#bc i don't have a lot of asks for them in my inbox compared to alice and mina <3

[trashlie]

hey this is lil anon again :3 listen we're all so feral about the latest fp episode can i just talk about it some more please and dump my thoughts here bc oh my god so many thoughts 🙏🏾 you can leave my other, longer ask in your inbox for now if you want to it's totally fine bc sdhfgdhfjksdhfk FERAL

PLEASE it is actually soooo funny how maya asks such a simple question: "why is he your friend?" - and shinae just explodes and goes off at the him in her head HISS GROWL I WANT YOU AND IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU THEN YOU'RE NOT GONNA HAVE ANYTHING OF MINE and maya just stares at her in shock and disbelief like: 😶😶😶. and you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. how can she possibly put nol and what he means to her and what she feels for him into words??? something something if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more. shinae is so intense and bold and fiery I LOVE THAT SOOOOOO MUCH and tbh compared to shinae, nol is handling his feelings like a champ actually 😹 like at least the tiger hasn't bitten anyone (yet) LMAOOOOOOO he's been holding back a lot, trying his best to stay composed, mortified by his desire to kiss her because how dare he even *think* about that. it's the same intensity, the same feelings at the same time but he's very in his head, meanwhile shinae - the feral little cat - is just completely unhinged and off the rails. it's incredible. poor girl, all these new feelings and realizations hitting her all at once and she's understandably SO ANGRY that she can NOT control it and go back to normal, that he's making her such a mess, passed out on the bed bc it was all too much for her to handle.

you know, before 235 i thought their meeting would be… on the soft/sweet/wholesome(?) side bc of the new shyness and nervousness and vulnerability that comes with these realizations, maybe a through the door conversation without directly facing each other (like i mentioned in my longer ask), but we've kinda had that with the balcony "you're special to me" scene, right. so idk maybe shinae will just storm in there a fiery raging whirlwind of emotions and be all like how DARE you steal my heart and then try to get rid of me and run away, you asshole. IF YOU WON'T GIVE ME BACK MY HEART, THEN I NEED YOU TO BE MINE!!!!! it sounds so dramatic but seeing what all this is doing to shinae, how it brings out the fiery bold possessive assertive side in her, who knows??? she's for sure not letting go without leaving her claw marks on him. as she should.

and YES YES it's def both jealousy and insecurity. i didn't expect it to come up as part of her realization simply bc it wasn't on my mind tbh, but it works so well as part of the ✨realization process✨!! if just platonic then you don't get jealous and insecure, then it (typically) doesn't matter if/who they're dating. but if you can't stomach them being with anyone else but you, if you want them all to yourself, then sorry but that is NOT "friends". and there's definitely a comment here to be made about how alyssa isn't just some random hot girl, she's an idol and as such she embodies what's conventionally attractive and desirable, smth smth beauty standards patriarchy society. and she leaves nol cold but shinae still can't help but become hyperaware of it all bc everything you said ;; i can't get over the "timing" of this scene either bc we see shinae crying happy tears and for a moment she's forgotten her drama but then BAM suddenly there's gorgeous glamorous idol alyssa dancing on stage, and nol is there, looking at her, and they're both at this elite event in this world that shinae is simply not a part of. and. smth smth alyssa being a good dancer nol being a good dancer meanwhile shinae has two left feet. it's like the universe is laughing at her, telling her "she is all that and you aren't, she can have him and you don't". and as if it's not enough, of course it's the girl who gave her all this trauma. of course. how can it not sting her how can she not become insecure honestly ;; i too would immediately lose my appetite :<

(there's also the juxtaposition of shinae being surrounded by unconditional love, a supportive family, in a peaceful home where she can be raw and messy, fully accepted as she is, bags under her eyes and snot on her face and all; meanwhile alyssa is all glammed up, on the tv screen, putting on a performance for strangers that will only ever love her conditionally, that will never know the real her, is in a group that doesn't like her, is in an unsafe environment, surrounded by people who prey on girls like her, no one by her side 😔💔) i also wonder a little bit if not nol himself could (unintentionally of course) play into shinae's insecurity… especially in this initial stage bc like. he's a conventionally attractive dude; tall, handsome, nice smile, he's charming, he's got a rich dad too. shinae isn't stupid she's very aware of this. she's noticed how women reacted to him at the formal. one of them even commented that "he's way out of her league" or smth like that when she saw them together (which :/// shallow rich people talk 🙄)… and when it's friendship then you don't care, and she didn't care back then, and rationally she knows nol is not shallow like that, that she really shouldn't worry about such things, but when you're so young, inexperienced, have low self-esteem, are in such an emotional state, then suddenly you start questioning yourself on this shallow level. why would someone with his looks and money be interested in me, when he could have (and does have) an "alyssa-level" girl? sure he might like me as a friend but would he ever want me like that? it's like when you're crushing on the hot guy you've been friendly with and suddenly become all too aware of the hot girl that all the boys (and girls) have their eyes on. you just can't help but be aware that you're simply not her :/ yeah i think. she's going to need affirmation and reassurance re: what alyssa is/was to him, but i think more importantly, she'd need it about herself, what he likes about her, how he feels about her, that he doesn't want anyone else, that she *is* beautiful in her own way even if she doesn't see it herself, and then she'll hopefully grow more confident from it ~

-feral lil anon 😼

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm so sorry it took me all day to get to this response! I could NOT pull my brain together and kept getting distracted and having more feral breakdowns about Stalkyoo alfkajkfjkafjkafjka lmao and then I had to cry about my babies performing tonight and I have been through EMOTIONS but also ALSO I LOVE THIS MESSAGE SO MUCH I'm gonna do my best to do it justice because you ABSOLUTELY bring up things I also want to yell more about!!!!

There's something SO funny to me about how much Nol and Shinae mirror each other. That we now can tell they started to fall for each other at the same time and it just kept growing, that it's on the SAME DAY that they're becoming aware of these feelings, in much the same way - yknow, being so embarrassed to have FEELINGS lmao. But YES Nol does a much better job containing it at all. I want to say it's probably because he's so used to hiding everything, holding things in, but we also know he came so very close to just biting Shinae before he kicked her out lmao and it's not like Shinae hasn't also been decent at pretending things aren't wrong, but MAN she's so beyond her breaking point at this stage, isn't she lmaooooooo She CAN'T contain it - it's too big, too loud, too messy, so carnal. She's been trying for so long to keep shoving it into this box it doesn't fit and it just keeps growing bigger and bigger and spilling out. Something so funny to me about her is that Shinae.... like she kinda externalizes a lot and I'm trying to figure out how to explain this because clearly she isn't good at telling people about her problems, but as a result of being alone so much she talks through her thoughts out loud, to Lil Buddy, so of course for this she NEEDED to externalize to Maya. Because yes, it's so messy, it's spilling out everywhere and the more she tries to make sense of it the bigger a mess she makes and Maya really DID have to put it in words for her. I know I said I wanted Shinae to come to the conclusion without anyone else saying it but I still love how this played out because she still said, OF HER OWN FREE WILL, "If I can't have you" LIKE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But also we know that Shinae just has an EFFECT on Nol and while he's doing a good job keeping things at bay, all things considered, I think the moment she goes back to his hospital room it's all gonna just be.... *sweeps papers off the desk* lmao

Another tangential thought I've had is that neither of them have really gotten to BE teenagers. Nol is forever having to play a game of making sure he doesn't make too many waves, doesn't get noticed. Likewise, Shinae has had to be the good girl while her dad is always busy working, not get into trouble, take care of herself, get good grades. Maya goes on to remind us, too, that Shinae didn't even HAVE any social experiences beyond what happened in middle school, just. Rolls with things stopped making friends. There's so many teenager moody things that they've largely missed out on and we're seeing so much of that come bubbling out. Yes, Shinae's moodiness is mostly because girl is CRANKY she hasn't slept she hasn't eaten and she's scaling the walls trying to figure out why she thinks her friend is pushing her away (he's not) and what she has to do to make him stay (figure out feelings) and she's just SO frustrated it all spills out. Relatable. I, too, become an awful monster when I haven't slept LMAO but it's just SO nice to see them have this moment? Get to be selfish and moody and a little bratty when they have spent so long trying to just be good and get by. Let them have a tantrum or three, it's fine!

Also LITERALLY SAME. I thought Shinae would realize her feelings, maybe balk at them, hide away for a day, try to deny them, then become determined and go back to him but too shy to look him in the eyes to face him, yes maybe talk through the door so this was SUCH a surprise but YEAH YOU ARE RIGHT! They already had that tender shy little moment. Now they can just be. Feral lmaooooooo listen idc how corny it is I'm exploring EVERY possibility I can, writing half-baked fic moments in my head. I want Shinae to wake up and go in guns BLAZING I want her to say dumb things she doesn't stop to think about FINE IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY OF MY THINGS what are you talking about I SAID YOU'RE A THIEF AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE GOING TO PRISON GIVE ME BACK MY THINGS something something there's one thing he can't give back something something you're a thief, too alkfjkfjFKAFKJAKJF SCREAMS I need Nol to just say something SO blunt that makes her stop in her tracks aljakfjkafjafjk lmao I need her confessing in every which way but the words again, until he's standing too close SCREAMS

idk idk idk however it goes I know I'm going to love it because they just are going at it with such equal energy and I'm PRETTY SURE Dieter is going to talk to Nol while Shinae sleeps so maybe that will give Nol the conviction to say what he couldn't, now that Shinae has figured out the answer to "why isn't because friends" enough. Actually, more than anything, I want Nol to end up in the kind of position where he blurts something out without thinking or he acts on his feelings just BLINDLY because I just need him to see that he can't keep running from things and pretending and that Shinae is someone he cannot resist so make the right choices, boy. I need him to understand how much he wants her and deserves to ACT ON THAT ALFJKAFLJAFAJFLKJAFJF RRRRRRRRR FRRTFTT GROWL HISSSSSSSSS

but alfjakfjkfajfka THE INSECURITIES GET TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE because YES at the end of the day it's not just anyone. It's ALYSSA. The very person who gave Shinae her trauma, the person who GAVE HER HER ACTUAL SCAR. It's not the first time Shinae has envied something of Alyssa, either - Alyssa with her warm, beautiful mom and her big home and all her opportunities and her family so suffocating by being parents, Alyssa with her many talents with her intelligence. I really REALLY like the point, too, that it's not just Nol looking at Nol, it's Nol at that party in a world that Shinae is not a part of, doesn't belong to. Logic doesn't stand much against insecurity and jealousy or else she'd be able to remind her that Nol doesn't much like the world he technically belongs to, that Alyssa doesn't make him happy. Somewhere in her jealousy she sees the way she measures to Alyssa in these shallow ways and it hurts to come up short like that! AND RIGHT the girls at the gala saying Nol is out of her league! Shinae is like... aware that Nol is handsome (she literally said VERY handsome) but most of the time it doesn't seem to be a thing she thinks about - mostly because she hasn't really openly thought about him in a romantic way. But now that she's got these feral feelings about trying to keep him and have him and know him and see all the parts of him that he hides from her, she's facing the reality of how she looks to others, compared to him, compared to Alyssa. Sangchul has even implied it a couple times - Nol has a hot idol girlfriend so what is it about Shinae that's so special why is he hung up on her, what does she do that can possibly be better than a hot idol girlfriend.

And if there's something I love it, it's the tender unfurling petals of first love and the insecurity and jealousy that blooms with it, that ache that you aren't good enough that you can't possibly compare, because it leads to the REASSURANCES. Nol has SO many reasons to prefer Shinae, so many reasons to have fallen for her. I REALLY feel like we'll have a callback to that day Shinae asked Nol why Dieter might like to date her, when he told her he has a couple reasons in mind. Like... self consciousness and feeling inadequate is an awful feeling but I LOVE how it can be used in text, because also right: IF PLATONIC WHY FEEL LIKE THIS? Jealousy can be a useful device when it's not toxic and in this case it's someone like Shinae who has never really been made to feel like she's special, who has never seen anything in herself, realizing that she has fallen SO HARD for her friend who has a bombshell girlfriend and is super handsome and himself and comes from this elite world of affluent people. But there's also so much Shinae doesn't know about him yet, either, so much she hasn't had a chance to digest about him. She's seeing things at face value but I need him to tell her to her face that she makes him feel a kind of peace that NOTHING else does, that he cannot help but gravitate to her, that she's LITERALLY made his life worth living. Remind her that even though he was trying to avoid her, he failed SO miserably. Nol didn't get to tell Shinae at the party what he likes about her and DAMNIT I WANT TO HEAR IT!!!!!!!!! Especially because we've seen Shinae's POV of him at this poignant moments, I want to hear from Nol's mouth what he likes about her, the way he sees her. Like her, does he feel like clouds part when she's near, does she make all of the noise quiet for the moment? Does he find himself wanting her to notice more, wanting to steal more of those private moments where they open to each other?

I WANT TO HEAR IT SO BADLYYYYYYYYYYY and I want her to know that she doesn't have to compare herself to Alyssa, that there's no one in that world who has ever caught his attention the way she has. That no amount of money could make anyone from that society better than her. That it's not about any of that - it's about what she makes him feel. Just as much as Nol has had such an impact on Shinae, we've seen it in Nol. I agree that it's far too soon for her to know that he's literally still alive because of her lmao (that's just so much it's so overwhelming!!!!) but there are other ways she's impacted his life. When he told her he really hoped she'd get the job working with them, I think he meant it. Life was more interesting with her in it, he wanted to be around her more before Yui reminded him of what she does.

Like idk to me that insecurity is such a quintessential aspect of puberty and teenage years and first love. That rush of trying to see how others perceive you and the reassurance that comes from the person you like? GOD. And especially for people like Nol and Shinae, who have felt so invisible, so underappreciated, who have never really been made to feel special, having this with each other just LKFJAJKFJAFKAFKAFJLJAFLKJFKf

Also don't think I haven't forgotten about Yujing complimenting Shinae, or that moment when Nol made her laugh during her dance with Kousuke. How he was literally right in her face doing her make up and how it just augmented how pretty she already is. While I don't think he probably has that conscious thinking of it - gee golly Shinae sure is pretty because you know.... *gestures vaguely at his life* i SO BADLY want him to tell her that ;A; that she's beautiful ;A; like to be fair I think something about Stalkyoo that is SO well done is that it's all so deeply based on connection and the way those feelings developed as a result, as opposed to attraction first, but especially in the light of Shinae feeling so jealous and insecure, I want him to saaaaayyyyyyyy iiiiiiiiiiiiit. I want him to tell her how pretty she is when she laughs and lights up, what a beautiful smile she has and that he wants to be the one who makes her smile more I WANT THE CHEESY FUCKING SHIT DAMNIT I DON'T CARE I'M NOT GONNA PRETEND OTHERWISE ALKJAKFJKAFKJAFJKAFAFKJLKJAF SCALES THE WALL SCURRIES ACROSS MY CEILING AND STARTS CHEWING THROUGH MY CEILING FAN

I want him to reassure that there is not ONE way she pales against someone like Alyssa, that she is worth so much more to him ;A; howls

I WANT HIM TO TOUC HER FACE WITH HIS BIG STUPID HANDS AND BRUSH HIS THUMB ACROSS HER CHEEK AGAIN AND CONFESS THAT HE IS SO MISERABLY INCAPABLE OF RESISTING HER AND THAT NO ONE ELSE COULD POSSIBLY COMPARE BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE HAS EVER MADE HIM FEEL SO SEEN, FEEL LIKE HE MATTERS, NO ONE ELSE HAS EVER MADE HIM WANT TO BREAK HIS OWN RULES

JUST SCREAMING INTO THE NIGHT

also ;A;

(there's also the juxtaposition of shinae being surrounded by unconditional love, a supportive family, in a peaceful home where she can be raw and messy, fully accepted as she is, bags under her eyes and snot on her face and all; meanwhile alyssa is all glammed up, on the tv screen, putting on a performance for strangers that will only ever love her conditionally, that will never know the real her, is in a group that doesn't like her, is in an unsafe environment, surrounded by people who prey on girls like her, no one by her side 😔💔)

tHAT SHIT HURTED THAT SHIT HURTED ;____________;

Alyssa my tragic, messy girl ;A; I can't help but love the tragedy of her, I can't help but be so invested. The way Shinae and Alyssa have been foiled against each other and how I know we will continue to see this. There's something about... yknow like Alyssa doesn't have FEELINGS for Nol, but I think Nol going from Alyssa to Shinae is SO poignant in a painful way. Alyssa's former crush!!!!! I think in much the same way as we're going to see Nol become all the things Kousuke feared, we're going to see that in Alyssa and Shinae. Like... imagine being Alyssa and watching someone like Shinae capture Nol's attention, capture Yui's attention, capture Kousuke's attention. It's because she's so sincere and faces confrontation head on that people take notice of her, but that's something Alyssa has never really been able to learn. She puts on a brave face like Shinae told her, but she can't do the rest of it. She's so terrified of this secret she holds, of what she is and what people will think of her, and she continues to put on a persona to keep it at bay. Meanwhile I think we're going to watch Shinae walk a path Alyssa never could - find her own success by being authentic and true to herself, not having to live in that shell, that mask. Shinae will do everything Alyssa has never been able to do. ;_______;

And yeah, that juxtaposition makes Shinae's insecurity all the more intriguing to explore because she's so insecure about these shallow things, but Alyssa is insecure about the things that DO matter, the things that make Shinae special, and make Alyssa so forgettable.

;_____________________________________;

gonna go sob now HECK

[marasschino]

hi! I noticed that aigis looks taller than minato in your drawings. might I ask about your height headcanons regarding SEES + Ryoji pretty please 🙏🙏 love all your doodles btw! akechi looks stunning in your art style. you have such a good feel for using expressions & colours to set a mood (sorry for my wacky english, good god)

oh anon I am so sorry it took me forever to get to this. I forgot this was in my inbox 😭 BUT YES I can give you my height headcanons.

Putting this under a cut bc I used hikaku sitatter to compare my headcanon heights months ago + my reasoning

so I'll start out with the ones that didn't change from their canon heights: Yukari, Akihiko, Ken (he is a child and also I couldn't fit him on the chart. it was max 10 people unfortunately), and Koromaru (dog). For Yukari and Akihiko I feel like their canon heights suit them in my very biased opinion.

For Junpei: He just gives tall guy that just had a growth spurt and doesn't know what to do with the extra like 6cm he's acquired. so I went with his height that is canon for P4AU (177cm) instead of his P3 canon height (170.5cm).

For Mitsuru: Her canon height is actually 166cm, but I refuse to believe that. She's still shorter then the guys (excluding Minato) but she is their height by proxy because she always wears heels and boots. It adds to her aura I think.

For Aegis: she is physically a battle robot, built to fight supernatural beings born from the heart. and also her hooves. I actually always thought she was taller than average instead of 163cm just because she was a robot (I've played more P3P then P3fes so I always imagined her to be tall). She was built to be a protector and a tank. There is a lot of juxtaposition in her being a tall robot made of metal and her soft human heart underneath that. Also she needs to be taller than Kotone AND Minato. It's a requirement.

For Fuuka: she is canonically 150cm. I think I made her 154cm because I felt bad that she was so much shorter then everyone... she is still the shortest (not including Ken) but its a smaller gap.

For Shinjiro: his canon height is 177cm. I don't know why I made him 178cm. maybe because I felt he deserved to be at least 1cm taller than Junpei. But you can come to your own conclusions for this.

For Kotone: I never imagined her as being super tall but at least taller than Fuuka and Yukari. And she is a short menace but not a 160cm short menace to me. She stole 5cm from Minato as comeuppance. Also I think it's funny when Minato and Kotone are the same height. not because of the twin headcanon but just because

For Minato: Kotone stole 5cm. and he needs to be shorter than Aegis or its Incorrect. Also considering how inconsistent P3 character heights are displayed (looking at you P3DAN) I kind of default to the way Sogabe draws Minato. Tiny.

And for special-est boy Ryoji: as far as I know I have never found a canon height for Ryoji (which is fine) and I often go off vibes for character heights anyway + I used screenshots from the P3 movies just to get a general idea of Ryoji's possible height. which is probably about 180cm to Minato's canon 170cm (for the movies). I thought it was funny if I kept Ryoji the same (approximate) height despite making Minato shorter. Also there's something endearing about Ryoji being ridiculously tall AND taller than the rest of SEES. godspeed to him. he has probably knocked his head on plenty of doorframes in the span of two months.

And that's all!!! again sorry for taking so long to get to this anon I love getting asks like this but the executive disfunction sometimes makes me forget that people actually send me asks. I'll do better next time o7

[tempenensis]

hello, i just wanted to say i discovered your blog recently and i love it so much. i’m studying Japanese (i’m at a very amateur lvl) bc i really want to be able to understand manga in its proper context and nuance. as well as be able to read all the extra contents. bc i noticed in JJK fandom there really isn’t a lot of translators around (there’s 2 or 3 i can think of). and i keep wondering why that is, and i wanted to know your opinion about it?

i’m asking bc after reading your blog i got the sense that your passion for JJK deteriorated over time… and i also noticed some other Japanese users who had JJK fan accounts abandon them. personally i think Akutami is a great writer and still delivering exciting chapters, so i don’t think it’s bc of the story.

is it bc of the fans? i know i have been really tired of them on the non-Japanese side. when i told someone how off-putting s/t/s/g shippers are to Japanese JJK fans she wouldn’t believe me and got really hostile. but my gut feeling is like what you’ve shared on your blog. that their (Japanese fans) general feeling is that the behavior from them is too wild. still, she told me she would go ask a Japanese person herself lol…

sorry to bring something negative to your inbox. it’s hard for me to find other JJK fans online who aren’t like that. so i wanted to msg someone who maybe has similar feelings to me.

anyways thank you again for your blog and translations, i hope you have a good day and i hope JJK can be a sincerely enjoyable thing for you again.

Hi, anon.

i noticed in JJK fandom there really isn’t a lot of translators around (there’s 2 or 3 i can think of)

Yeah. Firstly, we actually have official english release now, which is nice, but it means that there's less need for fan translation of each chapter weekly. Another might be because jjk is harder to translate compared to other manga, with its convoluted explanations. there's also an incident where a "neutral" translator getting harassed by the shipping fandom. I don't think anyone doing translation want that particular drama.

your passion for JJK deteriorated over time

For me, any manga is usually more of a fancy fleeting interest. But I somehow I got too attached to jjk lol. My actual interest is gacha games. But I've been following jjk since 2019, even before the announcement for the 1st season of the anime - which means it's been 4 years for me in this fandom. Honestly the fandom only got very bad that I can't stand it the last year. Burned out with added bad fandom makes me less motivated taking care this blog, but I promise I'll try to keep some effort for this blog until the last chapter of the manga. Keeping my distance from the fandom is my way to keep up my interest now, ironically

Like I said in a few posts before this, there's no help for that side of fandom. I'm really too tired to care about them. Best we can do is block and ignore it. At least fix the behavior regarding leaks

[oddball-artz]

OMG YOU HAVE SPOONS!!!!!! YIPPIE!!!! (probably bc you got a good night's sleep)

And if you know me at all, be prepared for the sea of questions>:]

1) Go into detail about Dalia and Sabrina and their family in the second Gen au. Any Hcs or stuff?

2) Nyx and his relationship with his family.

3) (idk if it was onyx or nyx who had the ED, I forgor their names are so similar).Go into detail Abt thier ED, tho.

4) For the love of God drop Hcs till I die, I don't care for who, I just NEED them.

And, if you have spoons don't be afraid to look in your inbox for any other asks I may have sent/nf (bc both me and you forget about the asks tbh)

And as always, ily platonically, man :333

It is not the sleep, I don't need sleep, idk what it was if it wasn't the sleep, but im not being proven wrong /j

I've only got a couple, and they're pretty Dalia centric, but you can have em

Dalia picked up a bunch of tips and tricks for dealing with kids both from helping raise her siblings and from treating kids as a nurse, uses them all the time, her personal favorite thay she's picked up is doubling bedsheets when kids are sick so that if they get dirty you can just take it off and make it a later problem while you comfort said sick child. Dalia is also very sentimental as a parent, cries at every ceremony and graduation. Sometimes she'll say something that sounds like her mother and she goes quiet for a while after that. I have a feeling that Sabrina and Dalia's house tends to be the designated 'safe house' for Vee and Jasper's friends. Dalia's actually kind of happy about this, in her mind it's confirmation that she's not her mother. (This may or may not be based on the fact that my house irl is the safehouse). All I have rn, sorry

Next up Nyx, my boy. He feels like a walking second place trophy compared to all his siblings. Brushes it off in an Rottmnt Leo sort of way, through humor and a facade of confidence. Desperately wants anyone to be proud of him. Takes his little siblings out crimeing™️ together sometimes, and is like the number one supporter of their shenanigans. Let's them steal his shit, as long as they don't get caught(bc he taught them better than that). The only thing he'd put up a fight against having stolen is his binder, but that's about it.

Oh and Onyx is the one with an ED, she has anorexia specifically. It started with her just trying to lose weight, she's fairly light, but her frame is wide, so she didn't see any results and things got drastic from there, especially when people started making fun of her for her body. She's super sensitive to comments about her body, and the bullying just made it so much worse. She hates looking at herself, in mirrors, in pictures, anything. It's like her eyes pick out the flaws every time and she can't stand it. So she's trying to 'fix' herself, much to the worry of the people around her. She eats in the dream bubbles, but that's only because she knows that it isn't real. Harlow noticed this and has started sneaking food into the dream bubbles just so Onyx eats for once. Onyx still hasn't caught onto this.

And various hcs about the sillies

Onyx spins her drumsticks between her fingers when she's bored, she can do it really fast too

Nyx's hoodie he wears in his sprite is his dysphoria hoodie

Gray has a lot of little interests she keeps hidden. They tend to be niche and geeky, so she hides them to protect her image

Nyx can project his voice loud enough to yell over the band

Onyx is only ever quiet when she's flustered or thinking about somthing, other than that there's usually at least a dull chatter coming from her

Onyx is very physically affectionate, she straight up tackle hugs people.

Gray was a pageant kid,and his parents were very competitive about it. They still have all their sashes from it too

Onyx doesn't fight for herself, but if you say something bad about someone she cares about that's when she starts a fight. Starting fights like that is what got her thrown through a window that one time

Onyx is the one who started calling Alison peepaw, and it just stuck after that

When Alison sleeps she doesn't snore, she shuffles through radio channels under her breath, kind of like sleeptalking

Speaking of Alison, he's insecure about the radio affect his voice has

Alison is very protective of the kids she's 'adopted' (usually underclassmen, but they've also taken most of the radio class under their wing)

[jayflrt]

alice oh my i just saw the craziest debate on my tumblr tl like im very strongly pro-palestinian but for wtv reason my blr showed me some post like 4 rbs deep of continued debate between a fucking "proud zionist" and some hindu supremacist abt whose people had it worse ... the hindu supremacist was saying they were an ally bc of the "mughal conquering" of india but the zionist wouldn't accept them or wtv i honestly didn't understand but i was just staring both in anger and bafflement bc im not sure that they can be compared ... the nakba is such a recent thing but the mughals conquered india in the 1500s and how is that any reason to support fuckass modi's entire anti-muslim propaganda ughh i want so badly to be more educated on the history of both what's going on in palestine and also everything else that's happening in the world but it keeps making me so upset to see how blinded people are by their own hate and wtf are politicians corrupt almost everywhere ?? do they genuinely have no compassion ?? im so sorry for dumping in ur inbox :( i feel like the blr community has kind of adopted u as part of our wise counsel of elders lol bc i always feel like everyone including me goes straight to ur inbox to talk ... maybe its the psych degree but ur so comforting to talk to <3

omg WHAT that's so :(( i'm so sorry you had to see that,, what a weird thing to argue over. i don't think people realize that fighting over who had it worse only benefits the oppressors..... we're ignoring the true problem at hand while we go back and forth. that's just a general statement btw i am not supporting either of who you mentioned and they should not be using such awful historic events to defend the atrocious acts israel is committing against palestine 😭 supporting modi of all people too..... FUCK THAT MAN!

i do wish things were different and i wouldn't have to say this but i'm afraid most if not all big politicians with influence have lost sight of what's important and are mostly driven by greed and power. most people see the career path of a politician and have high hopes that they'll create change and make a difference, but when you enter that world you quickly realize the best way to keep your seat in the government is to align your political views with whoever pays you more to push your campaign forward :( sure there are probably exceptions, but it would take a lot more than exceptions to flip the current political climate. that's why it's so so important for us regular citizens to create change ourselves!! all these protests and boycotts may not seem like they're doing much from our perspective, but we're all exercising our free speech in a way our governments can't suppress. educating ourself, spreading awareness, donating, sharing information—they're all ways for us to reclaim the power of the people

i'm answering this somewhat half asleep so i hope this made sense!! omg pls i always think of that tweet that says psych majors are either chill or the worst people you've met 😭 but you're too sweet, i'm so glad you feel comfortable enough to send an ask in my inbox! feel free to drop a message whenever 💘

[taegularities]

Rid I've been meaning to come to your inbox to scream about Jungkook's concert the second it ended but I had things to do 😤😤😤

But now I'm here and this man!!!!!!! He's so talented and cool and cute and army's best friend fr!! I loved how the concert felt like his weverse lives, the way he was chatting with the audience and trying to hear what they have to say as well 🥺🥺🥺 And then don't get me started on the encore songs, I sobbed so so hard and it felt cathartic, like just what I needed. I also couldn't stop tearing up afterwards every time I would think about him because of all the love I felt 😔😔😔

And don't get me started on the gcf video 😭😭😭😭 Jungkook vlogging always has such boyfriend vibes but this!!!!!! this!!!!!! The motorbike helmets???? And the sanrio plushie?????? And then he FILMS HIMSELF WORKING OUT SHIRTLES AND SHOWERING?!?!!?!!??? I swear I have so many thots thoughts in my head about that... Whyyyyy does he have to be so hot and know it? Why does he have to be such an exhibitionist lmaoooo.

Anyway this might sound delulu but I swear every time I start thinking about a guy irl too much, Jungkook does something like this that makes me not able to think about anything but him lol 😭😭😭

Sorry for dropping this rant lol but clearly this man is making me have a lot of thoughts as always. I hope you're doing well Rid, and that this insanity has been a welcome distraction from anything bad that might be going on, I know it has been for me. Love youuuu 💞💕💞💕💞💕

IVI!! damn all the things we have to do!! i got so lucky with that live bc mondays are my free days (from work) and i caught the entire showcase right before my online class!! but GAWD, wasn't it a masterpiece?!

it truly felt like chatting with him, but with him occasionally breaking out into songs to serenade us 🥺 did you see the way he looked at the audience during the tender love songs?! or when he sang still with you? oh my god, i've never seen this much affection and so many stars in someone's eyes :( jungkook oozes kindness.. how he spoke to armys. so cautiously, like he's handling us with care? but then, he's also such a dork?! telling a WHOLE STADIUM not to talk at once bc he can't hear them 🤣 the effort to listen to as many as possible, though 🤍

oh god, i don't even wanna talk about how much i cried during and after still with you (yes, i do though). idk what happened exactly, but i couldn't stop crying for a good while and am tearing up even now, and it's been 2 days LOL. he's my comfort person fr. like, he's everything good in the world and it hurts so much that i can't tell him and give him all the love i have for him specifically, does that make sense? sigh.

NO BUT THEN AGAIN, THE GCF WAS SOOOO WRONG OF HIM!!! i can't physically deal with whatever tf happened in there?! the saNRIO PLUSHIE?! the way i'd swoon if my partner brought that home. the gd helmets... like... wbk but........ and just the vibe in general, the entire video was so bf. the bit of him with his hair combed to the side/back and the black oversized shirt, and him taking his chain off. cemented in my brain. will drown and die in that very moment ::( i love him sm ivi, what do we do with all that affection i don't understand hwjfksidhs. and i get it omg. everyone just fades compared to him, and i'm starting to get worried about it lol 😭 he's like the crush one keeps coming back to. but also, a guy irl huh 👀

i'm glad you found distraction in this, love. i definitely did, too. today's a bit rough though, so i gotta ask, how are you doing? in general and regarding the announcement, have you been feeling okay? if not, then here's a hug, and we'll live through this together and i'm here to rant anytime 🫂 i love you, iviiii 🤍

[pith1a]

Hi, I noticed one of your bookmarks when I looked through the ones of a fic. I noticed that you have a very interesting way of doing those 🥰 mind sharing how you did this?? Or where I can DIY for dummies for me? Would be quite thankful 🙇‍♀️

Hi! Yeah I can explain the logic behind the tags, no problem :D Before I get into that though, some unasked for advice: Please add a profile pic and bio, there's too many bots in everyone's inbox these days so this ask was almost lost in a "report bot first, ask questions later" type rush, before I realized this was an actual question and not spam😂 So, the tags are a new thing for my ao3 account; I've been on ao3 since 2015 and the amount of fics I've read is ungodly- but I didn't have a decent way to go back and look through the fics I had saved (either in private bookmarks, marked for later fics, or spreadsheets even), so there's a small amount of fics publicly tagged compared to how many are actually saved, since I only really came up with this system like this past week. (There's a lot of information so I'm gonna cut the post here bc I probably went into too much detail)

The short Summary and Last Accessed section is from a browser script, it generates those automatically when I press "bookmark". You can find the script here (works with a simple browser add on like Tampermonkey, I use the script with Tampermonkey on both PC and Mobile on Firefox, not sure what other alternatives exist for other browsers).

The tags are all based around being able to look for fics to re-read later; so every tag serves the purpose of letting me know few key things about the fic and also to let me filter works based on niche things.

There's a few "Utility tags" for lack of better word, that I use for things like marking the pov character ("X-Character centric"), and if they're AUs the character or event that the AU is centred around: so "Jon Snow Variant" for Game of Thrones fics where his character is different and "Red Wedding Variant" for fics where the Red Wedding goes differently and the divergence from canon starts there. Some fandoms also get custom tags for the Event Variant tag (because I think I'm funny).

Similarly I might tag the type of AU or content: "Time Travel", crack and crack-ish fics, crack treated seriously, angst, different types of AUs as I come across them.

I'm personally a big Crossover reader, so you'll see a lot of "X Fandom Crossover" in the tags or "Into X Fandom Crossover" (the second version used to signify what canon/world the fic is in). I also use "Get Isekai-ed" for fics where a character gets... Iseakai-ed or transmigrates or gets reborn into another fandom basically. And lastly there's tags I'd categorize as "The impression the fic left me" so if a fic made me cry irl (see: "I'm not crying there's just something in eye I swear"), if I really like the world-building and original characters, if i thought the fic was all around really well developed ("Excellence 🤌" or "5⭐️" the difference here is vibe based, I can't explain it any better), if I was going feral while reading, if I thought a relationship was really well written, so on and so forth.

Really, if you want to start tagging your bookmarks the thing I'd recommend is just not putting too much thought into it. You want your tags to be simple in a way you'd understand while looking through them (or alternatively just use them as comments for the fic, that's how my tag system started).

tl;dr -Use tags you don't need to think about for more than 2 seconds to know what they are -Tag based on what feels right for you and customize your use of bookmarks as you see fit -Have fun with it

I hope this helped :D

[nedlittle]

hello - don’t feel like you have to answer this - i really admire how much you read and the variety of books you review. i am trying to read more in 2023, but i have a hard time finding things i like and an even harder time finishing books that don’t grab me by the 70ish page mark. do you mind sharing bit of insight on how you find what you like and, more to the point, how you get yourself to finish a book that you know is going to be a 2 star review maximum well before you’re done?

anon i am SO sorry for letting this rot in my inbox for over a month, i genuinely have not had the time to give you the answer you deserve. this is going to be long, so i'm going to divide it into two main parts

part i: how to find things you like.

the easiest advice i can give is just to think about books you like and what you enjoy about them. my favourite genre is historical fiction, but i like a very specific type of historical fiction that i have difficulty explaining bc it's vibes-based. largely queer historical fiction that interrogates its setting rather than using it as a backdrop for modern characters in period clothing; i'm not huge on historical family sagas, but i do love when the style is a little fucky. i like reading classics, mainly mid-late 19th century and mid-20th century ones as historical artifacts, i like comparing and contrasting similar texts like i'm writing a book report, and i like purple prose. i like some fantasy and sci-fi but not a lot because i'm a big dumb-dumb with complex worldbuilding and think that some genres, like urban fantasy are just a little silly, this is my subjective taste. think about what you don't like and why you don't like it with the same amount of thought. that's step 1.

so, you've figured out what you do and do not like. now, to find more of the same. if your author is alive and has a web presence, check out what they recommend on social media, check out books they've blurbed. you may not have the same taste as the authors you like and god knows i've read at least 3 books because alison epstein recommended them and i really liked her debut novel only to find that her taste and mine don't always align. do the same with your friends, even if they may not have the same taste. ask them what a five-star read is to them. ask the little tumblr people in your phone. it's okay to have caveats. whenever i ask for book recs on here, i clarify that i am not interested in reading a little life and i probably never will be.

if you look for book recs everywhere, like i do, you will find them. try something your favourite podcast host recommends! read lists of new releases in a genre of your choice!

anon i don't know what your local library sitch is. mine has a great website for finding similar books. the example i'm using here is my fave read of 2021, the flight portfolio by julie orringer

if you click on the covers it will tell you why these titles are recommended, mostly for shared subject matter and setting, occasionally for stylistic or thematic similarities. none of these books appeal to me, but if i scroll down a little more...

fucking bingo. so, because i am me, i am going to select "lgbtqia" and "historical fiction", maybe "stylistically complex" if i want to narrow it down

it gave me 12 books total that are available at my local library. of the first four, i have read three (adored one, points if you guess which one), and the remaining book is on my tbr.

the storygraph is also fantastic for recommendations, though like all recommendations, they're hit-or-miss. if you have an account, which i recommend, and i also recommend you add me if you do @/kitnotmarlowe because that way you can keep up with the saga of me unintentionally reading books where lesbians have threesomes and a ghost is involved somehow. but if you have an account, you get recommendations right on your homepage that you can filter by length, genre, mood etc

sorry this is 5 px i had to zoom out to get all the available options. you can also sort your reading preferences including fave genres (up to 5), the kind of books you like reading (open-ended and comma separated), characteristics you appreciate most (up to 3), genres you aren't currently interested in (as many as you want, i currently have 26), things that turn you off books the most (up to 3), and books that you're never in the mood for (as many as you want, the only one i have marked is 'relaxing'). you can ask for specific recommendations without changing your preferences if you want something specific NOW and you have the option of browsing similar books for any of the books in their database

now that that's out of the way, onto...

part ii: how do you finish books that aren't good

here's the secret: you don't have to. life is too short to commit to finishing something you aren't interested in or upset by or simply not vibing with. as a kid i used to be really bad with this and finished every single book i read even if it scared the absolute shit out of me (wuthering high by cara lockwood) or accidentally exposed me to baby's first sex scene (have been trying to remember what book this is for YEARS). if something isn't gripping you by the 70 page mark, put it down. unless you're reading it for school or being paid to review it. sometimes you just don't vibe with a book! maybe you'll pick it up later, maybe you won't and that's fine. i tried reading a historical romance last year but got so distressed by the politics and stupid understanding of suffrage that i quit before i was halfway.

"how you get yourself to finish a book that you know is going to be a 2 star review maximum well before you’re done"

if you look at my worst books of 2022, you'll see that over half of them are dogshit historical mysteries that i finished solely to try and solve the mystery, even if they were written with all the poise and skill of a fast food receipt or utterly nonsensical or colonial in a way i didn't expect to find in the 21st century. i am a hater at heart. i have an entire tag devoted to books i've finished out of spite. sometimes you finish a book you think is dogshit so that you can Tell The World (or at least your friends) that it is dogshit and get all your feelings out and once you have achieved catharsis you can read something new. sometimes you think a book is dogshit and nobody else really agrees and you feel like you're in the twilight zone so you write out your thoughts and release them unto the internet.

i'm of the opinion that a bad book can be as instructive as a great one. you can take apart a bad book and figure out what works (for you personally and for the book from a craft standpoint). this is a pro-litcrit blog even if it's just you writing a 2000 word review of a book approximately 5 people have read JUST so you can send it to a friend and have them empathize with your suffering. taking literature apart is fun! sometimes you have to power through an awful book before you can read a great one

sorry that this is so long but i hope it was a bit helpful. my inbox is always open to requests for recommendations no matter how niche. go forth and read widely!

[pinkseas]

(kicks the door down, fire surrounding me like a stage concert) I AM SAID AO3 USER COMMENT YOU WILL NEVER FIND MEEEEE I READ YOUR REPLY TO MINE AND BAWLED you get me you gget me so hard ao3 user anomaly98!!!!!!! (i did say in my comment i dug thru ur tumblr and here i am yet again)

not because i'm a prick not revealing myself thoughg i just have self esteem issues bc of liking qpr xiaolumi. yeah thas righrt i am shy of exposing that i dig this side of the r/s and i don't delve into the romantic one ever. prolly cus i'm an aromantic myself but like YOU KNOW- i just want to pop in to rlly emphasize the fics really do mean a lot to me in words you got it better described. that qpr in general has a different feel to intimacy and it fits them so nicely as people who are?? i guess, lonely but surrounded? (lumine to her friends who doesn't understand her enough, xiao to the adepti in that same matter, and the people of liyue who will never listen back to him), and here's another few disgustingly picky thing i got that your fics have that i tend to do in brainrotting it; most in lumine's pov and having her see through xiao's vulnerability firsthand. gosh that is so rare, you'd think bc he's always portrayed strong boi yaksha to protect the traveler all the time, but not in this perspective. and when yuou have her care for him both in the shower and bed just sends me straight face first into bed squealing crying blood of the consideration of ~~~~this whatever invisible distance~~~~ they have like its on lumine's condition to be aware of; she insists and ask first, and xiao is still allowed to say yes And no- and ~~~~this whatever closeness~~~~ xiao is reluctant to provide and its only to lumine's promptings in their friendship he accepts it, and felt warm enough to reach out if not in a ghostly touch.

very specifically, i love to see them not so in love with each other- i mean they can fall in love anytime (and in my interpretation they're a lot slower than yours in development but still a path to qpr eventually). i see their relationship as,... very fragile, but very grounding. its this small important part of their life they can shed their masks and be vulnerable like your recent fic to find each other's answers and resolve through it together because they're the Only two people of this world to understand (aside aether, aside all ppl xiao lost) that makes their dynamic so meaningful and i hope more ppl can see that side of them. ao3 user anomaly98 this is why YOU GET MEEEEEEEEE

deep breath.

if you do not wish to be found i will not search please know my inbox is always here i will welcome you with open arms <- pretend im saying this like Really Dramatically real somber real like. idk. like the way an ancient narrator begisn the story and reads the prophecy THAT kind of drama thats the vibe

its okay i would simply never assume u were a prick and i 100000% understand the insecurity that comes with enjoying certain aspects of ships and ESPECIALLY insecurity rooted in Being Aromantic and Enjoying Things In An Aromantic Sort Of Way like ive gotten way better its prob the only reason im able to write them how i want now but i ABSOLUTELY have been there i Understand

lonely but surrounded is SUCH a good way to put it. i genuinely do think lumine is close with a LOT of the others, i think she has a lot of trust and care for them, but its not the same. its not the same depth, not the same commitment, you're SO right comparing it to like. idk !!! idk. lumine once had aether who understood everything so easily and xiao had the other yakshas they both had a family, once, they both had people who understood, once, and now no matter who they love and trust in that matter they are alone. and that's something i love so much about the dynamic i envision for them, the fact that they're able to share such a unique loneliness, the fact that in not being understood by anyone around them they're able to understand each other. there's a level of distance and disconnect between them and those around them that doesn't exist with the other. its SO fucking important to me.

xiao is SO often depicted as being either a) very protective, strong, unbreakable etc or b) very vulnerable and fragile and i fairly often see fics of like. one of them protecting the other, almost? or less that but fics where the dynamic is Skewed, where one of them has the Role of protector and the other the Role of protected, where those roles are set in stone. and i think them being on the same wavelength, capable of protecting each other at any point, equally capable of either- that's so fucking important to me. it's not just that one of them is vulnerable, its that they're vulnerable with each other. it's not just that one of them will fight, it's that they'll fight for each other and fight together. it's equal. it's shared. so much between them is shared. their loneliness, their otherness, the unique way they feel about each other, their grief.

"i love to see them not so in love with each other" no bc this FUCKS. in my little brain i imagine it still takes time but i do definitely write it as being faster, and i think i imagine it as faster too? less rushing into it or any sense of need to be closer and more of just clicking so quickly, so easily, that what follows feels natural. "very fragile, but very grounding" is another REALLY good way of putting it your MIND oh my GOD!!!!!

idk just. for me so much of it is the small moments? sometimes when im walking out in the preserve the wind is cool and the air is fresh and the sun is warm and i think oh, this isn't so bad. this is lovely. and that's the kind of vibe i try to go for with them. contentedness over happiness, smaller gestures over grand ones. a quiet kind of love.

okay im losing my entire thought process idk that i had one to begin with admittedly but yknow. time to think about them for 120 billion years and never ever stop i wish iwasnt so tired id try writing more Literally Right Now. might try anyways and channel the sleepy into some sort of rly peaceful early morning/late night scene who knows

[t4tdanvis]

Diaries Michi has so much potential actually.

She's just too shitty in just a terribly written way.

It's honestly really weird that they made a poc,, that.

Not to mention the SA,,,

Honestly Let's look at the evil mcd girls

Michi, Sasha, Ivy and Lillian.

We don't know much about Lillian. She's a mystery. Does she want to be ok Zane's side? Why is she doing what she does? She lacks screentime but it makes her all the more intriguing in a way. She's so mysterious that you just want to know more about her. I just wanted to mention her I don't have much to say about her.

Sasha is honestly very tragic and very redeemable. Someone tricked by magic. And she still has some goodness in her. She does kill people yes, a lot. But she still has some goodness, or atleast loyalty. She believes all her friends left her to die. And then was taken in by the shadowknights, so ofcourse she's going to be loyal to them. However, despite this. When she believed Aphmau left Laurance to die she stood up for him, saying that even if he did that to her he didn't deserve it. And she was fine with Kenmur moving on and marrying Emmalyn. Wanting him to be happy. She's very loyal. She cares a lot about the other shadowknights, upset when Zenix killed them.

I could fix her.

Now we have Ivy, simple but interesting.

She has no tragic backstory. She is just who she is. She has no sense of loyalty at all. She doesn't care who she serves. She joined the jury for power and glory. And she left no problem during the gap between season 1 and season 2. She is women's wrongs. Compared to Sasha she has absolutely no sense of loyalty. Her actions are purely self serving and I adore how it foils Sasha. Her actions are evil, but she has a goal and reason.

And michi, michi has a sad backstory in minecraft diaries. And her direction is so weird.

But she COULD continue the pattern here, honestly. The thing in between Sasha and Ivy; someone who is both tragic and selfish because of that. To make sure she doesn't have to go through that again.

Like there is interesting stuff there underneath the, all that. I would not add the slave trading and human trafficking at all but like- let me just unpack it.

She was human trafficked? Traded. Imprisoned throughout a huge part of her like. And her unlikeable personality made the werewolves not want her to marry their leader. What if she like, started acting like that in order to save herself y'know? She's someone who had to rely on herself. And then she gets innocent people to save herself, to make sure she doesn't have to go through that again.

That part of her, that is what has potential. Flawed but reasonable. Selfish but not mercilessly cruel.

The way they went about her sucks. Making a poc a slave trader? Wtf? The inplied SA was so unnecessary and weird.

She was also human trafficked herself? And now she does it to others? That's so weird to do??

But like- there was potential there.

did i leave this in my inbox for a million years bc i am terrible at responding to asks that clearly have Thought put into them (bc i have no thoughts in my head at all times) and am i the Worst Person Ever? yes. yes i did. and i am. but ANYWAYS

i really love this ask AUGHHHHHH ur so smart and idk what to add to it!!! ur analysis of characters is always so fucking i fucking LOVE it i am eating it

i do agree that michi has SO much potential but then just. flopped. she couldve been so cool but then jesson fucked it up for no reason 😭

in my rewrite im not 100% sure what im going to do with her - i dont want to completely remove the horrible things shes done, but also i dont want her to suck (writing wise) as much as she does in canon. there is so much potential there and i am hmmmmmm considering how i can fix her

[genderkoolaid]

hi, sorry if this is bothersome but i'm feeling really shitty and have questions and don't know who else to turn to. i recently made a post about how my friends talk in a very condescending way about men and how in general people complaining about men being trash in front of me makes me feel bad and like they think i'm inferior (i'm a trans man). i got a reply that accused me of wanting women to be uncomfortable around me and being misogynistic on order to be accepted by cis men. and that i should be thankful that women are comfortable complaining about men around me bcs that means they see me as non-threatening. it made me think - should i just suck it up? this is a reoccurring theme in my life that evolved into a microtrauma - i hate when people shit on men around me, i both take it personally and sometimes i see it just as being a shitty person when those women aren't complaining about something that men did to them, just saying how weak and stupid men are. i have lost 2 friends because they kept making fun of men and then of me for being a man. and i'm just wondering, if i really should just empathize with them and ignore my feelings - if that's the right thing to to - or if i'm allowed to feel what i feel (hurt, angry, sad, like they think i'm inferior, that they're being unfair and mean) and maybe even call them out or just express my feelings in a non-threatening way. because i feel shitty as hell - i feel inferior and also misgendered somehow. but what if i'm ignoring women's issues and being misogynistic? what if i just need to be more considerate?

a continuation of that ask about being uncomfortable when people shit on men: i just remembered i wanted to express this too. again, sorry of you don't want people venting into your inbox. from all the transandrophobia on the internet, i developed this microtrauma that is manifesting in fear of women and women focused lgbt spaces. i'm not afraid of all women, this is specifically only on the internet and it's not on a big scale. also mostly on tumblr. what happens is that i see posts specifically about, like, girls being absolutely amazing, or like, trans women specifically needing help. and i get this whiplash of like, fear that something against men or trans men will follow. it usually doesn't and i might even reblog that post. but there's still this fear that there are so many women on the internet that hate men and trans men specifically and will look down on me and will harrass me and it could be anyone. and anything that even remotely reminds me of anti-trans-men posts will make me feel scared just for a few seconds. like those posts that go "support trans people, especially trans women!" or even absolutely innocent posts. and i feel pretty guilty for that, i mean feeling bad bcs of a post that supports women (trans or cis) sounds like (trans)misogyny. but i rationally don't have anything against that, i mean i'm a feminist and i'm all for trans women's rights and happiness. i support trans (and cis) women. it's just the trauma, bcs anti-transmascs often support trans (and cis) women and compare us with them. i'm just scared that those women will hate me. idk i just wanted to tell someone and be heard. i'm so tired and i know i should go off the internet, i'm gonna do that now. thank you so much for reading.

For lack of a less stereotypical phrase, your feelings are valid.

A lot of the "men are bad" stuff comes from genuine experiences with misogynstic men. Venting about that is not bad, but "venting about your oppression is good" does not mean that "venting can never be done in a hurtful way". If you were to talk condescendingly about women constantly because of how you've been hurt by women around your woman friends, it would be kind of a dick move. The same goes for cis women. Venting about how you've been hurt by men isn't bad, but that doesn't mean you have free range to say whatever you want with no thought for how it impacts people because "I'm venting about my oppression!" Your ex-friends should've listened to how they made you feel, because it's not right to excuse you hurting your friend. Especially when you are a trans man and already experience shame and hatred for being a man. Hurting other people and continuing to do to it when they tell you they've been hurt isn't excusable.

Obviously, you shouldn't let this let you become irrationally suspicious or negative towards women. But you also are not a bad person for reacting to constant stress and discrimination. When you constantly deal with sudden discrimination and harassment from people, it's natural to start getting suspicious or upset when you see things that remind you of that. I get the same way! Seeing posts and being hit with the worry of "would this person be normal about me? Would they harass me? Is this post innocent or an underhanded way of hurting me?" It's upsetting to have that reaction, because you want to just be happy and supportive. But the microtrauma of having those posts be connected to transandrophobia again and again takes it's toll, and it doesn't make you a bad person for having a reaction to that. The fact that transmascs have this microtrauma in general is a sign that there is something wrong with the online community and how it treats transmascs.

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

Prompt! I love Hunith and really like when she's depicted as a caring mother but I've always been fascinated by the idea that in her obsession to keep Merlin safe she actually traumatized him and hindered his development (we all remember the "am I a monster?" Line from the pilot).

One day Merlin and the gang (Knights, Arthur and whoever you want) (post magic reveal) are playfully comparing their childhoods, they ask Merlin about his and he refuses to tell them bc he doesn't want to be a Debby Downer but they keep insisting.

Maybe she tried to drown him as a babe hours after his first spell because she would rather do it herself than to have her son ripped away from her. She doesn't follow through with it but came real close.

Maybe he wasn't allowed to go outside for the first 5 years bc his magic is still incredibly temperamental and people could accidentally see it. Maybe she did murder a traveler that saw it and tried to run to tell someone, she doesn't know Merlin was watching.

Maybe when he was 9 she brought him to the kitchen before lunch, made him watch her decapitate a live chicken (it's the standard way to prepare and kill chicken for food btw), explained that if people see his magic this will be his fate. She made him watch the butcher of every chicken they cooked that season.

Maybe due to being confined inside and living fairly far from the village he was almost 8 the first time he saw someone other than his mother or the voices she kept him hidden from. She crafted a story of how he was adopted and his parents were friends of hers that died in a fire a few villages over.

I know sometimes I make these prompts too detailed but just do whatever you want. This is just some ideas and not a script. Go big, queen.

(This is #32 on This List)

Ok. So. I've been thinking about this in some capacity every second of my life since it arrived in my inbox, and anon? I'm in love with you.

I adore this concept. We all know I love a bit of angst, but this is top tier, and I'm going to make it really horrifying (I have tweaked it a little to make it more so)😁

~

SO!! The gang, all post magic reveal and everything, are discussing their childhoods. No real reason, it's just a topic of conversation that happened to come up. Merlin is happily listening in, but not really contributing at all until someone points it out, and he's all "Nah, don't mind me, my childhood was kind of a bummer." and they keep pushing and it's all "Well, it can't have been that bad, doesn't your mum tell you what you were like as a toddler?" and Merlin is like... kinda tense at the mention of his mother, but relationship wise he feels, after everything, they're in a really good place atm and he doesn't want to seem like he's bad talking her, and he also doesn't want to be teased or called out or seem like a bad son, because he knows all of his friends love his mum. So instead it's "Hmm, not really, I got punished a lot as a kid, was kinda naughty I guess." but like... poor boy doesn't understand that what happened.... was not normal, or ok in ANY way, even if he had magic (even post ban repeal, he struggles with the whole monster self image thing). Someone asks "Right, well... what was the worst thing you did, and the worst punishment you ever got?" and Merlin, deadass, without seeing an issue with it (he knows it's a mood killer, but he doesn't know how horrifying it is), says "One day she got really scared of my magic—I kept using it when she told me not to, so I guess it was my fault lol—and she drowned me in the river, then fished me out and buried me in the woods somewhere. That was how we found out I was immortal, because I dug myself out a few days later and wandered home, the whole village had apparently been out looking for me—I told them I just got lost. I don't think she knows I remember, and I plan on keeping it that way.". Everyone is... horrified, and Merlin is all smiling and "Told you it was a bit of a bummer, we get on a lot better now I can control my magic, don't worry." and they have to like... control themselves as they very calmly, very quietly, ask what else Hunith did in the name of keeping him safe.

ANYWAY it's horrifying, and all of them feel super guilty because they'd previously been really fond of Hunith. But yeah, burning him when he used magic, keeping him locked up for years, telling him terrifying bed time stories about evil kings and burning pyres and monsters (knights) coming for him in the night, among other things.

~

I am SO looking forward to writing this, thank you so MUCH!!!

[iwasbored777]

So I gave it thought and you can scroll past this if you don't care, it doesn't matter, I just need to get this off of my chest...

And as someone who survived way worse than cyber bullying, I can't leave just like that. A lot of people told me they'll miss me - in comments, in inbox, in asks too...

(I just don't want to leave you guys hanging that's why I'm posting them and thank you ❤️)

...and I'm grateful for your support and everything. Someone used to send me really mean anonymous asks and they sent me some hate stuff about Marinette and I always block people like them but I couldn't bc I didn't know who they were. And on YouTube you can't block hate. But I didn't expect so many of you to be so thoughtful in the comments when I wrote that I want to leave the fandom. I didn't think so many people care about me and my stuff. I worked hard to get here and it would be cowardly of me to leave now that I made so many great friends and now that I see that my Marinette sugar actually influenced someone 😭😭😭 makes me feel a lot better. That was the point of my account tho. That's why I post so much Marinette sugar. I just feel hopeless when I see how many hate she got and that "Marinette is a bad character" is a popular opinion. I understand for characters like Ross Geller and Danny Zuko, but not for her. I would really miss this account if I leave, I would probably never leave for good, just make a pause. This little pause was good for me and I even used that time to write another huge sugar analysis on Marinette's character. I mean really, if I don't do those stuff so often, who's gonna do it? And I'm also working on a Felila prompt too. Prompts are still closed btw, I have a lot of them to write.

And I hear that s5 will be soon so GREAT! I didn't expect them to release it so soon!

And if someone doesn't understand my points, which happens a lot of times even tho I try to make it crystal clear, I'll just say "that's not what I meant" if they want to argue cuz I don't want to argue and I'm sick of it, but I'm always here for nice people. As for hate asks and anything like that, I'm not going to answer them, just delete them. I don't care. And I'm asking you please do not send me any hate videos or hate posts for me to watch/read and write my opinion on it because I'm trying to stay away from hate. That's really bad for me.

So expect the new analysis to drop anytime soon, because it's done, I just have a few things to add/fix maybe. But that's all. I'll be back. I really needed some time off, I felt horrible that day. I even cried a little. I can't even explain how it was and what kind of things I got in my inbox. This fandom is so bad... People are so disgusting. But, thank you, everyone who sent those words of encouragement. It means so much to me. I would really miss you guys ❤️❤️❤️ all those haters can't compare to you. Know that for now I'll stay because of you. I can't let you watch the new season without my reactions now can I?

[narumi-gens]

hi!! so i just started writing fanfics, and i was just wondering -- how do you deal w/ numbers and the whole posting online thing? while i know that i should be writing for fun and stuff (bc it is!) and that im literally JUST starting out, BUT i just.. im someone who really heavily relies on validation, and when people don't really respond to my works well (or at all), i kinda just.. feel bad ): idk.. do u have any tips?

🥺 You came to me for advice on this, anon? 🥺 Thank you so much! I’m more than happy to pass on what I’ve learned and help out a new writer. I’ve been reading/writing fanfics on-and-off in some form or another for like ten years, but especially over the last four and am happy to share some tips. There are five main things that I think can help grow your follower count and the amount of feedback you get:

Don’t feel bad about wanting validation.

Consider the platforms where you post.

Write for active fandoms and popular characters.

Post frequently.

Interact with other authors.

This got rather long so I have more info under the cut about each of these. 

1. Don’t feel bad about wanting validation.

There’s this dumb trap that we all fall into as writers that tells us that validation isn’t important and that what matters most is our love of writing. While I enjoy writing, if my stuff got no notes and no feedback then I would definitely have gotten discouraged and quit writing awhile ago. Why would I put all that effort into something if no one seems to appreciate it? There’s nothing bad about wanting people to let you know they like your writing! I get so happy when I see someone left a comment on one of my fics or went crazy in the tags or sent me an ask. And when something doesn’t get any feedback, I get depressed about it and second guess whether I should have bothered writing it. So, definitely try not to get caught up feeling bad because you want people to tell you that they liked your work. 💕

2. Consider the platforms where you post.

I only use AO3 and Tumblr, so I can’t speak to any other platforms, but posting my writing on both of these are widely different experiences. Part of the culture of AO3 is giving kudos and leaving comments, so you’re more likely to get feedback there than anywhere else. I slowly built a following on Tumblr because of my AO3, even when I wasn’t posting anything on Tumblr itself. I would really recommend checking out AO3 if you’re not already on there! You do need to request an invitation, but it only took me a couple of days to receive one. I also have 8 invitations that I haven’t sent out, so DM me if you want one and I can give you one! 

I’m sure you’ve already seen posts about this, but the unfortunate thing about writing on Tumblr is that the feedback is absolutely minuscule and I’m not sure why. There’s this awful culture on this platform of people only liking content and not reblogging it to make sure it gets shared with other users. So, you end up really reliant on your own followers and the tagging system for your works to reach people. And the tagging system is a mixed bag. Sometimes your posts don’t show up in the tags or they will but only after a couple of days. If your post gets enough notes then it might go to the top of the search feed but then only for a few days at most. 

As a sidenote to readers, this is why reblogging is so important! Even if you only have five followers or don’t leave a comment, just reblogging it means a lot to content creators!

Here are some of the tips I have for the mechanics of Tumblr:

Use the tagging system, as imperfect as it is. I think Tumblr now reads the first 20 tags in your post, so use that to your benefit. I usually always tag at least: [character name]; [character name x reader]; [fandom]; [fandom x reader]. You can always also try things like: [character name genre], [fandom genre], [fandom fanfic], [character fanfic] as well.

Make sure your blog is easy to navigate and have a masterlist that’s easy to find. If a reader sees your content on their dash and decides to check out your other works, if they can’t find them on your blog then they’ll probably just leave.

Self-reblog as much as you feel you need to for your followers who may have missed your post. I self-reblog a lot for new content over the first couple of days and then even will do a few icymi self-reblogs later as well. It also helps to have a list in your profile somewhere of your recent updates so people can easily see if they’ve missed something. 

3. Write for active fandoms and for popular characters.

This might seem like common sense, but I think it’s something to keep in mind if you want to grow your follower count and your chances of getting feedback. And there’s nothing wrong with prioritizing a fic over another just because you want more feedback. I actually really want to write something for Chainsaw Man but the fandom is so small compared to the other fandoms I write for that I’m putting it on hold until the anime comes out. 

That’s not to discourage you from writing for characters or fandoms that are less popular -- I have a bad habit of writing for niche characters and fandoms. But I always see my activity spike when I write for more popular characters. Another tip is to try and figure out which characters people are thirsting over but where there’s a lack of fics for them. You’ll also find that some characters or fandoms just have louder fans than others. The stuff I’ve written for Gojo has gotten a lot of likes and notes, but not so many comments or much feedback. But the amount of asks and thirsts I’ve gotten for Naoya is wild. This is something you’ll learn over time as you keep writing!

4. Post frequently. 

This one is annoying because writers have lives and real-world responsibilities and we can’t just write 24/7. But when you’re trying to build a following, even if you can do a couple of short drabbles a week, you’ll really start to see your follower count and feedback grow. I’m not sure if people tend to like longer or shorter fics more, but overall people are just hungry for content and if you can give it to them on a frequent or at least regular basis then they’re more likely to interact, especially if you’re taking requests. 

But don’t prioritize writing and posting content at the cost of your own well-being. As authors we’re all guilty of this at one time or another, but your followers will understand if you have writer’s block or you need to take a step back! Taking care of yourself is more important than getting feedback or interaction. ❤️

5. Interact with other authors. 

Building relationships with other authors is a big one, but it’s also probably the hardest because a lot of us (me included!) are just so shy about reaching out! It’s like asking someone on a date or trying to be friends with someone you really admire. I know it’s scary to come off of anon (I still sometimes send asks on anon!), but authors recognize the names we see often in our notes and in our inboxes and we’re all really nice, I promise! 🥰 And I’m much more likely to read the fics of my mutuals and the people I follow than I am to be searching through the tags.

And I think there’s nothing wrong with reaching out to an author you love and politely asking if they’ll read your work. I think it’s totally okay to send something like, “I really love your writing and wanted to know if it’s alright if I share this fic I just posted with you? I’ve seen you thirsting over [character] and think you might like it if you have the time to read it!” The worst they can do is turn you down. I would never be upset over getting an ask like that as long as it was polite and the person was understanding that I might not have time to read their fic. But, I know that this is really scary to ask of someone. I’ve only done it once or twice, so maybe I don’t have any ground to stand on here, but I really think you should try it even if you need to send the ask on anon first.

Please just be mindful of an author’s rules before reaching out.

Another added bonus is that authors are more likely to reblog and give you feedback on the stuff you write because we’re in the exact same boat as you! We’re the perfect audience. 

And don’t forget...

Growing your follower count and reaching the level of feedback you want takes time. If you’re just starting out, don’t get discouraged. The more you write, the better you get so even if you’re not getting the feedback you want now, that doesn’t meant that you never will! 

And of course, pay it back in kind. Just how you want people to interact with your fics, we want the same. I always try to leave comments on the fics I read on AO3 and always reblog the fics I like on Tumblr and try to go wild in the tags so that the author knows that I loved their works. 

I hope you found all of this useful, anon! Best of luck with your writing! 💕

[paintpencilink]

(1) hey, you seem to know badger and bird secondaries very well, so i thought i'd ask you... i've considered myself a burned badger 2ndary with a bird model, but now i'm not sure. badger is something i'd *like* to do, something i feel i *should* be doing, what i consider the *right* way to do stuff; but i can't do it well, bc of my adhd and trauma and a lot of other things. i'm afraid to form connections and i'm crap at working consistently, but i *wish* i could do it. on the other hand, bird

(2) -2ndary is something that i find easy, and pleasant, and *fun*. collecting info is like, second nature to me. it feels good and natural. i don't choose based on usefulness; i have big chunks of the pokedex memorised, simply bc i think pokemon are neat. i don't feel like it's good enough, though. i want to do things the badger way; i think this is what a good person would do. i have no idea which one is my true 2ndary and which is the model. could you help?

So this has been sitting in my inbox for a while, because it’s not easy to answer.

Your question, at its base, is about whether morally valuing one secondary (which you’d like to use but can’t) over another (which is fun and easy and natural) means that it’s your House.

Frankly? I have absolutely no clue. This is a really, really individual question, and it’s confusing to sort out, and you’re probably going to have to think about different times in your life and do a little self-psychoanalysis to figure things out.

This is a complicated question and it’s really hard to fit into an ask. You did a good job describing it quickly, anon, but it’s just really really hard to get enough context even to give you a plausible guess.

Instead, I can offer some general ways to think about the question. I hope you don’t mind that the answer comes in this form.

Sorting yourself when you’re Burned: it’s complicated!

Sorting yourself is hard for everyone, but it’s easier when you aren’t Burned. Your House is the one that feels most like you, and you can narrow things down by picking out stuff that’s definitely not you, and if you identify with two then you have a pretty solid base to compare and figure out which one’s the model.

But when you have burned Houses in the picture, things have a lot more room to get confusing. For secondaries, you might have to choose between:

the secondary you morally value most (which ties into primaries)

the secondary your community morally values most 

the secondary you wish you could use but can’t because of circumstance: illness, time, resources, surroundings, etc

the secondary you maybe used to use until something happened, and you’re not sure you’re even the same person any more

the secondary you use for fun or are good at, but which you don’t really use to get anything important done

the secondary you *think* doesn’t really get anything important done, because you don’t trust it or you take it for granted

the secondary you’re copying off somebody else (which may be the same burned secondary you had in the first place--you can model or perform your own House!)

the secondary your trauma led you to believe will make you safe (I bet there’s at least one fawn responder out there who’s adopted an unhealthy form of Badger secondary)

the secondary that’s comforting to you because it helps you cope (e.g. Bird secondaries maintaining routines and setting up systems for self-care)

Someone with a burned secondary might have more than one of these, and that’s really difficult because not only are they potentially confusing these other options for their actual House, but they might confuse them with each other.

An example

That sentence is getting a bit lost, so here’s a more concrete description of how this might play out.

Imagine you’re a Snake living in a community that’s heavy on Bird primaries. Your important people are mostly Birds, and this particular group really prizes Bird secondary as the right way to get things done.

As a Snake, you’re likely to kind of pick up primary models of the people you care for most. So you have a Bird primary model. Eventually you also internalize the cultural message that Bird secondary is the most reliable, trustworthy, responsible, right way to do things, and you value it too.

Except, you’re actually a burned Lion secondary. Your impulse is to just do stuff, but for whatever reason, that doesn’t seem to work well. Maybe it does for someone with more energy, more drive, more focus, but not for you.

You really admire Bird secondaries, but their way of doing things feels rigid and stifling and bores you to hell. Your friends are kind of spooked by the idea of going into situations with no preparation--they like to consult each other and research ahead of time and collect everything they need before they start, and they’ve all been absorbing the same cultural messages you have that Bird is the best way to get things done. They don’t think charging will work.

You think you value Bird secondary intrinsically, because of your Bird primary model, and you don’t realize how much you’re affected by your community favoring it. Maybe your Bird friends even reassure you that you’re actually good at using Bird secondary, but you're sure that’s because they don’t know how much you have to bang your head against the desk in the process.

Boom--you’ve got ties to two secondaries, one that feels like you but you don’t value it, and one which feels like the right way to do important things but you can’t use it. 

Anyway, this isn’t to say that your Badger isn’t your actual secondary, anon. I don’t know what your actual secondary is. This is just an example of the kind of situation you might want to think about. It’s going to be different for everyone.

Who you are at your best

Remember, Houses are aspirational. They’re the you that you want to be, outside of things like ability or cultural influence. Don’t take your examples of yourself from times when you’re really stressed out.

The “what do you use when your back’s against the wall?” question works best if you’re not Burned and you have a strong model--you’re likely to drop the model in favor of the toolset you’re most comfortable with. If you are Burned, then in a stressful situation you might actually be more likely to reach for your model instead, because you don’t trust your main House--or it might be a toss-up between the two based on what you think will work in the moment.

Instead, look at when you’re least stressed, or when you need to do something in a very low-stakes situation. Those would be the times you’re most likely to drop your guard and reach for your secondary, Burned or not. It’s still not a definitive question, but it might help.

Switching Houses?

Traumatic experiences affect everyone differently. Sometimes the you that recovers is very different from the way you were before, and that’s very much okay. I do think it’s possible to switch Houses over time, especially in the case where you’re maybe just healing in a different direction than you might have expected, and to find contentment and happiness there. Again, I have no way of knowing if this is what you’re going through--just a suggestion.

---

Sorry this took a while to give you not a whole lot of answers!

Oh, one more thing: @wisteria-lodge has experience being a burned Badger secondary with a playful Bird model. Maybe they’ll have some insight for you?

[themoonispurple7]

I'm a different anon, but I don't think there's need to get all defensive with the "vminkook real" hashtags. Saying a company is marketing their employees a certain way clearly isn't hating on tae or something. I agree with what they said. Just this year during jikook's vlive staff took JM off cam to talk, he replied "so suddenly?" and then Tae called and JM literally stood up from the table and left JK. He didn't even care to interact with TH. (1)

It was shocking to me when JM got that call and inmediately left -it's not like him to do that, I was really like what?? And I'm definitely NOT one for conspiracy theories, I don't even believe in a lot of jikook theories, hell I don't even have jikook theories. But I do think there are efforts of trying to get back to the "screen" the before-2017 maknae line dynamics, which is stupid and kinda dehumanizing bc they're not the same people but well. (2)

On the subject of the ask I replied previously. The only reason I used the vminkook hashtags was because I wish people would love all three of them and enjoy their content without having the need to compare and come scream in my inbox about which pair is more “gayish”. Also because they all really looked good.

As for the vlive, I read that as Jimin being annoyed by the interruptions from the staff. They used to be able to do a vlive by themselves, but now there is always staff involved, and I get the impression neither Jimin or Tae are too thrilled about that. I don’t think it’s a conspiracy to get anyone closer together, I legitimately think Tae called and wanted to hear from the guys.

Anyway, vminkook superior.