#this is the moment I pause and consider my choices and honestly self care hope queen has fun reading me rotting for 15+ pages with a

[mazojo]

You romanticize your classes by using colored pens and sticky notes, I romanticize my classes by somehow someway making everything and any assignment about my OCs. We are not the same.

[bakugosbratx]

omg could you do a dark villain Shoto x fem reader smut?

NSFW 18+ The Pawn— AU Villian! Shoto Todoroki x Fem! Reader

Warning: 18+ content. Unprotected sexual intercourse, alternate universe, toxic relationship, stolkholm syndrome, fluff, angst, gaslighting, manipulation, kidnapping, murder of family, punishment, bdsm, power play, yandere tendencies, etc.

Words: 2,410

Check out my other works here

A/N: Thank you so much for your request! I am so sorry it took me forever to do it. But I hope it meets what you’re looking for. This is my first time writing for Shoto so I apologize in advance.

Tags: @awilddreamerwrites @peachsenpie @milkthistletea @quietlegends @idfkwtfgof

“Any last words?” Shoto questions with a demeaning scowl of disgust, his index finger becoming restless on the pistol’s trigger. The barrel of the gun is resting on the man’s temple while he pleads for mercy.

“I’ll have your money by next week, I swear!” The man cried.

“You said that last time. To be quite frank, I’m not really fond of your lying, Y/L/N.” Shoto admits, cocking the gun so it can fire. The terrified man’s eyes grew wide as tears stream down his face.

“Shoto,” his breath hitches, “p-please. I have a family to take care of. A wife and two children. Please.”

Horrific muffled screams filled the kitchen where your family reside as the gunshot went off. Blood leaked from your father’s bullet wound onto the floor beneath him. You all were forced to watch, tied up and helpless. Shoto even had his crew gag you so your words would not disturb his business meeting. He hates interruptions.

“Disgusting.” Shoto complains, referencing to some of the blood covering his face. Igniting his left side, he sets your father’s corpse on fire. The smell of burning flesh filled your snot filled nostrils as more whimpers escaped your cloth covered lips. This caught Shoto’s attention.

“You,” he calls out as he makes his way towards your tied up body. He picks you up with ease, throwing you over his muscular shoulder. “Are coming with me.”

Your muffled remarks were no use as well as your kicks. You are terrified and not sure why Shoto, Japan’s notorious killer, is doing in your household right now, but you know it’s not good.

“Sir,” one of the men stopped you two as Shoto is making his way towards the exit. He pauses his motion, waiting for the man’s question. “What do you want us to do with the other two? Heroes will be here any moment.”

Shoto pondered the man’s words for a moment. You are silently pleading that he will just let them go, but that was not even a thought in his mind. “Leave them be.”

“But sir—“

“The house will be burnt to ash in any given moment,” he activates his left side for emphasis, “if you want to stay alive, I suggest you gather up the others and get a move on.”

The man nodded and Shoto begins walking out of the house. You struggle in his grasp, but Shoto remains undisturbed by your antics. Throwing you into the back of a van, he slams the double doors. Now all you are left with is your thoughts.

This doesn’t seem real. It truly can’t be. Your family is being massacred and there is not a thing you can do about it. You can even hear their muzzled screams as your house goes up in flames. Still, you are useless as the van starts and drives far away from the crime scene.

Shoto Todoroki is Japan’s worse nightmare. Numerous accounts of murder, abuse of power, kidnapping, anything terrible had Shoto’s name on it. No one knows much about the villain’s personal life except for his heroic father with a bad temper. Some say it is his fault for the way his son turned out and Shoto would agree, but Shoto’s crimes will not be taken from him. No, they are all his doing and he is proud of it.

“Y/N,” Shoto called, making you snap out of your thoughts. You turn to meet the man that now claims you as his. “Are you alright, love? You hardly touched your food.”

“Oh, I’m fine.” You mumbled, giving a soft smile. Bringing the ramen noodle soup to your lips, you forced yourself to eat the food. Your stomach is in shambles as the thoughts from that night came back. There are still many unanswered questions and unknown puzzle pieces, but that is a life you need to forget about. You are Shoto’s now. You have no choice but to be his.

Shoto studied your features. If there is one thing Shoto is not is dumb. He is observant. Just one wrong look and you are in deep trouble. Considering you have been living with Shoto for over a year now, you have grown accustomed to his ways. You have learned to appease him in anyway to make you happy. Especially if it is going to keep you alive.

“You know I don’t appreciate when you lie to me.” Shoto nonchalantly reminds you, noticing how quickly you swallow when the words flow out off his tongue.

“I-I’m not lying, Shoto. Honestly.” You stammered, hoping he would not notice the fear trickling in your eyes. He did, though. Shoto noticed everything about you. One of the many things you despised about him.

The rest of super was ate in silence. As you have learned, this is never a good sign. When Shoto is quiet, he’s plotting. Usually, it’s your punishment. You can see it in his eyes and the subtle touches he does to you. All to make you feel uneasy. Just like he can read you, you are learning to read him just the same.

Once dinner was over, he gathered the dirty dinning wear and washed them. You remained in your chair until you are granted permission to stand up. Your heart is racing with anticipation. What is Shoto plotting? Especially for something as simple as lying.

“Y/N,” Shoto paused to make sure your attention was his. The hairs on the back of your neck are standing straight along with your body stiffening. You hear him walking towards you, his one cold hand and other warm one rest on your shoulders. “Go upstairs to our shared bedroom.”

“Y-Yes, Shoto.” You mumbled, scurrying up the steps like the good behave girl he taught you to be. If only your filthy little mouth could stop lying.

Shoto is quick to follow after your trembling body. His presence is swallowing you whole as he march up the stairs behind you. Your clammy palm turns the golden doorknob into the master bedroom. You immediately turn around, groping your butt in fear for what may happen to it.

Shoto shuts the door behind him, leaning against it with his arms folded. His face held its usual unamused look as he glares at you.

“I’m giving you one last chance to be honest with me, Y/N.”

“I-I have been honest a-all along, Shoto.” You argued. Shoto’s glare intensified.

“You were thinking about your family again, weren’t you?”

“What? No, I-“

“You’re just like your father.” Shoto scornfully chuckled, strolling towards you. His right hand folded around your neck, giving it a nice squeeze as he whispered in your ear, “and you know how much I truly despise your father.”

His hot breath seemed to linger on the shell of your ear. Your eyes harden as they meet his. His icy hand seemed to make this choking experience even worse. You would get frostbite if it gets any colder, but something in you snapped. You have not fought back in months. You became the submissive girl Shoto desperately wanted you to be yet you are still in the same position as many times before.

“You’re one to talk.” You choked out. The hold on your neck became stronger, circulation being lost to your organs. You are pushed onto the bed, Shoto’s muscular form on top of you.

“Don’t you ever compare me to that monster again, understand me?” Shoto growls as he watch you struggle beneath him. You started to turn pale as your body loses its natural color from lack of air flow. His hatred from his father and yours is taking over as you slowly start to become unconscious. He finally lets go.

You cough, grasping for air. It felt like there was not enough in there to supply your deprived body. Especially with Shoto’s suffocating presence on top of you.

“You have some real nerve talking to me like that, Y/N. When will you learn that your family is the true bad guys in the situation, not me. They screwed me over and I came for what they owed me. You’re just a pawn.”

“You’re lying..” You mumbled out in disbelief. Shoto’s devious grin just grew wider at the tears in your eyes.

“I’m not like your father.” Shoto spats, venom dripping from every wretched word. Your heart is aching and this only fuels the fire.

“Fuck you.” You hissed, warm tears streaming down your face. Shoto only chuckled at your mere offense.

“I plan on it.”

Your look of disgust was ignored as Shoto’s lips trailed from your neck to your lips. You forced yourself to kiss back. You always do. You two had sex plenty of times and sadly, you enjoyed it, but when it’s used for punishment or after he has tears down any sheer ounce of self esteem you possessed it is quite difficult to get in the mood.

“Why do you keep me here?” You finally breathe out as your lips disconnect. Shoto furrowed his eyebrows together.

“Because your family is dead.”

“I know that!” You exclaimed. Shoto is very intelligent, but someone who is also literal. He does not always catch onto what you’re actually trying to ask. “I mean, if I’m just some pawn, why keep me here? Why not let me have the same fate as my family?”

Shoto stayed silent. He pondered how he should answer this. He just started touching you outside of the bedroom a couple months ago. It even took him a long time to have sexual intercourse with you. He knows he could have killed you off. He is sure of it. You have been a pain in his ass since he collected you for payment yet you’re still here.

“I don’t know.” Shoto answered, truthfully.

You sigh. You are not sure what answer you were expecting, but knowing where this is leading does not make you feel any better about yourself. You just feel more used.

Silence over fell you two. Shoto is in deep thought as so are you. You are worried that your days are numbered now, but Shoto was not even thinking about that. He is more thinking of himself and how he can’t murder you. He actually likes having you around. He may never say it and his facial features will never show it, but with you by his side, his frozen heart starts to thaw. Just by your simple glimpses and touches.

Part of him hated you for that.

“Shoto,” you whisper, catching his attention. You made yourself look away. You have so many conflicting thoughts. Shoto is all you have now and in all honesty, you have grown not to hate the guy. You love the soft touches and the way he keeps you warm at night. He is so observant of the slightest of things. That’s more than your family has ever given you.

Your right hand cupped his cheek. He seemed slightly tense by the action, but he instantly fell into your touch. Your thumb grazed his cheek.

“I-I,” you meet his gaze, “I enjoy your company.” You admit. Shoto kept silent, but your words meant something to him. You both are not good with this kind of stuff. You were never taught it. This is the closest thing you two will ever get to ‘I love you.’

Your lips connected once again. During the process, each one of your articles of clothing was discarded to the ground below. Shoto kissed down your exposed breast, stomach, and finally stopped at your pussy. He swiped his tongue between your folds sending chills down your spine along with needy moans escaping your parted lips.

“Shoto, please.“ You whined, wanting him to make you soaked already, but you are on Shoto’s terms. He gets to decide everything.

Luckily, he did not make you wait long as tongue swirled on your sensitive clit. Your legs rested on his shoulders as he devoured you. Small groans is all Shoto could do as his tongue explored every inch of your pussy. Not a spot was missed nor would he allow there to be. Your clit was being the most spoiled. Your entrance was then meet shortly after. You did your best to conceal your sweet melodies of pleasure, but Shoto is not allowing you to do so.

“You have a voice for a reason. Use it.” He orders in a low growl amongst your cunt.

“Shoto,” you sob, “I’m about to cum. Please.”

You arched your back as your cunt was about to release. Shoto sped up the pace, helping you meet your climax even sooner. On que, you sing sweet little melodies of moans as you release into the man’s mouth. Every drop was swallowed by him.

Shoto stood up, grabbing your hips to pull you closer to the edge of the bed. “Keep your eyes on me at all times. Understood?”

You nod, eagerly. “Yes, Shoto.”

Shoto aligned his erection with your weeping entrance. Shortly after, your walls are hugging his length as it dives deeper and deeper into you. Each thrust loosened you even more and he kept a steady pace. You gripped the expensive European satin bedsheets as you babbled incoherent words and phrases. You kept your eyes locked on Shoto the whole time just like he ordered.

“Shoto.” You finally moan aloud as his dick is inside of you.

“Yeah, you like that, baby?” He groans. Your crying cunt was dripping with your slick onto the fabric of the bed and on Shoto’s cock.

“Yes.” You manage to blurt out as you gasp for more. His cock felt amazing no matter how much you wanted to hate him for it. This is one of the ways he shows affection. You learned to accept that.

Shoto’s hands find their way to your bouncing titties. The difference between temperatures sent your body into overdrive. He loved seeing the lewd faces you make as he used his power to pleasure you. Shoto’s dick did not stop thrusting into you through this process either though it is twitching.

Pre-cum leaks into your cunt. Shoto removes his hands from your breast as he picks up the pace. His knees start to buckle beneath him as cum flows from his cock. Every drop is milked from him until he pulls outs.

This is his way of saying ‘I love you.’

©bakugosbratx

All Rights Reserved

[vixenpen]

Just Relax For Me, OK? (Scumbag! Hawks x (f) Reader)

(Hoevember Day 10 Free Day)

(Trigger warnings: coercion, power dynamics, manipulation)

(Art by: @kadeart)

He requested me specifically. Not ‘his people’ or his management; Hawks requested me out of all the candidates.

The very thought had you shook. You had only answered the ad seeking ‘new talent’ on a total whim not expecting to get it. Yes, You were cute in your opinion, but you didn’t think you were exceptional or exceptionally lucky enough to get the call back. Yet the email lingered at the back of your mind.

Y/n-San, I hope this email finds you well (although I guess the email doesn’t have a choice, now does it? 😂)

I was impressed with your headshots, and I think you would be perfect for the shoot. If interested respond as soon as possible.

Best,

Hawks

The man had sent you a personal email. He had invited you to be his leading lady himself. You nearly fainted when you got the email. Needless to say after an hour of research to ensure it wasn’t a joke or a scam you promptly emailed back to accept.

That was what led you here: Room 1 on the tenth floor. You were about to have a Photoshoot with the number two hero.

It felt surreal when you finally knocked on the door, but you sobered you quickly when a deep, playful voice sang back: “Come innn.”

A pair of lazy golden eyes sparkled at you as you entered. His deep red wings flexed as he gave a slow, smile.

“Hey there, kid.” He stood.

Your eyes widened. You had never seen him in civilian clothes. He had a little bit more muscle on him than you realized. He was by no means a big man, but he was fit and toned. Lithe muscles flexed beneath his Brooks Brother’s button down shirt, and his large hands were stuffed into his khaki trousers.

You were so taken aback by his casual appearance that you didn’t even notice the way his amber gaze caressed your curves, slowly and appreciatively.

“Enjoying the scenery?” He asked, laughter lacing his tone. “I know I sure am.”

The comment snapped you out of your trance.

“Oh! Gosh I’m sorry. I’ve just never seen you outside of your hero costume much, it’s...different. I mean you look amazing! You always do but—“

Shut up, y/n, just shut the fuck up.

So you snapped your mouth shut while the blonde man threw his head back and laughed. He gave you the sexiest smise (smile eyes) you’d ever had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of. Then He stepped closer, closing the space between you two.

“Well, I’m glad my leading lady approves.” He hummed.

Get your thoughts together, girl.

“Of course. But I was wondering, where is everyone else?”

“Well considering I set up this little meeting two days ahead of time I’m going to assume they’re all at their respective houses.”

“Two days?! Wait so the shoot—“

“Is two days from now. Ain’t I little shit?” He laughed. It was a bright, full sound that made the corner of his eyes crinkle, and despite your own confusion, you couldn’t help, but chuckle too.

“I would say; a lovable scamp,” you joked. “But, why would you ask me to come if it was just going to be the two of us.?“

The blonde fought against a smirk. It was cute how naive you were. It was a good thing Hawks had scooped your fine ass up out of the pile of headshots. Clearly, you were going to need his guidance.

“To help ease your mind a little, y/n. You’re new to all this, right?” He gestured around the studio.

“Uhh, yeah, I am.”

“I can’t imagine shooting an ad with a pro hero as your first job is easy on your nerves.” He gave you a little pouty little smile. Jesus this man was pretty.

You giggled nervously. “The number two pro in Japan at that, sir.”

“Eh,” he gave a dismissive little wave. “Whose counting?” Then he reached out to give your arms a gentle squeeze, his eyes pierced yours, fixing you in place, and you gasped a bit. It wasn’t a predatory look, but it was intense and demanding of your full attention.

“The important thing, kid, is that you’re comfortable with me. Understand?”

Flabbergasted, you nodded. It seemed to appease the avian hero because his serious expression melted into a friendly smile.

“Good, besides, I don’t bite...unless you ask me to, that is.” He added in a low voice.

Despite the friendliness in his face, something about the comment made your sex heat up for just a moment. But you didn’t have time to dawdle on that, before Hawks led you to one of the red couches in the room.

“Come on, let’s chat. I just wanna see where your head is at, Little Birdie, make sure you can really handle yourself in front of a camera.”

Your heart hammered at the nick name. “That’s sweet of you, I appreciate it.”

Hawks smiled. “So did you always wanna be a model?”

“No. I wanted to be a university student, but school is expensive and...well...money is hard to keep with the way things cost now a days.” You explained with a shrug. “But Jesus, I’m so excited! I can’t believe I’m getting to meet my idol,” you gushed, “I’ve seriously been a fan of you forever, and—oh, I’m gushing, aren’t I?” You frowned. “I’m so sorry.”

The blonde just chuckled, propping an arm up on the couch around you.

“It’s alright, y/n, I picked you out of all the other girls that entered.” He cocked a brow in a cheeky little smirk. “You could say I’m a fan of you too.” He placed his free hand on your knee and gave it a squeeze. “You’re gonna be amazing at this.” His fingers trailed up your thigh a bit before stopping.

Your wings gave an involuntary twitch at his praise.

“And those,” he nodded towards the appendages, “are going to photograph beautifully.”

“I don’t know about all that,” you shrugged, laughing a little, “but I’m gonna try my best.”

“Uh Uh,” he gave your knee a little shove, “you’re going to be the best. Here, stand up,”

Puzzled, you looked at his outstretched hand before grabbing it. He pulled you to your feet. You heart revved as he pulled you flush against his chest, and kept an arm wrapped around your waist.

“I’m gonna show you what I see when I look at you, y/n, and what the camera is gonna see as well. Are you wearing anything underneath this?” He asked.

“Excuse me?” Your cheeks burned. “Why?!”

He gave you an amused look as if you’d asked something ridiculous.

“Because, this is going to be a lingerie shoot, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable if you’re naked under this.”

“Oh...I—yes I am.”

Of course you knew this shoot called for lingerie. The shoot had specified ‘intimate.’ Why were you so shocked?

Quit being such a head case in front of him!

“Take off your clothes, Little Birdie.” He directed.

You paused.

Hawks must have sensed your hesitation because he let out another breezy laugh and added: “if it makes you feel any better, I’ll do the same, look.”

Once again that arresting look of his held you hostage. He kept his hooded eyes on you as he unbuttoned his shirt, slowly slipping it off. He was definitely more muscular than you had originally realized.

Your eyes slid down to where his hands had begun unfastening his belt. It clanked as it collapsed to the ground. He didn’t take off his pants fully, but they now sat low on his trim hips exposing a dark blonde happy trail, and a v-cut that disappeared into a pair of red boxer briefs.

The avian licked his lips. There was a cocky gleam in his eye as he watched you drink in his body shamelessly.

“Your turn, Little Birdie.” He coaxed.

Well, if Hawks could do it, you could too, right?

So you eased out of your tank top and slipped off your jeans, exposing your barely covered flesh in the strappy black and red silk lingerie.

Hawks let out a satisfied; “Mmm,” as his eyes swept over you. “Perfect. Come on, let me show you something.”

He led you to the white backdrop surrounded by studio lights and camera; guiding you to stand on a black X directly in front of a camera.

He sidled you behind you, keeping his strong arms around your waist, then he gently folded your body forward.

Oh...this is...what is this?

As you struggled to formulate coherent thoughts, you felt the man’s soft lips against your ear. There was amusement in his voice as he mumbled: “I feel that heart of yours going a mile a minute, baby bird,” he chuckled. “Relax mama. I got you, ok?”

Your eyes fluttered shut as his low, soothing voice rolled down your spine. You slowed your breathing.

“I know it’s nerve wracking, baby bird,” he hummed in your ear. “Imma take care of you, though, ok?”

His hands were warm and rough and sliding along your supple skin. He pulled your hips towards his, grinding you into his crotch. Your wings twitched involuntarily. Hawks sighed

“Shit,” you whispered, as your ass pressed into his groin.

He felt so good. So strong and self assured.

“That’s it, Angel.” He practically purred. “Just relax, babe. I wanted you for this,” his fingers trailed up your stomach. From the corner of your eye, you see his red wings wrap around you.

His lips were pressing into your neck now.

“You’re so beautiful. If you‘re not feeling your sexy self by the time we shoot tomorrow I’m gonna make you feel it.”

His fingers were caressing the undersides of your breasts now, teasing at their softness.

“Hawks,” you gulped, “are you sure...it’s ok to be doing this? I don’t know how I feel about this.”

“Aww,” he tilted your face towards his own with a soft touch. “Of course it’s ok, beautiful. We’re just practicing, yeah?”

“But...it doesn’t feel like...like...”

“Like what, baby bird?” His wings fanned the air lazily as they cacooned you both. “Like practice? Oh but it is.”

He clutched your hand and slid it up between your breasts, his much larger one engulfed it. “Feel how your heart beat has slowed? Hm? The way your breath has evened out. You’re so much more relaxed now, aren’t you?”

“Yesss,” you sighed, but honestly it was because you were so turned on.

His clothed knee pried it’s way between your legs slightly, giving your burning sex something to grind on.

“See? I knew you could do it.” He smiled. “If you’re going to be a model, you have to know how to be cool under any circumstance, you know? For example. If the director wants us to get a little more Intimate, like this,” his long fingers dipped below your skimpy panties and brushed just above your clit. “You’ll have to keep calm and let me, won’t you?”

“I—I guess so, but,” you bit your lip and moaned as Hawks suddenly pressed his knee harder against your cunt.

“And when they tell you to touch me, like this,” his other hand reached around to wrap your fingers around the erection poking through his pants. You could feel a damp spot from the Pre that had leaked through.

“Would...would they really expect all this?” You asked. This felt so...wrong? But fuck did it feel good.

“Of course, Baby, it’s all apart of the job. That’s why what we’re doing is so important.”

Without warning, his fingers dipped between the soaked lips of your sex, breaking the quiet intimacy as you moaned with sudden pleasure.

“Fuck,” Hawks groaned. His fingers swam in your tight, wet cunt, flexing for that perfect spot. “Feels good doesn’t it, baby bird?“

Your pussy smacked from the three long digits plunging into it and every time Hawks worked his fingers your round ass grinded against his flexing dick.

“This, Hawksss-ah fuck!—this-we shouldn’t be doing this...”

“Oh, Angel,” he cooed, “it’s alright. You want this job, don’t you?”

“Yesss,” you groaned. “Yes I do.”

“It’s an amazing opportunity isn’t it?”

“It is.” You squeezed his manhood as his thumb began to press your clit. The pleasure spiking through out your body made your wings twitch against his hard, bare chest.

He moaned. “Working with me could lead to many more opportunities, Little Birdie, so long as you learn how to go with the flow. Understand?”

Swallowing hard you nodded.

“Good girl. I’m gonna take care of you, baby bird. Tomorrow and every shoot afterward.”

There was something smug in his heady voice, he spun you to face him, and two vermillion feathers detached from his wings. Your eyes followed them as they hooked into the hem of your panties and slid them down.

“Wait—Hawks. Do you expect me to—“

“I expect you to be professional, Baby bird.” He cut in, hands squeezing and massaging your thick ass. Without warning he scooped your body up and had your thighs around his waist. “You’re going to be a good little leading lady, aren’t you?” He smirked.

You fingers dug into the skin surrounding his wing joints as you held on. Your eyes were wide with surprise and hazy with desire. Fuck! you wanted this man, but this was a lot—even for you.

“I do want to do a good job.” You agreed.

“Oh you will, baby.” He lowered you against his straining dick.

“Fuck...” your head snapped back.

One hand remained on your ass cheek while another slid up below your wings, the pad of his thumb circled the skin there making you coo in satisfaction.

“God damn, Birdie. I promise, this is going to open doors for you.”

He was lowering you again, this time you felt the tip of him press between your folds.

“Wouldn’t you like that? To work for me? To be my go-to girl. My little muse?”

His wings stretched wide, catching the bright studio lights in your periphery. Your gaze, however, remained on those smoldering golden irises with their slitted black pupils.

“I would like that, Hawks.” You whispered back, your fingers stroked his feathery blonde hair.

“Ohhh,” he groaned out as he slipped your juicy pussy down on his length. “I bet you would like that, Birdie.” His wings flapped as you cried out in ecstasy.

The lights became blurred as your eyes screwed shut, and then you were in the air. Hawks held your ass firm in both hands. Every flap of his wings made you bounce along his thick member and sent delicious ecstasy shooting through your body.

Behind you, your own wings were flapping as well, as if trying to match his pace. He was gazing at you with a mix of lust and admiration.

“God, you’re fucking sexy. You’re gonna be my little muse—my little love bird, aren’t you? I’ll mold you into the perfect model. Fuckkk!”

He sighed at the feeling of your walls squeezing him. He knew you would feel amazing. The minute he saw those headshots, he knew he had to have you in more ways than one. His sharp canines found your neck and bit into the flesh.

“H-Hawks!”

“Don’t worry, baby, we’ll cover it tomorrow. I’m going to take care of everything for my little muse. Fuck! Ahh god, you feel fuuucking good.”

His balls smacked against you. The friction of his pelvis brushed against your swollen clit making your cunt convulse in pleasure. Ecstasy kept crashing over you in shock waves.

“Ohh fuck, Hawks, god-ahhh-shii!”

Your pussy creamed around the hard dick pummeling into it.

“Yeah, my little model. Pretty, little birdie.” He praised.

His wings seemed to work faster and harder making you bounce even harder. Hawks caught one of your hard nipples in between his teeth, tongue slipping around the bumpy areolas and flicking the bud.

“Oh my godddd, oh my fuck—“

Your pussy flexed around his dick as your orgasm washed over you.

“Shhh fuccckkk yes, y/n!” The blonde cried out, feeling your nails dig into the skin of his back.

You were no longer forming words as Hawks continued to bounce you on his twitching cock, sinking a finger into your asshole and adding more pressure. Another orgasm exploded over you. He kept bouncing you, his blonde bangs plastered to his sweat slicked forehead.

“I’m gonna fucking cum,” he mumbled against your neck. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

You heard a couple studio lights topple over as his wings worked even harder towards his release, and when he came he came hard and hot and heavy.

His whole body tensed with the action and his head flung back. Christ. He was beautiful.

Slowly, he lowered the pair of you back on to the ground, still holding on to you.

Your mind was still swimming as Hawks pressed kisses up your throat until he reached your lips. Then he smirked.

“My little muse,” he mumbled between kisses, “I’m gonna mold you into the perfect little model. Promise.”

[courageous-she]

Extracurricular- Charlie Gillespie

Teacher!Reader x MusicTeacher!Charlie

Word Count: 2707

Author’s Note: Hi everyone! Just wanted to say thank you for all the love on “Needing You”! I wrote this up, a little self-indulgently, but hope that some of you will find some enjoyment from it!

It had always been your dream to be an elementary school teacher. For as long as you could remember, you would play school with your American Girl Dolls or stuffed animals as your students. When the time came for college, you’d picked a program that would allow you to get your Master’s quickly. After student teaching and some substituting, you finally had your own fourth grade classroom.

You hadn’t been at your school long, seeing as it was only October, but you’d been there long enough to meet some of the other teachers. You got along well with your team teachers, and even made a few teacher friends you could hang out outside of school with.

It was a Wednesday and for some reason your students had more energy than normal, and it was taking a toll on you. Luckily, they had Music in a few minutes, so you decided to end the lesson early and have them start getting ready for the special. They were quiet in the hallway, giving you a quick break before dropping them off at the music room.

“Hey, fourth grade!” the music teacher, Mr. G said with enthusiasm as your class approached. You students began to file into the classroom, high-fiving or fist bumping Mr. G as they passed. “Hey Ms. Y/L/N.” Mr. G said more softly to you.

“Hi Mr. G. They’re a little more energetic than normal today.” You said, providing a well needed update on the class. Mr. G smiled, chuckling lightly at the statement.

“Nothing I can’t handle I’m sure.” There was a short pause before he continued, “Got any plans this weekend?” he asked you. This weekend was Halloween and you wanted nothing more than to spend it on your couch with a bottle of wine.

“I was just going to drink some wine and watch a movie.” You replied honestly, “Why? Have something in mind?” It wasn’t unusual for Mr. G, or you could probably call him Charlie, to ask you about your plans. A little harmless flirting was normal between the two of you seeing as you were the only two 20 something teachers in the school.

“I had about the same idea in mind. Would you maybe want to drink wine and watch a movie together?” He asked, a smirk playing on his face. As you were about to respond, one of your students came over and grabbed Charlie by the hand, tugging him into the classroom. You smiled and let him know that you would text him before letting him go to teach the class.

You: 7:00 my place?

You sent the text to Charlie, having had his number from staff meetings. The two of you liked to text during the meetings instead of actually paying attention. You didn’t expect a response right away anyway considering he was teaching your students. You took the 40 minutes your kids were at music to sit in the quiet and grade some classwork.

When you went to pick your class up, Charlie was waiting by the door, your class lined up behind him.

“7:00 sounds perfect. I’ll bring the refreshments” he said quiet enough so the class didn’t hear.

“I’ll text you my address” you said, smiling, “Alright friends, what do you say to Mr. G?” you asked, addressing your class.

“Thank you, Mr. G!” rang out in unison by your students.

“Bye guys! See you later!” Charlie waved, again high-fiving some kids on their way out. You turned around as your class walked to the end of the hall and Charlie shot you a quick wink before heading back into his classroom. Friday night couldn’t come soon enough.

*****

When Friday night finally did come, Charlie texted you around dismissal to make sure your plans were still on.

You: Definitely! But I hope you know I will be in my baggiest of sweatpants

Charlie: Glad we’re on the same page, I don’t wear real clothes outside of school, its sacrilegious

You chuckled at the text, making sure to send Charlie your address and apartment number. Your students filed out one-by-one until it was only you left in the classroom. You made sure to shut down everything and turn off the lights before making the quick trip to your car.

Once home, you threw your work clothes into your hamper and got into your designated sweatpants. Knowing that you were having company later encouraged you to give your apartment a good clean, something you hadn’t been motivated to do recently. You lived alone, but you preferred it that way. Sometimes after a long day of school it was just easier to come home and not have to talk to anyone about your day.

Soon enough, the buzzer in your apartment was ringing signaling that Charlie was downstairs waiting to be let up. You pressed the button to unlock the main door and waited by your front door for his knock. When it came, you opened the door to see Charlie carrying a large pizza, a bottle of wine, and bag of Halloween candy.

“You came prepared Gillespie” you said, taking some of the items from his hands. He kicked his shoes off by the door before following you into the small living room. You set the items down on the coffee table before getting comfortable on the couch, Charlie following suit next to you.

“I told you I’d bring the refreshments, didn’t I?” He asked, pulling a corner of your blanket over his legs. You laughed, grabbing the remote and turning the tv on. Once the Netflix screen showed, you passed the remote to Charlie who gave you a confused look.

“I can’t decide on movies for the life of me, so this one’s on you” you said, opening the pizza box and grabbing a slice. You ate and watched as Charlie flipped through the movies, settling on a horror film. “Should have guessed you’d try to kill me tonight” you laughed.

“Hey, when you put me in charge of the movie, you can’t complain about what I pick” Charlie laughed, opening the bottle of wine.

“Oh! Let me get us some glasses,” you said, starting to remove the blanket from your lap. Charlie’s hand stopped you from getting any further.

“I’m fine with drinking out of the bottle if you are…” he suggested. You shrugged, not really caring about sharing the bottle with him. The two of you settled into the couch, eating pizza and sharing the bottle of wine. You definitely jumped at some parts in the movie and Charlie laughed at you each time.

About halfway through the movie, the both of you had finished eating and were now resting comfortably on the couch. However, the movie only began to get scarier as a really gory part showed on the screen. You jolted with surprise and shoved your face into Charlie’s neck, hand gripping the shirt material on his chest. 

“You can’t really be scared of this!” Charlie laughed.

“Of course, I’m scared!” you replied, voice muffled by his skin. Charlie only chuckled and wrapped his arms around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him.

“Don’t go in there!” you shouted a few moments later to the girl in the movie.

“Of course, she’s going to go in there!” Charlie retorted, “it’d be no fun if she didn’t”

“Who said any of this was fun” you replied, getting ready to hide your face against Charlie again, “I can’t watch.” Again, Charlie pulled you closer, protecting you from the demons on the screen.

As the movie ended, you let out a sigh of relief. You quickly stood and made your way over to your fridge, pulling out another bottle of wine. 

“After that movie, I need more of this, and a new movie to forget that one”

“I’m down for another movie. But you’re choosing it this time” Charlie said, grabbing the bottle from you and taking a sip. As you scrolled through the choices, you landed on one that had made you cry the first time you watched it.

“Okay, Gillespie.” You said, selecting the movie and hitting play, “Time to see you cry”

“Oh, I don’t cry” Charlie said, a smirk on his face. You made a “let’s see about that” face and the two of you settled in to watch the movie.

As the sad part began to get more intense, you stole a glance over at Charlie. You could see tears slowly cascading down his cheeks. 

“I thought you said you didn’t cry” you joked, pushing on his shoulder with your own. Taken aback by the fact that you’d noticed him, Charlie quickly began to wipe the tears from his face.

“I’m not crying, my eyes are sweating.” He replied.

“Sure, tough guy. Don’t worry about it, crying is manly” you said, leaning into his side. He chuckled at you before pulling you closer to finish the movie.

*****

Two movies and two bottles of wine later, you stood to throw out the empty pizza box and candy wrappers.

“Shit, I didn’t realize how late it was. I should get going” Charlie said, looking at the time on his phone.

“You’ve been drinking, Charlie, probably not the best idea to drive right now” you said, holding up the two empty wine bottles. Charlie gave you a knowing look.

“Let me see if my roommate is still awake, maybe he can come grab me” But before you could even let Charlie unlock his phone to text his roommate, you blurted out a proposition.

“Or you could just spend the night here” You stared at Charlie, shocked the sentence even left your mouth. It was probably the alcohol that helped. Charlie looked at you, making sure he heard correctly.

“I mean, if you’re cool with me crashing on your couch…” he spoke slowly.

“Oh no, you can’t sleep on that. It may be good for sitting but if you sleep on it, you’ll wake up with a broken back. My bed is big enough, we can share…. If you’re okay with that” you quickly added. Charlie mumbled a quiet ‘yeah’ before helping you clean up the rest of the mess. As you made your way into your room, you turned on your bathroom light. “I have an extra toothbrush you can use,” you said, handing Charlie the blue toothbrush.

The two of you stood side by side in the bathroom, looking at each other in the mirror while brushing your teeth. As Charlie finished, he made his way back into your room while you took a moment to wash your face. When you walked back into your room, Charlie was sitting on the edge of your bed scrolling through his phone.

“You didn’t have to wait for me to get in bed” you laughed. Charlie sheepishly looked up at you, locking his phone and putting in on the end table.

“Wasn’t sure what side of the bed you normally slept on” he replied. You went over to your side of the bed and got under the covers. Charlie followed suit on the opposite side of the bed. You clicked off your side lamp and turned to face Charlie.

“Sorry in advance if I kick you in my sleep” you said.

“If you kick me, we’re going to have a problem” Charlie laughed. It wasn’t long before the two of you dozed off comfortably facing each other.

*****

You woke up the next morning to your head resting on Charlie’s chest and his arms wrapped tightly around you. You laughed at the sleeping boy, noticing that he was no longer wearing a shirt. You tried to get out of bed without waking him, failing as his arm only wrapped tighter around you and a low groan came from the boy.

“Where’re you going?” he asked, voice low and eyes still closed.

“I was going to go make us some breakfast” you said. Charlie turned so his body was now facing yours, eyes still closed, and arms remaining around you.

“Five more minutes” he grumbled. “If you leave, I’ll be cold” he whined. You could only laugh.

“If I don’t get up, then you won’t have anything to eat in five minutes”

“I’ll buy us breakfast if you promise not to move” he said, voice low and soft. You replied with a quiet ‘okay’ and began to get comfortable.

“One thing though” you said, Charlie hummed in response, “When did you take your shirt off?”

“’mm like 2? Not sure, does it matter?” he asked. You mumbled a small ‘no’ not wanting to admit that you liked the feel of his warm skin against yours. You snuggled into him, hands reaching around and lightly dragging up and down his back. When you thought he’d fallen asleep, you let your hands stop, but when Charlie’s hand reached around to grab yours, mimicking your earlier motion, you continued.

You hadn’t realized that you’d fallen asleep, but you woke up in the same position, only this time Charlie’s fingers were lightly grazing up and down your back.

“Mornin’” he hummed, “Didn’t think you’d fall back asleep, did ya?” he teased. You lifted your eyes to meet his, taking in his bed head as well.

“Well, if you’d have let me get up the first time, I could have had breakfast ready for you” you mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

“Breakfast is ten minutes away” Charlie said, brushing your hair away from your face. You looked up at him, a little shocked he’d woken up and ordered breakfast. Your eyes met his and you watched as his fell to your lips. Your breath hitched and before you knew it, Charlie’s soft lips were on yours. 

It was gentle and quick, too quick if you were honest. But having kissed him once already now, you worked up the courage to kiss him again, this time taking the lead. You moved so that you were straddling him, his hands quickly finding a home on your hips, rubbing small circles on the skin under your shirt.

A moment later, you found yourself lying on your back, Charlie hovering over you. He only pulled away when his phone buzzed from next to you. He quickly checked his phone, looked at you, and placed a quick kiss on your cheek before getting up and pulling his sweatshirt on. Just as quickly as Charlie had gotten on top of you, he was off and out the door. 

Sliding out of bed, you threw on your sweatshirt and padded out to the kitchen. The front door opened and Charlie came in carrying two bags of food.

“What the hell did you order, Char?” you asked, grabbing a bag and beginning to open it. All kinds of breakfast foods laid out in front of you. Two arms landed their way on either side of you, locking you between him and the counter.

“Char?” he asked, voice low in your ear. Your face was warm as you turned around in the small space you had, noticing the smirk on the boy’s face. You weren’t sure how to respond, the nickname just kind of slipped out. But before you could respond, Charlie’s hand gently held your chin and his lips met yours once again. “Don’t worry” he said against your lips, “I like it”

He quickly lifted you onto the counter, slipping in between your legs and placing another kiss against your lips. The two of you stayed like that for a bit, tasting each of the foods that Charlie had ordered.

*****

As the two of you cleaned up the kitchen a little while later you asked, “So, am I going to have to compete for your attention at school?” Charlie gave you a confused look, not sure what you meant by that statement. “Considering how all the fourth and fifth grade girls have the biggest crushes on you?” you asked, a smile playing at your lips.

Charlie chuckled, coming over to rest his hands on your hips, forehead resting against your own. “You’re the only one who gets this kind of attention” he quietly said before placing a kiss on your lips. You smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for more.

[ramzawrites]

Prologue - Nature God!Reader - Learning how to fly

GN

Pairings: none

Characters included: DreamXD, Eret

Warnings: themes of abandonment

Series: Yes! Planned are at least two more chapters for now!

Summary: Y/N was a god. Just like their mother Demeter they are also responsible for nature, though Demeter neglected to teach them. So when their mother suddenly disappeared it was Y/N’s time to step up. Unfortunately DreamXD was there and his idea of teaching them on how to take care of the realm left them with more worry and fear.

Words count: 2322

Authors Note: Honestly I didn’t expect this to go this way! I wanted to jump straight into this but now I’m here with a prologue. I am only planning to write a few more chapters and this will mostly concentrate on Y/N talking with memebers of the dsmp and trying to give them a chance to heal. Even if all they can offer are words of encouragement. Maybe the others can do the same for them :]

This will probably end more open ended and is meant to be like a thing to write for me to explore characters and their pain when I feel like it

Special thanks to 🌱🌟 anon who let me use traits from his OC for the Reader!

The wind picked up. The flowers bending and pushing against Y/N’s body as they laid alone in the field. The petals softly petting the exposed skin. Caressing them and calming them down as choked sobs escaped their lips. The usual blooming flower crown on their head now brown and grey. All the color faded.

The sun was shining bright and yet the temperature suddenly dropped significantly. The air turning into a sorrowful howling. The leaves of the trees rustling, the sound of it crying out.

Something was wrong.

Something just vanished, no someone.

Someone important.

And Y/N felt it. It was like all the warmth in their body just disappeared. A hole in their heart. A love gone that should be there. Suddenly alone in a world that should yell out love to them. A world created for them but the soul of it just left.

Between the sobs, the cracking of the leaves and sound of the wind, there was a thud. Steps that scrunched up the grass and the few flowers that sadly grew in the wrong place.

The person who just appeared moved around Y/N. Standing next to them. His head moving above their body, casting a shadow on their face. Yet they refused to open their eyes and just kept on crying. Tears running down the side of the face into the grass. Breathing was difficult as they wept.

Y/N didn’t need to open their eyes to know who was standing above them. The aura alone gave them all the information they needed.

It was a cold aura, something foreign and yet it made them feel safe. Feel protected and seen.

There was only one with an aura like that. DreamXD. A fellow god. The only god Y/N knew besides their mother and themself.

“Y/N.” The End God spoke. His voice calm. Emotionless but with purpose. He wanted to talk.

Their body still shaking, Y/N sat up and begun rubbing the tears off their eyes. Opening them up to see DreamXD, his cracked porcelain face staring down at them at an angle. It surprised Y/N to see that his hood was down, which was a rarity for him.

“Uncle XD- I- She is-“

He nodded which stunned Y/N a bit. DreamXD wasn’t really experienced in emotions and the like but this felt, close. He sympathized.

“I know, Y/N. Demeter is- your mother is gone. Not dead but she will be gone for a while. I’m here to tell you that. I made her promise to tell you. To make sure you are alright. Teach you.”

For a moment Y/N just stared at their hands as they wrung them. Dropping them in their lap, tears still slipping down their cheeks. “I felt it.”

“I would be surprised if you hadn’t. It must feel horrible. The world, the nature already feels empty without Demeter but you must have felt it tenfold. I can see it on you.”

While Y/N suspected that DreamXD knew definitely more than he let on it also made them self-aware of their own situation. The flower crown on top of their head that decorated their hair was an extension of them. Their emotion on display via these flowers and right now they looked withered. Dead.

Y/N stood up in order to try to be more on the same eye level “What happened? Where is she? Where is my mother? Can I help her?”

It took a moment before DreamXD answered. It was difficult gauging what his thought process was even if Y/N was a fellow god, they always had problems with that. Demeter on the other hand could almost always tell what DreamXD was thinking about. Probably a result of them knowing each other for eons but Y/N only knew him for a few decades. They were a young god after all.

“She is-“ he paused “She is resting. After creating a miracle she never took the chance to rest. Now her body forced her to. Demeter will be back. It will take time but she will return.”

Apalled Y/N shook their head “What?! Uncle the realm needs her! Nature will wither without her! I need her! She is my mother! Why did she leave me alone! Why didn’t she tell me!”

While their first thoughts fell on the problem of; what happens to nature if the nature god disappears, their mind soon dove back on the fact that their mother was gone. Usually they were surrounded by her love but that just suddenly vanished and they didn’t know how to deal with the situation. Their mother was their everything.

For the first time in their life, they felt alone. Truly alone.

DreamXD shook his head “It was inevitable. That she didn’t tell you was her choice and I can’t say anything more about that but the realm will be fine. You are still here. A god like her. While she took on the responsibilities of caring for the realm on her own you two are connected. The powers she holds also flow through you. It is time you learn how to fly, little bird.”

Y/N’s hand flew towards their lower lip, nervously holding it between their fingers only to drop it again so they could talk “H-How? I’m sure you can feel it too! It’s empty! It’s like her soul left this place. She had such a good sense for everything. I don’t know what to do! I don’t have the same sense for the place that she had!”

They were rambling. This came out of nowhere. Demeter promised them that she would always be there for them. She promised to always be there and ease them into their shared responsibilities so how did it end up like this?

They just vanished without telling them anything. Just dropping them into the cold water and DreamXD probably knew everything but he wouldn’t tell Y/N and they knew they couldn’t get it out of him. He was known for being incredibly loyal and dutiful after all and if he promised Demeter not to tell Y/N then he won’t.

White hands came out of DreamXD’s cloak, moving slowly up and down as a sign for Y/N to calm down “You don’t have that sense yet because Demeter wanted to give you a life similar to that of a human. Therefore she neglected to teach you earlier in life and instead gave you a life close to that what she considered human.” There was some judgement in his voice “Now, the first thing you have to do is find a connection to the realm. The emptiness you feel? You have to fill that yourself.”

“How?”

“I think it is time you visited the place proper and not live in this pocket dimension created by your mother. Here, I’ll show you.”

He then stretched his hand out towards Y/N. It was weird having him here like this. Y/N liked him and saw him as their uncle but he was still a bit aloof at times. Whenever Y/N wanted to play games with him it took him a few moments until he understood what they wanted from him. But he was willing to learn and amuse them.

Y/N hesitated a bit before they put their hand into that of DreamXD’s but when they did they were a bit surprised with how warm they were.

DreamXD then used his free hand to open a portal up via a flourish of his hand. The portal seemed to be made out of liquid night sky. It moved and hummed full with energy.

That’s when it hit Y/N “I’m not ready. I can’t do this.”

“I’m sorry.”

And with that statement he just stepped through. His grip on Y/N strong and pulling them along into the cold liquid, if they liked it or not. They closed their eyes. Scared and still overwhelmed by the sudden emptiness their mother left behind.

It surprised them with how fast the coldness of the liquid passed. The emptiness that allowed them to travel between realms. They made it to the other side.

The birds sounded different. That was the first thing Y/N noticed before they opened their eyes. And as they stood there, eyes still closed DreamXD didn’t remove his hand. He held on.

After moments that felt like minutes Y/N opened up their eyes and looked around. The two stood on a mountain that gave them free view of what they would describe as a destroyed city. Holes as deep as they could be. Buildings half build and half destroyed. Remnants of places people obviously used to live in.

“What is that?” Y/N asked. Their voice weak and wavering. Either from nervousness or from the crying.

DreamXD turned to them “A place I have watched from time to time. Your mother too, though she watched more than she interacted. She was too busy with you to talk to them and here is the place where you will learn more about this world. The world we all help to keep up and protect. Our role as gods is to uphold the rules of this realm and sometimes sow seeds so it runs smoothly. We don’t sway the mortals. If they try to break our rules we will act but the mortals just live. That’s what they do.”

“I never- I don’t know what to do. Do I talk to them? How does that help me to connect with the nature? I don’t understand.”

“Look around. Demeter’s work is everywhere. The wood that their homes are built with. The crops that they need to survive. You can talk to them and see how they live and since your mother put so much emphasis on letting you live similar to them, maybe it will help you understand your mother better. I can help only so much. This is not my domain. It is somewhere else. Maybe I will see you one day there though I hope not.”

He wanted to remove his hand after his explanation but this time Y/N didn’t let go. Scared of him leaving. He was the only thing that was close to family.

“You can’t leave me. I wouldn’t even be able to go home. This is crazy!”

As a response DreamXD relaxed his hand and strengthened his grip again. His free hand went back into his cloak and came out with what looked like a green eye in his palm.

Y/N looked at it curiously and as DreamXD moved it closer to them they slowly moved their hand up to it. Their fingers carefully touching the cold, glassy looking eye. When DreamXD didn’t move the eye away from them, they carefully took it into theirs. Opening up their other hand to look and hold it between both of their hands.

“Put this on your clothes. This will let me see what you see. Hear what you hear. If you need me, call me.”

They just shook their head “Why? Why can’t you come with me? I’m scared, uncle.”

He sighed “I can’t really help you with this, besides, you are a god. There shouldn’t be a thing that can scare you. Your body and powers are that of a god but your mind is that of a human. Demeter tried raising you as one and it shows and she- She failed her own responsibilities and now we are here. I am sorry little bird but this is how you will learn to fly.”

Not even giving Y/N a chance to answer, he immediately moved his hand around and dove into the familiar black abyss that appeared. Y/N tried to follow him but the portal closed before they had the chance.

They felt absolutely alone beforehand but this? Stranded, alone and scared in a world they only heard stories from.

Y/N couldn’t help themself and dropped down on the ground. Once again crying. Tears streaming and in between sobs they yelled out for their mother and uncle. This felt so unfair. No, this was unfair!

Not only did their mother just disappear out of nowhere, dropping a huge responsibility in their lap but also DreamXD, whom they considered family as well, just stranded them out here.

Why? Why can’t they just continue living how they used to? Maybe Demeter would help them to work on their little home. Expand it or rearrange it. Together they would try to draw and laugh whenever something came out funny. Or Demeter would teach them everything and absolutely everything about a particular flower or animal.

Though Y/N’s favorite thing was always when Demeter would tell them of old stories of hers. Humans she has met over her lifetime. The humans that made her fall in love with the mortals so much. So much so that she gave her own child a human name and tried to give them a human life.

A god raised like a human. That was what Y/N was.

Overwhelmed by everything.

“Hey, are you alright? Can I help?” a deep voice suddenly appeared behind them.

When Y/N turned around their eyes fell on a person with fluffy hair and wearing sunglasses. A crown resting on the head. They also wore what Y/N suspected to be an old royal gown. It looked a bit dirty and battered. For some reason this made them sad. Instead of fear they felt sadness for the stranger though this soon switched back to fear when the person moved closer.

“I- I’m-“ Y/N begun to stutter out but their mind went blank.

Worried the human knelt down so they could see Y/N better and was on eye level.

“Hey, hey. It’s alright. I’m not going to do anything to you. What’s your name?” their voice was soothing. It also helped that they sounded genuine.

“Y/N. I’m- I don’t know where I am.”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. My name is Eret and you are at the remains of what used to be L’Manberg.”

[redux-iterum]

A Kindling: Chapter Two

(AO3 counterpart here.)

A mass of grey exploded from the brush. Before Rusty could so much as blink, he found himself thrown backwards. He landed on his side and rolled a little, grass and ferns and soil catching on his pelt.

Rusty wasted no time in getting to his feet, staring at the big grey tabby that stood across from him. He started to turn, but he was tackled again and knocked onto his back. The tabby loomed over him, bright yellow eyes alight with interest.

Rusty was small enough that he could reach with his back foot and kick the cat in their face. The tabby threw their head back with a noise of surprise and Rusty scrambled upwards again. This time, he didn’t try to run, except to stumble back a bit to give himself space and time to get a good look at his assailant.

This cat—a tom—was quite bigger than Rusty, and significantly furrier; it was hard to tell how much of his size was from his hair alone. His face was large but youthful, making Rusty blink as he realized that he might be around Rusty’s age—which was quite terrifying, given how massive the tom’s paws were. His eyes were the only brightly lit part of his face, and they oddly did not seem angry or even wary. If anything, he looked curious.

“St-stay back,” Rusty stammered anyway, as if he could pose a threat to this monolith. His back paws inched a step or two away. “I’m not here to cause trouble.”

The tabby blinked, and spoke in a much higher, younger voice than Rusty had expected. “Well, that’s obvious. Not that you could.”

Rusty stared. This cat was definitely his age, then. “I just- I was only following that animal, whatever it is.”

The bright eyes widened in shock and sparkled in amusement. “You don’t even know what you were hunting?”

“I…” Rusty’s head lowered and his shoulders hunched of their own accord, embarrassment warming his ears. “No.”

“Wooow,” the tabby said, sounding genuinely awed. “You kittypets really  are  sheltered. Even a kit knows what a mouse is.”

‘Mouse’, Rusty thought, even more embarrassed. He had heard the word before, but never had an image attached to it. Now it seemed painfully obvious that he had been after a mouse. His ears burned, sliding back to fold against his head.

Eager to get away from this feeling, he changed the topic. “What’s a kittypet?”

“Uh, you?” The tabby’s eyes scanned him with bafflement. “You live in those houses with the humans, right? You’ve got a collar.”

Rusty didn’t know how this cat managed to make having a collar sound scornful. “I-I do, yeah. I live with my human.”

“So you’re a kittypet.” The tabby gave a self-satisfactory nod. “And you really shouldn’t be on our territory, hunting our food. You’ve got food at home.”

“I do,” Rusty repeated, quieter. He wanted to huddle again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

The tabby eyed him doubtfully before abruptly turning his head back and calling into the woods, “Is that the answer you wanted, Bluestar?”

“More or less,” said someone else.

Rusty jolted upright as two cats, both even larger than the tabby, pushed out of the undergrowth. One of them was a dark red tom with white feet, and the other, the tallest of the three, was a magnificent blue-grey molly who only had to glance at Rusty to make him want to bow his head in respect. Both of them had long hair, like the tabby, and both of them had grave, hardened faces, though their eyes were alert and more youthful.

“I had been hoping to see more of a fight,” the molly said, her voice low and commanding, “but we can take it from here, Greypaw, thank you.”

The tabby—Greypaw, rather—immediately took several steps back to allow the older cats to approach Rusty. Rusty stood, frozen in place, as they moved forward with slow, deliberate, incredibly intimidating steps, until they were within a tail-length of him. The red tom tilted his head a little, quietly regarding Rusty.

The molly looked down at Rusty. “Hello, Rusty. I am Bluestar.”

Rusty swallowed, too nervous to wonder where she got his name. “Hello.”

Bluestar had to have noticed his nervousness, because her tone softened a little. “I’m the leader of ThunderClan, the Clan that owns this forest.”

So they are real, Rusty thought, eyes wide.

“This—” Bluestar nodded to the tom “—is Redtail, and you know Greypaw already. We’ve come to speak with you tonight.”

Rusty blinked. “M-me? Why?”

Redtail spoke now, and his voice was much warmer, easing Rusty’s anxiety a little. “We’ve noticed you for a while now, staring into our woods since you came to live with the humans. We actually expected that you would wander past the border someday. It was a lucky coincidence that we decided to talk to you tonight, just as you trespassed.”

“Oh.” Rusty lowered his chin a little, embarrassed again. “I didn’t realize this wasn’t a place I could explore. I mean, I heard you chase house cats away, but I just… I was too curious, and my friend—”

Bluestar cleared her throat quietly and Rusty immediately clamped his mouth shut. “You don’t need to make excuses, Rusty. We’re not upset with you.”

Somehow, that didn’t make him feel any more relieved.

“We had Greypaw attack you to see how you’d react,” she said. “And while you’re not exactly strong, you were honorable about coming here uninvited, and we respect that.”

Redtail suddenly walked forward and began circling Rusty, sniffing him. He and his tail were long enough that they formed a complete ring around Rusty. He stayed perfectly still, keeping his eyes on Bluestar, having a feeling that that was the correct choice.

“Now let me ask you…” Bluestar’s head tipped to one side just a fraction as she appraised the little house cat. “Are you satisfied with your life as a kittypet? Are you content to live in a house, wearing a collar, eating those pellets forever?”

Rusty blinked, caught off-guard by the sudden questions. “It’s- it’s been pretty boring, honestly. I…”

He trailed off, unsure of where to go with this.

Bluestar nodded with a subtle sense of encouragement. “Go ahead. How do you feel being a kittypet?”

Rusty took a moment to gather his thoughts before continuing. “I guess I would say that it feels… easy. Which, I don’t think that’s a bad thing for some, but I’m always bored when I’m home. If- well, if you  have been watching me, you must have seen me going into everybody else’s yards. I irritate some of my neighbors, and I don’t mean to, but I can’t help it. Just staying inside, or in my own yard, I get restless. The only reason I haven’t come here before is because of the rumors about you. That you chase off strangers, and things like that.”

He happened to glance at Greypaw, who was now much closer, like he had been sneaking up to listen in better. The tom seemed quite intrigued by Rusty’s speech—almost eager, if Rusty wasn’t mistaken. For what, though, he wasn’t sure.

Bluestar spoke again and Rusty immediately returned his attention to her. “Then you would leave your kittypet life, if you think you could.”

Rusty considered this idea for a few heartbeats, then nodded. “I would. My friend would think I’m crazy, but I’d love to see what else is out there. I just don’t know if I can.”

Redtail paused as he came around to Rusty’s head and silently caught his eyes. He looked pleased. “I think you can,  chrii, if you really want to.”

“Then you agree?” Bluestar said to him.

Redtail nodded. “It’s worth a try.”

“Very good.” Bluestar turned back to Rusty. “Then we have an offer for you.”

Rusty held his breath without quite knowing why.

“If you  are  willing to leave your kittypet life behind,” Bluestar said, lowering her head a little to meet Rusty’s eye level, “and if you are willing to work hard and learn our ways, ThunderClan would be interested in having you join us.”

Rusty’s eyes widened. Something in his chest flared to life in a way he had not felt before. “Me? T-to be a Clan cat?”

“That’s right.” Bluestar met his eyes with a pale, serious stare. “I will warn you now—Clan life is not for everyone. You will need to hunt for food, and defend our borders, and live with many other cats who may not all like you at first. You’d have to change your name to something like our names. We don’t have your human healing powers out here. You could get sick or injured, and you won’t have the humans as an option for help.”

“And we have a Code we live by,” Redtail added, also looking Rusty in the eye—though his gaze was much less intimidating. “You’ll have to follow our rules and obey your superiors. And, most importantly, you can’t come back to your human for any reason.”

Rusty blinked. “Why not?”

“We stay away from humans,” Redtail said. “We don’t take food from them, we don’t play with their cats, and we don’t go into the Houses unless we’re forced to. We take care of ourselves.”

“That means that you would have to say goodbye to your friend.” Bluestar caught Rusty’s attention now. “You won’t be able to go to his home and play with him anymore.”

A great deal of these warnings, oddly, did not bother Rusty, but as soon as this last condition was given, he hesitated. “…Could I at least talk to him?”

“No,” Bluestar said. “If you are one of us, you don’t talk to kittypets.”

Rusty’s eyes lowered to the ground. Losing all contact with Smudge was a hefty price for…

“It sounds like a really difficult life,” he said, looking back up at Bluestar. “Is it  all that bad?”

Bluestar’s eyes crinkled, surprisingly humorous. “No, of course not. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be doing it.”

“Being a Clan cat is great!” Greypaw burst out. His huge paws almost tripped over each other as he closed the distance between him and the rest of the group. “We eat real food, and we have the forest all to ourselves, and we’re so strong we scare all the cats in the  Aulmir  and Houses, and we—”

“Greypaw,” Redtail said patiently.

Greypaw’s ears went down, but he didn’t fully deflate. “Sorry. I just think he’d really like it.”

“I do too.” Redtail looked at Rusty. “Being part of ThunderClan means you’re courageous and powerful. You have a community who will fight to the death to protect you from any danger.”

“Even at first?” Rusty asked.

“Even at first,” Redtail affirmed. “We have our great wide forest, and we still travel to different places and meet with different cats—the other Clans that live nearby. You’ll get to learn a great deal of new things, all the while living a real life, running and climbing and hunting.” He cocked his head to the side almost fondly. “And we have many stories to share with you. I think you’d be interested in those.”

“What do you think, Rusty?” Bluestar said.

All three ThunderClan cats watched him expectantly as he focused hard, considering his options. Exploring, hunting mice, meeting new cats: it all sounded exciting. He didn’t mind the work that would come with being feral, if he had those cats that could support him while he learned their ways. He didn’t even really mind the idea of changing his name.

But the risk of getting hurt or sick, having to abandon Smudge, and the warning that he might not be welcomed initially…

He looked at Bluestar. “I don’t know what to do. It’s a lot to think about.”

“That’s alright.” Bluestar straightened up again, returning to her businesslike posture. “I know it’s a big change from what you’re used to. We can give you two days to think about it. The night after tomorrow, there will be two warriors waiting for you at the edge of this forest. You can give them your answer. If you decide to join us, they’ll take you to our camp.”

“And that’ll be it?” Rusty asked.

“No more kittypet business,” Redtail said. “You’ll give all that up if you say yes.”

“Huh.” Rusty’s eyes returned to the ground as he considered this. He nodded slowly. “I would like to think it over, if that’s okay.”

“That’s why we offered it.” Redtail gave him a friendly tap on his back with his enormously fluffy tail. “I hope to see you in our camp soon, Rusty. Until then, I think it’s time for you to go home.”

“We do have a patrol to continue,” Bluestar said, not too unkindly. “Consider things carefully, Rusty. It’s all or nothing. If you say no, you aren’t welcome back in this forest.”

Rusty was a little worried by that last note, but he said, “Okay. Thank you, Bluestar. For the offer. Regardless of what I say.”

Bluestar looked down on him, but with approval in her eyes. “We’ll see you soon.”

With that, she jerked her head to the side and Greypaw approached, nosing Rusty’s shoulder and almost knocking him over. “Come on, I’ll take you back to the border.”

Rusty cleared his throat and dipped his head respectfully to Bluestar and Redtail before hurrying after the departing Greypaw. When he caught up, he opened his mouth to ask a question, but Greypaw spoke first.

“It’d be cool if you joined us,” he said. “You seem nice. And the other apprentices are either too shy or too up their own prats to hang out. I’ll help you learn the trade, if you come back.”

Rusty blinked, surprised by the offer. “Well… thank you.”

“You’ll get a much cooler name than ‘Rusty’, too.” Greypaw snorted. “’Rusty’, really, who named you?”

“My mother,” Rusty said, and couldn’t help digging back a little. “Not much weirder than ‘Greypaw’ and ‘Bluestar’ and ‘Redtail’. What if I get a weird name?”

“You won’t,” Greypaw said. “I’m sure of it.”

The two couldn’t talk any further; they had reached the end of the forest and Rusty could see his house (and a panicked Smudge) from here. He looked back at Greypaw, and was surprised by the earnest eagerness on his face.

“Hope to see you again, kittypet,” he said.

Rusty, not sure what to say, gave him a nod and started for his fence. He heard Greypaw rustling through the ferns and grass and disappearing into the woods. He didn’t look back. He had a feeling he would be tempted to return there if he did.

“You’re okay!” Smudge cried when he was close enough to speak. “I saw that cat—he’s huge! How did he not kill you?”

“He didn’t want to.” Rusty bunched up his haunches and leaped onto the fence. He turned to Smudge, unaware of his fur flaring and his eyes sparkling. “You are not going to believe what happened.”

[yungbud]

Hi my love! When you have time could you write an fluffy & smutty imagine where the reader gets insecure & worries or compares themselves to Ashley? (Halsey) & Dom finds out & shows the reader how much they mean to him & how much he loves them daddy kink in there with the smut please & a lot of praise & saying "I'll take care of you pretty girl" 🥺

Word count:4.1k

TW?: mostly angst and fluff, but mentions of daddy kink and adult themes obviously its smut.

A/n: anything for you my lil nugget 🥺 Smut is at the bottom you horny cunts. I hope it was everything you wanted and more <33

*rewrite

You knew better. Unfortunately, you were self destructive and couldn't help yourself. It was 3AM and Dom was fast asleep beside you, and had been for hours. You, however, had chosen to watch a video before bed. It was titled “Yungblud being cute for 6 minutes straight.”, but of course one video turned to five or six more, until eventually you came along another video. This one was called “Halsey and yungblud cute moments.” and the cover photo was of them in onesies, one of Dom's arms wrapped around her and the other holding the camera. You could feel the pit begin to grow in your stomach. Glancing over at Dom to check he was still asleep, you pressed play on the video, flipping over so you were facing him, so that if he did wake up he wouldn’t see what was on the screen.

It was ridiculous, honestly. How could you be jealous of her when you were the one laying right next to him. It broke your heart the way he looked at her, you couldn’t help but wonder... is that how he looks at you? Why would he? She’s so beautiful, look at jawline, look at those eyes and her voice. Oh god... her voice, she's a musician. You loved music, but you had never been musically inclined and at best you could go hard on the triangle. But her, she understood it all, down to the tour life. When he was overwhelmed with work or couldn’t find a melody, she could help, when he didn’t know how to deal with all the attention, she could help. She was like the perfect mentor/ girlfriend combo. She connected with him in ways you would never be able to. She got it.

Your finger hovered over part 2 of the video, a moment of hesitation before pressing it. You tapped twice more to skip past the person's intro, wasting no time in getting to the painful stuff. 

One of the first clips was Halsey talking about the night they met. You knew it was unhealthy, but you couldn’t look away. She described it so beautifully, taking a moment to mention that of course she would because she's a writer and that's how she saw the world, her world was so beautiful. Dom deserved to live in her world. 

She went on to say that they had met up in a bar to chat, to which you remembered why. It wasn’t a coincidence, Dom liked her music. He looked up to her. Just another way you could never be who he needed. 

You couldn’t help it. He’d made the trade down of the century and everyone knew it. You paused the video momentarily, subduing the verbal attack on your ears and laying your phone down on your chest. Heavy breaths slid past your lips as you tried to calm yourself from a full blown breakdown.

 You glanced once more over at Dom, ensuring he was asleep before letting a single tear slip down your face. You used the blanket to wipe it away, basking in the shitty feeling you had created for yourself. You decided that was enough of that, shutting off your phone and plugging it up for the night. After laying there silently for a moment you scooted a bit away from Dom. 

You didn’t really feel like being held by him tonight.

----

The first thought in your head the next morning was of the events of last night, the same shitty feeling digging itself into the pit of your stomach.

“Fuck.” You sighed

“Sorry, I was borrowing one of Dom’s shirts. I didn’t mean to wake you.”  You turned your head to acknowledge the presence in the room. It was Tom, bent over and digging through a pile of Dom’s clothes.

“All good.” You murmured, flipping onto your stomach and burying your face in the pillow. It smelled like Dom.

Soon after you heard the door shut behind Tom as he left, your head lifting from the pillow. You didn’t know what to do, you didn’t really feel like being around Dom today. You couldn’t get past the feeling that he was ultimately worse off with you, that he had settled for less.

You hated the way you felt, your face drooping back into the pillow in an attempt to hide and ended up dozing off, the late night pity marathon catching up with you.

About an hour later you were awoken to Dom’s lips on your forehead. Your eyes met momentarily as you blinked the sleep out of them, reaching upwards in a stretch.

“ ‘ello sleepy head.” Dom says, planting another kiss, this time to your nose. You roll over, replanting your face in the pillow once again, “Are you going back to sleep?” He asks

“Tired.” You mumble back, voice muffled by the pillow.

“It’s 1pm.” no response “How late did you stay up last night?” He asks, laying his head on the pillow next to yours. You shrugged.

“Are you feeling alright, love?” You shifted your head so that you were looking at him, cheek still pressed softly against your pillow “Are you feeling a bit sick? Is it cramps? I can make you a cup of tea and get you some pain killers.” He continued, offering to help you in any way he could. He just wanted to know what was wrong with you, so he could help you. He hated the idea of you up in bed all alone feeling ill. He considered skipping the studio today, he was already cutting it close on time.

“No, I feel fine. Just need a nap. I must’ve stayed up later than I realized, s’all.” You knew you needed to tell him. Every silent moment was filled with you trying to convince yourself to just say something to him. Just talk about it. Just let him in.

“Okay, if you’re sure. I’ll be out of the house at the studio, but Tom and Adam are here if you need them. I’ll tell them to be quiet so you can get some rest.” You smiled in response, your eyes closing as he rubbed his thumb lovingly against your cheek “Hey, I love you.” he says, your eyes opening as you mumbled back an I love you of your own, your lips meeting in a chaste kiss before he stood back up and slipped out the door.

As much as you would’ve loved to, you didn’t sleep at all after he left. Tom and Adam had made good on their promise to stay quiet, but it didn’t make much of a difference when that little voice in your head wouldn’t shut up. You opted for distracting yourself with your phone, scrolling through instagram and hoping the memes would brighten your mood. For the most part they did, acting as a simple distraction. 

Once you felt a bit better, you decided part of the reason you felt so bad today and last night was partially due to the fact that you hadn’t had anything to eat. You went to the kitchen to prepare yourself lunch, hearing Tom and Adam talking quietly in the other room.

While you were preparing your food you accidentally bumped into a stack of dirty dishes that had built up in the kitchen. You didn’t see what happened and when you turned to check nothing looked broken, but it was loud.

“Y/n?” Tom asks, tilting his head to get a better look into the kitchen.

“Hm?” You respond after a few moments of quiet deliberation. You weren’t exactly ready to be observed as awake, but you didn’t have any other choice, besides blaming it on an intruder who broke in with the intent of stealing the beloved orange tree outside, but when they arrived in the kitchen and were met with such a disgraceful mess decided they had no choice but to clean up after us. Of course, that might have stirred up a bit of a panic. They loved that orange tree, after all.

“Oh you’re finally up. Are you feeling alright? Dom said he thought you maybe came down with something.” Adam says

“I’m alright, thanks for asking. I’m just making myself lunch.”

“Come sit with us while you eat. We’re playing uno.” Tom invites. When you’re done making yourself food, you decide maybe it would be best to join them. It’s not good for your mental health to be stuffed up in your room pitying yourself all day.

You sat with your food in front of you, watching silently as they played.

“You wanna be dealt in the next round? It’s more fun with three players.” Tom offers, you give him a nod in response as your mouth is full of food. As you nod, Adam plays a red six, which ultimately leads to his demise as Tom then plays three red draw 2’s, stopping Adams hand as he goes to pick up and continuing to lay a red skip, then a yellow one, changes the color back to red and ends on his own red 3. You all laughed as Adam was absolutely massacred, almost choking on your lunch.

“There ain’t no coming back from that. Just tap out man.” You say through your laughter, reaching over to place a comforting hand on Adam. You all had small conversation as you finished your lunch, but soon you were done and the cards were passed out.

After a game or two, the round was paused as Adam stood up to get himself a glass of water, Tom and you shouting out your own drink orders from your place in the living room. By the time Adam was back at the table the running conversation had died down a bit. You began to think about why you’d been in bed all day, and the fact that Dom still attributed it to a small sickness. You felt the insecurity growing inside you once again, and you finally decided to talk about it.

“Did you guys like Ashley?” You ask, as inconspicuously as you could manage.  You watch as they glance at each other, taking a sip of your drink to occupy your mouth.

“Yeah, she was cool,” Tom says, Adam nodding in confirmation “Why?”

“Just curious, I guess. Did you guys ever hang out?” You tried to play it off as casual conversation, but you got the feeling they were picking up on the fact that there was something more under the surface.

“Not really. Not without Dom, even then it was rare. Who’s turn was it?” Tom continued, feeding into your curiosity while trying to maintain the card game.

“Yours, I think.” You paused for a moment, thinking of your next question “Do you think she was better for him than I am?” Your eyes met with Tom’s as the words left your mouth. He stayed silent for a moment and you couldn’t tell what the emotion on his face was. It felt weird, confiding in your boyfriend’s friends. Usually you could tell what your friends were thinking, or have an idea about what they might say, but you didn’t know these two like that.

“Like how?” He asked, nodding towards you to silently mention it was your turn.

“I dunno, they have the same career.” they let out a small laugh at that.

“She knows how to play a guitar so she loves him more?” Adam says

“Well, no, but…” you tried to remember what you were anxious about “she gets it. She knows what it's like to be on the road all the time and not see your family, she knows about the mental toll being in the public eye has and how to deal with it, she knows how to help if he’s nervous about performing.”

“What makes you assume that?” Tom asks

“She’s been doing it so long.”

“Well, yeah, but knowing how to do that isn’t a part of the job description. It’s less about knowing how to be famous and more about knowing the person you’re with. If it was about that, most people in Dom’s life don't get it. But we get Dom, and that’s what he cares about. You get him, so you have nothing to worry about.” Tom says softly. He made a surprisingly good therapist. 

You nodded, picking up 4 cards and sorting through them in your hand.

“But that doesn't mean you get to hide in your room cause you’re insecure. Just cause we’re talking about it doesn’t mean you don’t still need to tell him.” Tom continues, his chin resting in his hand as he looks at you.

“Yeah, of course.” You agree

~~~

You could hear Dom the second he walked in the house, engaging in a small conversation with the boys before making his way up the stairs. You heard his footsteps trail down the hallway and eventually meet your bedroom door, your eyes closing as you listened to it creak open.

“Love? Are you up?” Dom whispered, shutting the door softly behind him. You remained silent, trying to regulate your breathing like that of someone who’s asleep. He sighed, which made your heart crumple a bit. You wondered if you should respond, he might’ve had a hard day, but the nerves took over and you remained silent. 

“You’re still sleeping?” He asked, partially to himself, before exiting the room once more. You could hear him talking with Tom from outside the door.

“Has Y/N been asleep all day?”

“Uh, no. She came out and ate lunch and played uno with us around 2. Is she asleep now?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

You planned on talking it out with him, and up until he walked into the house you were, but you were suddenly overcome with intense nerves and all you wanted to do was hide.  You figured you would get a good night's rest and talk it out with him in the morning, that way if it went badly he would be out for most of the day at the studio and you wouldn’t have to sit in awkward silence as you tried to sleep.

He entered the room once again, stripping himself of his clothes as he preferred to sleep half naked, before joining you in bed. You felt his arms wrap around you, pulling you into him and wrapping you both in the blankets. Flipping over to face him, you nuzzled closer into his arms.

“Y/N?” He asks again, shifting to see if you’re awake. You hum in response this time, curious as to what he might have to say.

“Are you feeling better?” He asks, his hand returning to your cheek as it was this morning. You nod, letting out a small, genuine yawn as you nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck.

“How was your day?” You ask, shifting the conversation. 

“It was good. We finally got that song done, I think i’m gonna play with it a bit more tomorrow though. It’s good but I think it could be better.”

“You always think it can be better.”

“It always can.” He states simply, making you smile. You loved that about him, his pure determination and dedication to his craft. It can always be better.

“How was your day? Tom said you guys played a bit of uno, who won?”

“It was alright. Yeah, him and Adam were playing when I came down so I decided to join them. I think overall it was probably Tom though, I think he was cheating.” Dom laughed a little at the claim, brushing his fingers through your mess of a hair.

“So...” You began, needing to get a word out so you wouldn’t bail on talking about this. God, you hated confrontation. Especially when it was about something you were feeling. 

Dom hummed in response, the gentle reminder to continue breaking you out of your thoughts.

“I wasn’t sick today.”

“No?” He encouraged

“No. I was a bit tired though. But, that wasn’t the problem. I was watching youtube last night and I came across a video someone made. It was, like, a compilation of cute moments or whatever so I watched it cause it was cute. Then I watched another, and a few more, and eventually I came across a video that was called ‘Halsey and YUNGBLUD being soulmates for 3 minutes’... and I watched it.” He lets out a small, quiet snort, not entirely catching onto  the vibe of the conversation.

“Jeez, how do they come up with this shit.” He remarked lovingly

“Heh, yeah. It’s just… I watched it and I saw the way you talked about and looked at her… It just got me thinking, yenno?”

“I don’t. What’d it get you thinkin’ about, beautiful?”

“I just felt like maybe you regretted being with me. Maybe you’re still bummed that you guys broke up and you ended up with me. Like maybe you still miss her.” You admit. It’s silent for a moment as he takes it all in, you almost expect him to confirm your suspicions.

“I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I made you feel like that.” He took a moment to think carefully about his next words “I know it must be hard to hear me talk about someone else like that, you can’t really escape my past relationships because of who I am. I honestly never thought of that. I love you, okay? Not anybody else. Obviously she and I had something, but it’s completely in the past and I don’t regret a thing because it led me to you, and I love you so much. You’re my fookin soulmate, I mean it. I’m not gonna let that slip out of your head ever again.” He said, punctuating it with a passionate kiss.

You expected the kiss to end rather quickly, but it didn’t. It kept going, building in intensity as you scooted closer to one another. 

“I love you.” You whisper, breaking the kiss momentarily

“I love you so much, pretty girl” He responds, his hand coming up to hold your jaw.

“Hmm, show me.” You whisper, pulling him closer. His hand slides down your side and onto your thigh as your lips meet again, taking your bottom lip between his teeth and pulling away lightly before indulging in the kiss once again.

Dom’s hands didn’t stay in one place for long, moving about your body as you made out, pausing his actions for a moment to take your shirt off, placing a kiss to each of your breasts before moving his lips up to your neck, leaving little marks for you to find in the morning. A chill ran down your back as he bit down on your ear, his hands massaging your breasts before reaching behind you and unbuckling your bra, throwing it off to the side and shifting his attention to your nipple. Taking it into his mouth, he presses his tongue flat against it as you lie down to give him a better angle.

His tongue flicking against your nipple while his hand plays with your other nipple. He swapped between which he used his mouth on and which he used his hand, making sure to give them both equal attention,  your hands tangling themself into his hair while he did so. When he was satisfied he pulled away, causing you to let out a small whimper as you felt his lips leave you, making their way down your stomach in a series of wet, open mouthed kisses.

When he made it to your underwear he licked a single stripe, taking his his sweet, sweet time. First, kissing his way up one thigh, then back down and ghosting his lips over the area you needed him both, taking a moment to inhale your scent before kissing his way back up the other leg, and right back down. 

“Please.” You whine

“Shh, I’m gonna take care of you, pretty girl.” He hushed, pulling your panties down your legs and glancing up at you as he did so, mimicking your pout before placing a chaste kiss on your clit. You leant your head back, closing your eyes as you waited patiently for him to begin. 

He started off slowly, licking up your slit as he took his time with you. Dom loved to use his tongue anytime he could, you loved it too. When he ate you out, it wasn’t just tongue, he made sure to pay attention to your clit and use his fingers when needed but on nights like tonight, where he really wanted to drive you crazy, he made sure to use a lot of tongue.

“You taste so good, pretty girl.” He whispers, his breath fanning against you, his hands wrapped around your thighs as he lost himself in you, holding you like if he didn’t you would take his meal away. You tried your best to suppress the moans he was pulling out of you, knowing Adam and Tom were just rooms away. The way he was working you left you wishing you had come to him with this sooner. Your hips came up to meet his actions, your hand placed firmly on the back of his head, pushing him as far into you as he could go, eager to meet your release. 

“That’s it, pretty girl, ride daddy’s face. Let daddy show you how much you mean to him.” He hums, taking a moment to catch his breath. You do as you’re told, the request putting you in anything but a bratty mood. You let out a small moan as he continues his actions, your hips setting the pace.

Once again, it started off slow, until you began to work yourself up. Your hand reached down, tangling itself in his hair once again, tugging as you tried to push yourself further down, your hips speeding up while you bite your tongue to keep down the moans that clawed their way up your throat.

You could feel the pressure building up in your stomach, squeaking out to Dom that you were gonna cum before releasing on his tongue. He let you remain there for a minute, riding out your high while he massaged and kissed your thighs. When you had fully come down you move yourself off his face, making your way down to his bulge where you began to unbutton his pants. His hand quickly came down to stop you.

“Tonight’s supposed to be about you.”

“I wanna make you feel good too.” You say, giving him a small pout. He stops to think for a moment before taking off his pants pulling you over him, giving himself a few painfully slow strokes before slipping himself inside of you. Your hips rocked carefully against him, still sensitive from your last orgasm. His hands continued to massage your hips as you found your pace, finding it harder and harder to remain silent.

“You’re so beautiful, pretty girl. Daddy loves to watch you bounce on his cock.” Dom growls, his hips coming up to meet yours, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room, you give up on holding back your moans at this point as it’s already very obvious to anyone in the house what's happening upstairs. 

The bed was creaking, your skin  slapping together as he thrust into you, unable to cease the  loud moans falling past your lips. Your legs began to shake as you approached your second release. Dom pulls you close, holding you, the gentle gesture in sharp contrast with the way he’s pounding away at you.

“Please can I cum.” You whimper

“One moment,” he interrupted himself with a groan “I wanna cum with ya, love.”

You held on as best you could, melting into his grasp as he worked towards finishing himself off. Soon after he growled a barely audible “Cum.” signifying his release. You moaned against each other, Dom pulling you closer as close wasn’t close enough. He maintained his actions, riding through your orgasm with one hand in your hair and the other lovingly stroking your thigh.

“Daddy’s got you babygirl.” He whispers into your ear, hushing you as you come down from your high.

When you finally felt well enough to sit up, your muscles hurt from the strain so you and Dom decided to have a bath.

He got up to run the bath water just the way you liked it and insisted on carrying you there, because ‘You’re hurtin’ so you can’t walk.’

You didn’t mind, though, laying your head on his shoulder as he carried you princess style into the bathroom. Luckily, the boys were in their rooms with the doors closed, presumably to suppress some of the noise.

The warm watered soothed your aching as you sat with Dom behind you, his wet hands stroking your arms with his head buried in your neck while he whispered sweet nothings in your ear.

After that night, you didn’t think you’d ever question your relationship with Dom again.

[sugarmaplewings-fics]

Baby, You’re Perfect

Pairing: BNHA Boys x reader

Warnings: Weight insecurity, negative body image/icky thoughts, body shaming from relatives, talks about skipping a meal once, general stuff like that. Kirishima’s reader is actively trying to lose weight. Cursing/language throughout (but mostly in Bakugou’s)

Characters: Bakugou, Kirishima, Kaminari

Author’s Note:

And here we have yet another request that is super old. I’m talking this has been chillin in my inbox for three good months. My sincere apologies, anon. And again, I’m sorry that that had to happen to you. Your grandma has no right to speak to you in that way. You’re making great progress and that’s amazing! Keep going strong, I believe in you. Anyhow, I had a lot of fun doing this request! We all need more chubby y/n on this website.

Yes, it says Hawks but I contacted the anon and we switched it to Denki bc I don’t write for Keigo (and we had a lovely conversation. they’re very nice :D). 

Also the first two insults are things that have actually been said/done to me irl (hehe tasty self projection) and the last one in Denki’s is from an episode from Tuca and Birdie (it’s a good show).

Anyway, be nice to people. Respect others and speak to them as equals. We’re all human beings here, trying to get by. We’re also like a month away from 2021, I shouldn’t have to say that >:(

Happy Thanksgiving!

-Sugar

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

Bakugou:

You couldn’t take it anymore. You were tired of their faces, tired of their words. You were headed home early, and you would not be sorry.

You didn’t hate your family. They could just be a little . . . difficult sometimes.

At first, it had gone well. You’d arrived at your aunt’s house yesterday for a family gathering and met up with everyone. They’d hugged you and asked you how you were doing. They’d even asked after your pro hero boyfriend, who you had chosen not to bring along for the purpose of spending some quality alone time with your family.

But then it happened; the thing you’d been dreading, the type of comment you’d hoped against all things you wouldn’t hear this time. But there it was.

You were nearly done preparing for lunch, helping to place dishes of food out in the backyard for your family meal. Your aunt was starting to serve people food, and you happened to glance up to see one of your cousins making herself a plate.

“Do you want any more?” your aunt asked your cousin, ready with her ladle.

“No, thank you, I’ve got enough.” Your cousin flipped her long perfect hair over a perfectly narrow shoulder. “I wouldn’t want to get fat like—” her gaze wandered over to you, meeting your eyes pointedly, “—some people.”

You faltered. Had she really just said that? About you? Well, it wasn’t impossible that it would come from her, but seriously? Today?

You swallowed a lump that had started forming in your throat, setting down the new stack of paper plates. Your aunt shot you a pitying glance. Was she even going to say something? Would she call your cousin out on her words?

No. She just moved on. Moved on like you should have. But something about it stuck with you. Your cousin’s words and implications rang through your mind, making you feel sick to your stomach. You shouldn’t let it bother you this much. You were doing better, both with your habits and your confidence. So why did it hurt so bad?

The darker thoughts you’d kept at bay began to come back; you were worthless, you were ugly, you were undeserving. Why wouldn’t they stop? Why was your stomach churning and your hand shaking? Before you knew it, hints of tears began to prick at your eyes.

No.

You weren’t going to give her the satisfaction of seeing you this way. But you were no longer interested in staying, any sense of hunger leaving you for sick dread.

Next thing you knew, you had said an early goodbye and put your things in the car, headed back home. Maybe driving wasn’t the best idea, since now you were alone with your thoughts. But crying wasn’t worth it. It was a bad idea, especially since now was the time to focus on the road ahead.

You couldn’t have gotten home sooner, a sense of relief washing over you once you pulled into the driveway. You unlocked your front door, pulling your bags in behind you. You heard movement coming from the kitchen as you set everything down; the sound of the faucet turning off signaling to you that Katsuki had heard you come in.

Heaving a sigh, you tried to chase the negative thoughts from your head. They shouldn’t be there, and it wasn’t something to dwell on. You were home again, and you wouldn’t have to deal with your family for another few months at least.

Bakugou’s head peeked out from around the doorframe, double checking that it was you who had walked in. “What are you doing here?” he called, ducking back to whatever he’d been doing in the kitchen.

“Hello to you too.” You tried to keep the tartness out of your voice, but some of it must have crept back in. The sounds from the other room stopped again, and the house went eerily quiet. Huffing, you dragged your luggage into your shared bedroom.

You felt drained, that was the only way to describe it. You couldn’t even bring yourself to hang your clothes in the closet. Giving up, you laid down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. You couldn’t help but hear your cousin’s words ringing over and over in your head, reminding you of the countless years of both internal and external torment you’d gone through regarding your weight.

The sound of footsteps in the doorway made you glance down, registering a spiky blond head of hair approaching you on the bed. You said nothing as the mattress dipped next to you, indicating that Bakugou had come up on your side.

The two of you were silent together for a long moment, and a stolen glance told you that Katsuki was mirroring you with his head resting on his arms as he stared at the blank ceiling.

“Are you going to tell me what’s got you in this mood?” he finally asked.

You sighed. “My cousin can just be a pain sometimes.”

“She the one you were telling me about or is it someone else?”

“Same girl.”

“Hmm.” Bakugou continued to keep his eyes trained solely up above. “What did she do this time?”

“Called me fat.” You tried to keep your voice even. You were simply stating a fact. It shouldn’t bother you like this, right? Even so, the tears you’d been forcing back once again rushed to your eyes, causing your tone to pitch. You swallowed them down again, blinking rapidly. This wasn’t something to spend time crying over.

“Don’t let it get to you,” Katsuki said, a little unhelpfully. “I don’t want to see you hating yourself.”

You frowned at this. “I don’t hate myself,” you said, thinking about your words for a moment before you spoke them. “I don’t hate my body. It’s just that . . . sometimes I wish it looked a little better, a little different. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m enough as I am.”

“Don’t tell me you think you’d be happier looking like everyone else.” Bakugou’s gaze had shifted from a blank one to a glare.

“I don’t know,” you said, shrugging. “It’s just . . . hard sometimes. Being like this.”

Finally Bakugou rolled to face you, taking one of your hands in his. “I know you . . . struggle with your self-image or whatever, but you can’t let it take over your life, got it? You can’t just waste it worrying about what everyone thinks of you. You’re never going to be able to please everyone, but if they’ve got a problem with you, then they can go fuck themselves. You want to know the one person’s opinion who matters most? Yours. You have to be the one who’s taking care of yourself.” Katsuki paused for a moment, absentmindedly fiddling with your fingers as he considered his words.

“You want to know who’s opinion is the second most important?” he continued, his voice starting to get a little more mumbly. “Mine. I picked you because I love you. I love everything about you, from your shitty, annoying personality to your gorgeous body. You are so much more than just ‘enough’ for me, so don’t go worrying about that. You’re everything to me, and you know that, right? I love you no matter what, so don’t let this ruin your whole day.” He kissed your knuckles, signaling that he had said his peace.

You smiled at him, a tear or two finally sneaking past your defenses. “How—how do you do that?”

“What?”

“Sometimes you say something horribly stupid and I swear I hate you, and then next thing I know, you’re telling me everything I need to hear.”

“Tch, I can be eloquent whenever I want. It’s a choice.”

“Alright.” You rolled over so you could properly face him. “Can I have a hug?”

Bakugou rolled his eyes, but nevertheless held open his arms. You happily snuggled into the hard, built muscle enveloping you, offering a beautiful contrast to your own soft body.

“Do you need me to talk to your cousin?” Bakugou asked. “I’ll do it.”

“Nah, let her go.” You nuzzled your nose into his neck. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

______________

Kirishima:

You honestly expected your family to last longer when it came to keeping from upsetting you. Nevertheless, maybe you were being a little too optimistic. But come on, did they have to ruin everything the literal second you walked through the door?

Even after the scathing comment, followed by a half-hearted, hasty brushing off, you forced yourself to spend time with them. It wasn’t often that you got to see this half of your family, so you decided to ignore it with the rest of them.

But as you sat on the couch sipping tea, you were unable to focus on the light conversation buzzing around you. The event that happened mere minutes before played over again in your mind, causing you to wince.

You’d walked into the house, prepared to greet everyone and have a nice time, when your aunt looked up from her position on her arm chair. “Hello, (Y/N),” she’d begun. “Ah, look, you’re still fat.”

Your heart had almost literally stopped beating in your chest as you froze in the threshold. Had she just said what you thought you heard? You must have been mistaken, right?

Any positive anticipation you’d had of seeing your relatives had plummeted to your feet, and you strongly considered turning around in place and leaving without another word.

But you couldn’t do that, of course not. Then your aunt had begun to babble something about how it made you look cute like a baby, but her words had already done their damage.

You tolerated the rest of your afternoon with them, but it was a great relief to you when you were finally able to leave and go home. As soon as you pulled into your driveway, you exhaled a sigh of relief. It was over with, and it hadn’t been that bad.

Eijirou wasn’t home, but you knew he wouldn’t be long after you. You went about making dinner, knowing he’d appreciate it once he got home. He was always so tired these days.

Even so, as you stirred broth in a pot, your aunt’s words rang in your head. You vaguely remembered telling her about your weight loss a month ago. You figured you’d been making considerable progress, and you knew that no one was more proud of you than Eijirou himself. But had it really made a difference?

After a moment of fretting, you turned off the stove. You walked into your shared bedroom, flicking on the light. Your eyes caught sight of your reflection in the mirror. You frowned, going up to it. Turning your body this way and that, you tried to see if you recognized a change in your appearance. You lifted your shirt, only to wince at yourself and tug it back down. You pinched at your arms, your thighs, and your cheeks, growing almost angry at the way your fingers sunk into the flesh.

Maybe you hadn’t been making as much progress as you’d thought. Or the progress you had made wasn’t enough. Without you even realizing it, your mind began to toy with ways to speed things up. Guiltily, you found yourself wondering if Eijirou would notice if you just skipped dinner that night.

You shook your head to clear away the intrusive idea. No, that wouldn’t solve anything. Eijirou had told you that he’d help you lose weight the right way, so you’d stay healthy and be able to keep it off. It would be best to listen to him.

Still, you found your eyes glued to your reflection. You wouldn’t consider yourself vain, but there was something in the way that your eyes traced over your curves, wondering just how they might look on you if only you were a little smaller . . . .

Movement behind you in the mirror caught your eye, and you were quick to recognize a head of spiky red hair. You must not have heard Kirishima come in through the front door.

“Hello,” you said with less cheer than usual.

“Hey, babe,” he greeted you, coming up from behind to give you a hug.

You leaned back into his chest as you both stared at each other’s reflections.

“Checking out my perfect girlfriend?” he teased, referring to how your eyes continued to trace down your body. “That’s my job, you know.”

You snorted, gently rubbing at his forearm.

“So how was your family?”

“Okay,” you shrugged.

“I saw you left something on the stove. Are you doing okay?”

Oh, Kirishima. How did he do it?

You shrugged. “I guess I didn’t really have a good time there. Got a little upset is all.”

Eijirou frowned. “What happened?”

You took one of his hands in yours and began to play with his fingers, now determined to keep your eyes from catching another glimpse of yourself. “My aunt told me I was fat.”

You missed the flash of genuine anger that shot through Kirishima’s eyes. He knew this was something you’d struggled with for a long time. Your aunt had no business making comments like that about your body, especially now.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, deciding to keep himself calm for your sake.

You continued to fiddle with his large hands. “I just worry sometimes that I’m not doing enough,” you mumbled. “What if it doesn’t work? What if I’m just meant to look like this?” You sniffled, hating the sudden tears that were beginning to fill your eyes.

“Honey . . .” Eijirou spun you around and held you to his chest, running a hand down the back of your head as you finally let the tears slide down your face. You nuzzled into his shirt, appreciating the warm, familiar feeling of it. “Even if you weren’t able to lose more weight, you know I’d still love you, right?” he said in a tender voice. “I’d think you’re beautiful either way.”

He tilted your chin up so he could look into your eyes, giving you one of the most loving gazes you’d ever seen. “And besides, we’re not together because of how you look. I love you for you. I love your personality, and how you always say and do the cutest things.” He bent down for a quick kiss, caressing your cheek as he pulled away. “I love your laugh, and I love looking into your beautiful eyes . . . .” He kissed you again, beginning to gently guide your bodies to the bed at the other wall.

Eijirou laid you down in the center of the mattress, hovering over you as he went in for another kiss. “I love your body too. This body, just the way it is. I love how it feels to hold you at night—” he kissed your neck. “—I love your chest, your butt, your arms, your thighs—” he nuzzled his nose against your face and neck. “—your cute tummy.” He pushed himself up and gazed down at it with such a genuine expression of love, you almost started tearing up again. “The cutest tummy in the world. And I love it because it’s yours.”

With that, he bent down again and lifted up your shirt just enough to give it a little kiss. You couldn’t help but let a giggle slip from your lips, which only made his ruby red eyes dart up to meet yours mischievously.

“You like that? What if I did it . . . again!” He placed a second kiss in a different spot, going for another and then another. You broke out into laughter, the sensation of his lips and nose brushing over your sensitive skin making you squirm in his hold.

Soon, he was laughing himself. He nuzzled into your skin one last time and blew a raspberry against your skin.

“Eiji—!” you began to protest through a laugh.

“What?” He smirked at you, moving up and settling his chin in the valley of your chest.

You smiled right back at him, bringing up your hand to brush the backs of your fingers against his cheek. “I love you.”

Kirishima took hold of your hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the backs of your knuckles as he looked into your eyes. “I love you too, baby.” He held your hand in his, getting lost for a moment simply looking at your face.

Eventually he sat up, laying down next to you and pulling you into his chest. “I’m proud of you too,” he told you, tucking your head under his chin. “I know you’re actively making a change for the better, and you’re doing really well. Results won’t happen immediately, you just have to stick with it sometimes.”

You sighed through your nose, taking his hand in yours again. “I know. I just get discouraged sometimes is all.”

“And I’ll just be here to put you back on track. You’ve got this, you know.” He hugged you tight against him, rubbing your back. “Are you hungry?” he finally asked. “I’ll help you make dinner.”

“Sure,” you said, chuckling lightly.

“What? We both have to eat, and you know me. I’m a hungry shark.”

You laughed again, leaning up to kiss his jaw.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

“Yeah, a bit.”

“Well, there’s always more where that came from.” He kissed your forehead. “I’m here for you, okay?”

______________

Kaminari:

If there was one thing Denki hated more than anything, it was seeing you upset. 

He could tell something was off the moment you came through the front door. You were too quiet, and that bothered him. When you finally made it up to your shared room, Kaminari was already watching the doorway for you.

He noticed immediately that your eyes were puffy and a little red. Even your posture looked defeated and slumped over.

“Hey, Denks,” you said once you noticed him stretched out on the bed. His heart broke even further when he saw you try for a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes.

“Hey, hey, what’s the matter?” Kaminari got up, clearing the space between you so he could put his hands on your shoulders.

“I—I just,” you began to stammer out, feeling the flimsy dam you’d placed behind your eyes begin to falter. “I . . . don’t know if I want to talk about it right now.” You covered your burning face with your palms. “It’s stupid anyway. I shouldn’t let things like that get to me.”

Kaminari frowned, trying to figure out what might have made you so upset. But he wasn’t one to pry when it came to situations like these, and he knew you’d tell him on your own time.

Even so, he led you to where he’d once taken position on the bed, pulling you up with him. He knew that sometimes you simply wanted to be distracted from things, so he decided to do just that. Allowing you to settle in next to him, he picked his controller up from the covers again where he’d set it down.

You noticed he’d been playing Minecraft. You let yourself take a mild interest in his mining session that you caught him in the middle of. You watched him wander through a cave system; placing torches, killing the occasional zombie, and mining out various ores he happened upon.

What you didn’t see was how often he shot you glances, studying your face for any signs of you getting upset again. He saw when you finally took your eyes off his screen, frowning distantly as you twisted the material of the blanket underneath you.

Before he could ask you again what was going on, you opened your mouth to speak. “Do you think this outfit is too much?”

Denki faltered, confused. “No? What do you mean by that? I think you look really pretty.”

You pursed your lips. Clearly that wasn’t the answer you’d wanted. “I just—I don’t know.” You frowned and went back to avoiding his eyes.

“Are you going to tell me what happened today?” Denki asked. A sudden idea struck him. Before you could answer him again, he stood up on the bed and walked over to a shelf you kept just above it. He pulled down a large stuffed Pikachu he’d gotten you a few years ago, and went back to sitting next to you. “Would it be easier to tell him?”

Denki positioned the toy in his lap, grabbing hold of its little arms and letting it go through various motions, starting with a little wave at you.

You couldn’t help but snort at Kaminari’s antics, looking from the plushie to the curious but concerned expression on your boyfriend’s face.

“Your Pikachus are worried about you.” Denki lifted it up higher on his chest, continuing to fidget and wave the arms back and forth in a little dance. “You saw your family today, right? How did that go?”

Your face fell again and you shrugged. “It went well I guess. My grandma just said something dumb and it made me upset.”

Denki frowned, lifting the arms of the Pikachu so its hands were on its pink cheeks. “What did she say?”

You shrugged again. “I was messing around with my cousins and I said I looked like a snacc. And then she said that snacks were probably what made me so fat in the first place.”

Denki’s frown deepened. “That’s not very nice.”

“I don’t think she knew what I was talking about, to be fair. And maybe it’s a little funny. I mean, she’s not wrong.” You rested your chin in your hands, sighing. “It just caught me off guard. It’s a dumb thing to be upset over, like I said—”

“Hey.” Denki met your eyes. “It’s not dumb. You have every right to be upset.” He held his arms open to you. “Come here.”

You sat up, letting him embrace you.

“Do you need me to remind you how beautiful you are and how much I love you?” he asked from next to your ear. “Because I’ll do it.”

He took your shy smile as a yes, letting you settle back as he proceeded to lift up the stuffed yellow toy.

“Are you hearing this, bro?” he addressed it, throwing a serious look on his face. “The most gorgeous person on the planet is sad. We have to do something about it.”

Denki put the Pikachu’s paw on its chin, tapping it for a second before removing it again. “What’s that?” he asked it. “You have an idea?”

He lifted the toy to his ear, pretending to listen to it for a moment as he nodded along. Once he was satisfied, Denki scooched himself even closer to you. He brought Pikachu’s nose up to your cheek and made a kiss sound with his lips. Setting the toy down beside you on the bed, he motioned for you to come sit in his lap.

You obeyed, settling yourself in between his thighs and wrapping your legs around his hips.

“There you go,” he muttered, slotting his nose beside yours as he touched foreheads with you. “I love you and you’re the most important person in my life. You know that, right?” He waited for you to nod before continuing. “And I know that you can feel a little insecure sometimes with how you look. You’ve got bad days, and you have good days. It’s my job to be there for you on these bad days, and you can be there for me when I have mine. I want you to know that you’re so beautiful and I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

He connected your lips to his for a long moment, trying to convey all his feelings for you into it. “And don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re less-than. They’re not the kind of person you should be listening to. Trust me when I say that you’re perfect just being you.” Denki wiped a tear trail off your cheek with his thumb, leaning in to kiss the skin there. 

“Thanks, Denki,” you said, your voice just above a whisper.

He gave you a soft, caring smile; his fingers still lingering on your cheek. “Is there anything you want to do together to make you feel better? We could watch a movie, we could snuggle, whatever you want.”

You leaned in and hugged him tight. “I love you.”

He hugged you back. “I love you too. You’re my sunshine nugget, and it would take a heck of a lot to ever change that.”

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

Taglist: @basicaegyo​ @fourteenow​ @iiminibattlehero​ @katsugay​​ @nabo39​ @onepieceask​ @pyrofanatic​​ @sendhelpimstupid​ @xoxopam4​​ 

[thedevillionaire]

Invasive Species

~3,000 words of my supernatural soap opera, Demonics Office edition. If you’ve read my fics before, you’ve met Cerberus and Kia already. Other Underworldians briefly appearing or mentioned here: Therion, Demonics Understudy - sort of the same thing as vice president, Crisis (Therion’s BFF, another Demon), Winter (Crisis’s bonded, Sorceress), and Belladonna (Therion’s bonded, Vampire). And of course, any questions, about anything, please do ask.

 ---

Heading home from the evening’s soiree more than a little later than intended, they’d only decided to take the detour to the Demonics Office last minute, Cerberus reasoning that collecting the necessary documents and notes for the introductory expedition he was directing in two nights’ time might as well be done now rather than waiting until tomorrow. It should be late enough that they wouldn’t be interrupting anything, anyway. They should, in fact, have pretty much the entire department to themselves at this hour – although it was a general truism that if any department was likely to have activity occurring at unorthodox hours, Demonics would be the one. He hoped for the best nonetheless, casually willing a few of the firebrands lining the walls aflame as he and Kia passed by.

Kia nodded towards the Office door upon their arrival. “It’s definitely unoccupied?” she checked again. “I mean, since you’re not expected in tonight at all and… Well, you know. Cat’s away, mice will play, all that.”

“Are you suggesting my Office could be the site of something…in flagrante?” Cerberus chuckled darkly.

“Oh, absolutely, babe. I’m just intending for it to be us.” She gave him a playful smile. “You know. Rather than walking in on it.”

“I’m not sure Therion’s a particularly likely candidate for that sort of thing,” said Cerberus, though he knocked lightly twice before opening the door anyway. “Or at least, if he is, he’s been careful enough to have never been caught.”

He stood aside for Kia to enter before him, and she paused, smirking. “Is that out of chivalry, hon, or are you just hoping that if someone is fucking on your furniture that I’m the one who gets to be the main witness so you won’t have to try to unsee it every time you come in here afterwards for the rest of eternity?”

Laughing, Cerberus kissed her lightly on the top of her head. “I’d not considered it to that degree, but now that you mention it, I hope you’ll forgive me for thinking that’s actually rather a good idea.” He smiled, half-bowed and waved her through.

Kia looked back at him in light-hearted reproach as she entered. “One day I’ll learn to shut up, you know.”

Cerberus closed the door behind them. “Oh, darkling, I very much hope that you don’t.” He paused for a moment, frowning slightly at a subtle, unusual scent that he couldn’t quite place, before disregarding it and following his bonded inside.

Kia semi-leapt with melodramatic abandon onto the couch, lay back and threw her arms wide. “Look! Completely fuck-free!” She grinned wickedly as Cerberus laughed again, and sat up, crossing her legs in a deliberate parody of primness. “Okay, okay, so remind me – what are you actually doing tomorrow or whenever?”

“First year Take direction. Standard introductory procedure. More necessary than interesting, unfortunately,” replied Cerberus, walking over to his desk and searching for the related papers he could have sworn he’d left here specifically, noting also that that wasn’t the only thing that seemed to be out of position or incorrectly placed or…flat out missing. Hmm. The carafe of cognac he kept there was also a significant degree emptier than it ought to be, too. “Something has definitely gone on here tonight,” he said, rubbing his nose absently against a faint but obstinate itch. “There’s been some…sort…” He broke off as the itch became abruptly definite, sneezing. “Hm. Pardon me.”

“Bless you!”

“Thank you, love,” Cerberus said vaguely, distracted by both the absence of the documents he needed and the disturbingly insistent tickle which seemed to have grown in intensity rather than to be at all relieved. He rubbed his nose again. “Why is nothing where it’s supposed to be?” he asked rhetorically, annoyed. “It’s not like it needed to…” he began, but soon lost his thoughts to other concerns. “Oh, excuse m… hh…” Breaking off again, he took a tissue from the box on the table, sneezing into it. “HuhTSCHuu!” He apologised and wiped his nose.

“Mmm, bless, babe.” Kia wandered across the room to meet him, pushing a few books aside to create enough space for her to sit on the desk, facing Cerberus and giving him a soft, suggestive smile as she curled an arm around his waist, the other behind his neck, through his hair. “You know…you could put off the document search for a little while, if you like,” she murmured, kissing him deeply and Mindsending a teasing, sultry :and do someone else instead.:

The rush of desire racing through Cerberus momentarily eclipsing all else, he returned her kiss with a promise Kia could feel, and she purred with pleasure as he drew her closer to him, wrapping one leg around his, feeling him covet her, and all she wanted was more. But it seemed like the fates had other ideas, as Cerberus found himself suddenly, unavoidably torn from the moment. His breath caught and he turned from her in haste, not able to do otherwise.

”HhTSSCHUU! Ah…ahTSCHUU! What the h…hh-AHTSSCHU!” He glanced back at Kia briefly, his brow creased in confusion and his eyes watering, before he had no choice but to surrender again as the need to sneeze again overtook him. “Hhh-hh-TSCHUU! Gods! Pardon me.” Sniffling wetly, he claimed several more tissues, the relentless irritation burning sinus-deep. “W-what…what the hell is…” Another hitch in his breath and he looked at the ceiling, attempting to settle the rapid, shaky inhalations but to no avail and he sneezed again, powerful and demanding. “Huh-ahhHEHTSSCHuu!”

“Oh, bless you! Are you alright?” Kia looked at her bonded in a mixture of concern and captivation, even as she thought to herself that he was clearly not alright and that it was fairly pointless to ask. “I mean, you’re not coming down with something, right? You seemed fine earlier…”

Cerberus, genuinely confounded, gave a brief shake of his head in answer and tried, not successfully, to steady his breathing against the compulsive, overwhelming prickle that simply refused to back down. “No, I…” He sniffled sharply and pressed the back of his hand firmly against his nose. “I…I’m not sick,” he said. “I have no…no idea wh… hhh-TSSCHUU! tshHUU! S-sorry, lov… ah-hh-MMPchh! Ugh.” He winced from the discomfort of stifling, a desperate measure he rarely resorted to, and wiped watering eyes. “Oh, my gods.” Taking yet more tissues, vaporising the used ones in a flash of Combust, he blew his nose and murmured another apology.

Kia leapt neatly down from the desk and half motioned, half physically directed Cerberus to take a seat, which he did, and she moved to stand behind him. “Okay. So, then, in that case…” She smoothed some disordered hair back from his face and kissed the top of his head. “What are you allergic to, hon?”

Cerberus shook his head once more. “Nothi…ii-AHHtchuu! hhtCHUU!” He had no chance of preventing the two rapid sneezes which took him completely without warning, and he blinked rapidly, wiping his eyes again, then his nose, both of which seemed to have no intention of stopping their near constant streaming now. “Nothing th…that I-I… Ah-TSSCH-uu!” He groaned, sniffling uselessly. “Ah, gods, excuse me. Nothing that I can think of, nothing that would…hh-HH…” Focus dissolving unstoppable, he sniffled several times more, uselessly, no respite or relief afforded, hurriedly claimed another few tissues, and sneezed again. “AHH-TSCHUU! Fuck!”

“Bless you, sweetheart.” Kia cast her gaze around the room, considering potential options and not recognising any viable ones. She gently neatened her bonded’s hair and rubbed his shoulders as he caught another convulsive sneeze in the tissues, and another immediately after that. “But maybe you need to think a little harder, okay?”

Other than the occasional reaction to dust, though – something he never let get out of hand in his immaculately kept Office – and of course unexpectedly or unsuitably cold temperatures and the like, again in this instance definitely not the case, Cerberus honestly couldn’t think of anything that could possibly be the cause of this.

“Gods, I-I don’t…” His breathing shaky, untrustworthy, he did his best to concentrate on something other than needing to sneeze and the fierce, unending, crawling itch that just. would. not. subside. “I have no idea. Nothing that should be in…in my Office, damn it,” he managed before an urgent, violent sneeze bent him double, leaving him gasping for breath. “AHHTSSCHHUU! Ugh. Honestly!” Scrubbing a rough hand under his nose, he sniffled strongly, looking back over his shoulder at Kia. He offered her a self-deprecating half smile, raising an eyebrow and giving a quick shake of his head. “I think I can see through time.”

Kia laughed. “Oh, hon. Well, I’m certainly not going to question your…many talents.” She stroked his hair and kissed him again, when her eye was caught by a salt-sketched pentacle on the floor of the ritual workings space in the furthest corner of the room, a small, lightly smouldering ceramic bowl at the pentacle’s apex northern tip, several unfamiliar symbols encircling it.

“Um…I’m no expert or anything, but isn’t that upside down for here?” She gently turned Cerberus’ attention towards it, pointing. “I mean, it’s not upside down but it should be, right? For Demonics.”

Cerberus followed Kia’s direction, finding focus difficult through reddened and watery eyes, but he nevertheless recognised a Sorcery cleansing set-up when he saw one. “What the…”

Before he could explore that thought further, though, the door opened suddenly.

Therion stopped dead in his tracks. Shit. He hadn’t planned on having to explain anything - just tidy up Crisis and Winter’s mess and leave again. “Uh…hey. I didn’t think you were coming in tonight,” he said, more than a little awkwardly. “I, um…” He indicated the pentacle. “That wasn’t me, man. But I am here to sort it…” A powerful sneeze from Cerberus interrupted him, and another following almost immediately.

Sniffling again, Cerberus cursed under his breath and tried to will himself to at least perhaps manage just a modicum of control, just for a moment, damn it, because he was fairly sure that any aura of authority and command, something that usually came so effortlessly to him and something he would very much like to have at least a semblance of right now, was going to be thoroughly undermined by this…ridiculous, unrelenting…sensation that he just...couldn’t… Gods, fuck… “Huh-TSCHHUU!”

Kia blessed him quietly, gave him a reassuring pat on his shoulder and another quick kiss, and left his side to head over to the ritual space, something having occurred to her. :Just a sec, babe: she Mindsent. :I’ll be right back.:

“Gesundheit,” said Therion. “You got a cold?”

Before Cerberus could offer any sort of denial – not that he was in any real state to do so anyway, his concentration primarily on trying not to sneeze again – Kia held up the ceramic bowl, thin tendrils of faintly scented smoke still curling from it. “Therion!” she called, displaying it. “What’s in this?”

“Um…well, it’s Winter’s work, so I’m not really sure. It won’t be anything too fancy, though – it’s just a basic cleansing Sorcery herbal concoction thing, so, um…probably mostly birchbark and…” Therion broke off abruptly, eyes widening in realisation. “Oh… Shit.” He didn’t bother to check anything further and instantly Sent the bowl to Winter’s house, Mindsending her a hurried :Sorry, sorry, I’ll explain later, can’t talk now, tell Crisis we’re probably in deep shit, sorry.:

“It’s… HMPTch!” Appalled, Cerberus stifled another sneeze and winced, sniffling sharply. “It’s what?!” He grabbed a fresh handful of tissues, wiped his eyes and blew his nose, and rounded on Therion in no uncertain terms. “Explain this. Quickly. Now.” His words, though congested, carried enough vehemence in their undertone that Kia, having crossed the room to stand with him again, put a calming hand on his arm to try and call him back from doing anything perhaps more extreme than was necessary.

Therion tried to think of a reasonable starting point. Fuck. “Um…”

“Quickly,” repeated Cerberus tersely, rubbing his nose firmly to try and suppress the irritation still bothering him despite the source having been removed. Damn stuff will have permeated practically everything in here. He sniffled again, emphatically, repeatedly, and pressed the back of his hand against his nose but couldn’t stop two more sneezes, rapid and forceful, and he swore in frustration. Kia softly blessed him again, and he Mindsent her an apology, thanked her between a series of sniffles, stroked her hair.

Exhaling heavily, Therion sent a silent entreaty to the fates to please let Cerberus remember that for the vast majority of the time, he hadn’t made any monumental fuck-ups and they actually worked together really well usually, and hoped against hope for the best. “Okay, um, well, me and Bel and Crisis and Winter were just having some after-shift drinks, and Winter has an advancement thing coming up that she wanted to do a practice invocation for and so me and Bel left her and Crisis here because it…seemed okay at the time, I don’t know, man, we’d been drinking, and I didn’t ask her what she was gonna be doing but how bad could it be, I mean, fuck, she’s only level 7, I told them to clean up before they left but they only did the desk or some shit because they were still drinking after we left and… I fuckin’ don’t know, man. And then I found out they hadn’t sorted the Sorcery ritual space shit and so I came back here to deal with that and…well, you know the rest of it.” He looked at Cerberus in trepidation. “I’m really fucking sorry, man.”

Cerberus cleared his throat, sniffled and blew his nose again, excusing himself with annoyance evident, and tried to steady his breathing, still somewhat erratic. “You will impress upon Crisis without question that the only reason he’s lived through this night is because it’s you telling him the following rather than me. If he or anyone else ever either performs or allows a Sorcery ritual to take place in the Demonics Office again, there will be no…no further warnings such as this one, and I…” He inhaled shakily, another rising itch threatening to derail him, but he pressed a firm hand against his nose in ironhard determination and managed to see it off, at least for the time being. “And I guarantee that repercussions will not be delivered with mercy.”

Therion nodded, chastened but relieved, given what other…significantly worse outcomes could have transpired, and agreed to do as tasked.

Cerberus paused a moment, considering. “And also, Therion? You will do whatever it takes to fumigate this place by tomorrow, and if you ever allow anything like this to occur again, your Understudy position is forfeit. Clear?”

Therion nodded again. “Crystal.”

With a short, sharp sniff, Cerberus pushed several wayward strands of ebony hair from his face and rubbed still-itchy eyes. “I have had entirely enough of tonight,” he said. “By tomorrow, Therion. Oh, and find out where the hell Crisis thought he should file my papers for the Take introduction two nights from now. Because it’s nowhere that makes a-any… Huh-TSCHH-uu! Goddamnit! *SNF!*” He pushed his hair back again, more roughly this time, his tolerance for this nonsense absolutely done. “Any fucking sense.”

He sighed, recentering himself somewhat as he shifted his attention from Therion to Kia, and wrapped an arm around his bonded’s waist, kissing her on the top of her head. “Shall we?” he asked, indicating the door. :I can’t believe I actually would have preferred to walk in on couch sex.:

Kia burst out laughing, shaking her head and reining in her laughter to a degree as Therion looked at her in curiosity. “Nothing,” she said, “nothing.”

Cerberus gave her a wry, knowing smile, claimed a few more tissues, and they left the Office without further ado, Kia stopping him as soon as they were out the door.

“Okay, so, why didn’t you mention birchbark when I asked you about allergies?” She raised her eyebrows at him archly. “Because Therion obviously knew about it.”

“Well, I’m hardly ever in contact with it.” Cerberus wasn’t even sure he’d remembered its existence at the time he’d been asked, anyway. “It’s not used in Demonics, and I’m never involved in cleansing invocations. Ridiculous things, really. I have encountered it in the Sorcery department before, some time ago – though that is probably why Therion recognised it, I suppose.” He looked at Kia in vaguely perplexed apology. “It’s just…I’ve never really thought of it as an allergy. Yes, sometimes it makes me sneeze, but…”

“Sometimes?!” Kia gave him a look of incredulity. “Babe.”

Cerberus chuckled, low and dark, sniffling again. “Alright, I do realise how that sounds, love, but I’ve never—” A catch of breath, brow creased anew, and a momentary pause. “—never had that level of exposure before and… ah-HH…” He inhaled deeply as the burning tickle returned with fresh, demanding insistence. “HAHTSCHH-uu! *SNF!* Gods! Honestly.” He sniffled again, sighed and wiped his nose. “Sorry, love. Pardon me.”

“Bless you, sweetheart. Nice timing.” With a gentle laugh and softvisceral thrill, Kia embraced him. “Tell you what,” she said seductively, trailing a manicured fingernail down his arm and giving him a warm, inviting grin. “If you Teleport us home, I’ll get you out of these clothes and into a hot shower.”

She stood on tiptoe, curled a hand through his hair, kissed him with unmissable promise. :And some hot company.:

 ----

[imreallyhereforkataang]

On The Southern Raiders

Several months ago, a fellow ATLA-consumer asked me the following in reference to TSR:

I came across a post (on tumblr, what a surprise!) the other day saying that Aang never seemed to care about Katara’s feelings revolving around her mom. […] Do you think people genuinely interpreted Aang’s actions like that? Simply by watching? Or are they purposely misconstruing it?

I responded with the vast majority of what follows. It was a while afterwards that I rejoined the fandom for long enough to see the massive spectrum of takes on The Southern Raiders that continues to be put out on the daily.

There seems to be this recurring idea that Aang’s actions in TSR demonstrate that, not only did Aang “never care about Katara’s pain” regarding her mother, but also that he was “forcing his morals on her,” etc. On the topic of whether people honestly believe this to be in Aang’s character or see him this way deliberately, I think sometimes they jump to the conclusion that Aang didn’t care because it stems from a misconstrued interpretation of Aang and Katara as individuals and their dynamic as presented in the show, which may extend to the belief that Aang doesn’t give back what Katara gives to him. In general, I can see how someone might form that impression, but they’re missing some key contextual pieces.

Just a quick disclaimer: This is (obviously) a look into TSR and dives into Katara and Aang, both as individuals and together. I try to make this fairly objective while relaying my own opinions, but this will subsequently hold pro-Kataang rhetoric, platonic or no. Additionally, because this is TSR we’re talking about, I do allude to elements here that mold into what I see as ‘specific common misconceptions about Z*tara’s romantic compatibility based off this one particular episode.’ Why are these relevant? Because there is a clear trend where the people trying to put Aang down or even demonize him for this episode are often pro-canon!Z*tara advocates. To be clear, I don’t have an issue with people who ship them for fun outside of canon, so if you like romantic Z*tara but also appreciate Aang, any perceived digs are not directed towards you! But I think some of these things are worth mentioning here in the interest of examining TSR and Aang-bashing.

(Also fair warning that this is nearing 7k words.)

So, with that out of the way:

I briefly mentioned how people can misinterpret Katara and Aang’s back-and-forths in terms of emotional support, and I feel like that starts with Katara.

Katara is a naturally caring person and earnestly reaches outward to empathize with people. She’s extremely perceptive when someone is hurting (the only one to look concerned when Aang showed gripes about killing Ozai in The Phoenix King) and is often seen as the nurturing character who will coax others to talk about their inner struggles (she does this with Toph in The Runaway and Zuko in The Old Masters, for instance).

Time and time again, when Aang has struggled on his Avatar journey, Katara has been the one to get him to open up and articulate his turmoil, ultimately supporting him or convincing him that there is still hope for better days. She’s been there for him at all times, from The Storm to The Avatar State to Bitter Work to The Serpent’s Pass to The Awakening and beyond, exercising patience and care. It’s a role she undertakes, and as Aang is our main character and undergoing, arguably (I guess? But to me inarguably), the most of everyone in the gaang, it makes sense that Katara, given her empathetic nature and their strong bond, will often be the one expressing true concern for Aang.

So we know that when Aang struggles, which we understandably see a lot of, Katara is his rock. But what about giving back when Katara struggles?

When it comes to Katara’s share of turmoil, the death of her mother and how it continues to impact her is one of her greatest sources of pain. Honestly, it might be one of the only times we actually watch her struggle on her own, as Katara tends to be a powerful self-advocate (see: The Waterbending Master). The thing is, even though Katara has mentioned losing her mother several times throughout the series, and of course she always sounds regretful when it’s brought up, she tends to keep the rawness of her associated sorrow bottled up. Almost every time Katara mentions the death of her mother, it’s been, in very Katara-like fashion, to express understanding towards others. With the exception of @Zuko in the crystal catacombs and TSR, she only brings up her own grief to empathize (@Aang in The Southern Air Temple to prepare him for the genocide and show understanding when he grieves, @Haru in Imprisoned when Haru talks about connecting with his father, @Jet in Jet when he talks about losing his own parents to the Fire Nation, and @Hama in The Puppetmaster when talking about losing members of the Southern Water Tribe). Really, The Crossroads of Destiny and TSR are the only times Katara actually brings up her own pain for the sake of bringing up her own pain, and it’s not often that we see her physically break down over it like we do in the former.

Katara isn’t the sort of person to bring up her turmoil simply for her own needs, or because she realizes it’s weighing on her heavily in that moment. It’s a sore spot that’s changed her behavior (as Sokka explains in The Runaway), making her grow up faster, and that she’s continued to carry for years and years. And yet, again, before The Southern Raiders, we never watched her actively cry over her mother except for when she was alone in The Swamp and with Zuko in The Crossroads of Destiny (and also perhaps when she was alone in The Runaway).

Thus, The Southern Raiders is an interesting episode because it’s where those feelings Katara has been harboring are fully brought to the surface and, in extent, it’s the episode where we see Katara at her lowest point. All of that pain is made fresh and present, the murder no longer feeling like something that happened long ago with, as she believed, no available ends to tie (“Now that I know he’s out there, now that I know we can find him, I feel like I have no choice”), and it causes her to lose sight of herself. That’s not only starkly reflected in her decision to bloodbend, but also in how she doubts that anyone understands her pain.

Katara undermines Sokka’s hurt at the same loss she’s experienced and forgets all the struggle that Aang has had to endure from the start. Not only does he know how it feels to lose a parental figure (Gyatso) to the Fire Nation and not have been able to help (“My people needed me and I wasn’t there to help”; “I’m not the helpless little girl I was when they came”), but he also knows how it feels to lose an entire culture (something only Katara and Hama have similar experience with). And Katara knows this – she’s the one he’s expressed the most of his grief to, and yet here she forgets that. So we can already see how this opportunity Zuko has given Katara, the chance to find her mother’s killer and the anticipation that she feels from it, is bringing out a darker side of her that, unlike the Katara we know and that she wants to be, does not empathize or pause to understand. She’s so engrossed in her own pain, for the first time in so long, that she can’t see beyond it.

In consequence to this episode being about Katara’s emotional journey, I think The Southern Raiders is the most opportune time to observe who will give Katara what she has always displayed towards others. When a character undergoes the level of hurt Katara expresses here, it’s usually she who reaches out to that person, but now it’s her turn to be emotionally compromised. Now we get to see who steps up to the plate.

A lot of people conclude that this person is Zuko. That he’s the one who will reach out to her and connect with her emotionally to help her deal with that pain. I do agree that Zuko played a vital role in Katara’s emotional journey here – he was the catalyst for it. He had an established motivation to get off her bad side and onto her good side, a possible solution alluded to him, and knowledge that comes with hailing from the Fire Nation to go forth with his idea. And he does, and he’s physically there to help Katara through its execution.

However, Zuko making the effort to give Katara this opportunity does not reflect a lack of effort on Aang’s part. Firstly, because, as explained, Aang didn’t see how raw this pain still was to Katara. At this point, Zuko had been on the receiving end of two beratements where Katara angrily mentioned her mother’s death. Aang was not, nor did he witness these incidents. Aang understood the significance of her necklace (Bato of the Water Tribe) and looked concerned for her when she mentioned her vision (The Swamp), but Katara never seemed to express to Aang just how raw her mother’s death still felt, just as Sokka never did. She mentions it in The Southern Air Temple, but their topic of discussion was the Fire Nation killing the airbenders, and Aang was trying to fend off the idea that they might have committed genocide against his people. Considering context, there’s no reason to fault Aang for any of the things he did on this issue, or a lack thereof.

Just as Katara and Sokka thought, Aang probably believed it was a concluded topic in terms of active response. It was something that happened years ago, Aang was in an iceberg at the time, and neither Katara nor Sokka nor Aang thought it was something to go back on and revisit. When Katara yelled at Zuko, she never suggested looking for the killer. And again with that quote, “Now that I know he’s out there,” I don’t think hunting for the man was on anyone’s mind. As a viewer, it was never on my mind, either.

What Zuko had that the rest of Team Avatar did not was direction and knowledge on how they could potentially track down this specific Fire Nation military official. Even Sokka, who could remember the emblem of the Southern Raiders and underwent the same loss Katara did, not only seemed to have no intention of tracking his mother’s murderer, but also took Aang’s side when Zuko and Katara explained what they were planning to do.

Which supports the next point – regarding how Aang responded to the idea once it was out there.

Quick tangent, but it’s a scene like this that shows how Aang’s feelings for Katara have matured. The way he reacts to Katara in The Southern Raiders conveys how he knows she’s not perfect, he knows she can make mistakes, and even if, to some, he comes off as trying to hinder her on this sensitive topic, he overtly wants what’s best for her.

Aang recognizes the change in Katara’s demeanor when she approaches him about borrowing Appa. He seems to notice that something is off about her energy, probably to this extent for the first time, just as for the audience, and his instinct is not to step out of her way and “stay on her good side,” but to try and assess the situation before he lets her go in the condition she’s in. Katara is undeniably not thinking clearly during this scene, nor for much of the episode’s proceedings, given her tone, expressions, words, and intent. She’s undergoing, just as Aang says, “unbelievable pain and rage” (callback to The Avatar State; “for the people who love you, watching you be in that much rage and pain is really scary”). Aang understands where Katara is coming from, and he offers her his two cents, but he doesn’t “force” them on her, either.

Watching how Aang’s expression changes between looking at Zuko and Katara, he appears intent and almost stern towards the former. But for Katara, he’s first treading the waters, then concerned and earnest. Aang doesn’t shame Katara for her dark rhetoric or tell her what she should or shouldn’t do, but tries to help her regain some control of her emotions (“Katara, you sound like Jet” – he knows this side of Katara isn’t truly her, or who she wants to be, and this comment might serve to give her insight as to how she sounds) and then offers Katara a choice. Aang makes light of an option that she’s overlooked upon having this opportunity, and he tries to explain why the road she’s going down, the way she’s choosing to handle the situation, is self-destructive. All in all, he’s looking out for her. In his own way, he’s doing for Katara what Katara would have done for him.

I think it’s made fairly clear that, had Katara killed Yon Rha, (who, while, yes, is vile and got away with murder, was also defenseless against Katara by the time she caught up with him), she would’ve regretted her decision. The frightening thing is that I don’t believe she would have accepted that regret from herself, either. It would always remain a blemish in her energy (mind you, not because murder will inherently do this to everyone in ATLA, but it would to Katara specifically given her nature), something that would make her forever carry a bit of that darkness we so rarely see from her, much heavier and more permanent than withholding forgiveness, instead of following “Let your anger out, and then let it go.”

Here’s the thing people seem to forget about TSR: Canon shows us that Aang’s method for handling the situation is beneficial to Katara. It’s true that Zuko was the catalyst for this journey and he was there to help Katara see it through, but it isn’t true to say that Aang didn’t do her a favor by reaching out and being honest with her before they left. Remember the ultimate note on this side story: “You were right about what Katara needed. Violence wasn’t the answer.” The narrative teaches us that Aang was correct on this front – maybe not for everyone, but he wasn’t trying to nudge everyone. He was trying to nudge Katara.

I recently acquired the official DVD commentary for The Southern Raiders. I’ve transcribed relevant points on the end of this post if you’d like to read them in full, but Bryan and Andrea Romano (voice director) talk about how “even though Aang is sort of not in this story very much, to me his presence is in all of these scenes ‘cause you know he’s like, the little angel on her shoulder”; “I agree with you, he is with her through this entire journey she goes through.”

The fact that what Aang said resonated with Katara when it mattered – Katara, who becomes stubborn when she feels strongly about something, who doesn’t let anyone stop her when she disagrees with them, who is going through the most raw, emotional turbulence we have seen her in throughout the show –, the fact that Katara ultimately agreed with Aang’s words, that his words were the aid she needed in realizing there was a decision in either killing Yon Rha or sparing him, hugely states that Aang was there for Katara. Aang helped her see she had a choice for her own sake when her mind was clouded by pain and rage. You don’t need supplementary commentary to see that – Katara was seriously considering revenge, Zuko was leaning towards punishing Yon Rha but, for the most part, staying out of the decision (though based on the two back-and-forths he had with Aang before they left and his reaction to Katara walking away from bloodbending the wrong man, he didn’t realize how detrimental to Katara killing Yon Rha would be – his intention when giving Katara this opportunity was ultimately to gain some ground with her, and while he shares a sense of her pain, he doesn’t foresee what the nature of this journey will do to impact Katara specifically, which I get since he hardly knows her), and so it was ultimately Aang who helped Katara find her path even when he wasn’t there with her physically.

People can argue that Aang was forcing his morals on Katara, but he wasn’t. He was offering valid wisdom, yet pressing enough to hope that she’d actually listen and maybe react, as she did, rather than Aang simply standing back. It would’ve been easy for Aang to do nothing (like he said) and not risk coming off as unconcerned about her feelings, like he did to some viewers, because we know how Aang feels about Katara and that he doesn’t want to create rifts between them. But he risked stirring them, in her volatile state, in order to get his point across, if it meant that in consequence there would be a better chance Katara wouldn’t make the mistake that he knows would haunt her after this foreign mood of hers has passed. Aang isn’t about to let her go without trying to help her, even when she seems to not want help. It’s not in Katara’s nature to seek emotional support, and the audience has never seen her like this, but Aang recognizes that she needs the nudge (which, had her mind been clearer, she’d apparently agree with over her idea of revenge) and gives it openly and hopefully, even when she isn’t in a receptive state (or so it seemed). Again, Aang’s “morals” in this case of murder turned out to be, as he suspected, compatible with Katara’s as well as Sokka’s, so clearly he did a good thing there.

I think some people believe that Aang “forces his morals” on Katara because they’re under the impression that Aang’s concern is the general idea that she will kill somebody, the persons involved being irrelevant. That he’s acting selfishly and, in the interest of aligning with his own ideals, doesn’t want the girl he loves to be “corrupted.” This sort of mindset that “he’s against killing, so he won’t let Katara have this” leads to the conclusion that he’s not giving her the free reign to make her own choice.

However, this idea is debunked again and again in the episode. Aang says, clear as day, “I wasn’t planning to [try and stop you]. This is a journey you need to take. You need to face this man. But when you do, please don’t choose revenge” as Katara turns away from him to go, and Aang stands back and watches with concern. He’s not being “forceful” – he’s being honest, like Katara’s been for him, and even supportive. If Aang really wanted to ensure that Katara followed his own morals, if he were actually not giving her free reign, he would’ve either disallowed Katara and Zuko from taking Appa or gone along with them. Aang could’ve justified joining the mission – it is his bison and that would split up the gaang evenly. He could’ve forced himself on this journey and used the time before meeting Yon Rha to monitor Katara like a chaperone, believing he’s just trying to help and making sure she doesn’t get hurt.

And yet he doesn’t. He lets Katara do this, and his parting words continue to be what he hopes she’ll choose. But his final action, letting her set off with Appa and leaving him behind, means that he’s leaving the decision up to her.

I feel like people completely forget some segments of the episode. Like how Sokka says “I think Aang might be right” and doesn’t go on the journey that he has as much reason to embark on as Katara does. Or how Katara literally says right before departing, “Thanks for understanding, Aang.”

Aang’s stance on Katara getting revenge goes beyond Aang just being against killing – he’s not voicing his opinion out of defense of Yon Rha or because he doesn’t want to love someone who went against his morals. He’s doing it because he knows what Katara’s going through and he doesn’t want her to have to face the consequences of letting the pain get the better of her. He’s trying to help her from going down a dark road, not for himself, but for her, because he knows her and knows this is something she would regret.

So when Katara tells him later that she didn’t forgive Yon Rha, Aang doesn’t push her or ask questions. He’s glad – and proud – that she didn’t do something that would’ve permanently hurt her, and beyond that, she could dissent from his morals as she liked. When Aang saw Katara after her trip, the first thing he did was run to her purely to ask if she was okay, not to discover whether she killed; he already knew from Zuko.

Bottom line is that Aang cared about her feelings. Particularly the feelings of the Katara she normally is, the Katara she means to be, the Katara who doesn’t bloodbend or unempathize, the Katara who’s hurting and whose pain is getting the better of her. Aang saw what was happening and did what he could to help, nudging her on the path she needed when her vision was clouded (sounds like Katara helping Aang when he’s in the Avatar State. Again, The Southern Raiders provides an instance of Aang giving back to Katara what she’s given to him, like with The Desert/The Serpent’s Pass, his pain from which Aang pointed out in “How do you think I felt about the sandbenders when they stole Appa?”).

Overall, people might honestly interpret Aang as being unsympathetic this episode, and I can see how from a superficial standpoint. But by doing so, they’re missing the significance of Aang’s choice to reach out and the importance it played in helping Katara conserve her own image of herself. She bloodbends someone – not even confirming that it’s the right person, first – in a rush of pain and rage after practically swearing it off less than ten episodes ago, so she clearly loses some semblance of herself during this episode, and it’s Aang who makes the most effort to help her find balance without getting in the way of her search. Ultimately, Aang’s role in TSR demonstrates how well he understands her personally, as well as his ability to step back and let her make her own decisions while still offering a viewpoint that her pain prevents her from seeing.

—-

Okay, big breath. Halfway through. I’d like to talk in more depth about how Aang understands Katara’s position.

I was thinking once again about Aang saying, “I do understand. You’re feeling unbelievable pain and rage. How do you think I felt about the sandbenders when they stole Appa? How do you think I felt about the Fire Nation when I found out what happened to my people?” As presented to us, those two incidents had several things in common.

Aang went into the Avatar State due to intense emotion, as opposed to a life/death situation, and caused mass destruction that risked placing harm on others. And both of these times, Katara was the one to pull him out of that state. An important thing to note is that there’s one other moment very similar, but not identical, to these, which took place in The Avatar State. Just like in The Southern Air Temple and The Desert, Aang entered the Avatar State due to intense emotion, out of anguish when losing Katara. But the difference here was the amount of destruction caused. When Aang lost control of himself, he went through with hurting the people in his vicinity, and when he came out of that state, he hated to see what he’d done. Aang told Katara that he hoped she’d never have to see him like that again, and he hoped it for himself, too (but, of course, she did see him like that again in The Desert).

What I’m trying to show here is that Katara losing herself to her “pain and rage” in The Southern Raiders parallels Aang losing himself to his “rage and pain” in The Avatar State, not just in The Southern Air Temple and The Desert, as he directly references. But why am I so adamant about The Avatar State as opposed to those other two episodes?

Because we saw the lasting effect that The Avatar State had on Aang. There are many analyses out there that explain how Aang has had to struggle with control over his vast power, oftentimes depicting it as something he’s afraid of. For so long, Aang fears the Avatar State, what he’s capable of while in it, and how he can’t regulate his actions when it occurs. This conflict comes up time and time again, and a huge part of his character arc is involved with that struggle.

But again, for the significance of The Avatar State episode specifically, I was thinking about chakras in The Guru. From his Earth Chakra, we see that Aang continues to fear himself in the Avatar State, and from his Water Chakra, we see that one of his two greatest sources of guilt is that he lost control of himself in The Avatar State due to his rage and pain, lamenting that he “hurt all of those people” (the other being that he ran away, which, as mentioned before, is tied with his guilt at not being there to help and isn’t unlike the anguish Katara must feel now at not having been able to help her mother, get her father’s help fast enough, etc.). Pathik tells him that, in order to open his Water Chakra, to absolve the guilt and let the pleasure flow, “you need to forgive yourself.”

So here we have this idea that forgiveness is the key step to opening a person’s Water Chakra. Water, symbolizing pleasure and healing. “It’s easy to do nothing, but it’s hard to forgive.” “Forgiveness is the first step you have to take to begin healing.” These things Aang says in The Southern Raiders reflect what Pathik taught him about the Water Chakra.

Forgiving oneself is (obviously) different from forgiving your mother’s killer, but with this insight it’s clear that Aang personally understands how it feels to let your pain and rage get the better of you, and how it hurts deeply to face the consequences of your actions once the moment has passed. He recognizes that Katara is in a state not unlike the one he’s in when he loses control (“I do understand”) and he doesn’t want that for her. He wants Katara to be able to regain control of her actions and navigate out of her clouded vision so that she can make the choice that’s right for her. Aang is trying to help Katara see the pieces she’s missing, like how Katara does for Aang when he’s in the Avatar State.

Forgiveness is a necessary step in order to heal, and maybe it wasn’t a choice Katara ultimately made, but that was a decision Aang accepted. She didn’t kill Yon Rha, she didn’t have to now struggle with guilt or having to admit to that guilt, and she didn’t have to be faced with the strenuous task of forgiving herself for something she definitely would not have wanted to admit needed forgiving for. She saved herself from the pain that could have resulted from her own actions, because Aang helped her see she had a choice. When it mattered, when she was about to deliver the final blow, Aang’s words helped her pull out of that emotion-induced near-equivalent of an “Avatar State.”

To me it’s really fascinating to see the connections between these incidents – The Southern Raiders plus the three episodes where Aang enters the Avatar State out of emotion/rage (almost four if you count The Storm, but he manages to contain it when Katara calls out). The way these arcs parallel each other (“I went through the same thing when I lost my mom”; “How do you think I felt about the Fire Nation?”; “Watching you be in that much rage and pain is really scary…I can’t watch you do this to yourself”; “As you watch your enemy go down, you’re being poisoned yourself”) and ultimately culminate in acts of mercy. It’s incredible how Aang and Katara are able to reach each other when they’re in their emotional states, and know what the other needs and who they are when they lose themselves.

In addition, I also think Andrea’s point about how Aang “teaches” Katara is further reflective of the impact Aang has on the people around him. I’ve seen many circulating posts about how Aang hailing from the time before the war and being raised by the Air Nomads allows him to bring a unique, positive influence to those around him who, in contrast, grew up in war-time and were most likely (Bumi is an exception) never alive in the time of the Air Nomads. However, along with the lightheartedness and fun (see: The Avatar Returns and The Headband), this also includes the specific wisdom and peacekeeping ways of the airbenders that became lost in the war, and that Aang symbolically ends the war with: An act of mercy, thus showcasing the survival and triumph of the Air Nomads as well as the Avatar. In TSR, Aang shares this wisdom with Katara – that the choice exists, and there is strength in not choosing revenge and electing forgiveness if she so resonated with it.

[Click here]    

—-

Back to the original question –

It may be possible that if someone were to overlook some characterizations and watch The Southern Raiders episodically, as opposed to as part of a whole arc, then they might genuinely form the impression that Aang is in the wrong here. I think I myself might’ve been a bit surprised by his approach when I was younger (though Katara’s attitude was also very surprising and even unsettling), but that was also at an age where I didn’t really understand the severity of the situation and just how much Katara was drifting from herself, or what killing Yon Rha could do to her, or, simply, in that volatile state, what she needed to hear.

I’ll be honest (drawing from personal experience, not sure if others relate) – I think as a child, one may not see the episode as intended because, unlike many other episodes, the takeaway lessons in The Southern Raiders are either expressed through words or an instance of not doing something (the instant where Katara doesn’t kill Yon Rha, since not doing something is less stark to a child than doing something). It’s a gray story in terms of right/wrong, and when you’re young, I can see why those lessons are misinterpreted because the viewer gets so caught up in the adrenaline rush of the action in this episode, the stealth, the bloodbending, the frightening amount of anger in Katara. It consumes most of the viewing experience, and within all that, the ultimate big lesson that “Violence wasn’t the answer” might get missed because violence or violent intent constituted almost all of the runtime. I see people who don’t remember this episode as a commentary on vengeance/forgiveness/the middle ground, but as “the one where Katara and Zuko got super badass."

Getting older, The Southern Raiders is such a gruesome episode. I now see the crucial, ‘quieter’ points that I overlooked as a child. Things like Sokka siding with Aang, Katara thanking Aang for his understanding, Zuko ultimately agreeing with Aang’s assessment of what Katara needed. Sad thing is that some people don’t appear to see this episode the way it was intended in time. TSR requests a perceptive mind from its audience, and some people don’t seem open to that.

I feel that this episode is often treated as shedding light on canon romantic Z*tara for similar reasons as to why people might miss the lessons – Zuko and Katara look cool and badass, on their way to kill a man. It’s exciting to see them working together, the nature of the mission is intriguing, but understanding subtext means acknowledging the tragic underlining of the episode, that it’s painful, that it’s Katara’s journey. It’s disappointing to me when some people chalk up Zuko and Katara’s relationship to being “badass” and “sexy” as a result of The Southern Raiders. It feels out-of-context, caught up in the “coolness” of this episode and misinterpreting physical synchrony as emotional, especially since their dynamic changes anyhow after Katara forgives him.

The episode presents very clearly that Zuko wasn’t right in his assumption about what Katara needed. Again, not necessarily his fault, although his comments about "Air Temple preschool,” “Guru Goody-Goody,” and forgiveness being “the same as doing nothing” display his skepticism of going the peaceful route (though this is curious to me given how often he showed mercy towards Zhao). He honestly didn’t realize the implications this journey would have on Katara, but by the end of the episode, I think it’s safe to say Zuko learned that Aang knew what he was talking about. Aang, whose whole nation and father figure were killed, and yet was able to forgive. Who could see how Katara was responding to the information Zuko gave her.

That’s not to discount Zuko’s role here. Maybe Katara did need closure, and Aang did say “This is a journey you need to take” (although, I do wonder, as Aang asked originally, what it ultimately accomplished. I get that Katara felt like she needed to take the opportunity once Zuko handed it to her, “Now that I know we can find him,” but if Zuko had never brought it up, would things be different? I hope it accomplished something in regards to Katara’s turmoil – perhaps she was able to forgive herself in that she could finally confront the man who did this, when all those years ago she came back with help “too late” – but at least she forgave Zuko in consequence), but this journey was so emotionally turbulent for Katara, heavy to the point where she wasn’t even herself anymore (as said in The Avatar State, “I saw you get so upset that you weren’t even you”).

Therefore, I personally find that simplifying TSR into “Katara and Zuko being cool” to the point where people glorify the way Katara acts in this episode insulting to her character, simply because I don’t enjoy watching deep pain morph Katara into becoming something she dislikes (see: Bloodbending and how it’s often glamorized in fandom). To me, it’s not as if she’s honing something akin to her inner strength. Katara is an extremely powerful character, which is shown time and time again, and her power comes from her physical capabilities as well as her inner strength. “Hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.” Bam, Katara right there. “I don’t know if it’s because I’m too weak to do it or if it’s because I’m strong enough not to.” As is a theme in this show, there is a strength in restraint.

In her right mind, Katara would be horrified by her actions in The Southern Raiders, or at least what her ultimate intention was, and if people more closely understood Katara as she is, then I feel like they’d agree. As Aang did.

—-

Do I think there are people out there who deliberately reimagine TSR as ‘the episode where Aang was a “self-righteous prick” to Katara’? Yes, absolutely. As for motivation, I can’t really think of any reason for trying to make Aang look bad besides trying to make him look bad in comparison to another character (i.e. Zuko here), or maybe people have their own personal reasons for disagreeing with Aang’s sentiment while forgetting that Katara ultimately does not (in regards to the killing). Or maybe people just dislike main characters who manage to uphold their morals and it goes in-hand with those who think Aang should’ve killed Ozai.

—-

Honestly, there’s a lot more that can be said on the topic in regards to what Katara learned about herself in TSR, as such might be reflected in her active choice to spare Azula in Avatar Aang (which Bryan notes in his commentary: “Katara also finding a peaceful means” in reference to Aang), but frankly I’m kind of exhausted so I’m gonna leave this half-baked copy-and-paste from something I wrote earlier this month:

I feel like the only people Katara has harbored legitimately murderous thoughts towards have been Yon Rha (her mother’s killer) and Zuko and Azula (Aang’s killers, indirectly and directly), indicated by that unique energy she’s carried around those three that we don’t see a lot from her, where her voice becomes lower and the weight of her words more threatening (also the fact that she issued clear death threats to the first two).  

For the final Agni Kai, Zuko planned on ending Azula. He goaded her into using lightning and intended to redirect it at her (he didn’t want to, of course, as Bryke noted, but that was the decision). So it’s striking to me when Katara, despite having a very opportune chance to end Azula and knowing Zuko wouldn’t have judged her for it since he was about to do the same, makes the active choice to keep her alive. Katara could have unfrozen herself and gotten to Zuko immediately, but instead she took the time to restrain Azula and allow her to live. And I do believe that a part of the decision was made clearer to her after the events of TSR. Katara realized, subconsciously or no, what she isn’t, and that she’d try to preserve Azula if she could despite how much she might hate her for what she did last season.

—-

DVD Commentary for The Southern Raiders

[…]

Andrea Romano: This is where she does bloodbending, right? So scary!

Bryan Konietzko: It’s this dark skill that she reluctantly learned in episode 3x08. And there’s another important lesson – it’s like, once you have power over someone, are you strong enough not to use it? Or, use restraint in life?

Dante Basco: […] The thought of bloodbending is an idea that – it’s just crazy! Like, the average television or Nickelodeon show […] is not thinking about bloodbending. But yet it’s a very possible situation in this world, and I think that’s what makes it so exciting for people who watch the show.

Michael Dante DiMartino: Yeah and it’s not a skill that they take very – or certainly that Katara takes – lightly. It’s a very serious proposition to do that on somebody.

AR: And it’s not treated lightly. Here she is, she’s so close to being out of control. And that’s what adds so much to the drama of it, is, we think, she could really lose it here and really do something that she regrets for the rest of her life. But she manages to hold herself.

[…]

BK: We see that she’s unbalanced emotionally, and so that’s what’s coming out.

AR: […] But we can only hope she’ll make the right choice. (Imploringly) Use your powers for good!

BK: I love that, even though Aang is sort of not in this story very much, to me his presence is in all of these scenes ‘cause you know he’s like, the little angel on her shoulder-

AR: Absolutely, yeah.

BK: -y'know, that she’s ignoring at this time. And so, to me it really is a story about Aang because it’s like, it’s just about him trying to have influence over her actions from afar – just, by not telling her what she has to do, but just by gently suggesting what she try to achieve with this journey.

AR: It really is a juxtaposition there, where the young Aang sort of tells her, like a parent, go ahead, go out and do what you have to do, but please, I hope that you choose forgiveness rather than revenge. And here he is the young one, and she is the older one who should be, sort of, teaching him and in fact they switch and he teaches her. So I agree with you, he is with her through this entire journey she goes through.

BK: I think it’s also interesting that, if you look on paper, Aang has lost a lot more than Katara has, and he sort of gently reminds her of this. He’s like, 'Hey, my whole culture was wiped out. Everyone I’ve ever known was wiped out.’ And uh, but as we all know in real life, you can’t really quantify suffering. It’s really a personal thing and everybody…everybody’s situation, when your own world kinda crumbles, it seems like the whole world’s falling apart. You can’t really equate these things. And so, we just see Katara lost in a very human moment in this episode.

AR: I love that scene. So dramatic. You just go 'Oh no – don’t do it! Don’t do it!’

[…]

—-

DVD Commentary for Avatar Aang

[…]

Bryke: It’s sort of like a multi-stage thing. He releases his emotions, these raw feelings of anger and wrath, and then learns to control them and rise above them. […] We obviously wanted a cool moment of Aang in the Avatar State, and it was kinda finding that right story beat for him. And in this case it was him being the totally wrathful, vengeful version of the Avatar […] But it’s really not Aang. It’s really this energy that has kinda taken over him. He’s not in control at this point. […]

So, can kind of recognize this Kung Fu move he’s doing. It’s what he was having nightmares about in 2x01, as he feared being this sort of wrathful, y'know, Hand of the Avatar. That was that same kind of […] chopping motion in those 2x01 nightmare scenes. […]

I feel like that’s his defining moment. That’s why we call this episode Avatar Aang. […] He’s finally learned to control the energy. […] He’s controlling it, he’s not letting it control him. […]

[wr1ter-reader-dreamer]

Angel (Pt. 4)

Harry Styles x Reader

A/N: This one was inspired by Harry’s song Only Angel. It’s five parts in total. If you like it, be sure to give it a reblog and check out the other parts linked below. Thanks, and enjoy <3

Warnings: Slight jealousy, some making out. Swearing. It’s long. Seriously. 

Masterlist

Part 1  -  Part 2  -  Part 3  -  Part 5

Forty-five minutes later, I was all dolled up and in a cab on the way to the house where the after party was being held. Now that the situation with Harry was resolved, I was free to relax and fully enjoy my accomplishment. I had been working toward becoming a Victoria’s Secret Angel since I was eleven years old, and now, eleven years later, I finally was. 

Giddy with excitement, I pulled out my phone to text Harry and tell him that I was close. He replied almost instantly, like he’d been waiting for me.

‘Good. I’ll be out back by the pool.’

I nodded to myself and put my phone away since the cab was pulling up to the house. Thanking and paying the cabbie, I stepped out. My stomach filled with nervous excitement, and I couldn’t help but grin as I looked up at the bustling house.

It was a modern two story with large windows that allowed me to see the party in full swing inside. Music could be heard thumping at the windows, and people could be seen walking around and mingling. I caught sight of Elsa on the second floor, looking out the window at the city, and waved when she saw me. Her face split into a wide smile, to which I smiled back, and she motioned for me to meet her downstairs. Nodding at her enthusiastically, I made my way to the large front door.

The music was louder inside, the deep bass thumping through my heart immediately. I smiled and waved at a few of the girls and other people I knew as my eyes searched for Elsa. It didn’t take me long to find her quickly descending the stairs, eyes searching for me.

“Elsa!” I called when I spotted her.

She squealed and rushed to pull me into a hug, “Y/N, you made it!”

I chuckled at her enthusiasm and returned her hug, “Ya, sorry I’m late. I had something I needed to take care of.”

“Oh?” she asked, pulling back to look at me, “Is everything alright?”

“Oh ya, it just took a while,” I said with a reassuring smile.

“Good, now let’s get you a drink.”

Elsa kept me close to her side for the next hour, insisting on getting some alcohol in me and taking me to see the other girls. Every time I tried to break away, telling her I was supposed to be meeting someone, she protested and demanded that I stayed with her a little longer. Knowing how she could get when she drank and not wanting to upset my best friend out of the girls, I stayed. But time was ticking and I knew Harry had to be wondering where I was, if he was still waiting at all.

Finally Elsa became engrossed in a conversation with some photographer, and I was able to slip away. I knew she wouldn’t miss me so I didn’t feel bad about ditching her, especially since I had Harry waiting for me. 

I moved quickly through the crowd in the house, making my way out to the pool. The view caused me to pause in my search for just a moment, insisting that I take in the lights in the trees and the fields in the valley below. Shaking it off before I could get too sucked in, I searched the crowd for my childhood love.

There was a makeshift dance floor and a DJ booth set up to one side of the pool. A large crowd was dancing, and I briefly wondered how all these people got invited before moving my attention the the couched and chairs around the pool. Some groups were smaller than others, and there were even some people in the pool, but I couldn’t find Harry anywhere.

Sighing, I moved closer to the dance floor, hoping that he was over there. After a few moments of scanning the crowd, I was about ready to give up when I spotted his soft brown curls.

I realized that the reason I hadn’t been able to see him before was because he was laying down on one of the couches that had its back to me. Now, I saw that his head was on the lap of one of his band members, the woman who had played the drums. In fact he was surrounded by women, models to be precise. I rolled my eyes at how the young women leaned forward and ogled him as he spoke. Harry just basked in the attention, the exact same attention whore he had been since we were younger.

As Harry laughed, pushing himself up and out of his bandmate’s lap, I considered turning around, going back to Elsa, and getting black-out drunk. Harry was the same as he’d always been. He had always loved attention, especially the attention of pretty women, and right now, he had the attention of a lot of pretty women. I honestly didn’t know how I could compete with that, and I was jealous. I was now willing to admit that I was jealous of the attention he gave those women because I still loved him, and because of that, I didn’t want to be sober anymore.

Just as I was about to turn around and go drown myself in a bottle of vodka, Harry caught site of me. His entire face lit up, granting me with a large, genuinely happy smile and a view of his dimples. Looking away only briefly, he made a quick excuse to his group and in turn earned a knowing smile from his bandmate. Then he was pushing himself up and practically bounding over to me.

I couldn’t help but laugh, my heart melting at his enthusiasm. He was like a big puppy, so happy to see his person after a long day away. I realized that I was that person he was so excited to see, but refused to think about what that meant.

“Angel, you finally made it!” Harry called over the music, engulfing me in a giant hug as soon as he reached me.

“Hey, Harry,” I laughed, hugging him back.

I could feel the eyes of the models Harry had just left watching us as we stayed connected a few seconds longer than appropriate, but I didn’t care. Harry’s hugs had always been my favorite. He held you so close and secure, you just couldn’t help but feel safe. His hug brought out all of the feelings I was never good at hiding and didn’t want to deny anymore.

All too soon Harry squeezed me tighter then released me, pulling back to look me over. He whistled lowly and appreciatively at what he saw.

“Damn,” he swore, biting his lip, “you look gorgeous.”

I blushed a little but smiled. Alessandra and Elsa had helped me pick this dress months ago when I was first told I’d be walking as an official Angel, wings and all. I was worried that it was too much, but they both insisted that I looked amazing and this was the perfect place to wear it. Now, seeing Harry’s face, I was glad I did.

The dress was essentially simple, all tight black material clinging to my curves and stopping mid thigh. The stunning part was the neckline. A black collar twisted around my neck then parted at my chest, remaining open in a deep V that stopped just above my belly button. A harness shaped chain of crystals held the two sides closed and wrapped around my shoulders to drape delicately down the open back. At first I was self-conscious about putting so much skin on display, but considering I had just walked a globally broadcasted fashion show in nothing but lingerie and heels, I decided it really didn’t matter.

“Thank you,” I answered, giving Harry the same inspection he gave me, “You look pretty good yourself.”

He took a step back and did a little spin so I could see his outfit fully, making me laugh. He was wearing fitted black jeans and an open black suit jacket. Underneath was a loose fitting sky blue shirt with little white flower-like symbols on it. The shirt was halfway unbuttoned, leaving his smooth skin and a simple silver cross on display. When he moved, the swallows on his chest played peek-a-boo through the opening. His short hair sat as messy chocolate curls, a perfectly styled mess. All in all, he looked every bit the heart throb we both knew he truly was.

“Thanks, angel,” he grinned.

“Of course, but that sure is a lot of skin on display tonight, Mr. Styles,” I teased, trigging on the lapel of his jacket.

Harry laughed, dimples on full display, “You’re one to talk. Aren’t you afraid you’ll get cold wearing this dress in December?”

I shrugged, a coy smile tugging at the corners of my lips, “No. I figured if I got cold it’d be easy enough to find a man willing to lend me his jacket.”

“You’re not wrong there, love,” He said, glancing around, “you’ve already got them all starin’.”

I rolled my eyes internally, knowing full well that this wasn’t even the most revealing outfit here. It was obvious to me that Harry was jealous, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me kind of giddy. Seeing Harry again and resolving our past was bringing up feelings I’d been burying since I saw pictures of him and Taylor Swift for the first time. I had missed him and all the fun we’d had together. I was scared to admit it, but I hoped that the way he was acting, his choice to release that song, meant that he missed me too. Most of all, I hoped he wanted me back too.

Deciding that teasing Harry was fun, and that I wanted to see more of his jealous side, I looked around, “Really, you think so? ‘Cause I haven’t had a boyfriend in a long time, and I wouldn’t mind finding a cute one.”

“Well I might know of a pretty cute guy who’s been looking for an Angel,” Harry hummed, pulling me against his chest.

“Ya?” I grinned as I placed my hands on his shoulders.

He nodded, “Ya, and right now he’d like to ask that Angel to dance.”

“I don’t know,” I teased, “if it’s who I think it is, this Angel might not want to dance with him.”

“And why the hell not?” Harry asked, pulling away in mock offense.

I grinned at him, disconnecting myself and preparing to run, “Because if I remember correctly, he’s not a very good dancer, and I have a reputation to uphold.”

He growled and lunged after me, but I just laughed and took off running toward the house the best I could in six inch heels. Harry caught me in no time, picking me up from behind and spinning me around. I squealed and giggled, drawing attention to us but not caring. Harry growled again, nipping at my ear as he carried me toward the dance floor. I laughed again, stilling in his arms so he didn’t accidentally drip me as he walked. 

“We’ll see about me being a bad dancer,” Harry growled, placing me down on the edge of the dance floor and spinning me around to face him.

I chuckled as I stumbled against him, “Whatever you say Mr. Styles.”

Turning back around, I pressed my back against him front. I took a second to listen to the music, letting the heavy bass take root in my heart, before I started moving against him. The music guided my hips, prompting me to roll and dip with the beats. Harry stood behind me, stunned for a few moments, but quickly recovered and placed his hands on my hips. Matching the movement of his hips to mine, he danced with me. With a smile on my face, I slid my hand up to tangle my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. He pulled me closer and buried his face in my neck, pressing a kiss there. I closed my eyes and basked in the feeling of Harry dancing against me. 

It had been a long time since I had danced with Harry. The last time was when I was 17, the same night we slept together for the first time. He had rented out the club with his bandmates and thrown a party. I tagged along with my brother, hoping to blow off some steam after a hard week, but never expecting that my crush would tell me he liked me back. I wore some skimpy shorts and a top, typical club attire, and Harry was pissed. He didn’t like all of the male attention I was getting, especially since a lot of it was coming from his bandmates. So when I moved to the dance floor and started dancing, he followed me. 

That night Harry was quick to press against me, immediately matching my moves and whispering in my ear that I was asking for trouble. I just turned around and asked him how I could get into trouble with him always around to protect me. After that we danced for hours, and at the end of the night he kissed me and told me he’d been waiting to do that for years. I went home with him for the first time after that, and even knowing everything that happened after, I’d do it again in a heart beat. 

“So,” Harry spoke up, pulling at my side to get me to turn around to face him, “still think I’m a bad dancer?”

I smiled up at him and wrapped my arms around his neck, “No, I never did. I was just teasing you.”

“Of course you were,” he huffed, pulling me even closer, “You always were a tease.”

I shrugged, “Your reactions are funny.”

“Hmmm, you think so, angel?” Harry hummed, leaning down to press his forehead against mine.

The music changed, playing the first slower song I’d heard since arriving. I didn’t recognize it, but it was obvious that Harry did because he smiled down at me. I realized why a few moments later when his voice drifted through the air. Rolling my eyes at his obvious pleasure over them playing his song, I allowed him to sway us to the beat. We danced in silence, simply enjoying each other’s company. I laid my head on Harry’s chest and listened to the words of his song. It was soft and sad, but still good. I began to realize that I had been missing out by not listening to his album before.

“What’s the song about?” I asked, propping my chin on Harry’s chest to look up at him.

“This one?” he asked as he looked down at me.

I rolled my eyes but smiled at him, “What other song would I be talking about?”

He shrugged and returned my smile, “I don’t know what goes on in your crazy mind.”

I rolled my eyes again and nudged him, “So what’s it about?”

“Just drifting apart from an old girlfriend,: he answered with a sheepish smile.

I frowned, beginning to get suspicious of his avoidance of the question. Why didn’t he want me to know who it was about?

“Which one?” I asked, pulling back to look at him better.

Harry averted his eyes but answered, “Taylor.”

I made a face, old feelings of jealousy and resentment rising to the surface. I loved Taylor Swift’s music, and I thought she was an amazing person, but thinking about Harry’s relationship with her still upset me. She was, after all, the woman I thought he left me for. She was definitely a sore subject. Clearing my throat, I untangled myself from his arms and moved off the dance floor. 

“Angel? Where are you going?” Harry asked, following close behind me.

“I don’t feel like dancing anymore,” I answered as I made my way to the back door, “I’d rather get a drink.”

He frowned, “I’m sorry, but I wan’t going to lie to you.”

Turning back over my shoulder, I shot him a small smile, “I know, Harry. It’s ok, I just need a drink.”

“Well, then let me get my angel a drink,” Harry said, taking my hand and moving in front to lead me to the kitchen.

After weaving through the crowd in the interior of the house, we made it to the kitchen. Harry didn’t ask what I wanted, but went ahead and made me a Malibu and Sprite.

“You remembered,” I laughed as I took the cup from his outstretched hand.

“Of course,” he said, leaning on the counter beside me, “It was the only thing that didn’t make you gag.”

I shrugged, no longer ashamed by my intolerance for the taste of alcohol, “It’s not my fault alcohol tastes so bad.”

Harry chuckled and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a call of my name from behind us. We turned to find one of my fellow Angels in the doorway, a large smile on her pretty face.

“Hey Romee,” I said, turning my body to face her more fully, “what’s up?”

She held her empty cup as she moved further into the kitchen, “Just needed a refill.”

I nodded, but didn’t say anything as I watched her mix a drink. Romee was a relatively new Angel too, having been added just two years before me, but we weren’t close. Ever since I had been announced as the newest Angel she had been cordial, but somewhat cold. I had tried to show her that I wasn’t there to replace her, but it didn’t matter, we would never be friends.

“So,” Romee said after taking a sip of her freshly made drink, “are you going to introduce me to your friend?”

I fought the urge to role my eyes, unsurprised by her request. It was no secret that I grew up with Harry, and it would be obvious to anyone who had seen us together tonight that we were close. It was also obvious that Harry was a very handsome, very eligible young man, so of course Romee wanted the chance to properly flirt with him.

“Harry, this is Romee Strijd,” I said, “and Romee, this is Harry Styles.”

Romee smiled as she extended her hand out to Harry, “It’s nice to meet you, Harry.”

“You too, love,” Harry answered, giving her a charming smile as he bowed slightly to kiss her hand.

She giggled and twirled a strand of hair around her finger, “Wow, what a gentleman. Where have you been all night?”

This time I did roll my eyes, taking a giant swig of my drink as Harry answered, “Oh you know, just looking for an angel.”

Romee smirked, taking a step forward so she could rest her hand on his chest, “Well lucky you, you found one.”

Jealousy reared its ugly head in my chest, flooding my body with heat and urging me to grab that bitch by the hair and haul her away from my man. But then Harry shot me a look over her shoulder that calmed me down. His eyes were playful, telling me that he knew what she was doing, and he wouldn’t fall for it.

“You’re right,” Harry said, smiling and stepping around her so he could wrap an arm around my shoulder, “and she’s right here.”

A smug smile slipped onto my features as Harry pressed a kiss to the side of my head, and Romee’s eyes narrowed in annoyance. She definitely wasn’t expecting that.

“I see,” Romee said, her features relaxing into an obviously fake smile, “you’ve stumbled across the newest addition to our ranks.”

“I wouldn’t say stumbled, more like finally found what I’ve been searching for,” Harry answered without taking his eyes off of me.

I smiled up at him and laughed when Romee just huffed and walked away.

Harry made a face at me, “Oops, did I just get you in trouble?”

I shrugged and turned so that I could wrap both hands around his waste, “I don’t care. The look on her face was worth it.”

He chuckled, leaning down to bump his nose against mine, “It was pretty great, wasn’t it?”

I scrunched my nose up and nodded. It was great to see him chose me over Romee. It was even better to hear that he had been searching for me. He may have thought I’d given up on him, but he hadn’t given up on me.

“So,” I started, my tone teasing, “you’ve been searching for me?”

Harry blushed but didn’t deny it, instead closing to tuck a piece of hair that had fallen from its place back behind my ear.

When he didn’t answer, I chose to keep teasing him, “So what is it about me exactly that you’ve missed enough to search for me?”

He rolled his eyes, “Definitely not how much you love teasing me.”

“Hey!” I protested, smacking his chest with my hand, “You like it when I tease. It means I’m giving you attention.”

“I guess that is true,” he conceded with a smile.

“You still haven’t answered.”

Harry sighed and looked up at the ceiling, “Well, let’s see. Your smile…” He paused to trace my lips with his thumb, “your laugh…” This time he tickled my sides, causing me to giggle, “your voice…” He paused again, a smirk tugging at his lips, distracting me from the path his hands were taking, “your ass.”

With that he smacked my ass causing me to screech out his name. He just laughed, letting me slip out of his arms as I pushed away.

“Harry Styles,” I said, hands on my hips and a stern expression on my face, “just what do you think you’re doing?”

He shrugged, still smirking as he took a step toward me, “Just answering your question, angel.”

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, “I was giving you the opportunity to be sweet but you ruined it.”

“C’m on angel, you know I’m just a dirty boy at heart,” he said innocently, still advancing toward me, “I can’t help it.”

Rolling my eyes, I took a step back, trying to keep distance between us. I knew from experience that we were treading in dangerous waters, and keeping our distance was probably the best option. Unfortunately for me, the kitchen didn’t agree, and the next time Harry took a step forward, my back made contact with the other counter.

“Shit,” I breathed as Harry crowded into my space, securing his hands on the counter on either side of me.

“You’re mine now,” he growled playfully, face only a hair’s width away from mine.

“Oh ya?” I asked, my eyes glued to his lips, “and what are you going to do with me?”

“‘m gonna kiss you,” he breathed.

He waited only a second to make sure I wasn’t going to protest before closing the distance between us. Our lips crashed together, each of us pouring years of pent up emotions into the kiss. Without missing a beat, I opened my mouth for him as I ran my hands up his chest to tangle my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. Harry moaned lowly when I gave a sharp tug, chasing me to grin into the kiss. This only spurred him on more, as he pushed himself against me harder and deepened the kiss.

I moaned when Harry bit my lip, and he responded by grabbing my hips and lifting me onto the counter. My legs parted for him naturally as he slotted himself between them. Now that I could feel his hardening member pressed up against me, I couldn’t stop my hands from wandering down. Panting against Harry’s lips, I stroked his clothed member once before gripping it tightly. He moaned again, this time louder than before, stoking the fire inside me. Matching his moan with a small whimper of my own, my hands scrambled for the button of his pants.

“Angel,” Harry moaned, his voice sounding pained.

“Harry,” I answered back with determination as my fingers finally managed to pop open his button.

“Angel, wait,” he said more forcefully this time, covering my hands with his own and stopping me from unzipping his zipper.”

“Why?” I whine, still trying to accomplish my goal.

Harry chuckled lowly but didn’t move his hands, “Angel, we can’t do this here.”

Frowning, I looked up at him with pouty eyes, “Why not?”

“Y/N,” he raised a brow and took a step back, “I really don’t think you want to risk someone walking in on us.”

With that minuscule distance, the lustful haze lifted from my mind just enough for me to remember where we were. My eyes widened comically and I cursed, causing Harry to laugh.

“That’s what I thought,” he chuckled, buttoning his pants.

“I can’t believe I almost fucked you in the kitchen of a house where there are at least a hundred people partying,” I blinked, still a little dazed from that kiss.

“Me neither,” Harry said, clearly amused as he helped me down from the counter and covered me while I fixed my dress, “I would never expect such deviant behavior from my angel.”

I rolled my eyes and slapped his chest, now fully back to reality, “Shut up! It’s not my fault I got carried away. I haven’t been fucked in five years.”

“Wait, what?” Harry stopped, eyes wide at my admission, “You haven’t had sex in five years?”

I blushed, but nodded, “Not since the last time with you.”

“Why not?”

I blushed even harder, “No one ever came close enough to you to catch my attention.”

“Is that right?” Harry asked with a smug expression, gathering me back into his arms.

I rolled my eyes, “Well that and the fact that I was always too busy to really look.”

“Well it sounds like you, my angel, are in need of a good fucking.”

I scrunched up my nose at his crude way of putting it, but didn’t bother denying it. Instead I said, “Think you could help me out with that?”

Harry grinned, lust lighting up his eyes, “It would be my pleasure.”

[writeseasonally]

Just My Type (Fred Weasley)

Summary: Wake, shower, eat, and study, that was (Y/n)’s weekly morning routine. She always studies before the start of class and tries her hardest to avoid all kinds of distractions. But when your best friends are the Weasley twins, it’s a lot harder than it sounds. Fred decides to disrupt her morning routine one time with words that leave (Y/n) all red and flustered. 

Prompt(s): “Well you’re fun.” “And you’re annoying.”

Pairing(s): Fred Weasley x Ravenclaw!reader

Warning(s): none

Word(s) : 1.5k

A/N: This is for @im-a-writer-right​‘s 2k Followers Writing Challenge (congratulations again on 2k Ria! Well deserved 💖). This isn’t the first time I’ve written for the Harry Potter fandom, but this is the first I’m posting, so there may be some possible errors when it comes to characterization and I apologize in advance for that; While editing, I also noticed that I used “as if” quite often so...yeah, but with that being said, you may now proceed reading :)

[ please note that english isn’t my first language ]

Noise filled the Great Hall as the students' voices merged as one because of how they talked with each other continuously. It's a wonder as to how they managed to understand what the other was talking about, considering the Great Hall was filled with students who either enjoyed their breakfast while conversing with their friends or were trying their hardest to do a last-minute study before their first subject begins.

Sat on the end of the Ravenclaw table was (Y/n), who was alone. All the other Ravenclaws were with their friend groups; honestly, (Y/n) wished she could do the same, but with the coming OWLs, and with the essays she wanted to revise last minute, she was stuck on the furthest corner of the table with books surrounding her instead of her friends.

Letting out a frustrated groan, (Y/n) thought of how much time she wasted just to rapidly skim the book that didn't even give her much additional information. She closed the book and let out a shriek as a response when she saw a grinning face, specifically, Fred Weasley's grinning face.

"What're you doing sitting all alone here, (Y/n)?" he asked, pulling his face away and grabbing one of the books she previously read. He looked at the book cover and opened a random page before closing it abruptly, a bored look on his face. "I get that you're a Ravenclaw and all but you still need to have at least a little bit of fun." 

"Sorry Weasley, but unlike you, I actually would like to make a good impression for the teachers this year," (Y/n) retorted, she paused to look at Fred before continuing. "Though, it clearly doesn't help with potions since Snape knows I associate with you Gryffindor lot, but eh, I don't mind. It’s not like anyone can actually appease him." 

Fred grinned and swung an arm around her, "Well, Snape's clearly a greasy git of a teacher who shows his distaste towards anything other than the Slytherins. So I would've taken deep offense if you implied that being friends with us lovely and absolutely charming Gryffindors instead of those Slytherins was a mistake you've done."

(Y/n) rolled her eyes, "There we are again, Weasley. You and your overdramatic self making me feel guilty for saying something I meant differently." Fred's grin grew larger at the statement, though it dialed down a little when (Y/n) removed his arm which was wrapped around her. She smiled at him one last time before burying herself in her textbooks again.

Letting out a small sigh, Fred tried to eavesdrop on what the other Ravenclaws near them were talking about. His grin returning for the umpteenth time when the words he was hearing started making sense.

"Come on Romina, you gotta tell us what your type is!" one Ravenclaw exclaimed. She, along with two other Ravenclaws, looked at a black-haired girl who looked unsure in answering the question. Though, not even a second after, the look of uncertainty immediately disappeared and was replaced by an odd confidence.

"First off, I'd like him to be a Gryffindor, considering as everyone in this house's too preoccupied with studying, it'll be fun to have someone who doesn't worry as much around." the girl explained, a smile on her face. "Especially if it's one of the Weasley twins, then that would be wonderful." She looked around and saw him staring, making her look away with an embarrassed smile. Fred too looked away, satisfied with what he's just heard. He didn't know some Ravenclaws acted like that, he thought all Ravenclaws were too busy burying themselves in their books to even care about those kinds of things; he assumed that all Ravenclaws were like (Y/n). He was proven otherwise.

"Not all Ravenclaws bury their noses in their books, you know," (Y/n) said from beside him as if she's just read his mind. She closed the book she was reading. "I just happen to be very conscious of my grades."

"Why couldn't have I befriended that girl over there? She's clearly more interesting and more interested," he asked, face being playfully serious.

(Y/n) snorted and replied, "Please, that girl over there's too possessive of what she thinks is hers. I'm surprised she hasn't yet declared her love for you, Weasley."

"Well, even if she did, I wouldn't be at all interested. She isn't my type, and I've already got my eyes for someone else," he stated proudly, his tone as if he's just won the Quidditch cup single-handedly.

(Y/n) looked at him with a raised brow. Curiousity about what he meant by 'his type' consumed her mind. "Oh? Then may I know what your 'type' is, Weasley?" she asked, emphasizing the word type.

Fred stared at her for a moment, amusement in his eyes. He pondered on whether answering her question seriously or if he should be the opposite of subtle.

Considering he's Fred Weasley, he decided to go with the obvious choice.

"Well (L/n), that's a tad bit too personal, don't you think? But if you must," he sighed heavily, as if (Y/n) was forcing him to share what his 'type' was. 

She on the other hand tried to hide her genuine curiosity with an annoyed expression, though Fred can easily see right through her. 

"First of all, she's got to be able to play Quidditch decently, making George and I constantly target her with a bludger since we both know she can easily swerve past it. She's also got to be a chaser for her house team, if I'm being more specific." Fred started rubbing his chin, making him look like he was thinking of something very deeply, "She's got to have (h/l), (h/c) hair with matching (e/c) eyes. Also, she's a prefect who'll obviously be head girl in her seventh year; she's always got her nose buried in a book as she claims that having fun is a last choice because she'd rather study, but we both know it's a lie. She's also able to be courageous at times, not physically, but implying it with the use of her wits." he paused for a second, holding on to (Y/n)'s eyes as her face suddenly felt hot. He smiled, "Pretty sure Granger's following her footsteps. But most importantly, she's got to be the person I'm talking to right now, whose face is almost as the same shade as my hair, and is the person I'm asking to be my girlfriend."

(Y/n) stared at him for a few more seconds, mind processing the words that just left his lips: 'the person I'm asking to be my girlfriend'. Um, what? 

“What– who– me– why?” (Y/n) spluttered, completely flustered. 

Fred only rolled his eyes teasingly at the question. He thought that his declaration was enough for her, but he did catch her off guard so he understood that she was still processing his words. But instead of repeating his essay-worthy declaration, he opted to use just simpler words that he knew would get a rise out of her, “Well, you’re fun.”

“And you’re annoying!” She immediately responded without a second thought. This emitted a laugh from Fred because her response was all too sudden as if she programmed herself to say those words every time he says she’s fun (and now that he thought about it, maybe she actually did. He could vividly recall telling her she was fun during first-year and her responding with the same three words. Huh).

(Y/n) zipped her mouth shut, she still felt flustered as she watched Fred’s amusement to her reaction, he was clearly entertained. Perhaps he achieved his goal after all: to distract her from her studying and entertain himself. She groaned on the inside, thinking of a way to compose herself. And she did just that

She closed her eyes for a second to calm her racing heart as she took in an intake of breath before releasing it. (Y/n) hoped that it would help her understand his previous words easier. And somehow, it worked.

When (Y/n) finally composed herself and got her confidence back, she looked at Fred with a small smile, her cheeks still burning hot, "Well, Freddie, you're lucky that you're just my type." She kissed his cheek before grabbing all of the textbooks in front of her, which were already arranged, before heading off to her first class.

George was watching everything that happened between Fred and (Y/n) from where he sat on the Gryffindor table. And when he saw (Y/n) plant a kiss on his brother’s cheek before scurrying off with a small, shy smile, he took this as his cue to finally near his brother and ask him about what happened. And tease him afterward of course.

"So was that a yes or a no?" asked George as he made himself comfortable on the empty space beside Fred. He looked at his twin expectantly, who didn't return his gaze, rather, he continued staring at the Ravenclaw's figure until she exited the Great Hall; mischief was evident in George's eyes as he gave his brother a teasing grin, "Merlin, you are already smitten."

×××

gifs are made by yours truly unless stated otherwise

posted: 08-01-20

[herewithstupid]

Whewwwwww, was reminded of one of my LEAST favorite forms of manipulation today.

Gonna talk about my grandpa for a moment. I come from a relatively middle class family- not ‘wealthy’, but grandparents helped make sure that we never really struggled for much unless my parents pride was on the line. Now my grandpa was the type that loved giving gifts/money. I learned really quickly not to ask for anything, because if I did, I would get it.

“Seems like a strange problem to have, Stu,” I hear you saying. “Your grandpa wanted to spoil you? Isn’t that a luxury most people wish they had?”

Honestly yeah, of the problems out there like, idk, getting arrested for things out of my control or not being able to afford food- this REALLY is a luxury, first world ‘problem’. So please take my complaints with a relative grain of salt. The main problem came from my inability to accept gifts or express needs for a long time because of this.

See, the definition of a gift is “a thing given willingly to someone without payment”. Payment is not always in the form of money- I may pay someone for a car repair for example by offering an exchange and repairing their carpet. Payment can come in the form of work, money, action, etc. 

So in actuality, my grandpa never gave me ‘gifts’, because they did not come with no strings attached. Money is how he pulled the strings and maintained control in our relatively unhealthy family while maintaining a nice outward view for the world. Guilt trips, bribes- when I went to college, he tried essentially buying his way into my bank account and having me give him the password so that he could keep track of my spending. Gas cards were given with the intention of tracking where I was going. I’ve been screamed at over the phone because he helped me with a home repair- and then I acted ‘out of line’. There were attempts to discourage me from self-sufficiency and “not to worry, he would take care of me”.

Down the line, this led to an inherent mistrust of any gift, whether it be from friend, significant others... basically anyone unless it was completely anonymous and no way to know who the person was- because an anonymous person can’t hold it over my head. I still have a rather bitter belief in my heart that “nothing is truly free”- which really is an excuse to try to close my heart and make out the world as my enemy, when it really comes down to taking an active role in whole I let into my life and maintaining boundaries. A recognition that the world isn’t good or evil- that there are just sick people in it. 

And while the examples I used with my grandpa are obviously extreme- the point of this is the same. If your ‘gift’ can be taken back at any time, if your gift has strings attached, if your gift comes with expectations, then you have no right calling that thing a gift.

This form of manipulation is popular because it does two things. One, it strokes the ego of the person giving the ‘gift’. They get to feel charitable, get to build this narration in their head of being kind hearted, a great friend/family member/lover, selfless and thoughtful, while ignoring their true, less kind intentions. 

My grandpa has control issues, likely stemming from fear (like most defects do). In a life he felt out of control in, where he knew best how everyone should act if they would just do what they were supposed to, this gave the ability for him to gain control over the people in his life. If they were to reject it, it seems ungrateful. It gave him the ability to paint himself as the misunderstood, generous soul- when really all it came down to was making sure a person felt an obligation to ‘act’ how he believed they should and to be able to guilt a person when they stepped out of line of what he believed they should be doing.

And people do this. All. The. Time.

So,

For those of you who have had this happen to you- you should not feel guilty. You are not responsible for a sick person’s actions. And I’m using ‘sick’, because I don’t think lots of people are ‘evil’. I think they are people who don’t know how to cope with the world around them, and are attempting to stay afloat by whatever means they have, even if it means hurting those in their immediate sphere. And if you realize they’ve been manipulating you like this, you have every right to feel hurt, disgusted, violated- all of it. 

For what it’s worth, as some small comfort, they very rarely are doing it ‘at’ you, even if it seems like it. Yes they may intentionally hurt you. But they do this to everyone, because this behavior is all they have. A person who’s only tool is a hammer will use the hammer- even if it destroys the very foundation and network supporting them. And they will be upset at the support network for breaking- because in their mind, what other choice did they have if that was their only tool?

And honestly for everyone, I encourage taking a step back and pausing before you give someone something. Check your expectations. Pause and really consider what you are hoping to accomplish. If it’s to receive something- whether it be a favor, emotional support, validation, a check to be cashed in later, then pause and think about WHY.

I am guilty of this years ago. I would do favors and over-extend myself as a ‘friend’, because in reality, I couldn’t support myself and I wanted to build a safety net of people that felt obligated to take care of me. Understandably, these friends of mine did not like feeling manipulated, and distanced themselves as they should have. It fed into my woe-is-me martyr syndrome of how I was this amazing person that no one understood, and how no one in the world really understood me. 

What are you so afraid of that you have to try to use people in your life and control them in an attempt to protect yourself? 

Because so long as your ‘good’ actions are tainted with attempts to manipulate people in your own self interest, you’ll find your ‘kind’ actions blowing up in your face. I consider it like a Midas’s touch. You’ll sit and wonder why no one wants to be your friend- without acknowledging that your friendship caused more harm than good. It’s not your responsibility to change a person to how you think they ‘should’ be. 

Only to decide whether or not you can accept them exactly as they are on their own journey (wherever that is), and how much of that person you want to allow into your life. The only person you should work on changing and manipulating into a ‘better’ person, is yourself. 

And when it comes to giving gifts, and honestly, interacting with people in general, give only what you can live without having replaced. 

And my personal motto that I’ve always felt better living by: Give without remembering, and receive without forgetting.

[p---ink]

Stark Contrasts: Chapter Three

Author’s Note: Hello all! For those of you following this series this is part 3 in my Tony Stark Fan-fiction. Part one is here, and part two is there. So sorry for the late update by the way. Writer’s block is a bitch. But I refuse to post something I don't at least like a little bit. That being said, I loved writing this chapter. Honestly if I can get just one person to read this and say they like it, I’ll be so grateful. It’s full of “angst”. I still use that word lightly, because to me it’s a drama instead of a story that makes you feel dread or anxiousness. Anyway I really hope you guys enjoy it, because this one took me a while. 

Summary: Upon finding about you and Tony’s romance, Edward Stark loses it. Pepper Potts steps in to help mediate the situation. 

Warnings: Angst, Language. No smut this time, sorry. :(

Song: Cry by Cigarettes after Sex. 

Word Count: 8.8k

Parts: one | two | three | four | five

Chapter Title: Mother Knows Best

 The concept of silence was made by man. We know this, because the world around us is never truly silent. You could argue differently though, because in this moment it felt like time stood still. You couldn’t even hear the sound of the clock ticking, as it rang loudly throughout the quiet room. Even the sound of your heart beating rapidly against your ribcage, fell on deaf ears. The one thing that was apparent to you however, was the rage behind Edward’s cool facade. Though it didn’t make a physical sound, it screamed louder than any noise had ever made.

You stopped embracing Tony and stepped away from him.  “By all means, please don’t stop on my account.” Edward chuckled. 

“I thought you were asleep.” Tony admitted, as if his thoughts helped the situation. He didn’t say it in an apologetic or shameful way, more so just stating a preconceived notion.

“Would that have made a difference?” Edward questioned, furrowing his brows inquisitively. “You know believe it or not, I felt guilty for leaving my girlfriend all alone in an unfamiliar town.” He stated, turning towards you and putting emphasis on the word unfamiliar. “When I heard your taxi pull up, I decided to come down and make sure you arrived safely. Can’t say I wasn’t surprised to see such a beautiful declaration of love.” He relayed his thoughts and actions as if he was telling a close friend a funny story. 

“Edward, we—” You start to explain. 

“We?” He interrupts, smile dropping for a second. But as quickly as it disappeared, it was back again. He began shaking his head in disbelief as he repeated the word ‘we’. “So you guys are a ‘we’, now? This is too fucking rich.” He laughed.

His grin was so wide, it almost looked genuine, and had you not known the story behind this reaction, you would of thought his joy made him look even more handsome. Right now, however, all it did was scare you.

“You know. I always thought it was weird how close you guys were.” He confessed, waving his finger in a playful ‘you-got-me’ kind of manner. His voice was sickeningly sweet, and it made your stomach churn. “But I told myself, that it was a good thing my dad liked my girlfriend so much. You know some people can’t say the same. Man was I foolish!” He exclaimed, looking between the two of you. While you gnawed at the inside of your bottom lip and averted your gaze away from Edward in shame, Tony rolled his eyes and scoffed at the display in front of him. 

“Dad tell me” He started again, pausing for a second to meet Tony’s eyes. “This is why you needed me at my desk right? So you could fuck my slut of a girlfriend?” If the words themselves didn’t make you wince, the tone they were laced in certainly did.

“Watch your mouth, when you address her.” Tony snapped through gritted teeth. 

Edward quickly threw his hands up  in defense before saying, “I’m sorry dad, you’re absolutely right. I should have said your, slut of a girlfriend. Please forgive me.” He smiled, watching his father’s fists clench. When you grabbed one of Tony’s hands, and whispered a ‘calm down’, Edward lost it. He focused on the way your chin rested on his father’s shoulder as well your hand on his a little too long. 

“How long has this been going on?” He asked coldly, abandoning the amused act. It stayed silent for a moment, and since he didn’t address a specific person, you took it upon yourself to answer. You felt you at least owed him that.

“A little over—” you try to answer, but your attempt is short-lived. 

“I was talking to my dad” He snarled, raising his voice and a hand to silence you. Turning his attention back to Tony, he repeated his question. “How long has this been going on?”

“Does it matter?” Tony quickly retorted, growing tired of the way Edward had been talking to you. 

“You know what, I think it does.” Edward challenged, eyes turning into thin slits as he looked his father up and down. “I deserve to know when this all started.” He said as if it was a matter of fact

Tony scrutinized him for a second, contemplating on whether or not he wanted to be mature or petty. He chose petty. “Fine. Since you insist on knowing all the juicy details: I’ve wanted her since the first day we met.” He revealed, shocking both you and Edward. “Now you do the math.”

  Now really thinking about it, Edward gradually stood from his seated position on the stairs. He tried piecing everything together, but it was hard because when he was home, he really wasn’t present. The evidence was still there, however, and even a blind man could see it. How could he have missed those longing stares from across the room? The lingered touches that Tony would press against the small of your back. He somehow even managed to dismiss the way the room would go quiet whenever he walked in. The way Tony whispered to you secrets that would make your thighs clench. What innocent thing could he be saying that would make your body react like that? As you two watched anger consume him, Tony gently pushed you behind himself before Edward spoke again. 

His nails had a grip on his palms so tight, you were sure they left blood, or at the very least dents. His chest, was rapidly rising and falling, as if he was having trouble keeping air in his lungs. His jaw produced a slight bulge, that was a direct result from the way he fastened it shut. “Dad.” He growled, his carefree demeanor now long gone.“How could you? She was mine.”

“See that’s your problem Edward. She doesn’t fucking belong to you, or anyone else for that matter.” Tony corrected, matching his son’s hostile energy. “And if you really cared about her, maybe I would have never had the chance to fuck her.” Your brows furrowed at his choice of words, and you gave him a sideways glare. He was purposely trying to evoke a reaction.

He got what he wanted, because as soon as he said it, Edward moved like a blur as he crossed the room to connect his fist with Tony’s face. He caused him to fall to the ground before catching himself with his palms. You gasped, and dropped to the floor beside the fallen Tony, who was now licking a busted lip. 

“I hope she was worth every minute.” Edward spat, kneeling down to clutch his father’s collar.

“Every second.” Tony teased, finding a smirk under the sting he felt from his lips. Edward delivered another punch, this one landing on one of his eyes, then another that found its way under the side of his chin, leaving only a few seconds between each blow. Had you not pushed yourself between them he would have left his father’s face a bloody and swollen mess. 

“Stop!” You shriek, holding your arm up to shield any further blows. He did stop, but you two held each other’s glares. His hand was still fixed in an attack position, and thats when you began to soften your features. You realized that he was seriously considering whether or not he wanted to hit you as well. Before you just knew he wouldn’t harm you, but seeing the look on his face now you weren’t so sure. Was that how bad you had hurt him? 

Edward decided against striking you. Though his father had been taking his hits like a champ, that would quickly change as soon as Edward laid a finger on you. Fire burning in his eyes and a serious conflict within, he stood to collect himself. “You’re dead to me, Y/N.” He stated, lowly. You wanted so badly to say ‘I’ve been dead to you for a long time now’ but decided that now wasn’t the time. 

He began straightening the wrinkles from his shirt and running his long digits through his raven black hair. “I’ll send for my stuff.” Was all he said as he took a step over both you and Tony, walking away in search of his keys.

“Better send someone quick, before they have to sort through ashes!” Tony shouted, rolling to his side to pick himself up with your aid. Edward neither spared him a glance, nor another word. 

When you heard the door click, you helped Tony readjust. Once he was put back together, you pulled your hand back as far you could to deliver a solid smack to his arm.

“Ow” he wailed, grasping the area you hit. “Haven’t I been hit enough today?” 

“No. Why did you have to act so childish?” You asked, demanding an answer.

Still rubbing the sore spot on his arm, he looked down at you with a blank expression.  “He deserved it.” Was what he said in an indifferent tone.  

You rolled your eyes, before saying “Even if that’s the truth, he was upset and he had every right to be.”

“No Y/N, he didn’t.” He said slightly raising his voice, and talking with his hands. “How he could even call you his girlfriend after all of this time, is beyond me. He doesn’t get to be upset.”

“Tony we violated his trust.” You cried, searching his frustrated face in hopes of finding a sliver of empathy for his son. 

“Edward is a self-serving jackass, who relatively no one can trust. Do you really think he holds weight in this matter?” He countered, raising a brow. In realization that his face was now forming bruises, you asked these next questions.

“You have all of the answers don’t you? Was this all worth the black eye and busted lip?” You ask, gesturing towards his face.

“Absolutely.” He answered referring to both questions. “I’d do it again if it meant seeing the look on his face.” He stated proudly.

“You’re impossible.” You grumble, as you walk away to grab a dampened rag from the bathroom. 

“Edward’s the one who’s impossible!” Tony shouted from the other room.

You rolled your eyes for what felt like the tenth time tonight at his comment. “Why is he being so immature?” You mumbled to yourself, before walking back to the foyer washcloth in hand. You found him in the family room instead, studying a younger photo of Edward. He did feel guilty, he was just to proud to show it. You sighed alerting him of your presence. He instantly reacted by sitting the frame back down on its floating shelf, clearing his throat and pretending that you didn’t just capture him longing for the days when Edward was at the very beginning of his youth. You decided to play his game, choosing not to mention his shame, but still acknowledging that it existed. That was enough for you. To you it meant he was a good person. 

“Come here” you quietly say. He sauntered over to you slowly, reaching down to take the cloth from your hands. You playfully jerk it back from him, before giving him a fixed look. Pushing him down on the nearest couch to stand between his legs, he holds onto your waist to keep you steady. The cool washcloth dripped water down your arm, as you reached up to nurse his bruises. Apparently Edward had been wearing a ring, because a cut had formed just above Tony’s brow. He winced when you pressed the cloth over the mark to clean it. You couldn’t help but feel guilty, feeling to be the cause of this all.

“Did you mean what you said earlier?” Tony asked breaking the silence.

“What did I say earlier?” 

“You said you love me.” You could tell he felt insecure, and your prolonged answer only made it worse.

“Of course I did silly.” You say, pecking the tip of his nose, literally kissing his worries away. “And what about you, did you mean it when you said you’ve wanted me since the first day we met?”

“Every word of it.” He smirked. You grinned back, finding comfort in his words. It didn’t last longs though, as tonights events kept replaying in your mind. 

“So…where do we go from here?” You asked softly, voice just barely above a whisper. Had you not been standing right in front of him, he would have missed it.

The cloth covered one of his eyes completely, so he looked at you with the free one. But even with no eyes, he would be able to sense the worry in your voice, and imagine the worry on your face. He cupped the hand that was on his cheek, and kept his other hand on your hip. 

“We just wait, The hard part is over now.” He assured,  leaning in to plant a kiss to your forehead, then your nose, before settling in on your lips, tugging your shirt to deepen it.

After you finished up his face you guys prepared to go to sleep. It was the first night since your being together where you weren’t afraid of being caught. You laid in bed, and thought of his words as you forced yourself to sleep. You wished you could believe them, but knowing the man that Edward was, you knew tonight was nothing compared to what was to come. 

__________________________________________________________________

“You slept with his girlfriend, and you have the nerve to tell me to calm down?” Was what you heard when you woke up. A few days had passed since Edward found out about you two. You were trying not to think about it too hard, but life had other plans. You wiped the crust from your eyes, and slowly sat up to yawn and stretch, focusing in on the conversation unfolding downstairs. 

“Tony, among all of the morally fucked up things you’ve done, this has got to be the worst! And Stark Industries used to cater to the advancements of industrialized weapons.” Pepper. That voice belongs to Pepper. You thought.

“Okay Pepper, you’re being a little dramatic. The weapons are obviously worse.” Tony said, in a fed-up tone. You carefully let your feet hit the floor to silently go eavesdrop from the top of the banister. 

“We both know that’s not the point.” She said bringing her voice down an octave. 

“Then exactly what point are you trying to make, Ms. Potts? Why are you here?” Tony retorted. He spoke in hushed tones, but the annoyance in his voice was clear.  

“I need to see Y/N, so—”

“No.” Tony quickly interrupted, but Pepper continued.

“—So we can figure this mess out.” She cried. 

“Hell no Pepper, I’m not letting you bother her with this bullshit.” Tony bit.

“Edward is really upset!”

“Unfortunately, I am all out of fucks to give about Edward’s feelings.” 

“Tony, look at what he’s threatening to put out.” You could tell she was showing him something, you just didn’t know what “If this reaches the public people are gonna start piecing these things together, and realize it has to do with you.”

“Pepper.”

“Let me speak to Y/N.”

“No.” At this point you began making your way downstairs, curious as to why she came all this way. You liked Pepper. You met her after meeting Tony. They had been separated for months. Despite Tony’s horror stories, she was always nice to you. Perhaps the divorce helped her find herself, because the Pepper you met was nothing like the one he described. 

“Y/N! Please come down!” You hear Pepper yell from the foyer. 

“Pepper, are you out of your mind? For crying out loud.” Tony cries upon seeing you descend. He was facing the staircase, hands on Pepper’s shoulders trying to urge her out of the door. Her back was turned, until she followed Tony’s line of sight, spinning to focus her smoky blue eyes on you instead. 

Her golden blonde hair was done up into her typical tight ponytail. Makeup light, consisting only of a simple peach colored lipstick and mascara. She wore a tan pencil skirt, white blouse and safe nude pumps. As per usual, Pepper was perfectly primped, not a gold lock out of place, save her bangs and a few intentional strands that cradled her face. If only her appearance could match her attitude.

She fully turned her body so that her attention was on you. “Y/N, please tell me this whole thing isn’t true.” Pepper pleaded.

“I’m afraid it is Ms. Potts.” You reply, sheepishly, suddenly feeling ashamed again. To have Pepper disappointed in you, felt worst than getting caught by Edward himself. 

“Jesus.” She sighed, closing her eyes shut and pinching the bridge of her nose. “You two, have royally fucked yourselves.  Take a look at this.” She stepped closer to you with an iPad in hand, dragging a skinny finger across the screen to reach the content she wanted you to see. She came to a stop and handed it over to you once she reached a page that looked like an article, or at least the rough draft of one. It was clearly about you and Tony, as the entire thing talked about Edward dealing with the betrayal of two people closest to him: a person who gave him life, and a person whom he gave his love. He was the victim, and though he did not put a name to his betrayers, they were clearly the decorated villains. It was very well-written. He even added parts to the story that not even you knew happened. 

Tony watched you panic. He watched the worry lines etch themselves in your skin. He snatched the iPad from your wandering fingers, and then he watched confusion take the place of worry. “You have to get ready for class. Besides, Ms. Potts was just leaving.” He firmly stated.

“What? No Tony. I don’t think it’s a good idea for her to go to school today.” She suggested as Tony handed her the device back. “We have to figure out what we are going to do about this.” Was what she said as he gently pushed her out of the house, and closed the door in her face.

He was really upset with her for upsetting you. Maybe he was also upset about Edward, but he felt his son couldn’t do any real harm. However, he knew you felt otherwise.

“Don’t worry about him.” He assured. “Eddy is just throwing another tantrum.” 

“Another?” You questioned, both worry and confusion working hard to dominate your features. “What are you not telling me?”

“Stop worrying. That’s what I am telling you.” 

“How can I not? Tony you keep telling me not to be worried, but you and I have seen what he can do when he’s upset.”

“Yea well I taught him how to do it. His ‘power’ comes from me, and I can assure you that. Everything will be fine.” He assured once again.

You blow out hot air threw your nose, frustrated with his naivety. He was really acting like the problem didn’t exist. “I have to get ready for class.” You stated, flicking your hands in the air as if to brush off his words before stomping away. 

“Baby?” He yells from the foyer, as you retreat up the stairs.  

“What Tony?” You yell back, once you make the bathroom. 

“Are you mad at me?” He whines.

“Yes!” You scream.

“Well, I love you!” You can practically hear the grin in his voice.

“Fuck you Tony.” You yell, mocking fake agitation.

 “Sure, but we have to wait until after you get home from school.” Well at least he learned his lesson from last time. You think to yourself, smiling as you get ready for the day. 

_________________________________________________________________

It felt like days had passed as you watched Professor Maxwell drone on and on about quantum mechanics. In reality, it had only been about 4 hours since you left the house. This was your last class of the day, so of course he had to drag it on.

You sat alone in his huge lecture hall, half-heartedly scribbling down notes. Though you were easy to get along with, and many people thought you were cool and nice, you found it hard to make real friends with your peers. You attended a prestigious university and most of them came from different backgrounds. Of course, for the most part, there was nothing was wrong with that, but it did make it harder to find common interests from time to time. It wasn’t like you didn’t have any friends though, just not in this particular environment. This fact alone helped you excel in your studies and passions. You found with no social distractions you could get more done. Right now however, you were more distracted than you had ever been.

You kept thinking about Edward’s article. You kept thinking about Edward. You really hurt him. But Tony was right, Edward had been hurting you since the beginning. It still didn’t make it okay for you to cheat, let alone sleep with his Dad. Preoccupied with your self-guilt, you didn’t notice the dings that sounded off around the quiet auditorium. Gasps, and soft whispers, followed, as people looked at you, but you were far too focused on your own problems to pay attention to theirs. You weren’t too focused to not hear the professor signal the end of class though. 

Shoving your laptop in your bag, you sprung to your escape. Bursting through the grand oak doors of your university’s science hall, you rushed to be the first in line at the school’s popular little cafe. Grabbing their pastry of the day became your favorite ritual. 

You leaned down to take in all of your choices. The warm yellow light of the display case illuminating your face. You could hear a faint buzz coming from it over the humming of the espresso machines, the overplayed pop songs, and the chatter from your fellow students and locals that frequented it. Coming here was peaceful. It was much like the library would be to someone who needed to focus. You found the busyness of the world relaxing, because no matter how many problems you faced, everyone else just kept moving.  

You thought about how you were gonna treat yourself. Maybe you would have an apple strudel today. Or perhaps a blueberry cannoli? Peach scone? You decide on the strawberry shortcake, it was a classic and to die for. You pointed it out to the pastry clerk, and he was happy to go and prepare it for you. 

“What, your sugar daddy not giving you enough sugar at home?” You heard a voice ask from behind you. You mentally groaned and rolled your eyes at the sound of Amber. She was a girl from Edward’s past that had a personal vendetta against you for reasons unknown. They were long done before you entered the picture, but Amber must of felt otherwise. 

You turned around to greet her, and as always you were astonished by her appearance. She had these catlike hazel green eyes that could burn a hole through steel. A strawberry blonde curly mane cascaded down her shoulders. She also had a natural sun-kissed golden tan, and she stood at a tall 5’11. She was gorgeous. Why she was still hung up on Edward, you would never know.

She had with her, Cassie, a faithful fan of hers who couldn’t form her own standing opinion . She kissed Amber’s ass so much you were surprised to find out she didn’t live in her toilet. She also brung Jasmine one of her new recruits, a petite mousy-like sophomore. Jasmine was okay, but she was a try-hard in constant need to of approval, hence why she hung out with Amber. 

“Hi Amber.” You smile, mustering up your last bit of fucks to give. You were too tired to acknowledge the meaning behind her comment, but not too tired to throw her a bone. 

“Hi Amber.” She mocked, slurring your words. “You had everyone around you eating out of the palm of your hands, but I knew your goody-two-shoes act was just that: an act.” 

“What are you talking about?” You asked, heart dropping to your stomach. You hoped she wasn’t talking about what you thought she was. 

“So you can’t read now? Let me say this slowly so you can comprehend.” She cleared her throat for a comedic effect before she spoke again. “Edward finally let the rest of the world know what a gold digging slut you are!” She smirked, throwing out her hand to Jasmine who wasn’t paying her any attention. “Jasmine!” Amber shrieked, causing the poor girl to jump. She quickly recovered from her incompetence, and scrambled to pass Amber her phone. Amber passed it to you, careful not to take her eyes away from yours. She didn’t want to miss the face of a girl who’s life was about to fall apart.

On the phone, was the same article Pepper had shown to you earlier, only this time it had been updated with even more lies spread throughout. Edward played the part of an unsuspecting, loving, and caring son/boyfriend, who was blindsided by the treachery of his beloved father and girlfriend. 

Again no names, but if it wasn’t already obvious, people knew it was you now. You looked up to Amber, a smug look playing on her features. It didn’t unsettle you as much as she wanted it to. What unsettled you though, was when you looked around the cafe. All the noise and chatter had all but come to a cease. The humming from the coffee machines, the overplayed pop song, and the buzz from the display counter were all that could be heard. They were waiting. Waiting for an answer. Waiting for your reaction. 

No. You thought. I am not gonna give this bitch or anyone else the satisfaction of my reaction. You tighten your jaw, and turn to pay for your pastry, now in a hurry to leave the shop. 

Amber was not having it. “So you have nothing to say?” She scoffed loudly. “I am clearly talking to you.” She harshly grabbed your shoulder to turn you around. 

You were ready to throw hands but before you could you were promptly cut-off by someone else.

“Leave her alone Amber, before I fuck you up.” They commanded. Everyone’s necks snap to investigate the source of noise. Eyes land on the pink-haired girl at the back of the cafe. She had chosen a cozy little corner booth, where she could kick her feet up to watch all of those around her. 

“Excuse me?” Amber sneered.

Nao, if you remembered her name correctly, swung her feet out of the booth to make her way through the crowd. She came to stand in front of Amber’s frame, before she addressed her again. “Let me say this slow enough so that you can comprehend” You smiled, as she borrowed Amber’s words from earlier. “I said: ‘Leave her alone Amber, before I fuck you up.’”

“What are you gonna do to me Nail?” Amber challenged, feeling quite good about herself for the joke she made. 

“It’s Nao, but you knew that already, and you don’t want to try me” She warned. 

“What could possibly be worse than sleeping with your boyfriend’s dad?” Amber asked a little too loudly for your liking, she earned an uncomfortable laugh from Jasmine, and a cackle from Cassie, who playfully tapped her shoulder in approval. There were also a few scattered snickers from other people in the cafe.

“I don’t know, maybe you should ask all of those married men, who you slept with over the summer.” Nao suggested, eyes wide mocking innocence. “If they don’t know, their children and wives might.”

‘Ooo’s’ and ‘ahh’s’ erupted throughout the quiet space of the cafe. Someone whispered, “Did she say ‘men’, as in plural?”

Amber looked like she had seen a ghost as Nao looked her up and down, daring her to spill another word. Cassie took the dare.

“Nao, that’s not true! And even if it was it’s none of your business you nosy little cunt.”

“Don’t get me started on you Cassie. We all remember that time you sucked off Bryson Kidd, for a bag of hot Cheetos and a kiwi strawberry Arizona.” She said as she twisted her neck to look at Cassie’s mortified expression. Then her eyes traveled, landing on Jasmine,  who shook her head as if to say she didn’t want any part of this. 

Nao let her be, then turned to address the rest of the room, “Anyone else?”  She asked, gruff voice now coated in honey. She continued her scan around the shop, trying to bait people. This was fun for her, she knew they were scared. They knew she was a revered tech major, at the top of her class. Her know-how with computers wasn’t the reason she knew about Amber though. She wasn’t invasive like people thought she was. She was just quiet and observant. 

Nao continued her rant, “Are we all forgetting that Edward Stark has slept with at least half the women in this room alone? Mind you while he and Y/N were still in a relationship.” She looked around, disappointed in her peers. She caused some of the women in question to avert their judgy gazes away from you, mumbling profanities about Nao being a snoopy bitch. Nao turned back to Amber, who was still hot from embarrassment. “Where were your words of judgment then Amber?” She said leaning in to whisper in her ear. “Oops my bad. I shouldn’t expect you to say anything to him while his cock is stuffed down your throat.” 

The light pink that dusted Amber’s cheeks, deepened to a crimson that spread across her entire face and neck. She huffed, and turned on her feet to excuse herself from the cafe, Cassie and Jasmine both hot on her trail.

When they were gone, the conversations around you picked up again as people tried not to stare. 

Nao, finally turned her attention towards you. The smile you sported throughout her entire show dissipated as you realized she was about to tear into you now. She stepped closer, and closer to you, instantly making you shy away. When she was close enough to examine the pores on your face, she took out a crinkled 10 dollar bill, that she handed to the cashier. “I’ve got this one.” She declared, smiling in reference to your strawberry shortcake. The clerk handed her the bag, which she handed to you before taking a step back. You could tell she struggled with personal space.

“Thank you” You start. “But why did you do that?”  

She knew you were referring to Amber. “You never bother anyone Y/N. You’re always so nice. If you ever need me, just give me a call.” She motioned to your phone, “May I?”

“Oh yea, sure.” You say, before handing her your unlocked device so she could type in her number. While she input her contact information, you took advantage of the temporary distraction to really survey her features.

She was Japanese,  you remembered that from the icebreaker you had in a shared class a year ago. Brown freckles, that looked like constellations were sprinkled along her rosy cheeks. Long lashes, fluttered every time she opened her eyes to blink. And as mentioned before, she had pink hair, a wavy pixie cut to be exact, that sat on her head like a fluffy cloud. She was tall, but not as tall as Amber. Lanky, with long limbs. Bushy black eyebrows sat above her honey brown eyes. Her nose was so small, you wondered how she could breathe out of it. She, like Amber, was very pretty, only in a “non-traditional” way. 

You had a girl-crush. You were giddy by the fact that a strong woman came to your aid, batting for you like that. When she looked back up at you, you realized you were staring, so you ripped yourself out of your daze of admiration. “Thank you again. Also thank you for this!” You exclaimed, lifting up the brown goody bad. 

“Its no problem. Enjoy it. It’s almost as sweet as you.” She smiled at you widely before turning to leave.

What a great way to start off your Monday. 

__________________________________________________________________

“Tony I’m back!” You called throughout the house. Your echo was the only thing to greet you back. Must not be home. You thought to yourself.

You sit your keys in the dish next to the door, kicking your shoes off, deciding to worry about them later. Grabbing yourself a bottle of wine, and a glass to pour it in , you drift into the living room. You take your seat in your favorite chair, ready to kick your feet up and relax. 

“Hi.” Pepper says behind you, making you spill your grown-up juice on the seat beside you, as well as on Tony’s equally expensive rug. You knew that neat-freak was gonna lose his shit. 

“Pepper!” You squeal, “Why didn’t you say anything when I called out earlier?!”

“I didn’t want to startle you.” She explained rushing to grab some club soda and a dish rag from the kitchen. 

“How is this any better?!” You yell, as she reenters the room, falling to the rug to clean out the stains. She threw you a spare cloth and handed you the soda to tackle the spreading splotch on the couch. 

“I don’t know! Give me a break for at least trying.”

“How did you even get in here?” You ask, vigorously scrubbing into the fibers of the couch. 

“Y/N, I used to live here.” You abruptly stopped as she continued. At the mention of it, you cringed at how awkward this might have been for Pepper. You were Tony’s new plaything, while she was his old one. Not to mention the fact that you also had been with her son. 

“I forgot.” You sigh, before apologizing. “I’m sorry for all of this Pepper. This must be really strange for you.” The spot on the couch was now faint, so you abandoned your previous efforts. 

Satisfied with the removal of her designated stain as well, Pepper stood from her knees to occupy the seat opposite to you. “Nonsense dear.” She replied, giving you a tight smile. “Sit, please.”

“Where’s Tony?” You ask as you do as she says. She must have some idea, since she was here but he wasn’t. 

“On his way to get this article pulled. I can imagine he’ll want to confront Edward as well.” Pepper informed you, crossing her legs to get comfortable. You let out a huff of air, seeing as the last time they saw each other, it didn’t end quite well. “Speaking of Edward, he’s the reason I’ve come to see you. We have to talk about this.”

“Not to be blunt Pepper, but what else is there to talk about? Everyone already knows about it, how much worse could it get?”

“That’s the thing. It will only get worse if you two continue your affair. Edward is talking about filing an injunction against Tony. He could lose his position as CEO of Stark Industries.” You eyed her in disbelief. You knew Edward was capable of being vindictive, just not this much. 

“Can he really do that? Is what I have with Tony that serious?” You were genuinely concerned.

“Ordinarily CEO’s don’t get removed because of their personal relationships, but because you and Tony have something different, I believe Edward has a fighting chance.” She paused to exhale as she surveyed your features. “Tony’s face is plastered everywhere in the world. He is Stark Industries, and a lot of his success comes from his fame. To be associated with such a scandal could prove very harmful to the future of this company.” She finished. 

Just like Edward worked hard to prove himself to Tony, Tony worked harder to prove himself to Howard Stark. He risked everything, putting his all into Stark Industries. Erasing the blemish of  its past with weapons of mass destruction, he had successfully turned it into a clean, and sustainable energy industry that had proven just as, if not more, successful than its predecessor. He also dabbled in AI, robotics, and non-lethal ways to disarm enemies. You would not be the reason that all got thrown away. Still you couldn’t help the sinking feeling in your gut.

“So I have to just stop seeing Tony?” You asked, internally pulling yourself together.

“I wish I could say it was that easy, Y/N. But we both know Tony won’t just stop seeing you.”

“So what do you suggest I do?” You asked her now slightly agitated. 

She sensed your irritation, but elected to ignore it, opting to continue her use of a soothing voice instead. “I understand you have an internship in France. I’m also sure that Tony, knows about it. Correct?”

“Yes. What about it?” You ignore the fact that she knows this despite not telling her. You had long given up on how Pepper acquired her information. Perhaps Edward had mentioned it, but you couldn’t see why it would be of interest to him. 

“Well Tony can’t know where you’re going. So how would you feel if I told you, I could pull some strings to get you an all-expense paid internship somewhere else?” 

“What’s the catch?” You ask sighing. This was all too much to process. 

“Instead of leaving in May, you’ll have to start preparing things now. You’ll need to leave as soon as possible so that you can get settled in by next week.” She quickly replied.

“Next week?” You gasp. “That doesn’t give me enough time to prepare. What about my course-load and credits? And my family, my friends? What would I tell them?”

“I already have everything handled.” She said raising her hands in a ‘calm-down’ kind of way. “Also, if you decide to leave you’ll need a place to stay for the time-being. I would offer my home, but Tony is too smart to not look there. You’ll need to stay somewhere he won’t find you until we can get you shipped out.” 

Is she for real? You thought to yourself. “Wait, you’re really serious about getting me to leave.” You say, through a pained chuckle.

“This is what’s best.” She simply replied, pursing her lips. 

“What do you get out of this Pepper?” You ask deciding now was the perfect moment to let your frustration boil over. “I mean, Tony is your ex, and I am the on who cheated on your son with said ex. You should be happy that Edward is about to ruin us. Why should I trust you?”

“Well first, let’s have the Tony conversation, it clearly makes you feel guilty.” She said drawing in a sharp breath. “His and my relationship was over before it even started. We were supposed to remain friends instead of lovers, but we ruined that with marriage. There are no hard feelings, so I don’t care who he’s with, even if it’s you. Now, on to Edward.”

She sat up in her chair to clasp her hands around her knee. “I am the reason he is the way he is. And for that, I apologize. In all honesty Y/N, I always liked you. I saw myself in you, and I still said nothing as I let him ruin you. I felt that you would be good for him. I ignored the fact that he wasn’t good for you. Guilt has consumed me, and the only way I see fit to redeem myself is to do my part in making sure he doesn’t ruin his father and you. I am trying to help.”

You wanted to believe her, but you still had your doubts. “How do I know this is all the truth? This whole injunction thing could be a ploy to get me out of the picture.”

Her patience was thinning. “If you want to risk it, then go right ahead. But don’t forget who you’re dealing with here. Edward has promised to stop if you leave. At least this way, everyone gets to keep what they worked so hard for. That article can do serious damage to your future career and Tony’s current one. And Edward will not stop until he’s satisfied.” 

At this point Pepper had said all that she came to say. So she stood to leave, but not before saying one last thing. “Tony doesn’t know I’m here. I’d like to keep it that way. Also, you don’t have much time to think about this one dear. The longer you stay, the more you risk. Contact me once you’ve made your decision”

You looked at her with your eyes full of sorrow. Pepper’s eyes could only offer you sympathy. You really wanted to believe she was telling the truth. But if she was, you had a lot to think about. You wished someone else could make the decision for you.

__________________________________________________________________

“Sweetheart!” Tony shouted, voice booming off of the walls. “Did you spill something on the rug?!Wait the fucking couch too!” 

How the hell did he see that, we scrubbed the shit out of those stains. You think to yourself, without answering him.

You could hear him as he stomped up the stairs, searching the rooms to find the one you were in. He found you in the laundry room, folding his and your clothes. “We have a housekeeper you know.” He reminded as he leaned against the doorway amused by the sight before him. 

“She’s a little weird, I saw her admiring my panties.” You answered weakly. 

He shook his head, as if you were the one being absurd. “That’s not weird, I do it all the time.  Anyway, did you spill wine downstairs?” 

“Yea sorry.” You reply. He could tell you were a bit off, since you didn’t laugh at his joke. You hadn’t even looked at him since he arrived. 

“Are you okay?” He asks stepping a bit closer. 

“I’m fine.” You responded, absentmindedly folding one of his shirts. 

“You’re lying.” He stated, pretty sure of himself. “If this is about the article, I got the publisher to pull it. It’s gonna be played off like a rumor.”

“It’s not about the article.” You sigh.

“So it is something. What is it?” He pressed, placing a hand over your folding ones to get them to stop

You knew he wasn’t going to give up, so you decided to just get it over with. “I had a talk with Pepper today.”

“Not this shit again.” He grumbled dropping his hands to exit the room. 

“Tony listen. She made a few good points.” You say following him as he strides away to his bedroom. 

“I don’t care about the points she’s made Y/N. I told you that you have nothing to worry about.” He countered, sounding exhausted. He had been exhausted since that night with Edward. 

“If that’s true then why did you go see Edward today?” 

“Who told you that?” He asked, spinning around to eye you suspiciously

“You just did.” You watched his face change from curiosity to awe. It was rare for you to outsmart him. “If you’re not worried, why were you there.”

He turned back around to loosen his tie, before saying “I don’t have to have this conversation right now.”

You exhaled loudly, frustrated with his stubbornness. “Either we have this conversation now, or we never have it.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” He asked in an amused tone. 

“It means, you should say all you want to say to me now, before I leave.” You answered. This got him to turn back around and face you. 

“Before you leave? What kind of bullshit has Pepper been spewing now?”

You pause and think before saying another word. You had already said too much. He wasn’t supposed to know you were leaving, let alone that Pepper was even here. If you were gonna do this though, you didn’t want any words left unsaid. That was your reasoning behind what you would say next. “She thinks it’s best if I leave.”

“Leave? For what?” He asked closing the distance between you. 

“Edward is calling for your removal as head of Stark Industries.

“Oh that? I'm not worried about that. Like I said, it’s another tantrum and it will blow over.” He stated, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. 

“Your son throws huge tantrums Tony. And this one doesn’t seem like its gonna just blow over. This is really serious, and Pepper feels like he has a fighting chance.” You state, ignoring his fingers that wandered along your skin. He always tried to use sex to take your mind off of things.

“A fighting chance? On the grounds of what? That I stole his little girlfriend.” He teased, grabbing your lower back to pepper kisses along your neckline. 

“Quit it, this is serious.” You whined, shoving him off of you. 

Sighing from both rejection and frustration, Tony lowly replies “It’s really not.” 

“You know what, maybe not to you, but I will not let you throw away your entire legacy. I’m leaving so you don’t mess your life up.” You bite, frustrated with his indifference. You began making your way to your old room to go and pack your things.

You were almost in the door until Tony harshly gripped your wrist, whipping you around to face him. “Who are you to make that decision for me? Huh? You don’t know a fucking a thing about this.” He barked, tone getting more aggressive the longer he spoke. “Who cares about Edward and his little temper-tantrums. Even if he takes the company, at the end of the day, I’m still filthy, fucking, rich. And if I wanna have you, I’m gonna have you. You’re mine. No one else is gonna tell me different.” He spat. 

“Let go,” you said, flinging your wrist free of his grip. Once free, you immediately began to back away. Tony’s glare weakened once he realized how badly he overreacted. He had began to succumb to all the stress that this was all causing him. He took it out on you, which he immediately regretted. You would be a damn liar though, if you said hearing him speak that way didn’t make you sexually frustrated. But you had a face to uphold in that moment. He needed to think you were mad at him. “What happened to me not belonging to anyone? You think because you’re ‘filthy, fucking’ rich’ you can just make me yours?”

Tony let his guilt show, “Kitten, you know that’s not what I meant.”

“Goodnight Tony.” You say, as you slink in to your old room, the one you and Edward used to share.

“Wait, please.” He begged, taking a step forward. 

You slammed the door shut before he could reach inside, sliding down the cool wood until you reached the floor. He began knocking against the door, pleading with you to open it so that you could talk things out. Tony was not a man in need of much, so to hear desperation overtake his emotions left you wrecked. 

You immediately began sobbing into your shirt, doing your best to muffle your cries. You did not want to leave, but you could not be the reason his life’s work got flushed down the drain. 

He would be over you in no time. You would get over him as well. That’s what you had to keep telling yourself as you texted Pepper your decision to leave. 

__________________________________________________________________

Jerking awake after your fight, you realized that the sun had gone down. You checked your phone, and saw that it was almost time for you to leave. Pepper would be over to pick you up soon, so you quietly got up to pack, careful not to alert Tony if he was near. 

You packed light. Very light. Everything fit into a bag that you could carry over your shoulder. You were only taking the things you felt absolutely necessary, like your toothbrush, underwear, a few outfits, and anything else that you could fit into the small bag. Pepper insured that she would take care of the rest. You informed of her of your fight with Tony. She was disappointed that you let him know you were leaving but she expected it from you, which is why she never told you exactly where you were going. 

You had to stay with someone else until your departure, because it would be easier to keep the secret of your destination away from Tony among other things. Now the problem lied in where you would stay. He knew all of your friends. He had even met some of your closest family members through Edward. And as Pepper mentioned before, you couldn’t stay with her, because it would be one of the first places he checked. You thought of Samuel and Elise from your favorite restaurant, but decided against them because you didn’t know where they stayed, nor did you have any way of contacting them. 

Maybe Nao. You thought, before shaking the idea out of your head as quickly as it came. There is no way she would let me, we just met and she didn’t mean her offer literally. 

But if she didn’t mean it, she wouldn’t of given me her number. Plus, Tony doesn’t know her, so she’s perfect. You silently debated with yourself. You were desperate so you shot her a text pleading your case. You gnawed at the inside of your cheek. You weren’t one to really ask people big favors like this one, so you were nervous. 

Nao replied back not even two minutes later, offering you an invitation to bunk with her for as long as you needed. You immediately shot her a thank you and continued your packing. 

You had to move quickly before you changed your mind. Everything that Tony got for you would remain here. Not having much money to your name, you could have sold it and made yourself a pretty coin, but that wasn’t the type of woman you were. Besides all of it meant so much to you, everything had sentimental value, just because he had given it to you. You decided to display every single thing he ever got for you on the bed and floor. The shoes, the lace, the bags, clothes, etc. When you came across the jewelry that he got you, it proved to be a challenge. Every one he had purchased on very special occasions, like your birthday, Christmas…Valentine’s Day. You thought when you came across the destroyed remains of the Cartier bracelet he got for you that day. ‘My heart belongs to you, T.S.’  You wanted to take it. You desperately wanted to take it to have something that reminded you of him, but seeing as the small plaque itself probably cost him thousands you decided to leave it. Rubbing the cold metal between your fingers one last time, you set it down. 

You thought to leave your phone. Tony had it replaced it for you when you lost it in Italy  on one of your trips. You weren’t certain about whether or not he would trace it if he was really desperate. Okay now I’m being ridiculous. He doesn’t care about me that much, you thought, before placing the device back in your pocket now heading to the door. 

Even while touching the knob you were careful. Making the slightest sound could set him off to your presence. He was a pretty light sleeper unless he was blackout drunk, so you weren’t wrong for your caution. Turning it slowly, opening the door even slower, you slipped through it once it was wide enough.

“Y/N” you heard him murmur from behind you. At the sound of his voice you stifled a squeal of surprise. When you turned to confront him, determined to make your case for leaving, your eyes had to travel down to the floor where he resided. You saw him fast asleep, back against your doorway. Had he been there since your fight? Your thoughts were interrupted when you saw the flashing of lights outside, signaling that Pepper was there. You were starting to unravel. Tears did not threaten to leave your eyes, they promised. As they spilled down your cheeks you shook them away along with your weak thoughts. The sight of Tony at your doorstep almost made you drop your bags and forget all your previous worries. 

Almost.

  A/N: Please do not claim my work as your own. Please leave a comment, a like, and reblog, it honestly really means the world to me when I get comments. 

[overwhelminglyaquarius]

‘let’s elope’

replaying trr3 for the millionth time, i saw (and loved) this dialogue from liam, so i wrote a potential different route this could've taken

pretty self explanatory, hope you enjoy! :)

/////

Yes, they were engaged, (at long last, they would add). But, yes, there were still difficulties. For Charlotte, one of the most irritating was the idea that it was ‘improper’ for the two to share a bed before they’re married.

‘If only they knew that not having a bed isn’t that much of an obstruction for Liam,’ she thought to herself. 

It’s not even that he’s perhaps the most handsome man to have walked the Earth, though she does think that it is fitting that Cordonia is so close to where the Greek Gods would have lived. No, the issue is that it doesn’t allow for a shred of private domesticity until they’ve so publicly made their vows.

Sometimes, her need to be near to him becomes too great to care what certain onlookers may think. The way he made her heart expand earlier in the day by instantly looking for her as they arrived at the Castellarian estate, only to take her hand and sneak a kiss, did nothing to help her keep her affection for him at bay.

So now that they were in the company of people Charlotte genuinely considered to be trustworthy, she felt confident enough to let her love for him show a bit more.

That’s why, after the wine tasting, she and Liam stood at the balcony whilst the rest were mingling and lightly clearing up. She had, at some point, snaked her arms under his jacket and around his waist, head resting lightly on his chest as he wrapped one of his strong arms around her in turn.

They’d settled on a wine choice for their wedding, talking about other little nothings to do with the day as they looked out over the vineyard.

She was lucky. She was so incredibly lucky, and she knew it.

Shifting her head to look up at him, she was struck once again by the reality of it all. This beautiful, kind, caring, witty man was hers. Soon enough, he’d be hers forever. It was all she could do to drag her thoughts away from just repeating the words, “iloveyouiloveyouilo-“.

Honestly, she might be embarrassed if he could hear her thoughts, but a tugging in her heart reminded her that she had incredible evidence to believe he felt the same way.

Head tilting downwards, his eyes caught hers. She could see the shift in emotion as their eyes met – she could write essays about how beautiful he is when he is able to take just a tiny bit of the weight of the world off of his shoulders.

He was silent for a moment before he spoke, choosing his words carefully.

“You know… I know that we’ve agreed to make our wedding a public event for rallying Cordonia’s allies and people, but part of me wishes that it could just be the two of us, with no one else to distract us.”

Charlotte’s straightened slightly as her arms loosened to instead relax on his sides. Turning to face him, the previous repetition in her head restarted.

Liam almost took her hesitance to respond as disapproval, or a sign that he shouldn’t have shaken the already rocky road that had brought them to their engagement. He was ready to amend what he’d said when she looked up at him once again, turning the idea over in her head with furrowed brows.

“Well… why don’t we?”

“Sorry?”

“Oh, I mean, it could be, right? Just us? We could pull it off. I’ve seen enough movies to know that people can get married almost anywhere, by anyone,” she began to ramble. He felt her swinging their interlocking hands as she went on and couldn’t help but grin at her.

He did that a lot lately.

She was still talking, though. “I mean, you remember in that grotto in Italy during the ‘dark days’,” she made exaggerated quotation marks with one hand, “and you asked me what I could picture our alternative future as being? And I said I could see us getting married in a small church on a cliff? Well, why don’t we?”

Her chattering was growing more excited. Unbeknownst to the couple, it started turning a few heads in their direction. The rest of the gang were used to it, proud of their friends for finding this kind of love, even if they couldn’t quite hear what they were actually even talking about.

Penelope, however, was new to such occurrences. Even the blind could see the love between the pair – it radiated off them in waves. For months, she had felt guilty about her role in the scheme against Charlotte. She knew now how deeply they loved each other, but any time they interacted in her presence, she felt like a horrible intruder in their lives. To have kept them apart was a cruel act, even if she had naively thought at the time that Charlotte’s heart lay with Tariq.

“Max could covertly find a place, and I’m sure Drake would be willing to officiate. We wouldn’t even need the fanciest clothes, well, apart from a ring, but we could do it. I mean, if you really wanted to?”

Liam could see his whole future when he looked at her, and it shone with the brightest sunshine.

He gently cupped her face and kissed her, unable to hold back any longer.

Anyone still spying on the pair hastily looked away.

Her hands found purchase clutching to his button up as the kiss deepened. 

After what they both considered to be too short a moment, they separated. Charlotte was left breathless, a culmination of her excitement and unpreparedness. Looking up as they caught their breath, she tilted her head in silent question.

His responding smile was so wide and laden with love that she felt her heart working overtime to sew up the seams where it had burst.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes. I- yes. Let’s do it.” He pecked her lips again, still panting softly. Both hands were still on her face as he continued.

“There’s a chapel on the coastline. It’s sat on a cliff right by the sea. A small, old, white building – nothing around it save for a small town a half mile away. I found it online after we spent that evening together in the grotto. The image you painted of us, there, together, stuck in my mind. It’s a stunning scene.”

Charlotte felt her bones go weak.

“I- Do you think we could?” she ventured.

His face contorted as he went over all the possibilities, quickly coming to a conclusion. He took a deep breath.

“I would imagine you’re right about Drake officiating. Maxwell and Hana, too, could be there as witnesses and, besides,” he paused, taking a beat to properly look at her before he continued, “all I need for my wedding is you.”

[drummergirl231-2]

I don’t even know what to title this.

I’ve been trying to come up with a title for I don’t know how long and now I’m legit crying because I can’t even figure out how to start this post... so this will have to do.

I’m not okay. I can’t keep up with all this and everything going on in my life. I feel like I’m strapped into a car on a collision course for a brick wall and I’m just frozen in fear anticipating the impact. 

Everything has kind of been spiraling out of control in my personal life (if you want you can skip to the bolded headings for what’s relevant to this blog).

My parents - whom a lot of you know about from my GoFundMe - are moving from California to Tennessee. I can’t afford to stay in California so I have to go with them (though they insist my going with them is my choice and that I totally have other options... but whatever. At least I’ll be out of California). 

If my job can’t transfer me, I’ll lose it just when I was going to get the most hours (and therefore money) of the year, but my parents refuse to wait until after Christmas to sell.

My grandma recently died and even though my grandpa (step-grandfather) invited us up to the house at one point, his horrible son met us on the porch and rudely refused to let us in, telling us his father wasn’t seeing anyone. Now that his horrible son has left, grandpa invited my uncle and aunt up, but not my parents or me, and my uncle said he’s going to do what he can to bring us what we want of grandma’s. I didn’t get to say goodbye to my grandma because her death was sudden, and now I’m scared I won’t get to say goodbye to the only grandpa I’ve ever known, either, because I’m moving to Tennessee and he’s 89 and has heart problems and I’m scared he’ll die of a broken heart in every sense. I’d have liked to say goodbye to the house, too. My grandma didn’t want a funeral. She was one of those “Don’t fuss over me,” types who fussed over all of us. I have zero closure in this situation.

I have to get ready to move but have no idea how/when/where to start. I’m terrified of the 4 day journey to Tennessee, trapped in an SUV with my parents and five animals, including my poor elderly cat, Kira, whose anxiety makes mine look mild. I have Misophonia and so many food allergies I can’t eat out so I don’t know how I’ll do food for four days. My parents say they won’t bring the camping stove for me to warm up my lunches. It’s like they never raised an autistic child.

Things have been crazy for “Kristen,” me, but losing my grandparents, my home, possibly my job, and moving far from any family or friends I trust aside... things haven’t been easy for “DG,” me, either. 

As badly as I want to start a youtube channel about Autism, Misophonia, food allergies, gut health, emotional abuse, etc., I cannot find the answers no matter how much I google when it comes to the tech problems I’ve faced. And I’m not even sure when I’d be able to record these videos because my parents are almost never gone. And when they are it’s not for long, and I just want to relax, and breathe, and be in the living room, and talk and sing out loud, and do all the things I don’t get to do when they’re here for just a little bit. I stay in my room so much I feel like I’m a diver holding my breath and as soon as they leave I can surface and gasp for air. 

Also, I’m getting more and more self-conscious about my acne and this one tooth I have that’s crooked because my mom has enjoyed commenting on them lately and it makes me kind of scared to share my face with the internet and last night I legit had a dream about trying to get these things fixed with more braces and foundation. Like what even I literally don’t care about this stuff when people don’t comment on it. Why do I have to be so sensitive?

Problem is, I am figuring out why. I’ve been doing so much research on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and narcissistic abuse to try to understand my parents and childhood and young adult years, that not only have I been able to identify it in my abusers, but I’ve found some traits in myself. And I’ve searched and studied and tried to see if I have it and after this inward witch hunt I have to conclude I don’t have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but I have a few signs of vulnerable narcissism. Even if they’re not enough for a label, they’re definitely things I need to work on (things like hypersensitivity, victim mentality, sulking and shut down, self-sabotage, things like that... and now apparently vanity, but only when people frequently give me flack about my face). Trouble is I don’t know how to work on these because I have no mentor, no counselor/therapist, no pastor, nothin’. And most of the videos about Narcissism are about identifying it or surviving it as the victim, not growing past the traits, because full-blown narcissists generally don’t acknowledge their flaws and try to fix them. So I’m at this annoying and fruitless phase of “self-improvement” where I just frequently scold myself for my thoughts.

YouTube ambitions and flaws aside, I have people waiting for the next chapter of my fanfic, and no one’s been pushy or anything, but there’s this huge weight on me to write, write, write, but with everything else going on in my life I just feel stuck. Like my brain is just “NERP.” And I feel guilty, like I’m the biggest disappointment to people.

And then there’s this blog itself. 

It’s begun to feel more like an obligation for me rather than recreation. Every week I dread the time after a new episode airs. I want to make posts at my pace, about what I want to talk about, like what I used to do. 

But sometimes the link I get has a weird video player window that I can’t make the right size to make decent gifs, and sometimes I can’t even take screenshots because when I pause it it’ll have the play triangle in the middle of the screen and the bottom of the screen will get dark, or sometimes the link just stops working. So I wait for the episode to go up on watchcartoononline because that’s where it works best for me but in the meantime I’m missing out on the fandom being online and by the time the episode goes up I’m just like, “What if the post I make of this moment gets like zero notes because it’s already been giffed and talked about a million times and I’m late to the party? What if I’m disappointing everyone?”

I try to not post anything until I can post about the episode properly, and I’ve asked people not to send me asks or messages with episode spoilers until they’ve seen proof on my blog that I’ve seen the episode, but that hasn’t stopped them. I get spoilery asks anyway.

I get a link relatively quickly but mainly I ask for people to wait for proof I’ve seen the episode because I want a chance to get my own thoughts on the episode out first before people ask me about specific things or straight up demand I talk about what they want me to talk about on my blog. 

For a couple weeks I even made all my posts and saved them as drafts first so real quick I could just post ‘em all in a row and get ‘em out, because I know the second I post one thing I’ll have everyone going “OMIGOSH SHE’S ONLINE,” and trying to send me asks and messages and I’ll be trying to juggle them all while trying to make more posts about what I want to talk about. I feel like I have to reply to those messages because if I don’t I’m scared they’ll see me make another post after they’ve sent their message and be like, “What the heck she’s online why won’t she reply to me?” So sometimes I’ll just stop posting and hope and pray they think they just missed me or something, which isn’t fair to them.

But then I’ll see something new on my dash - art from khionyohann, new screencaps for the upcoming episode that DuckTalks shared - and I’ll want to reblog it, but then I’ll think: “I can’t reblog anything... people will know I’m online then. And I still haven’t posted about the episode. I can’t do things out of order. They’ll think, ‘Why isn’t she talking about the new episode? Why isn’t she answering my asks? Why isn’t she replying to me?”

And by the time the episode gets posted on watchcartoononline (and as long as I don’t have a migraine and I’m not paralyzed with fear), I make my posts, but by then I feel like I’m super late and I don’t even know what the point is of me reblogging things anymore, if I even remember there were things I wanted to reblog.

My time here has become nothing but me trying to please people while simultaneously trying to hide from them.

So... blarg. All that to say, I’m closing my ask box for a while. And I’m sorry to disappoint people. I’m just so overwhelmed by everything right now. Extroverted thinking isn’t even a cognitive function that comes naturally to an INFJ! It’s utterly exhausting. 

And while I do still want to do more posts about the latest episode, I hope you’ll understand that things are just crazy for me right now and I’m not in a good place. I’m trying to be okay and I’m trying to be so excited about an episode that I get motivated enough find ways to blog about it no matter what but I don’t have the energy. I want to reblog stuff, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I want to interact. 

And for the few I consider true friends on here, please know I’m not asking you to leave me alone or anything. Just know I might not respond as soon as you message me... which, honestly, you’re probably all used to by now, but I still feel super guilty about it.

I just need to simplify my time on here a little bit because I’m not okay.