#because the polls are murdering me rn

[eating-the-inedible]

This will get a lot easier after the first round of polls are made

cause then i'll just have to copy and paste

but rn

rn i wanna die 💀✨

[onebighappyaftonfamily]

FNAF Dashboard Simulator

🐊 not-coughin Follow

guys I hate living in hurricane utah. you will not believe what i just saw.

#cryptid sightings

🐰 springbonnie-and-friends

Well? You cant just say that and tag it #cryptid sightings and not elaborate!

🕶️ cryptid_hunter Follow

Dont you know that Utah is full of cryptids man. They probably saw the Wire Monster

🐰 springbonnie-and-friends

The what.

📸 Wire-Monster-Heritage-Posts Follow

Official Wire Monster Heritage Post

🐰 springbonnie-and-friends

WHAT?

535 notes

🛼 he-was-a-rollersk8er-boi Follow

GUYS IM ACTUALLY ILL. I WENT TO THE SKATEBOARD PARK AFTER HOURS AND A GIANT METALLIC MONSTER GIRL ON WHEELS JUST INSULTED ME. AND THEN SHE DID THE TRICK I HAD BEEN PRACTICING BUT SHE DID IT BETTER

🛹 tony-fawk Follow

tfw you're so bad at rollerskating that your sleep paralysis demon shows up to outdo you

🛼 he-was-a-rollersk8er-boi Follow

PLEAAAAASE NO

89 notes

🎩 f-bears-family-diner Follow

We know what you did.

🌻 farmgurl1 Follow

This whole blog is giving ARG guys. But I googled the restaurant and it used to be a real place??? Someone pls explain

4 notes

⬜️ middle-of-nowhere-deactivated-02132022

GUYS I'm so scared for my life right now! bumped into his weird guy on the street and his hat fell off and his whole head was BALD AND PURPLE. like his skin was purple. And he smelled like roadkill. Did I just encounter a zombie?!

🎇 slaymechanic Follow

omg youre so rude! why are you demonizing that poor homeless man?! blocked

💌 cutsie_side_blog Follow

OP makes me sick

🖼️ simple-artist Follow

K

💽 foundfootagelvr3

U

🛤️ i-like-trains Follow

N

🏙️ king-sh1t Follow

G

🎼 classicalmusic1 Follow

P

🐰 springbonnie-and-friends

O

87 notes

🔎 henry-emily-sightings Follow

Oh my god guys normally I just post about whenever this guy ends up on the news but I literally saw him IRL today! He's moved back to Hurricane Utah?! Oh my god!

🐻 fr3dbear_fan Follow

SAY SIKE RN HE SAID HED NEVER RETURN

🕵️ problem-sleuther Follow

you mean that guy who was arrested for killing a bunch of kids including his own daughter??? should we be worried

🔎 henry-emily-sightings Follow

Clearly you haven't done your research. It wasn't him. They're still not sure who the murderer was but a lot of online fans believe that the murderer might have been Henry Emily's co-owner and friend William Afton. Naturally the guy disappeared shortly after Emily's arrest. Right, @william-afton-sightings ?

🔍 william-afton-sightings Follow

The guy's a ghost. I've literally turned this blog into a search for the Vintage Spring Bonnie suit, seeing as it was what the murderer wore to kill the missing kids. It's also missing, btw. It was also the only suit William Afton would wear, and some reports say he didn't like it when employees wore his suit. I'm hoping if I look for the Vintage Bonnie suit, then Afton might be too.

🐇 bonnie_lvr Follow

I've seen a spring bonnie suit but it was probably a crappy cosplay or smth. horror attraction by my place is trying to make it freddys pizzeria themed (disgraceful)

🔍 william-afton-sightings Follow

I have literally never seen a cosplay of Spring Bonnie. DM me PLEASE

💽 foundfootagelvr3

WAIT BONNIE_LVR ARE YOU IN HURRICANE BECAUSE I SAW THAT PLACE TOO. OMG IS THIS WHY MR EMILY IS BACK?!

134 notes

🎬 vintage-show-polls Follow

🐊 not-coughin Follow

Ugh this is such a niche tv show all of you are just voting based on what you know of the animatronics, not the show. gtfo posers

💽 foundfootagelvr3

OMG PLEASE VOTE FOXY HES SUCH A FASCINATING VILLAIN PLS PLS PLS PLS FOXY SWEEP

459 notes

reminder this is unreality. go ahead and vote in the poll and click the link of that tagged blog tho

[froggibus]

Hi there! If requests are still open, would it be alright if I requested HC’s for D.Va, Mei, Sombra, and Mercy with an S/O who’s a writer?

Thank you!! You rock! Keep up the amazing work!

Writer S/O Headcanons - D.Va, Mercy, Mei & Sombra

Genre: fluff!

Pairing: D.Va x gn! reader, Mercy x gn! reader, Mei x gn! reader, Sombra x gn! reader

CW: mostly fluff, some canon/implied canon things (we love our doctor/science women), i'm horrible at writing sombra (sorry)

been a while since i did an OW request, haven't touched the game since the beginning of Dec since i don't play for a team rn & hate the direction the game is going :( but i love the characters so its a dilemma lol anyway enjoy!!!

(also!!! i am once again bothering you guys to vote in this poll if you haven't already. your input matters to me vv much & would love to hear about what you want for our valentines event this year!)

D.Va:

literally your biggest fan

she always supports your writing no matter what & definitely shares it on her stream

will probably just game while you’re writing 

she gets loud sometimes but she tries her best to stay quiet so you can focus

does her best to read your writing but she has such a short attention span she just can’t sometimes

will write little hearts and stars on her favorite passages in your writing 

brings you lots of snacks and drinks!! makes sure you’re always hydrated and that you don’t work too long

honestly probably gets really distracting sometimes

like reading your writing over your shoulder or tapping her nails on the desk really loudly

“Hana…”

“sorry,” she’ll say sheepishly. “you just have me on the edge of my seat.”

Mercy:

your proofreader/beta reader

she LOVES to read so you know she’ll pick up anything you write and devour it

will lay on the couch with you after work while you write and listen to the taps of your laptop 

“hey, Ang, do you know the word? like the one—the word for—ugh”

“luminescent.”

you’re not sure how she does it but she always manages to read your mind & know exactly what word you’re looking for

also super helpful when you have random medical questions

she’ll break down exactly how you treat a stab wound in a dingy motel for you without batting an eyelash

queen of overworking so she won’t judge you too harshly if you work all night 

but will definitely be there to chastise you with a glass of water in one hand and some plain toast in the other 

Mei:

literally the sweetest ever

always tells you how amazing your work is & recommends it to all her friends

working in the science field she’s always reading scientific journals so your work is a breath of fresh air 

she’ll have a glass of rosé and settle down with your book after a long day

NEVER critiques your work because she thinks you’re the best ever 

probably annotates it with her thoughts while reading it and voices her excitement about it 

asks you a million questions about your work and nods along while you give long winded explanations 

cooks you yummy food & brings you 5 spice hot chocolate to keep your energy up 

snuggled up to you on the couch and listens to you think outloud 

Sombra:

absolute best research buddy

you open your mouth to ask her a writing question and she already has it pulled up in four different browsers 

thoroughly explains everything to you too

through her work she knows a lot about violence and other things

so she’s always willing to answer questions—especially spy + stealth related things 

if anyone ever tries to criticize your work online she’ll literally doxx them

probably hasn’t read much of your work but she makes it up for it in undying support 

you could be writing about murdering a public official and she’d support it 

lets you sit at her desk with her while she works and hums soft songs to you

(if you enjoy content like this, interactions go a long way! comments, likes & rbs are always greatly appreciated ^-^ !!)

masterlist | overwatch masterlist

[jester089]

Sorry to do this, may or may not have I accidentally deleted the first post while cleaning up my tumblr a bit. So I ask you vote again, please stick with your original answer.

Ok so, I'm feeling the want to write again and will probably start soon. I have a question for you all I already know the answer.

Would yall rather me write for TADC (The Amazing Digital Circus), Murder Drones, or Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel?

Edit: Btw if you were wondering why Helluva Boss/Habin Hotel aren't tagged is because those fandoms are way to active rn.

If I tag them then like 100x more people will see this poll, but only from HB & HH fandoms. Then the poll isn't fair cause obviously HB & HH are gonna win.

Edit: I knew TADC was gonna win from the very start. Well, I'm alright with that. You all want primary colored hell, I'll give it to ya.

[tbhimnoteasyonmyself]

DFF & the Contemporary Issue of Trends

Last time I came onto this tag I was grasping at the last droplet of hope I had for the ending to be good.

I decided to tell you all about the great seen of Tee's confrontation with Non's dead body.

Before that I tried to guess who White might be in the story and what was happening with Phee and how and why Tan was New.

And along the way I made polls and memes and I joined this fandom in appreciating what seemed to be another great story by BOC.

We've all dedicated so much time and care and love and talent and skill to contribute to this community, to make something great around something we were growing to love...

But now we're all left neck deep in the mud, as another series with great potential bites the dust in a terrible manner.

And I'm here as the ominous oracle of the death and peril yet to come, in good Greek Tragedy fashion, to tell you this was not the 1st time we've witnessed this and it shall not be the last. And all bc contemporary media have taken 1 thing to their heart and 1 thing only: engagement.

So let's take a step back.

What fuels people? What sticks with them?

How many times a day do you remember you love your loved ones in a week? Perhaps not many. But how many times do you remember the guy the big car crash you witnessed on your way home the week it happened? A lot, probably.

Why? Bc it's new, it's shocking and it probably fuels you with either fear or frustration.

The same can be said about contemporary trends. They're new, shocking and probably fuel a negative emotion in you. So they get talked about A LOT. All at once.

This is the reason why media is becoming what it is. It's realized all st once, tried to rush through plots and plots to be relevant all the while. Makes twists and twists and twists. And has something controversial to it. Bc this will make people talk. And talk will get more people to consume.

Until of course, the next more appalling thing happens and everyone moves on.

God, this is even true in the news. I mean... How many times do you hear about good projects? Or art? But hoe many times do you hear about murder?? No wonder we're growing desensitized to it. It's all we hear about all the time!!

DFF is just another case. Another series in a sea of them that tried to be shocking and play with expectations to keep people talking.

My question is, however: and now what? Now what?

Sure, we're all talking about it cause we're shocked and pissed. But adter the emotions settle and the curiosity to find out the fuck went wrong dies out, what happens?

Don't get me wrong, I love this fandom but the series itself? It'll mostly fade away. It's not something I want to create anything for anymore. I don't have care for it any longer bc why would I??? If no one bothered to mind writing something that even made sense, why should I care to love it??

And I feel like I'm not the only one!

This fandom will die. Like many other have. And what will the creators have achieved?

I never thought about The Untamed with too much fervor, for example. And most of us have not. But if I go into its tag here or on AO3, there's still stuff being made for it. And everyone once in a while, I'll think about it and I'll coke back to it and I'll cherish and nurture it for what it is. And the fandom's there. And sure rn I haven't interacted with that fandom in a bit. And I've been on DFF's tag nearly every day. But in a year, maybe even just a few months, I'll still be thinking and coming back to Xue Yang and Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing... I won't be coming back to this mess, though. And in the end, it might not matter to anyone, but it matters to artists, doesn't it?

We make things because we are humans and we wish to connect with others. We wanna live forever in the things we live behind. But a story can't be told if there's no one to tell it to. You can't live forever in a void where no one awaits you.

So, in the end, we have consumed DFF, they have their money. But it will die and be buried together with all the people who have buzzed me while I was crossing the street or didn't held a door for me or were annoying to me on the bus. While other series, nourished with more love, will be there with me and many others, accumulating all the times we thought about them through the years, alive and well.

[hushimstressed]

I have. SO many thoughts about your Spider-Man au. First of all, I don’t know how much or how long you’ve watched slimecicle, but as I long time frequent viewer I can tell you he is DEEPLY unhinged. He makes a fantastic villain whenever he sets his mind to it. Which brings me to my point - you’ve mentioned slime living in fear of his lack of control over venom. I think you could break slimecicle into two pieces - Charlie, his civilian identity, and Slime, his symbiote. Together they make slimecicle. Charlie brings the puns, the humor, and the lightheartedness to their hive mind. Slime brings the violence, the territorialness, the disregard for human life. Combined it means that slimecicle cracks cannibal jokes before he eats people and stalks those he cares about. I think he would be all in on the cannibalism. He’s disturbing not by being scary but by being silly and normal even as he eats people. Becomes obsessed with Spider-Man. Some guy hurts the spider real bad and slimecicle tortures and eats them. I just think he should be demented and unhinged! He offers to eat Juanaflipa’s bullies. When him and Mariana find out each other’s identities and split ways he stalks him to make sure he’s safe. Maybe he even killed someone before the symbiote. He’s a fucked up silly little guy. Take this with a grain of salt if you want these are just my thoughts! I just think he should hive mind and be creepier. And that he’d be into the murder thing.

🐀

Answer got too long so I have to hide it under the cut again whoooooooo also there’s a poll at the end

Charlie definitely gets unhinged but only really after Juanaflippa dies because that’s when he stops holding back Venom/Slime from going on a rampage- as time goes on and his issues remain unaddressed the line between Charlie the human being and Slime the symbiote becomes blurred. Before he’d make more of an effort to “mask” anything out of the ordinary (with varying success) but post-Flippa’s death he rolls with the horror more instead of covering it up, e.g. “That was just a very large dog, don’t worry about it hahaha” vs “yes, I just ate a man- I skipped breakfast, we all do it.”

Charlie indulging in more “monsterous” habits and the symbiote Slime forming genuine human connections with those around it (Mariana & Juanaflippa)! So when Mariana and him “split” after her death, he justifies following him around because he want to keep him out of similar danger, and it’s fine because Venom/Slime is helping. Before he would catch sight of Spider-Man and adore him as a symbolic figure to what Charlie could never amount to, now he follows Mariana out of desperation for losing all he used to have (but simultaneously cannot confront Mariana in person because then he’d have to face a whole other can of issues relating to Juanaflippa’s death).

Charlie definitely considered eating Juanaflippa’s school bullies at one point but never brought it up to her because he was under the impression she didn’t know he was possessed by a man-eating symbiote lmaooo

Also you make a good point of making Charlie creepier! I considered indulging into some body horror when I first started this au but figured that would scare people off so I kinda forgot about it 💀 like “oops I grew a second mouth” and then vomits a skeleton hahaha and how an alien species attaching itself to his body could make him feel like his body isn’t his own anymore but the host of a being out of his control and comfort :)

On a side note he would 100% crack a pun before killing a man (I’m just not good at puns so imagine a really funny one rn) and nom

Accept this doodle as thanks for the brain rot I will continue to think of these dumb idiots whom I love

[eviltransswag]

Beatrice Information Post

She kills everyone in a groundhog loop day as punishment for their sins… she has a funny enemies and loves banter with protag Battler as he fights her to save his family (she is a girlboss who makes him get naked and walks him around with a leash) - it (spoilers) is revealed/heavily implied she was identified as male at birth - also she is bisexual and just trolling this messed up family throughout the visual novel

Trapped a family in a death loop, girl bossed it up

Evil? She's so evil. Murder? Yeah. Stereotypical anime cackling? You know it. Demon summoning? She probably did it before your fav. Tax fraud? Maybe. But most of the people she killed were rich, so not only is she evil, she's also morally in the right-- As for trans swag? Oh baby. She's got it in spades. First off, she is in fact, actually factually canonically trans (at least in my heart, and maybe also in canon too it's debatable but not too much there's so much gender in this girl). If that's not enough for you, she can turn into a cloud of golden butterflies. If that's not trans swag, I have no clue what is.

She's so evil she put me in a time loop to repeat this poll until I make her the first character to get one Beatrillion submissions. Please send help. She is simultaneously like twenty people and secretes gender like a mucus but in a cool way

i'm literally drowning in butterflies rn i cannot think of a more gender way to get eternally tortured for my sins

I think I mentioned tax fraud at one point? And murder. Lots of murder. She makes extremely funny faces, and that's kind of neat. Did I mention she's like 20 different people simultaneously because if that's not trans swag I don't know what is and oH GOD THE BUTTERFLIES THEY'RE BACK SEND HELP

eat the rich! eat the rich! eat the rich! eat the rich!

i'm still being punished for my sins and this is like. the sixth voter fraud submission i've done? that's pretty evil right i'm running out of words all i know is she can start speaking so wacky her words turn red. they transition to another color that's good enough to fulfill the trans swag requirement for this i think

i will not stop submitting her i need the best girlfailure serial killer gaslighting rich-eating menace to get a spot in this tournament

[nosolaceofastraightanswer]

ALGAMATION POST FOR S1E8 of the tua mass rewatch extravaganza :DDD

why does patrick look like the chad meme. i’m sorry. he’s just. i don’t know what to say it’s all i could think about for the first five minutes

hagnzel makes me sick omygos i need to sit down or something. i will never stop talking about them.

they really nailed the “awkward car ride with your family” vibes right there. diego looking all surly in the backseat 💀💀💀💀

did reginald legitimately call his family back for a bonding activity murder mystery game night because holy shit.

why did viktor ask leonard if he threw away his sandwich who does that 😭. harold fuckin jenkins i guess he is the kind of prick who would throw away a sandwich. maybe i jsut want a sandwich rn

i have so many thoughts about pogo. COMING SOON because i made a poll about him lol.

that animation scene is amazing. s1 remains supreme forever. the way she just covered up the problems and spun this fairytale version for claire? ufhffhfhhffh.

viktor is so cute when he’s happy to learn all of these things about his powers in the wood he’s just like :D woahg look at that harold how dare you.

good night girlies!!! mwah. this show is so good for the first season this cliffhanger? oughghghfhhffh. can’t wait for the next ep!!!! see y’a tmrw.

[idkbishsss]

Welcome to my blog, here’s an official introduction post(because I can)

꧁——————————꧂

Info about me:

My name is Jade. I go by All/Any pronouns:)

That’s all the personal info I’ll give you.

꧁——————————꧂

So you’ll probably see me post/reblog posts about:

1.Star Wars

2.TWD (main one rn)

3.Shitposts

4.Random funny goofy stuff

5.My obsession at that moment in time

6.Dinluke, PunkFlower, and Murder Husbands.

7.Itsv/Atsv

꧁——————————꧂

Do not interact if:

1.Homophobic

2.Transphobic

3.Racist

4.Sexist

5.Hateful towards any community in general

6.Stand With Israel

꧁——————————꧂

You may send me asks/anons(No 18+)

And here are my side blogs:

My writing and request blog: @ikbitchssss

My RP Ahsoka Tano: @ahsoka-sinps-tano

Tags I “own”:

#Idkbish art

#idkbish writes

#idkbish talks

#idkbish polls

I’ve tagged all of them below (along with others)

꧁——————————꧂ Other Socials:

TikTok: IDKBISHSSS

Spotify: IDKBISHSSS

[yuellii]

🪼i have SO MUCH TO SAY. i fear i will overtake your entire inbox with this because WOOOAHHHH USER YUELLI YOU HAVE OUTDONE URSELF first of all that LYNEY FIC. WAITED IN ANTICIPATION FOR IT THIS WHOLE WEEK AND HERE IT IS AND WOO IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT. MWAMWA I LOVE LYNEY!! poor guy doesnt know murder makes u Less Human :( or maybe it makes you more human since you succumb to the human Violence❓ NOT THE POINT!! SEE THAT LAST SENTENCE OOOH IT KILLED ME. anguish as in Regret for committing murder???! anguish as in Wait this didnt do anything lol :3 ANGUISH AS IN BEING HUMAN IS TOO PAINFUL ???? IS HE SORRY???? IS HE SORRY FOR GOUGING MY EYES OUT???? IS IT A TRUE SORRY??? IS IT TRUE REGRET??? CAN HE FEEL TRUE REGRET?????????????? CAN HE???? SECOND OF ALL THAT FOUR JEALOUSY STAGE POLL WAS EVILLLLLL i cant CHOOSE. between wriothesley and furina. THE THINGS I WOULD DO FOR BOTH . sliding down the wall WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN THEMM.... THIRD OF ALL. me personally..... since wriothesley seems to b winning the jealousy poll rn..... FURINA FOR THE RED VELVET FIC. BECAUSE JUSTICE FOR FURINA. JUSTICE I SAY. fourth of all. ty for all the things u do we love u mwamwamwamwamwa :3 <3

ueueuewaawwa NONNIEEE i love u so so much omfg u read like. every single post i put out, even my random talking ones fr i love yeww 😭🫶 + more utc

IM SRY THE LYNEY FIC TOOK SO LONG it was supposed to come out last week and then my midterms hit me and i got so stressed and anxious and — :(( but the anguish is… pretty much EVERYTHING U MENTIONED !! it’s up for interpretation ( but me, personally, id like to think that the weight of human emotions came crashing down on him all at once, to where he feels the pain of his own eyes + regret of killing you + disgust in himself the second the eyes cling to him ). smiles. :3

omg the jealousy poll is actually evil even for me 😭 this is so bad that i actually REALLY WANT FURINA TO WIN !! 😭 and it’s ok even if wriothesley wins, she will still get her version after >:]

AND YES I ALR HAVE FURINA SET UP FLR THE RED VEL SERIES DONT U WORRY …! just trying to decide on other characters teehee might do the archons, or the fontaine big four ( furina neuvi wrio arle )

[1d1195]

First of all bestie you could NEVER make me hate you especially over a silly hairstyle! And if people end be up hating on you for that… that’s not it lol also this is gonna part 1 of my ramble 😭

ANWAYS I’m in constant conflict with how I feel about that mullet HAHA at first I was like “a mullet?! WHY?” But then I saw the vision and kinda liked it😔 and rn I’m not sure tbh! BUT I’m not sure if it’s bc he’s HARRY and I’m just kind “blinded” by finding him attractive in general lol bc he’s definitely hot no matter what in my eyes so idk lol plus I fear I’m so use to seeing so many people have mullets (I guess it’s trendy now?!) that maybe I’m just not as big of a hater as I use to be lol btw I LOVED the visuals you gave! That tattoo roulette pic has me STUNNED the first time I saw it! And I kinda love you’re not an automatic lhh lover🤭 though I am a fan of when he had a middle part, like for when he did SNL so idk about my opinion lol

I simply am lowkey sick of my phone lately so idk wtf is going on lol though I love polls! It’s interesting what people are thinking! I genuinely don’t remember exactly what was the last poll I got to vote on but I remember clicking on a Sun kissed option and I was in the minority of votes 😭

SAM YOURE GONNA KILL ME WITH THAT BREEDING KINK!!! I will simply cease to exist whenever we get to meet that Harry😵‍💫 I truly love how you write your Harry’s like i simply can’t!!! And bestie I love when a man is begging and just groveling on the FLOOR for forgiveness!! Very excited 😌

Omg you’re of course one of those people!! Honestly I would have been more surprised if babies WEREN’T drawn to you lol I’m sure it’s just a vibe you give off like babies can see your pure and sweet heart! In another universe you most likely would have had your Honey moment or like a daycare moment! And omg that’s absolutely such an adorable moment and such a good concept 😭

Financial anxiety is so REAL! Especially since you mentioned how growing up it impacted you a lot! And growing up poor too, i totally get it!! It’s a very conflicting feeling lol

Omg bestie you don’t even KNOW how obsessed I was with fucking true crime and like paranormal stuff growing HAHAHA the true crime stuff now terrifies me now bc HELLO?!? But honestly some of these murder mystery books I got to reread again are kinda still a slay lol but the pottery stuff I got really into it in middle school and lowkey stopped reading it when the pandemic hit lol anyways finished sorting out some books so I will be donating them later this week!

Agree about the AC!! Growing up in school there was NO AC and we had to constantly suffer with the heat waves! Girl you’re like a young millennial which makes sense you would be drawn to that aesthetic and there’s nothing wrong with it! If it makes you happy then there’s no harm!

I always get so sad/worried when my dogs are slightly off bc I love them 😭 When I tell you the first thing encounter I had with my finaid office I fucking CRIED! Had to wait on a fuck ass zoom for almost two hours only for a MAN to tell me it was my fault(it fucking was a mistake on their end) and to just get loans and a payment plan was my HELL!!! My mom had to calm me down it was so embarrassing lol Anyways I loved that you gave that feedback and honestly very you and I love that!

I actually decided to shorten the black dress to like my mid thigh!! Sounds short but I’m not tall so it will look somewhat okay lol and the second one is actually a dark blue dress that shimmers when it hits a certain light! It looks black but it’s actually blue and I’m excited to wear it! That one will be slightly above the knee! And maxi dresses are cute! And I bet they look cute on you!!

Hope you had a lovely weekend! Hope it was restful and fun! ALSO I hope your week is starting well!! LOVE YOU!!!-💜

I'm putting a cut here because I wanted to warn anyone else that reads our pen pal letters that I'm going to talk about audio porn a little lol what an ENTRANCE to this message idk if you'll even be able to tell where my train of thought came from to introduce it like this 😂

Number one--obsessed with two part asks hehehe I love this for us. SAW THE VISION. I'm glad you saw it I haven't 💀 I think I def have this blindness as well but it's so trendy rn and I'm just NOT hear for it. If my bf got a mullet I would shave his head tbh. I just think his hair looked stringy and needed a wash and I haven't forgiven him for that 😭 I wash my hair every day because Harry and I actually have very similar hair and if I don't wash it every day it gets so greasy and gross (and before anyone comes for me I KNOW it's because I wash it every day 🙃 but I can't do it. I just feel better when I shower so what am I going to do? I do so little for my own self care ANYWAY)

I LOVE polling everyone. I think it's so helpful 😭 and I agree, knowing what everyone thinks really helps inform my decision and focus to write.

HEHEHEHE you may have already met that Harry Not to out myself here but I recently downloaded Quinn which is audio porn and it's *mwah* chef's kiss. It's giving me all kinds of ideas for Harry and I like to find the audios where the guy is all worshippy of the girl. Honestly, I don't even listen to it for the porn part I'm just here for the plot 😂 there's a couple brother's best friend's ones that have me salivating to write something. I'm AMPED.

I think in another life I probably will open a day care. I should have just taught elementary school the way the gods probably intended me to but alas. Knock on wood my group is... don't want to jinx it but I will say I'm not exhausted right now (at least not from teaching).

I'm not tall either so I get it. I love a shimmery dress! That sounds so nice! I've been getting tons of compliments on all my clothes recently so I like to believe I might be figuring out my own sense of style. Even the kids notice and think I look cute which is not the point but I think it's nice they notice because a lot of these kids are so trendy and adorable. One of my students from a couple years ago should have won best dressed. She could have worn a trash bag to soo. She was so adorable and I would ask for her opinion about what I should wear to chaperone prom/homecoming 😂

I hope you NEVER have to talk to financial aid ever again 💕

I had a slightly busy but good weekend. I was very productive and I'm trying to keep pace because I fear October is going to be busy as hell 🙃

I hope your week is going well too 💕 LOVE YOU!

[liathgray]

Ranking fmab characters worst to best

(Please don’t take this seriously)

1. Khymbleigh

- Lives in the sewers

- Committed mass murder

- Has a silly idiot hat

- Called me a dyke :(

2. Shou Tucker

- fuck this guy.

- Electric chair

- Also hes balding what a loser

3. Dwarf in the Bong

- mike wazoski lookin ass

- Literally the greasiest motherfucker on the planet

- Was one of the only characters introduced by NOT beating up Ed or Al..??

- Smells like rotten cabbage

4. Moy Rustang

- Incel

- Has stupid hair

- War criminal

- Teen dad

- Canon fat tits

- Useless🥰

5. Envy

- a bitch

6. Whorehenheim

- deadbeat

- Has never taken a shower in his life

- Only wears glasses because he thinks its quirky and cute

- Took the fattest bong rip of all time

- Also killed thousands

7. Tim Marcoh

- doctor and deserted the military

- honestly pretty chill

- But his name is Tim so... *cocks gun*

8. Bradley

- :/

- Killed a lesbian and thus is homophobic

- He wears an eyepatch despite having both eyes.

9. Elicia and Gracia Hughes

- tax evaders

10. Jean Havoc

- cool dude

- Cohntry boyy i luv youuu

- Did not look respectfully

- Smokes. Must be executed

11. Gluttony, pride and Sloth

- assholes but also what the fuck

- This boy like 10

- Wheres his babysitter

- fast????????

12. Armstrong

- his arms are strong

- Lil bitch

- Got his ass beat my his hot lesbian sister

13. Lust

- is sexy

- Murderer :(

- Big tibbies so she gets extra points

- She was just checking if roy and havoc were cake

14. Scar’s brother

- Truth took his cock.

15. Truth

- took Scar’s brother’s cock

16. Barry the chopper & the slicer

- criminals

- Almost killed Ed and Al

- Kinda sexy tho 😳

17. Greed (OG)

- greasy garbage man

- Got cucked after two eps

- Has dumb hair

- Was funny

18. Yoki

- He yo the ki or whatever

- I dont remember him

19. Fu and Lan Fan

- Legs for days!!!

- Breaking and entering

- Lan fan smugly cutting off her arm and saying “I beat you” awakened something in me

- Fu got shanked :(

20. Rose Thomas

- Maybe im gay. What of it?

- Almost shot Ed lmaooo

- Probably owns a ukulele

- Local

21. Greed 2.0

- stupid

- Beats the fuck out of Bradley

- Might’ve eaten dirt

- Went camping for five months instead of being helpful

- Aphobe :/

22. Ling

- freeloader

- Diabetic??????

- Smells like broke

- Gay little bitch boy

23. Sheska

- haha nerd

- I’m in love with you

- Was only in two episodes :(

24. Captain Buccaneer

- Off his shits always

- Took ten years to die lmfaooo

- MLM but a gatekeeper

25. Major Miles

- His facial hair is atrocious

- Otherwise? King

- Sunglasses indoors... ur on thin ice

- Turn around bright eyes...

26. Father Cornello

- So theres this middle aged man...

- Won the sexiest character poll on twitter

- Re🤢🤢 l🤢🤢. r-r-religous🤢🤢🤢c-cor🤮🤮 religious corruption

- Got gunched lol

26. Kain Fuery

- Has watched pulp fiction

- Haha glasses

- Probably volunteers at a animal shelter

27. Vato falman

- Skinny legend

- Genuinely cool and has development at briggs

- Go white boy go

28. Heymans Breda

- Has a moped

- Could crush my spine but wouldnt ❤️

- Crew cut 🤢🤢

29. Xiao Mei

- small and filled with rage

- Has good taste

- Gunch??????

- Literally so small please be careful

30. Gay chimeras

- TWO MEN

- WE’RE BURLY

- WE’LL DO WHAT YOU WANT

- cottagecore

31. Pinako Rockbell

- has been high off her ass for the past three years

- Sultry doctor who lives in a faraway town 😳😳😳 hello ma’am 😳

- Hair is definitely a weapon. Shits pointy

- Home wrecker

32. Sig

- wide

- Very wide

- Kiss kiss

- Only eats potatoes

33. Riza Hawkeye

- big arms big arms big arms biG ARMS BIG ARMS

- Would kill roy on sight

- she should kiss me

- rn

34. Maes Hughes

- had a band in highschool named frog soda or some shit like that

- Pretty cool! Nice to ed and al and winry

- Good dad

- Dead lol

35. Olivier Armstrong

- goth gf

- Sword.... sword hot.....

- Killed a dude for being annoying and I respect that

- Snorts snow and says its coke to freak people out

- Gay ass....

36. Ed Elric

- ok gay boy

- Makes everyones life hell. Good for him

- NERD????? A FUCKING NERD???

- I’d steal his lunch money

- No tiddies?

- :/

- Short king

37. Maria Ross and Denny Brosh

- wlw mlm solidarity

- maria ... hold my h-hand...

- literally had nothing to do with this but got McFcuked anyways

38. Scar

- acab

- Was right

- Dilf

39. Al Elric

- likes cats so he’s automatically superior

- Malnourished 😔✌️

- Cha cha slide in full armour

- Mean but only to Ed ❤️

- I love when he *king noises*

40. Izumi Curtis

- kiss me sexy woman

- Stole from briggs because fuck the military

- .. m...milf..

41. Paninya

- fucking superb you funky little lesbian

42. Winry Rockbell

- NERD!!! NERD !!

- Curb stomps her enemies

- Acab but also stole Riza’s look so 😳

- Is she.. u kno💅

43. Mei Chang

- her life is a YA drama

- gained a dad by being perfect

- bullies Ed

- is better than everyone

And finally..... the best character in fmab...

Resurrected Trisha

- 😳😳😳

- Yes i do the cookin yes i do the cleanin

- 😩😩😩

[saint-patrice]

torey krug for @bigbruinsenergy !

life:made 😎 nah fr, thank you for this request my friend!! i was very excited to do one for torey, he’s quite the character and i love him A Lot

Note: a few people have said they like these posts, so i’m happy to take requests if there’s a particular player you’d like to see! see this page (i don’t think it works on mobile because tumblr is a burning shitpile, sorry) for details, and a list of ones i’ve done so far :) i have quite a few requests rn, but feel free to keep em coming!

he may be short, but he is powerful!! or in the words of the bruins’ twitter account, “torey krug: angry”. an unforgettable moment from this season, torey was really living every bruins fan’s dream of completely and aggressively flattening a blues player in this moment. and i salute him for it

here he is, in all his glory, laughing his ass off at the entire new jersey bench. he’s honestly such a little bastard and that’s precisely why i love him. he’s full of love for his teammates and nothing but spite for everyone else. it’s very sexy of him, really 

baby krug!!!! isn’t she just the cutest, she’s so tiny 😭 the baby pictures have been just about the only thing making offseason bearable thus far

it must be a cruel god we have for him to put a 5′9 man (or 3 of them...) on a team with someone an entire foot taller than him. but it makes for great content so honestly, who’s complaining. this has the precise energy of a young girl playing dress-up with her mom’s clothes. it’s undeniable

the effort he has to go to... oh my god. he truly is a short king

i know brad and torey are always at each other’s throats on twitter but this... this is straight up murder, holy shit. “we just use your tongue to resurface the ice” - even i felt that. is brad okay?? i mean these tweets are old but still, that’s gotta leave a lasting wound on a man’s psyche. let it be known that torey krug takes no prisoners

just a father, lovingly cradling his tiny son

look at this dapper man!! while i very much appreciate the ‘peaky bruins’ winter classic outfits, some of them look kinda odd (please see: zdeno chara, 19th century plague doctor). but i think kreauty’s is really nice!! a good all-grey look, with that red tie to brigten it up. and i think his shirt is pale blue rather than white?? i like it. he suits the cap too. looks like a man i’d buy a new fountain pen and perhaps a pocket watch from

(gif via @pavszacha​) pray tell, why do we have the prettiest team? and what colour are his eyes?? green? brown? grey? who knows, but i love them a lot

he’s wearing brad’s stuff.

i would like to draw your attention to the shirt torey is wearing. no, you are not hallucinating. yes, his shirt says “mcavoy: i’m lovin’ him”. i need to know where to purchase this because it’s the only thing i want to wear for the rest of my life. additionally, it is a proven fact that no one loves the boston bruins more than the boston bruins. for real

the reason he’s so angry is that he’s short, and therefore closer to hell. however, i have adopted “i’m punching him then” as a frequently used phrase in my daily life, i must admit. it’s pretty good

i would now like to interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for a small collection of gifs of mr torey krug winking:

(gifs via @bradmarchrad​, @noeldozer​, and @kureally​) regularly scheduled programming will now resume

what’s a kiss between two 5′9 hockey guys?

this entire thing is comedy gold tbh. nhl 2003 for playstation. (my turtles). graduated from DARE. chicken and rice. iconic. i did get emo looking at ‘pro hockey player’ though like,, he really did that. he’s out there living his dreams. i am proud. and i’m sure there’s plenty of time for architecture after he retires too

he also has meme potential!! this is excellent because it applies to so many of life’s situations. particularly applicable to just about everything sweeney has done so far this free agency, but we won’t get into that

based on his reaction, you’d assume that the refs have just called a bad penalty or something (although not that they ever would), but no. he has in fact just scored a goal. $100 to anyone who is able to figure out why he is so displeased with this fact

...don’t speak to me or my son ever again

oooh take a look at these marvelous boys! extremely beautiful. black shirts are underrated imo, still as ~classy and refined~ as a plain white shirt, but it spices things up a little. poll: is torey krug a stylish legend? yes or yes

backes is just trying to celebrate the goal when along comes torey, resident nuisance. why is he like This

he has somehow perfectly mastered the skill of looking 14 and 40 at the same time, and it weirds me out a bit. i’ll just say he’s Timeless and move on

going to see a football game with the boys 💪🏻💪🏻 i cannot help but note the mild irony of torey in a gronk jersey - i would like a photo of the two of them together. also, this was posted here with the caption “brave of torey to post a picture where he looks like that next to three guys who look like that” and like torey, my man, i’m so sorry but i have to agree. the hat gives him a very non-threatening gnomish vibe. i’m sorry but it’s the truth

i have never in my life seen someone look so pleased with a simple fistbump. but you do you, man - whatever makes you happy. it’s also very deliberately delivered. it leaves me slightly confused overall. come to think of it, i don’t think i’ve ever seen a normal, well-executed fistbump on the bench, bruins or otherwise. hockey players are strange creatures

more tiny baby krug!!! she is so little oh gosh. adorable

a visual representation of all of bruins tumblr marvelling at patrice. me too, torey. me too.

TOREY !!!!! yet another murder, someone restrain this man before he can do any more damage oh my god

oof what a photo, i love this. and yet again, torey krug: angry. but we wouldn’t want him any other way. i love u, scorey krug!

bonus!

(gif via @marchnds​) i know this isn’t of torey, but i would be completely remiss to not include this gif of brad losing his shit after saying that torey looks like danny devito

 thank you for the request, i hope you enjoy!! 💕

[glittergummicandypeach]

QAnon: The Alternative Religion That's Coming to Your Church

(RNS) — It’s a rough time to be a pastor. An election year, national racial unrest and a global pandemic each challenged the usual methods of ministry. Taken together, many church leaders are facing the traditional post-vacation ingathering season with a serious case of burnout.

But there’s another challenge that pastors I spoke with say is on the rise in their flocks. It is taking on the power of a new religion that’s dividing churches and hurting Christian witness.

Mark Fugitt, senior pastor of Round Grove Baptist Church in Miller, Missouri, recently sat down to count the conspiracy theories that people in his church are sharing on Facebook. The list was long. It included claims that 5G radio waves are used for mind control; that George Floyd’s murder is a hoax; that Bill Gates is related to the devil; that masks can kill you; that the germ theory isn’t real; and that there might be something to Pizzagate after all.

“You don’t just see it once,” said Fugitt. “If there’s ever anything posted, you’ll see it five to 10 times. It’s escalating for sure.”

Conspiracy theories — grand narratives that seek to prove that powerful actors are secretly controlling events and institutions for evil purposes — are nothing new in the U.S. But since 2017, a sort of ur-conspiracy theory, QAnon, has coalesced in online forums and created millions of believers. “To look at QAnon is to see not just a conspiracy theory but the birth of a new religion,” wrote Adrienne LaFrance in The Atlantic in June.

Named after “Q,” who posts anonymously on the online bulletin board 4chan, QAnon alleges that President Donald Trump and military officials are working to expose a “deep state” pedophile ring with links to Hollywood, the media and the Democratic Party. Since its first mention some three years ago, the theory has drawn adherents looking for a clear way to explain recent disorienting global events.

Once the fascination of far-right commentators and their followers, QAnon is no longer fringe. With support from Trump and other elected officials, it has gained credibility both on the web and in the offline world: In Georgia, a candidate for Congress has praised Q as “a mythical hero,” and at least five other congressional hopefuls from Illinois to Oregon have voiced support.

One scholar found a 71% increase in QAnon content on Twitter and a 651% increase on Facebook since March. 

Jon Thorngate is the pastor at LifeBridge, a nondenominational church of about 300 in a Milwaukee suburb. In recent months, he said, his members have shared “Plandemic,” a half-hour film that presents COVID-19 as a moneymaking scheme by government officials and others, on Facebook. Members have also passed around a now-banned Breitbart video that promotes hydroxychloroquine as a cure for the virus.

Thorngate, one of the few pastors who would go on the record among those who called QAnon a real problem in their churches, said that only five to 10 members are actually posting the videos online. But in conversations with other members, he’s realized many more are open to conspiracy theories than those who post. 

Thorngate attributes the phenomenon in part to the “death of expertise” — a distrust of authority figures that leads some Americans to undervalue long-established measures of competency and wisdom. Among some church members, he said, the attitude is, “I’m going to use church for the things I like, ignore it for the things I don’t and find my own truth.

“That part for us is concerning, that nothing feels authoritative right now.”

For years in the 1980s and ’90s, U.S. evangelicals, above nearly any other group, warned what will happen when people abandon absolute truth (which they located in the Bible), saying the idea of relative truth would lead to people believing whatever confirms their own inward hunches. But suspicion of big government, questioning of scientific consensus (on evolution, for example) and a rejection of the morals of Hollywood and liberal elites took hold among millennial Christians, many of whom feel politically alienated and beat up by mainstream media. They are natural targets for QAnon.

There’s no hard data on how many Christians espouse QAnon. But Ed Stetzer, executive director of the Billy Graham Center at Wheaton College, noted that distrust of mainstream news sources “can feed a penchant for conspiracy theories.”

A 2018 poll from BGC found that 46% of self-identified evangelicals and 52% of those whose beliefs tagged them as evangelical “strongly agreed that the mainstream media produced fake news.” It also found that regular church attendance (at least once a month) correlated to believing that mainstream media promulgates fake news (77% compared with 68% of those who attend less regularly).

Jared Stacy said the spread of conspiracy theories in his church is particularly affecting young members. The college and young adult pastor of Spotswood Baptist Church in Fredericksburg, Virginia, Stacy said some older members are sharing Facebook content that links the coronavirus to Jeffrey Epstein and secret pedophile rings. He says his and other pastors’ job is to teach that conspiracy theories are not where Christians should find a basis for reality.

“My fear … is that Jesus would not be co-opted by conspiracy theories in a way that leads the next generation to throw Jesus out with the bathwater,” Stacy said, “that we’re not able to separate the narrative of taking back our country from Jesus’ kingdom narrative.”

Others are concerned the theories will become grounds for more mistrust. “Young people are exiting the church because they see their parents and mentors and pastors and Sunday school teachers spreading things that even at a young age they can see through,” said Jeb Barr, the senior pastor of First Baptist Church of Elm Mott outside Waco, Texas. He said conspiracy theories are “extremely widespread and getting worse” among his online church networks.

“Why would we listen to my friend Joe … who’s telling me about Jesus who also thinks that Communists are taking over America and operating a pedophile ring out of a pizza restaurant? … Why would we be believed?”

But Barr and other pastors I spoke with are reticent to police church members’ social media conduct. Instead, they try to teach broader principles. “Christians are meant to be agents of hope, to be peacemakers; the Bible says we’re not to be quarrelsome,” said Barr. “We’re not to be the ones spreading fear and division and anger.”

Barr also teaches critical thinking skills and encourages his members to read “boring news.” He will recommend news sources that are credible.

But teaching media literacy isn’t enough, precisely because QAnon thrives on a narrative of media cover-up.

Fugitt said it’s not effective to tell conspiracy spreaders that what they are sharing online is false. “Nobody joins a cult. I don’t think anybody shares a conspiracy theory either because they believe it’s truth.” Rather, he tries to address the dehumanizing language of QAnon theories that equate certain people with evil. History is replete with examples of where such language can lead.

“I can’t hate another person, but boy if I can make them less than human, that’s the Crusades, that’s Jewish persecution throughout history, that’s racial issues hand over fist there.”

In a fraught political moment, the pastors I spoke with worried that taking on QAnon, by addressing politics directly, would divide the church.

But QAnon is more than a political ideology. It’s a spiritual worldview that co-opts many Christian-sounding ideas to promote verifiably false claims about actual human beings.

QAnon has features akin to syncretism — the practice of blending traditional Christian beliefs with other spiritual systems, such as Santeria. Q explicitly uses Bible verses to urge adherents to stand firm against evil elites. One charismatic church based in Indiana hosts two-hour Sunday services showing how Bible prophecies confirm Q’s messages. Its leaders tell the congregation to stop watching mainstream media (even conservative media) in favor of QAnon YouTube channels and the Qmap website.

And it’s having life-and-death effects: It’s hampering the work of anti-sex trafficking organizations. The FBI has linked it to violence and threats of violence. And its adherents are downplaying the threat of COVID and thus putting others’ lives at risk.

The earliest Christians contended with syncretism in the form of Gnosticism, which blended elements of Greek philosophy and Zoroastrianism with Christianity, emphasizing the good-evil spirit-flesh divide as well as secret divine knowledge (Greek: gnosis is “knowledge”). Early church fathers such as Irenaeus and Tertullian battled Gnostic ideas, rejecting them as heresy.

At a time when church leaders are having to host digital church and try to meet members’ needs virtually, the idea of adding “fight heresy” to their to-do list might sound exhausting. But a core calling of church leaders is to speak the truth in love. It’s not loving to allow impressionable people to be taken in by falsehood. Nor is it loving to allow them to spread falsehood and slander to others.

“Conspiracy theories thrive on a sort of cynicism that says, ‘We see a different reality that no one else sees,’” said Stacy. “Paul says to take every thought captive — addressing conspiracy theories is part of that work.”

Article originally published by Religion News Service. Used with permission.

Photo courtesy: ©RNS/AP Photo/Matt Rourke/File

Katelyn Beaty is a former managing editor of Christianity Today and the author of A Woman’s Place. The views expressed in this commentary do not necessarily represent those of Religion News Service or Christian Headlines.

This content was originally published here.

[yoongisbbydoll]

Ah outcast was a sorta? interactive game on Twitter where we all were following along yoongi in this new game he was playing that quickly got dangerous? And there were polls to help move the story along it was honestly very fun it's ended but there is a bonus night, tonight! Where they are going to give us background and answer what was left unsaid although they answered quite a bit last night. Hope that helps!

i think i have seen something like this on a smaller scale with a seventeen kpop group murder mystery but it wasn’t as popular and it was a story through twt polls and threads but it got really confusing because i forgot where i was and i get really bored with having to wait for things to update 

i love the gfx of this i have seen though, i think theyre really cool but its lowkey annoying that they’re taking up the whole bts gfx tag right now because i want to see other people’s things

Anonymous said : I’ve been keeping up with it on twitter (it’s by @flirtsau!) but I’m lost too lmao

im pretty much on the outside of this whole thing and everyone is posting about it but im very busy recently and not in a perfect mindset so i don’t think i could really get into such a thing (even tho its over now) but im glad so many people enjoyed it and exposed such a young creative person to us!

Anonymous said : outcast is an au made by @/flirtaus on twitter, it’s been kind of hard for me to keep up and understand it all too;; it’s a game created by someone who felt like an outcast which traps other people in the game until they win it(?) and then they can go back to their normal lives but they won’t remember being stuck in the game. the creator is answering questions on twitter rn which clears some stuff up too!

why is it so hard for everyone to keep up on ahhhh im too much of a scatterbrain to get into this i think 

but thank you for the information! it does sound really interesting so i might quickly read through it if i find some time this week. but i am rlly picky about what i read for fanfics and stuff like that because i have specific tastes and if im not interested ill never finish

really though!! thank you all so much for sending me these asks i really appreciate it as i had no clue what outcast was really like until now!!

[viralhottopics]

‘Are You The One?’ Recap: So Bad For Them But I’m Doing Fine

Well, its Wednesday night and Im a bottle of wine in. Its time to love myself like that Hailee girl told me to and turn on some . Because nothing is better for your self-confidence then to watch other people fail. Miserably.

Last year Sams mom got in touch with me and this year its Giannas brother. Who will be next to defend their loved ones on the recaps? Carolinas great aunt? Stay tuned!

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Shocker, they all start binge drinking. Cant wait to see how much weight they all gain by the end of the season.

Little Mike is talking to Casandra about all the things he likes to do. These hobbies include taking long walks on the beach, gelling his hair and taking a daily measurement of his penis. His growth spurt is coming, okay?!

Casandra literally looks like a bobblehead and is like OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

Little Mike: I LOVE LAMP

Mike wants to get to know Cas but also low-key hates her for having a family and being #blessed. He legit calls her a daddys girl to her face and shes not even phased. He starts talking about how his mom is broke and his dad is crazy and Im like, woah, did I change the channel accidentally to ? This shit is way too heavy for me rn.

If I could describe the house in three words that they all could understand it would be: Drunk. Horny. Stupid. In that order. Because they arent planning on getting a real job any time after this, they decide to throw an underwear party.

Ozzy is like Kathryn is very sexy, idk what it is about her that I like. He says as she grinds on him in her underwear. Hmmm, I wonder what it could be that makes you like her?

They start making out and he tells her that tomorrow is his birthday. So obviously she has to have sex with him because of THE IMPLICATION. (Name that reference and I will marry you.)

Tyler and Taylor are both like hey this underwear party is fucking gross and Im like FUCK YA TEAM NORMAL PEOPLE.

Tyler is like everyone is acting trashy and Im trying to better myself. Woah, ok. Profound. Tyler def got lost on the way to auditions and ended up on . Either that or hes a fucking narc.

Apparently nothing makes Tylers dick harder than belittling the people you live with and he starts making out with Taylor. Overall, v hot couple.

Then the camera pans out to literally everyone just hooking up. , brought to you by Trojan Condoms.

THE GAME

The game starts with everyone being blindfolded and the boys tied up, which is coincidentally also the first scene of .

The girls have to smell the guys and untie the one they want to take on a date. Because thats normal. The first three couples to finish go on a date.

The girls start sniffing and falling more than cokeheads at an EDM concert.

Kari has some big-ass eyes so every time she talks she looks fucking crazy. Actually, she kind of looks like me when Im high but Im pretending that Im not high so Im overly opening my eyes. Idk, just trying to create a visual.

Karis like “I STUDIED NEUROSCIENCE ONCE IN COLLEGE, PHEROMONES ARE REAL Yeah, no one said they werent#Science.

KARI: This one time, in my neuroscience class

Kari picks Joey the trashman, who I thought smells like shit but I guess not.

Hannah picks Tyler and is like wow, this blindfold makes it so hard to see. I totally respect blind people. Wow, Im sure blind people everywhere feel so fucking complimented. Like look mom, that girl on TV understands my daily struggle for 3 minutes!

They can still hear you being a dumbass, you know.

Alicia smells Andre because he, and I quote, smells like Fritios. This is like the cheapest advertisement Fritos has ever had. Also, Andre its time to get some new cologne.

Andre/Alicia, Joey/Kari and Hannah/Tyler all win and they are going to go windsurfing. Thrilling.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Gianna apologizes to Hayden for being a low-key bitch last week and hes already well settled into his home on friendzone island.

Michael walks by and Gianna is like hanging on Hayden. Michael is very over it and Gianna is like . Fuck, okay.

Kam and Eddie are flirting and being cute and idk I like them so they better not fuck this up for me.

MY MOM: I like the girl with the grey-ish, purple-ish hair ME: Literally their names are at the bottom of the screen.

Carolina is very upset that Joey the trashman is going on a date with KARI (her name will be in all caps now because her eyes just make me feel some type of way). Carolina starts crying and shes like if youre not my match what is my purpose?! In the distance you can hear me screaming ITS WEEK TWO YOU DUMB BITCH.

THE DATE

Andre is the only one who can windsurf and Hannahs like”oh Daddy.” In the words of our President-Elect, everyone else is a bunch of losers. Huge losers! Failing at wind surfing! All talk, no action!

KARI is being really nice to Joey and saying hes fun and shes excited to be there and hes like ACTUALLY Im into Carolina. Woah. Okay, I know KARI may kind of look like Crazy Eyes but she seems nice and shes actually being genuine. So in my drunken state rn I am very mad for her.

Joey has officially moved to my shit list. And I dont even mean that because hes a trashman. Where he quite literally has to pick up shit. Get it? Ill see myself out.

Andre and Alisha seem to be getting along but IDK, they kinda act like little children. They talk a big game about how they are really into each other but I just cant see it. And Im pretty much a fucking expert at this show.

And none for Tyler and Hannah, bye!

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Andre and Alicia to the booth because the house isnt fully brain-dead. Everyone Is like “THEY ARE SO STRONG! THEYRE IN LOVE AFTER A WEEK.”

See, you say strong, I say fucking crazy.

And guess what, Im right motherfuckersNO MATCH.

Alicia starts crying and saying she doesnt want to be here. Damn, okay then fly tf outta here, what?

Hannah is like “HEY I KNOW YOUR HEART JUST BROKE, BUT IM GONNA GO AFTER ANDRE.” Its all about the subtle game. Hannah, could you like, chill your hoe ass down for a sec?

Hannah and Andre are talking and hes like I knew we werent a match and Im everyone at home is like wait you just told Alicia man, thats fucked up.

Andre and Hannah start making out because #drama.

Alicia starts flipping the fuck out and is like YOURE A LIAR AND A FLIRTER AND A MINGLER!!!

Whats a mingler? Just someone who mingles? I feel like thats real nondescript. Im going to need a full definition plz. DM me.

Andres like “THESE GIRLS ARE CATCHING FEELINGS!” Uh, its not just girls. Joeys over here acting like a baby back bitch.

Hoes, am I right?

THE MATCHUP

The boys get to pick tonight and this ought to be a shit show because none of them strike me as scholars.

Oswaldo picks KARI. Random, dont care.

Ozzy picks Kathryn because he wants that birthday sex. Ozzys like she makes me feel like home. Uh, Ozzy thats because you are home. Youre a local, your house is like, down the street.

Jaylen picks Kam, fucking up the thing she had with Eddie.

Eddie picks Shannon, womp womp.

Derrick pity picks Alicia.

Hayden, who is sporting a pair of capris, picks Taylor. Obviously Taylor wants to be with Tyler so this is def a surprise. She actually says those exact words and Hayden has now purchased a summer home on friendzone island.

Tyler says something fucking stupid about how Hayden is doing him a favor? Idk his foot is so far up his mouth and Taylors like 3 seconds away from putting her foot in his ass. So much for team normal.

Andre picks Hannah. Alicia is like “IT IS WHAT IT IS” but also wants to murder Hannah.

Michael caves and picks Gianna. WTF.

Joey picks Carolina and they kiss because THEY ARE DUMB THATS WHY.

Mike picks Casandra because shes his uptown girl.

Tyler picks Tee and they both are like, “Welp. Fuck me right?”

Okay, so this is sketch. Not looking so hot for them rn.

Were waiting for beams and Im drinking, thinking no fucking way are they going to blackout. Its only week 2. But in the words of President-Elect: The polls were wrong! The experts were wrong! Sad!

And yes, THEY BLACKOUT.

They all lost half a million dollars. Im laughing but its a nervous laugh because now they all are going to be on suicide watch or something.

Everyone has to deal with the fact that the person they are with is not their match. No Mike/Cas, Ozzy/Kathryn, Gianna/Michael, Joey/Carolina or Hannah/Andre. WOW. Major blow. Im loving this.

A sad song starts playing and people start crying. Damn, this just got as depressing as Mikes family life.

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from ‘Are You The One?’ Recap: So Bad For Them But I’m Doing Fine