#between them they have every mental illness. btw.

[scattered-winter]

seven sentence sunday

tagged by @moonlightbuckleys !!!! sending u ALL the kisses and hugs in the whole world MWAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is. an oc story im rotating. actually. most of u don't have context for them. but regardless <3 here <3 (also wayyyy more than 7 sentences but SHHhhshhhh)

Missy hesitates, raises a hand to stop Kit before he can leave. He pauses, turns back. Missy is fiddling with a long blonde braid, not quite meeting his eyes.

“There’s, uh. Something I’ve been working on,” she says, and then she reaches for her cluttered work desk and picks up a bracelet. It has large, round black beads, with intricate detailing carved into each one. She holds it up for him to see.

“It’s…a bracelet,” Kit deadpans, raising his eyebrows at her. He’s used to Missy tinkering with odds and ends, and even more used to her showing him her creations, but he doesn’t quite get why she’s so nervous over something so small.

Missy hesitates, rubs the back of her neck. He’s never seen her this nervous. “Look…see, the thing is…I made it for you.”

He must look confused, because she rushes to explain herself. “I’ve been studying those power suppression cuffs the humans use on us,” she says quickly. “It’s fascinating how they work, really, but I was hoping to reverse-engineer them to work for…well. What I was hoping.”

She holds up the bracelet to study it with an analytical gaze. “I…don’t know if it works. But if it does…it can neutralize your powers, Kit.”

Kit just looks at her, not quite believing what she’s saying. “You…you mean…this can…take my powers away?” It almost sounds too good to be true, but at the same time…it’s a terrifying thought.

“No, not quite,” Missy explains. “Just…turn them off for a while. You can control whenever you want them off, and disable the bracelet whenever you need to use them. But while it’s on…well, in theory, it’ll temporarily take away your powers and all the…side effects.”

Kit doesn’t know what to say. He just looks at her, mouth agape, trying to process what she’s saying. He could…he could touch her. He could hug her, like he’s always wanted to do. He ached for it always, a literal throbbing underneath his skin whenever he watched the others hug, or lean into each other, or ruffle each other’s hair. The longing for it, for physical contact, was almost more painful than anything else he’d ever experienced.

And now Missy was here, saying she could help him.

Fuck, he wanted to hug her now more than ever.

Instead, he lets out a trembling exhale and says, “Does…does it work?”

“I haven’t tested it yet,” Missy admits. “I mean…there isn’t really a safe way to do that…but. I don’t know. I just…I wanted you to know that I’m working on it. I won’t stop until I’ve figured it out, I swear.”

Gingerly, she hands him the bracelet, and Kit is careful not to let his fingers brush hers, despite the fact that he’s wearing gloves.

“I think,” he says slowly, not even daring to hope, “I can maybe figure out a way to test it. Without anyone getting hurt.”

Missy grins at him, dark skin smudged with some kind of oil from one of her gadgets. “Well, what are you waiting for?”

Kit hesitatingly smiles back and backs out of her workshop, knees wobbling. He isn’t quite sure how he makes it out into the hallway and up several flights of stairs to the very top floor, then the ladder up to the loft. To Ryker’s room.

He knocks softly on the trapdoor, and Ryker grunts an invitation. Kit sticks his head through the opening, and Ryker looks up from where he’s sunning himself on the floor, large wings spread wide to catch the sunlight streaming through the large skylight set into the roof.

“Hey, Kit. C’mon in.”

Kit climbs inside and carefully lowers the door closed behind him. Ryker shifts to a sitting position, black wings sweeping over the floor and coming to rest behind him.

Kit doesn’t know where to start. The bracelet is hanging from his grasp, cool and light, and Ryker is sitting in front of him in a beam of sunlight, so close but so incredibly far just like everyone else, and Kit doesn’t know how to cross the distance without hurting, without killing.

“Kit,” Ryker says, and it’s his soft voice, the one he uses when he’s trying to comfort one of the younger kids after a nightmare. “What’s going on?”

Kit swallows. He can do this. “Missy’s been working on a way to…to neutralize my powers,” he says, voice hitching involuntarily. “And the only way I can think of to test it without…without risking anyone getting hurt…”

Because Ryker is the only one who has touched him skin to skin and lived. Because his powers are unique, and his self-healing can keep up with Kit’s destruction, at least for a while.

It’s painful. Kit knows that. But it isn’t fatal, and that’s better than anything else.

He can see the moment Ryker understands why he’s come. “You need to test it on me,” he says.

Kit nods, barely able to draw in a full breath. He feels like he’s standing on the edge of a cliff, threatening to fall, and he can’t step back onto solid ground but he’s too afraid to take the plunge.

But Ryker just stretches out a hand, palm forward, fingers splayed, and just holds it there, in the space between them. And he just waits.

Kit draws in a shaking breath, slowly slips on the bracelet. He pinches a bead between his fingers, just as Missy had instructed, and twists it three ticks to the left. The carvings in the beads light up a cool, pale blue.

Then, with trembling fingers, Kit removes his gloves, one at a time. His fingers are pale, like the rest of his body probably is. He’s fairly sure his heart has stopped beating.

“Kit,” Ryker says, and Kit realizes he’s frozen up like a deer in headlights. “It’s okay,” Ryker continues, voice gentle. “We don’t need to—”

“No,” Kit manages to gasp. “I…I need to know.” If there’s a chance, if there’s hope, if he’ll ever find release.

Kit takes in a deep breath, squares his shoulders, and reaches forward. He’s moving in slow motion, swimming through syrup, as his hand slowly moves toward Ryker’s. Ryker doesn’t move, doesn’t try to reach for him. He just waits and lets Kit come to him.

Their fingers are a breath apart now, and Kit gathers his courage. He’s ready to pull away at the slightest sign of Ryker being hurt, at the slightest spark of his power surging into Ryker’s body. He reaches forward.

And their fingers brush against each other.

Kit pulls back immediately, in shock, in surprise, because he expected Ryker to flinch back, because that’s what always, always happened.

But there had been nothing. No spark of warmth, no crackle of fire in his veins. Kit slowly, cautiously presses the tips of his fingers to Ryker’s again, gauging his reaction for any indication that he needs to stop.

The only sign he gets is a smile, spreading slow and wide across Ryker’s face.

Kit keeps reaching, keeps moving, until their palms are flat against each other. Still, no burst of power, and Ryker is still smiling at him, so widely it must be hurting his cheeks.

Slowly, Ryker tangles their fingers, and their hands slot together like puzzle pieces.

And oh. His hands are rough, callused from battle, but they’re warm. It’s like everything Ryker had imagined, and at the same time it’s so, so much more.

He lets out a small laugh that cuts off into a hitched sob. Ryker is beaming at him, gently squeezing his hand, and Kit doesn’t know if he’s laughing more or crying as he squeezes back.

“It…it works,” he gasps through tears. “I…I didn’t think…” Then he gasps, sits up straighter as he remembers something important.

“What?” Ryker is looking at him in concern, their hands still tangled together, and Kit isn’t sure he ever wants to let go. “Are you okay?”

Kit stands, pulls Ryker up with him. “I need to go hug Missy,” he says, and Ryker grins.

“Well, what are we waiting for?”

tagging !! @soleadita and @xandromedan and @dauntingday and all my other writer friends!!!! and anyone else who wants to!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bruciemilf]

I really love your Bruce writing! I love when you talk about him being a father and how tragic it is ("tears of the father are wept by the son"?? Are you kidding me?? This line made me lay awake at night). And the most recent Bryce snippet? Wow! I love how you use the environment (like the knockoff cigars, oregano...), and how you write their dialogue, and when you write Bruce's uncle's??? Wow, I'm just in love 💕

Saw you recently posting about atsv! Didn't know you watched it! Was wondering if you have an Miguel-centric Headcanons? That's another man I'm unhealthy about

Thank you so much 💞

– @unfortunately-obsessed

THANK YOU!! to this day it’s pretty incomprehensible for me, when I realize, huh… People like my writing? My words? Oh wow oh wow ohwowowowow—

I appreciate you saying so!! Sadly, I severely neglected my blog/fanfics because of my job, but, I started working on a crossover fic between atsv and dc :) I just adore spider bat, so why not?

Also, some Miguel headcanons:

Layla sends Gabriel videos of Miguel falling, tripping, web breaking, etc, just flopping in general. If he annoyed her particularly hard, she’ll send some to Miles

SPEAKING OF MILES??

He picks him up from school when Rio and Jeff can’t make it, mostly for spider business, and the staff assumed they were related bc Miles called him Tio (WHICH IS SO CUTE BTW)

Whenever Miles needs a permission slip for places he knows for a FACT his parents won’t sign —

(because it’s outside New York, — and I actually think it’s super adorable they wanna be around him so much. Ik some see it as overbearing, but when you see so many parents actively hate their kids being around..)

He’ll get Miguel to sign it. But he’s equally as protective as Rio. “Who are you going with, Who’s that? I never met them. Address, phone number, and mother’s maiden name. When are you gonna be back? 2 days? No. “

He eventually signs it because Miles’ puppy eyes, man.

Still celebrated Gabriella’s birthday; He makes her her favorite dessert, buys something she would’ve liked, and lights up a candle for dinner. If he feels particularly alone, he’ll swallow up his hesitation and invite the spider kids over

This man breaths and bleeds work; You can’t think abt your mental illness if you can’t think about anything at all!!!

Obsessed with control; He needs to know every detail, every amount of information available, he has routines and scripts and gets irritated if they’re not followed

I think he actually did pay attention to Miles since he became Spiderman; I think, deep down, he knows HES the original anomaly. But it’s easier to break than fix. Especially when canon is involved.

Can dance like a mf

I know he technically has no favorites since everyone annoys him equally- it’s Mayday.

And Miles, strangely enough. But it’s hard to tell. Miles genuinely thinks this grown ass adult hates his absolute guts and made peace

But Gwen is like omg you asked for a shift change and he didn’t throw a drone at you?

[fitzrove]

Every time i look at 1992 uwe tod i come away thinking that tod just..... should be weird. We can't be having normie tods running around... I want him to be this completely inhuman figure who tries to get close to humanity (because how do you personify death??) but deeply misunderstands some things, especially things like human behaviour and emotions. Máté is good at this too, he just did it in a different way, but after those two the effect is never really potent enough again. I mean, there is something to say for prods with humanized or gentle etc tods, at least theyre doing something else than mrak seiber, but it's not quite it for me at least. He needs to be weird because Elisabeth is weird and, dissatisfied with her life, craves a poem in the flesh.

And for me personally (this is not me saying gender non conformity is weird or inhuman btw, it's not, it's just hot and looks good) i want back the mayerling dress and all that, and the actors should be styled accordingly, if he's not going to put on eyeshadow and blush and get dolled up to kill rudolf then don't fucking cast him?? There are enough musical actors out there who like straying from the mold, the overlap between drag performers and musical artists is not insignificant. Hell, if despite your best attempts macho guys are still the only guys you can find, then cast a woman (trans or cis - for a trans woman the role might be easier/not require rewrites, because of vocal range), cast a nonbinary performer. You don't really have to change stuff in the script, someone who's not a man can still be a "prince" if the styling is androgynous. It really is that simple...

also this should maybe be a separate post but 1992 is so iconic for portraying mayerling as a romance, rudolf running to embrace tod, twirly dancing, Big Damn Kiss (rudolf barely notices the actual act of shooting himself, he's so busy making out) - up until the very end, when rudolf is dumped unceremoniously on the floor. symbolism. It's such a better deeper way to tackle the subject. Suicidal ideation doesn't just beat you over the head violently, mental illness/depression lures you in with promises of a "solution" but actually only offers a miserable nothing.

This is also why it's so important for Elisabeth to get dumped on the floor as well - there's more care in that than in how Rudolf is treated, Tod is obviously distraught, but that's the point and the tragedy of the show!!!! Freedom is fleeting, dreams are fleeting, emotion is fleeting, but yearning for them is what makes us human!!

If he carries her away the moral of the story becomes "if you die you get a hot supernatural partner that's obsessed with you!!!" No!!!!!!! The romance narrative is a big lie, suicidal ideation is a big lie, history is a big lie, it's all connected, but we always cover shit up with kitsch because some people prefer a simple romantic reading to the degree that they warp the rest of the story around it. I stg people have just replaced sissi movie trilogy fairytale prince FJ (1950s) with elisabethdasmusical fairytale prince modern peugeot king mark seibert leather tod (2020s) or insert whatever other boyfriend death you prefer

[springtrappd]

i still think about "afton has dissociative identity disorder" guy sometimes not because he was outright wrong but because of how utterly insane the way he was wrong was. because the thing is that he wasn't wrong! afton does display various symptoms that indicate something is up with his sense of self*; he experiences extreme mood swings and shifts in personality, he references his various personas in the third person, doing elaborate dance routines to declare that that version of himself is dead, that he has numerous masks that he switches out at all, and just. Everything about him-as-spring-bonnie in tse**. i'd have to reread the trilogy to get you complete sources, but absolutely none of the things he says (or thinks of himself) are normal***, and they draw attention to this in the text every single time it happens. and naturally this is all up to interpretation, but it's a completely reasonable one to make given the circumstances****

like he was so so close to getting it but the ableism- and conspiracy-worms ate his brain and he jumped to "william afton has a split personality and is scott's secret self-insert meaning that the entire character is scott explaining that he, Real Guy Scott Cawthon, has dissociative identity disorder" rather than. just. "you can easily interpret afton as displaying symptoms of mental illness". which he does and you can.

CLICK HERE FOR FOOTNOTES:

[*] - psychiatric labels are names given to collections of symptoms to better categorise them for treatment/study; human beings are multifaceted beings by nature and thus often exist outside their narrow confines. it is pointless to argue the distinction between personality, mood and dissociative disorders in this context, as these titles are -- again -- tools to aid understanding. they exist to fit us; we do not exist to fit them. fictional characters, as entities that do not exist, cannot be definitively diagnosed or expected to behave in ways that satisfy the more psychiatrically-minded; however, viewing them through such a lens allows for a new perspective on their actions, and that is something vital to media analysis. the use of labels here are tools to assist in your understanding of what i'm discussing, not definitive statements of what something is (or isn't). He like definitely has a personality disorder though have you seen this guy, jesus christ

[**] - whether he's actually himself here (just concussed) or outright possessed is up to you. this is just a possible take on it, not necessarily the definitive one. i'm demonstrating an argument.

[***] - i do not know your own experiences and you should not judge yourself based on a random tumblr post about five nights at freddy's. it's okay if this aspect of afton's character resonates with you, or if you don't understand why a statement like this would be noteworthy from a psychological perspective. he is a fictional character who has been written the way he was with particular intent; you are a real person with lived experiences that cannot be confined to the page. there isn't (necessarily) anything wrong with you (and it doesn't matter if there is, btw) (see note 1), but this is used as a way to show that there is something wrong with him.

[****] - i have a dissociative disorder. you do not need to know anything more about it than that, and i will not be telling you.

[simcardiac-arrested]

Whats wrong with predator 2018?

it’s been like 10 days i’m tired but i CANNOT stay silent anymore The world deserves to know. you will not believe how awful this movie is

1. the moment the movie starts you just understand that it…is not going to be good. it was made in 2018 so of course it has that edgy self aware marvel humor of Uhmm he’s right behind me isn’t he ? (and then you check shane black’s other works and he directed iron man 3 and everything suddenly make sense) LIKE IM SERIOUS there’s just a scene in the first 10 minutes where this Woman In Stem character goes Lol why did we name this thing The Predator? it’s more like a Hunter or a Huntsman it’s more like a Bass Fisherman LIKE WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? WHAT AM I HEARING RN? it’s so fucking stupid and i hate this type of humor so much like CAN U BELIEVE WE’RE IN A MOVIE? ABOUT THE PREDATOR (DUMBASS NAME (LOL))????

2. i mention the Woman In Stem character specifically because she is. also not good. i’m not going to act like the predator movies have always been the best with female characters (even 1987 has its issues) but at least they were actually BEARABLE. The girl character in this movie is just like. this annoying 2010s smartass quirky girl archetype that we put in our movie because you wanted Women(tm) right? there she is we even made her quirky!!! we’re not going to give her a single likable quality though. we’re going to write her Bad . is this what u wanted ?

3. which is not trying to imply that the other characters are written Good . they’re all written Bad they all fucking suck. none of them have any charm or likable qualities and there’s nothing to get invested in. AND THEY DON’T HAVE ANY FUCKING DYNAMICS BETWEEN EACHOTHER!!!! it’s like they just exist in the same space and that’s It . they don’t get any interesting relationships or interactions . they’re all just so nothing

4. like halfway through the movie it just turns into unapologetic US army propaganda—which is fucking ironic if you know what the original predator was made for (commentary about american terrorism in central america in the 80s under reagan)—the main character’s wife just starts suddenly going off about how he’s so cool and doing so much for his country and he’s in the army waowww wowww We need to shoot everyone who’s worked on this movie and im serious.

5. i…..do not know who this movie was made for. like who is it supposed to cater to? one of its main things is autism and mental illness and yet it has the shittiest portrayal of both. But especially autism. like what if we made a movie about how autism is the next step in human evolution (?!) and autistic people are like superheroes basically (?!?!!!?) and the entire plot hinges on the fact that The Predator wants to become autistic by stealing the autistic character’s autism dna (?!?!?!?!?!?!?? WHAT? WHY ARE THERE EUGENICS IN MY PREDATOR MOVIE? IS ANYONE ELSE SEEING THIS?) (and then the autistic character in question like. actually has unironic superpowers. look he gets overwhelmed by sounds but he can instantly understand and translate predator’s alien language!!!!!!!!) And then the next minute one of the characters says Lol isn’t it crazy how we can’t say the r slur anymore? Fucked up world. LIKE SERIOUSLY WHO IS THIS MOVIE FOR? I FEEL LIKE THIS MOVIE WOULD PISS OFF BOTH THE “WOKE” AND THE “EDGY ALT RIGHT” AUDIENCES EQUALLY . shane black probably thinks autism speaks is a charity i dont even know

6. too much predator in this movie. When i say that they should make a predator movie where every scene has the predator in it YOU SHOULDNT FUCKING LISTEN TO ME IM JUST AUTISTIC. a predator movie is a THRILLER The Fucking Predator himself should appear like. a few times at least until the climax. but nooo this 2018 ass movie just has the predator running around in every scene (btw this predator moves really fucking weird in a human way. Like they usually at least make him move semi alien-like and uncannily, but this movie didnt even bother with that) (also their design is uglier than the original) (also it suffers from the same problem as the 2010 movie by adding a Bigger Cooler Buffer Awesomer Deadlier New Predator LIKE WHO ASKED FOR THIS. WAS MY OG WIFE NOT ENOUGH FOR U) Anyway yeah if you didnt get it yet: this movie doesnt understand what impact or subtlety is. at all

7. the worst thing is with the finale. you see every predator sequel loves to reference the original 1987 movie because well, it’s iconic! it has a lot of meaningful moments and lines! Specifically in the ending of the original movie, where the main character asks the predator “what the hell are you?” and the predator echoes it back at him. Supposed to symbolize us army = monsters who kill without meaning yadda yadda u get it. anyway so in the 2018 movie finale they start to reference this moment too. the main character asks And what the fuck are you (ooo f bomb we’re SOOOO edgy and 2018core) and when the predator starts asking it back the main character just goes SHUT THE FUCK UP😂 and shoots him. it’s like. my hatred for this movie was indescribable at that moment. I’ve never actually genuinely watched a marvel movie so i just took people at their word when they said it was a genre of movie that fucking hated movies. but after watching the predator (2018) which is basically a marvel version of predator? yeah i get it. What if they made a movie that hated its source material and had 0 respect for it. and also hated its audience. and hated being a movie

8. they made the dogs ugly

[majorbaby]

u know, u dont have to answer this but u keep mentioning a sidney post you made that you're not satisfied with bc u wrote it much earlier in ur mash analysis, and i have to wonder what you'd say about him now, as a character, as a narrative device, etc?

Sidney is so much a tool for storytelling that I would liken him to punctuation. He exists to draw out the inner thoughts, fears and desires of our more three-dimensional characters, most notably Hawkeye but also Margaret, Klinger, Charles and the patients he treats on the show. Their psychoses are so often based in their fears, their denial, their disbelief, their unwillingness to take personal responsibility for their circumstances – which is not usually how real mental illnesses work, but still makes for good television. 

I’ve also used to term “Sidney ex machina” to describe his function:

Deus ex machina; plural: dei ex machina; English "god from the machine" is a plot device whereby a seemingly unsolvable problem in a story is suddenly or abruptly resolved by an unexpected and unlikely occurrence.

The 4077th will hit a wall with a patient (sometimes the patient is Hawkeye) that they cannot overcome, because they’re experiencing an illness of the mind and they don’t specialize in that type of illness - although you could make an argument for Hawkeye “therapizing” his friends (Margaret in Images, Radar in Hepatitis, BJ in Period of Adjustment) but he’s still not trained. When this happens, someone will go “get Sidney on the line” and every time without fail, Sidney successfully fixes the problem. This wouldn’t land so well if he was a recurring character on the show. 

Hawkeye is so in touch with the inner workings of his own mind and heart I wouldn’t necessarily put it past him to be able to monologue his way through his problems, coming to the solutions on his own (maybe with the exception of GFA or Bless you Hawkeye) but you still get the sense that he already knows the answer, he just needs someone to help draw it out of him. That’s Sidney’s role. He’s really just there for Hawkeye’s voice to have something to bounce off of so it becomes audible to himself and us, the audience. 

There’s one brief exception to Sidney being used this way and lol, it’s no surprise to me its in the Written-by-Alan-Alda Dear Sigmund. Alda’s episodes do tend to deal more with character drama, and I imagine he couldn’t resist taking a stab at Sidney. We learn that Sidney’s struggling with the loss of a patient – but only after Hawkeye and BJ read his private letters, really his journal, which is rude as fuck btw, but to me unintentionally emphasizes how much of a barrier there is between the audience and Sidney’s thoughts/feelings/fears/desires. But I can’t think of any other occasion where we get to see what’s beneath his calm, cool, professional exterior. 

There’s other times I was curious about that.. In War of Nerves he’s supposed to be at the 4077th as a patient, but he leaves the mess tent because he has a head injury that no one is considerate of, and he ends up treating people when he’s the one who’s supposed to be recovering. 

If you choose to see Hawkeye as getting progressively worse as the war wears on him (and idk if I do personally because the show is so episodic but that’s another post) then I have to wonder what it feels like for Sidney to have to keep treating him, especially in Goodbye Farewell Amen, where we finally see a crack in Sidney’s normally neutral expression, his consummate professionalism, as Hawkeye comes clean about what really happened on the bus. Like… they’re friends, it’s already ethically questionable to have Sidney treat him, and then we see exactly why that shouldn’t happen when Hawkeye is understandably upset that Sidney has decided to send him back to the 4077th. There is a moment of forgiveness and gratitude that passes between them in Sidney’s final scene in the series when Hawkeye thanks him, not insignificantly while he (Hawkeye) is performing surgery (to me it feels like a nice callback to OR), which he’d previously wondered aloud to Sidney whether or not he’d ever be able to return to. 

And here I am again saying that “flat” characters, of which Sidney is MASH’s best example, aren’t poorly written when they’re fulfilling their intended purpose, which Sidney does very well almost every time we see him. He’s so good at his job that it even feels weird for me to talk about his thoughts and feelings in fic, I want to get him in there, have him draw out the interiority of whichever character he’s in conversation with and then be like “glad we had this chat, peace” and actually that is how I see him being used pretty regularly in fic. 

Btw this is the Sidney post that gets on my nerves, not because I disagree now with what I said… actually that post is just this post stated too simply for my liking and it got way more traction than I ever imagined it would, so obviously it appeals to something that people feel, but I didn’t state what it was. It’s so vague it reads like a fandom in-joke. So thank you for giving me the push to show my work. 

[kerubimcrepin]

Episode 39 - The Love Killer

AKA the yandere dogboy episode. Yippie!

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. To bring back the meme:

God won't let me die...

The translation is not finished because I do not give a fuck, but here is where I stopped. I doubt anyone else will give a fuck either, considering it's just a keysmash.

He's never beating those japanese-coded allegations.

Silly aprons are a family tradition.

I wonder if this is where Kerubim lived considering he, like... didn't have a house. Or a family.

Oh my god, the shitty magical merchant guy had a shitty magical merchant mom.

I see claws on a catboy and my brain turns off. Kill me.

You can't be talking like that, Ouginak baby. Btw the can says "fish".

KERUBIM LIKES TO COOK. SEE? I TOLD YOU. I TOLD YOU. He's an Amaknean boy, like Yugo. And he's cooking crepes!

Though, he's... bad at it.

Presented without commentary.

Do not be making that face while in the same litter box as Keke, oh god.

Ecaflips use litterboxes confirmed.

UNDERAGE DRINKING REAL.

I bet Kerubim is the one who buys bamboo milk for the gang. He can probably pass for a very short ecaflip man, instead of a teenage boy.

People reading my blog talking about it be like: this is scary, downright creepy.

Also, whatever I imagine happened between Kerubim and Atcham is also scary. Even downright creepy.

The Astrubian lake tower, my beloved.

Somehow, despite being a boy, Kerubim has managed to have two evil adolescent girl friendships that end in your friend (who is a tar pit) sending you messages saying that she will "kill you with a knife" the next time she sees you at school. (One with Patafiks, and another with his literal brother.) This too, is feminism.

I like to think that while in the orphanage, he had to break up like this with Atcham too. Like "I know we're brothers, but um. uh. I don't want to be seen with you anymore. I mean—— you get beat up constantly, and people hate you, and then they hate me when you're nearby. Which is a bummer. Also you threaten everyone too much after they beat you up, and it's stressful. And I can't take it anymore... We can still be friends though,, haha."

I like to think Atcham's response was "I AM GOING TO KILL MYSSSELF AND IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT." or something. I like to imagine he had that ~mentally ill child~ style flair for the dramatic at that age. I like to think they were both awful to one another.

Another thing I like to think to myself, is that Atcham got kicked from the orphanage and ended up in Brakmar, and the reason he got kicked out is stabbing someone. Perhaps Keke, during some argument, — or perhaps someone else, in retaliation to whatever bullying he was going through. And that Kerubim was scared shitless of him by the end.

I just think it's a fun thought.

Basically, if that Ruby girl, Patafiks, and Atcham smoked weed together in a Bad Mentally Ill Bitches Obsessed With Revenge Club, Pangaea would reform.

Since this is already an Atcham headcanon heavy blogpost, I will say, I think using The Love Killer on Atcham would have fixed his every single problem.

Sadly, Kerubim has spent his entire life under the impression that Atcham actually hates him, whereas in actuality, whatever the fuck is happening, is 20 times funnier.

After a single minute of prodding by Joris he switches to therapyspeak and goes "well i need SOMEONE to be mad at. it's like a coping mechanism. if i need to be mad at something, it might as well be kerubim. because he's there. 😥"

It's interesting that with Patafiks and his ecaflip friends it took a second for them to hate him enough to cut all ties.

It's also interesting that this doesn't happen to Simone: Julie and her were on a bad date, but they were on it for a long time. And, Kerubim and Joris were haters for her, but all they could manage is some cleaning complaints.

Basically: Perhaps it can't ruin bonds that are very deep or genuine as fast? An enchantment meant to test the sincerity of a bond, gone awry? Or maybe I'm reading too much into this.

Flash frame!

As I've said in the previous blogposts: I really do think that Kerubim has a crush on Simone. Not in any creepy way — she's just the type of woman he's always liked, — headstrong and stylish, like Lou!

It's very cute. I am a big fan of friendships with one-sided crushes in media, especially when it's not awkward, or pointed out often, (the only exception being Dipper's whole Wendy-shtick in Gravity Falls. I think it was a pretty cool portrayal of the concept, despite being awkward), — because that's a very human thing that we can't really control, y'know?

It makes their friendship much more wholesome to me, personally.

Man. I love this show. And this silly old man. Even though he did fuck up superbly with the whole raising Joris thing.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

idk why this bugs me a bit but I really don’t like when you see art or writing that delves into the dynamic between characters in a less positive way - like an argument, or clashes between coping mechanisms, or a miscommunication that causes some problems and doesn’t get immediately resolved - and you get people saying stuff like “oh they’re so fucked up” or “this would not be healthy irl but here it’s cute” and I just. what do you think a healthy relationship looks like. it’s never going to be perfect. people disagree. not everything gets resolved perfectly. sometimes there will be parts of a person you will never completely understand no matter how close you are to them. what matters is communicating in the ways that you can (which isn’t always in the way help books or therapists tell you to btw! there are lots of ways to communicate effectively that are specific to who you are as people), making active efforts to show your care (which yes, sometimes isn’t easy. that’s why it’s an effort), and enjoying this person’s company (they should make you feel good to be around overall! clashing a little is okay but they should not make you miserable!)

anyways I guess it also irritates me because I see these kinds of comments a lot under studies having to do with characters struggling with trauma or mental illness and therefore not communicating in necessarily healthy or productive ways and maybe always having issues that do not get resolved perfectly and I really can’t stand it. we already live in a world where people have to pretend to be fine all the time. I’m quite flattered when people are comfortable enough with me to let that veneer go. they feel safe around me! what a compliment! I always feel like that’s so much more than I deserve. sure things can be uncomfortable at times and I do sometimes have to say “I can’t listen or help right now but please tell me later” and that’s ok! because we all want to make sure we’re safe for each other to come talk to. to be honest with. a little personal discomfort at times is worth it. always.

people are messy. you’ve got to let people be messy. friendships, relationships, etc, they take time and effort from everyone involved. learning to manage less than ideal situations actually is going to help you draw better boundaries against things that are actually “fucked up” or toxic than expecting perfection, or for a happily ever after where all the conflicts you started out with get resolved.

idk. it’s just. people you care about deserve to not have to be ideal around you. likewise you deserve to have to not be ideal around them. isn’t that. the whole point of someone knowing your soul? the ugliness? and the way it’s a package deal with the rest of you? I would like to learn you. I don’t just want your scraps. I want every part of the whole I asked for. I will learn to manage the sharper edges.

[boyswanna-be-her]

I spent the last five days & nights w BFR, and before that we'd spent TWENTY of the previous 25 days together, usually only pausing to sleep separately. And although we'd been joking about it, I didn't actually realize what a mindfuck for me specifically it would be to spend several years alone and then most of a month with someone and then need to abruptly be apart for two weeks.

Emotionally on a day to day level that's just so not an issue. I spent years and years of my past relationships craving freedom and alone time and the ability to do whatever i want whenever i want it without waiting on someone else or having to take their opinions into account. I was definitely sweating being lonely and probably I still will eventually feel lonely on this trip--but getting on the highway today to head to Denver ended up feeling good and familiar and right.

But this morning was not that way. PTSD is fickle and I'm still learning my triggers. Being around someone I really care about is dredging up a lot of things that didn't get metabolized in my last relationship. And this morning, I woke up at 1 am on my couch with BFR in a full-on panic. Something about the fact that we'd fallen asleep in front of a movie instead of bed was the first thing that set me off (idk man, idk). I woke them up, they said they would come to bed, I went to bed in my panic and put on sleep noises and exhaustion managed to override the panic and I cried myself to sleep assuming I'd wake up w BFR.

I woke up again at 4:00. They hadn't come to bed from the couch. Legitimately I recognized that this meant nothing but that didn't matter. My mind has gone FULL police sirens now. I go back to the couch. They fully wake up and apologize for falling back to sleep and make room for me and I try to get comfortable w them on the couch but NOPE somehow this process makes my mind actually tip from being skittish to having a full-blown anxiety attack. I realized after a minute of sitting with the feeling of overwhelming panic and terror (which it took me TWO more hours to identify as a panic attack btw wrow) that none of the feelings were coming from the sleeping situation, but I failed to figure out WHERE they were coming from. So Iay there on the couch trying not to sob, so so so fucking confused about what was happening beneath the surface of my consciousness.

I just couldn't parse it. Like, BFR is great and our time is great but I don't know them well enough to be in love with them or even to miss them THAT much. Like christ, not sobbing over it! Not heart beating like I'm running type of upset.

Finally after I'd done every errand and packing task I could think of, I was still sobbing off and on so went to my Mom's place for a xanax (she was sleeping but luckily my dad knew where she keeps them). Then i came home abd I woke BFR up and basically said "i think I'm having a panic attack and I could use some company, like, fucking yesterday about it, and at least until the xanax i just took kicks in." And they got up and got their act together and immediately started uhhh taking care of me in a healthy way. Just sat with me and listened, said everything was going to be ok. And I talked at them and cried and cried and finally worked out that it had been a panic attack since I woke up at 1:00, I just had been deflected thinking it was bc I was sad to leave BFR.

In reality, there was this deep and abrupt CERTAINTY that I woke up with that my life had somehow fundamentally changed overnight and there was nothing I could do about it. It's almost 24 hours later and I'm still all shaken up to even approach understanding that headspace, but there it is. Between the fast onset of Jonathan's mental illness, his unexpected suicide, and the really awful way D ended their relationship with me a few weeks after Jonathan died, I have a very deep-seated belief that everything in my life can and will change without warning, for the extreme worse, ESPECIALLY when I feel safe, secure, loved, and excited about my future.

I just woke up and "knew" that it was all changing. I felt deeply that one or several devastating events were going to take place once I left town. Top on my list, when I drill into it, is that one of my parents or friends will get a devastating injury and/or die before I can say goodbye (lmao no idea where that comes from 🙄). It also felt/feels (when I let myself feel it and put it into words) 85% likely that BFR will change their mind about me while I'm gone and pretend like all of this never happened. Which honestly when I look at it with my logic brain is even less likely to happen than someone dying.

So I really got in there and sat with those feelings. It only helped a little bit to say it all out loud to BFR. It only helped a little bit to get their reassurance. That's how it is with this shit: it's not logical or evidence-based, so you can't logic your way out of it.

Eventually the Xanax got me, and I fell asleep in bed with BFR being the best and watching me and stroking me and waiting for me to either wake up on my own or need to be woken so I didn't miss my day of travel.

I slept HARD for two hours. When I woke up they were there waiting for me, sitting in bed. They had quietly continued cleaning my apartment, as well as gathering up all the snacks they had to send with me on the road trip today.

I felt so much less insane after the third attempt at sleep. Without talking through it AND a healthy dose of a sedative, I don't know that I would've been able to get on the road. I cannot think of a time other than during the sheer ego death of Effexor withdrawal in December when I was that completely panicked and inconsolable and SCARED.

I was two hours behind but after all that i was ready to go. I got the dogs loaded up and ran into a friend who said BFR was "a cutie" and we "would be a perfect couple" (i'll tell her later we already are 💕). I finally dropped them off on their side of town and hit the road for my first leg to Tennessee.

It is definitely taking lots of bandwidth for BFR to be there for me in the way that they are currently showing up. I know more about their history now and it makes me even more appreciative of the monumental effort it has taken to let someone new into their life. They had therapy this afternoon (let's goooo weekly therapy havers!!) and I could absolutely tell by the VERY serious tenor of their texts this evening that they'd been talking about us in therapy which is 1. Something a partner has NEVER done before, I'm always begging my partners to get therapy and they dont and 2. Incredibly fucking encouraging/affirming that they are indeed putting thought into me and I'm not stupid to be doing all the communication groundwork to build something nice. Shit is so pleasantly NOT one-sided. Like my last therapy sesh was me asking how I can avoid becoming codependent and wrecking my own life for someone, and their sesh had an apparent focus on communication with me and how to be vulnerable with me. The fuck? How healthy? Go off, I guess. We had a really thoughtful and helpful communication session (I had to pull over while driving but I did so happily bc it's really worth it), which in retrospect was not an easy conversation for either of us. We both were acknowledging some difficult truths about ourselves and setting expectations for what that means about a relationship. It's honestly quite doable things to overcome, and EARLY to be digging in, but it's also really fucking helpful to be in the loop with what they're thinking/fighting and I'd imagine vice versa.

But they sent me thoughtful texts all day (more than I sent them), did their yoga class, therapy, called me once I was settled in the hotel, listened to my stories about the day, asked if I wanted to stay on the phone and watch a movie together. I went to the hotel gym instead. Solo travel is going to be tough on my sobriety, and getting physically worn out has been helping a lot. Doesn't matter much what I do--just gotta tire out the software by running the hardware or something like that.

So. It was an awfully hard day. BFR took it in stride but I did not. I tripped up and kind of rolled down a fucking jagged hill. But all I can do is show up and try again and not sweat it too much that PTSD is going to be a part of my life until it's not. There's a lot that makes it worth it right now.

I think I have a lot of potential to create something special and rare with this person who has found me. Usually when someone cares about me this much and fawns over me and wants to help me in areas where I really need it, I find it a huge turn off. That's always made me feel misanthropic, but idk. Maybe there was always some thin-slicing going on and I felt that there would be a catch. But with BFR there's something I recognize there. The care they give me isnt a donation, or an investment, or a down payment. They genuinely like to see me succeed, like to see my pain eased or erased, even when there's nothing they can gain from me. They're happy to make me happy in a way that I actually don't think I've ever encountered from someone who was interested in me. Like I hate to just relegate them to the cliche of service top but they are indeed panning out to be someone who gets off in every way by overachieving in helping or pleasing me--and they're talented at making that service-y aspect somethinf that I'm the boss of, instead of making me feel like I'm a pet project or something to be changed.

That's my ramble. Needed to vomit it all out somewhere. I'm retroactively editing so my apologies for the everything. Pictures to come.

[apuff]

@sagaofa-dying-star thanks for the tag!!! rewriting the post because it's long asf

 Do you have freckles?  everyone has a little freckles. but i dont have too many

 Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it?  i only drink southern style sweet tea bc we never have any good hot tea around

What was the last song you listened to?  MAMA APPARENTLY?? i was on that black parade grind i guess

Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side?  stomach usually but sometimes i go for the recovery position

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?  yes

Do you prefer drawing or writing?  probably drawing but i like writing too

What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with?  i have 6 blankets in my bed and it's not enough

What’s your favorite band/artist?  ahem. aheem. hehe. my chemical romance

When is your birthday?  am i not supposed to say this for internet safety-? anyways its in december

How tall are you?  5'2 is on my id but my family says im taller than that

What color are your eyes?  green 😏😏i have the rarest eye color 😏😏😏

Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now?  two of my online friends one of my irl friends one of my mutuals and one person i don't even like but probably really needs it

Fears?  im afraid of people i love dying, being in trouble, being late, and tape measures.

What’s your favorite color?  green BUT I LIKE ALL OF THEM

What’s your favorite season?  I LIKE ALL OF THEM

Want any tattoos? What of?  i kinda want some of those semi permanent ones that last for a few months of just random shit like band members and memes actually maybe i just want to draw on myself in sharpie

Want any piercings? Where?  i just want normal ear piercings :<

Who is the last person you texted?  my ex- camp roommate

Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends?  yes me and my bestie have been friends for like two and a half years

What/who do you miss?  i miss having good breakfast at camp 😭😭 also i hate to say it but getting exercise. also going outside..

How was your day today?  pretty good

How much sleep did you get last night?  like eight or something

Do you believe in aliens?  y'all. the universe is REALLY big. there's gotta be some alien bacteria hanging out on SOME planet SOMEWHERE

When was the last time you cried? Why?  yesterday because of algebra 😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️muhammad ibn musa al-khwarizmi when i FUCKING CATCH YOU ITS OVER

What’s your favorite decade?  2020s- if i had to pick something else it would be 2000s

What are some seemingly childish things you like?  laughing at my reflection in spoons (i highly recommend doing this btw)

What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times?  i like too many books to count and i have read hp and pjo too many times to count, but recently ive wanted to reread the outsiders so much i go to bed thinking about it and wake up thinking about it

How are you, really?  fine but every other time in my life i have thought i was fine i have been very mentally ill in retrospect so 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Does it take you a long time to make decisions?  depends on the type of decision..

What are you looking forward to in the near future?  artfight being over

What are you looking forward to in the distant future?  moving out :v

If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?  i am going to the house of my online friends

Do you sleep with your door open or closed?  who sleeps with the door open

What’s your favorite flower?  cherry blossom or lily of the valley

Do you currently have a squish?  i don't know what the difference is between this and just loving your friend, so, idk?

Do you like your middle name?  yeah, i actually use it as my internet and gaming name

Do you prefer dogs or cats?  cats, i respect dogs but they have no concept of personal space

Do you have any phobias?  y'all i really don't like tape measures

Do you stay up late? i consider 11 30 to be late but some of my friends stay up all night sooo its subjective i guess

Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy?  yes; sunny beach is better because where i live the water is always freezing so you need it to be hot or else it's just miserable

What’s your favorite cartoon?  maybe she-ra

Tag 5 of your favorite blogs i'm already tagging my moots later.,/,/

Do you have siblings? How many?  i have 6 siblings

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to?  MYSELF- i am lonely right now

Is there anyone you would die for?  why is this such an intense question 😭😭😭probably no i'm a bit of a coward

What do you need when you’re sad?  gerard way but i need him all the time so

Have you memorized your phone number?  no and it haunts me every day

Who’s someone you can trust with your life?  myself (no offense)

What does your last text say?  just had the most transcendent sandwich on the way home

i know this one is really long so no pressure to do all of it OR do it at all LMAO @the-mighty-q @karineverse @the-mighty-mittens @sea-creeture @thankyouforthev3n0m @hopelesshardrockfan @wannabescemo @starbird06

[nobloodshed101]

My opinion on the fell Poth / Poth stans. [½]

[trigger warning!!: pedophilia, my own opinion.]

Btw if you don’t like this don’t read because this isn't a place supporting these ships, no one's making you read this, or anything so please fuck off if you just going to just bitch.

For this blog, I'll be discussing the ship Poth. Of course, you can ship it but don’t make it weird.

By weird I mean by nekophys idea around the ship, which is just disgustingly weird, by that I mean.

When nekophy made goths design childlike, their excuse of this was because goths parents were geno and death and that means goth doesn’t age physically, even when nekophy says goth was 20 the character looked like a toddler. They could have easily made him look his age and only stopped at 20, not to mention that raven [aka goths brother] somehow doesn’t age physically like his brother and look his age.

between the art of palette and goth it made it out to look like a pedophilic ship. Which some of stans from Poth supported the idea. [also being that half of Neko Phys fans were children which this creator basically broadcasted this adult-child relationship.]

The fandom is far worse though, the fandom has either over sexualized the two Indvidual's or making them very awkward and out of canon, the Poth ship was felt more forced than anything. There was no character growth between them or having it feel like there was any love in it.

Of course the friends to lovers trope isn't bad at all, unless you know how to do it right, the dynamic ship between palette and goth was just dreadful and at times annoying, at times during these interactions it felt like palette wasn’t INTRESTED in goth like goth had feelings for palette- it seemed so one sided even if you switched the roles. though still the fandom still starts to force these two together just because they were ‘cute’ which is an idiotic reason, and plus makes no sense if you ship two fictional characters because they’re cute or seem like good friends.

Not to mention how out of character the characters were, and how they made palette this big Zaddy alpha and goth a softie uwu little omega needing protection all time, it was so uncomfortable and mind draining that makes the ship very toxic in a way, it makes it feel like it's just two other people and not the original characters.

I get in every fandom there will be bad stans but that doesn’t excuse half the shit they did and traumatized some minors while doing it and shows them that some of the dynamics between these ships are considered ‘okay’ just because it was drawn cute.

Some of Poth stans are just toxic in general, they don’t care for plot or morals only that they get their ‘omg so cute gay softie stuff!’ which a horrible mind set and for another failure ship I'll be discussing and the 2nd part in this which is about fell Poth and might be a little longer, but back to topic.

This mentality must stop cause it's just sickening at this point how long this ship has grown and not in a good way at all, also being that the two characters can't love someone else but that certain character, its normal to ship a character with someone ese who you think is compatible for each other.

But of course, there's those type of people who think their entitled to others ships and say that character you're shipping with a different character with is wrong just because they aren't with their character, they think is better, for an example ill show a demonstration here with person A and person B.

Person A: “oh wow! I like these two characters together better; I like their dynamic better.”

Person B: “you can't do that!”

Person A: “why?”

Person B: “because I don’t like that ship dynamic and mine is better and yours is poopy and dumb >: {“

Do you see what I mean here?

You of course could have your opinions and all, but you shouldn’t force or attack someone else for not having the same opinion as you.

And that’s another thing from fandom! They are very quick to judge someone or something if it doesn’t match their ideal of a certain subject.

Not to mention goth after these past YEARS hasn’t got any lore or growth from nekophy, he was just left at a dust shelf and let her fanbase do what they please with goth even if it morally wrong, I think nekophy should just give up on ownership of goth already by how little care their character is receiving or attention.

And by that, I mean to someone who will have head canons and lore for goth and have him be not so robotic.

But of course, you may have your opinions on this matter. I'd love to read about it in the comments from your perspective.

Okay Cya bye <<333

[linabirb]

Lina I need to know more about your mahou shoujo story 👀👀

hi hi aurora!! warning 15 y/o lina's writing ahead

honestly i don't.. remember that story that well? it definitely was very important to me, but i cared about character designs and the mahou shoujo theme more than the actual plot jndksls

so from what i remember, that story didn't just have mahou shoujo elements and mental health theme. so like, you know how magical girls often have some kind of aesthetic they stick to? like animals, space, etc.. SO MY OCS HAD A CHEERLEADER THEME. THIS WAS MOSTLY AN EXCUSE FOR ME TO DRAW THEM IN CUTE CHEERLEADER UNIFORMS. but also it was important to the plot, because the whole story was supposed to be about some kind of game that the male characters were going to play and the girls were supposed to be here to support them or something like that.. i literally don't remember anything about the guys. i found them very boring and while i was able to draw references for all the giirls, with them i was like ". their outfits are so boring i don't wanna draw them" (younger me put her everything into female character designs and when it came to guys she was like "eh. you look fine i guess")

the only guy i remember (not counting the. the main guy) was basically just asahi but a redhead. i do not know why i already was so obsessed with all my original stories having a male character whose whole thing was that he's rich, spoiled and angry all the time, maybe that says smth about me.

the protag was a girl and here's the thing: her team was supposed to have five members, including herself. i remember every single member's mental illness/disorder BUT I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT HER. i remember that other members had anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder and i think adhd? but i don't remember anything about the protag.. all i remember is that she was very silly and goofy and had some memory issues (ironic.)

about the main guy. he was like, kinda supposed to be her love interest (but i also made sure to give her more chemistry with all the other girls instead of him.) BUT. THERE WASN'T JUST ONE MAIN GUY. THERE WERE TWO OF THEM. and the only difference between them was their hair color and that one of them wore glasses. yeah. but also the other main guy was from an enemy team and he was kinda weird and basically was protag's stalker.

the main twist was that the whole thing took place in a virtual reality THAT WAS ACTUALLY VERY IMPORTANT BC IT WASN'T INTRODUCED ONLY IN THIS STORY, IT CONNECTED LIKE AT LEAST FIVE OF MY OC STORIES. AND THERE WAS THIS WHOLE LORE, I EVEN REMEMBER DRAWING A TIMELINE OF EVERYTHING. but anyway her love interest was actually already an adult in real life and he created this virtual reality because the main girl's irl counterpart had committed suicide right in front of him many years ago and he wanted to create a world where she could feel like the main character and could feel loved and appreciated by everyone. i do not remember why his other version (the stalker one) was there too. probably bc the dude had a really bad self-esteem and wanted to make himself the villain?? but he also made himself her love interest. sounds kinda problematic now that i think about it but also i was 15 trust me some of my writing was. a lot worse

but anyway in the end the irl counterpart of the main guy dies while trying to protect his invention from that criminal organization leader from that earlier post of mine (he doesn't succeed btw and that world will be used for some very bad things later). the girl doesn't know about it and continues living there not knowing her world is going to change and not in a good way. the end

[splishsplashyouropinionistrash]

tell me about the catholic saints and flower language you're obsessed with

!!!!! i'm so glad you asked !!!!

okay so my absolute all-time favorite saint is saint dymphna of ireland. she's the patron saint of the mentally ill, survivors of incest, and also (sometimes) survivors of both sexual and domestic abuse. when she was fourteen, her mother died and her father, "in his grief" (not an excuse -_-) decided that he wanted to marry her instead. dymphna fled to modern-day belgium to the town of geel and ended up founding one of the first mental hospitals. her father tracked her down only a year later and killed her. she was canonized only a few years after her death, and people call her "the lily of eire". she was literally younger than I am, but shes credited with helping hundreds of thousands of people. people came from all over Belgium to visit her hospital. it's insane.

saint olga of kiev is another really fascinating one. so before she did any of what got her canonized (trying to spread christianity to kievan rus in modern day russia) she was this super badass vengeful icon. when her husband igor was murdered by drevlians, she hunted down and killed all of those involved (like the queen she is). she was also a big fan of arson. like, a huge fan. me too, girl. when she was baptised, she took on the anglican name helena (or elena, we're unsure). she's the patron saint of widows and converts, but many have also dubbed her "patron saint of vengeance" which is just so badass.

also there's like ten different patron saints of rats which is just.... so wild.

fun facts, there's a catholic chapel just off of broadway, st. malachy's, that's known as the actors chapel. they offer a saturday mass in between the afternoon and matinee performances along with sunday services, so lots of religious actors end up there. they have a shrine to some of the saints related to the performing arts at the back of the chapel. i was in NYC this spring, and i was lucky enough to be able to sit through a saturday mass there before I went to see some like it hot (if you haven't seen it, you should. SO. GOOD). the chapel is absolutely stunning. i also got to go to (and sing in!!!) st. john the divine's cathedral (the largest cathedral in the US, it was INSANE) and st. patricks cathedral. cathedrals are so stunning, the architecture is absolutely insane and i go feral just thinking about it. every day i long to go back, it was that gorgeous (I'm not even religious, but religious architecture just DESTROYS me. huge fan). but i digress.

some pictures of st. john's tho!!!

sorry if they're a little blurry, i was too excited to hold still.

okay but flowers!!! i love flower language, i think it's so fascinating. i actually got into because of this book I read, the grace year by kim liggit (must-read btw, so beautiful)

okay but anyway, my absolute favorite flower is the aster, specifically blue china asters (I liked them so much I named myself after them) they look like this:

they're gorgeous. anyways

so blue asters are a symbol of trustworthiness and wisdom, and china asters symbolize love and faith. asters are a breed of daisies, which symbolize innocence, new beginnings, and joy. daisies are also commonly used in herbal medicine, specifically medicine related to mental wellness. there's layers to the meaning, which is one of the things i love so much about it

i just !!! love things !!!! and nobody irl wants to listen to me rant about this shit !!!! bless you remi !!!

[roleplayhonestybox]

Them: "Guuuyss 🥺🥺🥺😭😭 Im sowwy that I rewly to That One Shipping Partner multiple times a day while it takes me literal months to reswond to rest of you's roleplays 🥺🥺🥺 I'm just wevy comfortable with That One Shipping Partner and speak to them awmost ewery day."

Also them: *Gets overwhelmed easily by the DMS of others and sometimes don't reply to the messages for weeks.*

ALSO them: *Throws tantrums and posts vents (thankfully, tagged) when someone tries to say something about their speed and partners.*

Oh my fucking god, just turn your blog into a private account at this point. It truly hurts to see you brag about how great That One Partner is and how much you love the threads between you and them while ours rot in the dark.

BTW I understand the joy at having a shipping partner, as I have two dear writing partners that I love writing with, so much so I think and daydream about what had happened and what will happen at our thread next almost every day. But just because you have 2749493746 mental illnesses and an "anxious potato", doesn't mean you can ignore the rest of us.

It's so bad that once our Summer themed rp got a response at the middle of the Winter. I'm usually an extremely patient person and will wait for a response for months, even a year, if necessary, but it is clear that you like focusing on only one partner while rest of us just needs to suck it up and be patient. That's not even related to speed or mental illness anymore, that's just plain disrespect and ignorance. Istfg if you weren’t a mainly crossover blog and a very nice person OOC, I would've dropped you after you left your 3rd (?) blog and hopped onto this one.

.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

bored. thoughts on literally all the dna stuff

jackie- "i can fix her"

hyunwoo-i kinda get weirded out by the power dynamic in the sheer idea but tbh. it's nice i think. i just want this boy to be a little happier, man

jenny-i am DYINGGG SHE BOUGHT A BAIENGIACA

xiukai:i cant believe that, to sissela, hed be the grandma who makes you feel like you need a second stomach once you visit. funny. he's 34 with the vibe of a 70 year old

aya-what are her thoughts on fentanyl. i wonder. btw it's always funny when someone goes "NO drugs. but alcohol is great". like mate thats just drug lite

alex-now i'm curious what his disease is even supposed to be, i don't recall anything about that. if it's just some sort of chronic fatigue thing then i'd easily say fuck it and headcanon POTS just because but. i'd like to know

leon: "don't bring gifts for me >:( i'm not a kid >:(" the repression is strong on this man

chiara:i think itd be funny to have an alliance where it's zahir, chiara and aya. impossible to understand a damn word. also "i can fix her" part 2

shoichi:you know how it's canon that chidi anagonye is buff because whenever he felt stressed he just did pushups

sissela:she likes strawberry. noted. also ngl i do find the thomas sissela dynamic sick now that i think about it. for a solid second i felt so mentally ill remembering that he brought her to the experiment because he wanted her to get actually cured and not be in pain

rio-i feel VINDICATED. every time. i want to put that "rio to yuki" voiceline on my forehead. they don't get along on such a fundamental level. they have not had a single good interaction. that's why i feel feral when i see anyone ship them, she hates himmmm. also the delivery is bad but in a way that's good because it fits her, she sounds robotic but it feels like it's just how she be OHSFKSDF SHE DOESNT EVEN LIKE DOGS!!! SHE ACTUALLY FUCKING HATES HIM IM LAUGHING

echion-"i see the hesitation in your fists" about hyunwoo is making me mentally ill. also "don't be pretentious" to magnus IS SO FUNNY. he really went "stfu i'm gonna hit you". the things i dislike is also extremely funny. this sign can't stop him because he can't read, guys. though, he sounds like hunter toh to me in a way that makes me like him by association now. past me is crying but current me thinks this mans is funny as hell

tia-im crying. "what's wrong with my hair (┬┬﹏┬┬)". danny boy roasted her so hard. that "can i draw you ◕_◕ " to jenny though. i see you

daniel-even daniel cant believe it when she says she's a doctor. the doubt in this man's voice. also it's so funny how he reads people for their appearance (like "your hair is a mess) and then with yuki he just roasts him for his personality. does he think that bowl cut ass hairstyle is okay enough to focus on something else

eva-"nah i don't feel like getting a haircut quite yet" as he definitely fucking SEETHES

bianca-"oh my god a fellow weirdo!!!". four person alliance between aya chiara zahir and bianca actually. impossible to parse a single word. and it's funny that she goes gentle on sissela (i assume she's too skinny, so) and with echion she plain goes "you have literally no body fat"

johann-YO????? i am mentally ill about that one for sure. johann is so about trying to be the sort of christian who doesn't suck absolute ass and the interaction that has with the extremely complicated relationship isol and rozzi have with church and religion is so interesting to me rn

laura-how did they get away with this "things i dislike" line. also the bizarre thought process i had with aya and laura is so vindicated. police officers are her favorite

aiden-he did not just "we're not so different you and i" her. his luke is funny as hell though. "you get paid to clean? 🤨" do i need to explain society to you???? he sounds legit confused. hKFJNSDKFJ THEY JUST SHOVED ALL THE FUNNY MEME LINES ON HIM HUH. IT'S NOT LIKE I LIKE YOU OR ANYTHING BAKA

elena-she and rosalio allying would be nonstop complaining. they'd either hate each other or be like soulmates. "i hate the heat but i hate the cold" "me too" and then a look of understanding

felix-he did not hit elena with the "you'd be prettier if you smiled". i like him but. girl freeze him. also confirmation that magnus does not use steroids. weird-ass way to ask though. what if he met a trans person mid transition? would he hit them with that exact line as the poor fucker is like "yeah???"

[zhalar]

i was trying to reply to the post of yours i just liked and almost blazed it instead why are the buttons so close to each other.............. aNYWAY i only saw it now, and it feels A Bit weird two weeks later to be like Oh Hey. but. i've never been able to shut up in my life so! Oh Hey. i had to move to your ask box bcs the reply thing's word limit was like shut the fuck up!!! but. so. i don't even have anything useful to say except i'm 24 and started studying for my degree when i was like 19 and i still Don't Fucking Have It and in between i've moved like four times and am almost broke and saurrrr unemployed and Local Employers Hate Area Woman-Ish bcs of my very unsexy mental illness and lack of work experience. and i also fucking hate dishes and cleaning and groceries and everything IS stupid! we could all be eating berries and raising chickens and doing weird art in the woods! and maybe we should! all that to say that your vent was Extremely Relatable. modern society is a harsh maze. and shit's scary!! but i see you. and i'm rooting for you, for what it's worth 🐻🌻🍀🍄💕 and i hope the rest of your summer is good and joyful and everything goes smoothly with school and everything!! <3 good vibes and cheers ✨

YOURE SO SWEET TO REACH OUT TO MY SANGSTY (sad/angsty) VENT-POST OOOHHH places a fresh and washed stone fruit or suchlike of your choice onto your palm as a form of thanks....... im sorry to have left you hanging with my answering this btw, it was my last work day for the summer today and i didnt dare to open the message last night in case i got so distracted that the lateness woulda got me lol. love to plan my every move within the bounds of a work-life schedule. btw fully dying-laughing about the possibility of you somehow accidentally blazing that post CAN YOU IMAGINE DSHFKJGH

im real sorry that the general sentiment of that post resonated, sucks how we're ALL constantly in the trenches, here :-( (and also a bit sheepishly sorry if my vent caused any alarm or whatnot... sometimes it alll just gets to be oh so much and one must air their grievances out to the world unprompted like that. grhyeah..) truly would Shrimply Love To Own Chickens and Thatse It. my viiru&pesonen -fantasy lifted its head once again this summer, i meannnn now thaaaaats what i'd call living!! ffs!!!!

i would never ask you to shut up the reply-feature does Not reflect my views and opinions in case you were wondering. for real this msg brightened this day considerably, youre both a complete sweetheart and so fucking funny for the formatting and tone of this ask, good lord. hopefully you'll have some easier times going forward, typically i wouldnt wish a job onto my worst enemy but i also recognize how that is something thats uhhh, quite valuable actually, indeed, so in that sense im beaming some fking sense into your local employers' brains. [HIRE THEM!!!!!!!! for some NICE TASK!!!!!] I HOPE YOUR SUMMER THUSFAR HAS BEEN COOL AND FUN!!! and that the rest of it/the upcoming august treat you well also <3