#bless their social media person but also holy fuck

[wideminded-dreamer]

Yeah.

[toriwakes]

Pretty Boy 187 [s.r x reader]

summary: reader finds out that her new found tumblr crush is none other than her coworker.

content warnings: she/her!reader, mentions of alcohol

a/n: hi!! i’m so happy to be posting again. i’m really proud of this, so i hope you all like it! as always, let me know if you have any requests!

convincing spencer to get tumblr was tough. not only did he hate technology, he didn’t like social media either.

“it’s gonna be fun! c’mon, please?” you’ve been bugging him about it for about a week. “spencer, please just download it. if i have to hear (y/n) whine again i’m gonna loose it.” said derek, plopping is papers on his desk. “you like it when i whine.” you teased, causing derek to flash you a toothy grin. “alright! jeez.” you clapped of joy and jumped to help spencer, but he stopped you. “no way, i’m not letting you follow me.” he kept his phone facing away from you, your arms dropping to your sides in defeat. “fine. i’ll find your account somehow.” “we’ll see about that.”

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

over the next few weeks you acquired a few new followers, only one catching your eye. ‘prettyboy187’ followed you on a quiet friday afternoon. the username caught your attention at first, but when you checked is profile? that’s when you were hooked. half of his pictures were just aesthetically pleasing: outside of his window, his extreme sugary coffee, some books. but others...

it was an excerpt of a poem and his hand was holding back the pages. you doubt he meant to capture it so beautifully. just his hand was godly. you wasted no time dming him.

hey :)

how desperate did you look right now? he followed you barley an hour ago. you cant stop staring at that picture.

hello

he didn’t sound happy. well, he didn’t “sound” anything, you guys were texting. but you could feel his tone through the screen. where you overthinking this too much? you shuffled into your bed, wrapping yourself in the covers as you pondered what to say next.

i just wanted to tell you i really like your account. are you a photographer or something?

no, i’m not. my friend convinced me to get this app and i noticed people post aesthetically pleasing photos on here, so i’m just doing the same haha.

ok, well you don’t post nice pictures. at least, not that type. maybe you’d post a picture of the snow or your bed, but every now and then you’d bless the feed with a picture of you in a swimsuit. it was more for opinions on the suit than anything else.

ohh. maybe i should start doing that.

how do you mean?

oh.

that sounded like a very judge-y ‘oh’. your eyes scanned your own profile to see what he could’ve hated. there was you in your favorite red swimsuit, a picture of your computer with netflix on the screen. the rest of the posts were of the same type, so you couldn’t pinpoint what the problem was.

what is it?

no, nothing. your recent picture. that’s a nice swim suit.

oh. that’s what he meant. you practically threw your phone across the room and squealed. thank the universe that he didn’t dislike you already. you shot him another text. just like that, you had your first ever tumblr crush.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

“what’s up with you pretty girl?” derek asked when you walked into work. you supposed you still had the blush on your face when pretty boy wished you a good morning and day at work. “nothing!” you said, obviously it being something. as if on cue, spencer walked in behind you also giddy. “what, you’re both sweet on someone now?” when neither of you responded, derek laughed. “what?” emily inquired, taking her seat. “spencer and (y/n) both have a crush.” emily’s jaw dropped. “spencer has a crush?” everyone broke into laughter, jj overhearing and almost dropping her files. “why is that so surprising?” spencer defended himself, derek giving him a ‘you know the answer to that’ look. “well?what’re their names?” he pushed. you bit your tongue. you didn’t even know his name. yikes. “let’s start.” aaron called. saved by hotch. thank goodness. “this ain’t over.” derek warned the two of you. yes it was. by the end of the day morgan would’ve forgotten all about this.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

you were right like always. morgan didn’t ask anymore about it, instead offering to get drinks. you turned it down, desperate to get home and text your boy. and you did, only at 11pm.

hey, sorry it’s so late. had a long day at work.

no worries, so did i. listen, i have a question.

this boy only sent messages that would make your heart drop. with a pacing heart, you texted back.

yes?

his ‘online’ button flashes on. then he was typing. then he was deleting. it seemed like hours before he responded.

what’s your name?

godamnit. you didnt have a display name because you didn’t want anyone you knew finding your account. what’s a fake name you can use? maybe...

lila.

why did you pick spencer’s ex’s name? you don’t know. you remember being insanely jealous of her because she got to kiss spencer in the pool while you were posted outside. your crush on spencer was still very much alive, but not as much as it was with pretty boy.

that’s a pretty name.

thanks. now you have to tell me yours ;)

you’ve never been so nervous for a text conversation in your life. for some reason, the back of your head wondered what it would be like if you were texting spencer. it was just a thought, though. spencer would never say half of this stuff.

call me morgan.

oh NO. please no... you stalked his profile again, terrified that you’ve been flirting with your coworker this past month. alas, your eye caught another body picture- this time of his arm. no tattoos like derek. not to mention he was much smaller. not that that’s a bad thing. you don’t think you’d ever be able to handle derek...

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

you arrived at work yet again with a blushing face. “come on, you can’t keep hiding this from me! tell me something at least!” derek whined. “okay! his name is morgan. and i know what you’re thinking, and no, it’s not you, my boy is much more attractive.” derek’s mouth formed into an ‘O’ shape in fake offense. “that’s damn near impossible. ain’t nobody prettier than derek morgan.” spencer walked in now, again with a dorky smile on his face. “spencer. (y/n)’s got a crush on-“ you jumped to cover his mouth, the sound of your crush’s name muffled. “what- hey! no fair! derek gets to know but i cant?” spencer whined. derek held his hands up and sat back down, not wanting to get you mad. smart. “three can’t keep a secret.” was all you said before sitting down to clean your workspace.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

the new highlight of your day was texting morgan. you learned several things about him; he has a job he can’t specify for personal reasons, he really wants a dog but he feels like animals hate him. you told him about your cat joel, and how they could absolutely love him. he appreciated that.

if i tell you something, do you promise not to freak out?

depends. are you about to tell me you’re a serial killer?

no!

you giggled to yourself at your humor.

i wanna meet you.

you promised not to freak out, but you were freaking out. it was just now setting in that you didn’t know this man at all. where he lived, how old he was, even what he looked like. you took a few deep breaths and asked a question.

where do you live?

quantico virginia.

no hesitation on that one. he lived in the same town as you? you didn’t know how you’d be able to turn this down...

shit, me too. let’s meet up then.

i’ll send you a good place to get drinks.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

“every time you walk in here, you’re blushing. now so are your ears.” you beamed at derek, sitting at your desk before spilling. “i’m gonna meet him.” “wait what? are you sure that’s safe?” you rolled your eyes. “i’m an fbi agent. i’m not scared of a little danger.” you playfully winked and derek blew out a huff of air. “if anything happens, you know you can call me.” you pouted at your friend and nodded, appreciating his concern. spencer was spinning in his seat. “you happy too?” you asked. he only nodded and didn’t elaborate. you we’re going to press on, but hotch called you all in and you lost your chance.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

on rare occasions, the bau got tough cases with very happy endings. this was one of those cases. the plane ride home was extremely joyous and derek offered to get drinks again. this time, everyone accepted (all except hotch). you texted morgan telling him you were going out tonight and you wouldn’t be back till late. you laughed to yourself. it was like he was your boyfriend.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

the night was young and you were fairly tipsy. ok that’s generous, you were drunk. you were spending most of your time with penelope and it took you a minute to remember spencer. “ohmygosh! spence!” he was startled at your presence but he gave you that flat mouthed smile of his. “how are you! you’re my favorite scorpio.” you nodded as you said it, as if trying to convince him it was true. “thanks? i’m good. you’re drunk.” he pointed out. “no shit. hey!!! you never showed me your tumblr user! you gotta show me that girl you like, bet you she’s really sexy.” you didn’t even know what you were saying at this point, whipping out your phone and snapping a picture with spencer. “what are you doing?” he asked, watching you type. “posting this on tumblr! i want everyone to know you’re my favorite in the world.” he wanted to ask favorite what, but a ping on his phone distracted him. lila posted. he smiled and checked her page.

holy fuck.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

“(y/n)?” he asked, not looking away from his phone. “yess?” you responded. “what’s your tumblr?” what is your tumblr? “uhhh..i don’t know, check.” you tossed him your open phone, and his eyes only grew wider. “you’re lila?” the words rang through your ears like a siren. “what?” the word was breathy, you couldn’t add stability to what you said. spencer showed you his phone, ‘prettyboy187’ on the screen. “you’re morgan?” still no confidence in your voice whatsoever. your feelings were supposed to change, you weren’t supposed to like that morgan was spencer. but they didn’t. you didn’t even think about the fact he saw your swimsuit photos. you loved that morgan was spencer, and you still wanted to see him on the weekend. “are you mad?” you asked, not being able to stop yourself from sipping from your glass. “no. should i be?” you smiled. “no. do you still wanna meet up this weekend?” “yes. but i don’t wanna get drinks.” he wasn’t even drinking, why is he complaining. “where should we go then?” “my house.”

[realcube]

i would just like to thank you for crunching out sm stuff for us and blessing us with such good writing!! 💕💗💕💗😩😪 truly *chefs kiss*

also could i request hcs on how tendou, fukunaga, matsukawa, bokuto, and iwaizumi react to their s/o doing this tiktok trend?

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMee9HVe8/

(a/n): 🙏 i should be the one thanking y’all for reading my content tbh! 💕 oh and this request is absolutely adorable!

summary of the video: a person peppers their cat with kisses to the audio of a man saying, ‘i love you. mwah mwah mwah. you set my soul on fire’

content warning: sexual references, choking & dick sizes

satori tendō

♡ he would cackle if you tried to do the accent 

♡ i’d say he knows the trend but he doesn’t look like he uses tiktok and even if he did, he’d be on deep tiktok

♡ anyway, if you don’t do the accent and you just start kissing him while filming, he’ll just smile 

♡ like he just got all warm inside 

♡ he thinks his smile is subtle but when he rewatches the video and notices his foolishly large grin, he insists that you delete it 

♡ but plz don’t- he really appreciates the fact you aren’t ashamed to be dating it and you actually want to show everyone on social media that you love him

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you propped your phone up against the salt shaker on the dinner table so the camera was angled at you and tendō, then you turned to him with a mischievous grin plastered on your face which made him falter in eating his chicken nugget. 

“are you okay, babe?” he inquired through a mouthful of mcnugget as your eyes seemed fixated on him, though you weren’t doing anything besides stare. 

he was forced to swallow once the sound began and you started peppering his face with kisses to the beat, leaving him sitting like a statue in shock. the only part of his that moved was the corner of his lips twitching up to form a large grin. 

 once the sound finished, you snaked your arms under his and chest your head against his chest for a moment before grabbing your phone to watch the video, allowing tendō to peer over your shoulder and watch it too. then, he realised how insanely wide his smile was, “are you gonna post that?” 

“not if you don’t want me to.” you hummed against his chest, feeling his slender fingers slip through your hair to cradle the back of your head and hold it tight against his chest. 

“eh.” he shrugged. if you were to delete it, at least the world wouldn’t have to see him smiling like an idiot upon getting some sugar but if you were to post it, he’d be beyond flattered that you’d want to share you relationship publicly - it reassured him that you’re not embarrassed to be with him.

hajime iwaizumi

♡ while you do it, he just sits and stares at you like ◉_◉

♡ he has no idea what’s going on UIEFLAERN why are you filming while kissing him and lipsyncing to some guy with a hot accent??????

♡ bc he wants to do it back to you but he’s just frozen in shock for a moment 

♡ but if you lipsync to the words, at the ‘you set my soul on fire’ part, he’d probably make a sarcastic comment like ‘you have one of those?’

♡ anyway, for the most part, he’s paralysed 

♡ like he doesn’t want to do anything embarrassing on camera yet he’s also extremely confused so as soon as you pick up your phone and end the recording, he literally tackles you to the ground 

♡ ‘WHAT THE FUCK?! DELETE THAT RIGHT NOW!! DON’T YOU DARE POST IT!’

♡ and he doesn’t just have hajime iwaizumi body btw- he’s got hajime iwaizumi (27) athletic trainer body 

♡ so don’t expect to escape his grip unless he lets you 

♡ but if you manage to get away with the video, plz don’t send it to any of his friends- they will tease him and use it as blackmail-

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you set your phone down on the coffee table then hit record, leaning back and shuffling even closer to iwaizumi on the couch. this caught his attention so his eyes momentarily shifted off the tv to look at you with a perplexed expression which became more prominent once he noticed that he was also being filmed.

“wha--” he cut himself off upon feeling your lips press against his forehead, then his cheek, then his chin; basically his whole face had felt your affection by the time the sound finished. 

he was taken aback, to say the least. the whole thing went by in a blur - a pleasant blur, but a blur none the less. he was too busy enjoying the feeling of your soft lips against his skin to realise that his resting expression looked similar to the one he wore when walked in on matsukawa and makki comparing dick sizes in the changing room.

once you pulled away and grabbed your phone to watch the video, he got the opportunity to observe the stupid look he wore and he instinctively tried to snatch the phone from your hand. This resulting in him lying on top of you on the couch, suffocating you with his cologne, trying to grab your phone but the frantic flailing of your arms posed challenge. 

“Gimme that damn phone! Don’t you dare send that to anyone! Did you see my fac--”

“Iwa, get the fuck off me!” you wheezed, your voice muffled from his beefy chest being pushed against your face.

RIP (Y/N). Cause of death: Iwaizumi Hajime’s muscles

kōtarō bokuto 

♡ whenever you start filming him, he immediately goes like :) 

♡ but then when you sit down next to him and film y’all together then he goes like :D

♡ THEN WHEN YOU START COVERING HIS FACE WITH KISSES TO A CUTE-ASS SOUND, HE’S LIKE 🥰

♡ but fr, he melts 

♡ you’re just so damn cute

♡ he doesn’t really question what you are doing, he just enjoys it

♡ he probably wraps his arms around your waist too and tries give you kisses back

♡ oh! and if you repeat what they guy in the audio says (’i love you’ & ‘you set my soul on fire.’), bokuto will say the same back 🥺

♡ pulls you onto his lap if you weren’t already sitting on him

♡ he insists that you post it, no matter how silly either of you look - he wants the world to see how in love you two are 

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you plop yourself down next to him as soon as you hit record on your phone then immediately began placing kisses all over bokuto’s face and if you wasn’t grinning like an idiot before, he sure was now.

“I love you!” you tried to do the accent while desperately stifling a giggle, continuing to peck his cheek, “you set my soul of fire-”

 you were forced to pause as bokuto caught your lips in his own, pressing down on the small of your back to deepen the kiss, “i love you more, baby! you set my soul on fire too - whatever that means.” he exclaimed, all while wearing a wide, toothy grin.

once you finally pull away to grab your phone, you held it in between you and bokuto so he could watch it along with you. he bounced giddily in place, squeezing your other hand tightly, “you’re precious, (y/n).” he muttered before pumping his fists and cheering, “post it! post it! post it! post it!”

issei matsukawa 

♡ you tried this on him while he was studying chemistry and although neither of you thought much of it in the moment, he’ll never forgive you bc he ended up failing his chem test 😭

♡ anyway 

♡ he questions what you are doing at first but when he hears the sound, he realises what trend you’re doing immediately (bc i hc that he lowkey has a social media addiction)

♡ so he just sits there with this cocky ass smirk on his face while you shower him with your love

♡ not bc he’s unappreciative - like he think you’re cute as hell - but if you’re gonna post it, he wants to look cool, yk?

♡ also he wants to just keep up his nonchalant attitude towards all physical touch 

♡ yes, even sex 

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you propped your phone up on the water bottle sat on his desk and stood a seat on his lap, to which he gladly welcomed as he slipped his arm around your waist to hold you in place as you straddled him.

your hands cupped his face so he looked you in the eye, hence he dropped his pencil and slammed the brakes on whatever studying he was doing as nothing was more important to him them tending to your prettyself. 

once you began pecking him along with lipsyncing along to words the guy said, he just stared at you with a smug smirk gracing his features, humming lowly in agreement whenever you’d say anything. of course, he ensured that his head was angled in a way that the camera got the holy sight of his sharp jawline. 

his gazed at you though hooded lips, staying frozen in place until your eventually picked up your phone, swiftly deleting the video with a pouty expression. “hey- whatcha going? why ya deleting it? did you see my jaw?” he asked, clearly offended.

“you’re so boring, issei.” you whined, trying to conceal the fact your pout was slowly becoming a smile. “You were supposed to rail me, that’s the whole point of the trend.” you joked, not expecting for matsukawa’s hand to immediately latch onto your throat, “hah, well, you could’ve just asked nicely, doll.”

shōhei fukunaga 

♡ he kinda just chuckles at first 

♡ but as you continue, he’ll jerk his head around with his lips pursed to try capture your lips with his

♡ he’s honestly not sure what he’s supposed to do so please guide him 

♡ i’d say he seems like the sorta guy to hate being filmed but post-timeskip, he’s a comedian so he’d probably try put on a show for the camera 

♡ maybe subtly massage the back of your head, perhaps he’ll bite his bottom and give you ✨the look✨, or he’ll hold your jaw and longingly gaze at you- who knows?

♡ anything to keep you entertained （づ￣3￣）づ╭❤～

♡ WRUGETG BUT WHATEVER HE DOES, HE’S GONNA CRINGE IMMEDIATELY AFTER AND REGRET IT ><

♡ like you’ll try show him the video but he just turns away and covers his eyes like 😑 ‘no i don’t want to see’

♡ if you try post it though he will go feral

♡ probably tickles you, snatches your phone then deletes it 

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you clutched you phone as you looked at fukunaga dreamily while recording yourself. the noticed your odd behaviour but once he realised you were also recording, he just thought, ‘ah, that explains it.’

but what he didn’t expect was for you pounce on him then start covering his face in kisses. at first, he crinkles his nose and chuckled but just as you were about to say the second bit of dialog, an idea hit him. so without thinking, he gripped your throat then flipped y’all over so he was now on top, then he pressed his lips against your forehead while making the ‘mwah’ sound effect.

this took you by surprise so the last frame of the video was of you looking truly shocked and him looking down on your with a suggestive smirk - which was followed up by a sweet kiss but the video cut off before that. 

you both stared at the video as it replayed, neither of you liking what you were seeing. 

fukunaga was the first one to mention it though as he scrambled off you to grab your phone, “gimme that! you’re camera makes me look so weird.” you allowed him to yank your phone from your hands as you folded your hands behind your head, “my camera. sure.”

“sh-”

[soviet-history-detective]

What is the cost of not respecting boundaries?

(For those who haven’t seen, Part 1 and Part 2) A quick rundown for the people who are wondering what’s going on: Hello, folks. I am one of the leading Chernobyl/Legasov researchers who runs this youtube channel. I found the audio fragments of Legasov tapes which became quite a hit and received praise from Craig Mazin. Legasov tapes, which the migty HBO couldn’t find with their Russian-speaking consultants and millions of dollars of budget. I found rare photos and pre-Chernobyl videos of Legasov, translated a substantial amount of documentary material on Soviet near history topics, a good chunk of that being on Legasov and Chernobyl.  I am a live and let live kind of person and I was willing to look the other way with the Valoris shipping business cause “they were shipping the tv show characters and fangirling about the actors” so I ignored it and posted historical information, answered questions, unearthed and translated documentary videos and text material.   Then I abruptly stopped and went quiet cause the shipper gang went too far and started writing gross shit, rape fantasies and dragging real people who weren’t even in the tv show into their godawful fics -one of them being someone I highly admire, respect and look up as an inspiration and role model notwithstanding. 

They didn’t stick to Valoris, they had to involve the people who were not in the script at all. People whose names they learned from me. They had the audacity to discuss their fucked up fantasies (which they call headcanons) right under my nose, they couldn’t control themselves since they are completely driven by base animal instincts and some of them are downright sociopaths with no boundaries: Rabid and depraved, driven only by the primitive sexual instincts, with a two digit IQ, no understanding of boundaries, ethics, morals, completely bereft of common respect and decency. It’s creepy as hell -run for the hills kind of creepy.  (When I say no ethics and morals I don’t mean only sexual perversions. One of them is notorious for plagiarizing other people’s content in multiple social media platforms and acting indifferent when called out.) So I got creeped out, grossed out, infuriated, disillusioned and went quiet. Blocked everyone who was associated with Valoris to avoid their gross thirst talks. Blocked the tag too. Stopped posting new finds after the last Legasov video compilation. Stopped translating videos and text material for a long while.

They are way past normal shipping. This is some seriously fucked up shit.  Here are a couple of examples (Warning: Gross content, rape fantasies, scroll past the images and continue reading below if you can’t stomach or are a minor)

Here is more rape:

Their biggest argument is “We are writing fics about the fictionalized tv show characters” which is total and utter bullshit, because:

Nikolai Ryzhkov was not in the tv show at all.

Neither was Vladimir Gubarev. Why are they in those fics?

This isn’t all, there are public posts here where they were bouncing ideas and coming up with the most abhorrent fantasies about a real person who was NOT in the tv show. I don’t have the time to search them, plus they are really gross, you are better off not seeing it. (A paranthesis here: I’m totally indifferent about explicit fics if they involve only fictional characters and not promote rape culture. Just to make things clear.)

If you are using the names of real people, you are shipping real people. Period. I can write a fic using the shipper gang’s names in an alternate reality setting where they are an evil gang of cannibalistic cunts who raid maternity wards and butcher all the babies then burn puppies ad kittens alive for fun. Or I can write a fic where they all get sodomized with saguaro cacti dipped in ghost pepper sauce by sadistic rogue KGB agents. It’s fictionalized versions of them in an alternate universe after all, so it’s totally ok. Right? Well, there really is no point arguing these things, and that is not even the point of this post. I’m just saying it’s fucked up, creepy and wrong in every way. 

Not to mention they bully and gaslight people who speak up against them. Grown ass women bullying a 15 year old and adding a transphobic comment after learning they are trans is NOT COOL. @ihatefandomsfuckyouall can testify as the target of their bullying. That’s wrong and creepy as hell. 

HOWEVER. Like I said in the previous post, this won’t be about a holy jihad against shipping or some big anti-shipper crusade.  Nope, nope and nope with nope sauce.

Ship away, ship all you want, ship till you drop, ship till you turn Fedex green with envy. I am not here to lecture sociopaths driven solely by primitive sexual instincts and bereft of any kind of boundaries, morals, common respect and decency. There is nothing I or anyone can do about it. Like i said, I have no intention of trying to talk sense into anyone or giving sermons. So rest assured that I am well aware it’s pointless and stupid to wage a war against shipping, however gross and vile it is. I can’t stop you from sexualizing anything that walks (or has been long dead) and spewing sick ass fantasies. I will repeat for those with two digit IQ: I know there is nothing I or anyone can do to stop you from doing what you are doing, absolutely nothing. So I will do NOTHING. Got it? Whoever claims otherwise is full of shit, I will do absolutely NOTHING, you got my word 100%.

Seriously I won’t hate on you, I won’t call for holy wars and witch hunts. So, rest assured, I will not make any move against any of you, nope. Besides I don’t have the time for that, I have a busy life and better things to do. No war, no hate, no screaming, no drama, nothing. Is that clear? Capiche? Comprende? Понятно? 

Well, now let’s get to the heart of the matter:

I have been quiet but not idle. I’ve been contacting people, sending queries, making phone calls, digging state archive repositories. I have been finding material and boy did I find material! I happen to be one of the very few people who are blessed with an extraordinary ability to find things no one else can find. You have seen what I can find by utilizing search engines and going through links. Even Craig Mazin himself was mighty impressed with my finds, the proof is out there in public view, I won’t bother digging it up now.

Anyway. It turns out I can find hell of a lot more than that by contacting people, sending queries, making phone calls and digging through state archive repositories. Some of it costs pretty penny but no matter, I don’t mind paying for never-before-published video footage that is not on the internet. Some of it is not even digitized so you gotta pay extra fee for digitization and it can be quite high depending on the video length and media.

We are talking about HD videos here. There is excellent AI video processing software out there which can turn even the most primitive 19th century videos to crystal clear 60 fps HD so we are good. (Example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HbElEqm1TQ) I have photos that can’t be found by searching the internet. You’d drop dead if you saw some of them. I’m working on getting the full footage of Legasov’s IAEA presentation. It’s hella difficult, you have to personally go to Vienna and go through the seven hells and seven lower hells to obtain access. Also you need to be a research scientist with a reference letter. (All this info and list of requirements can be found on IAEA official site.) I won’t get into the details but I have it all sorted out, scientist and all. It wasn’t easy and it took a damn lot of time, effort, pulling family connections etc. Now the only remaining roadblock is this accursed coronavirus. As soon as the pandemic subsides a trip to Vienna shall be in order. The long Q&A session following Legasov’s report is unfortunately not available, but Legasov’s report certainly is (after fulfilling a laundry list of requirements.)

This is not all. There are photos (in addition to the publicly available ones I posted before) and video footage of Ryzhkov visiting Chernobyl, Legasov’s meetings, partial video of one Polituro meeting. There is this one precious footage where Legasov is laughing and drinking vodka. I won’t even say how many hours of work it took to find that. (Plot twist: I’m not the one who found it!) I have a pile of videos of Ryzhkov when he was the chairman of the council of ministers of the USSR, which are historical records of tremendous importance and not on Youtube. Buddies who have seen them had insta-man crush on him without even hearing my translation. Some of you would KILL for those, I know for a fact. For the Legasov drinking-partying video you would sell your soul to the devil (who wouldn’t?)

I have an IAEA report with an extremely rare photo you can’t find by searching. I won’t tell you who is in it cause I don’t want to supply anything you could use for your gross fics. Suffices to say one of them is someone you are drooling about and the other one is a big shot name that’s not on your radar and will unleash all kinds of fic ideas once you hear it. So nope. I ain’t giving you another Ryzhkov, I learned my lesson. I have video footage of that same man giving high praise to Legasov, talking with a tone of fondness, defending him against accusations. Such a sweet video. It put tears in my eyes. I can see you gang drooling a lake over that one so hell fucking no.  

Did I mention I started translating Legasov documentaries? Every single one on youtube. Including the entire Звезда Полынь. Also planning to convert some Legasov footage to HD using the aforementioned software tools. 

I have actually been posting videos and text material translations left and right, just out of your sight (nice rhyme, isn’t it?) 90% the material I listed above is either in the pipeline or in my hard disk.  @tryingtobealwaystrying can verify. She helped out a great deal with the IAEA business and I owe her one for that. We are both individually damn good at finding stuff but it turned out we can work wonders as a team. As a result, we have a treasure trove of the highest order in hand and in the works. 

And, here is the deal: YOU WILL SEE NONE OF IT.

N.O.N.E.

Not a shred. Not a pixel. Nothing. Ничего. Совсем нет. 

Get it now? “You didn’t see it cause it’s not there!” 

You won’t see it cause it won’t be there! 

So, this is it. I can’t do anything about your shipping scumbaggery but I can cut off your supply and deprive you of material and information. You will NEVER be able to find any of it on your own (let alone afford the fees for.) 

I will deprive you of the fruits of my labor. 

Indefinitely.

Of course that doesn’t mean I’ll keep it all to myself. I will share them but not in public. In fact I have translated and posted some videos you wanted real bad, one of them got 1000 views overnight but they are not public, for my work is not for the eyes of the wicked and unclean miscreants. I post them in shipper-free foreign forums you can’t find and send links privately to decent, wholesome people who are interested in Chernobyl and Soviet history for the passion to learn and admiration for the historical figures, not for spinning depraved fantasies and writing horrendous, projectile-vomit-inducing sex fics. And -as those of you who possess three digit IQ’s might have figured out!- I am not alone in that. (Plot twist FTW!)  Congrats, folks. You managed to alienate and drive away the top Chernobyl-Legasov researchers and translators with your hideous debauchery, extreme scumbaggery and abominable attitude. So, this is your punishment: NOTHING. This is the consequence you will deal with. This is the cost of your choices. 

A big nothing is all you will ever get from now on. 

See, told ya, there is absolutely nothing I can do about your gross shipping and scumbaggery so I will do NOTHING. 

Got the joke? LOL. I have awesome humor don’t I :) 

No more videos. No more photos. No more answers. No more translations. No more information.

You royally fucked up, people. You don’t get to eat the cake and the icing, especially not when you offend and insult the cooks, take a dump in the middle of the restaurant and masturbate while rolling in it. You could have kept it out of sight. You could have exercised some goddamn tact. But no, you had to behave like animals in heat. 

Well, you can continue obsessing over the TV show scripts until you get sick of it.  I will be posting translations of different parts of Soviet history like the WW2 era. You can ship Hitler and Stalin all you want. Get those headcanons rolling! I will even give you a prompt: Stalin cheats on Hitler with Mussolini. LMAO. 

You know what, I take back the not a pixel thing. We may post screenshots from the videos and low-res crops from the photos from time to time just to rub it in your face. 

Here is one where they are grilling Velikhov shortly after Legasov’s suicide. Oh boy you gotta see his face when they start bombarding him about Legasov’s death.... 

Here is the shot from a long video where the legendary Premier Ryzhkov is sporting the legendary 80′s Soviet glasses in all his superlative handsome glory. He is giving an interview about important historical turning points in this video and this isn’t even the best shot. You have to pay to get a copy but before that you need a superpower-like ability to find where it is in the first place. I scaled it up to 1440×1080 but not gonna put the high resolution version cause I’m such a darling.

  Here is Ryzhkov in the famous white work attire of the Soviet era. Looks familiar, yes? Do I need to tell WHERE he is and what he is doing? (Hint: The year is 1986.)

Oh man, oh man. How worried he looks, so heart-wrenching. The footage is only about 3 minutes but absolutely solid gold. I won’t say whether there is Legasov or Scherbina or BOTH of them appearing in this footage cause I’m such a sweetheart.

Unfortunately I am not at liberty to post any Legasov shots cause I am not the finder of the Legasov videos we currently have at hand. Too bad, so sad.  There you go. Enjoy your cold dish of nothing. Bon appetite. Adios amigas!  WHAT IS THE COST OF NOT RESPECTING BOUNDARIES? @tryingtobealwaystrying​ @the--arch @ihatefandomsfuckyouall​ @rarravai​ @weronikaisback​ @live-long-and-time-warp​ @tryingtobealwaystrying​ @chernobylgal86​ 

[nny11writes]

For the fic writer ask game: What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write? (Feel free to rant :) )

Hahahaha, sorry were you looking for one trope? 

I’m usually so positive so now you’ve done it. You’ve unlocked me complaining about random shit that doesn’t usually matter. Because the damn busted wide the fuck open! Okay, so I’m going to approach this as outside of smut fics with intense kinks I can’t stand (vore, foot fetish, scat play, etc), because that’s me getting squicked and/or triggered and not just tropes that I wish would die in a fire.

My only disclaimer up front is that if you love most of these (hopefully it’ll be obvious which ones I will not forgive/excuse you from), that’s awesome! Go for it! Read it, write it, print it out to loving re-read and paste on the walls! Fandom is, in large part, about finding your niche and enjoying what you enjoy pretty much shamelessly. So I’m not passing judgement on anyone who enjoys reading or writing (most of) these.

CW: rape, sexual assault Also I’ve had a shit few days, so if you don’t want to read someone just being negative and bitching this is probably not the post for you friend. But it all below a cut so people can avoid!

Crossover Fics/Rule 50

My main gripe with this is that without fail a series I love get crossed over with a fandom I either don’t care about or hate. Every time I’ve tried to force myself to read one it’s never worked out for me. Sometimes fics aren’t properly tagged and I’m getting into the setting only for other characters from another fandom to suddenly show up and literally I instantly loose interest. The closest I got to writing a crossover fic, was on FF.net where I had all the characters I wrote for “talking to me” when I hit a big wall of writer’s block in the hopes that writing something so different and strange for me would help. It didn’t. It was interesting for 0.2 seconds to wonder how characters would interact, but then I instantly lost interest because I end up leaning so heavily of character tropes to make it work which, for me, isn’t fun to read or write.

Like, just write fusion! I like fusion! I’m currently writing a SPOP-SW fusion! It allows me to play with characters in a fun world that I already understand, but without the frustration of characters becoming more 2D or very OOC (or both) to force them to interact with one another. Rage Fics

Honestly? If you write and post rage fics, fuck you. Full stop. Fuck you. 

I’m about to tangent, but I swear it’s related. This is the equivalent of someone tagging a character or ship or fandom they hate in a post bashing them or blasting them to hell and back. Fucking beyond rude and obnoxious. That’s what rage fics are cranked up to 11. You are 100% allowed to hate on fandom/character/ship/trope/whatever the fuck, but when you do that shit you are forcing people who enjoy the media to see/interact with your BS because you fucking tagged it to show up where we are. A great example here in SPOP is Catra. I love her! I understand why some people don’t, and they’re 100% allowed to hate her and resent that so many people like her. Recently I went to the Catra tag to find art and fic, maybe some of the top notch meta this fandom puts out if I was lucky, and got stuck seeing post after post after meta post comparing her to another character in the show to explain why she’s an awful person, badly written character, and anyone who likes her (but didn’t like the poster’s fave) was an idiot/asshole/troll/bitch/dumbass and you know what? I went from having a decent time decompressing after a shitty day at work to getting fucking sent around the sun with stress. Like, bro, I’m here to ENJOY myself thanks, and when you tag things I go to for fun and fluff when I’m out of spoons and ready to snap to ranting about hating it, you make me want to scream.

Y’all don’t know how many people are lucky that I write up responses in word so I can get it out of my system and then just DELETE the whole fucking thing. Rage fic is that same fucking set up, but instead of being a relatively quick post (where I can block the poster here on tumblr), it’s a fanfic that people are going to continue to click into over and over and over again for fun only to get body slammed. There’s no way to warn people on AO3 if something is a rage fic beyond not leaving a kudos and dropping a comment. I don’t know a lot of people who read comments first so it doesn’t always work. 

If you post rage fics, grow up. Stop that shit. Fuck you. Instead, try not purposefully interacting with fandom that makes you so mad that you think doing this is an appropriate reaction. Block tags, block users, regulate comments, go whole fucking hog. You should be able to enjoy fandom too! But if you can’t do that without tearing down other people in fandom then you make me want to beat you over the head until you self-isolate to play by yourself in a different sandbox. Seriously. Fuck you if you do this.

Troll Fics

Did you think I came on strong for rage fics? This is worse. 

If you do this? Fuck you. You get NOTHING but my pure rage and if I find this shit I will report you however I can and then shout from the rooftops about it. And I’m sure if you do write troll fics because you enjoy being purposefully offensive and triggering then you’re probably delighted that my reaction to just thinking about this is wishing I had the power to fuck up your life. 

Like, the ONLY thing I can say for rage fic is that at least typically the person writing it actually enjoys some aspect of the fandom or fandom in general. 

Troll fics are just meant to be offensive on purpose and if you write and post that you’re a bad person. No exceptions. You can make different choices and work to become a better person or a good person, but right now, right this second as you do it? You’re a bad person. You should probably figure out why you get so much joy out of posting things with the sole purpose of hurting/triggering/being cruel to others. And you might need help to do that. I legit think you should reach out to people with different opinions from your own to try and break out of it. Get a therapist. Do fucking something worthwhile, because posting troll fics is not worth anyone’s while. Fuck you. Rape as a Backstory

I hope I don’t have to fucking explain why this makes me want to literally explode. I’m purposefully not writing that as R*pe so that people with rape tagged don’t see this.

If you think that rape is the only way to push your story forward or is a great way to give a character “free and easy trauma”, literally stop. Just. Fucking. Stop. There are other ways. Really look at your work, really think about /why/ it’s so important to you that the character /has/ to be raped. Most of the time the real answer is you don’t have a reason you just chose it because you either don’t care, think it’s not a big deal, or never considered other possibilities. There are stories where rape does need to be included, stories that address the topic kindly and/or tag appropriately for it. I’ve read some of these that were really amazing, both short (<1k) and long (>100k) because the author actually took a hot second to address the topic in an intelligent way. Whether that was to dive into how it’s harmful, address their own trauma, or (honestly) even for the smut porn of it but with all the proper tags on it. If you have it to be purely enjoyed by yourself and/or others with dubcon or noncon kinks, cool, good for you, TAG IT APPROPRIATELY. Fucking bless writers who still use “Dead Dove/Do Not Eat” tags y’all are doing great work. But the vast majority using this trope? 

They aren’t that, they aren’t anything like that at all, they aren’t always tagged correctly or at all and that’s by design, it’s often for shock value or a quick ‘well that’s why they’re anti-social’, it’s sometimes used as an excuse for one character to swear off sex until the “right person” comes along to “cure them”, and they shouldn’t have ever been posted.

Redemption Equals Sex/Sexual Karma

I know this is spring boarding a bit, but please stop writing these two tropes. 

I’m exhausted  y’all. And not just because I’m asexual. This trope is disgusting and usually comes with heaps of sexism, racism, and homophobia. If you want to write smut please just write the fucking smut. I’m literally posting smut fic and am planning to work on another one tonight! JUST WRITE SMUT WITHOUT MAKING IT DISGUSTINGLY ANTI-MINORITY GROUPS AND PLAYING INTO HARMFUL STEREOTYPES.  If bad guys become good(ish) guys because a woman saw past their barriers, took care of them, are a surrogate mother, and then had wild and kinky sex with them then it’s a bad fic. Likewise, if a character is punished for having sex, or is sexually assaulted to show that they’re now bad then it’s a bad fic.

If a character’s suffering is rewarded with sex to “cure” them and “make them better” then it’s a bad fic.

There are so many ways that this shit becomes a seriously harmful fic.

Please. Please, stop doing this. I am on my knees. Stop!

I am sick of ‘Draco’s in Leather Pants’ (can’t fucking believe I’m whipping that term out again holy shit what year is it) getting redeemed because they slept with someone and now found a reason to care. Sex leading someone on the path towards redemption is so EXTREMELY rarely handled in a way that’s well done. Just. Don’t. Be an unapologetic villain lover, slap them in an AU where they aren’t a pure villain, but don’t do this. Like I wrote above, I’m also just sick of (usually, but not always) dudes who put rape in to punish (usually, but not always) female characters or to punish weak/pushover characters (usually, but not always males). And equally tired of traumatized characters “casting off their shackles” to enjoy wild and kinky sex because someone with a magic dick/strap/fingers/tongue “showed them it’s okay” and “made it all better”.

Just, don’t. Be a fucking decent human being and don’t.

Character/Reader Fics

I...I really just don’t get this? It’s very uncomfortable to me and I’m assuming that’s due to me being aroace, I can’t read them and if I try to I either become so uncomfortable I stop or so rage filled I stop. 

I don’t mind 2nd person stories, but most of the ones I see are character/reader fics and it’s...like, it’s just bad. Not “cringe” just enjoyable for me. I can’t explain why I hate this so much considering I do enjoy some 2nd person fics. Idk, I really don’t have the words to explain why these bother me so much. :\

I ain’t got an alternative, if you like these you like them, and if you don’t you just don’t. Thank you for tagging so I can avoid. Have fun on your own! Song Fics and/or Audio/Sound Cue Fics

Sorry guys, I just hate it. I can’t really read a fic and listen to music at the same time, it becomes background noise 100% and detracts from both for audio cue fics.

Fuck, just realized I don’t know if people know what those are. Audio/Sound cue fics are fics where you’re reading along and all the sudden there’s a link or URL that you’re supposed to follow to help set up the next scene/enhance it. Hate it. Hate, hate, hate. It detracts from your story and makes it weaker while being annoying and breaking me the reader out of my enjoyment of your story. Hate! Telling me in the A/N that this (or these) are the song(s) you listened to while writing, song(s) you based the story on, or even that you think they’re good songs to get you in the mood for the story is totally okay! I’ll probably ignore it unless I went head over heels for it, in which case I WILL go back and listen to all of them. (Why hello Rhythm and Blues, you punched me in the face and I now listen to every song even vaguely mentioned in the story or A/N, you’re that good, it’s so fucking good guys, I can’t stop talking about this fucking series it’s just so good?????????) Song fics are also typically in this boat for me. And I want to be really clear, not fics where a character is singing in the fic with lyrics written out. That doesn’t bother me, that song is now effectively part of the story and draws me in. But if it’s paragraphs of description before suddenly cutting it’s annoying. Why, oh why, do I put up with this misery? Still looking for a reason For now it is a mystery to me Why, oh why, do I put up with this misery? Still looking for a reason But for now it's ancient history to me

So yeah I’m making an example to complain about the example. 

But question. 

Was that needed? 

All I did was make overly explicit my feelings in this text that was already there in what I’d written. Song fics feel to me like writers who aren’t confident that their writing is good/understandable/relatable and so they are desperately throwing someone else’s creation into their own in the hopes the reader will get it. Friend, I promise you, we’ll get it without the song! The song lyrics detract when they’re just floating out there, and have taken goods fics and made them frustrating. Either that or you think you’re so amazing that your shit don’t stink and the rest of us idiots can choke because of your brilliance. I’ve found several song fics that if I copy and paste them into a word document and delete the song out, I really enjoyed the fic itself on it’s own merits in a way I literally couldn’t with the lyrics in there. Again, if you are weaving music into your fic, weave it in. Have characters sing, write the lyrics out as a character is listening to the music, quote the song in your fic (preferably without it being super obvious. I’m not saying my take on that was the best, but I did write a Catradora fic on giftly request based on a song and I 100% used lyrics from it in my prose and built my whole plot around it without breaking out to quote the song explicitly), just do something that’s not, like, punching me in the face because “clearly I couldn’t get it” or from a fear that “they won’t understand”. At best you seem insecure and unsure about your story, which is fantastic without the song. At worst it seems like you’re saying your fic is so beyond the average reader that we would never understand your vision without someone else’s original content in it.

[sippin-on-red-wine]

No. 6 Collaborations Project: A review!

It’s been a week since this fabulous album has dropped into our hands. Click “Keep reading to hear my thoughts on each track!

Track 1. Beautiful People Khalid ★★★★ Favorite Lyric: You look stunning dear/So don’t ask that question here

Thoughts/Reflection: Ed keeps referring to this song as ‘cozy’ and I completely agree. The vibe is cool. I love the tone of his voice here and I think it meshes really nicely with Khalid’s. The content isn’t super relatable, but I think we can all take something away from this one. It’s a good note on self-awareness and being able to see the reality in things that may look glamorous on the surface. 

-

Track 2. South of the Border feat. Camila Cabello, Cardi B ★★★★★ Favorite Lyric: So join me in this bed that I’m in/Push up on me and sweat darlin’/So I’m gonna put my time in/Won’t stop until the angels sing

Thoughts/Reflection: This track is literally freaking scorching hot fire. TBH I’m surprised that they led the album with IDC and not this one. It feels like big radio potential to me. Regardless, this song is an absolute BOP - so catchy and so fucking sexy. 

I know Ed’s Spanish leaves something to be desired ☺ But I feel like we can cut him some slack after singing (yet another) song dedicated to going down on a woman. The ginger is forgiven! Five stars for him! And I’m going to have SOTB on repeat all summer (or for the rest of my life).

Oh, I also really like Cardi on this song. IDK if she’s problematic or w/e, I don’t really follow her in the media at all. But her verse is fun. (I think Ed got a lil jungle fever AY) bahahahah

-

Track 3. Cross Me feat. Chance the Rapper, PnB Rock ★★★★★ Favorite Lyric: Know she gonna slide anytime you bitches talk shit/Keep a lil blade in her fuckin’ lip gloss kit 

Thoughts/Reflection: Love love love LOVE this one. It just makes you want to get up and DANCE the damn thing! I have to laugh a little at the thought of Ed being hard & tough, lol, but it’s a cool concept nonetheless. Like he said in his Charlemagne interview, it’s kind of a love song…. but a different tempo. It’s catchy as all hell and Chance’s verse is fucking cool. 

Full points. 

-

Track 4. Take Me Back to London feat. Stormzy ★★★★★ Favorite Lyric: Coz you can win BRITS (it don’t stop)/And you can do Glasto (headline slot)

Thoughts/Reflection: Fuck. This song, though. IIt’s the first one that jumped out at me when I did my first full album listen. And I haven’t stopped listening since. The chorus is so syncopated. Stormzy is sick on this track, I love his voice so much. And it just feels like the two of them really play off each other nicely and probably had a blast making this song. 

Also, Ed flexing “Grossed half a billi on the Divide tour/No I’m not kidding what would I lie for” is BDE and I’m personally really here for it.

This song is a banger and you should dance in your kitchen to it while baking pastries. FIve stars for you, Big Mike and Teddy.

(Dear God please let Stormzy guest live in Ipswich)

-

Track 5. Best Part of Me feat. YEBBA ★★★★ Favorite Lyric: it’s not a lyric but that part when Ed & YEBBA are harmonizing perfectly in the whoooaaAAaaaA 

Thoughts/Reflection: I love the sound on this song! His voice is so raw and tender here. It reminds me of Plus era, but grown up. I think it may be how delicately he approaches the syllables in his verse and the chorus. YEBBA’s tone is super rich and lovely, and they sound great together.

I’m taking a “star” off here because I don’t love the lyrics. I get that he’s being vulnerable and showing insecurities in verse 1, but then YEBBA follows that up with lamenting about misplacing things and being late for the train? It doesn’t seem to match up with admitting physical/bodily insecurities. Also, it could just be that I hate that Ed thinks of himself this way.

DUDE IS HOT AF

-

Track 6. I Don’t Care feat. Justin Bieber ★★★★ Favorite Lyric: I don’t like nobody but you/I hate everyone here

Thoughts/Reflection: Oh god. When did this song come out? I’m trying to think back to my first impressions of it, LOL. It’s bright and poppy and of course it went and stayed #1 all summer (thus far). I remember thinking it was so cool that the melody is super mainstream and upbeat, but the underlying theme is around social anxiety. “Crippled with anxiety/But I’m told I’m where I’m sposed to be” 

I mostly skip this one now that the full album is out, but I think I listened to it for a full 48 hours on repeat when it first dropped. Bieber is problematic and shit, and honestly I don’t think he adds much to the song. I really like Ed’s acoustic version where he does the whole thing solo.

The bridge slaps. Literally. I love that clapping bit behind it. I wish that Ed hadn’t fucked up the lyrics to the bridge in the acoustic version lolololol

Four stars, will bop along for many moons to come

-

Track 7. Antisocial feat. Travis Scott ★★★★★ Favorite Lyric: So antisocial but I don’t care/Don’t give a damn I’m gonna smoke here/Got a bottle in my hand bring more tho

Thoughts/Reflection: DID YOU SEE HIM GUEST AT TRAVIS’ SHOW LAST NIGHT? This song was already one of my faves but holy shit. In interviews, Ed talks a lot about feeling awkward on stage without a guitar - but it didn’t look like that last night. He was bouncy as all hell, sounded great, looked great. Looked like he was loving the crowd’s energy too.

And the music video? That deserves a post all on it’s own.

This track is pretty short but it’s packed with good stuff. Ed’s intro is really strong here, the chorus is interesting despite the repetition. I physically can’t help but groove along to this tune. I’m sorry. I have no say in the matter

-

Track 8. Remember the Name feat. Eminem, 50 Cent ★★★★★ Favorite Lyric: 20 years old is when I came in the game/And now it's eight years on and you remember the name/And if you thought I was good, well, then I'm better today

Thoughts/Reflection: YES. YES. YES.  The song intros with a reference to Ipswich, bitch. I love how Ed makes those connections back to his upbringing.

It’s a little unreal that these three iconic voices/styles can flow so well on a song and still sound so balanced. 

I’ve got this one on repeat too. I’m determined to learn all of the words damnit!!

Five stars for a tune that I would love to see performed live someday.

-

Track 9. Feels feat. Young Thug, J Hus ★★★

Favorite Lyric: See you wigglin’, jigglin/If I have a bite will it taste like cinnamon?

Thoughts/Reflection: This song is fine. I like the feature verses. The song just doesn’t stick out that much for me.

-

Track 10. Put It All on Me feat. Ella Mai ★★★

Favorite Lyric: I try to be strong but I got demons/So can I lean on you?/I need a strong heart and a soft touch

Thoughts/Reflection: Falsetto. Falsetto everywhere. I love that! Ella Mai’s voice is so rich. Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot more to say on this one. It’s not a song I’m playing on repeat, but I don’t skip it either.

-

Track 11. Nothing On You feat. Paulo Londra, Dave ★★★★ Favorite Lyric: You and I/Whisky on ice/Maybe later we can turn down all the lights

Thoughts/Reflection: This song is SEXY and cool…. ‘smoke clouds and the scent of perfume’.... the imagery. Man. More falsetto here. Also, please go look up the translation of Paulo Londra’s verse. Thanks. I’m sweating. Is it hot in here? This album is *sexual* 

ALSO THE ‘BRRRP’ AFTER “they keep ringing my phone”  bahahahahah 

-

Track 12. I Don’t Want Your Money feat. H.E.R. ★★★★★

Favorite Lyric: I need you here for the good times and the bad times/Yeah the pullin’ out my hair gettin’ mad times/Not just the when I’m in your bed on my back times

Thoughts/Reflection: THIS IS SUCH A GODDAMN TUUUUNEEEEEE!!!!!!! I love this song so much. 10/10 jamming out to this in the car at every opportunity. Finger snappin’ cool r&b vibe. I love the super quick tempo (but not quite rap?) in Ed’s verses. And I always appreciate the little double-meaning-references in Ed’s songs - like ‘diamonds, silver or gold’ means $$$ of course, but also just success in terms of album sales performance.

TBH when I saw the title on Ed’s tracklist reveal, I totally thought this would be a slow mushy love song about how Ed’s lucky to have found someone who wasn’t into him for his money. This was a pleasant surprise!! I love that it’s a little angsty.

Five STARS bitch I love this song and y’all are sleeping on it

-

Track 13. 1000 Nights feat. Meek Mill, A Boogie Wit da Hoodie ★★★★

Favorite Lyric: Birds eye view/Pay my dues/For a two-mile queue

Thoughts/Reflection: i been ON for a thousAND NIGHTSSSSS NEW YORK TO LONDONNN DIFFERENT CITY EVERY DAYAYYY

1000 Nights: a flexy bop and I love it

This song is about the Divide tour which has been going for approximately 572 years. Not that I’m complaining.

But it’s cool (how many times have I said ‘cool’ in this post? don’t answer that). Ed loves touring and that comes out in this song. And Meek’s verse is so fun to rap along to!

Four stars.

-

Track 14. Way To Break My Heart feat. Skrillex ★★★★★

Favorite Lyric: I can’t stop thinkin’ bout her/And her lips on mine, so soft/Feelings I don’t know the name of

Thoughts/Reflection: biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch.

This song is NOSTALGIC and I simply adore it. It has that same… “cozy” feel that Beautiful People does. Which is strange, considering it’s a song about heartbreak. But it’s just so. Soft. And warm. 

We’re back to super soft placement of words and such pure tone. 

It’s hauntingly beautiful. And yet uptempo! Bless, Skrillex. I especially love the drums that come in during the chorus, after “you’re still gone, and i’ll say”

PS, the soft sound of mouth smacking at :13. Use headphones.

Some of my favorite Ed songs are ones about heartbreak, and I appreciate that he included one here. About an imaginary heartbreak 👀

Take another five stars from me, bud

- Track 15. BLOW feat. Chris Stapleton, Bruno Mars ★★★★★

Favorite Lyric: Hot damn/Pop it like a pistol mama/You got me down on my knees/Baby please?

Thoughts/Reflection: *laughing nervously*

Again, definitely not what I expected out of this track when the titles were all revealed. I LOVED release day on this one. The world collectively lost their shit. I need nothing more in this world than to see this song performed live, especially with a full band and Ed on an electric guitar. 

I’m still not over this loud, full, energetic song full of men bellowing about wanting to, well, fuck.

Bye

(five stars from me and also my 62 year old coworker Jan)

:::OVERALL:::

This album is SO GOOD MATE and I already cannot wait until the next collabs project! Ed blessed us with 15 amazing tracks to tide us over until Subtract comes out. They’re so different from his normal album stuff and I really love to see him try new sounds and get to create/collaborate with artists he admires so much.

it also has me real hot and bothered lmao

Thanks for coming to my tEd talk.

[jiminniethemarshmallow]

Going Up? (M)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Genre: Smut 

Word Count: 14k

Warnings: switch!reader, a little degradation, public... indecency, oral (f and m receiving)

A/N: Just a short story inspired by true events that occurred over the course of the semester

You hate elevators, especially the ones in your dorm that you have to take to get to your room on the 6th floor. They’re rickety and old and the one on the left occasionally shakes side to side when more than one person is on board, which really freaks the hell outta you. And judging from the certificate of inspection posted above the buttons, those certificates are at least two years past their expiration, which is really no surprise considering that one of the elevators has broken down twice already within the three months you’ve been living there. You’re shocked the university even allows them to still be in operation given their current state. Yet, all of this information still did not prepare you for today’s events, getting trapped in the shaky left elevator with one other person, who just happened to be the man you’ve come to known as “Elevator Boy”. Yeah, you really hate elevators.

Let’s start from the beginning, shall we? You first met Elevator Boy a few weeks ago and have basically been obsessed with him ever since. One night when you and your roommate, Luna, were coming from dinner, you stood impatiently by the elevator, waiting for it to arrive so you could finally get to your room and relax. Of course, you and your roommate were having a conversation (but the subject of such conversation was quickly forgotten) and neither of you were really paying attention to your surroundings— or rather, the people around you. Needless to say, the elevator finally dinged and the doors slid open, allowing the crowd of people to squeeze inside. You and your roommate were one of the last ones to enter, packing in like sardines and saving enough space for the last person to enter, but no one came. Looking up, you’re met with the gorgeous gaze of a young man staring back at you, hesitating to follow, and at first you’re caught off guard, not expecting to see someone like that. His dark hair was swept back into a snapback and a hoodie representing your school’s logo was clinging to his upper body loosely, its bright colors highlighting the athletic frame that you just knew was hiding underneath. Shaking yourself quickly out of your shock, you’re conscious enough to utter a few cheerful words to him.

“There’s space, you can fit.” To prove your point, you and your roommate squish closer together and everyone shifts to show that he could, in fact, fit into the elevator. But all he does is stand there and shake his head.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just catch the next one.” Then you’re blessed with the most beautiful sight you’ve ever witnessed— a shy smile gracing his lips as his eyes shift from the faces of you and Luna, effectively stopping your heart and melting your insides. You hold eye contact with him as the impatient metal doors of the elevator slide closed until he’s gone from your view and you can breathe again. 

“Holy fuck.” Luna breathes when you reach your room, unlocking the door with her key. “That guy from the elevator-“

“Was so fucking hot!” You finish, excited that she felt the same way too. “Did you see how he looked at us?”

“Bitch, did you see his smile?! I think I’m in love.” She sighs, plopping onto her bed as you throw your bag down on yours. 

“You have a boyfriend.” You snicker at her, narrowing your eyes. “I will not allow you to be disloyal in my presence. Me, however...” A smile crawls up your lips as you turn to face her and she laughs.

“Fine, okay, you get dibs on him. I’ll support you in your endeavors because I’m a good roommate.” 

“And because you’re already taken.” You remind her. “But it’s not like I’ll ever have a chance, I’ve never even seen him around here before and we’ve been here for 3 weeks already.”

“Well, he lives in our building so we’re bound to see him again eventually. You never know, anything can happen.” She shrugs.

She was right, of course, because two days later you see him again, this time when the two of you were walking back from one of your classes. He was going in the same direction as you, headed toward your building, but he was a little ahead of you. Your roommate, upon seeing him, speeds up her walking pace to get a closer look, but all you can see is the back of his head and the team backpack that he wears. The number 16 is plastered on the back of it in bold white and your eyes follow it as he walks, entering the front doors and surprising you when he turns to hold the door for you and your friend. Replying with a meek ‘thank you’, you and Luna stand awkwardly as you wait for the elevators to open and then stand quietly once on the vehicle, pressing your floor button without looking up at him. He’s on the other side of the small container from the two of you and you’re both texting each other furiously about him, mostly just all caps messages saying “OMGGG” or “IM FREAKING OUT” and of course “HE SMELLS SO NICE!!” Your stop is before his and the two of you shuffle out hurriedly, squealing on the way down the hallway. After that day, you came to know him as Elevator Boy, and the name stuck.

The next time you encounter him was obviously on the elevator again, and you were starting to think that elevator was good luck. You were alone this time, going down to finish drying your laundry, and you asked Luna if she wanted to come with you, but she was taking too long so you said ‘never mind’ and left without her. You entered the elevator, pressing the ground floor button, but noticed that it was going up. Sighing, you lean back against the wall, pulling out your phone to look at social media. The basically nonexistent service in the metal box made it so that nothing would load, so you settled for watching the floor display as entertainment as you climbed higher and higher. Reaching the top floor, a ‘ding’ sounded and shortly after, the doors slid open to reveal an empty hall. 

What the f- An irritated sigh leaves you when you see no one there, wondering if someone was just trolling by calling the elevator all the way up there, but as soon as the doors start to close again, you hear footsteps and, lo and behold, Elevator Boy appears around the corner and slips through the crack. 

“Oh-!“ Your heart jumps at the sight of him and a surprised gasp leaves you involuntarily. You snap your mouth shut to prevent further humiliation, inching farther away from him until you’re a healthy distance from each other. He isn’t looking at you, his eyes trained on his phone, so you take this as an opportunity to glance at him repeatedly. Should you try to engage in small talk? Maybe you should introduce yourself or ask if he plays a sport? This is the athletic dorm after all. You take a shaky breath, trying to determine your course of action, but when you finally open your mouth to say something, the car stops and the doors open on the first floor. He glances at you because of the inhale you took, but your words die on your tongue and you just smile politely as you exit, parting ways as he heads for the front door and you walk to the laundry room. 

When you get back to your floor, you sprint to your room, the words almost bubbling out of your mouth from how excited you were to tell Luna you saw him again. You begin talking as soon as you turn the doorknob and she jumps a little at the volume of your voice.

“Guess who I just saw!” You scream, standing in front of her bed.

“Elevator Boy?!” She asks, eyes widening in jealousy. “Dammit (Y/n), you should have waited for me!” She whines, shoulders slumping slightly.

“It’s your fault for taking so long. Literally all you had to do was put on some shoes and come with me.” She frowns at you, but presses you for the story, which you tell her all in one run on sentence. 

“You should have said something to him. You missed your chance!” 

“I know!” You groan, covering your face with your hands. “But I couldn’t figure out what to say because whenever I see him my brain short circuits and my mouth stops working.”

“What am I going to do with you?” She shakes her head in disappointment, shifting in her spot. “You can’t expect to end up with him if you’re too scared to talk to him.”

At this you pause, squinting your eyes at her. You’re a generally confident person, when around people you’re comfortable with, but you are no where near comfortable around him. He makes you’re heart beat too fast and your palms start getting clammy, the words scramble in your head and you fear that anything that comes out of your mouth will be stupid so it’s better to just keep quiet. But Luna knows this about you, that’s why you hate how she can say that to you as if it were a simple thing to do.

“Anyway, I looked him up and found out his info.” She pushes her laptop toward you and you turn it around, glancing at the webpage she’s pulled up on your school’s website. 

“How did you even find him?” 

“It’s simple really,” She starts, hanging one of her legs off the side of her bed. “I saw that his bag has a #16 on it so I went to our school’s athletic roster and looked up player #16 in every sport until I found him. Turns out he’s on the soccer team and is actually pretty good. Then I looked him up on social media and followed all of his accounts.”

“So basically, you stalked him?” Your eyes scan the page and read his stats, interested in finding out who your mystery man is. His name is Park Jimin and he plays mid fielder on your school’s men’s soccer team. He is also apparently the same year and age as you, which comes as a shock because you were sure there was no one as hot as him that you’ve seen that is your age. You truly are blessed.

Luna then clicks to his Instagram page and you both sit there scrolling through his endless pictures, some of which are of him at games, with his friends, and some are just of him plain modeling. You are ashamed to admit that as you look at his photos your mouth waters a bit; how could one person be so damn cute and sexy all at once. Simply put, Park Jimin is sex on a stick. Honestly, if sports doesn’t work out for him you’re sure he could drop out of school and get a modeling job anywhere he applies. After drooling over him for an embarrassingly long time, you finally end up following all of his accounts and spend hours that night liking his pictures. Reading his comments, you notice that you’re not the only one obsessing over him, you see various different girls commenting heart emojis and things like “what I wouldn’t do for a man like him” among other things. You fall asleep that night with your phone in your hand and he ends up being a feature in your wet dream, touching you and being perfect in every way, fucking you rough and deep on— you guessed it— an elevator. God, you wanted him so badly it hurt. 

The next meaningful encounter with Elevator Boy (the name you refused to let go of) was a few weeks later at a party. Over those weeks, he had followed you back on social media and even sparked up a few conversations with you over various platforms, mostly consisting of shameless flirting and getting to know each other. The few times you had seen him in person, your conversations were short in passing, but you didn’t mind because you always caught him checking you out from behind. He informed you one day that he would be at this party, but you decided to let him wonder a little by seeming unsure if you would show up or not. But obviously you couldn’t resist a party, especially if it held the promise of a hot guy waiting for you. You and Luna were a little drunk— okay, maybe a bit more than “a little”— and had pushed yourselves to the middle of the crowd to dance. The theme of the party was Playboy, so of course you were only dressed in lingerie and a translucent robe, topped off with your fluffy pink Puma slides adorning your feet. The hours seemed to go by lightning fast and before you knew it, it was already coming up on the third hour of the morning and you had more liquor in you than you originally intended.

“(Y/n)!” Your head snaps in the direction of the sweet voice calling your name, and even in your hazy state, you can make out the handsome face smiling back at you.

Leaving your roommate as she dances wildly with your other friends, you make your way over to Jimin, who is standing along the sidelines sporting his signature grin. It’s been a while since you’ve seen him in person and you swear he looks better and better by the day. 

“I’m so glad you could make it!” He giggles when you’re finally face to face with him. You catch the blush on his cheeks when he brings his beer bottle up to his lips, the bottle sweating cool drops that mimic the dampness on his face. It feels like a furnace in the big house, everyone’s drunk and grinding bodies adding to the heat so much that everyone in attendance is sweating profusely, but you don’t really mind. Jimin’s dark hair is flipped up in a side part that exposes his glistening forehead and adds to the edgy look he’s going for. The tips of his locks clump together with moisture and stick to his skin but it only elevates his sex appeal to heights you never thought possible. Trailing your eyes down to his body, you notice that he has forgone a shirt and is clad in only a pair of loose black basketball shorts and a red and black robe. The combination is deadly and you have to focus on steadying yourself on your wobbly legs.

“Yeah! I’m glad I came.” You manage, eyes scanning down his frame once more. When you bring them back to meet his own, you find that his gaze is still focused on your body, namely your breasts and hips in your matching set of undergarments. You don’t miss the way his tongue slides over his plump bottom lip before his eyes find yours again, squinting a bit as he smiles brightly.

“Having fun? You look great by the way.” His eyes flick south for a split second as he struggles to keep them on your face.

“I’m having the time of my life! Come, dance with me.” It must be the alcohol running through your veins because you somehow get the courage to bat your eyelashes at him and take his hand to pull him into the crowd, gluing your ass to his front as you grind against his crotch. You’re not really that surprised when you find him already half hard.

His hands sneak onto your waist pulling you tighter to his hard body and you could have sworn you heard him make a soft noise similar to a moan. You body roll in sync with him, enjoying the way his hips move with yours sensually, mimicking the tempo of the song and the dirty lyrics blasting through the speakers. At one point, you find yourself bending over to shake your ass to the beat and grinding against the growing bulge in his shorts. The thin layers of clothing you’re both wearing leaves little to the imagination and you wonder if he can feel your wetness as well as you can feel his erection. He pulls your body back to his, hands pushing your robe out of the way to roam up your front and feel your heated skin on his fingertips. The pads of his fingers brush the underside of your bra before stopping, but you hastily place your hands on top of his to guide them over your heaving breasts, his thumbs instantly finding your hardened nipples and rubbing over them. Your moan is almost drowned out by the music— almost— and Jimin grins behind you when you arch slightly into his touch, leaning back against his strong frame. 

“You’re so sexy, fuck.” His breath tickles your ear and your eyes flutter shut as he continues his work on your chest, the flimsy material of your lingerie making it easy for him to do his job. You can feel something poking your lower back when he bucks forward, and you do your best to grind your ass into it before getting frustrated and turning to face him abruptly.

You say nothing as you stare up at him, body pressed tightly to his, and you feel his hands immediately fall to grip your ass, pulling you impossibly closer. A whimper leaves you and your core throbs excitedly at the close proximity. 

Pushing him back away from the crowd, you return to his previous spot on the wall and press his back against it. The dark look that overtakes his eyes shoots heat straight to your center and you’re tempted to drop to your knees right in front of him and let him have his way with you. But you stay upright, slipping a sly hand up his thigh until it slides up his pant leg and grabs onto his dick. You weren’t expecting to find him going commando, but it’s a pleasant surprise.

Seeing how wide your eyes get, Jimin replies while pushing his hair back with one hand. “I hate underwear,” He says with a shrug and a lopsided smirk. Your eyebrows raise and you hope he can’t see the redness of your cheeks in the dim lighting. “Don’t look at me like that, you’re the one with your hand around my dick.”

He’s right, and that reminder prompts you into action, your fist tightening around him and giving him a firm jerk. You remove your hand briefly to lick your palm for lubrication and get a taste of his sweet precum that coats your skin. When you return your touch, Jimin groans and leans his head back on the wall, hair falling into his eyes. You step closer to conceal your ministrations as your hand builds up a steady pace, spreading around all of the liquid he continues to leak with your thumb. His hands seek your ass again, squeezing the round globes in his hands as you pick up the pace. Anyone who even cared to look your way would know what was going on between the two of you immediately, you were hardly being discreet, but you knew no one in that room cared whether or not you were giving Park Jimin, one of your school’s star athletes, a hand job in a room full of people. Sure there might be rumors tomorrow, if anyone could even remember by then, but neither of you cared. 

“I’m so wet right now.” You tell him, thighs rubbing together as he continues to knead your ass with his palms, hoping he’d trail his hands between your legs, which he does almost instantly to feel how you’ve soaked all the way through your panties already. Another groan sounds from him, this time louder, and you feel him twitch in your palm as he runs his fingers up and down your covered slit, gathering the wetness on his digits. You hadn’t realized it, but your eyes were closed, and they snap open when his hands leave you, looking up at him in question until his touch returns, this time slipping into the front of your lacy panties to make contact with your clit. 

“Shit,” You both curse simultaneously when he presses his fingers to your throbbing bud, causing you to stutter forward. Your knees buckle at the sensation and your hand tightens on his tip accidentally, making him stifle a moan by biting his lips harshly. 

“Oh shit, sorry.” You apologize breathlessly, loosening your hold, but his fingers just press harder into you and his free arm wraps around your waist to secure you in his hold to make sure you don’t go anywhere.

“N-no, it’s okay... it felt really good.” He explains, trying his hardest to control himself in front of all these people. Two of his fingers slip into your entrance when you focus on his tip, flicking your wrist to the upbeat pace of the song playing in the background as your walls clamp around him and swallow his digits. God, your small hand wrapped around his thick member is driving him crazy and he wishes he could see what it looks like. And you do too. From the feel of it, his cock felt about average length but exceptional in girth, surely a mouthful. Your mouth waters at the thought and again you have the urge to drop to your knees for him. But before you could, Jimin hisses and grabs your wrist with his free hand, stopping your movements abruptly. “Ss- ah, s-stop.”

There’s sweat dripping down his neck and chest now as he pulls your hand away, two of his fingers still knuckle deep inside you. “Did I..?” You’re concerned that you did something wrong or hurt him and worry fills your eyes, but he’s quick to dispel your thoughts.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, I almost came.” He laughs breathlessly with a shake of his head, running a hand through his tousled hair again. A smile spreads across your face and you reach for him again before he catches you in a strong grip, pulling your hand up and away from his crotch. “I don’t think so. You gotta earn it if you want me to cum for you.” His own fingers scissor inside of you and you gasp, arching closer until your chest makes contact with his. Your eyes lock intimately until you see him zero in on your lips, licking his own dry ones so that your eyes are now trained on them too. His neck cranes down slowly, aiming for your mouth and you close your eyes and wait for it, but just as his breath tickles your lips the music cuts and everyone complains loudly, causing your heads to snap to the front of the room where the host is making a loud announcement on the DJ booth.

“Everyone get the fuck out!” He yells drunkenly into the microphone, his friends shuffling people toward the door. “Party’s over, goodnight, thanks for coming, everyone has to leave now.” 

“Asshole.” You mutter, rolling your eyes. Turning back to Jimin, you see a playful look on his face as he thrusts two more times inside you for good measure before pulling his fingers out and holding them up for the both of you to see. He brings them to his mouth slowly, getting a good whiff of your succulence before taking them between his lips and sucking sensually until they’re clean. He shows you his clean fingers when he’s finished and grins happily at the look of shock and lust on your face.

“You taste so good, babygirl.” Oh fuck. That pet name makes your knees weak and you stumble a bit, thighs clenched as tightly as possible. “Well, looks like it’s time to go.”

You couldn’t even say anything as you watch him adjust himself in his loose shorts, the tent in his pants barely hidden by the robe, but you don’t think anyone will notice with how dark it is. With hands on your hips, he pushes you forward and guides you through the crowd until you’re out of the stuffy building and into the cool night/early morning air. A few times on the way out, you felt him poking into your back and you were sure you would be leaving with him, but then you remembered your roommate and the people you came here with and finally have to part ways.

You decide to exchange numbers and after adding his, you send a message saying ‘hi’, but before you can do anything else, Jimin takes the device out of your hands and types something quickly before handing it back to you and walking off in the opposite direction. “I’ll text you!” He says, waving goodbye. Looking down at your screen, you see what he wrote.

[3:27am] You: Hi

[3:27am] You: Daddy 👅💦

Chuckling to yourself, you turn off the screen and set out to find your friends quickly before they leave you. Luna was so drunk that you had to practically drag her to your room after one of your friends dropped you back off at the dorms, and as soon as you got her onto her bed she was out like a light, forcing you to take off her shoes for her and pull the blanket over her body. The aching between your legs hadn’t disappeared since Jimin left and you found yourself tossing and turning in bed that night, finally giving up in your struggle and looking over to see your roommate sleeping soundly before slipping off your shorts and taking care of the dull throb in your core. Jimin’s name was in your throat when you climaxed, your hand flying up to cover your mouth before it slipped out and exposed your deeds to your friend across the room. Afterwards you slept easily, thoughts of your wild night running through your mind. 

The week after the party rolled by slowly, although the memory of that night stayed fresh on your mind. Jimin kept his promise, he certainly did text you and he did not disappoint. Almost every day you would get dirty texts from him, most times it would be while you were in the middle of class trying to focus when he’d shoot you the “thinking of you ;)” message attached with a picture of his bulge pressing urgently against his low hanging sweatpants. The first time was an accident, truly, he didn’t know you were in class when he sent an after practice photo of him all sweaty and half naked with the caption “shower time”, but after you had scolded him for it, they didn’t stop. He enjoyed the thought of your face flushing in the middle of lecture, hand scribbling nonsense as your attention was split on the messages popping up on your screen, trying hard to suppress the heat building within. He couldn’t seem to get you out of his mind or stop himself from teasing you, so he let you know every time he got hard at the thought of that night, usually exchanging some suggestive banter with you on his way to and fro class, smirking to himself and finding different ways to cover up his arousal in public. You would do the same, choosing to entertain his comments and respond with a few of your own that would cause you to want to touch yourself constantly throughout the day; but it was all part of the thrill of it. 

You hadn’t worked up the nerve to tell Luna about what happened between you and Elevator Boy last week until the morning after a particularly wild night in with friends. Throughout the whole night they kept asking who you were texting and why you were so smiley whenever you checked your phone and you had to make up some lie about one of your friends from home telling you a story about her night. In reality, you were engaging in a super heated sext session with Jimin as he described to you what he was doing to himself and how he needed you to help him reach his high. You secretly wished for a dick pic of some sort and even contemplated sneaking off to the bathroom to send a few sexy pictures of your own, but the logical part of your drunken mind advised you otherwise. You didn’t want to be the first to send nudes anyway, you weren’t desperate. Well, at least you didn’t want him to think you were.

When you tell Luna all that’s been going on between the two of you, her jaw drops to the floor. You even let her peek at a few of the drunken messages exchanged that night, watching as her face flushes in awe.

[1:24am] You: I’d love to suck that hard cock of yours. At the party last week I was dying to drop to my knees in front of you and let you fuck my throat, I bet your cum tastes so good 🤤

[1:24am] Jimin 🍆💦: would you let me pull ur hair and tell you what a good slut you are for me?

[1:26am] You: fuck yes. Imagine me choking on your cock, drooling down my chin as you shove it deep down my throat until you’re satisfied. I’d swallow everything you give me and suck on your sensitive tip until you tell me to stop

[1:26am] Jimin 🍆💦: no

[1:26am] You: no?

[1:29am] Jimin 🍆💦: I don’t want to cum in your mouth, I need to be inside you. Shit, I’m so hard at the thought of your wet pussy sinking down on me, your cunt felt so tight around just my fingers I might lose my load the moment I’m balls deep

[1:31am] You: what makes u think I’ll let u fuck me? 🤔 gotta earn it first baby 😉

[1:32am] Jimin 🍆💦: Does that mean I finally get to taste you properly? Mm yes please 👅

“(Y/n), what the hell?!” Luna exclaims, turning toward you when she can no longer handle any more. “Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?”

“I didn’t think it was that important.” You mumble with a shrug, but then she gives you a pointed look and you give in. “Okay fine, I just didn’t want you to freak out because I didn’t know where it was going. We were just talking at first.”

“Yeah, but then you gave him a handjob and then this happened. And I was with you both times and you still didn’t say anything!!” You can hear and see the hurt on her pouty face as she glares at you and you know she hates the way you’re downplaying all of this. 

“I’m sorry. I just didn’t know how to bring it up.” 

“I don’t know, but you know I would never judge you about anything. It’s just that I freakin’ looked him up for you and you didn’t even tell me that you guys were talking.” She lowers her voice and turns away from you slightly, but you counter this by wrapping your arms around her and leaning your chin on her shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” You apologize again into her shoulder, tightening your arms around her. “But at least let me catch you up on what’s been going on.” She glances at you out of the corner of her eye and you can see the excitement for you bubbling beneath the surface. “I’ll even let you read the other conversations, I promise they’re not as dirty as this.” 

At this she relaxes a bit, turning to face you again. With one more hard look and a sigh through her nose, she forgives you and indulges in her curiosity. “Fine. But from now on you have to tell me everything that happens between you so I can live vicariously through you. Just because I have a boyfriend doesn’t mean I still can’t dream.”

“Of course, no secrets from now on.” You say with a laugh, hugging her. 

“Okay but bitch,” You look at her. “When did you get such a dirty mouth?! I mean I hear you say stuff like this under your breath all the time but not like this?? Oh my, it’s so detailed.” The enthusiastic ring in her voice returns as she fans herself, making you giggle and blush.

“In all fairness, he started it.” You begin, ready to dive into the various stories of your interactions with Elevator Boy. 

Luck has never been something you believed you possessed. Good luck, especially. More times than not you would be considered to have bad luck because it always seemed that the worst case scenario was a guarantee in any situation where something could go wrong, and you always seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when shit goes down. But today’s events could be viewed from two perspectives. One would say it was bad luck that you got into the elevator the chance time that it decided to break down in the middle of operation. Others might say it was good luck that the boy you liked and were currently talking to just so happened to walk into the elevator with you and now the two of you were trapped together until maintenance freed you from the confined space. 

Today had been busy and stressful for you, so when you got back to the dorm, all you wanted to do was relax. You decided to do your laundry since you weren’t doing anything much and were returning from the first floor when you called the elevator. It came and one person stepped out before you entered, locating yourself to the far corner of the small space nearest to the buttons and pressing the one indicated with a bright six. Just before the doors began to shut, none other than Park Jimin slipped inside and leaned over to press his floor, number nine. His scent wafts after him and his brief close proximity allows you to smell the deep yet gentle elegance of his cologne and natural smell.

He smiles down at your frame, lips curling at your simple and laidback look. When your eyes finally meet his, his smile gets wider and you see his eyes form into crescents. 

“Hey.” His cheerful attitude makes you grin as well when you greet him.

“Hi.” The car starts to move and you begin to ascend slowly, the predictable shaking of the vehicle still making your heartbeat speed up. It’s silent until the doors ding and open up to the second floor, a brunette waiting on the other side and looking at the two of you.

“Going down?” She asks, but you shake your head.

“Up.” You and Jimin reply at the same time, and she sighs, walking to the stairs and muttering something about it only being one flight down. You shake your head at her as the doors slide into place again and then the silence resumes. But you find Jimin staring at you with a different look in his eyes from before.

“What, is there something on my face or something?” You comment sarcastically to hide the uneasiness you feel from his gaze. Why was he staring at you like that? You weren’t even wearing anything remotely flattering that may draw his attention, so why was he staring so hard?

“I’m just thinking about what happened the last time I saw you in person.” A grin spreads across his lips as your face ignites into flames when flashbacks of last week’s party cross your mind. But you’ve never been one to shy away from flirting.

“Why? Haven’t gotten any action since then?”

“I’m not a player, you know. I only ever talk to one girl at a time.” You follow his hand as it flows through his hair.

“Mmhm.” The beep of the elevator indicates that you have just passed the third floor.

“It’s true! I’m not a hoe.” 

“Yeah, right. I saw all those girls you always hang around and post on your Insta. Don’t act like you’re not Mr. Popular.” You say with a lighthearted laugh. Honestly, you couldn’t care less if he was talking to anyone else. He wasn’t your boyfriend and you didn’t intend on being his girlfriend. 

“They’re my friends,” He defends. Another beep as you pass the fourth floor. “I promise you, I’m not-“

Before he can finish his sentence, the elevator stutters abruptly and slams to a halt. Both you and Jimin stare at each other with wide eyes before turning your attention to the floor display, which is still showing a bright red #4. Great. 

“We’re not moving. Why aren’t we moving?” You asked, panicked. Of course you know the answer; this stupid, old elevator decided to shut down halfway up your building and now you were trapped somewhere in the shaft between floors four and five. But you ask anyway.

“I think the elevator just broke...” Jimin says slowly, confirming your worst fears, your furrowed brows lifting slowly over concerned eyes. You step toward the buttons and press the one that says ‘open doors’, hoping that you were still close enough to the forth floor for the doors to recognize this and open, but much to your dismay, the steel doors stay closed. Next, you try pressing your floor buttons repeatedly, thinking that maybe that would trigger something, but you remain stationary. 

“Oh my god,” You breathe, panic filling your chest. “What do we do? We’re stuck!” 

“Okay, stop, don’t worry,” Jimin says, stepping closer to you in the space that already feels too small. “Try pressing the alarm button.”

Below the button terminal, there is a big red button labeled ‘CALL’ in case of emergencies. When you press it, a loud buzzing noise sounds briefly and a red light beside it lights up. 

“When light is lit, staff has been notified.” You read out loud from the panel next to it. A few moments later, a voice sounds over a speaker and you look around for the source.

“Attention occupants, this is maintenance. We have been notified of your situation and we are working to fix the issue. The elevator is secure and stable, so you will not lose altitude, but please remember to stay calm, help is on the way. Operation should begin again in 5-10 minutes. Thank you.”

“See, we’re safe.” Jimin reassures, smiling down at you. But he takes a step closer when he sees the terror in your eyes as you stare off into space. Was it just you or was the room getting smaller? It felt like the air was getting tight with every breath you took and your senses seemed to start fading until Jimin’s hands move cautiously onto your shoulders. “Hey, we’re fine. The elevator isn’t gonna drop and we should be out of here in like 5 minutes. Don’t worry, okay?”

Looking back up at him, you see just how close he’s standing to you, only about a foot apart. The smile on his face calms you a bit, but then your heart is beating fast for an entirely different reason. He looks so beautiful up close and you’ve never really gotten the chance to see him from this proximity, since the night of the party you were drunk and it was dark. Every feature of his face, especially his nose and lips in your opinion, were attractive and for a moment you forget your situation. 

“O-okay.” You say finally, looking away from him. The air in the tiny room seems stuffy now, the only means of ventilation being the small vent on the ceiling leading into the dusty elevator shaft. You take your phone from your pocket and try to send Luna a text saying “Guess the fuck what!! The elevator stopped working and now I’m trapped alone here with Elevator Boy 😤😩” but there’s no signal in this stupid metal box and it doesn’t go through. You huff in frustration.

“‘Elevator Boy’? Is that what you call me?” Jimin laughs, looking over your shoulder from his position next to you. You quickly lock your phone in embarrassment, but the damage is already done.

“Shut up, we came up with that before I knew who you were.” Rolling your eyes, you try to ignore the amused grin that climbs up his face. 

“No, I get it,” He shrugs, leaning against the wall. “I totally would have called you Elevator Girl too if I didn’t already know your name.” You know he’s probably just trying to spark up a conversation, but his little comment piques your interest. He says it so casually that you don’t even catch it at first.

“See? It’s a perfectly appropriate n- Wait, what? What do you mean you already knew my name?” At this Jimin laughs again, his cheeks flushing pink just slightly.

“Well, you are the prettiest girl on campus,” His eyes look up toward the ceiling innocently, but then he bites his lip and they flicker back down at you, shifting quickly from innocent to full of seduction and you feel your panties get wet. “I had to find out who you were.”

“H-how?” That’s all you can say and suddenly your mouth feels dry.

“I have a friend that lives on 6. One day when I was hanging out there, I saw you come out of your room and looked at the name tag on your door. I knew you had to be (Y/n) or Luna, but my friend told me which one you were. Then the next day you and your roommate followed my social media and I did a little research on you.”

“Meaning you stalked my accounts?” You ask with a raise of your eyebrow, remembering your similar chat with Luna. 

“Yeah, kinda.” He admits sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck with a chuckle. This finally gets a smile out of you and Jimin lights up, proud of his work. “You have really pretty eyes.” He blurts after a beat, much to your surprise. “Sorry, I just had to say it.”

“O-oh, thanks.” Moving a strand of hair behind your ear, you look away from him, suddenly shy and feeling hot all over. 

“Anyway, after I followed you back on everything, I wanted to talk to you, but I was too scared. It was actually a dare from my friends to send you that first message, and it took me like 20 minutes to come up with the right thing to say.” It was cute how he was admitting all of this to you. You didn’t really expect him to open up like that, and part of you almost thought that he could be lying, but he seemed so sincere that you couldn’t help but believe him. 

“That’s so sweet, I’m flattered. But am I really that intimidating?”

“Well, generally guys are usually hesitant to talk to beautiful girls.” 

“I thought you would be confident... considering.”

“Considering what?” He takes a half-step closer with a slight tilt of his head.

“Considering your looks, your athletic status, your personality. I’d think girls throw themselves at you all the time.” 

“But that doesn’t mean I accept them. I have standards.”

“And what are those standards?” You’re curious, what was he looking for exactly? And what did he want from you?

“Intelligent, above average girls who have a sense of humor and don’t give in to everything so easily. No one likes a groupie.” 

“And do I meet those standards?”

“Those and beyond.” His voice lowers a bit, not much but it’s noticeable and it sends shivers up your spine. “I’m not looking for a cheap thrill.” 

“I’m not either.”

“So what do you want?” He asks, eyes deep and imploring into yours.

“I don’t know.” You answer truthfully, biting the side of your lip. “All I know is that I’m attracted to you and I wanna see where this goes.”

“Are you looking for sex? Friendship? Both?” His voice deepens further and you start to see the lust cloud his eyes, taking your breath away.

“I, um,” By now your voice is a whisper and your attention is on his plump, sinful lips. You don’t know how to answer his question, and even if you tried, your mind is preoccupied with the thought of kissing him. 

He’s so close, his face inching nearer and you aren’t sure if it’s you or him that’s moving, but before you know it, you collide and you’re lip locked with him as he presses you into the corner. His lips feel just as soft as they look, molding with your moisturized ones and you’re grateful for the cotton candy flavored gloss that lingers on your flesh. He hums into you before pulling away to look at your reaction, seeing the lust that now paints your face and he smirks.

“Always 1-upping my expectations, (Y/n).” He says, licking his lips. Then he’s diving back in again to taste you, this time swiping his tongue against the seam of your mouth, begging for access.

At first you tease him, shaking your head slightly with a giggle, but then his teeth nip at your bottom lip and his hands reach down to squeeze your ass and you almost relent. But you’re stubborn, and you refused to let him in that easily, hands threading into his hair and tugging lightly as payback and he grunts against you at your playfulness. He settles for regular kissing for a little while until his hand suddenly comes down to slap your ass with a loud smack that bounces off the tiny walls and you gasp at the action, his tongue finally slipping in through the open space. You can feel him smile at his small victory, his tongue dancing with yours, exploring the inside of your mouth, and tickling the roof of it. You let him steal your breath away until you both have to pull away for air, the tip of his nose brushing against yours as your foreheads press against each other. 

“Fuck, I really want you.” The words fly out of your mouth before you can stop them, not that you would want to. Jimin leans away far enough so he can look at your face and sighs.

“Yeah, me too.” He’s still panting and his hands are still on your rear, the point of contact warming you up even more than you already were. Your mouth opens, but you’re cut off by another announcement through the speaker.

“Elevator function should resume shortly. Please press the floor button you would like to go to.” 

“My room or yours?” Jimin asks, pushing his hips into yours so you can feel his erection press into your stomach. A moan slips from you and it causes his grip to tighten. 

“Yours.” You say firmly, and he reaches over to press the 9th floor button. He leans down to kiss you again and a minute later the elevator starts moving again. You break apart and watch the floor indicator show the ascending numbers. 5... 6... 7... 8... On the ninth floor, the familiar ding resounds and the doors finally slide open, liberating you from the confined space. But there’s no time to celebrate because Jimin is already pulling you by the hand down the hall to his room, pushing open the unlocked door and locking it behind himself before lifting you up to connect your mouths once more. 

Your legs wrap around him as he leans against the door, capturing your lips again. You moan against him and pull back to leave a trail of wet kisses along his jaw and neck, tongue peaking out every few pecks to tickle his sensitive skin. You’re tempted to leave marks on him, to bite and suck the spot below his ear, make him shiver and groan for you, but you refrain and instead return to his lips as he grinds himself up into your core.

“As much as I would love to fuck you right now,” Jimin breathes, continuing to rut up into you. “I think I recall you saying something about wanting to get on your knees for me? To suck my cock?” A sly grin overtakes his face and you mirror him, unwrapping your legs to lower them to the ground. 

“And I think I remember saying that quite vividly as well. It would be my pleasure.” By now you’re already on your knees, hands skimming down his toned chest and abs until they reach his pants and begin working on the button and zipper. When you hook your fingers in the waistband of both his jeans and underwear, he throws his shirt up over his head and tosses it somewhere on the ground behind you, giving you a beautiful view from below as his bare back returns to the door.

Your eyes lock with his member in front of you, already half hard and waiting, so you wrap your hand around the base and give it a few solid pumps as you examine it. He’s thick, that’s for sure, and his length doesn’t disappoint either, even when half flaccid. Just how you imagined. Veins snake up the sides of his pink flesh and your tongue darts out to trace them up to the tip, giving it a shy lick that causes Jimin to inhale sharply. Looking up at him, your eyes travel up his muscular torso, the definition of his body making you wet to the point where you think he’s the one doing the teasing, not you. For a split second your eyes meet, his dark and expectant gaze on you as your thumb rubs over the underside of his head. That’s all it takes for you to begin, your mouth salivating as you retrain your focus on his cock, diving right in and taking him half way down his length to drag your lips up slowly to the tip.

“Ah,” Jimin hisses, not expecting you to go for it immediately. But he likes it, and he loves how you don’t waste time once he’s in your mouth. You work up a steady rhythm bobbing up and down on him, one hand still gripping his base while the other holds onto the back of his thigh for balance. Slicking him with your spit, you let your hand focus on his shaft as your lips suck around his tip, sloppy wet noises getting louder as he gets harder in your mouth, his cock starting to feel hot and heavy on your jaw. The veins around him throb in your hand and you can feel his heart rate increase the harder you suck, using your tongue to swirl around the swollen tip and tease the weeping slit at the top. You faintly register the light scraping noise his nails make against the door as his hands curl into a fist in restraint, unsure of where to rest. Pulling back, you take the time to lick designs up his fully erected length, looking up at him with big round eyes when you kiss the tip. “Shit,” He looks down at you as he pushes his dark hair from his face. “Take your shirt off.” 

You sense it’s not a suggestion and follow accordingly, removing your mouth from him to throw your shirt hastily to the floor, leaving you in your black bra. It’s nothing too flattering, just plain solid black with a small pink bow between the cups, but it still seems to excite him, his hand dropping to palm over the thin material before impatiently tugging the cup down to expose a perky breast. He licks his lips as his hand grabs it lightly, massaging the soft tissue and flicking his thumb over your nipple until it forms into a small sensitive pebble. You moan as you push him back into your mouth, squeezing your eyes shut when he hits the back of your throat. The sensation makes him pinch harder on your nipple and groan, eyes locked on the swift motion of your hand when you reach behind you to expertly unhook your bra and drop it to the floor, revealing your perfectly bouncy breasts to Jimin’s hungry gaze. His other hand reaches for the neglected side of your chest and gives it the same treatment while the other cups your jaw and caresses your hollowed cheek. 

“Can you take it deeper?” Jimin asks gently, his face softening when you open your eyes to find his. Although your mouth is full, you try your best to nod and he smiles at this, thumb grazing your cheek again before his hand snakes around to the back of your neck to end up twisted in your hair. “I’ll be a little rough, okay?”

Though you nod, he still pulls his hips back until his cock falls from your lips with a pop so you can respond. “Go for it.” You drawl, sticking out your tongue to graze his head with the tip of it. He smirks down at you, satisfied, removing your hand from him to replace it with his own and guide his tip to your waiting lips.

“I want you to touch yourself as you suck me. Show me how much you enjoy taking my cock in your mouth.” The dark tone in his voice arouses you and has you moving immediately to pull your sweats and panties down to mid thigh, spreading your legs as far apart as the elastic will let you. Jimin stares down at you, his cock jumping at the image of your hand snaking down between your parted thighs to gather the slick at your entrance. Just as he catches sight of the wetness on your fingers, Jimin thrusts himself between your lips, forcing your mouth open again with the width of his member. His fingers tighten in your hair and pull you forward, his tip sliding down your throat until your nose hits the soft patch of trimmed hair at his base. You choke slightly, your throat constricting around him for a few seconds before he pulls back out, warming you up with a few gentle strokes then thrusting his hips suddenly. 

You gag as he pumps in and out of your hot mouth, saliva dripping out around him to slide down your chin and neck. His pace is harsh on you, giving few breaks and pushing you down hard every time until tears stream from your eyes, but you love it. Your fingers flick harshly around your clit in time with his thrusting, the wetness seeping out over them and making your movements smoother. Soon, Jimin is breathing heavily above you as he pumps himself into your face, fist in your hair pulling you urgently forward as he watches you swallow him with skill while fucking yourself with two fingers that you easily slide between your folds. 

“Shit, (Y/n), you suck cock so well,” He groans, his unoccupied hand reaching down to pull at your nipples once more. “Fuck yourself a little faster for me, baby girl.”

You listen, moving your fingers faster as you add more suction to your lips, the sloppy sounds of the friction and your throat adding to the cacophony of moans and grunts filling the room. Anyone who passed his room in the hallway would probably be able to figure out what was going on just from the noises you were making, but you couldn’t care less. In fact, the thought made you even wetter and pretty soon your core starts to throb, begging for more as you near the edge.

You let go of a deep moan that’s muffled by his dick, but Jimin still catches it, pulling your head off of him with a sigh. You gasp, taking in huge gulps of air as your surroundings come back into focus and you can open your watery eyes to look up at him.

“You look so pretty like this.” He compliments, his hand coming out of your hair to wipe away a freshly fallen tear. “You did so well, baby girl, so now I think it’s time to reward you.” By now your hand has stopped it’s motion inside you, your fingers feeling pruned from your wetness. You’re vulnerable to him now, on your knees looking wrecked and desperate, and Jimin thinks that he’s tamed a you in a sense, but you’re not that easy.

“Are you gonna eat me out now?” You ask innocently, widening your eyes to increase the effect. Rising to your feet, you gaze into his eyes, reading his expression. He’s farther gone than you, looking glassy eyed and faded from the pleasure as he stares down at your form, hand still clutching himself at the base in an attempt to control his arousal. This is something you could take advantage of.

“Fuck yes,” Jimin reaches for you hungrily, stealing a kiss before spinning the two of you until you’re the one against the door, trailing his lips lower down your body.

“If you do a good job I might let you fuck me.” You state, sounding almost bored, just as he pulls your panties the rest of the way off your legs. Looking up at you, Jimin raises an eyebrow, surprised by your change in tone.

“Might?” There’s a challenge somewhere in his voice and it makes you smile evilly.

“Don’t think just because I sucked your dick it means you’re in charge.” Your sass takes him aback and his jaw drops. But he recovers quickly with a delicious grin.

“That’s not what you were saying when you let me fuck your face.”

“I offered.” You retort with a shrug, already threading your fingers in his hair. All Jimin can do is shake his head, but he’s quickly distracted when you present yourself to him, spreading your legs wider apart so he can see the treasure between your thighs for the first time.

Forgetting about your little argument, he is hypnotized by the sight of your glistening pussy. He runs his tongue across his lips, exposing its length before glancing back up at you with a devious look in his eyes.

“So I get to fuck you if I eat you right?” He reiterates for confirmation.

“If. But nobody I’ve been with has done that good of a job.” You drawl, only igniting the competitive side in the athlete beneath you, who is eagerly adjusting his position on his knees. God, he’s so hot. His cock stands at attention against his abdomen, hard and ready to blow, nestled right in between those despicably thick thighs. The hair on his head sits in a perfect, fluffy mess, displaced by the hand that’s constantly running through it as if only to frustrate you further, falling into his determined eyes that lock onto the prize before him. 

“We’ll see about that.” He murmurs, barely loud enough for you to hear, before he’s leaning forward to lick a stripe up your center. You jolt at the quick sensation and barely have time to recover before Jimin is hoisting up your leg to rest over his shoulder. 

If you thought Jimin was a tease before, it’s certainly confirmed now with the way he takes his time spreading you with his hands, staring at your sex as if it was newly discovered buried treasure. Your hips shift slightly and he leans in to run his tongue from the bottom of your entrance up to your clit, circling it a few times while making direct eye contact with you. You’d never admit it to him, but the way he looks at you turns you on beyond belief, maybe even more than the leg shaking skill he shows with his mouth. 

“Ah, like that.” You sigh, grinding into him gently when he suctions his lips around your bud, pulling back with your folds in his mouth until you can see the evidence of how well he’s doing glistening on it’s way down his chin. You’re knees are wobbly already and it’s only been a few minutes, or has it been seconds? You weren’t keeping track. Hands in his hair, you dare to push him closer, angling your hips toward his face to make his job easier, and he hums in approval, fingers digging into your thigh to hold you still as he delves deeper into your cunt. There’s a tingling in the pit of your stomach that spreads up your body, delightful shivers climbing their way along your spine when you look down at the beautiful man between your legs, whose perfect nose nudges your clit with every movement of his head. By now you’re soaked, dripping down your own thighs and his chin in surprising amounts, and there’s an inkling of shame and embarrassment in the back of your head, yet its voice is too small to be heard over the bursting pleasure that consumes your mind like a thick fog. And telling from the twitch of Jimin’s dick against his stomach, he doesn’t seem bothered by the copious amounts of fluid leaking from you, eagerly lapping it up.

Introducing a finger into the equation when you get used to the feeling of his tongue, pride swells in Jimin’s chest when he gets a sense of just how wet you really were. It feels like he’s just dipped his finger into a lake, and after a few pumps, he adds another digit with no resistance. “So goddamn wet,” He groans, planting a kiss on your inner thigh and leaving a wet spot that sends chills up your spine when his breath hits it. “I didn’t know you were such a slut, (Y/n). Getting this wet from sucking me off and letting me eat your cunt, you’re so easy to please.” He purrs with a victorious grin.

Usually, those degrading words would send a flare of anger through you, but in this context, coming from those perfectly sinful lips, you find them to be surprisingly arousing. Your core throbs around his digits when he digs back in, lips and tongue flicking at your clit while his fingers plunge into you until they’re knuckle deep, going hard and fast against your walls. You keen, a whine escaping you as you try to keep your noises to a minimum for fear that it’ll go straight to his head, but Jimin is already cocky about his success in pleasing you, only waiting for those glorious words to fall from your lips and confirm his victory.

“J-Jimin, please,” You whimper, sucking on your lips to reel yourself back in a little, nails grazing his scalp as your fingers tighten. 

“Hmmm?” He draws out his hum, beaming up at you with a mirth in his eyes that almost makes you not want to say it.

“Fuck me.” You breathe, voice almost a whisper, and you’re sure he heard it but he refuses to let you off that easy.

“What was that, baby girl? I didn’t quite hear you.” He pulls away just enough to murmur against your lips, fingers still working at their rapid pace and making your task so much more difficult. You take a deep breath after a string of moans leave you, squeezing your eyes shut to avoid his burning gaze.

“Jimin, just fuck me already dammit! Stick your dick inside of me and fuck me so good I can’t walk- I want you so bad!” You’re practically sobbing now, your words loud and desperate as he takes the liberty of sucking your clit roughly the entire time you speak. People up and down the halls can probably hear you, and you pray to whatever deity that’s listening that most of the residents are out at class somewhere, completely unaware of you falling apart at the seams in Jimin’s shared bedroom. But your outburst seems to be worth it, because he pulls away with a shit-eating grin and rises to his feet before you, licking his lips and pumping his member in satisfaction.

“Eloquently put, baby girl. I thought you’d never ask.” Taking you by the waist, Jimin pulls you to his body and attaches your lips to his, immediately slipping his tongue in your mouth to get more of your sweet taste. You taste yourself all over his mouth, but it doesn’t bother you— in fact, you find yourself heating up more, nipples hardening even more against his chest. 

“Jimin,” You pant against his neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses and nips that have him hissing.

“Huh?” He’s at a loss right now, only half lucid as he grinds his painfully hard erection between the lips of your core while you stand, body pressed to body. It slides between your thighs, hot and throbbing, and you want nothing more than to feel it inside you.

“Condom.” You remind him, pulling away so he can think straight, and when he finally understands the word, he inhales and looks around the room hurriedly, taking a moment to gather his bearings.

“Wait here.” Your eyes follow his bare ass as he practically hops to his side of the room, rummaging through drawers and shelves in search of the box of condoms that he knows he has. Of course he’s used them since he’s been here, but admittedly, it’s been a while. 

A faint noise drags your attention from the flustered man across the room and you look down to find your phone buzzing as it sits atop Jimin’s roommate’s bed. You grab the device, leaning over on the mattress as you open the various missed calls and messages from Luna.

[2:18pm] Roomie 🌚: STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR?? OMG R U OK?!

[2:18pm] Roomie 🌚: Does maintenance know?

[2:18pm] Roomie 🌚: Are they fixing it?

(2) Missed FaceTime calls from Roomie 🌚 

[2:27pm] Roomie 🌚: Did u guys ever get out? 

[2:34pm] You: Yeah we’re out now 

[2:34pm] Roomie 🌚: Then where the hell r u?!

Luna responds almost immediately and you chuckle to yourself, typing out your response, but a sound from across the room distracts you. 

“Ah! Found it.” Jimin says triumphantly, hand fumbling through the box of rubbers until he can successfully pull one out. He turns to you with the package in his hand, but stops abruptly when his eyes reach you. Never in his life has he been struck so hard by desire from someone’s beauty, but here he is, chest clenched and dick jumping as he takes in the image of you bent over the edge of the bed, naked and practically glowing in the dim light of the room. You catch his gaze and arch your back a little bit more, a devious grin stretching your lips when his eyes travel down the ramp of it and over the curve of your ass to slip along your smooth legs, an involuntary grunt leaving his lips. “Holy shit,” He whispers, to himself more than anything. “I was gonna fuck you against the door, but now...”

Your heart jumps when Jimin’s eyes leave your backside to connect with yours, dark and swirling with lust that churns your stomach in excited knots. He takes a moment to bite his lip teasingly, thoughts that you wish you could read rushing through his mind as he pictures every thing he could possibly do to you. When your tongue slips out to wet your lips, he snaps out of his trance, blinking once with a solid look in his eye.

“Come here.” There’s no room for hesitation on your part, he’s already ripping open the condom with shaky fingers, and it has you trembling with excitement. You hurry to reply to your roommate, throwing the device down as soon as you hit send and scurrying over to Jimin’s side, allowing him to pull you flush against him. 

[2:37pm] You: In his room 😏🍆

As soon as your front meets his, Jimin grabs a tight hold on your ass, almost squeezing it too hard, but you love it. Your fingers press into the skin of his shoulders, head tilting back to expose your neck, which he immediately attaches his wet lips to, sucking the sensitive skin until you whine low in your throat, hips grinding forward to meet his. Jimin hisses at the contact, raising a hand to smack one of your ass cheeks before trailing that hand up your back until it reaches the back of your neck, raising your head so that your eyes meet his for a few seconds. He doesn’t know what it is, but you have the ability to captivate him, even if it’s just the lust covering your face that gives him pause. Even if you’re just standing there, looking at your phone doing absolutely nothing to make him feel that way. Even if he’s fucked a dozen girls and seen dozens more naked bodies, yours still sets his body on fire and drives him crazy, clothed or not. He’s never met anyone like that before, and it’s confusing. Why do you make him feel this way? Why were you the one to pull him out of his focus and throw him off his game, when he swore to himself not to fuck with any girls this season to dedicate his mind and heart to his sport? Even if he convinced himself that his attraction to you is only skin deep, there was something undeniable residing underneath, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. 

You lift an inquisitive eyebrow when he stops and he responds by leaning forward slowly, delivering a surprisingly gentle kiss that makes your heart flutter. His plump lips engulf yours and you press back to feel more of him, but then it’s like he’s shocked by electricity suddenly and he pulls back, face flushed and skin shining with a thin layer of sweat. Jimin pushes your hot body away from his and spins you easily, his demeanor switching to something rougher as he pushes your front down on the bed. You catch yourself with your elbows and push your ass back against him, feeling his length twitch as it rests on one of your cheeks, and Jimin leans forward over you to whisper in your ear hotly.

“I won’t go easy on you, baby girl. Are you sure you can take it?” It is this challenge that shoots fire down to your core, your walls squeezing around nothing, begging to be filled with him and prove just how well you can handle it. 

“Why don’t you slip it inside and find out for yourself?” Your voice is smooth like honey, seducing him like a temptress while you circle your hips against him, your hole seeking his tip. You can tell he’s smiling behind you as he nibbles on your ear, breath getting heavier at the prospect of finally being inside you, and you know he won’t drag this out much longer. Your bodies are both screaming for each other. His tongue trails down your neck and spine, creating unique designs that cause goosebumps to sprout from your skin. Whines build in your chest, your head tipping back against his shoulder when he uses one hand to guide himself to your entrance, rubbing himself along your slit to gather the wetness that spills down your inner thighs. 

Unable to wait any longer, Jimin finally starts to push in, allowing just the head at first, testing to see your reaction. He’s a good size, his tip already stretching you, but after a few short seconds, you’re swirling your hips against him, urging him to go deeper. Jimin leans away from you to press a hand to your lower back, forcing you to arch more so he can make sure you’re ready to take all of him. His hands reach for your hips, fingers digging into the skin roughly, and then he pushes into you in one smooth thrust, sliding all the way home until his balls are pressed snugly against your slick lips. You groan, dropping your head to your arms, finally feeling the fullness that you crave. Jimin pulls out about half way before pushing in again slowly, this time releasing his own grunt of ecstasy, staying sheathed inside you longer and rubbing his thumbs gently along your waist. You wiggle beneath him, impatient, whining for him to move, but instead you receive a hard smack on the ass.

“Stop moving, fuck.” Jimin shuts his eyes tightly, gritting his teeth as he forces himself to calm down. Who do you think you are, a vacuum? He swears you’re trying to suck his soul right out of his body from how fucking tight you are— which is something he doesn’t appreciate much since he was really trying his hardest not to cum in the first second. “I swear,” He starts, testing the waters a bit by moving in and out of you slowly after a moment to himself. “You have the hottest, wettest, sweetest pussy I’ve ever had.” A growl rips from his chest when he quickens the pace, head thrown back in amazement.

“I bet—shit— I bet you say that to all the girls.” You stutter out between moans, arching even farther into him and keening at the depths he reaches. 

“I told you, I’m. Not. A. Hoe.” He’s snapping into you at an insane pace now, nails creating crescents on your skin as he fucks you hard against the bed, making it rock and squeak from the force. Punctuating each word with increasingly harder thrusts, Jimin drives his point home with a few hard smacks to your round ass, the supple flesh there reddening into marks in the shape of his palms. 

Cries fly from your lips at his roughness, and you can hardly breathe, dropping your cheek to the bed and taking all he’s giving you like a pro. The compromising position exposes every inch of you to his predatory gaze, and you’re sure that his eyes are glued to your point of intersection, mesmerized by the sight of your tight hole swallowing his slippery length. Your suspicions are confirmed when he takes his soft hands and spreads your ass farther apart, kneading the sensitive area roughly.

“Your ass is driving me crazy. I wish you could see how good you look right now.” Jimin’s words turn into breathless sighs as he pounds even harder into you, encouraged by the ripples he sends up your delicious rear from the shockwaves of the sheer force he uses to penetrate you. Your legs are long gone by now, a hardly noticeable buzz and tingling traveling down to your toes, and the back of your legs are starting to hurt from the constant slapping his hips and strong thighs deliver to them, but you wouldn’t dare ask him to stop. In fact, that thought never once crosses your mind as you race toward the powerful orgasm ahead of you. A pleasant tickle forms in the pit of your stomach, almost like butterflies, and it has you moaning louder than before.

“Your cock...” You trail off into a deep groan, arms collapsing as your entire front rests on his now damp sheets. You’re sweating, breathing heavily against the fabric, and your hair is starting to stick to your face and neck. You probably look a mess, but Jimin is wrecking you in the best way possible and you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“What about it? Tell me, baby girl.” He urges, using one hand to gather your hair into a makeshift pony tail and pull your head back far enough so he can hear you. 

“It’s- it’s so... fuck!” You’re struggling to get the words out already and he doesn’t help your cause. Pressing his hips to you, he grinds hard and deep circles inside of you, his balls feeling heavy as they slide and tap against your swollen and neglected clit. He chuckles at the mewls you let out, bending forward to whisper into your ear. 

“Say it. Let me hear that dirty mouth of yours, (Y/n).” He purrs, planting kisses on your exposed shoulder and neck, causing goosebumps to erupt all over you. Your head rolls to the side, giving him more space to work as he sucks lightly on the crook of your neck. 

“Jimin,” You moan, working hard to form a complete sentence. “Your cock is s-so good! You fuck me just right, baby, please keep going.” A satisfied hum sounds near your ear, and you feel his fingers tighten on your waist. You don’t have the capacity to tell him that he’s hitting all the right places, giving it to you hard and rough just like you like it, making you feel so good words can’t even begin to explain, but somehow he understands your unspoken communication and is beaming at the praise.

“Good girl,” His teeth bite into your shoulder before he pulls back, hand trailing your spine to wrap around your front. “I could listen to that slutty mouth all day.” He grunts, sucking in a deep breath when he starts pounding into you again. Your legs tremble and shake under your own weight, your body suddenly feeling weak as pleasure slowly overtakes you. Jimin catches on to your shakiness and lets out a breathy laugh. “Am I making your legs shake, baby? You close?” 

Nodding furiously, you let go of a long whine, voice vibrating in need for release. A second later, one of your legs is being hoisted up onto the bed so that your knee rests on the edge, splayed out to the side in a way that opens your body more than before and intensifies the sensation of him inside of you. Immediately your bottom leg buckles and you almost fall to the ground, but Jimin is quick to catch you with his strong arms and pull you up, keeping you standing as his cock scrapes against the deepest, most sensitive parts of your inner walls. There’s no air in your lungs at this point, all you can do is bite your lips and squeak at everything that’s happening, at everything you’re feeling. And Jimin isn’t much better off, forcing himself to stick to his fast pace, jaw clenched as you begin to constrict around his length. Were you supposed to feel this fucking good? He’s losing his grip on reality, but still wills himself to keep going for the sake of your orgasm, holding off his own for as long as possible. Droplets of sweat drip from his gorgeous honey skin and splatter onto your ass, but you aren’t entirely aware of it, as you’re too focused on the stream of your own arousal that has made its way down your standing leg past your knee. Wet slapping noises resound through the room and you swear you’ve never been this wet in your life, clenching and dripping all over his member like the mess you are. It’s hot and messy, yet you find the entire situation sexy as you inch closer and closer to your end. 

“Oh god, Jimin!” You cry out, turning as best you can to look at him with desperate eyes. “Can I cum please?” 

Shocked at first, Jimin just looks at you, eyebrows knit in concentration and perplexity, stunned that you were begging him for release— and without him asking! Then a dirty smirk makes its way to his lips and he can’t resist you, threading a hand through your hair again. 

“Of course, baby girl, cum on my cock like a good little slut.” He groans, slipping one hand around to reach your clit, and pulling at your scalp. You take in a broken gasp, twitching when he adds pressure to your button of nerves, fingers flicking fast and unrelenting as your back arches. He moans behind you, hips faltering when you get tighter and hotter, your pussy squeezing him harder and more regularly as he continues to pump in and out of you. You try to keep your volume down for the sake of everyone else on his floor, but he just feels so good, you can’t control your noises anymore. Moaning and whimpering shamelessly, you cling onto his bed sheets as the riptide of your orgasm begins to crash down on you, your clit engorging and throbbing under his fingertips as he brings you over the edge. 

Head dropping face down into the mattress, you’re thrown into a ferocious high, practically standing on your tip toes as your feet point and flex and your muscles twitch and quake involuntarily. Jimin follows you into your orgasm with a high pitched, beautiful moan of your name when he feels how tightly you’re wrapped around him, your walls spasming and constricting in a way that’s more than he can handle. His thighs quake with yours, but he has enough strength to hold you both up and ride out the coursing waves, throwing his head back and letting the pleasure take him as he releases into the condom, filling it with hot and sticky liquid that you suddenly crave to taste. Rubbing up and down your raised leg, Jimin rolls his hips slowly into you while you recover, fingers still woven in his blanket. His fingers still press against your bud absentmindedly, and you have to grab his wrist before he becomes aware of your over sensitivity, snapping out of the trance he had fallen into while studying your body. 

After a while, he pulls out of you weakly, his length falling limply against your thigh, used and sated. Jimin silently helps you onto the bed— that seems too high now— and moves to clean you both up, throwing away the condom and retrieving a cloth to wipe down your legs. 

“Damn,” You sigh when he returns to plop onto the bed next to you. “If I’m being completely honest, that was some of the best dick I’ve ever gotten.” 

“What can I say, I know what I’m doing. But you were pretty good too.” He replies cockily, and you roll your eyes at him, about to respond with your own smartass comment, but then he rolls toward you and pulls you into his embrace unexpectedly, giving you pause.

“What are you doing?” You don’t fight it, but you’re not sure if you should allow this or not. You weren’t that close to him yet. 

“I like to cuddle after sex. That’s just something about me you’ll have to accept.” He smiles down at you cutely, booping you on the nose when you meet eyes with him and laughing at how you swat his hand away. “You don’t have anything to do today, right?” You shake your head. “Good, that means you can stay and cuddle with me for a while.”

You hum, relaxing in his hold, calming your breathing slowly until you’re both okay enough to function properly.

“I really don’t fuck around. You know that, right?” He asks after some time, looking at you with concerned eyes. You nod.

“I believe you. You don’t have to prove anything to me.” Giving him a reassuring smile, you study the emotions that flicker briefly across his handsome face.

“You’re actually the first girl I’ve done anything with since the beginning of this semester. I tried to avoid them so I could stay focused on my sport and be a good role model, but something about you just drew me in. And now that I’ve had you, I’m not sure I can stay away for too long. You felt so fucking good.” He whispers the last part into your hair shyly and you laugh, cheeks tinging pink at his honesty. You didn’t want this to end so quickly either and you hoped there would be a next time. 

“For the record, I haven’t been talking to anyone else either. Nobody else seemed worth my time.” You confess quietly.

“So I’m special?” He asks, giving you an adorable smile that makes his eyes crinkle into crescent shapes.

“You interest me, Park Jimin.”

You stay like this with him for an indefinite amount of time, talking about random things and laughing with each other, even feeling comfortable enough to take a nap in each other’s arms when he informed you that you didn’t have to worry about his roommate returning since he wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. It’s comfortable like this, and you’re hesitant to leave when you check to time to see how long it’s been. You get dressed and stand in the middle of the room, watching as Jimin sits on the edge of the bed smiling at you.

“I really liked hanging out with you. And not just because of the sex.” He says happily. 

“Me too. I guess you’re pretty cool.” You mumble, both of you giggling softly. 

“But seriously,” You look up to see the sincerity in his eyes as he speaks. “You’re one of the realest, most chill people I’ve met and I really like that about you. Feel free to come up anytime to hang out with me, I really enjoy your company.” Then you’re graced with that same shy smile as when you saw him for the first time and your heart skips. 

“We’ll see.” Trying to keep up a cool façade, you just nod in his direction, grabbing your phone from the other bed and walking to the door. Internally, you were screaming, but you could never let him know that. 

“See ya ‘round.” He winks, watching you wave as you exit his room slowly.

And as soon as you’re in the hallway, you practically sprint down the stairs to your floor, unable to wait to tell Luna about the day you’d just had.

[bootheng]

modern!au k(lance)

they're all in their 20's except for Shiro who's 30 and coran who's 50

first of all. miss me with that 'pining roommate' shit. I love miscommunication and making characters that r sexy bffs with one another

Lance meets Nyma through a Craigslist ad he put up saying he needed a roommate. the moment they met was a tragedy for everyone but them because they're that powerful and beautiful

lance with tousled hair, wearing a half-unbuttoned silk shirt and designer jeans, Michael kors sunglasses pushed up atop his head, arm wrapped around nyma: hi guys this is my roommate, nyma!

nyma, with her blonde 3-ft long box braids down her back, perfectly manicured red nails, bodycon dress and loubitons, hand on lances waist: hey

allura, shaking and on the verge of tears: STOP MAKING US LOOK POOR AND UGLY

Lance is in school for marine biology and Nyma works as a hairdresser and the both of them are small beauty gurus on YouTube that collab with one another

lance: hey guys we're going to be trying out the new anastasia pallete we got today :)!

nyma: and by got we mean shoplifted from sephora

lance: NYMA YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT

they're also insta baddies and both gender non-conforming baddies. Nyma is a nonbinary lesbian icon and lance is a nonbinary bicon.... those are like the fucking BEST senses of style

anyone with eyes can see that nyma is into and ONLY into girls but of course... heteronormativity.

rolo: I still don't get why you're dating lance. he's super annoying.

nyma: he doesn't bitch nearly as much as you even when he's got my cock in his ass

they do this thing where when people assume they're a couple they pretend they're some kind of kink couple and freak everyone out

which is why when hunk and pidge meet nyma they're like :eyes: but when nyma flirts with pidge lance doesn't even bat an eye and then lance starts pining about Keith's greasy mullet and his bags under his eyes and nymas got this look on her face that perfectly resembles a man who's lost all sense of normalcy and righteousness in his life and now sits in a bar every night listening to this dumb romance novel type shit and then pidge and hunk are like. oh. no they're just gay.

speaking of keith. he's one of those gays. one of the quirky emo gays that never sleeps and listens to 'coffee and cigarettes' on repeat and has like 3 strings of lights in his room and not only is an art major but ALSO a photographer. and yet somehow he still has the will to wake up at 5 am every morning and go to the gym like some kind of HEATHEN.

Lance knew Keith in high school for 3 years until he got expelled for fighting at the end of his junior year. He was also universally crushed on and was the bad boy jock of the school with a heart of gold so naturally Lance pretended to despise him so he could pine for him in peace

that all goes down the drain when Lance recognizes Keith in one of his classes and goes through the five stages of grief because a) he's hot and b) Lance is openly bi now so he doesn't have an escuse to not tolerate him

(He wasn't gonna do anything about it until he was put in a group with Keith a few weeks into class and he off handedly mentioned he went to Keiths high school, and Keith claimed he didn't remember him, and Lance was just a tad bit upset but was gonna leave it at that except after like 5 days of working together Keith slams his fists into the table and is like 'HOLY FUCK LANCE MCCLAIN?' And Lance is like. w. What.)

turns out Keith does remember lance. very vividly, actually. because he was the guy that everyone kind of had a crush on because he was so nice and charming to everyone he met, and Keith was SO gone for him. he just didn't recognize him tbh, which makes sense, bcuz in high school lance wore blue contacts and had straight hair and now he just wears glasses occasionally and leaves his hair wavy. Keith is gay and stupid don't blame him

keith, bursting into Shiro and Adams apartment at 2 pm: SHIRO HOLY FUCK

adam, bags under his eyes, underneath the covers of him and shiros bed: good fucking god not again

I'm tired of talking about ppl other than Lance and nyma though so I'm gonna talk about them for a bit because im love

as I said Lance has wavy hair and his actual eye color is brown but as he was growing up he was hella insecure about it that's why he wore blue contacts.... nyma caught him once trying to put them on again and put an end to All That Real Quick

nyma has brown eyes too and they're super dark, almost black, and that shits breathtaking bro. she usually has her real hair dyed blonde all the time and permed but she also likes to wear wigs and get braids too because she knows she looks damn good in them. everyone is jealous.

lance has tons of super light freckles. Enough said. nyma has a birthmark on her hip that's kind of shaped like a horse if you look at it from the right way

lance: you were a horse girl as a kid weren't u

nyma: how fucking dare. how fucking dare you say that. I really do have to laugh.......

nyma: obviously I was a warrior cats stan

lance's sense of fashion ranges from 'i went to California for a week once and now I can't stop wearing sweatpants and slides' to 'It's surprising I haven't gotten robbed at this point'. Lance is a scholarship baby so all the money he saved up through countless jobs and the one he already has at a coffee shop almost exclusively goes to clothes and kombucha

Nymas sense of style is definitely more on the eccentric side but since she looks good in EVERYTHING she gets away with it. think dollskill but with more neon colors and designer. she's the kind of person that never wears the same shade of lipstick for a whole month and has a box full of makeup palletes that are almost untouched and everyone who has seen it is both jealous and in wonder FENTYWAYS...

Keith goes over to lance's apartment for a project of sorts and immediately assumes that Lance and Nyma are a thing (they're very platonically affectionate, Nyma will kiss lance's cheek and they cuddle sometimes) which is disappointing but it's not a surprise considering Lance is so Lance and everyone else acts like they are dating so that must be the case, right?

lmao you thought.

nyma: holy shit. holy Fuck. God, allura is so hot. I would probably die if she brushed past me. I would die happily knowing I've been blessed by the touch of an angel.

lance: yeah haha she's really pretty.

keith, struggling to not choke on his coffee hearing All This at 9:31 A.M. in starbucks:

Keith asks if he can take photos of the two of them for his photography insta and they both jump on it so they can flex being sexy and afterwards Lance thanks him with a kiss on the cheek and Keith is sent REELING into gay mayhem.

lance: do you think that was like..... too much.

nyma: i think men are dumb that's what.

I mean u can't really blame Keith because Lance and Nyma are constantly joke-flirting with one another on social media and are in almost every one of the others photos in some way, or at least tagged, so by the time Keith actually works up the nerve to ask about that, it's been WEEKS since Lance kissed him and he's been miserably failing to ignore it

keith: so.... how's nyma doing?

lance: she's good! She's spent all day dying one of her wigs so she went for a coffee run lol. probably will hang with allura and shay later too

keith: and.... that doesn't make you jealous?

lance: LOL no.... they could never compete with me (talking about being Nyma's best friend)

keith: oh.... well, it's good that you trust each other a lot in your relationship.... you seem like a really good boyfriend

lance: wat the fuck did you just say.

as soon as lance explains that nyma is not his gf and they're just bffs Keith is like ohthankgod.jpg and almost accidentally asks lance on a date before he stops himself and is like.... dumb gay bitch calm DOOOWWWNN

after that it becomes very obvious that nyma and lance r just friends at least for Keith mostly through dumb shit they say to one another

lance, sitting with hunk, pidge, and Keith at the library: hey guys wanna see something cool.

pidge: go for it

lance, clearing his throat: she think she bad but I'm better, these bitches tryna play catch up-

nyma, coming out of nowhere: SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN I'M TALKING LIL BITCH, PUT YO HEAD DOWN WHEN YOU TALK TO A PIMP-

Nyma and Lance have self-care nights every Friday, sometimes Allura or Shay will come, and very RARELY Keith if only to spend time with Lance. also? Allura and Shay are dating, die mad about it.

They do waxing, exfoliation, mud masks, moisturizing treatments, hair masks, painting nails.... need I go on. it's basically whatever they want to do that week and when Keith reluctantly agrees to participate one day Lance goes mental

lance: OK so here's what I'm thinking. it's obvious you haven't really had a self care day for a while, which is like, fine, you do you, but holy shit are your split ends bad. I was thinking maybe I could trim them and then we could do a hair mask? Oh! A face mask would be good as well, even though you've practically got perfect skin. I'd offer to wax but for first timers the pain is a bitch to handle on the face. I'm not sure if you'd be an acrylic kind of guy but I have some black nail polish that I could put on- wow, your hands are really big compared to mine, and they're so soft, haha, isn't that crazy? so what do you think?

keith, still reeling from the fact that lance is going to touch his hair, face, and hands in the next several hours: uh......yeah..... sounds great.

nyma, sitting on lance's bed in nothing but a bra and sweatpants, smoking a blunt and readjusting her sheet mask: *long exhale* christ

Shay got Lance into the whole healthy organic food thing and in turn he got Nyma into it so they're both the bitches who drink nothing but Fiji water and almond milk and will offer you a plate of sliced cucumbers and tomatoes as a snack. we Stan a vegan couple.

keith: these are actually really good.

nyma: we usually put them on our eyes, but go off I guess.

keith:

nyma: nah I'm just fucking with you, we have different cucumbers for that

by the end of the night Keith feels like he's been cleaned by a car wash and he's dizzy from all of lance's thoughtless affection and when lance says he can stay the night because it's already late, Keith mindlessly blurts out 'only if it's with you' and nymas like.... um. Wig.

keith, laying stiff as a board on one side of lance's bed: uh

lance: oh my God you gay bitch get over here and spoon me. also kiss me on the fucking lips bro.

Nyma owns a cat named Beezer that she stole from her old roommate (rolo) but calls her beebo because quote 'beezer is so fucking lame bro i hate men'. Lance owns a Russian blue mix called, you guessed it, Blue, that he found stuck in his apartments basement only a few days after moving in. Nyma and Lance are WEAK

lance: ohhhhh look at my pretty baby sitting on the table all cute and relaxed!!! look at that baby!!! fantastic stuff!

nyma, putting her head on beebos belly: You Are So Soft And So Chubby I Would Die For You

pidge would also die for the both of them

OK I'm tired and uninspired so I'll stop here but I MAY ADD MORE LATER

[saint-patrice]

Can you do the picture thing with pasta?

i can indeed my friend! 😎 i love our czech noodle boy with all my heart, so let’s get this show on the road:

see here for other posts like this one! i am also taking requests for ‘em :)

i’m putting this photo first because i found it to be personally and deeply transformative. i have always adored pastrnak, but was on the fence for a while as to whether i also found him physically attractive. this picture give me an aggressive shove off of said fence, and i then proceeded to land in a pile of my own feelings for this man. not that he even needs it in the first place, but that shirt is doing miraculous things

🎶 walk, walk fashion baby, work it move that bitch crazy🎶 despite his teammates’ best efforts to take the piss out of him for it, pasta really is our resident fashion icon, and i love that. this suit is stunning, and i’m usually iffy about suits w sneakers, but it actually looks rather lovely on this occasion. i now feel inspired to go find a pair of renaissance-looking floral trousers of my very own

joyous!! a beautiful ray of sunshine!!!! we are so lucky to have him, i really really love the energy and ~vibe~ he seems to bring to the team. my sample size of one (me) perhaps makes my findings unreliable, but i do believe that it is scientfically impossible to not smile when looking at pasta smiling

i go completely apeshit every time i see pastrnak’s tattoo - it’s absolutely gorgeous. if i remember correctly (please holler at me if i’m wrong), a lot of it is in memory of his father too, which is really nice. pasta is an amazing player in his own right, but when you hear about his childhood and what he had to work through, i think it makes you appreciate what he’s managed to achieve - especially at such a young age - all that much more. we’re proud of you pasta!!

noodle man says gay rights. fuck yeah!

is there a shortage of snacks in the nhl?? why does everyone feel the need to munch on their equipment??? i’m so confused. whatever the case, this is hella cute, and makes me smile like an utter fool 

oh no, there he goes :(

sometimes i’m having a bad day and then i remember this picture exists and you know what? smiles is better. pasta would make a good life coach. it will not solve your problems, but sometimes just putting on a smile can make them seem a bit easier. anon i’m so sorry, you probably just wanted a lighthearted photo post but here we are, getting very philosophical. blame pasta. tl;dr, smiles is better and david pastrnak is amazing

what locker room shenanigans are these boys getting up to? and do i even want to know? this post was a blessing from the bruins instagram tbh. also uhhh boy’s got some fuckin legs jesus h christ 👀 watch where you’re putting those things

oh my god!!!! who let him look this good holy shit. i think navy might be pasta’s colour, and i can totally get on board with the navy/coral combo too. absolute style king, through and through

this is, i think, my absolute favourite pasta lewk. it’s fairly simple, but i love the colour scheme (see my above point), and the matching waistcoat + jacket really make it. i am also smitten with those shoes for some reason. plus i think the headband is literally just so good???? like hell yes, i am very much here for all of pasta’s hair accessorising 

something in me feels like pasta frequently gets in mild trouble with the bruins pr team because he is just slightly chaotic. case and point: mr pastrnak just distributing gatorade thingys to the audience at the all star skills event lmaoooo i love him

the grey shirt is back - be still my beating heart. oh lord. he looks so fucking good. i cannot stop looking at this

okay so pasta literally scores the dirtiest, sexiest goals i’ve ever seen. do yourself a favour and look up some compilations on youtube. thank me later, because every single one of them is fucking delightful, with the occasional one honestly getting me a bit hot and bothered 

i wouldn’t put it past him to just walk into td garden on a tuesday in april with this getup 

this is a strong candidate for my favourite social media interaction ever. “hey spaghetti man” is such a strong opener and i think it gave me whiplash, but nothing can be as iconic as “it calls style in europe”. sometimes that’s my response when my friend gives me a look for wearing an outlandish shirt or loud pants - they have no idea what i’m actually referencing, and also we live in europe, so they usually just try to ignore it. this is also a good photo in general, pasta looks v cute. i can only assume those jorts (let’s call them as they are, folks) were intact when he bought them but his legs, as we can see, are so powerful that they broke free 🤷🏻‍♀️

i mean this is like,, very sexy of him to look like that and that’s all i think i can safely say about this gif, at least on this new pg website tumblr has tried to create…

i reblogged this with the tag #oh…….worm? and i stand by that. like, sir?? hello??? do you have any idea what you’re doing to me???? i just cannot catch a break from this man’s sheer beauty 

(gif via @gaudreau) oh my god i actually love him - he really is our little ray of sunshine 💖 i don’t even know what tf he’s doing but he’s so cute so it does not matter. this also reminds me of that one clip of him doing the macarena in front of a green screen while wearing his skates for some media thing

this is like the only goddamn gif i could find of it but pasta passing the empty net goal to bergy during his 1000th game is one of the sweetest things i’ve ever seen anyone do on the ice???? it was just a little gesture but i think it’s a testament to the team dynamic, as well at the type of person pasta is (ie lovely). sometimes i tear up thinking about this game if truth be told (yes i’m a baby leave me alone)

i know i said i liked the blue suit the Most but this is a close second,, that is such a crisp fit he looks so mf good mmmmmmmm . also what a lovable buffoon 

handsome man alert !!!! this is not a very good picture to demonstrate the fact, but pasta has really nice eyes like i’m legitimately jealous >:(

(gif via @formulaice7) a better man would have been able to pick just one of these to include, but better men are off doing something far more productive than this, so you are stuck with me, who is chronically indecisive. but i saw these gifs and my only reaction was “oh fuck” and i do believe that is appropriate. maybe it’s just my weird opinion, but one thing sexier than shirtless? almost shirtless. (but i mean there’s plenty of fully shirtless pasta out there if u want it) the hand hanging on that hook is also kinda getting to me. he is just very beautiful

sometimes i wonder why the majority of the nhl has no personality and then i remember - david pastrnak is literally hoarding it all…!

lads, it’s official: this is the only photo i need to look at for the rest of my life. if this is not the energy you are bringing, i don’t want to fw you

and here ends my very first david pastrnak lovepost - thank you for the request anon, i hope you enjoy!!! :) i love pasta with all my little heart so i really loved doing this one and in all honesty could probably be talked into doing another one pretty easily if anyone is interested, bc there’s a lot of photos and gifs i didn’t use (i don’t want to make these like 50 photos long yknow). as mentioned at the top of the post, feel free to send me any requests you may have!!

[this-lioness]

So like... it’s been a really weird fucking couple of days.

I thought about password protecting this, ‘cause not everybody needs to know everybody else’s shit, but I’ll try to summarize in a way that doesn’t incriminate anyone.  Not that I think anybody cares.  This is gonna be super fucking long, so hold onto your butts.

Husband and I belong to a smallish but close circle of friends.  We all largely met one another through one another, if that makes sense.  Like, Person A and Person B meet Persons C and D, then A and B meet E, who has a lot in common with D, and they become friends, and then C’s roommate F starts tagging along to stuff, and now we’re all bowling together or some shit like that.  So when someone in the group meets someone new, and gets along with them, it’s a pretty sure thing that sooner or later they’re just going to be part of the group eventually.

This has worked out really well for us. But... there have been some exceptions.

Case in point, Husband and I met and became friends with a local dude who we thought would integrate well with the group, invited him to our local NYE party, and it seemed like he was starting to blend with everyone.  But then the dude started flaking out, and the fact that at 30-something years old he was still floating from retail job to retail job, didn’t really bathe or keep himself groomed very well, was telling weird, vague lies about completely unnecessary stuff, and we were kinda like... yeah... maybe we don’t want him super involved after all.

But like, you don’t know until you try, right?

A few years ago Husband and I were tabling a local geeky convention of some kind, and we ran into this chick -- we’ll call her Selina -- who was cosplaying there with her best friend -- we’ll call him Logan.  Logan and Selina, with me so far?  They seemed nice enough, typically geeky folks that we had a good deal in common with.  We became Facebook friends with them both.

Something to note about Selina: She was married.  She was also an avid cosplayer and pretty talented makeup artist.  She posted lots of pics of herself in costume on her IG.

Something to note about Logan: In spite of the fact that Selina was married, it was painfully, excruciatingly obvious that Logan was in love Selina.  Like head-over-heels, constantly making “vaguebook” posts pining away for someone nameless who he yearned for deeply, etc.  Like... nobody ever acknowledged that it was Selina that he was in love with, because she was married and she clearly had no feelings for him, but e v e r y b o d y knew.  You couldn’t NOT know.

Not too long after we met them and connected with them on social media, one of our good, dear friends (let’s call him Jay) messaged me privately and said, “Hey, what do you know about Selina?”

Long story short, Selina was really into roleplaying.  Jay mentioned he wanted to give it a shot, and wanted to check to make sure she wasn’t, like, crazypants.  We still didn’t really know Selina all that well, but we told Jay that she seemed cool, and there was no reason to think she was crazypants.

Jay was like, “Cool,” and so Jay and Selina began roleplaying together.

Now, I myself am an avid roleplayer.  I actually offered to roleplay with Selina, but Selina kind of... blew me off?  It turned out I’m a much more long-form narrative roleplayer than she is, and -- if we’re being honest -- probably a better writer than her overall, and I think she wasn’t into that.

Since I’m being so honest, I think she also turned her nose up at the fact that I had a vagina.

Something we came to learn about Selina, the longer we knew her: She loooooooved attention from dudes.  She was a not-particularly-fit-or-attractive chick who used cosplay as a means of surrounding herself with praise and male attention. Which, good for you, you do you, but that’s kind of a thing I don’t care to associate with.

So as time went on, Marc and I kind of... not distanced ourselves from her, but sort of side-stepped away from her into the “Nah, we’re cool” camp, if you know what I mean.  Marc wasn’t one of her drooling admirers, so Selina kind of didn’t give a fuck about him.

In 2016, Marc and I announced that we wanted to do a group cosplay for Baltimore ComiCon.  We wanted to do steampunk Marvel characters.  I was going to be Scarlet Witch, Marc was going to be Colossus.  Our friend Jay was going to be Cyclops, and his wife Julie (our other very good friend) was going to be Psylocke.  Selina and Logan decided they wanted to join in as well, and we met them there in Baltimore, but we weren’t really there with them.  We walked around with them in costume for part of the con, then we all went our separate ways.

Shortly before the convention, Jay’s wife Julie brought to our attention the fact that she and Jay were having some problems, and that Selina was at the center of them.  Jay’s roleplaying with Selina, and the amount of time they spent talking one-on-one with one another, had become problematic.

I’m going to leave it at that, because I’m sure you can kinda suss out what was happening.  Suffice it to say that although it took Jay awhile to realize how his actions were hurting Julie, eventually he realized that he needed to distance himself from Selina for the good of his marriage.  Jay and Julie worked this all out between themselves and all was well again.  There was a bit of awkwardness at the convention, but then we all went our separate ways again and things seemed like they were normalized.

However, the whole thing made us side-eye Selina even harder.

A short while later, Selina divorced her husband.

Now I’m going to introduce you to Karl.

Karl was long-time best friends with Jay, and was good friends with all of us, being part of “the group”.  Karl was in a committed monogamous relationship with Karol, and had been for some time.  We were all really glad about this, because we liked Karol a ton, and frankly Karl was kind of an awkward man-child with a lot of issues, and we all felt that Karol was good for him, and helping him mature.

Throughout all of this Karl had also become friendly with Selina.

One day Karl announces to all of us that he has broken up with Karol for reasons that made no sense to any of us.  We were all very confused and upset, but tried to be supportive of both of them.

Yeah, well, it turned out that Karl had been fucking around with Selina behind Karol’s back.  He broke up with Karol, blaming it all on her, because he wanted to fuck Selina full time, and didn’t want to look like the bad guy.

When “the group” found out we all turned on Karl and were like, “NOPE,” and basically everybody stopped talking to him.  Selina eventually broke up with him, claiming that she had no idea he was in a committed relationship during this time (which is bullshit, because she could clearly see on social media that HE WAS, but whatever), but of course in cutting Karl out we all cut Selina out as well.

Some time passed.  For reasons none of us really understood, in spite of everything he’d done Karol was still in love with Karl, and they continued to live together: initially just as roommates, but apparently rekindling some kind of relationship with one another as well.

Earlier this year, very suddenly and unexpectedly, Jay died.

This came as an absolutely gutting blow to the entire group.  In the wake of his death, we all sort of let Karl back into the fold.  He seemed incredibly repentful, and he knew it was going to be a long road to regain our trust and respect, but he was contrite.

It has been a very hard year for everyone involved, for reasons that I may get into another time.

At the time that Jay died, Selina -- on her cosplaying Instagram account -- posted a budoir-style T&A pic of herself in costume, and at the bottom added, “RIP Jay”.

I’m going to say this again, as judiciously as I can: If this is your thing, good for you, you do you, but in my opinion that was beyond fucking tasteless, and fuck her.

Well.  Earlier this week, Selina killed herself.

This sent a small shockwave back through the immediate group, although it settled again quickly.  Karl is the only one left who had any even remotely positive feelings about Selina, and I’m not 100% sure how he’s taking it. He seems OK, and until he says otherwise we kinda’ have to just accept that.  If he’s mourning her, he’s fortunately got sense enough not to do it where Jay’s widow Julie can see it, so... thank goodness for that, at least.

You may remember Selina’s BFF and unrequited love, Logan.  Let’s get back to him.

Well, Logan has spent the past week melting the fuck down.  I don’t even follow the dude anymore, myself, but out of morbid curiosity I’ve checked his FB page.

Holy shit.

This is not just... mourning.  He has gone way off the deep end, calling he and Selina soulmates, as if -- in spite of the fact that she never reciprocated his feelings (publicly, anyway) -- she was as madly, head-over-heels in love with him as he was with her.  He’s also doing this in full view of Selina’s recent ex-husband, with whom Selina was still friendly, and with whom he is supposedly friends.  God bless her ex-husband for watching this unfold and not driving over and stabbing this guy to death.

Logan even went so far as to talk about the cast of characters from a roleplay he and Selina had been doing together, which included a number of “in character” children born of their two characters, and saying they were AS REAL TO THEM as real live biological children are to actual flesh-and-blood parents.

To note: HE ALREADY HAS ACTUAL REAL-LIFE BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN.

Can you fucking imagine being one of his actual kids and watching him mourn these fictional children who did not actually exist, who your Dad concocted with some chick he was obsessed with, and basically saying that these FAKE KIDS mean as much to him as you do?

Like, he actually concluded the post saying (to Selina), “Please watch over our babies until Papa can come home.” Watching this unfold has been COOCOO-NUTS BANANAS.  I have never wanted to say, “DUDE,” so much to someone before.

I don’t know why I’m writing all this, except to say I really wanted to get it all off my chest.  Part of me subscribes to the whole “don’t speak ill of the dead” thing, and like... look.  I feel for Selina’s friends and family.  I feel for her, because clearly she was troubled, and I’m sorry that she felt this was the only way out of a dark place.  But also, killing yourself doesn’t retroactively erase the shitty things you did when you were alive.  And she did a bunch of shitty things. And yeah, I know I’m probably a shittier person for saying that, but whatever.

Anyway. Like I said.  It’s been a wild fucking year. :|

[vrenaewrites]

Lessons I learned in my year as a debut author.

In case this is literally the first piece of content you’ve ever seen from me and you somehow stumbled here from a more qualified person’s platform, hi. I’m V. Renae. I wrote a book called CIVIL BLOOD. It came out in October of last year. It’s pretty okay.

Which means at the time of this post, CB has been in the world for NINE MONTHS. That’s a long-ass time. That means I’ve been a debut author for almost a year now.

And boy have I learned some stuff. Lemme teach you some of it.

You are so not prepared for your parents/grandparents/former teachers/exes/best friends to read your sexy steamy scenes.

Folks, I write YA paranormal romance, and I find sex scenes cringey to write (personally). Which means as far as hot and heavy goes, CB is about as tame as Twilight or any other tween fodder you can think of. What I do love to write, though, is sexual tension. Which somehow, is more scandalous - at least when your friend’s mom tells you that chapter 12 got her so hot and bothered. Or when your friends tell you how hot they think your male MC is. Which like, thanks, I know, but also, that’s my child and you stay away from him he’s just a baby. Every time someone I know buys my book I am mortified and thankful in the same breath.

2. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, cares about your book as much as you do.

I was blessed beyond belief to have an awesome street team to help me promo CB in the few months leading up to publication. I was truly humbled to see my friends and family posting pictures of their fresh from Amazon copy of my book baby, tagging my official writer’s instagram, and linking the goodreads page so people could review it. And this enthusiasm lasted all of one week. I’m not even kidding. After the initial high of, holy shit a person I know published a book?! There was...crickets. I couldn’t believe it. How could people I know not be freaking the fuck out for months at a time over this book I wrote?! Maybe...because most people don’t freak the fuck out over books for that long? And especially if it’s not their usual genre. Like, they’re supportive but, they also didn’t really read it because they don’t like cults and witches and demons and southern gothic steamy teenage romance. Fair. Just wasn’t prepared.

3. You will notice things in your debut that will haunt you forever.

Despite the proofs upon proofs that I reviewed for my editor, I will gift you with a gem in CB that will take me to an early grave: “That was why I wasn’t supposed to (let myself go to the darkness). It was like giving an addict their drugs.” This little tidbit is in one of my favorite scenes and I FULL BODY CRINGE at that line. Like, we get it, dude. This is a perfect example of treating the audience like they’re stupid and spoon-feeding them things they can easily infer. Thanks! I hate it.

4. Good reviews feel like snorting cocaine. Bad reviews feel like getting punched in the face.

If you crave validation like air, then you’re probably a writer. At least, I feel like a lot of us need pats on the back or we will shrivel up and die. That being said, reviews are a double-edged sword for this. Anyone can write a review. ANYONE. On goodreads, on amazon, on twitter - all they need is an email address and a minute or two to type up a statement about a piece of your soul. When someone writes “I loved this book” on CB’s goodreads page, I could literally levitate and astral project into the stars, I’m so thrilled and happy and fulfilled by that. But guess what? We’ve all had negative opinions about a book. Some of us voice them. Often. Loudly. Some of us don’t bother. But guess what? If you’ve written a book, there’s about a one million percent chance that someone will write you a bad review. It could be an ex-boyfriend who’s jealous of your success. It could be a troll. It could literally be someone who didn’t like your book - I know. Hard to even fathom. But it’s gonna happen. Opinions are subjective, and so is taste. That doesn’t make it hurt any less when someone has a lot to say about how shitty your book is in their eyes.

5. If one person likes your book, you will feel worthy of continuing to write.

I’m going to shout out one person in particular here because although I have quite a few people who are ‘fans’, this person is a little different. Meghan and I went to high school together, and while we were friendly, we weren’t like, friends. She offered to advance read CB for me so she could write a review which I could use during promo season, prior to the release. Instead, what I got was a frantic facebook message telling me she had devoured CB in three hours and couldn’t stop thinking about it. She did the same with its sequel, reading it all in one day and giving me detailed notes within hours. She is my cheerleader: constantly encouraging and hyping me up, promoting and supporting me on social media, giving me endless advice and feedback. She’s the one I trust with in-depth theme questions about Thistlewolf. Honestly, sometimes, she’s the one I write Thistlewolf for. I owe it to Meghan to finish that trilogy because I know she wants to know how it ends. And that’s all it takes, sometimes, is one person needing you to finish your story.

And that’s all I have for you today. My debut year has been a whirlwind of fuckery and exhilaration and wonder and love and doubt and anxiety. I wouldn’t change a thing, except the things I wish I could change.

[kewltie]

YEAR END FIC REVIEW

This year I wrote: 

biological imperative 

wings of icarus

war of the roses

sugar, we’re going down

you are cordially invited...

garden of eden

your kiss tastes so red

hana to ryuu 

a demolition boy & his cryptid bf

the fox’s bride

when dandelion roars

hope is a four letter word

butterfly pinned under glass

the devil and the deep blue sea

vol 1: goodbye halcyon days

papa said to knock you out

my boy builds coffin

love meme, hate meme

interlude: paper darling

in rouge

at the feet of the world

that’s 21 stories (124k words!!!) and that’s discounting all the random fic snippets that i wrote only on tumblr so far. 

Overall thoughts

My actual writing year didn’t really start until like in May which mean the bulk of my writing was in the last half of the year. I spent most of the first half reposting and moving my eunhae fic over to ao3 so I didn’t actually have any new fic to post (even tho i was prob still writing away with random fic ideas anyway but no actual completed fic to post) until I wrote BI for bakudeku and that pretty much sealed the deal for me. New fandom, new pairing, and new obsession. Honestly coming in I was worry how slow I was writing and how I didn’t get much done but looking at my fic list and my wordcounts and HOW I DID IT ALL IN HALF A YEAR... im pretty impress with myself :D.

Also, I think it’s a good time as any to finally realize and accept when you finally  move on to a new fandom. So thank you v v v v much to my old fandom for nurturing me and helping me grow as i writer these past five years. You made every eunhae fic worth it, thank you again!!!!

My best story of the year

“A demolition boy & his cryptid bf” if all the kudoes that keep on coming tell me. Here’s a random tidbit about it: i wrote it all in like 2-3 days in some sort of mad spur. social media style fic was something i did for eunhae before so it wasn’t new to me so i guess that’s why it came easy enough LOL but this was little more intensive just bc i wanted it look even better but im sooooo glad ppl were so accepting of it despite the style of the fic and the way it was format. you guys rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gave me enough confident to start “love meme, hate meme” even tho im pretty sure i was going to do it anyway lol. 

My favorite story of the year

“love meme, hate meme,” only bc it is my masterpiece in term of how fucking damn pretty it is and how much blood, sweat, and tears i poured into it just to get that damn FONT COLOR RIGHT. 

Most fun story to write

“papa said to knock you out” aka kasumi ‘verse only bc she literally wrote herself. her voice come clear and true to me and i had such a fun time writing in her pov!! it also plays into my dumb romcom trope that i always love bc royalty au? CHECK? single parents? CHECK CHECK? past secret love affair? CHEEEEEEEECK. it’s just all so damn cliche and it’s me to T and i fucking love it. 

Story with the single sexiest moment

“In Rouge” played with a lot of things i love where it borders on sexy/intimate without crossing the line. like im 90% sure bakudeku were going to bang in the restroom but the fact that it’s THE RESTROOM IN THEIR SCHOOL and katsuki is damn good bf and wouldn’t want their first time in that shitty place so yea hands to themselves. but honestly i don’t do smut/nsfw but i always tread the water with it lol with my kink fics bc i am kinky v v v much so but i do in a way that is comfortable with me without dealing with explicit sex and im really glad i get to show off that in my fic bc sexy doesn’t alway have to lead up to sex ya know???? 

Most "holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story

"my boy builds coffin” a katsuki that kill sends shiver down to spine but man writing it and thinking what push him over the edge was exciting only bc i love my fluff in general but i highkey love dark and edgy stuff too esp super dysfunctional relationship, yo. 

Story that shifted my own perception of the characters

"My boy builds coffin” for sure. Only because I wanted to stretch how Katsuki would fall and understand the length he would go to ensure a future where izuku is alive and thriving and I THOUGHT man if your future bf who is this scarred and traumatized individual person come back in time to protect you by killing every fucking thing that hurt you and instead of freaking the fuck out you’re like “um, IM SO JEALOUS OF MY FUTURE SELF TO HAVE THIS PERSON DEDICATE THEIR LIFE TO THEM” and im like fuck bc that’s the kind of fucked upness that i love. 

Hardest story to write

if it isn’t “love meme, hate meme” than THIS IS YEAR IS FUCKING CANCEL. the formatting,juggling a gazillion of usernames, the font color and text, THE FANFIC ARCHIVE etc everything i have to carefully format and code even tho i have extremely and bullshit knowledge of it. 

Biggest disappointment

nothing???? i love ALL MY BABIES. but no really that fucking mad max au im writing and was supposed to be posted yest.... DAMN YOU. 

Biggest surprise

Uh, “demolition boy” and probably “kasumi verse” only bc i never intend for either of them to happen :P. 

Most unintentionally telling story

the vampire fic my entire reason for writing it is so I CAN PROCRASTINATE ON THE ACTUAL FI IM SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING. i wrote it all in one sitting passed waaaay into the AMs. that’s... some dedication to my procrastination. 

Story I haven't written yet, but intend to

the age gap abo childhood friends au i have been working on the side :S.

Goals for this year: 

Finished all my major projects (kasumi ‘verse, wedding verse, social media au, stepbro au)

hopefully i can get started on gasoline verse aka the post zombie fest where bakudeku tried to survived it by building the most codependent fucked up relationship possible :D; it’s letting your bf become a ‘zombie’ just bc you can’t live without him 

WRITE AT LEAST ONE TODODEKUBAKU FIC!!!!!

thank you soooooo much for putting up with this year!!!! i know im really bad at replying/commenting and interacting with you guys but i want you to all know i feel incredibly blessed and humble by all your kindness and support. you all treated me so well last year and this year I hope to return your kind gesture by giving you more stories to read in 2019!!! :D

[lightsandlostbells]

Druck season 2, episode 1 reaction

we’re baaaaaack

I said I would finish my Skam S3 analyses before I caught up on the remake reactions, and I’m working on the one for 3.10 (the finale), but I also didn’t want to fall behind on another show. So here are some thoughts on Druck’s first week back!

Episode 1

Clip 1 - “Their tongues battled for dominance”

It’s the moment we’ve been waiting for, Druck has come back from the war. And our very first shot is an extreme closeup of some very tongue-oriented kissing, thanks for that. 

Is it Matteo and a girl?

WAIT IS THAT KIKI AND ALEXANDER

HOLY SHIT

I definitely feel like Druck was playing with Skam fans’ expectations here. They know we’re expecting a kiss to open the season, but we’re expecting it to be Matteo and some girl, so Alex and Kiki throws us off. We’re also expecting Alex and Kiki to be completely over by now, not hooking up again - that changes the direction of the season, for sure.

I don’t know how much Mia’s issues will reflect Noora’s, but considering that Noora’s season opens with scandalous sex pics/media, and that it ties into not just what happens with Niko but Noora’s overall issues about sex that are threaded throughout the season, it’s kinda interesting to open with this sloppy kiss for Mia’s season, if she has similar hangups.

The lyrics of the song are on point: 

You're a poison and I know that is the truth All my friends think you're vicious And they say you're suspicious

The other girls watch in horror and befuddlement, like the OG girl squad did with Isak. HI, GIRLS! Lovely to see you again. Sam is the only one who seems not entirely appalled by this coupling.

FUCK FUCK FUCK, Alex drives off in his car with Kiki. Kiki is so eager, staring at him with such wonder. It really makes you feel bad for her, when this dude was such a jerk to her previously! He apologized but he still acted like that! And now she’s back with him. Not great.

I guess this is an unpopular opinion, from what I can tell, but … I like Kiki. Not necessarily as a human being, I completely understand why people find her the least tolerable, meanest Vilde, but something about her character just feels real to me. Like this is a version of Vilde I completely buy as a person I’d meet in real life. Hell, she does remind me of people I’ve met in the past.

Lmao, the camera swivels between each girl, I guess to emphasize the confusion/bafflement in the group. Mia does not get what Kiki sees in him. Amira’s like, he’s hot. Sam’s like, what’s wrong, they’re finally together! Sam, my beautiful girl, they weren’t a sitcom couple. This wasn’t the will-they won’t-they flirtation of the century. They did, and it was a disaster. 

Mia says they’re not a couple, Sam is like … but they spend every night together? This is kind of adorable coming from her, tbh.

Amira points out that Sam spends every night with her camel and Sam’s points out that they’re together! Lmao, I love this bit of continuity. Shout-out to Carmen! 

Mia thinks Alex will drop Kiki once he finds another girl. Well, he probably will, it’ll just be Mia. Amira says, pfft, that’s all western relationships. Mia is like … do you want us all to become lesbians? Mia, there is a segment of your audience who would be completely OK with that.

Mia and Hanna air kiss and I know it’s not gonna happen but by God I wish it would. I’m so apprehensive about how they’ll handle Mia’s sexuality this season, with her smooching Hanna last season to get Axel off her back, but also her being bi via word of God.

Amira says she has to go to prayer. Mia asks whether Amira was just there? Amira says no and leaves. So maybe Amira is doing something else and keeping a secret from the girls? I guess one other possibility is that Mia (a non-Muslim) doesn’t realize how much Muslims are supposed to pray, but I think the first is more likely from a story perspective. Anyway, it’s small but I like little nods to Amira’s religion, things like her mentioning going to pray so it feels like it’s more integrated into her character. 

Sam asks the girls to swing their legs and it’s super cute. It was also an IG story she made, so that’s a nice inclusion. It’s cool when they tie in the clips to actual social media posts (much like how Matteo posted a video of Hanna and Jonas last season that seemed to be taken within the clip itself).

People got seriously fucking mad with this clip, lmao, but honestly, it’s such a big departure from the original that I wasn’t pissed. There’s too much we need to know about how the Kiki/Alexander relationship will play out in the long run before I get angry at what’s happening.

In the credits after the clip, we see a pillow fight scene with the girls. I’m gonna guess that’s maybe a snippet from the Easter cabin episode (or whatever’s taking place of the cabin episode). I wonder if we also got a slumber party scene as a makeup for not getting the full girls’ sleepover in S1? It was just Mia and Kiki.

Clip 2 - Santa Claus is coming

Mia observes their toilet at home at German Kollektivet. It is gross. There’s pee all over the seat, what even looks like a curly hair??? I want to puke. I take it back, I’ll watch Kiki’s and Alex’s tongues for an hour if Druck never shows me anything like this toilet again.

Mia angrily stomps over to the bedroom of German Eskild (Hans) and bangs on the door. German Linn comes up to her, saying Hans has a visitor. Mia explains that Hans peed all over the toilet seat, Linn asks if she should clean it up. Mia says if they always do it for him, he’ll never learn. This is a small moment and not necessarily like, groundbreaking feminist commentary, but it’s why I have some faith in Druck for this season? Mia is adamantly against women cleaning up men’s messes (literally and certainly figuratively). I’m not saying she’s a perfect feminist, but she actually seems like a believable feminist teenage girl, with a lot of feminist principles that seem integrated into her life, which not all of the remakes have captured, imo.

Mia bangs on the door, Hans doesn’t open it, so eventually she does and of course Hans is getting his dick sucked. He’s wearing a Santa hat. There are so many directions you could take this joke that I can’t settle on anything, sorry. 

I will say that I’m pretty sure there are multiple shitty Christmas slasher movies where the killer is driven to hack people up because they spied someone in a Santa costume having sex, and that scarred them for life or whatever, so Hans better watch his back. And clean up the toilet from now on.

Hans makes excuses for his wayward urine, Mia asks him to clean it up. Hans is like, tomorrow! Hans, people are probably going to use the toilet between now and tomorrow. It is not going to take you long to do the bare minimum and spray down some cleaner and then wipe it off.

Uhhhh the other dude who’s putting on his Santa jacket seems kinda cute. Good job, Hans? Except apparently the guy, Michi, is boring and talks too much about Trump, Nazis, refugees, etc. So bringing in those aspects of S2 a little early, which is nice and topical. (But lol @ Mia and Hans talking about how boring this guy is when the door is still open a crack.)

Mia asks why Hans meets with him then, and Hans says it’s because Mia is always in school and who knows what Linn is doing? He was lonely. And by lonely, let’s be real, he means horny. Something neither Mia nor Linn can satisfy for him.

Hans compares Michi to a boomerang: you throw him away but he always comes back. Mia is appalled by this. You all suck! Not “you all” as in gay people, “you all” as in men. Hans is like … well, you’ve got me there! 

I liked that already, this scene ties into the plot thematically. Hans is basically doing the same as Alex, or at least what Mia thinks is happening with Alex. Hans is using Michi for hookups, Alex is using Kiki. Throwing her away, but like a boomerang, she comes back. Mia thinks what Amira said earlier about relationships is right. Guys are awful.

Hans didn’t make the best first impression here, with comparing Michi to a boomerang, and being dismissive of serious political issues, but I mean, this is only his first scene, and it’s not like Eskild’s first appearance revealed too much about him except that he thought Disney was a good fellatio soundtrack.

Clip 3 - Hello, Jotteo

Hanna and Mia walk to school. Mia says that her parents decided to go to Berlin without telling her, and they got into a fight. Her relationship with them is a nonstop cycle of arguing, basically. So Mia is going to do nothing for Christmas, basically, just stay at home and read - which sounds nice, personally, but also probably not that nice when it’s because you’re estranged from your family and have nowhere to go. Hanna is like, not on my watch! She invites Hanna to Christmas Eve with her and her dad. Yay, Hanna’s dad! I liked that guy, I hope we get to see him again.

Jonas and Matteo show up! Interesting because obviously Mia didn’t escape to Hanna’s yesterday to see Hanna and Jonas all snuggled up watching TV and talking about dating (like Noora did).

Hanna and Jonas seem a little awkward together. MY BABES. You still love each other!

Also, these are some fucking stoners, man. Are they high already? It’s like 8 in the morning. School hasn’t even started. They’re like, we have to go take a biology test! They’re laughing like this is the funniest shit ever. 

Mia asks if Hanna has talked with him lately. Hanna is like, “Jonas?” at first, and I can’t wait to hear how that relationship is going (or not going) but Mia meant Matteo. Hanna has no idea how she’d bring up that they found porn on Matteos’ phone and that they think he’s crushing on Jonas. Mia is like, just drop in a subtle hint, like asking if he watches Queer Eye! Lmao, Mia, have you seen Matteo’s hair and wardrobe? Bless him, because I love this messy, perpetually stoned version of Isak, but if he’s watching Queer Eye he’s sure as fuck not taking inspiration from it.

Hanna says she and Matteo don’t have much contact lately, because of Jonas. It’s not working out just being friends and he doesn’t seem willing to give as much on his end. Mia asks if Jonas has a new girlfriend, Hanna says no, that they promised to tell each other when that happens. Something tells me that isn’t going to go so smoothly this season. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jonas gets a girlfriend but Hanna doesn’t hear about it from him. I mean, Eva didn’t hear about Jonas being with another girl straight from him, and they were on much better terms than Hanna and Jonas (superficially, at least).

Mia seems doubtful, too. I’m sure her current “Men are the worst” attitude isn’t making her more optimistic.

Clip 4 - Mia vs. Alex in class

Mia is in class. Kiki’s sitting next to her; Alexander is on the opposite side of the room; because he got held back, they’re in the same grade. Mia looks to him. I will note that Alexander does a kind of laugh to himself before he looks up, so maybe he sensed that Mia was scoping him out?

Mia, who is looking very pretty by the way, pulls up her shirt so it’s not baring her shoulders so much. I vastly appreciate that they did this part differently than in the original! In that one, William texts Noora that she looks good in the shirt, causing her to put on a jacket - it’s his direct advances and comment making her uncomfortable. In this scene, Alexander is just looking at her - which might make her uncomfortable but at least he wasn’t doing it in an overly lascivious way. 

We also see him respond to that, and it’s hard to tell because he doesn’t avert his eyes totally or anything, but he doesn’t completely keep staring at her.

Like in Skam, their teacher is filmed below the neck, although this guy’s nipples aren’t the main attraction. Rather, it’s his festive reindeer sweater that draws the eye. (NGL, this gives me an idea for one of the S3 remakes where instead of checking out the female teacher’s boobs, the Isak is like … staring at his male teacher’s nips poking through a polo shirt or whatever.)

This is like a history/social studies class and the teacher has been talking about institutional oppression. He asks for comparisons between apartheid in South Africa and the Third Reich.

A girl is like, why can’t we talk about something relevant like Syria? Lmao, random girl, of course it’s important to talk about Syria, but what’s this insinuation that it’s not relevant to talk about past atrocities? This is part of why we study history, to draw comparisons between the past and present. Not to mention the repercussions of those periods are still felt today.

Mia and Alex’s argument about Israel being an apartheid state is more in line with how I think Noorhelm was meant to be, with the two of them having debates and William challenging Noora’s opinion. However, it never really worked for me because I felt these arguments leaned too heavily on not just like ... intellectual debate for the spirit of it, but Noora objecting to something William had done, and then William trying to argue why it was actually OK. There weren’t many debates about stuff unrelated to their relationship and William’s behavior, not much verbal and mental sparring for the pleasure of it. So maybe this isn’t an enjoyable debate, per se, but it’s at least a heated one between two parties with different strong POVs, on something besides trying to justify one’s own behavior.

When Alex quotes David Ben-Gurion, Mia says there’s a difference between a German saying that Israel is an apartheid state and an Israeli saying so. Alex is like, nah. Mia asks, so there’s no difference when I insult your sister and when you do? He seems to get a touch more serious and says while emotionally there’s a difference, practically there isn’t. No one should insult his sister.

People were reading very literally into this comment, that she’s aware of his sister, but I think she’s just presenting a hypothetical scenario as an analogy. It’s not that she actually knows he has/had a sister. It’s that her hypothetical scenario happens to have more baggage attached to it than she realizes. Assuming that Alex maybe has a dead sister, this is actually a very good moment! It makes sense why he’d get more emotional over her at this mention, like it struck a nerve even if it’s not what Mia really meant.

The teacher is like, thanks for your contribution, it totally misses the point! Lmao, between that comment and the reindeer sweater, I like this guy.

Behind Mia, Kiki seemed pretty into Alex’s talk, by the way.

As the class packs up, Mia says Alex is a dick, Kiki says he’s not and that Mia doesn’t even know him. He’s insecure and just wants his parents’ attention. Mia is like, lol, didn’t know he was sensitive and vulnerable. She says it like a joke, but Kiki takes it seriously and says it’s all a front.

Mia asks why Alex is repeating his grade, Kiki says he didn’t want to talk about it. INTERESTING. I know from a Doylist perspective, this is so they can keep Alex on the show rather than him graduating, but I really hope they integrate it into his characterization. But he also said it’s none of Kiki’s business so like, he’s still an asshole. Mia agrees with me. He doesn’t have to tell her but don’t be a shithead about it.

Alex accompanies Kiki out of the classroom and gives her his hand, but appears to shoot Mia a look as he leaves.

Clip 5 - Kiki’s a vegan

Mia rides her bike in the morning and passes Kiki on the street. They have class now, but Kiki still needs to go home and shower. Mia is surprised because they’re pretty far from Kiki’s house, meaning Kiki has to run even more. However, Kiki seems pleased about how much she’s run.

Mia invites Kiki to go shopping with her and Hanna, and Kiki wants to go somewhere with vegan croissants. Mia is surprised by Kiki suddenly being a vegan. Kiki explains that she saw a documentary - not about factory farming, but about how healthy it is. Although then she adds she thinks factory farming is bad when she sees Mia isn’t pleased - that’s a nice touch because Kiki seems like she thought Mia was judging her for not being politically aware enough, and that Mia’s going to go on an activist diatribe or something, when Mia is really concerned because of Kiki’s extreme workout and diet.

Mia clarifies that she thinks veganism is great, it’s just that Kiki is working out so much as well as becoming a vegan. She said they talked about it and Kiki needs to be careful about this stuff. Kiki says she doesn’t see the problem with eating healthy and doing sports.

I like that moment because it’s kind of toeing the line, like … well, what is wrong with working out and eating healthy? And Mia can’t quite object to that in itself. On the surface, Kiki is making it sound reasonable. It’s just that we know more is going on with her than simply adopting healthy lifestyle habits. She’s taking it way too far.

Clip 6 - Mia vs. Alex, take two

Mia sees Axel in school and confronts him, saying they need to talk. He doesn’t seem that into it. When she asks him what he’s doing with Kiki, he plays dumb, she tells him that she’s going to get her hopes up for something serious. Alex is all, define serious. He says that he’s hanging out with Kiki and no one else, so what else is he supposed to do, propose to her?

If he’s explained to Kiki that this is a FWB thing, then honestly, it’ll be on Kiki not to hope for something more serious. It’s certainly not the best course of action for him because of how he behaved last season, and he should know by now that Kiki will probably take it too seriously. However, if he’s made his stance clear to Kiki that this isn’t a serious relationship, then it’s on Kiki to listen to that.

I like that her posture seems more stiff and ramrod straight, and he’s leaning against the railing, relaxed. She’s on guard and trying to make a point to, he’s not threatened by what she’s saying.

He says “If I didn’t know you were a lesbian, I’d think you were jealous,” and arrrrgh. Best case scenario, this at least suggests he has been backing off Mia because he thinks she’s a lesbian and not approaching her, and he respects that. However, I don’t think he buys that she’s really a lesbian (and this is confirmed by the end of the episode) so it comes across like a taunt instead. “If I didn’t know you were a lesbian” is him being ironic because he doesn’t believe her.

Mia says if he hurts Kiki, she’ll kill him. She walks away and Alex seems more amused than anything. He better take her seriously, she’s seen Santa getting a blowjob so the desire to kill should be setting in any moment.

Clip 7 - Gym class

Mia and Hanna are in gym class. They’re on the bleachers. They are both faking having their periods because they hate volleyball and PE. I can respect the fuck out of that. Jonas is playing volleyball, and he and Hanna are having some awkward eye contact.

Hanna mentions that Kiki is a vegan now. She doesn’t get how one can go without meat, but Mia has more serious concerns about Kiki’s sudden veganism.

The girls talk about Alexander and whether he’s doing this thing with Kiki as a tactic to make Mia jealous. God, I hope not. I hope he legit thinks she’s unavailable and is trying to move on or something. Because even taking the end of the episode into consideration, he wasn’t pursuing Mia on his own. He wasn’t texting her, calling her, starting conversations with her outside of class, and it was when Mia kept initiating contact and pushing him that he said he’d break up with Kiki if Mia went on a date with him. I’m not excusing him for that, but best case scenario, he was doing this thing with Kiki without the end goal of exchanging her for Mia.

The ball flies at Hanna, Jonas comes to pick it up and says sorry. I truly hope that was an accident, because otherwise, dick move. Anyway, another little beat of awkwardness between the two.

Clip 8 - Christmas party 

Party time! Linn sits on the couch, appropriately. She’s wearing a Santa hat, so she’s a little bit festive, at least?

The girls bake cookies, Hans seems to be making drinks. When Mia goes to the fridge, we get a nice glimpse of her, Hans, and Linn in some photo booth pics, awww.

Amira recreates the Salt Bae meme, which is fucking adorable, I love her.

Mia is a very pretty girl but I have to say that the styling is suiting her even more this season, and this is a really great look for her.

Kiki checks her phone. As we know from the social media, she had something planned with Alex. She’s sent some texts to him, but he’s ignoring her. Though I wonder if they actually had something planned, or if Kiki just assumed they did.

The doorbell rings and it’s Jonas, Matteo, and Carlos! I think they’re integrating the boy squad more into this season because they know fans love Jonas and Matteo, but that’s hardly something I’ll complain about. I live for more combined girl/boy squad content.

Hanna doesn’t seem totally OK with Jonas appearing - not like, shook to her core, but that she’s a little ruffled.

Carlos greets Kiki and says she looks good tonight and I don’t want to pair up any random boy and girl who interact, but if it will get her off Alex, then by all means, deliver us German Magnus/Vilde.

Mia asks Hans if he invited Michi (the guy from the BJ Santa clip) and he says no. Michi isn’t the kind of guy you date, he’s the guy you get to rim you. Well ... thanks for letting us know!

But it’s kinda interesting to me, because Hans is pretty dismissive and not complimentary of this guy, but at the same time… it’s his choice to just hook up with him and not go for anything serious. Mia seems like she’s meddling or judging a bit, disapproving of Hans doing this. I wonder if it’ll come into play later and if Hans will get as tired of Mia’s meddling as Kiki does. Still, it’s a nice parallel to her interfering with Kiki’s affairs, too.

This is a small, cute Christmas party, I dig it. The squads dance to All I Want For Christmas, the girls hug, it’s cute. Matteo sits at the table drinking, awww. Get up and dance, dude!

I wonder if Matteo not dancing is part of him checking himself not to be ~too gay? Or maybe he’s not in the mood because he’s been going through shit at home? Or he’s too drunk to get up? There are a lot of references to him drinking and getting stoned this season, and I mean, that’s not a great thing for him, but it’s a very interesting development in terms of what it will mean for his arc. 

Hans and Matteo have met now! Maybe they didn’t talk much, but they were in the same room!

WHO WAS TOUCHING MATTEO’S HEAD, I CAN’T TELL

Matteo and Kiki share a moment where she’s singing to All I Want For Christmas at him and he’s just at the table. Are they actual friends or something? Elaborate, please!

Everyone’s having a good time until Hans suddenly cuts the music, then they’re angered. How dare he cut off Mariah!

Hans announces they’re going to the club and goes into the bathroom to take party drugs. He says he’s going to pee, but the others are aware he’s taking drugs. Matteo mentions that Hans said he partied last week and it took him 72 hours to notice that he didn’t eat anything. Oh no, Kiki’s going to latch onto that. Mia seems wary.

Later, after the party’s over, Mia is cleaning up when the doorbell rings. Kiki comes back in. She’s going to party with Hans and Sam. Cotton pads fall out of her purse. Wait, Kiki is eating them??? Uh-oh.

Mia asks her not to take drugs, she saw how Kiki reacted when they were talking about Hans. Kiki gets mad and asks why she doesn’t get on Hans’ case. Mia says it’s because Hans doesn’t eat cotton pads as a snack. Kiki gets very upset. Mia wants to know if this is because of Alexander.

Truthfully, I don’t think dating Alexander helps, necessarily, since Kiki will feel like she needs to be at her best to hold Alex’s attention, and if he’s not 100% interested in her, she’ll find the faults in herself rather than him. It doesn’t help that he’s already told her she’s not worth it, and even though he apologized, she might still feel the memory of that. But this problem with Kiki goes well beyond her dating Alexander. I’m not absolving him of everything, obviously, but I think she’d be engaging in these behaviors regardless of what he thought, even if it’s for his approval. Mia is using Alexander as a scapegoat here for a much broader issue with Kiki. Like I have no doubt that these problems originated before Alex.

Kiki yells at Mia to stop interfering in her life and that she’s obsessed. I’m really interested in what Druck is doing with these two, because there are two sides to this. I think when it comes to Kiki’s eating disorder, while Mia ultimately can’t control what Kiki does, she’s not wrong to mention her concerns. This is one situation where your friend’s health and physical well-being are at stake. Mia has likely been where Kiki has and recognizes the signs. When it comes to Alexander … Mia probably should back off by now. She’s made her case, she’s stated her concerns. Kiki is making her own choices with who she’s hooking up with. They may not be great choices but they’re Kiki’s to make. But mixing the two sides is that Mia thinks the relationship with Alex is exacerbating Kiki’s eating disorder, so Kiki’s romantic life is entangled with her health. 

Mia lies in bed later. She goes through her text messages, first Hans, then Axel. If you look closely, you’ll notice that she sent something to him about the David Ben-Gurion quote being misattributed, which means they kept up the debate outside the classroom. Mia, I know you want to win the debate, but contacting Axel again to make your point isn’t going to convince him that you don’t care about him.

Mia texts Axel to leave Kiki alone. Again, this is messy because I think this is probably crossing the line, Mia’s said her piece already, and this is Kiki’s life. I’m glad they’ve emphasize that Mia thinks this situation is making Kiki’s eating disorder worse, though, because that is a very serious problem and if Mia thinks Alex is making it worse, then it’s easy to understand why she would keep intervening.

Mia is texting something like “Do you want to ...” before Axel writes back, and I’d be really interested to know what she was going to say. 

Aaaand Alex wrecks a lot of the good will we wanted to give him by telling Mia he’ll break up with her if she goes out with him and admits she made up all the lesbian stuff. Ugh. So he’s a) willing to break up with Kiki and hurt her just to get with Mia b) putting pressure on Mia dating him c) not taking her being a lesbian seriously which is sadly a common attitude among straight dudes. Obviously lesbians can’t be real, it’s impossible for women not to want me men! Even if he thinks she made it up about her sexuality, he should fucking leave it at that. I mean, she made it up for a reason and that reason is that she doesn’t want to date him, take a hint. Whatever Mia’s flaws have been in this whole situation, that doesn’t let Alex off the hook, either.

We close on Mia from above in her bed, with some distance. I like that, it makes her seem smaller and less in control of what she feels she has to do.

General Comments/Social Media

I’m really happy to see this show back! So far this was a promising start; I think they’re working on some of the production issues of last season and listening to the fans, so that’s encouraging.

This week there was a TON of effort put into the social media, with many IG posts and stories and multiple text messages. There were also clips every day, sometimes more than one. This was a really smart choice, because the constant flow of content grabbed people’s attention - remember that one week in S1 where the show took an unexpected hiatus and people wondered if Druck had been cancelled mid-season? Not great for holding viewers’ interest. I very much hope they can keep up the steady roll of content - personally I would not be surprised if they tone it down a little after this week, and the large amount of content this week was to drum up hype for the show, but I hope we can keep it at higher levels than last season.

However, the constant content and the increased promotion seem to have worked, because the amount of views per clip and subscriptions to Druck’s channel have increased quite a bit! A lot of the clips seem to have as many or more views as clips from S1, which have been out for months. At the beginning of the week there was something like 63,000 subscribers to the channel, I think? As of writing this, they have almost 100,000. They gained more than 35,000 subscribers in a week. That’s incredible! I also noticed several of the clips and episodes were trending by the time I watched them, so that’s got to help attract new viewers. When there are new clips out frequently, they can keep trending, which will grab the attention of new fans. I poked through the comments and there seemed to be a LOT of people who are not existing Skam fans, but German viewers discovering Druck for the first time, which is amazing.

I realize it’ll be very messy with the timeline, but I hope that we can squeeze in at least one more season of this show, hopefully two so we can get both Amira and Matteo seasons. If the momentum keeps up, it’ll be a huge shame to end the show when it’s doing so well. Don’t pull a Julie Andem, Pola Beck. (Lmao, I’m willing to drop realism and pretend this is like Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Veronica Mars when they graduated high school after 2-3 seasons and then all happened to go to the same university.)

About Mia being a lesbian or bisexual, or having a romance with a girl - as much as I would love for this to happen, I’m not going to get my hopes up. I don’t want to be disappointed. What I do hope is that the stuff with Mia isn’t queerbaiting - I really hope that she isn’t straight. I get that she’s probably not going to be a lesbian and that she’ll likely end up with Alex, because otherwise it would be an enormous diversion from the source material, one that would not go over well with a big part of the fanbase that loves Noorhelm and is looking forward to seeing that story again. But let her be bi, at least. I get that it’s a pipe dream to hope for Mia/Hanna or Mia/Kiki, but let the f/f content be stronger than it was in S2 of Skam. Make it better than just drunken makeouts between ostensibly straight girls.

The thing is, I do understand if they have her get together with Alex. However you might feel about it personally, Noorhelm is a popular ship (S3 was the biggest internationally but I know S2 was huge in Norway) and there will be tons of people looking forward to it. So really, I’m not expecting them to throw out that relationship and the Mia/Alex endgame. Later in the season, I might change my mind. But right now, while I’m expecting some of the story details to change (as they already have), I’m not going to predict a radical overhaul of S2. I think I’ll be more disappointed if I expect them to reinvent this story so dramatically and they don’t. And if they do? I can be pleasantly surprised.

There’s going to be a fuck ton of drama this season in the fandom - hell, there already is - because Noorhelm is already polarizing, and we’ll be seeing people who still want this ship to succeed and people who don’t. But I do want to point out one thing: a huge amount of people, until the final clip, were being positive about Alex and Mia/Alex’s potential, pointing out ways they preferred Alex’s behavior to William’s. This included people who straight-up hated Noorhelm. I think this says a lot, that many people are willing to get on board with the pairing if it gets rid of the stuff they disliked about the original S2. Of course many others are never going to like this storyline, and many people who had high hopes then dropped them after Alex’s text message to Mia. We’ll see how fandom attitudes change or stay the same over the season.

I like how they’re characterizing Mia this season. They seem to have a clear idea of her motivations, they’re giving her flaws that seem naturally integrated into her character. One of the best ways to create a character, imo, is to think of their flaws and their strengths not as existing on completely separate spheres, but as personality traits existing together that have both positive and negative qualities. For instance, Mia is kind and protective of her friends, overall a positive trait, but that leads her to interfere with their lives, which can be a negative trait.

There were a ton of IG posts and text messages, both this week and before the season even started. I might have missed something - I didn’t expect Druck to hit me so hard with SM content, lmao.

One pre-season text had Hanna wanting to meet up with Jonas, and he initially agreed, but then when she asked for details he didn’t reply, and on the day of, he suddenly couldn’t meet. Oh, kids. This is such a different dynamic from Eva and Jonas in their S2, when they appeared to be on friendly terms and were hanging out together, totally platonic, nothing to see here!!! Unfortunately, Hanna and Jonas still have some friction.

There was a really excellent text message prior to the start of the season, about the girls meeting with college/career advisers at school. It did the double duty of both telling us about the girls’ aspirations and dreams for when they graduate, as well as exposing various difficulties and societal inequalities that they face. For instance, Kiki wants to go to university because no one in her family has done so before, but the adviser tried to talk her into some apprenticeships. Amira jokes that it’s because the adviser saw Kiki’s grades, but that also sees like an issue of classism - Kiki expresses interest in university but the adviser discourages her, possibly based on her background and not coming from a family that went to university. Sam wants to study fashion design and the adviser said that goal fits, presumably due to her personal style. With Amira we see blatant racism in the system, as she wants to become a chancellor, but the adviser laughs and singles out her hijab as a reason why she’ll find it difficult. Hanna was told to do better in school, continuing her academic struggles from her season (the Evas have never been great students). Mia, on the other hand, is told she could be anything. And true, I think Mia’s supposed to be a good student, but note the disparity in that a young white girl is told her future is full of limitless possibilities, whereas Amira (who I’m pretty sure is also a good student) is told how she’ll struggle to achieve her dreams.

I think that sort of sets up some of the tension to a degree with Mia’s character. I’m not sure how much we’ll go into this, but Mia (and the Nooras) have frequently been like the golden girl of Skam. Like I agree that S4 made a lot of mistakes in giving Noora too much importance at the expense of Sana, but I also think there was an awareness that Noora was perceived so differently than Sana even though in many ways they were similar, because of racism, and how Sana knew this and was hurt by it (it was just that S4 was a weird mishmash of knowing this and portraying it critically, and indulging in Noora’s greatness and playing it straight). So we could have that with Mia and Amira at some point. But also, I think this is a big issue with Mia and Kiki (and Noora and Vilde). Because we saw Vilde basically have to deal with Noora being seen as a “better” version of her. For example, Vilde planned to tell off William and have that as her big moment; but William tore her down and Vilde ran off in distress, and it was Noora who stepped up to roast him and put him in his place. What Noora did was great but it snatched Vilde’s moment. Noora is pretty and skinny, she stuffs herself with pancakes and is model thin, something that Vilde aspires to be. Vilde has a crush on William and he uses her and throws her away; Noora gets William’s attention and she doesn’t even want it, then ends up in a serious relationship with him as William decides Noora is the girl worthy of his loyalty. We saw a lot of this play out with Mia and Kiki already in S1. Now in S2, the tension between the two is going even harder than with Noora and Vilde. Vilde never snapped at Noora the way Kiki does in this episode. Honestly out of everything, I think I’m most interested in seeing how that relationship develops over the season. Remember that Mia is the only one who was there to help Kiki with her pregnancy scare last season, so now they’ve got this other big situation and secret between them.

Girl Sam invited one of the boys to the Christmas party, but it’s not clear from the texts which of them it was. I’m pretty sure it was Jonas since he says Sam invited them in the clip, but still, that’s one downside of Druck’s text system, we can’t always tell who the conversations are between. Although on the other hand, I do think there are instances where that ambiguity could add some suspense and mystery. (She greets mystery boy as “Hi bitch!” which is pretty funny and suggests they are on reasonably friendly terms.)

I wonder if Sam invited the boys on behalf of Hanna? Then Jonas would have an excuse to hang around Hanna without the pressure of it being one-on-one, or seeming too much like a date/like they were back together. And he might respond more positively to a “neutral” party like Sam rather than Hanna, with all their history. 

By the way, Hanna had a pic of her and Jonas before the season started that’s like “When lovers become friends!” and she looks significantly happier about it than he does.

Carlos (the Elias from S1) got an IG and his name (car_lospolloshermanos) is a Breaking Bad reference. I remember him as being fairly decent and not too shitty in S1, so it’d be nice to see him as a member of German boy squad.

Kiki posts a pic of her healthy vegan meal and Matteo responded by posting his currywurst. Lmao, so they’re friendly enough that they can have this banter???

Matteo posts a bunch of memes on his IG. How Isak of him.

Amira had some utterly beautiful pics of her summer where she’s riding a camel and visiting the pyramids in Egypt.

There were so many Christmas party pics and videos! I loved the effort put into it. The kids were adorable.and the activity made it feel more like an actual party.

We’ve had Skam and the remakes take place on holidays, but never on Christmas, so I’m quite excited to see what Druck gives us! Even if it’s just Mia, Hanna, and Hanna’s dad chilling out, that’ll be good enough for me. Plus, we should get New Year’s too - what if we get a clip that drops around midnight on New Year’s Eve?

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

I’m not German, so if I missed any language or cultural context, feel free to let me know!

[ratandphilgames]

Our Lives Don’t Collide

{chapter 4: in too deep} 

summary: Shit hits the fan when famous actor!Phil is caught smooching a boy in an alleyway. Only problem? He’s not out and what’s worse? The boy he was smooching was a journalist who set it all up to get a quick picture and now Phil is royally screwed. The only answer Phils management can come up with is a fake relationship to try and do damage control and famous actor!Dan is the perfect candidate.

chapter word count: 2478

total word count: 9936

rating: t

note: super thanks to everyone who likes/ reblogs/ sends me a message! the support has been amazing! also huge thanks to all the babes in the writing gc for motivating me to write! ily!

updates on thursdays!

{read on ao3}

{read from the beginning}

{next chapter} 

—–

The 2 boys ended up playing video games for an hour after they decided they’d become friends, which went surprisingly well. They were really just big nerds too tall for their own good, and it showed when they played video games.

Conversation flowed easily, bants were abundant, and afterwhile they both forgot they were there because of their fake relationship, it just felt like hanging out. It’d been a long time since Dan had just hung out with someone who was genuine and didn’t want something from him. At least with Phil he was upfront with what he wanted from Dan, it was all in contract form to keep it clear.

“Wotch your back Daniel, I’m creeping up on you.” Phil yelled as he gripped his controller more intensely.

In any other setting Dan would’ve been frightened by this sentence, but seeing as it was because Dan was currently in first place in an intense game of mario kart 8, it was rather acceptable. They were on the first lap of the animal crossing track, season: autumn, and Dan had already pulled ahead as he spent far too much time playing mario kart in his free time. When you don’t know who you can trust, mario kart will always be there for you.

“Oh are you? ARE YOU?” Dan had a bad habit of getting way too loud when it came to competitions. He was howling in a way that could be deemed offensive had he been playing with a different person, Phil however, just laughed at him as he attempted to catch up.

“Yes! You’re going down!” Phil shrieked, and before Dan even knew what was happening he was hit with a blue shell, effectively knocking him out of his first place position and letting Phil take the lead.

“YOU LITTLE SON OF A PFFT PSH PFT.” Dan was trying not to swear too much, as to leave a good first impression on his fake boyfriend, but goddamn it was hard. He ended up just making random exhales of air as he tried to earn back his spot in first place.

Phil found so much joy in that little blue shell moment, his eyes were lit up and he was laughing like a maniac and just a little part of Dan felt that it was worth letting him win if he got to see him being so happy. The rest of Dan wanted to crush all his hopes and dreams as he destroyed him at mario kart.

They kept up the back and forth game of going between 1rst and 2nd until the third lap when Dan had pretty much established himself as winner in his own eyes. That was until the biggest upset in the history or time when Phil got the bullet on the last corner and won by a very small margin. Needless to say Dan threw his controller and Phil laughed so hard he was snorting.

“I won! Take that, Danny boi!” Phil had stood up on his couch and stared down at Dan in victory.

“Danny boi? Oh god this is embarrassing. Losing mario kart in my own home, to a noob.” Phil was hardly a noob, but Dan liked to tease. He glossed over the fact that he’d earned himself a new nickname, one he’d surprisingly never heard before. After his high school experience with gems such as ‘dick loving dan’ and ‘homo howell’ he’d have thought he’d heard every variation of his name possible, but Phil was constantly coming up with new ways to surprise him.

Mid gloat Phil’s phone started buzzing nonstop and he put a pause on his victory chant to reach down and grab the vibrating device. Phil plopped himself back down onto a seated position as he checked his phone to see who his caller was, as Dan started deciding on the next track they should play.

“Oh, uh, I’ve got to take this, it’s my manager.”

Dan barely looked up as he waved him off to allow him to go answer his phone. As Phil exited the room he could hear a greeting being exchanged and then some whispering. If he tried he could make out the words, but that was wrong, right? Eavesdropping was bad and he shouldn’t do it. Dan maintained that idea until he heard his name spoken and then curiosity got the better of him. He crept quietly, almost spy like towards the entryway of his living room, just far enough that he could better hear, but not too far that it would be unnatural if Phil were to walk back in and see him. Dan was just hanging out on the edge of the couch, nothing weird about that.

“It’s going okay, Liam. He seems cool, everything will be fine.” Phil was pacing back and forth through the hallway, making parts of his sentence quieter than the rest, but the message Dan received was loud and clear in his ears. Phil Lester thought he was cool.

Suddenly all those fanboy feelings Dan had been repressing through the time they spent together were resurfacing as he played those words over and over and over again in his head. All that mumbo jumbo about Phil being just a regular guy flew out the window as Dan heard himself being complimented by one of the most iconic actors of the recent era (and not to mention overall attractive man).

Phil Lester thinks you’re cool.

That was one hell of a confidence booster.

Dan zoned out and missed  the rest of the convo because goddamnit he was cool. Shans advice really worked, he played it cool and it payed off in the end.

As Dan’s brain was still processing the idea that he was cool, he heard Phil’s footsteps and realized he must’ve hung up the phone and was headed back towards the lounge, back to Dan. As this truly hit Dan, he scrambled to seem casual, natural, and cool.

“Hey, I think I’m going to head off soon, manager called my car already.” Phil said as he made his reappearance, seemingly not noticing Dan’s less than usual behavior.

“Okay, cool.”

Fucking hell don’t say cool, that makes it seem like you were eavesdropping.

Dan had been eavesdropping but he didn’t want Phil to know he’d been listening in. Already feeling the effects of guilt for being a sneaky little shit, Dan made sure to avoid meeting Phil’s gaze, although that probably just made him seem even more sketchy.

“Yeah, so, thanks for having me over, and for the whole- ya know, fake boyfriend stuff. Really saved me there.” Phil was fidgeting with his fingers as he stood awkwardly by the lounge entrance, having yet to step back into the room as he knew he’d be leaving soon.

“Oh yeah, sure. No problem, should be fun. Speaking of which, what’s the next thing we need to do?” Dan asked, unsure how to about this thing. They needed to be spotted together a lot to be seen a realistic couple, and with paparazzi swarming the both of them at the moment, it wouldn’t be hard to strike up buzz.

“Uhhh probably just more social media stuff, get people hooked. We’re ‘like a drug’ to the fans according to my agent.” Phil shifted uncomfortably as he quoted his agent, clearly as uneasy about the way it sounded as Dan was. A drug? What did that even mean?

“Sooooooooooooo should we hang out like this again sometime? Soon?” Maybe Dan was just hoping he could spend more time with Phil, but he could paint it as part of the deal and nobody would ever have to know the difference.

“Yeah, I’ll text you.” Dan simply stared at Phil because how in the hell did he have his number? Did his publicist give it to him? This whole goddamn time they could’ve been texting each other? And they weren’t?

“That was a hint for you to give me your phone so I can put my number in it.” Phil said with a chuckle.

Oh.

Dan grabbed his cell off the little coffee table, the place he’d set it down when they first started playing mario kart, and stood to hand it to Phil, trying to keep his head down so his blush wasn’t too apparent.

Of course he wants your number, you have to communicate somehow. Don’t read too much into this, don’t read too much into this, don’t read too much-

“We still need to take that picture, ya know, to make us instagram official.” Phil said, startling Dan out of his thoughts and handing him back his phone. Phil really typed fast.

“Yeah, Shannon- er my manager- will kill me if we forget. Like actually behead me, like hide the guillotine.”

Phil just laughed at his weird attempt at humor, bless his little heart.

“Alright well let’s do this thing, I’d rather like you to keep your head attached to your body.”  

Dan tapped around on his phone a little bit and pulled up the camera and both boys positioned themselves so that the lighting was okay and they could both be seen effectively.

They took a few of them together, smiles bright with Phil peeking over Dans shoulder.

And then Phil did something unexpected.

He reached his long neck over and planted a soft lil kiss onto Dan’s cheek, right over his dimple and Dan, unsure of how to react, just kept snapping pictures. And once Phil felt they had a sufficient amount to pick from with the cheek kisses, he snuggled his face into Dan’s neck and Dan just kept taking those pics, his body wanting him to have a completely different reaction.

Holy fuck.

Just as fast as Phil had attached to himself Dan he was backed away, the smile not leaving his face though.

“Sorry, hope that wasn’t awkward.”

“Oh, no, you’re fine, we’re both actors right? Totally fine. I’ll go through and find the good ones and post them later. Gotta call my mum first or she’ll be livid, ya know how it is.”

Dan was rambling, trying to make the situation seem casual when really his insides were ready to explode out of his ass.

“I haven’t even told my mom about the whole gay thing. I’m not quite sure how she’ll take it, so I just kind of… put it off.”

All Dan wanted to do was hug the guy, all the dumb crush feelings forgotten as he remembered how rough things actually were for Phil right now. Publicly outed, not even getting a chance to tell his family. It sounded like hell, yet he was handling it like a champ. Almost too well.

“That’s no good. You’ve gotta talk to your mum, call her up. Throw down the facts. If she doesn’t like it then I’ll be your mum from now on, simple as that.”

Phil laughed a little at that last part, but overall seemed uncomfortable with the idea. Dan could definitely see why, it was terrifying to think that the one person that’s supposed to love you unconditionally could turn you away simply for being true to yourself, but he also knew that finding out your son was gay from the internet was 100 times worse than hearing it from him.

“We’ll see.”

“Call me up if you need emotional support, I know a thing or two about this whole ‘coming out’ bullshit.” It had been a daunting process for Dan, no one in his family understood what being bisexual even meant, he was constantly being asked if he was sure he wasn’t just gay or just straight but in time they learned and now’s in a pretty good place with his family.

“Thanks, I might take you up on that offer. Maybe.”

“You can’t run away from your problems.”

“I can try.” Phil said with a shrug.

“You’re a mess Lester.”

“Well when you get your shit together and post on instagram, I’ll officially be your mess.”

That stopped Dan in his tracks, unable to think of a witty remark to keep up their little game because surely that was flirting. This wasn’t just Dan making up little things in his head, anyone would interpret that as flirting, right? If this was just for the public Phil wouldn’t have said that inside the confidence of Dan’s home, where nobody was around to hear them.

Lucky for Dan, the buzzer went off moments later, covering his ass.

Dan quickly moved from the lounge, where they were standing, to his little foyer, and over to the intercom.

“Hello.” Dan said into the little microphone, realizing Phil had followed him into the room only after he felt a little tickle of breath on his neck.

“I’m here to pick up Phil Lester, and no sir, this isn’t a prank.”

Dan felt just a little embarrassed as he typed in the password to open the gate. He had only been asking if he was being pranked because he’d been told the wrong day, it was a valid question at the time, now it just felt a little silly.

“Alright, well, I’ll see you later I guess.” Dan said.

“Yeah, I’ll be looking out for your instagram post.”

“You better turn on notifications.”

“Oh, I will.”

Again, Dan had a blush on his face because of Phil.

The doorbell began ringing and before he opened the door, Dan looked over at Phil and said “don’t forget about your mum, Phil,”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Dan smiled at him and Phil smiled back and then Dan opened up the door and stepped out of the way so that Phil could get through. Standing there, outside, was the same muscular man that had been with him when Phil was left at Dan’s home less than 2 hours ago.

It didn’t feel like that little of time had passed, yet it truly had been less than 2 hours. Dan waved as Phil got into his car, making it seem like a bigger thing than it was for all the people with cameras lined up behind his iron gate which he was certain were taking pictures like mad.

After Phil’s car had pulled away, Dan went back inside and immediately flopped down onto the couch and clicked the tv off from when they were playing mario kart earlier.

Dan was in deep. So incredibly deep.

This little rendezvous only furthered Dan’s suspicion that he liked Phil, like a lot. He was just as fantastic in real life as Dan had imagined which was really just a big problem.

What’s one to do when they like their fake boyfriend? That’s just a whole new level of complicated that Dan didn’t want to delve into just yet. So he just put it off, the exact thing he’d advised Phil against doing.

God, he was in so so deep. 

[peachymhaechan]

“I didn't know it’d be this hard...”

Genre: fluff, soulmate! au where you switch bodies when you turn 21 and have until the clock strikes midnight to leave clues and find your soulmate before you’re switched back into your own body

Warning: language

Pairing: Jungwoo x Reader

A/N: hey y’all, this marks the beginning of my soulmate au project! I thought that Jungwoo would be the best to start this off with because he is such a sweetheart and the definition of living fluff lol. anyways, pls enjoy this! 

it was common knowledge in your family what your soulmate quirk was 

typically, you find out what your soulmate quirk is when you’re younger

one of your friends had a little flower start growing behind her ear and it kept getting closer to blooming as the days counted down before she met her soulmate

once she met her soulmate, the flower bloomed and guess what? her soulmate had the same phenomenon happen to her

when you were little, you had to watch on the sidelines as all of your friends figured out their quirks

after a while, you had completely given up on the idea of having a soulmate

it wasn’t common to not have a soulmate, but it did happen in some cases

either someone never developed their quirk or their soulmate died

whatever the case may be, you were accepting of the fact that you didn’t have a soulmate

your friends and family tried to convince you that your soulmate was still out there

after all, your family for some odd reason had the same quirk

I mean, not everyone in your family did, but a lot of your relatives dealt with the same thing

they wouldn’t experience anything to be considered a quirk

until they hit their 21st birthday

when they’d wake up in a completely different body

wow, a very vivid out of body experience

that meant that the mind of the body you were in had to be in your body, right?

that’s exactly how it worked

and at the strike of midnight, you would switch back to your own body

so you had one whole day to figure out who your soulmate is and meet them

otherwise you could be spending the rest of your life without a soulmate

which would suck!! :(

SO

your family all tried to reassure you that that was most likely your quirk, but you had convinced yourself over the years that you’d never find them

the night before your 21st birthday, you had gone to bed early after a day of nasty a 8 AM class and work

you slept like a baby pretty much

and then you woke up on your birthday

looked in the mirror

and found the face of someone else staring back at you

holy shit

all you could think was “what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck”

after you calmed down a bit, you remembered all that your family had told you

you have all day (since it’s their birthday, too)

they’re in your body, in probably just as much of a panic as you are

you have until the strike of midnight to be in their body and lay clues around

you don’t have any of their memories/knowledge of their life

so that means you cannot go on their phone or laptop and follow yourself on social media from their account

you have to lay honest to god clues around so you can meet them

bc if you don’t find them? you won’t have them for the rest of your life

SO

this chance could not be taken for granted

deciding to make the most of this

and, ya know, FIND YOUR SOULMATE

you got up and went to the bathroom

you looked in the mirror again and found yourself looking at the face of your soulmate

he was high key adorable?? wtf

the very definition of uwu

a full marshmallow boy !! 

someone you’d look at and want to call bub

squishy cheeks!! 

cute smile !!

but you also recognized him as someone that you never would have expected like. ? 

how in the WORLD????

ANYWAYS

you were just about to leave the bathroom when you heard voices outside the bathroom

“hasn’t jungwoo hyung been in there for a while?” “yeah, I hope he’s okay haha” 

“ohhhhhh  hYUNG, OPEN UP-” and a group of young boys tumbled in after fucking,,, beating the door down

“are you okay, hyung?” one of them asked, a boy a dolphin laugh

“you look like you don't know who we are”

“listen.... to be 100% completely honest with you guys,” you started, hoping they could help you

“oh here we go, he’s going to give us some smartass response,” the tan boy rolled his eyes

“I know who you guys are but I need you all to do me a solid,” you told them

“I need you to tell me where I am right now, and I need you guys to help me get out of everything on our schedule for today,” you told them, causing them to pretty much blank

all seven of them stared back at you with no emotion

and then finally the oldest went, “you want us to... tell you where you are and... get you out of performing today?” 

“I know it sounds crazy but- you have to or else- I might not meet my soulmate...” 

luckily they didn’t ask any more questions and agreed

after all, jungwoo meeting his soulmate was on the line

the boys pulled you out to the living room where you met the other boys and told them what was going on

“so yeah... I’m not really Jungwoo right now although I mean physically I am but... his mind is in my body and mine is in his and I have to find him- er, me I guess...” 

and you were #blessed to have them on your side

they all came up with this master plan to get you out of performing that evening

they were going to have at least 5+ of them act like they came down with food poisoning so it would be pointless to have the remaining not vomiting/shitting people perform

a solid plan, tbh

“you all are truly angels and I owe you so much, thank you all so much, oh my god,” you said and started running around and kissing them all on the cheek

they all didn’t know how to react to it bc ?? jungwoo but not jungwoo ?? 

“I promise, when I find him we will take you all out for dinner, on us,” you said, which made everyone get excited and start hugging you instead 

“is there anything else I should know about him before I just wander out into the world in his body and try and find myself?” 

“he likes going to little cafes when he is stressed!” -lucas, a god and best best friend ever

so you set out (with a hat and mask on obviously, you were on a mission and this isn’t amateur hour)

and began to find your way back to your house

but bc you were in the body of nct’s jungwoo

people mcfuckin recognized you and asked for pictures

shit shit shit

you had absolutely no idea how to act around fans

like,, sure,, jungwoo might know how to verbalize heart emojis but you sure as hell didn’t

so you had a lot of interactions that went like such: 

“are you jungwoo from NCT?!” 

“yes!” 

“OMG can I get a picture with you?” 

“Of course!”

“OMG thank you, I love you so much, you’ve inspired me-” (insert rambling here)

*just nod the whole time and smile*

“thank you! you inspire me to keep doing what I’m doing!” >but very awkward

it took you well over two hours to get to your house 

and boy when you got there

it was a little difficult to explain to your parents why you were there

“hey uhhh Mom and Dad, can you let me/my soulmate’s body in the house?” 

of course they knew what was going on

so they let you in and made you food (even though you said you weren't hungry, they were more worried about feeding their future son-in-law)

“You just missed him, honey, he left twenty minutes ago to find you,” your mother told you and you shut down

“Are you kidding me?” 

“Well do you have his cell phone?” 

“Yes but I don’t know his password.” 

so cheating the quirk was out of question

“All I know about him is where the dorms are, he has a performance at this one arena, and he likes to go to small cafes when he is stressed.” 

“It might not seem like a lot, but it is a start, hon. You know what you have to do,” you father said, politely telling you to get out of the house and find him

after giving yourself a lil pep talk

(pretty much just you saying “GO GET YA MANS, HUNTY”) 

you were set:)

SO

“i’m going to get my mans”

and oh man

did you

you had a little under 10 hours left to find him

first stop: check to see if any of your friends had seen you 

you went to your best friend’s house, not giving a shit that you technically were not you

“Hey, I don’t have enough time to explain but did you see Y/N today?” 

cue best friend chilling on their doorstep in complete shock 

“uhhhhhhh yeah, she was here earlier and said she was going to the uhh. The NCT concert tonight after running around the city to find someone. I’m assuming that person is you.” 

“Yep, that’d be correct... thank you!” 

“Should I- should I tell her you stopped by?” 

well it ain’t like he can get in my phone, so no BUT

he could at least see the notification on the screen so why not?? 

it wouldn’t hurt to try

“Sure, if you don’t mind doing that. Oh, and one more thing? Can you tell her to go to the Red Ring Café after the concert? Thank you, I appreciate it!” 

fuck

at least you knew he’d be in two definite locations later: 

the café and the concert

uhhhhhhhhh the concert that you were supposed to be performing at

well you couldn’t go there, so you’d have to catch him at the café 

“I didn’t know it’d be this hard...”

the rest of the day was spent wandering around, trying to keep yourself out of the public’s eye but also trying to find yourself

so very confusing and soul crushing

the concert rolled around and you being you

managed to find yourself outside of the venue

you could hear the music and fans screaming from the outside and it killed you to know that your soulmate was in there

luckily nobody noticed you/one of the members of the band

you went to the café just as the concert was about to end

you ordered a latte and sat in the corner, eyes constantly on the door

your heart was beating out of your (his?) chest 

about five minutes before the café was going to close, and five minutes before you were going to switch back, you (he?) walked in

you ordered and after you picked up your drink, you saw him (you?)

fuck fuck fuck

you walked over and sat down across from you (wow, confusing I know)

“are you my soulmate?” you (really Jungwoo asked)

“yeah, that’s me!” you (actually you in Jungwoo’s body) said, tearing up from being so excited

you both sat there in silence, not knowing what to do

you had to admit- it was weird af to see yourself from somebody else’s eyes

but the five minutes came and went by very fast

and before you knew it

you were back in your own body, looking at your soulmate in his own body

kim jungwoo

kim jungwoo?

kim jungwoo.

kim jungwoo!

kim jungwoo was your soulmate!! 

he grabbed your hand and interlaced his fingers with yours, going full uwu

“You’re really my soulmate?” he asked, just wanting to be 100% sure 

(he also couldn’t believe that you, a beautiful human being, was meant to be his for the rest of his life) 

“Yep, I’m really your soulmate,” he confirmed

since the café was closing, y’all decided to take a walk by the river and get to know one another

after talking for almost three hours, you realized that you were glad you had a soulmate

everything had been said in total agreement

you two just... clicked?? it wasn’t like anything you had ever experienced before

“You know, I convinced myself that I would never find you, or even have you...” you told him, eyes fixed ahead

“Me, too. But I’m so incredibly lucky to have you,” he responded, looking at you (again, full uwu) 

I think it’s safe to say that you ended your birthday a pretty happy camper

for starters, you were 21!

but more importantly, your soulmate! 

your kim jungwoo! 

and you wouldn’t ask for anything more, because kim jungwoo??

the perfect gift you could have asked for

[laugh-of-the-medusa]

i found this draft for a helsa fic I’ll never write

I don’t think anyone remembers this but before my blog became really gay, I used to write Helsa fanfics/headcanons. I was going through my notes and found this draft:

“Are you ever getting married?”

Hans hates the fucking question. Just because I have twelve older brothers who are all married and have kids doesn’t mean I have to get married too.

Everyone in his family likes nagging him about (and it’s a big ass family, mind you). But, no. No way he’s giving up his wonderful life of no-strings-attached sex, the sleep-with-anyone-I-want-who-wants-to-sleep-with-me-too (consent is important, kids) arrangement. He’s the “King of One Night Stands” (no, really, that’s what the media calls him).

Of course, his parents (bless their conservative hearts) are scandalized. It’s a perfect family, with their perfect sons, and their pristine images, and their youngest kid, for whatever, godawful reason is the media’s favorite little shit to gossip about—Who’s in the king’s bed tonight?!! (Yes, that’s an actual headline.)

Something (that was obviously) drastically wrong must have occurred because, really— right now, there's only one woman in his bed, and that’s Elsa.

His parents, his brothers and their wives—even their fucking kids—absolutely love Elsa. His parents love her because she’s a renowned corporate lawyer, big name and highly demanded. She’s a hard worker, very respectable, has a great reputation, very serious. “The Ice Queen,” some like to call her. She waves a hand and hell freezes over. But she’s also really nice? Works on-site with charities and do all the sort of nice things Hans only does when he’s forced to or he has to kiss ass so people will think he’s not a complete dick.

His brothers love Elsa because the very idea of someone finally able to tame his (occasionally drunken) debaucheries is nothing short of a miracle (also remember that part where they just want him to get married?)

His brothers' wives love Elsa because— let's be honest, Elsa's probably most likable person Hans has ever met. Disliking her is like hating all that is good in life. Also, Hans would like to point out, she likes doting on his nieces and nephews. That definitely doesn’t hurt her relationship with his brothers and their families.

Everybody loves Elsa. (Including Hans, mind you. He’s a bastard and an ass and he’s lucky as fuck. And he knows it.) To reiterate: Elsa is commanding and she can be terrifying, but she’s also incredibly compassionate and sweet. She doesn’t take his shit at all and Hans likes the challenge. And, contrary to what most people believe about her being prim and proper, Elsa has a wild side— really, well, kinky streak. Like, holy actual fuck.

And let me tell you, again, that Hans knows he's lucky— he doesn't even know where to begin. He’s probably in love? That’s a thing that’s happening. Of course, at this point, Elsa is probably more likely to murder him than to say yes to a marriage proposal. Or maybe that’s his insecurities talking, but you never know, right?

Elsa hates his guts. They’re always fighting? Lots of arguments that end up in really angry sex. He likes teasing her, she likes sassing him. He’s a dickhead who doesn’t seem to understand the concept of taking things seriously and she’s... whatever the opposite of that is. Honestly, probably not the most healthy relationship out there? But they work. Oddly enough, they work. If he hadn’t already sold his soul he’d sell it again just to make her happy. But she wouldn’t ask him to because she’s Elsa, and that’s how she is. And that’s pretty much their relationship. That’s love, Hans thinks. Love is not letting your boyfriend sell his soul even though you’re on your last nerve and could rip his soul out to give it to Satan for free.

But Elsa probably won’t marry him? He hasn’t asked, but... like... Maybe their current situation works for her just fine? Yes, they’re dating. Yes, they’re in an exclusive relationship (until further notice. Note: that this is, lo and behold, Elsa’s addendum, and not his). Maybe Hans isn’t supposed to ask for more. Maybe this is his punishment? After years of spurning commitments, he’s stuck wanting to marry the one girl who probably won’t say yes. Does it even matter? Marriage is a social construct anyway.

Hans likes to blame his uncertainties on the circumstances of how they met. (Not that he isn’t grateful for those circumstances.)

Hans met Elsa through Anna.

(Oh shit, he met her through another girl? Well, you already know this isn’t going to be all puppies and flowers and rainbows or whatever the fuck is just nice and innocent and pure.)

Anna was a colleague of his and her current boyfriend, Kristoff, was his college buddy. Hans was happy for them when they started dating (they’re disgustingly cute but he can live with that).

But, okay. Here’s the thing (of course there’s a thing, what did you expect?): Before the whole “Kristanna” thing, there was a “Hanna” thing. Okay, so that wasn’t an actual thing. But it was a sort of, kind of thing. There was a party. There were some drinks involved (not too much though but, like, enough. Remember kids: Consent is important). As we’ve already established, Hans likes to sleep around. So, what happened? Answer: He and Anna fucked. Congratulations you don’t get prize for stating the obvious.

Hans made it clear that he wasn't up for relationships, and Anna said she was okay with that. Okay, cool. So, they fucked. It was great. Everyone was more than sufficiently satisfied. And even though it was no secret that she liked him, nothing changed after they parted ways. No awkwardness, nada. Thank the gods.

What Hans never counted on, of course, was Anna's hellfire of a sister. Anna was a one-night stand, and Hans didn't expect one-night stands to have sisters threatening to nail his balls to the wall because "why the fuck did you have sex with my sister when you knew she liked you!?” Well, Hans wanted to say, because it seemed like a great idea (it sort of was? the sex definitely wasn’t bad) and she said yes and he doesn’t like to disappoint and— no. Hans actually didn’t say anything because she was very, very angry and he was really, really, really scared for his balls.

His life was never quiet after that.

Elsa went from practically non-existent to being everywhere in his life. It was like she made it her personal mission to get in his way and irritate the fuck outta him (okay, so maybe she was also really hot and all the fuck in him wanted her). Look, he didn't even know Anna had a sister, or that said sister worked in the firm a floor above their office! Small fucking world, can you believe it? Shit happened. Well, technically, a lot of shit happened. But whatever. The next thing he knows they’re in an empty meeting room like two horny high school kids. He's kissing her and undressing her, and then she’s stopping him, and then she’s pushing him against the wall and blahblahblah and then she’s telling him—

"Hans, this isn't going to be some one-night stand shit, let's make one thing clear— you're mine."

“Mine” echoes in his head to the tune of his heartbeat. Really fucking fast and really fucking loud. The possessiveness was fucking thrilling. And he’s swooning— what the actual— no, you don’t understand— he’s really weak in the knees and he wants to slide down but Elsa has a firm grip on him so he’s standing and

Hans is panting and distracted, and her tongue— and that, was that smirk? and fuck— people shouldn’t be allowed to look that commanding when they’re kneeling in front of you. But Elsa looks like she can command an entire kingdom from that position anyway.

When he responds, he tries to sound cocky. Maybe regain whatever dignity he had left but, really, what the fuck does dignity even mean when you’re seeing literal stars because someone’s finger is doing wonders up your ass?

"Are you” then he chokes on his words “asking me” her tongue does something wonderful to the head of his dick “to be your boyfriend, Isengard?" At this point he’s just panting.

"I am," Elsa says it with a certainty that made Hans bite his tongue mid-moan. “And you’re going to say yes.”

(Well, how the fuck was he going to say no that?)

The thing about Hans is that he likes being in control. He fucks girls on his own terms, he has his fun, she has one of the most mind-blowing sexperience in her lifetime, then they both move on like. He’s the king of one-night stands. He’s supposed to always stay in control and be emotionally distant.

Except, it turns out, the kings bow to queens. And Elsa was pretty damned good at making him do so. (And holy fuck did that feel good.)

The rest is history.

So, now: Yes, they’re dating. Yes, they’re in an until-further-notice exclusive relationship. Yes, he’s reduced to a horny teenager in her hands and he’s really fucking in love. Yes, marriage is a social construct but he wants to marry her anyway because he likes her that much. And, yes if she says no, Hans might actually swear off sex for good because after Elsa, well, who can top that? (The answer to that, by the way, is no one. No one can top that. He sure can’t, at least.)

An epilogue, of sorts: It turns out, Hans didn’t have a lot to worry about because he and Elsa ended up proposing to each other at the same time. Finally, Hans is married and the entire Westergaard clan is so happy they’re all practically puking rainbows and sparkles. Of course, his parents would probably have an aneurysm if they learned the whole marriage thing isn’t actually as monogamous (or even heterosexual for that matter) as most traditional marriages tend to be. But, hey. What they don’t know won’t send them to their early graves, right? Hans is perfectly content and happy with the arrangement. Who knew marriages could be so fun, right?