#axel had been there a couple weeks already

[hearties-circus]

Fayes first day on base

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Pretty like the wind

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a/n Part three! we return once more to this little tiny Azriel's book like story. ✨ thank for everyone who reads✨

warnings: lots of past trauma, Illyrian camp kind of trauma, anxiety, kids because some of you said it was a warning, I guess that's all...

Not yet proofread

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Azriel just couldn't seem to sleep. No matter what he did, no matter how much he tried to tell himself that he didn't care or that it wasn't in any way directly related to any of his doings, the spymaster still struggled to find his peace. And if it wasn't in the sleep, then his thoughts would just occasionally wander to that night you touched him. He wanted to remember how your fingers felt against his skin. Was your hand warm? Or cold? He was sure your skin was soft. Had to be.

But all Azriel was met with were your terrified eyes. The tears streaming down your cheeks. The choked-out sob you held inside. The way you turned away from him and ran. He called for you. Tried to, at least. But you vanished. Blended seamlessly into the dark and stayed like that ever since. And here he was feeling guilty once more. Proven once more that he wasn't indeed a good man. His desires made him blind. He chose himself. Time after time, put his needs first. He stepped on others' boundaries just so he could gain something.

Azriel ran a hand through his hair. He's been coming to the communal ever since. Frankly, it's only been a couple of days. But Azriel was growing restless because you weren't here. You weren't singing with the kids. Weren't smiling at them. Every time he looked at the bright smiles that flooded the room, Azriel had flashes of horror piercing through them. The camps. The cries. The blood. Suddenly, this place made so much more sense. It was a place for Illyrian females and their children. A haven. A sanctuary to heal. To let the wounds scab over. Every smile Azriel saw now held a bigger meaning. It wasn't just a smile. It was the smile of a survivor. Someone who was beaten down. Walked over. Made into nothing more than a punching bag. But now. Underneath, this roof was slowly flourishing because of the loving hearts that surrounded it.

One of the shadows moved to whisper into Azriel's ear, making the male turn his head to the side quickly. "Axel", the spymaster breathed out. The little boy instantly let go of the priestess's hand. "Soldier", he breathed happily. "That's my friend; I'll be okay", Axel nodded his head at the lady, who frowned slightly but still chose to walk on with the rest of the children.

Azriel suddenly felt a wave of panic rush through him. Axel was left with him. A kid was left in Azriel's care. He had never truly taken care of one. Sure, Nyx was his nephew, but Azriel had never even held the boy. A tug on his pants made Azriel look down, snapping him out of his thoughts. "Have you seen...", Azriel started, but was quick to realize that he had never asked for your name. "Zofie is in a dancing class and Y/N... I'm not quite sure", Y/N, the name, ran through Azriel's bloodstream faster than lightning. Arranging and changing chemicals in his body. "She walked us to class this morning and...", but Axel halted, his face changing as he crossed his tiny arms over his chest. "Did you upset her? Because that would be rude".

A breath hitched in Azriel's throat. When had kids gotten so smart? And why was a five-year-old making him sweat more than a camp leader? "There was a misunderstanding", Azriel said calmly, "Hence, why I'm looking for her". Axel watched him for a moment, then nodded his head. "She's been crying a lot, but she said we shouldn't worry about it", the boy shrugged his shoulders. A pang ripped through Azriel's chest. Crying. You've been crying. Was he the reason for it? Had he awakened an unknown memory? Had he already made you give up on him? Had he already made you not want to deal with him? In a matter of weeks. He had once again become a problem.

"Don't be sad", Azriel felt a smaller hand reach up to grasp his palm just like the very first time. He flinched slightly, not used to that part of him being touched so effortlessly. "We usually have tea and biscuits after class", Axel smiled at Azriel fondly, his messy black hair reminding him so much of how Cassian used to look when he was just a boy himself. "Lead the way, champ", Azriel said, urging Axel. The boy lit up, walking with his head high now that Azriel was walking beside him.

They never really tell you how badly the triggers of the past can jab you. But then, maybe they don't know. Or maybe the pain one endures is so great that it leaves them speechless, barely breathing, just about managing to patch the reopening scars. It's been months since you've been brought back to that place. Back to that night. The pinching coldness of the snow beneath your bare feet. The never-ending screeching. The hands...

"Find the light without it. Search for it", Padme's voice made you draw a sharp inhale. Rapidly blinking, you wrapped your hands around your torso. "Did the nightmares retune?", the high priestess asked you, looking down at the paper in front of her. "No", you said firmly. A lie. One you had mastered delivering - a wolf beneath a lamb's coat. "Well, then we are done here for today", she smiled at you. If Padme hadn't found you in that corridor, all shaking and tense, you would have been able to escape these mind-curing sessions.

"Are you fit enough to continue with field work?", her words were colder, but then they always were when the topic of assignments arose. "I can go right now if you insist", you said, throwing her a look that challenged her stare. Padme held it till she was satisfied, then nodded. "Return to your duties, sweetheart; I'll get you the papers tomorrow". You bowed your head just like you always did. You were so thankful for the dimly lit corridor and the way they hid your trembling hands.

Hands... You had felt Azriel's fingerprints on your skin. You had felt his warmth. An odd song it sang. But then, as if out of nowhere, all the walls came trembling down. Dragging you down. Pulling you back to the night you wished to forget. Wipe it out of your mind. Never return to it. Even if it made you, even if it had shaped the very soul that flicked within you. You still wished a night so dark would never fall upon you again.

With a deep breath, you welcomed the air into your lungs. Slowly dragging your feet down the stairs. Down and down. Clawing at the last bits of strength for the kids. For the females that might want to bask in the warmth you always carried, your feet halted the moment you were about to cover the last handful of stone steps leading to the kitchen.

"You're mixing it wrong", the voice growled slightly. Specks of child-like frustration laced it. And you knew that voice. That voice was well ingrained in your brain. "I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to eat the raw batter", your heart skipped a beat at the sound of the reply. You quickly rushed down the last steps that separated you from the clear view of the place. It couldn't be. There was no way, you told yourself. Just as your eyes fell on the scene in front of you.

"And I'm pretty sure you had never made cookies before", Axel shook his head, reaching for his spoon as he shoved, or more like, tried to move Azriel's hand away from the bowl. They were both covered in flour. You doubted that you wanted to know why an egg stain ran down the wall. Or why was one of the trays burned to a crisp? Something within your chest stretched. Bent and stirred deep within you.

You were sure you would have watched the two of them till the last piece of dough was molded into an odd shape if not for the black, tiny blobs that curled your way. Tiny creatures of the dark yet so full of life. They rubbed against your palms, twirled in the ends of your hair, and brushed the sides of your cheeks. A silent: Are you okay? The unease that left them the moment you nodded slowly.

That's when you met Azriel's eyes across the kitchen. A piece of dough now forgotten in his hand. One that Axel was more than happy to snatch as he formed and misshaped a circle. Neither of you spoke. But the gaze you held was stronger than any conversation could ever be. Words often failed. Or led to unnecessary assumptions. Eyes, on the other hand, were the mirror of one's soul. Eyes could never lie. Forever doomed to give away the truth that lay beneath.

"You should put your cookie here", Axel said, pointing to the tray until his own golden eyes followed Azriel's gaze, a big smile spreading across the boy's face as he hopped off the stool Azriel had pushed closer to the counter for him. Leaping into your hands, his dirty hands and clothes smearing against the white you wore. "I see you have gotten yourself quite a company", your fingers lingered beneath the boy's chin, carefully guiding his face up so he would meet your gaze. "I told Azriel about the cookies we make after class. Can you believe he eats cookies?", the excitement in his voice made you crack up a smile. "That seems like it's secret information", you muttered, and Axel's face grew wide as you pressed your finger to your lips. From the back of your eyes, you could see Azriel slowly shaking his head, but a light smile still lingered.

"Why don't you wash up, huh?", you crouched down, cupping the boy's face, before one of your hands brushed against one of his lip wings, threading golden threads there. Azriel's face went ashen. How did he miss that? The off-balanced leather. The twisted boning. His hand clenched the end of the counter, and he was almost sure he would snap the marble just from the sheer clench his fingers had on it. How many more horrors were unknown to him? What else had these people endured?

"You mean a whole deal to him", your voice sliced through Azriel's fading vision. Making him blink a couple of times. Slowly pulling the world around him to focus. "He already has drawings of you. A mighty worrier...", you let out a low chuckle as you reached for the dirty bowl submerging it beneath the water. "But then maybe I have myself to blame", Azriel felt the cold pain that lashed with your words. In all honesty, Azriel was desperate to say something. Make this better. Somehow make the pain that now drowned you back away.

"I told him stories of a foreign soldier. Who wasn't like the males in...", and you didn't have to finish. Azriel knew. Knew what you were referring to. The sadistic manners some of them bore even if Rhys had banned any wing clipping. "I'm sorry", was all Azriel managed to say. His voice faded to nothing almost immediately. He knew those words had little meaning for pain like that.

"Our minds clashed that night in the attic", the spymaster's words sent a shiver down your spine. You stared ahead of yourself. Not allowing yourself to look at him. You had worn that mask of strength before. This male now standing to the side of you. This man had watched you crumble way too many times already. "I'm sorry that I disrespected this place. I disrespected you", an ache in Azriel's chest eased as he spoke, "I want to learn more about the sanctuary. I want to make my time here meaningful". The bowl in your hands nearly slipped out of your hands. Your body - still the statue. "I can't do any of that if you and I are fighting this silent battle, can't I?", the question twisted something deep within you, but you still blurted in a cold tone, "There are many more people who can guide you". And Azriel didn't doubt it, but at least he still said, "But no one quite like you". Your eyes darted to look at him like that. Your eyes meet his. And then and there, it felt as if you two had seen each other for the first time. Looked and saw.

With a silent agreement settled, Azriel followed you up the stairs toward the room the kids shared. A plate full of cookies in one hand, his shadows holding four glasses full of milk. He questioned your choice to go up the moment you presented it. For Zofie. The hunting gaze of the fear she carried still followed Azriel's mind. But he knew that Axel was waiting. For some reason, the thought of letting him down now felt worse than losing a battle.

"I'm considered their guardian", your voice bounced off the empty corridor. "All orphans have one for the transitioning period", Azriel felt the way you cringed at the words transitional. Even to him, it felt off-putting. Jabbing straight at the wound that bled the most. You told him about Padme. The laws of the sanctuary followed the priestess who ran it. For the most part, at least. Azriel knew that was only the crumbs. But he was glad to learn at least that. To understand at least a small portion.

"Are they still in that period?", Azriel finally asked. He had fallen into a comfortable pace next to you. "Technically, no, but... we bonded too much. I couldn't bring myself to separate from them", you said quietly. As if you were in a way ashamed of the world that left your mouth. He wondered how many kids had been in their place before them. After? His shadows hadn't sensed the presence of anyone new, but he was sure that the mass of faces was growing still, especially knowing the situation in the mountain camps.

Azriel wanted to say just how much it amazed him. The way this place radiated happiness even with the trauma everyone bore. How wonderful was the work you did here. But you had leaned closer to the door. Ear placed on the wooden door as you listened in. Azriel stilled at that; his Illyrian hearing offered him a chance to peer in as well, yet he doubted it was needed. The shrieks and cackling could be heard from where he stood.

He knew it was Axel and Zofie. His mind was engraved with the sound of their laughter from the communal. Yet Azriel couldn't help the dread that pooled in his stomach as you opened the door. The voices halted, but only until the kids were met with your presence. Azriel tried to fold his wings behind him tighter in hopes of appearing smaller. He had never imagined himself doing any of that before, but here he was. The spymaster's eyes instantly landed on the drawing of a winged male standing on top of the mountain with a raised sword. There was more than one too. All plastered on the walls. The blue dots no doubt resemble his sapphires. But... Azriel's heart skipped a beat for a moment. He hadn't worn his Illyrian leather here, so how would he have been able to...

But that familiar force launched at his feet. Azriel's hand instantly reached to mess with the head of black hair. "You came", Axel breathed. "Wouldn't you agree that I earned a cookie as well?", The spymaster teased the youngling slightly, earning a laugh that warmed the deepest parts of his bones. Yet Azriel's eyes scanned the room till he saw a tiny hand gripping your skirt, her body hidden behind your frame, only a tiny side of Zofie's face visible to him.

As Azriel kneeled, he wondered what horrors she had to endure beside him to fear a male so much. He knew this skittishness towards him was the grave he had dug himself, but she—that tiny girl—was a survivor too. Too young to bear a burden so deep. But hadn't Azriel bet too little too? Azriel found Zofie's eyes, and as frightened as she was, she held an unfalteringly tight gaze. Azriel handed a cookie to one of his shadows. The tiny creature slowly lured towards the girl. Zofie hid further behind you, yet her curiosity was too strong, and she peaked almost immediately.

"I can't promise that I haven't mixed up salt with sugar, but... well, you'll have to tell me if they are edible", Azriel said gently. He had a low, deep voice, but it still felt like velvet as it rolled down his tongue. Zofie spared him a look before her eyes fixed on the shadow right in front of her, tiny blobs holding the sugar cookie for her. And to Azriel's surprise, she took it. She took it and dove back to her hiding place. The shadow moved to glimpse over your side, but Azriel pulled it back. "Is it good?", you asked the girl softly. Azriel could hear the munching sound—a light tug pulled at the side of his lips. "Well, I didn't make them; Azriel and Axel did. You should tell them your thoughts", you said to the girl softly. Azriel hadn't hoped for anything in return from her. The fact that she had taken the cookie was more than enough for him. He was going to gain her trust slowly. He was willing to do so. Try. A tiny hand moved from behind you. And Azriel caught a glimpse of a tiny thumbs-up that greeted him. And something shifter within him, something that would stay with him for the rest of his life.

[if-whats-new]

What's New In IF? Issue 19 (2024)

By Marjorie, Axelle, and Noi

Now Available!

Itch.io. - Keep Reading below

If you read the zine, consider liking the post: it helps us see how many people sees it! And sharing is caring! <3

~ EDITORIAL ~

New faces for a new season!

This week, we had to say goodbye to Erika, who is returning to legal pastures after their incredible hard work with the zine. They were a core member of our team, digging through so many spots to help us find all the news for our readers!

With their departure leaving a big gap, we have been discussing the future of the zine, and have decided to add new faces to our roster!

If you would like to help us out in a more official capacity, shoot us a message!

~

For this issue, we talked with E. Jade Lomax, author of the beloved Stay? and More a Haunting than History, fan-fic writer (dirgewithoutmusic) and podcaster.

We got quite the scoop during our discussion, and dove quite a bit into spoiler territory… So you only get a tease today… and see the rest Wednesday!

Check out our interview with E. Jade Lomax on Small Talk…

We hope you enjoy this extra long issue!

MARJORIE, AXELLE, AND NOI

~ BE PART OF THE ZINE ~

WHAT'S NEW IN IF? HAS EXPANDED!

Since the release of issue #14, we've enacted some changes with the zine. It is now expanded with interviews of creators from all around the IF world, as well as direct contributions from you, our readers!

THIS ZINE ONLY HAPPENS WITH YOU!

Want to write 1-2 pages about a neat topic, or deep-dive into a game and review it in details? Share personal experiences or get all academic?

WRITE FOR THE COLUMN!

Prefer to be more low-key but still have something to share? Send us a Zine Letter or share a game title for Highlight on…!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Excited as we are about next week's interview and have questions for our guest? Or want to see a certain author answer questions next? Message us!

SMALL TALK... IS WAITING!

Came across something interesting? Know a release or an update announced? Saw an event happening? Whether it's a game, an article, a podcast… Add any IF-related content to our mini-database!

EVERY LITTLE BIT COUNTS!

Contact us through Tumblr asks, Forum DMs, or even by email! And thank you for your help!!

~ EVENT SPOTLIGHT : Tales to Thrill Jam ~

Get your snacks, sit around the campfire, get thrills!

Hosted by Catsket (@catskets), who was interviewed in a previous issue of this Zine, the Tales to Thrill Jam is an unranked game jam with a focus on the Visual Novel medium all about stories.

Inspired by the campfire setting, the jam hopes participants would be inspired by this vibe: people gathering around a fire to tell stories, any kind of stories. No matter the genre, the aim is to give thrills to the players!

To help participants thinking of stories to tell, the jam includes different themes, from which at least one has to be chosen: Possessive Possessions, Lost & Found, and Forgotten Promise.

There is just a bit more than a week left to mess around and create a thrilling Visual Novel, with at least some plot, a conflict and an end!

And if you prefer experiencing thrills, there are already a couple of submitted entries!

~ ENDED ~

Two dozens entries were submitted to the Velox Fabula game jam. While it is a ranked jam, voting is restricted to entrants. But you can still check and cheer for the games submitted!

~ ONGOING (VOTING) ~

Though the winner of the IntroComp has already been decided, as only one project was submitted, consider checking it out and give it some feedback! The author will only receive its prize if the game is completed...

~ ONGOING (SUBMITTING) ~

For those who created an intent to participate at the IFComp, there is less than a week left to submit a full game... or wait for next year! (Or you can look our for beta-openings, create an account to vote when the games are released, or offer prizes!) @ifcomp

For the francophones, the French IF community is organizing a summer-long camp to create parsers. Join the Confiture de Parser if you're interested!

With just a bit over one week to go, the SuNoFes is still accepting narrative games, whether they be visual novels or more text-focused.

Do you have WIPs on indefinite hiatus? Projects you've started forced to be set aside? Bring Out Your Ghost is a jam to show off your ghosts (and maybe even spruce them up and finish them)! @neointeractives

On the CoG Forum, Halloween is already there! Until Oct 31st, submit to the Halloween Jam - it has funky themes!

Running until Halloween, the Phantasia Jam is a three months game jam to create a fantasy narrative game, with the theme of “Hidden Magic”. It accepts both VN and IF.

Do you understand or write Ukrainian? Until the end of the year, the Ukrainian IF Festival is happening on itch.io!

~ OTHER ~

There is only a short week left to participate in the Review-a-thon on the IntFiction Forum, whose initiative is to get more reviews for games. Check out this post by Tabitha! This is also a sponsored event, aiming to raise funds for one of the Forum members.

The Interactive Fiction Showcase is still running! If you have completed an IF piece this year, consider submitting it! It is happening only on itch!

~ SMALL TALK… ~

WITH E. JADE LOMAX (@ink-splotch)

Joining us this week is IF author, fanfic writer, and podcaster: E. Jade Lomax ~ Author of Stay? and More a Haunting than History

The interview below is not in its complete form, but it will be released in its entirety shortly. See at the end.

⟶ Hi E! Can you tell us a bit more about yourself and how you found IF?

I grew up playing very few video games (the city-builder Pharoah being a massive exception), and hardly any narrative-based ones. After college, one of my best friends started introducing me to some of his favorite games, all of which had strong narrative elements – I think we started with Witcher 3 – and GDC talks. Not just IF, but computer-games-with-stories in general were something I hadn't really gotten deeply into before.

As the pandemic trapped us inside, we mainlined sourdough and Emily Short blog posts, and I grew more and more intrigued by the idea of narrative with choice and exploration included. It was (and is) just really satisfying to my brain to think about breaking a story and a possibility space down to comprehensible units and stitching them back together to make a navigable whole. You always find something new in doing it.

I made an interactive quiz for my personality sorting system, sortinghatchats, as a small project just to learn the ink tool. (I genuinely don't remember how I found out about ink, but blessings to the inkle guys for sharing that with the world so freely. That sort of generosity, easy knowledge-sharing, and joy in others' creations is one of the things that's made the IF community, like fandom, so enjoyable to engage in). Then I wrote Stay? in a four month binge and I'm a little hooked.

⟶ For those who don't know Stay?, can you tell us more about this game?

Stay? is an IF game in which you play as a young adult attending a magical university, choosing your career path, your relationships, etc. About a decade later, unbeknownst to you, the world is meant to end.

But the morning before the world ends, your taciturn friend Jo pulls you aside and tells you that they've been working, living, and dying for hundreds of lives, trying to figure out how to save it. They've figured out how to stop the final cataclysm (a comet on collision course), but there's so many things that are still imperfect, war-torn, or poisoned in your world. Things Jo wishes they could fix.

But they're tired. And they're done. They don't think they can do any better than this. So Jo is passing the work on to you.

They give you a magical stone that sends you back to the start of the game, to a Jo that doesn't remember any of this, and your work begins.

Over the course of the many lives you lead, you have to figure out how to stop the comet that destroys your little country-- but after you manage to keep from dying and being forcibly re-set every time the comet hits ground, it's not a strict victory. You're offered a choice: do you re-set the world anyway, because you think you can do better, save more people, change more lives, fall in love a little differently if you're given another chance-- or do you decide that this life is the one you want to keep?

Do you choose to stay?

And that gameplay loop is really the heart of the story. It's one of the first things I knew about the game, when it was scribbles in a notebook, and of course it's where the name comes from. I knew that question was going to be the heart of it, and I think that held through in the final version.

⟶ Why center the game around this choice? What was interesting for you to explore in this gameplay?

Hm. Making that the final choice – to stay or to say I'm not done yet, I can do better, or I want something different – changes the focus of the story from being about a challenge or a victory and into a story about deciding who you want to be and deciding how you want to impact the world you live in. The world you will, eventually, have to stay in, to live in and die in for one final time.

It's not about saving the world from the comet – that's just a prerequisite. It's about deciding what the world will be, both on a personal level and at a more monumental scale, and what work you're willing to put in to change, shift, and shape it. What is your happy ending? (There are no wrong answers).

⟶ Stay? is a pretty beloved game in the IF community, often shared in recommendations lists, and ranking among the top 100 best rated games on IFDB. Have you received interesting returns from players?

That's very nice of you to say! And yes, there's been a lot of fun player feedback. I try to respond to most of the itch comments, and folks also write to me on my tumblr and other places. I really enjoy hearing about what their “lives” were like – folks who lived six happy marital lifetimes with Suzie before finally trying romancing someone else and learning about some of the alternate Suzie timelines; or who went back again and again to try to rescue a particular character or fix a particular wrong; who walked off into the hills and lived a quiet life, or found a revelation among the orange groves. There are so

many different orders, connections, conclusions, and most of all feelings that different folks find in their own playthroughs and I like hearing about them all – especially the ones I didn't intend! A couple folks have even written fanfiction, which is a delight to me. I also enjoy hearing from the folks who are new to IF, who knew me through my novels or fic, and tried Stay? anyways. I appreciate them following me into something new.

⟶ Do you have a particular scene or path from Stay? that is your favorite? and one that you found challenging to write/code?

I didn’t originally have a way to prevent the war, in the game. The only thing you could do was win it. That was an eleventh hour epiphany and I think eventually vital to what the game became, but I was all but done with everything else before I went in and added the long walk south, the orange groves, and the various ways to commit treason.

The ability to “fuck off into the hills” had existed from an early date, including the three “lives” you can lead in that little village. It was meant to be a respite or a distraction, but made a wonderful launching point for that final path once I realized I needed it— and realized that I had all the pieces (the poisoned land, the history of artifacts, the famine, the dam upstream, the beginning of the path south) to build players a place to walk there.

So that one still feels very satisfying to me.

Honorable mention also to Suzette’s overall arc, though. Her story has the greatest breadth— her highs and lows are the furthest apart while still being compatible with each other (I think), and I’m proud of pulling that off. I wasn’t sure it would hang true in the end, but it does to me at least.

⟶ You mentioned getting into IF during the pandemic, but what brought on Stay? specifically? How did it come to be?

Outer Wilds. If you haven’t played this game, I highly recommend it. We played through it, and the story is lovely of course, but I was fascinated by how well it was able to maintain a feeling of forward momentum and exploration. I wanted to understand how and why it worked so well. And one of the best ways to see if you understand how a system works is to try to build it yourself.

There’s a few fascinating things that Outer Wilds does, some of which I didn’t implement. For example, they hide secret areas or solutions behind fear. It’s a really interesting pattern. They teach you specifically to avoid or fear a certain danger; and over and over again the puzzle secret is to step into the fear. It doesn’t get old! And it ties so well into the overall narrative themes.

I didn’t do that — with non-parser IF, I don’t think there’s an easy way to lean into that. Instead, I tried to key into one of their other design patterns: concentric secrets.

Outer Wilds is built around a few core secrets; specifically three final secrets that gate your access to the climax/final area. Putting those three secrets together enables you to gain access to that final climax. The path to each of those three final secrets have barriers that are passable if you know certain other secrets. It’s this repeated pattern of “gather secrets → have epiphany → use new conclusions to access new areas and gain new secrets”. This is not in itself novel or groundbreaking, though the repeated, nested patterns of Outer Wilds have a particularly satisfying beauty.

What I tried to hone into and replicate in Stay? was the way Outer Wilds seeds their secrets and the hints that lead to them. Along the path to Secret A, you have to bypass various barriers; same with B, same with C. But after the first barrier on the way to Secret A, you stumble across a hint that points you to something that will help with Secret C, or a secret/key that opens up new possibilities for getting to Secret B. Outer Wilds is filled with distractions – that’s one way to look at it. It’s also filled with constant signposts and will o’ th’ wisps and reminders such that wherever you go, wherever you wish to explore, wander, or wonder, you will find something to answer you and something to lead you on. And what you find almost never immediately points you to what’s ahead of you – it points you somewhere else, over another horizon, almost always.

I loved that feeling and I loved that play space. I wanted to see if I could build it in words. I didn’t make Outer Wilds, of course (and I wouldn’t want to – it already exists!) but I think I captured something of that feeling I was after, and I’m glad of that.

⟶ Were there other sources that inspired the making of Stay?

Nothing as direct as that, though I find Emily Short’s blog posts very influential, and for the aesthetics of Stay? I drew on a childhood trip to the Mediterranean. I can’t think of anything else specific…

⟶ Your next game, More a Haunting than History, has been coined as an emotional sequel to Stay?. Can you tell us a bit more about how that game came to be?

...

READ HER ANSWER AND MORE IN THE FULL INTERVIEW! (to be) RELEASED ON WEDNESDAY!

~ NEW RELEASE ~

LITHOBREAKERS - Defenestration is a collection of 10 short games from multiple interactive anonymous authors, inspired by the secret jam of the same name.

Parser author Ryan Veeder recently published two games: another sequel to the LMG series, The Little Match Girl and His Holiness Pope Pius IX (Inform 7), and the experimental standalone Welcome (Inform 7).

Jerusalem (Twine) is a Twine port of the text-adventure Talos Principle: Road to Gehenna.

Fairweather Friends (Twine) is a thriller game where you can play different characters going through the sadistic Killing Game.

You Are Out of Gas (Decker) is a short horror game set in a gas station.

Rabbitat (Twine) follows the adventures of a rabbit named Paige, trying to go home.

life without honey (VideotomeSuper) is a short conversation about love and life.

Deek's Deed (Adventuron) is a remastered sci-fi text-adventure from the 90s with extra elements.

The Super Tiny Pirate Tale (Unity) is a tiny CYOA story where you play as a pirate captain.

Miss Concepcion's Mysteries and Rumors (Ren’Py) follows Maria, a child-detective on a case to find a missing students and reveal secrets.

Through the Storm (Twine) is a short sim game where you play as a therapist, trying to make your patient open up.

The Last Rays of Autumn (Twine) is a slice-of-life about an average person living an average life.

Concoeur (Custom) lets you play as an emotional king, whose choice may literally break your heart.

A Date to Remember (Ren’Py) is a dating-sim about the highs and lows of online dating.

Maus House (Ren’Py) is a cute slice-of-life visual novel where you play as a mouse.

As always, don't forget to check out the submitted entries to the events mentioned in the previous pages. They deserve some love too!

~ NEW RELEASE (WIP) ~

Lost in Limbo (Ren’Py) is a dark fantasy otome mystery project where you must face your fears to reveal the truth and find your way home. @ravenstargames

Azrael (CScript) is a thriller project where you play as a former legendary assassin.

Tales of Wocdes: The Silver Protector (Twine) is a high fantasy following your progression from a helpless child to the all powerful Silver Protector. @tales-of-wocdes

Viatica (Twine) is a post-apocalyptic romance project where you play a healer named H-313.

Texas Hold’em (CScript) is an experimental game where you can play the said card game.

Scale the Scale with Scale between Scale (Unity) is a surreal humorous VN about ocean life.

~ GAMES UPDATES ~

Dragon Kin (CScript) updated the demo with Chapter 4.

Drink Your Villain Juice (CScript) added the first part of Chapter 7 to the Patreon demo. @drinkyourvillainjuice

Adoriel's Tears (Twine) added extra content to the demo. @adoriels-tears-if

Chains of Destiny (CScript) updated the demo with the second part of Chapter 2. @chains-of-destiny

Blood Moon (CScript)'s demo now includes extra content for Chapter 11. @barbwritesstuff

Vendetta (CScript) made its latest update available to all. @vendetta-if

Crown of Ashes and Flames (Twine) added Chapter 4 to the Patreon demo. @coeluvr

Blood Legacies (CScript) updated the demo with extra content. @bloodlegacies

Starless (Twine) returned with re-writes of its first Chapter. @cheryl-writes

Peninsula Campaign (CScript) updated the Patreon demo with extra content.

Aesemyr: The Withering (CScript) added the second part of Chapter 2 to the demo. @wiz-writes

After the end (Twine) completed Chapter 1. @albywritesfiction

Weeping Gods (CScript) added extra content to the demo. @jcollinswrites

~ OTHER ~

Leas: City of the Sun (CScript) has started the beta testing process. The last version is available to all patrons, but you can request a spot as a beta tester here. @sailingshellsgames

Until next Thursday (Aug-29th), ChoiceofGames is having a sale on all its games with management mechanics. See more here. @choiceofgames

The author of Love the guard - Be the king (Ren’Py) is doing a giveaway for game keys. Just fill in the survey to participate. @ligiawrites

~

As always, we apologize in advance for missing any update or release from the past week. We are only volunteers using their limited free time to find as much as we can - but sometimes things pass through the cracks.

If you think something should have been included in this week's zine but did not appear, please shoot us a message! We'll do our best to add it next week! And if you know oncoming news, add it here!

~ THE COLUMN ~

In Defense of ESL Authors

One of my favorite IF creators decided to call it quit recently, after the barrage of negative comments about their writing. This hadn't bothered them when they started: being ESL, they knew their writing wasn't perfect but still wanted to try their best. They used multiple spellcheckers, looked for beta-readers, asked players to send them any errors they would come across. And, in my opinion, it did pay off! Since the first version, their writing improved and flourished. It was a joy to see the progression of all their improvements.

But for some vocal readers, it wasn't enough; it never was enough Every update came with the same criticism: “fix your writing, there are too many typos, it's unreadable”. Like clock-work, they were there, for every update, only pointing out what was wrong with their project, with very little positive comments. The author even asked some if they'd want to be part of the beta-testing - none were actually interested. It was frustrating, for them to keep receiving the same thing over and over, and for us to see them struggle and still not get their due. Yet, they continued to push through, since the project meant a lot to them.

Except... the criticism got worse over time, more and more aggressive. One went as far as ‘advising’ the creator to find a native author to write the story for them instead, because they liked the premise but hated the writing. And when one told them they might as well use AI to write their project, the creator just... gave up.

The problem is... this wasn't the first time or place I've seen this happening.

All over the IF space, ESL authors can't escape those comments. Replies in forum threads, comments on game pages, reviews, public asks... Time and time again, no matter their writing skills, someone publicly will point out that something in the writing doesn't sounds natural, that the structure of a sentence might be technically correct but still not right, that the wrong homonym was used... It's like we all look down on ESL writers for not reaching some unspecified level (that we keep raising every time they get close) of writing quality.

And, honestly, part of me sort of gets it. Interactive Fiction is almost exclusively textual (maybe there's a background or two, or some audio, or you're doing a VN), so the writing will make or break the story. Typos and awkward sentences will break a reader's immersion, the same way bugs and badly built puzzles would. It can be pretty frustrating to butt against every other page because a word is clearly missing or is wrongly spelled. No matter how great a story can be, if the writing is inconsistent, staying invested will be a challenge. Because you can't unsee those issues.

However, what I don't understand is the way the community has decided to deal with this as a whole. And I know, every commenter, every reviewer, every reader is different, and will convey their feelings about a work in different ways, some much kinder than others, some more constructive than others. There are obviously good apples out there, and the MVPs who will report all the typos or issues they've found to the author, unprompted (outside of beta), with a kind message with it should be given their flowers.

But as a whole, the community has not been kind when discussing issues with writings. Worse still, I've noticed a pretty substantial difference when native or ESL authors were on the receiving ends of those comments. People were much harsher to the latter group when reporting typos. While the former would more often get a passing comments or simply a list of found errors, ESL authors were more likely to get condescending comments about their writing to borderline insulting.

It is incredibly disheartening the tone many have taken when discussing someone's prose. From the downward-looking comments (“It's so obvious the author is not native, because the game is riddled with the most basic of errors.”) to the fake-nice ones (“Ah, I really don't want to sound like a dick for pointing it out again, but you really *need* some spellchecking.”), without touching upon the insulting ones (I will spare you an example), I can't blame authors for throwing in the towel and disappearing quietly. It's incredibly dismissive of their efforts, and demoralizing.

Take a moment, just to imagine this: you've spent weeks, maybe months or years, writing a story, to the best of your abilities, in another language than your mother tongue (do you know a second language and feel confident enough to create something with it?); you decided to take the plunge and share it with others, on a public platform, with maybe an invitation for readers to provide comments because you're not fluent. Feeling anxious yet?

Now, imagine getting the these kinds of comments. Imagine your efforts being completely dismissed because “I couldn't finish it, there were too many typos”. Imagine your work deemed unworthy of people's time because “you clearly didn't make any effort writing this, it's unreadable”. Imagine being told to “pay more attention to how you write, it's all just... so wrong”. Imagine having readers assume things about your process: “if I were you, I'd at least use a spellchecker”, “you know, there are plenty of people here who would proofread for you, you just need to ask”. All the while, none of those commenters provided a single concrete example of typos or wrong sentence structure. And if you asked, they'd reply “just read your text again, it's so obvious” or “oh, there were just too many to keep track”.

So, you put your heart out, all that blood, sweat, and tears into creating something, only to get a ‘Git Gud’ in return. How can you not be demoralized? Why would you want to be part of a community who is all too ready to punch down?

Over the years, I've my fair share of ESL authors abandoning their projects because of those unfiltered and unhelpful reactions. Some quit writing altogether, leaving behind a hobby that stopped bringing joy and fulfilment; others returned to their mother tongue and now exclusively write in that language; a few pushed through and continue releasing, regardless of the harsh environment. None ever really get the kudo’s they deserve for writing in another language (how many native English IF creator can say they wrote a game in another language?).

Maybe I'm a bit disillusioned by it all, but... I don't understand how, in our community, we are not trying to uplift each other, to help one another, to be kind to one another. Where in this darn community can we find actual empathy and compassion? Because I've seen enough of sweeping under the rug when an ESL author tries to raise their concerns and their feelings on the matter. You know, the “oh, but I do the same thing with native speakers”, or “if it makes you feel any better, I didn't realize you were ESL, so you should take those comments as praise”, or “but there are native speakers here who would totally help if you asked”, or “but there are ESL authors that have done really good work, like so-and-so”. None ever really address the crux of the issue, do they…

Sometimes, I wonder whether the English-speaking side of the IF community really realize how incredibly catered it is. Out of all the languages used to make IF, English is overwhelmingly the most used (it's the lingua franca of the Internet...). Not only are they getting a diverse library of stories from native authors, the community will find ESL giving extra efforts for theirs to be seen. Served on silver (maybe a bit banged up) platter, the community doesn't even need to spend time or energy learning a new language: it's already in English for them!

And plenty are obviously taking for granted this gift.

See, in trying to uphold rigid (and often unwritten) rules about what is proper and improper writing, we lose an incredible amount of diversity in language, of beauty in poetic prose that sings because the author's mother tongue is lyrical, of strange (good!) idioms translated word for word that actually make a scene more impactful than if its “proper” counterpart was used, of personality in writing stemming from the author's identity and background, of bringing forward unique phrasings to an ever-changing language, of flourishes and aesthetic that wouldn't exist otherwise. This is something that cannot be recreated by native speakers. And this is not something that should be suppressed either.

Honestly, if we continue like this, we would lose all these vibrant voices, diverse stories and perspectives, and variety in use of the language. Not just that, we'd also scare away any ESL newcomers.

So, before someone brings up the ‘awesome’ idea of making authors explicitly indicate their fluency in languages in their blurb so “we can all have the same expectation”, or tells us to “stop coddling people because if they can’t take it then they shouldn’t make it public”, or replies that “ESL should use GenAI to help improve their writing” (don't you fucking dare!), I just have one advice for people who comments on an author’s prose (and maybe forget about their tone): please, instead of generally say “there’s quite a bit of typos here” or “it could do with another round of spellcheck”, consider explaining a specific issue and how it affected your experience as the player. You know, the “it made me feel like…” rather than “you did something wrong”. Or reach out to the author with concrete examples of their errors. General passing comments don't help people improve their writing, but explanations and details do.

And for my ESL authors out there… You are truly awesome. The work you put into creating stories in a language that you had to learn, the constant effort put into writing with structures that might still be foreign to you, the commitment you made into creating and translating, it is mind-blowing. You are doing amazing, one word at a time!

ludatwilight

~ HIGHLIGHT ON ~

A couple of games that we thought were cool.

The Queen's Menagerie by Chandler Groover (Texture - IFDB)

“honestly, I really hate Texture as an engine, with its frustrating click-drag interactive. So there are very few Texture games that are worth it. And this one. Oh boy, this one is weirdly enjoyable. It's also pretty short (15min), that helps. IF you're into Gothic vibes and guilt, now, this game is going to be worth your time.”

//submitted by anonymous//

Invite the blackbird by ana.merzlaya (Unity - itch.io)

Invite the blackbird is an adorable interactive VN, with beautiful handdrawn watercolor illustrations, where you follow Sonya, a young girl, and a blackbird, enjoying a very chill day. The aesthetic is very charming and surprisingly emotional.

//recommended by Erika//

Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich by Rex Mundane (Adventuron - itch.io - IFDB)

A funky nonsensical adventure where the goal is to make a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Except the game twist and turns, and gets pretty meta for a joke game.

If you are looking for a fun silly time, with fairly easy puzzles (it was made for the TALJ), you should try this one!

//recommended by Axelle [Team]//

Your favourite game here?

Do you have a favourite game that deserves some highlighting?

An old or recent game that wowed you so much you spam it to everyone?

Tell us about it! And it might appear here!

WE LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU ALL! WHETHER IT'S GOOD OR BAD, OR EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN...

i loved your interview with Drew Cook (@golmac)!! All your interviews so far have been so expansive and interesting, full of useful info for gamemakers as well as context for players. This is a great project and I hope it continues. - @adz

so bummed class is starting soon... cause i won't have enough free time to enjoy all the cool IF games being updated every week :( - anonymous

hiiiii! this is for the shoutout bit! to Grayson (@if-30x30), hands-down the best sci-fi author and illustrator (if i wasn't super broke, you'd get all my money!) of this community. your stuff is insane <3 - a super shy fan

Have something to say? Send us a message titled: Zine Letter!

As we end this issue, we would like to thank:

@adz, a super shy fan, Erika, ludatwilight, SailingShellsGames @tabitha-writes, and a bunch of very helpful anonymous users!

For sending news, interview questions, helpful tips, cool links, filled form, written Sheet line, even emails... all these help us so much to make this Zine possible!

And as always, huge thanks to all you readers who liked, shared, and commented on last week's issue! What might be tiny actions are huge support and motivators to us! Thank you for cheering us on this journey!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We also hope you join us again next week, for we have a very special guest on the zine:

IFComp Organiser, Founder of ClubFloyd, and IF author : Jacqueline A. Lott is our guest next week!

Want to know more about her work? How she found IF? Or learn more about her community projects?

Send us all your burning questions!

And see you again next week!

MARJORIE, AXELLE, AND NOI

WHAT'S NEW IN IF? 2024-ISSUE 19

[drmaddict]

She takes after her mother

Summary: Children don't always take after their parents. This is a fact that Jason and Eddie are also confronted with.

Word count: 1.815

"What's she done this ti- Munson?", Jason looked in surprise at his former classmate, who was already waiting in the principal's office at Hawkins High.

"Carver?", he looked just as surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Probably the same as you.", he sighed and dropped into the unfortunately all too familiar chair.

The office door opened again and Headmistress White came in. She wordlessly placed a plastic coffee cup in front of Jason and nodded to him.

"Jason.", she sighed.

"Hi Beth." He just nodded and reached for the coffee. He pulled a face.

"Sugar's out.", she explained and sat down at the table. "Mr. Munson. I'm glad you could come."

Munson wiped his hands on his torn jeans. "No problem. What's the boy done?", he laughed nervously. "Handed a book in late? Was it dog-eared? Sometimes he forgets himself, when he's doing calculus."

Beth grinned. "I know you're a rare guest, but please take this seriously."

Munson nodded immediately. "Sure. Sorry."

A rare guest. Jason wanted to scream. And he sat here almost every other week, because his little brat of a daughter thought, she had to play rebel. Although her grades were impeccable, she just couldn't control herself and was always getting into trouble.

"So...", she placed the two files in front of them.

The one in front of Munson still looked almost virgin, while the one in front of Jason was almost bursting at the seams.

Annoyed, he took a sip of the much too bitter coffee. For the last two months, he had really hoped, that she had come around. No incident. No phone call.

"So. You two kids seem to be getting... getting closer.", she began.

They both looked up, perplexed.

"What?", they asked almost in unison.

She nodded. "Yes. From what I hear, they're probably a couple. And I'm just outing them here. Well. Now you know."

"Axel - my Axel, who can't look at a girl without blushing, has a girlfriend?", Munson asked incredulously.

"And Jennifer willingly lets a boy touch her, without breaking his nose?" Jason asked, equally puzzled.

Beth nodded. "I'm just as surprised. By the way, Mr. Sullivan and Mr. Jonsen's surgeries went very well."

Munson laughed. "Your daughter's a thug?"

"Self-proclaimed feminist.", Jason grumbled. At first he'd been happy, not to have to worry about some guy breaking her heart. Now he'd rather that, than constantly worrying about his daughter breaking someone else's.

"How can it be that your little girl is so crazy?"

"Takes after her mother.", Jason sighed, exhausted.

Munson laughed. "Oh, I'd like to meet her."

"If you find her, let me know. She ran off and left me alone with Jennifer, when she was ten.", Jason nagged at him. Since then, his daughter just hadn't been the same. He did everything, but she pushed him away more and more. No matter how he wanted to be involved in her life. He went to her debate competitions. He said, it was okay, that she didn't want to be on the swim team anymore. He allowed her horrible music. Nothing helped bring her closer to him again.

"Oh... I'm sorry about that.", Munson said tersely, looking down at his hands. "If it's any consolation. Axel doesn't exactly take after me either. He's a little wimp. But my wimp. His mom took off too."

"Hm."

"Gentlemen.", Beth chimed in again.

Jason wiped his face. "Sorry Beth. Shoot."

"Well we're pleased that the two of them complement each other so well. Axel is finally coming out of his shell more and Jennifer has become much calmer... Just... Well, the two of them were found today... They were found in a somewhat prickly situation today.", she said, slightly fumbling.

"Prickly situation?" Munson asked. "What, did they make out too hard and scare the janitor?"

Beth narrowed her eyes embarrassed. Jason suspected the worst.

"Please don't tell me-"

"They had sex in the school swimming pool."

Jason buried his face in his hands.

Munson just looked at the principal, grinning stupidly.

"Mr. Munson!", she reprimanded him.

"Sorry.", he interjected, but continued to grin.

She sighed. "Actually, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but the janitor caught them and since he's going through his second divorce, he's not too fond of young love." She pulled the school files back towards her. "At worst, they've broken a few hygiene rules. So they'll both be staying late this afternoon, picking gum off the benches. Nothing serious. But the janitor is looking in through the window right now, so I'd ask you both to look shocked, while I put these stamps on these scratch sheets. And action. Perfect." She smiled at them both. "Your little lovebirds will be in my office."

They followed the principal to her room, where there children were indeed waiting.

"Jennifer. Feet off the table.", Mrs. White said calmly. "And out of my chair."

She nudged the girl, who had made herself comfortable at her desk and was drinking coffee from one of the ceramic cups waiting for her.

"Sorry Beth.", she smiled and stood up relaxed. Jason looked at his daughter reprovingly, but she ignored him.

Munson, on the other hand, walked up to his son and smacked him on the shoulder, grinning benevolently. The little boy wanted to sink into the ground.

Jason looked closely at the scrawny heap of misery. You'd think his daughter would choose someone... just pick someone else. The boy sitting there was almost her photo negative.

He was wearing a checked, short-sleeved bottom up shirt, glasses with plain a metal fram and beige pants. He took an inhaler out of his trouser pocket and put it in his mouth. One pump later, he inhaled deeply.

Munson just rolled his eyes with a smile. "Just relax. You just have to scrape off gum. Harvard will still take you and you won't end up at a gas station like your old man." He tousled the boy's short curls, which seemed to be the only thing he had of his father besides his dark eyes.

"Dad!", he groaned and slapped his hand away.

He just laughed.

Jason looked at his daughter again. Torn jeans, a jacket with an impossible number of patches and a rumpled T-shirt, that he wasn't sure she hadn't already worn to sleep.

"Anthrax?", Munson asked cheerfully, pointing at her shirt.

Jennifer looked at Munson as well. "Yup."  she said, looking at him closely. "Black Sabbath... Classic.", she just nodded with a bored.

"That used to be the shit."

"Hmm. Back in the day, maybe.", she just nodded.

Munson grinned and looked back at his son. "Respect.", he just said and slapped him on the back again. The boy simply took another pump from his inhaler.

Jason sighed. "We're going to the gynecologist tomorrow.", he decided.

"Dad!", she exclaimed in shock.

"Nothing Dad!" he countered. "I'm not going to be a grandfather, until you finish school!"

"And we couldn't have this conversation in private?"

"If you'd seduced the kid somewhere more private, we probably wouldn't be having it at all."

"How do you wsnt to know, that I seduced him?"

"So you're telling me that this 110 pounds of asthma and fragile bones gave the gigolo. No offense to you, kid.", he turned briefly to little Munson.

He dropped his inhaler out of sheer shock. Hectic he bent down after it.

"Okay. They're going to serve their sentence now and they're welcome to leave.", Mrs. White interjected again.

"It was nice to meet you, Mr. Munson. Jason. See you around."

The four of them left the room. The couple was collected by the janitor and Jason and Munson went outside to their cars.

"How did those two end up together?", asked Munson aloud. "I mean. I love my son, but what does she want with him?"

Jason shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Most guys she beats up. He must be doing something right... Tell him, he's invited to dinner Friday."

Munson nodded. "Kids, huh?"

"Kids.", Jason sighed. He rubbed his face. "Fancy a beer?"

"A beer with my former nemesis? Sure. But you're paying."

Jason rolled his eyes. "What else."

Jennifer and Axel lay entwined in each other's arms. Some would almost say, they were trying to eat each other. Axel jerked away, took out his inhaler and inhaled deeply.

"Sorry.", he mumbled.

She grinned. "No problem.", she sighed, playing with his shirt collar. "I know an abandoned boathouse by the lake. We'd have our peace and quiet there."

"O... OH... Okay." Axel groaned shakily as she ran her hand emphatically over his crotch. "Do you Do-you want to drive?"

She nodded and was already pulling his car keys out of his pants.

They drove in silence, listening to Pantera over a cassette Axel had found in a thrift store. Jennifer brought the car to a halt, almost dragging Axel with her.

The door was open, as usual, and she pushed her boyfriend through the opening.

"Hey!"

"Urgh!"

"Axel?"

"Mr. Carver?"

"Fury!"

"Munson."

The four of them looked at each other in surprise, until Jennifer took a closer look. Munson's hand was under her father's T-shirt and his lips were conspicuously red. Both of their hair were completely disheveled and her father's hand was stuck in Munson's pants.

"Urgh! Fuck no!" she groaned.

"Language!", her father reprimanded her immediately.

Munson laughed. "With the things you throw out sometimes-" Her father slapped him on the back of the head.

"OW!"

"What are you doing here?", her father asked angrily, trying to put them both in a more presentable position.

"The same as you, it seems.", she said confidently, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

Munson grinned. Jason narrowed his eyes in humiliation. Axel just stood there silently and looked at the floor.

"Okay." Munson snapped out of his stupor and zipped his pants again. "We're getting out of here."

"But-", her father started.

"But nothing. They're old enough and at least they're not in the school pool. We both have a house each and we just wanted to pretend, we were still in high school here. Let the youth get the experience and let's go.", he said, pulling her father with him.

The two of them looked after their fathers, overwhelmed.

"I would have never expected this in my life.", Jennifer admitted.

"I've got a few more Oxis, if you want to forget about it.", Axel said bluntly.

"How can your dad not know, that you're selling this shit?"

"He trusts me and... Well, he's not the brightest light sometimes.", he grinned.

She laughed. "Okay. Give me that." She smiled and let Axel put the little pill in her hand. She kissed him briefly. "I've never had high sex before.", she grinned.

He grinned mischievously. "I'd be your first?"

"And I hope my last." She stroked his scrawny chest.

"I love you."

"I love you."

[pvccblog]

JUST GETTING STARTED

Another wonderful day in Oregon!  Our day started off with the breakfast of champions - spam and eggs!!

The wind seems to have shifted a bit and the wildfire smoke was pretty heavy today.  It didn't stop the campers from having an excellent time at sports camp! It was interesting though, they were complaining about the heat today.  To us, the weather was perfect!!  Around here, if the temperature hovers near 80 degrees it is too hot.  Quite different from the destinations we usually travel to for these trips!  We are used to triple digits so this weather is quite pleasant for our team.  

Axel taught the lesson today and it was about Jesus healing the paralyzed man.  The kids seemed pretty engaged.  We are praying that the lessons will sink in and that the kids will remember them and be able to apply them to their lives.  We are also praying for any of them who do not know Jesus - that they would come to know him in a real and personal way!  

At BARF Night, we played a new game.  Pastor Fred's son Josiah had a birthday today and he wanted play wiffle Ball tonight.  We ended up playing "Extreme Ultimate Wiffle Ball" and it was a blast.  It seemed to be just as fun for those watching us play, they were quite entertained. 

We also played Rabbit Sticks and it was a very tiring, competitive, even match.  Axel ended up winning for his team with a dive across the line that left him bruised, cut, and with dirt all over himself.  Keep in mind that this was after he slid into home plate during the wiffle ball game and blood was drawn.  He's a beast!

Martina is such a great young woman of God.  She shared her testimony tonight and it had an impact.  Her story resonated with many in the crowd.  Even the parents came over to hear her share and they were very impressed that someone her age would be so brave to share in front of a crowd like this.  Nicole and I are certainly proud of her, but we are not surprised.  Martina has come on our Intergenerational Mission Venture for years and has even shared her testimony on that trip.  Way to go Nina! 

After BARF Night, we went over to Pastor Andrew's house.  He is the pastor of the Baptist church I mentioned previously.  He and his wife Tonya served us ice cream and we played games and hung out with their family and David's family and a couple of the local teens.  It is pretty cool to see them invest in their community.  David and his wife actually grew up in Glendale and have been serving in local youth ministry pretty much since they graduated from the local high school.  It's been over 20 years!!! Praise the Lord for their long term commitment!  

I also want to share how pleased I am with the unity of our team.  We have never combined with another mission team and it's pretty amazing how they have merged together so well.  Part of it is that some of our students grew up with Phin for a few years while he lived in Pine Valley, but I think it is also a testament to their upbringing and their relationship with Jesus and their desire to serve him and share the gospel with others.  This is the smallest team we've ever had at PVCC, and some of our biggest years our teams had over 20 students.  I am noticing this year that a small team that is so "locked in" can have incredible impact in a place like this.  We are praising God that He knew who would be here this week and that he is using us to accomplish His mission!  

Please continue to pray.  We know that you are because God is working!  There were a few great conversations at BARF Night with some teens and we are hoping this continues to develop.  Tonight at Family Time we talked about how we can take longer breaks between games to allow for more opportunities to chat with people.  I am not going to share a lot of details about these conversations but please know that they are happening!      

We are looking forward to another great Wednesday!  If you haven't already, scroll back and check out our video from our rafting trip on Sunday!  Thanks everyone!

[the-admin-but-dumber]

Silly little AU kinda

SrGrSo I know I usually post MCSM here but like, I LOVE Ark, it’s one of the many games I play and its definitely my favourite in terms of survival aside from minecraft. I love playing with mods and so on. Anyways I wanted to show off my most favourite tames and I guess ‘tame’ I have.

Rudy and Ech0! They’ve been with me for a few months at this rate, I’ve been playing a huge mix of mods and I was lucky to get them. 

Rock Drakes are my FAVOURITE dino on the game, they’re so fun to glide around with and are just so cool, anyways onto the AU thing. Would you call it an AU? Meh. Anyways, I started thinking about a possible Ark AU with MCSM a while ago, when in doubt use the portal network for your weird AUs and make it a new adventure. I love the portal network and its sad we only saw so much, but anyways the whole gist of the story is they get caught in the portal network and end up in a world with dinosaurs and all these funky creatures, cool right, not too special. Anyways, the portal leading OUT of the world is actually right beside them when they step through, but it is horribly disfigured and needs to be repaired. The entire worlds is inhabited by survivors and tribes who’d already long since made their claim on the world, one of these tribes attacks Jesse’s gang because well new people.       They’re rescued by this other tribe that takes them back to base on this floating rock in the sky. They’re given a run down on what’s going on with the world, all of them came from the portal network to be faced with a destroyed portal. The tribe they’re in has a pink flint and steel thats grown damaged in the years they’ve been there.      They’re told that the only way to possibly figuring out how to get home is to find all these artifacts and fight the one that basically made the realm. The world’s admin if you will, I imagined her as a dragon or one of the main boses.   They stay in the tribe’s camp for a couple days/weeks, learning how to make stuff, new crafting recipes, how to tame the dinosaurs and so on.       Kind of a list of what creatures the order mostly use. This is all really off the top of my head since I never really made a solid list. Lukas; Sabertooth Jesse/Jessie; Argentavis (?) Or Wyvern? Petra; Griffin (?) Axel; Maybe a large apex? Like allo, or Carchar, Dire Bear? Olivia; Deinonychus/Raptor Radar; Rock Drake, but def wanted a dire wolf Characters that might NOT be in the AU but could be? Jack;  Def smth that can passanger carry for Nurm (Shadowmane? He seems badass enough to successfully tame one) Romeo; Rock Drake too? Kind of had an idea that he and Radar were the ones to fall into the abberant area together. Minus the deadly radiation LOLL Xara; Also seems like a Shadowmane, or a snow owl. Ivor; Griffin maybe, he and Petra can having matching LOL (Gimme your ideas of what you think they’d have, this was just a sudden choice with not too much thought put into) Anyways, I was thinking of making this into a fanfic which could be fun, would that be an interest to read. Ark and MCSM are some of my biggest hyperfixations and I would LOVE to make content of the two games combined in this fun little AU.

[hopeymchope]

Hey!

The Junko ask you did reminded me of my own concept where the THH cast use magic alongside weaponry that may be related to their talent or character. Do you have any ideas for everyone except Makoto and Junko, as I already have stable ideas for them?

More specifically,

Leon, Mondo, Sakura, Aoi, and Mukuro are more physical (warriors,)

Kyoko, Byakuya, Chihiro, and Celestia are more magical (mages,)

and Sayaka, Kiyotaka, Hifumi, Yasuhiro, and Toko plus Jack are balanced between physical and magical attacks.

I'm SO sorry for the late reply! I saved an in-progress answer to this a few weeks ago and then uh... I went through some surgery and my S.O. had surgery and basically I lost all track of the fact that this happened.

So. Uh yeah. This is probably too late to add useful suggestions to your concept, as you've likely already cemented a lot more characters in the interim. EVEN SO: Can I offer you an extremely late answer in this trying time?

Obviously Leon has to have a bat or club, right? Even though he'd probably resent it at first... ? Lol. But he'd be excellent at it all the same. Might feel cool to incorporate some loud singing/yelling in a very "punk rock" style into a couple attacks, too. Or is that anachronistic to your setting?

Mukuro can use literally anything, but I feel projectile weapons are the most logical thing for her (besides just a combat-centric knife, which feels too bland/basic). I don't have any idea how medieval OR modern you're making this reality, so: Perhaps she wields a gun, a crossbow, or just a regular bow?

Sakura needs to be the character that ONLY uses their fists and actual martial arts moves. There's always at least one of those in RPGs, y'know. The "Black Belt in Final Fantasy 1"-type character. Or the "Chie in Persona 4," if you prefer.

It's easy to picture Chihiro using some sort of visual equivalent to computing/hacking. Therefore, Chihiro could cast a spell that makes squares and/or cubes appear to float through the air (representations of screen pixels and/or algorithm geometry), which expand into a fractal image that reaches over and builds itself up THROUGH the target, for example, causing damage by impaling them with the fractal. If you don't know what I mean by a random computer-generated fractal, just imagine something like this rapidly growing out from Chihiro's spell to attack the enemy:

5. Pretty easy to figure out Genocide(r) Jack/Syo would use small blades such as scissors or, if that's not logical for your setting, then some knives. But when she's regular ol' Toko, how about she whips out a notebook and starts frantically writing with a pen, only for the words to float off of the page and then fly right into her opponent?

6. I've been thinking about how Asahina might fight, and I'm not sure what to do with her. I figure she might use her legs a lot like a Chun-Li-type because swimming has built up her kicking strength. And we see her practice a few punches in DR3, though we only see her fight using some kind of pipe/rebar/metal thing when confronting Juzo. I imagine she wouldn't use a strictly defined "style"; it'd be more of a hodgepodge of homemade attacks she concocts.

7. Mondo? Punching/boxing and would probably also wield a tire iron/axel. Simple.

8. Hagakure is similarly easy. He can conjure (y'know, do some quick prayer or swirl a hand over an artifact or something) some kind of visible magic (I'm picturing a generic swirling smoke or beam of light; pretty standard stuff) using his crystal balls and other weird possessions. .... Hopefully his attacks are better than 30% effective :P I don't have a vision of how he'd work with performing physical attacks, though... ?

9. I don't know how to handle Kyoko's "magic." Is there some way to visualize the "magic" of someone just being intelligent and using logical deduction? I can't quite grok how to do it. We do know she has some physical fighting skill, however, because of the time she fought Masked Junko off in Naegi's room in DR1. And I can picture how she'd work as a physical fighter: extremely minimalist. She'd so reserved as a person that I think her fighting style would be similarly reserved. She would stand there with her arms crossed, looking unready, and would barely move when actually attacking/fighting. You know, just casually stroll up and then swat an enemy with the back of her fist. Or just stand still and barely sidestep to dodge, then pivot before sending out a very basic forward kick to hit the opponent. It would almost look lazy, but it's actually extremely calculated. Y'know?

10. Maizono would have to have some magic involving music, naturally. Y'know... in season 1 of the Magia Record anime, we saw another Sayaka — Sayaka Miki — use music-based magic for healing. She can sing/hum/play songs that generate visible musical notes as a form of magic. I think it'd be cool if Maizono could do the same kind of thing ... plus maybe she swings a mic stand around and hits people with it like Rise does in Persona 4 Arena?

And that's... kind of all I could conjure up from my brain. There are still four people on your list there, and I don't seem to have any ideas on how to work them. But hopefully you do. Or will! :)

[countessofravenclaw]

Like the Red Rose blooms in the Oxford Garden: Chapter six

Sometimes when your heart breaks… it feels like there is no way to fix it. No matter what you try. All the memories get left behind as something unfinished… But maybe, there is to way to fix it, A second chance. Some way to finish the story you two started writing because it was never the end, but just a part of the story… even if you have to travel far to achieve it.

You were bigger than the whole sky. You were more than just a short time

“When talking about essential acceleration, we need to take the radius and use that to calculate velocity and friction that way.” Nina watched the pen in Gastón’s hand draw a smooth circle on the paper. “Now, you draw the axels on this, and the different force vectors.”

It was the first day of the Easter vacation at Oxford. All the students were given a week off while the trinity term had just started a week ago. The physics course she was taking had been odd since it ranged one and a half terms. The exam would be in three weeks… but she didn’t want to even think about it.

She was not looking forward to finishing the course at all. Not because she didn’t believe that she couldn’t pass it. She did actually feel quite confident now, after all of Gastón’s help… that was the issue. After the course was over, he would no longer be helping her. She’d no longer have any excuse to spend long winding evenings at the library alone with him. 

Nina had pretty much come to the conclusion that physics were not her thing anymore, but still these past months had been the happiest she had felt in a while, by just being in his presence. It often felt like nothing had changed at all and things between them were much warmer than when she had first come to Oxford. He helped her with the physics course, and after a while, she had had the courage to ask him to go through a couple of her literature essays. Often the tutoring sessions stretched out because they just kept talking. 

She knew that there was no way she could get over him now. Nina didn’t want to get over him. If she had had any doubt before, it was gone now. She loved him. His laugh, his smile, the way he had the most patience in the world while explaining stuff to her. He was a fantastic teacher. Everything she had always loved about him, she loved even more now. 

But it was not up to her. If Gastón still felt the same, wouldn’t he already have made a move? He usually didn’t beat around the bush with what he wanted. Sometimes the hope in her did wake up, whenever she thought that he was looking at her a little bit longer than normal, but it could have been easily that she had just imagined it. 

It didn’t matter if she knew what she felt. If he didn’t love her anymore, there was nothing she could do. She didn’t want to lose him either way. She couldn’t be that desperate ex who could not accept reality. 

“Nina? Are you listening?” Nina shook her head to get her focus back. Gastón was holding the pen out for her. She grabbed it and it almost felt like, with the way he was handing the pen to her, that he was purposefully trying to avoid even slightly touching hands. Like she needed any clearer indication of what kind of place she held in his heart. 

Not that there had been anyone else either. Gastón didn’t seem to go out at all, at least with any girls. Any time she had seen him come out of classes, he was with James and James only. In the mornings he always appeared out of their dorm with Oliver and Jacob, so he didn’t spend his nights anywhere else either. That just gave her more hope, no matter how foolish it might have been. 

“Yeah, I’m listening.” She started drawing the arrow indicating the velocity on the paper. “So, after this, I just insert all the variables in here, and calculate the right one?”

“Yes.” Gastón smiled at her. “You’re really getting the hang of these.”

“Not without you.” Nina looked back on the paper, “How did you draw a perfect circle on this paper. You couldn’t draw those well before.”

“I know,” Gastón laughed, “but we’re supposed to decide our minors this year, and I was kind of thinking of architecture actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I really want to get into environmental construction once I graduate, and they really could complement each other.” Gastón directed his eyes towards the computer screen, “It is just an idea, I haven’t really mentioned it to anybody—”

Once again Nina felt that involuntary flutter in her heart. He was telling her something that no one else knew about?

“—Now as everyone is away for the holiday, I will have time to think. Not that we’ll get lonely.” Now she was sure he was side eyeing her. All of their friends were going home for the holidays, but she and Gastón weren’t obviously, since they would have a little longer of a journey, so dorms would basically be deserted, outside of two of them. “Did you understand this one, since I think we can probably pick it up from here tomorrow?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Nina said shutting her laptop and trying to ignore the disappointment in her chest that this would be it for today. She opened her phone and saw a reminder from her calendar. She had completely lost the track of time…“Oh, noh.”

“What is it?” Gastón looked at her concerned. 

“Nothing, just—” Nina shook her head, “—I completely forgot. We have this group project about history and literature. I am doing that with Lisa, you know the classmate I told you about, and we agreed to go to this one museum today to do some research. The problem is that it is pretty far away, and I had looked up a bus to get there but now I missed it and Lisa’s getting straight on a train back home after this… I’ll have to cancel.”

“Don’t do that,” Gastón stopped her before Nina was able to press Lisa’s contact to call her. “What museum was it?”

“We were supposed to meet there at 2 pm. There is no other way to get there. I won’t make it on time.” Nina showed the address to Gastón on her phone.

“That’s not true. I’ll drive you.��� Gastón said and picked his backpack up from the chair he had set it in, “I know that place. You’ll make it just fine.”

“You’d do that?” Nina looked at him at in disbelief. Why was she even surprised? Of course, he had a car.

“Of course,” Gastón said nonchalantly like this was not a big deal at all. “Come on. You didn’t want to be late.”

Nina quickly grabbed her bag from where she had left it and started following Gastón down a hallway. They walked until they turned to another hallway that Nina had never been to—she would probably never learn all of the secrets Oxford had to offer. At the end of that hallway was a bigger and really heavy-looking door that Gastón pushed open.

The chilly April air flooded from the door as they walked to what seemed to be a parking garage of some sort. Nina just kept following him until they stopped in from of a sleek-looking red car. Gastón got a key from his pocket and pressed a button and the car’s lights flickered. 

Nina didn’t know why she suddenly was feeling quite nervous about getting in a car with him. This wasn’t even the black Ferrari he had had in Buenos Aires, the back seat of which they had spent a fair amount of time making out on. 

“You seem to have a habit of looking surprised about me and cars,” Gastón laughed, as he drove out of the parking garage, “I can’t be that bad of a driver.”

“No, it’s not that,” Nina shook her head, to get the images that had been floating in her mind out of her mind. “I just never came to think that you had a car here.”

“It is good to have it, for these kinds of situations, but I don’t get that much use from it.” Gastón said as he stopped at the stoplight. “Mom and Dad insisted like they do every time honestly. Especially, this didn’t need to be new. I am gonna return it once I move back after graduation anyway. There is just no saying NO to them on this kind of stuff.”

“Why not?” Nina asked. The changes in Gastón’s speaking demeanor had been pretty clear, something kind of bothered him about this. 

“Well, you know how they are,” Gastón directed his eyes on the road, and he started speeding on the highway, “I know they only wanna help me, but they keep saying that it is an advance of my inheritance, which doesn’t even make sense. I am getting everything anyway… one of the reasons I would really love to have those siblings.”

“You’ve never talked about that before,” Nina asked while looking at him curiously. Obviously, she had known all along about this. Having been born and raised in Buenos Aires, it was impossible not to know who Isla and Marco Perida were, as they were prominent names in the business world, even if Nina had not connected the dots right away. But she realized Gastón himself had never really acknowledged to her that often that his parents were self-made millionaires, they weren’t any celebrities after all. His family was normal people, just like him, the wealth didn’t really show outside of the obvious things. This was the first time he really was talking about it.

“I mean, I guess it has hit me now, honestly… What on earth am I gonna do with it all?” Gastón sighed, “I don’t have any idea about investing or whatever or interest in it… This is the only reason why I wish just a little bit that they would have forced me to follow their career paths. I know this is stupid, but sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming.”

“It’s logical to feel that way. It is a huge responsibility. That's why Luna split her inheritance up with Ambar.” Nina looked at him sympathetically, “But you shouldn’t get bent about it now, you have time. No one wants to think about the time when their parents are gone. And you are not alone.”

“Because a lot of our friends are millionaires already, why not just join them?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Nina rolled her eyes at him, “You do know that Ambar went to Law School right?”

“Yes, I do. That will be a deathly match.” Gastón chuckled, “No criminal will be able to get anything past her.”

“She wants to specialize in inheritance or family law.” Nina continued, “She can help… 50 years down the line, or whenever this actually will be relevant. Right now, you can just be yourself and live your own life and not worry about the future.”

“Is Nina Simonetti telling me to not worry about what will happen?” Gastón said glancing at her amused. The look in his eyes made Nina’s heart flutter again. “What happened to the Murphy’s law?”

“Nothing happened… it is all still here, trust me.” Nina laughed, “But that doesn’t mean others need to. I know you can do it, so you should believe in yourself too.”

“I know this is one of the most superficial insecurities to have. I know I am extremely privileged.” Gastón shook his head, “My future is secured, and I am able to provide that for my children and my… wife.” His voice trailed off for a moment once he said the last words. 

Nina felt her heart speed up. She could have sworn his eyes had flickered on her when he had said that. Could it be that he had envisioned that future with her? She definitely had…

“Anyways…” Gastón continued, “I am sorry about dumping this all on you… kind of just came out. It’s just, I can’t really talk about something like this with the guys… Jacob, Oliver or James don’t exactly know, I mean they must suspect something because I am here with no student loans or scholarship, but I rather not have them know specifics. I know I should have talked about this with Matteo, but it is not always easiest to do through the phone.”

“It’s okay,” Nina reassured him, “You can talk to me, we’re friends.”

“It has always been easy to talk to you, Nina.” Gastón wasn’t looking at her, since they had just hit traffic, “I— I really missed that, last year.”

“I missed that too.”

“Can you tell me the address again?” Gastón asked after a small silence.

“560 Queens Road.” Nina looked the address up from her phone. She had almost forgotten already that he was giving her a ride to meet up with Lisa.

“Okay,” Gastón said while turning right from a roundabout, “Don’t worry, we’ll still make it on time… You know, if you need a ride somewhere again, you can just ask me. This doesn’t need to be a one-time thing. Or if I can’t do it at the time, I can just give you the keys.”

“Oh, I can’t do that.” Nina was completely taken back by the suggestion. 

“I mean I’ll need to show you the ropes, but I trust you enough to let you drive. You don’t need to worry about that.”

“No, you don’t understand.” Nina interrupted, “I can’t drive.”

“You don’t?” Gastón questioned, “I thought, you would have gotten the license before you moved.”

“I know, and I think maybe I should have gotten it,” Nina looked down, “But I guess I never made it happen, and I don’t know if Mom would have let me…”

“Is everything okay between you and Ana?” Gastón suddenly asked, “You barely ever mention her and when you do, you sound bit strange.”

Nina looked down again. Of course, he had noticed that. 

“Well, it’s the same deal again,” she sighed.

“I thought you got on better now.”

“We did, yes,” Nina continued, “Mom is in some ways almost a completely different person from who she was three years ago, but in some ways, she’s still not.”

“What happened?”

“Well, I got the scholarship to come here quite suddenly, and I made the decision quite fast as well. Not that I regret it, it is not about that. I didn’t tell Mom about any of it until I had gotten in… and she didn’t like that, because after I declined the offer going in 2017, I guess she just thought I’d want to stay in Buenos Aires.” Nina sighed, she really didn’t like thinking about this, “Basically, after I told her that I was coming here… we had a fight. In the end, she had to accept that I was an adult and had made my decision and then we kind of just pretended that it never happened, but I haven’t talked with her in a while.”

“I am sorry to hear that.” Gastón glanced at her again.

“Her problem is that she thinks that she always knows the best and doesn’t admit when she is wrong. That has never changed, you saw it yourself. She and Dad never worked anything out. They are fine now, as Dad moved away.” Nina shook her head. “I know she technically wants what is best for me, but I need to grow and be independent someday. I thought she already understood that.”

“You’re the only thing she has. These kinds of big changes are not easy to our parents. Mine at least have each other.”

“I know that.” Nina looked out of the window, “Mom and dad have been fighting over me since I was 7. Mom just doesn’t understand that I am not going anywhere. I love her, she is my mother. It’s not going to change, no matter where I go with my life. I just hate this. I don’t like being in a fight with anyone, especially with her.”

“You said that you haven’t talked to her in a while,” Gastón turned to look at her as they stopped on another red stop light, “Maybe you should. Explain everything to her like you just did to me. It is clearly really bothering you, and it is not good to keep pondering on it.”

“Yeah, maybe you are right.” Nina looked straight ahead again. “But I don’t know…”

“Just remember that none of this is your fault…” Gastón started saying and suddenly chuckled, “I’m sorry, but I just have a hard time imagining someone being mad at you.”

“It is not that impossible,” Nina looked at him not amused, “Lot of people had been angry with me… You have.”

“Because I was an idiot.”

“You were not,” Nina started. Her intentions had not been for the conversation to end up in this direction… the Oxford application, in the end, was the pivotal reason why they were broken up in the first place… “You had every reason to be angry at me… I am a lawyer’s daughter and I basically committed identity fraud… You could have sued me.”

“Not likely,” Gastón shook his head, “You didn’t mean any harm and like I said, it is hard to stay mad at you.”

Nina saw Gastón keeping his eyes on the road, but he was smiling. Nina had no idea why he was speaking to her so tenderly. It was making her so confused… she hated how much it all filled her with so much hope. Was she really just being delusional?

“Do… Do you ever think what would have happened if I hadn’t done it?” She asked carefully, “Would be both still be in Buenos Aires…?”

“Honestly, I don’t know…” Gastón’s voice trailed off as he pulled up to a parking lot, “... and we’re here.”

“Already?” Nina tried to mask the disappointment in her voice. 

“Yep, the museum is right here.” Gastón stopped the car and turned to look at her again, “You can get back alright by yourself?”

“Yes, I think so,” Nina nodded, “Thanks for this honestly. You didn’t need to do this and waste your time…”

“I didn’t waste anything,” Gastón shook his head, “And like I said, it was really nice to talk to you…” He did a sudden hand movement, and his arm struck the place the car key was inserted, and the key fell out. “Arg, really? This is the one thing I absolutely hate about this car. The key is extremely loose and falls out all the time. Where did it go?”

“It’s right here,” Nina noticed that the key had fallen on her feet. “I’ll get it.”

She reached for the legroom of the front seat and picked the key up. “Here—”

…As she went to place the key to Gastón’s outreached hand, she realized that he had leaned forward to see where the key was and that their faces were maybe only a couple of centimeters away from each other. 

She somehow managed to put the key into his hand, by accidentally brushing her own against it. The contact sent sparks down her spine, almost like she had been suddenly struck by lightning. The friction burned her skin.

It suddenly became hard to breathe as she looked up and her eyes ended up meeting his.

The look in his eyes was intense. More intense than she had seen it in months. She hadn’t seen it like that since… His brown eyes looked like they were on fire. 

The only thing she heard was her heart pounding as she waited for him to close the gap between their lips…

…but before she had the time to do it herself, she realized that he had pulled away.

Gastón had pulled away from her.

***

Gastón hoped it didn’t look like he was hurrying to leave, as he watched Nina get out of the car. As soon as she had turned away and started walking into the museum, he backed away from the parking spot and down the road. 

Soon enough he found a small convenience store with an empty parking lot. He shut off the car and buried his head in his hands after parking the car. 

What was going on? What was he doing? 

He had thought he could handle himself with her… but it was getting impossible. He was IN LOVE with her. It was impossible to ignore those strong feelings and how they made him absolutely mad. 

He wanted to kiss her. Press her against the seat and make her feel everything he felt for her. Kiss her until she forgot her own name. 

They had gotten too close. It had been a centimeter away from happening. 

He took a couple of shaky breaths as he grabbled for his phone from his pocket and instinctively clicked on Matteo’s contact. 

The surge of feelings was so overwhelming, he almost felt like crying. Not that there was any shame in that, but he didn’t cry often. Honestly, only Matteo had seen him like that, outside of his parents. The few times he had cried, since being a child, most of them had been about Nina. How did that girl ever manage to get such a chokehold on him? Äh, he knew precisely how.

“Hey!” Matteo’s voice rang from his phone and Gastón turned the camera on, turning the call into a video call. “Are you okay?”

“No,” Gastón shook his head.

“I can see that.” Matteo continued, his voice growing concerned. “What’s going on?”

“I… just…” Gastón was trying to find the right words to describe the situation. 

“Let me guess, it starts with an N and ends with an ina?” Matteo started smirking. 

“This is not a joke, Matteo.”

“Okay… Tell me, what happened now?” Matteo’s voice turned serious again, “Start from the beginning.”

“Okay, Nina had to get to this museum, and I offered to drive her,”

“Aha, you gave her a ride…” Matteo repeated, for some reason getting amused.

“Yes, I did. I have a car and the public transportation is a nightmare,” Gastón continued, “That’s not the point. So, I drove and we got talking… actually had a really good talk… and when I dropped her off, we … we got kind of close, accidentally, and I… I… It took everything I had not to kiss her.” He finally blurted it out. 

“Well…” Matteo made a couple of faces, “So you didn't do it? But you wanted to?”

“Of course, I wanted to!”

“The fact that you are admitting it is so many steps to the right direction that I can’t even begin to tell you,” Matteo started smiling, “At this point, you should have just done it, finally ended this suffering for all of us, especially yourself.”

“Matteo, I couldn’t have done that,” Gastón shook his head, “I am not like you and Luna in your first skating competition.”

“Okay, okay, not my finest moment, I admit it,” Matteo raised his hands up in a sign of surrender, “But, this isn’t about that, or about me and Luna. This is about you and Nina.”

“She just wants to be friends with me.” Gastón ran his hand through his hair, “There is nothing I can do, but I can’t keep doing this.”

“You are certain that that is actually the case?” Matteo didn’t look that convinced. “Tell me something. Was she the one to pull away?”

“Uhm…” Gastón tried to rewind things in his head, “...No…I did.”

“So, you have no actual proof for that.” Matteo was smiling once again, “She doesn’t know what you want, so, of course, she wants just to be friends. You should know Nina better than anybody, hasn’t she always been afraid of rejection?”

Gastón just nodded. He did know Nina and that was exactly how she sometimes was. He had looked her in the eyes, and for a moment he had allowed himself to see the hope in her eyes.

“What if that's not the case?” he shook his head again, “We’re in a good place right now… I don’t want to lose her.”

“So, you just rather keep suffering while watching her from the distance?” Matteo raised his eyebrow at him, “Hermano, it is all or nothing right now. You want her, you are in love with her, it won’t go away.”

“It’s killing me,” Gastón admitted.

{}

I would not say that I am a writer who writes angst or slow burn very much, and honestly, I would not call this either of them, but I would love it if someone who has bee reading this just yelled "Come on!" when they didn't kiss. Patience my young padawans

[littleguy-bigstories]

Growing Desire (Part 2)

After taking pill that Axel insisted I take. We headed to the gym to put our new bodies to work. I’m still not sure if I really want this, but something in me won’t let me stop.

It’s chest and tri’s day. I have always enjoyed chest day because I’ve dreamed of having huge pecs. I guess that dream might actually come true. The more I pushed in the gym the more my thoughts started to shift.

“Nice push man! Keep going, feel your muscles pushing to grow. Come one! One more” Axel was trying to keep me pumped and it was working. With each push I could feel the desire start to take over. I wanted it. No. I NEEDED IT. I kept pushing until I look over at the clock and see that we’ve been here for…3 HOURS!! We had just finished the hardest workout either of us have ever done and now it was time to sit in the sauna.

“That was a great workout man, the best push I’ve ever had, and I feel like I can go again.” Axel said with enthusiasm. I could tell that he really meant it too. We showered and headed to the lockers. I got changed into clothes that we went shopping for earlier in the day since none of our clothes fit the same anymore. Once I’m done getting dressed, Axel hands me post workout protein.

“Here, drink up, we got a lot of recovery to do, so better keep that protein high.” He chuckles as he slaps my ass again.

“Haha, yeah, gonna get swole” I say jokingly.

We jump into my car and head to my place. It was getting late and we usually have dinner already. I guess that staying an extra hour really messed with the routine, but neither of us were mad about it. When we got to my place we ate and watched a couple episodes of a show we’re both binging. I usually don’t have people stay the night since I live with a few roommates, but after the night before we were both curious about what would happen. Also lucky for us my roommates all had separate plans out of town and they won’t be back for about a week. Axel slept in the bedroom next to mine that my roommate graciously let him sleep on when he’s not around.

That night I had the same dream as the nights before, but this time it was slightly different. Axel was with me the whole time, and he grew with me. When my sack began to tingle and cock began to grow, I look over and I see Axel his growing too. He couldn’t help himself and started to play with his growing tool. That’s when I realized that I had been doing the same the whole time. I continued to stroke gently as we grew, until I jolted awake.

With my eyes half open, I could feel the tightness in my underwear and there was no extra room to breath. I get up out of bed and go to the nearest mirror. Fuck!

I was huge!

I have never been more defined in my life. Muscles rippled all over my new body and I couldn’t stop admiring them. In a moment of clarity a thought came into my mind. I wonder how Axel is doing. Running out the bathroom, I go to the room where Axel is sleeping in. He wasn’t awake yet. I could tell from the sound of his snoring through the door. Even though I couldn’t see him I know he had to have grown from the deep breaths that he takes. My curiosity got the best of me because I needed to know what changed. I knocked gently to see if he would wake, but no response. With a deep breath I open the door.

There on the bed was a large muscular man that I couldn’t believe was my friend. As I continued to walk towards him I noticed that he was twitching and mumbling in his sleep. I didn’t make much of it until I heard him murmur what sounded like my name. He didn’t look like he gained as much muscle as I did, but he was definitely close. In that moment he rolls over, and to my surprise, he was at full mass. I have never seen anything as big as his tool before and from the look of it, it was still growing. Looking down at my own, I notice that it has definitely grown to a solid 12.5 inches and yet Axel’s was still growing. I continued to watch as he grew until he jolted awake like I did.

“Dude! What are you doing watching me sleep you creep!” He said groggily. “Woah! You got huge!”

In a matter of seconds from that realization, he sprang up from the bed and went to the mirror on the closet.

“Holy Shit! It worked!!”

“Right! I can’t believe it either.”

“Man you got huge!”

“Yeah, I don’t know how, we took the same amount”

“Haha! Uh…don’t be mad…I may have snuck a couple of extra capsules in your shake” Axel said hesitantly.

“What?!?!! I can’t believe you would do that! We have no idea what it can do and you just gave me more?!?!!”

“Hey I mean you’re looking great, and it all worked out okay…right? Hehe”

The more I looked at myself, all my frustration and anger went away. I did look great and I have always wanted to be strong. Then a thought flutter through my head…more.

“You’re right…it did”

“So, how about some breakfast and then gym?” Axel said trying to keep me from thinking more.

“Okay sure”

In the kitchen I prepare us some eggs, bacon, and some toast. We talk about our plans for the day and figure out what we’re going to be working on. Once we’re done I clean the kitchen and get ready for the day. There is one problem though. I don’t have any clothes that fit and the clothes from yesterday barely fit me now.

“Why don’t we go shopping real quick and get some clothes.”

“Sure and maybe we can pick up some posers too.” He says partially joking.

“Okay” I say straight forward.

“Who are you?!” Axel’s eyes grew big.

We laugh it off and head to the store to pick up what we need.

Up and down the aisle we went. Getting looks from every side of the room. Whispers can be heard from the people walking by in aw me or disgust. The only thing I could think of though was how I wanted more. I enjoyed the attention, the feeling of being ogled at. I wanted it all.

After getting clothes, we got back into the car and head straight to the gym.

“Hey, you got any more of those supplements? I think it worked better when we take it before we workout.”

“Oh yeah! I completely agree. Here” Axel handed him the supplement.

They both took them and went into the gym. They worked out like never before. Time flew by and before they noticed it was almost closing time. They went to the sauna to cool down.

“That was great man! I fucking love this stuff. I can go for hours.” I say as I sit back on the bench.

“I’m sure you can big guy.” Axel says with a wink.

We laugh a bit and jump in the shower for a quick rinse before heading out. When we get to my place we go about our usual routine of tv and dinner. Before we parted ways to our perspective bedrooms, I stop and ask Axel “can I have another one?”

Without a beat, he says “sure” and hands me the bottle. “Just don’t take two many we don’t know what might happen”

“Okay!” I take the bottle and take two more before I head to sleep. “You want another one?” I ask Axel.

“Nah I’m good, you have always been smaller than me so I might as well give you a head start with this one” he winks and goes to the room.

[j-graysonlibrary]

Heartbeats; Paradise XV

Title: Heartbeats; Paradise

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 112K

Genres: Psychological thriller, drama, sci-fi, LGBT+

Available on: Kobo and my website

Synopsis: Melvin Hardy and Kade Axel appear to be a match made in heaven. After a meet-cute in the rain, the two quickly find themselves in a burgeoning, wholesome relationship.

Yet, things feel…off. It isn’t the ghosts of their pasts that resurface to test the strength of their partnership—no—it’s something nebulous. Something indescribable. Melvin can’t put his finger on it but, the more time he spends with Kade, the more he starts to wonder what’s real and what’s pure fiction. 

XV:

It’s been days—even a week maybe—of constant killing and, while there have certainly been changes, we are still trapped. I’ve seen the same people be shot and hacked up on a daily basis but there is no exit in sight. Though the world no longer looks quite the same anymore.

On our daily trek, we pass by the same buildings as always but over half of them are drastically changed.

Where a brick and mortar shop stood before, there are now bright, luminescent grids and they flicker and glitch as we walk by. It’s especially jarring next to a lifelike building that we can enter and walk about like normal.

Kendra says the program is in its final throes but she’s also been saying that for the past three days. It’s definitely struggling to keep up with the amount of murder happening to its extra characters but it’s still holding together. A couple of times a day, every day, I see Kendra open up a panel in thin air and try to mess with the code to get us out.

But it’s never enough.

I’ve almost become jaded to the sight of people being chopped to pieces and children being executed with a bullet between the eyes but I still haven’t pulled the trigger myself. I’m sure everyone has noticed by now but no one has confronted me about it.

I have a feeling Oz has warned all of them not to.

Occasionally, he looks back at me and gives me a remorseful nod and I know he’s only doing so much extra work so I don’t have to. I really do appreciate it and it makes me feel all the worse that I’ve started to distance myself from him.

Each night I’ve had dreams of my old life and more details are filled into my memory. Some of them have been quite intimate and I chalk those up to the fact I haven’t been able to have sex with Oz since this mission began. My mind is making up for it with these dreams.

Images of my old life with Gavin are often what’s on my mind and I think less and less about who is around me and our desired futures. It’s as if there’s no room to imagine what might come after this as well as room to reminisce about my past.

I just can’t shake how much I miss my husband and son and all of our friends. I miss my old life—even more now that I know I won’t be able to return to it.

Sleeping next to Oz at night just doesn’t feel the same.

“How about now?” I hear Starla ask after she and her brother massacre the patrons of a small book store. She’s got some backsplash on her as well but it’s nowhere near as bad as Kade.

The siblings look over, expectantly, to Kendra. She pops open a panel in front of her face and fusses with it for a moment. Her brow furrows and I can already tell there’s bad news coming.

“Shit,” she curses and closes the screen. “Still not enough. I swear, it’s like we make progress but it resets overnight.”

“Then we don’t sleep and just keep at it,” Kade suggests as if that’s a real, viable solution.

“I need my beauty rest, Kaddie,” Nate responds, sounding more and more off kilter. I’ve noticed some of the repeating dialogue but, honestly, that’s not what’s most off putting to me. It’s his delivery. As if he’s not holding a gun in his hands, as if he’s not shooting down his fellow man.

“We do need some sleep,” Kendra agrees but I don’t miss her cutting her eyes at Nate.

“We just need to do more damage then,” Oz counters. He doesn’t look back at me but I feel the implication in his words.

I need to get over myself and start helping.

He won’t say that, of course, but he means it.

“Anyone want to hear my suggestion?” Starla asks as she holsters her gun. We all turn toward her, giving her silent permission to continue. “I found an interesting book while we were in the shop.”

“A book?” Kendra raises an eyebrow.

She pulls out a small manual from the back of her pants where, I guess, she tucked it into her waistband. It’s a simple looking book and I walk closer to see that it’s titled: Home Made Explosives.

“That was just in there?” Oz asks what’s on my mind.

Starla shrugs. “I thought we might be able to use it. On the buildings that stubbornly hang on, we could plant explosives and take them out. That should destabilize things a lot, right?”

We all glance to Kendra for an answer. She rubs her lips in thought and pauses for a little longer than any of us are comfortable with.

“Well?” Kade urges.

“I’m not sure,” she replies with a little frustration clear in her voice, “In theory, yeah, it’ll be effective but there’s a lot to consider. Like if we’ll have the materials to make the bombs, if we’ll even make them correctly, and then if it actually will be enough.”

“It’s better than just doing the same thing every day, right?” Oz sounds like he’s already on board.

“I don’t know,” I say and step closer to Kendra, “What if we make them wrong and we kill ourselves in the process?”

“We’ll come back, duh,” Kade retorts.

“…That’s not really my point.”

He seems completely unfazed by the possibility of being blown to bits. Sure we might reanimate but does he think it won’t hurt as well? I know for a fact that the pain is still very real even if the wound isn’t.

I’d very much like to not be blown up.

“Kendra,” Starla continues, “To your first point, can’t you import assets into the world? You did so a few times with some of the stuff in the rec center, right?”

“Yeah but…it’s all stuff that was already uploaded to the hub. I’m not sure Anika fixed this place up with C4, you know?” Kendra dryly laughs.

“There are ways to make bombs with household objects though,” Starla presses as she flips open the book. “See? I bet all of this stuff is in a grocery store.”

Kendra leans over to read and I worry that I’ll be, again, the only one not on board. Her eyes glide over the page and she starts to nod.

Damn it.

“This could work…”

“Really?” I can’t hold it back. “Can you be sure we won’t be caught up in the blast?”

“If we can detonate them remotely then we can move to a safe distance first,” Kendra states as if she’s now some explosives expert after reading a single page in a single book.

I can’t believe I’m the only one against this. I fold my arms across my chest as they discuss where we need to go to get all the materials.

The group breaks up to go gather supplies and I stay put, not having been given an assignment and also not wanting to go anywhere. I suspect I’ll be left alone but Oz stays behind while everyone else leaves.

I glance up at him as he approaches me. A look of concern is prominent but I see some other emotions laced within. The worrier in me suspects one might be frustration at my stubbornness.

“Melvin…”

“I know it’s probably our best chance, I just don’t like the risk,” I say before he can reprimand me.

He sighs and places his hands on my shoulders. As he comes even closer, I find myself holding my breath—up until the point where he rests our foreheads together.

“It is very dangerous,” Oz whispers and begins to rub my shoulders, softly massaging. “I completely understand why you’re not into the idea. Truly.”

“But it’s the only way?” I meet his eyes and find some exasperation in the deep brown irises. 

“It might be. I can’t say for sure. None of us really knows what we’re doing right now. No one has all the answers…” He rubs our heads together, nuzzling against me. Our noses brush together. “I’ve been trying so hard these past few days. Every night…I try to remember.”

“…Remember?” I repeat, puzzled.

He lets out a breathy laugh but he doesn’t seem all too amused. In fact, that exasperation and frustration I noticed from before is back in force. “I…I want to remember like you do. I want to remember being with you in our past life but no matter how hard I try, I get nothing.” He sighs. “I’m sorry.”

My heart aches and I feel terrible for both of us. I couldn’t have guessed he was straining himself so hard to try to remember his past. It has to be especially troubling with how easy it is for me. I don’t try at all—it just happens.

But as much as I’m touched by Oswald’s dedication to this, I can’t keep my feelings inside any longer. They’ve been growing and mutating lately and now, especially knowing this, I can’t hide them from him.

My vision blurs and I feel my throat get hot. I don’t really want to, but I have to.

“Oz…” I swallow hard. “I’m…I’m not as sure you were my husband anymore.”

I avoid looking at him because I’m afraid to see the hurt in his eyes. His hands stop massaging me and he puts some distance between us.

He’s mad—I can feel it. How could he not be?

It’s painful but I meet his gaze again and my heart drops into my stomach. He’s not crying but I can see the tears rising in the corners of his eyes.

“You don’t think so?” he whispers.

“I…” My voice catches and I have to clear my throat. “I still care about you, Oz but…the feelings I have in those dreams are starting to point to a different answer. I’ve had a lot of dreams and the more I have the more sure I get.”

“So…we probably never knew each other?” The crack in his voice is like a knife in my heart. 

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly, “And I do love you. I wouldn’t have survived this mess if not for you. I owe you…so…so much. I don’t want to imagine being here without you which is why I had to tell you. I had to be honest. You deserve honesty.”

Oz looks away from me and nods, just enough to count. Maybe he’s not mad but he is undoubtedly upset. “Right…” I watch his adam’s apple bob as he gulps. “I can’t deny that I had hoped we were married but…at least now I know who I wasn’t.”

“…Oz,” I say and reach out to him.

He catches my hand, squeezes it, and releases it. “Thanks for telling me, Melvin.”

There’s too much on my mind and I still don’t love the idea of blowing up the city but I’m in no position to argue. I feel as though I’ve isolated myself from everyone and I definitely have no authority over the group to suggest an alternate path. I also don’t have other ideas in the first place.

I just sit and watch as Kendra, Starla, and Kade get to work on the bombs. They’re simple to make, according to Starla, and Oz quickly joins them. Nate is told to stay put elsewhere since Kendra doesn’t fully trust him and I keep to myself for my own reasons.

As they do all the heavy lifting, I spend the time feeling sorry for myself. Productive, I know. I hug my knees and wonder what Gavin would be doing if he were here.

Probably helping make and plant explosives though I’m sure he’d be actively complaining the entire time. He’d also probably heavily insist I stay back—just in case something goes wrong.

I realize I’d be more worried if Gavin was involved. I’d want to help more and that revelation makes me sick to my stomach.

Am I really so indifferent to my current companions?

I don’t think that I am but are my current actions not proof enough?

I close my eyes to keep the tears from coming. Everyone is working so hard to get us out of here yet all I can do is sit by myself and cry about it? I’ve never been angrier with myself but I still can’t force my body to move.

And, by the time I do manage to stand up, they’re all done.

Kendra directs us to the top of the hill in town and, with some degree of confidence, she looks between us. “Alright…I’m going to blow the charges and, hopefully, the system will break.”

“We’re definitely out of the blast radius?” Oz asks, sounding like he’s asked about a hundred times now.

“Yes,” she responds, “We’re absolutely far enough away.”

“Even factoring in shrapnel, we’re so far uphill, it won’t reach us,” Starla adds.

“Right.” Kendra nods then glances at each of us one last time. “Everyone ready?”

Everyone gives an affirmative nod and I, finally, nod with them. I’m scared—absolutely terrified—but I know this might be our only chance. I can’t hold everyone else back because of my concerns.

Kendra takes a deep breath before she pushes the detonator.

I flinch prematurely and watch the world below us as bright orange and smoky gray emerges from the buildings. Like a line of dominos, the explosions happen in turn as they grow ever closer to us.

Instinctively, I step away and raise my hand over my eyes.

But the explosions stop before they can trigger up the hill and, instead, spread back and to each side of the road—to the east and west. I can’t believe how many charges they must have made for this to still be going on.

The ground starts to shake and I’m nearly knocked off balance. Oz reaches out to stabilize me and I don’t have time to thank him before my eyes are drawn to the disturbance in the sky.

Dark lines shoot out from the point directly ahead of us. Clouds start to shake and break apart into pixels while the blue of the sky falls, piece by piece, like a breaking puzzle. A dark abyss is revealed behind the sky and Kendra shouts in excitement, letting me know this is what success apparently looks like.

“Run!” she cries out, “Run toward the exit!”

No one thinks twice—not even I do—and we take off down the hill. The earth still trembles under us and fire rages on either side of the road but I don’t take my eyes off of the black, gaping hole in front of us. The scenery around the hole becomes blurry and begins to hiss and crackle.

There’s a chance that passing through will hurt but Oz throws his hand out to grab mine and I’m not as afraid anymore.

We exit last and I suck in a harsh, fresh breath—a breath free of that world.

But a bright light switching on all at once makes me close my eyes and wince. I’m sure everyone else is caught off guard since I hear some disgruntled groans and even a yell from Starla.

“What the hell?” Kade mutters.

I force open my eyes though the intense white is quite uncomfortable. We’re in a new area—that much I can tell—but I can’t begin to guess where that is. I find Kendra and watch her, waiting for some explanation.

If anyone knows anything, it’s her.

“Everyone, stay close,” Kendra demands and we all, wordlessly, shuffle toward her.

As I step behind her, I see a figure across the way. Whoever it is, they’re approaching us and Kendra’s tense stance tells me that she’s a threat.

The white light of the room glows off of this woman’s skin making her look even paler. Her long, light brown hair follows behind her like the train on a dress and she wears all light colors, giving off an air of softness and innocence. Her eyes are the same color as Kade’s and her thin lips are painted pink.

“Hello,” she says, her voice matching her appearance to a T, “What brings you all here?”

[objection-argumentative]

Ruined Sunday

Axel- 3

Mateo- Is due soon

Gabriel- Is due soon

Isla- N/A

It was a perfect family day out. Your son Axel wanted to learn how to ride his bike, and your husband Rafael Barba was determined to teach him. It was a surprise to see the shark of the courtroom be a family man, but nothing brought Rafael more joy than his family. He knew that his son had him wrapped around his little finger as soon as he clapped eyes on him three years ago in the delivery suite.

The three of you had set up space on the grass with a blanket near the pavement in central park. As soon as you were settled, Rafael and axel grabbed the bike with his helmet and moved onto the pavement. You dug out your book from your purse and laid back.

"Mommy, Mommy, look, I'm riding my bike", a little boy cheered in the distance. You looked up from your book to see your son riding his bike around a patch of grass and Rafael chasing after him making sure he doesn't fall off. "Good job, buddy", you encouraged your son as he peddled around the green. You lay back down on the grass with your book in hand. Just as you could feel your eyes start to get heavy, you feel a kiss being planted on your neck from behind.

"Hey, baby, Axel is having lunch next to you. How are you feeling?" Rafael purred into your ear. "Huge Rafi, I'm eight and half months pregnant with twin boys, They need to get out of me", your husband of 6 years chuckled at you and placed his hands on your stomach. "Ay, Carino, It will all be worth it soon. Then, finally, we will have two little boys to welcome into our family."  You swear you can see tears in his eyes. "Yeah, your right Rafi. When Mateo and Gabriel get here, it will be another blessing. I feel like I've eaten a watermelon whole, that's all." you sulked to your husband. "Maybe our first blessing would like a sleepover at his Abuela's house, Because I know some quick-fire ways to kick start labour, and it involves us being naked," he smirked at you cockly.

"Mommy sleepover?" Axel bounces over to you full of excitement and glee "I will call Abuela and ask for you baby," you rubbed your son back as he cuddled into you and Rafael. You spend a couple of more hours in the park playing catch with Axel and Rafael. You start to pack up your stuff when your phone starts ringing. Both your son and your husband give you sad puppy dog eyes. You hate that your phone disturbed your family time. You didn't know what was worse, that you would have to go to work on a late Sunday afternoon, or the fact you have to pretend that you and your husband were just colleagues and nothing more.

Seven years ago, You were a very young homicide detective when you and Rafi met at the courthouse. You exchanged numbers when he worked a case with you. The late nights of trial prep and early mornings of trying to crack a case led to the pair of you dating in secret, only telling close family, IAB and Jack Mccoy. it was a whirlwind romance, You met when you were 19, and he was 34, the age gap didn't bother you nor him. After six months of dating,  the pair of you had a city break away to vegas and got married in an intimate ceremony. Both families weren't happy about the wedding, but you and Rafael couldn't be happier. You then were loaned out to Manhattan SVU for one case as it was a perp from one of your cases that got away with murder, had escalated to rape and murder. After the case, you went back to homicide for a few years until two years ago when you transferred over. Rafael moved from Brooklyn SVU to Manhattan SVU two weeks after you joining SVU, and you have been a secret ever since.

"Y/L/N, Yes, Liv, I will drop Axel off at his babysitter's. I don't mind calling Barba and telling him. He can give me a ride anyway. We will both be there ASAP. Yeah, see you soon. Bye, Liv." You turn to Rafael, but he is already on the phone with his mother arranging childcare for your son.

Rafael scooped up Axel in one arm and his bike in the other while you carried the backpack with the blanket and remaining food into the car. "I told Mami we'd been called into work. She is more than happy to babysit Axel. So I said we would pick her up on the way home, and he can stay in his own bed tonight." "Thank you, Rafi. I told Liv we would meet her up at Green Haven." he looked at you, confused. "What's at Green Haven?" "Yates and Rudnick have escaped and are on the run together. We need to question the staff and the inmates in Green Haven." Suddenly Rafael demeanour changed. He went from a happy, carefree family man to an uptight lawyer. When Rafael pulled up at his mothers, she was waiting for him outside with her suitcase packed. Rafael got out of the SUV, greeted his mother and put her luggage in the car's trunk.

"Abuela guess what? I rode my bike in the park today. daddy helped me, and we went really fast." Axel shouted happily to Lucia. "Good job, amigo", she laughed at her grandson, getting excited. Soon you pulled outside of your apartment building. You grabbed your son out of the car, and Rafael grabbed everything else. Lucia opened the doors for you and Rafael. Lucia sorted out the bags, and Axel as the pair of you got changed into your work outfits.

When you and Rafael came out of your shared bedroom, you were both in suits, and you had your gun badge attached to your hip. You looked over to the dining room table. Your son was colouring in with crayons, and Lucia was cooking in the kitchen with some music on low. You kneel in front of Axel, and he faces you, " Me and daddy are going to work now, Baby. We will see you tomorrow," your son cuddles you, and you kiss him on the cheek when he pulls away. As you get up, Rafael kneels down to say his goodbye.  You gather your things as Rafael puts his shoes on at the door. You say your goodbyes to Lucia. As you leave, you hear Axel shout, "I love you".  Both you and your husband call back, "I Love you too, be good for Abuela, "  as you shut your apartment door.

You both get back into the car and head towards the freeway, "I Love you Y/N" Rafael grabbed your hand as he drove and kissed the back of it, not taking his eyes off the road. " I love you too, Rafi," you smile back at him.

[if-whats-new]

What's New In IF? Issue 14 (2024)

By Erika, Marjorie, Axelle, and Noi

Now Available!

Itch.io. - Keep Reading below

Want to learn a neat fun fact? Check out the itch.io version ;)

~ EDITORIAL ~

Back on Track…

After a tumultuous early summer, where we had to restrict the amount of content included in the zine, we are officially back on track! ~ see the brand new editorial we have ~

From this week onward, you will see the return of Highlight on… : our section where we bring some hidden gems of games and sent titles you recommended. If you haven't filled our form yet, we really encourage you to do so!

We love to learn about games, especially what people liked about them, and share them along with all of you!

As we have somehow managed for the past three months (already!), we will continue to do our best to report on IF news, and hope help you all discover new IF sights along the way!

Thank you all for the kind messages, and all the support you have given us so far.

It really means a lot to us that you put your trust in this silly project!

ERIKA, MARJORIE, AXELLE, AND NOI

~ ANNOUNCEMENT ~

BECAUSE WE ARE MAKING SOME CHANGES…

If you follow us on here, you may have seen recent announcements about changes happening with the zine. For a while now, we have been wanting to include more original content, like short essays, longer-form reviews, and interviews (see the final page wink wink).

As such, we will be opening our email to anyone who would like to participate in this new endeavors. If you have a neat idea for a one-page essay, want to deep-dive into a game and review it, or have questions for IF person of note, contact us!

What's New in IF? is expanding! Be part of the movement! Submit!

~ ADDENDUM ~

BECAUSE WE MADE SOME ERRORS LAST WEEK

The game mentioned as Appt 102 is actually Apt 502. Apologies to @apt502-if

The player description for Heavy Is The Crown should have indicated royalty, not prince. Apologies to @heavyisthecrown-if

~ EVENT SPOTLIGHT : IFCOMP ~

The IF Superbowl

The Interactive Fiction Competition (or IFComp) is one of the major yearly IF events, since 1995. It may be even the longest still-recurring yearly game making event!

Started by Kevin Wilson in the IF Usenet Forum rec.arts.int-fiction, submitted games were limited to 2h playtime before being judged and ranked by players.

Throughout the years, the IFComp evolved, seeing a couple dozens of parser entries to a wide and diverse range of IF forms. Still, after ballooning during Covid, with recurring 70+ entries, the event continues to be a key avenue for IF creation.

Participating in the IFComp requires signing up ahead of time, by submitting an intent before July 31st. Completed games must be uploaded before August 28th.

Follows a month and a half voting period, where both players and authors can rate entries (a minimum of 5). If participants rank high enough, they are eligible for a piece of the Colossal Fund pie and prizes!

The IFComp committee is looking for prizes, both physical and digital, as well as donations to the CF!

~ ENDED ~

Almost 200 entries were submitted to the O2A2 Jam! If you are looking for some tiny Visual Novels, check them out!

Only a couple of visual novels were fixed and submitted for Fix the Worst Visual Novels (Jam). Come cheer on the hardworking fixers!

~ ONGOING (VOTING) ~

The 17 entries of the ParserComp are ready to be played and judged! Until the end of July, you can cast your votes!

~ ONGOING (SUBMITTING) ~

Only this weekend left to submit something to the Anti-Romance Jam!

Do you understand or write Ukrainian? Until the end of the year, the Ukrainian IF Festival is happening on itch.io! If Visual Novels are more your style, this jam ends in just a week!

Looking to check out a new IF program? The Decker Fantasy Camp is in full swing! A bit more than two weeks to mess around with the program and create something with Decker!

Did you submit an intent to the IntroComp? The deadline to submit your prototype is coming up! Don't forget, on July 31st!

For the francophones, the French IF community is organizing a summer-long camp to create parsers. Join the Confiture de Parser if you're interested!

Until the end of July, a chill IF (text-only) game jam is happening on itch, from the Interactive Fiction Club.

Ending in about a month, is the summer-long unranked SuNoFes Jam (Summer Novel Festival), where you can only submit one IF/VN game!

If it is mechanical restrictions you are looking for, then the Single Choice Jam might be for you. Until mid-August, you can only have one choice! @neointeractives

~ OTHER ~

Over on the IntFiction Forum, the Review-a-thon is continuing its initiative to get more reviews for games. Check out this post by Tabitha if you want to participate! This is also a sponsored event, aiming to raise funds for one of the Forum members.

The Interactive Fiction Showcase is still running! If you have completed an IF piece this year, consider submitting it! It is happening only on itch!

~ NEW RELEASE ~

Ocean Red (Twine) is a dark surreal game with a nautical setting and body horror. @paletteheart

Fluid Worlds (Custom) is an experimental piece about the nature of the world and humanity's need to change it.

Help! I Think I'm In Love With My Best Friend! (Twine) is a cozy little game about coming out and accepting yourself. @txt-frog

These Thieving Hearts (CScript) is the new Heart's Choice release. @heartschoicegames

La Noche del Ensayo (Inform) is a mystery text- adventure, where you must ensure a murder doesn't take place.

Biegnij/Run (TyranoBuilder) is a short visual novel about connections and relations.

time is but the drawing of a sword (Twine) is a small pixel-art illustrated visual novel about alienation and the passage of time.

marquis cut (Bitsy) is a short kinetic piece about trauma. @thesophiades

The Mother Deer (Twine) is short interactive fiction game based on traditional folk tales from Kyrgyzstan.

consumption (Twine) is a short game about contemplations before death.

SUNDOWN (Twine) is a tiny sci-fi adventure where you play as a star with a very important quest.

As always, don't forget to check out the submitted entries to the events mentioned in the previous pages. They deserve some love too!

~ NEW RELEASE (WIP) ~

Crystals of Aequarin (Twine) is a modern fantasy project set around a murder mystery. @crystalsofaequarin

Lies & Legalities (CScript) is a legal fiction project, where you incarnate a lawyer who can always tell who is lying.

Blue Shades (CScript) is a superhero-focused project, in which you play an ex-super tuned rogue and looking for revenge.

Operation: Wrath (CScript) is a sci-fi alternative universe project, where you lead an intelligence team investigating misuse of powers.

CyberHaven (CScript) is a cyberpunk-inspired project where you embody a detective.

The King’s Veins (CScript) is low fantasy project set in post-apocalyptic medieval era.

~ GAMES UPDATES ~

Confluence (Ren’Py) is now available in both English and Japanese. @forsythiaproductions

Such Happy Campers (CScript) added Chapter 5 to the demo and fixes. @girlfromthecrypt

Shattered Eagles (CScript) updated the demo by adding Chapter 4. @shattered-eagle

Ripples of Blood (CScript) includes extra content in the demo. @livdboba

Crown of Exile (Twine) added part of Chapter 10 to the Patreon demo. @ramonag-if

One Knight Stand (CScript) updated the Patreon demo to include Chapter 2-3. The demo is also now available on itch.io. @oneknightstand-if

The Harbinger (Twine) completed its move to Twine, with the Episode 2 update. @ourlittleaphrodite

Dawn of Heroes (CScript)'s demo now includes Chapter 25.

Echoes of the Kingdom (CScript) added some extra scenes to the demo.

The Game of War (CScript) has updated the demo with extra content.

Dance of the Night (CScript) added 10k more words to the demo.

~ OTHER ~

For Twine authors, another update is on its way, as SugarCube has upgraded to 2.37! For more info, check out this post!

Released every two weeks, the Amare Fortnightly Bulletin is once again available! Check it out here! @amaregames

The author of Ordinor Ultor (Twine) was recently interviewed about their game. @ordinorultor-if

Over on the IntFiction Forum, user mathbrush completed the History of the IFComp, where he looks back on past winners, influential games and authors, and continued his exploration of XYZZY winners: Superluminal Vagrant Twin, The Wizard Sniffer, and Bogeyman.

~

As always, we apologize in advance for missing any update or release from the past week. We are only volunteers using their limited free time to find as much as we can - but sometimes things pass through the cracks.

If you think something should have been included in this week's zine but did not appear, please shoot us a message! We'll do our best to add it next week! And if you know oncoming news, add it here!

~ HIGHLIGHT ON... ~

A couple of games that we thought were cool. an IF Comp highlight lol (we swear it wasn't planned!)

Turandot by Victor Gijsbers (CScript - IFDB)

An erotic parodic retelling of Puccini's opera with twists and turns, made possible thanks to excellent writing. Though a bit crass a times, it is very fun to play. One of the best non-commercial CScript game out there! recommended by Marjorie [Team]

Emily is Away by Kyle Seeley (Unity - itch.io - VNDB - IFDB)

Withdrawn from the IFComp in 2015, the game is a classic in communication sims, nostalgic of now-unused AIM chats. Spanning 5 years in college, you get to choose how your relationship with Emily evolves. recommended by Erika [Team]

According to Cain by Jim Nelson (TADS2 - itch.io - IFDB)

The critically acclaimed IF Comp entry of 2022, about the tale of Abel an Cain, and the first ever murder that changed everything. It has great puzzles and impeccable writing. An instant parser classic! Read the interview - Walkthrough

recommended by Axelle [Team]

Your favourite game here?

Do you have a favourite game that deserve some highlighting? A old or recent game that wowed you so much you spam it to everyone? Tell us about it! And it might appear here!

~ FROM OUR READERS ~

WE LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU ALL! WETHER IT'S GOOD OR BAD, OR EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN…

Hi What's New IF Team! Thank you so much for all your hard work with the zine! Thanks to all your efforts, I've been able to put in my favorites so many cool projects! You're doing such a good job! - Kyle

Um… I just wanted to congratulate Axelle on their exams, and thank them for introducing me to parser games. It's like a whole new world of fun and puzzle opened up! - anonymous

I am so so glad you guys are still doing the zine and keeping it all up no matter what! I've been reading What's New in IF religiously every single week since you guys launched and I couldn't imagine not spending a Saturday without it! - clawiffromme

Excited to see the zine's new direction! This project has in my eyes, a huge potential, and I'm really looking forward to see what you do with it… - InteractiveIntens

Can I just give a shout out to the author of Apt 502? Because that update had me ON MY KNEES! So obsessed with this WIP! (also thanks team for introducing me to it!) - anonymous

It's impressive you're still here. I didn't expect the zine to be going on for this long considering what it must take to make it every week. - anonymous

THANK YOU ALL!

Have something to say? Send us an ask on Tumblr entitled: Zine Letter!

~ FINAL THANKS ~

Before we end this issue, we would like to thank:

@chinchinashi, clawiffromme, InteractiveIntens, Kyle, nexthypertext, and a bunch of you anonymous helpers!

Sent news, helpful tips, cool links, filled form, written Sheet line, even emails… all these help us so much to make this Zine possible!

To the wonderful users who sent us cool recommendations, thank you! We will do our best to include them in the next issues!

And as always, huge thanks to all you readers to liked, shared, and commented on last week's issue! What might be tiny actions are huge support and motivators to us! Thank you for cheering us on this journey!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As final parting words, we would like to hint at a major addition a future issue:

IF enthusiast, software builder, and game creator Joey Tanden will be answering all your questions!

Want to know more about their work? How they came into IF? Or their game dev experiences? Send us all your burning questions!

And see you again next week!

ERIKA, MARJORIE, AXELLE, AND NOI

WHAT'S NEW IN IF? 2024-ISSUE 14

[shiversdownyerspine]

13. Affecting

Soon...kisses. Lip locking. SOON.

A couple of weeks pass after the reveal of your 2nd Phase and the acceptance of your request. And during that time the brothers make good on the agreement; they touch you, hands stroking your upper arm in greeting, lazily sweeping up and down your back, or simply resting a warm palm at your lower back when you linger a little too long in one spot.

With each passing day it gets harder and harder not to notice the sensual subtleties, not to mention the kisses don't stop either, lips pressing to cheek and shoulder and temple and forehead.

If you're in the kitchen baking, Axel will often be at your side. Whether sitting at the table or leaning back against the counter with cookbook in hand, you very much appreciate his quiet company and often return the favor when he cooks. The two of you have taken to discussing recipes and one day as you are busy preparing some chocolate croissants, he describes one familiar to him; Pirog, a baked good with savory filling.

The croissants were nearly ready for the oven, all that was left was one final pastry to prepare. Rolling the dough nice and tight to enclose the chocolate within, you muse aloud, "I've never made Pirog before, wonder what sort of filling would be good..."

The eldest brother takes a moment to consider before listing several, but according to him, "Fish is the best choice."

With a straight face you insist beef would be the better option, far more superior. And with little warning his heat was seeping into your back as his hands braced on the kitchen counter, arms either side of your body. Heartbeat quickening and ears reddening, you fumble with the pastry in your hands as he challenges your claim with a playful, "Is that so?"

Understandably a bit flustered, it takes you a second to successfully retort, "It would absolutely taste better, you just don't want to admit it."

Who knows, maybe you can goad Axel into making them.

The lighthearted bickering bounces back and forth until the warmth of his breath ghosts the shell of your ear. You hold strong, determined not to break but the brush of lips to your ear nearly makes you squeal.

The sound of the oven finishing its preheat cycle saves your skin.

Axel lifts the tray as his other hand leaves the curve of the counter to casually stroke up and down your side before he moves from you to pop the pastries in the oven. Immediately your hand is up and rubbing your sensitive ear, cursing the way it tingles. Taking a steadying breath, you still stumble over your own two feet as you go to grab up the mixing bowl and utensils for a good scrubbing.

Oscar sneaks up behind you like always, but he's started tugging you into him. The first few times his arms curl low around your belly and your back meets his chest, you're a bit tongue tied and bashful. But you don't want him to stop and it isn't long before you start leaning back into his hold. It becomes a part of his sneak routine and eventually it's not as startling as it used to be. It still has a high chance of pulling a gasp from you though, which you are highly suspecting he likes.

Sometimes when you're sitting on the sofa reading or watching television, the youngest brother would plop himself down on the carpet next to you. Curious you had considered asking if he wanted to join you on the furniture, but in the end decided not to. You figured if he wanted to, then he would. No need to ruin harmless fun.

And in the name of harmless fun, every now and then you would lightly nudge him with your leg, eyes riveted to your book and unmoving each time Oscar looks at you. It doesn't take long for him to wrap his arm around the offending leg, and satisfied with his capture, he'd lean his head back against the sofa cushion and rest his eyes. You do it again and again until eventually, he just starts automatically wrapping an arm around your leg whenever he sits with you.

Once while feeling mischievous, you had grabbed up a throw pillow as the urge to smack the catnapping man with it grew too tempting. The gentle pressure of a hand squeezing just above your knee had you glancing back with wide eyes to see him very much awake and watching you. The intensity of his gaze, the fixation, brought about this feeling. It was the same one you had when you'd sprayed Axel with the garden hose. You were once again on the verge of biting off more than you could chew.

Innocently you placed the pillow on your lap, using it to prop the book up a little higher. He gave you a suspicious squint before settling back down, leaning in and pressing his mouth to your leg with a smirk. It almost felt like he was daring you to do it, just to see what would happen.

Otto also likes to join you when you're on the sofa. One evening the large man brought out a small sewing kit and one of his shirts. Apparently he's the one that patches up all of their clothes when the need arises. He doesn't like throwing things out when they just need a little care.

Appreciating his resourcefulness, you mention that you'd tried your hand at patching up your own clothes in the past but you didn't quite have the patience for it and gave up fairly quickly. Subsequently, your request to watch actually had little to do with learning the skill and more with wanting to see how dexterous his hands are.

Otto shifts position so you could see better as you scoot in close. He works deftly with needle and thread, your eyes following the practiced motion of his fingers. As he tends to the stitches, he talks. His voice is a pleasant murmur as he explains that his brothers, much like you, haven't much patience for the skill either. They can do a little in a pinch but they wouldn't enjoy it.

You cheekily comment how easy it is to imagine the two; Axel scowling as he focuses on accomplishing the task as quickly as possible, tidy stitching be damned. Or Oscar's frustration growing, fit to burst as he pricks his finger for the umpteenth time. The descriptions tickle his funny bone, his smile growing until teeth glint and eyes crinkle. Shoulder to shoulder and knee to knee, you lean into Otto's side as the conversation eventually lulls into a comfortable silence, his warmth pulling you into a light doze.

Within a few more minutes the holes have been properly mended and the mender rubs his thumb over the line of stitches, content. When the tallest Swede softly calls your name, your response is a mumble, more of a sound than actual words. There's no other movement from you so he takes the chance to press a light kiss to your head, breathing in a whiff of your hair as he lets you nap and considers joining you.

Towards the end of the week as you're making a grocery list for a trip to the market, the Commission finally contacts the Swedes. Tapping the pen against your bottom lip, you and Axel contemplate your list of goods on the table below you, "Milk, eggs, bread..let's see...seasoning! How much black pepper do we have left?"

Axel inspects your spice rack with a critical eye, "...Won't last long, a week at most. Maybe."

The eldest Swede places the pepper back in its place before lifting a little corked jar beside it, "Cinnamon too."

As you are adding the crucial items while Otto alerts you to your pantry's dwindling supply of flour, the unexpected clatter inside your cabinet draws attention. Oscar retrieves the canister, rolling it down the kitchen counter to his brother before walking to you. With a grin he scoots you into Axel as he squeezes in on your other side, pressing his arm at your back to trap you between them.

Cheeks pink you toss a look at Oscar who is busy peering past you at the paper being examined by his older brother...but he isn't too busy to let his hand playfully squeeze your side apparently. Otto joins the three of you as Axel tilts the paper towards you for you to see as well, the message short and to the point. It reveals the usual; the date, the target, the co-ordinates, and the rendezvous point.

"So the access point is...the abandoned bus stop beside the forest? I forgot that little shack was still standing."

Otto nods, "We know it."

You respond, mildly surprised and a touch remorseful, "Oh, Commission dropped you all off down there? If I had known I would have gone out to meet you three when you first arrived."

Axel grunts, "Wasn't a far walk."

Smiling you nudge him with your hip, "Well, I hope it was a pleasant one."

Turning your attention back to your shopping list you reassure the three, "Alright I can finish up with this if you all want to start preparing for your mission, I figure you'd want to get to it. I don't have any deadlines to worry about for my work, but I doubt that's the same for you three."

The youngest Swede pouts, "You don't want to help? With guns?"

And just like that you're on edge, frowning as your body stiffens. Your silence lasts just a little too long.

"...That's..not my area of expertise."

Axel grimaces, peering at you closely, "Never learned? For protection?"

Remembering that the grocery list is in your hands, you restrain yourself from clenching them and crumpling it, "I already have a way to protect myself."

"You want to hide. A gun will give you another way to protect secret."

He has a point. A good point. Regardless you can't imagine holding a gun let alone firing one without your hands shaking like a leaf in a storm. You just can't. So, you try to compromise, "Maybe I could use one in the future. The far, far future."

Glowering at the table, Otto tries to recall a previous conversation. An old memory, a desperate kill..bullets and blood. Ah. You'd been shot, possibly repeatedly? The tallest Swede shares his conclusion, "You're afraid of guns."

With a sigh you shortly acknowledge it, "I have my reasons. Anyway, caring for your firearms is going to have to be solely your responsibility. Sorry to disappoint."

Lifting your grocery list up you consider any missing items you may have forgotten. Something is nipping at the back of your mind, something that had popped into your head after Oscar had gotten chased out into the garden by Otto and the two roughed each other up...Oh! Your eyes drift up to Axel.

"...How often do you three get injured? Or...smack each other around? Actually don't answer that, I'm going to go ahead and add some first aid on here."

You scribble it down, look at the scars on the two older brother's faces, and firmly circle it.

Yeah, that's going to be a priority.

[pvccblog]

A GREAT FIT

It is safe to say that God brought us to a place that is a good fit for our team! We have felt so welcome, and we have had some great opportunities already. Connections have been made and our prayer is that they will continue to grow as the week moves on. Will you pray along with us? Yes........I MEAN YOU!!

We got to the park this morning to set up for camp and I had to run down the street to get some ice. When I left, no campers had arrived yet. When I came back, the area was packed with kids getting signed up. We ended up with 17 campers! They all had a blast! They had energy right off the bat and really enjoyed their time. After camp was over, the kids were smiling and hugging us and asking when we'd see them again. It was amazing.

The other blessing about camp today was that a bunch of the moms and grandmothers hung out and watched the kids play and had some great fellowship with each other. A few dads were in and out too. Pastor Fred stuck around and it was cool to see that he is well respected here and loves to connect.

We also received a great surprise visit as Sports Camp was wrapping up. Pastor Joe and Jenny Murrell stopped by! They were on their way to see their son Josh and his family in Salem and Jenny texted me while they were in the road. I told her the name of the park and they showed up about 45 minutes later. It was a great visit, we love them so much!

I've also noticed there's actually a pretty cool network going on here between some of the churches in the area. The events we're doing this week are in a neighboring town of Azalea called Glendale. There are a couple churches in Glendale that Pastor Fred knows pretty well. He's been plugging our events to these other churches. Fred mentioned that he desires what is best for the Kingdom of God this week, and that may not mean that everyone we come into contact with will end up going to Azalea Community Church. He picked Glendale Park because it was a central location with a lot of kids and teens. It is also a town with great need for the gospel. It's great to see that kind of unity in God's people from different congregations!

BARF Night was also amazing and full of energy tonight! The pastor and youth pastor from the Baptist Church in Glendale showed up tonight with their families and it was obvious that they are connected to the local teens. We did a little canvassing before our event and a few guys we passed out fliers to ended up coming.

The games were great and pretty intense at times - in a good way. We also had a few little kids that we had to dodge while playing. We aren't really strict on the ages for Mission Venture BARF Nights and it can get a little scary when the older kids are flying all over the place. Please pray for safety!

I'm not sure how many showed up to BARF but it was probably about as many as came to Sports Camp. One teen said that he is going to invite his whole track team tomorrow. A couple others said they will spread the word too! We're looking forward to a bigger crowd tomorrow.

My lovely daughter Ellie shared her testimony tonight and she did an excellent job. It's crazy to think that she is on her last Mission Venture as a student. I'm super proud of her and she's been a great leader on this trip. She really brings the energy and loves all her "besties" here on the team.

Right now all the Pine Valley students are sitting around chatting in the sanctuary with Maci and Axel. They're having a blast sharing some stories of some embarrassing experiences in their lives. They are quite the unified team!

We would love for you to pray for great opportunities for gospel conversations this week. Some locals have shared with us about the sad situations that many of the kids in Glendale are experiencing in their lives right now. It's all pretty heartbreaking. Pray that these teens that are coming to BARF Night will commit to Jesus! Our team is looking for chances to go deeper with these kids, and are confident that God will provide!

Thanks so much everyone!!

[yariwrites]

Just a dance.

It's Ambers coronation party, Hugo and Sofia share a dance.

This is my entry for the first prompt of the Hugfia Appreciation Week 2021! Day 1 - Celebration. ps: english it's not my first lenguage let me know if there's any mistakes!

Sofia never were as fond of those celebrations as Amber was. Yes, of course she loved parties just like everyone else, but her sister made things too extra for her own taste. She walked around the ballroom politely greeting their guests. Royals from all across the EverRealm had come to Enchancia to celebrate Amber’s coronation. Her sister was finally queen! And a great one she would become.

Amber was just about to start conversation with the king and queen of Zumaria when of the corner of her eye Sofia saw Lucinda waving at her. She said her goodbyes quickly and made her way towards her friend.

“Lucinda! I’m glad you made it” Sofia hugged her friend, with a big smile on her face.

“I wouldn’t miss the party for the world.” The witch answered. “Sorry I couldn’t get her sooner, I needed to get some stuff ready for tomorrow”

“Oh, yeah. Are you still taking the young witched on a trip to the Mystic Meadows then?”

“You bet! They are really excited about it.”

A waiter walked by, waiting for them to take a drink each before going away.

“I wish I could go with you, but I have to spend the whole day helping Amber with something about laws I think.” Which wasn’t as exciting as visiting the most amazing sorcerers and witches of the whole Realm, but I would have to do. “Anyways, have you seen Jade and Ruby? I lost track of them after the ceremony”

Lucinda finished her drink before answering. “Last time I saw them they were talking with the girl with a dragon. I’m sorry I can’t never remember your royal friend’s names.”

“Oh, Vivian!” She had bought Crackle for her to see Clover, that’s true. Maybe they were in the garden then, that’s were Clover loved to hide during this type of loud parties. “Thanks Lucinda, I’ll see you around.”

Sofia left her empty glass on a nearby table and walked towards one of the exist that lead to the garden. She was just about to open the door when a hand grabbed her by the shoulder and made her turn around.

“I almost didn’t catch you!”

“Hugo! Hi, I’m glad you’re here. I didn’t see you before.” Sofia didn’t think twice and hug her friend. She hasn’t seen Hugo in a long time, actually.

“Yeah we got to the ceremony a bit late, and just stood in the back.” The prince returned the hug, stroking Sofia’s back up and down a few times before letting her go. “Axel couldn’t find her formal crown or whatever. He’s been all over the place since his coronation… It’s good to see that Amber got all under control for hers”

“Are you kidding? Amber has been preparing for this day since Tilly’s weeding. This was already half-way done.” She chuckled, everyone in every kingdom knew about Amber’s style of doing things. “I was going to look for Vivian, do you want to come?”

“Oh, I was actually hoping for… Well, maybe… A dance with you?”

Words came a bit tangled from the prince mouth, but they were just right on time as the orchestra started to play some waltz-like music.  True, it was Amber’s first dance as queen. Roland was taking her to the center of the room. God, her gown was almost as big as the chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

“If this is only her coronation I wonder how her weeding is going to be” Whispered Hugo into Sofia’s ear, making her giggle. “So… Do I have this dance?”

“Of course, Hugo.”

Sofia joined her father and sister on the dancing floor. And soon after even more couples joined. Hugo’s hand was gently placed over Sofia’s waist.

The princess had to look up to be able to actually look at him into his eyes, and for the first time since forever she realized how pretty they were… Almost as sparkly as the most beautiful emerald on the castle. For a moment it was like time had stopped, she couldn’t hear the music or the people anymore… Only Hugo and herself. The prince’s voice brought her back to reality not long later.

“I didn’t have time to say it but, you look beautiful tonight Sofia.”

“Thank you, Hugo… You look very handsome as well. Red really is your color.” And red her cheeks were starting to become as well.

“You know, we… We actually will be hosting a party next week. Axel is getting engaged.” He got closer to her, to be able to whisper that on her ear. It was a secret after all. “So I was wondering. Would you like to come…? I mean, you are coming, of course we’re inviting everyone but.” Hugo stopped right there, taking the time to take a deep breath and clear his throat. “Would you like to come? As my date. That’s what I wanted to say.”

“You know what? I would love to, Hugo. Thank you.” She nodded a few times. It was so easy for Hugo to look into her eyes and see that sparkle of joy that he loved so much.

They kept on dancing for the rest of the night, simply enjoying the feeling of being in each other’s arms.

[stopbeingrude]

Hellooooo guys. This time the chapter turned out to be longer than I expected. I hope you won't mind... ,, I like the rain, it always seemed like the only thing that was like me…" Chapter 3 In Tempeville. The sun was setting so it must have been after 8 p.m. The couple sat quietly in their wagon, trying to occupy themselves with talking. The conversation quickly turned to the topic of their wedding, which was to take place in 5 months. However, the ice mage couldn't help but feel, that his fiancée was somewhere else with her thoughts. Several times he caught her not listening to him... And don't get him wrong Gray was aware that Juvia had been going through some really tough times over the last few days, but that didn't change the fact that he felt a little neglected. - "Darling..Juvia is sorry , but she's really tired , you won't be offended if she takes a nap for a while.... right?" - said Juvia, looking completely exhausted. - "Eh no..come on , lie down"-he sighed, then covered his fiancée with a blanket when she rested her head on his lap. All these events must have worn her out. No wonder. As he stroked her blue hair, the boy looked at her face, which was even paler than usual..In addition to signs of fatigue, worry could be seen all over it. He felt a strange prick in his heart. It was true that they had explained everything to each other recently, but he still couldn't push away the strange feeling that it wasn't all. -'She already told you everything, what are you so worried about? That you're not the center of her attention? Since when do you act like a brat?- he asked himself- 'Everything will turn out fine. We will find the information about the place of his death and everything will be back to normal. WE will be back to normal '- he encouraged himself. After all, the patient ones shall be rewarded… *******************************

When they reached their destination, it was little before 10 p.m . With lanterns everywhere, Gray was able to get a very clear look at the area, despite the prevailing darkness. Tempeville was a fairly small town. Definitely smaller than Magnolia. With the map in their hands, they headed towards the center of town, passing many houses, a library and the occasional store. When he turned his gaze toward the train station, he was greeted by acres of forest. Hills of green surrounded the town on almost every side, making it seem even smaller. To be honest, the place seemed quite charming to him. Surely, once they had rested after their journey and found some time, they would go for a little walk to explore the surroundings. Juvia could use a little stress relief... They headed for the nearest hotel to finally get some rest. To Juvia's shock, she came face to face with Mrs. Revee. It surprised her immensely. What could this woman be doing here at this hour? 'Right, she told me about her new business, back when we talk at the market …'- reminded herself, water mage - "Oh Juvia?! Darling, what a coincidence. I never thought I'd see you here… Did you decide to visit us after you met me? Oooh I'm so flattered... ..And who might be this handsome gentleman with you, Hmm?. Like mother like daughter, she always attracted the best looking ones too yohoho."- the lady laughed loudly -'Ymm what's going on here? '- thought the slightly embarrassed man. He really felt out of place. They only came here to find a room for the night. He wasn't looking forward to chatting with some strange woman… - "Juvia is also glad to see you. I decided to go on...a little vacation to some places I have visited in the past.....And this is my future husband Gray."- The girl said with a smile, turning her gaze towards her fiancé. The look she gave him, full of adoration and love, made the man feel a pleasant warmth. The blushing man returned the smile. Oh if only they were alone at this moment. -"Hmm..H-hello , Gray Fullbuster.."- he extended his hand towards an older woman. Lydia was a rather short ,plump lady. She looked like she could have been in her late forties. Her brown hair was tied up in a ponytail and her teal eyes, despite her age, still shone with a youthful glow. The most striking thing about her, however, was the sheer number of pins in her hair. - 'God...I understand that some hair is difficult to handle, but what the hell is this?" - thought Devil Slayer...Suddenly he was pulled out of his thoughts by a woman's shout. -"EXCUSE ME ?! HUSBAND ?! OH MY GOD!!! "- screamed the woman loudly, VERY loudly -"...JUVIAAAA! Who would have thought?! It seems to me that not long ago you were learning how to read...time flies so fast..! - she wailed, pulling the girl into a hug, almost choking her to death -'Well, it's clear who influenced Juvia's emotional side '- observed Gray, then he spoke to weird brunette -"I really don't want to disturb you, but we're a bit tired after our trip and we'd like to rent a room…" - "..You don't have to tell me anything Honey, I got it. You'll get the one on the second floor…number 14- she handed him key-…. Boy what are you doing?!" - The woman said as Gray pulled out two sacks full of jewels. - Hmm....I wanted to pay you….How much is it? Probably something over 8,000 jewels per night, right? - "NO, NO, NO,... Sweetie, you'll pay me when your time here is up...besides why would you pay me that much..Pftt..? "- Lydia chuckled. - "..Mrs. Revee, Juvia...we can't abuse your hospitality like that..!"- said the terrified blunette. After all, they didn't know how long they'd be staying... -"...~Oh..Cut the crap, baby. You're not just a customer, after all. I'll take you to the bedroom now. Breakfast is at 8:30 a.m .Dinner at 1:00p.m . Remember that…~." ******************************* - "Dear God. I thought that woman would never go away..." - Gray sighed, throwing himself onto their bed after making sure Lydia was gone. Juvia looked at him slightly amused. - " Don't exaggerate , she was just happy to

see me..."- Juvia said with a smile, while taking off her boots - " I would like to remind you that you have seen each other before. Like 2 days ago? Besides, she didn't need to call her family and staff just to say hello to us..."- stated the black-haired man , already fixing his pillow. - "Juvia, for one, was very happy to see people treating her nicely" -said Juvia, slightly offended by the fact that her beloved was so mean towards Mrs. Lydia. Admittedly, she was always...quite loud and sometimes unpredictable….but that doesn't change the fact of how loving, understanding and caring Mrs Revee was. She was more of a mother to her than..... -"Okay, but it's almost midnight and no one in their right mind would be having a chat at this hour. " - answered the ice mage. He did not want to seem rude, but let's remember that a few hours train ride is not necessarily the most pleasant and relaxing experience. -"Okay, okay...You're tired. I understand. No one will bother you anymore. Sweet dreams, my poor baby..."- she said jokingly, heading towards the bathroom, while trying to untie her green corset. This action did not escape the attention of the black-haired man. - "...Oh?..Are you….going to take a bath?...Actually, I could use one too..."- started the man with a small smirk, already getting out of bed. ... Honestly..It's been like two weeks since they... - "You were tired just a minute ago. Didn't you? Good night…~"- the woman slammed the bathroom door behind her before the man had time to say anything. Despite the closed door, he could clearly hear his Juvia laughing. Offended, Fullbuster went back to bed. What did he do to deserve this kind of treatment? Fully awake by now and bored, Devil Slayer decided to look at the newspapers. As he flipped through the pages, he came across many articles. However, the ones that caught his attention the most were about the dark guilds. What? Dark guilds are prowling in such a tiny town? What would they even be looking for here? Before he knew it, he was looking through older ones, from weeks, months ago… He eventually came across an interview from about a year ago in which the township mayor Bernard Nirious was interviewed. -"Mr. Nirious, for many long years your town has struggled with the problem of attacks by Axel Ventro's gang. We know that the police have already taken all necessary measures to catch those people. However, do you have any suspicions as to why they continue to return to you over the course of several years?" - "But of course, Margaret. The matter is very simple. It's all about revenge. Some of you may not remember this anymore, but almost 30 years ago Axel's father Caspian and his men attacked Tempeville. It was a terrible slaughter, I get chills every time I look at that damn forest... If it hadn't been for two powerful mages who suddenly appeared on the day of the attack, I don't know what would have happened to the town... Fortunately, everything ended well and old Ventro was put behind bars. But let me tell you, he didn't last long there. About a year after the incident he managed to escape. When police finally got on his trail, they found him, but he was already dead. The kid wants revenge on our heroes, because he believes that they were behind the murder of his father." - "I see, so don't your saviors feel threatened?" - "Well...Miss Lockser has been dead for about 25 years now…" 'Lockser ?!'- immediately noticed Gray. 'So it was Ms. Eliana who saved this town…….which means the other one must have been…' -".. It's really sad to see such young people leave this world, but unfortunately she was struck down by some bloody disease..... As for our other hero Jeremiah Agam, he lived in our village for quite a while. If my memory serves me right, he took care of Eliana's baby for a while. Poor little thing...To lose parents at such a young age? Horrible..... In later years Agam began to leave, as he said himself, on business matters, so he was seen less and less. He must have died on one of his missions, because after year x773, we

completely lost contact with him... - "If they are both dead, why does Ventro still not give up?" -" I think that question would have to be asked of Axel himself…" Gray decided to put his thoughts in order. Jerry took a new job. Juvia mentioned that this job was the reason he left her…..because it was too dangerous. Since suddenly out of nowhere Jerry stopped coming back to Tempeville... is it possible that he knew about this whole Axel guy...? His thoughts were interrupted by Juvia, who finally decided to come out of the bathroom. -"What are you reading?" - She asked while wiping her hair dry. - "Juvia! Come here quickly and read it "- the man wasted no time throwing a newspaper in her direction. Juvia, taken aback, started to read. Gradually new emotions began to appear on her face. First surprise, then unrest, and finally... Anger? To her fiancé's astonishment, she reared up with sudden fury. - "..What kind of bullshit is this?! This idiot is invading a town just because he thinks Jerry killed his old man..?! Jerry?! Of all the people in the world... ?! " - deep down she knew that she shouldn't scream at this hour, but she couldn't control herself. Gray was afraid to speak up. He had seen her angry, but not like this...Plus she had never cursed before. Juvia took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. She had noticed lately how tense she was and how easy it was to piss her off ....She should probably start drinking those teas , she's been hearing about. - "Juvia...I didn't mean to upset you. I was just saying that if Jerry started leaving the village, maybe he knew about those guys. You told me yourself that he claimed his job was dangerous. I'm not saying he was directly responsible for the old man's death, but maybe...."- he gulped- "...he was connected to it in some way...?- Gray uncertainly raised his gaze towards his beloved, being prepared for another outburst, but instead of that he saw that the girl held a hand to her temple area. Juvia didn't know what was going on. She suddenly felt intense pain, was it from the stress? She needed to sit down...or - "Oi , what is going on?!' - asked the frightened mage, immediately appearing at her side -" My head... It's ... Can you give me some water? - the man did it right away. -"There must be some painkillers in here somewhere...Give me a moment," - said the concerned fiance, as moved towards his suitcase. Juvia kept sitting on the bed. She couldn't believe that Jerry would hurt someone like this. He fought with such people quite often, but everything always ended in a fairly peaceful way. These people ended up battered, but that's about it.. Why did Gray think that he might have…. The moment when he said goodbye to her appeared before her eyes, the woman felt suddenly cold. -"......I've always been aware of the fact that one day I would be in danger. But you have nothing to do with it. I won't let anything happen to you…'' 'Jerry... Are you... No…' -".. it's nice that you don't hold a grudge against these children....But in my opinion, not everyone deserves forgiveness.…" '..No , that doesn't..' -"...People are capable of many things when something threatens them or their loved ones" -'...Calm down, take a deep breath..'- blunette said to herself, trying with all her might to calm herself down. Just like a few nights ago, tears started running down her face. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself otherwise, what Gray was saying was highly possible... - "Juvia I have it.....Juvia?! Does it hurt that much? Here...Swallow it quickly...Maybe I'll put some ice on it..or.." - " Gray…"- said man suddenly froze. -"......Y-yes..?" -" You might be right..about Jerry...." -" I..Juvia...listen to me, I understand that this is a lot for you....Come here - the boy wrapped his arms around her -...I didn't say he was responsible for the murder, just that he might be connected to it, or at least to the group. That could be the key to finding some information about him... Do you get it..?"- water mage nodded. -"I'm sorry, I shouldn't yell

like that...." -'' Well being honest you gave me quite a scare "- he said with a chuckle. - "It's not everyday you see the polite and refined Juvia Lockser, using such vulgar words..." - the man added cockily. Blunette couldn't help but smile. How is it that he can be grumpy and mean one moment , tender and caring next and then playful and cocky another? Gray Fullbuster is really an interesting case.... - "Now let's go to sleep, it will do us good... and tomorrow we will try to do something" - he said covering them both with a quilt and they both fell into a deep sleep. Neither of them realized, however, that their rather loud exchange of words had not escaped Lydia's ears. - "So this is about Jerry after all?"- she said to herself as she sipped her tea in her private room. - "Of course it had to be about him. Do you really think after all trouble she's been through she'd want to come back here out of her own free will?" the woman continued. That boy's words still rang in her ears..

He could have been connected to the group, that's why he started to leave.' Something didn't feel right here. Jerry always despised these kinds of people after all. Why would he be connected to them in any way? Brunette woman had no idea. It didn't sound like something he could do at all. But what could she know? Yes, she and Jerry rather liked each other. You might even say they were friends. But that didn't mean she knew everything about the golden-haired man. This is where someone closer to him would come in handy. A picture of a man she knew well suddenly appeared before her eyes. -'' It's possible that he has already come back" - she thought, running towards room 7 on the first floor and then bumping into the man she just wanted to find as soon as possible. - "Hi, Lydia, I didn't expect to see anyone so late at night. I hope I didn't accidentally wake you up, I tried to be as quiet as a mouse - he answered with a light laugh. -" No, no, no... You know.., I was just about to go to you. I...need your help - the little woman looked at the man. - "Oh really? What could you possibly need at this hour…"- the man asked with a big grin-"...Is this about…." - "It's about Jerry…"- she interrupted him. The smile was completely gone from the huge man's face. Instead it was replaced by anxiety. Why had she decided to talk about this subject? - "....I...Lydia, I've mentioned many times that I don't know much myself…" - "...I know there are some things you don't want to tell me about. I get it. Really. But..Juvia is here and I'm sure you're aware of the fact that she would want every last bit of information.... "- determined woman looked at the man in front of her, waiting for any answer. But the man stood completely still. Revee did not know what was happening at that moment. It was strange to see a talkative and cheerful doctor, standing completely silent, looking somewhere into the distance. Had she said something wrong? She thought that since Toshi and Jerry were close friends maybe he would be able to… - "Juvia?.....You mean Eliana's child?...Juvia Lockser... she's here?" Toshi asked, agitated. - "...Yes, she arrived here about two hours ago... I accidentally heard that it was just to find out what exactly happened to Jerry. They...well she and her man.... think he was somehow connected to the Ventro attacks." After a brief moment of silence, probably to collect his thoughts, Dr. Toshi Rall, whispered - "T-tomorrow...tell her I want to see her aroud 12.... I'll do my best...For now, I need to sleep...G-good night...-the doctor headed toward his room. The brunette also headed towards her bedroom. She didn't know if she did the right thing...but one was certain. Poor Juvia could not leave town without answers. ******************************* Side note: I've noticed that some people want to be tagged when they follow some fanfiction or author. So I thought, why not? So if anyone wishes to do so, let me know. Previous chapters

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