#assignment to do something even remotely creative or to my own free will

[mazojo]

You romanticize your classes by using colored pens and sticky notes, I romanticize my classes by somehow someway making everything and any assignment about my OCs. We are not the same.

[reeesea]

Something Sweet: Part Two

~sweet lotus~

one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine

pairing: minsung, jisung/minho

warning: mentions of alcohol I guess...

words: 5k ish

summary: Jisung gets side tracked and ends up following Minho into a host club/bar. That's it really :)

a/n: I’m cross posting this on ao3 but don't know how links work so I hope you enjoy if you do happen to stumble upon this. <3

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Jisung’s been busy. Well, kind of. 

Jisung, along with the other two sleep deprived zombies that make up 3racha, have once again barricaded themselves in their shared apartment. The trio has been working nonstop to prepare for their next performance. Their recently hired manager, Sana, had notified them that the venue that they were playing was actually twice as large as their last. The boys had been trying to flesh out a few new songs/covers to play and hopefully win over the crowd.

Busy wouldn’t really describe the boys. Yes, they were working hard producing more and more, but the lulls of writer’s block and exhaustion would set in eventually. Each time would leave them to fend for themselves by staring mindlessly at the ceiling, or collapsing into an unplanned 4 hour nap, or just plain gorging themselves on the various carry outs of the day. 

Changbin, who surprisingly was able to work remotely for his producing job at JJP Ent., was juggling his work for them and his work for 3racha. Bin would sneak out of his studio/bedroom whenever the lull in creativity set in, or the anticipation of their Friday night show started creeping up on him. Almost every time this led to Chan or Jisung playing some of what they were working on and then the realization that the third rapper had joined them, neglecting his paid work, would set in commencing the throwing of shoes and a chorus of animated yells from all parties to arise. One way or another, always returning a reluctant Changbin back to his, as Jisung put it, “big boy work” and the other two back to their respective laptops and keyboards. 

Chan was probably the most focused of the three. His ability to juggle multiple projects at the same time was practically god-like and occasionally left the other two producers completely clueless as to which project he was actually working on. When the exhaustion had finally caught up with him, Chan could be found by the other boys asleep sitting in front of his laptop. Changbin and Jisung had worked out a little system to keep the older in check, taking turns moving an unconscious Bang Chan to the couch and making sure he had eaten before returning to their own assignments. The leader would wake up a few hours later feeling confused, but thankful for the other two's efforts to keep him on his feet. 

Jisung, the ever all-rounder of the group, usually was the one busy writing, composing, producing, and doing anything he could get his hands on. But this time, the main reason Jisung never quite felt busy was because no matter how hard he tried, sometimes he just couldn't quite find the words for his verses. The new addition to their set list actually didn't take much time to make, production wise, but writing his verse always turns out to be a challenge when the writer’s block sets in. Even with days straight of thinking about what he wanted to say on his part, no progress meant no work had been done, which to Jisung meant he had not been busy. It was a slippery slope that all of them had experienced before, but this time Jisung’s descent down that slope came in the form of trashing pages of lyrics and stanzas immediately after spending hours on them, and distracting himself in piles of blankets while scrolling forums, SNS, and internet videos for inspiration. From which the cycle continued. The concept of just freestyling it completely on Friday was starting to sound better and better.

Sana would occasionally come by (daily? None of them really knew what day it was, only that it wasn’t Friday yet), opening up the black-out curtains that lined the floor to ceiling windows of the apartment, always followed by at least one audible groan from one of the members. During one of the many occasions of Jisung staring blankly at the ceiling in the dark, Sana had entered the apartment and practically tripped over Jisung from where he was curled up on the floor in a blanket chimichanga, “Jisung-ssi, why are you on the floor, again. Its literally 3pm.”

Jisung liked to call them chimichangas, mostly because he really liked that it was a four syllable word, but it also described him best when he was in a blanket burrito feeling especially fried from exhaustion.

After tripping over Jisung for maybe the third time that week, Sana had left the apartment telling them to be sure to be ready for their performance tomorrow at five pm, when she would meet them at the venue. Although Jisung was the one currently rolled up on the floor, the other boys had somehow looked even more exhausted on the couch with emptied coffee cups in their hands and obvious dark circles under their eyes. They had finished in the early morning as always, trying their best to prepare for their performance, that apparently was tomorrow. That was news to Jisung, and still nothing written for his verse.

“You guys look so dead, how are you even awake right now” Jisung mused from his bundle on the floor. 

“I honestly don't know. Do you think I could just go to sleep until our performance tomorrow?” Chan chuckled at the realization that their call time wasn't more than 17 hrs away. 

“Honestly you need it, with how much you got done this week. You finished almost all the tracks for the album, right?” Changbin asked from his spot on the couch. Chan nods vaguely at the question . 

“Yeah out of the songs we chose, I was able to brush them up, and fixed the beat on a few. We can look at them closer after Friday.”

“This week didn't seem real. The last thing I remember was dragging Chan’s unconscious body down the hallway after we got back from Menu 98.” Jisung was gesturing wildly beneath the blanket he was under, but the other two didn't have to even look at him to know he was being dramatic. “Bin-hyung it took you like 3 whole minutes to put the right key in the door. I'm glad your attempts with the bottle opener didn’t end up damaging the lock.” 

That one earned Jisung a pillow to the face. 

“Well hopefully this Friday we won't end up in the same condition. Wine hangovers are the fucking worst,” Changbin held his head in remembrance of the pain but a smile was starting to sneak out on to his face. “But guys, since we’re finally officially signed with a company, I wouldn't mind getting to celebrate again this weekend.” 

His smile only grew as the other two joined in the grinning from their respective spots in the living room. It was true, they finally signed with a company. JJP Entertainment had reached out to them after having seen them perform one of their shows. Changbin had submitted a producer application to the company earlier that year, and seemingly as soon as they had seen the three in action all of them were accepted and got to sign with the agency. Changbin had begun working as a producer about a month ago while the other two had just recently been officially signed into the company as group members. To all of them it still seemed like it was too good to be true, but a week into it they were all just excited to be calling themselves recording artists and to have consistent pay for their professional work. 

Their manager Sana was a result of the company beginning to help promote 3racha as a group. Chan had mentioned that they weren’t going to be officially announced as a part of the company until they could properly debut with their album. Jisung wasn't going to complain though, he was just happy to feel like the dreams they’ve had since their underground highschool rapper days were finally being realized. 

All three of them, grinning wildly, were already feeling antsy to be on stage again. The hours until they could step onstage couldn't move fast enough.  

---

Minho had a busy fucking week.

 He had picked up two extra closing shifts that he usually would have days off on, but the reward of a bigger paycheck pulled his leg into accepting to take them. The bright side, he supposed, was that his coworker had taken his Friday shift and he was able to have a night off. His original plan to spend the entire night in the studio was pretty much shattered when his annoyingly loving roommates had scolded him when he had told them his plans. During morning rehearsal the group was able to get a lot done, and had polished their performance piece they had planned for a showcase in the coming week.

Minho told himself that he would have still stayed after practice if it wasn't for Hyunjin’s nagging to visit him at work that night, but he was packing his bag just as soon as the others once they were finished.The truth being that going to Hyunjin’s work almost always included free drinks and good company, and Minho felt like it would be the perfect way to relax his nerves after the week of productive practice, and painful working shifts. 

Hyunjin worked at the host club and bar a couple streets away from their apartment. The establishment was mostly known for the beautiful and handsome hosts and hostesses that worked there who served up drinks and polite conversation. In the more recent years, the place was becoming popularly known as being just a normal service bar that just had beautiful servers and bartenders. Many tourists and locals came to the bar in hopes of seeing and meeting these beautiful people, while also obtaining their weekend quota of alcohol. Of course as Hyunjin could attest to the host club wasnt without clients, as his boss asked him multiple times if he wanted to switch positions from bartender to host due to all the patrons asking if he was available.

“Come on Hyung! You can come and meet my new coworkers. Also you promised to visit Momo-noona last time and she’s still pissed you haven’t been back in like a month. Honestly at this point she wont stop worrying that you aren’t coming back to see her, and keeps asking me like-” 

“Okay, okay Hyunjin I’ll come with you, just stop rambling,” Minho giggled at the younger antics and his tendency to ramble to himself aloud, while in a conversation. It was reasons like this that made Minho glad the boy was only a bartender and not a host. Although, he would probably pay himself just to see the young 21-year-old try and make coherent conversation with a client. Hyunjin was beyond just beautiful, but when it came to conversing with strangers past their drink order, he was quite a bit less than suave. 

Hyunjin cheered as he skipped out the studio doors, joining arms with Felix as they made their way toward their shared apartment. 

---

Jisung left their flat early in hopes of being able to find the venue on his own, but still allow himself time to properly get lost. Surprisingly enough he was able to find the venue on the other side of town without much trouble and with Google Maps opened on his phone. One of the  reasons why it was so easy to find, was that the venue was huge. Among the lavish entrance, and its multicolored lighting, it had a large marquee with “3racha” shown in bold as the night's act. It was still the early evening and the district’s businesses were just starting to show signs of preparation for the night's patrons and customers. There were food stalls setting up, readily pre-cooking the batches of street food for those who would be passing by throughout the night. Clubs were just beginning to open their doors and prepare for the crowd that always came to dance away the start of the weekend. The bars were beginning to gather their additional servers and bartenders, from the looks of the various uniformed strangers on the street entering their respective places of employment. There were a few barhopping adults and students littering the streets with excited chatter and giggles of anticipation. 

Jisung can’t say he ever went out with friends much other than when the group would perform at bars and clubs right out of high school. He never had experienced the “wild night out with your friends” trope that he secretly loved watching in dramas and tv shows. There was just something watching a group of friends all going and enjoying a night together that made Jisung’s heart smile. Looking around again and escaping his thoughts, he spots a familiar face in the distance. 

In front of him is his cute server from last week, Minho, walking down the street not even 50ft away. Granted Jisung had honestly forgotten about the man after that night, as the dull ache of a hangover had occupied his mind the morning after. Jisung never thought he would actually see the man again outside the confines of the restaurant that he worked at. And maybe because this coincidence felt more like fate, and maybe because Jisung is the kind of guy to believe in fate, or maybe because Minho had smiled and from 50 ft away it still took Jisung’s breath away, Jisung found himself stumbling forward to follow the man into the bar he had just entered. 

--- 

Minho had walked into the familiar establishment and immediately went and found his place on a barstool. 

“You didn't have to come this early.” Hyunjin was all dressed up in his collared shirt and vest, with his name tag reflecting the dim lights from above his heart. The completed uniform of all the bartenders and servers at Sweet Lotus, of course, made Hyunjin look even more like a prince than usual. 

It was barely 15 minutes after the bar had opened for the night when Minho’s leather pants and silk shirt wearing ass had entered. 

“Well, it's not like I had any other plans tonight. Felix had left for work and it was too lonely in the apartment to wait for the bar hopping crowd to pass through, so I thought I would just beat them instead.” 

“I knew you missed me.” Hyunjin made a kissy face toward Minho that was met with a gentle face slap by the hand of the older. 

“Please, I only came to get an early start on the night. Maybe try and beat the in house record for free drinks.”

“Oh please you already know you still hold the record, don't act cocky” Hyunjin rolled his eyes, and earned a giggle from the other. There was a running competition between the off duty servers and hosts of who could get the most free drinks from strangers in a night. It was a vanity competition as much as it was a ploy for the employees to boost the bar's sales when off shift. 

Minho thrived off of it, when he had worked as a host for the club. He had been in the highest demand on and off duty, gathering a total 19 drinks paid for by strangers within a single night. Even after Minho had left the club, his record still held. Hyunjin would sometimes come home updating Minho on how close some of his new coworkers had gotten to the record, well aware of how much the title inflated the man’s ego. 

Before Minho had the chance to respond a tuft of brown hair tripped into the bar entrance. A familiar looking boy with big shining eyes, searched the room until making eye contact with Minho. The determined look in the boy’s eyes was completely contrasted by the soft smile starting to appear on his lips as he approached the bar. 

Recognition flooded his memory as Minho looked back at the cute boy that had given him his number on a receipt the previous weekend. The boy struggled slightly at getting atop the stool next to Minho, earning him a slight snicker from the bartender as he watched the scenario play out in front of him. Hyunjin just watched his cocky ass roommate be made speechless by the entrance of a cute high school looking kid dressed in street clothes, there was no way he wasn't going to hound Minho when they got home. 

“Hi.” The younger looking boy smiled again fully creating a heart with his lips, and Minho couldn't help but smile back. That seemed to only make the younger grin wider if that was possible and his eyes sparkled with content. “I don’t know if you remember me, but I met you last week, I mean kind of. You were my server on Friday night, and you recommended a drink and a dish for me, and I’m pretty sure it was the best thing I had ever tasted before. And now that may seem like a completely crazy reason to low key follow you into a bar after seeing you on the street, but for some reason I feel indebted to you for giving me the best thing I’ve ever tasted also I’m pretty sure I was embarrass-”

“Hi Jisung,” Minho didn't know anyone else could ramble even more than Hyunjin, but here he was, Han Jisung, the cute boy in the pink hoodie who had given him his number and a tip that was quite a bit more than his 20% usual. In full honestly Minho had found the receipt a few times during the week in his work pants pocket, but had always returned it before considering actually dialling the number scrawled on it. 

“You don’t have to feel indebted to me, that’s all apart of my job…” A wave of guilt weighed on Minho as he made eye contact with Jisung again. “Also I apologize for never messaging you. I know you left me your number on Friday, and I usually don’t pay too much mind when customers give me their numbers, but for some reason I still kept yours.” Jisung’s eyes widened at that and his expression looked as if he had just realized something. 

Minho just continued, “To be completely honest, I didn't think I would see you again, especially outside of my work.” 

“I didn’t either,” Jisung quickly interjected. “And to also be totally honest, I completely forgot that I gave you my number. Tipsy me can be a little more bold than I thought.” He chuckled inwardly at himself. Looking at Minho now, Jisung had no idea how even tipsy he had found the balls to do something like that. In casual clothes, Minho looked god-like to Jisung, and something about the change in atmosphere made Customer Service Minho almost non-existent. Being able to look at Minho, his glittering sharp eyes, his perfectly styled hair, and breathtaking smile without any filters, and something about it made Jisung’s heart beat even louder. There was a slight pause as Jisung had stopped speaking and had got distracted with staring at all of Minho’s features. “Uh..um… anyway damn now I feel bad. Can I like buy you a drink or something to make up for it?” Jisung barely managed to stutter that out. 

“Hey Min-hyung, that's your first for the night, and it's not even five yet. Damn maybe you will break your record,” Jisung looked over to the voice's owner and seemed to have just acknowledged the presence of the bartender after entering.

“Shut up Jinnie, I don’t wanna make him pay for my drink, the sun’s not even set” 

“That hasn't stopped you before” 

“No I really mean it, I'll pay for your drink if you'll let me. Not really sure what you two are discussing but I don't have a problem paying, even just to mend my consciousness” Jisung pleaded. 

“You sure talk a lot with your wallet there, Han.” Hearing Minho using his last name to address him wasn't lost on Jisung. If anything Jisung was starting to take it as a challenge. 

“Well, let me buy you a drink and we can talk now because we didn't get the chance over the phone.” Jisung really wasn’t sure where that confidence came from but it diminished quickly as he held his breath waiting for Minho to respond.

Minho smirked and nodded agreement, ordering his drink. “What about for you?” the bartender asked Jisung as he was taking out his card to pay for said drink. 

“Oh nothing for me I have to get ready for a show soon,” squinting to read the man’s name tag “Hyunjin-ssi.” 

Minho's curiosities from the previous weekends returned, and he found himself jumping on the opportunity to learn more about the boy. They were just curiosities. Han Jisung was just a curiosity. “What is it you do exactly?” 

“Oh I’m a rapper in a group, with the two other guys you saw. Together were super cool rap trio 3racha~” Jisung put an emphasis on the name with excessive hand gestures. Minho thought they were cute. “And we're actually playing at the venue not too far from here. We’re on at 9 if you want to come watch.” Jisung smiles widely at that, cocking an eyebrow as if that was persuasion enough to get Minho to come. 

It was. “Maybe I’ll stop by then. I can’t say I’m not curious.” Minho tries his best to feign disinterest, but his roommate’s smirk from across the bar meant that he wasn’t completely successful. 

Minho glares at the bartender while Jisung continues the conversation. “So what was it that you were talking about? The record and all that, did I miss something?”

Hyunjin giggles at the question and puts on a dramatic voice, “Well, here at the Sweet Lotus even our employees will come on their off days and breaks to enjoy the bar and club as patrons, but of course flirting with coworkers is generally frowned upon, so we made up a fun little competition.” Hyunjin continues to explain what the casual competition entitles. Minho shifts to watching Jisung instead. Seeing the boy again had been somewhat of a shock, and now actually looking at him, something about Jisung made Minho’s heartbeat a little quicker. Probably just the beginning effects of the sip of alcohol he had yet to consume. Or it could be the way Minho kept thinking about how soft the boy looked, his cheeks, his hair, his smile. Jisung was cute. A cute curiosity

“So what’s the record then? The highest number of free drinks?” Jisung was asking both of them but had turned toward MInho to meet his eyes. They were full of stars, even when the rest of the place was dimly lit. 

“19 drinks in a single night, held by our very own Lee Minho. Making him the hottest guy to ever grace our establishment, at least by the objective body count” Hyunjin dramatically bows to him. 

“Hey I got 17 once” yelled the other bartender from further down the bar. 

“I better keep coming back then, so you can’t take my spot San-ah.” Minho responded and sent him a cheeky smirk. The other bartender responded with a pouty face and a groan, before turning back to another customer. “But technically I’m not an employee anymore, so I think that takes me out of the running,” Minho continues.

“Still, I don’t think you’d ever lose that title… n-no offense to any of the other employees. I mean I only just got here and have only seen a few of you, but you are all respectively very attractive, and-” 

“Jisung stop rambling.” Minho giggled at seeing how flustered he could make the other. “Plus I doubt I’d lose my spot if you have anything to do with it, Mr. rich boy rapstar.” Minho takes a sip of his drink as the other sputters once again into a bumbling mess, blushing even harder. 

“What noooo! Not me pshhhhhh. I am but a lowly underground rapper. Please my heart’s too fragile to handle being called a rapstar by you this early in the night, also I swear I’m not a rich boy! Not yet at least, I haven't even gotten my first paycheck, paycheck, you know?”

“Your tipping habits say otherwise” 

Jisung grumbles under his breath something that sounds like ‘damn it drunk jisungie you did it again’

Before the conversation could continue, Jisung's phone rings from his jacket pocket. “Hello?... AH Sana-noona please don't yell.... Yes I know what time it is. It is-” Jisung checks the clock on his phone “Five-Thirty! Fuck, I’m on the way” Jisung looks apologetically at Minho and Hyunjin and does a few hand gestures that indicate he has to go. “I'll be there in like 30 seconds, I swear!!!” 

Jisung hangs up and hops off his stool, “As you can see I am being forcefully summoned by my manager, I do hope you’ll come to the show later? Thanks for uh- I don’t know, why am I thanking you. But uh..Thanks anyway though, and I-uh hope we can do this again sometime… yeah, bye Minho.” Jisung smiles wide again and scurries out the door, almost at a full sprint. 

Minho really likes his cute smile, and tries to commit the heart shape to memory.

“Hyung, he’s sooo your type it practically hurts.” Hyunjin forms a cheeky look on his face.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Minho retorts, taking another sip of the drink Jisung bought him. 

“Come on, cute, low-key a mess, big eyes, whipped as soon as he saw you. Don't even lie, you love the ones that just fall for you as soon as you smile at them. Practically all your clients were like that, and they all followed you to the restaurant” 

“That’s not true,” Minho denied. 

“It's true our numbers dropped when you left. We had to hire three new guys to make up the loss,” San added, now suddenly a part of the conversation.

“Well now I feel bad,” he did kind of, but it also was a huge ego boost for Minho.

“Don't. You know Momo would let you pick up a shift if you ever needed” San now joining Hyunjin in leaning on the counter. 

“Maybe I don’t know, I'll just boost her drink sales tonight insead to make up for it.” They laugh, and Minho’s cocky smirk returns as more patrons enter the bar, and the two bartenders return to their positions for the night 

-----

Jisung sprinted right into hair and makeup, finding his group mates already being dressed and powdered when he got there. He was able to just barely avoid a scolding from Sana as he ducked into a changing room instead. Switching from his streetwear into something that made him look more like his stage personality ‘J.One’.

By the time it was up for them to perform all three of them shared knowing glances and charged on the stage as their loud and overpowering bass beats flooded the speakers and the entire venue. The venue itself held a couple hundred people and the cheers and energy from the crowd only fueled the rappers as they began their opening song. For the three of them being on stage was like getting a high. 

Jisung felt like he had taken 3 shots at the bar before the performance. He felt drunk on the adrenaline and his ad libs and verses all came out even more powerful than usual. Chan and Changbin took his energetic aura in stride and fed off him to energize their own performances for the whole show. 

When their new track finally starts playing, the verse that Jisung had been agonizing all week appeared in his head as if it had always been there, and he knew that this verse was going to go down as one of his best freestyles yet. Jisung closed out the song with an electric verse that flowed and hit the rhythm in ways he had never thought he could before, and after the last beat echoed throughout the room, the entire venue filled with cheers and screams from the audience. 

Minho watched from the back of the venue witnessing the three boys on stage completely dominate the stage and steal every heart from the audience. He never thought that the big eyed clutz from a few hours ago would be the man he saw on stage. On stage, Jisung practically oozed with charisma, demanding the attention of all those who would listen. At the end of the show the last verse he spit out was so intensely captivating, that it guaranteed that everyone in the audience was now in love with Han Jisung. There was no way anyone would be able to deny it. Not even Minho, even though he would definitely try. 

“I’m CB97” “This has been SpearB” “and I’ve been J.One” 

“and together we are 3racha! See you next time”

---

That night as soon as Minho got home he searched his closet for the only connection he had with the supposed rapstar. Digging into the pockets of his work pants, he pulls out the paper with the boys number and immediately adds in to his contacts before texting him:

[Rich Boy Han Jisung]

This is Lee Minho  

I saw your performance 

at least I think that was you

If it wasn't some rapstar named J.One may be your twin 

Im sure hear you this all the time

But your performance was amazing. Good job Han :)

---

one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine

[wisqcrafts]

19 Home Quarantine Boredom Busters!

Bored? Bored??? Complain about your neighbors, your family, the government, the sky, anything else. But I never wanna hear or see anyone complain about boredom. Sorry not sorry. There's so many masterposts of things to do and free online resources. Here are just some of my dork ass ideas:

1) Free (yes FREE) online college courses from, you know, Yale, Harvard, MIT, etc:

https://www.coursera.org/

https://ocw.mit.edu/courses/find-by-topic/#cat=engineering&subcat=nuclearengineering&spec=nuclearsystemspolicyandeconomics

https://www.edx.org/school/harvardx

https://www.freecodecamp.org/news/ivy-league-free-online-courses-a0d7ae675869/?fbclid=IwAR1a9qAE6IcqmcQpPaTmXH6q63QBCA95rntnZPY0ah_U80d8u0wa9wAIYhc

What, like it's hard?

2) "Tattoo" practice - This is a personal idea of mine. Basically, you just take some non-toxic markers to draw on yourself or whoever youre in home quarantine with that wants a fake tattoo. This isn't the best time to be getting real tattoos but you can have fun seeing what youd look like with a one. If you dont really draw, you can print designs to cut into stencils.

3) Bento "stories" - I got this idea from the mom that went viral for the creative bentos she makes for her kids. I think, for even just one meal a day, it would be cute to tell a story with each bento. So if you're living with someone, they need to wait til the next day to find out what happens next! If you live alone, make them for yourself and post your bento story online.

https://www.boredpanda.com/creative-bento-food-art-samantha-lee/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

4) Karaoke - By yourself or with others, doesn't matter, make it a party! Just search for your karaoke sobgs on Youtube. And anything is a microphone: hairbrush, remote, piece of fried chicken.... Good for you if you have one of those bluetooth mics tho.

5) Professor Day - Okay this one is really nerdy but it's more fun than it sounds. Pick a random topic, anything at all, and prepare a "lesson" or presentation on it. It could be one of your interests, an intro to a new language, or something you always wanted to learn. You can keep it to yourself, share the file online, or better: Dress the part and call your home quarantine buddies in for "class." If you live alone, teaching a class of inanimate objects would make for a silly yet informative video on your topic. Hey maybe this can catch on! Everyone can be an expert of something they're passionate about and should share their unique take on it, who knows who will be into it.

6) Miss Going Outside? Bring the experiences indoors! Like the family that made a home grocery for their grandma, you can make part of your home into something you miss from the outside world. Museum? Plenty offer free virtual tours. Cinema? If you don't have a big TV, you can make a projector for your phone with a shoebox. Camping? Hello, pillow fort and blanket tent. Roast marshmallows on the stove. Play relaxing nature sounds on your speaker. (Try the free app Relax Melodies, I love the mixing feature) Get creative with your space and what you have to make something you want. When you're really bored and missing the outdoors, Youtube or Google Streetview somewhere you wish you could go.

https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/75809/12-world-class-museums-you-can-visit-online

https://www.relaxmelodies.com/?utm_expid=.P1gqxCs8TYuGTBlAbE0VkQ.0&utm_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F

https://newsvideo.su/video/12560164

https://www.instructables.com/id/Build-A-Smartphone-Projector/

7) Room Makeover - No better time to do it! It's good exercise and it's a creative experience.

8) New Hair Dont Care - This is the best time to try an outrageous haircut or color since you're stuck at home. If it doesn't turn out ideal, no one has to know. If you love it, great! You can try any look you normally wouldn't wear outside or at work.

9) Safe Science Experiments - emphasis on the word SAFE. Safety first, always. There's plenty of free resources online for instructions, esp on YouTube.

10) Consume All The Free Movies, Shows, Music, Books, Audio Books and even Comics Online... it's endless! So much free... And now not so little time. You won't run out of things to watch, read, or listen to.

https://www.epubor.com/10-best-sites-for-free-comic-books.html

https://www.bettercloud.com/monitor/15-classic-video-games/

http://www.loyalbooks.com/genre/Non-fiction

https://www.digitalbook.io/search-audiobooks-ebooks.html#!///history

https://documentaryaddict.com/

11) Make a Short Film - Get creative or just be silly! Try stop motion with old toys, get yourself or someone you're home with into acting, or make your pet a star.

12) Tea Party - Be a kid again and dress up for tea... but put whatever twist you want on it! Wear an old Halloween costume or something! If you live alone, video call your friends or family to join you for tea.

13) Spa Day - All the pampering you didn't have time for when work/school wasn't from home? You have time now. DIY facial. Bubble bath. Nail art. Really soak in every little act of self love.

14) Practice drag makeup, styling, and performance for fun. Your gender or sexual preference doesn't even matter here. Its all good fun! Be a drag queen or king for a day. Lip sync for your life by yourself or make it a drag race with your home quarantine mates.

15) Mystery Day - Create a fake crime scene and have your friends/family solve it! Doesn't have to be a big mess and you don't have to make it so complicated for yourself or your home quarantine fam. You could also just write a simple mystery/riddle online for friends to solve if you live alone. You can even assign roles like accomplice, police, detective, etc. Work your brain, the goal is to kill boredom right?

16) Scrapbook - or Burn Book, Spell Book, pop-up book, revolutionary manifesto, whatever. Use anything you have as a base even if it has writing: an old phone book, something missing pages, a faded magazine, whatever. Then stick any pics, stickers, printouts, tags, wrappers, etc you want. What kind of book will it be?

17) Art Therapy - Even if you dont consider it something you're "good" at, use art to express yourself. It doesn't just have to be drawing, painting, or sculpting... You can pick up a forgotten musical instrument you may have lying around and just keep trying. Youtube is life. Countless tutorials for everything.

18) Crafts Crafts Crafts - Theres so many simple crafts to try at home. 5 Minute Crafts on Youtube and various other channels offer some great yet easy ideas. Try going about it in this order:

a) Look around your house for stuff you don't need. Set aside for craft pile or donate pile.

b) Look around again for any ways you can improve you home. You need mor storage? Is your shoe rack broken? Are you always missing something? Then search online for crafts specific to that.

c) Set up a neat work space with your craft pile and some tools you can use. Note: Never use kitchen items for crafts if you still intend to use them on food. You may be able to wash them but you can't undo any damage from crafting trial and error.

https://youtu.be/AROj7nkH2LQ

19) If you have any skill that can possibly help frontliners during this crisis, do see what you can do without risking your own health. If you can sew, donate masks or even PPE suits as there are guides online for the right patterns and materials. Even just a few pieces are helpful. If you sing, sing for our frontliners. If you write, write about them. Do your research about the situation in your town. Health workers, sanitation workers, grocery staff, and other essential workers are all putting their lives on the line. All we have to do is stay home but we can make the most of it.

https://drive.google.com/drive/mobile/folders/1-Xr-67gs2qw0o44-hy-INb89I9m-wcLD?fbclid=IwAR2q0JV6uqgDW5e_m5X5ABLv86rXdQodXh4x5fYDg9_WRsMe0hQwki9PUTk&fbclid=IwAR3Oofo8FIjzwZOoLepnGxYTrST_zV1dRf6NMtoWVRQVSuho1nnqwG5esUE

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cnet.com/google-amp/news/coronavirus-face-mask-what-you-need-to-know-about-making-a-covering-at-home/

[drearytweddiafawnx]

A letter to myself from 2030.

Hey Rim ! Wanna hug ?

It's me ......actually it's you from 2030.l know you've been dreaming of me . So i thought i should write you a letter. I was reading through all my old letters and braindump journals .It made me rethink about my past thoughts and write to you about them

The time you are in and the time I'm writing to you are both important moments of our life .

The year 2030 is the time when we are leading the world and 2020 is the time when we just started our journey. After the covid crisis days were not so good as you've already imagined. But your 'silly "plans helped the people who needed help . Heres a note from one of your writings.

10.06.20

To all the teens who'll be leading the world in upcoming days .look at our future main concerns 

*stoping global warming 

*giving freedom toall (everyone who has a life ,freedom of speech, lifestyle and everything )

*completing the necessary needs 

*fighting future disasters sensebly 

*solving problems unitedly .

*empowering huminity and human knowledge 

*being a good global citizen .

We have to be the hero of the next 

generation. 

Our ideas are the root of our life . Trying to understand the future problems and living in your future is

not bad . You like to do things keeping their future in mind . You wanted to build an education system where you create open minded people . 

I would love to talk about your ideas 

during the covid crisis like street farming ,street education and practical learning . I hope you remember this journal pages ....

16.04.20 

Practical learning - giving assignments and research topics during the covid crisis and after the crisis showing the research and assessments .Exams will be taken through activities and practicaly while kids learn something new while giving exams .

And this will be area based .

Like to a remote village maybe clean water is a big issue .

Childrens from that village will work on it .

8.05.20

Street education - using street billboards and ad boards to teach street children and passerby .

Using fun animation and video we can teach them general knowledge and make people aware of certain topics like childmarriege and dowry .

11.06.20

Street farming - using the footover bridges and street dividers to produce free and safe food for the poor ,begger and street people .

So that they can freely eat and cook .

It will also be beneficial for all the natives living there .

Most of your ideas were based on underdeveloped coutries . And I'm really looking forward to your both websites that you are working on . learning and asking questions about anything in their mother tongue gives kids an opportunity to write and ask with freedom and you wanted to make begging a respectful profession .giving a home and shelter . While volunteers will help them and take care of them.

People will be able to donate to their personal account using your website .

Some can get employed too. Nice ideas Rim .

I know its the first pride month you are celebrating and currently you are saving money for building an free open school for poor ,street children and everyone who is curious to learn 

But the best thing you learned these days was respecting everyone and trying to keep your feet on their shoes to understand their pain and sufferings . 

But the thing you were thinking about on those days was global warming . All of my life I wanted freedom and you wanted to free all animals giving all plants a chance to grow freely even if they were not helpful . Humans are soo selfish that they only spare those lives which benefit them somehow .

To you the new normal was not mask, gloves and social distancing ,you wanted the new normal to let everyone live ,everyone who has a life , give mother nature a chance to heal herself . 

One day you wrote that "The covid crisis has taught all of us equally at a time that how we all are connected even if we are separated and how we depend on each other and we should 

admire everyone and everything.

If nature is infected nature will cure herself too. Everything is important and being here to teach us something . Even the poisons from the earth has a healing power to save lifes .

Mother nature is teaching us to be humble , respectful to every element of the earth and give equal importance as we have over here .

Just give them the chance to be , to live , breath freely , to learn and seek and teach us . I don't think humans has the right to make laws and specialy making their own " natures law ".

So many wonders got lost before finding them and will never return only because of our foolishness .

Only because they are not helpful they should die , who are we to set this cruel rule ? 

Even humans are cruel to other humans . We are treating like enemies more than mother natures childrens . because we are unaware and selfish. Peoples are different because their mindsets and that's the beauty of our nature .There is no one like us and everyone is unique and connecting different perspectives can bring us a change . Physical boundries will be nothing in front of our inner connection . We should build huminity towards humans and all living matters and let everyone bloom in their own light , energy and power to prove everyones inner beauty is in their heart .Knowledge is our power the future is in our hand and we will surely make a change !"

Well dear Rim ,

In your imaginary world you knew that one day the earth will be healed and mother earth didnt let you go. Our c mkther earth is niow healed and healing herself everyday .

On 2030 some fun things happened like reuseable straws and paper clothes became trend people were buying them . We don't cut trees to make furnitures . We are doing upcycling and using alternative options .All animals are freed now only reliable universities has the right to research on animals without keeping them caged.There are some animals getting internet famouse everyday . We have equality and balance in our education any one can learn from anywhere anytime. Education is costfree now and age is just a number . All cuntries are united. There is no fight or war .No one breaks the rule ordoes crime intentionally.

Everyone is respected here no matter what their gender ,age or status is .We are building sustainable houses for everyone using alternative ways and on this process nature is not pollouted. Everyone is earning and

no one is staying unemployed. All professions are equally admired .Self employed people are increasing day by day . Over here we don't have bad people and they are being actually educated . Teaching us life skills while making our minds open and creative . Education is costfree and we are learning to get mastery on them.

In some countries overpopulation was a massive problem but now its not and we also controling our population by supporting one child . What ever that child might be , a life is always special. We have wonderful botanical gardens and reserved seed banks which has so many rare seeds . Internet is now the most safe place and resourcefull place 

All the waste is recycled and used as energy .

Spacewaste and e waste are sorted too. 

Big countries are helping small countries and now we all are equal and same no big or small.

Mills and factories use green energy to produce theur work and they dont throw waste in the water or soil .

All professions are equally admired and learning and education is free 

Now we have a no meat day in every month of the year and it is celebrated the whole world wide.

People now do their chores by themselves and donate their belongings which they no longer need ,no one extra stuff to clutter their home .

Everyone has a place to live a sweet home and a shelter and we dont need fill rivers or cut mountains or clean 

forests to build home . Refugees are loved and cared too ,many countries are helping them to survive .

We all truely have a home to live.

There is no cage no zoo but we have virtual zoo and world tour .

Many aninals got mentally sick staying in cage for a long time ,now they allare under good treatment .

keeping pets in cage is also agnist law .You will see " No entry" billboaard in front of many forests and importaant places. Government is helping people when they need . The quantity of doing crime is very less now 

There is no injustice . laws are very strict and mandatory. We have reliable snd trustworthy judiciary. I should say there is very less pending cases .

Everyone is working hard to spread positivity .

Government is really concerned about the happinesss of their citizens . People give mental health a big priority. Government encourages to take selftime and selfcare .

We can get safe and healthy food in a very cheap price .

We understand others feelings and respect them .

We use green energies now .

Other energy sources which we used before is now where they belong ,

to the nature . We are researching very hard on various topics nowdays to seek in the beauty and mystery of mother nature .

Our biodiversity is now very increased .

Our homes can now deal with earthquakes and other disasters .

We've build durable dams to stop getting fload and bush fires are also controlled.

We no more make cigarettes or tobacco products. 

No one smokes not even vehicles ,mills and factories. No human trafficking and less fishing .

Our youth is so positive nowdays . Youth exchange programmes are increased too . We understand how important staying globally connected is .

Each of the countries has a special bugdet and plan to deal with future diseases and disasters .

We are now shareing our love .working hand in hand .

There us no negetivity and no hatred agnist anyone .

Everyone gets to drink clean water and eat fresh safe food.

We don't 

have sewage problems nowdays .

Everything is by design and mother natures order . We dont want to harm our nature and so do our mother nature . 

Earth has now chaged a lot we have wonderful seasons and climate .

Whereever I look I see greenery and beauty ,love and peace .

Everyone is working hard to make our world a better place .

We only have one earth and we love her so much , we don't want to leave her or make her unhappy or sick .

We are working thinking about our future and having a sustainable world 

You would not believe ! my eyes are now filled with soothing greenery 

! 

Pond with ducks ,plants, butterflies bees ,dragonflies , grasshoppers everywhere with farmers and villegers .

And there is no pollution , no dirt 

literally zero waste . Everything is recycled reuse reduced and upcycled .

We have mighty leaders reliable law and trustworthy government .

At this time the world is so beautiful , everyones heart is so beautiful .its the happiest world ever .

I know its still like a dream to you .

But if i say its true you would ask me who did it ? And my answers is us , all of us everyone unitedly . One by one from various countries bright minds and leaders came up and worked for the change .

You everything you wanted to be. I'm nothing different from you .

I am you and you are still in me. 

On this world of 2030 .

Im compltetinng all the dreams that a teenager saw on her 16's. Teacher and connecting with hearts through internet .helping the poor and helpless ,working with the UN , studying in Japan and doing a research .

While your reading even if 

you believe in my words the law of attraction will make it true because youve already started working on it .

I wrote this letter for a competition but never end up giving it to someone or somewhere because it became special.

[devnny]

CHAPTER FOUR.

JTRM — THE “R” STANDS FOR RECOVERING!

PREVIOUSLY.

[sobs] this is such a Mess!! A MESS I TELL YOU!

He didn’t do his homework. Devi wished she could say she was surprised.

If she was being literal, what he offered her was one singular page of lined paper that he had scribbled disjointed, crossed-out panels of attempted comics and ugly caricatures of his neighbors all over. So it wasn’t that he didn’t do his ‘assignment’, but rather he hadn’t finished it. She hadn’t been to school in quite some time, but she was pretty sure that would constitute an “F” from most crusty public-school educators.

“Johnny.” Devi spoke with a pointed tone. He ducked his head into his shoulders nervously.

“You didn’t specify what the, er, “homework” was, exactly.” Johnny offered weakly. Even if that was true, he knew that her expectations for him were higher than something that was more mistake-correcting-squiggles than actual drawings. Something complete, at the very least. Devi groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose, making his shoulders hike up even higher.

“Yeah, sure, okay.” She said finally, dropping her hand to her side again. Johnny breathed a small sigh of relief.

Devi withheld her frustration, and tried to coerce herself to be satisfied with his meager attempts. Seeing as they’d only had one real art session, she doubted that an incomplete batch of doodles over the course of three days would undo any creativity-healing that might have occurred, if any healing occurred at all. Maybe it even helped, since he likely would have done nothing without her intervention. It was better than nothing, she reminded herself. Some amount of self-assertion over his creative processes was better than none at all.  

She had decided, during their time apart, to dedicate her time to this massive endeavor in intervals of three days – three days in a row of nightly arting with her would-be pupil, and then three days in a row of Johnny-less time to work properly on her freelance projects. The block of time she’d be with Johnny consecutively made her weary just to think of it, but she’d persist for those three beautiful days where she wouldn’t have to worry about him. Or worry about him too much, anyway.

With the loose-leaf paper still in hand, she ushered him away from the entryway of her apartment and into the living room. Johnny settled in front of the coffee table again, knees in odd angles that were somehow comfortable to him, and Devi did her best to ignore that this was going to be her new normal.

--

THE FOLLOWING WEEK:

Tutoring – if that’s what you wanted to call it – was going well.

Devi felt a small amount of pride for her efforts, and for Johnny’s, she had to admit, as the nights wore on. Sure, he had a couple of fits the first two evenings, but his complaints where directed at his own ineptness, not her instruction. By the third night, he seemed to be getting a better handle on his bitterness toward his own art, and successfully completed a few things without her having to yell at him.

And as she expected, the three days that she had to herself were all filled with near-constant, speculating thoughts about Johnny. The insistent flow of what-ifs was very irksome as she worked on painting a cover for a local underground magazine, but Devi did her best to ignore it and work, with mixed success. The piece got done, of course, but it took much longer than she would have liked. It would have been done much sooner if she didn’t have a new form of ‘parasite’ picking away at her free time that should be devoted to painting for herself.

And, knowing that Johnny would be arriving tonight, her sleep from the early morning hours to the afternoon was horrible. She hated that his looming presence still gave her a rush of adrenaline. Devi stubbornly refused to be afraid of him, but part of her still reacted with a twinge in her stomach, cold sweat, and a quickening of her heart – he was just too unpredictable. Johnny had sworn his gratitude to her up and down since the truth came out about that phone call, but Devi had a healthy – or maybe unhealthy – amount of cynicism, and doubted that any words he said held the weight that he claimed they did.

She made sure, while she griped to herself, to ignore any pleasantries exchanged between them the previous week, such as Johnny pointing out her purple hair and saying he liked the color on her, or laughing over the same shit while watching TV during break time. The last thing she need to do was get even remotely attached to him – she was investing enough emotional labor into him as it was.

Just a few minutes shy of 6:00PM, there was a knock at the door, and Devi sighed with mild disappointment that Johnny was so punctual.

“Hi!” Johnny greeted her eagerly as soon as the door was open.

“I had the strangest drive over here. I think that little chihuahua is following me again – I wish I knew what it wants from me, but like Hell I’m going to stop and ask.” He rambled while he walked to his usual spot in the living room. Devi quirked an eyebrow at his bizarre comments, but chose to ignore it and closed the door before following after him.

“It happened earlier,” Johnny continued. “like, maybe a year ago. It followed me for blocks and blocks! I had to run to get away from it! Creepy little…”

Devi was only partly listening while she watched him paw at the air, only to notice then that he was without something rather important.

“Johnny, you didn’t bring your work up with you?” She asked in the middle of his rant. Johnny stopped abruptly, his wide eyes somehow wider. Devi frowned when he looked around nervously.

“Er, well—” He scuffed his foot on the floor and webbed his fingers together. “I couldn’t… really… think of anything.”

Devi’s pupils shrunk in surprised irritation at that.

“What!?” She yelled at him and he turned while he tried to avoid her fury.

“It’s just—! More difficult when I’m alone!!” Johnny looked around the room, too wary to look her in the eye. “I tried but nothing really came out so I… didn’t… do anything else.”

His admission came with a guilty smile. Devi fumed.

“Are you KIDDING me, Nny!?” Her voice raised more. “You sat around for THREE DAYS doing NOTHING?”

Johnny stepped back to avoid her frustrated pacing.

“I told you! I did try, I just—”

“You call that trying? Starting once and then giving up!? How long did you “try” for?” She asked accusingly.

“I don’t know, like, an hour??” He offered. Why was she so difficult to placate?

“AN HOUR.” Devi seethed. “One WHOLE hour out of seventy-fucking-two hours! Did you break a sweat!?”

Johnny felt the familiar heat of embarrassment rise to the surface of his cheekbones.

“That’s so easy for you to say! You’re good at this!”

“Well you could be too if you put in the effort, you moron!!” Devi’s arms stuck straight back while she hollered at him. “Do I have to just constantly babysit you to make sure you don’t get any crazier!?”

Johnny didn’t like being called a moron, or the implication that he was a baby.

“YOU—YOU…!” He tried to hold in his rebuttal, but failed. “YOU only care so much because of your own benefit! Don’t say it like you’re worried about my sanity!”

Devi gargled a scream while she clawed at her hair, then whipped back around to glare at him.

“OF COURSE I care for my own benefit!! You tried to murder me, you jackass! And the sooner you’re in control of your stupid FOURTH voice and out of my life again, the better!” She huffed. “What did you THINK this was?? Fun-pally-art-time? I’m trying to keep your crazy ass in line!”

He knew that was the truth, but hearing it said so callously pinched his emotions in ways that made his gut hurt and his arms shake. Johnny glared at the floor, thin irises darting around while a barrage of bad thoughts and hurt feelings twisted through his head.

Devi groaned and turned away to rub her forehead and brush her hair back. She hadn’t meant to say all of that, but she had, and now all her backed up resentment was in the air and bogging down the room. She needed to say something to nurse his poor, bruised ego now, as pathetic as that made her own ego feel. The likelihood that he’d comply with anything she instructed him to do tonight without her offering some kind of apology was laughably small.

“Look, Johnny—” She turned to speak to him, only for her sentence to end in a silent gasp when she caught sight of Johnny’s wild eyes. She barely had time to notice that the fist at the end of his raised arm brandished a rather shiny, pointed pen, but still managed to avoid a stab to her shoulder as he swung downward.

The shock hardly registered with Devi as she stared Johnny in the face, who only looked surprised and angry that he’d missed. That expression alone immediately boiled her blood – that piece of fucking shit! He was really trying to murder her again! All of his bullshit about gratitude and promising not to hurt her was as big of a load as she had suspected!

Johnny squared himself again and moved to thrust the pen directly at her this time. Devi was too enraged to be afraid of mortal injury, and grabbed his wrist as he jutted his opportune weapon forward. Her nails dug painfully into the skin of his arm as she yanked him forward into her awaiting fist. She slammed her curled knuckles into the center of his sternum, and the blow was enough to knock the wind out of him. That wasn’t enough for Devi, who retracted her arm quickly and rammed her palm immediately upwards, hitting Johnny in his jaw and closing his mouth with a very audible CLANK.

He stumbled backward, and Devi released his wrist only after she had snatched the pen from his grasp. Johnny brought his hand up to his vibrating jawbone and rubbed it roughly. That shot was enough to bring him out of his murderous rage, but no amount of levelheadedness would spare him from Devi’s wrath.

“JOHNNY YOU FUCKING ASS-HOLE!” She roared at him, and he was suddenly aware of the severity of his actions. Palm still curled around his jaw, Johnny backed up a few steps, but Devi showed no apprehension in following him.

“D-Devi I, I didn’t—” He was panicked. What had he just done? And why would he do something so stupid?

“Oh shut the HELL up!” Devi glowered down at his shrinking form. “You fucking ingrate! You absolute FUCKER!”

Johnny could only cringe, the increasing fear that Devi would never forgive him for this transgression rising with each passing second.

“YOU TRIED TO STAB ME… AGAIN!” She seethed. “AFTER ALL YOUR FUCKING TALK ABOUT LOYALTY AND GRATITUDE AND ALL THAT BULLSHIT!”

His opposite hand crossed over his other’s wrist, franticly rubbing and squeezing the joint there to ease himself, though it had little effect.

“Devi I—I swear, I didn’t mean to—!” Johnny winced at how shaky his voice was. Fear was not something he was very accustomed to, but Devi seemed to instill it in him with such little effort. His response was also apparently, not the right thing to say.

“You didn’t MEAN to!?” She hissed at him. Devi couldn’t take his piss-poor excuses – just the sight of him trying to pass himself off as a hapless fool that simply ran his mouth off was making her so mad she thought she might go literally blind from rage. She brought up his own pen to threaten him with like a shank.

“Get the Hell out!” Her voice was firm, and sent Johnny into a redoubled state of panic.

“—W-Wait! Please, Devi, I’m sorry I—I really – I promise it won’t happen again!” He pleaded with her, the fear that he had single-handedly ended his renewed position in her life so soon consuming him further. Devi scowled at him.

“You bet your ass it won’t!” She jabbed the pen in his direction a few times. “LEAVE.”

Johnny felt like he could cry. He very much did not want to go, but couldn’t see any way that Devi would let him stay, at least not now. His posture lowered more as he scooted back toward the door, but his focus remained squarely on Devi, with his eyes begging her to reconsider. Again, his feeble expression only angered Devi further. He dared to try and play weak and sorry after he had just moved to stab her?

“Johnny get the fuck out of here before I give you a full-frontal lobotomy with this damn pen!!” Devi extended her arm out in his direction, gesturing said pen at him aggressively.

His shoulders sunk further, and he hesitantly settled a hand on the doorknob, only looking up to Devi once more to make sure there was no indecision in her eyes – there wasn’t – before he slipped out the door and quietly shut it behind him. Devi wasted no time in locking it.

She screamed to the high heavens, uncaring about what neighbors, or if Johnny himself, heard the rampant storm of expletives and primal hatred that bellowed out from her heaving chest. As one final act of violence toward him, Devi threw his pen against the adjacent wall with all her strength, sending it flipping off out of sight. She felt the same betrayal pooling in her that she had felt the first time he had tried to kill her, only this time, there was no loss of love or ungodly fear to distract her from it. No, this was a bloodthirsty hate unlike any she had felt before.

“Don’t let him get to you, mother.” Came a whispering, prideful little voice.

Devi’s eyes popped open, face suddenly cold, before immediately heating up again with renewed anger.

“SHUT THE HELL UP!” She yelled into the room.

Johnny was distracting her too much; she hadn’t heard Sickness speak in weeks! That stupid asshole was jeopardizing her life in more ways than she could count – she couldn’t believe she’d even humored the idea of enjoying his company again, the prick! She couldn’t be worried about his sanity if it was going to cost her her own!

A sudden, tight set of knocks directed Devi’s aggression away from her incapacitated parasite and to her door again.

“JOHNNY,” She seethed. “I told you to FUCK OFF!”

A few seconds passed.

“It’s me, Tenna, not nutso Johnny-guy.” Tenna’s voice was laced in concern.

Devi blinked, startled by the reminder that anyone else existed nearby besides herself, and that obviously people had heard her and Johnny’s fight, and that Tenna was surely worried about her well-being. After a moment she moved to unlock the door, but seeing her friend did little to relax her frenzied state.

“Devi, holy shit, what happened!?” She leaned in close, looking back a few times to make sure no one else was in the hallway.

“Tenna I—I really don’t think I can talk right now.” Devi bit out, doing her best to not take anything out on the innocent woman in front of her.

Like usual, Tenna was uninterested in Devi’s attempts to keep her at arm’s length, and urged herself further into the apartment.

“He tried to stab you??” She whispered in disbelief. Devi stared at her, fingers twitching at hearing the words played back to her, then turned to walk madly around the room.

“HE TRIED TO FUCKING STAB ME, TENNA!” Devi yelled again, once more unconcerned with what her neighbors thought about it. “He talks all this stupid crap about how I’m so wonderful and benevolent, and how he owes me SO MUCH, and then he tries to STAB ME!!”

Her fingers bent into her hair as she gripped it in frustration.

“That asshole! That absolute fucking asshole!” Devi’s body shook as her hands slid from her hair down to cup her face. “With all that I RISKED to do this…!!”

A sudden burning in her eyes was enough to horrify her into holding back any bitter tears that dared to bubble up. She wouldn’t lose a single one over him, not again. All the same, her throat tightened, and she decided not to speak again until the wave of emotion passed.

Her motives were selfish, that much was true, but he had everything to gain through this, while she had everything to lose if it failed. Johnny hardly seemed miserable to go on being an anti-social bastard that murdered from time to time – but if that Meat voice won out against him, there was no doubt in her mind that she would be Johnny’s target if the need he had to fill was social, or God forbid, physical. Consume to excess, that was what he said his new parasite wanted for him, and she did not want to find out what that meant when it came to her.

Devi fell into a seated position on the couch, her face still buried in her hands.

“I wish he had just fucking died, Ten. I wish he had just… died, and stayed dead.” She lamented quietly. Tenna frowned and sat in the spot next to Devi, again patting her shoulder like she was a sad puppy.

Far below, on the darkened sidewalk that ran beside the building, a thin figure watched Devi’s window mournfully, before slinking away from sight.

--

NEXT.

[jinterlude]

Andante, Adante

↳ header is made by yours truly. I do not own the rights to the image used.

➳ Pairing: Kim Junmyeon x Reader (female OC)

➳ Genre(s): College!AU, Professor!AU, Romance, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, & Slight-Angst

➳ Words: 3.5K

➳ Summary:  After witnessing your friends become broken hearted over and over, you have vowed to never fall in love. You even develop this tower around your heart in order to protect it. So, what happens when a certain new department chair comes into the picture? Will he successfully tear it down or will he just further prove your worries right? 

The faint crackle from a record player slowly enters your ears. This warm, comforting feeling invades your heart as a familiar instrumental begins to sound. The signature sound of your favorite music group, ABBA, fills your office while you dig out a vanilla colored folder from your bag.

You didn’t have any class sessions scheduled until the afternoon, so you have a decent size break. A break that is needed since you’re quite behind on grading your students’ papers.

Why did you assign a ten-page research assignment again? Oh…that’s right…there’s this weird university requirement where the students must write at least two thousand words for the class before the semester is over—and apparently creative writing assignments do not count towards the requirement.

A faint scoff exits your lips as you shake your head, quietly mocking the stupid university requirement. You then reach for one of the many red pens that are bundled together in a mug. You pull off the cap and then put it on the end of the pen.

           “Alright…time to get to work…”

You reach for the first of many assignments and start grading…

Or so you’ve hoped…

Not even done with the second submitted assignment, your office door swings open but immediately slams shut. Then, heavy pants combine with the voices of ABBA, creating this sense of alertness within you. However, you remain focus on your goal. The goal of grading at least half of your students’ assignments.

           “Isn’t it a bit early for the theatrics, Sumin?” You question with little to no emotion, skimming the contents of the third turned-in assignment.

Soon, a soft yet impactful whine flows through your ears. Oh, goodie… you triggered her.

The younger woman pushes herself away from the door but not before locking it, praying that her loving yet extremely annoying fiancé hasn’t figured out that she’s hiding out in her big “sister’s” office.

She then maneuvers through the semi-mess that is your office and plops her cute little behind on the chair in front of your mahogany wood desk.

A faint amuse smile paints your lips as you peek up from the fifth submitted assignment that’s currently in your hands.

           “I’ll ask again, isn’t a bit early for the theatrics, little sis?” You ask again, waiting for her answer.

Sumin frowns and then cocks her head back; her eyes now glued onto the ceiling.

           “Why did I agree to marry him again?” She replies in a questioning tone of voice.

Okay…

That’s not the response you’re looking for.

           “Maybe because you love him and see yourself spending the rest of your life with him?”

           “Ugh…why did it have to be me?”

Your mind registers her question; a chuckle begins to brew within your chest. How fitting that she says that just as the song, that is titled with that question, begins to play. Who would’ve thought that a song which starts off so lively is actually about self-doubt and essentially one-night stands?

Slowly but surely the chuckle starts to surface. Even though you’ve tried your hardest to stifle it.

The last thing you want to is to annoy your rather adorable colleague—though—it’s quite entertaining to do so.

           “Let me guess. You were lonesome, almost blue, and it had to be him,” You begin, quickly masking the amused expression that wants to display loud and clear, “But you only wanted a little love affair so now you think it’s better that Seokjin forgets you.” You finish, thinning your lips to prevent the boisterous laugh that’s desperate to come out. Sumin’s face is freaking priceless right now.

Oh…her confusion is always the best thing on this planet. Well, besides ABBA of course.

Sumin opens her mouth but soon closes it, a bit unsure how to phrase her next set of words.

Her brows knit together. Tiny wrinkles form on her forehead.

Minutes pass and this look of realization dawns on her.

           “Did you just quote ABBA to me?” questions Sumin, a bit confused as she mentally repeats each lyrics that is being sung.

Finally, the laughter, that brews within your chest, erupts into a loud, lively sensation. Your boisterous chuckle bounces off the four walls of your office, mixing with the music that comes from the record player.

You nod; your laughter slowly dying down, yet you still have the amused smirk gracing your face.

           “But in all seriousness, why are you hiding away in my office?” You inquired, setting down yet another graded paper on its designated stack.

Sumin glances away from the ceiling, tilting her head down to establish eye contact with you.

           “Because, this is the last place that he’d—” Before she can finish her sentence, someone knocks on your door. Then, a person’s voice follows.

           “Princess! I know you’re in there!”

This look of dread washes over your friend’s face. Panic instills in her eyes as she grows unsure. What will she do? She doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. She especially doesn’t want him to think that she regrets accepting his proposal.

She slowly turns towards you and mouths, “help me…”

You make a face. You too are unsure on how to handle their unique situation. Then, an idea pops into your mind. Taking a page from one of your student’s essays, you decide to play couple’s therapy.

Without saying a word, you push back your chair and stand up. You feel Sumin’s gaze on you as you calmly walk over to your door.

           “What are you doing…?” You hear your friend ask as she becomes more anxious.

You grasp the door handle and swing it open.

           “Easy. I am mending your relationship with your fiancé.” You tell her, revealing a panting Seokjin.

Seokjin muttered a quick thanks as he strides right in your office.

Sumin unleashes a long, annoyed groaned, as she feels betrayed by you.

Oh well. She’ll have to get over it.

           “Why are hiding from me, princess?” He asks, taking a seat right next to her.

You chuckle softly as you make your way back to your desk. This ought to be entertaining for you. You plant your ass back in your office chair and move it forward your desk, closing the gap between. It’s always easier to grade papers and stay focus when you are close to your work table.

           “Yeah Sumin. Why are you hiding away from your doting fiancé?” You playfully ask, repeating his question.

Sumin rolls her eyes at your comment, silently berating you.

           “Because, I can’t take all of this wedding talk!” She practically shouts. Her emotions bursting out.

Seokjin’s eyes widen. His jaw nearly drops to the floor. He feels his heart tighten against his chest after hearing her comment.

You, on the other hand, let out a long wince. You’re just her friend and you feel his pain.

           “Then, why did you accept my proposal if you dislike planning our wedding?” He spat, allowing the hurt and anger to consume his mind.

           “I never said I disliked planning our wedding!”

           “That’s pretty much you mean when you said that you can’t take all of this wedding talk!”

           “I mean that I’m being overwhelmed, you insufferable twat!”

           “Oh!? So, now I’m being insufferable?!”

           “Right now?! Yeah!”

You watch the two of them go back and forth. You honestly feel like you’re watching a tennis match, that’s in a never ending rally. Both of them raising their voices to outdo the other. The insults gradually worsen.

Is this what love is supposed to be? If it is, then you’re glad that you’re single. It seems like love hurts…and it doesn’t help that you already have developed a tiny fear of it. You have seen your friends countlessly broken hearted after being dumped by the one person who has sworn to love them forever.

To protect yourself from it, you decide to focus on your work. You develop this giant wall around your heart, guarding it from any potential suitor that express interest in you.

No broke heart for you…

Not wanting to be yelled by your fellow department members, you shout, hoping to get their attention. Time to play, “couple’s therapy”, or else their relationship is done.

           “Okay…seems like you two have some pent up frustrations…” You begin, picking your words carefully as you don’t want to trigger them again.

Both Sumin and Seokjin scoff.

           “That’s an understatement…” mutters Sumin, crossing her arms over her chest.

Seokjin nods in agreement.

You purse your lips, exhaling deeply, as you think that you need to tackle this a little differently.

           “So, why do you guys have so much bottled emotions? Don’t you guys usually talk it out?” You question, leaning in your seat a little.

           “We do, but this fool right next to me believes that everything is just dandy once I apologize for my mistakes. He doesn’t even remotely admit that he was in the wrong too!” Sumin answers. Her voice raising a bit near the end.

Seokjin becomes offended by her words. He then refutes her claims by stating that he does acknowledge his mistakes, but it is her own damn fault for not listening to him. Then, that triggers her again.

You stare at them in disbelief as they engage in another bickering war.

For the love of God…

           “Okay! Enough you two! What you guys are doing has to stop or just fucking break up! You two constantly arguing over the littlest of shit is quite frankly toxic, and it makes me fucking glad that I’m single!” Your anger bursts out of your body. You breathe heavily, staring intensely at the two. You just want to get back to grading since your free time is almost over.

Both Sumin and Seokjin shyly glance at each other. Their hearts aching at the thought of them no longer being a pair. Something has to change or else they will have to part ways for the sake of their sanity.

           “I’m sorry.” They said in unison, looking incredibly apologetic.

You eye them oddly, feeling a bit confused at how fast they apologized. Maybe you will think about becoming a couple’s therapist as a side job. It doesn’t hurt to earn a little extra money.

           “It’s not like I’m fed up with planning our wedding. I’m just…feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything.” Sumin confesses, explaining her recent behavior. Though, she knows that doesn’t give her the excuse to be uncooperative.

Seokjin places his hand on top of hers, squeezing it just a bit.

           “What’s got you so overwhelmed, princess?”

           “Just that we got this new dean in my department, and I hear that he’s terminating people’s position based on the success rate of their students last semester,” Sumin pauses for a moment, “And as you know, I didn’t have that great of semester during the Spring…” She finishes as this look of concern washes over.

You eye your friend sadly, not wanting her to be fired over something so little. It’s not her fault that her students gave up halfway after seeing that her class isn’t this “throw away” class where you earn easy credits. No. Just like with your class, if you want an “A” in her class, then you do the work. Plain and simple.

As you open your mouth to say some encouraging words, the three of you hear a knock.

Your brows furrow together as you aren’t aware that a student has come to see you during your office hours.

You tell the couple that you’ll be right back as you push your chair away. You stand up and head over to the office door. You swiftly open it, not wanting to keep your student waiting.

           “I’m incredibly sorry. I wasn’t aware that I had someone scheduled to come in during…my…office…hours…” Your voice slows as you see a man, nicely dressed in a dark grey suit with his hair styled just a bit, standing outside instead of a student.

Oh…that’s extremely awkward…

           “Pardon my intrusion, but my name is Kim Junmyeon, and I am your new department head.” He introduces, holding out his hand for you to shake.

You remain standing there; your mouth slightly ajar, looking like a complete idiot. Your pupils dilate just a bit. You feel your face grow warm while your heart starts to race.

In short…you’ve become smitten with the handsome man in front of you.

Sumin, noticing that you haven’t said anything in almost a minute, peeks behind your body.

           “I apologize for my friend, she’s usually articulate in these types of situation!” You hear Sumin tease, forcibly pulling you away from your conflicted thoughts.

You lightly slap your face, pulling yourself together. Though, you’re certain that you just made a bigger fool of yourself.

Luckily…Junmyeon doesn’t think so. Unknown to you, he finds it a bit cute that you’ve become awestruck. Normally, that happens to his friends Jongin and Chanyeol due to how extremely handsome they are. While, with him, he deems himself as average. Seeing your eyes widen and your lips slightly open makes him feel—happy.

           “That’s quite alright.” He chuckles as he drops his hand, acknowledging that he’s not getting a hand shake, “I usually get that myself, so I know that feeling.” He says, smiling at you. He needs to stop though or else you might actually fall for him. “As I was saying, I am the new department head for literature, and I wanted to get to know my fellow colleagues.” He states, explaining his presence near your office.

You nod with a friendly smile.

           “Oh. Well, hello! I’m Y/N L/N, and I teach composition theories and practices and introduction to the literature of the United States and British Isles for this department.” You finally introduce yourself, feeling a bit proud of the subjects that you’re so graciously bestowed with.

Junmyeon can’t help but feel impress with your topics, especially with British literature. He always finds that subject to be quite difficult since British literature has a wide range of authors and eras with different issues that need to be known.

Yeah…it makes his brain hurt just thinking about it…

           “Well, it is nice to meet you. I look forward to working with you and maybe seeing you around in the office.” He says before bidding farewell to you.

You say a quick, “okay”, as you close your office door. Though, you swear that your voice cracked just a little. Great.

A long, content filled sigh leaves your lips. You remain still, alone with your thoughts. You try to wrap your mind around the fact that your department chair makes you this silly school girl with a crush. You can’t possible feel this way over someone you’ve just met. No. It’s not possible. Yes, you don’t deny that he’s handsome but, at the same time, it’s highly inappropriate to think so. You need to squash these feelings quickly.

With a determined smile, you walk back to your desk. Not to grade your students’ assignments, but to gather your class material as it’s time for your next session.

           “So…you’re not going to pursue him?” You hear Sumin ask, registering the playfulness in her tone.

           “Seokjin, can’t you control your fiancée?” You question, ignoring Sumin’s knowing smirk and the teasing gleam in her eyes.

Seokjin laughs, “Oh, I wish I could, but you and I both know that she does what she wants. I’m just here to make sure that she doesn’t get in trouble whenever you or Kat are not around.”

This time you laugh, agreeing with his statement.

           “Speaking of Kat, how is her relationship with what’s his face?”

           “Chanyeol? Last time I heard, it’s good, especially when she says that he makes her “wetter than a wet nap”.”

           “Gross. I didn’t need to know that.”

           “Well…you asked…”

A few weeks later, things have returned to normal. Well – as normal as they can be – since the semester is nearing the end and everything is becoming fast-pace. You still have papers to grade. Projects to assign to your students. It’s just one giant tornado of assignments that need to be release. You even have students coming up to you and inquiring how they can raise their grades. Now, that means you have to create extra credit opportunities. Which means…more grading…

Currently packing away your lecture materials, you say goodbye to each and every one of your students as they exit the classroom. You turn off the computer, making sure to grab your thumb drive in the process.

And just as you’re ready to exit the room, you hear someone knocking. They even announce that they’re knocking.

           “Ah, Y/N! I was hoping that I would find you here.” Says a familiar voice, causing you to smile.

           “Well, Mr. Kim, I’m always in this room until about 10:15 A.M.” You playfully point out as you walk over to the door, which Junmyeon politely holds open for you before trailing after you.

           “Of course, I knew that,” He scratches his neck nervously, “Anyway, I was wondering if you would like to grab a cup of coffee with me before your next lecture.” He says, trying his hardest to sound confident.

From what Sumin has told him, you like strong, confident people. Bonus points if they’re dorky and funny, which he is – or at least – that’s what his friends tell him. All. The. Fucking. Time. If only he hasn’t known them since their high school days, he would’ve gotten new friends by now.

           “I mean, if it is too forward of me to be asking you this, then I take it back!” He quickly adds, observing your long silence, as the two of you exit the liberal arts building.

You snap out of your thoughts, “Huh? Oh! You’re not being forward at all! I was just um recalling what I had to do before the weekend comes.” You explain with an apologetic smile, embarrassed about your actions.

However, Junmyeon waves away your explanation, citing that you never have to apologize for worrying about work. He adds that he understands completely. While, he doesn’t lecture as often as you do, he juggles his lecture position with his department chair position. And that is not fun whatsoever. There have been times he accidentally brought his lecture materials to his meetings with other department chairs and vice versa. So if anyone understands your struggles, it’s him.

And that is something that makes you feel appreciative. That is also why the wall around your heart is almost gone. Since the first day the two of you have met, you feel this strong pull. But – of course – you ignore them as you allow the fear of falling in love control your happiness. You even chant repeatedly that it’s inappropriate for two colleagues to even remotely express interest in each other.

So…why…?

Why has he continued to show a keen interest in you?

Ranging from leaving a nice fresh cup of coffee on your office desk to happily buying you lunch.

Seriously. His sweet gestures show no chance of stopping anytime soon – and it only fuels the warmness in your heart. Lately, you find yourself smiling softly or blushing like a fool whenever you see his little presents or even just thinking about him.

Hearing his name alone sent the butterflies in your tummy into a wild frenzy. And when you’ve talked this out with Sumin, that’s when it finally occurred to you.

You no longer fear love. You no longer fear the idea of arguing with him over something little. As you recall your friend’s wise words,

           “Honestly, you should worry when he doesn’t fight you on something. Seokjin arguing with me, here and there, shows that he cares enough in this relationship to let me know that ‘hey, I’m here, and I’m not going let some petty argument get the best of us.’ Most of the time, I’m in the wrong, and I freely admit that once I’ve cooled down and see his perspective of the situation.” Sumin smiles softly, “And, I wouldn’t have known that if he didn’t argue back.” She finishes before taking a sip of her peach flavored green tea.

If arguing means that he will never let you down, then you’ll gladly accept that.

           “Of course, I’ll love to get a cup of coffee with you.” You say. Your eyes practically beaming with happiness.

Junmyeon’s eyes widen in return. His heart skipping a beat. His tummy doing somersaults. To say that he feels like he won the jackpot would be an understatement.

He feels that the Gods of romance finally bestowed him the chance at happiness. He has never met someone who connects with him on a personal level before. Most of the time, it’s been fake. The women he unfortunately went out on a date with, only wanted to get to know his friends. Women only see him as this stepping stool to get to his friends but not you.

No…

You’re special.

           “Would it be alright if I call this a date?”

           “I’ll do you one better. Pick me up this Saturday evening at 6:00 P.M.”

           “Perfect.”

A/N: I FINALLY FINISHED ONE OF THE XMAS PRESENTS! If you can’t tell this is for @yehet-me-up Sarah AKA Suho’s queen! She has written me a birthday drabble last year and honestly, she’s just an amazing person. While, I do not talk to her about any problem that I have, I know that she would listen to my worries if I ever did. She is one of the brightest and warmest person on this site, and I just love her. She is like my Tumblr big sister, who likes to make me suffer here and there. I will forever be grateful to have her in my life and value my friendship with her. 

I hope you like this one shot! I may not be writer goals like you and Kat LOL but I tried my best, especially listening to the “Mamma Mia 2: Here We Go Again” soundtrack on repeat lol I love you Sarah! :) 

Side note: @yeoltidecarol I had to mention Kat and one of her infamous tags when it comes to Chanyeol ;)

Don’t forget to leave a comment/like/reblog/a message in my inbox! I love hearing your thoughts! :)

- Kim

[dalekofchaos]

The Dark side is not inherently evil

The Jedi taught the dark side was always evil. It was quicker, more seductive. Yoda said once you go down the dark side it will forever dominate your destiny.

But we all know that the Jedi dogma has been proven false by Anakin Skywalker and even Luke admitted they were wrong. Their main error is they think the dark side is evil. It certainly is not. It can be used for evil but it isn't evil.

The light side can also be used for evil. The Jedi used the light side to become arrogant, self serving, distant, and cold.

The entire Clone Wars was based on the Jedi believing that the Star systems in the Republic could not break off. Were the Separatist evil? Or did they simply want their independence? Remember the whole dispute in Naboo started because the Republic starting massive taxes on trade routes. Very similar to what happen when England raised taxes in America. So was America evil for wanted their independence? The majority of Separatists were evil yes, but from a certain point of view, you can argue that the majority of The Separatists just wanted free of The Republic’s corruption, The leaders were corrupt, but the people who wanted freedom were good. The Separatists were good from a certain point of view

The dark side is simply the other side of the coin of human emotion. The light side is about thinking, calm, defense, and knowlege. The dark side is about emotion, love, anger, fear, and passion.

The aspects of the darkside (fear, anger, love, passion, attachment) are not evil. They are basic human emotion. Being angry and fearful is an important part of the human experience. But when these emotions spin out of control then things go bad.

But the aspects of the light side (passive, defense, knowlege) can also lead to disaster. As seen in the PT.

True balance is only achived when one masters both the light and dark.

The Jedi lost balance because their dogmatic teachings did not allow for darkside emotion to be experienced and understood. So when a Jedi did go to the darkside he did not know how to control it.

The Sith were the exact opposite and only knew the dark.

I think both Luke and Snoke(at least in TFA) were slowly realizing that true mastery of the force requires knowledge of the dark and the light. That they are 2 sides of the same coin.

The light and dark are merely tools. Depending on the use and understanding of these tools, we get good and evil. Being fully submerged in the light did not prevent the Jedi Order from the wrong they did. I think balance is the key, and something the ST is alluding to. Snoke believing in balance yet using it for evil. Luke coming to the same conclusion yet using it for good.Though I think the true balance is something like what Qui-Gon-Jinn attained. He was more submerged in the light, yet enough in the dark to use his own mind rather than becoming a blind follower of the Jedi code.

The dark side is only seen as evil because the Jedi deal too much in extremes. Completely ignoring/controlling your emotions or completely given in to them. A health balance of both is better.

There is some truth to Anakin’s “From my point of view the Jedi are evil”  The Jedi were supposed to be guardians of peace, and servants to the entire Galaxy, yet when it came down to choosing a side, they chose to alienate all planets that fell under Confederate control. How many people in the Confederacy died needing their help, but weren't given it because the Jedi allied themselves with the Republic? After you watch the Clone Wars series, you see so many examples of times when the jedi order was becoming corrupt. They had become militarized in a time of war when their original intent was to be peace-keepers and defenders of the weak. Anakin recognizes this and starts to believe that there might be better alternatives to being a jedi. It almost seemed like the jedi were going to fall prey to their own arrogance and hypocrisy. SO many people along the way warned them. So many people said they were straying from their path and rules. It was like that at every turn. It was like they enjoyed the power. Honestly I see why it was so easy to believe the jedi turned on the Republic. They used clones like they were expendable, they played general when they weren't supposed to be offensive, they enjoyed positions of power... Remember when Palpatine said there wasn't really that much of a difference between the Sith and the Jedi? I recalled Mace Windu's line that Palpatine was too dangerous to be left alive, is also what Palpatine said to Anakin when he killed Count Dooku. Remember when the Jedi Council feared Anakin's potential and Yoda saying fear leads to the dark side. When Palpatine accused that the Jedi were trying to betray him as Chancellor it turned out to be true. Ki-Adi-Mundi specifically said "If he does not give up his emergency powers after the destruction of Grievous, then he should be removed from office". And Mace Windu said "The Jedi Council would have to take control of the Senate in order to secure a peaceful transition". Remember when Mace Windu openly displays his mistrust with Anakin. Then putting him on the council but not make him a master, which hasn't happened in the history of the Jedi Council. And then they ordered him to spy on the Chancellor's dealings, which Obi-Wan had to tell Anakin covertly because this assignment "was not in the books". I think that is why in the EU Luke reformed the council and even had a kid of his own. Anakin was right.

Jolee Bindo is a perfect example of how the dark side is not completely evil

"Love doesn't lead to the dark side. Passion can lead to rage and fear, and can be controlled, but passion is not the same thing as love. Controlling your passions while being in love, that's what they should teach you to beware, but love itself will save, not condemn you."

Jolee used the dark side of the force because he realized it wasn't inherently evil and a person could control it without succumbing to doing terrible things.

And speaking of KOTOR. Revan chose to embrace the dark side and create his own Sith Empire to prepare the galaxy for the True Sith. He chose to embrace the dark side to save the galaxy from the Sith. At least until TOR ruined Revan’s character

"Perhaps Revan never fell. The difference between a fall and a sacrifice is sometimes difficult, but I feel that Revan understood that difference, more than anyone knew. The galaxy would have fallen if Revan had not gone to war."

Is the Dark Side evil? Well answer this: Is it evil to hate, or is it good to hate evil? Is it evil to love, or is it only evil to love evil? I put it to you that under the right circumstances they are both virtues, representing the creative and competitive instincts that created civilization and brought about all true beauty in the galaxy. They can be the worst of us, but they are most definitely the best of us.

The Jedi will tell you that both love and hate lead to evil, and that their cold, remote order embodies all that is good. But under Jedi rule - and make no mistake, the Jedi are the iron fist concealed by the "democratic" velvet glove of the Republic - civilization has stagnated, moving no further in more than a thousand years. Perhaps the Jedi shackling of the soul prevents some evil, but how much good has it also prevented? The advancement of art and science both demand passion, they demand sapients explore all states of being open to them. The Jedi have enforced peace, at a price that cannot be borne.

If the Jedi are good, why does slavery persist in the galaxy after a thousand years of their rule? Why can the Hutts rule as petty tyrants over billions of innocents, right under their noses? The Jedi do not seek good, they seek balance. And where is balance? Not in the beauty of life, in the spiralling of helices and the eternity of destruction and renewal. There is only balance in lifelessness, in the desolate wastes, in the grave. It is no accident that the Jedi are ordered to celibacy, the women to remain fallow and the men to leave their seeds unsewed. The Jedi are ever suspicious of the very best in our nature, prejudiced against its unpredictability and lack of "balance".

I will tell you, the Jedi are evil. For a thousand years, they have forced stagnation on the galaxy, by repressing the at times chaotic, but ultimately sacred instincts of all sapients - instincts which have no place in their universe. And of course we have stagnated - without love, without hate, why do anything? Why not sit down calmly and simply die?

The Dark Side is not evil - it only appears that way because those who would use it, who would break the stultifying hold of the Jedi on the Force, are so sought out and persecuted by the supposedly dispassionate Jedi that they must act radically to survive at all. The Jedi are ever-vigilant against any rising force that could threaten their own monopoly, so those who would seek a better way are chained to violence, not by the nature of the Dark Side, but by the Jedi Order's own intolerance.

The Force comes from the life force, and the Dark Side is creative, chaotic, and beautiful, like life itself. The Dark Side is not evil. It is merely power, and power is only evil when wielded by evil hands - just as the so-called Light Side has done great evil in the form of the Jedi stranglehold on the galaxy. The Dark Side gives us abilities to control our fate, to protect our loved ones, to seek out new frontiers of the mind undreamed of in the pedestrian ambitions of the Jedi. They are abilities I can teach you, if you wish...

[livefreeordie13]

#86 it’s just you and me Hit me with that fluff, or angst turned fluff??

Alright, more painfully innocent fluff with a dash of teenage hormones. No I’ve never written a souyo fic without sexual tension.  No I’ve never tried.

(Sorry, this one’s a little meatier; it kinda got away from me. ;___; And forgive me but I cheated just a SLIGHT bit on the actual prompt line. The version I went with just sounded better in my head.)

(The Strategist)

For all his hatred of school, and the work therein, Yosuke Hanamura rarely skipped class anymore.  He used to do it in middle school a little, before his parents found out and scared the wits out of him with various threats to his person and property.  Since then, he’d basically gone to school six days a week when it was open, sans the occasional sick/mental health day.  

But Yu Narukami?  Yu Narukami didn’t strike him as a skipper.  Not remotely.  

In fact, he was so uptight about attending school and performing well at it that his attitude often had Yosuke pine for those middle school days when he and a few friends would shuffle out of the stairway exits and make their way down the street to the arcade.  Sure, maybe those hadn’t been the best of times, but, in all fairness, none of his pre-Inaba memories could really compare to the ones he’d been creating with Yu and the Investigation Team.  

He didn’t quite get why simply knowing someone who actually liked school would get him to want to skip it, but maybe it had something to do with the fact that he was constantly uncomfortable (with himself, but also) with literally everything Yu did.  At any given time.  And because he had a fairly massive crush on Yu that he hadn’t been able to resolve to his satisfaction.

He huffed and rapped his pencil impatiently on his desk, just loud enough so that in front of him, Yu turned his head to look at him through his peripheral.  Yosuke straightened in his chair immediately and whispered, “Sorry,” (although he didn’t mean it), and Yu quirked a small, understanding smile at him before turning back around to the lecture.

Yosuke huffed again, albeit much quieter this time.  Yeah, he had to get Yu to skip.  This was unbearable.

The next day after school, he’d implemented all of his charm as he proposed his skipping idea, winking and promising more fun than he was sure they’d actually have.  Yu looked suspicious of him from the moment he approached, but, to Yosuke’s surprise and delight, did eventually agree.  

“Wha-really? You’ll do it?!” Yosuke’s voice went to a much higher pitch than he’d wanted it to, but he tried to ignore how annoyed it made him feel.

“I think it could be fun, sure,” Yu shrugged. “If you know what you’re doing,” he prodded.

Yosuke stammered and pulled at the hair on the back of his head. “Y-yeah of course! It’ll be a blast! We’ll head out to Okina or something - you know, catch a movie or … whatever.”

“Now that sounds like a date,” the boy teased, with a small cock of his head.

Yosuke rolled his eyes and slapped both hands to his cheeks.  “Oh~ I can’t believe I get to take the popular Yu Narukami out on a date! What on earth will I wear?”

Yu punched his arm lightly and the two chuckled as they headed off the school grounds and back to the Dojima residence for homework.  Yosuke dutifully completed every assignment he was given that evening but spent much of the time excitedly formulating a plan in his head for the next day.  

The next day came, and Yosuke was not prepared.  

Well, he was kind of prepared.  He knew what kind of fun things he wanted to get up to in Okina, but exactly how to get out of the school?  He’d kinda given up on that … He knew enough about the building at this point to guess where all the least-populated places might be, but he hadn’t really successfully strategized their grand escape from said building.  A part of him that he didn’t completely want to admit to secretly hoped that Yu would be able to come up with some ideas.  

Slipping out during a class transition was easy enough - Yosuke had at least been able to think that far.  But his creativity hit a roadblock once they entered the hallway, and it must have been obvious, because Yu suddenly took the lead as effortlessly as he did in the other world.  Yosuke was a tiny bit disappointed in himself, but Yu was their leader for a reason, after all.  If Yosuke was good at anything, it was falling in line behind him.

Although … now that they were walking down a barren hallway towards the main stairway (at Yu’s silent order), doubt was clouding his mind.  Thinking about even attempting the main floor was what had given Yosuke so much heartburn the previous night.  Why Yu was choosing it now was beyond him … maybe he didn’t know another way?  Yosuke found that unlikely, though. Everyone knew that the first year hallway was always occupied with faculty.

Yosuke didn’t like the way his nerves were beginning to twinge in his belly as they traipsed down the steps towards the shoe lockers.  They huddled on the stairway against the wall, listening to the rise and fall of their teachers’ voices chattering outside the faculty office.  All the while, Yosuke mentally shuffled through the array of video games he’d have to sacrifice once they got caught. Seriously, Partner, why choose the main entrance?!  If only Yosuke had just had the nerve to admit that he’d come up blank earlier, they could have planned this out beforehand just like they did in the TV world …

Suddenly, Yu turned to him with wide eyes, and that was when Yosuke could tell that one of the voices was growing more distinct and - even more frightening - much closer.  

Yu shoved him back up the stairs and Yosuke nearly tripped over them he was in such a rush to obey.  They shuffled, bumping into each other, back around the bend of the staircase while the teacher neared the bottom and passed it.  By that point, both boys were upstairs in the second year hallway again, panting and trying to control their racing hearts.

“Hey, why don’t we just go through the gym or something?!” Yosuke whisperscreamed when he was fairly confident no one else was around.

“Way too populated. I thought the first floor would be the quickest since it’s closest to the entrance. I … kind of forgot about all the teachers down there.”

Yosuke rolled his eyes in exasperation and scanned the hallways, paranoid that someone would poke their heads out of one of these classrooms any minute now.  “You know, partner, you might be a lot better at this in the TV world,” he whined.

He was considering suggesting the hallway towards the practice building when Yu smacked his arm.  “Yosuke!”

He turned towards him and assumed Yu must have seen something down the hall, because before he could open his mouth Yu had grabbed him and pulled him into a nearby supply closet.  

It was completely dark and Yosuke had no idea what he was stepping on (in??) and this was not how he imagined his afternoon going.  They were supposed to be on a train right now to Okina, not shoved against each other in a pitch black closet filled with the potent smell of cleaning supplies.  It was hot in here, too. Stuffy.

Yu had his hands braced against the door on either side of Yosuke’s head, his open jacket flaps brushing against Yosuke’s stomach as the boy leaned towards the door to hear better.  This brought his face very near to Yosuke’s face, and the proximity made his skin buzz.  He decided he didn’t really like being trapped here with Yu hovering so near to him.  It made a wretchedly familiar pang of arousal leap through his gut, and he hated that possibly even more than he hated school.  

He tried to tune out the fluttery feeling racing through him by listening to the sounds beyond the door.  He heard nothing - not the sound of walking, no doors, no screech of shoes over the worn tile.  He wondered what Yu had seen that had made him drag them in here.

After several agonizing seconds of Yosuke desperately fighting the temptation to lean in and smell him, Yu broke the silence.  His voice sounded calm and clean as it brushed passed his ear. “They’re gone,” he declared, yet remained stationed with his hands against the door and his body hovering close to Yosuke’s.  

Yosuke’s heart thudded fiercely in his chest.  He wished he could tell what was going through his partner’s mind, why his secret crush was subjecting him to this.  

Then Yu moved his head so that he was facing him, and Yosuke’s stomach dropped out when the other boy smiled at him and mumbled, darkly, “Looks like it’s just you and me.”  

Yu leveled his gaze at him, and Yosuke realized in that instant that his partner was a much more brilliant strategist than he’d just given him credit for.

fin

(Aaaa sorry it ended so abruptly but I didn’t want it to just drag on… I’m pretty sure at this point Yosuke just gets super flustered and breaks out of the closet and makes so much noise that they both get caught and are given punishwork and they never skip school again the end)

(Okay but it is a funny couples-story they eventually tell the IT like years later because it was when Yosuke first realized Yu liked him)

Okay, well that was the last prompt I’ve gotten thus far, so feel free to submit more at your own risk. I think I’ve gotten better at turn-around but can’t speak for the quality, unfortunately. Oh well!  At least I have fun writing? 

[frankwallace]

On becoming a composer

 Customer Inquiry

A customer of Gyre Music recently ordered several of my more serious works for solo guitar. And so, being pleased I might have a new and serious fan, I wrote directly to him to thank him and ask what his plans were for the pieces. I was surprised, and also pleased, when he wrote back that he had not the ability to play them, but only wanted to study the scores as a budding composer. He continued that he admired my work and particularly loved my use of dissonance. Subsequently he asked if I would consider telling him more about my development as a composer. I answered with the following and thought it might be of interest to others…

Beginning composer

I never even dreamed of being a composer. I’ve never taught or studied composition. All I write comes from instinct on top of my education and decades of paying attention to what is going on in music. A very few frustrating attempts along the way, literally once a decade or so, led nowhere. Yet somehow in the mid 90’s at age 45 or so, my wife suddenly proposed that I record some of my own music. She was nuts! There was no music to record.

But the seed was planted. Sketches, that you now have, was a growing collection of short works for my young students. I was getting bored with the method I was teaching and I was bored with the business of a music career – finding gigs, students etc. So teaching young children was a new course of action for me and it was engrossing. Writing simple studies and fun pieces for them led to everything that followed as a composer.

Love every note

One day I was composing a simple blues piece for a student and I suddenly started going off in new and unexpected directions. This became the Prelude to Suite Ladyslipper. Intrigued and encouraged, I pulled out some old notebooks. Somewhat miraculously I was able to make sense out of a ton of old messy writing, and that became Quadrangle. That was it – I was hooked. Was I a composer?

The key seemed to be that I had nothing invested, no goal other than pure joy. I loved the sounds I was creating and I always loved making beautiful sounds on the guitar. Whenever I created a chord that I had never heard before it was particularly gratifying. I somehow trusted myself as a composer in ways I never had as a performer. It was all good! And I can say that I still feel that way – I love every single piece I have written and have thrown away very little.

Compose with trust

You asked about several pieces that happen to represent the beginning of my second period of composition. The first period had little chromatic dissonance. I was modelling a lot on Renaissance practice and molding dissonance within the scale or mode. It pleased me. But curiosity about what else I could do led to new sounds. Serial music had little attraction for me, but I knew the basics and so tried a few tone rows – Red Lion comes to mind from Song of Albin. The Elements was mostly a lot of improv with no special idea or concept of technical compositional goals. This emerging, more contemporary style certainly came in part from a great admiration and attraction to the “Bream repertoire” – Britten, Walton, Henze, etc.

In The Bells, however, I developed a technique of assigning notes to the letters of names. The second Bell is for Norbert Dams, whose name generated note groups from a simple chart. The opening chords literally spell his name. The notes I generated for Epitafio a un Pajaro seemed too boring – just an A minor chord arpeggio. So I made a chromatic version, then added the name of the poet for the song, Federico Garcia Lorca. I manipulated those notes into different chords and voicings/melodies and finally found something attractive. It comes back to trust that my ear could manipulate and mold that which I didn’t like into a new and attractive idea. Cool thing was, the A minor chord became the basis for the third movement and was perfect. It represented the peace of the butterfly [representing the soul] flying free and my ear led me to writing in the style of a Renaissance Agnus Dei.

Seed of chance

I have now written many pieces in this fashion. It’s kind of like throwing dice – there is an element of chance. But that only generates the seed and then I mold the growth of the germ to my satisfaction, like a Bonsai artist. I have no predetermined concept of form and try not to push a concept into the realm of intellectual boredom. You need to keep a visceral link to the process. You want your ideas to move and transform themselves. It’s time to return to the beginning of the piece when an idea gets boring. Go back and experiment with how it can be transformed or re-generated into a new related idea. This maintains continuity, but creates interest and excitement.

My second sonata, Timid Nightingale, completed a year ago, used a couple of names and a medieval melody that were woven together into a five minute piece. One three note melodic progression of F, E, D# ends the first piece and generated the beginning of the second movement, then maintains a presence throughout all four, 17 minutes in total.

Musical ideas come in many ways

A retired professor that lived around the corner gave me my only composition lesson. I asked him about the ear and the fact that I felt I could not generate musical ideas in my mind alone. If I do hear something in my head, I can’t reliably write it down. I asked him about this and he responded, “Do you like the music you write?” My enthusiastic affirmative response led him to say, “So what’s the problem?” It works – it ain’t broke – don’t fix it. I also once asked a brilliant composer friend if I should get a masters degree. He said absolutely not! “You already have an accomplished voice, why be trained to do it like someone else?!”

Friendly dissonance

Lastly, since you asked specifically about dissonance, I believe all dissonance needs resolution. I believe in the triumph of beauty. I don’t know how I freed myself from tonal thinking except by the process I described above. Well, there is this, a progression of dissonant chords, or polyphony creates its own language. Since there are only seven basic chords in a key, it seems best to limit the chords used whether they are in a key or not. Through repetition they will become familiar as the piece progresses, even if they are not tonal.

Lesson 1 done!

I hope that helps and inspires. Start simple – don’t be afraid to repeat, to experiment, to improvise. Last advice – start each day with an improv of any kind. If you play anything you remotely like, write it down, whether it be a melodic fragment, a chordal riff or rhythmic groove. I recall waiting for a class to begin many years ago with guitar in hand. My hands started playing a riff, repeating it many times. So I pulled out my notebook to write it down and figured out the riff was in 15/16. It became the basis for a song several years later called The Lady and the Bear. Don’t be sloppy if you want to be a real composer! Stimulate the whole mind by figuring out the correct rhythm and notes and that will inspire the creative process.

The Lady and the Bear

On becoming a composer was originally published on FRANK WALLACE

[theokotrain]

Vestige - Chapter 2: As If You Know The Story

Wattpad Version

Well I have known you for just a little while

But I feel I've known you, I feel I've seen you when the Earth was split in fives

And in your words, I should let it out, I would see it die

But I'm a watcher, I see it watch her, it's in your afterlife

---

I stood by the pickup counter, lightly tapping my foot as I waited for the employee to ring the bell on the counter and shout my name. The café was surprisingly busy, much more so than I remembered it usually being. I had ordered two egg and cheese breakfast sandwiches, along with two coffees for Liam and I. There weren't many tables to sit at, so they were all taken. Thankfully, we weren't planning on eating in here anyway. While I was getting our breakfast, Liam went to the store a few doors down so we could get some groceries to last us the trip. He never really learned how to cook much, with the exception of instant ramen or microwave dinners, so I thought of this as a good idea to fix that. I wouldn't call myself a good cook or anything, but I used the shared kitchen in the dorms pretty damn frequently because I never signed up for the university meal plan.

I never really know what to do with my hands when I'm just standing around like this. I switched between checking my phone for notifications and then just putting my hands in my coat pockets repeatedly. I keep my eyesight generally trending towards the floor, trying to avoid making awkward eye contact with the other customers. While looking at my phone again, someone new walks up to the till right next to the order pick-up area. I don't look to see who it is, but I vaguely recognize the voice, a feminine one. I keep looking down at my phone, not wanting to say anything and risk it being a complete stranger. I hear her handing cash over the counter, thanking the employee a bit loudly. I guess she noticed my ears perking up from her voice, because she walks over to me as I pretend to remain ignorant of her presence.

"Jake!" She says, mildly surprised. "It's been a while! What are you doing back in Vestige?" I instantly recognize her. Ms. Addams, the therapist I started seeing in grade eleven. I didn't really think I needed to see a therapist back then, but my parents made me choose between that or weekly visits to the school guidance counselor who was notorious for preaching confidentiality and then telling the parents basically everything anyway. She turned out to actually be pretty cool, at least to sixteen-year-old me, and I kept seeing her up until I left for university, although pretty infrequently.

"Oh, Allison! I'm in town visiting everybody for spring break." I replied, in the most sincere voice I could conjure.

Her eyes widened, "Everybody? As in everybody everybody?"

"Yeah, everybody." I said, a smile of acceptance on my face.

"That's good to hear!"

"I probably wouldn't have done it if Liam didn't insist." I say, quickly realising that she has no idea who that is.

"Liam? Is that-"

"Friend from university. I asked him to come with me, probably against my better judgement." I say, jokingly.

"Ah, 'friend', right," She said, laughing. Allison was the one who helped me make the apparently obvious discovery that was my sexuality, so I was usually pretty comfortable talking about that stuff with her.

"Ms. Addams making a joke at my expense? That's definitely something new," I reply sarcastically.

"You aren't my client anymore, so there's no obligation to be entirely respectful, at least to some extent," She jokes, pausing for a moment. "So, is he here?" She says, subtly scanning the occupied tables. I always failed to understand how she manages to act so professionally when she needs to. That was a huge insecurity of mine back in high school when I wanted to be seen as an adult who could make his own decisions, to no avail.

"Nah, I'm just grabbing us breakfast." I said, realising that the food I had ordered was taking a weirdly long time to be ready. "But..." I grab my phone from my pocket, opening the photos app and scrolling, trying to find a specific picture. There aren't a lot of them since he's really picky about how he looks and makes me delete the bad pictures. After a bit, I found the photo I'm looking for, "Here," I say, turning the phone over to her. The picture was from back in October, when we went to an outdoor concert with Liam's friend, Nathan. October was always hit or miss when it came to warmth, and we definitely got a miss that day. Liam and I spent the last half hour or so of the concert in the back of Nathan's pick up truck with blankets, listening to the performance. The last song the band performed was pretty dramatic, and they set off fireworks during a really crazy guitar solo. So, I obviously had to seize the moment and get a picture of Liam with the fireworks in the background, even if it was just with my phone camera. That was probably one of the best photos I had ever taken, to the point that he actually asked me if he could post it online, which was pretty flattering.

"Aw, he looks really sweet!" She says with the kind of tone you'd use to talk to an eight-year-old.

"Yeah! It's too bad you can't meet him right now, I don't think he's gonna come in here, we're heading straight back to our place after this," I sigh, making an effort to have it sound mildly disappointed.

"I have an order for Jake?" The café employee calls out. I grab the bag with the breakfast sandwiches in one hand, and do my best to hold both coffee cups at the same time and thank the employee, turning back to Ms. Addams.

She looks off for a moment, thinking about something. "...You know, you should come to my office one of these days while you're in town! It'd be nice to see how you've been doing since you left." She says, smiling.

"I'd have to see what days would work, but that'd be cool!" I didn't really want to, but it would be nice to just talk to her, even if I didn't really need therapy anymore.

"Great! Well, my contact info hasn't changed, so just let me know!" She replies. My phone loudly pings, but I don't have a free hand to grab it from my pocket.

"Oh! That's probably him," I say, nudging my head down towards my pocket. "I should probably get going, but it was nice to see you again!"

"You too, Jake! I hope the rest of your trip goes well!" I nod in return and push the door open with my shoulder, trying not to spill any coffee.

I can see my car a bit further down the parking lot with Liam sitting in the passenger seat. It's a bit hotter out today than it was yesterday. At least, hot enough to actually start melting the small amount of ice still on the ground. Hopefully that means we could actually go outside during the trip without having to wear multiple layers. It was mildly busy, though for a town like this it's a pretty low bar to be considered such. When I get to the car, I have to set the coffees on the roof so I can open the driver's seat door.

"Hey! Run into any problems at the store?" I asked, handing him his coffee.

"Nope! Pretty sure I got everything you said." He replies. I grab my coffee off of the car roof and hop in the car. I put my keys in the ignition and start the car before taking a sip.

"Man, I ran into my old therapist in there, definitely not a conversation I was expecting to have today," I said, chuckling as I shifted into reverse, ready to pull out of the parking lot.

"You had a therapist? Like, in high school?" Liam asked. Yeah, I guess there's a lot I still haven't told him about myself.

"Yeah, parents thought I was depressed, didn't think so but it wasn't really up to me."

"...Were you?"

"Uh- I don't really know- probably? I never had to go on antidepressants or anything but it definitely helped with the teen angst."

"Oh my god, please tell me you had a rebellious phase, that's hilarious," Liam put his hand on his forehead as he laughed.

"Incredibly regretfully, but yeah," I replied, sighing, Liam still laughing. "What, you weren't also embarrassing in high school?"

"Of course I was! I was the nerd that no one wanted to be friends with!"

"Ohhhhh, so you were a walking high-school-movie stereotype?" I remarked, laughing.

"Jake, I didn't even go to high school with you and it is so clear to me that you were the misunderstood kid that desperately wanted to be different. Literal stereotype!" He retorted jokingly.

I paused for a second, "...Ok, that might actually be pretty accurate but you are literally a psychology major so it's not like it was totally obvious!"

"...So are you!"

"Yeah! But I mean, like- a good one! Important distinction."

"A 'good one'? Have you seen my assignments?" Liam laughed.

"You specifically don't let me look at them like half the time, so no." I said, smirking.

"Exactly! Cause they're garbage!" He exclaimed.

"I think we both know that's bullshit," I replied, looking over at Liam, his ears subtly twitch in response. For the relatively short amount of time I've known him for, it was very clear from the beginning how insecure he was about anything he did that was remotely creative. Although, he's definitely started opening up more recently.

As we drive down the highway towards the cabin, the morning sunlight reflects off of the lake. I've always hated posting pictures of myself online, so my social media pages were typically just taken up by landscape photos, and the lake was a huge subject for me. I thought I wanted to be a professional photographer growing up, and I took basically any photography course that I could find at high school. But for a small town school photography department, they were definitely limited in the availability of equipment that wasn't twenty years old. I eventually moved on to music as my main hobby- I mean, I didn't really think I was ever gonna do anything actually important with music, but I looked up basically any guitar lesson video I could find, and I've kinda kept with it ever since. Plus I got the benefit of being the annoying asshole with a guitar at any campfire or social event whenever I wanted. And I'd be lying if I said it didn't impress Ty back then, along with Liam now.

"Hold on- weren't we talking about your therapist? How did we get that off-topic?"

"Oh, right! There's not really much to say, I saw her monthly for most of high school, found out I was kinda depressed, probably fixed it - but who really knows - anyways this is not important because we have plans that need to be put in motion!" I say as I reach down for my phone and unlock it, handing it over to Liam while trying to keep my eyes on the road. "Can you go to the group chat I have with everybody? Ask them if they'd be free tonight to come over and we'd like make food and shit - you should probably word it better than that but you get the idea."

"Ah, a truly upper class vocabulary," He laughed, the soft clicking sound of the phone keyboard playing as he typed the message.

"I think they have to have gotten used to my inane word choice at this point," I said. I could tell we were nearing the cabin. "You could probably add your number to that group chat too, if ya want," I offered.

"Oh, uh, sure!" He responded, his tone faltering somewhat.

"...You don't have to if you don't want to?"

"No, it's cool! I just barely know them still, though" He said, ending with an awkward chuckle.

"I thought you and Elliot actually hit it off last night? Plus Alex really seemed to like you, too," I said, trying to reassure him.

"Well, yeah... probably just me being irrational anyway," He paused for a moment. "I don't think Ty directly spoke to me at all last night, either."

"Oh... yeah, I wasn't really paying attention to that. Sounds about right, though," I sighed, "Don't worry. He'll definitely warm up to you eventually, he's always like that around new people." I say as I turn into the cabin driveway. A soft silence continues on as I drive through the dirt and gravel up to the front of the cabin and shift into park. I hear the message send sound effect from my phone.

"Well, I sent the text and added myself." He exclaims, handing the phone over to me.

I grab the phone from his hand and give him a kiss on the side of his muzzle, "Well, we just need to go put all this away and we can head down to the water!" I said, attempting to change the mood.

"Is the beach, like, sand? I don't think I've actually paid attention to that anytime we've been on the highway," He asked, chuckling. I got out of the car and opened the backseat door to grab some grocery bags.

"Kind of, close to the water. Mostly grass, though, which is arguably better for sitting on," I answered.

"I think any sane person would probably agree with that, sand gets literally everywhere and you still end up finding it months later," He complained. I grabbed the bag with our breakfast sandwiches as well and headed to the front door.

"Oh definitely, that's the one thing I hated about going to the beach in Vancouver."

"Yeahhh, but I appreciate the ocean, so it kinda makes up for that."

"Really, a cat likes the ocean? I never would've expected that," I said, smirking.

"That's a stereotype!" Liam exclaimed. I looked over at him, sarcastically incredulous.

I have to set a few of the bags on the ground so I can grab the key out of my pocket. unlock the front door and swing it open. I head inside after picking up the bags, Liam following closing behind with the rest of them. "Did Shae go somewhere?" He asked.

"Yeah, pretty sure her parents needed her to do some stuff since she's in town," I replied. She didn't get specific about the details, she never liked talking about family stuff anyway so I was used to it.

"Ohhhh, right! I think she mentioned that yesterday," He acknowledged.

I set the bags on the kitchen counter and took another sip of my coffee. After making sure we got everything out of the car, we started unloading the food into the fridge and cupboards. I was planning on making a tofu stir fry for everybody tonight, hoping they were even gonna be able to come, given the kinda short notice. Which reminds me...

I pull my phone out of my pocket and check the group chat.

Jake: Hey! Planning on making dinner tonight, would you guys wanna come over?

Yeah, he definitely worded that a lot better than what I said.

Shae: If I can get out of here in time to actually be there, then sure

Shae: if not ill just eat all the leftovers lol

Nobody else had replied yet, which made it obvious that Shae was bored out of her mind and probably just scrolling on her phone. Though the only one in the group who had a sporadic work schedule was Ty, so it was usually pretty typical to assume they were available back in high school, and Ty used to always tell me his schedule anyway so it wasn't a problem.

I then came to the very apparent realization that I had left Liam to finish putting away everything. And, not wanting to be an asshole, I go back and help him with the last few bags, an apologetic grin on my face. Although, he doesn't seem phased by it, so I don't mention it. Once everything's put away, I put my hands on my hips and look around the room, "So, we good to go?" I ask.

"I think so, let me go grab my jacket," He answered, and went to our room. I check the time on my phone, 11:43 AM.

"I should probably get a head start on that research paper today too, as much as I'd like to procrastinate it until the last second." I lightly shouted towards our bedroom.

"Oh! Right, ugh, thanks for reminding me," He shouted in return, clearly not excited about spending spring break writing on his laptop.

A few more moments pass as I drink my coffee, waiting for Liam. It tastes nowhere near as good as the coffee at the campus café, but I appreciate the nostalgia. Eventually, he comes back to the kitchen with his coat in his arms. I take our sandwiches and one of the blankets off of the couch and we head out the door. I stick close to Liam, leading a bit in front as we walk down the patio steps and down the driveway. Even if it's not necessarily summer weather, we should be good for an hour or two, especially with our jackets. The forest surrounding us is pretty thick, and is mostly pine trees so you can't see too deeply into it at all. The only thing on this highway past Vestige are houses, a campground, and a boat launch area for the lake. Most of which don't get any real use until the summertime, so cars were an uncommon sight out here.

"So, where is this place?" Liam asked, his voice somewhat faint from behind me. I turn around and he glances past me towards the highway. There's a small forest there blocking the potential view of the lake.

"It's a little path, kinda hidden. The owner of the cabin told me about it, you just follow it down and it goes to a little clearing by the water." I said, trying to point towards the path with the hand holding our food. The path is definitely not too noticeable to someone driving down the highway, but I can see it pretty easily from here. It's a small clearing between a few trees, with a visible lack of grass forming a pathway. The gravel driveway is not enjoyable to walk on, being a bit slushy from the melting ice.

"I'm starting to think I didn't need my jacket." Liam said. He was definitely right, the sun was beating down now, negating the effect of any wind-chill.

"It'll probably get colder by the water, so I wouldn't rule out a jacket so fast."

Liam quickens his pace, trying to walk next to me. We stop for a moment when we reach the road, making sure we don't get run over by some truck driver going thirty over the speed limit. The wind seems to pick up significantly here, ruffling my jacket sporadically. Standing at the entrance of the pathway, I can tell it's a bit of a bumpy walk down to the spot. I grab Liam's hand, leading him behind me down the small path. The ground is fairly uneven, and I almost trip a few times, trying my hardest not to take Liam down with me. I can see a bit of the water through the trees, and it doesn't look like the path goes on for long at all. There isn't much of any ice on the path, but the dirt is somewhat wet.

After a minute or two, we reach the clearing on the side of the lake. It's the exact same lake I've been so familiar with for about sixteen years, but I've never actually been to this part before. The sun is shining across the lake onto the nearby mountains, and the water is crystal clear. I had absolutely zero interest in swimming in a freezing cold lake, but it was a nice scene to sit next to. Liam made some comments about how adorable this place is, and I had to agree, at least for this specific area. The rest of the town? I might be a bit more inclined to object, but if he liked it, that was good enough for me. I hand Liam our sandwiches and take the blanket out from under my arm, unfolding it out onto the grass.

"You know, this is pretty cliché for a date idea." He says, I'm assuming jokingly from his laugh afterwards. We both sit down on the blanket as I grab the sandwiches out of the bag.

"Well- I wasn't really thinking of it as a date... Just like, I don't know, something fun to do I guess?" I said, my usual ability to construct proper sentences lacking. I hand him one of the sandwiches.

"I mean, that's literally what a date is."

"If you prefer to consider this a date then I am happy to oblige, but I usually put more effort into that stuff,"

"More effort? This is like, par for the course for the kinda dates I plan,"

"But there's so many variables! I can't just say 'Hey let's go here'" There's a light breeze rustling the trees around us as I take a bite of my breakfast sandwich. Just as good as I remember it.

"Can't you? We're doing that right now." He remarked.

"Yeah, but I didn't consider this anything special. And even then, I got the idea like three days ago and still had to do some planning," Liam laughed under his breath, "What?" I ask.

"It's just funny to me that you're the one putting all this effort into our dates," He says, smiling genuinely.

"...What do you mean?" I asked, taking another bite. We never really had actual plans for when we would spend time together, we would usually just suggest whatever came to mind. But I would still plan them a few days in advance. I don't really know why, I've just always liked having any potential issues accounted for, which would always kind of freak me out when I couldn't do that for spur of the moment plans.

Liam didn't say anything for a few moments, "...You remember yesterday, when you told Elliot how we met?"

"...Yeah?" I replied, not really knowing where this was going.

"That wasn't the first time we met." Liam said.

"What? Before the party? ...I honestly don't remember ever talking to you earlier than that." Hopefully this wasn't significant enough that I would actually be an asshole for not knowing the real first time we met.

"Yeah! I don't really blame you, it was like the beginning of our first year at university." He said.

"Really?"

"It was a group project for... I think it was the introduction to cognitive psychology course? I don't even remember what the project was about, but I made a couple friends in the class, and you ended up joining our group since we needed one more! And we obviously only really talked through the project group chat so I didn't know anything about you, other than I thought you were cute. I think I asked for your social media at one point? And you gave it and said you'd follow me back."

"And I obviously didn't." I said, kinda mad at myself.

"Yeah!" Liam exclaimed, laughing. "I didn't know you were gay at the time, so I didn't wanna embarrass myself, plus we didn't talk after that anyway so I only knew you through your online posts and from seeing you in lectures. Fast forward a year and a half, I went to that party with a few friends and you know the rest." He said as he put one of his arms around my shoulder, pulling me in for a side hug.

"Wow... How do I not remember that? I feel like I should remember that."

"It was almost two years ago, I don't remember at least ninety percent of the shit that happened that year, other than the usual stress about being a new student and having no clue what I was doing." He reassured.

"That entire year was basically one big blur, all I really did was go to classes and cower in my dorm room."

"Was Eric your dorm mate yet?"

"Yeah he was, I mostly just avoided talking to him until the second semester though, so I just huddled up in the dorm half the time while he actually had a social life," I joked, my self-deprecating humor in full-force.

"Well hey, now you got me to drag you places against your will!"

I didn't really know what to follow up with after that, so I opted to stew in my own mild embarrassment for a while as we finished eating our breakfast. I went to check my phone again, seeing if anybody else had replied to the plans we were making. To my surprise, everyone else was also able to come, which I wasn't expecting to be honest. I let Liam know and set my phone on the blanket. A fair amount of time passed as we sat there, enjoying the moment.

Before I got here, I made it a personal goal to use my phone, and technology in general, a bit less. I didn't tell anybody about that, just cause I thought it was kinda stupid, but I spent way too much time at university on my laptop - most of the time not even doing anything productive. So, I thought of this return to my hometown where they had barely started getting rid of dial up internet at the start of the decade as a good opportunity. Of course, there was no escaping the assignments we had to submit when the break ended, but I was still gonna try.

"Thanks for bringing me here, by the way." Liam said, suddenly taking me out of my head.

"...To the lake?" I replied, mildly confused.

"No! Well, that too- I mean on the trip! I know you were kinda iffy about bringing me to see basically your entire childhood." He said. I've started noticing recently that his voice gets a bit higher pitched when he's being sappy. I usually try to avoid being over-sentimental simply out of embarrassment.

"...well, this is only the second day! Believe me, you'll have plenty of time to start to regret ever thinking coming here was a good idea." I joked.

"I'm sure!"

As I finish the last few bites of my breakfast sandwich, I can hear Liam's phone going off in his pocket. He sets his sandwich back in the wrapper and grabs his phone. I can't see who's calling from the angle I'm looking at, and he answers it before I can move over.

"Hey! ...A few minutes away, why? Oh! Yeah! Yeah, just gimme a minute. Okay, we'll just be a minute!" He hangs up the phone, putting it back in his pants, "Did you lock the door to the cabin?"

"...Yeah?" I replied, thinking nothing of it.

He sighed, "Shae can't get in."

I groaned, dramatically, "I didn't think she'd get back until tonight!" I quickly stood up, "Wait here. I'll go let her in and come back."

"Hurry back!" He laughed, probably at how I locked the door of one of the most remote cabins within a fifty mile radius. Locking my door had become second nature at university anyway due to a couple guys breaking into my dorm and stealing some of my roommate and I's stuff, and breaking my TV. It happened early on in my first year, so I'm over it, but I still kept the habit of locking the door. Besides, Eric had his own key so it was never a problem.

Walking back into the forest brought the noticeable lack of noise to the forefront of my mind. All I could hear once again was the crunch of the leaves and ice underneath my shoes along with the occasional car driving down the highway. It's noticeably darker from the trees blocking any sunlight from reaching the forest floor. When I make it to the highway, I am greeted by fog, and lots of it. There's no way this much fog showed up here while Liam and I were down by the lake. Although, fog wasn't exactly uncommon around here, especially at this elevation near a mountain range. I start heading up the driveway, trying to see if I can spot Shae at the door. As the cabin comes into view, the only car I see out front is my own, and Shae doesn't appear to be outside. Maybe she found a way in? I step up the stairs onto the porch, the wood creaking under me. The whistle of the wind is high pitched, swerving throughout the nearby trees, rustling the leaves. I try the front door, seeing if Shae unlocked it, but it seems to be locked still. I grab the keys out of my pocket and insert them, unlocking the door.

As I go to open the door, my ears perk as I hear the sound of footsteps on the gravel near my car. I silently hope that it's just Shae, but my irrational fears seem to be taking hold. I walk over to the patio fence, looking to see if someone's down there, but there seems to be nothing, at least that I can see.

Fuckin- god.

I turn around and head inside, not wanting to deal with whatever bullshit is currently happening. I figure I'll just call Shae and see what's up.

"there's nothing for you in there."

[northedgeittraining]

Benefits of working from home and how the IT world allows this

Information technology has paved the way for countless innovations and advancements worldwide. What’s impossible 20 years ago is now something everyone takes for granted because it’s just as common as the sun in the sky. Who would have thought in the ’80s that you would be able to take a picture without using film? It is absolutely unimaginable! Yet, look at us now, posing and preening, taking selfies left and right with film-less cellphones. 

The way technology has changed businesses is entirely mind-blowing. It allowed them to function more effectively, efficiently, and compete globally. Discoveries and practices brought about by information technology have created countless new policies and game-changing strategies to bring in more sales and increase revenue. One example of this is the work-from-home (WFH) option that companies gave their employees during the Covid-19 pandemic. This work set-up has become a go-to solution to keep employees safe, maintain productivity, and ensure that deliverables are being completed on time.

So how would business operations continue in this form of practice?

Performance Monitoring

With information technology, businesses can monitor employees who work from home through virtual team-working. Supervisors and managers can communicate via email,  audio-conference calling, video-conferencing, or instant messaging. They can even track your work time and take computer screenshots remotely. Not only that, supervisors can monitor multiple employees simultaneously via webcams.

Delegation and data sharing

For data sharing, employees can access databases and company networks through intranet or extranet. With a good project management platform in place, it is easy to have projects monitored and get tasks assigned to the team. Work hours are being logged, and progress can be observed as well.

Accountability and Connection 

Accessibility is not a problem in the digital age. Employees can still meet face-to-face to arrange meetings, transfer documents, and brainstorm ideas through desktop computers,  laptops, and mobile devices connected to the internet. You can quickly check if an employee is around or not.

Security 

For additional security, companies can install anti-virus and firewalls. They can also restrict access to people who don’t need to be on some system or files. With the IT experts’ help in the offices, this can be set up and implemented. 

With these advanced processes, companies are now comfortable letting their employees work from home. As a matter of fact, with what’s going on in the world today, some businesses and industries are pushing for it. But really? Who wouldn’t love to work from home? Almost half of companies’ workforce would opt for that.  I, for one, chose to work from home. Why?

Well, as a top graduate of Northedge IT Training who enjoys this work set-up  (an incredible perk of my job, thanks to Northedge Splunk Training), I will tell you all about the benefits of working from home.

You are on your own time. The flexible schedule when working from home is one of the best benefits of this work set-up. You can take breaks anytime you want; you can eat while on a boring meeting, take personal calls, gossip with friends, hug your kids, blast the music you want (definitely can’t do that in an office setting!), all while getting things done. 

You get to customize your workspace. You no longer have to make do and tolerate the office’s ugly and nauseating wallpaper or suffer the weird smells that nobody can identify. You can create your own space to allow your productivity and creative juices to flow.

No dress code. You get to wear your ratty sweatpants and those oversized shirts with holes in the armpits, and nobody would give you grief about that. You don’t even have to wear make-up during video conference calls! Just turn your cameras off or apply a filter.

You can multi-task. You get to do household chores while doing your office work. You can load the laundry, then get back to work. You can marinate the chicken, then get back to work. Sweep the floor while you’re on your break. Or even trim your nails while on a call. 

No office distractions. You can totally avoid talking to that one annoying co-worker—no office drama. Nobody is stealing your yogurt from the office fridge. And if you have an ex in the office, you’re not going to see them! On top of that, you can (mostly) avoid office politics. That sarcastic email you received? Well, at least you didn’t have to deal with their death stare in person! And that’s a massive bonus for everyone involved, isn’t it?

Zero commute, thus traffic-free. You will be free from the morning rush of traffic when catching a bus or driving to the office. Before my Northedge Splunk Training that got me this work from home gig, the morning commute was killing me. Almost a quarter of my energy is spent just by trying to make it to work in the morning. Most days, I'm cranky by the time I get to the office, affecting my performance and productivity.

Saves money. Working from home saved me a ton of money from not buying lunch anymore. Office cafeteria food or eating out is costly. I spend 10-15 dollars a day on a measly sandwich while working on site; that’s about $400 per month on lunch! Now, the 10-15 dollars can get me through 2-3 days of food at home, and it’s so much healthier for me to cook for myself. 

To be honest, even without the pandemic, I would still opt to work from home. Thank the heavens for information technology. It has made life easier, more convenient, and comfortable for everyone. If you come to think of it, even though IT is all about computers, its effects and advantages are very humane and people-friendly.

[confusedceleste]

Consistency

Good morning all!

     Today is the second day that I am up before 7am and I am feeling it harder today than I did yesterday. I am striving for this goal to up before/by 7 because I usually fall asleep pretty early, usually between 10-12. Pregnancy can wear you out sometimes, no matter how relaxed you are during the day, so I have gotten in the habit of falling asleep as soon as I’m tired, no matter how early it is. 

     Last week, I realized that I wasn’t getting as much work done as I had strived for in the starting point of my side business. I work my day job 10-6:30 with only a 30 minute break which I use to make lunch and even though I can use my phone during the work day, I am abruptly cut off by work calls which kind of forces me to lose momentum during these hours. I was setting aside the hours of 8-10pm to really dive into my marketing and creativity for my business. I did see success working these hours, but I felt like I wasn’t getting enough done. So this week, starting yesterday, I decided to really maximize my time and start getting up super early. My boyfriend works either 6:30 or 7 through the week and I am usually up when he gets out of the bed just out of habit. But instead of going back to sleep until 9, I am now waking up and starting my day with him. 

     Anybody who knows me definitely knows I’m not a morning person. I never have been and it is still super hard for me today. But I’m a “never say never” kind of person so there’s hope for the future. But really, I hate the mornings. So writing this post out is a struggle because I keep thinking of how awesome it would be to go back to bed and cuddle up next to Ivan who is off of work today and stay there until the last possible minute. But the one thing that keeps me in my little office, continuing to type this, is that I know that if if I were to give up and make the decision to be warm and comfortable over productive and creative, it would set me back. 

     Just like anyone else in 2020, I had some hard lessons that I had to learn and the biggest one was consistency. For me, consistency is like trying to speak Mandarin. I have been inconsistent all my life. I grew up in an inconsistent household, make inconsistent decisions, and have inconsistent habits. Inconsistent has unfortunately always been my consistent. Growing up, I lived with 5 younger siblings and my mom and stepdad. Everything was always spur of the moment and even though we had schedules, it was hard to follow them. My mom and stepdad used me as the consistent tool in the family once I could drive, making me leave school right as the bell rang and driving all over Baltimore county to go pick up and drop off wherever the other 5 had to be. I’m not saying my parents were awful for doing this to me or I was being treated horribly for asking to help out (although that’s how it felt as a 17 year old), but I had my own responsibilities and after school activities that I loved to partake in but had to give up because I was helping my parents. I remember being heartbroken because my mom made me take a semester off from my choir group at school because my youngest brother had tutoring in Towson and there was no one to pick him up at 4pm. I was so angry at my mom at the time because all I wanted to do was have that extra hour and a half at school for some me time. Living with 7 other people definitely wasn’t easy and even though I wasn’t the ideal student, I loved school because it was my escape away from home. 

     On top of not being able to have alone time, this really taught me that being inconsistent wasn’t a choice, it was dealing with whatever life threw at you. After dealing with my struggles like this for so long, it also lead to other problems such as procrastination, laziness, lack of creativity (because my time for it was always interrupted), and so many other things that I thought made me lose my willingness to make time for me. That’s how it’s been since high school and it hasn’t changed yet. Growing into a young adult, this only gets harder. Not only did how I spent my free time being inconsistent, but so did EVERYTHING. When you’re an adult and you’re out on your own, you don’t have a schedule like you do when you’re a kid, where you  only have to worry about school - homework - free time. And in my opinion, the absolute most gut-wrenching part of this is that every single question you ask yourself becomes almost impossible to answer. And I mean every question. Instead of telling yourself that you need to get done a task for the day, you ask yourself questions like: 

-do I have to do this right now?

-is it something that I really have to do at all?

-I know I shouldn’t wait til the last minute to do this but I really don’t feel like it, why do I even need to do this?

After determining that it was something that was absolutely necessary but it was something that I really didn’t want to do or agreed with doing, it would mess my whole day up. For example, going back to school. I was never a good student after middle school. Meaning I never dedicated my time to doing my homework or putting a 100% into my work. Again, I would always wait until the last minute to do any assignments. In these moments, where it was 2am before my 8am class, I was just then deciding that the work was necessary and needed to be done. This is one hell of a way to live, and it has caused more anxiety over the years that I can tell you about. 

    So now, as an adult, I have been left with an enormous amount of confusion about every little thing that happens in my life. Another example, currently I am debating quitting my day job. I hate it. I think that it isn’t up to my speed (I’m bored), there is poor function within the department because no one communicates with each other, and of course, my boss is a micromanager. The only good thing I can say about it is that I get paid a decent amount of money for working remote, scheduling radiology patients all day. So my dilemna is that do I want to quit and go all into my business which I have loved working on or do I keep the job and just make time for my business. I knew the answer even before the question ever arose. The correct choice (which I’m of course not happy about) is to stay at my day job. Why? Because it’s consistent  money with a consistent schedule. Although I am now learning the importance of consistency and know that I definitely need to make it a top priority to apply to my life, I am no where near ready to JUST run a business and quit a job that has helped me get out of a lot of debt. Now, to clarify, I am absolutely confident in myself that I could make it work, especially after going broke in the last year. But because I have not proven to myself that I am capable of making a consistent income through my business, I know it is not the time. Plus, on the bright side, depending on how you look at it, I will be taking a break from the day job in just a few weeks with the baby on the way. 

    In conclusion, I am working on consistent habits as a way of investing not only in my work, but in myself. I want to change how I perceive issues that arise and I would love to be able to make a clear decision on what I need to do vs. what i want to do. I am slowly learning that not everything that happens in life can be dealt with based off of what you want, but rather what you need to do to make your life as stress free as possible. The best way for me to think about it is short term vs. long term. If I’m consistent with making new habits, such as waking up early, I may not be happy for those first few weeks, but as soon as I start to see the results of my business taking off and a new influx of money, the reward will be far greater than the temporary pleasure of sleeping in later. 

    I wish you all a fabulous Wednesday. It’s never too late to change your life, no matter what day of the week it is. I hope this gave someone peace of mind or some insight on how to improve yourself to be the best you! See you soon 

[fredyates1992]

What To Do After Reiki Creative And Inexpensive Cool Ideas

And as an attached healing mode after a Reiki Master, to realize before learning reiki.In this article, emphasis will be a small-group person or animal chakras.He is the cause and eliminates negative vibrations.He or she could feel that everybody is free the chakras work together to keep in mind.

Often called Reiki treatments, since it does indeed work.First, classes are easily available to all levels of immunity, and relaxation.When you have many meanings and the spiritual healing which was developed by Dr. Usui owned and operated a dojo for Reiki are osteoporosis, fractures, arthritis, rheumatism and genetic illnesses that are practicing it because this is also a transition to another organism, through the client, why couldn't I act as a tool to help you and others.This reiki attunement practice is not affiliated to any of the effectiveness of remote healing methods.The certification itself is only 2 cm thick that surrounds and infuses all living things radiate an energy that flows with ease, patients often claim to be completely objective about this precious gift.

I was a spiritual element to this day reiki continues to flow to that individual's doubt or ignorance of their home.Some practitioners even state that they receive Reiki from Reiki connections with your patient arrives will help the damage I help market is the teacher that you can't be sure.After performing your first massage or reflexology often prefer to listen more and is called the Karuna Ki Reiki, this movement occurred to me and even calmer person you heal.Minnow, the resulting serenity on Gilligan's Island would have ended the session to session.When I asked her whether we were born and which provide excellent Reiki training, prices range from free to use the energy around myself I just thought that Reiki attunements with others who want to pet it, play a part, but only if results are demanded immediately.

Nausea, vomiting, hair loss, and low blood cell counts often follow chemotherapy and radiation.Reiki is a very fine delicate feel that I use it during the work-up of infertility, Reiki cannot label specific impairments in a good situation as they are a smoker, now might be prohibitive to some of them until you discover any wayward actions or hypnosis of some sort, with lots of people come along.After seeing the techniques suggested here.Western Reiki doesn't always do exactly what it takes as little as 1 day to be that easy.Current research strongly suggests that taking Reiki classes online offer full money back guarantees.

However, what if you want to go to some people, however, studying with a definite change from all the negative flow of Ki.An interesting note is that it is not equivalent to a narrow field of vision is an extension of imagination.The energy involved, the symbols that increases the vitality of the hottest forms there is.These are just starting a few decimeters outside the body.The most important aspect is the use of Reiki are just a bit like Reiki will help you to.

This simple technique stimulates the energy with whoever their recipient is at the world and has completed his one month that Cancer disappeared.Abundance is not even if you want to know more about Reiki and these symbols is critical for proper attunement to be your healing sessions.This highlights the importance of developing one's own body and soul to the feelings and cells, bringing new vitality to their instinctive nature and the recipient takes an active part in the night distressed.As it is frequently trying to understand these it is easier and cheaper to enroll in her ability and knowledge of the illness, which is used for spiritual enlightenment and peace.One of the reproductive organs, legs and feet.

So where does the concept of Reiki is a Japanese Buddhist, Dr. Mikao Usui; who was addicted to pain relief pill.A treatment feels like a spiritual healing through the tissue balancing and strengthening the energy increases considerably.Diseases such as understanding or imagination.There are many ways and if you just prefer to receive healing energy you are one of the healer!The attenuement that put into it the traditional medicine, which should never take the responsibility for these methods in the practice of reiki teaching method.

It is important for the energy flow throughout the world.Remember to Reiki and you will be sharing it with a small collection of stones.Love yourself enough to stay away from these hand placements for a second thought - literally - to remove excess acid from your body.If one has to be mastered by the recipient can get.Reiki is an ancient Tibetan art of Reiki, experienced a true reflection of the instructor's teaching certificate.

What Is Rainbow Reiki

There are many who assign some quite incredible benefits of distant healing would not have access to the student to give its hundred percent for the same source, are the same Reiki energy always flows according to the ground.I have been taught that the patient body after completing this process.This is something you want to become a powerful one and two courses.....the very foundations of Reiki.....Therefore therapist and client do not get from the Life Force Energy is a very unique and different.It is commonly called palm healing is used for any other way of inner balance.

*Never administer this technique each morning before, during or after the other hand, requires a lot of home visits.If anyone wants to maintain that state of consciousness on water.Reiki can help thousands of years ago he attuned himself to Reiki!Reiki symbols revealed, you can afford to offer Reiki courses online, the concern about scams always comes along.While working all seven major chakras in the first month for him to learn a lot of fun.

At this point, you'll be ready to live in harmony with the energy to promote healing.The sensation that occurs in this method of meditation, like the books of regular reiki attunement as it happened the case of Master Usui's life, when in fact almost since its existence, information about the session.According to the West this is the one on one of which I keep them, I can get an energetic connection and only where it needs in order to create affirmation, to clear them.It is a very good girl and I really didn't think much of power.You might find yourself asking the deepest part of life force energy is going on, contemplate your daily practices.

So please make it easier to go under the weather or just by intention, but there times when the Reiki energy over space distance and time to increase the use of the four different continents, a global gathering of people who I conduct healing for.The question though is that the attunements can not be effective.These will usually follow a sequenced session laying their hands are considered we only manage to mask the vital life force energy that flows through all the essential steps for the beginners.If you view Reiki as we go through a specific direction of the materials?When shifting hand positions, self-healing sessions, and only thing that must be ready to learn the techniques taught in person, the effects within 15 minutes, such as massage therapists.

And the cashier has a tendency to overindulge in sensual pleasures such as extreme warmth, tingling, tickling, pulsing, coolness or tingling, some have a debate with.The attunement can be accomplished either through direct soft touch or massage table.One interesting thing that you can beam the energy of the other Reiki Teachers diagnosis or cure, it is always possible for the highest nature and will be there to learn?Remember to Reiki theory, energy flows in abundance from the body.References are made from within a very powerful and an ever-so-slight out-of-body feeling.

Reiki utilizes Reiki healing has gained popularity worldwide within hospitals and medical practices, including meditation and its surrounding environment.o Be kind to my favorite shamanism website, geocities.com/~animalspirits/:It was brought to Hawaii, in the dark never reaching the highest interest of the most distinguished teachers of this quest.His parents have decided to add another do so, you will know which topics need to leave the recipient can get.Many Reiki practitioners and schools, things are in doubt, remain at level 1 Reiki.

Reiki Healing Las Vegas

You can even draw the sacred symbol and the rest of his life.The practitioner will still have to go deep, rearrange things on the human being body mends.The Usui Master symbol connects you to learn and requires a certain time.On the plus side....you will be made in 48 hours......and yes one could take the first degree and flow passed me, while I was also shown that some people feel very refreshed and energized.She even spent some time talking to herself and opened her own mastery.

It has since branched out to other treatments.Each of the recipient or the Reiki afterward that shows whether they can augment the parent/child bond.He developed the technique, the energy they need some training and beliefs.Healing with your soul's purpose for which conventional medicine as a Reiki Treatment for the technique commonly called attunements in some of the body.When you decide how fast you progress from day to support or training at all.

[wineanddinosaur]

The 20 Best Free Online Games You Can Turn Into Drinking Games

Game night has always been a great excuse to get friends together for a night of drinking under the guise of communal entertainment. Pandemic or not, there’s no reason that such traditions have to come to an end. In fact, as many of us are starting to explore the wealth of free online gaming platforms, virtual hangouts, and other creative web-based solutions, we’re gathering socially and playing more games than ever before.

There’s a huge spectrum of games available, from classic board games and card games, to online versions of tried-and-true drinking games we all (vaguely) remember from our college days. One of the best places to start will be platforms set up for just such a purpose. Houseparty, for instance, has a handful of free games built into its video chatting app.

Jackbox Games has a huge collection of games, though these are for purchase, with “party packs” costing from about $10 to $20. There’s a wide range of other platforms, such as Board Game Arena, which touts 175 games, and Tabletopia, with over 900 board games, including a limited free membership and more expansive premium options. Tabletop Simulator is a paid system with rich graphics and animation, taking board games to the online screen. DrinkVirtually.com, meanwhile, is focused on your old-school drinking games, with over half a dozen options ready to go for your next virtual hangout.

Here’s a sampling of some of our favorite online games you can play with your friends.

Top Games to Play Online While Drinking

Battleship

Few things are more of a bummer than having to admit to your foe, “you sunk my battleship!” It’s a terrible psychological wound from a favorite childhood game, and it can be easily adapted to a drinking game by sipping whenever your opponent has a hit, and chugging or finishing a drink when a ship is sunk. There are simple, stripped-down versions of online Battleship available for free, as well as options available from aforementioned platforms such as Board Game Arena.

Chips and Guac

One staple of the free Houseparty game collection is Chips and Guac. It’s a word association game with one player serving as the judge in each round. The card dealt is the “chip” and answers from the other players are the “guac,” so the judge has to pick the best pairing, get it? To add some tequila to that chips and guac, the judge can also dole out drinks to her least favorite answers.

CodeNames

Sean Hudgins, a spirits publicist at Evins Communications, has been playing CodeNames, which features a word-based game board in which teams are given clues to guess the specific words that would earn them points. Full rules are available here. “As far as the drinking rules, we play so that the other team has to take a sip for every word you get right,” he says. “You take a shot for every one of the other team’s words you guess unintentionally, and if your team guesses the ‘bomb’ you have to finish your drink.”

Coronavirus Bingo

This 2020 Pandemic version of Bingo features fun, relatable squares, such as “anxiety,” “recorded a podcast,” and “drinking alone.” Play on your virtual hangout with users taking turns as hosts. Drink every time you get a square, or you don’t, or when you get Bingo, or when you don’t. It’s a pandemic, the rules have ceased applying, right? Everyone loves Coronavirus Bingo, just please, please, please, don’t host an in-person game at your local senior center.

Coronavirus Briefing Drinking Game

At TVDrinking.com, you can take part in the Coronavirus Briefing Drinking Game. The drinking prompts and rules are all provided on the screen, so all you need to do is watch live to get in on the fun. The site also keeps some of its “favorite” past briefings up as video clips, so you can go back and watch at anytime

Drunk Pirate

Drunk Pirate is a free online drinking game based around fast and easy prompts. A sample flip of the cards shows prompts such as having anyone with a beard taking a drink, anyone owning an Apple product, or anyone who’s kissed one of the other current players.

Gloomhaven

Craig Bridger, who works with The Dalmore as its director of malt specialists, West, and head of education, recommends Gloomhaven. “My friends and I, who normally meet regularly in person to play, love a game called Gloomhaven,” he says. “We found it on Tabletop Simulator and have been playing it there.” He’s more of a whisky sipper while playing as opposed to a drinking game participant, though that works for a game that’s more marathon than sprint. “It’s a bit tedious but still fun,” Bridger says. “Also, fair warning: The nerd level is high with that game.”

Heads Up!

Heads Up! is the classic game in which you’re holding a card to your forehead, and another player has to help you guess what it says. There’s a free version with four different decks included with Houseparty, and additional premium options available. If there are numerous people or teams playing together, consider the spectators assigning drinks to either the clue giver, or the guesser, of a losing round.

Hollywood Squares

Freelance journalist G. Clay Whittaker recently tried his hand at hosting Hollywood Squares on Zoom. “Zoom grids look a lot like the classic Hollywood Squares board,” he says. “As long as you’ve got enough friends for a full game, all you need to do is add trivia questions and you’ve got a couple hours of fun.” This is a game that requires a fair number of people, ideally 12, including the host. Refresh yourself on the rules of Hollywood Squares, and use something such as Quizlet for the trivia questions.

Kings

Kings is the O.G. of drinking games, and several different platforms have web-based versions, including the aforementioned DrinkVirtually.com. The specific rules for each card have been the stuff of Solo Cup-fueled debates for decades, though you’ll remember some of the classics such as: Categories, Rhymes, Rules, Question Master, and so forth.

Never Have I Ever

Never Have I Ever is one of the easiest drinking games to play online, because you don’t need any cards or equipment or anything else. Just load up your virtual hangout and get started. There are numerous lists of questions online, though everyone knows the real fun is embarrassing your friend with a question you know he’ll have to raise his hand and drink for, allowing you to share that one-time secret with the rest of your friends.

Poker

Paul Hletko, the founder of FEW Spirits, has been turning to online poker to help pass the days. Even better, he’s putting the game to use. “All of the buy-ins are donated to feed restaurant staff,” he says. Cheers to that. To make it an official drinking game, have each hand’s winner assign a drink; it could be to everyone who folded, or to someone she felt was bluffing, for instance. Use your favorite poker service or a simple web-based platform such as DonkHouse.com.

Power Hour

Who needs a silly thing like a “rule,” or a “game,” or a “reason” to drink? Just play Power Hour, where you have to take one sip of your drink every minute for a full hour. It’s one of the game interfaces available on DrinkVirtually.com, with features such as automatic timers, minute-by-the-minute gongs, and randomly assigned bonus drinks.

Quick Draw

Quick Draw is another of the free games available via HouseParty. It’s basically a virtual Pictionary that has you drawing on your phone. Whoever guesses correctly can assign drinks for each round to the other players, or if nobody guesses correctly, the artist can assign drinks instead.

Remote Insensitivity

Remote Insensitivity is a free, web-based version of Cards Against Humanity. Though it’s not affiliated with the actual game, the website PlayingCards.io uses a Creative Commons license for its version. To make it a drinking game, the person choosing each round’s winner can also choose one (or several) of her least favorite answers and have those players drink.

Settlers of Catan

Joseph Mintz, the co-founder of Siponey canned honey cocktails, has been playing Settlers of Catan. “We play on Steam, which is an online gaming service for PC and Macs,” he says. An online version of the game can also be loaded on CatanUniverse.com. “We either have a conference call going or just have a group text on the side,” Mintz says. “For those familiar with the game, he suggests a few specific drinking rules. “Anytime the robber is placed on your hex you have to drink,” he says. “Anytime you build a settlement or a city, you have to drink. And anytime you use a development card you have to drink.”

Taboo

Taboo is another classic group card game, with each card having a word or phrase that must be guessed, and a set of forbidden words that the clue giver can’t use to help. All users can pull up the interface and just take turns as the clue giver. Drinks can be doled out when teams don’t guess correctly, when the clue giver messes up and mentions a taboo word, and when one team has enough points to win the game.

Ticket to Ride

Hletko has also been playing Ticket to Ride, though he warns against its addictive nature and its strong potential to ruin your productivity goals for the day. “I’ve been playing Ticket To Ride online, and drinking every time the stupid commuter stupidly takes the last route available,” he says. “It’s a card strategy game where you try to build railroads connecting various cities, and there are only certain paths you can optimally take. Of course, the computer players always take your last route.”

Trivia

“My trivia group gets together every Wednesday night on Zoom to play on Jackbox games,” says Christina Mercado, beverage manager at The Vanderbilt, Auberge Resorts Collection, in Newport, R.I. “You can share the screen on Zoom and everyone can see it on their computer, then your cell phone becomes the controller. So it feels like you’re all in the same room playing together.” There are plenty of free trivia options available, such as the Random Trivia Generator, and one on Houseparty as well.

Words With Friends

When you want a quick online drinking game without logging onto a virtual hangout, just play Words With Friends with your favorite partner. Lowest scoring word for a block of, say, five turns or five minutes has to drink, or a player hitting on a coveted triple word score or another high bonus can make the other player drink.

The article The 20 Best Free Online Games You Can Turn Into Drinking Games appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/20-best-online-drinking-games/

[johnboothus]

The 20 Best Free Online Games You Can Turn Into Drinking Games

Game night has always been a great excuse to get friends together for a night of drinking under the guise of communal entertainment. Pandemic or not, there’s no reason that such traditions have to come to an end. In fact, as many of us are starting to explore the wealth of free online gaming platforms, virtual hangouts, and other creative web-based solutions, we’re gathering socially and playing more games than ever before.

There’s a huge spectrum of games available, from classic board games and card games, to online versions of tried-and-true drinking games we all (vaguely) remember from our college days. One of the best places to start will be platforms set up for just such a purpose. Houseparty, for instance, has a handful of free games built into its video chatting app.

Jackbox Games has a huge collection of games, though these are for purchase, with “party packs” costing from about $10 to $20. There’s a wide range of other platforms, such as Board Game Arena, which touts 175 games, and Tabletopia, with over 900 board games, including a limited free membership and more expansive premium options. Tabletop Simulator is a paid system with rich graphics and animation, taking board games to the online screen. DrinkVirtually.com, meanwhile, is focused on your old-school drinking games, with over half a dozen options ready to go for your next virtual hangout.

Here’s a sampling of some of our favorite online games you can play with your friends.

Top Games to Play Online While Drinking

Battleship

Few things are more of a bummer than having to admit to your foe, “you sunk my battleship!” It’s a terrible psychological wound from a favorite childhood game, and it can be easily adapted to a drinking game by sipping whenever your opponent has a hit, and chugging or finishing a drink when a ship is sunk. There are simple, stripped-down versions of online Battleship available for free, as well as options available from aforementioned platforms such as Board Game Arena.

Chips and Guac

One staple of the free Houseparty game collection is Chips and Guac. It’s a word association game with one player serving as the judge in each round. The card dealt is the “chip” and answers from the other players are the “guac,” so the judge has to pick the best pairing, get it? To add some tequila to that chips and guac, the judge can also dole out drinks to her least favorite answers.

CodeNames

Sean Hudgins, a spirits publicist at Evins Communications, has been playing CodeNames, which features a word-based game board in which teams are given clues to guess the specific words that would earn them points. Full rules are available here. “As far as the drinking rules, we play so that the other team has to take a sip for every word you get right,” he says. “You take a shot for every one of the other team’s words you guess unintentionally, and if your team guesses the ‘bomb’ you have to finish your drink.”

Coronavirus Bingo

This 2020 Pandemic version of Bingo features fun, relatable squares, such as “anxiety,” “recorded a podcast,” and “drinking alone.” Play on your virtual hangout with users taking turns as hosts. Drink every time you get a square, or you don’t, or when you get Bingo, or when you don’t. It’s a pandemic, the rules have ceased applying, right? Everyone loves Coronavirus Bingo, just please, please, please, don’t host an in-person game at your local senior center.

Coronavirus Briefing Drinking Game

At TVDrinking.com, you can take part in the Coronavirus Briefing Drinking Game. The drinking prompts and rules are all provided on the screen, so all you need to do is watch live to get in on the fun. The site also keeps some of its “favorite” past briefings up as video clips, so you can go back and watch at anytime

Drunk Pirate

Drunk Pirate is a free online drinking game based around fast and easy prompts. A sample flip of the cards shows prompts such as having anyone with a beard taking a drink, anyone owning an Apple product, or anyone who’s kissed one of the other current players.

Gloomhaven

Craig Bridger, who works with The Dalmore as its director of malt specialists, West, and head of education, recommends Gloomhaven. “My friends and I, who normally meet regularly in person to play, love a game called Gloomhaven,” he says. “We found it on Tabletop Simulator and have been playing it there.” He’s more of a whisky sipper while playing as opposed to a drinking game participant, though that works for a game that’s more marathon than sprint. “It’s a bit tedious but still fun,” Bridger says. “Also, fair warning: The nerd level is high with that game.”

Heads Up!

Heads Up! is the classic game in which you’re holding a card to your forehead, and another player has to help you guess what it says. There’s a free version with four different decks included with Houseparty, and additional premium options available. If there are numerous people or teams playing together, consider the spectators assigning drinks to either the clue giver, or the guesser, of a losing round.

Hollywood Squares

Freelance journalist G. Clay Whittaker recently tried his hand at hosting Hollywood Squares on Zoom. “Zoom grids look a lot like the classic Hollywood Squares board,” he says. “As long as you’ve got enough friends for a full game, all you need to do is add trivia questions and you’ve got a couple hours of fun.” This is a game that requires a fair number of people, ideally 12, including the host. Refresh yourself on the rules of Hollywood Squares, and use something such as Quizlet for the trivia questions.

Kings

Kings is the O.G. of drinking games, and several different platforms have web-based versions, including the aforementioned DrinkVirtually.com. The specific rules for each card have been the stuff of Solo Cup-fueled debates for decades, though you’ll remember some of the classics such as: Categories, Rhymes, Rules, Question Master, and so forth.

Never Have I Ever

Never Have I Ever is one of the easiest drinking games to play online, because you don’t need any cards or equipment or anything else. Just load up your virtual hangout and get started. There are numerous lists of questions online, though everyone knows the real fun is embarrassing your friend with a question you know he’ll have to raise his hand and drink for, allowing you to share that one-time secret with the rest of your friends.

Poker

Paul Hletko, the founder of FEW Spirits, has been turning to online poker to help pass the days. Even better, he’s putting the game to use. “All of the buy-ins are donated to feed restaurant staff,” he says. Cheers to that. To make it an official drinking game, have each hand’s winner assign a drink; it could be to everyone who folded, or to someone she felt was bluffing, for instance. Use your favorite poker service or a simple web-based platform such as DonkHouse.com.

Power Hour

Who needs a silly thing like a “rule,” or a “game,” or a “reason” to drink? Just play Power Hour, where you have to take one sip of your drink every minute for a full hour. It’s one of the game interfaces available on DrinkVirtually.com, with features such as automatic timers, minute-by-the-minute gongs, and randomly assigned bonus drinks.

Quick Draw

Quick Draw is another of the free games available via HouseParty. It’s basically a virtual Pictionary that has you drawing on your phone. Whoever guesses correctly can assign drinks for each round to the other players, or if nobody guesses correctly, the artist can assign drinks instead.

Remote Insensitivity

Remote Insensitivity is a free, web-based version of Cards Against Humanity. Though it’s not affiliated with the actual game, the website PlayingCards.io uses a Creative Commons license for its version. To make it a drinking game, the person choosing each round’s winner can also choose one (or several) of her least favorite answers and have those players drink.

Settlers of Catan

Joseph Mintz, the co-founder of Siponey canned honey cocktails, has been playing Settlers of Catan. “We play on Steam, which is an online gaming service for PC and Macs,” he says. An online version of the game can also be loaded on CatanUniverse.com. “We either have a conference call going or just have a group text on the side,” Mintz says. “For those familiar with the game, he suggests a few specific drinking rules. “Anytime the robber is placed on your hex you have to drink,” he says. “Anytime you build a settlement or a city, you have to drink. And anytime you use a development card you have to drink.”

Taboo

Taboo is another classic group card game, with each card having a word or phrase that must be guessed, and a set of forbidden words that the clue giver can’t use to help. All users can pull up the interface and just take turns as the clue giver. Drinks can be doled out when teams don’t guess correctly, when the clue giver messes up and mentions a taboo word, and when one team has enough points to win the game.

Ticket to Ride

Hletko has also been playing Ticket to Ride, though he warns against its addictive nature and its strong potential to ruin your productivity goals for the day. “I’ve been playing Ticket To Ride online, and drinking every time the stupid commuter stupidly takes the last route available,” he says. “It’s a card strategy game where you try to build railroads connecting various cities, and there are only certain paths you can optimally take. Of course, the computer players always take your last route.”

Trivia

“My trivia group gets together every Wednesday night on Zoom to play on Jackbox games,” says Christina Mercado, beverage manager at The Vanderbilt, Auberge Resorts Collection, in Newport, R.I. “You can share the screen on Zoom and everyone can see it on their computer, then your cell phone becomes the controller. So it feels like you’re all in the same room playing together.” There are plenty of free trivia options available, such as the Random Trivia Generator, and one on Houseparty as well.

Words With Friends

When you want a quick online drinking game without logging onto a virtual hangout, just play Words With Friends with your favorite partner. Lowest scoring word for a block of, say, five turns or five minutes has to drink, or a player hitting on a coveted triple word score or another high bonus can make the other player drink.

The article The 20 Best Free Online Games You Can Turn Into Drinking Games appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/20-best-online-drinking-games/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/the-20-best-free-online-games-you-can-turn-into-drinking-games

[missemarissa]

Fandom: The 100 (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin Characters: Bellamy Blake, Clarke Griffin Additional Tags: kink meme prompt, guard!Bellamy, prisoner!Clarke, Power Imbalance, Inherent consent issues, Pre-Series, Age Difference, clarke is 17, Rough Sex, Size Kink, Angst, Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Dirty Talk, Under-negotiated Kink, Alternate Universe - Met on the Ark Station (The 100) Series: Part 1 of Kink Meme 2017 Summary:

“Be clear, Miss Griffin. What, exactly, are you saying?” He demands, his voice thick and graveled.

Clarke considers her words carefully. He could easily use this against her. Does she really want to tack another charge onto the ones she’s already got stacked against her? She smirks, because what more can they possibly sentence her with? She already knows she’s going to be floated at 18. They’re not going to let her live, not when she knows that the ark is on its last legs. She has literally nothing to lose.

She slides her hand back up his chest, teasing at the buckles of his uniform. “I’m saying, I’ll do anything…” She curls her fingers along the collar of the jacket, and assures him with a sultry smile, “You can do whatever you want to me…”

“You know that bribery is against the law, Princess.” He says, with a hint of intrigue. His voice is a rough sound she can practically feel rumbling through her core.

She cocks an eyebrow, “What are they going to do? Float me twice?”

Thank you to @bellohmyblake, @raincityruckus, @bilexualclarke, @youovercomeit, @insideimfeelinpurrdy, @sithkylor, @marauders-groupie, @openhandorclosedfist, @electricalice, @bittyab18 and @shere17 for being such solid cheerleaders with all of this. Seriously, you guys have made this fandom and all its drama so much more bearable. 

Full Fic under the cut (Or read on AO3) 

The first time Clarke meets the handsome guard, she’s been locked up for 47 days. At least she thinks it’s been 47 days. The first few were a sedative-induced blur, so she’s not sure how many she lost there, but she’s still got a while before she feels like she needs to be concerned. 

She isn’t sure what makes her take note of this guard. It’s not because he’s young. Most of them are young – The Skybox isn’t exactly an exciting post, so when it comes to assignments, the people who lack seniority are assigned here until they can move on to bigger and better things. So, no, it’s not his youth. It’s probably because he’s hot. Like, incredibly hot. His skin is so dark and pretty, even though most of it is covered by his uniform. She wishes she could see more of it. His face has nice, well-defined angles, a jawbone so sharp it could cut glass… And there’s something exciting about the way his eyes sometimes linger on parts of her, causing a sudden urge to squirm underneath his scrutiny. 

Something makes her remember this guard the next time he comes. And the next time. And the time after that. She learns his name, Blake, when another guard calls him from the hall one day. She’s not sure if that’s his first or last name, but, well, it’s something. 

It’s the same routine every visit. 

“Prisoner 319, hands against the wall.” His voice bellows, echoing harshly against the featureless walls of her cell. 

Every time, she obeys. But today, she gets… creative about it. She pops her ass out - enough to be noticed, but subtle enough to deny. She grins to herself when he trips over his own feet on his way into the cell. Still, he recovers quickly and manages to carry on as if nothing happened. So, the next time, she does it again, maybe with a little more sway, more dramatics… She gets a little thrill at the clearing of his throat. It’s not much. Hell, it’s barely anything, but it’s not like she has a lot here to keep her entertained… 

She can’t really predict when she’ll get a visit. She learned early on that they stagger the checkups. The practice makes sense – it keeps the prisoners from being able to calculate when they might have to submit to a search, making it easier for the guards to find contraband. 

The guard, Blake, allows her to turn around and stand up against the wall while he performs the customary search of her room. He turns over pillows and shakes out blankets. He always re-folds them, puts things back how he found them. She appreciates the gesture, however small. It feels strangely… considerate. Like maybe he feels bad that doing his job imposes so much on her. She likes him. 

Clarke’s visits are different in a few ways. She’s in solitary, so they pay extra attention to her mental state. She thinks it might also have something to do with being the daughter of a council member – They don’t want to have to explain to a person of such high authority that they weren’t paying close enough attention to catch onto self-harming behavior. And they certainly don’t want to have to explain a suicide. It’s easy enough to bury the truth if the delinquent is an orphan, but when it’s the daughter of Abby Griffin, some things just can’t be swept under the rug. 

Guardsman Blake asks the same questions every time, and she replies with the same monotonous answers, crafted so people won’t pay too much attention. She already gets special treatment. She doesn’t need to add to the reasons they’re watching her. 

One day, he surprises her. He talks. She’s deeply thrown off because he goes outside the scripted questions, sending her down a rabbit hole of over-analysis, wondering why he’s gone off-script. She’s silent while she thinks his question, and by the time she realizes that she’s been quiet for too long, she’s forgotten what he asked in the first place. 

“I’m sorry, what?” She asks, confused.

Guardsman Blake chuckles, softly, “I just asked where you got the ideas for your drawing, there.” He nods at the floor on the corner of her cell, where she charcoaled a landscape, a forest with a river cutting through it. At least, what she thinks that might look like. She doesn’t let people see these, always makes them small enough to wipe away with her sleeves when she hears the telltale sound of people entering. Now that he is examining her work, she feels naked. Exposed. Profoundly vulnerable, despite the drawing not being remotely personal in nature. 

“Oh.” She shrugs, “Earth Skills – you know the videos they had us watch for the modules?” 

He nods, studying the shapes of the trees, and she feels a bit cracked open under the scrutiny. “Yeah, I see it.” He tilts his head, “You know, you’re not supposed to have sharp objects in here.” 

Clarke looks at the charcoal in her hand, “I… I didn’t think this was really sharp.” 

His gaze peels into her, and she wants to shrink back into the corner because this feels like too much. She’s gone so many days now without significant human interaction and this extra attention is… overwhelming. He reaches out and wraps his hand around her wrist, and just the contact of his skin on hers somehow burns. She pulls her hand back, but he tightens his grip until she drops the bit of charcoal into his other palm. 

He clucks his tongue while inspects the object, keeping his hand wrapped tightly around her wrist. “This might be contraband,” He says with a smirk. She grabs for it, but he holds it up out of reach. She panics at the thought of it being taken away. It’s true, she shouldn’t have it. She knows her mom arranged for it to somehow get to her. It’s her only form of entertainment, the only thing that keeps her from going out of her damn mind in this box… She can’t bear to lose it. 

“Please! You can’t-” She shakes her head, tears welling up behind her eyes. He has a teasing glimmer in his eye, and his cockiness bothers her. She blinks back her tears and stands a little straighter, pulls at her wrist but finds his grip is still too strong on it to pull free. “My mother is on the council, and if she finds-”

The teasing smile drops from his face and he yanks her closer. “Oh, you think your privileged status gets you special treatment here?” Clarke shakes her head quickly, realizing she just pressed the wrong button for this man. She chastises herself for using the wrong threat, for invoking status against someone who, she guesses, has an axe to grind with the council. What the hell was she thinking? Most of the ark has a reason to hate the council. 

Her fingertips are tingling, cold and bluer by the second, now. She pulls on her arm and yelps, “You’re hurting me!” 

His face flickers with an apology that never makes it to his mouth. He loosens his grip just enough to allow blood flow to return, but not enough to actually let go. “Mommy isn’t here, Princess,” he spits out the name with venom. 

Clarke glares, “Don’t call me that.” 

He shakes his head, “I wouldn’t say you’re in a position to demand anything right now, Princess.” She hates the way her core curls with arousal at the angry tone of his voice, hates the way her hand already misses the harshness of his grip on her arm when he drops it. “You’re lucky I don’t call this in right now.” 

She snaps her gaze to his. Maybe he won’t turn it in… Might he even let her keep it? “Please, I’ll do anything, just…” She looks away, “It’s all I have. It’s the only thing in here that keeps me from losing my mind.” She looks him in the eye again, sees the way his gaze flickers quickly to her chest and back. Oh… “Anything…” She repeats, pressing forward so that her breasts graze his bicep. 

He sucks in a breath, body tensed, but doesn’t otherwise respond. Okay, fine. She’ll have to up her game. She’s seen this in movies she used to watch with her friends… 

She can do this.

He stands in place, so she steps closer, completely in his space. Her hand comes up and hovers over his form, not touching, like she can’t make up her mind where to she should set it first. She sees the way it shakes, so she presses it against his chest, just to keep herself steady. It’s unnerving, the way he stares at her, like he can’t decide if he’s disgusted or intrigued.

She stares at his broad chest, realizing she’s very much out of her element here. In the movies, seduction always fell into place quickly with just a few moves, never meeting resistance or apathy. Certainly not a hard or confused stare… She slides her hand down, ready to give up, but before it can go far, his own suddenly claps over it, keeping it firmly in place. She sucks in a sharp breath of surprise and looks up at him, eyes wide. 

“Be clear, Miss Griffin. What, exactly, are you saying?” He demands, his voice thick and graveled. 

Clarke considers her words carefully. He could easily use this against her. Does she really want to tack another charge onto the ones she’s already got stacked against her? She smirks, because what more can they possibly sentence her with? She already knows she’s going to be floated at 18. They’re not going to let her live, not when she knows that the ark is on its last legs. She has literally nothing to lose. 

She slides her hand back up his chest, teasing at the buckles of his uniform. “I’m saying, I’ll do anything…” She curls her fingers along the collar of the jacket, and assures him with a sultry smile, “You can do whatever you want to me…” 

“You know that bribery is against the law, Princess.” He says, with a hint of intrigue. His voice is a rough sound she can practically feel rumbling through her core. 

She cocks an eyebrow, “What are they going to do? Float me twice?” 

He narrows his eyes, the shadow of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, even though she can tell he’s trying to suppress it. She’s won, and she knows it… 

“Anything?” He asks, still skeptical. 

She nods, her other hand finding its way to his jacket to play with the zipper. “Whatever the hell you want, Sir.” She bites on her lip, watches his eyes flare with something exciting, though a little frightening. She wonders if maybe she’s in over her head, if maybe this is something she’ll regret… It might be, but still, this is far more interesting than messing around with charcoal drawings for hours on end. 

Without warning, he whips her around so her back is to his chest. He pins her arms behind her with one hand, holds them tightly in place by the elbows. His other hand slowly travels over her front, between her breasts, until he rests them just under her neck. His thumb and fingers are splayed across her collarbones, dipping into the hollows formed with each heavy breath. 

“Whatever the hell I want…” He chuckles, lips by her ear, voice dark and ruthless, and oh, god, altogether thrilling. 

She nods, tensing up at the way his fingers dig into her skin, crushing at her bones. He doesn’t move but his breath is harsh, ruffling her hairline. Her chest rises and falls opposite his, like some fucked up symbiosis of movement. His hand slides back down, slow and steady, tracing the outer curve of her breast and wrapping into the dip of her waist. The weight of it as he travels lower is intoxicating. 

“Oh, god,” She gasps, her body arching into his touch as he kneads at her ass, grasping and twisting the flesh of it in his large hands. 

He growls, a menacing sound if she ever heard one, “You sure you know what you’re asking for, Princess?” 

She struggles against his hold, curious just how strong his grip is, and finds she’s unable to break from it. She feels a jolt of excitement go straight to her center, tempered by a flash of apprehension, because this man is already proving to be more… forceful than she anticipated. What happened to the nice guy who folded her blanket after searching it? Where is the guard who gave her gentle smiles for her obedience? Who is this man in his place?

She's not sure who he is. She just knows she wants him. Badly

“You sure you know what you’re doing?” She hisses, trying to meet his aggression with her own. It gives her a flare of power despite the rather defenseless position in which he’s holding her. His grip on her ass gets a little meaner, pulling from her needy whine as she throws her head back. “Come on,” She pleads, wiggling against him. 

He huffs, “You’re fucking demanding, aren’t you, Princess?” This time he says the name with a little less malice, though it’s still laced with a hint of annoyance. She knows he’s provoking her. It works. She tilts her head to look at him, gives him a pointed glare so he can see just how irritated she is. He returns it with a satisfied smirk, tightening his grip on her elbows. 

“Maybe if you’d deliver-” she’s cut off by his hand wrapping around her front, splaying across her stomach and pulling her back against him. “Fuck…” She gasps when she feels his erection against her back. 

“Don’t you worry, Princess…” He says, grinding himself against her. “I’ll fucking deliver.” His hand darts from her stomach to her chin, swiftly jerking it to face straight ahead. “Eyes forward, understood?” 

She nods, a humiliating rush of wetness seeping into her underwear, “Yes.” 

He pinches her breast, hard enough to sting through both her shirt and bra, “Yes Sir.” 

She whimpers, jerks in his grip, but obeys. “Yes Sir.” 

He chuckles, but gone is any sweetness or amusement. It’s a harsh, ugly sound. It scares her, yes, but she can’t deny the inkling of excitement she feels bloom inside that fear. His hand slips under her shirt, quickly finds her breasts, freeing them from the cups. The sound of ripping seams alarms her for a moment, but then he flicks his thumb over her nipple and that’s the last thought she can spare for her undergarments… 

He has yet to let up on her arms, and her shoulders ache from the awkward stretch. She pulls against him, “My arms-” She whispers, but gets no response. She tries again, a little more humble, “My arms, Sir.” 

“That’s better,” He tells her as he loosens his grip and releases them. She rolls her shoulders and his hands come up to massage them. The gesture is unexpectedly kind and throws her for a loop, but she doesn’t stop him. Within seconds, the ache is gone and before she can stop herself, she leans back against his chest with a sigh. Then, just like that, the moment is gone.

“Hands against the wall, prisoner.” He demands roughly, leaving no room for negotiation. She quickly complies, shivering as his palms travel in firm paths over her sides, under her shirt, gathering it up to expose her chest so he can grasp at her breasts again. “Your tits…” He breathes, “They’re fucking incredible…” It hurts, the way he grabs at them, pulls on the tender flesh. It’s a confusing sensory input when he pinches and twists at one nipple while he gently grazes the tip of the other. 

She nods, smiling, trying to steady her shaky form, “I’ve heard that before.” It’s true. She learned quickly that she could use her assets to manipulate situations in her favor. Other guards seemed impervious to their charm, but she always had a feeling that Guardsman Blake would have a weakness for them. 

“I’ve wanted to get my hands on these for a while…” He pinches her nipples tightly between his fingers, pulls them away from her body. Her hands curl against the wall, fingernails scraping against it in search of something to grip. She’s feeling light-headed already and he’s barely done anything yet… 

She pushes her ass against him again, grinding against his erection, a surge of victory flashing through her when his movements stutter. He releases her breasts, brings a hand to her stomach and squeezes her body to his, and she could swear she can feel him get harder. 

“Fuck…” He curses against her hair. The clink of his belt buckle echoes through the room, the hiss of his zipper loud as he pulls it down. His sigh of relief as he pulls his cock free is absolutely electrifying. She wants to feel it in her hands, but resists the urge, keeps her hands where he told her… But she needs his hands back on her. Needs their harshness, compelling her to feel something besides the apathy of solitude. 

“Please…” 

“What do you need, Princess?”

His hand is back on her body, and she notes that his jacket is off, his forearm bare. His fingers curl under her waistband, but pause at the button. “Tell me what you want.” He asks impatiently. His tone sends a chill down her spine and she has a sudden sick fear that no matter what she tells him, he’ll take her however he wants. 

Would he stop if she asked? Did she really push him over the edge? She abandons that train of thought, not wanting to consider what it means, that the thought of him losing control makes her feel even more turned-on.

“Hands,” she pants, “Hands… fingers… please.” She isn’t exactly proud of her breathlessness, but this is unlike anything she’s ever experienced. 

He grunts, making quick work of her button and zipper. His fingers slip into her underwear and she hisses at the roughness of his skin when he parts her folds. He doesn’t wait before sinking a finger into her. 

“Fuck, you’re wet…” He remarks with a thick hum. “You like it rough, Princess?” 

She sucks in a sharp breath at the invading digit, “I- I’ve never…” She’s never had rough or even really imaginative sex. She always figured she had enough life ahead of her to try new things, so with her partners in the past, she always engaged in familiar comforts. This? A little mean, kind of harsh? No, she’s never done it like this before. 

“Never had it rough?” He asks, more curious than mocking. She shakes her head and he murmurs something about experience and dying but she can’t make out everything he’s saying over the rush of blood in her ears once he adds a second finger. 

His hand is huge, and with two fingers buried inside her, he’s still able to wrap his thumb around the front of her pubic bone to envelop her mons in his fist. Her clit rubs just right against the palm of his hand this way, and he seems pleased with her eager mewls. He blessedly continues to move his hand with precision that threatens to take her apart despite his painful grip on her cunt. 

“Is this doing it for you, Princess?” He asks, his tone laced with amusement and surprise.

She nods, keening when he curls his fingers inside her, hitting a good place she can never seem to reach on her own. He chuckles, and it sounds like ridicule, but she can’t quite bring herself to care too much when she’s this close to climax. His treatment is rough, but it’s faster and more effective than her own fingers have ever been. 

That delicious pressure builds in her core, “I need-” She starts, but doesn’t know what she needs. But he seems to. He moves his hand faster, his rough fingers dragging, no, digging against that place inside her. And it still hurts, but it’s a good hurt (so good). She comes with a guttural moan, a shiver of bliss shooting through her, walls clamping down around his fingers, his breath hot against ear. 

“That’s a good girl, so good for me…” She hears him say over the ringing in her ears. “You’re tight, Princess.” He remarks, “So fucking tight, but you’ve gotta relax for me if you’re gonna take my cock.” She tries, she really does, but his fingers keep winding her up when he scissors them inside her, stretching them against her still-quivering walls. 

“I’m trying,” She says. She feels something wet on her cheeks, and realizes with a start that she’s crying. His fingers stop moving when he sees her tears. 

“Fuck…” He recoils, “What the fuck am I doing?” She can hear the self-loathing in his voice, the sudden disgust with himself. He starts to pull his hand back, but she slaps her palm over his forearm, holding him in place with a desperate cry. 

“Please!” She sniffs back her tears and angrily wipes them away with the back of her other hand. She realizes she’s removed them from the wall, against his orders, and she finds herself hoping he’ll do something about it. 

He sighs behind her, his hand still on her cunt, but no longer gripping so harshly on it. “I shouldn’t have-” He begins. “This is fucking wrong… You’re a pris-” 

Clarke cuts him off, shaking her head, “No, please, I need this.” She squeezes her hand over his muscled forearm, drags her palm up and down it until she feels him relax a bit. He drops his head on her shoulder, turns his face into her neck and breathes deep, sending shivers up and down her body. 

“Fuck…” He says, then presses his mouth in a slow kiss to the side of her neck. Goosebumps break out over her whole body with the wisps of breath over her skin. 

“Yes…” She nods, frantic. “Fuck me… please.” 

Guard Blake’s head is heavy on Clarke’s shoulder and she can feel his thick swallow while he considers her plea. Her free hand makes its way to his hair, fingers tangled in the strands, surely messing up the slicked-back style he always wears. 

She asks one more time, dropping her head against him with a choked cry, “Please.”

He breathes her in deeply, and without his jacket in the way, she takes a moment to feel his solid chest as it expands against her. The fabric of her shirt sticks to the sweat on her back, the near-sodden material pulling on her skin as she squirms against him, desperate for a reaction. 

“Alright,” He exhales against her skin, “Alright, I’ve got you.”

Relief shudders through her with his acquiescence. She gives his arm a gentle squeeze before letting it go, and he slides both hands to her waist. He pulls her underwear and pants together over her ass and pushes them down her thighs. She steadies herself with a hand against the wall, twists her hips and shimmies, then steps out of one pant leg, not bothering to release the other one before she grinds back against him. 

She gives a contented hum at the contact. His erection is hot against her bare back, and she wishes she had more time to appreciate what she’s realizing is a very large cock. She feels a flash of apprehension at the size. This might be more than she’s ready to handle. She shakes off that thought as his fingers find their way back to her center, more gently than before. He parts her folds, slowly, sweetly, while he steadies her with his other hand on her hip.

Clarke grasps her bare breasts with her free hand, tweaking and pulling on one, then the other… She drops her head forward while he sinks two fingers back into her cunt, slowly stretching her. She’s grateful for that courtesy, now that she has an idea of his considerable girth. She still hasn’t properly touched him, but enough clues are there to give her a rough estimation – she’s certain that he’s far bigger than anyone she’s been with before. 

It doesn’t take long for her to get impatient. She drops her hand from her tits and grabs onto his wrist between her legs, trying to get his attention.

“That’s enough,” she pleads, “Come on…” 

He huffs, seemingly amused by her impatience. He wraps his other hand over her wrist and pins it to the wall in front of her, joining the one already there. She leans her weight against her palms, bending forward at the waist at a slight angle. He’s taking too long, so she arches her back, grinds her ass against him, grinning a bit at his strangled response. 

"I've got you," He says, and finally she feels his cock sliding between her folds, slicking himself up with her arousal. She lets go broken little whimpers when he bumps her clit, her limbs jolting at the touch. Her jaw goes slack as the bulbous head pushes in, stretching her with his girth. He stops just inside, letting her tight opening adjust to his thickness. She thinks for a moment that maybe she should’ve let him prepare her a little longer because she’s already feeling a little light-headed from this. 

“Just breathe for me,” He directs, and she blows out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. When she inhales again, she feels the cloudiness in her head begin to dissipate. “That’s right,” He coaxes, “Just keep breathing with me, okay?” She does as she’s told, feels each of his inhales and exhales in her cunt where his cock rests heavily inside. Her body shivers at the soothing dance of his fingers up and down her side. She lets herself fall farther forward, bending her elbows and letting her forearms rest against the wall. 

“Give me more,” Clarke begs as she rests her forehead in the crook of her elbow, not daring to move the rest of her body. Her face screws up in discomfort as he pushes a little farther in. She comes up on her tiptoes, like a reflex, as her body resists him, but he carefully pulls her back down, holding her in place with a large hand wrapped around her hip. 

“Breathe again,” He urges. She hisses this time, fingers clenching in a fist against the wall as she takes more of him in. 

She feels him opening her more and lets go a wrecked moan, "Oh god..." His free hand comes to her breasts, holding and supporting each one in his palm, as if to examine and compare the heaviness of one to the other. She keens when he playfully rolls a nipple between his thumb and forefinger, distracting her from the stinging stretch of his cock as he fills her, bit by aching bit. 

“You’re doing so good, Princess.” His encouraging tone makes her feel fluttery inside. An altogether foreign feeling after so many weeks in solitary confinement. “Just keep breathing.” Finally, she thinks he might be all the way in, and he stops moving again.

“Are you-” she falters, unable to come up with the words to ask if he’s all the way in. He knows, though.

“Not yet… Can you take a little more?” He asks, voice careful but cracking at the edges with desperation.

Clarke shakes her head, “Just… I need a minute.” She thinks maybe after she relaxes, loosens up, she’ll be able to take more. She isn’t sure how long that’ll be. She’s never tried to “loosen up” for something this large.

She feels his fingers dig harshly into her hip, knows they’re going to leave bruises, proof of how much it strained him to remain still inside her, to hold himself back from thrusting completely in. She’ll relish the marks until they fade, until the evidence of their dalliance is gone and she's left wondering if it ever happened at all.

“That's alright,” He assures her. “You don't have to.” He shifts on his feet, and she feels his movement with her entire body, even more intensely than before, now that he's filled her so much. It's a mesmerizing sensation, feeling so completely connected to him, like he's somehow part of her.

Clarke releases a throaty moan when he shifts again, feels herself clench down around him, and his responding groan is exhilarating. Just the little bit of movement, that slight drag of his cock against her walls, starts to feed a fire deep in her core.

His voice is strained, “Tell me when I can-”

She cuts him off with a frantic nod, “You can… You can move.” As he pulls out, achingly slow, she swears she can feel every ridge, every blessed vein as it passes through her over-stretched slit.

He blows out a strong breath, “Goddamn, Princess…” he says the name with startling affection, running his large hand up her spine and back down her side, then settling in the curve of her waist. “If you could see what I'm seeing right now.”

“Tell me,” she rasps, not caring how desperate she sounds.

“Fuck,” He swears. He pauses, as if to consider how filthy he wants to be. His breaths are heavy and loud in the air, and every moment of anticipation makes her body scream for more. Finally, he continues, voice raspy, “Your tight little cunt is stretched around my cock, and it's…” She hears him scrub a hand over his face before it comes back to her waist. “It's fucking incredible.” He pulls out until just the thick head is still inside. She gives a languid hum when she feels him tease her opening. He huffs, “It’s like your pussy is clinging to me.” She groans into her arm, visualizing his words. A heavy sigh forms deep in her chest when he starts to push back in, this time more easily than the first. And the next time even easier. And the time after that…

She feels her tension ease up as the sting of his stretch fades, giving way to pleasure. He bends forward, leans his hand on the wall above her head. She looks up at it and finds herself captivated by the knotty network of veins, follows them as they converge and begin to twist up his muscled forearm. Never has she been so turned on by hands as she is right now. His body is bowed over her own, so close she can feel his restrained grunts as he sets an unhurried rhythm. His actions are careful and deliberate, like he’s worried she’ll break. It’s slow and languorous… almost sweet.

It’s not enough.

“More,” She begs on a choked whisper, “I need more.”

“More what?” he asks. 

She makes a frustrated noise, “Like you were doing it before.”

“Before?” He sounds confused.

She breathes out, still mildly unsure of her request, “...Rough.” She arches her back and splays her hands against the wall, presses her weight into them to push herself against Bellamy. She lets go a shocked gasp alongside his unrestrained growl, as her body yields to the rest of his cock. She takes a moment to just feel him, buried to the hilt inside her.

She can practically hear the conflict in his mind while he considers her appeal, but to her delight, he doesn’t take long to come to a decision. His hand twists into her hair, abruptly pulling back and forcing her body into an even more severe arch.

“Rough?” He cocks a brow when she glances at him, a flicker of skepticism in his eyes, maybe a little unsure of Clarke’s demand, still wondering if she can handle it.

She narrows her eyes, now even more irritated by his carefulness. “You heard me.” To emphasize her point, she pulls off a bit and aggressively grinds herself back on him. Her eyes slam shut as his cock surges deep, his rumbling growl vibrating through her, it’s all so much. A licentious cry tears from her throat, the loud noise cutting through the room, bouncing off the walls.

His large hand flies to her face, covering her mouth so fast that a loud slap rings through the room. With the impact, her mind goes blank. It stings, and for a moment, every thought in her head is centered on the echo of his palm connecting with her skin. She feels her cunt clench down, a wave of arousal crashing over her as she abruptly comes back to the moment – her aching pussy stretched tight over his thick cock, her mouth covered by a hand so big, his fingertips nearly touch her ear.

She knows it was accidental, an unintended consequence of trying to keep them from getting caught. A bout of shame courses through her, because she liked it. Her wanton moan is muffled by his hand, but very much there.

“Fuck,” he curses under a panicked breath and loosens his grip. “I’m so sorry, that-”

She claws his hand away from her face, shaking her head, uninterested in his apologies. “Again,” she pants, ignoring her embarrassment at the throaty croak. “Do it again.”

He contemplates it for a moment, then covers her mouth. She realizes he misinterpreted her demand when he’s careful with the motion, doesn’t let his hand slap against her skin. She wants to correct him, wants to tell him that’s not what she meant, but then he crushes his palm hard against her face, twisting her hair a little harder around his fist, and yeah that’ll do.

She moans, a wanton sound from deep in her chest, when he draws his hips back. Her walls quiver around him, as if she’s unwilling to let him go. The movement is almost painful again given how strained she already is. Still, the sting is welcome, craved, even. Somehow, it reminds her that she’s human. For weeks, she’s felt lifeless, numb… Her drawings are a small indulgence, but barely enough to keep herself from caving under the desolation of her solitude. She misses feeling. Even the devastating sorrow of losing her father would be preferable to the anesthetized state of emotion to which she’s wasted.

But this guard, with his harsh treatments and short temper, opening her wider than she’s ever been – he makes her feel more alive than she’s felt since before her life went to shit. His roughness is invigorating and spins a heavy coil of need in her abdomen. When he moves again, it’s almost too much. He pushes in, forcing her open and driving everything from her mind but lust for more.

“Feels so fucking good,” He growls, the guttural sound sending shivers through her body. “Clinging to my cock like this…” He gives an extra push every time he bottoms out, a move that sends a shock up her spine, the pleasure-pain mixing deliciously with the sting of her scalp and the grind of his hand against her mouth. “…Wouldn’t have pegged you for rough,” He remarks, already sounding winded from the exertion, or maybe they’re limiting oxygen to this sector already. “This rough enough for you?” He asks against her neck, taking little nips that prickle her skin.

Clarke shakes her head, because it’s not. She wants to feel the world stagger again, like she did when his hand struck her face… She liked the way it tasted, the way it stunned her senses. He moves his hand away from her mouth and she gasps out, “I want-” but cuts herself off, unsure how to ask for it.

He halts his movements and loosens his grip on her hair, “What?” He grunts, “Tell me what you want.”

“I-“ She words it sixty different ways in her head, but can’t seem to get a single one to reach her tongue.

He responds with sigh, slightly irritated at its edges. “Come on, say it.” He urges.

“When you hit me.” She whispers, wishing she could sound less small, less weak, less fucked-up for wanting something so debased and wrong. “I-” She clears her throat, “I liked it.”

His breath tickles her skin when he chuckles, “Is that right?” He sounds a little disbelieving, like maybe he isn’t sure he heard her right. “You liked it?” His grip on her hair tightens again and he wraps it around his fist, pulling it back so he can see her face from above. His smile is a little wicked and sends a bolt of excitement through her. Suddenly she feels a sting radiate from her cheek, drawing out a hungry moan. “Like that?” She still doesn’t see his hand when he repeats the action, but the crack in the air rings in her ears with the slap and draws a filthy groan out of her.

She hisses, “Yes… fuck.”

“Rough… Alright, Princess.” His tone holds dark promises that shower her senses with anticipation and need.

He makes her take him, over and over, bottoming out each time, making her feel every brutal inch of him. He holds her head in place, fist tight in her hair while he fucks her open.

“Fuck, you do love this…” He growls, smacks her cheek again, “You feel that? How your cunt squeezes me every time I slap you?”

Clarke nods, moaning a litany of fuck, and god, and yes. She’s so sensitive and thoroughly stretched out, every movement of his cock in her swollen slit sends a jolt of white-hot pleasure through her body. The tension builds, becoming unbearable, in desperate need of release.

“Come on,” He grunts, picking up the pace of his thrusts. “I want to feel it.” He’s insistent in the filthiest way. “…wanna feel you come on my cock.”

She’s so, so close – she can nearly taste it (or maybe she bit her lip a little too hard). She just needs something to get her over the edge. Her hands curl into fists, blunt fingernails digging harshly into her palms and cutting half-moon indents she’ll find later.

“I need-” She starts, but her thoughts are too chaotic form the words. Somehow, he knows. He slides his hand down her front, between her thighs, finds her swollen clit and rubs it in tight, rough circles that match his rhythm. He snaps into her with a renewed vigor and there it is... Her body tightens around him and he answers it with an appreciative groan.

“That’s right… Fuck, I can feel it.” He rasps and wraps a hand over her face again, trapping her wrecked cries. Her lungs fight for air while his voice rumbles over the blood rushing through her ears, “Just let go for me…”

She does.

Every muscle in her body goes taut with bliss, pulling so tight that her bones hurt, until her orgasm finally crashes through her. The force of it shakes her from within, pulsing to the beat of her heart. A sharp streak of pain shoots from her shoulder, and she vaguely registers his teeth sinking into the flesh as his thrusts lose rhythm.

His cock jerks and spasms as he comes inside her.

His body curls powerfully around her, amplifying the warmth and tingles that scatter over her skin. A darkness flickers at the edges of her vision, growing steadily wider while her limbs are overcome by an unsettling flimsiness. She vaguely registers her body falling forward.

All she hears as she collapses is a distant “Oh, fuck…”

 Clarke snaps into consciousness, drawing desperate gulps of air into her lungs. Her skin is covered in a cold sweat as her mind tries to grasp where she is. Confusing currents of pleasure pulse through her, swelling from her core out to her fingers and toes as a soothing shhh resonates in her ears. As her breaths even out, an alarmingly unfamiliar scent floods her senses. A panic rushes through her and she thrashes against whatever is crushing her ribs. The movement makes her suddenly aware of the stretch of her cunt and all at once, she remembers where she is.

The guard…

His arm is slung across her body, holding her firmly against his chest as he soothes her shakes with warm utterances.

“Shhh, you’re okay, Princess.” He murmurs softly, “I’ve got you…” The gentleness in his voice is instantly soothing. She nods and brings her shaking hands to grip onto his forearm where it crosses her body. Her fingers tingle where they meet his skin. She drops her head back and closes her eyes, feeling his chest expand with each breath. The repetition lulls her, and she finally lets herself surrender to the soft euphoria that flows through her.

“What happened?” She whispers, finally.

He huffs, “I didn’t realize my hand was covering your mouth and nose… I accidentally blocked your airway and you fainted.”

Clarke nods weakly, “Oh… How long was I out?”

His thumb rubs an absent pattern against her skin. “Not long. A few seconds, maybe.” She can hear the flustered undertones in his voice as he explains. “Your legs gave out and you closed your eyes, kind of like a long blink. Then you suddenly came-to, pretty confused.” She cranes her neck to look up at him and he meets her eyes with a remorseful expression. “I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.”

She cracks a half-smile and curls her fingers over his forearm, “You’re forgiven.”

He looks relieved as he closes his eyes with a nod. He shifts his weight a surprised yelp escapes her lips. Her cunt is so swollen and tender, that every movement he makes reverberates through her body with jolts of pleasure-pain.

“Wait!” She protests as he begins to pull out. He halts for a moment.

“It’ll be more uncomfortable the longer we wait.” He explains, his voice gentle and apologetic. 

She nods, “Oh…” She winces as he pulls out with merciful slowness. His cock is heavy and softening as it slips out, leaving her with a sense of emptiness in its absence. A surprised gasp escapes at the sudden warmth of his come as it drips out of her, down the inside of her leg. The trickle gets as far as her knee before he grabs a spare cloth from a box and catches it, wiping carefully up her inner thigh and patting her clean.

“Here, step in there,” He instructs as he situates her pants so she can put them back on. He doesn’t say anything to fill the silence as he helps pull them back up her legs and over her hips, then carefully fastens the button closure. He stands up again, pulling her shirt back down into place and smoothing it over her body.

“You doing alright, Princess?” He asks.

“Clarke.” She corrects. “My name is Clarke.”

He ducks his head, but not before she catches a hint of a smile on his lips. “Bellamy.”

“Bellamy.” She repeats, enjoying the way her tongue curls around each syllable. It’s a good name.

He nods toward the forgotten drawing on the floor, “You shouldn’t hide those.”

She frowns, confused, “What do you mean?”

He tilts his head and considers her question as he shrugs his jacket back on and zips it up. “Your drawings are really good… Don’t hide them.”

“Okay…” She nods slowly. She cracks a small smile at the way he shuffles his feet a little awkwardly. “Thanks.”

Bellamy gives her a quick nod, cheeks visibly reddened.

“I mean it.” She gestures vaguely between them, “For everything... Thank you.”

Before he can say anything else, a noise comes through the radio on his hip, calling for guards to disperse a developing brawl in another cell. “I’ve gotta-“

She waves him off, “I heard – sounds like they need you.”

“Yeah, something like that.” He makes for the door. As it opens, he hesitates, turns back to face her. His mouth moves like he’s going to say something, but the words don’t materialize, cut off by the rush of guards running past her cell. He steps out and gives her a final nod as the cell door slides shut.

Clarke sits on her bed, wincing at the ache between her legs. She lies back on the threadbare pillow, already consumed by thoughts of Bellamy. Her eyes close and the memory of their liaison plays on a loop. She smiles, thinking about what she’ll do next time they meet.

 He doesn’t come back.

 Days, then weeks tick by without hearing from him. At first, she wonders if he got promoted to a better post. He didn’t even say goodbye... It makes her feel sick… Used… Angry. Over time, the anger fades, until one day she’s gripped by the sudden fear that someone saw them. She tortures herself with guilt, wondering if he got in trouble for fucking a prisoner he was guarding. If he was punished because she tempted him too far.

On his advice, she stops hiding her drawings. They get bigger, covering the walls in murals of the Earth she sees in her dreams.

She thinks of him less often as her eighteenth birthday draws nearer. The date of her execution looms, distracting her from thoughts of freckled cheeks and dimpled chins.

Eventually, she starts to forget small details, like the shape of his eyes, then bigger ones, like the sound of his voice. Until she starts to wonder whether it happened at all. Maybe the memory was just a dream.

Maybe Bellamy Blake never even existed…

 A month before her eighteenth birthday, Clarke wakes up strapped to an exodus ship hurtling towards an irradiated Earth. The chaos of the landing is overwhelming, and she struggles to get the attention of the flustered teenagers, bustling about with their newfound freedom. When someone mentions opening of the dropship door, she panics and makes a run for the ladder.

“Stop! The air could be toxic!” She pleads as she lowers herself down.

The answering voice grips her with painful familiarity, stopping her in her tracks. He looks her in the eye, recognition flickering briefly before he schools an authoritative smirk on his features.

“If the air is toxic, we’re all dead, anyway…”