#besides my art tag is using my wrong name cause I’ve had this tumblr

[muuurder]

The way I keep thinking about how I need to make a side blog for art so if people want to actually look at it it’s not like…….you know. Hell.

Cause when I say my blog is a void i mean it. I see posts and go “yeah I’ll reblog that shit.” And it goes there. We got a tag system sure

Not much else.

It’s like the AO3 tag no beta we die like men

But for tumblr dot com

[changebydjo]

IMPORTANT - PLEASE READ

 so i’ve put off writing this for a long, long time, and it’ll be painful for me to make this post but at this point i feel like it needs to be done. someone within the liz fandom has been lying, gaslighting and manipulating me as well as many others, both online and offline, and after getting proof on everything (plus their lack of remorse) has prompted me to write this.

this is about gil perez, aka @unrated-g, and one of his irl friends, kim @kimbus-the-whimbus, to a lesser extent, but mostly gil. since 2016 - nearly 5 years now - he’s been lying that he’s best friends with liz gillies. i’m gonna put a read more because it’s a long, insane, and ridiculous thing that happened, but please read all of it and know how serious this is, as well as all the damage this man has done.

​

i met gil through tumblr in 2018 - he had been replying my posts since before that, but early 2018 is when i followed him and started chatting with him casually. over time, i noticed that he would reblog posts about liz and in the tags he would seem to be talking to her or referencing her, but not by her name - instead he would call her “goblin”. he would mention things that “goblin” liked or behind the scenes on dynasty stuff, and after a few weeks of noticing this and chatting with him about dynasty/liz, i ended up asking him if he was friends with liz/knew her personally because of the way he spoke about her. he confirmed to me that he knew her, she was one of his best friends, and he “didn’t expect” anyone to pick up on it. he told me to keep it private and i agreed, obviously, because i had no reason to not trust him, and i know that liz values her privacy.

it’s important to note that liz does NOT follow him or any of his accounts from her verified twitter or instagram accounts - instead, he said she had an “extremely private” encrypted tumblr account that could only be seen by people she follows/white listed. he was one of them. her blog would not show up for anyone else, and they met through tumblr in 2016 (even though he said she followed him back in 2010 and he didn’t realize until 6 years later) through their mutual love for uncharted, and bonded over playing uncharted 4 multiplayer together. it’s also important to note that liz has had 2 tumblr accounts since 2010, both of which she has abandoned, and he said that her private tumblr is separate from those two. she also was friends with him (according to him) through PSN, where they would play ps4 games together, and all of his text convos with her are from that app:

(^ “liz’s” PSN account)

throughout all of 2018, we would text on a regular basis and started becoming good friends. he was extremely kind, always willing to be there for me, and listened to me about not only fandom stuff but also my irl problems. he also became friends with my friend group, who were also in the liz fandom, and it was really nice for a while. in october of 2018, gil said he went to HHN with liz and matt in LA, and for xmas of 2018, he said he spent it with liz - both in LA and in NJ, which is what she typically does to spend her holidays with her family and friends. her pale blue eyes cover was also for him, according to gil, because he asked for her to cover it specifically and she did just for him.

gil would also occasionally stream for friends, and sometimes liz would show up:

beginning of 2019 is when gil and i started getting much closer - we started playing games together (mostly mario kart, at the beginning) and talking through voice chat. he would talk about liz and personal things about her/her life or dynasty, and he always willingly supplied that information himself - i never asked for it, i wasn’t friends with him to get information on liz or have an “in” with her. chatting with him made me feel good and happy and important to him, and i realized i started having feelings for him - which i told him about in april 2019. he said he wasn’t sure exactly how he felt but he thought he might feel the same, the only really complicated part (besides the fact that this was long distance/not irl) was that he also had a really deep crush on liz, someone who was his best friend/ultimate celeb crush. he was really like in love with her, even though he said he tried to suppress it. anyways, after me admitting that to him, our friendship started to develop into something more. we weren’t ever in an official relationship, but things were definitely not strictly platonic with us. we went from chatting once every week or two to almost every single night for 3-6 hours per night for MONTHS. throughout that time, our relationship became sexual, too, and my feelings for him just continued to get deeper and deeper.

this continues throughout the rest of 2019, and then new years 2020, everything just...goes to shit asap. gil got really distant with me with no explanation, i felt like all the affection he was showing me and the kind things he would say to me, as well as our bonding time when we would chat together, was just ripped away unexpectedly. i constantly asked what was wrong and what was happening, and told him how i feel, and i got no real response besides just being tired/non-sociable, etc. (which, for the record, is completely understandable, but it was such a huge 180 in behavior that it worried me and things never went back to normal after that). in addition to that, kim (who was mentioned at the beginning of this post) is one of his best friends irl, as well as his on again/off again ex (according to him). anyways, there were posts that she had made that indicated to them not being exes and instead still together - or at the very least not platonic - which crushed me when i found out, because until that point i had no reason not to trust him. i told him about it though, and how it hurt me because my feelings were so deep for him at that point i felt that i loved him, and he told me they weren’t together. this isn’t really necessary for the liz stuff of this post, but it’s important for context for how hurt and on edge i was already feeling before things got worse.

we would still chat maybe a few times a week, but nothing like it used to be, and i was happy we would even chat at all, even though things felt so weird and different and off, and no matter what i did, i couldn’t fix it. as 2020 started going on, and this continued, his friendship with liz started making me feel extremely uncomfortable. knowing that he had the weird boundaries with his ex, plus whatever was going on with me and him, AND that he was in love with liz?? it was unsettling. i felt like i couldn’t compare, because it’s *liz gillies*, someone i obviously love and idolize and look up to. and she was up on a pedestal for him, even though he said that he never tried to treat liz differently than his other close friends just bc of who she was, but that wasn’t true. anything that she said or did, he agreed with 100%, and would defend it. when he and i would chat, and i would mention something about dynasty that bothered me, he would talk about what liz’s thoughts were on it and how she felt and that she was right to feel that way and it made me feel awful. this happened on multiple occasions throughout various topics, from dynasty to fandom stuff to liz’s friendships/relationships, etc. no matter what, to gil, liz was always right and he always had an explanation for anything that happened. the way he would describe liz and the thing he said about her made me see her in a completely different light - she was not the same liz that she presented herself as, at least in gil’s eyes. 

he would always talk about how amazing liz was to him and how she did so much for him, such as buying him gifts, supporting his art, etc. this was hurtful to hear because i was doing the exact same things for him, as well as our group of friends: we had been buying his art (not only the art prints but the ACTUAL original copies), sending him gifts or money for gifts, supporting him and his art on social media, as well as just being a genuine friend to him. he never appreciated or thanked us the way that he thanked liz; none of us ever compared to her, even though we were doing the exact same thing for him that he said liz was doing, as well. it made me feel like no matter what i did, or how supportive i was, i was never enough.

we also had a discord with gil, that involved him, me, and my friends sarah, hope, amanda, and dom. within this discord, it’s worth noting that gil was the only man there, and would talk about liz and his friendship with her there, unprompted. we never asked for info, he volunteered everything willingly, and we all kind of glossed over it at the time because we weren’t friends with him for liz or any of that.

(the screenshot gil linked in the gc is what “liz’s” private encrypted blog looks like on his dash. please note the edit post button in the bottom right of the screenshot.)

another important thing about his friendship with liz/being in love with her: he has this specific kink (which i don’t want to say what it is for privacy reasons) and he said that liz was engaging in this kink herself, and that he was jealous of liz’s bf/wishes he could engage in it with liz, etc. i wasn’t into this kink before talking to him but because i had liked him so much at the time, and i was slightly jealous that he wanted it with liz, i thought that i could indulge in it for him. it was something that i was not physically or mentally prepared for/able to make happen, and it really caused an impact on me, and he just...didn’t care. at all.

anyways: this stuff continues, then around summer 2020, my friend sarah reached out to him. she (and my friends, along with me) were starting to distrust the things gil was saying about liz, since it went completely against what liz would say herself. she would say she only plays the sims 3 on her computer - he would say she was a huge gamer and played the sims 4 on ps4, along with minecraft, uncharted, the last of us, horizon zero dawn, etc. he would say that liz and maddison brown (her dynasty co-star) played ACNH with him and quickly got to 5 stars - liz said in a zach sang interview that she didn’t play animal crossing. every time something didn’t add up, his excuse was that liz was lying for her privacy. she didn’t follow gil on any verified social media accounts in case “people harassed him” over being friends with her. so sarah texted him that she needed to talk to him about the liz stuff, because there was evidence it wasn’t true, and he denied all of it. he firmly stuck to his story, and sarah gave him multiple chances over several days to come clean and he wouldn’t. she asked for simple pieces of proof that he could give her, and he wouldn’t besides fake screenshots of her “private blog”:

 he told me afterwards that if it comes between his friendship with liz or sarah’s, he’s picking liz - end of story. his and sarah’s friendship was done after that because of his decision. he blamed sarah for “ruining” liz and maddison’s friendship because of her asking for proof, and made her out to be the bad one in that situation. he ended up deleting the discord gc after this happened, with all of his screenshots/”info” as liz as well (we got screenshots of things before he deleted it though, much more that’s shown in this post).

about a month later, my friend léa also confronted him about it. gil had told her some things about liz’s “reaction” to meeting léa in paris, and at the time, it had made the experience more special for her. once she realized it was all lies, though, it really hurt her - he altered that special experience for her and twisted it into something that wasn’t real. he had the same reaction to léa’s conversation as he did to sarah’s, and he refused to tell the truth. their friendship was done with after, as well, along with a few other people from the liz fandom. i was the only one who stayed friends with him after that, and that was because i was closest with him and still trying to see if i could fix things with him. i was still naively believing that he would treat me okay again, he would make me feel important instead of always a backup option, that he wanted me again. 

but of course that never happened. he continued to ignore me, talk to me less and less, and would subtweet me on his private account. after he stopped being friends with sarah and léa and everyone blocked him except for me, i was the only follower on his private account, as well as being the only person he followed there. gil, though, kept saying that liz had a “private twitter” where she would talk to him on his private account. he also said that he had “merged twitter accounts” into one, which was his private, which messed up his account and wouldn’t show who he was replying to, quote rts, or that he was following them, which - if you have a twitter, you KNOW none of that can actually happen. but it was his excuse to constantly subtweet me and my friends for not believing him, to maintain his story, AND to have convos with “liz” on there that only i could see, where he made it sound like he was talking shit about me to her. it was extremely manipulative and served no purpose except to fuck with me, because he knew that i was the only one seeing those tweets and knew i was already struggling with not knowing what to believe. here’s some of them:

(you can very clearly see that i’m the only follower/following on that account, the number is at literally 1, and he STILL was acting like he was talking to someone else and that other people were following him.)

now comes jan. 2021!! WE GOT DEFINITE PROOF THAT IT WAS ALL LIES. from multiple people. one of liz’s close best friends (that gil included in his stories about her, saying that he met them) said that they don’t know who gil is, have never met him, and it’s best for us all to block him for our own safety. a co-worker of liz’s (who was, again, included in gil’s lies, that he hung out with them multiple times, played games with them online, and bought him gifts) said that not only had they never met gil, but EVERYTHING he said about them was untrue. they even listed the inaccuracies he would say about them, such as gil taking photos of them at things like the SWT, and they confirmed who actually took the photo. they said that “none of it is fucking true” and that gil is a narcissistic liar, and also encouraged us to block him for our own safety. 

i confronted gil myself about this a few weeks ago, and he continued to maintain his story that everyone’s lying to protect his privacy - even though we know for sure that wasn’t the case. he FINALLY owned up to it to me only once he saw i had proof and he was caught, and his reason for doing it was “he was bored”. he said he was sorry but he wasn’t truly apologetic - he either didn’t fully realize the scope of how hurtful his lies and manipulations were, or he just didn’t care, but the bottom line is that he always chose his fantasy of liz over his actual friends. around this time, once he knew he was caught, he also deactivated his private account, but brought it back a week or so later, with all of the subtweets and tweets about liz being deleted. all of the unverified accounts that were supposed to be liz - the tumblr account, psn, twitch, etc. - were all fake and made by him, so he could make it seem more real.

even if he WAS telling the truth about being friends with liz, he still would have completely violated her privacy by the amount of “secret” things he told all of us - from her kinks/sex life, to work life, to very personal things that he claims happened to her. knowing it’s all fake though, and he made up an entire personality and life for liz that doesn’t exist??? it’s insane.

now the part with kim - she’s known gil irl for over 10 years, and has tweeted about liz all the time, about how “good” liz is to her because of gil, and that she’s the one who encouraged him to talk to her. she brags about it constantly, even though none of it is real. she also tweeted multiple times throughout 2018-2019 about how gil “finally deserves to meet liz in person”, even though gil said he met liz irl back in 2017 or so - AND that she came to texas, where he lives, to meet him and his friends. when asked about her tweets, he said that kim’s account was “messed up” and her tweets weren’t “tweeted at the right time”. one of my friends reached out to tell her and show her the proof of gil lying, because gil has been lying to her and other people irl too, and instead she mocked us, belittled us, and chose not to believe a group of women coming to her about a 30 year old (!!) man manipulating us. gil said that kim was “aware of it all being a lie for years now” to me, but i think that was another lie, that he’s STILL lying to her about it. if not, then that means that kim was also lying for many years about knowing liz too, and used it to make us all the butt of her joke, so. so much for her being an “empath” and wanting to help people but anyways!!

the last screenshot is of her subtweeting us and implying that everyone involved with liz is lying for her and gil’s privacy, even though we have proof that that simply isn’t true.

i’m sorry for how long this is, but i need people to understand how serious this is. he’s been lying for 5 YEARS now about knowing liz - about her “accidentally sending nudes” to him, that gil is one of her best friends and he would’ve been at her wedding, that she’s a huge gamer who plays with him - all of it. it’s all lies. he created a fantasy version of liz that doesn’t exist, and incorporated into his real life, his friendships both online and off, and made it his entire personality. he’s not sorry about what he’s done - as i’m writing this, he’s still on tumblr, talking in the tags to “liz” again, because he’d rather uphold his fantasy life where he’s best friends with liz when in reality, she has no idea he even exists. and if she did, i’m certain that she would be disgusted with what he’s done. he lied about her, oversexualized her, used his kinks on her which was brought onto me - someone he knew that was vulnerable and had feelings for him, manipulated people into trying to believe his lies, gaslit people to make them unable to tell what was true and what was fake, and had absolutely zero respect for any of us. he even listened to me cry to him on the phone MULTIPLE times about how insecure and worthless i felt to him compared to liz, and he didn’t do ANYTHING about it. he sat there and listened to me cry, knowing he could own up to his lie, and he chose not to. he’s not sorry about what he’s done, and he’s going to continue to spread his lies. please block him. i can’t express how much he’s hurt me, the therapy that i need to have because of him, how much he’s hurt my friends and how little he respects women in general tbh. he always tried to come off as “one of the good guys” but now i know he’s harmful and not to be trusted. he even tried to separate me from my friends, and make it seem like they’re the ones making this situation even harder for him. i’ve tried so, so many times to get through to him, waiting to see if he’d change or show some remorse or anything, but after over a year of this i don’t think he will, and it genuinely hurts me to know that. BLOCK HIM.

[mrpenguinpants]

hellooo this is not a request but what do u think of the new upcoming character (he'll probably get release like... at least after 2 years ig TAT) Dainsleif?

Major spoilers for Kaeya’s Character Story and Khaenri'ah Lore. 

TLDR: I like the potential Dainsleif has plus his design is really nice. He might be a catalyst or sword user with empowered auto's or he might be similar to Zhongli that uses field effects and has a delete button for his elemental burst. 

I have many theories on who Dainsleif is and that he is either some type of traveler/god/homunculus and he has the element of ash or quintessence. The opposite of dendro and nature. I'd like to believe that the lore of Khaenri'ah relates to his story and his attitude (since he's from there originally) and it's a desolate place with no archon blessings so the people themselves had to develop their own methods to survive, hence the art of alchemy Khemia. When Dainsleif get's introduced, mostly likely towards the very end, we might find out why Scaramouche said the sky and the stars was a gigantic hoax and the truth behind Kaeya. 

---

ANON. YOU. YOU GET A COOKIE. I LOVE TALKING ABOUT STORY AND CHARACTER LORE SO MUCH.

Please, if any of you wanna talk about this I’m totally on board. I love Dainsleif and I’m so upset he’ll probably be released towards end game so yeah two years at least;; 

Okay, so level with me. I’m about to bring out the whiteboard for this. I tried to format it so it was easier to digest but this is pure word vomit and I went overboard again. 

What do u think of the new upcoming character Dainsleif?

I’m very excited. I think his design is beautiful and I want those lore bomb drops. 

Firstly, I can’t wait for him to drop. I’m always a sucker for lore and he’s been dropping hints from the start since he narrates all the character’s collected miscellany. He does remind of me Dimitri from FE3H but I’m excited for more Khaenri’ah lore. 

I have some theories about where the story will go with him and  Khaenri’ah but those are some major spoilers so I left a read more tag if you’re interested. 

Tumblr won’t let me upload his splash art but just google it lol.

Which weapon will he use? 

Catalyst or Sword. He might have empowered autos like Diluc and Razor or he might apply a mark like Childe. 

I can see him being a castor since his right arm is glowing. But he might also be a sword user that uses empowered auto’s like Diluc and Razor. Since the name Dainsleif was King Högni's sword during the battle of Hjaðningavíg. According to the reliable source of wiki, whatever wound the Dainsleif sword cause could not be healed. 

I think it would be cool if his auto’s apply a stack/mark (similar to Childe’s riptide mark), and after 3 auto’s the mark is consumed and the enemy gets dealt heavy damage. Or maybe you can apply debuffs like “defense down” or maybe even a blind, based on the number to stacks you have on the mark. 

What vision will he have?

A hydro vision or a custom one (similar to a delusion). Or he doesn’t have a vision at all and uses alchemy or is secretly a “god”.

As for vision, he might be a hydro character since his splash art appears like he’s coming out of a ball of water. I’ve heard people say he might be cyro also, which wouldn’t be extremely off if visions actually correspond with their user. 

Or he might be introduced with an entirely new element (perhaps a new type of alchemy?). His star is a dark blue too so he might have the element of black mist/dust or ash/shadows as a potential power. 

In the Albedo trailer he mentions:

"But I know it well. It hails from Khaenri'ah: The Art of Khemia. Soil and chalk, the universe and earth, pure dust and the birth of life.”

Perhaps this is the vision/power that Dainsleif has? Maybe even the creator or maybe he even taught Albedo’s Master how to do Khemia. I don’t think he really encompasses the Geo vision (I will seriously write an 11 page essay on how vision’s correspond with their holder). We don’t know a lot about Dendro but I think he might be related to it. But just like Khaenri’ah, he’s reflects the opposite. Instead of “birth of life” and tree’s, he’s the “death of life” and ash. (wow doesn’t that sound deep lolol sorry I don’t really know how to explain it). The way he talks in trailers, he says “mortals” a lot but does vouch for them so it makes me wonder if he might actually be a god. 

Also his title is the “Bough Keeper”. A bough means: a main branch of a tree. This makes me believe that he can either do something similar to what Albedo showed us and can create life or he does the opposite and creates ash. Honestly, a part of me believes he might just have generic moveset’s like everyone else but let me dream lol. 

Or he might not even be a vision holder since we don’t see him holding one, but we only have this angle and art to go off on. He might even use stars haha. If anyone remembers, during the falling star event, Scaramouche says the sky and stars were a gigantic hoax. I would not be surprised if the world is actually upside down or the “sky” isn’t even a sky at all. More like a sheet over Teyvat or some kind of illusion. 

Or another theory, perhaps Dainsleif is the god of time since he says in Travail during the Traveler chapter:

“Defeat me, command me to step aside, show me that you are worthier than I to rescue her. Then, the threads of all fate will be yours to re-weave“

It would explain how he knows so much about the other characters and what happened in the past since he brings up “the war” a lot. I’m assuming it’s either the Archon War or something before that. 

Or mihoyo could shred my thesis paper and Dainsleif has nothing to do with this and he’s some random guy from Khaenri’ah with plot convivence. 

---

I just want to mention at the bottom of this, but the classical elements are water, earth, fire, air and (later) aether. I find it funny that the male MC shares the name. 

“Aether, also called quintessence, is the fifth and highest classical element. It’s a material that fills the region of the universe above the terrestrial sphere.” 

“It permeates all nature and is the substance composing the celestial bodies. The essence of a thing in its purest and most concentrated form,”

Or this is just a hint to the traveler’s power since the traveler is the only one that can use all the elements. 

Possible moveset?

He might use stars or air/anemo in his moveset. He could be a very good dps with a lot of trapping potential. Or he might be a field effect support like Albedo, but can still do a lot of damage. 

Imagine Dainsleif uses stars haha, throwing them to do damage like Ningguang’s rocks. The splash art of him shows two stars in the top left. He might have a teleport (similar to Keqing + Mona dash), or maybe he could even have some sort of telekinesis with his right arm. I’m just getting Xayah from league of legends vibes where he can throw the star, it places itself at max range, then he can recall them and the star does damage on the way back. Similar to how Keqing’s elemental skill works but instead of teleporting to the stiletto, the stiletto comes back to you when you press e again. (Sorry I play on keyboard). 

The opposite of nature is void or cosmos so that could be relating to his power as well since the only animation we get of him is in Teyvat Chapter Storyline Preview: Travail (I’m just gonna say Travail) and this black mist comes from his hand and he says: 

“"We will defy this world with a power from beyond.”

Could be interesting hehe. He might even be a field effect character like Albedo. He doesn’t really strike me as the guy that likes fighting but in the Albedo trailer he says: 

“I am content to watch most crises play out from the sidelines. But if Albedo were ever to make a single wrong move...I could not let myself ignore it.”.

Seems to be that Dainsleif is pretty powerful or at least has some type of influence. It could be interesting if he’s similar to Zhongli and has a giant delete button for his elemental burst haha. Or he has some type of imprisonment power like Mona’s burst. Or as I mentioned earlier, it would be fun having telekinesis but this is just me taking liberties haha. 

(and yes I totally understand that I’m forcing the story to support my theory BUT IGNORE IT OK.)

Black Mist/Dust and Ash/Shadows?

Uh I gave up on these summaries lol 

I touched on it briefly but I say black mist or shadows since I believe that Khaenri’ah is probably not a good place to live originally. Similar to how Mondstadt was in the past, it is probably surrounded by some type of barrier (hence the mist or even the sky) that both traps and makes sure no one get’s in or out. Khaenri’ah is quite the opposite of most regions besides the whole “no archon” business but in “Travai”, when Dainsleif brings up Khaenri’ah this shows up:

It seems like a star to me in some hidden pocket in the sky and what not. This is what I would assume Scaramouche saw (possibly, we have no idea) and therefore there are people and an entire region that’s in the sky. But why would  Khaenri’ah be above Celestia? Since you can see Celestia in Teyvat. I would like to think that Teyvat is either upside down and Khaenri’ah is actually below everything or this pocket in the sky isn’t even in Teyvat and is similar to how you reach spiral abyss. You have to go through this circle in Cape Oath and you get sucked into this worm hole thing and you make it to Musk Reef. Where we saw Scarachmouche and he tells us the sky is a hoax. 

This idea kinda supports my idea that Teyvat is either upside down or the sky isn’t real since how could Dainsleif know who all these people are (since he narrates all the 5 star character’s trailers). Either the man is just really smart and travel’s around a lot but he’s aware of who Zhongli is, an archon from 6000 years ago. This makes me believe he is either a god himself or if he is also a homunculus. Or he’s in the third category and perhaps he’s also a traveler like the main character’s.

I don’t believe he’s an archon but it would be interesting if he was a potential candidate for becoming the Khaenri’ah archon. Since I believe vision holders (human) can become archons and rise to Celestia but Dainsleif refused or he was capable of becoming an Archon

“A human with a Vision is an allogene — one with the potential to reach godhood; however, it isn't clear if having a Vision is a requirement, or simply makes a person more likely to meet the qualifications to reach Celestia.”

But going back to the state of Khaenri’ah, I’d like to think that since the art of Khemia is from Khaenri’ah that would mean that they had to learn how to make their own food and life since they didn’t have an archon to bless their lands. Barbatos had swept the snow and land away in the region of Mondstadt but Khaenri’ah doesn’t have that luxury. Naturally, I would imagine that there are some downsides of Khemia when it was first being practiced, hence the ash. But ash isn’t a bad thing, in fact you can use ash to amend soil and boost your lawn. 

But obviously having a vision would be a whole lot more useful since it’s literally god given talent/blessing so if you have a vision, you might be able to break out and go to the “above” world of Teyvat. If you have a vision you’re seen as being blessed by the gods and you might be able to ascend to Celestia itself. I believe that Khaenri’ah is secretly the abyss and doesn’t see the sun so it’s always dark and it’s hard to grow anything so the people of Khaenri’ah had to find ways to make their own food, hence alchemy. This could be why Dainsleif is so adamant about humanity and questioning the Archons and visions. 

If we are going on the theory that Dainsleif is actually a normal human, then I’d like to imagine he was one of the people that prayed for a vision or some type of blessing and finally got it. But an incident happened and he lost his faith or resolve in the Archons. He mentions it a tiny bit in the Diluc trailer but this is just me spit balling. 

Also, Kaeya’s talents also mention about an abyss and void before the change. I don’t think abyss was made to relate to the abyss order and more the actual definition of abyss but it’s still interesting. 

What is Khemia?

Well I don’t know and I don’t know how accurate google is but let’s try and go through it together. I have no idea if what I’m about to type is offensive since I do not have a history degree and I’m pretty much paraphrasing what google tells me.

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So Khemia, is an Egyptian sacred science. When Egypt was occupied by the Arabs they added “al-” to the world “Khemia” and “al-Khemia”. Al-Khemia means “The Black Land” and is now seen as a possibly origin of the world alchemy. 

Not gonna lie, I did not know al-khemia meant the black land so idk if my hindsight is 2020 or it was just super obvious for my monkey brain. 

As for the world “Chemeia”, it was used to designate the art of metal-working, specifically changing base metals into gold and silver. The Arabs later prefixed it with “al” and the world “alchemy”. Alchemy came to signify the art of chemistry in general. However the word "Chemeia” was probably derived from the Greek word “chemi” which means “black”. This could be because: 

In the sense of "dark" or "hidden", since the Dark, Hidden or Divine Art was the only name by which this science was known to the ancients.

However, the word chemistry might have had a Chinese origin.  It may have been derived from the Hakka term KIM-MI or the Cantonese term KEM-MAI, which signifies "gone astray in search of gold" or "secret of gold". 

Assuming it’s from Egyptian origin, the ancient Egyptian word khēmia means the transmutation of earth, thereby the science of matter at the atomic to molecular scale. According to some etymologists, khēmia or “preparation of black powder” ultimately derived the name from Khem or Kēme, Egypt, the land of black earth. 

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So if we are going with the Chinese origin, I’d like to think that this is a hint towards the story and people trying to find the “gold” or perhaps a vision. This could explain why Kaeya was sent to Mondstadt to hopefully require a vision and come back. 

What is the lore behind Khaenri’ah then?

So, why do I think the people of Khaenri’ah are looking to be saved or want a vision so badly? Well, time to go through the entire Khaenri’ah lore with you lads. 

The Khaenri’ah lore goes as this:

At least 200 years ago, the Eclipse Dynasty threw the kingdom into chaos (meaning it was the last Dynasty).

The people were cursed and transformed into monsters.

Mondstadt’s Knights and Grand Master Arundolyn went on an expedition to Khaenri’ah to fight off the monsters.

In the present,  Khaenri’ah is still struggling against the effects of the curse. Kaeya was sent to Mondstadt as their last hope and for the sake of the “ancient plot”.

1. For those not aware, China’s time periods were separated into Dynasty’s (sort of). The Chinese characters of “Eclipse Dynasty” are [古国黑日落] or "The Ancient Civilization of the Black Sunset". There is probably some type of history or connection to this since Zhongli’s voicelines are full of them but this post is long enough and I don’t know if people want to or care about hearing Chinese history but um let me know? Cause I’m really into that and I will gladly write about it.

2. We’re not completely aware if the people transformed into Hilichurls or were apart of the Abyss Order. But since the last dynasty was literally called Eclipse I would like to believe this supports my idea that Khaenri’ah isn’t someplace you can easily reach and you have to entire a fucking worm hole to get to. I’m in love with the idea that Khaenri’ah is the spiral abyss or at least part of it, that Childe fell into when he was a younger. Perhaps even the spiral abyss is where he landed since time technically doesn’t pass in spiral and it’s just a wave of enemies. I would 100% not be shocked if we have to enter the that wormhole to get to Khaenri’ah or something similar. 

3. Arundolyn was a previous Grand Master and while he did not possess a Vision, he was naturally gifted through intense training. He was formerly one of the Four Winds and had the title of “Lion of Light”. So Khaenri’ah is possible to get to and someone from Mondstadt has done it, but without a vision. The Traveler also doesn’t carry a vision so it might be interesting to see. Kaeya didn’t get his vision until he was 18? 17? When he had a falling out with Diluc. 

I would like to think that perhaps the Archon’s betrayed Khaenri’ah or someone fucked up in their pursuit to develop Khemia to it’s fullest potential or wanted to make their own vision, hence the delusion and how it transforms Childe into a foul legacy form. The Dragonspine lore could point to how Celestia has the power to seal away Khaenri’ah. This also might have been where Dainsleif lost his resolve (assuming he’s a human and just happened to get some sort of power or is really good at Khemia he saw the past or fate or whatever lol)

“Murals, Record of Serial No., and other lore bits in Dragonspine indicate that those who dwelled there attempted to fight against Celestia but lost. As punishment, the Skyfrost Nail was dropped, and the area was turned into a frozen wasteland.

Therefore, people with visions cannot enter Khaenri’ah because of the Archon’s and people that receive visions (which I still think is highly unlikely if you’re in Khaenri’ah) might be able to break out. Think of spiral abyss as some sort of “purgatory” except to enter Khaenri’ah you go down. To get out, you start AT FLOOR 12 and make your way up. Similar to Kid Icarus and how the hardest level was at the beginning and as you went up, it slowly became easier. 

4. I like the idea that Khaenri’ah is a land that either doesn’t have vision holders or the people that do have visions aren’t seen the same way as other regions. People are are actually cursed by the Gods or people that require visions leave Khaenri’ah because they now have the power to. In Travail Dainsleif says this:

"Some say a few are chosen and the rest are dregs, but I say we humans have our humanity. We will defy this world from a power from beyond”

Naturally these are his ideals and I’d like to believe that Khaenri’ah is actually split on this. Some believe in Dainsleif ideals while the other half doesn’t. If we’re going on the theory that Khaenri’ah is actually the abyss then the abyss order makes a bit more sense. 

Plus the idea that Lumine/Aether (I think the story is just going to stick with Lumine being the “villain ”) working for the abyss, it could be because their twin was separated by an unknown god. Aether was asleep and plagued by nightmares with his sister saying “it was too late”, perhaps he lost his memory since he doesn’t know what he was late for? Maybe this is what she meant since I’d assume the story has you going from place to place and the Archon’s stepping down like in Liyue and the Tsaritsa collecting all the gnosis. 

Why is the Tsaritsa collecting all the gnosis?

“She is a god with no love left for her people, nor do they have any left for her. Her followers only hope to be on her side when the day of her rebellion against the divine comes at last."

I can imagine that Tsarista or the Cyro archon is collecting all the gnosis because she believes in the Khaenri’ah attitude and is apart of the ancient plot or is trying to protect them somehow since she isn’t an evil person based on Childe’s voicelines:

“Her Royal Highness the Tsaritsa is actually a gentle soul. Too gentle, in fact, and that's why she had to harden herself. Likewise, she declared war against the whole world only because she dreams of peace. And because she made an enemy of the world, I had the chance to become acquainted with you.”

Or maybe even more interesting, she was actually a citizen of Khaenri’ah since the Tsaritsa wasn’t apart of the original seven but this is a huge stretch. Maybe she’s collecting all the gnosis to finally break the seal on Khaenri’ah? Plus the people of Sneznaya strike me as “I don’t care if you’re blessed by the gods or have a vision, if you can fight then you’re good in our books”. Plus the people of Khaenri’ah are probably pretty mad at the Archons so when the rebellion does come I’d assume the Tsaritsa wants them on her side. 

What happened to Kaeya?

Now Kaeya’s character story goes into how he met Diluc and Crepus. It’s hinted that it was on purpose since Kaeya’s father left him there specifically. 

"One afternoon near the end of summer a decade ago, my father and I passed by the Dawn Winery."

This matter-of-fact description hides a carefully constructed lie. Kaeya has never once spoken the truth about what happened that afternoon:

"This is your chance. You are our last hope."

Kaeya would never forget the look of both hope and hatred in his father's eyes as he uttered those words.

Now you can interpret this as many things, either collecting all the gnosis and obtaining a vision to hopefully come back to save Khaenri’ah could be what he meant or he want’s Kaeya to stop the Abyss Order from literally setting Teyvat on fire. You can probably sympathize with the Abyss Order if we are following the theory that they are actually the mutated monsters of Khaenri’ah citizen’s during the Eclipse dynasty but it’s also like, how about we not set the world on fire ya know?

But interestingly, the reason why Kaeya’s father left him with Diluc’s family is because they have a long history of participating in the rebellion against Decarabian 2,600 years ago and Vennessa’s rebellion against the Aristocracy. 

What will happen when Dainsleif get’s introduced?

So, I’m fully on board with the “Kaeya being the secret prince of Khaenri’ah” theory. I like the idea that Dainsleif is Kaeya’s servant or trusted advisor but I think that’s mainly rooted in the ship. Dainsleif strikes me more as someone who observes and only steps in if he has to because it might affect fate or whatever.

“I am content to watch most crises play out from the sidelines. But if Albedo were ever to make a single wrong move...I could not let myself ignore it.” 

I don’t think Dainsleif is the King of Khaenri’ah that Jean mentions in her hobbies voiceline but perhaps he was related to them somehow. Maybe the first King or the King that Jean mentions was real and Dainsleif was his friend or the God that helped him become King, then the Eclipse Dynasty happened and everything went downhill. Since I believe in Kaeya being a secret prince from  Khaenri’ah, Dainsleif would still be somewhat loyal to the Kingdom or perhaps he had lost faith after what happened and how so many people got corrupted and turned into monsters. 

I was talking about this with my friend but what if genshin pulls an fgo and “kills” Kaeya? Similar to FGO where Leonardo “died” in a car accident and when we visited a shop, there was just a hologram. What if genshin’s story kills Kaeya in a cutscene, and we can no longer use him since Kaeya was a free character, only to return as - THE 5 STAR WE WERE ALL WAITING FOR - the prince of Khaenri’ah.

When will we see Dainsleif?

According to the “Travail” the order of appearances is this: 

I believe part 1 is finished with Zhongli and dragonspine was just an add on for Albedo. But this makes me believe that Dainsleif and Khaenri’ah will be after we go to Snezhnaya. Also side note, the music for Natlan slaps hard. 

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But yeah, I kinda went a bit off track and started talking about the story haha. I really love lore so if anyone has any questions about other characters or want’s to discuss the genshin story I am all ears^^. Also, if any of this becomes true in two years time I WILL BE BACK TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO. 

Or genshin prepares to rip this post apart and none of it is true. If you actually read my word vomit I appreciate you and you get a free cookie. If you’re wondering where I’ve been, it was writing this haha. 

[tangerinefluff]

before i can freely dive back in on tumblr after being gone for a long time, i just wanted to address some asks i got during my inactivity: 

where do I start lmao. so i’m not sure if I understood the asks the way the anons intended to communicate them. could be because of a little language barrier? and im actually having trouble deciphering hate or disrespect because i have almost never in my life been hated or received serious hate in any form (i was THE good girl, on the outside that is, my entire life no one messed with bc i dont really do anything hateful like it’s just not in my nature to respond in that way 😅 anw very besides the point) so you may talk to me again if that’s not what you (anon) intended.

to the first one who said this: 

hi! i get ur suggestion but maybe word it differently? bc that was kinda rude. first off, this one (garbage) writing is for you too. second, i appreciate the cute hearts at the end to go with the insult in the beginning 😅 (but also) third, you’re on MY blog. i mean,,, with the first words i agree? LMAO. i apologize i don’t have the best thoughts but no i won’t change things. this is literally my own space and im sharing a little of what’s on my mind and they don’t have to be useful and significant and a WOW moment kind of post to everyone lmao. fourth, you can locate the unfollow/mute button yourself. im not actually sure what writings you meant, if it’s the unrelated or personal posts/asks, or the blog-related shitty posts. and i’m not very tidy with my tags either so i’ll try harder on that! will tag unrelated texts as “garbage.text” and blog-related texts as “hq.text”. fifth, that’s what i keep my following tabs open for actually. i follow a lot of even betterrr blogs with content like mine and esppp amazing artists you should check out yk instead of sending people ask like that..haha. lastly, i hope you don’t go around sending blogs asks like this one and just filter out the stuff you want to consume yourself. let’s be careful with words bestie! (edit: also my blog now is 90% reblogged art so.... why the big issue).

candidate #2 who quoted a tag on my post and said: 

aah what i meant there is that i am actually having a hard time remembering.. in general. (cue the victim card script) yes dramatic but i feel like my memory’s deteriorating. can’t remember names of people i just met or friends from a long time. things i just did or the phone i just put down 30 secs ago. conversations and with whom. read somewhere that it could be due to mental health problems. and i cant keep track of all the interactions here so i mess things up sometimes which is why i’m less active. and its not bc my friends here are insignificant!!! lmao. dw i remember, i have my close friends’ UNs and names listed on my notes too :D

yk i wanna bite harder than this bc im a real B on the inside and i wanted to make light of this (somehow funny to me because ik i shouldn’t respond bc it feels like twitter behavior) &&& i wanted to show off my clean record that i haven’t ever been hated before lmao until this moment that is. im just super shocked cause i’m 22 and JUST realizing, oh so this is the dangerous stuff on the internet! like i thought i could’ve avoided them because im.... literally... nice that i’m almost boring here and unproblematic and trying my best and just talking about stuff i like. bestie is not special over here.

to those who have been following me from the first (cringe) days, would know i post reallyyyy randomly. it was more original posts rather than reblogs. and i minimized on that when my following increased. there’s 4.4k amazing people following this blog in just a little over a year. so i toned down the personal stuff right away. honestly got conscious and i didn’t like it because the blog started to feel less like it’s mine. i can’t openly switch to a different content/media or just scream nonsense. i can’t answer personal asks freely. can’t interact with mutuals. then i just decided that i won’t mind anymore. as long as my post isn’t offensive and/or rude, i will post as i wish. i don’t normally engage in hateful posts because it bums me out. like a minute into reading these asks they really upset me then writing my response and letting this sit in the drafts made me think i won’t bother anymore because i could just let the asks get lost into the void and it’s not like i did anything wrong, but i guess i had a little energy today. and yes, will be turning off anon asks from here on out.

i hope this one won’t get dragged out and i’m not expecting any interactions from this because i just wanna talk about stuff i’ve been getting into lately, back to regular programming.. AAAAHHHHH!!! not sure if this will reach the anons (expected they unfollowed because that’s the smart thing to do) but I still wish them a good day/night and a peaceful tumblr experience! (^^)

[velveetacrackncheese]

Hey, Rad... Alex... Alexlememe? I know that's the name you used to go by and I know you've kinda disconnected yourself from Viv's fanbase after ZP ended, and I remember your memes and such but I kinda just wanted to get your take on the Hazbin drama since you reblogged the headcanon blog's post on the subject. More or less regarding the issue of her being uncharitable to fans and non-fans alike, plus that one callout post on twitter?

So this is weird. I wasn’t expecting to get asks on the subject since like you said, I’ve generally been disconnected from the fanbase aside from the few reblogs here and there retaining to Hazbin and its more recent developments. But yeah I guess I could give my take on this since I mean.. old fans still follow me. Idk why, but they do!So, really. In regards to that callout post (which is now deleted) I really, really don’t care that much. For one thing, Initially I did because I really hated to see someone be slandered so viciously with inaccurate and uncharitable attacks, but I kinda just stopped because even when I linked the addresses from both Viv, and the Ken dude regarding all the drama mentioned, it was either ignored and resulting in me being called a “pedo sympathizer” or “It wasn’t even an apologyyyyy weh” and like, whatever. I stopped giving a shit.

Terms of the traced animation thing... Lol, ok. I mean homages do exist, and her animation thingy was based on a meme so whatevs.

Anyways,I knew from the very start that the whole “tracing” and “stealing designs” stuff was nonsense since there was an entire like, tumblr drama arc on the issue, and albeit Viv’s post is gone, there’s evidence of legal contracts regarding Jiji and that whole nonsense that was years ago. In regards to her drawing pictures of Blaire White and Shoe… Eh. I mean, yeah, fuck em, but she’s made it clear that she doesn’t support those views anymore, and she wasn’t even really aware of the other things they’d done at that point, and I see no real reason not to believe her because what does lying about that gain her? Yeah her comment on the “blackface” thing if you wanna call it that was dumb as shit, but considering 2016 was a rough year for her in terms of trying to find where she fell in the political sphere, I can relate because I was in the same boat. A lot of sjw cringe comps, shaming feminists, and purposely misgendering transpeople… Not a good time for me either! Course I’ve changed. I went from being a reactionary alt-centrist to an anarchist so. Whether that’s an improvement is up to you.

As for the whole pedo/zoo shit, I really don’t see it. I mean like, look, obviously porn art portraying people fucking feral animals is disgusting right. Not saying it isn’t problematic or anything, but to be fair, she did draw this shit like 8 years ago. I’ve seen worse from even more well-established artists and I don’t see people trying to cancel them? Also, the art was suggestive for one thing and not necessarily 100% porn. I mean it’s still creepy and gross, and I’d understand scolding them if they continued to do so but a lot worse, but I haven’t seen anything like that from Viv past those 2 drawings. As for the pedo shit… The relationship between a 17 year old and a 19 year old is… hardly creepy and reminiscent of pedo shit. So yeah no fuck that. Now with the drawing of Mirage and Kestrel and the tag that said something jokingly like “Mirage and her pedo tendencies” or whatever… Yeah idk, I can’t defend that lmfao. Again, Viv said she disapproves of those drawings and doesn’t care to think about them, but that one piece of artwork definitely had some baggage to it that made me feel uncomfortable after reading the tags.Only issue I took in terms of her addressing that, is that she was very adamant about it being an inside joke… Which if that’s true, you must’ve had some fucked up friends like damn.

I would also like to state that cub art is legitimately disgusting and I am of the belief that it can cause harm depending on the context since I assume the consumption of cub art can reinforce the urge for pedophiles to act on their desires instead of finding healthy coping mechanisms for it through therapy. There have been stories from younger users on the internet that older people have tried to groom them and have the notion of pedos preying on them be normalized by sending them art depicting kids in sexual acts with adults. Of course in isolation cub art isn’t as harmful as the actual act of raping a child, and I would argue that people have their priorities kind of messed up since the illustration being acknowledged should be part of combating pedophiles preying on children. However, people, typically twitter wokescolds tend to focus on the art solely and I don’t know why. There’s a lot of MAPS trying to find their way into LGBT spaces and it’s fucking gross.

Now with Hazbin itself… It’s meh. Initially I watched it with rose-tinted glasses and loved it. After watching it for like… the 3rd, 4th, 5th time? It’s alright. I don’t hate it, but it’s far from perfect. Now ofc I know it’s a pilot but a very lengthy pilot I’ll say. My biggest gripe with the pilot is that the editing is really fucking weird. Like the editing where Angel tells Alastor “I can suck yah dick!” and the scene that followed was really off. It seemed like too many cuts were made in that instance and seemed very cluttered. It also feels that way during Charlie singing “Inside Every Demon is a Rainbow” and how many little animated bits were like almost wiped off the screen by how fast it came by, and ntm there was just so much happening all at once on screen as well. I had to pause at points just to process everything that was happening. The palette is also very, very, verrrry red. There’s so much red going on and like… I get it, it’s in hell. But lemme rest my eyes on something else besides red, please. The palette they use needs to be better diversified, and the same goes for the characters too. Every character seems to have red on them. Whenever Baxter shows up later he’s gonna look really out of place. Some of the jokes were ok, and others seemed non-clever. I didn’t think Angel’s joke about sucking Al’s dick was funny. I did like the joke with Pentious and Angel though. “SON??” Some of it could’ve been written better too.

Regarding the drama with the show itself… Personally I don’t get it. Like, I don’t feel as if Angel is homophobic as a character since his queerness isn’t at the face of the jokes he makes? He just happens to be sex worker which… sex workers are fine? Support sex workers y’all, seriously. There’s also nothing intrinsically wrong with being sexually active either? As long as it’s within reason and you’re being trustworthy.The issue lies in the fact that people viewed the things I just mentioned as negative, and associate it with gay people as said negatively portrayed thing to push the sentiment of “Gay man do sex a lot therefore the gays bad” or that sort of thing. Also there’s a bit where it shows there’s more emotional depth to him and I’m hoping they’ll expand on that later. Honestly though, the criticisms in regards to that have been pretty uncharitable. Same with the criticisms for Vaggie. Apparently Vaggie is racist because… she’s loud and angry? Again, this is a case where people assume those traits are negative, and because it’s assumed to be negative, the negatively portrayed thing pushes the sentiment of “Being a loud fiery woman made, and latina women are that, therefore latina women bad” or some shit.  There are stereotypes that are bad no matter what the context is like sambo-esque caricatures of black people. Then there are tropes that are applied to certain demographics that have the capability to be written well into characters without it being offensive or disrespectful. Vaggie is literally angry because she’s protective of her gf. Like. C’mon.

So, I think that settles what I think about that? It honestly seems like superficial shit to me tbh, and I’m saying this as an sjw-y beta cuck anarchist.

The only REAL gripe I have, is with what the mod from @zpheadcanons posted. Because I know this is probably true as much as it hurts me to say it. Faust def has a history of being pretty petty and bully-like to people she deems undesirable, and Viv harbors it by not criticizing it, and if anyone else within their friend group does it then you’re scolded vehemently and treated like garbage. Her attitude also stretches to harboring an audience full of white knights that I personally don’t approve of.

There’s also this

Faust has hurt distant people I personally know and… yeah. Maybe I’m biased but I can’t vibe with that. Sorry. If you don’t make an effort to criticize abusive behavior within your own friend circles then that makes you just as bad, because then you’re just a bystander to things you could have prevented.

This isn’t to say Viv herself hasn’t dealt with bad faith actors, or people who had the intention to hurt her, or very uncharitable criticism. Particularly from the badwebcomics forums which is honestly 4chan like in how they operate. It’s vicious as hell, and a lot of their criticisms boil down to insults and personal attacks, which serve to be nonconstructive. That’s not to say Viv has been kind to even the more charitable criticism though. I know because when I happened to send an ask to the zoophobia criticism blog (where did it go???) regarding something relatively minor and superficial, she blocked me from her blog. I’m still blocked lmfao. I’m not blocked on twitter though! (not yet anyways). Faust has me blocked there though, and I have no idea why. She’s had me blocked for years even though I haven’t spoken out against her till recently. So, there’s that.

As for her apology itself, I feel like it was fine. I think it could’ve been worded better? The take I disagree with in terms of that is like… If I made a mistake in the past, and I make it clear that I don’t care for what I did, I don’t feel as if me explaining why I felt compelled to do certain things negate me from still not caring for my past actions? That’s just me providing context. That’s a really weird take, but I guess that could be viewed as an excuse idk. Personally I think people are holding the bar super high to a state of irrationality.

*sigh* So yeah there’s that. I miss the old days where honestly I could be ignorant about this, but at the same time I look at my old obsessive posts and I kinda just… cringe. I was such an irrational stan I almost hate myself for it. Fuck XD

Edit: I’d also like to point out that I’m not saying Viv or Faust are totally awful or totally good people, and I know they’re capable of being better. It’s a matter of whether or not they wanna be better.

[selkiewife]

Harlots Season 3 Episode 1 Reaction

*There are spoilers below

Ahhh the opening music. Love it ha.

Okay... who are these people? Is this Josiah Hunt’s family?

Ok get it stable girl

Lady Harlot! Yessss did they make up?? Hmmm I guess?

Hey Luce. Hey new characters.

Holy shit Theon- er Alfie- Isaac is here already and face to face with my LOVING WIFE NANCY BIRCH what.

They’ve given Alfie lines to speak with his MOUTH not just his eyes! Listen up.

“Dainty Size” ha- I mean granted, she’s small but. Did she just threaten to “flay his face off??” Was that a Theon/ Ramsay call back? I doubt it. (Get out of the GOT headspace Selkie, ffs)

I’m sensing real guilt from Charlotte that she’s a bawd and isn’t just one of the girls anymore. You’ve done nothing wrong Char!

Well that’s a weird kink Lucy (licking the bald head). These men are ridiculous.

And now, Kate Fleetwood And Alfie Allen engage in the battle of the jaw lines.

Wait why are they rhyming? Oh right that’s what people did in those days for fun/ to flirt. I know this from Shakespeare. Get in there Fanny! Charlotte is so quick, damn. I want to be them.

“Not a Rogue” Isaac just said more words in this scene than Theon said in the entirety of Season 8 (I’m not ragging don’t at me- Theon said more with his eyes than everyone else combined in Season 8, so it’s fine. I’m just delighted to hear Alfie speak. In fucking RHYME. HA!)

Oh fuck... Bedlam is so horrifying. They are trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for Lydia and no one is shocked when I tell you it’s working

Charlotte and Isaac. Be still my bisexual heart. Okay but what about Lady Isabella? Well this is just work though. Also maybe they have an open relationship? Or are they even together at all? I NEED ANSWERS HARLOTS. I love how sex is always so clothed on this show- It is realistic of the time period because of the weather and cause clothes were so involved. It just always looks right- like a job and kind of unappealing. And they always get the squeaking of the bed and shit right you know? Oh wait, but they are having a moment.

This must be the brother. Hey Emily. How much time has passed here? 

Did Charlotte just say she hasn’t slept with anyone since she became a bawd. So I guess her and Lady Fitz aren’t together then. But they are friendly? 

What the fuck Nancy where is your birch rod?? Hold up, where is Will? No seriously, where is Will?

I love Cherry so much God. 

Lydia is trying to remember a soliloquy. This is all so Shakespearean what with the rhyming and... 

It’s that stable girl

Lady Fitz’ voice cracks me up tbh it’s so over the top and hushed-dramatic but I love it.

William’s in York y’all... but why?

And Alfie’s.... still rhyming... like? I am starting to have flashbacks of my past outdoor Shakespeare jobs right now and part of me is totally into that. What does that say about me really?

That woman really creeps me out... Oh but this must be the molly house plot line. 

Back in Bedlam. The Shakespeare is continuing... you guys.

*makes a mental note that Lydia would be a great Alannys Harlaw for sad edits (help me chums)

I really love Harriet’s arc. omg THE THEME OF THE EPISODE IS SHAKESPEARE. Harriet’s brothel girls produce stripped down Shakespeare shows before the fucking commences. Truth though, that is my kind of brothel.

I want the backstory on why Nance wears that gold ring around her neck. Ha- Nance is just a big softie in truth. Okay a gripe though- WHY is Lucy not becoming a dom like Nance? They clearly set that up in the Season 1 finale but never went anywhere with it in Season 2- but they could now- since she is showing such dissatisfaction with her job- but instead she’s going to be a bawd? *Slams hands on table* Give me apprentice dom Lucy working through her trauma with Nancy storyline you cowards! It would be so great- they could use that storyline to give us more Nancy backstory too.

I know we aren’t supposed to like Isaac but something about him getting arrested is turning me on here. (But let’s be honest, I have to like Isaac cause it’s Alfie. I don’t have a choice. Like, I’ve been known to say that John Wick’s dog had it coming- just so we’re all on the same page here.)

Honestly I’m going to have to disagree with you Charlotte, I feel like the gibbet would have been better than Bedlam. I mean. Lydia could write self help books though I swear. Okay so it’s been a year- there was like a years jump- okay.

See, I like how they don’t just completely forget about the dead on this show. RIP Kitty. Aww I’d forgotten that Fanny named her daughter Kitty. I kind of shipped Fanny and Kitty. Now I’m really sad. They would have been a perfect little family.

Oh wow Lucy joined forces with Elizabeth and Fredo. I bet that will end well. 

Okay Isaac that was completely unnecessary. Leave baby Kitty out of this. Why does Alfie always get roles where he’s like harassing babies and dogs good lord. He’s so freaking good at them though lol.

Lydia and Isabella are so Shakespearean it’s verging on camp... and I love it. Oh... Lydia. Oh man... she thinks she is going mad. Charles, ffs, you make everything worse.

“A genius with a needle.” Oh no- it’s a hanging offense- again this is not going to end well. Lucy honestly has a noose wish.

Emily wants to learn the art of commerce. Emily is a Slytherin and we stan.

I need more Nance backstory dammit. 

This poor stable girl. I wasn’t listening well when she said her name. But God... poor thing.

THIS IS NOT A DRILL. NANCY BIRCH CAN SING. aww she’s singing Kitty to sleep. Oh no... you’re pushing it Alf. First the dog murder, then shouting cunt to a baby, and now trying to burn Nancy and Kitty during this sweet lullaby scene. Like you really want people to hate you don’t you? (In his defense I think he thought everyone was out of the house. Still, arson is not something to be trifled with in those times Isaac... christ. They didn’t even have like firefighters right? I mean, the whole city could catch on fire...) Alfie I swear it gets harder and harder to defend your characters’ actions with each role you play. But you know what, I am not going to even try with this one and instead I’m going to go with the idea that Isaac is just the kind of villain you love to hate. 

Oh Fuck you Alfie. Now I have to take back my previous statement because you’ve fucking got me with that line “this trade turns us into rats” and that look of regret. Damn you. 

Nancy get out of there... How dare you use Nancy and baby Kitty in this manner, show. I am beside myself.

Charlotte says “Let it burn.” No Char. That is not the attitude. Get some water. I get it though. She still wants to be free. She really should have left with that Irish what’s his name that was so lovely. But then she wouldn’t be on the show and I’d be sad.  

And we wouldn’t have Lady Fitz, which, speak of the siren... I kind of wish we had more info on what the hell happened between her and Charlotte this past year instead of this subplot with her daughter- I find myself not caring at all that her daughter is eloping. I mean, I know that there is some INTRIGUE about that but... we’ll have to see if it pays off I guess?

Final thoughts: AHHHH. I love this show. A quick search in the tag has shown me that people are unhappy? I thought it was great! But I do get what people are saying about the time jump. I found that confusing too. I also don’t think people should be concerned about Isaac ruining the Lady Harlot ship. I think that Charlotte and Fitz will be more of a slow burn and I’ve also seen speculation that Charlotte will seek shelter with Lady Fitz so maybe we will find out more about what happened with them next episode. Also, I just want to enjoy Isaac’s storyline in peace without shipping drama. (Um.. you do know you are on tumblr right selkie?) I think he is interesting, the human trashcan rhyming rogue. (And for the record I do ship Lady Harlot.)

Important Questions: Where the hell is Amelia and Violet and what happened with Amelia and Hunt? Surely they will be on next episode. A quick google search in IMDB for the cast list of the next episode has told me... absolutely nothing. So we’ll just have to wait and see. I see people freaking out that they cut them from the show. I suppose it is possible but I certainly HOPE not. I think they just had a lot to get through with this first episode. They will be on next episode. I am willing it into existence. 

Ahhh, I’m so excited this show is back. 

[izzy-b-hands]

20-30!

Thank you so much for asking!!!!

20. Favorite character to write?

Already answered, but I don’t mind re-answering cuz I thought maybe I’d narrow my three way tie, but alas, no lol. Still a tie between Ahkmenrah, Snafu, and Skwisgaar.

21. Least favorite character to write? 

Ooh-tbh, Larry from NATM just because I feel like I always make him an asshole? Like, I haven’t published all my fic ideas for NATM because I keep making him really mean? And in some it works but in others I’m like ‘jesus chill Lee he’s just a Dude trying his best’ but also at the same time I feel the way Stiller played him and his character arc means he’s got some major ego to him as the films go on? Idk that isn’t a hot take or anything just me being frustrated with Ben Stiller lol

22. Favorite story you’ve ever written? 

Hard choice, because I love all my kids, but I cried after writing this one lol: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186781309036/you-know-that-i-love-you

It hit some personal stuff for me, so to be able to have it work organically in a fic so I could also like, mini therapy session myself? Cool af. Also, ppl seemed to like this a lot too, and while that validation isn’t the only reason I write, it’s always cool when my writing makes ppl happy. 

23. Least favorite story you’ve ever written? 

I don’t really have a least favorite, but I do have some I’m more frustrated with, due to how long they took me to write, etc. Currently? The answer to this is my Mark the Date series because A. it is taking me a day and an age to finish it and B. I feel like it kinda flopped, so it’s hard to pull up any energy to finish it, but like...I may as well now lol. I’ll get it done eventually.

24. Favorite scene you’ve written? 

Oh god tbh I have too many I love just cuz like

I can go back to how I felt writing them and yeah

But as of most recent fics, I really this bit: 

-Snafu patted the blanket near his head, and waited for Eugene to put out his pipe and lay back beside him before snuggling close to him. “You could be right. Could be God. Could just be love.” “How’s that?” “I think love has its own way. Even before you meet someone, even before you know you’re fallin’ for ‘em. Love’s just…out there, like the air or somethin’. Finds you when the time is right, and finds who you click with. You gotta do the rest, the stayin’ in love part, but that bringing together, that first spark…that’s love just existing, and doin’ what it needs to so the world keeps spinnin’, so people make it through tough shit,” Snafu replied. “I like that,” Eugene said. “Think love did a good job with us. Makin’ sure we found each other.” Snafu pressed a kiss softly to the corner of Eugene’s mouth. “Sure did. Wouldn’t ever want to be with anyone else. I don’t even know what that looks like, and I don’t want to.” “Same here,” Eugene’s mouth was warm as he kissed him back. “Here’s to love for making sure you found me.” -

from this fic: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186926226531/absolution-is-the-taste-of-your-lips

Because I’m sappy af more than I let on, and also this was a chance to like, write out my own feelings via Snafu. And that was a pretty cool and fulfilling thing for me, ya know? 

25. Favorite line you’ve ever written? 

oh god this is another hard one to narrow down but

I always come back to this line and go ‘oh shit did I really write that. Nah, someone better than me at this had to have. They briefly possessed me or something”:  

-Music and talking and shouting and footsteps collide kaleidoscopic in his ears, but none bearing the one sound that he’d run to if he heard it.-

from this fic, mentioned twice now in this post lol: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186781309036/you-know-that-i-love-you

I really love alliteration, and for me this line just sums up how it feels to walk thru a city when you aren’t just wandering really, but are looking or waiting for someone, and have that awful yet sometimes good feeling of expecting to hear or see them but it feels like you’re waiting or searching forever and in the meantime the city just lives on around you, a stopped platelet stuck in a vein full of vitality. Like, idk if it hit any of my readers that way, but that’s what I was trying to get across lol, so the line always hits me hard in a good way when I scroll thru my writing tag and see it. 

26. Story you’re most proud of? 

Gosh

I gotta choose just one kid for this aldsfkja I’m bad at choosing I love my gaggle of ragtag goofballs. I have an original piece I’d choose for this, but I’ve never posted it on here, so I’m gonna choose out of my fanfic on here instead.

One I am really proud of is this one: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186781309036/you-know-that-i-love-you

and I know it’s the third time it’s been part of an answer on here but

I really love this one idk. Thinking back to how I felt while writing it, how it all flowed in a certain way. The whole experience was just something else, and I’m proud of this one in a certain way I find myself, funnily enough, unable to describe. 

27. Best review you ever got? 

Okay this sounds cheesy but like

I really do love and appreciate every review or review-like thing I’ve ever gotten so I can’t choose just one for this

Like, y’all gotta understand, I’ve deleted some of it and erased traces of it from my blog, but I’ve written for years on here, I have some stuff on my ao3, and for the longest time I got nothing back, or very nearly nothing. Maybe a few likes, but no comments and not much else. I always just rolled with it and assumed I just wasn’t writing anything good enough to inspire reviews. Idk if that’s true or not, but in any case it means I cherish every comment, like, reblog, and anything review-like in nature because I’m so grateful to have it now, and I know it could well be pure luck that I stumbled up on a really supportive bunch of fandoms with great readers. 

In other words, thank y’all for every kind word and like and reblog and also I may be an immortal feeding off of validation of my art, but we’ll see on that last bit, because I haven’t tested it. 

28. Worst review you ever got?

One from middle school. I’d just finished my very first novel, gave it to a friend to read, and he said it ‘smacked of being too fanciful and childish, something only kids and women would read’ (it was a YA fantasy novel so I mean... what exactly he expected, idk cuz he knew what it was before I gave it to him, like it’s supposed to have those elements as a lot of these sorts of novels/stories do, and that isn’t a bad thing about them at all, so like...what his damage was idek.)

Also this is the same dude who texts me randomly and is really weird abt his friendship with me and happens to be an English teacher now (RIP to his students.) 

Anyway, after he said that I tossed a review right back, because well, middle school and also I was very upset with him because I’d not asked for anything other than a general ‘if you picked this up randomly and started it, would it suck you in enough to keep reading or would you put it down’ like that was literally all I needed him to answer for me. So I told him his latest novel (his second at that point) was essentially just him masturbating to his own opinions (because he’s an arguer, who loves to tell ppl they’re always wrong, and that’s by his own admission) for one hundred pages, and not in a way that anyone else would care to read. He was pissed, but so was I. We didn’t talk for a good week, and we had almost all our classes together lol. 

Like, getting nothing back in review sucks too, but this one has stuck with me forever. Best part? I mentioned it to him a few years back, and he only vaguely remembered it, and followed it with “but I’ve said a lot of rough stuff about your work. I mean, it deserved it at the time, but you might be good at this someday!” 

I didn’t smack him, but I really, really wanted to. 

29. Favorite story/poem of another author

This doesn’t specify on Tumblr or not, so I’ve got two: one from outside tumblr, and one from on here.

A. When I have Fears That I May Cease to Be by John Keats

When I have fears that I may cease to be   Before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain,Before high-pilèd books, in charactery,   Hold like rich garners the full ripened grain;When I behold, upon the night’s starred face,   Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,And think that I may never live to trace   Their shadows with the magic hand of chance;And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,   That I shall never look upon thee more,Never have relish in the faery power   Of unreflecting love—then on the shoreOf the wide world I stand alone, and thinkTill love and fame to nothingness do sink.

B. Again, this Tumblr one could be a huge ass list because y’all on here are amazing, but one I’ve been rereading over and over again recently is @xmxisxforxmaybe ‘s Remnants series, which can be found here: https://xmxisxforxmaybe.tumblr.com/post/186702235396/remnants-complete-work

Like, Ahk as a character is captured so well, and I love the way the plot twines and also when the smut comes up? Very good A+ smut, something I value pretty highly on and off Tumblr because man, sometimes smut is just work to write, so I appreciate it when it’s really good. All around, this series has captured my heart and I legit have a link to it saved on multiple devices so if I need something to read, I can just pull it up right away. 

30. Hardest part of writing? 

Self-doubt. It’s the biggest hurdle for any artist, regardless of the art in question I think, but with writing it seems to double down a lot. Like, you have to really get out of your own head, even as you spend all your time there with your writing ideas. Shit gets weird and twisted, man. 

For the longest time, I really let self-doubt defeat me too, and I regret the time I lost to that. I still get hit with it randomly, cause I don’t think it every really goes away for any writer, not even the big names like Stephen King or Neil Gaiman (who I’m half tempted to @ on here purely because I wanna know his feelings on this stuff because I respect and admire him as an artist and his thoughts very much, but also he’s a very busy man so I’m not gonna bug him by doing that lol.) 

All there is to do is to work with it, push past it, and most importantly keep writing. I have days where that feels like the hardest thing, but each day I manage to get past it and get the words down? I let myself feel proud of that, and mark it as an achievement in my Big Book of Stuff I’ve Done in This Life. 

[3rdgymbros]

no hell had ever burned so sweet

A/N: This was inspired by @hanihana's wonderful comic on tumblr, and I hope I've done her art justice! If you haven't already seen the villain! katsudeku AU, you totally should. That being said, this is my first time writing katsudeku (let alone in an AU setting), and I hope I haven't made them too OOC! Please scream at me in the tags or in the inbox!! (There’s slight NSFW, so it’s been put under a read-more~)

Kendou finds him in the morning, poring thoughtfully over his collection of notebooks. He’s spread them out on his desk; there are only a few blank pages left in his latest one, and he’s managed to add an entry or two about some upcoming heroes who have managed to catch his eye. Soon, the book itself will need to be changed, and maybe he’ll write more in it, when all he sees is his own writing.

“I’ve got news, boss.” She says by way of greeting, waving a sheath of newspapers about in the air.

Izuku lets out a noncommittal hum, studying the auburn haired girl as she strides into the room. Exhaustion from pulling an all-nighter drags at him like wet winter clothes after a swim. The king-sized bed had felt empty, wrong, without Kacchan in it beside him, and he hadn’t felt like crawling into a bed that was far too big for him and attempting the farce of sleeping.

Not that they’ve been doing much sleeping as of late.

Even in the bedroom, Kacchan had an improper tongue. Hearing those sweet, filthy words pouring out of his mouth was always a turn-on, and he’d come right on the spot, with only Kacchan’s hot mouth wrapped around his dick. Surprisingly receptive, Kacchan had mercilessly exploited his weakness; taunting him with all the things he planned to do to Izuku once they were alone, unravelling Izuku with both his words and body whenever they kissed and touched and fucked – though not always in bed.

“Boss.”

How persistent. But Kendou’s voice is enough to clear the lust fogging up his mind.

The mantle of responsibility falls hard back onto his shoulders. Izuku takes Kendo in with tired, lidded eyes, his expression giving nothing away. He might be running on fumes, but his mind is as alert as ever, going full speed with his observations.

She’s wearing makeup and perfume. Subtle, smells like vanilla and marigolds. The jacket’s new, she bought it last week. Her boots are a little too tight; they’re pinching her toes on the left foot. The dress is low-cut and flashy; she’s planning to go out for some fun. Her mouth is turned down at the corners, her eyebrows are drawn together.

“Bad news, hm~?”

There’s a statement behind the honey-laced question, and Kendou knows it. Tension pinches her freckled cheeks and rapidly drives the colour from her complexion. Izuku studies her all the while, a specimen under the microscope.

He waits.

Her expression closes and darkens. “It’s Bakugou. He’s . . .”

The very name chases wishes of sleep from his head and battles the exhaustion back to the periphery of his mind.

“What about Kacchan?”

Rage eats at his calm. His anger burns brightly. He knows that Kacchan’s more than capable of looking after himself, but his childhood friend has been the only constant in his life, and Izuku knows, without a shadow of a doubt that he’d kill anyone who dared to lay a finger on his Kacchan.

“It’s Bakugou,” Kendou says again, almost ruthlessly calm and unperturbed by the dark anger colouring his voice. She’s one of the few people who aren’t put off by his volatile mood swings, and talks to him freely, without fear of any repercussions. She can lift twice Izuku’s body weight and works harder than anyone to make sure the underlings aren’t causing any unnecessary trouble and drawing too much attention. Izuku’s grateful to have her around. “The pro-heroes caught him. He’s under heavy guard now, but our intel says he’ll be transferred to a maximum-security prison in approximately three hours.”

“Ah.” As if a switch has been thrown, Izuku relaxes and grins at Kendou. “Well, that’s fine then. You should have said something sooner, Kendou-chan!” He arranges his notebooks in a neat pile upon his desk, changing the subject with ease. “Do you want to grab some breakfast? I need some caffeine in my system.”

“I don’t mind, but – Wait. Boss. We have more important things to worry about – How is everything fine?”

His smile grows. “All we have to do is get Kacchan out before they transfer him, right? Problem solved.” Izuku hums thoughtfully. “On second thought, maybe we should postpone breakfast, hmm? I should probably get going.”

“Alone?”

“Well, seeing as how you’re busy going on dates with that boyfriend of yours –”

She flushes a bright shade of red that clashes horribly with her auburn hair. “It is not a date, I’m just –”

It’s always so easy to push her buttons. Izuku takes in her embarrassment with cold and detached amusement before waving a dismissive hand in her direction. “That’s fine. Have fun on your nondate with your nonboyfriend Monoma. No objections here.” His voice sharpens. “I’ll go and get Kacchan alone.”

His hands are sticky, stained red with blood. He wishes he’d worn his gloves today.

They’ve put Bakugou in a lightless place, stagnant and airless. Filth and despair seems to clog his every pore. He’s grown used to spending a life in the darkness, but it doesn’t suit his Kacchan, a force larger than life, a typhoon that hates to be contained.

The corridor is about thirty yards long, with cells on both sides. Some are padded cells with an observation window, long and narrow like an archery slit; in the centre of the door. Others are standard prison cells, with a wall of bars opening on the corridor. Izuku is aware of figures moving in the cells, but he spares them nothing, not even a glance.

He could care less if they rot to death in here.

His objective is one person only.

Bakugou’s cell is well beyond the others, facing only a closet across the corridor. It’s the only one fortified with heavy double doors of iron and steel. They’ve spared no expense in keeping him locked up, it seems. Izuku presses the button beside the doors, waiting for them to hiss apart and announce his arrival.

The cell is spotlessly white and brightly lit. Izuku walks in, his footfalls the only sound in the otherwise silent room, and takes it all in with a contemplative hum. Heavy canvas webbing keeps Bakugou bound tightly to a thick slab of concrete bolted to the floor. Barbed wire rings his neck, his chest, his arms. Beneath the webbing he wears a straitjacket and leg restraints.

Up close, Bakugou looks fine. His hair still sticks up in messy, unkempt spikes; his face is pale, the stark absence of colour emphasizing his brilliantly red irises. His lips are chapped and his nose is pink. He raises his head and grins as Izuku approaches. His eyes run up and down Izuku lazily, like the stroking paws of a cat.

Izuku’s answering smile is as sharp as the edge of a blade.

Bakugou’s straightforward desire is enjoyable. No seduction, no pretence. His want is simple, and he does nothing to hide it or dress it under honeyed words.

“What took you so fucking long, Deku?”

Even chained up and bound with all manners of tracking devices, Bakugou is still as cocky as ever. A mocking edge to his question, made all the more pronounced by the rasp in his voice makes Izuku’s stomach flutter. It brings sex to mind. Extraordinary sex.

The thought of his Kacchan tied and bound up with a length of rope, spread out prettily on their bed, writhing and moaning Izuku’s name over and over again, coming undone while Izuku pounds into him makes for a pretty picture, and sends a white-hot desire trammelling through Izuku’s veins.

His lips are dry, so Izuku licks them before answering, “Sorry, Kacchan. It took me a while to bypass their security system.”

“Heh?” Bakugou asks, teasing and mischievous, “The heroes gave you a hard time to save me, huh?”

Izuku’s eyes darken with desire. Bakugou licks his own lips, mirroring his gesture from several minutes before, as though he knows what Izuku’s thinking. Kacchan’s there. Right there. All perfect and gorgeous and smelling of soap and sweat. If they weren’t hard-pressed for time, Izuku would be fucking Bakugou senseless here and now, hearing him scream and beg as his nails rake their way down Izuku’s back –

“No, no, don’t worry about that.” Izuku smiles angelically, in a way that completely dismisses the other’s concerns. “Getting through their defenses was actually fun.”

Izuku bubbles out a laugh that’s tinged with mania. He’s lost count of the number of heroes he’s killed, the wake of bodies he’s left in his rampage; the only evidence he has is staining his hands, dripping and splattering onto the linoleum tiles in a soft crimson rain. “But Kacchan, saving people is what heroes do. And I’m not a hero. Neither are you. We abandoned that title a long time ago, remember?”

“Oh yeah, that’s right.” Bakugou hums in approval, the sound as warm as bathwater.

It manages to bring a genuine smile to Izuku’s face. Few things these days have the ability to make Izuku happy – and even now, Kacchan can still make him smile. It’s something that hasn’t changed from when they were kids, bright-eyed and young and naïve, playing at being heroes with sticks and capes made of blankets.

Izuku isn’t connected to these dreams on a personal level. Not anymore.

“I’m not here to save you.” Izuku purrs, leaning forwards to nuzzle his nose along the sensitive spot behind Bakugou’s neck, so that his words vibrate into skin and bones. He can’t make Kacchan scream his name yet; but hearing his sudden, sharp intake of breath is enough to satiate him. For now. “I’m here to pick you up.”

It elicits a growl from Bakugou. “Quit teasing and just fucking kiss me already, Deku.”

Izuku bites back his amusement, running his fingers through the sweat-damp roots of ash blond hair. “Why, since you asked so politely, Kacchan!”

Izuku knows he’ll pay for it later, that he’ll be reduced to a quivering, panting mess on the bed, begging to feel Kacchan’s dick inside of him. But when Bakugou’s pupils darken, Izuku takes a single sip of his arousal and finds it exquisite. That’s enough teasing for today.

Chuckling lightly, Izuku leans forwards, mindful not to snag himself on the barbed wire. With another growl, Bakugou surges forward and kisses Izuku hard, bruising his lips. Izuku’s hands twine themselves in ash blond hair, fisting it roughly, holding him in place so he can’t turn away. He bites the tongue that Bakugou thrusts aggressively into his mouth, then his lower lip, tasting blood. Izuku sighs. A slow, hot trickle of arousal gathers deep in his bones.

“Let’s go home, Kacchan,” Izuku breathes against Bakugou’s mouth.

“Yeah, but before that –” The cutting rasp to Bakugou’s voice becomes more pronounced, and Izuku feels his stomach clench in anticipation.

“Hm?” Izuku hums lightly, feeling a dark grin spread across Bakugou’s lips.

“Release me and let me burn this place to the fucking ground.”

It’s incredibly easy to get Bakugou riled up, and each and every time, Izuku relishes the sight of it. A feral smile is stretched taut across his face. The sparks in his eyes fly into his darkness like fireflies down a cave.

God, how Izuku wants him. The craving hasn’t gone away, not even for a minute.

“Oh, Kacchan,” Izuku coos, his fingers already making quick work of the wires and straps, “Stop being so charming, will you?”

[shadowfae]

I've recently stumbled across the word "otherkin" and it seems to describe certain feelings I have, but the tumblr tags seem to be full of unuseful information and, well, silliness. I'm sort of looking for people to talk to while I try to sort myself out, without making too much light of it. Do you have any advice on sifting through everything?

Besides going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA’ and never doing anything about it?

First things first. You’re new, so we’re going to divide this into two parts. Part one, crash course on otherkinity, alterhumanity, and the little branches of it you should know about. Those words and terms will help you figure out what’s what. Part two is great, you know all these terms, how do you sort through the mess that is kinfeels. 

Under a readmore because long, since I ramble sometimes. I’m glad you asked, and if you have any further questions, hit me up again and I’ll do what I can.

Part One: What Even Is Otherkinity

Otherkinity is identifying involuntarily and nonphysically as something nonhuman. You aren’t saying you are physically this thing (as you are physically human), you cannot choose to be this thing and can’t choose not to be this thing, and you do not identify as human 100%. 

The modifiers: Fictionkin means you can be something that is human, but it must be fictional (like Harry Potter or Percy Jackson or smth). You can be a member of a fictional species that isn’t human (like the Elf Queen’s Daughters of the early 70s that started the fictionkin community). It is still involuntary and nonphysical.

Otherkinity is divided into three ‘main’ branches: therianthropy, otherkinity, and fictionkind. Therians (or therianthropes) ID as an animal that has been or is on Earth. Like dinosaurs or foxes. There are an absurd amount of wolf therians here on tumblr. Those that are obviously faking or haven’t questioned enough for even themselves and just went with ‘wolf’ because it’s cool are called wolfaboos. Usually I just don’t talk to them, since to each their own and they’re not actively being annoying, but please don’t just “oh I’m not human clearly I’m a wolf” the moment you get kinfeels. Things don’t... work... like that...

Anyway. Otherkinity as a sublabel of itself generally has within it our conceptkin (I’m calling it that for now. Things like voidkin or starkin), theriomythics (fantasy animals within mythology such as unicorns and youkai), draconics (draconity, which is dragons and pretty self explanatory), the vampire and were____ communities, and probably a few others.

Fictionkind I already went over. I have three kintypes that are fictionkind in nature. They are called fictotypes for this reason. (Kintypes is the label for all of them, but there is also theriotypes and fictotypes for therianthropy and fictionkind.)

Those fictotypes are Pale Noël from the Evillious Chronicles, a noncanon Devil from DSP’s works, and an Absol from Pokemon. As I have more than two kintypes, I am in what we call ‘polykin hell’. Though tbh, most people put themselves in polykin hell when they’re up past five. Poor guys.

The things that are close to otherkinity but not actually it!

Copinglinkers- They ID as something voluntarily to cope with something. Usually trauma or mental illness. While not otherkin, they are alterhuman and do belong in our community. They are also called copingkin, which is a bit outdated but since copinglink is a new term, I’ll let it slide. (It was coined by @who-is-page, actually, and they are a delight to follow if you want to see antikin absolutely dragged through the mud.)

Otherhearted- Those who identify not as something but with it. As an example, I am faehearted and shadowhearted. I identify with those things because one of my fictotypes did, and that carried over. It is very easy to mistake heartfeels for kinfeels. Regardless, like c’linkers and ‘kin they are alterhuman and totally rad.

Synpaths- Tbh I’m not quite sure what’s the difference between synpaths and ‘hearted. (I have heard it is ‘ID with this’ versus ‘I want to hug that’ but you should not be asking me; as I don’t have a fuckin’ clue.) Either way, if you think you have a synpath go research that. Please don’t ask me, I don’t know. All I know is that they exist and they do stuff, so they’re worth mentioning.

There are also ways to be otherkin, for lack of a better term. Ways you explain why you identify as these things. There are two main ‘branches’ to this: spiritual and psychological. There are also religious, cultural, and probably a few other reasons, but let’s go with the ones off the top of my head.

Spiritual- Can be anything from ‘my soul is this and my body is not’ to ‘I was this in a past life, and it is still relevant’. (You can have past lives that aren’t kintypes. The difference is simply how much they affect you. I do believe I had a life a fuckass long time ago in second age Senntisten, but as it isn’t relevant outside of vague memories of fire, it isn’t a fictotype of mine.)

Psychological- Anything from ‘I used this as a c’link at one point but it is now irreversible, and I am this now’ to ‘My brain decided to be wired weird and now I ID as this’. Essentially, you have a psychological reasoning for being kin or hearted or whatev. Psychological otherkin get thrown under the bus a lot because really angry copinglinks insist they’re kin and we’re “gatekeeping ableist jerks”. The difference is that c’links choose and can drop their identity. Psychological otherkin cannot. The line can be pretty blurred, and in that case you’d best just slap down “I am this, currently questioning if c’link or kintype”. Literally nobody can yell at you for that. I’ve had to do it before. Never did figure out what it was, but it doesn’t matter now.

Religious- I don’t see this one as often, but I think it’s something along the lines of ‘my God wants me to feel like I’m this for X reason’? Or maybe it’s a past life thing that your religious says you have. (I think Buddhism does that, but I am no religious scholar and I might be wrong.) 

Cultural- I’ve seen this mostly in Native American folks, but I’m sure they’re not the only ones. What I have seen is ‘my family have always been crows, so I am a crow therian’. I don’t know much about Native cultures, despite having grown up around them, so I suppose if you had cultural reasons, you’d already know? I do believe spirit animals play into this, but I’m what we call ‘exotic white bread’ and I am not the authority. But I also don’t know who to redirect you to about this. Hm. I’m gonna have to go asking around.

And of course, to finish off part one: multiplicity. That’s a fun one.

Multiple systems aren’t kin. Not hearted either or anything. They’re the other ‘main branch’ of being alterhuman. They are usually several people trying to pilot one body. They use terms like fictive, which is not fictionkin(d), though the two get confused an awful lot. A fictionkind person is someone who IDs as someone or something fictional. A fictive is a part of a multiple system who IS that person, with usually no other identity. 

Using myself as an example: I am fictionkind, and one of my fictotypes has green hair. I do not have green hair right now, and that fictotype is not my entire identity. A fictive is more like “hi I’m Harry Potter and I live here now, in your body, with you”. That would be his entire identity: he is Harry Potter.

Factives are close to that, but real people that do or have existed on Earth. That’s like “hi I’m Shakespeare and I live here now”. It’s possible to have system members that are neither. That’s chill.

Supposedly, multiple systems can be both trauma-born and not-trauma-born. The latter is usually called endogenic, I think. DID/OSDD are two disorders that cause multiplicity, but as far as I know they are not the only ways to have multiplicity. You can soulbond and things, which is like the copinglink for multiplicity as in you bring someone in voluntarily. (Tulpas are also a multiplicity thing.)

Part Two: How Do I Deal With Maybe Being Otherkin Without Just Screaming Into The Void

First things first. My way is not the only way to do it. It is one method, but it tends to work for lots of people so here’s the method I know. It’s chill to ask around and figure out what others do, and then find the method that works for you.

Second things second. Do not ask a pendulum or divination blog to kinfirm something. It is a terrible method. You can divine yourself, but do not ask anyone online. Nobody’s divination is always right, and when you’re doing it online, the chance of being right drops exponentially. Bad method, 0/10 do not recommend. (You can totally divine for yourself, though. My tarot deck is particularly sassy about my own god complex from kinfeels.)

And the actual method.

1. Go create a sideblog. Name it whatever, find a nice theme you like. Make sure it is readable and not just pretty.

2. Make a tags page. I suggest doing this over a couple of days, because you are going to forget what tags you need. You want to sort between ‘angry vagueing about nothing making sense’ from ‘feels related to this’.

3. Document EVERYTHING EVER. If you think it is kin related, write that down. If you have vague memories of something, write that down too. Tag it appropriately, if only so you can find it later. (’tag later’ is a good tag if you’re on the go and know you’ll forget if you don’t write it down now.)

What I also do is fill this blog specifically with images that resonate with me. I use a queue and tagging system for this. (White blossoms is the tag for gentle TLW things; whereas black blossoms is General Edge(TM).) You should put images that resonate with you in a Particularly Kin Way on that blog. If it’s art or anything, remember to source it, though. Reblog, don’t repost. 

Also, if you’re into requesting things from kin blogs like stimboards or aesthetics, have a reqs tag for them! Keeps it all in one place and you know where you got them from. I like JUST put in mine and I am angry I didn’t do it before.

Then, self introspection. You need to ask why on everything ever. Question things. Do you do insertthinghere because your parents said so, or does it seem like you just have to? 

If questioning feels very upsetting or uncomfortable, stop for the day. I don’t recommend any more than an hour and half in one go. Your brain will confirm things that aren’t true in order to work with you. (Confirmation bias, I think it’s called.) Keep the questioning to short bursts, even if you’re on a roll.

If you must go longer, document document DOCUMENT. Writing things down makes them clearer, and halfway through writing you’ll go “oh shit that’s why that happens”.

It’s okay if your writing is messy or only makes sense to you. This is all your own, and how you go about it is entirely your decision. 

Questioning should take you weeks or months. There are a few outliers who can kinfirm something in two days and be right, but let’s be honest here: nobody likes them because we all envy them and want to be them, so we don’t like them. All jokes aside, keep it to a pace you can handle and don’t bite off more than you can chew.

Got all that? Good. Now do a shit ton of research. If you’re questioning, say, harpykin, chase links across Wikipedia and read everything you can get your hands on about harpies. You might come across something else that’s close to it: off the top of my head, the Maximum Ride series, for example, is close-ish to harpies. Check that out too, but if it doesn’t resonate, don’t push it. If it ain’t a thing and you know it isn’t, don’t bother with it, it’ll get you nowhere.

Ask around! Don’t be afraid to ask someone “hey do you think this could happen?” Nobody’s input is the end all be all, but if they’re someone you think is educated on the matter, take it into consideration. (You would not believe how much of an idiot I felt like while doing research on demonology and a friend pointed out that Christianity is not the only religion with demons. It’s obvious, but never occurred to me. You will get that feeling at some point. Happens to the best of us.)

Lastly, go at your own pace. And if you have done all of this, it will be several months from now. Go back and look at your oldest kin documents. You will understand it all so much better, and you’ll mentally high-five your past self for knowing so little, but being so full of hope anyway.

Of course, if after all of this someone tries to invalidate you, it won’t work. You’ll have done the research, the self introspection, the grueling grind of “why why why?”. They can’t tell you the sky is red if you’re not colourblind. If they try to grill you for your information, you can point them nicely towards your probably-a-trainwreck of a sideblog and they will see your documented adventure of ‘what am I?’. And then they will stop talking, because you have proven that you know what’s up.

And as the very last piece of advice? You will be wrong. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You can be questioning. You can say “I don’t fucking know!!”. You are allowed to have bumps and wrong turns in your journey. They will happen. It’s okay. Take a deep breath, see where you might have made a mistake, write that down, and keep going. Progress is progress. You’ll figure it out eventually, no need to know it all right this very minute.

I hope this helps, little anon! This is how I came to find out I was- and I’m not done yet, either. I have some oceanic kinfeels that I know exist but don’t know what they are: fuckers better show themselves to me soon because I’m onto them. Who knows where that adventure will take me.

[melancholiablackbile]

A lot of questions... my my, someone's curious lol

@black-satin-dancer tagged me, cheers dude :D

Rules: answer all the questions, add one of your own and tag as many people as there are questions …pshh please, let’s keep it realistic - I don’t even know that many people irl. (also didn’t feel obligated to answer the Dragon age/Mars effect questions, because I’ve never played it)

1. coke or pepsi?

Neither. I absolutely hate fizzy sweet drinks lol. The only thing I enjoy is kombucha and I’ve had ginger ale which I can tolerate. (btw did you know there’s something called bacon soda? I just found out and I’m absolutely horrified and disgusted. pls burn this knowledge out of my brain thank)

2. disney or dreamworks?

I don’t have a preference, nor am I overly invested in any of the two, so it depends. By Disney I really like Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare before Christmas and Frankenweenie, to pick a few. As for DreamWorks, Penguins of Madagascar are THE SHIT omg 3. coffee or tea? I’m a tea person, however I enjoy coffee flavour in things

4. books or movies?

Both

5. windows or mac?

I use windows, don’t feel like I’m missing out or anything tbh

6. dc or marvel?

I’m only starting to get into comics, and I’ve probably seen more marvel films than dc ones, but I think I like dc a little more I like the older Batman films by Tim Burton.

7. xbox or playstation?

playstation. “OF COURSE we’re going to go with the ps4 - they’re blacker!” :D

8. dragon age or mass effect?

Haven’t played either, but was thinking about giving Dragon age a go

9. night owl or early riser?

aw shit dude, I don’t even know anymore. my sleeping schedule is so fucked up lately, I tend to be a night owl tho. But hey, time isn’t really anyway, so..

10. cards or chess?

both, but you can do more with cards. like chess is just one game, but there are lots of different card games. I personally identify with CAH, I think the company should hire me, because I’m a horrible person lmao

11. chocolate or vanilla?

chocolate all the way. I don’t eat it often, but when I do, I’m a snob about it - I only like the dark stuff (only vegan ofc). bonus points, if there’s dried fruit like berries in it. To sum it up (i’m taking this way too seriously and detailed lol, but I have insomnia ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) overall, chocolate flavour is better I guess, vanilla makes me vomit, it’s disgusting and I hate it. 12.vans or converse? I used to own a pair of converse, but neither are shoes I’d wear now

13. fluff or angst?

a good combination of both ehehe

14. beach or forest?

forests are awesome - they are green and smell amazing, you can spot a lot of wild animals and the atmosphere is very serene and calming. I’ll always pick forests over beaches, unless the beach is all sand or small round marble stones, the water is clear without the detached, rotting algae stuff that floats around and ew, the sun has fucked off so I don’t get sunburnt (my skin always skips the tan stage right to red and I prefer pale skin anyway) and all sweaty and shit, there are NO people beside those I’m there with and I do NOT spot any animal while in the water that’s bigger than like 5cm. Because even though I love and respect it deeply, I’m genuinely afraid of sea life, I don’t care that there are lots of totally harmless creatures. …lmao, I feel like a rich asshole saying all that - way too many demands. (sorry sea/ocean, I love you, but you freak me the fuck out)

15. dogs or cats?

I have dogs, but I love both. With dogs, the love is more likely to be returned though :D

16. clear skies or rain?

clear night skies for star gazing, rain during the day

17. cooking or eating out?

I eat mostly raw vegan nowadays, because it’s healthy I don’t have the energy to cook and can’t be arsed and I’m not too fond of eating in public so… preparing/eating food at home?

18. spicy food or mild food?

all the spices lol

19. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas?

How is this a question, have you met me? My whole existence basically revolves around celebrating Halloween like every day

20. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot?

The first one is way better imho, I’m usually a little too cold anyway (no pun intended omg) and I’m fine with that.

21. if you could have a superpower, what would it be?

Hydrokinesis (so basically I’d be a water bender ehehe) or Telepathy

22. animation or live action?

both are great (with the exception of some anime adaptations lol)

23. baths or showers?

showers don’t take too long, but baths are very nice from time to time

24. team cap or team ironman?

Team Loki, duh! No, but honestly, I’m not really invested in the whole civil war thing, but if cap is a nazi, then I’m team ironman

25. fantasy or sci-fi?

both are amazing and bring happiness into my life

26. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so, what are they?

I guess I have a lot of favourite ones, but these two came to my mind right now: “I do desire we may be strangers” (Shakespeare) it’s such a classy and eloquent way to tell someone you hate them :D “And so being young and dipped in folly, I fell in love with melancholy” (E.A. Poe) because ME tbh

27. youtube or netflix? 

Youtube, no netflix here

28. harry potter or percy jackson?

Harry Potter all the way. I’ve read the first Percy jackson pentalogy and don’t get me wrong, Greek mythology is awesome, but wizards over demigods

29. when do you feel accomplished?

Idk, when I’m able to do more than the bare minimum and when I totally Tony Stark the whole subject/study material the night before the exam. and probably smug/petty rather than accomplished - when I prove horrible people/people I don’t like wrong or do things they don’t approve of lol

30. star wars or star trek?

I have to say Star Trek but I love both

31. paperback or hardback books?

Hardback. HARDBACK!

32. horror or rom-com?

I’ve always gravitated towards horror - psychological, gothic, really bad b/c movie style, etc. - I get bored by rom-coms

33. tv shows or movies?

depends, but both. as an aspiring actor, beside theatre, I think I’d like to work on films over tv shows - if I ever get the chance to do so that is

34. favourite animal?

penguins, rats, corvids.. but like, birds in general and all animals are awesome anyway and precious and worth of life 35. favourite genre of music? alternative rock - which is a broad spectrum tho, so I guess rock sub-genres in general.. art rock, goth rock, punk rock my favourite (purely because of the name) is krautrock (aka kosmische Musik) which is the German term for space rock, but the literal translation is either herb or cabbage rock lmao :D throw in some psychedelic stuff, ambient music, experimental and classical and I’m good to go

36. least favourite book?

Madame Bovary. I think The Great Gatsby was boring too. I don’t usually read books without researching it a bit before so I can somewhat predict whether I’ll like it or not. (btw, if you’re into fantasy at all, 10/10 recommend reading the series A Raven’s Shadow by Anthony Ryan, he’s such an eloquent writer and the plot and characters are incredible! 37. favourite season? The season of Halloween - autumn all the way

38. song that’s currently stuck in your head?

Cinnamon Bone by Eliza Rickman. She has a really nice voice and combined with the melody it sounds very unique. Actually didn’t know who the singer was until a few days ago. She also performed in the weather section in a Welcome to Night Vale episode. Oh and I rewatched CATS the musical on Sunday, so like.. the whole libretto is playing in my head on loop :D I’ve pretty much known the entire thing by heart since I was like 8 lol

39. what kind of pyjamas do you wear?

Either boxer shorts or Levi Ackerman’s running titan pyjamas lmao

40. how many existential crises do you have on an average day?

I’m having an ongoing one since the age of 16 tbh

41. if you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be?

Space Oddity by David Bowie

42. favourite theme song to a TV show?

I’ve know this song before I started watching the show, but Far from Any Road from True Detective is amazing. And the opening to snk season 2 lol, it gets me all fired up and ready to salivate every time Levi appears cry probably idk :D

43. harry potter movies or books?

even though, they are problematic in some aspects, both have their charm (pun absolutely intended this time)

44. you can make your OTP become canon but you’ll forget that tumblr exists. will you do it? 

Bitch, my otp is canon. and I doubt anyone can really forget about tumblr - you can try and leave, but it will never leave you

45. do you play an instrument and if so, what is it? 

Not like professionally or since early childhood and all that, but I taught myself how to play the violin and I think I’m pretty decent. Same goes for drums. My dad and I low-key collect musical instruments, I think we have around 20+ pieces ^^

46. what is the worst way to die?

alone and helpless and in excruciating pain from whatever the cause was that didn’t kill you immediately though, so you have to suffer

47. if you could be entirely invisible for a day, what would you do? 

Be sneaky ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) lol idk, I’d do stuff anxiety and self-consciousness prevent me from in normal life. Okay, that is so pathetic, but my first thought was “I’d go swimming” … *wipes away a tear*

48. If you could have personally witnessed anything in history what would it be?

I feel like it’s kinda selfish and considering I’d choose this out of any moment in history maybe a wasted opportunity? but I would have loved to see David Bowie perform. Idk, I’m sure there’s more, but it’s 3am here..

49. If you could understand animals but you could never understand humans again, would you?

I find I often don’t understand humans anyway..

50. What is your most favourite album currently?

The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars by David Bowie is my go to favourite album, haven’t really listened to whole albums lately, just a few songs here and there 51. (my question) What is your favourite word/phrase/colloquiallism? Name one (or more) per language you speak c:

tbh, Jeremy tagged most of the people I’d tag too, so I’m just adding @the-river-dream-shore and @slecnaztemnot to this if they or anyone else feel like it ;) I’m going to sleep now hopefully~

Note: Wow, that’s a lot of reading material lol. Why did I sound so angry?? I was tired, so that took a toll on my answers, I promise I’m not that much of an asshole :D