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#because it all just redirects back
napping-sapphic · 1 year
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i want to fall in love in a way that always gives me something positive to think of like i want to love someone so much that i know i can send my thoughts in their direction to calm myself down and get away from everything else for a bit i don’t know i guess i just want something good to think about
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youngpettyqueen · 2 months
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I know the decision to have Julian's parents have him augmented was made on the fly but imo its pretty obvious from early on that Julian has Family Issues because he avoids talking about his family like the plague and I think they should've incorporated this into the Julian and Sisko dynamic right from early on because I think it would've made for some really compelling stories and moments and could've set up a REALLY interesting Julian and Jake dynamic which they kinda started to do but never fully went for
#star trek: ds9#julian bashir#benjamin sisko#jake sisko#s1 Julian being so young and eager to prove himself and latching onto Sisko as this mentor figure to look up to#seeing Sisko with Jake and low-key seeking that fatherly figure connection which he won't even let himself think about#Sisko seeing this young brilliant doctor who's got all the makings to be something great and he's just GOTTA help him along#I think he would also catch on pretty quick that Julian's got Parental Issues#he tries to ask one day all casual like 'tell me about yourself :)' and Julian talks about nothing but Starfleet and med school#any attempts to ask about his family are met with awkward brief answers and redirections#and then theres the way Julian's eyes light up the first time Sisko invites him to watch a baseball game#like he Knows. he's a dad he Knows somethings up#but he doesnt pry#I also think it makes their dynamic more tragic towards the end of the series#where we have Sisko asking Julian to compromise his morals again and again#Julian's trust and respect for him gradually deteriorating#and then at the end of course Sisko is gone and they have no idea when he'll be back#which I think Julian would have a lot of complicated feelings about#but of course theres also Jake#I imagine they'd get closer#very brotherly dynamic#you know that scene in TNG where Wesley goes to Riker for girl advice and Riker and Guinan start flirting?#absolutely happens but with Jake asking Julian for girl advice and Julian wooing a girl at Quark's and Jake absolutely loses the plot#makes the events of ...Nor the Battle to the Strong more intense as well I think#also I like to think there'd be an episode where the B plot is Jake gets mad at Sisko and impulsively decides to move out#ends up at Julian's because he did not think this through#Julian is now very much caught in the middle of this family drama and he Fucking Hates It#also him and Jake are NOT compatible roommates but he's trying so so hard to be nice#eventually they have a talk and Julian cryptically hints at his own home life and tells Jake he's lucky he has a dad who cares so much#them being closer would work into what Alone Together sets up for them
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karouvas · 4 months
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I can understand someone not liking Gansey that much but I Can Not imagine calling him boring. Sir that’s President Freak of Clowntown right there…
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cranberrymoons · 3 months
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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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catcactusoww · 2 months
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quitting art aside from what I want to do for myself. ai has destroyed any market, and I do not want to have to be an influencer or internet personality for attention. I sincerely just want to paint whatever I want and live my life with more regular income and less stress. Thanks for the support.
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fantasykiri5 · 4 months
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Hey in the events of an Avatar AU, do you guys think Adaine would be a waterbender (ice, frost, blue theme) or a lightening speciality fire bender? (Witch bolt/lightning bolt reminiscent, only element to conjure bending material out of thin air which is like magic, fire could be blue)
#if she were a water bender she’d probably be the one to figure out firebenders can use water techniques to redirect lightening#also I have Gorgug as an earth (metal speciality/inventor) bender (like Toph) Fig as a fire bender (lava speciality?)#Riz as earth nation non-bender#Fabian as late blooming fire bender (no speciality)#and Kristen as The Fucking Avatar because she’s the funniest one to be the Avatar. also she’s already the chosen one and possibly the-#-strongest cleric in all of spire so like#*was the chosen of helio and then made a god and brought back Cassandra THEN Cassandra and Ankarna#instead of having arrows she’s got stars on her forehead and just below her collarbones (where the unicorn stabbed) that light up in the-#-avatar state#Cassandra was the avatar before her I think.#going my the cycle Cass would make a good waterbender I think which would put Kristen in earth which is fitting#which also means she’d learn fire first and Fig would be her teacher#then she’d have to find someone with air. Adaine might make a good airbender too??? idk#or someone she doesn’t get along with as well because air would be hardest for her#maybe kipperlilly? and she starts training with her but they fall out and Kristen has to go continue learning on her own#Fabian would learn fire WITH Kristen I think because he didn’t know he could bend before their quest#and Gorgug would invent metal bending some time during their adventure. even as the avatar Kristen struggles to get a hold of that one-#-but she’s pretty alright with sand#Fabian learns he can bend when they find fig and was thought to be a non bender before that#Riz was their bow guy and Fabian was their sword guy#Captain Seacaster was a fire nation pirate and Halariel was maybe a water nation non-bending citizen? or rival pirate/fought off pirates#Cathilda is a fire bender for sure#Oisín is a lightning bender Maryanne is an earth bender#Ruben and Ivy are non benders (or maybe ivy is a swamp bender?) Buddy is a non bender#Lucy is a waterbender#Kipperlilly was either an airbender (Kristen’s failed teacher) or a non bender I think. or maybe fire#kiri rambles#adaine abernant#fhjy#avatar au
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There always seems to be one kid who just screams like a tornado siren, all day long, at any given opportunity. Like, kid, I love you, you are precious and deserve all the happiness in the world; but please for the love of god shut up. There are people trying to learn here and you’re not helping them or yourself.
#I don’t like being harsh with people in general but if one child is raising the tension in the room to a fever pitch every single day#making it incredibly hard for the kids who are trying really really hard to focus when they already have focus issues#and because I know this specific kid gets absolutely spoiled rotten at home and is allowed to do whatever they want#you know… sometimes it helps to show the kid how they sound to others by demonstrating the obnoxious nature of The Scream#because when the parents do Jack Shit about teaching their kid discipline and courtesy; you have to be a parent in their stead#But do NOT continue to scream. You are an adult with adequate emotional control. Screaming should be be done EXTREMELY sparingly#and only utilized for demonstration purposes or to stop a brawl; not for bullying or intimidation#Don’t do a JoJo Siwa and TRY to make kids cry even though you may get stressed enough that you want to escalate on purpose#Again: you are an adult with adequate emotional control; don’t escalate unless the overreaching plan is to deescalate#if eliciting a startle response will stop harmful behavior and “snap them out of it” for long enough for you to get through#or if they just need to let all their emotions out at once so they can lose enough of that high energy to think critically#then sure#but you have to guide them back down very carefully and calmly; it’s a precise science#Don’t be mean about it; be genuine in your feelings and don’t go overboard. Genuine ≠ mean unless you’re evil#Or if you don’t feel emotions very strongly (like I do) then react like a “normal” person. Lie about being angry or sad if it is appropriat#Again: Your goal should not be to get the kid to do what you want; the goal should be to get them to feel good enough#so they are ABLE to do it in the first place#And the goal should also be to show them how their actions affect others if they are not aware of it#“Teach a man to fish” and all that. Don’t always check them; get them to check themselves#If a kid hits another kid when they’re angry at something completely unrelated; then 1.) redirect destructive behavior#and 2.) walk them back over to the kid they hurt and say:#“Look at [name]; look how sad you made them. [name] didn’t do anything to you#It’s okay to be angry but we CANNOT hit people when we are angry because it hurts and makes them cry.” Works great#Always remember there is a power imbalance inherent in EVERY child-adult relationship and NEVER abuse it#And if you’re not patient or emotionally stable enough to work with or have children; then don’t. Please don’t.#Children are not cute little dolls to play dress-up with; nor are they perfect angels; nor are they your personal stress ball#Having children is NOT A GAME. They are PEOPLE who will grow to be your age one day and everything you do affects them#Sorry I’m just tired of all these parents who shove iPads in their kids faces so they don’t bother them. You’re giving them an addiction
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deancoded-deangirl · 8 months
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hello can nick and i get married yet just asking for a friend
#he's the weirdest dude but he's so fucking patient with me#i need someone patient and stable to ride the emotional waves with me until i get better at self regulating#so far i'm getting really good at telling him that i need a minute or i'm going to be mean and passive aggressive#so then he gives me a minute and i regroup and then can speak rationally#which is GREAT for me who was once so brutally cruel instinctively#anyway by patient and stable i didn't mean he's my punching bag#i just meant that he doesn't match my extreme emotions (he will match excitement and happiness) and thus provides a baseline#like he stays steady so when i'm upset or mad he'll ask why and i break it down and by the time it's broken down i'm like... okay#so there was no reason to be upset#and we talk about impact vs intent all the time like sometimes he a lil weird in talking so it comes off bad#but yeah he's just really stable and so it's easy to bring myself back if no one is hyping me up#and whenever i'm irritated with him i'll still call his ass and put myself on mute and fall asleep with him on the phone#he's very good at calling me out too (he's also great at taking accountability if he does something)#like one time he showed me a video and i only watched a sec before jumping down his throat#and he called me out and i apologized and redirected and all#one time he had an attitude (when I was upset) and i was like dude what's with the tone#he's also good at like... idk what to call it#but he told me during one of those times when i was upset that it wasn't fair to him to say no but then expect him to do it anyway#because how was he supposed to know when to listen to me and when to not? it was a no win for him and it wasn't fair#and you know what? he was so correct and true for it#i apologized for that too#anyway. when can i marry him.#nick
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shivasdarknight · 5 months
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banging my head on the table
why do people have this urge to come onto other peoples' posts and make it about themselves.
the number of times ive talked about My Own Lore publicly and someones come onto My post to talk about their stuff while completely ignoring everything i said.
like do you not realize how shitty that feels. wouldnt you not want it to happen to you.
then why the FUCK do you do it to others.
#yes this is about xiv twt.#original#a recent SERIES of incidents of this nature reminded me of one that had me delete my own damn thread#i was just spitballing echo ideas and someone came in to take my ideas and start talking about their ideas and how to apply my stuff to#their character and everything witHOUT AT ALL acknowledging ANYTHING i said#(this is also the same person who i dm'd when trying to decide between two voice claims for surkie#and instead of giving feedback they just took one of them for their own character#''hey im thinking kaine or jackass'' ''oh i hadnt considered jackass for my character im gonna use that now! :)'' End Me.)#theres a common excuse that comes with a lot of these and i just. theres a point where you need to Stop using that excuse#because its such a widespread problem of people whove never been in collaborative writing spaces that dont know how to Take Turns Talking#or asking into the other person's stuff. like if you ever wonder why i stop talking to you#think for a second and maybe look back at the conversations to see how equal they are in terms of attention and consideration#at some point i just start ghosting bcuz im too exhausted to deal with people who just come onto my posts where im talking about My story#just to redirect to them and their shit and what they do its just#i already deeply feel like shit about what i write and i know the majority of the people who i talk to dont read my shit#i know of maybe 3 people who have out of How many people who've said they would but never have?#who say they like my writing but never actually touch it?#you dont need to add onto it by turning attention back to yourself when im talking to myself on my twt or tumblr.#what i decide to post about my writing is not a launching pad for you to go on about your wol and i s2g y'all need to stop#it's such assholish behavior
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monty-glasses-roxy · 1 year
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Ya know, I was gonna add onto that post about the ask and be like "Hey in the meant time... Let me briefly explain what I use Tumblr for and how I'm currently feeling about things that have been happening for a long while now. Here's what I'm planning to do now and why I'm doing it."
But ya know what? I don't want to spend ages thinking how to explain something I have already said. Long and short is that I'm tired man. I've remembered why I was always hesitant to post artwork or talking pieces or fanfic before. Like, it was different when I was making it, the making was always for me, but when I share it here, it really fucking sucks to get silence, when a cookie cutter incorrect quote or I dunno pronouns Delilah wouldn't and didn't.
That's the shorthand of this. I'm annoyed. I'm upset. It makes you wonder if what you made didn't matter but it did. Of course it did. Notes are just a number, yeah, but I don't want to reduce myself to asking for people to talk about something with every post I give a shit about anymore. I'm tired. I'm done. No more kicked puppy in the window wondering why no one will come out and play. People don't want to play? That's fine. It's a valid choice, even if not the one I was hoping for. My fun isn't everyone else's fun and that's just life. I'm just not going to keep asking people to come out and play when know that people don't want to.
I'm doing it anyway. I'm playing a different game now. A singleplayer one, with an optional multiplayer. My game, my rules. What does this mean for the blog? Nothing. Don't worry about it. Stay tuned because this new game is better than the last one and one I've been meaning to play again for a long while now. If you notice a difference in the type of posts? Well.
Feel free to break the silence.
#(I'm upset but I'm trying to make a point. that's the intended tone I'm not going for anger or anything)#I have plans. I've made a decision.#I'm redirecting my upset back into what I was doing before#I'm gonna stick to it. it's important.#this is all I'm saying on the subject now#it's NOT just about that one recent post that's just what brought it to my full attention#I'm more aware of myself now. I'm more aware of the WORLD now.#that's what these meds have been doing to me. they've made me more aware than ever#and now I'm making steps to make it better.#in EVERYTHING!!! including here#tumblr making me sad? fix it.#I don't want to leave here but I'd be lying if I didn't think about that as a possible solution#I'd lose more than I gained if I did that so like shit am I leaving#time to start sharing things that REALLY matter again#stuff that is MORE than what I've been doing lately#I may start on this tomorrow or later tonight because I'm not in a positive enough mindset#but yeah. I'm reviving my old resolutions with new enthusiasm#because it was silent. I got nothing for it. but hoping for otherwise was different#it wasn't so people could share in the joy with me it was the opposite.#so I'm going back to that.#when I can lift my spirits today or tomorrow I'm going back to it with all the energy in the world!!#I'm gonna give it EVERYTHING because it DESERVES everything and no one else is gonna fucking do it are they?#why won't they? that's what I wanna know.#that's the real question to me.#that's enough for this post I think. if you made it this far then congrats#if you're a moot or friend you know where to find me. I'm fine just feeling really strongly about some things#gonna dive in the deep end to get this right now and I'll probs need some help if anyone's up for it#but anyway. I have stuff to do. I've said what I needed to say#time to move on and do something better.#just you wait gonna blow all your asses out of the water with this one
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rarsneezes · 2 years
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i made a separate account to save the url but don’t feel like goign thru the hassle of actually swapping the urls between my main and this account
so if you’re looking for rar, who is “rarsneezes” on all sites exept for tumblr, hi! you found them!
my actual blog is at rarmaster.tumblr.com, lmao
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actual-corpse · 2 months
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You know your website sucks ass if you have to open it in Incognito Mode just to get it to work.
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loverboydotcom · 8 months
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free writing or at least the idea of free writing i have grown for myself is so…..well freeing….like for me it’s the idea that i can write a moment or an image or a line playing out in my head without trying to construct it as an actual scene yet. and not figure out just yet how ill thread it into a narrative. like I’ve had this moment in my head for two days i want to use as a flashback scene and i want to write it now because 1) it is quite literally looping in my head 2) i need to free write some bobby to figure him out more. anyway i was playing with writing it in my head and there was this pause for exposition to explain an idea about Bobby’s behaviour and how this moment reflected/contrasted that and i was like waitttt this is too Stopping To Explain Something could i not just show this earlier? but idk what that would look like or what we would know before this scene because it’s not. a full scene in a narrative yet! AND THEN i was like waitttt well it isn’t a scene yet it’s exploring an idea of a scene so I literally don’t have to worry about that. and in fact some extra exposition to clearly lay out an idea and see it in text would be good for developing that idea esp as a discovery writer….and when i write the actual draft and put this scene in then i can figure out if that exposition is needed still….but like i am just allowed to write with no consideration of how im writing it just letting myself flesh out an idea…..all things that feel obvious when i say it out loud but 2024 really is all about stripping down our ideas of productive writing and how we use craft…..anyway the scene is gonna be a hit i can’t wait to play with it
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foldingfittedsheets · 1 month
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The dog I think of as My Dog was picked up from the shelter when I was about 16 and he was six months old. He was a cattle dog mix, which at the time was really uncommon in our area.
We were only getting a dog because my mom was worried about home invaders which was a bit insane as we were out in the country and we’d left our German Shepherd down in Arizona with my dad for complicated reasons.
I turned the corner and saw him. Instant connection. He was curled up dozing, all blue and white freckles with red ears and feeties. His clipboard said “SLY” in huge red letters. I called it softly and he opened his eyes, ears perking. He roused to sleepily amble toward me, lick my fingers, then go lay back down.
My mom joined me in dismay, seeing the love dripping off of me. She hadn’t wanted a puppy but it was clear which dog we were going home with.
Sly was a monstrous puppy. Fans of cattle dogs will be unsurprised to learn he was exceedingly clever, mischievous and Bored a Lot. It turned out his name hadn’t been Sly. It was Billy. But I think we all know why a huge red warning had been applied to his kennel. We named him Sly anyway.
My mom doesn’t remember threatening in earnest to bring him back but it happened. Sly loved to chew. He had no interest in fetch or most toys but he adored chewing. I lost headphones, backpack straps, and pillows to his voracious teething. We tried to dissuade him. He just learned to chew when we weren’t looking. Then one day, clever but not smart, he set his teeth to a plugged in cord and electrocuted himself. He was fine, just really startled!
Thus ended the chewing, forever.
He wouldn’t even pick up toys. He was fully convinced having things in his mouth was only a matter of time before they turned on him. He’d run after a ball at dog parks, grab it in the euphoria of the chase, then immediately spit it out.
He was still a lot of dog and my moms rumblings about his poor behavior led me to join 4H with him. My friend Lia was in with her spaniels so I had an in. We did twice weekly training in obedience and showmanship.
That was it. Sly transformed into the best dog. From a bored unmanageable puppy he became a partner, ready to work on whatever we needed to work on. He learned buckets of commands, eager to please. Sit, down, wait, stand, front, back up, shake, roll, heel. The only thing we could never convince him to do was speak. His bark was reserved for Danger.
We went to compete in the county fair together, entering obedience trials and dog show portions.
The instructions are clearly stated before obedience testing. A dog must stay sitting for two minutes when told to stay, and three minutes for laying down. If our dog broke we were not supposed to speak to reissue commands, simply wait quietly.
It was us in a line with five other dogs. He passed the sitting part just fine. The down one was longer and a wretched golden retriever broke. But then his trainer pulled out a ball and started trying to redirect him with it. The other dogs watched with interest but stayed down. Sly started up. He desperately wanted to herd the golden back into place.
With elbows off the ground he froze, realizing his mistake. His head whipped to me. In silence, I swept my arm down in the nonverbal command for down. He dropped obediently and watched me fixedly for the rest of the time. I think he could feel my disappointment.
We failed.
But the judge came up to us afterward as I was petting him and said, “I was so impressed your dog knows nonverbal commands, and that other dog was so distracting! Let’s retest with the next batch.”
I was thrilled and Sly was steadfast, staring unblinkly at me for the full three minutes with utter determination. He won blue ribbons in obedience and got later best in breed since there was no other cattle dogs.
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therandomartmaker · 10 months
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Reasons Discord's New Mobile Layout Update is Bad
The reply function is redundant, as most people are used to just holding down and tapping the reply option at the top. If they're going to change it, they shouldn't have gotten rid of the member list for this functionally bad option. It also doesnt line up with any other platform in terms of swipe direction.
The member list is gone from easy viewing
It doesnt auto open your last group chat/DM making multiple simultaneous conversations far more difficult and longer
It's already broken my app once (Locked all channels including other servers' to one channel. I could not access anything except that and my DMs.)
You can not see images that have been pinned in the pins tab.
The search function was fine before. Where did your before, during and after date search go??
All of Discord's individuality is disappearing.
Getting used to a mobile format actually impedes usage of the desktop format and likely discourages people from multiplatforming discord because theyre so used to the "intuitiveness" of the new "tailored for mobile" experience
There is no way to CHANGE IT BACK. This is like Tumblr rolling out Tumblr Live without any Disable button At All.
Why are they marketing midnight mode as Something fucking ENTIRELY new??? It has always been a feature on Android as the AMOLED theme???????
DARK MODE IS NO LONGER LOW CONTRAST AND DISCORD IS DEVOLVING INTO AN ACCESSIBILITY NIGHTMARE
Disable swipe-to-reply by activating full-screen Launchpad in Advanced Settings
Discord’s new layout is apparently permanent. Keep sending feedback and rating it one star on all appstores; if you get redirected to the advice article, double tap gove feedback.
If you, too, dislike the theme, head to settings (you can double tap your account picture) and go to Appearance, scroll to New Layout and Send Feedback.
Overall, what they've done is disorientate every single current user on discord, and you cannot avoid it unless you've not updated to the latest discord because this is not an update. It is a feature that has already been on the latest update and is being slowly rolled out, like Tumblr Polls.
Good Luck, and may we send as much feedback as possible and have them make it optional or at the least, revert it. I've already sent in at least seven complaints to discord, commented on their instagram post about the layout and I'm about one star review it on google play and app store.
This isnt just the appearance and vibes being off like the new (ish) app icon, this is a matter of functionality.
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the pro
part ii: what we're willing to accept
Pairing: Art Donaldson x Reader
Rating: Explicit - 18+ only. minors, please get off my lawn.
Notes: My brain chose violence this morning. Not beta-read because when is it ever.
Length: 4.8K
Warnings: Slow burn; unhappily married reader; divorced Art Donaldson; infidelity; oral sex (female receiving); vaginal sex; unsafe sex
Summary: Every lesson becomes an exercise in self-control. You force yourself to try, really try, and not make silly mistakes for the sake of Art coming closer, grasping your arm or elbow, pressing close and redirecting your swing. You don’t know what you crave more these days: his praise or his touch.
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He's the biggest men's tennis star since Andy Roddick.
That’s what your husband says, as if it’ll entice you. As if you know anything about tennis, about the pro that your husband says will be coming to the house to teach you to play.
It’ll be good for you. You need a hobby. 
You don’t gripe or argue. You don’t tell him that five months into your marriage shouldn’t have you looking for a new hobby. You should still be in the honeymoon stage, spending all of your time with him, hanging off of his arm, off of his every word. But he works so much and he’s away so often—
I don’t want you to get bored. 
It’s a sweet gesture. The maid handles the housework; you have a chef that handles most of the grocery shopping and cooking, unless you insist on making something yourself; you have a housekeeper that arranges for anything you need—dry cleaning, maintenance. And it’s no wonder that with all of his money, his power, he can just order a retired pro tennis player up to your house, like you’d order a pizza. There’s a tennis court in the back of the mansion, a few feet from the pool. You’ll get some new outfits, the best sneakers, the nicest rackets. You’ll finally have something to do to fill your days. 
Art Donaldson. 
You know his name before the lean, fair-skinned patrician man turns up at your front door. He trails you through the house, politely declines your offer of a beverage. 
“You ever played tennis before?” He asks. 
You haven’t. Before your husband arranged this for you, you hadn’t so much as given the sport more than a passing thought. You don’t have the heart or confidence to tell that to a man that’s made tennis his whole life, so you just give him a small, guilty smile and say no, you haven’t. He nods, waves you off, insists that it’s fine. 
“We’ll start with the basics.” 
-- 
Two months of lessons on the basics make your arms tired, and your hands sore. But where your swings are clumsy and your grip is weak at first, you can see improvement in the way that you move. Your steps are less clumsy when you go after a ball; you’re more aware of the service line and the base line; your forehand stroke from contact to your left shoulder is smoother; your rotation and follow-through on your backhand is coming along, but has a long way to go. 
Art’s instruction is calm and steady. He explains technique as much as he demonstrates it. When you get something wrong, he doesn’t scold, just lightly corrects. When you do something well, his encouragement is constant and free-flowing. Every accurate move and motion is met with, “Nice,” or, “Perfect,” or, “That’s it.” 
On the days when you don’t have a lesson with Art, you practice. You order a tennis ball machine to work on your forehand and backhand. You attempt (and fail) to learn how to slice on your own. You try anyway—you can only imagine the way his eyes might light up if you manage to surprise him. 
You’ve tried to ignore the rising interest that you have in Art, but you can’t help the little…Crush that’s developed. He’s just so attentive, and kind. When you find yourself smiling these days, it’s often because of something that he said, or did. You can’t remember the last time your husband made you feel giddy this way. It was probably when you started dating—before you’d made the decision to marry for comfort, rather than love. Your husband is practical, rarely physically affectionate, more heavily involved in his job and social circles than with you. 
But you’ll have to find a way to thank him. He’s given you a hobby, and a man that grins at you like you just painted the goddamn Mona Lisa when you serve your first ace. 
-- 
“So, tell me about the Mark Rebellato Academy.” 
Art smiles, dipping his head as he reaches for his coffee. It’s taken a few months, but you finally convince him to have something to drink with you after practice. Your chef is blessedly out shopping for ingredients for dinner, so you have the kitchen all to yourself. Art has watched you putter around, seeming surprised that you know where everything is. You can’t blame him; the kitchen is chef-grade, and you don’t cook much these days. 
“Did your husband tell you that’s where I went?” 
“No.” 
“Then how do you know?” 
You’re too embarrassed to admit that you’ve done some googling, and watched a couple of clips of him interviewing before and after his matches. 
“I’ve just heard,” You fib. “Tell me about it?” 
He leans back in his seat, eyes skating across your face as he seems to consider something. 
“What do you wanna know?” 
“Did you enjoy it? I mean—” It feels like a dumb question once it’s out, and you hurry to redirect, “With what you know now, if you had the choice, would you have learned how to play tennis somewhere else?” 
He considers for a moment, trailing his finger over the side of his cup. Your gaze flits to his fingers, and your own flex around your mug handle. You’ve spent far too much time looking at and thinking about Art’s fingers—their length and quickness; the slight roughness of his calloused hands; the lingering tan line from where his wedding band used to sit. 
“Yeah,” He admits, drawing your full attention back to his face. “I would. It was foundational, you know. I’ve been thinking of sending Lily there.” 
“Lily?” 
A bittersweet smile twists his lips. “My daughter.” 
“Oh!” It catches you off-guard.  
“Tashi, uh—” He clears his throat, “Lily’s mother, my ex-wife. She and I are thinking about schools.” 
“I’m sure they’d be glad to have her. Does she play tennis?” 
“Little bit. She didn’t start until last year, but she's a natural.” He clears his throat again, presses, “Are you and your husband planning on having kids?” 
“Oh god no.” You blurt it out, and realize as he raises his brows that you’ve spoken too quickly. You lean back in your seat, stirring your coffee quickly to distract yourself from your growing embarrassment. “He actually has kids already. Two girls, seven and ten. They’re at boarding school and they stay with their mother when they're on vacation. I haven’t gotten to spend much time with them.” 
“...He seems to be pretty busy.” 
“He is.” 
“So it’s just you in this big house?” He tips his head to the side, brows knitting with curiosity. “What do you do all day?” 
“Play tennis.”
He grins, chuckling, and your stomach flips at the sound. 
“It shows, you know,” He says. 
“What do you mean?” 
“I can tell you’re practicing without me. And,” He leans across the table, running his fingers lightly over the exposed skin of your bicep, “You’re getting stronger.” 
You wonder if he can see or feel the goosebumps that break out across your skin at the gentle sweep, his gaze heavy on yours.
“I have a good teacher,” You murmur. Art’s lips twitch with a soft smile, his hand gently cupping your arm. 
“Just good?” He plies. 
“The best. A real pro.” 
His smile widens, and the flash of his tongue sweeping across his lower lip makes your face go hot. You know that you’re caught when Art’s touch becomes firmer, pulling your arm toward him just a little. 
The sound of approaching footsteps startles you, and you hurriedly tug your arm away. The sight of your husband makes your heart leap into your throat. 
“There you are,” He smiles. “Art, how’s she doin’?” 
“She’s killing it.” 
You don’t dare look at him, but you can feel the weight of his attention lingering on you still. You just give your husband a smile, tipping your cheek up obligingly as he leans down to kiss it. 
“Actually, Art,” Your husband straightens up, hands resting on your shoulders. “I’m glad I caught you. There’s a charity event for a local club this month. It’s for uh…What is it?” He squeezes your shoulders for answers, and you have to keep from rolling your eyes. 
“It’s a charity tennis match to raise funds to fix up the local courts. They need resurfacing and they’re raising funding to keep the fees down.” 
“We could use a sponsorship from the foundation,” Your husband adds. 
“Honey,” You glance back, wary of insulting Art. But—
“I’ll do it,” Art agrees. “Send me the details.” 
“Excellent,” Your husband grins. “Maybe we could coax you into a match or two.” 
You don’t chastise him this time—not when you see something light up in Art.
“Maybe.” 
--  
You haven’t seen Art play before. You’ve specifically avoided it. You’ve known that when you saw it, you would be too intimidated to do a damn thing on the court with him. But now, you can’t stop watching him. You don’t even care that you probably look so out of place—where everyone else is watching the ball, you’re just watching him. 
His movements are so neat, so precise. It’s like watching a dance. He’s running the poor guy on the other side of the net up and down the court. And the sounds that he’s making—god. Every little grunt and groan is weaving increasingly filthy thoughts in your mind. You already know that you’ll seek out the memory of those sounds, as you reach between your legs later. His shirt clings to his chest, showcasing the muscles that you’ve always suspected he has. Strands of hair plaster to his forehead as sweat drips over his cheekbones, down the bridge of his nose, over his jaw. 
When he scores a match point and he looks toward the cheering crowd—when his eyes land on you instantly, without having to search—it’s like you’ve been hit by a bolt of lightning. You can’t think, or move. You barely have the focus to applaud, but you manage to raise your hands and clap. 
-- 
Every lesson becomes an exercise in self-control. You force yourself to try, really try, and not make silly mistakes for the sake of Art coming closer, grasping your arm or elbow, pressing close and redirecting your swing. You don’t know what you crave more these days: his praise or his touch. 
Coffee becomes a post-lesson ritual. He starts to stick closer and closer to you as he follows you into the house until he begins to rest his hand on your lower back, guiding you to your door. He keeps nearby when you’re making it, brushes droplets of sweat off of your forehead or neck. Every touch is electrifying; you have to make a concentrated effort to keep your hands steady, your face neutral as your heart pounds and your stomach floods with butterflies. 
He pushes you harder on the court, and you force yourself to meet the level that he sets for you, even when you don’t feel confident in it. But you want to make him proud. 
It spurs you to lunge a little too far. 
The sharp stabbing pain in your left ankle makes you shriek, and you tumble to the ground, dropping the racket with a clatter. You hear the pounding of his feet, glance up just in time to see him clear the net before he’s on the ground at your side. 
“What hurts?” 
“My ankle,” You grit out, hissing softly as he helps you straighten your leg out. He smooths his hands over your calf, leaning over you and gently guiding your foot in a few different directions. You whimper as he starts to guide your foot to the left. 
“Okay, okay,” He soothes, “Let’s get you inside.” 
For as much as you damn the throbbing in your ankle, you thank it a little, too. You lean heavily against Art, making the slow, arduous journey back to the house with his arm wrapped tightly around your middle. 
When your husband comes home, he finds you with on the couch with Art coming back in from the kitchen, an ice pack in your hand. 
You’d hope for concern, but your husband frowns, glances at the swelling knob of your ankle, and simply asks: “What did you do?” 
“She lost her balance.” Art sits down on the other end of the couch, soothing you as the chill of the ice pack makes you shift with discomfort. 
“Are you going to be able to walk tomorrow?” Your husband presses. “We have dinner at the Fineman’s.”
“I'm still going, don't worry about that."
“...Tomorrow might be a bit soon,” Art warns. 
“I’ll be okay. It’s just a sprain, right?” You tip your brows up, hoping, praying that he’ll agree for your sake. His fingers flex around the ice pack, jaw ticking as he clenches it. He doesn’t say a word as your husband sighs heavily, grumbles, “I hope so. Still, we should put a pause on the lessons until she’s fighting fit again.” 
Art finally tears his eyes from yours, a tight smile on his lips. 
“Of course.” 
-- 
“How’s the ankle?” 
It takes you a moment to scrounge up an answer. You can’t believe that he called. You knew that Art had gotten your number when you started taking lessons with him, but he’s never used it beyond texting to confirm a lesson time now and again. 
You look down at the still-swollen flesh as it strains against the thin strap of your slingbacks. 
“Fine,” You lie, “It’s um—” You glance over your shoulder, listening for your husband. “It’s not that bad.” 
“Good enough to walk on?” 
Hardly. 
“Yes.” You think you’ve gotten away with it, but when you hear Art sigh and chastise, “You should rest,” You know that you haven’t.
“I have,” You insist, “All day.” 
“Are you sure you’re alright?” 
“Yes.” 
“You can tell him no, you know.”
Your mouth works wordlessly, body going hot with indignation. You can’t think of a thing to say. You can’t tell him that he’s wrong, that your husband’s connections are the lifeblood of his business. You can’t tell him that if your husband’s business falls apart, you won't be able to afford those tennis lessons, and then how the hell are you supposed to see Art again? 
You just yank your phone away from your ear and hang up. 
-- 
I invited Art. 
It shouldn’t be a surprise, but your husband’s statement makes you feel like you’ve swallowed your tongue. You haven’t seen or spoken to Art in nearly two weeks. Your doctor recommended putting off any physical activity, which your husband surely relayed to him. He was the one whose name was on Art’s checks, after all. 
Your husband has always thrown a massive party to kick off the summer. Every year, 150 of your husband’s closest family, friends, and business associates flooded into the house. It shouldn’t be such a surprise that your husband invited Art after the performance he had given at the fundraiser—$25,000 from the foundation, and ticket sales went through the roof when it had been announced that the Art Donaldson would be making an appearance. Your husband owed Art a lot, and probably saw this as an opportunity for him to network, to take on more clients. He had been evangelizing Art’s training to any of your friends that would listen—how good you are on the court, how engaged and energetic you seem to be these days. 
It’s one thing to know that you’ll have to put on a happy face for the crowd, but to know that Art will be among them makes your insides twist with nerves. You can’t stop thinking about the way that he had spoken to you when you were hurt; his calm, steadying demeanor as he’d gotten you inside; the careful coaxing and gentle touch that he’d used as he’d taken your shoe off and examined your ankle more closely. 
You think about it now, as you strap on another pair of heels. Your ankle really is doing well, though you have a little lingering pain in shoes like these. You’ll likely be on your feet for the length of the party; it’s going to be a long night. You look over yourself in the mirror, self consciously tipping your ankle from side to side for anything that he may spot or catch out. But there’s nothing, you reassure yourself. You slide your hands over the skirt, plastering on a smile as your husband pokes his head into your dressing room. 
“Almost ready in here?” He asks. 
“All set!” 
-- 
He doesn’t come over to you. On the crowded patio, you can feel him watching you—you’ve gotten so used to seeking out the sensation that you can’t ignore it now. The first true look at him is agony. He watches you from just a few feet away, a glass of champagne in hand as he speaks with your husband and the Finemans. He openly looks you over, eyes drifting over your body to the flash of ankle revealed by the slit in your dress. He tips his head to the side just a little, squinting before his eyes flit back up to your face, lips twitching with a small smile. 
You want to hate how good it feels; you want to be angry with him for his smug knowing, his insistence of You can tell him no, you know. But it feels so goddamn good to have his attention again that you can’t bring yourself to be annoyed. You know that you’re staring—that you both are—and you force yourself to turn away and excuse yourself from the conversation you’re in. You go inside, murmuring your thanks for the waitstaff that pass you along the way.
The house isn’t nearly as busy as the patio, and you're able to slip into your darkened study unnoticed. You leave the lights off, certain that if you turn them on, people will be drawn in to bug you, like moths to a flame. The party’s lights and music filter in through the partially-closed blinds. 
You lean against the desk, circling your ankle and wincing a little. You’ll hide for a few minutes, let it rest—
Your breath catches in your throat as the door opens. You expect your husband, ready to scold and usher you back to the guests. 
You only have a second to get a look at Art before he shuts the door behind himself, plunging the room back into darkness. Your fingers tighten around the edge of the desk as you use it to ground yourself. 
“...Do you need something?” You ask, voice wobbling with nerves. 
“Wanted to come say hi.” 
“Well. Hi.” 
You hear him chuckle, his footsteps muted by the carpet. 
“Thanks for the invite.” 
“It wasn’t my idea.” It’s not polite to admit, but you want it to sting him, just a little. Maybe it does; in the dim of the room, you can’t see Art’s expression as he comes to a stop just a couple of feet from you. 
“Do you want me to go?” He asks. You know what you should say, but you can’t bring yourself to say it. 
“No,” You whisper. You feel the heat of him as he comes closer, his hands resting on the desk and caging you in. You bite your lip as gently brushes his nose against yours. 
“He isn’t taking care of you.” 
“My ankle is fine.” 
“I’m not talking about your ankle.” He lifts a hand, smoothing it over your hip as your breath mingles. Art’s fingers drift from your hip to stroke over the apex of your dress’s slit. His fingers slip further down, and you nod as he palms your thigh. Before you can say or do a thing, Art sinks to his knees. He curls his hand around your left calf, lifting it. You shiver as his lips press a gentle kiss to your ankle. His hand and lips travel up, easing the fabric of your dress higher with each second. The first brush of his knuckles against your panty-covered clit makes you jolt. Your hands dig into the wood of the desk as his fingers hook between the fabric and your skin. You lift your hips without a word, allowing him to draw them down. 
Art presses a kiss to your mound before he lowers his head, giving your lips a sweet, sucking kiss. You gasp softly as his tongue swipes across your clit. You look down despite the fact that you can’t see him well. You can just make out his blissful expression, his eyes closed as his laps broadly across your aching cunt. You lower your hand to his neat hair, winding your fingers through it, unable to help grasping it. His heady moan vibrates against you and you nearly cry out at the sensation. You manage to just catch it, the sound dying in your throat as Art buries his tongue inside you. He sweeps his thumb over your clit in rush, harried circles, panting against your heated flesh. You rock your hips down against his lips, tightening your grip on his hair as you guide him. He lets you do as you please, whining against your skin as your movements become less controlled.
“Art,” You warn, “I—Oh, oh god—” 
He hums in encouragement, sucking your clit back between his lips and lashing it with his tongue. Your jaw drops open, your hand shoving Art even more tightly against your skin as you cum suddenly. A stunned, breathy moan slips from your lips as Art leans back, smearing his lips against the inside of your thigh. 
You use your grasp on Art’s hair to draw him back up off of his knees, giving him a crushing kiss as he catches his balance. You swipe your tongue across his lips, whining against his lips as you taste yourself on him. He presses close, his hard cock straining against the fabric of his pants. You reach down, palming and squeezing his length as you trade slick, messy kisses. He steers you back onto the desk as you fumble to undo his belt, button, and zip. 
“Condom?” He asks. 
“Pill,” You reassure, shoving his pants down. You lap broadly across your palm, grasping Art’s length and guiding him closer. He brushes the tip of his cock against your still-throbbing clit, smiling as you whine. You’re going to ache tomorrow, but you’ve never been so happy to be sore.
“Art.” 
“Sssh.” 
“Please—” It’s hardly out of your mouth before he shoves his hips forward, seating himself fully with a single thrust. You bite down on your lip to quiet your moan, curling your arms around your shoulders. He rocks into you with firm, quick strokes, his mouth covering yours. You can hear things on the desk rattling with each thrust, kisses growing less controlled as he hoists your thigh up around his hip. 
“Oh, god,” You breathe, “We have to be quick—He’ll come looking—” 
“Not until you cum for me again,” He urges. “I need to feel it, sweetheart.” 
“Art—” 
“When’s the last time he did this? Hmm?” He presses, “When’s the last time he made you cum? When’s the last time he tasted you?” 
“Never,” You admit with a shiver. It seems to renew Art’s passion, his thrusts and hold growing more intense. You squeeze your eyes shut, hands hooking tightly in the fabric of his jacket. He yanks the front of your dress down, bowing over you and drawing one of your nipples between his lips. You whimper as he toys with the bud, tugging it gently with his teeth before swiping across it. You arch into the slick heat, using your leg to tug him even closer as you chased the swelling curl of your orgasm. 
“Just like that,” You urge, “Ffffuck—yes, yesyesyesyes—”
Your eyes squeeze shut as your hips buck down against his, pussy pulsing as he spills into you. Your heart pounds in your chest as the two of you slow and still. Art rests his forehead heavily against your neck, peppering gentle kisses across the exposed skin. You have to move—now. You don’t know if anyone heard you, but if someone did, you’re screwed. If no one did, your husband will probably be looking for you anyway, ready with a scold for neglecting your hostess duties. 
“...I have to go,” You warn softly. It takes Art a moment to move, but he does, gently drawing himself back from your still-throbbing cunt. You hear the clanking of his belt buckle as he tucks himself away, and you reach down, righting your dress where it’s been pulled away. You take up your panties from where they’d been discarded on the floor, tugging them on before you straighten your skirt and hurry out of the room. 
--  
“Can I see you?” 
It’s only been an hour since the last guest has left, and you are so, so fucking tired. You glance toward the bathroom door. You know that you locked it, and you’re certain that your husband can’t hear you over the shower running, but you can’t help but be paranoid.
“You just saw me,” You remind him. 
“Tomorrow,” Art clarifies. 
“Where?” 
“I’ll send an address.” 
You bite your lip, toying with your earring. Your pussy is still aching from the stretch of him, your ass sore from getting fucked on the desk. 
“...You regret it?” He asks. 
“No,” You don't give your answer a second thought.
“I’ll send an address. Whether or not you see me is up to you. Just…think about it. Okay?” 
“Okay.” 
You lower your phone, hanging it up and watching his contact information blink away. It’s only a moment before a text with an address lights up your phone. You don’t have to think about it. You already know what you’re going to do. 
--  
You know that you’re staring, but you can’t bring yourself to stop. Art has spent so much time in your home, so you feel entitled to look around a little bit. You eye the row of trophies on his mantle, photos of him playing when he was young. You come to a stop at a picture of him with a young girl, a racket in her hand and a medal around her neck. 
“Is this Lily?” You ask. 
“Yeah,” He nods. “First competition.” 
“Already getting gold,” You smile. “The Mark Rebellato Academy isn’t ready for her.” 
Art chuckles, nodding as he steps around you.
“You, uh…You want something to eat, or drink, or…?” He trails off, tucking his hands into his pockets as he takes a couple of steps back toward his kitchen. You turn to face him, taking him in more fully. 
“Art?” 
“Yeah?” 
“Why am I here?” 
He doesn’t answer for a few moments. You can see him weighing his options before he comes closer. 
“I…I’ve been thinking about last night.” 
Fear shoots through you, but you force yourself to stand tall. “Okay.”
“I could lie and tell you that it should be a one-time thing, but I can’t remember the last time I got through a day without thinking about you. And I think you’ve been thinking about me, too.” Art stops as the tip of his shoes brush against yours, and you let your eyes slip closed as he rests his forehead against yours. 
“Tell me I’m wrong,” He pleads. “Tell me to fuck off right now and I will never say another non-tennis related thing to you again.” 
-- 
When he fucks you, he curls close, chest pressing against yours as he catches your lips in a kiss. You sink back against his pillows, your head cradled by his broad palm as he rolls his hips achingly slowly. You don’t bother to hide your whines and moans, and you revel in his. Every grunt and whimper and groan that Art lets out lights you up. 
And when you cum, you don't have to quiet yourself. His name tumbles out of your mouth, cushioned between expletives as your nails dig into his shoulders.
--
"What time is he home tonight?"
You don't want to think about it. You want to stay in this cozy little bubble, trailing your fingers over his muscled chest as he massages your nape and kisses your forehead.
But you know that you'll have to let the world back in sometime.
"I don't know," You admit. "Late."
"...Could stay."
"He'll be suspicious if I'm not home when he gets there."
Art sighs softly, running his hand down to rub between your shoulder blades.
"This isn't going to be easy, is it."
"What?"
"Letting you go every day."
"Every day?" You tease, pushing yourself up to get a better look at him. "Don't get greedy, Mr. Donaldson."
He smiles, raising his hand and cupping your cheek. "Is it greedy to know what I want?"
You shake your head a little, lowering your lips to brush against his.
"Not when I want it, too."
part ii: what we're willing to accept
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