#bilbo is done

[fanficwriting1]

Your Hypnotic Words Chapter 3 (Blame it on the Wizard - Part One)

Bilbo was regretting quite a few things at the moment, which he thought was a perfectly acceptable thing to do when you were about to be eaten by a troll.

It had all started when Thorin had decided to stop in an area for the night and Gandalf was displeased with the choice.

Gandalf always did things at the most inopportune of times, one of the more frustrating things about him that Bilbo was going to ensure he spoke to him about later if he lived. 

So, for the moment, if anything went wrong he could blame the wizard. After all, it was all the wizard’s fault he was on this forsaken quest. 

 (A few hours ago)

Bilbo gave a relieved sigh as Thorin called the party to a halt, everybody sliding off their ponies. Bilbo did the same, sneezing all the way down. 

He found a handkerchief shoved in his face as soon as his feet touched the ground.

He looked at the dwarf with the strange hat - Bofur, he recalled - as he reached to take the handkerchief, accepting only because he didn’t have his and desperately needed to blow his nose. 

“Can I touch your feet, Mr. Baggins?” Bofur asked. 

Bilbo choked. He was sure he must’ve misheard and looked at Bofur for clarification, who Bifur now stood by. 

“I’ve just never seen so much hair on someone’s feet. And so fluffy and well-groomed! Even dwarrow don’t get that much hair on our chests!” Bofur laughed.

Bilbo flushed. Obviously he hadn’t misheard. Feeling the great need to shriek, he was proud of himself as he withheld, and instead furiously signed at the untoward dwarf, who obviously understood nothing.

His feet! Bilbo thought. How dare he!  

He felt another flush crawl up his body and burn his cheeks, and unable to stand the inappropriateness of the circumstance, tried to refrain from running and opted for stomping away.

—

Bofur watched the hobbit stomp away, perplexed. “I’m not sure what Bilbo was trying to say, but I feel offended somehow.”

Bifur chortled as he patted his brother’s shoulder comfortingly. 

Only capable of speaking Khuzdul, Bifur had learned hand signs to better communicate with those who didn’t. While Bilbo’s signing was a bit different from what he was used to, Bifur had understood the majority and was able to confirm that Bofur should’ve been very offended. The hobbit certainly had a wide variety of insults, each one having been more colorful than the last. 

—

In his stomping away, Bilbo hadn’t notice how close he had gotten to Thorin and Gandalf, who had come together shortly after getting off their mounts.

“The elves could help us! We could get food, rest, advice.” 

“I do not need their advice .” Thorin’s face was dark, and Bilbo could instictively tell that he was not going to put up with Gandalf for much longer.

“We have a map we cannot read; Lord Elrond will help us.”

“ Help ? A dragon attacks Erebor, what help came from the elves? Orcs plunder Moria, desecrate our sacred halls, and the elves looked on and did nothing . You ask me to seek out the very people who betrayed my grandfather and betrayed my father?”

“You are neither of them. And besides, it was not Lord Elrond who abandoned you at Erebor. That blame lies with King Thranduil of the Woodland Realm. I did not give you that map and key for you to hold onto the past.” 

“I did not know they were yours to keep.” Thorin spat, and Bilbo flinched at the venom in his tone.

Gandalf scowled at Thorin before turning and heading Bilbo’s way. Bilbo grabbed the Wizard’s cloak, looking at him, daring him to leave.

Gandalf sighed, patting Bilbo’s head, and quickly getting swatted. “I shall not be long Bilbo. I simply desire to seek the company of the only one who has any common sense.”

“Who’s that?” Kili popped up next to them.

“Myself, Kili! I’ve had enough of you dwarrow for one day.” Gandalf stalked off.

—

Camp was set up quickly and with ease, each dwarf falling into their well known routine, while Bilbo had been sat on a log and had been requested to stay there. Bilbo was torn between feeling thankful and outraged. On one hand, Bilbo was incredibly sore from all the riding he had had to endure the entire day along with all the outrageous comments made by all the dwarrow (though Bofur had come back to apologize after Gandalf had talked to him about the meaning of touching a hobbit’s feet in hobbitish culture at Bilbo’s demand) and thereby appreciated the chance he was given to rest. 

But, with many of the dwarrow daring to question his competence? That made Bilbo furious, and by doing nothing to help, it would only enforce that view the dwarrow had.

“Peace offering for being rude earlier?” Bofur stood in front of Bilbo, bowl in hand. Bilbo quickly tucked away the notebook he’d had in his hands.

Steam rose from the bowl, curling into the cold night. He eyed the bowl. Despite the sheer rudeness Bofur had displayed towards Bilbo, the stew had done nothing wrong so Bilbo accepted it graciously.

Bofur, believing it to be a sign of forgiveness, sat down next to Bilbo, watching as he scarfed his meal down, not waiting for it to cool. Bilbo had been hungry for a while now, unused to the small portions and few meals they had. His stomach eased it’s cramping as food entered, but the aching remained. 

As much as Bilbo would like to, he did not plan on asking Bombur for seconds. It would be met with the snarky remarks from the dwarrow (really just Gloin). And, most importantly, he wasn’t about to explain to the dwarrow that he could actually speak, he just chose not to.

Bilbo placed the bowl at his feet, and drew out his little red notebook from his jacket. It was a bit worn from the constant use, the cover faded in some spots. Bilbo pulled out the piece of charcoal he’d placed in the small notebook, and began to sketch once more. 

He looked at the dwarrow next to him, noting the way his mustache and beard curled upward.

Bofur’s hat was the most difficult to draw, seeming to have a life of it’s own. Bilbo frowned.

Bofur peeked at his book. “Do my eyes deceive me, Bilbo, or are those drawings of me?”

It was quite rude to look at someone’s drawings without permission, but Bilbo found that the dwarrow did many things without permission. He nodded. 

“Finally noticing how attractive I am?” Bofur joked. 

That drew a faint smile from Bilbo. Unbeknownst to Bofur, but there was only one reason a drawing of a dwarrow were to make it into his little notebook, their likeness would be accompanied with a scathing rage letter, the things Bilbo wished to say, but was unable to.

“. . . he can only draw. What good will that do the company?”

The jab came from none other than Gloin, who Bilbo was finding himself very tired of very quickly. 

“Give me a moment,” Bofur said, standing and walking away. 

With Bofur gone, Bilbo focused harder on his sketching and blocked out as much of Gloin’s voice as he could, lest he snap back. 

—

Despite appearances, Bofur was an observant dwarf. He could see Bilbo’s anger and discomfort when the other members of the company questioned his capabilities, and the tensing of his body when someone spoke of all hobbits being “soft”. 

It was with this in mind that Bofur rose and walked over to Bombur, who stood at the fire, finishing spooning the stew into the remaining bowls. 

“Are those for Fili and Kili?” he asked. 

Bombur nodded. “They’re watching the horses.”

“Let me take them. I’ll have Bilbo bring them to them.”

“Good idea. The hobbit needs something to do. Feels upset he can’t.” He passed Bofur the bowls, before hesitating and grabbing them back. "I'll bring them to Bilbo." he rumbled

Bombur was a quiet-spoken dwarf, but like his brothers, he was observant. Bilbo was more likely to accept the offer from Bombur than he was to from Bofur.

—

Thorin found his eyes once again drawn to Bilbo, who was currently sitting on a log near the fir, a little notebook in his hand, tilted just so that he got enough light to write. He tapped the charcoal against his lips, (leaving a small smudge that Thorin desperately wished he could wipe away, just to feel how soft the hobbit’s lips were) as his brow furrowed, the wireframe of his glasses gleaming in the firelight. As well as his hair. The light was just right, playing itself over the halfling’s body, highlighting prominent features and contrasting dramatically. Thorin felt curiosity at what was in the notebook and what made Bilbo look at it so seriously. 

He was shaken from his observation when Bofur suddenly entered his field of vision, sitting next to the hobbit. Thorin shook his head, attempting to dislodge the thoughts that had taken residence in his mind. 

Dwalin snorted, “Did you enjoy the view?” he asked and Thorin glared at him, turning back to his stew. Balin sat next to them, watching Thorin with raised brows and casting a look towards the hobbit.

“Are you not concerned about the Wizard leaving?” Balin asked, turning back to their previous topic. 

“It’s too late to bring up the topic of concern,” Thorin said. He hadn’t meant to incite Gandalf to storm off, but with all the badgering about going to the Hidden Valley had made Thorin far more snappy towards the Wizard. “He’ll come back soon enough.” He pushed the spoon around his stew.

Despite his confident tone, Thorin couldn’t help but feel doubt stir in his gut. He felt uneasy and hoped the Wizard would be back soon.

—

“I told you he’s not made out for this quest,” Gloin said. “Too fragile. He’ll slow us down if anything.”

Bilbo seethed as he listened to Gloin regurgitating what he’d said in his smial. He sketched furiously. Gloin was currently the most drawn dwarrow in Bilbo’s notebook, no surprise there.

Bofur stepped over to Bilbo. “Don’t mind anything that Gloin says, he’s just grumpy about being apart from his family.”

Family or not, Gloin had no reason, much less the right to speak about Bilbo like that! Bilbo could deal with the whispers in the Shire because despite what was said, the hobbits knew that Bilbo was perfectly capable. The dwarrow did not, and would not let him demonstrate his usefulness!

His thoughts were interrupted by Bombur who’d found his way over after Bofur had spoken with Bilbo.

“Can you take these to Fili and Kili?” Bombur asked. “They’re watching the ponies.” 

Bilbo accepted the bowls with a nod, shooting a glare towards Gloin, before walking to where the ponies were grazing. At least he could do this to show Gloin he wasn’t only capable of drawing, though it only felt like a minuscule victory.

When he arrived he could already tell something was off. Fili and Kili were both staring at the ponies, brows furrowed. 

Bilbo stepped between them, waiting for them to notice his presence.

“Fili,” Kili said, “I think we’re going to be in trouble.”

“Hopefully Uncle won’t be too upset - Mahal’s beard!” Fili exclaimed. “When’d you get here, Mr. Boggins?” 

Bilbo looked at him, unimpressed. He found him looking at many of the dwarrow that way, with how dense they were there was no way that he couldn’t. He lifted the bowls of soup.

“Are these for us?” Kili nabbed one from Bilbo’s grasp, and Bilbo found him knocking him gently upside the head (it worked because Kili was crouching) giving him a purposeful look. 

“Sorry.” Kili rubbed his head. “Thanks, Mister Boggins!” 

Fili took his bowl with appropriate thanks, and they gestured for him to crouch next to them while they explained the situation.

“It was trolls.” Kili blurted. 

“They took our ponies,” Fili added. 

“They’re going to stew them.” Kili looked close to tears. “They can’t stew Whiney!”

It was apparent Kili needed to work on his naming skills.

“They talked about it while they walked by.” Fili said. “They have the ponies in a corral.”

He gestured for Bilbo to follow him, and he found himself dragged along with the two until they reached a site where a large fire burned, surrounded by three massive trolls. 

The horses had been placed near a big rock and where contained with a makeshift gate.

Bilbo frowned. As much as he disliked ponies, he had no wish to see Minty become a part of a stew.

“You look like you want to do something.” Fili whispered. “You should.” A gentle push had Bilbo stumbling forward. “Whistle if you’re in trouble.”

“Wait - can you whistle if you’re mute?” whispered Kili.

“Of course!” Fili whispered back. “All you’re doing is blowing air.” He turned back to Bilbo and in a lower voice asked, “You can whistle, right?”

Dumbfounded, all Bilbo could do was nod.

“Good! Then if you’re in trouble, whistle once long and twice short.” Kili nodded satisfied and then he and Fili were gone.

Bilbo stayed crouched for a moment, unable to comprehend what had just happened. It didn’t last long as another troll lumbered by, this time with Bilbo’s pony. 

Bilbo came to a quick conclusion then - he would do this to save his pony and to prove to the dwarrow that he was more than capable enough to be on this journey, and he would make sure to rub it in their faces in it, especially that warrior’s.

Creeping along, Bilbo followed the trolls to their campground, watching as the ponies were deposited in a rough constructed cage. 

Moving to the cage, Bilbo sought to undo the ropes, chafing his hands on the rope while he pulled. As the rope refused to budge, Bilbo began to regret his choices. There was only one clear solution he could see. The dwarrow would inevitably arrive soon, so he had only a few minutes to complete what he needed to.

Bilbo drew in a deep breath and stepped into the clearing. “Hello.” his voice was weak.

The trolls, not hearing him, continued to fight amongst themselves. Bilbo shifted nervously on his feet; he wanted to bolt and hide, knowing that these creatures could tear him limb from limb, but he pushed down the urge, aware that he could take care of the trolls easily. 

Maybe. 

He cleared his throat and tried again. “Uh, excuse me!” 

It worked all too well, getting him the attention of all three trolls.

“What’sa that, Bert?”

“Blimely if I know, Bill!”

The massive trolls stomped over to Bilbo, and the one named Bert scooped him up into his fist, and Bilbo gasped at the tight vice that crushed his torso. “I am a hobbit!” he gasped. 

“Give it ‘ere!”

“Don’t touch ‘em, Tom!”

“A ‘obbit?” Bill scratched his head. “Can we eat ‘em?” 

“‘Course we can.” Bert spat. “All he‘s ‘s bone and meat!” 

Bilbo shut his eyes tightly, trying to calm himself amidst their squabbling. Once he deemed himself as calm as he would ever get in this situation, he opened his mouth once more. “Put me down, Bert.” he said. “Gently, if you would.” He felt immediately the force of control on his mind, but it was bearable.

Bert immediately froze and lowered Bilbo to the ground. 

“Hey! Wht’s you doing! You’re gonna let our meal get away!”

“Tom, Bill, calm down and sit.”

Two bodies thumped to the ground, eyes glassy. Bilbo turned his attention back to Bert. 

“Release the ponies you have in the pen. Then, use the rope you have to restrain Tom and Bill.” 

Watching as Bert began to do as instructed, Bilbo was suddenly hit by the strain of controlling the trolls. His vision began to darken, and he fought against it, breathing deeply and crouching closer to the ground. As he focused, he suddenly heard a battle cry and his control broke. 

The trolls lashed back hard, and Bilbo grunted as the abrupt severing left him in pain. 

The dwarrow stormed the site, weapons in hand, determined to slay the trolls. 

All he could think of was how stupid they were. If only they had arrived a little later, then everything could’ve been resolved. 

“Where’d the ‘obbit go?” Bill asked.

Bert whacked him with the stew spoon. “Don’t worry about that! Focus on the pests first!”

Bilbo had to commend the dwarrow for being able to wreck havoc where’ver they went. The trolls seemed to be overwhelmed, trying to grab and smash the dwarrow, but unable to do so because of the sheer number of them. They would nearly grasp one, only to be met with the blade of hammer of another.  

With this in mind, Bilbo raced towards the ponies, yanking at the rope that held them. So focused he was on his task, that he didn’t see the massive hand swoop towards him, picking him up.

Bilbo gasped at the tight vice-like grip of the troll as he was yanked up and then his arms grabbed in two separate hands and pulled .

“Lay down your arms or we’ll rip his off!” the troll yelled.

The fighting continued, and the slack lessened as he began to be pulled apart further when a cry stopped the dwarrow. “Everyone stop!” 

The call came from Thorin, who’s gaze was fastened on Bilbo as he tossed his weapon to the ground. The dwarrow behind him followed suit.

The trolls made quick work of the dwarrow, tying them up in sacks and dumping them next to a tree. 

“We’ll eat well tonight!” William said with a chortle.

Bilbo, now only grasped in one hand, was hovered over the pot of boiling . . . something. He grimaced. These trolls obviously were bereft of taste, otherwise how could they even consider eating something that smelled so bad? The steam was scorching and Bilbo wished he had never joined the quest.

“Put him down!” Fili yelled from his place in his sack. “You don’t want to eat him!” Bilbo looked at him in surprise.

“That’s right! He has . . . Worms!” Kili added. 

“Worms?” Bert’s nose scrunched as he scrutinized Bilbo. “‘E doesn’t look like ‘e has worms.”

“They’re inside his body!” Bofur shouted. “They crawl around inside and if you eat him they’ll crawl inside you!”

Stunned, Bilbo could only think about how this might’ve been the first smart thing these dwarrow had ever done.

“It’s true! My wee Gimli has them to! He got them from eating a worm-infested pig!” Gloin said.

Shock flowed through him at Gloin’s defense. Never had he imagined that Gloin would try to help him.

The rest of the dwarrow chimed in, speaking about the dangers of worms and the damage it would do to the trolls, and Bilbo found himself moved to be over the ground instead of over the pot. Seeing his chance, he took it, sinking his teeth deep into the fleshy part of William’s hand, and ripping.

William screamed, and the dwarrow looked in horrified fascination as Bilbo was dropped to the ground, spitting out the large chunk of flesh he’d taken from the troll, before yelling at him to move and run away.

Bilbo dodged Bert’s hands as well as Tom’s as he raced back into the forest, fully intending on making his way back home. He was done with the quest, he was done with everything that came with it. 

He paused. The forest was dark and cool, and he cast a glance back towards the light of the campsite. He groaned. The dwarrow had helped him, it wasn’t polite to not help them. 

“I’m really going to leave after this,” Bilbo muttered, heading back to the campsite.

[atrustfulplace]

imagine: you are chilling in front you your house getting high. along comes an old family friend who you last saw when you were six, you are now in your 50s. after a brief convo where he is kind of a dick to you, he’s like damn you’ve changed :/. and your like yeah bestie it’s been five decades why the fuck are you here. he leaves. later that night a shit ton of people show up and trash your house. just throw and absolute rager. halfway through the family friend from earlier shows up. he announces in full earshot of everyone that he wants you to come with him to rob a bank. you of course say wtf??? one of the people who broke into your house calls you a pussy. another person shoves you a contract which declares if you get shot robbing the bank they will not pay for your funeral. you pass out. when you wake up you find the contract on your table and your house almost completely back to normal. you stare at the contract for a moment and decide, fuck it this is just as a good a midlife crisis than anything.

this is what happened to bilbo baggins

[takingthehobbitstoflavortown]

Bilbo: pfft look at that idiot.

*Thorin charging a giant head on*

Bilbo:

Bilbo: shit that’s my idiot

[artbyleav]

Finally had some time to draw after a month off, and I had the desire to draw some of the iconic facial expressions of Bilbo baggins- the true icon

[pilkypills]

some beebs of varying qualities

[conkers-thecosy]

To Our Bilbo Baggins...

Here's to our Bilbo Baggins, no matter what guise he wears. To our book Bilbo, our film Bilbo, our Lego Bilbo, our Rankin & Bass Bilbo. To our fandom Bilbo, and all the hats we give him to wear. To our confident Bilbo, to our anxious Bilbo, to our clever Bilbo, to our foolishly brave Bilbo. To our feral Bilbo, to our calm Bilbo, to our grumpy Bilbo, to our determined Bilbo, our sweet Bilbo, our always a little queer Bilbo. Master Baggins. Mister Bilbo. Professor Baggins. William Robert Baggins. Billy-Bob. Bella. Bilba. Bilbo.

Here's to the Consort Under The Mountain, who finds his happiness with his found-family in Erebor. Who hits his stride amongst dwarrow, and slots into place as an ambassador between the three surrounding kingdoms. Who takes tea with Princess Dis every Mersday at 4pm sharp, who trains with Dwalin, and learns to speak Khuzdul with Ori. Who works and sleeps beside his husband, supporting and driving King Thorin onwards to meet all of his goals and dreams for his people. Their people, together, united, content, and in love.

Here's to the confirmed bachelor that lives at Bag End, who returns from adventure, tired and heart-sore, and finds comfort in the sunshine of the Shire. Who works in his garden, grows his tomatoes, and sits outside the big green door with his pipe. Who writes songs and poems, who translates epic tales, and dedicates years of his peaceful life to spinning one of his own. Who takes in his distant cousin, who calls him Nephew, and shares a birthday with him each year, then leaves him to begin his own tales of adventure with a precious golden trinket he picked up many years before.

Here's to the Hobbit who falls somewhere in the middle. Who leaves the Lonely Mountain and returns to his books and his armchair, who plants his seeds and watches them grow, all with the company of another. A dwarf who might have been king, but for one reason or another, has decided instead to spend his days beside the company burglar, both of them in their idyllic reshirement. Sometimes they have a child of their own, sometimes they adopt the self-same distant cousin who calls them both Uncle, and sometimes it's just the two of them, but they are always together, and always at peace, at last.

Here's to Bilbo Baggins, who is forever changing in our hands, but who, at his core, will always be courageous, always be impulsive, and always do the right thing, no matter what it may cost him. Who will always be kind, always love a good joke, and always take pleasure in good food and song.

Here's to Bilbo Baggins.

[levithestripper]

don’t separate them or they’ll cause inescapable amounts of havoc

[lonicera-edulis]

Okay, I did it. A parallel universe where Balin is of the right species this time xD

[greeneyed-thestral]

[what-a-creative-user-nana]

Holy crap I love Bilbo in the book so so much hes so savageee

This quote takes place when Baggins goes to free the dwarves from the barrels. He gets Thorin out first, and Thorin is so tired that he barely crawls out and doesnt even respond to Bilbo. So Bilbo gets annoyed (rightfully so imo).

“Well, are you alive or are you dead?” asked Bilbo quite crossly. Perhaps he had forgotten that he had had at least one good meal more than the dwarves, and also the use of his arms and legs, not to speak of a greater allowance of air. “Are you still in prison, or are you free? If you want food, and if you want to go on with this silly adventure–it’s yours after all and not mine–you had better slap your arms and rub your legs and try and help me get the others out while there is a chance!”

WELL, DAMN. Mr. Sassy Gay Hobbit

[burnt-scone]

J.R.R. Tolkien: My books are a allegory for the Bible.

Me: Bunch of dudes giving heartfelt looks & forehead kisses

(Drawings of Bilbo & Thorin giving heart eyed side glances, Gimli & Legolas giving longing looks, Sam & Frodo with their foreheads nearly touching staring into eachothers souls)

Me: & dudes who barely know how to touch a woman.

(Drawings of Aragorn the man who barely knows how to kiss, Captain "I held hands before" Faramir, and Kili he was a real one.)

[must-be-mr-boggins]

Bilbo, trying to flirt: Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Thorin: It’s a knife.

[melismmm]

ah, yes, poetry.

[sparklingrainbowdragon]

[bluecaeriart]

Moments Between - THAUC 2022

My piece for the An Unexpected Collab project!!!  My partner @nottoolateforthegame and I got the prompt “more time during the quest for company bonding” and we turned it into a story about Bilbo and Thorin’s growing relationship as seen through the eyes of the company, my partner writing the absolutely amazing fic!!

It was such an Honor getting to work with the sweetest and most wonderful partner and getting to work on this project in general, its the biggest thing I’ve ever done and I genuinely could not be more proud of myself and my partner!!!! ꉂ (′̤ॢ∀ ू‵̤๑))ˉ̞̭♡ HAPPY 10TH ANNIVERSARY TO AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY!!