#because that's a whole OTHER level of personal derangement

[musical-chick-13]

HELLO GOOD EVENING, today I am losing my mind over The Wedding Episode, specifically over "You are forgiven, always and completely forgiven," like not only do I forgive you for whatever you've done, I will forgive you for ANYTHING YOU WILL EVER DO, EVEN IF I'M NOT THERE FOR IT.

[lesbiansanemi]

I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao

[the-library-alcove]

One of the more disturbing symptoms of what I and other Jews refer to (with a dark and bitter humor) as "Israel Derangement Syndrome" is how quickly such individuals not only become hypocrites, but self-harming hypocrites.

There are no shortage of examples of hypocrites since October 7: feminists who deny the mass rapes on Oct 7. Landback advocates who deny Jewish history. Anti-torture advocates who support Hamas. Human rights advocates who support Hamas and the Houthis. And so forth.

But the self-harming hypocrites are a whole level beyond those examples, because their anti-Israel stance has the possibility of doing themselves real harm.

Let me give an example:

Leeja Miller. YouTuber, lawyer, and civil rights advocate. She has an entire series on "How [subsection of the US Right] Has Ruined Everything", and did several videos on the danger of a second term for Donald Trump, including one dedicated to Project 2025. That is the openly published plan to remake the US into a dictatorship under the next Republican president, giving details on how they will target minorities to have their rights stripped away, our legal protections against abuse by the rich and powerful weakened or removed, and generally make the US into a real life version of the Handmaid's Tale. So she knows what is at stake, directly and personally from her research. She knows how many people will be harmed or die under a Republican presidency, and how much it will harm the world at large if Trump gets back into the White House. It's not just the US population that will be harmed, it will be places like Ukraine, Taiwan... and Palestine. Because Trump and Netanyahu are fellow wannabe dictators.

And her Israel Derangement Syndrome is so severe that she just uploaded a video saying that, due to Biden supporting Israel alone, she can no longer advocate that her viewers vote for him.

Leeja knows what is at stake both in the US and in the Levant, and knows how Trump will give Netanyahu a full green light to do whatever Netanyahu wants. And yet, she is so fixated on "punishing Biden" for doing diplomacy and trying to rein in Netanyahu that she is willing to accept the risk of Trump regaining power.

And that's not only hypocrisy, that's hypocrisy that can have massive consequences for her and other people like her. And just to be clear here. She's not alone in this. She's just the best example due to her position as a lawyer and educator on the law and politics, and still is so fixated on this that she, and others like her, will advocate for positions that have the potential to harm hundreds of millions of people, because of the conflict in Gaza.

[loupy-mongoose]

So, I made some impulse purchases recently, including this lovely little gal.

Hai Luna~

When I ordered her, it started a bit of a Gardevoir kick in me. So I went and did some brainstorming about Jamie's Gardie pal, Clover.

This did get very long, but there's a lot of art that I really like! :3 Plus I borrowed a certain someone from @mewtwoandme~

Growing up I always drew the green headpiece as a bony structure with maybe green skin on it, like deer antlers. (Except it doesn't shed lol)

But in my efforts to redecide what it actually is to me, I went to Bulbapedia, and that called it hair. So I tried out hair as well, and I kinda like that better...

I love my deranged Gardie. :>

(Leaning into "Mischievous Fairy/Pixie" energy)

I wanted to draw some Gwen (M&M's Gardevoir), as her and Clover's characters are different in a lot of ways, and I thought it would be fun to draw them together. Turns out Gwen dwarfs my girls, and I adore that in every way. XD

I also came to realize that Jamie would admire Gwen--She doesn't wish change on Clover in the slightest, but she does like the grace that more conventional Gardevoirs possess. Plus she'd be astounded by her sheer size.

For the fun of it, I tried drawing them both in each of our styles. (Or more like "Features" than "style")

I did not like drawing Gardevoir in her style. All the respect and love to M&M, but it felt SO wrong to me personally. XD

Annnnd... I kinda accidentally thought of a different way to take their designs...

And then I tried to figure out the logistics of giving Gardvoir a tail. I kinda like the idea of there being one that blends into the Skirt, splitting and running down the length of the skirt ends.

A little character lore; Clover removed her skirt on purpose.

Growing up, I always had in mind that the skirt was skin, maybe acting as thermoregulation, or something like that. I don't think I ever decided whether they can feel through their skirts or not, but if I want it to be more angsty, then yes, they can feel.

Warning for general and self-inflicted injury in this paragraph. As a kid I figured Clover cut it off to prevent it from getting caught or grabbed. But now, with the developing idea of there being a tail involved, I got another idea with even more angst. I'm thinking possibly Clover had a tail bone broken, and maybe it healed wrong, causing her pain so she ripped off the whole skirt.

Okay, injury warning is over.

And now a little silly that's not exactly canon, but close enough. XD

Y'all can thank @puzzled-zebra for this, as she brought up the idea during a chat. It was too good to pass up. XD

And now I wish to finish with a nostalgia ramble, because Clover is very precious to me, along with Jamie.

I started a playthrough of Soul Silver many, many years ago--even before the playthrough that would become Jamie's trainer journey over ten years ago. It was a solo run, with a Ralts egg sent in to be my only companion. (I kept the rules soft, though, as I remember needing help from other Pokemon to beat Bugsy. XD) My memories of that playthough are faded, but I remember that Clover alone beat the Champion at level 64-65. Sometime within the next few years, she was my first ever Pokemon to reach level 100 without the use of Rare Candy or experience cheats. That playthough and whatever happened in it has no bearing on Clover's story, but it's what gave birth to her as a character, and I hold that very dear.

Her nature is "Hardy, Likes to Fight", and I'm really proud of little me for taking that in the direction she took it. XD

Anyway, that's my super long love-dump of my beloved gremlin fairy. Thanks to everyone who made it all the way, I know it got pretty long. ^^

[txttletale]

If we're asking about games on your list of favourites, as someone who adored Paradise Killer, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it! I always enjoy your analysis.

so first of all the aesthetics of paradise killer are really good. usually games that were written in english but read like translations from japanese irritated me, but here i think it is very much leaned into and embraced as an aesthetic and set of cultural signifiers in its own right, which i really enjoy. the character designs are outlandish and charming. but what i really like about it is like, the way the core premise works

in most detective games, there is a correct answer, and not getting it is a failure state. you can't end a case in ace attorney with your innocent client being convicted, you can't get the wrong guy in the frogware sherlock holmes games. and this invariably, even if the game is critical in other aspects, tends to come around to a fundamental faith in the legal system and authority, right--something that's kind of baked into the detective genre at a fundamental level.

paradise killer upends that by simply saying "you are the detective. get the facts you need, make a compelling argument, and if the authorities above you believe you then you get to distribute justice as you see fit." you arrive on the island you're investigating and you're immediately told "hey, this member of a disenfranchised underclass did it, we've already arrested him, here's the evidence." and absolutely nothing stops you from taking that evidence and walking into the trial room and presenting it and saying "yep, he did it!" and beating the game! it's not a 'bad ending', you don't get a big popup saying 'you're wrong', the powers that be just accept the convenient narrative you've been given to present and everything moves on.

i like this from both, like, an ideological perspective, and also from an interpersonal stakes perspective. in most detective games, you can't miss a crucial piece of evidence, either because the game will not proceed until you pick it up or because you'll be forced to restart the 'trial' or 'deduction' segment when you game over because you're missing it. in paradise killer, whatever argument you put forward, if enough evidence supports it--even if you know for a fact it's wrong!--leads to the person you're accusing being executed. so the stakes are much higher, right, because instead of a game over screen and trying again, getting it wrong means that's just... how the game ends, with an innocent person being executed.

and more importantly i think it does a fantastic job--better imo even than something like disco elysium--at deconstructing the fantasy of justice. a constant theme of the game and something that the protagonist repeats often is "there is a difference between facts and the truth". you can withhold evidence at trial because it implicates your friends, or misrepresent it to implicate that bitch you hate. nothing in the system exists to stop you getting wrong, in fact your superiors encourage you to make the easy completely stritched up conviction and move on with your life.

and at the end, even if you get it right, if you catch all the criminals--all the time you spend investigating this island shows that, like, the society you're part of is fucking evil! you're all deranged immortals making constant human sacrifices to your evil gods! and you don't change that by solving the case, the whole thing just packs up and moves on. you don't get any comfortable resolution to that or to your role in it. you can play lady love dies as a diehard true believer or as a dissident rebel but either way she's ultimately just another cog in a machine, dispensing an alien and uncaring justice that is only attached to any real morality or truth by your decision to do so. a genuinely incredible game.

plus i like how whenever you open it a voice says 'paradise killer' so you know you're playing paradise killer

[jaynovz]

I'm watching 1.7 and the break in Flint's voice when Gates is questioning him in the stable and he's like "I'm trying to answer the question" is devastating. The facial acting that Toby is doing here is like, he does great body language here and the trembling voice and nervous swallowing and darting eyes, you can see him trying to stave off some kind of extreme anxiety attack. Because. Like. God the flashbacks he must be having to London and Hennessey and Alfred Hamilton. Anyway, what he is saying just gets more and more desperate throughout the exchange, but legit he is trying to level with Gates the only way that he can in this moment. There is no version of Flint right now who could tell the whole truth, bc of his background, bc of the trauma, bc of what happened last time he trusted someone like that. So when we see what appears to be a mental BREAK, and he tells Gates his vision of sequestering a portion of the Urca gold for the future of Nassau and their men, that's him trying to explain his motivation the best way he can.

And the worst part is, he just sounds crazy and meglomaniacal and Machiavellian and DERANGED. It's exactly the wrong thing to say to Gates at that moment, they have already broken apart, it's too little too late, it's ten years too late!! Gates is hearing a lying maniac being conniving and cold and awful about Billy. But tbh, when I hear Flint say "He fell. Why? What do you think happened?" I just hear someone that WE KNOW doesn't know in his heart of hearts WHAT HE DID, WHAT HAPPENED, and he just... it would be easier if someone just told him.

I know we joke about Flint being full of SHIT, and he is in MUCH of the show, he does SO MUCH LYING. But this entire exchange doesn't feel like that. It feels like he's cracking and reaching and grasping and trying. And he has no earthly idea what path he would even take to get Gates back on side.

Gates says, "This is what we do. You orate and you dissemble and I look the other way..."

And the saddest fucking part, the most tragic of the tragedy is that HE'S NOT WRONG. That is what they do!! and it's. It's over! It's too much!

But poor fucking Captain, he just... He doesn't know how else to be.

And with regard to SilverFlint, and their arc... I've been thinking this go round about why it's different from Flint's relationship with Miranda or with Gates or with anyone...

And, well... It really is just a case of finding deep understanding from a person you never expected, isn't it?

At first it is extremely begrudging, because he doesn't have another choice, unwilling allies due to strife. But eventually it does becomes voluntary.

At its core, I think the reason that relationship is different, is because that becomes clear to Flint over time, and then he is able to offer up all the sides of himself to be further collated and understood.

And then faster than the speed of fucking light we get to 3.10 and 4.9: "You asked me where I began, and I felt that you were entitled to an answer. To the truth." and "I cannot do it without you." Silver says, "We might be friends by then" and by fuckin god they ARE. "As my partner as my friend" and "You know of me all I can bear to be known. All that is relevant to be known. That is to say, you know my genuine friendship and loyalty." So, what I've been circling is... sitting down in the woods and just telling Silver everything that happened in London is exactly what he can't do with Gates in 1.7 :////

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

✨VeroVel things✨

they've known each other for years before they get together; Velvette designed Verosika's costumes, Verosica walked Velvette's runways, they went to parties together and Succibis helped the Vees many times with getting some goodies from the Earth. And one day, while doing some extremely mundane task Velvette's aromantic ass just had a realization Oh. Oh, I think I want that woman.

Verosika didn't show it because she has a Bad Bitch reputation but she was hesitant when she noticed Vel's interest in her. There's huge power imbalance between helleborns and sinners due to the fact that only one of these groups can be permakilled with a single shot. But after a few dates, she decided to trust her guts because Velvette not only spoiled her with gifts and introduced her to the Overlord's life (which is an upgrade even for the hellborn celebrity) but mostly because this whole time treated her like equal.

Velvette is fiercely protective of Verosika. She wouldn't lock her in the Tower for her safety because Vero would hate it but she's ready to bite off the head of any person that looks at her pratner the wrong way.

What they have is not exactly a romance or strictly sexual arrangement. It's a partnership. They are no exclusive by any means, mostly because of Verosika's work.

Valentino is Verosika's favorite brother-in-law. She used to be a little afraid of him for obvious reasons but after she had become an informal fourth member of the Vees they grew to be besties. They can spend hours discussing different techniques of eating pussy, during the double dates. Vox and Velvette are both not sure if this makes them feel horny or suicidal.

The relationship between Vox and Verosika is more complicated. She doesn't fully trust him and sometimes he creeps her out. He can't fully go past the fact that she's a hellborn and business-wise she's tied to Asmodeus so she will never be fully on the Vees' side. But they still see each other as valuable allies - Vero can deliver content, Vox can make her even more rich and famous. They can also have fun together if Vox is drunk enough and chills a bit.

Verosika loves bringing Velvette gifts from Earth and different rings of Hell. When she's on the tour, they have long video calls when she just shows Velvette places in Hell she would like but can't visit.

Their every date means tonnes of sinstagram vlogs. They genuinely love doing this, showing their great life down their followers' throats, generating humongous engagements off being just happy together.

Velvette absolutely loves Verosika's tits. That's it.

Verosika is absolutely unhinged in bed to the level that prompted Velvette to take some lessons from Valentino about all kinds of deranged kinks. Just in case.

Though Verosika finds the Overlord Velvette extremely alluring, she likes the most her casual and domestic version, when they debrief together after an intense day.

[not-goldy]

Thank you for your answer, I get it on some level. I’ve listened to their music for a while now but am new to this whole shipping thing, and it’s a wild ride for sure. Out of interest, which songs do people think are about JM? Apart from their actual song Friends? Why does part of me think that if this is the case maybe Tae needs new inspiration for his work or something. Someone of his own to love. He didn’t write he album though did he? It’s a crazy world out there I guess I didn’t release that a member would fuel the shipping wars, so wow if he does that.

It depends on how delusional one is. Could be a few or all of them if you're deranged 🤷🏾

I like to think of myself as moderately delusional so I stick to the basics.

You can check out his song about writing a letter to the moon which was inspired by a time he was alone in the park with Jimin late into the night

From 4'Oclock.

Other than the setting and moon references, he actually ever did write a letter to Jimin which he cried while reading it to him. He poured out his heart in that letter. Here, read it and cry

And theres one song he complained he wrote with the intention of singing it withJimin but a producer thought putting Jimin on it would be gay due to the lyrics.

Don't want to talk about the others cos it may sound controversial but do have a listen for yourself. And be mindful of the Jimin "symbolisms" or at least I like to call them that.

Whenever he talks about the moon in his songs we make the connection to Jimin- its obvious now due to JMs moon tattoos but there was a time people thought that was reaching.

The moonchild is Jimin. And it's not far fetched cos V is the same person who shared fan art of Jimin with the moon tats that he's currently spotting and all. Meaning he understands the connection between JM and the moon.

This has nothing to do with his songs but he used to complain a lot about a certain member gatekeeping Jimin to himself and not allowing him and Jimin to hang out. So for me when this theme recurrs in his music I feel he's alluding to Jimin cos why not dudes a menace🤣

Let's give Tae some credit. Don't blindly buy into the hateful rhetorics people spew about him.

He exposed the company for dragging their feet before allowing JM to debut. Exposed them for their homophobia towards Jimin. If anyone moves funny with Jimin trust him to expose them one way or the other. I'll actually bet my life on this.

Perhaps you should look into their friendship. V can be chaotic but he's loved Jimin so hard too and when he says he loves Jimin the most I don't think he's lying .

Jimin has a special place in his heart. Perhaps because he says Jimin was the one who showed up and out for him when his granny passed. I think he's going to be eternally grateful to JM for that.

Don't hate on Tae or Judge him based on his quirks. He's not one to fake his feelings so sometimes when he's annoyed with Jimin you can pick up on that energy. It doesn't mean he's evil. He just have bad days too.

Unfortunately the Fandom isn't as forgiving and would tear him apart for the least funny feelings towards Jimin.

They are friends.they are allowed to fight and make up. We shouldn't hold that over their heads when they "fight" argue or have a misunderstanding. Leave them room and space within their friendship to be ghetto with eachother. What matters is the bond they share the growth they experience as friends and how pure they try to be with eachother.

They are a work in progress

[mlem2460]

EAHF:

switched at birth au & y it ADDS to the story instead of taking away fr it

1) i get y people dont like the 'apple & raven being switched at birth' reveal undermining their whole stances on the storybook & their destinies cause that WOULD BE redundant & a terrible execution HOWEVER

2) think of the ✨possibilities✨

3) of the absolute ABUNDANCE OF ARCS available to all after the reveal

raven's frustration at everyone FINALLY believing she can be good, but only because they are ONCE AGAIN reducing her to her BIOLOGY rather than her actual character n struggling the keep her stance for choice over destiny & running the risk of rejecting the acceptance that she's been chasing being within her reach for all the wrong reasons, (extra spice for having to face resentment from some rebels for her new storybook happy ever after & no longer being encouraged to have outbursts but expected to have the emotional intelligence of a white after being partially raised by the most deranged queen in history)

apple being left by so many royals (not all tho, be fr) for being 'evil' & not knowing if she should be upset cause yes: they're supposed to friends, but no: they are following their destinies as they should, but yes: if she's supposed to be evil now resentment is good-but in an evil way? cue a jekle&hyde level of seconded guessing & doubt because she was raised to be good & she has strived to be kind everyday of her life but now she has to be evil to follow her destiny & oh this feels horrible, should she apologize to raven for the pressure she placed on her?, but no she's evil now and she shouldn't apologize for anything ever, but she feels horrible, but if she's evil is she supposed to feel horrible?, or should it feel good to do bad?, what does she do??

royals having to decide if they're more committed to being good friends or following their destinies

rebels having to decide if they want their leader to sign for a happy ending most of them dont get, resent her for that same ending, or pressure her into staying a rebel the same way the were pressured to follow their destinies

dexter panicking cause yeah! raven is amazing & everyone should see it, but oh gosh pls dont let daring be her prince that would be too much, but he wasnt supposed to be prince charming either?!?

briar struggling to support her friend (cause obv she not abandoning apple) but not knowing how to help apple in her struggle to try to stick to being a royal as the new evil queen when she herself is a rebel

maddie being 10 toes down for her bestie since day one & accidentally wreaking havoc on royals who cant actually be mad cause that's the mad hatters daughter & trying to make her conform would encourage rebel ideals of going against ones destiny but HOW IS THE TEA ROOM UPSIDE DOWN & THE GOWNS OH FOR THE LOVE O-

royals, sidekicks, henchmen, villagers, etc all across the kingdom now having concerns about children whos traits dont line up with their parents or whatever else

i personally hope grimm has an aneurism

it's easy to say the evil queen switched them for sh*ts n giggles & thats fun for its own reasons BUT what about the infinite possibilities of other culprits??? snow white sees her daughter has dark magic? switched. whoever ravins dad is tryna get back at the evil queen? switched. random bumbling henchman/sidekick doing a lil whoopsie? switched. concerned citizen tries to keep innocent child fr the evil queen & the delirious post-labour evil queen tries to take back her child? switched. jealous ex-lover or bitter sidelined sibling/relative? switched. magic? switched. hotel? trivago switched.

A N D every characters stance, feelings, etc are changed depending on how & y the switch even happened in the first place

In Conclusion:

don't let this au flop because of poor execution

[sylvan-librarian]

Nissa's Pilgrimage Part I: Worldwaker

Preface: 

Hi there! My name is Steven; I recently wrapped up a master’s degree in library science and am doing my best to segue careers. Since my terminally long job hunt has left me with more down time than I ever wanted to have, I decided to put my English degree to good(?🤷) use by writing a bunch of personal essays on Magic the Gathering, as it is a topic I have been obsessed with for around a decade now. I didn’t intend to share these ramblings at first, and I began this whole project for my own edification, to keep my brain active, and to prevent myself going insane from boredom. However, I thought it couldn’t hurt to throw these online and see what comes of it.

This particular piece is part 1 of ???. I have a lot of notes in my drafts and even more thoughts in my head, so it may just go on indefinitely until someone (finally) gives me a dang job.

TLDR: I’m a deranged MTG Vorthos and former English major with a lot of thoughts and even more time on my hands, so I began a handful of English major-y essays on my pet topics. I’m posting them here for now.

Introduction:

Almost every Magic player who began learning the game after the planeswalker card type was introduced in the Lorwyn expansion in October, 2007 can tell you a story about the first planeswalker card they fell in love with. It might have been because the mechanics on the card melded perfectly with their preferred strategy of play, it might have been because they kept up with the story and were invested in the represented character’s journey, or it might have simply been because they thought the art looked cool.

For whatever reason under Mirrodin’s five suns a Magic player first became attached to a planeswalker and their cards, the character often become symbolic for our love of the game itself. These symbols grow beyond simple loyalty abilities on a piece of cardboard and become inexorably intertwined with our own personal Magic experience.

For me, this planeswalker was Nissa Revane.

You see, in March of 2014, I started working at The Game Closet in Waco, Texas. I had just finished getting a master’s degree in English, so of course, my first job out in the real world was to become a clerk at my local game store (really putting my humanities education to work). Having grown up in a small Louisiana town, I never had a chance to play Magic. I entered the tabletop gaming world through my obsession with Dungeons & Dragons, Shadowrun, and sundry other RPG’s. 

Nevertheless, as Magic players made up the majority of the store’s customer base, I took it upon myself to learn the game. The Theros block was wrapping up at the time with its third set, Journey into Nyx, and a bunch of friendly players were more than happy to unload all of their bulk commons and uncommons to me (Journey into Nyx was famously underpowered, after all), so I tried to make a standard deck out of all this draft chaff and run it at Friday Night Magic. 

It didn’t go too well.

However, I was happy with the overall direction of the deck, and I immediately discovered that I loved green decks, specifically green ramp strategies.

I was enthralled with the idea of accelerating mana so that you can play flashy, intimidating creatures and cool, game warping spells far earlier than you have any right to, so I continued to tweak the deck until I made a functioning version of the Theros Standard Mono Green Devotion deck. Even though I wasn’t good enough at the game in my early days to consistently win (even at the local level), I had a lot of fun with it! It was fast and explosive, but for some reason, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was missing something.

However, not a few months later, the Magic 2015 Core Set gets released, and the chase mythic rare in the set’s early days was exactly the kind of card I was looking for: Nissa, Worldwaker. I had no idea who this Nissa character was supposed to be — though I did think the art looked pretty cool — but I was in awe of the card’s abilities! It was precisely the kind of fuel I felt my standard deck needed at the time, and it turns out I was right! My Magic the Gathering “competitive” “career” begins and ends with a handful of first place rankings at my local game store’s standard FNM events, but as small a victory as those are, nearly all of these top rankings were due to Nissa, Worldwaker. 

Needless to say, I became devoted to the character overnight.

Exploration:

But who is Nissa, really? Let’s start with the basics. Nissa is an elf planeswalker from the plane of Zendikar, a largely untamed wilderness where the land itself has a will of its own, causing unforeseeable (un)natural disasters called “the roil” by Zendikari locals. According to the recently-released Magic The Gathering: The Visual Guide by Jay Annelli, Nissa is in her 60s and she is 5 feet, 2 inches tall, making her the smallest of the original four members of the Gatewatch (five if you count Liliana). Nissa has a mystical connection to the land and can sense a plane’s leylines, giving her a measure of control over the ground she walks on; this allows her to animate the very land itself to fight her enemies, a narrative element that has been expressed mechanically time and time again on Nissa’s cards throughout the years. 

Ostracized from the elven clan she was born in, the Joraga, for the crime of having this connection to the land (a rare brand of sorcery called “animism” in the lore of Magic), Nissa spent large stretches of years alone with only the spirits of the natural world as companions. This has made her socially awkward to a fault, and the issues she has in communicating with her friends (and later, lovers) has been a fairly consistent plot point throughout all of the (canon) story arcs she has played a part in. 

In a fictional universe that contains ageless elder dragons, a man-eating toad, a sentient robot who literally created a planet from scratch, and a wizard who once phased an entire continent out of the time stream, Nissa Revane’s eternal struggle to express simple feelings to people she shares a bond with always seemed to me the most human element in the Magic canon. Additionally (big surprise), that’s something I have in common with her. While other Vorthoses have made the argument that Nissa is on the autism spectrum, that is something I have neither the personal experience with nor the education of to speak about. That is certainly a valid lens to view this character through, however, so if that interests you, I’d encourage you to search up these pieces on your own.

What I can speak on with a certain level of expertise, however, is the personal struggle of being a shy, withdrawn introvert in an extroverted world. As a lifelong wallflower with a vivid imagination and a rich inner world, I can deeply relate to a character who doesn’t know how to put her intense feelings to words. For example, in the final story of the Kaladesh arc, Renewal, Nissa tries to express to her companion Chandra just how deeply she wants to be “friends” with her:

Nissa swallowed past the desert in her throat. "I don't speak often. I lived alone for...decades. Zendikar was my companion. We understood each other at a level deeper than words. I...I don't know how to talk to you. I'm trying to learn." Chandra looked up, eyes wide and startled. "You don't know how to talk to me?" "I will make mistakes," Nissa said. "Pick the wrong words. Misunderstand yours. I'll act strange and won't know that I am. But if you can be patient with me, I would like to be..." Waves of sky-song memory welled upward, symphonies of color and warmth, resonant movement and shared breath. She stilled them, reduced them, and forced out angular words shaped in a pallid shadow of acceptable truth. "...your friend." Chandra's hands leapt out to enfold hers, warm as a bird's nest. "I dunno," she sniffled, one corner of her mouth quivering upward. "I think you're pretty good at picking words." "It took all afternoon to decide how to say this."

While this section of Renewal is a cornerstone of Nissa’s and Chandra’s future romantic relationship, that is a topic big enough to warrant its own essay in order to do it justice. For now, though, let’s focus on this bit: “‘I would like to be…’ Waves of sky-song memory welled upward, symphonies of color and warmth, resonant movement and shared breath. She stilled them, reduced them, and forced out angular words shaped in a pallid shadow of acceptable truth. ‘...your friend.’” Nissa’s never ending struggle to use words grand enough to communicate the intensity of the feelings in her heart has stuck with me since Renewal was posted on Magic’s website in 2017. I doubt I’m the only one, either.

Heroic Intervention

Nissa was already the character I was most invested in back in 2017, but observing her deep well of emotions she didn’t know to express and her entire lifetime's worth of interests and experiences she didn’t know how to talk about helped me, I think, come to terms the previous two-and-a-half decades of my own life that I spent cowering in corners at parties, being as unobtrusive as possible in the lives of my friends and family, and holding myself back because I didn’t think anyone would ever want me around - as a friend, as a lover, or even as a coworker. This section, from later on in Renewal, really gutted me at the time: 

What would she do, if she had the time again? If she didn't flinch at light, noise, and touch, or speak in gestures and movements strange and off-putting to others? How could she tell this new life to laugh and weep without reservation or regret; to sing to the stars and waters, or to nothing at all; to love unreserved and unguarded; to treasure every moment with those beloved; to forgive any regretted trespass; to dance when moved to; to savor long silences in warm company; to greet each dawn, each face with the thought, this will be an adventure; to be brave, and kind, and trusting, and... ...like Chandra. The aetherborn waited, flickering. But why would anyone find her thoughts on the matter of value, anyway? Don't be afraid to follow your heart, Nissa told them. ...Why would that be scary? Halfway across Ghirapur, her body exhaled a laugh into the deepening twilight. May it ever puzzle you.

It wasn’t too long after this story was published that I began my own journey from hiding in the shadows to living my life in a way I was proud of. I moved away with the woman I was dating at the time, and even though that relationship ended up not working out, I spent five long, fun, life-altering years learning to

laugh and weep without reservation or regret; to sing to the stars and waters, or to nothing at all; to love unreserved and unguarded; to treasure every moment with those beloved; to forgive any regretted trespass; to dance when moved to; to savor long silences in warm company; to greet each dawn, each face with the thought, this will be an adventure.

I wonder to this day if the courage Nissa displayed during her own pilgrimage helped nurture in me the courage I needed in my own…

Conclusion

If you made this far, thanks! I’m not sure who, if any, will be interested in these endless ramblings, but if you're here, I hope you found something in it to enjoy!

Further entries in this little series will cover who Nissa is as a character, how she has been treated by various writers in Magic's various seasons, and why that matters (to me at least). The next longform piece I post will go over Nissa’s dual origins, why she was retconned from an incompetent xenophobe into the cinnamon roll with baggage we know today, and what both the Magic Story Team and its fans have made of this shift over the years.

References

Annelli, J. Magic The Gathering The Visual Guide. DK Publishing

Li, M., Digges, K., Luhrs, A., Beyer D., & L'Etoile, C. (2017). Renewal

[sarnai4]

Prison Again

I am a major fan of Dragons, but I'll admit it's rife with plot points that don't get fully used in my eyes. Another one of those was in "Something Rotten on Berserker Island." Dagur's turned on by his Berserkers and imprisoned. This all happens pretty quickly. There's the revolt, he's put in prison, Snotlout breaks him out, and they become the dynamic duo, powering my love of their friendship (that I STILL don't think was shown enough, but okay. That's what fanfics are for, I guess). Still, there's so much that could have happened.

First off, Savage shouldn't have done the coup that day. Of all the days, he literally picked the time when the Berkians were going to show up. Seriously? That's the equivalent of trying to usurp the throne the same day when some of the king's best allies are coming for a special feast. The level of arrogance/stupidity is hilarious.

The next factor is how Dagur's fear was proven true. He admitted that the reason he let people think he killed Oswald was so that they'd think he was tough enough to lead them. That's another way of saying he didn't think they'd believe he was tough enough if he simply took over. He couldn't just be himself. That wouldn't work. They wouldn't respect him. He had to be Dagur the Deranged, the feared chief. So, he goes against his own beliefs when he turns good. He tries out the alternative he could have the first time...and he was right. They didn't respect him. As soon as he stops being evil and threatening to his people, they turn on him. Sure, not everyone does, but I also wish we got a better idea of how many were part of this coup. It's even the first time since turning good that we see him interact with the other Berserkers again. This would be devastating. You finally turn over a new leaf to become a good person and the people you've been trying to lead just throw you in a cell. What makes this hurt even more is how much Berserkers value loyalty. This is what Dagur was teaching Heather. It's why he was shocked that the Hunters deserted. Loyalty is important in that culture, but they blatantly disregarded this to betray him. Lastly, the icing on the pain cake is that he really does care about his Vikings. Even back when he was a mean kid, there were signs that he cared. I often think back to the Skrill ordeal. Alvin referred to the dragon as his. When Dagur corrected him, he said it was theirs (referring to his Berserkers too). Easily, Dagur could've just been thinking about himself, but he was still thinking about his group as a whole. So, even bad Dagur did care about them. Imagine how much of a blow that would be to get betrayed after he tried to openly treat them with kindness.

A bigger part of this to me is the fact that Dagur didn't just get put into a cell. With context, he'd spent 3 years locked up, broke his people out, then some or all of them might have just put him right back in. We really don't know the type of mental toll that took on him. Sure, it's pretty obvious that it messed him up, but that's why this scene to me matters so much. There's the emotional betrayal combined with the fact that he probably promised himself he'd never become a prisoner again. Unlike others who have tried, the Berserkers even use the smartest way to apprehend him. The Outcasts had him in the cell, relatively free, and the Hunters and Riders tied him up. Neither option worked, but the Berserkers use chains because they know him and are more aware of what he's capable of. Sadly, if anyone could have probably kept him in prison for the rest of his life, I think it's the Vikings who have been around him his entire life.

The last thing from the episode that I wanted to see was what happened to the traitors. We never find out what Savage's fate was. Did he get executed? Imprisoned? Could have been either, but it's never mentioned. I just feel like there's a lot of potential where Dagur's made a prisoner again, but it's by his own Vikings. So, one of these days, I'll make it into a fanfic.

[madara-fate]

I love Sasuke, as a character, and the way he changed and grew in the series, and ultimately for the better by the end of the manga, but I deeply dislike the way certain SNS shippers portray him. They keep acting like his downward spiral in part 2 was justified and can't imagine why anyone in universe or in the fandom would take issue with his actions.

Like...God. Sasuke did not just want to get revenge on Konoha's government for the Uchiha massacre (which I find highly misleading anyway, since it was not the whole government with jounin commander, daimyo or even the Hokage, but a rogue actor like Danzo disobeying the Hokage and egging things on...again, explicitly against the Hokage's wishes).

And while his feelings of his clan being wronged are certainly true, and wanting to pursue justice for them is laudable, what he does in response is so egregiously immoral that I have no idea how that certain segment of SNS fans can justify it.

Sasuke wanted to kill every single person in Konoha, man, woman, and child as revenge. He wanted to murder everybody, including those who were uninvolved. For heaven's sake, the murder of children was included in his plan. Later he wanted to establish a dictatorship of fear over the whole world.

And certain SNS shippers...actually, certain deranged Sasuke fans, just...don't see the problem with this and act like it's Naruto and Sakura who are wrong for wanting to pull him out of a dark spiral like that.

What is up with such a level of whitewashing someone's actions in such a way?

Like...man, why are they not happy that Sasuke's two best friends cared about him so much and resolved to rescue him from committing such inhumane actions? Aren't they happy that he was finally freed from rage and hatred and became a beautiful man?

Why do they want him to have become a deranged mass murderer? Why are they cheering it on and booing when someone tried to stop him? If they really loved his character, would they not want him to grow positively?

Like, what, just what? I have never seen such foolishness from any fandom, ever, except the Naruto fandom.

And certain SNS shippers...actually, certain deranged Sasuke fans, just...don't see the problem with this and act like it's Naruto and Sakura who are wrong for wanting to pull him out of a dark spiral like that.

Yes, I was going to make that distinction before you did it yourself. The regular SNS fans often do acknowledge the problem, but just choose to dismiss Sakura as an important part in Sasuke's life, and act like Naruto was all he cared about. On the other hand, the Sasuke fans who are huge fans of Team Taka, are those who supported Sasuke in his misguided endeavours, and wanted him to travel with them and abandon the Leaf Village because according to them, the entire village wronged Sasuke and his clan, and not just the elders.

[noa-nightingale]

Forgive me for being salty for a second. Full transparency, I'm saying this as a Try Guys stan that's been with them before they were even called the Try Guys. The people going around saying that Try Guys are better because they have tv quality content have absolutely no right to speak. Especially now that Travel Season is officially out. Like this is something that you'd literally see on tv. I've seen people say that Eat the Menu was tv content which is absolutely deranged to me. I LOVE Keith, but he's literally just sitting down and eating food. And people talking about how Steven just ate expensive, gold, food. Keith is eating THE WHOLE MENU of michelin star establishments. The most expensive place on Travel Season was 50 USD. Like I deadass don't want to see or hear people talking about this aspect anymore.

Thank you for this; I agree with you! It is kind of bonkers to me that people were (and probably still are) accusing Steven of being gold-loving and greedy and ruining Watcher with it while Keith could do no wrong. I know people have said it more eloquently than me but the Watcher fandom (at least big parts of it) has been so horrendously racist towards Steven. It's really not okay.

I used to watch the Try Guys regularly-ish and then gradually less and less for no real reason, just did not vibe with it as much anymore. Please don't take this as anything but my personal opinion, I am sure other people feel differently: I always loved the Try Guys individually (used to, at least) but the things that 2nd Try produced as a company somehow started feeling like less than their parts, while with Watcher it felt like the opposite - the guys and their employees are wonderful on their own and when they come together, they create something even greater.

Sorry, I know that was not the point of your message; but you are completely right. Travel Season has such excellent editing and cinematography and basically excellent everything, I think it is on an entirely different level.

Best wishes to you, I hope you don't have to see bullshit takes in the future anymore. <3

[crankyfemme]

Please talk to me about Joel and Tess I’ve been thinking about them all weekend

I don't even know if I have any coherent thoughts about them it's all just a wriggling mass of worms in here, screaming about their dynamic. (Update from after writing out the rest of this deranged essay: I did not mean for this to get so long and go off on so many tangents. I am insane. Thank you.)

I'm utterly obsessed with the way Tess is the one who calls the shots - just reblogged a post the other day about how Joel looks to her for decision-making, which mixed nicely in my brain with that quote from the podcast about Joel being "a little bit of a Frankenstein monster" that Tess is leading. This fermented in my brain with Joel's consistent characterization as someone who can't live for himself, only for someone else. As joking as it is, people are absolutely on the nose with the "acts of service being Joel's love language" posts. He doesn't know how to be a person unless he's orbiting another. (This also neatly parallels Ellie's greatest fear of ending up alone, but that's a whooooole nother essay.)

For a long time, Sarah was the axis around which he orbited, and that is why losing her led to a near suicide. Tommy managed to shift Joel's orbit around himself, to save his brother, which led to "all the things we did - the things you judge me for" from episode 6. This next bit is speculation, but I think it's fairly well supported by evidence from canon. I think that Tommy wasn't able to properly handle how Joel's trauma changed him, not okay with the level of violence Joel was willing to reach to keep Tommy safe, but utterly unable to lose the only family he had left.

(Continuing this Tommy tangent, sorry): he absolutely feels some level of responsibility for how fucked up Joel is now. If he had arrived just a little sooner, he could have saved Sarah, and Joel wouldn't be the way he is. Every time Joel does something morally reprehensible for Tommy's sake, Tommy thinks this is my fault. At least at first. They met Tess later, so there was no one else for Joel to orbit, so Tommy was the only option. And he was definitely there during and in the wake of Joel's suicide attempt, so he knows Joel cannot be alone. But the way they're surviving is fucking with him.

It's not until later, when Joel and Tess have become close enough for her to be Joel's new Person that Tommy can leave, which he does, of course he does, because seeing what's become of his brother makes him sick with guilt and anger. He couldn't leave until he knew for sure Joel had a Person to keep living for, but once that's a sure thing, he leaves. (There's another whole essay in here about Joel and Tommy being foils, where Joel must be devoted to a single person and Tommy must be devoted to some greater cause, but I've digressed enough. You came here for Joel and Tess. Sorry. I swear these thoughts are all related.) Back to Joel. Everything about him screams "experienced parentification as a child" and I know I'm still in speculation land but come on. He's several years older than Tommy and he became a father at a young age, and it's implied that he was a single father from pretty early on in Sarah's life (moreso in the game, but there's no indication they changed that for the show). Joel and Tommy's parents are never so much as mentioned.

Adults who were parentified as children have a hard time expressing and meeting their own needs, particularly emotionally, and have a hard time turning off their "caregiver" mode. Just for fun, I ran a quick search about parentification to refresh my memory, and I'd like to share a few sentences that made me insane: "A parentified child does not learn to distinguish their own needs and feelings from those of other people." Here's another: "In certain cases, some degree of parentification may have positive effects, such as building resilience and competency."

Who does that sound like? Joel "you were never gonna do it for yourself" Miller, that's fucking who. (For added derangement, rewatch the breakfast scene in episode 1, starting around 6:50 when Tommy comes through the door. "Awww, he loves you." "He's dependent on me. It's not the same." But I digress. Again.) ANYWAY: Enter Tess. Tess is fucking smart and ruthless about survival, Tess shares Joel's deep trauma of losing a child, and Tess doesn't have Tommy's angst about how Joel has changed from Before. She's exactly someone whose psychological profile can mesh well with post-Outbreak Joel's. She's resourceful and great at social engineering, and she quickly picks up on how Joel's mind operates. As the audience, we never get to actually see or hear how they met and grew close, but given how they are as people, I think it's likely that Tess initially saw Joel as a resource to use, then figured out more about him, and grew to actually give a shit - until she ended up giving a lot of shits. Too many, maybe.

She definitely knows she has power in their dynamic, that she can make the decisions and Joel will follow her lead, that Joel cares about her. The scene in their apartment kitchen where he sees her swollen eye and she already knows he's going to react the way he does, has her first sentence prepared so he'll sit back down. The casual way she allows him to tilt her head and pat at her face with the cloth? She knows his need to caretake, and she allows him a few moments to meet it, and then she gently redirects him and breaks the bad news about the battery to him.

She handles him emotionally like a fucking master pianist at the keys. (Follow along at about 53:25 in episode 1 if this next bit makes no fucking sense.) She starts gentle, reassuring, telling him "nothing's lost" after dropping the fact that Robert sold the battery. She matches Joel's energy when he stands, upset, saying "okay, fuck it, we get our money back and the battery" so he doesn't feel like she's being condescending or too calm about something that's a big deal to him. She approaches, makes physical contact with her hand to get him to meet her eyes, and lays out the logic - the goal is not out of reach, but will be unless Joel listens to her. And then she says "I need you to take a breath" and there's a quiet moment where you can see her exaggerating a breath for Joel to follow. (I think this is where I became unrecoverable, by the way, if it wasn't already back where Joel rolls over at her hand on his back to be her little spoon.) Notice the energy level in the room after that breath? They both continue speaking in lower, calmer voices. Even when Joel says "Well who'd he sell it to?" his tone is irritated without being loud and abrasive.

And then my favorite thing ever. "Now I promised Robert you wouldn't hurt him. But I would very much like for you to hurt him." Because Tess knows that she is Joel's Person, and what things Joel will do for his Person. She knows because she saw it back when it was Tommy. And Tess has no problem weaponizing Joel, unlike Tommy, who'd been driven away by that very thing.

The saddest part, to me personally, is that while Tess was able to understand that she was Joel's Person, she didn't let herself believe that meant love. Not the way she wanted it to. She figured that he had to revolve around someone, psychologically, but that didn't mean he had to love them. And Joel couldn't ever say it to her, because he loses everyone he loves. It's even more obvious with Ellie, later, when he so clearly loves her as a daughter and just cannot say it in such plain words. He loved Sarah, and she died in his arms, and he loved Tommy, and Tommy left him behind. So there's no way Joel was ever going to be able to be clear with Tess that he loved her, even though he so clearly did. Especially since Tess died before Ellie's presence in Joel's life started to heal the wound - "it wasn't time that did it."

God. I have no idea if any of this makes sense, I just had a million thoughts and feelings and went off on several tangents, but I've finally run somewhat out of steam and I did, in fact, talk about Joel and Tess like you asked. So I'm gonna call it a success.

Anyway, how was your weekend?

[yvtro]

Jason was Red Robin in countdown right? I keep hearing about weird but okay development through that event. What do you think about his countdown progression?

 i moved to @boyfridged. i still post countdown meta there sometimes:)

the thing about countdown is that at first glance, it’s not great characterisation. it comes from the same era as atrocities such as brothers in blood or the battle for the cowl, and it is often dismissed by association. and i have to admit, there are some aspects to how jay's personality is written there that unnerve me. it has ups and downs, which for the most part reflect jay’s own inner conflicts. but overall? this is one of the greatest progressions we’ve got in jay’s storyline, ever. there's only one arc that i genuinely despise, and even then there's plenty of potential. let me get into it. -> full analysis under the cut. (i don't provide with a full summary, but rather go through notable storylines and moments)

countdown #51

let's start from the very beginning, when duela poses the question (as seen above): "who exactly are you? how does jason todd fit into the grand comics scheme of things?" i think it's salient, since it implies that the writers actually had to ask this question themselves. they care about jason's place in-universe, as much as they care about it in the wider narrative. and you know what, that's a low bar, but most dc writers don't seem to consider these things *at all* when they approach writing a new character. 

following from there, it should not be surprising that the whole progression even in this first issue is utterly fascinating and very well thought through.

here we see jason saying that he is "not too tolerant of gun-wielding crazies [himself]". this is notable because at the time jason is mostly established as... a gun-wielding crazy himself. as much as i hate it, this is the same timeline in which jason is briefly portrayed as a psychotic villain. other characters, not in an overly sensitive way, call him epithets such as deranged. but here we see, obviously, that jason doesn't perceive himself as such. 

we also get a glimpse at the discordance between his beliefs, actions and emotional response; duela wants to kill someone; jay in reply emphasises that an "innocent life" cannot be sacrificed just to make a point about someone's identity. he follows her to fight her, but instead ends up trying to save her in an encounter with a monitor, and seems at least shocked (and at most shaken, hard to tell with the hood) when he does not manage to.

I just want to once again stress that it’s so delightful how evident it is that his "moral code" is all hazy and a bit hypocritical. the progression of all things he says and does is so irrational that it’s thrilling.

enter monitor saying that "anomalies should be purged" – a parallel to jason's own philosophy about criminals. in a way, this is the first time when he is confronted with his own agenda about “purging” the world from evil to minimise harm. and  he intuitively disagrees with it! what really shines through here is that on some level, jason still believes in rehabilitation and the right to live. i will say it again and again and again, this is a boy who died trying to save someone who sold him out for torture. here's his great internal conflict, the tension between the intuitive belief in kindness vs trauma that made him want to detach himself from it and focus on retribution. 

teen titans (2003) #47

in an encounter with dick and tim jay is accused on killing duela. he tells them that he tried to save her, and donna stands in his defence, saying that she saw him at duela’s funeral. this is a really significant set-up.

countdown #50

the issue contains a narrative about jason that brings in some of his worst appearances from the timeline and based on that calls him “unpredictable” – a characterisation that i’m not a fan of, but then again, it’s 2007; the editorial board cared a bit more about the integrity of characterisation, thus i can’t exactly be mad that they mention it.

but what this issue does is acknowledging that jason is not just some unstable villain. “jason todd… to say he’s complicated is an understatement.” <- containing multitudes etc. "i’ve been around plenty of metahumans, aliens, new gods and vigilantes over the years… i’ve met batman loads of times and believe me, he’s plenty scary. but jason… he’s a lot like batman, but he’s willing to do what batman never would. he’s willing to kill.” <- one of the first of many comparisons of jay and bruce in the series. i do eat them up.

countdown #48 – duela's funeral.

“all right… after she died, it got me thinking about what that alien said… about how duels wasn’t even supposed to be in this reality in the first place, you know? and neither am i… […] and then there’s you, donna… […] i guess I just wanted to be around someone else who might know how it feels… to be living on borrowed time” 

jason says what he probably has been thinking all that time out loud (regarding the fact that he does not belong in this reality; he’s supposed to be dead), and it makes sense that he says it now, with the impending feeling of doom. 

he seeks out someone. he recognises that there are other people in this world that have experiences that are of semblance to his own ones, and that he does not have to be completely isolated. this is character development, and I’m not saying it to be funny; i’m saying it to highlight the fact that in lord’s year 2007, dc editors and writers decided that jason was allowed to seek emotional closure in a healthy manner. it might be slightly underwritten (for it to be truly interesting we would need a longer progression) but the circumstances make it plausible enough.

countdown #46

i just want to highlight this panel. i wrote more about it here.

countdown #33

“i’ve got no problem with kyle. he’s great. he’s dreamy” (a honorary mention)

countdown #43

 - here, jason suggests that they should get help of other heroes in trying to tackle the crisis. this is an intriguing progression, which might seem random for jason, but it really shows that the writers did their homework and read at least the new teen titans, wherein robin jason was responsible and reasonable enough not to overestimate his own abilities in the field.  

countdown #30

the challengers travels to earth-15, one where donna is a wonder woman and jason is batman. this is one of my favourite issues, for several reasons: 

–> a striking similarity between bruce and jason, that really shines through when jay is wearing a cowl. i briefly talk about earth-15 jay here.

–> jason fighting himself. literally. internal conflict externalised! it is clear that earth-15 jay views earth prime jay as immature, but he’s also not an adult enough to refrain from fighting back. 

-> this is the first earth were jason is confronted with a world that could be. i believe that before that, jason perceived his trauma and becoming red hood as fate. seeing a version of himself that is batman? this shows that his identity is not set in stone. he's forced to face the fact that he can become someone else.

the all new atom #14

a mild and frustrating setback in characterisation, whereas jason hits before he asks questions. i am more frustrated by how stupid it was rather than the violence itself.

more importantly (although not impactful nor related to anything at all!) we get to see an echo of jay’s soul that was left in heaven. 

countdown #27 – #26 

jason pretends to betray the team which prompts further in-fighting. i like how donna in anger almost calls him “red hood” but switches to “todd.” it’s a reference to the fact that jason is not using the rh identity anymore, even if it’s not a fully realised decision yet.

countdown #16 - #13

perhaps my favourite storyline. setting: earth 51.

-> “isn’t that your super-power, stupid boy? too stupid to ever give up?” “maybe it is.” <- an element of characterisation that i thoroughly appreciate. more on it here.

->  #15 jason meets this earth’s batman and learns that he killed the joker after his [or rather, robin jason’s of this universe] death. bruce’s actions mirror that of red hood jason – bruce went on to eradicate the whole gotham rogues. this is an issue in which jay perhaps comes to a realisation that he should be careful what he wishes for; he is utterly disappointed in this version of bruce. a more detailed post on it here.

-> #14: red robin intro. red robin is an id that bruce of earth 51 devised with thought of his jay growing up and moving on to another title. (it doesn’t really make sense, does it) bruce sees himself in jason and tells him to “gear up” as he will help in the field.

 -> now, i don’t like the concept of jason keeping the red robin title past countdown, but as a brief episode in his development? this is excellent. jason gets to experience working with bruce as a (sort of) sidekick one more time. maybe this is what he needs to move on. to briefly feel comfortable in the role that he grew to despise, the past self that he tried to bury. to hear batman call him “chum” one more time and nudge “you used to crack jokes at moments like this!” before he can leave this life behind. to come to accept it as a formative experience.

-> #13 earth-51 batman dies. genuinely one of the most harrowing moments in the series. i must say that i wonder if jason is agonizing more over the fact that it was a fnale to such a short-lived partnership that mirrored his past, or if maybe he feels responsible for what happened to this bruce (as bruce went out to fight inspired by him.) or maybe both?

countdown #11 - #4

jason decides that he is done with the whole affair and leaves the team in hopes of going back to the home earth on his own (they follow him). in the process, he tries to help some people in fight, but quickly decides he doesn't actually care (allowing them to die), and in #4, when they are getting ready for the final confrontation with the enemy, he tells the challengers from beyond to fuck off, and leaves saying something as cheesy as "see you suckers!"

i will be honest with you, i really don't know what to think about the progression in these issues. on the one hand, i am a fan of the idea that bruce's death would send jason into a frenzy. he was the one who gave earth-51 bruce sudden faith into vigilantism, and batman ended up dead. this might, for jay, be a final straw, where he decides that his (murderous) optimism and stubborness is a mistake. on the other hand, i believe even with that happening, with the way his development is set up, you would think he should go out from this internal conflict victorious.

countdown #1

some more elucidated thoughts on the ending here.

jason has an internal monologue about how the capes are "crazy," and how he is not "crazy" etc etc. again, this could be interesting in the sense that seeing batman murdered was a traumatic experience for him. in a way, he is trying to isolate himself from the concept of heroism, because it does reflect his own values (strong will and hope), but these values are the very same ones that got him (and earth-51 bruce) killed.

on the other hand, we see him without a mask and interrogating (torturing?) someone. which brings in some questions regarding what his idea of starting a new life is. because it doesn't seem promising. either for himself or anyone else.

so, the conclusion seems like negative character development rather positive one, yet, there's still plenty potential. the most notable element of it is that now jason appears to consider vigilantism as a whole as victimising (although this is not what he would call it, probably), and he takes off the mask. nonetheless, it also seems that he proceeds to do... the very same thing he has done before? (there is some space for interpretation regarding what the interrogation is about. is he working a case? he's seeking information, so it does seem so). this all, in a way, shows that jason doesn't understand the dichotomy of the civilian vs vigilante identity. he's still not able to abandon the field. and maybe this set up is just perfect for him to realise that the problem is not about whether he's wearing a domino or not, or if he isolates himself from the community – because either way, he's still trying to do the same thing as they do. either way, he's still trying to save the world. either way, he still is similar to bruce, who, as he says is "one step from craziness."

the potential of the ending is such that jason ends up in an interesting grey zone wherein he doesn't have any identity whatsoever (he's still legally dead!), and seems to want to keep it this way, which is honestly a fascinating concept. this is even more mind-boggling when you consider that the got all of these multiverse encounters that arrange for development in the opposite direction. and in my mind, if at that point his character were to be taken over by a talented writer, they could still capitalise on all of these elements. in that moment, jason still hasn't truly processed what happened in the past months, and is blinded by grief and repressing it alike. but in the course of trying to work as a... non-entity without either civilian nor vigilante identity, he could realise that it doesn't fix anything, because what all of it is about is himself and how he copes with loss.

countdown presents: the search of ray palmer

for the sake of brevity: mostly truly excellent material, brilliant team interactions. chronogically, it is set somewhere around issue 30-20 probably, but can be read independently.

what i want to highlight is how it emphasises jason's love for gotham, but also how in gotham by gaslight jay wonders if he could find his way back to this earth afterwards. i think more than anything else, it shows how much jason feels detached from the world, and how he craves a new start somewhere that is both familiar (gotham) but also different enough that he would not have to be confronted with his past there. it also makes me wonder if jay would want to stay on earth 51 if not for bruce's death there.

and that's the end of the analysis. to summarise: what makes countdown so exceptional is how earnestly it shows jason's internal conflicts and his process of perpetual repression and self-isolation. however, unlike the later books (up to today, really) it also pushes him in a new direction and establishes a ground for great character development.

edit: i have another long countdown meta post here.

[zevranunderstander]

idk how to phrase this but like. people retroactively calling Fleabag a privileged, dissociative portrayal of feminism which is Bad, Actually, are lowkey deranged to me because, yeah, Fleabag IS about the expierience of womanhood. but like. through the lens of ONE woman? like, nowhere in the show is it ever implied that fleabag's expieriences are supposed to be universal, relateable core pillars to womanhood?

its almost like half of the population of the world is female and I think it's kind of weird that all stories about women always have to be feminist and activist, and can not just be an exploration of an imperfect woman, they have to be correct about *all* of womanhood?

i also think that the people saying this don't really understand the character of fleabag and i do think that the show is feminist in many ways, but even when no person working on this show would have had any intention of making this a "feminist story", i think that would have been their right to do that?

breaking bad, fight club, american psycho, lolita, etc. all tell the stories of white men who are objectively horrible people. and these stories still treat these characters with a level of empathy and understanding of how they got there and why they are like that. the stories don't excuse their behavior because of that, they are simply a fictional analysis of a person who is not virtuous or good in a lot of ways.

but women, people of color, disabled people, and other minorities are never given the same right to just tell a story about a character, the character has to be virtuous, a good role model, a representation of their whole group, likeable, flawed only in an "unproblematic" way, never make a bad decision, and its insanely limiting in what stories can be told by writers, when they want the approval of the general audience

and i so genuinely want more fleabag women, who may interact with feminism, but who are actual human beings in a real world, who have real flaws and who can be selfish and cruel, but who are still treated with empathy by the story