#because I cannot be left alone to fucking cope with this

[thenightshadowqueen]

Don’t mind me, I’m just fucking screaming about the parallels between Loustat and Evervale

[7-wonders]

Seeing Ghosts

Dr. Jack Abbot x psychiatrist!reader (gender-neutral)

Summary: A case hits too close to home for you. Jack wants you to know you're not alone.

Word count: 1.9k

A note from the author: "I'm just going to write a little blurb," I say to myself. "Fucking liar!" my laptop yells at me.

I don't even know what I'm doing with this but I'm watching The Pitt and cannot get this old man out of my head! If you're reading this, I sincerely hope you enjoy!

Content warning: Mentions of suicidal thoughts

You’re on night rotations for the first time in years, taking over for Dr. Gibbons who’s out on paternity leave. Night shift has been kind to you with a fairly easy workload as your body gets adjusted to a completely opposite sleep-wake schedule, but tonight, you’re called down to the ER for a 5150. 20 y/o male, brought to the ER after his roommate found him with cuts to his wrists. He's crying as his wrists are tended to, so sure that some unseen entity is on the phone with Pitt's admissions office right now to get his scholarships revoked.

You recognize him, this young overachiever who has the weight of the world on his shoulders for no real reason other than that he feels it will all collapse if he's not the one to hold it up. Not because you've met him before. You recognize him because, at one point in time, he was you.

One of your favorite parts about your job is getting to truly connect with your patients, and you feel that one of the best ways to do that is by meeting them at their level. Sitting next to them, giving them your first name and insisting they call you by that, and, if they allow for it, holding their hands. You catch a fair amount of shit for it from other doctors (mainly those for whom psychiatry isn't their specialty), but there's a reason why your patient satisfaction scores are so high. You know what you're doing, and you know how to accomplish a positive outcome, so when Shaun Gold takes your outstretched hand, you know you've got an in.

“I understand, that you feel like you’re alone in how you’re feeling right now. But can I tell you a secret?" He nods, and you tighten your grip on his hand. "You're not alone. So many people have felt the exact same way. I have felt the exact same way."

"You have?" Shaun's face opens up at this revelation, seeing in front of him a successful (-ish) doctor who's also battled the lowest of the lows.

"Yep. And I'm not here to tell you that I never feel the way I did then anymore, because I would be lying to you. But I have the right skills now to help me combat those feelings. Therapy, and coping tools, and medication. That's what I'm trying to do for you here. Give you the proper skills so that you can be the best possible version of yourself. And maybe one day, you'll be in my position, helping to give hope to somebody who needs it. So?" You squeeze his hand, smiling when he squeezes back. "Can we help you?"

Shaun agrees, and you get him safely transferred up to your ward with a schedule laid out and a promise that you'll be back in an hour. A favorable outcome, which is all that one can ask for in this career. But it doesn't change the heaviness in your chest, which continues to press down on you even after you're back down in the ER to discuss potential care plans with Ellis. Throwing yourself back into work is normally your trick to get your mind off of a tough case—it's not the healthiest coping mechanism, but mental health is nothing if not a balancing act—and you're left searching for relief. Where's a physician to go when everything feels a little too...much? Your fellow dayshifter clued you in on just the place.

The roof of PTMC is quiet at this time of night, no incoming or outgoing medical flights interrupting your stolen moment of peace. Almost immediately, you can see why Robby finds so much comfort in being up here. Leaning against the railing, having the cool breeze on your face and watching cars crawl through the streets of Pittsburgh like ants in an ant farm...it may not comfort you, exactly, but it does help to calm you down enough that you can focus on the things you would tell a patient in your position to do: deep breathing and grounding.

From behind you comes the sound of the rooftop door opening and closing and your slow exhale turns into a harsh sigh, assuming that it's some medical student coming to find you about a drunk experiencing hallucinations. Do people not remember how to use a pager anymore?

"Fancy seeing you up here." You'd be able to pick Jack Abbot's voice out of a crowd of hundreds, and it's no different now when he's standing behind you. Your shoulders, which you hadn't realized tensed up at the threat of being pulled back to work before you're ready, loosen up almost immediately.

It was naive of you to think that Jack wouldn't have picked up on anything out of the ordinary in any of the doctors on the clock tonight. He and Robby are two of the best ER attendings in the state for many reasons, but the way that they look out for those on their teams is one of them. Ellis probably snitched, you think, before realizing that you're not giving Jack nearly enough credit for his intuitiveness.

"I've heard so much about this 'trick' from Robby, figured now was the perfect time to try it out. Sorry to steal your hiding spot," you call out, keeping your eyes focused on the lights of PNC Park in the distance.

"I'm not going to ask you if you're alright, because god knows I would hate if someone came up here, interrupted my moment of peace, and asked the same." You can't help the smile that appears on your face. "But I am...here. Y'know, just in case you feel like talking."

You recognize this language, and it makes you chuckle. "Who's the psychiatrist here?"

"Not me, thankfully."

"Saw a ghost downstairs," you supply, still staring determinedly ahead. "I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing, at separating my work life from my personal life. But every so often, a certain case comes in that just...hits too close to home."

"I completely understand."

What Jack doesn't tell you is that, the moment you saw your ghost in that student, he saw his own ghost in you. He often hears negative feedback from those in the ivory tower about how he could stand to be a little more caring to, well, everybody. Though Robby hosts some of the worst patient reviews, he has more than a few of his own.

But who the hospital administration hears from is the bad seeds. Drunk idiots, antivaxxer mothers, bigots who think they can get away with snide comments to members of the staff—the types of people for whom complaining is in their blood. They're more than happy to fill out the survey provided to them with their discharge instructions, flaming everything and everything about the hospital—but especially about Dr. Abbot, who has been called anything from "gruff and unapproachable" to "a raging asshole."

He doesn't do this for them, though. He does it for the people that can actually benefit from his help, those who likely won't fill out a survey. The young parent frantically making sure that every test and procedure for their sick child is covered by Medicaid before consenting. The unhoused man being treated on his fingers for frostbite (and who will find a warm, sturdy pair of gloves tucked with his discharge paperwork).

The veteran fresh off a tour of duty and having her first real bout of PTSD.

You found yourself caught off guard by how close you felt to this case, and in that moment, he saw himself in you.

"I've been that student before—still am, sometimes," you admit quietly, knowing Jack will still hear it. "I was always too scared of what would happen to me if people found out I was feeling this way. I was sure that I'd be judged by everyone, but especially by doctors. I had no reason to feel that way, of course, but I didn't know any better at the time. I think that's why this case got to me; I needed him to hear me, to know for certain that he wasn't alone in his feelings and that he had friends in those who would be taking care of him."

Jack's silent, but you know that's not a bad thing. When he finally speaks, his voice is closer than it was when he first joined you on the roof. "I think that's what distinguishes good doctors from great doctors. Good doctors study hard, perform quality work, and genuinely care for their patients. But the great doctors are those who allow their experiences to fuel them. Who go through pain, or heartbreak, or grief, and use those feelings to guide their work and how they treat those that come under their care. And you, my friend, are a damn great doctor."

"Thanks, Jack." You don't say what you want to, which is that he's describing himself, too. The man's trying to teach a lesson, after all, and you've seen his disdain when his lessons have been hijacked before.

"Got any plans after work?" he asks.

"Besides still trying to get used to working nights?"

He chuckles. "Can't help you there. But if you're not feeling like the walking dead come seven, I know a great diner in the area. We can share some more ghost stories, maybe. Only condition is that you can't divulge the location after we go, no matter how much you may want to sing its praises. I can't go having my favorite breakfast spot overrun by interns and residents, after all."

It's a good thing that you're still facing away from Jack, because you wouldn't be able to school your face to some neutral expression fast enough. You'd be lying if you said you hadn't carried a bit of a torch for Jack for a while—the kind of crush that's easy to sustain when you work opposite shifts and your interactions are in stolen five-minute interactions before your shift ends and his begins. If this were day shift, you know Dana would be teasing you endlessly and going on about the betting pool that's allegedly been steadily gaining money since you volunteered to temporarily move to nights.

("Garcia has twenty on you both being too chicken to make a move before Gibbons returns from paternity leave," Dana whispered to you last week when she was supposed to be giving you a status update on the Kraken before clocking out for the night. "Don't give her a win."

"I don't know what you're talking about," you claimed, cheeks burning as you focused on reading from the tablet in your hands.)

"Let me guess, the VFW?" you tease.

"Nah, their pancakes suck."

On your next exhale, when the heaviness in your chest seems to have finally abated, you turn around to face Jack. He's closer than you thought he would be, a couple of feet away at most. Close enough that you can see the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles at you. "Alright, we can go to your super secret breakfast spot. But I'm expecting world-class waffles, deal?"

"Deal."

When Jack wraps an arm around your shoulders in a loose hug, he doesn't put it down again until right before the elevator doors open on the ER. You don't mind in the slightest.

[lair-of-the-white-worm]

Hi! I know you've been asked this before so I apologize, but will you be continuing EOTY with a new chapter soon? I'm very curious! It's one of the most well written dark stories I've seen for OW

Thanks for the compliments, I really do appreciate it. I wish I was in a good enough mood to return to you but. This ask has been sitting in my inbox for a bit now, because I have a lot of anons asking similar questions about my fics and they get overwhelming, but I just wanted to answer this one frankly; most likely No. I will NOT be posting a new Employee of the Year chapter anytime soon. I don't know if I'm ever going to post another chapter period. I want to apologize in advance for how long this response is going to be. But I've been accused of some pretty heinous things lately and I feel beyond sick. A sour taste has been left in my mouth about my writing. Writing was my outlet and I feel horrid about this.

I didn't want to post anything about this publicly. I didn't want to post anything about this to my friends, be it here or in private conversations. I have been trying and trying and trying to let it go, and move on, because I hate arguing on the internet, but I'm at my tipping point. An Oddtumblr user named sei/the/zordokon, as well as a user going by glenglam/324 have been saying and doing some insanely sick shit to my friends. (please, for the love of all that is sacred, do NOT sent them any cruel messages to these two. I know I'm talking to a wall when I say this, but I do not condone or endorse any anonymous harassment or hate mail whatsoever. I am too old for this. Do not send them anything. I want them to leave me alone and this is why I am angry. They cannot keep me and my friends' names out of their mouths, and it's made it's way to people I trust now, so I can't take it anymore).

They have accused me, my beloved partner Roman (this-game-has-themes), as well as my mutuals and dear friends including ghostmoor and several other individuals of condoning and fetishizing rape and incest in the art and fanfictions I create. I already have immense posting apathy. This has put the nail in the coffin for me. I try to post for myself and nobody else, but this has left me sick. I cannot stand rape kinks. I struggle to write the explicit scenes in Employee of the Year because it was mentally taxing. The story is not supposed to be "kinky", and if anyone reading it thought that was what it was then I have to say you've come to the wrong place. The story is meant to be traumatizing. It is meant to be disgusting. It is meant to make you want to toss Molluck down several flights of stairs. The reader is supposed to be made sick by it because I don't want people to like what Molluck is doing in the story. Writing that story had been immensely therapeutic for me for coping with My Own Baggage about Things that aren't much anybody's business but my own. But I didn't make that clear enough it would seem. So now the entire story leaves the sourest taste in my mouth and I can't stand to look at it, knowing that what people have been taking from it is that "I get off to rape".

I cannot stand incest. It makes me sick. It makes me vomit. It is one of the most sensitive subjects for me and I can only stomach it when it's being depicted in a way that demonizes it. However, what Glenglam and Sei have been doing lately is accusing my Abe & Alf content of being incestuous. Which makes me feel rotten to my core, that anyone under the sun could look at my works of Abe and Alf and think that was what I was trying to do. They have been telling strangers I support incest. My art was so kindly shared by OWI themselves on Twitter and other socials, and they were genuinley telling people it was fucking incest.

I don't have the energy to post all the horrid, vile, insulting, sickening shit that Sei and Glenglam have said about me and my friends to others. I realize now that a lot of the cruel messages I was receiving a bit ago may have been coming from them. It makes me sad. It makes me sick. I haven't even gotten into all the transphobia coming from them, but I don't want to post about it because talking about it makes me find my own body disgusting. I should have gotten the hint when I first shared my trans headcanons in front of Sei's mun, and she instantly shut them down. But that's old hat.

I don't want to post anything anymore. Because I considered them good acquaintances. Even though we were not friends. I would have never posted anything about them, to anyone, had they just left it all alone. They don't like me, they don't like my friends and they don't have to like me. Or my friends. But spewing this vitriol about me to other people in the fandom, making posts about me and my friends and then deleting them when word gets to us, ACCUSING ME AND MY FRIENDS OF CONDONING INCEST AND RAPE BECAUSE THEY WANT PEOPLE TO SHUN US, I can't stand it.

I haven't shared this much fanfiction and artwork in ages. Oddworld was such a wonderful outlet for me and it still is. But if these are the sorts of horrid things people in this fandom are going to accuse me of, I hesitate to share content further. I had no desire to post anything about Glen or talk about her to anyone else until now. I had known of Sei for years. I thought her a wonderful, wonderful artist. Just because we were not friends and she made me uncomfortable on many occasions did not mean that I wanted to fight her, insult her, or anything of the sort. I only gave her criticism when it was asked of me. I was direct with her when I needed to be. We did not click as friends. It did not bother me that we did not click as friends. But this is BEYOND the last straw.

Since this is quite literally the only post I will be making on this matter;

Sei and Glen, if you're reading this, fuck you both to hell. I am done holding my tongue. I am done giving you both the benefit of the doubt. Fuck you for the disgusting shit you've accused me and my friends of. Keep my name out of your fucking mouthes, keep my friends names out of your fucking mouthes. You don't know anything about me, who I am, why I write, you don't know anything about it. You both had no respect for me as a trans person, you currently have no respect for me or my friends as individuals, and you have absolutely fucking destroyed the last shred of respect I had for either of you, as well as any motivation I had to post my content, because I will forever feel sick to my stomach every time I see you in the tags, every time I see you interact with my friends acting like you're innocent, every time I hear your name or see your art I will be reminded of the ROTTEN shit you have done and said to me and about me and my dear friends. When I met you, you were artists I looked up to and respected. After getting to know you, I wish I never fucking did.

This fandom is small. So it's hard to keep these things contained. It's hard for me to avoid these things. I'm still fairly new here, and I am so upset that my welcome into this fandom has been turned on it's backside by the last persons I thought would do such a thing. And I feel horrible even posting this because I know they have friends who are none the wiser to this situation who are following me and I am so, so so incredibly sorry. But I am at my boiling point.

Anyways. Posting will be slow from now on. This whole debacle has made me feel disgusted to my core. I want to privatize all of my Abe and Alf art as well as all of my fanfiction, knowing that people are running around telling people these soul crushing fibs.

[nymph-ette111]

pls write Simon henriksson headcanons I’m gnawing at the walls of my enclosure 👩‍🦲

WARNINGS; SUBSTANCE ABUSE (SMOKING/DRUGS) MENTIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS (DEPRESSION/ANXIETY) MENTIONS OF INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY, UNHEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS (SELF-HARM)

AUTHOR'S NOTE; FIRST CRY OF FEAR REQUEST LET'S FUCKING GOOOO !1!1!1!1!1!!1!! kind of short, still new to the fandom so my headcanons of the characters might change overtime.

-it was confirmed that Simon is a fan of heavy metal and DSBM :3 personally I am not an avid listener of this genre, I think it's pretty cool. I'd like to headcanon specific bands that I think are suiting for Simon but I barely know anything so I don't really have a say on this.

-probably has some sort of internalized misogyny. he grew up all alone, his mother being quite overprotective didn't help with that at all and seeing no mentions of his father in the game makes me think his parents were divorced quite early in Simon's life. being exposed to such settings at a young age might have messed with his perception of love and healthy romantic relationships. despite that, he doesn't care much about gender norms now that he's older. left that mindset long ago.

-picked up on his coping mechanisms in his early teens. he was a bit scared at first of trying something like self-harm, it took him him a lot of time and internal conflict but then decided to just fuck it, he had nothing to lose. felt guilty at first, dropped it for a bit and then picked up on it again. he knows it isn't a healthy way to deal and cope with his negative thoughts but he couldn't care less at that point.

-isn't unfamiliar with drugs but not that crazy about it. not as much as cigarettes, although he does it occasionally, he could still smoke like a pack in one sitting if the situation really called for it. usually just sticks to 2-3 cigs, thinks it's a good enough amount.

^ can you tell I have no idea what I'm talking about.

-you'll never get that crusty ass grey hoodie of his off of him. it's like a cartoon where the character's never change outfit throughout the entire show. besides the fact that it's a literal video game, even in his daily life he almost never switches things up. not necessarily dirty, just worn out and stained with stuff that doesn't want to come off no matter how many times he washes it.

-has a mini fridge full of energy drinks in his room. and by full I mean like two cans because the rest have been consumed and thrown somewhere onto the ground.

-cannot save money for the life of him. as soon as he gets his hands on some cash, it's immediately spent on either a pack of cigarettes or some useless shit. he doesn't even remember what he spends it on, it's just gone.

-hadn't picked up his camera in quite a while, he's slowly loosing grip on his interests. not necessarily because he is starting to dislike them, just doesn't have the motivation.

-but it's usually full of recordings of him on the train, lonely streets of Stockholm or some stray cat that has grown a liking to Simon for some odd reason.

-one time Sophie took his camera without telling him and recorded a small video of herself, just doing something simple like a peace sign or showing off a little doodle she drew in her notebook. despite trying his best to move on, he watches that video from time to time.

[wormieapple]

please understand that i will never and can never condone John Winchester’s actions but some of y’all really don’t understand what “he did the best he could” means.

he neglected and at the very least emotionally abused his kids, and there’s a pretty good argument that he might’ve physically abused them as well. he isolated them, prevented them from forming any lasting relationships outside of immediate family, left them alone for days if not weeks on end with firearms and very little food. And that’s not even the half of it. and everything he did was a manifestation of grief and drive to protect his family. which does not in the slightest justify how he treated sam and dean, but it does lay out his morals and motives pretty clearly.

He loves his kids, he really does. and while struggling to deal with his own trauma he was doing everything he could in his mind to keep them safe. but that doesn’t make his best enough, not by a long shot. that doesn’t even make his best efforts good efforts. at the end of the day he abused his kids and royally fucked up their ability to cope with their own grief and trauma in ways that i cannot touch with a 10ft pole rn or i’ll be writing 57 essays right here and now.

and again i hate john just as much as the next person but he did not set out to abuse his kids. he didn’t have nefarious intentions when it came to how he raised his kids. he was a good person who turned into an abusive asshole due to grief, paranoia, and alcoholism. and it makes perfect sense that sam and dean still love him even if they recognize the damage he did to them. because they also know how hard their dad tried, and they’ve said as much several times. and i get it cause that’s how i grew up. my dad did everything he could despite his grief, despite his depression, despite working 14 hour days in poverty and homelessness, and he still neglected and emotionally abused me. not because he was a bad person, but because he had no tools to deal with everything he was going through. and his best wasn’t enough, his best failed me. and i still love my dad cause not every memory was bad, and he does truly love me and my siblings. And i’m lucky in a way that sam and dean never were because my dad recognized where he failed us, owned up to what he did and tries everyday to repair the damage he did.

I have closure, and that’s something sam and dean could never really have. but they do have the clusterfuck of emotions that is he tried his best and it wasn’t enough.

[blanket-of-moss]

Hi hi! I know you have a few Chlolila HCs, but do you have any ones for them individually?

Hello! I do in fact have some individual headcanons for them, and this finally reminded me to post them! :3

Lila Rossi and Chloé Bourgeois Headcanons

Lila Rossi:

- When she first moved to Paris, it actually took her a good few weeks-a month to even consider unpacking, since she was so convinced she'd end up moving away again.

- Since her mum isn't home much, she used to just thrive on things like microwave meals and noodle pots

- << However, it got to a point where she realised she wasn't getting any proper sustenance from them, so she forced herself to learn to cook, and realised she actually really enjoys it! (I'm a good cook Lila truther)

- If she were to own any animal as a pet, she'd either want a reptile or a bird.

- She absolutely hates silence, and will fill the void in any way she can. Most people think it's another attempt at attention seeking, but in reality it's because her home is always silent because her mom is gone most of the time.

-She prefers a shower to a bath, but it has to be absolutely scorching, and the bathroom needs to look like a sauna. She only really wants a bath when she's down in the dumps or ill.

-Her room (and house in general) is often messy for days or even weeks at a time, since she's usually so caught up in her own head she forgets to clean and then suddenly she snaps out of it and it's like. Fuck. There's no clean dishes left and her clothes are everywhere-

Chloé Bourgeois:

- A lot of people think her constantly forgetting special events (like birthdays) is intentional, and while sometimes it is, it's actually something she genuinely struggles with and can't help (hence why she gets so defensive about it).

- Whenever she gets upset or her emotionsgrow too overwhelming, her unintentional coping mechanism has become some form of age regression (see that one clip in “Frightingale” of her cuddling her teddy whilst sucking her thumb). Unfortunately, she doesn't recognise she does this, let alone what it means, and nobody cares to try and understand, so she doesn't get much proper support during these times.

- She doesn't particularly want a pet, since she feels like they'd be too much work and maintenance for her. But if she had to choose, she'd pick a cat, as they're usually more independent than most pets.

- She's absolutely goated at both make-up and skincare, like, she has a full routine that she refuses to leave the house without completing.

- She went absolutely fucking insane when the brat album came out. Genuinely went feral. It went platinum in her big ass hotel.

- She physically cannot sleep without some kind of light source, the dark absolutely terrifies her for some reason.

[gunnrblze]

Thinking about how all the other Ghosts reacted to and coped with the insanity of sand viper, especially with Captain Gabriel “I’m actually fine, thanks” Rorke, who’s XP apparently only doubled upon experiencing the trauma.

I imagine they all had various degrees of post traumatic stress from the event, specifically Keegan, Ajax, and Merrick, who were all under the age of 20 at the time (I stillll cannot believe that’s realistic in any way, but canon age is canon age lmfao). But I wonder just how much they were all affected and how it all played out.

An almost 30 year old Lieutenant Walker, around the age we see Hesh in the game, who had two little boys (and maybe a wife still) at home. Do you think he thought about them after he fought for the civilians in that hospital? How did he feel being second in command during such an unprecedented, transformative event not only for his career, but for the world, really. Who wouldn’t idolize Rorke to the highest degree after leading such a team to victory?

How did a 19 year old navy seal Merrick cope with what was probably one of the first more major combat missions of his career? He’d only been a seal for two years up until this point. Did he imagine his father and grandfather, if they’d be proud of him for getting through unscathed? Both men were killed in their own military careers, but Merrick made it through, with this new team. He wasn’t even old enough to buy a drink yet, but he could help take on 500 enemy soldiers.

Keegan and Ajax were 16 and 17, literal children, who couldn’t have had any fucking clue what they were really doing. Until they did. They had to. Did they ever imagine themselves in a classroom instead? Hanging out with their friends instead of hiding under their deceased bloodied bodies in the desert sand? Did anybody ever tell them they deserved that life instead of this one?

If we knew more of Kick, Neptune, Torch and Grim, more could be said of how they might’ve handled it. But how does one really handle fighting until their gun runs out of ammo, until their knife blade dulls against enemy skin, until they’re left to fight with just their bare hands? How do you look at yourself in the mirror after becoming part of a force “so menacing and unbeatable, it can only be described as supernatural” over the course of just three days?

So how, pray tell, do you cope when your Captain only acts more level headed after the matter? All of the remaining soldiers were put under psychological evaluation, and Rorke went unaffected by it all.

How did they feel watching Rorke slip through the cracks and come out the other side more calm? Three days and nights of hell, and their commanding officer just goes “well…anyways” I’d personally go even more insane from that alone I think.

And additionally, what carbon fiber steel nervous system does Rorke have anyways? To not be outrightly traumatized by such an event in the first place is one thing, but to become better because of it? Sharper and clearer and focused, while his comrades were no doubt riddled with anxiety and nightmares at the least? It’s giving robot!

[chaoortu]

an analysis of 8-21

YAY CATHARSIS VOMIT!!! FINALLY

tara having her license and darcy being passenger royalty,i know that's right. i also love how tara is like: NO WE LOVE U STOP BEING SILLY WE R GONNA LIVE TOGETHER AND BE!! HAPPY! queen.

classic queer person coming out in car moment, a canon event i fear. i also love nick waking the fuck up for the pronoun announcement. he is locked in... but not locked in enough.

i really do love just. everyone's expressions. nick's little anxiety darkness, everyone else's stricken expression as they realize he may actually be sick in the car. i do fear nick laying on his man like that def made him sicker as someone whose been the drunk person in the back of a car if u dont sit ramrod straight with ur face turned to an open window? death. immediately. i feel like we really see the shame start rolling off nick in waves. he's usually the caretaker, now he is being taken care of... how does one cope with this change? they don't LMAO! at least,. nick kind of doesn't. i really do love that he bolted past charlie to get to the bathroom and then LOCKED the door behind him. it's such an interesting shift in their dynamic. these guys literally went from "tell me all your shit" on the paris trip to charlie locking nick out when he was mentally ill now to nick LITERALLY locking charlie out when he honestly kinda needs him most. i do love the parallel between darcy getting drunk pukey after nick came out as bi and now nick's gotten drunk pukey after darcy came out as nonbinary. again, they are the same character in different fonts and i really love that connection story wise.

i also like that when the tables are turned-- when nick is seriously hurting, charlie lowkey doesn't know what to fucking do! why would he? the last time nick sincerely was vulnerable with charlie like this, imo, was in the first FUCKING BOOK when he said he was confused. now. why the door lock? I have a few theories. 1) because puking is embarrassing and a sign of weakness nick cannot hide 2) because if charlie sees him as anything other than perfect, he might leave. what if he's disgusted, disappointed in him? what if he walks away just like his dad did and nick is left alone again. the thing is, we've seen so much growth from charlie and i feel like nick's inclination toward codependence really shines here, but in the same breath-- nick really doesn't have the same support system charlie does, and i feel like this was proven by the fact that tao and elle both bit his head off while he was incredibly drunk (yes, stressed from their own issues and i am empathetic toward that but would nick treat them the same way they treated him? no. -insert nick's 17th birthday episode here-) nick doesn't have a tori, or a tao on his side, or even an aled. all he seriously has is charlie and sometimes tara and darcy but they don't go to the same school, so their connection is limited in that way UGH. UGH. and finally

i'm never going to get over nick, who is usually taller beside charlie, larger, more protective, looking up at his boyfriend from the floor like an ashamed child afraid of the moment his boyfriend says: "i don't want to come here if you're just going to cry" possibly even expecting it, hence why he yelled at charlie to leave because at least then, nick has some control over it instead of being abandoned. and there is charlie, in his t-shirt, scars visible from nick's perspective, looking down at his boyfriend and perhaps seeing fully, for the first time, just how poorly nick's actually been doing over the past couple of months. however, after reading the last few chapters and rewatching season 2, i am wondering if nick overreacted to charlie being flirted with both because he was fucking plastered, but also bc in the show, we know that stephane remarried a woman nick hasn't even met. so i wonder if nick's brain is jumping to "if im not good enough, my boyfriend will leave me" to "my boyfriend will leave me and go to someone else if i'm not good enough." in that moment, hence why he asks Charlie if he's angry at him. (and i dont think charlie is once he realizes just how drunk nick is.) I also cANNOT stress enough how badly everyone but Tara kind of let Nick down in these past few chapters, why was she the only one telling him to sit down? i rlly hope wee see the friend group hash this out bc the fact that nick thinks they hate him makes my heart break for real

[twentyfoursevenghost]

i have spent way too long trying to put this together ohhhh my god

to preface: i am personally not a wincest shipper, but i do enjoy gothic horror and talking about weird stuff so here we are. none of what i say here means i think anything happened between them in canon, cause i honestly don't, it's just a collection of thoughts about the way family is portrayed in the horror of Supernatural. also, this is pretty much entirely in reference to just the first five seasons because that's where i find this theme to be most glaring. okay cool thanks

long post under the cut

essentially, the first five seasons of the show very much fall under the American gothic genre, which revolves around the rational vs irrational, puritanism, guilt, the uncanny, and monsters. obviously a lot of that comes in the plot of the show itself, but we also see a lot of these points hit with Sam and Dean, the way they behave throughout the series- their relationship with their parents and the concept of family as a whole, their ideas about sex and romance, and their relationship with each other.

the amount of people thinking Sam and Dean are together and slightly line-crossing throwaways said by the guys is, frankly, fucking weird. but the family dynamic this show focuses on is fucking weird. if they had leaned more into this messed up idea they created, they could have made a very solid family horror. we see the crumble of the american dream and nuclear family- caring mom dies violently, working veteran dad turns into a cruel, abusive parent fighting (literal) demons. again, what better way to continue that theme of a disturbing tragedy under the surface than to imply the sons' relationship is incestuous?

there's also the fascination with purity and morality and how that relates to two people who spend their time in the grimiest, most crooked parts of reality. they know they're dirty and immoral, that there's something wrong with them that makes them incapable of being clean. between the two of them, there is so much guilt about that wrongness. again, a theme that would have really felt like something within the story if they had leaned into the idea of incest.

it's no wonder wincest "won" in the end. the reality of the situation was that Sam and Dean only need each other. they are each entirely fulfilled by the relationship they have with one another, no matter how much they try to say they aren't. no matter how guilty, disgusted, or stubborn they are about it, it's true. and that is part of the overall horror for them. because of their broken, screwed up childhood, they are extremely codependent and cannot escape the taboo reality they have created to cope. it's obviously wrong and condemnable, but so is the abusive and neglectful situation that would have led to it happening. the implication that because they were left alone to only interact with/rely on/comfort each other for most of their lives, their relationship took on the most unacceptable form it could is not completely out of the range of the type of crass horror the show is trying to convey.

i don't have to say that incest is wrong. however, i think it can be used as a very, very crude way to portray the type of horror Supernatural was going for- a vulgar exposure of the grit beneath the initially "perfect" family. it makes sense to be implied in a story that represents child abuse and neglect and its results in such an over-the-top, obvious way. therefore, i think the show could have gone a lot harder with it, and sometimes i think they maybe should have for the sake of not feeling so noncommittal when it is implied.

anyway hopefully this makes sense, thanks for reading my rant lol

[11queensupreme11]

If Cu chulainn were to cheat and try to get Percy back, what would be the successful way to prove to Percy he is sorry and won't do it again? Cuz you said that it would not only take a couple centuries, and would be very hard.

I'm just imagining the myth of Psyche and Eros, how Psyche had to prove herself to Eros after looking at his face, when she was explicitly told not to do so, and how she needed to go through a series of impossible tasks given to her by Aphrodite. In the end she succeeds and wins back Eros.

I feel like something like that would happen, but MUCH worse 😅

she just needs space and to be left alone. unlike for other women, they could actually LEAVE if their husband cheats on them. percy cannot. she cannot leave, cú chulainn will never divorce her, and she's fully aware of that. so not only does she have to cope with the fact that she's forced into a marriage, she also has to cope with the fact that her crazy fucking husband dared to CHEAT on her and she has no choice but to DEAL WITH IT.

cú chulainn's gotta give her space. leave her alone. hell, let her leave the palace for some time without him breathing down her neck! she'll warm up to him in her own terms because she quite literally doesn't have a choice. her only options are to be miserable forever or to try and be SOMEWHAT happy with the situation she's eternally trapped in. she wants to be happy, even if it's just a little bit. and so it's because of that, that she will slowly but surely warm back up to him after a century or two, but it all depends on how willing cú chulainn is to give her that space. the more he keeps pushing, the longer her recovery time will take 💔

but hey, at least once she does eventually open back up to him, he'd have learned a very important lesson and won't ever cheat again so i guess that's a plus??? 😅

[thekatea]

“You can always be on the receiving end.”

"Secret Relationships" review (LONG!) - Finished watching 20.03.2025

To say I was impressed is an understatement. I am honestly shocked how well this story was presented, acted and developed for how short it was. It was engaging from the beginning till the end. It completely took over my life for a month. I am not ashamed to admit, this will be a full on positive analysis of the unforgettable story. I will point out some minor flaws I have seen, but for making me this obsessed, I cannot care for them too much.

This is a great presentation of how external circumstances can shape a person. How one can be a perpetrator without being a victim first, be a victim and become the perpetrator, and sometimes just be the victim who tries to free themselves out of the abuse. How one cannot be saved from toxic relationships, they need to leave them willingly. How our current situation is not always our fault, but it is our responsibility.

I appreciate so much that Da On did not fall under either a submissive shy mouse, nor a chaotic victim who acts with no reason. I loved how he did try to set boundaries, sometimes he managed to, sometimes he failed. He knew the limits of how much he can do without putting himself in harm's way. There was a clear pattern to his behavior - he was more willing to say no to Su Hyeon in public, than in private. He set boundaries and when the situation escalated, he gave in. Yes, him not being straightforward was frustrating to watch, but that’s life. Su Hyeon had too much power over Da On’s life. There was too much trauma associated with his aggressive behavior to move past it quickly. Leaving an abusive relationship takes time, learning how to set boundaries has to be learned. It’s a process.

Even with limited length, they were able to explain the context of Da On’s life. Being neglected, living in a toxic environment, feeling like he has to carry too much responsibility from a young age, being ridiculed for being poor, isolated from others by Jae Min, attacked and abused, and on top of that abandoned by the person he liked. He did not know what it means to be in a healthy relationship. Or what is an appropriate behavior. He was simply groomed by Jae Min - to trust him only, alone with no other relations. Being groomed for 11 years has a massive impact on you, and you cannot just cut these people off like it’s not a big deal. Even if they do something awful, traumatic, scary - they have been part of you and your life. Da On acting like that was annoying, but it was not lazy writing. People wanted him to go from victim to a completely healthy person with proper coping mechanisms right away, and were frustrated when it did not happen.

Out of all the scenes, the one that truly got me a bit confused was when Da On willingly left the building and got into Su Hyeon’s car just to avoid Seong Hyeon. This scene was weirdly constructed and contradictory. They were really clear Da On wanted to have nothing to do with Su Hyeon… but then he put himself in the position to be with him alone with no valid external reason.

I also lowered my rating from a perfect 10 to 9.5 because of that presentation. That scene was more psychotic than anything Jae Min did in the whole show. After being kidnapped and almost killed, witnessing the man he loves stabbed, having his face smeared with blood… He went and did the presentation. What the actual fuck.

That said, except for these two moments, while his actions were frustrating, they were cohesive, they made sense in the context of the show and who he was as a character, they were believable. I will die on this hill if needed, but I do believe Da On was not a weak person nor weak character. And here comes the compliments for Kim Jun Seo’s acting. I cannot believe this was his first role. To be able to present so much vulnerability and deep emotions, while also showing determination and strength. The duality!

Then we have the toxic and the psycho - Su Hyeon and Jae Min. Can we appreciate that we got two completely different and distinctive versions of different abusive relationships thanks to these characters? We really got a deep dive on what can go wrong between two people. Be it constant criticism and belittlement, psychical violence and intimidation, excessive jealousy and controlling behavior, lack of respect and boundaries that Su Hyeon presented, or lies and deception, emotional manipulation and gaslighting, unhealthy dependence and isolation that we saw with Jae Min. They are both toxic, they are both unhealthy, even if they are vastly different.

I know people love to have a soft spot for Su Hyeon, mostly because of his rather tough upbringing in a psychotic family and how he was not as aggressive in the flashbacks. I get it. But the fact is - there is nothing redeemable about him in the present timeline and I strongly believe even without Jae Min in the picture, he would still turn violent at some point. Why? Because from the start the issue was not Jae Min, but Su Hyeon’s complete lack of emotional maturity and emotional regulation. If it’s not Jae Min, he would snap because of his family. If not the family, he would snap if Da On would not be able to handle the constant micromanagement, jealousy and possessiveness. Su Hyeon does not know how to deal with negative emotions and frustration, they always lead to anger and aggression.

Yes, the flashbacks were great. I agree that the library scene with him pinning Da On on the desk and the chat about the ring was great. But putting it into the context of who his character is and how he behaved - this is way too little for me to see him as a right person for Da On. Or anyone if I must be honest. Maybe a “hot date” with a psychiatrist. Can he get better? Yes. But that would require a lot of work. To be honest, I did not want him to be redeemable, but the last episode changed my mind a little bit. I struggled with seeing what could possibly happen for me to believe he might change. But with how psychopathic Jae Min became, I think the shock of that situation could potentially be enough to make Su Hyeon do 180.

On the other hand I believe Jae Min cannot get better. The difference for me between Su Hyeon and Jae Min is why they act the way they do. Su Hyeon had bad tendencies that were reinforced by his environment - he learned a lot of negative actions from his aggressive father. As far as I see it, Jae Min’s natural negative tendencies were actually held back by his environment. The advantages of acting good and not going full psycho were strong enough to keep him in check. Let’s be honest, if he grew up in the same environment that Su Hyeon did, by university age he would be a serial killer.

And that’s when I knew the one that kidnapped Da On was Jae Min. Because it’s not something Su Hyeon would be capable of doing. Not that he wouldn’t want to, he just couldn’t. Su Hyeon would never go full psycho, because he still has many things that limit him and things he fears - especially his family and his father. He acted out as much as he could with the external restrictions he had.

On the other hand the only restrictions Jae Min had were the ones he placed on himself. He acted as this model teacher, great friend, cool hyung - perfect man, because it was advantageous for him. He controlled himself, because it was worth it. But when he lost control over Da On, keeping that perfect persona was useless, he let go of all the restrictions he placed on himself, and now nothing was stopping him from going full loco.

And when Jae Min went full loco, he truly did not hold back. What glorious moments these were. I am amazed with Kim Ho Young’s acting. You watch him act and you understand why people believed his fake personality. But you also truly see how out of control he is when the hell breaks loose. Whenever it was his nice act, or the chaotic outburst - they were acted perfectly.

Cha Jung Woo did not do worse. Truth to be told, the whole cast did an amazing job. Kim Su Hyeon was such an annoying character, and yet even I saw the charm he had during some scenes. I could understand why Da On fell for him. And the last episode? Outstanding.

While these character had many differences there was one thing that they had in common - they wanted to own Da On, claiming they love him. Love and obsession are different though. Neither of them truly cared about Da On, his feelings, happiness, life, well-being. All that mattered was to possess him. They both believed it would be better to have him in their life broken (or dead), than set him free. From the start they kept using terms like “What I want”, “What I lost” - indicating they saw Da On not as a person, but as a thing they wanted to possess.

And that’s when Seong Hyeon shows up. And you know what I love about this character? That he makes mistakes. That he is not in fact this perfect green flag with no flaws. He is a human being with his own feelings that also get hurt. He sometimes reacted emotionally, childish even. And that’s what made him real. Because of these moments when he acted more selfish, when he did something without thinking - that’s what made his character more interesting.

While he had a lot of great personality traits like being helpful, kind, patient, mature when dealing with setting boundaries, and confident, he also had many relatable flaws. He was childish and pity when he thought someone was not following certain social norms he deemed important. Sometimes he regretted saying something, sometimes he regretted taking actions. And then at times he regretted backing off.

One of the aspects of his character I found the most fascinating was his ability to be really flexible in his reactions and behaviors. Depending on the external context, he reacted differently to the situation, but it was all consistent with his motivations and goals. He was more straightforward with Da On when he saw he was in a good “state”, he tried to distract Da On instead if he saw he was exhausted. Even without understanding the reasons behind Da On’s state, he was really good at reading his emotions and acting accordingly.

What separates him from Jae Min and Su Hyeon is the fact he knows how to love and how to receive love. How to care for people and receive that help. How to view relationships as mutual support and not transactions. For Seong Hyeon it is not “I want”, but “Can I?”. Can I stay with you? Can I hold your hand? While Jae Min and Su Hyeon try to control Da On, Seong Hyeon gives Da On the choice. He asks instead of stating. While Jae Min and Su Hyeon said they want to be with Da On, Seong Hyeon asks if he can stay with Da On. Yes, he is persistent in his approach, but there is something gentle about it. Rather than forcing himself and his presence, it seems more like a reassurance that he is willing to wait, to fight for Da On, to be there for him. Reminder that he is waiting and still there, whenever Da On is ready.

One thing I feel like Seong Hyeon and Su Hyeon share is the fact they are rather emotionally expressive. The difference? Seong Hyeon is expressive, but in control of his emotions and how he expresses them, while Su Hyeon is completely lost in his emotions and has no control over them. Then Jae Min is not expressive, but also in control of his emotions (until he is not… oops).

Here sadly comes one issue I had writing wise - the non-consensual kiss between him and Da On, and the aftermath of it. Truth to be told, I was not even “angry” at the writer for including the kiss. As I said, I love the fact that Seong Hyeon fucks up from time to time, and this was one of these cases. There was no excuse for that kiss to happen and then continue with Da On being this drunk. But while I can understand what led to it happening, the fact that it was not once addressed later on kind of annoyed me. He apologized for wrong things. It’s less a character fault, but more cultural norm fault though.

Now, Cha Sun Hyung’s acting. I still cannot get over how he switched from Puppy to Guard Dog depending on the scene. The way he was able to present that golden retriever energy, but without looking dumb and silly that often happens with characters like him. He still looked mature, strong and confident.

For the general writing, directing and editing:

I really liked the structure. I think the placement of the flashbacks was perfect. The way they were cut in just the right places to give some information, but also mislead us as viewers. The way they made it seem like Da On liked Jae Min in the past, just to reveal it was Su Hyeon. Or who Su Hyeon attacked and why. They just cut the scenes smartly. How much we want to show, how much we want to confuse the viewers - all seemed like deliberate choices, carefully crafted.

Was the “borderline childhood connection” needed? No. I honestly dislike that so much. This was just… unnecessary and added nothing to the show for me.

I’m not going to lie, I am more of the internal analyzer of the bigger picture and the context, than someone who looks for details and symbolism. So to truly appreciate the production, I had to do some research, because I simply do not pay that much attention to things that are in fact important.

Let’s start with the fact the drama was more or less color coded for specific characters (Da On - yellow, Su Hyeon - green, Jae Min - pink, Seong Hyeon - blue). The scenes for the characters were actually often light in a specific color hue. Even in the intro scene with Da On and Jae Min they used this peach pinkish hue, the scene where Su Hyeon attacked the guy with the bottle was yellowish-green. The color flipped only between Da On and Seong Hyeon. Da On’s narration had a blue background, and the scene between Seong Hyeon and Da On had the yellow/orange warm tone from the setting sun. Am I reading too much, or was it a deliberate choice to hint who the end game is? Who knows, I like to pretend it was all planned and hype myself more about why I love this drama.

Colors aside, they also really did a good job with just the lights and the warmth of it. Perfect example - the scene when Su Hyeon dragged Da On away to his apartment, leaving Seong Hyeon behind. The part of the corridor with Su Hyeon and Da On is cold and dark, while where Seong Hyeon is staning it has this warm orange light.

Then we have the symbolism of chess connected to Jae Min - how from the start it was hinted (for some less, for some more obvious), how he was the mastermind behind it all, how he manipulated both Su Hyeon and Da On for years. How he was the one controlling the situation.

Also, extremely random thought, but white is such a psychopath color, so the fact Jae Min was the only one wearing the white outfit in the intro is just cherry on top. And how it had a comeback when he completely lost his marbles in the last episode. Greatly appreciated.

Overall, what a fucking ride. I get it. This drama had flaws. It was not some high budget production, but the way it won my heart is illogical. One could say I was in a completely toxic and dependent relationship with it for the past month. I’m Da On - blind to flaws the same way he was blind to all these red flags.

[hiddenfolk]

I feel like the fan-theory that Jimmy was the one to kill Daisuke and pushed the blame onto Swansea kind of misses the point a little tbh

See, Swansea and Daisuke's relationship is a direct parallel to Jimmy and post-crash Curly's relationship. In the same way as Swansea holds direct responsibility for Daisuke, Jimmy is directly responsible for Curly- in fact we repeatedly see him willingly and intentionally PLACING himself in a position of responsibility over Curly, participating in his care and going out of his way to hunt down Anya to ask her if he's taken his meds yet and giving them to him. While Anya may be triggered by administering meds to Curly, it IS mentioned that she can and does do it offscreen. She could theoretically handle the entirety of Curly's care alone without Jimmy, yet Jimmy CHOOSES to look after Curly. I feel like Jimmy performs sympathy and care towards Curly, in order to assuage his own feelings of guilt- yes he's irreversibly scarred and hurt him, but look! He's being extra special nice to him to make up for it!

Now I don't think it's necessarily fair to Curly, to have others decide whether he lives or dies on his behalf- but by the 5 month mark I think it's fairly clear death was inevitable for all of them. Whatever resources they have are exhausted, they only have a few months of oxygen left, and even if rescue attempts started now, they literally could not survive to see them. Death was pretty much inevitable- the choice was a fast or slow death. Anya seemed to recognise this- she left a gun by Curly's bedside after all. With her death, he no longer had a primary caregiver that was equipped to take care of his complex medical needs and 24/7 care, or meds to blunt the pain. Without Anya around, the responsibility for Curly's care now entirely transfers to Jimmy.

Swansea killed Daisuke because he recognised that they weren't equipped to take care of him. When the choice was between him suffering a slow and painful death or a quick painless one, he chose to spare Daisuke the pain. Yet as soon as Curly became Jimmy's sole responsibility, Jimmy categorically fails to prioritise Curly's comfort. He's left alone in the medbay beside Anya's dead body, carted around and treated like a doll in a fucked up birthday party, further mutilated, and then placed in a cryopod, that as many have pointed out, doesn’t guarantee he'll be found, and may in fact end up resulting in a slow painful death in 20 years. Every single time Jimmy's had a chance to shorten or lessen Curly's suffering he's failed to take it. Jimmy performs sympathy but he doesn't truly care about Curly- that's why he never even considers killing him, and why he never even considers mercy-killing Daisuke, even after condemning him to a slow painful death. His desire to play hero and fix things takes priority over everyone else's wellbeing- and they're the ones who are forced to suffer for it.

Jimmy being the one to kill Daisuke would require a level of perspective on the situation and compassion for others suffering that he categorically lacks. We can see through how Jimmy treats Curly that he cannot cope with the idea that his actions caused a death, because of the guilt. Thats the horror of Jimmy- not that he secretly killed Daisuke, but that he wouldn't.

[oddlittlestories]

I love Monk. I’m not really recommending it because, well, it IS about police and it DOES have some fairly ableist content. But I love it.

Monk is an interesting character. He’s introduced as having an “anxiety disorder” that occurred from the traumatic event of his wife being murdered. Over the course of the show, it becomes pretty clear that he was neurodivergent his whole life, but had a serious spike in support needs after his wife’s death. He has one nurse, but he should pretty clearly have two—even if one is a part-time respite nurse. Many of his “boundary violations” obviously come from seeking needed support at inappropriate times. This man should not really be left alone, at least not at the start of the show. He can’t cope. But also getting a new nurse / assistant / I forget the specific word is very very difficult for him.

He’s billed, I believe, as having OCD. But if you just look at his behavior, there are several labels that could fit. Autism would probably be one of them.

A lot of the humor in the show revolves around his disability, which could and may to some feel like the show makes his disability the butt of the joke. With some notable exceptions (fuck you medication episode) I don’t really think this is the case.

Let’s look at the pilot. Sharona, his nurse, goes on a date and leaves him alone on “chicken pot pie night.” She tells him, you’ll be fine! Even my son could cook a chicken pot pie. He cannot cook a chicken pot pie. He is counting out individual peas. To me, this is funny because of how obvious it is that he needs more support.

He literally calls her son for help. This is hilarious because it obviously wasn’t her intention, but her son is actually walking Monk through how to make a chicken pot pie. The literalism - that Benjy really CAN help him cook a chicken pot pie - is funny to me.

I’m also very interested in how the show interacts with both work and the police. Monk is not capable of working full-time, and although he desperately wants to go back at first, eventually he accepts that as a consultant, he can have the flexibility he needs to still find murderers.

The police officers he works with often feel threatened and embarrassed by him, but at the same time need his talents. Jealousy comes up often. And since the main officers are at least duly sympathetic, this gets explored as awful instead of brushed off as campy villainy from antagonists.

I also really like the way gaze is used in the show. Monk comes onto a crime scene and others watch as he makes a bunch of pronouncements, struggles with one anxiety or another, gets support from his nurse, and then explains his pronouncements. I like that it seems like folks are disturbed by his need for support, but that the show frames the support as a positive thing and the anxiety itself as a struggle.

Monk is also a person. He loved his wife. He plays the clarinet. He doesn’t have much time to pursue hobbies or interests outside of managing his disability and doing the work which he loves and seems compelled to do in equal measure. But he IS a person.

Anyways I’m not necessarily saying go out and watch it. It has many flaws and it is ableist at times, and it doesn’t bother to fully unpack how the people in Monk’s life respond to him, nor always to explore his agency and individuality. He is a fussy and fastidious detective, which is a common archetype, but they don’t always go as far beyond that as they should.

Like I said, it’s not House. But I’m gonna probably rewatch all of it now that it’s on Netflix.

[nebbyy]

I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING

(this is a rant of mine that CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR ASRA'S ROUTE IN THE ARCANA, so read at your own risk)

So, Asra right? My first love interest in the game, the person that basically built my ideal type,.. him.

It is common knowledge in this fandom that his love for the MC is completely unending end unconditional, right?

Well, I might disagree.

This idea came to my mind a few days ago, and from then on I spent my days contemplating life in despair and depression at my realization.

Asra's love IS FUCKED UP and I think it is more of an addiction to the MC rather than pure, unconditional love.

Let me elaborate: first he loses his parents, then he finds Muriel but he still lives in fear of losing him every time he had to fight in the Arena, then he had you, who for about 6 years had stayed by his side, with no signs of leaving anytime soon.

He wanted you all to himself, the only thing that remained stable in his life. That is, until the plague. That's the time where the selfishness of the purpose of his actions really comes to light: he wants everything and everyone to be just as he wants.

I mean, let's face it, no matter how much he might have pleaded and begged you to come with him and leave the city, he still left you there, alone, risking your life,... just so that he could be safe. Screw where you were, he was sure that at the end of it all, you would've still been there, waiting for him.

Because out of all the people in his life, you were the only one that never left

But it all changes when Julian's letter reaches him, and he comes back to Vesuvia. And you're gone.

I really think that his grief was mostly due to the loss of something stable in his life, rather than the lost of the love of his life.

After all, it didn't take long for him to start a relationship with Julian, and I don't care if some might say that it's some sort of coping mechanism, if Asra was able to do it all while still working to get you back, hitting it with Julian knowing that he was gonna have you back soon... that's just fucked up.

Also, his protective tendencies when MC comes back are rather possessive in my opinion: he keeps you like a trophy inside the shop, while he keeps wandering around the world, fulfilling his own selfish desire to visit as much as he can, while still keeping you in your cozy place, inside the castle.

That is also the whole point of the Reversed Ending of his route, that he could consider his own happy ending: he has you, all to himself, forever.

I think that the best side of Asra comes out when you play the other routes, because he has to come to term with his own issues and with the fact that at this point he cannot keep you to himself anymore. And with time he'll come to realize that what he feels for you is more of a spiritual connection, probably thanks to your own aura and magic, rather than a real romantic connection.

That's it, thanks for coming to my ted talk babes

[cherryblossomforest]

My dad contacted me after I told him not to, I didn't stay on the phone. I told him I had to go but again he doesn't respect my boundaries. Suddenly he's saying "he can't just leave me" and yeah dpmo.

This year in April will be 10 years since I left my mother's house to live with him, in these 10 years I've heard countless times how he's going to try and work on being a better dad. How he's going to do better. How I deserve better. It's a loop and he just ends up being the same and you know what? We do deserve better. We don't deserve his crap anymore. His lack of accountability. All he does is blame my mother as if he's not my father. I'm not doing it anymore. It's way too painful and the relationship is not worth it.

So I sent him a message, pretty upset, telling him to leave me alone and that his feelings are no longer my responsibility. His neglect was a choice and he had time. I'm tired of him messing with my feelings, one minute promising the best and then completely refusing to do anything or acknowledge his fuck ups. It's not fair. As a child in the midst of the pain I had to endure I always tried to reach out for his help and he never did. He always told me I'd understand when I'm older and I'm now 3 years from 30 still wondering why? There's no reason. His rejection, neglect and abuse has nothing to do with me and cannot be explained. There's no understanding.

Because I get my love for music from him and we tend to communicate our feelings through music I ended the message with a song. So he really knows. I also told him it shouldn't be hard for him since he has a track record of leaving me to cope alone.

He replied:

Ok. I understand.

So yeah, that's my dad. Lyrics under the cut.

Why do you cry? We had time.... But you won't try You've made your choice Now live it Guess it's just a shame now Shame now, shame I don't wanna play, no, play no games It's too late now to fix it It's more than just a break now Break now, break It's just a little late now Late now, late now, late now, late If it's over for me Then it's over for you Now that we're done I don't care what you do You made a choice and you seem confused... But I just don't understand why you're playing a fool Why Do you cry? We had time... But you won't try... I try to see your pain from ten thousand angles And I have seen your face from ten thousand angles I try to see your pain from ten thousand angles And I have seen your face from ten thousand angles I won't see Oh, why? I won't need Oh, why? How are you in pain? Trust me... I'm trying to perceive it Trying to believe it But how are you in pain? Trust me... I'm trying to perceive it Trying to believe it How are you in pain...?

[petercaths]

top 5 Jate moments?

Alright, you said you wanted the long format of this answer so here it goes.

1. Airport scene.

If I every Jate scene was in a burning building and I could only save one, it’d be this one without a doubt. The tension, the stakes, the angst. It’s so devastating to see a dynamic born out of loyalty turn into something so dark and ugly because of those very same devices.

Jack and Kate will always need to be connected through everything, and they will always love each other despite anything, and that leads to terrible consequences. And we see this in this moment. Jack is broken, and seeing him this way is breaking Kate. But Jack is calling because he needs Kate to listen and to understand him; and Kate is answering because she loves Jack and she cannot leave him. And they just end up hurting each other the more for it.

I also think the scene provides a great insight into their life together, and what was at stake in their break up. Kate’s anger on behalf of Aaron feels so raw, and it really puts into perspective just how much Jack fucked up in walking away. They were raising a child together, they were going to get married, they were building a family, and he fucking left her like a week after proposing. He completely switched the trajectory of her life, her plans, what she wanted for them and herself, and she was left alone to rebuild— with a child asking where the man who has been tucking him in bed for the last three years is. She is the one who needs to carry the crash and burn of their relationship; she is the one who still lives in the house that literally holds the memories of their life together; she is the one who still sleeps on their bed (fun fact, she canonically sleeps on his side of the bed post-break up!).

And then we have the mention of the pills, another great insight into what their time together was like, and the suggestion that Kate was all too aware that something lurked darker in their dynamic, but she wanted to ignore it because she just wanted Jack.

Ugh, idk this scene is just so sad and full of regret and anger and disappointment and want. There is so much want in this scene.

2. Break up scene.

I. Fucking. Love. This. Scene.

I think one of the things that draws me so much to Jate is— as stated above— how something born out of very pure and genuinely feelings can become so distorted and ugly and dark. And one thing about Jack and Kate’s break up scene, is that it’s a fucking dark moment. Everything from the acting, to the dialogue, to the framing conveys it. It’s meant to be their doom.

I mean, look at this and tells me your stomach doesn’t literally drop at the sight. This shot is devastating and it makes me soooooo angry, I want to jump into the screen and beat the shit out of Jack, I want to give Kate a hug and then help her throw his beaten up body out the door, and maybe cry with her a little.

The acting choice here, Kate clawing at Aaron because she can’t watch Jack walk away. Again, their doom, absolutely devastating.

Jack could detonate 10 more nukes to try and set things right, but he will never be able to correct this moment. He will never be able to take the things he said back. He will never be able to forgive himself for this. This is the image that haunts him and set him down such a dark path. This very moment is the thing he’s been fearing of becoming his whole life.

And I just love how it emphasize Jack and Kate’s fatal flaw, and what makes them so wrong (but also so right ??) for each other; their inability to let things go. It’s a very obvious conclusion to come to with Jack, he is literally not able to leave well enough alone when Kate is telling him too. But it’s shown in Kate too, because Kate also has a tough time cutting her losses, and she cannot let go of Jack.

The scene shows this is probably not the first time she’s come home to Jack coping with his issues in a blatantly bad way; and even when she’s telling him to ‘leave,’ she’s asking him to figure it out, to get it together so he can come back and be the man he needs to be to raise Aaron. To Kate, their good will alway outweighs their bad; however miserable they can make each other at times, pales in comparison to the happiness she feel when they’re together.

Ugh, I honestly have so much I can say about this scene, let’s move on.

3. Proposal

This scene is just, soooooo beautiful and happy and bittersweet and just, so THEM. Like , this is literally such a Jate proposal— him waking her up in the middle of the night because he just can’t fucking help himself he needs to do this now. It’s like their most romantic moments always come because they can’t help it. Them hugging each other after she says yes, clinging to each other; Kate is so relieved, Jack is so tormented, and all these feelings coexist with the pure bliss at the idea that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Jack needing Kate’s reassurance over Aaron because he doesn’t want to fail her, and in many ways the proposal itself is Kate’s reassurance that she has Jack and he’s not going anywhere (boy is she wrong).

Also, the concept of the proposal is just so funny to me— imagine your presumably rich doctor boyfriend wakes you up , from what looked like a pleasant sleep, in a lowkey irritated voice because he needs to get this thing over with now. I would’ve told him to try again in the morning and gone back to sleep!

But alas, just beautiful scene and as outwardly romantic as we’ll ever get with these two.

4. Because I love you.

Much like the proposal scene, it’s so sudden because Jack just can’t fucking help himself. But it’s also just so so so beautiful, and well acted. And it’s so tender, and the suddenness of it makes it so intimate. And it’s so simple and so them, because at the end of the day, what IS Jate if not to people who simply fucking love each other. Who just do things because they love each other. I think it speaks to the lighter side of their dynamic; when their connection can be tormenting at times, their love for each other isn’t.

And it also comes just at the right time for me. Something in their dynamic is broken, Kate has lost faith in her connection with Jack, and Jack says it because fuck he has to get it out and if he does, then maybe it’ll fix something between them. And then thing is, it does. Kate gets confidence in that she knows Jack, and Jack loves her, and suddenly everything pales in comparison to that knowledge; juliet, sawyer, the handcuffs waiting for her, it doesn’t matter, it’s not enough to keep from Jack.

5. First meeting.

I just think it’s such an excellent introduction to their characters. A lot of season 1 is the backbone to the intensity of Jack and Kate’s dynamic; especially that first meeting, because it’s brought back several, at crucial moments in their lives. Jack expressing his terror, Kate needing comfort and drawing from a person she views as pure strength. The importance of counting and letting the fear in, how it really guides a lot of Kate’s journey in s1 and how much that moment inspires her. The light joking amidst all the disaster; Kate finding someone who believes in her after years of not having that, Jack finding someone to confide when he needs it the most.

Jack’s if you wouldn’t mind when he’s asking her to sew him up and Kate’s response, of course I will is so soft and just like, idk how to put it into words but it’s like she’s being drawn to him by that softness, by the simplicity in his voice, by his own longing for help. It’s like they’re both letting go of the breath they were holding and somehow it moves them together. Idk im not good with imagery though.

And then the impossibility of what he’s asking in that moment, which only grows as their connection deepens. And how Kate’s response in some from there on is always the same as that first time, of course I will how could I not.

Jack: If you wouldn’t mind, will you marry me?

Kate: Of course I will, yes.

Jack: If you wouldn’t mind, will you believe in me?

Kate: Of course I will, yes.

AND THAT IS THE END OF MY SUPER LONG RESPONSE TO A SUPER SIMPLE QUESTION.