#been working through all these little details because theyre so precious to me

[yikes-ajax]

Thinking about modern fantasy where teens having blackouts and restlessness take shitty online quizzes trying to figure out if they're a werewolf. It's always either you've been cursed by hircine or you got repressed trauma. There's a whole discourse in the werewolf community about people who aren't werewolves insisting they are, or people coming up with horrible at home ways to be turned into one (curses, potions, rituals, etc.).

[seven-stars-in-his-palm]

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

Also, hello! Missed you!

HI MAN HI MAN HI MAN!!!!!!! again apologies for the lateness, but ive been eyeing this for so so so so and its so precious iwhsuehe alright fuckers, lets DO IT

18) ive already mentioned in a previous ask but yeah the land of stories and pjo really changed me as a person. immensely. good omens as well ofc!! god that fucking thing really changed me. yes. tthe very beginning and the most recent :D

19) outline. outline outline OUTLINE, every small detail is written in some section i’ve made and it shall stay. i dont have the bestest of systems, but just having a detailed outline having where people will go and what theyre talking about to move it forward really helps—keeping track of characters has never been a problem for me, because its revealed through the narrative, and i Have The Narrative written down already. i have a separate section for a timeline, usually has a parenthesis for what chapter this event happens in/whether its chronological, and development well i keep each chapter in its own page on my site so all of the progress within it stays there, outline first and another section at the bottom for written out things, or maybe if i can, shove it where its supposed to be in the outline. my technique for outlines themselves is writing like im explaining to someone in a verbal conversation as i go. using phrases like “so then we went here and A say fuck no and B was like fuck YES”—making it more informal allows me more reign when i actually write the tense/emotional scene. beautiful 💥

20) i plan long sprints every weekend and through the week i try little bursts. i just try whenever i can ✊

THANKS FOR THE ASKS!!!!!!! :>

[anakinthetrashking]

BnHA One-Shot Fic Recs (pt1)

Making some fic-rec posts has been on my to-do list for a while and I’m finally doing it, yay! Currently I have 6 word doc pages full of just BnHA recs. So I’m splitting them up by length and completion, so first up is (part one of) one-shots! Let’s go!!!

Lets start with some classic Izuku and DadMight!

Pictures, Posters and Tender Beauty by ProPinkist (tumblr: @dazais-guardian-angel ) Rating: G    Category: Gen   ~4,400 words Summary: Izuku has virtually every All Might-themed item out there, and prides himself on all of it, as Toshinori is well aware. However, somehow, the boy still decided that there was something vital missing. This is fluffy and very cute. No one truly appreciates All Might as much as Izuku does, but 1A comes close. All Might deserves all the love, and this fic truly provides!!!

Dear Mr. All Might by QuizzicalCrow (tumblr: @quizzicalcrow​ ) Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~5,000 words Summary: As the #1 hero for decades, All Might has collected a lot of fan mail over the years. Toshinori tracks down a series of letters that only now, years later, does he appreciate for their significance.  I always love the thought of All Might looking through his fan mail, even if he can’t get to all of it. This was a wonderful glimpse into that AND it was made to be so, so personal and sweet. Go have some heart-healing fluff.

Growing Pains by LordofLies (tumblr: @theangelofchildren ) Rating: G   Category: Gen    ~5,900 words Summary: Izuku finds himself changed by his encounter with the Hero Killer, but changes of a more physical kind are in store for him as he begins to truly accept One for All as his own. Once, he would have been thrilled to look more like All Might, but now those connections are as much a source of anxiety as they are of pride.Or, Izuku wakes up one morning and sees the world through different eyes. Izuku having anxiety and Toshi being there to help him through it and calm him down? Sign me UP. Its also a pretty cool take on how One for All is able to change things about it’s holder. Could this happen in cannon? Who knows.... Regardless, it was a great read!

I’ll Carry You Home by Renesvetta Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~2,700 words Summary: While training with All Might, it wasn’t uncommon for Izuku to be so exhausted at the end of the day that he unwittingly fell asleep without regard for where he was. It consequently became part of All Might’s routine to help his young protégé home. During that time, Izuku may have let loose more than one sleepy confession towards his mentor.  Yes, it is as adorable as it sounds. Its tagged with “self indulgent Dad Might fluff” which is both accurate and appreciated. In other words: Superb you funky little writer!

Simple Gifts by QuizzicalCrow Rating: G    Category: Gen   ~6,700 words Summary: One year ago, Izuku received the greatest gift he could ever imagine. Now he’s determined to return the favor for the one responsible for it all with a gift of his own.  First off, I love the idea of Izuku and Toshi quietly celebrating the anniversary of passing on OfA from All Might to Izuku. Even just taking the day to hang out with each other. It’s a really precious idea. But there’s not just fluff! Izuku finds himself in a fight, again. (cool villain quirk, too!) I love all of the small details that are in this fic (and in Crow’s other works, too!) anyway its exciting AND very heartwarming, so go read it!!!

Affectionate by Sevi007 (tumblr: @sevi007 ) Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~2,600 words Summary: Toshinori starts to show affection very easily around his students. The  reactions he gets for that are not quite the ones he had anticipated - well, not all of them, at least.  Toshi is LOVED, APPRECIATED, and 1A feels like HOME. how many times can i say “cute” and “heartwarming” on this post?? bc these are some amazing writers, whom I adore, and their writing makes my heart WARM. AND. FUZZY. i mean, even just the first few paragraphs of this one just, really sets the scene of what i like to believe the 1A dorm is (on a good day, lol). its a really nice read, so go treat yo’ self by reading it.

paint me in trust by dinomight Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~6,400 words Summary: The first mark Izuku gets is a slight brush of green across his temple. It’s the soft touch of a mother holding her son for the first time. Inko has one to match, the same shade of green staining the tips of her fingers. Hers is more noticeable; Izuku’s tends to blend into his hairline. He loves it anyways. He has to. It’s the only soulmate mark he has. (Or: how Izuku goes from just green to a rainbow, UA-style.)  Ok, so this fic sort of plays off the idea of soulmates, and does not fit in with soulmates in the usual form of the trope. First off its completely platonic. Its categorized as Gen and sticks to that. Also it doesn’t seem to be as obligatory and permanent as you would think it would be. It seems to be more of the universe telling you who has the possibility of being important in your life. I really really loved this, it was so adorable and gives you that sweet, sweet Izuku angst, before healing your heart with the power of friendship and found family!!!

The Die Has Been Cast by ChiwiTheKiwi (tumblr: @chiwithekiwi​ ) Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~5,400 words Summary: “There’s something about that kid you aren’t telling me, isn’t there?”When no answer meets him, Shouta tries again.“You know something about Midoriya’s quirk that you haven’t shared with me. Is that right?”(Or: A canon "What If" surrounding the latest manga events and focusing on Aizawa finally making a connection.) First off, this fic has spoilers for the manga, so dont read unless you’re past chp212! I loooooooove OfA reveal fics, especially when it’s Aizawa that finds out. He deserves to know!!! its kind of important!!!! This fic chooses a great moment to work off of, and does a great job with Aizawa’s character. I really enjoyed it and couldn’t keep myself from going back and reading it just now LOL

These last two are actually two-shots, but it makes it an even 10! also Izuku and dadmight, so we can continue the theme here...

Some Unspoken Thing by LittleKy Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~7,900 words (2chps) Green, Toshinori has always thought, is the color of life anew.(Or: It's time for Yagi Toshinori to finally accept that he has a son, now, in all but blood. It's time for Midoriya Hisashi to accept that as well.) YES ALL MIGHT! ADMIT THAT IZUKU IS YOUR SON! great portrayal of the characters and really hits the nail on the head for DadMight. and Izuku in this story is just the smallest green floof that you wish to give a hug. NEVER MIND ALL MIGHT, YOU TOOK TOO LONG SO IZUKU IS MY SON NOW AND IM NOT GIVING HIM BACK ( no but seriously i want to hug this fic its so cute TTuTT )

LAST BUT NOT LEAST! I See You by BirdAntlers (tumblr: @aarymk )

Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~15,400 words (2chps) Midoriya Izuku is a quirkless child, blind from birth. Yagi Toshinori is the most powerful man in the world, loved by millions. They could not be more different, and yet their loneliness is the same.   (From a pair of AU posts on Tumblr that got way out of hand; I wanted to put it here because it turned into more of a fic than a "what-if." Basically a vessel for me to vomit as much Dadmight as I can.) Hey, you! Yeah! You! Do you want to cry? Do you want to start sobbing in a public space?? Do you just want to be destroyed with words and be left there kneeling at the feet of a writer who has torn out your heart and stomped on it before they gently wipe the tears from your face? Yeah?? y oU Wan NA D IE??? READ THIS AND GET REKT.  you’ll thank me later

(under the cut is just me rambling, i kept all the important stuff up here, ur welcome)

Now that the actual recs are over I can rant here- look i really tried to slim my recs down, but i have almost 300 bnha fics bookmarked,some of them are “to read” or theyre in progress, etc but i managed to get this list sorta slimmed down? a little?(to only 58!!!) but as i was gathering this post together it felt like i dont have very many Dadmight recs on that list??? but i havent rechecked all the other fics i was just going through the oneshots. i... kinda read a lot more fics with AIzawa in it instead. it be that way. DadMight content is SO GOOD. but my fav is aizawa im sorryyyyy anyway i have another SEVENteeN oneshots to put in rec posts and that does NOT include the mulitchapter and friikin series and stuff... and like i said this is aaaaaaallllllllllllllll BnHA. batfam fic posts will come after, and then star wars, and then maybe star trek? we’ll see. i have a very specific taste in ST fics and that is Tarsus IV whump. which. i have not read in a while. when they say “that trope came from ST” for sooooooo many tropes, you WISH other fandoms had tarsus as a trope, holy crap it is TOP TIER angst fodder. if you love to write/read whump, angst, and h/c i would HIGHLY recommend that you take a bit of time and explore the content and stories there. heck maybe i will make a ficrec post for just tarsus angst. ok.

my INTENTION is to edit these posts later with little links to the other fic rec lists so that itll be easier to find. but., its me, so itll either happen in painful detail or not at all

asdjkdgh its 2:30am and i need to sleep and not be rambling incoherently again I WILL SAVE THIS AS A DRAFT. 

[tumblunni]

Why is gyan amakano so cute. It should be illegal. I hate how he has such a huggable design and then his character is totally wasted on being half super evil jerkman half Every Fat Stereotype Simultaneously. Like seriously how did this even HAPPEN

Artist: ok so ive drawn this round softman in a cute lil fancy tuxedo who always carries lollipops in his back pocket

Writers: ah yes, the perfect Irredeemable Murder Cannibal Man

Or like..

Writers: we need an Irredeemable Murder Cannibal Man

Artist: dont worry bro i got ya *draws a big circle with a happy face*

Or of course theres the alternative universe where nobody involved in this project ever noticed that this character design looks fuckin precious, but i dont want to live in that world

And then he's only in!! Two episodes!! And theyre so weird and not great!! Its like they kept changing their mind whether he was meant to be funny or scary. Goes from "ha ha a fat man enjoys cookies" to "he literally wants to make cannibal cookies out of humans" to "but ha ha look he's cosplaying as the genie from aladdin, lets go back to laughs now".

And also they made him be a huge jerk to Are Bacchino and that pisses me off!! Its already a bit shitty that they made a character whose entire "joke" is that he has ocd/germaphobia and its meant to be funny? Somehow? That he has this mental illness? And is frequently exposed to stuff that terrifies him?? Funny how???? But then theres a really rather disturbing montage of Gyan punishing his sidekick by straight up triggering his phobia and YIKES MAN sorry thats even more evil than the cannibalism! Also why was it drawn all overly detailed and Saw-esque?? Why did we need so much art effort put into showing dirty feet and a guy being forced to stick his hand in a shit filled toilet. Was this someone's goddamn fetish or something???

So yeah. Upset.

U P S E T T I. R E G R E T T I.

I'm so mad they wasted a cool character deisgn and cool concept on such a shitty execution. Like even the plot could have been cool? They could have got a lot more episodes out of the idea of these two runnibg thru fairytale books and cosplaying as different classic villains. And if theyd just made a damn decision and gone with either funny cute or scary bad then it could have worked! Personally i am voting for funnycute obv course. But also thatd work best with this plot, it would have been better if it was just a low stakes goofy adventure with something like "oh this dude wants to find the legendary magic wish thingie to wish for a lifetime supply of chocolate and our heroes wanna wish for something actually important so thats why they fight". Could have even added some drama cos like he doesnt know the thing is actually dangerous and then what if he ends up possessed by it and you still get a fight with him thats pretty high stakes without having this weird inconsistant personality thing. Could be quite a dramatic twist to suddenly have comedy villain man as a genuine threat! Ans could be a way to resolve it all with friendship cos you could have Are Bacchino teaming up with the heroes to save his boss and then Gyan is like "whoa i guess you guys were 100% right all along" when he gets saved from his own bigass mistake and all. And then THE GAMES COULD ACTUALLY MAKE HIM PLAYABLE PERHAPS, JUST SAYIN

Also PLEASE rewrite like every single thing about the relationship between the two of them. Please take whoever said "yeah gyan should outright torture his one and only friend with a messed up Saw movie ocd-triggering machine" and throw them out the window. Consider this: what if..they were actually...friend. Like i feel they'd have enough comedy potential already just from being a "rival mafia" thats literally two people who are ludocrously incompetant at everything they do and only ever succeed at (literally) stealing candy from babies. Play up that side of things more! No need to throw random super evil shit at the funnymen to make them seem more intimidating, theyre at their best when theyre not intimidating at all. And you could still have the same gag of the fairytale world forms always being Gyan as some sort of classic villain and Are as a talking carpet or whatever, like just say thats how the magic works instead of Gyan doing it on purpose to be a jerk. And you could even still have Are being the funny underdog just from sheer bad luck instead of being purpisely mistreated by every single character in the entire cast. Or have it that Gyan is just a bit of a bumbling idiot boss who doesnt notice his mistakes and Are is like the hypercompetant sidekick who always ends up taking the consequences of those mistakes because he's like an overportective bodyguard. Which could also be a way to establish some cute friendship moments! Like i dunno someone's about to throw a pie at Gyan and Are does an overdramatic diving save and a whole fake death scene from the sheer horror of getting banana cream frosting on his suit. "Boss...go on without me..." *cough choke* And Gyan is like *equally overdramatic tears* "He made the ultimate sacrifice! I will avenge him!!" *charges forward to fight the heroes and just gets easily beat up like usual* And then its like *even more continually dramatic narration* "and the boss was beaten and bruised, but he carried me for miles through wind and storm" *over footage of like ridiculously impossible heroic adventures thay clearly didnt happen* And then it just cuts to the two of them sitting at like...ye olde fantasy laundromat. Are sobbing like "oh boss i'll never forget this" and Gyan is just like *thought bubble* "i wish i got to eat that pie tho"

I dunno maybe im naive but i just think shows are generally more fun when characters actually like each other and have motivations beyond self interest. Obvipusly not EVERY character has to be like that, but nobody is ever kind at all in the damn anime whether theyre villain or hero. And also specifically these sorts of minor role villains can benefit a lot from being fleshed out this way to become way more memorable! Like gin and kin became way better in Psychic Specters when they got the added trait of loving and cherishing their little brother. (To the point of it being a literal battle power that made their horribly hard boss fight even worse, lol!)

Also just...plz dont make a man so cute if hes meant to be big badness. Like seriously Are looks scarier than him and Are is like the least scary man to ever have those scary ass eyes! Smol depressed man with ocd and tol round lollipops friendo. I WANT TO LOVE THEM

Im gonna just cross my arms and sit here stubbornly hoping for The Anime/Game Effect to kick in. Like 99% of all characters in the anime are jerks and even when anime originals end up cameoing in the games they tend to become generally nicer and more well developed as people. So fingers crossed for a yw4 appearance thats full cute and 0% cannibalism!!!

Seriously fuckin.. CANNIBALISM

Why does the anime do that so much as a "funny" "joke"? The episode where Jerry murders a sentient dessert yokai in graphic gory detail still haunts me. "Ha ha its funny because technically theres no blood so we can show her gasping for breath with a hole in her lungs as a man eats her corpse" Did they put the entire budget into that one death animation??? Oh no cos they saved at least a little of it for the Herbiboy Gets Murdered By A Lawnmower episode T_T

Anime why u be this way.

[comicteaparty]

May 13th-May 19th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from May 13th, 2019 to May 19th, 2019.  The chat focused on Damsels Don’t Wear Glasses by J Alice Bown.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Damsels Don’t Wear Glasses by J Alice Bown~! (http://damsels-dont-wear-glasses.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until May 19th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. In so far, what aspect of the world-building catches your interest the most? Why is that so? Also, what theories do you have in regards to differences between places like Persephone and Hestia?

Delphina

For serious scenes, I think I gotta go with the big swordy magic scene where she saves Jake from being crushed by the statue (http://damsels-dont-wear-glasses.com/?comic_id=202) because the lighting effects are gorgeous and seeing Lave doing big magic stuff with her sword was really really cool. For silly scenes, the one that always sticks with me is Lave trying to be a host and failing miserably. (http://damsels-dont-wear-glasses.com/?comic_id=123)

keii4ii

2) I really liked this page. http://damsels-dont-wear-glasses.com/index.php?comic=20180423 How she just asks a random person on the street for a magic shortcut and gets an answer right away. While it's always been clear that magic is an ordinary thing, this kind of little details really shows exactly how ordinary.

Capitania do Azar

I really like the prologue, particularly the part where they climb the lamppost. There's just so much character into the entire scene, and the exchanges are really cool. It's a very strong beginning for a story too, imo!!

2) http://damsels-dont-wear-glasses.com/index.php?comic=20130423 I really think this part has a lot to show about world building like, here's this weird magical event going on, but everyone is just "I was just trying to show you something cool urg" and "well this ain't it"

duskglass

for the worldbuilding, i especially love the variety of creatures/nonhumans we've seen so far, and how well integrated they are with the setting! it's got a classic urban fantasy vibe while also being very fresh and unique

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. What do you think Lave’s backstory is? Do you think she got all her scars from her job, or might some of them predate her job somehow? How do you think Jake will change the way Lave handles and deals with her life?

ClauseArt

heeey I just saw this! This is my comic! Thanks for taking the time to read it! c8

RebelVampire

1) i definitely gotta go with the scene where jake is in dream world like place with aishe. I really love how this scene just suddenly adds 1000 layers of mystery. Plus, i really just love the change in color scheme. It really gives it this other worldly feel that gives me goosebumps. Plus, I also just like Aishe's design. 2) I've really been enjoying the differences in magic. Like, for example, how most zombies actually suck cause ya know...theyre dead. I feel this adds such a great twist what we expect, cause every change I feel fits a more logical setup for what the magic does. Again, like how the zombie thing makes 1000% sense cause dead bodies are not the sturdiest. I am curious about why Lave had such a reaction to Hestia magic schools, but I don't have any theories outside of magic must be viewed very differently in places.

3) Kestrel because he's such a precious failure at life. Like...he just cannot catch a break and for some reason that makes him super endearing to me. Plus now hes got the whole aishe connection thing going on so that makes him double interesting. But mostly I want to boop him for all his failures. 4) I would think some of her scares would have to predate her job. Cause she's...she's got a lot of them. And considering she mentioned having been in jail, I'm kind of struck with the idea that maybe she ran with a gang or something. She super gives me the impression of someone who mostly raised herself and didnt have a huge loving family involved in teaching her how to deal with life. I think Jake will be a good influence on her though and teach her to be more careful. Cause she seems very fun loving and reckless, and while that can work when youre solo, its not great when you have other ppl. Like i think the Kestrel thing was a good example cause I felt Lave perhaps was too loose cannon with it, which semi resulted in Kestrel almost kicking the bucket. And Jake is like 1000 times more fragile, and I think it'll force Lave to see that she cant protect anybody if she goes around without a plan.

ClauseArt

@Capitania do Azar that scene with Kest and lave interacting around the lamp-post was actually the moment I decided Kest worked well as a main character. He was honestly going to die in the original draft. @keii4ii thanks! I super love just....the mundane feeling of everyday magic. @Delphina Honestly Lave just being a f--k up is probably my fav part of writing her character, especially for comedic effect XD Next to drawing glowy magic scenes of course.(edited)

@RebelVampire Oh wow this is a lot. Thank you! ;-; dammit I really can't respond to these kind of questions cus spoilers. But I'm glad you noticed a lot of my characters having...well a habit of messing up (and Lave did not handle that first chap well cough) XD Also Aishe is my fav character to draw, because Kest is my fav character to draw only its + because glowy effects. I do really like when more real world logic is put in fantasy, like corpses making for bad heavy hitters unless they're in a swarm. So I'm super glad you liked that!

Capitania do Azar

4. If Lave's style has always been what we've seen so far, then all those scars don't surprise me at all! They'd be the natural consequence of past encounters, work related or otherwise. It just kinda feels that everything ends with someone getting punched around her

3. I've really liked pretty much everyone, but I think Lave's my favorite cuz she's sturdy but messy and I feel there's a lot to be learned about her aha

And also she prolly also has a lot to learn

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Why do you think Jake is in Persephone with no guardian? What theories do you have on Jake’s hatred of non-humans? Will Jake be able to overcome his prejudice?

Capitania do Azar

6. Jake feels a lot like is somebody important's family but important could mean a lot of things. And has for his discomfort, I think it mostly stems from not knowing/being used to all this magic, which gives me the idea that some of these cities are less magical than others

5. Not an illustration, but I really love how in the last pages, as the sun rises, the colors become brighter and the sky becomes pink!!

It really helps bringing home the feeling that the night is over and the quietness of early morning, which is kinda fitting since they also stopped fighting

Delphina

I think I gotta go with Lave as my favorite character too because competent + ridiculous + magical +swordy is my entire jam so she's sorta the best of all worlds. Gena holds a special place in my heart too because she's clearly trying to keep a lot of things together.

Illustration-wise, I love how things like Jake's anxiety (http://damsels-dont-wear-glasses.com/?comic_id=198) or Chirovision (http://damsels-dont-wear-glasses.com/?comic_id=237) or Aisheland (http://damsels-dont-wear-glasses.com/?comic_id=225) traveling through magic spaces (http://damsels-dont-wear-glasses.com/index.php?comic=20170501) make the palette and rendering different depending on the mood. Really good use of a more abstract style to convey tone and worldbuilding.

(Now I want there to be a DDWG theme park where there's weird places like Aisheland)

varethane

Lave is my fave!!!! I love her goofy attitude paired with how much butt she kicks when it's necessary. I love seeing people underestimate her and then get surprised, haha.(edited)

My favourite illustration is.... hard to pick, but probably this page: http://damsels-dont-wear-glasses.com/?comic_id=206

Capitania do Azar

oh yeah, I really love the color work for those scenes, it carries out the emotions very well

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. For what purpose do you think someone sold Kestrel the cursed orb? How does this tie into the axe theft mystery Lave is asked to solve? What overall is going on regarding these illegal items, and how will it tie into the story?

Capitania do Azar

7. Anything that comes out of Kestrel's mouth is gold, but when he and Lave bicker it's even better!!!

Please just let them bicker more for my amusement

8. It really feels like someone's around trying to spread SOME mayhem and if one object was possessed then maybe it's not the only one... could be a tricky situation

Delphina

Will second that Lave and Kest definitely need to bicker more

RebelVampire

5) im kind of cheating by saying i really like the extra page about the leylines http://damsels-dont-wear-glasses.com/index.php?comic=20160620 its really simplistic yet i think the illustrations work super well to help convey all the world-building information. its just a nice combo of huge info drop with some pleasant visual accompaniment 6) I assume Jake is probably an orphan from some important family? Or that Jake's family is super high up in rank somehow and just went "nah man we dont want this kid no more." while i def think some of jake's hate comes from ignorance, i also get the impression that jake had a bad experience with non-humans. something about jake's reactions just really strike me as ptsd. overall yeah, i think jake is gonna have to overcome it. plus, exposure breeds familiarity. its hard to be in the lion's den and continue to hate the lions.

7) jake and basically any non-human. I really just enjoy seeing jake's various reactions of "eww no" and then having to be confronted with the fact that not all non-humans are bad. It just makes me more and more curious about jake's past. plus, all these interactions really serve as a great tracking devices for how jake evolves in opinion. 8) With Kestrel, I kind of think someone is trying to draw Aishe out. I mean Aishe does have pretty neat butterflies and powers, so I can't blame them. Though I assume its a revenge thing cause I get the impression ppl arent all that happy with Aishe. But thus why other illegal items are being involved because you need powerful stuff to get to the powerful people.

Desnik

That leyline page is gorgeous and informative, I love the combo of worldbuilding and infographics

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. Who exactly is Aishe and what are their goals? What does this have to do with the undead from the first chapter? Why did Aishe help Jake? What will Lave do when she learns about Aishe?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. What do you think the story with Chiro is? How did he wind up as Lave’s roommate? Will Chiro and Jake learn to get along? Also, do you think there might be anything special about Chiro that might affect the story?

AshAngelV

6. I think he's come from an entirely different world that doesn't have non humans and magic.

AshAngelV

11. The world building and color scheme are definitely strong points. It feels fully fleshed out and magical, but also very grounded like it's this amazing magical place that's also totally normal. Also, the characters. Having a bunch of flawed characters with baggage is always more interesting than having perfect characters with no problems and even the bit characters feel dynamic. Like they have their own story and interests rather than being part of the scenery exsisting only for the MCs to interact with.

RebelVampire

9) The thing I appreciate the most details wise is just the physical flaws. Especially Lave's scars. Adding details like that can be really tedious, yet it really helps deliver so much character that I always enjoy when the time is taken to include things like that. 10) I feel like Aishe is probably some necromancer from the past who is trying to rectify a mistake that was made. I think Aishe helped for the reason they said: Jake did a kindness and gotta pay that shit forward. I feel like Lave is 100% not going to trust aishe and basically just encourage everyone to do the same. Maybe suggest Kestral seek professional help. But yeah, I don't see a green butterfly person flying with Lave XD 11) I think this comic's strengths lie in two areas. First, the implementation of magic. There are clear rules, there's enough deviations from the standard to be interesting, and the fact its presented as a normal culture thing is well-integrated. second, the color palettes are really amazing and suit the tone and atmosphere of each scene really well. 12) I feel like Chiro might be a bit special since that one person did wonder what species Chiro was or something like that. And that because of this specialness Chiro was outcasted. Hence why he wound up with Lave cause ya know, outcasts gotta stick together. I think Chiro and Jake will bond for sure down the road. Cause i mean Chiro did just help save Jake's butt, and thats gotta earn him some Jake points right?

AshAngelV

12. I think Chiro might be a vamp that just stays in bat form or maybe only has bat form.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. What do you think Kestrel’s role will be in regards to the larger story? Can Kestral and Aishe be detached from one another, or is the attachment permanent?

AshAngelV

14. I think he'll be the guy that's in a constant state of terror and peril. And I think the detaching will be up to Aishe.

ClauseArt

man its super hard not to chime in on these ahhh D8

Delphina

Rebel makes such good questions XDD

varethane

I am looking forward to several things! - what is Jake's deal and how is he linked to aishe -Lave's bite mark scar!!!! what is it!!!!!! -what will Kest do next -more Lave plz(edited)

RebelVampire

@Delphina thank you for saying so~!

13) im looking forward to more aishe doing aishe stuff just cause i dig that aesthetic a whole lot. im also looking forward to learning more about jake so more concrete theories can be made about wtf jake's deal is. and also why nobody else could take jake besides lave cause i mean seriously...theres gotta be more sane choices XD 14) Kest is gonna become a real mage and do magic stuff. also ya know, hide out with lave cause now the ppl he owes money too are probably gonna be out for blood. as for detaching...maybe not so much. i more feel like once Aishe is done with their tasks, their essence will just kind of disappear and merge with kest.

AshAngelV

Hang in there Clause.

ClauseArt

@AshAngelV I will try D8

I can at least promise a lot of these theories are gonna be answered sooner or later

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Damsels Don’t Wear Glasses this week! Please also give a special thank you to J Alice Bown for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Damsels Don’t Wear Glasses, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

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[writinghq]

Tsukishima headcanons? Pls?? How'd he react seeing his ex again, like theyre basically soulmates but they split up because of distance/family stuffs. Thanksss

hello! well, this got really long. HAHA hope you enjoy!

TSUKISHIMA KEI

Tsukishima steps out of his apartment to be greeted by the sound of rain

He opens his umbrella, one a bit too big for one person, and he walks out on the streets

His headphones were hung on his neck, but he didn’t bother putting them on

The rain and chattering of the people around him became white noise

He silently went to the convenience store and went about his business, buying only what he needed

He stepped out and proceeded to walk home

And then he saw them

He didn’t know how he was able to see them through the crowds and the pouring rain but one more look and he knew he was right

It was ___

It had been ten years since he last saw them

It was no fairy tale how they met, but Tsukishima just knew that this was a meeting to remember

He had met his better half, and though he didn’t believe in things like that, he wouldn’t deny it if someone said that he had met his soulmate

It took Tsukishima a year to ask them out

Tsukishima was worried he was taking his precious time, but at the same time, he wanted it to be perfect

It wasn’t his thing, but he prepared the whole shabang, going as far as to prepare a suit and flowers

It pained him to, but he even asked the rest of the volleyball team to help out

___’s initial reaction made him slightly regret it, their surprise and their laugh about how unexpected it was

Nevertheless, they said yes

The couple was known for their relentless bickering with each other, but Tsukishima had never been happier

They always put a smile on his face and always brightened up whatever salty day they were having

They’d even bully the same people, having the same ideas of how to mess with someone

He had never cared for rainy days, but he started to love it when the sky poured, because he knew that they would show up at his doorstep

“Ice cream? On such a cold day?”

“Come on! It’s the best!”

After a small relay of smart remarks, ___ finally manages to drag Tsukishima out into the dampened streets

They’d share the umbrella ___ brought, and Tsukishima would always give them more space on the umbrella, even if it meant sacrificing the dryness of his shoulder

“Strawberry, again?”

Tsukishima would push back his fogged up glasses before giving them a smirk

“Chocolate, again?”

They’d give him a little smack on the shoulder and start their usual preaching about how much they love chocolate

Tsukishima would turn away to actually laugh and ___ would always wrestle with him to see it

Then they’d get a spoonful out of Tsukishima’s ice cream so that they could try to understand why he loved it so much

He’d spend an incredible amount of time planning dates, and they’d love each and every one

___ showed him a whole new perspective and made everything an adventure

The world seemed to shine with them in it

They were one of the few people he poured his heart out to, and they always knew exactly what to say that made him feel better

They’d rant to him, and though he found them absolutely adorable, he’d be listening with such intent and focus

They’d constantly complain about how their father would never shut up about what he thinks the perfect partner for them would be, and they’d reiterate everything their father had said with great detail

“And how about you?”

“What about me?”

“Who do you think the perfect person for you is?”

“The perfect person for me would be…”

They’d cup his face with both of their hands and look into his eyes

“Someone who always teases people, who’s very observant, and even though he doesn’t always show it, is very hardworking. Someone who despite their calm, salty, and mature demeanor, likes dinosaurs and strawberries way too much. Someone who gets ticked off by super bright people, and though people who put unnecessary effort tick him off, he himself does it too. Someone who can listen to me talk for hours on no end, goes along with all my crazy antics, keeps me in check, and loves me no matter what. And this perfectly imperfect person is the one I know is the one of for me.”

They’d plant a gentle kiss on his lips and Tsukishima would smile

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The next day would be a rainy one, and as expected, ___ was at his doorstep

“I have a present for you.”

Tsukishima would say a line expressing excitement, but in the most monotonous way possible and ___ would be ready with a retort

They then pull out an umbrella from behind them

“For you!”

Tsukishima would step out and open the umbrella

His eyes would widen at his surprise to how big it was

He’d then hold it above him

“Well, this is humongous.”

“It’s for the both of us!”

They’d then step under the umbrella beside him, it’s width perfect for the both of them

“Lead the way, Kei!”

Tsukishima would shake his head and then look at them

“To the ice cream parlor?”

“Good, you’re learning.”

He’d roll his eyes at them before they’d both head to their destination

Funny enough, even though it was a gift for Tsukishima, they’d take the umbrella home with them

“I always come with the rain anyway, so you don’t need to worry about getting soaked.”

Their relationship was a happy one, and it continued that way all the way up to graduation season

One rainy day, after graduation, they didn’t show up on his doorstep

The rain continued until the next day, but still no ___

That evening, the doorbell rings, and Tsukishima rushes to the door

There they were, standing in front of him with that stupidly big umbrella

“Can I stay with you tonight?”

Their eyes were red and swollen, evident that they had been crying

They were still glassy

Something inside Tsukishima just breaks, and he rushes to them bringing them to a hug

“Wow, this is new.”

“Are you alright?”

“What are you talking about I’m fine—“

“Shut up. It’s okay to cry when you want to.”

“I told you I’m—“

At that moment, they burst into tears, crying into Tsukishima’s chest

He brings them inside, and they cry for a bit more

Once they calm down, they explain to Tsukishima their situation

“I have something to tell you.”

“What is it?”

They explain how their family wanted them to study overseas, how they knew it was such a grand opportunity but they just didn’t want to go, how they wanted to stay with him, how they were so afraid to tell him this whole time, how they had to leave just the next day

“If I go…”

If. There was still a way for them to stay

Stay with him

He had ideas on how to still make it work when they went away, but this wasn’t someone he wanted to let go

“Would you still love me?”

“Of course.”

There was no doubt in his voice

Tears start to flow from ___’s eyes

“I don’t know when I’ll be able to communicate with you.”

“It’s okay.”

“I don’t know when I’ll be able to come back.”

“I’ll wait.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be handle holding on to you from so far away.”

Tsukishima knew exactly what to say, what ___ needed to hear, what they wanted to hear

For the rest of the night, they talked, ate, and laughed

They spent it like they would any other night, but at the same time there was that inkling feeling that it would be the last

The sight of them lying in his arms was the last thing he saw before going to sleep

The following morning when he woke up, the sun was out, the birds were chirping, and ___ was gone

They had stayed up together so late that Tsukishima wasn’t able to get up the usual time he did

His alarm clock was even switched off

Everything in his room was so still, perfectly in its rightful place

He bolted up and ran out the door, not even bothering to change out of his sleepwear

He dashed to their house

He had never run so fast in his life, he was out of breath, but he couldn’t allow himself to stop

He finally arrived, but they had already left

He couldn’t even say a proper goodbye

Something in him still had hoped that there was the possibility that they would stay

But they were gone, and his heart just couldn’t accept this truth

He slowly walks back home, his energy completely lost

There on his doorstep, he sees their umbrella

An unspoken notion that they no longer would come with the rain

He waited for days, weeks, months, and no word from ___ at all

He had sent countless messages, called hundreds of times, but they wouldn’t answer, they wouldn’t pick up

Tsukishima had just lost a part of his heart

The world to Tsukishima had dulled without them

He stayed in a state of nothingness for awhile

He would make the same smart remarks, give the same smirks, but everyone knew that it wasn’t the same

He wasn’t type to mope around over a lost lover

But this was ___

It was different

Eventually, he had to pick himself up and go to college

Though he hates to admit it, his friends and teammates helped him get on with life again

It took a few years, but he was able to put them in the back of his memory, putting his mind into other things

But now there they were, standing across the streets on this rainy day

—

Tsukishima quickly turns around and quickens his pace

He was going against the main flow of people, but he dodged his way through the crowds, just to catch up to them

He bumps a few shoulders, muttering apologies

He quickly faces forward to make sure they were there, that they weren’t going to disappear this time

He finally makes it through the crowd, into an open pace, and he runs

The splashing water underneath his feet didn’t bother him, he had never run so fast in his life

He finally reaches where they are, and he catches his breath for a moment

He looks ahead, straight to them

They were standing at the other end of this road, on the sidewalk on the other side, all he had to do was cross

At that moment, someone walks up behind ___ and taps them on the shoulder

___ turns around and gives them a smile that Tsukishima had originally thought was his alone

Tsukishima couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe

There with ___ was what seemed to be the “perfect person”

Not their version, but the way they looked together fit so painfully well

They close the umbrella they were using and walk away with their partner, hand in hand

Small water droplets fall out of their partner’s umbrella and onto his shoulder

The last thing he sees is their laugh before the both disappear into the blur of the rain

Tsukishima takes in the sight and his heart drops

His usual mask breaks, and even he wasn’t aware of what expression he had on anymore

It ached so much

How could a love from ten years ago still hurt this way?

The sound of the rain was no longer white noise, but his way of trying to shut out the pain

His eyes start to burn

“Tch! Stupid, you can’t cry.”

He turns around, the space under his huge umbrella feeling emptier than usual, and he walks home in silence

—

___ was happy, or at least they should be

Their father’s version of the perfect person was standing with them, his hand intertwined in theirs, so this must mean that their father was right

But they could never let go of that feeling that something was missing, that this wasn’t the hand they should be holding

This space underneath their shared umbrella was tight, restricting

How they wished for a bigger one

They laugh with their partner, hiding the regrets they had been living with ever since they had left this place

This partner of theirs was so perfect, that they felt they had to be just as perfect for them too

But it wasn’t themselves

It had been years since they had come back, and the memories of their perfectly imperfect love were coming back like floodwaters

They even thought they saw him across the street earlier

An illusion, they thought to themselves

There was no way Tsukishima would be here, and it was even more unlikely that he’d want to see their face

They thought they saw him looking their way, thought they saw his expression shatter into one of a pain that mirrored their very own

They didn’t want to feel that pain, didn’t want to see that look on his face

That’s why they left the way they did

But it still hurt, even more so than they thought it would

Would it have hurt less if they had chosen to stay in contact with him instead?

They were too afraid to find out

Nevertheless, they had chosen to live a life without Tsukishima, and they convinced themselves that they didn’t deserve otherwise

They enter an ice cream parlor, a new one, one without any memories attached

Yet it reminded them so much of the other one

“Chocolate?”

___ blinks at the question, their thoughts being brought back

“Strawberry.”

“Strawberry? But you always get chocolate.”

“I don’t know.”

They turn to look at the rain before looking back at their perfect person

“I feel like eating strawberry ice cream today.”

[readfelice-blog]

moominland chronicles dreizehn :: copycat

Its Friday, im on an u bahn, but it's sunday for you and who knows where you are..

There's a lot of babies on this u bahn, im counting about 6 right now, baby bahn: maybe there's some baby convention in wedding.

Quick round up: i'm still a girl from hackney (via suffolk) who says no, I've been grappling with my camel toe this week, singing sad songs, playing like a child on a xylophone (except insert midi on ableton here), not listening to much other than myself, it's a big gushing flow of creativity that surrounds me in this little yellow house, i dont think ive really given pause to being lonely.

It's all happening.

So lets back track a bit because right now i am compelled to readdress this copying thing, one of my favourite tweeters this week called out kanye west for lifting a design he created some years back, its right to name and shame, so good on him. He was small fry when he made the thing that someone else stole, still bigger than teeny weeny me, but not the tweeting guru /design wizard to music's brightest stars, that he is now.

It’s the most wholesome wonderful, transcendent thing, making stuff, for yourself and for the world, tapping into certain disciplines to funnel thoughts, feelings and the energy that surrounds you. I wouldn’t have myself any other way, I’m assuming aforementioned tweeter is probably the same. But there is this underlying paranoia and anxiety involved in the process, for me anyway, as previously stated: this irrational fear that you’ll be consumed by someone hungrier and at a higher advantage. I hate the deep ocean now, post mermaid project, but this whole conundrum draws me back to that place, to marine snow, a concoction of dead animals / shit / ‘organic matter’ that continuously falls and sustains the ungodly freaks that live below it. That’s the natural world, that’s life.

You see I have really good ideas, there's no shame in knowing this, I can tell when theyre good because I start to tingle in my mind and then the tingling soniferously journeys across my body, its a drug of its own kind. But that high is short lived, its only when you make it a reality that the truly ecstatic pulses start to shoot through you, and to get that done frequently means a drawn out and meticulous process of invention.

I can see the influence i bestow on others, it used to be exciting and life affirming, but then things started taking longer to compose and thats when it became more of a burden, I’m not yet at a point where im synonymous with my work, there's still room for someone to rock into my life, unwittingly lift all my influences, cobble together a creative endeavour that feeds off of mine and then get recognised for it. Thereby i become the one shadowing them and then I fade into the ether, because no one wants the leftovers.

But it has dawned on me that this bleak and resolute ending to my artistic life might not have to be the catastrophe it so viciously insinuates itself to be. Maybe I can premier a facet of an idea earlier, maybe it will mean others might follow, though I bloody hope they won’t, but maybe it won’t mean that when in November Bocem Acht Ocho is ready for the world, it will not be swept aside by waves of mimickers, maybe I’m being a bit to paranoid and just need to calm down. I can’t just give birth to and store up all these big plans in this little house and not let them free. This little yellow house will become a zoo, I’m not a trained zookeeper, it’s just not sensible.

When one idea is set free another grows.. I have had more than one good idea since birth, some of them have not been properly attended to, that film i made in the basement is currently languishing on a hard drive stowed away in the moons cupboard in london  /  there's the gorgeously detailed illustrations of wild shows that have never seen the light of day / i have a bric a brac shop of concepts just stewing away in my brain cupboard. It took darren aronofsky nearly 10 years to get black swan made, the sagrada familia is still being built 136 years after it was started, Brahms first symphony took over 20 years to create, there's still time.

Because its not just the idea, its my mind that is the precious entity in this scenario, which these days in Berlin is totally free and unrestrained by societal norms. I’m allowed to be a weirdo now, because nearly everyone else is as well.

And you know what, I am almost certainly derivative myself, because we live in a time where the anals of what has come before us are vast and spread thickly like butter on warm bread: across the channels of information we spend a large portion of our days on. I’m copying other people, inadvertently, I call it signs rather than the c word, but I’ve stood with myself in my little yellow bathroom this week gazing at my reflection and leafed through aspects of my current state that might be borrowed, polished and given light in a different way > there are several. Though i work intuitively our unconscious is a vast web of entertained moments we draw from, even to the point where i dont realise I've previously ingested something because I wasnt paying it full attention at the time, but it got stored anyway.

So this project has a dual aspect, because the way im delivering it is going to correlate with a technique I’m also using to upend how im being treated as a cleaner. This incorporates actively marrying all the strands in my life together: to find a better path in terms of reimbursement and security. As technically I’m still an impoverished cleaner, i need money; so I’m doing the cleaning rerouting before I release my publication and album.

I just have to do it, let it free , and recline and say to myself, fuck it, the power at the heart of what I’m making lies in its authenticity, in the quality of the delivery and content of the delivered objects. If someone else copies me and both of us manage to lift ourselves out of the cycle of servitude, maybe that's not such a bad thing.

It's the circle of life, it's something I’ll probably be jousting with for the rest of my days, so better get used to it I guess.

Big Fish

Little Fish

Cardboard Box

Righty, off to clean a house full of paintings now, then laugh at myself on ableton, best to keep it light and bright. Don't take things to seriously.

Righty part zwei, I’m editing this on Sunday, I’m flying to Paris tomorrow morning, but laughing at myself on ableton still beckons.

Big Fish

Little Fish

Cardboard Box

[musherum]

long post -/ cael talks about her new asthma medication and recent Realizations

honestly? im noticing a lot of improvement since i started the new medication. its a corticosteroid, which is a kind of drug that is exclusively for treating constrictive asthma. there are two different types of asthma, see: theres inflammatory, which responds well to treatment with ventalin, the most common inhaler which provides immediate, “emergency” relief when you have an attack of inflammatory asthma, and theres constrictive, which doesnt respond to it at all. this was the “missing link” i was looking for. i didnt know about the medication requirements for that form of asthma until a few days ago when i had a major attack of constrictive asthma.

it.... took me a lot to finally say to my mum “i need to go to a doctor. i am having a lot of trouble breathing, and i cannot function. i know this cannot be normal.” it took even more, though, to say to her that i needed to stay home that day, and miss the GED class im taking - even though the day before was the first session. my mom has screamed at me and called me a failure and an idiot before, when she caught me skipping school because of depression and fatigue. that was a very very big step for me, facing my fear of my mom yelling at me again. but i could not focus on anything, not with how laboured my breathing was. it was the frustration of not being able to sleep that finally pushed me over the edge - while i was up all night with my then untreated and untreatable asthma attack, i 

i told her my symptoms, and then explained to her my, uh, “theory” that i had a form of asthma that didnt respond to ventalin. i got the name wrong (i mixed up constrictive and inflammatory), but otherwise, i got it entirely correct. i was so scared that she might brush me off, like what had happened before with so many people when i was younger. it had even happened with other doctors. but, fortunatley, she quickly agreed with me that it appears i need a corticosteroid as well as my ventalin to treat my symptoms.

i didnt know, before very recently, that ventalin is exclusively for inflammatory asthma, or that constrictive asthma requires cordicosteroids to treat. all along, i thought i was just being lazy, or dumb, or panicking, or lying, or a that i just didnt care. because people have said things like this to me. all throughout my life. i would say, “i cannot breathe,” and they would say, “take your emergency (ventalin) puffer.” so i would. and when i said i still didnt feel better, after i took my ventalin puffer in front of them, they stopped believing it could be asthma. older people, the ones who were supposed to take care of kids when theyre hurting, were the MOST dissmissive of my complaints. because they thought they knew everything about what asthma was. better than a kid who had it.

i thought that whatever it was, it couldnt be asthma, because so many older people told me so. no one ever told me that constrictory asthma needed a different additional medication. no one told me that i needed it. everyone said that asthma could just be treated with a ventalin inhaler, period, and that if i was so out of breath, i should just use mine. and i did. and itd didnt work. so i figured... i must not have asthma. because surely an adult knows better than i do, right?

as i grew up, my memories faded as memories do - but none so much as that of the visit to the doctors when i was first diagnosed. i can remember only a precious handful of details now; a diagram that depicted the inside of the lungs, shown with one having its air-tubes contracted tightly, and the other clogged up with mucus. i forgot about it because i was full of self loathing, i feel like, at least in part - its much harder to control your emotions when you dont have enough oxygen to normally power your brain, and the bullying i withstood, while not violent, was very frequent. i was very much not a “popular kid,” ill leave it there. a lot of people hated me. and a lot of people only pretended to like me, and i wasnt able to tell they were laughing at me. when you have shit like that on your mind constantly, and youre oxygen starved??? you tend to be a little, uh, distracted. im not surprised that i dont remember it well. but i wish i did. all i know for sure is that at the end of the day, i had a ventalin puffer, and that was it. i think there may have been a misunderstanding - when the doctor said that the cortisol (the most common, brand-name corticosteroid) is for long-term relief and the ventalin is for emergencies, my mom might have thought something along the lines of, “my child had an asthma attack, and it was an emergency. therefore ventalin is what we need, not cortisol.” but again, i dont know that for sure, and i dont want to throw anyone under the bus. it may have been that, or it may not have been. but i feel that my mom likely wouldnt remember if i asked her - taking ME to a doctors appointment wouldnt rank very high on her “important life moments” list, i suspect.

and so as i grew up, again, i had ventalin, but i very rarely remember having cortisol around, let alone taking it. uh, sorry i mean, corticosteroids. anyway, um... i think i was depressed then, even as a kid. my mom did not impress the importance of the medicine on me - she said it wasnt a that big a deal, that i only need to take it “sometimes.” and so when i ran out, i figured i didnt have to rush to tell her. and, of course, i didnt have the energy to take it every day - couldnt breath. in fact, because it required me to wash my mouth out through after taking it every morning and night, it was significantly more difficult to take the medicine that treated my constrictive asthma. and again, i did not have energy to let me do what i knew i was supposed to. and i did not know that just taking the corticosteroid regularly would help me get my energy back, because no one ever told me that my energy had... WENT anywhere. they didnt mention it being a part of the disease, so i assumed to was unrelated. i didnt know the science behind it back then, i was a little kid! and so it was that every time i had a flair-up, people kept telling me to use my ventalin inhaler, the one thats for “emergencies,” if i really felt so bad. and so.... i would. and the ventalin would not ease my constricted lungs, because its intended for inflammation. and when i tried to tell them it wasnt working, people would start telling me it wasnt asthma, and that it had to be something else - something that i was fucking up. and i believed them. i believed what they told me. because i thought that adults were supposed to be smart, and know more than kids, and that they were supposed to protect me when i said i was hurting. i thought they were supposed to help children when theyre hurting. and so all along, i believed them, cause why would they lie to me? they must know what theyre talking about. adults know more than kids, they never shut up about it, i probably thought. and... so i started to really internalize the idea that it was my fault. that i was always so tired, and forgetful, and weak, and exhausted, and out of breath, and bad at talking, and bad at concentrating, and bad in school, and bad at everything... because i was just a bad person. i even thought it was my fault that my hands wouldnt stop shaking - no matter how much i drew. my lines were always crooked and bent. so because i never knew that cortisol was the medicine i needed the most, i was never ABLE to stop my hands from shaking, no matter how hard i tried and how much i practiced drawing. so i assumed i was just a naturally shitty artist, and began to resign myself to a life of never being able to create something beautiful. no matter how much i practiced drawing.

all of it was because of my constrictive asthma - either because of too little air being able to penetrate my lungs and oxygenate my body and bloodstream, or because of the sharp, sudden and literally dizzying rips of air that i had to suck in just to breath at all.

all these years of hating myself have been perpetuated so needlessly, all because people assumed they knew better than a kid. even when the kid tells you “he” (really she, im talking about me as a kid after all) has a disease and that “he” (again, she) cant breathe and that “he” (SHE) has tried what you are suggesting and it does ever work. even if that kid is literally telling them, “it is my disease that is causing this.”

because people brushed me off, and put me down, even when i was telling them that i couldnt breath. even when i tried to explain to them that i felt like i was being slowly suffocated, by an invisble hand squeezing the air out of my chest. because thats what it DOES feel like.

...fuck, man. that was fucked up.

[scripts4dreamers]

Goddesses

AN: the reader is a grounder who was captured by the ice nation and tortured, but the commander isn't willing to let you go, not you. Characters: Queen Nia, Commander Lexa Pairings: Lexa x reader  Spoilers: none Warnings: none

Prompt: “Hey i was hoping maybe you could do an imagine if they arent closed? If theyre open i was hoping for something along the lines of a lexa x reader where the reader had been captured and tortured by azgeda but after lexa had gotten her back?” 

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The pain you felt was unimaginable, like nothing you'd ever experienced but, as one of the Azgeda Warriors dug the tip of his blade deeper and deeper into your skin, you pulled against the chains that were holding you up, bit down on the back of your jaw and refused to scream. Your body was a wreck, one part burns, two parts bruises and three parts cuts and you knew, deep down, that this would be the place where you died. Alone, far from your home, far from your people, and far from your commander. The memories of your last free day swam before your eyes. You remembered the sun on your face, the steady movement of your horse under you, the laughter and jokes passing between yourself and the other guards, and Lexa’s smile, warm and easy. 

It had been a difficult year for your clan, with Azgeda kicking up a fuss at every opportunity they had everyone had been on edge. This trip was supposed to mark the end of that, Azgeda had officially joined the coalition so now, everything was supposed to go back to normal. Your people would finally have peace. 

Of course, that's not what had happened. Two days into your journey back from Polis you'd been attacked and you'd thrown yourself in front of Lexa, screaming at the guards to get themselves and the commander back to safety. You'd let yourself be captured and, in doing that, you'd given the rest of the guard time to get Lexa to safety. Although the attackers had been unmarked, you knew they were Azgeda. Queen Nia had seen her opportunity to derail Lexa once more, and she'd taken it. 

That trip was four days ago. Despite the torture, you couldn't get yourself to regret your decision, as the head of the Commander’s security detail, You'd done your job, you'd protected Lexa and because of that, the good work she was doing could continue. Not that that thought eased the pain. 

The door to your prison opened wide, letting in a burst of ice-cold air that momentarily shocked your system and soothed your aching body. A menacing silhouette stormed in, her crown and fur coat making her seem more monster than woman; Queen Nia, your captor. Despite yourself, you felt your heart stutter. 

“Anything?” She demanded, barking at your guard. 

He shook his head, bowing before his queen, “Nothing yet your highness. She's been trained well.” 

The queen made a noise of displeasure and grabbed your jaw, forcing you to meet her cold clinical stare. She scanned your face, as though searching for signs of weakness in your eyes. 

“Of course she was. Do you think Trikru would let a novice guard their precious commander?” Nia asked, her lip curling. The guard shuffled, and you tried no to wince as Nia pressed her fingers into your jaw harder and harder. “Well?” She snapped, “You obviously have something to say, so out with it.” 

The guard flinched, and you felt a sick sense of satisfaction at seeing his discomfort. “I mean no offense, my queen, but if she won't give up information, why bother taking her?” 

Nia cocked her head to the side, still studying you, as you imagined stabbing your knife into her skull, again and again and again. 

“She belongs to Lexa,” Nia said, “by taking her, we are giving Lexa the opportunity to ruin herself, and her precious little coalition.” She explained, “Soon enough Lexa will come back to Azgeda to attack me, and the whole thing will crumble; all so she can save this little thing.” 

Nia released your jaw and moved to discuss something with your guard. 

As you processed her words, you felt something bubble up in your chest unexpectedly; laughter. It burst out of you like a tidal wave, echoing across the stone room. The queen turned back to you, something like rage flickering across her face. 

“You’re-you're insane.” You told her through your laughter, “You're completely insane.” 

“Oh?” Nia responded, her voice dangerously calm, “And what makes you think that?” 

You shook your head, your body still shaking with fits of chuckles, “Lexa won't come looking for me. Your plan is intrinsically flawed.” 

The queen’s lip curled into a cruel sneer, “Oh but she will. I know she will, she won't be able to help herself.” 

“You're wrong.” You insisted. 

“I'm not. Lexa will come to my keep, she will demand to see you, she will kill many of my people in her rage and then, when I, like the gracious queen I am, allow her to search my castle, she will find nothing.” Nia assured you, her sneer still in place. 

You felt something like ice flood your veins. It had never occurred to you that you weren't in queen Nia’s palace but, it made a sick kind of sense. Her advisors will never let her do anything so foolish, you reminded yourself, she won't come looking for you. You will die here. You felt your body relax. You shook your head again, 

“You're wrong.” You whispered again. 

“We’ll see.” Nia responded. She looked to your guard as she walked away and simply said, “Break her.” 

 And you felt death touch your shoulder. 

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The day passed in a haze of pain and exhaustion and, after your voice was hoarse from screaming, you let your mind wonder, clinging to the memories of your home; of brown hair and flashing green eyes. On a normal day, you would’ve shaken your head and forced your thoughts away from Lexa, reminding yourself that she was your commander and that these thoughts were inappropriate but you were going to die, there could be no harm in it now. 

So you let yourself imagine that you were home with her, that you were together, holding one another. It was a beautiful thought. As day turned to night, you became aware of the fact that you were singing. Nothing special, just nonsense songs from your childhood, ones that your mother had sung to you to help you sleep. Somehow, it helped. 

You knew that you were dying. The combination of bleeding, beating and lack of food and water was sapping the strength from your body, and you knew that it wouldn't hold up for much longer. You felt woozy, everything was fuzzy and thick, you thought that you'd heard noises, but you flicked the thought away. Your eyelids felt heavy, and you barely noticed as the thick door burst open as people came rushing in. Everything felt like a dream, and you smiled in a dopey fashion as one of the new members ran his sword through your guard. A familiar voice barked your name, and you vaguely felt as someone pressed their hands to your skin. You smiled at the person as her eyes seared into yours and, as you slipped out of consciousness, their greenness stuck with you. 

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Eventually, it was the coolness that woke you, the feeling of someone pressing a damp cloth to your forehead. Your eyes fluttered open and your first instinct was to frown. The surface above you didn't look like stone, in fact it looked rather like… You sat up, ignoring the wave of dizziness that flooded through you and the way your body screamed for you to lie back down. The healer beside you jumped back, obviously terrified, but she looked familiar. 

“You shouldn't be moving so soon,” an even more familiar voice called, sending shivers down your spine, “you're hurt. Take it slow.” Lexa’s eyes clung to yours as she leant against the doorframe, “You're home, you can relax.” 

Your body began to shake as Lexa’s voice flooded over you like a blanket of comfort and, to your horror, you whimpered and tears started to leak from the corners of your eyes. You hadn't cried since you were a child, and it horrified you to think that Lexa was seeing you be so weak. You braced yourself against the cutting comment that you were expecting, that you had heard Lexa make to others over the years, but it never came. Just as you broke down, Lexa dismissed the healer and rushed to your side, sitting down on your bed and pulling you against her chest. 

“Shh, it's okay.” Lexa whispered, stroking her fingers through your hair comfortingly, her voice oddly strained, “It's okay my brave warrior, you're safe, you're safe, I've got you.” 

You sobbed for what felt like hours, caught somewhere between relief, confusion and fear and tried to ignore how amazing it felt to be close to Lexa like this. She whispered comforting words into your ear, keeping you close and promising that you were safe with her. Eventually, you ran out of tears and just sat with your commander, your head nuzzled between Lexa’s shoulder and neck, trying to find a patch of solid ground to keep you from drowning. Everything about this was wrong. You should be dead, you should be, why aren't you dead? And was Lexa’s arm really around you? Was she really stroking your hair and squeezing your shoulder? You nuzzled into Lexa’s skin, breathing in her scent. 

She stiffened beneath you and you suddenly realized how many lines you'd crossed in the he past hour. You flushed with guilt and sat up picking up the cooling pack that the healer had dropped and pressing it to your split lip, avoiding meeting Lexa’s eyes as you leant back against the bed’s headboard. 

“I'm sorry Heda,” you said, your voice raspy and hoarse, “that was inappropriate. I shouldn't have let my emotions get the best of me.” 

Lexa reached out, as though she was about to touch you, but stopped and instead just looked at you, as though she was drinking you in. Her eyes were tinged with red, as though she'd been crying, it made something in your chest flutter. 

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked, her voice still strained. 

You nodded, which felt like a lie, because you were very much not okay, but you never could bring yourself to worry Lexa. From the look she gave you, it didn't seem like she'd bought it. Lexa gestured at your torso, which you were cradling with your arm. 

“Can I-would it be okay if I checked that?” Lexa stuttered, sounding unsure. 

This shook you, because you were pretty sure Lexa had never been unsure about anything in her life. It almost made you smile. Almost. If your face hadn't been flushing at the idea of Lex seeing your mottled skin that is. Despite that, the idea of having Lexa’s hands on you again was far too tempting, and you nodded. Slowly, Lexa reached out and lifted the hem of your shirt. Unable to bare the horrified look that you were sure would be on her face, you shut your eyes. You heard a soft whimper, a strangled little cry that made you open them again. Lexa’s face was pulled tight, her eyes welling up with tears and you noticed, with a sense of shock, that her hands were shaking. She looked so lost, so frightened, so helpless; it made you feel sick with guilt, but it also made you feel remarkably more calm. In all your years working with Lexa, you'd never seen her look so young. 

Suddenly, you remembered the discussion you'd had with Nia, how sure she'd been that Lexa would come looking for you, and she'd been right. Despite the risks, despite how stupid it was, she'd saved you. You dropped your hands to cover Lexa’s making her look up. 

“It's okay.” You told her, forcing yourself to sit up, wincing at the pain, “I'll heal. I always do.” Lexa nodded, but she didn't look any less frightened. “Lexa,” you asked quietly, “why did you rescue me?” 

Her head shot up, “What?” 

You blushed, but held her gaze, “Why did you rescue me? You could've-you could've ruined everything. Why?” 

Lexa’s mouth opened and shut again, and you watched the cogs in her head spin. “Y/N, I-it's you,” she explained lamely, “how could you think that I-“ she petered off. 

“I'm just a guard Lexa, I'm expendable, you're not. You should've let me die.” 

Lexa shook her head, suddenly clasping your hands firmly, “No, no you're not expendable Y/N. You're-I couldn't let you go! I wanted to go looking for you the second they took you, but they wouldn't let me. Gods above Y/N I was so scared. I couldn't lose you, not the way I lost Costia. Do you understand that? I couldn't lose you.” 

You were shocked, and something in you lit up like a fire. Things felt, different, somehow, and you leant forward, cupping Lexa’s cheek with your hand to calm her down. 

“Shh, it's okay, I'm okay.” You promised, “But Lexa, you can't just risk the coalition for a subject, I'm not worth that. What would've happened if you'd stormed Nia’s palace hmm? What then?” 

A flicker of anger ran through Lexa’s eyes, but she leant into your hand as though it was anchoring her, “I would've torn it down brick by brick, and then burnt down the whole of Azgeda to find you.” She said, her voice stable and completely even and you shivered under its intensity. 

You believed her. 

“Lexa,” you started, your voice breaking, “please-“ 

“What Y/N? Are you in pain? What do you need, just tell me and I'll get it.” 

“I want to know why you're doing all of this for me.” You admitted, your chest aching. 

The commander was suddenly very still, as though you'd sucked all the air from her lungs and she wasn't sure how to move forward. You waited for Lexa to answer, your heart pumping in your chest at a million miles per hour. She said nothing. 

 “Lexa, please, tell me what's going on.” You asked, a note of pleading in your voice. 

The next thing you registered were Lexa’s lips on yours and her hands tangled in your hair. Every single cell in your body was burning as you kissed back, your head spinning at the realization that the woman of your dreams was kissing you, her body flush against yours. How could this be happening? You thought of pulling away, but Lexa kept you close, whimpering every time your lips left her's for even a second. Oh Gods above, this was happening. You practically vibrated with happiness because this, this felt right. This explained so much, this was everything you'd ever wanted. As your confidence grew, you bit down on Lexa’s bottom lip, drawing a guttural moan from the woman that did something sinful to you. She pulled you onto her lap, murmuring praises into the skin of your neck, her lips lighting you up and filling you with need. Lexa squeezed your waist, and white hot pain shot through your body, making you cry out. 

Lexa instantly pulled away, her brow creased with worry, “What's wrong Hebe, did I hurt you?” 

“Yeah, but it's alright I-wait, what did you call me?” You asked, giving Lexa a surprised but not unhappy smile.  

The commander blushed, but kept your gaze as she sat up and pressed gentle kisses to the skin of your jaw. This wasn't frenzied, filled with need and desire like before, it was soft and tender, as though Lexa were worshipping your skin instead of just kissing it. You'd never imagined Lexa like this, so passionate and open and vulnerable, like it physically hurt her to keep her hands off of you. 

“Hebe.” She repeated, her voice warm and smooth as syrup, “The Goddess of ever-lasting youth and beauty, mistress of elegance and charm.” You chuckled, and she continued, “I saw you in the market and, God, you just looked so beautiful, I had to know who you were. I asked everyone, but no one, no one knew your name.” Lexa told you, sounding frustrated about that even now, “So I just kept calling you Hebe, and iI thought that that would be the end of it, but then one day you walked into my throne room, all decked up in your guard’s gear and I just,” she sighed into your neck as you started running your fingers through her hair, “God I wanted you so badly, and it didn't help that you were always so goddamn oblivious.” She sounded absolutely wrecked, like you were pulling her apart piece by piece, “And then I got to know you, and it just got so much worse because you're so funny, and sweet and adorable and strong and it was like a virus and I just couldn't stop thinking about you. Everyday I just wanted to see you and spend time with you but I couldn't, and then you were gone and Nia was going to take you from me and I couldn't have that-I couldn't lose you because I just love you so much and-“ she froze, as though suddenly the flood of unstructured words that had been pouring out of her mouth had dried up. 

Your answering smile was radiant and you pulled Lexa in for a heart-breakingly tender kiss, pouring years and years of silent pining into it in the hopes that, if you could just kiss her hard enough, you could stop time and just live in this moment forever. 

“I love you too.” You admitted, “I never thought you could ever-“ 

“What? Love you?” Lexa asked incredulously, “Y/N, it's you, who else could I ever-? There could never be anyone else.” 

You pressed your forehead against hers, relishing in the feeling of being together. Lexa sighed, her body relaxing into yours like they were made for each other. 

“I love you so much Y/N.” She told you, “I swear to you, I'll never let anyone hurt you ever again.” 

“I'm the head of your guard Lexa, that's not possible. My job is to get hurt so that you don't have to.” 

Lexa smirked, “Looks like I'll just have to work harder for peace then.” She said, “Because I've just gotten started with you Hebe, and I'm not ready to lose you yet.”