you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.
you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.
he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.
a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.
he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.
you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.
people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.
wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.
also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.
he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."
you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.
"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."
he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.
you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.
is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?
you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.
3K notes
·
View notes
Please infodump about the silly little bards please (only if you want to ofc)
TAKES A DEEP BREATH . OKAY !!!!
(apologies this got a little long so it’s going under the cut And i also. put a miniature train on a track and watched it race off, so the thoughts !! Might be !! a little scrambled, and jump around a lot ,,,)
okay sorry we are starting off a little bittersweetly because . god ghost bard makes me ill in so many ways. it is one of the more …. happier endings, for him, i feel he would kinda like being a ghost. at first. there is a certain freedom to it—he can go anywhere !!! he can explore the world like he had planned to do, and he can still do it with his dearest friend !!!!! there’s no time limit, like if he were a human, and he can Fly Now, on his own, for another. can slink into the shadows and have others take the shining light—he’s a bard, he is here to listen and tell tales of others! pay no attention to the light flickering.
but it’s.
not really. living (irony included.) he’s stagnant. the world changes around him, he watches everyone venture forward on their paths, do greater things, be greater people—and he’s. still. here, as he was, a perfectly still moment of the best and worst part of his life. every time his friend turns to look at him he can always see a flash of pain in their eyes. but (reusing what i said in tags) he doesn’t … want to leave, i feel. yes, he doesn’t age. yes, he mimes breathing even when his lungs have stopped. yes, he wishes he could truly feel what his friend’s palms feel under his own, when they try to interlace hands; that’s the reason, though. venti is an immortal. venti outlives nearly everyone he meets. venti has lost their friends, their once was life and thrust into a completely new one. he has to stay. he has to, he has to, because he can’t stand venti being on their lonesome, when all they knew before this was warmth.
so . my friend, if you will allow me, let me be by your side. let me be what you were for me, all those years.
when ragnvindr leaves. when gunnhildr dies. when venti deems this city okay to walk on their own. he follows his wisp and sits close enough that venti’s wings shiver from cold. i’ve got you. (there is also . so many ways you can take this au: angst, majorly, but they should be happy and smiling whenever the opportunity arrives so canon to me that venti knows the bard is there and whenever he can be leans over and knocks his shoulder against the bard’s. love you. love you too.)(also the idea of mondstadt having one (1) ghost but it’s just your friendly neighbor bard checking in. they’re co-parenting mondstadt.)(ALSO ALSO here’s how bard getting to know og gunnhildr even more and meeting vennessa can win—)(potentially also the og7……)
(also also also This Bard has more than likely seen everything that has happened to venti :3c if we’re doomed, my song, let’s be doomed together.)
OKAY . ANYWAYS
waves my hands high . THEIR LOVE !!!!!!!!
they are both so “in every life, i would search for you,” because there is NO WAY that they, whose relationship was so important To The Story As A WHOLE, where venti would be a completely different character had he not met the bard (case in point: His Entire Design), where mondstadt as it is now is still being affected by those dreams and hopes of the past !!!!!!!!!!—that could not have been a one off, one lifetime thing. venti is following bard in the next life and the bard is running around with hands cupped around his mouth and shouting “dearest beloved where are you :(” until they reunite and hug. i refuse to be convinced otherwise. no one can stop them from reaching out and hoping the other’s hand grazes, then latches on. they are a PACKAGE DEAL ‼️
like gestures to Several Lines from the game ???:
(sorry that’s fully the wiki for the windblume ode i don’t have it 😔) godbless 🙏 venti has a lot on his mind and i am full belief that the nameless bard is a good 45% at the forefront of it (the fact. that. it’s very very possible that venti looks through things through a lens of: what would be good for the people, and, would this have made him happy…. Makes Me want to start chewing at the walls.) (<- im so genuinely surprised there aren’t more people who go buckwild over the bard the two of them are so intricately interlinked ????? if you removed one the whole thing would fall apart ????)(tbh that could be said for the old mond crew as a whole.)
it’s about the devotion. it’s about the adoration. it’s about a god worshipping a mortal and refusing to miss even one singular prayer.
also wings of azure wind remind me both of the traveler and nameless bard. like be so genuine right now genshin, someone going on an adventure, a journey, and the breeze that follows turns into a person at the end ??? and accompanies that person across the lands ???????
ALSO HEY HI . HERES MY AGENDA TO CECILIAS BEING VENTI’S FAVORITE FLOWER EVER AND IT’S PARTLY BECAUSE OF THE NAMELESS BARD:
like ofc there’s the fact that cecilias seemed to have been the windblume for the rebellion, see: the flower is on the flag, the flower being pinned to nameless bard’s scarf.
but also.
because. it probably took a solid minute for the other flowers to bloom (the entire land was Ice Cold there had to have been repercussions from andrius lifting that all suddenly !!), i imagine that cecilias were one of the few flowers old mond saw on a regular, until what light breezes had them start to wilt. and. Well.
an “unbound soul” you say, huh, genshin ……
venti and nameless bard would’ve fully switched cecilias if the bard had lived that headcanon lives rent free in my brain.
anyways looks at this and squints. what in the world is going on with cecilias:
what else. what else. OH .
Venti . would trust the bard inexplicably with his wings source: trust me. venti would trust the bard inexplicably with so much. venti could hand the bard his heart on a silver platter and smile, because the bard would cherish it something precious. i await the day when it is ever . ever made canon that bard and wispti had a home together and slept cuddled or just by one another in general. there has to be a reason why venti says i haven’t seen this view in a while When He Is Sitting on his Statue’s HANDS. if the bard were to have ever have a social media account he 100% would’ve done “showing my wisp places they’ve never seen before” trend while holding wispti like a hamburger.
i. May be running out of steam. qpr bardven canon
7 notes
·
View notes