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plinkcat-gif · 2 years

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📓 im requeeeeeeesting the babys momo and mosu

send me a 📓 (book emoji) and i’ll share a brainrot idea!

ehehehehe momo+mosu part one it is :33

info to note:

- zetsu is still alive. madara has been taken care of though!

- obito knows about zetsu’s plans and the infinite tsukuyomi, but zetsu has yet to make any appearance since he left so there’s no point in chasing that until a clue comes up.

- obito is bad at dying because he has hashirama cells. the kids have seen him chop off a finger while making dinner and grow a new one in minutes. kakashi and rin are not that way. kakashi and rin are very human and far more vulnerable.

so for the first few years, all is well because obkkrin deserve a goddamn BREAK AJSJSKSJDJ.just raising the kids, no big killer missions, just taking enough to keep themselves afloat and then some. it’s really just peaceful and nice and they actually have the time to relish in the break and realize that just. they can have peace in their lifetimes. it does exist for them.

momo unlocks her sharingan first, though. i’ve mentioned a few times that it’s because of a breakdown, because she was already very emotionally/mentally/sensory overwhelmed and overstimulated. it was just a bad day :( rin tells her she needs to come inside, she can’t play in the rain for long or she’ll get a cold, and it Sets Her The Fuck Off. she explodes, yelling about how she hates everyone and she never wants to live here anymore, grabs her stuffed wolf and a peach, and leaves. obkkrin don’t wrangle her back, they let her settle in the emotions, and kakashi finds her about ten minutes later crying at the base of a tree not even two minutes from the edge of their land. he recognizes the sharingan of course, and it literally sends his heart and stomach DROPPING. same with obirin, who are like oh hell. oh she hates us. oh we are The Worst. because something in her obviously emotionally shifted to make her like this, and it was their fault.

momo is fine. they calm her and themselves down, and talk through the sharingan and what she was feeling, and it’s a bit of a mess of a conversation and she’s only six years old so she doesn’t really understand all these abstract concepts of feelings being thrown her way, but they’re back. they’re normal again.

fast forward to age 12 or so, and momo finds out about sakumo’s suicide because kakashi finally feels comfortable enough to just. tell her what happened. and she obviously feels sad for him, but it doesn’t like Haunt Her like it haunts kks obviously, she didn’t even know the guy. bc autism makes it hard for empathy sometimes, yk the deal

anyways! zetsu comes back. momo+mosu are on a mission together, low c-rank mission transfer, and they get separated from their group. zetsu approaches, intending just to make his presence known to obito and to manipulate the kids for his future plans, because obito still has been manipulated by him before and kids are the perfect targets. how does he do this? in the most traumatic way possible of course <3 he puts momo in a genjutsu where kakashi is the one that commits suicide, and she has to find him. this is Obviously traumatic!! and she unlocks the two-tomoe sharingan and breaks herself out of the genjutsu that way.

mosu’s traumatic dream consists of watching kakashi “kill” rin. he has no context to this because of course obkkrin haven’t told them anything about how they got their scars except “i was crushed in a rockslide” and “i was impaled. isobu saved me though!” and scars are just a part of the shinobi experience. so mosu finds out kakashi was the one to hurt rin and nearly kill her and he’s. not furious. but he is very confused and upset. he unlocks his sharingan and breaks free in the same way as mosu.

they both run back home, completely abandoning the mission and even though they Know it was fake the blood is still on their hands and they can’t get rid of the image and they Have To Check. they get home and momo is immediately running to kakashi crying, can’t let go of him, is very clingy. mosu confronts kakashi and rin about what happened in his genjutsu, and of course kakashi can’t lie about that. so mosu finds out. rin has to smooth it over bc kakashi loves to make things his fault even though she did everything. she takes full credit for her actions, tells mosu as such, and there’s no like. child hating parent thing that goes on or whatever.

this does, unfortunately. result in the children playing favorite parents. and they can’t Really help it, they don’t mean to leave obito out, but. obito can care for himself. rin and kakashi cannot.

#kirpy answers #kirpy ocs #obkkrin #also in theory. this will get written eventually #sometimes after nsmap sjdjsksjd

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nierreplicantver122474487239 · 2 years

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(serious thoughts about the k/fka blog)

I never really started the blog with specific goals or guidelines in mind but generally speaking these were things I tried to promote

a sense of humor

being an autodidact (to the degree that someone who went to public high school can be an autodidact)

critical eye towards the cultural establishment (the actual establishment based on practices and institutions founded by like European nobility and the Catholic Church not ghostwriters being paid by the word)

he's not a remote figure

obviously none of these things are possible or palatable in the current climate which seems to be half last-minute power grab before the perceived rapture and half weird gay people looking for even weirder and gayer people to bully. this would be less of a problem if 1. people responded by actually participating in the serious quote/analysis parts of the blog and 2. it didn't create a massive vacuum that misc. reactionaries could astral project into. literally the only people left on the blog are people who think he's a representative of whatever genocidal pet project they have in mind and people who are so obsessed with cultivating this proper intellectual image they can't handle the parts of him that aren't perfectly beautiful and victimlike. like benjamin's essay about the 10th anniversary of his death isn't even particularly nasty or irreverent and it's still not as appealing to the "snobs" as a random flowery snippet from the letters. it's just so deeply dishonest and not good for the environment. why are you blowing a gasket about how it's racist to relate to him on a personal level when you're spamming the crying uwu emoji in every brod post and completely ignoring all the birds-eye view posts about the state of austro-hungarian medicine or the publishing industry in fin de siecle prague. you do realize that there is a person on the other end of this that can see your activity

and of course throughout all of this there's a bunch of people trying to be friends with me or looking up to me as some kind of political/moral paragon while being blissfully unaware of the fact that I'm actually in (insert group) that they wanted against the wall yesterday. this has sort of been a running theme with my germanistik experience where competence in western art forms/languages has frequently been the only thing separating me from being treated like complete garbage (or in the case of vienna, the only thing keeping me from being assaulted) and the feeling doesn't get less creepy the more times it happens. I neither like nor trust using him as a shield as he wasn't able to really defend himself this way in life and there's no reason to believe it'll work out better in death. I mean I personally know and understand that there are external points of contact and similarity between the two of us that would justify me relating to him on a human level in front of any sane historian but the people who are making a half-living panicking about bad femininity and autism are generally not historians or operating in good faith when it comes to history.

in conclusion the situationists were right and I'm gonna do my best to end the blog on a bad note and then it's just gonna be my private archive for all the clippings I've accumulated over the past 6 years. it would be kind of fitting for the blog to begin with a stalking incident and end with a completely different stalking incident but I'm gonna hope that people have moved on. or not,

#ignore the weird wording I'm trying to avoid search

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javi-reno · 1 year

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JR: Javi sat outside his quarters rocking himself, banging his back against the wall, counting under his breath. He knew the ESR had gone to find either Lilly or Joe even though he has said not to. It was his Job after all. He had made the mistake of returning to his quarters to See what needed to be done to make them habitual again and has instantly gotten overwhelmed. Everything was damaged by cold and smelled a bit like a cold graveyard. He had backed out quickly but knew it was to late to prevent the overload which was coming

LB: Lily heard the beeping from the ESR, and got up to follow them back to wherever Javi was at the time. She found him outside his quarters, and immediately sat next to him on the floor. She looked at Javi, and projected calm vibes. “Are you alright? I know it’s a massive clean up, and we’ll get through it. You’re also welcome to stay in our quarters until it’s been sorted.”

JR: Javi just let out a whine from between his teeth, slapping his hand on his thighs as he rocked. Part of his mind reminded him that Lily hadn’t see him have a meltdown before and wouldn’t know what was going on. That she didn’t know that he wouldn’t be able to talk

LB: She truly didn’t know what was happening, nor did she know how to help. While still projecting calm, she looked at the ESR for guidance.

JR: the ESR bleeped at her before nudging at Javi’s bag. Inside was Javi’s padd, a sketch boot and a small drawstring bag. It bleeped again and showed a computer emoji

LB: She nodded and reached for Javi’s bag, bringing out the pad and other items; setting them next to Javi.

JR: the ESR beeped and the Pad screen lit up. A folder called autism was on the screen, partially filled with colourful slides. It looked like Javi had been making it for lily

LB: Lily sat silently and read through the slides on Javi’s pad, reading slowly and being silent. She knew he must have seen his quarters and it was overwhelming. Turning to Javi, she asked, “Would you like to go to the cultivation bay?…” She continued to project calm, as she had done when he was in med bay.

JR: Javi looked at her, unable to make any decisions, words just going straight over his head. The lights in the corridor were too bright and he could here them humming. He could here the whole ship humming

LB: She spoke softly, “Computer, dim the lights and muffle the sound.” Immediately she noticed the lights dim and the ship sounded a bit quieter. There had been no judgement that he didn’t answer her, and she sat next to him silently.

JR: Javi wanted pressure and to curl up but the corridor wasn’t the place for it, but words still weren’t possible and he couldn’t work out how to communicate with Lilly. He rocked harder into the wall

LB: She looked at Javi again and spoke softly, “Would you like a hug?” She remembered what she had read, and thought it a good question to ask.

JR: Javi leaned into her instead of answering, clicking with his tongue

LB: She wrapped her arms around him and held him, still projecting calm.

JR: Javi takes her hands and try’s to pull her arms tighter round him. When in this state, the firmer the pressure the better, to light of a touch would send him into an even bigger spiral

LB: She followed his lead and hugged him as tightly as she could, while hopefully not restricting his ability to breathe.

JR: Javi’s hands were shaking like a leaf, another side effect of a meltdown. He spotted his padd and grabbed at it frantically being up a program. Tapping it, it started to speak- “Need quiet, pressure, soft.”

LB: She noticed his hands shaking and she listened to the program on the pad as it played. She remained where she was, silent and hugged Javi tightly.

JR: -Javi tapped again- “people will come. They will see. Need to hide.”

LB: She listened and spoke softly again, “Computer, open the doors to my quarters.” The doors opened, and she waited without making any sudden movements.

JR: -Javi flinched at the sudden noise of the doors, slamming his hands over his ears-

LB: She remained silent and sat there hugging Javi.

JR: -the pad spoke again ‘cuddle pile somewhere softer? Yours?’

LB: She nodded, “Yes, my quarters are open.” She made no sudden movement and answered the questions the pad had spoken.

JR: ‘Help. Legs not co-operating’ -Javi bit his own hand letting out a loud whine in annoyance-

LB: She gently tried to help Javi to stand, though she didn’t want to interfere with his ability to decide for himself what he wanted to do.

JR: -Javi tried to help, his legs shaking as much as his hands. He wanted to get somewhere safe he could curl up warm, everything was screaming at him to get into lilys quaters, that it’s safe in there, but his body wasn’t co-operating-

LB: She slowly attempts to stand while trying to help Javi stand as well.

JR: -Javi is up right but unsure about how to get any further-

LB: She smiled at Javi, and began to walk slowly one step at a time toward her now open quarters.

JR: -Javi closes his eyes, clicking his tongue, letting lily lead. It was easier to balance if he muted one of his other senses/

LB: She walked slowly, one step at a time until they reached the sofa in her quarters. The living room was dimly lit, the stars shining outside in space. Her two cats had been having a nap in a hammock attached to the window. Her pillows and mushroom duvet were on the sofa, as well as a mushroom stuffie. She sat down slowly, hugging Javi tightly when they did. Hopefully ESR had followed and didn’t remain in the hallway, her focus was on Javi.

JR: -Javi moved himself so he was curled round lily, his head in her lap, face hidden in her stomach. He would move if she wanted him to and held himself stiffly waiting for her approval-

LB: She reached for the blanket and wrapped it around Javi, gently rubbing his back. The cats continued their nap, not making a sound.

JR: -Javi let tears fall as whining started in his throat. He let himself fall apart properly knowing he was safe-

LB: She kept holding Javi, gently rubbing his back and singing an old Gallifreyan lullaby that she used to sing to her children.

JR: -it seemed to take forever for the wave of overwhelming feeling to past and for Javi to stop crying. His head was pounding and everything was still to much but he felt slightly more in control-

LB: She remained sat where she was, making no attempt to get up though she wanted to offer Javi some tea.

JR: -Javi looked up at lily, his face white and tremors occasionally running through his body- “Hi” -he wasn’t fully verbal yet but one word answers he could do-

LB: She smiled, continuing to gently rub his back and kept the blanket wrapped around him. “Hello.” Thinking about the tea again, she decided to ask. “Would you like some tea? It can wait if you’re not ready.”

JR: -Javi thought for a moment- “Jasmine” -his go to post meltdown tea-

LB: Looking at Javi she spoke softly, “I’m going to get up to get the tea, and I’ll be right back.” She still made no sudden movement, waiting a moment before trying to stand and leave the sofa.

JR: -Javi still flinched at the loss of contact but nodded. He hadn’t had a meltdown like this for sometime-

LB: She hugged him before she left to walk to the replicator, bringing back two mugs of tea and handing him his before she sat down next to him again.

JR: -Javi’s hands shock round the cup and he looked at lily quickly- “help”

LB: She nodded, her mug already set aside on the end table. Gently she held his hands while he held the cup.

JR: -he looks from the cup to lily- “sorry” -he swollows hard- “useless” -he half wants to run and hide in a Jeffers tube but knows his legs won’t let him-

LB: She looked at Javi, “It’s alright, and you are not useless.” She wasn’t sure if was an aftershock of what happened nor why he thought that of himself when he had thought ahead and provided her instructions to help him.

JR: -Javi could feel himself spiralling. He couldn’t hold a cup or speak more then one word at a time. He was making his friend baby him when she should@be spending time with Joe-

LB: She felt her hearts breaking, and tried to be what Javi needed at that time. She continued to help hold the cup, holding his hands. Joe was on the bridge, she knew everything would be alright.

JR: -Javi knew drinking straight out the cup wasn’t going to work. The ESR carried silicon drink straws but he was currently MIA. He looked at lily- “straw?”

LB: She nodded and would stand up in a moment. “I do keep some in the kitchen. I’ll be right back.” Looking around she noticed the ESR wasn’t in the room with them.

This was concerning, because it was usually close.

JR: -Javi pressed the pendent round his neck. It was a call button for the ESR. It wasn’t responding. He flapped his hands waiting for lily to return-

LB: She quickly walked to the kitchen and retrieved a straw, placing it in Javi’s cup for him. The ESR not being there also had her alarmed, and she looked at Javi. “I’m going to check the corridor for ESR.” Again she waited before getting up again.

JR: -Javi again clicked the button. If ESR was within 250 meters he would have responded-

LB: She stood and walked to the doors of her quarters, looking around. The last place she had seen ESR and she was concerned because it hadn’t responded to Javi’s call.

JR: -Javi could feel himself starting to panic but tried not to let it rise. Maybe the ESR had thought they needed extra support and gone looking for joe.-

“Joe?”

LB: She tapped her communication badge, @Joseph_Bede “Have you seen ESR recently?” While waiting for him to reply she held her breath.

JR: -Javi wrapped the blanket more tightly round himself and laid curled into a ball on the sofa, still seeking pressure-

LB: She returned to the sofa, sitting on the floor and hugging Javi.

JR: -Javi moves himself enough so his head is off the sofa and resting on lilys shoulder-

LB: She gently rubbed his arm, beginning to sing softly to him like she did earlier.

JB: While he had been on the bridge he heard a beeping, and turned to have a look. Knowing this was important he stood up to leave the bridge. He would use the teleporter, first checking the cultivation bay before checking their quarters.

JR: -Javi closed his eyes, abstantly biting at his thumb, his body still shaking randomly, half dozing-

LB: She continued to hug him and sing to him, keeping the blanket securely wrapped around him.

JR: -even in his half awake state Javi was wondering were ESR was-

JB: He walked into his quarters, immediately walking over and sitting on the floor next to his wife and where Javi could see him. “Are you alright?”

JR: -looks at Joe and shakes his head. Without removing his hand from his mouth he touches the calling pendant round his neck again to no effect-

JB: He nodded, looking between Javi and his wife while remaining sat on the floor.

LB: She remained where she was, still hugging Javi and resting her head against Joseph’s shoulder.

JR: -Javi hadn’t noticed he had drawn blood where he was chewing at his thumb, his eyes unfocused, stil shuddering at random intervals. Beeping was heard from near by-

LB: She continued to hug Javi while resting her head against Joseph’s shoulder, and she heard the beeping which she hoped was ESR.

JB: He held his wife and rubbed her back, unsure of what he could do for Javi at the moment.

JR: -The beeping got louder and the little robot skidded into view. He was filthy and leaving dirty marks wherever he want but he skidded straight up to Lilly and opened his compartment. Stuffed tightly inside was something fluffy and blue-

LB: She turned to look at the robot, taking out the stuffie and setting it on Javi’s midsection. “What happened?” She asked ESR.

JB: He closed his eyes for a moment, thinking that the room could be sorted later.

JR: -Javi eyes cleared slightly as he grasps the stuffy and hugs it tight to his chest and uses the odd to talk- “this was in my room, hidden, he must have gone through the air ducks to get in and find it”

LB: She listened and hugged Javi, “That explains where he went.” Again she turned to ESR, “Were you able to take photos of his quarters while you were there?”

JB: He sighed, thinking of the upcoming court martial.

JR: -The ESR bleeped and Javi’s padd lit up with pictures causing him to drop it and scramble away-

LB: She reached for the pad that had been dropped and passed it to Joseph, more focused on Javi then the pad. He could sort it.

JB: He smiled, watching his wife and trying to keep his mind out of the rubbish bins. When he had the pad he stood up and began to scroll through the photos. He was livid though he knew to let JAG sort it, they had evidence past his ears hopefully.

JR: -Javi curled into himself. His dinosaur trapped against his body, his arms wrapped around his legs, trying to provide as much pressure as possible as he rocked. He couldn’t get the images out of his head. The cold damage was terrible but it was obvious someone had been in there again and just trashed the place, it was 10 times worse then when he had done it. His art work destroyed, the slurs rewritten on the walls-

JB: He glanced from the pad to Javi and his wife, and scrolled through the images again. He was livid when he seen the art destroyed and the slurs especially enraged him. Shaking his head he swore in Gallifreyan.

LB: She continued to hug Javi, and blinked back tears as she seen the images due to the bond she and Joseph shared.

JR: -Javi had gone mostly numb which was possibly a good thing with the waves of colours coming from being touched by lily. His mind was slow, like walking through thick fog, and everything seemed far away-

LB: She was hurt by seeing the destroyed art and the slurs, humanity hadn’t evolved any though she hoped by now they would have. Now she only focused on Javi, trying to be comforting and soothing.

JB: He sent copies of the photos to his pad, and set it down on the table. Rather than walking back over he sat down in his chair for a few moments, trying to calm himself down.

JR: -Javi looked up suddenly his face covered in silent tears but his voice a monotone- “you should both stay away. I’m obviously a danger to everyone.” -the ESR immediately started beeping and showing angry emojis, obviously trying to tell Javi what it thought of that idea-

LB: She looked at Javi, “No, we won’t say away unless that is what you want. The ones who are responsible for this, are the danger to everyone.” She continued to hug him, feeling as though she had failed him.

JB: He looked at Javi and also his wife, hearing the ESR beeping. He agreed with what his wife had just said. Leaning forward he rested his head in his hands, “The only danger onboard is the cunts who think those slurs are acceptable to use.”

JR: -Javi folded in on himself, retuning his head to its previous position on lilys lap, needing to be close to someone. He didn’t know what to think or do.-

LB: She continued to hug Javi, and began to sing to him again in Gallifreyan.

JB: He stood up and walked to the replicator, getting cups of tea that he had seen were previously on the table. The new cups he set down on the table, and he sat down on the floor again by the sofa.

JR: -he reached out and tentivly started to play with Joe’s hair, ready to snap his hands back the minute he sensed any disapproval from the other man. The ESR started trying to match it a beeps to Lilys singing with limited success-

JB: He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, smiling. He was thankful for the distraction from his thoughts.

LB: She smiled, continuing to hug Javi as she sang. ESR could be taught Gallifreyan, as could Javi.

JR: -Javi firmed up his fingers slightly, smiling even as he shuddered, glades to be surrounded by friends-

JB: He reached for his wife’s hand and also extended his other to Javi. They would get through this, together.

LB: While she continued to hug Javi she also held Joseph’s hand, resting her head against his and smiling. There was still light in the dark.

JR: -Javi took Joes hand nuzzleing lilys leg where his head rested and giggling slightly as ESR tried to do a stunt only to hit a wall

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kitifulnines · 2 years

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couple of twitter stuffs from the past 24 hours

sonk created by Kirby_Popstar_

cyclops created by Crazl11

#sonic.exe #fnf #unsetting imagery #eye contact #body horror #kinda ????#shrugs #I rlly saw these characters and the autism grabbed me by the throat and wouldn't let me go until I drew them #and I'm not even done...#got another thing in the works rn eyes emoji #chip posts art

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thatautisticfeeling · 3 years

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I remember a time in school when I was being screened for autism and dyslexia, idk maybe the tests were supposed to help with my IEP

Anyway I don't remember much, mostly I remember organizing shapes into certain patterns

But one test, in particular, stands out in my memory.

The guy showed me a picture of a pencil, ✏ and it looked like this emoji even, except the tip was missing. And he said "what's wrong with this picture"

I thought about it, my first thought is I don't see anything wrong,

I think he ended up pointing out the missing tip and idk if I said it out loud but I remember thinking, so what? the tip is broken, just sharpen it, there's nothing wrong with it, it's a perfectly good pencil ✏ Why am I supposed to judge this pencil because of one easily remedied flaw?

And I guess that's why I'm autistic. Bc I believe things aren't useless when they don't meet expectations, bc I think about why is it being called out for being wrong when it's literally an object, why bring morals into this?

Bc the way I perceive semantics, if he had said "missing" instead of "wrong" I would have been able to point it out no problem, then proceed to remind him the lead is still inside the pencil, even if we can't see it.

Is me thinking about things from as many aspects as I can think of the reason I see double meaning in everything? Or does everyone do that and I'm just lacking the perspective that everyone already agrees on which one is "correct"?

They tell us we're the ones who think in black and white, but then get mad at us for not following arbitrary rules

They tell us that we're the ones with no empathy but when is it their turn to meet on our side? When is it their turn to even just meet in the middle?

Does this pencil represent me? And the perceived missing piece NTs can't see? Or do they just decide to focus on the fact that my lead doesn't show even though they know I have it inside.

Autistic people aren't empty inside, We Are Still People! We always have been and always will be, even if you can't see our tip, even if we require accomedations to be productive.

I suppose it's easier to just grab another pencil out of the box and throw away the perfectly good pencil bc sharpening it is inconvenient... when you benefit from capitalism.

#autism #neurodiversity #actually autistic #autistic #actually neurodiverse #neurodivergent

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jessie-writes-things · 3 years

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My Brain is Mush & I Don't Know What to Call This

I went a week and a bit without really taking a break and my brain finally caught up to me. So, I've spent the night trying to decompress and wrote this as part of it. I wrote the reader intending for them to be neurodiverse (mainly Autism), but really this is vague enough that it doesn't have to be that way.

Pairing: Marcus Pike x Neutral Reader

Words: 700

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: none

Marcus was good at knowing when you were having a bad day. It was all down to the little details, the things other people may not pick up on like the lack of emojis at the end of your texts, or just lack of texts altogether.

Or how when he got home past seven, that redish-goldish late summer sun was trapped outside, blackout curtains drawn closed. You had decked out the living room with warm coloured lamps and fairy lights because the cool-toned overheads that came with the apartment were “too bright”.

He held the door, closing it softly so it didn’t slam with the force of the gentle breeze, dropping his bag and kicking his shoes into line with yours.

Soft rain pittered out of the TV, the same ambient video he caught you playing at work sometimes. Crackling fires always released the tension in your shoulders, giving Marcus some debate on whether he should install one of those fake, electric ones. The ones that make the sounds with realistic flames projected from the bottom and he could get some wood-scented candles to match the spiced apple one you already had burning on the coffee table.

You were right where he had expected you to be, curled up in the armchair in the corner of the room. A pile of books rested on the floor, stacked messily on top of each other. You had been through them all, maybe getting a couple of pages through, maybe a chapter if you were lucky. That’s how he knew your mind must have been racing when Wendy Cope sits at the top untouched.

The hood of your jumper is pulled over your head, strings tightened, leaving the smallest gap for your eyes to peak out. It was big enough to be a blanket, really, stretched over your knees as you crammed yourself into the smallest spot on the chair. The legs of his well-worn sweatpants flopped over your socked feet.

You barely made any effort to acknowledge Marcus entering the room, except lifting your head up long enough for him to sit on the arm of the chair, falling back against his leg. Your cheek was warm against his thigh despite the layers of cloth between the two of you and he wondered how long it had been since you stopped crying.

He waited for you to make the first move, not knowing if you were in the talking mood or if you wanted to be touched. And it took you a while before shuffling to grab his hand with hooded mittens, not quite ready for direct contact. But you dragged him over your neck and shoulders to rest his hand between your knee and chin.

With the manufactured rain sounds and the bright flickering light of the candle, Marcus felt the tensions of his own day slipping away from him, eyes slowing beginning to droop close without even realising it.

It was a lot longer before you spoke. A lot longer. Although he couldn’t be sure how long.

‘I don’t like people.’ Your voice was so small, at first he thought he might have imagined it in his hazy, sleep-filled mind. ‘Not you. I like you. Just not other people.’

‘I like you too. I like other people too, but I like you the most.’

He felt the curve of your smile as you brought his hand to your lips, kissing it but then leaving it there. He waited to see if you wanted to say anything else but you didn’t, taking that as his cue to continue.

‘Did something happen at work?’ You nodded. He carried on. ‘You want to talk about it?’ You shook your head, eyes darting in front of you. His thumb smoothed over your warm cheek and it seemed to calm you down at least a little. ‘Later?’ You nodded.

‘You want me to start making dinner?’

You shook your head no, leaning further into his touch and he smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to your clothed head. He waited for the moment you scooted over, giving him room to settle more comfortably into the seat alongside you, tucking you in to his side.

It was a lot longer before you spoke. A lot longer. Voice small from your face being hidden against his chest.

‘I love you.’

Marus Pike club: @ravensmutty, @pedropascal2532

#jessie writes #marucs pike #marcus pike fluff #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fluff #unedited #marcus pike would be the best decompression buddy #second best to benny miller just because i feel like he'd make a great weighted blanket

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acemotes · 3 months

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Squeezed Creatures Emojis 2: 💛💞's petre<33

Requested by 💛💞 anon!!<3

As I said, 10-20 minutes...or 9 hours XD

Requests open!!

#acemojis #custom emoji #tbh emoji #autism emoji #autism creature emoji #tbh grab emoji #autism grab emoji #calico tbh emoji #calico autism emoji #calico autism creature emoji #discord emoji #request #requests open #syscourse dni #endo safe #💛💞 anon<3

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rawmeknockout · 4 years

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Can I request a scenario of the lost light helping out a liason with high functioning autism? They don't understand how to be physically affectionate and have difficulty getting their words out but they want to learn. (I honestly have no clue. I'm not big on being physically affectionate but that doesn't mean I won't try. I have this problem and most people I meet are put off by that.)

//most people i know arent touchy feely and respect boundaries so idk much about this topic but ill give it a go//

When Tailgate first wrapped his arms around you, a welcome to the Lost Light, the way you stiffened against him wasn’t an unnatural reaction. You were new to the ship, around giant mechs, and you arrived to do the job of a trained professional. Not just any person would be in your situation, so the mechs around you assumed you were going to be a no-nonsense type.

Despite how deeply you came to know the crew, however, you never relaxed at anyone’s touch. You shied away under friendly grabs or gentle pats, squirming when servos stayed on your back to long. You never verbally rebuffed anyone’s attempts to get comfortable with you, but it was obvious you didn’t have a lean towards the affectionate.

So instead, Tailgate would grab your hand when he was close by. His larger servo wasn’t tight, but a loose, amicable grip, when he would normally be very forward with his affection. Rung would give you gentle pats on the shoulder for a job well done or a good morning. Nautica leaned into more text-based affection, sending you smiley emojis frequently and emoji-filled status reports. Everyone found their own little ways of showing you their enthusiasm for your friendship.

Everyone found their own special language to speak with you.

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malkaviians-archive · 2 years

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1-20 gogogo

WOW okay let me get to it then i had to clarify 8 and 20 in dms

1. the meaning behind my url

i emotionally relate to the malkavian experience and i am cursed to never get the original url

2. a picture of me

i don't have a picture of me at this second (trust me you don't want one of me right now) so i'll grab a recent one (as in a few months ago)

3. tattoos i have

i have one of three hearts based off an emoji so that's cool

4. last time i cried and why

uh well today over complicated emotional and traumatic reasons mixed with the approaching death of my grandmother but no one is following me for all that

5. piercings i have

right now just my ears. i've had a bunch of stuff pierced but right now they're the only thing that's sticking

6. favorite band

destroy boys

7. biggest turn off(s)

i don't know right now sorry

8. top 5 vera and kieren friendship moments

easy list

you bought me a fucking best ex wife shirt for christmas. i haven't posted it on here yet but i have it. it is next to me as we speak

that time you reblogged my post like 8 times while drunk and i found out by you, on call, saying "i need to go to bed" while my younger sibling was making my life a living nightmare (as per the guidelines)

"it's both a win and a loss for autism tonight" post

every time we tell each other to like a fucking post

9. tattoos i want

i really want an octopus tattoo. i've been thinking of getting some moth tattoos since i'm a big fan of moths too. but those are the big ones

10. biggest turn on(s)

eeeeh

11. age

20. 21 in march

12. ideas of a perfect date

uh depends actually. i would probably

13. life goal(s)

probably just to be happy and comfortable. i'd like to be able to move somewhere, get a decent job, and be able to relax for once. which seems completely impossible but who knows

14. piercings i want

i want to get my nose re-pierced. i've always wanted my lip pierced but i really don't think that would work out unfortunately

15. relationship status

complicated. i know some of my alters have relationships but i don't. i would love one but i don't know if i could handle one at this second.

16. favorite movie

cabin in the woods

17. a fact about my life

i was a pageant kind. i did modeling as a kid and dropped out of it because we didn't have money/my family lost interest

18. phobia

mirrors. bit more than a phobia but it's complicated

19. middle name

nadine. i was named after my great grandmother. we kind of have a tradition in my family

20. favorite fictional character

at the moment victor temple. i love ventrue i love my guy and i love the baron of the valley

#🎀.txt #asks #ask game answers #sorry i don't have answers for like #turn off/turn ons #not really in that mindset

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softakeshu · 4 years

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autism headcanons part 5

-Sometimes Akira will even be nonverbal over text!

-He likes to send Goro heart emojis when he is

-Goro tries to respond with words but Akira just sends more heart emojis

-Goro ends up nonverbal-over-text himself due to mirroring Akira, and ends up sending blushing emoji

-Akira feels proud of himself

________

-Goro likes to buy Akira stim toys

-He especially likes taking Akira to stores to try new potential stim toys out himself

-Once he got Akira a slow-rising squishy

-It’s been Akira’s favorite ever since, it sits on his desk and whenever he is sad, he sits there and gently pokes it while texting Goro

-Goro thinks its very cute how gentle he is with the squishy

________

-Akira has a habit of chewing. Chewing everything. Sleeves. Chew necklaces. Goro’s hands.

-He only grabs for Goro’s hands when he’s anxious.

-Goro was nervous at first, but Akira is so gentle when chewing that it doesn’t even hurt

-The only downside is the drool

[ALLISTICS MAY RB - DO NOT CLOWN PLEASE]

#autism headcanon #akeshu #shuake #im autistic #headcanon #autistic headcanon #goro akechi #akira kurusu

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antiracistkaren · 4 years

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The Email I never sent.

From June 24th, 2020

Hi.

If you are getting this email, it’s because I feel the need to share this information with you. I don’t expect you to answer me, and frankly, I’m sending this to a pretty wide ranging group of folks, so if you don’t respond ever, I’m unlikely to remember or hold it against you. I’m telling you this up front so that when you open this email, you’re not on edge. I care about how you feel as you’re reading these words. I hope that you can hear my tone, a voice that you know well: one that cares a lot about you. This email isn’t carrying any anger at all, only information which, as you know I love.

You know what’s going on with my husband, and how turbulent things are right now. Well, imagine that, in the midst of that, not being able to function. Literally. Imagine breaking down in total tears in panic while on the phone with your husband’s brother (who you’re not at all sure likes you) because you’re so terrified of your own husband that you cannot speak through it, and trying to explain why you’re suddenly overcome. Then imagine trying to explain yourself, over and over, to people who keep asking, “I thought you were fine, and loving quarantine?”

Imagine discovering, the middle of your husband’s mental breakdown, that you seem to be having one of your own. How horrifying. When you’re in your room, you’re fine. In fact, it’s nice in here…

I can put on headphones and slowly organize my own room. In here, I’m safe. I can fold clothes. I can make my bed. I can bring order to the chaos inside of my room, but I cannot seem to bring order to the chaos of voices inside of my head. Usually I know exactly what my day will look like: I have it planned out from 8 AM until 8 PM. And then I get a structured hour of free time and after that I should really go to bed. (I don’t. I can’t fall asleep lately before midnight because my thoughts are clamoring in my head, and then a baby wakes up… you get it.)

Unfortunately, I cannot stay in my room. People need me outside--my husband can’t seem to handle the children on his own after he comes home from the mental institution. Mental Institution. I say those words a lot and giggle a little bit after those words every time, especially when I am alone. I never thought I would be saying those words out loud, much less out loud in a house that we somehow live in with kids I’ve somehow had with my own body and a husband who is in a mental institution.

But anyway, as I was saying--I do that, going off on little thought tangents all the time--my partner can’t seem to handle the kids without me. That’s odd to me because I’m not special, and I’ve somehow done it before and have lost that skill somewhere, but he needs me, so I put myself together (in the wrong order) and wear my Happy Mommy mask until bedtime, when I collapse into a gigantic ball of emotion.

I’m confused, my husband is confused, and all of the kids are scared. I can see how scared we all are, the whites around our eyes showing. Anthony is cut by me, my anger, my emotion, my white-hot truth-telling tongue seems to be cutting him all over. And then I see my kids cut him, and seeing Anthony get harmed by me, by my kids, it spirals me down all over again. I can’t even mention my partner, who seems to handle me like I’m just made up of sharp edges. I feel like a … butterfly knife or something. Something sharp and dangerous and very deadly in the hands of someone skilled with it.

Looking back, this Autism pattern fits neatly over my whole life. It’s so strange though… because...

Ah, here’s the best example: become aware that you’re breathing.

Please. Just do it. Think about the fact that you’re breathing. You do it all the time. You don’t think about it, right? Unless I tell you to.

What if I told you that I had to think about breathing in order to breathe? That my whole life, I thought everyone had to think about breathing. That we were all just together in a room, y’all breathing without thinking about it, and me--watching you breathe and imitating the breathing motion, thinking that I am required to operate that way in order to stay alive. No one told me that breathing is automatic, so why would I mention to other people how I’m breathing?

It has come to my attention that I am unique, which is weird, so here’s what it’s like:

Every single day I am aware of every word, facial expression, vocal tone, and hand gesture. I have spent my life carefully curating a personality based on imitating those around me that I love. That radio voice I use on the mic? Classic Ron--finding my lower register and leaning into the mic. The way I read Geeks rules? That’s Josh, who showed me that being quirky and having a big personality can be leveraged on stage in order to BE on stage. My mom taught me quick-witted insults to hurl back at kids who were mean to me. I built a personality based on other people that I thought would serve me best, and I think I’ve done fairly well considering I’m still alive and fairly happy. Or I was, until the quarantine.

You see, every single day, deep in the recesses of my mind, always running like a little motor in the background is the program “Fear of Being a Bad Person”. Every move I make is processed through this motor and filter in the back. Everything I say or text, emojis I use, all of this, is processed through a “I’m trying to be a Good Girl” filter.

When I was young, I didn’t think I was a Bad Person.

When I was in preschool, I was lauded. I had friends. I remember my friends Jason and Summer to this day. I remember feeling safe and cozy in my elementary school in Wetumpka, Alabama. I remember my mother ensuring that I was put into an advanced class in kindergarten. Teachers could tell that there was something different about me, but also, they couldn’t handle my fidgeting, my impatience with kids not being fast as I was to know the answer. I would roll my eyes, make faces at the other kids, get up--because I knew all this stuff anyway--and go away from circle time. That was Bad.

And then suddenly I spent most of my day with older kids. I got to do Tangrams, write plays, dress up and hang out with kids who seemed to accept that I was a bit smarter, a bit different. My mom fought for that for me, every time.

But then my mom got remarried. Moving mid-year in 2nd grade was difficult. I didn’t understand the new kids, the nuance at the school. I didn’t know who could be my friend. I didn’t understand the wealth gap. By the time middle school came around, I was regularly teased for the clothes I wore. I would cry to my mother about the teasing and she would throw up her hands, confused and furious because I had picked these clothes out. I would alternate between starving myself and eating furiously and crying when I got home from school. I would wear baggy clothes because boys would pop my bra strap, and make unwanted comments about my body. Suddenly my outspokenness made me a target. Boys started to touch me without me wanting them to, and I didn’t understand why. I also couldn’t seem to make it stop, no matter how baggy my clothes were.

Once I told my mother about a boy grabbing me on the bus, and I am talking about hand between my legs and squeezing at my vagina as I walked off the bus to my house, and she told the principal. I was forced to confront the boy and his mother in a locked room… his mother, who sat across from me and called me a slut and a liar. I have a very hard time being called a liar.

I don’t lie. I really don’t want to. If I am being forced to lie, it is because I believe social nuance demands it. I don’t really like your new haircut, but I’m required to lie about it because telling the truth is rude, in that situation. I’ve learned these boundaries by repeatedly being punished (through embarrassment in public and repetition).

So you can see how it might be tough for me to hold a job when I make off-the-cuff comments in meetings like “If we care about diversity so much, how come we don’t have any students of color or low-income students in our most expensive residence hall?”

And, “Are you kidding?! Tornadoes just ravaged Tuscaloosa. If I had extra money to give, and I don’t, I’m not going to give money to the this scholarship fund.” (This was after the deadly tornadoes ripped through my home town--because Tuscaloosa was my home, and I couldn’t believe that I was being asked to donate to the scholarships of rich, mostly white, kids when the Black community in Tuscaloosa was in literal rubble.)

Is it any wonder that I couldn’t seem to stop making mistakes in detail work, which I’m not interested in? Doesn’t it make sense that you’ve seen me not be able to sit when I’m playing board games that I’m excited about? That I get so nervous if there’s a scoring error during quiz, I drop my papers? That although I love public speaking, my hands shake uncontrollably?

A repeated phrase through my life has been “I know you’re a smart girl, why can’t you get this?”

If I am a Smart Girl… why can’t I seem to understand people? I guess I can’t really be a Smart Girl. So I guess I should stay home with my kids since I can’t seem to hack it out in the “real world.”

Imagine my relief when my psychiatrist spotted me immediately. I think my brain is completely broken. I am telling everyone I run into that my brain is broken because I don’t know who can help me. I can’t get it together because the person I’ve hyper focused on for the past 7 years isn’t around--and even though he is home now, he is different and I am different and together we aren’t the same.

Imagine my relief when my psychiatrist lets me in on a secret that other people are just breathing naturally, that it’s not my fault that I have to work so hard. Imagine figuring out that all of those times that I was touched without consent, made to feel stupid, made to feel less than, screamed at, rejected, and put on performance plans and forced to fight for your right to have a job and speak the truth… that it wasn’t because I was deficient… it’s just because I am different.

I had piled on mountains of guilt for hurting people’s feelings. Those moments of embarrassment and shame in my life are vivid memories, and they read in my brain like well-worn books. I take them out and remember them, literally read about them, (I write a lot about these moments in my journals) so that I can make sense out of them. I’ve gotten smarter over the years because I’ve allowed myself to learn how to type as fast as I think. And then I can pour out all of these thoughts on paper, edit them and use them to communicate.

I used to spend hours as a kid in my room, writing, coping with how difficult my life was by getting outside of myself and drawing conclusions, writing poetry, acting, performing music. I’ve lost all the time to do any of those things, and that is why I am completely breaking down.

I am Autistic. I’ve always been autistic. If you have met me in the past 4 years, this is a shock. You’ve only known me as a surprising stay at home mom in your life. Yeah, I’m a little weird, but I’m Fun! Right? That’s on-brand for a stay at home mom, I’ve learned.

So if you’re getting this and you’ve met me since 2016, I have to say you don’t know me very well. The people who have made it the long haul, the folks I’ve known since Alabama, they’re seeing a return to the norm for me. This is normal ol’ weird Sam and, yeah, she’s intense but we love her. I’ve told many of my Alabama people first, and you know what they say? “Oh yeah, I can see that… but I mean, you’re still YOU. You’ve always been this way!”

It seems like it’s, well, my newer whiter wealthier friends who are struggling with this. I think it is because Autism has been presented to us [human beings] as a deficiency, and sure, yes, I am deficient in some ways. But to me, it’s like being free. I am free to be honest about not understanding, and you are free to believe me. You’re free to not be scared to say, “Sam, you’re going on about this social justice thing…” because I understand now that I monologue.

I am certain this is me. I am finally seen and understood, and I can see and understand. I’m sharing this with you because I want you to see and understand me. If I have hurt you in the past, I promise you, it was blindly and unintentional. I feel love very intensely, and if I’ve sent this to you, it is because I love you and I consider you safe.

Through all of my life, my faith has been an underpinning of my making sense of this world too, and it will continue to do that for me. I was wonderfully and fearfully made, and I am loved by my creator, and I am an autistic woman. I hope that you can accept that diagnosis with me.

#autism #actuallyautistic #autisticadult #autisticpride #mentalhealth #socialjustice

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blackhorseofcthulhu · 5 years

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Simblreen 2019 Schedule

^ALL OF MY SIMBLEREEN POST WILL INCLUDE THIS BANNER^

Hello ALL!! and @simblreenofficial

Happy Simblreen!!!

I will be giving gifts Starting on October 18th, 2019

If you are planning on trick or treating, I am doing a thing in honor of Autism Awareness, If you can just send me a blue puzzle piece Emoji or some other blue emoji, I will send you your gift back, Thank you for respecting my cause. I am trying to raise awareness for Autism Speaks so if you can please donate to the cause { Autism Speaks } No need to donate, I just support this cause especially around the holidays.

My schedule is as follows:

My porchlight will be on:

-18th from 12 AM PST - 10 PM PST ( wont actually be able to send the links until I get back after 5-6 PM PST so please be patient if you do come.)

This gift will be two things your sims can wear.

-19th from 12 AM PST - 10 PM PST ( All day)

this day will be somthing your sims can wear.

-20th from 12 AM PST - 9:30 AM 8:30 AM PST, and back on from 4:00 PM PST - 10:00 PM 11:30 PM PST

This day is a themed Sim.

and for second chance weekend:

-25th, 26th, and 27th 12 AM PST - 10 PM PST (all day)

25th is somthing your sims can wear

26th is somthing genetic

and the 27th is a wearable for your sims and an Object.

the 27th with include a bonus gift so please be sure to grab it with the last day!

My on porchlight looks like this:

My off porchlight looks like this:

I will be submitting a big post for download on my personal site for those who want to download the gifts publicly on October 31st.

Any questions please feel free to ask....

Thank you and Happy Simblreen!

~Kris

#simblreen 2019 #TS4 #Simblreen #CC #schedule

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lifewithoutmeds · 2 years

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March 20, 2022

Sunday morning.

Sun is shining. i think it rained last night. i think i heard rain, and this morning the earth felt damp and had a good smell to it.

things are better than they were last week. jadai reached out, wanting to talk, and wanting to “clear up” any misunderstandings/to make sure i wasn’t harboring any ill feelings toward her. we haven’t yet had that conversation, but it’s been better even just the knowing that she’s catching herself and realizing that she doesn’t want bridges to burn. it settled me down greatly and i’ve felt more at peace with it since.

two days ago was shelby’s wedding and selene posted up a photo of her and she looked absolutely bat shit dazzling. i fell in love with her again. she was so breathtakingly beautiful. i expressed as much through a series of very excited emojis, and she sent me back hearts. so we’re on better terms.

this weekend there was a lot of down time, a lot of relaxation, but a sprinkle of activity. on friday i slept in, then met up my mom for brunch at her place, followed by 30 minutes at descanso gardens. i think i came home and napped. i probably took coop out a few times but it was a nice, quiet, napping day.

on saturday i had the wherewithal to get up and do some much needed chores, vicky came by briefly in between tasks, and we chatted, then i went out to melissa’s bday/st. patrick’s day where ray unexpectedly messaged me and off i went to her place. we grabbed ice cream and chatted until 11, at which point i went home.

ray.

i met ray last saturday at the burrow, a bar downtown on a lesbian speakeasy night. she’s much different than i am. almost not “my type” one might say. skinny, borderline frail-looking, she’s a gamer into moderating a gaming forum, playing Magic the Gathering, and has two cats that i’m severely allergic to as well as 3-4 geckos/gecko-like creatures. she’s from illinois, is recently out, may have some very mild autism, and would probably self describe as a geek/hermit. she doesn’t seem to like exercise, or the outdoors, but seems to aspire to a healthier lifestyle than the one she has now. the first few times we chatted i was discouraged by how few questions she had for me, or any seeming interest, and how little she reacted to my jokes/charm. if she hadn’t invited me over and let me cuddle for a bit, i’m sure i would have let it go, but the cuddle drew me in and it was only the cats and my eyes swelling to the point of nearly closing completely that drove me out.

we spent most of last saturday night together ( left at 5am), texted off and on, and i saw her on wednesday when we had dinner at din tai fung, and now again last night, when we had ice cream at Larchmont’s Salt and Straw. i don’t know how i feel about her. i think it felt important to feel Something for Someone. i had such a giant void to fill, and have so desired someone next to me, that it almost didn’t matter who, and there was something about her that made me come back even if we didn’t particularly have good chemistry or even banter.

but here we are.

today’s tasks/goals: walk doggy take meds do some light cleaning pick up prescription from CVS hopefully wash my car help vicky out with some cleaning because why not

i also want to work on some of my fishing rods that are dirty/need the sand cleaned out so that maybe next week i can do an all-day fishing adventure.

oh i also scheduled some much needed dr. appointments and things so am feeling pretty productive. i had a dr. appointment last wednesday, and i’ll be doing some bloodwork, and my annual ultrasound and follow up soon, so .... i feel good about getting those calendared soon as i’ve received authorizations.

so things feel better, and though i should be wary about getting too excited about things, i’m just relieved that they’re not SO BAD as they were before. oh, also, linda do randomly messaged me about a song that reminded her of me, so ..... progress? somewhere? somehow?

i think also i’ve realized how absolutely crazy i am about finding a partner, about filling a void, about having a body next to me when i sleep, and it just tears me apart, my need for this companionship. a normally level-headed person, i’ve been manic for the last week or so with jadai and ray, and needing some sort of validation or interest or affection from either of them, from anyone.

i think the more i desire affection, the more i scare it away, and somehow that means something to the effect that i need to “work on myself,” whatever that means. that seems to imply some sort of inner work, emotional work, psychological work, ..... as well as just i dunno, whatever will give me feelings of adequacy and self worth. people seem to find that in journaling, though i don’t know how that directly contributes, but i will try and continue to journal, and maybe to read, and maybe .... i dunno, spend more time with people? while also spending time by myself?

but a part of me wants to just hole up for three months and emerge as kristal 3.0, a fully formed magnificent butterfly, completely transformed. or even just 10 pounds lighter, whatever.

until next time, space cowboy.

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