#bc i can’t afford not too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fatblknfree · 8 months

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what’s for me will be.

i just gotta be patient.

my time is coming.

#i have hope #bc i can’t afford not too #but also wish me luck #my thoughts

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cheekblush · 3 months

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took myself on a little shopping trip yesterday in the city where i used to study in hopes of lifting my spirits but by the end of the day i felt so disheartened. wandering the same streets 10 years later and not much has changed. i’m still the same lonely unlovable girl.

#i just wanted to have a good time and not rot in bed for once on my work free weekend but of course my brain can’t let that happen #it was such a lovely day actually the weather was sunny and windy it wasn’t too hot or cold ideal weather to stroll through the city #i had delicious food and found some comfortable clothes but at the end of the day i just felt so empty and worn out #seeing all these couples and friend groups and families and i’m still all by myself after so many years #tbh i’m even lonelier now than i was 10 years ago back then i at least had a few friends #idk what i’m doing with my life tbh.. i just want to be happy but even when i take myself on a cute little date i end up feeling miserable #bc it just hits me how truly lonely i am #i fear i’m incapable of forming any genuine relationships anymore bc i had so many bad experiences that i just stopped trying to connect..#with anyone.. even though i crave community friendship companionship and love i completely shut myself off from the world #i’m not even sure what i’m trying to say with all this.. i wish i knew how to be a person in this world #i wish i could be happy #tbh ever since i got back from my italy vacation i’ve been feeling depressed bc life could be so beautiful if i didn’t have to sacrifice..#almost all of my time for work #the post vacation depression is too real…#realizing you can only spend a very limited time traveling and enjoying yourself bc you have to work most of the time just to afford living #let me stop.. i keep rambling and my thoughts are falling like a waterfall #idk what’s wrong with me… i should have breakfast and put my phone away #sorry to anyone who actually reads all this word vomit #☁️

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why-the-heck-not · 1 year

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22.09.23, friday

Got my laptop unstuck ! So in theory it now works. But in practice? The loser’s throwing me error messages and has not downloaded the essentials. So I’m drinking wine & fighting with my laptop. Friday evening.

things done today:

half-way fixed the laptop, but still have some fuckery to deal with

went to a thrift store and found Bowie and Kiss t-shirts and a coffee cup from a random medical conference; a great thrift store haul

2 long-ish walks (20k steps babeyy, I’ve been walking)

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comradekarin · 3 months

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im sorry but social media “leftists activists” are some of the most unserious people? especially twitter ones? you don’t vote, you don’t donate, you don’t endorse candidates…. hell some of you have never taken a civics class before and it shows. y’all just bitch about trivial things like flag emojis and instagram posts and fucking twitter likes? play moral high ground? distress over the current state of affairs and then do absolutely NOTHING about it? project 2025 is probably the most terrifying thing I’ve ever read, and I foresee 2016 happening all over again. for an online group of people who preach about caring about human rights and civil liberties, you’ve been doing such a great job showing that. VOTE blue

#I normally don’t speak on this on this account but I’m terrfied #I’m begging for y’all to vote blue #like I’m actually mad now WAKE UP??#I don’t give a fuck if that man is in a coma #we CANNOT afford another trump term #meanwhile the actual leftists doing the work is under shadowed bc of online culture and it’s disgusting #DID WE ALL FORGET COVID??? I lost FAMILY to that fucking thing like #leftists make me angry the most because y’all sit on your fucking moral high ground at the expense of human lives #you can’t just so I’m checking out in a time like this you just can’t #if I lose followers so what its getting too scary to play moral high ground right now #like as someone’s that’s black I already know I lose no matter what under red authority like please #us politics #politics #project 2025 #vote blue

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a-very-fond-farewell · 2 months

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:/

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churrothezanyrabbit · 6 months

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mortimer mickey and oswald can match dresses now

#churro talks #oswald the lucky rabbit #oswald #mortimer mouse #mortimer #mickey mouse #mickey #pretty sparkly dresses #green red blue #prebby.#also i hc all 3 of them as trans too #oswald is the only one who could ever afford top surgery #mickey can’t #mortimer can as well but he chooses not to bc he’s not self conscious of them anymore #giggles #i’ll draw them eventually with the mentioned hc’s and more #more hc’s #bc #yes

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cheridraws · 4 months

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see I often get conflicted because yes, I do want to watch things that will ultimately help myself, especially with an issue I have that I’m highly aware of. But also that fear of having the issue fixed is always there, and the issue is so convenient that I don’t wanna get rid of it, so,,,,, augh

#my rambles #this isn’t coherent bc I’m tired. sorry #but just. mmrggrb #related to the last reblog #I’m aware I have food issues that are not healthy. i shouldn’t be waiting until past 5pm to eat something #but…. it’s just easier #i rarely get lunch breaks at work. i don’t wake up early enough to get breakfast in the mornings. reminding myself that it isn’t healthy #just makes me feel like shit bc I feel like I can’t fix it #which isn’t true. i could.#but…. augh. again with the convienience. it’s EASIER to wait that long instead of waking up earlier. or preparing a lunch to take with me #and it’s cheaper too. i can eat whatever I can scrounge up at home after work instead of going out for food I can’t afford #I don’t know… I’m just complaining right now I guess #the last post just reminded of it is all #it may be one of the reasons I haven’t watched it yet despite my friends telling me to is all #ignore me #I’m happy for the people it’s helping. I’m just scared to be one of them

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freefolkfightorflight · 1 year

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Making soup.

I put away some laundry

Answered a phone call.

Need to go to dmv 🙄 dreading it bad. Need to just try to make it happen tomorrow but it’s iffy with everything closing. Gotta get the kids by 11 from school.

I know this sounds like nothing but it’s a lot for me right now. I’m overwhelmed and weepy and struggling somethin fierce. But god damn this broth is exquisite.

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hogcallingcuntest · 1 month

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i just looked and i am using all but 4 days of my PTO at work to go to king gizzard shows this year lmao

#took a whole week off for red rocks bc we were originally going to go to portland & the gorge too #but i sold those tickets bc i bought a house a couple months ago and can’t afford all that travel lol #then like 5 days for san diego and another 5 for the texas shows #and that there is 15 of the 19 days i got this year lmao

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daydadahlias · 7 months

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#anyone else personally victimized by Luke’s tour dates and places or ?#like was I going to go no bc. I can’t afford it #but he could at least stop by my house or smthn y’know #also I laughed about this in public for like 5 minutes like a psycho #if ashton actually does a tour too and also ignores the south.#we’re gonna have a problem.

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helliixns · 3 months

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Honestly what I now desperately need is Stolas talking to Asmodeus and/or Fizzie and as a result making Stolas take a good hard look at how he himself has treated Blitzø and every other imp he’s ever dealt with

#helluva boss spoilers #//Bc Blitzø had his realization now and has resolved to change; so that’s good #//Its a start #//But Stolas fucked up too by not realizing how much his status DOES have a lot to do with why their relationship is as it was #//Stols might see them as ‘equals’ but Blitzø doesnt & in a way rlly can’t AFFORD to either; the easy he sees it #//Bc someone like Stolas can discard or have him killed Easy; and no one would bat an eye #//He wouldn’t; but it makes SENSE why Blitzø felt compelled to play along at the start for instance #//And Stolas does tend to baby/condescend Blitzø and co; and crosses Blitzø’s own boundaries several times in s1 too #//And that’s without mentioning the imp butler’s treatment or the reaction Stols had to Ozzie’s ‘teasing’#//Bc there is NO way Blitzø did not read that as Stolas being ashamed; no matter how Stolas insists he isn’t/wasn’t of being w Blitzø #//tldr; Stolas self-reflection time W H E N ndnfnnf #//I am v content with Stolas’ development in learning to asset his boundaries esp with Blitzø #//AND him getting a taste of another doting in him and treating him nice; bc all he’s had are two differing toxic relationships #//But yeah; if Stol.itz is to work; Stolas needs to check himself first too #//Blitzø can’t do all the heavy lifting to make things right; bc he isn’t the only one at fault in what they have/had #//Anywho that’s my two cents lol

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dahldahlbills · 7 months

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I really need to get serious about personal projects again

#I think I said something like this last year too lol #currently in a weird headspace about it #the biggest reason why I lost focus on them was bc I prioritized engaging in fandom #(something that I never really did when I was focused on publishing a few years back)#so part of me feels like in order to make considerable progress on projects again I need to cut myself off from fandom #and I kinda have been weening myself off a bit from animanga but not really for that reason #it was mostly bc I was getting overwhelmed by how much I was consuming and I wanted to appreciate things fully #I don’t think I’d cut myself off from fandom completely either I’d still try to keep up with stuff #but the idea of not engaging in fandom anymore kinda.. scares me?#idk I feel like a major loser admitting this lol #it just feels like I’d lose a lot of connections with people #and would lose a lot of the love I have for stories if I’m not actively interacting with them :(#and then there’s also that stupid feeling of being a ‘fake fan’ because I’m not dedicating every single second of free time to fandom #which is dumb bc like I have a life and need to make money yknow I got things to do #im just Stressed bc I’m at such a critical stage career wise and im getting closer to 26 so hhhhh healthcare coverage will be up in the air #so I really can’t afford to dawdle #there’s just so much I wanna do and while I’m not necessarily racing to get it done I still want to take advantage of the time I have #but it also sucks feeling like I’m giving up a part of myself to progress on another part of myself #I don’t think any of this makes sense sorry I just needed to dump my thoughts bc I am Terrified™️#anyway personal projects! gotta get back to those !#blahblahbills #delete later

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vampire-rodeo · 9 months

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Please I am NOT an “over achiever” i am an autistic dumbass who was built for running around all day and hunting. i need smth to do all day im understimulated 😭

#leadership roles are fun and all #i like my hobby’s #until my hobby’s text me to remind me to retake all my headshots because i have to present to my towns board #i hate ties #i’m proud to be transgender #until i have to wear men’s formal clothes #aaahhhhhhhh help #i’m not doing too much i’m just understimulated and can’t afford expensive fidget toys #typing this while using a space heater as a blow dryer for my hair bc my HVAC is broken and my house is like forty degrees

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actualnymph · 10 months

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trying to make a future for yourself career-wise when you genuinely don’t have any interests or care about any specific field or job is so ☹️ like I need to get into something but idek what that would be…seeing sm other people know what they wanna do feels so bad like good for them but I’ll never have that. Like how do I choose and decide…I really need to get back into school but idk if I’d even get into a college bc I don’t have any references + my SAT score was only 1010 which is not great. Maybe I can go to a community college for something then get into a good school where I can make connections and get into whatever it is I’m gonna get into but rn it’s just so hard to think about my future bc like wtf am I even gonna do. Idk. And my parents don’t care so it’s not like I can even talk to them about it I gotta figure it out on my own.

#if anyone could idk. tell me anything I’d be so grateful 😭 I’ve tried going back in the past but #I either couldn’t afford it or couldn’t due to no references on my application.#this is a rant…bc what am I doing. I’ll be 24 this month and what do I have to show for it……………#I’m too stressed to even look into anything but I’ll try looking at that community college tomorrow bc they do accept everyone but I’m just #sad I can’t move away but I don’t have the money for that anyway. ☹️ I’m thinking maybe 2 years in community then I can go to a big college.#but it sucks I can’t go to a big college now unless I can idk but idek where I’d go bc I sucked in hs and I can’t afford to move v far…I’d #have to drive there and get mad loans prob.#t

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reflectionsofgalaxies · 1 month

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good lord my brain is running laps and i just wanna knock it out and get some goddamn sleep

#apparently just bc I figured it out my brain still isn’t gonna chill out #now i’m stuck between do i communicate and embarrass myself #in hopes that it calms down the fears that i’m already aware are probably irrational #or do i do my best to ignore it and hope my brain chills out on its own soon #and that in the meantime i don’t do my go-to moves when i overthink something #which are running away or getting mean #(not like. mean mean. but snarky. and a little harsh and irritable)#bc no one has done anything wrong!#myself included so far!#my brain just will not let go of this stupid fear #and it’s the same fucking fear that has haunted me on and off through every era of my life #i WILL NOT isolate myself or push people away that’s wildly counterproductive #and honestly i find it mind boggling that that’s even a response bc IT MAKES NO SENSE #anyway everything is changing and it’s fucking me up big time #there’s too many things changing all at once and tbh i’m fucking terrified #and this just happened to be the thing that finally pushed me into ‘cant fucking deal with this’ territory #and nothing has even changed! it’s all in my head right now!!!#it’s so fucking frustrating to know something intellectually but your emotions are off doing their own shit #‘you can’t think away emotions’ I CAN FUCKING TRY #it comes down to fear and anger at that fear and anger at change #i’m so angry and there’s nowhere to direct that anger #being angry at a concept or the very passage of time is just so unsatisfying and annoying #*change as a #personal #i’d say sorry for the vent posts but i can’t afford therapy so #and this is the next best thing

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simplyghosting · 2 months

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I think about polymer clay and a little pang goes through my heart

#ghost posts #i used to sculpt ALL THE TIME #miniatures for dolls mostly but I would make figurines too #i loved it so much and stopped when my work station got dismantled and also major depression for years #depression is fortunately not as bad as it once was #but workstation is still..ehhhhh #i want to make a space that I can work and try again #even if it’s something small. build the little towns I used to make again or something #maybe redo the little wonky car I made when I was in my teens #see if I will get back into it or if it’s something to lay to rest #i loved saving up $5 and buying a couple of new colors as a kid lol #i made things super small bc I couldn’t afford much material #it was a fun challenge to make things itty bitty #one guy used a magnifying glass to look at a piece I made #it would be cool to be able to do that again #but I’ll accept it if I can’t

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