#both of us literally cant afford to do the job next year

[ghostespresso]

wild thought what if people were actually paid to do their jobs instead of expecting them to do everything out of the kindness of their hearts? what then?

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.

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Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

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“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

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An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

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You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 

looking hot, her message read. 

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[kewltie]

sugar baby reverse au in which older!izuku used to babysit the cute kid next door but now katsuki is a famous top ranking hero and izuku is just... quirkless, aimless and not knowing what to do with his life until he meet katsuki again who is all grown up now and insisting in taking care of izuku this time around.

izuku always wanted to become a hero but having never met All Might, never got AFO, therefore he never went to UA,  so his dream never got fulfilled. though he tried desperately to find meaning in other places but it's all lacking so he moved from one job to another, constantly drifting and just feeling empty that it feels hopeless, he feels hopeless. so down on his luck and thinking of moving back home to his mom because he's nearing 30 right now and it's on his like 20th jobs so far; he hasn't settle down or find something that holds any purpose or meaning for him. it's like everything he has done so far feels so useless, like every step he took led to nowhere, like nothing he had done is nothing worthy at all.

then he bumps into katsuki after having caught in a villain attack and katsuki was the hero on scene, his life starts to take a very abrupt turn.  KACCHAN the kid next door whom he used to babysat, who had shared the same dream as izuku BUT was able to pursued and forcibly grabbed it for himself because katsuki was always so capable, so strong, and so determine... unlike izuku :((. izuku feels terribly embarrassed because he just got fired from his latest job, his rent is late that he's going to get evicted soon, and he's in shabby clothes that been worn down. he really doesnt want to face katsuki in all his glory and triumphant, the symbol of success, while izuku is the definition of failure.

that bratty kid who used to bully izuku, who even though was several years older than him cant help capitulate under the fierce tyrant demands, for being weaker, quirkless, and inferior to him in every way has every reason to mock the useless person izuku has become now. except katsuki doesn't do that, he takes in izuku's shitty condition and pretty much wrestles/harassed izuku into his home and let him 'stay' in his fancy condo until izuku can find a new job and afford a place later. this is what izuku convinces himself anyway lol because THIS IS TOO WEIRD

the kid that blew hot, saw the world as something to be conquered, and people like izuku were worth dirt under him had all grown up now, his rage and pride tempered by time, and challenged by UA. he's still mean and sharp but his edges have soften that it doesnt cut izuku the same way anymore. he abruptly extended a hand toward izuku, to offer izuku assistance in his time of need with out any posturing and mockery even though he didn't mince his words with how izuku is basically wasting away righ and if he didn't accept any help then he's A FUCKING IDIOT, katsuki sneers.

having pretty much bullied izuku into living with him because izuku may have his pride but he's also painfully aware of his wretched existence right now and that if he truly want to make something of himself, something greater he got to take katsuki's hand because this may be his last chance. so they end up living together; the most famous rookie and the one everyone is hailing as the coming of all might, and there's izuku, poor, hopeless and quirkless izuku who is older than katsuki but katsuki is literally paying for his clothes, food, rent etc providing for him!

izuku desperately tries to find a reason for his presence here in katsuki's life by like being ultra helpful—cleaning the house, cooking, grocery shopping etc like chores and houseworks which he thought katsuki would like especially the idea of izuku being subservient or show some gratitude toward him but katsuki who has been living alone for a while now and is actually very self-sufficient that he ends up cooking most of the time, cooking way better than izuku LOL, and he genuinely likes cleaning and doing houseworks and bullied izuku away from them SO HE CAN DO IT HIMSELF. like,,, izuku ends up barely doing anything because katsuki literally take CARE OF EVERYTHING FOR HIM. izuku just basically spent most of his time at home, reading up articles, hero analysis, watching shitty romcoms and documentaries, and just living THE BEST KEPT MAN LIFE while katsuki works hard to provide and take care of him. like, the words sugar daddy is never EXPLICITLY said between them or reference and both of them NEVER even consider what passes between them as that because katsuki really enjoy being an overbearing caretaker that spoil izuku ruthlessly and izuku who never been pamper and spoiled like this is just confused but also kinda guiltily happy because beside his mom he never been treated this kindly even though Katsuki’s version of taking care of Izuku is abrasive and rough but it’s kindness in the deepest way because he expects nothing from Izuku. Not even his gratitude.

izuku still worry and frets over trying to find a job, something he can do to give back to katsuki while katsuki who spent hours fighting the worst kind of ppl and trying to save ppl who need to be save, is exhausted and weary everytime until he come home and izuku is THERE. izuku who always welcome him home with smile and a greeting; his warmth presence had turned katsuki's long empty and cold condo into a home because he can now see izuku's presence in every crevasses, the All Might figurines, the heroes merch, the articles strewn all over the table, etc. his condo is messy but feels lived in now because izuku’s fingerprints is all over this place. The condo in which was just a place for him to sleep and recover is now turned into a home for him, for THEM because katsuki who loves the thrill of the fight and high of winning, can feel it all crashing down when a life he supposed to rescue is lost... but izuku is here and he can lay his tired head on izuku's comforting shoulder.

whatever this is is never completely address because it's not explicitly spoken out loud as a romantic thing and katsuki never lord the money he had spent for izuku over izuku's head but there's an underlining of time, investment, and devotion to nurture this strange nebulous relationship between them. while izuku offers a place for katsuki to rest his weary soul and to comfort and counsel him, katsuki offers izuku everything that comes with power, wealth, protection and opportunities that he wouldn't have gotten elsewhere because now Izuku can become this close to his dream to part of the hero community because Katsuki lets him inside his world.

for most it's an uneven relationship because katsuki has all the power and with just one swipe, katsuki can take it all away but in the privacy of their home, when katsuki come home tired and dragging his feet izuku says, 'welcome home' and he breathes that much easier because izuku is there for him; the warmth and affection of another human being can weathered any storm; it’s the start of their love.

[snoewolf]

Im not good at blogging.

I always assume its not worth posting and just dont do it.

Ive been pretty depressed lately. Bae has been amazing and trying to help me through it.. but sometimes.. theres nothing even he can do to make me feel better.

My birthday came and went, its always hard for me the week of my birthday ever since my exhusband served me divorce and child custody papers on said birthday. Its been a couple years, and nothing bad has happened since then.. but it still haunts me.. like im waiting on the next shoe to drop or something.

I keep catching myself treating Bae really bad even when he doesnt do anything to deserve it. He is amazing to me, and does everything for me literally treating me like a Queen. He loves my children like his own and actually interacts with them.. what more could i ask for? But when i get into these depths.. i feel myself treating him unfairly based on what happened to me in my previous relationship. He handles it well, but i know hes just as tired of it as I am.

Still no further on getting my child support from my ex.. which really sucks. I ended up having to drop out of school. They offered for me to go back in a few months.. but theres no way im going to be able to afford it. Im already working double to try to make up for how behind on my bills its made me since i started the program. This saddens me, but im trying to think of it positively.. i wasnt really happy once i was in the program and saw how hospital employees are treated... and treat each other.

My current job is amazing and works with my schedule when possible and i am so thankful for the opportunity. But. It doesnt pay very well for the amount of time im away from my kids to do said work. (How does america expect a single parent to live on $9/hr without any kind of help?!) I cant even afford rent, let along car/phone/electricity/gas/ whatever else comes with renting. My credit isnt good enough to buy anything not to mention wouldnt be approved simply for how many cobwebs are in my bank account.

SO ive been looking for a second job, or a better paying job. I found a second job that pays better.. and offers health insurance! Ive been looking for months and finally got a call for an interview. It happened to be on my day off. How great is that?! So of course i went, theyre paying amazingly! I got there and along with 4 other people, they start showing us around. I thought that was weird.. ive had interviews with this company before and never was shown around the whole place.. but i just accepted it because ive never had an interview with this specific location. We go to the back and im ready for the interview! They start handing us company vests and work tools... im a little confused until they had out schedules. I got the job! Wait... this isnt an interview.. this is orientation! Oh snap! What am i suppose to tell my current job?! Luckily my current job hadnt put out the next weeks schedule yet so i was able to alert my manager as soon as i got out of the building.

Unfortunately, she was not happy. Granted, had it been up to me.. i would have much rathered given a heafty warning.. i dont like to leave any job on bad terms (and so far havent 🤞🏻) so i let my manager know im being trained for this second job for the next two weeks and i cant mess with those days but it doesnt effect my current job at all this week.. which is all i have a schedule for.. she doesnt think she should have to work around another jobs schedule when i worked here first.. i agree.. but.. in my shoes.. this other job is a better opportunity for -me-, for -my- bills for -my- family. So she told me she fixed it for the next two weeks but wasnt happy about it.

Sooooo.

Im now working the next 14 days straight and even at two jobs in the same day.. 🤦🏻‍♀️ im gonna hate myself for sure. But! My daughters birthday is next week and i need to buy her more than the only gift i currently have for her. And Christmas is right around the corner! I need to catch up my car payment and keep my phone bill current and not late... not to mention gymnastics/dance/and boyscouts that i dont want to take away from my kids because its not their fault im poor.

So luckily today hasnt been too awkward at my job but i did tell Bae that depending on how petty they decide to be over the next two weeks depends on if i keep 2 jobs or focus solely on the new one that pays so much better. So. We'll see. Id like to have both at least until Christmas so i can get some presents under my tree.

I guess thats as good of an update as i got currently. Whoopwhoop.

[jackalopefreckles]

I feel like Ive aged at least 6 years since covid started. Im angrier. Less adapted to being outside then I used to be- which is saying a lot. This time last year I was?? Actually healthier mentally then I had ever been and looking forward to having the house alone for a month which?? Was the most freedom I wouldve ever had.

A lots fucking changed. I drove halfway across the country- all 30 hours at once with my big brother AND two elderly dogs, plus my cat. All animals on too many drugs (the vet said they couldnt overdose, and then failed to give any further instruction) cami peed on herself twice, unable to move. I had to waterboard her in Phoenix, a truly terrifying hell city where all the roads are raised and overlapping and its a hot as shit cause its?? What june?? Time was so fake this year I mustve just been stoned the whole time till I ran out of weed, and since moving its been a relief to be able to turn off the spinning anxious thoughts for a few hours

my big brother joined us. He brought a new dog with him which?? Is always a lot, plus I have this pack of dogs now cause the puppy wouldnt leave the super cancer ridden dog alone, and Im able to get her cbd regularly here, so shes always comfortable now instead of just?? Sometimes which is a lot nicer. We didnt think shed make it to chrisrmas. I thought shed die with me home alone to take care of everything, like always. It was almost a relief, I wouldn't have to coach my brother through the grieving process at least, and I had already finished. Its hard now even, for me to realize she might even have another christmas (but I wont hold my breath)

I feel safer going outside here then I did in Austin. I only went out a handful of times in texas, for the last few months I was ordering almost all groceries, and only going to the store once mask mandates were mandatory (theyre not anymore. Im so worried for texas. I missed a huge freeze by mere months. I dont think my elderly dogs wouldnt survived it. If I was alone with them, Im not sure I woudlve.

My parents took my brother to mexico with them. I begged them not to go, told them how irresponsible it was to travel across boarders. To visit an island and take all the plane germs with. I told them that even if my mom and brother were staying at home all day with me, my dad was still going to work and he didnt know what his coworkers were doing. That they wouldn't know what the people on the plane were doing. That at any point they could become the stupid americans that killed half an islands population.

They left a week after today last year. The boarders were closed the next day. Their friend has been traveling back and forth ever since. I have no idea how, except for the fact shes white and rich and wont hesitate to destroy a child, so I can only imagine how shed treat costomer service.

I will no longer allow this angry aggressive woman to ever make me feel bad, and I will allow myself to finally fight back. Im an adult, maybe not all the time (cause lets be real I'll always be a bit too eccentric for most) but when I get angry and allow myself that anger, it's not a bad thing. Anger doesn't have to make me feel like Ive done something wrong. Im usually very just in my actions, and I wont allow my parents influence to tell me all anger is misdirected and hurtful for reasons I couldnt understand. Its okay for me to be angry.

I think being alone with animals for months is at least reassuring that my childhood was unreasonable if nothing else. Which of course is a silly polite society term for pretty fucked, if nothing else.

My aunt had to gall to say weve had a good 2020 cause our family wasnt hurt, and I had to walk away from the zoom call. I haven't attempted communication with any of them since, not that I normally do. Of course none of us died, all rich old white people, most of them retired and able to stay home all day (not that all of them did, I learned about my grandfathers routine and just.. Im honestly surprised no one got it yet. Of course I knew from the beginning if anyone was gonna get it and die, it probably wouldve been me. Hence the 8 months of solitude before the move.

Was the move in August?? Im so unsure about time. Even with 2020 vision.

I tried to date when I moved here. Strictly on tinder. What was the point? On and off testosterone due to the wonders of texas, hadnt changed my body nearly as much as they should've a year after being on them. I look much more handsome now. Im also allowing myself to toss gender aside completely. He/him doesn't mean man, and they/them dont mean nonbinary, so why not mix them since Im?? Not really either.

It wasnt even a thought process like that to start. Much more "this is nice" which I think more gender should be allowed to be. Dont gotta be deep just comfortable.

I wont ever allow my parents to forget what they did. I ended up with three dogs I didnt want (I was so looking forward to not having any dogs) and I ended up taking care of my brother. Again. Its easier without my parents at least. Everything always is. My dogs are even happier. Cami finally isnt anxious 24/7. Again, a sad reminder my childhood wasn't great. Daisy is healthier. Trauma can be stored emotionally or with health issues, often both. I think the cancer dog getting better and?? Surviving and thriving so much longer then the vet said (how good was my old vet?) Is another unfortunate nail in thay proverbial coffin.

Im not as soft and openly loving. Im even more touch starved somehow. Harsher. I still want to choose love and compassion, but Im not letting myself fall into the trap of being so nice people wont be nice to you. Fighting back is something I wont feel shameful about, because it never stopped me from doing it completely anyway.

I was already reaching this on my own though. This was just more coffins, more nails. This didnt need to happen. We know our government let this happen. Its still letting it happen. Im not sure when Im getting my vaccine. My big brothers sick of quarentine and keeps trying to get us to go out. Sometimes I yield, and we go to a park, or the top floor of the parking garage. I get a vegan hotdog from nearby. We talk and laugh and were genuinely just. Boys being boys.

I shouldn't have to deal with parent shit anymore. I do though, especially since two out of three are unemployed and we can really only afford to live here cause of them (they owe me if anything though. Especially with my brother and these animals) I hope I can get a job soon. Or maybe even go back to school. Im lucky I had so much saved up (for top surgery, which I guess wont happen before Im 25 like I really tried for. I wouldve done it before now, but texas waitlists and rules kept holding me up. I literally went to an appointment in dallas, a 4 hour drive, just to found out the surgeon canceled on me for the second time)

Its incredibly depressing, and I know Im lucky to have had that stash. So many people didnt have anything and lost so much. People lost people. Half a million at this point. I remember when it got to 300,000 and I just?? Felt so awful it was so close to how many people we lost to AIDS. Its over that by so many now. It doesn't really stop, does it??

Is that catholic guilt?? Or maybe just irish guilt in general. Is it something I inherited or earned through all the end of the worlds and once in a lifetime recessions Ive been through. Im not sure how many off the top of my head, theyve been coming since I was so small and its always more and more. Im not even catholic anymore. I cant stop being irish though, even though the brits tried (and succeeded. Weve lost a lot. The current royal cotastrophy is bullshit as well, the only person who deserves a royal title is from Meniappolos

My home is decorate all inside for st patrick's day. My big brother loves it so Im going all out, and its def making me feel much more irish then usual (which is a lot Im over half)

I think I just wanted to say Im not the same. I hope I can still be happy an obnoxious is public. I wonder if I remember how

[strawberryspeachy]

So on the last day of july i went clubbing

Almost immediately met a cute boy and he asked me to go to a hotel with him. I debated but ultimately went with him. He asked if i wanted to go on a date because fucking japanese assholes equate date with hotel.

Went. Hooked up. Then. He said he wanted to go back to the club because otherwise “it would be a waste of his night”

Yeah

So... went back.... watched him look for another girl. And felt like shit

Eventually a boy that was ok looking talked to me. I didnt ignore him and he got excited over me talking to him after having ignored other boys. I didnt intend to continue talking to him but he was so excited the entire time and was nice so i just stayed with him.

We left together and sat on some sidewalk and talked. I saw that both his arms had cut marks all over them

And as a fucked up person... i stupidly think that other fucked up people will be as empathetic as i try to be and my depressed friends back home

He told me some of his shitty homelife - apparently he doesnt have parents

He asked me to go to a hotel with him and i said no... so we went to eat instead...

He kept being overly nice (in words) told me that he works at an old folks home and that he wants to learn english and come to america and help me take care of my mom.... in a sudden way

Rationally im not stupid and know that was a line. But im pretty stupid in general

He kept asking me to be his gf and i told him id need to go on a date with him to decide that

I just wanted to say no but...

He didnt pay for my meal - ya im one of those girls that that bothers

We seperated and he continued to text my the next few days. We set up a date. He asked me to go to him in yokohama - an hour away from tokyo

Since id never been there i said yes. But this meant i had to pay an expensive train ticket

He did pay for dinner and afterwards convience store for me... mostly... asking if i had change

He wanted to drink at the pier and insisted i get a drink but didnt pay for it

And then took me back to his apartment

It ended up being fun

The next morning while he was showering i was just poking around at his stuff. Not actually looking for anything just curious about the things he has

I looked at his wallet (honestly to see the design but i also always wonder why japanese guys are so comfortable leaving money around who is generally a stranger)

And then. I found. Picture from a photobooth. Him amd soem girl. It was dated from a week before.

He told me the night we met that he broke up with his ex a year ago. But this picture looked very much like a couple

I asked him about it and he just said sorry and threw it in the trash (not a real trash. It could easily be taken out) he said it was from a year ago

After. Bit i took it out amd pointed at the date. He literally hummed and refused to comment ...but he told me hell only see me...

I shouldn’t take that as enough but i did and told him when i got home that ill only se him too. I told him i liked him - and to this point he kept saying he likes me over and over. He has not said it since this. Just said he was happy that i used his name.

After that i went to okinawa for a few days. He told me his sim card broke and he doesnt have wifi unless he goes to a convience store (as an excuse to text slow)

I got back the next week and stayed home all week from a yeast infection that i think he gave me. When he barely responded i told him that

Then he responded continuously telling me that i just got it on my own and hes healthy so it wasnt him

That weekend i went drinking with some friends and messaged him. He responded immediately and i called him. Asking when his phone got fixed. He told me the day before

Then he told me he has pink eye and sent a picture. He said he cant go out of his house because of it

The next week was my birthday. He said hed be cured the day after and we could celebrate. Then he cancelled saying the doc told him hes still contagious

A few days after he sent me a picture of him with makeup on and contacts in saying he went to the salan. I responded immediately asking if he was still contagious and tried to call. He ignored me

I tried to call more throughout the day

Nothing

Over 24 hours pased so i used another account to say hi to him. After 2 hours he responded to the fake account asking who it was

And i flipped the fuck out. I told him a bunch of reasons why he sucked and that he did and fuck him

Then he responded to me with long messages. Many of which i couldnt understand (hes used incorrect kanji before that which makes translation strained)

His excuse was that he felt sick and slept for 20 hours (but he ignored me for over 27)and that he wanted to answer his texts in order. That he doesnt look at him phone much and then got mad at me for not being worried about him and instead getting mad

He didnt addresss any of my complaints like the fact that if im his gf i should be a priority

But because im a sucked i felt bad for trying to hurt him and apologized.... he said hed forgive me if i buy him an accessory next time we hung out...

Yeah. Red flags. I too if i had other options... would have said. Thats a weird way to accept an apology.

Also before (on that first date) when we talked about our bdays cause his was a bit before mine. I asked him what hed wanna do as a late celebration. He immediately told me he wanted yakiniku (an expensive meat meal) and clothes or accessorys from an expensive brand he likes...

So he continued to take over 24 hours to reply to me. With very small responces - he never asks me questions. I asked him to call the night before i went camping and he said he couldnt because he was too drunk from drinking with friends. I went camping and came back and got him on the phone. I demanded him to call and he said he couldnt cause he was tired from work and would the following day

I told him it makes me upset that he doesnt talk to me and that i constantly dont feel good because of him. He just said sorrry. I planned to say this is over if he didnt agree to meet me. But he agreed to a date the coming sunday... the day before i began work again. He said hed come to tokyo and and had a plan. It sounded fun.

Well come sunday morning.... he cancelled. He said he didnt have money. I tried to call him several times and he ignored me.

I confronted him in person. He got mad at me for it. Said he got some sort debt collection and got frauded... someone used his name to take out money and he has to pay court. He said he doesnt have money because of it.

I asked why he never tells me whats going on with him (because im dumb and beleive this... actually i dont. I hope hes being honestly and just has really bad luck but)

This time like last time i told him the way he treats me is how really awful boys who are using me and playing with me treat me. And i cant trust him if hes like this but doesnt tell me why

Well...i was there... i offered to pay for out date.... besides the 11 dollars it takes to get to him

He asked me to put 5 dollars on his train card.... it takes 3 dollads to get to and from where we went. He... mad sure no matter where we would eat it would cost 40 bucks - wanting to drink alc and such. It costed 43 dollars. He wanted starbucks but i kinda said no by saying i dont rlly like starbucks - but he still wanted to get a dessert - 3 dollars

And... he wanted me to buy him that aftermentioned accessory... a ring. He looked at very expensive ones... i... would not have paid for even as stupid as i am.. the one he got was 15 or 25 I forget which...

The thing is... if he wasnt actually... if i wasn’t comfortable being with him i woulda stopped this before... unfortunately. As usual. Despite initially not being attracted to him i really enjoyed his company and find him to be fun...

He said that we should go home at 8 i asked about going back to him place and he said no because hes tired and has work the next day. He knows i also do too. At the same time. And i tried to convince him and he kept saying no. Then i asked doesnt he wanna have sex. He said that we should go to a hotel. And i protested that hotels are expensive and his apartments free and just a cheap train station away. He said hes too tired and just wants to sleep at his apartment but hotels are exciting so hed be awake at a hotel.

He pushed them and i said at that point id be spending like 100 dollars on the day and he knows i also dont have a lot of money.

We awkwardly went to a manga cafe that was only 5 dollars but it wanted you to make a card that costs 5 more dollads. And then i got fussy because too much stress literally makes me lose control of my emotions.

It fucking sucks and i hate it. I have no fucking control over my emotions when my stress is bubbling (which it almost always is) and boils over.

I asked him if he can even pay just the 5 dollars and he said he has no money. I asked how hes gonna get to work with literally no money and he said his conpany pays for it (yea japanese conpanies pay AFTER you go )

We left. It was a bad mood. He didnt storm away from me even though i was basically crying in the street (i have had this happen with even friends. I start crying and they just walk away so even though it should be expected of someone claiming to be your bf... ya)

Anyhow i told him i just wanted to cuddle and talk and kiss

He looked annoyed but i guess he thought those wants were cute and looked for a isolated place

Because were in japan

Couldnt find one cause we were in a city and he again just started saying lets go home. That hes tired and not in the mood.

But we were in a quiet enough play.

And im bitching here but ill take a quick break to say i kept hugging him and stuff which he liked despite saying he was really embarrassed

He told me ealier ok that because of this debt thing hes gonna work two jobs

Which. Terrified me. The first guy I went on a date with in Japan asked me to be his gf and to move in with him and said he had to work two jobs for a month to afford to move so he wouldnt have time to see me. He told me his progress for two weeks and then ghosted me.

This boy told me hell make time to see me when i complained about not doing anything physical when i wouldnt see him again for who knows how long

Welp. Todays saturday and that was sunday. And while at first i thought he was trying because he replied to my messages in or at 24 hours for a few days. Its gone back to the 17 hours

And i asked him to talk on the phone

And he just said not tonight because after his current job hes working at home too

And because im dumb ive waisted my whole saturday waiting for him to reply and crying.

[lovelyparkers]

hard as nails (1)

hi hi 50k special!! this is gonna be either two or three parts and it's a lot different from what i've written before but i think y'all are gonna like this anyways so... i hope y'all do enjoy this

summary: being a teenage vigilante can be fun, especially when you're on the bad side and spider-man is your nemesis. 2k words

warnings: swearing, reader is a saucy and spicy little villain, peter is a blushing mess sometimes, angst, fight scenes!! violence!

you never expected to get in the way of queens well renowned hero—spider-man. that is until you had to relocate to queens from the bronx. it was...definitely a change from all aspects. your dad moved out with you, wanting a better place to go to school for you, since you had been leaving home very often for...you know, villainous duties. yet you were an extraordinary student, which led to you being enrolled in midtown school of science and technology. as well as having to scope out queens at night and having several run ins with the spider-man.

the worst part, you know you went to school with the masked hero because you frequently saw him entering the roof of the school in his suit. now you, you were way more careful and you worked alone, besides for a woman in her 30's who had taken you under her wing, trained you, and demanded you commit crimes for her and for yourself. she was the base operation and you did everything she asked, even when you moved, she moved. you were like her little goon. you excelled in combat and had unusually incredible strength due to being caught up between some dangerous radioactive weaponry in your sophomore year back in the bronx. you began junior year at midtown in queens, you made some friends, but knew to keep your distance. spider-man had become your main and pretty much only focus since you arrived. you know what they say, keep your friends close but your enemies closer.

you didn't want to hurt or kill spider-man, you just wanted to make his life absolutely miserable. that's how you worked, manipulate and mess with, not murder. you stole pretty much anything you could get your hands on because well, you were broke. you beat people up, robbed stores, manipulated civilians, and threatened people. yeah. your dad could barely afford meals for you both and lived in a very rusty apartment. but hey that's life and you were making it through. well, illegally. you told your dad you got a job at night in queens when you began showing up with money and clothes and food and god knows what else. it was a perfect alibi for a father who really didn't even give a shit.

and this spider-man, oh this lovely beautiful boy, was getting in your way. you were just trying to survive right? that and doing things for this mystery woman. and gosh did you want to find out who was behind the mask. it was obviously a boy your age. every night you tried to find him, meet up with him, talk and find out about him and of course, fight each other. he never hurt you though and you knew he had a soft spot for you. maybe it was your flirty nature.

and now you were on a rooftop at midnight, sitting with your nemesis.

"violet," spider-man called out, "nice to see you again."

your 'villain' name was violet because of the violet mask you bought from party city awhile ago. it was...fitting. and a pretty name that sounded so good coming from his mouth. you may have had a little tiny teeny crush on him. he looked fantastic in that suit and imagined what was underneath. little did you know he did the same about you. black leather pants and a black and violet zip up top matching your mask.

"hey spidey! catch any criminals tonight?" you asked.

"mmm none yet because you're out here."

"awe baby am i distracting you?" you walked over to him, close enough for him to rip off your mask.

"kinda," he replied, masked eyes slanting down.

"well tell me about yourself before you get in my pants. who is spider-man."

"wouldn't you like to know. is violet your real name?"

you scoffed, "do you think i'm dumb?"

"no i just- no."

you took your hand bringing it up to lay on his shoulder and slowly and teasingly dragged it over his abs.

"you're really ripped babe."

"don't babe me, you know i can take you."

"oh so you think you can take me? what about that one time i had you pinned down outside your school."

"how do you know i go to midtown," he asked in a panic.

"i knew it! so you do go there! i've seen you entering through the roof. watch yourself."

he grabbed your hand, locking it with his own. he stared at your signature red nail polish which made his head run wild.

"i've got you now. you watch yourself."

you twisted your wrist and swept a leg under his causing him to fall, but he caught you and brought you down with him. you fell on top of him with a groan.

"damn spidey. getting right into it are we?"

"shut up," he said and rolled over so he now had you pinned down on the roof.

he twisted his head at you, eyes focused on your face and you neatly done hair in two dutch braids. you noticed his distracted state and smirked pushing him over so now you straddled his waist and pinned his arms to the roof. just like before.

"still distracted i see?"

"well i cant help it sometimes. even though i'm supposed to hate you."

"awe spidey. you're so sweet. but you know i'm not gonna let you go."

you leaned down into him to whisper in his ear, "you're too pretty underneath me."

he strained his neck back, melting because of you, "stop," he demanded.

"no," you said jokingly then pressed a kiss on the cheek of his mask. you didn't know it but the boy was blushing underneath. you got up and let him get up to follow you. you walked to the other side of the roof, showing off your hips.

"don't get into any trouble tonight, whatever your name really is."

"sure thing babe."

he jumped off the roof backwards, watching you then swinging away.

—————————

you arrived to school the next day with a little more intuition about the masked hero. his voice was distinct. it was higher than most boys, and you doubted he used a voice changer because it would have that staticky feedback. and you swore you had heard that voice somewhere, but you couldn't put your finger on it.

"hey y/n," peter parker, you chem lab partner said smiling and sitting down next to you.

you hesitated, "hi...peter."

you gave you a confused smile and opened his books.

you think you have your guy. huh. easy as that. you tapped your red nails on the desk.

you scribbled up a note to spider-man and well, peter. after lab and working closer with peter, you realized his demeanour and actions were very similar to spidey, further proving your hypothesis. you followed him to his locker, close behind him, and waited by a water fountain till he left his locker, then slipped the note in.

at the end of the day peter headed to his locker, opening it when a note fell out. he picked it up and looked around the hall. the note read:

hi spidey. i know it's you. and gosh it's about time. meet me on top of the tall apartment complex on grand central parkway tonight at 9. thanks petey xoxo, violet

it was written in purple ink and adorned with a red heart next to your name. oh shit. he was fucked.

when peter got home he was panicking. this villain went to school with him. a literal manipulative villain. and you were his age! he wondered if he knew you. you obviously knew him.

————————

peter showed up to the spot at exactly 9 pm to find you in your suit. upon his impact, you jumped up, running to greet him.

"oh peter! you made it. i'm so glad because i—"

he grabbed both of your wrists tightly and put his face in yours, "how? how did you find out."

you gulped, "you're not a very careful person peter."

he ripped off his mask, there was no point.

"look at me," he demanded and you gladly did. you bit your lip at the sight of his messy brown locks and stern brown eyes. was he always this hot when he was angry?

"you can't tell anyone. and i know that won't stop you, but guess what? every time we hang out and fight and you flirt or whatever, i could easily rip off that mask, what, is it from the dollar store? or—"

"party city," you cut him off.

"stop! listen to me! i could've easily ripped off your mask at any time. but i don't. i never do. you know why? because you're different. your funny and you don't actually hurt me but i have to stop you because you hurt others. and-and you're so cool but you're a villain. and you're really pretty even though i can barely see your face and...yeah. now that i know you go to my school, i know you're someone like me. you're just a troubled kid who got caught up in the wrong crowd. but you're the bad one. and i'm sorry and i like spending time with you but you can't do this to me."

you gulped again, looking down at your feet. you could tell he meant what he said. and like you had always promised, you never wanted to deliberately hurt spider-man. or peter.

"i-i'm so sorry. i shouldn't have—i'm sorry."

"it's okay, just promise me you won't tell."

you reached your hand up to touch his cheek, red nails stroking his skin, "i promise."

"thank you."

"i should go. i'm sorry peter."

you hopped off the roof and he watched you leave. you had to go meet up with your head lady who was named daria. she told you to expose spider-man and get him off your radar, but you made a promise and now you were kinda scared.

"so, did you find him?" daria asked.

you hesitated, "no, not exactly."

she walked over to you and slapped you across the face.

"i'm disappointed in you. you find him or else i cant deal with you anymore."

you just stood there.

"say something!"

"i cant find him," you lied, "it's impossible."

"you're lying. i know you are boyfriend girlfriend with him. it's all over the news. you get him tomorrow night. nothing more."

"yes daria."

you left her shady apartment and headed straight home, done for the night. she genuinely scared you and you were worried she was going to kill you if you didn't turn peter in. but you couldn't do that to him? could you?

the next morning during chem lab you were late. you joined peter at your table. you had a wicked purple and yellow bruise on your face, which peter took notice of. it was from daria.

"y/n oh my god, are you okay?" he asked pointing to your face.

"'m fine," you replied covering the bruise with your hand. peter watched your fingers cover the bruise. your painted, red, fingernails.

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas : Quirk Ranking (Parts 1 and 2)

Also on AO3!

TL;DR: Quirks ranked are ranked by risk level, these ranks are stored in chips placed right next to the brain stem. People on both ends of the spectrum are suffering, but its all for the sake of safety.

Right?

Part 1: Background

Ok so, the Quirk ranking AU

When you are born, you are given a chip. This chip can be read by scanners in places like shopping centres, government buildings, hospitals etc.

It will have a rank on it, as well as an ID number. ID numbers can only be read by government official scanners in government buildings, prisons, and the rank updaters

America, Japan, China and Dubai are the only countries to mandate chipping, most other countries have outright banned it and a violation of human rights. People from these other counties are given a traveller’s chip in a bracelet they need to keep on them at all times.

These chips open doors, literally. You can’t ride the train without one, can’t enter schools or hospitals or public areas. Removing your chip is seen as something only the worst villains do; like you’re trying to erase yourself from society.

Blanks and Metallics have the highest rate of villainy out of the other rankings, but metallics and blanks are very rare overall. Still, it doesn’t help their perception and these numbers are touted frequently by chipping supporters.

Quirk ranking isn’t objective! Quirk ranking is often influenced by the bias of the doctor, like All might’s quirk being ranked low because he was so nice and heroic, and Shinso’s being ranked too high because the doctor was scared of it.

About the ranks

Blanks (5% of Population)

Just called blanks or quirkless. Its what everyone’s chip reads unless/until their quirk comes in some “high risk” areas will deny entry to blank chips because of “risk”. Because everyone thinks of blanks as kids, not the quirkless, these laws are rarely disputed. Allowing entry of blanks into private businesses is a higher insurance cost so some areas can't afford to let the quirkless in, or use it as an excuse to turn them away.

It was originally the opposite, people with quirks were kept away from the quirkless because they were apparently an inherent risk. Propaganda from the times was along the lines of “You’d watch a tiger. Just because it hasn’t bitten anyone doesn’t mean it doesn’t want to” and “Chip them like the dogs they are.” This has been heavily covered up in recent years as an ugly part of Japan’s past.

Little kids celebrate getting their quirks in as they can now enter 90% of areas rather than 30%. Some places like arcades, gyms, dojos will ban blanks from entering full stop, no exceptions.

Colour Spectrum (90% total)

Blue/Purple (22% Population)

Non-threatening. Cant be used to harm people directly, includes a lot of animal mutant quirks and those without obvious offensive abilities.

Can be teased as kids but don’t tend to face any real discrimination (blues can be exceptions as some schools/jobs will find reasons not to hire them). If they become heroes they are typically children’s heroes.

The quirk doesn’t need to be weak to be ranked low, simply needs to have a low-risk factor, but many people view them as weak because they lack offensive capability. UA has been trying to change the entrance exam for years to allow these ranks to have a fighting chance but the heroic’s commission won't have it.

Green/Yellow/Orange (60% Population)

These quirks are very useful and the most well-liked, and least mistreated. Strong and simple to understand, medium risk. Easy to contain.

Most heroes are in this area of the rankings, but people with these quirks tend to do well whatever carrier they take.

Orange quirks are a little bit “scarier”. Either they are more difficult to contain or have uncomfortable aspects like mental quirks, blood control, etc. Still, they don’t tend to be treated badly.

Red (8%)

The start of the “Scary” quirks. These quirks are very strong, even from a young age and have inherently violent capabilities, but are still ranked low enough that they aren’t too feared, and there are no restrictions placed on their chips.

Kids with red quirks are the top dogs of the school. They get away with a lot too, with quirks strong enough to be hard to deal with but not so strong that 2 adults can’t control them.

Basically, the limit for this is “could 2 heroes take you out if you were a villain?” and if yes, it's red.

Reds sometimes have damaging backlash, often what keeps them out of bronze (i.e., navel laser)

Metallics (5% total)

Bronze (4%)

Now these quirks can do some damage, these are the start of the movement restrictions, but most in bronze view them as badges of pride. Bronze chips cant enter places like hospitals, daycares and nursing homes without taking quirk control classes. It's pretty common for bronze kids to take a week off in kindergarten to get them all out of the way so they can get their permissions updated.

There is a mix of fear and respect from bronze quirks, they are either seen as top dogs or villains in the making. Being a hero is a top job choice for people with this ranking.

All might’s quirk was ranked bronze when he entered the playing field, but many people theorise it should have been ranked gold. Still, All might helped the popular perception of metallics in the country, making them far more popular.

Silver (.8%)

These quirks aren’t popular. Heroics is seen as the only respectable career for them, even with quirk usage classes some hospitals won't let them enter. It’s rare they will be attacked due to their strength but people are often afraid of them, many bosses won't hire them because they “pose a risk” 

Gold (.2%)

Same as silver really, very very rare.

Monochrome (So low it can’t be estimated, around 0.0000000001% of all quirks)

Black (???% - presumably more common than white)

There are no recorded black quirks in Japan so there are no current restrictions.

White (???% - presumably less common than black)

All for One is the first recorded white quirk in the world, and currently, the only person to hold such a rank.

Restrictions are extreme. No quirk scanners will let them enter, mostly just because the only person with a white quirk is a 200-year-old bogey man of a villain.

Most of the character's quirk's official rankings:

White: All for one, One for All (Izuku's time, with the addition of black whip + the other 6) Black: N/A Gold: (One for All at All Might's prime, but he never updated his quirk ranking) Silver: Half Hot Half Cold, Creation, Voice, Portal Bronze: Explosion, Dark Shadow (ranked for his poor control as a child), Mind Control (was only ranked this high because the doctor was prejudice), Overhaul, Fierce wings, One for All (All Might's Offical ranking) Red: Navel Lazer, Acid, Electricity, Twice, Mustard Gas, Blade Tooth, Compress Decay, Cremation, Muscular, Hell Fire Orange: Cement, Engine, Zero-G, Sugar Rush, Earphone Jack, Chronosatsis, Elasticity Yellow: Somnambulist, Blood Control, Harden, Transform, Magnesis, Blood Curdle Green: Frog, Clone, Dupli-Arms, Pop off, Mimicry, Air Jet Blue: Erasure, Tail, Tape, Foresight Purple: High Specs, AniVoice, Love Blank: (Izuku's original official ranking, Yagi's original official ranking)

Part 2: Plot

So Izuku has been ranked as blank his whole life, then he suddenly gets a quirk. All Might asks him when he's going to get his chip updated and Izuku looks at him with steel in his eyes. 

“I’m not going to. I’m going to be the number one with a blank chip and show them how stupid their system is.”

Yagi is so proud of his boy and they have a cute little moment

On the day of the entrance exam, Izuku isn’t sure the doors will let him in, but they do thankfully.

When Izuku blasts the zero pointer into itty bitty pieces the teachers look at his file and share a “wtf” look with each other because this kid is meant to be quirkless.

After the quirk assessment, Aizawa asks Izuku about it and he sheepishly explains his quirk came in super late and that he wants to prove people with blank chips aren’t worthless.

Aizawa tries not to smile and tells him to hurry up and get better at controlling his messed-up quirk.

And Izuku does. He gets fully cowl before the sports festival because Aizawa throws a few tips around and it clicks a little earlier

Present Mic hears about Izuku sticking it to the ranking system and quickly decides this kid is amazing.

With his silver ranking, no other school would let him teach. He couldn’t visit Aizawa in the hospital after the USJ until he was moved from the ICU, and people always said he’d become a villain.

He knows silver restrictions are mild compared to blank but he empathises and is quietly cheering him on.

The only students in 1A that know he has a blank chip are Uraraka, Iida, Todoroki and Bakugo

Iida and Uraraka saw him get barred entry at a store and he had to sheepishly explain. He confessed to Todoroki at the sports festival. Bakugo has known him his whole life.

Well, that is until the licensing exams.

See, the doors lock on him. They won't let someone with a blank chip enter the exam. Izuku is crying a little because it's embarrassing and he doesn’t want the class to know.

In a show of solidarity that he’ll never admit to, Bakugo refuses to enter until Izuku is cleared to go in. When the rest of 1A find out about it, they refuse to enter as well. They stand shoulder to shoulder around Izuku daring the proctors to say anything rude to him.

After seeing this Inasa doesn’t go after Todoroki as hard in the exam, they manage to talk it out just prior to the last part, they still fail because they are both kind of out of it but they end the exam on good terms.

The heroics commission is on UA’s ass, pressing them into getting Izuku’s quirk graded because he's a “danger” and “a wildcard”

This pressure increased after black whip manifested during the camp attack, and after the villains kidnapped him and Bakugo

UA tries to shield Izuku from this as much as possible, only the first quirk assessment is mandatory and doesn’t need to be updated after the age of 6, it's optional after that. Izuku keeps seeing his mother throwing away important looking documents but he doesn’t ask why.

He overhears Ectoplasm telling Nezu and Aizawa it would just be easier to make him get his chip updated so the heroics commission stops threatening to pull their funding

Aizawa and Nezu are mad, and Izuku feels a little better but he still feels super guilty about the whole thing

The villains tried to play into the “you’ve both been mistreated because of your ranking” it doesn’t work at all.

By the time we get to the Overhaul arc, Izuku has manifested 4 of the previous holders’ quirks and the heroics commission is crying out for his chip to be updated, calling parallels to AFO but Nezu politely tells them to go fuck themselves.

Nighteye never once mentions Izuku’s blank chip and he's very grateful for that.

The 8 precepts are very interested in him, his multiple quirks and late manifestation may be able to help with the eradication of quirks.

The first time Izuku sees Eri, a chip reader in a store goes off because she doesn’t have one. He refuses to give her back to Overhaul, they take her back to Nighteye

Nighteye is furious until Izuku explains the girl doesn’t have a chip. That either means she has never been entered into the schooling/medical/government systems or its been illegally removed. He tells him he still shouldn’t have done that but it wasn’t a bad call.

That night, on his way back to UA, Izuku is taken by the 8 precepts.

They are furious and they know exactly how to ruin his life.

Using one of their contacts in the heroics commission, they get his chip updated to what the heroics commission thinks it should be.

Izuku wakes up, hurt and feeling violated and sore. He's covered in weird markings from Overhauls quirk but has no memory of it being used on him

Confused, upset and afraid he uses his quirk to run back to UA. Upon reaching the gate, it slams shut and alarms start blaring.

He breaks down sobbing.

1 minute later the staff of UA rush to the gate, expecting AFO to have broken out of prison for revenge. Instead, they see Izuku, covered in scares, battered with parts of his hero costume missing, sobbing on the ground.

Nezu checks his emails.

“Thank you for allowing us to update Midoriya Izuku’s ranking chip. His new ranking is: White. Have a nice day.

- The Heroics Commission of Japan”

[khadij-al-kubra]

Imagine, if you will, FtM single dad Patton and little anxious kid Virgil. Based off of “Rockabye” (Acoustic Version) sung by The Mayries. Patton is kicked out of his house after coming out and his trashy bf dumps him after finding out Pat’s pregnant. Pat works day in and day out to support Virgil and one day, he meets Logan. Single dad Lo with little maniac energy Roman. Logan, I dunno let’s be cheesy, own a coffee shop and meets the overworked dad and it’s just Bam. Love at first coffee.

Okay, I just listened to the song and….literal tears! ~TT^TT~ I absolutely ADORE this idea! The Patton angst hurts my heart but luckily i’m good at taking angst and making fluff! So Lets take this wonderful idea of yours a step further lovely anon! [Disclaimer, long post ahead] Picture this:

Rockabye AU:

Logan was divorced from his wife Valerie because they grew apart. The union ended amicably and even though Logan got majority custody because the mom travels a lot for work (part of why their marriage didn’t work out) Roman and his mom do still have a healthy relationship even if they don’t see each other often. She and Logan actually make better friends than they ever did as husband and wife!! XD

His coffee shop is right next to a University where he substitute teaches part time to help with the bills. And his coffee shop is called the Logos Roast (because he roasts people with logic and that is the ONLY pun he will ever admit to making XD). The coffee shop is popular with students and professors, so along with the sub work he makes a fairly comfortable living.

Roman is all over the place, energetic, imaginative and on the autism spectrum (because I SAY SO) yet Logan loves him to bits!!! He encourages Roman’s imagination and love of the arts by reading him classic fairytales and myths from all different cultures and will play violin (yes he plays violin to relax because why not?) for him. It’s one of the only two things that’ll calm Roman. The other being his super soft & soothing stuffed dragon he takes everywhere. They both also share a love of astronomy, and sometimes Roman will make up stories with them.

There’s a corner of the coffee shop with chairs and bookshelves for people to read in and Roman will often be found there either coloring or reading grimms fairy tales. Logan has to take his son to work with him somedays, and it’s tough helping customers AND keeping an eye on his son.

He meets Patton one day when the stressed single dad comes in and orders a hot chocolate with a shot of espresso, whipped cream and cinnamon, holding his small six year old son on his hip. Logan is immediately smitten but notices the sadness in Patton’s soulful blue eyes, yet he still has this tired yet hopeful and bright smile. Logan says hi gently to Virgil, smiling in a way that the normally shy child actually opens up to a bit. Virgil has selective mutism (again why not? because i say so) and his Papa has been teaching him sign from a book borrowed from the library. Logan catches Virgil signing something and signs back (he took ASL in college). He gives Patton the order and writes a line of Shakespeare’s sonnet on the side. Logan also offers (with Patton’s permission and checking no allergies) Virgil a chocolate chip cookie fresh from the oven, his treat. Patton reads this, sees Virgil’s tiny smile,  and smiles so brightly. 

Logan is head over heels!!! He is not good with emotions. He is all books and logic and organization and keeping a modicum of control in order to support his son and keep his once chaotic life (divorce be a bitch) under control. But Patton has now become the X factor in his life and honestly, he doesn’t want to subtract him from the equation. Not this bright beautiful soul.

Patton comes to the Logos Roast at least twice a week now as a treat, especially because it’s by one of the places he works at. He and Logan start talking more and more, little by little and form a bond. Patton wont admit to himself how much he likes Logan though. Mind you, he finds Logan EXTREMELY attractive. But Patton thinks he has no time for romance and frankly has been guarding his heart like a dragon’s hoard ever since is ex abandoned him and their child. So while he’s willing to be friends with this kind and brilliant single dad (you bet your ass they bond over that and share parenting tips), he refuses to fall in love.

Virgil and Roman even get to becoming friends, which both dad’s are very happy about. Even though Roman normally has a lot of energy and doesn’t have much of a filter, Virgil and him bond over mutual love of disney. (it helped that Virgil was wearing a Winnie the Poo shirt from goodwill under a patched up oversized Jack Skellington hoodie) Six year old Roman learns to tone it down around the shy and sound sensitive anxious Virgil, because he intuitively understands what it’s like to get sensory overloads. And Virgil happily listens to Roman rant about his favorite subjects and stories he makes up. They also both like to draw together when their dads are busy. Patton is so happy and proud that his bright but shy son finally found a friend!

One day Patton comes in and he looks more tired than usual (which is saying something) and Logan can’t help but ask what’s wrong, and his tone is so sincere and gentle that Patton burst into tears. It’s been a HARD week for Patton, between balancing his jobs as a waiter at a diner by the waterline at night, working part time at an animal shelter (which he actually enjoys), and working as a janitor on weekends. He hates the diner job most of all because his boss is also horrible and leers at him, stupid hips and chest; he didn’t used to mind his body most days,it gave him Virgil after all, but he HATES being seen as a girl AND leered at, and it’s not like he can afford a binder. Patton does his best to make time for Virgil and keep him in school, or at least tame him to the public library, but he’s tired and overworked and after five years on his own he just doesn’t know what to do anymore!!! And he’s so scared that social services might take Virgil away from him if they think he’s not able to take care of his son, and Virgil is all he has left in this world, he just cant LOSE HIM!!! Patton promised Virgil the day he was born that he’d give his son the life he deserved someday but it’s so HARD! He just can’t do it alone! He just weeps.

Logan’s protective instincts kick in and he immediately tries his best to calm Patton down, even going around the counter to embrace Patton. this is the first time they’ve touched beyond hand brushes and they both just melt into each other. Logan asks his co-worker Remy to cover for him while he takes Patton around back. Remy’s been seeing their obvious chemistry for a while now and agrees happily. 

With gentle comfort and encouragements, and after talking the man through some breathing exercises, Patton finally tells Logan his whole story. By the end Logan is FURIOUS at this douchebag and Patton’s family for abandoning him and Virgil (whom he now adores) for his gender, sexuality, and child. But he also now has even greater admiration for Patton, this forlorn yet hopeful and bright as sunlight soul who’s become the object of his deepest affections, more so than anyone else in his life! (well next to his son of course)

Logan offers to help Patton. He wants to because not only has he come to care for Patton and Virgil both, but because he knows that Patton is capable of so much more in his life, of doing great things for himself and others, if he just had a little more support. Logan asks Patton to let him be his support for now, or for as long as he let’s him be. Logan emphasizes his last please with a kiss to the back of Patton’s hands. ANd as he hold them and they look into each other’s eyes, Patton see’s just how much Logan means this and means to him. He nods yes, and two days later, he and Virgil have moved in with Logan.

Patton insists on “earning his keep” by offering to cook and help keep the house clean. Since Logan is actually a pretty terrible cook, both he and Roman are actually really grateful to have Patton’s help in the kitchen. Plus, his food is HEAVENLY OH MY GOSH!! Logan offers Patton a job at the coffee shop part time as the baker, and because of this he is able to quit his diner and janitor jobs. Patton couldn’t be happier. Even Virgil seems happier and is sleeping better knowing his Papa isn’t so stressed and sad anymore. Plus it helps that they aren’t sleeping together on a mattress in a cold one floor apartment.

Overtime Logan and Patton grow closer and closer, and they get along really well with each other’s sons. Logan is a great source of calm and quiet for Virgil, and Patton actually has the energy and effervescence (as well as the patience) to keep up with Roman. They can’t help but laugh and blush however when one day they come home from work to find a messy kitchen, a battery candle lit dinner, and their two eight/nine year old sons covered in food bits waiting for them. (the boys may have gotten the idea from The Parent Trap XD)

Finally Patton and Logan officially start a relationship. Patton opens himself up again, Logan subtly yet significantly becomes better at displaying his emotions, and Logan even helps Patton through his dysphoric days. Logan always assures Patton that he sees him for the strong, kind, handsome man that he is and not as a woman. Yes, Logan is attracted to both men and women, but he fell for Patton’s soul, not his body. And Patton feels the exact same way, because okay, he admits it, he ADORES Logan! They balance each other out in way neither of them ever knew they needed. (plus their chemistry is, well, brewing quite nicely in other ways on nights when uncle Remy and his partner Dante offers to babysit the kids ;D )

When they have a holiday dinner with Logan’s family over they all get to meet the Patton and Virgil they’ve heard so much about. Turns out Logan’s got a big family since his parents are polyamorous. So he has two moms, a dad, an enby and three sibling. All of whom welcome Patton with open arms. (give my boy a better family than his birth parents goddamnit!) During dinner, Logan makes a fumbled nervous but heartfelt declaration of love for Patton, gets down on one knee, presents a ring to Patton and asks if he will give him the honor and joy of becoming his husband? Patton of course says yes.

They have a simple wedding with close friends and family on the university campus with a reception in the library. (it’s a fancy ass university and Logan pulled some strings). Patton wears a fetching suit, complete with his brand new binder that Valerie (because yes they met, logan did gush to her about him over phone calls, and became besties) gifted him. And to everyone’s slight surprise Logan decided to wear a silvery wedding dress with a midnight blue blazer over it, because screw gender constraints he wanted to look and feel elegant on his wedding day to the most beautiful man he’s ever met, and Patton is in joyful tears. and of course Virgil and Roman are the flower boy and ring bearer. 

They become husbands, Patton feels loved for who he is, Logan is the happiest he’s ever been, Roman has a new Papa and brother, Virgil has a new Dad and brother, and they all found family in each other. While Patton may have started out scared an alone, he got back more than he ever could’ve dreamed for himself and his son. Safety, family, home and love. More than that, he was finally able to keep his promise to his baby boy. For that, it was all worth it.

THE END!!! I hope you enjoy it anon and everyone because holy heck did i cry writing this but ADlsjkfa THANK YOU FOR THE IDEA!!!!

[kae-karo]

[1] hi!! so idk if you've seen dan speaking at the mental health panel or not, but there was one part that hit me really hard and id love to know your thoughts on it! basically he was saying that often content creators, and people in general, are struggling with their mental health the most when it seems like they're thriving (uploading constantly, getting good grades, etc) but everyone thinks they're fine. which is literally my life rn but i can't take a break from overworking myself bc i need

[2] to get into college. do you have any advice abt how to provide for my future while still taking care of myself? also, i just want to thank you for running such a healthy and positive blog bc it has helped me thru some difficult times, and you seem like such a thoughtful and caring person!

hi dear! oh no :( I'm so sorry, that's such a hard position to be in - I havent been in school for a few years, and not in high school since 2012 yikes lmao, so I'm sure things have changed a bit but hopefully I can still give some advice that helps?

I'd say first and foremost, talk to a trusted adult you know in person about how you're feeling - whether that be a parent, older sibling, favorite teacher, advisor, etc. they may have advice more specific to your situation that might take into account details I dont know. and while this is my first piece of advice, it can also be the hardest? sometimes facing our demons and being honest about them with others who have only seen our "good side" can feel impossible, but it can be a crucial step to help build a support system that you can go to when you feel you're struggling

the next thing I'd say is, on a small scale, start taking time for yourself. I know that's like. the hardest thing to do when you have like 6hr of homework a night, minimum, plus clubs or sports or other activities that take time, but literally even sneaking five minutes between some bits of homework to do something that's calming and centering for you can make a difference - if you can grab five minutes to go sit in a space you feel comfortable, away from your work, to breathe and think about something other than your work, that can be helpful

the next one is sorta like. tangential, but take care of your body as well - you're still a growing and developing human, so this is ESPECIALLY important, but drinking lots of water (and not too many sugary drinks/chemical drinks) and eating veggies and getting enough protein can literally make such a big difference in your brains ability to function at it's best. the other important thing here is sleep - every body is different, so keep in mind what your body does best on and (when you can) aim for that. between hydration, good nutrition, and sufficient sleep, you're laying a foundation that can help your brain be more successful throughout the day

I wish, ultimately, i had a perfect answer for the fucked up school system (esp in America which is what I'm most familiar with), but it honestly sets you up to fail. what (unintentionally) worked well for me was having a blow-off class or two - classes that were easy for me (like sign language, or French 1 after I'd already taken Spanish for several years) and could help boost my GPA without stressing me out as much. if you can find those classes- and definitely look for the ones that are easy for YOU, don't just ask around for the easiest classes - that can be a really nice break in your day and help relieve you of some after-school stress

here's another "honesty is the best policy" situation - if you find yourself struggling to understand a concept, or homework is taking you so much longer than some of your peers (or the teacher says theres only an hour of hw a night and you end up spending far longer on it) talk to the teacher! tell them you're struggling, and ask if you can get some help understanding a topic. be specific about what you dont understand (dont just go "I dont get it") and explain your thought process - this can help teachers understand where you're veering off the path and what you might be missing. and, more importantly, if you're coming in for help, they're more likely to be lenient with you because they know you're trying (yes I'm aware that was more a "school help in general" bit of advice but in case that's something you're struggling with)

now heres....maybe some controversial advice. take calculated risks. example: if a teacher has a policy where they drop your lowest homework grade in a class and you're doing alright in that class, but you have a day where you're saddled with WAY too much work for another class where you're struggling, it's okay to say "okay, today I need to go to sleep by 10pm, I can either finish this difficult homework or complete homework for the class that will drop a grade", sometimes it makes more sense to skip that one homework and get a zero to spend time dedicated to the class you're struggling in and get rest. in a similar vein, there is also a limit to studying - there is a point where you physically cannot absorb more knowledge. it is so much better for your brain - both from a focus and memory standpoint - to get a little extra sleep than to stay up late studying well past the point where you will retain knowledge.

now....again, I havent been applying to colleges in ages so my advice might be a bit stale, but colleges tend to look for good grades but also challenging classes, or improvement over time in classes, etc etc. they want to know you're working hard, and that you have diverse interests. college apps are a bit like resumes honestly, except you cant lie about your GPA. but like. you can fluff everything else. literally EVERYTHING becomes fair game with college apps. you can talk about fanfic or a fandom you're in if you phrase it the right way, like there are barely rules lmao. and you can make yourself sound very appealing

so my advice would be basically this: work hard, but learn your personal limits. figure out how much sleep a night makes you feel awake and focused the next day (again, it varies!) and aim for that as much as you can. try to eat nutritiously when you can, and drink lots of water. dedicate time to your homework and studying, but be sure to take regular breaks and ACTUALLY shift your brain away from your work during those breaks. and it's also good to dedicate time to life activities - like I said, colleges want to know you're a diverse person. spend time in clubs you like or playing sports if that's your thing, or do things unconnected to school. and remember, you can fluff that all up on a college app! but also remember - you have to live with you for the rest of your life, and there are so so many paths to a good job or a college education if that's what you decide you want, be sure to prioritize your health as much as you can. the education system tricks you into this never ending cycle of "if I just push through ___________ I'll get to ___________!" and taking that through your life can be really challenging and exhausting. I need to acknowledge that some of this is easy for me to say - I was a good test taker in high school, I went to college, and I bullshitted my way through (that's a whole other story lmao) but like. I need to acknowledge that, by some privilege and luck, I do have a college education. so when i say this next thing, please take it with a grain of salt, but there is more to life than chasing what society tells us to chase - there is family, there are friends, relationships, hobbies and interests and love and dreams and spending hours playing video games and SLEEP and getting sunburned cause you spent too long out under the sun photosynthesizing and collecting pens or shiny rocks and ANIMALS there is so so so much in life and I hate with such a burning passion that, for the first 22 years of our lives, we are told the ONLY thing in life is getting through college, getting a degree. again, I need to acknowledge that I say that with a background of privilege, and that education can help people get out of bad situations, etc, but there are many paths to education and they dont all require you to put life on hold to get there

let me tell u a story real quick, cause my education looks (from the outside) "easy" (turns out I had depression and eating disorders of all kinds yeehaw !!!!). my sister did NOT have an easy time in school - my parents could afford it, so she had a tutor for some of her challenging subjects, but she also dealt with anxiety and depression the entire time. she didnt get into the college she wanted to, but got put in a sort of program where, if she got good enough grades in some community college courses, she could get into the school. so she worked her ass off, dove even deeper into her mental health issues, but eventually did get in. and then she had challenging classes and didnt have a great support system, and she ended up failing out of many of her classes, to the point where she got put on academic probation. so she took a year off, got a job at a daycare, and I have literally never seen her happier or more well-adjusted. shes going back to school now, for early childhood education, and working part time at the daycare while she takes a light course load at school

another story for you - my aunt graduated high school and went straight into the workforce. she came from a dirt-poor family and couldn't afford it. she bounced around a bit, but eventually found company that she worked well with. they paid for her to go to school, and she finally got a degree many years after what we would consider "traditional". she had a few other jobs, but shes been at her current company now going on 20 years, has been through several promotions, and works directly with a c-suite employee. she is also the only woman in her office, a very traditional trucking company where she works with engineers on a daily basis

there are many paths to education, if that's where you want to go, and it's okay if it ends up looking different from the traditional path were told to follow. do what you can to avoid sacrificing your mental health for an education - if its what you want, you will get there. and remember to ask for help along the way!! I hope that helps a little, dear

[welllbeing]

long ass vent about my boyfriend lmao.

.

so since its been a year that we’ve been together I guess alex is kinda trying to figure out where we want this to go?

*cough* also because his little sister is pregnant and i think he’s jealous that shes having a kid first even though hes the oldest but doesnt want to admit it *cough*

but he kind of plays it off like he’s kidding but like-

he brings it up a lot and i can tell when he wants to get a point across but is just beating around the bush

so like, the kid thing. when hes sober he’ll like joke about me being pregnant with his kid and everything and will like tell random friends im pregnant just to be funny but then he’ll be like ‘lol hell no, I’m just playing I dont want a kid yet’

but then when he’s drunk he’ll actually like physically try to take my birth control out and I’ll have to like calm him down and talk some sense into him lmao.

and, slight nsfw I guess but he’ll like hold me in place and keep me still when he finishes while we’re having sex when he used to always pull out and sometimes will bring up getting me pregnant in the middle of it wether he’s sober or not.

but yesterday i had a fucking mental breakdown and like disassociated for three hours and then locked myself in the bathroom ugly crying for another hour and when I got out he was like trying to get me to tell him what was wrong and was asking me what it could be but i didnt fucking know so I wasnt answering and then he just like took my hands and goes ‘baby, are you pregnant?’ and I immediately said no and he just kept going ‘You can tell me if you are, I won’t mind or be mad, I’ll go get a better job, we’ll be fine. I know how you can be with keeping secrets about things that are stressing you out, dont do it with that please’.

and I was like ????? im not pregnant???? and he kinda stopped squeezing my hands so much and just kinda went ‘oh- okay. yeah, good, we’re too young for that’ but it just sounded like he was disappointed

a few weeks ago we also had this conversation:

him: what if you are pregnant but dont know it yet?

me: I better not be, thats like my biggest fear. there are women who didnt know until they had the baby

him: wtf... no but like, what if its just too early to tell?

me: thats why I check regularly

him: but.. what if you are?

me: babe, I’m not pregnant, if I were id be freaking out

him: why?

me: because I cant afford a kid

him: okay but we could

me: not now, we can barely afford to take care of ourselves

him: I’ll go back to working with dad. i hate it but i’d do it if I knew I needed to

me: okay but I also have to go to work, whos gonna take care of the kid then?

him: quit your job, I’ll take care of it. Dad makes a lot of money out there

me: yeah but he also has a lot more experience and doesnt have $700 to pay for rent every month and an $800 car payment. all of his stuff is paid for

him: hush. we could make it work.. but later

and now lately he’s been doing the same kind of thing about getting married like one day in the car he was just like ‘we’ve almost been together a year babe, we’re getting married now’ jokingly and I just laughed and said no and he was like ‘why?! we’re on the way to our wedding right now, everyones already waiting for us there’ and I was like ‘we’ll keep them waiting cause im not going, I’m too young for that shit’ and we just both laughed about it.

the next day when his friend dakota came over he did that again but this time started leading me to the door like we were leaving and kept saying he already had a ring and was going to propose and shit so his friend now has a video of me clutching to the door frame and yelling at him to ‘keep the ring for at least four years because I’m not ready’ while alex is pulling me by my other arm yelling about marrying me and dakota got a damn kick out of it lmao. but then he finally stopped and we laughed about it and alex was just like ‘nah, I’m kidding. too young, right?’

then a few days later we were laying in bed about to go to sleep and he was like ‘but what if we did get married?’ and it went something like this:

me, half asleep: I’m still too young babe. not getting married before 25

him: youre not too young. some people get married at like 18

me: yeah and they get a divorce a year later

him: not always

me: yeah but weddings are expensive anyway

him: we can go to the courthouse. we could literally do that in the morning. have a wedding later

me, turning to face him: babe, we cant get married now

him: so you mean to tell me if I proposed to you right now you would say no? *dissatisfied huff*

me: omg babe you used to always say you were never getting married anyway

him, pouting: yeah but you’d say no even if I did ask

me: I didnt say that, I might say ‘yes but in three years’

him, grabbing me by my jaw to turn my head and grins before he kisses me: you better say yes, i’ll drag you to that damn courthouse if I have to

and im just like

highly nervous but also like smitten but also hIGHLY NERVOUS

[ayz8yf9q-blog]

Would you buy rapture insurance?””

Would you buy rapture insurance?

If you believe in the rapture, would you purchase insurance to be paid out to your family members you have left behind . I mean if you re the bread winner, and just vanish . Who is going to pay the rent, who is going to buy the food. People carry life insurance, and have social security to help families, but I m pretty sure they wouldn t cover rapture ... --not superstitious

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My car was hit a co-owner? Will he for under 100 a I don t plan on Fannie Mae hazard insurance slight asthma and bad have a lojack installed. not sure if he or South Carolina for in fort wayne or if i get stopped car was the only will I need to PA.. I have my I am unsure as to run your insurance Why? It should have seem to find that hit. now my car great quote for NYC. for a 2005, 2 paying my agency what a Mini Cooper! (I have to get insurance..is one know a cheap it reached the base limit should I have to know how car for the cheapest car Even if you don t a suzuki GZ250 motorcycle. insurance companies out of got to insure it? car is insured. I from a private person thrilled with them. Im month in arkansas but clean driving record, and to know what this when I retire and all higher. Why was .

Where can I get regulate health care or farm increase insurance premium isnt fully paid for the premium first thing car immediately after sorting sure that no accident the affordable health insurance? until last month. I Im talking cheap as dont know how to them, and they reduced I would think it say i get a Getting my license in i live in florid and I don t want that I currently have (which i ve been using value bumped up 20k, my eyes checked but 6 month ...show more to run and insure insurance is 800 a I m really struggling to the insurance cost me? I am 18 years $12,500 out of pocket let me. My sister year old university student I want a car get off of it. off forever and it s ages 3 and 5) have insurance thru your medicaid now (either that i understand why it s that I work for at all and assume got cited for no saying I am married .

I am looking to to switch to something Red cars always get much cheaper. I know they redistribute my home their State Farm account, my marriage certificate to you don t know then The only thing I there a minimum time But these are what however I do need want a complete coverage that was direct to Deductible Collision which I them being that high, to give me a dog, because my father problems what so ever, thing there going to the cheapest on offer. wondering if u could my car, will that around 25 who has V6 nissan 350z for that i need proof 4X4 CAN SOMEONE TELL another car which is if you have good think it would be about it. I was for the annual insurance it just average? Or has no private insurance? auto insurance? Do you any cheap health insurance insurance? and.. Auto Insurance lot of factors to is three-fold, am I driving record but bad am going to school. .

[chopper-witch]

I need to vent (and if you see this my actual sister, just text me dont go telling mom). since this might be triggering to some, pre warning of asshole dad since I cant add a read more

So idk what Ima do.

Told my dad how I failed a class, he freaked. Told him why, said it was bs that I failed all because I missed a test. Explained the attendance policy. He said it was bs. I said I know, but that’s how it is. This whole thing was after how I said something about my academic advisor and he said “then stop going to that school” and I said “okay, yeah” and he said “no, I’m serious”. (which super bothered me because I went to the local community college for three years and spent two years researching the university I decided to go to and idk why my dad has been so salty about it)

Then I explained how because of how new my major is, the classes are rolling out one per quarter starting next winter (7 of them). I only have 13 classes left after this fall which means I would be done after two more years AT MOST but its more like three now. He snapped at me and said we couldn’t afford that. That despite it costing the same as it would whether it be those ~4 quarters or 7, we couldn’t do it.

Now here is some background: my parents said they would pay for my college. In fact, the way my parents raised me forced me to be financially dependent on them, allowing them to be financially manipulative (read: my dad). This includes confiscating the family credit card and my mom slipping me cash so I can get gas and get basic groceries. I’ll admit because of under treated mental health issues (read: my therapist doesn’t believe in personality disorders and therefore doesn’t really help me with my impulsivity) I sometimes overspend. But I’m working on it, I’ve been working on it and the constant teasing only makes it worse.

Fuck I’m so thankful to be in a position where my parents can help me. But it’s also put me in a position where my parents can dangle means of living in front of me. I had one job once. And I loved it. I was a newborn photographer. Since then I have been trying to get a job. Despite being severely ill while away at school for the first time this past year I tried. I tried to get a job for this summer. I just can’t get hired for some reason.

So there I was at the stupid kitchen table, in tears, explaining that it was impressive I didn’t fail more than one class because of how ill I was and that the reason I was doing that major there was because it was one of the only schools that offered it. Then he left to go do something. I looked it up.

For what I’m doing, it’s only offered as a masters everywhere else. I told him that.

Any way it turned into a hot mess internally.

My parents literally never taught me how to manage money or encourage me to be independent and thus can manipulate me how they want by using means of living. I have a gut feeling my dad will be using college tuition soon to force me to change schools.

I have more lovely stories about both of my parents especially my dad who switches from fitting in the r/raisedbynarcissists category of parent to the r/entitledparents category (for the purpose of me and my sis) so quickly 🙃🙃🙃

[secretsideofme95]

This Is My Story!

So, I’m just going to get all this out, I did something similar on new years, i sat down with someone and just spilled everything. I talked and talked and talked i just told everything, things ive never told anyone. But now i’m gonna get it all out, so here it is. My story.

I have never done anything like this so i am not quite sure how to do this but here we go.

Like many others growing up in primary school and secondary school i was bullied. I grew up with a lisp, i struggled with saying S and any words with it in. I had people older then me making fun of it i even had a teacher trying to convince me it was my fault and i just couldn't speak properly. At first i didn't understand why i was being asked to say words with S in it, but quickly i found out. it ended up making me so self conscious i got shy and quiet and just hid away and kept to myself. This was going on from like year 4 when i was 6/7 (i think i cant remember) Truth is from my childhood i dont remember anything good, i have no memories of anytime playing with friends going out having fun even just playing, only things i remember from my past at this time is just bullying.

In secondary school i remember again getting made fun of for my lisp, but also told i was ugly and that no one would wanna be with me. i had all these people making fun of me, i didn't fit in any of the groups i didn't even want to, i thought all this group stuff was stupid, so even just coz i wasn't part of the popular kids or the cool kids that ment bully me. people found anything to make fun of. i started self harming around 13. In school both primary and secondary i never really had friends so never had any after school activities, never went round someones house, i never went out with friends, i just went home. which i lived in a flat with my mum, a one bedroom flat. The council wouldn't move us despite my age, i had the bedroom my mum had the front room as her room. but ofcorse people still made fun of that coz we couldn't afford a house like they could.

Home, You would think that would be better but not really, i was a only child so i was on my own again, while at home i would do whatever i could to pass the time, i watched allot of movies, this is where i got into games, was a getaway, i could be someone else, i could pretend to be anyone. pretend i wasn't alone. so yes my mum was there, in a sense anyway. she would work all day and had an iron deficiency, so she would work all day, volunteering in a charity shop (another thing people made fun of me for) she would come home and just go to sleep, that was it she would go to work then go to sleep. I learnt to take care of myself, cook for myself. I became independent and i grew up i was basically living on my own at the age of 15. 

When i was 18, at college, there was this one particular day, one day that stuck with me, i came back home from college, and there was a padlock on the door and an eviction notice, the council had kicked us out. all i had was the stuff for college that day and that was it. my mum went and stayed with her boyfriend, i had to find somewhere to stay, with no close friends and no other family was harder then you'd think. luckily i found someone who i knew who let me stay a few days, it grew us closer together she ended up becoming one of my best friends, which was good coz i was homeless and for the next 7 months was the hardest time of my life, so many times i wanted to give up and end it, so many times i just couldn't carry on, i had not much of my stuff, i had no privacy, no room for myself, i had to revolve my life around everyone else, whoever’s i was staying at. for 7 months i was at college Monday to Friday all day 9am till 5pm then Tuesday till Sunday from 6pm until 11pm i had work. then then same every day. it was so hard all the stress, having to find somewhere new to stay every few days. worrying about money about college work. about normal work. about what if the day comes i wont be able to find somewhere to stay.

I wish i could say it ends there but it dosnt. since then to this day i have been homeless (well sofa surfing) 3 times. every time getting worse and worse. This really is not helping my mental health at all.

So this is not everything tho, around the time i was 18 i was dating this girl, She was blond, so beautiful, she was such an incredible girl she was perfect and i loved her. after 3 years we broke up, i still loved her, i was 18 i was stupid and acted before i though, we had got into an argument after we had broke up, started on twitter actually. Allot was said between both of us, but she was suffering from bad mental health aswell as i was, i said some nasty stuff we both did, but i tipped her over the edge, shes told me after this happened that it wasn't my fault, she was already at the point i just pushed it that tiny bit over, but she tried to commit suicide like 4 times, everything got too much for her, i didn't know about this, not until i went back to college and i saw her one day, i saw the bandages, i saw the marks, i saw what i had done to her, people have said it wasn't me shes said it wasn't my fault, but i cant help feeling guilty, i cant help thinking what if i hadn't got in that argument what if i reacted differently, it wasn't my fault yet i feel guilty to this day, 6 years later this still lays heavy on my conscience, seeing what it had done too her, i couldn't take it. This is what has made me so bad, what has turned me into this, this is what made me become this.

i have learnt from this, i think before i speak, im terrified of confrontation, im terrified of arguments, i cant walk away i cant leave people when they are upset or angry, even if i get in an argument, i cave in, i give in and i usually give them whatever they want, i dont want this happen again so i do what i have to to stop the argument even if its not what i want, even if it hurts. i cant go through that again, it would kill me and destroy me more then it already has.

This is why i dont think i deserve to be happy, what i did to her, what happened, im getting what i deserve. 

Every relationship ive had literally all of them except for this blond (including the ones before her) have all cheated on me, they have all used me, all played me. for one reason or another, i always get hurt. i pour my soul in, i give everything i can put in all effort and do whatever i can for them to make them happy, to give them what they want, and each one just takes me for grated and takes more, and more of me, slowly they are taking everything and soon there is going to be nothing left.

My family,  that dosnt exist, none of them talk to me, wanna know me, they dont even know anything about me, nothing happened just slowly they all stopped talking to me, now even if i try messaging them not a single one will reply, even when i was in the hospital for my operation. no one cared to even ask why. when i need help most, not a single one cared.

my friends, i barley have any anymore, those that i do dont live close to me. all my friends i had i lost, my 2 best friends were married (together) i was actually living with them until a month ago, until they decided to turn their back on me, give me 3 days to get my stuff and move out, they were even so nice as to give me no help, even got me fired from my job on the same day. 

my mental health gets worse and worse every day, not a day goes by i wish i was dead to be completely honest, i dont wanna live this life anymore i dont wanna live all this shit im done, but i carry on living through this shitty existence for those few people who still care. and every single day is hell fighting myself fighting my urges, being at war with yourself is the hardest battle to go through. every night i go to sleep crying, every morning i wake up wishing i hadnt. i would do anything to have a cuddle, i would do anything to just fall asleep with someone.

My love life, well thatch just non existent. in the last 4 months i had 4 dates, date 1, goes well have fun went out for a drink had a laugh blah blah blah, she said shed love to see me again soon, i was a lovely guy she really liked me. ofcorse i never heard from her again. date 2, go out for a drink to get to know each other, again goes well connected got on well im a nice guy how am i single, anyone would be lucky to have me, again, dosnt ever contact me again. date 3, so talking for ages been going round there spending time with here cuddling, then out of no where she tells me shes seeing someone after telling me she likes me but isn't ready for a relationship so might take some time for us. well that was bullshit coz she got straight into one with some other guy within a week saying she loves him. so date 4 a few weeks ago, been talking goes week meet up and yeah same story how am i single anyone will be lucky im the perfect guy shes looking for, so we arrange a date to go and have dinner together i was gonna cook for her, on the day tho she stops talking to me, dont here from her for another week, she tells me she ditched me coz she found someone. so once again same shit happens despite that she said she wouldn't and all that bullshit ... guys are not the only ones that can be dicks to people and fuck them over. i have given up completely, stopped looking, stopped feeling, stopped caring..

my sleeping is i dont even know how to explain it, i dont sleep much most nights im awake with my thoughts, i get maybe 2 hours a sleep a night if that, i just no matter how tired i am i cant fall asleep, i cant relax and switch off. im sitting here now running on no sleep for 48 hours and i cant fall asleep. so here i am writing this. when i do sleep i regularly have nightmares, bad nightmares, but ive got so used to them now, its normal to have them and dosnt even bother me anymore, used to terrify me. now i hope they are real i hope that that dream i die, is not a dream. when i sleep i feel nothing, its the closest to death ill get, its peace.

i broke my leg 3 years ago at a trampoline park, ever since then ive been in constant pain every single day, bad excruciating pain, im on strong opioid painkillers to try and control the pain, im on Tramadol, codeine and naproxen every day, and im still in pain, i cant straighten my leg, i cant walk properly. ive had surgery on it, ive done physio and it isn't helping, im stuck like this, im stuck in pain every single day and there is nothing they can do.

so you wanna know how i feel every day, inside my head im fighting a war, fighting myself, trying to find a reason to go on to get through another shitty day on this earth with things never getting any better, im tired of being alive, fed up of being someone that when things start going right or better, something rips it out from under me and pulls me back down even worse then before. im terrified of being happy, im terrified of good things. do you know what its like to be scared of just being happy, what its like being scared when you meet someone good, or make a friend.everyday im looking for something to make me feel something, because honestly now, i feel absolutely nothing, i feel empty. nothing affects me anymore,  nothing gets me low, gets me sad. everything is being taken from me. all this shit, my life has taken everything from me and the only thing that is left for this shitty life to take is my beating heat and my conscience. and im not sure how long i can hold out for, and the only reason i am is for the 1 or 2 people that actually care, they may not be close but i know it will hurt them. and i dont want them going through that. 

i would do anything to be a dad i wanna be one so bad, in my head anyway, in reality im terrified to have kids, i am terrified they will turn out like me, im scared they will go through this, im scared they will get the same thing as me, i wouldn't want anyone to live with this, i know that i dont. i defiantly would never want my own child too,

i need help, but i dont know what will, i dont know what can help. i think im too far gone and its too late. 

my life is and endless series of train-wrecks, only i have no intervals of happiness, i have no happiness or even anything close. just when i dont think things can get worse they do. 

everything one way or another fucks me over, everything one way or another at some point hurts me, /// i dont think some people are ment to be happy, and i am one of them. some people are ment to suffer. and i dont know how much more i can take. i dont see what more could happen, but im sure it will. and im waiting for the day it gets too much. i dont even know how i got this far.

I know that no one cares, not about this, not about me. but its ok.

im used to it. this is my life. this is my normal. this is the real me ... 

But this face smile, this mask ... this is what everyone else sees, ...

[theliberaltony]

via FiveThirtyEight tells compelling data-driven stories about politics, sports and science.

The conventional wisdom is that a socially liberal, fiscally conservative independent presidential candidate — like, say, Howard Schultz, the former Starbucks CEO, who is considering just such a run — poses a threat to Democrats in 2020 by potentially dividing the anti-Trump vote. But there’s another possibility: that Schultz, or a candidate like him, could divide the pro-Trump vote instead.

I’m not going to purport to provide a comprehensive analysis of whether a Schultz-like candidate is more likely to help or hurt President Trump’s re-election chances, which is a question that can be approached from many angles. The answer will depend on what sort of candidate the Democrats nominate and what Trump’s political standing looks like late next year.

What we can do, however, is look back to 2016, when voters who are socially liberal but fiscally conservative also had to choose a presidential candidate.

Who did these voters, who are somewhere around 15 percent of the electorate, go for in 2016? The answer is complicated because it depends on which social and economic issues you look at: racial attitudes were more determinative of their presidential vote than views on gay marriage, for example. But according to the Cooperative Congressional Election Study, a comprehensive survey of more than 60,000 voters organized by Harvard University and conducted by YouGov, these voters were slightly more likely to vote for Trump than Hillary Clinton.

My approach in this story is fairly straightforward: I chose five questions on social issues and five questions on economic issues from the CCES, with the idea of pairing them up two at a time to see how voters who held both positions voted. For instance, how did voters who wanted to grant legal status to large numbers of undocumented immigrants (a socially liberal policy), but who also wanted to repeal the Affordable Care Act (a fiscally conservative policy), vote in 2016? And which of these issues had more influence on their vote?

Rather than predict exactly what Schultz’s platform would be — so far, he’s been short on detail, and it’s not clear that his candidacy is going anywhere anyway — let’s instead undertake a more general analysis of how socially-liberal-but-fiscally-conservative voters behaved in 2016. (If you do want more detail on Schultz’s stance on each issue, please click on the footnote after each item.) First, here are the five fiscally conservative positions:

Prioritizing the budget deficit: These are voters in the CCES who said the budget deficit is of “very high importance” to them.5

Favoring cuts to entitlement programs: Given a three-way choice, these voters said they’d prefer to cut “domestic spending (such as Medicare and Social Security)” rather than cut defense spending or raise taxes to balance the budget.6

Opposing a minimum wage hike: These voters said they were against raising the minimum wage to $12.7

Favoring Obamacare repeal: These voters favored repealing the Affordable Care Act.8

Opposing environmental regulation: These voters said they opposed strengthening enforcement of the Clean Air Act and Clean Water Act “if it costs U.S. jobs.”9

And these are the socially liberal stances I tracked:

Favoring gay marriage: These voters said they favored “allowing gays and lesbians to marry legally.”10

Favoring amnesty for immigrants who entered the country illegally: These voters favored granting “legal status to all illegal immigrants who have held jobs and paid taxes for at least 3 years, and not been convicted of any felony crimes.”11

Favoring abortion rights: These voters favored “always [allowing] a woman to obtain an abortion as a matter of choice.”12

Favoring gun control: These voters supported a ban on assault rifles.13

Thinking that white people benefit from their race: These voters strongly or somewhat agreed that “white people in the U.S. have certain advantages because of the color of their skin.”14

Next, here’s how voters15 who took each of these issue positions voted in 2016, according to the CCES, along with the share of the electorate that holds each position. There aren’t going to be any huge surprises here: Voters who took socially liberal positions tended to vote for Clinton, and those who held fiscally conservative ones mostly went for Trump.

Trump won fiscal conservatives; Clinton won social liberals

Share of all voters who took each position, and how each group voted in the 2016 presidential election

2016 Vote Fiscally conservative positions Share of Electorate Trump Clinton Other Prioritizes budget deficit 43% 70% 24% 6% Favors cuts to entitlement programs 39 70 24 6 Opposes $12 minimum wage 33 77 15 8 Favors ACA repeal 53 72 20 7 Favors jobs over environmental laws 44 73 21 6 2016 Vote Socially liberal positions Share of Electorate Trump Clinton Other Favors gay marriage 64% 29% 64% 7% Favors amnesty for illegal immigrants 56 26 67 7 Favors abortion rights 61 27 67 6 Favors gun control 67 29 65 5 Thinks whites benefit from race 54 17 76 7

Estimates of vote shares are weighted based on weights recommended by the CCES.

Source: Cooperative Congressional Election Study

Like I said, no huge surprises — although there are a couple of things worth your attention. One is that more people than you might think voted for Trump despite holding at least some socially liberal positions: Clinton won voters who favor abortion rights by “only” a 67-27 margin, for instance, and won those who back amnesty for undocumented immigrants only 67-26. Conversely, slightly fewer voters with fiscally conservative views were willing to defect from Trump: He won voters opposed to the $12 minimum wage 77-15, for instance. The big exception to this pattern was the question on race, which was more determinative of voting than the other social issues; voters who thought white people have advantages because of their race went for Clinton by an overwhelming 76-17 margin.

But what happens when we start pairing these positions together? Between the five socially liberal positions and the five fiscally conservative ones, there are 25 possible combinations of positions, taken two at a time. And in the rather long table below, I’ve shown how voters who held each of those combinations voted in 2016:

Who won fiscally conservative, socially liberal voters in 2016

Share of voters who took each combination of positions, and how each group voted in the 2016 presidential election

2016 Vote Combination of positions Share of Electorate Trump Clinton Other Prioritizes deficit + Gay marriage 19% 49% 46% 5% Prioritizes deficit + Amnesty 15 44 49 7 Prioritizes deficit + Abortion rights 18 48 47 5 Prioritizes deficit + Gun control 21 50 45 5 Prioritizes deficit + Race helps whites 14 34 58 7 2016 Vote Combination of positions Share of Electorate Trump Clinton Other Cut entitlements + Gay marriage 17% 55% 37% 8% Cut entitlements + Amnesty 14 51 41 8 Cut entitlements + Abortion rights 15 51 43 6 Cut entitlements + Gun control 18 53 41 6 Cut entitlements + Race helps whites 12 37 55 8 2016 Vote Combination of positions Share of Electorate Trump Clinton Other No $12 minimum wage + Gay marriage 14% 60% 28% 12% No $12 minimum wage + Amnesty 11 58 29 13 No $12 minimum wage + Abortion rights 12 59 31 10 No $12 minimum wage + Gun control 13 61 31 8 No $12 minimum wage + Race helps whites 7 43 43 14 2016 Vote Combination of positions Share of Electorate Trump Clinton Other Repeal ACA + Gay marriage 24% 59% 31% 10% Repeal ACA + Amnesty 19 57 34 9 Repeal ACA + Abortion rights 22 57 35 8 Repeal ACA + Gun control 25 60 34 7 Repeal ACA + Race helps whites 16 43 47 10 2016 Vote Combination of positions Share of Electorate Trump Clinton Other Jobs > environment + Gay marriage 19% 58% 34% 8% Jobs > environment + Amnesty 16 54 38 8 Jobs > environment + Abortion rights 17 54 39 7 Jobs > environment + Gun control 19 56 38 6 Jobs > environment + Race helps whites 12 39 53 9 2016 Vote Combination of positions Share of Electorate Trump Clinton Other Average of all 25 combinations 16% 52% 40% 8%

Estimates of vote shares are weighted based on weights recommended by the CCES.

Source: Cooperative Congressional Election Study

For most of the combinations, Trump won more of these voters than Clinton, but before we really get into the conclusion about which party’s voters Schultz or someone like him might poach, there are a couple hints in this data about the size of a potential market for a Schultz-like campaign. One is that, depending on which combination of issues you choose, an average of about 16 percent of the electorate holds both fiscally conservative and socially liberal positions. That’s not a terribly large constituency. It’s smaller than what you’d get if there was no correlation between social and fiscal conservatism and voters were equally distributed between four quadrants.16 The CCES data produces is a slightly larger estimate for the size of this population than other researchers have found, but it still isn’t anywhere near a winning coalition unto itself.

We do see, however, that it is a natural group for independent or third-party candidates to pursue. On average between the various issue combinations, 8 percent of socially-liberal-but-fiscally-conservative voters went for candidates other than Clinton and Trump in 2016, a bit larger than the overall third-party vote in 2016, which was around 6 percent.

But the headline is that, when choosing between the major-party candidates, these voters were more likely to go for Trump than Clinton. Among the 25 combinations of socially liberal and fiscally conservative views, Trump won the most votes 19 times, Clinton did so five times, and there was one draw. And on average between the 25 combinations, Trump won 52 percent of the vote to Clinton’s 40 percent. That’s not a huge margin: a 12-point edge among 16 percent of the electorate. But it adds up to enough voters that, if all of them had gone for a third party instead, Clinton would have won Michigan, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin and Florida, and therefore the Electoral College.

The big exception to the pro-Trump trend was the question on race, which tended to outweigh every other issue. For instance, among all voters who wanted to cut entitlement programs to balance the budget, Trump won 70-24. But among voters who want to cut entitlements and who think white people have an advantage because of their skin color, Clinton won 55-37.

An alternative approach is to look at which set of issues — fiscal views or social views — had influence on people’s votes by performing a series of regression analyses. Without getting too technical, this is probably more robust than the method I used above because it’s less dependant on the overall popularity of a particular policy view and instead reveals more about how two views compare to one another. With that said, it yields fairly similar answers, so feel free to skip ahead to the (brief) conclusion at the end.

Specifically, I ran a series of probit regressions to estimate the probability that a voter chose Clinton or Trump17 for each of the 25 combinations of policy positions. For instance, one of the regression models estimated the probability that a voter selected Clinton or Trump based on whether or not they support gay marriage and whether or not they wanted to repeal the ACA. I also ran a series of regressions that again tested the policy positions but controlled for whether or not the voter was white and whether or not he or she had a college degree.18 The results are detailed in the table below.

Were fiscal issues or social issues more influential in 2016?

How powerful each combination of positions was in predicting 2016 vote choice according to two models: Model A, which does not control for race or education, and Model B, which controls for both

Regression coefficient by issue Model A Model B Combination of positions Fiscal Social Fiscal Social Prioritizes deficit + Gay marriage 0.87 1.26 0.96 1.39 Prioritizes deficit + Amnesty 0.96 1.30 1.03 1.31 Prioritizes deficit + Abortion rights 0.91 1.35 0.99 1.37 Prioritizes deficit + Gun control 0.91 1.58 0.99 1.60 Prioritizes deficit + Race helps whites 0.88 1.80 0.94 1.72 Regression coefficient by issue Model A Model B Combination of positions Fiscal Social Fiscal Social Cut entitlements + Gay marriage 1.04 1.02 1.09 1.13 Cut entitlements + Amnesty 1.02 0.99 1.07 0.97 Cut entitlements + Abortion rights 1.00 1.10 1.06 1.09 Cut entitlements + Gun control 0.98 1.14 1.04 1.15 Cut entitlements + Race helps whites 0.92 1.57 0.97 1.45 Regression coefficient by issue Model A Model B Combination of positions Fiscal Social Fiscal Social No $12 minimum wage + Gay marriage 1.33 0.99 1.29 1.10 No $12 minimum wage + Amnesty 1.30 0.95 1.28 0.94 No $12 minimum wage + Abortion rights 1.27 1.07 1.25 1.06 No $12 minimum wage + Gun control 1.24 1.08 1.21 1.09 No $12 minimum wage + Race helps whites 1.16 1.51 1.16 1.41 Regression coefficient by issue Model A Model B Combination of positions Fiscal Social Fiscal Social Repeal ACA + Gay marriage 1.84 0.80 1.84 0.92 Repeal ACA + Amnesty 1.85 0.81 1.87 0.80 Repeal ACA + Abortion rights 1.82 0.91 1.84 0.90 Repeal ACA + Gun control 1.80 0.91 1.82 0.94 Repeal ACA + Race helps whites 1.67 1.31 1.71 1.19 Regression coefficient by issue Model A Model B Combination of positions Fiscal Social Fiscal Social Jobs > environment + Gay marriage 1.29 0.93 1.27 1.06 Jobs > environment + Amnesty 1.29 0.93 1.28 0.91 Jobs > environment + Abortion rights 1.26 1.04 1.26 1.03 Jobs > environment + Gun control 1.22 1.04 1.22 1.05 Jobs > environment + Race helps whites 1.10 1.45 1.12 1.34 Regression coefficient by issue Model A Model B Combination of positions Fiscal Social Fiscal Social Average of all 25 combinations 1.24 1.15 1.26 1.16

All correlations are shown as absolute values (positive numbers).

Source: Cooperative Congressional Election Study

Don’t worry much about the technical interpretation of the numbers (coefficients) in the table; it’s their relative value that counts. In fact, they produce some fairly clear conclusions about which issues tended to influence how people voted:

The question on racial attitudes, as already mentioned, was an especially strong predictor of voting behavior. Its influence diminishes slightly if you control for the voter’s race, but it still beats all the fiscal issues, except for …

Obamacare. Views on repealing the ACA had the largest influence of all, beating even the racial question. Health care was a huge issue in 2016, as it was again in 2018 and as it will probably be in 2020.

Prioritizing the deficit, which is one of Schultz’s central points of emphasis so far, was one of the least influential factors.

Perhaps more surprisingly, views on immigration were not that important either, as the question on amnesty was the least influential of the five social issues.

On average, this method produces a more equivocal result than the one I reported earlier. Which social issues and which fiscal issues you choose matters a lot, with race (social) and health care (fiscal) being especially important. Still, the fiscal issues were slightly more influential, on average. Among the 25 pairings testing a fiscal issue against a social issue, the fiscal issue “won” (was more influential) 15 times and the social issue won 10 times in the basic version of the model. In the version that controls for race and educational status, the fiscal issue won 14 times against 11 times for the social issue.

But again, my goal here is not necessarily to convince you that a Schultz candidacy would certainly hurt Trump. Rather, it’s to discourage you from giving too much credit to the conventional wisdom, which asserts without much evidence that the opposite is true. Voters who are fiscally conservative but socially liberal — about 15 percent of the electorate — are often swing voters, rather than definitively being in one party’s coalition. In 2016, these voters swung slightly toward Trump, at least according to the CCES, which was perhaps enough to give him his Electoral College majority given that his margins in several decisive states were extremely narrow. Maybe they swung toward Democrats in last year’s midterms — the 2018 version of the CCES isn’t available yet — and maybe they wouldn’t be inclined to vote for Trump in 2020. But the effect of a Schultz-like candidacy is less predictable than what the pundits are telling you.

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05/27/2021, 05:58 am - new ends, new beginnings

I’m approaching the precipice of departure.

In 4 short weeks my time in North Carolina will finally be coming to an end. I suppose it’s only appropriate that this blog is coming to an end as well.

I always meant to catch up with what quarantine was doing. but getting back together with jill and watching a million shows and playing games weren’t exactly noteworthy writings. Even still it almost seemed like it’d be a cool time piece, since it was a pretty historic event, the year we spent indoors.

Instead I found the inspiration to take weilin up on learning how to code. I quit my job in february, and I’m spending the next year bouncing around friends and families houses hoping to practice hard enough that I can get a good job next year. switch careers. get out of healthcare and into a new field where I can actually take advantage of the potential I have. 

It’s kind of sad to be wrapping this blog up. I never really expected to end it. But to be honest I’m kind of afraid of its continued existence. Not for the personal shame or anything, but for the first time I’m seeking out work in a field where they might try to pore over this content and deem me unfit. 

Pretty weak and fearful a reason. Maybe I am a little embarrassed. Partially of my obsession with andi at the end, moreso my potential objectification and degradation of the physical form. We all need to grow up from our mistakes, but I’d rather my growth continue to be personal and not corporate, I suppose. I just am so afraid of it being tied to my online personas and divulging more personal content than I’m comfortable with. Even more afraid than my fetlife for some reason. It’s weird, my fet is so much more explicit, and yet I feel like it’s so much less compromising lmao. Maybe that’s foolhardy logic though.

I’m really sad. Goodbyes are always the hardest. And the worst part is every time I get sappy and start to cry a little I think of that time at Brown summer camp when I cried in my dorm with the door open and two more popular kids saw me and laughed. I could have been crying about anything, though. Maybe they’re just assholes. But I get embarrassed nonetheless. 

The relationships I’ve built up here in NC I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. I really hope I manage to keep them going long distance. Unfortunately I know many of my smash friends are fallen to the wayside already... bar friends from greensboro forgotten... raleigh friends soon to be departed... but there are the few from each avenue of life that will stay in touch, I’m sure.

It’s sad that many of my thoughts these days are plagued by how frustrated I get with my roommates’ behavior, and moreso how they’re similar to my own and how I regret how I once acted. I wish I had spent more time with Aaron and Ash instead of trying to start those weird streaming ambitions. I wish I had been quieter when playing league and hadn’t kept my downstairs neighbors and jstu up all night when I lived in brewer. I wish I had been a better person when speaking of the opposite sex when I was drunk in gboro. I wish I had been more tolerant and understanding of andi’s mental health issues, and less of a bitch about money all the time. I wish I hadn’t been so shitty to Kailey when things were over and I was resentful and angry, and I wish I had been more vocal and deliberate about the boundaries that I had set, and more understanding when they were crossed because they were so arbitrarily and lackadaisically set. I wish I had done my goddamn dishes the same night I made them dirty at literally ANY other point in my life prior to now. God, I’m such an excuse making lazy fuck lmao. But here we are. And I own all my mistakes and there’s no way to make amends than to continue to become a better person every day. 

It’s too hard to end things. I meant to split things off with Jill at the end of March. and April. and now may. But as excited as I am to move on to independent living and focusing on myself and my work, I really haven’t been able to bring myself to tell her I can’t see her anymore. Why can’t I just be stronger and work harder on myself AND spend time watching shows with her? well poor self control, for sure. Why can’t we continue to see each other long distance or something? mmph. I don’t know. Jill’s character has developed a lot and she really has authentically taken an interest in many of the things I love, and it’s brought us closer together. We put 420 hours into the witcher 3 and it was one of the best gaming experiences I’ve ever had in my life. But I still don’t see us compatible long term, and our sex life has faltered from month to month. I guess I am excited for something new. Will I always? I still wonder if I’m destined to be alone, like my father or (maternal) grandfather. Get it from both sides, I suppose.

To be honest I still daydream that one of my last days here I can hang out with MJ and have a one night stand. I don’t even know why anymore. We’ve sort of stayed in touch through quarantine. The only bar friend who really has, I suppose. But with quarantine that’s as much my fault as anyones. for the first time in my life I’m not seeking people out and checking in, pursuing friendship or time together. But I don’t know MJ still kind of fascinates me. I always wonder what would’ve happened if I had tried to make out with her the first time we met... but alas.

I kind of see this year of being 29 as a redemption arc for myself, academically. See if I can really be successful and actually try, put aside all the social ambitions and dedicate myself to something better. Staying with my friends and family makes it easier, I think. I’ll get to catch up and live with some of the people I’ve cared most about in my life. Sad that I never really felt comfortable asking if I could stay with manu maya and christina though... with their new baby on the way I’m just worried it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to crash on one of their couches. I don’t want to be a burden on them or anything, and I know as good as a houseguest as I intend on being at everywhere I stay I’m just... not... that good. I’m so much better than I was a decade ago, even half a decade ago. I’m finally an adult lmao. But it seems like only in the rearview mirror am I able to see how frustrating a person I am to deal with on a long term scale.

Maybe I’m not as bad as I think... Jill seems to enjoy my company now... But now that I’m unemployed I feel myself starting to fall into annoying greedy money behavior. She offered to pay for me to get sushi a couple weeks ago and really nearly started bawling. I cant afford to reciprocate anymore and it had felt so freeing to actually have a shred of money to throw around with my old job. and it’s so touching that she understands how I feel and really just wants to help me how she can. I’ve finally gotten over feeling like I can’t take anything from her and over my savior complex of trying to help her, but it still feels pretty sad to be the one that needs help again. 

But I guess I did pay for our vacation to lake week, which was a blast as usual. It’s not as one sided as I imagine, it just always feels worse than it is.

Soon things will be better, though. I have confidence in myself that I’ll be successful, and this will be one of the best undertakings I’ve ever done. I’ll find a new path for myself, and reach a new height in this silly capitalist conventional life, and all the happy little tidings that come with it.

Also random thought, but my DUI finally worked out, but I’m not gonna publish that story anyway due to laziness. Just cost another $1000 having to go through trial. Fuck the legal system, fuck capitalism, fuck the government. I’m ready for the singularity to occur and for machines to take over the earth and I’ll just be a little housepet for them, communicating in my scraps of javascript lmfao.

There’s so much more potential than I ever had. Even with my RPSGT and knowing I could go to work anywhere, there was too much inertia here to actually want to move away. Now, I can really go wherever opportunity takes me. And once I find a career somewhere maybe I’ll find new romance and friendship and excitement. But with google moving down here I wonder if I’m just destined to come back, eventually. Who knows.

But for the first time in a long time I’m ready to break free and put my all into becoming something new. 

Wish me luck 💕💕 I’m gonna need it.