#because I was an adult and he was a minor when we met so I’d rather die and also that’s my best friends partner like god no I’d never but

[tiredsadpeach]

Hahaha

[clairewritesjjkxreader]

Sukuna’s Wife and Yuuji’s Onee-chan (Sukuna x Reincarnated!Y/N) au headcanons

Other snippets of this au

Yuuji’s Onee-chan Random HCs

You never worried about Yuuji’s social life, because he was like the sun, the type of guy to attract all sorts of people. He was kind and polite and defended others from injustice. However, you were never attached to any of the friends he hung out with from kindergarten to high school; not until you met Megumi and Nobara. 

You would get along with Megumi, who has a soft spot for older sister types because of his own sister. He respects your opinion a lot and you love how he protected Yuuji. 

Nobara took a liking to you instantly. Much like Megumi, she sees you as an older sister and often goes to you for advice or just to rant. She looks up to you as a role model, but secretly in your heart, you wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t emulate you, because while she and the others were selfless and would sacrifice their lives for the greater good, you were the opposite. You would sacrifice everybody else for your baby brother.

You owe a debt of gratitude to Satoru Gojo. He shielded Yuuji from harm and provided you two with a safe haven. That being said, you didn’t like him. You didn’t doubt his compassion, but he seemed duplicitous, not to mention it bothered you how a grown man insisted on treating minors as his friends.*

You despised Ryomen Sukuna. If not for him, Yuuji wouldn’t be on death row. He claims that he is your husband, but you don’t even know what he looks like–when you “saw” him, he overtook Yuuji and marred his skin with black tattoos,** a sickening grin in place of a sweet smile. You will never forget it. You will never forgive him.

…So you thought, but ever since Yuuji’s possession, you began having odd dreams of old Japan, filled with scenes in a manor so large and grand it reminded you of imperial palaces in period pieces. Sometimes you’d be outside. Bright red maple leaves fell like snow around you, the mild, woody scent of cypress was ever present. Sometimes you'd see a familiar childlike silhouette that morphed into a kitten.

Regardless of where you were, a faceless man was always there, towering above you.

With the reveal of sorcery and curses, you suspected that these dreams were not mere dreams…

[1] Canonically, we know that there is more to Gojo than this, and you have no idea about the despicable things I’d let him do to me–but I’m writing these based on what Yuuji’s protective big sister would think. Frankly, as someone with younger underage siblings, I would be worried too if their adult teacher spent their free time hanging out with them. 

[2] I believe that in-universe, the characters can’t tell when Sukuna is the one actively using the body of his host and that the shift in visuals is just for the benefit of the audience. However, Y/N here sees the changes: tattoos, four eyes, etc.

@shadowywizardarcade @hannya-exists @nineooooo @lilachaeyo @pumpkindudeishere @jessbeinme15 @fluffy-koalala @cringeycookies @frogzxch @isimpfordanielpark @marvelsgirl4ever @sanzusmom @sheccidoscar @marvelsgirl4ever

A/N: Sorry for the late update. Been busy. Decided to write this while waiting for my resin to refill.

[strangererotica]

EXPLICIT CONTENT | MINORS DNI

Stepdad!Hopper x Reader • age gap (reader is 21, Hop’s in his 40’s) • angst, mutual pining, masturbation mentioned, troubled marriage, Hopper is a pervert wracked with guilt aka my favorite kind of Hopper… 🤪

You wiggled on Hopper’s lap, causing him to stifle a groan. God you were beautiful. So fucking pretty and sweet, using his lap to sit in while you did your makeup at the dresser mirror.

“Thanks for the boost, by the way,” you told him, smiling at his serious reflection in the glass. “I’m too short for this dresser, I swear.” You giggled, patting your cheeks with a rosy blush. “If it weren’t for you, I’d be stretching on my tiptoes just to put my makeup on.”

Hopper swallowed back another groan as you adjusted on his lap. “But with you in this chair, and me on your lap-” You finished slicking your lips with a cherry-flavored gloss, and popped them. “-We make a great team, don’t we?”

Hopper forced a polite smile back at you, struggling internally. He shouldn’t be enjoying this so much, or doing it at all. You were so trusting of him, so naive in many ways. Even though you were an adult now, Hopper was aware of the fact that you had next to no experience with boys. He wasn’t doing anything wrong right now, by letting you sit on his lap…not technically. But because of the feelings he’d secretly had for you, for awhile now, even the most innocent gestures Hopper made toward you felt taboo…

When he’d met your mother, you’d just turned nineteen. And without an older, stable male figure in your life, you became attached to Hopper quickly. After marrying your mother the following year, Hopper hoped you’d finally begin dating, forming relationships with boys your age. But now, at twenty-one years old, you still insisted on designating Hopper the only man in your life.

He hadn’t minded, at first. Not when his relationship with your mother was going well, when she and Hopper were still being intimate together. But things had soured between them over the last six months or so, to the point that now, Hopper couldn’t remember the last time he and his wife had made love. There never seemed to be any interest on her part, leading Hopper to wonder sometimes if perhaps she were having her sexual needs met by another man?

With the tension in his marriage at a peak and its intimacy completely evaporated, Hopper found his desires traveling elsewhere in the home. He hated himself for it, despised the way he came almost daily to the thought of having you…but the woman you’d become was a temptation too great for Hopper to ignore.

Seeing you every morning, moving about the house in just your pajama shorts and a tank top like it was nothing, Hopper realized how disgusting he’d truly become. You obviously trusted him, just as you had for years, enough to prance around him half naked and think nothing of it. This realization only added to Hopper’s guilt, making him hate himself a little more each time he masturbated with your body in mind.

“There,” you said, capping your mascara and placing it on the dresser. “All done. What do you think?” You fanned your fingers around your face and batted your lashes dramatically, smiling at Hopper’s reflection.

“Beautiful,” he replied; and from the almost reverent sincerity in Hopper’s tone, you knew he meant it.

You slid off his lap, his hands immediately moving to your hips to steady you as you dismounted. Hopper rose from the chair, turning aside so you wouldn’t see him discreetly adjust himself in his pants.

He sighed with relief, feeling as if he’d passed some kind of test. “Hey,” he said. “You really do look great, kid. But-.” Hopper moved his finger to boop your powdered nose. “-Who’s all this for, anyway? You gettin’ all dolled up just for the hell of it?”

You glanced down at the floor, a blush warming your cheeks beneath the makeup. “I…uh,” you stammered bashfully. “I have a date.”

Hopper’s eyebrows lifted, his lips parting in surprise. “A date?” he asked, before quickly softening the accidental sharpness in his voice. “Oh. Who’s the lucky guy?”

There was a pause before you answered Hopper, and he found it a bit strange that you didn’t answer him right away. Maybe you were just shy, he wondered? This was the first date Hopper had ever known you to have, in the two years he’d known you. Maybe the situation was so new, you didn’t know how to talk about it casually?

“Uh, just a guy from work,” you explained. “You’d like him, he’s funny. But serious too, when he needs to be.” You bit your glossy bottom lip, chuckling. “He kinda reminds me of you, Hop.”

Your stepdad’s eyebrow quirked curiously, as if he doubted your sincerity. “Hmm,” he muttered. “You meeting this guy somewhere?”

“At the new mall they just built, yeah,” you replied, checking your look again in the mirror. “We’ll probably see a movie, or something.”

Hopper nodded, another polite smile once again fixed onto his face. “Well, be safe,” he told you, and gently squeezed your shoulder before heading for the door.

“Just, one more thing,” Hopper said, lingering in your doorway. “What’s this kid’s name, anyway?”

You froze outwardly, but your mind was scrambling for a response. “Jack,” you blurted. “His name’s Jack. He’s a nice guy, really.”

Hopper’s brow was creased in ‘detective mode,’ a familiar expression for him, but one you rarely saw directed at yourself. He nodded silently as he exited your room, patting the doorframe on his way out. You watched Hopper leave, exhaling the knot of tension you’d been holding.

“Like I said,” he called from the hallway as he walked away. “Be safe.”

Be safe. A sentiment that struck you as both ironic and unnecessary, as you observed your made-up reflection in the mirror…the mirror you could easily access, without having to strain. You hadn’t needed Hopper’s lap to boost you; you wanted him to be there. The innocence you feigned around your stepfather was as fake as your date for the evening, Jack.

The truth, which as always is more complicated than fiction, was that you’d been in love with Hopper for awhile now. You weren’t as naive as he (and your mother) thought you were. What you lacked in actual life experience, you made up for in observing others. And as you began to see problems in your mother and Hopper’s marriage arise, you watched each crack form on the surface with a growing interest.

Although Hopper didn’t realize it, your choosing him as the only man in your life was not an accident. You didn’t want anyone else; you wanted him. Tonight had been a test, to gauge his reaction to you actually having a date for once. And from the way Hopper had reacted, his change of tone, his sudden and deliberate need for details, you were convinced that jealousy was at play in his response.

Reaching for your bag, you checked to make sure you had your car keys and enough cash on you for a movie ticket and some popcorn. You’d go to the mall and see a movie, just as you’d told Hopper, minus a date…

…or at least, you thought you’d be going alone. You didn’t notice, as you exited the driveway and drove through the streets of Hawkins, that another (very familiar) vehicle was discreetly following a few cars behind you.

Hopper wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to see, with his own eyes, the boy you’d suddenly, uncharacteristically, made the choice to go out with. The expression ‘know your enemy,’ may have been resting at the back of Hopper’s mind as he followed you to the mall; but more accurately, Hopper was hoping to know his competition…

PART TWO

[mynameismckenziemae]

A Little Bit Stronger

Part 5

(previous part here, next part here)

Bradley Rooster Bradshaw x OFC

Summary: Your feelings for Bradley get deeper as the time passes.

Just like everything else I write/post: this story is for 18+ only. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. It will contain smut, adult themes, situations and language. Please also note this story may be triggering due to the topic of domestic abuse (physical, emotional, sexual) violence-feel free to message me with any questions before reading.

Warnings: Smut, oversharing, dry humping, dirty talk, etc.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

You call Reese while you change into something more comfortable to let her know the good news. By the time you make it downstairs, Bradley’s already outside.

He’s already got a beer for you waiting while he tosses a ball for Hank from his chair.

You don’t miss the way his gaze lingers on your bare legs as you cross them.

Instead of asking about the divorce, he asks you about your parents and growing up. In turn, he tells you about Carole and Goose and losing them both so young. You learn more about the people you met last weekend at the party, how Reese’s in-laws were like second parents to him growing him, and how Ice, Penny, and Mav all stepped up too.

“You’re telling me I met the admiral and didn’t even realize it?” Your eyes widen as you try to remember your introduction, hoping you didn’t make a fool of yourself.

“Yeah,” he laughs, “Sorry, I should’ve told you, but I didn’t want to make you more nervous. He’s unintentionally intimidating as is.”

“Just a little,” you say, remembering how true that was.

“He’s extremely observant too; never let me get away with anything when I was a teenager; always saw right through it when I’d lie to my mom.”

“Maybe you’re just a bad liar,” you tease.

He smiles and shrugs, “You’re not wrong, Andy was much better at thinking on the fly to get out of trouble when we were younger.”

The conversation takes a turn toward what it was like growing up with Reese’s late husband. Your heart breaks when he tells you about how it was more than losing his best friend but losing his brother too.

“…and then,” he laughs without mirth before taking a heavy drink of beer, “I kissed his wife on the first anniversary of his death. We were both drunk, like…really drunk. Reese was such a mess that night; I’d never seen her like that. She’s always been so put-together, even with having a baby. But she had just stopped breastfeeding Drew and was so thin from all the stress. She was crying because she missed Andy, crying and saying it was a good thing she never wanted to date again because who would want someone that looked like her? And that just killed me. Andy would’ve hated her talking about herself like that…so I kissed her.”

“What did she do?” You ask, curiously; knowing grief is fickle.

“Kissed me back,” he sighs, “it was like 10 seconds. I came to my senses and pulled away. Then she laughed,” he chuckles, “and I started to cry. I don’t see her that way at all. Sure, she’s a beautiful woman but…no,” he scrunches his nose in disgust, making you smile. “God, I still feel bad about it. She and I have never talked about it since.”

“I wouldn’t beat yourself up over it,” you reply, “and from what I’ve heard about Andy from you and Reese? He wouldn’t either. Grief makes you do things you normally wouldn’t. Like staying in an abusive relationship.”

“That’s different,” he argues, handing you a third beer.

“Not really,” you sigh, “I’d taken care of countless abused women in the ER, begged them to get help, testified in court against their abusers, but when it started happening to me? I did nothing, I was numb from the grief of losing my family and it was like he knew…he knew could get away with it when I was already down.”

“But you did do something,” he argues, “you did leave him.”

You nod, “Should’ve done it sooner, but I did.”

“Cheers to that,” he nods, clinking his bottle to yours. “So what are you gonna do now as a single woman? Go on a blind date? Or to that beach he always said was too far?”

“Maybe go to New York City, or spend a week at the spa and come back knocked-out pretty,” you smile as you quote George Strait too.

“You don’t need a week at the spa for that,” he replies before taking a long pull of his beer.

You give him a small smile before looking away, hiding the heat that rises to your face at his compliment.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

“I think I should eat something before I fall asleep,” you mumble after finishing your 5th beer, well past tipsy and feeling good, “or I’m not gonna regret it in the morning.”

“I ordered pizza a few minutes ago,” Bradley smiles as he holds up his phone, “remember? I asked you what you like?”

“Oh.” You snort and shake your head. “Okay, yeah I remember now. God, I love pizza.”

He laughs, “You said that too.”

“That’s what I’m gonna do now that I’m single, eat lots of pizza, ice cream, cake, drink beer. I really do want to take a vacation too. Oh, and I decided I’m gonna order a vibrator…”

Bradley chokes on his drink but you fail to notice.

“I heard good things about a rose one? I don’t know, I’ll have to do some research first. There’s so many options. Maybe I’ll get more than one. Hey, are you okay?” You smack a sputtering Bradley on the back a few times.

“Thanks,” he wheezes, “I’m good, I think the pizzas here.”

“I can get it-whoa,” you stand up a bit too quickly but he’s there, steadying you gently by your arm.

“Thanks,” you look up into those deep brown eyes. You don’t stop your hand from reaching up to cup his jaw to run your thumb over the scars there, “You’re so…”

Beautiful, charming, funny, sweet, kind, patient…

You don’t say any of that though, and instead rock up on your tiptoes for a kiss just as he begins to lean in too.

But Hank starts barking at the doorbell when your lips are a just hairsbreadth away, startling you both.

“I’ll just…” Bradley nearly trips as he steps away, hitting his heel on the leg of the chair, “go get that.”

“Uh yeah, okay,” you say, tucking your hair behind your ear. “I’ll just be out here?”

“Sounds good,” you nod, sitting back down as your heart races in your chest.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

Neither of you brings up the near kiss again. Not that night, not in the weeks that follow, nor when summer turns into fall and fall turns into early winter.

There hasn’t been another word or sighting of Chad and you find yourself hopeful that he might actually leave you alone for good. You also start seeing a therapist once a week and begin to feel like you’re starting to heal.

While still on the lookout for an apartment, you haven’t had any luck; not that you’re truly trying that hard.

Living with Bradley feels like home; more than the last one ever did.

Not only does he keep the house clean and treat Hank like he would his own; but he also does small things; things that make your tummy flutter. Like having your favorite ice cream always stocked in the freezer and bringing home a plant a few days after hearing you mention to Reese you were thinking of getting one.

You’ve gone out with Reese and Jake more times than you can count and out to a movie alone once or twice. You’ve even been included on Drew and Bradley’s boys' night “as long as you don’t tell my mom.”

It almost feels like you’re dating without the intimacy.

But you want the intimacy. You want the sex. Hearing Bradley getting off to the thought of you had awakened the libido you thought no longer existed.

It’s like he knows it too; mowing the lawn without a shirt, groaning loudly while lifting weights, sending heated glances your way when you stretch after a run, letting his hand linger on your lower back when he passes you in the kitchen.

While you were completely mortified at your drunk self for telling Bradley, you still ordered a vibrator the next day.

And have used it nearly every day in the 5 months since.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

Finished with work early on a rainy Friday afternoon, you change and walk through the bathroom to hit the treadmill in an attempt to wear yourself out before you wear out the batteries.

It doesn’t work.

You’re just as horny as you were before but now you’re tired and your right hamstring is spasming.

“Shae?” Bradley calls from the front door, “You here?”

“Yeah,” you try to keep your voice even as the back of your leg tightens further, “I’m up here. Just work-fuck! Working out.”

“Are you okay?” You heat him set down his keys and hurry up the stairs.

“Fine,” you grit out, “just a leg cramp.”

He stops by the door, eyes widening at the sight of you lying on the floor, clad in only a sports bra and tight short shorts. Your eyes do a perusal of their own, catching the dog tags lying against his white undershirt, his flight suit unzipped and tied loosely around his waist.

He looks so fucking good.

“Here,” his voice is low and husky as he kneels beside you, “try to straighten your leg.”

Your breath hitches as you feel his big, calloused hands on your thigh and ankle as he tries to help.

“Good,” he praises as your leg shakes but eventually straightens, “‘atta girl.”

Oh God.

You close your eyes as you whimper, nipples straining against the thin material of your sports bra while your pussy pulses with need.

“I know it hurts, just try to relax,” he murmurs, gently putting pressure on the ball of your foot, “you can take it, just let me stretch you.”

“Fuck,” you breathe, arousal soaking your shorts as you picture him saying those same words in a much different context.

“Here,” he says as he shifts, “put your leg up here. Yeah, like that,” he hums as you prop your ankle on his shoulder, and he leans forward, “That feel good?”

When you open your eyes he’s mere inches from your face. He’s studying your face, looking for any sign of discomfort. But the only discomfort you feel now is between your legs.

“So good,” you whisper hoarsely. His eyes meet yours and darken in realization.

You let your leg fall from his shoulder as your fingers find his dog tags, toying with them before gripping them tightly.

Your head lifts as he drops, lips almost meeting in the middle.

He softly brushes your lips over yours; once, twice before claiming them in a kiss. He’s gentle, a little tentative at first, giving you a chance to stop this.

But you don’t want to stop.

Instead, you nip his lower lip, releasing him when he shivers. He sets his hand beside your head, caging you between his strong arms. When you tug on the tags still in your hand, he takes the hint.

The constant noise in your brain quiets as he claims your lips. It could be minutes, it could be hours that pass as months of longing and tension are poured into the kiss the two of you share.

Finally…yet, you want more.

He must be thinking the same since he shifts as you pull; both gasping when he lands in the cradle of your hips.

Your eyes widen in realization as you feel him hot and hard against where you want him most.

“That’s…” you trail off when he gently thrusts, his flight suit shifting lower on his hips so the thin cotton of his boxerbriefs and your shorts separate you, “That’s why you’re called Rooster.”

He chuckles lowly by your ear while angling his hips so you feel all of him.

Yep. That’s why he’s called Rooster.

His mustache brushes the sensitive skin of your neck, and his breath catches as you wrap your legs around his waist.

A moan escapes as you break from his hips to get more air, yet you tighten the hold your legs have on him before guiding him over your clit faster and faster.

“Wait-wai-fuck,” he’s trying to say something into your neck but doesn’t fight your rhythm, instead leaning into it and giving up with a sweet, defeated sigh.

You’re lightheaded from it all; his clean-sweet and jet-fuel smell, the sounds you’re pulling from him, his ruddy-red cheeks, the building pleasure between your thighs.

“I-, I’m-,” you pant, unable to form the words as you approach the edge.

“I know,” he nods into your neck, sounding wrecked as he sloppily kisses your neck, “I know, sweetheart. Me too.”

You gasp softly, hands tightening in his hair as you shudder through your release, vaguely registering Bradley’s low groan in your ear as his cock twitches as he coats the of his boxer briefs.

He presses a quick kiss to your forehead before rolling beside you. His hand finds yours as you both catch your breath.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

Unease and embarrassment at your behavior begin to creep in with the quiet until Bradley breaks the rising tension.

“That was…really hot,” he laughs but then cringes, “and embarrassingly fast.

You can’t help but laugh too, “It’s okay. I liked it.”

“I really like you, Shae,” he turns his head to smile at you.

“I-“ you hesitate, but then remember the conversation with your therapist earlier this week about him.

“I like him,” you admit, “but it’s…isn’t it too soon?”

“That I can’t say,” she replies, “but what I can say is you’re doing everything you should be; seeking help to work through this, taking care of yourself, no longer blaming yourself for the abuse, and you also you started grieving marriage long before it was officially over.”

You nod. It’s true; you knew it was over the first time he hit you.

“Only you can decide if it’s too soon and if you’re ready,” she smiles kindly, “but don’t hold yourself back. You deserve to be happy.”

You take a deep breath.

“I like you too.”

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

A/N: so…we find out a little bit more about Bradley in this chapter and the story behind what happened when he and Reese shared a grief-induced kiss. Also drunk Shae spilling all her secrets is 💯 me lol.

It took a few months but they finally kissed…and more 😏 pretty sure I could have an orgasm just from Bradley talking like that, even if it was just to help with a leg cramp haha.

As always, any interaction is appreciated but I LOVE hearing what you think in the comments/reblogs! Seriously, feedback helps me more than anything.

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[gretavanlace]

Sugar II (part 3)

18+ plus only! Minors do not interact!

Warnings: adult themes, angst, discussions of alcohol consumption, etc

Thank you all so much for your patience while I was out of town…I love you and never intentionally keep you waiting! You’re my babies!! ❤️❤️

“Why am I always the last to know everything?” Sam slips into Josh’s dressing room, shirtless and as always, slapping along on two bare feet “Is it because I’m the youngest, or are you just an asshole?”

In contrast to his brother, Josh drips in beaded satin; glitter swept deftly across his eyes; rhinestones grabbing at the light until he winks and flashes like a star against its midnight sky.

No one would expect anything less. He is always the first to be found wandering the hallowed arena halls, made up and shining like old Hollywood royalty. It soothes him…a lullaby masquerading as expensively tailored glitz. You used to help him…zipping up jumpsuits he could have easily secured himself, fussing over his hair, lint rolling velvet, laughing and chattering away to keep his mind off that unforgiving anxiety of his. They are memories he cherishes and thinks of nearly every time he primps.

They each have their rituals - Daniel bangs around on a kit until his arms are loose and his mind is buzzing with adrenaline. Sam terrorizes the crew and his brothers with his trusty four-legged sidekick, shaking off the jitters with hijinks. And Jake scrutinizes his gear meticulously, checking the work of techs and roadies who definitely know what they’re doing. He usually finds something to pick apart anyway. It sharpens his focus and quiets his mind.

Josh steps into costume and becomes someone else. Someone he often doesn’t recognize…who is this person with such charisma and grace? He who commands the attention of crowd after crowd roaring and shaking the rafters? He who is worthy of such primal, hungry fervor?

That is how he finds the spotlight night after night. While the others do their own things, Josh quietly dresses and becomes someone, something, else.

And so, draped in his finery, he watches Sam through the mirror as he flops into a chair, all legs and attitude. “By all means, Samuel, make yourself at home.”

“Were you even going to tell me that she’s here? She always liked me best, you know? She was just too sweet to mention it to you idiots.”

Josh turns with a chorus of clattering glass beads, and leans back against the vanity, arms folded “One, I haven’t even seen you since I found out, so you’ll forgive me. Two, I knew Daniel would break his fucking neck to be the first to tell you,” He shrugs, “figured I’d let him have his moment.”

Popping open a White Claw, Sam ignores his brother's carping in favor of a question “You see her yet?”

“Yes,” Josh turns back to his reflection, patting a fingertip lightly over his eye makeup.

Never in possession of any patience to speak of - the baby of the family rarely is - Sam immediately prods him along. “And?”

He’s met with a sigh, “And what? I went to see her, we caught up for a little while, and then I left. That was that.”

“I went to see her,” there’s a mocking, obnoxious quality to Sam’s tone as he parrots Josh “we caught up for a while and then I— would you shut up? What happened? How is she?”

“She’s...I don’t know. She’s herself and not herself. She looked sad.” The revelation comes with a sadness of its own. “She’s getting married, so she shouldn’t have looked so damn miserable...but she did, and I hated it. It almost made me wish I hadn’t even knocked on her door.”

“I’m usually sad when you knock on my door, too.” Sam deadpans, attempting to lighten the mood at least a little.

“Must you lie, Samuel? You’re stricken with joy when I enter a room, just like everybody else.”

“Christ,” Sam mutters, tossing Josh a white claw to match his own, “I swear, if you could suck your own dick, you would.”

Josh cracks it open and slurps with a dramatic flourish, “Obviously.”

“Why do you think she looks so miserable?” Sam is pondering, turning something over in his mind with worry evident in his eyes.

“Probably because she knows she’ll likely have to see you. That’d be my guess, anyway.”

Josh is disguising his own knotted up stomach with humor. Sammy knows it, and chooses to ignore the dig.

They settle into their drinks until Sam speaks up once again, “She’s getting married? That’s just…” he quiets, unsure and still bristling with concern, “How are you gonna tell him? You gotta wait until after the show, that’s for sure.”

For once in his life, Josh has been rendered temporarily speechless, and that answers the question just fine.

“Are you serious?” Sam leans forward, elbows on his knobby knees, “You can’t be serious.”

“How am I going to tell him?” Now they’re just lobbing questions back and forth at one another. “You can’t be serious!”

Sam’s eyes widen, shocked and hurting for Jake in his absence. It would almost be comical if the situation could lend itself to anything other than this crushing weight, “We have to tell him, Josh. This isn’t okay. He has the right to—“

Suddenly, Josh pushes away from the vanity and the energy radiating from him shifts until he looks nearly frantic, “He has the right to what, Sam? To know? To see her? Have you lost your fucking mind? Put him in a room with her and we’re right back where we started. Three years progress,” his fingers snap harshly, “Poof! gone in a goddamn second.”

Matching his energy, Sam is on his feet in an instant, “Progress? Now whose lost his fucking mind? What progress are we talking about here, Josh? Because from where I’m standing, he’s made none. For his twin you’re remarkably ignorant.”

“I’m not ignorant,” this is bad, especially right before they’re expected to perform. They both know it, but on they march. “I know him backwards and forwards, Sammy, so just fucking listen to me for once. She stays in the past for him and that’s just the way it’s gonna be, end of discussion.”

“She stays in his past, or yours?” Sam counters, sizing his eldest brother up as though he can see right through him.

Shoulders slumped, Josh shakes the venom in Sammy’s accusation off “That isn’t fair.”

“I don’t give a shit. Answer the question.”

Sometimes, Sam readies for battle in a manner that always comes as a shock no matter how many times they’ve seen it happen. When he sheds that goofball demeanor in favor of a game face, it hardly seems real.

He is fierce in his love and loyalty to those he holds close, and tonight, Jacob has earned his favor.

“This isn’t about me, I promise you that.” The truth rings out clear in Josh’s vow. “I loved her once, I love her still, just differently now. I couldn’t do that to him. Not ever. The way he loved her canceled me out a long time ago.”

“Loves her.” Sam corrects, with a finger pointed at his brother to drive home his point.

“All the more reason to keep your mouth shut.” Josh’s timbre is threatening in a way it almost never is. It sounds and feels strange…out of place. “She’s getting fucking married, do you really think he can handle that? Use your fucking head, Sam. Leave it alone.”

Hand on the door handle, Sam watches Josh as if he’d very much like to hurt him, “Who are you to decide what he can and can’t handle?”

~

The show is their worst in their collective memory since their days as greenhorns, though it’s doubtful the fans have taken notice. Each mishap is small and easily disguised, but present all the same. They are unsteady and off-kilter, but only Jake is oblivious as to why.

He snaps a string, misses a mark, foils a riff or two. Josh falls flat and overcompensates, vibrato ringing out sharp. Sam refuses to look in his eldest’s brother’s direction, leaving them detached and removed in an unsettling way. Danny is on point from a technical standpoint, but robotic…their chemistry has vanished tonight and they can all feel it.

The moment they stalk off stage, Sam is clamoring for Jake’s attention as Josh fights to intercept.

Most nights, they’ll filter off into their respective solitude for a time to bask in the quiet before the noise of the bus. Tonight, Sam follows Jake, and Josh follows Sam.

“Jake,” Sam jogs along, easily closing the distance his brother has gained ahead of him with those lanky legs of his. “Hold up, I need to talk to you.”

“It can wait.” Jake is on a mission, clearly in a hurry to close a door and shut out the world. To find a bottle and make love to the whiskey inside it.

“No, it can’t because—“

“He said it can wait, Sam.”

Josh’s admonishment, and the viciousness it’s crackling with, is what turns Jake around. It makes no sense for his twin to be this hostile over something so innocuous; over some random conversation Sam would like to have that doesn’t even involve him.

He turns to find Josh’s glare burning murderously in Sam’s direction. The air emanating from him is in such dramatic contrast to the sunny ray of entertaining light that has just been beaming around the stage, and immediately, Jake senses the urgency of the moment.

On his part, Josh feels the switch flip inside his twin and knows that they’re about to head into dangerous territory. Fucking Sam.

“What?” Jake is furiously fumbling with his hair, shoving sweat soaked snarls away from his face, suddenly overstimulated and on edge. “What is it?”

Sammy speaks up, fighting to be heard clearly as crew members dart around and rush by in a flurry of tasks. “She’s here. Well, not here, but at the hotel.”

Defeated, Josh admits his loss with a quiet “God damn it, Sam.”

Jake somehow manages to catch it over the din and he knows. Or at least, he thinks he knows. He can feel it coming off of Josh like ghostly fingers stretching out to claw at his chest. Still, he doesn’t quite understand, the pieces are just this shy from falling into place.

“Who?” His query is tentative…filled with hopefulness and also a strange terror. A fear he’s only ever felt once before, when, helpless and shattered, he had to watch you say goodbye. A torturous longing only you can evoke.

Sam’s lips part to speak, but Josh shoves past him, grabbing Jake by the arm with black beads shaking about on his shoulders. “No one. Go shower. Have a drink.”

Somehow, Josh’s grip tells Jake everything. All that feverish panic seeps into the fabric of his jacket, somehow chilling his flesh with its burn. “She’s here?” His entire body is rattling with frenetic energy and he wonders if he might crumple to the ground and spark like a downed power line if Josh were to let go of him.

“Jake,” his name is a coddling whisper on his twin's lips, “Leave. Now. C’mon, I’ll go with you. You know what’s best, I know you do.”

As it turns out, Jake doesn’t hit the ground like a live wire, because when he shoves Josh off, his footing is sure. “How did you know she was here? You knew? And you weren’t gonna fucking tell me? Have you seen her?”

Ashamed, and afraid of what’s to come, Josh remains silently stoic under his brother’s eager and furious scrutiny.

“I said, have you fucking seen her?” Now Jake’s body is vibrating with a fury so out of control it’s threatening to boil over and scald anyone in its path.

Suddenly, Danny appears as though summoned by the gods of intervention, as he so often seems to be. He steps in, tugging Jake away from his brothers while staring daggers at Sam.

Sam never fucking thinks…or is he the only one who is actually thinking clearly this time around?

“Come on,” Jake is stumbling around on his feet to keep up with a much larger Daniel, as he drags him along to his dressing room.

It feels like a fever dream when at last he pushes Jake into a chair before shutting their brothers out with a door slammed in their faces.

“Look,” he finds a seat in front of Jake and places a hand on his bouncing knee. “You’ve got to calm down and think for a minute. Do you really want to see her? I mean…”

He isn’t given the chance to finish his sentence, because nothing any of them can say will matter anyway.

“Take me to her.” Neither of them could have any way of knowing that Jake’s plea mirrors the one you had struggled to swallow down in Danny’s arms.

“I don’t know where she is.” He speaks in honesty, and Jacob can sense that.

“Find out.” He rises to his feet and straightens his back, resolved and ready to fight for this. Ready to fight for you. “Josh knows, that fuck. Go find out.”

“Alright,” Daniel nods because what’s to be done now? What’s to pointlessly fight? “Shower in here. I’ll go talk to him.”

~

You’re mindlessly staring at the television screen, gaze blurring and focusing in and out as some chef with a lovely accent you can’t seem to place tosses ingredients round a hissing wok.

The entire room is awash in the scent of the shower you’ve just wept your way through, and the robe you’re swaddled in feels stiff and scratchy. You should change, you know, but you haven’t the energy. Better to lie here uncomfortable and twisted up in aching sadness, that old friend of yours whom you’ve denied for far too long.

Lie to yourself all you want. Shove it inside a box and lock it up tight with chains and latches until it rusts shut, but that throbbing agony will wait patiently for you. Never losing focus, ever vigilant for the moment it can blast its way back into your broken heart.

How you’ll ever rise and put on a professional face for brunch in the morning is a cipher you don’t care to decode tonight.

He’s all you can think of; memories of him. Loneliness for him. The need, so real and palpable. It’s as if you can smell him on your skin though he hasn’t swept his fingers across it in years.

Years? How is that even possible? It seems laughable that you’ve managed so long without him. It seems impossible. A nightmare that you’ve been muddling through.

When the knock sounds out, clipped and sure, at your door, you’re tempted to ignore it - and you even give it a go, but it comes again along with a cheery greeting “Room service!”

You haven’t ordered room service at all, but there stands a smart looking hotel employee, dressed to the hilt in his crisp uniform, waiting patiently beside a cart, when you peer through the peep-hole.

Tightening that terrible robe, you crack open the door, readying to let him know he’s made a mistake, when a hand darts out to push several folded up bills into the server’s hand.

Stunned and struck silent, you manage only to stare as Jake gives thanks and sends him on his way, eyes never straying from your face.

He reaches for you instinctively, but thinks better of it and drops those hands you know so well to his sides, flexing them as if to shake the need to touch you away.

Instead, he opts to offer a soft smile and a gentle joke “Hey, sugar, how’d we get to this place where I’ve got to pay off hotel employees to knock on your door for me, hmm?”

“I—“ You give your head a tiny shake, begging the thoughts rattling around inside it to make sense.

He looks so different. His hair is shorter, and he’s filled out, thickened in a way that makes your throat constrict for all you’ve missed. He’s as beautiful as ever. Alluring and changed, but still just him. Familiar and breathtaking. Perfect and right. Yours. But yours no longer.

Strangely, it’s what he’s wearing that makes you weakest and a little unsteady. He’s dressed in tattered sweats and a beaten up t-shirt. Thrashed vans that were stark white in another life, and damp hair, clearly brushed in a hurry. You love this so much more than if he’d strutted back into your life dressed to the nines. You’d hate to think he’d forgotten you enough to think that sort of thing might impress you.

“Are you gonna invite me in or should I just stand out here in the hallway all night watching you?”

A laugh, breathy and dumbfounded, huffs out of you. You remember the first time he’d said those words to you, and surely he does too. Was that a calculated effort on his part? To remind you of where you’ve been together? Of who you were together?

It’s an awful, self-destructive idea, inviting him in, and you know it is, you do. But when he steps into the room, you can smell him and the fist that has been cruelly clenched around your heart for countless days and nights, relaxes and finally, finally, you can breathe.

The door closes with a click and he’s suddenly so close you could taste his breath if you closed your eyes and allowed yourself to sink into it.

“Hi, pretty girl,” He hushes, and you wish his mouth was pressed against your ear so you could secret that quiet greeting away and live on it for the rest of your days.

All that white-hot closeness morphs into a hug. He’s hiding behind the platonic gesture, and so are you, but he can feel it, the way your body tenses and then melts against his own.

He feels as if he might disintegrate into a puddle of blackened anguish if he ever has to let you go, forever staining the horrendous hotel flooring where you once stood like an ethereal phantom sent to mend his heart. But a hideous reminder of where you once existed in this room with him for a few precious moments.

His hands have touched too many bodies to count since he last held you, but he has felt nothing until this moment.

No, he loathes the thought of letting you go, but he pulls back anyway, readying to let you lead this interaction. Alas, his palms find your cheeks all on their own, cupping the beautiful face he’s bartered with the devil for, that he’s prayed to god for, that he’s raged and begged for.

“My girl,” he wonders, like you can’t possibly be real. “My fucking girl.”

Your hands are molded over his, how did that happen? And then he’s releasing your face in order to lace your fingers together…he longs to touch you everywhere, but that isn’t okay any longer, is it? So he’s desperate for a way to latch onto you innocently.

He feels it then, and holds fast when you try to pull your hand away. Gaze - gorgeous honey swirling with caramel and horror - locked in on yours, he turns your hand to inspect the ring perched there like a weapon sent to destroy him.

Taglist: @gretasintrees @greta-van-chaos @celestialfauna @s0livagant @groggyvanfleet @kiszkathecook @brokenbellz @llightmyllovee @doodle417 @seventieswhore @jake-kiszkas-smirk @weightofdreams-gvf @imdepressedaf1996 @alisonwonderland29 @gretavanfleas @gretavangroove @profitofthedune @jakesgrapejuice @sparrowofthedawn @xserenax-13 @tbagggvf @obetrolncocktails @jakeslovehandles @poofyloofy @70sgroupielovr @heatmyfleet @age-of-nyahh @sammiboo162 @gretasmokerising @spicedandicedtea @jakekiszkasleftnutsack @saoirsemaeve @mywickeddivinity @thelvnternskeeper @paintmyhouse @tripthelightfandomtastic @tripthelight-fanfic @mckenna4 @sarakay-gvf @theweightofjake @thewritingbeforesunrise @joshsmama @sammysvanfeet @rhythm-of-space @jordie-gvf-admin @calumspretty @sad1lynn @demolitionndann @gvfpal @starcatcher-jake

[jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka]

Sorry this took me a while to update again, but I am pretty happy with how this one turned out. Without further ado, part 5!

Pairings: Jake Kiszka X Danny Wagner **slash

Warnings and tags: 18+ only!! Minors not for you! Adult content including: insecurity, some body image issues, going through difficult feelings, very light smut including: flirty touches, kissing and more kissing, dad Jake AU, uncle Danny AU

Word count: 6k

**Quick message after the cut

[A/n: I’d just like to preface this chapter by saying that men should always feel validated if struggling with self and body image issues. I do not believe or suggest that Jake should feel any sort of way about his beautiful, beautiful body. The feelings referred to in this chapter are that of basically an OC and their purpose is not to shame anyone but instead to focus on how difficult it can be to take care of yourself and be a parent. That being said, the remainder of this story will not focus on this insecurity. Quick shout out to Trust Me, Darling for all of the complicated emotions untangled there]

Jake tried to keep his focus at Wednesday afternoon’s practice, but when his roaming eyes flicked over to the bleachers and he saw a now familiar form sitting there, he couldn’t help but let a smile warm his face.

“Come on girls! One more time and then your parents should be here to pick you up!” Jake shouted at the youngins running across the field with their soccer balls. Some of them were more entertained by running with their friends, some preferred to kick the grass rather than the ball, but a few of the girls were actually starting to really get the hang of it. It felt good to watch them successfully get the ball from point A to the goal, even if they weren’t quite ready to advance to scoring and blocking yet.

He waited until everyone except Emma had been picked up, trying to ignore his bubbling excitement as Danny approached from behind.

“Are we walking you home today little miss Emma?” Jake asked, taking the whole ignoring Danny a step further.

“No, my uncle is here to get me” she replied matter-of-factly, making Jake chuckle as he finally turned to face him.

“I don’t know, I think maybe we should make sure you guys get home safe” Jake continued, gathering his backpack after shoving all the balls back into the sports bag.

“You still don’t trust me?” Danny asked, faking sounding hurt as he scooped the bag up from underneath Jake’s hand and tossed it over his shoulder, silently offering to carry it just like he had the first time they’d met. Only this time Jake willingly let him.

“Actually, I’m glad you don’t mind walking with us because I have a favor to ask you” Danny continued as they started off as a group down the neighborhood.

“A favor?” Jake raised his brows. Since when had they gotten on those terms? He didn’t know, and honestly didn’t care, but he was curious to see what Danny wanted from him.

“Friend of Rudy’s came by the shop yesterday. We got to talking and he told me he had this old acoustic he was looking at selling. Says it needs some TLC, but he cut me a good deal since I worked at the shop” Danny spoke, continuously keeping his eyes ahead on the carefree girls who walked in front of them, making their stroll slower than it needed to be but much appreciated nonetheless. “My sister told me you’re quite the guitar expert, was wondering if you wouldn’t mind helping me get it back in good condition?”

“Your sister flatters me” Jake replied, wondering once again how often he was the subject of their conversation. “What are we talking? Change of strings? Tuning? I can do small body repairs but to keep the integrity I might have to refer you to someone else for any major work”.

“I’ve got it at the house if you want to come take a look? Promised Emma I'd take her to a bookstore so yesterday we killed two birds with one stone. She got her books and I got my guitar”.

Jake scratched his chin and nodded his head “I suppose I can do that”. Danny didn’t know it yet, but in Jake terms agreeing to do a favor like this meant he would actually put his whole heart into the project. He wasn’t too busy at work for the time being, so besides practice he should have plenty of time to work on it for him.

“I wasn’t sure if I would see you today” Jake continued, looking down at his feet and kicking a pebble over to the kids who giggled and started kicking it down the sidewalk on their own.

“I know, I said I’d be patient, but I got excited when I picked up the guitar. Left work early today so I could offer to pick Emma up” Danny revealed, his own shy smile gracing his lips as he spared one look in Jake’s direction.

“You could have just called me. Who knows I might’ve been able to talk you out of buying it if it’s a piece of junk”.

Danny chuckled, making a mental note that Jake was basically giving him the green light to reach out to him whenever he wanted.

“Can I show Luna my new books?” Emma asked Jake once they reached their front porch.

“Sure, but Luna we’re not staying long. We still have to go home and eat dinner before bed time”.

“Ok Daddy!” The kids took off first down the hallway, disappearing into Emma’s room while Danny led Jake further.

“You okay?” Danny asked when he sensed Jake’s sudden trepidation.

“Yeah, I’ve just never been back this far before” he replied, quickening his pace to catch up. Jake had never had a reason to visit the guest bedroom before, but now here he was following Danny through the door.

For some reason he’d expected to see something different inside; posters across the wall, maybe a messy bed, something that fit the image of the rouge younger brother Danny put off. Instead it looked like any typical guest bedroom, plain walls, a muted blue duvet spread neatly across the queen size mattress that Jake couldn’t help but wonder how much room Danny’s form took up on it at night.

His eyes continued to scan across the room, settling on a small stack of books laying in a neat pile next to a crumpled up pack of cigarettes on top of the dresser to the right. Jake turned to ask Danny about his reading habits, but his words hung in his mouth when he saw Danny to the left. The closet door was open and he stood with his back to Jake as he peeled his shirt off and tossed it into the basket inside.

“Sorry!” He quickly turned back around, trying to hide the blush that crept across his face after just that one look. Danny was slim that you could easily tell, but shirtless you see just how brawny he really was, especially in his shoulders and arms.

“Sorry, didn’t have a chance to change after work, was dying to get out of that dirty shirt. Am I making you uncomfortable?” Danny asked, genuine concern in his voice like he hadn’t even considered the idea that Jake would get flustered if he quickly changed.

“No, I just-” Jake’s voice trailed off, too embarrassed to admit that he liked what he’d seen a little too much, but glanced over again anyways. He was relieved to see Danny had a new shirt on, albeit it was barely a shirt with the sleeves cut off and the arm holes torn open to the point it barely clung to his chest anymore.

“Is that it?” He pointed over to the black guitar shaped case he saw sitting in the corner of that side of the room, purposely changing the subject so he wouldn’t have to continue his train of thought.

“Umm, yeah” Danny moved to collect it off the floor and placed the case gently on the bed so he could open it up and give Jake a peek. “It’s nothing fancy, but I’m hoping with a little fixing up she’ll sing”.

“No, this is a nice model”. Jake picked up the instrument, feeling the familiar weight in his hands and examining the body. It was in good shape, few scratches on the back, but no cracks or warping. “Oh yeah, this will be easy”.

“Great! So how much will I owe you?”

Jake laid the guitar back into the case and secured the latches on the sides. “Don’t worry about it, but I do expect this to make us even” he turned to joking to mask how nervous he really was as he grabbed the handle and let the case come to rest down by his side.

“Oh, right, we’re good” Danny chuckled as he rubbed the back of his arm. Actually he’d much prefer to continue to have a way to persuade Jake to hang out, but since he’d seemed a lot more willing recently maybe he didn’t need much of a reason anynore. That was a comforting thought, hopefully it meant he was doing something right.

“When do you want it done by? I should have everything I need at home so I could probably have it ready by the weekend…” Jake trailed off, hoping Danny remembered their previous agreement to see each other this weekend.

“No rush, but this weekend sounds good. I cleared my calendar” Danny replied, dropping the hint that he only had one big plan, and that was spending as much time as Jake as he’d allow him.

“Ok, well I will see you then?” He started to excuse himself, but just before he could turn back towards the door Danny called out to him.

“Wait! One more thing”.

A steady hand came to rest on Jake’s waist, tugging him back as another hand cupped his jaw and pulled him into an unexpected kiss. It took a bit for Jake’s mind to catch up and compute what was happening, but moments later his lips were softening and he was allowing himself to kiss Danny back.

“Is this okay?” Danny questioned, not pulling away just yet but wanting to check in and make sure Jake didn’t want to punch him in the face right now.

“Yeah,” Jake’s breath came out hot against his lips, his tongue darting out to lick at them and bring Jake’s taste further into his mouth, “yeah this is okay”.

“Good” Danny’s lips pulled into a relieved smile next, “because I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time”.

Jake let his free hand that wasn’t still gripping onto the guitar case for dear life reach around to the back of Danny’s head and guided him down until they were connecting again, Jake sighing into the kiss this time. “Me too”.

When Jake got home he felt like he was in a daze the rest of the evening. Thankfully school and practice had tired Luna out quite a bit, so after dinner and some reading time she fell asleep right in Jake’s arms on the couch and he carried her off to bed.

Normally he’d be more than ready to lay down and relax until his own tiredness caught up to him and pulled him into sleep, but he fidgeted around in the bathroom for a while after his shower trying to keep his mind occupied with anything other than Danny.

With his nails trimmed, face cleanly shaven, a random gray hair he’d never noticed before plucked straight from the top of his scalp, and even some facial moisturizer on, he finally gave in and crawled into bed.

Of course the first thing on his mind was how it felt to kiss Danny for the first time. He’d been so nervous for no reason. It felt warm, and comforting, and his lips still tingled from the memory as he grazed his fingertips over their sensitive nerve endings.

It was good, nothing earth shattering but that was more than okay, because good meant he could feel again, and his feelings were coming crashing down onto him like a heavy weight settling onto his chest. Just as vivid as the kiss, he remembered that glance at Danny shirtless. Attraction was there, clearly after Monday night’s activity Jake couldn’t deny anymore that he was into Danny. Insecurity crept in between the cracks in his thoughts though, cracks that had formed over the years of being alone and growing older.

Jake had never been the overly confident type. He knew he was good looking of course, but he couldn’t help but pick out little things he could improve on and compared himself to others- especially when he practically had a carbon copy walking around that he grew more and more different from day by day.

The way his hair frizzed when he broke into a sweat, the slant in his septum he’d finally gotten fixed last year after years of being annoyed by it, the shuffle of his feet when he was tired and didn’t realize he wasn’t picking them up. They were all hardly significant things others didn’t seem to notice or care about, but Jake scolded himself anyways. And now, having seen Danny’s near perfect form, he found himself comparing again.

Would Danny have the same awestruck reaction when seeing him shirtless for the first time? Or would he be disappointed?

Jake forced the thoughts out of his head and turned onto his side, wrapping his arms around his heavy chest and squeezing his eyes shut. It was just his inner subconscious working against himself. He had to fight those feelings because he knew they were wrong and would only hold him back. He was done holding back. This was his chance to relearn to love again, and in being loved, return to loving himself once more.

“Bad news Jakey, all the flights are canceled. Well maybe not all, but ours for sure” Josh’s voice spoke over the cell phone speaker since both of Jake’s hands were a little busy with restringing Danny’s guitar when he called.

“Oh shit, what are you guys going to do?” Jake replied, trying to split his focus. “They can’t get you on another flight?”

“Yeah they can… tomorrow” Josh chuckled defeatedly. Jake could tell he was frustrated, but also what are you really supposed to do in situations like these. “It’s just a shame we already checked out of the resort. I wouldn’t mind staying in Palm Springs another night if we hadn’t”.

“Yeah, yeah, very romantic engagement getaway. We get it” Jake teased back, just trying to keep the mood light. “So you’re coming home tomorrow then?”

“Late tomorrow night. They told us we could show up to the airport and try to leave early but I don’t want to take anyone else’s chances away. We’re not in any hurry. I don't have to be back at work until Monday anyways”.

Jake hummed his understanding, eyebrows pinching at the center as he concentrated on pushing a particularly stubborn bridge pin out.

“Anyways, I was calling to see how my Lun-bug is doing? Is she excited for summer?”

“She’s excited, though I don’t think she realizes how boring it will be to stay home with dad almost every day for two months. She says she just wants to stay up late and sleep in”. It was easy for Jake to talk about his daughter to Josh, both of his brothers really were great uncles, but Josh did tend to go above and beyond to vie for her affection.

“Seems she’s got her priorities straight!” Josh wholeheartedly laughed. “Oh to be five with no cares in the world”.

“Umm, five and three quarters” Jake corrected him the same way Luna corrected everyone else, causing his brother to laugh again.

“Well, that’s the update. I know how badly you were dying to take us out to congratulate us, but unfortunately we will be late to the party” Josh sighed once the amusement wore off.

“I was not planning on taking you out” Jake scoffed, shaking his head at Josh’s presumptuous premise. “I’m busy this weekend” he let slip, knowing now Josh wouldn't actually be planning to hang up soon anymore.

“Busy?” Josh’s voice raised in pitch, obviously asking for more details.

“Danny and I are… hanging out”. It felt weird to phrase it that way, but neither of them had discussed any specific plans other than wanting to see each other, and now that Josh was going to be almost two days delayed in coming home he knew he couldn’t ask him to watch Luna. Not that he needed a babysitter, right?

Danny was exceptionally good with the kids, at least from all he’d seen, but it wouldn’t be much of a date with Luna tagging along. He certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable testing any waters while she was around just yet. Though she was familiar with Danny already, growing up all she ever knew was her Dad so to suddenly bring someone else into their life, Jake certainly wasn’t ready for that big a step.

“So this Danny guy has stuck around? You haven’t kicked him to the curb yet?”

“Don’t make it sound like I’m an asshole” Jake grumbled. Just because he hadn't been trying as hard to find someone as Josh thought he should’ve been, didn’t mean he hadn’t been trying at all.

“But you are kind of an asshole” Josh replied, waiting for the rebuttal that never came.

“Yeah, you’re kind of right” Jake set the guitar down on the table he’d been working at and rubbed his eyes with hard pressure in his fingertips until he saw colorful blotches dancing around. “I don’t want to fuck this up. I think I really like him”.

“Well then don’t” Josh offered his bit of advice, “fight for it Jake. Don’t let the rest of the world get in the way. You deserve this”.

Jake let his brother's words sink in, it was nothing he didn’t already know, but hearing it from his most trusted other half made it finally start to stick. He inhaled a grounding breath and reopened his eyes. “I’m happy for you Josh. You deserve it too”.

“Thanks Jakey” he replied softly, some slight strain in his voice now. “Okay, I’m gonna hang up now before I start getting emotional. Since when did we become such sappy sentimentals?”

“Speak for yourself” Jake huffed a strained laugh of his own, knowing full well Josh could sense his torrent of emotions stirring just under the surface. “I’ll let you go now, got to figure out what to cook for dinner soon”.

“Alright, I’ll talk to you later, and I want to meet your new friend soon! You can’t keep mystery guy all to yourself forever”.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that”. Jake picked up his phone and hit the red end call button before Josh could pester him any further.

He was right though, Danny was a bit of a mystery. Maybe that’s why he was becoming more drawn in each time he saw him. Introducing Danny to his brothers would have to come eventually, but for now he needed more time alone with this enigmatic man to figure out what it was about him that was breaking Jake out of his shell.

“Luna! What do you want for dinner?” Jake called as he made his way through the living room and into the kitchen. His brain was too preoccupied to put together a whole meal, so instead he let the toddler pick which meant they ended up eating grilled chicken, peas, and macaroni- could’ve been worse.

Both of their plates were cleared and Jake let Luna stand on a stool at the sink to help wash the dishes, glad she was still young enough to find dunking the pans and plates in soapy water entertaining as he scrubbed and dried.

After her bedtime story Jake got Luna settled down for the night and went back to work on the guitar for a bit longer before calling it and getting ready for bed himself. Tomorrow was Friday, which meant all he had to do was make it through one more day of work and the weekend would be here.

Friday turned out to be a terrible day. Everything that could possibly go wrong seemed to be hitting one right after another. First there were problems with tax forms which were annoying and tedious to fix, but needed to be done immediately. Then Jake had to step in and take over for the festival planning since that team in charge of that was terribly behind. They had quite a few artists at a local festival agree to donate a portion of their profits to the foundation, in exchange they were in charge of having a booth at the festival.

Jake hated festival planning. There were always so many working parts and extra people to manage, strict schedules to adhere to, and extra hours of work associated with all of that, so he usually handed them off to others. At the end of the day though, he was still responsible for ensuring everything involving the midwest branch was running smoothly, which is why he was a little bit peeved that they had waited until Friday to ask for his help.

“Alright, start sending out those memos. Attach the schedule and band list. Monday morning I expect a recap of response” Jake finished up with his final instruction as he packed his work laptop in his weekend bag. After hours of combing through everything with the team he was just about drained, but everyone seemed a lot more confident in what their role was in getting things back on track.

It was already a quarter after six when he loaded his things into the car and headed home. His phone rang, and he hit the answer call button from the screen on his dash just as he pulled up to a red light. “Hey! I am on my way now. Thank you so much for picking Luna up for me”. Jake answered the call, having text Emma’s parents asking if they could pick both the girls up from school since he had to stay late.

“No worries, I was actually calling to tell you Luna wanted to know if she could sleep over”. Emma’s mom replied.

Jake thought about it for a moment. Luna had never stayed anywhere overnight without him, but he knew she did well sleeping regardless of where they were so he wasn’t too worried about it.

“I really don’t mind. Those two keep themselves pretty entertained, and we ordered pizza when we got home so she’s already eaten” she continued, hoping to ease Jake’s mind.

“Okay, let me just run home and pack her a bag real quick and I’ll run it over?”

“Sounds good!”

As soon as he got home Jake dropped his laptop bag off on the kitchen table and headed into Launa’s room. He filled a backpack with pajamas, two changes of clothes just in case, her bear bear since he knew she wouldn’t go to bed without it, and grabbed an extra blanket from her stash just in case.

“Hi Daddy!” Luna exclaimed when he showed up to see her for a moment and make sure she still actually wanted to stay the night. “Want to come see our tent!”

“Tent?” Jake glanced over at Emma’s mom for clarification since the darkening clouds outside signaled it was going to rain soon. In fact there was a weather advisory out for flash floods this evening.

“It’s in Emma’s room” she chuckled, noticing his slight panic.

“Alright” he let Luna take his hand and drag him towards the room, rambling excitedly the whole way. “We had pizza for dinner but I gave Emma’s dad my ‘ronis cause I don’t like em”.

“Well I’m sure he appreciated that” he replied, centering his focus on her instead of letting his eyes wander further down the hallway.

In the middle of the room there was a princess tent large enough that the tiny toddler mattress from the bed fit perfectly inside. It was already packed with lots of stuffed animals, but Jake went ahead and unzipped Launa’s backpack to reveal her favorite.

“Bear bear!” She squealed, snatching it from his hands and crawling into the tent to place him perfectly in the middle.

Just like that Emma came running into her room and joined Luna in the tent, the two of them getting right back into playing whatever they had been before Jake arrived.

“See, I told you they’re fine” Emma’s mom backed out of the doorway so Jake could slip out. Before he could stop himself he glanced over to the room at the very end of the hallway, seeing the door closed. “Danny hasn’t been home yet today” she continued, cocking her eyebrow when Jake looked back at her pretending to be confused about why she was mentioning it. “I’ll tell him you stopped by” she offered as they made their way back towards the front of the house.

“Oh don’t worry about it. I have his number” Jake replied, suddenly feeling awkward about having looked for him. “Let me know if anything happens or if you need anything”.

“Go home, get some rest. I’ll take good care of her”.

Jake smiled and nodded, he believed her, Luna was in good hands. Now all that mattered was that he had the house entirely to himself for once in quite a while.

Once back at home, Jake heated up some leftovers but after just a few bites he decided he wasn’t hungry. He tidied up the kitchen since there was a little mess from this morning, taking the opportunity to thoroughly wipe down his coffee machine and organize all his mugs in the cabinet.

Afterwards he started a load of laundry, walking around the house and picking up stay articles of clothing Luna had left behind and tossing everything in the washer.

Only an hour had passed but the storm clouds outside made it look like night had already arrived. He debated getting his laptop out and checking emails, but after the day he’d had at work literally anything else sounded more appealing than that. He could have gone to bed early, gotten caught up on some much needed sleep, but a nagging feeling kept him from relaxing.

Eventually he ended up just sitting at the table in his office, staring at his phone laying there silent, not a single text or notification, debating if he should make this call or not. Deciding he was being ridiculous, he picked up the phone and found the contact, bringing the speaker to his ear as it rang a few times.

“Jake?” Danny finally answered, surprised to see his name come up across the screen.

“Are you busy?” Jake asked, trying to sound nonchalant when he knew Danny wasn’t just at home.

“No, just had to get out of there for a while” he answered, his voice trailing off as if there was something the matter.

Jake wanted to press it, but he bit back his worry and instead got to the reason why he’d called. “Your sister is watching the girls tonight. Did you…” Jake was fidgeting, shifting his weight in his chair uncomfortably, “did you want to come over?”

Danny’s voice softened at the offer, a slight taunt building behind his words, “you want me to come over?”

He was excited, but his question in return was also giving Jake the opportunity to truly consider what he was proposing. He was home alone, and he was inviting Danny, he had to know what that meant right? Danny hoped so, because he already knew he wouldn’t be able to behave.

“I mean, if you want to then yeah”.

“Okay, I’m on my way right now”.

Wherever Danny had gone off to, it must not have been far because within 10 minutes he was texting Jake back.

Come outside

8:12PM

Jake grabbed a light jacket since a strong breeze was starting to blow through bringing the storm nearer, and made his way to the front door. He stopped for a split second to peer out of the tall narrow windows on either side of the mahogany to see Danny in his driveway leaning against his motorcycle. He was in his usual faded black jeans and his pair of worn in chucks, but instead of just a t-shirt he wore a black hoodie and his mess of curls were hidden underneath a snapback hat turned backwards on his head. He looked soft, like Jake could just run into his embrace and everything else around them would melt away.

“I see you got this thing running” Jake kept himself pulled together as he closed the front door and hit the lock button. For a brief second he looked around the neighborhood, no one was outside. He was being anxious for no reason.

“You sure you don’t want a ride?” Danny asked, pushing off to grab Jake by the waist and plant a swift kiss to his cheek before letting him go again. “It clears the mind”.

“Maybe just this once?”

Though he actually agreed, Jake hesitated as he tried to figure out how this was going to work. A wide smile spread across Danny’s face, like he secretly knew Jake was more enthralled with the motorcycle than he let on, then grabbed the handles and swung his leg around. He started the bike up again, its newly refurbished engine purring to life as he twisted at the waist to pat the tiny spot on the seat behind him. “Where to?”

“Anywhere” Jake replied, stretching onto the tip of his toes in his boots to grab onto Danny’s shoulders and climb onto the back. “Just get me out of here”.

They took off slowly down the street, picking up speed gradually but never going too fast. Jake moved his hands from Danny’s shoulders to his waist, trying to figure out where to grip so that he felt secure until one of Danny’s hands came around and tugged on his arm, making Jake slide closer against his back. He wrapped his arms around Danny’s midsection, feeling the warmth from his body across his chest and the heat emanating from the engine down his calves.

Just as they made it a few blocks over, the rain started. First in a tiny sprinkling Jake could barely feel prickling against his cheeks, then it came down in a steady drizzle, dampening his hair that whipped wildly behind him.

Jake wrapped his hands around his forearms that still encircled Danny, closed his eyes, and leaned back so that he could feel the wind and the rain on his face.

Before long they were slowing down again and Jake lifted his head, reopening his eyes to look through the blur of rain that had collected on his lashes seeing that they were crossing the old highway at the fringe of the suburb. Once they made it across, Danny pulled into a small dilapidated lot where cars used to pull over for a break from driving and used the muscle in his leg to put the kickstand in place.

He waited for Jake to dismount first, who stood there as the rain really started to pour, confused about why they’d stopped here of all places. “We’re almost there, just up that hill”.

Danny turned the bike off and stuffed the key in his front pocket before he grabbed Jake’s hand and took off up the narrow concrete path that led to an overgrown rest stop, complete with a covered stone picnic table. Under the oning and out of the rain, Danny stepped onto the bench and took a seat on the crumbling table, looking out over the empty highway and the soaked landscape.

Jake joined him on the table, quietly listening to the thunder rumbling in the distance and the sound of rushing water as the rain ran off the top of the shelter and started to pool on the ground in front of them.

“Our parents used to take my sister and I up here for lunch in the summer” Danny began, his eyes distant as if he were seeing through the wet and the dark and into the past where it was still warm and sunny. “They live right up that highway, just about two miles. So close, but I haven’t even been to see them since moving over here”.

“Why not?” Jake asked, turning his attention away from the downpour and to the man next to him who sat as still and rigid as the concrete structure beneath them. He looked like a statue that belonged in an art exhibition the way he had his elbows propped up on his knees and he slouched over deep in thought.

Something seemed different about Danny today. He wasn’t this spirited young rebel Jake had grown accustomed to, but instead he was darkened, troubled. Jake only found this new side of Danny intriguing though, a deeper layer he was exposing of himself. Jake felt like this was a part of Danny he could relate to, and it made his blooming affection towards him only grow exponentially.

Danny sighed and sat up for a moment to pull his hat off and shake off the droplets that clung to the fabric before raking his fingers through his curls and slipping the hat back in place. “Don’t know, guess I’m scared to”.

Jake bit his lip, not having the knowledge of what their relationship was, but still able to sympathize with him nonetheless. He felt the same way about his in-laws most of the time. He knew it was absurd, but his mind had made up this delusion that they thought he wasn’t good enough. That he’d never been good enough for their daughter, for the job they’d given him, and as a Dad to Luna. It was a hard feeling to live with.

“It’s just I’ve spent the last six years trying to run from them, from the perfect person they want me to be. My sister, she gets it, she’s everything they always envisioned for her. College, good job, married to a man who supports their family, she’s always so put together and perfect… I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t force myself to conform to those standards, so after only a year of college I took off and I haven’t been back since. At least not until now”.

Danny poured his overflowing emotions out, just like the seemingly never ending rain surrounding them, and Jake sat and listened.

“I did a lot of stupid things. Got into some sketchy shit. Got some tattoos, piercings, whatever. I dress the way I want now and I’m happy with how I turned out, but I don’t know if they will accept this me”.

For a moment they sat there without speaking again until Jake figured out what he wanted to say. He reached his hand over and closed his palm around one of Danny’s, the simplest of touches but one that Danny had given him before.

“There is nothing about you they shouldn’t love. Even so, if you’re happy then I’m sure they will eventually come to understand. You should find the time to go see them, I bet they miss you”.

Danny cracked a small heartless half smile, but he turned his hand over in Jake’s grasp and threaded their fingers together. It felt good to get that off his chest, the life slowly returning to his eyes as he looked over and met Jake’s captivating gaze.

His hair was sopping wet, and it clung to his neck in chocolatey tendrils. With his free hand, Danny reached over and ran his fingers through his strands, amazed at the way they slid through without any tangles. Jake closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, allowing Danny comb through his hair over and over again, each time feeling the way his fingers brushed against his scalp.

Unable to take it any longer, Danny leaned in and captured Jake’s cold lips with his own. Jake sucked in a breath, but soon he eagerly returned the kiss, loosening his jaw and slotting their mouths together as it quickly deepened. He squeezed Danny’s hand in his own, trying to ask for more, but instead Danny slightly pulled away.

“It’s a good thing it’s raining so hard, otherwise I’d think you could hear how hard my heart is pounding right now”.

Jake’s eyes widened at the confession, his own pulse starting to quicken when Danny brought his hand up and pressed Jake’s palm firmly against his chest. “Here. Feel it?”

It would’ve been nearly impossible to feel the thumping of the muscle through the thick fabric of his hoodie, except Jake was so tuned into him that he did actually believe he felt it. A soft thump thump thump against his rib cage beating in time to the tempo of the rain droplets above them.

“Danny” Jake mumbled, barely registering his small hmm? in response. “Kiss me again”.

Danny didn’t need to be asked twice, he quickly closed the gap between them once more, reaching around Jake’s smaller form and pressing his hand against the small of his back to get him even closer. A shiver broke through, running up Jake’s spine and he felt his limbs going numb.

“Are you cold?” Danny asked without removing his lips from Jake’s. He didn’t get a reply though, only a stubborn press of his mouth harder against him. “Want to go back? To your place?”

Jake finally relented, the idea of getting him somewhere dry, and not wide out in the open, more appealing than continuing their make out session here.

“Please?” He replied, unintentionally giving puppy dog eyes so wide that Danny smiled for real this time and gave him one last peck before they ran back out into the rain together.

Tags: @sanguinebats @kultavalo @lipstickitty @gracev0609 @lyndz2names

[vivaldisspring]

Due to popular demand (5 people asked me), I shall tell the story of how I married my TC

LONG READ AHEAD – THIS IS 7 PAGES ON MY WORD DOC

Hi TCC! I’m Anissa, I’m 27 years old, but I’ve had dumb tcs since I was 11 because of whatever the hell is deeply wrong with me. Before I start, I want to point out how very lucky I was to be surrounded by sensible, responsible, righteous adults as I grew up, so that I was never exposed to any danger – and I’m including adults in the tcc, as I was around here when I was a minor as well. I hope, if you are a minor, you understand that my story is a college story, everything happened between adults (and it started when I was 21), and absolutely nothing that I will say here applies to a high school setting. To be completely honest, it is not exactly any advice for a college setting either, as you will see that I have sorely regretted a lot of my actions and they have led to people getting hurt (mostly me). Even when it comes to professor-student relationships, I would still advise you to not act on your crush, or at least wait until you’ve graduated college. Had I done that, I would’ve spared myself a lot of headache. Also, I do believe as you get older, large age gaps get easier to deal with.

PART 1: JAMES (my crush)

I was 18 when I started college as a History major. It was 2015, and due to issues with my family that I’m not going to go into, I was severely depressed. I soon dropped out of college, spent some time away, and returned in 2017 (20 years old) as a Foreign Languages major this time. So, at 20 years old, I was still a freshman, which to me was super embarrassing, but oh well. Mental health first.

That’s when I met James (not his real name). He was a professor at my university, mainly teaching English. (I do not live in an English-speaking country, so English here doesn’t mean literature in English, but rather the actual language – reading, writing and listening skills in English). James was in his mid-thirties back then, I think, had gotten his PhD and a professor job at my university not too long before. The way it happened is, he published on the department’s Facebook page a notice that he needed an assistant to one of the English classes he taught. His only requirement was, the student needed to have finished the course with the highest grade. That was my case, as I had taken that course the previous semester (with a different professor). In my university, when you’re an assistant to a professor in any class, you get credits. I wanted credits, so I emailed him expressing my interest. He said great, come by my office next week at this time, and we can talk about it.

I went to his office as we had agreed, and that’s when I first met him in person. We talked for a bit, I thought he was very nice, and we agreed I would be his assistant in that specific English class. As his assistant, I was present in all of his classes, I helped take attendance, set up the projector, organize the desks/chairs, prepare the assignments, hand them out, grade them if necessary, answer any questions the students might have, etc. It was a Reading Comprehension class, so I also selected texts in English that I thought would be a good fit for him to assign to the students. This meant that we spent a lot of time together and we had a lot of contact outside of class, discussing plans for the course and solving problems that showed up. We would meet earlier than the time the class started, and after the class ended we stayed together for a while too. I didn’t have a crush on him immediately – it developed throughout the semester, because I guess of our growing proximity.

Now, let me tell you. When the crush did develop. I was OBSESSED. It was INSANE. I’d had crushes on teachers before, in middle school and in high school, but NOTHING LIKE THIS. Those crushes paled in comparison; they were reduced to jokes. My crush on James CONSUMED me, mind, body and soul. I don’t think I can stress this enough. I was a MESS – it was so deep, so strong, unlike anything I’d ever felt before. I thought about him every single minute of every single day. I planned every single one of my actions around him. I dressed for him, I got into credit card debt from buying expensive/pretty clothes that might appeal to him, I started a diet so I could lose weight for him (I was the thinnest and unhealthiest I’d ever been during that time), I started doing exercise (I would go jogging for 2 hours straight) also to lose weight, I wore short skirts, I showed cleavage, I put on more makeup than ever in my life. I wrote poems and songs for him, I overanalyzed our interactions and his very micro expressions, every word that he said. Every praise from him was like the highest high from the most powerful drug – the tiniest word of perceived disapproval was enough to render me suicidal. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. I hesitate to call it a crush. It was an ILLNESS. I stalked this man, I stalked him online (I found out everything I could about him and his friends and family), I stalked him physically (I would wait outside his office, at a reasonable distance, for him to come out - sometimes I would go up to him and talk to him, sometimes I would just walk by him and wave, pretending it was a coincidence we were in the same area, sometimes I would just watch him walk up to his car and drive away. I wrote down his license plate and looked for his car everywhere I went. I found out what neighborhood he lived in, and I used to go there in hopes that I could find out his exact building by checking parking spots for his car, and maybe I could also run into him there?). I found out he had a girlfriend and stalked her too, and I compared myself to her to the point of insanity. I shed literal blood, sweat and tears, I dedicated months of my life to this sick obsession, and this sick obsession ONLY. This was all I had. Guys, I did things I can’t even speak of here, because they were too wrong, too petty, quite frankly too embarrassing to admit even to strangers on Tumblr. That’s how bad it was.

I couldn’t regret it more. I think, being severely depressed, I considered this crush my lifeline, and I poured my soul into it like it could save me from darkness. But it was darkness, it was awful. And the worst thing? James didn’t deserve to have to deal with it. He is actually a good guy. I’m pretty sure he noticed how I felt, but he never once took advantage of it. He kept his distance, kept everything professional and ethical, never made advances, never did anything inappropriate, and reacted to my inappropriate behavior very well. He knew I was depressed, he tried getting me into therapy, but there was only so much he could do.

Looking back, I feel my crush on James as something of a curse. I was cursed with it – and it still lingers to this day, I still feel the pain from having been burned alive by these feelings even though I’ve put out all the flames by now. I’m fine, I’m better, 6 years later I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been… but I still shake at the sight of James. I still feel like I can’t quite breathe, even though I’m happily married now and most of the time it’s like James never existed. If I run into him, I can’t say it’s not a blow.

I hope one day I can get over him completely. I wanted to tell you guys the James story because I don’t want this to be simply a “omg I got married to my tc, if I did it you can do it too!!” kind of post. I don’t want to encourage anyone to go after their tcs like I went after James because it DOES NOT END WELL and I know better than anyone how unhealthy a teacher attachment can be. I still love to hear all about your tcs and your cute interactions with them and I so relate to how you guys feel, the good parts and the bad parts, I’m absolutely not judging anyone and I love this community so much. I even write tc/age gap stories, I’m always looking for books, movies, fanfics, etc. I love the trope, I love it. But I can’t lie to you – this particular experience in 2017 screwed me over hard.

Okay. I hope that was enough of a cautionary tale. Let’s move on.

PART 2: MARK (my husband)

So I was James’s assistant in that class, and then in some others. Whenever possible I would also sign up to be his student in courses he taught. This lasted for all of 2017 (the height of it) and 2018 (got slowly better, he was no longer the center of my universe, but I still loved him).

And in the meantime, I met Mark (also not his real name), another one of my professors. While James was in his mid thirties, Mark was in his late forties (which was older than my preferred age gap). The Foreign Languages major at my university focuses mostly on English, Spanish, and French – while James taught English Comprehension, Mark taught French History (actually the exact course title is more specific, so I’m not going to name it, but it’s basically French History).

Now, remember how I said my first choice of major at the university was History? (I was persuaded to change it, I regret it, let’s not talk about it.) At that point, I was still very much a History nerd, and French History was my jam. You can still go back to my posts about Robespierre (love of my life) from 2013/2014 here on the archive to this very Tumblr account. So needless to say, I knew an awful lot about the French Revolution going into Mark’s course.

Fun fact: the first time I enrolled in one of Mark’s classes, I thought absolutely nothing of him, but I did know one thing – all of the department offices were shared by two professors, and James’s office was shared by Mark. So on the very first day of class with Mark, he (Mark) was like “guys, I forgot some papers I wanted to hand out to you, they’re in my office – would someone be so kind as to hop in there and get them for us?”. (Office was located very close to the classroom) I was a shy student who almost never spoke in class or volunteered for anything, but when I tell you I JUMPED OUT OF MY CHAIR and practically yelled over another student was already offering, I was like “I’LL GO, I’LL GO, DON’T WORRY PROFESSOR, LEAVE IT TO ME”. I knew James would be there because his class had ended just before Mark’s started. Mark thanked me and so off I went, happily. James was indeed there, working on his desk. I knocked on the door, “Hi professor, may I come in? It’s just that Mark asked me to pick up these papers right here, don’t mind me, thank you so much, hope you’re doing well, see you next class?”. It was such a short interaction with James, but it MADE MY FUCKING DAY.

One week later I dropped out of Mark’s course because arriving on time for his class was getting in the way of me spending more time with James after his class.

Yeah. The irony.

I only saw Mark again on the next semester, when I enrolled in his class once more and there was nothing keeping me from finishing the course. We got closer as time went on precisely because none of the other students even really knew who Robespierre was, and I not only knew his name, but all of the names of the main French revolutionaries and the specific radical/moderate groups they were part of, and exactly their role in the start of the French Revolution leading up to their death. I was not new to being the teacher’s pet – most of my professors loved me at that time, so I ended up being an assistant to many professors apart from James, and Mark was only another one of them. I never had a crush on Mark. When I tell you he meant nothing to me, even though we were so close and we got along so well and had so many interesting conversations about the French Revolution – still my obsession with James was deep and I didn’t have eyes for anyone else.

So how did it happen, you ask me?

One day, Mark and I were having such a good conversation, it ended up lasting longer than we anticipated. We were talking, I was walking to the bus stop, he was walking home because he lived so close to the university and he didn’t have a car. He actually rode a bicycle to the university, but that day he just dragged his bicycle with him by his side so we could keep talking. We decided to stop at a food place and grab something to eat. And we kept talking. Conversation just flowed really naturally with us, and it was kind of a relief to not have to overanalyze everything I say and everything he says. I could just talk about History, I could just fangirl over Robespierre (Mark totally gets it, he thinks Robespierre is awesome too), I could just be myself. I didn’t have many friends at the university, no one I could really talk to and just have a good time with, so Mark was a godsend. We ordered food, kept talking, argued over the bill, then resumed heading towards our destinations. I had long passed my usual bus stop, but there were many stops I could go to, so I just decided I’d take the bus on the one closest to Mark’s place.

At this point, there was definitely a vibe already, we were both going out of our way to keep spending time together. I’m not sure what inspired my actions here. Maybe I wanted to forget about James for a while. Maybe I wanted a chance to make James jealous somehow. Maybe I just wanted someone to be into me, since James clearly never would. So I made up an excuse to go up to his apartment. We spent some more time together in his balcony, overlooking the city, and then out of the blue he’s like:

“You know, James broke up with his girlfriend.”

I was SHOCKED. I was SHAKEN TO MY CORE. I swear to God, I wanted to scream, I wanted to jump, I wanted to dance. I was SO HAPPY. But I couldn’t do any of that now, could I? So much was going through my head. How did Mark know about my feelings for James anyway? (Why else would he say that??) Was I so very obvious? Had James mentioned anything to him? What about the vibe between Mark and me? WHAT WAS EVEN GOING ON?!

I tried my best to not let out my hysteria over the news that James and his girlfriend had broken up. I tried to say as nonchalantly as I could:

“Oh, really? What a shame. Why did they break up?”

“She had an abortion, it seems, that he didn’t agree with.”

Guys, I can’t even describe the turmoil inside me. I’ll be honest, it affected me so much I don’t even remember what I said next, or what he said, or the rest of our conversation. The next thing I remember, Mark and I were making out on his couch and then the rest is history.

Okay so. Mark knew I liked James, not him. I knew Mark himself had just gotten out of a difficult relationship – he had lived in France for a while and had been in love with a French woman. When he returned to our country (he had to, because of his job at the university), she came with him, they had plans to get married and have children and everything. But she wasn’t able to adapt to the new culture and to being away from her family, so she broke up with him and went back to France. There, she got back together with her ex, and soon she was pregnant by him. Mark was still grieving that, he was still very much in love with her. So basically, I wasn’t really into Mark, Mark wasn’t really into me – we were both aware of that – and we started something of an ~~affair~~ (sex, it was just sex, friends with benefits at most) having agreed that it would be nothing more, considering our feelings for other people.

And like that, it stayed, for many months. And then, I don’t know. I guess when we were together, it was hard to keep it just sex, because we got along so well. We had so many of the same interests (e.g., French Revolution), and other things we introduced to each other – he got me into so much 80s/90s music, I got him into horror movies. We also found out we both loved Nietzsche, so we started reading Nietzsche together, and it was SO productive. He helped me understand so much of what Nietzsche wrote, that now I consider my readings of Nietzsche when I was 16/17 to have been useless, I didn’t GET IT AT ALL. And (he says) my thoughts on what we were reading helped him deepen his understanding as well. I started spending a lot of time at his apartment, and we just had so much fun! Also the sex was amazing

Eventually, we decided to give it a try. We just made sense for us to date, right? If we were attracted to each other and we were the best of friends, literally what was it about James and French Lady that was so important to keep Mark and I from moving on with our lives? Especially when French Lady was already married to another guy, and James was just not interested in me no matter how hard I tried to be something he might want. It made sense to at least try. So try we did, and you know what? Best decision I ever made.

PART 3: JAMES/MARK (how it ended)

James and I were supposed to work together on a project. It wasn’t a class this time, just a separate academic research project. It was the perfect chance for me, because it would give me even more time to spend with him. But honestly. What was the point? James didn’t want anything with me. This was crystal clear. And I was trying to move on with someone else. The topic of the research wasn’t even something I liked to study (it was no French Revolution!), it was literally just an excuse to spend time with James. And that didn’t seem fair, considering I was dating Mark now. So I decided to drop out of the research project.

But I’m not going to lie to you guys. I still loved James very much, and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. In fact, it was so hard that I kept putting it off, I kept delaying it, to the point I kind of ghosted James for a little while. I was so paralyzed by the prospect of giving up on him completely. And you don’t ghost someone on a research project, that’s shitty academic behavior. (Mark didn’t know about any of this, by the way. He still doesn’t to this day. I had stopped talking to him about James, because well, awkward, right?)

So one day, I decided it was time. I can’t ghost him any longer. I wrote a James a LONG (!) email, explaining why I had ghosted him (I blamed it on my depression), apologizing profusely for dropping out of the project, complimenting him intensely, and then, finally, asking him if we could maybe meet for coffee one of these days, I would like to give him a hug. Remember, this was a LONG email, and it ended with a question (can we meet in person?). Two days later, I get an answer. I don’t remember it word for word (it hurt me so deeply, I deleted the whole email exchange 5 minutes after reading it), but it was something in the lines of:

“Hi, Anissa. Thanks for explaining. Don’t worry about it, I completely understand. I hope you can get the help you need.

Best regards,

James”

I don’t think I need to explain how painful it was to receive an answer like that, after I had opened up so much to him in long paragraphs, and expressed a desire to see him. And as I got that answer, I started to ask myself why the hell I even wrote such a long email, why the hell I even asked to see him (said I wanted to HUG HIM), when I was dating someone else. In hindsight, that was an asshole move on my part. I guess James thought so too.

I don’t know if James knew about my relationship with Mark. When it comes to James and Mark, the truth is they never got along. I only found out as Mark and I became more intimate and he felt more comfortable confessing that he hates James, always has, and James hates him right back. They both avoided being at the office together. Mark thinks James is stupid, James thinks Mark is arrogant. And since I was Mark’s student, we kept our relationship a secret all along, and I’m sure Mark never told James anything. But who knows? Maybe he found out another way, maybe he guessed it. Maybe he doesn’t know at all, he just answered so coldly because he was angry at me for ghosting him on his project.

Guys. Ever since that email… I never talked to James again. We saw each other from a distance plenty of times at the university, and hell, I even took one of his classes again (it was mandatory, there was no way around it). It was 2020, during the pandemic, so it was all on Zoom, and I never had to say a word to him or show my face on the call. I took the online quizzes, and at the end of the semester I submitted a paper I had written for the final assignment. I received feedback from him saying the paper was excellent. It gave me a little bit of joy, as his praise was does… but also, a little bit of disgust. I know everything that went wrong between me and him was my fault. But I’m only human, and I can’t help it, I resent that email. I resent it a lot. I stopped talking to James partly out of respect for my new boyfriend, partly out of hatred for James and his stupid fucking email that broke my heart into a million pieces.

Flash forward to 2021. Mark and I were better than ever. One day, we’re like, you know what, if we get married we can probably save up on health insurance (I could be included in his health insurance, as his wife, and I was at that point without any health insurance at all). So I told my mom, “by the way mom, Mark and I are getting married for health insurance reasons”. My mom was over the moon and decided to plan the whole wedding. At first we wanted something small, but my mom went crazy and did something bigger than we planned (still small, because pandemic, but bigger than we wanted – there was an actual reception with my closest family and friends, back in my hometown). It was cute. Though I hate the pictures because I look so fat in my wedding dress. Being with Mark, I gained weight again, because he makes me feel loved me whether I’m thin or fat, and quite frankly fat is healthier for me. I still carry the harmful fatphobic feeling of inferiority from back when I was losing weight for James though.

2021 is when I should have graduated, but the truth is that when I had a crush on James, I fucked up a lot of my class schedule (remember how I dropped out of Mark’s class just to be able to spend time with James?) to make it work in favor of my obsession with him. And then the pandemic happened, which delayed my courses even more (we lost a whole semester there). So unfortunately, I only got to graduate last year, 2023, at the old age of 26 (awful, terrible, I hate it, I feel like shit for it, especially because it was my fault, my depression that kept me from college in 2015/2016, my sick obsessive crush that ruined my life in 2017/2018, and it was 2019 when I was able to start healing).

I’ve been married to Mark for 3 years now and it’s been THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE. I’ve never been healthier, physically and mentally, and I love him so much, and we have 2 cats, and I love my cats, and our little family and our little home.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I don’t feel (and never have felt) for Mark what I felt for James. But I think this is a good thing in the end. I think it’s the reason why my relationship with Mark is so good and so healthy. Because what I felt for James was an illness, not love. And I love Mark for who he is as a human being, NOT as a teacher. James was my teacher crush through and through, it was always about his position, his authority, his praise, his reproach, his distance, his inaccessibility – never about his friendship. Because as much as I might want to fool myself sometimes, we never were friends, we were always teacher and teaching assistant.

I’m gonna end it on this note: last month (December 2023), I presented my final paper (a research paper every student has to present in order to get their diploma by my university). For the final paper, most of the professors in the department are present to watch you speak and present your research findings. So that was the last time I saw James – he was there to watch this semester’s graduating class present their papers. He watched me present mine. When I got up on stage, he was sitting directly in front of me, facing me in a way that made it almost hard for us not to stare at each other. I was deeply affected by his presence. I don’t even remember how my presentation went, I was so conscious of James being right there in front of me. When I finished, I was congratulated and complimented and praised by almost every professor in the department, they all had loved my research. All except one. James didn’t say a word to me. I didn’t say a word to him either. At a certain point we were pulled into the same circle of conversation, but we both kept quiet, let other people speak, looked away when our eyes met, and made sure to walk away in opposite directions as soon as possible. I have no idea why he’s being like this, whether he hates me for ghosting, whether he hates me for being with Mark, whether he just doesn’t care about me at all and never has. I just don’t know. I’ve been trying my hardest not to care too.

Anyway. This was a ride. If you made it this far, I LOVE YOU. I may need to go cry now.

[alonelystargazer]

jjk for the fandom ask (hope i was first and also that you're doing well <33)

hi rin! I'm having a nice day today actually, and I hope you're having a nice day too! also yeah you're the first one!

The first character I first fell in love with: 

This might be a surprise to some people, but I actually was a Megumi fan when I first got into JJK 3 years ago. I always gravitate towards the dark-haired, moody, reserved guy in media lol, so of course I would end up liking Megumi. But then I met Nanami and he got bumped down. Sorry! I still like Megumi though, he's definitely a top 5 JJK character for me.

I'm putting the rest under a read more because this is really long.

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: 

Hmm, I guess I would say Yuuta for this one. Not that I didn't think I wouldn't like him as a character, but he definitely jumped higher on my list after I read/watched JJK 0.

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: 

During season 1 I would've said Todo, because he seemed like one of those meathead frat boy type of guys, but he grew on me during Shibuya Incident as a source of inspiration for Yuuji, and in the more recent chapters of the manga.

But now, I would say Toji. Objectively speaking, he has a complicated history that seems interesting, and he's also attractive, but also he's a deadbeat dad who tried to sell his son to the Zen'in clan, and I can't really find any justification for that. Him sacrificing himself for Megumi in Shibuya is quite emotional, but I don't think it makes up for abandoning Megumi. Maybe it's just a personal issue for me lol.

The character I love that everyone else hates: 

I could joke and say Megumi for this one, but I'm gonna go with Mahito. He's a really compelling villain character and served as a foil to Yuuji in terms of philosophy regarding humanity. And him being the one to kill Nanami and Nobara, as his final acts as a cursed spirit, really impacted Yuuji and left a permanent mark on him.

The character I used to love but don’t any longer:

I wouldn't say I loved Mei Mei, but I liked her enough as an example of a morally-gray character, someone who only looks out for herself. But then Gege showed us where she disappeared to during the Shibuya Incident and THAT whole scene was really disturbing to me and from that moment on, I wanted to erase her from my memory. We really didn't need to see THAT to get the impression that she's greedy and has secrets and all that. It was enough of an example of her taking bribes from Gojo to have the students being promoted and all that.

The character I would totally smooch: 

Hehe, well, I think it's obvious I wanna smooch Nanami and Choso, but would it be weird if I also said Heian Sukuna? Also, Kashimo (old man or reincarnated is fine with me hehe). I would also say Shoko, but she's a smoker and I don't really like the smell of cigarette smoke, sorry. She has a gf anyway.

The character I’d want to be like: 

I really want to be like Nanami in the sense of being a mentor to the next generation, and also like Choso in being the best older sibling.

The character I’d slap: 

Fuck ass Mei Mei lol. If Mei Mei has no haters, then I am dead.

A pairing that I love:

ItaFushi my beloved! The angst, the devotion, it's just so peak tragic yaoi. I've already said what I like about them as a ship, so I won't write a long ass paragraph, but I still have some hope for them, unlike with SatoSugu. I also like Haibara/Nanami and Yuuta/Toge as my top 3 JJK ships.

A pairing that I despise: 

*looks at the long list of ships I dislike/hate* Uhh... well, besides the incest and adult/minor ships, I REALLY hate Nanami/Mei Mei, which is something I've seen on twt a few times and it made me wanna rip the flesh off my bones. They are the antithesis of each other, Nanami who's so selfless and kind-hearted and protects children vs MM who's so greedy and selfish and is a danger to her younger brother, not just because she's a weirdo but also because she uses him for his Cursed Technique. They would never work as a ship, and it really irks me how she's the one who gave Nanami the idea for "going south".

anyway, this was fun!

[lilygrace1990]

The thing I don’t get about anti-NaruMayos is that they don’t seem to get that not all of us (I’d venture to say not most of us) ship it immediately from the first game.

Like we aren’t saying it was some kind of wild love-at-first-sight encounter when their eyes met above the dead body of Mia Fey. That’s absurd. We aren’t saying that they started Wright and Co. because of mutual romantic feelings or that they were attracted to each other in the slightest when they first met. Not even close.

Maya’s birthday appears to canonically be sometime in March/April (judging by her being 18 in Farewell My Turnabout and 19 in The Stolen Turnabout), which means she was only 6 months shy of her 18th birthday in Turnabout Sisters (which took place in September). This means that she and Phoenix met when she was less than a year away from being a legal adult. What’s more, we don’t see anything going on between them in that span of time. Nothing whatsoever. There’s no flirting and Phoenix spends a lot of the time questioning Maya’s sanity rather than have obviously affectionate feelings for her.

In other words, us NaruMayo shippers aren’t shipping them based on the first game. If there are any who do, I’ll be the first person to tell them to cut that out because yeah, it’s totally inappropriate.

But Maya was 18 years old when Pearl started going on about her and Phoenix being “special someones.” She was 19 years old when Phoenix outright flirted with her in Recipe for Turnabout (”Maybe you should quit being a spirit medium.”) and when Dahlia assumed she was Phoenix’s girlfriend.

In other words, this ship is totally legal once anything remotely indicative of mutual attraction occurs. After Maya turns 18, Phoenix doesn’t even indicate that he might have anything beyond friendly affection for her until about a month before she turns 19 (calling her the most important person to him or something like that, I don’t have the quote in front of me) and doesn’t even flirt with her until nearly a year later.

There are no red flags here or evidence of grooming or anything whatsoever to indicate that their relationship is inappropriate while Maya is still a minor and nothing to indicate that Phoenix was waiting it out until she was legal. The fact that they met when she was 17 and a half is such an insane and completely ridiculous reason to hate on us that it indicates it’s not NaruMayo people hate but that it either could potentially be canon or they just don’t personally like it.

So in conclusion, chill. Just chill. NaruMayo can’t hurt you. Let us enjoy this space too.

[thepaintedlady00]

Nightshade

Chapter 6: Mouthfeel

Chapter 5 | Chapter 7

TW: awkwardness, some minor nudity, mentions of suicide (not graphic), Simone is a bitch in this chapter, slightly mentions of smoking and drugs, language, mentions of past criminal activity, slight cliffhanger.

Sorry about the late update y'all! I had a rough day yesterday and just didn't have the time to finish editing. Please enjoy! 🥰

Jake’s warm jacket draped over my shoulders as we walked up the beach house steps in silence. Neither of us really knew what to say at this point. What do you say following a near-death experience and a mutual trauma dump? With each step, I left a puddle of water behind me and mentally cursed myself for being stupid enough to jump into the ocean wearing the only pair of jeans I had in that old bag.

I swung the door open and did my best to ignore the fact that Jake was now not only fully aware of my raging mommy issues but was also stepping into the threshold of where those issues were mostly forged. Glass crunched beneath my feet. Right… There’s also that. “Uh, don’t fall. There’s glass everywhere down here.”

“Yeah, looks like you had quite the rager,” Jake mused quietly. “Need help cleaning it up?”

“No,” I replied, laying his jacket over the back of the couch. “I never clean up while I’m here. She can hire someone to do it when she comes back.”

He nodded, slowly moving through the living room and taking in the sight. “Looks like no one has been here for months.”

“Yeah, we moved around a lot for her business stuff. She doesn’t come here much anymore. Guess it wasn’t as fun without a kid to throw in the ocean.”

Jake chuckled at my poor attempt to ease the tension and kicked the empty bottles of booze. “Think you broke my bender record for the most amount of alcohol consumed.”

“Shut up.”

He looked at me, eyeing my still trembling, soaked form. “You should get changed.”

I nodded. “A great idea. Sadly I don’t exactly have a ton of spare clothes on hand.”

He replied with a barely restrained grin, “We’re both adults. A little nudity never hurt anyone.”

“You’re funny,” I responded, grabbing my bag from the kitchen counter to search my options. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. “Fuck.”

Jake clicked his tongue. “Looks like we’re in for an interesting night.”

With a sigh, I turned to face him. “No one’s forcing you to stay.”

“Yeah,” he replied. “But it’s a bit dark out now, and I’d hate to get caught wandering these dangerous streets at night.”

“Well, we both know how easy it’d be for you to get your ass kicked.”

“Absolutely. So, what’s the plan?” His smile grew unbearably wider as he raised a brow, drawing his eyes down the length of my body. “You wanna go first, or should I?”

I scoffed. “Do you really think I’m that easy?”

“If you were easy, I would’ve fucked you months ago, princess.” Jake took a step forward, relying on the play he always seemed to. Close the distance and force them into a corner to let the lack of space do all the work. And just like every time he’d tried it before, Jake was met with my body’s solid, unflinching mass.

“Really?” I asked quietly, deliberately keeping eye contact with him. “How many times have you tried this move?”

“A lot,” he admitted. “Though I’m not exactly complaining about how you respond to it.”

I set a hand on his chest and shoved him back. “Here’s the deal, I don’t have any dry clothes, and you don’t have any dry clothes. There’s a dryer in the upstairs bathroom. So you are going to shower because you smell like an old woman scrubbed you down with shitty ocean febreeze.”

“Not going to join me?” He asked flirtatiously.

“No. I will set up the bedroom for the two of us to sleep in. SLEEP in, no funny business.”

“I’d hardly call it funny-”

“Jake.”

He raised his hands with a smirk. “Alright, alright.”

I shook my head. “When you’re done, wrap a towel around your ass, and you can get in bed while I put our clothes in the dryer and shower. If you so much as try and peek, I’ll toss you in the ocean.”

“I kinda like it when you boss me around,” Jake replied with a wink. “Gonna give me a quick tour, or should I just start opening doors?”

Though his comment made my heart skip a beat, I rolled my eyes at him and led the way up the stairs and into my old room. I kept my head down as I showed him to the bathroom, trying as best I could not to let the belongings that had once been mine drag me back down. “Leave your clothes by the door, and I’ll grab them and put them in the dryer.”

He looked around the small bathroom, carefully snooping through the slightly dusty scene. “Last chance to join me. We could save some water.”

“Leave your shit by the door,” I replied, closing the bathroom door behind me as I set the bed.

The shower turned on after a minute or two of silence, allowing me a few minutes to breathe. I stood in the middle of the room, shivering slightly as I stared at the bare walls and the dusty surfaces that held one or two small trinkets. Nothing here was important… None of it was even real. The picture frames were empty, the ribbons and trophies held no memories of joy or any feelings of accomplishment, and none of the small trinkets I’d collected in my time here meant anything. 

This room was a tomb, a cage, a place haunted by the sons of a child and the endless stream of voices telling her she was not enough. I could practically see her bent over the desk by the window, desperately studying and afraid to look out the window. Afraid to watch the world and everyone in it pass by. You are enough, I wanted to tell her. You were always enough. But I knew she couldn’t hear me. I knew the past was set in stone. All her suffering and all her doubts and fears they’d already happened.

My hand settled against my shoulder, settled against the chilled skin marred by the hideous scar. I smoothed my fingers over it for a moment before snapping myself out of pity and regret of the past. Then, stripping the bed of its dust-covered blankets and sheets, I beat them out as best I could before putting it all back together. It smelt terrible, but it’d have to do. I shoved a few pillows in the middle, dividing the bed in half as the shower stopped.

Jake emerged from the bathroom with a towel hanging lowly on his hips, and his exposed chest glistened with leftover water. His arms were covered with dark tattoos, ones I didn’t get to look at closely before he leaned against the doorframe with a smile. “Left or right?”

“What?” I asked, quickly looking away from his chest to finish the bed.

I could practically feel Jake’s joy as he chuckled. “Do you prefer to sleep on the left or right?”

“I don’t really care either way,” I insisted.

He walked across the room and sat down on the left side, bouncing on the bed slightly before throwing his legs up and lounging back on the pillows. “I’ll take the left then.”

His smirk was unbearable as I turned and headed toward the bathroom. “Don’t fuck up the pillows.”

I tossed his wet clothes in the small dryer before stripping myself and adding my own to the machine. My whole body ached from swimming, and my head pounded. The hot water was a quick blessing, one that ran out quickly. A sharp gasp escaped my lips as the cold water stung my back. “Holy fucking shit!”

There was a soft knock at the door. “You alright in there?”

“You used all the hot water, asshole!” I hollered.

Jake chuckled. “Oops.”

“I swear to god I’m going to kill you.”

“That’d be pretty fucked up, considering I just spent my night saving your ass.” There was a pause before he spoke again, “Want me to join you? I’m sure we can find a way to heat the place up.”

“Open that door, and I’ll shove my foot all the way up your ass!”

His laugh, muffled by the door, still sent a shiver up my spine. No, I insisted. It’s just from the water. “Well, enjoy your cold shower then.”

“Dickhead.”

I was shivering when I’d rinsed the salty stench of the water off myself. I wrapped myself in a towel and turned the light off, quickly moving to my side of the bed and getting beneath the covers while Jake smiled at me over the pillows between us. He held his head up in his hand, resting on his elbow to watch me. “You know you’d be a lot warmer if we were closer. You know, body heat and all.”

I rolled my eyes and glared over at him. “Don’t push your luck.”

“I’m just saying, it’s awfully cold.”

“You’re always welcome to warm yourself up downstairs with all the glass.”

Jake laughed, the movement shaking the bed slightly as he moved to settle down first the night. “Fine, I’ll keep my warm body on my side then.”

“Go to sleep.”

He was quiet for all of twenty seconds before he spoke again, “Can I ask you something?”

I groaned quietly, glaring at him even harder over the pillows barricading between us. “What part about “go to sleep” do you not get?”

“Come on, princess, indulge me a little.”

“I think I’ve indulged you more than enough.”

Jake smiled at me, the moonlight casting across the side of his face and making that dumb grin of his glow. “I’m insatiable, what can I say?”

“What do you want to ask?”

“You told me about your mom. About what happened back then.” Anxiety consumed every inch of me as I kept breathing in and out.

“And?”

“You never told me why you were out there tonight.”

My jaw clenched as I thought about what to say. Why had I gone out there tonight? Why had I chosen to leap off a boat into the fucking ocean? “I…” I sighed. “I was pretty shitfaced.”

Jake saw straight through the deflection. “Were you… Was this some kind of… attempt?”

That fear I’d seen in his eyes as he leaned over the side of the boat and begged me to take his hand was back, shining brighter now as it looked like he held back tears. “No,” I whispered, reaching over the barricade to squeeze his hand. “I wasn’t trying to kill myself.”

His eyes closed tightly as he squeezed my hand back. “Good. That’s good.”

Was that why he was still here? Did he think I’d jump back in the water the second he was gone? Clearing my throat, I pulled my hand back and settled into the covers, trying to regain a sense of separation from him. “No more questions til we’re both back in New York.”

“Oh?” He chuckled. “Will I get more than four next time?”

“Maybe,” I answered. “If you shut up and go to sleep.”

“Keep talkin like that, and I’ll be up all night, princess.”

I rolled my eyes before closing them tightly. “Stop calling me that.”

“Not a chance.”

“God, you’re annoying,” I teased with a smile.

Jake laughed. “It’s all part of my charm.”

*

Jake tossed and turned for a while before settling on his back, blinking the sleep from his eyes to stare at an unfamiliar ceiling. The ceiling of Lena Harrow’s old bedroom. The night’s events returned to him like a freight train as he quickly turned to look over the pillows where Lena had been sleeping. For a moment, he was worried she’d be gone, worried she’d wanted until he was asleep to sneak back out onto the water. That all melted away at the sight of her bare back glowing in the morning light.

Her red hair pooled over the pillow she buried her head into, and the bed shifted ever so slightly with each deep breath she took. Jake sighed before his eyes wandered down the smooth skin exposed to him. Her spine was decorated with a large tattoo, a snake shedding its dark, dull skin to reveal new pearlescent scales. He wanted to reach out and run his fingers along the gorgeous piece of art and trace the lines of her tattoo as well.

The same sensations he felt the day before rose to the surface. God, she’s perfect. Everything about her spoke to him, drawing him in like no one he’d ever known. She shifted slightly, making a soft noise that sent a wave of heat through him like damn lightning. He slid out from beneath the covers, careful to not jostle the bed and wake her up, though it was tempting just to see how she’d react to seeing his bare ass. If last night told him anything, she’d enjoy what she saw, just like she had when he exited the bathroom.

The room was void of the life and attitude that he knew Lena to have. The walls were painted a dull white, probably some pretentious name like eggshell or cream of some bullshit. There were no posters or pictures, no artwork, only photos of generic art that looked like it belonged in a hotel rather than a room. Trophies and ribbons hung from a few shelves, all for competitions he couldn’t imagine Lena enjoying. Mathematics, spelling, science, music… It wasn’t her. That was the point, though, wasn’t it? “I wasn’t like this back then.” He hadn’t known what she meant then, but he sure as hell did now. If this was the mold she’d been forced into as a kid, it was likely a hard thing to break out of. Jake looked back towards her, still sleeping beneath the covers, and felt sad. 

He didn’t get the normal childhood that other kids did. When he was younger, he hated them because of it. Hated everyone he came in contact with that had parents show up at recitals or parent-teacher conferences. Seeing this… Seeing how she had lived, been treated, and been put through for the first time, Jake considered that maybe she’d been right that night in the hall. Maybe he wasn’t the only one that had it bad. A dead mom was better than one that hated who you were so much she threw you in the ocean.

Jake had done his best to help the redhead out after the boat, but this situation was uncomfortable. He didn’t know how to act or what to say… and he really didn’t want to fuck this up. Lena’s trust and faith in him made him feel good. It made him think that maybe, just maybe, he could be the guy she thought he was, the guy Simone always wanted him to be. Dependable, honest, hardworking, selfless… Everything he felt he’d lacked.

Lena shifted again with another soft noise that made his mind go blank. If that’s how she sounds while she’s sleeping, just imagine how- He shut the thought down quickly and slipped into the bathroom to check on his clothes and to get some distance from her beautiful, naked, unholy sounds. His underwear and pants had dried nicely, but the shirt he’d worn along with Lena’s things was still damp. Jake restarted the machine and dressed as much as possible before quietly heading downstairs.

*

Waking up in the stiff musty bed felt like waking up years ago. It was unsettling how I lay there for a moment, waiting for her to come pounding on my door or even just waltz inside, uninvited to scold me for not getting out of bed fast enough. What was more unsettling was the silence. I turned, rolling face first to a wall of pillows that barred me from the other side of the bed. What the fuck? I peeked over at the unmade half of the bed, the used pillow, and the towel on the floor. It was then that I realized I hadn’t been dreaming about the insane events that occurred last night. I’d gotten drunk, drove a boat, and jumped into the ocean. Crazier than that was that Jake had found me… found me and stayed the night.

I couldn’t help but smile a bit as I recalled the way he snored loudly beside me, the way his feet and arms would ignore the pillows between us to seek out the person in bed beside him. Whether it was intentional or not, I didn’t know, but I wagered it’d be amusing as hell to find out. The room was empty. Jake must’ve grabbed his things and left before I woke up. I sighed, stretching the sleep from my limbs before making my way to the dryer to pull on the newly dried, still-warm clothes inside. My eyes were still heavy from sleep, and my head was pounding from the fun hangover I knew would be haunting me today.

I put my shoes back on and went downstairs to find some kind of medication or food before heading back to New York. Glass crunched beneath my feet as I turned toward the kitchen and stopped in my tracks. Jake was there, looking through cabinets and examining the boxes of expired food that no doubt was still inside. Just like last night, my eyes went to his tattoos. I couldn’t make out what most of them were from here, but I admired them nonetheless… them and the lean muscle of his exposed back and chest as he moved.

“Gonna stand there and stare at me all morning?” He asked, blue eyes flashing with that self-assured smug attitude of his.

“I thought you went home,” I deflected, moving to join him in the kitchen. “Why are you shirtless?”

Jake’s eyes shifted to look down at my chest, not unusual for him, though the way his lips curled into even more of a shit-eating grin should’ve been a warning. “Were you wanting me to peel it off your back or what?” I looked down at the t-shirt I’d grabbed from the dryer, his t-shirt. “I’m not opposed, of course, but there are far easier ways to ask me to strip you.”

I ignored how my face heated up at his words and shook my head. “I was still half asleep when I got dressed.” I turned back toward the stairs, pulling the shirt over my head and tossing it behind me. My shirt was stuck in the very back of the machine when I pulled it out and hissed, “Traitor.”

Jake was waiting in the living room, his shirt back on as his eyes scanned over the words of a book he’d found. He glanced up at me. “You could’ve kept mine, you know. We could’ve switched. 

“I think it would’ve been a bit of a tight fit on your end.”

“I could just walk around shirtless more. You seem to enjoy that.”

I scoffed and moved around the room, quickly packing what little I’d brought back into the bag I had brought. The tension in the air seemed to grow as the silence was weighed down by all that had been said between us. I cleared my throat. “Sorry, there’s not anything to eat here. I would’ve offered to make you shitty eggs or something.”

Jake chuckled, closing the book and setting it down where he’d found it. “As great as shitty eggs sound, I was thinking we could stop by a diner. It’s not far, and it’s usually not too busy.”

“Grumpy’s?”

“Yeah,” he smiled a bit, “I keep forgetting you lived here too.”

“It’s easy to forget,” I replied, nodding toward the door. “We can take the bike. I’ve gotta get going in a bit if I want to get back to the city before dark.”

“You’re leaving today?”

“Yeah,” I pulled my phone out of my bag and played the beginning of the thirty messages everyone had left me.

“Lena, you’d better fill that gas tank up before bringing my bike back!” Dom.

“Hey, fucking bitch, call me - us, I said US! Put that shoe down, Prue, I swear to God!” Quinn and Prue.

“Call me darling. You don’t have to talk. I just wanna know you’re safe,” Ozzy said.

“Lee,” Peter’s voice made a new wave of guilt hit me. “Haven’t seen you in a few days. Is everything okay?”

“Hey, shithead! Break another of those racks, and I will break your face! Sorry bout that, Lena,” Patrick said clearer into the speaker. “I know that was a lot… just call someone. Please. We’re starting to get worried.”

Jake looked at his feet as I closed the phone and shoved it back into my pocket. “Sounds like you’ll have a hell of a welcome home party.”

“More like a welcome home mob,” I replied.

“A mob is better than nothing,” he said quietly.

“Yeah.” I held his jacket out to him. “Here.”

He looked at it for a minute before shaking his head. “You wear it. It’s cold out today.”

“If it’s that cold, you’ll freeze without it.”

“I’m not the one that almost got hypothermia last night,” he responded with a winning grin. “Wear it.” 

I rolled my eyes and put it on. “Fine then.”

Locking the door behind me, the chilled gust of wind made me grateful that Jake had insisted I wear his jacket. I’d never openly tell him that; glancing back at the already too-smug look on his face, I shook my head. Nope. Never telling him that. He nodded toward the bike. “So this wasn’t the first time you stole a bike?”

“Nope,” I answered, pulling the keys out. “Dom freak out after I left?”

Jake shrugged. “Eh, he was more frustrated than anything.”

I nodded. “Yeah, well, considering how many times I’ve stolen this bike, I can’t blame him.”

“How many times have you stolen this bike?”

“Fifteen, maybe more.”

He whistled. “Damn, you’re kind of a criminal.”

I laughed and shrugged. “At least I’m a cute criminal, though.”

Jake laughed. “So, how are we doing this?”

“You ever been on a bike before?”

“Once,” he replied. “Wasn’t on it for long before Simone pulled me off, though.”

Swinging my leg over the side, I held the helmet out to him with a smile. “Newbies get the helmet.” He scoffed but put it on anyway. “Now, you just get on and hold on.”

His taller frame settled in behind me, keeping a vast distance between us. I laughed and took hold of them, placing them around my waist. “You’re gonna want to hold onto me.”

“I’ll take your word for it, princess.”

The bike came alive beneath us, and as we started to drive, I could feel a part of Jake come alive too. He laughed behind me, bright and full and childlike. It was a side to him I didn’t even know existed, but I enjoyed it, no matter how short-lived. Grumpy’s wasn’t far from my mom’s house, and Jake seemed to be almost disappointed by that as I found a place to park on the sidewalk, and we got off the bike. He pulled the helmet off and ran his fingers through his messy hair. “Next time I steal the bike, I’ll be sure to invite you.”

“Sounds like fun,” He replied, holding the helmet.

I set it down on the seat and clipped my bag to the front. “You’re buying.”

“Am I?”

“Think of it as payment for all the cigarettes you bummed off me.”

He shrugged. “I guess that’s only fair.”

We sat across from one another in a booth close to the windows so I could keep an eye on my things. Jake ordered waffles while I ordered pancakes, which led us to a quick debate on which was better, but once we’d grown quiet, that same awkwardness and tension settled over the table. Fuck it. “So, last night was kind of crazy.”

“Yeah,” he replied. “It was.”

“I…” I looked up and met his gaze. “I’m sorry for putting that all on you. I wasn’t exactly thinking straight.”

Jake’s brows furrowed slightly. “I don’t mind. I was the one that asked.”

“Would you have asked if you hadn’t had to pull me out of the ocean?”

“Eventually,” he assured me. “Don’t apologize for that. Not to me.”

I smiled, “Thank you. I don’t know what would have happened if you-”

“You would have been okay,” Jake interrupted. “I don’t… Let’s not talk about that.”

Right, his mom… I mentally cursed myself. “Okay, sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.”

I rolled my eyes and smirked. “Sorry.”

Another minute of silence passed between us before Jake spoke again, “I’m not gonna tell anyone if you were worried about that.”

“Not even Simone?”

“No, not even her. Though if you were looking for someone to help with that kind of thing, she’d be willing.”

I shook my head, playing with my fingers beneath the table. “I’m sure she would.”

Jake frowned. “She’s good at helping with stuff like that. I know I’ve said it before, but it’s true. When I moved in with her family, she was all I had. She basically raised me.”

“Alright, let’s make a rule. No more talking about Simone. I understand she’s a big part of your life and that you’re, you know, whatever, but my opinion isn’t going to change, and I have a feeling our friendship isn’t going to last long if we’re constantly fighting over our opinions of Simone.”

“That’s fair,” he answered as the server placed our plates in front of us. “I’m still gonna argue with you about waffles, though.”

“Fair,” I replied. “But if you’re planning on getting into a debate over breakfast foods with me, prepare to lose.”

He cut into his waffle. “You’re that confident?”

“Absolutely,” I said, stuffing my mouth full of pancakes and making an exaggerated sound.

The longer I spent around Jake, the more I enjoyed his company. He didn’t make any faces or comments about how messily I ate; no matter how curious he was about my past here, he kept it to himself. Though he was undoubtedly an asshole, Jake wasn’t too bad. I finished my pancakes, and he finished his waffles, so the two of us just sat there talking about stupid stuff before the door opened, and Jake’s eyes darted toward it with a sigh. “There you are!”

“Simone,” he replied, shifting in his seat to make room for her. 

She slid in beside him, not even looking over at me while she frowned at him as she set his phone down. “You left this at the house. I’ve been worried!”

“Sorry, I got a bit sidetracked,” he said, glancing over at me. Simone finally turned her head, and her mouth fell open slightly. Then, with wide eyes, she composed herself.

“Lena,” Simone said with a taut smile. Her eyes were wider than usual as they fixated on the black jacket, Jake’s jacket, that hugged my shoulders and encased me in the smokey and woodsy scent. “I didn’t know you were in Cape Cod.”

I smiled, somewhat gladdened that Jake hadn’t told her. “Yeah, it was a last-minute trip.”

She hummed, her eyes shifting to Jake, whose face had drained of his usual charismatic glow and was now replaced with a nervous look that made his whole face seem tight and tense. “So this is what you got up to last night.”

“Simone,” Jake started with a sigh as she sat beside him.

“It’s fine,” she answered with a broader smile that didn’t even try to reach her eyes. “I’m sure it was something significant that kept you from coming home last night.”

Tilting my head to the side, I shrugged. “That’s on me, actually. My bike broke down by the beach, and Jake happened to see me. He offered to help, which took much longer than it should have.”

Her eyes practically drank up the lie as she pursed her lips. “Sounds like you were fortunate Jake was around.”

“I was,” I answered, looking back over at Jake. He knew the truth, and that was what mattered, so I shoved down the part of me that worried that truth would be exposed to Simone’s all too eager ears the second I left them alone.

Jake watched Simone closely as she ordered, his forehead creasing when she’d gotten a beer over coffee or water. He could tell something was off with her, and though it was pretty obvious even to me, Jake seemed to pick up on it more than I could just from the small things she said and did. My stomach churned uncomfortably at the sight of them. Was this what it had looked like to everyone else? I wondered, darker memories simmering just below the surface. Was it this obvious that something was wrong between us? 

“So, what brings you to the Cape?” Simone asked as she settled into her seat beside Jake.

“It’s a personal matter,” I answered without hesitation and without apology. “Not really something I’d feel comfortable burdening a coworker with.” The message was clear. Move on.

She looked far too smug about the response as she nodded. “I understand personal matters can be quite difficult to navigate. But we’re always available should you need someone to help you find your way around. Jake and I grew up here, after all.”

I smiled, trying my best not to laugh at her apparent scramble to find a foothold that would tether me to her and force me to rely on her as Jake and so many others at 22West did. “I’m not staying, but thanks for the offer.”

Jake watched her as she took a long drink of her beer, worry solidifying on his features. “You’re leaving so soon?”

“Oh, I’ve been here for days,” I answered.

“Really? Where have you been staying?” Jake nudged her slightly, an apparent attempt to dissuade her from pressing questions, one that failed as she giggled softly. “Sorry, it’s just I know how difficult finding a decent hotel can be around here. I wouldn’t want you to have trouble sleeping because the bed is too lumpy or the place reeks of dead fish.

“It’s alright. You don’t have to worry, though,” I adjusted the jacket on my shoulders, “I slept just fine.”

How her face dropped for a moment told me everything I needed to know about her and Jake’s relationship. If I wasn’t sure before, I was now. Not only was Simone like my mother, she was like him too. A cold spike of rage coursed through my veins as I looked over at Jake’s timid and almost childlike behavior before meeting her eyes again. This time I let my polite mask drop. This time I let Simone have exactly what she wanted, a look into my thoughts. I know what you are. 

Her smile faltered as we stared one another down for a short moment. Then, she fixed her mask. “That’s good. There’s nothing better than a good night’s sleep.”

“I can think of a few things,” I replied, carefully pulling out my dwindling pack of cigarettes. “Like one last smoke.” I nodded toward the door. “Want to join me?”

He looked uncertain, looking at Simone for that ever-so-subtle nod before joining me. “Sure.”

The fresh air made the heavy weight of Simone’s gaze burning holes into my skull feel somewhat lessened as I leaned against the wall beside Jake and lit the cigarette, taking a quick drag before holding it out to him. “Sorry, you’re in the doghouse because of me.”

Jake shrugged, slowly regaining his usual attitude and demeanor. “Don’t worry about it. I’m used to being on Simone’s nerves.”

“I can imagine.”

“She’s not usually like this,” he assured me quietly. “Ever since her ex came to visit a while back, she’s been… off.”

She’d get no sympathy from me, but for Jake’s sake, I shrugged him off. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve dealt with far worse people.”

Jake handed the cigarette back to me with a sad look. “She reminds you of your mom, doesn’t she?”

“A little,” I replied. “More so someone else that makes my mother look like a saint.”

He tilted his head carefully. “Who?”

I smirked. “You used up your questions last night.”

“Do you always have to make getting to know you so difficult?” He questioned with a smile.

“Of course. If I didn’t, you’d get bored.”

“I don’t think I’d ever get bored of you,” he replied, softer than before, with a gleam of something in his eyes… something nervous and unnamed. 

I could see Simone watching us closely from the corner of my eye like a predator watching over the prey she’d long staked her claim to. Jake wasn’t a game and certainly wasn’t anyone to claim. I pulled the cigarette from between Jake’s lips and took one last drag of it, closing my eyes to savor the smokey taste that filled my mouth as I exhaled. “Well, time for me to head out.” I placed what remained between Jake’s lips and slid past the window, making deliberate eye contact with Simone, waving at her as I walked towards Dom’s bike.

“Try not to wreck it,” Jake said, standing up from his comfortable position against the wall. “It’d suck to get back to the city and hear you’d been beaten to death by angry bikers.”

With a smirk, I swung my leg over and straddled the bike. “Or it’d be super badass coming back and hearing about how I beat the shit out of 20 angry bikers.”

He laughed, and his eyes softened. “See you at work, Lana.”

“See you then, Jerk.” I pulled the helmet over my head and started the bike, revving the engine before flipping Jake off and speeding down the street. He stood on the curb for a minute before turning and walking into the diner to face Simone.

I let the light rush of adrenaline wash over me as I drove. The engine roaring replaced the sound of the ocean. The smell of Jake on his jacket replaced the bitter tang of salt. The wind forced anything left of Cape Cod off me and left it where it belonged. Fuck the cape. I repeated to myself.

*

He sat back down across from Simone with a sigh, folding his hands on the table and watching her quietly eat the simple breakfast platter she’d ordered. Watching Simone drink anything other than wine made him feel weird, but seeing her do so this early in the morning was just concerning. “You hate beer.”

Simone smiled, chuckling as she examined the bottle in her hand. “I do.”

“How was the rest of the night with your mom?”

“You’d know the answer if you’d bothered to come back last night.”

“Simone,” Jake sighed. He felt guilty about not calling to let her know what had happened, but he hadn’t been able to think straight until this morning. It was something he found happened often when Lena was involved. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” She shook her head. “Sorry is something you say when you forget to bring wine or dessert. You just disappeared, Jake. Sorry, it doesn’t cut it this time.”

“It’s personal okay,” Jake replied flippantly.

“Personal?” Simone hissed. “More personal than all I’ve done and sacrificed for you?”

Jake ran a hand through his hair. “It’s not my shit, Simone. It’s not my place to share it with you.”

Her pale eyes stared back at him with a downturned face of disappointment that he was familiar with. “Was she any good?”

“Jesus,” he scoffed. “I didn’t sleep with her.” Of course, technically, he did, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to tell Simone that.

“Let’s not play games, Jake,” she said while taking a drink. “We both know how you are, especially with new coworkers.”

Whether she meant it as a dig towards his short relationship with Tess or not didn’t matter, it hurt all the same. He leaned over the table a bit more. “I didn’t sleep with her.”

She watched him for a minute before she finally sighed. “Good.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call last night. I didn’t really have time to think about it.”

“What happened?”

This was the moment he’d dreaded. Jake didn’t want to lie to Simone. It was one of their oldest rules, one that Simone mainly took seriously. But if he told her what happened last night, she’d no doubt try to help. It was just who she was, and that’d put a swift and bitter end to the friendship he’d just reestablished with a girl who was more like him than he thought. “It’s just like she said. I helped her out, lost track of time, and ended up crashing on her couch.” Her bed. The bed that made it impossible to smell anything but her.

“And where was she staying?”

“Simone-”

“The least you could do is tell me where you were. I-”

“Simone!” He interrupted. “Lena’s shit isn’t our problem. I helped her out. That’s it. Do you not trust me?”

She reached across the take and took hold of his hand. “Of course I do. You know I do. The one I don’t trust is her.”

Jake’s eyes narrowed. “I mean, I know you two don’t get along, but she hasn’t been anything but nice to everyone.”

“Nice is not a word I’d use to describe that girl.” Simone shook her head. “I read her file. Howard’s old system was actually useful for once.” She leaned in closer. “Lena Harrow is dangerous, Jake. Did you know she had a criminal record? Fighting, drugs, stealing, arson.”

With all he’d learned about her in just one night, Jake felt the list of crimes was relatively small compared to what he’d been picturing. Lena had a dark past; there was no denying that. “I’m not saying I know everything about her, but-”

“No buts. Just… Don’t sleep with her, and don’t get too attached,” Simone’s face softened, and large tears began to well in her eyes as she spoke. “I care about you, Jake. And I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

He held her hand. “I know. I promise I’ll be careful, Simone.”

*

I pulled up to the warehouse, parked the bike next to all the others, and knocked on the side door. A large man, lovingly known among Dom’s gang as Fluffy, opened the door and smiled down at me. “Dom in?”

“He’s at Nana’s,” Fluffy replied.

“Thanks!”

Weaving through the heavy foot traffic of the city, I squeezed through Nana’s door and offered the elderly woman a smile, one she met with a scowl. She quickly rolled up one of the newspapers and stalked from behind the counter toward me. The swats were too quick to dodge as she cursed in Arabic. “You worried us!” She shouted. “Stealing that bike and riding off, no phone calls, no notes!”

“I’m sorry, Nana!” I shrieked, rubbing my arm where she’d hit me. 

She pulled me into a tight hug and squeezed hard. “You never do that again! You understand me!”

I hugged her back. “I promise, Nana.”

When she finally pulled back, she shooed me toward the corner. “He’s in his seat.”

Dom always commandeered the booth in the very back of the restaurant. Said it was good for business even though everyone knew dealing beneath Nana’s roof was against the rules. He ate the food in front of him, wordlessly offering me the seat across from him. I slid his keys across the table. “It’s got a full tank.”

“Good,” he said, putting them back in his pocket. “Did it give you any problems?”

“No.”

Dom looked at me for a moment before he sighed and asked, “You feel better?”

With a shrug, I answered, “I guess.”

“I’m sorry about the jacket.”

“Dom, that was-” He held up a hand to stop me.

“I know it’s not the only reason you did it, but the last straw to set you off. My guy did it, and I owe you an apology. I’m sorry. I’d offer to replace it, but we both know it was one of a kind.”

I sighed. “I don’t blame you for what happened, but thanks.”

He took a few more bites before asking, “How was Cape Cod?”

“Shit, as always.” I smiled. “But I guess it was better than the last few times.”

“That got anything to do with the tough guy?”

“What?” I looked at him with wide eyes and a, hopefully, slight blush. “How did you-”

“He mentioned having to pack for a trip to The Cape. It wasn’t too hard to put two and two together.” Dom smiled a bit. “I was just glad you’d have a familiar face around.” After a minute, he reached over and held my hand. “I’ve gotta tell you something, but promise you’re not gonna freak out and steal my shit again, okay?”

Dom was rarely this cautious about what he said, and it put me on edge instantly. “Okay.”

He squeezed my hand as he spoke. “One of my guys saw a familiar car driving through.”

“Familiar car?” I asked before the realization hit me, along with the memories of that engine roaring and the tires squealing beneath every movement. “Dom…”

“Relax,” he ordered quickly. “I’m looking into it. You’ll be the first to know if there’s anything to worry about. I promise.”

“Okay,” I breathed.

Dom waited to pull back until my breaths had evened out. “You should head to Ozzy’s. Those two have been worried.”

I nodded. “Yeah. Thanks, Dom.”

“No problem, kid, just don’t steal my bike again.”

“No promises.”

“Get the fuck outta here.”

Nana filled my arms with to-go boxes, and I made my way to the bar. The security team grabbed a box from my arms and greeted me quickly. I set one down and tapped the bar, making sure the two bartenders knew it was for them before heading into Ozzy’s office. He sat with his back turned to me, looking down at a stack of papers. Finally, I knocked on the wall. “Hey.”

He turned and jumped up, pulling me into a big hug. “Thank Jesus! You’re not allowed to do that ever again!”

“I breathed in the comforting smell of Ozzy’s smoke and sighed. “Sorry, Oz.”

“Don’t be,” he insisted. “Just pick up the phone next time.”

My dad’s ruined jacket sat on the desk on top of a pile of things. It made me sad looking down at the remains of such a big part of my life. “I didn’t mean to ignore your calls. I just… It’s been a long week.”

He smiled. “I know, darling. But it’s okay now. You’re home, where we can all take care of each other.”

“Does Pete know?”

“No.” Ozzy shook his head. “I figured it’d be best, all things considered, to not tell him you’d run off.”

“Good. He needs to focus on getting better.”

Ozzy nodded in agreeance. “Patrick and I discussed what we wanted to do next week when he gets out of the hospital. He’s been asking to meet your coworkers for a while now.”

I groaned. “You’re not going to suggest what I think you are, right?”

“Between the three of us, we have enough to take him to 22West. So he’d get to meet your coworkers and have a high-end meal. It’s a win for everyone.”

“Fine,” I huffed. “I guess I owe you two this since I was gone.”

Patrick appeared in the doorway, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. “This mean I need to get a suit?”

“Yes,” I answered. “It’s a pretty high-end place.”

“Say no more, sis. I’m on it.”

Ozzy smiled. “I think I have something that would work.”

“No hats.”

“Damn.”

*

I took the next few days off to readjust to the city and calm my nerves about returning to the restaurant. It was little more than a paranoid feeling that I’d return to Maddie back in the kitchen or, worse, my mother waiting in the front room for me. When I did go back, these feelings were quickly depleted as Scott looked up from prep and scoffed. “Bout fuckin time. Go get something to eat and then get to prepping.”

“Yes, Chef,” I answered, nodding to Isaac. “It’s good to be back.”

“Yeah yeah, hurry it up, Red!”

Changing into my shirt, I stared at my empty locker for a moment, quietly mourning the space dads jacket used to fill up. My fingers ran over the open air as I turned to smack right into someone’s chest. Jake’s familiar laugh made me look up with a smile. “Miss me that much?”

I rolled my eyes and took a step back. “There goes my good day.” He squeezed past me and opened his locker, looking at the leather jacket I’d stuffed inside. “I took the liberty of returning your jacket.”

“How’d you know my combination?”

“Sasha.”

“Right,” Jake chuckled, holding the jacket in his hands for a second before holding it out to me. “Why don’t you keep it for a while?”

“What?”

He shrugged. “I’ve got another one.”

I smiled, turning toward the door. “So do I. Keep your jacket, Jake.”

The second I walked into the front room and toward the long table filled with people eating the family dinner, Sasha jumped up and wrapped me up in a big hug. He demanded to hear about my criminal history as Will set a plate in front of me. From across the table, Simone smiled as Jake slid into the seat next to her. The two of us held one another’s gaze for a moment before Howard broke the stiff silence. “Lena, welcome back. How was your vacation?”

“Oh, it was a hoot,” I answered.

He hummed, “So you found a place with the worst bed and drank all week?”

I laughed and nodded. “You know me, Howard, always the party animal.”

Howard nodded, sliding a small piece of paper across the table to me with a more careful smile. “Today, we’ve been gifted with a spectacular vintage.”

The paper unfolded, and a cold wave washed over me as I traced my mother’s handwriting. Leave a tip for the cleaners next time. I practically scoffed at the simple message before I tore the paper up and stuffed it into my pocket. Jake looked at me from across the table but said nothing as we ate the family dinner and drank the fancy wine.

Being tossed into the throws of a busy night of service felt exhilarating after the long break I’d taken. The kitchen was finally back to its normal flow as all traces of Maddie’s visit were washed away by Scott’s powerful voice and creative mind. As soon as things slowed down, I nodded at Santos. “Need some help with those dishes?”

He laughed. “Does it matter what I say?”

“Nope!” I smiled back. “Give me one second, and I’ll hop in and help.”

I wiped my hands down and shrugged my cook’s coat off, hanging it off the railing as I slid out the kitchen door and behind the bar. Nicky smirked at me as he cleaned some glasses. The restaurant was basically empty. Servers stood by the bar waiting for the last few tables to begin vacating, and Jake made one last drink for the only person sitting at the bar. I stepped behind him and smiled, gently tapping his shoulder. “You’re it.”

He looked at me with a scoff. “Pretty sure that’s cheating.”

“Pretty sure I don’t care,” I replied. 

“You know I’m just going to tag you once I’m finished with this drink, right?”

“You can try,” I egged on, sneaking back into the kitchen and sliding beside Santos to help wash the last dishes. 

Isaac was back to telling the whole kitchen his crazy stories bringing the entire kitchen to a loud clamor of laughter and comments. Because of the noise, I didn’t hear the steps as they settled in behind me until it was too late. Jake leaned over my shoulder and smirked, tapping my nose with his finger. “You’re it.”

He ducked away before I could splash him with dishwater. “I’m gonna tag you with this nasty wet hand!”

“Lookin forward to it, princess!” He yelled as he climbed the stairs toward the locker room.

Isaac leaned on the counter beside me, wiggling his eyebrows. “Princess?”

I splashed him. “Fuck off!”

Once the dishes had been put on the rack, the kitchen grew empty, and Santos and I walked upstairs to change. I smiled when I opened my locker and saw Jake’s jacket stuffed inside. Sneaky asshole. I shrugged it on, having forgotten to grab my own before returning his. One more night of wearing it wouldn’t kill me, and I’d gotten rather fond of how it smelled and felt around my shoulders.

Everyone was crowding around the bar when I got downstairs, everyone but Simone and Howard, of course. Howard smiled at me while Simone took one look at me, the jacket, and turned her face away. Jealousy didn’t look good on her. From behind the bar, Jake’s eyes ran down my outfit, and he smiled. I ignored how it made my stomach flip and how I wanted to make him smile again. 

“What are we talking about?” I asked, sliding into the seat beside Ari.

She smiled. “Tattoos. “

Sasha pointed at Jake’s arm. “We were just mocking Jakey’s shitty mermaid.”

I looked at the bartender’s modest mermaid tattoo on his inner arm. “Hey, that looks kind of like mine.”

“You’ve got a mermaid tattoo?” Jake asked with a smirk. “Show it to me.”

“No!”

Heather leaned in closer. “Ooohhh, I know what that means!”

Sasha and Ari cooed in my ears. “Where’s it at?”

“I bet it’s right over her pu-”

“I’m not telling any of you vultures!”

“Well, I know it’s not on your back,” Jake said smoothly, his smile never faltering.

I scoffed. “What happened to no peeking?”

He rolled his eyes. “I was always gonna peek, princess.”

Sasha nearly spat his drink out, wide eyes moving back and forth between the two of us. “Did Jakey finally take your flower, lovely Tiger Bitch?”

“No,” I replied, shoving him.

“Did get a pretty sweet view of you naked, though.”

“Bullshit!” I shoved a finger in his face. “If you’d have seen me naked, then you’d know exactly where the mermaid is.”

He lifted his chin up, smug and eating up all the attention. “Maybe I do.”

“If you did, you wouldn’t waste time demanding to see it.” I leaned back in my seat and smiled. “Shame, it’s in a good spot too.”

The cogs in his brain were practically visible as he thought about every possible location before leaning on the bar. “Ass?”

“Nope.”

“One of your boobs, then?”

“No,” I laughed. “And even if it was, you’d never get to see it.”

“Never say never.”

Sasha gagged. “If the two of you could just do the nasty already and quit the dirty talk, we would all appreciate it!”

Scott shook his head as he downed the last of his drink and stood. “Dinner, whose in?”

“I’m picking tonight!” Ari cheered over his shoulder, making the man wince.

“Great, everyone, prep your stomachs for some shitty Italian or something.” Ari punched him in the shoulder, and everyone laughed as we headed out the door.

*

As he walked beside Lena, Jake couldn’t shake the warning Simone had given him a few days ago in the diner or the looks she gave him each time he interacted with Lena. The redhead wearing his jacket laughed beside him at something Sasha had said from the front of the group. “Hey,” Jake said, pulling her lively green eyes to his. “Can I ask you something?”

“Ready for our question game already?” She teased with a smirk.

He couldn’t help but smile as well. “I was actually wondering something a bit more serious.”

“Oh?” She asked, tilting her head. “Well, I guess I could give you a freebie just this once.”

“How generous.”

She nudged him. “What’s on your mind?”

How was he supposed to start this? “I… I may have heard a few things about you that I wanted to ask about.”

“Well, there’s a good chance I’ll have answers. What did you hear?” She asked. 

“I heard you have a pretty extensive criminal record.”

Lena didn’t even bat an eye as she nodded. “Yeah, I do. Was there a particular crime you were curious about?”

Jake shrugged. “I guess I was just wondering how much of it was true.”

“Oh,” she said with a laugh. “Well, that’s easy then! I’ve got a lot of charges under my belt for fighting. It was all illegal rings, though, so no assault or anything crazy. Stealing was another big one. I don’t even know how many times I got busted for that.” She shook her head. “I was kind of shit at it.” She hummed quietly, trying to remember. “Oh, there’s drugs, obviously. Just buying, no distribution or smuggling or anything.”

“Any arson?” He asked.

She scoffed. “Okay, that one wasn’t on me! Some assholes were harassing Quinn at the club she works at, so she called me and Prue and Patrick to help walk her home. She didn’t tell us she’d dumped gasoline all over the sidewalk until after she lit the damn thing on fire to try and scare them. Bitch almost took off my eyebrows. Anyway, the cops showed up and arrested all of us. My dad and Ozzy were fucking pissed.”

Jake looked at her with furrowed brows. How the hell did she do this? Lena looked up at him and poked his forehead. “You do that more, and you’ll hurt yourself. What’s up?”

“Why are you so honest?” He asked.

“You asked,” she answered. “Did you want me to lie?”

“No,” Jake shook his head and chuckled. “I just… You’re just something else.”

She leaned closer to him and smiled. “Something good, I hope.”

Jake looked down at her and quietly agreed. She was something good. That night he watched her closely, trying to see what Simone did. Trying to figure out why she was so against him getting closer to the redhead, but the more he looked, the more he liked what he saw. As she tapped his shoulder and whispered another playful, “You’re it.” Jake threw all his notions of not knowing who Lena was out the window. He knew exactly who she was, and he trusted her.

*

I walked in the front door, quickly readjusting the straps of my dress before giving the hostess my name and telling her I was waiting for the rest of my party. Nicky spotted me from the bar and smiled. “Hey, Red, I thought today was your day off.”

“It is,” I answered, taking a seat at the bar. “I’m here as a guest tonight.”

“A guest,” he swooned. “Moving up in the world, are we?”

Jake returned from the back, pausing when he saw me. “The hell are you doin’ here?”

“Our little Red is a guest tonight,” Nicky said with a smile.

“A guest?” Jake pressed as he refilled the ice.

I scoffed. “I could be a guest.”

“So, who’s the lucky guy?” Nicky asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“No one,” I answered. “I’m here for a family dinner.”

Jake laughed at that. “Family dinner? I’m dyin’ to see what your family comes in lookin like.”

I nodded. “Me too. I told them it was upscale, but Ozzy’s version of that makes him look like an old victorian count and Patrick.” I winced. “Patrick is going to show up in something fucking hideous. So, I guess I should apologize in advance for you guys having to look at them all night.”

“Well, I don’t know about Nicky, but their outfits won’t bother me.”

“Oh?”

“I’ll be too busy looking at yours.” He winked.

I turned my head away from Jake’s smile, an attempt to hide the blush that no doubt dusted my face with red. However, the sight waiting for me at the front was one that made me do a double take. “What the fuck are you wearing?”

[adultswim2021]

Moral Orel #11: “God's Image” | November 13, 2006 – 12:15AM | S02E01

I'm not totally sure, but there MAY be season two episodes of Moral Orel that I haven't actually seen, or only saw once. THIS ONE I remember, though, but I forgot certain bits here and there. Let's DIG IN, BABY!

We open the episode acknowledging the massive cliff-hanger (if you're watching the episodes in the correct order, that is) about Clay and Bloberta's splitting up. Clay tells Orel over Chinese food that they've decided to stay together purely for appearances, which is sorta thematic for this episode. The Chinese restaurant becomes instructive of the segregation in Moralton; Clay describes that the Chinese restaurant is just the right distance from the white center of town to be “deliciously far” and not dangerously close. This folds into Orel's understanding of God's Image; which is the subject of that day's Church sermon. The Reverend describes how the light-skinned protestants that make up his congregation look more like God than others.

After chatting with the Reverend Orel decides that segregation is godly, and immediately starts in with the Figurellis, the sole Italian family in Moralton. The Figurellis wind up sowing jealously from the rest of Moralton when their separate-but-equal accommodations actually wind up being more of a boon to the Figurellis than not. The Figurelli kids are able to skip the line at the water fountain in favor of their own dedicated one right next to it, they get the spacious back of the bus while the rest of Moralton's school children have to cram in the front, and in the funniest scene they are denied entry to the over-crowed community pool and hosed off by authorities in an attempt to quell a perceived race riot. All they do is give the Figurelli family a pleasant cool down the likes of which the rest of Moralton can't achieve on their own.

Kids start rebelling and using the dedicated Figurelli utilities, and even start adopting Figurelli affectations (sweeping the sidewalk, shaving their heads into male-pattern baldness, cheerily saying “no problem!” in the face of adversity. The Moralton adults worry, calling these kids Wigurellis.

I'd forgotten that entire subplot, and it was a nice surprise. I don't remember loving this one at at the time, and I'm not sure why. I mostly remember a friend of mine reviewing this episode as having no laughs, except for the part towards the beginning where the Figurelli's cat-washing van drives away; it has a big Mr. Figurelli head with a loud speaker for a mouth and has a looping message as the car moves: “I WASH CATS ON MY DAY OFF!” He got into my head, and I remembered this as the episode as “the one where the only funny joke is 'I WASH CATS ON MY DAY OFF!'”. It is exquisitely funny.

The truth is, maybe I didn't give it up for this one because the racial satire was enough to make me turn my nose up at it. I feel like a lot of comedies of this stripe had a satirical allegory-for-the-segregation-movement episode. Mr. Show, Dino's former stomping grounds featured a sketch where slackers were treated like black people in Alabama during the Civil Rights movement. In 2022, where any non-dead-serious attempt to comment on racism is met with a vocal minority ready to virtue signal their way to a higher-ground to condemn it makes this kind of thing seem less attractive to attempt. Not saying that's a good or bad thing; some people are so tired of racism and are legitimately traumatized by it and deserve to be cut some slack when they don't respond to stuff like this in the spirit it's intended. I guess all I'm trying to say is that this time around, I laughed. And the reason might be because jokes like this are rare nowadays.

[xsage-writingx]

Breaking the Rules Chapter 16

Summary: Beck is new to Hawkins High for her senior year. She is no stranger to being the new kid but when she bumped into Eddie Munson all her rules are thrown out the window and she finds herself falling for the school freak. Everything about him draws her in. Though Hawkins has its own chaos Beck will find herself in danger with the new friends that she is making. But will her actions be enough to keep everyone that she has come to love safe?

Author’s Note: Since Tumblr is doing the Filters, I don't think I need to advise too many times of Minors not interacting, but please understand that there are adult themes. I know some chapters are tame but just to be safe I need to do this.

Masterlist

Warnings: scenes of sexual nature, p in v penetration, oral (f receiving), dom!eddie, sub!femoc

** I do not condone the copying and reposting of my work. If I find that it is being done I will delete everything and cease writing.**

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The next day, the day before Thanksgiving, I was a tornado of movement through my kitchen. Eddie tried to help but after the first hour and a half I had turned to him and said, “Eddie, I love you. However,” I turned back to the pie filling that I was mixing, “you are getting in the way more than you are helping. You are more than welcome to sit at the table and work on your next campaign, or you can schedule a last-minute Corroded Coffin practice.”

He looked at me like a puppy that was just kicked to the curb.

Something in my chest cracked and I walked over to him to cup his face in my hands. “Don’t look at me like that,” I begged, “I just want to make what I bring for you and Wayne to be perfect.”

Eddie took my hands in his, kissed my knuckles and said, “Sweetheart, like I said, we usually eat turkey sandwiches. You’re going above and beyond.”

I sighed and rested my forehead against his chest. “I know, but this is the least I can do.” Eddie kissed the top of my head and moved to the table and flipped open one of my school notebooks to an empty page. He motioned for me to continue, then began to write on the blank pages.

That was three hours ago. Finally, I was working on rinsing of the dishes to put in the dishwasher. My dad gone out with some friends that he had met the moment he saw the chaos that I had created in the kitchen. The only thing that he did to recognize Eddie was throw him an apologetic look as he ran from the main level and out the door.

Eddie nudged my hip with his as he stood between me and the dishwasher. After I rinsed, he put the dishes into the machine. Soon enough, we were done and I leaned back on the counter and let my head fall back. “I’m sorry I was crazy earlier.”

Eddie chuckled and said, “I’ll admit, I didn’t think I’d spend the first day after I admitted my love for you watching you cook,” I laughed, “But, as long as I’m spending that day with you, I’m good.”

I bumped my shoulder against his arm, “Suck up.”

He pinched my side. “I could go for a good suck.” My face flushed and eyes popped open. “Or maybe lick.” His voice racked over me and I had to repress a shiver.

“You,” I said as I held up my pointer finger, “need to relax.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me. “I’m still sore from last night.”

He pouted out his bottom lip, “Aw, does my princess need a massage?”

I tried to think of cold showers, what I was going to wear tomorrow, anything other than the feeling of his hands on me.

He must have seen my struggle because a roguish grin pulled across his face. He placed his hands on my shoulders and guided me to a chair at the table. He sat me down and began to kneed the muscles in my shoulders and neck. “Oh,” he cooed, “So tense. What’s got you so wound up, princess?”

“I wonder,” I said around a moan.

He tutted, “Such a sharp tongue.” He continued his work and my eyes closed as he worked the knots that were in my shoulders. “See,” he shifted lower on my back, “I can be good.” I hummed my agreement.

Eddie, eventually, went home. He tried to convince me to come with him, but I decided that I should hang out with my dad when he got home. Unfortunately, the clock ticked by and the time for dinner passed and I was still reading on the living room couch when doorbell rang.

My brows furrowed as I marked my page and went down to the front door. I pulled open the door and my mouth popped open as the grinning faces of Mike, Dustin, and Lucas greeted me.

“Hi Beck,” Dustin said with an energetic wave.

“Um,” I stuttered as I tried to rationalize why they were there, “Hey guys, what are you doing here?”

Mike leaned up on his toes, even though he was almost a head taller than Dustin, “We were riding our bikes from Family Video-.”

“We’re going to watch a movie at Mikes,” Lucas cut in.

“And we saw that Eddie wasn’t here-,” Mike picked up the story.

“And your curtains were open and we just saw you sitting on the couch reading. So, we wanted to stop and see if you wanted to join us for the movie night,” Dustin finished.

I nodded as I followed the flow of conversation. “You wanted to invite for a movie night?”

“You don’t have to, but you looked lonely,” Mike quickly added.

A smile grew across my face and opened the door wider and waved them inside. “Let me just get my jacket and shoes.” I quickly ran up the stairs and left a note for my dad about where I was headed, flung on my jacket, and tugged on my Doc Martens. I smacked my keys that sat in my jacket pocket and locked the door behind me.

“I can’t believe you said yes,” Lucas said with wide eyes.

I shrugged and said, “Why not?”

“Because you’re older than us. Nancy never wants to hang out with us,” Mike said as we moved to their discarded bikes.

From what I had seen of Nancy around school I could see how she was the driven older sister to the nerdy younger brother. “It’s probably because she’s your sister,” I watched as they all picked up their bikes, “I, obviously, don’t have siblings but I can only assume that’s why she doesn’t want to hang out.” I rocked back and forth between my toes and heels, “So, how are we going to get to Mike’s? I don’t have a bike.”

The three of them looked between themselves then Dustin patted the bar of his handles. “Sit here.” I cocked a brow to him. “It’s not the safest but unless you can fly, we didn’t really think this part through.”

I shrugged and hopped onto the bar and tucked my legs up away from the wheel. Dustin began to move and soon the four of us were speeding down the road. The crisp autumn breeze ran through my hair and I held out my arms on either side of me like wings.

Dustin laughed and said, “What are you doing?”

“Pretending that I’m flying,” I risked a glance over my shoulder, “I haven’t done something like this since I was a kid.”

The three boys laughed and said, “You’re still just a teenager.”

I returned my grip to the metal bar as we turned down a road. “Yeah, well, with the childhood I had a person grows up pretty fast.”

“Right, military,” Lucas asked from my right.

“Yeah,” I looked between them, “At first you just have to behave. Don’t get me wrong, my dad is great, now. But military schools really drill it in you to be seen and not heard. My mom finally realized what was going on and pulled me to go to public schools wherever we moved. Then she passed,” Their faces turned solemn and I quickly added, “Not that you guys needed to know all of that.” I added a giggle to try and lighten the mood.

Mike spoke up from my left, “Hey, we get it. My girlfriend, Elle, she grew up with really strict rules. She’s still trying to find herself.”

We pulled into a long driveway and dismounted the bikes. The side door that we used entered right into a sitting room. From another room a man’s voice yelled, “Mike, did you bring your friends over again?”

Mike paused and huffed out a sigh, “Yes, dad. We’re just going to watch a movie.”

“Hey Mr. Wheeler,” Dustin and Lucas called in a chorus from our spot. Dustin began to move me through the little hall and the doorway that led down to the basement.

“No need to meet Mr. Wheeler. He’s always complaining about how we eat all his food,” Dustin explained.

Lucas trailed behind us; the plastic Family Video bag swung on his wrist. “Yeah, even though we’re bringing our own snacks today.”

The basement was spacious, with couches, tables, and even a desk pushed up against the back wall. But what was shocking was the number of chairs that were littered around the space. It was like a chair graveyard, but all of them were still functional. Just mix matched.

Dustin and Lucas moved to the seating area with the loveseat and couch. They spread their candy on the coffee table and Dustin moved to pop the movie in. I moved to sit on the far corner of the couch and looked over at the assortment of sweets.

“Alright,” Dustin said and sat down beside me. “Probably the most important question, now that we’re hanging out.” I waited for him to continue. “What is your favorite candy?”

I laughed. “Without a doubt, Twix.”

“Twix,” both Dustin and Lucas said in unison.

I nodded. “The mix of chocolate, cookie, and caramel is perfect.”

“Not Reese’s? Who can say no to Reese’s Cups,” Dustin asked and Lucas stared at me with his mouth hanging open.

“I can, the peanut butter and chocolate is good but it’s not my first choice.”

Mike was making his way down the stairs, bowl of popcorn in hand, when he said, “What about Reese’s Cups?”

“Beck’s favorite candy isn’t Reese’s Cups,” Dustin said and looked back to me, “I don’t know if I can sit next to you.”

My astonished laugh made the three boys laugh. I crossed my legs on the cushion and said, “Are we going to watch a movie or are we just going to make fun of my candy choice?” I raised a brow at each of them, “Because if it’s the latter then I would just warn you all that I happen to have some sway with our esteemed Dungeon Master.”

Color began to drain from their faces.

“I would hate for him to find out that his newest recruits were picking on his girlfriend,” I looked between each boy innocently.

Dustin shook his head and said, “Low blow, Beck.” I chuckled and nudged his shoulder with mine.

We began the movie and while it was on the four of us talked about everything under the sun. Dustin spoke about Suzie and Mike about Elle. When it was Lucas’ turn to speak about any one, he redirected the conversation.

I risked a glance at Dustin and, while Mike and Lucas were distracted, he explained, “Lucas was dating Max, but we haven’t seen them together recently. Not really sure what happened there. Max just, kinda, shut us all out after this past summer.”

“What happened last summer?”

Dustin opened and closed his mouth like a fish. “It’s um- well…”

“It’s alright. If it’s something personal for Max, you don’t have to say anything.” I was not a gossip. If something was personal it wasn’t my business to know that.

“It’s just hard to talk about. We were all effected,” Dustin explained. I nodded but didn’t push. “It all happened at the Starcourt fire. Her step-brother, Billy, was killed in the fire.” The conversation between Mike and Lucas stopped and they had turned to us.

“We were there during the fire,” Mike added.

“Max saw Billy die and it has really messed with her,” Lucas said.

I took a deep breath and said, “Shit, I had no idea.”

“Yeah, people say Hawkins is cursed,” Mike said.

Dustin laughed harshly, “They aren’t too wrong.”

There was a tension, like a dark joke that passed between the three of them that I wasn’t let in on. But the topics changed and soon enough the movie ended. When I looked back to the clock, I realized that it was past 11 pm. I stretched my arms over my head and turned to the three boys. “Well, I should probably get home. It’s pretty late.”

“We can bring you back home,” Mike offered from his spot.

I waved him off and said, “No, no. If I could just use your phone, I’ll call and see if Eddie will come and get me.” Their faces paled and I couldn’t help the chuckle, “What, are you boys afraid of the Big Bad Eddie?”

I stood from the couch and stretched again. I had clocked the phone that was mounted on wall that protected the stairs. I dialed Eddie’s number and the line rang three times before a happy tone sang out, “Munson Manor, where your darkest dreams and wishes come to rest.”

I couldn’t fight the giggle at his theatrics.

“Well, I know that voice,” he sang, “I didn’t think I’d get to hear your beautiful voice until tomorrow.”

“Well, it’s your lucky night, Charming,” I teased, “The Freshman stopped by and invited me to a movie night. It’s way too late and cold to balance on Henderson’s handlebars back to my house. Are you free to come pick me up and bring me home?”

“The Freshman invited you to a movie night,” he mused, “What happened to hanging out with your dad?”

I paused, “Dad was still out by the time they came over at, like, 8:30.” The line was quiet. “So, are you able to come get me from Wheeler’s?”

“I’m always free for you, princess. I’ll be there in ten minutes.” His tone was soft, like it was thinking something over.

“Alright, I’ll see you soon.”

I turned back to the three boys and they were all looking at me dumbfound. “I know we see you two every day, but I will never get used to how Eddie treats you,” Dustin said. I rolled my eyes as I got myself ready for Eddie to get me.

Ten minutes later, on the dot, Eddie’s van rumbled to a stop in front of the Wheeler’s house. I ran from the side door with Dustin, Lucas, and Mike in tow. Dustin and Lucas stopped at their bikes but stayed statue still. I turned back to them as I reached Eddie. I sent them a wave and they all raised a hand in a stiff wave of their own.

When I turned back to Eddie, his eyes were dark with concern. As he opened the door he said, “Why’d you go and hang out with the Freshmen?”

I hopped into my seat and waited for Eddie to get into his. Once he was seated behind the wheel and fixed his expectant gaze back on me, I said, “I was waiting for my dad to come home but it was getting later and later.” I looked down at my hands, it sounded so pathetic, “I was reading on the couch and they saw me from the window and they invited me over. I didn’t want to bother you when you had just left so I thought, why not?”

“You know I would have come back,” he said softly.

“I know, but you probably just got settled in at home and I was going to be content just reading if they didn’t come over.” I pulled at a thread on my sweater.

His fingers pinched my chin and forced my eyes to meet his. “I would have come back, sweetheart. Remember that I will always come back for you. No matter when you need me.”

Tears burned at my eyes and I nodded my head. “I understand, I’m so sorry, Eddie.”

He tilted his head, “Why are you sorry?”

“I don’t know,” I said around a sniffle.

Eddie chuckled gently and pulled me into a hug and started to play with the ends of my hair. “Do you want to go home or just go right to my place?”

I looked up into his waiting eyes. “I should probably go home. Not even to see my dad, but so that way we don’t have to drive there and back for all the food tomorrow.”

Another chuckle echoed through Eddie’s chest and it warmed my heart. Eddie pulled away but kept my one hand in his as he drove down the road. The quick drive from Mike’s back to my house was filled with heavy metal pumping through the speakers. By the time that we pulled up to my house I saw that the lights in the lower level of the house turned on. My dad had finally made it home.

Eddie turned off the van and I looked over to him with a brow raised. “Come on,” he leaned over and pecked my cheek, “I’m not just going to drop you off and leave you. I get some extra time with my girl.”

I chuckled and we made our way toward the front door. It was unlocked and the lights were on when we walked in. The house still smelled of all the baking that was done throughout the day and Eddie hummed beside me.

“I forgot how good it smelled in here. Your baking is magical,” he said and wrapped his arms around me. He tucked his nose into my hair and nuzzled under my ear.

“You haven’t even tried it yet. You can’t say that until you try it.” The house was quiet. The usual noises from my dad moving about weren’t there and it pulled my attention away from Eddie. I stepped away and went down the stairs.

He wasn’t in his “man cave” area, and I didn’t hear his shower running. “Dad,” I said into the silence. I looked over my shoulder to see Eddie had followed me down into the basement. He had an eyebrow cocked as he also registered the silence. I turned back to the empty space and moved to his bedroom door.

I knocked gently. No answer. I slowly cracked open the door and saw the room empty. My stomach dropped. I ran past Eddie and took the steps two at a time. I heard Eddie follow after me and called my name.

My eyes fixed onto the island counter where my notepad was still sitting. My feet skid over the tiles and I braced my hands against the countertop. I stared at the paper and found a note underneath mine:

Sorry Kiddo,

Pulled back to work early. Hope you had fun. Wish the Munsons a Happy Thanksgiving for me.

Love,

Dad

My breath whooshed from me. Work. He was pulled back to work early. Eddie stopped beside me and looked down to the note that was left. He placed a hand on my shoulder, then the other over the center of his chest. “Jesus… H… Christ, Beck,” he said between pants.

“He got pulled back to work,” I said breathlessly.

“Of course, he was pulled back for work,” Eddie said as he plopped himself onto a chair. “Where else would he have gone?”

I looked over to Eddie with a deadpan expression. “Eddie, don’t worry about it. I over reacted.”

He turned me towards him and cupped my face in his hands. He leaned down to be eyelevel with me. “Hey, it’s alright. Let’s just have a night in.” I smiled at his enthusiasm and nodded into his hands.

The rest of the night went by with Eddie and I lounging on the couch as we watched movies and played music. Eventually we closed up the house and moved to my bedroom.

It had turned to the wee hours of the morning and I sat on the edge of my bed as I set my alarm for the next morning to put the little turkey in the oven. Eddie flew into the room and jumped on the bed. “Why, on Earth, are you setting an alarm?”

“I have to put the turkey in the oven for a few hours tomorrow, and then we’ll let it finish at your house.” I turned back to Eddie and found him staring at me with eyebrows raised up under his bangs. I giggled and said, “Don’t worry, you don’t have to get up. Just me.”

I leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to his soft lips. Just as I was going to pull away, his large, warm hands cupped my face and held me to him. My eyes fluttered closed and I melted into him. I moaned into his mouth and his hands moved to my hair.

His lips moved down my jaw and trailed wet kisses down my neck. I whimpered and said, “Handsome, we have to go to bed. Morning is going to come faster than we realize.”

Eddie hummed against my hot skin as his hands squeezed my hips. “Say ‘come’ again. It sounds so good when you say it.”

A gasp ripped through my lips and I wanted to give into him. It would have been so easy. Like breathing. But that little voice of reason shouted at me to remember that the alarm would go off in only four and a half hours. I took hold of Eddie’s hands and brought them up between us and began to kiss his knuckles, “Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.”

I kissed each of his rings and another moan left him and I looked up to find his blown and hungry eyes watching my every movement. “If you keep doing things like that, I won’t be able to stop.”

Oh, how I wanted him to keep going. To just let go and have his way with me. The knot in my stomach twisted tight. God, it would be so hot. “Eddie, we need to sleep.”

He took a breath, deep into his lungs. He hung his head forward and said, “Alright, I just need a second.”

“Are you-,” I paused mid-sentence as I moved my eyes over his form. He held up a finger for me to wait. I scanned him over again and my eyes caught on the tent of his sweatpants. “Eddie,” I said softly.

“Nope,” he closed his eyes and held up a finger again. “If you use that tone, it’s not going to help.” He stood from his spot and took a few steps away. “You are just -,” he hummed as he worked for the words, “You’re just so irresistible.”

I raised a brow. Me? Irresistible? “I wouldn’t say that.”

Eddie spun around, eyes wide and mouth puckered like he ate something sour. “You wouldn’t say that? Let me put this in perspective for you, princess,” he said as he pinched his fingers in front of him.

I shifted and sat up straighter while I waited for him to go on. He looked at my change of position. My crossed legs and my hands pulled down the hem of my shirt to hide my sleep shorts between my thighs, which resulted in my chests being pushed up and on display. His eyes grew hungry again, but he held up his hand and made a flustered noise, before he turned away from me.

“You, are like a feast,” he continued, “A feast of all my favorite things. I could taste you every day for forever and you would still be my favorite-.” He paused and fisted up his hands at his side. “Nope, I’m trying not to think like that.”

I giggled.

A growl rippled from Eddie as he spun around towards me. “You are the hottest girl ever and you just are hot existing! Forget about it when you’re actually trying to be hot. Then-Then I’m lost in your,” he fell to his knees and waddled over to me to grab my legs, “I’m lost under your spell.”

Through giggles I took hold of Eddie’s hands and said, “I still wouldn’t say all that.”

A guttural yell erupted from Eddie and he flung himself back onto the carpet. He peered at me from his splayed form. “You really have no idea, do you?” I rolled my eyes; he was really going to keep going with this. “I think,” he paused, he moved so fast that I hardly saw him go from laying splayed out to kneeling before me again. Something sparkled in his eyes, “I think I’m going to have to convince you.”

His hands rested on my knees. My breath caught at the contact of his warm palms against my skin. His fingers trailed up my leg and my mind focused solely on his movements. My gaze was pulled into his deep umber eyes. The tips of his fingers flicked under the hem of my oversized shirt and played with the edge of my sleep shorts.

“We, probably, should go to sleep,” he said with a deep gravely tone. “But I think it’s your turn for a tutoring session.”

“What’s-um,” I stuttered, “What’s the subject?”

Eddie hummed as he leaned closer. “It’s a bit of chemistry,” he scraped his nails up under the edge of my shorts. “A bit of biology,” his nails trailed back to their original spot. “Then, maybe, a little exploration into life drawing.”

“I’d be shocked and appalled at that reference if I wasn’t so turned on right now,” I said breathlessly.

The chuckle Eddie emitted was dark and deep. His fingers stopped and I found his gaze. “If you want to stop, just say the word.”

If he had said that fifteen minutes ago, I might have stopped him. But after his fingers trailed a burning path of less than 12 inches up my thighs, my body was craving more of his touch. Even if I were to say stop at that very moment, I would have been up the rest of the night.

My fingers curled into his hair. “Don’t make me beg, Munson,” I pulled his face to mine and molded our lips together. A satisfied moan rumbled through him as he leaned up and deepened the kiss. He kneaded my shoulders, as if he was restraining himself from tearing the shirt off me.

He stood up from where he kneeled, hunched over so as not to break the kiss. I let him guide me back onto the mattress and ran my hands down his back and bunched the cotton into my fists. He helped me remove his shirt and immediately returned to my mouth.

My hands roamed the expanse of his back, my nails ran over the rippling muscles and a deep moan rumbled as his back arched into the touch. So slowly, Eddie raised his head and when he looked back down his eyes were nearly black with want.

“So,” he said, his voice seemed to have dropped an octave, “Where should we start?”

A shiver skated down my body and I said barely above a whisper, “What-what do you mean?”

He tilted his head and a smirk danced over his lips. “Well, as I said before I feel like I must go through how you are so enchanting. I can start with how I can never get enough of that tempting little mouth of yours.” He moaned as he ghosted his finger over my lips. They parted and I tried to arch into that touch; but every time I moved closer, he pulled his finger a little bit further away.

“Eddie, please,” I begged.

He tutted and moved to straddle my hips to keep me from squirming too much. The irony that now would have been the perfect time for those handcuffs resounded in the back of my hazy, lust-filled mind. “Excuse me, Miss Harding, I’m trying to teach you a lesson.” He leaned closer, eyes blazing, “You’ll need to pay attention.”

I whimpered.

“Now, where were we,” he mused, “Ah, yes.” His fingers trailed down the column of my neck in a slow torture. “Then I can go over how whenever your head tips back, I want to run my tongue down your neck.” Just as he finished his statement, I felt his hot tongue press to my overly sensitive skin of my neck. Then he nipped at my collar bone before he raised up to gaze into my eyes again.

His hot hands seared into my hips, under my shirt. His eyes never left mine and waited in silent question. I managed a single nod and his hands moved in a blazing trail up my sides, taking the shirt with it. My eyes fluttered in the sensations.

“I can also discuss how your waist just begs me to hold it every hour of every day. Whether it’s in a tender hold or in a desperate clutch of passion.” I moaned into his touch as he hands squeezed me. His hands stopped as they cupped the underside of my breasts and I squirmed; I wordlessly begged him to palm them.

He tutted into my ear. “We’re about to get to one of my favorite parts” I bit into my lip. If I could burst into flame, I would have in that moment. He chuckled darkly as if he could read my thoughts. “These stunning works of art need to be worshipped.” He traced his fingers along the underside of my heavy breasts and my breath came in pants.

“I could spend an entire afternoon either playing with them in my hands and fingers, or sucking your sensitive nipples until you’re a moaning mess.” I was nearly ready to scream when he flipped the cotton of my shirt over my breasts and the cold air hit them. A desperate moan escaped me as I flung back my head.

He’d barely touched me and I was approaching that delicious edge.

Eddie hummed as he took me in and began to roll my hardened nipples between his fingers. His mouth came down and took my right nipple, and his teeth scraped over the puckered bud. My body arched off the mattress.

His hand moved back down my side as he blew cold air against my breast. “But, while I love your breasts, our next topic is better than air, better than anything in the world.” His fingers slipped below the waistband of my shorts and were met with a pool of wetness; his eyes flashed to mine. “So wet, already, princess?” He tutted and my hips bucked up into him, as he still pinned me.

“Eddie, please,” I begged, “touch me.”

“Since you asked so nicely,” he purred. In a swift movement he removed my sleep shorts and underwear and I was bare before him. Eddie dipped and his mouth attached to me and I arched completely from the mattress. A desperate cry tore through me. His hands took hold of my hips and pressed them back down so that he could continue.

His tongue flicked against me as one of his hands slid from my hip to the inside of my thigh. Then, one of his fingers pressed into me and he hummed. The hum echoed through my entire being and I reached down to tangle my hand in his curls.

Just as he added a second finger, he looked up to me and said, “The most delicious taste…” Then he returned to his work. I felt the coil twisting in my core. My fingers tightened and he moaned into me again. Upon that moan the knot snapped and I went careening over the edge.

Stars burst behind my eyes and for a moment I felt completely weightless. It wasn’t until I felt Eddie gently kneading my thighs and hips that I returned to the present. I looked down to his waiting warm eyes. His lips and chin glistened. I stroked my hand from his hair to his cheek. “I love you,” I said breathlessly.

He rested his head against the inside of my leg and said, “I love you too.”

I guided him up to my lips. I tasted myself on his lips and it, surprisingly, made my heart flutter. I tilted my head and ran my tongue over the seam of his lips. His tongue met mine and he wove his hands into my hair as he lined his hips up to me. My arms clung to him, craving to be ever closer to him.

He pressed into me and I stuttered a gasp against his lips. Eddie moved inch by inch until he was seated fully inside me. He paused as I adjusted to his size. The entire time his hands moved over my hair, and caressed my cheeks, comfortingly.

He pressed his forehead to mine and asked, “Are you alright, sweetheart?”

“Yes,” I gasped. My eyes found his and I nodded my head in confirmation. “Yes, I’m ok.” I moved my hips against his to let him know that it was ok to continue.

His eyes screwed tight for a moment at my movement and his fists bunched in the sheets beside my head. Eddie pulled out, nearly completely, before he pushed back in and my eyes fluttered closed. His hand found my cheek and at the tender touch I forced my gaze to find his. “Stay with me.”

I gave a single nod and his hips began to pump faster and deeper. With all my might I kept my gaze locked with his as he pressed his forehead to mine and our breathless gasps shared the same space. My nails racked down his back, and in that moment, he pressed his lips to mine in a searing kiss that said more than our words ever could.

I felt something stronger than love, stronger than who we were in that moment. As his hands wove into my hair, I could have sworn, that my heart had stopped with the sheer passion that I felt from him, then restarted by his pure adoration. Time might as well have stopped still for us and the thread between us pulled taught.

One second, I was drifting between the pleasures that Eddie was giving me, and next I was falling like Icarus. I clutched Eddie to me as my body shook and with a final thrust, Eddie imbedded himself to the hilt and found his own release. His body shook over me and I opened my eyes just soon enough to see his face twisted into pure ecstasy.

I ran my hands over his cheeks as he pressed kisses to every available bit of skin he was able to reach on me. I felt myself saying something and I had to focus to realize that I was repeating his name, like a prayer.

He looked down to me and my heart skipped a beat. No longer did the earth hold my gravitational pull. No matter where I was it was always him. Even if we were in different worlds, it was always him. I realized that I would tear the world apart if I ever thought he was in danger or if anything happened to him.

Without moving from me, Eddie cupped my cheeks and whispered, “Penny for your thoughts?”

“You,” I said, “I’m only thinking about you.”

His face seemed to glow. His fingers brushed at my hair. “Don’t think too hard on that. Don’t want you to get nightmares,” he joked.

My heart tightened. He couldn’t bear to actually receive the compliment that he would rather joke about himself. “Never nightmares,” I whispered as I pulled his lips down to mine.

This kiss was gentle, soothing. It was a kiss that wasn’t meant to excite. Rather, it was a kiss that was meant to warm. I could have lived in that kiss for forever. But all too soon we pulled apart and Eddie, gently, moved to stand up and I clenched around the emptiness.

Eddie helped me up and began to look around my room for our clothes before he escorted me to the bathroom to get ready for bed again. When I came back into my bedroom, the bed was fixed from the disheveled mess it had turned into under our passion. Eddie was tucked under the blankets, bare chest on display as the blankets drooped at his hips, and his arm was tucked under his head.

“There she is,” he said. He held out a hand, beckoning me over. I crossed the room on still shaky legs until I crawled in beside him. Sleep was tugging heavily on me, especially after everything that we had done.

I curled up to Eddie and rested my head on his chest as my finger traced designs on his chest. “We have to get up so early,” I said absentmindedly.

Eddie chuckled and said, “Well, I guess you better get to sleep.” He booped my nose playfully.

I hummed sleepily and nuzzled into his warmth, “I was trying to when someone decided otherwise.”

Eddie hummed back and said, “I wonder who that could be?”

“Definitely some kind of crazy man.”

Eddie chuckled again, then wrapped his arms around me. “Go to sleep princess.” I nodded my head against him and before I could say anything more, sleep pulled me deep into unconsciousness.

*~*~*

I had cooked the turkey to the point that it was ready to remove the foil and crisp. The still covered bird sat in the back of Eddie’s van surrounded by the various pies and side dishes for the day. As we drove the ten minutes to Eddie’s the van filled with the smells of the food and we were both about ready to dig into the meal as we pulled into his makeshift parking spot.

We had loaded up our arms and took trips into the trailer as Wayne looked on with wide eyes. Once we were inside and the bird and dishes went into the oven to either heat up or finish cooking, we all found our seats in the Living Room.

Wayne sipped at his beer and said, “So, who’s idea was it for Beck to cook the whole meal?”

I looked between Eddie and Wayne. “Wait,” I leaned around Eddie, “did your nephew not tell you that I wanted to do this for you both?”

“He only told me that you wanted to cook what we were going to eat for the day.”

I shifted my gaze back to Eddie, brows raised, and if I was standing my hands would have been on my hips. Eddie held up his hands in surrender. “I told him what was happening. I didn’t realize I needed to go into detail.”

“Well, I’m sure, a little warning would have been appreciated,” I said.

Wayne chuckled and said, “Don’t worry, at least it’s a good surprise.” He looked to the corner of the room where the TV trays were propped up against the wall. “Besides, we have just enough trays for the three of us.”

The food was ready soon enough and we set everything up on the counter like a buffet. We all filled our plates and sat back down at our spots as we watched football. The television, mostly stayed on the Cowboys vs Cardinals game, but sometimes Wayne would flip to the Lions vs Jets game.

I didn’t much watch football but I loved watching Eddie interact with Wayne about a certain play. I was in the kitchen cleaning up and washing the dishes that we created when Wayne asked, “What’s your favorite team, kid-o?”

“To be honest, I don’t really have a team that I follow,” I rinsed off the dish in my hands, “But if I had to pick one, I’d say the New York Giants, just because that’s my dad’s team.”

Wayne nodded his head and took another swig from his beer. Eddie leaned closer and said, “He’s not saying anything because he’s upset that you’re not a Colts fan.”

“Now, you know that’s not true,” Wayne said without looking away from the television. I chuckled as I closed the dishwasher. “This young woman cooked us a wonderful meal and you’re trying to make me look bad.”

“Not at all, Mr. Munson,” I said as I came back around the counter and took up my spot beside Eddie, my legs tucked under me and my shoulder leaned against his arm. Eddie moved to wrap that arm around me and tuck me in closer. “Besides, I should be thanking you, again, for letting me join you two.”

“It’s our pleasure, sweet-pea,” my heart warmed at the term of endearment. I leaned into Eddie as Wayne continued, “You come over any time you want. This is the first year that I’m almost confident that Eddie will graduate.”

Eddie scoffed from beside me. I looked up from my drink and said, “Well, I sure hope he does.” I leaned into Eddie’s side and smiled up to him.

“It would only be because of you,” he said and placed a kiss on the top of my head.

I rolled my eyes and looked over to Wayne, “I’m sorry for the PDA. I’m sure you don’t want to see your nephew being all lovey-dovey.”

Wayne chuckled and said, “It’s fine. I’m just glad he has found someone.”

“You say that like you thought I would never find someone,” Eddie said as he clutched his chest as if he was wounded. I, once again, sat back and watched the verbal volley between Eddie and Wayne.

After a while, the trailer quieted down and only the sound of the football games filled the space. I nursed my glass of wine as I wanted to make a good impression on Wayne. My attention was pulled outside as I heard young voices yell.

I stood from my seat and peaked out the window. From across the way I saw three figures on bikes, waving their arms in the air, towards the trailer they were in front of. I knew those shouts. Eddie came up behind me and looked over my shoulder to see what I was looking at.

“What are they doing here,” he asked, also recognizing who the three people were.

“I was wondering the same thing,” I said and walked to the door. My hand rested on the doorknob as I turned to Wayne and said, “Please excuse me for one second.”

I was almost completely out the door when I heard Wayne say, “See, now son, that’s a polite young woman.”

I was still smiling when I made my way down the steps. I held up an air and called out, “Hey guys!” The three boys turned towards me with brows raised. “Happy Thanksgiving,” I said as I reached them.

“Hey Beck,” Mike said.

“Happy Thanksgiving to you,” Lucas said with a smile.

“You over at Eddie’s,” Dustin asked.

I chuckled. I wasn’t sure if I would ever get used to how they all pick up on each other’s thoughts and seem to finish each other’s sentences. “Of course, I’m at Eddie’s. What are you doing here?”

Lucas pointed a thumb towards the trailer behind them, “We’re trying to see if Max wants to hang out.”

I gave an exaggerated nod of understanding. “Would you guys like some pie? It might be good bribery for Max too.” I smiled between each of them.

Dustin’s eyes lit up and he quickly responded, “Yes, please.”

I chuckled and waved them to follow me. “Come on, I’ll wrap some up for you.” We made our way back over to the Munson’s trailer. The three boys stood up on the porch as I went in. The storm door allowed for them to see in while the front door was left open. I stood at the counter and wrapped up the rest of the apple pie.

“Hi Eddie,” Dustin called as he waved his hand excitedly.

Eddie stood from the couch, I smirked at his slow and exaggerate moves. I wondered why he was trying to act all intimidating with kids that have seen him nerd out to D&D. Eddie sauntered over to the door and said, “Hello boys.” He leaned against the door frame. “What brings you over here.”

“We’re trying to see if Max wants to hang out,” Lucas said.

“Then Beck offered us pie,” Mike finished.

Eddie’s head whipped towards me, “You’re giving them the rest of the pie?”

I walked over with the wrapped apple pie and said, “Just the rest of the apple pie. We’re keeping the pumpkin pie, and the apple crisp is still at my house.”

The three boys were trying to peek inside as they breathed deeply. “What did you make, Beck? It smells so good,” Mike said.

“Thank you. I just made a small turkey, dinner rolls, asparagus, mashed potatoes, apple pie, and pumpkin pie,” I said as I opened the storm door and handed them the apple pie.

“You made all that,” Dustin asked.

I nodded as Eddie wrapped an arm over my shoulders, pulled me close, and said, “Yes, this amazing woman not only carries all your asses in D&D and all of her classwork, but she’s also an amazing cook.” Eddie looked down and asked, “Are you even real?”

I grinned up to him and said, “Why don’t you find out, handsome.”

“On that note,” Dustin interrupted loudly, “that seems like our cue to leave!”

I chuckled as I leaned into Eddie’s side, “Sorry guys. I forget how much you hate any sort of PDA.”

Lucas held up a hand and said, “Hey, not all forms of PDA.”

“Yeah,” Mike added, “we all have girlfriends.”

“Yeah,” Dustin agreed, “it’s just weird when you guys do it.”

Eddie raised a brow, then flew though the open door and took Dustin into his arms and began to wrestle with him.

“No! No! Not near the stairs,” I shouted at them and shoved the pie into Mike’s hands. Eddie and Dustin stopped and looked over to me. I pointed to the lawn and said, “If you want to wrestle, walk down the stairs and pick it up on the lawn.”

They continued to hold each other as they squeezed down the steps together. Once on the lawn, Eddie made the first move and tried to move Dustin around in the hold. Wayne came up to my side and watched the two go at it. “What in the hell…”

“You can say that again, Mr. Munson,” I said. I glanced over to him as I said, “This happens at least once a week.”

Wayne’s brows rose just slightly as he pulled out a cigarette, then got comfortable to watch the show from one of the porch chairs. I sat in the chair beside him and curled my legs up to my chest. Wayne leaned over just slightly and offered, “I can bring us out something warm to drink. I’m sure we have hot chocolate somewhere.”

I smiled over at him and said, “That’s alright. They usually don’t wrestle long.” As I spoke, Eddie maneuvered Dustin into a headlock, and even with Dustin’s hyper flexibility, he was unable to get out of Eddie’s hold.

Dustin started patting at Eddie’s side to give up. “I yield,” Dustin yelled.

Eddie paused, without releasing Dustin, and said, “You promise to never disrespect my lady?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Yes, I swear,” Dustin said.

Eddie paused and didn’t release him quite yet. Then, without warning let go of Dustin and backed up three shuffled steps. Eddie flashed a grin and said, “No one disrespects my lady.” Then he was sauntering up to me.

“Eddie,” I said exasperatedly, “They are young and were teasing.”

Eddie looked down to me and sent me a wink. “They need to respect their queen,” Eddie said as he remained in character. I laughed and stood up beside him.

I put on a mask of importance and, what I’d imagine would be, regal confidence. “Especially since I gave you pie,” I said, unable to hold back my grin.

After a minute of silence Eddie threw back his head and began to laugh. A stomach clutching type of laugh. The overcast light made Eddie’s dark curls glow like a halo around the outside of his hair and the inner parts were darker than night. His soft alabaster skin contrasted his curls and the dark clothing perfectly. He was so perfect that it made my chest hurt.

“Well,” Wayne groaned as he stood up from the chair, “I’d say this is my cue to head in.” Wayne pressed the cigarette out into the ash tray, then made his way inside.

I turned back to the boys and wrapped an arm around Eddie’s waist. Eddie’s arm wrapped around my shoulders and tucked me in tight to his side. “Alright,” Eddie said, “I should get Beck inside.” He looked down to me and tapped my cold, red nose. “If we’re outside any longer she’s going to start shivering and if that happens, she won’t be able to stop for hours.”

“Hey,” I protested and playfully hit Eddie’s chest.

“That’s alright,” Lucas said as he looked over across the road. We could see someone peeking out from behind the curtains. “We’re going to see Max, now, anyway.”

I smiled and waved them off. “It’s no problem,” I said and hugged myself closer to Eddie, “You guys have fun and we’ll see you on Monday.”

They all waved and said their goodbyes. Once they were walking up Max’s front steps I turned back to Eddie. He looked down at me with a smile, his face going from the leader of Hellfire to my sweet Eddie.

Mine.

Eddie was mine. I could get used to that thought. I was the one that he stared at gently. Everyone else got the rough exterior, and maybe a glimpse of the gentle young man hidden beneath. But I got to see all of this. He gave me the privilege of seeing his true self every day. How did I get so lucky?

“What is it,” Eddie asked as he tapped my nose.

“Nothing,” I said and wrapped my other arm around his waist.

My teeth chattered thrice. “Oh no,” he said and quickly wrapped his other arm around my shoulders, hugging me to his chest. He guided me back inside and kicked the door shut behind us. Eddie rubbed his hands up and down my arms to try and help me get warm faster.

After a minute, I looked up to Eddie and said, “Eddie, I’m alright. You can stop.” My body rocked with each rub of my arms. He kept going. “Eddie,” I protested between laughter.

Eddie’s hands paused and he held me in front of him. He bent over, so his eyes were level with mine, a lopsided grin plastered to his face. “Warm yet,” he asked.

His umber eyes pierced mine and my breath caught. “Yes,” my voice coming out as a whisper, “Extremely.” The grin turned feral and his gaze dropped to my lips.

There was a cough from the recliner. We both looked over and Wayne held up a beer in salute, “Still here, kids.”

“Sorry Mr. Munson,” I said with a cringe. I turned back to Eddie and hissed in a whisper, “We need to behave in front of your uncle.” Eddie began to laugh and I, playfully, smacked his arm. “Eddie, I’m serious.”

He pulled me down the hall, just out of Wayne’s sight, and whispered, “She’s so fierce when her modesty is in jeopardy.” My heart beat sped up. It was as if Eddie could hear it. He tilted his head, “Nervous, princess?”

I glanced back to the living room then back to Eddie. “We have to behave,” I whispered.

Eddie’s hands found my waist and he turned me down the hall. He took a step toward me, and I began to let him guide me backwards down the hall. My confusion must have been plane on my face because his smirk remained and he whispered, “I sure hope you can keep quiet. How embarrassing would it be if poor Uncle Wayne hears you.”

I swallow thickly as we passed through the doorway into Eddie’s room. Eddie nudged the door closed and sat me down on his bed. Slowly, he went over to the stereo and put in a cassette. Music filled the room and he turned on his heels back towards me.

Heat coursed through me like a wave. My eyes shot to the stereo, then to the door. Eddie stood before me and pinched my chin; the action dragged my attention back up to him. His gaze was burning. “Where is your mind wandering off to,” he asked deeply. I glanced back to the door then to Eddie. “Stay with me.”

I nodded and took a deep breath.

“Good girl,” Eddie purred and his fingers wove into my hair, “Just stay with me.” He inched closer, he never took his gaze from mine. I could feel the buzz between my lips and his when finally, he kissed me.

My hands gripped his arms and I hummed into the kiss. In that kiss I could imagine that one day we would have our own place. A place where we could live, enjoy each other, love each other endlessly. In that kiss, there was warmth and home.

I moved my hands up his arms and slowly wrapped my arms around his neck. I pulled him towards me and I laid back on the mattress. Eddie moved his kisses down my jaw and neck. I panted in the heated space.

His calloused fingers skated up my sides under my shirt. “Such a good girl,” he whispered against my sensitive skin. I bent my knees and rested my feet on the edge of the mattress. Eddie rested in the space between my legs and hummed contentedly.

He brushed his nose up my neck and a shiver ran through my body. “Eddie,” I breathed.

“Sh,” he cooed. My heart was racing. “What do you want, princess,” Eddie whispered then nipped my earlobe.

A wanton moan escaped me and Eddie chuckled deeply. His chuckle vibrated through my body and made my core clench. Between pants I managed to whisper, “I – I want…”

Clack! Clack! Clack!

Both our gazes shot to the door. “Ed,” Wayne’s voice called from the other side, “Just turn down the music a bit.”

Eddie grinned down to me then yelled, “You got it!” He hopped up, moved over to the stereo and turned it down. “Better,” Eddie called back.

“Thanks,” Wayne answered.

It was silent on the other side of the door, and Eddie turned back to me. He slowly made his way back towards me, that grin found its way back to his features. “Now, where were we,” he teased.

“Eddie wait,” I whispered.

He immediately stopped. The grin disappeared and his entire demeanor shifted.

“I - Um,” I said quietly and felt a blush creep to my cheeks. I looked down to try and hide behind my hair. When Eddie remained silent, I returned my gaze to him. A worried look had replaced the heated one. His shoulders were slumped and his fingers twitched at his side. “Hey,” I said and held out my hands to him.

Eddie slowly came closer and placed his hands in mine. “Did I do something wrong,” Eddie asked quietly.

“No,” I said and squeezed his hands gently. I pulled him closer and cupped my hand over his cheek. “I just – The music is gone and I just don’t want Wayne to hear me,” I said. Even though I felt a blush heat my face, I refused to look away. Why was I being so nervous? Eddie has seen me more than anyone ever has and never judged me. A small smile came to my face and I tilted my head as I said, “Notice how I said, hear me.”

A small grin pulled at Eddie’s lips. He sunk to his knees before me and leaned into my hand still on his cheek. He closed his eyes and kissed my palm. The action so intimate that my stomach flipped within me.

“God,” I whispered as I committed this moment to memory. His long, dark lashes that brushed his cheeks; his full lips that rested in an easy smile. “I love you, Eddie Munson,” I sighed.

His brows pinched just slightly and his one hand moved over mine to press it into his face, and the other squeeze my hand that still held his. His breathing turned heavy and when he opened his eyes they shimmered with tears. “I-,” his voice cracked.

He closed his eyes, a tear slipped down his cheek. As it slid down that flawless cheek, I extended my thumb and swiped it away.

Eddie sucked in a shaky breath and continued, “I love you. I don’t know what I did to deserve you coming into my life. I never want to screw it up.” His lip quivered. “I don’t want to lose you.”

I slid off the mattress so I kneeled with him on his old carpet. Our knees touched and I moved my arms to pull him into a tight embrace. Eddie’s arms circled me and held on tightly. I held his head to the center of my chest and pressed my lips to the top of his hair. I whispered soothingly into his curls with each kiss. “You’ll never lose me.”

If it was possible, his arms held me tighter while his shoulders shook slightly.

“Even if the world falls apart, I will always stand beside you,” I whispered, “I will always fight for you, and I will never leave you.” With my lips pressed back into his hair I said, “I will always love you.”

Eddie took in a shaky breath then looked up to me. Tears streaked his cheeks and I wiped each one away with my thumbs. I began to kiss his cheeks where the tears were until a weak chuckle left his lips. “I don’t deserve you,” he said quietly.

“Sure, you do,” kiss to his right cheek, “Besides, shouldn’t I be the one to decide who deserves me?” I kissed his left cheek. “And I think,” I moved his bangs out of the way and kissed his forehead, “you’re pretty damn worthy.” I kissed the tip of his nose, then sat back to look into his eyes.

“You think,” he asked as he placed his hands over mine that still cupped his face. I nodded as a playful grin teased my lips. He took my hands in his and removed them from his cheeks. He brought them to his mouth and began kissing my fingertips.

After a minute, he just rested his lips against the tops of my hands and closed his eyes. Slowly, I guided him up from the floor and we crawled into bed. I lied back and rested against the wall and positioned Eddie to lay his head on my lap. From his bedside table, I picked up his copy of The Fellowship of the Ring and opened to the first page.

“Chapter One: A Long-expected Party,” I read aloud, “When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton.”

I held the book in one hand and the other combed through Eddie’s curls. As I read to him, I twirled his curls into perfect little ringlets, then brushed them all through and started again.

By the end of the second chapter Eddie was breathing heavy and had fallen asleep. I quietly closed the book and set it back down in its place. I continued to comb through his hair with one hand, while the other, I trailed my fingertips over his back.

The cassette had long run out and stopped, the sun set and the only light came from his lamp in the far corner of the room. I listened to Eddie’s slow, deep breaths and matched my soothing strokes to those breaths.

I wasn’t sure what took over, but softly I began to hum. As I hummed my own eyes grew heavier and heavier. Even when my eyes had shut and they refused to reopen, I continued to hum.

*~*~*

I was drawn awake and noticed that the room was dark and Eddie was crawling back into bed. My voice was thick with sleep when I said, “You ok?”

Eddie froze and in the moon light I saw his brows rise under his bangs. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

I hummed and nuzzled into the blankets that were wrapped around me. “It’s ok,” I mumbled, “Come cuddle me?”

A smile appeared on his face and Eddie tucked himself behind me. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me into him I hummed as his warmth enveloped me. He pressed his nose into my hair and his hot breath fanned my neck. “Go back to sleep, princess,” he whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[burner123632570780657677]

Cw// CSA/abuse/harassment

Okay to combat any misinfo that’s going to eventually come to light. I am the victim to traffic monsoon’s former CEO ponzi schemer Charles David Scoville. I have for a couple of years kept my head down.

But with him possibly being released in November I feel like I can’t be quiet anymore. If he gets released theres a high chance he will talk about it again and try to defend himself poorly.

Where do I even start. From my timeline of events and how I remember it I am going to use dates to try to keep my age out of it but when he was sentenced I was still a minor. I am an adult now. Not sure when my mom met him exactly but I knew about him back to 2004. Not sure what month or day because I was still a child. He put her into an abusive marriage and hurt not only me but my siblings in the process of this. He is diagnosed with bipolar. He created a highly abusive unstable environment for everyone involved.

(Abuse in depth)

He is physically and emotionally abusive. Specific details I do remember is he would physically hit us and dump water on us and claim to have put spiders in our hair. Knowing my sibling had arachnophobia. Multiple times he would just hit me for zero reason and depended on his mood. He broke my arm in a fit of rage and then tried to play it off to my mom that it was an accident. He did it deliberately. The sexual abuse and grooming came later on. He started being weird and sexualizing me. The sexual abuse and grooming started around 2006 ended in around 2010 when I was taken out of my mom’s care. She was not aware of ANY of this until I had come back in 2011. She didn’t know about what had happened until about 2012-2014 when my vents had gotten to her. My mom had been a single mom with 2 kids at the time and worked all the time. He took advantage of this and would care for us. Albeit in largely destructive and harmful ways. I am not detailing the sexual abuse because I honest to god can’t remember how many times it really happened and my memory is really poor with those events. It’s really repressed now. He admitted later that he was indulging in csem content around these events. I have really severe dissociation. So even if I do dig up these memories they’re far and between.

Right when this had all come to light originally I went to the DOJ and put in my report. They said there wasn’t enough evidence to convict him and my case was closed. I was devastated and internalized a lot of my abuse for years.

In late 2015 Charles would send my mom a long email detailing the abuse he did to us. Which by the time my mom had read it he somehow had either her password or a way to delete the email in its entirety.

Around 2016/17 he started making videos on his facebook trying to “talk to me” in hopes I’d forgive him. He was manic and trying to get my attention and sympathy and I had no care for it. But my mom had to get him to take down the videos and he had leaked my legal name in the process. I never saw the videos. I don’t want to. I don’t care.

He also took one of my siblings that was in his custody and tried to flee the state and was detained for it.

Dec 2017 he came to my house to drop off a item. This was right around when he again sent the email again. My mom had time to screenshot it and show it to the police and reopen my case. We went and lawyered up. I had asked if there was absolutely anyway he could try to twist this and what I can do. He already admitted to it. But he was a coward and instead of actually being sorry like he claimed he took the plea bargain. In utah CSA is a first degree felony. He had 2 counts. He went from sexual assault of a minor to attempted sexual assault of a minor. He did it. And if he was actually sorry for any of it he wouldn’t have taken the plea bargain like he promised.

He would on and off harass me and my family and claim we were lying and just trying to destroy his life. I wish it was just a bad nightmare or some kinda fucked up lie so bad. He can’t take back what he did.

Was sentenced in January of 2019. Has been in prison ever since.

He is now in protective custody and in 2021 he was denied parole but there was no reason given. His sentence was 3 years minus what he had done in prison and to complete the sex offender program. He’s on the registry for life. My guess is he will never finish the program on the account that in court he blamed me and made a complete ass of himself with his whole superiority complex.

The forums

Yes I saw the comments against me on the forums questioning the validity and straight up being nasty to me. You are grown adults. It’s genuinely so nasty. The amount of times I have debated on saying anything is ridiculous. I as a victim shouldn’t have to defend myself. Especially over my own CSA and abuse. I already had his parents claiming I was lying about this entire thing. I have never lied about sexual assault or abuse ever. I have no reason to. The whole reason I have been quiet about this is because I do not want the attention. Just to get my story out there. But I really fear that I am not the only victim in this.

The way he tries to paint himself as a saint and victim at the same time is so disgusting to me. All he ever did was destroy my life and continue to try doing so. I am not surprised that being a predator to kids wasn’t enough. He is such a slimy disgusting individual. Don’t donate to him. Don’t give his family money. They are so deluded and can’t admit that I have been abused by him. He multiple times had told me to not talk about it to anyone. He was very aware of his actions.

I did everything right. But I am sick of being talked for.

[lilareviewsbooks]

“Senlin Ascends”’ Odd Choices For A Romance

3/5 stars

448 pages 

Contains: a shy nerd; a tower full of crazy things; steampunk! Let’s go steampunk!

Senlin Ascends required stepping outside my bubble, something I’ve been periodically doing this past year in hopes of reading all the fantasy “classics” or important works in the genre. My bubble, of course, being my little gay SFF books. Senlin Ascends is most definitely not queer, not in the slightest. In fact, it is so straight I feel like I need to make a proper complaint: there’s no gay people! Not to mention the shocking absence of people of color from the cast of characters, save for the occasionally ambiguous “olive skin”. And this was published in 2013!

Anyway, before I go on my tirade: what is this book about? It follows Thomas Senlin, the headmaster of a school in a tiny village, and his wife Marya. They’ve just gotten married and chosen a fantastic honeymoon destination – the Tower Of Babel, which Thomas idolizes as the pinnacle of civilization. Tragedy strikes, though, as soon as they arrive – Thomas and Marya lose each other at the base of the Tower, and it’s up to Thomas to navigate its many floors in search of her. However, his previous impressions about the Tower might be completely wrong – maybe it’s not all that civilized, after all.

When it comes to social concerns, I have an even bigger one. The main relationship in the book – Senlin and his new wife Marya – has a 10 year age gap, which I guess is fine if both parties were consenting adults when the relationship began (which, as I understand, they were). The problem I have is that they were teacher and student when they met, and Marya was a minor at the time. And listen: I hate student teacher relationships with a passion. I don’t care if it’s fictional – do you know how many kids will read these kinds of books while still in school and internalize that this is normal? Like, no! This is bad! 

But even without this social issue, I think this is just so, so avoidable. In Chapter 13 of Part 2, it’s established that Marya was a student at the school when Senlin became headmaster – that is, he wasn’t teaching there when she was first enrolled in the school. Now, this makes sense because Senlin is a headmaster and the only teacher in a small town, which only has one multi-serial school. He must’ve taught almost all the village’s younger citizens. But if Marya was already a student, why not age her up a little bit (a matter of 2 years, or some such, so the big age gap between Senlin and Marya can be kept, in case that’s important) so that she wasn’t in school at the time Senlin took the helm there? Why must they have been student and teacher at some point? It’s just so incredibly predatory – the age difference might already raise a few eyebrows, but the fact that he knew her since she was underage, and had power over her? That’s so weird!

And although this book and its series are very popular in the fantasy sphere of BookTube, for example, I haven’t heard comments on this at all. I had no idea that they were student and teacher, at all, because I’d never heard anyone mention it. I think this isn’t something we can ignore, and it says something about the message the book is trying to convey. 

Of course, as always, I hold out hope that this will be some sort of critique, or that the narrating voice or the characters themselves will condemn or discuss this issue, in further installments of the series. But, judging from the lack of representation for any minority groups in this at all, I’m assuming social consciousness isn’t at the top of the author’s list of priorities – which I guess is fine? I don’t know, I don’t want to tell anyone how to live their lives or write their books. 

Apart from this concern, Senlin Ascends is – and I’ll put it as eloquently as I can – meh. 

It has strong characters, that’s for sure. Quirky ones that appear and reappear as Senlin goes through the Tower, whose personalities are convincing and well thought-out. Senlin himself evolves as a person throughout the story, which is satisfying to watch, especially when it intermingles with other characters’ arcs. But there’s something quite predictable about the structure, as Senlin continues to go up the Tower, find something odd and vaguely steampunk-y, and then leave to continue on upwards. This is held together by short chapters, which almost always end in either a cliff-hanger or in a revelation. This is a common tactic in popular writing, and I don’t think it’s necessarily bad, it just loses its efficacy and all meaning when it's done so much – not to mention how tiring it is. The short chapters sometimes fall flat, as it feels like there’s something missing and the atmosphere needs a little tending, which would’ve happened if Mr. Bancroft had opted for longer chapters.

Senlin Ascends is the first book in a series, The Books of Babel, which spans four books. From what I’ve heard from BookTube (specifically, I’m thinking of a video by Tall Guy Reads), the books become more epic, as the scope of the story shifts from “trying to get to Marya” to “saving the world”. This doesn’t really entice me. What led me to Senlin Ascends in the first place was its premise – and I liked how contained the story felt, how small it was in comparison to other fantasies. This was what would’ve kept me on track to finish the series. Unfortunately, given the mediocre experience I had with this first book, not to mention the weird origin of the main relationship, I think I’ll be calling it quits now. I’m really not interested in seeing this expand and become a “saving the world” story. I think the strength of the book lies in its protagonist and supporting cast, all of which don’t have much to do with saving the world, and whose backstory was compelling enough without it being fuel to do something heroic. 

If you’ve read this one, I’m curious to know your thoughts and would love to hear them! I’ve seen so many people love this one, so I’m wondering what I missed and if it was just a matter of not connecting with the story as much as others.

[thesoftestirises]

want || e.m.

♡ pairing: eddie munson x reader ♡ rating : 18+ (all characters are consenting adults) || minors DNI ♡ word count : 2.6k ♡ warnings : nipple play, oral (f receiving), fingering, dirty talk, name calling, p in v sex  ♡ summary : eddie just wants to make sure your first time is perfect. you just want him. ♡ an : i’m just going to pretend that whole mess that was volume 2 did not happen.

“How did you picture losing your virginity?” Eddie asked.

Your eyes snapped open. “What?”

Eddie casually shrugged, fingers absentmindedly playing with the corner of the picnic blanket you were both laid out on. “Just wondering. If you still want me to take it, I want to make sure it’s perfect.”

“Of course I still want it to be you. I thought you didn’t want me. You kept saying no and not explaining why.”

“That’s absurd. I’ll always want you,” he scoffed. “I just wanted to be sure that you wanted me. Didn’t want to do anything you might regret in the future.”

“I’ve always wanted you, Eddie,” you smiled, reaching up to cup his cheek. “I don’t know why you keep doubting it.”

He chuckled and wrapped his fingers around your wrist, gently pulling your hand away. He fiddled with your ring, the one he gifted you on your second date, before continuing. “Don’t get me off topic. Certainly there was something you were getting off to before you met me. Some vague idea that got you hot and bothered. What did you touch yourself to, hm? I’m dying to know.”

You sucked in a sharp breath and looked away. “Well, um, I’m not sure.”

“Do you want control? Or do you want me to hold you down? Either would be good for me,” he said, bringing his hand down to stroke the delicate flesh of your throat and playfully wrap around your neck. “I’ll be inside of you regardless.”

“Jesus, you say the dirtiest things.”

“You wouldn’t have it any other way. Tell me, baby. Where does your sinful mind wander when you’ve got your hands between your perfect thighs?”

Your face flushed with heat and your mouth went dry as Eddie stared at you. “I just pictured being taken, really cherished. Like whoever was touching me was addicted and couldn’t get enough.”

“I’ve already got that covered. A little more specific, angel.”

“I’d want to be able to see you,” you said.

“Me too,” he said as he traced your lips with his thumb. “I want to see your face as I sink into you and make you mine in every way possible. I can’t even begin to imagine how pretty you’d look when I’m deep inside of you. Your sugar sweet lips parted in pleasure, your beautiful eyes sparkling with unshed tears... Your warm, tight cunt surrounding my cock.”

“Stop teasing me and just do it, Eddie,” you said, sitting up and kneeling between his legs.

He blinked in surprise. “Right now?”

“Unless you don’t want to?” you said, immediately beginning to backtrack out of embarrassment.

“I do, but I didn’t bring any condoms-“

“Do we really need condoms if I have an IUD?”

He closed his eyes and sucked in a harsh breath. “In general, yes, because you could still get an STD. But... you’ve never been with anyone, and I’ve never done it unprotected-“

“So we’d be okay then? Because I think I’d like it better that way.”

“Yeah?” He teased as he kissed down the line of your neck, drawing soft whimpers from your lips. “You want me to cum inside of you?”

His fingers moved to the hem of your shirt, dragging the fabric up your stomach inch by inch. While you had stripped in front of Eddie multiple times, this time felt distinctly different. The air between you felt electric and heavy. Eddie placed his hands on the bare skin of your waist and leaned in for another kiss. You parted your lips and let him lick over the sensitive roof of your mouth. You whimpered and tried to get him to speed up, pressing yourself against the line of his body eagerly. He smiled against your lips and slipped the straps of your bra off your shoulders.

“Eddie,” you whined.

“Patience, angel. Let me look at you,” he said, gently pushing you back to take your bra off completely. You pouted but did as he asked, letting him admire you in silence. His dark eyes were glazed over, reflecting the stars that hung above you. You stayed still as he reached out to trail his hands over your breasts, squeezing and plucking at your nipples until they stiffened under his touch. He then tugged you closer and laid you out on the checkered blanket underneath him. You reached out for him and whined in protest when he gripped your wrists and forced them over your head.

“Don’t move,” he warned.

Eddie’s gaze remained locked on yours as he lowered himself to your chest, leaving open mouthed kisses all over your flesh. You shivered as he brushed his lips over your skin, his touch feather light. After a minute of build up, he took a nipple into his mouth. You closed your eyes, letting yourself sink into the familiar feeling of Eddie’s warm, wet mouth. You tangled your fingers in the fabric of the blanket below you in an effort to not touch him while he switched his attention over to your unabused bud. He laved over both your breasts, leaving them shiny with his spit before finally pulling off with a lewd pop.

“You make a pretty picture when you’re ruined. I’m excited to see how you’ll look once I’m done wrecking your pussy. I’m going to leave you dripping with my cum, angel, I’m going to destroy your innocence. That’s what you wanted, right?”

“Fuck,” you gasped, squirming in his hold. “Yes, yes. That’s what I wanted. I want you to cum in me so bad, Eddie, please.”

“You like that? I should have known when you kept asking to get fucked. You’re a little cum slut, aren’t you?”

“Your cum slut,” you corrected.

He smiled and moved his hands to your skirt, slipping his fingers under the waistband. He kissed the sensitive skin of your stomach before impatiently pulling the fabric off your legs and tossing it to the side. You let out a shuddering breath as Eddie came face to face with your clothed pussy.

“Fuck,” he murmured, pressing his nose to the fabric and inhaling while you squeaked in surprise.

“You smell so good, angel,” he said, biting into the flesh of your thighs. You sighed and spread your legs, your core beginning to ache from the lack of attention.

“Touch me,” you pleaded.

He chuckled and moved a hand to your panties. He gently parted your lower lips through the fabric, playing with your clit and purposely working you up. You writhed under his touch, torn between feeling overwhelmed and understimulated. He cooed at you and moved his fingers down to your entrance. “You’re soaking, angel. Are you that excited?”

“Yes, I want it so bad.”

“I’m going to give it to you,” he promised, pushing your panties to the side and dragging his fingers through your wetness. Eddie knew where every sensitive part of you was and he easily abused the knowledge, rubbing over your clit until you were gasping and on the verge of tears. You arched your back into his touch, unable to speak as he purposely pushed you to a quick orgasm.

He hummed in satisfaction as you came apart in his hands and parted your sensitive folds, ignoring your little noises of protest. He lowered himself and wrapped his lips around your clit, holding your thrashing hips down while he harshly sucked on the small bud. Your mind went completely blank at the overstimulation. All you knew was the man between your legs and the feeling he created in you. He moved his attentions to your entrance, opening your folds as far as possible before spitting directly into your hole. You gasped as he pushed it inside with a single finger, coating your inner walls with his saliva. He repeated the process over and over until you were dripping onto the blanket below you. But instead of stopping, he inserted the tip of his tongue into your entrance.

“Oh my God!” You moaned.

He gave you a wicked smile and dived back in. The sensation of his tongue prodding your inner walls was strange. It was warm and flexible in a way that got you squirming. New, but not unpleasant. You arched into his mouth and grabbed onto his hair, instinctually wanting more. He allowed you to have control for ten seconds before wrestling it back, trapping your wrists to the side and fucking you slowly with his tongue.

“Eddie- Eddie, I’m gonna come again.”

“Do it, angel,” he murmured against your folds. “Coat my face in your juices.”

You shivered as you came for the second time that night. Eddie pulled off you with a pleased grin, his lips red and swollen, his chin shiny with your combined fluids. His face was your final straw. You wanted him, no, needed him.

“Fuck me,” you pleaded. “Stop teasing and fuck me.”

“Okay, okay,” he said, disentangling himself from your body. “Just lay there and take a minute to breathe, I need to get undressed.”

You watched him in awed fascination. Even when Eddie was doing the most mundane, human things, he looked beautiful. The moonlight drew silver shadows over Eddie’s cheekbones and eyelashes, sharpening his features. He slipped his shirt off over his head and exposed the broad line of his shoulders to your hungry gaze. He noticed you looking at him and smiled, shaking his head as he slipped his pants and boxers off and tossed them to the side. Your eyes remained on his when he repositioned himself between your legs and finally took your panties off.

“I’ve got to stretch you out, princess,” he said, gently touching your drooling entrance. “Are you still doing okay? You know we can stop at any point, right?”

“I’m fine, Eddie. I trust you. If I don’t like something, I’ll tell you,” you reassured him. “Promise me you’ll do the same?”

He smiled and kissed your cheek. “I promise, angel.”

“Good. Now hurry up.”

“So impatient,” he smirked, prodding your entrance and sinking his ring finger into you. Your eyes rolled back as he pumped the digit inside of you, curling his fingers against your walls and pressing into every sensitive spot you had. He quickly added a second and third and spread his fingers out inside you, gently preparing your body to take him. Your breathing picked up as he introduced a fourth digit into your entrance. The reality was finally beginning to set in. Eddie was going to take your virginity.

“Still doing okay?”

“Wonderful,” you smiled, pulling him down and kissing him. He tasted strongly like you, but you didn’t mind.

He pulled his fingers out and gave you one last, chaste kiss. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

He spat into his palm and wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking it a few times before positioning the head at your entrance. You swallowed and watched his cock as he slowly began to push in. You gasped at the burn of the stretch and stared at the spot where your bodies were connected. The intrusion was overwhelming and he wasn’t even a fifth of the way in. Eddie reached out for your hands, interlacing your fingers.

“Angel, look at me. Look at me,” he said, waiting until you turned your wide eyes on him. “If you want to stop, we can stop. But if you want to keep going, you have to relax.”

You nodded, focusing on evening out your breathing. “Go.”

“Keep your eyes on me,” he said. “I won’t hurt you.”

You nodded and spread your thighs further. He kissed your forehead and nose before taking a deep breath and continuing. You winced but found it easier to tolerate after the initial push. Once you stopped focusing on the discomfort, you were able to marvel at the fact that he was inside you. Any space that had once existed between you was gone. You surprised yourself when tears began cascading down your cheeks uncontrollably. Eddie carefully kissed them away, murmuring sweet nothings.

“Let me know when you’re ready, angel. You’re doing so well,” he whispered.

You sniffled and gave him a watery smile. “I love you.”

He chuckled and squeezed your hands. “I love you more.”

You finally gave him permission to move when the ache between your legs dulled. He carefully pulled out before pushing back in, his cock dragging along your inner walls in a way that had you gasping. It felt like he was pressed up against every nerve ending you had. Sparks of pleasure began to run up your spine and you were finally beginning to understand what the hype was about.

“Go faster,” you said.

“Are you sure?”

“Please, Eddie. Cum in me.”

He hissed and moved his hands to your hips for leverage. His fingertips pressed into your skin hard enough to bruise but you loved it. You watched him bite down on his lower lip and begin picking his pace up. You panted as your combined temperatures rose and you started to sweat. Eddie looked equally as affected, his hair messy and his skin flushed as he took his pleasure from you. His eyes were closed as his necklace dangled over your face.

He reached between your thighs and began thumbing at your clit. You whined and gripped his wrist, torn between begging him to stop or keep going. You felt like a mess. All you knew was the man above you and the way he made you feel.

“Look- look at me,” he grunted as his hips slammed into yours.

You whined but obeyed, staring up at Eddie’s glittering eyes. He shifted and began pushing right against your sweet spot. He timed his thrusts to match his ministrations on your clit. Your toes curled as the heat in your belly began to build for the third time that night.

“Are you getting close?” He asked.

You nodded, unable to speak.

“Me too, angel,” he said. “Just hold on a bit more, okay?”

“Mm.”

Eddie smiled and focused on keeping his pace steady. After a few moments, he started getting louder, his groans giving way to melodic moans. He was getting close, you realized. You purposely clenched down on him, causing him to let out a surprised gasp. He retorted by slamming deeper into you, punching embarrassed squeaks from your lips. Once your thighs began shaking and hips started to stutter, he grabbed your chin and looked you in the eyes.

“Come, Y/N,” he demanded.

You practically blacked out as you both crashed over the edge together. He moaned and bit down on your shoulder while he spent himself deep inside your shaking body. You laid there, wide eyed and open mouthed for a solid minute while Eddie patiently wiped your forehead and checked your pulse. When you finally came to, you grabbed him and kissed him breathless.

“I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you,” you said between kisses.

“I love you more,” he replied. “Give me a second, I need to pull out.”

You whined at the loss of warmth as Eddie separated from you, but quickly stopped when you felt a liquid trickle out of your entrance.

He came in you. You didn’t know why you were so surprised, you literally gave him permission to. But it was something else to feel. He had taken your virginity and the aftermath laid between your legs.

Eddie chuckled, scooping the fluid into his fingertips and pushing it back into you. “Don’t let it go to waste, angel.”

“Oh, my God,” you moaned.

“My name’s actually Edward, beautiful,” he teased. “I’m guessing you liked it?”

“You’re incredible. I’m never going to find anyone half as good as you,” you sighed, boneless and fully sated.

He winced but quickly masked the expression with a cocky grin. “You’re absolutely right.”

He helped you stand and redress, laughing at how your knees shook when you tried to walk. He quickly apologized and offered to give you a piggyback ride when you pouted and reminded him that he did that to you. You kissed him one last time before you separated and went to bed with his cum still dripping out of you. You’d deal with the consequences later.

thank you for reading  ♡  you can find my masterlist here   

[fortheloveofwonderland]

💦 🚪 🍯 📆

Thank you! ❤️

💦 sleeping together for the first time

🚪 showing up at the other's door, begging for comfort

🍯 friends to lovers

📆 office romance

A/N- Set post 14.1 300. Office romance is kind of foreshadowed at the end of the fic. Switched things up and decided to write this first person. If I’d left out the wordy backstory this might have actually been blurb length.

CW - swearing, sad Spencer, mentions of cuts of bruises, tears, allusions to sex and some mild sexual content (still NSFW) but not graphic, hurt comfort, friends to lovers. Minors DNI.

WC - 1.7k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don’t Need Words

I didn’t know where else to go.

It didn’t sound much like a life changing sentence and on its own, maybe it wasn’t.

But the events that transpired following the speaking of that sentence would inevitably change everything.

I’d known Spencer Reid long before he was Doctor or Agent. We met one rainy afternoon in Nevada when I found him sitting on the steps of our high school.

His mother had forgotten to collect him, it wouldn’t be until years later that he would tell me why.

I knew of him before that. He was younger than me and all our classmates and smarter than probably even our teachers.

I offered the kid a ride home and I guess as they say, the rest is history.

He gave me a love of learning and I soaked in everything he told me as though I was a sponge desperate for moisture. I’d been a complete underachiever when I met him, barely clawing my way through high school.

But Spencer had filled me with so much knowledge that not only did I pass high school, I went to college too, something my parents never expected of me.

Spencer and I joined the academy together. The way he talked about his desire to be in the FBI lit a fire in me too. He excelled at the practical aspects while I excelled more on the physical.

But we both passed through, him going onto work for the BAU and me counterintelligence. Both of which were conveniently located in the neighbouring states of Virginia and Washington.

It had been close to fifteen years now since we relocated to the East Coast and I’d probably seen him fewer times than the number of years we’d lived here.

We’d stayed in touch via birthday cards each year, a gentle reminder that we still thought enough about each other to go out of our way to buy a card and mail it.

The last time I saw Spencer was when he was in prison. His friend Emily had called me and told me the news so I drove out to Milburn to see him. Only once.

Emily had also called me again when he’d been released two years ago. And I meant to see him, I really did, but I guess life got in the way.

The birthday cards continued but I didn’t see him again after his release.

So when there was a knock that evening, I didn’t think anything of it.

Until I opened the door and I damn near forgot how to breathe.

I still pictured him in my mind as the small, rain soaked boy on the front steps of our Las Vegas high school. Somewhere in my mind the memory of adult Spencer had gotten skewed and distorted.

So I can’t help that my first thought when I saw him outside my door was, damn when did he get so fucking hot?

That thought was almost instantly replaced, however, with fear.

He had deep purple bruising around his mouth and eye socket and a gash above his eyebrow covered in dried blood.

Yet he still looked better than the last time I’d seen him when he was in prison.

“I didn’t know where else to go.” He croaked out while I stood slack jawed taking him in. “There was a…uh…hostage thing. I was held hostage by a cult. They wanted to make me their three hundredth victim. Hence the uh…face.”

I tried to force my mouth to speak but staring at Spencer made my brain short circuit.

I opened my mouth a few times but nothing came out. He must have noticed because he averted his gaze and scuffed his toe on the floor.

“I shouldn’t have come here. I don’t even know why I came here. I just…” he looked back at me and I saw the unshed tears causing his eyes to glisten. “I thought I was going to die today. And the only face I wanted to see was yours.”

The floodgates opened and suddenly Spencer was sobbing. Out of instinct, my hands flew to him to pull him close, across the threshold of my apartment and into my waiting arms.

I got him to the couch where he collapsed and sobbed into my shoulder. I still hadn’t spoken a word. If truth be told, I didn’t know what to say.

He seemed to find enough comfort in my arms that I didn’t need to speak.

We sat in silence while I held him, the sound from his sobs that started warping into pained sighs after a while was the only noise filling the room.

When he sat back, he ran his fingers first through his hair and then gently over his face avoiding his bruises.

He looked at me with those hazel eyes that hadn’t changed since he was thirteen years old. The dark circles and lines around them were a new addition, but it was still the same eyes I knew so well.

“Spencer,” I finally spoke but I still didn’t have the words to offer him so I stopped short.

He smiled at me and like his eyes it lit familiarity in me.

I can’t say that I’ve never looked at Spencer Reid as more than just a friend without lying. But I’d never wanted him to be just a friend any less than I did at that precise moment.

Somehow, he must have been thinking the same. Without any more words shared between us he took my face in his hands and placed the most loving kiss on my lips.

And I relented to him, like a lamb to the slaughter. In one kiss I gave myself over to him fully; mind, body and soul.

The second kiss was much more heated and I allowed his tongue access to my mouth while he gripped my face tightly as though he was scared I may vanish.

I couldn’t go anywhere if I tried. I belonged to Spencer at that moment. I’d belong to him for as long as he needed me.

I let him lead me to my bedroom, following him blindly and allowing him to strip me of my clothes. He laid me gently on my bed like I was made of glass and he was afraid I would shatter.

I wasn’t the one likely to shatter.

He kept his eyes on mine even once I was naked and undressed himself while he stood at the side of the bed.

When he was naked he laid down on top of me and kissed me again and I was helpless to it. If this was what he needed, if this would help him quell his demons, who was I to argue? If I could help him in any way, I would.

Because as he kissed me and his hands began to roam my body, it dawned on me that I was in love with my oldest friend and I always had been. I’d hidden it so well, I’d even managed to hide it from myself.

So I would allow him to use me anyway he saw fit if it alleviated some of his pain.

His hands wandered between my legs and I moaned into his mouth at the contact. I was already wet and willing, willing for only him.

He grinded against me as his long, slender finger circled my clit. He tore his lips away from mine so he could look at me.

We exchanged words without the use of our voices. He still knew me so well, and I him, that speaking became irrelevant.

I gave him a look that told him I was ready. It told him I wanted him, that I was ready for whatever he needed from me. I’d give him whatever he needed, he knew that.

When he pushed inside of me I saw a weight lift from his shoulders and the light appeared behind his eyes. Despite his obviously fractured mental state, he was gentle with me, cautious and caring.

He kept his eyes on mine the whole time, looking right through to my soul. He knew he had me then. I could see in his eyes the moment he knew he had me.

In reality I’d been his long before this night.

He clung to my body with a desperation I’d never known. He held me tightly while he moved inside of me.

I worshiped at the altar of Spencer Reid. I drank him in, in his entirety, committing everything about this moment to memory.

This moment was the closest thing to perfect I’d ever felt. His eyes told me he felt it too.

When we finished, when the friendship we’d once had was stretched to its limits, he rolled down next to me in the bed.

His eyes searched mine for answers to questions he hadn’t asked. But I knew they would all be placated when I wrapped my arm around him and held him close.

We were silent for some time, I thought he might have even been asleep. But after a while I felt his body shift with a large sigh he let slip through his lips.

“I didn’t know where else to go.” He whispered, burying his face into the pillow as I held him tighter.

“You came to the right place, Spence.” I placed a chaste kiss on his head.

“I missed you. I just…I just needed you.” He draped his arm around my waist and nuzzled his face into my neck.

“I’ll always be here for you.” I cooed.

I wondered when would be a good time to tell him we’d be seeing a lot more of each other. It seemed strangely coincidental that he’d shown up at my door the same the day my transfer had gone through.

Maybe I’ll tell him in the morning when he’s better rested. Or maybe I’d leave it as a surprise to see the look on his face when I walk into the BAU Monday morning.

Maybe he already knew. He did always seem to be able to know what I was thinking without me having to vocalise it.

And right now we didn’t need words. All we needed was each other.