#been dying to talk about what happens to her during the betrayal scene and the alone mission

[kozumesphone]

✮⋆˙ 𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄

⤷ percy jackson x emma (@riordanness)

masterlist | event m.list

♡ fandom | percy jackson and the olympians

♡ includes | songfic (sort of), joining luke, luke calling you by a nickname and being understanding (overall we get nice luke), betrayal, little fluff to angst, hurt with no comfort, swords, daggers, very mini fight scene, overall sadness, altering the timeline of the book a bit

♡ in which | emma has to betray percy in the tlt timeline (includes spoilers for whoever hasn’t read chapter 22 of tlt)

♡ a/n | omggg, I was on a writing hiatus, but this got me out of that slump fr. emercy are goals <33 anywayyy my heart hurts after writing emercy angst so I WILL make up for it by writing emercy fluff at some point (hopefully during the event itself).. enjoy this one tho!!

♡ wc | 1.02k

✮⋆˙ emma’s pov

it had been a long day after percy returned to camp, glorious, after his quest. after all, that’s what all demigods thirsted for: δόξα. glory.

as soon as my eyes met his, I practically ran into him. we toppled over because of all of the unexpected force, and he just laid there below me, holding me gently.

pressing kisses to my forehead and my cheeks. running his fingers through my hair. smiling at me, and taking me in.

“all right, lovebirds! chiron and the others want to talk to him too,” grover’s voice rang out from above us.

snapping out of my hazy dream-come-true, I get up slowly and reach my hand down for percy.

“hey princess,” he whispered, still holding me close, after he stood up.

“hey handsome…”

I loved having him in my arms, memorising the feel of his hands around my waist, his lips against mine. who knows when I’d get to feel it again, if ever?

✮⋆˙ percy’s pov

her eyes, hollow. smiles, forced.

what happened to her in the days I was gone?

timeskip

✮⋆˙ emma’s pov

as the campfire was dying, empty mugs of cocoa and packets of marshmallows lay in the trash bag behind the logs.

will and his siblings sang beautiful songs, played music, as all the campers joined in.

percy and I were huddled together on a log, warmth radiating off each other.

everyone said their ‘goodnight’s and ‘sweet dreams’ knowing well and good none of us would sleep without nightmares.

“wanna turn in for the night?” percy asked, pulling me up from our log.

I smiled at him and nod. we walk to cabin 3. he offers me a hoodie and I remain in my denim shorts, ready to leave as soon as he falls asleep.

we plop onto his bed, and he tells me everything about his quest, as I take him in. at one point, we begin cuddling as he continues talking.

“hey, perce?”

“mhm.”

“I love you. you’ll remember that forever, won’t you?”

“‘course I will. I know you do. I love you forever too, and I hope to find you in elysium, my love… you’re never leaving me, are you?”

“of course not, dumbass.”

scattered ‘cross my family line…

i’m so good at telling lies…

that came from my mother’s side…

told a million to survive…

“good. I don’t think I could go a day without you there to stop me from stapling my finger by mistake again.”

I let out a sudden laugh. “oh, what about that other time you-”

“I completely made a fool out of myself in front of everyone by tripping over air? whatever,” he rolled his eyes.

sometimes, I wish my mortal father hadn’t taught me to hide my sadness so well. too well. I suppose he did do a good job, at the end of the day.

timeskip

with one last look at percy’s sleeping form—oh, so peaceful and beautiful, my baby—I stepped out of the cabin with our picture frame from percy’s bedside, weighing heavy in my bag. my hair whipped around my face because of the wind, right outside cabin 3. I turned to luke, waiting for me. I noted a hint of sadness in his eyes as well.

scattered ‘cross my family line…

god, I have my father’s eyes…

but my sister’s when I cry…

“luke, please. I don’t know if I can do this,” I whispered, eyes burning with the fire of a thousand suns–bright enough to illuminate his face.

“we can’t stop now, em. not after we’ve worked so hard, for so long. we can’t let it all go to waste. I didn’t want you to do this with me either, because I know he could hate me with ease after a while, but you? never. he could never look at you with anything other than love, and i’m sorry I have to take you away from that,” luke said, with glistening eyes.

quietly, I nodded, not trusting my voice to not shake. luke looked in the direction of cabin 6, and turned to walk towards the portal. I followed him, as we walk into the woods.

I can run, but I can’t hide…

from my family line…

from my family line…

“i’m sorry, perce. I love you,” I whispered into the wind.

“then why are you leaving me?” a voice shook behind me, just as we reached the portal.

I turned around sharply.

“percy?”

“princ— emma. why?”

oh, all that I did to try to undo it…

all of my pain and all your excuses…

“it’s… a long story,” I hardened my gaze. “we’re done. i’m sorry.” if this was going to work, he had to hate me. hate me from the bottom of his heart. hate me enough to be able to send me to the depths of tartarus, if needed.

“are you stupid?– hey! luke! get away from her!” he yelled. luke and I moved closer to each other as my cold gaze rested on percy’s face. I registered the betrayal and hurt in his eyes, my heart breaking with every emotion flickering across his face. his face morphed into something emotionless, all of a sudden.

I was a kid but I wasn’t clueless…

someone who loves you wouldn’t do this…

“you know what, emma?” he spat. “I can no longer recognize you. and that’s not even the saddest part. it’s the fact that you no longer make any attempt to make me understand you.”

“for the daughter of the goddess of love, I clearly have none of it left to give,” I said, unsheathing my sword. luke’s backbiter glowed faintly behind me.

percy looked alarmed for a second, but took out annabeth’s dagger, startling luke.

they swung at each other, as I stood there. nicking at one another’s body. I rushed in to help luke, so we could escape soon. my face was in the middle of a swing percy sent luke’s way, and his dagger slid down my face.

oh, I deserved that.

all of my past, I tried to erase it…

but now I see, would I even change it…?

[cassianandfenrysaremyboyos]

Some scenes I'd love to see from Casteel's pov in his book

The scene where he's introduced as Poppy's new guard and see's her unveiled for the first time. You know he had a "holy shit she's the most beautiful person I've ever seen" moment.

The rise scene! Just an oscar emmy pulitzer winning scene. One of my favourites.

Also I wouldn't mind the library/ledge scene. Seeing Casteel's reaction to finding Poppy mysteriously gone from her room, and having no idea how she got out?? All the way to finding her out on the ledge lol

The willow scene. Because Casteel led Poppy out to the garden that night, specifically to take her!! And I need the conflict of his mindset going "This is it, I'm doing it, I'm taking her tonight" to "I'm not taking her! I can't do it!"

Him keeping a bedside vigil while Poppy is drugged/sleeping after Victor's death, as alluded to by Poppy in this passage "I had this weird impression that I hadn’t been alone while I slept. There was a sensation of callused palms against my cheek, fingers brushing hair back from my face. I had the faintest memory of Hawke talking to me, whispering when the room was filled with sunlight and when it had been taken over by night."

The stables/betrayal scene. Because the angst! I can't wait to get into his head during that time where he's acting all nonchalant and charming but on the inside is dying that he's hurting Poppy!! 💔

When Poppy gets stabbed. I wanna see Casteel's worry and his guilt and his pain (when Poppy says "it hurts" and he thinks she's talking about herself but she's talking about what she feels from him! *cries* 😭) And all the anguish of him knowing that he's the one that put her in that position and that it's his people who hurt her. And getting to see what he feels when he gets stabbed. Which again, more angst and pain but also Casteel just being Casteel about stabbing 👀🙄

When he pulls out Landell's heart. I just love that scene and love Casteel's "Nobody insults my wife" moment! I mean sure they're not married yet, but *Ben Wyatt meme* it's about the energy!

Honestly just need like the whole time they're in New Haven, in general. Seeing all of Casteel's internal conflict and his thought process as his feelings for Poppy deepen and his whole plan unravels and he struggles with what to do. And how he goes from I'm gonna use her to I'm gonna marry her. The poor simp!

The emotional argument he and Poppy have in Spessa's end where they finally start to hash things out and he says "I didn’t plan on being drawn to you. I didn’t plan to want you. I didn’t plan on risking everything to keep you. I didn’t...." and he get's interrupted by Emil. Because I KNOW he was going to say I didn't plan on ... LOVING YOU!! I know it! And even if it turns out he wasn't gonna say that, he was!

When they first return to Atlantia and Poppy leaves to go see the temple of Nyktos. I wanna see Casteel's reaction to the sky starting to rain red and all the Wolven suddenly shifting and tearing off towards the temple and him being like "Poppy!" and his panic realising something's happening and she's in trouble. And I need to see the moment he comes up the temple stairs and see's her and realises what she is and bows 😭

When Poppy gets hit with the bolt. Because again, the pain, the drama, the angst, Casteel crying!!

And the number one scene that I absolutely need from Casteel's pov... When he wakes up from the poisoned arrow and finds Poppy gone and GOES ABSOLUTELY FERAL, to the point where both Kieran and Casteel's father have never seen him like that before!!

[dllamarama]

Episode 6 Queen of Tears BaekHong recap

Scene: Ramen and chill

After the emotional kiss they served to us, we finally saw a definite shift in their relationship. We can finally see them moving forward together, hand in hand. But Hyun Woo’s betrayal will be exposed, because YES found his divorce paper, we knew their happiness will be short and their suffering will continue. They are having ramen as a dinner and we saw that Hae In is already losing hope after being rejected by the cancer centre and she is already prepared to face her death. During her talk, if you look at Hyun Woo's expression it is exactly what I previously thought about him. He was not ready to face the reality, which is why he denies his feelings for her. He could no longer accept the fact that Hae In is dying, he knows now that he really can’t live without her. Before, he was hoping for her death, but now he is desperately hoping for a miracle to happen so that Hae In could live. He loves her. Hae In revealed to Hyun Woo about her will that she wrote before they got married. She wrote it because she wanted to marry him and her mother won’t give her blessings without the will. Once again, Hae In proves that she has always been sincere with her love for Hyun Woo, and Hyun Woo only realising it now. He probably felt stupid and pathetic for believing in Grace’s lie and doubting Hae In. He felt the weight of his previous actions and felt guilty for them, he makes her believe that he loves her when he was not and for making her trust him that he is the only one that will stay by her side and protect her. My heart just ached so much for them during this scene, because after the revelation of the divorce paper, all the things that he said to her during this moment were overshadowed by the effect of his divorce paper. Hae In will no longer remembers this moment after that because his betrayal left a big impact on her.

After so long, they are finally using the same bedroom again and this time they both wanted it. They are ready to mend their marriage life that has been overdue for too long. But, (sigh… why does things never work smoothly for these idiots) Hae In is hesitant and she feels that it is too awkward and early to take things further. So they start with small talk about everyday life. Hae In mentions Yena which was involved in a minor car accident a few days ago and her husband that insisted on her signing inheritance paper before anything happened. Hae In said to Hyun Woo that she is fortunate to have him as her husband and there is no other guy like him. Not knowing that Hyun Woo was plotting behind her back and now facing the guilt for lying to her and pretending to be worried for her.

He has finally FINALLY come back to his senses and our sweet Baek Hyun Woo has returned! He knows for sure now that no matter what happens in the future, he won’t leave her and he is sincerely praying that Hae In will be able to recover from her cancer. They are making small steps to mend their broken marriage by spending time together in Germany. Germany really holds the key to their marriage (and will also bring them misery). A very short recap to when Hyun Woo was meeting with the doctor, there is a very short moment where the scene shows Hyun Woo clasping his hands when the doctor agrees to try another procedure to increase Hae In’s white blood cells. While his face and voice did not even falter for a bit, it seems that it was probably the last resort to appeal to the doctor. He couldn't afford the doctor to reject them and when the doctor finally gave them the chance, he was relieved. A competent lawyer with a very good argument at that point was actually not confident and nervous. He was scared that there was nothing they could do for Hae In.

Scene: Strolling around Germany

Oblivious to the ruckus that happened back home, they spend their day exploring Germany just like how they did during their honeymoon. It started with them waiting for a train and Hyun Woo being the centre of attention again. That face card never declined apparently. Seeing them fight about petty things is the peak romcom we finally get from this series. Hae In’s jealousy of her perfect husband with a lot of admirers and Hyun Woo’ jealousy for Hae In’s first love (himself). The romcom is finally romcom-ing. They went to find their lock at the bridge but failed, walking around the day market aimlessly, just talking and eating together. When Hae In bought the four-leaf clover, it is obvious that she is holding onto any hopes that come her way. Hyun Woo noticed that and his expression darkened. He was not expecting Hae In to actually believe in the words that the salesman was saying, but he knows that she probably felt insecure and not confident to recover from her illness. They went back to the hospital for Hae In to receive her injection and she was baffled at the fact that her weight increased by 3kg. But this time, she looks brighter than the first time she arrived at the hospital alone. Because this time she has Baek Hyun Woo by her side. On her way to the treatment room, Hae In’s symptoms appear and this time she sees her dead older brother. Hyun Woo frantically ran outside when the nurse told him that she was seen leaving the hospital grounds from the CCTV. They share a deep talk about her disappearance and the reason behind her brother’s death. The talk made him understand her better and actually build a stronger foundation of his newfound love for her. They need to communicate more to understand each other and it won’t be until in later episode where they realise how bad they were at communicating to each other.

Scene: A big storm is coming

Hae In needed all the luck in this world and his husband is on the run to get them all for her. Can we just admire for a few seconds there, how fast he is running and how good he is at running. Man, so damn good looking at doing the most basic thing (but is anything ever basic when you’re THE Kim Soo Hyun). Back at home, everyone is furious due to his divorce paper and accusing Hyun Woo of whistle blowing. This family is so stupid no one can save them anymore. Once again we noticed how detailed-oriented Hyun Woo is. He is actually able to find their lock because he remembers the position of the cathedral when they put it there 3 years ago. Sad BGM is on, and we know our hearts will be crushed with them. They’re on the opposite side of the road when she switches on her phone (whyyyy) and finds out his divorce papers from her mom. Fuuuuuuuuuuuu…..

Summary:

Silence for the pain that they (we) need to endure for the upcoming episodes. Sigh… their happiness and our happiness is too short-lived. Baek-Hong war will start and it’s time for Hyun Woo to receive his karma for wishing for his wife’s death. He will pay for it and HARD at that.

[theribbonmarkedroom]

Been holding on to this idea in drafts since last year when the season 5 finale aired but it’s back on my mind so here it is:

A lot of people have been really focused on whether it was Emilé or Amilé at the end of the season 5 finale (and for good reason), but I haven't seen as many people talking about the ramifications of Adrien believing his father helped defeat Monarch on him and his relationships with the people who knew? The moment it comes out that 1) his father was Hawkmoth and all his iterations and 2) the people closest to him KNEW and didn’t tell him is gonna result in the crash out of the century.

Whether it’s a confrontation of Ladybug (and by extension Marinette), Nathalié, Félix, Kagami, Plagg or anyone else who knew, it's gonna be insane. I feel like it would be significantly worse with Nathalié and Plagg. Nathalié because she was aiding Gabriel and because of her parental-like relationship with Adrien, and Plagg for obvious reasons. I do know that it would be even worse with the Adrien/Chat and Marinette/Ladybug dynamics tho.

As Chat Noir it’s gonna be crazy because as his partner, Ladybug didn’t tell him who Monarch was (I’m assuming she’ll lie and tell him she didn’t know/see who he was during their final battle), so it’s an issue of trust (again). Especially because she'll have to fabricate this bs story of how the final confrontation went since Chat wasn't there. It’s also an issue that Ladybug didn't tell him as Adrien because he has a right to know since Gabe was his father. In that same way, Marinette knowing because she’s Ladybug is a deeper issue because Adrien is her boyfriend and further, one of her closest friends. Imagine we get an identity reveal (I know, delusion but walk with me here) after Adrien or Chat finds out that Ladybug knew his father was Monarch and now he has to grapple with a double betrayal... And if Lila somehow tells Adrien first before Marinette/Ladybug gets the chance to and THAT leads to a confrontation? Oh brother...

Lastly, Adrien's relationship with his father has been far from normal. It's never going to sit right with me that he'll go on believing his father was some kind of hero after he's been nothing but manipulative to him and so many of his loved ones. It breaks my heart so many times over that Adrien didn't get to confront his father for all of the mess he put him and his friends through as Gabriel AND Monarch. I'll always wish we got a scene like the movie had, or an expansion of the Chat and Monarch fight but post-identity reveal, but I'm living for the drama regardless. Also the pure insanity of Adrien finding out that he was the reason his father was slowly dying due to his cataclysm as Chat Noir is just something I need to see on my tv it's been driving me crazy since that episode aired.

[cobra-bunchofnumbers]

Umbrella Academy S4 Spoilers!

Man that final season just doesn't exist in my eyes. I would've rather Netflix have cancelled then what we got because honestly it was pretty bad.

I don't think them dying was bad at all, I also thought that would happen in the end but its just how they got to that point just felt so undeserved and rushed. They really dropped the ball with Allison in this season because I really believed they were gonna follow up with what happened last season and she'd be put in the ringer, but nah. She just is mildly afraid to talk to her siblings and they also don't really care either. I get there was time jump but like come on its like her betrayal just gets brushed to the side.

Five was absolutely done dirty. I kinda get what they wanted to do with him but i don't think it works at all because Five is Five, we've seen him be so determined to save his family that i really can't believe him to just sit in his fantasy world with Lila and not go back to help them. This is not the five we've known since S1 and getting back to Lila and Five. What the fuck was that romance/cheating arc!?! It really did nothing for the plot other than to have more dysfunction in my dysfunctional family show? Just overall really cheap drama for the sake of drama.

Diego is also fucked up here as well, I really don't get how he got here other than not having powers made him regret having to provide for his family so he just complains and wants to be back in the good ol' days. Granted he that terrible of a father in this season but seriously what that about?

Luther is a stripper which was kinda funny, I mean im not gonna turn down the offer of seeing more of Tom Hopper's physique and it was nice seeing Luther feeling good about himself but I guess that stopped around season 3 anyway with Sloane, and yea Sloane just gets casually remarked and we see him kinda sad about it and he comments to Diego about how him and Sloane would've loved to have what him and Lila have and then she's just never mentioned again despite being a big part of Luther's life in also a short span of time. My guess is the actress didn't want to come back or she was busy but yea all she gets is a mention same with Raymond who just walked out.

Viktor i don't really have much complaints about him, I think he's probably the only one that had a decent arc, I guess he's just a really bad boyfriend now? It was nice seeing him finally putting Reggie in his place during the mansion scene and seeing his screen time with Reginald.

Gene and Jene are a great pair on screen but they don't do really anything other than its nice seeing these two act together.

Klaus has always been underused in my opinion. That whole sex slave medium plot is certainly a choice. It didn't really bother me but just it also didn't really do anything other than be plot b for awhile. I do like how Klaus acts without his powers, him being so just afraid of everything because without his powers he's just a mortal man, and I also like that touch of him being afraid of his powers because he wants to be sober. If i always thought he was underused well in this season it really feels like he does nothing to progress the plot other than being there in the end.

Absolutely no mention of Pogo, I guess Reginald just deleted him from existence just like Sloane. Kinda messed up to be very honest.

There's probably more stuff i have issues with but this post is already quite long and probably messy but overall I would say if you haven't seen 4th season, come to your own conclusions but don't also expect anything and maybe you'll enjoy it i guess?

[naetaesarya]

POL JON RIDDLES

HELP ME OUT GUYS

Riddle #1: IT'S GREED AND TYRANNY WHEN DANY WANTS TO TAKE BACK HER FAMILY'S DYNASTY but it's righteous and right and empowering when the Starks (Sansa) want to take back the North. THE TARGARYENS ARE THE REAL COLONIZERS NO DOUBLE STANDARDS HERE WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.

Riddle #2: Dany's love is cheap compared to her greed for the Iron Throne!!!11

...So why does Jon need to sexually use, abuse, manipulate, and fake his love for the power crazed Dany ala Pol!Jon to steal her armies and dragons if her worthless love is so cheap then...? It's not like sex is going to help out Jon's lacking martial forces much or add sense to the non-sensical Pol!Jon. Or what, does that not fulfill the Jonsa teen scene dreams of sweet sweet betrayal for thy true love Sansa?

Riddle #3:

"It's preposterous to think Jon, who has always tried to do the right thing, would betray(or even kill) his aunt just for shits and giggles."

So what is Jon, Jonsas? An uber asshole who is Sansa's personal garbage disposal? And will callously abuse, use, and manipulate a rape victim? Or does he have a conscience? Because yeah, I think the the two are mutually exclusive here. How does a decent person with a conscience (who Jon is supposed to be) do this to... anyone? Why would Jon do this to Dany? What has Dany done to warrant this? Conquer? Robb Stark, Jon's brother and best friend. Stannis Baratheon, the claimant Jon supported in ADWD. The Young Dragon, Jon's idol. How dare Dany want to take back her family's dynasty! Just like the Starks!! All the Northern houses love the Starks and want them back! (Except the ones who don't) The Skagosi too!! (Except they keep rebelling when the Starks try to force them to submit...) But seriously, since when does Jon hate Targaryen conquests? Or... Targaryens?

But I digress, let's look at Pol!Jon. In contrast, Pol!Jon hates the young conquerer Dany! How dare Dany conquest!! Pol!Jon doesn't idolize the Dorne-invading dragon-riding Young Dragon!! Eww!!! But here's the thing: nothing about Pol!Jon makes Jon the hero as this particular Jonsa likes to argue. Everything makes him the asshole -- from every angle. Jon can't be a hero performing 100% villainous, unnecessary, and stupid stupid actions all so he can dispose of one girl (Dany) so he can go ahead and marry another girl (Sansa) who looked down on him in childhood for wholly classist reasons. (No no, no misogyny here!) Everything Jon does in this scenario justifies Dany (or Dany's supporters) going to war against him -- and the North -- because it's treason. How can Jon realistically get away with that. How would GRRM let Jon realistically get away with that. For Jonsa?

It doesn't matter how much of an asshole you are dying for Dany to be, it won't make Pol!Jon any less of an asshole in his characterization or actions toward Dany.

And if Pol!Jon hates Dany so much that he's willing to abuse, use, and callously exploit a rape victim when her love for him is apparently so "cheap" (because apparently, these are your versions of them), it seems like he is doing extreme stuff for shits and giggles -- and to make the situation far far worse (handing Dany a reason to go to war against the North, intentions to start another civil war despite multiple wars going on and the North's lacking resources, making an enemy of a powerful queen and during a time of probable desperation...).

I'd call that psychotic.

(On another note, I'm a Jon stan but... uh, there are times in ASOIAF when Jon does not do quite the right thing...)

I* know Aegony has been theorized as endgame ship for a reason but imo those are the same people who have grossly mischaracterized something about Dany and Jon.*

The irony.

They are the same ones who have denied Dark Dany and insist how her greed for the IT was actually just her doing her duty as the last Targ and that Sansa was the power hungry one actually.

Hilariously, this happened in the same show Jonsa never became close to canon (not matter what Jonsa conspiracy theories say), the same show in which Sansa kept risking the life of her "beloved" brother Jon and betrayed him multiple times (funny, Dany never did that...), and the same show of which GRRM has repeatedly said his ending would be different.

Oops :)

And Jonsas wonder why the fandom has a problem with them.

[sarabehaveokay]

ALL OF US VILLAINS

♾️/5⭐️ from me

I finished this in 4 days it’s literally so good ;probably the best book I’ve read in 2022. It’s literally a combination of my two all time favourite books The Atlas Six + Hunger Games

SPOILERS AHEAD

Alistair lowe immediately became a favourite character when i first read his chapter. Maybe because im just a sucker for the tall, dark and handsome characters but there’s a kind of quiet softness/kindness in him that shouldn’t be there given how he was raised (to be a monster) even though it was designated for his brother alone its still there. Isobel Macaslan is up there too, maybe second (?) at first i wanted to hate her so that it’d be easier when she dies (so alistair could win) but then i started to feel bad for her. She never wanted any of this and she’s been deserted by her “friends” and is also forced to live up to the standards of her family that didn’t even bother to acknowledge her until now. She’s incredibly talented and intelligent but it doesn’t make her fears of dying in the tournament go away. Gavin Grieve to be honest, I didn’t care much for him; sure i pity him because of his circumstances, his family and those around him treating him like a dead man walking. He was fuelled by rage and hatred in the tournament and wouldn’t consider a world where the curse can be broken because or else… what’s the point of all of his preparations? He rejects change and there’s not much of a character development imo for him because until the end he’s still fighting in the tournament still fixed on killing Alistair and get the high magick. Briony Thorburn I’ll be honest, i have not figured out how to read her name is it like (bri-ya-ni ?) i think she’s one of the most important characters in the book because it’s her resolve to save her sister -after sulking for days because she couldn’t kill 6 teenagers- that made her want to find a way to break the curse and no matter how far fetched the theory she needed it to be true because or else her betrayal to her sister was for naught. I hate that sweet little Carby died but it’s also necessary for it to be in the hands of Briony because all this while shes been talking about saving everyone and she’s the first to kill someone and even worse, her ally. It is an accident but she’s also spent the better part of her years claiming (proudly) to be the thorburn champion basically advertising she wanted to murder.

I love the enemies to reluctant allies to lovers to enemies trope between Alistair and Isobel. Like he was down bad for this girl i mean he was willing to die for her the night they were trying to get the mirror relic and again during their final duel ~because thats what rivels do~ and when he heard Briony’s theory he wanted to be true so that he could live with Isobel. There can be a world where they are alive together and he wants that so badly. Isobel trusts him more than she knows she should, she stayed to in the castle to hear out Briony at Alistair’s request. She was the first outsider to see him not as who he was supposed to be, a monster. The crosswords questions they ask each other like “the 7 letter word to endure” “Survive” scene was so cute and I love em. But now there’s a betrayal between them and though I feel like it’s merely wishful thinking now I do hope they find their way back to each other or maybe he’ll die who knows what’ll happen 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

But think about it right if Gavin hadn’t made Alistair bury the lamb’s sacrifice ring in the tournament, Isobel hadn’t dismissed the curse breaking theory and Finley and Briony had arrived earlier (before they took the tournament outside) he wouldn’t have killed the other girl (i forgot her name but i also didn’t really like her at all) that attacked his brother. He would’ve still been on their side and it all wouldn’t have been more complicated with the outside world being involved. Also i love the Lowe brothers but Isobel was right, even if the tournament ends by murder or curse breaking, his brother would still be lost forever. But I also understand him wanting more time with his beloved brother and i think he knows that all he is doing is just delaying the inevitable.

I honestly CANT WAIT for the second book ALL OF OUR DEMISE because i truly truly love this book so much there’s just nothing like it.

[teatitty]

Sparbossa Brainrot Part 2: I Get Crazier

Part two of my Sparbossa meta! This movie is over two hours long so of course I had to split this into pieces I'm dying out here but it's worth it. I didn’t want this to be anything above a two-parter but haha it’s gonna need a part three. Fuck

Something I didn't touch on in my previous post is that Jack and Barbossa both use over exaggerated expressions and gestures and posturing and its all done expertly well to sell their respective images; Jack's the crazy one and Barbossa's the scary one. That's why it's so important to pay attention to every subtle thing they do because a lot of their nuances are hidden behind the micro expressions, the tiny gestures. When Elizabeth is eating on the Pearl, for instance, pay close attention to Barbossa's features and you'll see the hunger that's consumed him for years. You'll see his envy that he can't enjoy it like her. Very good acting!

Regardless, we are now on the Isle and while Will is purely focused on Elizabeth look at Jack. He has eyes only for Barbossa. You can see the beginning of a sneer on that wrinkle by his nose, the zoned in focus of his eyes

Will briefly looks over at him but Jack pays no attention to him, and his breathing is deep and slow, the same way a predator might breathe when hunting in the bushes. He only snaps out of this when Will calls his name and tries to get to Elizabeth

There's a lot I can say about this scene but Jack's low threatening thrum is back in the background and not only is his body tense and strung like a bow but so is his voice. He's barely restraining himself from snapping outwards and oh that line; "Have I ever given you reason not to trust me?" the layers it has given past betrayals. Do you think he ever said this to Hector, that night of the mutiny?

His eyes are crazed, his smile no longer friendly. It’s sharp and pointed - a baring of fangs instead of teeth

Barbossa's threat of music is back here too and this is where Elizabeth fucked up by using the name Turner. This is where Will fucked up by knocking out Jack - because only he can get through Hector's rage

They all outnumber Barbossa and yet the simple act of him drawing his sword has them stepping down and if that doesnt tell you everything you need to know about him I dont know what does

More of Jack with the Cursed Crew! They don't immediately try to kill him they just gather around him in a big group because "holy shit you're not dead" he tries to leave but they all cut him off at sword and gun point and then Ragetti helps him remember the word 'parlay' and look it's just really amusing how they all like. Let him gather his words instead of just shooting him right here

“Damned to the depths whatever madmen thought of parlay”

It's about the shared history, the begrudging respect, knowing he can talk circles around you but letting him do it anyway because you still kind of like him even though you left him for dead

And of course the moment you’ve all been waiting for I’m sure. The Sparbossa reunion! This smug ass fucking look at seeing Barbossa again, Barbossa's genuine anger and irritation, the way Pintel and Ragetti are viewing this like a tennis match, the most divorcee energy you've ever seen on screen

Barbossa's little expression shift during this bit he knows exactly what Jack is about to say and he hates it lmao he’s definitely heard this line too many times to count. It haunts his dreams probably

“Well I won’t be making that mistake -” gets right into Jack’s face - “again.”

Zoom in on Jack’s face. Yeah that’s hatred and anger plain as day

The mic drop moment, the pause as Jack's words hit him, the irritation returning tenfold because god fucking dammit its been ten years but he can never ignore a thing Jack says. "Unless he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you" except Barbossa always believes Jack and that’s what happens when you used to be besties and know a man inside and out as well as you know yourself

Didnt get it here but there’s an impressed nodding motion he does before saying this, with a smile like he cant quite believe he's doing this again and yet here they are. And Jack, knowing he has Barbossa in the palm of his hand again

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE HILARITY OF THIS NEGOTIATION SCENE, THE SHEER DIVORCED ENERGY THAT WE ARE SEEING RIGHT NOW, THE NOTE OF DISBELIEF IN BARBOSSA'S VOICE, HIS LITTLE CHUCKLE, JACK'S OFFENDED GASP AS HE SAYS "NO" I WISH I COULD SHOW U EVERY SINGLE MICRO EXPRESSION THEY HAVE HERE ITS SO FUCKING HYSTERICAL

The pettiness on display here, not just in Jack's words but also his eating an apple, knowing how much Barbossa loves them, right in front of him and then offering it to him like an olive branch they just dont make films like this anymore you could do an entire fucking thesis on this scene alone

Barbossa’s face falling as the mutiny is used against him here mates how the fuck else am I supposed to interpret this if not a sign of momentary regret

(Do hate that these subs change “innit” into “isn’t it” though. British rage at that)

They both turn their heads to Bo'sun when he interrupts them and says Captain but I couldn't get a good shot of it because the monkey kept blurring oops but here’s the start of Jack’s disdain for him

Jack trying desperately to stay in control, like he has been for the past however many hours, and Barbossa is having absolutely none of it so he goes for the lowest blow he can, in a voice that's almost affectionate

This is the exact moment Jack knows he's lost this round because Barbossa's jab wasn't just about losing the Pearl. "People are easier to search when they're dead" is also a morality difference. Barbossa is merciless and ruthless and Jack simply trusts too easily. It's not just about losing the Pearl. It’s about Jack losing Hector too

Now this shot is incredibly interesting to me because it's the only time we've seen him waste an apple. But he doesn't throw it into the sea immediately; he just looks at it for a moment, contemplating. Is he thinking about taking a bite himself? Is he thinking about Jack? About their past? About the mutiny? Whatever those thoughts might be he throws it because Jack is the one who bit it and he chucks it with such force that it's gone within a blink

The apple has signified Barbossa’s hunger throughout the movie and continues up till his death. It’s the first thing we see him eat in Dead Man’s Chest - it’s his semblance of humanity, his pleasure, his lust, his thirst. It tells him he’s alive and so for to contemplate the one Jack took a bite of specifically before hucking it as far from himself as possible? Well how else do you expect me to read this really

This look right here, as he sees them lower the starboard anchor, trying to pull of a move as daft as Jack...so many emotions behind just a look. And all the while he's petting Jack the Monkey with softness and affection, the same as he has all movie. I have thoughts about that but we'll get to them in a bit

This is def smth Jack has pulled multiple times in the past for Barbossa to A) know immediately what it is and B) alread have a counter measure for it ("Hard-a-port, rack the starboard oars"). I say that this must be something Jack has done because when Elizabeth proposes it Anamaria says she's daft and Gibbs replies "Daft as Jack!"

No comment just wanted to post this funny moment and the badassery of Barbossa standing unmoved as the Interceptor’s masts fall to either side of him

Parallel to when Barbossa grabbed Bo'sun's wrist for slapping Elizabeth and here Jack is doing it to stop someone attacking her again. Notice they both had the same hard grip and no-bullshit expressions :)

A couple of things here: 1) Jack really is just like a monkey, no wonder one is named after him. 2) all the passive aggressive micro expressions again! Like Jack's squinted smile after "We named the monkey Jack" and 3) why you naming he monkey you love and adore and show so much affection for after the man you betrayed and marooned Barbossa, that's kind of gay of you Barbossa, almost like you were in love with Jack Sparrow himself hmmmm

"Gents! Our hope is restored!" and more of Jack's micro expressions. The sheer pain displayed here he's so pissed off right now

Sparbossa core is being in sync with head turns

Jack is practically on his knees begging Will not to fuck up and so of course Will immediately fucks up. Barbossa has no clue who he is and honestly I think the only reason he doesn't just let Will do it is a mix of bafflement at the this boy and also because he was looking over at Jack here and saw Jack's response to this and it caught his attention

Jack: spewing out whatever bullshit he can think of Barbossa, knowing he's floundering: uh huh. sure. I bet he is

Notice how Barbossa's eyes move to Jack here, more of those important micro expressions I keep telling you about! Because now he knows what Jack was doing now he knows all of what Jack's plan was and Jack just. Slinks off to the side because haha yeah he's fucked

(Jack Voice) please save me I don't wanna be here with my ex anymore actually

Count how many times Jack looks murderous towards Will in this movie I dare you

And now Barbossa holds literally every fucking card on the table. Gotta be careful with your words Will you're dealing with pirates now and this one ain't as nice to you as Jack was

Jack in the background looking at this island like "ah shit here we go again." And then Barbossa says, "Don't impugn me honour boy!" and oooohhhh Jack's look of murder here

Top 10 Barbossa moments

I just wanted to point out that Koehler and Twigg are always together in this movie. Shame Koehler dies when the curse is lifted

It looks like Jack is repeating his "I always liked you" line to Twigg in the back here. I'm not very good at lip reading though so it could be anything but either way Twigg is taking it better than Koehler did

Trying real hard not to get thrown off again! This hurts just a little though because Koehler and Twigg do look like they were having a nice time with Jack in whatever they were doing back here

There's no hetero explanation for the way Barbossa enunciates Jack's name all the time. How he lengthens the 'a' and makes it all soft but harshens the 'k'. And the tender gaze he gives Jack, the arm around the shoulder as he points out the island... fellas this is a lot to digest I'm just saying

God but I do adore a petty queer pirate

The little squint as he brings up the rules of the code - that a marooned pirate be left with one shot in his pistol and Barbossa's aggravation at it, that constant push and pull between them. Simply unmatched

Barbossa knows Jack too well for this to work. It’s truly astounding how even after ten years these two still read eachother like clockwork

He know that Jack will dive in for the pistol, if nothing else. You can see the crazed obssession on Jack's face again and the disdain on Barbossa's in the back

That feeling when your ex takes your ship in the divorce twice

[blockgamepirate]

Guys guys guys

The three lives thing can't be just about any deaths that are plot related, not even dramatic ones. The canon deaths have to actually have a plot function as a loss.

(ftr I've seen multiple people suggest all of these, I'm not just vagueblogging about anyone specific. Also I haven’t actually seen the clip of Wilbur talking about it yet, I just saw the original reddit post.)

So, Tommy and Techno fist fighting in the pit is plot relevant and dramatic but Tommy dying just signified him losing the fight. That can't be a canon death, that makes no sense. It was clearly just Techno knocking Tommy out. He didn't literally murder the kid with his fists in a fight that was mainly for letting Tommy let out some steam, Niki and Tubbo at least would have had a bigger reaction if so because that would just be super fucked up.

It also wouldn’t make sense for Techno to do since he was trying to stop the in-fighting (I say “trying” because he clearly doesn’t actually know how to do that like a reasonable person.)

Wilbur getting shot while escaping L'Manberg after being exiled happened during a dramatic, plot heavy scene but him dying wasn't plot relevant and it sure as hell wasn't dramatic enough in itself to count as a canon death. The scene was dramatic, Wilbur getting shot was dramatic, but the actual death was just treated as a temporary setback, not an actual loss of life. IIRC nobody even said Wilbur died, nobody reacted like he'd died. I'd interpret it as him getting shot and being badly wounded, which actually works really well in the scene, especially how he ends up hiding in a hole waiting for Tommy to come pick him up. That makes sense if he’s too weak from bloodloss to walk by himself.

I also think you could easily see the scene where the walls are torn down happening the next day when he's recovered a bit so he's able to walk back to L'Manberg on his own.

(This is getting long, time for a cut)

I'd even argue that Tubbo was the only one to die at the festival, everybody else was only wounded. Potentially horrifically so but still not dead. Schlatt and Quackity got hit by the rockets and maybe Techno even thought he'd killed them but I don't think he did, they didn't react to their deaths almost at all. Imagine if he'd actually killed them, you'd think they'd at least be like what the fuck Technoblade. Also Niki got shot in the crossfire too but nobody said anything about Techno killing her. I think she got hit but survived. I think the people in the audience who died were all actually just incapacitated. Otherwise there should have been consequences, people should be actually angry or grieving the fact that they’re a step closer to death.

You can tell that Tubbo's death was canonical by how it was taken so seriously, much more so than anyone else's deaths.

Similarly Tommy's death in the duel against Dream: Wilbur said to him before the duel that independence wasn't worth him losing his life or something along those lines: that made his death actually impactful, the narrative weight put on his decision to challenge Dream.

I don't know what the other canon deaths would be, besides Wilbur and Jschlatt's permanent ones obv. Eret's betrayal is a good candidate, although I don't think it necessarily has to be since the betrayal itself was the focus of the scene and was impactful enough as is even if all that happened was that they were beaten up and had their gear taken. Techno assassinating Tubbo after the revolution also could be one but doesn't necessarily have to be, it was definitely a JFK moment but the scene would still work if it was just a Reagan moment (bc Reagan was shot and severely injured but survived, you know). In any case it can't be both since Tubbo would be properly dead. (It could also be neither.)

My point is, it's kind of driving me nuts seeing people just count everything plot related or dramatic as a canon death. You can have dramatic moments where nobody dies. In fact that could even make them more dramatic in some cases:

Imagine a wounded Wilbur leaning on Tommy as they struggle through the wilderness. Imagine Tommy lying on the ground, gasping, his vision still blurry from the punches as Techno calmly climbs out of the pit to talk to a satisfied Wilbur. How would either of those scenes be more dramatic if they'd died and respawned instead? They'd just lose a sense of groundedness in my opinion. And it would just be unsatisfying because nobody reacted to the fact that a character just lost a life.

The point of canon deaths, as far as I see it, is to give an in-universe reason for why some deaths have weight to them. It gives death consequences. But for that to work, the canon deaths have to be seen by the characters as deaths, as something being irreparably lost. And it has to be rare to keep its effect.

[caffeinatedseri]

Dazai and No Longer Human’s Yozo

It’s no secret that BSD’s Dazai draws heavily from his real life counterpart, especially from his semi-autobiographical work: No Longer Human. To preface, No Longer Human is written from the perspective of the main character Yozo, with the book itself being a documentation of Yozo’s notebooks (essentially his journals) throughout his life. 

As you progress through the novel, it becomes increasingly clear that Yozo lives an extremely two-sided life; his foolish personality acts as a facade to others in attempts to hide the darker nature within him. 

Dazai shares that obvious similarity with Yozo, but Dazai is characterized in a somewhat vague and mysterious way that leaves a lot of his inner thoughts up to interpretation and inferences. Thus, I’ll be going through some of my favorite quotes from No Longer Human and analyzing Dazai’s character through his similarities to Yozo.

(For the sake of readability, excerpts from No Longer Human will be in pictures, and quotes from the light novel will be in regular block quotes).

Dazai and Yozo’s Participation in Clownery

To start off, Dazai noticeably participates in the same “clowning” as Yozo, which in particular stands out with PM Dazai.

““How did your leg get hurt?” I pointed to the bandages, thinking that it must be the result of some violent fight. “I was reading a book titled ‘How to Prevent Accidental Injuries’ while walking when I accidentally fell into a ditch.” I wasn’t expecting such an abnormal response.” — LN 2, Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era (Oda’s POV)

This is pretty standard Dazai behavior, but the interesting part is how Yozo specifically used the word “deceiving.” If we were to assume Yozo’s true thoughts are Dazai’s as well, then it would imply that Dazai feels as if he’s manipulating people with his absurd claims (such as the above). However, in actuality, his clownish behaviors sound more like a joke, or some type of self-deflection, rather than an attempt to manipulate people. (Yozo also states that he would often incriminate himself by overexaggerating certain things, but I don’t think Dazai does that).

The second statement Yozo makes implies that he doesn’t care about ethics, morality, or the supposed “right way” of living life that’s described as “righteousness.”

Yozo’s statement on “righteousness” parallels Dazai’s in Dark Era, but Dazai’s statement carries a slightly different sentiment. Rather than being indifferent to the likes of morality, Dazai says that he’s “hated” by the concept of morality. 

I’ll be speculating a bit here → It’s heavily implied that Dazai had some sort of dark past that led him to joining the mafia, since he was already suicidal prior to doing so. This suggests that something affected his life so drastically to the point where he could no longer trust in such things as “righteousness,” because righteousness has wronged him in the past.

First, Yozo expresses his fear of people discovering his true nature under the mask of clownery, which would then lead to them pestering him for further inquiry. However, his real fear is that people would mistake his true nature as another part of his typical clownery.

More so than before, this attitude reminds me more of Dazai in the agency, rather than him in the mafia. Even though Dazai danced around darker topics in his conversations with Oda, he was still able to talk about them without much conflict. However, in the agency, Dazai doesn’t talk much about himself or any of his personal issues at all. 

Although this scene has comedic overtones, it’s interesting to see that no one would help Dazai if he was actually dying. Still, it could be argued that the other agency members knew it was just Dazai’s regular antics. (or that Dazai wouldn’t die in the first place). 

This scenario repeats itself another time when Dazai gets kidnapped by the mafia, and the other agency members kind of just brush it aside. As much as they may trust Dazai to take care of himself (which I’m sure he can do), it’s worrying that the other members may not be open to Dazai’s possible attempts at reaching out for help, if he were ever to make one. 

In LN 4, 55 Minutes, Atsushi addresses this issue by asking Dazai why he wants to kill himself, but the answer is left open-ended, with Atsushi himself not remembering the answer (or if Dazai even did answer). You could interpret Dazai’s change from his time in the PM as an improvement of his mental state — which I have no doubt that has happened — but Dazai needs to face his issues head-on if he truly wanted to reconcile with his past.

“Perhaps someone should persistently tie Dazai up, open the lid over his chest and stuff the head of a vacuum cleaner in. They have to let Dazai, who should be screaming in pain and resisting, settle down. Following which, the difficult things in his heart must all be dragged out under the sun and stepped on mercilessly.“ — LN 2, Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era

Oda, the man who understood Dazai more than anyone else could at the time, even specifically stated that the pain in Dazai’s heart must be forcefully dragged out, because he knew that this would ultimately be the most beneficial for Dazai’s sanity.

Throughout No Longer Human, Yozo is often misunderstood by others, or other people simply don’t care about him.

When Dazai goes to visit Oda’s grave in Dead Apple, Atsushi finds him and assumes that he’s visiting the grave of someone important to him, as an act of respect or remembrance, something of the sort. However, Dazai makes the automatic assumption that his “clownish words of deceit” (as stated by Yozo) will always be prioritized over the truth, which is why he chooses to brush off his actions as a joke. 

Although I made the point earlier that the agency members don’t give Dazai opportunities to open up about himself, Atsushi is notably different, similarly to Oda, because he’s able to take Dazai seriously and persist even through his antics. 

Atsushi takes Dazai’s act of visiting a grave seriously, even when Dazai plays it off, because he knows Dazai is a person just like anyone else. This understanding between them leads to Dazai telling Atsushi about Oda, thereby allowing Dazai to divulge a crucial part of his past.

Dazai and Yozo’s Friendships

Similarly to Yozo, Dazai’s attempt at “disentangling” himself from these relationships only serves to wear him out in the end. However, they also slightly differ in a way: Yozo is unable to form any friendships for his whole life, but Dazai had Oda. I would argue that Oda was Dazai’s only friend, mostly because of this quote:

“Odasaku understood him far beyond what Dazai had ever thought. He had already reached close to his heart, the place near the center of his heart. Before this, Dazai had never noticed there was someone who understood him so well. For the first time in his life, Dazai wanted to know something from the depths of his heart.” — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Oda was special to Dazai because Oda was able to understand him — maybe even more than Dazai could understand himself — which is why Oda is the only person that Dazai asks for advice from. 

However, Dazai does the same thing as Yozo when he “plays the clown” as a form of self-protection from such valuable friendships. (which is probably preventing him from becoming closer to the rest of the agency).

“Things that we don’t want to lose will definitely be lost. Now that it has come to this, I have no more feelings anymore. Things worth pursuing will always disappear the moment before you get them. Nothing is worth prolonging a painful life to pursue.” — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Interestingly enough, Dazai says this when Ango is revealed to be a spy — before Oda dies. If Dazai was in this state of distress from Ango’s betrayal, you could only imagine how devastating Oda’s death was. 

Dazai speaks as if he’s speaking from experience, which suggests that he’s faced a similar loss in the past. Despite this implied experience, he still became friends with Oda (and Ango to an extent), fully knowing that it would only bring him pain in the end. Dazai's statement here acts more as a front that makes him sound cold and detached from the situation, only to hide how he truly feels about losing one of his only friends. 

To give some context to this passage, Yozo’s partner, Yoshiko, had been sexually assaulted by a coworker, of which Yozo attributes the cause to her overly trusting nature. Thus, this leads to Yozo’s belief that trustfulness is inherently wrong or creates weakness.

Dazai’s hesitance to form friendships most likely stems from this same inability to trust others like Yozo, but Dazai does trust a few people, namely Chuuya, Oda, and Atsushi.

With Chuuya, there’s a different type of trust between him and Dazai. Their impeccable trust is obviously a key factor in their partnership as SKK, but there’s a certain limit with this trust. They certainly trust each other in battle, but I’d argue that this trust doesn’t extend to their personal business. 

As of now, we don’t know a lot about how SKK interacted with each other during their time in the mafia (which could change with the new LN), but I doubt PM Dazai would feel comfortable with confiding in Chuuya with anything because they (kind of) hated each other. The level of trust required for a friendship would involve a mutual understanding between two people, but Chuuya and Dazai haven’t necessarily shown us that they were able to do that.

Dazai essentially broke his trust with Chuuya by leaving the mafia on a whim, but he also intentionally antagonized himself to try to make Chuuya hate him.

This scene also has comedic overtones, but it suggests something a bit sadder about Dazai. There are possibly two motivations as to why Dazai chose to do this: (or a mix of the two)

1. Dazai didn’t want Chuuya to be incriminated as his accomplice when he became an enemy of the mafia.

2. Dazai wanted to push Chuuya away because Oda — Dazai’s most trusted friend — had just died. As a form of self-protection, Dazai broke whatever semblance of friendship he shared with Chuuya in order to prevent the same pain that came with Oda’s death. 

It’s also important to consider that trust is a 2-way street; both parties have to have the same level of trust in each other. Just like Yozo, if Dazai is unable to trust anyone, then he may have cut Chuuya off to protect him (since Chuuya may have trusted Dazai more than Dazai was able to reciprocate).

In contrast, Oda and Dazai have a level of unspoken trust that basically motivates Dazai to change his entire life. 

“Odasaku’s eyes radiate with conviction. The words are clearly said with some sort of strong basis. Is it past experience? Or perhaps someone’s suggestion? — He is trying to show Dazai the path he once walked. Dazai understands this. Dazai can trust it.“ — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Returning to Yozo’s question — “Is trustfulness a sin?” — Dazai answers it by showing us the strength of trust in this moment. Trust insinuates blind faith in another person, the willingness to believe someone else without logical reasoning, which makes it all the more important when PM Dazai — the genius prodigy who operates on a solely logical basis — is able to trust Oda and change his path in life. 

Atsushi is most likely the one that Dazai trusts the most in the agency, due to the aforementioned issues with the other members. However, it seems more like a budding trust that’s growing to become like Oda and Dazai, but it still requires Dazai to take that step forward to further their trust. 

Dazai and Yozo’s View of the World

In this scene, Yozo had made a decision for immediate gratification, but that choice caused him insufferable pain afterwards — supporting his belief that the world was a “place of bottomless horror.”

This parallels two of Dazai’s statements: one from Dark Era and one from Dead Apple.

“Please, take me with you. Wake me up from this rotten world of a dream. Come on, come on, come on!” — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

(Dazai wasn’t talking about himself here, but the allusion sets up a situation where he can talk about himself indirectly — I talk about it more in my other post here)

We don’t really get a reason for why Dazai is suicidal, but from this we can infer that it’s something more complex than he makes it out to be — something like an issue deeply rooted within the world, with no easy solution. 

One could guess that this was the result of an unfortunate decision (like Yozo), or the realization that the world was simply a terrible place (possibly because no one cared for him as a kid and he had Mori as a “parental” figure instead).

Yozo expresses his lack of understanding in the compassion of human nature, but Dazai (as we know) seems to understand other people perfectly, as least enough to manipulate them.

However, this forms somewhat of a paradox: Dazai understands people so well to the point that he can’t understand them.

Dazai understands every flawed aspect of a human being — the tendency to manipulate, lie, kill, etc. — most likely because of his past as a young child. “Human beings never did teach” him the hopeful aspect of human nature  — the ability to love and cherish others.

Shibusawa in Dead Apple reflects this mindset, but take note of what Dazai says: “You wouldn’t be saying that if you actually had friends” — clearly a reflection of Dazai’s personal experience, by knowing how important friends are.

Yozo’s deathly fear of society tames itself when he comes to the realization that society is really just made up of a bunch of individuals working for their individual benefit, so he has no reason to fear society as a whole.

I don’t believe Dazai has this same fear of society, but he does reflect this individualistic mindset in the way he acts. Often enough, Dazai doesn’t tell anyone about his plans and would rather manipulate people into following such plans, even when it would be easier to cooperate. He always takes care of conflicts by himself, and by his standard.

Yozo’s fear of society possibly manifested into Dazai’s ostracization from society. More speculation here, but → My guess is that Dazai was alienated not only as a genius isolated for his intelligence, but also for his ability. There seems to be some division between regular society and ability-users’ society, but I can see Dazai being rejected by both because he’s the antithesis to all abilities. 

Regular society would either shun him like other users or attempt to exploit him for their personal gain (possibly for his intelligence AND his ability), or ability-users would see him as a threat and/or menace to their safety.

When Yozo considers a double suicide with his partner, he comes to this unsure conclusion of whether or not he actually wants to go through with it.

This reflects what Oda believes about Dazai:

“I thought you and Dazai were very similar, unable to see the value of your life, hoping for death, hence jumping into a world of violence and fighting. But that’s not the case. That guy is just a child who’s too smart. Just a crying child who’s been left alone in the darkness, a world of nothingness far emptier than the world we can see.“ — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

At the end of the story, Gide and Oda are different from Dazai because they face an inevitable hopelessness. However, Dazai has a small spark of hope to live on that persists beyond the other two. 

This is represented in Dazai’s own statement to Oda, when Oda is set on walking to his death: “Go and rely on something, hope for something good to happen next, that something will definitely happen.” 

If anything, this sounds more like a plea to himself than to Oda, but it establishes an important point: hope is built upon the assumption that the future will treat your present desires well. Vice versa, hopelessness is built upon the expectation that the future will neglect your present desires.

It’s a bit wordy, so I’ll elaborate on. Right after Dazai says this line, they proceed to talk about their desires → Dazai wants to find a reason to live, so he joined the mafia; Oda wanted to become a novelist, so he didn’t kill anyone. 

Now, the difference between hope and hopelessness:

Oda feels hopeless because he expects that his present desire (to become a novelist) won’t be fulfilled in the future. By losing the one qualification that he felt he had to follow (not killing anyone), he no longer believes that he can become a novelist.

Dazai has hope because he assumes that his present desire (to find a reason to live) will be fulfilled in the future. He doesn’t know that for sure, but he persists onwards regardless of having full assurance or not. 

Dazai’s hope and trust in Oda brings him to where he is in the present, and takes him one step closer towards discovering his reason to live. 

[nikibogwater]

What did you think of Nari's characterization in ROTT?

Disliked it, as with most of the other things in the movie.

The short version of it is this: In Wizards, Nari's primary character traits were empathy and compassion for others. In Rise of the Titans, her primary character traits seem to be just a general lack of awareness for what's happening around her, and a tendency to make light of very serious situations.

Now before I get into the long-form answer, I will preface by saying that the writers of RotT were at a severe disadvantage when writing for characters who were introduced in Wizards because Wizards was still in production at the time. So I understand why Nari ended up feeling like a completely different character in the movie, and I am not shaming anyone for it. But the fact of the matter is that I found her characterization in Wizards to be much more appealing, and if that characterization had carried over to Rise of the Titans, I think I would've had slightly warmer feelings towards the movie. But let's get down to brass tacks now, because I've actually been dying to talk about this. This is gonna be a loooooong boi, so I've put everything under the cut to avoid clogging people's queues (I'm just really passionate about this bean goddess, okay? 😅)

When Nari is introduced to us in Wizards, she is quietly watching the arrival of our heroes at the castle. She doesn't make herself known to them, but it is clear she is very interested in what's happening. She does not make any other appearance until the Arcane Order launches their assault on Camelot.

Nari's first spoken words are, "Merlin! This is all my fault!" and as one would expect after hearing this, she is very obviously distressed and feeling guilty for putting everyone in danger. Merlin tells her they need to escape to the past, and that he needs her help in order to do it. Nari's response is to begin charging her magic as she says "I will do what I can."

After our main characters are thrown back in time, we're introduced to Nari as she was in the past. Although she is allied with the Arcane Order in their war against humanity, it's clear that she displays the least amount of malice out of the three. In fact, it's revealed that Nari has always been rather fond of humans, and has even reached out to them in friendship a number of times. After resurrecting Morgana, Nari is the one who does most of the explaining and introductions, showing a bit of a playful/mischievous side as she pokes fun at Bellroc and Skrael. ("I told you she would, Skrael! So old, and they still haven't learned manners.")

During the Battle of Killahead, we see Nari watching the war from a distance, and it's clear from the expression on her face that she is not liking any of this. Though she does briefly aid her siblings when they join in the battle, she reveals afterwards that she can sense the pain and suffering they have inflicted on others--and she doesn't believe the Order's ambitions are worth that. She abandons the Order, presumably spending the next 900 years in hiding, before seeking Merlin's protection.

Once our heroes have returned to the present, Nari becomes a bit more involved in the plot. She expresses genuine sorrow over the destruction of Arcadia Oaks High ("Your beautiful school-home was crushed!") and is clearly distressed by Jim's agony as the shard in his chest begins to work its dark magic. ("Poor soul! Your corruption...I feel it worsening.") After Jim is taken by the Order, we can see her comforting Toby in the background. She continues to show great concern and empathy for the people around her, and is still eager to help wherever she can, though her magic doesn't seem to be combat-oriented. She is also shown to be somewhat timid, hiding behind Merlin or Claire during confrontations with the Order--she is very clearly terrified of her old allies, and seems to want to avoid direct contact with them. When Douxie is struck down by the Order and is falling to his death, it is Nari who runs to try to save him before anyone else--apparently, if someone is in need, Nari's first instinct is to rush to their aid.

So, from all of that, we can gather that Nari, as she was characterized in Wizards, is intelligent, curious, cautious, gentle, empathetic, and very aware of what's going on around her. She is also a little playful and wild, but never to the point of disregarding what's happening or how others are feeling.

In Rise of the Titans, Nari remains consistent with this characterization for all of...seven minutes.

Initially, Nari is still very much herself in this scene (though I wish we could've been told what exactly made her want to stop running and face the Order head-on. Again, in Wizards, it was abundantly clear that that was the one thing she did NOT want to do). When Douxie expresses his anxiety about the situation, she takes him by the hand, offers him a reassuring smile, and says, gently but firmly, "No. No more running, Douxie." Excellent interaction. 10/10. Five stars. That's also the only time in the movie where Nari displays any level of awareness regarding Douxie's (or anyone's) feelings/wellbeing.

The body-swap scene is when Nari's character just completely swings in the opposite direction, and she becomes near-unrecognizable as being the same character from Wizards. Douxie, being our favorite Self-Sacrificing Idiot, swaps bodies with her at the last possible second, causing the Order to take him instead. Nari, now stuck inside Douxie's body, seemingly doesn't think much of this development at all. In fact, her first response is to giggle playfully. UM, NARI. NARI, SWEETIE, YOUR BIG BROTHER IS IN THE CLUTCHES THE MOST EVIL BEINGS KNOWN TO MANKIND. LIKE, THEY LITERALLY KILLED HIM THE LAST TIME HE RESCUED YOU FROM THEM, WHY ARE YOU NOT MORE WORRIED ABOUT THIS?! Up until this point, Nari has never been shown to underestimate the Arcane Order--she seems all too aware of the kind of violence and destruction they are capable of, which explains why she was so terrified of them in Wizards. But in Rise of the Titans she seems to just....not really care anymore? The entire time she is in Douxie's body, she doesn't express the slightest amount of concern for him, or for anyone around her. She just keeps doing...cutesy forest gremlin things, like singing to her flower, batting at a light fixture, and antagonizing Archie (she's definitely not the only character who was severely lacking in empathy in this movie, but this is an essay about Nari, so I'm not going to bother touching on everyone else). This is a direct contradiction to her characterization in Wizards, where she was shown to care deeply for the people around her, and displayed genuine distress whenever they were in danger or suffering.

Nari also persists in being pointlessly cryptic for the entirety of the movie because....reasons. Before the Order breaks Douxie's body-swap spell, she tells Jim, "Trollhunter make ninth configuration--the Kronosphere will make right." Which, of course, doesn't help him in the slightest. And when they finally succeed in rescuing Nari, she doesn't elaborate or explain this at all. She just says it again. Listen, I can get behind Nari being Insanely Ancient, and maybe a little out of touch with modern trends, but I'm fairly certain that Wizards Nari at least knew how to communicate. She never showed any inclination towards being cryptic or mysterious on purpose, at least. We're never given any explanation for Nari's sudden lack of clarity, so I guess it was just there for plot reasons. Which makes it that much more infuriating.

Also I don't know why, but the little "Hehe!" Nari does when Douxie pulls her into a hug kind of grinds my gears, because Nari, love, this is a really serious moment, you were just snapped out of mind control and your siblings are currently rampaging across globe in giant magical mechs, why are you giggling like a four-year-old and not, idk, SOBBING IN A MIXTURE OF RELIEF AND HORROR BECAUSE YOU WERE ALMOST PART OF WHAT DESTROYS THE EARTH?! AS THAT WOULD BE A MORE APPROPRIATE RESPONSE TO WHAT JUST HAPPENED????!!!!! But that's just a stupid little nitpick.

Now this is not me saying that Nari's characterization in the movie is objectively bad. Actually, it's kind of fitting for the Tales of Arcadia brand of humor--Super ancient demigoddess who houses the power to completely destroy the earth is also kind of a clueless ditz and needs to be babysat like a toddler. If she had not been introduced in Wizards, I would've been fine with this. But, much like the rest of the movie, Nari's vastly different characterization felt a tiny bit like a betrayal, and it consistently bothered me in every single one of her scenes. It also kept me from feeling the full impact of her death--seriously, I didn't cry at all when she was killed. Which....yeah, I'm just as surprised as you are.

So anyways, if you've made it this far, thank you so much for the ask, Non! Normally I have a bit more self control than to just....essay-dump like this, but honestly I've been thinking about this for way too long, and I had to get it out of my system. 🥴 And to anyone who really liked Nari's characterization in RotT--that's totally valid! Again, I don't think it was a bad characterization. It was just very inconsistent with her character as she was introduced to us in Wizards. And I just happen to prefer Wizards Nari over RotT Nari. 🌿✨

[stellocchia]

Ok this is about. Reaaally long ago but I don't think people ever really talked about it but.

Back during Manberg, when Quackity and Tommy talked down Wilbur from blowing everything up. Did Wilbur ever actually mean it or was he just manipulated by Dream afterwards or did he just decide that he now wanted to be a deceitful little bitch to get his way? Because he was betraying them for a while before the 16th.

Like. You remember how the plan was to get Schlatt to sign over presidency to Quackity? Listen it wasn't a great plan but I think it's really fucking clear that Schlatt knew what was up. After all, the date for the last war and the traitor were already set. And the traitor was Wilbur.

Pogtopia made the plan that would have everything ending peacefully and Wilbur apparently just went straight to Dream and told him so it wouldn't work.

The Tnt having been moved to Pogtopia? As far as I remember there was never any proof of that. The only proof we got was Wilbur saying it wasn't there anymore. Wilbur. Yknow. The traitor.

And he just stood there on the Comms with the people that thought he was on their side and acted like it wasn't where he left it.

When Dream announced there was a traitor? Well he knew. He WAS the traitor.

No wonder he seemed like an apathetic prick the whole time. The stage was set and the ending was written, everything else between that didn't matter. It was just bonus scenes.

Remember what Dream said, his deal with Wilbur was that no matter what. Wilbur would blow everything up. Nothing about Eret or Fundy or anyone else mattered and just.

What a cunt (and you know I have many glittery GIFs for this)

This is probably the only other betrayal on the server other than Erets. He deceived people that considered him their allies with the intent to harm them.

Yes. He wasn't complete evil. He cared. He showed that he cared quite often. But also, what does that change? Eret also cared about the Lmanbergians. They thought the war was unwinnable and ending it as quickly as possible while also getting a position of power out of it would be the most ideal possible outcome.

And just. I think it's awful how all these downright cruel actions of Wilbur are glossed over because during the festival he went back for Nikki.

YEAH AND DURING THE 16TH HE WAS OKAY WITH HER POSSIBLY BEING COLLATERAL DAMAGE

Listen. If this was just about blowing up L'manberg he could have been done with it easily. He sneaks out at night and just blows it up without any witnesses.

But no. This fucker is a mentally ill theatre kid.

And he's tragic. He's tragic because that's just how it goes sometimes with selfdestructive mentally ill people. And it's fucking sad. He had people that were clearly willing to help. Tommy was actively trying to help him. A nontragic victory was presented to him on a silver platter. All he had to do was not blow it up. The people around him and especially Tommy presented him with a chance. With an environment where he could heal and recover. But because he is selfdestructive he couldn't fucking accept it. I don't think it ever really crossed his mind to accept it. He is another one of his victims and that's fucking tragic.

But that doesn't negate the fact that he did those things. Yes he was harmed by them too but the thing with the word 'too' is that he was just another one of many.

He deceived people. People that trusted him. People that wanted to help him. People that didn't fucking deserve what they got. And even now that he's revived he's not sorry. And yes, he's still mentally ill but that doesn't make it ok. And just. People keep just. Forgetting how shitty of a person he was. And that's not just unfair towards the people he hurt that's also fcking stupid because he hasn't changed.

There's no reason not to expect the same kind of shittyness again. Because he hasn't changed. And just. I don't know how many people haven't watched season 1 yet but if they are still out there they should at least watch the pogtopia arc because especially with us being from the future, knowing what's going on and what's going to happen? Wilbur just gets worse when looking back.

So, that was another one of my Wilbur rants. You know me. I'll probably be back because I have many very big feelings on this man and how everyone is so quick to jump to his defense because he's not like other villains. He's different. He's just having a rough time. He's just quirky.

Just... Cmon. Yes he's redeemable, he's the most redeemable out of every villain we've had so far but that doesn't mean he's redeemed yet. Or even that he will be. Hold him accountable for his own fucking actions.

Yeah. I do feel that people often with him lean too much on the “he was always evil and corrupt and he was a dictator” or “he wasn’t THAT bad and even if it was, it’s justifiable”. 

Not everyone of course, it would be extremely unfair to say that, but I’ve seen enough takes for both sides. And it’s a pity because it takes away from his character in my opinion. Like, as a character to me he is better as a sympathetic villain that has done so much messed up sh*t and has yet to do anything to be redeemed than he is as just an UWU sad boy. 

Because he did do messed up stuff and he is still doing it. He is manipulative, and he did act with utter disregard to people’s lives before (both with him not knowing if someone would die on the 16th and repeating way too many time to Tommy that him dying was a good thing, which is pretty messed up ngl). 

But on your general point: yeah. That was actually betrayal, but his and Eret’s aren’t the only one. Technically Jack betrayed Tubbo with the whole Nuke thing (or tried to at least) since he was using something that Tubbo openly entrusted him to do something that would have possibly hurt Tubbo. There is also the Red Banquet, an execution masqueraded as an offer of peace is most definitely a betrayal.

That said yeah, those are the only actual betrayals (or attempt at one) that we’ve had that I can think of. 

[reginaofdoctorwho]

ok so i started this as a draft days ago and barely remember where i was going with this idea but i tried to fill it out a little more. basically it’s just that anytime Curt says he misses being a spy he misses being a spy with Owen or the spy he was with Owen. so probably everything is what everyone knows already

Curt ties being a spy with Owen. completely, intrinsically, whatever, okay?? in Spy Again Curt says “Owen would want me to do this”, and lists

hop in a jet and fly again

grow a spine again

do my best not to cry again

wear a suit and tie again

drink martinis and drive again

get by again

feel like a real important guy again

as what he’s going to do as a spy. let’s check off what happens before Owen’s reveal (i’m trying to include some)

hop in a jet and fly again

grow a spine again

do my best not to cry again (i’m trying to be nice here he’s probably doing his best despite what happens)

wear a suit and tie again (literally part of the mission)

drink martinis and drive again (he’s sobering up)

get by again (barely my dude)

feel like a real important guy again

which, decent, but our dude is also having gay flashbacks, messing up a very simple and clear mission, and mistakes flirting for fighting (to quote my friend “Amelie” “he’s,,, so bad at pretending to be straight”) this all being with him having been one of the greatest spies, to the point of recognition years after he retired.

and post Owen’s reveal

hop in a jet and fly again (we’re going to count whatever that in

grow a spine again

do my best not to cry again

wear a suit and tie again (i mean he doesn’t need it??)

drink martinis and drive again (ok i don’t know maybe?? he does shots before and THEN chases Owen and then he’s drinking whiskey when he meets with Tatiana)

get by again

feel like a real important guy again (look at him at the end

more below the cut because this is already long and it’s going to be even longer

Okay, to be more in depth, (this’ll sound like a lot of my other posts) at the beginning Curt Mega is truly a great spy. yes, he was captured by Oleg, but the entire interaction with him Curt is still in control. he mocks Oleg, breaks his fingers, hits the bat back at him, all while holding a conversation (and flirting) with Owen. he’s confident the entire time, he’s willing to go against plans and is overconfident to a fault. While Cynthia is somewhat rude and pays more attention to Owen in the beginning (”finally someone who knows what the hell they’re doing!”) but i think she’d treat him the same as Curt if he ever did decide to work for her. it’s partially a “bring in new talent” and partially a “keep the old talent from being overconfident” thing. i don’t think it’s an actual mark on what pre-fall Curt was like as an agent. but either way, their record was six minutes to get out of a building presumably set to explode (or implode. fuck if i know) and they were still both confident and eager to lower the time even more. and they would have accomplished it, if not for Owen falling. what i’m saying is pre-canon Curt was a very effective agent, was good at his job, and was likely almost never out of his depth.

in Spy Again, he’s talking about becoming a spy again, but he links this to Owen, believing that being a spy again would enable him to work past Owen’s death (”but maybe this time’ll be different, it might be what I need”). he’s haunted by the “memories” not “memory”, which could be taken as any time he and Owen worked together, not just when he died. he wants to be a spy, but even stating that and the things he misses about being a spy (above lists) starts to remind him of Owen (”and i know just where i’m goin’, me and my partner Owen!”). he sees himself post-fall, with his beard, alcoholism, and trying and failing to improve (”i do what i can, try to make a plan, to be a better man, but nothing seems to stick”) and again relates it to Owen (”Owen please, if you could see what’s become of me, what would you think?”). Curt decides Owen would want him to be a spy again (”i once was a spy. i think you’d want me to spy again”) and repeats it to make it stick (”Owen would want me to do this”), and that is what truly starts him off again. or so it would seem.

in his first mission back, Curt can’t start again. he has to talk himself into doing his job again (”looks like that someone has to be me. you came here to do this, so do the job, stop acting like a little pussy”), and then mostly rides along on what Tatiana does anyway (”i second that motion!) a far cry from the beginning Curt who did his job eagerly. and we are again reminded that Curt was a great spy when Sergio recognizes Curt on sight and says “is that Agent Curt Mega? ... i can’t believe this, the most famous spy in the world busting my arms deal. hey, would you mind signing something...” followed by DMA immediately being able to disarm Curt with ease, showing the contrast. Curt does recognize the baked goods are the way to hurt Sergio, but also loses the bomb to Tatiana

Curt is, at this point, still waiting [in a way] for a partner. it is not implied in the beginning that he and Owen worked together every mission, rather the opposite in fact (“MI6 didn’t tell me you were on this mission”), but he still seems to almost expect a partner, and goes off what Tatiana says even though they’re not working together, and they both train their weapons on the baked goods.

Cynthia points out that he’s been on an early retirement for four years, which Curt is very quick to correct as a grieving period. his hands shake during Cynthia’s drill, he fumbles the gun, and he has none of the grace or style of the beginning. when Cynthia mentions Owen and Curt’s alcoholism (”i remember when i got the call that Owen died and you lived, i screamed into Susan’s neck for fifteen seconds, then i locked it up and moved on. you on the other hand, you drank yourself to rock bottom...”) Curt doesn’t even look at her. when she poisons him, he’s still able to repeat back (in essence) what she said, showing that the spy of the past is still there, deep down.

Eyes on the Prize II is the (i think) first time we see Gay Flashback-Owen. he is notably not slipping and dying, as would likely be going through Curt’s head if he were haunted by that specific memory alone (going back to the “haunted by any memory of Owen”) thing i mentioned, but is instead also saying “keep your eyes on the prize” with the ensemble, again lining up Owen with Curt’s idea of being a spy.

during the casino scene Curt is clumsy with his acting, and is trying to get information from Tatiana (it’s all very awkward. “make it a white russian, hold the vodka, please, thank you so much” “excellent choice. one vodka martini bone dry, and one glass of cream”), but as soon as another person joins it (Dick Big), the relationship between them turns from enemies trying to get information from the other to an uneasy team (”i’m hardly alone, the woman and i were just about to-”), with Curt even giving a russian toast, and although Tatiana definitely notices when Curt is given a gun by the dealer, she politely declines to mention it, and when Curt offers her his arm while Dick is off finding a waiter, she smiles. and while it could be argued that it is just them working undercover, this did feel more genuine than when they are alone and back in their assumed positions (”besides, without that horrible face fungus, what will i have to yank?” “we are talking about fighting, right?”) Tatiana also recognizes that Curt is alone in more ways than one, both without backup and without anyone he can trust fully. in the short time they’ve been together, they already are close enough to friends that Tati apologizes for bringing him to DMA

despite the two of them being on opposite sides during this encounter, they are already beginning to act as partners/friends, and Curt takes her betrayal more personally than he should have

i’d also like to take this moment to point out that DMA almost instinctively stabs the Nazi henchman for saying “seems his noggin’s a bit dense!” of Curt

during Torture Tango, it seems like he’s having a natural reaction to getting tortured. Curt is nervous, he’s afraid, he’s ready to die (”you sick bastard, why don’t you just kill me already?”/”i can’t deny that i’m gonna die”). but this is NOT how the torture scene at the beginning went, even before he knew Owen was there. at the beginning scene Curt is arrogant, throwing Oleg’s words back at him, breaking his fingers, keeping a cool tone and staying in control the whole time. this time he barely talks to the DMA, he doesn’t fight back, he just accepts it. also, he sings “i once was a spy but i won’t be a spy again” and “thought i could say goodbye, but i can’t lie i wanna be a spy again” despite the fact that he is a spy again. he says he wants to be a spy again, but he already is a spy again, what he’s missing is Owen. he was once a spy with a partner he loved and could trust completely, and the partner felt the same way about him. that is what i believe enabled him to be such a good spy, he had someone who knew everything about him, being gay included, and he was able to act more confidently as a result. what he misses is less of the “go get the girl and go save the world” and more seeing his partner even for short periods and having the confidence that comes from being known. also, curt is on the verge of death and is still thinking of Owen (”doesn’t even matter if i killed my best friend”)

back to Tatiana, who’s having her own crisis. “is Mega my enemy do i let him die? i’ve got to think about my family ‘cause no one’s looking out for me...” she, at this point, has not interacted with Curt beyond the arms deal, the casino, and betraying him to von Nazi and DMA. despite this she still sees him as a possible ally, and ultimately does decide to betray von Nazi and DMA for him (to his understandable confusion). when she unties him, he only calms down when she holds her arm out to him, but he becomes so distracted by it and Gay Flashback-Owen that he doesn’t notice DMA is waking up until he’s already been shot.  i’d also like to point out that Gay Flashback-Owen is doing the same arm out pose Tatiana is doing while holding Curt’s arm

end of act 1. can i get a wahoo?

when Curt is with Barb, he acknowledges that he’s fucked things up, but still catches himself on saying he is a [great] spy again ”i was, i am, supposed to be the best”

i think during the gala he is trying to be the Curt from the past while ignoring why he was that way. he insists on going rogue, he confidently (and foolishly) announces that he is a spy, the prince will be assassinated, and that the Russians and Americans know, despite the fact that it doesn’t seem like a good idea if thought about at all. With blowing up the facility at the beginning there was some merit to it. they had been seen, they stole the plans and possibly wished to muddle why they were there, the facility might have had more plans they didn’t know about and they were already on a time limit. they also had a limit on the tech items they had (no rocket shoes :’( ).

when Tatiana rescues him again and takes him to his mother’s safe house, who mentions a “constant parade of drinking buddies, for poker or wrestling or whatever you boys do in the rumpus room” and while we could make an argument about Curt trying to move on after the fall, i think this youtube comment on the video is a fucking treasure and i will forever remember it.

i’d also like to point out now that Tatiana is truly the only character that i believe could “replace” Owen for Curt. he needs someone in his life who can know even the parts he hides from those closest to him, someone on equal footing with him, someone who doesn’t idolize him, and someone who works well with him. he can’t tell his mother, because she wants grandchildren, she wants a daughter-in-law, she wants to plan a wedding. it can’t be Cynthia, she’s his boss, it’s set during the Lavender Scare when he could lose his job for being gay. it can’t be Barb, who has an intense crush on him, and even when she does act in a platonic way, she is willing to risk her job based on the fact that it’s him (in an almost awestruck way). Tatiana is unimpressed with Curt when they first meet, they become friends quickly, work together to stop von Nazi and DMA, they are both spies at the top of the field, and she accepts him (”you’re cool with me?” “till the end!” “cool :)”). also, i think it’s interesting that Tatiana believes she is saving someone (her family) by leaving them behind, while Curt believed he killed someone (Owen his lover) by leaving them behind. just kinda parallels i think

before Doing This, Curt says he is is afraid that “[he’ll] never be the spy [he] once was” and that he believes he shouldn’t need anyone else. when Tatiana says he’ll get everyone who cares about him killed with his line of thinking he says the line “i already have.” explains about Owen, and adds “and that was back when I was the old Curt”.

during One More Shot, Curt acknowledges that he tried to get past missing Owen by trying not to need anyone else, which was wrong (“i used to think i could do this by myself i was fine, i didn't need any help“). this is him starting to take his friendship with Tati and being able to use it to see that while he cannot work alone, he doesn’t need one specific person to make him the man he is.

this of course promptly goes out the window when DMA is revealed to be Owen

however, Curt still calls Tatiana “partner” before going after Owen.

when he does go after Owen (One Step Ahead), he still thinks of Owen as the man from 1957 (”what happened to the man i knew?”). when Owen begins to explain, Curt tries to remind him of what they did “together. two of the greatest spies to ever live”. once again associating him and Owen together with being a spy

also, once Owen is dead (idk if i hope for real or not) again, Curt does make a change for the better. he’s able to be fairly confident around Cynthia, he tries to be enthusiastic about Barb’s tech/data analysis merge, he is able to talk about his “ex lover returned from the grave” with Tatiana. i do find it interesting though that he does not tell her about the other facilities, again taking it upon himself to fix it, and only telling her “give me a ring if you’re ever stateside”.

in a final moment, Curt is able to move on from Owen, and acknowledge “i once was a spy, i’ll always be a spy” with or without Owen.

[hollyyewblood]

Ninjago is something that always has been and always will be close to my heart. As someone whose been here since the beginning, in honor of just finishing rewatching the first two seasons with my brother (we’re gonna watch more tomorrow), I’d like to share some of my best memories with anyone that cares to listen (feel free to share yours in the comments!).

Prologues/Season 1: Watching it with my Dad and siblings, being completely surprised that Zane is a nindroid, ALL OF THE TRUE POTENTIAL EPISODES HAD ME ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT, being absolutely shocked when it was revealed Lloyd was the Green Ninja, calling our old T.V. a “rip off” when my Dad was having trouble starting it so we could watch an episode (I believe the exact episode was one towards the end of the season), the scene where the Great Devourer zooms in on the camera at the end of the second-to-last episode scaring the SHIT out of me, almost sobbing when Sensei Wu was eaten, almost sobbing when the Bounty was destroyed, being on the edge of my seat as the Ninja subdue the Great Devourer, screaming with joy when they did it, jumping with joy when Sensei Wu was revealed to be alive, being excited for the next season to see what happened next.

Season 2: Being glad that the Bounty was back, but also being upset it was now in Garmadon’s possession, laughing at Darreth’s antics, pajama men being the funniest shit, NinjaBallRun being FUCKING ICONIC (Season 2 had a lot of those episodes), seeing Lloyd turn older marked one of my first childhood crushes, biting my nails hoping that the Ninja would be able to correct the past, the Overlord creeping me the FUCK out, furrie Garmadon, my Dad/siblings and I cheering for Lloyd during the final battle, being happy af that Garmadon was turned good in the end.

Season 3: Dad stopped actively watching with us at this point. I’m actually only gonna describe my memories from one scene, that being Zane’s death scene since it’s the one I remember most. Dude, my sister (the oldest) was BAWLING her eyes out. Meanwhile, my brother and I had tears in our eyes, our mouths agape, and we just had to sit there and deal with it. It was SO SAD. I still get sad when watching it. Kudos to the creators, they made what I assume to be thousands of children cry. Kudos.

Season 4: OOOOOO BOI, SIMPING WASN’T A COMMON WORD BACK THEN, BUT THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT MY SISTER AND I WERE DOING FOR SLEEVELESS NINJA (MORE SPECIFICALLY ME THAN HER). We were all relieved that Zane was alive, the reveal of a bunch of different Elemental Masters was the most unexpected thing to us children, Skylor’s betrayal to the Ninja SHOCKING us, the Dragons being cool as fuck, Garmadon’s sacrifice being super sad, MY BROTHER AND I ONLY TALKING ABOUT “WHAT IS MORRO?” FOR LIKE THEEE MONTHS STRAIGHT LMAO.

Season 5: I immediately fell in love with Morro. That’s it. Send tweet. Lol, anyways- I thought Ronin was cool af, Airjitsu being The Shit, NYA BEING REVEALED TO BE THE WATER NINJA WAS LIKE WHATTTTTTTTT, I loved it. Absolutely dying of laughter at the Chima cameo, super sad that Morro died, I loved and still love him.

Also, fun fact: my sister stopped watching after Cole became a ghost because she was SO PISSED that they would do that, she still hasn’t got caught up even after we told her that he was turned back in Day of the Departed.

Season 6: This is where my memory blurs. I remember being shocked at Nya’s ‘death’, but apart from that, I can’t actively remember my feelings.

As for Season 7, I only remember that Acronix was funny. And that’s where we end. I’ve watched up the where Aspheera comes in, but I didn’t really pay attention due to being pissed that they changed the Ninja (I do remember despising Harumi). Now that I’m a bit older, I’m willing to give it a shot (the show ONLY, the movie forever stays unwatched), but I’ll be rewatching it all in order. Thanks for reading this stupid long post about the good times. As I said before, feel free to share yours! I’d love to hear how you all remember the show from when you first watched it :)

[stxleslyds]

MY TOUGHTS ON PART FOUR OF RED HOOD BY CHIP ZDARSKY :)

THIS ONE IS A MESS.

But first a little rant about my feelings about Red Hood in general at the moment.

I am not going to lie, it took me a long time to read this comic, I am kind of tired of reading this book, I feel like I lower my expectations each issue that passes by and I still get disappointed at the result.

Maybe I just love a Jason Todd that is no more and I have to accept the one we have now, but here is the thing, if this is what we get then I just don’t like it, and on rough days I hate it. These are very negative thoughts about one of the two DC characters that I love and I don’t enjoy having them, I don’t want DC to keep giving us this version of Jason or these versions of Jason, each time they change little things that just change the character from the one that he once was even more.

I feel a bit defeated about it and I don’t know, on one side I want to fight and scream so they can finally give Jason the characterization he deserves and for them to give up the bland formula they have going on with him and on the other side I just want them to stop, stop writing Jason Todd/Red Hood and that is so sad, imagine loving a character and wanting the publisher to stop making content with them because what they give is just terrible. I don’t know, this is a rant that I felt like writing before I read the issue (I did skimm it briefly), so don’t take this as part of the review, its just me explaining my feelings right now.

Anyway, I will start the review now, sorry for the rant.

Wonderful, this book is on crack (or should I say Cheerdrops?), the thing with this particular issue is that I had a great laugh, it’s funny but in a good way, it's stupid and it kind of doesn’t make sense, the only way to describe Zdarsky’s writing here is with a phrase that we say here in my country “se pisa el palito”, which means that he lies about something and after some time he reveals the truth himself by mistake or because he got confused, in this case Zdarsky makes Jason say something like “this time I have come prepared” but he is actually not prepared at all and like two pages later (within the same scene) he has Jason call himself an amateur, it's very weird and to me it translates to Zdarsky not liking Jason or just not caring about him at all.

And that sucks and it really bothers me. As I have said before this anthologies book might be called Batman: Urban Legends but the particular story I am reading is a RED HOOD one, I am not here for Batman content, I am here for Jason Todd content.

The fact that we are not getting a Jason-specific story in a Red Hood book is killing me, it would suck if we get, let’s say, a Nightwing book and its all about his relationship with Barbara…That is not a Nightwing book, that’s a Nightwing and (fake) Oracle book.

Anyway, this issue in general is like a connector, the things that happen are all happening because they will be developed in the next issues but what is said here is absolutely absurd so I will be talking about that.

This issue starts with a flashback and Jason from the present (who is currently a popsicle because he fell in Freeze’s trap) having a monologue. The flashback is set when Jason finds out that his birth mother is alive and is being used by the Joker so he (in civilian clothes) and Batman at doing some reckon. What I want to dive into is the monologue because it's interesting but also very dumb so here we go.

“What was I supposed to do? I thought I was an orphan; I carried that sadness and anger everywhere I went and then I found the woman who gave birth to me halfway across the world. I found her…and the Joker. He was blackmailing my mother, forcing her to help him steal medical supplies, which he replaced with a deadly gas, that was being hauled to a village.”

“Batman knew what he had to do. Save people, forever saving people. Batman has always been a master of control, every situation, everyone around him. He’s always known just how to handle everything. Until I came along.”

“How could he be surprised? How could the great Batman not know? I wouldn’t listen to him and he couldn’t hear me. And the fucking cycle continues.”

The first part of the monologue is pretty simple it's basically setting the scene in time and space for the reader and it also gives us a little insight on how Jason was feeling at the time which was quite nice. It sets up the fact that Jason wanted to help his birth mother out of a horrible situation, he wanted to save her from the Joker. (Hear that DC, haters and fanon, Jason was a good Robin and a loving and caring son!!!!!)

In the second paragraph of the monologue I would have assumed that Dick never existed in this universe because the idea of Batman being able to control Robin!Dick or Gotham back in the day by himself is incredibly funny to me but because Dick exists and has been mentioned in this story already I will just take it as Zdarsky wanting to really push the “Jason could never reach the level of good Robin because he was reckless and nothing like Dick” and the “Dick was always completely obedient and Batman’s perfect little soldier” narratives. It sucks man, this is like bad fanon made real and I don’t like it!

During this part we also have a little dialogue between Batman and Jason where the narrative of Jason being so incredibly reckless is explicitly shown once more.

Let me repeat myself, Jason didn’t take on the Joker because he wanted to prove himself to the Bat or to prove that he was as good a Robin as Dick was, Jason did what he did because he wanted to save the last person that he had that he felt was family, he wanted to save the woman who birthed him and that he was hoping he could call a mother. He worried and cared for this woman and then he was betrayed and it ended up ending with him dying at the hands of a mad man that to this day is still alive.

Jason wasn’t reckless for the sake of being reckless, he took the decisions he took because he didn’t feel heard by the man that was supposed to protect him and care for him, a man that had the same feelings of sadness over being an orphan, a man that despite being the greatest detective to ever detective in the multiverse couldn’t understand that Jason felt like the woman that was his birth mother could come first in his list of priorities. Jason was a child and the adult responsible of him at the time bares the fault of his death as much as the mad man that committed the crime.

There, I fucking said it.

Gladly in the third paragraph of the monologue Jason calls out Bruce on his bullshit.

Also, what the hell was Bruce thinking leaving Jason stranded in the middle of the dessert, the man literally takes the only mode of transportation away from him. What the hell.

That’s it for the first glimpse at the past, now we are in the present with Ice!Jason where Zdarsky lies to our faces, he says that Jason is prepared for this situation…I am sorry but I do not believe this.

Anyway, Jason does manage to break the ice but he trips on the iced floor almost as soon as he breaks free and falls in a hole. Are you kidding me? I know this is supposed to be funny but Jason has been written as this incompetent dumbass in this book so much that this is just insulting.

He manages to escape for three or four seconds but he realises once more that the whole thing was a trap because Freeze had actually closed all the exists with ice because he meant to trap the Bat (also maybe Freeze is under the effects of Cheerdrops?), Jason also tries to use his guns even though he had already thought about the fact that they wouldn’t fire because of the cold AND he didn’t pack his explosives, yeah… “I am now prepared”, sure Jan.

The last thing we see in this scene is Freeze getting ready to ice Red Hood once more before we start jumping from past to present scenes as Jason’s monologue continues, he does that a lot in this issue, it’s quite impressive.

We jump into the past and we see Jason going to help his mother in his Robin suit, her betrayal and the Joker being ready to torture and kill a child. From there we go back to the present where Jason manages to ask Oracle for help but not anyone’s he asks for the Batman’s help.

First let’s talk about the monologue that happens across these scenes because it has some interesting takes.

“Stupid amateur, its not going to be okay, not if we keep repeating the same mistakes. He never trusted me, I never trusted him. Neither of us lived up to the idea of ‘Batman and Robin’, the ‘Dynamic Duo’. Because Batman and Robin requires trust, it requires knowing you can’t do it alone.”

Let’s be honest as per the modern take on Batman and Robin (if it includes Bruce as Batman) the dynamic is quite dysfunctional, Batman doesn’t know how to care for a child and children shouldn’t be responsible for an adult’s safety, so the whole thing has been weird for every Robin, its not something that happened only to Jason but here is the thing, in Under the Red Hood (which is canon in this story) when Batman and Red Hood fought side by side Bruce said the following: “…Neither of us has the strength to take him out, it will require skill and teamwork. It happens before I have time to question it, a manoeuvre that comes without thought, executed as practiced and practiced many times in the cave.”

So, him and Jason worked well, they trusted each other and the work they were doing but that is not all, because they are in the middle of a fight the Red Hood doesn’t act recklessly and takes the opportunity attack the Bat when he is vulnerable, he sticks to the coordinated fight because he trusts it will work. Batman’s thoughts confirm that because he continues saying this: “To complete it (the manoeuvre) I’m forced to leave myself unprotected from an attack, an attack from the Red Hood. But the attack never comes, he just takes cover from the blast, like practiced.”

– Batman: Under the Red Hood, chapter 10.

This thing alone, written in 2005 kills the narrative of Bruce’s Batman and Jason’s Robin not working well together.

Secondly, I have to laugh about what it's actually said in the very last panels. I am sorry but it's too funny to me, I know it acts as a parallel to Jason asking for the Bat when he was about to die but this is a man, a grown man that has experience on this job, this situation would have never happened if Jason was written fairly. This is funny because of all the people in the world I would never imagine the Red Hood asking for Batman’s help. Fuck that.

Oracle of course contacts Batman but let me say something really quickly, Barbara and Bruce are both acting like Jason getting in trouble and needing help is an annoyance. What the hell is wrong with these people? Why would Jason work with Oracle or Batman in the first place?

Batman gets in the Batmobile as soon as he can and dares call Jason his son. No thank you sir, I will not be taking that kind of bullshit today. Anyway, the Bat also has a monologue because he can’t be less, here it goes.

“Jason. Dammit, son. I’m on my way, I won’t let you…” (explosions) “You’re alive. In the here, in the now. I know this, like magic…with a curse…You’re alive.”

“I don’t need to be there again, in the past. I’ve learned my lessons, the guilt doesn’t help me, it doesn’t have a hold on me anymore. You’re alive, Jason and I intend to keep it that way.”

To this I have to say the following, the only reason why Bruce is not feeling guilty about what happened to Jason is because Jason forgave Bruce/Batman for not arriving in time in order to save Jason from the explosion back in that warehouse all those years ago. Jason forgave Bruce when the final confrontation happened in UtRH. He did it because he believed that Bruce tried and still didn’t make it.

- Batman: Under the Red Hood, chapter 13.  

And something else, Bruce might have been “keeping Jason alive” but he has harmed him. Rebirth RHatO #25 exists, I don’t know if it's canon within this particular story but I can’t not bring it up if this is what this man has to say.

My take on the Batman and Red Hood relationship is that it shouldn’t exist. Red Hood is not a Batman villain but he IS a Batman antagonist. STOP making Batman and Red Hood work together, with how things ended in UtRH Jason would never work with Bruce again. I am sorry but the concept of the Batfamily with Jason as a willing participant is the biggest lie this fandom and Lobdell gave us.

Enough of my takes, let's go back to the issue because it's ending is closer and the funniest panels in this whole ass book are coming!

Batman does Batman shit and as he grapples out of the Batmobile, he manages to get Ice!Jason out of a truck and everything comes to a stop, the bad guys come out of said vehicle and one of them is going in Red Hood's direction with the intention of killing him, Batman of course saves Jason and starts fighting the rest of the baddies.

I will show you funny panel number one.

You really want to make me believe that Bruce can pull that move, shut up!!!! There is no way! That’s some Nightwing level of leg work, stop it, if the Bat pulls that move he will break something or get stuck like that…

Ahh it doesn’t matter because as Batman finishes defeating all the baddies he goes to Jason’s side and here is where funny panel number 2 comes!

STOP IT, WHAT THE HELL IS THISSS? I am losing my mind over this, have you ever seen something and thought “oh this is wrong wrong” like what? This interaction is so wild to me, everything about it makes no sense…Imagine putting Jason Todd in such a vulnerable position that he is, I don’t know, happy or glad that the Bat showed up and that Batman would say that he will always be there for Jason, this shit is hilarious.

But that’s not the end, at this point nothing should shock me (as far as character designs) but this dude shows up…

Who the hell is this guy, and why does he look like that, why are all these new character designs the same and horrible? He reminds me of the weird discount-Joker-looking dude that we had in Rebirth RHatO #52

Anyway, the new dude that will be called Cheer (apparently) and Freeze ice Batman as well and that’s it, our Red Hood related suffering is over up until next month!

This one, this one was wild, I don’t know what else to say about it…I am honestly drained after reading the issue and writing this.

Let me know what you thought about this issue and if you want to read my reviews of the previous parts I will link them here! Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3!

[carol-effing-danvers]

Steve Rogers is a Monster

Yeah, that’s a hell of a title, isn’t it? Strap in, it only gets worse from here. 

(click here if you’d prefer to read this on AO3)

Forewarning, if you enjoyed the epilogue for Endgame, this particular essay is not for you - and no, I am not bashing the Steve/Peggy shippers, you are beautiful human beings who make the fandom brighter and I’m happy that at least someone in this fandom got the ending they wanted.

Additional warning: if you expect this to be another Civil War debate, you will also be disappointed. There has never been a measurement invented that can adequately describe how much I loathe the verbal dick measuring contest that seems to pass for human interaction between Tony Stark and Steve Rogers in this franchise. It’s not funny or entertaining - it’s exhausting, uncomfortable, and frankly it’s rather lazy writing.

This is about the very specific way that the epilogue in Endgame completely changed the way the character of Steve Rogers can be interpreted, and I don’t just mean the very illogical and contradictory way that time travel is explained, both in the movie itself and the fact that the writers and directors have two completely different views on how that worked out. 

I mean that the choice made by Steve Rogers in the very last minutes of that movie alters the way I view each and every one of his actions starting from The First Avenger and that alteration is exactly what I want to talk about, because whether you view it as deserving or not, what Steve does at the conclusion of Endgame was the most selfish thing humanly possible. Time is a thief, but somehow Steve managed to steal even more than Time.

Side note here: I understand that I am a completely biased Stucky shipper, a friend to Barnes and Noble, a Starbucks aficionado - sorry. Anyway, I’ve always believed that Steve and Bucky were destined blah blah blah, but I was never expecting a Stucky ending. Disney wasn’t going to do that, and I knew that, I wasn’t bothered that Steve and Bucky weren’t doing the smoochies by the end. But Bucky’s facial expression during those last minutes was gut-wrenching. Like...I have no idea what kind of cues the script and directors gave him, but in the future, please don’t ask Sebastian Stan to look sad unless you want soul-crushing devastation. It’s not Seb’s fault, his features are just arranged that way - but the fact that the editing staff allowed Sam to be sad though elated to be entrusted with the Shield and Bucky looked like his soul was being physically torn out of his body was an… interesting choice. 

Other side note: if you’re writing about time travel, I’m begging y’all to get your facts straight. Or just don’t write about time travel. It almost always sounds better on paper than it does on screen and it means that you’ve opened doors to more questions than you’ve probably got the answers for. I know this was about trying to set up the idea of the multiverse, I get that, but there were better and less messy ways to do that, and I know that because I’ve done it before. @Marvel: Let me write you a six-way orgy you fucking cowards~

By going back in time, Steve robbed Peggy of the future that would have been hers - not only that, he’s robbed her of even the chance of making the choice between those futures, because you honestly could not tell me with a straight face that Steve told her the complete truth of what he had done and she would be okay with him alternating the very course of the future. It doesn’t help his case that he has a history of not disclosing truths that he knows will be painful or inconvenient for other people in his life.

He robbed his loved ones - Sam, Bucky, Wanda - of the years they would have spent with him. Sure, he ‘came back’ after Peggy passed away, but they are adults in the prime of youth who knew him sixty years ago in his own time and he is an old, old man who has lived an entire life completely separated from them. He is practically a stranger with a name they know, but a history that no longer belongs to any of them - not even his oldest friend. They have him back, but judging from his age, they’ll be lucky to get even ten more years with him. Assuming of course, that any of them can stand to speak to him - I certainly couldn’t blame them if they tell him to go to hell and take his dad jokes with him. 

Steve has stolen away their friend and dropped off an elderly and dying near-stranger in his place, and this is treated by the writing (and the majority of the acting) as a wild and unexpected but not tragic event. 

Is it really that unexpected, though?

I recall seeing a Game of Thrones essay on Daenerys across my dash (I’m sorry, love, I don’t recall who you are since it’s not a fandom I’m in, but if someone knows who wrote that, please post the link!) which detailed how her ending in the series was foreshadowed many times by her penchant for bloody killings and her habit of surrounding herself with her own fawning friends.

Months after reading that, I had the thought: though Steve is never really shown thinking about Peggy after Civil War, except in a few scattered scenes in Endgame, was this foreshadowed? Whether you believe that his actions are justified or not, what Steve does is still, in the end, selfish at its very heart, and Steve Rogers is not a selfish person. 

Oh no, my dear friends and readers. Because taking this action has solidified and clarified Steve Rogers as the biggest and most selfish asshole in this whole universe.

Steve does not do the right thing, Steve does the thing that will most make him feel better. The fact that this often happens to be the right thing in the end is more the result of happy coincidence than any special sort of moral authority that the man holds. 

Rescuing Bucky Barnes and his fellow captives in a prisoner of war camp from being experimented on by an insane Nazi eugenicist? That was not a moral stand, that was endangering himself, Peggy Carter, and Howard Stark because he couldn’t handle the reality of his best friend being killed in war.

Sacrificing himself by putting the Valkyrie down in the Arctic Circle? That was not about sparing human lives, that was about Steve seeing his friend die right in front of him and not being able to deal with the grief. There were ways he could’ve prevented the plane from killing people without killing himself.

Trying to make Bucky remember who he was? And later on, saving him from the government agencies who wanted to hunt him down? Although, arguably, that last one is also just good common sense - Steve was already shown that government agencies could and were corrupted by HYDRA and he’d also seen how dangerous the Winter Soldier could be when unleashed. 

Steve did, I think, truly believe that this was the right thing to do, but it was also about keeping his connection - his very last, since Peggy had descended into dementia caused by Alzheimer’s before she ultimately died - to a past that for him, was only months or years ago, rather than decades. In some ways, this is completely understandable - Bucky might be the very last person left alive who truly knows who the real Steve Rogers is, because the rest of these people only know Captain America and we are consistently shown through multiple movies how uncomfortable this makes him.

This gets...considerably less and less understandable as we are shown Steve’s growing relationships with Natasha, Sam, Wanda - even Sharon, though she barely gets any screen time and they share the most awkward kiss I’ve ever seen - and indeed, what might be the most uncomfortable kiss in cinema history.

Side Note 3: This is made even more awkward by the director’s choice to have two of Steve’s friends watching them the whole time - seriously, who even does that? Why would you make them do that? Only sociopaths make out with their friends staring at them like that. It’s so fucking creepy - and don’t even get me fucking started on the fact that she’s also apparently his own niece. AHHHHH!

But we are shown, over and over again, that Steve is capable of building close meaningful relationships with people in the present. They don’t know his whole history, but they do know Steve Rogers rather than Captain America and they care about him deeply. 

Side Note 4: Notice that I don’t count Tony Stark among those people - despite this strangely persistent narrative that the various writers and directors tried to sell to the audience, Tony and Steve were not friends. They were never friends. They were colleagues at best, but these were two men who neither liked nor understood each other very well, but had to work together. And sometimes that’s okay, too. (Oh dear, I just gave the Stony fans a fit too, didn’t I? Sorry, guys. Enemies to Lovers is a great trope, I support you!)

But let’s set aside Steve’s gross betrayal of the people who loved him. We’ll also ignore the question of whether the motive for these good actions has tainted the actions themselves. Because even without questioning these, the conclusion of this story arc still transforms Steve into the biggest monster this franchise has. 

The very fundamental way that the writers and directors can’t agree on how the time travel mechanics in their own story work mean that Steve has just done one of two things and they range from shady and very questionable to absolutely fucking horrific. 

The first, that he’s created his own alternate universe to exist in, is morally dubious at best. Even the people who support this theory and liked the ending seem to feel that it wasn’t necessarily a ten out of ten on the moral goodness spectrum. They’ll say things like ‘he deserved to have his happy ending’. Even that phrasing seems to acknowledge that doing this was the opposite of the right thing. It just considers doing the wrong thing as being justified rather than horrifying. 

But let’s examine this first idea for a minute - even this, the more innocent of the two implications, means that rather than really processing his grief or dealing with the repeated tragedies and losses that have occured in his life, even as he was running group therapy sessions and grief counseling, Steve Rogers chose to escape his current life by creating an alternate universe that specifically allows he himself to live out his own fucking fantasies of the way his life should have turned out. 

That, in case you are not aware, is wildly fucked up. I thought I was playing pretty fast and loose with Steve’s characterization when I turned him into an extremely polite serial killer but as it turns out, I clearly just wasn’t setting the bar high enough, because that’s somehow even more fucked up than being an undercover child soldier with a small sadistic streak. 

Hm, and now I feel I should have been more creative there...

The second, and even more horrifying option, is that this older Steve Rogers has been in this world the whole time, watching as things unfolded just as we’ve seen over the past decade, taking ‘the slow way’ through time. 

Side Note 5: I do kind of understand why you would do it this way, because that’s really cool and shocking when you say that! Until you think about it for longer than three seconds and suddenly you realize…

Everything that has happened here, every tragedy and downfall these people experienced, happened because Steve Rogers lived his happily ever after with his beautiful wife and did absolutely nothing to stop it. He got to fuck Peggy Carter and watched as his wife built an empire of intelligence networks, knowing that her efforts were completely in vain because her agency was rotten to the core and he never told her.

Every horrifying act committed by HYDRA under the guise of SHIELD was permitted through Steve Rogers’ negligence. And that’s just the wider big-picture worldview, large and shocking, but not personal. 

What about the people that Steve claims to actually care about? 

This means that Steve lived his whole life in contentment with his wife and children while his best friend was physically and psychologically tortured for over seventy years and just...let that go. 

He allowed one friend to murder another in the nineties, when the Winter Soldier was sent after Howard and Maria Stark. Then their child was being advised by a greedy self-interested warmonger who paid terrorists to drag him off to be tortured and slaughtered, and Steve did nothing about that, either. 

Bruce Banner was exploited, experimented on, and made into a monster against his will in the failed pursuit of recreating what was done to Steve, resulting in billions of dollars in damage and dozens or even hundreds of lives lost, and Steve allowed that to happen, too. 

Like Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanov was physically and psychologically tortured for others to use her as a living weapon - except that this was probably happening to her since early childhood, and a man her future self loved and trusted implicitly did nothing to save her from this upbringing. 

The Maximoff twins are shown to have not wealthy but loving parents who are murdered in front of them and they both endure days of laying in the rubble of their ruined apartment, wondering if the bomb in their living room would go off and kill them. Later, they are taken in by HYDRA, experimented on, and recruited as child soldiers to the cause when they show signs of having supernatural powers. They start a series of events that result in the destruction of a major city and the loss of what is probably thousands of lives. Pietro is murdered while trying to help the Avengers to stop this, and Wanda suffers the loss of the very last living person she loved. None of these things seem to have bothered Future Steve. 

Steve “I can’t sit on the sidelines when I see a situation go sideways” Rogers, planted himself on that fucking sideline and observed for nearly eighty years as friends, colleagues, and his own wife were lied to, brainwashed, tortured, vilified, and hunted down like animals.

And then there Steve Rogers himself - not the Endgame Steve Rogers, the Steve Rogers who brought down a Nazi plane and will lie beneath the ice for seventy years while everything he knows disappear (mostly) innocent of these horrors, the life he would’ve lived stolen from him by a stranger with his name and his face from another universe.

What I’m saying here is that if you consider this idea for any amount of time, it took Steve Rogers less than ten minutes to become the most evil and disturbing figure in the entire MCU, only (not really tho) contested by Thanos himself. 

Gross and poorly reasoned libertarian ethics aside, Thanos genuinely believes that he did what he did for the sake of the entire population. It’s made fairly explicitly clear that Steve didn’t do this for anyone but himself. 

Call me crazy, but if everyone you know needs to suffer and multiple planet-wide devestations have to happen in order for you to get your happy ending, you might be the bad guy. 

Maybe I’m just old-fashioned?