#bc he's convinced himself he's unlovable

[markantonys]

down with the fandom narrative that min and nynaeve are The Only Ones Who Still Care About Rand/The Only Ones Who Don't Abandon Him just because they're the only ones who are permitted by the plot to stay physically near him throughout the second half of the series. his other loved ones love and worry about him so much! and it's extremely unfair to say that the fact that they can't take a break from their geographically-far-away plot obligations to go be his fulltime cheerleader like min and nynaeve can means they love him less.

What happened to your hand? Light-blinded fool, take better care of yourself. -Perrin

That arm ended in a stump. The first time Mat had seen that - a few weeks back - it had shocked him. How had Rand lost the hand? The man barely seemed alive, propped up like that, unmoving. Though his lips did seem to be moving, mumbling or muttering. Light! Mat thought. Burn you, what are you doing to yourself?

"This is what it must have been like for Rand. No, worse. The stories say he was locked in a box smaller than my cell. At least I can spend part of the evenings chatting with you [Siuan]. He had nobody." -Egwene

"He is well, and he will be well," Aviendha whispered fiercely, as if she intended to assure his survival by killing anything that threatened him.

He was not exactly as [Elayne] had dreamed of him. There had been a boyishness about him sometimes, but it was gone as if burned away. She mourned that for him. She did not think he did, or could.

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Obviously Trobed is the main love story of Community and is practically canon in one way or another and I adore it, but I must say on this rewatch I'm nursing a little flicker of a fond and curious spark about the possibilties of Jabed

[assiraphales]

on my hands and knees sobbing bc wolverine(s) constantly questioned his self worth and sense of belonging, has tried convincing everyone including himself that he’s a lone wolf when he’s a pack animal, considered himself nothing but a killer destined to die alone (if he even could), and thought of himself as an ugly unlovable thing just for deadpool 3 to be like ‘actually logan howlett is so important to the integrity of the xmcu that reality began to collapse in his absence’ and give the “worst” wolverine (aka a version who couldn’t save his friends and now lives in isolation) a home

[jaskierx]

anyway posting some thoughts from the discord about how many 'irl relationship' things they're dealing with in ep7 and how much i am eating my mattress about it

they rushed into sex and ed regrets it and that doesn't stop it from having been consensual and fun but the fact that it was consensual and fun doesn't mean that it was a good idea

ed feeling like he can't watch stede make the same mistakes he did but also feeling like he can't ask stede to leave piracy for him when stede is just getting started. and ultimately he's too scared to ask stede to leave piracy for him because what if stede says no? what if stede looks him in the eyes and confirms yes, you are unloveable, yes i'm choosing piracy over you, no i don't love you enough, why would you ever think i could love you enough to do this for you?

just the overall turmoil of being at a different life stage to your partner - like the difficulty of when you're at the beginning of your career and they're established in theirs, or when you've had lots of relationships and they've only had you, or when you're ready to settle down and have kids but they're not, and nobody is in the wrong, it's just difficult

making a breakup about a completely unrelated issue bc you can't voice the actual problem. twisting it into 'we're fundamentally incompatible' (fishermen and pirates are completely different) so you can convince yourself it's not because you're not good enough. if you hit self destruct and leave without explaining things maybe it'll be less painful than opening up about what's actually wrong only to have them throw it back at you and leave you anyway. maybe if i pretend it was never going to work out i don't need to think about why it stopped working in the first place

stede still feeling like he's not good enough for ed and trying to change himself to make himself feel more worthy. unable to comprehend that anyone could possibly love someone so soft and inadequate. feeling like he doesn't even want ed to like him for who he is, feeling insecure that ed only likes him bc he's weak, feeling like he needs to toughen up to earn ed's love. the eternal worry of 'my partner is the best person in the world and i am just a worm so why are they here, why are they staying with me, what's their motive, what can i do to change myself so they actually want to stay for me and not for whatever reason they've got going on'

basically these 18th century gay pirates are experiencing every problem you've ever had with a partner and they're gonna be fine and so are you i love you

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

anyway necessary abuse analysis after I watched the episode bc like. c’mon I cannot avoid that.

as of episode 12, obviously i do not know much about ozai, azula (I am spoiled to hell on this show i know she exists), and even really zuko (i was not expecting him to be that obviously a child at that moment jesus fucking Christ) but i think there’s a lot you can gather from specifically the dynamic of abuse set up.

ozai clearly sees his children as extensions of himself- less as people and more as status symbols he can throw out if they stop working. and that’s really shown in the way zuko was abused. not just the very obvious severe physical abuse- not only did he severely and painfully scar his like twelve? maybe? year old son, but he likely at the very least also severely hampered his vision (look at his eye, it’s noticeably unable to open properly where the scar tissue is) and disabled him for life)- but specifically how it was set up to publicly humiliate zuko.

the agni kai was a public spectacle- there’s so many people in the audience, it’s horrifying to think about (though thankfully it seems that it's not entirely common knowledge)- one where he humiliated and degraded zuko for his lack of “honour”- which was him showing compassion and him being a child who loved his father and was terrified of hurting him and just wanted to know how to fix things. it’s a very calculated, deliberate act of abuse, and considering the severity it almost certainly was not the first instance- in fact, zuko's immediate apologetic behaviour and terror at the idea of his father seems to suggest he's been abused before, being (understandable) trauma responses.

i think the way azula acts supports this even further- she’s not at all surprised at the, again, very very severe and visceral physical abuse happening in front of her, only reacting by grinning. she has seen this before. not to this extent, nothing that left scars- or at least, obvious ones- perhaps not even prior physical abuse, but her brother being humiliated and made to feel small and worthless in front of her is something that is simply normal to her. zuko gets abused, and she watches proud that it isn’t her. it’s abusive to her too, in that sense- it’s a threat of violence, if she ever makes her father lose face. their existence is to make their father look good and to be useful- and if they aren’t, they’ll be discarded in the cruellest of ways. that is just something the two grew up knowing, one way or another.

and like, this is clearly why zuko is like that. he’s obsessed with honour because that is a tool that has clearly been used against him to justify his fathers abuse even before this- it’s an ideal he strives for because he thinks it’ll make him worthy of love. and that’s all he wants, for his dad to love him, because he is still a teenager and inherently trusts his parents and blames himself for his own abuse because of that. if he was abused and discarded, it’s his fault in his mind. he needs to fix it, he's the problem in the family. he's fixated so heavily on it because he’s convinced that it’s the only way anyone would ever love or care for him at all- and even the love his uncle shows him can’t convince him otherwise, because he can't accept the idea that he even deserves it. zuko might appear cocky, but he’s the opposite- he’s been brought up to view himself and his worth only in the value he served his father, and cut off from that he sees himself as someone worthless, someone completely unlovable, and he's desperate to fix it, because he views it as his moral failure.

i just. ugh. fucking hell. i am killing ozai with my bare hands those are children those are Tiny how can you look at like young Zuko and fucking do that he’s so obviously a child and it’s so clear this is not the first time this has happened and I’m killing and maiming. ow.

[dustteller]

Reading He Who Drowned the World and honestly Baoxiang has no right to be as bitchy as he is about Ouyang squandering Esen's love or whatever. Baoxiang is genuinely convinced that Esen loathes him. No you dumb bitch, your brother loves you and the reason he's giving you a hard time is because he wants you to be safe and happy and healthy. Yeah, he sucks at expressing it, and his efforts are misguided (bc the toxic masculinity gender rolesis fucking up Esen as much as it's fucking up everyone else), but Esen very much does love Baoxiang deeply. Every time Baoxiang remembers a time when Esen "enjoyed his fear" or whatever, I can only think of these parts of Esen's POV from the first book:

Esen's first instinct is to defend his brother. The only reason he doesn't is bc Baoxiang leaves before he can. And Baoxiang glares at him bc he assumes that Esen agrees with Altan and won't defend him, but no, Esen WANTED to defend him and it's Baoxiang that took away his oportunity to do so.

And a bit later, we have this interaction. Baoxiang assumes (again) that Esen would hate him if he was gay, and immediately goes on the defensive. Meanwhile, Esen literally does not care about this except for how it would affect his brother's reputation. He's just WORRIED. He doesn't care if Baoxiang is gay or whatever, but he's deeply aware that if he IS it would put him in more danger. Because, again, he cares about his brother, and he hates seeing what he assumes is Baoxiang making his own life harder.

And it's heartbreaking bc Baoxiang will probably never realize how much Esen adores him. He's so jealous of Ouyang for having his brother's heart without realizing that Esen sees him as his beloved baby brother and is desperately trying to protect him from a world that he KNOWS is cruel to him. Baoxiang will never know that his greatest supporter and the only person that loved him unconditionally was Esen. And maybe it would be WORSE if he realized how dear he was to Esen, because the realization that all thise things that caused him pain were borne out of a deep, unconditional LOVE and not the disdain he's convinced himself Esen felt for him might break him. Baoxiang has deluded himself into simplifying Esen's feelings for him into those of hate and disdain because its so much harder to accept that the person you love the most has destroyed you out of love. Baoxiang is doing the exact same thing Ouyang does in convincing himself that he's unlovable and relishing in the world's response as a form of self-harm. And Esen, who is genuinely trying (and floundering horribly) is a great tool for Baoxiang to use to tear himself apart.

And, on the other hand, Esen will never realize how much damage his attempts to help Baoxiang caused. He loves him so much, bc that's his baby brother! It's his job to protect him! But Esen has been raised as the golden poster child of a Mongol Warrior Man, a perfect pinacle of masculinity, and is thus doomed to only being able to express his love and acceptance for Baoxiang through a tough love, lets sand down all the edges to remove friction approach. For him, pushing Baoxiang into a box IS an act of love. It's the act of saying I love and accept you, and so I will help you succeed in all the things you're bad at so that everyone will love you too. Except by doing this, he doesn't realize how awful he's being and how he's asking someone that CANT ever fit the mold to break himself in the attempt. He's a perfect Mongol Warrior Man after all, and as such he has never been given the tools to express his affection in a healthy way. He will never truly understand how much he's an asshole, not because he is lacking in love (as Baoxiang assumes) or because he is incapable of sympathizing (as ouyang thinks), but because understanding is not something allowed of him and his role in society. At the end of the day, Esen is as much a slave to his role as all the other characters are, and now he's dead he will never be able to break free of the assumptions people have made of him. He went to his grave having destroyed the people he loved most, and now he will never have the chance to prove their assumptions wrong as be better.

[crazylittlejester]

I think wars would be evil because hear me out, instead of it being because he’s to overconfident. It’s because his self esteem is terrible and went DOWN. Do you SEE the parallels. He feels like the chain doesn’t care about him bc self esteem issues be relating in the microwave. But Dink is the one who tells him it’s ok makes him feel loved like he’s important he listens to him he makes wars feel like he matters to SOMEBODY. And it hurts even more when he learns Dink was using him, because if the only person he thought truly loved him was using him, does that mean he’s unlovable that dink was lying when he said those things is wars really just what the chain thought he was? It makes it harder to adjust to being with the chain again. Because he doesn’t understand why they’d want him back. He’s not even technically they’re brother. Why do they still want him?

hmmm, I can definitely see it. I think it would take a LOT to get him to turn against the others though. Even if he genuinely fully believed they didn’t care about him at all, I don’t think he’d ever want to betray them and prove to them he’s horrible (if he thinks thats how they see him), and I don’t think he’d ever want to hurt them. Dink would have to convince him somehow that joining HIM would protect the others, or that Dink was the only one who could save them or something, and he’d have to be incredibly persistent and manipulative to weasel his way into Wars’s head. Maybe Dink even promises if Warriors joins him he can break the cycle or something and spare whatever heroes would come after Wars. I don’t think Warriors would ever intentionally hurt the others, if he betrayed them it would be because he fully believed what he was doing was helping them. Unless they all did something absolutely HORRIFIC to him that broke his trust and he felt he needed to get revenge? But I think he cares about the others too much to ever hurt them intentionally

Personally, if Wars was going to turn to the dark side, I don’t think he’d let himself be second in command to ANYONE. No matter how low his self esteem gets, I don’t think he’d ever want to feel like he’s taking orders from someone higher than him again

But I can see this, and it’d make a really interesting fic idea! fuckin RIP to my boy Warriors and his identity issues 😭

[yersina]

thinking abt evan buck buckley and him growing up in a house where he wasn’t exactly unloved, but unseen and alone anyway. how he first felt abandoned by his parents and then his sister and how the very first girl we see him with in the show tells him ‘this was nice and all but i don’t want anything more’. how i never quite believed his whole sex addiction thing bc the first thing we see him ask for is a deeper connection. how hard he held on to his first meaningful romantic relationship. (how she left him anyway.) how hard he holds on to the 118, and how desperately he wants to believe that they’re going to be friends and family forever. how he’s so quick to jump to conclusions about how someone must hate him or want to leave him bc he’s convinced the other person thinks the same of him, but he still tries so hard anyway because what if this is the person? this is the one who doesn’t leave him?

thinking abt how buck throws himself into his work as a firefighter bc he’s doing something meaningful, for once. how much that means to him. how he attaches his self worth to his ability to save people. how it’s a reflection of his childhood and his attempts to get attention bc that’s the only way his parents would give him affection. (how it eventually morphed back into disappointment anyway.) how he’s never really bragged about ‘saving lives’ to any of his dates and how awful he clearly felt about being called a hero. how he feels like he needs to save everyone, because otherwise it’s a failure. he’s a failure. because what else does he have?

thinking abt buck and how he paints his whole world in black and white, all or nothing, us vs them, life vs death, loving vs leaving.

[quillyfied]

Hellaverse Theories: Hazbin Hotel S1E7

Welcome to Quilly’s Hellaverse Theories, where I overthink the entire Hellaverse! Had to take a break this week bc prep for my medical procedure today kicked my entire butt, but I’m back for the final two episodes! Wahoo!

Penultimately, Hazbin Hotel s1e7:

Hello, Alastor, my beloved creep. Gotta hand it to the man, he knows when to time his entrances. A consummate performer to the bone. But he’s also really cementing his skills as a deal-maker in this scene, which comes with a certain level of manipulation and understanding how people tick. Charlie wouldn’t have been open to making a deal with him until she was at the end of her rope, like she is now; as naïve and sweet as she is, she isn’t blind to who and what Alastor is. And right now, she isn’t even being sweet. She rightfully calls Alastor on his behavior, who is SOUNDING nice in tone but isn’t actually BEING nice in words, before giving in to Alastor’s prodding and unearthing the root of her issue, which is her own perceived failure and incompetence. (Side note to cackle at how Alastor creeps into the corner of the screen when Charlie mentions “the cruelest Overlord in Hell” like yes babe we all know it’s you now keep that ego in check.) She’s stressed, she’s overwhelmed, she’s been made brutally aware of the depths of her own hubris and how badly her overconfidence could backfire on everything and everyone she loves. In a word: she’s vulnerable. Vulnerable people in Hell make deals. Alastor couldn’t have picked a better moment if he’d designed it himself.

Putting himself forward as the mentor in this moment is another careful, deliberate form of pressure that Alastor as a deal-maker is using in this game. He’s been building that relationship all season, but actually utilizing himself in that role rather than indulging Charlie while sniping at the rest of the cast is new for him. In his way, I believe he’s being very genuine with Charlie when he’s teaching her about smiles. She wears her heart on her sleeve; she could stand to “talk less, smile more” (wrong musical oops), both for her own benefit but also for her utility as a tool in Alastor’s arsenal. He’s also being very careful—he’s touching her more, which as a touchy person Charlie is usually more receptive to (but notice she’s pushing him away every time he does it), he’s being playful, he’s frankly acting his ass off and working their connection like his life depends on it (it does let’s be real). They’re in a perfect sweet spot of Charlie being desperate and her trust in him, while not absolute, still being strong enough for her to be receptive to his advice. It’s a delicate moment; Charlie still requires convincing, reassurance. She’s still very aware of who Alastor is when she asks if he’s actually asking for her soul, when she tells him she won’t hurt anyone for him. But Alastor didn’t get to his position by being an amateur in the game. He wouldn’t ask if he didn’t have something of equal or greater value to offer, and the means to save her friends and stand up to Heaven is one of the bigger aces up his sleeves. Charlie doesn’t want or need personal power. She isn’t swayed by promises of greater influence, she doesn’t care about riches. She cares about people—HER people, the sinners that she’s determined to protect after her parents couldn’t (or wouldn’t, depending on which parent and which point in the story we’re at).

There’s an old cliché about love making people weak that’s paradoxically both true and false. Loving others does open us up to having more vulnerable spots, more weak points that could be exploited by evil forces. But it also makes us stronger and more willing to go above and beyond for our communities. The Hellaverse loves this interplay—Helluva Boss is making a right old meal out of it, but it’s also the core of Hazbin Hotel. Charlie’s power comes from her love for the unlovable. It’s also her greatest weakness, even moreso than her relentless determination to believe in the best in people. Idealists tend to be easy to manipulate, but they’re also most likely to pull an unlikely win out of absolutely nowhere. Alastor never really explicitly says how he feels about Charlie—because why would we ever get anything genuine out of him—but reading between the lines presents such an interesting setup. He’s not working with Charlie because he believes in her or her vision; his only stated reason for being there is “entertainment.” And yet, he dismisses Mimzy because she causes problems for him, he pulled in two souls he owns to work there too, he’s putting his powers towards fixing the place up and protecting it when needed, he’s there every single day. The hotel itself probably means nothing to him, but Charlie herself is who he’s attaching himself to. More insight on this later in the episode because I keep trying to get ahead of myself when there’s real, actual meat in front of me to chew on.

SO. THE DEAL. The deal with Charlie. The deal specifically struck with Charlie to help Charlie, Charlie’s deal.

First interesting tidbit: Charlie HAS a soul. Which. Hmm. She’s Hellborn, in that she was born in Hell, but her father is a fallen angel and her mother is a sinner (or at least a human who defied Heaven) turned something Else. What this means for Charlie taxonomically is unclear, but she at least believes she has a soul—though, again, whether as mechanic or metaphor is not specified yet. Hellborn don’t really have souls (and presumably neither do Heavenborn), according to the wiki; when they die, they become part of the landscape of Hell. But souls in HH have utility. They’re a resource. They imply movement up and down the Heaven/Hell divide and power in interpersonal dealings. Charlie might have an actual soul courtesy of Lilith, but what she actually has courtesy of both of her parents is power, power that she herself doesn’t wield much and hasn’t developed fully yet.

Next interesting tidbit: Alastor has been shown making deals for things that are not souls—favors, mostly, but we can also guess from his freaky skill set that even if he doesn’t gain a soul from a deal, he does still gain some sort of power from the exchange. He isn’t stupid enough to go after Charlie’s soul directly, but a favor—a very broadly-worded favor, in fact, which I’ll get to in a minute—a favor from a member of the royal family of Hell is enough to give Alastor a palpable, worrisome boost. Vox was right to be worried about this happening—and he and the Vees were also absolutely right in giving up on trying to stop it and focusing their endeavors on their continued mass takeover of Hell (see the ways in which I shout incoherently about Velvette manipulating an entire room of Overlords into leaving themselves even more scattered and vulnerable for the bonus Extermination back in my Episode 3 analysis).

Next tidbit: the wording. “One favor at a time of my choosing where you harm no one.” Deal-making is a slippery business, and the wording of this is both ominous and vague. “Favor” could mean anything, especially in Hell, where magic is a thing. “At a time of my choosing” so holding onto the power pretty tightly as well as not locking either of them into anything specific (because Alastor could very easily choose to never cash in. He won’t, but he could, and it’s that complacency that lulls people into a false sense of security, especially the longer the bill takes to come due). “Where you harm no one” but notice how that doesn’t mean the same thing as no one getting hurt. My theory: the favor is going to involve letting Alastor harm someone without Charlie’s interference, though who is beyond me right now. Overall, it’s vague, and it’s almost comforting in that vagueness. Charlie can imagine whatever she wants into that promise, and while she’s right to be cautious, she still doesn’t let it stop her from making the deal, because Alastor’s knowledge is more important to her.

And this is how Alastor becomes powerful enough to even give Adam a run for his money, but I’ll talk more about that next episode.

The Egg Bois being unreliable empty-headed little darlings might be the funniest possible way to sidestep “we had this information months ago” problem, actually. And it also puts the gravity of the knowledge into perspective, if Carmilla’s power ballad didn’t ram that point home hard enough. Angels being killable is nonsense on par with outlandish conspiracy theories. And it’s about to be common knowledge real soon.

(To those folks who look at Rosie and think she’s a fallen angel because she has a feathered neck: I beg of you to look up 1910s American fancy dress for women. That’s the collar of her dress, folks. They went up that high.)

Alastor’s connections with Mimzy and Rosie paint some interesting shades onto the portrait of who he is. Backstory from the wiki indicates he trusts and gets along better with women over men (insofar as he trusts anyone), but tossing that to the curb, they’re the only two people he seems to have any kind of positive bond with from his past. Mimzy’s attachment is probably one more of familiarity, since he’s the one bailing her out of trouble over and over, but Rosie is not just an equal, but older than him and someone he trusts enough to both ask outrageous favors from and accept leads on business deals. He allows Rosie to touch him far more than he allows Mimzy (and thus WAY more than anyone else), and he treats her with not just courtesy but directness. He doesn’t double-speak or insinuate his way around her; he doesn’t give her false pleasantries. How Alastor treats Rosie speaks of mutual trust and if not friendship, then as close to it as he gets. And Rosie returns that investment, which, as the most emotionally intelligent character on the show and certainly the one who may understand Alastor most, may show hints of how far Alastor’s true loyalty to another person can go when the relationship is mutually beneficial. I have no doubt that there is still a limit to that trust, but the threshold being so high is impressive for not just sinners, but Overlords. Once again, highlighting that the Vees’ alliance, while formidable, isn’t built to last, because the Vees themselves don’t trust each other.

Alright, Vaggie and Carmilla detour! First things first: Vaggie’s a soldier. Her being a former Exorcist (though…that’s me, putting “former” in there. No other character does. She’s an Exorcist. Which implies more and more that Exorcists are themselves a class of angel rather than an occupation, but still, don’t know if they’re Heavenborn or recruited winners) makes more and more sense in hindsight. And my Hellaverse friend was very gleeful in telling me how validating it was to hear Carmilla Carmine lay out the reasons, because it echoes all the angel!Vaggie theories going around about her before the show dropped, which is fair, because it took me by surprise on my first watchthrough and hearing it explained so deadpan made me feel sheepish. BUT. GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF AGAIN. The point: Vaggie attempting to wield Charlie’s power really drives home two things: one, that Vaggie falls back on the rigid structure of army life when uncomfortable (which we saw already in e3); and two, that Hell does not give two solitary rugged shits about the royal family. Which is fair for Pride; why would the prideful care about authority above their own, especially when it hides away making ducks or disappears entirely or opens delusional hotels and doesn’t actually do any significant ruling at all?

But it’s important that Vaggie herself gets a stark slap in the face on that front, because she doesn’t understand Hell and its sinners any more than Charlie does; her encouragement to Charlie to “command a little more authority” in e4 only causes Angel to get more hurt, because neither of them truly understood both the situation and the general way souls and soul contracts seem to work. They aren’t sinners, and it’s now very debatable if Vaggie was ever human, either. So her tutelage under Carmilla Carmine (very neatly mirroring Charlie and Alastor’s relationship, by the way) is less about teaching Vaggie how to kill angels and more about teaching Vaggie how to survive in Hell in general. They had a solid parallel in e3 that’s now paying off, and there may also be something to be said about real-world Latina woman generational solidarity that I am nowhere near equipped or qualified to discuss, but the point is this: Vaggie is now getting her grow-up moment the same as Charlie, and putting them side by side while Charlie and Vaggie aren’t glued to each other’s sides is damn good storytelling, actually.

So. Carmilla is destroying all of Vaggie’s arguments as to why she should help. What she’s doing is the same as what she does when she starts actively fighting Vaggie: she’s stripping Vaggie of her posturing (stiff and formal), her reliance on empty structures (Charlie’s social standing), and even her anger (fear, helplessness, shame, self-hatred) to get to the real reason of why Vaggie really needs Carmilla’s help, because it’s that reason that Vaggie needs to harness. And that reason, put forth in a musical number that still gives me chills every time? Love. Real, hard, messy, excruciating, liberating love. Vaggie has been filling the hole that Heaven left in her life with Charlie, and it’s been working for her, but all the other things, most significantly her anger—she doesn’t need them anymore. She doesn’t need to swap Adam and Heaven with Princess Charlie and Hell, she needs to swap them with Charlie her girlfriend and the sinners she cares about.

(Side note to talk about how at first, Carmilla’s hair is up while she’s fighting Vaggie, until Vaggie complains about not being used to fighting with long hair. Next frame, Carmilla’s hair is down. I feel robbed for not getting that animation of the hair coming down, but I’ll live somehow. Because the fact that they did it in the first place is such a small but cool detail and I love it.)

NOW BACK TO CHARLIE: her journey from shattered confidence to enthusiastic leader is multilayered and handled beautifully, really; with Alastor and Rosie standing in as parental/mentor figures she hasn’t had in a long time, their confidence in her is one thing, but it’s the support that drives home once again that community and bonds matter. And not only that, the fact that Charlie has been trying all season (and all pilot too, non-canon as it is now) to sing-and-dance her way through her problems and NOW of all times when it should actually WORK is when she CAN’T, because her heart and head are both all scrambled, is delicious. And another support to the theme that self-improvement AND being true to yourself aren’t mutually exclusive things but instead mutually beneficial—I’d go so far as to say mutually vital. Living in a violent, chaotic, meaningless, hurtful world changes the people living in it, to the point where they become something unrecognizable to even themselves just to survive. Hazbin Hotel has a very literal way of showing that (see everyone’s demon forms). It also spends a lot of time on very carefully building the theme that even at rock-bottom, change for the better is not only possible, but a good thing, even if it makes life harder and messier in a lot of ways. It also improves it, to the point where this ragtag group of assholes are ready to fight and die for each other by the end of the season. Charlie never needed to change her core personality; she just needed to grow up a little, to see the nuance in the world around her. She’s still getting there, but she’s TRYING. My goodness is she trying.

Alright, flashing back to Vaggie and Carmilla for a bit: the explanation Carmilla gives for angelic steel’s abilities against angels and demons alike makes sense, but it does still itch at my brain with ‘BUT HOW LONG HAVE THE EXTERMINATIONS BEEN GOING ON THO’ questions. However, I’ll pull myself away from that corkboard of madness to shriek about another question: where does angelic steel even come from? And how could it be that with an entire army of angels training with angelic steel, nobody got cut or hurt with it before? Or did they just assume it could hurt but not kill? Listen I think I’m digging into the cracks of the writing and not actually chasing a rational thread here but I said I was getting Weird about this show and I meant it, I’m gnawing on a marrowless bone here and desperately hoping it still yields sustenance. XD

ANYWAY.

I fully missed Vaggie getting her wings ripped out the first several times I watched HH (I blame my squeamish nature; probably looked away too long from the eyeball thing), but her getting her wings BACK is certainly hard to miss. And they’re different from her original wings, too, which really solidifies that she’s left Heaven behind and is fully committed to being here in Hell with Charlie. Not just Heaven, but the hurt and the rage her casting out left her with, too, the mistrust, the baggage. She’ll still be dealing with it, but she’s starting to move on from it, to embrace who she is now, to hate herself less. Folks who say the wing scene is meaningless are missing the point—it isn’t about the wings. It’s about Vaggie and her outlook on life. That’s what the whole song was about, redirecting herself from a vengeance-based view to a love-based view and using that as her foundation to fight on. This show has such good storytelling it makes me feral.

Also lol miss “no more weapons” turning a full 180 to “we’re gonna need more weapons.”

Just gonna tuck the significance of Rosie, one of Alastor’s closest allies, being the one to say, “Words are cheap, but actions, they speak the truth.” Just gonna. Just gonna hold onto that one. Just gonna hold that close and use that as the measuring stick against which I measure the Radio Demon in upcoming seasons. Like it’s a major show theme too but also specifically for the morally dubious cannibalistic deer man, I’m gonna be keeping my eye on him with that tidbit in mind.

I said it before in a very rambly way but let me be more concise: Charlie learning to trust in herself and it actually working out the way she wants it to for once is probably why this episode makes me so teary upon multiple viewings. Like. Vaggie learning to ditch her baggage that was holding her back also makes me cry a little too but Charlie learning that she’s always been enough is. I need a minute. Go watch some cannibals tap dance for a bit.

Very interesting wording, before we get to the obvious Alastor plotting undertones: “I guess I’ve always known my destiny could never be postponed.” Charlie is full of such interesting contradictions. She’s born to be a leader, wants to help and serve by leading, and yet she doesn’t like wielding any kind of authority or power over other people. Which frankly is what makes a good leader half the time, the humility to remember that you aren’t better than the people you’re guiding, but I am so desperately curious to know more about Lilith so we can compare Charlie’s style to hers. I’ve seen so many—SO MANY—interpretations of Lilith at this point, and all of them valid, and we know that Charlie looks up to her mother and wants to make her proud and cares about Hell because Lilith did, but keep in mind that Charlie very much wears rose-tinted glasses when it comes to the people around her. Interpretations where Lilith is a proto-Charlie who cared so much about Hell and helping its people are intriguing (especially against all the interpretations where Lilith is just evil, like come on folks have some nuance and originality here, because if we’re gonna demonize (lol) Lilith for running off to Heaven for seven years, you had BEST NOT be giving Lucifer a break for his THOUSANDS of years of possible negligence to his kingdom just because he’s apocalyptically depressed. They’re both entitled to a bad decisions due to burnout and trauma, but check your internalized misogyny; just because Lucifer’s depression is front and center and actively joked about doesn’t mean Lilith isn’t struggling with something too) (I am talking to myself too, folks, don’t worry, I know what I’ve said in past posts has slanted more Lucifer-friendly than Lilith-friendly but again…we just DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT LILITH. WE KNOW NOTHING. NOBODY BUT ADAM AND CHARLIE EVER TALKS ABOUT HER. EXCUSE ME I NEED TO FROTH FOR A SECOND), but Charlie and Lilith being carbon copies of each other is probably not the truth. The Hellaverse likes to deal with the complexities of messy relationships, and I would bet money on Charlie and Lilith’s relationship being MESSY. And if it wasn’t before, it sure is about to be.

Where was I? Right. Charlie. Coming to accept her responsibilities as the upcoming leader of Hell, rather than putting off her title and her authority because using them to get things feels mean and wrong to her. Yeah, they absolutely can be mean and wrong when used improperly, but Charlie has been learning so much about leading this season. And the fact that she’s admitting that there was a part of her that didn’t want the position is so fascinating. Because she knows from both of her parents that there is bureaucracy and unpleasant tasks and sometimes being not-so-nice involved in being a leader, especially a leader of a chaotic, violent, traumatized, emotionally unstable place like Hell. And she’s ACCEPTING IT. SHE’S ACCEPTING IT INSTEAD OF THINKING SHE CAN AVOID IT BY FIXING EVERYONE ELSE’S PROBLEMS. DO YOU GET THAT.

Which leads me to Alastor’s surprisingly revealing (for him) comment in the song: “She’s filled with potential that I could guide.” Like. Yeah, dude. This is the sticking point, for me, against the theory of Lilith making a deal with Alastor and ordering him to look after Charlie (for success or failure, take your pick): while I believe he could still make this comment if this were true, it rings far more true to me that Alastor latched onto Charlie as a way to circumvent his deal rather than fulfill it. Charlie is practically a non-entity in Hell, but at least more approachable and far easier to manipulate than Lucifer would be (and present, which rules out Lilith). She underestimates herself, but she has undeniable power even if she doesn’t realize it or is uncomfortable with it—which makes her prime pickings for Alastor, not even counting the abandonment issues, the desperate need for validation, the need to fix everything around her and Alastor being a walking bag of Nope…and then for Rosie to follow that up with “I concur!” just in case anyone forgot she is also an Overlord, albeit a strangely genuine one. And then the joint line: “Stick with her, you’ll be on the winning side.” Definitely more of a follower-type line than a shadow-leader-type line, but I’ll let Alastor have it; his actions, after all, speak to a dedication to Charlie that perhaps he isn’t quite prepared to deal with. But next episode.

Small moment to also feel emotional that the boys all stayed; and not only that, that they were preparing to stay even if Charlie, Vaggie, and Alastor didn’t come back. They CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER DAMMIT.

Alright, I’m off to make dinner and then! The finale! And final thoughts that I’ve been dragging out over the entire season!!

[myhiraeth]

@starlightfreed​ sent: what lie does your muse often tell to themselves ? // honestly for all your muses bc I’d just be curious if you only shared about a few 

If I went into detail on all of them this would be like, miles long, so here’s the short version and I’m happy to expand on anyone that you’re interested in !! 

Circe - That she's okay. Rarely is she ever ACTUALLY okay, but she tries to convince herself that she is so she can convince others that she is. 

Louis - That he can't be fixed, that he's just a monster and that's all he'll ever be. 

Styxx - That one day his brother will stop hating him. 

Fox - That she's unloveable. 

Mbege - That he's not enough. 

Dick - That he's can balance being everything to everyone. That he's not constantly burning himself raw. (to clarify, he loves being the most and best son/sibling/hero/friend/lover/etc, but he can't balance it and he tells himself that he can) 

Jason - That he doesn't care. 

Gina - That she's not destined for anything more than this life. 

Blaise - That he's going to end up just like his mom or worse: just like her husbands.

[marshmallowprotection]

hello hello. i dont know if you're into pokemon but I started playing Violet the other day and I tend to nickname my pokemon after whatever my current hyperfixation is so ofc right now they're getting mysme nicknames (right now my charcadet is (suit) Saeran (gonna evolve into ceruledge), my kirlia is Ray (gonna evolve into gardevior). i plan to catch a sneasel/weavile for unknown (totally didnt get the idea from an art i saw). Trying to pick something for saeyoung but nothing has felt right yet. an electric type? fire? maybe a dog pokemon bc with his loved ones saeyoung is both an excited puppy AND a guard dog)

ANYWAY so I started wondering about everyone's favorite twins and pokemon

What kind of pokemon do you think saeyoung and the various saerans would have? what would they be if they WERE pokemon? in a canon setting would they play pokemon?

i can see saeyoung with fire/steel/electric types, especially robot- or machine-like pokemon. ray/ge saeran with grass types is obvious, but I can also see him with fairy types. theyre deceptively cute but can mess you up. suit and unknown scream dark type teams. maybe some poison types for unknown. like i think he'd have team rocket/[insert region team] grunt-esque pokemon.

saeyoung and all of the saeran's have at least one pokemon (probably their first/partner) that they found abandoned and in bad shape that they took in and it decided to stay with them after it recovered.

maybe they have an espeon (saeyoung) and an umbreon (saeran) to complement their "we're opposites but in a balanced and complimentary way" vibe.

and also bc i must inflict this on all my faves who are convinced they're bad and unlovable: at least one pokemon on their team evolves with high friendship/affection. even better if for some reason he doesn't know what causes that pokemon to evolve and he maybe cries a little when he finds out. what do you mean he's LOVED??

ANYWAY sorry for the really long ramble haha. this was supposed to be a short ask but it kinda got away from me 😅 anyway, i hope you have a good day!! i love your writing and character analyses!!

Oh, you've come to the right person today, because I spend my time stressing out over what Pokemon I would use on their teams if I ever wrote a story for it. I've done this a few times before but I can never really make my mind up so I wouldn't say that this is a concrete idea. So, here is a slider I would use for Ray > Suit Saeran > GE Saeran. I think some of it is self-explanatory. I suggest dark, ghost, and grass if anything.

Phantump for a Ray who feels lost and dead to the world. Polteageist for his desire to feel like a prince in his haunted castle. Budew for a boy who can't be fully blossomed just yet... but, he's so close to that chance. Suit Saeran would only use one Pokemon in my mind and it's Banette. A Pokemon that happens to be seeking revenge in the same way he is. It might seem like a major stretch but mega evolution seems incredibly possible in this situation.

Shaymin is the Pokemon of gratitude and I feel like it would appear in the garden when he is in the process of thanking you for being there with him as he finally freed himself from his heavy chains. He and Saeyoung do have a set of Eevee together! I feel like they need to have a matched set, and his Eevee has been tucked away in their pokeball for a while until he realized the error of his ways.

Whereas, Saeyoung is always really tough to work with because there's so many different Pokemon that would work for him symbolically. Sure, we can pick some joke options if we want to do so, but I'm trying to imagine what would work for his work in the agency. Did they give him a team or is it a team he's caught himself?

In the end I just decided to give him a team that he crafted. He deserves to have a cat that shoots fireballs from its mouth. Of course, I don't imagine that'll end well for him since the cat likely gives him a free haircut everyday with burnt edges. Rotom is the given. Everybody who's ever drawn him with the Pokemon always gives him Rotom. It's right. Three heads are better than one! Magneton helps to hack and unlock problems!

His Eevee doesn't battle. It's kept safe in his bunker, or it's Pokeball. He hates to make Eevee sad about not seeing its own twin or Saeran. Magearna makes sense to me, because what is more in character for him than to discover this mechanical Pokemon and help bring it back to life? Minior for the stars! It's either that or Clefairy. I couldn't make up my mind but in the end I decided on stars.

Which brings me to Unknown and SE Saeran. Yeah, SE Saeran will receive that Megearna as a gift from his brother. His Porygon-Z likely was released after Mint Eye was taken down, or it's still in the box for now since that was likely his main partner for being able to hack into the RFA. Mimikyu and Banette are self-explanatory. Budew would be a new addition in his time spent trying to enjoy the clouds and grass! Milcery is a surprise, though! I have a feeling that is a companion he made one afternoon that tried to sample his ice cream and now he's got a friend that helps him craft his own ice cream.

[sciderman]

so i thought too much about this.

i like the toxicity between peter and wade.

pete and wade could not have had a perfectly healthy romantic relationship with anyone bc they were so fucked up before they met each other. like if you think how much they’ve grown since the start of the blog…

they bring out the worst in each other but they’re willing to confront their worst when they’re with each other instead of repressing it like they did in the past. this might be the most communicative either of them have been in any of their partnerships.

these two are so codependent but it’s the main reason either of them improved at all.

most people would leave. and alone, they don’t leave their comfort zone, even if it’s miserable… these two push each other too far,,, they get uncomfortable. when it’s time to fight or fly,, they fight with each other for each other.

and it’s kind of comforting ?? maybe it’s my experience, but i think every close, long-term relationship has some hurt in it. you do your best to prevent but that doesn’t guarantee peace. and i think that’s okay? like an occasional struggle can be satisfying after the fact bc it’ll likely lead to some growth

so, idk.. i don’t hate the idea of there being some underlying toxicity between them. and it’s kind of satisfying to admit that

they bring out the worst in each other but they’re willing to confront their worst when they’re with each other instead of repressing it like they did in the past

you’re after my heart anon  

i wouldn’t go out and call them toxic, exactly - i feel like toxic means that there’s no hope for them and they’d be better off without each other and that’s - that’s not the case, i don’t think. they might be unhealthy - but toxic kind of implies they’re totally irredeemable. 

but you’re on the money, you’re on the money - they both share this trauma over being unworthy of love - they’re both so, so desperate to be loved but so, so convinced they’re undeserving of it, and they’ve both convinced themselves they have to hide or contort themselves in some way to fit some ideal. to become eligible for that happily ever after. 

[x]

[x] 

wade compulsively feels like he has to become someone else - put on a performance, become anything other than what he is, just so he can be deserving of love. 

wade’s consistently frustrated that he can’t quite fit into any role. he tries - he really, really tries. he has a desire to transform - he tries to be anything his lover asks of him, or tries to become what he thinks they want. because he’s convinced that what’s underneath the mask is unloveable. 

and peter, peter’s just the same. he’s convinced if he puts all of himself on display, with all his faults and baggage and underlying ugliness - he won’t be loved. 

so peter parker rejects and denies so much about himself, all for the sake of feeling like he can assimilate. he can pass by undetected. he can live an ordinary life, and keep his secrets locked away. 

[x] 

[x]

they both have these expectations for what love is and what it should look like - and i think being together, it’s forcing them to reevaluate what love really is. peter, finally, finally - is in a relationship where he doesn’t have to hide. 

he can be ugly, he can be gross, he can be a freak and it’s celebrated by wade. wade wants all of him on display. but... to an extreme. 

peter, on the other end of the spectrum, wants to see the authentic wade but is scared to push him. 

[x]

he wants wade to unmask, constantly, but knows it’s something wade has to do on his own. 

they’ve really come so far, because peter’s learning so much about emotional sensitivity from his exposure to wade. because yep! historically, peter’s been a jerk and the reason his relationships fell apart was his inability to be honest about himself and a general ineptitude when it came to dealing with other people’s emotions. with wade - he’s forced to confront all of that, and become a better peter parker. one that’s emotionally sensitive, and one that’s making peace with himself and all his hang-ups. 

wade forces peter to finally address all his shortcomings to become a better man - and peter does the same for wade in kind of - embodying everything wade wants to be. not only that - but being a presence in wade’s life that is ever-present

he’s willing to wait it out until wade opens up on his own. just like wade did for him. 

peter, for all his trouble finally embracing his authentic self - adores wade’s authentic self. loves what’s behind the mask. loves wade’s soft, soft core that he tries so hard to hide. underneath the machismo and the violence that they both hide behind. 

peter’s afraid if he pushes wade too far, he’ll lose him - whilst wade is doing the opposite - he’s actively pushing peter to see how much he can get away with before he loses him. 

i love them! they’re always at complete opposite ends of the spectrum when approaching issues, but they’re such similar animals with the exact same fears. 

[halinski]

Okay but I need to get this off my chest

It's been confirmed since last season by Maddie that Buck is "very good at seeming fine" or better than he is. We have lots of proof of that on screen. We have Buck saying to a therapist that he hides his true emotions. We have many, many indicators on screen of Buck being neurodivergent, with low self esteem, being very perceptive, and putting everything into being what other people need.

If we go with that, with possible ADHD, or C-PTSD (which is trauma caused by prolonged traumatic events like neglectful/abusive parenting) - I feel like I should make a list of all the symptoms and signs that coincide with Buck - but point is, lots of neurodivergent people but especially those tend to do a thing called "masking"

It's exactly what it sounds like, aka they put on a mask around people to try and act how people expect them to. This act is perfected throughout the years and is very flexible. It's constant awareness of the situation, picking up on the smallest changes in the people around you and adjusting yourself to a "this is how I should be acting" setting, or "this is what this person/situation expects or alternatively needs right now".

Often times, you tend to lose your own self in there, you push aside all your own feelings and needs - which is what Buck admitted to his therapist. We also know he always feels like he needs to put on thee firefighter "costume" to feel worthy.

So basically, Buck puts up an act to be the best person he can, according to what the people around him need. I'm not saying it's not part of his personality to want to help people, because it is. But the problem is that it's to a fault. He will go extreme lengths no matter what his own feelings or needs say.

I mean, with Eddie it's a healthy thing bc man Eddie gives back. But again, Buck saw what Eddie needed and constantly immediately took initiative. He helped get Carla into his life, made sure Bobby knew about Chris and helped out there, he became a whole second parent to Chris bc he saw these two people needed it. They are two people who surprisingly returned the sentiment.

Which surprises Buck. Even after what 3 years(?) Buck still has to hear from Eddie explicitly that he's not expendable.

Buck believes he is, because he thinks he's just doing what he should be doing. It doesn't matter how he feels, this is what he does. It wouldn't change his behavior if Eddie did think he was expendable. (tho it would damage him further)

My point is, Buck is very good at acting. He is mentally very strong and resilient because he knows how to put his own self aside and be what people need him to be. (That unfortunately reinforces his idea that it's not him that's worthy, it's just his actions, which anyone can do, since of course Buck is just emulating what he thinks someone should be doing).

And in my opinion, we see Buck backsliding a bit since his parents popped up - which is practically inevitable, even without the whole new life changing revelation about his brother, which made things worth because his whole existence now was excuse as Buck just being there "for parts". It reinforces the idea in his head that he's just there to be useful to people, to be what they need, regardless of himself. And that's probably not a conscious thought 99% of the time.

I also haven't seen anyone mentioning Buck mentioning the therapist this season which would fit my backsliding theory, just based on myself who also grew up thinking I'm not allowed therapy bc I can convince everyone and especially myself "I'm fine", so he probably convinced himself he doesn't need it. Or it was too hard to keep fighting to recover, for now he just has to get through things, and that means resorting to old behaviors and habits.

It's how he copes and survives. Being what others need. Especially so he doesn't end up alone and unloved, because he definitely feels unloved. And he's desperate to prove the opposite, that he's worth something.

So what I'm saying is, Buck is very, very good at acting and being what other people need, while neglecting himself, and putting up a very convincing show of "this is me" and that's what BT is :)

[jaskierx]

something about how we see ed underwater twice in s2

the first time, he's drowning. his subconscious has chosen death for him. the reason he's there in the first place is bc he finally managed to convince the crew to mutiny and kill him. he feels unloveable, he thinks he's a monster, he thinks nobody is waiting for him. stede is waiting for him. he gains the ability to change his mind and untie himself from the rock when he sees stede, appearing from the light above to save his life

he comes out of the water and headbutts stede, pushing him away, keeping him at arm's length, unwilling to let stede hurt him again, unwilling to accept that stede loves him. he spends e4 exploring the concept of whether people can change, and he gets proof that people can do so, both in the form of buttons turning into a bird and in stede coming back for him so they can return to the ship together

the second time, he's retrieving his leathers, making peace with the bit of himself that he's hated for such a long time, ready to use it to save stede's life. there's no question of whether he's going to resurface. this time he's the one waiting for stede. he knows that he is capable of being loved, and everything that happens from there just confirms it

he comes out of the water and kills a navy soldier while reading about how stede loves him exactly as he is. his choice to kill is intrinsically tied to the moment he gets definitive proof that he is loved, completely refuting the notion that he is unlovable because he harms people or because he is monstrous

[inexplicifics]

i decided to make a note of all my thoughts and questions about the awau and it turned out to be 1500 words long lmfao, so i won’t subject you to all of it, and also i don’t have discord so i’m sry for the tumblr ask spam, feel free to ignore or answer privately or whatever if that’s easier- i’ll hold onto most of my questions and theories bc i imagine most of them will be answered eventually, but i have a handful of ficlet ideas, so, in no particular order:

when they go on progress, i imagine them getting so utterly miserable without the springs, even with accommodations at noble houses, that they convince yen to portal them home for one night and right back to the road after a soak lmao

do they have a visiting bard at kaer morhen during the progress to keep morale from tanking when jaskier and the rest of the court are gone for so long? bonus points if it’s pris and she falls in love with aubry, although i imagine he’s on jaskier guard duty so she might have to stick around after they get back

would fucking love a bit about dara and his family visiting sometime

might be iffy, since thinking about it the first time sent him into such a nasty panic spiral, but i can imagine jaskier running across livi somewhere in the keep while dragonfly is out on patrol maybe, and she’s having a bad day and feeling terrible about her family, and jaskier sits with her and bonds with her about having been sold to monsters and sent to their deaths by their fathers, and how to take all that rage and pain and betrayal that never quite go all the way away and turn them into something good, something powerful, because nobody understands what she’s gone through quite as well as he can, and also bc even though everyone knows what happened to him, and even though he’s very happy now, sometimes it still hurts to never have been loved by his parents, and there isn’t really anyone at the keep he can talk to about it

i bet lambert (or aiden maybe) at some point thinks it’s very funny to call jaskier “the queen of kaer morhen” and jaskier either tries to drown him in the baths or embraces it shamelessly and starts calling himself that

i woke up one night like a week ago with the phrase “my moonlit lord and my sunlit lover; between you i shall never walk in darkness” repeating over and over in my head, so idk if that’s anything but it’s yours if you want it

before i fell asleep last night i imagined a whole ficlet start to finish about jaskier thinking back on his arrival to kaer morhen (maybe set right after livi’s arrival and that panic attack) where he remembers that first introduction and realizes that when yen said “you’ve been needing a court bard!” with a smile on her face it was the first time in his life anyone had ever said they needed him, and that moment was a turning point in his life, from unwanted, unloved julian to adored, important jaskier, even if he was too overwhelmed to clock it at the time, and he goes to thank her and hugs her and makes her cry and she yells at him bc she didn’t spell her makeup unsmudgeable that morning and is he trying to make her look a mess you dreadful darling man? and also aubry cries and hugs him bc ofc he’s standing guard in the doorway and hears the whole thing and when geralt and eskel freak out bc he and aubry both smell like saltwater when they come back he tells them why and they cry too and it’s a very snuggly supper that night (and if yen gets randomly mobbed with surprise hugs from most of the wolf school for a few weeks, that’s probably normal and not at all related)

how different, physiologically, are aren’s pride from other witchers? does triss ever try to stabilize the false trial mutagens, or do they never come to trust her enough? or is it not necessary bc they’re totally fine now that they’re getting medical care and also fed and bathed and trained?

are any of aren’s old manticore friends or training class still around? what are those reunions like?

a ficlet of merten telling the whole insane story of geralt and ard carraigh and kaer morhen and everything that’s come after to aren and the pride would be amazing

obv i’ve developed “needs sasha/aiden content to live” disease like everyone else smsldkjt the wolves that love aiden need to stick together!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

ciri’s interactions with the an craites give me life, would LOVE to see her with her little brothers!!

i would kill for a look at griffin and marika’s wedding- milena and lambert must have gone, right? were their parents there???? how did that interaction go??????? and a royal wedding is the sort of occasion geralt and his court would need to attend, especially for one of his vassals, so did the whole crew show up together? how fun was it?? did the witchers get to make bitchfaces at the de roggevens all night? do griffin and marika love each other?? are marika and milena back in regular contact now?

i would love to see yen’s pov (or aubry’s) of how that meeting with vizimir and lettenhove went the night before the treaty signing, that they both came back from looking so smug

anyway thank you so incredibly very much for sharing your work and humoring us and all you do, you really are a gem of a human being

Oooh, look at all the bunnies!

Let me see now...

-I think the Progress is going to be broken up into lots of little jaunts, with stops back in Kaer Morhen for hot springs and decompression and trading out who gets to be escorting the Warlord and his household, so yes, everyone is going to be Very Glad to be home again, if only for a day or three.

-Oh, having a visiting bard is a fascinating idea! Hm. I'm still working on what to do with Priscilla...I'll have to think about that.

-Jaskier and Livi should have a bonding moment, you are quite correct. Hopefully Jaskier will not have another panic attack if he's a little more prepared for it.

-Jaskier would wear that title with great glee and Geralt would spend the month until the joke stopped being funny in a constant state of About To Go Up Mountain because he's not a king. (Sure he isn't.)

-Oooh, that's an absolutely lovely line - moonlit lord and sunlit lover, wow, that's got some resonance.

-Aww, hugs for Yen, all the hugs for Yen! And that sounds like a wonderful ficlet!

-There are some differences, which I am still figuring out; one of them has extremely keen night-vision combined with strong light sensitivity, and another might actually be venomous, which is going to be fun to figure out. One of these days, they'll let Triss have a very careful look at them, and it's possible they might need some magical intervention/stabilization, but mostly having Enough Food and Decent Medical Care and Competent and Compassionate Training is going to help all of them a lot.

-Several of Aren's old classmates are still around and they are having Feelings. Not sure yet how they're going to deal with those.

-Oh wow, that would be a fascinating ficlet. Aren would spend the whole time going "And then you what now?" while all the girls, who know some of the story from a very different perspective, would be boggling at things that Aren isn't even blinking at. ("You just...went over the walls?" "What, like it's hard?")

-I gotta get that Sasha/Aiden fic to cooperate, but unfortunately I'm starting to think it needs a complete rewrite. Ah well, such is life.

-...Ciri with her little brothers would be adorable. Maybe she should visit Skellige.

-I am attempting to write a Griffin/Marika fic! So far I am three chapters in and they haven't actually met yet. So that's...a thing.

-Oooh I'm not even entirely sure how that meeting went. Aubry got to loom, though. He's good at looming, even if he doesn't use the skill often.

Thank you so much for these wonderful bunnies and questions!

[spnshameblog]

I've said this before, but please bear with me: i dont vibe with the theory that cas knows about dean's romantic feelings for him. Like its an interesting concept, but i simply dont see any evidence that he knows? I mean dean obviously does, dont get me wrong, we dont do unrequited love in this house, but cas doesnt know that (and its plausible to me that dean himself didnt really know until 15x9 or even 15x18, but l'm not set on that).

But the other reason why i reject this so vehemently is bc i'm a greedy cas!girl and someone (dean) taking him by the hands and telling him he is loved and important after cas spent his entire life basing his self worth on his usefulness and after he was so convinced that his mistakes and flaws made him unlovable.... thats heroin to me and scenes like this are essential to my enjoyment of post-confession content.

Dean got a beautiful "this is why i love you, even though you hate yourself" speech and i just think that cas deserves one, too and content based on the premise that cas already knows about deans feelings skips over that stage too often for my taste. I NEED THE SEROTONIN OF RESOLVED ANGST OK.