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aurorafables · 5 months

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From the Grey, Chapter 1.

Let's get is started. :) I'm very excited, and I hope you will like it bc I loved to write it.

Pairing: Noah Sebastian X Nicholas Ruffilo

Warnings: 18+, Explicit, Angst, Past character death, Suicidal thoughts

Tags: M/M, Slow burn, Childhood friends, Friends to lovers, Family drama, Band fic

Word Count: 4.2k

Cross-posted: AO3

Author's note: This was originally written in Hungarian, and I'm still looking for a proofreader, so please forgive me the mistakes, strange expressions. Hope it's still enjoyable. Let me know, what do you think. :) Also let me know if you want to be tagged in the upcoming parts :)

Summary: In Noah's life, his best friend was the light, the way out of the abuse he suffered at home. After a childhood full of trauma, in which he was stripped of his wings so many times, he moves in with Nick, whose goal is to let him fly. The band, Bad Omens, led by Noah, begins to soar, which brings at least as many problems as joy. As teenagers grow into men, Noah and Nick drift closer and closer to each other, and the boundaries of friendship and love completely merge.

Chapter 1.

It would be difficult to say exactly when it started. It was as if the dynamic between the two of us had completely changed without being noticed. I could compare it to when I'm doing a tattoo and I want to create a nice color gradient to make the design look as realistic as possible. The point is that you can't tell where one color ends and the other color begins. Even between us, the transition from wanting to hug him in a friendly way to kissing him passionately was imperceptible.

Maybe I woke up like that one day, but it's also possible that the desire had been brewing in me for weeks, months, years, I just blocked it deep down. And what if I felt that little spark the first time we met, but I was still almost a child and couldn't identify it? I have to start this story somewhere. And like most fairy tales, it didn't start well. The mood of the whole band was cast by melancholy over the loss of a friend. But like all dead artists, Keaton remained immortal. His voice will live forever on the records, despite the fact that he was not with us anymore. The music of Too Close To Touch mingled with the cohesive low murmur of the crowd outside in the club's concert hall, where Keaton's vocals echoed painfully through the walls. "Death is not a game with the ones I hold close She was mine, mine, you can't deny Three years is too quick to die"* All his anger, all his pain were in the song he wrote about his little sister, who died lying on a hospital bed. In the text, he blamed God for choosing little Eiley over him. The poor boy had no idea at the time that they were both chosen… Personally, I would have liked to break something if I remembered that he was gone now, and I could only reassure myself that maybe they were already up there together. If it even exists up there. Because what if up there is actually only two meters underground?

The song didn't come at the best moment, because we had to go on stage right after, and I might be able to hide my mood in front of the audience… I glanced at Noah and my heart sank when I saw him banging his head against the wall, clutching the microphone in his hand, next to the stage, which we will soon have to walk up to. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, which I completely forgot to do in parallel. I was so worried about him. I knew he'd hate himself for that if his voice cracked while singing the opening lines of The Death Of Peace Of Mind. His maximalism was what he could torture himself with the most. Also, he had to be up there alone at the beginning of the song, we didn't join until later. I walked to him and gently put my hand on his shoulder, but I still managed to scare him a little because he pulled away before he opened his eyes. When he saw me, he almost snuggled back into my hand. It reminded me of my very first cat, the little black ball of fur I found on the street when I was barely ten. I named him Dusk because of his color and when he came to us I did everything I could to fatten him up. We slept together in my bed at night, because his soft purr always lulled me to sleep quickly. It was amazing how much Dusk and Noah were alike. Even in the semi-darkness next to the stage, my best friend's dark brown eyes glistened with unshed tears, which he tried to quickly blink away. His shoulders slumped forward in the thin linen jacket, and I'd bet his fingers were white under the faux-leather glove he wore on his left hand, clutching the microphone like a lifeline. He and Keaton were very close. In the last two years, they spent a lot of time together, especially during and after the Covid epidemic, when it was possible to travel. Even when they were far away, they kept in touch on a daily basis. Keaton was good with all of us, but he had a stronger bond with Noah. He wanted to remember him by playing their songs during the break after our opening band, but Eiley's song has never come at such a bad time.

“We can extend the time for five more minutes,” I told him, and meanwhile I looked back at Jolly, who was still fiddling with his headphones with the help of a sound technician, and Folio was deep in his own thoughts drumming on the wall, sometimes doing shoulder circles as a warm-up. "Everything's fine," Noah replied in a weak voice, to which I nodded hesitantly, lowered my hand, and took a step back. "I'm worthless to the world You're innocent and pure God, why didn't you choose me over her?”* They signaled to Noah, who gave a thumbs up as if everything was fine. Nonsense. I knew nothing was okay. Keaton's voice faded outside and soon the intro to our song began. I looked down at my guitar and after stretching my fingers I strummed a few chords just to pass the time. When Noah walked out and the crowd cheered, he wasn't as lost as he had been two minutes ago. He immediately filled the stage and sang like a fucking siren without faltering. I shook my head, feeling a little angry at myself for constantly underestimating him. It was about time to get used to that Noah wasn't ruined by all the crap that happened around him. On the contrary, it only strengthened him even more.

Two months later, I was sitting on the steps of the tour bus in Phoenix, beer in one hand and a half-smoked cigarette in the other, when I heard Noah's footsteps behind me. After a concert he liked to clear his head, so I thought he was going for his usual walk and I thought that I could join. I stood up to let him go, and when he stepped next to me, I was hit by the smell of his perfume. He had just stuffed his wallet into the back pocket of his pants, so I began to suspect that he had other plans for that evening. “Karin is in the city,” he said to me, but he didn't look at me, just watched the night lights. The blue neon lights of the bar glistened on the brunette's hair, and the tattoos running down his arms coiled around his skin like snakes. I thought I still had time. I thought I could figure something out before they met again in Salt Lake City. I blew out the last of the smoke, extinguished the butt, then slipped out of my denim jacket and held it out to him. “We will leave in the morning, be here by then.” Noah hesitantly took my jacket and looked at me. “That's it?” he asked in disbelief. I don't know what he expected. Maybe to remind him again that woman is crazy like hell? "I'm tired," I confessed to him. ”I can't save you from someone whose arms you keep running into. But I can do something to save you from catching a cold,” I gestured towards the jacket. He still didn't move, even though the situation was becoming more and more pressing for me, and the spring night wasn't nearly warm enough to keep me from getting goosebumps. I wrapped my arms around myself and hobbled in place. I kicked small stones with my boots on the asphalt of the parking lot and waited. I didn't care if I froze there, I wouldn't leave Noah alone as long as he needed me. The boys' laughter could be heard from inside the bus, a car honked on the street not far from us. I raised my head and immediately met a pair of dark eyes. Stared. I don't know how long or why. I swear he didn't even blink. Then he reached out and touched my arm under the sleeve of my shirt. “You are cold.” I blinked a few times, then started to move. I took the jacket from his hands and draped it over his shoulders. “But you don't have to be cold,” I answered him with an encouraging smile. “Everything will be okay. I will be okay,” he said quietly and gloomily. I don't know which of us he wanted to convince with this, but it didn't work. The smile immediately melted off my face. “Noah…” It's been a long time since my voice sounded so desperate when I said his name. I think all my fear must have been on my face because Noah took a step back and shook his head. I was ready to try again to get him to stay. We could have done so many things. From walking to sitting down to play video games with the boys. Or we could have gone to a nightclub to drink and to flirt with girls. Whatever, just don't let that cunt touch him again… He brushed his hair back and shrugged as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “I have to go, Nick. We will talk in the morning.” And that was it. There was nothing I could do to keep him there.

I got home from the tattoo salon late that night and was so tired that all I could think about was my bed. But as soon as I stepped through the door, the strong smell of weed hit me. It went through the small apartment so intensely that I almost got sick of it. "Shit," I muttered to myself as I kicked off my shoes, dropped my bag on the floor, and headed for the bedroom with the goal of scolding Noah. The door was not locked on the little hole we called the bedroom, which was completely filled with my bed and the mattress that Noah had been sleeping on for months. When I entered, he was sitting on the bed, knees pulled up to his chin, and he was holding a weed cigarette between his long, thin fingers. As if he had completely forgotten about it, the ash fell onto my blanket and I was amazed that it hadn't caught fire yet. Noah didn't even notice I got home because he was listening to music on his earphones, and I was sure he was just physically in the room by the way he looked. I leaned towards him, took the cigarette from his fingers and crushed it in the ashtray. With that, I finally drew attention to myself, because after he looked up at me tensely, with red eyes. The Asian features of his face came to life, which normally I would have stared in fascination, but this was not a normal case. I forgot I wanted to yell at him for wasting the weed and almost setting our apartment on fire. Because by then we both owned that little flat. In the corner, next to my guitar, there was also his. Noah's things appeared in the bathroom, his shampoo, his toothbrush, he got half of my wardrobe and sometimes half of my bed… His clothes were just as messily scattered as mine, and he already had his favorite mug, from which he preferred to sip his coffee in the morning. I wanted to think that his eyes were red from smoking weed, but when he spoke, I had no doubt that he must have been crying for hours.

"I thought you'd come home earlier today," he said in a nasal tone after stopping the music and taking out his earphones. In the meantime, I opened the window without holding him responsible for why he did not do so. “I thought so too,” I answered him, then I fell down on the bed next to him. ”Another guest came at seven, and thought I would do miracles in two hours with an old, messed-up tattoo.” Noah nodded, then slowly stretched out his infinite legs. He was only sixteen then, but already a little taller than me. We sat speechless for a while and looked at each other. I was even more overcome by fatigue, and for a moment my eyes were probably closed too long while blinking, because I was jolted when Noah moved next to me. He took a deep breath, then let it out shakily. Our tattooed arms touched and I could feel the tremors running through his bones as he reached for his phone. Oh my god, he was so skinny. If I touched his arms, I was afraid I would crush him as if his limbs were made of thin glass fibers. “I got a message,” he whispered into the dimness, then put the phone on my thigh. I picked it up with a scared heart and started reading. I had a guess of what it might be, and honestly… I just didn't understand why it didn't come sooner. At first, Noah's mother tried to lure her son back to her side with sweet, but poisoned words, which in the end turned into mere threats. Every fucking word she wrote made me feel nauseous. “After half a year, she remembered that she had an underage son. Maybe she expects some kind of reward for it?” I asked, but mostly I meant it as a poetic question.

Noah tensed up next to me and started breathing faster. “I… I can't go back there. If… if you say I have to go back to her, I… rather… I…” "Hey Noah, I would never say that," I turned to him and tried to speak in the most soothing voice possible. But I was too late… By that time, tears were already falling, and he was clutching the crumpled bottom of his two-size-larger shirt. I was totally in shock because I had never seen anything like this before. What kind of friend is who doesn't recognize that the problem is so big? Noah was an old soul with a lot of shit and loss behind him, who blended in perfectly with the adults, so I tended to forget that he was still just a kid. But now there was a child next to me who was terrified. Whom fear brought out the worst. "I shouldn't be here," he said between sobs, to which I shook my head so fast that my hair hit my cheek. I knelt on the bed, turned to face him and tried to remove his fingers from his clothes. I just wanted to hold his hand… I just wanted him to know I was with him. “Noah…No! Don't tell me this!” I protested loudly, but he didn't listen to me. It's like he didn't even hear what I said. Instead, he drove himself deeper and deeper into madness. “I should have died a long time ago…years ago.” If he had only stabbed a dagger into my stomach with his words, this was the moment he twisted it. My chest felt tight and I couldn't breathe. Noah snapped his head back hard and his skull hit the wall loudly. After that, I couldn't focus on my own panic anymore, without thinking I put my hand on his head to protect him from himself. I didn't care that I might not be able to tattoo. My fingers ached as they met the hard wall, but I didn't really notice the pain. All I cared about was Noah and how I could keep him safe. I've been trying to figure out how to fix this. His cries and animalistic whining still ring in my ears, mixed with the sound of my heart's frantic beating. I wrapped my arms around his head and pulled him close as he just cried and cried, his tears completely soaking my shirt. He was hugging my thighs as I knelt next to him, finally not wanting to hurt himself anymore.

That night, I only left his side when I brought him water from the kitchen. Then we both got into bed and Noah turned to face me, but half of his red face from crying was hidden in the pillow and the other half was covered by his hair. I quickly got rid of my tight jeans, threw them on the side of the bed and took his phone in my hand. He was watching what I was doing, but he didn't speak. First, without any guilt, I deleted his mother's message, then opened his music. It didn't surprise me that he was listening to Castle Of Glass by Linkin Park when I got home. I flipped through the playlist and started our favorite song As Cities Burn after giving him one of the earbuds. "Won't you come down, heaven. Won't you come down? Won't you cut through the clouds? Won't you come down?”** At the first chorus, he already closed his eyes, and only then did I allow myself to relax a little. I carefully reached towards him, smoothed the strands falling from his face behind his ears, and then I closed my eyes too. I begged myself to fall into a dreamless sleep. In the morning, when we woke up, Noah helped me untangle the earbuds’ cord from my hair. We parted laughing, shoving a piece of toast into our mouths. He went to a band rehearsal, and I went to a place that has become my second home, the tattoo salon. My fingers got away with it quite well, with a small bruise on one of the joints, which only started to hurt a little towards the end of the day. We didn't discuss anything else about that night. Maybe I regret it since then, but what can I say? I was just a scared kid too, too stupid to help his friend more. Noah's mother died less than two months later. I didn't feel for a minute that she was a loss to the world.

He has become a grown man since and he doesn't need me to protect him from the world. I watched motionless as he walked down the street to get into a taxi. His tall, thin figure disappeared around the corner and I could finally get my legs moving. I got on the bus, grabbed a new bottle of beer from the fridge and joined the others. Folio showed Matt some funny videos and Jolly typed a message on his phone. I sat next to him on the couch and started reading the news. "He won't be able to do this for long," said Jolly next to me in a strong Swedish accent. When it was late and he was tired, he didn't pay so much attention to speaking English with perfect pronunciation. But there's nothing wrong with that, we've been working together for so long, and we've been friends for so long that we understand each other with half a word. “What do you mean?” I turned to him. I slipped out of my boots, slid off the couch, and put my feet up on the small table. I rested my head on the backrest and wiped the steam from the side of the glass with my thumb. “For Noah's secret night meetings. Matt had told him before when saw that he wanted to go out on the town all by himself.” “It doesn't happen that often. And it's not a secret where he's going, he told me he was meeting Karin,” I took him to my defense immediately. “Anyway, why can't he go? The fans had left for an hour, no one was out there. And it's not that he hit the town on foot. He called a taxi.” “That girl is strange,” Jolly grimaced. You do not say.. “When she came to our place, Noah wasn't quite himself.” Recently, I felt guilty for not trying to stop him more firmly, but I reminded myself: Noah pointed out rather angrily during an argument about this that I can't protect him from everything. "If a little fuck puts him in a better mood, we're all fine with that," Folio interjected when Matt left us alone. Maybe I gave him a nasty look from behind my beer bottle, because he held his hands up defensively. I took another sip, then realized I didn't even want the beer. I put the bottle on the table, brushed my teeth in our small bathroom, and went to sleep. At least I wanted to sleep, but I must have been tossing and turning for another hour.

It felt like I had barely closed my eyes when something started to tingle my nose. I brushed it off at first, but then Noah's soft chuckle crept into my consciousness. I groaned then pulled the pillow over my head planning to go back to sleep. I kicked the blanket off because I was hot, and it turned out, it was a big mistake. Ice cold fingers touched my side, the muscles in my stomach jumped and I let out a muffled moan. “Fuck me!” I grumbled hoarsely as I caught Noah's hand, who was just putting the other one in front of my mouth. "Shh, the others are still sleeping," he whispered excitedly with sparkling eyes. “I want to sleep too,” I answered after pulling his hand away from my mouth. “Come on, Nick. I'm hungry. I want breakfast.” “Why can’t you eat?” “Missing your company.” I sighed. “Go to the kitchen. Give me five minutes and I'll be there.” "If I leave you here, you'll go back to sleep," he said accusingly, as if he had every right not to let me go back to sleep. “And I would go a little further for breakfast than the bus kitchen. But I promise, it's worth it. You will love the place.” Another sigh, but I sat up with half-closed eyes, then pulled on a pair of pants and a thick hoodie. My jacket was still on him and he didn't seem like he wanted to give it back.

After five minutes, Noah got off the bus energetically, and I, wrapped in my hoodie, got off the bus grumpily. It was just dawn, around half past six. Noah finally slowed his steps and stopped in front of me, facing me. My hair would have been a complete disaster, not to mention the pillow creases on my face, or my eyes, which I could barely keep open. "You're sweet when you are sleepy," he said finally. He looked at me with a smile, then pulled the hood over my head and did the same with his own. ”I don't want to be recognized.” “Come on! Who would be awake this early?” I asked sarcastically, yawning into my palm. We walked down the street and luckily he was right, we really didn't have to walk far before we got to the breakfast place. Too tired to read the sign, I just entered the small but friendly coffee shop and sighed as I was greeted by a pleasant warmth inside. I said hello to the gray lady behind the counter. When I saw the first cat, licking its paws on a chair, I turned to Noah questioningly, who just shrugged. "I thought you missed your little monsters," he said. A big smile spread across my face. A cat café. I was already less sleepy when I crouched next to the kitten and let him sniff my hand. Then I noticed even more hairballs and I didn't even know which one to go to. Meanwhile, Noah ordered us coffee and breakfast at the counter. I heard the old lady laughingly answer him when asked why they were open so early: “If the kittens wake up, why can't I open the cafe?”

I smiled as I scratched the head of a calico sitting next to the wall, and we blinked at each other for a long time. After ordering, Noah came over and sat next to me. "The chick likes you," he remarked when the kitten was placed on my lap. “What kind of chick? She is a lady here,” I caressed the hairy ears. Laughing softly, Noah leaned forward and, using the kitten etiquette he'd learned from me, introduced himself to our newest friend before petting her. Now that the hood was off his head, I noticed the bite marks on his neck. The dark red spot was located right on the border between his tattoo and his bare skin so that it was just noticeable. I swallowed, tore my gaze from his neck, and reassured myself that Noah didn't seem as lost now as he did after most of his meetings with Karin. Maybe she has changed. Maybe she finally realized what she had to lose? Noah's fingers accidentally touched mine in the kitten's soft fur, and we smiled at each other as the furball began to purr loudly. I haven't seen Noah this happy since before Keaton's death. Maybe Karin isn't so bad after all? We ate breakfast sitting on the floor with a cat each in our laps and had to run back to the bus before departure.

*Too Close To Touch - Eiley **As Cities Burn - Contact

#bad omens fic #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian #nick ruffilo #nicholas ruffilo #jolly karlsson #nick folio #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian fic #bad omens band #bad omens smut

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itsjaywalkers · 6 months

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if you have any jegulus thoughts to share I'll give you £10 for them <3

babe you never have to pay me to talk about jegulus <3 if anything, you have to pay me to shut up about them bc they're always on my mind and i'm obsessed with them

anyways i don't know if any of this is gonna sound coherent bc it's 2am and i'm about to go to sleep (another 8 hours tomorrow at work. yay.) but i've been thinking of . canon compliant lately (bc i do wanna write some jegulus set on the canon universe) and how a lot of people tend to think that james would never fall for someone like regulus, especially bc of the sirius situation, or that even if he did, he'd never forgive him for . the dark mark or becoming a death eater

but i see james as the kind of character who's inherently attracted to darkness, not exactly to what he considers is Bad but to what's Wrong or Broken, as in, it can still be fixed. i think this is why he was so drawn to sirius, he's very morally grey regardless of his hatred for his family's values (which wasn't even a thing at the beginning imo, i'm sure james and the others had to correct sirius a lot and they were the ones who actually helped him realise how bigoted his relatives were). james has always had the perfect parents the perfect home the perfect childhood. ofc he couldn't help but be fascinated by the other side

i think that his interest in regulus was born out of this morbid desire of wanting to get close to what he viewed as Wrong. besides, he was sirius' little brother, and i'm sure that, if nothing else, sirius spoke well of him during his first year. there had to be some curiosity there

i also think that his hero complex played a part in it. james believed he could help, believed he could fix sirius' relationship with his brother for him, believed he could make regulus Good again

once the feelings shifted, though, i feel like it was . everything james thought love was but also . the complete opposite . it was beautiful, and genuine, and sincere, but it was also greedy, and painful, and ugly. james brought out the best in regulus while simultaneously breaking him from the inside, giving him what he had pretended he didn't want but reminding him at the same time that he could never have it, not really. it had an expiry date. james was never really his. and regulus brought out the worst in james, all that parts of him he had tried his best to bury, every trait he had thought he had left behind after growing up a little and maturing some. james is someone who sees everything very black or white, always moving on extremes, but being with regulus would teach him about all these shades of grey. and it'd scare him. it'd make him doubt if he's actually a good person

they're both doomed by the narrative, but for opposite reasons. james is so loved he has to die, and regulus is never loved enough, never cared for enough, so he also has to die

it's just as dangerous for the universe to care too much about you as it is for it to not care about you at all

#sorry i ended up rambling so much..#as u can see i feel very normal about them #god this probably doesn't even make any sense #going to bed now i swear #asks #anons #jegulus my beloveds

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running-with-the-feels · 9 months

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You mentioned that Kuai's father was killed by a Shirai Ryu. What if that same Shirai Ryu learned that he had a family and realized 'oh shit, me killing the dad will lead the Link Kuei to this family!' So they get the family to the safety of the Shirai Ryu before the Lin Kuei could find them. Mama & Big Sis lives, Kuai & Bi Han grow up in a positive environment, and Kuai & Hanzo & Harumi all grow up as childhood friends before forming their poly circle.

ooooooo now see that is a good idea, do you mind if I add that to my list of fic prompts?

Honestly, I hc that Jiahao (the dad) was killed by a Shirai Ryu bc I think it adds to the whole 'cycle of vengeance' thing they had going with Scorpion and the Sub-Zero brothers.

Like, Bi-Han's reaction to being accused of a crime he knows he did not commit was odd to me, he didn't try and defend himself at first, not until he saw the vision Quan Chi showed Hanzo. He basically told Hanzo to go fuck himself which seems personal and like we know that the Lin Kuei have a centuries old fued with the Shirai Ryu but the Sub-Zero we see in MK9 wouldn't be inclined to give a shit about that. He just wants to finish his missions and go home to his brother, nothing else really matters.

So I thought that it would make more sense if he knew that his father had been killed by the Shirai Ryu, of course he wouldn't care that the Shirai Ryu had been wiped out. Bi-Han isn't exactly a nice dude (that doesn't mean he's evil NRS come on now) so he would just be glad that the guy who killed his dad was dead, who cares how many other people died with him.

But if the Shirai Ryu took the family back with him to protect them, that leads to some interesting possibilities.

Mama Ru learning to fight like a Shirai Ryu so that she could defend her kids.

Lian, Bi-Han, and Kuai Liang becoming a lethal trio as they grow up and join the clan properly.

The kids probably got bullied too for being Lin Kuei by heritage, so seeing them defend themselves against that would be rly cool.

We know that Hano joined the clan against his father's wishes, so he probably joined as a teenager, but Harumi I hc was part of the clan from birth. It would be really cool to see Hanzo join up and have a bisexual panic bc Kuai Liang and Harumi (the best friend duo that everyone has money on becoming a couple some day) are both really hot and really nice to him (they are having a silent competition over his attention) and he doesn't know what to do with it.

That could be a really cool concept, just, all around.

#kuai liang #hanzo hasashi #subscorp #harumi hasashi #subscorprumi #mortal kombat #mortal kombat x #mortal kombat 11

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biscuitboxer · 1 year

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Rejoice

Naruto redesigns be upon ye

The main point of divergence from the canon timeline is Naruto meets Kurama a few years early (and also Zabuza and Haku live bc i love them <33). This happens because he decided to go foraging for more food and ate a poisonous plant (think deadly nightshade), causing his Kurama's chakra to kick in and heal the effects of the poison and send Naruto to the sealscape. Kurama decides to be nice(r) to Naruto because he's not dumb enough to blame a literal child for something that happened to him as an infant, though he's not exactly friendly until Naruto thinks to ask Kurama's name about a year down the line, on Naruto's 10th birthday.

I've been super into my Naruto au recently. The current name for the AU is Punk Tactics because Naruto's (and eventually all of his friends) a full-on punk who actually wants to change things for the better rather than slather the status quo in orange paint.

—

Because Naruto's got a millenium old genius monster giving him life advice and bullying him into self-sufficiency for a best friend, he's not really the dead last in class, but he's absolutely awful at tests so he still has the worst academic grades.

—

A lot of Naruto redesigns take away the orange completely for stealth, but I decided to keep it because orange is such an integral part of his character (bright orange is happy, warm, demands attention, and is very distracting, all stuff Naruto needs in his day-to-day life), and also the kid who stole the scroll of seals and almost got away with it doesn't need advice on being stealthy lol. He also wears dark coloured clothing under the highlighter jumpsuits in case he *does* need to be ultra stealthy, as well as for extra protection.

For younger Naruto, I used bright but more pastel-y colours because he's more innocent and hasn't really become Naruto yet, but after meeting Kurama and growing up a bit he's embraced the obnoxious side of himself and has begun wearing it like armour against the world. He's also a thief in this au, and his pranks are both a way to get revenge on the village for mistreating him and taking attention away from the real mischief he get into (this also provides the experience he needs to eventually steal the scroll of seals). As he grows older, he wears both brighter and darker colours to signify embracing himself more as well his growing maturity, while also being an homage to his jinchuriki transformations.

Also, he makes the highlighter jumpsuits directly after the Wave Mission, where his eyes were opened to injustice that didn't affect him personally, and he goes from wanting to be Hokage so people aren't mean to him to wanting to be Hokage to change the world for the better for everyone, so the black also represents how much more seriously he takes things now and the orange represents his bright hopes for the future. The black is also, one some level, a way to mourn his loss of innocence after everything he's gone through and the childhood he never really got to have. (Can you tell I love nuance, layers and symbolism in stories)

—

For the jinchuriki transformations I went hard into the eldritch cryptid type aesthetic while adding some symbolism. Hinata thinks of Naruto as the sun and herself as a sunflower always facing towards him and trying to emulate him (her name is written in hiragana but kanji readings of Hinata generally translate to something sun related), and Naruto's base appearance while using mass amounts of bijuu chakra looks like various cosmic events related to stars like an eclipse or a black hole. The eyes are inspired directly from Naruto's canon four tails transformation and Alternates from The Mandela Catelogue. It's also kind of representing Naruto's status as the black sheep of Konoha as he's entirely black aside from the eyes, and the oxymoronic nature of his existence - a glowing shadow, a genius village idiot, Konoha's greatest asset and pariah, a little kid with more life experience than most adults. Also it looks cool

The Highlighter Jumpsuits he wears after Wave are handmade and specially designed to take on Kurama's chakra without degrading like normal clothes would - this allows his clothes to become part of the shadowy body when he transforms.

I decided to make Naruto use a bo staff as one of his main weapons for a few reasons: sticks are the easiest weapon to find for a guy who spends most of his time in a forest, the idea of professionally bonking people with a stick is funny, and I love the stick and rope metaphor from Death Stranding. He can also just tie a kunai to it if he needs a spear

As for why Naruto doesnt have a utility belt or any kunai pouches: he adds a bunch of extra pockets and straps to hold things to any clothing he can and uses storage seals to hold everything. Some pockets are just hidden storage seals to hold things that would be awkward to fit into a pocket.

#Naruto #Uzumaki Naruto #Naruto redesigns #Naruto AU #naruto uzumaki

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spiritumantophila · 1 month

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tell me about netuno!!! 4, 6, 11, 22, 29 !!!!

HI THANK YEW FOR ASKING... <3 (and sorry this took me a bit to get to, been busy these past days!) Netuno is a shared OC with @graveys-art-blog so I talked all these questions out w him for these answers!! and have some doodles too bc i love netuno to bits. the daughter ever.

What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss?

Being raised with a loving and healthy support system in Quiro's castle, Netuno never really had to sacrifice any of her hobbies. If there was something she wanted to try out, her family and loved ones were quick to give her the tools to explore it. That said though, she does still miss certain activities from her childhood out of nostalgia. When she and Ursa (her older brother figure and another shared OC between Grave and I) were younger, they'd have tea parties and create fantastical worlds and stories the way children do. As they grew up that bonding activity between them didn't exactly fizzle out persay, but rather evolved into them helping out the castle theater troupe (Ursa as an actor, and Netuno as a stagehand)! They still love to share in the act of storytelling with each other, though it's just a little different now!

What’s their favorite [insert anything] that they’ve never recommended to anyone before?

Netuno is an avid reader of sapphic romance books, especially those others would consider "trashy". But they're self-indulgent and her favorite so leave her alone!! She'd particularly enjoy those with dark fantasy elements to it. She loves her bitches bad and her yuri doomed and paranormal.

If someone was impersonating them, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference?

I'll also put separate answers for them below, but Vitor (Grave's OC), Ursa (another shared OC of ours), and Eri (this one's just mine LMAO) all have a strong "magic sense", which means they're able to easily pick up on the presence of magic in the environment. Tying in with her creepy girl swag, Netuno has a very specific "magic fingerprint" or vibe persay that the three of them can detect and recognize as her. Vitor would rely on this especially since it played a big role in him adopting her :) So everything else below is just what other methods the three would individually use to tell Netuno apart from an impersonator!

According to Grave, Vitor would ask Netuno to cast magic or use some of her "wishmaking" sorcery to help him deal with the drawbacks of his own. Vitor tends to suffer from bouts of headaches and temporary short-term memory loss (and other similar mental pains) when he overdoes it with his own magic, and the real Netuno would know how to help him ease or alleviate the pain. And I don't think there's anyone who could 'copy' someone's sorcery like that so it'd be a dead giveaway!

Since Ursa has been Netuno's best friend since forever AND been with her since she was a wee baby, he knows her like the back of his hand. He's always been sensitive to even the smallest changes in her behavior because he's always looked out for and protected her, so he'd easily be able to tell her apart from someone impersonating her just from the way she'd walk or get his attention. He's a smart guy as silly as he is!

One thing Eri and Netuno bond over is their shared love for bugs and insects and NO one else matches their freak like they do. Eri could throw out some questions about a crawlie that'd stump anyone else, but that Netuno could answer without batting her big blue eyes. The two of them are very alike in a lot of ways, so Eri could tell if something was off.

What simple activity that most people do / can do scares your character?

Public speaking. As cold and composed as she looks she's truly still just a shy lil bug. She has a soft and calm voice and has very mild expressions so she'd struggle to talk to a large group of people.

How do they respond when someone doesn’t believe them?

Netuno's a bit used to people not believing her outright. Those who watched her grow up know she had a reputation of being a ominous weird little girl that said strange things and understood the world differently from others. Because of that, some people would chalk up the things she said as just the weird thoughts kids liked to blurt out, which frustrated her because why don't you get her!! It all makes sense to her!!!! As an adult though, she's learned her way of speaking concisely with the fewest words necessary to get her point across can be confusing. If someone expressed disbelief or skepticism in something she said, she'd pause and stare at the person for a moment (which can come off as judgemental but she just. has big beautiful eyes <3) before retracing her steps to reexplain the point they doubted.

#ask game #netuno #ocs

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practically-an-x-man · 2 months

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For the childhood asks: 2, 3, and 18 for Nikoletta please!

Thank you!

OC Asks: Childhood Edition

2. Where did your muse grow up? What was their home like? Did they like where they grew up?

She grew up in New Orleans, and spent most of her childhood hovering right around the poverty line. Her father tried to keep their home as stable as he could - food on the table, keeping her in school, etc. - but there were still some rough patches from time to time. Nikoletta didn't exactly like it (it's tough being the only kid in school without new clothes, always having to borrow lunch from friends bc her dad couldn't afford groceries this week, all of that), but she knew her dad was doing his best and tried to be grateful for that. She loved her dad, and it was just the two of them, so she tried to help him in whatever ways she could.

3. What did your muse's family look like? Parents, grandparents? Big or small? Who was around the house when your muse was a kid?

Kinda alluded to this in the last answer, but she was raised by a single father and had no siblings. Her mother left the picture when Nikoletta was still an infant, shortly after she'd been weaned onto solid foods. She never gave a reason for disappearing, but it was likely a combination of 1. financial fear related to the increased resources, now that baby Nikki was eating more and 2. the "novelty" of a cute new baby wearing off, and getting spooked about the years of responsibility and hardship that were ahead of her. The reasons don't really matter: her mother left the picture, and her dad did the best he could.

Her dad did date here and there, and Nikoletta remembers a few of his girlfriends at various points in her childhood. They were by and large good people (though a couple of them were oddly pushy about being her "new mom", which was weird), but her dad never ended up tying the knot with any of them. He did also have a group of close friends that often hung around the house, for dinners and football games and whatever else.

18. What's one thing that instantly transports your muse back to their childhood? Why?

Pasta with red sauce. It's cheap and easy, and there were periods of her childhood where that was all she ate for a week straight because it was all her dad could afford. As an adult, she can't quite place how she feels about it, but it definitely reminds her of her childhood.

#my friends!!!#answered asks #ask game #my ocs #nikoletta bordeaux

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georgieluz · 10 months

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Hello I would LOVE to hear anything abt your BoB OCs if you're happy sharing them!

hello!! yes i'm more than happy to share them!! also sorry that i'm replying to this so late! i got sick like a day after i got this ask but i'm finally back and can talk about them a bit! i decided to attach some pre-war moodboards i made a while back of them as well, so i'll put everything under a read more in case it's too long

first up, we have: oliver hardwick

wealthy new yorker with your classic parental issues. likes to think of himself as fearlessly rebellious, especially regarding his sexuality and refusal to conform to the expectations of someone of his "class". however, his parents have connections spread wide across the city, which they use to dampen, and cover up, any of his attempts to shame their family. naturally, this frustrates him even more and he spends every second of his time trying to disappoint them. but they never let the mask slip, never let him win. it's cruel really. he knows they hate what he is, and they make sure he knows, but they never let on in public. they never make it obvious. they never let him win. he's been stuck in a perpetual loop of failure, both his intentional attempts and his inability to make his parents care, his entire life and it's made him resentful of control and irrationally short-tempered when anyone attempts to perceive him or claim to know him.

before the war, he was studying literature and latin at university, and most likely to be found in a nearby bar or the bed of an older man. when the war comes around, he doesn't want to give his parents the satisfaction of becoming an officer, knowing they would consider any rank or military achievement he gained a win in their war of conformity and respectability, and that they would continuously use it to shape the perception of who he is. so, instead, he chooses to enlist as a regular soldier. his parents have other ideas in mind though, and through their military connections, they ensure that he's placed in officer school, with no choice or input in the matter.

eventually he finds himself chosen as an intelligence officer, working under lewis nixon in easy company. having every decision about his position chosen for, and dictated to, him leaves oliver with a bitterness and anger about being controlled, leading to a huge disdain toward taking orders. emotionally unstable, provocative, and with absolutely no consideration for his own safety or life, nixon may have met his match for messiest officer in the company.

(he's basically my hot mess of an oc who i'm gonna hurt so bad)

next up, we have: tommy monet

also a new yorker! (EDIT: he's now from boston, sorry) from the other side of the tracks entirely. this boy is all hardshell exterior and repression and no one can hurt me if they can't get near me so i will build this wall so strong not a single person can break through. his childhood was complicated to say the least (if you'd like to hear more about that then i can talk more about that later since it's a bit long for an introduction post) and he blames himself for the state his family is in now. he has a little sister who he would kill for, she's the only person he trusts, but he also feels he has failed in his mission to protect her. he is remarkably good at making friends with the neighbourhood cats, which their owners despise, but his favourite is his own, his best friend, named badger.

he fell in love with books and poetry as a teenager, but refuses to admit it to anyone. not because he wants to act cool, but because he's scared that if he pursues that interest, or anything academic, he would fail. he refuses to look his insecurities in the eye and pushes them down, along with the trauma of his past, until they're nice and buried down deep. he didn't exactly fall in with the wrong crowd after high school, bc he was already there growing up as one of them. he and his friends are generally seen as troublemakers and nuisances, but outside of getting into fights and breaking into a few factories and warehouses, they don't actually do much wrong.

he ends up in easy company, and when he meets liebgott during training, they get along well enough, but when things start to get stressful, they start to rub each other up the wrong way. they're both scrappy and aren't afraid of a fight, and they both have anger inside of them. tommy's anger is toward himself, but he tells himself it's anger towards his father. even though they find themselves in each other's face sometimes, they recognise that anger in each other. it bonds them together like glue and they understand something unspeakable about the other. tommy's never had anyone who truly sees him before, someone who makes him feel like a real person, not just a passing breeze, because sometimes, he doesn't really believe he's anything more than an empty shell of a body. and slowly, just maybe, they start to open up to each other more.

(tommy is my repressed broken boy who i'm GONNA FIX I SWEAR I'M GONNA FIX HIM GUYS HONEST)

if you wanna know anything more about them feel free to ask, i'd love to talk about them more! maybe i'll do one of those oc ask games or something! i also have a few platonic band of brothers ocs (male, female and nonbinary) from my formula one au who i absolutely adore!! so if you'd like me to introduce them as well then i'd love to bc honestly they're like my besties at this point

#if i break one boy i fix another #my debt is paid #i am net zero on broken boys #julian's inbox #julian writes #tbh the moodboards i made on my desktop computer are so much nicer than these ones but i cbf to switch from my laptop #oc: oliver hardwick #oc: tommy monet

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fangaminghell · 5 months

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TW: Child Abuse, death.

So.

Sasha's backstory isn't fuuuuully detailed. Not yet. But I have the basics down where it's easy to understand. Sasha grew up in the 7th street. I imagine that his family possibly fell to ruin and was chased down there. His mom isn't in the picture ( unsure of if she's dead or she ditched them), so it was just him and his dad. His dad was the warmest kindest man Sasha ever knew. All he wanted was for Sasha to grow up happy. Even on the streets of 7th Street, he wanted his son to be happy. But their circumstances didn't fully allow that, but he still tried his best. Sasha, being more aware of their situation, ended up stealing to get by, and had to learn how to defend himself. His dad didn't exactly approve, not wanting Sasha to let go of his childhood so soon. But again, their circumstances call for these things, so he couldn't exactly stop Sasha.

One day, Sasha tried to steal from Solaris, but got caught. He got beaten up for it, and if it weren't for the fact that 1) Solaris was actually impressed by the fact that Sasha was still conscious,let alone brave enough to try and steal from him and 2) Sasha's dad coming in and begging to let his son go. The end result was with Sasha still being taken by Meteor bc he "showed promise", but his dad was left behind....unharmed. That was the deal. Sasha would work for meteor, and in return, they would not touch his father. Sasha could also see his father if he excels in his training. So now, more than ever, Sasha could not afford to make mistakes. He had to be perfect.

To say the training was brutal would be an understatement. Solaris and Sirius have pushed Sasha to his limits again and again and again. Sirius, in a way, was always more cruel. Sasha has experienced so much pain in those times. They molded him into the perfect guard dog. Speaking of which! Alongside being The Backup for team meteor, the one they call when things really go to shit, he is mainly the guard for Taka! You would think that Sasha would hate him but no. He considers him as his little brother, and is honestly the main reason he's still standing. Both Taka and Luna: he loves them both so much, and despite his pain, or wanting Taka to leave meteor, he will stay by Taka's side no matter what. The loyal guard dog.

Obviously things go to shit. El was always nicer to Sasha, allowing Sasha to visit his dad even when he was supposed to be guarding Taka. Something that Sasha happily obliged to. One day, El once again let Sasha leave to visit his father. Which Sasha did. Only to find his father killed by some thugs bc of a deal he had made. The thugs were still there, messing with his body. Sasha saw red.

El was the one that found him. Covered in blood with a distant gaze that he has never seen on the child. Sirius wanted to punish him, but Solaris stopped him. Solaris, in his own twisted way, wanted to use experience as a means to "bond" with Sasha. They both lost their fathers to lesser man, after all. But Sasha only listened a tiny bit. He hated that man, after all.

This was when things get blurry for me, but over time, Sasha gradually "recovers". He becomes more and more like the Sasha you all know and love. He is also considered the deadliest meteor member buuuuut that's neither here nor there.

Aaaand yeah! That's Sasha :)

#stiiilllll need an emoji for sasha

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princess-of-the-corner · 1 year

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Y'know, if Adrichat's way of dealing with Chloe being rightfully upset bc she thinks her bracelet was stolen was by not owning up to the fact that this whole thing was his fault and pretty much letting everyone (including Chloe!) be kinda gaslit into thinking she just didn't notice it was still in her bag, it makes me wonder often stuff like that happened growing up.

Like, this isn't me saying he should have revealed his identity to explain exactly what happened, but he still could have said that he found it under 'Adriens' desk or something, to explain what happened to it (like what multiple actually really good writers like you have done in fics), but it does make me wonder if this has happened before.

But hey, it's not like Adrien should have actual growth and character development, he's 'Perfect'! So of course it's fine he let his childhood best friend be thrown under the buss for something that's kinda his fault! He doesn't need an arc or a story or proper fucking writing!

((That's salt at the writers, not at Adrien. I always feel like I have to point out all my anger around Adrien in the show is bc he's a character with a butt-ton of potential that's wasted bc the writers decided he's 'Perfect', and how that is a huge factor in the shows monumental implosion))

Yeah it's.

The whole episode is a hot mess and that's why I usually either rewrite it or address it later.

Honestly I was just kinda thinking about a few bits of HC where like. If I had known how off the rails I'd end up going later, I wouldn't have been as much 'stick to Canon but a little to the left' in the beginning and I would've just rewritten it.

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purpleandmurder · 10 months

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having brainrot thoughts about how to fit the fnaf movie events into my inheritance au

Vanessa is William's daughter he had outside his marriage (whether it was just before his marriage or it was an affair isn't terribly important to the narrative). Also to tie things together later, she grew up in Nebraska

This makes her and Michael (as well as Elizabeth and Evan) half-siblings though neither party finds out until after William passes. William purposely kept them away from each other.

William visited Vanessa during her childhood but it tapered off as she grew older. She also recalls he'd bring her stuff like toys or other little gifts (hint, hint, he didn't get any of these from a store)

The events of the movie are altered; largely the events of the climax dont happen and William isnt involved in the slightest

Mike is here too! He gets the job for the same reason from a different career counselor and the first three nights play out the same.

Vanessa has moved closer to Hurricane and since its in her jurisdiction, decides to go see the place for herself, see what was so great about it. Here she meets Mike, who she plays it off as she has legit reason to be there and he doesn't really care too much to question it.

He tells her about the animatronics and after the fort scene, they are able to more or less piece together the story with what they both know and what Abby has learned from the spirits. However, neither are able to guess who exactly the Yellow Rabbit is, with Vanessa erroneously assuming some employee used the suit without her father knowing (bc what child is going to assume their kind albeit absent parent is a murderer?)

(This also gives a connection between her and Michael, with both feeling like they should have known better)

Mike holds the job for the better part of a year with Vanessa visiting often and Abby coming with as much as she can. Because of this, the spirits begin to trust Mike and Vanessa to varying degrees. Vanessa also eventually moves in with Mike, helping take care of Abby and them generally being best friends (in my head, its more of a queerplatonic thing though realistically neither would use that word to describe it)

Fazbear Entertainment ruins everything, closing off the building, firing Mike and putting the animatronics into a significantly cheaper storage. Everyone is upset but without any idea of where they went, their hands are tied.

Vanessa gets a letter from her father after he passes, bidding her to go meet her half-brother Michael. From here, she learns the truth about William and more or less, forces him to let her help (her primary motivation is helping the spirits of the original MCI)

(i'd also love to have Mike and Abby involved but any scene with Mike and Michael would be. confusing.)

(Also having Vanessa grow up in Nebraska very neatly gives William reason to have killed Garrett. It was probably a kill outta opportunity though if something actually happened to Garrett's spirit, I haven't decided yet….I do have Funtime Freddy+Foxy without identites at the moment but neither are thematically satisfying. Maybe the Security Puppet as some sorta prototype William got a hold of?)

#inheritance

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the-anonymous-vent-blog · 1 year

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I've just moved out for college, and this is the most I've been away from home. I still live in the same town I always have, but it's still really hard- on top of dealing w growing up, which scares me since my childhood is very hazy and seems to have flown by. To top it off, my dad is having to pay for the college, which I feel bad for bc I didn't visit him as much as I should have over the summer, and bc it wojld be cheaper if I had chosen to live at home. Idk if I should contact someone and ask if it's too late to go back and move out, or if we'd have to pay regardless, or what. I really regret moving out, and have no idea if this is something I'll get used to or if it'll be this constant depressed lonely feeling the whole year. Honestly, if i could move out + not have my dad pay that extra, I would.but I also don't want my roommate to think i dont like her or smth?? Idk if we're allowed to ask for advice, much less what sort of advice could even be given, but if anyone has any advice that would be great

Wether or not you've decided on staying or returning, the first thing you should do is definitely check if you can move back and if you still have to pay for the dorm. Staying may be the best option if you still end up paying that money. I'm unsure who exactly to ask, but a teacher or other staff member may be able to direct you to the people you need to get the information from.

Secondly, warn your roomate you may end up moving out. Yes, it'll be awkward if you end up staying, but you'll be able to reassure them and warn them about the change in living arrangements.

If you're allowed to stay at home instead, they might have some sort of cut-off day for people to back out (and not pay) If so, I'd take the days leading up to that to talking about this with your father, or just furthur debate with yourself about the pros and cons. The guilt will absolutely contribute to that lonely feeling, so try to push that aside or imagine how'd you feel about living alone with it. If you stay, subtly try to get assurance from your father that doing so is the best decision.

There may be stuff I'm missing, but I hope this is a good stating point for you. <3

#vent blog #advice

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leejiieuns · 2 years

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+⏰ for sofia and luca!

+⏰ for a positive memory

ok i'm gonna write this from luca's pov because ~reasons~ agfdjkg but you'll find out!! i hope... if i manage to put my thoughts into words

The droning of the woman on the television starts to grate on Luca, and if it is already irritating him when he’s the one watching the show, he can only imagine how his sister seated in the dining room feels, hunching over some papers as she tries to solve one math problem after the other.

Fridays for Luca usually means leisure as their mother isn’t around, but it is always a different story for his younger sister. Finn would have been doing the exact same thing as Sofia, too, had he not been away on some international competition, and Luca thinks how lucky his mother is that she could just leave them on a Friday evening and not worry about a secret party, or a night out on the town. If she even worries. But despite initially wanting to watch the show, he looks around for the remote and turns the tv off so he could let his sister study in peace.

But the sudden lack of background noise seems to have disrupted her concentration, and her head snaps up and she looks at her brother with furrowed brows. "Why did you turn it off? Weren't you watching that?" she says in German, preferring still to use their mother tongue despite having lived in France for more than a year now.

He turns to her and shrug, muttering something about how it was boring as he stood from the couch and makes his way to the kitchen. Luca thinks about how Sofia must have been annoyed by the sound too and yet, she is concerned about him turning it off, knowing it is a show he likes to follow now and then. This is why he is always secretly worrying about her. The day she starts to think about herself is the day he’ll stop being worried.

Luca inspects the contents of the fridge, lips pursed as he considers what he wants to eat, and after quick deliberation, reaches for an apple.

"Oppa?"

"Hm?" He makes his way over to the table, and hands her his bitten fruit. "Did you want the apple?"

She shakes her head and grabs two sheets of papers, pulling back one of the chairs near her as if asking him to sit. Luca obliges and begins studying the papers, eyebrows furrowed as he tries to make out the writing on it. His sister might be a genius, sure, but she definitely does not have the best penmanship.

"I have to write this paper on this artwork, and I don't understand it. Could you explain it to me?"

His eyebrow shoot up and he looks at her, incredulous. She’s never asked for help before, or if she has, never from him. Why would she, anyway? She was smart-- smarter than both him and Finn combined, and she doesn’t need them-- especially Luca. And yet, she is looking at him expectantly, holding up the pieces of papers in his general direction.

Luca slowly sits on the seat next to her, gingerly takes the papers from her hand, and says, “You don’t..understand...it? You don’t understand?”

“I do, but it’s just-- I trust your opinion on this more than my own. You’ve always been better at this than me, so can you help me? Please, oppa?”

It isn’t true. There is nothing that Luca could think that he would be better at than Sofia, and yet, there she is, asking him for help on something. And this isn’t like their mother, too, who used to ask him questions she knew he couldn’t answer, for his sister could never be cruel.

And so he looks at the artwork and the accompanying text, and begins to speak his thoughts on the matter. Gingerly, at first, worries he might say something wrong despite knowing the artwork quite well. His second statement ends up sounding like a question and he pauses, unsure, waits for her to correct him or tell him she doesn’t need his help after all, but she doesn’t. In fact, she nods her head, seemingly agreeing, and the look on her face tells him she is very interested in what he has to say.

He slowly gains confidence as he watches her listen to him intently, scribbling down on her notebook every now and then again, and he thinks about how it doesn’t even truly matter to him anymore if their mother sees him, because despite knowing full well that she doesn’t need him, Sofia never fails to make him feel that he is wanted.

#this is short and rushed and crap and i wish i could write this better but akjgdkfg i am impatient #thread: luca #gonna tag it as him as it is in his pov #but for all of luca's cockiness my boy just wants to be wanted #im cry at how the simple things are really important to the im kids #bc they didn't exactly have the best childhood growing up #like man im weak af just thinking about how luca is genuinely so surprised that sofia would ask him for his opinion #and would think he's better than her at smth #and the way he'd just give her his fruit without a second thought #honestly i think that's why he's really protective over sofia bc he knows what she's like to the people she cares about #and he doesn't trust that people outside him and finn won't abuse that #and im cry because i initially thought i'd write about a birthday party or a trip to the amusement park or smth #as their happy memory #but it's literally just them sitting in the kitchen #and a big brother feeling happy about the fact taht his little sister is asking him for help with homework #but im so sorry for the crappy writing

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thebigqueer · 3 years

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Listen I have such a thing for height analysis and biosoc statistics and too much to say. The average height for men immigrating from southern Italy to the USA in the 1920s was 165cm, while for women it was 157cm. Maria was described as a tall woman, so it would put her between 160-165, and whilst Hades himself is described as tall it should be noted that Nico's height would also be impacted by his mortal family. So putting it at mother's height 1.63m, father's height 1.80m n balancing with the average height of 1.65 Nico's overall height expectancy after full growth spurt would be around 171cm. Which is about 5'7. Pretty short for a dude.

BUT we have to take into account his fucked up environment during puberty. Cause this dude was living a rough life between ages 10-13 (going by canon PJO age difference + HoO timeline). So:

Nico's 10 in TTC. He's described as being skinny, and an average 10yo should be abt 35kg, so let's put him at 32. Still healthy, just scrawny. Let's also say that by that time he was on average height for his overall height expectancy at full growth spurt. That'd put him at roughly 138cm, or 4'4 at 10. Again, short, but fine.

So until he's 16, he should've stood to grow abt 33cm. That's a full ruler! Anyways. Malnutrition on physically active boys between 10-15 can stunt up to 67% of growth. However, that would be in pretty extreme cases, and include unsanitary food sources (which Nico doesn't seem to have undergone) and continued starvation (which, again, doesn't happen to Nico apart from Tartarus and the jar.) But it's tricky, bc we don't know exactly how much time Nico spent there. The best approximation is that he left shortly after Percy, Hazel n Frank left for their quest on June 20th, and got out of the jar when they rescued him, at roughly July 1st. That'd be at most 11 days, which isn't enough for it to be counted as continued [>10 weeks] but it IS enough to have lasting effects on his gastrointestinal functions, which we totally see; the boy eats nothing but grapes. So it could be counted as initial malnutrition + physical extenuation and exhaustion, with a period of functional starvation. Okay, so (speculating here) that would've stunt his growth expectancy at about 40-50%, which is also supported by Percy mentioning that he didn't grow much, showing it took a toll from the start. That seems a lot for just 3ish years, but it got him on CRUCIAL years, literally the last 2 of 3rd childhood n the basis of his puberty. Which sucks for the dude.

So. Basically. Nico at 16 considering statistical avarege, family history, n his environment, considering that is that he managed to get himself in a better situation after HoO, should be at least 1.57cm and at most 1.60cm.

So about 5'1 actually. Short dude huh.

Anywho so sorry about the infodump. I really am.

NOOOO dont be sorry omg this was so interesting to read !!! im so glad fandom has people like you around because this means my short nico agenda can actually fly <3 this was truly a very interesting take & honestly im obsessed w how much you know about this stuff. thanks for telling me this because now i can rub it in everyones faces

#anon tag #asks #nico di angelo #nico di angelo meta #riordanverse #rick riordan #to be clear i still dont hate you if you think hes tall i just dont want people telling me im wrong for making him short <3

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rjshepherd · 3 years

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Karl feat. His own trauma. How does he cope what are his triggers etc. BONUS POINTS! A partner who has childhood trauma too :) giv angst

I'm going to try and keep this one sfw but im putting it below a cut bc i'll be talking about trauma, violence , abuse and so on. Read at your own discretion and if y’all want something specific tagged, please just let me know.

God almighty all of the lords are traumatised as all fuck but i think karl has it the worst. He’s lost the most, had the most ripped away from him and had the biggest change in his life over the centuries.

Before his infection, Karl was the most normal out of all of them. He actually talked to the villagers, worked a normal job and had some normal relationships, both romantic and platonic, with other humans. Donna was a shy woman with autistic traits that left people calling her strange. She preferred the company of dolls to humans and the villagers did not understand. She and karl were good friends before all this but now they barely talk. Moreau was basically a hermit but he could at least hold a conversation. He minded his own business usually but he’d never turn Karl away if he called over for a drink. Nowadays all he seems capable of talking about is Miranda and her plans. Then there's Alcina. She's never liked him, despite being her baby brother, ever since the day he was born. But she was at least a morally decent human before all this. She was generous with the family's wealth, made Christmas special for the village's orphans and offered work experience to the ladies of the village. All that changed when Miranda decided to ruin their lives.

I'd argue a lot of his trauma stems from childhood but it's not the only thing that's affected him. I'll talk more about the other things further down the line but let's start with his childhood:

His parents never had much time for him, considering Alcina was the important one. While they weren't exactly abusive, they were very harsh and very neglectful. I can think of a few occasions where he was hit, beaten or spanked for some sort of perceived misbehavior but such things were common at the time and it's not what sticks out in his mind when he thinks back on the roughest parts of his childhood.

His parents' propensity for reminding him that he was expendable compared to Alcina certainly did a number on him. Hardly a day went by where he wasn't told to remember his usefulness to the family, that if he wasn't useful enough he would be disowned and sent away. Sometimes he wondered if this wouldn't be a better idea, since he wouldn't have to live in alcinas shadow anymore. But then he remembered he wouldn't see his grandparents again and quickly fell in line with his family's wishes.

He was sent to bed without dinner a lot for things every child does, things that weren't even misbehavior, just playing as kids do. It's made him a little food aggressive but he is working on it. He has a tendency to overeat or stress eat but again, he's trying his best to keep a handle on this.

His mother started nice then got worse the older she got, maybe as dementia set in . She was fairly old for a mother when he was born so i imagine she died when he was in his teens. She’d often say she only had him to satisfy his fathers side of the family, but that karl was a disappointment to them. Karl tries to put it down to her illness and deteriorating mind, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

That left just his dad as caretaker. His father was more absent and far harsher overall but he has memories of his father gloating to workers and other lords of Karls accomplishments in hunting or engineering so he tries to cling to that rather than the other stuff.

He had to grow up exceptionally fast because of the burdens placed on him. No, he was told he wasn't an important member of the family, but he was still expected to uphold moral values and standards than should be expected of a kid. He had similar responsibilities to that of the oldest child in a neglectful household. Look after pets, manage his own affairs , help out alcina with her “more important business” .

Speaking of, he was often expected to drop everything to help out alcina. Despite being older than him by several years, Karl was still expected to be responsible for her sometimes. If she failed, the blame was pinned on him for distracting her or not meeting her standards. Yes that is incredibly unfair but what could he do about it?

Karl’s stress response is often anger. He’s got an explosive temper but It flares and fades quickly, like a firework rather than a burning fire. His triggers usually revolve around vivid reminders of his past, certain smells, certain words and even certain people.

Threats of punishment or physical violence are a pretty big trigger for him. He’s always spoiling for a fight mind you. I feel like it's an attempt to preempt any attack, start the fight on his terms before someone else does. He needs reminding that not everything people say and do is an attack on his person. He’s a bit defencive at times but still has the sense to realise you're right when you tell him not to jump to the conclusion that just because someone offers criticism or a harsh word that they are attacking him.

I mentioned in my sfw alphabet that he carries a lot of guilt and possibly even verging on ptsd over what happened to Donna benievento. Even after Miranda warped his mind, he felt responsible for not being able to protect her. It happened decades ago but even now just being in the same room as Donna or even Angie is enough to set him on edge.

Karl smokes to cope quite often. The harsh smell of tobacco leaves in a cigar is quite grounding to him. He has some special cuban ones for celebrations and especially bad days. He likes hand rolling his own cigarettes for the same reason. If he’s REALLY stressed out about something he has been known to chain smoke. If I were his partner I'd really try to discourage this. The odd cigarette isn't going to hurt him but with the mold in his system, his lungs can get congested really easily.

Because of this you’ll often find he gets sick after being triggered or suffering some sort of acute stress. It's possible he’s got an immune problem but the more likely solution is that the mold is overreacting or he’s been smoking too much and has given himself pneumonia. Please try to look after him like this. He might still be reacting with anger despite being too sick to walk but he needs you now more than ever.

He’s not about to use his trauma and temper as an excuse to be a shitty person. He doesn't always have the best grasp of when he’s crossed a line into potentially toxic behavior so please feel free to tell him, he’s willing to listen and change for you.

I feel like your mutually shitty childhoods are a good bonding point for the both of you but he’s reluctant to make it the basis of your relationship. Yes you can both joke about your trauma but if that's all there is to things, maybe you'd be better taking a step back. You should be able to relate to each other, support one another and so on.

He’s good at communicating with you about your triggers and stressors, but far less good at doing it for himself. He might need your help to even identify some of them but don't feel obligated to play therapist just because you're his partner. If he really loves you he’ll let you support him but sort his shit out in therapy with an actual therapist like the rest of us. He knows how unfair it is to be made to do a tonne of emotional labor for people and he’s not about to repeat that mistake with you.

Karl is an ideas man. I imagine if you two were having a particularly shitty day with your trauma he’d be full of ideas of things you could do to make it better or try and turn it into a positive. Despite all that’s happened to him, he really tries to be an optimist. I think his favorite thing to do is actually childish shit like play with toys or legos or bubble blowers. He wants to do the things you missed out on in childhood. Make blanket forts, play pretend and act like kids for once in your lives.

I have more on karls triggers and coping mechanisms nonnie but i think i've rambled enough lol

Hmu again if you want more of them, i'll do a bullet point list.

#karl heisenberg #karl heisenberg x reader #resident evil village #resident evil 8 #resident evil #asks #my asks #my stuff #my writing

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jonnnysuh · 3 years

Text

Never Not - Park Jinyoung

Pairing: idol!Jinyoung x gender neutral reader

Summary: Your bad day is turned around when your childhood best friend, Jinyoung, returns to your hometown and takes you on a tour of your favourite memories together.

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to lovers

Warnings: suggested sexual experience

Word Count: 4.3k

Requested by: Anon

A/N: Hi guysssss. I took a small break from tumblr bc I got super busy with work. I haven’t written something like this in a while, but I actually loved how it turned out. I recommend listening to Never Not by Lauv to get into the mood <33

Effort was hard to make these days. Even the way you walked had an unmistakable slouch. Your exhaustive strides were just a shallow reminder that there used to be a hop in your step. Five more minutes and you were free from the shackles of work. Free to figure out what to make for dinner, and appease the gurgles of your stomach.The seconds on the point of sale system didn't seem to move fast enough as you folded the customer's final item and shoved it into a bag.

When you were a kid, no one told you how exhausting being an adult was, and thus it became something to look forward to. You were so caught up on getting that first kiss, sneaking out to go to parties, seeing people that your parents didn't approve of, that you didn't realize that life didn't slow down from there. It was like you blinked, and you were no longer 16. Instead, you were twenty-something perpetually feeling like life was just an endless pit of "what ifs" and building up the courage to make something of yourself. Another mindless "Have a good day." escaped your lips as you bid a customer bye for the nth time that day. You wondered how many of your years would waste away telling others to have a good day, when you yourself hadn't had one in a while.

You pressed your fingers against your temple to sooth a small growing headache. Working in retail for as long as you had, you knew that the s-curved line of people didn't stop for your discomfort. With a fake smile on your face, you welcomed the next few customers as your eyes wandered around the store looking for the person who was going to take over for the next hour. Fifteen minutes past the hour, your replacement finally came. Externally, you wanted to scream and ask them what took you so long? but you knew that would only make you as good as the worst customer. Graciously, you nodded at them, before walking away to the back room to fetch your things and head out.

...

You stood against the wall at the bus shelter shivering from the cool summer breeze that was disguising just how rapidly autumn was truly coming. Today probably wasn't the best day to forget your coat. You rubbed your arms for warmth, taking micro footsteps in place. The pain in your feet made you romanticize the comfort of the sturdy old bus seats as a place of rest. You felt your phone in your pocket vibrate, but you let it ring out. You were determined to get a seat on this bus. A deep sigh escaped you as you surveyed the density of the crowd on the platform- the ride home was definitely going to be longer than usual. When the bus arrived, you queued behind a long line of people. Your phone rang a second time, at this point the crowd was getting larger and you knew you weren't going to get a seat on this bus.

PRIVATE CALLER

"Hello?" you pressed your phone to your ear. Sometimes your mother used phone booths to reach you, so you expected her voice to be on the other end of the line. "I'm offended I had to call you twice for you to pick up." The voice was much deeper, and the delivery much more lighthearted than anything that would've came out of your mother. The absence of a greeting was distinct and direct, but no matter, you knew exactly who this was.

You felt the tenseness of your shoulders drop with just the sound of this voice. "If I had definitely known it was you, I wouldn't have picked up, Mr. Private caller." you jest with the phone pressed between your ear and the crook of your shoulder.

"You know, I was gonna suggest that I pick you up, but just for that comment, I change my mind."

You poke your tongue at your cheek, coyly. For all the changes that occurred in your life, for some reason you could depend on Jinyoung's quick wit and humour to hit the spot even after all this time.

"That's fine, I just finished work so I was thinking of just going home anyways." You had no idea he was even back in South Korea. Last you heard, he was on tour somewhere in North America. More than that, you couldn't even remember when the last time you actually talked was. You were curious about what he was up to these days, but you you knew any hint of urgency in your voice would lead to incessant teasing on his part. The line progressed slightly, but you still didn't feel any closer to the entrance of the bus.

"I'm about to get on a bus home."

"Well, don't get on."

"If I don't get on then you're gonna have to repay me for the fare I paid to even get here." You eyed the bus reaching its capacity, and stepped aside. You twisted your fingers in hope that he was being 100% serious, otherwise you were going to have to wait out for the 6:30pm bus.

"I can't believe the cost of your attention is only $2. Do better." the voice quipped.

"Okay, Jinyoung I guess I'll just get on, then." you threatened, although you had no intention of boarding the departing bus.

"Fine, fine. I'll pay for your fare. Just wait for me."

...

The sky had darkened tenfold since you hung up from Jinyoung's impromptu call. The streetlights glowed gold against the lavender backdrop of the sky. You sat on the bus shelter bench, swinging your feet back and forth as you waited for him. If he took even a minute longer, you vowed to somehow become the president of the Park Jinyoung hate club. Of course, you wouldn't actually, but the idea became more appealing the longer you waited.

You weren't one to go on spontaneous outings- at least not since your teenage years. Recently, you followed the strict routine of work, home, sleep, and to stray from it seemed pointless. But the fact that he even thought of you when he came back home to South Korea was still not something you could wrap your head around.

In the distance, a glow of headlights appeared, stopping perfectly adjacent to your bus stop. The window rolled down, and there appeared Jinyoung's face in all its glory. To say all the words in your vocabulary disappeared would be an understatement. A part of you doubted he would even follow through. Without missing a beat, he returned a look to you. "You just gonna stare at me, or are you gonna get in the car?"

...

Your backpack was sitting atop your lap, bouncing with the movement of the car. Jinyoung hung one hand over the steering wheel. The orange and purple of the sky twisting, and creating a brand new colour that only seemed to grace the skies at this hour. The music was unidentifiable, but the volume was low enough that you didn't even bother trying to figure it out.

"So what'd you do today?" he asked.

"I worked, I told you that." you replied, matter-of-factly.

"And how was it?"

"I honestly can't tell the difference between this week and last week. Or even last month. Same old, same old. Annoying customers, stale lunch, forgot my jacket at home even though it's 15 fucking degrees outside."

"Do you still work at that clothing store you started at when we were 20?"

Your eyes shifted, following the ever-changing scenery of the highway. No idea where he was bringing you, and yet you were brought to comfort by Jinyoung's habits. You knew he didn't have a drug deal, or a random party planned. Jinyoung was always the type to be home before midnight. He was a self-proclaimed goody-two-shoes, but you weren't completely fooled. You knew he could bend the rules if it seemed to serve him.

"That exact same one."

"Anything else?"

You looked at him, the shock settling in that he was really right next to you-- no longer just a figure on a billboard that you used to know. The changes of his physicality were subtle; his face was more defined, but his cheeks still carried the baby fat that had been there since childhood. The shadow of his facial hair loomed on his smooth skin. The mole on the top of his lip, not necessarily gone, but faded. He looked older, but the aura of his presence remained the same.

"And then I was dumb enough to get into a car with a stranger because he said he'd give me $2."

Jinyoung side eyed you, causing you to erupt in laughter. His glare was also unchanging. "Stranger? Your memory's fading already?" He shook his head disappointedly. "I thought you still had a few good years left."

"Oh yeahhhhhh. Sorry Jinyoungie. Didn't recognize you with all the fame." you pinched and pulled on his ear- both things a relic of your grade school years. When you were kids, you never let him forget the age gap. Granted, it was only 3 days, but that gave you the freedom to refer to him however you pleased, while he was stuck with the honorifics.

As you let go, the curve of his ear flushed red. "OWW.” he cried, swatting your hand away. “You’re lucky I’m driving otherwise I would pull your hair.”

Being raised with Jinyoung meant that you were inseparable but kind of in the worst way. If Jinyoung got a good mark on a test, his parents would immediately flaunt it to yours. If you wanted to sneak out, he was on your tail telling you to go back home. And if he knew you liked someone, then that person would know soon enough by the words of Jinyoung. All of that warranted ear pulling, and if you did something in retaliation he would pull your hair.

He was one of the few people in your life, who encapsulated a certain time of your life. The time in your life when you were young, and the world felt so big and everything was possible.

The car rocked back and forth as it shifted into the elevated ramp of a parking lot. Your eyes widened as you realized where you were. He lingered in his seat before popping his seatbelt off and exiting the car. You followed him, swinging the passenger door open.

"So you randomly called me because you wanted to hang out at the...convenience store?" you gestured to the old, orangey building. The bricks were chipped, and the fluorescent lights illuminated the outside through the big glass window. You remember the days when you and Jinyoung would sit on the parking blocks and split a bag of chips until you were chased off the property by the owner. He pulled on the store door, pressing his back to it and letting you enter first.

"Well, I wasn't going to come here until you started yanking my ears. That's when I knew you were hungry."

Without stopping, you weaved through the store until you reached aisle 3- the snack aisle had become a home to you and Jinyoung when you were growing up. In grade school, you were both fearful of what was beyond the boundaries of your home and school so you indulged in after school snacks at the convenience to talk about the latest happenings in your life. As you aged, it became the place of solace after exams, or the meetup location for last minute plans.

He picked up a package of gummy worms, and shook them in your face. "Do you remember what happened the last time we ate theseeee?" Jinyoung smirked. For a moment, you were taken aback by how much he had grown. In your teens, you and Jinyoung met eye to eye. Now, you felt like you had to look up at him in order to be taken seriously.

You crossed your arms, "Yeah, we ate them in the parking lot and you made me confess who I had a crush on."

"Chan, right?"

You nodded, with a sulk as you reminisced. "That wasn't fair."

"Why? Do you still have a crush on him?"

"I haven't thought about him in so long. You really think I'd have a lingering crush on a guy I haven't seen in years?"

Jinyoung shrugged, and shifted his feet. "You had a huge crush on him, though. You even stared at him like this." He rested his palm to his cheek, letting out a deep sigh while trying to maintain an enamoured expression. You snorted, hitting him on the chest. "You'd write his name all over your notebooks AND you bullied me into giving you one of my new ones." he added.

You let out a belly laugh. "And then I wrote his name all over that one too."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "They were premium quality notebooks. My aunt sent me them from the states!"

"You had a kabillion of them. Besides, you pestered me for-like-ever to know who I liked, but you never even told me who you had a crush on." You grabbed the bag of gummy worms from his hand and placed it in your shopping basket. Your attention shifted, as you realized you should be in search of your favourite chocolates. You knew that you were far too old to be eating junk food for dinner, but there was something familiar about being hyped up on food that you knew would rot your insides. Your eyes landed on the top row of the wall, and before you could grab your favourite chocolates, Jinyoung stripped it from the wall and dropped it into the basket. He piled on a bag of sour cream and onion chips, and then you both ventured to the drink refrigerators.

Both of you stared deeply at your drink options. On each level of the fridge, stood several different colourful drinks. If you knew Jinyoung, then you knew he would pick a Coke- it was something he swore by in your younger years. You hummed, mentally deciding between an iced tea or a vitamin water. You weren't sure why it bothered you when Jinyoung picked up a Sprite, but you tried to hide your dismay. With an ice tea in hand, and a basket full of both of your favourite things, you made your way to the cashier.

At the last moment, Jinyoung placed a bright yellow umbrella on the checkout counter. He looked down at you, surely, “You never know when it’s gonna rain.”

...

The following car ride to your next destination only lasted about 3 minutes before he parked on the side of the road and dragged you down the street, with the plastic bag full of your foods in hand.

"I should've known you were going to bring me here." you said, strolling down the familiar gravel pathway towards your elementary school. All colour in the sky had disappeared now, finding it hard to see anything but the outline of each other and some features.

Both of you settled on the grass field, onlooking the tall school building that was the foundation of your formal years. As soon as you opened the bag of chips, you found yourselves deep in conversation, talking about what life had been for him the last few years. You couldn't help but be in awe when he explained the rush he got when he got on stage, and how he got anxiety when he thought he wasn’t doing his best. The candidacy of his thoughts drew you in and you were surprised that he trusted you with his secrets.

All these years, you had always wondered what he was up to, if he was living a life far better than the one he left at home. To everyone else, he was this huge pop star that had travelled the world 3 times over, but to you, he was your best friend who left home at 16. You had seen him through the bad hair phases, the adolescent temper tantrums, the voice cracks, and the questionable fashion choices both your parents had put you in.

He leaned back on his arms as he gazed at the school. "Are you afraid of change?" You were silent for a moment as you thought. "On a scale of 1-10?" you rocked your head back and forth. "It's a 15."

Jinyoung raised his eyebrows. You held your legs to your chest, and looked at him. "Why?"

He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it and looked smugly in the other direction. "Heyyy." you poked him repeatedly. "You can't just ask me that and not tell me why."

He enclosed his hand around your finger, forcing your poking to come to a halt. It felt like he was studying your face. Never in your life had you ever felt like you were under the scope of Jinyoung's gaze. The darkness of the sky acted as a mask, hiding your blushing face.

"It was the last thing I asked you before I left." he admitted. "I asked you that when things were about to change big time for us… I always wondered if you resented me for leaving you behind."

The last day before Jinyoung left to become a full-time trainee, you two snuck on to this very same field. Both of you ran across the grass, picking up dandelions; believing that if you gathered enough and blew on them, that they would fuel your wishes.

“You thought I could resent you?” He nodded. “Well, for starters, I hate your guts.” You replied sarcastically, causing him to look at the ground with embarrassment and your face softened at the sight of it.

“You know what I wished for on all of those dandelions, Jinyoung?”

“Not to fail the math exam.” Even in a soft moment, he couldn’t help but be sly. “No!” You exclaimed.

“Well, you should’ve. You got a 48.” He sensed your killer look on him. “So what’d you wish for?”

You played with your fingers. You thought you’d take this secret to the grave. “I wished that you’d be successful in whatever you chose to do.” His eyes enlarged, alarmed at your confession. “but maybe I should’ve wished for the math thing.”

Jinyoung giggled, inching closer to you so your legs were pressed against each other.

“What did you wish for?” You asked. He smiled with the side of his mouth, shaking his head.

“I wished that I’d always find my way back home.” “Oh goddd.” You gagged. “you’re so corny.”

“What about you, huh? You used your wish on me!” he bellowed, his voice echoing against the school playground.

“Hey, I might just be the reason why you’re famous.” You fought back.

You flipped your phone over, 7:53, the brightness of it only barely illuminating the dark. You thought about what you would be doing at this moment if you weren’t here, if he hadn’t picked you up. Mmm probably falling asleep to a tv show. Probably dreading tomorrow. Probably not as happy.

"But what did I say? You know… the first time you asked me that question?” You couldn’t even begin to imagine how 16-year-old you answered.

"You said you were excited to see who we were going to become.” The words of your younger self were so hopeful, yet your current self felt hopeless. Your expression sank, and Jinyoung offered a small smile to revive it. He felt guilty having asked you the question in the first place.

You sat in silence for a bit, dwelling on the excitement for life that you once had. Where was it? And how could you get it back?

“I feel like I’ve let myself down. I don’t even know who I am now.”

Jinyoung blinked slowly, watching his childhood best friend crumble. He rested a hand on your shoulder. "I just look at you, and in so many ways you're the same. I still know what makes you laugh, and the way you say things. I can still pick out your favourite snacks, and know you’re gonna pull my ears when I do something to piss you off.” he yanked on yours softly. "Everything about you feels just how I left you. I feel my youth when I'm with you. But at the same time I’m comforted by how much you’ve changed.”

“I don’t think I’ve changed much.”

“You don’t see it, do you?” You shook your head no. “Do you remember how scared you were to even leave the house when we were kids? Now you live on your own. You never took anything seriously back then, but you’re now one of the hardest working people I know…” his voice softened. “And you let yourself be vulnerable with me when it used to take hours to drag it out of you.” You laid on his shoulder, and he rested his head on top of yours, snuggling closer. “You fear change, yet you’re changing right before your own eyes. And maybe one day, I’ll come back here, and I won’t even be able to recognize who you’ve become.” You sniffled, the idea of Jinyoung not remembering you broke your heart. You held your chest. “But if that day does come, it’ll be okay. Because I know that the person that you’ve become will have it all figured out. I’ll always be rooting for every single version of yourself even if it doesn’t include me.” You sobbed quietly, interlocking your fingers with his. He held your hand tightly, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand. For once, there was an action not done out of habit or relic. It was an action evoked just for this moment, and it was a change that you didn’t mind.

…

Jinyoung held your hand, leading you down a narrow road a few minutes away. The sound of crickets, barking dogs, and distant vehicles could be heard as you stood in the middle of the road of your childhood neighbourhood.

You hadn’t been here since you moved in 2016. You looked up at the large modern house that sat on what used to be two lots. Yours and Jinyoung’s childhood homes were purchased by a wealthy business man and demolished to build the business man’s dream home. You stared at the foreign house that sat on the place of your childhood dreams and frustrations.

Jinyoung placed his hands on your shoulders and stopped you at the exact halfway point between what was once his house and your house. You rubbed your arms as a gust of wind rushed by. Without thinking, Jinyoung slipped off his hoodie and placed it on top of your shoulders.

“I remember racing you down this street.” You piped up, pointing down the end of the road. Jinyoung always won that race. No one was faster than him on this street.

“I remember finding that stray puppy and fighting over who got to keep it.” He responded.

“It should’ve been me.” You bickered. Jinyoung laughed, amused at how you were always one to hold a grudge.

“Do you remember that day when it started raining soooo hard and we had to walk shoulder to shoulder under my umbrella?”

You nodded. “Ya, that was the same day with the gummy worms, you dummy.”

“So do you remember what happened right here?” He pointed at the exact spot you were standing. You racked your head for a memory, but nothing stood out to you clearly. You shook your head no. “We always said bye to one another here...but…?” you trailed off.

He took a step forward, both of you standing directly under the streetlight now. You watched his face light up as he likely played the moment back in his head. “So that day, standing under my umbrella, we were about to go our separate ways. You turned into me.”

He took another step closer, popping open the bright yellow convenience store umbrella and holding it over your heads.

You could see it now. It was drizzling so hard, even your hair wasn’t protected from getting soaked. You wrapped your hands around the handle, just like how you did back then. Chest to chest, huddled under the umbrella. Jinyoung locked eyes with you, your heart beat faster.

“And you looked at me, and I swear I was going to say everything I wanted to tell you right then and there.” Your mouth opened in shock. “This was the place where I almost told you I loved you.”

You studied the eyes of the boy you watched grow up. He looked scared, but sure. There was no doubt in your mind that Jinyoung meant what he said. He lowered the umbrella, not letting his gaze veer from you.

Your life was just a build up of what if’s and trying to gain the courage to make something of yourself… but you didn’t want that anymore. With your heart beating out of control, you leaned into him, taking the risk and kissing his lips. He wrapped his arms around your waist, deepening the heat of the kiss.

A round of thunder boomed above you, and little by little, raindrops began to pour from the sky.

You and Jinyoung separated to look up at the sky. “I did say, you never know when it’s gonna rain.”

You both ran for the car, shoulder to shoulder, under the umbrella. From your heads to your toes, you were soaked in the rain, but neither of you cared. You silently thanked the world for every bad thing that happened to you today that led to this.

…

You blinked your eyes awake, surveying the damp clothes strewn across your living room floor, and the heat of the bare body laying next to you on the couch. You stared at your sleepy childhood best friend, a smile spreading across your lips. This was a change you were ready for.

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