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idontknowreallywhy · 1 year ago

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Estera - Ch 24 - Drive

Another one of those chapters which should never have existed but a few little snapshots just blossomed out of my control and before I knew it I loved them and they became Vital For Plot Reasons. Ah well, enjoy the meandering anyway :D

(What went before)

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Estera’s boot hit a loose patch of stones and she skidded slightly, putting out a protective arm just in case she was about to face plant the ground. Almost immediately a hand caught that arm and lifted her square on to her feet. She turned to see her friend alongside her on the narrow path, eyes full of concern. The edge of the cliff crumbled a little under his foot and her heart stopped for a moment.

“Scott! It’s not wide enough!”

He hopped back in line behind her and she regained the ability to breathe.

Mostly.

Eventually.

That particular flavour of adrenaline was not one she craved but she was beginning to wonder whether it was one she might have to get used to.

The group finally reached the car park to meet Gary on the quad bike who had towed the kit trailer up the long way from the beach. They all set to unloading and eventually Scott and three others lifted the quad itself into the back of van.

He walked over to where Estera was doling out the last bottles of sugary carbonated beverages to the rest of the group. He wiped the grease from his hands on to his trousers before selecting a bottle of water and draining it. Then swiped his forehead with the back of his hand.

“Well that’s one way to warm up after freezing your butt off in the Arctic Ocean.”

“As I’ve already told you, Mr Remedial-Geography, The English Channel is very much temperate.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” He removed his warm jumper and Estera nearly choked on her cherry cola as she realised Scott hadn’t just turned up in randomly fancy trousers.

“A silk waistcoat? Really?!”

He pouted. “I was here for a Board Meeting! SOMEBODY didn’t mention the nature of their “commitment” when inviting me along!”

“In fairness Dawn didn’t give me a lot of time to explain.”

“Ah, yeah… sorry about Dawn… she…”

“She was lovely.” Estera said firmly, not wanting to get the enthusiastic young person into any trouble.

She looked again at the trousers which had clearly suffered from being drowned in salt water earlier and were drying into a faded mess of wrinkles.

“That is not a cheap machine washable suit from the high street is it?”

He coughed. “I don’t recall Jennifer mentioning that as a feature, err, no.”

Her curiosity must have showed as he hurried to explain. “My EA at TI. Apparently the selection of ‘business attire appropriate to my position’” the air quotes were heavy “is not one of my strengths so I just let her get on with it.”

“She’s not going to be happy with you.”

“Hmm… I’ve done worse. And hey, the pants might be a lost cause but the shirt will wash, I cleverly left the jacket in the car and the vest is spotless, look!” He held the edges of the waistcoat out for her approval, much as a small child might show off how tidily they had eaten their dinner. Estera was about to wittily point this out when she was arrested by an ominous “whoopsadaisy!” and an unmistakable fizzing sound as the person standing behind Scott clearly forgot about what happened to cola bottles on quad bikes. A fine spray of sugary drink settled over both of them and Scott looked up from his now-slightly-less spotless clothing to catch her eye. She bit her lip and snorted slightly. There was a beat and then both of them dissolved into giggles.

“Tez! A word?!”

Gary underlined his sharp summons with a frantic waving of his iPad. Scott elbowed her gleefully:

“Oooooh, what did you do now, huh, Tez?

“Argh, please don’t adopt that one” she gasped, trying to compose herself “I haven’t the heart to tell them it’s awful… but… it’s awful!”

Scott’s eyes sparkled mischievously as Gary repeated his call with a desperate, slightly cracked edge to his voice so she had mercy and went to see what was bothering him.

Gary gesticulated wildly with the tablet, nearly taking her eye out.

“DID YOU KNOW?” he hissed.

“Did I know what?”

He stabbed his index finger at the screen which showed what appeared to be Scott Tracy’s Wikipedia page.

“Ah. Um, so… err… yes?”

“Are you telling me I made the Chief Thunderbird… the guy with the jet pack and all the… the insane stunts… I made HIM do the BEGINNER’S E-LEARNING?” Gary’s voice had risen to a barely audible squeak.

“I don’t think he minded?”

“I was giving him tips on judging the windspeed at the top, Tez.” Gary looked as if he was going to cry “What if they were bad tips? He flies a rocket plane… my kids have posters of him on their wall…” he whacked the iPad repeatedly into his forehead and groaned “They are gonna disown me.”

Estera tried to prise the tablet from his hands before he cracked the screen with his face.

“Everything ok over here?” Scott materialised behind Gary and the poor man froze, all colour immediately vanishing from his face.

“Gary was just telling me that his kids are huge fans of yours.”

The slightest frown crossed Scott’s face before he closed his eyes and chuckled “I forgot to use the pseudonym didn’t I? Oops. Sorry to have caused any alarm!”

Gary shook his head mutely and gave a double thumbs up, losing his grip on the iPad as he did so. Scott shot out a hand and caught it.

“May I borrow this for a second?”

Gary nodded furiously then covered his face with his hands. Scott tapped the screen a couple of times before raising his eyebrows in surprise. He hurriedly straightened his hair then cleared his throat and said:

“Scott Tracy here, reporting from the breathtaking Beer Head in Devonshire UK. I’ve been refreshing my skills today with this incredible instructor” he dragged Gary into shot “who is an absolute legend and if he ever told me to clean my room or get my homework done I would absolutely do that. Straight away. Thunderbird One out.”

He finished with a wink and handed the tablet back and clapped Gary on the shoulder. “Been a pleasure to meet you, Gary, thanks for letting me take part this afternoon. Hope I wasn’t too much trouble.”

“You’re welcome” came the slightly breathy response. Estera noted the starry eyes and felt they’d best get out of there before Gary did something drastic… like propose.

“Coffee?”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

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They made it to the cafe as the barista was putting the chairs up on the tables. Without looking round she informed them it was still too early in the season to expect late opening and her shift had finished 10 mins ago. Scott, already trying to remember whether there’d been any other likely places he’d passed on the drive down, smiled kindly as the harassed-looking woman looked up and he thanked her anyway.

“Wait! I guess I could do you something to take away?”

Estera seemed most entertained by the sudden change of heart but Scott couldn’t quite figure out why. Maybe it was a local thing.

Two triple shot cappuccinos (and a “Really? Triple? Are you sure?”) later, they were stood at the bus stop trying to establish whether it was running late, or Estera had just missed it. The wind had got up and she was now shivering in her damp clothes despite him insisting she wear his big coat.

“I could always drop you back home or… or near home?” He offered tentatively, not wanting to overstep given how upset she’d been before. “Or anywhere you like really.”

“Oh, but it would be a long way out of your way…”

“Not really. I’m not in a rush. And it is my fault you got soaked earlier.”

“That may be true…” she seemed to ponder and looked over at the digital tracker which was now displaying 55 minutes. She shivered and lifted her jaw. “Um, yes please, if you really don’t mind?”

“Come on then. Hope I picked the model with heated seats!”

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Scott hummed to himself quietly as he drove. Estera watched the hedges fly by and wondered how long it had been since she’d accepted a lift from someone like this. She generally felt safer taking the bus so this was… different. Not that she felt in any way unsafe, now. Just, exposed. What was one meant to do as a passenger? Talk about frivolous subjects to pass the time but not distract the driver too much, she reasoned. All small talk fled from her head and she suddenly felt inadequate and a little dizzy. Her hands tightened reflexively around the coffee cup.

“You doing ok?”

Just as before when he’d asked that simple question in that same disarmingly soft voice, she was unable to quickly formulate a convincing lie and the truth leaked out before she realised it.

“Just a sudden giddy moment.”

“I’m not making you motion sick, am I? I’ll slow down.”

“You’re fine, honestly. I just… let my thoughts get away from me. Please don’t let me distract you.”

“You’re not distracting me.”

She noticed he’d slowed down anyway.

She watched him out the corner of her eye and realised with a jolt how much better he looked than the last time she’d seen him in the flesh. Or rather, perhaps, how ill he had looked before. Whereas on the day the cave collapsed on them she’d guessed he was in his 40s, he now seemed no older than she was, possibly a little younger. Aside from the scattered silver at his temple, slightly darker shadowed eyes and a certain leanness to his jawline, he really didn’t seem much different now to the young man who had saved her life the first time. Which was slightly eerie. She knew she’d aged a lot in the intervening period.

She found herself wondering again what it was he’d been recovering from, what illness could have hit him so hard. He’d not volunteered the information, in fact he’d very obviously skated around naming it so it would be rude to ask. It was gnawing at her for some reason though. Definitely not light hearted car conversation anyway so she cast about for something else.

They came out of the trees and for a moment the early evening light highlighted the edge of the fading yellow bruise across the left side of his cheek and head. In the absence of any other ideas, she said:

“It must have been a very impressive black eye you had there?”

“Ugh can you still tell? It seems to have taken an age to fade this time. Maybe I’m getting old” he chuckled.

“This time? It happens a lot?”

“Heh… occupational hazard. I think Virgil’s broken more bones but I’ve probably got the concussion record.”

“Goodness that’s a bit worrying. Don’t you have helmets to help prevent that?”

“Yeeees. Sometimes even with it on if something heavy hits you…”

“Or you fall 20 storeys?”

“Yeah… they can only do so much.”

There was a little pause before he carried on.

“To be fair to our engineer I didn’t actually get concussed this time round so it did a pretty great job.” He looked slightly guilty “Actually to be one hundred percent fair to our engineer, who is a literal genius, it mostly happens when I take it off. Because sometimes it’s easier to talk to people that way, you know? But then of course I end up leaving it somewhere and so obviously then it’s not handy when I need to dive back into something which has… very occasionally proved to be an error.” He glanced over at her and did that schoolboy-been-caught-out cringe again. “Hence the concussion scorecard.” Scott refocused on the road and gave a wry half-smile “Virg is constantly telling me off for it.”

“I don’t blame him! You should listen to him and keep your helmet on, Scott!”

“Yes, Miss.”

“I’m serious! What would you say to Alan?”

“He’s still a child.”

“Ok, Virgil then?”

Scott was quiet for a minute as he approached a junction and indicated left before accelerating away again a little more aggressively than before. He sighed.

“It’s different.”

“How’s it different? Given the concussion record your head doesn’t seem to be any harder? Why are you taking less care of yourself than of your brothers?”

“I’m not. I just react in the way that seems best at the time. Sometimes that involves taking risks to help people.” He sat up a little straighter in the driver’s seat. “That’s my job.”

She frowned, the odd moment from earlier suddenly sharpening into focus.

“When I skidded on the gravelly bit on the cliff path… you nearly overbalanced yourself trying to catch me but I didn’t need catching. I was nowhere near the edge. Worst that could have happened to me there was a grazed knee. You could have gone over!”

His voice changed and became firmer, more authoritative. “You might have been injured. I couldn’t take that chance.”

“Of a minor injury versus potentially something serious happening to you?” She could hear her voice starting to rise a little and wrestled to keep it calm and conceal the sudden sense of horror that was bubbling under the surface.

“I don’t want you to sacrifice yourself for me, Scott. Not… not…”

The next word wouldn’t come out. But he’d clearly heard it anyway and twitched irritably, staring silently ahead, eyebrows furrowed. Well she’d put her foot in it now, might as well finish making the point.

“It’s not your job to keep me safe.”

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Chapter 25…

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #Estera #tb Estera #scott tracy #idontknowreallywhy fanfic #poor Gary #the dimples take another victim #maybe two #light hearted car conversation or maybe not #suit whump

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apocalypticavolition · 1 year ago

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Let's (re)Read The Great Hunt! Chapter 31: On the Scent

If you're on the scent for spoilers, keep reading! If you don't want to know everything about The Wheel of Time, including the books, show, comics, and card game all compressed into like, a couple thousand words inexplicably, definitely don't keep reading. The second you click that button everything will be psychically uploaded to your brain. I mean uh... something on theme... scentically uploaded to your nose.

We have a rising sun chapter as we're still in Cairhien and Thom's not around.

He gave one abrupt shudder and stopped laughing; she left him to crouch over Hurin.

Another not subtle thing to be doing. It's a good thing these Cairhienien are so politically suspicious that they miss the much greater threat right in front of them.

He said he didn’t know it, but he had a smile that shouted ‘lie’ a mile off.

Perrin could probably smell the lies on the dude before he opened his mouth.

I couldn’t hear what she said, but I didn’t know whether his eyes were going to pop out of his head or he was going to swallow his tongue first.

I'm sure that Verin just did the usual Aes Sedai thing and that the specifics aren't important, but it amuses me to imagine that she just told the dude the truth straight out.

He heard gasps from the Cairhienin listening, but he did not care. They could play their Great Game if they wanted, but Ingtar had come, and he was finished with it at last.

This is called dramatic irony and also counting your chickens before they hatch and whatnot.

Rand glanced at Perrin—He’s a sniffer?—and found Perrin studying him in return. He thought Perrin muttered something. Shadowkiller?

Have you boys tried talking to each other about your-

Nope. Can't even pretend to ask with a straight face.

Everyone was watching now—not even Cuale gave any attention to his own burning inn—and Rand thought a little caution might not be amiss after all.

Exactly Rand. You're surrounded by strangers in an immediate sense and surrounded by Darkfriends in a metaphorical sense. No point celebrating being free just yet.

Suddenly he noticed that the others were looking at him, Verin and Ingtar, Mat and Perrin. He realized what he had been doing, and his face colored. “I am sorry, Ingtar. It’s just that I’ve become used to being in charge, I suppose. I’m not trying to take your place.”

It's fascinating, how this boy has to be dragged kicking and screaming into everything, but once he accepts it he just takes to it instantly. A couple weeks' leadership and the boy completely forgets Ingtar's even there.

You can see why Demandred, Sammael, and Etcetera'al got so pissy.

She’s Moiraine’s eyes watching me, Moiraine’s hand trying to pull my strings. But I have cut the strings.

If only Rand had tried to learn about politics while he was here. He might have realized that Verin knowing things doesn't at all mean she's on Moiraine's side.

I guess that would probably have only made him more suspicious.

Also I forgot to mention her directly when taking these notes but Tiedra's plump so we know she's a good innkeeper.

It almost seemed to him that she was in the room with him, that he could smell her perfume, so much so that he looked around, and laughed to find himself alone.

It wouldn't surprise me at all if she had popped in invisibly somehow.

It was him, he thought. Rand is the Shadowkiller. Light, what’s happening to all of us? His hands tightened into fists, large and square. These hands were meant for a smith’s hammer, not an axe.

The duality that Perrin will be grappling with rears its ugly head. At last he already knows the answer. Though that really just makes his plot arc all the more frustrating.

Also, points to Perrin for pulling off having Rand in his POV instead of what usually happens (thus far in the series) and Rand hogging the spotlight. This isn't the first time this has happened (Egwene did it back in Fal Dara), but it does show the transition this series is slowly undergoing.

One of Mat’s eggs hit the floor and cracked. He did not look at it, though. He was looking at Rand, and Ingtar had turned around.

Mat, the so-called idiot, irresponsible fool: Has a tell about Rand's situation but volunteers nothing and doesn't cause any trouble.

Perrin realized he was staring, too. “Well, he did not fly,” he said. “I don’t see any wings. Maybe he has more important things to tell us.” Verin shifted her attention to him, just for a moment. He managed to meet her eyes, but he was the first to look away.

Perrin, the so-called quiet, responsible kid: Tries to get in a fight with a woman several decades his senior over his friend's honor.

“Interesting,” the Aes Sedai said, a thoughtful expression on her face. “I would very much like to meet this girl. If she can use a Portal Stone. . . . Even that name is not very widely known.”

Verin must suspect. How panicked does this make her?

Rand asked the innkeeper if there were any more books, and she brought him The Travels of Jain Farstrider. Perrin liked that one, too, with its stories of adventures among the Sea Folk and journeys to the lands beyond the Aiel Waste, where silk came from.

Is this our first real Shara reference? I think it might be.

The Shienaran played with a slashing, daring style. Perrin had always played doggedly, giving ground reluctantly, but he found himself placing the stones with as much recklessness as Ingtar. Most of the games ended in a draw, but he managed to win as many as Ingtar did.

Ignore the terrible pun and focus on how Perrin is being shifted by his experiences as well. Perhaps this is why he talked back to Verin earlier.

“There are Darkfriends among the high as well as the low,” Verin said smoothly. “The mighty give their souls to the Shadow as often as the weak.” Ingtar scowled as if he did not want to think of that.

Frankly Verin, if there weren't so few Aes Sedai I'd argue the Tower's horrible percentages make the mighty even more frequent donaters. And indeed note that Ingtar isn't "as if" anything. It's exactly the case that he doesn't want to think about noble Darkfriends.

“I know little of Cairhienin,” Ingtar told him, “but I’ve heard enough of Galldrian. He would feast us and thank us for the glory we had brought to Cairhien. He would stuff our pockets with gold and heap honors on our heads. And if we tried to leave with the Horn, he’d cut our honored heads off without pausing to take a breath.”

It's mind-boggling how actively detrimental to the cause of existence most of the modern day royalty proves to be. Like obviously they need to be toppled from their thrones and all that but damn.

There was a dignity to him that Perrin did not remember; Rand was looking at the Aes Sedai and the Shienaran lord as equals.

Well he's found the Horn of Valere twice now, so he's worthy of being a legendary hero even ignoring all the stuff he hasn't done yet. Selene's flirting sadly helped.

It will also help if you remember the way you behaved before the Amyrlin. If you are that arrogant, they will believe you are a lord if you wear rags.

Lan's training paying off in a dozen ways. He'd be so proud if he were here.

“A sa’angreal.” She sounded as if it were really not very important, but Perrin suddenly had the feeling the two of them had entered a private conversation, saying things no one else could hear.

For example, she's basically telling Rand what tools are available to him.

One by itself is powerful enough, but I can think of few women strong enough to survive the flow through the one on Tremalking. The Amyrlin, of course. Moiraine, and Elaida. Perhaps one or two others. And three still in training.

I guess Verin must think Cadsuane dead, since Lelaine and Romanda would make three if she were being counted. How terrifying that at this very point the White Tower has a total of eight, kind of nine women capable of using the Choedan Kal. It should be so much more.

As for Logain, it would have taken all his strength simply to keep from being burned to a cinder, with nothing left for doing anything.

Unless the male statue is quite different and only ever meant for Lews to use, Verin is very mistaken here. Logain is only a step below Rand, and there's sixteen tiers in between him and Moiraine.

She was talking to Rand. Perrin knew it, and from the queasy look in Mat’s eye, he did, too. Even Loial shifted nervously in his chair.

Thank goodness the empath is the POV to confirm that Loial is not blind or stupid but has in fact put two and two together.

Watching Verin’s smile, small and mysterious, Perrin felt a chill. He did not think Rand knew half what he thought he did. Not half.

Perrin you don't even know half of how right you are.

But we'll get to that next time, when our company visits The Huge Toad Crouching in the Night: Lord Barthanes's Manor! (Disclaimer: Toads may be metaphorical or even simileical)

#let's read #wheel of time #wot #robert jordan #wheel of time spoilers #wot spoilers #rand al'thor #verin mathwin #hurin #mat cauthon #loial #perrin aybara #ingtar shinowa #cuale #tiedra

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the-gayest-show · 1 year ago

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It's a little disheartening to see people disrespecting Molly's decision to sacrifice what she had with Scratch in order for him to have his life back. I’m not sure if detractors of the series finale truly understand Molly as a character.

Literally the thoughts in my head! I'd seen a couple of those posts and thought to reply to them somehow but couldn't figure out a way to get to all of them, so this ask should do it...

The message has been there the whole time. In Libby's exposition, she mentions the quote from maya angelou: "What is a fear of living? It's being preeminently afraid of dying. It is not doing what you came here to do, out of timidity and spinelessness. The antidote is to take full responsibility for yourself - for the time you take up and the space you occupy. If you don't know what you're here to do, then just do some good." I believe this sums up scratch's arc and molly's (i will get into it later) to a T. He shut himself off from the world for years before molly met him, and was very afraid to take risks or do anything new (this is seen in episodes like All Systems No, where the whole point is scratch literally saying no to things and molly always saying yes to things). And probably other s1 and s2 episodes but none are actively on my mind rn. Him leaving to take risks was practically necessary, living out his life IS necessary because he couldn't bring himself to do so before but now he can.

Scratch needed to do something. We find out he's a wraith and then what? He can't just live outside his body knowing full well that he has a body and knows of its existence! I guess the main point argued was that he didn't have to be scrubbed of memory... I'd like to bring up a tweet that involves Bill's reasoning for choosing this path https://twitter.com/InevitablyBill/status/1746595852138008750 (it's a thread btw, take a read, i love it so much!). At the end of the day, imagine this: he goes into his human body, stays with the mcgees... maybe he meets adia... but isn't the whole point that he knew adia for years, even as a child, and wanted to come with her, but his anxiety/depression always got the better of him? Isn't the whole point that he needs to leave, he can't stay forever! You could argue "he fit so perfectly fine with the mcgees! it makes their friendship pointless like this!" but the real question of the day is: why do you think he isn't a mcgee anymore? just because he forgot them (define forgot since he subconsciously remembers stuff)? family is forever. It's in your soul! I've met some wonderful people (adults and kids alike) that have semi-made me into the person I am today. Chosen family comes and goes, sometimes it stays a while and then leaves. I still feel sad for losing touch with people I thought would stay forever...But that DOES NOT make it any less worthwhile. It's what molly said: "If you don't remember me, at least you'll remember that." The things he learnt weren't erased. He didn't "forget them", not really. Because if he did he'd be right back at square one, being all "I don't need friends!" and "Being good's for suckers!" and now that would make everything pointless.

Molly has trauma. Valid point, but I raise you this: She chose to let go. She fully understood the risks even as scratch pointed them out, and despite everything. Just as easily she could've said that it was ok and he didn't have to go back, but she didn't.

This show is heavily grounded in reality for something based on silly ghosty adventures. Why can't someone leave? Because of plot? Shit happens anyways, trauma or no trauma, and if anything, molly isn't alone. Molly originally clung to scratch as a forever friend because she didn't want to be alone. She isn't alone now though! She's got Libby! She's got Ollie and June! She's got Geoff as well (technically), so she's not completely done for!

#posts #asks #tgamm #i kinda procrastinated posting this lollll #if i forgot a point i'll edit the OG post but anyways i cant let this mf sit in the drafts for like 5 days

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wonderfullifestream · 3 months ago

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What's a Metaphor you? (What drove me nuts about Refantazio)

One of the last things Hulkenberg says, which absolutely made me lose my mind, is, "The people cannot rightly trust a king whose face they do not know."

I want to remind Hulkenberg of something everybody already knows: the king's face, because of the events of the game, has become one of the most known faces in the entire world. Either Hulkenberg or the scriptwriters forgot that this world of magic has conjured up, in the center of a every town square throughout the land, a GIANT STONE FACE that reflects the king's appearance exactly and has increased in size with his fame. It is the one face the average person would know best aside from their friends and family.

This may be Potent Political Commentary on a lazy electorate who, even with magic at their disposal, refused to participate in their civic duty. A ton of people may just never look at the king's giant stone face at all. "Unless the king brings down the price of gasoline, I don't give a shit."

Also, let me get this straight about Pontifex Forden's big plan. He tried to kill the Prince by burning the Elda village, but I guess the Prince got away somehow to live at the palace. So then years later, he wants to kill the Prince using a child prodigy (Rella) so that he could give a demotion to another child prodigy (Louis). I feel like this could be Potent Commentary on organized religion's obsession with controlling children, but it strains credulity that Forden's whole career depends on managing no less than three very special unreleated children simultaneously.

(And he can't just have Louis killed as well, because, I don't know there would be an uprising amongst the armed forced if a particularly charismatic 14 year old died? (How the hell old is Louis supposed to be, exactly?) And somehow outright killing Louis is too risky... but killing the Prince is not risky?)

(And why does Forden have to threaten Rella with Junah's life? Why can't he just convince her to kill the Prince? He's the most powerful Church leader in the realm and she's some kid. Isn't the whole point of making a kid do your dirty work that they'll do whatever you say? Forden absolutely has people who are more loyal to him, so why doesn't he use them? I guess because Rella is somehow the only person capable of killing the Prince? Why??)

Anyway Rella gets stagefright and decides to improvise a coma curse on the Prince instead of killing him. Forden then, somehow (again!), loses track of the Prince's body and it ends up back in the Eldan village he was so sure he had destroyed. I'd also like to point out that Forden also failed to verify Louis' death after the party attempts to assassinate him. Just to highlight how much of the plot happens based on Forden failing to verify that these extremely powerful magical people who absolutely need to be dead for his plans to work are actually dead.

So Forden fails to 1) kill the Prince, 2) disenfranchise Louis, or 3) indoctrinate or intimidate Rella. This is the ruthless Sanctist Church we'resupposed to be so afraid of.

This game is pretty misogynistic. You don't just have to have female characters dress in gratuitously sexy clothes to be misogynistic. You can also just treat them as children or objects lacking agency. (See: Ann from Persona 5)

If Lady Joanna were a man, the cast would call him a disgusting freak for murdering so many children. Instead, she's just a smol bean because, I mean, who could blame her? I know if I were a mother and I lost my child, my life would be over and I would obviously go nutso crazy and could not be held accountable for my actions. At worst, I would accept my execution nobly with my head held high. Hey, when it comes to a ruler mudering a pile of children, we're all victims, really.

Heismay, being a man, can shoulder the tragedy of a child's death. Heismay's arc is quite unique for a video game. When did you last spend so much time helping a parent decide what to do with his child's remains? As for Heismay's child's mother? Well. Uh... who cares. In fact, let's not even allude to her existence a single time. Surely that isn't incredbly weird at all. She probably wasn't even cool!

Now, Rella, who cursed the Prince to save her sister's life? She's gotta die. "I mean, she's super talented, can't she just undo the curse?" No, sorry, that's not the rules of the curse. "Seriously, she's so powerful she can use telepathy on a bunch of people across a great distance. The Prince has already been comatose for a long time, we can wait a little longer for her to figure it out." Sorry, no, if we keep her alive, we'll have to explain why she can't join your party. It's way, way eaier to just kill her, trust me.

Speaking of magic, magic is bullshit. For random NPCs, it means telepathy and turning people into monsters. For you, it's only ever elemental attacks and buffs. And you never even use those in cutscenes. Gameplay over on this side, please, plot on that side, thank you.

The King's Magic keeps the top contenders for the crown from being assassinated. The ONLY way you can strike someone whose face is on the big rock is by challenging them to a duel. Okay. So how come, in the back half of the game, every single monster doesn't explode when they come near you? I sure as shit didn't consent to being attacked by monsters. If I walk around with my weapon out, does that automatically consent to every duel? Is that how it works?

The King's Magic is absolute. Unless you yell at the sky for it to go away, like Louis does. Well, to be fair, he probably had to do that so the script writers would be able to ignore the rules of the middle of the story so they can write a classic final RPG act where you just fight your way to the top. Thanks, Louis!

It's funny how, despite the possibilities setup by Metaphor's world, the writers always do their best to steer the game back toward what they know instead of trying something knew. They come up with the concept of a dead king deciding his successor based on the popular will. How does one achieve popularity? Well, dungeon crawling like you did in Persona 5. Boy, that's convenient. It's almost like the story could have been about anything and the gameplay would be the same no matter what.

Yes, I know you can "debate" your opponents. It's not an in-depth system or anything. The game can't end with batgirl mechanic Lina Kayden as king. You can't even get too popular too quickly, and the game will lock your popularity ranking until the plot decides your popularity for you. The popularity mechanic mostly feels like playing pretend with the game, because we both know that I can't change the script by debating or dungeoning-crawling differently. And the game itself acknowledges that the will of the people is nowhere near as rewarding as getting on good terms with about 14 very specific people.

Isn't it weird that the Sanctist Church co-opts the Dead King's Magic Contest to create a fake tournament of their own? Wouldn't it be to the church's benefit to ignore the contest and continue their largely unopposed reign, rather than allowing a public event to be coopted by someone they can't control? Wouldn't it be to your party's benefit to avoid participating in events controlled by the powerful institution that hates you? Why do any of them do this? Oh? So that there's a reason for an important plot point to occur exactly every 30 days, just like in Persona 5? Gotcha.

Remember how the Prince's curse is cured and we know about it right away, and we don't immediately go to him in our airship and let everyone know he's alive and instantly get everyone on our side? Why? Are we stupid? Does the script just need to to dick around for a week so the Prince can get "killed off" while defending someone? The Prince's soul-less body got up and, what, took a sword stab for some peasant? And the people charged with protecting him for years let him endanger himself, the exact thing they've been trying to avoid for years?

Isn't it weird that the prospective ruler of the kingdom almost never talks except to sound like a doofus or act as a thesaurus but only for the word Yes? Shouldn't a leader have a strong voice of their own, as demonstrated by the other frontrunners like Forden, Louis, and the old king himself? Oh? Because the protagonist is silent in Persona 5? Gotcha.

Mass Effect came out in 2007 and is still a prefect simulator for being a leader, making hard choices, and influencing people. Metaphor, just like Persona 5 before it, is a Special Little Boy simulator. You're not the main character because you've done anything. Somebody else decided you're a Special Little Boy, and that's why everything's gonna work out for you. If anything goes wrong, don't worry: you'll never have to change or sacrifice anything. In fact, it turns out you're a Super Special Little Boy, so those bad things won't happen, and everybody will be nice to you, because they have to.

Metaphor is a political game in the sense that I am Spider-Man for Halloween. I put on the costume and then I take it off when I'm done. I might say stuff Spider-Man would say, but I can't help you fight Doctor Octopus. Metaphor evokes racism and the institutional power of the church, but then it goes off and does whatever it planned on doing anyway and tells a story that might be challenging if you stopped reading books when teachers didn't make you anymore. The cute kid whose dad dies keeps a stiff upper lip and cheers everyone up. If someone in a pair of siblings has to die, it'll be the colder and more stuckup one, not the friendly one. The divine rite of kings is bad: unless it applies to you, then it's good and should be upheld. The land just needs a really, really Special Little Boy as King. The scam artist is secretly super noble and loves his mom and sacrifices himself to help you except just kidding he just faked his death! No bummers allowed here!!

Final Fantasy Tactics is a game where the first encounter has you failing to protect the princess. The second encounter makes you murder peasants in a wage dispute. If you're gonna tell me a game is political and it doesn't acknowledge how difficult it is to balance a society's material conditions without sacrifice - and it never puts you in a position where you feel that sacrifice - keep it to yourself.

Your mom uses the last of her magic (which, again, does whatever a NPC wants it to do) to save her soul and become a living voiceover instead of her subjects being burned alive. What an asshole. And this lady is supposed to lead me down the path to being a virtuous ruler? Well, she certainly knows what a bad ruler looks like: she is one and she also had a child with one. I would be so pissed if the child of these jerks ended up in charge of my kingdom.

Hey, Mom, if you're here to look out for me, why didn't you warn me about the requirements for unlocking the Royal Archetypes ahead of time? This game even takes its best quality, customizing your teams skills and abilities, and ruins it by revealing the "correct" way you should have been doing it all along to unlock the Royal Archetypes. You thought Strohl might be well suited to the Faker archetype? Sorry, fuck you, should have just kept him in his assigned role if you wanted to beat the superbosses. Imagine, a role-playing game that punishes you for trying to play a role.

The plot hinges on a Party City accessory. Louis keeps a headband with fake clemar horns on 100% of the time for his entire career. This only works because the character designs for Metaphor are incredibly lame. Clemars don't have cro magnon brows or fangs. They just look like regular humans with little horns. Paripus don't have pointed faces and claws, just little ears and a tail. The rhoag are just dudes with tattoos. The winged characters can't fly.

The nidia look like fucking Muppet Babies. But only for the two specific times where one specific nidia lets the magical glamour that makes them look tall and slender lapses. All other Nidia are constantly keeping up a magical spell to make them look like everbody else. What the fuck?

All of this makes the prejudice against the elda so flimsy. The average person has never seen an elda. Do they even know what one looks like? I thought elda had heterochromia, but apparently that's just a Main Character trait. So a random person sees the Main Character's fucked up eyes and somehow don't think he's a nidia (who, in addition to being Muppet Babies, have crazy prismatic irises). They don't think he's a rhoag with very faint tattoos. They don't think he has clemar horns hidden under his dumb headband. They jump straight to the wildest conclusion, that this person must be from the tribe nobody has seen for years. Louis fools even his political rivals with his stupid disguise, but some idiot in a back alley can instantly clock that you are an elda?

(You know what? It's probably just Potent Political Commentary about how the powerful can get away with obvious lies. It's certainly not a paper-thin excuse to fill dumb plot holes with more, still dumber plot devices.)

Even after they've given themselves license to do something out-there and weird by designing, I don't know, fantastical characters for this fantasy world, the designers have some kind of disease where everyone has be made tall, slender, and covered in Louis Vuitton patterns. The only difference from Persona is that the outfits in Metaphor would have you briefly detained by the police. Fantasy is dead, and Metaphor killed it.

This game where everyone constantly tells you exactly how they feel all of the time without any obfuscation or rhetorical tricks is called "Metaphor." Where is a metaphor ever used? Is this game supposed to be a metaphor for a good game?

Did I like anything about this game? Sure. Persona 5's optional frienship (social link) scenes were very boring because they were written to avoid interacting with the main plot. Metaphor, at least, allows the side characters to acknowledge major plot developments. (It's wild that I have to champion an accomplishment that Bioware made standard in their games for nearly 2 decade.)

Also, by virtue of being set in a fantasy world, the side stories at least allow unique opportunities to provide flavor. Nearly every tribe is revealed to have their own burial rites. We get to see how a small city decides to govern itself after their leader is executed. We find out an ally deals with chronic pain as a result of being subject to a fantasy Tuskegee Experiment. An unusually successful bounty hunter accidentally starts a cult of personality, then gives back to her community by starting a jobs program.

Although Heismay was an early favorite of mine, he (like all Atlus RPG characters) plateaus early and then spends every scene deploying his only rhetorical gambit: wisely recommending caution. The MVP of the game is, of course Big Dog Basilio. He is the one character we see with the greatest amount of complex relationships, each of which he is forced to reevaluate. Most playable characters merely allude to their tragic circumstances, but we actually see the horrible things that happen to Basilio and guide him toward change. His "awakening" scene is actually motivated by something internal and not just because the script says it's time for a new playable character to join. He also daintily pipes filling pastries.

I'm also thrilled that this game avoid a common anime foible by insisting that the Funniest Thing that could ever happen is that a girl is bad at cooking. Every playable character is actually an excellent cook, and one of the game's best features is that extremely useful items are accessed through culinary cultural exchange.

(They also insist on a new Funniest Thing, which is that Hulkenberg is such a gourmand that she'll eat gross food. That's the joke, and that's how they play it. A running gag is fine if you play around with expectations. It would be funny if we finally discover what food is too gross for Hulkenberg, or what simple and innocuous food she will treat as gross, or what gross-looking food she successfully convinces everyone is actually good. Hell, one of those variations might even have occurred, but I can't remember because of all the times they just play the joke straight.)

I also liked the part where they found a CD and tried to figure out what it was for. Hey, they never really satisfactorily explained why Shibuya was underground, did they? I guess if it looks kind of cool then that's all you need.

I would probably be able to remember even more stuff that I liked if my memories of them weren't all completely subsumed by the heaps of bullshit the game insists on yammering on about. For the last few hours I was just skipping through dialogue, and I realized that the script still made sense if only let every character speak the first sentence in each dialogue box and skipped the rest. If I could snap my fingers and eliminate half of the words in the script, this game would jump a full letter grade in my estimation.b

#metaphor refantazio #metaphor refantazio spoilers

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laceyamethyst · 2 years ago

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HELLO i am crash-landing in your inbox to declare that have ✨ BIG FEELINGS ✨ about the 2nd chapter of “he built a fire” and that i might leave an uber long comment on ao3 about all the big and small bits i absolutely loved if that’s ok, but if you’d rather i sent them here please let me know!! i stayed up last night to read it instead of going to bed early for work (and read it again anyway over breakfast, i am late, whoops 😬)

i just wanted to share/ask before i forgot

- i was kinda bummed you unalived i mean fired Brian off camera so easily, i wanted him to try reprimanding Oscar for his hilarious, politely sassy - but very public - comments during the Qatar GP and for Lando to come swooping to his defence 🫣 idea? maybe a leftover Brian Lackey? we all know Lando would throw hands the first chance he gets to defend Oscar

- also, imagine the Mexican GP in this universe - more importantly, the 5 F2 rookies driving in FP1 and your lore about how F2 drivers all look up to Oscar? Fred would be normal about it but imagine just 4 wide-eyed eager puppies following Oscar around and Lando just going full caveman banging pots and pans hollering in the town square declaring “THAT ONE MINE NO TOUCHY” in the background while Oscar’s just ☺️ ‘it’s really great to have them here’

- i was done with those two points but then i remembered Oscar inviting Lewis to an RC-car race after his win in Suzuka and I just 🤯 ??? Lewis IRL is so hugely supportive of the LGBTQI+, I just can’t help imagine how he’d fit in the Mission universe (accidental reluctant relationship guru? ‘don’t make the same mistakes i did?’)

thank you for your consideration i will now go back to floating on cloud nine after chapter two 💗 have a spectacular week, you deserve it after making mine so awesome ❤️

oh my goodness, this was just... the nicest most wholesome wonderful thing to wake up to?!? thank you SO much, you have no idea how happy it makes me that you enjoyed the fic 🥺

firstly, i would absolutely love to hear any and all thoughts you have about that chapter because it fills me with so much joy to see which parts of my fics readers like most (and it also helps me decide what plot points to focus on next)! so please feel free to comment away on here or on ao3, and never ever worry about it being too long

and secondly, serious question: are you in my brain?! because, listen:

let me tell you how i had a whole dramatic ass scene planned involving a very public takedown of brian courtesy of one (1) lando norris, but i had to cut it out bc the chapter length was getting out of hand 😭. i adore your idea of oscar's qatar comments getting him in trouble and lando jumping to his defense (on live TV, perhaps? ahem)

oh please the rookies hero-worshipping oscar at the mexican gp and lando having absolutely None of it? that image is sending me

ok yeah you absolutely are in my brain because how did you know i had a whole scene planned where lewis talked to oscar after the race (bc he of course crashed into him in monza), firstly to apologize but when he realizes osc and lando just fought he was going to be all 'don't you dare let racing tear you apart you will regret it forever *cough* i still love nico *cough*.' but yes i love lewis and im trying to work him into a future mission fic!

i'm sorry for this very long and unhinged response, i'm truly vibing with these ideas and am super appreciative of you taking the time to share them with me 🧡

#this was truly the sweetest thing to wake up to #thank you sm lovely 🧡

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multifandomfreak · 2 years ago

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Spoilers for TheInvisibleDavis's SCP Series

As someone who is about 3/4 through season one ish, its pretty good so far. With it being a minecraft rp, things are very aprofessional and the editor just doesnt give a flying fuck. Sometimes the bg music is way to loud, sometimes the plot is interrupted by someone needing to leave. They can take it out, but they just don't, and its incredibly frustrating. I don't love it, but like, its investing, the drama is solid, and scps are really cool.

Onto the characters themselves:

Davis- He's cold and bitter, seems to deny any sort of positivity, and is all around a bitch. He complains about pretty much anything, and I understand where he's coming from in his situation, but g o d it can get annoying. But he also has his reasons. His ability causing him to remember how he dies every time he comes back, there is an insane amount of horror this man has seen. Hes died from both scps and people over and over again. He's taken advantage of his ability and will try time and time again under the idea he can get what he wants in the end. He's become pretty messed up and depressed in this state. He's either used or waiting to be used and he will do anything to get out. A total badass, but like I get tired of him complianing. Like dude you have a bed. remember being D-class? Yeah fuckin' appreciate it before its gone and you're back at square one. You don't have to pretend to be happy, just value what you got.

And with his trust issues, he can never see the good in the people he's working with (Kat SHE DESERVES BETTER) and its both his and the foundation's fault for this. Kat had to treat him like an experiment. She had to treat d-class like that, but Davis didn't get that. He still doesn't because he REFUSES to believe any of the researchers no matter how much integrity they show. Kind of silly and annoying of him, but thats kinda how trauma works.

I also forgot to mention I really liked him early on. He was like this angry lil guy who was pissed in his circumstance. His ability was rediscovered after those anesthetics messed with his brain. The atmosphere was great. These solitary rooms as Davis sees just how large this place is in his attempts to break free. The endless staircase and the meat room were probably my favorite parts of pre-scp Davis. I liked the mystery of that a lot.

After that its just been moments where there isn't much horror to it, but the angst is really good sometimes.

Once he found out he was a father, that frustration I had with him has lessened, given that kid is the one thing that makes him happy in this personal hell of his. And he only got to see the kid once and since hes been transparent about that. The thing is the foundation doesn give a fuck, so Harkmann and Kat had to put in work just to get it to happen. Again, Davis just doesn't think they care. I think I just want him to be a better person... and like maybe his son will do that. That'd be very sweet.

I also find it funny that Davis's self insert is a jacked badass who cannot die.

Kat- I like her. I didn't have much to say about her for a good chunk of the series, but she's the embodiment of "trying her best :'(" Shes new to her job, she just wants to help people, and shes gone through some awful stuff. For one, shes had to live through some horrific events. Containment breaches, held at gunpoint, stalked to the point where she couldn't stay in her own home, and kidnapped by that Cain cult. She lies that her kindness is for the complicity of Davis. That's just... tragic. At least she has a good relationship with Dr. Harkmann.

SPEAKING OF:

Dr. Harkmann- He's complicated for me. On one hand he came off as pretty kind and thoughtful of his fellow researchers, but if you get on his bad side, he can be brutal. That's sounds cool, but it hurts from the fact Davis had to go through some more torture after he blackmailed the foundation and Kat's life. He got pretty protective of her and goes pretty easy on her compared to the other colleages. It's not out of sexism so I respect that greatly. But kinda like Davis he can be a bitch. He feel like he has to put on this mask to be a cold and collected scientest and see any SCP as an experiement, no matter the sentience. He was also kind of taught to be that way. Idk his story is cool, I'm just not a big fan of who he is.

Reggie- Not enough screentime or standout scenes to form an opinion. He developed a hatred for Davis after... something went wrong. 99% sure it was the gunpoint situation, but it could have also been the time he knew he was killed. The time where- idk he was pretty chill but I just kind of stopped caring about him after some time I was watching.

Uh anyways. Good series. Lotta bad pacing (imo) so I get bored easily. 3/4 of them need therapy. Kat just got to see a therapist from where I'm at.

And otso, almost forgot him. Ill talk about him when im more awake im stupid tired.

#theinvisibledavis #rambling #scp

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agirlinsearchof · 2 years ago

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Finally picked up FE4 for the first time in a while!

Tailtiu seems like a fun character! She had it rough in the arena, though. I can’t wait to see her conversations with Azelle!

I am making an effort to pass down Claud’s Valkyrie staff, even though I am such a perfectionist that I don’t let my units die… paradox much? At least he has Fortify, so it’s not like he’ll only be standing there looking pretty while I try to pair him with Silvia. Speaking of whom, she has the Leg and Knight Rings at this point. She’s the most mobile Dancer in Fire Emblem now! Nine whole squares of movement, with Canto, in the one game with road tiles? And being able to refresh four units? Dancers were at their most useful here!

Brigid is super cool! Yewfelle is OP! No wonder only two player-usable holy weapons increase the stat that increases damage output!

So far, the plot is taking a tense turn! Sigurd is believed to be a traitor and a murderer. Yikes.

Next time I pick this back up, I will promote Lachesis and watch the ensuing ass-kicking. She’s probably my favorite character so far! And if what I’ve heard is true, I’ll get to use her even more!

I hope the Brave Bow patches up Midir’s Arena performance in Chapter 5. (Kinda late, but still.) At any rate, even if he doesn’t get much use out of it, Lester sure will!

The only thing I regret is not selling Ethlyn’s Return staff so Lachesis could pass it to Nanna. I meant to do that but forgot until it was too late. At least Finn will keep his Brave Lance by virtue of being single, so he should keep Leif and Nanna out of trouble with minimal issue.

#liveblog of the holy war

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dailyrandomwriter · 2 years ago

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Day 349

So a long while ago, I bought a Hidden Object game called Season of Mystery. I had bought it for one reason, it was published by Square Enix, and I wanted to know what a hidden object game published by them was like, it helped that it was under 2 dollars.

Which was a good thing, because I didn’t check when that game was made (2010). If you’re not familiar with the Hidden Object game genre, it is, what the genre says on the tin, you find hidden objects. Often today, these type of games are mystery games with a story plot and have a lot in common with point and click adventure games. I like these kinds of games because I grew up on them, and I can finish them in a day. I can’t promise the narrative is always good, but most of the time it’s not awful. I would actually recommend them to people who have never played video games and are my mother’s demographic.

So why am I talking about a game that was made in 2010? Because I forgot Hidden Object games when they were first designed were very different and objectively harder than the Hidden Object games made today. Now to be clear, I am considered old in some circles; I was a child of the 90s.

And as a child of the 90s, I grew up on Highlight magazines, back when getting a magazine subscription was still very popular. It was a very popular children’s magazine that my mother had a subscription for. It was great! It had stories, puzzles, little arts and crafts and it would keep me out of her hair for like an hour… maybe…

It was very hard to use books to keep me busy because I would burn through them so quickly as a child.

Anyways, one of the consistent pages in a Highlights magazine was a page called Hidden Pictures, and like Hidden Objects, you had to find the object. Now, you can actually look this up, Highlights still exist, and they actually now sell books just full of these Hidden Pictures. The way Hidden Pictures worked was that the artist drew a scene, and then hid within it, more drawings disguised as other things.

Another similar thing to this are the I Spy books which make a scene out of a lot of little objects and then you can go look for all those objects.

Both of these inspired the Hidden Object genre, and the first games that came out were designed like that. They were often pictures that were imposed, stretched or hidden into a main scene and that was because they were probably very heavily influenced by those types of puzzles. It was also boosted by the fact that the first Hidden Object games could take stock images and put them into the game itself since it was just hiding an image within an image. This made developing them cheaper in the long run.

The fact that the games were designed like old fashion page puzzles using realistic images made the older Hidden Object games much harder to find things in. I forgot that, that was the reason why I had a harder time with old Hidden Object games.

At some point, probably because the market for Hidden Object games was becoming very saturated by mid-2010, the developers of those types of games began to draw everything by hand. It sounds counter intuitive because that would have raised production costs, but it made the games more visually appealing. I suppose since they had to draw it all out themselves, they decided they might as well make scenes that visually made sense. So objects no longer were being hidden, pretending to be another object, but rather the scenes were designed more like I Spy books and just full of a lot of things. Like a pantry full of food, or a junk drawer.

But yea, that’s a weird change to Hidden Object games that had passed through my brain while trying to play (and giving up) on a very old Hidden Object game.

#hidden object games #thoughts on game design #I'm kind of old

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strange-and-dynamic · 6 months ago

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Dateline: December 4th, 2024

I had a dream that started with me time traveling (this is the first ever dream where the plot was me time traveling—) going back in time to when I was younger on a failed Halloween where I didn’t get to go trick or treating because I had no costume and I was sad about it, I wanted to see if there was a way to change that outcome to where I did get to go trick or treating, but the time I traveled to on that day was too late to go, thus I failed anyway

After that, and a whole bunch of other stuff I can’t remember (something in the vein of events where I was met with disappointment of missed opportunities), it cuts to this screenshot of a tumblr post of a user mini-venting about their desired reality not being real, and it zooms out from that screenshot into a grassy field with white flowers (unable to tell if those were white dandelions or daisies but they were moderately tall flowers with a little white bulb on the end, maybe they were special dream flowers??) and a big, beautiful blue sky, and pans down to 2 puppets of a baby duck with little black beady eyes and a little brown nub for a beak, and a green felt ball with white noodle arms and white little beady eyes, and they look sad (as sad as you can make a puppet look by casting down their head and very slightly bending their mouth in the middle lol)

And the puppets walk off together to the side while still looking sad, but as they walk, happy sounding music starts to play, and they start doing routine movements with their arms (kinda like this: /o/ \o\ and then those same directions pointing downward)

When the song reaches its climax, suddenly it’s a hand drawn cartoon of sonic characters! Consisting of Sonic, Amy, Tails, Knuckles, Tikal, and a chao, most of them looking different, the main differences were Tikal wearing way different clothing, Knuckles and Tails both have white bandanas tied around their necks, and the chao having a green bandana on his neck

I can remember the climax of the song, so much so that I wanna recreate it! I can even remember a tiny amount of lyrics from it too!

OOH OOH AND THERES THIS SHOT FROM THE END OF THE MV!! It was all of them jumping onto a different square of the sidewalk (they all marched to a street, I’m assuming they were going through a park and into a small town) to the beat of the song, and the last ones to jump on their squares were Knuckles and Tikal, when Knuckles jumps on his, Tikal jumps on hers after, and they do a fun sort of handshake consisting of them doing a low five and then a high five with the song too, after that, it’s 3 quick shots of the characters doing work on a big red house with wooden board fencing, and the song ends with a zoom out of the house.

I’ve done an artistic recreation of the handshake scene! The whole intro (context clues tells me this would be the intro to a show) was in a late 90s tv show, hand drawn cartoony, childish style, and every character had slight differences except Sonic for some reason lol (I forgot the chao, sorry </3)

^^^ this is a direct recreation to the best of my ability btw, yes the sidewalk and street were fucked up and yes they all had necks hsvxiworhfbsi

#stay tuned for a post talking about messages I think my guardian angel is trying to send me through my dreams btw #dynamic recollection #dream blog #dream diary #man I really want to make a sonic AU based off this dream! Said AU would be mainly comprised of fake screenshots n stuff #it won’t be posted up here tho probably on my art blog (if I link it I might break the illusion of this one jsncjsje)#I’ve been getting a lot of ideas from my dreams lately!! maybe my G.A. wants me to create something 🤔#sonic the hedgehog #sth #sth fanart #<- I think it counts??

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mythos05reviews · 2 years ago

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2.4/5 stars

I will start by saying that I really tried hard to like this book. I read this when I was in high school but dropped it. This time I picked up both the audiobook and the physical book in order to make sure I actually finished. (Sometimes my brain simply cannot compute an audiobook.) It took 2–3 days (I had to pick up the book again today because I already forgot everybody's names. I lost the sheet with all their names/info.), but I was able to get through it. I've only read a couple of Stephen King's books, and by far this is my least favorite one. The only reason that I finished so quickly was because I did not want to have to deal with dwelling on it any longer.

Things I liked

- The narrator did an amazing job of adding emotion and making this long book bearable. - Evie was an interesting character to follow as well as the rats. - Norcross's backstory was actually complex and interesting but that isn't transferred much into how he acts as an adult.

Things I Disliked:

- There are too many characters to keep track of. I ended up having to annotate the character's name, chapter they were introduced in, & a little bit of info on them because I kept having to go back. (This could just be a me problem.) Some characters didn't seem to be anything more than a series of stereotypes. Others were given too much thought to not even end up becoming relevant to the plot. - As mentioned before, I do believe this could have been shorter. I do feel like certain parts could have been cut out. Such as giving too much attention to characters that contribute nothing to the plot or worldbuilding. - The pacing was driving me insane. It went so slowly, but we were bouncing through so many different people's POVs. Just when I was actually getting interested in what happened BOOM, another person's POV, and its back to square one trying to remember the last time they were mentioned because sometimes you need that to understand what's actually going on. - The ENDING just sucked in my opinion. It was rather predictable and at that point I was glad I was done. I'm actually proud of myself for getting through the full 23 hours of the audiobook. Even if I took so many breaks.

To me, this wasn't scary at all. It had a good premise but a bad execution. I would be very hesitant to recommend this book. I would have to know the person really well and know that this is exactly what they wanted to read in order to do so.

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werechampions · 3 months ago

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These get increasingly more disjointed and disorganized as I get less sleep <3 went back to doing it chronologically bc my brain preferred it like that

suing for emotional damage for this scene of misty at the morgue. I deeply appreciate that we are getting these cross-timeline shots, largely because of how effective it is visually, but also because it really sets in the fact that, as we always say, these kids never had a chance to grow up, even if they grew up, and in there’s something so visceral about how they show them reverting back to their teen selves in their most vulnerable moments

the mistylot shippers really won with this ep. the absolute gentleness with which misty handles lottie’s body. I feel like this is true misty at her core - she’s weird and offputting but she’s also a caretaker even if not the most effective one. she commits elder abuse and steals personal effects, but she’s also earnest about wanting to find out what happened to lottie. unlike walter, who sees this as a game or a challenge a la moriarty, and is using that in his citizen detective approach, it’s not just another intriguing case for misty. This was her friend, and compared to the others, lottie did show misty kindness and attempt at actual friendship for the most part and I don’t think that misty takes that for granted.

three cheers the milfs and cougars reunited! (even if it was only for one scene and then they forgot each other existed again). I’ll say in general that taivan and that whole mess are the only things that are keeping me super compelled in the adult timeline. reserving judgment for this whodunnit mystery plot they’ve set up but so far I’m not that enthused. once again, it feels like we’re pulling away from the initial premise of the series to showcase grief and ptsd and trauma and the unique ways that comes out. sort of eating my words because a few weeks ago, I mentioned enjoying the element of black comedy, but I meant that I wanted to see the main cast have that, not frodo baggins

tai not saying a single line in that entire scene with the exception of “my god” at the reveal of lottie’s death (which I think may have been an unscripted reaction they left in). it feels like although tawny has been teasing since the beginning of the season that we’re going to realize we’ve been seeing more of other tai than we think, this episode was for the general audience who needed that extra handhold to understand that and who may not be tapped into the press like us nerds are. The lack of dialogue here and her later scenes really felt like they wanted to hammer that point home for casual viewers

all of their reactions when misty drops that bomb is so delicious to me for a variety of reasons. Shauna's immediate denial, van’s wanting to be certain, tai not asking for any further details at all (completely uncharacteristic of her imo)

since the show did not want to give us anything with adult van and lottie, I will have to make it up myself so I’m going to obsess over lauren’s little reaction when shauna says “I just saw her the other day”. making the executive decision that van did not know that lottie was even out of the psych ward because I can’t really square a way where she knows that and isn’t trying to take care of lottie in some fashion

“Are you sure? I mean she’s… she can’t be. She’s… Lottie…” so many goddamn thoughts van and her relationship with the wilderness as compared to her relationship with lottie as a conduit for the wilderness. Even as we see van’s faith in the wilderness waning, her reverence and care for lottie herself never fully seems to fade, even if she says she wants nothing to do with all of that. She’s one of the first people to put lottie on that pedestal when they are out there, with her jock-superstitious tendencies. She follows up with being the one to create the hunt, one of the real perversions of lottie’s teachings. misty spins it but van started it. ‘She’s like this because of us’. There are so many deeply complex layers to their relationship and I’ll forever be disappointed that we got to see none of that actually play out with lauren and simone

I am starting to feel like there is something more between this misty and van beef beyond the fact that van is just Like That sometimes. Certainly a lot has changed since f sharp but I’ll never forget the fact that it was van saying that they’d be fucked out there without misty, that directly led to misty destroying the black box. Is it connected? Idk but it’s starting to tip over into “there’s a reason for it” or “we don’t know what to do with van other than have her talk about tai or be mean to misty” and I’d prefer the former just to be clear

I feel like they all brushed past the whole “someone locked shauna in a freezer and left her for dead” part really quickly but I guess that’s fair bc shauna didn’t actually die and lottie is actually dead but also, are we really not going to talk about that at all? Lmao I don’t expect her to bring up jackie or the hallucination, but it still feels like something that maybe could’ve used another line or two

“none of that stuff with natalie would have happened if it weren’t for her” first of all, I love the casual confirmation that all of them know misty was highkey obsessed with nat (idk why that was even up for debate tbh) but also SUPER obsessed with the reaction shot from van when shauna says that. there’s the tiniest flinch from van, she kind of sucks into herself and it feels like guilt especially if she really believes that her cancer has been somehow helped by her death

“for lottie. And for natalie because that’s what she would’ve done” - she’s right and she should say it. the showrunners really weren’t kidding when they said a lot of the adult timeline coalesces around the absence of adult nat.

One thing I do appreciate about the adult timeline this season despite the other misgivings I have, is it really presses on the point that these are not necessarily friendships, these are trauma bonds. It’s unsurprising to me that misty interchanges the two as the show made it pretty clear she had no real friendships pre-crash and her first real one ended the way it did (rip kristen not crystal). Tai and shauna are the closest thing each other has to a best friend but they also bicker and butt heads and that has always been a core facet of their relationship. As I’ve already loudly and annoyedly established, van doesn’t have much going on outside of tai and we could talk all day about the kind of fucked up codependent traumabond that taivan has. Shauna screams at lottie to get the fuck out of her house, but also immediately appoints herself to figure out what happened to her. It’s supposed to be messy and complex and not always be healthy. None of these relationships are healthy because they are laid against the backdrop of the most unimaginable trauma so idk why people are expecting them to be the pinnacle of best friends either

ben and akilah :c right now ben truly is the only white man I’m tolerating on this show and maybe I’m biased but steven has been so good this entire season and it’s so funny to think about how far he’s come. Coach josh yellowjackets I am glad you are getting your flowers. I have a lot of flyaway thoughts about this relationship and I appreciate this show makes me do that. Both of them representing a sort of final representation of humanity but in different ways, and then setting them on this path together that both is entwined while also dragging each other down in a different way, idk I don’t have the brain to fully articulate it, but this made really intuitive sense for me. Ben, who knows he has been condemned to die, the last vote that sealed his fate made by the very girl who is now in his cell and taking care of a baby goat. He could be angry, he SHOULD be angry, but instead he offers up advice and humanity. Maybe it’s a way to try and appeal to akilah, who he can obviously see has a heart, but I also don’t think ben is thinking that far ahead. He’s given up on his own fate, and still he chooses kindness. It works only slightly, akilah probably went into the pen telling herself she wasn’t going to interact with him, wasn’t even going to look at him, but then ben talks to her, reminds her that he is still a human being, and she offers him what she can (which isn’t much) but really sets the tone for her deciding to go with lottie to the caves

I love the choice to have misty not wear natalie’s jacket when she’s around any of the others. She brings up natalie when it makes sense to, she doesn’t shy away from discussing the topic with them because they all knew her, but she doesn’t wear the jacket and it’s such a misty thing to do, to want to keep that part of nat all to herself. Also misty huffing lottie’s clothes (that were on her literal dead body btw) like she did with nat’s jacket… when are they killing off walter to let her be free to be the freaky little lesbian she is??

hearing “charlotte” come out of misty’s mouth is so jarring, but at the same time, for someone who doesn’t read social cues all that well, I like that misty is able to pick up on the distinction between ‘lottie’ and ‘charlotte’. Charlotte is the persona for everyone else, the one lottie wanted to project and was told for her entire life that she needed to project to the outside world, but lottie was the girl they got to know on the soccer field and in the woods. No one else gets to have that but them

this whole conversation leading up to the draw is chefskiss. One thing that was Very striking to me was how they choose to open up the scene. Nat says there’s ‘got to be another way’, and gen and akilah exchange this look, which shauna witnesses. To me, gen and akilah are doubtful and they’re also the weak links when it comes to the vote. Yes, gen was the first to crumble and akilah was the vote that sealed the deal, but that also means if they change their minds on things, it could swing back in the opposite direction just as quickly and shauna isn’t willing to risk that when she’s getting what she wants. shauna is observant as all hell and she’s a quick learner. She spent years in jackie’s shadow, watching everything and saying nothing, and all of that is bubbling over now. Before, although she’s known enough information to manipulate people and take them down, she doesn’t actually take those steps, but that has entirely changed by now. Shauna wants to be the leader, and thinks she deserves to be the leader, but she’s also smart enough to know that an all out coup isn’t her answer. The jury vote itself was a significant thing because while it showed shauna a glimpse of the real power that she has out in the wilderness, it wasn’t a black and white thing. People weren’t following her because they thought she was right, they were following her because they’re scared of her. Ultimately, shauna doesn’t give a fuck why they’re following, just as long as they are, but she is smart enough to know that she can’t just be ham-fisted with it (yet). That balance is obviously shifting, but again, like steven described in that one interview, she’s like a snake. She’s unpredictable and now that everyone feels the balance shifting, the next question is which direction is she going to go next?

‘we can’t just keep him in the animal pen forever’ (you can if he’s meant to be food like the animals) that aside, so very important to me that it’s tai ends up being the one to literally pull the trigger on this and being an active participant in ben’s fate, and pointing out resignedly that they have to continue down this path that she had a hand in setting up. In the real world (which this is obviously not), it’s often very easy for prosecutors to walk away from a trial after sentencing someone to lose their life or liberty, and not have to face the actual practical consequences of what that means. In the real world, there is actual law enforcement and there are prisons, where these people are tucked away out of sight, out of mind. There are other cases to move onto and spend time solving, it’s easy to look away from the fact that they were involved in a state violence. ‘It’s one thing to say someone should die, and it’s another to like… do it.’ Unlike the real world, tai doesn’t get that option to look away and solidifies my headcanon on why she never went into criminal law. Shit changes when you’re literally the prosecutor and the executioner without any real buffer. While she wouldn’t have had to be in that position out in the real world, even just the prep that would go into trial work for criminal cases would hit too close to those memories that she’s trying to leave behind, especially when trying to convince the rest of the world that she is a good person

I am too tired and brain dead to put much thoughts into what exactly travis’ drawing means, but I’m obsessed with the silent reactions taivan had to it. Lottie explicitly says ‘I think it might be what it wants’ and tai chooses to pick it up. We’ve seen this furtherance of tai embracing the wilderness for herself over the last few episodes, not just because of van as she had tried to put forward in the previous season, and that openness really comes out to play here. She’s still skeptical, she picks up the drawing and inspects it, all while shauna is talking about the reality of the situation, which is still that they have to do something about ben. A charcoal drawing on a piece of bark isn’t going to change that. She doesn’t find the answers that she’s looking for in the drawing, almost annoyed that she thought she would and then she remembers it’s lottie who brought it up.

Van then pounces on it because in the same vein, she’s also trying to find a way out of this, despite the fact that she voted for it. The story is breaking down right in front of her eyes, and she’s not just the narrator anymore, or even part of the greek chorus. She played an active role in ben’s condemnation and she also has to face what that means for herself. She’s also sensitive to what tai, shauna and natalie are all saying (and not saying). Shauna makes it abundantly clear what she wants. Tai and nat’s reluctance is much more obvious. I don’t think they talked about this explicitly, the weight of the vote and understanding what it means that they were united in killing a man they may not fully believe is guilty. It would be too much to say that out loud, but they know each other enough to have these implicit understandings (and misunderstandings) of the other that they then use to move forward. It’s part of what makes taivan so fascinating to me, because they align in so many ways and are not aligned in just as many. Van can pick up on tai’s distress but she doesn’t have anything helpful to offer. She thought she was helping by pushing the vote so tai could win, but now there’s uncertainty but they don’t Talk about it and they Can’t talk about it

level setting from the previous ep: van has just voted to condemn ben to death and she knows exactly what that means, as unpalatable as it is. van went into the trial with her eyes open, moreso than most of the others I think, and understood what voting guilty on him would do. all the more delicious considering it comes off the heels of ben quite literally saving her life, admitting that he had known about her and tai before the crash, multiple moments where she is directly confronted with the fact that this man is a real human being in front of her, not the caricature she’s made up for the purposes of her story. And now they’re sitting around a table trying to figure out what to do with him. It’s the natural conclusion to the story, the movie doesn’t end with the verdict and van has to square up with that

‘if ben wanted to play with fire, then… we give him fire’ - SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE. First of all, perfectly fitting for shauna, with her love literature and tropes and tragedy, to suggest this end for ben. I don’t think shauna cares if ben is guilty of setting the cabin on fire or not, but that’s the lie they’ve all told themselves (to varying degrees of success) so that’s what she leans on. It’s the opposite of what ben taught her with animals, how to bleed out the kill humanely, in a way that allows them not to suffer. Shauna is once again testing the waters with every else to see how far she can push them into following along with her directions. When melissa pipes up to defend her, shauna’s not surprised nor is she grateful, but it’s becoming more clear to her that this is something she can use. The relationship will never be healthy, and I don’t think shauna is looking for it to be. It makes her feel a certain way that she both craves and is scared by because it’s all she’s wanted but doesn’t believe that she deserves

it’s me, so also obsessed with van’s reaction to shauna’s suggestion. She looks up from the drawing, but she’s shrunk down. She, more than any of them, understands exactly what shauna is suggesting, and she is absolutely thinking about the version of shauna who had tried to rescue her on the plane. It’s such a stark contrast from that girl, which van has been aware of, but she has this little physical reaction to the thought, which makes sense given her history and the fact that trauma was very recently unearthed through her hallucinations. At this point I don’t think we are going to get any further reactions to the hallucinations, beyond it being another thing, in a long list of things, that keep knocking down the facades of the story she’s been trying to keep going, and bringing up burning someone alive is going to absolutely raise up some traumatic memories for her

there’s something so painful about natalie being the one to suggest the firing squad. We’ve established that every individual has their own little role in the wilderness that they don’t stray away from. Mari the chef, akilah the animal whisperer, lottie the prophet, shauna the butcher, natalie the hunter, and so forth. She’s trying to do what she can to salvage a lost situation. She’s resigned to the fact that ben is going to die, she’s lost control of that part, but she doesn’t want to make him suffer needlessly the way shauna wants him to. A firing squad is more humane, but natalie is also the obvious choice to be the shooter, which shauna brings up in the next moment

‘who’s going to shoot him?’ a million thoughts in my head about natvan best friends and van knowing exactly what natalie is suggesting and what it will do to her. never not thinking about my personal headcanon of van being in the trailer park when nat’s dad died, of experiencing gun violence in that secondhand way, and seeing natalie’s immediate reaction to what happened. How it plays out in bear down when natalie is taking her turn at balancing the coin on the gun. Van knows what doing this would do to natalie and now she’s trying to figure out a way to protect her too

I very much love the decision to not have travis actively involved in this conversation of what is going to happen to ben. I don’t think he would want to be involved in coming up with a fate for someone who is in the position he could have been in, and could still end up in, but he can’t separate too far away from the group, lest they turn on him once ben is out of the picture. Every decision is a calculation, but it’s also a loyalty to both nat and lottie

I’m chewing on my arm because it’s van once more who makes up the rules for the game of life and death they’ve started to play. She chooses a different card, the ‘suicide king’. Many spinning thoughts on choosing that card because this is decidedly not suicide, this would be an execution. I think there’s still an element of making it a game/story, give it a fancy name and dress it up. However, also love this detail of distinguishing it from the hunt by giving it a different card. The hunt was necessary for survival, an ugly thing that had to happen but they can’t be ashamed of. This is something different and she deliberately chooses to set these two draws apart

as much as I didn’t really care for a lot of the adult timeline this ep, I do have a lot of feelings about shauna appointing herself as a citizen detective to figure out what happened to lottie, the absolute offense she takes when walter insinuates that she could have been the one to do it. Not like walter could know how their last interaction went, but once again, shauna is dealing with the guilt of having her emotions bubble up and end up in a fight with a friend, who ended up dying before they could have a real resolution for it. While she was hallucinating the first girl that she had kicked out of the house, the second one was dying. The comedic element of the adult timeline is a bit too campy for my taste at times, I would like them to allow these actors to do more of the dramatic stuff that the teen timeline does. Like it shouldn’t be as doom and gloom as the teen timeline, but the tonal shift between the two has become increasingly more jarring. Could be intentional, but I’m not particularly a fan

I remember one time my dad’s friend got pulled over by a cop in his new red convertible and the cop apparently told him that red cars are the easiest ones to spot because they’re so eye-catching, and I think about that any time shauna tries to (badly) tail someone. Also once again, this poor minivan, I’m amazed it still runs after everything it’s been through negl

the only reason I’ve tolerated walter up until this point is because elijah wood is very charming. I know that this is an element of hollywood, like they got elijah wood for a reason but I am irritated that they ALSO got lauren ambrose for a reason and she’s barely given anything. It does finally feel like they’re setting up this subplot to either cut him loose or bump him up to someone who is actually involved in the mystery, but this bumbling quirky thing is not doing anything for me now that it feels like it comes at the expense of getting more story with the main characters

van’s role of being the one to hold the cards is so significant to me. She’s the storyteller, the historian, and that role is yet another reason why she can’t fully repress what happened in the post-rescue. What makes her so effective as a storyteller isn’t that she’s just creative and a great imagination with fun voices and narration. All of these things are true, but van also has a very good knack for blending the details of reality and fiction in a way that makes the story easier to believe. If she just makes shit up, there’s always a chance that someone will argue “that’s not how it happened”, which is the opposite of what she wants. Instead, van embellishes where she thinks it’s important “sacrifices and miracles” but she also brings them back to reality in the next second by referencing the shit bucket. Coming up with and telling these stories ultimately requires van to look at what they all did and figure out what needs to be said and what needs to be hidden and keep all of those details straight.

I also think a lot about the passing of the cards between van and lottie, who are the only two people to really handle them. We don’t get to see these moments because the show doesn’t want to give them to me, but the deck of cards has effectively become their bible in the wilderness and I imagine it’s treated with a similar deference. It acts as an equalizer so everyone has the same chance at pulling the unpleasant thing but… many thoughts to be thunk given van’s reaction when taissa draws her card, which we know to be the king, and the way during the reveal, her eyes are locked on taissa, not anyone else, like she already knows what the outcome is and is waiting for tai to realize and see what her reaction is. I can absolutely see van rigging the cards to try and balance things in taissa’s favor, but I’m curious How she manages to do that without having anyone catch on. If there’s a visual representation that marks the card as different, I feel like it would be too noticeable and others would pick up on it. Between the reaction here and van’s line later on of ‘I wish I could’ve told you to pick a different card, it just makes sense to me that she’s doing it and she’s doing it without tai’s knowledge because, again they don’t talk about things. She was trying to protect tai because she can sense the wavering after ben’s testimony, hoped that maybe this was another thing that she could communicate to her without having to actually say anything

the lingering shot on tai before she turns her card around. The editing made it clear that’s where they were going, but god, she’s so little :c she stares at it for so long and then she flips it around and she shows it to the whole circle, but her eyes are locked on van, just like every other draw. In these moments, they’re the only two that matter and she’s trusting van to understand that she needs her to help her through this, even if she can’t say it out loud in this moment

then the hard cut to adult taivan in the restaurant where tai does not seemingly give a FUCK about lottie’s death, which is on brand of her bc only losers process feelings and taissa turner is not a loser. Again, we see those mergings of other tai and our tai, and I really do think that van is aware of this, she’s just enabling because she doesn’t know what else to do. But now we have this incredible context of knowing what played out in the teen timeline in this regard. We know that taissa had been sleepwalking, but eventually it stopped after they found javi, and she doesn’t know why for certain, but it was gone, and they purposely brought her back. They can never know if other tai would have stayed gone forever, but love love love how this recontextualizes some of the reason why other tai is obsessed with van (tawny’s words, not mine, and I love that description <3). Van was the first person to recognize that other tai was still a part of tai and she loved her despite it. That alone is reason enough for other tai to relax around van and actually speak with her. But now that we know that van was the reason other tai came BACK?

meanwhile, it’s another one of those things that van stands by in the moment while they’re in the wilderness and in an impossible situation, but brings regrets she couldn’t have possibly imagined back then, when she believed they were going to die out there. I’ll need to go back and rewatch s2 with fresh eyes for the moment when van realizes the sleepwalking started again, the outburst when tai breaks down and says what she did, the kiss from other tai. Did tai do that? Yes, but is van guilty for making her? Of course that’s really reductive, but these bitches are so codependent, they might as well be actually attached at the hip, so van Would think about it like that. She’s also lowkey incapable of fully letting taissa bear her own burdens, even if she should or their burdens that taissa caused for herself (like simone and sammy)

something something tai bringing up nat’s dad vs. Van talking about everything lottie went through

‘for her to just… die like that. What sense does that make?’ oh my sweet baby, it doesn’t make sense, it never makes sense. That’s the point. We wish it could make sense like the movies, where the people who die are bad and those who survive are good, but that’s not right based on what their experiences are. The people who died are the lucky ones, and the people who survived did horrible things to get there. But in the end, they were all just kids who went through the unthinkable

van asking about where tai went before their date. She doesn’t want to ask, doesn’t want to believe it, but since this is the show about false pattern recognition, she can’t not see it, considering taissa was ready to break into some random man’s apartment in the hopes that it would keep van alive. Personally, I don’t think that an hour is long enough for tai to track lottie down at her penthouse, push her down the steps, find a pretzel cart in central park and hire a horse and carriage to meet her at said pretzel cart, but who knows? The mystery will play out as it does, but for me, it’s the fact that van even asks that is more striking. Because she knows what taissa is capable of, what they’re all capable of. It’s the same reason shauna tails misty, and walter tails shauna

taissa counters this so brilliantly too, because van is already visibly nervous about even bringing this up. She knows how absurd it sounds even as she’s saying it, but she still has to ask for her own peace of mind, and tai presses on that a little more. She voices out clearly and plainly what van is insinuating that she did and making van scramble to defend it. It’s such a taissa move, and van plays into it exactly how she expects her to. Van backs down, but it’s tai so she keeps pushing. She wants van to admit that’s exactly what she was saying. As much as I joke that they don’t talk to each other, I wish that on the rare occasions that they do talk, they weren’t always being interrupted (except it wasn’t simone’s fault, it’s never her fault). Because ultimately, van knows as soon as she sees simone’s name on the caller ID, the moment is over. She doesn’t expect her to invite taissa to meet them, but she can guess that it’s going to change the mood of their conversation and the continuity is broken / would be too difficult to bring up again now

these little glimpses we are now getting of lottie’s life both thrills me and upsets me because why couldn’t we get this before? Why is the character exploration happening after her death and not in moments with lottie herself? I can understand a story where a death drives the narrative, but it kind of loses it’s effectiveness when they already had nat’s death doing that, and imo, lottie still had a bit more she could have contributed to the story beyond being the backdrop for a murder mystery

so on brand of van to paint a frowny face on a tree as a target. It’s a stupid, silly thing to try and break the tension, which ultimately fails, but she doesn’t know what else to do in this moment to support taissa. Because she’s never capable of understanding how this works, there’s a part of van who feels guilty that taissa is even in this position. She was the one who declared the rules of the draw, she was the one who failed to communicate to tai which card not to pick, and ultimately all of these things are absurd, but that’s just how van rolls, she wants to help shoulder the pain in whatever way she can

deliberately flashing to ben at doomcoming was CRUEL. Even if ben has fallen from grace out here in the wilderness, tai is still someone who respects authority, and can respect that ben had that authority once upon a time. It’s not necessary, but it’s meaningful that he doesn’t shun her like she assumes so many adults in her life would. Whether or not she knows ben himself is gay, ben outright told her that he could have used this intimate thing to hurt her and he didn’t, and it reminds her of this moment they shared after she finally had the bravery to be herself in the wilderness. I knew it would be painful from nat’s perspective, but got kinda blindsided by how much this one moment affected me

‘I’m just trying to get us through this.’ ‘Us? No, me.’ There is so much wrapped up in this exchange for me. The way van considers herself and tai a single unit, inextricable even in this. Tai’s pain is her pain and she’s trying so hard to show tai that she’s here for her. Tai laying down the cold reality that as sweet as that is, she is still the one that has to pull the trigger five feet away from their soccer coach’s head

once again going back and forth on whether van has any hidden knowledge about the cabin fire. I stand by what I said in that it ultimaely doesn’t matter for the larger plot, but it does kind of matter for how I want to play van. There will always be a guilt that she voted in favor of his death against her own, but that would be amplified if she had active knowledge that ben definitively didn’t do it and still voted against him. ‘He tried to murder us in our sleep, tai.’ This is the line delivery that makes me waver again. Van has no reason to front and make up stuff about ben for the others here. It’s just her and tai, so who is she trying to convince? Could make an argument that other tai did it and van witnessed but van also knows that our tai has no idea? Either way, these are all too tenuous connections for me to want to fully base a character decision off of, but stuff I’m thinking about nonetheless

‘you still think he’s guilty, right?’ because if tai doesn’t think he’s guilty, what did van betray herself for? Even when it’s just van, tai cannot admit that she backed the wrong horse here, it’s far too late for that, and in her own way, she’s also trying to protect van, who did this incredibly fucked up thing for her. Van needs a little of that reassurance here and tai gives it to her, despite facing her own shit at the moment, because it’s still intense and unnerving that van would do this much for her

icb van is so charming that she can have a full ass monologue comparing tai to steve fucking urkel and tai didn’t immediately throttle her. But also the fact that she brought up this comparison, tai is rightfully like “wtf are you talking about” and van’s like “shut up, don’t pretend you’re too cool for family matters, you know what I’m talking about” and now I have pre-crash thoughts of tai introducing van to family matters and the cosby show and living single and other 90s black pop culture stuff

‘it can’t hurt to at least try and summon her’ FAMOUS LAST WORDS VAN PALMER but ultimately, this is driven by the fact that van can see that tai is understandably struggling with this. Regardless of how much she’s picked up on what tai isn’t telling her, she’s still having a hard time in this moment and van wants to help find a solution. She’s not willing to take the gun herself and step in for tai (a solution that I think is moot to really explore bc I don’t think tai would ever allow herself to let van do that for her, and also van is squeamish as hell so I don’t think she could actually fully do it) because that would disrupt the balance of the cards. The cards make sense and preserve peace because again, it gives the equalizing factor and the illusion of fairness. Jury’s out if that actually disappears as things devolve because at a certain point, they probably stop caring about fairness too. But for now, if van steps in after tai pulled the card, it introduces a new chaos to the dynamic and that’s something van’s not quite willing to do, so instead she brings up other tai as the next best option

melissa get up!!!!! But also I get it sdkasdljf. It’s just kinda like when you see a baby deer wobbling around and walking directly into the path of a preadator, like I don’t see a single way this doesn’t end badly, and I still think we haven’t seen even remotely the worst of shauna yet. melissa is not entirely innocent like the baby deer analogy suggests, but... i'm not entirely sure she (or shauna really) understands what those "bad parts of herself" can amount to

something that shauna both likes and finds aggravating about melissa is the way that melissa just kinda rolls over when she is mean to her sometimes. She snaps and melissa respects that to back off. It aggravates shauna because it reminds her of how she was with jackie and would just roll over if she said something insensitive, but she appreciates it because shauna also isn’t used to people respecting her boundaries. Jackie and her didn’t have boundaries at all, the others have co-opted her tragedy for their own uses, but melissa is actually proving that she is willing to listen and respect that, but not without making her own displeasure clear too. She leaves the gift for shauna, but moves to do as she asks and leave her alone until shauna stops her. It’s a thoughtful gift, and one that’s entirely hers. The last time shauna received gifts was for the baby shower, which was more for the baby than her. This is something that is entirely her own, etched with her initial so people know that she doesn’t have to share it with anyone else. It surprises shauna how observant melissa is, partially because she didn’t think anyone who is that observant, would choose to observe her, to the point that she makes her something both functional and unique to her, just because she noticed that shauna needed one

then of course, as soon as she’s given the opportunity, melissa proves to shauna that she’s both like and unlike her in a lot of ways. Shauna didn’t have the balls to be honest with jackie until she couldn’t keep it hidden anymore. Melissa has no such issues calling it out like she sees it. To me, it’s less about whether she’s right or wrong about jackie and jeff and shauna, but it’s more the fact that she’s showing she’s been paying attention to shauna longer than these past few weeks AND she’s not fully afraid to be a little brat about it because c’mon shauna, you’re smarter than this. She points out exactly what shauna had been grappling with silently, these feelings inside herself that may not be palatable to others, but are still valid nonetheless. And then once again, when the conversation is clearly over, melissa leaves without fuss, perfectly fine with giving the space that shauna requested earlier

misty and ben ;-; I do think this entire ordeal ends up being as formative for misty as crystal’s death is, and it’s such a gutting portrayal of real defense attorneys and their clients. I’ve met many who are aware of the injustices of the system they are a part of, who fight tooth and nail to save the person in front of them, even against every odd stacked against them. It’s exactly what misty did here and she did everything right but still failed against a system rigged to against her client. Her sorrow and guilt is palpable here. She saved his life once just to fail to save him again, even though it’s not her fault in the slightest. She gave him his best shot, and I KNOW that misty is weird and offputting but like, she is NOT a sociopath, please stop saying that. She feels so fucking deeply

I hope they bring ben into the adult timeline somehow, because this feels too significant to fully brush away once it’s been resolved in the teen timeline. It marks the full descent into murder, when they can no longer really look away from what they’ve become. I don’t need a monologue on it, but even a tiny reminder in misty’s house of him would be nice to see if and when ben bites it

lottie, akilah and travis besties (okay well not really lottie, but the spirit is kinda there). I really really like this trio, I like we are getting more of it, and I like that akilah is still granted agency to do this (even if it is in all but name only). It worries me because the foreshadowing is there for this to end poorly, especially when lottie is involved, but it’s also lottie. She’s charismatic and warm, even if there’s something unsettling. Travis being on her side so much this season is actually an extremely effective duo because lottie still holds that weight and power of being the prophet, even if she’s not the leader, but travis is more of a voice of reason. Even if he has given in to the concept of the wilderness, he’s set apart from the rest of the group, a quality that makes him both safe and dangerous in different respects. For akilah in this moment, it spells safety because she’s trusting him to temper lottie’s woo-woo

I get the decision to include mr. matthews and it certainly helps with the exposition and I can have a field day with lottie growing up with him and his utter inability to hide his annoyance and frustration when things don’t go his way, but at the same time, I also just kinda wish we had gotten to see, idk, lottie? With her dad? Or lottie in the penthouse where she grew up, that was probably not the environment that the other girls had seen her in, even pre-crash? Sigh I promise I’ll try to be over it soon, it just feels backwards

a little bit obsessed with lottie’s coat mirroring the one she had out in the wilderness, and the antler coat hanger??? This feels more like a producition nod than anything and another example of their pre-crash and wilderness lives merging, but it was such a nice effect. Also a very cheeky way to get nat’s jacket off before shauna shows up

the fact that malcolm matthews knew that lottie was running a cult and didn’t have something to say or try to stop that is… a little disbelieving to me, but it also depends how long he’s been sick too. But at least he’s aware enough to know that it was a cult? But also not sure what to make of this whole “artie down at the station” needs to make sure everyone thinks it’s an accident comment either. Not interested in trying to unravel the mystery ahead of the narrative, but I feel like it’s a reasonable conclusion to say that her death wasn’t an accident

I stand by the fact that van’s personality on anyone else would be extremely irritating to tai, but there is something specifically about van that is so nerdy and charming that she can say ‘bow chicka wow wow’ and imply sex is a way to get her disassociative state to come out to get them out of this pickle they’re in, that tai… is like ‘yes I will let her hit it’. It literally would not work if someone else tried, but it’s van and that just makes taissa more of a simp for her

people who thought van only ever bottomed until explicitly shown that she doesn’t and thinks that the ep means she’s now a top… first of all, top and bottom are not interchangeable with dom and sub; second of all, service topping is a thing and a huge factor of what she was doing in this context imo, and lastly, you’re boring and have no imagination!!!

lots of thoughts about sex being one of the triggers to pull other tai out (and not all of them are nasty tyvm). It’s about that moment of giving into base physical instincts, where her body quite literally does not let her brain think for a few seconds, where she can’t map ahead every five steps like she is otherwise doing. That break in the line being something that lets other tai slip through is so fitting for tai, and ESPECIALLY fitting considering van was not letting her have the control she normally craves when they are together. I think most of the time van is content to let tai have that control, she certainly doesn’t mind being bossed around by taissa, but she also knows when she needs to take that control so tai can let go. This is absolutely one of those moments, and she’s trying to be what she thinks tai needs. Of course, taissa is not going to turn this moment down, and what can it hurt? At worst, she’s a little more relaxed after a nice orgasm, at best it actually works and she can get this shitty thing over with

travis latching onto yet another innocent soul, like this won’t have any more repercussions on him beyond what he’s already dealing with :/ he’s the one who set lottie on akilah and so he follows after them to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand. He can’t stand up to lottie, but he tells himself that if he’s there, maybe he can still do something unlike when he wasn’t there when javi died. He goes to reassure her, tells her that he’ll be right there the second anything happens, and there’s something about the older sibling of it all that I feel like akilah responds to

travis’ expression when she tells him that he’s the only person she can trust kills me. He’s so stunned, like he has no idea why someone like akilah would trust him, like he hasn’t been one of the calmest presences in the camp. And it’s a fucking double-edged sword because he’s technically leading her into danger because he wanted to get lottie’s fixation off of him. But then akilah says that and it’s like a dagger to the heart because how the fuck does he even respond to that??

once again celebrating the return of the queen and wish I could venmo her to get sammy and herself a little treat bc they deserve it after this. The greeting says so much. Not a hi, or a hello, not even a ‘moni’. Just “simone” like she is some stranger. Tbf, I think other tai’s personality is largely at the forefront in this moment and to her, simone is a stranger in many ways, who has made is abundantly clear that she is not okay with other tai’s extracurricular activities. If we’re saying that other tai operates as a dissociative state meant to help our tai cope with stress and trauma, then it’s hard to say how much of other tai is aware of simone. To me, it’s like watching a movie of her own life, she knows the characters and the roles that people play, she has the memories of what taissa has built, but she doesn’t necessarily have those same emotional connections that our tai has with simone. It’s a little easier with sammy because there’s no surrogate child competing for those emotions, but I said it in my other post, I don’t really think other tai gives a shit about simone, and now has no reason to pretend to

she doesn’t even mention van hanging back awkwardly, she just goes for what she wants, which is sammy. And again we have this merging, where our tai shines through a little bit more but sammy of course sees right through it, as he has been for months. “I’ll always be your mommy, no matter what.” Taissa knows what he’s asking and she’s telling him the truth as best as she can manage, but at the same time, that truth scares sammy. I do think this moment is an important part in finally realizing that she needs to let him go. Taissa is open with him, shows him that this is who she is, the ‘bad one’ and his normal mommy are one and the same. It aligns with the way that as we grow up, we realize our parents are flawed human being just as much as the next person, but this is happening in the most literal sense. And sammy rejects that. Taissa doesn’t chase after him or beg or try to bribe or guilt him, she just watches him go and to me, that’s tai’s love coming through in the way she knows how

I know a lot of people are roasting tai and van for showing up to this thing together (which I agree is very silly from an external perspective), but that’s just the codependency and also van wanting to keep an eye on taissa, whom she knows is having some pretty dangerous thoughts. I think that van is very much aware that other tai is becoming a stronger presence, and she’s not exactly sure how she plans to stop it if something happens (which she doesn’t really think it will), but if she absolutely has to, she can at least body block or something. I doubt this is a conversation that they’ve had, more just of that wordless communication of letting the other make their own assumptions. But van is not dumb, she’s absolutely aware of what this looks like and she’s willing to take that to protect tai in case she needs it

simone has every right to hate van and van knows that. She has no idea how to talk to this woman who she used to be so wildly fucking jealous of. She’s never met simone before, but she knows about her, knows that she had those years with taissa that van thought she would get. But at the same time, the tables have turned, she’s ended up getting tai back, and she’s still not sure how to explain it. and in doing so, while she had no part in it, simone and sammy's lives have been ruined while she comes out winning so while van wants to explain herself, wants SO badly to crack a dumb joke she knows this is definitely not the time. ‘So you’re her,’ which could be taken in so many different and valid ways, but it cuts right deeply to it. Simone doesn’t need to know her name to know exactly who she is, just like van doesn’t need to know that this devastatingly beautiful woman is taissa’s ex-wife. And while she understands that simone’s reaction and hurt is justified, it doesn’t lessen the sting of someone looking at her and making it clear that she isn’t impressed. In this moment, van sees perfectly clearly what taissa has lost, and she can’t help but ask herself how the hell she is supposed to measure up?

tai being an asshole and faking other tai coming out is so perfect for them. For a split second, van believes because, well, she really wants to, but also because it would be a perfect movie moment, but the moment passes and reality sets in, and I love this little soft moment of both of them kind of sitting with this understanding that what they tried didn’t work, and now they have to go through with it. No more outs, no more excuses

so fascinating to me that even though van has distanced herself from lottie and her direct teachings and whatever it is she’s doing with travis and akilah, she still invokes the things that she had picked up from the prayer circle, she still tries to use the techniques that lottie taught them. As much of a hard reset as she might want, there’s never a full break from it because the wilderness has become such an integral part of their lives. Also interesting to me that we had established in s1 that van does not do well with blood and gore, yet she watched this entire sequence without flinching. A part of it is looking at it comparatively to other things that they’ve done, but she’s asking tai to stay present so she is going to to the same. It’s not fair of her to look away when tai can’t, and the back half of s2 established that van doesn’t have as Much of that squeamishness anymore (though I still think she’d struggle with killing a living creature)

travis going against lottie for the first time this season and doing it for akilah. Even if he ultimately doesn’t have a chance to follow through, he wants to protect her and do right by her. He has such a big heart and he tries not to show it but it leaks through at every opportunity. But it’s also not that lottie doesn’t care about akilah either. She’s going about it in a way that is hard for anyone but her to understand, but truly believes she’s doing the right thing. that's also part of what makes her so dangerous, but it’s also not like she’s apathetic to the idea of akilah getting hurt. The nuance is what makes it interesting and fun to dissect

‘we’re having fun, aren’t we?’ and woof if that isn’t the clearest indication that no one would be able to understand these women other than each other? Walter is quite literally a personality clone of misty, yet he doesn’t understand how this isn’t a game to her, this is her friend. To talk about it like it’s some fun date activity honestly gave me some chills and maybe it’s because I care more about the yellowjackets than I ever will about walter, but I REALLY hope they are setting things up to kill him soon lmao

the hints of the yellowjackets that are still in lottie’s room actually haunts me a little. I know this is supposed to be her childhood bedroom but the fact that pictures of the team are there and on display, they haven’t been cleared away or shoved to the back of the closet. Even if she’s been out of the psych ward for weeks and spent time at the penthouse before she went to shauna’s, she still went to bed every night with those pictures on her nightstand and she never really got to reconnect with any of them before she died

shauna remembering moments of lottie in her bedroom, my heart hurts, because it’s actually the perfect way that shauna would mourn her? Especially after the way things ended with them, shauna doesn’t know how to face that guilt with anyone else, but like with jackie, she imagines lottie, in the moments when things weren’t so bad. That’s always been shauna’s way of coping with those kinds of memories. It’s never to their face when they’re alive, it’s only when they’re gone

still disagree with the attempt to try and humanize mr. matthews like I know part of it is definitely my irritation with all this development coming from a white man instead of lottie herself. Hell, I feel like a lot of this could have landed by using her mom instead of her dad. It might land better for me if we get flashback scenes with lottie and her dad, but lottie’s absence in the plot is glaring and kind of in a bad way at the moment. Will see how things progress in the back half, which is always a roller coaster. That said, I did love all of the parallels of this scene. Not just shauna and lottie but also shauna and callie. The difficulties of loving a child when you don’t understand them, when you yourself are messed up. The difficulties of expressing affection and love for the people who are important to us because we fear the judgment or that they’ll leave us or any number of things that seem like the biggest deal in the world BECAUSE we love them

once again, tai refusing to process what’s just happened. She sits with sammy’s jacket in his bedroom, replaying what happened in the park, but the second that van interrupts, there’s a very brief flicker and she kind of shuts down. Even when van tries to get her to talk about it, tai changes the subject about getting out of the house. I do think some kind of fallout is waiting to happen, and that might be the ‘shocking’ thing that tawny keeps teasing about later on in the season. Van is an enabler, especially when it comes to taissa and that much hasn’t changed even in the decades they spent apart. I also think other tai is acutely aware of this and uses it to her advantage, knowing that van isn’t going to push back right now when she thinks tai is in this vulnerable position

it’s not that weird to me that van is willing to step into a sort of ‘homewrecker’ role with taissa despite coming from her own unstable childhood. I think a lot of it can be explained by van is also selfish in her own way about things, this is something she thought she would never have again, and she’s never known how to tell tai no to things that she probably should. But combined with that, I’m pretty sure van can understand that it’s probably better for sammy in the long run for tai not to be heavily involved in his life. Further, it’s not like she’s abandoning him to strangers or without trying to see him, or not offering to help with money. She’s not abusing him or an alcoholic or screaming vitriol at him like she was used to. Ultimately these are excuses that she tells herself to explain that it’s not necessarily as bad as it looks, but she tries

still feeling so many feelings about how lottie has stepped into the role laura lee had for her, while akilah is stepping into the role of the prophet. She’s acting as the guide for this religion that she’s the expert on, but she doesn’t have that direct connection anymore. The vision itself feels hopeful and for that reason, I think it’s ominous. It feels like yet another thing that lottie will misinterpret in an attempt to do good, and maybe create a self-fulfilling prophecy in a way?

jv being the grunts to the varsity team’s decisions - it’s a good power dynamic and curious if it ever comes into play. Gen (once again occupying my brainspace) has this interesting role of being in both as the hunter. Melissa has a similar role with her proximity to shauna. Yet it doesn’t allow either of them to fully escape being towards the bottom of the totem pole, but also explains their motivations to climb up

van being the one to tell gen to put the hood back over ben’s head. Back to her role of making the ugly palatable again. If they go through with this, maybe it’ll spare them (tai and nat especially) a tiny bit of the horror of seeing his head blown off

‘you don’t deserve that.’ He doesn’t deserve the dignity of having them look him in the eyes as they execute him after a rigged trial? Or he doesn’t deserve the last thing he sees to be the girls he loved and cared for, murder him? It’s easy to play it off as the former, particularly for melissa and shauna who are watching, if she doesn’t want to end up next because she’s still not fully part of the core group so she doesn’t have that safety, but I also feel like this was gen trying to give what little comfort to him that she could, beyond doing what she needed for herself and the team

the physical change when other tai comes out, the way van clocks it immediately because she’s watching tai and not ben. It’s not that she doesn’t care about the outcome, she tries not to because that would cause a spiral, but right now, it’s not about her or even ben, it about tai. So she sees when other tai takes over, there’s a sick sense of relief to it because then our tai doesn’t have to go through it, but then there’s also another sick feeling of knowing this means it’s actually going to happen

shauna’s face when lottie says that they can’t kill ben, not yet, she’s so annoyed and disappointed. By the end of the trial, lottie is on her side and that’s what tips the scales in her favor. She thinks she’s finally going to get what she wants and thinks is going to make her feel better. Then at the very last second, lottie changes it up, says actually no, they can’t kill ben yet, and shauna has to recalculate everything, find another way to get out those emotions before she implodes

something horrendously delicious about the knife that ben handed shauna when he taught her how to bleed out a deer in s1, being the same knife to cripple him (again)

shauna dragging melissa down this darkness with her juxtaposed with the way that jackie continually dragged shauna into the sun. Taking every lesson she learned with jackie and applying it in the worst way imaginable. The toxicity is the point, because shauna doesn’t know how to let anyone love her, she still doesn’t know how by the adult timeline, but it’s not for lack of trying. She asks melissa why she likes her, but she also tells her to be the one to cut ben. It’s a push and pull where one side is far more giving than the other, but it’s also not like melissa hates it. Shauna sees that darkness, and rather than trying to stifle it in the way (she tells herself) jackie tried to do her, she decides she’s going to nurture it in melissa

the lingering shot on travis listening to ben’s screams, the final overhead shot where they’re all dispersing and trying to fucking ignore what just happened, van looking around and watching the others before locking eyes with natalie as they both turn away, akilah remaining seated because what if she just condemned this man to a worse fate than death? Fuck I do love this show

overall, still being patient with how things roll out. We’ve only hit halfway through the season so there’s still plenty to go. Still waiting for the adult timeline to get it together more because it feels like a waste not to explore more of these dynamics with each other as adults, especially when that's what 80% of your marketing is about

much to chew on. the only thing i can definitively say atm is that the episode could have used 90% less white men

#yj spoilers //#[ yj recap. ]#i promise i will try to get to real writing soon

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