#back on my Allison & Neil shit

[sisaloofafump]

POV: it’s lunchtime, Wednesday, January 4th, 2007. You’ve been beaten black and blue by a sports cult. She’s trying to hide your bandages. You wonder if she blames you for her boyfriend’s death. You should ask her. The memorial banner was put up today. You… you keep your mouth shut.

[writingpuddle]

i wanna talk about this scene because its one of my favourite character moments for both aaron and neil. theyve just gotten to the cabin, only a handful of days after nathans death, and aaron gets neil alone and says this:

now listen. maybe what aaron is doing here is exactly what it looks like. maybe he is concerned that neil is exploiting andrew, and this is him being a protective brother. and i do think theres a part of him that is. he could also be reacting badly due to homophobia, and maybe a part of him is too. but mostly -

he's testing neil.

see, aarons not totally heartless. in that moment in baltimore, when neil was bloody and beaten to shit - aaron was horrified with the rest of them. he might not like neil particularly much, but when you see someone you moderately dislike tortured past the point of human endurance, youre going to put aside your dislike for a second. youre going to take their side, and aaron does. when the foxes claim neil, aaron is right up there with them.

but unlike neil and andrew, who spend the next few days in the emotional wringer with the feds, aaron had several days to process. to really process what allison pointed out to them.

and he realized he could use it.

maybe thats callous of him, but mostly its inevitable; this is how the twins have learned to communicate, to leverage each other with bribes and threats. he watched andrew nearly kill kevin, pick a fight with the feds, grip neils hoodie like he might disappear if he didnt hold on tight enough, and he understood that there was nothing andrew wouldnt do for neil.

meanwhile, neil is still coming off of weeks of telling himself, gritted teeth, its fine so long as andrew doesnt care about me, its fine so long as andrew doesnt care about me, its fine so long as andrew doesnt care about me...

hes barely begun to acknowledge the much less dangerous fact that he has feelings for andrew. less dangerous because if andrew doesnt care about him, then neils death wont hurt him, and neils feelings cant be hurt if hes the one that dies. but if andrew has feelings for him, then this whole time hes been risking that his death would break andrew - break the very person he most wants to protect.

so neil denies it. hes made the first wobbly step towards freedom, but he hasnt yet dealt with the moriyamas. he could still die at any moment. wrapping his head around his fathers death hasnt given him enough time to break those weeks of conditioning himself in the dark. andrew doesnt care about me. andrew cant care about me. neil will go to war for andrew but the idea that the converse is true is too dangerous to look at directly. to protect andrew, to protect himself, he denies it.

but when aaron asks neil if andrew will fight for him, he's not really asking. we can see it in the casual way he shrugs off neils denial. he doesnt care what neil says. he wants to see what neil does. he already knows - or has a pretty strong bet - what andrew will do. what he needs to know is if neil is serious.

listen, i am personally of the belief that if andrew released aaron from his deal for neils sake and then things went sour with neil, andrew would respect the broken deal anyway. but i dont think aaron sees that - he hasnt yet fully internalized that andrew does things out of his own brand of fairness, and not out of malice. so he needs to know; andrew will fight for this. will neil?

so he lobs a grenade at neil, a loaded accusation, and neil comes back swinging. and theres aarons answer. neil isnt exploiting andrew, hes not just playing around. hes as viciously protective of andrew as andrew is of him and those two repressed assholes might not be saying it with words, but aarons not stupid. andrew gave himself away when neil went missing and now neils showed his hand too.

neils right. he has been had, and hes just lucky that what aaron wants is exactly what neil wanted anyway.

[thespineoftherighteous]

more show bloopers

they're (the monsters' actors) are doing a car scene and Neil and Aaron's actors together decide to turn on the seat heater of Kevin's actor, all the way up, just to get him to say "bloody hell my arse is on fire"

then it becomes like a running gag, especially between the twins' actors, to unsuspectingly turn on each other's seat warmers uncomfortably high

Neil's actor accidentally confuses the twins:

Neil, speaking to Aaron's actor: look Andrew-

Aaron's actor: *gently and seamlessly turns Neil's actor by the shoulders to face Andrew*

Neil's actor: look Andrew-

Andrew's actor: hi!

not a blooper but Dan's actress is tiny, the smallest person in the cast, (the twins' actors are 5'7-- it's the best thing that could've ever happened to them) which has no significance except for the fact that this girl can and will fall asleep ANYWHERE and the cast has loads of evidence of her knocked in every possible location on set

a scene on the bus where Andrew's actor is walking towards the very back, where Andrew sits, except some of the prop luggage/exy equipment is sticking out into the aisle of the bus and he trips over it face-first and just. disappears completely from the frame. one second he and the camera are moving in sync and the next he's just. gone. flat on the floor.

(Aaron's actor almost pisses himself laughing)

they're shooting a deleted scene of Renee and Andrew sparring together and at one point Andrew's actor just cracks up and Renee's actress is like ?? and he goes "your sound effects." and explains to her how every time she throws a punch she makes like a "whoosh" or "pow" noise and she goes "!!! i didn't even realize??"

on set of the locker room and Kevin's actor is sat in Kevin's stall being spontaneously serenaded by Matt's actor

that scene in tfc where the monsters take Neil shopping and Nicky is talking to him as he pulls out clothes for Neil to try on. except every so often Nicky's actor pulls out the most ludicrous article of clothing and offers it to Neil's actor with a straight face. at one point he holds a lime green mesh bralette that was also a turtleneck and had stirrups (??) up as if to see if it'd fit Neil and Neil's actor just loses it. while he's clutching a clothes rack trying to catch his breath and the people behind the camera are trying to train their hysterics, Nicky's actor turns to the camera, still holding the bralette and goes "where the hell did y'all even find this? i don't think even Nicky could pull this off" *eyes Kevin's actor* "buuuut if anyone could surely it-"

Neil's actor climbing off the top bunk bed except he misses a step and tumbles gracelessly to the ground

Allison's actress nails Aaron's actor right in the face with her ponytail in a scene where they're getting ready for a game and psyching themselves up. he wasn't even going to let it ruin the take but six seconds later she stops and turns and goes "did i just hit you?" and he's like "yep" and she grins and goes "so sorry babe"

Renee's actress is having trouble with a line and by the fifth time they have to restart she's cussing up a storm and Matt's actor pretends to be shocked and goes "Natalie Renee Walker. you're better than that" and she turns to look at the camera and goes "he just learned my full name this morning. if you can't tell"

the scene where Neil puts Andrew's hand under his shirt but Coach's actor pulls a look-into-the-camera- like-hes-on-the-office with a "y'all seeing this shit?" expression so they have to start over

see also about that scene: they're in the middle of a take and Andrew's actor randomly and without changing his Andrew-expression goes "are you flexing your abs right now?" and Neil's actor goes "sorry I'm nervous..you can feel that?" and he goes "yeah" and there's a beat of silence of presumably Neil's actor just flexing his abs. Andrew's actor goes "that's impressive. hot" Neil's actor goes "thanks man"

they're shooting a scene in the lounge and Allison's actress is in the middle of a line when she notices a real picture of the boys being idiots on the set photo wall and starts giggling and goes "sorry sorry i had never seen that one..caught me off guard. okay let's go again.."

it's not even supposed to be a blooper but they didn't know they were rolling so there's a blooper of Neil's actor telling Aaron's actor "you're 5 and I'm 10. I'm twice the man you'll ever be. bitch"

the scene where Kevin shows up with the queen on his face except Andrew's actor thought they were still rehearsing so when he appears in the doorway to the bedroom after hearing Kevin and Neil making noise it's with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders the way he had been doing throughout rehearsals

(they ended up keeping that in the scene. Andrew first appears wrapped up in his blanket, all tired and shit. he realizes what's going on and starts to become more alert and as he walks towards Kevin to inspect his face, he lets the blanket fall to the ground. it's grand and dramatic and all, but so is Andrew)

a whole bunch of clips stitched together of when they filmed the Foxes working out in the gym. in the show it's a brief montage but there's loads of unseen content of the cast just fooling around- dancing to music on the speakers and flexing ridiculously and exaggeratedly lifting weights and shit

the scene in the car where Andrew elbows Neil hard in the ribs but in this blooper Aaron's actor joins in and it becomes both twins just pretending to beat Neil's actor up

(Kevin's and Nicky's actors in the front seats are just staring ahead, driving like nothing's happening and shaking their heads going "kids")

Dan's actress keeps laughing during a scene where Dan and Matt kiss and during one take where she's trying to calm herself down by putting her forehead on his shoulder you can hear Allison's actress in the background go "i can do it instead if you want" and Matt's actor smirks at the camera over Dan's head and Allison's actress goes "bitch not you I meant me kiss her"

just. one scene where Neil barges into a room (as he does) but the actor underestimates the set so when he throws the door open it quickly rebounds to smack him, full-body..as the door slowly swings back open you can see him crumpled on the floor in the doorway clutching his elbow

Andrew and Neil's actors are about to do a scene and suddenly you hear a loud "pucker up boyssss" in the background. it's from Allison's actress (who didn't even need to be on set that day) and Neil's actor glances over at her, grins and goes "what are you even doing here. get out. leave" and she just sits in his production chair and settles in to watch

if you look closely you can find a stray exy ball here and there in places where they shouldn't be. that's because most of the cast (but especially Matt, Kevin and Renee's actors) like to nick exy balls from the set of the court and toss them around in between takes..and apparently leave them all over the place

not a blooper but. the cast went through a lot of intimacy training before they started filming (for both like aggressive and soft intimacy) and they're all naturally very close as well, so whenever they shoot a scene where one of them has to pretend to hurt another (physically/emotionally/etc) they always make sure to check in with them in between takes and once they've finished to make sure they're okay

they're shooting on set of the lounge a scene that's supposed to be right before afternoon practice and at one point Coach's actor tells Aaron to get the cart of racquets (i forgot what it's called in the books) and so Aaron's actor gets up and moves out of frame while Coach's actor keeps talking. and all of a sudden there's this earth shattering crash that makes everyone flinch HARD. and then you hear Aaron's actor (who literally was only supposed to take the cart and roll it across the room in the background of the shot) say "i am SO sorry" in the most horrified whisper

Coach's actor eating shit while walking off the bus

Kevin's and Andrew's actors need to do a bit in a scene where they turn their heads at the same time to look very intensely at each other (as per Kandrew) and they simply cannot do it without cracking up it's terrible

Andrew and Neil's actors are on the rooftop and they're supposed to be staring at each other, all intense. but then there's this huge, awkward, horrifying sound from somewhere below and at first it looks like they'll be able to stay professional and just ignore it. but then Neil's actor bows his head to his shoulder and puts his fist to his mouth to try to contain himself and they have to restart ("sorry sorry. but just...did something just..die?")

Kevin and Neil's actors have to get all up in each other's faces but then, practically nose to nose, Neil's actor goes "i don't remember my line" "mhm" "you have lovely eyes" "thanks mate" "we should start over" "let's." ..THEN they back down

Dan's actress pointing her exy stick at the camera "hi I'm Captain Dan Wilds and YOU [wink] are watching Disney channel" *does very shitty drawing of the Disney logo*

Coach's actor forgets which of the Foxes he's supposed to be addressing so he just says "you little shits" and it ends up sticking throughout the whole series because it's so in character

they have to restart the scene where all the Foxes first meet so many times that by the twentieth time Seth's actor goes "I'm fucking concerned-" Nicky's actor jumps in with "yeah sweetie we know"

and cut

[splishsplashyouropinionistrash]

hello hello my loves, it's been a while since I've done a fic rec list and I'm feeling *inspired*

my qualifications are that i'm a loser and have read over a thousand fics so far in 2023

Was Sorta Hopin' That You'd Stay by jaydreamz (8/8)

Minyard Josten rivalry but they actually hate each other. They have a prank war. It's beautiful.

Eighteen Wheels And Three Beating Hearts by Autumnalpalmetto, IKnowWhoYouAre_Damianos (21/21)

Small town AU, Neil is a trucker with a son and Andrew runs a diner. So many found family feels, was giggling like a child the whole time. Connor owns my heart.

Die Free Or Die A Failure by Mickey_99 (54/54)

This one. This one!!! It's so good. Like, so good. It's a Raven!Neil fic, where Neil escapes the Nest and joins Kevin at PSU. It's super dark at times, but so lovely? The found family in this one is just *chefs kiss*

I Guess This Is Where I Say Goodbye by Artificiosus (2/2)

Listen y'all. I bawled like a baby reading this one. Full on ugly sobbing. It was amazing. It's MCD, so be careful. Neil gets in a car crash and calls Andrew, but Andrew doesn't pick up. The whole fic is Neil's voicemail and Andrew's reaction. It's so beautiful and so so sad.

Here And Where You Are by pentagrammed (1/1)

This one!!! It's almost sort-of MCD? But not actually. Read it, I'm begging. There's not much I can say about it without spoilers, so just... read it.

Dating & Other Disasters by lolainslackss, moonix (12/12)

Okok but this one. It's fake dating, the Foxes all go to a fine arts school. Neil is an actor and Andrew is a writer. It's so good !!! Andrew's poem lives rent-free in my head.

Murder Boyfriends by justadreamfox (3/3)

Heathers AU!!! It's beautiful, I'm in love with it. Go forth and read.

Better Than A Night Light by Ominous (1/1)

Literally 7k of fluff. Neil watches one of those alien horror movies and gets scared by it (but Drew is there to help, ofc)

Small Angry Gardeners by SensationalSunburst (8 part series)

Neil and Andrew's adventures in homeowning, gardening, meeting neighbors, owning animals, and other domestic bullshit. So fluffy, so sweet, so fun. Simply adore.

Heimkehr Means Homecoming by This_Witch_Writes (2 part series)

Cass is good! Andrew gets a mom! Family !!!! Literally so good, I cried a lot.

What Does 'Viral' Mean? by darkbluebox (1/1)

Kevin is a sports commentator after retirement, and Neil joins him for a game. So much bickering. Fucking hilarious

In Reel And Rout by maydaykevin (10/10)

Fantasy pirates AU. Vaguely Pirates of the Caribbean? So good though, oh my god. Andrew has water powers and shit. Neil is a pirate captain. I'm in love.

The Exy Team Is Nuts: A Survival Guide For The Uninitiated by Cute Negativity Cloud (Ofelia) (1/1)

The Foxes from the perspective of the other sports team. They have a whiteboard with rules for how to deal with them without being murdered/beaten up/insulted to death. It's fucking hilarious

Kill My Mind (Raise My Body Back To Life) by r3mus (1/1)

Ghostface!Andriel. They're murder boyfriends who kill bad people. It was such a fun read tbh

Queer Eye For The Demi Guy by neilwrites (13/13)

Neil goes on Queer Eye. The Monsters + Allison are the fab 5. it's wonderful, I love it.

Baby I'll Bleed You Dry by priorwalter (2 part series)

The Twilight AU this fandom desperately needed. In which Andrew is Edward, Neil is Bella, and many jokes are made. I spend a solid half an hour cackling

The Gaslights Burn Brightly by This_Witch_Writes (8/8)

Okok so Andrew and Neil were childhood friends, but Neil disappears one day and everyone convinces Andrew that he never existed at all. Eight years later, they meet again at PSU. It was so. Amazing. I love this author sm

A Dad By Any Other Name by SensationalSunburst (2/2)

Coach Wymack being a dad for 5k. That's it. That's the fic. (5+1 Wymack being a dad)

Called It Home by jingerhead (1/1)

Neil is spiderman. Spoilers for No Way Home. Guys it's so good !!

What We Ask by constellationqueen (40/40)

Neil gets hurt. Andrew helps him. SUUUUPER dark guys, like. Super dark. MCD too, so watch out. Really sad but so so beautiful, I sobbed so violently my sibling thought someone had died

The Suit Universe by marie_pothos (17 part series)

Ohhhhhh my god THIS ONE!!! My all time fave series. It's a popstar AU, but Neil is basically Taylor Swift. It's all based off of Taylor Swift songs. Absolute must read, even if you don't like TS that much. It's so beautiful, and funny, and so so sweet, and just- I could go on forever about this one.

Shake My Tomb by exactly13percent_OLD (hymbeaux) (10/10)

Butcher!Neil (sorta). kevin goes to Neil for protection from Riko, so neil goes to PSU. So beautifully written, I just re-read it today. It's so good guys.

Take To The Wing by iceEckos12 (20/20)

Neil signs the contract during his Christmas at Evermore. Surprisingly fluffy for a Nest fic, and there are some absolutely wonderful OCs. I would die for Joshua.

Something In Return by reaching_my_summit (10/10)

Neil and Andrew go to Disney World. That's the whole fic. Tooth-rotting fluff, it's amazing

Funky Happenings With The Fox Family by dobbypussypopper (27/27)

THE Fox group chat fic. It's fucking hilarious, I laughed so hard I started crying.

The Marks We Make by Fortheloveofexy (11/11)

Soulmate AU. Guys, this fic. It's one of my favorites. I reread it all the time. It's so good, and so sweet, and just UGH. I adore it so much.

Falling. by Idnis (16/16)

Art School AU where Andrew is a photographer and Neil is a painter. It's so poetic and beautiful, I'm begging you to read it.

Too Gay To Function by gluupor (1/1)

Mean Girls fusion. Andrew is Regina George. Enough said.

And there you go! This is a very very small fraction of the fics I've read this year, so obviously I have more if anyone's interested.

Go forth and read !

[otdiaftg]

The Raven King - Chapter Nine

Day: Saturday, October 14th Time: 3:10 PM EST

"Dad liked partying it up with the other rich shits of New York," Matt said, "but his party favors were drugs. He let me—encouraged me, even—to try whatever I wanted so I would fit in. When Mom realized what was going on she took time off from the circuit to get me clean. We thought I was okay until I started here. The juniors we had back then were into some pretty heavy things, and I was tempted. The only way I stayed sober was by hiding from them. Last year the monsters joined our team. It took Andrew all of two weeks to figure out something wasn't right with me, and he took it upon himself to fix things. They invited me out with them to Columbia. When we got there Andrew gave me speedballs." Neil's stomach bottomed out. "He what?" "He didn't make me take them," Matt was quick to say. "He just offered them, and I was drunk and stupid and desperate enough to say yes." "Coach should have kicked him off the team." "He should have, except Andrew cleared it with Matt's mother first," Dan said, jaw tightening a little in old anger. "She knew Matt was having a hell of a time here and she wanted him to kick the habit for good. Andrew promised he could help, so she gave him her blessing. She flew in for the summer to help walk Matt through withdrawal and asked Coach not to punish Andrew. She even offered to pay Coach for the trouble." "But—" "No harm, no foul," Allison said carelessly. When Neil stared at her, she gestured at Matt. "You can't really have an opinion on this because you weren't here then. You didn't see what Matt was like. It was pathetic. He couldn't even look any of us in the face. Look at him now. The monster's methods might have been a little extreme but they worked." "You're not really okay with this," Neil said to Matt. "What if it backfired? What if you hadn't gotten back up again?" "Andrew had too much invested in Matt's success to let him fail," Renee said, speaking slowly like she was choosing her words with great care. Neil guessed she knew Andrew's reasons better than anyone else did, given herfriendship with him. "I don't know if they've talked to you about Aaron's history, but you understand Andrew's, don't you? He's not allowed to fight his addiction. Watching Matt struggle was very hard on them both." Her reference to Aaron didn't make sense at first, but then Neil remembered. On his second trip out to Eden's Twilight he asked Andrew why he bothered with cracker dust. Andrew said they'd picked the habit up for Aaron's sake. Just the other week Nicky mentioned that Aaron used his mother's drugs, though he hadn't specified what all she'd been into. Chances were cracker dust was a paltry substitute. Watching Matt crumble under temptation would have wrecked hell on Aaron's own sobriety. Neil was starting to rethink how apathetic Andrew was about Aaron's life. Matt misinterpreted Neil's silence. "You're a year too late to get mad on my behalf, Neil. Trust me: I'm okay. I'm more than okay, really. I thought rehab was bad the first time through. The second time almost killed me. It definitely killed any chance of me being tempted ever again. I'm clean for good and I feel better than ever." Neil needed more time to figure out how to feel about this, but it wasn't his life, so he said only, "It's your fight."

Art used with permission by rainbowd00dles. Thank you @rainbowd00dles

[bisexualchaosdemon]

The Foxes as things my old friend and I have said

I make no apologies for the cursed shit you are about to read

Neil @ Andrew: Yes, malicious compliance, thank you. I knew if anyone would know the correct term for spiteful behaviour, it would be you.

Neil or Kevin: I'm working on two hours of sleep and a protein bar, I am ready to fight God or BECOME HIM!

Nicky: *cackling maniacally while shoving a muffin in his mouth* *process to almost choke to death on said muffin*

Neil: What's the word? Clothes soap?

Nicky: Pinoccio can turn into a sex toy by lying and telling the truth really quickly

Neil, talking about Andrew's dark humour: It was just the added hint of rape that really got it there

Matt: What the fuck in the misogyny???

Neil or Andrew, probably: I'm staying in this doorway, I don't want to commit a felony

Wymack: In the same way it takes a lot of pressure to make a diamond, it takes a lot of trauma to make a Fox

Neil, to Andrew: I am the rake to your Sideshow Bob

Aaron, playing a video game: This fucking game can get fucking shoved up my asshole! It can fester with my haemorrhoids!!!

Neil: *makes an unhelpful comment*

Aaron: You're right, I do need to find all the boxes. But in order to find all the boxes, I need to find a shred of my sanity!

Nicky: Toot toot get the gripping socks oot for crash bandicoot

Dan: If you are smaller than the person you are cuddling, it's not called being the big spoon, it is being a backpack

Aaron, from across the dorm: YOU ACTUAL RAT FANNY FLAP

Neil @ Aaron: Imma turn your glasses into contact lenses!

Kevin, talking to Andrew about his friends: Nevermind quality over quantity, you don't have either

Matt, to Dan: Are you playing footsie with me madame?

Drugged Andrew: I am the evil doodle from Spongebob

Kevin: *clapping for emphasis* You. Are.

Andrew or Neil: Stop being funny when I don't have pants on!

Nicky, upon learning he talks in his sleep: Even sleep can't shut me up– I have a disease!

Nicky: You are a cinnamon bun

Neil: No, I'm something that looks like a cinnamon bun, but is actually filled with paprika

Nicky: You are a paprika bun!

Andrew: I don't know what you're complaining about, I'm fucking funny

Kevin, high as fuck: You're not allowed to die. And, God, I wish you were a donut.

Andrew or Neil @ Kevin: Gonna fe fi fo fum my foot up your ass

Neil: Fuck me, it's cold!

Andrew: I'm not going to fuck you just because it's cold

Neil: Nah, you're going to fuck me because of my hot ass

Renee: surviving?

Kevin: Not thriving.

Nicky, to Neil: You and Andrew are like the Kermit darkside meme... Except you are both wearing hoods.

Allison: Keep your nipples on! Don't get your fucking fanny lips in a twist, honestly

Also Allison: Being hit in the clit with a Bisexual flag is not how I want my sexuality reaffirmed

*discussing why they would never date*

Matt: I don't see you as a person

Nicky: *bursts out laughing* I don't see you as a person, the nicest thing a friend has ever said to me

Matt: No, wait, lemme explain

Aaron: Fuck. Da. Ocean.

Matt: I've definitely eaten too much. I'm going to have a food baby. I will name him Derek

Allison, finishing her homework: My laptop is going away and it's not coming back out until Monday

Dan: woop woop get your tits oot

Allison: *flashes single boob*

Nicky: Which of the seven dwarves are you?

Neil: *struggles to remember all seven dwarves*

Neil: Dopey, clearly

Andrew: That's a big off

Kevin: I am a big oof

Andrew: What does that make me?

Kevin: A small, angry oof

Drugged Andrew @ Renee: if you ask a Christian to prove that God exists, they will just whip out the bible. Like, yes *whips out Mr Men book* wah-bam! Proof that Mr Tickle exists!

Andrew, telling Bee about his bad day: Right, so, I woke up, so already off to a bad start

Andrew again: Life is a naughty dog that keeps humping your leg

Andrew: *suddenly singing along to song* YES!

Kevin: *confused*

Andrew: Sorry, my inner demon just took over a little there

Kevin: You're inner demon is so gay!

Andrew: *dying with silent laughter*

Kevin: I am half expecting it to say 'yas'! You have the gayest inner demon I've ever seen

~a few moments later~

Andrew: Yaaaas! Oh, goddammit! Why did you have to put that thought in my head? Stop giving my demon ammunition!!

Aaron: It's your turn to pick dinner

Andrew: *thinks about it for five seconds* No.

Aaron: The fuck you mean 'no' ?!

Kevin, drunk: It wasn't great. I wouldn't rate. *burps* I used a burp to punctuate.

Kevin: What are we doing?

Neil: I have no plan. For life or for dinner.

Kevin: Let's formulate a plan. For dinner. You're on your own for the rest

Nicky: We do not ride at dawn in this house. That is far too early. We ride at dusk.

Allison: Well, if you can't beat them, climb between their legs

Neil: .... *shrugs* If you can't win, be good at oral

Matt: She is beauty, she is grace, I would like her to sit on my face

Aaron @ Neil: You're like biting into a chocolate and discovering it's liquorice

Andrew: I will indifferently shove you in front of a train

Nicky: *yawns ridiculously loudly*

Matt: That yawn had layers!

Nicky: I call it my oni-yawn *cries laughing at own joke*

Andrew: I need a chiropractor, an exorcist, and a bong

*trying knitting instead of sparring*

Renee: I'm trying to knit myself some mental stability

Andrew: I'm trying to knit myself a noose

Andrew: When you think about it, that's all people are; we are sperms with delusions of grandeur

*the monsters play Monopoly*

Aaron: *lands on chance*

Andrew: You coming to join me in jail?

Chance: go back 3 spaces

Aaron: Ha! No!

Aaron: *lands on community chest*

Community chest: go to jail

Aaron: Oh, fuck you!

Nicky, talking about why the mosters can't play Monopoly anymore: Friends were lost that day, patiences were tried, shoes were thrown

Kevin: Can God let go of my gonads?

Andrew: No dick is good enough to live on salad

Aaron, into the pitch black, silent bedroom: You old cock-blocking bastard

Andrew @ Wymack: Come get yo kid, they about to get a McKnuckles Slappy meal

Neil: There is a nice personality inside me, problem is he's mute.

Nicky: You know, it was only after I did that that my self-preservation instincts realised there was a very real possibility that you could have punch me in the face.

Andrew: Self-preservation instincts? You have those?

Nicky: Clearly not!

Renee: PHONE 911 YOU ABSOLUTE PLUM

Aaron: Where does today come before yesterday?

Neil: The alphabet? Oh, a dictionary!

Aaron: The alphabet?!

Neil: I got the alphabetical thing, I just forgot dictionaries existed for a sec!

Matt: My ankle is killing me

Nicky: And IIII, I must confess, so is my knee!

Matt: Is my knee!

Foxes @ Neil: You are always angry and always dying. You are like a suicidal hulk.

Bonus in honour of tsc:

Jean @ Jeremy: Give me an orgasm and then slit my throat. Please and thank you.

[aboutnavi]

I was brushing my teeth, reflecting about life, & my mind went back to AFTG and there is a scene on the first book that it has been stuck on my brain since I read the trilogy again this January and it's about Seth. Now, I know the fandom -in general- barely talk about Seth because Nora decided to kill him off for shock value and when people try to talk about him, it always comes back to 'he was a homophobic, disgusting piece of shit' which yes, valid but also, are we forgetting Aaron? The babyfication of Aaron in this fandom had everyone collectively forgetting he was exactly like Seth (even worse: towards his family!!!). Two wrongs doesn't make one right & I'm in no way justifying Seth's action but if we never talk about characters on AFTG just because they were problematic, we are not talking about any of them, ever (ok maybe some of them, but still).

My point is: the scene. Neil is confused as to why Seth hates Kevin -specifically him- so much, since Seth could get along with most people if he wanted and tried hard enough but he refused to give ground to Kevin & his answer is just so humanly heartbreaking it goes to my list of moments Nora did something right in AFTG. The scene goes like this:

Neil: Why do you hate him?

Seth: Because I'm sick of him getting everything he wants just because he's Kevin Day. Do you know what fame gets you, shitface? Everything. All he has to do is ask for it, and someone will give it to him. Doesn't matter what. Doesn't matter who. The world is dying to give him anything he wants. When he broke his hand, his fans cried for him. They flooded our locker room with letters and flowers. The amazing Kevin Day can't play anymore. Their lives were over. They'd grieve the loss forever. But tell me when's the last time anyone cried over you? Never, right? They're there for Kevin every step of the way, but where were they when we needed them?

Neil, stupidly: So you're jealous.

Seth: His life is not more important than mine just because he's more talented.

Neil first instinct is to say jealousy because jealousy is something he understands (he felt jealous of Kevin for having a future, for being able to play, for the talent, for the life he never got to live when his mother ran away, etc.) but for me what Seth is trying to portrait is more like the painful awareness that you get when you realize you're also worthy of love and care. Seth is such an unexplored character who had so much potential if Nora hadn't killed him for the sake of showing how Riko could be/was dangerous (and she could have done that in so many different ways!!!) & you can see that on, for example, Nora's post about his life. Seth was always the no-priority person, the kid no one payed attention to, the boy that if killed, not even his mother would come for the funeral. He was every aspect a Fox and he spent his entire life being told he was no one and to be able to say his life is not more important than mine shows so much development; the chance he had put on himself for being open to love, to care, to second and third chances... it was all there. It breaks my heart that he never got the chance to become something. & I do not believe he was an inherently bad person? They are so young in AFTG, all of them. Maybe Seth wasn't bad; maybe he was just twenty-two, you know?

& on the extra content when they tell Allison he died and she goes 'He called me not even an hour ago! He was drunk and rambling but he was happy for the first time in weeks. He was talking about how he finally thought graduating would be okay, about how he wanted me to help him look into grad schools. He wanted to go into social work and help people like he helps us. I know he wanted to die! Everyone knows he wanted to die! Every time he said he was done with life I walked away from him and every time he came chasing after me. This is the first time--he wanted to live.' breaks my heart.

Because, ok, Seth dies. Let's pretend it was a good idea for him to die to set some sort of impact on the story for a second. Except his death goes without much fuss. The shock Nora wanted is felt for maybe three seconds, in one paragraph in the last page of TFC and then we barely talk about Seth on TRK and TKM. Neil can't even understand how impactful was Seth's death - he only cares about how it will affect the game & his guilt is more about how Allison would feel towards him then sadness over losing a teammate - and this insight we get from Allison is from the extra content and not everyone goes on to read those so if Nora wanted something out of his death - pity, shock, sadness, or whatever - she should have put this scene IN THE BOOKS.

[mostlymaudlin]

okay. can neil sing? can any of the foxes sing? thoughts pleSe

okay i am not very good at Music stuff beyond just liking it, so i had to consult with my more musical friends @sillyunicorn and @starwarned ...i have a more informed opinion now. and im going to express it thru narrative, bc im me:

hold on to that feelin'

andreil, rated t, 1k

it’s been almost ten years since the palmetto state foxes won the ncaa championships and changed the world of exy. 

neil knew there would be things that would happen — sports fans love an anniversary. but he thought maybe they’d do a ceremony back in palmetto, or a magazine write-up or something.

he had not expected a film studio to want to make a whole documentary on the subject. he had not expected to learn this news on a call with ichirou, who had told him in no uncertain terms that neil would agree to do the film, and that he would be as personable and camera-friendly as he could muster. 

neil had especially not expected the filming to involve… karaoke. 

it’s one of several excursions the crew has taken the old team on this weekend. the film will include interviews and old footage, but it will also be interspersed with clips of the team “hanging out.”

“the bond you all created is part of the narrative of your win,” the director told them. “we want to capture the fact that you were the first team of foxes that actually got along.”

no one corrects this narrative. the documentary is going to be the hollywood version of neil’s freshman year. it’s going to be sunshine and rainbows and campfires and bumper cars and, apparently karaoke.

“i’ve never done this before,” neil says, holding the microphone awkwardly. 

“andrew!” nicky chides. “you’re the one responsible for giving him Real Boy lessons — how could you have deprived him of karaoke?”

andrew is lounging on one of the sofas in the small room they’re all crowded into, scrolling through the song selection to pick something for neil.  “yes, because karaoke is something i obviously consider essential to the human experience."

“raise your hand if you’ve done karaoke before,” allison says. she’d gone first, singing a show tune that drew complaints from half the room in a booming, enthusiastic voice. everyone except neil and kevin lifts a palm — including a reluctant andrew. “okay, yes, this makes sense. kevin, you’re next.”

andrew stops scrolling. “you know this one,” he tells neil. “just follow the lyrics on the screen.”

the title and artist flash up on the screen, but neil doesn’t recognize them. he slides andrew a look, but andrew only gestures impatiently back to the screen. 

just a small town girl

livin’ in a lonely word

“oh,” neil says, finally recognizing the song despite the instrumental version playing. “i do know this.”

“then sing it!” dan says. 

“just a city boy, born and raised in south detroit…”

neil sings. he can’t remember if he’s ever tried before, and he’s not sure if it’s going as intended. a couple of foxes laugh, and he’s self-aware to know that’s probably a bad sign. but whatever. how many of them made the us court? neil knows what he’s good at. and he’s done enough terrible commercial acting gigs to appease ichirou that he doesn’t much care about how bad he is at this type of shit. 

the others join in for the chorus and carry him through to the end. the cameras are rolling, and neil can admit that he’s kind of having fun. he is killing this camera-friendly thing. he is definitely not going to get a knife to the gut this time around. 

when he’s done, he turns back to the room. it’s quiet for a second, and then allison cackles so hard that she nearly falls off her stool. nicky and matt join in immediately. dan stands to give neil a hug, but she’s laughing too. renee hides her smile behind her hand.

“yeah, yeah,” neil says, waving them all off. he holds the mic out. “kevin, your turn.” 

kevin puts on an air of confidence when he struts up to the makeshift stage. he chooses a song by the black-eyed peas, and his stance is rigid and determined as the music starts.

“i think i know this one too,” neil whispers to andrew once he sits down in the narrow space between him and matt. andrew knocks his elbow into neil’s side, shushing him.

hmmm. kevin doesn’t sound quite like the song that neil’s heard on the radio. he turns around once he’s done, glaring at the room, daring them to react. they do, anyway. 

“there, i did it,” kevin says, dropping the mic to the floor and stomping off.

renee mostly sounds like she’s talking when she sings "hallelujah," but she smiles through the whole thing, so there’s less ridicule involved. matt and nicky give and energetic duet on a shania twain song that neil has heard each of them singing in the shower at different points before, and alison says it makes her ears bleed. aaron earns a surprised slow clap after singing “someone like you” by adele — “a doctor who played exy and can SING… maybe katelyn isn’t settling after all,” nicky comments. dan goes all out for a whitney houston song. 

“are you going to go?” neil asks andrew when nicky takes the stage for a second time. 

“absolutely not,” andrew murmurs, eyes on his cousin. neil huffs a laugh, but settles against andrew’s side to watch the rest of the madness.

later, when neil and andrew are back at the hotel, neil crawls across the bed to where andrew is sitting. andrew pulls neil in by the collar of his shirt for a kiss.

“aaron can sing,” neil says against andrew’s mouth. 

andrew shoves him back, making a face. “and?”

“is it genetic?”

“i don’t know.”

“hmmm,” neil says, flopping onto his back beside andrew. “i’ve never heard you sing. i’m curious now.”

“that’s because i don’t sing,” andrew says. 

neil sighs, knowing a dead end when he sees one. “fine.”

he gets up to get ready for bed, and then nearly dozes off when andrew takes his turn in the bathroom. he blinks a few times when andrew crowds against neil’s back, pressing kisses to the side of neil’s neck. neil is nearly asleep again when andrew’s voice pulls him back, soft and slow:

“blackbird singing in the dead of night

take these broken wings and learn to fly…”

neil doesn’t really know what constitutes as good or bad. but he knows that he likes the sound of andrew’s voice. he wraps his fingers around andrew’s wrist where is lays on him stomach, and andrew goes quiet again.

“keep going?” neil requests, voice only a whisper.

andrew heaves a sigh. 

“all your life,

you were only waiting for this moment to arise…”

[heybabyricecake]

Another scene for my KevNeil shippers:

“Matt, don’t do this.” Dan spoke up again, pleading. All of the Foxes were huddled around Neil, Matt, and Seth as they waited for the contest to begin. “I’m not holding your hair back when you vomit this shit out.”

“Nobody’s asking you to, babe!’ Matt called back cheerily.

If Kevin didn’t already know Neil could pretty much do this contest in his sleep, Kevin might’ve fought it more. Not that it was his job to hold Neil’s hair back. But still.

“And you can’t start on the next ten until you get done with the first ten!” Nicky reminded everyone. “Everyone get ready! I’m going to call ‘go’ soon. Aaron, you’re watching for cheating, right?”

“Yep.” Aaron said, pointing a warning finger at Seth. Seth scowled.

“Kevin, water!” Neil called out, raising his hands.

Kevin hurtled a water bottle at Neil, and Neil caught it easily, setting it in front of him on the table. They were in the Fox Lounge using a spare table from the utility room. The ‘contestants’ were seated on the couch.

“Dan, water!” Matt called out, mimicking Neil and nudging him.

Dan flipped Matt off. “I’m not your errand girl.”

“Allison, water!” Seth echoed.

Allison smiled sweetly and brought a cup of water from the water cooler over to Seth. Seth took an obnoxious sip and swished it around before swallowing.

“Not fair.” Matt frowned.

[jeanmoreaux]

I am loving your recent flood of AFTG posts, I have never been the same since I read that series and Captive Prince a few years back

Anyways I saw the one compiled with quotes about rage and Andrew and I almost cried

I really really love Nora for being like, fck it and she just wrote the characters she wanted and the story she wanted and nothing comes close to that experience

I really appreciate how Andrew fully is an unhinged and violent person and there’s no ‘redemption arc or forgiveness’ nonsense that most writers (I’m looking at the recent YA sickness and booktok monstrosities) —- would intent to write in or be forced to do so by their editors or whatnot.

He is unapologetically himself and even though in reality I would probably avoid someone like that (I am smol. I have all the rage of the world but I would snap like a twig in 2 seconds if he decided to just end me—-ala Allison and Aaron situation WHICH I HAVE SOME BEEF WITH IF YOU’LL HEAR ME OUT) —-I just appreciate his character so much I can’t explain

Neil is myyyy boyyy though I definitely experienced the series the way he also develops across the books. When he’s shookt I’m shookt, when he’s snarky I’m also feeling snarky, and when he’s driving into a conversation like knives I’m also with him (the scene after the assault in book 2, at the hospital where Neil confronts him about ‘doing nothing’ still sends chills down my spine)

I just love AFTG it’s tattooed into my brain

ahhhhh you have noooo idea how much joy this ask brought me. even after all these years i still get excited when people come talk to me about these books and the characters in it. i am all with you in the opinion that this series is made special by nora just writing what she wanted to write. it’s so unapologetic in that approach as well, which is why the story and the characters and the dynamics work for me. and omg don’t even get me started on andrew or neil, they are my sons. i have soooo many feelings about them it’s awful. i actually appreciate how messed up they both are and how they both don’t really lose that by the end of the story. they do get better in their own ways without fundamentally changing as people and that just feels so right for them (to me at least). for me, this story has always been about the after of trauma. it’s about the coping mechanism to deal with it and the adjustment you have to make to survive it and also that even when you’re never gonna be what society considers “normal” again you can have a life that’s worth living and full of love and accomplishments and success. a life that lets you be okay most of the time. in my opinion, none of the characters needed a redemption anyway. ((but you’re right, popular sensibilities often push editors to demand that from their writers. which is so stupid to me but another discussion entirely lol.)) like, with these characters, it’s all about perspective. you simply cannot meet them on a level that insists on “healthy” notions of ethics and morals because they operate on such other principles. principles that make sense for the characters based on their psychology and circumstances. and that’s where you have to meet them and the point from where you have to judge them, in my opinion. ((that’s also why i think aftg is not for most people because i get not wanting to stray from one’s own set of sensibilities when it comes to the stuff in this series.)) personally, these characters (and especially andrew and neil) are so interesting exactly because their brains are so different from mine. i find that fascinating. and nora characterises them well enough to give it all a coherent internal logic that works out for the story. so YES OMG i appreciate these characters so much as well. they’re truly so different in a way that i eat up. and PLS full-on shit-stirrer, people-dragging, truth-spitting neil is my FAVOURITE!!! love it when he lets lose and verbally attacks people like there is no tomorrow. makes me so proud in the weirdest way.

also. what’s your beef with the allison and aaron situation? 👀 i am so curious and i’ll gladly hear you out

[aftg-sunsetz]

AFTG Playlist (in no particular order) PART 1

SPOILERS AHEAD 

(I was bored so I decided to create a playlist for the AFTG series and their characters. From depression to calm to party etc. I will still write fitting scenes to it (if I have one). I’m always looking for songs to add to my AFTG playlist. Maybe you find a fitting gem

1. Run Boy Run - Woodkid (of course)

2. The Dreamer - Amigo the Devil (The King’s Men chapter 12 the scene between Neil and Andrew, (I read it in public with the song and almost had a breakdown))

3. Little Dark Age - MGMT (TKM after the kidnapping and Neil is on his way from the hospital to the hotel to meet the foxes)

4. Roslyn - Bon Iver (TKM page 353 Neil wants the answer to “This”)

5. You really got me - Oingo Boingo (while they get ready for Edens, especially in TFC)

6. What could have been - Sting (Neil gets kidnapped)

7. 9 Crimes - Damien Rice (either while this one specific scene in TRK (Thanksgiving by Nicky), or while Neil is on his way to the Nest and Andrew is at the psych ward)

8. I’m not human at all - Sleep Party People (TRK Neil gets back from the Nest and calls Wymack to get him from the airport)

9. Welcome to the Jungle - Novo Armor (the first roof scene between Neil and Andrew after he is off his medication)

10. Tear you apart - She wants Revenge (TFC the first time the monsters and Neil are at Edens)

11. Moon Song - Phoebe Bridgers (TKM after Neil got kidnapped and Andrew strangled Kevin, I just imagine him sitting there, staring off into the distance and grieving)

or

Ohne Dich - Rammstein

12. I hope that you think of me - Pity Party Girls Club (either the team on its way to a game or in TKM when the team takes the vacation after the kidnapping events)

13. Telephones - Vacations (pure vibes)

15. Mount Everst - Labrinth (while the Foxes play a game or while Neil antagonizes someone lmao)

16. Party up The Street - Miley Cyrus (big vibe)

17. Nutshell - Alice in Chains (that’s either a rooftop scene in TKM or the bus scenes on a way to a game, big feelings)

18. Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead (maybe the shower scene in TKM or the Foxes sleeping in a room together :) )

19. God Complex - VIOLENT VIRA (either while Neil gets tortured at the Nest or in the car in TKM or at Baltimore)

20. Ptolemaea - Ethel Cain (Happy 19th Birthday, jr.) That’s literally my favorite fitting, not gonna lie

21. Freaks - Surf Curse (the foxes)

22. Money trees - Kendrick Lamar (Matt and Seth)

23. Swimming Pools - Kendrick Lamar (the Foxes walking into the stadium and playing a game (maybe against the Ravens?))

24. Me and your mama - Childish Gambino (while Allison and Seth have like an on and off montage)

25.Redbone - Childish Gambino (Neil and Andrew making out (remember the scene while Neil tried to study and Andrew was bored...))

26. God knows I’ve tried - Kelsy Karter & The Heroines (the foxes ->

“I've been smokin', drinkin', lyin', cheatin' I've overpromised, but underachieved And I usually ain't afraid of nothing But saying this out loud terrifies me I've been breakin' hearts, stealin' cars Takin' shit to walk on Mars To never say sorry don't mean I'm not sorry Baby, I'm sorry, oh, baby, I'm sorry I'm sorry for the pain I've caused For all the moments I've gone and lost Don't you know I've tried to be good? ”)

27. The Wisp Sings - Winter Aid (Neil in the plane on his way to the Nest)

28. Overcome - Skott (kinda a Kevin song)

29. Alligator Skin Boots - McCafferty (the conflict between Andrew and Aaron, especially an Aaron song) my second favorite fitting

30. The Night We Met -  Lord Huron (Neil leaving his belongings behind and the foxes, Andrew, Home and follows Lola)

31. Hey, Mickey - Baby Tate (Kevin when he is in public lmao or the first time he meets Neil in Millport, when he gets introduced)

32. Energy - Beyonce (that’s Nicky for sure)

33. That That (feat. SUGA of BTS) - Psy (the Trojans, maybe they start to get warmed up first and the Foxes watch them)

34. Y’all Want a Single - Korn (Neil when he has press duty lmao)

35. Afraid to Feel - LF SYSTEM (the Foxes training at the gym)

36. Move Like U Stole It - ZZ Ward (Dancing at Edens)

37. Stop it - FISHER (getting cracker dust and eating ice cream)

Songs fitting for:

Allison, Dan and Renee: - Rebel Girl - Bikini Kill (when they get introduced, especially fitting for Allison) - Violet - Hole  - Cherry Bomb - The Runaways (also, especially Allison (just love this girl)) - You call me a bitch like it’s a bad thing - Halestorm (Allison and Dan) - Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) - Eurythymics (has a Dan vibe tbh) - transparentsoul - WILLOW (that’s a Renee song) - Mood 4 Ever - Beyonce 

Andrew: - This body means nothing to me - Shrimp - Mutter - Rammstein (Mother) - Was ich liebe - Rammstein (What I love) - Next to me - Imagine Dragons - Snuff - Slipknot - Medicine - Daughter

[thespineoftherighteous]

not to be demanding but if i don't read a part 3 and 4 and 5 i will die (it's my bday can i get a lil present sometime uwu)

i loved what you write what does it feel like to be you

firstly. !!HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY!! cheers and blessings and happy returns etc....everyone say happy birthday anon

probably won't do a full part 3 (or 4 or 5) for a minute just so people don't get bored of me. BUT because it's your birthday here's a couple. just for you.

Neil's actor keeps tripping on the word "auditorium" ("the autido- the auritor- the ortidorti-") and by the fifth ruined take he throws his hands up and goes "i dropped out of actual college okay. I've never had to say autid- this word before"

Allison's actress is supposed to rip her helmet off to tell some dick on the team they're playing against to square up but it gets caught on her hair and "ow. oWW. owowowow. [Dan's actress goes over to help her get untangled] owww. [*glances at the camera which is still rolling*] nah nah cut the cameras this is not very badass" she finally gets free and then turns to her opponent as if that didn't happen and goes "so yeah. you cunt"

it's supposed to be a literally like ten second shot of Neil walking across the campus (to show him being an Actual Student) but there's this pigeon that without fail starts to chase Neil's actor every single time they start rolling

(literally just picture Neil's actor, with his backpack on and shit, looking over his shoulder and doing like a sliding, vaguely frantic run across the frame of the camera to get away from this very territorial pigeon)

the monsters are all piled in the car as per when suddenly Kevin's actor's phone starts ringing (a traditional ringtone.. classical music etc). and while he's apologizing ("i forgot i had it on me") and trying to turn it off you can hear Nicky's actor go "ugh get him tf off the aux"

a scene where Andrew threatens Nicky with a knife except Andrew's actor forgets and gets to the threatening part too early. so they still have a few more lines to go but he pulls out the knife and backs Nicky's actor against the wall. then Nicky's actor whispers "what are you doing, not yet" and Andrew's actor pulls away and goes "oh god yeah sorry...guess I'm just excited" "to stAB me-"

[cacowhistle]

i haven't posted like any fic in forever and that's mostly bc i haven't written any that i'm satisfied with. in the meantime tho, have a weird snippet of all for the game fic that i started to try and get a handle on some of the characters. it's not finished and i won't be finishing it. but like some of it is pretty okay i think?? one of these days i'll finish another fic. today is not that day but just like imagine it for me. it's totally gonna happen.

The Foxes are losing.

Correction, Neil thinks, as he watches Matt clash with another backliner, the Foxes are self-sabotaging.

The score is one to six, Jackal’s favor, and Neil thinks Allison is about ready to storm off the court. Halftime, finally, is called as Matt throws the third punch he’s thrown all night, and Neil huffs out a sigh. He isn’t getting back on the court tonight—that’s the second yellow card.

People are attempting to pull the grappling backliners apart, but Neil doesn’t spare them much of a glance as he jogs past, racquet slung across his shoulders. He only has eyes for the bench and the goalkeeper sitting on it, fingers interlocked and elbows resting on his knees as he studies the ongoing brawl with an impassive stare. He’s interested. Hopefully that means they can salvage this.

“Andrew,” he says, stepping through the door, “stay in goal tonight.”

He looks up at Neil, looking utterly unfazed. “That’s not my job.”

Neil gives him a look, an unsubtle warning. Those never work, though—he and Andrew both know it. Words are the only thing that will get Andrew on a leash. Neil’s words. Sometimes Kevin’s, even rarer, Renee’s. Neil is the one with the highest success rate.

“Your job,” he murmurs, voice lowering as he leans in, “is to stay in goal tonight. I don’t care what the other team is saying about me. I don’t need your protection.”

Andrew scoffs. Neil swats the back of his head. Were it anyone else, they’d lose fingers, but Andrew just stares up at him, eyes flat and dark. Neil raises an eyebrow. Andrew is silent for a very long moment, before reaching up to tap the ugly scar on Neil’s cheek with his thumb. He doesn’t even blink.

“I know you don’t,” Andrew says, eyes still dark, “this’ll be much more interesting.”

There have been ugly taunts being thrown around all night. Butcher is the new nickname, the cruel, jeering jab that the opposing team has been using to try and throw Neil off his game. The worst part is, he thinks it may be working. At the very least, he got to see Kevin trip the Jackal’s dealer with his racquet “on accident” after the guy had spat out some sort of insult involving his father’s name. Neil certainly wasn’t worried about himself, though—just how Andrew would react when he finally got out on the court.

He has a vindictive, violent, protective streak. Neil isn’t stupid. One particularly nasty word with the intent to cut deep a bit too close to Andrew, and that heavy goalkeeper’s racquet is caving in a ribcage or shattering another arm. He knows that Andrew has chosen him as his mark, the thing he’ll maim for.

But Andrew trusts him. And he, however stupid it is, trusts Andrew. He’ll handle it himself, without sending someone to the hospital. Even if Andrew disagrees with the method and result, he’ll allow Neil this reclamation of power if he deems it necessary.

Neil isn’t religious, but he prays that he does anyway.

The game resumes with Andrew in goal and Nicky going on in Matt’s stead—Neil isn’t sure it’ll be much better, but at least Nicky won’t try to get the other team to punch his lights out the way Matt’s been trying to all night, with the way he’s been behaving. A sour mood, one that Neil doesn’t quite want to interpret or find out the reason for—it takes a lot to ruffle Matt’s feathers like this.

He’s grinning at them through the plexiglass, though, so maybe he was just feeling like a grade-A piece of shit tonight.

Someone yells across the court. Neil hears the word junior, and his shoulders tense. The Jackal’s goalkeeper shouts it again, grinning beneath his helmet. Neil returns his gaze with a dead-eyed stare, not moving even as Kevin claps a hand over his shoulder.

He leans in, saying only for Neil to hear: “Carve them up.”

Oh, he’ll clear through them like a cleaver.

He makes it to half-court and wastes no time as soon as the buzzer’s gone off. Off like a shot, he races down the court—the backliners will handle the incoming strikers, and there’s the deafening crack of Andrew sending a shot down the court—a confirmation of Neil’s confidence that tonight will turn around. His mark is practically right on his heels, but he manages to snatch the rebound out of the air and pivot away, just as the backliner swings his racquet and smashes against his with enough force to send a rattle of pain all the way up his forearms. Neil doesn’t let go—but the ball goes flying. It’s messy and uncoordinated. It has no place in a Class I game. Neil narrows his eyes at the backliner, who just grins.

“C’mon, Butcher,” he says, and Neil’s blood burns.

It takes less than a second for him to lose his tail. He ducks around the backliner, feinting one way before bolting the other, seeing Allison with the ball—the pass is quick and clean, and before long Aaron is tossing it back Andrew’s way.

It clears the court. Neil isn’t sure he’ll be able to catch it, but he takes off anyways—right between the oncoming defense players, weaving across the court with a snarl. It takes nothing for him to get out of their range, even less to snatch the ball out of the air. They’re still coming, though, and he’s hardly in position to shoot. He’s shot from worse angles, but he can give himself better odds—darting towards goal and passing to himself, the goalkeeper’s got his eyes on him and there’s something ugly in them.

Neil makes the goal. He makes sure to make it hurt, too. This got personal as soon as these shitheads let the name Nathaniel leave their mouths—so he strikes back twice as hard, the best way he knows how.

“At least my father cared enough to chase me across the country,” he snaps, eyes gone wild, “is yours even in the stands?”

It was the wrong thing to say. Or maybe the right thing. The goalkeeper’s eyes light up with fury, and Neil knows the punch is coming before it gets there. It rattles him down to the teeth, and he’s sent stumbling sideways. A second one comes moments later, and Neil’s not fast enough to get out of range. The buzzer goes off and Neil thinks that sound ringing in his ears is the shouting of his teammates. He doesn’t wait for someone to come to his rescue, though—he hits right back.

It takes three people to pull them apart. There’s definitely blood dripping from Neil’s nose as he backs off, panting and swearing as he does so. He doesn’t fight it as he’s swung around and shoved back toward his team, and the sight that greets him is pretty much what he expected: Andrew, being held back by four of their teammates—Kevin with his arms wrapped around his middle, Allison and Nicky holding him by the arms, Aaron pushing against his shoulders. They don’t let go of him until Neil’s halfway across the court toward them, though Andrew’s still simmering as Neil comes closer.

“You’re bleeding,” Kevin says, and Neil grins, all teeth.

“You told me to carve them up,” he says, sharp as a knife’s edge.

[thejostenator]

Golden Boy Orange: Chapter Six

.....and it has been over 200 days

For those of you who don’t know or have forgotten (and I wouldn't blame you), this is my project to tell AFTG from Matt’s perspective. If you haven’t read the first five chapters (or if you need a refresh) you can read them here on Tumblr, or out on Ao3.

Tagging those I know were interested all those aeons ago haha (@youhaveahomeinmyheart, @pipebomb-malewife, @accal1a, @sickbunsbro, @tntwme, @shayebutterrrr & @stay-because-now-you-have-a-home) but if you want to be added (or removed) to (or from) the tag list, just let me know!

The rest of the afternoon passed without any major incidents.

Coach called Matt up later in the day — he all but dove for the phone when it started buzzing on his desk — quashing the worst of his fears with a few barked words and mild allusions to things Matt was apparently not important enough to know. All he could glean from the call was that Neil had arrived (safely, thank goodness) at the big man’s house a little earlier and would be making his way back as they spoke, alongside The Monster. The two had apparently had what Wymack gruffly referred to as “some bloody weird heart-to-heart” and that the foxes shouldn’t fear for Neil’s safety. 

At least, not from Andrew. Matt still couldn’t help but wince as Coach had described Neil’s painstaking hitchhike journey from Columbia all the way back to the court. It defied all belief, logic, and sense — and judging from Dan’s choice words when she heard about it, he wasn’t the only one who thought so.

“What the fuck was he thinking?” She scoffed, hand raised to her temple in a mixture of exasperation and more exasperation. “Hitchhiking back from Columbia? Who does that?”

“Neil, apparently,” Allison shrugged, tossing her hair back with just enough classy nonchalance to demonstrate that she really didn’t care. “He’s a freak, just like the monsters.”

Dan’s eyes flashed. “He’s a fucking kid.”

Allison raised a hand in the air in a ‘so?’ sort of gesture. “And? Who said he couldn’t be both? He reeks of freak. It’s all over him.”

“Look, look,” Matt raised a placating hand between them, caught between the rock of not wanting another confrontation so soon after the group’s last with Andrew and the hard place of standing up for Neil when it was such a witless decision. “We’re all freaks, we’re foxes. Our job is making sure all our freaks are okay.”

Allison clicked her tongue. “Fine by me.”

He turned to Dan. “Dan?”

She looked away. “Sure, fine, right. Sounds good.”

“And Neil is okay, Coach has confirmed. He’s fine and on his way back right this second.”

“He’s lucky he came out of this shit okay, or I would have killed him for it,” Dan said. 

Matt chuckled to himself and reached out to grasp her hand in his own.

“Andrew first,” she continued, squeezing back, “for putting him in the situation. But Neil would be close second for making it worse.”

“It’s okay,” Matt said softly. “We can breathe now. He’s okay. Now we need to make sure he stays that way.” 

“You’re right,” Dan sighed. “You’re right.”

Matt smiled, but he couldn’t help but shift in his seat. As much as he couldn’t control the flood of relief in his body now that Neil was okay, part of him (a very, very large part) wouldn’t believe it until he saw it. And, clearly, the other foxes must have felt the same, since they all gathered — in their two distinct groups, naturally — in the corridor to wait for his arrival.

When he did walk through the door, Dan was the first to him, catching his shoulders and patting him down for injuries. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Neil breathed. Poor kid sounded exhausted, not to mention cagey as ever. There was something in his voice, though, that Matt couldn’t quite place.

“Andrew?” Kevin asked from the doorway to his dorm.

“I’m washing my hands of this,” Andrew said coolly, pushing past him. “He’s your problem now.”

The Monsters followed him in, and just like that it was the Upperclassmen and Neil alone.

Matt had yet to say anything. He stared, probably a bit too obviously to be acceptable, still reeling in the fact that not only was Neil coming back from Columbia seemingly unharmed (normal shiftiness aside), but he had actually come to an agreement with Andrew.

In his silence, Dan took charge once again. “Coach said you hitchhiked your way back here,” she said. “I’d yell at you for being stupid, but Coach said he handled that already.”

“Lesson learned,” Neil replied, ghost of a chuckle on his lips. “Next time I’ll just call for a ride.”

“There won’t be a next time,” Dan said, then sighed and rubbed at her eyes. “Come on.”

Matt followed as she led them all back to Neil’s suite, pointedly ignoring Seth and Allison rummaging through the fridge for more beer cans than the crumpled army littering the floor. Renee joined them, nudging aside some of the cans to reveal a half-finished card game.

Sending one last fleeting look her way, Matt closed the door behind them. 

“You were right,” he said, turning to Neil. “Andrew tried to get in.”

He hated that that was the first thing he said to Neil.

“We didn’t let him,” Dan said. “He didn’t make it further than the front door.”

Neil’s face broke into a cautious smile. 

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“Thank Renee,” Dan said. “She doesn’t take sides all that often.”

“It’s so much easier when she does, though,” Matt said.

“Andrew seems to like her,” Neil nodded.

“They have an understanding,” Matt said, as if he actually understood the full depths of it. Then: “We’re between rounds in our game. You should join in. It’ll help clear your head, I think. Spending too much time with Andrew’s lot will rattle anyone.”

Neil definitely looked rattled, there was no doubting that. So, it came as no surprise, really, when he replied: “I’m probably going to crash early. It was a long day.”

Dan nodded gently. “We’ll take our stuff to my room.”

And then they were gone, Matt still puzzling over that implacable edge to Neils's tone. Still puzzling over just why it seemed as though, behind the stress and skittishness, a fraction of a burden had been lifted from Neil’s back.

Tuesday 19th:

Matt, Neil and Seth were lounged out on the couch with a movie blaring loudly opposite them. A whole lot of noise and action, and not much substance, if you asked him. Plus, not nearly enough good music.

Seth was sprawling out with his legs, and Matt was letting himself take the middle with a bowl of popcorn in his lap, but Neil so far to one side it might have been more accurate to say he was on the arm of the couch than any seats. He had been more tense ever since Kevin paid him a visit the night before — even though Matt hadn’t let so much as let him set a foot into the dorm or interact with Neil (as far as he was concerned, the Monsters were never to touch him again), he still got the sense that Neil knew everything anyway.

A knock on the door, and somehow he was up before Matt could even start to move, like a spring launching out from its coil. Matt decided, a trifle confused, not to doubt his own reflexes, and instead blame it on the bowl of popcorn, which he was being careful not to spill —  until, that was, Seth gave out a great big “Fucking bastard!” and leapt up from the couch, kicking the bowl straight from his hands.

Matt looked up to see what inspired the reaction, only to find himself eye to eye with Kevin once again.

He leapt up, anger coursing hot through his veins. “What part of ‘You’re not welcome here’ do you not understand?”

Kevin opted to ignore him, shoving an Exy ball hard against Neil’s chest. “Let’s go.”

Matt sucked in a hiss of breath. He was gonna punch him so fucking hard he wouldn’t be—

Neil stuck his arm out, and Matt — having already overtaken Seth — ground to a stop. 

“I’ll be back later,” Neil said over his shoulder. 

“Are you stupid?” Seth asked.

No, Matt said in his head.

“Yeah,” Neil said out loud. “Finish the movie without me. I don’t mind.”

Matt felt Seth’s huff of breath against the back of his neck before he turned away. He stood, silently, and watched as Neil passed the Exy ball back and forth between his hands and followed Kevin out of the dorm room.

Neil had never struck Matt as stupid — but then he had hitchhiked back from Columbia. Neil had never struck Matt as stupid — but then he had continued to talk with Kevin and the monsters despite it all. 

He turned around, closed the door, and switched the movie off.

Neil still didn’t strike Matt as stupid. But then again, who knew what would happen next?

[legendarylibrarianwitch]

So I rewatched the last episode of Kevin can fuck himself and I was so focused on pattison the first time that I didn't appreciate enough the fact that every woman has some character development (separately from shipping dynamics).

What I mean is that this ep is really about women, not just Allison, speaking their mind and geeting free from manipulative/abusive partners and codependant relationship.

Patty is finally standing her ground to Patty! “I can’t uproot my life just to make you happy”, I’m so proud of her! Patty is setting boundaries with Neil and telling him to handle his own shit for once was chief kiss

Diane “that’s not my job Neil” refuses to elope with him and tells him she can’t be the reason he stays sober, what a queen!!! And she’s sober for more than 200 days!!! I’m so happy for her.

Allison’s “I want a divorce” line is so powerful. The moment when the audience cheers and is on Allison’s side as soon as she stands her ground and then we leavethe sitcom world ??? Amazing!

Random thoughts:

The episode felt a bit rushed at times

Is that the librarian lady in the hair salon?

Allison tries to reconnect with her love of reading while patty can’t read anymore, that’s funny. You two should start a bookclub together! And maybe read queer and lesbian literature together ? That might give you some ideas, just a thought *knowing smirk*

On a side note, I’m kind of digging Allison’s brown hair

Allison, honey, if you want to get back into reading, you shouldn't start by reading Ulysses, a book known for being super dense and long! Because you're just going to end up frustrated and feel stupid. Trust me, I'm a librarian so I know what I'm talking about lmao

Patty and Allison are so in love, I was grinning like an idiot every time they spoke about each other. Patty casually admitting Allison is her favorite person, I love it! Patty never stopped looking for Allison and tracking her lastest localization. She never gave hope on Allison, bless her sad gay ass! Alliso, thinking she doesn’t deserve to come back to Worcester and to Patty ??? Allison, stop being dumb and go back to your wife! you deserve each other

When Kevin sets the fire due to his careless drinking and destructivee way of life because he has no one to back him up or clean his mess so he has to face actual consequences for once, that was karma bitch.

[unlikely-course]

Ok ok here are some for real thoughts:

-from Patty’s scene with Judi, her saying “hmm…small print” and Judi going “stop, you’ll like it”—like it just really got to me that after twenty years and the fact that Patty lives in a house dominated by books she and Judi still play out the little act like she’s still that punk kid who needed to be cajoled into reading. Something about that just cut me like a knife!!!!!

-the way Tammy says “especially after everything with…Allison.” Fully hilarious. Tammy I know you know by now but you’re both supposed to be pretending to each other that this woman is dead!

-I planned on more details but I just got very caught up in my rewatch. Just real quick: Patty and Sam are an unexpectedly great duo but most especially that first diner scene lays me to fucking rest with just how goddamn romantic it is, Patty being totally open with how much she wants to find Allison, how well she knows her, how deeply she loves her. And I love in their second scene just everything about Sam and his inability to keep Allison’s presence from Patty, and how Patty immediately freaks out and even gets teary when she thinks Allison left without seeing her.

-I just loved everything for Patty in general! That she finally got to say what she needed to say to Neil (and also Tammy), to advocate for her own needs.

-The Neil stuff I thought ended perfectly as well. Like what happens next is up to him! It’s perfectly possible that he works it all out but he has to do that on his own time.

-with Diane it’s more concerning because she’s still with Chuck but her saying to Neil that it’s not her responsibility to fix him and also that it’s possible to leave and her sobriety are huge steps on their own and now that Allison is back maybe they can help support each other. I was disappointed they didn’t get a scene together but I assume that, like many things, it’s just around the corner for the characters. I’m guessing Diane knows that Allison isn’t dead (vacation talk, etc) but I’m sure she’s still missed her. Also it would have been nice to give her scene that wasn’t about Neil. Overall though I’m pretty hopeful for Diane.

-with Kevin, you know, for my own part I had always kind of hoped that the sitcom wouldn’t break for him? That Allison would kind of just walk away from it and she wouldn’t need to destroy it to live outside it. But that thought was mostly coming from season 1 when Allison was doing all that self destructive shit in order to destroy it so her kind of like just walking away was more narratively impactful. We’re in a different place now and I found that scene pretty satisfying. It’s just that him dying means she doesn’t get to divorce him and somehow I wish she’d gotten to do that? But I’m sure Allison’s not complaining about getting to skip that part, and now it’s just like one less thing for our girls to worry about.

-I suppose that like, although I wanted the kiss to happen it didn’t necessarily need to, but I do think it’s fair to say I wish they had more of a conversation. Like season 1 built up to a sentence Allison couldn’t finish, and I would have liked to see her finish it. I would have liked to see Patty tell Allison some of the things she expressed at the diner. I mean in many ways episode 7 was that for both of them—Patty telling Allison she wants her to stay and Allison leaving in order to protect her were their declarations, and it makes sense that each moment is big for them because in general Patty’s good at doing things for others but bad at saying out loud and directly what she wants, while Allison tends to find it much easier to say that she cares about someone but harder to back that up with actions that involve risk for her. Still, I would have maybe liked to try and shave some minutes from somewhere else to give to them!

But still, I would say I enjoyed the finale and it’s a good ending! Literally every minute they spent onscreen was about each other and they get to live happily ever after, so that’s a good day in my book. All those other bits and bobs I want I shall have to get through fanfic.