#because good behavior ought to be rewarded.)

[quietwingsinthesky]

fuck u *queerplatonics your samifer*

[merakiui]

Mera I saw your recent post about noncon jade thoughts, do tell 👀👀👀

👀 there are so many thoughts to share!!

(cw: yandere, nsfw, non-con, female reader, stalking, murder, obsessive behaviors, pregnancy, (for one of the concepts), oviposition, breeding, language barrier (for another concept), jade uses shock the heart on you <3)

✧ Jade who has been stalking cute, oblivious you. You’re so very pregnant, too, and because of that you’re often so focused on everything regarding your and the baby’s health that you fail to notice him. He stalks you, follows you wherever you go, adores watching you waddle about in pretty maternity wear. Even when you don’t intend to look nice or dressed up, you’re still a beautiful vision to him. Unfortunately, Jade’s always wanted a family with you, but you just had to go and get pregnant while he was bogged down with work. It’s upsetting and he’d sooner cut the one responsible for knocking you up into bloody shreds, but he can be patient. He can learn to love your baby even if they’re not his.

So that’s why he watches and waits for the right moment. The right moment to break in and subject your lover to a gruesome death. He knows you’d sleep through the roughest of storms, so he’s rather surprised when he hears your footfalls on the stairs. He’s in the middle of cleaning when you see him, the intruder in your home who's soaked in blood and standing over your lover's corpse. It’s quiet for all of one second and he opens his mouth to say something, but you’re just so beautiful in your nightgown and your bump is so round and filled with child and he’s so envious because this is what he’s always wanted and he’s never been able to have it and… He grabs you before you can run or call for help, silencing your screams with a hand held tightly over your mouth. You struggle, but it’s weak and awkward with your belly in the way. He soothes you with shushes, promising you he won't do anything if you stay quiet, but you're sobbing in his arms, trying and failing to muffle your cries because he told you being noisy won't end well.

Oh, you're more than perfect. You're everything.

Jade guides you back to your bedroom. You don't struggle much, but you're trembling, cradling your belly with shaky hands, and pleading: "Please, please, please... I won't call anyone. I won't do anything. So please don't hurt my baby."

Great Seven, he loves you! You make it so hard for him to hate you, do you know that? He couldn't even if he tried, and he's definitely tried.

Jade doesn't trust you, though, so forgive him when he frightens you, looming over you while he forces you to lie down. He's read up on positions, so depending on how far into your pregnancy you are he'll fuck you in the ones that are most safest and comfortable. He can't help it when your fear and trembly little whimpers make him so hard. And even though he knows he ought to wash the blood off before he does this, he's desperately impatient to have you. He's waited far too long; you must reward him for being good and waiting.

He'll work you open with skilled fingers, absently commenting about how your pussy clings to his fingers, breathlessly enamored at the way pregnancy has softened you. He's only put the second one in and you're already shuddering through an orgasm. You're truly the cutest; oh, how he wishes it had been him who got to knock you up. But it's okay; he can pretend for now. He will when he lays his hands on your belly and sweetly rambles on about how you're such a pretty mama, so good and loving, so perfect for this, so protective of your baby... He won't hurt them; he could never.

You're babbling beneath him, begging him to stop, that you're scared, that you don't want this, that it's all too much and it feels weird and you can't stop speaking in gasps and moans. Jade knows you better than you know yourself; you like this and (one day) you'll like him, too.

He almost cums the minute he slips it in. He's a mess and so sensitive. Normally he can keep his composure, but when you're so slick and tight, your walls enveloping every inch of his cock like they're starved for it, how can he possibly remain prim and perfectly composed? Sex isn't a punishment (not this time) and he's not upset with you and your choice of lovers. You have him now, and he's all you'll ever need going forward. So he's soft and slow, savoring every thrust, relishing in your voice as it wavers between fear and pleasure. He wants to hear his name from your lips; he whispers it between his own grunts: "Please... My love, my darling pearl, please say it..."

And you whine it, whimper it, sob it, say it in every way he likes because now it's the only name you know. Because it's scary to imagine what he might do if you say another man's name.

Jade's the happiest; he feels so whole and fulfilled when he's rutting into you, pressing kisses to every inch of your skin, cradling your rounded tummy and muttering sweet things to the baby: "You're so lucky to have such a wonderful mama... Oh, she's the most darling... I have to do my part to be a wonderful father, too. I'll meet your every expectation. That's a promise."

Now that Jade finally has you, he won't let you go. You're all his, but you already know that. You're far too defenselessly gravid to think about fighting back or escaping. It's better this way. Easier, even. And though he likes a challenge, he'd prefer one where it won't risk your and the baby's safety. After all, he loves you more than he's ever loved anything before. He won't lose you.

✧ Jade who uses Shock the Heart on you.

He's spent so much time wearing you down to a point where his UM will work, so when he catches and corners you you're already so mentally exhausted, so frightened of what he'll do and what he's capable of. His smile sharpens when you make the mistake of looking into his left eye. There are so many questions he wants to ask you, and now that you're under his temporary control he'll scrape the answers out of you.

He asks why you avoid him so much even though he can guess your reasonings well enough. He toys with you for the first few questions; most of them are things he's already well aware of. But it's fun to watch you speak the truth, to see panic reflected in your eyes when you know you're spilling the real reason behind all of your evasive behaviors. Jade suspects you expect him to lash out, but he's not so cruel as to punish you right away.

He needs the build-up.

He makes the mistake of asking who you're fond of, and though you try your hardest to lie your way out it just doesn't work. He's pinned you to the wall now, gripping your throat with a gloved hand. It tightens every now and then to remind you of the hold he has on you, magically and physically. Jade had braced himself for your reply long ago, so if you name a specific student you can be sure they've earned Jade's ire and dislike. He's terribly possessive; you ought to know this, and he tells you so while you shrink under his gaze.

The interrogation is a whirlwind. You're even more exhausted by the end of it, your mind spinning and filled with static. You feel so drained, hollowed of every damning truth you've done well to keep concealed. Jade licks his lips like he's just feasted on your fear and all of the truths you've uttered. It's cute you think this is the end of this exchange.

He has a proposition for you and you'd be wise to agree. He speaks his terms while his fingers dance along the hem of your uniform, teasing the fabric. Maybe he'll tear it from your person. Maybe he'll leave it be. Maybe he'll slide his hand under it to feel what's beneath. You're doing everything you can to avoid him, looking elsewhere and insisting you'll agree if he just lets you go.

He catches your chin between his fingers and forces you to meet his mismatched stare. For good measure, he slots his knee between your legs. He's smiling in spite of the friendly chill in his words.

"It's common courtesy to maintain eye contact when having a conversation. Surely you're not that much of a fool. Oh, but perhaps you are. You broke so easily under my command..."

You try to plead again: "Jade, please..."

But he won't hear any of it. He drags your face to his and seals the distance with a fleeting kiss.

"Per the terms, you're intended to say..." he encourages, digging his fingers into your jaw until it's painful.

You whine. "I... I like you, Jade! I always have!"

"And is that the truth?"

"It is. It is, I swear."

It's not and he knows this. But soon it will be.

It's a shame he can only use Shock the Heart once. He would have liked to hear the revised truth after he's done well to instill it in you.

✧ You save a beached eel merman from drying out, and as thanks he returns on a weekly basis to deliver goods from the deepest parts of the sea.

You can't understand his language, and he can just barely parse yours, struggling through foreign pronunciations. His language is musical and beyond whimsical; you can't decipher it on land, but in the water the sounds are much clearer. It's so pretty, but you have no idea what any of the calls mean. He clicks above the water sometimes, if only to get your attention while you're sorting through the trinkets and treasures he's brought you. For the most part, your bond is built through body language.

He spells a translation of his name in the sand, the letters wobbly: Jade. You spell yours in return and he spends weeks learning how to say it properly. Beyond that, though, neither of you can understand the other's spoken language. So you gesticulate a lot, and Jade understands most of what you try to articulate. You're a very amusing human. He likes to toy with you by bringing back skeletal remains or halves of his meals, bloodied and brutal. Your reactions are immensely pleasing, and he's so intrigued by your species that he continues to come back even after he's repaid his gratitude.

You bring him human things, most of which are things he's never seen or tasted or studied before. Everything you show him is so curious, and he can't help himself when he grows increasingly interested day by day. He keeps his hands to himself, mostly, if only to prevent you from running off. But you remain, even after he's scared you senseless with fish heads and their innards. He feels appreciated when you wait for him by your usual meeting place, and it isn't long before he becomes chained in a lovely habit. You are the current highlight of his life.

But then mating season rolls around, and he's left irritable, his plans put on hold as he suffers through what feels like a never-ending ache. He refuses to let go of the eggs he's made. He'll only do so if it's inside you. He's so adamant about this even though he's in such discomfort. So when he's hit his breaking point and his family encourages (or more so forces him) to meet you, he listens to instinct, tossing reason and logic aside. It doesn't matter if your species aren't compatible; he's determined to make this work. He loves you, he wants you, he needs you!

Jade seems...different when he meets you at your usual spot. His coloration is much brighter than it normally is, and the dark patterns striped across his body stand out starkly against vivid teal. When you reach out to feel his forehead, wondering if this is some sort of mer illness, he flinches and makes a sound you've never heard him make before. It's guttural and abrupt, almost like a growl or a groan. His claws dig into the sand, and his pupils are blown wide.

The pieces click together when he pushes you down onto the ground and drags himself onto the shore, trapping you between sturdy, muscled arms. He's heavy when he drapes himself on you, and you struggle beneath him, frantically asking what's gotten into him and if he's okay. He smiles at you; it's a shaky smile, and he looks at you like you're just what he needs to breathe. You're not sure what to make of this, but your situation only becomes much more harrowing when sharp, dangerous claws tear your clothes from your skin, shredding your panties in a haste. You shake your head hurriedly, but none of your words register. He can't understand you, and if he understands your body language he chooses not to listen.

He's saying something in mermish, but nothing makes any sense. You're certain none of it is any good, not when he reaches to cradle your cheek with a webbed hand, rubbing his claw along your jaw. The gesture feels fond, as if he's your lover, but you don't want that. You want him to let you go. And he keeps clicking at you, smiling sweetly, drunkenly, his front pressed to yours. He fumbles with your anatomy, feeling you all over and squeezing curiously in certain areas. Even the slightest reaction, such as a hitched breath or a gasp or even a whimper, has him zeroing in on the exact space that prompted that sound. You grasp at his shoulders, begging him to stop, but he silences your pleas with a kiss that's wet and sloppy, all tongue and saliva. You feel gross in the aftermath, breathless and horribly hot, and your throat tingles with a foreign heat. You think his saliva is responsible for your sudden bodily change, your every nerve alight with a growing need.

But that becomes the least of your concerns when you spy his slit, slick with a substance you've never seen any humans produce before, and horror dawns on you when his prehensile cock slides out. You thrash beneath him, horrified and scared and panicked. Something akin to sadness flashes across his countenance and he babbles at you in a series of fast, high clicks. You stare helplessly at him, mouth agape in horror.

He looks back with a wide-eyed stare and slowly parts his mouth in response. You don't understand the gesture.

"Mine..." he grinds out. "Mine to...mate." He rests his hand on your stomach and nods, and in three poorly pronounced words he's conveyed more than enough.

You shake your head at him, but he's so focused on spreading your pussy open. Despite his claws, monstrous and cold, he's delicate when he handles you with mute intrigue. You think he isn't intending to hurt you with his prodding, but then with the heat building in your core it feels so tantalizingly good.

He rocks his hips against you, and that strange cock slips between your folds. You don't have time to brace yourself for the stretch when he pushes inside, easing past rings of tight muscle, and you throw your head back against the sand, your cries strangled with moans. He clicks at you, but it's garbled with his own soft gasps. Briefly, you wonder if this is his first time.

He fucks into you like it's the last time he'll ever get to, his tail wrapping between your legs. By the time your first orgasm washes over you, you've already ceased struggling, too boneless to offer any resistance when your thoughts are compromised and your entire body screams to be fucked thoroughly. You don't think twice when he shivers against you, filling you with something slick. It's not very viscous, but it also doesn't feel like semen. You try to ask him what it is, but he doesn't understand. You're not sure you understand yourself either, what with all of the mindless filth you're babbling.

But then a second, much larger cock joins the first inside and if you weren't full before you definitely feel it now. You open your mouth to protest, but he captures it in a long, passionate smooch that quite literally steals your breath. You're whining into his mouth, loud and reedy just as something small and gelatinous passes through, settling deep in your womb. There's a second that follows and then a third, fourth, and fifth; and soon you've lost count just how long you've spent laid out on the beach, plastered to the ground like a beached whale, while the eel mer above you stays pinned to you. It didn't take you long to realize the little pudgy orbs are eggs, each one taking up residence in your packed womb until you're fit to burst. You lift your head from the sand to peer at your belly in the aftermath, a great round thing, bloated as if you've just eaten your fill and much more.

Jade is all over you, fondling and petting, beaming so proudly despite how obviously exhausted he looks. He's clicking again and this time you think you can understand the general gist of what he's saying: You did so well. Good job. But maybe his words are more fond than that. Maybe there's more romance to his speech when he looks at you like you're the most precious being in his universe (and you are, but no words from your or his lexicon could ever truly explain that). You're not sure if your guess is right, but you do know that this isn't the end. If anything, it's the beginning.

Together, you'll build a beautiful family. Your fry will want for nothing; Jade will do all he can to ensure that you'll carry to term and that the surviving little ones live healthy lives, and you'll be by his side, forever and always, his precious mate.

[chaifootsteps]

https://www.tumblr.com/almacambiondaughterofsaleos/758273790949130240/stolas-thats-the-perfect-demonstration-of?source=share

I forgot about the 'you don't owe me those things but you can't just ignore all that' on the Stolas worst lines ranking

it's not his most painful line read but it's such a contradictory line. So Blitz doesn't owe him anything but Stolas thinks he's being insufficiently grateful?

if he was breaking the deal to do something kind for Blitz out of the goodness of his heart, he wouldn't need a thanks. but obviously he wasn't - he broke the deal because he wanted Blitz's love and companionship as a reward. then when he didn't get it he got salty. otherwise what is he even so pissed about?

and if it's because Blitz snapped at him that implies he thinks Blitz was wrong, which is just the confirmation he has done zero self-reflection in the time before breaking the deal and the time after Blitz yelled at him (or he just isn't willing to consider the idea that he's in the wrong, which is not an admirable character trait, especially not in a character who is literal royalty with servants the same race as his love interest)

he somehow thinks it's simultaneously true that the deal is bad and transactional and needs to end and that he isn't a bad person for doing it - in fact he's owed Blitz's love as a reward for his good deed

I just don't understand how they've managed to make Stolas distort reality this much unless they just didn't bother thinking through what they wrote, instead going with the kindergarten logic of 'Blitz yelled at Stolas therefore Blitz is the one in the wrong because we want to write an episode where he eats crow'

"You don't owe me anything, but also you owe me everything and you ought to be ashamed for not showing sufficient gratitude."

It's horrifying, but not as horrifying as knowing just how many people defend this behavior with their entire chests solely because Stolas is attractive.

[togglesbloggle]

Okie, here’s a slightly dangerous essay I’ve had rattling around for a while.  Dangerous because Discourse, which I usually avoid in this space, so I hope you’ll try not to reward it too much and provide weird incentives for me.  But it’s a pretty interesting little model, too handy to fully pass over in silence.

Expect mild gender-binary essentialism and heteronormativity for modeling purposes- invoking these things in an explanatory but not normative or ethical sense.

Aside from being aggressively horrible, the state of female beauty standards as a cultural force is also fiddly and interesting in a way that I can’t resist chewing on.  Naively, beauty ought to be a pretty idiosyncratic thing.  We understand differences in taste between Picasso and Rembrant, or a trip to the mountains and a trip to the beach.  But when it comes to human beauty, especially female beauty, we keep needing to reach for phrases like ‘traditionally attractive,’ and things in that vicinity.  It’s understood that this ‘traditionally attractive’ stuff has tremendous influence over how our society is ordered, but its origin seems… vague, at best?  And it clearly varies between cultures and times; it’s monotonic, not static.  And the further away you get from socially mainstream forms of sex, the more it breaks down.  Gay and kink communities seem to resist it somewhat, in the form of ‘types’ like bears and butches and whatnot, though it’s still lurking in the shadows a fair bit.  So, why?

I’ve arrived at a model that seems to have decent predictive utility, which is: (female) beauty standards are set principally by the ability to convince others that you can leverage male agency.

This is, notably, not exactly the same thing as actually leveraging male agency, or even actually being able to.  Male agency itself, though notably responsive to beautiful women in the general case, is of course a lot more complex when you start talking about individual men.  These may be asexual or gay, obviously, but even the ones attracted to women are going to have individual preferences, navigate those preferences in different ways, and be more or less responsive to leverage.  So to ‘be beautiful’ you’re attempting to land on a consensus, common-knowledge understanding of what everyone else thinks men are attracted to, one that’s anchored by the experiences and preferences of men, but because it’s women who try to achieve beauty in most cases, female-led social spaces are often where ‘beauty’ is processed and filtered from the complicated individual preferences of men and forged in to a coherent set of standards for women to work towards.  (Economic forces also play an important role, of course, and are gendered in different ways.)

That consensus, in turn, need not correspond to the preferences of any individual man, even though it’s still (in a removed sense) ‘about’ male preference.  An individual woman can even sometimes find more success in the dating market by deliberately stepping away from traditional beauty standards and finding something closer to the actual preferences of (a subset of) the men around her, though that means sacrificing real and important status in other circles.  Because as power, the concept of beauty depends on the state of common knowledge among people on both sides of the gender dynamic as much as it does on the behaviors and preferences of men.  This is part of what allows beauty standards to vary so widely in time and place (that is, they’re arbitrary to some degree), but be so strong wherever they appear- it’s a Schelling point that women can use to communicate both to men and to other women that they have some degree of influence over others.  Thus, one of the many tragedies that heterosexual romance has to navigate.  To achieve beauty as power, women have to get closer to that Schelling point, even though being ‘beautiful’ in that sense may actually make it harder to find a good partner that you like.  Beauty means the competition is tougher, you’re locked out of considering the preferences of individual men you care about, you’re locked in to fairly oppressive standards that sand off many of your own best qualities because they’re too rare to be included in the consensus, and you’re now filtering for men who date women generically for social prestige rather than having intrinsic interest in you as an individual.  But no human can opt out of the power game entirely; the consequences of ostracism in a social species are lethal.

Also, the old joke about ‘Woman Upset that Men are Staring at her Breast Implants’ is, in this model, a perfectly rational set of behaviors on the face of it- you don’t need to invoke either dysphoria or hypocrisy.  The woman in question is not interested in actually provoking male behavior, she’s interested in communicating to others, often and especially other women, that she could if she wanted to.  She wants enough social power to feel safe, which is a basic and sensible primate drive.  It also demonstrates how this particular form of power both promotes and benefits from restrictive male gender roles, particularly as regards when and how to respond to women.  The more restrictive the roles, the safer it is to accumulate power without being exposed to undue risk of unwanted (or unsanctioned?) male agency, and in turn the more power will be leveraged by beauty as a force.  Feedback loops.  Depending on the specifics of culture and local social networks, it’s quite possible for an individual woman to experience the benefits of beauty primarily as higher prestige in her interactions with heterosexual women, and for the dynamic between herself and men as a group to skew more and more negative as she achieves beauty, without beauty itself being net-negative.

(Aside: notice how increasingly restrictive standards of sexual decorum in men in the 21st century correspond to a leveling-off of female workforce participation rates.  Libertine attitudes from the 60’s through the 90’s correlate with an expansion of economic power among women as an alternative to gendered beauty.)

One of the reasons that I like this model is that it’s written in the same alphabet as displays of traditional (i.e. political, military) power within formal hierarchies, displays of wealth, or even physical prowess- using this framework, beauty, wealth, and hierarchical power are all measured roughly by the number of people that will do what you ask them to.  It makes sense that there would be commonalities between them, such as elements of a seemingly counterproductive red queen race, or brinksmanship in which neither side wants to actually deploy their power.  

The differences are also real, and significant- because of the intrinsic dynamics of heterosexuality, beauty-as-a-face-of-power is ‘flat’, without tesselating hierarchies, and it doesn’t scale up indefinitely.  This gives it a more limited scope than being a CEO or a president with control over employees, and a much more limited scope than you get through wealth in a tangled economic system.  It also means that beauty is much less winner-take-all, meaning that almost all women benefit at the margins from pursuing beauty.  It also peaks early and then degenerates over time.  All these together in a dynamic mix I think help explain a lot of the complicated relationships that many women have with their physical appearance.

For example, this model makes it pretty easy to talk about why both women and men would be averse to a woman asking a guy out, even in This, The 21th Century- a woman who takes the initiative is in a sense forfeiting a game in which women demonstrate how powerful they are, and making herself less interesting at the margins during a stage of courtship where nobody has much information about the other party.

It also, I think, makes a lot of the old Incel discourse more legible, though it’s probably wiser to leave that particular one as an exercise for the reader.  And it’s worth noting also that physical strength shares a surprising symmetry with female attractiveness in this sense, even if explicitly leveraging the social power of physical intimidation is taboo in a lot of modern urban cultures.

Anyway, it’s a good little model.  Like all models, it’s wrong, but I think the epicycles here are modest and it's a useful way to interrogate a wide variety of phenomena.

[the-feminist-philosopher]

Benevolent Sexism is a type of sexism that posits that women ought be revered, protected, and adored, especially for their unique, life-giving biology. It is a type of sexism that positively rewards people assigned female at birth for observing their sex-assigned social prescriptions. Meaning, natal women are rewarded by the patriarchy for presenting, identifying, and acting according to the patriarchy's standards of a "woman." It has a couple features that include paternalism and sex differentiation.

Benevolent sexism helps feed what is known as hostile sexism, which is the physical harm the patriarchy inflicts upon women. It does this by essentially placing women on a pedestal. Women are good. Women should be revered. Women are goddesses; the divine life-givers. This pedestal is an impossible standard to meet. Women will fail to live up to this "goodness" placed upon them because they're human. And when they step off, they're no longer "ladies," so violence or abandonment often follows a woman stepping outside the lines of proper deportment so according to the patriarchy. In order to justify placing women on the pyre, the patriarchy first needs to place women (or certain women) on a pedestal.

"[A]s Andrea Dworkin emphasizes, many lesbians recently ‘have increasingly tried to transform the very ideology that has enslaved us into a, religious, psychologically compelling celebration of female biological potential.’ . . . What the concept ‘woman is wonderful’ accomplishes is that it retains for defining women the best features (best according to whom?) which oppression has granted us, and it does not radically question the categories man and woman, which are political categories and not natural givens. It puts us in a position of fighting within the class ‘women’ not as the other classes do, for the disappearance of our class, but for the defense of ‘woman’ and its reinforcement." ― Monique Wittig, The straight mind and other essays (1992)

Paternalism is a feature of the patriarchy which negates a woman's agency. It's the idea that people in positions of authority need to restrict the things and responsibilities a marginalized group does in their supposed interest. It encourages a system whereby those in positions of relative social power act on behalf of the marginalized group. Paternalism is usually invoked to protect women from men. It encourages those in positions of relative social power to the woman- often men, but it could also be, say, white women v. black women- to act on behalf of the woman for her own interest. This could look like anything from opening doors, paying for meals, making financial decisions, walking her home at night, to deciding when and where and how a woman has sex. If you could imagine, a system that encourages people to act on behalf of a woman in her "supposed best interest" would encourage violence, especially sexual violence, against her.

In reality, "chivalry" is an age-old protection racket which depends for its existence on violence against women.

Sex differentiation is a feature of the patriarchy that posits that “men are men” and “women are women” and the two ought be and fundamentally are separate from each other. It is responsible for the social prescription that each group must stay within certain bounds of public and private life as well as certain bounds of behavior and certain bounds of presentation.

Male dominant society must see to it that "female" is a woman and "clearly" a woman, opposite that of "man." This is also known as the polarity of sex.

“…while the system of gender polarity is real, it is not true. It is not true that there are two sexes which are discrete and opposite, which are polar, which unite naturally and self-evidently into a harmonious whole.” ― Andrea Dworkin, “The Root Cause” in Our Blood (1976)

One such social prescription is assigning to men the role of Aggressor and to women the role of the Recipient of aggression. This gendered association decreases the perception of women as empowered agents and even human. This social prescription also encourages men to act on behalf of women, including deciding when and where and how a woman has sex as well as their reproductive and sexual alienation under the patriarchy. It also justifies the hostile aspects of sexism, encouraging men to be hostile and aggressive and, if you can imagine, this social prescription contributes to the preservation of rape culture.

Now, most trans-exclusionaries may say they oppose the "traditional" aspects of femininity that the patriarchy rewards. They also may say they oppose chivalry, or those in positions of relative power acting on behalf of marginalized individuals. But the one thing an anti-trans activist will not oppose? The patriarchal social prescriptions and pressures which encourage men; even require them, to be violent and coercive toward women.

They need to uphold this gendered binary of Male Aggressor v. Female Recipient to maintain their feminine pretense, a "'feminine' compensation on the part of [a] woman for having usurped what she perceives to be a 'masculine' authority and thereby 'unsexed' herself" (Tania Mod­leski, Feminism Without Women, pp. 54).

"Womanliness therefore could be assumed and worn as a mask, both, to hide the possession of masculinity and to avert the reprisals expected if she was found to possess it—–much as a thief will turn out his pockets and ask to be searched to prove that he has not the stolen goods. The reader may now ask how I define womanliness or where I draw the line between genuine womanliness and the ' masquerade '. My suggestion is not, however, that there is any such difference ; whether radical or superficial, they are the same thing. The capacity for womanliness was there in this woman—and one might even say it exists in the most completely homosexual woman—but owing to her conflicts it did not represent her main development, and was used far more as a device for avoiding anxiety than as a primary mode of sexual enjoyment." -Joan Riviere

Transphobic policies work by constantly inspecting people for signs of sex non-conformity. To stay safe from this surveillance requires an individual to present and behave as the absolute most stereotypical version of their assigned sex, and to do this at all times. Women will simply be unable to meet these demands, and every time a woman fails, she will open herself up to scrutiny, trans-vestigation, and accusations of not being "woman" enough. Every time she fails, she will "unsex" herself; become an "unwoman," because gender policing subjects any woman to invasive tests or accusations of being 'too masculine’ to be a "real" woman.

Much like their ideological ancestors, the trans-exclusionary women is trying to push the boundaries of gender by ob­sessively rewriting herself within the drama of femininity. But she also looks to repeatedly reinscribe herself into the dramas of cissexuality to distract from how she works to construct her body into a binary. By narrating tales of victimization by brutal and/or thoughtless "males"- who are often actually trans women- the trans-exclusionary woman can reassure herself that her femininity; her womanhood, has remained intact and she has not become "unsexed." (These tales of victimization at the hands of trans women can range from being "erased" and "spoken over" and "colonized" to false reports of being attacked.)

Because under the very system she supports, the slightest transgression of sex-roles will unsex her; will masculinize her. And once she perceives to have "usurped" the natural; to have "usurped" was is intended to be "male," she will work to resituate herself within "womanliness" and the "natural," sexed binary casts which have prescribed her the role of the passive recipient of Aggression.

[daughter-of-water]

I have to be honest you claimed that mako was portrayed as inthe right in b1/b2 he wasnt mako not being specifically punished for his mistakes in b1 and b2 and having something good happen to him afterwards isnt the same as being treated as in the right   the notion that mako needed to be specifically punished for his mistake is bs . a character making a mistake not being specifically punished for that mistake and having something good happen to him afterwards isnt being rewarded for that flaw or being treated as in the right. mako was treated as in the wrong .

Thanks to the fact tumblr has shown me the email you are using to submit the slew of posts you’ve been bombarding me, I now know you are one singular Mako stan. Look, as I’ve stated numerous times before, I haven’t watched or cared about Legend of Korra in years nor do I really care about your precious cinnamon roll. At this point, the only reason I even bother with you at all is because you keep attacking ships I do care about, comparing your poorly written character with characters with actual depth and continuously telling me what he did in terms of romance is not bad and that I ought not feel that this scumbag is being rewarded for his shitty behavior when said scumbag does not suffer the natural consequences of it. I don’t care if you think I am unfairly vilifying Saint Mako nor WILL I EVER change my mind about him. Actually your constant flood of submissions has only served to make me more resolved in my hatred towards your favorite character. If you are sane which I suspect you are not, you will cease submitting this bullshit to me in my inbox and accept you have failed and will always fail to convince me in the righteousness of Mako let alone in his likability.   

[mbti-notes]

I am an ESTP and I want to know whether it is possible/healthy to eschew certain societal values that don't match my own. For example, I don't value or care to dress up or wear makeup, I like a clean simple look that is low fuss/effort. However, I see others put more effort into their appearance and be rewarded for this, and this makes me want to do so as well, even though deep down I really don't care. I also find I respect myself less for giving in to societal pressures at the expense of myown

How old are you? It is normal for people in adolescence and young adulthood to struggle with issues of personal identity. Specifically, it is not always easy to find the right balance between staying true to oneself and meeting the expectations of others. Some people get trapped in either/or thinking that easily becomes too extreme.

ESTPs who only care about what they want and never think about what larger negative effect they're producing are unhealthy ESTPs, misusing their judging functions in service of a shallow, lazy, or careless Se approach to life. If you truly care about yourself and hope to feel some pride in who you are, you wouldn't want to be a negative version of yourself, and you wouldn't want to present a negative image of yourself to the world.

Ideally, ESTPs should use their powers of reason to establish the right balance between self and others, which is related to proper Ti and Fe development. In order for ESTPs to genuinely "care" about doing something, they have to understand the reasoning behind it and agree with it - this is how one arrives at better Ti-Fe balance. Sometimes, when a situation is complex, you might have to take extra steps to truly understand it. You would have to consider all the different factors and all the different ways of looking at the situation - this requires Ni big-picture visualization powers.

Taking your example of dress: On one hand, as an individual, you ought to be free to choose your own style and wear what is in accordance with your comfort, beliefs, and values. On the other hand, you are a participant in relationships with others and what you do has a larger effect, even when you don't realize it. The way you dress projects an image and that image influences how people evaluate and relate to you. Of course, how people evaluate you matters much more in some situations than others, so it's not just "to care or not to care", as though the complexity of life can be distilled into one rule. Remember: Ti values the process of coming to a rational judgment, which requires deliberation and some nuance. To develop mature use of Ti requires you to use your reasoning skills more carefully to determine the best judgment based on the situation at hand.

Imagine going to an office job interview in a swimsuit. Imagine what society would look and feel like if everyone wandered around in their pajamas all day. There is a social element of dress because the way you present yourself contributes to the overall vibe of a social environment. The vibe is real because it has a very tangible effect on how people think, feel, and behave. People dress professionally at the office because employers want to encourage professional behavior, employees want to maximize their chances of making a good impression, and clients/customers want to be assured of professional conduct. People dress casually at the neighborhood restaurant because they want everyone to feel at ease and enjoy themselves. People dress in dark shades at a funeral in order to express their sadness/grief on a somber occasion. People dress up for their dates to show that they care enough to make an effort for love.

While dress is largely a personal choice, if you understand that there is an element of dress that extends beyond you and impacts others, then a reasonable person would try to find the appropriate middle ground, wouldn't they?

To reconcile self with others isn't about "me vs them" (oversimplistic either/or thinking). It's about choosing the most constructive ways of being yourself (maximizing the benefits).

[palestudentcrown]

How to Solve Issues With Yorkie for sale

Highest Quality Yorkshire Terrier Puppies On The Market Singapore 2023

Expecting Yorkie moms and their babies are brought into our residence and get our undivided attention. My household feels very blessed to have the ability to spend our days, taking care of our Teacup Yorkies, doing what we love. Yorkie puppies are recognized for his or her huge personalities.

Your regular grooming and cautious weekly examination will assist you to spot potential well being problems early.

In addition, this breeder does not just take great care of their litter and ensures the father or mother canines are in sound well being.

As a tiny puppy with a tiny bladder, they do need to be given frequent potty breaks.

We are well-respected breeders and have gained the belief and confidence of many households who have relied on us to help them find the best four-legged companions.

By the tip of the nineteenth century, the breed was recognised in England and commenced to gain popularity even in the U.S.

Moreover, because of the small size of the Yorkie puppies, Lahey House recommends that you just solely adopt these if all the kids in your house are above 9 years of age.

Due to their size and exercise level, the Yorkie is a good canine for apartment life.

The Yorkshire Terrier is a playful and high energy dog and has excessive physical wants of 5 out of 5 stars. Yorkshire Terriers are not that good at adapting to some environments. They have a mean of three out of 5 stars adaptability stage. Nevertheless, this could not scare you since they will adapt to any scenario if skilled early.

Yorkie Puppies

Yorkshire Terriers do best in families with older youngsters or no kids in any respect. The problems come each with kids's rough dealing with and by the Yorkie's reaction to nip when provoked. These canine are of small size and young kids can mistakenly drop them, step on them, or hold them too tightly. You ought to always supervise any interactions between canine and younger children since canines can really feel offended and chunk them. Your common grooming and cautious weekly exam will allow you to spot potential well being issues early. Make grooming a positive experience crammed with reward and rewards.

Breeder Referrals

They do greatest when kept close to proprietor or a member of the family. Usually, Hypoglycemia affects puppies that are newly born to the age of 4 months. Sometimes it is also observed in adult Yorkshire Terriers. The presence of sepsis and liver illness can even give rise to hypoglycemia.

Key Characteristics Of Yorkshire Terriers

You must fill out the adoption form supplied here to get on the waiting listing for a puppy through this breeder. After a model new litter is born, candidates are contacted chronologically. They are also preventative remedies to get rid of parasite infestation. In addition, this breeder doesn't just take nice care of their litter and ensures the father or mother canine are in sound health.

Jolie Chiots Yorkie ! Beautiful Yorkie Puppies!!

Yorkshire Terriers are identified to be usually wholesome canines but they are susceptible to sure hereditary diseases. Yorkies require regular grooming to maintain their coat in good situation. They are rated at 2 stars out 5 for well being and grooming wants.

Puppies For Sale Victoria Bc

They may be, nevertheless it requires a good quantity of coaching and socialization for each the Yorkshire Terrier and the child or youngsters. This breed can become easily agitated and aggressive if provoked. What sort of coat does the Yorkshire Terrier have? This breed has a long nice single coat that usually has a glossy or silky texture. This breed could be very territorial, unbiased and fearless which might lead to aggressive behaviors.

Yorkshire Terrier

If you ever get the pleasure of proudly owning one, we promise, you might be hooked for all times. If you are in search of a Teacup Yorkie on the market, we all know you'll not be disenchanted should you resolve to purchase one from us. Making an addition to your family is a life-altering occasion that wants plenty of cautious consideration. While adopting a pet from a breeder, it's important to take your time to confirm its credibility. A good breeder would also make adjusting to Yorkie for sale a new pet easier. They present a 1 12 months written well being assure on the time of adoption.

Yorkshire Terrier Puppies / Yorkie

Potential well being concerns to pay attention to in a Yorkshire Terrier embody patellar luxation and eye anomalies. Choosing a breeder should be as necessary as the pet. If you are in Australia and would need to undertake a Yorkshire Terrier canine breed, get in contact with any of the next breed organizations. Yorkshire Terriers are well suited to house residing because of their small size. They show separation nervousness and turn out to be cussed when left alone for longer time period.

Yorkshire Terrier Puppies On The Market In Texas

You ought to apply as early as potential for a greater probability. To qualify for adoption, Lahey House requires you to prove that you have sufficient time and sources to supply an acceptable lifestyle for the puppy. You can take a glance at their puppies that are presently obtainable by clicking the link supplied here. The more healthy the mother and father, the healthier their offspring. Keeping the pet parents’ health in examine ensures that no genetic ailments are handed on to the following technology.

Purebred Yorkie Puppies For Sale

Yorkies are small dogs that can typically have a big diva angle, particularly if they are not well-socialized or well-trained. A properly socialized and educated Yorkshire Terrier is an affectionate, loving, and loyal canine with a playful, energetic, and typically mischievous personality. They are definitely not above moving into hassle or making a fool of themselves if it means they would be the focus.

"yorkie Puppies" In All Ads In Gauteng

They are intelligent, assured, and brave, which makes them great watchdogs. They are also extremely loyal to their owners and love to be around folks. Despite their small dimension, they are energetic and require regular exercise to maintain them wholesome and happy. Very loving and playful yorkshire terrier puppies. Puppies can only go to their new houses after 8 weeks.... A Yorkie puppy, also referred to as a Yorkshire Terrier, is regarded as one of the most loving canine.

Yorkshire Terrier Puppies On The Market

They have an outgoing and sometimes mischievous temperament. Early socialization and training will make for a well-rounded addition to your family. But be careful to not spoil them an excessive quantity of as this can encourage them to kind bad behaviors. Teacup Yorkies are identified for his or her playful, lively, and affectionate nature.

His tough-minded personality apart, the Yorkie isn’t a good selection for families with young children as a end result of his own small size places him susceptible to harm. He may additionally be nippy with overzealous kids, aggressive with different dogs, and obstinate about house-training. Consistent and structured coaching is a must for the Yorkie, who must be taught that he can’t problem each canine that crosses his path. Pups are born in our home where they have interaction with all family members, friends and pets. If you already have another pet dog, the Yorkshire Terrier is usually a nice selection. This is a dog-friendly breed that can reside peacefully with other dogs and cats when they're brought up with them from puppyhood.

It is necessary to know that as a canine owner you would possibly be responsible for the care and wellbeing of your pet. Yorkshire Terrier colours change with age, and different variations also exist. All standard Yorkie puppies are born black, with the blue and tan coat developing gradually, normally after they're a year old. The Yorkshire Terrier is a small, toy-sized canine with a well-proportioned physique. Yorkies have a small head that's flat on the top, with a medium-sized muzzle and small, erect, and V-shaped ears.

[liverpoolgolf02]

How To Play Golf: The Ultimate Step-By-Step Guide For Beginners

Do you want to pick up the game of golf and enjoy it for the rest of your life?

Golf is supposedly the best game ever played.

Perhaps as the ultimate examination of the body and mind.

It's simultaneously calming, demanding, rewarding, and frustrating.

It can humiliate you and make you curse the game, only for you to quickly rediscover your love for it. golf courses near me

However, it's a beautiful game in the end.

The game has a certain something. It appears simple when it is played well. You let your guard down because it was so easy.

then it responds by attacking.

For many, it's an obsession, while for others, it's a sporadic hobby.

It doesn't matter what it is to you; you can learn this fantastic game at any time in your life.

More than any other game, it transcends generations and teaches you about who you are and how to live.

Therefore, you have decided. You want to go golfing. Now what?

Learn the proper technique for playing golf by reading this Ultimate Guide.

Making the Decision to Play Golf

It's simple to decide to start playing golf, but it must be done with knowledge and respect for the sport. Golf is enjoyable and meant to be enjoyed, but it can frequently be frustrating, particularly when you're just starting out.

Having said that, there is only one easy point to keep in mind.

GOLF IS HARD.

Even professional athletes who have played their entire lives continue to make poor shots.

So, when developing your game, don't aim for perfection. Manage your expectations above all else, learn from your mistakes, and accept them.

You're not that good, to get that angry, a golf pro once remarked to me when I was an upset beginner having a mid-round breakdown.

A lot about a person can be learned from playing golf. Their behavior on the course is one of the key factors. When you're playing well, it's simple to be happy, but it takes courage to maintain your composure when circumstances don't go your way.

Remain upbeat and enjoy the process. Life is too short to become enraged over a game.

Getting Equipment

You might have heard that playing golf is expensive. This may be the case, but it's not necessary.

Similar to when you were told as a child that "needs" and "wants" are two different things.

Golf requires clubs, so get some! You don't require the priciest brand-name irons and the most recent driver available. While "Chad" at your neighbourhood golf shop might try to convince you otherwise so he can earn more commissions, that is untrue.

Any set of clubs will work well for a great golfer.

Although these factors can have an effect at the highest level, weekend golfers or those just starting out wouldn't even notice them.

Find a reasonable price

Below is some information that will help you when buy your first set of golf clubs:

Purchase cavity-back irons. The heads on the clubs are bigger and easier to hit.

Choose affordable lessons over pricey clubs.

enquire locally

Most likely, a golfer in your life has some extra clubs lying around that they'll sell you for a discount.

 

That ought to get you going.

Be resourceful and don't be afraid to ask questions.

Learning the Rules

It goes without saying that knowing the rules is an essential component of learning to play golf. Despite the fact that they may initially seem intimidating, resist being intimidated. Just get the fundamentals down and the rest will come.

Playing against more seasoned golfers and copying their techniques is the best way to learn the game's rules. Don't be afraid to make mistakes or ask questions. It is how each of us learns.

You can get a quick rundown of the essentials from the list below.

Other Golf Rules:

Do you want to pick up the game of golf and enjoy it for the rest of your life?

Golf is supposedly the best game ever played.

Perhaps as the ultimate examination of the body and mind.

It's simultaneously calming, demanding, rewarding, and frustrating.

It can humiliate you and make you curse the game, only for you to quickly rediscover your love for it.

However, it's a beautiful game in the end.

The game has a certain something. It appears simple when it is played well. You let your guard down because it was so easy.

For More Info: golf for kids

[merakiui]

I bring you an ABO idea.. You're from another world where you're an omega and after your yandere kidnaps you, you're pretty apprehensive towards them and they'll prolly be mad about it. But one day, you're just being incredibly clingy and obedient for them. They'll probably be really confused about your changed behavior but happy none the less. After a long day away from you, they finally can come home and see their darling only to be met with more confusion as their on their chest and knees 1/2

with their finger(s) plugging their needy hole. They dont seem to notice the presence of their yan as they are pretty pre-occupied. Once the yan makes their appearance known, darling is just begging for their "Alpha" to fuck them. They'll probably be very confused, this concept will literally work with anybody I feel like so feel free to insert Scaramouche if that helps the scene. I saw this idea somewhere before but cant remember where.. 2/2

- - -

Omg being from an omegaverse world where such a thing does not exist in Teyvat is so good! Any yandere will take advantage of that, especially when it comes to your heats. It doesn't take Scaramouche very long to understand what's going on. He learns that every month there's a week-long period in which you're unbelievably insatiable, whining for an alpha, telling him to scent and mark and knot you, and being so accepting of his touch and presence that he almost wonders if this is some ploy to lower his guard. But after a few instances of this—you've called it a 'heat'—he begins to use it to his advantage. He'll only touch you if you're deserving of it, which means in the days leading up to your heat you'd better be on your best behavior otherwise he'll let you suffer the entirety of your heat alone and untouched.

Scaramouche greatly enjoys this side of you. It's much better than troublesome defiance. And when you tell him you love him in the midst of your heat, he's so very happy. Outwardly, he's proud—of course you love him; he takes such good care of his sweet omega. But inside your words heal broken parts of him. He wants you to say those words when you aren't in such a stupor.

With Albedo and Dottore, two characters who classify as researchers/scholars, your being an omega would call for all sorts of fascinating tests and experiments. Albedo is very detatched in the way he approaches his analysis of you. He probably won't even tend to you for your first few heats as he works to understand what they are and why they have such a drastic effect on you. When he realizes just how submissive you become during these week-long events, he begins to think of all the ways he can use this to truly trap you and tie you to him forever. Your interactions with Klee are plenty proof that you can take care of a child. Perhaps he ought to begin a new experiment to see if you and him are compatible.

Dottore, on the other hand, isn't nearly as clinical. He is in the first few stages of research because such a delicate subject must be treated with care to avoid breaking you. But eventually he comes to enjoy tending to you. He'll strap you down on his operating table and watch you squirm and struggle while he runs his fingertip up the length of your stomach, cataloguing your every reaction in a file he'll later peruse. He seems to drag this teasing touch out forever, but if you beg enough and seem sincere Dottore supposes he could reward his omega captive with more than just a single finger. When Dottore is out on Fatui business, his clones gather to take care of you. They've all fallen for you in their own ways. You'll be passed around between the lot of them when you're in heat.

[nexiawellness]

Parenting Made (A Bit) Easier: How to Raise Independent, Confident Children

Despite what some moms and dads may think, raising children isn’t easy. It is even harder if you’re a people-pleaser and thus prone to enabling spoiled behavior.

However, that shouldn’t put you off the idea altogether. There is a way to foster confidence and independence in children without feeling like a bad parent.

But to do so, you need to learn more about what the consequences are; what might happen if you raise children that depend on you too much?

The Importance of Building Confidence and Independence in Children

The Beatles may have had it all wrong when they sang, “All you need is love.” Love is certainly the ultimate gift we may bestow upon another person. Yet, when it comes to raising children, we have to give them more than that.

Naturally, every parent out there is adamant about showing how much they love their kid. However, it is easy to go overboard and become an overbearing, helicopter parent who’s too invested in their child’s happiness, education, basic daily needs, and more.

Instead, our parenting style should ensure that one day, our children will be able to go out into the world by themselves and become incredible people. By easing our grip from time to time and letting them make mistakes, be sad sometimes, or learn how to help themselves, we should foster confidence and independence.

Thus, we won’t have to worry one day whether they’ll be able to pay their own bills or take care of their own kids. In a sense, independence and confidence are the greatest gifts we can give our offspring. It’s what will give them an advantage in the real world of adults.

Your vs. Their Responsibilities

Every parent has a set of responsibilities they should stick to. For some, these are fairly obvious. Parents are there to provide their children with means, opportunities, and support. We have to give them our love and encouragement, as well as guide them toward making good decisions. At the same time, we should be able to provide materials, education, and the like so that they may have a good life.

But these responsibilities don’t include coddling or assuming others’ roles. We shouldn’t do things intended for our children, at least not all the time. Of course, showing a child how to do a particular math problem once is fine, as it falls under instruction. However, if we start doing their homework, we’re well on our way to making them entirely dependent on others.

And what are the kids responsible for, you may ask? Well, their only job is to use those things we give them to their advantage. For instance, if we work day and night to provide our kids with a good education, they should be grateful and commit to making the best of it. They ought to recognize that their effort will be rewarded, but that it has to come from the heart.

Still, to achieve anything, they have to give it a good go and not give up just because the results weren’t what they expected. In a sense, they should take what we give them and maximize all the lessons they may receive from our parenting.

Spoiled and Contingent Children

But even though everyone wants to be a good parent, not all mothers and fathers are actually aware of how their actions may trigger certain behaviors in their children. Because of that, it’s not uncommon to spot the two most common opposites of independent kids: spoiled and contingent children.

Spoiled Kids

We’ve all seen the screaming matches between parents and spoiled kids in malls, supermarkets, outside on the street, etc. And most of the time, we think our kids will never be like that — we won’t allow it!

But spoiled kids aren’t made by doing something super wrong. In fact, most parents who now have to deal with “brats” only wanted their kids to feel their love, or at least see it in the form of something that makes them happy. They simply didn’t want them to struggle!

In essence, they were going overboard with it all — over-parenting, over-indulging, and over-praising. That only bred entitled behavior, as they were very invested in providing their kids’ happiness and comfort. But by doing so, they never actually let them earn anything by themselves.

Contingent Children

On the other hand, some parents breed dependence in their offspring, accidentally or on purpose. Instead of letting them make their own mistakes, learn from them, and build their personalities, they want to stay dominant in their children’s lives.

Thus, most contingent kids rely on others for their own happiness, success, and comfort. They cannot make decisions by themselves, as mom and dad always know best.

Worst of all, they rely on outside incentives and basically don’t have ownership over their lives. They aren’t responsible for their emotions, actions, and thoughts, as their dominant parents serve as their guides.

Easing the Grip: When to Let Go for Your Child’s Sake and Breed Independence

Neither spoiled nor contingent children are something to strive for. Independence and confidence are the two most important traits we, as primary caregivers, ought to give our children.

But it’s usually all easier said than done, as parents, especially the fearful kind or those with previous trauma, may be prone to overdoing it. They may have a hard time letting go and easing their grip so that the child learns about life on their own.

Fortunately, there are a few ways of showing children that they aren’t an extension of you but their own people. These are our top 5 tips for raising confident, independent kids by knowing when to step in and when to let go:

Provide Them With Both Love and Respect Without Smothering Them.

Once your kids have grown up a bit, don’t be too eager to always shower them with love. You don’t want them to feel as if the world revolves around them. Instead, show your love by showing them respect and letting them set their boundaries. Of course, they will always be your babies, but treat them their current age, not the age you met them at.

Don’t Be Their Only Source of Happiness.

As a parent, your job is to give your child the best chance in this world. But you shouldn’t try so hard to make them insanely happy. It’s imperative for parents to let go of control. They have to stop thinking that their child’s every emotion depends on them and their actions.

Self-efficacy and independence are crucial skills to teach them so that they can use them in the real world. If they know they can rely on themselves, they will realize that happiness is always within their grasp. They are the ones who can control and achieve it.

Show That You Believe in Their Ability to Do Things on Their Own.

Some toddlers start talking way later than expected because their mothers or fathers have gotten used to reading their thoughts. But that only breeds dependency. After all, they now know that they don’t have to say anything or do much to get what they want.

This sort of behavior should be discouraged, no matter the child’s age, but not with yelling or negative reinforcement. Instead, parents ought to help their children help themselves and breed confidence.

You can give them hints as to how to do some things or where to get them. But if you skip the next few steps and do all the work for them, you’ll not only spoil them but make them think they’re incapable of taking care of themselves.

In the end, the child may be entitled or insecure — and neither is a good option.

Give Advice, but Don’t Make the Decisions.

We all want our kids to think of us as their guides, so we sometimes believe that lets us play a vital role in their decision-making process. Parents have to realize that they shouldn’t decide on things for their kids if it’s something that concerns the child only (like their love life, for instance).

However, they can offer their guidance and dissect the pros and cons of various choices. Then, they should let the child analyze it all to reach an informed decision with full confidence.

Let Go of Your Fears and Stop Catastrophizing.

Finally, some parents are afraid of letting go because they believe their children will make mistakes and ruin their lives. A simple error, such as forgetting to take out the trash, immediately means that the child will never be able to take care of themselves and will do nothing productive in their life.

This is a sort of catastrophizing overbearing parents are prone to, and it may hinder them from raising independent children. Why worry when they can simply do things for their child and ensure they don’t make mistakes, right?

Naturally, the behavior is anything but healthy and should be limited by letting go step by step and easing the grip over a period of time. Parents should focus on creating boundaries and lowering their expectations. At the same time, they have to show the child that they believe in their capabilities.

That way, they will teach their offspring responsibility, accountability, and even problem-solving. When they know some actions lead to rewards (not just in terms of stuff but life in general) and others to consequences, they’ll slowly but surely realize they are the only ones able to change the outcome.

Final Thoughts

Parents shouldn’t feel too bad about raising entitled, spoiled children, as most of the time, they were only trying to protect them. However, if you notice that your child is becoming more spoiled each day, remember that such children may never become independent, confident adults. We want our offspring to have the best chance in life and reach their dreams and goals. To that end, we should do as much (or as little) as possible while they’re young so that we don’t hinder their capabilities or make them entirely dependent on us.

Originally Published :https://www.nexiawellness.com/discover/holistic-wellness-alternative-health/parenting-made-a-bit-easier-how-to-raise-independent-confident-children/

[aminiatureworld]

Interest II

Characters: Kaeya, Xiao, gn!reader

Word Count: 3,020

Warnings: Swearing

Premise: Sometimes emotions can be confusing. In those times it can be easier to shut down. After all, wouldn’t finding the truth out be scarier?

In which the reader assumes their character is disinterested, and pulls away.

Author’s Note: I wrote a lot tonight! It was nice to write for multiple characters again, made me feel like the good old days, or something. 

Hope I’m finally getting back on schedule and hope you enjoy!

Kaeya

If Kaeya flirted with you, he also flirted with all of Mondstadt; or so you kept telling yourself.

You liked the cavalry captain, you liked him a lot. It was easy to like him, as easy as breathing air. The thickets of romance, the awkward looks, the stilted conversations, the dying words. None of those things existed in Kaeya.

If there were roses there were thorns too, and though you tried to convince yourself that this emotion, this easiness was something good, there was a part of you that fought back at the idea. The reason things were so easy with Kaeya was because of one simple reason. He didn’t like you. Or not the way you liked him. Kaeya flirted with all of Mondstadt after all, and you were merely one library assistant in the middle of an entire country. Your existence wasn’t one for the history books. Not compared to the man that you’d managed to fall hopelessly in love with anyways.

At first you tried to ignore those voices, that cynical side of yourself that existed only, it seemed, to make you unhappy. You weren’t necessarily an optimist by nature, but you were a bit of a hopeless romantic, and flirting or not you at least hoped to get your point across. Delivering Kaeya’s library requests first, always going up to him at lunchtime to talk, even giving him a special gift for the Windbloom festival. You really did try, you didn’t think that the opposite could be argued. Still things continued on as relatively normal however, Kaeya’s flirting never seeming to grow particularly towards you. Eventually it became harder and harder to avoid the voice in your head sneering you were wasting your time. Or maybe you were just tired.

Either way the answer seemed to be obvious. You knew when the answer was to count your losses and move on, and surely this was one of those times. Kaeya wasn’t going to see you as a partner, he just wasn’t. That didn’t mean he wasn’t kind, or that your conversations with him weren’t lovely, or even that you weren’t still in love with him. Still, wasn’t it time to move on to kinder winds? You wanted a clean break, wanted an end to your painful waiting; didn’t want to experience that clench in your heart when you watched Kaeya flirting with someone else as the point just drove further and further home. You wanted reprieve, and the only way to do that was to admit the obvious. This wasn’t going to happen.

So you gave up, or did your best attempt at giving up. You still spoke to Kaeya, the gods knew you probably couldn’t stand not speaking to him. You still tried to keep as light as before, tried to retain the dynamic, for something was better than nothing. Yet your days of simply chasing after him were over, and as you settled into you schedule of new normalcy you found, though things weren’t necessarily easier, at least they seemed simpler. Besides, how much had really changed? Kaeya most likely didn’t notice.

“Kaeya, the manuscript you requested on Liyue trade history came in yesterday. There were also a few other things that came in, though Lisa told me they’re classified.”

“Oh Lisa, always a stickler for rules. Would you like to know what I requested?”

“Like you would actually tell me,” you snorted. “No, I’m fine. It’s none of my business.”

“Aw,” Kaeya pouted slightly, crossing his arms in front of him. He seemed to be doing that more often these days, though maybe you were simply imagining it. “Where’s your sense of adventure darling? You seemed to have lost it somewhere.”

“I’m just following rules,” you pointed out.

Something had shifted about the conversation at some point, and you were suddenly feeling an undercurrent that hadn’t been there before. Finding it uncomfortable you quickly removed the space between you and Kaeya, reaching out to place the brown paper wrapped books into his hands. Taking them Kaeya lifted an eyebrow. Turning around he went to put them on his desk.

The momentary reprieve in atmosphere you felt quickly died, as before you had time to turn around the cavalry captain was back, this time leaning closely towards you.

“What is it?” You asked. This was certainly Kaeya behavior, but it still startled you nonetheless.

“You’re acting funny.”

“What? I’m acting completely normal.”

“If you say so.”

But the tone conveyed that Kaeya didn’t agree one bit. A smirk painting his lips he turned around, though something bitter seemed to flash behind his eyes, and for a moment you wondered if he had somehow caught on to the secret you’d been hoping to keep to yourself.

After that things seemed to continue on as normal for a few weeks. If Kaeya’s books were secretly transgressive, they certainly weren’t doing anything actively, and life as an assistant librarian to the Knights of Favonius retained its languid, unhurried pace. Still a part of you had never forgotten about that weird snippet of conversation, one which was doing a surprisingly good job at eating away at you.

You were almost relieved when Kaeya brought the matter up again.

“Is something wrong darling?”

“You asked me that two weeks ago Kaeya.”

“Really? It’s been that long? I must be neglecting my duties,” he let out a careless sort of laugh, before his eyes steadied. “I was hoping that this time I might get a more honest answer.”

“So you think I’m lying to you when I’m saying nothing’s wrong?”

“Yes.”

“But I’m not! How could I be lying to both you and myself.”

“I find that doing such a thing is a surprisingly easy task. Nevertheless, even if you aren’t lying, there is something wrong.”

“And what would that thing be, Mr. Expert?” For some reason this conversation was aggravating you. Maybe because you couldn’t decide whether or not he was right.

“I don’t know, I was hoping you could tell me. I can’t say sorry for something I’m not aware of, I don’t know what I did. You do though. So the sooner you tell me what’s wrong the sooner things can go back to normal.”

“What do you mean by normal Kaeya? If anything this is more normal. Not that things have changed that much. I’m sorry I don’t deliver your books first, if that’s what you’re complaining about. But frankly, I don’t see what you’re so upset about? You’ve got plenty of other friends, so why are you complaining to me?”

Maybe it wasn’t your best use of logic, but your ability to circle around the focus of the conversation, the unspoken emotions that still burned through you, was somewhat lacking.

“This is not normal. I’m not talking about library books, I’m talking about friends. Or maybe avoidance. You’ve been avoiding me lately, even if you aren’t doing it completely. It wounds me, you know. My dearest companion, what did I do to earn their ire?”

“You did nothing.”

“That’s obviously a lie.”

“It’s not.”

“It is,” Kaeya voice was clipped, matching your same tone. Even now he was shifting himself to better fit the atmosphere in the room, something you normally valued so deeply.

“It’s not. It’s really not! That’s the problem Kaeya, don’t you see?” Tears that had threated the corners of your eyes were now burning across your vision, as your emotions finally broke through the paltry excuse for a dam you’d been building. “You’ve done nothing, you’ve never done anything. You’re always nice, and flirty, and a bit shameless. And that’s fine! It’s not your fault that you don’t feel like I feel for you. I don’t want to make you feel guilty. You flirt with everyone, and that’s fine. I don’t care! I really don’t. I don’t want to burden you. Still, can’t you just let me feel upset by it? Can’t you just let me give up? Do you know how painful it is not to give up? Why won’t you let me at least do that, but no! Instead you come in here talking about how everything’s different, as if I’ve offended you, or as if you worry would change anything. Of course it won’t! And it shouldn’t! But damn it Kaeya, I just want to be upset!”

By this time Kaeya had closed the space between you two, wrapping his arms around you and running soft, slightly cool, fingers through your hair. You nestled into him, despite yourself. You were so tired and so angry, and right now it didn’t really seem to matter who you cried on as long as you were crying on someone. Letting yourself be carried away by your emotions you let your ragged breathing unleash itself inside the walls of Kaeya’s office.

Eventually you calmed down. Though you expected Kaeya to step away when your breathing evened out, instead he remained there, continuing to run comforting fingers though you hair, his other hand gently cradling your shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that was the reason.” It was simple, direct. Undeniably Kaeya.

“What else would be the reason,” you grumbled.

“I don’t know. It’s why I asked. Thank you for answering me.”

“You forced me into it.” There was no true venom behind your words. You were sure Kaeya knew that.

“Is there anything you want to tell me?”

“No.”

“Not yet?”

You shook your head. “Not yet.”

“That’s alright. Now’s not the best time anyways, since I ought to look my best. Not that I don’t look amazing already, but I should dress up for an occasion such as that. Still, I hope that eventually you’ll allow yourself to live in a way that doesn’t make you unhappy. Sometimes we can’t do that. This time you can.”

“Maybe.”

“Good. I’ll be waiting for you darling, and you know how impatient I am.”

“What if you have to wait for a long time?” You were feeling quite contrary.

“Then I’ll wait. After all, I’ll have quite the reward for my patience.”

You smiled into Kaeya. Despite yourself, you knew it wouldn’t be that long.

 Xiao

With Xiao, the question was always boundaries. How far is too far? How far is not far enough? It was an endless maze, even if it was a maze you would gladly continue to explore, sure that the light at the end must lead to something truly beautiful. Still, you didn’t exactly need your emotions to come in and complicate something already so difficult to navigate.

At first you tired to ignore, to take a page from the book the yaksha you’d so hopelessly fallen for had written. Yet if was much harder than it ought to be, for loving Xiao seemed to come as naturally as breathing, and no amount of looking for faults seemed to be doing much to change that. After all, everyone has faults, and nothing could change the innate goodness you saw in Xiao, the wonder and light that he carried with him, despite his millennia of hardships.

At first you thought to tell him, to cross that border, find that boundary and test it with all the patience it had taken to test and cross those other boundaries.

“Xiao?”

“Mmm.”

“I, I have something to tell you.”

“What?”

“I, I made you some Almond Tofu!”

Xiao let his eyes widen with characteristic surprise, before leaping down nimbly from his perch to take the dish you brought out from behind your back. You watched as he ate it happily, warmth running through your veins. Nevertheless a part of you cried in frustration, perhaps even pain, for you knew you had failed to do what you had set out to do.

It wasn’t simply that you feared losing Xiao’s friendship, feared losing his respect. It was the boundaries, those invisible lines you were so careful not to step over. Xiao needed those boundaries, you knew he did. Though he had told you very little about his past, what he had told was horrific, and you hardly doubted that Xiao’s survival, his failure to spin into madness, was because of those walls he’d carefully constructed around himself. You wanted him to shed those walls yes, to slowly emerge from the darkness which he held around himself. But you weren’t ready to push him to do so, or not very much at least. It wasn’t truly in your nature to do so anyways.

So you expressed your feelings as best you could, with tofu and flowers and all the kindness you had to offer. When you weren’t working, spending your time sewing for a high-end Liyue shop, you were with Xiao. A part of you assumed that it would be enough, that if you gave Xiao enough of your time and enough of your attention the barriers would magically break down. One day you’d wake up and they’d be gone and you’d be happy, having never pushed things too far.

As nothing truly seemed to change however you grew slowly discouraged. You weren’t really aware of your flagging hopes, not really. It was more that you were busy, you were so busy. Besides, Xiao hadn’t expressed much sadness over losing your company. Perhaps he was secretly relieved, perhaps you had pushed too far at some point and he hadn’t told you. Maybe it was best that you give his boundaries time, and not push it too far.

Even looking back it was hard not to call the logic sound, or at least sound to you. In some ways you and Xiao were cut of the same cloth, and though that brought with it an understanding, it also brought its own set of issues. Neither of you were willing to walk over the line that the other drew, even if you could not see where they had actually drawn it. Even if not doing so was painful, the fear of what pain might come if you did was too great a discouragement.

So you began to slowly fade away, without being entirely aware that you were indeed doing so. You were busy after all, and Xioa was most likely too. He was still a yaksha after all, a being whose life was almost completely disconnected from your own. Surely it wouldn’t be that surprising if his views were similar? Maybe you truly had crossed a line, and that was why he never seemed to enquire after you. Or maybe it was that you hadn’t mattered all that much in the first place.

It was a wet, cold autumn day. You sighed slightly as you unlocked your door, having gotten drenched by protecting a bold of fabric you were bringing home to cut and pin. Letting out a huff, you opened the door and went to take a nap. You must’ve been tired, for it took a few seconds for the screech of surprise to leave you mouth at the sight of the unexpected intruder waiting for you.

“Xiao! You scared me!”

You stared at the yaksha, very much surprised by the sight of him. Your surprise had very little time to register though, being quickly replaced by concern for the storm so clearly gathering in Xiao’s eyes.

“You were gone for so long.”

“I’m sorry Xiao. It’s just been so busy you know, everyone’s preparing for the change in season. Besides…”

“Besides?”

“I didn’t want to bother you. I mean, I know you also have a job, and though I want you to find happiness outside of it, I don’t want to pressure you.”

Xiao’s facial expressions evidently conveyed that he was not impressed. Searching for the right words you let your gaze drift towards the floor. You weren’t sure that you were ever going to be ready for a conversation like this, but certainly not in the state you were now. Still, you owed Xiao some sort of explanation. Of course you did.

“I’m really sorry Xiao. I should have found time for you. It’s completely my fault.”

“That’s not what I want.” Xiao’s tone was gruff, frustrated. You found the frustration mirrored within yourself.

“What do you want?”

“I,” Xiao flushed. “I don’t want you to apologize. I’m not blaming you for anything. You shouldn’t apologize for nothing.”

“Sorry,” you mumbled.

Xiao shook his head. For a moment he just stood there, eyes stormy. Slowly though he reached out to take your hand. You found the act surprisingly comforting. You had missed Xiao’s hands, delicately built, calloused beyond believe. They felt comforting and warm and safe, and you wished you could never let go of them. Drawing strength from that you slowly raised your gaze slightly.

“What do you want, Xiao?”

At first Xiao said nothing. Perhaps he was staring at a line, contemplating whether to cross it. You had half the mind to apologize again, but managed to stop the words from coming out. You knew that it was just a force of habit. Besides, Xiao hadn’t said anything yet. A small spark of hope burned inside you, the hope that something might go well.

There was a gentle tug on your wrist and suddenly you were in Xiao’s arms, his hair gently tickling your nose.

“This,” he mumbled. “I want this.”

For a moment you felt yourself freeze in shock, but soon enough you found yourself melting into his embrace, wrapping your own arms around him. Xiao was warm like a heater, warm beyond that too. It was as if there was something in his soul. Gentle, flickering, it brought you happiness that you never thought you could imagine. You wanted to bask in it forever, it was worth any twists and turns you might have to take to reach it.

“Don’t disappear again.”

“I won’t.”

“I should have come earlier.”

“It’s alright. Hey, Xiao?”

“What?” Xiao’s arms tightened around you slightly. You didn’t want to talk much more either.

“What do you think of me?”

Xiao let out a soft snort. “I thought that was pretty obvious.”

“What?”

“I love you.”

It was more than you could have ever hoped for.

[docholligay]

The Green Knight: A Ramble Through the Field of Honor

So I talked in an earlier post very glancingly about the line “Why greatness? Is goodness not enough?” and how it fits into the idea that Gawain has no idea what true greatness looks like, and I think, dovetailing into that, we kind of have to talk about how Gawain is...not a great guy. 

And I’m not even talking about the way we begin the movie with him in a brothel, though I am going to use that to spring off here and talk about his conduct toward Essel. Knightly stories are full of these ideas of chivalry particularly around women, and I think Lowery is using Essel to make the point that Gawain is not doing that, not even remotely. Essel is a working girl, sure, but she’s also, as its shown throughout the movie, devoted to him, and cares for him far beyond his ability to provide for her. She even tells him that she has his gold, when she asks to be his lady, but she wants very simple things--to sit by his side at the fire, and have his ear, and be his lady. In full fairness to Gawain, I suppose, he never pretends even for a moment that he has any intention of doing that. Gawain is not interested in whatever he might owe her, because in seeking his greatness he utterly passes by this goodness. 

We see this again in “A Kindness” where he repeatedly tells the scavenger that he is “Just passing through” when asked if he is a knight, not dodging the question, exactly, but allowing the scavenger to think this untrue thing. The scavenger talks about how he has brothers out there, the wide field of bodies like the fallen trees, showing us the lumber that Camelot is built upon, but Gawain does not have a moment for sympathy or pause. He fails to see this kid as a human being, and the narrative allows us to glance over it too, fixated in the same way Gawain is on the destination and not the journey. 

Even when he is given instructions about how to get to the Green Chapel, when it’s been shown he has only the roughest sketched ideas of the way--and we can argue that the instructions may be false, but I’m not sure I think it matters--all he offers this scavenger, this BOY, is his thanks, despite being told he’s lost his family, was almost lost himself. He has to be shamed into offering a single coin, when Excalibur itself was offered to him when he needed the help. 

This goes back to the idea of a test, and of Gawain’s repeated failures to have honor, to be great. He can’t see that mercy and generosity are a part of what it means to be a knight, to bear that mantle of goodness that I would argue underlies the knightly ideal. 

This is why, when he’s captured and his things taken from him, he asks for the GReen Chapel and is told, “You’re in it.” This is a test as surely as kneeling before the Knight himself, and he’s failed, not only the test of generosity, but of courage, as he pleads with them that he’s not a knight, and he never said he was, and it’s true, that he isn’t, and so he’s stripped of all the trappings that make him a knight--his horse, his arms, his shield--because if he will not behave a knight, if he will not meet the world with the courage and honor he’s meant to have, then he may as well have none of it at all. 

Gawain is pretty much a world-class fuckboy until the Tale of St. Winifred, until he truly connects with the natural impulse within him in the form of the fox (More on this in a much longer later post) 

The tale of St. Winifred is his chance to begin his redemption, really the first time that he’s been willing to take any real instruction on the nature of becoming a knight--he sure as shit could not be bothered to listen to Arthur--and so this is where he earns back the axe. He earns back the right to even have this quest in the first place. 

I don’t know how much the audience knows about the tale of St. Winifred, but the details are changed from the usual telling of the story in order to support the themes of the film.  St. Winifred is also, in one sense, a tale of beheading and of virtue. That in upholding her ‘purity,’ she lost her life and her head. This is why I think it’s not actually a foregone conclusion that Gawain is spared at the end--I think Lowery makes the point that sometimes our values must be paid for in blood. 

The flexible nature of honor is addressed directly in Winifred’s story. From the beginning, when she tells him not to touch her, that “a knight should know better,” there’s a sort of restarting the clock on his ability to be that knight. He just failed the last test, but as people, we are not who we are in one moment, whether that is terribly virtuous, or terribly cowardly, but the accumulation of who we are in all the moments. Each story is the chance to start again, and that’s why you’ll see so much menton of his being a knight at the start of each ‘section.’ It’s his chance to begin this anew. 

In that way of, just tell the audience what’s going on, when Winifred is telling her story, of a man who came and desired to lay with her, and says, ‘Perhaps he was thee,’ that’s not just speaking to the sense of circles and repetition of nature in the movie--though not unrelated--but the idea that Gawain could be that man, could still, in a sense, choose to be that man. That he can always fail this test, too. 

“If I go and get it, what will be my reward?”

It takes you aback, just for a moment, when he asks her that, until we realize that we were all asking ourselves that too. Reading into the traditions behind knights and saints, I think we’re used to the idea that a boon will be received for dong the right thing, and Lowery asks us to evaluate all that in Winifred’s reply:

 “Why would you ask me that? Why would you ever ask me that?” 

Harkening back to when he didn’t give the kid more than just a single coin, and telling him, “my thanks”--does he really have the right to ask for such a thing when he couldn’t manage to reward kindness himself-- but also the idea that honorable tasks should be taken up for their own sake, and not in order to have a reward. Can you truly be said to be acting with chivalry and honor if you’re doing it for a reward, or even notoriety? 

Going back to my larger theory that Lowery is trying to bring forth the idea in all of this that there is no such thing as being a “knightly” sort of person at rest, while still holding that the decisions of a moment can cement the sort of person we continue to be, it makes sense that he would ask if we can say Gawain passes this test, if Winifred regards him. 

“Now I can see thee,” she says, because this is a baptism of sorts, and being a saint, she can only see a soul in clarity. This is the direct opposite to the moment that Arthur tells him he has mud on his face, this is in direct opposite to his behavior with Essel, this is him doing the right and kind thing for a woman, without a thought to reward, and in that, he is cleaned, and Winifred can see what’s underneath, the sort of man he can be under what he’s accumulated. 

ANd this is why he gets back the axe. It gives him leave to continue his quest, even though just a bit earlier, when asked where he was going, he simply said, “home.” But the show of the axe let him know that honor was not yet lost to him, that there was still a chance to be the sort of person he might have been. 

WHich, by the way, does not makes things clear to him still. Life is not that simple, and I am very very resolute on my idea that a lot of what this movie is about is about the journey of our own lives to meet death and live with honor inasmuch as we can overcome our own cowardice and shitty behavior to do so, and even at the end of it all, about to meet the Green Knight, asked why he’s doing it, expressing that honor is why a knight does what he does, and then, pressed, says:

“Honor is a part of the life I want.” 

This is Lowery pretty firmly taking aim at the old Arthurian texts, wherein honor very often good be a sole raison d’etre, saying that for most of us--and I would argue the whole reason Gawain is a fuck up is that he’s meant to represent most of us--that isn’t enough. There needs to be something more. 

I also don’t think, for all I’ve talked about tests, that Gawain’s cowardice with the Green Knight had to be the end of the story. I think Essel’s pregnancy, and his cruelty, was a test. I think lying about what happened in the Green Chapel and accepting a knighthood was a test. I think there are multiple tests in that little interlude, but you see, the problem is, the more you do something, the more you’ll do it. As he makes these choices, this more and more becomes the man he is, as these choices stack up like stones, it gets harder and harder to knock down that wall. This is why his green sash--his cowardice--has become a physical part of him by the end of that interlude, bleeding as he draws it out. 

Honor isn’t set, and it isn’t enough. Life is a confusing journey, rife with difficulty to do the right thing with consistency not because of outside influence so much as ourselves. Gawain’s great antagonist in al of this is not the Green Knight, but himself. Such as it is for all of us, as we TRY to be good people, and risk sometimes redefining honor, or greatness, what it means to be “a knight” in order to convince ourselves that it might be true. 

“Is this all there is?” Gawain asks, before the axe is laid down, and I want to give Dev Patel a lot of credit here, though I’ve mostly been focusing on imagery and story. I’m not sure this would work as well if he hadn’t made it feel quite as human as it does, when he says it. It’s the question I think all of us ask, as we contemplate our own deaths, our own struggles to even up with what was right. Is there no way of knowing what comes next? 

Life is a series of tests. A measure of honor. And what else ought there be?

On Doc and The Green Knight

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

some really weird-ass shit I've been thinking about lately: how to do the world/myself a favor

There are lots of things I feel guilty about, and lots of things I'm embarrassed about – it's almost always about a failure to follow an inner standard, or to pursue an ideal, in some way.

There are lots of things I've done that I hated doing, and a lot of times I feel shame about having done them. "Well, what if the things I'm ashamed about were actually really good?"

If I do the right thing, or say the right thing, or whatever, then I'm rewarded with an emotional high, a sense of relief or pleasure, and a warm glow of satisfaction and pride. If I don't do it or say it, I feel like a monster.

Now, sometimes I get into this mode – I think to myself, "maybe this is something I'm just feeling shame over out of habit. Maybe it's just a cultural thing, or something that happens to a lot of people? Maybe it's some kind of fundamental failure that can't be overcome in the short term? I shouldn't always feel like I did something wrong. I really think that actually good things should be a source of pleasure – I really, really think that, and I should try to make it a source of pleasure for me as well."

And I've been thinking about this a lot, to the point where there's this huge gap between the way I think about myself, or how I think other people talk about themselves, and the way I ought to. Or rather, there are two different gaps.

I want to get to a point where I'm better at expressing how I feel and what I'm thinking and doing in the moment. I want to get closer and closer to my own interiority, rather than just responding to outside expectations. This should not be viewed as a mere matter of making a bunch of specific changes, with a particular outcome in mind. I want to try to get used to a particular type of thought – that is, I want to get used to thinking in a very particular way (which may or may not turn out to be useful), without worrying about whether the outcome will be beneficial in a specific, concrete way. I want to get closer and closer to what I really think – what I actually think is the best thing for the world to happen. I want to get closer and closer to the source of the inner voice that tells me how I ought to be.

One of the most difficult things to get used to about this is that I don't want to be like that, at least not all the time. I feel like this would have horrible side-effects. Or rather, I would try very hard to avoid it, and my attempts to avoid it would produce a different unpleasant kind of behavior, the same kind of behavior that I'm ashamed about right now. Or I would just end up endlessly agonizing over every little thing I did. (I might look like I was constantly agonizing over every little thing I did. I would spend a long time carefully searching for the best reasons to justify what I had done, when I had done it, or why I had failed to do it. I would get involved in a lot of complicated intellectual projects, and I'd spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to justify/explain why things I had thought, believed, or done were right. I would want to justify every little thing I said or did, but I would almost always go along with a lot of things because I knew it wasn't worth it.)

There's a similar problem with not expecting to be like this, which is much more difficult to get used to because it's more socially expected. I really do think that I shouldn't have these expectations about myself. (It is really a source of pain to have an inner voice that tells me I should want to do something and then I have a perfectly good reason not to do it because of the outcome – and what about all the things that would be good if I did them that I do want to do, that are actually in line with my values, but that I do them anyway because of that annoying internal voice.)

This isn't actually any new to me – it's one of the fundamental and constant sources of guilt. But it's important for me to be aware that these are very different things, that I am in some sense supposed to be like that, and that if I am like this there's a whole new realm of horrible, paralytic self-doubt opening up in my head, a realm of fear about whether I ought to do the right thing or say the right thing or whatever.

[nicklloydnow]

“To concepts like suicide, homicide, and genocide, we should add "semanticide" - the murder of language. The deliberate (or quasi-deliberate) misuse of language through hidden metaphor and professional mystification, breaks the basic contract between people, namely the tacit agreement on the proper use of words. Thus it is that the “great" philosophers and politicians whose aim was to control man, from Rousseau to Stalin and Hitler, have preached and practiced semanticide; whereas those who have tried to set man free to be his own master, from Emerson to Kraus and Orwell, have preached and practiced respect for language.” (pages 22, 23)

“The rhetoricians of race are not content with repudiating the oppression of the Negro but acclaim that “black is beautiful"; the rhetoricians of drugs are not content with rejecting false claims about the harmfulness of certain drugs but assert that toxic chemicals “expand the mind"; the rhetoricians of madness are not content with opposing the psychiatric violence inflicted on persons labeled mentally ill but claim that schizophrenia is not a “breakdown" but a “breakthrough.” In short, ours is an age in which partial truths are tirelessly transformed into total falsehoods and then acclaimed as revolutionary revelations.” (pages 23, 24)

“Philosophy is, literally, the love of knowledge; phobosophy is the fear of it. There are obviously more “phobosophers" in the world than philosophers.” (page 24)

“If he who breaks the law is not punished, he who obeys it is cheated. This, and this alone, is why lawbreakers ought to be punished: to authenticate as good, and to encourage as useful, law-abiding behavior. The aim of the criminal law cannot be correction or deterrence; it can only be the maintenance of the legal order.

* * *

Punishment is no longer fashionable. Why? Because - with its corollary, reward - it makes some people guilty and others innocent, some good and others evil; in short, it creates moral distinctions among men, and, to the "democratic" mentality, this is odious. Our age seems to prefer a meaningless collective guilt to a meaningful individual responsibility.” (page 42)

[merakiui]

I was reading through your tags and you mentioned at some point the kazuscara roommates finding your onlyfans and I think I completely combusted—thus i present to you my brain rot of late: you attend the same school as them but you’re not actually friends, all you know about kazuha is that he’s the friendly regular at the cafe you work at, who makes polite conversation every now and then but otherwise is nothing of note. In reality he’s been stalking you for weeks ever since your first encounter, and is dead set on the idea that you’re this innocent, weak thing that needs to be protected (maybe he stepped in when you had a bad customer and your meek reply helped fester his delusions?). Scara, on the other hand, is only aware of your presence since you’re his favourite cam model that he recently found. (Since he’s a harbinger he’s probs loaded) Weeks of funnelling money towards you cause him to feel this unwarranted possessiveness, believing that since he’s been providing so much in your “relationship” that it’s time you reward him in turn. However, despite the unbridled interest they have toward you neither are aware of each other’s feelings for you— that is, until you happen to run into the both of them heading to your class. While both are known for maintaining their stoic masks, they’re friends for a reason— and instantly can tell the attraction their roommates have towards their own “lover”. After kazuha finds your onlyfans he’s certain that you’ve been coerced and wants to save you, while scara thinks it’s time that he’s stopped letting other plebeians look at his possession—so, despite their initial reservations, come together to form the ideal plan. When you find yourself waking up groggy in a room you don’t recognize, all they can do is look on with glee whilst planning their next course of action with their new belonging. They’re friends after all, and good friends share though, don’t they?

This is v long srry lol you can ignore this ofc!!

AAAH, ANON!! YES!!! <3 I couldn’t resist writing more on this concept. orz They make for such a terrifying pair when they work together!

(cw: yandere, stalking, nsfw, implied kidnapping/drugging, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, delusional thoughts, savior complex, implied violence)

What if Kazuha and Scara were just acquainted with one another and actually became closer through their mutual obsession with you? Yes, they’re roommates and ought to get along because they’re living together but they haven’t exactly clicked yet. They talk every now and then and know little things about each other. Nothing too special. They don’t really hang out outside of their dorm either, what with their class schedules being vastly different. And Kazuha’s always out of the dorm doing who-knows-what. Most of his time is spent at a café, where he’ll write and read and stare at you while you work. On the other hand, Scara prefers to stay inside if he doesn’t have a good reason to go out. He likes his alone time. Although he has enjoyed going to the library every now and then to study.

So maybe they need to find some common ground. Maybe they need a push in the right direction before they get closer.

Kazuha likes to stare. Talking to you is great, but he worries he’ll say too much and then he’ll be a nuisance, or you might not want to talk to him at all since you’re working. But you always regard him with a warm smile, happy to scribble his name on the plastic cup because you remember him. Because you recognize his familiar face and soft, gentle eyes. He’s the one who saved you from that rude customer, after all, and he’s a polite regular. Why wouldn’t you know him? You might look like you can handle those types of situations, but what Kazuha saw that day was something entirely different. You were nervous—so soft-spoken and scared. He absolutely has to protect you from those kinds of people now, doesn’t he?

And he does exactly that. He’s your second pair of eyes—your valiant knight in shining armor—who sees and hears all. Sometimes he goes to the café with the intention to simply watch over you and make sure no one’s bothering you. He can recall one time when a customer was speaking rudely about you because her drink hadn’t been prepared in a ‘timely manner.’ In reality it’s impossible to make a drink within a few seconds, especially when you’re already preoccupied with making another customer’s drink. She must’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed, or maybe she’s just a hateful person in general. You didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of such fiery insults, though.

Her eyes just can’t see your perfection and therefore she does not deserve to see out of them.

Kazuha’s willing to wrestle with all of this darkness if it means you’ll stay safe, oblivious, and pure. You’re like a defenseless kitten, unable to protect yourself from the scary world. He writes about you a lot in his journal; you’re his muse—someone who constantly shows up in poems and short paragraphs where he tries to describe what your dream date might be or what type of wedding you’d prefer. Things get darker the deeper you delve into his writings, where you’ll find entries in great detail. Kazuha writes a lot and he doesn’t even mean to. He just has to get all of his thoughts on paper before they abandon him and he’s left with emptiness.

Everything you do is pure; you’re almost an equivalent to a holy being. Your smell is pure. Your body is pure. Your actions are pure. Your smile is pure. Even when you’re on the verge of crying from harsh customers or when you’re turning down a confession, you’re still pure. And Kazuha likes that about you because it’s special. There aren’t many people in his life who are completely pure. He’s been through a lot of rough things and has seen firsthand how impure people can be. It’s only fair that he gets a chance to protect purity itself.

He might have some impurities, but that doesn’t deter him from watching over you. As gentle and unassuming as he is, there are times when even he loses his composure. Not many are privy to these dark emotions of his. His smiles are sharp and venomous and his eyes fill with a gloom so dark it can swallow you whole. You’ll never see this side of him; he won’t allow it. Instead you’re treated to his sweet, calm side, where he feigns perfection in hopes of catching your interest.

As for Scara… He doesn’t really care about Kazuha in the beginning. He’s just someone he has to live with. It’s not a big deal and as long as he doesn’t try to make lots of pointless conversation everything will be okay. He prefers the peace and quiet, considering he’s acquainted with people who are far from peaceful and quiet. Scara’s relieved that Kazuha leaves the dorm so often because it gives him an opportunity to watch his favorite cam star’s most recent video. He’s your most loyal follower—someone who’s paid lots of money just to have access to the highest tier of rewards and such. He even got a private video where you addressed him and moaned out his name with lustful thoughts of him. Having lots of money comes in handy.

When he finds out that you go to the same school as him, he’s a little shocked. He didn’t expect you to be so close. You’re practically within touching distance. If only he knew your schedule. If only you were in one of his classes. It’s really annoying that he only knows your online presence and not who you might be in your personal life. The last thing he’s going to do is consult Childe, that popular athlete who knows literally everyone in the school for whatever reason. Surely he knows you. But he’ll die before he ever asks Childe for a favor.

Scara loves you out of every other cam model because you’re different. You’re not just trying to get fast cash. You’re genuine. You listen to your subscribers and their feedback. You do your best to improve and do even better streams than the previous ones. All of your hard work is overlooked by the other fools who watch your streams, but it isn’t overlooked by him. Scara appreciates your attention to detail and the way you’re able to hook him with your breathless voice alone. You’re very skilled at what you do, so it’s only fair you get paid for it.

But buying your services isn’t enough. It’s not a real relationship, but it certainly feels like it when he buys preferential treatment. Private shows, special requests, odd favors—you do it all because he pays for it. But this relationship isn’t going to be one-sided forever. You’ll have to pay him back in full eventually. Scara likes to think he has patience and that waiting is fine. It gives him more time to plan his next move—to figure out what he should do to finally have you all to himself. So that those private shows he watches through a screen can finally be real.

Scara finds the journal sitting innocently on Kazuha’s bed, its maroon cover and maple leaves pulling at his curiosity. He might not know everything about Kazuha, but he’d recognize this journal anywhere. His roommate almost always has it on his person. Scara wouldn’t be surprised if he slept with it. To say he’s curious would be absolutely correct. He can only wonder what Kazuha writes in that thing. Perhaps it’s just notes for a class. That’s what anyone would think, right?

Scara opens it and flips through the first few pages. They’re normal for the most part. Just a bunch of haikus and other useless scribbles. When he skips over some pages, he starts to find things that are far more interesting than poetry and doodles of cats. He finds the majority of the journal is comprised of information. More specifically, there are facts and other knowledge about you—the cam model he’s been obsessed with ever since he stumbled upon your onlyfans. He reads through as much of the journal as he can and instantly learns so much: your address, your roommate, your workplace, your friends’ names, names of any potential exes. The list goes on and on.

Scara doesn’t have anything against Kazuha. His first impression of him wasn’t anything groundbreaking. He thought he was a pushover at first. But now that he knows what this journal holds… Well, it sheds an entirely new light on his roommate.

Just days before Scara took a peek inside his journal, Kazuha discovers your secret online life. He snoops through Scara’s laptop when he steps out, having left it open and unlocked. He’s just trying to find what could have caught Scara’s interest, as he’s almost always glued to his laptop on specific days at specific times, with his headphones on and his gaze unyielding. He doesn’t intend to find the file of one of your private videos—something that was meant only for Scara’s eyes.

He clicks on the video out of interest. He’s not sure what he was expecting to see, but it definitely wasn’t this. Kazuha sits there and stares at the sight before him. You’re dressed in skimpy lingerie and you’re muttering the dirtiest things while coating your fingers in lube. And your hands are stroking a thick toy and you’re addressing Scara and you’re lining it up to your hole and— He shuts the laptop before it can get even more explicit than it already is. He’s so conflicted, fraught with a betrayal so strong it weighs his heart down.

Why would he have this sort of video on his laptop? Did you give it to him? Did he make you do this? Are you in danger? Are you still pure?

Kazuha can’t kill on campus. It’s way too risky and he’d be one of the first suspects if Scara’s body is found. Besides, it’s not like he has the full story. He doesn’t know whether or not Scara’s done something that’s worthy of death. You could just be in a tight spot. He knows how easily you give in when you’re under pressure. Maybe you’re just doing this because you feel like it’s the only thing you can do. Not to worry; Kazuha will save you before Scara can ruin your purity with his twisted fantasies.

They confront each other when the time feels right. Kazuha struggles to keep a smile plastered to his face for the sake of politeness, while Scara holds in his raging temper so that he can bear some semblance of cooperation. Neither of them is happy to hear that the other went through their stuff, but they force themselves to make up because a more pressing issue is at hand: their connection to you.

Kazuha says he’s your secret admirer. Scara says he’s in a relationship with you. There’s no way you’d ever date someone like Scara—Kazuha knows this for a fact. Yet he falters at the confidence in Scara’s tone. That can’t be the truth, right? Despite this, Kazuha still strikes up an offer: If they work together to get what they both want, they’ll be unstoppable. With Scara’s riches and his influence and Kazuha’s charisma and clever thinking, they can easily get their hands on you. Of course this means they’ll have to share, but it’s not a big deal when they’re already in so deep. They both know the other’s secret; now they’re swearing to keep it in the pursuit of having you all to themselves. And luckily Scara agrees to the deal, but that doesn’t give Kazuha a reason to lower his guard.

However despite how well they work together when it comes to planning the kidnapping and actually executing it, they both have their own reasons for wanting you. Scara wishes to make his relationship with you a reality—to toss aside the screen that once held him back and finally do all of the things he could only do in his dreams. Kazuha seeks to protect your fragile heart, lest you crumble under Scara’s intense way of doing things and cling to him for salvation. You can’t do those sorts of things with Scara; he won’t allow it. Your purity is meant for him and no one else.

But sharing is caring and some have to learn that the hard way. It definitely brings Kazuha and Scara closer together, even if neither of them will admit it. If they look past their desires, they can be friends. And soon enough they’ll have to accept this new friendship if they want to avoid any unnecessary complications.

However there are times when they’ll cooperate in order to do things with you. They’re a packaged deal you can’t get rid of.