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transparenttriumphzombie · 3 years

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Jordana LeSesne, formerly known as 1.8.7, is an American musician and producer from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.[1] She now produces and performs as Jordana. She became known in the mid-1990s as a drum and bass producer.[2] Vibe magazine called her "one of the most respected Drum ‘n' Bass producers in the US."[3] In 2015, she was named as one of "20 women who shaped the history of dance music" by Mixmag.[4] She is transgender and came out in 1998.[5][2]

She has released over 50 tracks, including four albums, several EPs, and remixes under the alias 1.8.7. The 1997 album When Worlds Collide became known for its "dark pummeling assaults". She has licensed tracks for compilations as well as the Sci Fi Channel. Three of her albums charted in the Top 25 of both the CMJ (College Music Journal) and Mixmag U.S. (later Mixer Magazine, now defunct) for 1997 as well as 1998[6] and 1999. Her third album "The Cities Collection" debuted in the CMJ Top 5 climbed to the #2 position on CMJ Music Monthly's dance chart for June 2000.[7][8][9]

Her works have been reviewed by Billboard,[10] Spin, Rolling Stone, Urb, Mixer, Mixmag, Raygun,[3] as well as Knowledge – the U.K. Drum and Bass magazine. In 1999, she was listed in Raygun's Who's Who of International DJs. She was one of the headlining DJs on Knowledge Magazine's 28 city Kung Fu Knowledge tour in 1999.[11] She also made Out Magazine's OUT100 list for the year 2000.[12]

Contents

1Impact on music

2History

3Hate crime in Ohio

4Additional work in music industry

5Literary mentions

6Personal life

7Vinyl

8CD releases

9Videos

10References

11External links

Impact on music[edit]

Her work has influenced other artists such as well-known dubstep producer Bassnectar, who heavily sampled 5 A.M. Rinse (feat. MC Sphinx), the last song on her first album When Worlds Collide for his song Here We Go of his 2010 EP and single Timestretch.[13] Since the sexual allegations of Bassnectar have become known to her, Jordana has publicly condemned his actions as well as called out the fact that he never delivered contractually promised royalties for the above mentioned work.[14] Additionally, electronic rock act Celldweller sampled "Wake Up" off of her first album as well as "San Francisco" off of her third album "The Cities Collection" in their 2013 song "Uncrowned".[15]

In 1999, Drum & Bass/Hip Hop producer and label owner Hive approached Jordana to remix her song Defcon-1 also off of When Worlds Collide. Hive's remix appears on his 2001 album The Raw Uncut.[16] Jordana collaborated with Lady Sovereign on a song early in Sov's career after the two met through an internet chat room for StrikeFM.co.uk, an online radio station which Jordana had a show, and the now defunct UKGarageWorldwide.com forums. The two would later team up when Jordana under her Lady J alias, had Lady Sovereign MC for her radio show on Flex FM London.[17]

History[edit]

She first came to the attention of the music industry when she was asked to remix Blondie's "Atomic." Her remix appeared along with Armand Van Helden and Diddy’s remixes on the single.[3] A little over a year following that release, Mac McFarlane, the promoter of the well established and legendary New York City club, Konkrete Jungle, contacted her to create a themed song for a CD compilation/mix-CD. Jordana created the song "Konkrete Jungle" for that purpose. Described by CMJ as containing "menacing hardstep attacks",[18] it was released on the Ultra Records compilation, Konkrete Jungle - Maximum Drum & Bass, mixed by BBC Radio 1 Drum'n'Bass show host Jumpin Jack Frost. Following extensive touring throughout North America and abroad as a music producer, Liquid Sky Music, an indie label distributed by Caroline Distribution signed her to a three-album contract in late 1996.

Hate crime in Ohio[edit]

On the night of February 22, 2000 in Kent, Ohio, Jordana was attacked and brutally beaten in a transphobic hate crime by a group of men including Matthew Gostlin.[19] Gostlin and other assailants vaulted her in the parking lot outside of the Robin Hood nightclub where she had just performed on the Cities Collection tour. The attack took place while she was escorted from the event with the event promoter to his car. The group of men attacked suddenly and Jordana lost consciousness almost immediately after being struck in the face. She suffered nerve damage to the lower part of her face from her lower lip down as a result. She was quoted, saying in the May 2000 issue of CMJ New Music Monthly that in the seconds just prior to the attack: "I saw his face. I remember the look on his face. It was this look of utter hate, like 'I'm going to kill you.'"[20] In an interview with the Village Voice, George Meesig, a man from Cleveland, Ohio who defended her during the attack, stated that Gostlin had misgendered her, saying “this is personal”.[21] Other reports noted by the Village Voice on the message board for Breakbeat Science (a Drum'n'Bass record store) mentioned transphobic slurs being shouted during the attack. She subsequently cancelled the tour to recover.[19] Gostlin, while charged, was never arrested nor spent any time in court. Her family was told by the Portage County (Ohio) prosecutor's office that attempts had been made to serve the warrant but Gostlin's whereabouts were unknown. She felt that justice would not be served so she left the United States for England due to concerns about personal safety and well-being.

Additional work in music industry[edit]

In addition to music production, Jordana is a DJ, musician and singer. From 2001 to 2002, she worked at Flex FM in London, England as Lady J, with Lady Sovereign performing for her during her radio show.[22] In 2002, she held a club residency performing UK garage, 2-step garage and house music at the club Trinity in Vauxhall neighborhood.

After returning to the United States, Jordana returned to rock and fronted a goth metal band in Seattle. Prior to that, she was asked to play bass in another band briefly where she met and became close friends with singer/songwriter Shelita Burke. She has toured the world and played many DJ sets. She has been billed alongside Arca for Planet Zolean: Un/Tuck + Hot Mass on the Currents.FM Common Multiverse Initiative.[23] She was featured on the Dekmantel Podcast.[24] She was featured as Mix of the Day for Resident Advisor.[25]

In 2014, Jordana scored the documentary Free CeCe, produced and directed by Jacqueline Gares and Laverne Cox. The documentary details the struggles of CeCe McDonald, an African-American transwoman wrongfully incarcerated for murder for defending herself against a hate attack on her outside a Minneapolis bar.[26][27]

Literary mentions[edit]

She has been featured in several books. Her success in rising from living in a "rust belt" city to being an MTV-featured electronic music artist was mentioned in "The Rise of the Creative Class" by economist Richard Florida. She appears in two books detailing American electronic dance music scene history: Michaelangelo Matos's The Underground is Massive,[28] and Rave Culture, an Insider's Overview by Jimi Fritz and Virginia Smallfry.[29]

An interview with Jordana was featured in multiple books, including a book published in 2012 by rock journalist George Petros.[30] She has spoken on her personal life in interviews for publications such as The Festival Voice,[31] The Brooklyn Rail[32] and href zine.[33]

Personal life[edit]

She currently lives in Seattle, Washington.

Vinyl[edit]

1995 Blondie "Atomic (The Beautiful Drum and Bass Mix)" VV58320 Chrysalis Records/EMI

1996 RockStone Foundation "Dis Soun'" JS007 Jungle Sky

1997 V/A – Nirvana EP "We Are Not Alone" JS114 Jungle Sky

1997 Soul Slinger-Don't Believe "Abducted (1.8.7 Remix) JS118 Jungle Sky

1997 Soul Slinger-Don't Believe "Ethiopia/JungleSky (1.8.7 Megamix)" JS118 Jungle Sky

1997 1.8.7 – When Worlds Collide full-length album EP1 "Defcon 1"/"When Worlds Collide"/"Blueshift"/"Dragonfly" JSK121 Jungle Sky

1997 1.8.7 – When Worlds Collide full-length album EP2 "Wake Up"/"Distant Storm Approaching"/"Ghetto Style"/"Ghetto Style (West Philly Mix)" JSK122 Jungle Sky

1998 Murder 0ne (1.8.7)/T.Farmer "Annihilate"/"Memory" BOOST002 Boosted Records

1998 This is Jungle Sky Vol. 5: Rock N Roll EP Disc 2 "Break In"/"The Return of Shaft"/"Konkrete Jungle" Jungle Sky JSK131

1998 This is Jungle Sky Vol. 5: Rock N Roll EP Disc 3 "Atmosphere Remix"/"The Jam"/Beastie Boys – "Sabotage (1.8.7 JS Remix)" JSK132 Jungle Sky

1998 1.8.7 – Quality Rolls full-length album EP1 "Quality Rolls"/"Relax Your Mind"/"Phobic" JSK136 Jungle Sky

1998 1.8.7 – Quality Rolls full-length album EP2 *"Jerusalem"/"Get Amped" (215 Remix)/"Stigma" JSK 137 Jungle Sky

1998 1.8.7 – Quality Rolls full-length album EP3 "Rock The Party"/"Deep Stealth"/"Cross the Line" JSK138 Jungle Sky

1998 1.8.7 – Quality Rolls full-length album EP3 "United"/"Blue Nile"/"Reboot" JSK139 Jungle Sky

1999 Jordana – "Pure Funk"/Stardust – "Music Sounds Better".. [With Bass] (Jordana JS remix) *whitelabel* JSK149 Jungle Sky

1999 Jordana – Cities Collection 12" 1 "Hollywood (courtesy of Lucasfilm)"/"Los Angeles"/"New York" JSK157 Jungle Sky

1999 Jordana – Cities Collection 12" 2 "Pittsburgh"/"Miami"/"San Francisco" JSK158 Jungle Sky

2000 Loki and Jordana – "Murder" 12" *whitelabel*

2001 Jordana – "Tampa Tantrum"/"In Your Arms" 12" TECO008 Technorganic

2002 Lady J feat. Lady Sovereign – "The Intro Dub" (Flex FM)

2002 Jordana – Full Colour 12" 1 *whitelabel* ConceptAudio

2002 Jordana – Full Colour 12" 2 *whitelabel* ConceptAudio

CD releases[edit]

1994 V/A – Interstellar Outback "Jungleman" ROM01 RomHyperMedia

1995 V/A – Scotto Presents: Drop Beats Vol.1 "Ravestock Anthem" DROP001 Drop Entertainment

1996 V/A – This Is Jungle Sky Vol.2 "Dis Soun" JSK008 Jungle Sky

1997 V/A – This is Jungle Sky Vol.4 "We Are Not Alone" JSK116 Jungle Sky

1997 V/A – Future Groove "We Are Not Alone" ?74321 50089 2 Ariola/BMG

1997 V/A – New York Junglist "We Are Not Alone" AVCD11540 Avex Trax

1997 Soul Slinger-Don't Believe CD "Abducted (187 Remix)" JSK120 Jungle Sky

1997 Soul Slinger-Don't Believe CD "Ethiopia/JungleSky" JSK120 Jungle Sky

1997 1.8.7 – When Worlds Collide CD album JSK124 Jungle Sky

1998 V/A – This is Jungle Sky Vol.5 "The Jam" JSK130 Jungle Sky

1998 V/A – This is Jungle Sky Vol.5 "Atmosphere Remix" JSK130 Jungle Sky

1998 Soul Slinger – Upload: A Continuous Mix CD "Rock the Party" JSK142 Jungle Sky

1998 V/A – Nu Balance: Domesticated Drum & Bass CD "5am Rinse" COA70016-2 City Of Angels

1998 1.8.7 – Quality Rolls CD album JSK135 Jungle Sky

1999 V/A – Sci Fidelity: This is Sci Fi. CD "Deep Stealth" SciFi Channel/Jungle Sky

1999 V/A – This is Jungle Sky Vol.6 CD "Pure Funk" JSK150 Jungle Sky

1999 V/A – This is Jungle Sky Vol.6 CD "Unite Remix" JSK150 Jungle Sky

1999 Jordana presents 1.8.7 – The Cities Collection CD album JSK162 Jungle Sky

1999 V/A – E-Sassin Absolute Friction CD "Worlds Apart" 21C.3007 Quantum Loop

2000 V/A – Digital Empire: DJ Girl "Deep Stealth" 6454-2 Cold Front Records

2001 Hive – The Raw Uncut EP CD "Defcon-1" (Hive Remix) VTXCD-002 Vortex Recordings

2002 Jordana – Full Colour album ConceptAudio Limited Release

2003 V/A – Girls In Space CD "In Your Arms" CD-9213 Urabon Records

2005 Jordana – Jordana EP CD "In Your Arms" TECO CD001 Technorganic Recordings

2005 Jordana – Jordana EP CD "Tampa Tantrum" TECO CD001 Technorganic Recordings

2005 V/A – DJ Psycle-Back From The Future CD "In Your Arms" TECO CD-9213 Technorganic Recordings

2008 V/A – What the Bleep & Foi Oi Oi-Feelings For Detroit Vol.3 Yabette – "Babylon (1.8.7 Remix)" EEMIX003 Electronic Enlightenment

Videos[edit]

We Are Not Alone (1998) – directed by MSKW1 aka Michael Whartnaby

Defcon 1 (1998) – directed by MSKW1 aka Michael Whartnaby and DBIDWA aka Dan Bidwa

Worlds Apart (1998) – directed by Gerard Ryan

Atmosphere (1998) – directed by Gerard Ryan

Ring Me Back (2002) – directed by Trevor McKinley

References[edit]

^ "VH1 Biography". Vh1.com. Archived from the original on February 14, 2011. Retrieved September 8, 2010.

^ Jump up to:a b Riedel, Samantha. "This Trans Drum & Bass Musician Was a Pioneer in the 90s. Why Isn't She Getting Her Due?". them. Retrieved September 30, 2020.

^ Jump up to:a b c Vibe Media Group (February 1999). "Vibe". Vibe Vixen. Vibe Media Group: 38–. ISSN 1070-4701.

^ "- - Mixmag". Mixmag.net. Retrieved December 21, 2015.

^ "Roll With the Changes". citypaper.net. Archived from the original on July 7, 2012. Retrieved January 19, 2016.

^ CMJ Network, Inc. (December 1998). "CMJ New Music Monthly". CMJ New Music. CMJ Network, Inc.: 78–. ISSN 1074-6978.

^ CMJ Network, Inc. (March 2000). "CMJ New Music Monthly". CMJ New Music. CMJ Network, Inc.: 48–. ISSN 1074-6978.

^ CMJ Network, Inc. (March 13, 2000). CMJ New Music Report. CMJ Network, Inc. pp. 27–. ISSN 0890-0795.

^ CMJ Network, Inc. (June 2000). "CMJ New Music Monthly". CMJ New Music. CMJ Network, Inc.: 82–. ISSN 1074-6978.

^ CMJ Network, Inc. (June 2000). "CMJ New Music Monthly". CMJ New Music. CMJ Network, Inc.: 95. ISSN 1074-6978.

^ "Kung Fu Knowledge Tour Cities". Bmotion. Archived from the original on October 4, 2013. Retrieved October 3, 2013.

^ Out Magazine (74): 45. January 2000.

^ iphoneunclockseattle. "Bassnectar's Here We Go sample of 1.8.7 feat. MC Sphinx's 5 A.M. Rinse". WhoSampled. Retrieved November 2, 2013.

^ Avery C Kleinman for Vice News. "The Fall of the Bassnectar Empire".

^ jordana. "Celldweller samples Wake Up and San Francisco". WhoSampled. Retrieved May 9, 2014.

^ "Hive – The Raw Uncut EP". Discogs. Retrieved November 2, 2013.

^ "Hot update | Welcome to the FLEX FM NETWORK". FLEX FM Network. May 19, 2002. Archived from the original on June 1, 2002. Retrieved December 21, 2015.

^ CMJ Network, Inc. (October 1998). "CMJ New Music Monthly". CMJ New Music. CMJ Network, Inc.: 62–. ISSN 1074-6978.

^ Jump up to:a b Maximum Rocknroll. Maximum Rock 'n' Roll. 2000.

^ CMJ Network, Inc. (May 2000). "CMJ New Music Monthly". CMJ New Music. CMJ Network, Inc.: 13. ISSN 1074-6978.

^ Bill Werde (February 29, 2000). "Top Jungle Producer Attacked". Villagevoice.com. Archived from the original on January 9, 2019. Retrieved January 8, 2019.

^ Sovereign, Lady (May 18, 2002). "Lock in to FLex FM 2nite". ukmusic.com/. Archived from the original on August 10, 2014. Retrieved May 30, 2013.

^ "Currents.FM Common Stream Multiverse Initiative".

^ "Jordana is one of America's most widely respected drum & bass artists". Dekmantel.

^ "Drum & bass made for the biggest rooms, with plenty of soul, nuance and killer vocal hooks". Resident Advisor.

^ "FREE CeCe! Post-Production Campaign". Retrieved December 21, 2015.

^ "AFROPUNK". Afropunk.com. Archived from the original on December 22, 2015. Retrieved December 21, 2015.

^ Matos, Michaelangelo (April 28, 2015). The Underground Is Massive: How Electronic Dance Music Conquered America. Dey Street Books. p. 154. ISBN 978-0062271785.

^ Jimi Fritz (1999). Rave Culture: An Insider's Overview. SmallFry Press. p. 162. ISBN 978-0-9685721-0-8.

^ Petros, George (2012). Lehman, Deanna (ed.). The New Transsexuals: The Next Step In Human Evolution. Creation Books. pp. 247–274. ISBN 978-0-9855018-1-5. Retrieved December 22, 2015.

^ https://thefestivalvoice.com/black-lives-matter-tfvs-series-on-racial-injustice-jordana/

^ https://brooklynrail.org/2021/05/criticspage/Let-Us-Live/

^ https://href-zine.net/technoid-natures-zine.html

External links[edit]

Jordana discography at Discogs

1.8.7 at Rolldabeats

https://jordanaofficial.bandcamp.com/

https://www.mixcloud.com/jordana/

https://soundcloud.com/jordanaofficial

Jordana at IMDb

#trans history #transgender woman #transgender #trans pride #black transgender woman #postop transwomen #transisbeautiful #trans is not a choice #trans musician #transwomenmatter #transwoman

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thecollegefootballguy · 3 years

Text

2021 SEC Coaching Power Rankings

Time to wrap up a tour of the P5 conferences with a look at the SEC. How do the coaches in the top conference in the sport compare with each other?

Check out last year’s rankings here.

The SEC is the most competitive conference in the nation bar none. It’s a cutthroat world where only the strong survive. A whopping 4 head coaches were fired between the 2020 season and now, more than any other Power league. Derek Mason was fired from Vanderbilt after the Commodores collapsed into complete apathy last year. South Carolina fared only slightly better, and sacked Will Muschamp. Jeremy Pruitt was fired at Tennessee for issues on and off the field. Finally, Auburn finally got sick and tired enough of Gus Malzahn that they fired him. I’m not sure how many guys can do better there but we’re about to find out.

13/14. Shane Beamer and Clark Lea

Movement: N/A

Neither Beamer nor Lea has been a head coach before so they start at the very bottom. Both have inherited hard jobs and I don’t imagine either is going to start winning in the next few years. Get ready, these will be long rebuilds, especially Vanderbilt.

12. Sam Pittman

Overall Record: 3-7

Movement: Up 2 spots

Sam Pittman had a lot of Hogs fans feeling better about their program in 2020. Sure, Arkansas didn’t approach a winning season, but it seems as though the program is finally moving forward after several years of apathy. I don’t know Pittman’s ceiling in Fayetteville, but he definitely understands the culture and has the fans on his side.

11. Eliah Drinkwitz

Record at Missouri: 5-5 Overall Record: 17-6

Movement: Up 2 spots

I can’t say I learned much about Eliah Drinkwitz in Year 1. Missouri has been about a .500 team since Gary Pinkel retired and the Tigers went 5-5 last year. If Drinkwitz can institute change in the program it will take more than a year. We’ll have a clearer picture this year with so much else of the East Division in shambles outside of UF and UGA.

10. Josh Heupel

Overall Record: 28-8

Movement: N/A

Heupel is another new face. Does Heupel have the skills to turn things around in Knoxville? I dunno, but he had a worse record at Central Florida each year he was on the job. Time will tell, of course, if Tennessee will give him any. I think the revolving door nature of the job has hurt UT’s ability to build a solid program. If Heupel can win enough to establish a solid floor hopefully he gets the time it’ll take to get the Vols back on track.

9. Mike Leach

Record at Misssissippi State: 4-7 Overall Record: 143-97

Movement: Same

Same old air raid. The win over LSU was fun at least.

8. Mark Stoops

Record at Kentucky: 49-50

Movement: Same

Kentucky played just about as good or bad as usual. The Wildcats are well served by Stoops and usually average about a .500 record in league play. They went 4-6 this year. Stoops’ remarkable consistency at UK shouldn’t be ignored, it’s why they pay him so much to stay there.

7. Lane Kiffin

Record at Ole Miss: 5-5 Overall Record: 66-39

Movement: Same

The Lane Kiffin offense is showing promising signs in Oxford. Ole Miss was one of the few teams able to keep pace with Alabama last year and if they can develop more talent on defense things could start getting very interesting in the SEC West.

6. Bryan Harsin

Overall Record: 76-24

Movement: N/A

Bryan Harsin raised a few eyebrows when he was hired to replace Gus Malzahn. Harsin isn’t exactly an SEC guy, having spent most of his coaching career in Boise. Still, he’s a bone fide winner. If you combine his head coaching stops he’s won 6 division titles and 4 conference titles since starting in 2011. It may take a bit for Harsin to learn how to compete at the SEC level, but I do like the infusion of new blood into the conference.

5. Dan Mullen

Record at Florida: 29-9 Overall Record: 98-55 Division Championships: 1 (2020)

Movement: Up 1 spot

Dan Mullen finally broke through in 2020, beating Georgia and claiming his first Division title. The Gators are *ahem* doggedly improving the same way that their rivals did. UF was maybe a step slower and a bit weaker than the upper crust of SEC teams so far in Mullen’s tenure, if he can break through this ceiling and win a championship he’ll rise in the rankings. Everybody else above him has done so at least once.

4. Kirby Smart

Record at Georgia: 52-14 Division Championships: 3 (2017, 2018, 2019) Conference Championships: 1 (2017)

Movement: Down 1 spot

Georgia took a step back in Kirby Smart’s fifth season. The Bulldogs offense looked a bit sluggish in their most important games, costing the Dawgs their fourth consecutive division title. Smart built this machine, so I assume things will stabilize moving forward, but I know UGA fans get very restless if they don’t see results.

3. Jimbo Fisher

Record at Texas A&M: 26-10 Overall Record: 109-33 National Championships: 1 (2013)*

*with Florida State

Movement: Up 2 spots

Sure LSU and Auburn took a step back (or a few in LSU’s case), but A&M also took a step forward. Jimbo is showing proof of concept in College Station, if they can finally overcome Alabama it’s looking like the Aggies could be a Playoff team at the very least. Time will tell if Fisher can tackle that great beast, but Texas A&M is looking to be in better position that the rest of the division all of the sudden.

2. Ed Orgeron

Record at LSU: 45-14 Overall Record: 61-41 Division Record: 1 (2019) Overall Record: 1 (2019) National Championships: 1 (2019)

Movement: Same

Orgeron’s national championship in 2019 is what’s keeping him up here. Without some of his star coaching talent, it’s looking like the Tigers might not be as strong as we though. Coach O of course built the championship team and brought in those coaches, so I think he can do it again. But Louisiana State might not be as consistent a program as an Alabama or a Georgia for the time being.

1. Nick Saban

Record at Alabama: 170-23 Record Overall: 261-64-1 Division Championships: 10 (2008, 2009, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2020) Conference Championships: 7 (2009, 2012, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2018, 2020) National Championships: 7 (2003*, 2009, 2011, 2012, 2015, 2017, 2020)

*at LSU

Movement: fixed

He’s the best coach in college football history at this point. It’s safe to say he’s passed Bear Bryant now. So he’s gonna stay #1 lol.

#college football #South Carolina Gamecocks #Vanderbilt Commodores #Arkansas Razorbacks #Missouri Tigers #Tennessee Volunteers #Mississippi State Bulldogs #Kentucky Wildcats #Ole Miss Rebels #Auburn Tigers #Florida Gators #Georgia Bulldogs #Texas A&M Aggies #LSU Tigers #Alabama Crimson Tide

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thesoftdumbass · 4 years

Text

you’re a fine girl

Steve Rogers x reader

word count: about 5K

warnings: cursing I think, cheesy, fluffy, not much else

summary: Steve Rogers visited Y/N’s harbor town once, but he made it clear that he couldn’t stay...when he comes back suddenly for a visit, he just might turn her world upside down.

author’s note: So there’s no time setting for this one, so Steve and his sailors could belong in pretty much any era. Is he a pirate? A merchant trader? The captain of a cargo ship? Who knows, I’ll let you decide! This fic is loosely based on the song Brandy by Looking Glass (yes, it’s that one song from GOTG vol. 2) and it gave me a lot of inspiration to write! I hope y’all enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

> masterlist

Y/N makes her way across the room, salt in the air as she inhales the essence of the sea making its way into the bar. She grabs the requested drinks, a round of beers for the market vendors at table three, red wine for her regulars at table seven, and a bottle of whiskey for the sailors in the booth in the corner. She gathers empty glasses and plates, cleaning up after her guests, and making sure to collect any tips. Luckily her customers have been pretty satisfied tonight.

Taking a tray of dirty dishes to the sink to soak, Y/N is surprised to see a familiar figure sitting at the bar, having walked in and sat down while she was preoccupied. Wiping her hands off on a towel, she walks over to the man, already grabbing a glass and pouring two fingers of whiskey neat with a peel. When she sits the prepared drink on the bar in front of him, blue eyes look up to meet hers. The look on his face is unreadable, but Y/N gave up trying to understand this man a while ago.

“Welcome back to port, Captain Rogers.”

Her name is a whisper on his breath and she can’t help the way her heart skips a beat hearing it. Steve’s eyes dip to spot the silver chain she wears around her neck, but he catches himself, clearing his throat and glancing around the bar that they’re in. “It’s good to be back.”

“That’s not the way it felt when you left, Steve.” The slight bitter tang in Y/N’s voice surprises her, but it’s been too long for him to come back and act like nothing happened.

He came in the summertime, when the bar was full of sailors docked in the nearby harbor. Sailors are Y/N’s best customers, leaving tips and making conversation as they pass their time. Steve’s ship, The Howling Commando, was docked in the harbor, undergoing repairs after it took on some damage in a rough storm. That’s how Y/N found herself in the company of the Howlies, the ship’s crew.

It was one of these quieter nights when most of the customers have gone, after laying down drinks all day, Y/N got to listen to the group of sailors talk about their adventures on the seas. Exaggerations about their skill and compliments to the barmaid were thrown in for good measure, but Y/N laughed it off, chalking the good mood up to the alcohol.

“Can I get another brandy there, Y/N?” She hummed in affirmative and grabbed the requested bottle, refilling the man’s drink. He tips his hat, a smile on his face. “Thank you, darlin’. You’d make a fine wife.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, used to these comments, but this time, there was a smile on her lips. “And you’re full of it, Dugan. You’d better pay down your tab before you drink me out of a job!”

“Aw, one-eyed Nick’d never fire you. He’s soft on you, you’re practically like a daughter to that old grump,” Morita exclaimed and Y/N shook her head, not confirming or denying their suspicions.

The crew settled a little before a newcomer arrived, the doors barely shutting behind him before cheers raised up from the group of men sitting by the bar. “Hey Cap! Nice of you to finally join us. Come have a drink,” Bucky offered his chair before grabbing another from a nearby table, sitting down next to who was obviously the captain of their crew.

Y/N hadn’t seen the man before, because if she had, she would remember. The man’s sandy blond hair looked as if it had been mussed by his own hand or someone else’s, and his jawline looked sharp enough to cut, but his eyes. His eyes were what really drew her in.

The soft blue color of his irises radiated power and understanding, making Y/N want to know the man they belonged to. She shook her head mentally, this wasn’t a townsman or a regular, he was a sailor that would be leaving as soon as his ship was ready. Still, she had a job to do, so she smiled and asked if he’d like anything to drink.

“Whiskey, with a peel of lemon.”

“Ice?”

“No, thank you.”

She went about making his drink, bringing it back to the table and sitting in her previous seat, which just so happened to be next to the newcomer. “Here you are, Captain.”

“Please, call me Steve,” he smiled at Y/N and she felt something in her chest lighten at the expression.

Y/N spent the rest of the night until closing time at a table with the Howlies and their captain, listening to their stories and wishing she could be part of that, to get away from her quiet life and have an adventure for once.

After the Howlies paid their tabs and ambled their way out of the bar, Y/N took a few minutes to put away bottles and wipe down the bar. Expecting to be alone, she startled when she looked up and found Steve still in the room, quietly flipping chairs onto the tables.

“You don’t have to do that, Steve,” she rushed out, but he waved her off gently.

“It’s the least I could do after my men destroyed this place.”

She laughed, “it’s not destroyed, just a little messy. I’ve seen this bar in much worse condition. Besides, at least they’re kind and they tip well.” Steve nodded his head in agreement.

Steve waited outside while Y/N secured the till and closed and locked the doors behind her, a shy smile making its way onto his face when she turned around. “Would you let me walk you home? It’s just that it’s dark out, and these streets aren’t always the safest.”

Feeling safe in his presence after only knowing him for a few hours, Y/N nodded her head, leading the way to her home as Steve kept pace beside her and filled the silence by asking questions about herself. He enjoyed getting to know someone new, someone who he could tell was a kind soul, but could also keep up with his crewmates and serve them snark right back.

Y/N slowed when they reached her home, wanting to draw out her time with Steve as much as she could. Still, the day weighed on her and she felt the need to go inside and sleep, so she came to a stop in front of the door. “Well, this is me.”

Steve stopped walking, disappointment filling him at their time together ending for now. Still, he smiled, glad to have gotten the chance. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight, Steve,” before Y/N could stop herself she leaned forward, brushing her lips softly across his stubbled cheek. “Thank you for walking me home.”

Steve’s muttered “anytime” was almost lost to her ears, but Y/N smiled when she heard it. She sent one last look over her shoulder before unlocking the front door and walking inside, closing it behind her.

That night Steve made his way through the streets back to his lodgings, happiness spilling across his face so freely that he couldn’t stop if he wanted.

“I love you, Y/N.”

“Don’t say that, Steve, please, just-” a sob broke out of her chest, interrupting her words.

Steve closed his eyes to try and hide the pain there, hands reaching out to hold her for as long as he could. After spending weeks together and forming a deep bond, repairs on the Howling Commando were finished and it was time for Steve to set sail again. He tried to put it off as long as he could, but he and his men had jobs to do and couldn’t resist any longer.

Icy ocean air whipped onto the dock where the two lovers were hidden, chilling Y/N to her bones. She held tighter onto Steve, not wanting to let go, but it was inevitable.

“I wish you could stay,” she murmured into his neck, the skin contact giving him some warmth in the cool morning wind.

“I know,” Steve replied, placing a kiss on her temple and rubbing a hand in circles on her back in comfort, “but a harbor isn’t my home.”

Y/N nodded. She understood. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, though, the constricting feeling in her chest not going away, and she figured it would last until long after Steve left.

A ship’s horn blew in the distance, and Y/N knew it was time. Y/N leaned forward, capturing his lips with hers. She kissed him, trying to convey all of the emotions she felt but didn’t have the time to express with words. Pulling away, she took a few deep breaths to still herself. “I love you too, Steve,” she echoed his earlier words. “Be safe out there, okay?”

“Wouldn’t dream of doing anything else.”

“Not according to some of the stories that Bucky’s told,” she retorted softly. They both laughed, but the sound grew hollow in the air. Y/N’s eyes met Steve’s, and this time, she didn’t see soft blue looking back at her. For once, Y/N could see the ocean falling and rising in his irises, the color like a stormy sea reflecting the sadness within. A soft hand caressed Steve’s jaw, and he knew that this would be the end.

As Y/N began to withdraw her hand, Steve wrapped his fingers around her wrist to stop her from going too far. “Wait.” Steve reached into his shirt, pulling out a silver chain that sparkled in the dim morning sunlight. “I want you to keep this.”

“What is it?”

“It was my mother’s necklace. It belongs close to my heart, and since you carry that with you now as well, it’s only fitting that you wear it.” Steve removed the necklace from himself before clasping it behind Y/N’s throat, the locket falling to rest on her sternum.

She grasped the locket with trembling fingers, warming the metal with her touch. “You say that like you’re never coming back here.”

“I might,” Steve started, but was cut off by her.

“But you don’t know for certain.”

Steve pursed his lips, his eyebrows drawn low as he closed his eyes. Even with her thoughts and emotions a wreck, Y/N couldn’t ignore how beautiful he was, his eyes fluttering as his lashes brushed against his cheekbones. Still, his silence was the most clear answer she was going to get from him. Accepting that fact, Y/N let her hands fall from where they rested on his chest and took a step back. “Goodbye, Steve.”

In the cold, foggy morning, Steve watched as she walked away, not turning around once as she made her way out of his life.

“Steve,” Bucky called out to his friend and captain as he passed by on the ship deck. Steve nodded in acknowledgement, continuing the walk to his quarters. Bucky took that as his cue to follow along and keep talking. “I just got back from doing inventory, and if we wanna make it to Thailand, it looks like we’re gonna have to stop and replenish our supplies. You know, food, fuel, that sort of thing.”

“Okay,” was the simple reply that earned him.

“Unless you wanna run out of rations in the middle of the Pacific.”

Steve turned an incredulous look on his friend as he stopped in front of the door to his quarters, wondering if his first mate had suffered a mental break. “No, I definitely don’t want that.”

Bucky followed Steve into his quarters as he shrugged his shoulders in a casual show. “It’s just that, the best place to stop on the way to Thailand is that town we stayed in while the ship was gettin’ fixed.”

A sigh left Steve in a huff, the man nodding his head reluctantly in agreement. “Okay, I trust you to get everything lined out while we’re there.”

“Will do, Cap.”

Steve sat down at the desk in his room and opened a ledger before noting that Bucky was still present, and making himself comfortable on the edge of Steve’s bed. “Anything else, or is that all you needed to talk about?”

“Man, Morita was right, you do need to lighten up.” A flex of Steve’s eyebrows had Bucky raising his hands in surrender. “I’m just saying, you’ve been different since we left, and I think I can deduce the reason why.”

“Deduce?”

“I read stuff!” Smiles lifted both men’s faces just the slightest. “I know this; you’re acting even more sullen than usual, you don’t talk as much or hang out with the guys for very long when you get some free time. It seems like you left a piece of yourself in that town.”

“I think I did. Leave part of me, I mean.”

“Then let’s go get it. Steve,” Bucky took a long, hard look at his friend and decided to ask the question that has been on his mind. “Isn’t she worth it?”

Steve looked down at his hands, his face lifting as he let himself think of their memories together and how much he truly missed her. Her presence, her laugh, her intellect...everything. “She really is.”

“Don’t screw it up this time.” Bucky stood from the bed, walking over to his friend and clapping him firmly on the shoulder before walking from the room.

Y/N is brought out of her thoughts and memories when she feels a hand on her shoulder. Looking up, she finds her boss looking at her with a concerned expression on his face. “Oh, hey, Nick.”

“Hey, kid. Are you doin’ alright?”

“Yeah,” she laughs off his question. “Why would you ask that?”

“You seem a little distant tonight.” Nick looks over his shoulder to the other side of the bar where Steve still sits. “Or maybe just a little too close to your own thoughts.”

Y/N brushes off his observation, shaking her head with a smile that she hopes is reassuring. “I’m fine, I promise.”

“Why don’t you take the rest of the night off? You never seem to get a break from this place, maybe you should take a few hours to yourself. Maria and I’ll take it from here.”

A genuine smile, then “I would be crazy to turn down a night off work, wouldn’t I?”

Y/N gathers her things and says goodbye, and she can’t help the pang of disappointment in her chest when she looks toward the end of the bar and finds it empty. Steve must have slipped out while she was distracted, and she’s stuck somewhere between thankful and unhappy.

Making her way outside, Y/N feels a breeze on her face, the setting sun bringing a peaceful warmth with it. When the breeze brings to her a once-familiar smell, the content smile on her face falls, and she opens her eyes to find Steve before her, an apologetic look on his face. He clears his throat almost nervously, his voice low as he asks, “would you let me walk you home?”

Y/N nods and simply begins walking the familiar path to her home while Steve follows. The journey is silent for a few minutes as both adjust to being near each other again, the way they left off last time hangs in the air with every step they take, until Y/N can’t handle the silence anymore. “So you’re back.”

“I am,” Steve is quick to reply, thankful for conversation, though he knows it’s painful for both of them. “We stopped to refuel and grab some supplies before continuing our journey to Thailand.” Y/N hums at that, not sure how to respond. When she doesn’t, Steve takes the opportunity to really look at her. “I missed you, Y/N.”

A soft sigh leaves her, his name carrying on her breath. “I’ve missed you too.”

It’s silent again, until Steve finds the courage to say what he’s been wanting to since setting course for her little harbor town. “When I used to tell you stories from sailing, travelling around the world, and you would say that you wished you could experience that...did you mean it?”

Y/N’s eyebrows dip lower on her forehead, contemplation and confusion filling her. Why would he bring that up now, after so long? “Yes, I meant it. I still do.”

Relief shows itself briefly on Steve’s face before he shifts back to neutral. They reach Y/N’s home and sit down on the front step, neither wanting their reunion to end so soon. “The Howling Commando will leave this port two days from now.” Steve pauses to take a deep breath, licking his dry lips. “I’d like you to be on it when it does.”

Speechless, Y/N takes a minute to try and process what he’s just said. When she remains silent, Steve continues. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. And I realized that when I left, I told you that the harbor wasn’t my home...but I never asked you if it was yours.”

The words reach Y/N’s ears, and she’s hit with so many feelings that it’s hard to think straight. She runs her hands through her hair, and when that doesn’t help to calm her she stands, pacing a few feet away from the porch before rounding on the man still sitting on the steps. “You can’t be serious,” she says almost desperately.

Steve, who has been silent while she tries to process this, raises his eyebrows as if challenging her statement. “And why can’t I be serious?”

“Because, Steve! So much time has passed, and suddenly you’re back, and saying that, what, you want me to come with you?”

Steve’s reply is simple. “Yes.”

Y/N deflates, argument leaving her for a moment. “You know that I can’t just agree to this on the spot, right?”

“I know,” he nods.

“Because this is a lot to process, Steve, I mean...I would be dropping the only life I’ve ever known to sail off into the distance. I’ve never even left the harbor, and then there’s us…”

When she trails off, Steve stands from his spot on the steps and approaches her slowly, hands coming to rest on her biceps in a calming gesture. “This was a lot to dump onto you, and I’m sorry that it was so short-notice. I don’t want you to do something that you’ll regret later, but you have a few days before we leave that you can decide.”

When Y/N nods, Steve puts a goofy grin on his face to try and make her laugh, succeeding in drawing an amused huff from the woman. “Besides, if you come with me and then decide you don’t wanna stay, we can bring you back here or drop you off at a location of your choosing. There won’t be any leaving you on a deserted island to fend off pirates.” This time, Steve’s remark brings a grin to her face, and she can’t help the short laugh that follows.

“Thank you,” she says, looking into his eyes for the second time this evening, and is pleased at the warmth she finds there, that she’s always found in Steve. Taking a step back, she can’t help but be disappointed at the loss of his touch. “I guess I have a lot to think about.”

Steve nods, taking a step back for himself, resisting the temptation to take her back into his arms. “I’ll leave you to it, then.” At the last second he moves toward her, leaving a kiss on her lips that seems all too brief to both parties. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight, Steve.”

Y/N walks up the front steps into her home, resisting the urge to look back, only turning when she shuts the door behind herself. She lets out a sigh, taking a moment to gather herself. It’s time for a strong drink, a hot bath, and a lot of consideration about her future.

It’s been nearly two days of consideration, and Y/N hasn’t yet decided what to do. Between worry over her decision and bouts of anger at Steve for dropping this on her so suddenly, she can barely focus at work, forgetting simple tasks and practically zoning out for minutes at a time. It didn’t take long for Nick to notice, the bar’s owner an observant man that also cares for his employees, and as her odd behavior has persisted, he found himself stepping in.

“Y/N!” When she heard her name called from the office, her head popped up from where she was wiping down the bartop, a question in her eyes.

“Yeah, boss?”

“Why don’t you take a break from that? Come in my office for a few minutes.”

Her brows dip on her forehead in confusion but she does as asked, putting away the rag she used for cleaning and making sure someone was watching the bar before making her way into Nick’s office. The man is already sitting at his desk when she walks in, so she closes the door behind her and takes the chair opposite him.

She’s nervous, but puts on a neutral face as she looks her boss in the eye. “What’s up, Nick?”

He shakes his head before looking back at her. “I was gonna ask you the same thing, kid. You’ve been out of it for a few days-” He’s cut off when she starts apologizing, but he just holds up a hand to stop her. “You’re not in trouble. I just wanted to check in on you, make sure everything’s okay with you.”

Y/N smiles, glad to have someone in her life that cares about her. “I’m alright, Nick, just thinking through some stuff.”

“Would this “stuff” have anything to do with the Captain being back in town?”

She takes in a deep breath, releasing it with her next words. “It has more to do with the fact that he’s leaving again...and he asked me to go with him.”

Nick’s eyebrows raise at hearing this, mouth falling slack before he catches himself, employing his usual trained angry expression. He clears his throat, shifting in his seat so he’s facing her more directly. “And are you? Going with him, I mean.”

A dejected sigh leaves her as she shrugs her shoulders, looking across the desk at the man who had become a father figure to her. “I don’t know.”

Nick takes a long moment to really look at her before coming to a conclusion. “I think you do.”

“Wha-” Her eyebrows dip down her face, mouth opening to question him when he continues his train of thoughts.

“I think that you want to go. I also know you, you’re scared.”

Nick’s simple verdict stops her in place and Y/N closes her eyes, admitting to herself what he already knows about her. “I’ve been in this town my whole life. I’ve always wanted to travel, but I don’t really know what waits for me out in the world.” She pauses and bites her lip, thinking through her next words. “I love Steve, and I want to be with him. I’m just afraid of what our relationship will be like when we’re trapped on a boat together on the open sea.” With a chuckle, she looks down at her lap, fidgeting with her fingers. “We might get sick of each other after two weeks.”

“Or you might not.” She looks up in surprise at Nick’s words and he raises his hands in acknowledgement. “I know, I’ve never been the type to say to drop everything and go after a romantic interest. But, I’ve seen you together, and I’ve also seen you without him. You got just a little taste of adventure when he visited here the first time, and that opened your taste buds up for more. I don’t think you’d be able to forgive yourself if you let this opportunity pass you by.”

It’s quiet as Y/N processes Nick’s words, and she knows deep down that he’s right.

She looks up, resolution shining in her eyes as she finally admits to herself just how much she really wants this. Nick takes in the look on her face, leaning back in his chair wearing a satisfied smile. “You better head home early tonight, looks like you’ve got some packing to do.”

She laughs, a fond smile breaking over her face. “It looks like it.”

Y/N stays in his office a little while longer, as Nick agrees to pack up what belongings she doesn’t take with her to put in storage and assuring her that while she could never be replaced, it wouldn’t be hard to fill her job at the bar. As he practically shoos her out of his establishment to begin packing, Nick walks Y/N to the door and gifts her with a bright smile by his standards.

“I’m gonna miss you, kid, be safe out on the water. And make sure you tell the captain that if anything happens to you, his head is mine.”

Y/N laughs, shaking her head at the older man. “I’ll be sure to do that.” It’s silent for a moment as she tries not to tear up. “Thank you for everything, Nick. You’ve always been good to me.”

Nick nods silently, pulling her in for a tight hug. He clears his throat, stepping away after a moment. “Now get out of here. I need a break from you, kid.”

“Oh you’ll be hearing from me, old man. You can’t get rid of me that easily,” she laughs, leaving the bar behind with a spring in her step.

As the sun starts to creep above the horizon, coloring the skyline with oranges and pinks, Steve checks his watch one more time. Between watching the time and checking his surroundings, on the outside he looks like a man obsessed, and inside he’s starting to feel it.

A hand lands on his shoulder and he looks up to find his first mate by his side, eyes clouded with something that Steve doesn’t want to admit looks like pity. “The cargo’s all loaded. We’re ready to set sail whenever you are, Captain.”

A solemn nod is his answer as Steve acknowledges what he’s been denying to himself for the past three days. Maybe she’s not coming. Releasing a dejected sigh, he turns around, walking beside Bucky as they make their way beside the ship is docked. Steve wasn’t expecting that when they came to the gangway, Y/N would be standing in front of it, holding a large suitcase and duffel bag, breathing heavily as though she’d just run here.

Relief fills Steve and he couldn’t contain his smile if he tried, her name leaving his lips on a whisper to join them in the cool morning air. She returns his smile, her lips lifting peacefully before she opens them to speak. “You weren’t going to leave without me, were you?”

Steve’s eyes widen as he tries to think of something to say to reassure her that that is most definitely /not/ what he wanted, before her smile widens and she giggles at his expression. Beside him, Bucky chuckles, leaning down to leave a friendly kiss on her cheek. “Glad to have you with us, doll.” He grabs her bags, making his way onto the ship and giving her and Steve a few moments alone.

She looks up at him, eyes soft in the morning light, and Steve’s heart decides to do back-flips in his chest because she’s here. Her voice reaches him, almost shy under his gaze as nervous fingers fidget with the locket around her neck. “Sorry I’m late.”

He immediately shakes his head, waving away her apology before reaching down to hold both of her hands in his own. “That’s okay. I’m happy you came.” He can’t express how happy he is.

She hums, stepping an inch closer to him. “I would’ve been here sooner, but the guy who asked me to meet him here wasn’t very specific on where…” She trails off, squinting her eyes up at Steve and he laughs, falling harder for her at the mischievous twinkle he finds there. “I hope you aren’t as vague when giving orders on your ship, Captain, or we might end up lost on the open sea.”

Steve pulls her closer, his hands moving from their hold on hers to resting loosely around her waist. “I would like to apologize for my unclear request. I promise it won’t happen again.” Steve’s voice is filled with mirth, but his words are genuine. No way was he going to risk losing her after just getting her back in his life.

“It better not,” she mutters, her nose bumping his gently when she goes to turn her head. Steve takes this opportunity to lean forward that last little bit, his lips finding hers like they were never parted.

She sighs into the kiss and she leans into him, contentment and warmth filling her. The kiss isn’t intense, but it’s filled with passion, as both of them relish in being back together again.

The blow of a horn sounds from the ship, and this time instead of making Y/N’s heart sink in her chest, she smiles, pulling away from Steve reluctantly. “I think that’s our cue to leave, Captain.”

He smiles, bumping his nose against her cheek affectionately. “I think you might be right.” He reaches down, intertwining their hands once more as they begin to walk up the gangway side by side. This harbor wasn’t her home either but now it seems she’s found one on board the Howling Commando, so she happily ascends the ship, ready to leave this small town behind.

Thank you for reading! Please leave likes and comments/reblogs and let me know if you liked it 🖤

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trapbeat00 · 3 years

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airadam · 3 years

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Episode 142 : ...If You Hear Me

"We all need...some fresh air."

- Tobe

This month has been pretty exhausting, but I did have some good ideas for this episode, and once I hit stride with the recording I decided to try and keep the pace up and get it released on a weekend day! The selection has turned out to be heavy on artists who are no longer with us, but left us some great music to remember them by. Get yourself comfortable and press "play"...

Twitter : @airadam13

Twitch : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Evidence ft. Raekwon and Ras Kass : The Red Carpet

How is this track ten years old already? Time has flown since the 2011 release of "Cats & Dogs", the second solo Evidence album after four LPs as part of Dilated Peoples. While Evidence is an excellent producer in his own right, the reins here are taken by his future partner in The Step Brothers, The Alchemist. He further shows his confidence by bringing in California's Ras Kass and Raekwon from the Wu to guest, both legendary MCs, and holds his own next to both. A great collection of talent to kick off the show!

[DJ Premier] Gang Starr : What's Real? (Instrumental)

I just had to go back to "One Of The Best Yet" for another Preemo beat! Definitely get the instrumental release if you can, especially as you get the previously-unreleased "Glowing Mic" as a bonus cut.

The Notorious B.I.G ft. DMC : My Downfall

As I say on the voiceover, it feels weird playing a good chunk of Biggie's catalogue given how he ultimately died. This track from "Life After Death" is a perfect example, and feels like a mix of the creative writing he was famed for and maybe a realisation of exactly how much negativity swirled around him even after he had made the transition from the streets to the music industry. The legendary DMC of RUN DMC guests, only on the hook - but he does it well.

Agallah : Slaughter

Just a few bars, just a taste, as I needed something to bridge a track with no instrumental outro and the other with no open bars on the intro! Big respect to Agallah though, who has been putting in work since the mid-90s and will probably have yet another new project out by the time I finish typing this sentence. Find this beat on "Propain Campain Presents Agalllah - The Instrumental Vol. 1".

Sean Price and Small Professor (ft. Rock and DJ Revolution) : Refrigerator P

Heavy business! Ruck (Sean Price) and Rock, formerly the duo Heltah Skeltah, reunite on this killer from the "86 Witness" LP. Small Professor makes the beat dramatic, and DJ Revolution seasons the mix with his trademark super-sharp cuts.

Fred The Godson : Presidents

The Bronx-born-and-bred MC Fred The Godson sadly passed away last April at just 35 - one of the relatively early US casualties of COVID-19. During his lifetime, his catalogue consisted of some highly-rated mixtapes, but only after his death do we finally hear his debut album, "Ascension". This track of course is built (by Hesami) around the same sample as Jay-Z's "Dead Presidents" as Fred expounds on the drug game.

Broke 'n' English : Tryin' (Calibre Mix)

"Tryin'" was one of the standouts on the 2007 debut LP "Subject 2 Status" from this respected Manchester crew. Both Strategy and DRS have a long-standing history in the drum & bass scene, and so it made sense that the remix of this track would be handled by someone like Calibre. Sharp, crisp drum action and a smooth bassline drive this one along, with DRS' vocals being woven in as a refrain. You can hear in this one track how DRS then went on to make several excellent D&B albums - his vocal versatility allows him to shine on any production.

Marco Polo : Cindy

The "MP On The MP" (see what he did there?) beat tape is inspired by a Youtube series he was doing, and features a host of new and unreleased beats. Marco Polo is one keeping this style of production alive, which I'm thankful for. I still think of him as a "new" producer, but he's a veteran with over fifteen years in the industry!

Le$ : Out To Cali

Le$ is a great MC to go to if you want lyrics about just living life and having fun - almost like a Curren$y, but without the extreme high-end references. Right here, he's going to Cali, buying some weed, riding around, and enjoying the view - sometimes it doesn't need to be more lofty than that. Mr.Rogers goes to a familiar sample as a basis for the beat, and if you want more, the whole "Summer Madness" will give you these vibes - and exercise your speakers in the process.

O.C. : What I Need (Keelay Remix)

The "Smoke & Mirrors" LP is a bit of a forgotten one for many, but I really enjoyed it, and when acapellas became available, it was expertly remixed by the Sole Vibe crew out of San Francisco. The classic soul sample (which you may recognise from tracks like "Deeper" by Bo$$) is the foundation, with a heavy kick and skipping hi-hats providing the rhythm. O.C. never lost a step from his first LP, and he's never afraid to put his feelings out there on wax.

Sadat X : Stages & Lights

This is one of those tracks I was stunned to realised I hadn't already played on the podcast, so here it is at last! This Showbiz-produced cut from the 1996 "Wild Cowboys" LP, Sadat's solo debut, was also a B-side on the "Hang 'Em High" single - but definitely stole the show. If you ever find the original sample, you'll be amazed at how Show plucked that one small piece for this beat!

Phife Dawg : Thought U Wuz Nice

Killer B-side action from Phife Dawg, on the flip of the Superrappin "Bend Ova" 12", with J Dilla on the bouncy production. Still can't quite believe that both of these icons are no longer with us.

Saib : Beyond Clouds

The Chillhop label seems to put out endless amounts of beats from producers specialising in sounds inspired by greats like J Dilla and Nujabes, but with their own spin. This one comes from the "Chillhop Essentials Fall 2020" compilation, one of any number that are perfect for soundtracking study, work, or just a lazy day!

213 : Run On Up

That beat by Tha Chill and the delivery of "Shut the f********ck up and ruuuu-uuu-uuuun" by the late great Nate Dogg is enough to make this an absolute classic in my ears, but the full picture is even better. Way before "Doggystyle", "The Chronic", or even "Deep Cover", 213 was the group formed in Long Beach by Nate Dogg, Warren G, and Snoop, before any of them had got their big breaks. Years later, after all of them had become stars in their own rights, it was heart-warming to see them reform for the "The Hard Way" LP, from which this is taken.

Sporty Thievz : Angel

The Sporty Thievz deserve to be remembered for more than "No Pigeons", as much as we enjoyed the whole thing at the time. The "Street Cinema" album may not have quite lived up to the name, but there were some solid cuts on there, and this was one. Produced by King Kirk of the group alongside Ski, this track has all the foreboding, and while the singing on the hook may not be Marvin Gaye level, it absolutely works here.

Jean Grae : My Crew

One of the great underrated MCs - not because her skills are in question, but simply because not enough people know her! She's in fine early 2000s form on this cut from the "Bootleg of the Bootleg EP", produced by China Black. Straight boom-bap, and she cuts through with clarity and dexterity. Jean Grae raps, sings, produces, acts...one of the true talent of the culture.

Bronx Slang : Just Say No

New single from Jerry Beeks and Ollie Miggs, who have really been on a hot streak the last couple of years. It's nice to hear some protest music in an era that really calls for it, and if this is a marker of how good the upcoming second album is going to be, then you need to reserve a space in your crates right now! Jadell on production brings an appropriate heaviness to the track, no lightness on the beat!

[Ron Browz] Big L : The Heist (Instrumental)

All these years and I'd never looked to see who produced this beat from Big L's posthumously-released LP "The Big Picture" - come to find out it's one of Ron Browz' first credits. He's much better known for "Ether" by Nas, which came in 2001. The vocal version of this track is what the name suggests, a robbery tale, and you can hear the sound effects that punctuate the narrative still here in the instrumental.

Tobe Nwigwe : Fresh Air

Tobe Nwigwe and his collective (including his wife Fat and his producer Nell) have been quietly on the rise for a while, but in very recent times their profile has elevated noticeably. "The Pandemic Project" is a short six-track album from last year, and another quality addition to the catalogue. This man is an amazing MC, and Nell's often-unconventional beats are the perfect canvas. Don't sleep!

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

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67-chevy-baby · 5 years

Text

Remedy

Pairing - Jared x Reader

Tags - Slight angst, FLUFFFFFF, language, and I think that’s it.

Word Count - 2,664

Beta - @winecatsandpizza

Fic Aesthetic - Yours truly

The Song I Chose - Off My Mind by Radio Company

Written for - @saxxxology’s Vol 1 Writing Challenge

A/N - So, I couldn’t find much about Jared’s sister. I don’t think she’s married, but just so y’all know I made up Trent, Max, and Macee. Also, there may be a part 2 to this. It’s my first Jared fic, and I’m not sure I write him well. At any rate, I hope y’all enjoy it, and I especially hope you like this Saxxy. I really tried to make this good. :)

To say you’d become a failure to your parents was an understatement.

From the moment you dropped out of college to pursue your real dream, they’d cut all ties with you. Honestly, it didn’t come as a surprise considering all they seemed to care about was what they wanted you to succeed in. If it didn’t benefit them, then they weren’t interested.

Finally realizing their true intentions was the straw that broke the camel’s back. You packed what little belongings you had and left for Texas, leaving your home-town in Ohio behind in the rearview mirror. The beat-to-hell car you inherited lasted you until the outskirts of Dallas, so you decided to hole up in a hotel with the last bit of savings you had.

After checking in and grabbing some snacks from the vending machine in the lobby, you headed to your room and splayed out on the bed. You scrolled through local jobs as you munched on a Snickers bar. Nothing really jumped out at you, but this wasn’t a time in your life where it was rational to be picky. If you were going to pursue becoming a singer, then you needed some cash to get you started.

Nothing really piqued your interest around Dallas, so you decided to span your search further. After an hour of sifting through different job opportunities, you finally came across one that caught your eye.

Full-Time Nanny in Avery Ranch Start Date: Mid-January 2020 Children ages: 5 and 2 months Hours/Rate: M-F 7:30am-5pm - $18/hr Serious Inquiries Only: (512)586-2463

Other than singing, babysitting your sister’s kids was something else you thoroughly enjoyed. Her husband had cheated on her, and they divorced soon after so you became a constant in their lives. Not that you weren’t before, but since you were a full-time student at the time you often watched them during your off time.

Before you could talk yourself out of it, you called the number and waited. By the third ring, you were starting to get discouraged but then a woman’s cheerful voice answered.

“Hello?”

Talking on the phone was never a strong suit of yours. Especially not knowing who was on the other end, it always gave you anxiety. Taking a deep breath, you stammered out a response.

“Um, h-hi. My name’s Y/N and I saw your add about the Nanny position. I’d like to apply if it’s still available.”

You heard the woman clear her throat and some rustling before she came back on the line.

“Hi, Y/N! My name's Megan. Yes, the position is still available! Can you come over tomorrow at noon? My husband and I would like to meet over coffee to get to know you a bit better before we introduce you to the children.”

Well, you weren’t expecting that, but the desperate situation you were in won over the butterflies fluttering against your abdomen.

“Y-Yeah! I can do that!”

The warmth in the woman’s response was evident and it eased any doubts you had bouncing around in your head.

“Great! We’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N. I’ll text you the address and feel free to wear something comfortable. Lord knows with two kids I won't be wearing my best dress."

You bid her goodbye and sighed into your pillow. Despite uprooting your life merely a day ago, things were starting to come together, and for once, you couldn't be happier.

--------------------------------------------

Jared sighed as he walked through the airport. Another season of Supernatural wrapped and he was finally on his home turf again. The familiarity of the Texas air nipped his bare skin as he headed for the awaiting taxi. Tonight, he'd rest up and then tomorrow he'd go and see his siblings.

The ride to his studio apartment was short, but it allowed him to send a few texts and emails anyway. He tipped the cab driver generously and took the elevator up to his floor.

His apartment wasn't much, but it was enough for him. The entry area was small, bearing a hook on the wall to hang his keys, a closet for his coat and shoes, and a couple of light switches. Just off to the left was the living room. He had a black leather sectional and a nice entertainment center where he could watch the latest Cowboys game comfortably. The kitchen wasn't enormous, but he didn't need it to be. It had everything he needed and all the appliances were new enough. His bedroom was just the way he left it, his king-size bed unmade and his laundry in the basket by the bathroom door.

Jared tossed his suitcase on the bed and padded to the kitchen for a beer. He'd start laundry tomorrow. It wasn't like he had anyone to impress or anything. Ever since Supernatural gained its popularity, he'd shied away from serious relationships because he barely had time for himself let alone a significant other. Settling into the couch, he flipped through the channels before stopping on the movie Die Hard, one of his favorite Christmas movies. Before he knew it, he'd dozed off, his hard work and jet lag finally catching up to him.

-------------------------------------------------

You groaned and shut off your alarm. How was it already 6 AM? Forcing yourself to emerge from your warm blanket cocoon, you padded to the bathroom praying a hot shower would wake you up. Mornings were far from your favorite thing, and if you were going to meet with your potential employer then you needed to be somewhat presentable.

Once you were dressed and had some sustenance, you wore a simple pair of jeans and a comfortable top. Your hair fell neatly at your shoulders and once you applied a small amount of makeup, you looked less like a zombie than you imagined. Remembering to grab your card key, you slid on your flats and headed to the address that Megan had texted you.

The drive was nearly three hours, but you didn't mind. It allowed you to decompress and listen to your favorite Spotify playlist. Luckily, the rental car you managed to get had Bluetooth, otherwise you'd have to deal with the local stations.

Finally, you pulled into the driveway and allowed yourself to take a few deep breaths. The house was pretty big, two-story with a two-car garage. The yard was well kept and you could see the faint outlines of playground equipment down the street. Overall, it looked to be a nice, quiet neighborhood.

Crisp air fanned your face as you walked to the front door. A couple knocks later you were face to face with a sweet-looking young woman. She smiled warmly at you before inviting you inside.

"Hi! You must be Y/N. It's so good to meet you."

Smiling back at her, you shook her hand and then noticed a taller figure walk up behind her. He nodded at you and wrapped his arm around his wife’s waist.

“I’m her husband, Trent. Please come in and make yourself comfortable.”

You followed them inside and gasped as they led you into what had to be their living room. Your eyes wandered and marveled at how cozy and elegant everything looked. Not that it mattered to you, but you couldn’t help but think this couple had a lot of money.

“You have a beautiful home, Mr. and Mrs. …”

It only just hit you that you didn’t know their last name. Megan brought you a cup of some wonderful smelling coffee and sat down on the love seat across from you.

“Stevenson. Our last name is Stevenson. Thank you for your kind words. We moved here a little over a year ago so I could be closer to my niece.”

You nodded and moaned happily at the taste of the coffee. This was one of the many things you enjoyed in life, a nice hot cup of coffee.

“Oh, does your family live close? That’s always nice, having family that lives close by. I used to watch my older sister’s kids all the time while she worked. They’re in school full-time now, so that’s why I decided to move here to hopefully pursue my dream.”

It amazed you that you felt this comfortable around the Stevenson’s so quickly. Normally, your anxiety would get the better of you and it’d be like pulling teeth to get you to share personal things about your life. Megan nodded and scooted over to allow room for Trent to sit by her.

“Yes, one of my older brother’s lives about fifteen minutes from here. He’s not home often though due to his job. He’s an actor and really only gets time off during the summer and the holidays. My other older brother lives about forty-five minutes from here. He’s an Orthopedic surgeon.”

“Wow.” You breathed. “That’s really awesome! I have always wanted to be a singer, but my love of kids made me want to wait a little longer to try and become successful at it. I probably would have had kids of my own by now if I was fortunate in the relationship department. I seem to always find the ones who are either already married or live in their Mom’s basement.” The three of you shared a laugh and you watched as Trent scrolled through his phone.

“This is our son, Max. He just turned five about a month ago, and in his lap is our two-month-old daughter Macee.”

You looked at them both in awe. “They’re beautiful! Max sure looks like he loves Macee a lot.” Just as you handed Trent his phone back, a small voice sounded from the foot of the stairs.

“Mommy? I can’t sweep…”

The three of you looked to see little Max standing with his teddy bear and rubbing his eyes. Megan opened her arms and set him on her lap, pressing her lips to his forehead.

“Hey, baby. You can sit with Mommy while we talk to miss Y/N.”

Your ears perked up at her words. Was she giving you the job? Both her and Trent shared a look and you could tell they were having a wordless conversation. Finally, Megan turned and gave you an excited smile.

“Y/N, if you’re up for it, Trent and I would love to have you as our Nanny. You seem very attentive and dependable. We have a spare room that you can stay in for the time being, and you’ll have your own bathroom.”

“Thank you both so much! I can’t wait to work with you and get to know your adorable children. When would you like me to start?”

Megan gave you a folder with a few papers in it to go over.

“These are just a few more things about us and the kids that I want you to know. You can bring your things over tomorrow night and then on Monday you can start.”

You bid Trent and Megan goodbye and headed back to your hotel. It was as if a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You’d only been here a short time and you had a place to stay and a job. Now all you needed to get was a car and you’d better off than you were before you started your journey.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sound of his phone’s text tone woke Jared from his slumber. He typed a quick response to his sister and stretched his tired muscles. After taking a quick shower and getting dressed he grabbed his wallet and keys before heading out the door.

His sister said to be at her house in a couple of hours, but he didn’t see the harm in getting there early. It would give him time to play with Max and Macee for a little while. The drive there wasn’t very long, and soon he was walking up the sidewalk to their front door.

He let himself in and could saw his sister in the back yard playing with the kids. Before he could head through the house out the back door, something caught his attention. A sweet melodic voice flowed through the upstairs hallway that made his heartbeat quicken. He moved so he could see better and caught sight of the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. She had long brown hair that waved a bit at the ends, was probably about five foot one, and her voice was mesmerizing.

He watched as she cleaned the kids’ playroom, her hips shimmying to the music she was listening to. It was then that he recognized the song she was singing. It was one of the songs from Jensen’s new album! Standing in the foyer, he let himself listen to you a bit longer.

Oh, and how do I get you off my mind

With you back in my bed

How do I get you off my mind

Can’t have you living in my head

You can only stay awake so long

While deciding what is true

I lean in for a kiss upon your shoulder

Realize it wouldn’t do, not with you

So, how do I get you off my mind

With you back in my bed

How do I get you off my mind

Can’t have you living in my head

Unbeknownst to him, his sister was watching him watch her, the biggest smirk on her face knowing that you had caught her brother’s eye.

“Her name’s Y/N, and she’s Trent and I’s nanny.”

Jared whirled around to meet his sister’s knowing gaze. He knew he’d been caught staring and was sure he was blushing furiously.

“That’s ah… I’m uh… glad you found someone suitable for the kids, Meg. I bet she’s great.”

“Uh-huh… I haven’t seen you look at someone like that since… well, since ever really. You like her.”

“What?! That’s… I mean… I don’t even know her. I just… her singing was um… really good!”

By now, you had finished cleaning the playroom and was prepared to relieve Megan so she could go out with her family. You heard her talking to someone and you assumed it was Trent.

“Hey, Megan! I finished cleaning the pla-”

Your words were caught in your throat as you looked down into the foyer. There, standing mere feet from you was your celebrity crush since you saw him on Gilmore Girls. Jared Padalecki. It took only a moment for things to click in your brain and you deduced that he and Megan were siblings.

“Y/N, this is one of my older brother’s Jared, Jared this is Y/N.”

“H-Hi…” You squeaked. He gave you a boyish grin and you forgot how to breathe. “I’m uh… just going to get a few things from my room…”

Once you were behind the closed door, you let out a shaky breath. How in the fuck did you manage to get a job at Jared Padalecki’s sister’s house?! Taking a deep breath you grabbed the Tonka set you bought Max and headed downstairs to the great room to play with him and Macee. Jared was in the kitchen with Megan, and you were lucky enough to be immensely distracted by Max to hear what they were saying.

“I’m telling you Jare, you should ask her out! I give her weekends off, and I don’t think she knows anyone here but us. I think it would be nice to show her around.”

Jared rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I don’t know Megan… I just met he-”

“Oh cut the crap, Jared. You can make all the excuses you want, but you and I both know you like her. C’mon! Take a chance! She’s cute and you’re single. If you keep waiting around for the right person, then who knows how long you’ll be waiting?”

Jared contemplated his sister’s words as he eyed you through the kitchen. Who was he kidding? Megan was right. He sighed and swallowed thickly as he headed into the Great room.

“Here goes nothing…”

#saxxxology vol 1 writing challenge #jared padalecki x reader #jared x reader #'pala writes

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rebelwith0utacause · 4 years

Text

Daydreaming, vol.1, part 3

Yellow, here’s a new part of Daydreaming vol.1 if anyone wants to read it. ^^ ( @ilumxna ) part 1 | part 2

You thought you had your shit together. It’s been years since you’ve felt this angry or this insecure. The emotions hit you so suddenly, they almost left you gasping for air. Common sense flew out of your head and you just had to go and see it for yourself.

The call from your mom came at 3 in the morning. You were somewhere in dreamland when the first sounds of the familiar tune broke through your slumber. Seeing Liz’s name this early in the morning wasn’t good. You loved your mother dearly, but you were almost positive that she would be the bearer of bad news.

Her voice sounded strained with a breathy undertone when she asked to have coffee with you in the morning. This didn’t surprise you too much since she moved to LA after retiring, opting to make it her permanent residence while she traveled around the world and took photos. You were so happy that she could live her dreams. You were also pleased to finally be close to her after almost three decades of being apart.

You picked up both drinks from the nearby coffee shop and set out towards the park. It was a slightly chilly morning so the park was half-empty, leaving you with plenty of seating options. She was still the same as ever, save for the grey in her hair and her nervous demeanor.

“Mom, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?” you asked as you gave her her coffee and a sideways hug. Your long limbs were able to envelop her whole without being awkward.

“Don’t worry, baby, Andy and I are fine. Is it so weird to want to see your kid these days?”

“C’mon, mom,” you huffed, “you called me at 3 AM so something must definitely be up. Now, don’t beat around the bush and just tell me.”

It was weird talking to your mom like this. It used to be her taking this no-nonsense tone with you, but things have definitely changed. She couldn’t look you in the eye at first, holding her gaze to the left, trying to find the words.

“So, you know how I just got back from this trip, yeah? We went as far as Maine with your dad. I haven’t felt so alive in a long time. Now I know why you miss touring so much.” she started, sitting sideways on the bench and taking your hand in hers.

“We were in this tiny little town in Connecticut, you should’ve seen the sunsets… Kinda reminded me of Sydney. Anyways, we decided to snap a few photos of the beach and grab a beer with your dad. There was live music, and, honestly, here comes the tricky part. The kid, the one singing… It almost felt like I was transported twenty years back in time and it was you sitting on that barstool. He looked like he might be a carbon copy of you Luke. I… I thought I might be losing my mind, but your dad agrees with me.”

You were still trying to process her words when she pulled out her phone and unlocked it, showing you a picture of a curly man, a little older than a boy, in fact, looking directly into the camera with a vacant stare in his blue eyes. “Look, baby, I know this might be a lot to take in, but I swear to you. I felt something there. I think he might be yours. There’s just no other way of explaining it. We asked around, and it turns out that he takes the stage there every week, so he’ll be around. I’m not gonna tell you what to do, but I think that you should go and make sense of this whole situation by yourself.”

It felt like time stood still as you were staring at that picture. It reminded you of looking at yourself in the mirror, except the hair color was a bit darker, the skin a bit smoother and the stare a bit more lost.

There were a lot of emotions brewing underneath your skin. There was definitely uncertainty, not knowing whether it was worth it to even pay attention to this issue, he might just turn out to be a lookalike, as bizarre as it may seem. There was a hefty amount of anger, because if what you felt deep in your heart was true, someone managed to hide a son from you for years, and you might just have an idea who. There was also sadness, that you missed so much, that you almost missed it all.

It took you a week to get over the shock and plan the trip, but once you were seated in that rental car, driving down I-95, you knew you made the right call. It was approaching sunset by the time you got there. Your mom was right, it was a beautiful one. You grabbed a seat towards the back, glad that there weren’t that many people who could recognize you. The band was just a fond memory locked up in your mind by now, but there were still a few people asking for an autograph on the street and your name still appeared in popular songs as the author. Guess you couldn’t live without music after all.

You were slightly amazed at what you heard. His voice was nothing like yours. It was a lot deeper and intimate, not entirely radio-friendly, but jam-packed with emotions. You couldn’t help yourself but rake your eyes over him. If you didn’t know by now, you were 99.9% sure that this was your son.

Almost as if waking up from a dream, he strummed the last chord on the guitar before saying “Thank you for having me here tonight. My name is Matt, for those of you who don’t know me, and I’ll be seeing you next Thursday, same place, same time. Have a good night!”

So all this time you had a baby boy called Matt. It somehow fit him perfectly. It was showtime. You slowly approached him as he was packing his guitar. “You could’ve added a bit of emotion at the end, you know that, right?”

His startled stare turned to you and you could see him sizing you up. Something clocked, but he was still unsure. “Excuse me, do I know you?”

“I don’t know, Matt, do you?” He knew something. You just knew it in your heart of hearts. He somehow knew you or maybe knew of you.

“I always thought that you were just a figment of my imagination…” That was not what you were expecting to hear. Have we met before?

“I’m sorry, it’s just I have this recurring daydream of looking at a stage and seeing you there, and the light makes it difficult to see if it was you, but I just know it is. Holy shit. It was driving me crazy.”

“I used to be in a band. Maybe you’ve seen us play live.” you point out, lifting the corners of your mouth. “Listen, this might sound weird, but do you… maybe… wanna grab a beer with me? I feel like we need to talk.”

“Sure, let me just make sure all the equipment is safely stored.”

You take a seat at an open table, hearing seagulls faintly in the distance. After a while of uncomfortable silence and curious stares, you decide to break the ice. “Is… This is hard for me to ask but, is there a chance that we could actually be related?”

“If you’re asking me if I’m your son, then there’s a high probability it might just be true. I’ve never really known my dad. All my life it’s been me and my mom.”

“Your mom?”

“Yes, Y/N.” Even though you had your doubts, hearing her name was like a punch to the solar plexus. It was common knowledge among your friends and family that she was the one that got away, and also the one who shall not be named. “Y/N…”

“Yes, you know her?” he said with a slight tilt to his head, something that he never forgot you used to do.

“You could say that… I guess I didn’t know her enough because she managed to hide something from me for 23 years.”

“Listen, maybe it would be better if you talked to her about this all. I’ll give you her address,” he said, giving you an apologetic look and grabbing a napkin and a pen from the bar. “It’s not far away from here and she’s probably at home. That’s my number if… if, you know, you want to give me a call after everything is cleared up.”

You take a careful look at him. He’s looking everywhere but at you and his cheeks are stained red. It shouldn’t be this way. He shouldn’t feel ashamed to ask his dad if he can keep in touch. With sadness and anger simmering in your blood, you pull him in a hug and whisper brokenly “You’re not getting rid of me that easy kid.”

#luke hemmings #luke #luke 5sos #luke hemmo #5sos luke #lh #lrh #imagine #imagines #fanfics #fanfiction #writing #5sos #sorry for the crappy content

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vspideycaptain · 5 years

Text

The Real War (Part 2)

Reader x Tom Holland x Chris Evans (not a 3 way)

A/N: You’re a newer member of the MCU as you were and actor cast in Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 3. Through the shooting process you have come to know the other actors in the MCU and some have even taken an extra liking to you… You find yourself in a love-triangle with Tom Holland and Chris Evans and all the secrets break out at the MCU Reunion party hosted by RDJ. Oh and it’s a karaoke party!

You entered the garage and found both guys flagging you down. You talk to Tom first.

Warnings: Angst, Alcohol, sexual tension WORD COUNT: 1,037 and I don’t own the gif!

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I tugged on Zendaya’s wrist for guidance. “Well.. Which one do you want to see first? What’s your first instinct?” She asked me as we slowly inched our way through the groups of people. “Honestly,” I start really unsure of my answer but when I come out with it I act fast, “Jake!” I say and gesture to Jake Gyllanhaal who was sitting with Ryan Raynolds, Paul Rudd, and Danai Gurira. Zen shook her head disapprovingly as I dragged her over to our friends. I, on the other hand am laser-focusing on ignoring both of the guys and buying myself time.

Jake sees the two of us run up to the table and he jumps up immediately happy to see us. I make my rounds at the table saying hello to everyone and getting my first real introduction, other than the casual hello on the red carpet, to Paul Rudd. Jake offers up his and Ryan’s seats, to Ryan’s surprise, but Zendaya quickly jumps at the chance to decline politely, “No thanks Jake. (Y/N) and I should really go check on Tom. It looks like he’s getting brutally picked on over there.” It looked like Zen was making my decisions for me and I was okay with it at this moment. “Oh no!” Jake said in his classic soft concerned voice, “My boyfriend! Let me know if I need to beat anyone up!” He said with a laugh and the two of us returned the laughter and Zen guided me away from Jake and over to Tom.

This was it. Time to buck up some courage and test the waters with the both of them. That was the plan and surprisingly now that it was in action my nerves started to dissipate as we greeted the group. Zen greeted everyone first giving everyone a round of hugs. That is, except for Tom who was still jamming out to Scarlett’s rendition of Suit and Tie. He must have related to the song in the moment because he himself was in a suit but he was missing his tie… and about the first 3 buttons of his shirt, exposing his pecks underneath.

Before I got a real chance to say hello to everyone Tom took my hand and twirled me along with his free hand. He guided me closer to him as we danced, I followed his lead swaying my hips to the beat. I let him watch by not acknowledge that he was in fact checking me out. He pulled me in for a hug once he was finished and as we got close I could instantly smell his piney cologne and the beer on his breath as he said hello and let me go. When he did I noticed Zen whispering something into Jacob’s ear and him nodding knowingly while glancing into my direction. I gave her the death glare but she waved me off like it was no big deal. That was how I found out that she had told Jacob everything and I rolled my eyes in response and I turned my attention back to Tom, “How are you, Tommy?” I projected over the music. “Good!” He flashed a cheeky smile, “Now that you’re here!”

I was so taken back by his bluntness and in front of so many potential listeners. My eyes went wide and I addressed Jacob, who had been with him the whole night presumably, “How many has he had?” I asked him and Tom answered instead, “This is only my second. Tonight’s just gonna be a good night. I can feel it.” He said to me in his cocky British accent with a wink and I couldn’t help but blush. The way his hair was falling in his eyes and the energy he was giving off was enough to make me melt. But I was knocked back out of our little bubble when Mackie cleared his throat to make himself known and I instantly realized how rude I was being and I went up to him and Seb for hugs, air kisses, and hellos. However, it was while I hugging Sebastian I looked across the room and found Evans staring down at his drink tensely. I wondered if he watched Tom dance with me and how that might have made him feel.

My jitters set back in and I made an excuse to leave. Turning to Jacob I found that his drink was empty, “Jacob! Looks like you need a refill and I… need a drink. Come with me?” I asked and Zen announced that she need one too so the three of us bee-lined for the bar. I got the attention of the bartender straight away and I ordered my signature drink: a Gin and Tonic with extra lime. “Alright,” I spoke in an interrogating tone, “How long have you known?” I asked Jacob. He had nervous energy from my clearly irritated tone and Zendaya spoke for him as he tripped up his words, “I told him a few days after you told me. You were freaking out so I was freaking out and I needed someone to be my soundboard.” She defended. I took a hefty sip on my G&T and nodded, “Okay. Whatever. I don’t care. Be my soundboard too. What do you think?” I asked him as his drink got delivered. “I-uh-well… I support you with whatever choice you make but I am team Tom. He’s more your type and well.. I think you could be really good for him. After his last girlfriend, he could really use a girl like you.”

I took his words and opinion in and nodded as I took another sip letting the alcohol burn my throat. “Yeah. Yeah… What about Chris? What’s you take there?” I ask and Jacob starts “Well yeah he is older but he’s also like one of the nicest guys ever and I thi-“ He cut himself off and got all wide-eyed. “What? What were you going to say?” I prodded and he blurted out, “Well I think he’s headed right this way. Come on Z lets go!” He said and he rushed away with Zendaya. My heart pounding in my chest. Not daring to turn around.

To be Continued.... (part 3)

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stampedethegod903 · 11 months

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"I got war paint on my canvas, war ready no panic

War cry like magic, ancestors I channel" - StampedeTheGod

Vash Da Stampede's War Paint from Bars N Beats vol. 2

#war paint #vash da stampede #stampedethegod #yung nab #hip hop #conciousness #rap underground #ab soul #spiritual rap #spirituality #music recs #bars n beats vol 2 #tidal #soul #Bandcamp

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steves-on-a-plane · 5 years

Text

Right There

Avengers Endgame Challenge Words: 2921 Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Guest Staring: Brother!Clint Barton x Sister!Reader Requested: Anon Prompt: Bucky Barnes & #18: “Sometimes, the thing you’ve been looking for your whole life is right there beside you all along.” (Guardians Of the Galaxy Vol 2) A/N: This story was one hell of a journey. It took me almost the entire day to write and while the beginning is a little agnsty, the ending is worth it. At least I think so.

“Hey relax. They’re gonna love you.” Your brother, Clint, nudged you playfully. You were walking up the path to the Avengers Compound’s front door together. It was your first day in your new, probably temporary home. A home that Clint had found for you.

“Of course they’ll love me! I’m the better Barton.” You teased.

“Huh, I always thought that was Laura.” He joked with you. “But honestly kiddo you’re looking a little green.”

“It’s probably the morning sickness.” You explained, rubbing your distended abdomen. “Plus it was a long car ride and it’s a pretty winding driveway. I’m feeling a little nauseous.”

“Alright, let’s get you inside. Then you can rest.” Clint swiped his ID badge through a reader adjacent to the front door. He typed a six digit code into the corresponding keypad and the door responded with a pleasant chirp. “Tony told me the others would be waiting for us in the conference room, but we can stop and get you some crackers or something first if you want.”

“Are you sure they’re on board with this? I mean I know you said they were nice people but no one is letting a pregnant stranger live in your high security base of operations nice.” You bit your lip. Clint blinked down at you. Biting your lip had been a nervous habit of yours since you were kids and sometimes it was hard for him to remember that you weren’t that helpless little girl anymore. He just wanted to hold you and tell you everything was going to be all right.

“Listen, [Y/N], you know I’ve never been one for kumbaya or drinking the kool-aid, but we spent a lot of our lives looking for a place where we would belong. It took me marrying Laura and meeting these guys to understand that sometimes, the thing you’ve been looking for your whole life, is right there beside you all along.”

“Are you saying that I should get married and by a farm?” You asked him playfully.

“No.” He offered you a playful smirk back. “I’m saying you have a chance at a fresh start here. Don’t miss out on being happy because your afraid to trust the people around you. People who already accept you for who you are.”

“did you get that off a greeting card or something?” You questioned, jabbing his ribs with one of your index fingers.

“No, that was all me. C’mon they’re waiting for us. Conference room is this way.” He said, waving you towards an offshoot corridor.

It was your third day living with the Avengers. So far the entire team had been nothing but hospitable to you. Each of them tactfully asking you questions about the baby’s due date and if you had any names picked out yet. They were all kind enough not to ask about the baby’s father or the exact details of how you’d come to live at the tower. All they’d been told was that you needed a place to live and with Clint’s three kids, the Barton family farmhouse was a little overcrowded these days.

While you were grateful to have a roof over your head, the idea of living at the compound rent free and responsibility free had not been sitting well with you. Even though the team had all adamantly insisted that you should be getting plenty of relaxation, you couldn’t help but feel restless. You wanted to do something to feel like you were contributing in some way. Even an insignificant way to thank them for helping you out so majorly would make you feel better.

You found your opportunity on Monday morning when you walked into the kitchen to find it looking disastrous. If you hadn’t know the facility was completely secure you would have suspected a battle had occurred in the room. There were coffee grinds everywhere. Across the counter, in the sink and even in the garbage disposal. A mound of dishes was piled from the sink to the nearest counter top and there seemed to be pancake mix cemented onto one corner of the counter island.

After scouring around for a little while you found all the cleaning supplies you would need and set to work. There was a dishwasher, so luckily that meant you didn’t have to scrub all the dishes by hand. You set to work unloading and reloading the dishwasher before doing anything else. The sink had to be empty of dishes before you could exterminate the coffee grinds.

“Do you do laundry to?” Your back was turned to the door and you hadn’t yet learned to identify the individual Avengers by their voices yet, so you turn around with a smile.

“I could get started on that once I’m done in here.” You offered. When you pivoted, you could finally identify the voice owner. “Sergeant Barnes.” You nodded in friendly greeting.

“The formalities aren’t necessary.” He waved you off as he slid into a seat at the breakfast bar. “Just Bucky will do. But I’m afraid I owe you an apology, I didn’t realize it was you, [Y/N]. Stark has maids that come four times a week, I wanted to see about signing up for their laundry service I know they do Steve’s and…”

“It’s all right Bucky.” You assured him. “I meant what I said, I’d be happy to do your laundry. I’ve been looking for things to do for these days.”

“I thought you were supposed to be resting.” He said. “At least that’s what Steve and Stark said when we had the team meeting the day you arrived. Now Rogers I could still take in a fight, but I’m not looking to get on Stark’s bad side or further onto his bad side I should say. He doesn’t like me very much.”

“So, you don’t need someone to do your laundry?” You asked, leaning back against the counter.

“Let’s not talk about me anymore. Tell me about you.” He suggested.

“There’s not much to tell.” You insisted. “What do you want to know?”

“How’s it going, kid?” Clint draped himself in your doorway. He was there for what had by this point become a regularly scheduled visit. You’d been living with the Avengers for a few weeks not and had settled in quite nicely.

“Wasn’t the whole point of me staying here to keep me out of your hair?” You pointed out to him. “You’ve been by three times already this week, Clint. I’m fine.”

“I’m not here just to see you!” He protested. “I’ve been in the area…a lot.”

“It’s nice that you worry about me.” You thanked him. “But these people are your friends and they’re slowly becoming mine too. I’m safe here with them.”

“That’s what you told me about that no good ex-boyfriend of yours too.” He scoffed. “And where is he now?”

“Nice.” You huffed, suddenly hostile. You didn’t like having your mistake tossed back in your face.

“[Y/N], I’m sorry I didn’t mean…” Your brother clearly didn’t know you would take his joke so personally. He tried to apologize but you cut him off.

“Oh, I think you did.” You snapped at him. “Never miss a chance to take a shot do you, Hawkeye? Doesn’t matter if the target is a paper bullseye or your own sister!” You pushed past him and stormed out of the room without giving him a chance to backpedal. Wanting to put as much distance between you and your brother you stomped through the labyrinthine halls of the compound. You quickly wiped away tears as they brimmed over in your eyes, but still your vision became blurry.

“[Y/N]?” You blinked several times trying to place the face of the figure who’d just appeared in the hallway. “I heard you crying, what’s wrong?”

“Bucky.” You sniffled once your vision was cleared enough to see his handsome face properly. “Don’t mind me.” You pleaded.

“Don’t mind?” He repeated. “I can’t ignore my very pregnant friend who’s running down the halls crying.”

“It’s stupid.” You insisted. “Clint just said something he didn’t mean and I’m so emotional these days that it set me off. I’ll be alright.”

“Do you want me to beat him up for you?” He offered with uncertainty.

“That’s very kind, but unnecessary.” You chuckled.

“But I got you to laugh, so that’s something.” He smiled back. “Why don’t we take a walk, it’ll give you a chance to cool down. A nice trip through the garden always works for me. Would you like to join me?”

“I didn’t even know there was a garden.” You told him.

“Then let me be the one to show you around, but it’ll have to be our secret alright?” He said. “Otherwise everyone else will catch on and it won’t be quiet anymore.”

“Secret’s safe with me, Buck.” You promised.

Over the months that followed, you and Bucky continued to develop a close friendship but unlikely friendship. It was unlikely because prior to your arrival at the compound Bucky had made it clear to his fellow Avengers that he wasn’t one for socializing. Yet for some reason he enjoyed your company more than his chosen loneliness. As the two of you grew closer, the others started to take notice. Some were glad that you and Bucky both had someone to talk to while others, like your brother, began to worry.

“Hey, Cap, can I talk to you for a minute?” Clint approached Steve one afternoon while the super solider conducting his afternoon training session.

“You really want to do that right now?” Steve asked before delivering a deft uppercut to the punching bag in front of him.

“Sorry, but you’re a hard man to track down.” Clint shrugged.

“Yeah,” Steve smirked. “I guess I can be. What’s going on, Barton?”

“I want to talk to you about [Y/N] and Barnes. Be honest with me, how worried should I be?” He waited patiently for Steve’s answer.

“You know I forget sometimes, how Buck must look to everyone else.” Steve’s eyes glazed over as he thought of the past. “To me he’s still that kid from Brooklyn, fighting the fights I was too stupid to get myself out of. I think Bucky’s intentions with your sister are entirely honorable, Clint. The Bucky I know, the real Bucky, he’d do anything to protect the people he cares about. And I can tell just by the way he looks at her that she’s special to him.”

“I hope so, Cap.” Clint frowned. “It was just the two of us for a long time, then I met Laura and we had kids. Things happened so fast, I’m afraid I let [Y/N] down in the process.”

“I don’t think that [Y/N] feels that way at all.” Steve shook his head. “Since she’s been living here all she does is talk about how supporting and understanding you’ve been with her situation. She’s grateful to have you in her life Clint, but since you asked my opinion, I think it might be time you stopped treating [Y/N] like your kid sister.”

“I’ll take that under advisement, Cap. Thanks.” Clint nodded. “I’ll let you get back to it.”

“It’s a nice day.” You said, casting your eyes to the sky. The sun was out. The temperature was warm but not too warm. There were clouds in the sky, but only enough to shield from the sun’s strong rays. It was a beautiful day. You and Bucky were sitting together in the rose garden, you usual hangout these days.

“It is.” Bucky agreed, stretching his long legs out. “ Not to put a damper on the mood, but have you given any thought to what you’re going to do once the baby is born?”

“Honestly?” You said, rubbing your very pregnant stomach. “No. The thought of bringing a living thing into the world is terrifying enough that when I think about any future plans, I only make it about as far as the delivery before panicking.”

“Well, I have an idea that might help relieve some of that terror.” Bucky pulled his legs back towards himself so that he was sitting straight up. He turned to look at you, his expression very serious. “Why don’t you move in with me? We could get a place you and me…”

“Buck, I don’t even have a job.” You countered.

“You don’t need a job.” He promised. “I’ll take care of you. We could buy a house near your brother and his family if you want or on the other side of the country. I don’t care, I just know that I don’t want you to go away.”

“Bucky, it’s a very generous offer but It’s not your responsibility to take care of me. It’s not Clint’s job either. I need to take responsibility for my own actions.” You told him.

“I’m sorry.” “Bucky apologized. “I’m not saying that you need someone to take care of you. Of course not. I know how important it is for modern women to feel equal in a relationship and the truth is, [Y/N], you take care of me. You do my laundry. You clean my room. You take walks with me. You talk to me. You understand me and you see me, Bucky Barnes. You don’t look at me and see my metal arm or my scars or any of that. I’m not the Winter Soldier to you. To you I’m just Buck, and I didn’t realize how much that meant to me until the other day when I thought about how I would feel if you went away.”

“I don’t really want to leave you either, Bucky.” You told him. “You’re pretty much the best friend I’ve ever had, and I don’t want to screw that up. I’ve screwed up every relationship in my life except for Clint and his family. And let’s be honest they’re all kind of contractually obligated to love me.”

“Your brother and his family love you genuinely.” Bucky insisted. “And so do I, [Y/N]. I’d do anything for you, because I want you to be happy.”

“Like I said, it’s an extremely generous offer, can I take some time to think it over?” You asked, biting your lip.

“Of course.” Bucky nodded. “It’s an open offer for the rest of your life.” He said very seriously. You quickly thought of a way to graciously excuse yourself from the garden and left Bucky alone on the bench. When you turned to look back at him, he had his head in his hands.

“Ugh not now.” You groaned to yourself. On your way back into the compound your spotted your brother walking out.

“Hey, [Y/N], Nat said you were probably out in the garden with Barnes but here you are.” Clint greeted you with a smile. “Listen I know you’re probably tired of me coming to visit but…wait what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” You sniffled, holding back tears.

“[Y/N], what happened? Was it Barnes?” He demanded.

“No, no!” You jumped in front of him to grab his attention. “listen for a minute.” You then proceeded recount the conversation you’d just had with Bucky.

“I don’t understand what the problem is.” Clint confessed. “He’s been nothing but great to you. Why wouldn’t you say yes?”

“Because I like him. Hell I probably love him.” You explained. “So much that I don’t want to screw it up. It’s bad enough that this kid is stuck with me for the rest of its life. Is it fair for me to drag someone else in?”

“By the sound of things, you’re not dragging anyone anywhere. And you know, it doesn’t have to be some dramatic thing, I’m sure you can stay here. Far as I know, no one has any plans to kick you out any time soon. Do you remember what I said to you when you first came to stay here?” You thought for a minute about what Clint was saying.

“You don’t need anyone else’s permission to be happy, [Y/N].” He added.

“We might not have had an easy life, but I got really luck having you as a brother.” You said, gently elbowing him.

“You sure did.” He agreed, ruffling your hair. You groaned, but he only shrugged. “It’s not cool to elbow a pregnant lady. You’d better got catch up with Barnes before he changes his mind.”

“Don’t joke about things like that!” You shoved him hard. Clint, taken by surprise, fell to the ground as you sprinted towards the garden.

“Buck!” You panted as soon as he was within your sight again.

“[Y/N]? What’s wrong?” He jumped to his feet.

“Nothing.” You tried to wave him off, but he was already at your side, escorting you back onto the bench. “I’m an idiot.” You huffed still trying to catch your breath.

“Don’t be silly, I’m the idiot.” He crouched down so that he could look at you eye to eye. “I should have never sprung something like that on you an expected an answer.”

“Shhhhh.” You pressed a finger against his mouth while you gulped deep breaths. Once you were respirating normally, you explained yourself. Sometimes, the thing you’ve been looking for your whole life, is right there beside you all along. I love you, but I was afraid. Afraid that I’d ruin things afraid that…” You were cut off as Bucky leaned forward, firmly pressing his lips against yours.

“I love you too!” He promised before going back in for another kiss.

*Please feel free to play along and send me some Endgame Challenge Requests!*

#james buchanan barnes #James Barnes #Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes Reader Insert #Bucky Barnes FF #Bucky Barnes Fan Fic #Bucky Barnes Fan Fiction #Avengers Endgame Challenge #Request

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shimokitazawathree · 6 years

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2019 1 04-15

4 Fri

Live Time / Club Time

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projectalbum · 6 years

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All the best. 200. “Accelerate,” 201. “Collapse Into Now,” 202. “Unplugged 1991/2001: The Complete Sessions” by R.E.M.

After exhaustive touring, a greatest hits disc, and a dud album, the lovable lads from Athens, R.E.M., wisely took some time to figure things out before regrouping.

The four-year absence didn’t register with me, as I was collecting the back catalogue during that break. As far as I was concerned, new material was everywhere I looked, filling up my burgeoning record collection as I finished high school and started making my way through college. By the time Accelerate (#200) burst onto the scene in March 2008, I was a junior in film school, about to attend my first documentary festival. I put aside an extra $15 from my work study job to pick up the CD the day of release— the first time I’d been able to perform that record store* ritual for my favorite band. *(Though I didn’t have access to any record stores at the time, so it was likely procured from the closest Wal-Mart.)

Fast, lean, gritty, produced by a guy who goes by “Jacknife,” this set of songs could not be more of a deliberate course-correction from the overly fussy, mid-tempo Around The Sun. Peter Buck’s skills on the axe, often mixed way down on the previous album, here announce Accelerate's punk-ish purpose in the intro to “Living Well is the Best Revenge,” leading off with a dexterous riff before the drums come trampling in. Stipe spits furiously, with the best use of his full-throated tenor since New Adventures in Hi-Fi, and the rare bar to inspire a Fuck Yeah fist-pump: "Don't set your talking points on me / History will set me free / The future's ours and you don't even rate a footnote.” Recorded and released in the tail-end of the Bush years, there are unmistakable references, drawn in anger and in weariness, to the emotional tolls of that reign.

“If the storm doesn’t kill me, the government will,” Stipe muses at the top of “Houston,” a hair over 2 minutes but suffused with poignancy. It’s an acoustically-driven Western-tinged ballad that hearkens back to “Swan Swan H” or “Monty Got A Raw Deal,” but here the drums are splashy and blown-out, the organ serves a bleating counterpoint to the vocal, and bowed electric guitar bleeds through into the verses, serious as storm clouds. The intriguing production choices are what mark it as the Accelerate twist on familiar R.E.M. tropes. The chorus: “Houston is filled with promise / Laredo's a beautiful place / Galveston sings like that song that I love / Its meaning has not been erased” is stirring, as if to absolve the Lone Star state for spawning the political dynasty that led to 2 disastrous presidencies. "Belief has not filled me / And so I am put to the test” are the last words before distortion drowns out the melody like a fatal wave. The song has never left my head.

“Until The Day Is Done” is a more familiar flavor of the band’s earnest political identity— it even ended up scoring a CNN-produced piece on environmental issues. The lyrics approach the first two verses of Leonard Cohen’s “Everybody Knows” in reflecting a distressing capitalist landscape, and to read them is to find that the “business-first flat earthers” have only doubled-down in the decade since the song was released. But the lack of idiosyncrasies leaves us with a folky protest song, and it has a tendency to become oatmeal to the ear, nestled amongst the bolder sonic moments.

By which I mean the muscular guitar sounds and fast n’ furious arrangements on tracks like “Man-Sized Wreath,” “Accelerate,” “Horse To Water”— the revitalized band blowing up the electronic, art school solemnity of the preceding Bill Berry-less records. I remember I once put on Accelerate during a day of recording drive-by b-roll footage with some new coworkers, who enthused, “We were a little worried when you said you were gonna play R.E.M…. but this is really good!” I just glided past the implied criticism and took the positive note.

In early 2011, songs for their follow-up began to be released on YouTube and rolled out by the pop culture press. I’ll admit I was underwhelmed by what I heard. Accelerate’s novelty, its flouting of the band’s cliches, had me expecting another quantum leap in a wild direction. Collapse Into Now (#201) was feeling more like a greatest hits mashup.

“Discoverer” at times sounds like an interpolation of “Man-Sized Wreath” (compare the chorus of the former to the verses of the latter.) That exultant wordless harmonizing on “It Happened Today” is straight from “Belong” on Out of Time (plus special guest Eddie Vedder.) “Blue,” the closing track, takes equal parts New Adventures’ “E-Bow The Letter” (dark grinding minor key, Beat poetry, plus Patti Smith-voiced chorus) and Out of Time's “Country Feedback” (the chords sound similar, and the aching Peter Buck solo is back). I’d never before been able to identify the sonic inspirations so easily. However, for all my creeping dissatisfaction, as a true fanboy I knew the record would grow on me. The prophecy was indeed fulfilled.

The song that most represented the sound of a modern-day R.E.M. was “Mine Smell Like Honey.” It was unmistakably them, with the inscrutable lyrics, Michael in gravel-throated rock mode, a Mike Mills vocal harmony line designed to carry its own trajectory while lifting up the chorus, Buck with an indelible riff that doesn’t show off for its own sake— but it would fit right on modern rock radio in 2011, if that still existed. I had another one of my Best Buy PA system epiphanies, clicking this track into place, proving sometimes you need some huge speakers with good bass to truly experience certain songs. In a similar mode, “That Someone Is You” rockets by in under 2 minutes; a live-in-the-room ode to the feeling of meeting that exciting new person who'll lift you out of the mud.

The mid-tempo balladry is back as well, diversifying the sound from the previous release. In “Oh My Heart,” a direct sequel to “Houston,” Stipe croons a New Orleans spiritual with "a new take on faith," while Buck's mandolin comes out of retirement for another sweet, sad melody, and Mills fills in the mournful choir. As with the song’s predecessor, it’s a high-point in the track listing that moves me whenever I hear it.

Before I had warmed to Collapse Into Now, I comforted myself with the idea that New LP equaled New Tour. I could finally catch my favorite band live! They told the press they had no plans to tour behind the record. Odd, but they were an institution, so they could take a pause. I’d recently witnessed Paul McCartney tearing through his hits in person, and he’d already blown past age 64. Then in September 2011, R.E.M. announced they had decided to “call it a day as a band”— a phrase designed to wave away the idea of Beatles-esque acrimony. I was, you can probably imagine, more than a little heartbroken. The previous tour had come within 2-and-a-half hours of my town back in ’08. At that point in my life, that seemed like a hassle: why not wait, see if they made it a little closer next time? Now, I wish I had put in the extra effort.

With this announcement, the sense of Collapse as R.E.M.’s tribute album to themselves came into focus. Stipe is even waving goodbye, for god’s sake, on the first album cover photo to clearly feature the faces of the whole band since 1985’s Fables of the Reconstruction. "It's just like me to overstay my welcome, bless” he sings with sheepish glee on “All The Best.” Shrouded by the spirit-radio-filtered effect of his “Blue” recitation comes his clearest statement of purpose: "I want Whitman proud. Patti Lee proud. My brothers proud. My sisters proud. I want me. I want it all,” and then Patti Lee (Smith), one of his earliest lead singer inspirations, draws the narrative to a close… before the ringing jangle of opener “Discoverer” reprises and concludes. The book’s been closed shut… but the story of the band’s music continues.

There was the inevitable plundering of the vaults. An over-arching Best Of record, finally combining songs from the I.R.S. and WB catalogues (didn’t buy it), with 3 brand new recordings (they’re ok). Two digital-only “Complete Rarities” collections, encompassing hours of b-sides and soundtrack cuts (lotta great stuff, but this week WB removed all of theirs from Spotify, so I’m pretty perturbed).

In 2014, 3 years into my mourning period, they announced Unplugged 1991/2001 (#202), a 2-CD set of their appearances on the MTV show where bands play intimate, stripped-down acoustic sets… you know, in front of multiple TV cameras capturing every angle. Now this got me excited, maybe more than I had been for their swan song record— Bob Dylan Unplugged, Paul McCartney Unplugged, and The Unplugged Collection Vol. 1 had all got a lot of play in my home through the years. Other than my favorite version of “Half A World Away” closing out the Vol. 1 compilation, and a burned, hand-labeled CD-R I had once glimpsed on a coffee table during a realtor’s house tour, recordings of R.E.M.’s appearance on the show didn’t seem to exist until now. I pre-ordered that bad boy.

The set is a snapshot of two very different eras for the band: Disc 1 features them on the cusp of superstardom fueled by Out Of Time’s success, with the classic lineup of Berry/Buck/Mills/Stipe and support from Peter Holsapple. Disc 2 finds them down to a three-piece, supporting Reveal, a record that never got its due, with their frequent contributors Scott McCaughey and Joey Waronker filling out the sound. “Losing My Religion” is on both discs, of course, from the bright new hit that pumps up the crowd to a warmly-recieved old friend.

The treat in hearing these shows is also two-fold. There’s the way that familiar tunes get adapted to the setting: “It’s The End of the World...” is transformed into a Friday night Americana hoe-down, while “The One I Love” is slowed down to a gritty lament with a slightly varied vocal melody. After the 2nd chorus and an instrumental bridge in “Country Feedback,” Stipe folds lines from Dylan's “Like A Rolling Stone” into the tune, a goosebump-inspiring moment.

Then there’s the added benefit of songs that I’d once slept on revealing their power in the live arrangements. The 2001 show closes with several tracks from Reveal, and free of all electronic touches, the choruses of “Disappear” and “Beat A Drum,” well, revealed themselves to me, becoming new earworms and spawning a personal reevaluation of the album. “Find The River” had once been a pleasant-enough closer on Automatic For The People, but a step down from the iconic “Nightswimming” that precedes it. Now it’s a new favorite, and I’m prone to singing it loud with embarrassing over-earnestness.

With the band truly well and dissolved (and no cynical cash-grab “reunion tours” planned, those damn jerks and their integrity), the repackaging of older material is the only avenue left for unheard R.E.M. music. The studio albums are greeting their landmark anniversaries with special editions: Automatic’s 25th was recently celebrated with various configurations of physical release, including one with a disc of demos and a 5.1 surround sound Blu-ray that I WILL possess one day, damnit! Just this week, their social media team announced a sprawling set of BBC sessions and interviews, hopefully to be made available on streaming services in addition to the fancy 9-disc set (I know, sacrilege in my blog about physical media, but space is at a premium and I haven’t even COVERED the live DVDs and music video collections I already have of these guys).

There’s even a podcast exclusively about the band! The exceedingly silly interplay between Scott Aukerman and Adam Scott was enough to get me to listen to several eps of their previous U2-centric show (a band that I’m fairly positive towards), so "R U Talkin’ R.E.M. RE: ME?,” in which they go album-by-album through the discography, was appointment listening from the jump. I couldn’t help but sprinkle inside jokes from the podcast into my first entry. Fuckin’ stoked!

It’s hard to articulate how much R.E.M.’s music has meant to me. There’s undeniable power in finding art when you’re young and unsteady. To ally yourself with a favorite band, especially one that clearly creates from a place of conscience and empathy, is to find a solid stone floor that supports you when you’re at your most weighted down. It’s easy for me to hold onto nearly 2 dozen discs because there’s so much variety. They could uplift, interrogate the status quo, offer humor or succor or an outlet for the uncertainty we struggle with. Michael Stipe sang about identity, queerness, nature, hypocrisy, anger, tenderness, artists, politicians, outsiders, expressive freedom, and quiet contemplation. These lyrics came from what he saw and felt but they were conjured by the instrumentals constructed by Peter Buck, Mike Mills, and for years Bill Berry. Jangle-rock or country-western or chamber pop or folk or glam or electronica— they busted through genres with grace and power; immutability was not an option. They couldn’t finish a record until Michael had the words; Michael had their blueprint on tape to fill his ears until the images flowed.

“Here’s a little agit for the never believer / Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah / Here’s a little ghost for the offering,” Stipe sang in his 11th hour, one-take performance of “Man On The Moon.” Now I offer a 20-song Document of the R.E.M. songs that mean the most to me at this moment. It nearly killed me to whittle it down, and your favorite probably isn’t on it. The song I just quoted isn’t even on it! But that’s the power of R.E.M., where the subjective experience rules all.

#R.E.M.#michael stipe #peter buck #Mike Mills #Accelerate #collapse into now #unplugged #mtv unplugged #man on the moon #album cover #cd #cd collection #music blog #rock #alternative #pop #album art

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How Sauce Money Became East Coast Hip-Hop’s Silent Witness

Not everyone can break through the glass ceiling. For every transcendent star that sets the world alight, there’s a whole graduating class of aspiring artists they’d once shared mics with that find themselves left in the dust. At a time when New York hip-hop scrambled to meet the rising tide of west coast gangsta rap, the east coast of the mid-to-late 90’s was bustling with talent that were happy to pool their resources and act for the betterment of the genre’s birthplace. Leading the way for the empire state, Bad Boy & Rocafella Records would grow from humble beginnings to become twinned powers and were unified by the close-knit ties between their two flagship stars, Jay-Z and The Notorious B.I.G.

Repping Bed Stuy and Marcy respectively, these Brooklynites became the two defining voices of the time. But even though the dust has settled and Big has been gone for 23 years, there are those who still have grievances to air from that whirlwind of an era. In the wake of Diddy’s speech at the 2020 Grammy’s that placed an onus on providing an “even playing field” for black artists, one dissenting voice from his past couldn’t help but point out the apparent hypocrisy.

Sauce Money at Jay-Z concert, 2006 – Johnny Nunez/WireImage/Getty Images

“Just watched Diddy Icon acceptance speech at the Recording Academy and I can honestly say I respect the message, just not coming from him,” proclaimed BK veteran Sauce Money on Instagram. “He practices the same backdoor politics against his own people.” Not content to stop there, the tenured MC broadened his scope to issue a stark warning to both Sean Love Combs and Hov himself, stating “Him and his friend Jay-Z. If the Grammys are on the clock, then ya’ll are too!”

Without prior knowledge of Sauce Money’s legacy, this could be chalked up to nothing more than a disgruntled older rapper sniping at an icon a la Lord Jamar. But if anyone is qualified to speak on the ecosystem of 90’s east coast hip-hop and beyond, it’s Sauce. From 1991 onwards, Marcy Projects’ Todd Gaither has carved out what could appear to be a relatively innocuous career. Always in the relay team but never the frontrunner, his decision to lay low for much of the past decade has downplayed how indispensable he was at certain points in the journeys of more commercially and critically-esteemed artists.

Like Sean Carter, whom he first met at the age of 13, Sauce Money was initially thrust into the spotlight by way of an endorsement from the legendary Big Daddy Kane. Armed with a commanding rasp that bear similarities to that of Raekwon, Daddy’s Home single “Show & Prove” was an intergenerational endeavour from Sauce’s then-manager that gave him, Hov, Shyheim, Big Scoob and the Wu’s Ol Dirty Bastard a chance to shine.

After spitting his first ever verse in front of Jay, the two rappers/hustlers were doing their utmost to get their presence felt but, as he informed DJ Vlad, noone could “see the vision.” Fast-forward to two years later and Jay had grown weary of waiting for the industry’s green light and facilitated his own come-up on his classic debut album Reasonable Doubt. Laden with quotable bars and a typically timeless Preemo beat, Sauce’s lyrically astounding performance on “Bring It On” remains one of the keystones of his legacy to this very day. That said, the track’s hallowed status doesn’t mean that there’s any love lost between him and Jaz.

“He’s a piece of shit,” he declared in 2012. “Without getting too much into it, he’s a twofaced kind of n***a. He’ll backbite with you about a n***a then we get with the n***a, he’ll do the same.” Unsurprisingly, Jaz-O was aggravated by Sauce’s remarks and has since vowed to “punch him in the face” for this sleight and other comments he’s made over the years.

Across Jay’s next two projects— In My Lifetime Vol 1 & Vol 2… Hard Knock Life, the always welcome Sauce Money guest spot would become a recurring trope on “Face Off” and the Erick Sermon-produced “Reservoir Dogs.” Capable of wizardry with the pen, it was this reputation for conjugating stunning verses that granted Sauce a platinum opportunity. Despite it being one of the most solemn moments for his borough and hip-hop culture at large, Sauce’s most commercially successful offering came when he was drafted in to write Puff Daddy’s verses for the Grammy-winning “I’ll be Missing You.”

“It was going to be difficult at that time to open up and eulogize a good friend,” Sauce told Genius in 2016. “For whatever reason, he [Hov] reached out to me and said ‘I’m going to introduce you to Puff.’ I remember going to the studio and sitting down with him, I didn’t know which record it was at the time.” With Puff historically comfortable with the checks but less adept at the rhymes, Sauce’s name is found on the official credits as opposed to being enlisted as a ghostwriter.

“It was bittersweet,” he continued. “I’m still affected by Big’s death but having the chance to participate in something like this. It was an honour. He just wanted to capture some of the things they did, the conversations they had…I made sure that I walked him through it and got as close to the rhythms as he could. He did a great job.”

Memphis Bleek and Jay-Z on the red carpet of a movie premiere, 2000 – SGranitz/WireImage/Getty Images

Although Jay had been instrumental in presenting him to Puff and mainstream audiences alike, Sauce Money wasn’t part of the Roc-A-Fella dynasty in the official capacity that Beans or Memphis Bleek would be. Operating under the tutelage of former Orlando Magic player Dennis Scott, an appearance on the Combat Jack Radio Show saw Sauce reveal that he’d actually been an offered a deal with Atlantic when Jay was still getting rebuffed by the majors. Opting to sign to MCA Records but still informally linked to the ROC camp, Sauce’s next few years would be fraught with roadblock after roadblock. Yet for all that they’d styled themselves as an everlasting monarchy in hip-hop that’d span generations, there was one MC from Marcy that had always detected impermanence.

“I was gone early, but from the time that I was there, I didn’t see how it could last,” Sauce told ForbezDVD. “If nothing else, just for a business move on Jay’s behalf because it’s like ‘ok, we’ve reached a certain plateau.’ Jay’s a very ambitious person and it’s only right that he should be able to eat totally off himself and not break up his money three ways. ‘Cause at the end of the day, he’s the one that’s carrying the shit.”

No matter how structurally unsound Roc-A-Fella was by the turn of the millennium, Sauce was flagging too. As his record deal unravelled, Sauce Money set a course for pastures new. However, it proved to be too little too late for his debut project Middle Finger U.

Armed with two Hov features in the form of the brooding “Pregame” and “Face Off 2000” his long-awaited studio project arrived in November 1999. Helmed by an all-star assembly of producers that featured Juice Crew progenitor Marley Marl, DJ Clark Kent and DJ Premier, the album’s title track caused unexpected friction with another legendary New York artist in Big Pun. Complete with the line “Did you hear? I’m the fattest, nicest n***a you know,” Punisher and the Terror Squad had misinterpreted the line as a diss and as a result, DJ Whoo Kid’s placement of the track led to him having an uzi pulled on him by the late Puerto Rican in Harlem.

His lyrical skill notwithstanding, Sauce is candid about the album delays and how they’d diminished the cultural relevance that it may have had otherwise. “I was having problems with MCA, so I moved the project to Priority. Like I said, it was two years late. There was a lot of other things that went into that situation that I won’t mention,” Sauce told Vlad TV. “The timing was bad, some of the material was a little dated to me. Even though I did have some good songs on it, the timing of it, the separation, everything played a part in that. It was impossible for it to do anything good.”

Left deflated by the middling response, Sauce would turn his attention towards his lucrative ghost-writing business, penning plenty “songs you love” but keeping discretion as to for who. But over the past year, a new, more embittered side of Sauce Money has begun to seep out into the public eye. In March of last year, the Brooklyn MC emerged from his self-imposed hiatus and with a renewed fire in his belly. Implored to act due to the “sucker shit” that Diddy had allegedly been partaking in, Sauce unveiled a diss track that took Puff to task in eloquent but foreboding fashion. As well as claiming that he’d kept “my mouth shut, but I guess it wasn’t good enough,” Sauce issued a stern warning to the Bad Boy CEO that didn’t skimp on intensity.

“Should’ve flamed your ass in ’06/Did the drugs make you forget, who it was who wrote your biggest hit,” Sauce spits on the track. “N***a my pen the reason you the shit, you are crossing a thin line about 10 times/Shorten my bag, now I gotta go in mines with you in mind.”

Promising that’ll “only get worse from here” as the beat tapers off, there’s every possibility that his comments about Diddy’s Grammy’s speech could be the overture to another diss track that he’s been sitting on for a rainy day. However, what’s even more uncharacteristic about his most recent outburst is the fact that his long-time friend Jay-Z wasn’t merely caught in the crossfire, but was an active target. Adamant that Jay actively “toned it down” for mainstream listeners and had a “disgusting flow” from his earliest years, Sauce and Hov’s relationship has had its fair share of tumultuous moments but it’s nothing that their bond couldn’t overcome.

Diddy and Biggie performing, 1995 – Raymond Boyd/Getty Images

“We family,” he assured Vlad in March 2019. “I’m not gonna make diss records and put them on the internet, that’s corny to me. Me and Jay don’t always get along. We bump heads y’know? But if I have an issue or he has an issue, we talk to each other.” So, when he held this opinion just 9 short months ago, what’s caused this change in tact that’s made Sauce Money willing to admonish his brother before the world’s prying eyes?

Well, if we can get speculative for a minute, it’s hard not to take notice of the close proximity between Sauce’s first barb that’s been directed in the way of the Roc Nation president and the release of his adversary Jaz-O’s first single on the label just one day prior. Formerly content to operate behind-the-scenes, all signs point to Sauce Money harbouring a renewed desire to take his rightful spot in New York’s hip-hop mythology. Or at the very least, root out falsehoods in hip-hop. Now rallying against the same music industry inner-workings that had extinguished his chances to be a star in his own right, it’s safe to say that this won’t be the last we hear from the Marcy Projects veteran in 2020.

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