#been singing it in a lower register on my way to work

[blossom-hwa]

manège | k.th

pairing: Taehyun x gender neutral!reader genre:  fluff, a little angst and comfort, ballet dancer!taehyun and pianist!reader warnings: n/a word count: 1.4k notes: — this pairing's been on my mind for a good year or so, so I'm very happy to have finally written something for them :) please note that I've only been doing ballet for a couple years now, so if I've used any terms incorrectly, I'm very sorry! — for some clarification, mc and taehyun go to an arts school, and mc volunteers as one of the pianists for the ballet studio Taehyun finds his way back to you, again.  

TXT Masterlist

manège: a classical ballet term for “circular,” which describes a series of steps done in a circular pattern around the stage

. . . . .

"...Taehyun?"

The question of his name is quiet enough that if he hadn't noticed the opening of the door in the corner of the mirror, he would have missed it. As it stands, his mind barely processes your voice emerging from behind the door, and it takes a moment to shake off the double tours and pirouettes before he can even recognize the face appearing in the mirror. He blinks sweat away from his eyes. "Y/N?"

"It's late," you say, stepping into the empty studio. "You're still practicing?"

As one, you both look at the clock hanging on the wall. It's long past eight, when Taehyun initially told himself he'd stop—long past nine, even.

Suddenly all of the exhaustion of the day seems to hit him at once. His muscles ache, sweat keeps dripping down his face no matter how much he wipes away, and there's a small but consistent flare of pain in his calf that he should really stop and massage out. Really, he wants nothing more than to just sit down against the wall, or maybe even flop onto the floor and stare at the ceiling while seeing nothing at all. He's been here since eight in the morning and his body clearly knows it.

"Yeah," is all he says in lieu of articulating all of this, though, because his throat feels gravelly and words are hard. "What are you doing here?" he asks instead. It's at least as fair of a question for you as yours was for him.

"I had class," you say. Taehyun takes in your leggings, the loose T-shirt almost covering your shorts, and remembers yes, there was a lower-level class held almost immediately after you got off your shift. "I stayed after to practice."

He frowns. "For almost five hours?" You were playing the piano for his company class until it ended at three. Your adult beginner class ends at four thirty, and it's past nine.

"Not ballet." You shift the weight of several books in your arms, and only then does Taehyun see their worn paper bindings, the music markings on the covers, and remember that people practice things besides dance. "Evaluations coming up. There was a free piano in one of the empty studios."

Ah. Taehyun nods. And then the room falls into silence again, broken only by the sounds of your breathing.

"So." You walk to the empty piano in the room, placing your books on the top before looking at him expectantly. "What are you working on?"

It takes him a moment to register your words, to understand that you're not telling him to leave or go home or get some rest. All of which he should do, but the looming specter of the showcase next week won't let him. "You're not going to tell me to go home and rest?" he asks regardless, and even though his throat squeaks a bit after spending so many hours in silence, you don't laugh. Not at that, anyway.

"Well, would you have gone home if I'd said you should?" you reply, raising an eyebrow. He shakes his head and a smile curves his lips when you give a little laugh. "See?"

"Point taken," he says, and when you laugh again he laughs too. "Grand Pas Classique," he answers your original question. "For the showcase. Next week."

Your mouth parts in a little 'o'. "This one?" you ask, playing out a short melody. He nods. "Can I see?"

He should. He shouldn't. He at once wants to but doesn't, wants to let the melody sing in his blood as he double tours and entrechats around the room, spinning and leaping across the floor, but he also knows that you're here. And if Taehyun is his own harshest critic, he becomes even harsher when someone else is in the room.

You look at him, though, and he looks at you, and he knows that you see him for himself. See the sweaty hair matted into clumps, see the muscles aching behind his skin, see the work put into every effortlessly pointed toe and graceful finger as he takes his beginning position in front of the mirror. And when the music begins to play, the melody spilling into his ears and then into his blood, he looks into the mirror and smiles not because he has to, but because your watchful eyes will never hold judgment. Will never hold disappointment. Will only ever see him, see Taehyun Kang the person and not Taehyun Kang the dancer, and will cherish him for it.

When he's done, the applause of one person cuts through the labored silence of his breathing, and it's enough to keep the smile on his face, to let his muscles finally relax, to wipe the sweat from his brow and sit down. Or—not really. He's still a little too wired to sit, but he leans against the wall of the studio and gestures to where you sit at the piano like it's the most natural position in the world, ready to play but not. "Show me something," he says when he has enough breath to speak. "What are you working on?"

There's a moment when you're flipping through your books, skimming pages filled with music and your careful notes, where Taehyun loses himself, for a moment, in you. When you squint at a few pages, then put the book back on top of the piano, then position yourself at the keys. The preparation—the careful placement of your fingers just as deliberate as his pointed toes and graceful hands—the moment where time holds still, before you give in to the song in your mind and your heart and allow the music to flow through your veins.

It all comes back to you, Taehyun thinks as your fingers waltz and whirl across the keys, dance in enchanting patterns of black and white. From him, to you, back to him and then to you again—in manège, arabesques and jetés leaping about the stage, coming away from the center only to reach it again the way everything always returns to you. Your voice, your music, always there. Always constant. Pulling him back to earth when he threatens to topple over the edge, never once wavering in your strength or patience even when you see the worst parts of him over and over.

He's sitting down by the time you stop playing, fingers gentle yet unyielding against the piano, coaxing a last, wavering echo from its depths before your hands rise, suspended in the air, then fall to your lap. When you look up, the fluorescent studio lights seem to burn your figure into his vision, like the afterimage of a lightning strike behind his eyes. "That was beautiful," he says, and he means it in more ways than one.

And you accept the praise in more ways than one, in the smile on your lips, in the twinkle in your eyes, in the moment where you sit down next to him, back against the wall, and let him lean his sweaty head on your shoulder with no complaint about how gross it must feel. "Thank you," you say, and when you do, the melody racing through his veins finally calms.

It's almost ten, now, the clock still ticking away on the wall. But you make no move to get up and neither does Taehyun, even when you murmur "Home?" in a voice that only makes him lean further into you, even when he makes a noise of agreement in the back of his throat. In the end, it takes nearly twenty minutes for you to finally pat his knee and say get up, Taehyun. And then he disappears to change and wash up and collect his things, and maybe in the shower he can feel himself beginning to fade away again, but then you're standing right outside the locker room and when he slips his hand into yours, he comes back to earth. Manège. Circling you, always. Leaving. Returning. Orbiting. Joining.

Music dancing through his blood and yours, a song that he will always be able to follow back home.

Reblogs and comments are deeply appreciated! Hope you enjoyed this, and have a lovely day :)

[weaselle]

wake up in the mornin' my mind kind of stormin' i sit 'n' sip delicious brew- no time for mental thunder with the deadlines that i'm under fist grippin' this list to do hip holster full of laughter draggin' this boulder after baby take it to the top of the hill where it's never stayed yet but i place another bet sayin' maybe this time it will

[raitonsfw]

𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝 '𝚝𝚒𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚍 | 𝚍𝚊𝚣𝚊𝚒 𝚘𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚞

synopsis: Dazai has gifted you many things in the years that you’ve known him. Jewelry, books, clothes, lingerie… Anything that he thought suited you. When you wear one of his gifts to the agency without thinking, it was just supposed to be another day at work. But little did you know that the reason why Dazai bought you the black dress was that it was for his eyes and his eyes only. And not to mention the matching set that you wore underneath it practically sparkled in the luminosity of the office.

warnings: 18+ mdni, fem!reader, smut, exhibitionism, embarrassment, lingerie, fingering, dirty talk, teasing, slight degradation, dazai's a little mean, petnames (sweetheart, baby, darling, dear), use of honorifics.

a/n: dazai basically fingers the reader on the train ride home cuz he just couldn't wait. my friend gave me this idea and it was so fun to write. nice to write fem!readers again after writing character ships for so long. defs needed a breather. wc: 2.2k. m.list

divider credit: @benkeibear

The train wasn’t too busy, though to you it seemed like everyone and their mother took this exact train in order to spite you. You don’t know why Dazai had insisted on taking the train from the agency today, the hurriedness of it confusing you even more. Normally the both of you would walk the streets of downtown Yokohama in order to get home, stopping to sightsee and shop a bit along the way. Sometimes he’d buy you dinner on the edge of the river, other days he’d bring you to your favorite bookstore.

But today he was absolutely restless to get home, with quicker footing than usual and a hush to his voice. You were filled with concern because of this. He was never quiet, the boy was like a walking radio to you as he’d chatter (or sing) away the afternoon about anything and everything. When you both reached the station and past the people that crowded it, his lips were bitten red and he kept a hand pressed against your lower back, ushering you into the train carefully.

Fortunately for you, you both had ended up on the last train where barely anyone sat. Most of the people you had pushed through earlier sat up near the front of the train car and onwards, filling the spaces with awkward silence. Dazai snagged a seat to your left, next to the divider of the sliding doors. He leaned into it as the train made its way down the tracks, crossing his leg over his other with his hands folded neatly in his lap.

“Dazai-san, are you okay?” You asked, your voice a bit dry as you hadn’t spoken much since you left the agency. Putting a hand on his thigh to soothe his bouncing leg, he turned to you with a slight flinch but quickly registered your hand’s warmth and gave you a small grin.

“Never been better,” Dazai said, the fakeness of the smile evident. “Why do you ask?”

“You’ve seemed quieter than usual.”

“I just can’t wait to get home.” He sighed out gently, whimsicality etching his tone.

One of his hands had come to rest on yours and he rubbed it lovingly. He seemed calmer than before, but something was still bothering him. You decided to backtrack the day in your head; you two didn’t do much today at the agency.

You had looked over some of the papers Kunikida had assigned to you, ran a small errand with Atsushi, and watched Dazai successfully manage to steal a sweet from Ranpo without him knowing. Nothing else out of the ordinary stuck out to you and you frowned a little, still unsure as to why Dazai was being so weird.

“You can tell me if something’s bothering you.” You frowned at him and it looked like he almost caved, his mouth falling open to speak. But you second guessed yourself as he shut it quickly, his eyes falling past your lips.

Something was bothering him, but he didn’t have the heart to tell you. He didn’t have the heart to tell you that the dress you put on exposed your lingerie in the most discreet of places. The agency’s lights did you no justice, making the crimson colored set pop out underneath the dusky sheerness of your dress. Perhaps if he had been walking behind you in the evening glow of the sun, he would’ve had to fuck you behind a bush on the way home.

No one else noticed it, too preoccupied in their work to even give you a glance other than to say hi and if they did...well Dazai would’ve known. He watched you like a hawk all day, making sure no one mentioned it to you, partially in fear of embarrassment but mostly because he didn’t want you to change.

But yeah, something was bothering him and that was his dick.

The entire day he was hard, was aching for you to look at him and realize what you did to him. He curled up in the corner of the couch with his knees almost pressed to his chest, hiding the bulge as much as he could for most of the day. But you were too busy to pay attention to him being the hell of a worker you are; of course you couldn’t possibly have noticed his predicament– the predicament you caused.

Not even when he pulled his overcoat over his lap when you talked to him about past missions, you didn’t bat an eye. Not when his sentences faltered a few times during a meeting with Fukuzawa, did you even think to ponder why. And definitely not when he dashed off to the restroom more than a few times (only to come back with a bit of an attitude), did you realize that you were the cause of his pressing situation.

He couldn’t quite catch a break today, could he? You walked into the office, knowing damn well he gifted you that dress with a mischievous smirk plastered on his face. He even wrapped the bow on the gift box neatly, paired it with little explicit intent that it was for him. And not to mention that matching set you were wearing, also courtesy of his lust for you. The red lace peeked out just enough from the cut of the dress and he had to hold back the gasp that left his mouth when he recognized what lingerie set it was. You were decked out in his finest picks, innocently running around the office with papers falling from your arms whilst sucking up to Kunikida’s hellish requests.

“Y/N-san, you wore the dress I bought for you.” He pointed out, a bit uncertain of how to explain to you that it was sheer. “It’s beautiful on you.”

Your face lit up at the compliment. “I am! To be honest, I had nothing else to wear and I decided this would be a nice change. Instead of my regular pantsuits.”

“Would I be an asshole if I tell you it’s see through?” Dazai decided to come straight out, chuckling lightly. He watched your face fall and he immediately regretted telling you. Maybe he should’ve waited until you guys got home.

“No way, it’s not!”

“And that red number you’ve been wearing is...” He continued in a seductive whisper, leaning closer into you. “Why do you think I bought it, sweetheart?”

“I wore it in front of the entire agency, Dazai-san!” You hissed out, the embarrassment reddening against your neck and you attempted to hide it beneath the collar of the dress. No wonder he gawked at you the entire day, no wonder he stumbled through his sentences, no wonder he rushed you to the train station, no wonder he-

“Oh, please. Someone would’ve told you if it was extremely noticeable.” He could turn this around. He was an expert at that, his fingers tracing up your delicate sleeve. Dazai brought your hand to his lips and pressed a light kiss on the back of it, his eyes louring as he looked at you from his peripherals. “On the other hand…I wish I told you sooner.”

“I’ve been holding back all day as you dumbly walked around the office like you damn near owned it." His right hand slipped underneath your dress, latching onto your thigh. “Thought of so many positions I could fuck you in…if only the supply closet was enough for you but you hate dark places. Maybe the president would’ve let us leave early, then I could’ve bent you over the-”

“Not so loud.” You shushed him, trying hard not to relinquish yourself to the warmth against your thigh. It was too late though, your arousal had you wrapped around his pretty little finger, yearning for more.

Dazai dropped your hand on his lap, pulling it over the bulge of his trousers. You palmed lightly at it without much thought, feeling the curve of his erection within its confines. “Look what you did to me, baby…Had me almost humping my hand with how good you looked. Not like you cared though since you were so busy with Atsushi-kun today.”

He huffed out a small whine as you pulled your hand away quickly, peeking around the corner to see if anyone saw his action. Everyone was still peering towards the front of the train car, idly scrolling through their phones or listening to music that was much too loud in the ear. The divider covered almost all of Dazai’s lap, a basic blind spot, but you were still nervous.

The feeling of his fingers grasping against your inner thigh shot you from your thoughts as they mingled upwards to the heat of your cunt. You were already dizzy with excitement but this couldn’t happen. Not in such a public place, the strangers amongst you would definitely hear your soft whimpers. Though the thought of that made you see stars, the adrenaline rushed in your blood and directly down to the pit of your abdomen. The heat pooled there, lingered as his lithe fingers pulled at the thin lace covering your clit.

“There’s people at the front of the train, we can’t just-” You whispered, trying to move away from his hand but he had already felt the wetness that collected against the naughty material. His fingers pushed through you delicately and you shuddered at the feeling, a quiet gasp leaving your mouth.

“I don’t think I can wait anymore, darling.” He pleaded quietly in your ear, nipping at the soft shell of it. He left a kiss behind your ear and gave you a small hush as a whine got stuck in the back of your throat. “If it makes you feel better, I can lay my coat over you.”

You nodded quickly and mere seconds later, his discarded coat was thrown over top of you to shield the neighboring passengers. His hand found its way back between your legs, in the exact position he had it before and you brought the sleeve of his coat up to your mouth to muffle your moans.

“D-Dazai-san…” You breathed out as his ring finger circled your clit whilst his pointer and middle plunged into you with no remorse. He kept a shallow pace, thrusting in and out slowly to avoid extra noise (though he wouldn't have minded hearing the way your slick sounded as you became wetter with each press of his fingers). His other hand held his phone out in front of you on your lap, scrolling mindlessly through social notifications– to distract the people around you. In case you got caught. Sneaky bastard.

“Look at what Kunikida-kun posted today on our website! He’s so savvy, isn’t he?” He beamed at you and you couldn’t even respond back, pleasure swirling around in your head as Dazai continued fucking his fingers into you. Changing his pace to unabating pressure that nestled against your clit, you squirmed in your seat. Your legs threatened to close against his arm but you forced them to stay open, near silent whimpers pouring from your mouth.

Dazai wanted to hear them, those pretty moans that he forced from you, but he picked pretty bad timing to teeter you off the edge of pure ecstasy. He loved the way you clenched tightly around his fingers as he found your sweet spot– your face contorted with a slight furrow to your eyebrows and you panted into his coat sleeve like it was your source of oxygen.

“Looks like there’s rain tonight, guess we can’t go on that walk anymore.” He pouted innocently and you felt your nerves screaming at you– faster, closer, so close you squeezed your eyes shut harshly at the growing pleasure. A moment later, you were falling apart against his fingers, desperate to keep quiet as your whole body shuddered in his palm. Your whole body tensed up as you let out a rather loud moan, much louder than you thought, though it was talked over by Dazai’s glorious distraction. He didn’t stop moving as you fluttered around his fingers and you gripped onto his bandaged wrist with a weak hand.

He slipped them out of you as you calmed down, a quiet sigh resonating through the fabric of the coat. You felt him wipe them off against the inner material of it and he stood up, stretching his arms up. Throwing on his coat smugly, he looked at you and offered his hand out. “Our stop’s coming up, dear.”

You knew you’d look like a deer in headlights if you stood up, still flushed from moments before. You took his hand though, wobbling as you gained your footing while the train decreased in speed. As you smoothed your dress down you remembered the reasoning why this all happened and you cleared your throat, a sheepish smile coming to light in the corners of your mouth.

“Let’s get you home quickly before the rain comes.” Dazai said as the train halted to a stop, the doors sliding open. He moved you in front of him, his palm flush to the small of your back again. As you stepped off the train, he leaned down to the shell of your ear to murmur something.

“Keep the dress on for me when I fuck you properly.” Just a reminder what’s his and his only.

a/n: wanna get tagged in future writing posts? join my taglist!

[phantomtrader19]

POTO LONDON 16/03/2024 CHUMISA’S 3RD SHOW!! - REVIEW

(Audio will be gifted soon!)

I had booked this trip before Chumisa was announced to be taking over as alternate the day before so I was kicking myself I just missed her first show, I had heard clips of her online and she sounded incredible and lots of people were raving about her.

I went to the show expecting Eve or Colleen to be on as Lily had been off the Thursday and I didn’t think Chumisa would have done 2 shows directly after her debut BUT low and behold her name was on the castboard however I was a little skeptical as there has been a few times where it’s been incorrect.

During the Hannibal ballet Chumisa came out and I was so excited!! She looked gorgeous in the costume and wig! I also got the pleasure of seeing Lily as Carlotta again who was also brilliant, during Carlotta’s think of me Chumisa was in awe of her and just as the cloth was about to drop you could sense that she had sensed the presence of the phantom.

She began think of me and had a lovely vibrato to start off and then she delivered an unbelievable rendition of the song! So elegant in the way she moved in the Elissa skirt and so smiley like her Christine couldn’t believe her luck! Her cadenza was angelic to say the least so floaty and the high note so strong!

Her chemistry with Joe in the dressing room was so so good she played Christine like a total giddy teenager which really worked!

Her title song was lovely she has a great lower register for the beginning and then her cadenza was BEAUTIFUL and really powerful!

Perfect acting in music of the night played Christine with so much curiosity she was just fascinated by the phantom, her facial expressions and again so elegant in the way she moved!

The unmasking again just great acting and she held the note when singing “who’s is that face in the shadows…who’s is that face in the maaaaask” tiny detail that I LOVED

In the rooftop she was not having any of Raoul’s BS she completely stood on her own and almost seemed to be like well if you don’t believe me see ya later!

All I ask of you was brilliant! Again their chemistry was so palpable one of my fave performances I’ve seen of that song!

Masquerade again her little acting choices were so solid it was as if she was searching for the phantom in the crowd! Notes/managers 2 she stood up to Carlotta really strongly and when she got to Twisted every way you could see her Christine totally break down like she had nothing left to give, truly wonderful poignant acting choices!

Her wishing was SOOOO GOOD she relied a little more on her belt which I imagine she’ll get more into the soprano side further into her run but for her 3rd ever show an absolute acting masterclass!

In PONR she was stunning! When she knew it was the phantom it was almost rage coming out in her singing like she was so over his nonsense lol

NOW…..the final lair…..WOW

She was inCREDible!!! Again a lot of belt but it worked so so well for her portrayal of Christine she really held her own here I was blown away! I got that Chumisa rn is more of a Raoul Christine as opposed to Lily who’s the polar opposite so a really lovely change!

Overall for her 3rd show as Christine I see Chumisa being a fan favourite, so much charisma and charm in her Christine and vocally was beautiful and will only get better! All 4 London Christine’s are top of their game we’re truly spoiled!

Costume notes:

- Her wig texture and style was stunning I just wish they’d add a bit more hair to make it a bit fluffier.

- Her Elissa Skirt is like Anouk’s one so no big bow in the back and gold appliqué round the fake bodice.

- Lovely mint bow in her hair for Il muto and I’m not a massive costume buff however her rooftop dress looked different and I can’t pinpoint why?

- Her masquerade dress was slightly better than Lily’s the bodice was perfectly fit and adequately beaded and the skirt had a lovely shape! West end star princess’ are just not my fave tbh!

- Her wishing dress was like the original production ones with the waterfall drape which was interesting I wonder if that will change

[akookminsupporter]

Jungkook's interview with The Atlantic

About releasing a full album in English:

At first, Jungkook felt conflicted about this. “I was thinking, Is it okay for a Korean to not release Korean songs at all?” the 26-year-old singer told me through an interpreter, from his entertainment company’s office in Seoul. BTS achieved global popularity while making music almost entirely in their native language, with the exception of a few English-language hits such as “Dynamite” and “Butter.” At the same time, the whole point of his solo effort was to challenge himself—and exclusively singing in English seemed like one good way to do that. Yet he hopes to connect with people on a level deeper than language. “When you think about pop stars, they’re these really cool singers that you’d look up to since your childhood,” he said. “Of course, things have been changing a lot. But I still have that pop-star image stuck in my head since my childhood. And I want to be a cool guy that gives off that amazing vibe.”

Jungkook said he loved the demo for “Standing Next to You” so much that he recorded a full track the next day. 

About writing or not his own music:

He told me that, for a long time, he thought it was important for artists to write their own records (as some BTS members elected to do for their solo albums). Jungkook has written and produced songs for BTS, including quiet ballads and electropop anthems; at least two tracks that he wrote for his solo project ended up being recorded by the group instead. “As I grew up, I came to terms with reality and started accepting what I’m not good at or what I don’t have to do,” he said. “At this moment, there’s nothing I want to write about. So I was thinking, Do I really need to invest my time into creating a song from the beginning to the end?” With Golden, the urgent desire wasn’t there, and the timing didn’t make sense. (BTS is expected to reunite in 2025, after all of the members have completed their mandatory military service; Jungkook has yet to begin his.) Rather than writing lyrics or composing melodies, he chose to experiment with new vocal techniques and hone his live-performance skills.

About the content in his songs:

The songs on “Golden” reference mature themes—namely, substances and sex—more explicitly than his previous work, in part because of the relative cultural conservatism of his home country and the idol industry. Jungkook has openly acknowledged this shift (and seemed unbothered by the more pearl-clutching reactions) but says he’s not trying to redefine himself in relation to his past. “Jungkook back then was Jungkook back then, and somehow, I became who I am right now. The one that’s making all the judgment calls is me, myself, in this very moment,” he said. “I’m not thinking, Oh, I should break away from that cute image as the youngest member ... Lyrics are just lyrics, and images are images.” He added that he chose love songs for their universality, but that people shouldn’t read them as autobiographical.

Throughout our conversation, Jungkook would do things that might read as typically maknae to those fans who’ve followed him for years: drinking his water by lifting the cup with both tattooed, sweater-pawed hands; waving goodbye for a solid 15 seconds with a giant smile on his face, again with both hands. But the way he talks—how he visibly works through a tricky question as he’s speaking, correcting himself or jumping in to add a thought—and his poised manner offer clear signs of creative intentionality and hard-won maturity. Those signs come through in the album too: in his natural-sounding enunciation, the way he slips between a fluttery falsetto and a warm lower register on “Closer to You” or plays with volume and tone on “Hate You.” It’s the sort of growth you see in someone who hasn’t stopped running.

[anothersoulless]

Red Windows {Cloud Strife x Reader}

I've been gone for a long while working on like, 10 different drafts on and off while also managing life (it's stressful rn, ngl) but let's get to a different thing I wanted to do (so I have more stuff to work on :3)

Considering Spotify wrapped was released a bit ago, I will work on OneShots based on my wrapped, they're gonna be smaller though, since I'm trying to rekindle my passion for writing. Also, of course, I keep my right to skip any song, the only songs I 100% will do are song in my top 5, also song I already based a OneShot off do not get a second one unless i want to. Anyways, I know I ALREADY wrote something with this song, but I'm gonna be honest... I hate it. So let's change that! (this one is a lot better but I still don't like it, anywho)

First up:

The music in the club was loud, nearly deafening as you sat down near the bar, your drink right in front of you. The main lights were dimmed, wildly coloured spotlights roaming on an automated path through the room, some device near the ceiling creating a colour-changing star pattern on the floor. There was a dance floor at the farthest wall, even though most people just danced wherever they wanted to. The barkeeper was rushing around behind the bar, due to some misfortune, all alone this evening.

Taking another sip of your drink, you watched the crowd. It all seemed to blur together, like it was all distant, until you looked back at your drink, the liquid a light blue hue due to whatever juice the mocktail was mixed with. Some people were obviously singing along with the music, their voice drowned out by the bass running through you body, shaking the floor and glasses. Watching over the crowd, your eye got caught on multiple couples, some just looking great, some dancing in a ridiculous manner, others getting a tad bit too handsy. Adverting your gaze again, you downed your drink, ready to leave. It hadn't even been your idea to come here, and yet he was the one who was late.

You made your way to the barkeeper, sliding the money over you owed them, some additional dollars added, as you left. You bid the guard near the exit goodbye, wishing him a good day and leaving the estate, going up the stairs to ground level. Immediately, there was a big commotion, two people arguing about something. It was definitely the guy who checked everyone and gave them the bracelet, arguing with someone about their ID. You pulled out your phone, while walking up, already pulling up the chat with your date, writing only a meager "I'm leaving, thanks for the heads-up" and sending it. You pocketed your phone and looked towards the commotion, stopping dead in your tracks.

"Please, I swear I'm 18, how else would I have a Tattoo? I really just forgot my ID, doesn't my driver's license prove enough?!" But the Guard was unyielding, despite his logic being flawed, still denying the blonde entry. The blonde with the unique hairstyle and the striking outfit you had been looking out for all night. A blonde with a tattoo on his lower arm. It were too many similarities to be a coincidence, especially after he begged to just talk to his date waiting inside, since his phone died. You went up to him then, tapping him on the shoulder. "Cloud?" The blonde turned around, dressed in a loose, white button-up without a tie, a bit messy on his figure, yet still charming, paired with grey dress pants and black dress shoes.

He was confused, not immediately recognizing you, taking a few seconds to register. "I'm sorry, I swear I would have been here on time, but I was in such a rush I forgot my ID at home and-" you smiled, stopping him with a hand hold up "I heard, it's okay. Let's just do this another day" Cloud seemed a bit defeated, before he perked up. "Wait, uh- I... I know a place we could go, if.. if you still want to?" You blinked a few times, debating. "Sure, are you driving?" He nodded, leading you to his vehicle. You didn't know what you expected, maybe something like a car, definitely not a motorbike, though. With a bit of help from him, you got on, before he gave you a spare helmet and his riding jacket, which you happily accepted. You could tell he was a lot more careful when riding, a lot more tense. Maybe he didn't want to scare you? It was kind of cute really. And your hands felt warm thanks to his body heat, which made you wonder just how warm he was when he wasn't subjected to cold evening air. Shrugging that thought aside was probably a bad idea, considering you could just feel his muscles under the shirt, now the only thing your mind focused on. They weren't rock-hard, still a bit squishy and you hoped to god he hadn't noticed when your fingers dug into his flesh a bit, or, if he noticed, that he thought it was because of the motorcycle.

The Place you two ended up at looked nothing like the club he had chosen originally. It was a bit run down, made of wood and looked a bit messy with the string lights and the huge sign reading Seventh Heaven. Cloud let you get off the bike first, then parked it and turned to you with an apologetic look. "I know it's nothing like we planned and definitely not what you thought, if you want to leave-" you smiled and cut into his words. "It's okay, it doesn't matter where we eat or drink, we wanted to get to know each other, one as long as it's good i don't mind." He smiled. "It's the best, even if it looks a bit sketchy" You gave him back his Jacket and he packed away everything, before offering you his arm. You took his hand and he led the way, up the stairs and through the double doors. There was a woman behind the counter, gorgeous, and she already looked tough from a bit away. She looked up and surprise crossed her face. "Cloud?" She then looked at you, and before she even asked who you were she seemed to already know, instead asking what had happened for you two to end up here instead of the 'fancy' place that was the original plan.

The bar was empty, but it looked clean and lived in, loved even. Cloud didn't hesitate, striding to the counter and sitting down after you. He let you introduce each other, before he explained that she was a childhood friend who had already helped him many times in various situations. She was nice, saying she'd even give you two something to eat, as you and Cloud started your date. "So, childhood friends?" He nodded simply. "Yeah. Tifa and I have been... Through a lot of complicated-" he paused, for a minute. "It's not like we even dated, god no" he blushed at that thought. Embarrassed. "It's just a lot of complicated things we've experienced together." You smiled cheekily, sipping on the drink in front of you, shimmering just as blue as Cloud's eyes and resting you head on you hand, before you teased "So she's no one I should worry about?"

He sputtered, nearly choking on his drink, as he rushed to reassure you, while you simply chuckled. "Don't worry, I know how it is. It's good to have such a close friend, really." Your date smiled then, a small smile but it was there. "Yeah. I don't have many friends, admittedly. You don't really make a lot of friends when you have my last and my job and... Well, I've been alone a lot. Tifa was there when I needed her and I got some real good friends afterwards as well. They're good friends, all of them"

Cloud was always very vague about his job and past, but you didn't mind. It was not your place to pry. Not yet, anyways. Maybe someday... You looked at his glass, the drink a ruby red, so clear and vibrant it nearly looked like it was a crystal itself. "So, I know people always wonder, so, did you already have a girlfriend?" He pondered. "I wouldn't call her that. She was a very close friend but it was never more, even if the lines blurred sometimes." There was another faint blush. God, you just loved the way his cheek turned a light pink. "We're still close friends. You'll probably meet her some day."

You chuckled then, "Some day, huh? Looking to repeat today even before it got really started?" His cheeks turned even brighter, and he stammered a bit, definitely flustered beyond compare now. "It's not- I- I didn't mean that, it just slipped out." You laughed, and patted him on the arm. "Think about what you say better, next time" Next time. Some day. A promise of another meeting. Even if he failed to meet you on time. Even if it wasn't the best date ever or ideal or anything like it, you got to know him well. Probably even better than you would originally have, and there was just something about him. Those really bright blue eyes and the blonde hair and the soft, light paper skin had caught your attention. Paired with his tougher build, you didn't know what to expect, but he was a perfect mix of both.

"I have dated a few before. The best relationship I had was probably with a girl from a different neighbourhood, a poor one. My parents didn't approve, but she was the sweetest girl ever." You explained. "We broke it off because we realised we didn't click like that, and we stayed friends as well." His eyes rested on you, studying you. You looked back at him and smiled sweetly. "You know, every time I look at you, I have one thought in mind: pretty. How can you actually be so beautiful?" He blushed at your words, scrambling for words yet again and looking away. "It's weird how you can't handle compliments. Surely, you must have gotten these a few times, no?" He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. I just... Never cared about the person saying it." "Awe, so you care about me already? It's our first date, and you're already falling for me."

In a flurry of braveness, he looked you dead in the eyes, "what if I am?" Dear Lord, you nearly felt your soul leave your body, this man had really no idea what he was doing, nearly killing you like that. You stayed silent, air whipped out of your lungs and thoughts racing through your brain, too fast to grasp. And then a whisper: "That wouldn't be a bad thing" Both of you blushed, and the evening went on. A small homely meal later, a few drinks in your system, your arm religiously brushed against his, your shoe bumping against his chair more often than before, sitting closer together now as well. You laughed and you ate and you drank. Then he had to stop, still wanting to be able to drive home. You decided to call it a night, a sense of uncertainty washing over you two.

You didn't want to push it. It had been a really fun night. He fumbled nearly every step along the way, but still managed to make it even better than expected. When you went to the bathroom, you took a pen and a piece of a bill that you left in your pocket and scribbled down your number on it, folding it. Considering he hadn't asked for your number and simply did everything via the app you two met over, you figured maybe this would push him in the right direction without pushing too far.

You returned to the counter, tapping Cloud on the shoulder. "We should probably call it a night. I have to work tomorrow, and you can't drink anymore because you need to drive, so I'd say this is a fairly good place to stop." He looked at you, from his sitting position, for a second, before he stood up. "Yeah, you're probably right. Do you want me to drive you home, or is that too soon?" You shook your head. "A little bit too soon, Cloud." You bid your goodbye to Tifa before returning to Clouds bike. "Don't worry about me getting home. I'll have a friend pick me up in a few minutes. On another note... I really had fun tonight. Somehow, even when it first looked like you had just ditched me, you made it... Probably my best date ever. Thank you for that. You leaned up to kiss him on the cheek, and handed him the paper.

"Call me if you want it throw it away if you don't. I hope I'll see you again?" He smiled again then, leaning down a bit. Your faces were so goddamn close, mouths nearly touching. "You definitely will" and then he kissed your forehead and smiled as he drove off. You look back at the bar. Tifa standing in the double doors and shaking her head, smiling. He still had to work on some of his etiquette, but he was doing really well. And you? You simply smiled, a giddy feeling in your chest, while the corners of your mouth refused to lower even an inch.

[gwynndolin]

Independent Album Review:

3D Country by Geese

I still have plenty of asks from people about music to review, but I figured there's plenty of room to talk about stuff I've been listening to independently!

So in my exploration into getting back into Apple Music, I decided I would not initially import all my previous music from Spotify, in attempt to get a new swing at the algorithmic content it would send my way, and it's worked certainly! The first song I heard by Geese was actually off their first album Projector, and I ended up trying to listen to that one for a little while. My final thoughts on Projector was that it was entirely interesting, but unfortunately not very memorable at first blush, but it showed a lot of promise. When I had told my girlfriend that I had started listening to them, she had noted that she recognized the 3D Country album art and said she'd heard at least one or two songs and thought that they were pretty good, so I jumped in pretty much immediately. And I'm glad I did!!

3D Country starts off with Cameron Winter's isolated voice, followed up shortly after by the blues rock number "2122". I think Cameron's voice is one of the most interesting things about Geese by far; it's extremely hard to tell what his default range is? He tends to sing in a slightly baritone register for the most part, but he's certainly not afraid to get up into his head voice, and it just works! The difference between where he's singing in the track "3D Country" and then in "Cowboy Nudes" nearly feels like a completely different singer. Honestly he sort of reminds me of Julian Casablancas, whereas Julian usually sings higher and occasionally goes lower.

Geese is one of these really exciting sorts of bands that I would lump in with BCNR, Black Midi, Maruja, and King Krule... I feel that, at least in the genres that I tend to listen to, there's been a lot of stagnation, and these bands feel like they're at the forefront of some well welcomed movement in the scene. And I always feel like you can really tell when this is happening when descriptions of these bands tend to offer like five or six different genres to attempt to give someone an idea what to expect.

To me, this reads as us being on the precipice of a new genre, or at the very least, a new subgenre, which is always very exciting to me. Obviously, genre is most often used descriptively instead of prescriptively (or at least, it is typically sought to be), but even in this, genre labeling, I feel, often allows for more focus into a particular sound, so to say that genres should only ever be descriptive seems a little reductive.

With that being said, while listening to this record, I kept thinking to myself "This is just Funkadelic for white people". Which was completely a joke, in my typical style of saying really broad statements about music that are reductive, but as I went on through it started feeling more real to me. "I See Myself" could honestly just be a track on Maggot Brain.

Anyway, I highly recommend giving this album a shot, and to keep an eye on Geese throughout the future, this is definitely a top 2024 album for me (even though it is a 2023 album..).

A VERY solid 8/10 for me, I think the album is pretty front loaded, but all of the tracks on it are all well enough and fitting for the album in their own right, and if Geese keeps moving like this, their next album might be an all timer for me..

Fave tracks: 2122, 3D Country, Cowboy Nudes, Undoer, Mysterious Love, Tomorrows Crusades, St Elmo

[jules-has-notes]

2017 Kettering A Cappella Festival — VoicePlay live performances

Three years after their previous appearance, VoicePlay returned to the stage in Dayton as professional headliners for the Kettering National A Cappella Festival. Their recent schedule hadn't allowed as much educational outreach as usual, so they enjoyed what time they had with the kids.

.

[Here is another recording from the side of the stage with more of their entrance.]

A toe-tapping tune with an audience participation element is a fantastic way to kick off a show. With a performance like this one, it's not surprising that the crowd treat them like the rockstars they are.

Details:

title: Mr. Blue Sky

original songs / performers: "Mr. Blue Sky" by ELO (Electric Light Orchestra); [1:10] "Blue Skies" by Ben Selvin & Charles Kaley (as The Knickerbockers)

written by: "Mr. Blue Sky" by Jeff Lynne; "Blue Skies" by Irving Berlin

arranged by: Geoff Castellucci

performance date: 11 November 2017

My favorite bits:

the crunchy harmonies on ♫ "sun shines brightly" ♫ ☀

J.None working the front row, and the kids' resulting excitement

Layne looping back for his mic stand without missing a beat

"So far, you've been helping us… not so much." 😆 (Very diplomatic.)

the smooth transitions into and out of the "Blue Skies" section

Geoff giving Layne's arm a friendly bump as they cross on the riser

using the mini megaphones to replicate the voice distortions from the original song

the build up to the lovely ending chord

Trivia:

The guys performed this arrangement for a little over a year more before they finally filmed a video for it as the first entry in the second round of their PartWork series.

The mini megaphones later made an appearance in the music video for their cover of "You're My Best Friend" by Queen.

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There's a ton of overlap between a cappella kids and theater kids, so it was an easy choice for VoicePlay to include a song from the biggest musical of the 21st century in their setlist. It interesting to see how their new member and a live setting led to adjustments in the arrangement from the recorded version.

Details:

title: My Shot

original performers: cast of Hamilton: An American Musical (2015)

written by: Lin-Manuel Miranda & Alex Lacamoire

arranged by: Layne Stein

performance date: 11 November 2017

My favorite bits:

shifting the vocal roles with J.None taking on both the Hamilton and Burr lines

all the audience members singing along

the projections on the backdrop

Earl's fantastic French accent and that dip into his lower register

the moment of silence after ♫ "you're gonna get shot" ♫ and Layne's gunshot sound effect

the building tension during Geoff's repetition of ♫ "Where are these colonies gonna rise up?" ♫

harmonized fast patter lyrics

J's big old belt leading into the ending section

Trivia:

VoicePlay had released their video for this song a year and a half earlier, shortly before the 2016 Tony Awards.

This video was originally posted to Facebook by the Western Brown Choirs from Mount Orab, Ohio.

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Every performance of this piece is unique. It's also one of the best demonstrations of their group name, a chance for the boys to play together for everyone's amusement, including their own. Unfortunately, this clip is only the first two verses and one chorus, but it's still fun while it lasts.

Details:

title: Elvira

original performers: The Oak Ridge Boys

written by: Dallas Frazier

arranged by: Geoff Castellucci

performance date: 11 November 2017

My favorite bits:

troublemaker Eli nudging Earl to take center stage

pouty Geoff sitting on the edge of the riser, and the ensuing gesture conversation between him and Earl

J.None's smooth runs

Eli's big old riff

Trivia:

This fan favorite tune was a staple of VoicePlay's live shows for many years, including on the 2015 Sing-Off tour, but they've never made a music video for it because the audience response is so integral to the humor of it.

Their buddies in Home Free enjoyed this arrangement so much that they asked to use it as a starting point for their own version recorded with The Oak Ridge Boys.

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Additional photos

.

The crowd was pretty excited for the post-show meet and greet.

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[misc-obeyme]

Hey, chat. I'm back, heheh 😈

I've been thinking many thoughts recently. Dangerous, I know. But it's too late.

I like to sing while I cook and bake, and I think many others do as well. I don't even listen to music while I sing, I just acapella it off of my memory for the lyrics. While I was making crêpes for breakfast this morning and singing City Of Stars from Lala Land, I got to thinking about Barbatos (as always)

Not only what his reaction would be when he caught me mindlessly singing, but how he may would join in. City Of Stars is a duet, after all, and a quite romantic one at that. Imagine him coming into the kitchen and starting to sing the other part in the duet while I stutter for a moment out of embarrassment from having been caught, only to continue on singing once he guides me into a slow waltz. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Even better, music room. Piano. Playing the piano side-by-side omgggg. From my knowledge, only Lucifer and Satan can canonically play the piano (sorry if I'm wrong. Please correct me!) But it totally makes sense that Barbatos could as well, right?

You're practicing in the music room when you become so absorbed in the melodies that you don't even notice Barbatos watching from the doorway. Infact, you don't notice anything until he's sat down right next to you to play the parts you're not advanced enough to play just yet.

Sigh. I need him.

I'm fairly certain I've talked about Barbatos reacting to an MC that sings while they work/bake at some point... just because I think someone else mentioned it, too! You're right, I think it's something a lot of people do!

I know I do. And I do the same thing, just a cappella style whatever is stuck in my head at the moment.

Barbatos is absolutely the kind of romantic that would dance with you in the kitchen. Especially if you were embarrassed about it!

It's very funny to me that you mention playing the piano together. I've been playing the piano for almost thirty years. So naturally, when I made my OC Arsenios a music demon, he has ended up playing the piano a lot in his story. It's kind of his main instrument. So I've been writing a lot of scenarios with MC and a piano playing demon lol!!

Anyway, getting off topic, sorry! I don't actually remember for sure who all can canonically play the piano. I know Lucifer can for sure. There's a UR card where Simeon learns how to play with MC and they put on little performance on some street piano. But I don't think that's mentioned anywhere else. I can't remember anyone else, so I'm just gonna take your word for it on Satan. He seems like he'd know how to play too.

As for Barbatos, I can't imagine a demon that old hasn't mastered multiple different instruments at this point. I mean why not, right? This is the thing, I kinda think you can just headcanon that the demons know how to do various things because they're so old, it makes sense that they've had the time to learn it.

I also like to think that Barbatos has a really lovely singing voice. I imagine him being a tenor with a really smooth voice that can soar into higher and lower registers with ease.

In fact, I really like the idea that Barb sometimes does the singing while working thing, too. I'd personally love to catch him in the act just to start singing along... watch that guy be surprised, but take it all in stride and then you guys are harmonizing and Diavolo and the little Ds are sneaking around nearby to listen...

Or if you're playing the piano at RAD, you end up drawing a little crowd of demons, huddled by the door because they wanna listen, but they're too afraid to disturb Barbatos to come all the way inside.

[2kyo7]

𝐂𝐀𝐈𝐌; 𝟎𝟐

metkayina!reader x avatar 2

THAT NIGHT WHEN RETURNING home to your shared marui pod, it would start pouring rain, nothing you weren't accustomed to—but the weather somehow further dampening your foul mood.

The pod you lived in was a bit larger than most, with your grandmother being the clan's well respected healer, it was constantly covered in plants, mysterious liquids and various spices. She'd even taken the time to teach you a little about her work, but you couldn't be bothered to remember the information whole heartedly.

Walking on the very tips of your toes, you made it to one of the pod's many entrances without so much of a creak, pulling back the blanket of thick vegetation which served as some privacy while Tawmì worked. "Where have you been?" You were quick to turn around, braids entangling around your face in the process, all attempts of stealth now entirely meaningless.

Suddenly air caught in your throat, trying to swallow it down enough so that you could speak. "I.. I went a little past the reef with Kanaya..." you took a few careful steps towards Tawmì, still keeping a safe distance away. It was difficult to grasp an emotion, her tone neutral and calm, she sat in a corner mixing a concoction, back hunched obscuring her face.

"Hm."

Besides the sound of rain water connecting with the sea, there had grew a long silence between the two of you. Until Tawmì lifts a single finger that gestures you to kneel on the floor along side your herself, she was—like always—hard at work, grinding a stone tool against a herb which was laid out on a wooden mat.

"Help me girl, make yourself useful." Though your grandmother's words would've sounded harsh to anyone else, they were words of compassion to you, attentively following her directions, a small smile growing on your features knowing she'd no longer seemed to be angry with you.

"____, tomorrow you will teach Toruk Makto's children our way of life." It took you a moment to register her words, Toruk Makto? Those five-fingered devils? Your eyes were blown wide with hurt, "Grandmother, you of all na'vi know—"

"I will not hear any of it!" Tawmì sandwiched your lips between her fingers, cutting your rant short. "Tomorrow you shall bring them fruits and beg them for forgiveness." Once releasing you, she immediately went back to work as if she hadn't asked an impossible feat.

Rubbing the now swollen skin, you became lost in thought, feeling your lips quiver and tears build once more. What have I done to deserve such a punishment grandma? You noticed the copious amount of gathered fruit resting in a bowl near your bed, ready for delivery when you awoke in morning. "I refuse to teach those beast anything." Out of frustration, you fiddled with the pearls which occupied a braid—catching your soft bottom lip between your teeth.

"You cannot live in the past any longer, I will not allow it." Her words echoed throughout your brain, lowering yourself onto the soft fabric, completely drained of the day.

Even as a child you were extremely independent and stubborn, Tawmì remembered, lack of parental guidance only amplified this fact. You still enjoyed playing and socializing with others, no doubt, but at the end of each day she always found you in deep connection to the sea, wether you'd be longingly looking at its waves or interacting with animals.

Tawmì would say, "we are all children of eywa's ocean, but my granddaughter was born to it."

Though Tawmì understood your deep hatred of the sky people, she too feared everyday you grew more resentful—and eventually you'd do something terrible—irreversible even.

That is why she puts you through these trials, so you could see for yourself their was nothing to fear, that these were not the sky people who killed them.

She watches as you shift in your sleep, another nightmare... she thinks, placing a soothing hand atop your tense but unconscious form Tawmì begins to sing a lawr your mother sung to you as a child. Eywa hear my prayers, bring my grandchild to peace, do not curse this 'eveng for the faults of her sa'sem.

lawr - melody

'eveng - child

sa'sem - set of parents

The time was now midday, you'd spent the morning brooding around the pod until forced out by your tail, a large bowl filled to the brim with fruits resting loosely in your arms. You weren't exactly in a rush whatsoever to reach the Sully family's home, stopping along the way for multiple detours.

When you finally did arrive at your destination, about half the bowl went missing—some of the fruits you'd eaten yourself, offered to others, or fed to Ilu. It's not that much of a difference, how could they know anyhow? Before entering you noticed them all kneeled around each other in a circle, your head tilts in confusion and wonder. Flinching when Toruk Makto's eyes met yours, his family's following.

They all stood, the atmosphere suddenly becoming extremely tense due to your presence. You walked into their pod with a quick glance around, taking note of their strange forest belongings, you were met with a simple greeting from the two younger male na'vi (Neyetam and Lo'ak, were there names—grandmother had told you) an "I see you." just like yesterday. Instead of completely dejecting them you sent a small nod their way, seemingly surprising the two.

The youngest na'vi—Tuk—hid behind her mother as the other remained silent, simply observing your movements. Approaching Toruk Makto, you held up the bowl of fruit to him and his mate. "I bring fruit to Toruk Makto—and his kin," the mood lightened very moderately at your words, which contradicted your expression. Lips pressed in a thin line, almost scowl, ears twitching occasionally and eyes appearing bored.

"Thanks kid, that's very nice of you—isn't it guys?" Toruk Makto looked around, prodding his family for a response. There were small sounds of recognition, no one majorly thankful for your efforts, except the smallest na'vi who genuinely seemed grateful. "Thank you!"

"Just so you know, my kids aren't sky people." Your head tilted for the second time today, does he lie to protect them? A hmph sounded from your lips as you turned to scan over his off spring, again. The oldest and youngest were relatively normal all things considered, but the same could not be said about their siblings.

"You can hold my hand again," everyone immediately turned to stare at Lo'ak questioningly, realizing the crudeness of his statement, he was quick to correct himself—"f-for proof, of course."

Neteyam silenced his brother with a simple grasp of the shoulder, saving him from any further embarrassment.

The look you sent Toruk Makto was one of complete doubt, circling around them for a moment, their mother clearly unhappy at your staring. "I will teach Toruk Makto's children, but only if they will learn."

"Toruk Makto's children have names, y'know." Your attention was lured by the female na'vi similar in height, she stared you down in annoyance, she was the most demonic out of them, you cut your eyes away from her form, finding the comment equally bothersome. "I'm sure they do."

"We meet where the currents are lightest, can Toruk Makto's children handle that much?" Not waiting on their response, you dove into the ocean's salty waters and in almost no time at all, you were gone. "Ugh! I hate her! Dad did you see the way she was staring at us?" Kiri held herself even tighter, ears bent in anger. Neteyam and Lo'ak also felt unsettled by your comments, but clearly not as bothered as their sister, Tuk oblivious as ever.

"Come on babygirl, clearly she's got somethin' against the sky people—jus' give her some time, she'll come around." Jake's attempt did little to comfort his daughter, only irritating Kiri further, whatever the sky people had done, did little to do with them, her family was not at fault.

Jake soon sent his children away from their training, a few words of encouragement to go with them. "I'm so worried ma Jake, that girl...she holds such hate." He could only hold Neytiri against his chest to soothe her worries, "the kids are strong, have faith in them."

[endcant]

Hey, I hope ur well. I just found ur page searching about transitioning as a trans guy and singing, and I'm just curious to know if u still sing? And how it's going? I know of trans guys who can sing arguably better after T like noahfinnce and cavetown, but I'm just worried about it that's all. I haven't even started T yet cos I'm from the UK and our waiting lists are very long lol

hey there! i still sing, yeah. i have been taking a really low dose so really my range has honestly only drifted down like 5 or so semitones. i was a music major and ive sung with a lot of guys, trans and cis, and so i have a lot of thoughts on this topic. so i'm going to rant:

the biggest struggle ive noticed is a constant lack of familiarity with how each note feels in my voice day-to-day, since my voice is still actively changing. my solutions to this is are 1.) mostly singing accompanied (i play guitar, uke, and piano) so that i have a pitch reference, and 2.) recording all of my practicing

recording my practicing was something i was required to do in audiation classes in music school, but i only really did the bare minimum for my assignments because singing what was in my head was easier back when my range had been stable for years. practicing with recordings is more important than ever now because my voice is much more sensitive to strain than it used to be before i was on T. that means that if i sing the same thing over and over just to hear myself sing it, my voice will get tired and stop working VERY quickly. now when i practice, i record a run, and listen back a few times while making notes on my music sheet of what i need to fix before recording again. i also tend to avoid practicing at full volume if i have to practice the rhythm of a passage or something like that. sometimes i just speak a passage to get rhythm or pronunciation. anything to avoid singing too much or too hard while still singing enough to practice effectively. ALSO, my tongue and throat haven't been able to relax easily lately, so my warm-up is very different than it used to be to try to address that. my voice is still in the beginning part of changing, though, so what i've got going on is only part of the picture.

for a bit more of what's down the road, i have a lot of friends who are on T, a lot of whom ask me to assess their voice range (i was a music major and i guess they assume im the one to ask). the #1 thing ive noticed is that trans guys whose voice ranges drop significantly tend to get hung up on the fact that they can't sing the high notes they used to be able to sing, while ignoring the fact that they have access to an expanded lower register. i have some friends who have a lovely, rich baritone range, but they are really shy about singing that low because it's unfamiliar, and then they crack their voices struggling to sing notes that wouldve fallen within their former soprano range. ultimately, trans guys with their voice settled into a new range are just as capable of learning to utilize that range as anybody else, and the main block there is mental. a lot of us are just used to singing differently because we've been in a different range most of our lives, and the instinct is just to avoid singing to avoid sounding dumb, rather than practice and re-learn. also i think a lot of my transmasc friends (esp ex-sopranos) were way too pessimistic about how far their voice was capable of dropping, so they don't know what to do with themselves now that their voice change has exceeded their own expectations.

one thing that i think is important to remember is that cis guys have experienced a lot of the same struggles that transmascs on T have with their voices. i was a music major and we had some singing requirements for all music majors, even non-vocal majors, and it really seemed like the cis guys initially struggled a lot more with the basics of singing than the cis girls (and pre-T me) in the class. here are a few things that i gleaned from being in those classes and watching those guys learn to sing:

the biggest thing to consider, especially if you are a soprano before T, is that sopranos have a lot of notes in their range that resonate in their head. the difference between having a "proper head voice" and a falsetto high range is whether or not you're able to comfortably sing high notes that resonate in your sinuses most strongly. why is this a major consideration? when your voice drops and your most comfortable notes suddenly tend to resonate more in your throat and chest, that is WAY harder to hear than those high notes that buzz directly in your skull, especially in the details. going out of key is way more likely when you can barely hear what note you're singing compared to literally hearing your voice vibrating in your head while singing. my professors used to tell guys who struggled with staying on pitch to practice singing either with their hand in front of their face to direct the sound back to one of their ears, or with a piece of paper in front of their face. you could even practice singing to a bathroom wall or something like that. this has already become useful advice for me, since i can't hear the difference between my new lowest notes unless i'm either recording them or hearing the sound reflected off a surface.

another thing that my vocal instructor used to go on about a lot is that shoulder tension has a large effect on your chest voice. if, after your voice drops, you're keeping your shoulders tensed, you might not be able to sing all of the lower notes that your body is capable of producing. my vocal instructor used to tell some of the guys to literally practice singing while lying down??? i don't know if that solution actually helped with the shoulder tension, but the shoulder tension seemed like a real issue that was partially physical and partially psychological. ultimately, decent relaxed posture is something that is always important for singing no matter what your range is.

one more thing is that cis guys had their voices break and drop, too. whenever i or one of my transmasc-on-T friends struggles with singing, i point out that every cis guy who sings has had to deal with this too. it just happened while they were younger and every other guy around them was dealing with the same thing too. and, for them, it could've taken like 5-10 years. a lot of trans guys crank up the T as high as possible for as fast of a voice change as they can manage, and then they have a hard time adjusting to a voice change that only took 6 months or a year or even a couple years. it's gonna be hard to mentally adjust to a voice change when it happens so fast (relatively speaking), and when you're much more alone in dealing with it. all this is to say... yes, it takes a lot of effort to sound decent while singing during a voice change, and it is going to take a lot of effort to get used to that change once it's basically over, but it is something that is possible, since so many people sing despite having a changing voice. even cis women have their voices change over time.

to wrap this big long rant up, there is a lot of very speculative writing about the effects of T on the voice and the best way to retain vocal talent through the effects of T. some will say to avoid singing until your voice is done cooking, some will say that you should sing constantly to avoid losing range. my personal advice from where i'm at right now is that you should practice very gently, but sing as much as you need to to sound decent. having your voice slowly change on T is sort of like if you know how to play flute and every now and then someone replaces your flute with a very slightly larger and lower-toned flute. you don't even notice the change most days, but it makes you sound much shittier at flute if you don't practice before you perform, especially when compared to people who have had the same regular-sized flute for like 20 years.

whenever you get on T, just trust that it'll be fine, as long as you expect and accept that your voice is changing. sing if you want to sing, stop singing if it hurts, try to adjust your technique to minimize pain, and know that you'll be adjusting a lot more than you used to for awhile. it'll feel alien for a long time, but remember that one day your voice will settle into a range once again, and you'll be able to really get to know that new voice. and remember that most of singing well is just maintaining a good ear for pitch (something you can do by practicing any instrument btw), keeping healthy posture, and practicing enough to know what you sound like these days before you perform.

i'm sure everybody whos had T-induced voice changes will have their own opinions about this though, so don't take my word as gospel

[thequeercomedian]

*Modern Day Steddie

Eddie knocked on Steve’s door, ready to pick him up. He rang his Ring doorbell, the chime ringing the tone of a classical piece of music Eddie did not recognize.

Eddie: “Hello?” He yelled at the Ring a bit loudly.

Eddie was still unsure how Steve’s parent’s newest technological toy worked. When it came to technology, Eddie knew how to work his phone, mostly his Spotify app, a laptop, and a TV…and sometimes his Xbox when the disk reader worked.

Steve, however, was a tech wiz. Maybe it was because he could afford the latest iPhone, the best brand laptop and tablet, the top of the liner hair dryer. Yes, Eddie discovered through Steve even hair dryers could be boujee. Who the hell needed a hair dryer more than $20 bucks? Steve Harrington, that’s who.

Eddie wasn’t jealous…okay, mostly not jealous. Steve had even offered to upgrade his out of date tech, but Eddie wouldn’t allow it. It wasn’t pride or anything. One, Eddie didn’t care about being flashy or owning the newest thing. Two, Steve didn’t need to buy him anything to prove he cared about him. Okay, the date night dinners are nice, and the one time he bought him Iron Maiden tickets so close to the stage, Eddie felt Bruce Dickinson sweat on him were the exception of the rule. But other than that, all he wanted from his ‘big boy’ was a kiss and a cuddle. And head scratches! Eddie loved the head scratches.

Sighing, Eddie entered in the code Steve had given him and waited for the electronic lock to chime it was open. He entered into Steve’s home.

Eddie: Steve?

Silence.

Eddie, singsonging: “Stevie?”

More silence.

Eddie, sighing to himself: “Come on baby boy, I know you’re here. I didn’t track down my nicest jeans for you to ignore me.”

It should be noted, his nicest jeans were the black, skinny jeans he owned that only had holes in the knees. Eddie wore them almost every date they had. They made his lower body look good, according to Steve. That’s the nice way to put it. His exact reaction, upon seeing Eddie wearing them for the first time, was to stare at his ass like a weight watcher stares at a buffet.

As Eddie got closer to the stairs, he heard a muffled sound. Walking up them, he began to register that the muffled sound was music. He heard guitars, drums, and singing. He also heard someone singing over the music playing. It wasn’t quick to deduce that the noise was coming from Steve’s room.

Eddie quietly opened the bedroom door. He saw Steve, standing in front of his vanity mirror, which Eddie had teased him for many, many times, working on his hair, singing along to the song playing out of his speakers.

Steve, singing: “You go down just like Holy Mary, Mary on a, Mary on a cross. Not just another Bloody Mary, Mary on a…”

Eddie, swinging the door open to make his presence known: “You like Ghost?!”

Steve, jumping: “Jesus! Fuck! Don’t do that!”

He turned off his speakers.

Steve: “How long have you been here?”

Eddie: “Long enough to be ignored at the front door, but able to catch some of the concert.”

Steve rolled his eye, “I heard the song on Tiktok and liked it. It’s catchy.”

Eddie, putting his hands up: “Hey, I’m not complaining. I’ll take any win I can get if it comes to you liking metal. I’m just, surprised it was a Ghost song.”

Steve, curious: “Why is that?”

Eddie: “Steve, you do know what that songs about right?”

Steve just shrugs.

Eddie, snorts: “Oh boy.”

Steve, confused: “What?”

Eddie walks up to Steve and explains, real close in his ear, what the song is all about. Steve’s eye are widen when Eddie pulls back, which caused Eddie to bite his cheek from laughing at how cute Steve looks when he is shocked by something.

Steve: “Oh God! I’m going to Hell now!”

Eddie, putting his hands around Steve’s shoulders: “Oh baby boy. You aren’t going to Hell for liking Ghost.”

The kiss on the cheek Eddie gave Steve seemed to relax him. Steve had a look of a kid who just took a bite of really good ice cream.

Eddie: “You’re going to Hell for the sodomy.”

If asked, Eddie would say that yes, getting smacked in the stomach by Steve was worth it to cause his ears to go bright red.

*As a Ghost fan since the Meliora album, I have been fascinated by one of their songs becoming a TikTok sound. So, naturally, the idea of Steve liking the song because of Tiktok, and having no idea what it’s about, struck me as funny…especially if Eddie had to tell him.

[mirrorballtales]

So much happened overnight!!! At first listen, literally within 13 seconds I sobbed. Full blown sobbed. I haven’t heard a new album since Oct 27, 2022 so this an absolute gift. Then at 11pm she does the most unhinged thing and drops a SECOND album!!! So the TWOs did mean something!!! FIFTEEN NEW SONGS!!! I feel like she was able to pull out this sadness I don’t like to talk about. A different kind of sadness, one I keep to myself, and one that you can only understand if you’ve been there. Her vocals are even more beautiful, definitely more on the lower register which is my favorite with her. They were all fountain or quill pen songs. The Anthology album is definitely sadder and more scathing. So now I’ll just post my thoughts as I listen to these works of healing poetry.

Fortnight feat. Post Malone - SOBBING! SOBBING!!! It’s ethereal, the synth sounds incredible. The beat. I am so glad this is a single. It’s so beautiful. Posty’s voice sounds so good in the backing vocals. And he got to sing the bridge!

The Tortured Poets Department - It’s beyond beautiful. Her imagery. Her metaphors. I’m going to keep this one to myself.

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys - The only thing I’ll say about this song besides I love dancing to it is “once I fix me, he’s going to miss me” and I wonder if that’s true. If they ever miss me. I haven’t fixed me.

Down Bad - I’ll never admit it aloud. But this song is probably my favorite 😭. Oh and I’m crying again. “You sent me back where I came from” IM DOWN BAD CRYING AT THE GYM. FUCK IT IF I CANT HAVE US. DOWN BAD. Nevermind this is my favorite. Wait I already said that. The beat. TEENAGE PETULANCE. I MIGHT NOT GET UP IM DOWN BAD. Yeah I’m obsessed. This is the one 😭 This sort of epitomizes like the second choice thing I say I’m plagued with.

So Long, London - TRACK FIVE. OH THIS IS SO PRETTY! It is really sad. I think when you lose people you love you lose a place to call home. Lots of synth pop. HOW MUCH SAD DID YOU THINK I HAD IN ME? Oh yeah she wrote this about me.

But Daddy I Love Him - Oh it’s country. We’re so back! Debut will destroy me when she releases it. Oh this is such a pretty song! I’M HAVING HIS BABY, NO I’M NOT, YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACES!!! Oh Taylor that lyric.

Fresh Out the Slammer - Yeah it’s definitely time for country. I love this!!! Oh I love this I can’t wait to not be busy and absorb every single lyric. I love this so much. Her lyricism is so beautiful. It makes me think of old westerns and duels, and going into a saloon.

Florida!!! feat. Florence & The Machine - Umm I don’t really care for the feature or the slamming of the drum. Like it’s definitely heavily influenced by Florence and she’s never been my vibe. The lyrics are beautiful. Maybe it’ll grow on me.

Guilty As Sin? - So my friend and I interpreted like when you’re really into someone and when you physically can’t have them, what do you do? The next best thing. You scream his name in your mind. You don’t touch his skin but IF HE’S WRITTEN MINE ON MY UPPER THIGH ONLY IN MY MIND!!! OH WE’VE ALREADY DONE IT IN MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD TAYLOR!!!!!!!! Building back waves, crashing over, without ever touching him???????? PLEASE NEVERMIND THIS IS MY FAVORITE. ACTUALLY ITS ONE OF MY FAVORITES. IM OBSESSED. FUCK!!! I need this tattooed on my damn forehead! I am so obsessed I’m so serious. This is so serious.

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me - I claimed this song before listening to it so let me just said I AM SO GLAD I DID!!! Country undertones. She’s definitely telling a story. I love this song so much. She’s angry and kind of owning people fearing her. This feels very much like the antithesis of mirrorball. Like fuck you, I’m done pleasing people. I’m doing what I want. Like I feel that way. Yes why are you afraid of me? Oh actually you should be.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - this song is very sexy. Country overtones now. Like something you’d listen to at a saloon. With a whiskey, neat. I love this song.

loml- I AM FUCKING CRYING. OH THIS COULD HAVE BEEN TRACK FIVE. THIS IS SO SAD. I CANNOT STOP CRYING. This is truly a sad story. Talking rings? And talking cradles??????????? Oliver Twist count your days you malnourished charlatan. LOSS OF MY LIFE. OH FUCK. IM GOING TO JUMP RIGHT NOW. Aaron Dessner you destroy me time and time again. This is a favorite but because it’s just so sad I need to take time to sit with it. This is so sad 😭😭😭.

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart - I KNEW IT WAS ABOUT THE ERAS TOUR!!!!!!!! I knew it!!!!!!! 😭😭😭 LIGHT. CAMERA. BITCH. SMILE!!!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! Oh this is so 80s. I’m so depressed l act like it’s my birthday. Please!!! So good. New insta caption activated!!! I can’t stop dancing to this. Please. I love it so much.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived - Ratty you’re a piece of shit. Goodbye.

The Alchemy - I, too claimed this song. And fuck it’s so good. It’s about having undeniable, magnetic chemistry. I’m- OH ITS ABOUT HAVING A CRUSH!!!!!! Oh Taylor. Wait this is about Travis. This is definitely giving “I’m so happy Travy made it to the big game” LMAOOOO. I fucking love this song!!! He just comes running over to me!????????? Please.

Clara Bow - Well I’m destroyed again. I am Clara Bow. I’m the fucked up girl no one ever wants. And this song really called me out. THIS IS SO GOOD! SHE NAME DROPPED HERSELF!!!!!!

Okay these are my initial thoughts of The Tortured Poets Department. I’ll do an initial thoughts about TTPD: The Anthology later. I have to go to a stupid job I stupidly applied for.

Anyway, TTPD is my new personality, I will be listening to this album forevermore.

[whiskeyswifty]

am i the only one who feels like a lot of Taylor's vocal show-off moments (honestly all just her belting the lyrics) sound rather strained and are barely off her simply yelling? No doubt she can sing, but sometimes I see a video on my dash that has people hyping up her vocal performance and it is not all that impressive... But I don't know if I simply am a hater, generally not always impressed by belting (which is not the end all be all of vocal performances), or if others feel this way too.

I feels the same in the sense that while I enjoy when she sings a certain way that’s emotional or evocative of something, I’m never impressed by her vocals in the way that I think they’re extraordinary in talent or skill. I don’t think most of the (sane) Swifties would say she’s an extraordinary vocalist in the typical sense either. They are likely impressed by what she’s showing she’s capable of compared to her average vocal stylings, but not compared to her peers. The main thing that has historically been associated with the great vocalists of the modern age has been range, which Taylor has little of. She’s no Beyoncé or Ariana Grande or lady Gaga or Adele in terms of range and power, the kind of singers who are true natural talents, that’s for sure. But I’d say that’s not the only kind of vocal style there is, and never has been the only style.

Within different vocal styles, other artists can find their sound and figure out how to employ their voice in ways that may not be traditional, but are equally as effective and pleasant to hear. You can look at people like Phoebe and Billie who have a sound that’s soft and gritty at the same time, very emotionally evocative and delicate, that conveys the intimacy and melancholy they’re aiming for. Lana had a very limited range but within it she has almost a free form way of crooning that she distorts with echos and such to create a larger sounding atmosphere and voice than she has, and it suits the satirical motifs she is playing with. Doja is another, who is actively not trying to even sing in the classic way we’d call “pretty” but rather is playing fast and loose with her voice to emote heavily, mock, and even sing what you could call musical jokes by singing in whacky characters. There are soooo many others in this day and age who have carved out their own style!

For Taylor, I’d say her voice is definitely stronger and more defined than it used to be, and her lower register has grown as she aged. But it’s still a very limited range and she has very limited vocal acrobatics compared to others who can riff, make seamless jumps between low and high notes, etc etc. I’d say she knows this and has the great fortune of writing her own songs herself, so she writes for her abilities and has created a style for herself that she’s comfortable in. She can highlight her strengths, like her ability to emote, and stay in the ranges she sounds strongest, and so on. Sometimes she pushes up against the the boundaries of her range, and as far as I can tell she hits the notes fine, but they are at the very edges of her ability. That’s where the strain comes from that you’re probably hearing, and sometimes I hear it too. It doesn’t bother me as much, but that’s totally fair if it bothers you! Her belt is closer to a yell, I agree, but that’s also her style. She’s turned it into her style at least, the same way rock musicians have done their yell-singing in the past you could say. And that’s been an acceptable and enjoyable way to hear rock musicians sing for decades now, it’s just less common in pop. But it’s not always a style that works for everyone, for sure. It’s more of a strategic way of singing than any kind of extraordinary natural vocal talent, but being able to develop this strategic singing style is a talent in and of itself you could say.

Personally, as much as I love the voice Taylor has and the comfort it brings, I don’t come to Taylor for her wide ranging vocal stylings. I’d say her concerts are more sing-a-longs than going to hear her voice sing live, which is entertaining in how she uses it theatrically but not exactly impressive insofar as the range and power I talked about before. I can compare it to a recent Beyoncé concert i went to where the crowd was relatively quiet as Beyoncé sang because her voice is truly incredible to behold, like it just fills the space and the air and takes a hold of you like nothing else. You are there to witness and hear the incredible range and control that she has over her natural and refined talent. Both very entertaining shows and artists that offer totally different things for different people, but both of them using their voices to their desired effects and ultimately to achieve the same ends: both of them playing the exact same stadiums to sold out crowds who leave immensely satisfied.

[eurovision-del]

6. Romania – D.G.T. (Off and On)

Ok, so a bit of preface for this one – I locked in my final ranking right before starting to post these write-ups in mid-April, and I’d already outlined my notes for why I loved D.G.T. so much and why I thought it worked so well – and then a revamped version was released. I decided to stick to my original ranking based on the version we’d heard in the national final, and wait until the rehearsals to see whether the revamp was really what we’d hear in Liverpool or not – and unfortunately it looks like it is. While I’m sticking to my rule to not let rehearsal footage influence this ranking, since the new version technically came out just before I finalised this list, this review has been hastily reworked to cover both versions.

I honestly love the original version of this song! The blues rock sound is right up my street, and it’s the perfect music to convey the messy emotions this song delves into. It’s gritty and raw, hard-hitting from the very first note, full of attitude. I love how it’s structured in a way that gives it variety while still creating a tension that never lets up throughout the entire song. When I first heard this song I wished it was all in Romanian, but actually I think the language shift to English at the start of the second verse works to highlight that moment without altering the intensity in the music. Then when the song does strip it back after the second chorus the staccato piano notes and snappy vocal line keep that tension building, and before you know it the descending baseline kicks in and you’re thrown back into the mess of it all! This entire song is a gut punch – painful and raw from start to finish, as messy and toxic as the relationship it sings about, and I cannot get enough of it.

This is also why, as far as I’m concerned, swapping out all that tension for a minute long acoustic opening is a huge mistake. It saps all that energy out and messes up the structure of the song. The language shift no longer serves any purpose as it’s now happening as the music is completely switching gear and the song finally gets started in earnest. From there, the song continues as in the original and I’m fully into it again, but there’s a lot less time with the intensity I love.

Regardless of what version he’s singing, Theodor is a great vocalist – he's got a powerful, rough voice, a little imperfect at points, but it’s perfect for this style and he puts so much grit and emotion into it. He’s also got such an impressive range, and this song shows it all off, switching between his mid and lower register throughout, before nailing those high notes at the end. I also love how committed he is as a performer, he throws everything into it! He’s pretty much carried his entire production with little to no support from the broadcaster, and while it hasn’t always worked (I agree with pretty much everyone that the national final staging was rough) I love how earnest and unbridled his approach has been. And in the end, even if I have big issues with the revamp, I honestly think D.G.T is a great song and easily one of my favourite entries of the year.

[heavenzscent]

WIP: WORKING TITLE:

SURPRISE

Rating: M Ship: jeankasa

Authors Note:  This is Canon Divergenent The island is more developed.  Their was none of that Zeke genocide mess.  Erwin is still alive.  They are a bit dysfunctional in this one. But they are young and hot headed.

September \ 21 years old

In a daze Mikasa lifted her head gathering in simi-familiar surroundings. The Mid-wife arrived before the panic could set in upon the moment of her registering the soreness in her lower-half. 

“Mamas awake.” The older woman sing songed with the baby swaddled in her arms now wearing a little pink crocheted cap. 

Her baby. Her daughter. She was real, it hadn't been a dream. 

The last seven months were full of their ups and downs, the three hours of labor and who knows how long she had slept. She felt as though she had been hit by a locomotive. 

Mikasa greedly took her daughter into her arms. She was just as she remembered she thought as she took off the cap to look at her baby girls hair. It was light. Not quite blonde but light brown that had a sort of honeyed tone about it alot like her fathers. 

Tracing the downy hair upon her daughters hair she admired its surprising thickness. It reminded her of a newly born chick but upon the thought panic also alrose. This child in many ways was just if not more delicate then a chick. She could not see much or even move on her own. 

“Ma’am do you need anything. You need to let me know. It’s the strong and prideful who always get the most damaged in my experience.” 

“Do you- “ The Mid-wife whos name she hadn’t bothered to ask handed her a glass of water. “Thank you. Do you have a telephone, by any chance?” 

“Yes. I thought it would be a good idea to get one considering my profession.” She wheeled over a night stand that held a telephone with a ridiculously long cord while muttering about being the first on her block to own one.  

With her left hand she grabbed her phone. The Mid-wife looked as if she wanted to step in but she knew better and watched anxiously as Mikasa maneuvered the rotary dial with one hand and balanced the receiver upon her shoulder. 

After a couple wary glances the woman got the hint and walked out the room to give Mikasa her privacy. She felt so utterly horrible and ungrateful watching the older woman retreat from the deliver room that was in her own home to give Mikasa privacy while she used the womans telephone. 

“Hello, Could I please be connected to Jean Kirstein.” 

The operator got right to work and the dial hummed once again and quickly the clicking of the answered telphone brought a sense of relief to nerves she didn’t even know she had. 

“Hello?” He sounded sweet over the phone. Onyonkopon would consistently joke that they all answered phones like children whatever that meant. 

“Jean. Hello are you busy.” 

“I have the day off.” 

“Good good. Youve been so busy you deserve the rest.” 

“Is everything okay? You sound off.” 

“Yes of course.  It’s just-” Mikasa didn’t quite know how to break the news. “I had the baby and I -I know things aren’t- ” 

“Where are you.” He interrupted his defensive tone completely gone replaced by urgency that was uncharacteristic for a soldier. 

“Jinae.” 

“What the fuck are you doing out -” 

“I was going to Dauper so that Sasha Mam could help  while i prepared but the little one-” 

“How are you both doi-” Neither of them could seem to finish a sentence.

“Well, She’s sleeping righ-” 

“She. A girl we- you had a girl.”  His voice the same pitch as when they learned that she was expecting. “I’ll be their by 3 pm okay.” 

The line silent. She wondered how much he had head that sound during the last 7 months. The silent hallway while she diligently sat still on the other side. All the unanswered calls. 

She oculdn’t feel sorry for long. Her baby girl was stirring. 

The midwife must have been listening at the door because she bussled in once the baby girl began stirring. 

Feb.  20 years old 

She needed to finish this. Levi was behind Eren and Armin was waiting for the signal. They just needed to hold off the invaders long enough to help the civilans get to the forests and then it was safe then she could shoot the flare and Armin could put an end to this battle. 

She could feel her legs turn to jello and the world shift about although she was firmly planted upon the rooftop waiting to strike the Marleyans pathway with thunderspears. 

Jean who was with Sasha and Connie was currently cutting off all the paths to keep them away from the civilans and lead them to her. 

“How’s it lookin’ on your end?” Sashas staticed voice blared from her hand radio. 

She still couldxn’t get used to all the new advancements. It was like magic really. Being able to communicate via sound so far away with invisible waves of air. No matter how much Armin explasined she couldn’t think past magic much like Titans. 

“The civilans are thinning out. The men are behaving and the woman and children are almost all past the treeline.OUT.” 

“Okay, the only civians in the north are men who are fighting too.” Jean buzzed through the radio.

Within the dizziness she felt heavy as well as though she had stopped spinning along with the world. She didn’t want Jean mixed up in all the gunfire. 

She took a deep breath. Today wasn’t the day to be caught by a surprise attack and from Marely no less. They where lucky that the titans where caught up in more distinct battle fronts and that their seemed to be only normal foot soldiers present. Even then Mikasa couldn’t help but think of Onyonkopon and the volunteers people who had been conquered and forced to fight for Marley. Who much Onyonkopons had they killed tonight? Hostages and good men caught between a rock and a hard place. 

She must have eaten something odd this countries food was delusions full of sweet and spicy flavors that she hadn’t had anywhere else. Niccolo had sent her and Jean off with a list of ingredients to pick up in case they happened to visit a market. All day she had felt off and the days before tired but everyone had been tired not used to changing time zones and traveling so far through boats, trains and automobiles. 

The radio wrong with many of her comrades stationed at check points confirming their blocks where clear followed by Green sparks lighting the night sky. 

She put down the feeling and focused on her feet then on the wind on her face and let the bombs tain down. She should have remembered to wear a mask she could feel her face burning and the scent on the military automobiles burning with their bodies and the oils and gasoline and whatever atrtocities they used for war on this damned continent was finally enough to take her over the edge. 

She watched as the contents of her stomach which hadn’t been much since she had been sick in bed most the dayfell into the inferno below. An added insult to injury almost. She could her the wires and the grappling hooks of ODM coming closer. 

She couldn’t let them see her like this. She was supposed to be the strongest. They would think she couldn’t handle the carnage. She continued swinging even as pile continued to trickle down her chin even when she could just open her mouth for a deeper breath and souir and hot stomach accid would escape from her mouth. 

Amongst the bombs and the noise it was all so warm. Being a soldier had never been her dream and she didn’t itch for battle but the warmth of the battlefield kept her going. It reminded her to listen to her instincts. 

Anything but the paralyzing cold.

She took in another deep breath through her nose opening her mouth seemed futile and the smoke was beginning to curl up high in the buildings only serving to choke her. 

“MIKASSAAA!” 

If she wasn’t so focused on staying in the air she would have rolled her eyes even swung the other way.

Jean swung past her and quickly was right behind her. 

“Go to the top of the building. It’s clear.” He ordered. 

“I’m Fine.” 

“I'm your commanding officer, that's an order.” He had never used that tone of authority  with her but she should have expected it. He had wanted to evacuate since she had been ill all day. Still she wasn’t one of the green recruits she was… well she was… she was his…. She was his equal. 

She followed him up wards towards the old colosseum. The air was clearer and she felt less like she was being smothered but still vomit dripped down from time to time now free from competing with the smothering smoke. 

Feeling lighter as though she could fly she let go just let herself propel forward with pure momentum. 

She was as light as a feather.” 

A hard body came crashing opposite to her forcing more bile that couldn’t fathom being left within her out. 

She familiar long brown hair the scent of cooked meat it was Eren freshly out of his titan. 

He placed her down upon reaching the rooftop along with Jean where waiting for them was Erwin and South-West coalitions generals. Evne with one arm he looked as imposing as ever. 

“What the fuck- Jean why where letting her.” 

“She’s  could be hurt you Idiot.” Jean screached loosing all his calm authority from a few minutes ago. 

He quickly scanned Mikasa looking for blood or shrapnel sticking out from her but nothing. 

“I’m fine.” 

“You where vomiting on the battle field.” 

“She fucking flying in the air.” 

“I was watching her.” Pinching his nose with his eyes looking up at the moon maybe for god for just a scrap of patience. 

“Not very well.” Eren scoffed, leaning over Mikasa to get a better look at her. She was too tired too dizzy to really care what was happening on this rooftop it was almost peaceful. They felt like dieties looking down at the chaos below. Was the what it was like to be Armin A titan? 

Jean seemed to have had a better look as Eren bent down on his knees patting her to see if she was bruised or sensitive anywhere storming off towards Comander Erwin to give him a report from the ground. 

By the weeks end the South-West coalition alliance nations signed an allyship agreement with the Eldian nation of Paradise. They had proved during the surprise attack from Marley that they where true friends and anything but devils. 

The Radio waves where full of people making accounts in both Eldian and langues she couldn’t speak of the heroism that the Eldians of Paradise exhibited. For people that where not even aware or formally friends to them. 

It was a step in the correct direction. Plans where being made to start a base where they could send some cadets and squad leaders to stay in Shapazti the strong hold nation state that was the strong hold for the South-Western Colition during the invasions and uprising against Marely. 

People where beginning to see who they were. 

“Louise I need you to ride along with me. Theirs no time.” 

The cadet quickly followed him. She was alittle odd almost devotional to the senior soldiers espcially Mikasa but she was a good worker and always ready to prove herself despite lack of talent. 

“Where are we going?” She huffed. 

“Just follow orders for now Cadet. Its partially personal but it is important.” 

“Was it Mikasa?” 

“What did I say?” He snapped. They rode towards the train station in silence and Jean left her to take the horse back to base. 

He thought about all the time it took them to build just a mile of track and how fast it took to travel that mile. He was in trost and Jinae was a pretty straight shot since it was on the south side. 

Should he have bought flowers? Treats? 

As the panic of the news settled within his bones he felt it again. The realization that he had royally fucked up. Mikasa had given birth alone while she had been traveling alone. Because he had been- Well he had listened to her since their relationship had strained but still as she grew the more at a loss he had become and bitterness had also tainted his feelings. Never had he been more bitter even when she never noticed him when her eyes where only on Eren. 

He had asked her to Marry him and she had said no. How as he supposed to feel? 

She had been angry everytime as she had as much as seen him. When Kiyomi had visited the island she had only become more enraged due to Kyomis happiness that she would give up the Military and maybe even take up permanent residence in Hizuru. 

The idea had sent knots in his stomach thinking Mikasa and the baby they had made being an ocean away but also maybe it was safer. Although peace delegations and alliances where being made Paradise was a hotbed for war at any moment. 

She had shut him out for 7 months. 

Ignored him. 

Blamed him. 

This wasn't his fault. But still the guilt persisted.