#bc he was making a movie and starring in it and he was holding auditions at my university

[evansbby]

I WANNA HEAR ABOUT THE DREAM TELL ME

OKAY SO

I’m gonna say it in the tags cos it’s less embarrassing ajdjsjsjka

[illicitlimerence-writes]

lost in japan | m. schumacher

pairing: mick schumacher x vettel!reader word count: 5.5k words request: yes by anon: “could you please write an imagine where mick and reader have a crush on each other but whenever they're together they always get shy or flustered and it's all cute and stuff?” & “may i please have some crumbs of vettel!reader and mick slowly catching feelings for one another and seb is in the front row eating popcorn watching as it unfolds” warnings: language, time jumps (i tried my best with the years and ages (reader and mick are the same age)). also! again! seb’s age makes no sense here!!!!!!!!!!! another thing, i know cherry blossom season is in march-may but let’s pretend it’s also in september-october okay byeeee. a/n: it is 4:30 am and i just finished this, kinda glad bc it confirms my theory that i work best during the night. 

my masterlist 

meeting him was the beginning of everything. 

there was nothing special about their first meeting, but her life would change completely from that moment on.

she always wanted to go with her father to his races, she loved that her dad was so passionate about the sport, everytime he returned home he’d explain everything to her, she always had a million questions. 

so, when she was eleven years old, in 2010, she joined her father, sebastian, for the first time. they traveled to monaco, a track that his father loved and could potentially give him the lead of the championship if he were to win it. 

age 11, 2010.

she held her father’s hand and looked at everything surrounding her. everything was so big and shiny and new to her. 

“woud you look at that?” a tall man said as they walked the paddock. he had a big smile on his face, she recognized him.

“dad, that’s your friend!” she said, pointing at the man. 

“yes, darling, that’s my friend, michael,” seb looked down at her, smiling.

“hi, michael!” she waved her hand, the older german ruffled her hair in return.

“it’s great to finally meet you, and see you here. is this your first time here?” 

“yeah! i’ve always wanted to see this in real life,” her smile was big as she looked at the teams’ motorhomes around her.

“and what’s your first impression?”

“i don’t think i want to leave,” she giggled, looking up at her father.

“well, i’ll let you get back to your tour. but when you have some free time make sure to stop by the mercedes garage, okay? i think my son could use a friend,”

“ah, you’ve brought mick with you?” sebastian asked, his friend nodded. “then he’ll have to come to the dark side, cause my kid is not going anywhere near that garage,” he shook his head, as both his friend and his daughter laughed. 

“we’ll figure it out, these two need to meet, though.”

okay, maybe meeting him did have something special about it. a thought ran through her mind, maybe they’d grow to be as close as their fathers. 

-

age 22, 2021.

“hey kid,” she froze, eyes widening as she turned around.

“dad!” she wrapped her arms around her father, closing her eyes as she hid her face in his chest. “what are you doing here?”

“good to see you’ve missed me, you haven’t called in so long i thought you’d forgotten about me.”

“it was only three days, dad. but i’m so sorry, it’s just… i’ve been busy here, and with the schedules and time difference, i-”

“it’s okay. i’m just happy to know you’re alright,” he smiled, ruffling her hair. 

“i am. i am, it’s… kinda hard to believe that this is finally happening,”

“well after all these years and all your hard work, you deserve this, my love,” he threw an arm over his daughter’s shoulders, holding her close.

after endless classes, auditions, she was finally about to star her first movie as the lead actress. when she was about thirteen an idea got to her head, and it was impossible to get it out. she took as many acting classes as she could, even left her home when she was seventeen to fly overseas and hopefully get more opportunities to be in the spotlight. 

it didn’t surprise sebastian, that his daughter would find her passion in acting. when she was little she used to always set up plays where she portrayed every role, most times recreating a disney movie she’d seen that day. he trusted her. he knew that a child’s dream had to be supported as much as possible, just like his own parents had done with his. 

distance had been difficult at first, but once her first roles started coming, once she started to get so busy she barely had time to sleep, she knew it was all worth it. her first roles were small, but slowly, she caught people’s attention. casting directors, actors she’d worked with were asking to work with her again. it was simply out of this world.

“i- but dad… don’t you have a race this weekend?” she said, walking through the different sets of the studio until she reached her trailer. she was in the middle of shooting, but sebastian arrived just in time since she was about to take a break. 

“yeah, that’s why i’m here. i’d like you to come with me,” 

“dad,” she smiled. it had been years since she stepped foot in the f1 paddock, she remembered when her entire life revolved around that sport, when she wanted to know every detail there was to know about it… that’s not to say that that wasn’t the truth anymore, but her passion for the sport moved aside, leaving space for what would become her job, her favorite thing in her life. of course, she still followed the sport, tried to not miss any races, supporting her father, her favorite person and biggest inspiration. 

“come on, i know you have the weekend off,”

“how did you-” she frowned

“your mother,” he answered. she sighed, but smiled after a second.

“okay. i’ll go”

-

a beautiful ‘before and after’ picture would be created later on the weekend, as she walked side by side with her father down the f1 paddock. just like she’d done when she was little. she was getting deja vu. she was happy she’d decided to join her dad, they didn’t spend as much time together as of lately, but this weekend she was determined to make the most of their time together.

as they walked, sebastian was catching her up on everything she’d missed since the last time she was there, which was about two years ago. she knew some things from speaking with him, and from the things she saw online, but there was nothing like seeing it all in real life. 

they were stopped several times, by fans, journalists, and even people who knew her since she was just a kid. mechanics, engineers, and other team members from both red bull and ferrari.

then, someone caught up to them, embracing sebastian and smiling, her father patted the young man on the back,  keeping a hand on his shoulder once they separated.

“all good?” sebastian asked, the younger blonde nodded, noticing her.

“(y/n)?” he asked, his eyes drifting back and forth between the father-daughter pair. sebastian smiled at the way mick’s eyes widened. he knew it.

she nodded, frowning as she couldn’t quite name the person infront of her. 

“it’s been so long, how have you been?” he asked, smiling.

that was it.

she recognized that smile.

age 11, 2010.

contrary to the previous days, that saturday afternoon, she found herself watching the qualifying session with company. of course, the day before she hadn’t been completely alone, but she wasn’t with people she knew that well.

seb had meant his words, his daughter couldn’t leave the red bull motorhome, not because he didn’t allow it, but because he didn’t trust anyone to really take her through the paddock to the mercedes garage. so, corinna schumacher and her kids, mick and gina, went to find the young girl. 

‘michael, his wife and kids, you can trust them.’ those had been her father’s words before introducing her to them. 

she’d been quite shy at first, keeping to herself and just staring at the screens. she’d already had all of her questions answered during the first two practice sessions, but quali was different. she didn’t get it. 

mick noticed her small frown, and he turned to his mother, who was busy staring at the screens showing michael’s data. 

“mom,” he called, the woman turned to him, running her fingers through his hair, making a mental note to take him to get a haircut soon. “she’s upset,” he said. “why?”  

“well, i don’t know. why don’t you ask her? maybe you can help her feel better.” mick turned his head back, pursing his lips, then nodded.

he walked to the young vettel girl, standing behind her. but he couldn’t figure out how to talk to her. then, he heard her talking to herself.

“why is it only eighteen minutes?” she huffed, her eyes glued to the moving cars.

“are-are you mad?” mick asked her, not thinking twice about his words, or how he could’ve startled her. she jumped, moving to the side and looking back at him.

“what?” she asked.

“are you… upset?” he tried again, raising his eyebrows, he didn’t know why he felt nervous talking to her.

“no. yes. i- i don’t know,” she said, looking back at the wall of screens in front of her. “dad said ‘see you in an hour’, but the clock says there’s only fifteen minutes left,” she pointed.

“oh!” he said, “that’s just the end of q1,” he continued, but she stared at him only with confusion in her face. “sorry, qualifying is divided in three, q1, q2, and q3,” he started, she nodded.

“i know that, but-”

“all qualifying sessions last different times, and when you add it all up it takes about an hour, a little longer sometimes,” he explained, “i know it can be confusing, but that’s why i’m here! and my mom and my sister. we’re here to take care of you. that’s what my dad said,”

“thanks, that’s… nice.”

“you’re welcome. and… i know that our dads are friends. so… maybe we’ll be like them when we grow up!” mick smiled, and her eyes drifted down to his lips, he had a nice smile. she could still see it in her head seconds after, that was a smile she’d never forget.

“i was thinking the same thing.”

–

age 22, 2021.

“mick?” she asked, eyes wide. “no way, you made it to f1?” she asked, eyeing his shirt and cap.

“finally,” he smiled, she chuckled, she remembered hearing him talk non-stop about one day being like his father. she was happy he’d finally reached that dream.

“congratulations! i- that’s amazing!” she smiled, “why didn’t you tell me? any of you?” she asked, looking from her old friend to her father.

“well, you’ve barely had time to pick up the phone and say hi, i didn’t even get a chance,” sebastian shrugged. she turned to mick, raising an eyebrow.

“well i… you know… we haven’t talked in a long time and… i didn’t think you’d care,”

“oh, come on! it’s me! i’ve known you… forever!” she was genuinely shocked that she’d missed this news, “you know you can tell me anything-”

“yeah, she’ll just answer three days later,” her father butted in.

“but i’ll answer,” she defended herself, “anyway, as i was saying before being rudely interrupted, doesn’t matter how much time passes, i’m here for you, yeah?” she smiled, trying to think when the last time they’d spoken was. too long ago.

“got it, and… same goes to you,” he grinned too, and she was immediately transported back to her teenage years. “i have to go, but it was great seeing you, you’re staying the whole weekend?” he raised his eyebrows, smiling as she nodded, “great, guess i’ll see you around,” 

she nodded again, waving her hand at him, but he took a step closer to her, moving to wrap his arms around her, she was caught off guard, but slid her hands around his waist in return. 

“good luck,” she told him, watching him walk away after he said goodbye to sebastian. she turned to her father, and frowned. “what?”

“anything i should know?”

“what?” she asked, seb raised his eyebrows.

“you’re… flustered,” he noticed, she rolled her eyes.

“i’m not,” she grunted, pushing him with her shoulder. seb chuckled, walking beside her, “everything used to be so big,”

“it’s all the same, you just grew up,” he smiled, a nostalgic smile.

“don’t get emotional,” she chuckled.

“you and mick…” seb started, “what… what happened between you two?” 

“what do you mean?” 

“well, one day you wre hanging out, the next it’s like you never knew each other.”

“i don’t know, i mean… i still consider him my friend, you know? like… he was a big part of my adolescence and i just… got busy. but, so did he. i’ve followed his career, well, i must’ve messed up somewhere along the way since i missed the news that he was in f1.”

“maybe this weekend you guys can work on that,” he suggested as they reached the aston martin hospitality. “i’m sure he’s missed you. he always asks me about you,”

“really?” she asked, taking one last look behind her shoulder, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, but he was nowhere in sight.

“every weekend.” seb nodded. “he’s a good kid. you two have my blessing, you know? in case you both ever want to… you know.”

“dad!”

-

age 23, 2022.

seoul had always been one of her favorite cities. the culture, the people, the different traditions compared to what she was used to from living in europe for so long. it was always special when she was there. 

but that night, she wasn’t as ecstatic about being there. 

not when he was so near yet so far at the same time.

it was pathetic, really, to be that infatuated with someone. she’d lived many years without him in her life, and it only took him one weekend to turn her life upside down. 

mick and her father were in japan, it was the last time sebastian would race there, and her stomach hurt at the fact that they were really close, but she was stuck in south korea for the press junket of her first movie, a little over a year’s work was finally ready for the world to see. 

to say that she was stuck would be an exaggeration, she’d arrived a few days before to get used to the time difference, she didn’t have to be there until wednesday, and it was currently monday. and all she wanted to do was get out of there. 

she was being dramatic.

but she did wish she could be there with him. 

her phone rang, and she ran to the bed, picking it up. she smiled as she picked up the call.

“hey,” she said, a smile appearing on her face before even hearing his voice, just reading his name in the contact was enough to turn her stomach upside down, to make her heart beat at high speed.

“hi, i didn’t know if you were busy, i-”

“no, i’m free,” she bit her lip, “how’s japan?”

“well, i actually haven’t had the chance to check it out, i’ve been sleeping all day,” he chuckled, she let herself fall on the hotel bed, looking up at the ceiling.

“tired?”

“not anymore,” he laughed, which made her chuckle, too. “and you? have you explored seoul yet?”

“ah, well that’s the plan. that’s why i got here a few days before necessary,” she explained.

“oh, that’s nice, i’m sure there’s a ton of things to do there,” mick said, his voice sounding lower than before.

“yeah,” she sighed, “tokyo sounds great right now, though.”

“so does seoul.”

“what a tragedy we are,” she chuckled, biting her lip. “if only… there was a way to solve this,”

“switch places?” mick joked, though there was nearly no humor in his voice.

“maybe… we could get lost in japan.”

“we?"

"you're two hours away," she whispered, standing up and walking to the window, the sun was starting to go down, the best of seoul's night life would be starting soon. "i'm only a couple hundred miles away,"

"do you want to get lost in japan?" he asked, and she could hear the smile on his face.  

"let's get lost."

-

age 22, 2021.

she felt like a little kid again. she remembered the thrill and excitement the pre-race brought, but living it as an adult, after years and years being away from this world, it felt like living it for the first time. 

watching her father get ready, she thought about how lucky she was to have him. he’d taught her to fight for her dreams and not give up until she achieved them, to love people with kindness and give back whenever she could.

there were cameras all over the place, something she’d gotten used to. her eyes shifted from her dad, who was talking to the mechanics, to the screens on the side of the garage. 

after a few seconds, she saw herself. she smiled at her ‘reflection’, turning to the side until she spotted the camera, giving it a small wave before looking back to the screen. she saw herself doing that, then the broadcast changed from her, to mick. who was also smiling at the screen, and the delay allowed her to watch him smile at her. 

she looked down, feeling her face getting flustered. she and mick had been rekindling their friendship that weekend, catching up when he had free time, remembering the days when the paddock was their playground. it was easy and she was happy that they’d had the chance to do it, she felt bad for losing touch with him years ago. 

“it’s time,” her father said, walking to her. she smiled, hugging him. 

“good luck and fight hard,” she said, watching his eyes light up as he recognized those words. the same words she told him the day of her first f1 race. 

after watching her dad step in the car and wait until he drove away, she stood up and walked down the paddock, sneaking into a different garage. 

mick was zipping up his suit, adjusting the velcro strap. her lips curled up as she watched his concentrated face, his eyebrows furrowed as he seemed to be in deep thought. a second later, he turned his head to his side, and he had to do a double take to make sure he was really seeing her there. 

she smiled sheepishly now that she’d been caught, she took one careful step in, relaxing as he walked to her. 

“hey,” she said, smiling wider. “just wanted to wish you good luck,”

“thank you,” he grinned, a light pink tint creeping on his cheeks, “i’m really gonna need it,” he exhaled deeply.

“you’re gonna do great,” she reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “come here,” she pulled him closer, giving him what was supposed to be a quick hug, but he wrapped an arm around her back, keeping her there for longer than what was deemed appropriate. “i know this place brings back a lot of memories, but just enjoy it. it’s your first time here, racing in f1, your dream. you got this, mick.”

after the race she went to the pit lane, hugging her dad, but spotting another blonde german behind him.

“i’ll be right back, dad,” she told him, making her way to mick. “hey, that was so cool. congrats on finishing your first monaco race,” she hugged him, feeling his arms around her back. 

“your dad is watching us. he’s smiling really weird, make him stop, please,” he pleaded, and she turned around to see her dad raise his eyebrows. she rolled her eyes, smiling sheepishly at mick.

“it sometimes feels as if he’s the kid. i should go. i’ll talk to you later,” she raised on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

-

age 23, 2022.

she’d landed in tokyo. the city was filled with lights, skyscrapers, and she never wanted to leave. she’d told her dad about her plans, and had arranged a dinner for the three of them. she was the first to arrive, and was waiting for the two drivers to get there. the place was packed, but of course they’d given priority to sebastian vettel and his daughter. her booth was away from the rest of the other tables, it felt closed off and she was glad the place was good for talking. it would be good for catching up with them.

it was night, and she was feeling quite tired after a hectic and busy day, but she had limited time before having to jump back to her own responsibilities. she wanted to make the most of her free time. 

footsteps caught her attention, she looked up, a happy smile on her face.

“mick!” she jumped up from her seat, wrapping her arms around him in a tight embrace. it had been about a month since she last saw him, but she missed him as if it had been years. “how have you been?”

“i’m good, you?” he asked, pressing a kiss to her cheek as his way to say hi. 

“same. i… on my way here i was thinking that maybe… i was overreacting, and that i could’ve just come here after the race and-”

“no, i- it’s fine. actually i- as soon as i landed i just knew that you’d love this place if you were here. so i guess i- i’m glad that you wanted to get lost-” they both smiled at his words, “with me.” the concept of ‘getting lost’ in a new place fascinated her, to be so mesmerized and hypnotized by the people and the little markets and stores, that you forget about time, responsibilities. 

she smiled at him, nodding, she sat back in her place, with mick in front of her. 

“oh, great, i thought i was late,” mick said, sitting in front of her, “your dad’s always pestering me about being on time, and look at him, or- well, you know, you can’t because he’s not here.” he continued, “shutting up now.” he raised his hands as she laughed.

just at that moment her phone rang. 

“sorry,” she excused herself as she picked up her phone. “dad?”

“hey, kid, so… i won’t be able to make it tonight. some last minute thing with the team came up. but! you two enjoy a nice dinner, catch up, behave and use protection,” he rushed the last few words before hanging up. 

she was left with wide eyes and heat creeping up her cheeks, she shyly looked over at mick, thinking about how to explain what her father just said.

“what did he say?” mick asked, still so confused about everything happening.

“um… dad’s not coming, um, he said we should have a nice time and catch up.”

“oh… well, that’s alright with me, if…” he started, raising his eyebrows as he waited for her answer.

“yeah, i- yeah, let’s do it, we’re already here.” she smiled, pushing aside her nerves, reminding herself who she’s with. it’s mick. sweet, kind, thoughtful mick. her friend mick.

mick, who was staring at her with those big, bright blue eyes that took her breath away.

they talked, ate, drank wine and felt as if they were the only people in the world. conversation flowed easily with him, and the best part was that he really seemed interested in watever she was saying, he asked questions, gave suggestions and advice. and when it was his turn to talk, it took everything in her not to swoon right then and there. he spoke with such confidence and eloquence, softly. and even used his hands to emphasize important points.

they had to be basically thrown out of the restaurant, since they’d stayed thirty minutes past their closing time already. but that ddn’t mean they had to go their separate ways. they walked the streets of tokyo, side by side, speaking lowly as to not disturb the people sleeping, even though it seemed that no one was in their homes, since there were lots of people enjoying the nightlife. but it never crossed either of their minds to do anything other than walk and talk, and laugh and smile. mick took his jacket off when he noticed her skin got goosebumps after a particularly strong gust of wind, draping it over her shoulders, his heart stopped at the soft sigh that left her throat as she felt the comforting warmth enveloping her. 

shy smiles and hidden looks when the other was unaware seemed to be their favorite way of communication. their eyes spoke all the words neither of them was ready to speak, perhaps because they didn’t yet know what they were feeling, or couldn’t figure out a way to express it.

he walked her to the hotel, at some point during their walk his hand had found hers.

he’d pulled her close to him, hiding in an alley to avoid a group of drunk men approaching them. it was probably nothing, but mick had been quick to think of a way to avoid them. she’d pressed a hand against his chest, looking up at him as he pressed a finger to her lips, telling her to be quiet. once they passed, and after a few seconds of silence, in which they stared at each other, he leaned down to press a kiss to the side of her head, tugging at her hand to keep walking. she licked her lips, biting her bottom one to try and stop the tingling sensation she was feeling. 

they hadn’t let go, not that either of them wanted to. but as she looked down to their joined hands, once they reached the door leading to his hotel room, she realized she never wanted to let him go. 

he blushed under her stare, tapping his thumb against the back of her hand as he moved his hand back. since her decision to travel to japan had been a really sudden one, most hotels had been booked for the grand prix, and mick had insisted she stayed with him, claiming to have more than enough room for the two of them. 

-

the next day, they woke up early. it was their only full day they had together in japan, and they were both more than ready to get lost in beautiful tokyo. 

their first stop was an electronic store, where she bought an instant camera to capture their adventures of the day. after that they went to have breakfast at a famous cat cafe, which mick was dreading. it’s not like he hated cats, but he was a dog person, and the few times he’d interacted with cats they ended up scratching him, hissing at him or just ignoring him. not this time, a cat immediately crawled in his lap, claiming it as his seat for the day.

he smiled as she took a picture of him and the cat, and he noticed the way her lips curled up softly as she looked at the developed photograph.

that day would go down as one of her favorite days, an entire day with someone who made her feel special, who was almost as excited as she was about doing all the basic tourist stuff.

“i think we really are lost,” mick said, as he stopped in his tracks, making her stop as well. once again, her hand was in his. neither of them noticed when it happened, it just did. but they were both aware of how natural and right it felt. 

“we just have to take a right turn,” she pointed.

“you’re sure?” he raised his eyebrows.

“that’s what the lady said,” she nodded, taking a few steps and dragging him behind her. “see? i told you we’d- whoa!” she whispered, looking at the huge park in front of her, filled with big cherry blossom trees. “mick, look at this,” she tugged on his hand running towards the park. she let go of him as she rushed deeper into the park.

“it’s beautiful,” he said, watching her wide eyes take everything in. she looked beautiful. a big smile on her face as she saw all the trees, the pink flowers. 

“come here, i want to take a picture of you,” she said, making him pose in front of a tree. in the middle of the photograph stood mick, with his signature grin on, and everything behind him was pink. 

“your turn,” he declared once the picture developed. he waited for her to decide how she wanted her picture, but she was simply so taken aback by the beauty of this place, that he decided to capture her like that. with her looking up at the trees, a smile on her face. she didn’t notice him until he was shaking the photograph, and she smiled wide at the gesture. that’s when he snapped a second picture.

“mick!” she laughed, taking the camera from him, he slid an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close as he shook the picture with his free hand. 

“hold on,” he said, walking to a girl about their age, he asked her to take a picture of the two of them. once he returned to her side, his arm returned to its previous place, bringing her close to him as she slid an arm around his back. before the girl took the picture he looked at her, which caused her to look up at him. they both smiled at the same time, and that’s when the girl took the picture. 

after an entire day out on the streets of tokyo, they went to a sushi restaurant, nothing fancy, just what looked to be like a family-owned business. 

“thank you for spending this day with me,” she said, taking a sip from her water. her throat was dry, her feet ached and her makeup probably needed more than just a touch-up. “i loved every second of it.”

“hey, you don’t need to thank me. i- i really enjoyed this day as well, i felt… free,”

she nodded, sharing the same feeling.

“besides i- i don’t think there’s anyone that i’d rather get lost with, other than you,” he smiled, his hand reaching for hers. she let him intertwine their fingers together, she’d gotten used to the feeling of his hand on hers.

“i feel the same way,” she said shyly, and it was not her turn to watch him get flustered under her stare. 

once they reached their hotel, with the moon and neon lights illuminating the city, they sat on the balcony to look at the pictures they’d taken throughout the day, with a sharpie in hand to write small notes underneath. they watched the cars passing by, head the sounds a big city like tokyo made. when she got cold, instead of getting her a blanket, mick offered to keep her warm, she sat between his legs, with his arms around her.

“this one is my favorite,” she said, smiling at the picture of the two of them standing in front of the cherry blossoms.

“mine too,” he tightened his arms around her. she leaned her back against his chest, looking up at him.

“what should we name it?” she asked.

“hmm, i’m not sure,” he replied, staring deeply into her eyes. “would ‘lost in japan’ be too obvious?” he asked.

“maybe,” she chuckled. “i know i’ve already said it but… i just wanted to thank you. i really- i can’t describe how much i loved getting lost with you.”

“and i already told you, i only want to get lost with you. and you know what the best part about getting lost is?”

“what?” she asked, leaning her head against his shoulder.

“being found. i- i want… i want to be the person you get lost with, and the one to find you. i want to explore the world by your side, and be consumed by the beauty of it, at the same time as i’m learning more about myself… and about you.”

“mick-”

“i’ve liked you, for so long. i think you were my first crush since back in the day. the years when you went away, when we lost touch, i’d convinced myself that i’d lost you forever, and would only have to know about you through your dad. but after last year… in monaco, when i saw you i just knew. i couldn’t let you go again. and i’ve loved every moment, every conversation we’ve shared since that weekend, i’ve loved getting to know you, and knowing that the kid i knew is still in here,” he tapped her chest, where her heart was, with one finger. “and getting lost with you these few days has been the best choice i’ve ever made. i not only got lost in this place… i also got lost in you. in your mind, your ideas and dreams. it’s like a paradise.”

she cut his words off by placing her lips on his. after years, they were both admitting that this thing between them was more than just a friendship, that the reason they couldn’t get the other out of their minds wasn’t just because they were good friends. 

getting lost might have been the best decision they ever took. and having the right partner to get lost with. with the promise that they’d find each other during each adventure.

[hologramcowboy]

I do believe Jensen is trying but it may not be enough. It’s obvious that he’s struggling to get the roles and work that I think he THOUGHT he would have. He changed agents in 2019 and used the Bacchus King, Nascar and Vancouver soccer events as PR to elevate his image before spn ended.

Jared bowed out of that soccer tourney to give Jensen the solo PR.

He auditioned for the voice of Batman in an open casting process in 2018 and landed a series of three animation movies which he recorded bt 2018 and 2021.

Jensen seemed to panic a bit during s15 hiatus when he had nothing lined up. He worked his connnections as anyone seeking work should. He had meetings with CW execs, WB execs — probably asking for a holding deal (jared got one so I am sure he believed he should too). He reached out to Kripke to see if he had anything. (Which he did with SB). WB gave him the production company in lieu of a holding deal or a series to star in. So he was pretty booked in 2021 bt The Boys, Batman voice, Rust, and his EP duties of CMP (as limited as they were).

Fast forward to post Rust (Nov 2021). He admitted he had nothing lined up going into 2022 and again he panicked a bit a asked his agent to schedule introductions meetings along with him contacting his network on his own. Jared lines him up for a Walker directing gig, and he secures a guest role on Big Sky for the s2 finale.

Going into 2022, he hired a new PR team (Narrative) and had to change agents again (bc his previous one committed suicide in January 2022).

Narrative and/or his agent secured him the Hawaii pro am in January to play with one of the stars from Cobra Kai and Sony’s CEO (the one that claims The Boys and Cobra Kai as it’s two biggest wins).

Narrative secured the Man About Town placement and extended photoshoot that they’ve used in their media pitches.

He went all out on The Boys PR.

And in the spring also secured regular role on BS.

Now it’s end of 2022. What’s lined up for 2023?

TW is a bust. And doesn’t seem like Narrative is managing anything to do with Chaos projects and it shows.

IF Big Sky gets another season, will Beau be a part of it? My guess is yes.

Kripke has eluded that SB will be in s5 (if they get picked up) so it’s very likely SB may make an appearance in one of the last episodes in s4 to show him getting “off ice”. But nothing is definite. Kripke also eluded that he was thinking of a SB spin-off. But nothing definite.

Jared will allow him to direct Walker and/or Windy again — and give him a part - if Jensen wants it.

Jensen is working the network as I am sure his agent is too. It’s a tough business and Jensen looks like 80% of the white male actors out there and he’s more average. While he is very hot and handsome, he’s average. Many others work on their body a lot more and doing way more artistic editorial “thirst trap” style shoots, or are into a social cause or a hobby. Some use their social to entertain. I agree with you that he needs to do something more to stand out, define who he is among the sea of actors. He has a brewery, his music, his production company and his daddy/family time. Yet he rarely talks about any of it in the public, except at cons when he’s specifically asked a question. Whereas others actors at his peer levels promote their identity — maybe its showcasing their workouts or their writing process or bts of being a producer or some cook or show their kitchen skills or some show their off time of being a dad or others post funny TikTok’s with comments and use their sm to entertain. All seem to do it consistently and that is the key secret, and where jensen lacks the most.

Is this why he is doing a Radio Co concert? This may be a fallback to keep him busy and away from family if he doesn’t have acting/directing gigs lined up. Just like most things with Jensen, music, FBBC, wife/family, CMP all seem to be side projects to support others in his life and are not true passionate projects for him. That’s what he’s projecting and the image he has created.

I get the same impression, that his Radio Company concerts are a way to have something lined up and he may not truly be passionate about any of it. Same with all the rest you mentioned, it truly seems like he is unfulfilled because he missed the mark on something. I hope he finds what is ideal for him. It's never too late and it doesn't have to match anyone's expectation of him.

"That’s what he’s projecting and the image he has created." Absolutely, people perceive his lack of commitment for all of those things.

[disaster-j]

I'm new to BL and got introduced to OffGun first and I'm really really impressed by Gun. Since you have been in this fandom for a long time, can you tell me random stuff about Gun that a casual fan might not know about him?

Oh sure! Here's some fun facts that new/casual fans may not know-

1. Gun started out as a child actor. He was already quite passionate about acting as young as age 8/9 and his mother would take him to auditions where, at first, he'd get small background roles but then eventually landed the title/lead role as Gomin in a traditional thai lakorn at age 9. Gomin was wildly popular in thailand to the point Gun would still be recognised as him in high school.

2. Gun has been acting pretty much non-stop since age 9 and has been in several critically acclaimed projects. He's worked with like half the thai industry at this point.

3. Growing up, through his acting career, Gun helped financially support his then struggling family. He doesn't talk about it very often but has mentioned these struggles in interviews about growing up in the industry in the past.

4. He was once the villain in a Very Explicit movie about gang violence, drugs and prostitution. It's called Playboy and the Gang of Cherry. There's a prequel focusing on Gun's character called Bittersweet Chocolate. I haven't really seen more than clips of either but they're very messed up and pretty explicit apparently.

5. In 2014, Gun auditioned to be a host on Five Live Fresh which was a web show hosted by Bang Channel, the origin point of what we now know as gmmtv. Gun did not pass the audition and the show ended being hosted by Off, Tay, New and Gun Korawit. Talk about a missed opportunity...

6. In November of 2015, Gun met with P'Tha, managing director of GMMTV, to discuss the possibility of joining on as a GMM artist. He was convinced on the spot and signed the contract that same day bc he'd get to have lots of people to spend time with. He said that working as an independent artist didn't give him such opportunities and he'd get lonely.

7. In one of the takes for the infamous first PickRome kiss, known for it's awkwardness, Gun accidentally spat on Off because he couldn't hold in his laughter.

8. Gun loves to cook. He often makes big batches of food and invites friends over to eat with him. He even sends food over to GMM people like Off, Jennie, Tay, Godji, etc. if he can. He seems to really like making spicy ant egg soup,a southern thai specialty, recently. He once did a food pop-up where people could order his food through IG and get a taste of his cooking. There were times when he even cooked on the Not Me set for the cast and crew. His love for cooking definitely comes out in OffGun's web show Mommy Taste where they go to their friends' homes and have a cook-off. Gun pretty much always does all the cooking while Off just talks and entertains.

9. In the scene where White crawls under the fence to chase after Sean, Gun got stuck on the first take because, according to P'Nuchy, his ass is too thicc.

10. Gun is currently filming for and will be starring in an action-packed indie fantasy thriller by the title The Snake Queen alongside costar Patricia Good. It's a highly anticipated project and given the director's past ties with netflix projects there's hooe that the film will eventually be available on netflix for international audiences. So definitely look forward to that!

I think ten is enough for now, yeah?

[lirbrarycrows]

Various Fake Dating HCs

Various situations that require fake dating from there’s a creep, to a school play,  and how it becomes real 

AN/Yall know the drill. Caffeine, sugar, no sleep, binge writing session with no edits. That said if anyone catches a mistake please let me know Todoroki’s got a little away from me (def. was not 2 pages worth of google docs nope not me wrong writer) Enjoy!

Characters: Deku, Bakugou, Kaminari, Shinsou, Todoroki 

Word Count: 2520

Requests Open

Warnings: Mentions harassment

Deku 

Mineta wasn’t the only creep on campus and you were Class 1-E’s lucky lady as he called you thinking he was God’s gift to women

After 2 weeks of annoying you everyday after class was enough 

You’d complained to Deku and Uraka about it before so he was well aware of the jerk

When he approached you at lunch you couldn’t take it anymore

The moment he left you’d plopped your forehead onto Deku’s shoulder and asked Deku to help you out offering to buy him lunch for the week in return

He wasn’t sure how he could - he knew he couldn’t intimidate the guy like Kirishima or Bakugou so he wasn’t sure what you wanted

When you explained he’d gone pink but agreed

Since then he’d held your hand, helped you study, and called you honey and sweets when the creep was in earshot 

It took the jerk a while to realize you weren’t interested for some reason when he did though Deku kept up all the sweet gestures 

You told him a week after the last encounter with the creep that he could stop 

He’d just murmured (thinking you couldn’t here) “I don’t want to” 

You’d given him a kiss on the check and realizing you’d heard he’d launched into one of his patented spiels saying of course if you weren’t interested, and he still was focused on becoming the number 1 hero, and and and 

You’d wait for him to finish and look up at from the floor before giving him a smile and asking where he wanted to go on your first official date

Bakugou

It was his idea believe it or not. You both were good friends and after his internship he had several dedicates “fans” They’d gone so far as to track him down and asked him out incessantly 

The first time he’d scoffed and told them to get loss with his usual tact, that is to say none

After that when they’d followed him everyday from the gates of UA he’d blown up at them, literally 

Most of them were properly scared off by this or at least more reserved 1 girl just couldn’t take a hint

You and Bakugou had been sent to get snacks for movie night later and SHE was as always waiting on Bakugou

He’d groaned seeing her and whispered in you ear to play along 

Snaked his arms dangerously low around your waist, pulled you close

He purposefully didn’t look at her pretending he hadn’t already seen her

When you were out of the gates he spun you around and trapped you against the wall leaning in to whisper to you thanking you for playing along he asked if he could kiss you

You grabbed his face and pulled it towards your own

When you broke apart he smirked then pretended to take notice of the girl telling her off for spying on him and his girlfriend

You walked up behind him as he yelled at the girl and glared daggers at her 

She wasn’t happy about it but between both your threats she finally backed off (though she would occasionally pop up at public UA events) 

You were always with the Bakusquad so it was an easy matter to plant a kiss on his check and motion you were watching her in case she felt like trying anything

Neither of you were ready for or wanted a real relationship so that was as far as it went in high school but you keep in contact and who knows what the future holds

It did become a running joke how you two were such a lovey dovey couple in between the cursing each other out and harder than necessary slugs to the shoulder

Kaminari

You two flirted like there was no tomorrow 

Eventually everyone assumed you were dating bc who else flirts with every breath

One night you were running late and Kirishima had asked Denki “Where’s your girlfriend” 

It took him a second bc as much as you both flirted it was never serious

You’d popped in not a minute later and Kaminari had thrown his arm around you dramatically declaring “MY BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND IS HERE” for everyone to here 

You looked at him quizzically and snorted

He managed to pull you away from the group and convince you it'd be a great joke to see how long you could convince the gang you were dating and how much drama you could create in your fake “relationship” 

You were plotting soap opera level storylines by the end of the night

After a week of scheming and late night writing session you started your personal drama with a dramatic monologue to the girls before class on how Kaminari had forgotten your so important 1 week-aversy 

-They’d consoled you and told you guys care about stuff but if you did you should talk to Kaminari

By lunch everyone had heard and Bakugou had a betting pool on how long the happy couple would last - Kaminari tried to join but was banned

Week 3 had the suspected cheating scandal - that had earned you a lecture from Kirishima on how it wasn’t manly to cheat and you assuring him nothing had actually happened 

By week 5 the two of you had a regular date scheming night 

During week 6 when Kirishima was “buzzed” after overusing his quirk he confessed to loving your (nonexistent) identical twin who conveniently went to another school and you had never spoken of bc she had stolen you last boyfriend

Towards the end of the term during date night Denki dropped to one knee proposing a proposal story line you’d burst out laughing when he grabbed a slap bracelet (He’d gotten from goodness knows where) and slapped it onto your wrist

At least take me on a real date first you’d joked - then frozen hoping he hadn’t heard 

He had. He took the slap bracelet off, still on one knee and said (Y/N) will you take this slap bracelet and go out with me for realizes I mean 

You’d ceremoniously take the slap bracelet and try to carefully put it on your wrist, treasuring it - slap bracelets can’t be gently moved though so it snapped up immediately as you said “I do” 

Shinsou

It wasn’t planned by either of you

You didn’t even know people though you were dating until a picture of the two of you showed up in the schools gossip column and someone pointed it out to you at lunch 

Shinsou just nodded his head and sighed saying “that makes sense” 

You had no idea what he was going on about - you found out that people had been kinder to him this morning some. Guys approached him about his “game” and some girl had talked to him saying if he was with you he couldn’t be as scary as he seemed 

You to were close and you knew how much it hurt him that people were scared of him bc of his quirk 

You were sitting so you leaned over and gave him a side hug promising him it would be okay

That hug went down the grapevine and “confirmed” your relationship 

By the time someone directly asked you about Shinsou the two of you had talked and agreed to let slide neither of you liked anyone and it was helping Shinsou so where was the harm 

You didn’t go out of your way to appear as a couple but you were friendly and people were prone to misinterpretation 

Shinsou certainly wasn’t a social butterfly but he certainly wasn’t seen as scary and his friend group grew

2 months into your “relationship” Shinsou had a girl confess to him she liked him 

He was taken aback she hadn’t talked to him the entirety of last term and suddenly she liked him

She had been scared of him unlike you. Unlike you, something clicked for Shinsou and the rest of the week he found himself comparing other girls to you and realized he may truly be in love with you 

By the time he came round to that realization you had made your own. Maybe people had thought you two were a couple bc you hung out with him more, hugged him more, smiled at him more, and liked him more and differently than your other friends. You  maybe even loved him 

At lunch he was the one who reached out and touched you, lightly settling his hand on yours and asking if you wanted to be more than a rumor 

Todoroki

Can we say emotional trauma 

In literature class there’d been a project to perform a Kyogen as a part of their classic lit unit - you’d loved it even if you’d been graded more on the accompanying essay of the evolution of language and classism than the performance part 

When you saw there was a school play you hasn’t hesitated to audition bc the kyogen performance had been so fun

You hadn’t gotten the lead role you wanted but you were more than fine playing a the female lead’s best friend who got swept off her feet by the quiet tortured poet

As soon as you saw who you’d been cast as you immediately checked who your love interest was. It was none other than Shoto Todoroki

You were really nervous the first rehearsal that focused on your sections

You knew Todoroki only by reputation, as a aloof and focused student 

You had no clue what he was doing in the play so you asked. He didn’t tell you the first day instead just did a read through 

The entire time the drama teacher kept saying “More Emotion” and “You’re in love so SMILE” you were pretty sure it was directed at Todoroki who was barely beyond monotone

The director requested Todoroki stay after rehearsal for extra practice. As his scene partner you stayed too

During on of these he explained during the kyogen project he’d felt different in his everyday life when he was pretending to be happy or angry compared to when he tried to show no emotion 

The director had called that moment a breakthrough. You smiled at him and asked whatever made him think that showing no emotion was in any way a good idea. He didn’t answer you 

You made it your mission from then on to get him to show emotion. Of course that was the director’s job on stage. You made it your mission everyday though. 

You would have friends pass him notes for you in between classes, eat lunch with him, and had a bad joke of the day hoping to catch him roll his eyes rather than just stare ahead eating robotically 

Eventually he started to show cracks in the armour, he would smile when you made funny faces backstage, or say he was upset which wasn’t much but baby steps

There were days he reverted to mono-emotionalism (that emotion being bored) on those days you eventually decided your best course was just to annoy him to death or even better till he said he was annoyed this came in the form of you lightly hitting you arm on his head, singing the 100 digits of pi song on loop, or running and jumping at him (he would always catch you knowing his choices were that or be bowled over) 

Those days became fewer and further between as you got closer to the play. There was one particular bad day though. You’d been trying all day to get a reaction, good or bad, out of him with nothing working. 

He was sitting on the floor during practice. You dropped beside him and leaned back till your head was in his lap and started asking “What’s up with you?”

You didn’t finish your question bc he shoved you out of his lap and stormed off 

Your scenes that day weren’t great to say the least 

By the end of practice you were just drained, you really were trying to help, and instead you’d hurt him and that hurt as much as him pushing you away and saying he didn’t need you 

The next day you had Deku hand him a note saying you were sorry 

You didn’t try to reach out to him the rest of the day, sat with your own friends at lunch, and didn’t bother him between scenes during practice

It was a week before you two spoke and that was only on the blocking of the last scene the leads ran to each other as you two cheered and hugged 

Tech week was hell week for 2 reasons 1. The general tiredness and overwhelmingness that always come with tech and 2 you were practically glued to Todoroki’s hip the entire play for 3 run throughs a day and you still weren’t really speaking 

Opening night you saw Todoroki pacing half an hour before curtain call. You were headed back to the dressing room to help some of the other girls with their makeup but he looked stressed. 

You waved not wanting to startle him. He looked up from his pacing feet and just stared at you 

“I’m not here to annoy you. You just look stressed and I wanted to say it’ll be fine and um break a leg. Anyway I’ll leave you to your pacing.” You said before starting to leave

He doesn’t move to stop you from leaving but he stares you down and starts talking, spewing all the feelings that have been building up (that he doesn’t understand) He’s nervous around you. Why is he nervous around you? He’s mad at himself for making you sad that day. You didn’t talk to him. He didn’t know what to do so he let you not talk to him. His miserable and he misses you he thinks. He tried talking to Deku but Deku just told him that he needed to talk to you about these feelings so he didn’t say anything more to Deku. He has all these feeling and doesn’t know why? 

You walk towards him and ask if it’s okay to hug him

He gives the smallest nod

You wrap him in the tightest hug you possibly can and lean your head into his chest. He eventually rests his head on top of yours and awkwardly wraps his hands around your back

When you pull away he looks at you for a moment before telling you your makeup looks nice 

You have to run to help the girls with their makeup you remember but make him promise to talk after the show 

You two talk and by the final curtain call your on stage hug has somehow become a chaste peck on the cheek. 

He pays for your post set strike theater crew Denny’s meal with Endeavour's stolen credit card and asks if it counts as a date if there are 20 other people with you

[makebank]

silver lining

Request: “it's a day on set and you haven't been feeling good you pass out mid filming, and it turns out to be serious”

Warnings: nothing really, but mentions of surgery and emergency rooms

Rudy Pankow x reader

Word Count: 1.5k

A/N: i know i said i wouldn’t do the actor but i changed my mind bc this seemed innocent enough. not sure if i’ll do more, as i prefer the characters. but i figured i’d at least try once. if this bothers you i’m sorry. also not even a blurb lol, i can’t make them short unless they’re phrase prompts omg

You woke up this morning feeling like you had been hit by a truck. All last night you tossed and turned alternating between sweating and shivering. When your alarm sounds, you roll to the side to turn it off and are hit with a wave of nausea. Instantly, you rush out of bed and barrel towards the bathroom. You thought you were going to be sick, but thankfully nothing came up. 

You sigh taking in your disheveled and damp appearance. Lifting up your shirt, you inspect your right lower stomach expecting to find a bruise. Oddly, there was nothing there but you felt a dull ache taking over the area. You were curious about why you suddenly felt so horrible, but knew you had to get to work. Turning on your shower, you steamed up the room and stepped in. You were hopeful that a nice, scorching shower would be enough. 

In the shower you contemplate how important it is for you to be okay. You finally landed an acting role and didn’t want to mess it up. It wasn’t the largest part, but you were in the second half of the TV series season quite a bit. This spring you had auditioned for a love interest on Outer Banks and shrieked when you got it. Your character was supposed to start slowly falling in love with the character JJ Maybank, while he secluded himself off from his friends. He goes through a tragedy of dealing with John B. being gone and feels left out by his best friends dating. So, he meets you while surfing alone and they continue to meet up often. Anyways, you were among so many great actors that you felt insecure at times. And the last thing you needed was to be calling in sick and halting filming. 

Besides, you had a huge crush on the actor who played JJ. You never did anything about it though. During filming it was professional and after you would smile and joke with the lively blond. It was hard not to like him. He was full of so much life, was intelligent, kind, and could have any room rolling with laughter. He was always so sweet and respectful towards you but that was it. You two had spent hours together rehearsing and filming. You were growing closer, but it didn’t seem that he wanted it to move any further. It wasn’t like him and his co-stars who were already all friends from the first season and had a visibly strong bond.

Pulling yourself from your thoughts as your long shower grew cold, you shut off the water and start to dry off. You would just have to fake it for the day. There was no way you weren’t going.

-

Arriving at set, your stomach pain only worsened. Instead now, it was sharper rather than dull. You head into your trailer and pop a couple painkillers before splashing water on your face and making your way to hair and makeup. Walking in you see the one person you got most excited to see, Rudy. 

“Hey y/n.” he greets with his usual bright smile.

“Hi Rudy, what’s up?” you try to match his tone. “Oh, you know, just getting my flowing locks perfected” he jokes while the hairstylist sprays the hairspray to hold his flawless gold waves in place. You chuckle in response but try not to wince at the pain it causes. But to no avail, your face gives it away. 

He frowns at your obvious discomfort. “Are you okay?” You beam at his genuine concern. “Sorta. I just have this weird stomach pain. But I’m fine!” you rush to reassure. He raises his eyebrow at you like he doesn’t believe you. “If you’re sure, just take care of yourself first please.” You actually fully smile this time, “Thanks, I will” you slightly lie. 

He rises from his chair with his hair finished. “See you on set, lover” he gives you a two-finger salute as he heads to film scenes with the other cast members. You feel your neck heat up at the nickname. You knew it was only because you played his love interest, but you couldn’t help but feel flustered every time he did it. 

- 

After sitting through hair and makeup, you head to set overhearing a scene being filmed. It’s Rudy yelling at JD about something to do with his character JJ being distant and it being none of their business. You take in the sight of him now in different clothes. He’s wearing that cutoff you love that shows off every inch of his defined arms. They’re bulging even more, because he tenses with anger. His fingers covered in rings as they run through his hair. You admire Rudy’s acting and his seemingly effortless portrayal of JJ. 

Suddenly, while waiting another wave of sharp pain hits you. You curl up in your chair and whimper. No one notices because they are too entranced with the scene. Taking a couple deep breaths, you try to distract the pain away. It didn’t alleviate it at all. Shortly after, they’re done filming and Rudy is walking towards your chair next to his. Bounding with a sense of pride in his work, he innocently smiles towards you. Once he’s close enough to see your expression, his demeanor falls.

“Y/n you don’t look too good. You sure you should be filming today? We can take you to the doctor.” he offers becoming increasingly concerned. You quickly shake your head no. “I’m okay. C’mon let’s go” you try to get him to drop it. He looks unsure but ultimately follows you to the towel on the sand to start your scene.

The director starts to give you both some instructions that you can hardly pay attention to. He yells “action”. The scene starts off well, Rudy is acting perfectly as always, and you deliver a few lines without issue. 

Without warning, your stomach wrenches in agony. You start wincing and your eyes tear up. You curl your body up and start groaning. The camera men stop filming, and everyone rushes towards you. Rudy is the first to try to help. He places his hand on your arm to try to see if you’re okay.

“Y/N! What’s happening? What do you need me to do?” he’s frantic and rushing his words. You only cry in response until you muster the energy to speak. “I don’t know, it just hurts so much” you whimper. Immediately, Rudy is scooping you into his arms and hauling you to a vehicle. You hear everyone panicking in the background but can only focus on the soreness. 

Rudy rushes you to the emergency room where people surround you and start performing a series of tests. Soon you’re being sped to surgery. You’re told you have appendicitis and need emergency removal. It all happens, so fast your family isn’t able to get there before it starts. They live all the way on the west coast, so sadly they won’t make it until way after. 

- 

You wake up from being put under on anesthesia in a hospital room. You slowly blink open your eyes to find an unexpected visitor. It’s Rudy nervously biting his nails and bouncing his leg in front of your bed. When he realizes you’re awake, you can see with weight being lifted off him

“Y/N! You’re awake! I’ve been so worried about you.” he looks so stressed and miserable. “I’m sorry.” you croak. He looks taken aback, “What? You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m just glad I forced you here when I did. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit” you tease and you both erupt into giggles. He grabs your hand and rubs his thumb softly on your fingers. “I’m really glad you’re okay.” “Me too. Thank you for everything you did and for waiting for me.” He stands up and places a gentle kiss on your cheek. “Are you kidding? There’s no way I was leaving you. I’ll go get the others, they’ll want to know you’re awake. Your family is about an hour out by the way.”

You sink further into your hospital bed feeling the butterflies taking over. You’re still slightly sore from surgery, but his lips and the pain medication make you feel on cloud nine. You weren’t sure if Rudy felt this way before and the emergency brought it out or if he’s just being kind, but you were loving every second of it.

A few days later you get to return home, but on bed rest for the next two weeks. Rudy spends every minute he can in bed with you watching movies and cooking for you both. He has to continue filming, but he reassures you that in a few short weeks you’ll get to pick up and finish the last few episodes you have with him. 

You weren’t excited about having your appendix removed, but it did bring the boy you cared for full force into your life. He was your best friend. And now eagerly becoming more. 

i didn’t add my everything tag list bc i dont normally write for actors and didn’t want to tag you guys for this just in case. 

[mcwriting]

Dance Dance Revolution

Welllllll the other night I couldn't sleep and wrote basically this entire thing in my head. It’s kinda based on how I feel about dance auditions and also slightly inspired by a dance moms clip I saw where the girls auditioned to be in a MattyB music video and it caused ~drama~. The reader description is kind of based on myself bc even though I’ve been dancing forever, I’m definitely bigger than a size 2 and it usually surprises people when I tell them about my dancing.

Fandom: Tom Holland (is this even a fandom anymore honestly)

Ship: Tom Holland x Reader

Setting: A dance studio, duh

Word Count: 2,144

Warnings: bratty teenage girls?

Rating: idk fam, but it’s pretty tame

Background: You are a dancer at a small company who does it for the pure joy of dancing. When your studio is chosen to be a part of Tom Holland’s next movie, tensions mount between dancers as each hopes to be selected to dance with him on camera. 

Yeah I’m really bad at summaries okay I’m sorry

 reader is at least 18, and maybe a sr in high school or a freshman in college.

---

You took a big gulp of water before wiping some sweat from your forehead. You and your 12 classmates had been given few minutes to recover from barre before heading to center port de bras. 

You were one of the advanced dancers at the studio, having been doing ballet since early childhood along with other genres like contemporary and hip hop. Unlike some of the other girls, though, you didn't necessarily “look” the part of a typical dancer. You weren't tall and flat-stomached, but it never hindered you from performing and advancing in skill.

As everyone began heading towards the center, the door was opened by none other than the studio owner, Alyssa. She had a wide smile on her face as she quietly shut the door behind her. She asked your teacher for permission to interrupt class a moment and then moved to the center of the mirrors. 

“Girls, I have an important announcement,” she began, causing everyone to look around in confusion as she continued. 

“Our studio has been selected to be filmed in a new movie starring Tom Holland!” 

With that exclamation, there followed gasps and squeals, and you couldn't help the smile that stretched across your cheeks and the butterflies in your stomach.

“Wait, wait. Now before you get too excited, I have one more announcement,” Alyssa interjected, exclaiming, “In only a couple short weeks, we will be hosting an audition for one of you to dance a duet with Tom, and even if you aren't chosen, all thirteen of you will still be onscreen in the class shots!”

Everyone started jumping around and squealing even more in excitement.

With that, she left you to the mercy of your teacher, and none of you could help but feel ecstatic about the situation as you finished up ballet class.

The following Saturday, you turned on your favorite playlist and began stretching in one of the smaller studios. Very few people other than Alyssa and the people working in the attached dance store would be at the studio today and you had been given permission to work alone. Being one of the oldest dancers at the studio definitely had its perks with opportunities like this.

You also knew that some of the people working on the movie would be meeting with Alyssa, so you hoped that you could be left alone for a while to just dance. 

After warming up, you decided to freestyle dance for a while, just moving and letting the music take over you. You combined contemporary and ballet moves, doing some turns and jumps along with floor work. 

When the song you were dancing to ended, you stopped to catch your breath and get water when you noticed some people peeking through the window watching. You blushed slightly as you looked down at your attire: black work-out leggings and a tank top, hair thrown messily into a bun with wispies sticking out everywhere. 

You ultimately decided to pause the music and step into the hallway to say hi, and you found Alyssa standing with four people: One woman, two middle-aged men, and Tom Holland himself. 

“Y/n, these are some of the most important people working on the movie,” Alyssa said as you shook hands with everyone.

“You looked amazing in there,” the woman commented, garnering praise from the other people as well. 

“Thank you, that means so much! Honestly, I really wasn't even dancing, that was just some improv,” you explained.

“I can’t imagine how lovely it’d be to see you perform choreo, then,” Tom added, causing you to chuckle in reply. 

“I think I can speak for everyone here when I say that I hope you'll be auditioning in a couple weeks,” said one of the men. You nodded and said, 

“Of course, but I’m sure there will be stiff competition. I think we’ll make the choice hard for you all!”

With that, you bid them adieu and reentered the studio, pulling up a playlist of songs that you had choreographed dances to. You performed one of your favorite contemporary pieces, one that you would be doing in an upcoming show.

After finishing, sweaty and a little tired, you accidentally made eye contact through the mirror with Tom, who sent a wink before following Alyssa and the group down the hall to her office.

---

Two days later, you were getting ready for class and filling a water bottle when one of the other girls came up to you.

“I heard you got a head start on the audition,” she stated, arms crossed. 

You looked around and furrowed your brows.

“Um, I mean, I had some private studio time this weekend and the people touring with Alyssa saw me dance for a minute. Even if they had watched me a lot, though, I’m sure none of the people there will be on the audition panel.”

She gave you a look before answering with, “I guess we’ll just have to see,” then turned and walked into the studio.

---

Two weeks later, you were standing nervously in the waiting room, wearing a black leo and tights, a paper number “11″ pinned to your stomach. 

Over the past few weeks, tension had become thick with the day’s impending audition, and the girls (and some of the guys) of the studio had split on whether or not you had somehow cheated by accidentally meeting the movie heads. Along with the advanced dancers, some of the intermediates that were allowed to audition had also been swayed to see you as the bad guy.

Thankfully they hadn't discovered that you met Tom, and a good majority of people stuck by you. 

Finally everyone was called into the main studio for the ballet audition and you felt your stomach drop when you saw the panel: Tom, the other 3 people that you met, and two people that you guessed were choreographers. Alyssa was also sitting in and your teacher would be running the audition.

Alyssa then asked the panel to introduce themselves from left to right, starting with Tom, the director (the man that asked you to audition), executive producer (the other man), the casting director (the woman that complimented you), and the head and assistant choreographers.

You suddenly felt extremely nervous. Alyssa was right, the four people you had danced for really were the most important people in your life right now, and after everyone settled at the barre, the audition began.

Tom’s eyes caught yours for a second in the middle of your plie combination and he grinned, causing you to perform more and gain some confidence. 

A few hours later, you had gone through ballet, pointe, contemporary, hip hop, and musical theatre auditions and everyone was waiting for call backs. With some of the studio still split, you moved to the back of the room and talked with one of the guys that you were close with. 

The guys had also auditioned because they would be in the class scenes, even if they weren't doing a duet with Tom, per say (although the idea of any of those guys doing a major piece with Tom was kind of funny to imagine).

You leaned in and whispered into his ear, 

“The three people closest to Tom were the ones that watched me dance a few weeks ago.”

He raised an eyebrow at you.

“There’s more. Tom was there too, and he obviously recognized me. But you can't tell a soul about this,” you threatened, earning a nod in confirmation. You talked for a while longer until Alyssa came out holding a folder.

“Alright everyone! You are all going to be in the film, but unfortunately only one can be the lead. Right now, I only have one callback number but please stick around for a little bit if you aren't called just in case. The lucky number isssss...” she said pausing.

You looked at the girls around you, guessing who it would be. It was most likely going to be one of the girls with the ballerina bodies and model-level faces. You crossed your arms as Alyssa called out,

“Eleven!”

You looked around trying to remember who 11 was when you felt a nudge. Your friend was elbowing your side and he said 

“Y/n, that’s you!” 

You were shocked and finally stuck an arm up to alert Alyssa that it was you. As you walked past the girls, you heard the naysayers grumbling, whispering “told ya so!” and “I can't believe this!” to each other while your friends encouraged you.

The panel stood as you entered the room, Alyssa shutting the door promptly behind herself to keep everyone else out while you went to shake everyone’s hands.

The panel praised you for your performance and asked that you and Tom would partner a little bit to make sure you fit well. They especially liked that you were shorter than him, even in pointe shoes, and hoped that you danced similarly. 

He came around the table in black joggers, a grey t-shirt, and some black ballet flats, ready to dance. The head choreographer asked you mostly to do contemporary steps, like you rolling over his back and some floor slides.

She then asked that you did a lift to see what both of you were capable of. That’s when you felt really nervous. Other than when you were a small child, you had never been the person picked up in lifts, and actually, because you were pretty strong, you were almost always the base for lifts.

You were about to protest when Tom swept you off your feet, lifting you easily into a bridal-style carry. Your arms instinctively wrapped around his neck and you squealed, eyes suddenly meeting his, inches away. He smiled and smoothly whispered,

“Don’t you trust me, darling?”

You smiled and nodded, and he put you down carefully. The choreographer then asked you to stand with your left leg in an arabesque while Tom stood behind you. He hooked his left elbow under the upper part of your thigh and wrapped his right arm around your stomach.

You were hyper-aware of his touch and he made sure that you were alright before you tried to jump while he lifted. The first attempt, you jumped too early and he lifted too late, causing you both to fall over and erupt into laughter, apologizing a hundred times to each other.

The second attempt though, you both were in sync, and when he got you up, you positioned your legs into a fish lift as he spun you. At the end, he dipped you into a fish dive, then gently set you down into your splits and you spun on the ground, standing to face him.

The panel clapped and murmured before the casting director finally exclaimed four fateful words,

“You've got the part!”

As Alyssa and the panel figured out paper work, you turned to Tom.

“We never properly met, I’m y/n.”

He smiled and replied,

“I know. I asked Alyssa about you that day we toured. I couldn't keep my eyes off you then or today. You’re quite the talent.”

You blushed as the two of you got to know each other, excited that you would be dancing with the man you had been crushing on for ages.

---

After the casting process, there were two weeks of rehearsals for both the company and yours and Tom’s duet. Most of the girls ended up letting go of the idea that you had “cheated” and instead became overcome with excitement. 

You and Tom had enjoyed your private rehearsals together and when the day for shooting came, you felt so comfortable with Tom that you almost forgot there were other people in the studio.  At the end of the day, both of you were exhausted and sweaty, but extremely happy with the result.

You were now sitting on the ground by your dance bag, untying your pointe shoes and wiggling your toes, relieved to finally free your feet. Suddenly you felt a warm hand on your shoulder and you turned to find Tom smiling at you.

“You were incredible, love,” he said as he helped pull you to your feet. His arms wrapped around you into a sweaty hug. Into your neck he said, “I can’t wait to bring you to the premiere.”

You pulled away, surprised.

“The premiere? What do you mean?” you questioned as he smirked.

“I want you to be my date to the premiere. Of course, that’s months away, so maybe you could settle with dinner for now?” he asked, looking up innocently.

A laugh bubbled out of you and you nodded.

“Tom Holland, I would love nothing more than to have dinner with you, no premiere required.”

With that, you began a happy relationship that resulted in many, many dates, including more than just one movie premiere.

---

A/N: lol bad ending as always. Hope you all enjoy this dumb thing I wrote. If you’re new, please check out some of my other works under the Tom tags or even my other fandom stuff. Love you guys as always!

[danielesux]

･:*:･ﾟ☆ ( alycia debnam-carey. 25. cisfemale. she/her. ) ↷ ( daniele 'dani' nemeth ) has been spotted by the paparazzi in los angeles. they are a ( b ) list celebrity known for their career as an ( actress ). they’re known by their fans to be ( affectionate, humble, & open-minded ) but the tabloids frequently portray them to be ( lazy, reticent, & jealous ) . i wish them every success in the entertainment industry. ( michelle. 22. est. she/her. ) ･:*:･ﾟ☆ 

hello, new friends! i’m michelle and i’ve not been in a group like this in many moons so i’m a wee bit nervous, feelin’ a lil shy, but i’m v excited. lemme jump right in and introduce you folks to dani. i’ll have some more detailed stats and such on my page later on, but this is all the need-to-know info as well as some stuff you probs don’t need to know but i feel like sharing anyway! 

her full name is daniele faith nemeth. she’ll answer to daniele and is known professionally that way, but 98% of the people in her life call her dani. 

she’s had dual citizenship in both america and australia since she was a child, since her mom lived in australia (where dani was born) and her dad lived in america. he moved there for work when she was 2, after he’d split with her mom. she wanted to have a relationship with them both, so she lived with her mom during the school years and spent holidays with her father in california. she moved to california full time when she was 18 and looking to begin her career. at first she lived in anaheim with her dad, but she soon moved to los angeles. 

she’s a 25 year old actress, who has done a couple of movies and a handful of smaller roles, and is now a main role on a popular tv show, but she hasn’t always done that sort of tv. 

she first stepped into the spotlight when she was 19 and was cast on a reality show on mtv. (something very close to ‘are you the one?’) her agent said it’d be a good start for her, and she blindly did what he said. it did seem like a fun time, and if she got to meet a few cute people (mostly boys, because of the show’s premise), then that was okay for her.

it wasn’t until after the show was airing that she realized it may have not been a good idea. she began worrying she’d never be taken seriously as an actress because of her reality tv past. luckily, she was able to capitalize on it instead. since her name was out there now and she’d gathered a small fanbase from the show, her agent was able to land her auditions. 

she got a few small roles right away, doing one episode roles on popular shows and having a minor parts in movies. her biggest role to date came in 2017 when she was part of an ensemble cast in a female-led comedy (think something along the lines of bridesmaids?? but set at a college and no one is getting married) where she got to work alongside more established and known actresses. this movie is being called ‘moon girls’ for right now and no i didn’t use some sort of title generator to pick that at random. her character was named elizabeth.

her role in that movie led to even more opportunities for her, the most notable one being her current gig. the first season of her new tv show is now playing and she is one of the main roles. it’s a horror show and spoiler alert, but she’s signed on for three seasons, so she feels like she won’t be dying anytime soon. (i’m thinking it’s a similar show to mtv’s scream. a murder mystery/slasher type of show.) the show has been doing well and is very popular with teens/young adults. for now this show shall be called ‘red dreams’ and no i didn’t use the same generator again, mind your business. she plays a character named savannah. 

so that’s p much the gist of her career, now moving on to more on her personal life and such. 

since she’s started to gain more fame and more fans, she’s been referred to as a ‘bicon’, as she’s very open about being bisexual. her character on ‘red dreams’ is also bi. 

she is proud cat mom, to a 3 year calico cat named chandler. when she adopted him a year and a half ago, that was already his name, and since she’s a casual fan of friends/chandler, she kept the name. she felt bad about changing it, she didn’t want to confuse him. 

while she worked hard to become a respected actress, thats about the only thing she works hard at. she’s a lazy person, always wanting to spend her time on the couch or in bed. give her some fries and other snacks and let her hang out in front of the tv with her cat and she’s happy. 

she doesn’t easily talk about her feelings, sometimes fearing letting people in and seeing her vulnerable side. this is a general thing, but when it comes to romantic feelings, she’s twice as guarded. this doesn’t mean she’s a cold person though. she may avoid genuine, serious talks but she’s still quite affectionate. she’s all about holding hands and cuddling, whether in a platonic way or otherwise. she loves being close and touchy with people - but only people she’s close to, or wants to be close to, if you get me. wink wink nudge nudge. 

some other qualities hmmm. she is jealous, usually with people, sometimes with career things, but she’d never say it out loud. 

she’s humble, almost self deprecating at times. 

she’s one of the least judgmental people ever, and very fair minded, and can usually see both sides of an argument - most arguments, that is. with major things, like lgbt+ issues, etc, she has a side. 

she’s sarcastic, but not cruel, always trying to be friendly and keep the mood light. 

she can be nosy as well, she likes knowing about other people’s drama, but she doesn’t have malicious intent, she’s just a curious person. 

she loves music and tv, and is never not watching or listening to something. 

she is notoriously late for things. she can force herself to make it to sets on time (9 times out of 10 at least) but for most other things? lie to her about the time if you want her there at the right time. 

she’s the person who lurks the group chat and only contributes by sending memes every once in awhile. she is a taurus and yes it matters to her. she’s an astrology hoe. she doesn’t understand any of it but she likes knowing peoples zodiacs signs and reading about their traits and seeing if they’re compatible. 

hey, potential connections and plot ideas!! 

a best friend, because who doesn’t love a good brotp??? i do!! a list, b list, c list, d list, dani doesn’t care and neither do i. she needs a good ride or die in her life. 

co-stars!!! because of course. her two biggest projects were the ‘moon girls’ movie (which probably consisted of a and b list actors) and her current show (probably other b listers mostly) but she had lots of little parts before those, so they could have met when they were both big roles or when dani was just playing barista #5 in their show/movie.

since i mentioned she’s v closed off when it comes to romance, i feel like maybe she’s broken a few hearts in her day. peeps who she got close with and unintentionally led on, and they wanted more but she was Not about to have those convos, so things ended. 

friends with benefits type thing?? dani is gonna realize she just hurts people if she’s not upfront from the start, so she’s gonna try that honesty thing, and it can lead to her and your muse having a no strings attached type relationship. bonus points if one or both of them fuck that up by catching feels tho lmfao.

a mentor of sorts! she’s still relatively new to the scene and is just now blowing up, so it’d be nice for her to have someone to guide her and give her advice. 

an old roomie maybe?? she was not wealthy when she first came to los angeles on her own and she would have needed a roommate. she didn’t get her own place until ‘moon girls’ was out and successful, so they would have had a few years together. their current status is up for discussion. 

some sort of enemies??? that could be fun. hatred is great. dani doesn’t hate easily but she’ll hate you if you want her to. 

like i mentioned, she is a huge fan of tv and music, so maybe your muse is one of her faves!! they can mutually fangirl over each other. or maybe just dani can fangirl and your muse can be mildly bothered by her.

literally anything!! i know i’m gonna remember a few more and be annoyed with myself for forgetting to add them.  

i will most definitely add some pages to my navi with more stats and details and maybe more connection/plot ideas, but for now, there ya go, folks! if anyone wants to plot, please do not hesitate to say hi. i am so thirsty for any and all connections, i’ll cling real hard to you. i’m excited to get things going!! 

p.s. if i don’t reply suddenly its bc ya girl went to take a much needed 10 hour nap. 

[lance-brady]

shut the front door she finally wrote an intro in a timely fashion

the paparazzi have spotted lawrence brady, the twenty-eight year old actor who’s currently working as dr. jake bishop on paloma general. the tabloids have called them formidable and ambitious, but also calculating and stoic. during their time in the spotlight, they’ve been dubbed the tempest.

(tw: death, violence, gambling addiction, guns, general assholery)

i need to stop winging these but whatevs

okey dokey so this time we have lawrence james brady

he was born in bel-air, california, to super rich parents arthur and helen brady

probably won’t realise you’re talking to him if you call him lawrence – lance or brady is probs your best bet

he’s the oldest of three kids, with a younger brother and sister (who he’s super protective over)

okay now for the fun part (or not so fun?? depends whose side you look at it from)

so the brady bunch are absolutely nothing like the brady bunch. think more the peaky blinders

the brady family are incredibly well-off, but they didn’t exactly come about their money in the most legitimate fashion. there’s a more in-depth backstory at the bottom of lance’s bio page here but tldr:

papa arthur was involved in gambling and owed a lot of money to the wrong people. by dealing with the issue and disposing of the problem, he gained a reputation for himself. there was one incident after the birth of his 3 kids, when his wife was shot and killed by a bullet intended for him, leaving the kids without a mother.

his youngest son is serving a stretch in prison for multiple counts of grand larceny, extortion and assault. whilst arthur’s daughter remains on the right side of the law, for the most part, lawrence has had more than a few run-ins.

frequently through school, he was involved in fights and was suspended on more than one occasion.

as he got older, lawrence learned to deal with matters while keeping his own hands clean. he’s the literal definition of ‘it’s not what you know, it’s who you know’. dirty cops, drug dealers, contract killers – you name it, lance probably knows a guy. that way, he keeps his hands – and more importantly, his reputation – clean, but still gets the job done. it’s a side to him that almost nobody knows, except for his family.

the side of him that everybody knows, however, is the rugged, stoic actor.

acting for lawrence began when he was essentially forced into being a stage-hand for a school production as punishment after being suspended – a sort of community service, if you will.

he found that he actually enjoyed it, but was more intrigued by what was happening on the stage than backstage. the next time around, he auditioned and surprised everybody with his talent. drama was his outlet in a way. it was a place that he could express himself and forget about his own life for a moment. towards the end of school, he used it as an escape from confrontational situations, knowing that he needed to pass and couldn’t afford to keep being suspended. he kept his head down and kept himself to himself.

choosing to forgo college, he headed straight for an acting career. like most, it began with minor roles as extras, and then secondary characters in tv shows and movies, but it didn’t take long for his career to kick off. he was starring in commercials, music videos, tv shows and movies left right and centre.

between (roughly) 2009-2014, lance found himself working as drew erickson on a show called afterlife. the attentive ones of you will recognise this as the same show that our very own addie was also in. the pair were (and still are) super super close, having been in a pr relationship for multiple years during filming.

fast-forward to now and lance finds himself working with addie once again, this time as dr jake bishop on paloma general.

for the perfect idea of lance’s personality, just think of tommy shelby from peaky blinders. that’s literally lance.

he’s stoic, calculating, and super ambitious.

super selective about who he chooses to let into his circle. like, you should be honoured if he actually attempts to make conversation with you

famous for his signature eyebrow raise and frosty glare that he gives when a) he thinks you’re talking bullshit or b) he couldn’t care less about what you’re saying and is asking whether you’re done

he’s secretive and seems quiet – it’s only because he knows that the less people know about him, the better strategic advantage he has over them

despite all of this, he’s incredibly loyal and would literally take a bullet for his closest friends

intimidating, powerful, assertive and domineering are the most appropriate words to use to describe lance

he’s the kind of guy who you could hold a gun to his head and he’d be like ‘i’d take off that jacket, if i were you. my blood will stain the fabric, and it looks expensive’.

he def has this silent look (probs accompanied by the eyebrow raise) that basically means ‘i could crush you like a bug’.

he does actually smile sometimes? if he doesn’t hate you, you might actually get a smile

also a flirt. he’s a flirt #confirmed. except he doesn’t like, smile and wink, he just drops some dry, flirty comment and you’ll have no idea if he’s joking or not because he doesn’t smile, or laugh, he just says it and walks away

the press are always surprised bc he’s super grumpy with them but quite nice to fans and will 99% of the time take a picture or sign something for them

probs has dozens of articles written about how he can make people go weak in the knees or how he’s a lovable bad boy or some shit, idk

kids love him. idk why, idk how, but they do. he’s just surprisingly good with kids

can play the guitar!! rly well!! he frequently takes himself off somewhere to play but like. not many people know that side of him??

despite being this super badass guy he’s terrified of flying and needles. will probs pass out if he has to have a blood test (but he’s mostly okay with tattoos)

couple of connections that are definitely the same as always because i’m uncreative as hell:

enemies. probably a fair few of them

exes left right and centre. definitely broke a few hearts

all of the one night stands

someone who knows about his mad guitar skillage and has heard him strumming some sad melody or something idk

that one person who doesn’t stop making an effort with him and being nice to him, despite the fact that he’s a massive arsehole to them

the honorary younger sibling who he takes under his wing and doesn’t hate entirely

current pr relationship to try and make him look less like a heartless fucker

flirtationships!!

neighbours! def rich enough to afford to live on his own but maybe someone lives rly near to him?

idk just come love us and we can brainstorm!!

this got so long im so sorry but there’s a bio page here and i havent done a connections page yet because i’m a loser but hit me up xoxo

[feadae]

Yo so I’m gonna rant a little about the murder mystery dinner theater show I did over the weekend because I’m still in Post-Show Mode, which means that this is all I’ll be talking about for at least a week, if not more, because I miss the show and don’t want it to be over Brace yourself

So the show is called Final Cut and the story is that all the characters are B-list Hollywood stars (3 actors, a director, a casting director, and a makeup artist) and the audience is a bunch of potential backers for the director’s new movie, in which all of the characters are involved. Then murder happens and one of the actors takes it upon himself to solve the case before anyone calls the police, since being witnesses/accessories to a murder would not be good for the careers of anyone present.

It occurs to me that I’m gonna be using names a lot and that you know precisely none of these people and presumably none of these characters so quick key: Me = Cherri Pitt (ba-dum-tss) = Slightly desperate actress new to Hollywood, hellbent on keeping Eddie in line and keeping the lead role, dating Rock because he has connections, pretending to be dumber than she is Nick = Rock Stud = Leading man opposite Cherri, dating Cherri, neither the brightest nor the humblest crayon in the box Jason = Eddie Cheek = Director of the movie, stole the script and claims to have written it himself, Douchebag of the Year (played by the sweetest human being on the planet--gotta love acting), murdered second Faith = Nova DeVoe = Second lead in the movie, One Diva to Rule Them All, known for stealing lead roles from other actresses, murdered first, Rock’s ex-wife and Eddie’s ex-lover, found Eddie and Cherri sealing the movie deal as it were Katherine = Billie Clubb (ba-dum-tss) = Casting director, head of a bankrupt management company, the real author of the script Eddie stole and SPOILER ALERT the killer, the script doesn’t say so but Katherine decided that Billie’s gay--it’ll become relevant later Shannah = Quinnie Winston = Eccentric makeup artist, works on all of Eddie’s movies because Eddie hit her with his car and arranged a deal with her where he’d employ her if she didn’t take him to court, it’s revealed about halfway through that she faked the car accident and that she’s done it before and been arrested for fraud Savannah = director of the show = One of the most amazing people alive

It was a lot of firsts for me, including my first murder mystery dinner theater, and every second of it was So Much Fun

We only had two weeks of rehearsal, and even though there were some bumps along the way (missing people for several rehearsals due to unavoidable schedule schtuff; being told two days before our dress rehearsal that we couldn’t actually pull costumes from the costume closet, etc.), those bumps resulted in really fun things (one night we were missing Faith, Nick, and Jason--half our cast--so Shannah, Katherine, and I did character work with Savannah for nearly three hours, just talking through our characters’ backstories and attitudes toward various things and people and backgrounds with each of the other characters, which was really fun and resulted in us doing the same thing the next day with Faith, Nick, and Jason, which was even more fun, because Faith and Jason did the whole thing in character like they were on a talk show, and their characters are giant divas/asshats, so it was hilarious. Because of the Costume Veto, we had/got to go thrift shopping for our costumes, and Nick, Jason, Shannah, and I all went together, which was super-fun. We talked and joked and it felt really nice to become closer to these people who are all so sweet and so much cooler than me. Jason found a scooter, wheeled around on it like a giant, adorable child, then proceeded to buy it for himself along with the tux he needed for the show. I was looking for a red dress, since my character’s name is Cherri and it Works, and we couldn’t find one that fit that day, so the next day, Jason drove me to another thrift shop and we found a perfect dress nearly straight away and spent the next half-hour or so just browsing the store and chatting and if he weren’t in the most adorable relationship I’ve ever seen with Nick, I’d have the Crush to End All Crushes on him, like the child I am. That being said, I have Friend Crushes on literally this entire cast and just about 90% of the theater department as a whole. Anyway)

Like I said, the show was a lot of firsts for me, and more firsts included the first time I’ve ever worn red lipstick, liquid eyeliner, or fake eyelashes (all very fun to play with but way too much effort to be worth wearing for anything other than theater). I had to have help putting on the eye makeup; otherwise, I would certainly have gone blind. But multiple times, I was told I looked really nice, which you better know I have internalized like there’s no tomorrow (compliment people, folks; you never know, you might just make their day/week/life/etc.). This was also my first role involving sex, bc I am a Smol Bean Child both inside and out. No sex happened during the show (see again the Smol Bean Child point), but it was a big part of my backstory and a big part of why I’m suspicious. It’s established that my character, Cherri, is new to Hollywood and has had so many failed auditions that when she auditioned for Eddie (played by Jason the Adorable) and he proposed a casting-couch deal, she agreed (don’t worry--she got evidence of it so she could blackmail him if he stepped out of line), and now she’s got her first lead role in a movie. Also, Cherri started dating her costar Rock (played by Nick the Tol) at the first readthrough for the movie, and that had really fun implications for our cast because 1) Nick is 6′4″ and I’m 5′2″ and Rock & Cherri were supposed to be all over each other all night and she was supposed to be hanging on his arm a lot of the time so for half the rehearsal process my hands were up by my face, then I got 4-inch heels (which were 3 sizes too big for me--ha!) and during the actual show they were closer to my sternum but it was still funny whenever I cuddled him because it was like “here let me nuzzle your elbow, Rock, dearest” and 2) Remember when I said that Jason and Nick are dating each other? They’re the Cutest Cute to Ever Cute and I will fight you on this I get diabetes every time I see them interact out of character but it was really fun to pretend to have slept with both of them when they’re dating each other irl. I think it was our mutual friend & castmate Jamie (a different Jamie than the one who will turn up later) who called it “living the dream” when I told her, and I was only half-kidding when I agreed (It doesn’t help my juvenile brain that Jason is bi, so me dating him is a “plausible” fantasy--dammit brain knock it off).

I’m really proud of all the character work I did, though, and I loved going really deep into my backstories with everyone and with myself (I have a 12-page Word document of stuff I came up with for Cherri and I could easily have done more if we’d had more than 2 weeks of rehearsal), and I loved the guided-improv style of the show (we had less of a script and more of a sequence of events, with really important Here’s-A-Clue lines being scripted, and in between big important “scenes” we mingled with the guests in character but we had so much character work done that it was less like improv, which terrifies me, and more like a real conversation, which terrifies me slightly less). We’d done so much character work that I felt like Cherri was for the most part a full-fledged human, whom I was temporarily inhabiting, rather than a character I was playing, which I’m told is what acting is supposed to be, and it was a blast. There were hiccups, of course--improv’s not my strong suit, and I did sort of procrastinate on memorizing the scripted lines I did have--but it was all still super fun, and the show went really well! 

More miscellaneous memories:

-The time Faith was helping me fix my hair and just looked me in the face and said “Cali, you’re so pretty” and I Melted -The few times people would tell me I looked great in Cherri’s dress (you better know I internalized that shit) -The lift that wasn’t (at the end of the show, after the killer is revealed and apprehended, I’m supposed to leap into Rock’s arms and proclaim him my hero. Remember, Rock is 6′4″, I’m 5′2″, and I’m in a floor-length, close-to-the-legs dress and 4-inch heels that are 3 sizes too big. That ain’t gonna work. So we changed it to a ballroom-dance lift where I’d be on his hip and he’d spin me around then put me back down instead of me being in his arms and kissing him the way the script says (cue sigh of relief because I’ve never kissed anyone before onstage or off and I didn’t want to subject poor Nick to what I’m sure would Not have been a Good Time). Then we tried it in costume and between me not being able to jump in the Hell Heels and Nick not being able to get a steady hold of me, we decided to just cut the lift altogether and just hug each other instead) -The stage fall that wasn’t (nearer the beginning of the show, a kerfuffle is heard offstage: Rock says, “What are you doing? No!” And screams and you hear an explosion and Rock throws himself into the room as though thrown back by the explosion. He pretend-dies and freaks us all out, then reveals that it was a prank and Eddie threatens to fire him for it. When we started rehearsals, poor Nick was understandably apprehensive about throwing himself onto the hard-wood (or whatever the heck that substance is) floor, since he’s so Tol and he says he wasn’t very good at stage falls in Movement (I refuse to believe there is anything this Angel is not good at, but I digress). So we ended up having him crawl onstage as though mortally wounded, which we decided was funnier anyway, since it took so long and was exactly the kind of extra Nick had decided Rock was) -The dumb names that our audience members wrote on the name cards we gave them and with which we had to address them all night (including but not limited to Captain Schmitty Jones, Two-Tap Shakur, Me No, Schnitzel, and Dr. Dixmal--I had fun appealing to “Dr. Dixmal” when Nova died; I looked right at him and said, “You’re a doctor! Do something!” And he Panicked. “Me No” about died laughing.)   >“Me No” later told me that his name came from when everyone was mingling around before the plot really started and Eddie had come up to him and said, “I like your shirt; who made it?” He responded, “Me,” because he had in fact made it himself, and Eddie went, “What’s Me’s last name?” Jamie (“Me No’s” real name) just looked at him and went, “No...” Eddie walked away, muttering “Me No...” And Jamie put it on his name card and that was that. -The audience’s investment in the show and in messing with us   >They had really vocal reactions to both of the deaths and to everything else.   >I was asked point-blank what was in my purse multiple times during the ten-minute window where there was nothing in it but Cherri didn’t know there was nothing in it, so I panicked and said “just lady things,” and that became a meme for the rest of the night, including when we were lined up along the front for questioning and it was brought up again and I kept insisting it was “just lady things” and Jamie (“Me No”) said “It’s okay, honey, we’ve all seen a tampon before” and started a chant of “Lady things! Lady things! Lady things!” Reacting to that in character was an Adventure.   >Jason’s sister and cousin gave all the characters nicknames, which we didn’t discover until the killer was revealed and Jason’s sister shouted, “Billy Ray Cyrus, no!” (I asked them later what my nickname was and they admitted to calling me Cherri Armpit--I expect nothing less)   >When Eddie died, he had the knife that killed him in his hand (he was stabbed in the back, though; clearly homicide) and Rock took it and later used it to threaten Billie when she was revealed as the killer. He pulled it on her and Jamie shouted “Kill her!” Billie took the knife from Rock and threatened him with it while she monologued and Jamie shouted “Kill him!”   >One person called me over while we mingled to ask what my favorite color was (I said red, because my name is Cherri and it Works) and why my dress was red and why I had “lady things” in my purse (“for...I dunno...blood??”).   >A few people asked what was on my recorder after I’d semi-privately threatened Eddie with it and after he’d stolen it from my purse but before I was scripted to reveal it to everyone, so I had to dodge the question and when they asked if I could play it for them, I ended up saying it depended on how Eddie behaved and walking away as mysteriously as I could before they could ask any more questions.   >There were a few instances during the mingling sessions where Billie called me over to insist that I could do better than Rock and several audience members overheard and agreed with her (it pained both me and Cherri to have to defend Rock).   >When Eddie died, he had my recorder in his hand and it was scripted that I go straight for it, and when I did, Jamie yelled at me, “He’s dead, girl!”   >He also challenged Rock to spell motive when Rock was saying he was going to figure out everyone’s motives for killing Nova and Eddie, and Rock stood there for a second before starting, “E...” and I ended up having to feed it to him.   >During one of the mingling sessions, Rock was talking about how smart he was, and to prove it, he said, “Did you know that there are actually two Himalayas? Yeah. One’s in Africa and one’s in Europe.” Eddie overheard him and mocked him for it, and it came back later and Jamie overheard and yelled, “That’s not even a little bit true!” I ended up having to defend Rock again, leading to me looking Eddie in the eyes and saying, “If there’s only one, why is it called the Himalayas?” Cherri was screaming inside her head; she graduated magna cum laude from Bryn Mawr, and this is what she’s doing?    >My friend Gaston came to watch our dress rehearsal, because we needed humans on whom to practice, and I need you to understand before I tell this story that Gaston is Good and Pure and Must Be Protected. When Nova died, it was revealed that she’d prepared an acceptance speech for when Eddie took the lead role from me and gave it to her, and Quinnie had to read it out loud (it was a Cleverly Disguised summary of everyone’s motives to kill her), and it hammered home just how much of a diva she was. So during the subsequent mingling session, I went over to Gaston and said, “I’m surprised she didn’t write anything about how humble she was” (I was supposed to let how smart I really was show upon occasion so that audience members would suspect me). Gaston the Good and Pure responded, “Well, I’m sure she’s humble wherever she is now.”   >There’s a scene where I lose my recorder and accuse Eddie of stealing it because he knew it would get him blacklisted if I played it for anyone, and Rock comes up and asks me what’s wrong, and I’m supposed to say, “I’ll tell you what’s wrong, Rock. Eddie promised me the female lead if I, well...if I...you know...well, let’s just say that he’s a strong advocate of the casting couch,” and I keep going. But in those pauses on Saturday, our dear friend Jamie took the opportunity to interject, “It’s okay; you can say blowjob.” This guy made it really hard to stay in character sometimes, let me tell you.   >So when Eddie died, he had a blood pack that was supposed to be in his mouth but was too big for him to reasonably conceal it and still be able to bite down on it, so he held it in his hand and broke it with his hand while coughing to make it look like he was coughing up blood. For both the dress rehearsal and the performance, Jason left that blood pack on the floor with the knife that killed him, which he had also been holding, when Nick and Shannah picked him up and carried his “body” offstage. At the dress rehearsal, our test audience was two people and neither of them said anything about the blood pack, but Rock pointed it out and asked, “Is that a used condom? Such a pervert.” (Our blood packs were indeed condoms filled with stage blood and Scotch-taped shut.) For the performance, while Rock and Quinnie were carrying Eddie away, several people asked, “You’re just gonna leave the knife there?” before Rock was supposed to pick it up, and “Captain Schmitty Jones” asked what the blood pack was, to which Rock responded, “It looks like a used condom. Eddie was always a pervert.” The whole room exploded (led by--you guessed it--Jamie), to the point where I almost didn’t hear Billie comment, “Well, I wouldn’t know.” (See it’s funny because she’s gay and therefore doesn’t use condoms--humor)   >After the remaining suspects were lined up and questioned, we asked everyone to write down who they thought was the killer and why, and then before revealing who the killer was, we went over the solutions so we could give prizes for the most and least correct ones. Three separate people submitted that Billie killed Nova and Eddie because she was in love with me (Katherine had decided that Billie was gay, but hadn’t outright told anyone, because the show was supposed to take place in the 1950s), so snaps to Katherine for Quality Acting and letting her character work shine through.   >One person submitted the solution that I had thought was correct when I first read the play: Quinnie killed Nova because Nova knew about Quinnie’s habit of jumping in front of cars and suing the drivers, and Cherri killed Eddie because he had broken his promise to her and given the lead to Nova and then to a random audience member after Nova’s death (and also I decided that it would have been because she hardcore hates Eddie because he’s a scumbag and she hates that she stooped to the casting-couch level and just Angst) -General fun with my fellow actors   >One rehearsal, we didn’t have Katherine, so Jason stood in for her when we had to run over the end of the show, when and after Billie is revealed as the killer. This scene includes Billie being shoved into a chair, forced into handcuffs, and screaming and kicking in frustration after she’s caught. The sounds and facial expressions Jason made were generally adorable and hilarious (he has one sound in particular that can only be written down as “oh!” but is So Much Cuter and that’s the sound he made when Nick shoved him into the chair it was great)   >The script says that Cherri and Rock are very lovey-dovey with each other almost at all times, and that was an adventure at first because Nick is really only lovey-dovey with Jason and I’ve never had an opportunity to be lovey-dovey with anyone so I Don’t Know How, but as the rehearsals continued, we got more comfortable with cuddling each other, and it got to the point where he booped my nose of his own accord and it was Great (is this what human affection feels like)   >When we entered, we all had a quick introductory spiel to give, and in Rock’s, he mentions that he was the lead on a TV show that was cancelled after 6 episodes. The show was called Sky Fling, Pilot PI, and Nick decided to make it a running gag that Rock could never say it right, even though he was the lead in the damn thing. So I made it a running gag that every time Rock stumbled on it, Cherri would say quietly, “Sky Fling, Pilot PI, dear.” To which Nick/Rock responded by patting me on the head and telling anyone who was listening, “She’s so cute when she tries.” And like it was a dick move for Rock, and Cherri hated it, and I’m not usually a fan of being patted on the head (which has actually happened to me before, very condescendingly, and I hated it), but I kinda liked it when Nick/Rock did it??   >Our introductory spiels weren’t in the script; we had to come up with them, and when I improvised mine the first time we did it, it was a bit of a trainwreck, so that night after rehearsal I wrote a speech up and sent it to the director for editing and she said it was great and didn’t need to be edited, so that was Validating as Heck   >Backstory: there’s a scene before Nova’s death when she says one too many rude things about me and I run up and shove her and say, “I heard the horrible things you said about me!” Then she proceeds to continue to be a terrible human being and says loudly enough for the whole room to hear, “We could have even been friends if I hadn’t found you with Eddie in my bed.” I lose it and try to strangle her, shouting, “Take it back!” because this is the first time it’s revealed for the whole audience to hear that I slept with Eddie (this is after I confront him with the recorder, but that’s quiet and only implies that we slept together). So, during one of the last rehearsals, while Rock is monologuing about how Nova’s body had red marks on her neck, so she must have been strangled, I felt someone’s eyes on me and found Billie staring pointedly at me, which was legitimately terrifying, so of course we had to put it into the actual show.   >During the dress rehearsal on Friday, I had a real live good improv moment! During one of our mingling sessions, Billie got fed up with me and said that I was nothing special, because there had been a thousand new, desperate actresses to whom Eddie had given the casting-couch deal. She said to me, “There are a thousand Cherri Pitts out there.” Without even thinking, I innocently tilted my head and said, “No, I’m the only one called Cherri Pitt.” Savannah told me afterward that she had had to physically restrain herself from cackling when I’d said that, so that felt really good.   >The performance on Saturday night was the first time we’d run the killer reveal with actual (plastic) handcuffs, and it turned out to be an adventure. Quinnie spent at least a whole minute, if not longer, trying to get one of Billie’s hands cuffed, and then was struggling so hard with the other hand that Rock had to help her (I desperately wanted to help, but I was supposed to stay on the other end of the room so I could run to Rock all dramatic-and-romantic-like after Billie was cuffed), and when they finally got her cuffed, there was enough time for the audience to applaud just a little, and then Billie tried resisting and yanked herself right out of the cuffs, so I gave up on my blocking and went over there and ended up just hovering uselessly while Quinnie just held Billie in place while Rock gave his triumphant monologue, ending with “Who’s the moron now, Billie Clubb?” Our dear friend Jamie chimed in with “Still you, dude.” I ended up only crossing a couple of feet to declare Rock my hero instead of the whole room. Dramatic.   >So, by now you know that the recorder on which I recorded Eddie’s arrangement with me is pretty dang important to the plot. Well, for the whole rehearsal process, I’d been using my phone as a stand-in for it, assuming we’d have one in the prop closet which we could pull and I would use and it would be great. Not so--the closest thing the prop closet had to a cassette recorder was this big-ass boombox that must have been two feet across and weighed as much as a small dog. For the performance itself, Faith lent me a cassette player she had, and that fit in my purse and it was fine, but for the dress rehearsal, I got to run and get this behemoth for my big reveal for Eddie, and poor Jason had to drag it in with him when he died, and he had to pretend that Eddie hadn’t seen me recording us with it!   >In the ending scene, when it’s revealed that Billie is the killer, she takes the knife that she used to kill Eddie back from Rock and holds Rock at knifepoint while she monologues and explains that Nova’s death was an accident but she meant to kill Eddie 100% and why she didn’t care that Nova was dead and why she killed Eddie and yada yada yada. Then at the end of all that, Rock rushes her and forces her to stab him, and he “dies,” and it looks real and I rush to him and cry over his “body” while Quinnie tries to keep Billie from escaping, and it’s revealed that Rock isn’t really dead, there’s a callback to his first fake death, it’s great. But this onstage death-by-stabbing means that we need a retractable knife. The only retractable knife we have is at least a decade old and on its last leg. So in Billie and Rock’s struggle for the knife during the dress rehearsal, it breaks before Billie’s had the chance to stab the blood bag Rock’s got in his shirt pocket. This means that Billie, panicking a little bit, starts trying to punch his blood bag open before giving up and sprinting off and the show continues as normally as it can. During the actual performance, we used another fake knife which wasn’t retractable, since the retractable one broke, and I couldn’t see whether or not Rock’s blood bag had broken properly because of where I was standing, so just to be sure, when I threw myself onto his body, I made sure to hit the blood bag. This was when I discovered that it had in fact broken and sprayed blood all over Rock just like it had been supposed to do. So I had fake blood on my dress and hands and arms and in my hair, and when I threw myself onto Nick, I heard the poor guy go “oof,” because he wasn’t expecting me to hurl myself on him with that much force. Sorry, Nick.   >So, it’s been established that Eddie, Douchebag Director of the Year, was played by Jason, the Sweetest and Purest Human Being to Ever Grace the Planet. One of the notes he got from Savannah on Friday after the dress rehearsal was to be even sleazier and grosser than ever before for the performance, because when he died, she hadn’t felt like “Good, Eddie’s dead;” she’d gone “Awh, Jason died.” So on Saturday, while we were waiting for people to show up and starting to get into character and all that, this precious bean came up to me and asked in the politest manner you could possibly ask this question if he could slap my ass just to show how sleazy and gross Eddie is. This precious ray of sunshine and purity couldn’t even say the words “slap your [ass/butt/whatever he says, idk];” he had to mime it and say, “you know...” Now, the most intimate thing I’ve ever done with anyone is a Congratulations-On-Doing-Well-In-Your-Show Hug, so I panicked a little bit on the inside, but what I told him was, “It’ll make both Cherri and me really uncomfortable, but it’s 100% in character for Eddie, so yes. Go for it.” He looked unsure because I’d said that it’d make me uncomfortable (the BEAN), but I reassured him that I’d given him permission, so it was okay, and we agreed that he’d do it. So I was on tenderhooks the whole show waiting for that to happen, and then the grossest thing he did the whole show was get really close to me and tell me I looked “ravishing” (which still had my brain going, “Well, mark me down as scared and horny!”) and hug me mock-protectively when Nova called me “tainted goods” (I wasn’t expecting that, and neither was Cherri, and oh boy was it startling). I asked him about the absent ass-slap after the show, and he told me what had happened: there’s a bit where Eddie’s gone for a few minutes and right when we start to wonder where he is, he comes back in with women’s lingerie on over his shirt and pants, and he explains that he wanted to try it because he saw Ed Wood, Jr. do it and because it helps him relax, but he assures the audience that he’s still “all man, all right.” He had been getting closer and closer to me during this bit, and I had walked away to give him room and because I felt like that’s what Cherri would have done, since, you know, she’s slept with this sleazeball and hardcore regrets it and would rather not be closer to him than necessary. Jason told me that he was getting closer to me so that he could slap my ass on the words “all man, all right,” and I had walked away. So that happened.   >Cherri’s supposed to be pretending to be dumb the whole show, with little bits of how smart she really is leaking through at key points, and I was kind of struggling with the dumb act for a while, especially with physicality and voice (bc my voice is v low & I naturally stand up hecka straight, and neither of those things is true for Cherri’s dumb act), but then I talked with the director about just what kind of voice she wanted from me and as she demoed it my brain went MARY KATE WILES AS ANNABEL LEE, so I gave her my Annabel impression and she said it worked great so Cherri’s dumb act was basically Annabel Lee but a little dumber and on the one hand I’m so sorry, MK, that I used Annabel as my basis for a dumb character, but in her defense she’s only pretending to be dumb, and also I got lots of compliments and was told it worked well, so I’m proud of myself and v excited   >On a related note, while I was getting the note that I needed to be dumber, the director told me straight to my face that I naturally walk “very strong and tall, leading with [my] chest,” and like, it wasn’t explicitly a compliment, but it still felt really nice to know that this was a thing she’d noticed about me, and I considered it a good thing (ofc when I’m not playing a character who’s not supposed to do that), and it’s really nice when people tell you things they notice/think about you. idk   >After the show, it was announced that we’re hoping to make the murder mystery dinner theater an annual thing, which is super-exciting because I freaking adore this and wanna do it more (although at this moment I’m still in post-show mode and specifically want to do this show with this cast and director again)   >There was a lot of just chatting with the folks in the cast like actual friends, which was super-fun and still feels really special to me because Socialization Is Not My Strong Suit, nor is Having Real Live Friends With Whom I Interact Face-to-Face, and this entire theater department is filled with people who are all so much cooler than me, so it’s validating as hell when these people actively include me in their conversations and straight-up tell me nice things to my face and it’s clear that they mean it and it feels like they think I’m cool too which just??? Does not compute???? But feels so nice

Sorry about the big ol’ wall of text, but if I hadn’t done this, I would just rant about it for weeks on end and end up telling the same stories a hundred times because I’ve forgotten who’s heard which stories, so here are all of them.

So... yeah.

[thatshighlyoffensive]

That’s Highly Offensive: 2018 Golden Globes

Y’all know I only wear all black all the time, so I find the fact that Hollywood is "uniting" against whatever tonight by wearing all black to be kind of a stupid way to pussy foot around the issue, but who asked me? This should have been a night when the carpet looked the way I think it should at all times, but honestly, a lot of stuff looked makeshift and cheap to me. And WHAT was with all the skirts-over-pants nonsense?? I thought that was over. Also, forgive the overuse of the funeral garb schtick but what choice did I have?

Wow. It's rare that the first look I see ends up being the worst dressed of the night, but Debra Messing has just taken the cake, eaten it, made another cake, eaten that, made another one, and took that too. I know it's cliché but MESSing says it all. #thefacesofmeth That emerald eyeshadow and those Elvira for Family Dollar false lashes!!  And WHAT is that dent in her forehead?? I’ll tell you what it is… bad Botox. Or Juvaderm. Or whatever expired baby bunny cartilage her dermo found in Karen Walker’s dumpster. Oh and also, she’s wearing the dress version of Liza’s putty kkk hood shoes and it’s  all HIGHLY offensive.

Kelly Clarkson- "From Justin to King Midas" if King Midas was a lizard...

Kristin Cavallari went as 1999 Oscars Angelina Jolie but with a ballerina's bun and I'm not ok with it.

I honestly have nothing bad to say about Tracee Ellis Ross’s outfit. The phrase ‘Charmin Noir’ comes to mind, but let’s not bc you know how much I love a turban/wrap!

Meryl Streep: You bore me to tears. I like your glasses.

It seems to be literally KILLING Giuliana Rancid that she can’t ask “Who are you wearing?” bc she is incapable of NOT pointing out the fact that she’s not asking that question to every person she's interviewed. And as always, she looks like the Queen from Antz but this year her skin is a particularly orange shade of Oscar Meyer all beef frank. She also has one of the most bulbous horse hair dino ponytails I’ve ever seen. She's like the anorexic version of Starla from Napoleon Dynamite. AND HER TAN LINES! I didn't know you got those from bottled self tanner...

Catherine Zeta Jones: I am still obsessed with CZJ even after recently rewatching Ocean’s Twelve for the first time since Cat and I fell asleep in the theater. Her face, her body, her dress, her earrings, her love for her thousand year old father in law… I am fully behind all of it!

Penelope Cruz: See above. #stunning

I don't know who this woman from Outlander is but I do know she better be on her way to audition at Tweetsie Railroad.

Connie Britton: NO.

Jessica Biel and J. Tim- don’t NO ONE CARE. I don’t know one person who watched ‘The Sinner’ (most people didn’t even know what I was talking about when I asked if they’d heard of it), so the fact that she is nominated is a testament to that Sexy Back money and nothing more. Just her talking about being a producer of the show is like… We get it…you’re the only one who would pay you to be an actress anymore. PS, your arms are fabulous.

Mandy Candy Moore: Olé!

Holy shit Diane Kruger looks amazing.

Unfortunately, Sarah Paulson is one of those I feel looks like she's in something cheap. Really cheap. Like she stole a leotard from the Xanadu Mourning collection and wrapped a table cloth around herself. And I can't say I love the choppiness of her bob.

Michele Williams- I’m still not over how ridiculous you looked on Dawson’s Creek, but your pixie has grown on me over the last few years but OHMYGOD what is that shelf in the back? Lloyd Christmas called…

Seth Myers looks like the singing sword and a foot had a baby and named it Cheremy.

Jamie Chung- First of all, why are you here? Secondly, you look like the winner of a ‘Grunge Bride’ themed stripper contest sponsored by Hefty in 2002. Those shoes….

Alexis Bledel- Let’s get this out of the way: I can’t stand you. You’re a mumbler with creepy Kewpie doll eyes and mouth. But as for what you’re wearing, GASP you’re not wearing solid black so you obviously don’t care about women!! But also, you must not care about yourself either because you look like one of Ariel’s sisters and Dionysus had a baby and it came out haunted.

Why is Dave Franco wearing so much rouge????

Alison Brie- Ok, you can channel Audrey Hepburn, I guess. Although her dress does resemble my senior prom dress from Cache. Oh wait- there’s a pants leg. You’re trash.

William H. Macy: Did Grubby die? That’s the only reason I can think of for Teddy Ruxpin to show up to the Golden Globes in all black…

Gal Gadot is clearly going to an audition for "A Chorus Line" after the Globes. Why else would she steal a maitre'd's jacket and cut it in half?

Saoirse Ronan looks perfect all around. I need all of it immediately, even though I’d look more like Bruce Villanche dressed in drag doing a David Bowie tribute than her svelte awesomeness…

Eva Longoria looks like a pregnant Sharpie.

It took me a solid 3 seconds & a glance at the caption to figure out I was looking at Halle Berry and not some mixed berry bag of Skittles from a prom themed episode of the CW’s Gossip Girl revival. And her bangs look gross and ridiculous. #whywontsheage??

I take it back: Reese Witherspoon looks like the pregnant Sharpie. Or maybe her daughter has decided to become a fashion designer and this was her first foray into an origami—inspired collection? #blacktobasics

Nicole Kidman (or Nicky Kickin it in the Moulin Rouge, as Jack McFarland calls her) looks flawless, as always. The one negative thing I will say is that I find flutter fly cap sleeves to be among the most offensive things in adult female fashion (mainly because the only humans that can pull them off are pre-teens, anorexics and Kate Moss (not that she’d ever wear them).

Viola Davis wins everything. Omg that hair and makeup and jewelry and dress. ⚰️⚰️⚰️

Did Zac-without-a-K Efron want people to mistake him for Milo Ventimiglia? Is that the reason for the mustache? Why is he even there? GASP! Are they already remaking High School Musical (because you know that’s in the works…) with him starring as Troy again?!? #prayerhands

Why exactly is Naomi Campbell at the Golden Globes, must less in a piece from the never-to-be-seen sketches Vivienne Westwood did for Guy Richie’s new pandering remake starring Madonna as Herlock Holmes?

Lily James- You are gorgeous perfection and I mean that because anyone that stars in a live action Disney remake is automatically on my shit list (I’m looking at you, Emmas Stone and Watson…) but what the actual hell are you wearing? You look like a Project Runway contestant’s submission on the theme “Maleficent’s entrance to the party.”

Octavia Spencer looks like the teacher who got to play Glinda’s role in a #metoo fundraising, high school production of Wicked after the lead was stricken with mono.

Greta Gerwig- I’m tempted to allow it, but only if you’re intentionally channeling Marchesa Luisa Casati.

Angelina Jolie- oh. my. god. I know I’m biased (as one of her long lost, adopted children she’s never acknowledged or heard of) but I cannot say one bad thing about this, especially since I’ve been in 100% Bombshell  Manual mode lately and anything with feathers or frills or femininity is giving me LIFE. #bestdressed

Elizabeth Moss: from Polly to Pollyana. Anyone that gets that is my lifelong friend and anyone that doesn’t please never talk to me again. But seriously honey, that waistline is not your friend.

Jessica Chastain- I think I love everything about this but am i crazy or does it make her look a little bulky? Tell me I’m crazy. I’m crazy. (Narrator: She was definitely crazy.)

omg Maggie Gyllenhaal is wearing the same Castle Greyskull, droopy-sleeve of wizard-vagine garment as Debra Messing! Is this a thing?? Gross. And those earrings are stupid too but I don’t know why.

Emilia Clarke is perfection (minus the bow but moving on) and I don’t even love GOT.

Geena Davis stole one of CZJ’S costumes from Chicago and i can’t say that I’m angry. I will say that I’m angry that the head designer at LOFT got hold of it and added a few of those filthy lace panels before she walked the red carpet, but since she still looks pretty flawless…I’LL ALLOW IT.

As always, Lena Headey looks like the drunk, badass aunt who was a groupie before falling into acting so I love her even more than when she gets drunk and sets people on fire on tv. The dress does look like something a goth would make to wear to a Renaissance fair, but who cares when she looks that cool in it?

I love Margot Robbie more than almost anyone in Hollywood today (even though she stole my life’s dream of playing Tonya Harding. Seriously, I’d started writing a short right before they announced that movie and I’m not even kidding), but I can’t say i know exactly what she was going for with this look… an Elsa-possessed mistletoe over her womb to subtly announce she’s expecting? A tribute to the portion of Fantasia where fairies ice skate to ‘Waltz of the Flowers’ as a nod to the ice goddess she plays in ‘I, Tonya?’ I’ve been staring at it for a few minutes now and can honestly say I have no clue.

Gwendolyn Christie- I have no idea what you are wearing but I do know that I am obsessed with your GOT character so you have my permission to do whatever you please.

Kerry Washington unfortunately looks like some anorexic basic at her junior prom. And those floral net booties are what a leprechaun wears to a funeral. wtf. Oh but her hair is on point.

Kate Hudson- Je refuse.

Chris Hemsworth can do no wrong even in a suit made from a brocade table cloth and VELVETEEN shoes so don’t even worry about it, honey.

Michelle Pfeiffer- omg i am heartbroken over how matronly you look!! As anyone who knows me knows, my mother could pass as your identical twin, so I take it kind of personally when you show up on the red carpet dressed as Marian the librarian’s widowed sister, Ovarian.

Zoe Kravtiz- Sweetie, it’s already been done and its name was Natalie Portman. A chunky, funky  emerald earring does make you look like Audrey Hepburn's edgy cousin though. Whatever- you still look gorgeous and I love you.

Kendall Jenner- There are so many things wrong with your look, much less your existence, but I’ll just sum it up with this: T. STRAPPED. POINTY. TOED. SHOES. Also, lay off the brow botox before you look like Debra Messing, or worse, Kylie Jenner. #gasp

Sarah Jessica Parker literally went as her character from Hocus Pocus attending a funeral.

Isabelle Huppert wins the night! Nope, spoke too soon. Her dress has those damned flutter sleeves on it too! What IS that? It’s trash, is what it is…

Roseanne Barr forgot to put a dress over her Spanx…

Ok, that's all I got. I barely watched any of the actual show bc I can't with most of those self important a-holes, so I can't comment on anything "exciting" or "interesting" that might have happened. Let me know if I missed anything highly offensive🥂

[humanoid-lovers]

Make Love to Your Eyes (wink, wink) Bruce, you da man! Totally enjoyed the editor's writing style that hilariously brings to life your fun, fun story!!! Just kidding! I know you really wrote it (wink, wink). Regardless of who or what wrote it, your book rocks. Every make-love page resonated with a fellow baby-boomer: Looking forward to the audio version turned up real loud (wink, wink). Go to Amazon

Five Stars this is the best Go to Amazon

Five Stars Excellent read!! Hail to the king!!! Go to Amazon

Love Bruce, love his book His snarky personality shines through in his book for sure! Go to Amazon

Five Stars Bruce is hilarious! Go to Amazon

A hysterical read Let me premise this by saying I am completely biased towards anything Bruce Campbell has done.... With that being said, this book has far outshot any of my expectations. I ended up having to hold my sides from laughing so much throughout the whole book! You can tell, he had a great time writing this book, funny and borders of the ludicrous, it still retains enough typical hi jinks from the man who made B-movies so worthwhile to watch. If you are a fan of his or if you are just looking for a hilarious book, this is a phenomenal choice. Go to Amazon

Five Stars Very funny book!!! Go to Amazon

BUY IT! Probably one of the funniest books I've ever read. Bruce Campbell spoofs himself and the hijinks he gets into working on an "A" movie. These includes problems he runs into while researching his role such as several run ins with the Secret Service, saving certain American treasures and getting framed by a punk kid producer. If you enjoy comedy or BC then you should buy this as it is well worth it. Go to Amazon

This Book Should Be Made Into a Movie! Three Stars but important role in a love story. As the book proceeds it (and the ... Five Stars Great book! I would recommend it to any Bruce ... Bruce at his best Sam Axe auditions for Brisco County Jr, the Movie You know it's good already. Fun read