#been carrying this love around since april and like. what am i supposed to do with it

[wikipediathefreeencyclopedia]

everyday i wake up and choose love and just once i would like to wake up and have it choose me back

[mysterynoel]

12 Days of Ficmas Day 12 - Blue Lions Count of Monte Cristo Inspired

Title: The Boar Prince of Remire

Chapter Title: Engagement Ball

Ship: Sylvain Jose Gautier/Ingrid Brandl Galatea, Mercedes von Martritz/Dedue Molinaro, Annette Fantine Dominic/Felix Hugo Fraldarius (and Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Female My Unit | Byleth, but despite being the main ship, it isn't present here)

First made: April 2021

Last worked on: December 2022

At another table sat two people not unfamiliar to the expectations of arranged crested marriages.

Sylvain Jose Gautier, heir to House Gautier and the title of Margrave Gautier, had been told since he was young that he would carry on the family line. He had built up a reputation as a philanderer for that reason; playing with the affections of many of the girls he met, knowing they were not interested in him but what they could get from him. Nobles had wondered about when he would settle down and take a wife while young woman had tried to enter a courtship with him, but he had turned them all down.

Mercedes von Martritz, though a commoner, had the distinction of being a crest-bearer. Many young noblemen looking to strengthen their house and name had sent letters asking for her hand in marriage, but she had refused each one. Her father’s anger at her actions was no secret to those in the merchants’ district, but she was adamant in her wish to either devote herself to the church or marry for love.

To say Sylvain escorting Mercedes to tonight’s ball earned the attention of a few guests would be an understatement. All around them, whispers involving a union between them swirled about. A few were excited gossip, though many were laced with talks of scandal and impropriety. The two had spent a few dances together in an attempt to enjoy the evening, but as the attention became too much for them, they chose to instead return to their table for a quiet discussion over a drink.

“How are you holding up?” he asked her.

“I was about to ask you that.”

“They’ve been saying those things about me for years. I didn’t think they would start about you. Had I known, I wouldn’t have asked to escort you.”

Mercedes smiled softly at him. “I’m not sure it would have been good for you to attend alone. I’m worried you would have done something you would regret.”

“You’re right. I would have.” Sylvain took a sip from his glass.

“Did you ever tell Ingrid how you felt?”

Panic crossed Sylvain’s face. He quickly composed himself, falling into his notorious playful smirk. “You sure you don’t want to keep that guard company?”

“Sylvain!”

He put his hands up in surrender. “Okay, you win. I haven’t told her. But what am I supposed to do? Walk up to their table, say, ‘Ingrid, I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen, leave your arranged marriage and marry me instead,’ and then pray to the goddess that it doesn’t end in my death?” He sighed. “I can’t do that to her. The two of them are going through with this for multiple reasons. The last thing I want is to make matters worse. Tonight, I’m here to support them.”

She took a drink from her glass. “Annie is the same way. I kept checking with her to make sure she wanted to attend, but she swore she would be fine.” She looked out at the dance floor to see Annette currently dancing with Ashe, no doubt surrounded by their own set of whispers of how House Dominic could help the heir to House Gaspard into a new era. “I’m happy he’s able to help her smile.”

“Returning to that guard, are you sure you don’t want to meet with him?”

“He’s currently working.”

“Mercedes, I’ve never seen you gaze at a man like you were when we approached the steps. It’s too late for me, but you deserve to find love. If anyone begins talking about you speaking to a Duscurian, I’ll stop them immediately.” Mercedes blushed.

[keefwho]

April 27 - 2023

2:00 PM

Today is supposed to be self exploration day so I’ll be doing some reading and maybe a few exercises for it. I do understand that all my problems are from within. I have a lot of beautiful things going for me if only I can recognize them. I think a big problem I’ve always had is needing constant re-assurance that my loved ones still love me because I’m so afraid of losing them. I know I tend to lose sight of what commitment actually means and how people are committed to me in the same ways I am committed to them. The solution is never to appease that need for re-assurance. The solution would be me learning to trust the other person and believe that they intend on sticking around no matter what. Gaining that belief would free me up to wholeheartedly pursue other endeavors with much less difficulty. I think the core need of any human is knowing you have loved ones to rely on. 

And this issue traces back to my view of myself. It’s hard to think that anyone else would want to commit to me when I wouldn’t even want to if I were someone else. And thats because I know everything I think and feel. I think and feel bad things sometimes, but so does everyone. Nothing terribly EVIL, things like uncalled for jealousy or anger, or ways to get what I want via selfish means. Even if I never act on them, I know they are there and it makes me struggle to love myself knowing these things. But if I could get in the head of literally anyone else, I’d almost certainly find things that would push me away. It’s just how people are. 

So then the solution to that is recognizing that thoughts and feelings aren’t what matter in a person, it’s only their actions. People can’t control what they feel, only what they do with it. I’m way too caught up judging my uncontrollable feelings and would benefit viewing myself from an outside perspective more often. If I could view myself from someone else, I’m sure I’m not a very bad person. Good even. Thats why people tend to like me, or at least not hate me. Maybe I could try to keep in mind that whenever I’m judging my feelings, it’s similar to listening to a troll try to insult me. It means nothing. 

If my self worth were calculated based on scores given by internal and external factors, it would be low primarily because of those negative feelings. But if the negativity of those feelings carries little to no weight then I’m sure this fictional score would shoot up immensely. 

This all ties back to the idea of thought defusion. I thought it was something I had down but apparently not. Recognize and ignore unhelpful thoughts, and use the helpful ones to my advantage. It’s an active and difficult process but it pays off if only I can stick to it. 

2:33 PM

I’m meant to be reading a fanfic right now but I downloaded this astrology app to help give me some direction when I don’t know what to explore. This month’s guidance REALLY put how I’ve been feeling.

“Your emotions are strung between a craving for independence and a yearning for all-consuming relationships. The ideal is a delicate balance.” 

I can’t say it better than this. I almost forgot I could want both at the same time. I want to become independent and strong so I can hold myself up and give my energy to others, but I also want to become fully involved with someone else and make them one of my daily priorities. I never really put thought into how both of these things could be achieved at the same time. Committing to someone else does not automatically negate my own independence. 

4:53 PM

Since I surprisingly took care of myself 3 times yesterday and once earlier today, I feel much more clear. I didn’t like to think that being pent up should matter so much to my thoughts and emotions but it really does. I gotta let this stuff out. Now I’m almost embarrassed for obsessing over it so much but damn how could I not of? It was BAD. 

[gleamglowsgraveyard]

Ask for a sirius request and you shall receive. I've been thinking about this idea for a while (and your writing is perfect for it ily) but how about a ravenclaw reader who is friends with james or remus and they introduce them? The one in my head was remus going to her dorm for a sleepover and bringing sirius and just being like "isn't she neat :)" and sirius immediately falling in love 🥺 no pressure if you dont vibe with it 🥰 ily bunches

i went to ravenclaw tower and all i got was this lousy stained shirt

pairing: sirius/reader

word count: 3.9k

summary: james and remus play matchmaker for you and sirius

content: ravenclaw!reader, fluff, it gets awkward (some of this was hard to write... 😭😭), dialogue heavy, you and sirius are very back-and-forth-y and witty (you’ll see what i mean), i know the title is long but i thought it was funny and i can do what i want

this was such a fun request!! i hope you don’t mind i took some liberties because i just immediately imagined remus and james secretly trying to match the two of you up for a while!! also i turned the sleepover into a party at ravenclaw tower!! (also also i came up with some cute ravenclaw girl ocs just for this, they were supposed to be minor but ended up having their own sideplots because i get carried away with everything. but they were fun to write! i gave them backstories and everything so if anyone wants to know more about them just ask :)

warning: mentions of alcohol!!

“You should meet Sirius.”

“Black?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, do you know another Sirius?”

You stick your tongue out at him and Remus smiles.

“What is it with Sirius, huh?” you tell him, adding a few drops of rain water into the potion before handing Remus the spoon to stir. He takes it and immediately gets to work.

“You and James,” you continue, idly counting Remus’s counterclockwise stirs in your head. “Not a day goes by where you don’t tell me I have to meet Sirius.”

In truth, you’d seen Sirius a few times. And he’d seen you, but neither one of you had actually spoken more than a few words to the other. Especially not since sixth year. Sirius had dropped Potions and Astronomy as quick as he could - the only two classes you’d had left with him. And seeing as you were in different Houses, bumping into each other in the common room was off the table as well.

But you had Potions with Remus and Astronomy with James, and whenever they could, they would always mention how you just had to meet Sirius. You sometimes wondered if Sirius was always being told he had to meet you.

“I just think you’d get along,” Remus shrugs, halting his stirring before you can even tell him to do so.

You both work in tandem for a bit after that, dropping ingredients into your potion and stirring when needed. You liked partnering up with Remus for this exact reason. You’d both fall into a comfortable silence and develop a good rhythm - you just flowed well together.

Once the potion is nearly finished, Remus speaks up.

“What about tonight? Isn’t there a party at Ravenclaw?”

“Robin says not to call it a party.”

“Well, that’s what it is.”

“Yeah, but we can’t call it that. At least not out loud,” you insist, not wanting your dorm mate’s wrath to come back later and haunt you. “It’s a quiet get-together,” you correct him.

Remus scoffs, knowing damn well that Ravenclaw parties are anything but. “That, then. You can meet him there.”

You raise an eyebrow in complete disbelief. “You’re gonna get Sirius Black to come to a Ravenclaw party?”

“What happened to quiet get-together?”

Damn it.

You quickly spare a glance at Robin, but she’s all the way across the room, scolding her partner for something he did to their potion.

“Good luck with that,” you continue, pretending to ignore his quip.

“We’ll convince him!” Remus assures you, as if it’s the least of his worries.

“Okayyy...” you sing, entirely unconvinced.

You’ve never seen Sirius Black at a non-Gryffindor party. He has way too much House pride to ever be caught partying in another common room. You’re almost positive you’ve seen him root for Gryffindor at Quidditch matches even when the team isn’t playing.

“Okay? So you’ll meet him?” Remus presses.

You laugh. “Okay! I guess!” you tell him, resigned. “But you and James have been hyping him up for a while, so don’t be surprised if he doesn’t live up to my expectations and I end up hating him.” You shrug a shoulder as you turn down the fire under the cauldron.

Remus just grins. “I guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

.

.

.

Despite your nonchalant attitude with Remus earlier today, you actually find yourself feeling a bit nervous.

“Hey, do you guys know Sirius?” you ask over your shoulder as you straighten your outfit in the mirror. “Black?” you add quickly.

“Did you just ask us if we know Sirius Black?” A shrill voice cuts through the air and you know immediately that it’s Robin.

You groan, “I know, I know, everyone knows-”

“Everyone knows him,” Robin talks over you, and then sprays a copious amount of hairspray into her already voluminous blonde locks.

You move out of her way so she can use the mirror and she gratefully takes the opportunity, stepping in front of you to fluff up her roots.

“Yeah, how do you not know him?” Bea calls from the bathroom, where April is helping her into her dress.

“I mean, I know him,” you say, flopping down on your bed. “But I don’t actually know him. You know?”

“He was April’s first kiss!” Bea taunts. She makes several kissy noises and then you hear her say ‘ow!’

“You’ve got to stop bringing that up,” you hear April scold, “It was second year!”

Bea giggles and then skips out of the bathroom, April trailing closely behind.

Bea has on a stunning yellow sundress with long, belled sleeves - going all out, as usual. The color compliments her dark skin beautifully, but you know she’s really only wearing it to lure in that Hufflepuff boy she’s had her eye on.

April has still yet to get dressed, always waiting until the very last minute, but her straight black hair has been flawlessly curled - presumably Robin’s work.

“So what is it? Why do you wanna know about Black?” April asks politely, leaning against your bedpost as Bea sits on her trunk to slip on her shoes.

“James and Remus... They’re gonna get him to come here.”

Bea nearly drops her shoe, and Robin spins around to face you.

“Here?” The two say at the same time.

“Is he really?” April asks mildly, voice much gentler than the other two.

You shrug and nod your head at the same time, giving them an uncertain look. “I think so? Maybe? If they can convince him.”

There’s a beat of silence and then the hissing sound of Robin’s can of hairspray fills the air once more as she frantically tries to get her hair to cooperate. At the very same time, Bea starts to rummage around her wardrobe, muttering to herself about how ‘I think I have a red dress in here somewhere...’

It’s clear they’re both doubling their efforts, hoping to catch Sirius’s eye.

You laugh a bit and then turn to look at April, whose eyes are stuck on Robin’s reflection. She has a solemn expression on her face, but quickly snaps out of her trance when she notices you watching her.

“So,” she starts, putting on a small smile, “You’ve really never met Sirius Black?” she asks, sitting down beside you and crossing her legs beneath her.

“No, but I hear you have,” you tease, and she rolls her eyes.

“Yes, the first and only boy I’ve ever kissed.” She rolls her eyes.

You hear Robin fumble with her can of hairspray but think nothing of it.

April continues, “Anyway, that was second year,” she waves it off. “I do have muggle studies with him.”

“What’s he like?” you find yourself asking.

April shrugs a shoulder. “He’s nice, I suppose. Funny. Asks the professor a lot of questions about motorbikes.”

You tilt your head. “Motorbikes? Why?”

“Who knows. I think you two would get along, though.”

“Why’s that?”

April observes you for a few beats and then laughs a bit. You expect her to say something more but she just gives you a slight nudge with her elbow and then walks off, most likely to go get dressed.

Well that was pointless. You didn’t really learn anything useful. But then again, you’re not sure what you expected out of a conversation with April, who tends to keep her talking to a minimum (She claims it makes her more mysterious) (And she’s right, too).

Oh well. Perhaps you could find a way to strike up a casual conversation about motorbikes with Sirius.

Yeah, right.

.

.

.

It’s a few hours into the party when the door opens up, letting in James and Remus. Trailing behind them, looking unnecessarily wary, is Sirius Black. He traipses around as if at any moment something in the common room is going to jump out and bite him, and you struggle to stifle a laugh.

You quickly wander off before any of them can spot you, fleeing towards where the drinks are. You figure that when they find you, you may as well be doing something instead of just lamely standing around. So you pick up the ladle and start to refill your cup.

April had transfigured her cauldron into one made of glass, and Robin had used it to concoct her famous sickly sweet, lavender colored drink that she’d aptly named ‘Robin’s Brew’. It was made up of a mixture of muggle and wizard liquors, as well as a myriad of different fruit juices. The taste itself was actually semi disgusting, but you get used to it after the initial few sips.

You ladle some more of the drink into your cup and then spin on your heel, ready to resume the search for your friends.

That is, until you crash face first against a broad chest, effectively spilling ‘Robin’s Brew’ all over whoever you just bumped into.

“Oh my gosh!” you blurt out, setting the now empty cup down. “I am so sorry, I-” Your words catch in your throat when you finally look up to see the person’s face.

So much for a good first impression.

Sirius waves you off, looking down at his now purple stained white shirt. “Don’t worry ab-” he stops in the middle of the word as he raises his gaze to look at you.

His lips are still slightly parted as if his voice had simply escaped him mid-sentence, and his expression is stunned and mesmerized all at once.

“I, um...” he tries again, but it’s as if he’s been put in some kind of trance just by looking at you.

“Oh, great! You’ve met!” A cheery voice cuts through the tension, and you both turn your head to find James beaming at the two of you.

Trailing behind James is Remus, who takes in the state of the two of you and grimaces.

“Met?” Sirius voices as he looks at James, sounding a bit dazed.

“Yeah, remember? Y/N!” James reminds him. “She’s great, right?” he grins, and you cringe.

“Oh, this is...?” Sirius slowly turns his head to look at you again. “Hey...” he says faux-smoothly, as if attempting to salvage your very first meeting.

“Hey...” you say back a bit awkwardly. “Um... Look, there’s towels in my dorm, we can all go?” you suggest, looking to the others for approval.

“Why don’t you two go?” Remus proposes instead, and you shoot him an alarmed look.

“Yeah!” James nearly shouts, looking at Remus as if he’s a genius. “Yeah, you’ll find us later!” he’s quick to agree, and they both start to walk away.

You let out a nervous laugh. “Oh, I don’t know if-” you start, not sure if comfortable enough to be alone with a man you just met after spilling your drink on him.

But Remus and James don’t wanna hear it.

“Alright! See you later!” James throws a finger gun at you as he walks backwards and then spins on his heel.

“But I-”

“Bye!” Remus calls, and then they both disappear into a small crowd of people.

You turn to face Sirius, whose shirt is still dripping and who’s watching you with rapt intrigue. He turns away the moment your eyes meet, clearing his throat awkwardly.

Soon enough you’re leading Sirius down the corridor that leads to your dormitory, trying desperately to remember whether or not you’d tidied up your area of the room.

The door swings open just as you arrive at it, and from out of it come April and Robin who seem to be having a serious looking discussion. They quickly stop talking as soon as they spot the two of you, and April is quick to storm off, leaving Robin behind.

“Oh, you’ll want to get rid of that,” Robin says with a wince, gesturing at Sirius’s shirt. “The stain actually gets darker the more you try to get it off... So...”

You give a heavy sigh. “Yeah, thanks Robin.”

She shrugs apologetically with both hands in the air and then starts to walk off. “Robin’s Brew! Patent pending!” she calls over her shoulder as she scurries off to catch up with April.

“What’s up with them?” Sirius mutters under his breath as you lead him inside.

“Well, aren’t you nosy?” you’re quick to reply.

You say it as a joke, but immediately wish you could take it back. What were you thinking?! You didn’t know Sirius enough to joke around with him like that! You didn’t know him at all! Hell, you’d just spilled your drink all over him, for all you know the guy hates you!

You spin around, ready to apologize, but then Sirius is laughing, and you nearly let out a massive sigh of relief.

“Uh-” your apology catches in your throat for a moment but you quickly recover. “Sorry, I-”

“No, it’s okay.” He shakes his head. “You’re right, nosy is my middle name,” he tells you with a shrug and a lopsided grin.

You find yourself smiling back. “Sirius Nosy Black, huh?”

He hums. “Rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it?”

“Oh, definitely.”

It’s silent for a moment as you both look at each other. Your thoughts leave you a bit as you get distracted by that strange way that he’s looking at you, but then you remember with a jolt that Sirius Black is in your dorm, shirt stained lavender and dripping ‘Robin’s Brew’ onto the floor.

“Um!” You scramble towards the bathroom and yank a random towel off the rack. “Here,” You toss it and Sirius catches it with one hand.

“You can, um...” You trail off but then realize you’re still standing in the doorway, effectively blocking his entrance. “Oh!” You quickly move out of the way, leaving a clear path for Sirius.

“Thanks,” he says with a slight laugh before disappearing into the bathroom.

Once the door closes you’re left alone, idly shuffling around, not really knowing what to do now.

This was horrible. All of this was horrible. You’re alone in your dorm with a man you’ve just met - sure he’s friends with Remus and James, but that doesn’t mean it’s not awkward!

You have to focus. You have to avoid any more tense silences. What would you say when he got out of the bathroom?

You suppose he did laugh at your quip earlier - he’d even added a little joke of his own. You’d gone back and forth a bit. It was easy to converse once you’d gotten started. But getting started was exactly the issue... You needed a good topic. Why can’t you think of a good topic?!

The door to the bathroom opens up and out walks Sirius, leather jacket now slung over his forearm and white shirt drier, but still equally stained.

You panic.

“Hey, do you like motorbikes?” You blurt out, and then have to resist the urge to hurl yourself out the window.

Sirius’s eyes widen and he opens and closes his mouth a few times, looking like a stunned fish, before saying “Motorbikes?”

You purse your lips. “Yeah, I was...” You shrug, trying to play off your very strange, very targeted question as just casual conversation. “I was just wondering... I dunno...” you say, leaning against one of your bedposts.

Sirius breaks out into a smile. “I have a motorbike.”

“Really! No way!” you exclaim, pretending to be shocked. Although you didn’t really know Sirius owned a motorbike, it wasn’t all that surprising considering what April had told you just a few hours ago.

Sirius’s eyes narrow slightly, looking at you as if he’s trying very hard to figure you out. “Yeah... I’m fixing it up right now...” he tells you, still grinning.

“Oh? Is it broken?”

He tilts his head back and forth a few times and then says “Not exactly.”

You cross your arms. “Then why are you fixing it up?” you challenge.

Sirius just rolls his eyes. “Well I’d argue that anything that can’t fly can definitely be improved.”

That startles a laugh out of you. “You’re gonna get your motorbike to fly?”

“Laugh it up now!” Sirius nods as you bring a hand to your lips, stifling your giggles. “No one’ll be laughing once I finish my flying motorbike!”

“Oh, I’d love to see it in action.”

“Sure, I’ll take you on a ride once it’s done,” he tells you, voice genuine.

That shuts you up. All of a sudden you find that you have no witty response. Apparently out of all the things that could have rendered you silent, the prospect of going on a ride on Sirius Black’s flying motorbike seems to have done the trick.

Sirius notices.

“I mean- If you want.” he quickly says, raising a hand. “I mean- Sorry. I know we just met, and I made you spill your drink, and I think I stained your towel with whatever that drink was - sorry about that too - but I-”

“Hey,” you cut him off, giving him a pointed but lighthearted look.

He gazes back expectantly.

“I’d love to,” you assure him, and he grins.

You don’t even remember what you were so nervous about. This was easy. Talking to Sirius was so easy once you got into a rhythm.

So you did.

You talked for a while, and when you got tired of standing you laid down on your bed, face down, head resting in your hands and legs kicking behind you as Sirius sat cross legged on your trunk in front of you. You talked about possible spells and modifications for Sirius’s motorbike, you bonded about all the times James and Remus had tried to get the two of you together, you even just talked about whatever nonsense came to your heads.

You were still talking (now both sitting on your bed) when the door creaked open, letting in April and Robin. April was asleep and Robin was carrying her bridal style. You notice they’re both barefoot, but Robin only has April’s shoes in hand - hers were probably somewhere in the common room.

“Oh, hey,” you say in a hushed tone, not wanting to wake April.

“Hey,” Robin responds, though she’s not quite as cautious with her volume as you.

Earlier today you’d have thought Robin would’ve freaked out the moment she saw Sirius, but if she cares about him being in the dorm, she doesn’t show it.

“She fell asleep on the couch. Thought I should leave her here,” the blonde explains as she pads over to April’s bed. She drops the shoes on the ground and then pauses to look at you. “Do you mind?” she questions, nodding her head towards the bed.

You quickly get up, striding over to April’s bed and pulling back the blankets.

“Thanks,” Robin murmurs as she gently sets the raven haired girl down.

You pull the covers up again and April stirs a bit but doesn’t wake up.

Robin finally acknowledges Sirius. “Hi,” she waves with a smile. Sirius smiles back. “Sorry, I didn’t-”

“No, it’s fine. We were just talking,” you assure her, and she nods a bit before turning her attention back to April, gazing down at her with a slight furrow to her brow.

“Where’s Bea?” you voice, curious.

“Went off with her Hufflepuff, I expect.”

“Mm. Is the party over?”

“Quiet get-together.” Robin corrects you without a second thought and you laugh lightly, sitting back down on your bed beside Sirius. “And yeah. I’m gonna go try to clean up a bit,” she says, sounding like the prefect she is.

You watch as Robin hesitates over April for a bit, smoothing the blankets over, brushing stray hairs from the sleeping girl’s face. It’s as if she wants to take care of her but isn’t sure how. In the end, she gives you a smile, bids a polite ‘goodbye’ to Sirius, and then exits quietly.

“We never went and found James and Remus,” you turn to look at Sirius once the door closes and he grins.

“I don’t think they ever expected us to.”

“You’re probably right.”

April stirs again and you get up to close the curtains of her four-poster.

“I should go help Robin,” you tell Sirius, and he takes the cue quickly standing up.

“Right. Sorry I kept you up.“

“No, it was fun. Sorry I spilled my drink on you.”

“No, it was fun,” Sirius echoes, and you give him a slight shove.

The two of you walk across the room and out of the door in comfortable silence, and once you’re in the corridor you speak up.

“So, hypothetically,” you start.

“Uh-huh,” Sirius assents immediately.

“If you wanted to... I don’t know... Have breakfast with me tomorrow...”

“Oh?”

“How would you go about that?”

“Hypothetically?” Sirius raises an eyebrow, as if double checking.

“Of course,” you nod.

“Well in this completely made up scenario,” he starts, “I’d probably meet you here at seven and walk you down to the Great Hall.”

You fight a smile. “Well, great.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah. Hypothetically I’d definitely be ready by then.”

“Perfect.”

“Glad we’re on the same page.”

You’ve reached the door that leads out of the common room by now, and you open it up, leaning against the frame. The rest of the castle is dark as it’s well past midnight, and you can hear the quiet sounds of nearby portraits snoring. You’d be worried about him getting caught, but with all the pranks the Marauders have pulled throughout the years, you know for a fact that Sirius Black had plenty of experience sneaking about the castle after curfew.

You watch as he lights his wand with a quick ‘Lumos’ and starts to walk off, but then he hesitates.

“What?” you voice as he turns around, walking back towards you.

He stops right in front of you, looking at you very intensely, scrutinizing every inch of your face. For a brief moment you expect him to lean in and kiss you, but then he speaks.

“I know you brought up motorbikes on purpose. That girl April takes muggle studies with me, and she-”

You quickly shut the door in his face and press your back against it, eyes wide and smiling despite yourself.

You scurry off to help Robin and a few others clean up, spirits high with the promise of having breakfast with Sirius tomorrow morning.

And who knows, maybe by tomorrow he’ll forget all about the motorbike thing. At least, you hope he does.

(He doesn’t.)

.

.

Bonus, the next morning:

“There they are!” James exclaims as you and Sirius approach the table.

“Did he live up to your expectations?” Remus asks you pointedly as you sit down, and you poke your tongue out at him in response.

And then you shrug. “I’ve gotta say, right off the bat I wasn’t impressed.”

“You’re the one who spilled your drink all over me. My poor new shirt! Ruined!”

“Oh, boo hoo. Where will you ever find another plain, white T-shirt?”

“It had sentimental value!”

“And now it has a cute new design! So you’re welcome.”

“You want me to thank you for a stain?”

“It’s a fun souvenir from your first time in a non Gryffindor common room.”

“I should write on it. Big letters: ‘I went to Ravenclaw Tower and all I got was this lousy stained shirt.’”

“At least the stain is purple, it looked nice. Suits you.”

“Are you saying I look good in purple?”

“Sure.”

“So you’re saying I look good?”

“I- I didn’t-” you stammer, and then groan.

“Ah-ha!” Sirius points a finger at you. “Outwitted by a Gryffindor! If only Rowena Ravenclaw could see you now.”

Across the table, Remus and James watch on in dismay.

“Are you already regretting getting them together or is it just me?” James voices.

In response Remus sighs, “Oh, it’s not just you.”

.

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(hey ps for the sake of my sanity let’s just pretend there was no easy simple drying spell they could’ve used)

also: about robin & april

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taglist <3 // @isxfisticated @l-adysansa @tomshollandz

[lunchboxpoems]

THE GREAT DEAD, WHY NOT, MAY KNOW

for Joan Paul, d. April 1978

No grief goes unrelieved; some days, half meaning to, I turn my undefended back on the grey & snarling scene of my dissociating pack and hope.

Some suppose that this post-natal life where all we have is time, is fetal life, is where as we bounce and flex in time our years of moons change us into beings viable not here but somewhere attentive. Suppose, borne down on, we are birthed into a universe where love’s not crazy; and that split out of time is death into a medium where love is the element we cry out to breathe, big love, general as air here, specific as breath.

I want to talk to those outlanders whose perspective I admire; I listen often to the voices of the dead, and it feels like my turn in the conversation. I want to ask, say, Yeats (or someone else it would make sense to, Crashaw, Blake, H. D. who worked out Sappho’s honey simile, Joan word-lover you too, all you who know what English has to do with a possible answer)

         * * *

And I’d say, to set up the question: Listen, after over a hundred lifetimes of summers of honey since Sappho’s, of beekeepers (who set out orchard rows of nectarplants to bloom before and after the appletrees,          who sow alfalfa or tupelo,          clover or roses,          “all roses,” all summer, then break the combs out of their dark and decant the honey heavy & flowery) —listen, it’s no different. Honey’s still dangerous. Honey’s pervasive. Hunger for honey scalds if satisfied. I know; I walk around dry-lipped; my throat burns, and the August air at noon ices it as I breathe because I’ve been eating honey right from the spoon

and (as you, outside observers, can recall) though petal & pollen nod golden & mild, honey here burns like gall and, having burned bitter          sweet     raw     hot generates a language for wild love not limited to pollensoft couplings of lovers; it generates the longing to use that language though there be not any one to speak it to. Such honey expressed as if it must be as love which colors all encounters and lasts long after one love has gone to seed, changes the throat of a speaker till it aches with expectancy as it asks:

         * * * WHAT (as at last I ask          you of the outland honeyed universe,          you great dead) what do you do with love when it is no more sexual          than I am sexual, when it is general —in me, not mine— and yet shapes the air, like breath, like a honeyed breath of air carrying meaning between me and everything there is; when as if it must it defies my daily exercise of savagery and cause for guilt; when it is absolute, too sudden to disguise, unmapped, unlocalized, stubbornly addressed to any eyes— though it find me no less slothful nor in any way more kind or wise?

What but (since the love is in the language) call it hope —that helps a little— and hope to imitate your inlands of example by praising the possible; what then but praise the ripening cure of language which plays among questions and answers mediating even love and grief, what but          —as the window the morning          as the foot the tilt of the ground          as the river the lights of its city— praise how the actions of language or honey seem in their transport to express, from the collected heat and sweetness of hearing and speaking,                    something smaller and more human than belief, some reason to read these thick omens as good and those outlands as relief.

MARIE PONSOT

[hogwartsfirebolt]

true things

a love story

It happened all at once. Saying it was unexpected would be a lie, but I was entirely unprepared for it, and that is a true thing. Recognizing truth is not within my abilities, I grew up learning the art of side-stepping and round-about conversation and it has left me with a lack of sense for truth, and a great many ways of dancing around it, so when my feelings for you became undeniable I did not quite understand the realness of them, could not see them even as they hit me square in the face.

I can pinpoint the moment they started, even though I didn’t become aware of them until much later, it was the 22nd of September and the air tasted of autumn and renewal and your lips of honey bread and lavender tea and we were behind your mother’s house and it was mid morning and I had just said terrible things about her not being your mother by blood and you knew, I suspect, that I was just trying to distract myself from the way you were looking at me, and I had to say it, didn’t I, had to tell you “god, will you stop looking at me like that”, affecting annoyance that was truly a whole lot of terror, but you didn’t stop looking at me like that, because you’ve never been one to listen when you’re told what to do, and instead you kissed me when I sure as hell didn’t deserve it, and that tore down the dam and the water came rushing through and that’s when they started.

It happened all at once.

Might’ve been that, had that been the only time, I could have gotten over it. Not immediately, of course, but after a few years and quite a bit of talking shit about you to my friends, I might think of you and not immediately associate you with the feeling of the wood against my back and the world between my fingers as you pushed me against the shed in the backyard of your mother’s house that first day of autumn and the unmatched (and, I’m sure, illegal in some areas) green of your irises and the sound of your laugh and the shape of your laugh and the taste of your laugh became things that I knew like my own mind.

Might’ve been, but we’ll never know, because I was deep into a friendship with your stupid best friend by then and was at your mother’s house every other Sunday and every other Sunday you would stare at me from the moment I stepped through that chipped yellow door and your eyes, which have never hidden a single thing in your 26 years, would zero in on my hair or the back of my hands or the scar beside my lip and then you would try to get me alone and I would refuse because I knew you were to become my ruin if I gave in, and already I would lose focus at work more often than not, thinking of that one kiss even as months passed, or of your eyes on me at brunch every other Sunday in your mother’s house or of the times you would brush past me while we helped carry food from the kitchen to the table or the single time I held a jug of hibiscus tea in my hands and my hair was all in my face and you pulled it back and tied it for me without a second thought. Already I could barely make it through my day by allowing myself to think of you only in small doses, which was increasingly more difficult as my repertoire of memories to choose from grew every other Sunday. I wonder how I didn’t realize then, but it took me months, still. Perhaps I thought being obsessed with you was simply something we all did. I’ve already said I’m particularly good at lying, even more so when it’s to myself.

Through all those brunches and all those looks and all that wondering about the freckles on your wrist and the dreams with your hands in my hair, it never occurred to me to wonder what you thought of me, why you’d kissed me that 22nd of September with honey bread and lavender lips, if you distracted yourself thinking of me like I distracted myself thinking of you. I never wondered, could only concern myself with my own overwhelming reactions to you every other Sunday and a hearty dose of self-loathing that I suspect convinced me that you were only aware of my existence as long as I was standing in front of you.

I’m one to turn inwards whenever I’m unsure, and so I think I might’ve come across as insular and aloof, which of course couldn’t be further from the truth, but I suppose you had no alternatives to think of when I avoided conversation with you at all costs and cut off all attempts to get me alone every other Sunday. I’m difficult almost by definition. Even when I began to understand, months after that one kiss against the shed in the backyard of your mother’s house, that you held a significant part of my heart, I could not bring myself to change anything at those brunches every other Sunday, was too scared to think of someone else having as much power over me as I knew I’d already given you without your knowledge.

The truth is that, at that point, there was nothing that would have kept me away from you, but as I’ve said, true things do not play to my strengths, and I kept pretending. The 22nd of September seemed far in the past, autumn danced its way into winter and she into spring and the narcissus by the shed in the backyard of your mother’s house bloomed beautifully before I showed up for brunch on a Sunday and it was just us two. You’d asked the rest to give you space, you explained, so you could talk to me. I don’t know how I didn’t bolt right then. That second kiss, the morning of the 16th of April, underneath the high arches separating the kitchen and the living room of your mother’s house, had me trembling from my toes to the tips of my hair and you said “shhh, shhh” and kissed your way down my cheekbones to my lips and I sure wanted to bolt right then, but not as sure as I wanted my feet to grow roots and keep me in that moment for as long as I lived.

You said “I’ve wanted you for so long” and my heart stopped because I knew you couldn’t mean it because how could you, when I am so difficult to want and never know what to say or when to stay or when to go, and that felt like an important truth but I wanted so badly to believe the lie that I kissed your honey and lavender lips and then between every other Sunday I would keep myself from thoughts of you only to melt against the shed behind your mother’s house every other Sunday with your lips on mine and your hands a heavy weight tracing over my skin in patterns I swore I could feel all through the week and when Summer came I learned what you looked like with grass stains on the knees of your jeans and I bit on my fist while you were getting those stains because I was scared of what my traitorous mouth would run with when you were allowed to unmake me in the way that you were at that moment and that’s when I told myself I did not deserve you but by hell I would still have you.

I became sure of my badness when I saw your goodness in childhood and I couldn’t let you let yourself have me without a warning and so I gave one, the next Sunday, under a heavy August rain and it was nearly going on a year since that first kiss and I had loved you all the way through and maybe before even that and I said to you that I am not meant to be loved and that all the ones who have loved me have been rotten and that I don’t know how to talk without poison and that I shoot to kill when I’m hurt and that I was the villain in the same story in which you were the hero and that people like me weren’t meant for people like you who deserve only the unbroken.

But your lips tasted of honey and lavender and rain and your name was fine-printed in every corner of my heart by then and even though my warning was full of true things, you asked if I trusted you and I said I did and you asked me to trust that you could tell the wrong sort by yourself.

Then I had you, and your honey and lavender lips and your unlawful green eyes and the shape of your laugh and your grass-stained knees and your heavy hands. And I always will.

This long-winded stream of consciousness came to me, much like Draco's feelings for Harry, all at once. It is an experiment with format that I really enjoyed. Thank you so much to @nv-md for stepping up at midnight and helping me make this weird baby make any sense ❤️

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

March 2021 Part 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. 

This is a LONG ONE, it’s been A WEEK everyone. 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Lovely Writer Ep 5 - a little slow this week, but at least Gene finally flirted back, and very cute flirting it was, too. Also we got Aey’s motivation, background, and love interest. Thank goodness for that. 

Brothers Ep 8 - still pants, what can I say? Clearly I am a BL masochist. Very embarrassing for everyone concerned. 

1000 Stars Ep 9 - the conflict over Tian’s father was REALLY well done. The plot of this drama is excellent, the leads are great together, and yes I totally cried. What, you didn’t? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Word of Honor (China) Ep 16-18 - big battle fighty fighty stabby stabby. Ep 17 switches to “this drama isn’t big enough for two chaotic-neutral godlings!” So what do they do? Drink together and bicker... A LOT. Then in Ep 18 we all get the dubious joy of really freaky puppets. (I HATE puppets.) Also how is China letting this be so SO VERY VERY GAY?  Also, I wanna walk through the forest wearing a smanshy purple robe and waving a big fuck-off white fan around simply because I’m a pretentious fuss monger. And frankly, I feel like this is an achievable life goal for me. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 4 - not gonna lie, this is looking to be one of my top 3 BLs of 2021. It’s SO GOOD. Big bonus to this ep for treating stalker behavior like the mental illness it is and not as some dumb representation of enduring love. 

The Most Peaceful Place is My Place (Vietnam) Ep 1 - finally dropped (find it under NƠI BÌNH YÊN NHẤT LÀ VỀ BÊN EM on O2′s channel). It’s got actors already comfortable with BL and looks pretty good so far. An angry tsundere uke reunited with his ex, a stoic chef, giving us lots of snap, crackle, and pop out the gate. 

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 2 - I want to love it, but it is just moving too fast. There’s not enough character dev and then they’re throwing flashbacks in? It feels like a treatment rather than a show, and a rushed treatment at that. Bummer. 

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 2 (AKA Ep 3-4) - let the cheesy popcorn continue! Idiot remains an idiot; ingenue remains an ice queen; nice gay guy remains nice and gay; obsessive stalker brother is getting ever more whackadoddle. Of course these last two have the best chemistry. (It’s caregiver codependency and the salvation trope. We got us a Leo/Fiat situation going on.​) Plus lots of classic BL tropes because OF COURSE there are lots of tropes. 

Occasionally, I am tempted to argue that shows like H4 or Cherry Magic or Ossan’s Love aren’t technically BL because of the office setting and age of the protags - but then they all behave like high school students anyway, so *shrug* 

Stand Alones

Cute little Taiwanese micro BL Friend or Lover dropped, about bisexual realization within a friendship group. Normally these are too short for me, but this one did pretty good with its 15 minutes of charm, plus it’s abad boy + shy softy pairing. 

Breaking News - Thai BL

Fish Upon the Sky released its actual trailer. The upside-down kiss is gone, which makes everyone sad, and it seems far less rivals to lovers than the first iteration, which makes ME sad. But it still looks good and a more classic BL than GMMTV has given us in a while. New trailer focused more on the makeover trope and they’ve upped Mix’s role (the object of everyone’s affection) now that he’s proved himself. (Or they are using him more to carry the trailer since he has a fan base form 1k*). Starts April 9 on GMMTV in 1K*’s time slot, probably with a 10 ep run. 

2gether the movie is apparently coming April 22 to Thai theaters. F4 Thailand must be having issues or GMMTV just wants to milk the BrightWin cash cow. It’s rumored to be a combination of 2gehter + Still 2gether with some extra scenes and ending. Also, one assumes a lot will be cut out, if it’s movie length.

Call It What You Want released its updated trailer. If anything, it looks more scary than before. What are we in for? April 9th. 

Nitiman got a release date, May 7 on One31. 

I Told Sunset About You 2 got an updated release date of May 27 on LineTV. 

Second Chance the series is coming to LineTV on March 29. I don’t know much about this one. Tons of familiar faces (mostly TharnType side dishes) and some nice looking new talent but a dearth of eng subs. I think it may take on Brothers’ time slot. Line did eng subs for Brothers so maybe they will do 2nd Chance too? 

Close Friend the series is coming April 22. This is a combination of 6 couples with 6 story arcs as music videos (maybe)? It’s an epic fan service with familiar faces like OhmFluke (UWMA), MaxNat (LBC also in Y-Destiny), YoonLay (YYY also in Y-Destiny), KimCop (GenY), and JaFirst (TT2).

Y-Destiny starts March 30, and has starting dropping couple’s trailers. I’m still suspicious given the director but it seems like there is plot (or plots) and a theme. Looks to be a series of 7 single ep vignettes (amended, see comments, might be 2 eps each for 14 eps total), different couple each time, some with supernatural elements, all with decent chemistry and acting chops. 

Sun MaxNat’s tutor/student arc

Mon jaded rich kid meets poor innocent  

Tues sports romance enemies to lovers 

Weds the messy realistic actual dating one 

Thurs hot ghost boyfriend (sad) 

Fri YoonLayPerth coping with loss and finding new love (sad). This one will all rest on Lay's acting so we know it’s in safe hands. Our boy is going to KILL it. 

Sat time-slip memory loss reunion romance 

I’m thinking we can’t expect any of these to end happy or be classic BL. They’re gonna be more slice of life-ish. 

Gossip - BL Outside of Thailand 

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) got a legit teaser (eng sub here). @curriculumvtae​ reports that it’s releasing April 15th on WeTV (Philippines & Thailand) and Idol Romance (South Korea), while Will of Thai Bl says it’ll be on Viki too. It’s a short run of 8 ep built on a fake relationship trope (arranged marriage variant):

Ryu Ho Seon’s (Kang In Soo from You Wish) arranged marriage turns out to be with his expected bride’s brother, Choi Ki Wan (Lee Se Jin from Mr Heart). Ryu tries to undo the marriage, but his ill mother opposes this saying the scandal would be too much. Meanwhile, Kim Tae Hyeong (Jang Eui Soo from Where Your Eyes Linger), a senior at Ryu’s school, comes to congratulate him and falls in love with Choi. Then one day, the original bride disappears.

Okay it seems a bit twisty turny for ONLY 8 EPS, but oh my goodness how excited are we? Our first intentional historical BL out of Korea!

We already knew Hong Kong was doing a remake of Japan’s Ossan’s Love under the same name (not my favorite Japanese BL but so very popular) but it’s now reported to be coming to Viu in June. Who knows how the CFA will take it. Depends on whether Hong Kong bows before the NO GAY KISSES regs or if they are going to use this as a political nose thumb... things could get cray with this puppy (the original has several kisses and s shower scene). Are we back in Addicted territory only with added comedy and civil unrest?

Speaking of Japan, Absolute BL (AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko) dropped sooner than anyone thought, March 27. But being Japanese who knows how/when/if we get subs. Protag finds himself trapped in a world of BL, but being straight he fights against any hot guy that draws near, but the whole world (literally) is conspiring against him. It’s a parody adapted from a yoai.

What with Absolute BL from Japan plus Lovely Writer and Call it What You Want from Thailand, is 2021 the year of BL being ultra self referential? Sure feels like it.

In Case You Missed It

Faded a gay micro film from Taiwan from 2017 deals with parental acceptance and serves up a ton of BL tropes (piggyback, forehead kiss, etc). I’m pretty sure this was a propaganda piece for legalization of gay marriage, and it’s an interesting nugget of BL history as a result. Yes, it ends happy. It’s cute. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

Man there’s a lot going on right now! Spring has sprung... I suppose. 

P.S. I cannot believe I missed Absolute BL as a blog name. Numbnuts = me. 

[yourwitchmama]

The Full Corn Moon (September 1st at 10:23 PST)

Wait, isn’t it supposed to be the Harvest moon? The full moon that happens nearest to the autumnal equinox (which is on September 22 or 23) is, but this year is a little different. When September’s full Moon occurs early in the month, the full Moon of early October lands nearest to the autumnal equinox, and therefore takes on the Harvest Moon title instead.  This rare full moon is also a highly emotional moon, because not only is Neptune in Pisces, but the Moon is also in Pisces AND in Cancer. Because of this correlation, this moon represents the deeply spiritual nature of family. This doesn’t only have to be in your personal life, this also means the world as a whole.   This Full Moon is profound since it focuses on the knowledge that family is the foundation of every society and community in the world. This full moon, we're going to be deep in our feelings. This moon will also affect each sign in a unique way, so I am going to go through each sign briefly and tell you what this moon means for you. The unpredictable energy of Uranus' influence will make us more open minded and experimental, so be prepared for the unusual to pop into your life! This sudden weirdness ultimately paves a new path that leads to new opportunities in your life path.

Aries: (March 21 - April 19)

You will be embodying the essence of “The Hermit” tarot, taking all of your emotion inward for some well needed introspection and contemplation. You will be more receptive to your higher self at this time, so listen to your gut during this full moon. You may also find that what you have been doing isn’t serving you, or that some of your thoughts or feelings are on the more irrational side and need to be looked at closely in order for you to grow as a person.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

The energy for this moon in Taurus embodies the “3 of Cups” tarot. You may feel like you have been keeping your emotions to yourself… This moon urges you to reach out to friends with honesty and openness. It will help your friendships grow and create a more solid platform for your relationships. Focus on your friends when this full moon occurs… It is not the time to close up,  you will be strengthening your bonds with your friends if you choose to be more open.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

The energy of this moon for you is the “3 of Pentacles” tarot. This moon blesses your work life, giving you inspiration for new ideas, and motivation to put those ideas in motion. This moon is about inspiration and emotion, so whatever you have felt in your heart for a long time, this is a good time to put it in motion if it is work related. This could be art, writing, selling things online, or even just gathering motivation to go to your everyday job. 

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

This lunar energy will bring about the energy of the “5 of Swords” tarot. Be introspective about your beliefs and philosophies with this full moon. It is okay to change your mind on something. You are a forever evolving being who is always growing. Don’t stifle that growth by being stubborn about believing something. Accept new ideas and new philosophies with open arms, and respect others with different ideas from your own.

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)

The lunar energy surrounding you will be resembling the “Strength” tarot card. This card is traditionally under Leo, but the difference is, you may be feeling vulnerable and unsure of yourself. Take this time to analyze your shadow self. What pisses you off the most? Grosses you out? Why? Are you hiding a truth about yourself you are ashamed of? For example, maybe you dislike loud and successful people because you secretly feel small and weak. Looking at the vulnerable sides of yourself is going to be easier with this full moon. Find time to strengthen your shadow self so you will diminish unneeded anger and resentment in your everyday life.

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

You will have the “5 of Swords” energy surrounding you with this moon. This is about taking a break from your own self improvement to better the relationships around you. You may feel like you have had conflicts lately, so this pisces/cancer moon is a perfect time to take a good look at your relationships and how they are going for you. Relationships can also serve as a mirror of our own issues, so take the right steps in welcoming in new opportunities to strengthen the bonds you have with other people.

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

This moon embodies the energy of the “The Sun” tarot for you. You may feel like you are giving to others more than you give to yourself, or that you are lacking some fun.  This energy tells you that it is time to relax and let go, allowing yourself to experience what you enjoy. Take a relaxing bath, watch a movie, eat an entire tub of ice cream… Unwind and enjoy the pleasures of life. You will recharge and feel ready to take on the world again.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

This moon embodies “The Empress” tarot for you. This is going to be a highly emotional time for you, so take this time to enjoy the luxuries of life and to stop worrying about things for a while. Maybe that means painting, listening to good  music, writing, dancing, playing music, or any other form of self expression. Being creative will not only be easy for you with this moon, but it will be healing for you as well.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

This moon will bring the energy of “The Lovers” tarot into your life. This is a time to focus on your closest loved ones, especially in the realms of romance. Having a deep talk with someone will inspire creativity within you, and these deep conversations will bring you closer and leave you feeling fulfilled and content in your relationships.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

You may have an emotional buildup, you might even feel like you are going to explode. This moon brings “The Tower” energy for you. This moon will provoke a release, and though it may feel like a catastrophe, it is ultimately healing and needed for you to move on with your life. Don’t avoid your emotions, dig deep and see what you pull out. It may be painful, but it is needed for you to move on.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

This moon carries the energy of the “Six of Pentacles” tarot for you. You might get caught up spending money, time, and resources that don’t mean a lot to you spiritually or emotionally. Being charitable is going to give you a lot of satisfaction at this time, so giving advice, giving something for free, or anything else you can think of that is a sort of sacrifice is going to be good for you spiritually at this time. It will come back to you threefold, so start investing in that good karma!

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

You are going to be full on pisces mode during this moon, embodying the nature of the “Knight of Cups” tarot. Let yourself explode creativity, passion, dreams, intuition, and emotion! It is okay to cry over nothing, to laugh out of nowhere, to dance for no reason, to be spacey during an important event… Those intense emotions bring creativity and make the world a better and more interesting place. Feel and embrace whatever comes your way with no shame! 

No matter what sign you are, you will have a highly emotional experience that will ultimately bring positive change in your life!

[fandomscombine]

It's the Lease I Can Do

Platonic! Weasley Twins x Reader

BG: The Weasley twins are so close to having their joke shop become a reality. They had found the perfect location but they had hit a minor problem that could cause them everything. You want to help, but how can you when they, the birthday boys themselves had given up?

a/n: I had this idea for a almst a year now and waited til ther twins bday to write it. I hope you enjoy.

WC: 2111

>>>MASTERLIST<<<

Fred and George causing a ruckus in the common room is a daily occurrence that everyone is accustomed to. However ever since the start of Year 7, the amount of commotion these two had caused can be counted in one hand.

At first glance, it could be attributed to NEWTS or in this year's case-to a pink toad acting as High Inquisitor. Still, more and more nights the twins had claimed the back corner of the common room.

~

The last remaining batch of students were making their way through Filch's checkpoint (an added security protection which also serves for Umbridge having a list of names on who comes in and out of Hogwarts). You glanced down at your watch- 2:27pm, they’re late. Weird, the twins never pass a chance to go to Hogsmeade.

You hear the castle door open behind you. Thank Merlin, you thought but instead you were greeted with a disheveled Angelina. “I’m coming! Wait!”

“Have you seen Fred and George?” You called as she ran past you.

“I think I saw them in the common room!” Angelina shouted back.

The common room? “What are they up to now?” You sighed. Stomping heavily up the stairs. “Ditching me….”

~

“Oi Weaslebees! I know you’re in here!” You rounded the corner of their secret spot. “AHa!”

You caught them red handed, midway into shoving papers into their “Weasley & Weasley'' Trunk. Though what they were hiding, you weren't exactly sure.

“Y/N!” Fred greeted, grabbing onto your shoulders, effectively covering George and the table. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

Narrowing your eyes at him. “Really?” Hands on hips you blatantly say “2:15 am, courtyard?? Ring any bells?” Fred shook his head.

Meanwhile George’s head shot up. “Oh shit, y/n we’re so sorry!”

Fred turned to his brother, still clueless on what the heck George was talking about.

Abandoning the trunk, George gave his twin a classic smack on the head. “Hogsmeade, you idiot! We were supposed to all go together.”

“OHHHH FU--” Fred knew he was screwed. “I’M SO SORRY! WE’RE SORRY.” Seizing the messy trunk, he strategized. “Right, here’s the plan: I’m gonna quickly drop this off back in the dorm while you two make your way to the gate. If you run, I guess you can make it. I’ll catch up with you two then.”

“Fred….. We’re not gonna make it” you argued.

“Not if we don’t try.”

“It’s almost 3, Filch would be closing the gates by now.” You sat down on Fred’s empty seat. “Besides we can go to Hogsmeade next time, we could just hang out here. I miss having my best lads around.”

“Awww…we’ve been upgraded from annoying pricks to best lads!” Gushed George, pulling you into a side hug.

“Yea, I could help in whatever it was you guys were doing before I came. I don’t mind.”

At that, you could feel George tense up, his arm around you dropping. “Uhhh…” He looked to the older twin, silently conversing.

You gaze between the boys, sometimes they get so caught up in their scheming that they don’t notice that to others, especially those who had known them for years that their non verbal communication is not so sly.

In the end, Fred gave his brother a subtle shake. “No, that’s alright. I’ll just put this back and we could play gobstones or something, anything you like.”

As Fred headed up to his dorm room, you noticed a piece of paper under the table. Picking it up, the header caught your eye. RE: Lease Agreement. Were the twins looking for a new home after graduation? You didn’t mean to pry. You were close friends, they would tell you if they were moving right? This is big news….you decided to brush it off until another line caught your attention. The shop premise located at Number 93 Diagon Alley. Shop? They are trying to set up shop? That’s brilliant! The twins would get to showcase their inventions to the world! You could feel your pride swell. Leasing Agreements would not proceed if tenants, Mr. Fred Weasley and Mr. George Weasley, are unable to provide an endorser by the date of 31st of March.

“Where’d you get that?” George standing across from you, gobstones on one hand and another pointing at the document. There’s no backing out now.

“It was under the table.” You explained. “I didn’t know you were this far along with the shop.”

“Yea, well it’s not happening now is it?”

“What?”

“Cmon y/n. I know you read it.”

“I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s alright. We aren’t getting the place anyway.”

“Wait what? Why?”

“No endorsers.” George stated matter of factly but you sense the pain in his voice.

“How about your parents surely-”

George laughed. “As if mum would suddenly have a change of heart. You knew how she disapproves of our inventions, calling it a waste.”

“Arthur then.”

“Mum won’t let him.”

“Anyone then?” George huffed in defeat. “How about me! I could back you up.”

“You have to be an adult with a proven financial stability.” He stated, effectively shutting you down. “Forget it y/n. The hold ends in 3 days. We’ve tried everything. Just don’t let Fred know that you know. He’s devastated. Promise?”

“I promise.”

“And no pity, sad eyes!” He added as footsteps are heard descending the staircase.

“But I suck at poker faces!”

“Then let’s hope that Freddie is distracted even to not notice.”

~

It’s been 4 days since you had sent the letter to your father.

“Dear papa,

I know that this is a huge favour to ask but I believe it would be worth your while.

So remember back in the summer when you caught Fred Weasley, George Weasley and me snooping around with the Extendable Ears but let us go because you were so enamored?

Well turns out the twins and trying to get a shop up and running! How amazing is that?

The only problem is that they need an endorser to back them up in order to proceed with the lease agreements. The are currently on hold for the Shop Number 93 in Diagon Alley until the 31st.

This is where the huge favour comes in. Could you please be their backer? You did say that you’d love to help in some part in their invention, be an investor of sorts. Please papa. I would love to do it myself but I have to wait a couple more months to qualify. Plus it’s their 18th birthday on April 1st. Imagine their surprise if it were to come through.

I’d love to hear from you soon, regardless of your choice.

Your favourite child

y/n.”

The twin’s 18th birthday was spent with absolute love and madness.

Lee had unloaded his stash of butterbeer and firewhiskey, Fred had slipped Angelina with one of their new prank inventions- which changes the person into a sickly color of vomit green, a perfect way to ditch class or events.

Upon learning that the color would last for a few days and would only fade with the ingestion of an antidote, antidote that George said they still had yet to create. Angelina (understandably) threw cake at them. The Gryffindor chaser with perfect aim, hits its mark. However, Fred using his beater skills, instinctively blocks the incoming cake.

Resulting in a wide splat zone. Fred’s arm was covered in frosting, having sprayed everyone around him in whipped cream during the impact. George wasn’t safe too, despite being across from Fred, the rebounce of the cake had made him the new target.

You had just changed into your pajamas when a tapping sound came from your window.

Your family owl, Lanny, was outside carrying a large yellow envelope.

Quickly letting him in, you gave Lanny a gentle pat and brought out some owl treats for the tired bird.

Unscrolling the note tied to his leg, you begin to read.

“My dearest y/n,

My sincere apologies for the late reply, it’s been quite hectic at work.

In regards to your favour, you need not worry. Everything is taken care of. I had met with the landlord of Number 93 Diagon Alley and had all the documents settled. I had also gone and checked to make sure the two lads aren’t being ripped off. Fred and George had picked a nice prime location.

Greet them a happy birthday for me alright? And tell them that I look forward to witnessing them succeed in their endeavors.

They would undoubtedly be bringing a lot of much needed joy into these darkening times. The people would be thankful for them.

I also had Lanny bring the twins’ copy of the Lease Agreement.

I can’t wait to see you all soon.

Much love,

Papa.”

~

Fred was grateful that their friends had retired into the night, leaving him and George to sulk into the dreadful reality.

“We were this close Georgie, this close!” Fred winced, pinching his fingers close without touching.

“I know but there was nothing else we could have done.” consoled George but even he himself was having a hard time. Number 93 was the perfect location for their joke shop. But now it’s gone.They are back to square one, scouting for locations.

“Fred! George! There you are! I have great news!” You yelled, not caring if you could wake up the other students.

“Oi Y/N! Be careful!.” Even in a bad mood, Fred Weasley couldn’t help being protective.

You banged the envelope on the table. “Surprise! Happy Birthday! From papa and I.”

“Another gift?” wondered George.

“So you don’t want it then?” You challenged, crossing your arms. You tried to look intimidating but the pajamas weren’t doing any good. “Cause I bet a hundred galleons that you’d shit your pants if you were to reject it.”

“That confident eh?” Smirked Fred, taking the contents of the envelope out. “ What do you think is so grand that Georgie and I would---BLOODY HELL! Y/N!” Fred kept looking down at the paper and up to you, unbelieving.

“What is it Freddie?” asked George leaning over to read whatever it was that left his brother speechless.

Re: Lease Agreement

Mr. y/l/n has submitted his endorsement to Mr. Fred Weasley and Mr. George Weasley.

The turnover of the leasing property of Shop Number 93 Diagon Alley would begin on April 1st …..

“Oh My- Y/n? Is this real?” George whispered, afraid that if he were any louder this dream would end.

“Yes, absolutely, 100%.” You affirmed. “The shop is yours! Opff-”

George embraced you tight, catching you off guard. You could feel your right shoulder getting wet. “Heyya big guy, don’t cry.” Running a hand up and down his back.

“But how?” Fred with brows creased was still stuck in a trance, you could see the paper shake in his grasp.

“You left the agreement noticed a couple of days ago. I might have accidentally read it. George said to not let you know cause you might get angry-”

“YOu KNEW?!?”

“George only knew I saw the paper. Nothing else.” You defended. “I thought i might try and help, so I called in a favour with papa. You knew how much he was impressed with the Extendable Ear, so I mentioned if he wanted to back you up. I only got his reply just now, said he’d love to and got onto ironing out the paperwork and viola!” Pointing at the document. “Oh and he also said Happy 18th Birthday, looking forward to your success and the people would be thankful for bringing a lot of much needed joy into these darkening times.”

“Thanks Y/n but this is a lot we can’t possibly-”

You cut Fred off before he could say more. “Oh please, you have done countless things for me. And I know what you’re gonna say- but see you would do the same for me. Besides think of this as your first investors. We want to help. We see your potential, we know you two, Fred, George, are gifted with bringing laughter and joy to people with your inventions."

"Thank you, truly y/n and to your dad too." Fred admitted, opening himself up. "No one's really backed us up with our inventions before, we've been always told off for being childish. It really means a lot."

“Hey, it’s the lease I could do.” You replied, causing the twins to chuckle immediately lightening up the mood.

It's great to see them relax again after weeks of stressing over the shop. Times might be changing but at least tonight, you got your best lads back.

~

Everything Taglist : @gruffle1

HP Taglist: @onlyfreds

[sweeethinny]

when you have time please write more about sirius and hestia!!! love their first kiss on his birthday very much💜💜💜. I would like to read a story about them in a normal couple's day or when they were friends. pls do it from sirius pov because it's so cute

hi anon!

I didn't really know what to write, and it happened by accident, it was supposed to be another fanfic but in the end it matched what you asked for, so I hope you like it!

April 30, 1993

"You're looking at my ass, Black," Hestia said, not in a fighting tone, just an observation. She turned to him, brown eyes watching him curiously.

"It's not my fault, Jones," He shrugged, walking over to her and grabbing her around the waist without shyness. "Your ass is delicious," Sirius lowered his hands to squeeze the flesh, memories of their last night flashing back to him.

"Do you want it again? You look like a dog on heat," Hestia smiled, standing on her tiptoes and bringing her mouth to his lips, giving him a peck too chaste that Sirius didn’t like it. "Am I that good?"

"Yes,'' He bent down, kissing her with all the urge that had been burning in his chest since the moment she arrived at the meeting, temptingly wearing that black robe that was tight against her breasts, the heeled shoes looking like make her legs look even more shapely, her hair pulled back in a low ponytail, her neat curls reminding him of when she was lying in their bed, the scent of her cream infested on the pillow that now Sirius slept cuddled up whenever she was traveling. ''I can’t concentrate on anything but you,'' He took advantage of her lifting her chin to move his lips down her neck.

''I think Moody would disapprove of that… You-Know-Who should be more important than your dirty thoughts,'' Sirius didn't even have to look at her to know the woman was smiling, that minx.

''The day he has tits like yours, maybe,'' Her laugh, so full of life and contagious, filled the kitchen, causing Sirius to laugh too.

"I hope then he doesn't know about push-up bras, or, I'll lose you," Hestia said, pulling Sirius' head up so he could look at her, her brown eyes gleaming in the chaste lighting of the kitchen, such a pretty smile on her face.

''It's a risk,'' He kissed her again. ''It's almost midnight,''

“Do we have something to celebrate today?” Hestia muttered, trying to sound lost, but he knew she knew exactly what it was.

''I don't know... someone told me it was our anniversary,''

''Oh? How old? Seems like just yesterday you were a shy teenager trying for everything that was most sacred to not to look at my breasts… You are a boob guy, Black,’’

''I wasn't shy,'' he defended himself. ''I just didn't want to be an idiot who keeps looking at you, drooling like a dog.’’

''But you did just that,'' Hestia cupped his face, not letting him try to hide the shame at his past self. ''But I didn't mind, it actually boosted my ego a lot... You know how insecure I've always been,''

''And I'm always more than happy and willing to help you with that,'' Sirius pulled her up, in a move he was used to, placing her on his lap and feeling Hestia wrap her legs around his waist. ''But back to your question, fifteen years,'' He carried her upstairs, heading towards their room.

''Fifteen? I was so young… How did you convince me to do this?”’

''I'm great at convincing people to do what I want,'' He smiled, leaning in to kiss her.

“You sure do magic with your mouth,” she murmured against his lips, making him even hotter than before. Images of them in the shower a few mornings ago filled his mind.

''I have a great teacher,'' Sirius blinked, laying her down on their bed, feeling like the luckiest man in the world to have her there. How he felt for fifteen years now. ''She's always been very patient with me, even though she's really hard to please,''

''Hard to please?'' Her brows rose, her hand tugging at his collar to make him fall over her hot body. ''I don't think I'm hard, I just think you're a little rushed sometimes... We've got all the time in the world, babe,''

''Don't call me that if you don't want me to be starved,'' Sirius complained, lying on her soft breasts, being deliciously hugged by her. ''But you tease me, you minx, how do you want me to know how to wait?''

''It's the best part,'' Hestia said, her fingers massaging his scalp, making him almost purr like a sly kitten. ''I love it when you beg,''

''I know... I've already figured that out,'' He smiled, a shower of memories of him tied to the bed washed over him and made him look at her hungrily. It had been a while since they'd done this, and Sirius was starting to miss it.

He liked it when they were a little more…adventurous in bed.

Sometimes she was the one in power, tying him up and torturing him until his balls felt like they were going to burst from pent-up desire - but when she allowed him to come, Sirius felt such relief that it was like dying and coming back to life in seconds, and in the end he always liked how he felt.

Sometimes it was him, and it depended on his mood how things were handled; there were days when they would play with candles and Sirius just loved how it made Hestia so much louder. There were other days when they would pretend to be other people, so they were in public and Sirius could flirt with her like it was the first time all over again, a new challenge to complete.

''What are you thinking?'' She asked, hands still in his hair, massaging him so well that if it weren't for the erection that was starting to come to life in his pants, Sirius could have easily slept there.

''On how we're going to celebrate our anniversary,'' Sirius crawled until he was face to face with her, feeling her legs wrap around his waist again.

''We have all night to do whatever we want,'' Hestia smiled, her nails still scraping his scalp and down the back of his neck. ''All night.''

[i-may-have-a-point]

Review of 17x14 “Look Up Child”

It has been three years since I wrote my last review of a Grey’s Anatomy episode.  After Sarah left, I stepped away from my fan accounts and did not plan on ever looking back.  Somehow though, through the dedication of our captains and the strength of the Japril fandom, we got one more episode that confirmed what we have known all along – Japril is forever.  

The episode opens to Jackson driving through a storm and we can see in his eyes that he is fighting an internal storm as well.  He winces at his injured hand while his mind flashes through thoughts of holding Harriet with April for the first time, the pain of watching April marry Matthew, and meeting his dad.  These moments, along with many others have led Jackson yearning for more out of life, and so he returns to Montana hopeful he will find answers there.

The last thing Robert Avery expects, for a second time, is to find the son he left behind standing in the doorway of his restaurant.  

“Everybody alive?” Robert asks.

Jackson making this journey again, after the way they left things before, could only be for one reason in Robert’s mind.  Jackson reassures him that is not the reason he came, and Robert relaxes easily into his friendly charm, offering coffee and a place for Jackson to “take a load off.”  He has no idea of the “load” Jackson truly bears.

Robert is awaiting the arrival of his co-worker so they can deliver pre-packaged meals to families in need in their community.  This gesture may seem small, but to Jackson, this is a subtle sign that he on the right path.  There is more he can do than what he has found within the walls of Grey-Sloan Memorial. Their small talk is awkward, and Jackson wants to get right to what he came for – answers.  Robert has other ideas.  There are sandwiches to be made and they can talk while they work.

After following Robert to the porch, Jackson realizes this sandwich-making process is going to be more time-consuming than he thought.  And so is getting the answers he came for.  He reiterates to Robert that he doesn’t want anything from him – not turkey, not coffee – just answers.

Jackson presses his dad for information about why he left the foundation, the problems he saw with it, and Catherine’s perspective on it all while Robert deflects the questions with vague answers and praise of the ham and turkey sandwich.  Robert is not ready to answer these questions because answering them would mean dealing with the memories of the past and the regret he carries.  So instead, he smiles kindly and puts Jackson in charge of the meat slicer, which leads to the first moment in Jackson’s life where his dad taught him how to do something. (Although we all know he didn’t teach him well!) This interaction allows Jackson to let his guard down just slightly and they find they have some common views on the Avery name, money, and pressure that comes with it all.  Jackson tries some of Robert’s “best in the state” turkey and Robert opens up about his own shame and abandonment by his father. It seems pain runs through generations of Avery men.

Maybe it is that realization, or the cup of Robert’s coffee in his hand, that makes Jackson relax enough to begin opening up.  He shares his desire to do more to change the system has seen fail so many people.  He isn’t even sure if he can, but he knows he feels compelled to try.  Robert agrees that people should do what makes them happy.  He did and he “never looks back.”

But Jackson does.  He can’t stop looking back and wondering why his dad was absent from every moment that mattered.  

“I realize that it’s really messed me up…pretty badly. And, um, it just made it hard to maintain relationships and stuff.  Having this inclination to run away all the time.  And I know, I know, running away doesn’t actually solve anything.  I know that. So…and I’ve tried.  I’ve tried really hard to rid myself of the shame and the pain that comes with all that, and uh, you know just kind of doubled-down on being the best at everything – the best father I could possibly be.  I probably stayed in my marriage longer than I should have, went along with foundation business longer than I should have, but no matter what, when it gets rough I just end up right there, running into the woods trying to fight the you in me.”

What begins as a tearful explanation builds to all of Jackson’s pent-up emotions overflowing at his dad.  He is distracted and emotional, cutting his hand on the slicer with blood pouring out, while his heart pours out at the same time.  

Robert tends to Jackson’s injury, and they both feel it is a simple gesture that holds more weight than they know what to do with.  Robert tries to make light of the situation by joking about a family practice, but it is the idea of them as family that sends Jackson to find fresh air on the porch. It is here where Robert finally answers Jackson’s question of “Why?”

Running is what Robert does when things get too difficult, and that is what makes Jackson so afraid. He feels the same pull.  Just before he cut his hand, he was running down the long list of things he feels he has done wrong. Does he truly believe he stayed in his marriage too long?  No. But to Jackson that is just one more way he is like his dad.  He is so messed up by the fear of turning into Robert that he breaks things off before they get too difficult, before he gets to the point Robert did.  If he can maintain a safe distance to the important things in his life, he won’t lose them and he won’t be like Robert.  “My divorce…maybe that would have been a good time for you to step in and share some wisdom.”  This isn’t who Jackson wants to be, but he is too scared of moving in either direction – scared of moving both toward or away from the things that matter, like April.  So instead, he suffers in an ambiguous middle ground.  One where he hasn’t completely abandoned anyone or anything and one where he hasn’t fully committed to anything either.  It is a balance he has tried to find for years, but it is also what is breaking him now.  

Truth be told, even Robert cannot fully run from what matters.  From his cabin in the woods, he admits that everyday he regrets leaving, and he buys gifts for a little girl he has never met in hopes that one day he will.

“You’re not a runner. If you were, you’d have been long gone by now…you have it in your soul to do the right thing.  To makes things right.  And you didn’t just fix a disaster, you made it better…on your worst day, you are ten times the man I am.”

And it is with those words Jackson makes his decision.  He is going to do the right thing.  He is going to take what seems like a disaster and make it better.

Arriving back in Seattle, Jackson goes straight to the people who matter most.  

Catherine is his first stop. He needs her blessing to take over the foundation.  Their money and influence can make life better for all people by bringing justice and equity to medicine and build a better future for Harriet.  Catherine’s Mama-heart breaks a little to see him go, but she cannot deny how proud of him she is.

With the rain still coming down, Jackson rings April’s doorbell and stresses over how he is going to approach asking her to move across the country for him.  How can he explain to her that this is not impulsive, this is not something he is doing on a whim?  

Yet, when the door opens, all his insecurities are quickly forgotten because seeing April only reminds him of why they have always been each other’s person and how she has always trusted him no matter what.  She trusted him the night of the boards with her heart and virginity, she trusted him with the decision to induce her pregnancy with Samuel to stop his pain, and she trusted him to run away from her wedding and the life she thought she was supposed to have.  But this is different.  So much has changed in the past few years.  Would she trust him now?

Jackson will have to wait to find out, though, because April is frantic.  Harriet is sick and April cannot get her fever down.  Jackson sees how stressed she is and immediately gives April what she needs.  He takes Harriet into her arms, both consoling her and helping April calm down and have a moment to breathe.  They fall into their usual banter and affectionate teasing.

Their conversations and interactions throughout the episode give us small glimpses of what we should have had the past several years had their story been written they way it should have been.  They naturally fall into their place as the loving, concerned parents unable to sleep while caring for their daughter.  They move through the house and around each other as if this is a familiar dance that they have done hundred times before.

Harriet’s sickness doesn’t seem to be the only thing April is stressed about.  Her living room is strewn with laundry and she quickly tries to clean it up while Jackson reassures her in his “bank voice” that it is fine. Too many pillows, but otherwise, fine. Jackson continues Daddy Duty by dancing with his daughter and April gets a chance to take a much-needed shower…until the storm knocks the power out.

Jackson and April alone at night in a storm, surrounded by candles, is the perfect set-up for an epic reunion, and while they may not have utilized the kitchen counter like we wanted them, too, they did reconnect on a level of clarity and maturity that shows how much they have grown.

There is also that not-so-little issue of Matthew.  Japril fans spotted early on that April was missing a particularly important ring, but it was even more telling when Jackson asked her directly if her and Matthew are happy, and she responded with simply, “We are busy.”  For a marriage that the terrible writing of season 14 wanted us to believe was ordained by God, how sad that you can’t even pretend to be happy. That one line conveyed so much more than what was stated.  It was clear from that point that Matthew and April’s marriage was over.

April is not the only one beating around the bush.  She quickly calls Jackson out on his “cagey” behavior of commenting on her exposed brick instead of saying why he actually showed up at her house late at night in the middle of a storm.  She can read him so well she knows there is something more, which is when we finally find out his plan – he is going to take over the Avery Foundation. The catch is, that means Jackson, as well as April and her family, have to move to Boston.

April responds by questioning if this is what Jackson actually wants because it never was before.  Is he going to move to Boston and then fail or regret his decision?  And while this seems unsupportive and harsh, April has to ask these questions because, as we find out later, that is exactly what happened to her.  She thought she was choosing the right path by marrying Matthew, but not only has their marriage failed, she regrets that they even tried. But Jackson doesn’t know this yet, so to defend his decision he uses Matthew proposing to April as an example of how he unconditionally supported her which not only hints at Jackson’s jealousy, but reinforces April’s fear that making a decision this big may not be the best choice.  She sees happiness for Jackson in the safe choice.  He can continue to rebuild faces, give little boy’s hands, and help people breathe again.  Maybe if she can convince him to stay with what he knows he won’t feel the hurt she is feeling right now. “Why would you want to give all that up?”

Jackson knows he can do all of that and more in Boston.  He can make a positive change in medicine, April can continue her work with the homeless, and Matthew will just follow because it is April, and that is the one reason Jackson likes him.  “He is gonna want to follow you anywhere.”  Jackson understands the urge to follow April anywhere.  The night continues with wine, snacks, and comfortable conversation but they don’t come to an agreement on what their future holds.

The storm breaks and morning comes.  Jackson, recognizing that April has been overwhelmed lets her sleep in, and she wakes up to the sounds of Harriet and Jackson happily eating breakfast and we get a glimpse of their happy, family mornings that we all know Boston will bring.  The three of them laugh and talk over pancakes, orange juice, and throw pillows and April admits that she should have been more supportive of Jackson’s plans.  If only they could get their timing right.  

The morning has brought with it clarity for April and she tells Jackson her answer is yes.  Yes, she believes he is “that guy.” Yes, she believes this could work.  Yes, they are going to Boston.  Shocked and surprised, Jackson offers to help talk to Matthew, but we find out that won’t be necessary.  As most of us suspected, the marriage that should have never happened is over.  One of the best lines of the episode is the slight dig that the writers (Sarah/Jesse?) took at the ridiculous story of April marrying Matthew.  “We kept trying to tell ourselves that our whole winding road was God’s plan to bring us back together.  But he was still so angry and hurt.  I mean, I left him at the altar and his wife died.  You know, you don’t just stop feeling hurt ‘cause it’s a better story if God brought us together in our pain.”  Enough said. And as much as we are not sad to see Matthew go, April is hurting, and Jackson recognizes that.  He takes her hand in a small gesture of comfort because he never wants to see her in pain.  (Thank you, Jesse, for improvising that.)  He gave her a reason to smile again.  Their family has a fresh start ahead in Boston.  

The episode closes with Harriet calling out for “Mommy and Daddy” as Jackson pulls April into a hug before leaving to prepare for their move, and April folds perfectly into his arms where she is supposed to be.  Fingers crossed for new horizons.  Maybe they finally did get their timing right.

[lilcoffeecup]

Family Lost,Family Found

This is my entry for the fluff/angst Maribat April. This is the angst piece to @i-love-being-weird‘s fluff piece. Its not very long, I hope you enjoy it and if you have a chance go check out the fluff piece (it’s really good) :) @maribat-angst-fluff-april

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Life on the streets had always been hard for Jason, not knowing when his next meal would be or if he would have to endure another beatdown when he wouldn’t pay the ‘monthly tax’ to the two-bit criminal working for Black Mask. He hadn’t expected to have this weird feeling in his chest that made him want to protect her from all the bad things in life. In Crime Alley it was survival of the fittest and if you wanted to survive you were only supposed to look after yourself, only yourself. Somehow though, there she was, shivering in the rain and looking as thin as a twig which would break if simply touched.  

“Hey, its raining out, you should go back home, it’s not safe to be out here”

“I-I don’t ha-have a-a home or any wh-where to g-go”

“Well come on then, I know a place” “Wh-where?” “A lil’ up ahead, you’re shaking like a leaf so hurry up”

Upon reaching the building, Jason could see that the little girl was still shaking, it made sense though since unlike him who was only a little bit wet, she was soaked to the bone.

“Here, blueberry” Jason hands Marinette a blanket, “warm up, this place doesn’t have heating, so these blankets are all we got” gesturing to the pile of worn-out blankets which had definitely seen better days.  For the first time in a long time both Marinette and Jason feel asleep knowing that they were not alone.

Over the next few weeks, Jason and Marinette, who Jason had taken to calling pixie, became inseparable, things were somewhat good, running errands for some thugs got Jason money for food and he didn’t feel lonely ever since pixie came into his life. Jason should have known that it wouldn’t last, money was dwindling as fast as it was coming and the time for the monthly payment was coming up. He hadn’t realized how hard it would be when it wasn’t only him that he had to look out for, but also pixie, his little sister not by blood but by love.

Over the next few days Marinette could see that something had been bothering Jason, but every time she asked, he said nothing and tried to change the subject.

“Jay-Jay, what’s wrong, you seem so much more on edge for the past few days?” “Hmm, oh its nothing pixie, I scored this somewhat fresh loaf of bread today, here” Jason said, giving the loaf to Marinette and only ripping off a tiny piece. Marinette heard the rumble of Jason’s stomach and looked at him questionably, he had been getting thinner and she couldn’t help but think that it was her fault. Ripping off a big chunk of the loaf, she handed it to Jason, “Jay-Jay you need to eat, don’t think I haven’t noticed you giving me most of the food, you need it more than me” “No pix, I already ate, I brought this for you” “Bu- “. Jason cut Marinette off, “No buts pixie, you need to eat or you’re going to be a twig forever!” “Hey! I’m not a twig” “Then eat pixie” Marinette huffed then mumbled out a “fine”.

Marinette had been meaning to do something for Jason for a while now and she found her opportunity when she came upon a fruit stall, the owner was busy talking to someone, so she quickly swiped an apple. While walking away she beamed, “Jason’s gonna love it!” she thought. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn’t notice the two men looking at her with knowing eyes.

“Hey! Isn’t that the kid whose been hanging around with the Todd brat these days?” “Yeah, I’ve word on the street is that she’s his sister or somethin’” The taller man, Mark, smirks, “well, well, well, guess we found the Todd brat’s weakness now”. The other man, Bill, smirks as well “collection time is coming up soon anyways, why not send a lil’ reminder”

2 blocks away from her and Jason’s hideout, Marinette was sure to hide her loot so that no prying eyes would see anything, this was for Jason and no one else. All of a sudden, she heard a holler behind her and spun around, immediately on edge.

“Hey kid! you’re with that Todd brat aren’t cha, his sister?” They didn’t wait for a response, just barreled into her, knocking her to the ground. “See, ya brother usually ends up comin’ up late on payments so we thought a lil’ incentive would nice, saves us the hassle of having to track the brat down and him a beating, ya know”  

Before she could get up and run, she felt the wind get knocked out of her by a kick to her stomach, then her ribs, she curled into herself as tight as she could, but they kept on kicking her. She hadn’t even realized when they had stopped and left, she hurt all over and farther ahead was a mushed apple with a section bitten off suggesting that someone had taken a bite then crushed it with their shoe.

Crying, bleeding, and defeated, Marinette limped back to the abandoned building she and Jason had huddled up in. As soon as she got in, she was faced by a worried Jason. “Pixie!! Where were you, I came back and you weren’t here, I was so worried something had happe- “Jason cut himself off. “Pixie, what happened to you? Where did all these bruises come from, just give me the name and I swear they won’t ever touch you again”

“I don’t know their names, but they said something about beating me up as incentive for them not having to track you down for payments and for you to avoid a beating”, Jason felt a cold shiver run down his spine. He had been worried about this month’s payment date was creeping closer and closer and how he didn’t have enough, again. He had heard that the tires business had been doing well in the Black Shack, the place where most stolen things were fenced. He would have to make sure to try and score some, and cash in a few favours to try and scrounge up the money. Batman usually stuck to the city and here, in Crime Alley, there was no Batman that was gonna swoop in and save him or pixie if he wasn’t able to pay up in time.

Jason spent almost all of the next day trying to scope out any potential places he could hit and while he was able to get some loot, it wasn’t enough. It was already after dusk and the night had set in, and he knew he better get back soon since the later at night, the more dangerous it is. Just 1 or 2 buildings before his destination, he saw it, the bat-mobile, basking under the moonlight like a gift from above, and just by looking at it he could tell that they were custom. This would easily be able to cover the rest of the payment and he could get that plushie pixie had been staring at the other day.

He first made sure that no one was nearby, it wouldn’t do for someone to try and claim his prize before he could. Confirming an all clear, or as clear as it could be for the time of night, he got to work on the tires. He was almost done taking out the 3rd tire when he heard someone around him and whipped around so fast, he was sure he would feel it in his neck later. He couldn’t see the person but definitely felt someone’s eyes on him.

“Whoever you are, beat it, I found this first so it’s mine, go find your own!”.  The response startled him, as the person came out of the shadows, “This is my car, so I don’t think I’ll beat it”, it was the Batman, and Jason felt as if those white lenses were piercing into his very being. “Ho-Holy shit, you’re the Batman!” “Yes, yes, I am, now could you put the tires back on my car?” “I-I can’t, I need the money, not all of us can afford to live lavishly like you, judging by your custom tires” “Why do you need the money, kid?” “None of your business” Jason sneered, he was getting sick of this, he had hidden the other tires well so he could come back for them tomorrow, he needed to get out of here ASAP. “Where do you think you’re going kid?” Batman asked just as Jason was about to turn and make a run for it, Jason didn’t bother to give him a response just made a mad dash for it.

He didn’t get far when Batman caught up to him, “Kid, I need you to put my tires back on” ‘this isn’t worth it’ Jason thought and decided that he would put the tires back then get back to pixie straight after. As soon as Jason had finished putting back all the tires, he was just about to get the hell out of there when he heard Batman “Get in kid” and knew that he couldn’t leave pixie all alone.

“No, I’m not going with you, you sicko! I already fixed your tires, what else do you want from me!” He struggled “The streets aren’t a safe place for kids, you’re coming with me” “No, let me go! I can’t leave her alone! You don’t understand! Let go!!” “Who her? Is there someone living with you?” Jason mentally hit himself, ‘how could he expose pixie! No, he couldn’t tell him about her!’. “No-one” Jason said as he was huddled into the bat mobile.

It was a few weeks until Jason was able to get out of the Manor and back to Crime Alley to check on pixie. When he reached the abandoned building, there was no pixie in sight, and almost nothing that would tell that anyone had lived there. Finding out through the grapevine, it turned out that pixie had been sold to a tourist couple in the façade of an adoption to pay off the debt that had built up in Jason’s absence. He had failed to protect her, failed to keep her away from all the bad things and now because of Jason’s mistakes, she was paying the price. He swore that he would find her and that when he did, he would never let her go, ever.

It had been years since that fateful night, Jason missed and thought of his little sister every day, he had given up hope on finding her after the first 2 years. Lost in thought, he didn’t realize bumping into a petite black-haired girl carrying a coffee walking out of a café that he and pixie would go to on special days if the had enough money. “Sorry mister, didn’t see you there, would you happen to know where the Wayne Enterprises building is?” “Don’t apologize, it was my fault too, lost in thought, I was just heading there myself, I can show you”. “Thank you so much!”

Jason couldn’t help but be reminded of his little pixie when looking at this girl, he felt his chest tighten up at the thought. “Hey mister, are you okay? you seem to have spaced out a bit” the girl asked. “No, I’m fine, you just remind me of someone who I miss a lot” “Funny enough, you remind me of someone I used to know and cherish a lot when I used to live here”.

“You used to live here?” Jason asked, he would definitely not have been able to tell had she not pointed it out. “Yeah, but it was a long time ago, I used to live in Crime Alley with my brother but got separated and haven’t seen him since” the girl said with a sad and pained face.

“We’re here!” Jason said as they reached the building, “Thanks for all the help mister!” said the girl and was about to walk away when Jason’s had realized that they had never introduced themselves, “Hey! What’s your name?”. The girl turned around and smiled “Sorry, I totally forgot to introduce myself, Hi, I’m Marinette” Marinette stuck out her hand, Jason shook it and said “Hey, I’m Jason”. Both thought ‘that’s her/his name! It can’t be thoug-‘ they didn’t have time to finish their though before a teenager about the age of Marinette with a coffee cup in hand and a younger child came into view.

What the younger said, shook Marinette to her core, not going unnoticed by the rest, “Todd! Finally, you show up Father and Drake have been waiting for you!”. “Marinette? What happened? You look like you’ve seen a ghost”, Jason looked concerningly at Marinette, “You-you’re na-name is Jason Todd?” “Yeah…why?” Jason was getting worried now but felt as if the word has stopped when he heard what Marinette said next.

Her voice cracking, Marinette spoke so quietly, almost as if whispering “Jay-Jay? Is that you?” Jason almost broke into sobs right in the lobby of W.E., could this really be happening? “Pixie, that you?”. Marinette immediately threw herself into Jason’s chest, and nodded “Ye-yeah it’s me, oh my God, jay-jay I thought I would never be able to see you again, are you really here, tell me this isn’t another dream because I don’t ever want to wake up if it is”. Jason started rubbing soothing circles on her back while shedding his own tears, “Shhh, it’s okay Pixie, it’s me, I’m really here, this is real and I thought I would never see you again either” “God pix, I’m so, so, sorry I left you all alone, I looked for you everywhere but never found you”. “Please don’t leave me again” Marinette sobbed, “I don’t want to lose you again”. Jason felt even more tears pooling and dripping from his eyes, “Never pixie, I will never leave you, ever.” 

Jason tightly hugged Marinette, “I missed you Jay-Jay” “I missed you too Pixie,  I missed you too”. 

~fin.

[21u004]

fools / gojo satoru / april 9th, 2021

“what do you—what do you mean by that?” satoru asks you, hoping that he didn’t hear you right.

by now, his head is empty and all he’s thinking about is your words, silently praying that if he did hear you correctly, you’ll smile right after, laugh, give him a hug and an apology with how you’re just kidding.

but with the way you look at him, it’s slowly starting to feel real.

(it is real.)

he’s slowly starting to get convinced you’re serious, and he despises it.

(he won’t accept it.)

(he doesn’t want to.)

(he has to.)

“satoru,” you call, hands in cold sweat folded on your torso, trying to stop yourself from shaking and breaking in front of him. “you know what i mean,” you say, in an as a matter of fact tone.

he does nothing but shake his head. at an attempt of comforting himself, he assumes that he’s just really tired and a little dizzy that he’s beginning to mix up your words. it’s late at night after all. he knows it’s pathetic of him, but he does it anyway.

you really can’t be serious about this, he thinks to himself.

“hey, hey, all of this is—” he stutters, shaking as he steps closer to you. “—all of this isn’t real, right? you’re just trying to get back at me for all the time i’ve teased you, aren’t you?”

he forces a smile, but it’s quick to go away when he sees nothing but honest eyes.

satoru thinks you look wonderful even if you’re tired. your face, illuminated by the white light above you, the bags under your eyes obvious.

(yeah, you’re still stunning.)

the warmth in your eyes are gone when he looks in them. looking at you makes him feel chilly. it’s probably the lighting. hopefully.

hopefully it is, because he doesn’t want to look at you and hurt.

with the way your eyes blink slowly, he’s sure you want to sleep. still, he doesn’t ask you to rest and talk this with you tomorrow because he knows you won’t let him. it was now or never.

nothing’s changed in him, and the same goes for you. you’re both the same people as you were years before, still running away from reality.

“we don’t have to make this any harder for us,” it’s hard trying to keep your hands to yourself with the way he’s so close to you, tightly gripping your arms, kiss his lids, the gloss in his eyes tempting you to take his face in your hands, and wipe them away like every other time he’s had too much on his shoulder that he breaks down and bursts in front of you.

“why?” he frowns, because the least you could do was tell him why you’ve come to this decision, so that he can be better for you.

he can try to be for the next time you’re back.

(if you will ever be back.)

he pleads, because he doesn’t want to lose you.

he can lose anything but you.

unable to look at him in the eye when all you see is them shining under the cold light of the lamp nearby, and not in a good way like four years ago, you close your eyes.

(it’s been so long.)

but even if you do, there’s no denying that the reality still lies in front of you, and that you have to deal with it. there’s no running away this time. it’s what led to this in the first place.

you coudn’t lie to him, and even if you could, that’d be too cruel for either of you. it’ll just end up on your list of things that keep you awake at night, and probably his too.

“we’re getting nowhere, satoru,” you sigh gloomily.

satoru’s always been one to fix problems fast, but that’s only with his job. there’s so much he’s confronted already, but he always finds himself hiding from and ignoring the ones with you.

it scares him—facing them—because his thoughts consume him and tell him that it’d lead to this. unfortunately, the other happens instead.

again, he feels pathetic.

“i’m asking you, what does that mean? do you—do you want to go somewhere? maybe you want to—”

“i want someone to grow with.”

his brows crease, eyes narrowing at you. “am i not someone you want to grow with?”

“satoru, no, that’s not what i meant,” you wince at his misunderstanding, “i just—i want to, you know. i want it to be you. so bad. but it’s not—we’re still in the same place we were back then.

"you’re still a child, and so am i. everyone’s moving on and we’re still at square one because—”

“who cares if we’re still at the start? this isn’t a race!” he retaliates, every single word carrying his frustrations he’s tried so hard not to burden you with.

“we can’t act like kids forever! we’re adults! you’re still in denial, and so am i!” you retort, having had enough of him. “we’re not improving or growing up!”

“so what if we’re not?” he fumed, flailing his hands in the air. “let them hate us! let them love us! who cares what they say? we have each other, don’t we?”

clenching your fist, it takes a whole lot of self-restraint not to punch his guts with how his words come out mindlessly. “‘we have each other’? are you hearing yourself? you’re not even here when i need you! but i am when you need me!

"and this isn’t about anyone else, so quit trying to drag other people into this! it’s not about a matter of being loved or hated, it’s about us actually getting somewhere and becoming better people!”

he scoffs, “oh, quit it with that righteousness stuff! it makes me sick! and you know why i’m not here when you need me? because i’m busy and you don’t even bother to tell me how you’re feeling! you make it like it’s some guessing game!”

“busy? made you guess?” you ask, incredulous. “you never paid attention to me in the first place! i’ve always reached out to you, but you’re always in your own world, arrogant and full of pride and forget that i’m even here! you don’t even ask about me at all either!”

“oh, so i’m arrogant and full of pride?” he points to himself in disbelief. “i never ask about how you feel? you don’t even tell me when i do ask! what’s the point of trying if there’s nothing i gain from it!”

“you’re unbelievable! and you– you– this is, this is what i mean! we’re still acting like children—you’re acting like a child!” you cry out, your throat feeling sore and scratchy from the yelling.

“there’s so much,” you take pauses in between your words, letting yourself breathe. “there’s so much more to us than what we are now, but we’re still the same because—” you stop midsentence, hesitant to say the words since it contains the truth and you two have always run away from that.

“because what?” his voice is much gentler and softer now, mellow and calm.

you swallow the lump in your throat. “because we’re scared.”

when he opens his mouth to talk, you’re already shaking your head no, exhausted and panting, despite being unaware of what he wants to ask before he even gets to make up his mind to find the right words for his questions and sentences.

don’t let him say anything.

just let him stay quiet and keep the peace.

maybe then you could both pretend that nothing’s happening. that there’s no problem at all.

so he lets the room wallow in silence.

he wraps both his arms around you, and rests his head on your chest.

your heartbeat rings his ear, and it’s still racing.

he feels his tears soak up your clothes before he even knows he’s sobbing.

satoru was insufferable himself, and so was seeing him cry. as a try at comforting him, your fingers run through his hair gently.

he’s always found it relaxing whenever you do that; it lulls him to sleep whenever he comes home restless, reminding him of the times you stayed awake until past midnight for him, telling him that there was good in this relationship.

but right now, it doesn’t help him calm down. he presses his face harder into your shoulder to muffle his cries yet they still resonate vaguely in the room, while a hand of his holds yours on his hair, steady and begging you not to remove it.

nothing about this was calming; the silence was only letting the tension build up, the stillness of the room stood as a reminder that there was no life to it already, and even more so by tomorrow.

the more that he thought of it—of how this was going to be the last time you’re ever going to do this—the more he feels himself going insane.

the night feels colder the deeper it gets, and you can’t let go even if you desperately want to.

it was presumably just the air conditioning. nonetheless, satoru doesn’t even feel warm to you at all. he doesn’t bring you the same relief as the beginning of this relationship of climactic events because satoru’s always been one to be big about things.

the sky in his eyes rain, pouring harder by the minute, pooling at your clothes and flooding on the floor.

if you stay longer, then you’re more likely to be convinced that you’ll be okay even if you’re going to be staying at the same place, regardless of how you’re conscious of the regret it’ll bring later. that as long as satoru’s here, then you’ll be okay, but you can’t be dependent on him.

how were you going to be, when even just a glimpse of him already feels so heavy?

“let go, please,” you whisper, only to feel his arms around you tighten. “gojo, let go of me.”

satoru has no idea how much damage he’s done until his name leaves your lips. what’s done is done, and no amount of regret will take it back.

he pauses, eyes widening at you, only to have them close again and shed even more tears.

“please, stay.”

he doesn’t care how desperate he seems, because he just doesn’t want to lose you.

he can lose anything but you.

but alas, your choices go against his wants, and he can’t always have what he wants.

it doesn’t seem like it to satoru, but he’s just as dependent on you as you were on him, and hopefully he learns that later on as you did yet kept to yourself way too long ago.

so he does as you say, because he’s doing what he wasn’t supposed to do: pull you back.

he caves in and presses your lips against him one last time, passionless and salty, a short sincere apology and wish that you find each other again.

the next day, he wakes up alone with sore eyes, a text on his phone.

geto suguru

how was the proposal?

[calamitykaty]

Nothing Even Matters

JATP X BTR DAY ONE SUBMISSION 

Word Count: 5330

Summary: Set in 1954 two love stricken teens fight the odds to find love within one another. Pairing is readers choice. No Names. No Y/N. 

A/N: please be kind, this was a big thing that I decided to try. 

Wheat stalks danced around them as the gentle spring wind fluttered in through soft waves. The warm sun brought heat to their bodies as they laid entangled on a soft knit blanket in the middle of the field. Her head laid on his chest while the fingers of his right hand lazily trailed up and down her arm. Every now and then, the wind would blow her long locks of hair his way and for a fleeting moment, his nostrils would be overwhelmed by the sweet scent of lavender and vanilla.

 A lazy smile found its way on his face, his eyes closed softly as the words “I am in love with you” left his lips in a hum, quiet enough that they could have been carried away with the wind. She tilted her head so that her chin was propped up on his chest. Her right hand stretched towards his face, her thumb lightly grazed across his lips, “and I, you, my dear.”

He caught her hand before it could retract and softly kissed her knuckle. She could feel his smile against her soft skin as he turned her hand over and pressed one kiss to her palm. Without hesitation, she pushed against his chest and found herself slightly hovering over him. Her hair fell forward, tickling his cheek before she leaned down and pressed her chapped lips against his. He tucked her hair behind her ear as she pulled back. 

The sun began to set in the distance, the orange light cast her skin in an ethereal glow. She let her body collapse onto his, her head tucked into the crook of his neck. Her eyelashes fluttered against his skin. His left hand twirled a lock of her hair around his fingers as the silence settled between them for a moment, both knowing that their slice of heaven would be coming to an end soon but neither wanting to acknowledge it

“I have to get you home before dark, love.” He murmured, his lips pressed to her forehead. 

“I know,” she sighed.

The breeze sent a shiver down her spine, the coolness of dusk settling in as crickets began to chirp in the distance. She removed herself up from his chest, his hands steadied her as she pushed herself up from the ground. Her hands smoothed over the fabric of her dress, she could imagine what her mother would say if she knew what she had been doing in her Sunday’s best. 

She looked off into the distance while he shook the blanket out and began folding it into a perfect square. He tucked it under his arm and held out her canary yellow cardigan to her. She pulled the cardigan on, the material warm against her cool skin. He reached for her right hand, his palm sliding against hers until their fingers were tangled together. They walked in silence back through the field, following the small trail that had formed over the past year from their frequent meetings. She glanced over at him as they walked. His eyes locked on the path ahead of them, his lips were pulled in a tight line and his shoulders were tense. He never said anything to her but she knew how much he had hated their secret love affair. 

He pulled the passenger side door open on the red Chevy pickup, his hand untangled from hers, and moved to the small of her back as she hoisted herself into the truck. Her hand immediately reached for the crank, turning it in circles to roll the window down. He put the key into the ignition, the truck roared to life, and Miles Davis’ I’ll Remember April flooded through the speakers. 

“I’m sorry…” Her voice broke through the tension. 

“It’s alright, little bird. When I am with you, nothing even matters.” The same twelve words that he always said poured from his lips. The words came to him out of instinct and she knew that he didn’t truly mean them.

They were from different worlds, she was the daughter of a minister and he was the son of a dead-beat. They were never supposed to cross paths, much less fall in love. She turned her attention back to the open window, rolling hills and pastures flew by as the truck rolled down the paved street. Her mind wandered back to the day she met him, it had all been a matter of circumstances, really. 

-----

The summer air was sticky and humid, she could feel her neatly placed hair start to frizz under as she stood in front of the small white church. Her mother insisted that she wear the canary yellow cardigan with her white dress, despite the fact that it was mid-July and 102 degrees outside. She plastered her best smile on her face while her parents stood on either side of her to get their picture taken for her sixteenth birthday. 

“Momma, can I go now? Laura Jane is expecting me for milkshakes over at pop’s!” She whined impatiently. 

“Go on ahead, then. But you best not spill anything on that dress, little miss.” 

She kissed her mother on the cheek and threw a “bye, daddy!” out as she took off down the pathway to the sidewalk. Her baby blue t-strap heel got caught by the toe on the uneven cement surface and she closed her eyes as she prepared herself for the fall that never came. 

“I got you,” his voice was smooth and his hands a little rough as they caught her forearms. 

She opened her eyes and looked up at the boy through her dark eyelashes, she caught his eyes and smiled. 

“A little soon for you to be falling for me, love.” 

She felt herself blush at his words and couldn’t stop the giggle that erupted from her throat. 

“I’m--” he reached out his right hand to her. 

She shook her head vigorously, “I know who you are, everyone does.” 

His smile dropped at her words and she instantly furrowed her brows as she realized how her words sounded. 

“I didn’t mean anything by that..I-i just meant that you have a reput--” she felt her face heat up as the words seemed to push their own way past her lips until she lifted her left hand to cover her mouth. 

She cleared her throat and let her hand drop back down to her side, “it’s my birthday, do you want to get a milkshake with me at Ruth’s? My treat?”

She ignored the guilt that settled into the back of her mind as she thought about how Laura Jane would be waiting for her in their favorite booth at Pop’s with a strawberry milkshake. 

His white shirt stretched tightly across his chest, the rolled sleeves exposed his biceps. He ran a hand through his slicked-back hair, a strand falling back down onto his forehead. 

“Ruths, huh? You sure you can handle roughing it on my side of town?”

That’s where it started, with a milkshake on the wrong side of town with a boy that everyone said was bad news. It was the first of many times that she stood her friends up for a secret rendezvous in places that no one from her circle would ever dare to step foot in. 

-----

The truck slowed as they rounded the corner two blocks from her house, the breaks whined as his foot pressed down on the brake pedal until they slowed to a halt. She lifted her head from where it had been resting on the door frame and scooted across the bench seat of the truck until she was tucked into his side, her head resting on his shoulder. His thumb rubbed gentle circles into the fabric covering her hip bone. 

“I just want the world to know how much I love you, little bird. Is that really so bad?” She didn’t miss the way his voice cracked, the state of their relationship had been wearing on him for a while. 

“I want that too, you know that.”

She could feel his chest rise under her hand as he took a deep breath and let it out with a cynical chuckle. “Do you? Because it really doesn’t feel that way when I drop you off two blocks from your house so that you can walk home alone.” 

Her eyes locked onto his side profile, his jaw was locked and she could tell that his eyebrows were pinched together. 

“It won’t be like this forever, I promise.” Just like his twelve rehearsed words, her eight came out with the same insincerity. She had made the same promise to him over and over and over, yet here she sat making them again and knowing that when she got home she would keep the day between them a secret for herself. 

His shoulders slumped as her words washed over him. 

“I want to hold your hand in the hallways and show you off and you just want to hide me away, I...I don’t know how much longer I can do this, little bird.” 

She swallowed the lump that began to make her throat feel tight. They had had this conversion plenty of times since their romance began to blossom the previous summer but it had never gotten to this point. Maybe she was naive for thinking that he would really wait around forever for her while she kept making empty promises to him. 

“Please, please don’t say that. I--I love you.” 

He pulled his arm from around her and tightly gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles white from the pressure. He relaxed his grip and flexed his fingers several times before dropping his hands into his lap. 

“I think you should go.” The words left his lips with hesitancy. He hadn’t wanted to say them at all but his heart was aching and he couldn’t bear the thought of her seeing the tears that threatened to make themselves known.

The passenger door of the truck slammed shut and she ignored the way she could feel his eyes on her before his truck was pulling off and she was left on the sidewalk alone. Hot tears gathered behind her eyes, she looked up at the sky, her eyes memorizing the shades of pink and purple that melted together until she felt the tears retreat. She wrapped the cardigan tight around her body, racing the streetlights to her front door. 

Her mother sat on the robin’s egg blue porch swing with a bundle of yarn next to her. The clicking of her mother’s knitting needless halted as her right foot made contact with the first step on the porch. She looked over her shoulder to see the streetlight by the driveway flicker to life. 

“You keep cutting it this close, Junebug, and eventually your daddy is gonna wanna know where you sneak off to after church.” Her mother’s southern drawl called out as the girl rushed into the house, the screen door clattering against the wooden door frame as it swung shut behind her.  

Her face flushed at her mother’s words, wondering just how much her mother actually knew about where she had been and who she had been with. . She slipped the white penny loafers from her feet and let her toes sink into the dusty rose colored carpet. Her left hand glided across the wood paneling of the hallway that led to her bedroom. The wall was lined with photos from her childhood, some in black and white, others in sepia tones. 

She stopped at one family picture, taken on the day of her sixteenth birthday. She was standing in between her mother and father, wearing the same dress that clung to her body now. The small white church was in the background and off to the far left, stood the boy that she loved, he was just a blur and if it hadn’t been for the way that she had memorized every detail about him, she wouldn’t have even noticed his presence in her picture. 

She tore her eyes from the picture as her father walked up behind her and placed his warm hand on her shoulder. 

“That was a great day, Junebug, one of my favorites.” His voice was raspy from the passionate sermon he had delivered earlier in the day. She caught his smile in the reflection of the glass picture frame, causing her own lips to spread across her face. 

“Yeah, daddy..” she hummed out, her eyes lingering on the boy in the leather jacket for a moment longer, “it was the best day.” 

 “You better get yourself cleaned up, your mother’s pot roast will be ready shortly.” He gently squeezed her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. 

She let her eyes linger on the picture for a moment longer while her father retreated down the hallway and towards the dining room. She could hear the clattering on glass plates and tore her attention from the photo, finally making it to her bedroom. 

She placed her white penny loafers onto her the small metal shoe rack that sat just inside of her closet before pulling the cardigan from her shoulders and dropping it into the white linen laundry basket. She pulled a set of red pinstripe pajamas from her chest of drawers, the iron pulls clanked against the mahogany drawer as she pushed it shut. She laid the button-up shirt and pants onto the lilac comforter that covered her bed before making her way back to her door, flicking the light switch off. 

She made it to the dinner table just as her mother was placing the pot roast down onto the crocheted hot pad that would protect the wooden table. Her mother sat at one end of the table while her father sat on the opposite, she found herself sitting between them at the small round table. Her father had the Sunday paper held with both of his hands, his glasses perched on his nose as he read. Her eyes caught the headline on the front of the paper US Performs Atmospheric Nuclear Test Above Bikini Island. She knew better than to say anything about it but she was very much against the idea of nuclear weapons. 

“Put the paper down, dear.” 

Her father looked over the top of the paper and breathed in deep, letting the smell of the pot roast fill his nostrils as he meticulously folded the paper up into its original form and placed it onto the empty spot of the table to his left. 

She let her hands fall into the palms of both her mother and father’s hands, her eyes stayed open and locked on her empty plate as her father said grace. Just like her political views and her secret relationship were a secret, she also wouldn’t dare to utter the words that she didn’t believe in God.

She patiently waited as her father filled his plate up first and then her mother before she handed her plate over to her father and let him pile it with the pot roast, potatoes, and carrots. The pot roast melted on her tongue and filled her body with warmth and comfort. She looked up every now and then and offered a “that’s interesting” or a curt smile as her parents made small talk around the table.  

“You’re being awfully quiet, Junebug.” Her mother remarked. 

She reached for her glass of water and took a long swallow before acknowledging the woman’s prying eyes. 

“Just a lot on my mind, I guess.” 

Her father’s hearty laugh filled the small dining room, “and what is on that mind of yours, dear?”

She turned her attention back to her plate, stabbing a soft carrot with her fork while she conjured up a believable lie. 

 “Nothing important, I have an exam in geometry tomorrow and the pep rally is Friday, we’re working on a new pep rally chant and I am nervous about getting it right.” 

She bit the carrot in half and slowly chewed it, coughing when her mother clapped her hands together giddily. 

“Speaking of the pep rally! The Jacobson's boy still needs an escort, I believe.” By the tone of her mother’s voice, she knew that Robert Jacobson definitely needed an escort to the pep rally and that it was being implied that she would be going as his date. 

“Momma, please don’t tell me you promised them I would be his date.” 

“Well, honey, I don’t see you lining up any prospects for yourself.” 

A silence fell over the table and she knew that there was no getting out of it. She slowly finished her meal and waited for permission to excuse herself from the table. She took her plate to the kitchen and rinsed it off in the sink before heading to her room. She gathered the red pinstripe pajama set from her bed and headed to the bathroom where she let her mind wander to how she was going to tell him that she had an arranged date to the pep rally. 

-----

Chirping birds from outside of her bedroom window pulled her from her slumber. She rubbed the heels of her palms into her sleepy eyes before glancing at the small analog clock that sat on her nightstand. 6:00 am. 

She pulled herself from the bed and readied herself for the day. She cinched a brown belt at her waist over the pale yellow skirt that hit at her shins, a white short-sleeved button up with a peter pan collar tucked into the skirt and a matching yellow cardigan covered her arms. She slipped on a pair of white and brown saddle shoes over her frilly socks and let her brown leather satchel hang off of her left shoulder. 

“Bye Momma, bye Daddy!” She hollered as she ran out of the house, the screen door slamming shut behind her. She could hear her mother yell at her from the living room about the slamming door but paid no mind as her feet slapped against the sidewalk. 

Her heart sank as she made it to their usual spot, two blocks away, and didn’t see his red truck sitting on the side of the road waiting for her. She glanced down at the thin gold watch that adorned her wrist and frowned, she wouldn’t have time to wait to see if he showed up. She trudged herself back a block and stood at the stop sign as the yellow bus approached her. The bus driver pushed on the metal handle allowing the doors to open and she clambered onto the bus with the group of teens that stood at the bus stop with her. She set herself in the front seat behind the drive and pulled her bag into her lap. Her head rested on the cold window and her eyes stared at the passing pavement as the bus moved from stop to stop. The bus was filled with loud chatter and she was sure that the girl sitting next to her had said something to her but her mind was preoccupied with the boy that hadn’t shown up for her.

Her eyes caught his red truck sitting in the parking lot as the bus pulled up to the school and she felt her heart sink even further knowing that he hadn’t simply skipped school but rather chose to skip picking her up instead. 

She pulled herself from the brown leather seat and piled out of the bus, a string of apologies flying from her mouth as she pushed through the crowd. Her heart raced as she approached her locker and found the boy leaning against it, his head tilted back as his eyes studied the ceiling tiles. He pushed himself forward as she stood in front of him, his fingers brushed against hers for a moment before he shoved his hands into his pockets. She hesitantly met his eyes as her left hand twirled the combination lock, stopping at the correct numbers from muscle memory. 

“I have to tell you something.” She said, her words just above a whisper. 

She watched as his eyes shifted from hers to the hallway, “later,” he breathed out just as quietly. She followed his eyes to the two approaching girls. She felt the guilt settle into her bones and opened her mouth to utter another apology only to find that he had already disappeared down the hallway. 

She turned her attention back to her locker and grabbed her textbook for her history class. 

"Were you just chatting it up with--"

"We have a science project to do together." She cut Marie off and slammed her locker shut before turning around to face the two girls, the textbook cradled to her chest. 

"I heard a rumor that you're going to the pep rally with none other than the golden boy, Robert Jacobson." Laura Jane gushed. 

"And where did you hear that from?" She asked absentmindedly.

Marie and Laura Jane shared a glance before going down the line of where the rumor started.

"Tommy Brennan said he heard it from Jessica Adams and she heard it from Richard Dean who said that Robert Jacobson told him himself." 

"So?" Marie quizzed, "is it true?"

The three girls walked down the labyrinth of hallways and she pursed her lips as she peered into a classroom where the leather jacket-clad boy sat at a desk, his fingers drumming against the wooden surface.

She thought about how his heart would break seeing her with another boy. 

"No," she said finally, "it's not true." 

She quickly darted into Mr. Zimmerman’s classroom and slid into her assigned seat before the two girls could further interrogate her.

Six hours slowly ticked by and she felt her stomach turn to knots when the last bell rang. She stopped by her locker to drop off her textbooks before she joined the flood of students that poured out of the brick building. She looked to the left at the school bus that would take her home before looking to the right at the red truck that sat waiting in the parking lot. She could see the boy sitting in the driver's seat staring her way. She glanced back at the school bus before her feet starting closing the distance between her and the truck. 

She pulled on the chrome handle of the passenger side door and slid into the passenger seat before dropping her satchel at her feet. 

“I heard the rumors.” He all but snarled. 

She slid across the seat and placed her left hand on his knee, “that’s all they are, just rumors.” 

The tension in his body eased at her reassurance. He dropped his right hand from the steering wheel and let it fall on top of hers. His thumb ran over the top of her knuckles before he turned her hand over and slid his palm against hers. 

“Can we talk about last night?” He asked, his voice more vulnerable than she had ever heard before. 

“Yeah,” she breathed out, “I think we should.” 

He gently squeezed her hand and slightly turned his body so that he was facing her. 

“I’m...I’m scared that I won’t be strong enough to withstand all of the talk if everyone knew about us” She felt her bottom lip quiver as she forced herself to be honest with him about her insecurities. 

He lifted his left hand to her face and softly caressed her cheek.

“I feel like we’ve built this wall that surrounds us and I know that you’re scared but no amount of judgment is ever going to knock that wall down, little bird. I love you more than, well, anything.”

His fingers softly pressed into the nape of her neck as he pulled her face towards his. Their lips moved together in sync before he pulled away and pressed his forehead to hers. His breath fanned across her face as he whispered the words into the space between them, “everything will be alright, little bird. Nothing even matters, but you and I.” 

“Okay.” She pressed her lips against his for a brief moment. “Drive me home?” 

“Anything for you, little bird.” 

She scooted over to the passenger seat and rested her against the door frame as the truck roared to life. She quietly sang along to Frank Sinatra’s Young at Heart as he drove the familiar streets towards her house. 

Without a word, he pulled up to the curb two blocks from her house and unbuckled his seat belt. He pulled her lips to his and murmured “see you tomorrow, little bird.” 

The words were enough for her to know that they were okay. She pressed three more chaste kisses to his lips before she grabbed her satchel from the floorboard and hopped out of the truck. She adjusted her skirt and slung the satchel over her shoulder before taking off down the sidewalk with an extra skip in her step. 

------

The smile dropped from her face when she entered the living room to find her mother and father sitting on the couch with their arms crossed and firm looks on their faces. Her father crossed the room and turned off the radio that was quietly humming. 

“We need to have a discussion about your recent activities, young lady!” Her mother said sternly while her father gestured for her to have a seat in the chair adjacent to the couch. She let her satchel fall to the floor and quickly took a seat. 

“Imagine my surprise when Mrs.Jackson told me she saw my daughter! The preacher's daughter shacking up in the school parking lot with that boy!” Her hands trembled in her lap and tears began to well up in her eyes as her father’s voice boomed out. 

“Daddy, I..I can...it wasn’t.” She stuttered out between gulping breaths. 

“I don’t want to hear a word out of you!” Her father fulminated. 

She looked over at her mother who hadn’t said a single word yet, her eyes pleading with her mother to de-escalate the situation. 

Her mother pursed her lips and uncrossed her arms. She pointed towards the hallway and narrowed her eyes at the girl, “you are to go straight to your room where you will spend the remainder of the night. You are to go to school and come straight home until you have deemed yourself to be trustworthy again and you can forget going to the pep rally on Friday, do you understand me?”

“Momma, please!” She sobbed, the tears ran down her cheeks faster than her hands could wipe them away. 

She flinched as her father’s voice thundered out for her to go to her room. She scurried out of the chair and ran to her room where she threw herself onto the lilac comforter, her face buried into the white pillow as her body shook with sobs. 

Her breathing evened out as dusk fell across the town and the cicadas began clicking outside of her window. She could hear the floors creak as her parents made their way to their bedroom. She waited for the sound of distant snores before she pulled herself up from her bed and quietly trekked through the house until she reached the kitchen where the black rotary phone sat on a small table. 

The finger wheel slowly clicked as she dialed the number that she had memorized by heart, the phone pressed to her ear while she silently prayed for him to answer the phone. 

“Hello?”

A sigh of relief escaped her lips a the sound of his voice, “hey…”

“Little bird?” 

“Yeah”

“Are you okay?”

“Little bird?” He asked again after her silence fell through the speaker. 

“They know..” she finally said. 

He stayed silent as he waited for her to elaborate. 

‘They know about us and it wasn’t good.”

“Hey,” his voice soothed, “remember what I told you, yeah?”

“Nothing even matters but you and I.” She recited, her lips tugged up at the corners despite her best efforts. 

“Do you want to go to our place tomorrow?” 

“No,” she smiled, “pick me up for school tomorrow? I wanna hold your hand in the hallways?”

“Okay...yeah, okay.” He berated out and she could hear the smile in his voice. 

-------

The following morning was tense as she got ready for school. She could feel the uneasy air in the home as she meandered back and forth from her room before she grabbed her satchel and quietly bid her parents goodbye. She made sure to hold the screen door and let it gently close without even a hint of a thud against the doorframe. 

Her face lit up with a smile when she reached the last step on the porch and looked up to find her favorite red truck parked at her mailbox. She ran across the yard and quickly took her place in the passenger seat. She pressed a kiss to his cheek and let her eyes linger on the living room window of her house where she could see her parents watching her. 

“Ready?”

She tore her attention from the window and smiled over at the boy, “yeah, let’s give them something to talk about.” 

She felt the butterflies flutter around her stomach as they drove to school in silence, her left hand entangled with his. Her heart raced as they pulled into the parking lot and she knew that he could feel how clammy her hand was getting in his. 

‘We don’t have to do this, ya know that?”

She stared into his eyes and the way that he looked at her with total admiration and love. She shook her head and silently got out of the truck. He followed suit and hesitantly stood next to her.

“They can talk, say what they want about us...and nothing even matters.”  She looked up at him and wrapped her arms around his waist while his right arm hung over her shoulders. The pair clung to each other as they walked across the parking lot. She ignored the staring eyes and the hushed whispers because he was hers and she was his and nothing else mattered.

@straywonpil ​ @siennanoelle01 ​ @choppedhoundsludgeclod​ @cool-ultra-nerd ​ @hxney-bunches-x​ @crybabyddl​ ​ @sorryyoureoutofmyleague​ ​ @dream-a-little-bigger-x​ ​ @kcd15 ​ @all-in-fangirl ​ @ifilwtmfc​ ​ @onlygetaway​ ​ @iainttakingshitfromnobody ​ @angryknighttreeprune​ ​​ @jazzyhales @bathtimejish​​​ @lanasfandoms ​​ @miranda0102​ ​ ​​ @emotionalbruv​ ​​ @aliandthephantoms​ ​ ​​ @multifandombabies @kinda-really-lost​ ​ @5sosmukefan ​ @alexpjoyner​ ​ @mo-d3ans​ ​ @hannahhistorian92​ ​ @sunsetcurvenotsunsetswerve​ ​ @i-should-be-writing-my-own-fic​ ​ @sunflowerbecca ​ @n0wornever @cherrymaybank @jatp-btr​ @meangirlsx​  @darlingsteveharrington @vicesvsvirtuesfanfic

[tamorapierce]

Tammy's Spring 2020 Reading Recommendations For the Bored

Sooner or later the bookhounds among us are going to start joining my relentless song, from age five on up, of “I don’t have anything to read!!!!”

 I am here to help.  In this space, as I get to it (knowing, as my readers do, that I have no sense of deadline), I will be posting a constant set of collections of book titles by authors my team and I have read and will recommend in a wild variety of genres and for a wild variety of ages.  (And I’ll give a short hint as to the subject of the first book/series—if I did them all I’d never finish this.)  This last is for the many of you who are reading teen and adult books in grade and middle school, and those adult readers who are reading teen and kidlit. These people are for those who love books and don’t care who is supposed to be reading them.  

 Also, you may have to look far and wee, since we will be drawing upon not only recently published books but older ones that we have either read recently or that we read long ago and have re-read or have never forgotten.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you when the writing is archaic.  If you’re a true nutsy reader like the rest of us, you won’t care.

 -Tammy Pierce

                                                        *     *     *

Assume the book came out within the last 2 years unless I put LO next to the title, which means you have to check libraries and bookstores online and paper for copies.

 *     *     *

 Diana Wynne Jones  LO

A generation or two of fantasy writers, particularly those who love humor, bow to this woman as our goddess.  Not only was she out of her mind in a very British and manic way, but with her TOUGH GUIDE TO FANTASYLAND she taught a number of us to ditch some ill-considered tropes of our genre.  If you write historic fantasy in particular, move heaven and earth to track this book down.  There’s a bonus: some of the entries will make you laugh till you cry.

           She is best known for her books for middle grade and teens, but they are enjoyable for all readers.  I cannot list them all here because my fingers will break (curse you, arthritis!), but these titles will give you a jumping-off point.  And remember, authors change with each book, so you won’t encounter the same author with each title as the author you read in the previous one!

           The Chrestomanci books, all in the same universe, in order of story,

                       not publication

Charmed Life  (1977) An innocent lad follows his plotting egotistical sister to live with England’s chief wizard

The Lives of Christopher Chant (1988)

Conrad’s Fate (2005)

Witch Week (1982)

The Magicians of Caprona (1980)

Short stories

 The Dalemark Quartet begins with

The Spellcoats (1979)

3 sequels

 The Derkholm books are

Dark Lord of  (1998)

Year of the Griffin (2000)

  The Tough Guide to Fantasyland is standalone, but is a kind of offshoot of the Derkholm books.  You don’t have to have read the Derkholm books to get Tough Guide!

 There are other books and stories by Jones—I’ll let you find them on your own.

  Philip Pullman

To this day I am unable to call him anything but Mr. Pullman—that’s how much in awe of the man I am.  We’ve had dinner together, talked on the phone, talked at an event or two, done a conversation on audio with Christopher Paolini—it’s still Mr. Pullman to me.  (I was an assistant in a literary agency when I discovered his work, and I never recovered.) He is, in a word, brilliant, and his interests range through all kinds of areas, particularly history and religion.  I could have talked with him forever that night we had dinner, but the poor man had jet lag and I let him go to collapse.  It was one of the best exchanges of ideals, values, and books I’ve ever had.  

Read his work carefully, because what he discusses is never just the story on top.  No matter what he writes, he is making strong points about social justice, human nature, religion, and history without preaching.  He is one of the few male writers out there who can write female characters as people, not Something Different.  And you never know, with his work, where he will go next.

 The Ruby in the Smoke,

book 1,  the Sally Lockheart mysteries

Victorian mysteries with a female hero and male assistants,

           The Book of Dust and sequel,

first 2 books of The Secret Commonwealth

           His Dark Materials trilogy

                       The Golden Compass

                       2 other titles                

           THE COLLECTORS

           LYRA’S OXFORD

           THE WHITE MERCEDES

           FAIRY TALES FROM THE BROTHERS GRIMM

           I WAS A RAT!

           TWO CRAFTY CRIMINALS

           COUNT KARLSTEIN

           (I will stop here and let you find the rest. Most are available as Nook books.)

  Sharon Shinn

I discovered Sharon Shinn with JOVAH’S ANGEL, but a shortage of funds left me unable to pursue my interest (I am an economic disaster with libraries, so I buy rather than borrow) until, with a job and money to spend, I spotted THE SAFE-KEEPER’S SECRET.  It is the story of a medieval-ish world and a small village where a baby was left with a childless couple.  She is raised as their daughter and discovers, as she grows, that her mother is an important, a Safekeeper, the person to whom a secret can be told, relieving the person who told it of the weight of guilt from it, to be carried by the Safekeeper until the owner either decides to tell or dies.  (And if they die without giving permission, the Safekeeper never reveal the secret.)  The baby who is adopted by this town’s safekeeper becomes the safekeeper in her turn.

           The next book is THE TRUTHTELLER’S TALE, about a girl who acquires the gift (??) of telling the truth, whether the person she tells it to wants to hear it or not. The third book is The Dream-maker’s Magic.  The three main characters now learn why they have been brought together over the course of the two earlier books, in what I thought was a satisfying, if unusual, conclusion.

           And there’s more!  I just did the two I love best!

             THE SAFEKEEPER’S SECRET (book 1, two sequels)

           ARCHANGEL (4 books)

           TWELVE HOUSES (5 books)

           ELEMENTAL BLESSINGS (4 books)        

SHIFTING CIRCLE (2 books)

           UNCOMMON ECHOES

           GENERAL WINSTON’S DAUGHTER

           GATEWAY

 Daniel Jose Older

 I was a Daniel Jose Older fan before I was sent DACTYL HILL SQUAD for a blurb (preodactyls in flight!  Of all sizes!  Confederate spies!  Thuggish bigot northerners!  The backlash of Gettysburg and the forced recruitment of blacks for the war effort! And strong, smart, fierce kids of various ages, sizes, colors, national heritage, and skills doing their best to help the war against the slaves, keep escaped slaves safe, duck the cruel managers of the homes and jails where they are being kept, find a half-decent meal, free other kids in trouble, learn who’s killing their friends, and help the dactyls!  That’s part of it, anyway!

Yeah, I loved it.  And there’s at least one new book, and once I’ve mowed though that, there are his older teen books, and his grownup mysteries, with their half-dead taxi driver who doubles as a part-time troubleshooter for the undead powers in his Bone Street Rhumba series.  {happy sigh}

  Edgar Allen Poe

Yes, some of these are reminders of why we ended up to be the readers we are and to nudge us to corrupt—I mean, “introduce”—­new readers to the glories that are our legacies.

­

THE COMPLETE TALES AND POEMS OF EDGAR ALLEN POE

           Here are the greats:

poems like “The Raven,” and “Annabelle Lee”

stories like “The Fall of the House of Usher,” “The Telltale Heart,” and  ::shudder:: “The Pit and the Pendulum” (yes, a deep pit and a swinging pendulum topped with a razor-edged blade will be featured in this story).  

My dad would read these to us on dark and stormy nights when we lived near the Pacific ocean, when the fog came rolling in, softening every sound, when there were no cars driving by and no other sounds in our house but his deep voice and the crackle of the fire in the fireplace.  We would listen, soundless, as he wove the stories and poems around us and the foghorn sounded offshore.

           That’s the power of Poe.

  N. K. Jemisin

I think I began with Jemisin’s THE HUNDRED THOUSAND KINGDOMS, soon followed by its sequel THE BROKEN KINGDOMS.  The series ended with a third book, THE KINGDOM OF THE GODS.  She presented a rich and varied world from the aspects of people of different classes, showing the growth of societies and their formation.  I have a secret passion for society-building and social interaction, and whether or not a book is difficult to read (as Jemisin’s books are in spots because she refuses to insult a reader by talking down to them) is immaterial.  I want the world and I want the characters, and with her far-reaching mind and her respect for her characters she delivers each and every time.  I have read almost everything she’s written since that first trilogy: if I’ve missed something, it’s because I was in the middle of a deadline and on the road and somehow didn’t see it.  I’ll catch up!  This is just a sample:

           For readers of all sexes and adult reading skills

 The City They Became (pub’d April 2020)

 The Inheritance Trilogy:

           The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms, 2010

           2 book sequels

Novella: The Awakened Kingdom, 2014

                       Triptych: Shades in Shadow, 2015 (3 short stories) 

             The Dreamblood Duology:

           For readers of all sexes and adult reading skills

           The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms, 2010

                       Two sequels

 The Broken Earth series:

         The Fifth Season (August 2015)

                       Two book sequels

And there are plenty of short stories out there.  I may even have missed a book or twelve!

For those who prefer to hear my ramble in person, a video!

[softlass27]

whoops, this is long after midnight. oh well!

Robron Week Day 6: Family

Fed up with Chas and Paddy fighting in front of Eve yet again, Aaron decides to take her away for the day.

AO3 link here

“Ah, shit,” Robert muttered, frowning at the bread bag in his hands.

Aaron looked up from where he was shoving an extra bottle on suncream into a bag. “What’s up?”

“Bread’s gone mouldy.”

“What, already?”

“Yep.”

“Okay, I’ll nip to David’s and get some fresh – ”

“He’s closed the shop today, remember? Him and Eric have that family do on.”

“Okay, we’ll just have to stop at Tesco or something and buy some sandwiches.”

“Or you could nip to the pub and see if Marlon’ll make us some? Maybe those chicken and avocado ones he’s started doing?”

Aaron sighed and set the bag down. “Seriously?”

“What?” Robert shrugged innocently. “They’ll be nicer than some shop-bought ones.”

“Why do I have to go?”

“Look, if you go now, I’ll get the rest of the food sorted and handle getting Seb ready. Deal?”

“Fine.”

Aaron power-walked up to the pub, checking the time on his phone as he went. It was a bright, sunny Saturday morning – the first warm weekend of the year – so they’d decided to take Seb to the beach for the day.

The pub wasn’t due to open for another couple of hours, so Aaron bypassed the main entrance and went straight for the back door, only to stop short at the sight in front of him. There on the doorstep sat Eve, still in her pyjamas with her knees pulled up to her chin and tears streaming down her face.

“Hey, squirt.” He approached her slowly, keeping his voice soft. “What’s with the tears?”

Eve just shrugged, wiping her nose with her sleeve.

Aaron crouched down to her level, lightly chucking her under the chin.

“Come on, what’s the matter? Has something happened? Someone upset you?”

She hesitated for a moment, before getting to her feet and pushing the door open to step inside. Aaron followed her and was immediately assaulted with the sounds of his mum’s furious shouts coming from upstairs, loud enough to echo through the house. They were soon followed by Paddy shouting back just as angrily, his voice high-pitched and defensive.

Aaron sighed and picked Eve up for a cuddle. “What’s going on?”

“Dunno,” she said into the fabric of his t-shirt, breath hitching. “Mummy’s been cross with Daddy since last night.”

“For god’s sake.” Aaron muttered through gritted his teeth, scowling as her carried her into the back room.

His mum and Paddy had sworn to him that this sort of thing would stop, that if they had to fight, they’d at least make sure Eve wasn’t around to see or hear it. He set her down in front of the TV, where Saturday morning cartoons were playing.

“Okay, I have to speak to Uncle Marlon really quick, then I’ll be right back. Wait here, alright?”

He darted through to the pub’s kitchen, where Marlon was preparing food with the radio blaring. When he caught sight of Aaron in the doorway he jumped a mile and scrambled to switch it off.

“God, make a noise, would you?”

“Yeah, sorry. Can I ask a favour?”

Marlon sighed heavily, putting his peeler down on the counter. “I suppose?”

“Me n’ Robert need some sarnies but our bread’s mouldy and David’s is shut. I was wonderin’ if you wouldn’t mind whipping us up a few?”

“Sorry, you think I have the free time to just make you and your husband a packed lunch?”

“It’s not like the pub’s open yet.”

“I’m still busy!” Marlon threw his hands in the air. “Just because there’s no customers doesn’t mean I don’t have meals to prep, do you know how long it takes to do ratatouille?”

“… I don’t even know what that is. Please, you’ll be doin’ us a massive favour, I’ll owe you one.”

Marlon held out for about five seconds, before rolling his eyes and grabbing the bread. “Fine. How many am I making for?”

“Three.” There was a sudden loud thump from upstairs, the sound of something being shoved or thrown to the floor, shortly followed by the loudest shout yet.

“They’ve been at it all morning,” Marlon grumbled irritably. “That's why I had the radio on so loud.”

Aaron glanced up at the ceiling, thinking quickly.

“Y’know what, make that enough sandwiches for four, actually.”

He left the kitchen without waiting for an answer and returned to the back room.

“Hey, how d’you fancy a day at the beach with me, Rob and Seb?”

Eve’s head whipped away from the TV to look at him, her eyes lighting up hopefully. “Today?”

“Yep, we can go right now. What d’you think?”

“Yes!”

They went to Eve’s room upstairs so Aaron could help her get ready, digging some beachwear and a swimming costume out of her wardrobe and doing his best to distract her every time the sounds of shouting from behind her parents’ closed bedroom door increased in volume.

“Oh no,” Eve froze as Aaron tied her shoelaces for her, looking at him with alarm. “I don’t have a bucket and spade.”

“That’s alright, we can get you a bucket and spade when we get there.”

“Will they have pink ones?”

“I’m sure they will.”

Picking her back up with one hand and grabbing her backpack with the other, he tiptoed down the stairs and made his way back to the kitchen.

“Those sandwiches ready, Marlon?”

“Here you go.” Marlon handed over a tupperware box. “There’s some leftover crisps in there, too.”

“Cheers, you’re a lifesaver.”

“Marlon!” Eve waved her current favourite stuffed bear at him with excitement. “I’m goin’ to the beach!”

“Wow, lucky you!” Marlon grinned at her. “Alright for some.”

Aaron let her slide down to the floor and passed her the tupperware. “Why don’t you go wait by the door for me, yeah?”

Eve nodded and exited the kitchen, holding onto the sandwiches tightly.

“Do, er, do Chas and Paddy know you’re taking her?”

“Nope.”

“Is that wise? Not letting them know?”

“Marlon, they were so busy tearing strips off each other they didn’t even notice me comin’ upstairs and getting her ready to leave with me.” He sighed heavily. “They can’t keep doing this in front of her, it’s not fair. I couldn’t just leave her sitting around by herself, not with all that goin’ on.”

Marlon chewed his lip. “I suppose you’re right. I always tried to keep my relationship problems hidden from April when she was that age – not that I always managed it,” he added with a slightly sad smile. “I wish those two would try a bit harder sometimes. Eve’s lucky to have you for a brother, honestly.”

“Cheers, Marlon. And good luck with your rata-whatever.”

“Ratatouille.”

“Yeah, that.”

He led Eve outside, pulling his phone out of his pocket and tapping on his mum’s contact. It took a few rings before she answered.

“Hi love, now’s not really a good time – ”

“This won’t take long,” Aaron cut her off sharply. “Just thought I’d let you know that Eve’s with me, I’m takin’ her out for the day.”

There was a short silence, followed by a noise of confusion. “Wait, what? What do you mean she’s with you? She’s downstairs watching cartoons.”

“She was, but now I’ve got her. I’ll bring her back sometime tonight.” He glanced at Eve, who was playing with her bear a couple of feet away, and lowered his voice. “Or I can always just let her stay over at mine, if you and Paddy need some more time to hurl abuse at each other?”

“What? No, we’re not – I’m just, I’ve been so tired this week, Aaron, and Paddy was getting on my last nerve, you won’t believe what he said to – ”

“Save it, Mum, I really don’t care. I’m just letting you know where your kid is, in case you were interested. Talk to you later.”

He hung up and slid the phone in his pocket, before taking Eve’s hand and leading her towards the Mill. She talked excitedly the entire way, all traces of her earlier upset gone as she babbled about everything she wanted to see and do at the beach.

They entered the Mill to find Robert and Seb sitting on the sofa, shoes on and ready to go.

“Hey,” Aaron kicked the door closed behind him. “Room for one more?”

Robert’s eyes briefly flickered down to Eve before he looked back at Aaron. They held each other’s gaze for a split-second, before Robert nodded in understanding.

“Course there is.” He got to his feet and grinned at Eve. “Come on then, sooner we get there, sooner we can get started on the world biggest sandcastle.”

Seb whooped loudly and took off outside, grabbing Eve’s hand as he went, the two of them chatting animatedly to each other as they dashed for the car.

“Your mum and Paddy at it again?” Robert asked quietly.

“Yelling loud enough to make the windows shatter. She might need to stay over tonight if that’s okay?”

Robert sighed and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Like you have to ask. Come on, we'd better get a move on before Seb tries to drive off without us.”

*

The four of them had a great day. They managed to snag themselves a decent spot on the sand, with enough space for them to build what did turn out to be a pretty epic sandcastle. They took the kids paddling and rock pool exploring, Aaron kicked a football about with Seb while Robert helped Eve look for seashells. And when the kids were happy enough playing with each other, Aaron got to stretch out in the sun next to Robert, sighing contentedly as his husband played with his hair with one hand and held a book with the other.

Saturdays didn't get much better than that. Aaron must’ve snapped about a hundred photos on his phone, saving a great one of Robert with his freckles coming out in full force as his new wallpaper.

As the afternoon drew to a close, they packed up their things and wandered along the seafront until they found a nice-looking pub on the seafront, deciding to stop there for their tea before heading back home. Since the air was still warm, they parked themselves on one of the outdoor tables, a young waitress bringing out a couple of children’s menus and crayons for them.

While they waited for their order to arrive, Eve started using the crayons on the colouring-in section of the menu, tongue poking out in concentration, while Seb pulled a few handfuls of rocks and pebbles out of his pocket, pouring them onto the table.

“Dad, are any of these fossils?”

“Let’s have a look.”

Aaron spread them out and the two of them bent their heads over each one, Aaron showing Seb what to look for. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Eve repeatedly pushing her hair out of her eyes with increasing frustration, only for the coastal breeze to blow it back in her face again, blocking her view of the picture she was trying to colour.

“Rob, can you get – ?”

Robert nodded and pulled Eve along the bench towards him. “C’mere, let’s get this sorted otherwise you’re gonna end up with a proper bird’s nest.”

He grabbed a hairbrush and a bobble out of one of the bags and started brushing Eve’s hair, doing his best to tame the messy tangle of curls. He’d just finished putting it in a neat-ish plait, when the waitress reappeared with their food. Aaron quickly moved Seb’s rock collection aside so she could put the plates down and Robert picked up Eve’s colourin, carefully folding it and putting it away so she could finish it later.

“Thank you,” Seb said to the waitress when she set his plate down in front of him, keen as ever to talk to adults like he was one of them.

“Fank you!” Eve immediately copied him, even as her mouth was full with a handful of chips she’d already started scoffing.

The waitress smiled fondly at them both. “You’re very welcome.” She glanced towards Aaron and Robert. “Well-mannered, aren’t they?”

“Hm, when they want to be,” Robert said lightly, tucking a napkin into Eve’s collar before she inevitably got ketchup all over her t-shirt.

“You should see them in the mornings,” Aaron added. “Then you might change your tune.”

She just laughed and shook her head. “You have a lovely family.”

Huh.

Aaron froze, eyes flicking to Eve before he looked at Robert, who also had a slightly surprised expression on his face. It was a fair assumption, he supposed – no one would guess he and Eve were siblings, not with their age gap, not when he and Robert were closer in age to most parents than his mum and Paddy were.

“Oh, uh, actually she’s my – ”

“Thank you,” Robert talked over him loudly, mouth upturned in a polite smile. “That’s nice of you to say.”

“Is there anything else I can get for you?”

They both shook their heads and she went back into the bar, while the kids both tucked into their food hungrily, oblivious to what had just happened. Aaron slowly picked up his knife and fork, catching Robert’s eye.

“She thought… ”

She thought Eve was ours.

“Yeah.” Robert popped a chip in his mouth, raising an eyebrow at him. “Is that so bad?”

Aaron stared at him for a moment. He thought of his mum and Paddy, probably still back at the pub screaming bloody murder or giving each other the silent treatment, filling the house with a frosty atmosphere. Or perhaps Paddy had stormed out, hiding in the surgery and leaving his mum to stew, oblivious to anyone or anything other than her own anger.

He thought of how Eve would have spent her day if he hadn’t popped into the pub for sandwiches, and felt his stomach turn. She would have spent it stuck in among the tension, miserable and lonely and probably spending her Saturday bored out of her mind. He shot a glance at her now, sitting across from him with a happy smile on her face, cheeks pink from the sun as she nattered away to Seb in-between bites of her food.

“Nah. It’s not.”