#back from my trip to finland

[ionomycin]

wild strawberries

[tchaikovskym]

My 2023 was wild, not in a way that anyone would use the term "wild" except me

[jumobear]

CONCERT

[f1fantasys]

BROKE

Warnings - explicit smut, minors dni, male and female receiving oral, blowjobs, fingering, sex, p in v sex, unprotected sex, swearing. HEAVY ANGST

A/N - hope you all enjoy this. I had some much fun writing it and it’s one of my longest fics I’ve written. Please leave suggestions in the comments and requests are always open!

5K+

The breakup was messy. You'd dated Lando for 2 years, but had known him for much longer than that. He was your everything, and you thought he'd remain that forever. But you were wrong. So wrong. Here you were, 6 months after the breakup and you heart was still breaking into pieces with each passing second.

You were a social media content creator for f1, and obviously Lando being a driver, meant you had spent a lot of time together, both in front of and behind the camera for about 3 years, until Lando asked you out and well, the rest was history. You both fell ferociously in love with each other - only for it to end in shatters.

Things were more than perfect at the end of last year. You'd had the most incredible winter break, and for the first time, you even spoke about getting married one day.

You were spending the last few days of the break on a ski trip in Finland. Lando had rented the coziest little cottage with a lush interior and fancy fire places to keep you warm from the blazing snow outside. The day had been filled with laughs and falls while skiing, and once you made it back in doors Lando jumped you in the shower. He pushed you to the wall, attacking your lips with his own, sliding his tongue into your mouth, exploring it. You were a moaning mess as you felt his hand slide down to your core, pinching and pulling at your clit as he slid two fingers in at once. ''Oh Lan'' you moaned into his ear, palming his throbbing dick and feeling it twitch in your hand, causing his breath to hitch at the sensation. ''Gonna fuck you senseless, yeah?'' he asked, before lowering to his knees, eyes not leaving yours. All you could do was nod your head and bite your lip as he licked a stripe up your cunt, collecting all your juices and using them as a lube to easily slide his tongue through your entrance. You pulled at his hair as he thrust in and out of you, shamelessly moaning the most obscene noises you could muster, as you released and came all over his mouth, shaking in his hands. He made sure to swallow everything before leaning up and kissing you with urgency, before he pushed you down by your shoulders to sit on your own knees now. You pumped him a few times as you spread his pre cum across his slit before you leaned forward and deep throated him, gagging in the process. Your hands pumped whatever you couldn't fit in as he held your hair out of your face, praising your name through gritted teeth. ''Taking me so fucking well baby'' he mumbled. He took a hold of your head now and fucked himself in and out of your mouth relentlessly, hardly giving you any room to breath. A few minutes later his movements were sloppy and his dick started twitching as you felt him shoot sheets of warm, salty cum down the back of your throat. You rode him through his orgasm before standing up again. He man handled you to face the other way, pulling your ass out and thrusting into you immediately, rough and fast. Your palms were flat on the wall as he pushed the side of your face against the cool tiles and fucked into you, whispering dirty nothings into your ear. His one hand snaked around your throat, applying some pressure as he continued his activities, telling how tight and how good you were for him, until your body was shaking and shuddering with the intense orgasm. He pulled out and somehow go the both of you out of the shower, before lifting you to sit on the counter by the sink. He spread your legs open and stuffed himself back into you, taking a hold onto your waist as your hands found and squeezed at his biceps. You came a third and fourth time before Lando was emptying his load into you, fucking it as far in as he could. You leaned forward on him, breathless, chuckling at the quick turn of events. He told you he loved you, you did the same. The night didn't end there though. Lando had fucked you in the kitchen again, ate you out in lounge on the floor by the fireplace, as well as in the hot tub, before you decided you wanted to taste again him so you gave him head so good he thought his mind might just explode. It was as if you were both starved of each other and hadn't had sex in days, though it was quite the opposite. You did the nasty almost everyday since the winter break started, and you still couldn't get enough of each other. When Lando fucked you for the last time that night, as you both lay in bed, he told you how you changed his life for the better, how he's never loved anyone as much as he loves you, and how he doesn't plan on loving anyone else but you. Tears prickled the corners of your eyes hearing him say all that. And as you both came in unison, Lando told you how one day he was going to marry you and how you'd start a family together. You had told him you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life with him. It was incredible while it lasted.

As the season started and Lando's head was focused on the world championships, and you slowly started to feel him slip away, race by race. You figured it was just the stress of it all that was causing him to shut you out.

Although you were a presenter for sky, it didn't mean you were at every race. You were often back at HQ in England, streaming from there or preparing notes for the next races you were to attend.

You would face time as best you could with the different time zones, and you always tried to be home in Monaco whenever he was. Normally he would run into your arms at first sight and pepper you in kisses, tell you how much he missed you. But by the 5th race he had distanced himself so much that all you got when he walked through the door was a ''hey'' and a retreat to your bedroom.

As the races continued your face times became less frequent, and most of your messages to him went un-answered. If my any miracle he did reply, it was just a short one or two word response. No more ''I love you's'' at the end.

The one day, when he was in Canada and had actually picked up your call, you asked him what was going on.

''Lan, is everything ok? You've been distancing yourself so much lately and I miss you, I really do'' you said through the screen.

He sighed. ''You know y/n, I have to focus on my job, keep my mind where I'm needed mentally and physically. It's not like I can race cars sitting at a desk like you do. I have to actually be here, and I thought I'd have more support from you to come to my races.''

Wait, what? Was he actually saying this to you right now? He'd always respected and supported your job, and now all of a sudden that's a problem for him?

''Lan, what? You know I come to as many races as possible, and it's also a job where I'm needed physically at HQ, but we've always made it work, and we always communicate as much as possible when we're apart. You know I always support you, even if I'm not there in person. Where is all this coming from?'' you asked, desperation in your eyes.

''Whatever, I can't deal with this now'' he said, before ending the call.

You scoffed, if he couldn't then you couldn't be arsed to deal with it now either.

He'd returned home the day before you did. He'd text you the morning you were supposed to arrive that he was going on a golfing trip with Carlos for a few days.

You were upset at the fact that he was choosing to spend his time home away from you, when he knew you wouldn't be going to the next 2 races. You'd tried to distract yourself and meet up with the other wags that were in town but it only made you more upset listening to how perfect their relationships seemed at the moment.

4 days later, Lando returned home. You were in the kitchen preparing lunch as he just walked through the door, ignoring you, and straight to your room.

You both were too stubborn to say anything for the rest of the day. You'd eaten in silence and done your own things until you went to bed. Normally he would be cuddling you from behind, kissing you breathless, but tonight you slept as far as possible though on the same bed.

What you weren't expecting was to be waking up the next morning with Lando hovering above you and pushing his dick into you. You moaned at the contact and instinctively bought your hands up to cup his face and pull him in for an urgent kiss, wrapping your legs around him as tight as you could. He set a quick, fast pace, fucking into your core eagerly. Your nails dug into his skin as your body trembled, reaching your orgasm quicker than usual because you were so desperate for a release, and it wasn't long until Lando was emptying himself into you. This time he pulled out straight away and went to the bathroom - to clean himself up - not you - before he jumped in the shower and then merely said he has paddle with the boys, leaving you hornier for more.

That was the last time he fucked you. He didn't touch you after that. One day, after the next race when you were both home again, you'd had a silly argument, both throwing metaphoric daggers at each other, and so Lando had been streaming all day, not interacting with you at all. You were in the lounge watching tv as you heard quiet moans coming from his streaming room. You quickly got up and silently walked to the room where the door was slightly jar. You watched as Lando had his cock in his hands, jerking off while watching porn.

You couldn't help but let a tear slide down your cheek as to what extent he was willing to go to to not be with you. But you still loved him, so you let it slide and busied yourself doing other things.

You'd caught him getting himself off a few more times - once in the bathroom in the middle of the night, once right next to you in bed, while he thought you were sleeping, and once sitting in his car just as you'd returned home from doing some shopping.

The one race you were working at, he again ignored you more times than you could count, and you'd ended up having multiple arguments about stupid things all 5 days that you were there. You'd both said hurtful things to each other, things you never thought you would say

You were reaching your breaking point now, he was not talking to you, not touching you, just shutting you out in every way possible, so you decided you needed to confront him about it.

At the start of summer break, the one day, Lando was sitting out on the balcony, watching the sunset, alone, a beer in hand.

You walked out and sat next to him, staring out at the beautiful Monaco view, before you looked at him and started talking.

''Lando, please talk to me. What's going on'' you said softly as you tried to keep you tears at bay.

Lando looked at you, for what felt like the fist time in months, his eyes beautiful as ever but not holding the usual warmth and love he once held for you.

''There's really nothing to talk about'' he said quietly, turning away from you.

''What do you mean? You've distanced yourself from me for months, and I've kept quiet, but you need to talk to me, tell me what's bothering you or what I'm doing wrong, because clearly I seem to be the problem here'' you said, the tears threatening to spill any second.

''Why does everything have to be about you? Fuck. You're so fucking needy all the time. Always calling and texting and trying to get my attention when I have more important things to deal with. If you want my attention so much then why the fuck aren't you at all my races?'' he spat.

''Is this what this is about? Me not coming to all your races?'' you asked, not believing it.

''I told you, it's not all about you.'' he said, throwing daggers at you.

''Lando, you're not making any sense. You say I'm needy then you blame me for not going to races. Where is all this coming from? Our communication has dropped so low. You seem to want to me away from me at al times. You don't talk to me, you don't do anything with me these days. You haven't even fucking touched me in months'' you say.

''Oh so now its about me not touching you? I don't have time for shit like that anymore'' he said, standing up and leaning against the balcony.

''It's about everything, Lan. How did we let our relationship sink this low? And don't think I didn't fucking catch you getting yourself off all those times after we last fucked'' you spat back, also standing up now.

His gaze on you turned angry. ''Ugh I'm so fucking sick of it all. All the whining and irritation. Take a fucking hint, y/n'' he said through gritted teeth, shouting at you now.

''So is this it then? Just throw away years of friendship and love because YOU let our relationship sink?'' you asked, voice softening, the tears falling uncontrollably now.

''The doors' fucking open'' he said, pointing at the door.

You heart shattered as he said that. He gave up on you, and now he was practically telling you to leave.

You stood there, frozen, before he spoke again.

''If you won't then i fucking will'' he said harshly, walking away from you and out of the door.

Your body went into shock. You managed to tremble inside before your legs gave way and you sat on the floor by the sofa. A series of wrecks ripping through your body.

You cried so much that night, your heart broken into a million pieces all by the person you loved the most.

On a different occasion, you knew Lando would rush back to you, apologize and ask for your forgiveness. But something in the way he spoke and looked at you tonight told you that this was really the end. He was done with you.

You didn't hear from him again after that. You tried, so hard to move on without him in your life. You packed your bags and left the apartment, finding a smaller place for yourself. Your job was still your passion, so you stuck with it, requesting to spend as much time as possible at HQ rather than going to races, to which your bosses kindly agreed to because they knew your relationship with Lando and how much you were struggling.

You closed off from mutual friends, even the wags, because all they did was remind you of what you once had with Lando. Carmen though stuck by your side through it all. She was your lifeline. Everyday felt like the worst day of your life, reliving the break up over and over again. By now you felt like you were functioning just for the sake of it.

Last month you even went on a date, but all you did the whole night was compare him to Lando - the Lando that you loved, not that broke your heart. You ended up saying you were feeling sick and left early.

Nothing was helping you move on. All you thought of 24 hours a day was what was and what should have been.

Lando though, didn't seem phased by anything. You often caught yourself looking at his Instagram account to see how he was doing, though you knew it was the worst thing to do. Gossip accounts would post regular updates of him walking out of clubs beaming, happier than ever, with a new girl at his side every time. It broke you how quickly he moved on. How okay he was without you, yet here you were trying to hate him and be angry at him, but not able to diminish the love you will probably always feel for him.

Your boss this morning had just told you that you had to go for the next race in Singapore. They desperately needed you back on their screens and the more you though of it, you needed to get back out there and move on with your life. You needed to block Lando, your lover, as much as you could, and only deal with Lando the driver.

You were excited to finally go to a race, you absolutely loved it and maybe it was a good first step for you. Sky had assured you that you would only be working with Ferraro this weekend, and have nothing to do with Mclaren.

It was also good to finally catch up with some of the other wags and your Sky girlfriends. After the first night out with them, you knew you were stronger than you thought and you knew you'd be okay.

It was media day today. You'd opted for a simple body-con dress, nothing too fancy or showy.

You held your breath as you entered the paddock. For the first time in over two years you were entering alone, not with Lando holding your hand, and your heart couldn't help but ache at the though of it.

But you quickly screwed your head back on and made a bee-line for the Ferrari garage. Charles' eyes brightened as soon as he saw you, rushing over to hug you. ''Y/n, its so good to see you again, we've really missed you the last few races'' he gushed.

''Ah it's good to see you too Char, and I'm so happy Alex is here so we can catch up!'' you said, jumping slightly when Carlos appeared out of nowhere and pulled you in for a hug.

''Our favorite presenter is finally back where she belongs'' he squealed.

The day was going well, you managed to do all your work in the Ferrari garage, as well as record a few bits for the pre-race shows. That was until you were being pulled into the driver press conferences to take notes for Craig Slater as his usual colleague fell ill.

You walked behind Craig, following him into the room and as you looked up you locked eyes with none other than Lando.

Your breath hitched in your throat as you took him in. He still looked handsome as ever, though his expression of initial shock of seeing you quickly turned to a frustrated look, clenching his jaw.

You sat down, hands shaking, and tried to concentrate on what you were here for. You listened carefully to the questions and answers, and when Craig asked Lando a question he couldn't have made it more obvious that he was not happy to be here let alone answering ridiculous questions. He shot daggers at everyone, replying sarcastic and cocky answers wherever he could.

As soon as the press conference was over he shot out of his seat and bee lined through the door. You let out a breath you didn't even realize you were holding in. You walked into a passage and saw George came over to you and engulfed you in a tight hug. He knew how Lando had hurt you because of Carmen. You also knew you could trust him.

You couldn't help but break down completely in his arms, your sobs over taking your body as he held on to you and let you cry. ''You're okay, y/n, shh'' he whispered into your hair. ''Why does he look at me like he hates me?''you sobbed. ''Y/n, no he doesn't. He's just being an ass'' George reassured you'' After a few minutes you said ''I'm sorry.'' ''Hey, don't be sorry. I'm here for you whenever you need me'' he said, pulling back and looking into your eyes sincerely. He wipes your tears from your face and told you he'd give you a ride back to the hotel since you were staying at the same one.

You managed to calm down on the ride back. ''Call me if you need anything, anytime of the night'' George said, walking up to your room with you.

As you settled in bed that night your mind couldn't help but replay the once good times of yours and Lando's relationship. Your tears returned as you cried into your pillow. No matter how much you try to forget him and move on, your heart strings are still gravitating towards him.

Just as you were about to fall asleep your phone buzzed with a message. When you turned it over and saw who it was, your heart skipped a beat. It was him.

''Why the fuck are you here Y/n?'' was all he said.

''It's still my job Lando'' you replied, not sure which way this was going.

His next message sent another dagger through your heart-

''I don't want to be fucking anywhere near you''

By now you were full on sobbing again. How has he just forgotten everything from the last few years. He's literally talking to you like he hates you and can't stand the sight of you. You really didn't even know what to respond.

''Well you don't have to worry about that. I'm with Ferrari all weekend''

He didn't reply anything after that. Needless to say you cried yourself to sleep that night.

You got up early the next morning and went for a run to clear your mind. You needed to concentrate on work so you threw yourself in as soon as you got to the paddock. Filming with Charles and Carlos was always a fun time and they had lightened up your mood for a bit until they had to get into their cars for FP1 & 2.

At the end of the day, you'd stayed behind to finish some work up. Just as you were packing up you heard the door open, expecting it to me a mechanic or someone from Ferrari hospitality but when you looked up you were internally shaking. Lando.

He stood there, looking at you with the same disgust he'd shown you yesterday. Yes he still looked handsome but he also looked tired and worn out. Hair messy, eyes red. He didn't say anything right away.

Instead you both just looked at one another for multiple seconds. You tried to keep your composure and not let him see how broken you were. But with each passing second you were failing.

You finally cleared your throat and said his name, rolling it off your tongue left a bitter taste on it.

''Lan Lando'' you said, holding your breath.

His voice was firm but soft. ''Why the hell are you are y/n?'' he asked the same question as his text.

You sighed. ''I told you I still work with Sky. It's my job and I love it. I'm not going to leave just because you don't want me here'' you said, surprised at how you held your words with saying that.

Now it was his turn to sigh. ''But what don't you fucking understand'' he almost shouted, putting his hands in his pockets. ''I don't want to fucking be around you. I don't want to associate you with my love for racing, so stop coming here'' he spat.

You let a few tears roll down your cheek, heart breaking all over again at his words. ''Lando what did I ever do to you to make you hate me like this. Why? Why did you distance yourself and why did you walk away from me?'' you whispered.

He shook his head. ''All I know is that we were a mistake. We were wrong in so many ways, and I wish we had nothing to do with each other'' he said in a low voice.

By now you were struggling to breath, literally. You sat yourself back down and held your head in your shaky hands, your mind refusing to believe he was saying all of this to you. You were having a full on panic attack in front of him.

Gasping for air, you looked at him again. ''Lando I-I-'' you said, begging him to do or say something to calm you down. He was always the one who would do so and now he was the one causing the pain.

You shut your eyes and took a few deep breaths while he just stood there and looked at you.

This was it, you thought. You had to find a way to let him go and live your life with him in the past. You won't let yourself continue to love someone who doesn't love you back. Someone who hurt you in so many ways and who said painful things about your relationship in which you were at your happiest.

Just as you were about to look up again you felt hands on your knees. You gasped as you saw Lando leaning down, tears in his own eyes. He squeezed your knees and opened his mouth to talk but nothing came out. Instead his tears spilled over onto his cheeks. His touch sent a jot of electricity through your body.

You placed your hands on top of his and smiled through your tears. ''I'll go, you wont have to worry about being near me anymore'' you whispered, though he quickly shook his head.

''Yes, I'll be fine. You'll be fine'' you said, even though you didn't believe yourself one bit.

What you didn't know was Lando's side of the story.

Everything was perfect. You were both in love. Life was good, more than good. Then this year came along, and Mclaren suddenly had a competitive car. He was closer than ever to be in contention for both drivers' and constructors' championships. He didn't know how to handle the highs and lows, the pleasure and pain. And instead of coming to you for help, he pushed you away. He became the nastiest person he'd ever been. He hurt you in ways you never deserved in a million years, thinking it'd be easier if you hated him, that way he can focus on racing. But boy was he wrong. Distancing himself from you in the beginning was frustrating and felt wrong in so many ways, but he pushed himself away from you, telling his brain it was for the best even though his heart and gut knew what he was doing was wrong. Then even when he was around you physically, he had to keep himself away. Instead of throwing himself in your arms after being away from each other, he barely acknowledged you. He refused to let himself touch you, kiss you even though all he wanted was your comfort. The one time he fucked you was a moment of weakness, or so he told himself. And then the breakup. The most gut-wrenching day of his life. The words he'd thrown at you, the lies he told you, the guilt he made you feel. He was broken when he walked out of the door that day. Every cell in his body was telling him to come back into the house and apologize to you, beg for your forgiveness, hug you and never let you go, yet his mind was made up, and he couldn't look at you again without feeling the pain of all the guilt of everything - so he didn't turn back. For 6 months he used every girl that threw herself at him, in the hopes that he could forget about you and move on, though he found himself comparing every girl to you. None of their hair was soft and silky as yours, no one had smooth and lush skin, no one had curves in all the right places, no one kissed him and touched like you, no one fucked him as good as you did. But most importantly, no one was as beautiful, as kind, as intelligent as you were. He was miserable, jumping from one girl to another only to be praising your name as he came and have her call him a dickhead before walking out. He shouldn't have been surprised to see you back at the Paddock - it was also your job to be there. But when he locked eyes with your he felt all the air leave his lungs, and even though he wanted nothing more than to run up to you and take you in his arms, he decided that being pissed off was the easier option. As if it was. When he'd texted you last night, it was more of an excuse just to 'text you,' not to be an asshole, but of course, he was nothing less than as ass. And today, he was about the head out back to the hotel when Charles had asked how he felt having you back in the paddock, and eventually he'd let slip that you were still here, working late. Lando's feet had auto-piloted their way to you. Did he plan on hurting you again? No. Did he hurt you again? Yes. As soon as the words left his mouth of calling your relationship a mistake, he wanted the world to swallow him up. It was anything but a mistake. It was all-consuming love that held passion, kindness, trust, honesty, and earnestness. And he ended up throwing it all away for nothing. Not that anything would be worth it. He should never have even thought anything like that, let alone say it out loud to you. The last straw was not helping you through your panic attack. You all but begged him for help and all he did was stood there, feet stuck to the ground as he couldn't believe such vile words left his mouth causing you to go through all of this. Without thinking he ran up to where you were sitting and knelt down, his hands coming into contact with your skin after months of agony. Through all of this, even though his actions were the exact opposite - he never stopped loving you. Not once. He decided then and there that he needed to own up to his mistakes and ask for your forgiveness, even though he doesn't in a million lifetimes deserve it.

''Y/n,'' he said, voice breaking.

''No Lando, you don't have to say anything. I'll leave, never come to the paddock again, I'll find a new way in life for myself. One that doesn't revolve around you. I promise. You don't have to worry anymore. I-'' you stated while he cut you off.

''No no no y/n, listen to me'' he said then continued-

''You don't understand. It's not you that i hate. It's me. It's all fucking me'' he said through his tears that were now freely falling.

You honestly didn't know how to respond, so you stayed silent, hands still above his on your knees.

''I know I don't deserve you even listening to what I have to say but please, please just hear me out. Even if you hate me after everything, I need to tell you'' he begged.

You nodded.

''Y/n nothing was ever your fault. We had the most incredible relationship and I went and fucked it up. I know it sounds fucked up, but having a competitive car this year threw me off balance. I didn't know how to deal with the ups and downs, and instead of coming to you for help or telling you how I felt I shut you out, pushed you away, and disrespected you so much that i physically fucking hate myself for it. It's no excuse for how i treated you but i need you know that not for one second did i ever stop loving you. I don't think there will ever be a time where I'm not in love with you. Walking out the way I did in Monaco ended my world and even though i wanted to walk straight back in to you, i knew i didn't deserve to after everything i said. I am so, so incredibly sorry for everything I said and did. I know it's selfish for me to ask, but please, please forgive me, even though you owe me nothing. I hope we can find our back to each other because living in this world without you is the worst, most painful feeling I've felt these last 6 months. We were never a mistake, and we will never ever be a mistake. I love you so much y/n'' he said softy through his tears.

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. It was all too much. Too many words spoken for you to process everything he said. You wanted to believe him, to jump back into his arms and tell him your forgive him, tell him you love him more than anything. But you had to protect your heart before any of that could happen.

''Lan'' you whispered, unable to say anything more as your tears were flowing uncontrollably.

''It's okay baby, I know, that was a lot. Catch your breath. Just breath'' he said, bringing his forehead to yours, Whether he was trying to calm you or himself down, he didn't know. But he held onto your hands and squeezed them tight.

As hurt as you were by him, he actually managed to calm you down and bring your breath back to a normal pace.

You pulled away from him after a few minutes, looking into his puffy and red eyes, breaking at how this was all affecting him more than you thought it was.

''Lan,'' you started again.

''I really appreciate you telling me all of this. But you hurt me, so much, more than I ever thought possible.''

He nodded his head, tears returning to his eyes.

You continued - ''And as much as i still love you, as much as i want to go back to where we were a year ago,'' you sniffled. ''I need time. I need time to think through it all. I can't risk my heart being broken by you again. I have to protect it'' you said, unable to wipe away at his tears.

He nodded again, held onto your hands that were still holding his face. ''I know. What I did was awful and I don't expect you to take me back right away. I completely understand. But please know I will always, always wait for you. No matter how long it takes. I only want to be with you, so whether you want me in a minute, a year, or 10 years, I'm only yours, if you'll have me, that is.''

You nodded and stayed staring at each other for what felt like hours but was probably only 5 minutes.

Lando cleared his throat and mumbled that he needed to get back to the debrief.

He gently got up and leaned down to press a soft kiss on your cheek, letting his lips linger there for longer than he should have.

''I'll see you around, yeah?'' he whispered.

''Yeah, see you'' you cooed, trying to break a smile at him as he returned it before walking out.

You let out a few heavy breaths, trying to allow your mind to catch up to what had just happened.

The next two days of the race weekend passed with a blur. You were so busy at work that the times you were in the paddock you hardly had time to breath, let alone let your mind wander to Lando.

You'd seen him i passing a few times, the both of you giving each other a shy smile, before either you or him were being pulled away for something or the other.

He'd texted you last night after quali, just checking in and asking if you'd wanted to fly back to Monaco with a few of the other guys and mutual friends. He said he hoped he wasn't over stepping too soon. But you'd appreciated the offer and told him you've love to.

Once you were back in Monaco Lando hugged you tight and kissed your cheek, before you drove off in different directions to your houses.

The few weeks that followed that weekend were both a breath of fresh air and a mix of longing and desperation.

You were glad and grateful that Lando had explained himself, but that still didn't justify why he hurt you so much, and so even though you wanted to go back to him, your heart was still wary and doubtful.

He'd texted you a few times in between, the conversations light and positive from both you and him.

You hadn't seen him until you bumped into each other at Jimmyz one night. You were out celebrating one of your girlfriends' bachelorette's party.

It was the first time in a long time that you were excited to dress up and go out, try and have a good time. You opted to wear a white lacey dress, that left little to the imagination. It wasn't you go to dress since it was quite daring - but you woke up today feeling good about a day full of opportunities(!!!!)

You'd been in the club for about an hour, actually having fun and dancing with your girlfriends, drinking enough to be a bit tipsy but not drunk.

At one point, you went to the bar to get another drink. While you were waiting for it your eyes wandered around the club - watching people dance and drink like crazy until you you found none other than Lando's eyes.

Your breath hitched and you couldn't help but internally swoon at him. He looks so good, in his black button up and backwards cap. his eyes instantly turned a shade darker the more you looked at each other. As the shock sore off, his face broke out into a smile that held a thousand suns in it and you returned it with your own.

He started making his way towards you, drink in hand until he was standing in front of you. Neither of you made a move or said anything, until Max Fewtrel broke you both out of your trance and pulled you in for the tightest hug, drunk, and mumbled how much he'd missed you.

He situated himself to sit on a stool at the bar, in between you and Lando, mumbling away and talking nonsense.

You could see from Lando's face that he was starting to get annoyed with his friend. He reached over and took your hand, electricity igniting between the two of you and he pulled you to a booth where you could finally be alone.

Your heart was fluttering in your chest at the contact, as he didn't let go when you were standing to each other again, with nothing in-between.

He smiled again. ''How are you?'' he asked.

''I'm, I-I'' you stuttered, not finding your words.

He gave you a worried look, smile dropping and eyes wearing a shade on concern, which quickly turned to lust when he saw you bite your lip.

Suddenly, Lando launched himself at you. He pushed you against the wall, cupped your face and crashed his lips to your with an urgency so unfound you had no time to think but reach you hands up to his face.

The kiss was messy and desperate, the both of your starved of each other for too long.

''Lando'' you cooed between breaths as he slightly pulled up and rested his forhead against yours.

''Fuck'' he mumbled. ''I'm sorry'' he said, started to pull back but you kept a firm hold on his face and shook your head at him, before bringing your lip back to his and sliding your tongue into his mouth.

He responded instantly, hands returning to wrap around your body to pull you as close as possible as his tongue fought with yours, winning eventually and sliding into your mouth now.

Your hands found his hair and pulled at it as Lando's mouth moved down to your neck and sucked and nipped at it, finding your sweet spot as if he'd never forgotten.

You moaned at his actions as you rubbed your thighs together, something he didn't miss. It took everything in him to pull away and look into your eyes.

'''Let's get out of here, yeah?'' he asked, voice laced with desperation.

You couldn't form words now. All you knew was you were so horny for him, and if you didn't find some privacy soon, you might just let him fuck you on the dance floor for everyone to watch.

''Y/n?'' he pulled you out of your thoughts.

''Uh huh'' you said, grabbing his hand and letting him lead you out the exit.

The uber back to his place - once yours too - was palpable with sexual tension.

You couldn't keep you hands off each other, and you were practically sitting in Lando's lap as he nuzzled his face into your neck and hair, whispering sweet nothings into your ear which had you blushing.

You cupped his face again and kiss him slow and deep, savoring the moment until he ruined it (not that you were complaining) by slipping your boobs out of your dress and lowering his mouth to them.

He sucked at your peaked nipples, pinching them between his fingers as you tried to suppress your moans bu pulling hard on his hair.

Finally, the uber driver cleared his throat, telling you you were home. As Lando payed him a generous tip, you slipped your boobs back into your dress and shimmied out of the car, Lando not far behind you before he scooped you up and threw you over his shoulder.

You giggled as he tried and failed to open the door a couple of times before finally getting the right key and walking into the house.

As soon as the door was shut he had you pressed against it.

His dark eyes stayed on yours before he ripped your dress off of you into two pieces.

''Lando!'' you squealed, pouting at him.

He smirked. ''Oh don't 'Lando' me as if you aren't turned on by it'' he said, knowing you all to well.

You stuck your tongue out at him.

As you stood there, hands behind your back, Lando shamelessly gawked at your body.

You didn't miss how his eyes turned shades darker when he saw you weren't wearing any panties.

You licked your lips and sighed. ''You're still wearing too many clothes'' you cooed.

He looked back up at you, though didn't say anything.

Instead he walked closer to you and sank down on his knees, prying your legs open all the while his eyes never left yours.

You held onto his hair and bit your lip, knowing what was coming as he gently reached up and let the back of his index finger slide through your dripping folds.

Your body hissed at the contact, having dreamt of this feeling too many times since you last felt it.

With ease, he slide his finger through your entrance before leaning forward and using his mouth to devour your pussy.

You gasped and moaned as you placed your one leg over his shoulder, giving him better access.

''Fuck Lan, yes, please'' you said through breaths as he also moaned at finally tasting you again.

He pulled back to add to more fingers as you closed your eyes, rolling them to the back of your head.

''Taste so fucking delicious baby, missed this so much'' he mumbled before diving straight back in.

You could feel your orgasm approached hard and fast, and before you could even warn him it was ripping through your body, shaking you above him as you moaned one of the most obscene noises you think you've ever made.

You gushed your fluids all over his face as he tried to swallow as much of it as he could as he rode you through your orgasm.

He finally pulled back and stood up again, lets his lips latch onto yours so you could taste yourself on him. Lando pulled and bit at your bottom lip as you started to unbutton his shirt and take his belt off.

When he was left in his his jeans, he hoisted you up again, smacking your ass as he stalked to the bedroom, dropping you on the bed.

You giggled as you sat on your knees and hooked your fingers through his belt loops as he leaned down and kissed you again. You popped his bottom open and slid his jeans down, ogling at the growing bulge in his boxers as he took the jeans off completely.

You palmed his thick girth, eager to have him in your mouth. Just as you were removing his boxers he stopped you.

''You don't have to'' he said sincerely. But god, you wanted to.

So you ignored him and continued your task, groaning when you finally set him free. His dick was standing hard and tall, angrier than you'd seen before, with the vein at the side throbbing with the blood rush. You took him in your hand and licked your lips at the sight of pre cum oozing out the slit at the top.

He placed his hands on you, taking a hold of you head as you leaned forward and harshly sucked on just his tip, letting your tongue run over the slit, swallowing all the pre cum.

''Fuck me'' you heard him mumble as you took more of him in your mouth and pumping what you couldn't fit in.

You deep throated him, feeling him hit the back of your throat as his hands on your head tightened, and began a quick pace of sliding him through your lips.

Lando let out a series of moans and praises of you.

''You're so fucking good at this, don't know how I survived without it for so long, fuck y/n'' he said through gritted teeth again.

You were gagging, tears threatening to spill out the corners of your eyes.

Hearing him say all those things had your core dripping, clenching around nothing. And so as you got distracted him rubbing your thighs together, Lando took full control.

He was fucking his dick in and out of your mouth, showing it no mercy until you felt him start to twitch uncontrollably.

''Fuck y/n, gonna cum, yeah?'' he said. You knew he was asking if he should cum in your mouth or pull out.

But you didn't slow your actions. Instead you fondled with his balls, pulling at the tightly until he could barely hold his body up, ropes of warm cum shooting down the back of your throat.

Fuck he tasted good you thought as you rode him through.

Words had long left his mind as all he did was let out his own obscene moans and groans, slipping your name in in-between.

You pulled back as you swallowed everything and sent him a sheepish smile. You were both spent and you hadn't even fucked yet.

Lando pushed you down and hovered above you, kissing you again as you wrapped your legs around his body, begging him for more.

''Lan please, i need you to fuck me, please''

Normally he would tease you for begging like that, but he wanted nothing more than the same.

So he pumped himself a few times, sliding through your folds and lining himself up at your entrance.

''Ready baby?'' he asked.

You nodded eagerly.

He pushed in, quickly, stretching you out. It burned, since the last time you had sex it was with Lando when he fucked you before the breakup.

You held you breath as he bottomed out, stopping his movements to allow to you get used to the intrusion.

''You ok?'' he asked after a few seconds.

''Yeah, I am. You can move'' you whispered.

And he did. He pulled out and slammed back into you roughly.

Your nails were digging into his back, probably drawing blood as all you could was moan at how he felt.

His own moans were more pornographic that ever, and he quickly set a pace that was so rough and hard, but felt so fucking good.

''Lan, yes, fuck, uh'' you said, groaning with each thrust as his mouth found your nipples to suck and bite at.

''So fucking tight my angel. Feels so good. Taking me so fucking good'' he moaned.

''Not gonna last long'' you managed to mumble.

''Don't hold it in. let it out baby'' he said, bringing his fingers down to toy with your clit.

In no time you felt the warmth build up in your stomach as you pulled Lando's head up for a dirty kiss, spit from the blowjob still messy around your mouth and chin.

''Fuck Lan, I'm gonna cum'' you said as your body shuddering with your orgasm fluttering through you, your inner walls clenching around his cock almost painfully.

He didn't slow his movements though. He whispered dirty words into your ear and you instantly felt yourself getting worked up again, waiting for another blissful orgasm.

Suddenly he stopped his movements. Your eyes flew open, ready to protest as he slid out of you and sat against the headboard.

''Need to feel you ride me, please'' he begged as he helped you to your knees as your straddled him.

You both sat there, panting as you took a hold of his cock and sank down on him, gripping his shoulders tightly as you set another hard and fast pace, bouncing up and down on him.

Lando's eyes flew to your boobs, his mouth agape as he watching them move with you.

''So fucking hot baby. Gonna fuck a baby into you one day and see how your boobs grow even bigger''

All you managed to do was moan at his words as you leaned down and captured his own nipple into your mouth, biting and sucking at it as he was now meeting you half way, fucking into you.

''Fuck Lan, you feel so good'' you said, feeling another orgasm approaching quickly.

''Hmm baby'' he mumbled.

You moaned loud as you orgasmed again, your fluids gushing out of you and making a mess.

''Feel's so fuckin tight'' Lando moaned as you started to feel his movements get sloppier.

He was in control again since your body was still shaking and tired from your orgasm as his cock started twitching inside of you.

In minutes he was cumming in you, praising your name to no end as sheets of warm cum filled you up. His own body shaking and shuddering against yours.

As you rode through your orgasms and slowed your pace you looked at Lando again, taking in his disheveled state, eyes still dark, mouth agape letting out little breaths, hair messy and stuck to his forehead, sweat dripping down his face and onto his body. He was as spent as you felt.

He puled you closer and gave you the sweetest smile.

''Thank you'' he said, pecking your nose.

''I love you Lan, I never stopped. And i want to be with you. Forever. you cooed.

''I love you too baby, always, and thank you for giving me another change. I won't hurt you again. I promise.'' he said, kissing your knuckles.

You leaned against him, both content just being in each others' arms again, as you felt him soften in front of you.

''Shower?'' he said, smirking.

You grinned. ''Always,'' before kissing him for the millionth time tonight.

[cheriladycl01]

Could you fic for Fernando Alonso with wife reader? They're on vacation during the winter and she's cold, so she take a water bottle and cradle it. Nando saw it and felt jelly and left out🤭 I don't know if it make sense. Add something else to it if it's not right. Thanks!! :))

Finland Freeze - Fernando Alonso x WifeReader

Plot: Fernando decided to take you on a ski trip, however after testing out the bunny slopes and multiple falls you need to go back to the log cabin for some warmth, however Fernando feels as though he should be that warmth instead!

"Come on. It's not that hard!" your husband Fernando laughed from the bottom of the small hill. You look down at him, from up here the slope looked huge.

There was multiple kids going past you, throwing themselves into the activity while you stayed there apprehensively.

"Come on mi amor!" he shouts up to you. You take a few more seconds before starting pushing yourself down the slope on the ski's. You start to speed up and you try leaning into the turn but end up just plopping down into the icy slope. You look up, pulling your goggles up seeing your husband laughing at you with his hands on his knees.

A dad laugh.

You got up quickly rubbing the snow away from your now probably bruised bum. You start up again, taking the turns a little slower and manage to get down to your husband with only 2 more slip ups.

As you neared him, he opened his arms wide as if you were a toddler coming towards him. You however didn't fully slow to a stop, and end up falling in between his legs taking him down with you.

"Offph, I know when i married you I said till death do us part... but your taking that very seriously!" he jokes looking over you before helping you up from the snowy floor.

"Your the one who got me to come to Finland with you! I would have happily spent my winter in Dubai, or Australia!" you comment, pulling him into a hug.

The next few times and he comes down the hill with you, holding your hand and making sure to balance you back out when you start to skid.

After a few more hours, your getting too cold, your cheeks fully red and not enjoying the dropping temperatures. You say that you'll go back to the cabin on the ski resort to warm up while Fernando goes on the big slopes with his personal trainer.

You get in, changing from the damp skiing gear you were sporting and wrapping a dressing gown around you while you shove it all in the washing machine.

You quickly make your way over to the bathroom getting in the warm shower and rinsing of your body, keeping it on a warm temperature to try and warm up the furthest bits of your body.

You stayed there for at least 45 minutes, where you fingers slowly started to resemble prunes. You put on joggers and a hoodie of your husbands and some big fluffy socks. You make you way down to the living area turning the kettle on immediately. You grab the matches and light the wood inside the fireplace that Fernando had put there the previous night when you both realized you'd used most of it up.

Once the kettle has boiled you split the water, most of it going into the pink fluffy hot water bottle you'd conveniently taken with you, even though you'd been told you wouldn't need it. The other goes into making yourself a tea, using the last of the milk you guys had brought for the cup, noting you'd have to go to the little shop on the lodge sight later tonight.

You grab multiple unhealthy snacks that Fernando always held a grudge when he saw you lazing around on the sofa and his cheat day foods in hand on a random Wednesday.

You set yourself up on the sofa under a white fluffy blanket, nesting yourself down in between the large pillows. You hug the hot water bottle and turn on a new crappy rom-com in the Netflix recommended.

Fernando walks in the door, snow in his hair from the growing snow storm outside making you chuckle at his gruff entrance despite his small stature.

He walk over to you and leans down kissing your lips making you recoil away and bury down into your blankets more due to the coldness he brought.

"No kisses?" he asks looking at you with a tilted head and puppy dog eyes.

"You're cold hermoso" you smile shyly, not wanting to be rude but also wanting to keep warm.

"Hmmmm, i'll get changed and then you've got to let me in that bundle of warmth!" he exclaims before crossing over to the bedroom.

He comes back in a pair of shorts and t-shirt the outfit making your eyes widen shocked that he could even possibly be warm in that outfit. He starts to climb into your nest you've created pulling a random wrapper off you and into the little bin behind you both before he starts to undo all your hard work of keeping the warmth in.

"Mmmmm no please!" you complain hugging the water bottle closer trying to keep the warmth.

"I'm hurt mi amor! This bottle is a better source of heat than me? Your husband?" he asks looking over you and you want to nod you really do but his expression makes you just stay still as he starts to pull the blanket away from you. He lays down, re-wrapping the blanket around himself when he pulls your hot water bottle away.

You groan out a complain.

"Mmmm I'm better than this stupid bottle!" he says before snaking his hands up under your hoodie making you shiver and whine from how cold his hands are.

"Fernando!" you gasp when he fully flattens his hands on your back.

"We'll warm up soon" he smiles fully laying on your and hugging your body into his.

"I was warm until you showed up" you sigh starting to play with his hair that was under the blanket so your finger tips didnt get too cold.

Eventually the fire really kicked in and your body heats started to regulate meaning you were both warming each other up nicely now, to the point where you both fell asleep in your little nest of the sofa hugging each other with the soft voices from the next movie that had automatically played on in the back ground.

Taglist:

@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @stupidandunnecessary @clayra-g @daemyratwst @honey-belden @moonypixel @lauralarsen @vader-is-hot @ironcowboycopnickel @itsjustkhaos @the-untamed-soul @beebo86 @happylittlereader @ziejustme @lou-larcher5 @thewulf @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @chillyleclerc @chanthereader @annoyingmoonballoon @summissss @evieepepi08 @havaneseoger08 @celesteblack08 @gulphulp @fandom1ruined2me @celebstories @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhh @georgeparisole @dakotatankbig @youcannotcancelquidditch @zzonsbeek @tallbrownhairsarcastic @mellowarcadefun @ourteenagetragedy @otako5811 @countingstacksandpanicattacks @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @hopexcroc @mirrorball-6 @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @bigsimperika @blueberry64857959 @eiraethh @lilypadlover @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @the-fem1n1ne-urge @21stcenturytaegi @dark-night-sky-99 @spideybv28 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @kapsylia @laneyspaulding19 @lazybot @malynn @cassielikereading @viennakarma @teamnovalak @landosgirlxoxo @marie0v @jlb20416 @yourbane @teamnovalak @nikfigueiredo @fionaschicken @0picels0 @seomako @urdad-hot @formula1mount @tinydeskwriter @butterfly-lover @ironmaiden1313

[racinggirl]

promise

Lando Norris Fic - requested

My inbox for requests

a/n: Oh my godness I'm back y'all! It's been so long! It's the first request of hopefully many to come. So far my inbox is empty again, so don't hold back to send in some requests, one, or more. You can even send some anonymously! I hope you will like this story, and keep reading to find some little extra's I added, because I loved making AU's as well. Let me know your thoughts, tips, tops, anything really. It keeps me motivated to write more, so any form of feedback is very welcomed! Now, sit back, relax, and enjoy this fic 🧡

‘’Promise.’’ You linked your pinkie finger with the 5-year-old curly haired boy, giggling as the both of you were running around the playground, hiding from his mother.

‘’Come on, I’m nearly 25 already! I can easily go on vacation on my own!’’ You had always wanted to go on a road trip, preferably with a partner on your side, but that hadn’t been the case yet. So, you decided to go alone, because why not? You were old enough to look out for yourself, even though your parents weren’t too keen on the idea of their daughter traveling around Europe on her own.

‘’The world has changed, Y/N, it’s not safe to go on your own.’’

‘’But-…’’

‘’No, you’re not going on your own, end of story.’’

You groaned at your parents’ reaction and went to your room, frustrated, upset, but somehow you got their point. They weren’t wrong, the world had changed, and wasn’t that innocent anymore. Wherever you were watching the news, reports about murder, drunken drivers, kidnappers, it was all out there.

‘There’re more crazy people out in the world than there are behind bars’ was something your father would say, and he wasn’t wrong.

However, you wished you would have been able to do what that curly haired boy did. Sometimes you were jealous of him, jealous of how he travelled all around the world, going from one country to another, flying from Finland to Australia to Bali and back to his new home, Monaco.

Him and you met when you were karting in Bristol, the both of you loving the sport more than ever. However, karting wasn’t a girl’s sport, at least not to the world at that age. That’s why you moved on from it, where he pursued his dream career, you were only there to cheer from the side lines.

You hated learning, studying, it’s something you never were good at, or at least, not in school. Whenever you saw the data on the karting track, you’d spent hours trying to understand every piece of data that was coming through.

You begged your parents to let you go to engineering school, university. They didn’t want you to, it wasn’t a ‘girl’s thing’ to do, but after you refused to do anything else, they eventually agreed on letting you go to engineering school.

4 years later, and you had your engineering degree. You couldn’t be happier, because right now it meant you might do something you’d actually enjoy. Even if it wasn’t a ‘girl’s thing’ to do, you loved it.

‘’Hey’’ you smiled as you brought the phone close to your ear, lying in bed as you checked the time.

‘’Hey, did you see?’’

‘’Oh yeah, I did.’’ You laughed, looking up at the ceiling. ‘’You were flying! Pole position baby!’’ You giggled, smiling even harder when you heard him on the other side, repeating the final three words of your sentence.

‘’You still have to come for a race someday, you know?’’ His deep voice was ringing through your ears, and it immediately made your chest feel warm, it always did, he always did.

‘’Mhm.. I know, and I will, when my parents finally let me.’’ You sighed, playing with the ropes of your hoodie.

‘’You’re almost 25, when will they ever let you do your own things?’’

‘’I don’t know,’’ you sighed heavily, ‘’when I’m 40?’’

The sound of his laugh made you sit up straight, your cheeks turning a light shade of pink as you heard his laughter.

‘’Nah, I’ll have you kidnapped by then.’’ He smiled, causing you to giggle next. ‘’They’ll destroy you when you do that.’’

‘’Good thing I have my bodyguards, then.’’ And that made your heart feel a thousand times warmer. He was never one to brag about his success, never. He always was very modest, very gentle, and never liked it whenever people talked about the amount of money he had, or how famous he was. That’s why you clicked so good. You knew each other from when you were 3 years old, and he knew you liked him as a friend, and not because he was a driver.

‘’I asked them if I could go on a road trip, alone.’’ You quietly said, hearing how he fumbled around on the other side of the line. A soft ‘hold on, I’m busy’ made you smile, knowing he told whoever was there to wait, because he was talking to you.

‘’And let me guess, they wouldn’t let you go alone because the world is dangerous.’’

‘’Yep, exactly.’’ You sighed but sat up straight when you heard him gasp.

‘’Lando, what did you do?’’

‘’Nothing.’’

‘’What are you thinking?’’

Silence…

‘’Lando?’’

‘’Come with me.’’ You could hear his grin through the phone, and he could hear your brains working overtime because he immediately started to explain himself. ‘’You won’t be alone, you’ll be with me, my team, my crew.’’ He said. ‘’You can travel the world with me, I might even be able to work around some things here to have you here for some sort of internship, so you won’t have any expenses, and you’ll be able to come to the races with me. Your parents know me, I’m not a stranger.’’

You wanted to say yes, you wanted to give in because honestly, it was a great idea.

‘’But, and these aren’t my worlds, but you’re famous, Lando, and you-…’’

‘’I’m still the same Lando from 20 years ago.’’

‘’I know, I know that, but my parents don’t, you know how they are…’’

You hated the fact you just basically told him you couldn’t go with him because he was famous, and you hated that word as much as he did. Your parents were always so fond of him, they loved him, but they also always made sure to tell you that he had a lot of money, was very well known around the world and that most famous people weren’t the same people they were before they had the money. They’d say that the fame got to their heads, but it wasn’t the same with Lando. He had always been that giggly, funny, sweet, and caring boy, but simply because he wasn’t around during Christmas dinners, or the traditional ‘start of spring’ picnic, they assumed he felt too good for those kinds of things. You explained to them that he was just busy, that because of his job, the start of spring was in the middle of the start of the season, and that he simply couldn’t make it. But they were your parents, stubborn as always.

‘’Y/N?’’

‘’Hmm, sorry, what?’’ You said, hearing him chuckle on the other side of the phone.

‘’Let me talk to them, okay? Let me try to convince them, because honestly, you wouldn’t be the only one to benefit from that decision.’’ He whispered, causing your cheeks to heat up again.

‘’Okay.’’

‘’Lando?’’ Your parents were surprised to see him at your front step. He promised you he’d come to talk to your parents, and he always keeps his promises.

‘’Y/F/N, Y/M/N, it’s been a while, it’s good to see you again.’’ He was always very polite. Calling your parents by their first name was something you always did; you did the same with Adam and Cisca.

It was a good conversation, you occasionally tried to mix yourself into it. A reassuring smile from the curly haired boy made you confident enough to speak up to your parents, and this time, with success, because only a few weeks after your conversation you were packing your clothes.

One year. For one year you’d join Lando with his journey around the world. You had no idea how he did it, and especially this fast, but he had managed to give you an internship position at McLaren, meaning you could come along to the races, the dream scenario for every Lando-girl out there.

‘’You’re the best, you know?’’ You laughed, placing your phone on the bed as you zipped up your suitcases. Instead of living here in London with your parents for a year, you and him both decided it would be the best if you would live in his apartment near Woking. It was still close to home, and to the factory.

He was the best one could imagine, and you knew he was, because he was always there, and he always kept his promises.

You put your phone away and collected the things you had to before ordering a taxi to head straight to the airport. You had been living in his apartment for almost 2 weeks now, and things were good, they were great. He occasionally came to Woking for work, but also to spend time with you. You were best friends ever since, and nothing could ever change that.

The moment you arrived on the airport you felt it again. Those feelings you have been trying to ignore the moment they appeared again, the moment your brain wandered off and thought of him. He always made you feel that way, but you ignored it, always. It might sound cliché, and you hated thinking about it because in every romance book it got romanticized. Having feelings for your best friend never worked out great, except in those books.

But reality is, you’re not living in a book, you’re living in the real world, and it was dangerous. Feelings weren’t mutual all the time, and you didn’t want to find out if it was the case this time because you didn’t want to get your heart broken, so being friends made you be close, feel good without the heartbreak ending it.

It went quick, you got in the jet and 1 hour and a few minutes later you were already back on the ground. He was right, it was faster. Of course he was right, he always was, and that made you fall for him even more, how silly it may sound.

He had texted you, saying he was waiting in his car because of the fans wandering at the airport. Someone spotted his car on the way here, and the FBI agents they are, they immediately put one and one together. He was picking up someone, or his girlfriend, something most fans would say.

‘’Hey.’’ You smiled as you embraced him in a tight hug, he smelled good, he always did. A mix of Dior Sauvage and his own scent made you inhale his scent deeply. It felt like home. You explained him that mixing 3 very expensive perfumes wasn’t making him smell 3 times better, he used to mix most of his perfumes until you made that comment. He asked which one you liked the most, and ever since you mentioned Sauvage all he wore was that. But you never noticed the reason was because you mentioned it, you always thought he simply liked that fragrance the most.

‘’Hey, how was the flight?’’ He opened your car door after helping you put the suitcase in his trunk, the real gentleman he was, and hopped in the driver’s seat.

‘’Amazing, the most relaxing flight I’ve ever had.’’ You sighed, putting on your seatbelt before looking over at him, how he started the car and drove out of the parking garage.

You talked more, about the flight, about how things were at the apartment, his apartment here in Monaco, you even talked about your plans these next upcoming days.

‘’We’ll go to London tomorrow.’’ He whispered. The both of you were laying on his couch in his apartment here in Monaco. Instead of watching TV, you had moved the couch so you both could see the harbour, and the sun setting in the ocean.

The couple of weeks you had been here were the best you ever experienced. You did many things, from shopping to karting in Italy, a day at the beach in France, simracing and even streaming. You made chat very clear you were best friends and nothing more, but when people in chat started to ask about his feelings, and about yours, he told you, quietly, to not answer and ignore them, whatever that might have meant.

‘’Really?’’ Your smile grew wider when he mentioned that. It would be your birthday in 2 days, and you always spent your birthday at home, with your family and friends. Last year he couldn’t make it, as the season started the day your birthday was, but this year he made his way around it. Your birthday was on Tuesday, so Wednesday you’d both fly with his jet to Bahrein for the first race of the year.

‘’Mhm, I wouldn’t want to break your birthday tradition.’’ He smiled, his lips placing a tender kiss on your temple. You were lying when you said your feelings towards him hadn’t grown these couple of weeks with him in Monaco. Everything he did gave you tinglings in your stomach and you couldn’t help ignoring them anymore. You surrendered to the fact you had a crush on him, you liked your best friend, and it was the best feeling ever.

‘’Happy Birthday!’’ Your parents were waiting in the living room when you entered the house. They decorated the entire room with balloons, garlands, and pictures from your first till your 24th birthday.

‘’Smile!’’ They held the camera out in front of you, and you immediately felt an arm wrapped around your shoulder. This caused your smile to grow even wider.

‘’Happy Birthday, beautiful.’’ He whispered in your ear, pressing a kiss to your temple as his scent immediately went through your nose.

‘’Thank you…’’ You whispered, looking into his bright eyes and immediately looking down after, trying to hide the fact you were blushing because of his actions.

Later that evening, after you spent time with your family and friends, you and Lando went back to his apartment. You got many gifts, and you couldn’t be happier about this day.

‘’How was your day?’’ You felt the vibrations of his deep voice going through your entire body, leaning against him as you were seated on the couch of his apartment.

‘’Amazing.’’ You smiled. ‘’Couldn’t be better.’’

‘’Oh, but I think it can.’’ He reached for something in his bag, and once he got the box, he handed it to you. ‘’Happy Birthday, beautiful.’’ He whispered again, watching how you opened the box slowly.

You pulled the black coloured leash that was hanging from the side of the box and gently placed it on the table in front of you. You lifted the lid and grabbed the small bag inside of the box.

‘’Lando.’’ You gasped, touching the velvet bag and opening it slowly. Tears were burning in your eyes at this point, because you realised he made all this effort to get the perfect gift for you. And he succeeded because it was more than perfect.

‘’This is way too crazy.’’ You whispered, feeling how he moved your hair to the side, helping you clipping the silver Swarovski necklace around your neck.

‘’Look inside.’’ He said, tucking some hair away from your face with his fingers, causing your nervousness to grow even more.

You opened the necklace and smiled when you saw the picture inside. It immediately gave you flashbacks, because even though you were only 4 and 5 years old, it was the brightest memory you had from the two of you.

FLASHBACK

‘’Dating is stupid! Kissing is stupid!’’ You laughed when you were seated on the swing, holding tightly when Lando pushed you carefully.

‘’I know! My mommy and daddy kiss when daddy comes home from work and it’s so weird!’’ He laughed, making sure you wouldn’t fall from the swing.

‘’Lando! Y/N! Come on, it’s time to go home!’’ You heard Cisca calling for the both of you, and you jumped off the swing immediately.

‘’Come on, run!’’ He held your hand and while the both of you laughed, you ran to the playground, hiding from Lando’s mom. ‘’Shhh..’’

You stayed there for almost 5 minutes, which seemed like an eternity when you’re just 4 years old. ‘’I have an idea.’’ The curly haired boy smiled and held your hand tightly.

‘’Okay, tell me!’’ You giggled.

‘’When we’re both 25 and we’re still single, I’ll ask you to marry me.’’ He smiled, causing you to giggle and laugh, him doing the same. ‘’Okay!’’

‘’Lando! Y/N, come on we have to go, it’s getting dark!’’ You ran away again, running around the playground as you linked your pinkie finger with him. ‘’Promise’’.

END OF FLASHBACK

After he clipped the necklace around your neck, he took a hold of your hand and grabbed the second box in his bag. He kneeled in front of you, a smile on his lips as he opened the box with one hand.

‘’Marry me.’’ He whispered. ‘’Not now, don’t worry. But one day. You know I am a man of my word, and I still remember that day so well.’’ He smiled, looking at your necklace and then back into your eyes. He always maintained eye contact with you, and it made you feel safe and secure, because you know you can trust those eyes.

‘’I’ve been counting the days till your birthday, knowing that the day you turned 25, I was able to ask this question. I’m lying when I say I was hoping you wouldn’t find someone to be by your side, because, and maybe I’m being selfish, but I want to be that man. It’s too fast to immediately ask you to marry me, because I can’t force you to say yes, but God… Y/N. See this as a promise ring. See this as a promise ring that we’ll be together, that I’ll be the man in your life that makes you the happiest you’ll ever be.’’

Tears were streaming down your face as you listened to every word he said. Every word chosen so carefully yet so chaotically, because this is the moment you knew you weren’t the only one feeling this intense love for him. He felt it for you, too.

You answered him by cupping his cheeks with your hands and doing the one thing you have been dreaming of doing for almost 22 years. You kissed him, his lips moving on yours almost instantly caused you to smile against his lips, him following your movements. This kiss was something else, something that made all the butterflies in your stomach explode with fireworks, like they were all holding a fairy light and lighting them all at the same time.

‘’I love you, Lando, I always have, and I’m so glad I can finally say it out loud now.’’ You giggled, feeling his hand reaching for yours and the ring slipped around your finger so effortlessly.

‘’I love you too, and I promise I’ll get you a proper engagement ring.’’ He whispered before pressing his lips on yours again, firmly, full of love.

2 years later

[leothil]

hey pal i’m flying to finland this week!

it’s a brutal ~24hr trip from australia and i’m wondering if you have any long fic recs that will get me through these flights? 🙏🏼🙏🏼

(with no or minimal spice bc i cannottttt read that with other people around)

Oh hey, welcome to the north! I hope we can offer you slightly better weather than today (gray with rain) once you land! Let's see what I can dig out:

tell me about despair by @hattalove. Obviously. Thee unrepression take on Eddie's journey during S5.

i don't swim and you're not in love by @hattalove. In which Buck is going THROUGH it while Eddie is dating Ana.

let's hear it for the boy by @hattalove. Ok I swear this list won't be only her, but Kris is always on my mind or something. In this one Eddie attends a self-empowerment group for queer men and pines horribly over Buck. Also sort of pseudo-adopts a lost angry teenager.

stitch my soul by @onward--upward. Soulmate fic where Eddie doesn't realize Buck's given name is Evan.

steppin' into fate by @onward--upward. Buddie hockey AU! I shouldn't need to say anything more!

keep me as your finish line by @btbonescanon. Buck and Eddie meet at the gym, where Buck develops a horrible crush on Eddie and then they become friends. This IS rated E, but as I recall the only smut comes in towards the very end of the fic, so it's easy to scroll past!

In the Darkest Time of Year by @elvensorceress. On a call, Buck disappears in a corn maze, and Eddie has to go through an Orpheus-esque ordeal to get him back. This is technically part three of a series, though it was first written as a standalone. You can check out parts 1 and 2 as well!

snowed inn by @gayhoediaz. Competing journalists buddie get stuck at the hotel they're there to write about, and Buck is forced to confront what his feelings towards Eddie really are. Has one smutty scene towards the end iirc.

a good day to be by @hetrez. My favourite fic of all time. Dance instructor Eddie meets Buck, who fills his life with colour again.

i want your midnights by @littlespoonevan. Buck needs to move out from Abby's place, and Eddie decided to rent out his spare room to help cover his bills. A different first meeting roommates fic!

your dreary mondays by @henswilsons. Eddie needs a babysitter, and Chimney suggests Maddie's brother who recently moved back to town. Cue Eddie losing his mind over everything Buck is.

let the world have its way with you by @shitouttabuck. Buck makes a bucket list to feel more settled after dying in the lightning strike, and Eddie helps him fulfill them. Does have a smut scene towards the end.

These are all 30k+ fics, I hope they'll last you at least part of the way! I can make another list with more long fics later if you want, but here's these for now!

[beelearnsfinnish]

weekly recap: week 06 [03.02.25 - 09.02.25]

studying

Finnish

Being honest I have spent so little time with Finnish this past week(s) but in my defense, it's exam season and all my study time has gone towards my degree. But I finish exams on Tuesday and will get back on track for at least 2 weeks before my Finland trip! Pretty excited about that, and to see if I notice any change in my level once I'm there.

I've kept up with my daily watch of the news, tho I've dropped the daily Drops. It was starting to become quite repetitive again, so I've decided to set it aside for a while, and once I have time try to update my flashcards and use them as the daily vocab review.

I've been watching couple of youtube videos, maily from the Finnish Language Nuggets, really enjoying those. I've also tried a couple of shows in Yle, but most of them arent available outside Finland and I have yet to find one that I can somewhat understand and it's watchable

My degree

Exam season! I had my first exam on Thursday and tho I was pretty worried cause it was bit difficult subject, about laws and stuff I can't just come up with answers based on my previous knowledge of the area, it went really well! Got a 9,25 so pretty happy about it.

I have my next two on Tuesday and then I'll be free. I'm more confident in one than in the other, but the subjects are easier and I'm praying for full test exams so will see. Can't wait to be done, these exams are taking years of my life away i stg.

Others

Haven't had time to do anything related to the Hygieniapassi test, but as soon as I finish my exams I'll completely focus on it, I'll have two weeks ish before the exam. Being honest I'm more worried about the exam itself (getting to the right place, understanding signs and instructions etc) than the contents, but still know I have to focus on some of the more specific subjects.

life updates

Nothing mayor to update on. Had some shitty past weeks but we're coming back out of it. I have my holiday soon so can't wait for that (can't wait to see my bf but also just be in Finland, where I'm always very happy and in peace, and no work no studying just relax)

Did a fun plan today tho! Had my monthly bookclub meeting. February's pick was Heartless by Marissa Meyer and I think it's the book I've enjoyed the most up to date. Had a really lovely morning in a cute cafe with the girls. Not very sure about next month's pick tho, as we go back to the romance romance 🥲

media update

📖 Heartless - Marissa Meyer - 4.5 ⭐️

🎬 La chica de nieve 2 - Spanish Tv show

🎧 Ankles - Lucy Dacus

[haddonfieldwhore]

i swear i’ll never leave again - aleksander barkov

aleksander barkov x reader 🌴 part 2 to florida!!!

summary: an old flame has been rekindled; is the second time the charm?

warnings: a mixture of aleksander and sasha used throughout, angst/bittersweet, nsfw implied

word count: 1.9k

the cool water of the evening tide tickled your toes as it crept up the shore of the beach, the wind blowing softly over your bare skin and sending a shiver up your spine. the sun had begun to set, painting the sky in vivid shades of orange and pink, with fluffy white clouds stretching across the sky.

“do you want to head home?” sasha asked, sitting next to you and placing a kiss on your shoulder. you shivered again from his touch, and leaned into him, resting your head against his chest. his white t-shirt was slightly damp and clinging to his skin in spots where his torso had still been wet from the ocean when he’d put it on.

“not yet,” you sighed, closing your eyes and listening to the sound of the water.

if you went home - sasha meaning his house where you were staying - the night was over; your last night in florida.

it had been 3 months since you and sasha had first reconnected, and any chance that you could see eachother since then, the two of you had found a way to make it happen. whether he was in your hometown for a game, or he paid for you to come spend a few days with him in florida while he was home, like he had done now.

you had spent the last 3 days glued to him, and you were dreading waking up tomorrow morning, knowing you would be going home; and going to bed alone.

“it’s getting late,” he said, a defeated tone in his voice. “your flight is pretty early tomorrow, you should get some sleep.”

you knew he was right, even if you didn’t want him to be. he always was.

“can’t we just stay here like this forever?” you asked, crawling into his lap, straddling his legs that were outstretched in front of him. his large hands slid up your thighs, brushing crystals of sand off your skin in their wake, and up your sides until they cradled your face.

“i want to,” he agreed, smiling softly until he saw a tear fall from your eye, and his face fell. his thumb gently wiped it away, and he kissed your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment.

“we must have something good here, or else it wouldn’t be so hard to say goodbye,” you sighed.

“it doesn’t have to be goodbye,” he offered.

“sasha-“ you looked down. “i don’t want to leave.”

“you don’t have to,” he replied. “i don’t want to watch you go again.” this was the first time he had said it out loud, even if you both knew it already. you thought back to finland, when you walked away from your life with him the first time, and the piece of you that had been missing ever since. until now.

“i want to, more than anything. but i have a whole life back home, a job, my friends…” you said, but you knew in your heart that your home was here, with him. you were just scared to admit it. if he asked you to leave it all behind and stay here, you knew you wouldn’t be able to say no.

“i know,” he pulled you close, kissing your neck softly as he nestled his face against your collarbone. “i know.”

if you could freeze time, you would have in that moment. you didn’t know what else to say, so you said nothing, opting to sit in silence and try to enjoy the feeling of being wrapped up in eachothers arms.

•

two months passed without seeing sasha again, and it was starting to wear on you noticeably. it wasn’t for lack of trying, but your schedules didn’t line up, and you could only afford to take so many vacations from work.

your friend jamie was currently over, and while you were trying to be a good host, you were not in the mood to entertain. you had told her about sasha when you got back from florida the first time, after you had spent the remainder of your trip spending as much time catching up with him as possible. you only had a week together to make up for the years you had spent apart, but you had fallen for him all over again, and he was just as head over heels for you as he had been in college. she was ecstatic that you two had decided to give things a second try, and had even met sasha when he visited you at home on the last panthers road trip.

“you miss him,” jamie said, unable to ignore the cloud of gloom that hung over you lately. at least, when aleksander wasn’t around. you thought back to when she had said the same thing on the phone months ago, before you had reached out to him again, and you had tried to deny it. but it wasn’t a question when she said it the first time, and it sure as hell wasn’t now.

“so much, j,” you agreed, your lashes wet with tears that threatened to spill over your cheeks as she embraced you in a hug.

“have you thought about moving out there to florida?” she asked.

“of course i have, i think about it all the time. but he’s away so much, and i’d be there by myself.”

“beats being alone here,” she offered, and you managed a smile.

“but you’re here. my whole life is here.”

“is it?” she asked. “i love you, you know that, but what’s really keeping you here? your job? is that really something you can see yourself doing for the rest of your life? can you see yourself living in this apartment for the rest of your life?”

“i guess not,” you sighed. you hadn’t thought about it like that. maybe you were just scared to throw everything away in case things didn’t work out with sasha.

“so what’s stopping you!” she smiled. “i know he’s on the road a lot, but wouldn’t it be better to be there waiting for him when he gets home, instead of being miserable here wondering when you might get to see him again?” she asked.

you knew you had been making excuses in your mind, but you were too scared to admit the truth until now.

“maybe im just waiting for him to ask me to stay.” jamie looked at you with a look that too you she meant what she said next with love, but it still stung, even if she was right.

“maybe he’s afraid to because the last time he did, you said no.”

•

“hey,” you smiled, as you wrapped your arms around sasha’s shoulders in a bone crushing hug. you had just landed in florida, and as always he insisted on picking you up at the airport, like a true gentleman. you kissed his lips gently, wanting nothing more than to melt into him completely, but knowing he wasn’t one for pda, that could wait until you were behind closed doors.

“hi,” he smiled back, his arms around your waist as he held you close. it had been three months since you had seen him, and it felt like an eternity, despite texting or calling each other every day. it was miserable to be apart for so long, emotionally and physically, and you couldn’t wait to get to his house so you could spend the next few hours showing him just how much you’d missed him .

he carried your suitcase to his car, loading it into the trunk before driving to his house. you spent the short duration of the drive (which somehow felt like forever) catching up on anything you had missed telling eachother. sasha always kept you updated on the team and how they were doing, as if you didn’t watch every game.

“we play the next five games at home, so i’m home for about two weeks,” he explained.

“that’s pretty nice,” you smiled, though you couldn’t help but think about how much you wished you could stay for the whole home stand. you were using the last of your vacation days for this visit, unbeknownst to aleksander, and in just four days had to fly home.

but you didn’t want to think about that right now.

all you wanted to think about was the man next to you, and as he turned into his driveway and led you inside, you quickly found it hard to think about anything besides the feeling of his lips on yours.

•

the next few days went by way too fast, and suddenly it was your last morning waking up in sasha’s arms. you snuggled closer into his chest and willed yourself to fall back to sleep, so that you could wake up here again, but it was no use.

“good morning,” he kissed the top of your head softly, his arms tightening around your body that still ached from the previous nights activities.

“good morning,” you hummed, your fingers reaching up to trace the outline of a love bite you had left on his neck.

“i wish i could wake up to this every day.”

“me too,” you whispered sadly, tracing patterns with your finger on his bare skin.

“maybe….” he trailed off, and he had spoken so softly, you wondered if you had imagined it.

“you have to go back today?” he asked, though he knew the answer. you had told him when you planned the trip that it would only be a few days.

“yeah,” you nodded, taking a deep breath. you were both silent for a few minutes until sure of what to say, until you found the words. “i love you aleksander,” you confessed for the second time; the first having been back in college.

“you do?” he asked, seeming surprised. of course you did - how could you not?

while you had made your relationship official only a month after your first visit to florida, you hadn’t said those three little words yet since getting back together.

you rolled over so you were laying on top of him, looking up to face him as he sat up slightly to lean against the headboard.

“i do,” you agreed. “i love you.”

he smiled at you, cradling the side of your face in his hand, and you closed your eyes, trying to memorize the feeling of his touch.

“i love you too,” he beamed. “i wish you didn’t have to go.”

“i know. me too.”

“is there anything i could do to make you stay?” he asked, and you blinked in disbelief.

“you mean.. stay here with you? like move to florida?” you asked, only for clarification; you didn’t want your emotions to misinterpret what he meant. his eyes refused to meet yours, and a light blush covered his cheeks.

“if you don’t want to i understand-“ he began, but you cut him off with a kiss.

“just ask -“ you smiled. “if you want me to stay, all you have to do is ask.”

sasha smiled back at you, pulling you up into his lap, and you slid your arms behind his neck, kissing him deeply.

“stay with me,” he whispered against tour lips when you parted for air. you smiled.

“i swear i’ll never leave again.”

disclaimer: all screenshots, events, and/or interactions depicted in this are a work of fiction. i have no association with any parties mentioned

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

Smoke and Mirrors

Due to Ville’s fame, him and Y/N have kept their open relationship relatively private. That is, of course, until she lays eyes on Bam.

Ville Valo X Fem!Reader X Bam Margera

(Fluff)

1.6k Words

Warnings: Highly suggestive content, open relationships, flirting, cheating mention, alcohol, smoking, voyurism, sex tapes, masturbation, fake dating, makeouts, manhandling

An: Thank you for sending in your requests! This fic is releasing really close to my birthday, so I guess it’s sorta a present for myself! XD I really liked the dynamic I created between the three of them in this one (think My Girlfriend’s Girlfriend ;) ), so if you’re interested in seeing more, drop me a request and lmk what you wanna see!

Intrigue flashed in your eyes as your gaze ran across the dense, lurid bar tucked away in the bowels of Helsinki. So near to you boyfriend on the stool next to you, you could feel the softness of his skin brush up against your cheek, you murmured softly in Ville’s ear, “Y’know, your friend’s kinda cute.” It’s a phrase about ninety nine percent of men would be a little peeved to hear from the mouth of their girlfriend.

Ville was not one of these men. Turning away from his cigarette so as to be nose to nose with you, he gave you that piercing, discerning gaze and raised an eyebrow, “So? We’re not married.” He gestured with a flick of a nimble, white finger. “Go talk to him.”

So you did, squeezing past leather-clad shoulders to where the recently released convict population was playing pool on a warped table in the rear. Bam was there too. Eyes down and mind hard at work on some galaxy brained strategy, he didn’t notice your presence until his elbow brushed by your side. Just drunk enough he wouldn’t be startled, he turned, “Oh, hey!”

Black fingernails running across the pink battle scars that streaked the skin of his forearm, you leaned in a breath too close to be friendly, “How’s the game?” The tip of Bam’s pool cue left a blue chalk streak on the felt.

Bam’s eyes had that mix of arousal and shame as his gaze slowly drifted over, looking at you as if you’d asked for a lock of his hair. “What’s goin’ on here? Aren't you…” Tuning out the live band and the staring fans, he paused, voice lowering with suspicion, “Aren't you, like- with Ville?” Well yeah, Bam knew that you were. But he needed some clarification as to why the hell you would be all cozy with him and not your boyfriend.

Sighing softly, you leaned back on the pool table as you explained, the overhead light casting shadows on your face, “Yeah, I mean- we go out, but nothing’s official. It’s…I guess you could say it’s open.”

When you first started dating, you made an agreement with Ville. Rockstar hyper fame, as we all know, is a key ingredient in the recipe for strict monogamy. Wanting to assuage your concerns, he suggested that you should be given the same liberties as he had. Ville was just that kind of reasonable guy- however, that didn't mean either of you got a free pass to sleep around. It had to be a person you knew and trusted.

Well that made it sound better. Even after that explanation, Bam was skeptical, convinced this was some sort of test. Dropping his pool cue, he went over to where your boyfriend was sitting alone at the bar, and from a distance you could make out bits and pieces of the conversation as he ran it by him. “Dude, your girlfriend’s hittin’ on me.” Ville blinked, murmured something witty and dry. Through the loud music and unruly crowds, you could distinctly make out that telling lilt in Bam’s voice, “Seriously? You wouldn’t, like- hate me forever…?”

See, he had the idea that this was some kinda sex thing, which wouldn’t be that rash of an assumption considering the last time Bam stepped foot in you and Ville’s bedroom. On his last trip to Finland, he got this great idea that could only stem from his particular flavor of directorial vision and flair for the dramatic. “So, fr’the video, what d’you think about this? The two’a you gonna be havin’ sex- like, on the bed an’ shit,” Bam explained, quickly adding to cover his ass, “but it’s not like a porno or anything! It’s, like- artistic.”

Yeah, and it was in the best interest of Mr. Director to be watching from that armchair at the foot of the bed. Watching Ville’s hand slither up your thigh, the cigarette clenched between his teeth twitched imperceptibly. In the silence between your soft noises like sin, Bam tossed out halfhearted, lazy directions to keep up the facade, one hand on the camera, the other…well, you get the idea.

And for a moment, between the gentle touches and slow, lingering kisses, you could’ve sworn you caught Ville making sidelong eye contact with Bam, for what certainly was longer and more meaningful than a glance. It was a challenge, it was an invitation- It was weird…and sexy.

But Bam wasn’t watching from the end of the bed anymore- not after that little incident at the bar. “Why don’t you room with us tonight?” Your boyfriend cooed, leaning on the doorframe of his adjoining hotel room. You got a front row seat to this: Ville, beckoning like bait calls an animal into a trap.

Bam spun from where he was stripping down to see him silhouetted, backlit by the light. If this scene were in a movie, the camera would slow pan up Ville’s pale, lithe frame with a slow, sexy brass sting. Rack focus to half dressed Bam, bewildered. If you craned your head only slightly from your spot on the bed, you could see the eager look that flashed across his face as he kicked off his jeans.

Sharing beds. He’d done that before. The difference was that this time, there was a chick involved. Still, Bam thought you were hot since Ville introduced you to him, but there was no way in hell he’d act on that…well, not until he got permission. Amused at how he clumsily nudged in, you snuggled in under Bam’s arm, laying your cheek against the spiraling filigree on his chest. He felt different than your dirging wisp of a boyfriend: wider framed, sturdy in the way that he could take a few good bites to those slumping shoulders of his.

Drifting in all cooly from out of nowhere and slipping quietly between the linens, Ville gave you a coy, almost proud glance. He let out a graceful hum as Bam’s hands slid down the bumps of his ribs, resting at the curve of his back. And it felt perfect- just perfect. There the three of you were, settling in for a heavy, vineous night, together like a litter of puppies.

Within the week, Bam warmed up to the arrangement. From your time on set while he worked out the video, watching him do his little director thing, you got a front row seat to his typical antics and often found yourself entangled in them. Take for example when Bam would impulsively park himself on your lap over a perfectly empty seat while he casually fiddled with his camera, or how midway through your between take conversations with Ville, you would feel his arms wrap around your waist from behind, nuzzling into your shirt.

If you weren't in front of a host of crew and talent, your boyfriend would have reached out and mussed up his hair- cooed something teasing and sweet, but he was smart, and he knew he had an image to uphold. You and Ville had kept your relationship private up until now, so the cover was that you were Bam’s girlfriend- which now wasn’t exactly a lie.

And that brought you to Bam’s last night in Helsinki. Behind the curtain of a V.I.P section in the back of some club, in one of those cozy, inviting little booths- so lovey that you’d curl up there and go to sleep if you didn’t have two very good reasons to stay awake seated on the pleather next to you.

Bam was in heaven, leaning his head on Ville’s shoulder in this puppyish, convivial way as you nestled up against him. Adrift in his sweet little fantasy, Bam’s eyes fell half lidded at the hand rubbing circles on the bruised skin of his hip like he was a car Ville was thinking of buying. All thin lips and tongue, Bam leaned in to kiss you languidly, playfully. Only a sliver of purple light remained between your face and his. Bodies sticking to each other the way spilled drinks feel on chipped, Formica tables, you briefly pulled away to take a draw off your cigarette.

Turning to relish in Ville’s attention while you were distracted, Bam got a few licks and coquettish nuzzles in, kissing him that same soft way he did with you. But that wasn’t fair, was it? Ville liked the power of taking turns with you, passing Bam back and forth the way you might share a bottle of wine- but it was your turn. Bam was greeted with a firm hand on his jaw, tilting him back to face you.

A coy smirk crossed your boyfriend’s face when you yanked him back, fingers tangling in the dark curls as smoky tendrils swam between your lips. Bam’s back arched into you that obscene way you only see in adult films, whining into your mouth. Yes, you were the woman Ville fell in love with, he decided, watching how you could break such a prideful man down with a little rough handling.

The memory has this dim, hazy cast over it, but after you pulled away from that rough, territory-claiming kiss, you remember the following: in loaded glances, the three of you swiftly and wordlessly agreed to take this back to the hotel room. Bam’s gotta go back to cold Pennsylvania in the morning- you just wanted to give him a little warmth to take home, that's it. Consider it a send off. Somewhere, in a hotel room, in the heart of Helsinki, three people are indulging deeply in these foreign, intoxicating pleasures.

[moomeowmin]

long time no see (⊃‿⊂)

sorry for my absence everyone i got lost in time & space & had also lost a lot of motivation to post due to my hectic end / beginning of year - but i hope to be back now regularly posting ! still trying to figure out my accounts style but for now i just want to post moomin trinkets & things from my finland trip last year & take the pressure off being super “cutesy”. okay bye bye no more lots of talking from me !!

hope everyone has a good day ฅ^._.^ฅ

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☀︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☀︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ

[homunculus-argument]

I don't know what grandmas are like around the world, but my mother's mother was a very standard central finland grandma - every summer, she would go to the woods to pick wild berries, bring home buckets of them, and make them into jam, loudly complaining of every step of the process, every step of the way. How she doesn't have the time to go pick berries, how her back and her knees hurt from picking berries, how it's such an ordeal to clean and sterilise all these fucking jars, how her feet ache from standing in front of the stove for hours as the jam boils and what a pain it is to ladle the jam into jars and label all the jar lids and how nobody in the family even wants to eat all her jam - she's got 5-7 jars of strawberry jam for each family of her children and grandchildren and everyone's got two or three uneaten jars still in their fridges from last summer, and how all of this is a terrible torture.

As a child I didn't question any part of this activity. My own entire life consisted of being forcibly dragged to places I didn't want to go, to do things I didn't want to do, so I figured that's just what being alive is like for everyone. In my teens I started to get the creeping awareness that actually, most things that adults do are in some level voluntary - even if their options are limited, they're free to choose whatever they want from the choices that are available. No power beyond her control is forcing my grandmother to do any of this. And yet, I still could not understand why she is making herself do something that she clearly hates doing and that nobody else wants her to be doing, either.

Only as an adult I realised that the part of the process that she enjoys is guilt-tripping and complaining. She's not happy unless she's miserable, and making sure that everyone else is miserable, too.

[w1ld-wr1t3r]

Sharing my fave pieces of Norrix lore:

2022: Martin flew to Monza for the GP a few weeks after they first met and flew Lando back to Amsterdam with him (shortly after Lando's breakup with Luisa)

Post-Mexican GP videos of the two of them on the DJ decks together

They met up in Dubai before going their separate ways for NYE

2023: First group trip to Finland with really sweet northern lights pics, then they went to Ibiza and Lando posted a video from a hike they went on together

Martin in Lando's drivers room in Miami, hosting "Lando TV" for his YouTube

3-4 day trip to NYC which included Martin's parents and a meeting with a recording artist Martin was working with

Trip extended to Canada where Lando posted from NOT the McLaren hotel (on Martin's balcony maybe?) the day after the race

Lando being on stage in the background for Martin's entire Tomorrowland set

They spent at least 2 weeks of 2023 summer break together

The way Lando beelined for Martin on the grid in Vegas and basically walked away from an interview

Martin joined Lando and friends on a ski trip after playing multiple shows in Asia

Lando spend NYE 2023 in Bali with Martin and his family

2024: Winter break moved from Bali to Australia, then they went on a second Finland trip, then caving in Vietnam, after which Lando did an interview and called Martin his "dear close friend"

They gave us more Vegas-like adorable moments on the grid in Saudi Arabia and Zandvoort

Lando stole a custom 1/1 shirt from Martin and wore it all over Australia during Melbourne GP week

They went to a tennis match in Monaco with Lando's sister & her bf and Martin's parents and then DJed after

Martin was in Lando's garage in China and Zandvoort even though he was there with Red Bull/Heineken. And in an interview in Zandvoort, was asked who he wanted to win and he said Lando. And then was in all of Lando's parc ferme pics after his win and spotted leaving with him (Martin in a golf cart ahead of Lando's car)

Kingsday 2024, the best day of all time which led to an interview Martin gave about Lando's nose injury and him saying he and Lando had an "instant connection"

Pics of them shopping together in a mall in Monaco after a rough run of races for Lando where strategy mistakes cost him possible wins

World Mental Health Day... enough said.

Thank you for this wonderful list! They've really been insane about each other since the very beginning, haven't they?

[allthingslinguistic]

Summer 2024 travel plans and Language Guinea Pig Diaries

In August and September, I'm doing a bunch of travel to various European countries. In order, they are:

Glasgow, Scotland for World Science Fiction Convention (WorldCon), where I'll be on a panel about Languages as World-Building and doing assorted meetups

Helsinki, Finland for the Societas Linguistica Europea annual meeting

Tartu, Estonia for a colloquium talk on Applying Linguistic Methods to Linguistic Communication at the University of Tartu and a two-part workshop on lingcomm for participants of Methodological Excellence in Data-Driven Approaches to Linguistics (MEDAL)

Nijmegen, Netherlands for some meetings with linguists

Florence, Italy to visit friends

Madrid, Spain for the publication of the Spanish translation of Because Internet by Pie de Página

I hope to run into lots of interesting people at these events! If you're already in one of these places and I know you, including from the interent, feel free to reach out and see if we can fit something in!

This whirlwind list of events and places has also gotten me thinking: this trip is going to be a fun chance to learn some more about some languages! I'm already fairly familiar with Spanish and Scottish English (I doubt people will speak much Broad Scots to me with my Canadian accent), and I'm confident on my ability to brush up on them by a bit of exposure and possibly watching a relevant movie on the way there, but the other four languages are going to take a bit more doing. Here's my initial situation, in order of familiarity:

Italian - I studied it for two years in undergrad and spent about a week in Italy shortly thereafter, and by the end of the week I was finally beginning to feel like it was starting to "click" but then I haven't really touched it since then. So I feel like it would come back with exposure but I wonder if there's something I could do in advance to help it come back sooner/faster rather than taking the whole week of being there again

Dutch - I went through the whole Duolingo tree on rapid-speed back when you could skip through lessons for new material only and not practice drills over about a year in 2019-ish just for fun and as an excuse to look up lots of Germanic roots (I studied German before I knew any linguistics so it was fun to triangulate there). Never actually been anywhere Dutch was being spoken but I did find I could get the gist of youtube videos about linguistics in Dutch so it probably needs "activation" similar to Italian

Finnish - No background except for a few linguistics factoids (case! vowel harmony!), and that it's a Uralic language (related to Hungarian but not to any of the Indo-European languages, so this is a fun chance to learn some things about a language family that's unfamiliar to me)

Estonian - Also no background, also Uralic, clearly the fun thing to do would be to learn enough bits of Estonian and Finnish that I could compare them with each other (also since I'm meeting with linguists in both countries, this would be a fun topic for small talk conversation)

At the same time, there are a lot of language learning strategies floating around out there, and I have two nearly matched pairs of languages on this list: Italian and Dutch, both of which I am pretty good at cognate languages for and have studied some a while back, so I could test two activation strategies, and Finnish and Estonian, both of which I have essentially zero familiarity with, so I could test two strategies for getting somewhere near a basic functional ability.

I have about a month until I start this cycle with a flight to Helsinki. One month, four languages. What could possibly go wrong?

Here's my tentative plan so far:

Activation, Italian and Dutch - I'm pretty sure what I need for these languages is largely as much audio imput as possible (given what's feasible around like, all the other things going on in my life). I've decided to aim to watch one or two youtube videos in Italian per day, focusing on relatively concrete, daily life topics (such as gelato making) and to listen to one episode of a podcast in Dutch per day, aiming to get through the back catalogue of Kletsheads, a podcast about multilingual children.

Why these strategies? Well, I'm meeting up with linguists in the Netherlands but not in Italy, so it makes sense to try to learn more linguistics vocab there. Also, I'm curious about the effect of medium between video and podcast: will being able to see people talking and what they're talking about have much of an effect on how much I can understand? Will I find it easier to integrate one or the other of watching videos vs listening to podcasts into my life at a practical level? Plus, will concentrating on a single, more academic topic vs watching a scattered, unsystematic list of videos have effects on my vocabulary?

Basic function, Finnish and Estonian - I'm probably looking for some phrases to say to people in shops and restaurants and the ability to pronounce things written on menus adequately and match heard words/placenames to written versions on signs. I started doing a very minimal one lesson a day on Duolingo for Finnish in January, when planning for this trip started, for the very simple reason that I was already familiar with Duolingo and it doesn't have Estonian, so I decided to just start by doing a thing I was familiar with until I got around to doing more research. I've been casting around trying to figure out a source of basic Estonian phrases online when a friend mentioned learning French on tiktok, so I searched for "learn estonian" and voila! I think I'll also aim for a video or two of Estonian phrases per day but I want to do more rewatching than with Italian or Dutch, since I'm aiming to remember specific common phrases. So maybe one rewatched video and one new video, per day? They're shorter on tiktok than on youtube.

Why these strategies? This is a comparison of Duolingo's more systematic approach with lots of repetition and gamification and word-by-word translation in a relatively sterile environment versus a more organic and free-styling approach with more grounding in real people and faces and full phrases where I'm not really trying to understand the individual words. There are lots of factors to compare and it's not a completely fair comparison since I started Duolingo in January and I only thought to start the TikTok idea this week, but hey, learning anything still counts as progress.

Summary: I have four languages, each focused on a different app: YouTube, my podcast app, Duolingo, and TikTok. Hopefully for the video apps, this will help their algorithms kick in and start recommending me further useful videos. The difference between the two video strategies is that for Italian, I'm watching monolingual videos that are aimed at people who already speak Italian and just want to learn something about the topic, whereas for Estonian, I'm watching bilingual videos aimed at English speakers who want to learn some words or phrases in Estonian.

Am I going to get these four languages mixed up? Probably! I'm hoping that choosing a different app/strategy for each is a little bit helpful on that front.

Do I think these strategies are optimal? Probably not! But I'm aiming to choose things that feel relatively clear to implement consistently, rather than getting bogged down in researching language learning methods instead of actually getting exposure to the languages. I'll probably do a basic "look up some key phrases and try to learn them" a day or two before entering each place too. And maybe shift other aspects depending on how things are going, stay tuned!

At any rate, I figured it would be more fun to blog about my attempts to use myself as a guinea pig for a few different language learning strategies here than to just do it in my own head (and hopefully help me with staying motivated). And maybe people will have tips of either language learning strategies that have worked for you in general or specific ideas for these particular languages, so this is the beginning of a series that I'm calling #Language Guinea Pig Diaries and future posts will also be posted under that tag!

[mint-ty]

a prompt if you're still doing those: bojere, taking care of bojan when he gets sick 💗

thank you!! 🥹💕 this got a bit longer, but bojere is my drug, what can you do 😌Also thank you to @nembzz for suggestions on Finnish remedies 😁💕

Bojan dragged in his hand luggage through Jere's apartment door and they shared a long hug. Several days ago Bojan had complained on their weekly phone call that he was starting to feel under the weather again, even though he just got better. Jere suggested, that maybe in that case Bojan should just change the weather, and that he's always welcome at Jere's. To his pleasant surprise, Bojan did take the offer without any further pushing.

"Sorry I can't pick you up from airport..." Jere apologized when they separated.

Bojan smiled back. "Oh don't worry! It was actually so nice remembering the route and knowing where you live."

"You want to eat something? I have food here, but I can order also. Or drink? Do you want drink? Do you want to go out?" Jere jumped right into offering anything he could think of.

"No that's okay, don't worry." Bojan sat down on the couch and immediately he felt the gravity pushing his shoulders down and he stretched out. "I'll just lay down for a moment if you don't mind." The travel wasn't long, but somehow it seeped out all the energy he had.

"Yes yes of course." Jere was hovering around Bojan, not being sure how to help. "Do you have temperature?" He asked with a heavy accent on the 'r' sounds and pressed his hand to Bojan's forehead.

Bojan smiled at Jere's touch. "No I'm fine, really."

"We should really go to sauna... I am sure it helps."

"Maybe later, okay?"

"Sinkki... You need to drink sinkki... um, zinc?"

"Jerč..." Bojan extended his hand to grab Jere's hand, who was about to run off to the kitchen. "I just need to rest for a bit, can you stay with me, please?" Bojan scootched to the wall making space for Jere, and after a brief pause Jere carefully arranged himself next to Bojan, hugging him and placing Bojan's head under his chin.

Bojan chuckled to himself. In a silent and sunny living room, with Jere's heartbeat next to his ear, of course he would immediately feel better. If there was one safe space in the whole world, it was here - in Jere's arms.

"I'm tired..." Bojan whispered and felt Jere gently brush his hair with his cheek. "I don't think I'm actually sick, but I am so god-damn tired all the time... No matter how much I sleep or eat, there's no difference."

"...Maybe you have panic again?"

Bojan had to think for a second. "I don't think so? At least I don't remember. But it feels... like I don't feel anything." Bojan burrowed his face into Jere's neck and confessed the scariest thing of all. "I don't feel motivated. I don't feel like creating lyrics or playing music, or singing... it's all a chore. I just want to... I don't want anything." He finished with a small voice.

Bojan knew that Jere would understand, but for a moment he was still scared of Jere's judgment. Would he think Bojan was giving up?

Instead Jere wrapped Bojan harder in his arms and sighed. "Bojan, I think you're burnout."

That surprised him and Bojan lifted his face to look at Jere. "From what? This year is so much easier than last year... Why would I have a burnout now?"

"Maybe if you know, you wouldn't have it?"

"Huh? So how do I get better if I don't know what's wrong?"

Jere brushed Bojan's arm and gave a soft kiss on his forehead. "You listen. Your body know what you need if you listen. If it says he don't want anything - don't do anything, just rest."

Bojan placed his head back on Jere's chest, thinking. Maybe Jere was right, Bojan's body did take him here, back into Jere's arms, almost without any conscious thought. He didn't have energy for anything, other than a spontaneous international trip to Finland it seemed.

"But I still think maybe you also are little sick too." Jere continued after a while. "So I take you to sauna later. And we drink tea and honey. And I give you socks with garlic."

"A what?"

"Garlic in sock? You don't know? You sleep and you feel better!"

"And you'll let me sleep next to you with garlicky feet?" Bojan had to laugh at that.

"Yes yes! It cure you, you will see!" Jere was looking at Bojan with an open eyes and once again Bojan wasn't sure if Jere was joking or not. But Bojan was about ready to try anything that might help. And Jere taking charge was so comforting that Bojan decided not to question the methods for now and just let Jere care for him.

"I don't have onion... I need to buy some." Jere mumbled to himself.

"Jere... You're making soup out of me?..."

"Ha! No... but I still eat you!" Jere grinned, squeezing Bojan hard to his chest.

It really was a wonder. Only twenty minutes here, and Bojan was already feeling so much better.

[codexcrow]

People keep finding the Golden Kamuy doujin I nearly wrote a full story about but I'm afraid I lost steam for it when the depression of having to go back to my home country kicked in........

Just some majorly irrelevant thoughts below for my experience over in Japan, but anyway - I truly hate to be the guy who's like "omfg place, japan, is so much cooler than (place, home country)! i should move to japan!!" but the way that all of the niche-r hobbies I enjoy are more accessible and more widely recognised in jp.... all while having better living standards.... oh buddy...

SUUUPER LONG POST AHEAD,

If I end up being the cringey adult man in somebody's life who seems to be "(thing), Japan", so be it - I'm not blind to its issues, i just happen to have a lot of aligning interests with things that exist in an accessible manner over there, and i like that everyone minds their own business. like that its safer, having grown up in an extremely unsafe area. plus the language itself is really fun to learn and nice to listen to

when I tell you being over there made me feel like I was being torn apart by the desperate need to create??? I'd be walking around enjoying myself and then go "hahaha!!! I'm having so much fun. wait. im so jealous of people that are drawing right now. i need to go to the apartment RIGHT NOW and DRAW I have so many IDEAS!!" and ended up drawing on every single train ride when I had a seat to sit on...... guh... I'd be dead tired coming back to the cramped Tokyo apartment with my friends but id still sit on the bed and draw until my eyes felt like they were falling out (even if I was drinking 200 yen soju with gang)

Here's a pic of my destroyed ass sketchbook that was empty in the beginning of our trip... mind you I also drew in my iPad a shit ton

Tokyo really felt more depressing than I expected it to, though... Especially Akihabara. I hated that place. It probably encompasses a lot of the things I disliked about being in Tokyo, with the girls lining the streets in maid outfits they clearly were tired of standing in, handling old men to cafes and shit while another girl was on a call leading them away— it rubs you wrong, idk. It was so hot out too, I couldn't help but feel bad. There was other stuff but anyway,

I think the nature spaces and temples were some of my favourite places. The museums and whatever were nice but I think all the parks were the highlight of the trip for me.

Anyway, when we were in Osaka, things felt more alive! Felt less constrained. We were there for a short time. Minō park, obviously, was another favourite experience of mine... We met a friendly older man and his wife at the temple on the way up towards the waterfall. The conversation was as follows.

(In Japanese.)

Him: "Where did you come from?"

Me: "My parents are both Russian, but I was born in Ireland (Ai-Ru-Ran-Do). We're here on a trip..." etc

Him: "Hoooh! Finland? (Fin-ran-do?)"

Me and my friend, confused: "No?"

Him: "Hmmm.... Britain? (Igirisu?)"

Me and my friend, looking at each other like ???: "uhhh, no, no, close by though! Ireland..."

And so on.

We, almost a year later, realised he must have heard us say "Island". Rather than, "Ireland". He thought our asses were trying to make him guess.

I shot up in bed one night thinking about this.

I really felt so sad I didn't get the maple leaves on the way in or out though haha.

So yeah!

Basically I just wanted to get this out because I was thinking about the doujin I was gonna write over there...

When I got back to my home, I arrived late at night and was faced with annoying, anti social behaviour on public transport on the way back that's so so common, and I felt so bitter and defeated that I came to a stark realisation a week or so after the vacation depression cleared up: my ass has to go back 😭

Since then, I've been plotting my escape from where I am while anxiously eyeing mega-quake alerts. It's not like there's not other countries I've been to that I liked, there ARE... Actually honestly I'm just gonna stop that train of thought right there.

Ugh, it frustrates me that I even feel like I have to justify wanting to leave to go over there. So many influencers and judgemental pricks who influence my hesitance to just go all in and have a reason to keep going... And I say it like that BC it fr is that serious, TO ME, TO ME IT IS THAT SERIOUS.

If I can live somewhere and see independent artists thrive every day, I feel like I can draw forever. Where I am now, it's stifling. Sometimes environment really does make a difference...

Never been to a place where I felt like my art and my experimentation with crafts could possibly belong and now that I have, I want to cry thinking about how unexpected the joy I got from experiencing the small-artist wins i saw in japan was, how jarring it was... I cried a lot when I got back, and I cried on the plane too lol. I'm so stupid sensitive.

ANYWAY if you stuck around to read my fattest, longest ramble on this blog, thanks! I think! Let me know what you think of any thoughts contained here if you feel like there's anything that stuck out to you