#because thats all i'll ever amount to <3

[remcycl333]

my sp story <3

hi besties! if you've been following my blog for a while you know that i've been single for a while, partly because i like to be independent and single, and partly because i just didn't like anyone. obviously i could just manifest a guy out of thin air, but when im not confronted face to face with a crush then i just don't care about being in a relationship so i never manifested someone out of thin air lol

but then a couple of weeks ago i was at the movies with my friends, and there were couples cuddling around us and i was like "aw :( kinda wish i had a bf now." and what do we do when we feel any type of desire? we immediately fulfill ourselves, no matter how "small" the desire is! so that's what i did. i imagined for like two seconds that i was cuddling with a boy at the theaters, and then i got distracted by the movie and forgot all about it

then like 15 minutes later, a guy that i'd had a crush on four years ago randomly slid into my dms. i never pursued him four years ago bc my bff at the time had dibs on him, but we're not friends anym and haven't been for years so it was my time to shine!!!

anyway, we talk for like a week. i know this guy is funny and shit bc of when we hung out irl, but like all he's sending me are unfunny memes that don't really warrant a response. so it was kinda tough

and this is the part where you guys are going to yell at me!!! i was like oh i should use my manifestation skills and make sure this goes smoothly....but then i was like nah im just gonna go with the flow 😭😭😭 and i know you guys are like REM!!!! u manifest EVERYTHING u can't just turn it off!!!! anyway.....long story short a week into us talking this mf randomly blocks me!!!!

so im instantly like 🙄🙄 damn fine i'll manifest him back bc im stubborn and do not like being told no in my reality

so how did i do it? how did i manifest him back?

if you guys have followed me for a while, you know that i manifested an sp a couple years ago by simply affirming "i love [his name] so much" any time i'd think of him and this would conjure the feeling of the wish fulfilled. (NOT mindless affirming. i'd say it maybe two or three times to catch the feeling and then move on)

ANYWAY so that's what i did! and let me tell you....i was not "perfect" by any means 😭 in fact this manifestation really kinda opened my eyes on how EASY manifestation truly is. like i already knew how easy it was, but damn!

if you know that your desire is promised and that it is coming because you gave it to yourself in imagination (even ONCE) ... there is NOTHING that will stop it. i was gonna make a separate post on this and i tried but i just couldn't articulate it correctly so im going to try again:

it took 12 days to manifest him to unblock me and message me. im sure it would've taken a shorter amount of time if i was more disciplined with myself but it's kinda crazy bc of how UNdisciplined i was 😭 tbh i was just kinda like...unsure if i even wanted to manifest him at all bc thats how much i value my alone time and my independence lol

anyway, i always get asks from people who are stressed and anxious bc they think that in order to manifest your desire, you can never enter the state of lack ever again and that dwelling in negative thoughts will "ruin" your manifestations. but i am here to tell you IT DOES NOT MATTER!!! you do not need to be "perfect"!!!! as long as you are staying faithful to the idea that you have your desire in the 4d, it'll manifest in the 3d.

another thing i see so many people confused and stressed about is whether or not they're naturally thinking from the state. for instance, every time you think of your sp, you think from the end of being in a relationship with them, before you think of the fact that you're not together yet. and let me tell you....while this CAN happen, it's not always gonna happen and it's not necessary. let me tell you, the DAY before my sp reached out, and even the day that he did....i would catch myself thinking about how we weren't together! but the gag is....YOUR THOUGHTS DON'T MANIFEST!!!! yes, they indicate what state you're in, but the actual thoughts themselves don't mean shit!!! they don't manifest. they just don't!

so i'd shift back to the state of being my sp's girlfriend when i'd have these thoughts, but i was fully aware we were not together in my 3d and i never naturally thought of us as being together before i saw any evidence of it in my 3d. all i had was the knowing that my inner man was with my sp, and that since i'd decided i had it in imagination, it would push out into my 3d. because that's how the law works!!! and honestly, that's all you really need. you just need to know that since you gave yourself your desire in your imagination ONE TIME, it WILL manifest. and if you have a true understanding of how the law works and you've read source, you will have no trouble knowing that it will come.

you also do NOT need to be in the state of the wish fulfilled 24/7!!! at all!!!! i cannot stress this enough. and tbh i used to feel the same. i felt like i had to be aware of having my desire in imagination 24/7 or else it wouldn't come. i thought i couldn't perceive the lack or opposite in my 3d or else it wouldn't manifest (see this post about dismissing the 3d btw if u need help with that). but the gods honest truth is that all you need to do is DECIDE you have your desire in imagination & not take no for an answer & KNOW that your desire is GOING TO REFLECT IN YOUR 3D NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

and that's not to say that you wont still get anxious and have intrusive thoughts and be like "oh god what if it never manifests." like... im human and i had those human moments. but i just reminded myself that i know the law and ive proven it to myself many times and i know that it had to manifest.

anyway. back to my sp story!

so for these 12 days that im blocked (lmfao) all i did was affirm "i love [his name] so much" whenever i thought of him until i caught the feeling of the wish fulfilled. that's it. and i knew for a fact that he was mine in the 4d and therefore we'd be together in the 3d bc that's the law!

anyway on friday (5 days ago) at 8pm? im scrolling thru the ulta app and then im like "oh i havent fulfilled myself today i dont think" so i fulfilled myself for like 2 seconds and then get distracted by some product and then two minutes later i get a notif that this guy followed me and then dmed me 😭

it's funny cuz my irls don't know about the law of assumption so i sent them a screenshot and i was like "look who came crawling back" and they were like BOOOOO!!! and i was like no guys!!!!! i created the blocking and i created this like i promise we can trust him 😭😭 hahahaha

anyway. let me tell you. if you are manifesting an sp, DO NOT DO THAT SHIT IN STEPS!!!!! i mean, if you really want to, i can't stop you, but i really don't recommend it.

with my old sp (the one from two years ago) i'd always manifest contact and then get it, and then he'd ghost me and and id have to manifest contact again and it'd be a never ending cycle!!! bc i was just focusing on contact, not on how i felt or how he felt about me.

the reason i loveeee to affirm "i love my sp so much" INSTEAD OF "HE loves ME so much" is because it helps me catch the feeling of the wish fulfilled so much more. not only that, but because remember, THERE IS NO ONE TO CHANGE BUT SELF!!!! changing the way i see my sp and the way i feel about him is all i need to do. im not trying to change him and make him love me lol. this is about me and my inner reality, not him! he'll reflect whatever i am in the 4d

another reason i love affirming this is because TO ME, this is what implies we are already together. whenever im in a relationship, i always find myself laying around all giddy thinking about how obsessed with my bf i am and how i love him so much. so i emulate that when im manifesting an sp.

and it's PERFECT because by jumping straight to the end where we're already together, i don't have to focus on all the things that lead to us being in a relationship. i don't have to manifest him following me, or texting me, or asking me on a date. these things all just happen naturally bc im living in the end.

NOT TO MENTION, it naturally turns your sp into your perfect partner? like remember when i said when we were talking before he blocked me he was kinda dry and he'd just send memes that i didn't find funny? THIS DUDE DID A COMPLETE 180!!!

he's sooo funny, he is the OPPOSITE of dry, he is everything???? and im obsessed.

anyway he unblocked me and dmed me, and then asked for my number and we had such funny and cute convos and then boom 4 days later he asks me on a date and i say no (😭😭😭😭 i was busy) but i agreed to go on a date the next day and the way this boy showed pure unencumbered excitement 🥺 im obsessed

anyway im sorry this is so long? i really just wanted to share how all i did was apply what i've been preaching about on this blog for years and it worked out flawlessly! hopefully this gives you guys some good tips and maybe motivation? <3

[sukunastoy]

NSFW ABCs (A-M) (Heian Era Ryoumen Sukuna)

An anon asked for this, and I'm not certain WHICH Sukuna they're hoping for, but I'll start with Heian Era True Form Sukuna! <3

CW/TW: Its true form Sukuna, thats the warning. Masterlist (N-Z Here!)

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex) Bold of you to assume that Sukuna is going to stick around after he's done making you go dumb from his dick(s). But if he did stick around, he's pushing you away from him (out of his bed, off of his throne), so he can have the space to himself. You can sleep on the floor where pets belong. No cuddles, no pillow talk, (maybe some degrading praise.) You're lucky if he even offers a rag to clean yourself up with. Cause lets be honest, he's going to make a mess out of you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's) Definitely for him, its his chest. His big pecs (beefy man tiddies) are definitely something he's proud of. He either isn't wearing a top, or has it opened/rolled down. For his fuck toy, he loves your neck. Loves kissing it, biting it, licking it, squeezing it. Loves to mark your skin with his teeth, so you know who you belong to. And he enjoys leaving bruises where he's gripped so harshly.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) For one, prepare for the most cum you've ever had or will ever have in your life from this guy. If you're giving him oral, you will be required to take every last drop, can't let any of the King's seed be wasted. Swallow it up like a good pet. He loves to stuff you full of his cum in other places too, and he'll hold your legs and hips up in a way that nothing can spill out of you. (Consider it a form of the King's blessings. Don't waste it.) He's not going to cum onto your body, because he wants to be inside of you when he reaches his climax and wants to see your face when he fills your insides with his unforgiving amount.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) This man is pretty openly dirty, I mean, he's the King of Curses, who is going to say anything about one of his kinks? But, a secret in general, he really enjoys back/shoulder massages, doesn't even have to get sexual, it just feels amazing to him to work the knots out of his large muscles. Since he's so large anyway, you could walk on his back or even use your knees to massage in certain areas if your hands aren't strong enough. It's the only time you notice he's truly relaxed and not terrifying.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?) Forget everything you thought you knew about sex, because he's about to show you what you've been missing out on. Through taking advantage of villagers, receiving sacrifices/offerings in the form of humans for his pleasure, bringing maids/servants into his chambers because he's simply bored... he's had quite a lot of practice to perfect his skill. Though he generally takes care of his own pleasures, he's keen to what others enjoy, even if they deny it. And if you aren't even aware of something you might like, he'll gladly introduce it to you and get you addicted to it. (Loves to see your eyes roll to the back of your head when he's found the thing that makes you lose all control of yourself.)

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) He will keep you pinned in the mating press, so he can fill you as much as possible, and to hit every sweet and sensitive part of your insides without mercy. Watching you hopelessly struggle beneath him as he's taking you in a very primal way, it really gets him off. (Plus his tummy mouth is in a wonderful position to provide extra unbearable pleasure.)

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) He's definitely serious in the moment. When the king is ready to fuck you, you better be prepared. He won't be in the mood for playing around or being silly.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) Since it's the heian era, there aren't exactly many reasons to stay well groomed, nor is it probably practiced at all. You're going to get an au natural bush that definitely matches the drapes. Don't worry, his dick(s) are so large, they're not going to get lost in it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) He's not romantic. You're there simply to be used by him. He enjoys watching you struggle and cry from how rough he is. You could be asleep, in the middle of a task or even eating, and he's going to take what he wants, when he wants it. The only reason he offers the slightest prep and foreplay is so he can push inside of you easier.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) Sukuna isn't the type to jack off. That's what his fuck toys are for. If he's feeling particularly lazy, you'll use your body as a fleshlight and bounce on him while he lounges back. He's either enjoying a fine drink or smoking his kiseru while watching you work.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) He's definitely into BDSM. In fact, the more terror you appear to be in, the hornier this man gets. He's going to hurt you, no doubt about it. You're going to get bit, choked, tied up and even whipped because he loves to hear you cry out in pain. Don't worry, even if he gets out of control and nearly takes your life, he can heal you right up so he can continue to enjoy himself with your body.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) In his throne, or on his bed. When Sukuna wants everyone to see how he treats his toy, he's going to be forcing you to ride his dick(s) while he's lounging in his throne. He might even hold conversation with some of his servants or village subordinates, but you're going to be falling apart as he uses his arms to keep moving you. When he wants you all for himself, he'll take you to his room and own your body again and again on his bed. A perfect place to tie you up if he wants. It's also easier for when he wants to go to sleep after, he's already in bed. All he has to do is push you out of it when he's finished with you.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) Anything can get this man going. If you've angered him or appear scared by him, he's going to take advantage of you in a sinister way. If you accidentally bend over in his presence, he's going to keep you bent over while he proceeds to fuck your brains out. When he goes to lay waste to villages, you're his prize when he returns. A personal little gift to himself after ending innocent lives.

|| Hope you enjoyed! Comments and reblogs are much appreciated! ||

[aimseytv]

HI I AM ASKING YOU THINGS:

how long have you been doing photography for? have you ever considered doing it for full time or is it kept as a hobby? do you have any extra photos you never posted that you would like to post?

SORRY FOR THE AMOUNT OF QUESTIONS BUT YE :3

HELLO! i have been doing photography since i had my first small little camera when i was around 9 years old, and i LOVED it. i'd waddle around the house taking photos of the most unnecessary things like my mams coffee and such and i LOVED it. i do it as a hobby for now, but i really want to do it eventually as a side job hopefully starting next year! thats why im trying to build up the instagram, as well as why i'm so adamant on credit when it comes to people reposting so that i'm able to gain that traction back to the account itself for future clients and such! i have so many extra photos ive never posted because im a huge perfectionist and if one photo detail isn't right, i scrap it, but one day i'll do a master post of all the "scrapped" pieces :D

[dawnoftime22]

I love you.

| W.M -> N.R

Undeserving of a Love Like Yours, Chapter 12

Chapter Warnings: None, I don't think

Summary: The day you chose a path for yourself was the day she also made her very own choice, and the weight of the world was lifted without any more time wasted.

Series Summary: When you're stuck in a complete hole of confusion and hurt with the one you thought you loved most, a certain redhead finds her way into your life.

Word Count: 3.6k

Category: Hurt/Comfort(?), Fluff, Fluff, and FLUFF!! oh, did I say...? Fluff.

A/N: idk if the beginning is lame? but I really hope it isn't - In compensation of all the angst and finally, to put an end to this series, I give you, the last chapter. It's been an incredibly fun adventure :] this might be the most tender chapter (or fic) I've written yet. I hope all of you enjoyed it as much as I have and I'm really really happy at the amount of support I see some of you give me. ily ily all<3 I'm back in my groove HEHEH!!!

P.S: this is better with reputation on or the series playlist. ;] (specifically starting at fortnight or anywhere at the bottom)

Series Playlist

| Started on 31/03/2024, 8:16 AM |

| Finished on 13/05/2024, 4:15 PM |

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | N.R Masterlist

<- Chapter 11

"I'll end the torture I put on myself...and the one you put on yourself, because no one ever deserves such a thing but love."

(I will never not love that picture of her<3)

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

The rain earlier sheened the streets with gleams of reflections. The lampposts glowed in a warm orange. It was cold, but in the most cozy way. At least, if you were under a blanket. Right now, your body was shivering and your hands might soon go numb if you stayed outside any longer.

Windows of shops were bright with light, bars were dim with crowds of people, and a creak of a door from an old aged store thats always been there, ever since you first visited Kate.

There was a group of people, laughing heartily from a joke as you walked by. They seemed kind. On the other side of the street was two people, a couple perhaps, smiling gently as they shared a small cake, enjoying theirselves. Another, was walking hand in hand.

You sighed, keeping your hands in the pockets of your jacket in the meanwhile. At least it was some type of warmth. It may not be another hand, but your jacket was your friend.

The apartment ridded your bodily shivers, but your fingers were definitely entirely numb and redder than usual as you closed the door. Meanwhile, golden fur brushed against your legs and just barely appeared in your vision below you.

Leaning down, you smiled softly, scratching Lucky behind his ears before kicking your shoes off and moving to sit on the couch. Or rather, slightly fall atop it. You closed your face with both your hands. All this silence, pining and desperately waiting was driving you crazy.

Lucky had laid down next to you, looking at you adorably with his one eye. Your body was lazily laid down, but you shifted to hug his cuddly figure, him instantly snuggling into the embrace.

You stayed like that for a while, and he didn't move at all until you pulled away, sliding your phone out from your pockets. The time showed on the front screen, with a wallpaper of you and Nat at the aquarium.

The urge you had to change it to something else. But you couldn't-- it was too precious. You sat up, then moved to stand, finding your contacts app.

Yes, you might also throw up soon if you stared at your contacts any more than you already have the past few months, but this was something that had to be done.

The room was quiet as you paced the floor, your feet padding against the wood quietly. A notification came in that had you flickering your eyes to your phone again, but it was just an indication of Kate adding to her Instagram story.

Checking, it was just a video of her showing off her archery skills and having fun with her friends from class. Well, while she was out having fun, you were dying with a decision you had to make.

...You shouldn't think like that. In fact, you were happy she was much happier than how you felt. Ah, who are you kidding? You shouldn't even think about it at all. Your screen went back to your list of contact names.

The one at the bottom you've been dreading to even lay your eyes upon appears into view. You didn't text or call her. Instead, you went into the detail view.

A button with red text held itself in place. Red was danger. Sure. It meant it was a risk and it needed you to go through a confirmation step first. But for you it was the opposite.

Block this contact?

Are you sure?

Finally after a moment of hesitation, you tap on 'Yes', and the name disappears. You had stopped your pacing long ago and now you stood in the middle of the living room, contemplating the option you chose. Just like that.

You had made your decision. It was time to let go a while ago. But something held you back. At least until the redhead came along, gently making herself at home within your heart.

Lucky stared at you as your shoulders went down, and you couldn't tell if it was in despair or relief. Maybe both. Asking her the question that shouldn't have been asked.

You shouldn't have done such a thing. You had messed up. A whole lot. Now you had nothing but yourself. Why did you even dare to?-- because you wouldn't want to get yourself stuck in something you feared would take yet another year's time to heal from.

Realisations after realisations were overcoming your head like a crow cawing at you to snap back into reality. Maybe a walk by yourself without interruptions did the trick after all.

You shook your head, going back to the couch, taking a seat that you definitely needed with everything happening. She's all thats been filling up your memories lately. So much, to the point that her hand prints were all over your soul.

You should call her up, but what if she hates you now? Considering the disappointment you've gotten before on a phone call, you had doubt poisoning all over your veins.

A sigh left your mouth for the hundreth time and you put your phone on the couch, setting it aside. You needed time, and she probably did too. Plus, if you continued any more, having just gotten over a single step of blocking a contact, you might as well faint if you even look at your messages with Nat.

Lucky rested his head on your leg, looking up at you knowingly as he felt your tiredness. Your hand settles on his fur, going through it gently.

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

Nat was staring at her phone as she walked outside, her teeth sunk into her lower lip. She's been pacing in front of her apartment, having just finished drinking some hot coffee at a nearby shop. She thought it would calm her, especially with the rain earlier and the cold night air.

But, it only made her energized, her mind going more aware. As coffee is supposed to do. Really, she should have just gotten tea or a hot chocolate and maybe she would have been fine.

She's been looking at your text messages, ones thats been sent days ago now. Neither of you had talked in so long. Or at least to her, it felt like centuries, ages. She hoped desperately to magically see a text appear from you of saying something, or perhaps that you'll appear at her apartment.

But there was nothing. It was a fault of two sides, neither was really in the wrong, but if neither said anything, it'll simply slowly die.

She felt your distance, and she knew your mind was possibly getting just as loud as hers was. She had to do something, and fast, or the negative possibilities of whatever could happen would become reality.

Her legs started walking continuously forward rather than pacing, deciding to go towards the apartment you were at. She stored her phone in her pocket, determined to get to you rather than let it sit any longer.

She could never possibly hate you. She wouldn't even if she could. The moon and stars had disappeared, the clouds having covered it up. She didn't need their company, anyway. But the rain did come along to be her company.

Great. It was heavy, and people outside retreated to nearby shops and restaurant. She didn't follow them. Thank god for her jacket, but it was still all the more freezing cold.

Her walking slowly speeds up. Then, the splashing of boots running across the sidewalk sounded out through the streets.

Red car lights were in the reflections of the road, blurred from the rain water. A horn sounded out somewhere, probably for a stubborn person looking at their phone as they sat at a stop light. But she couldn't bother to see what it was at all.

The redhead, getting hit by the rain from every angle as she pants, almost out of breath from all the steps she's taken. If the sole of her feet wasn't firm on the concrete, she probably would have slipped.

But, she gets closer with obstacles and needing to find her way through people before she soon arrives. She takes a couple deep breaths after breathing through gasps, her lungs absolutely getting a work-out from the running.

Nat swallows down the burn in her throat, slowly recollecting herself and standing up straighter. When she looks up at the windows of the apartment, the lights are on.

It means you're here.

You're home.

Nat walks close to the door, a little calmer now and her hand goes up hesitantly.

She knocks on the door, but an answer awaits for far too long. Too many seconds.

She looks at the doorbell button.

She presses it.

A ringing that goes through the house can be faintly heard, before some gentle footsteps grow louder, nearing towards the front door.

It opens, and she sees you.

You were blown away by the sight in front of you. Almost quite literally from how windy it was outside, too. Nat, drenched in the rain, and out of breath as if she ran all the way here, because she did. You were definitely going to faint now from the sudden appearance.

Yet, at the realization of the sight in front of you, the two of you having just stared at each other, your face instantly fills with worry and concern. "Gosh, Nat, what are you--"

"I love you!" she blurted out, cutting you off in your sentence. Her voice was determined as she stared at you in such a vulnerable way, her eyes wandering your face to see your emotions.

You stood there, as she kept getting drenched from the rain. She thought she lost it all because you had shock visible in your eyes. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe she shouldn't have-- But your gaze softened, and you stepped back slightly to let her in.

She steps in, a confused and curious expression on her face at your silence, but she lets you close the door before watching you turn around.

You went closer, your hands going to cup her cheeks as you leaned in until your lips softly touched. She had met you halfway, her own hands instinctively landing on your hips. Finally.

You could feel the cold rain on her lips before you pulled away slowly, but resting your forehead against hers, her breath warm against your skin.

"I love you, too," you whispered, but from how close you were to her, you didn't need to be any louder. Her heart had skipped a beat, and her lips raised up, absolutely in joy of your reply.

"We've switched roles...except you got the worse part," you let out a chuckle, tugging on the soaked jacket she was wearing that did nothing to protect her from the cold, until your eyes landed on her soft forest green eyes.

She gave you a soft smile, but her body shivered. Her boots were practically filled up with water, and the water dripped to the floor, but you didn't mind.

"Let's get you dried up," you said, going off to your bedroom to grab some towels for her. "Um--" She stood there for a moment, wondering if she should follow you or not.

"You can use my bathroom, come on." You urged her as you draped a towel over heer shoulders and went behind her to gently push her forward.

Her cheeks blush a pink tint, but she walks forward, going into your bedroom. As you were grabbing her some clothes, she took off her jacket, and pulled out her phone.

"Oh--" she pulled out the cassette player she brought from her apartment, pulling it out from her bag and placing it on your bed gently. Thankfully, it was dry and didn't get hit by the rain.

"I...fixed this up. It wasn't the belt. I mean, I replaced it anyway, but some parts had dirt covering them," she said, looking up to you as you walked back to her with a shirt and sweatpants in hand. You raised your eyebrows, intrigued at how she did it herself when you forgot.

It looked like it was brand new, shining brightly with the dim light with you inspecting it. You then went to grab a cassette tape from your shelves and your headphones to plug in, then you test it.

She had unfolded the t-shirt you got in the meanwhile, keeping herself occupied instead of just watching you. She held it up to her frame, seeing that it was just about the same size as hers.

You smiled softly, listening to the music and looking at her. "This sounds...amazing. You did good work in this." At that, her face lit up, and her smile reflected yours.

"Thank you," she said gently, putting the t-shirt back on the bed to wear later, her hands settling on the towel on her shoulder that kept her warm, even if its just a little.

"Now go, take a warm shower before you freeze to death or something." You gestured to the bathroom door, and she quietly giggled as she turned around, going off to shower.

Your gaze was adoring as you watched her go, then you went back to looking at the cassette player, shaking your head at the incredible handiwork she had.

Then, noticing the curtains of the apartment were still open while outside it was nighttime, you decide to go forward and close them, putting the cassette player down with your headphones. Of course, making sure you paused it rather than letting the music playing on its own.

Once done with the bedroom curtains, you gently shut the door on your way out to the living room, letting Nat have her privacy as you close the rest of the curtains.

One view of the windows though, had caught your attention. It was the larger window Kate had in her apartment, so it showed a perfect view of the sky and the city.

The night was starry now, the rain having settled down and the clouds dissipating. As you stood there admiring the moon and trying to figure out which white dot was a star and which one was a planet, Nat had come out the bedroom, wearing the clothes you gave her.

She stands beside you, gazing up and following the direction of your eyes. Nearly all the planets were shining in the sky, surprisingly enough.

Her hand gently intertwined with yours and her eyes fall back to you, a soft smile gracing her lips. Feeling the warmth of her hand had you turning to look at her, heat rising to your cheeks.

"Ты галактика (Ty galaktika)," she whispered, her free hand going up to gently cup your cheek, her love genuine in her eyes. You smiled softly, your heart jumping in joy.

"Does that mean galaxy?" You guessed gently and curiously, finally getting the chance to ask of one of her sentences you couldn't recognize.

She nodded gently, and then realized you still didn't know the full meaning. "It means you're the galaxy." She whispered, making your eyes widen and your lips part in surprise at the deep meaning, having thought it only meant one word.

You breathed out a chuckle before leaning in to gently capture her lips in a tender kiss, as if it was on instinct, a habit you had already developed naturally, when you haven't kissed each other ever since the first, or even seen each other in days.

But oh, you were depths upon depths in love with her. She returned the kiss, pouring her heart and soul into it, and your bodies fit each other like puzzle pieces.

Considering you were slowly moving towards your bedroom, you reached to the living room lamp when you were close enough, turning it off, knowing you wouldn't be going back into the room and Kate wasn't going to be home until tomorrow. Something about staying at her mom's? You didn't know, but you couldn't be bothered when your fingers entangled in red hair.

When the darkness grew, so did your passion. After a while though, you parted, pausing for a moment with your forehead rested against hers. You breathed in through the space between the two of you, your breaths colliding on skin and mixing.

"Does this make us..." You start in a whisper, but trail off, hesitant to say the word. The corners of her lips tug up in the meanwhile. It was time, and she was ready to jump into it with you.

"Lovers?" She suggests slowly, feeling your hand on her chest that rose and fell with her shallow breathing. You nod to her question, confirming that was what you wanted to say.

"Yes." She breathed out before her lips leaned in and continued to meet yours softly, her hand traveling from your waist up to your back. For the moment, the world only held the two of you.

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

You now laid against Nat comfortably on the bed, sitting in the dim lighting as the crickets quietly chirped in the background. You nuzzled into her neck for a moment as you wrapped your arms around her shoulders.

She gently rubbed her hand up and down your back, resting her cheek gently against the side of your head. You then turn your face out from the crook of her neck, looking up at the redhead.

Natasha smiled softly, her eyes meeting yours as she gazed into your loving eyes. She couldn't help but feel a sense of peace and happiness wash over her with someone, for the first time.

You shifted yourself by firmly gripping her shoulders and pushed yourself up, your legs on the sides of her hips as your hands went to cup both her cheeks.

"You're so pretty." You whisper softly, your thumb gently rubbing her soft skin as she stared at you, her smile growing wider.

"And you're..." She wanted to return the compliment, but paused, unable to find one that was completely perfect for you, because you were simply too gorgeous.

"ты красивая (ty krasivaya)," she then said, and you raise your eyebrows, but your heart was still beating with love for her, knowing it definitely meant something that

"...What does that mean?" You asked, tilting your head in curiosity. She giggled softly, noticing that you looked like Liho whenever she got curious.

"It means you're beautiful, моя любовь (moya lyubov)." She leaned in closer, keeping her eyes on yours. You loved how smoothly it comes from her lips.

"And that?" you ask. Even though you could guess, you wanted to make sure, and to hear her translate it into English for you only made you fall deeper for her.

She blushes slightly, but replies nonetheless. "My love," she whispers, shaking her head. She nuzzles her nose against yours when she leaned in closer, making you giggle softly.

"I love you," you said under your breath, feeling her hair gently tickle your fingers as you still had your hand cupped on her cheeks.

"I love you, too," she replies, going in for yet another kiss. You moved your hands down, wrapping around her neck once more.

Your heart was soft and your shoulders held little to no weight at all on them as you lay in this moment with her. It was as if nothing could lay a finger on either of you. You then pull back slightly, staring into her eyes.

"You know, your eyes are so green," you whispered softly, even though you've stared into them a thousand times. She blushes, but smiles.

"I can listen to your compliments all night if thats what you want," she commented, her voice raspy yet gentle. Her hand had gone under your shirt gently to trace gentle patterns on the skin of your back.

"I would very much love that," you said through another giggle, leaning ever so closer to her. You placed your hand on her chest, her heartbeat thumping against your palm as you settle beside her.

Nat pulls the covers up gently up the two of you, making sure you were warm and comfortable. Every touch of her hands held care and gentleness, making your heart swell.

She trails her hand off to your cheek, gently placing it on there. Your eyes flicker down to it, and you lean into her touch, smiling. She rubs her thumb in a slow back and forth motion.

Your eyelids slowly fell to a close, the gentle motion soothing you to sleep. The broken pieces of your shattered heart had been picked up, and she was careful enough to put it all back together.

end of chapter 12, and the end of this series. <3

Series Masterlist <- Chapter 11

In decision you'll hone, but you too shall run from the option you were given. Then find acceptance and it will be forsaken.

"All the things I didn't do for the sake of my mind." - R.

"All the things I shouldn't have done, but did anyway." - N.R

"...Everything I should have done." - W.M

---------------------

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[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 47

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

Damnit, Pidge by spirkylurkey

Pidge has some top-secret-classified-don't-tell-Keith-info that she accidentally lets slip to, you guessed it, Keith. Lance is an embarrassed mess. Keith isn't faring much better, to be honest.

this one made me LAUGH the way that this all pidge's fault and she's literally like. well. you shouldn't be so gay then. and she's right!! they're so dumb i love them

2. Operation: Faking It by @writeonclara

“What the hell, guys?” Pidge squawked, wrestling away from Matt. “Why are you pretending to be a couple?” Or: Matt and Lance pretend to be a couple because Shiro and Keith are clueless as hell.

do you guys remember shatt?? i remember shatt. adashi will always have my heart but shatt will literally always be funny bc ofc thats ur fic name. anyways. this fic is mostly klance but the entire concept is just so ridiculously goofy that u have to laugh. do you like lance and matt? do you like fake relationship to real relationship? do you like inverted tropes? do you like pining? do you like comedic jealousy? then this fic is well and truly for you because it has all that and more

3. all's well that ends well to end up with you by @coruscatingcatastrophe

Keith's jacket gets ruined, so Lance decides to be a good Samaritan and give him his. This is the beginning of the end.

megan's fic literally make me want to eat cement i'm so serious. i've read and been obsessed with TONS of her stuff but this one???? this fucking one???? oh god the slowburn kills me. the blossoming realisation that oh god we've been dating this whole time huh. the CHIVALRY...............a romance novel in the truest of senses and i am going to fry

4. as long as it won't separate you from me (i'll be fine) by @coruscatingcatastrophe

A little intrigued—not that she’d ever admit it—Pidge begins to climb the stairs. But before she even reaches halfway, the door—slams shut. All on its own, or so it seems. Pidge pauses, brows creasing in confusion, as she turns to look down at her dog. “Did you see that?” she asks. Peculiarly, she notes that Bae Bae’s fur is bristled, and he growls at the door before barking twice. That’s weird. Bae Bae never growls. Turning back to the door, Pidge feels unsettled, but she tells herself not to jump to ridiculous conclusions. There’s a logical explanation for everything. Maybe there was a gust of wind from the air conditioner, or the doorframe isn’t level. Whatever it is, she’s going to figure it out. - Or, a Beetlejuice au (kind of). Pidge isn't a fan of her new house, Lance and Keith are the ghosts haunting her attic, and together they hatch a plot to convince Shiro and Adam to skedaddle out of the house. There may be demon summoning involved. But seriously, Adam. Getting your hair set on fire really isn't that bad.

HAPPY (late) HALLOWEEN!!! ive been thinking about this fic all october and finally let myself reread it. ive never loved beetlejuice more than when i read this. it's so fun!! so interesting!! pidge gets a chance to shine!! klance are so!!! the way it had the story of beetlejuice but adapted well!! im!!

5. never thought i'd see the day in my life by @coruscatingcatastrophe

But Keith has somehow gone even paler in the short amount of time he’s been at the table, and he shakes his head. “No, something is . . .” His gaze flickers back to Lance, and he’s startled to find that Keith’s eyes are purple. They’ve got to be contacts. Ridiculous. As if the mullet and gloves and personality weren’t enough. Keith pushes away from the table abruptly, looking incredibly put-off now. “I, uh—gotta go,” he mutters, before angrily gathering up the backpack he’d dropped into the chair next to him and storming out of the cafeteria. “Huh,” Hunk says. “Well, that introduction could have gone a bit better. Don’t take it personally though; sometimes Keith’s just like that.” - Or, a Twilight au starring Lance as Bella, Keith as Edward, and the rest of the Voltron gang as themselves. Lance is insufferable, Keith is awkwardly trying to figure out why Lance is the way he is, and along the way they fall in love, or something. It's probably, definitely the best love story since Twilight itself.

now ive never read twilight and i refuse to on principle. but i didn't find this one creepy and instead it was super fun and dweeby and lance is indeed a ray of sunshine, thank you megan for noticing, and it turns out when the story isn't a hetero mormon wet dream it's actually a good time!!

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

[nkyslover]

ateez as boyfies.

mar's notes! jus a whole bunch of wholesome fluff, ts my first post in AGES, b nice every1 and enjoy! <3 (this isnt THAT detailed ok, i tried my best<3). I GOT KINDA CARRIED AWAY IN WOOYOUNGS-

hongjoong . . .

he the sweetest man ever!! we luv hongjoong. hes SO perfect. he's like the man who u have an option to either get w, or regret not choosing him fo the rest of yo life. he puts sososo much effort into making u happy bc ur like, the joy in his life, his lil sunshine and he ADORES u, so much. move nights and late night cuddlin is defo his fav thing to do w u, not to mention him bringing gifts whenever he gets to see u !!

seonghwa . . .

yall know, hes literally malewife. as a bf, he would definitely make sure ur okay like allll around the clock. he cooks for u, he'd make sure u guys eat TOGETHER. he'd keep u company all the time ofc, even if he has a tough schedule he still b like "come w me :<" hes tha clingy cute perfect boyfie we all need.

mingi . . .

often he finds himself singing to u, rapping small verses or even some sentences he feels like singing, bc GOD who would even complain hearing song mingi sing? he'd let u dye his hair whatever color u'd want, often go shopping w u and spoiling u and then showing that cute grin on his face whenever he'd make u flustered infront of other people. we heart mingi, honestly.

yunho . . .

ok so hes big man right? hes tall, hes cute, hes like got the most cute and clumsy and loving personality. this man will definitely cuddle u late at night or whenever he'd come back from rehearsals or sumf. he ALWAYS finds a way to make u nervous, for example: hes taller than you so he'd cower over you when hes asking for something or wanting to sprinkle a lil bit of playfulness into the situation. the lesson is that yunho is puuuuurrrrrfect!

jongho . . .

wakes you up by humming small tunes into your ear, if your mad at that u clearly shouldnt even be thinking of that bro. flashes that smile that has you literally KICKING YOUR FEETS. its absolutely atrocious the amount of smiling this man has me actually doing whenever im watching his lil moments or something. he'd defo take loads of couple goals pictures with you, wear matching outfits. "jongho, can we buy matching beanies?" "baby buy them, you know i'll wear it anyways ^^" epitome of baby. ^^

yeosang . . .

HE BRINGS U TO GYM WITH HIM. and he even helps u with the equipment, and when after you guys go to a cute cafe to grab some food, sitting in the corner and discussing your plans together, overall deciding on staying at home all day to just do coupley things ofc. he lets u do his hair, vice verse as he likes to always play with ur hair and run his fingers through it wording "ur hair is so soft :o." no but IMAGINE OK, but i should stop before i get too carried away..

choi san . . .

another malewife. ok so like insert scenario that ur ill, havin bedrest n shi. HE DECIDED TO STAY W U ALLLLL DAY. he doesnt care if he catches the cold off u bc he js wants to b there for u because he cares and loves u sm !! hes the typa bf to surpise u in every way w bracelets, matchin stuff, makeup, and even small gifts. he js wants to see his pretty princess smilin. he also takes u to gym w him ofc, he cant even think abt not bringing u. end of convo bc im gonna get too carried away likewise w yeosangs. :(

wooyoung . . .

idk why ok but he gives off enemies to lovers typa beat. like he would be battling w u at first and then be heads over heels, and when u FINALLY get together after some plan of friends, u realise that hes literally AMAZING. yes he probably is playful, mostly probably teases alot ngl, but thats his way of showin his love. he absolutely adores u, even if u guys are havin a competition, you always get reminded u got the most loving n best boyfie in the whole wide world. ALSO bonus he buys u so many flowers ur garden is HOARDED in the amount of flowers, he gotta clean all of it up w u, giggling when he realises how cute you look when ur mad and pulls u into a kiss, eventually forgetting about the overload of pretty flowers in ur garden.

[skatingbi]

WELCOME TO PART 3 OF MY SANJI WITH HETEROCHROMIA SERIES!!!!

Oh my god. Yall are insane. 700+ Notes for part one of this series alone is crazy (Crazy? I was- *gets shot*). So heres part 3. I'll probably have to publish all this onto AO3 soon bc shits getting outta hand, but I like posting on this silly little site so I'll still be posting on here.

Uhhh this was posted WAY later than I anticipated bc i had a gnarly depressive episode and had to enroll into uni, but there aint no way id abandon this series, its too fun and i love experimenting with my baby writing style as i call it.

Okay thats it, just thank u all sm for enjoying my silly little series :) u guys are so sweet!!

P.S. Constructive criticism is OKAY! I havent written fanfic in like...10 years so since middle school. Im a baby at this and I understand if I may have several errors so pls lemme know if theres grammar mistakes!

Sanji With Heterochromia Series Part 3 below 🔻

Sanji lied. He does like the idiot. More than he's willing to admit. A few days after their conversation, Zoro distances himself. It leaves a nasty feeling in his gut similar to nausea but different from actually wanting to throw up. It feels apprehensive. He's waiting for something, but he doesn't know what yet. Sanji hates it. He hates how confused he is and how much he actually wants Zoro to touch him again. He hates the burning linger of scarred knuckles on his cheekbone that follows him wherever he goes.

He hates these feelings because he never learned how to really process them. He doesn't know if he has to blame himself, his shitty excuse of a father, or Zeff. Well, maybe not Zeff. The old man had enough on his plate while raising him as it was. Sanji decides to blame it on Judge because honestly, the root of most of his issues stems from that shitty old man anyway. Placing the blame on someone does little to actually help, but it's a distraction from his growing realization of how much he cares for Zoro.

He cares for Zoro. No, he holds an unreasonable amount of affection for the scarred swordsman that haunts his thoughts now more than ever. Fuck questioning sexuality when it's undeniable that he's absolutely whipped for the big idiot. Theres no room for denial anymore, not when his touch had become branded across Sanji's skin for the foreseeable future.

Stress cooking does little to soothe him and it's the same with smoking. At least Luffy gets to enjoy snacks to his hearts content. Its the little things, he tries to tell himself. He also reflects on his conversation with Zoro. How he honestly felt afraid of what he felt when the swordsman confronted him. He felt afraid of someone genuinely caring for his emotional wellbeing. He's anxious over what that means, what it would do to him if Zoro truely meant what he said. All the things voiced about him and the implications that he's...handsome in the eyes of Zoro.

Sanji is emotional. It comes with him being sentimental as well. He's the black sheep of his biological family in every way. He loved too hard, and got hurt too fast. He loved even when it ended in betrayal. Secretly, he loves unconditionally. What would happen if he loved Zoro like that, and what if it already happened and he's too late to stop it? Would Zoro hurt him just like everyone else has? Would he be pushed away eventually after the thrill of their theoretical short lived relationship?

It keeps him up at night, that conversation replaying in his head as he stares at Zoro's sleeping silhouette. He falls asleep to his breathing, echoing throughout the room over everyone else's breath and snores. He wakes up every morning before the sun greets him and pretends nothing happened in his dreams where Zoro's gentle touch and admiration lingers softly over his mind.

Zoro knows. Well, not exactly. He's not a mind reader like how Luffy seems to be, but he knows that distancing himself from Sanji is actually doing the opposite of what he thought it would do. At this point, the swordsman isnt sure where to go from here.

Sanji's actions contradict his words. Sanji stares at Zoro. Not so much that it's s uncomfortable but it's enough to be noticeable. Sometimes he swears he can see Sanji's eyes dart across his face and down to his lips before looking away. It's confusing. Didnt Sanji hate Zoro's advances towards him? Because thats what they were in hindsight.

Zoro was unconciously flirting with the cook in his own weird way. And yeah, he's a little stupid for not realizing the implications behind his actions at first, but it all started as genuine curiosity. He didnt mean for it to affect their rivalry. Now, he's not sure where to go from here.

It's driven him between a rock and a hard place and unforfunately for him, Nami decides to intervene again. This time, Nami drags Zoro to her and Robin's shared room on the Sunny for privacy and possibly interrogation. He's certain that this time he wont be able to escape. Unfortunate.

"Okay, so heres how this is gonna go," Zoro and Nami are now seated across from each other, where theres two beds and enough room for decent sized dressers on each side. Zoro sits on what he assums is Robin's bed with his arms crossed, "You will tell me everything- And i mean it! I will know if youre lying -and I will help you. Im sick and tired of you both being miserable and gay! It's giving everyone second hand embaressment." She demands, narrowing her eyes with a challenge for Zoro to protest or say no.

Zoro is smart enough to know what is and isn't a losing battle. This is one of those. Nami can be terrifyingly persistent once she sets her mind on something, and today it seems to be resolving the weird and awkward tension between him and Sanji. The swordsman resigns himself to his fate quickly and prepares himself to be trapped here on Robin's bed for the foreseeable future.

"Fine witch," Zoro sighs, "But if you tell anyone I will not be responsible for my actions." He huffs out in acceptance for his inevitable interrogation.

"Oh please like that'll actually scare me. Plus besties never snitch." Nami rolls her eyes. She gets comfortable on her bed and look at zoro expectantly. He rolls his eyes and relaxes his posture a bit.

Zoro starts talking, beginning with the first instance of his realization of Sanji having dual colored eyes, leaving out a lot of "unimportant" details. He mentions the second, and the third instance, and their conversation from a few days ago and how he tried to respect Sanji's establishment of a boundary and how he's confused now that Sanji stares at him. Nami listens with her chin resting on her fist and nodding along the way, surprisingly not interrupting once. He finishes speaking and he knows his face is red with embaressment, but he feigns nonchalance and waits for Nami's input.

"Zoro," Nami sighs, "Youre the dumbest bitch I know." She says while giving the man a look of sympathy, but not one that actually means it. More like the look of someone who is so incredibly done with your shit that they have no choice but to tell you so.

"What the fuck, Nami!? Im not dumb!" The swordsman retorts loudly.

"Anyways," his best friend ignores his arguing in favor of getting to the task at hand, "Luckily, this is fixable. For making the entire crew feel awkward for two weeks, I'm adding a 200 percent tax increase to your debt." She smiles mischeviously, and thats when Zoro realizes that one, he's never getting out of debt, and two, he's been forced to accept Nami's help in unfucking up his unconcious attempts to flirt with Sanji.

"First order of business is that you have absolutely no game." Nami begins with a shit eating grin to match the absolutely insulting statement. Zoro briefly reconsiders their friendship.

"Shut the fuck up I obviously do." He rolls his eyes. Nami gives him the look. The one where her eyebrows are raised and her chin is tilted down slightly, matching the frown. It's that look she makes when she's trying to say 'Are you sure?' or 'Reconsider what you just said.' and it grates at Zoro's already increasing agitation.

He decides not to entertain her with a reply.

"Anyway," Nami sighs, massaging the space between her eyes with her thumb and forefinger to stave off a growing headache, "Im teaching you how to flirt. No, you cannot work out in front of Sanji- dont give me that look you muscle brained idiot!" She says while looking at Zoro's ever increasing looks of annoyance and audacity, because first of all, no he definitely was not going to do that, and second of all, it could hypothetically work. Probably.

"Fine," He huffs. He'll let the witch do whatever. It's not like theres anyone else he can talk to on the ship about this anyway, "No promises that I'll actually do what you tell me."

"Fucking- oh my god why am I friends with you?!" Nami complains before flopping down on her bed, groaning loudly at Zoro's malicious cooperation. Zoro basks in the momentary power he has in this situation.

For the next few hours, Nami allows Zoro to stay in the womens quarters for the sole purpose of learning how to actually flirt. He's not sure if shes a reliable source, being a lesbian and also having a girlfriend already, but if he voiced this opinion out loud the redhead would probably kick him out. He only restrains himself because this room is the only one so far where he feels the least amount of awkwardness regarding his situation with Sanji.

Robin stops by every now and then and gives him a smile. It doesnt make him feel very comfortable but it's the thought that counts. She doesnt say anything about him being there, anyway. He makes an effort to at least not lay on the bed he's sitting on, though. He may be lazy but he does hold enough respect for the women in the crew to not fuck with their shared safe space.

Suddenly, it's the evening and dinner is around the corner. Nami shoves a barely enlightened mossy swordsman out of the womens bedroom to finally be free of that headache. Also known as a crash course to flirting with your rival/friend/whatever the fuck else they got going on.

Zoro makes his way to the gallery, taking his time to look out and observe the oncoming sunset that bathes the sky in shades of pink, orange, blue, and yellow. It would be a pretty sight to fall asleep to, he thinks, but the cook would kick his ass off the ship if he decides to sleep through dinner again.

Entering the gallery, everyone except Nami is already there. She's right behind him a second later and taking her seat at the kitchen table.

Numerous conversations are heard as food is served. Franky and Usopp are wildly talking about different types of projectiles the sunny could use, Nami and robin are talking amongst each other in low voices, giggling in between sentences. Chopper and luffy are laughing together, and Zoro goes to sit next to luffy like he usually does. Just as he sits down, the cook lands a kick to his mid back, making Zoro scowl.

"The fucks that for!?"

Sanji rolls his eyes while placing plates of food down for the crew, "For being late, dumbass."

"Nami is late too!"

"And? She'd never be late on purpose, Marimo." as Sanji speaks, he dodges the hilt of Zoro's sword to his side instinctively and has the audacity to give a cheeky grin.

Dinner passes by normally. Everyone's loud conversations meld together gradually and soon everyone except Sanji and Zoro leave. Zoro takes his usual spot beside the cook, drying dishes and leaving them on a towel afterwards so they can both put them away.

Zoro has half the mind to bring up Sanji's staring, but decides against it. It leaves the air silent, neither him nor Sanji speaking up as they finish their side work for the night. Even then, Zoro's unable to speak when Sanji immediately leaves afterwards without a word.

The kitchen feels empty without their bickering, and Zoro is determined to bring that life back into it. He just needs to figure out how.

Despite Nami's advice, Zoro has an idea. If the idiot cook doesnt see what he sees (His pretty face first of all, but Zoro thinks of his strength too. How Sanji easiely brushes off conflict like it's nothing despite the injuries that'll heal far faster than his own), then he'll make him see it. Frilly words never were Zoro's style, anyways.

One night before they all go to sleep and Zoro takes night watch, he corners the blond in the bathroom. Nami would probably be kicking his ass because of his timing, but a mirror is needed for his plan to work and the bathroom is the only place with one other than the women's bedroom.

When Zoro enters, Sanji turns to look at him before going back to washing his hair, his back towards Zoro. "Leave me alone, Moss, I'm im not in the fuckin mood," He grumbles to Zoro, who stands there waiting for Sanji to stop talking.

"Nope, I need a mirror for this and for you to listen for five minutes." Zoro replies, and when Sanji turns to argue his protests are gone from his lips when he sees a look of determination. Confused, annoyed, and also curious, Sanji doesn't reply.

Zoro walks up to Sanji until he's standing right behind him. The swordsman moves to kneel so they're relatively at the same height, but the stool makes Sanji slightly taller as he sits there and eyes Zoro warily.

"Whats going on with you, Moss? I'm trying to wash my hair." Sanji says, and Zoro can tell an insult dies on his tongue when he places his hands on Sanji's shoulders.

Zoro turns Sanji in front of the mirrior in the bathroom, the stool Sanji is seated on creaking lightly and scratching against the tile. Sanji remains speechless, still unable to brush off Zoro's palms on his bare shoulders like how he'd usually do.

"Tell me what you see, cook" He says, uncharacteristically soft underneath the edge his voice always seems to have. Sanji flinches when the swordsman's calloused hands tuck his frings behind his ear, displaying his face to them both.

"What the hell is up with you? Did Luffy hit your head too hard?" Sanji furrows his eyebrows at the mirror and looks at Zoro. Zoro huffs and rolls his eyes.

"Just tell me what you see about yourself, shit cook, I'll leave ya alone after or whatever." He grumbles back, the baritone of his voice vibrates against Sanji's back. It reminds him of Zoro's compliment, his face too close to his while they stand on the deck of the Sunny just days ago. He chooses to ignore how it makes him shiver.

He looks at himself in the mirror, and his first instinct is to look away. Zoro, being the perceptive bastard that he is, notices and squeezes his shoulders in a way thats strangely reassuring.

"It doesnt have to be fancy, cook, I know you like to use big words 'n shit so don't make your brain fuckin explode." Sanji bristles a bit at that but bites back a nasty insult so he can entertain Zoro's weird exercise on his own self reflection.

In the mirror he always sees his mom at first, but with both eyes uncovered and his hair pushed back for once, he sees himself. The first thing he sees is his eyebrows and eyes. He decides not to bring up his eyebrows.

"Well, for your information I see my eyes, but you already know that."

Zoro stays silent, and Sanji shuffles in his seat. He's suddenly aware he was literally in the middle of rinsing his hair of shampoo a few minutes ago and the entire situation is both awkward and uncharacteristic of Zoro in multiple ways. It's out of character, and he should have kicked out the moss ball when he had the chance, but now in the too small bathroom of the Sunny he feels like it's only him and Zoro. It leaves a weightless feeling in his chest, settling in with the creeping anxiety of looking at his own reflection. The contrasting feelings make him hesitate before he speaks.

"I see.." He hesitates, not knowing exactly what Zoro is getting from this or what he wants to hear, "My eyebrows, I guess. Wait, you've never seen both at once." Sanji chuckles at that, because his eyebrows are certainly something. The curl points in the same direction, but it's unnoticeable with how he wears his hair.

"Yeah, they're weird as fuck." Zoro mumbles, and the blond has to laugh or else the swordsman's voice would get to his head.

"Okay, I also see freckles. Those are new. Only started showing up when I joined you all." And Sanji now notices how the freckles cluster on the bridge of his nose, his cheekbones, and his shoulders. They're scattered everywhere else on his body.

Sanji starts to realize the point of Zoro's questioning now. He looks at the fogged mirror, just visible enough to notice how his blush not only spreads across his cheeks but also down his neck. Embarrassing. This whole situation is embarrassing not only because of where they are but also because he's realizing that Zoro is trying to make a point that is too close to unearthing his insecurities. He would have expected this from Luffy, but sometimes he forgets how Zoro's intelligence is masked behind his swordsmanship and how much he sleeps during the day.

And he's naked, but honestly thats the least of his problems at the moment.

"I see my hair, I guess?" Sanji tries to only focus on his face. Its not easier, but it also sets up a mental boundary. Zoro hums, looking at Sanji through the mirror. Sanji hesitates before speaking again, "My hair is actually wavy," He thinks about his mom's wavy blonde hair, and how he always thought it looked pretty even before she passed, "Its damaged, though. Straightened to hell and back with one of those hot combs."

Sanji thinks back to the hot combs. They were old as shit, the kind that needed to be heated up with a flame. The memories make him chuckle a bit, and Zoro smiles back. The same smile he wore when they sparred on the deck, with his dimples visible yet again to confirm to Sanji that he does have them.

His smile makes his heart skip a beat, like drums he'd hear in one of those old instrumental CDs he kept in his room as a kid. Before he has the chance to back away, to push Zoro out the door and forget this ever happened, Zoro straightens his back again.

He turns in his stool to look up at Zoro and he's not sure what the swordsman sees right now, but he's afraid to ask as his gaze is soft. So damn soft as he looks at him and his hand reaches again to pull his hair hair back over his eye like it was before. Stringy strands of heat damaged locks fall back into place.

Then he leaves. He just...leaves. The damn idiot just turns around and walks out the door like nothing even happened.

Thats the second time this has happened yet the first where Sanji is the one on the receiving end of it, and it makes him grab his towel to bunch it up in his fists and let out a scream into it as he processes everything. He processes how he was forced to notice how Zoro looked at him, and it was Zoro's own weird fucking way of saying "You're beautiful".

"He's so fucking ridiculous oh my god.." Sanji mumbles into the towel. His hair routine is officially long forgotten.

[vacancy-virtues]

I have an idea! I’m always a total suck for hero x villain stuff, and power dynamics.

So how about this: hero and villain have regularly been fighting each other, and it’s always either ended up in a tie, or with the hero winning and arresting the villain, who escaped soon after.

Lots of banter, etc.

Now, for the first time ever, villain managed to defeat hero, taking them prisoner. They enjoy this immensely, making hero kneel for them, etc. To them it’s just a continuation of their usual dynamic and banter. A bit of payback (and also enjoying the view).

Hero however, is genuinely scared about being at villains mercy, because that never happened before and they don’t know what to expect. Villain enjoys the whole thing right up until they realise hero is genuinely afraid of them, thinking the might hurt or kill them.

(I’m sorry if that is too detailed, I’ve never done this before XD. Feel free to leave out or add whatever you want)

Greetings!

There is no such thing as "too detailed" on this page regarding asks! The more material I have to work with, the more I'll be able to write. 'Twas a brilliant idea, and I hope you enjoy the interpretation I have of it.

Your dutiful writer,

Enjoy <3

XXX

#5- "A Change of Pace

Battles shared semblance to a waltz in which Hero was always the lead. Villain either made it out by the skin on their teeth or had to pitifully look up from their cell at Hero to watch them gloat. They knew it never lasted for long. No matter the cell Hero confined Villain in, they and their crew always found a way to bypass security to scheme another day.

The two had been at one others heels for years, and today seemed just like any other day. Intel was able to intercept a delivery authorization by one of Villains' crew members for a hefty amount of radioactive material. It would be likely Villain would be stationed not too far from the drop zone. It seemed too easy, but it was routine after all.

Hero wasted no time in setting up their stake-out by the time the trucks were arriving at the drop point. They remained tucked atop a rooftop behind a vent exhaust. Through their binoculars, they scanned the various windows among the city buildings. Some aglow with warm lights contrasting the cool luminescence of the street lights below. The radio communications of their ear piece were distorted, but their radiation detector hadn't been going off from their position.

"Isn't it just a lovely view?"

As Hero twisted their body to meet the source of the voice, they stopped upon hearing the sound of a rotating chamber and the sight of Villain holding a gun towards them. Their composure was collected and calm, which wasn't much different than their usual cockiness. It was a surprise, sure, but it didn't matter they were up there. It wasn't like they hadn't given each other a few black eyes and split lips, so if Hero needed to fight this one out, they could manage until back-up came.

"Well, a second ago yes, but now I'm not so sure." Hero said, raising their hands up slowly.

"Oh, surely you don't mean that Hero," Villain jutted their gun up briefly, gesturing Hero to stand, which they did. "Deep down you know you love our little ren-dez-vous~"

Hero glanced behind them, hearing the sound of barreling trucks down the alleyways. The familiar smug grin which quirked the corner of Villains' lips, caught Heros eye and they shrugged their shoulders a little, returning a grin.

"Look, I get that you're toxic, but this is taking it a little too far, Villain."

"Well, thats rude," Villain took a step forward, gun still locked on the other just as their eyes were. "But I have no idea what you're talking about. Turn around, take a look."

Villains tone made Heros stomach twitch in discomfort. It didn't help how intently they held their gun either, but at least after all these years they picked up a thing or two from Hero; one being the proper way to hold a gun so someone can't kick it from your grasp.

The other being Villain finally learned was to have the upper hand. With visible hesitance, Hero picked up their binoculars to better see the drop sight. It was to their horror to see Villains crew pulling tarps off the covered back, revealing no cargo in any of the vehicles. No crates. No sacks or odd-glowing tubes. When they looked to Villain again, several red dots littered Hero's body, and the panic started to sink in a bit.

"But, Intel-"

"Discovered plans of a radium delivery?" Villain sighed, feigning a heartbroken look. "Hero, I thought you surely knew by now after how long its been,"

From within the scarf Villain wore around their neck, they pulled up a respirator. Heros mind was racing. What was it they could have missed? The exact location, parameter setting, time, and plate numbers were all there. Their eyes fell, and Villain paused for a moment to sigh before nudging the gun just below their chin to raise their head.

"I don't do business on my birthday."

Villain lifted their mask, and Hero heard something click onto the pavement. A purple plume of smoke enveloped the two. Their mind was grew hazy, and their limbs got heavy. Hero blinked, and next they realized it, they were on the ground.

"It doesn't make any sense.." Hero managed out, pulling themselves back towards the ledge the best they could.

"One of your little bugs missed the cancellation call I put in. None of you realized it, and I saw... an opportunity." Villain knelt down in front of them, a hand snaking through Heros locks only to pull it sharply upwards.

"If you don't work..." Hero hissed out, trying to intake some of untainted air. "Then what is this?"

Villain could only smile as they leaned in, tapping the end of the gun against Heros chin. They moved in slowly, or that is what they assumed. Everything moved a half-second behind and was only increasing in increments as Hero was exposed to the smoke bomb.

"Pleasure." Villain all but purred near their ear.

With a sharp yank, Hero went hurdling into the wafts of smoke. It scorched their throat before it burned their lungs. One ear, they could hear the hiss of the static from the earbud. In the other, the hiss of the spraying smoke bomb. Hero could hardly make out what went wrong, especially in the state they were in now. They at least knew there was no Intel to call out to, and no back-up coming for them.

As Heros vision faded, the last thing they saw was Villain kneeling atop of them with a satisfied smile behind the respirator. For the first time in however long Villain and Hero had been at it, Hero was bested. Despite the incapacitated state, there was a growing fear of what Villain had in store after all these years.

+++

When Hero awoke, it took a while to absorb their surroundings. The windows were bright but not because of light but because of the heavy fall of snow outside. Hero laid atop a deep red, ornate rug set in front of the large fireplace with stone inlays of various colors. The hearth was aglow with a roaring fire which lit up the inside of the cabin.

As their eyes focused on the walls, it was a nauseating realization that there were no portraits on the wall but various mounted animals. All walks of the food chain, from wolves and hawks to sheep and deer, decorated the walls.

In attempts to sit up, Hero realized they were bound. While yes, it wasn't like they would be free range at all, but Hero thought it excessive to bind not only their ankles to their wrists, but to bind both to a rope around their neck to prevent further struggle. Hero waited a moment to let their senses come back to them and not be embarrassed over being hog-tied on a cabin floor surrounded by dead animals.

It didn't take long to hear the thud of boots crossing the wood and softening on the carpet in front of them. As slow as they were, it didn't compare to the steady rise in heart rate Hero felt. Just because Villain had been caught in the past or had plans interrupted didn't mean they couldn't have still worked on something Hero missed somehow. Obviously, a cabin in the middle of nowhere was one of those plans.

"Oh, look at you, a bow and everything..." Villain cooed, slipping three fingers under the rope around their neck to hoist them up on their knees. They adjusted the ropes behind Hero, which loosened the pressure on their neck only slightly.

A dark apron covered Villains shirt, and their hands were poorly washed of blood from whatever it was they were doing in the kitchen. The side-effects from the smoke bomb kept their limbs weighed down like lead, and their head pounded with questions. Luckily, Villain was prompt to handle the latter.

"Do you like it? The cabin?"

"This all seems a bit.. primitive." Hero drowsily responded.

"Call me old-fashioned, I suppose. The snowstorm outside makes it impossible for your team to scope out in terrain recon or aerial surveillance, and you'll surely die out there if you try to escape."

There was a brief moment Hero felt the urge to try at an escape, yet with the upward motion, strain was put on their throat. With a strangled gasp, Hero was forced to settle back on their knees. All the while, Villain circled their victim like a shark in water, footfalls slow and deliberate before they knelt in front of Hero, their lips curled into that damned dastardly smile.

"And far away from anyone who may hear you scream. Unlike my crew, no one is coming for you, Hero."

From Villains hip, a long blade with a pronounced gut hook at the end and a dark leather handle came into view. They've had their shoot-outs, but they knew the two missed each other on purpose (most times). They've had their brawls but still left the other standing to fight another day. However, this was a new leverage Villain had, and it wasn't the heat of the fireplace making Hero perspire. It was pure fear, and it reflected back to them in the blade of the knife.

"Do you know how long I've waited for this?" Villain began, bringing the edge of the blade dangerously close to their throat. "To have you humiliated before me? I've spent years dreaming of how I'd have you at my feet, begging for your life to an unanswering god."

The spark behind Villains eyes made Heros blood run cold. They'd never seen Villain like this before. The bindings around their wrists and ankles offered no give, and any shift of their current position threatened to weigh on their windpipe. The blade edge was sharp enough to cause a paper cut-like string on their neck. So many things went wrong that Hero felt out of depth with what to do and what to expect from Villain.

"P-please.." Was all Hero managed, their voice raspy from the smoke and barely a whisper.

"Please?" Villain echoed in daunting amusement. "Oh, Hero, how the mighty do fall!"

The laugh that echoed in the room felt closer to derangement, and Hero visibly flinched at the volume. Before they knew it, a burn stung their eyes, and their vision blurred and skewed the sight of Villain with fat, hot tears.

Something about the reaction shot down Villain from their victory high. Here, they thought they'd be able to rub their success in their face, to finally show Hero what it was like to seep in their own failures. They thought the victory would be sweet, yet the sight of the true fear Hero held in their eyes left a bitter taste in Villains' mouth. Even with how long they'd been doing this, Villain never truly feared Hero.

Villain had never seen this side of Hero before.

The hook of the blade near Heros throat snugged itself under the rope before it was severed completely. Hero let go of a breath they didn't realize they were holding. After a moment, Hero watched as Villain stood and took off their apron, revealing a crisp white button up and fine dress pants.

"Get up."

"W... what?" They stammered out. With the rope now cut, the restraints seemingly fell apart as Hero moved their wrists.

"Dinner is going to be ready soon, and I figure you'd want to change." Villain said as they casually rolled their sleeves up.

As if they weren't confused before, they just stared at the other in awe and disbelief at the sudden change of heart to cut Hero loose.

"What.. You're not going to kill me..?"

"Not yet, no. I told you I don't do business on my birthday." There was a pause. "Even a belated one. It did take a couple days to get out here."

"Then.." Hero looked about the cabin, the attire, the undeniable smell of something cooking in the kitchen. "You kidnapped me to have dinner?"

There was a flash of that damned grin and an innocent shrug of the shoulders.

"Ah, a birthday dinner, and it's not like you would have made reservations. I mean, you hardly remembered! And you never have a day off, so I simply took matters into my own hands when the opportunity saw fit." Villain held a hand out to Hero, which they hesitantly took.

Hero still hadn't quite moved past the concept they thought they'd be gutted and stuffed a moment ago. The hand which took Heros pulled them close, another arm wrapping about their waist. The cologne Villain wore was subtle, but enough to bring a bit of ease in their shoulders.

"It's quiet here, and warm and away from everything and everyone.. no cameras or recorders, just us.." Villain said, their voice gentle. "Tomorrow you can stumble upon the ski mobile in the garage and be gone before the suns up, and that'd be fine just.. can we have tonight?"

Hero pulled back a bit to look up at Villain with surprise and perplexity. Yet, the look Villain wore resembled closer to remorse than anything. Villains hand gingerly cupped their jaw, a thumb caressing over their cheek. They'd been doing this for years after all, perhaps they did need a change of pace.

"Okay, Villain.." Hero said before the relief allowed a smile of their own to cross their lips. "It's only fair for forgetting such an important holiday."

"I'm glad you can see reason," Villain teased before their expression softened and pulled Hero back into their arms. "And.. I'm sorry for scaring you for you to see that."

The words held Hero like Villains arms did. With a soft sigh, Hero shook their head against their shoulder. At least now, there would be no way to underestimate Villain.

"Maybe I needed my life threatened to convince me that a break won't be what kills me." Hero quipped.

The air had lightened, and the dinner Villain carefully prepared for them was decadent and filling. The drink warmed them from the inside, and when they went to bed, their bodies did an even better job at fighting the cold off together. When the morning came and the light streamed in through the window, Villain was surprised to feel the weight of Hero still on their bare chest.

"You're still here.." Villain said, not quite as a question but more in surprise.

"Mm... it's too cold to go out..." Hero muttered, still not quite awake.

Villain smiled and pulled the blankets over them more, nuzzling contently into Heros hair. The snowfall had long since stopped, leaving glistening icicles to catch the sunlight outside the window.

"I know.." A soft kiss fell on Heros head.

Hero looked up at them with bleary eyes, barely able to process the fact Villain even planned that, before they gave a defeated smile and rested back on Villains chest.

"Happy birthday, Villain."

With a gentle kiss, the two shared the quiet morning together, wrapped up in one another until Villain found themselves lulled back to sleep by Heros calm breathing.

[the-6th-harbringer]

PLEASE READ

Hey. So. It's been a. while.

trigger warning: referenced suicide

So, if you haven't noticed, I literally evaporated for two weeks straight without any clarification on why or sign of actually being alive, unlike my last two week disappearance. Unfortunately, this unexpected evaporation does not come with a big "ooh more trauma more lore and angst for scara" thing.

This just happens to be my goodbye post.

I know, it's weird and kind of rude for me to dip for two weeks and then reappear like "hey fuckers im QUITTING hAHaA". Buuuut not only was my dad being annoying and hogging my laptop, I also barely have had time to myself for the past weeks. New family members have been introduced into my life, so now I have double the amount of little siblings to look after. (from 3 to 6. dont ask "how" thats a personal thing). juggling that with school, social stuff, fucking exams which are coming up in 3 months of my gOD, and other even more personal demons that I've been battling, its been. a lot.

SO, to make sure I do not pull the same move as Scaramouche did on the last day of his sakurarealm torture(iykyk), I'm taking a leave from tumblr. Don't know how long I'll be gone, don't know if I'll ever be back, but I didn't just wanna quit without at least telling you guys so you don't think I've been murdered or something.

On a more serious note, thank you all for all of the support and love you've given Scara and all my other blogs. While some of you are a handful, the majority of you are actually the sweetest and silliest community of people I've ever known. I hope you all have excellent lives.

Now, as for what happens to Scara, we're shoving him in another coma. which is entirely at the mercy of Wanderer's mod, because they're my friend outside of tumblr too and i trust that they'll use this as a major angst moment. Put an F for Cyrille and Scara guys

NOW: a few honorable mentions and thank yous:

@wandering-hat-guy : im not writing a goodbye type thing for you because i will literally talk to you tomorrow, but thank you for being an awesome brother-sibling figure. you are the wanderer to my scara :]

@an-active-rabbit : Thank you for being an extremely fun person to rp with. The puppets and the heart is a rp that wont leave my mind for a while yet. Many hugs for you! And I wont be forgetting Mikaven anytime soon >:3

@cyrille-leclair-de-fontaine : AUGH budddyyy im sorry to do this to you. But thank you for creating Cyrille in the first place. Cyscara my beloveds, they will always hold a place in my heart. Maybe one day they'll actually get somewhere. Im also willing to be your friend outside of tumblr if you wish because you're cool >:D

@dishonxsty : For also being a goofy little goober. My favorite rp with you was definitely the ouppy's and scara, and also kudos to you for making like 17 bajillion blogs and being able to manage them all at once somehow like???? go king go

Annnd @monsieur-neuvillette , who seems random because I havent rped with them in literally a century, but thank you for being the one to indirectly help me get over my fears of starting a rp blog AND being the inspo for me to start rping on tumblr in the first place. hugs for you too

Well, alls said that's been said, so I think I'll just end it off here, because it's been like 10 minutes since I started typing this and I am eepy.

Goodbye everyone except wandermod, and thank you for sticking with me through Scara's really out of pocket journey.

(PS: Rest in peace @the-tainted-blossom . I miss you everyday.)

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

[ra-archives]

Which Link is Caesar to be stabbed (with fake knives)? Who’s the chain ganging up on (for fun) and why?

First, happy Ides of March to you too <3 Secondly, I feel Twilight or Wars are Caesar. Wild, Hyrule, Wind and Four are totally planning everything. They are not subtle, Time hears everything and doesn't raise a finger to stop them because he finds it amusing. Sky does nothing as well, partly because he doesn't want to suddenly be the one thats stabbed, also its nice to see everyone having fun. Legend is pulled in when the stabbing gets started, and has a surprising amount of fun when he does. Between Twi and Wars, who ever isn't the one being stabbed is in the same boat as Legend.

TBH I have very little reasoning for that^ other than vibes. Mostly just Wild, Wind, Hyrule and Four give me mischievous little critter vibes. They always scheming. Four should get to do more nonsense. Only reason Time isn't involved is because he has to uphold his serious old man reputation. (That reputation is non existent. Everyone knowns he's mischievous and silly like the rest of him, Time is keeping this up for no one. He desperately wants to join them. Let the old man have fun)

Legend doesn't give me scheming vibes, just a tad to serious for that, but won't stop anyone else. Man is down for a little bit of chaotic fun though, so he joins in after. Sky is too quiet and collected to join in, but he'll watch with an eyeroll, and a slightly concerned but kind of entertained smile. Twilight and Wars are serious but also dramatic, so obviously perfect targets. They are both so dramatic when attacked, and chaotic enough to join the murder group when not being targeted.

Thirdly, I like to imagine that outside the Ides of March, everyone gangs up on eachother at any opportune moment.

Like, if anyone says something silly or trips over their own feet, everyone immediately starts ripping on them. There are a couple of constants, Wild and Hyrule aren't allowed opinions on what tastes edible, the most common reply to anything Time says is 'Uh huh, whatever you say gramps', and Wind is dragged for pretty much anything he says because he's the youngest, etc. But that doesn't mean the others are safe. You can pretty much guaranty that if it isn't serious (about battles, past quests and trauma, genuine heart to hearts) someone is going to jab at whoever said it.

Its a lot like big friend groups or close teams. Constantly making fun of eachother, but in that way that good friends do where you know its all from a place of love. If you don't lovingly drag someone through the mud for every single thing they say, are you really besties?

TBH maybe I should write a sillier fic. Their light hearted dynamics seem so fun to explore but everyone's always dying in my stuff so there's never time :') Maybe I'll actually keep writing 'The Years Bring Change' and throw it in there.

Well, this is longer than I meant it to be and not well though out cause I'm tired, but oh well. Gotta love rambles, lists and extra context!

[halucynator]

Hellllooo,

Omg I really needed more swiftie mutuals <3

Please rant about all things you like, i love rants, gosh we seem to have so many close interests, I am not a writer tho, but I do read, effectively making me a reader which doesn't sound as cool, now that I think about it.

My fav Taylor song at the moment is "Slut!". I cannot get that out of my head. I mean "got lovesick all over my bed", I die a little everytime I hear that.

Fav Olivia song at the moment is logical (kinda like you username aah). I still CANNOT get over "can't take a joke, can't get you off". Like please kill me already.

Fav Sabrina song at the moment is probably "because i liked a boy". (damn who hurt me?)

And fav conan song at the moment, "Lookalike"

Tell me yours?

Nyc.

xx

hiiii

omg thank you thank you thank youuuu <33

okay so i love a lot of things some of them are pretty questionable but I'm questionable literally ask anyone on the discord server so its fine. anywhoo, i love taylor, maisie, gracie, phoebe, alix page, lucy (dacus not myself I'm not THAT narcissistic), olivia hardy (from wasia project) julien, conan, liv, sab (and @loserdiaz but that's a known fact) and so many other people to the point that even i cant keep track. oh and i love laufey, mitski and lyn lapid just bc.

my current fav by wasia project is petals on the moon but ur so pretty especially live from the studio is so gooddd

anywayss, reading is really cool thats how i got into writing (which is the best thing ever ik /hj) i also really really like reading bc it makes me smart and it's super fun

which is your favourite book series?? mine is lockwood and co as if you couldn't already tell by the amount of times I've mentioned it i also really love agggtm series bc why wouldn't it its so good. I'm sure i love so many more book series but my memory sucks (it does not but I'm lazy so I'll use that as an excuse)

anywhooo, i love scream which is weird bc i watched the first one when i was 10 (i know, who let me do that???) and i... liked it? (I'm very questionable i know) but i also tend to rant about it as if its real life (like WHY DID THEY KILL OF *insert name of dead character* IM SO MAD) and not a movie so I'm a bit annoying sometimes but pls don't tell me that otherwise I'll start crying /j

hmm my favourite taylor song atm would be "is it over now?" or "now that we don't talk" bc at the moment i resonate so well with those songs (ikr my life sounds like a nightmare: it is but it isn't really? idk) at yes i totally agree with the "got lovesick all over my bed statement but" also "love thorns all over this rose" and omg "you're not saying you're in love with me, BUT !! YOURE !! GONNA !! DO !!" like who gave taylor the right to be such a mastermind (funny, right? no? okay.) like the entire song, heck the entire album is so GOOD. HER ENTIRE DISCOGRAPHY IS SO GOOD. (this is totally normal fan behaviour btw)

favourite liv song atm is probably lacy but i love all of the songs all the album (and yes logical is soooo good i mean i have to love it otherwise my url is meaningless) but my favourite lyric from the entire album is probably "we both drew blood but man THOSE CUTS were NEVER EQUAL!!" from the grudge (also one of my top 3) bc that hits DEEP. (bc the cuts were deep, i know I'm so funny /j)

favourite sab song atm is prolly cindy lou who / opposite (been there) / a nonsense christmas. i cheated but i simply cant choose one shes too good. also super funny bc cindy lou who and opposite are like sad vibes and then a nonsense christmas i want you to [redacted] and [redacted] me on the couch while we [redacted] presents (sorry i just think I'm so funny when I'm not but dont tell me that i wanna be a stand up comedian no I'm just kidding I'm not a failure. IM JOKING) (also regarding bc i liked a boy, I agree. who hurt you???)

anyways, my favourite conan song atm is prolly the best known option "heather" BUT i also like "the cut that always bleeds" the entire of kid krow tbh

okay i wrote a lot asdxcasdcvafd sorry

alsooo, you didnt ask this but my favourite gracie abrams song atm is "where do we go now?" and "cedar" (you arent mine) bc its such a heartbreaking song especially when you can relate to it. ooh and i also love camden, painkillers, rockland and long sleeves but they're all pretty depressing so if you don't like sad songs they're prolly not for you.

and THANK YOU for this ask this was so fun send me more sometimes <333

[degenrcy]

jeff da killa puts you to sleep ->

warnings: rape, blood, death, stalker, he totally loves you

link to ao3 if you want to read as i update, because who knows when or what i'll post on here!

a calm summer night. fresh sheets and a new pajama set. you lotioned up well, did your skincare, put up your hair securely after its own special treatment. a 3-wick vanilla scented candle filling up your room, soft music playing from your open laptop.

you slipped your panties on after sliding off your towel, showing off to the laptop and potential dark web perverts watching you through your tapped camera... just kidding! that stuff wasn't even real, who cares, nothing bad has happened to you ever anyways.

you were perfect; smooth and clean, smelled like a girl, looked like a girl, you probably felt like a girl. you were mesmerizing, clueless, naive, dumb, stupid, stupid, stupid bitch. a dumb, fucking idiot who left their window open on this calm summer night. multiple windows, just in case a possible intruder murderer rapist burglar wanted to do a house tour before intruding murdering raping raping again and robbing you.

i guess girls stay up late too, the light of your phone dulling out the shape of your face. expressionless, smooth cheeks, no longer smiling. just scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling. one day you'll find the one- the perfect video to wrap up the night. not tonight.

boots touched down in your bathroom, mirror still foggy with products lined up on the sink waiting to be properly closed and put away. you were messy, lazy. you buy all these things, but don't have a place for them. you're useless.

he pondered the thought of flickering the bathroom lights. getting your attention. stabbing you through the shower curtain. it wasn't fun like that. this was going to be fun.

not much decoration for a girl like you. there's a dedicated board with pictures of friends and maybe some other meaningful sentimental items. he ripped off a photo booth picture of you to stash in his wallet and show you off to his friends... right. if he could smile anymore, he could. he wanted. he was.

slow calculated, heavy steps closer to your room. the vanilla and coconut and strawberry and burnt hair from the dryer wafted through the air. it was adorable, you trying to be so many kinds of girls at once... but there you were, in all your glory. natural state, relaxed, no performance in sight. his eyes widened at the sight-

girl. bra-shirt. pink. shorts. panties under shorts? alone. looking at phone, headphones, perfect. wait, even better, you tossed and turned a couple times before finally settling on showing your bare back to him. ass.

he slipped through, caressing the blade in his pocket. his fingertips twitched against the sharp side, edging closer and closer to nicking himself. but that would hurt. that's why he does it to others.

he watched your phone with you for a while, the mass amounts of content you ingest at once and switching through the same 3 apps was bound to drive you insane at some point. no wonder you haven't fallen asleep yet. ah, your ass jiggled a little. nice.

you couldn't even scream when he finally pounced on you, perma-crazed eyes forcibly locking onto your fear-filled ones. cold against your throat. pressure on your stomach holding you down. smooth, smooth, silky smooth skin. his fingers were disgusting against your mouth and nose, no more vanilla-coconut but dirt-blood-disgusting-horrible-oh-my-god-howdidyougetinherepleasedontkillmeohmygod

he was just gonna help you fall asleep!

"lift up your shirt." he commanded, twirling around the very used knife in front of you, leaning back to let you move. this is where you scream, attract your roommates and neighbors- oh wait thats right you're alone and he would've killed everyone else in the place and look at that, whimpering and lifting up your shirt. tiiiiits.

your phone buzzed with a text message, briefly lighting up the room. his face now dimly lit, and your face was completely disgusted. now you hurt his ego, so you were really gonna get it.

he twirled the knife back into his grip, stabbing through your precious phone. his free hand found its spot back at your jaw, gripping tightly until your cheeks smushed together and dug into your gums. he stared, unblinking, lowering the knife closer to your warm skin. he wanted to crawl inside you, burrow himself in your ribs, feel your womanly-warmth all the time and have you coddle him and rock him around while you walked around.

"take off everything now, slut."

you shook like a newborn deer taking its first steps and he was the obsessed hunter growing his collection of cute deer heads on his wall. he hummed in satisfaction as you peeled away your soft panties, trying to cover up and slow the process as much as possible. jokes on you, he loved a strip tease.

his knife tapped your knee, mouthing "open. up." silently, smooth shiny legs parting open for him. the flat of the blade rode up your thigh, your frail hands daring to try and stop him. a quick turn of his wrist and slice the first little baby cat scratch stretched across your bare thigh. your lips trembled underneath his fingers, tears welling in your eyes. you took it like a champ!

he let the blood soak up the blade as much as possible, giggling to himself at how sick you looked and how you writhed under his weight when he rubbed it into your face. he made a smile on your face with your own leg-blood. he licked your face, laughing even more as you cried. he spit on the knife, a bloody gob dripping down the length of it, then slid it down to your cunt. his heart swelled at your body freezing up, tensing, preparing for the worst. no no no, he wasn't cruel, not a monster.

"don't move," he huffed, undoing his pants as quick as possible and finally freeing his dick from its constraints. he rubbed the knife on himself, grabbing your wrists with on hand, holding them above your shaking-no head. no-no-no, side to side. "go on, beg me not to."

"p-please," you obliged. "anything but this, please, i-i don't know what you want..."

he rolled his eyes- heard it all before. he wiggled his way inside you, being as scared as you were made it a tight fit. it always did. he loved it.

you gave in so easily, you weren't even trying to kick him, what a little fucking whore. the nerve to make it seem like you didn't want it, hilarious.

he slashed your beauty a few more times, letting it trickle down your sides and into the bed sheets. he rubbed it all over your chest and stomach and face, tonguing your mouth with iron-taste filth and cigarette residual. you were getting quieter as he moved his hips faster, eyes rolling up to stare at the ceiling instead of the hideous creature inside you right now. he understood, the bodys way of coping and all.

he could let go of your hands now, they remained above your head anyways. phone out, flash on, record. in another life jeff would've loved to be an amateur pornstar. he got the best angles to watch his dick slipping inside you, blood inside and out and all over, it was fucking hot. he closed in on your face, the flash forcing your eyes closed and mind back to earth.

"n-no, please, don't." you only could cry, single word demands fall on fully hearing ears that didn't give a shit. he dug the knife into your face, ripping a scream finaaalllyyyy from that pretty throat. he tore a smile across your face, pushing himself to cum as deep inside you as he could. he groaned, eyelids twitching and buried in your cunt. he pumped himself a couple times, using you to the fullest. he dropped the knife on your bloodied-pink satin pillow, kissing you harshly.

he moaned into your teeth, it was like a fountain of blood pooling into his mouth from yours- it was perfect. the smell of sex and blood, perfect. the smile on his girl's face after fucking her to sleep, perfect.

you hiccuped as he rummaged through your stuff, not much use to him. lame diary, cheap jewelry, not many electronics other than the one with a hole in it beside you. he was getting hard again just at the sounds you were making, whining for round two. moaning from the pain.

"yeah yeah i'll be right there." he waved you off, palming himself through his boxers while emptying out bags and purses and wallets. when he was done, he caressed the side of your face as he slid his cock along your ruined face. the bloody slit that was your mouth did wonders, especially when he dug the blade into your chest and you started gurgling and bubbling. it felt fucking amazing. he's never had a girl like you. so perfect.

you soon went limp, arm dangling off the edge of the bed and dripping onto the fuzzy little carpet you had for your feet in the morning. the floors got cold, but you always forgot to put on your slippers. he sliced open your arm, just for fun. he peeled back the layers of skin and fat and bone and muscle, he's sorry he put you through all of this. his fingers wiggle between your nerves and tendons- jeff even wondered if he dug deep enough, pull on some strings, could he move your fingers around like a puppet? get you to jack him off even in death?

[ominoose]

Honoured to have been tagged by @my-secret-shame, legendary paw patrol stan.

How many works do you have on AO3? Three. All abandonded, two are Naruto and ones DC. Darker times...

2. What's your total AO3 words count? 7,541. I haven't posted there in years.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Oscar Isaac almost exclusively. In my head I also write for... is cryptids a fandom? I write the best horror novels in my head, putting HP Lovecraft to shame. One day someone will give me an Oscar character with a horror prompt and it will be the best day ever.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Since I don't even have five fics on AO3, I'll do tumblr instead. Also just gonna stick to Oscar stuff, the only other posts are slasher ones.

Pumpkin Porno In My VeinsTo Be Involved Blue Jones The Makeup Artist Oscar Characters Dating a Witchy Reader

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I response to almost all of them! There's some where I don't know what to say so... I kinda don't. But I do try my hardest, I appreciate when people take time to say a kind word to me and like to return that.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Uh... I don't know that I've ever written one. I do absolutely love angst and I feel I could write it decently well, but to end with angst? I simply cannot. Maybe Caladan Attacks, since its basically on the line of non-con with no hope of escape?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? The Moon Knight system playing minecraft with you post is just silly, self indulgent fluff that was so funny to write. So thats a very happy one.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I have never, which I'm happy to keep like that.

9. Do you write smut. If so what kind? I've written about maybe six smut ever, it's all here and it's... the Oscar Isaac character kind. Or it's always got plot even when I don't mean for it too. I'll get 1k wc in and go "Why the fuck have I not even gotten to the smut yet?".

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I wrote the Steven Grant Travelling the Oscar Verse thingy, where Steven accidentally teleports to Poe Dameron, Leto Atreides and Basil Stitt. Was crazy because I didn't make Steven and Leto bang.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? No. Unless they stole it really well and I don't know.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Once with an MHA x reader thing back in the day. It also got put on youtube! Highest achievement.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before? Nope, no clue how it works and too nervous to accept an offer.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship? Oh no idea, it always depends on what I'm into. Currently in the Oscar fandom I have a bunch of random ships in my head I imagine for god knows what reason.

Steven/Jake Steven/Cecil William/Jake Blue/Jake Me/Jake

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? There's a MK system x reader breeding request I've stared at so many times yet cannot muster the strength to finish. Idk why. I just cannot. Won't delete it though.

16. What are your writing strengths? When I'm in the zone I can crack out four fics in a day. I feel I can put a decent amount of character depth.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I burn out so, so easily when writing. Maybe I need more practice, but it burns out my want to write and my love for the thing I'm into.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I only know English and Scots, but there's nothing to write Scots for and people are rude about it.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Naruto, back in the dark ages.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written? A Fake Taxi because the concept is so fun, I was encouraged by a friend and it's my first ever smut so that's a milestone!

Thanks again for the tag <3 My no pressure tags are: @winniethewife @minispidey @lunaesidus

[actualbird]

analysis: SSR Under The Milky Way, luke pearce, and dichotomies that make him a wonderfully contradictory mess of a character and make this love story one i really adore

(wow, thats a mouthful of a title. cuz this is a mouthful of a post)

wc: 2.7k

obligatory disclaimer that these are just my own thoughts and interpretations. spoilers for up to luke's personal story 4, his anniv card obviously, and other cards here and there too

-

luke is a mess

hes Such a Mess. i dont mean this in the "physical space organization" tho that is hilariously canon (pls whenever we're in the 2nd floor of his building i cant stop focusing on the papers on the floor, one of them literally under the leg of the table, MY MAN PICK UP UR FILES JHSDVFKJSDH), but i mean it in the emotional sense. and i also mean it so lovingly, cuz it's among the many things i love abt his character. hes so messy, he has so many character traits that i'd classify as flaws and faults that make him interesting to endlessly rotate in my brain, hes SUCH A MESS IN SO MANY WAYS and he even says this outright in his personal story 3 as a general statement

and after i read his personal story 4 and then his anniv card, his mess was at the forefront of my brain because it ultimately made his anniv card So Satisfying in terms of scratching certain story itches ive got, in terms of addressing his emotional messiness thru the crux of his romantic relationship with mc

and i'll get to that in different portions of this post. but first, i wanna lay down one by one what causes his mess; dichotomies in how he thinks and how mc acts as the other side as the narrative foil, and how all this adds up to a love story i really, really love

-

inevitability vs. hope

i’ll start with the most obvious one. ever since luke’s personal story 1 allllll the way up to this anniv card, the inevitability of his illness and his limited lifespan prognosis looms over and informs the decisions he makes. which, yknow, makes sense. thats a Heavy Thing to have to deal with, and luke for a large amount of his story doesnt want this to be anybody else’s problem but his exactly Because it’s heavy. it’s sad and upsetting and causes worry, and ever since luke was a kid, he was already beginning to harbor a guilt for hurting other people or bringing bad upon their lives (mentioned and shown in SSR Shape Of You)

even after personal story 4—after he’s made the decision to tell mc the whole truth—he is still convinced of this inevitability. hes so convinced that he sent the letter and skedaddled elsewhere to give mc time and space to think it all through without being clouded by the heat of the moment.

hes so convinced that once mc confesses back to him, he argues with her (sidenote: my GOD getchu a love interest who, in the Confession Card, is literally trying so hard to get the main character to pick ANYBODY BUT HIM because he thinks it’d hurt less. my heart aches SO MUCH). he throws the inevitability of his death in her face, as if to scare her away.  

while the whole inevitability thing is so obvious in luke like, Everywhere in his thoughts and stories, i also realized it’s subliminally communicated through even the settings and symbols that are linked to him.

luke runs an antique shop, he’s into photography and takes pictures as memories, he’s got his treasure box filled with things from the past, he’s Always bringing up fond anecdotes of his and mc’s childhood: all of these are things have the concept of the passage of time intrinsic to them, and time passing to luke is something that brings his inevitability closer and closer. so all these symbols implying time are also focused on the past specifically, when things were happier because he’s sure his future can only cause pain. 

and mc, of course, is the foil to inevitability. first, she focuses on a portion of time that isnt past or future: the present.

in luke’s personal story 4 when aaron not so subtly grills her about “dangerous professions” of somebody she loves, she says this:

and then when you pick the second choice here in the anniv card (which i did), she says the following lines

while there’s still time, she says.

this sentiment from mc doesnt just crop up here. cherishing the present is something she brings up many times across several stories (off the top of my head: SR Radiant Sunlight and luke’s personal story 2 during that whole story with Zero) and it’s clear that to her, yes, the past and the future are important, the former being a time none of them can return to and the latter being filled with uncertainty, but now matters so much as well. maybe it matters even more, taking into account how uncertain tomorrow will be.

the second thing mc brings to face luke’s inevitability shtick is related to uncertainty: hope.

luke’s prognosis is dire, but as long as he’s alive now in the present, theres still a chance. theres still hope. going back to that scene in luke’s personal story 4 where aaron is grilling mc, she says:

and then immediately after this she cites wedding vows which luke secretly overhears outside still holding the fucking kettle, oh my GOD, i CANNOT TAKE THESE TWO…

back on topic tho, this bit shows that mc’s view of the uncertainty of a future with a lover in constant danger (and “constant danger” in this specific scene is in regards to luke’s job, yeah, but also has pretty obvious parallels to his illness as well: pain can and will happen) skews towards something more balanced than luke’s concept of inevitability. her view is more of like…we can’t ever be sure. and that doesn’t just make space for pain, but it makes space for hope too. 

and this view isnt only for his illness to be treated, but for his and mc’s relationship as well. 

which brings me to this line, the line that Broke Me and also made me think “OKAY EVERYBODY, PACK IT UP, GO HOME, THE WINNER OF BEST CONFESSION IS NONE OF THE BOYS, IT’S ACTUALLY MC!!!” this is what she says:

i know, it seems simple at first but listen. Listen. this is….so good and so perfect for them. this line has two key parts, the verb and the subjects, and i first wanna talk about the verb: believe. 

belief is not rooted on things that are sure. believing in something, anything, is acknowledging there are things that cant be controlled or fully known but taking that chance anyway. belief is faith, belief is hope, and these things as a cornerstone for love is so important to luke/mc cuz it shows how much they matter to each other and that uncertainties arent a dealbreaker but a call to hope and believe and love. mc believes and pleads luke to believe too, believe in her and in them together

which now brings me to the next dichotomy

-

luke vs. mc

luke, when bringing up his fear of inevitable grief hurting mc, words his feelings in a very particular way. in the anniv card, he says

worded another way, this could go “i could follow my heart, but at the cost of her happiness.”

this is what he thinks the price of his happiness is: mc’s own. and it’s indicative of something i noticed about luke wayyy back in lost gold, that he has the habit of pitting him and mc against each other, particularly his desires against mc’s emotions. 

if he is to indulge in what will give him joy, he will rob mc of hers. if he is to value his life, he will ruin mc’s life (actually to bring up SSR Shape Of You again (SORRY IT RLLY IS JUST SUCH A FAVE CARD OF MINE) this is taken further to the (past childhood) implication of like…if he even just exists, he will ruin mc’s life). if he “wins”, she “loses”

this kind of thinking is cuz he is still, up till now—even after he had said in personal story 4 that he said that the secrets he’s got concerns them both—not seeing himself and mc as a team. he’s seeing himself and mc as two people on different sides and only one of them can get out of this with their heart intact.

and of course, as is usual with luke pearce, he’d always rather the winner to be her. 

so now i wanna go back to mc’s line which Broke Me™. “You have to believe in me…In us.” awhile ago i was talking about the verb but now i shift to the subject. 

mc wants luke to believe in her, which is already in itself something that would hit luke emotionally. afterall, every single argument hes saying is supposedly for her own good, yet he also told her that he’d respect whatever her decision was. if he really, truly does love her, she should listen to her, trust her, and believe in her. going further, she wants him to believe in her and him together. 

because thats what a relationship is supposed to be, even a platonic one and doubly so for a romantic one. the people are still individuals, yes, but theyre not on different teams, theyre not supposed to be with one more important than the other, theyre supposed to be side by side as equals, together. 

in the verb and subjects of “You have to believe in me…In us.”, mc asks luke to rethink inevitability and indulge in faith, she asks him get rid of the divide he’s put between them that says both of them being happy is impossible. 

and in response to this, luke says “...I do.”

cue kiss scene of the anniv card. of course, the crowd cheers, crowd goes wild (the crowd is me) as they kiss. it is so SO satisfying because these two things that luke has struggled with are met with an equal and kinder force coming from mc. the buildup is sublime and crests towards this moment and it is so sweet and tender and amazing.

and then luke’s self-deprecation busts through the wall again. which brings me to the last dichotomy 

-

“how can i ask anyone to love me” vs. “when all i do is beg to be left alone”

the prior dichotomies all had luke as one side and mc as the other, but this last one is different. these are both two sides within only luke and i wanna talk about it not through narrative foils but through the lens of how characters change. 

but first lemme explain: the above bits in the quotation marks are lyrics from the song Left Alone by Fiona Apple and theyre really neat lyrics that succinctly articulate a super common contradictory experience, one luke lays out in full with his depressing explanation for his depressing song choice for the music box

after he says all this, mc reassures luke that she loves him and understands that his contradictory actions we are stemming not from cowardice but from the fact he loves and cares about her (and that it all just got mucked up with mixed signals and actions like this because of //gestures at aforementioned two dichotomies). and mc is right wonderful, i love that, shes wonderful!! 

but what im drawn to here though is less of the resolution of this issue but the fact that this speech from luke made me realize one thing ive adored about his character ever since the beginning: because of his love manifesting into contradictory desires, he not only goes through character development, but moments of character regression as well. he not only changes for the better, but he has moments where he backslides and relapses into old bad habits. 

“why, zak, why do you love this in a character??? are you a SADIST???” yeah, i am. but i do also have valid reasons JHVJKSHDVFS.

on a personal level, i find it’s more realistic and genuine as to how stuff happens with real people. i cant speak for everyone, but as somebody with [redacted mental bad times], seeing a character have moments of going back to bad habits feels great to me cuz in real life, the road of recovery or being a better person isnt always linear. sometimes it’s like this, it’s 1 step forward, 1 step back. 

on a story level though, character development and character regression both happening does two things:

1) it highlights just how strong the motives and rationale of the old ways are, which increases the depth of the character and their traits

like, luke has several regression moments in the anniv card alone. first one is one he mentions, he said he’d accept whatever mc’s decision was but his first instinct that he Did act on was to argue with her because it is so ingrained in him to think of her choosing him as the Wrong choice to make, the choice that will lead her to sadness, and he loves her so much that he doesnt want her to go through that. 

another smaller backslide moment is that he Runs Away in this card. remember luke’s xmas partyland card, SR A Star in the Palm? the card luke word for word tells mc “I promise that from now and forever, I’ll never try to run from you ever again.”? well, while luke explains in his anniv card his rationale for lying to mc that he’s out of town the moment he sends the letter, that rationale doesnt trump the fact that he still ran away and gave her no information on how to find him (thank u aaron for immediately fessing luke’s location, god bless)

also, he lied to her. ding ding ding, pretty sure he said he’d stop doing that!!! but him running and lying once again highlights how much he once thought his absence in mc’s life would be better for her, he has to be Not There when she reads the letter so his presence doesnt lead her into a choice thatd result in her sadness.

the second thing character development and character regression both happening does is

2) ensures change

brief segue, but for the longest time, i had always known that i personally get bored with perfect characters. characters who always succeed, who never doubt, and whose flaws (if theyve got any) are largely minimal and do not affect the story. and only when i started writing this analysis did i realize why i get bored with perfect characters: there’s nowhere else to go for them.

if theyre perfect, they wont backslide. and if theyre perfect, they cant get any better because theyve already Gotten There. theyre stagnant, and what i personally love to see in stories, among many other things, is a character changing. 

luke is so flawed and imperfect and this delights me to no end. his faults ensure theres room for him to improve, and he does. he makes promises, he changes for the better. and once hes done that, theres space for him to regress and fuck up all over again, which emphasizes his traits, beliefs, and what matters to him. 

and once hes a step back, theres space for him to take a step forward again because if theres one thing so sublimely clear about luke, it’s that he tries. he keeps on fighting even if it looks like an impossible fight, and in this card, he does this because he loves mc, because he believes in her, because he believes in them together. 

-

so. luke is a mess for so many reasons, and to me, that makes him one hell of an interesting character with some fantastic stories. it makes his and mc’s love story one that focuses on hope, togetherness, and change.

and these kinds of stories, messy ones that have room for characters to fail and also have room for characters to get better, are ones that i really love a whole bunch.

[love-etherlyy]

oh yeah baby jay ferin playlist :3 as always i'll keep addin and removing stuff here and there cause i can never be satisfied ever but here it is for now

click here to open it in spotify

ramblings about it under the cut :)

(you don't have to read them but i hyperfocused and accidentally spent like an hour writing about this playlist so it would make me happy if you did)

so let me preface by saying it's like a combination of "i think this character would listen to these songs" and "these songs remind me of this character but idk if they would listen to them" cause listen. okay. i just combine all my interests so it's basically songs that i think jay would relate to because of the lyrics and also songs jay would like because i project my interests onto every character and just idk. i wanna make something jay would like but also suits my autistic little brain whatever. i realize i explained that like shit but idk how else to put it

soooo. jay ferin guys. i love jay ferin. but also if you know anything about me its that i love 2000s/2010s alt rock emo shit and that comes through in this playlist mostly with the paramore but listen. LISTEN. she is so paramore coded YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. big man little dignity. let the flames begin. ignorance. playing god. ALL I WANTED. ESCAPE ROUTE. YOU FIRST. AND MORE. you cannot tell me hayley williams didn't write these songs about jay /j

AND LIKE OKAY let me go on a little tangent here but native tongue is so albatrio coded like HWHAGHDRGHEJHRJQHERJKJ sorry i had to violently stim i got so excited like THEY JUST UNDERSTAND EACHOTHER AND THEY COMPLETE EACHOTHER AND AND AND LIKE OTHER PEOPLE MIGHT THINK THEYRE WEIRD OR WHATEVER BUT THEY JUST GET EACHOTHER OKAY. OKAY?? AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. WAUUUUUHGHH I LOVE THEMMMMMM :(((( /POS so yeah like not all the songs are about her relationship with her father but also with her relationship to the crew (also like clarification ig i don't view any of it through a romantic shipping lens. my aroace ass like physically cannot so like view it however you want to)

okay sorry back to the rest of this

OOH wait actually i wanna talk about the cover art for this playlist cause OH MY GOD. this is my favorite jay ferin fanart EVER. it's my pfp on discord and fucking everything. like i knew from the start that i wanted to use that art for the cover art i love it so much., like i'm obsessed with moon and star aesthetics if you couldn't tell from my layout, and it even bleeds into my irl style cause all of the accessories i wear are moon and star related (earrings, rings, necklaces, etc.) so when i saw this fanart for the first time i fucking SCREAMED. THE COLORING IS SO PRETTY AND I SCROLLED THROUGH MY BOOKMARKS ON TWITTER FOR LIKE 15 MINUTES TO FIND IT so so shout out @Labannori you basically painted my mona lisa

oh yeah btw link to @Labannori and the original post here

okay BACK ON TRACK FOR REAL NOW

the sleeping with sirens songs are basically the same thing in that the lyrics remind me of jay, but i just wanted to bring up a trophy fathers trophy son in particular because that song has personally victimized me and the amount of scrobbles i have for it on last.fm is frankly, embarassing

i actually went and looked for this, it's 160 scrobbes and my #18 most played song of all time. so i guess it's not as bad as i thought but still.

melanite martinez i wasn't as sure about adding because i had a very specific vibe i wanted for the playlist i wasn't sure she fit (that's also why i didn't add any of my other favorite musicians like pierce the veil, fall out boy, or more mcr, like my brain just wouldn't let me.... there was A Vibe i needed and i think it was just traumatized girlboss which, as much as i love those bands. they don't capture it ((i don't know why sleeping with sirens is an exception to this kellin quinn is just a magical man okay))) but i like portals more than her old stuff and the two songs i added off of cry baby just fit jay's story i think

the mcr songs i added very specifically remind me of jay's relationships with the crew, albatrio are lowkey very danger days coded if you really think about it

mitski, sleeping at last, and marina are all artists i like but i dont really listen to, like i like their vibe but i know like 10 songs. but i mean for the traumatized part of the traumatized girlboss vibe (is that actually what i'm calling this) mitski and sleeping at last fit and marina's music is like both depending on the song so i thought they were fair adds

and finally the halsey stuff i was the least sure about adding not because i didn't think it fit the vibe but because i just started listening to halsey like this past week and im not as familiar with her songs and the themes of them as i am with the other stuff i added so i didn't wanna add something and its like actually a huge mischaracterization but i thought the playlist needed more variety ad i figured i can always remove stuff later on (or add more as i listen to halsey more) but yeah. i do wanna say i think i am not a woman i'm a god fits jay very well

the next stuff im gonna add is probably gonna be from me listening to other jay ferin playlists and seeing if there's anything i like in them, it helps with artist variety and just getting stuff in the playlist that i'll know fits jay but isn't music i listen to

so anyways yeah i'm gonna close this out here cause i've been writing this little section for like an hour and i have work tomorrow LOL and it's easter so we're gonna be busy (i hate retail) so i hope you guys enjoyed my autistic little ramblings and i hope you look forward to more playlists. i gotta make an official post for my ashe winters playlist after i clean it up a bit so that'll probably be my next post :) i'm cookin up emizel and shiloh playlists next, emizel's will probably come first cause i already have some ideas for what i wanna add (its mostly linkin park and system of a down so far) and shilo i only have like a vibe in mind but no artists to go with it so i gotta think on that a little more. so yeah that's all for now goodnight everyone

edit: i just thought of this but if theres a song you think sould go in the playlist of you want my thoughts on a particular song and why i put that specific song in the playlist feel free to send me an ask :)