#boyfriend and I think he technically did once ask me out but I told everyone that I absolutely not did not have any feelings or attraction

[cosmos-coma]

My Sun, My Star

A/N: I'm so weak for Winter soldier Bucky. I cant wait to write more of him, I love this sad guilt ridden man.

Pairing: Winter Soldier!Bucky x Reader

Words: 6756

Warnings: Breaking and entering, Minor violence, Injury and Blood, Winter soldier Bucky, GN reader but also Pregnant reader, mild language, I'm not sure if this is fluff or angst or both??

Summary: You wait up late for your boyfriend Bucky to return from his mission, but it isn't Bucky who finds you.

Part 2 | Part 3 | Epilogue | Bucky Masterlist

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Your eyes blinked slowly, heavier with each passing second, yet you still managed to open them once again. Glancing at the bright white numbers of the digital clock you watched it change to 1:46 AM, causing a groan to pull from your lips. Bucky was supposed to be back tonight (yesterday technically) from his latest mission, but he still had yet to show up at your shared flat. 

You checked your phone again, the lack of notifications mocking your tired eyes. You let out one more sigh before you turned off the mindless babbling of the TV and stood up to get ready for bed. You were sure Bucky wouldn’t want you waiting up so late in your current condition anyway, he had been harping you about getting enough sleep and water and everything in between.

“I’m only four months pregnant, Bucky. I’m fully capable of staying up late” You had said to him. 

“Five months, Doll, and it’s about your cortisol levels. It’s not good for you or the baby, and it could lead to them being underweight” he said, reciting exactly what the doctor had told him during your last checkup. 

“Four and a half,” you argued as you stuck your tongue out at him, “and she was talking about getting chased by a bear kind of stress, not staying up to watch Bake Off.” 

You snorted at the memory of just earlier that week, a small smile coming to your face as you went through your nightly routine. You continued to check your phone here and there as you went, “Did you get back safe? How’d your mission go?” you had texted two hours ago, yet it still remained unread and unanswered.  

‘Maybe one more quick text wouldn’t hurt,’  you thought to yourself as you typed out the simple message and hit send. 

“Stay safe, okay? I love you.”

You sighed as you set the phone down, “it’s okay, everything is okay,” you assured yourself as you pulled one of his large hoodies over your head, enjoying the way the hem brushed against your bare thighs and the sleeves threatened to swallow your hands. “He’s a former assassin and a super soldier! Nothing is going to happen that he can’t handle,” You stated firmly to your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes remained unsure despite your voice’s conviction, but you did your best to ignore it, focusing instead on the achingly tired look they held. 

“Yes, I know. It’s finally time for bed, little one,” you mumbled sleepily as you felt your baby kick against the walls of your protruding belly, being quick to climb between the layers of blankets and lonesome sheets. “Fuck, that's cold…!” you swore quietly as your bare legs hit the icy fabric- having gone unwarmed by your personal space heater and super soldier.

Thankfully sleep came easily, the thought of waking up to Bucky’s sleepy, scruffy face only further urged your body to wind down so the moment would come sooner. 

----

Bucky’s phone buzzed again in his bag, lighting up with your smiling face as your text displayed on the screen, but nobody reached down to check it, as everyone found themselves in a far more urgent situation. 

“Keep him busy, Rodgers! I just need one more minute!” Tony yelled as he dug through the equipment in the quinjet, “For fuck’s sake, who organized this last?” 

“What do you think I’m doing…!” The blond grunted with a justified hint of frustration,” Sam? Any help??” He shouted with a pointed look, telling more than asking as he struggled to restrain his thrashing friend. A swift metal fist flew toward his already battered face, barely giving him time to duck out of the way and attempt to restrain it again. 

“Honestly? Seems like you’ve got this one,” Sam said, holding up his hands.

“SAM.” 

“I’m coming..! God, can’t either of you old men take a joke?”

No one knew exactly what happened, Bucky had gone off on his own in the Hydra base they were exploring. It was supposed to have been recently abandoned, something about the agents leaving in an urgent rush that left files upon files sitting out in the open. It was supposed to be a simple mission; everyone goes off in teams, gathers what they can, and makes sure there are no surprises. But Bucky assured them that he would be fine to go on his own, he hadn’t had a sign of relapse in over a year, and he would only be picking up what looked important. A simple job.

He should’ve listened. 

It was when he didn’t return to the jet with the rest of them that they started to get worried. 

“So, where’s the Manchurian candidate?” Tony jested, looking at his watch. They were supposed to leave maybe 10 minutes ago, not terribly late by any means, but enough to start getting worried about Bucky’s quietness over the coms.  

“Man, come on.. ” Sam sighed at Tony’s joke as he crossed his arms. 

“Bucky?” Steve tried calling over the coms, ignoring both of his teammates, but the line remained all too quiet. 

They found him finally in the basement level of the office building, old discarded computers lining the walls along with cabinets upon cabinets of old files and other equipment. He hadn’t even realized it was a trap until he stepped right into it, triggering a switch that had the computers and hidden speakers flashing images and sounds that assaulted his senses with fragmented memories long forgotten. 

He should have listened. 

Sam had found him first, on his knees in the middle of the floor with hands desperately covering his ears, trying to block out the incessant noise. Hauling his teammate to his feet, he rushed back to the jet, calling everyone off from their search before anything else could be sprung. 

At first, they thought he might be fine- quiet, but fine. He had given them a small smile and a wave of his hand as everyone tried to check in with him, taking a seat as the jet took off to go home. It had all seemed relatively normal until they were halfway back and the unseen battle inside him must have taken a turn. 

“Got it!” Tony yelled as he pulled out the dart gun, aiming quickly as he fired two shots into Bucky’s chest, readying a third as he waited and watched for the tranquilizers to finally take effect. It was slow as Bucky continued to struggle against the drug’s drain, his body and mind turning into slow-moving molasses. Low grunts emanated from his throat as the last of his strength ebbed away, leaving nothing but forced sleep in its wake. 

“Was two really necessary?” Steve asked as his shoulders finally relaxed, the strain and worry now temporarily over. 

Together they dragged the drugged-up assassin into the jet’s small quarantine area for the remainder of the trip, satisfied only when they heard the mechanical locks slide into place. It wasn’t much, and they knew that and if he really wanted to there would be no stopping him from getting out, but it was something- enough to give them a few seconds of preparation if nothing else.  

“I’m not giving a super soldier only a single dose, you two metabolize things like this way too fast and I’m not taking any chances with the Tin man over there.”

Bucky- no, the Winter Soldier, seemed to still be out of it when they finally landed, sat up and leaning against the wall, head slumped forward just as they had left him. 

“Alright, let's just get him into one of the holding rooms for the night. We’ll work on resetting him-” Tony lifted his hands as the two men glared in his direction, “- on ‘fixing him up’ as soon as he’s been secured.” 

Sam shook his head as Tony corrected himself, taking notice of the lit-up phone in Bucky’s bag, buzzing with an only recently delivered message. Sam had quickly become one of your closest friends after you were introduced to the team. He was one of the few people Bucky trusted with his life and between his sarcastic jokes, his incredibly loyal nature, and his willingness to give Bucky shit whenever he deserved it, you knew very quickly how great a friend he would be. 

But now his stomach twisted as he saw your name flash across the screen, the alert quickly minimizing itself as it joined the other messages you had sent that night. How was he gonna break this to you? The last thing you needed was a bunch of unnecessary stress on your shoulders, but it’s obvious you were beginning to worry over their late return. Sliding the phone back into its rightful place Sam told himself that he’d call you once they had things more figured out.

“Heart rate still seems to be resting. With any luck, he’ll remain knocked out until we get inside,” Tony relayed as he monitored the Soldier’s vitals and pressed the button to open the heavy quarantine doors.

The doors slid into their resting positions with a soft click. 

As soon as that click landed on sensitive ears, vibrant blue eyes shot open. Sparing not even a second, the Winter Soldier surged forward from his seat, not nearly as far gone as he left them to believe. With the element of surprise, the Soldier easily knocked past his teammates, throwing his body weight against them and knocking Sam and Steve off balance, leaving him a good headstart as he dashed out the jet’s open door.

“Fuck, Bucky- Wait!,” Steve swore as he stumbled out behind him, having to use his super soldier speed just to keep pace. But between the settled darkness of the night, and the winding alleyways the brunette stuck to, Steve was left falling behind in no time. “Shit,” Steve swore as he slowed to a stop, looking around for any sign of his compromised friend. 

However, the streets lay barren, the fluttering of moths in the streetlights the only sign of life on the entire block.

---

The heavy thud of his boots echoed against the alleyway’s pavement. He wasn't sure where exactly he was headed as his silhouette slunk between the warm light of the streetlamps, but part of him- a currently repressed part of him- knew that safety was bound to be just ahead. 

His heart beat smoothly as he kept his pace, every other step falling in time as he rounded the corner. Blindly, he let himself be led by instinct and his feet maneuvered the city’s countless paths with a mind of their own. They slowed before a little apartment building and as those emotionless eyes looked up, he knew this was it.

The lateness of the hour had almost assured that no one was around as he slipped inside, footsteps padding up the stairs before stopping at the third floor. His heavy boots left nothing but wet prints in their wake as he wandered down the hall, impossibly silent, as even the notoriously creaky boards dared not announce his presence. 

The closer he got, the more the back of his mind itched, as if something- someone- was begging him not to go any further, but he refused to listen; he knew this was where he was meant to be and where he would find what his body was so inexplicably drawn to.

With each step his head turned on a swivel, looking for the sense of safety and familiarity that the other half of him seemed to find here- and desperately wished he wouldn’t discover. Just as his foot was about to take another step he stopped. ‘No. Here.’ His gut told him, turning to the door. 

His door.

Your door.

The former assassin bypassed the lock with ease, quickly slipping in before shutting the door behind him. A dim light illuminated the living room, the little lamp you left on for him casting its orange glow over his surroundings as he surveyed them.

A few mugs stand beside the sink, framed photos dot the wall and side tables, and a veritable nest of blankets lay across the couch. It was obvious someone had been here, and recently. A deep breath pulled into his lungs, causing his head to tilt to the side in contemplation as an unfamiliar scent hit his nose, something just as earthy as it was sweet and speckled with distant notes of… him?

“Hmmph”  

His sensitive ears picked up the soft grunt from down the hall immediately. His shoulders squared and tensed as his body leaned into a defensive position. Cautious fingers pulled the knife from his boot, ready for whatever may come at him as he approached. 

The sounds of soft breaths lead him to a door left ajar. Light just slipped past the curtains into the darkened room. Badum… Badum… Badum… a heartbeat pulsed in his ears as he took a step closer, leaving the door open and letting further light fall onto the source of the noise. 

His wolfish gaze ran down your form as you lay there on your back, swallowed in the extra fabric of the old sweatshirt. Your hand rested casually over your stomach as your other one squished gently against your cheek. Your legs lay bare to the world after having kicked the overbearing sheets away, leaving just a glance of your underwear for him to take in.  

“Mmph” You grunted again as you shifted, your face now turned to him as that earthy scent of yours gripped him like a vice and refused to let go.

Your sweet sleep became interrupted though- much to his dismay- as the phone on your nightstand began to light up and buzz incessantly. Still, as a statue he watched as you groaned, propping yourself up on your elbows as you went to check what your device could possibly want at this ungodly hour. 

With one loose fist, you rubbed the sleep from your eyes away, blinking consciousness back into them until you saw Bucky’s illuminated figure before you, standing tall and quiet as he watched you intently. 

“Bucky..?” You couldn’t hide the grin that spread across your face as you saw the familiar face of your lover lit up by the bright light of your phone screen. But the longer you looked the more you noticed.

His eyes were all wrong, his gaze was devoid, that’s the only way you could put it. Devoid of meaning and humanity, it seemed every gaze- every movement- was a means to an end. Empty… save for a flicker of fear; It was probably the only thing in those eyes right now that registered as human. The fear of someone who was lost, unknowing of their purpose, and confused as to why your gaze was made his cold heart falter.

His expression was flat and stoic, save for the knit of confusion that pulled his brows together. His stance was tense and prepared, the discrete knife still glittering in his hands as he took another step forward, his head slowly shaking in response to your question. 

A gasp caught in your throat as you finally understood. Glancing at your phone you saw it was Sam who was calling, undoubtedly trying to tell you what you now already knew.

“Soldat…” You whispered, trying to hide the way his name sent shivers across your skin. Your phone went black then, as you didn’t pick up in time and you were left blind by the sudden darkness.

 You and Bucky had talked about what to do if you found him like this, “You call Sam and Steve, Okay? You find a place to hide and you stay far away, no matter what you hear. There’s no reasoning with him,” He had told you.

So much for that

Your phone lit up again with Sam’s urgent call, its revealing light sending ice down your spine as you saw the man nearly standing over you now, just a hair’s breadth away.

Your hand rose slowly, shaking as you tested a reach for your phone, stopping dead in your tracks as he let out a disapproving grunt. Your head nodded slowly as you gulped, returning your hand to your stomach as you watched his gaze finally shift away. 

With unbothered calmness, he looked toward your phone to see Sam’s face and name scrawled across your screen. Wordlessly he reached over and pressed the ‘decline call’ button, cutting the call short and leaving you two in perfect silence once more. 

Panic began to rise in your throat as his gaze turned back toward you, darkened now only by the lack of light. With slow movements the Winter Soldier reached out, putting the knife away as he crouched down, as if trying to attract a skittish animal. 

Your whole body tensed as his reach came closer, eyes screwing shut as you waited for the worst, “Please… Just don’t hurt her…” You whispered, fear and desperation rattling your voice, just as it did your anxiety-filled body. 

But the pain never came. Instead, the cool touch of metal fingers ran down your cheek, barely denting your flesh as he relished in its softness. Your eyes peeked open cautiously, as his fingers moved along the slope of your jaw, tilting your head up as he came to your chin. 

His eyes had changed, you noticed, instead of being a harsh blizzard, they had now settled into something more human, something warmer and… yearning? 

“Soldat..?” You questioned as you watched his lips part, his senses focused only on the way your body reacted to his touch. You were sure he could hear the rapid pattering of your heart beneath your ribs, its pace only increasing as his fingers moved down your neck and to the exposed collarbone in your loose neckline.

“Красивый [Beautiful]...,” was all he could reply. It came out so soft you weren’t sure you heard it at first, it’s quiet reverence meant for your ears and your ears only. “Из-за тебя он чувствует себя здесь в безопасности...? Замки дерьмовые, видимость слишком высокая, но ты… [Are you why he feels safe here…? The locks are shit, the visibility is too high, but you…]” He continued, quiet and unbothered as if he assumed you couldn’t understand him. 

“He’s been bugging me to get better locks all week…” you replied with a huff, quickly shutting up as his stare found your eyes again. Between Bucky’s ramblings in the night and Natasha’s tendency to only gossip in Russian, you had made an effort to learn it; You were still learning, and your pronunciation was shit, but your understanding had gotten far better. 

“And you have a good ear…” He spoke in English this time, the vague hint of an amused smile pulling at the assassin’s stern lips. You couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever done that before. If that odd little smile had been seen by anyone else- anyone still living that is.

A breath of relief left you as your lips stretched to mimic his, the tension easing out of your body a little by little.

His metallic touch continued to linger, running down your covered chest until it settled on the waistband of your underwear, the cool metal trailing across your ticklish skin. 

“Ah, wait, Sol-” You jumped at his touch, grabbing his wrist, despite knowing you wouldn’t have the strength to stop him if it’s what he wanted.

But instead of dipping his fingers lower, he simply tugged the oversized hoodie up, gathering it over your chest and exposing the firm baby bump concealed below. His head tilted to the side as he listened to the tiny heartbeat that fluttered in your belly as well as the thuds of its little movements against your skin. Slowly, still with that inkling of a smile, he turned to look at you, his hand hovering just above your vulnerable midsection as if awaiting permission. 

Heat rose to your cheeks as you hesitated. On one hand, you felt a surprising amount of calm under the assassin's touch, his need for your approval only increasing your sense of security. But on the other hand, Bucky would never be able to live with himself if something happened to you or the baby, accident or not. 

“Oh. I-” 

CRASH.

You nearly jumped out of your skin as were cut short by the loud noise. The door to your apartment slammed open, surely breaking the hinges with the sheer force of it. Over a dozen heavy boots stormed into your apartment as the lights turned on, flooding your senses and forcing the Soldier’s attention elsewhere. 

Your hand found his instantly, the heat of his calloused skin a comfort to you just the way Bucky’s was, especially as it squeezed around yours just the same. Sitting up properly now your sweatshirt swallowed your pregnant form once again and you peeked out to see just what was going on. 

Through The Winter Soldier’s defensive stance in front of you, his knife is now drawn once more, you watched a small armed group, covered in black tactical gear raid your home, all guns pointing towards you- or more accurately- the former assassin attempting to shield you. You recognized the symbols on their vests as the team’s secondary security force, having even met a few of them over the years. But where was the rest of the team? Where was Sam, and Steve, and Tony?

“Step away from the civilian!” “Put your hands in the air!” “Sir, drop the knife!” They all shouted, overlapping with each other as each of them rushed out their demands. 

“Don't shoot! It’s okay! It’s okay!” You rushed.

You tried to slip your hand from his, but he only held fast, “Soldat, please… It’s okay, just do what they say… They don’t want to hurt us. Please,” You urged, giving his hand a gentle squeeze, 

His defenses faltered as he listened to you beg him to stand down. It wasn’t the usual begging he heard in his line of work, and coming from your lips had his walls cracking in an unprecedented way. 

He shouldn’t have looked back at your eyes, wide and pleading, as they shook his walls further. Moving slowly he turned, kneeling before you despite the way the armed group yelled at him not to. You just held up your hand to them, pleading for them to be as gentle with him as he was with you. 

“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” The warm flesh of his hand came up easily to cradle your face and a small smile pulled at him again as you leaned into his large palm. “Я только что нашел тебя. Я не потеряю тебя снова так быстро[I’ve only just found you. I will not lose you again so quickly]. ”

Your heart both swelled and pained for your Soldier. You looked into his eyes and saw a sense of certainty, a sense of knowing, you hadn’t seen from him earlier. “Oh… my soldier, my star,” Your fingers entwined with the hand holding your cheek, ”You can not lose me in any way that would last…” You whispered to him past the shouts, the commotion, and the tension, like you were the only two in the room. 

“Sir, put the knife down!” A young squad member called again, his voice far more concerned than his superiors. You didn’t recognize him or his number and you figured he must’ve been new. His gun trembled in his hands as he shouted again, but as the Soldier failed to move and the kid’s finger unexpectedly twitched, there came a sudden- 

BANG.

“Ah-!” Your face twisted with pain as you pulled away, “Fuck…!” Your hands instinctively grabbed your leg, clamping over the shooting pain in your calf that hit you- well- like a bullet. 

You winced again as you pulled one of your hands back, the raw skin of your leg angrily letting you know that it did not like being brushed against. Warm, wet crimson covered your fingers as you looked down, becoming slightly dizzy at how much had already covered your palm. You were thankful it only seemed to be a graze, but the burn you already felt and knowing you were losing blood had your stomach lurching in uncomfortable ways. 

Concern painted the assassin’s expression as you recoiled away from his doting touch, but as the unmistakable warm, metallic smell curled into his nose, his expression darkened dramatically. What was once kind, curious blue eyes now saw nothing but red as he caught sight of the wound slashing across your skin. His jaw set firmly, almost audibly grinding his teeth as he stood and turned to the young kid. 

You looked back at the newcomer as you tried to breathe through the pain, the horrified look on his face telling you that he knew he was a dead man walking. His face went ghost white as the super soldier stalked toward him and through even worse trembling hands he raised his gun to shoot again. 

“No…!”

A sickening thud rang out as the bullet hit the assassin square in his good shoulder, getting lodged in the muscly flesh. His shoulder jerked back at the force, but it wouldn’t stop his stride as he closed the gap. Another shot rang out, but with the solid vibranium arm now covering the barrel it did little to help this poor dumb kid. Snatching him by the neck, you watched as your assassin held him up until his feet kicked uselessly in the air. 

Every gun immediately trained on him and with their proximity you knew they wouldn’t miss a fatal shot if it came to it.

“Stop! Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! Soldier, put him down!” You yelled as you maneuvered towards the edge of the bed. “Please, don't shoot, I can fix this!” you continued, trying to convince yourself as much as you convinced them. Familiar voices joined in on your plea as Sam and Steve finally entered the picture, urgently trying to talk down both the Winter Soldier and the secondary security team. 

“Bucky, It’s okay... Just put the kid down, alright?” Steve tried to reason with him, “He’s new, he doesn’t know what he’s doing yet.” Steve tried his best to stay calm and patient, but the young man was beginning to change colors now. “Bucky, put him down before you do something you can’t come back from.” But Bucky’s ears were deaf to the outside pleas and the Winter soldier refused to listen.

“Ah..!” You whimpered as you tried to stand and approach the commotion. The pain in your leg reached new heights as you tried to put weight on it, causing you to tumble to your knees almost immediately. You clutched your belly, hoping the sudden jostle wouldn’t upset the baby too much as you tried to get up again. 

“Hold on, Y/n. Stay down for a minute so we can wrap your leg…” Sam asked of you, moving over to help as soon as he saw the blood on your hands, “You’re losing plenty already.”

“No, I have to…. I can’t let him get hurt,” you argued, pushing away his helpful hands as you tried to stand again. You heard the crashing thud and rushed voices as you shakily got to your feet, leaning all your weight on your good leg. As you looked up again you came eye to eye with worry-filled icy blues.

“Sol-”

“Мое солнце  [My Sun]...” He interrupted, his metal arm snaking around your waist to pull you in possessively and away from those who threatened your safety. On the other side of the room, the nervous kid now coughed and wheezed for breath, but you were just happy to see he was still alive. 

“Please just listen to them. You’re already hurt, don’t get yourself killed…” you pleaded, your hand barely brushing over his bleeding wound before pulling his hand to your rounded belly. He tried to keep his expression steady, but you saw the way his eyes widened slightly as he looked down. “She needs someone looking out for her and I can’t do this on my own. I can’t keep away all the dangers of the world…” Your forehead rested against his as you tried to shift your weight, whining as you gave up and moved back. You couldn’t deny that this part of Bucky was her father too, even if he had been hidden away for ages, she was still his too. Whether Bucky would see it the same way you weren’t sure, but right now you were just concerned with making sure he got out of this alive. 

“I can’t do this without you…” 

The silence felt deafening as he considered. He never had to think about other people relying on him, not like this. His orders had always been to leave no threats, to finish his job and move on, no matter the cost to him. But the pain in his soft, fleshy shoulder was getting harder to ignore. The way his blood-soaked shirt clung to his arm now climbed to the forefront of his mind as he watched your big eyes stare back at him, desperate to understand. He was between a rock and a hard place. 

“I’ll be right beside you the whole time..” You assured him, “We both will, but please let everyone get us some help.” 

A gentle nudge pushed against his palm as his thoughts swirled around him, snapping him back to a single line of thought and he knew then. Defeat laid heavy on his shoulders as they slumped, accepting what must be done., “Мое солнц [My Sun] …”, He said, “Если вы так хотите, то я не буду жаловаться [If it is what you wish, then I will not complain].” 

You couldn’t tell just how long you had been holding the breath you let out, your muscles relaxing as he finally held his hands up. The security squad began coming forward with an array of cuffs, but it was Sam who stopped them this time, glancing back at you for confirmation as he assured them that they could take it from here. Despite the arguing and the hesitation, they seemed to relent, shifting their focus now to their injured colleague. 

Both Sam and Steve looked tired but relieved as they turned to the two of you, bloody and pained in your current state. Though they weren’t quite better; both of them looked like they had been the unfortunate punching bag of a certain super soldier mere hours before. Sam had bruises lining his arms from where he was surely blocking blow after blow and Steve smiled a bit with his busted lip, dried blood still stuck in the corner of his mouth.

“Let’s get you two to the tower…” 

----

The journey to the tower was quiet, your soldier never letting you out of arms reach as you all boarded the armored truck, and made your way up the tower and to the lab. 

Doctors tried to treat the both of you, but as soon as anyone dared to come close your assassin was right there to growl them back. They’d hardly be able to get past his possessive hands even if they could manage to get close, his touch keeping you pulled beside him at all times.

“Soldat…” you warned him, but he was too preoccupied gathering the medical bag they had been dropped. Coming over to you, there was no warning as he scooped you up from the ground and set you on a table to get to work. 

“Oh-!” You exclaimed as you held onto his strong shoulder, quickly getting plopped back down on the corner of the cold metal table. A shiver ran down your skin as you shifted against the sleek table, watching as practiced hands scoured through the medical bag, producing everything he needed as he went about fixing up your leg wordlessly. 

You were beyond thankful for the haze of the (baby-safe) painkillers as his fingers slid over the raw flesh. Despite the gentle numbing of the painkiller your fingers still lay tangled in his hair as he worked, only tugging in discomfort as the gauze wrapped tightly around your leg.

"Thank you..” You said when he finally finished, moving back to appreciate his work before giving it a satisfactory nod. His eyes had grown distant again, bits of confusion and uncertainty swirling in the storm of his eyes, and you reached out to stroke your thumb across his cheek. His stony cool expression remained as you touched him, his mouth staying a firm line as he instinctively leaned into your palm. You watched him for a moment before you continued, knowing that his thoughts must be far away.

“It's your turn now, big guy.... your shoulder is still seeping and you can’t keep losing blood like this," You urged him just as you had on the ride to the tower. He had refused to listen then, letting nothing else occupy his mind until he knew you were fully taken care of. But now as you sit safely before him, the only looming threats being Sam and Steve who seem to haunt the hallway outside, he finally relented.

You moved to stand, needing the angle to effectively dig out the bullet still lodged in his muscles, but he held you still with a single large hand on your shoulder, "Stay," he urged you with that low rumble of his. His eyes lingered on yours, ensuring you would do as he asked before he began to move again, gathering the supplies you would need.

He slid his bloody shirt off, revealing the weeping wound beneath and the scars of many wounds past. You expected him to stand in front of you, maybe sit so you could take care of him, but that didn’t seem to be the important thing right now.

He climbed up onto the cold table where you sat, curling onto his side with his back facing the door so his wounded shoulder sat closest to you. His head lay in your lap with a look of unmatched serenity as he pressed his forehead against your rounded belly. And there he rested, quiet and unmoving as he took his quiet moment. But he was far too exposed like this, far too trusting of “threats” lurking outside, and he almost reminded you of Bucky again. Was Bucky fighting to come back…? Was the Winter Soldier trusting you to watch his back? … or was he accepting of something you weren't sure he knew yet?

"Are you sure? It's going to be harder to take the bullet out this way. I don’t want to hurt you more than I have to," you tried to explain as you pulled out the forceps.

But he simply shook his head, "I know my time here is short, my Sun..." he said with an even tone, no semblance of fear to shake his voice, "Please let me enjoy it like this…."

Your voice caught in your throat as he answered, his blunt acceptance and knowing catching you off guard. You wished beyond anything that you could soothe him, to tell him no one was going to hurt him or take him away again. But you wouldn’t lie to him, so instead you said nothing, Your words rasping as you replied, "Of course, My star…."

The room was quiet as you worked, the only noise the sweet mumblings from your boyfriend's lips as he filled your baby’s ears with loving promises. His body let out a grunt and a soft squelch as you finally tugged the crushed bullet out. Pain creased his brow but his words never faltered and neither did the nudges or kicks he got in reply.

Carefully you cleaned up the blood, packing the wound as best you could, but you were sure Tony and his team would be redoing it soon nonetheless.

A sigh escaped him as he heard you putting away your tools, "My Sun?" he asked.

"Yes?"

“Is it time…?”

You cast your eyes downward, looking into those confused and swirling blues as they watched you with unbridled hope.

You nodded, wiping away the tears that welled in your eyes, “It’s time…” you whispered.

He nodded, thinking quietly as he looked down at your belly again, his hand smoothing over the skin he’s exposed, “Will I see you two again…?” 

Your heart broke at the slight waver in his voice, “Oh, my star…” you said, resting your palm against his cheek, “It’s just like I said, ‘you can not lose me in any way that would last’. I’ll see you again and again, in this life and the next,” you assured as you leaned down to kiss his temple, a small smile forming at the corners of his lips. Tears blinked from your eyes as you continued, “I don’t know when, or for how long, but you will see us again. You can always come home to me, and I will always be there to welcome you.” You leaned, slow as not to scare him, and kissed him gently as he turned again to look at you.

 It was awkward at first, but you didn’t mind, you couldn’t imagine the last time the Winter Soldier had felt such gentleness, let alone a kiss. 

But the moment was ripped away as the door opened, Steve, Sam, and Tony all standing in the doorway. “We’re ready for him,” Tony said simply, “Let's get this started so my lab techs can go home….” 

-----

You watched behind thick glass as Tony and his team of technicians attached various wires and machinery to Bucky’s body. Sam and Steve’s hands lie on your shoulders, trying to comfort you as you watch them finish tuning and placing everything. You watched as his blue eyes stared vacantly at the ceiling, as still as a statue as he let them do their work.

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to watch this…” Steve tried to comfort you, but you only shook your head. 

“No… I promised I’d see him off,” you replied, then thought with a pause, “Despite all the warnings Bucky gave me I’m happy I got to see him face to face…” 

“Well, it helps that he wasn’t trying to beat the shit out of you…” Sam mumbled, getting an immediate nudge from you right in one of his bruises, “ Ow…okay, point taken.”

You smiled and shook your head. It was true though; despite the fear, blood, and death that dripped from his moniker, despite the pain you endured in his presence, you would do it all again. Bucky had hidden this part of him from you for so long, only ever showing you half of his face. And though you know he wouldn’t like it, you’re happy to finally see him in full light- to know and love him completely as he’s meant to be.

Tony says something that’s hard to make out through the glass, but you see him give a thumbs up to you all so he must have been ready. He moved to the switch, hesitating for a moment to let you say a quick goodbye. 

Your Soldier’s eyes found yours right away, but there was no trace of sorrow for you to see, no discomfort or fear. In fact, he seemed almost excited; excited and hopeful that when he saw you next he’d have a bundle of joy to look forward to as well. 

“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” you watched him say beyond the glass.

“I’ll see you again, My stars. I’m sure of it…” You replied with a soft smile.

He had just enough time to smile softly back at you, an image now pleasantly etched in your brain before Tony flipped the switch and the reset procedure began. 

You covered your eyes quickly as Bucky’s body began to convulse, his strained grunts and shouts breaching containment despite the way he tried to hold it all back. The sounds of pain continued for minutes, but it felt far longer. Though, it wasn’t until it got quiet that you began to worry. 

“Is it done? Is it over...?” You asked the men on either side of you, afraid to peek past your hands for fear of the worst.

“Doll…?” you heard the familiar voice call, gritty and rough from its recent use but still carrying that same soft tone he used with you.

Your heart swelled, “Bucky...?”

_____________

Taglist: @writingmysanity @simpxinnie (sorry I forgot to tag!)

It's been a while since I've written for our favorite sad man, so if I've missed you/you want to be added to the taglist, DM me to let me know!

[skxllz]

Jealous Ian and Mickey??

say no more

+

“ 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐚𝐲? ”

warnings; mickey being mickey. physical violence (typical shameless shit). ian with rings + getting arrested hehe. blood mention. I think that's it??

date posted; 12.9.23

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usually, ian wasn't the type to get jealous. he had his moments in the past with mick’, with that fucker that had talked shit on ‘im at the bar. and maybe that angie girl... but that was a while ago. maybe even with svetlana, but of course that couldn't be helped. and maybe that one time when they first met you...

okay, maybe ian did get jealous. but that was besides the fact. he's never felt uncontrollable rage before when it's come to anyone other than mickey. the time mickey and svetlana married? he wasn't just heartbroken; he felt the need to actually kill terry and tell svetlana to fuck off in front of everyone, even though technically the circumstances weren't her fault. with you, he's never felt that — not since you started dating him and mickey.

it's funny really, for both of them. it was the moment ian realized he actually was in love with you — same for mickey. only, mick’ didn't realize until after the fact.

it started off with an actual date night between you three. ian told you that him and mickey planned one a while ago but it never sought through because some bitch named sammy got him arrested. you didn't know who the sammy chick was, and ian didn't explain who she was, but you mentally vowed that night to stick it to her. that's why you took them both out a week later, to some fancy restaurant on the west side.

mickey complained about a few things on the way there; the fact that he had to wear a tux, the way it fit him, and that the west side was the last damn place he wanted to be. he claimed it was where the ‘ rich bitches with those stupid nose bandaids ’ live and he wanted no part of that parade. you reassured him though that those noses of theirs would end up bleeding if they gave him the slightest problem.

to say the least, you gave him a boner and a good convincing.

after you arrived at the destination, you had watched while entering the restaurant as the two males gawked at the scenery of the place. it made ian question you just how you were going to afford everything —in which you laughed and just replied with “ don't worry, i’ ”— and mickey mutter under his breath just how much the golden posts by the doorway would go for on ebay. you swatted him on the shoulder since you heard ‘im.

you guys’ little trio was escorted generously to a nice window booth at the back of the restaurant, giving a nice view of the back patio where a fountain and little glowy fairy lights were displayed; giving off a familiar, comfortable feel. and, although you felt as ease, you could mickey still did not by the way he was tugging at different ends of his suit and scooting around in his seat.

“ mick- y’okay? ” ian asked, giving a puzzled questionable expression. the red head had been reading over the drinks menu when he noticed his boyfriend acting out of place.

“ this place gives me the fucking quivers... ” mickey muttered, once again shifting. “ I feel like ‘m bein’ stared at. ”

ian snorted at that. usually mickey didn't let shit get to him - especially people, at that. if there a problem, he'd sort it out himself, so why was he acting off now. “ why's that bothering you? ”

you were now looking at mickey as well, expecting him to answer as you raised your brows curiously. you too wanted to know why he was acting differently.

“ because, ” he sighed in frustration, only then leaning across to table to harshly whisper to Ian, while sparing you a slight glance. “ because I rather not fuckin’ ruin this night for y/n, okay? jesus christ. ”

ian's lips formed an o shape in realization. you were more sensitive than they were, so he could understand why mickey felt that way — didn't want to embarrass you or anything. if that happened, who knows how long of a grudge you'd hold.

mickey sat himself back just as a waiter approached. he was tucking in his finely pressed, button down shirt into his apron, not necessarily paying attention to his surroundings as he dropped a pen from his pocket. y/n realized — and, the good samaritan he was, he scooted out from the booth to crouch down and pick it up.

“ uh- here, ” he stood, pushing his hand out towards the waiter. “ you dropped this. ”

“ oh, ” the waiter extended a hand to take his writing tool back. and, as he did so, lifted his head, “ thank you- y/n? ”

“ blake? ” y/n asked, surprise on his face. “ holy shit. ”

that right there is when the first wave of jealousy struck in the night. the look of realization on both of their faces made Ian and mickey exchange glances — and, although ian felt a twist in his stomach, he wasn't exactly indifferent about the reunion just yet. mickey was, though. he looked sour.

and he was right to. throughout the remainder of the hours there, their waiter, blake, would always give you a smile that was always more than just a smile. he'd stop by more often than meant to, as well. asking for refills when it wasn't necessary, stopping by seconds later thinking he forgot a plate when in reality there was none to take. it pissed your boyfriends off - mickey especially.

the brunette had to withhold standing up and violating the guy where he stands. in mickey's mind, he wishes, wishes, that his stare alone could make this blake motherfucker burst into flames. it'd make his year. probably ian's too, because mick’ knew for a fact that his ginger companion was ready to blow the minute blake stopped by to give you the check.

ian's fingers were death-gripping his fork and his jaw was set. eyes pointed towards the table... and you were oblivious to it - cause you were too busy smiling at him.

“ say- ” blake spoke as he handed off the little black booklet to you, “ since it's been awhile, I was just wondering, would you like to hang out sometime? ”

mickey's head snapped up then. “ the fuck? ” he finally broke for the night. he's had enough. “ no- no, he won't like to fucking hang out sometime, ” mickey mocked, looking absolutely fed up. “ are you fucking nuts? you got some cotton in your damn brain- low iq? ”

the look on blake's face was priceless. his eyes were wide, jaw was dropped open. the hand that had stretched out to take the check back, paused midair. even you were looking at mickey like he was bat shit insane.

which, he probably was. but honestly, what do you expect with dating a milkovich?

“ you need to fucking scram before I pop your head off’a your body like a fucking cork. ” mick’ spat finally - and that was the straw that left the drink empty. you heard enough, scooting closer to mickey to calm him down.

“ mick- ”

“ who the hell are you talking to? ” blake's response made you whip your head around in his direction, eyes as wide as golf balls. was this kid crazy?

mickey looked at ian, who was already looking at him, ready to murder someone, before steering his eyes back onto the blonde male. “ I think I'm fuckin’ talkin’ to you- now y/n, sweetheart, move so I can kill this fucking rat. ”

by now, everyone around was staring. low, hushed voices whispering to one another, other waiters and waitresses watching the scene go down with saucer-bound eyes. a few folks had their phones out, recording, while others were on the phone with police.

“ I'm not moving. ” you sternly spoke, looking mickey in the eye so he knew you meant business. “ you promised you wouldn't make a scene tonight yet here you are, doing exactly that. ”

arms dramatically launched out of gesture to the blonde waiter, “ he was clearly hitting on you! ” mickey emphasized, making sure to get in through your head that you were being blind. you were. “ he wants in your fucking pants! ”

“ he does not want in my pants! ”

“ yes he fucking does! ”

“ stop swearing at me! ”

“ oh fuck off, get a grip! ”

you both were too busy arguing to notice that ian had gotten up from the table and approached blake. it wasn't until you heard gasps around you and a loud “ fuck! ” come from said blonde, followed by a thud, did you and mickey raise your heads.

ian was shaking off his hand with a blank mask of anger while blake lied on the floor, clutching his nose. blood gushed out through the cracks of his fingers, the red liquid flowing down and hitting the dark flooring of the restaurant.

people around looked frightened; staring at ian in horror, as if he was a monster. it was dramatic really.

a few of blake's coworkers rushed to his aid while ian walked back over to you both. his fist was raw and red, and his knuckles were slightly split open, but it wasn't too bad besides that.

“ holy shit... ” mickey breathed out, eyeing blake's bloody face from over your shoulder as he was stood to his feet. he was wobbly, wincing, trying not to shout as someone bumped him. it looked as if ian broke his nose. “ holy shit. ”

“ ian! ” you hissed, “ what the fuck! ”

ian shrugged, “ he got what was coming to him. he shouldn't hit on what isn't his. ”

you blinked lazily. shoulders slumping, breathing coming out in realization. “ but... I'm yours? ”

mickey scoffed and slipped his arm around your shoulders. “ are you insane? of course your ours, y/n. I wouldn't bite someone's fucking dick off for you if you weren't. ”

ian nodded towards mickey, “ what he said. I wouldn't just punch anyone. the dick deserved it. ”

you were silent for a moment, processing the emotions you felt. even though the gossip around you was annoying, you weren't necessarily mad at your boyfriends. moreso, you were just annoyed because the rest of the date was ruined. sure, you had dinner, but you wanted to do much more.

of course though, you couldn't, because the cops ran through the entrance seconds later.

“ he's over there! ” you saw the hostess point towards your red haired companion. ian swore under his breath, only to turn on his heel and book it in the opposite direction.

“ run, i’! ” you scream, looking worried.

“ fucking run like hell, ian! ” mickey looked worried too, surprisingly. I mean, it was his boyfriend, but usually he wouldn't let his emotions get the best of him cause of his pride. but here we are.

the night ended off with ian getting put into cuffs and walked out to the cop car. You and mickey both promised to bail him out somehow, and that you'd explain everything to his siblings.

“ oh- hey, y/n? ” ian called, just as the officer was shoving him into the vehicle.

“ yeah? ” you call back.

“ I love you! ”

your heart damn near skipped a beat. chest fell as you lost breath, a smile of joy spreading across your face. with happiness now in your heart, you lifted your hand, waving him goodbye.

that's when mickey suddenly pulled you by the arm, ripping a gasp from you, and kissed your temple.

“ I love you too, weasel. ”

[outermaybanks]

just a kiss - jj x bi!reader x kie aka 3 times you were oblivious and the one time you knew exactly what you wanted a/n: wrote this entire thing high af, no proofreading we die like men. this is part one bc it ended up too long

part two here

June - the first time.

“We gotta ration it, okay?” JJ said as he shook the baggie of weed. “Ricky’s gonna be M.I.A. this month, he’s going up to Raleigh for pride.” “That actually sounds so fun,” Sarah spoke up from where she sat, John B’s lap. “Too bad all of us are straight,” Pope said. “Yeah… too bad,” Kie replied, her chin in her hand as her eyes moved to her boyfriend’s, who was already watching her with a focused look. Your eyebrows screwed together in confusion. Sure, you were still relatively new to this friend group, but surely you’d told them? “Um… I’m not straight. I’m bi,” you corrected.

Pope’s jaw hung slightly agape. Sarah’s eyelashes fluttered. Kie sat up straight. “Oh… cool,” John B said. “See? We could totally go, show our support for y/n,” Sarah said, you giggled, slightly relieved they were all fine. “I still think it’d be inappropriate for us to go, we’re almost all straight,” Pope corrected. “Everyone can celebrate love, Pope,” Sarah huffed. “If you really want to celebrate the fact that I eat pussy, Sarah, I’d settle for a bonfire,” you joked, but John B smiled. “Sounds like a good thing to celebrate. C’mon, JJ,” John B said, carefully lifting Sarah off his lap, placing her beside him before he stood up.

JJ’s eyes finally left his girlfriend’s and quickly moved to you, before he followed behind John B. Pope looked around the room, both Sarah and Kie were watching you, meanwhile, you were trying to avoid both of their gazes. “I’m gonna go help,” he said as he jumped up, following behind the two boys.

You were used to people having questions, and you could tell both girls had some, so you decided to get yours out of the way. “I thought you guys knew… you’re not gonna get all weird on me now, right?” “Oh my god, of course not, babes. It’s like, none of our business, right Kie?” “Totally,” Kie agreed. You smiled, awkwardly if nothing else. “Do you guys… have any questions?” “Does your family know or is this, like, a secret?” Sarah asked. “No, my family knows. My dad has a gay brother, so I lucked out, my family’s always been super supportive.” “How… How did you know?” your head turned to look at Kie, who was sitting on the other side of the room. A smile slowly worked your way onto your lips, remembering something a butch woman had said to you once: only two types of girls asked that question: homophobes, and closeted girls. Something told you Kie wasn’t homophobic. “Uhhh… I just did. I always just liked whoever I liked, boy or girl. I had my first girlfriend in 8th grade, and that pretty much solidified it,” you answer with a chuckle. “So what’s your type?” “Hot… funny.”

I’m hot, Kie couldn’t help but think. And funny. JJ’s hot and funny. “So you don’t have a preference? Like… girl more than guys, guys more than girls?” Sarah asked, and Kie was grateful. “Um… Hypothetically no, I have dated more girls than guys though. It’s just hard for me to find a guy I can vibe with, who’s like… actually cool with me being bi. Most guys turn it into a weird fetish thing.”

Kie’s eyes widened and she looked down at her feet. She was no better. What the hell was she thinking? You were her friend, and worse, you were the daughter of JJ’s boss at the auto shop. 

Later, as the sun began to set and the boys got the fire going, you were standing a few feet away from the fire, when you suddenly felt something cold on your arm, making you jump. JJ let out a giggle as he held the beer out for you. You rolled your eyes, but smiled as you took it from him. “So… how come I never knew you liked girls?” JJ had known you the longest, well, technically Pope had chemistry with you sophomore year, but JJ was the first one to really know you. “You never asked. And unlike some people, I don’t go after anything with a pulse,” you jab your finger into his arm. He lets out a small laugh, inching away but then settling right back beside you. “Nah,” he said softly. “I’m not like that anymore. I only go after girls I really like.” You smiled. “Kie’s really cool, I’m glad you introduced us.” As if on cue, Kie’s voice came from the hammock. “Come sit with me, Jayj” “Yeah, she seems to really like you,” JJ said before walking over to get in the hammock with Kie. You furrowed your eyebrows and stared into your beer can, trying to figure out why it felt like you and JJ were speaking in riddles.

Fourth of July - the second time.

“John B put me down!” Sarah’s voice shouted as her boyfriend carried her closer to the water. You used your hand to shield your eyes from the sun as you let out a giggle, watching them. “Did you put on sunscreen, y/n?” Kie’s voice stole your attention. “Hm? Oh, no, not yet.” “Here let me help you,” Kie said, scooting closer. “Oh, thank you,” you replied, moving your hair out of the way for her. Kie hesitated, but then you felt her soft touch trail from one shoulder to the other. When you felt the coolness of the sunscreen against your warm skin, you let out a soft sound, a sound Kie should’ve ignored, but couldn’t. 

“Thanks, Kie,” you said with a smile, standing up. If your back hadn’t been turned, you would have caught the look JJ and Kie exchanged. “Hey, y/n, wait up!” JJ called, quickly getting to his feet to follow you towards the water. “Mind if I join you?” “It’s a free country, Maybank,” you replied. JJ seemed unsure, still learning to read you. You decide to give him a break, and with a competitive raise of your eyebrows, almost like a dare, you give him exactly one second before you take off running towards the water. JJ is instantly chasing after you, and just as your toes feel the cold of the water, arms wrap around you, spinning you around. At first you laugh, but then you quickly remember, someone could take this the wrong way.

JJ puts you back on the ground, instantly noticing the difference in the way your body tensed at his touch. “What’s up? Did I go too far?” JJ asked. “I just… I wouldn’t want Kie to get the wrong idea and think I’m trying to come between you guys or something, y’know?” “You don’t have to worry about that,” JJ chuckled. “What?” “Me and Kie trust each other, besides, if she saw something she didn’t like, you would know,” JJ gestured to where Kie was, still sitting on the blanket. She gave a wave, which meant she had clearly been watching you and JJ. You looked back to JJ, and his words seemed like the answer to a riddle you didn’t know yet: if she saw something she didn’t like… 

JJ got in the water, once it was up to his ankles he splashed some water towards you, egging you to join him. You looked between him and Kie once more before getting in the water, pushing the thoughts from your head.

That night, you all went to the Chateau to shoot off some fireworks, have another bonfire, drink, the usual, but what was unusual was Kie and JJ.

“Do you need another drink, y/n?” JJ would ask. “Come do sparklers with me, y/n/n,” Kie would say. No matter what was happening, it seemed at least 1/2 of the couple would always be beside you.

When you guys ran out of fireworks, you all sat around the bonfire and settled for a game of truth or dare. For a while, that was normal too; Sarah dared John B to skinny dip, Pope confessed to cheating on a test in math last year, John B dared JJ to do a wheelie on his bike, but then it was JJ’s turn. “Y/n, truth or dare?” You bit your lip, normally, you liked to play it safe, but while JJ worked for your dad, you found yourself building a genuine friendship with him, and one thing you know about JJ is he never turns down a dare, so how could you? “Dare.” “I dare you… to…. kiss Kie.” Your eyebrows raised, that was hardly a challenge to you. Kie was pretty, funny, down to earth, and already becoming a good friend. All the guys, and Sarah, got an excited look on their face; Kie had an unreadable expression. “Oh please-” You practically taunt. “That’s hardly a dare.” “Oh yeah? Then by all means,” JJ put his hand out, gesturing to Kie as if to tell you to get on with it. “You should be more worried,” you said as you got up from your spot to move and sit beside Kie, her eyes following you the entire way. 

“I should be worried? Why’s that, cupcake?” JJ asked, leaning in to get a better view. “Because I’m a really good kisser,” you reply before turning your full attention to Kie. Now you can read her expression; she was excited. “Is this okay?” you ask softly and she nods, slowly closing her eyes. You shoot one more look to JJ before bringing your hands up to cup Kie’s face before leaning in and pressing your lips to hers. She was still, but then she kissed back, her hands coming up to touch your arms. The soft touch left goosebumps in their trail; you had to pull away. Kie’s eyes were big and lost when she opened them, almost like she didn’t understand why you had pulled away. You don’t know what came over you, but you pulled her in for a second kiss, which resulted in a round of cheers and wolf whistles from your friends while Kie’s hands balled in the front of your shirt, pulling you in closer. She looked much less lost when you pulled away the second time.

The game ended after that due to JJ’s insistence that it was time for a round of shots, so you all went inside. Pope was the first to clonk out shortly after taking his shot. JJ and Kie stepped out onto the back porch, leaving you with John B and Sarah.

“So, y/n, how are you liking the group?” Sarah asked, practically in a ball while sitting on John B’s lap. You had only been hanging out with them for a couple months, three at the most, but every second with them has been fun. “I really love your guys’ vibes, yknow? Very grateful JJ brought me along,” you answer, a small smile on your face.

“Where is JJ? And Kie?” “I think they’re on the porch talking,” you answer. “Boo!” Sarah whined, making you giggle. “I’ll go get them,” you offer, standing up from your spot. 

You go out to the mudroom, and through the screen of the back door, you can hear them talking.

“JJ, I know, but I-” “Kie… I love you, I want to do this with you, and-and y’know, maybe I kinda like her too, but… Kie. It’s not like she’s a rando or-or a touron!” “I know!” Whatever they were talking about seemed intense, and eavesdropping made you feel guilty, so you reacted to your first instinct. “Hey guys, John B and Sarah miss you,” you say quickly as you swing the door open, catching both of them by surprise. Both of them look like they were caught with their hands in the cookie jar, but Kie quickly walked past you, going back inside. JJ sighed, leaning against the railing. Your eyebrows furrow, and you hesitantly step forward, letting the door shut behind you.

“You okay, J?” You asked, moving to be closer to him. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” JJ brushed off with a small chuckle, one that seemed forced. You bite your lip before fully committing to standing beside him, leaning on the railing.

“I-I know I’m still new to the friend group… and I know it might be weird to tell your boss’ daughter what’s going on… but I am your friend too.” JJ sighed, biting his lip. “I just… I’m in between a rock and a hard place.” “Oh yeah? Wanna tell me about it?”

JJ chewed on the inside of his lip as he thought it over, then he smiled. “Nah, how ‘bout we go find Kie, smoke a j.” You force a smile. JJ took a while to warm up, he didn’t like to talk about his feelings, but that just meant the few times he confided in you were that much more special. 

You and JJ went inside, only to find Kie alone, sitting on the couch which has now been pulled out into a bed. “John B and Sarah went to ‘sleep’,” she explained, putting sleep in suggestive air quotes. You chuckled as you sat back in your chair, JJ sat beside Kie on the bed, leaning over to the side table for his rolling tray.

“Did you have a good Fourth, y/n?” Kie asked. You smiled. “Yeah, I did. I usually just spend it with my dad.” “Booooo!” JJ spoke up, making you chuckle again. Kie smiled.

“What about you, Kie? How was your first girl kiss?” You ask, almost teasingly.

“Um,” Kie said, then turned her head to look to JJ. This time, facing them, you saw the look they exchanged. “It was fine. Just a kiss, right?” She tried to laugh it off, but something was gnawing at you, but that was the exact moment JJ finished rolling the joint. “Ta-da!” He displayed his work proudly. You quickly leaned over, putting a hand on the bed for balance as you snatched it from his hand. “Yoink!” 

JJ chuckled as he let you take it, leaning over to light it for you after you put it between your lips. 

“Y’know… I um-” Kie cleared her throat, you watched her carefully as you took your hit. “I was thinking about it, and I feel a little guilty.” You held the smoke in for a beat, then exhaled, blowing the smoke up, and getting up to sit on the bed so it’d be easier to pass the joint. You held it out, JJ was the first to take it. “Guilty?” you asked. “Yeah… I mean… It doesn’t really seem fair, does it? JJ’s my boyfriend, if I get to kiss someone else, he should too.” She said softly, taking the joint from JJ after he took his hit. “Should I wake Pope up?” you teased, making JJ chuckle. Kie held in her smoke, but then was silent even after she exhaled. “Y'know, I always thought we’d make a lovely couple,” JJ added, making you giggle. “Well, I mean… the most fair thing would be if JJ kissed you too,” Kie explained, holding the joint out for you. At first, you thought she was joking, so you laughed, but she didn’t. Her face was very serious. “Wait, seriously?” you asked as you took the joint from her. “Yeah, I mean… not if you don’t want to, but-” Kie looked between JJ and you. “I-I think it’d make me feel better.”

You were at a lack of words, and looked to JJ as you took your hit. He glared at Kie, but when he turned to face you, his face softened. You held the joint out for him, he took it and looked back to Kie once more, this time also softer.

“I mean, is that- would you-” Kie was a bit flustered for words.  “I’m gonna be honest, this kinda feels like a trap,” you said, putting your hands up in surrender. “What? No, no, not at all! I just… want things to be equal for JJ and I… and like I said, it’s just a kiss, right?”

Out of your peripheral vision, you see JJ turn to look at you, so you look at him. You saw a flash of pink as his tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip. “Fuck it. I’m down if you are, y/n,” JJ said quickly. Your eyes quickly glanced back to Kie, she had a hint of a smile on her face as she stared back at you. “Okay… it’s just a kiss,” you say softly. JJ turns his body slightly to face you more, so you follow his actions. You’re nervous, but you don’t know why, you’ve kissed boys before.

“You look a little worried there, y/n. What, do I look like a good kisser or something?” JJ asked in a soft voice as he leaned in closer. You swallowed before closing your eyes and practically lurching forward to press your lips to his. JJ was surprised, but wasted no time kissing you back, his hand moving to your waist to pull you closer. JJ smiled against your lips before a small chuckle escaped him, and you took that as your cue to pull away, but JJ quickly pulled you back to him. 

“She got two,” was his only explanation when you two pulled away for good. Your first instinct was to look at Kie, and you were surprised to see a smile on her face. She looked so pretty when she smiled. “Who has the joint?” You ask, trying to push the thoughts of both Kie and JJ out of your mind. Kie quickly leaned over to hand it to you, and you took a hit as the three of you exchanged looks, none of you sure how to move on from what just happened. 

“Okay, I think it’s past my bedtime,” you say, getting up and stretching. “Where are you going?” Kie asked worriedly. “Mud room. Couch,” you answer, like it should have been obvious. “No way, that couch feels like a brick and it gets super hot in there. You can sleep here, with us,” Kie said it like it was nothing, but to you it very much felt like something.

“Yeah, can’t have you bitchin’ and moanin’ about a sore back tomorrow when we go surfing,” JJ added with a smirk. You bit your lip. Nothing wrong with sleeping in the same bed as your friends…

Kie offered you the spot in the middle, but you insisted on the edge, JJ taking the other. You tried to sleep, but found yourself staring at the ceiling in the darkness, replaying the events of the day. You didn’t expect kissing Kie to feel like that, and you definitely didn’t expect kissing JJ to feel like that. 

“Y/n?” Kie’s soft voice asked in a whisper. You turned your head, and once your eyes adjusted, you could make out her face. “Yeah?” “I really enjoyed today…” “... I did too.” In the darkness you still managed to see her smile.

©ᵒᵘᵗᵉʳᵐᵃʸᵇᵃⁿᵏˢ ²⁰²⁴

[yikesmary]

TWO: LIVE IN BOYFRIEND — choi seungcheol x reader

summary: when you have to get used to choi seungcheol as your roommate and fake boyfriend.

notes: thank you guys for all the love you guys gave the first (technically first even if it’s not labeled as the first?) part of what I guess is becoming a series? depending on if I get ideas or not, uploading parts to this series may or may not take long. ill also be accepting ideas for the stories if you guys have any ideas!

btw this chapter focuses more on the contrast of how you and Seungcheol started as people who agreed to fake date vs how you guys will act now. you guys are still fake dating but to people it's very real because you guys act the part.

i'm still accepting requests if you guys have them! it can be for this series or for a one shot, just send an ask.

join my taglist!

previous / next

"We need to discuss some ground rules," You said as you and Seungcheol walked around the mall, finding stores to browse through.

"What ground rules do we need? I live with you, and I pretend to be your boyfriend," he said.

"How did we meet? Who asked who out? Where was our first date? Do we let people know we're living together? How long do we say we're together?" You listed out, counting off with your fingers.

"Don't you have a class with Wonwoo?" Seungcheol suddenly asked.

"Jeon Wonwoo? Yeah, I do. Why do you know that?" you asked.

"We say that Wonwoo introduced us and we were friends for a while. I wanted to ask you out but you beat me to it. Our first date was me teaching you basketball, and it was not pretty." He teased.

"How'd you know I'm bad at basketball?" you questioned.

"I mean, when you nearly died after choking on noodles, I guessed you aren't the most graceful," he joked.

You rolled your eyes and hit him lightly on the shoulder. Spotting a store you wanted to go to, you grabbed Seungcheol's forearm and dragged him with you.

"Anyways, we should let people know we're living together. It tells people we're serious and your ex he's a jackass for breaking up with you the way he did," he said, grabbing a shirt and showing it to you to look at.

Nodding in approval, you grabbed the shirt and continued to look through the racks. "Besides creating a story of our relationship, we make other rules,"

"Like?"

You grabbed a few more items before going in line for the cashier. Counting how much money you had, you realized you had to return a few things. You tried walking out of a line but Seungcheol stopped you and shook his head.

"Like don't fall in love with each other," you said, and he scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"We're not gonna fall in love with each other," Seungcheol said.

Once you guys were the next people in line, the cashier started scanning all of the items. Moving to pay, you stopped once you realized that Seungcheol already had his card out and was on his way to pay.

"You didn't have to do that," you told him.

"Think of it as a present. From one roommate to the other," he said.

"Anyways, what were you saying about not falling in love with each other?"

"Have you seen every movie that involves fake dating? The two main protagonists always fall in love without knowing!"

"Those are movies, this is real life,"

When you exited the store, you turned to face him. "How about we just agree to stay friends?"

"Just friends,"

"I'm home!" You called out, putting your keys in the bowl that Seungcheol put after you lost your keys and had to use his for the 3rd time.

When you entered the living room, you saw that your living room was filled with both yours and Seungcheol's friends sitting at every possible chair. "Hello Cheol and everyone who doesn't live here," you greeted.

"How was your nail appointment?" Seungcheol asked and you smiled and walked towards him to hold up your nails to show him.

He took your hands and observed them, "you chose the color I suggested," he said.

You shrugged, "I didn't have any other color ideas and it looked pretty,"

"Now, tell me, why are there twelve of our friends in our apartment when they don't live here?" you questioned.

"We didn't have any food!" Jeonghan interjected.

As if practiced, the sound of Minghao drinking a cup of tea and Jun eating something crunchy filled the room. Jihoon then opened a bag of candy, which caught the attention of others and they grabbed handfuls from the bag.

"And you finish all of ours?!" You jokingly shouted.

"You guys are supposed to go grocery shopping anyways," Seungkwan pointed out.

"Can you guys get more chips? You guys ran out of the ones I like," Vernon said with a mouthful of the chips as mentioned earlier.

"And soda!" Chan exclaimed.

"You tell me the word and I'll kick all of them out," Seungcheol offered.

Ignoring all of the shouted protests from your friends, you shook your head, "It's fine as long as Mingyu's cooking,"

Everyone in the room turned to Mingyu, who sighed and stood up to go to the kitchen. "Don't make a mess of our kitchen or else!" You called out.

"How about you change into comfortable clothes and I'll make these idiots decide on a movie," Seungcheol said.

"Nothing that's too scary or else Seokmin and Soonyoung will have nightmares," you reminded him.

"I don't think they'll get nightmares—" Joshua started saying, but a stern look from you cut him off.

"They'll get nightmares, nevermind," he backtracked.

"You make us sound like kids!" Soonyoung said.

"It's cause you are," Wonwoo commented.

"This is like a daycare," you muttered.

"Go change. I managed to get your favorite snacks away from the guys," Seungcheol told you.

You smiled at him before going to your room to change like you originally planned to.

Maybe this fake dating thing was going better than you thought it was going to.

[sam24]

Minivans And Pawnshops

Summary: You were out on a mission for a week, and when Tony, your self-appointed overprotective bodyguard, notices your Greek god of a boyfriend acting weird, he makes it his personal duty to figure out why. By asking Steve what was going on? Hell no. By slipping a Stark Tracker on him and shoving 11 people into an 8-seater Honda Odyssey to follow him.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!reader

*****

“Take a left.” Friday’s monotone voice rang out.

“Take a left here, Happy,” Tony instructed, looking up from the Stark Map on his phone.

Happy rolled his eyes, mumbling something along the lines of I know, the robot already told me.

“This isn’t necessary, Tony,” You repeated for about the hundredth time. “Steve is not cheating on me.”

“My evidence says otherwise,” Tony urged Happy to drive faster, earning a grumble from the latter. “He’s acting very suspicious, always going out and coming back late every time.”

“Actually, I can vouch for Tony on that one,” Clint adds from his squished place in the last row of the mini-van, practically sitting in an annoyed Natasha’s lap. “He’s been acting pretty weird.”

“Doesn’t automatically mean that he’s cheating,” You defended. “He probably has other reasons.”

“Fine. Cheating or fight club. Which would you prefer?” Tony cocked his head at you, and you shoved it back.

“If he is bedding another woman, I will make sure he cannot bed any woman ever again!” Thor declared loudly into your ear, Wanda also wincing on the other side of him.

“You mean cut his dick off?” Sam piped in from the back, who was purposefully shoving into Bucky with every turn the car made.

“Um, indeed. I think so,” Thor shrugged. “I am not sure what I meant either.”

“Uh Mister Stark?” Peter turns around from the passenger seat that he was sharing with a very uncomfortable Bruce. “Did you really have to bring all of us? I have a lot of math homework to finish.”

Tony waved him off. “I have like 30 assistants back at the tower, kid. Someone will do it for you. Plus, all of us have to catch Rogers in the act and publicly shame him.”

You turned back to Tony, remembering what you both were initially arguing about after the ringing in your ear settled down. “You didn’t have to sneak a damn tracking device on him! You could have just asked what he was doing like a normal person.”

“Fuck being normal. At least be grateful that I waited for you until you came back from your mission to catch him red handed.” Tony smirked. “Or should I say cum handed.”

Everyone gagged.

“Actually, I don’t think that’s how it works,” Vision frowned, basically underneath Wanda. “The semen technically would not be in the Captain’s hand, unless-”

“Vis, honey.” Wanda just shook her head.

“Plus, I already asked Cyborg over here.” Tony pointed to the back at Bucky, who was still glaring at Sam. “He went uhh, I don’t know and ran away,” Tony said in his best dumb jock voice.

“Nothing is going on, Tony.” Bucky narrowed his eyes. “Just turn the car around.”

“I agree with Barnes.” Natasha kicked Tony’s seat from the third row. “Turn around, Happy.”

Bucky looked past Sam and Clint, who were hitting each other’s knees with their own. “Steve told you too?” He asked in Russian with a raised eyebrow.

Natasha shook her head with a smirk. “No. I’m just smart like that.”

“Too late, buddy,” Tony ignored their secret conversation, flashing a fake smile over his shoulder. “Like the great John B once said, ‘We didn’t come this far to get this far’.”

Peter whipped around once again, his eyes lighting up at the quote. “Mister Stark, I’m really glad that you’re watching my TV show recommendations, but I’m pretty sure someone else said it before he did-”

“Happy, take another left here.” Tony called out, mimicking the AI who just said it seconds before.

You rolled your eyes, the red dot in the center of Brooklyn on the phone screen catching your attention. You had no reason to doubt Steve’s loyalty toward your relationship. He loved you and you loved him and you knew that he would never do anything to hurt you. But, you were curious as to why Steve was apparently acting weird while you were gone, and what the hell he was doing in Brooklyn.

“Trust me, Tone. He’s not cheating. I’ll just ask him when he comes back, it’s probably just some stuff he has to take care of.”

“C’mon guys,” Bucky pressed. “Let’s turn around. I need to pee or something.”

“Hm, sounds like you're in denial.” Tony said to you, ignoring Bucky once again. “Don’t worry, the next step will be coming soon. Anger,” Tony announced with a grin like it was some kind of flashy news headline.

“Tony, why the hell does it sound like you want my boyfriend to be cheating on me.”

“Aw come on, it’s not like that,” Tony gestured at Happy to take a right. “I’m just looking out for you.”

You rolled your eyes once again, rubbing your wrist, remembering the death grip Tony had on you earlier as he dragged you into the light blue Honda Odyssey packed tight of Avengers in the back of his garage. He was saving it for his future family, he had claimed when you asked why Tony Stark of all people owned a minivan.

“Stop!” Tony yelled, and Happy quickly stepped on the brake, sending everyone flying forward. You heard Bruce and Peter groaning in the front. “This is it. The big reveal,” he announced.

You immediately scooted ever closer to Tony as he pressed his forehead to the window.

“He’s having an affair with . . .” Tony paused with a frown, his sunglasses sliding down the slope of his nose. “The owner of Vintage Pawn Shop?”

Pawn shop? Didn't Steve say something about a pawn shop a while back?

Identical confused eyebrow furrows made their way onto everyone’s faces, except Bucky’s and Natasha’s, as you spotted your unmistakable 6 foot 2 super soldier through the glass littered with fingerprints.

He was describing something to the old lady working in the store, looking hopeful and tired, like he had been searching for it for days. She nodded and raised her finger in a one minute, honey type of way and started rummaging through some things behind the counter. She pulled out a small box from somewhere, opening it and gently placing it in front of Steve.

You squinted your eyes, accidentally shoving Tony’s head into the window of the car as you craned your neck closer, trying to read the woman’s lips.

She said something along the lines of This might be what you’re looking for, sweetie, and Steve’s eyes lit up, a clear wave of nostalgia crashing over him. With gentle calloused fingers, he lifted a ring out of the box, admiring it with a soft smile.

“Friday,” Tony called out, face still squished between you and the car window. “Connect to the store’s CCTV.”

Before you could ask since when the hell Friday could do that, the Stark Map with a You have arrived at your destination adorned on its screen quickly was replaced with the live footage from the store’s cameras.

“Did this belong to someone that you knew, honey?” The old woman’s kind voice grainily made its way through the speaker of Tony’s phone as she noticed Steve’s eyes glistening with tears.

Everyone tried to move closer to the phone for Steve’s reply in the overcrowded car. “Ow!” You heard Clint yell, probably at Sam. “That was my foot, dumbass!” He was immediately shushed.

“Yeah.” Steve nodded, still smiling at the ring. “My ma’s.”

Multiple gasps were heard throughout the car, Happy’s being the loudest.

A weeks old, sleepy memory that was buried deep into your brain immediately flooded back.

You and Steve were wrapped around each other, your ear pressed to his heart, slowly lulling you to sleep with a familiar beat.

“Y’know, you remind me of my ma.” Steve randomly declared against your hair, and you peered up at him to meet the soft currents in his eyes. “Beautiful. Kind. Doesn’t take shit from anyone.”

He pressed a kiss to your lips as you smiled, cupping your face to pull back and look at you. He stared lovingly at you for a while, settling into a comfortable silence.

“Everything okay?” You turned your head to kiss his palm. The last time he had looked at you for this long without talking, it was right before he burst into tears after you had almost died on a mission.

“Yeah, sweetheart. Just thinking.” He pulled you back into his chest, placing another kiss on your forehead. “She would’ve loved you.”

After a little bit of silence, he spoke again. “Her ring was beautiful.”

“Oh?” You hummed.

“Yeah.” He nuzzled his nose into your cheek, a slight Brooklyn accent slipping through as he talked slowly, his words laced with sleep. “Don’t know where it is, but I wanna find it for you. I’ll look through every pawn shop in the state. And when I find it I’ll propose when the time’s right under the stars and you’ll say yes because you’re just like my ma, and Ma loved me more than anything in the world.”

If Steve had brought up the topic of marrying you during the day when you were wide-awake, you probably would have had a stroke of happiness.

But right now, it was night.

It was night and you were half-asleep, wrapped up in Steve’s warm arms, feeling more at peace there than you ever had anywhere else.

Nothing but peace.

So you just drowsily grinned into his bare chest, your hand snaking up to rest on his cheek. “She loved you more than anything in the world, huh?” You repeated. “Well then I guess your Ma and I are pretty similar.”

You looked up from the screen and back at the window, staring at the ring in Steve’s hand with wide eyes. The sunlight bounced off of it and the jewel sparkled in the light with an elegant touch. Steve was right- it was absolutely gorgeous.

A smile crept onto your face, matching the one on Steve’s.

“Why the hell are you smiling?” Tony’s voice interrupted your daze. “He’s gonna propose to the side chick!”

[pleasantlycrazyworld]

Hi I just finished reading the steve harrington x reader imagine where its their one year anniversary and reader finds out about the bet, I was wondering if you could maybe do a 2nd part where Steve somehow finds a way to win reader back and decide to still be bf and girlfriend rather than start all over again and steve asks reader out officially (since he asked her out bc of a bet originally) and they have their date where he reasks her to be his gf, then time skip to where its their 2 year anniversary and he proposes🤍

I got so carried away....oops? Over 4k words

I didn't get into the propose but I totally can if anyone wants me to! I hope you enjoy and it was worth the wait, I am thinking of making an alternative version of this where the reader doesn't take him back, if you want tagged lmk!

Steve was not the same without you. Anyone and everyone could tell. He showed up late to work, never talked to the customers, and he hasn't spoken to Robin, Nancy, or anyone from the group for that matter. He just wanted to disappear into his bed and never be discovered.

However, just because he was in his bed didn't mean he slept. No, he hasn't slept since you left, and if he did, it was for minutes at a time. Instead of sleeping, he just stared. Stared at your side of the bed, stared at pictures of you two together, stared at the ring that haunted him. All he could do was stare.

You weren't doing any better. You didn't just lose Steve but you lost your best friends too, being betrayed by your boyfriend hurt but being betrayed by who you considered the closest friends in your life hurt you the most. You couldn't bring yourself to reach out, anytime the phone rang you just let it ring, anytime there was a knock on the door you just waited under mounds of blankets for the person to leave. Everyone was concerned for the two of you but no one knew how to help, that is until Dustin went and forced Steve to get out of bed. For a 15 year old Dustin was surprisingly strong, Steve found this out when he was dragged out of his bed and into the shower. "You are showering. You are going to make yourself presentable and you are going to go talk to her. At least make sure she's still breathing." Dustin rolls his eyes but he misses how Steve's breathing got caught in his throat hearing that you weren't doing well, even if Dustin just briefly mentioned it.

Steve didn't care about himself, he lost you and that ended with him losing himself, but he never stopped caring about you. He rushed through the shower and hurried to get presentable once again before dragging his ass to the car and headed to your house after making a quick stop to the flower shop. The entire ride to your house he gave himself multiple pep-talks. "I'm a douche....this is noticeable, everyone can see that but" he sighs softly and shakes his head as he feels tears starting to form, "But with you...god y/n with you I wanted to be better. I will be better for you, I want to be the man you deserve even if I can never achieve that. Fuck maybe I'm just selfish...I definitely don't deserve you, no one...no one deserves an angel like you." When Steve pulls into your driveway tears are falling freely down his cheeks, he gets out of the car and grabs the flowers he bought you while choking back sobs. He doesn't bother knocking, if what Dustin told him he knows you won't bother answering the door. Even though you've been apart for weeks now he still has keys to your place so technically....not breaking and entering???

He softly walks through your home trying not to disturb anything, not wanting to taint anything more than he already has. He is in front of your bedroom door much quicker than he was prepared, the door was already opened and the sight before him destroyed his already broken heart. In front of him was the love of his life, under mounds of blankets with the only evidence of life being the slow rise and fall of the blankets.

"Oh princess..." he softly speaks breaking the silence. You jump slightly, blankets falling off your figure, at the sound of a familiar voice, a haunting voice. "Steve...." Your voice creaks and your sight blurs, sitting up straight you feel your breathing stop at the sight of the man before you. Even though he tried his hardest to look presentable for your presence he was still a clear mess. His hair was disheveled, his cheeks were blotchy and eyes bright red. He walks to your side slowly as if he was approaching an injured animal, "Princess I..." His voice cracks and lip quivers as a sob wins the fight he was trying to win. "I am so sorry! I-I never...never meant for this to happen, never fuck i never wanted to hurt you. I was going to tell you but everything was going so well I just didn't want to lose you" Your throat gets tight and begins to burn as you fight the tears that were determined to fall. "Steve I...I loved you."

Loved....Loved....past tense....loved

"No....baby no not loved... I love you. I love you. How can I fix this? There has to be a way to fix this I...fuck I can't lose you forever. This might have started as a bet but my love for you was never apart of it. I've never loved someone as much as I love you"

A scoff and an eye roll is what he's met with, causing him to panic even more at the thought of never having you in his life again. But then you move closer to him and you take the flowers from his hands. "We can try to start over..." You whispered softly

----Time skip-----

It's been two years since the break up, it's been two years since starting over. And things had never been better, Steve never wanted to lose you and tonight he's hoping that he can assure that you'll be his forever with a ring on your left hand.

Tagging: @emmyshortcake @succubusmunson @bloodthirstybreedingbunny @ghosttownwherenoonegoes @keerysfolklore @eddiesguitarskills @mystargirl-interlude @lofaewrites @sweet-villain

[freddie-77-ao3]

TRANS PEOPLE AT CAMP HALF BLOOD BC I'M IN A MOOD™️ RIGHT NOW

NON BINARY:

Connor Stoll (they/them). Connor got to camp at age four, where someone just assumed he was named connor, so they took up the name of a dead boy named connor and decided that yeah, he/him was alright. didn't know what trans meant at the time, they just sort of... anyway, then after the battle of the labyrinth they came out as NB.

wood nymphs. they've got a different gender system than demigods, as well as different pronouns, but to keep it simple for the campers your best bet is they/them.

the resident god Dionysus ofc. he has a complicated relationship with gender (see his chapter in PJ's Greek Gods) but basically, doesn't care what you call him. he/they generally.

MTF:

Drew Tanaka! she's just. always considered herself a girl. there was never any hesitation. her mom called her son and she just. did not compute. her mom was accepting and just sort of called aphrodite up and told her that actually she had given birth to a girl. Aphrodite sent down a new wardrobe in return. she never changed her name.

Clarisse la Rue. she came out when she was twelve. her mom didn't accept her, but clarisse had run away years before that so... her mother never apologized. when clarisse went to her house with chris, it was only because she was truly desperate. after the battle of manhattan clarisse called her once, and. never again.

Lou Ellen Blackstone. she told cecil and will when they were eleven or so (SOM) but didn't really come out to everyone else until one of the hunters pulled her aside in TTC to ask if she wanted to join bc the hunters are super good at finding girls apparently. lou ellen really regrets this but somehow cecil convinced her to make her legal name Louise-Eleanor (first) Wilmadeen (middle) Cecilia (middle) Blackstone. it-- she pretends it's just lou ellen. don't bring it up. Will thinks there was a murder involved and-- well neither of them are telling him otherwise, that's all i'm saying.

FTM: (oh boy here's where I projected a whole bunch)

PERCY MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON. alright folks you ready? so percy came out when he was twelve RIGHT before TLT picks up. struggling mother sally jackson immediately accepts him no questions asked (well there are a few questions but) she gets him onto puberty blockers from a free clinic on forth street right away and changes his name legally. financially they're still struggling, obviously, but sally is picking up some extra shifts. she's already planning on having percy go on T when he turns 16 (if he lives that long--) and after manhattan poseidon and sally sit him down and are like: okay so technically because of ancient laws poseidon can't just snap his fingers but uh if you want a real easy top surgery just do a really easy quest for him and he'll magic your tits away and percy agrees of course so poseidon drops a sand dollar on the ground and in the. most. indifferent voice possible he goes "oh no. my sand dollar. i need a hero." and percy picks it up-- and done. that's when he decides to join the swim team because he doesn't need to bind anymore. also when he heard the prophecy percy immediately went, well i know it says im going to die but hey the universe recognises me as a dude that's pretty cool right. very affirming for him.

NEXT UP we've got michael. height dysphoria kicks ass so seriously don't mention how short he is. anyway michael thought that it was spelt micheal so he chose it for the pun and to feel connected to his dad. uh. don't bring that up to him either. anyway despite being very short, michael's usually pretty stealth. he came out in ttc when he asks jake mason out bc luke used to date his brother lee and michael basically goes "hey do you want to go out i promise i'll be a good boyfriend and not leave you like luke left lee." and jake just bluescreens for a moment because wait, BOYfriend, and anyway after that michael realises he never told anyone. (not necessary to the post but jake said yes) oh, also, his middle name is john. why? who knows. it wasn't significant or anything, clarisse just turned to him one day and said, "you know, you look like a john." so yeah, Michael John Yew. also he liked archery bc it was a lot easier to bind in so.

following that you'll find that actually the three main pjo apollo boys are trans. so WILLIAM ANDREW SOLACE. my baby boy is-- well he's got a lot going on. Will binds (but when he turns 16 he's going to get top surgery and he is. very excited) and don't let his mild mannered doctor self fool you he is a HYPOCRITE when it comes to binding, like that bitch will nag you for hours if you bind for over 8 hours and then you'll see him come off a 48 hour infirmary shift still binding. when he was young and his mother was touring, she left him with his grandparents. He tried to come out at five and cut all of his hair off, but his grandparents kicked him out. Clarisse found him in Texas and brought him to camp. which isn't SATS compliant but I haven't read it yet so *shrug*. Anyway Andrew is after Apollo, when Apollo first met Naomi, he called himself Andrew.

Lee Fletcher is also trans. He was fully transitioned by the time he died. He was super upper class when he came out and his mum stopped speaking to him, but he kept his wealth and became a staunch advocate for trans rights until he died. Anyway he came out when he was seventeen.

Cecil Markowitz. His parents died in a fire when he was 8, he was sent to his grandmother, she kicked him out when he was 9 and came out. 

Clovis

Mitchell

Leo Valdez (part of why Rosa called him a demon)

Malcolm Pace (his trans identity deserves a whole 'nother post it's.) anyway Malcolm can't bind so.

Ellis Wakefield (currently writing a fic about this actually) anyway Ellis comes out when he's 13 (so BoM) at camp, and comes out when he's 15 to his mum. it doesn't go great.

[thetopichot]

•° The Middle Ground °•

☆ Chapter IV ☆

I did say I would make it quicker & longer.

Word Count: 2.8k

"So, you're finally selling your cakes now?" Finn nodded as the car lights set off, letting them know it was open. You both hopped in Finn's car, & he began to start driving to their destination. "See, I told you it was about time you sell your cakes! They're literally so goddamn good. Maybe you can gimmie some of your cake-"

"DARLING." He raised his voice. Finn's face was so red that he needed to focus on driving.

"Okay! Okayyy. " You raised your hands in defense. "I'm just playing with you." Finn sighed as he refocused on driving. "Either way, I'm happy for you. I'm glad you got a nice gig selling something that you're really talented at." You turned around to look in the back seat, seeing practically a whole kitchen in the back. A tea pot, containers filled with different spices alongside tea leaves, a lot of baked goodies, & sweetness galore. You turned back around & properly sat in your seat, & then you caught a glimpse of the outside.

It was gorgeous. With the falling white snowflakes hitting the ground, they quickly covered the ground. The forecast said it wasn't going to be too harsh, but enough snow to hear the sound of snow crinkling beneath your boots. You absolutely missed this feeling of the cold yet cozy vibes. Especially when your boyfriend is here with you to feel that same moment with you. "So, Finn, where are we heading to sell these? I thought you said you were having trouble finding where to sell them? "

You questioned him. "Oh, to an office party, actually," he quickly answered.

"An office party? " You turned yourself away from the window & raised a brow towards Finn. "How did you get invited to sell things at an office?"

"Well, technically speaking, it's a talent agency. Second, a good friend of mine actually offered it to me! " Finn explained.

"When?" Finn paused as he thought about how to answer that question. He didn't really want to lie to your face, but he didn't really want to start another confrontation during a time that should be joyful & peaceful for everyone. Ehhh. . It wouldn't hurt to tell the truth. Just. . a little bit.

"Yes. . . terdaay??"

"Finn. I know you're lying. "

"I know. " He sounded so defeated. "It was during the outing with Auron of last month. " You were about to interrupt with a protest until Finn cut you off. "But! Auron wasn't the one who offered me it. It was one of his employees who asked because he was looking for some baked goods for the party. " Finn sneaked in an even smaller lie to see if you were able to catch on.

"Huh, well, alright. " You both relaxed; however, you weren't too pleased to meet with Auron again. You hoped the argument between you & him was the first and last.

Unfortunately for you, you weren't too blessed since Finn & Auron do have some form of friendship. But as much as you dislike Auron, you still sucked it up. If Finn sees something good in him, that's fine with you, & either way, you barely know Auron besides that one interaction. However, that doesn't mean you're not allowed to have a bad feeling about him. Maybe once you get there, you can possibly confirm that feeling. "So where exactly is this 'talent agency'?"

"Within the center of the city. Since we live on the outskirts of it, it may take a little while. "

"& by a little while you mean. . ? "

"I've been driving for what I think.. 10 minutes? To get there takes about 30 minutes in total, if you include the traffic of course. " You huffed as you began looking out the window again like a kid watching a raindrop race, then Finn rubbed your back in reassurance, "We'll be there as soon as possible, love. Then we can just enjoy the party." You smile at Finn's softness for you.

There wasn't really much you could do besides close your eyes & fall asleep in the car to the sound of the silent snowflakes. The warm air conditioner fills the car, which makes you feel even more cozy. To finalize your sleep, the car stops at the stop light, & Finn quickly puts his coat on you as a blanket. In the final moments of your being awake, you could hear a faint and meaningful sentence.

"I love you, my darling. "

Sooner than you realize, you hear the sound of knocking at the car window door. You mumbled & grumbled as you shuffled to the other side. You gained peace for at least 3 seconds until the knocking got louder. You grumbled even more until the loud knocking got to your nerves, and you quickly got up with a harsh.

"WHAT?!"

You heard faint laughter from someone outside the car window door. It wasn't your boyfriend or the damn redhead, but a completely new person. From what you can tell by your sleepy eyes, he was a man. A little slim, with creamy bronze skin & slight hints of vitiligo, pink feather bangs with some dark red in the back, a pink tie, & a heart lanyard.

To top off his appearance, he had a grin and relaxed brown eyes. The only thing you can think about this man is: Why does he look dressed up for Valentine's Day? You pushed the button for the window to pull down, and your face became scrunched up as soon as it was hit by the coldness of the outside.

The man put his face closer to the car. "About time you woke up. The boss ain't paying you to be sleeping on the job," he joked.

"Who are you? " Your face furrowed.

"Ah, yeah, my bad. My name is Valentino, the law firm's new hire. " He reaches his hand out for you to shake it. "But call me, Val." You looked at his hand & then shook it. "Now, let's get you out of that car. Your boyfriend & boss are waiting for you."

Valentino opened the car door & helped you out of the car. He readjusted your coat & led you to the entrance of the talent agency. It was a tall building, sleek to the touch. As you continued to look up, it felt almost endless. Damn, Auron works in a goddamn tower. Valentino goes up to the door & grabs his lanyard with his card ID on it.

He puts it up against the card scan, & the door beeps to let him know that it was opened. "After you! " Valentino held the door as he bowed. You walked into the building to see that everything looked pretty dark, but the lights from outside shone on the dark room to make it more visible. The only thing within the building that was illuminating was the elevator across the room. It felt almost ominous from how quiet the room was that you began to shiver.

Valentino stood right next to you. "Jesus, I forget how scary it can be in here when everyone is partying upstairs. "

"Wait, where's Finn? " Valentino looked at you.

"Ah, your boytoy? He's giving out the goods at the party upstairs. He's been waiting for you for, like, an hour? " He led you to the elevator & pressed to call it down. "He told me he didn't want to bother you since you were knocked out cold. The boss told me to come n' get you since Finn was busy baking the goods fresh n' selling them like hotcakes. " The elevator opened, and you both walked inside. Huh.

You were kind of surprised by that. You would've expected Auron to just leave you alone in the car & carry on from there. Although he did send someone down to get you, I guess he has some courtesy. 'Ding!' You heard the elevator stop. 'Level 5', you heard the elevator say as it opened.

You both stepped out, & it shut behind you. You could hear faint disco music all the way down the hall & could faintly see a small, bright, colorful light that lit up the door. It almost looked like a portal to another world, but in this case, it somewhat did. I don't think you've ever been to a place like this. Sure, you've been to some fancy places, but this was more futuristic. Has Finn ever been to places like this?

It would make sense if he did, considering he knows Auron. This was all just. . . new to you. "So, uh, new to the city?" Valentino interrupted the silence as you both walked to what felt like an endless hallway. You held onto your coat.

"Uh, yeah," you said awkwardly & ignored contact with Valentino. Valentino sensed the tension in you & softened it a bit.

"Well, you know what? That's alright, because I am too," he confessed. You looked at him. "In fact, I never really liked the city. Too much bustling n' hustling, ya know? But I only got a bachelor's degree in law, not any other bullshit. So I kind of acted like you. I never like being far away from home. From my little sister, especially, even though she can be a handful. However, I knew it was just for the best; she's not a little kid anymore. " You finally softened.

The city, from what you heard from Finn, isn't easy. It's crime-ridden, greed-drivin', & just filled with mucks running about. However, there's always a reason why people like it so much.

It's never about money, fame, or the entertainment made by companies like this. It was about just leaving. Getting away to fulfill a better life for yourself. Obviously, you're not some hillbilly living in a barn, & you're not dumb. However, you could absolutely feel where Valentino was coming from when you first moved to the downtown area.

Although you first met Finn, the statement you've created inside your mind has changed. He felt like home—a warm, safe home that you can always come back to after being gone. You wish you could do the same with your folks, but. . . it's complicated.

"So what made you stay? " You were very curious about his answer.

"Trish! Oh, & the boss, too! " You were a bit dumbfounded by Auron being the reason. Trish?You barely know her, but Auron?

"Wait, Auron made you stay? "

"Oh, you've met the boss? I thought you were new to the city? " Valentino squinted at you.

"No, I'm new to the city."

"But, how do you know the boss? He almost never leaves the area. " Valentino was skeptical of you, but you did have an answer, & you hope it was believable enough.

"He came to our shop for flowers? He asked for roses?" Despite your honest answer, you sounded like you were doubting yourself. You didn't know about him not leaving the city often, & with the fact that Valentino knows more than you do, you could only pray that it's believable.

"Roses? He went to Finn's shop for roses. You know you're not good at lying. " But you weren't.

"But I am telling the truth."

"So you're telling me that boss would haul his ass & drive 30 minutes to downtown for some damn roses? He would order it himself if he wanted to. " Valentino looked so upset for some reason over Auron going all the way to the shop for some roses. You could only imagine how upset he would be if he figured out that you almost kicked his ass. But whatever it was, the same vibe was given back to Valentino. Tense & upset.

"Listen, I don't care if you believe me or not, but I am telling the truth. I'm sorry if I pissed you off, but never in my life will I be called a liar. " Then the silence resumes. You both finally reach the door, & despite Valentino being upset at you for some unknown reason, he still remained polite.

"After you."

You walked into the room, & it was quite the party. You didn't really expect an office like this to be so vibrant. You could finally hear the loud music's lyrics. It was about a Russian who was a friend of the imperial family of Russia. You learned about this when you were in high school, so you don't remember much, but you do remember the song that they played at homecoming.

'There lived a certain man in Russia long ago. ' Valentino left to join the rest of his co-workers while you looked around the room to your boyfriend, Finn.

'He was big and strong, with in his eyes a flaming glow. ' As you were looking around the party, you saw a crowd surrounding something. The sound of their chatter wasn't able to overpower the sound of the loud music, but you were, however, able to hear what they were conversing about.

"Hey, can I get two cakes, please? "

"One hot chocolate to go! "

Thank god, you were able to find the table that he was selling at.

You politely pushed aside the crowd of people while you were shouting his name. "Finn! Finn! " Finn was too focused on making drinks & enjoying the music. You didn't want to be rude, but you were supposed to help him earlier, so you tried your best to be polite & not start something that people wouldn't finish or get you & Finn kicked out for being a disturbance. So maybe you could catch his attention by ordering something.

"Can I get two hot chocolates to go, please! "

you shouted. Finn turned around to see who else needed his assistance, then paused as he saw you. "Dearest, there you are! I was worried about you. " Finn gestured for you to join him on the other side of the table. "Quickly! Join me on the other side of the table! " You did what you were asked of Finn. "Now, can you help me serve this food out? I'm happy that everyone loves them, but I'm kind of struggling with sending them out. "

"Yep, no problem!"

So you both spent awhile sending out the baked goods & drinks until the crowds became less. When the crowd of people finally relaxed & a group of people became a group of one, you both sighed in relief, & you finally got to watch the party go on in peace. Finn started up the small portable stove to warm up some milk & added some cocoa powder to it. He stirred it & put some jumbo-sized marshmallows in it to add that sugary sweetness. He handed the cup to you. He knew exactly how you liked them, and it made you smile.

It was kind of a rough night for you. You didn't want to be here, but Finn made it all worth it since his happiness was enough for you to stay. Speaking of staying, there was another reason why you were here. Auron. He's been talked about all night. From the mouth of Valentino to Finn himself.

You wanted to confirm your beliefs about him and what Finn sees in him. From what you can tell from Valentino, he was pissed thinking about you allegedly lying about him even though you weren't. I guess Auron means a lot to him, but it's not about Valentino. You have to find him before the party ends. "Hey, Finn? " You looked at Finn, who was sipping some tea.

He quickly stops to answer you. "Yes, dear? "

"Do you know where Auron is? "

"Not necessarily, but I know he's here! In fact, we were actually talking not that long ago. " You sighed in annoyance. "I can tell you this though! I did see him slipping by the crowd & then outside of the party. Maybe you could check there? " you noted.

"Thanks, babe! " You got up from drinking your hot chocolate & then finally began your search for Auron.

"Oh, darling! " You turned around to look at Finn. "Please, don't try to fight him. Again. " You nodded, & Finn waved goodbye to you. You hurried to the door once you came, & then left to find Auron.

You've spent a bit now searching for Auron. There were card scans everywhere, so you couldn't check much. What made it even harder for you was that the elevator was also locked, so you couldn't quickly check the floors. As you were checking around, you bumped into someone. "Ah, shit! Sorry!"

You apologized. Hopefully, you didn't bump into anyone you weren't supposed to. You didn't want to get into trouble for what was sneaking into other people's businesses. You weren't after anything in the building, but you were looking for someone. "It was about time you said that. " You knew that snarky tone.

The familiar figure turned around, & it was once again that damn redhead. "You were looking for me? " You gave him a familiar stare. A hostile 'I'm going to beat your ass' stare.

"Yes, I was. "

"Hmph. Took you long enough. "

☆ミ Author's Notes Underneath 👇 ☆ミ

🩷 - This chapter was originally gonna be longer but I was too scared of this chapter being too long. 😭 I'm not really used to writing very long shit but this sure was quite a workout. So consider this as a part 1 & Chapter 5 is gonna part 2. But yeah my brain was absolutely locked in for this chapter, so I hope you lovelies enjoy this. Ya’ll have a good day now.

[ssa-jet]

Dredging Up the Past❤️‍🩹

a part two to Everyone’s Replaceable

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Black!Fem!Reader (FBI Agent), Reader x BAU

Relationship: passive-aggressive, a little hostile at first

Category: angst to semi-fluff

Summary: the sequel to Everyone’s Replaceable in which Y/N L/N is reunited with her former team members, the B.A.U., but not in the way you’d expect…

Content Warnings: hospital,cursing, mentions of crimes against children, implication of kidnapping— lmk if I missed anything<3

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

It’s been seven months since my outburst at the B.A.U.. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t miss the chemistry that seemed to radiate off of my conversations with my former coworkers, but working away from them has been a refreshing experience.

After JJ turned in my resignation sticky note, Hotch immediately called me and asked me to explain the reason as to why I acted the way I did. Without a second thought, I listed off everything the doctors told me, even suggesting that I turn in a copy of my visitation logs to prove I wasn’t lying. I guess he believed me, because he allowed me to transfer into the Crimes Against Children Unit.

It’s still in Virginia, but a fresh start is a fresh start.

As I walk into the office building, my eyes trace over the text Katie sent me a little over an hour ago, insisting that I come into work on my day off to assist in a huge case that would require the attention of another unit. My shiny heels click across the floor as I approach a group of people standing around a case board. From the back, they look familiar, but once they turn around, my brain shuts down.

The B.A.U.

I almost want to kick myself for standing there and staring, mouth agape, looking like an idiot, but my brain can’t seem to string together any sentences to express how I feel right now— mainly because I don’t know what I feel.

Seven months is a long time to hang onto something, and, while I forgive them, I can’t forget what they did, How they made me feel. The only thing I remember feeling on my first day back at the office was unbridled rage.

I don’t even realize I’m still staring until Morgan clears his throat. “Hi, Y/N,” he says, voice barely above a whisper. “I-I… what? How?” My mind races a mile a minute as I stutter out my response. “Why, Katie? Why didn’t you tell me they were coming?!” The distress and horror in my voice causes Katie’s brows to furrow in contemplation. “I’m sorry, Y/N. We were getting nowhere and I had to make the call.” “That doesn’t mean you couldn’t have told me!” I fire back, oblivious to the fact that my former colleagues are still present. “Y/N,” Katie says sternly. “Now’s not the time. Let’s save this conversation for another time, yeah?” “Fine.” I place my bag on the conference table and cross my arms.

“It’s nice to see you all again,” I lie, plastering a fake smile to my face. “It’s been, what, seven months, 3 weeks, and nineteen days?” JJ raises her eyebrows at me. “Hi, Y/N,” Emily says, going in for a handshake that I politely reciprocate, making a mental note to wash my hands as soon as possible. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d still be angry after all this time, but the urge to be petty is creeping up into my chest and making it impossible to stay polite. I shake hands with everyone except Spencer, and for once, I’m glad he’s a germaphobe— he’s been here an hour and I’m already sick of him.

The case seems to drag on— no new leads, clues, locations, or names. The downside to this is that it means spending more time with Spencer, whom I’m trying to build a geological profile with. “All of these girls are being found here,” I say, using a red marker to mark each of the locations the girls were found. “We have more than enough locations to build a geographical profile, and yet, we’ve come up with nothing.” The frustration leaks into my tone as I talk aloud. A geographical profile is always easier to build when you’re not-technically-an-ex ex boyfriend is looking over you. “That’s because the locations are too spread out to narrow it down without having too many variables,” Spencer’s smart-ass mouth replies. Every word that comes out of his mouth only makes me want to punch him, hard. “I know that, genius,” I scoff. “I’m just trying to help you,” he says, turning to look at me. “Like you did when I was in the hospital?” The retort slips out of my mouth before my brain can register what I said, and by the time it does, my heart is racing so fast I feel like I could pass out. Spencer’s jaw falls open just a little, allowing me to bask in the sudden glory that came from rendering the smart mouth speechless.

“How’s your girlfriend?” I ask, abandoning the case board to glare at him. “What’s her name? I’m thinking it was Y/N, since you couldn’t tell the fucking difference.” For the first time in seven months, I get a good, long look at Spencer. His hair is neatly gelled to the side so that a section is hanging in front of his eye, and he’s just as cleanly shaven as I remember him to be. His big, brown eyes lost their familiar spark after I ended up in the hospital— I only remember because my good friend Penelope told me all about it. Spencer’s slightly chapped, pink lips are sucked into his teeth as he struggles to form an answer to my statement. “What’s wrong?” I tease, bathing in the embarrassed look on his face. “All those words in your brain and you can’t figure out what to say to me?”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

I almost laugh at how quiet his voice sounds. “Really?” I ask. “‘Cause that’s not what it looked like to me.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Spencer repeats.

“Whatever,” I scoff again. “Where is she, anyway?”

“She quit,” he mumbles.

Now that revelation causes me to laugh. “I’m happy for her,” I admit through giggles. “At least she managed to save herself.” Something inside of Spencer snaps, because his eyes darken and his expression turns cold. “God, you’re such a-a…” he stutters, clearly holding back his annoyance. The innocent, sweet boy I had left behind wouldn’t have dared to yell at me, so I’m intrigued as to what he has to say. “Such a what?” I taunt, a grin on my face. “A child,” Spencer snaps.

Oh.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t surprised that he actually insulted me. Luckily for me and unfortunately for him, his little comment fails to faze me. If anything, it eggs me on. “Now that’s more like it,” I tell him. “What else have you got, or is that it? Poor baby can’t even get a word out.”

What he says next isn’t at all what I expected to hear.

“Wanna know the real truth as to why I couldn’t see you?!” Spencer exclaims, chest heavily rising and falling with each angry inhale. “Sure,” I reply. “Other than to cheat.” “I didn’t cheat on you, Y/N! Would you stop saying that?!” “Just tell me why you didn’t come see me,” I say, ignoring his request. “I don’t have all fucking day.” “My mom’s schizophrenia worsened and none of the medications were helping!” My heart stops. If there’s one thing I always loved in the world, it was Diana Reid— the most light-hearted, kindest soul on the planet. Spencer doesn’t even wait for a response before he continued. “I had to fly back to Vegas to check on her, and it was so bad to the point where, even if you told her to, she wouldn’t remember to eat!” Something warm and foreign fills my eyes before I even get the chance to register what they are.

Tears.

A single one slips down my cheek at his confession, and as he continues, they don’t stop. “We tried every medication— everything— and it wasn’t working. Y/N, believe me when I say that I thought about you every day. I wouldn’t have left you on life support on purpose, I swear to God. I loved you so much, Y/N. More than you think.” Spencer’s knuckles are white from being balled up into angry fists that reside at his sides, and through my blurry tears, I can tell he’s crying, too. My body, like a magnet, finds itself tangled up in a confusing, comforting hug as we cry together in front of a case board with pictures full of scared children. It feels so unfamiliar and strange to be hugging the man who broke my heart, but I can’t bring myself to pull away, even if I wanted to. “I-I…” Fuck. Now it’s me who doesn’t know what to say. “God, Spencer, I’m so sorry, I… I don’t know, I just— fuck, I…I don’t know what to feel anymore.” And it’s true. Resentment for my ex boyfriend has been flushed out of my system and replaced by another weird feeling, one I can’t fully place a finger on. “It’s okay,” he shuffles, still clinging to me like a lanky koala. “I should’ve told you.”

“It’s your private business,” I tell him “You don’t have to tell anybody.”

“We had been dating for so long that you had a right to know,” he points out.

That’s the keyword— had. Now that the air has been cleared of leftover hatred, I genuinely don’t know how to feel about Spencer anymore. We’re just two broken people who managed to find each other again. “What about the rest of the team?” I ask as we separate, sniffling and wiping stray tears from our sticky cheeks. “I can’t speak for them,” Spencer replies. His words bestow a blanket of silence upon the conference room, leaving us staring at our shoes like little kids who’ve just been scolded.

“What happens now?” I ask.

“I don’t know,” Spencer admits.

No words can fit the predicament I’ve found myself in. Part of me knows that I shouldn’t have to apologize for the rightful outburst I had months ago, but I can’t help but feel guilty that Spencer was harboring all this pain while we were dating, and he didn’t think to tell me.

“I could’ve helped” I finally say.

“How?”

“I don’t know! Emotional support, maybe?”

Spencer laughs dryly and sits down. “We, uh, we better get back to the geographical profile,” he says, motioning to the barely-touched map. “Right,” I confirm.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The case ended quicker than I wanted it to, although I’m sure I would’ve loved it that way if Spencer didn’t confess his secret to me. Katie gives the B.A.U. another round of handshakes, as do I, and one by one, they exit the building— all except Spencer. “So, uh, Y/N…” he trails off. “Yeah?” “C-Can we, y’know, like, talk sometime?” My heart stops at his question, but I manage to compile an, “Over coffee?” “S-Sure,” he stammers, handing me a folded piece of paper. “Here’s my number— I’m sure you deleted it after we… y’know…” He’s right, I did, but that’s not what makes my head spin. This feels exactly like when he first asked me out— from the coffee date to the folded piece of paper. “Next Thursday sound okay?” I ask, pocketing the note. “Yeah,” Spencer says. “It’s a date.” A warm blush creeps up his neck and the tiniest smile forms on his lips. I smile back and fidget with my fingers, my body refusing to move. “B-Bye,” he stammers, waving as he turns to leave. “Bye,” I respond, watching ad he walks off towards the SUVs. Katie grins and punches me in the arm. “Lovergirl.” “I don’t know about that,” I admit, allowing a laugh to escape my lips. “Whatever you say, Y/N.”

[matthiastalksalot]

what is being aromantic? what is being asexual?

an anecdotal explanation about what being aroace means to me. part 2. technically. both can be standalone. but you should read part one because i enjoy being a chatterbox.

this is not proofread.

so. i finally figure out that i am asexual. yipeee! once the sex aspect is out of the way, i can finally persue relationships without any expectations of sex, right? wrong.

i have a long and not too complicated dating history, featuring many e-relationships and two week infatuations.

going back to the early days of fifth grade. i attended a catholic school, and everyone was starting to reach the age where crushes are a new and fascinating occurrence. of course, i don’t know how many ten year olds had true crushes, but they CERTAINLY said they did.

and so, naturally, i needed one too. i picked a boy in my class, joesph, and told my classmates when i was asked. i did not know him well, and he knew i had this “crush” on him, but he didn’t like me and i never actually asked him out, so that was that.

i got my first boyfriend the summer before 7th grade. we attended a jewish sleep away camp, and were part of the same group for leading our unit’s shabbat service. we had the same hairstyle, the only difference being that the top of his hair was dyed red, the top of mine was dyed blue.

this was a preppy camp. we stood out, and thus our relationship was born. a girl approached me and asked if i would date “brendan”. i did not know who brendan was, we met two days before. she described him as “the boy with the red hair”.

it was middle school, and so i said yes. a day later, he asked me out. we dated for that summer until the next one.

the relationship was incredibly 7th grade of us. we hugged, had a pre-planned “kiss” under the fireworks on the last night of the camp session. it was gross, but short. i could now say i had had my first kiss.

he broke up with me due to bullying the next summer, but then after two days of drama, we started dating again. we broke up for good around december or january of 8th grade, over text. he wasn’t going to camp next summer, so we would not see each other again without planning it.

during our first break-up, i was upset, but mostly because i was insulted by the reason behind it. i did not have any strong feeling about break up #2.

i had more relationships between the end of 8th grade and my senior year of high school, but that would be the fastest way to send you all to sleep.

and so. i take you to my two most recent relationships. May 2022 - August 2022, and April 2023 - May 2023

the first one was a girl from a community theater show i was doing. she was snow white, and i was her prince. we became fast friends, and ended up dating. we were together for months, talked daily. we hugged, and sat in bed, holding each other while watching movies. we did not kiss. we did not even attempt to initiate anything more than hand holding.

she broke up with me in august. i was upset at the prospect of us not being together, but the only thing i remember thinking was “there is nothing we did that we cannot do as friends”. of course, it is difficult to rebound from dating, especially long distance as we were. we ended on good terms, but no longer speak to each other.

after her was my ex from the last post. we began dating after months of infatuation. he broke up with a girl for me, i magically made the “crush” that i thought i had on my best friend vanish the second i realized that he may actually show any form of interest in me.

eventually, that too ended. i enjoyed the hugging, cuddling, and closeness. i hated kissing, and the expectations of what i was supposed to be feeling within the relationship.

i did not immediately begin identifying as aromatic, but this is when i first began to entertain the idea.

life went on.

i started college, and met many amazing friends. as is usual for first semester freshman year, people began to get in relationships, and the whole question of “should i try for one?” comes up.

i decided against it, as none of my friends were romantic candidates for me. i know, i know. it’s weird to think of people that way. however, that’s how almost every other relationship i’ve had started.

we became fast friends, and happened to have compatible genders/sexualities to date. and so we did.

it started to dawn on me: what was the difference between my romantic partners and my close friends? the two largest factors are the duration of time we were close, and the amount of physical contact we had with each other.

in my prior romantic relationships, we became close quickly, or became much closer as we started to enter the “talking stage”. the longest i’ve known someone before getting into a relationship with them was a year and a half, and we were much more distant and did not hang out too often before the dating part.

as for physical intimacy: we started hugging/holding hands/being comfortable with each other before dating, but used it as a sign that we should start a relationship?

i suppose that is where i stand right now.

i am unsure of what the difference in my current best friends are, and what my relationships used to be. i am very physically affectionate, and i enjoy it. i also became close to people fast, thanks to meeting them at college. the biggest change? my two best friends are a lesbian and an arospec who is also out of my age range, dating wise.

there is no room for romantic interpretation.

once none of my friends could be potential partners, it felt like a relief. i don’t have to figure out if they like me or not, and if i “like” them back. we can just be friends.

i don’t want people to have crushes on me. all of mine were deliberately chosen, and that is not the way i feel “romance” should be.

looking back, i have lost many good friendships to the pitfall that is dating. and why? i never have found anything more fulfilling than my close platonic friendships. romantic relationships were always just adding a degree of exclusivity i never could live up to, since i cared for my closest friend and partners in the exact same way.

what is romance? i truly do not know.

however, i do know some things:

i love my friends

i enjoy spending time with my friends

i do not need exclusivity to be valued

not attempting to date has led to my platonic relationships being more fulfilling and wonderful than they were when i constantly had to compare them with what the “line” between romance and friendship was.

of course, i don’t speak for everyone. you may relate to my experience, and be alloromantic. you may understand me, but think this is some sort of polyamorous “i’m in love will all my friends but am in denial because i know they won’t like me back.”

it doesn’t matter, because i know who i am. despite having a dating history, i identify with the label that allows me to describe myself as clearly as possible.

this post is getting long, i’m sure i’ll be back shortly!

all the best,

mattisaroace

[moncey-imagines]

WDW Trip Headcanons | Sans x GN!Reader

Sorry this took so long, Thanksgiving week has been quite busy 🥲 but now it is done and out for all the world to see 🐎🐎for context, the reader is hyperfixated on the disney parks (just like me 😎)

!!THIS HAS NOT BEEN PROOF-READ OR EDITED!!

enjoy!!!

Also I added an intro to lead into the headcanons 😱

It started with a simple statement:

* WHAT?? SERIOUSLY???

* seriously.

This is the first time you found out that Sans had absolutely no idea about the pure magic and majesty of Disney parks.

* You've been on the surface for like a year...how do you STILL not know about Disneyworld...

* idk

* Do you even know about the Disney company at all??? You have to, they are industry giants in like every category of anything ever...

* i think so, are they the ones that have the princesses?

* Which princesses?

* you know, the ones.

* No I don't, you have to tell me which ones.

* the ones with the hair.

* WHAT KIND OF HAIR?

* long hair i think.

* Rapunzel?

* idk

* Okay yeah that's it, we're going to Disneyworld, lemme go book the flights.

* cool

Two weeks later, you and your skeleton boyfriend were off to Orlando so you could expose him to the wonders of Walt Disney World.

Once you two are there and walking around, he'd probably be more focused on you rather than the park. I mean, it's kind of hard to ignore how excited you get over being in the park. The amount of facts that pop up in your brain the second you're in the parks is abundant, so much so that there is no way to stop you excited rambling (not that he'd try, he thinks it's cute).

* Look!! Look at the windows!!

* im lookin.

* It's a tribute to Marc Davis!!

* i...sorry, i dont know who that is.

Expect a lot of Sans not understanding a single thing you're talking about.

* Sans!! Look at the rocks, it's shaped like the Nautilus!!

* yeah?

* Yeah!! That's cause 20000 Leagues Under the Sea was here before The Little Mermaid ride!!

* wow.

* Do you know what any of what I just said means?

* um...not really no, im sorry.

He'll still listen though, he likes seeing you happy and excited.

* i really don't think these guys have the guts to be in here naked

* They're fake skeletons, Sans, but there's a rumor that the skull on the bed in Disneyland if re- wait...they don't have the guts. I just got it.

* took you a minute huh.

* Shut it, bonehead.

* sorry, but a name like that won't get under my skin.

* These jokes suck, you must have left your funny bone at home.

* i know, im just a lazy bones like that.

Everyone around you two have to occasionally either sit through agonizingly horrible jokes or get up and walk away.

* Hey, Sans! Do you think you can solve the murder mystery?

* murder mystery? isnt that a little dark for magic kingdom?

* It's not too dark for the Haunted Mansion, that's what this ride is all about.

* ah, okay. i wont let it rattle my bones then.

* You're such a doofus.

* actually, in your own words, im a bonehead.

* Do you think you can do the puzzle or not? The lines gonna move...

* yeah, yeah, okay.

Sans also seems to really like standing in line to hear what other people are saying.

* people say some wild stuff here, (y/n).

* Like what?

* i just heard a little girl ask her mom what happened to Mickey Mouse when he went backstage and her older sister said that the staff skinned him.

* Oh my god.

* thats not all, after that her mom agreed and told her thats how they make the Mickey ear hats.

* these fireworks are pretty nice.

* Did you know that they have to set them off no matter what? For safety reasons, they can't let old fireworks sit back there unused, even is they cancel the shows.

* so theres technically always a show?

* ...I guess so, yeah.

* ...

* What do you think happens if an airplane flies to close to the fire works?

* what happens?

* It probably becomes a scareplane.

* that one's a stretch

* C'mon, I thought it was funny.

* you were close, but not close enough. maybe next time.

Driving the car to the hotel, you turn to Sans.

* Did you...like today's trip? I wasn't annoying was I?

* i liked it, yeah, and not at all, i thought all your little facts were great. im excited for what you tell me tommorow.

* Alright, I'll stock up on my facts for Animal Kingdom tomorrow.

* you better, ill even polish my humerus.

* I knew you were gonna make some kind of pun, I felt it in my bones.

* what, have you been spine on me?

* Okay, that one was knee-t.

Sans lets out a sigh.

* What's wrong?

* nothing at all, i love you.

I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG AAAAA

also sorry if its more dialogue than headcanons, I've been coding VNs as of late DHFYSGADFh

I kinda wanna make this into a short visual novel...but I cannot at the moment, I must get this fic out DHGFIYFSG

I hope it was good, if anyone wants a part two in another part just send in an ask 😎

[fineinkline]

Swing

Chapter Two: The Coming Out-siders

“Explain. Now.” Robin says, bursting through Steve’s front door and making a beeline for his living room. “Well hello to you too, Robin. I’m fine, how are you? That’s nice, why don’t you come in and sit down.” He mumbles to himself as he plops down in the chair across from Robin. “I know for a FACT that Eddie Munson has not, does not, and will not ever have a girlfriend. I also know that you two have been spending more time together since he got out of the hospital. I also, also know that you haven’t even tried flirting with any of the ‘ladies’ that have come into the store since we went back to work. But, I also, also, ALSO know that if you had some sort of homosexual awakening that you would tell me, your best friend who is also gay, FIRST!” The room is silent as Robin finishes her rampage and leans back in her chair crossing her arms. Steve is perching on the edge of his chair, eyes darting around the room contemplating if now is a good time to tell her or if Eddie would even be okay with telling Robin right now. “Okay-” Steve starts before Robin can jump to her feet, “I knew it!” she screamed. “I knew there was no way that Eddie would willingly date a girl. But what I didn’t see coming was you getting jealous of his new date.” She says, wiggling her eyebrows in Steve’s direction. “What? Jealous?” It was Steve’s turn to jump out of his chair, placing his hands on Robin’s shoulders to stop her from bouncing and pacing that would eventually make Steve dizzy. “Yeah, you’ve been super weird for the past month and Dustin said that every time he’s called Eddie in the past month, Wayne has said he’s been busy with his date. Then last night, when you went to get another drink, El said that you were upset cause you were jealous. And you know that she has some sort of freaky 6th sense when it comes to this stuff because that’s why she dumped Mike.” Steve gave a wrap-it-up motion with his hand to let Robin know that she better get to the point quickly. “So,” she took in a deep breath and Steve ran a hand over his face in preparation for more rambling, “when did you realize you had a big gay crush on Eddie? I realized it right after he called you ‘big boy’ in the RV and it looked like your brain short-circuited . But I have got to say, the little story you told Nancy about wanting six kids with her did throw me off a little bit-""Woah, woah, woah!” Steve waved his hands in front of her until she finally stopped talking and stood in front of him panting like she had just run a marathon. “So everyone thinks Eddie has a girlfriend and that I’m jealous?” Robin gives him a flat stare, “Were you not listening to a thing I was saying?” She asks, flopping down into the chair to get comfortable so she can tell Steve the whole story once again. 

After a painful 20 minutes of Robin laying out everything that happened when Steve left the room, plus her “study” of how he and Eddie acted around each other she finally came to the conclusion, “you aren’t jealous because Eddie has a girlfriend! You’re jealous, because he has a boyfriend!” She jumps up pointing an accusing finger in Steve’s direction as he now lays across the sofa. There’s a long pause before, “You’re right,” he sighs, flinging an arm across his face, “I totally have a huge crush on Eddie.” Technically it isn’t a lie and this is the closest he can get to telling the truth right now. 

-

When Steve and Eddie first made their relationship official, they wanted to keep it secret for more reasons than just waiting for life to get back to as normal as it can be. For one, telling everyone they were dating would mean Steve would have to come out to everyone all at once. He had known he was bisexual for a while now, but that didn’t mean he was ready to parade that information around. Telling the party also meant telling Nancy and for some reason Steve’s stomach always turned at the thought. Just imagining it made him feel like he was about to get in trouble or like he did something wrong. He couldn’t tell Nancy in front of everyone else, if she was going to judge him, Steve wanted her to get all her thoughts out in private and not in front of the rest of their friends. Another reason they kept it secret is because Eddie wanted Steve to himself for just a little. They already don’t get to spend much time together. Steve is always at work it seems and when he isn’t, there is always someone else around. Party movie nights, random get togethers at Steve’s pool, Robin and Nancy coming over for game night, Eddie’s band practices and gigs, or D&D campaigns running late into the night. Even when Steve stayed the night with Eddie, most of the time was spent sleeping or talking each other down from the nightmares that seemed to be getting worse. They couldn’t get more than 2 or 3 hours to themselves. If anyone knew they were dating there would be too many questions and too many people looking at them, watching to see how they move and talk with each other to figure out how they didn’t notice before. They also knew that telling the party meant that their relationship would become an excuse for people (mostly Dustin) to get them to do things. For example, they know that the first thing Dustin is going to ask is, “So does this mean you’ll start playing D&D with us? You have to play, your boyfriend is the Dungeon Master, you have to play!” and Mike will make a snide comment along the lines of, “Does this mean you’re going to start ditching us now for Steve’s lame sports stuff?” Nancy and Robin will tell Steve, “you can bring Eddie! It’ll be fun!” when they try to convince him to drive them to a party that they know will not be fun for a gay couple in Hawkins. But they promised each other that if things weren’t back to normal, and they were still together, that they would tell everyone in August and the end of summer party the Hopper-Byer’s were throwing. It gave Eddie some time to soak up as much alone time with Steve as he could and mentally prepare himself for when Dustin forces Steve to sit in on a D&D campaign. And it gave Steve plenty of time to come out to Robin and enough time to talk to Nancy alone. 

-

“I knew it!” Robin screamed, her eyes going wide at Steve’s little confession. “How long have you known?” she asks, sitting down on the sofa with Steve, lifting his legs so they rest on her lap. “That I’m not straight or that I like Eddie?” he starts, “Cause I’ve known I wasn’t straight ever since you showed me Rocky Horror Picture Show last summer.” He trails off as Robin’s jaw drops and she gives his shins a playful hit. “Rocky Horror was your sexual awakening?!” “Well, I think technically it was Tom Cruise and Matt Dillon in ‘the Outsiders’, but yeah Rocky Horror really made everything click.” Robin nods her head as she lets the information sink in. “Makes sense then,” she starts, when she doesn’t finish her though Steve knits his brows together and motions for her to explain, “well Eddie looks pretty much like Dallas, just with longer hair.” She snickers. Steve starts laughing too, thinking back on how the ‘bad boy’ vibe of Dillon’s character is exactly what made Steve like him so much and realizing that his first male celebrity crush and his current boyfriend might have something in common. He lets his laugh build the more he thinks about it and Robin just laughs along with him until she’s clutching her sides and Steve is wiping a tear away from the corner of his eye.

“Well I’m happy for you Steve,” she says in earnest, taking one of his hands in her own, “I mean, it sucks that the first time you like a guy he starts dating someone else. But look on the bright side, at least you know he likes guys!” “Yeah,” Steve sighs, wistfully, trying to keep up the act of being slightly heartbroken. “So who is he dating anyway? I bet it’s one of the guys from Hellfire. Ohhh, I bet it’s Gareth! He’s always following Eddie around and looking at him with those big puppy dog eyes and listening to him like everything he says is some huge revelation that no one ever thought of before.” She starts to laugh again, but Steve cuts in, “No way! Like Eddie would ever go for a guy like him!” Okay so maybe he was a little too quick and a little too pushy at the idea of Gareth liking Eddie or vice versa, but it’s his boyfriend we’re talking about! “Jeez,” Robin says, backing off and quieting her voice a little at seeing how touchy he is about the subject, “so you don’t know who it is?” “Uhh-nope.” Steve shrugs as he pulls himself on the sofa to grab a drink from the kitchen. “All I know is that Wayne tells me the same thing he tells Dustin every time he calls.” Steve shouts from the kitchen, hoping that his lie is a little more believable now that he doesn’t have to look Robin in the eyes. Robin waits for him to come back to the living room before asking, “so then how do you know it’s a guy if all Wayne says is ‘he is on a date’?” Shit. Shit. Shit. “He told me?” It came out more like a question, but Steve wasn’t good at making this stuff up and he especially couldn’t lie to Robin’s face. “He just told you?” She levels Steve with a glare. “Don’t give me that look!” He defends, “You just told me, remember?” “Yeah, Steve, that’s different! You told me you liked me and we were on some crazy Russian drug cocktail and my mouth moves faster than my brain anyway!”Robin states, defending herself a little. “Maybe we were on drugs too when he told me,” Steve counters, “maybe I went over to his place one night when I couldn’t sleep and we smoked a joint or two and he came out to me!” Again, technically not a lie, he just wasn’t going to include the fact that Steve came out to Eddie and then the night ended with them making-out and placing hickeys where they wouldn’t be seen. Robin narrowed her eyes and bit her lip as she tried to soak in the new information and weigh out just how plausible it was. “That does sound like Eddie,” She says slowly nodding her head, “but he didn’t tell you who the guy is?” she whines, flopping her hands at her sides. “Nope,” Steve pops the p in the word as he sits back down next to Robin, handing her a can of soda he grabbed in the kitchen. He can practically see the gears turning in her head as she tries to figure out the puzzle with the few pieces laid before her. Finally, she looks up at Steve and asks, “Wanna order a pizza and watch The Outsiders?” Steve sighs and lets his shoulders relax a little at the hope that the conversation is over and they can move on to just hanging out. “Sounds great, Robs.” 

He starts to make his way to the phone to call in their usual pizza order. “You should invite Eddie over too,” she shouts from her spot in front of the VHS display case, “maybe we can get him to tell us who ‘mystery man’ is.” This is the worst idea in the world, Steve thinks. “Great idea, I’ll give him a call after this,” Steve shouts back. Usually, Steve crosses his fingers hoping that Eddie would pick up or be home every time he called, but now he was secretly praying that Eddie was out at a last minute band practice or out making a deal or that Wayne needed him at the apartment for something, anything that meant he couldn’t come over. But, after only two rings, Steve’s ears are graced with Eddie’s smooth voice, “Munson residence, what can you do for me?” Well, shit. “Hey, Eddie-'' Steve starts, hoping to fill him in on the situation before Robin can come closer and overhear anything, “Stevie! I guess I should be asking what can I do for you,” he asks seductively at the same time Robin walks into the kitchen. She leans on the wall on the other side of the phone, facing Steve. “Is he coming?” she mouths and Steve holds up his pointer finger telling her to wait a moment before placing his hand on his hip. “Ha ha Eddie, that is so funny,” he deadpans, trying to signal to Eddie that now isn’t the time without Robin thinking anything is out of the ordinary, “I was just calling to see if you wanted to come over and watch a movie with Robin and I, we ordered pizza and it should get here by the time you do.” “And don’t say that you’re going out with your boyfriend, Eddie!” Robin shouts into the phone’s mouthpiece and essentially into Steve’s ear. “Ouch!” Steve says, covering his ear for dramatic effect. “That I’m what?” Eddie laughs through the phone. “Yes, Eddie. Robin figured out about your mystery boyfriend,” Steve emphasizes the word mystery as he continues, “she was hoping that we could bribe you with pizza and you would tell us more about him.” “You weren’t supposed to tell him about the bribe!” Robin huffs as she swats Steve’s arm and marches her way back into the living room. “Look,” Steve whispers into the phone while he has a chance, “I didn’t tell her we’re together. She thinks I’ve been acting weird because I like you and I’m jealous you have a boyfriend and she doesn’t realize that the whole reason I’m acting weird is because you are my boyfriend so can you please get over here and make it sound like you hate your fake boyfriend and that you’re going to break up with him so she stops bringing it up!” All of his words started mumbling together at some point and Steve hopes that Eddie can put two and two together himself without Steve having to explain any more. There is a long pause on the line before Eddie answers, “So what movie are we watching?” Steve huffs out a sigh of relief, “The Outsiders.”

[iwannawritelots]

Happiness After Adversity: Then Leave

Originally written April 2023

AO3 - I usually post here first!

Part 2

Human AU Masterlist

Characters Active: Lucifer (23), Ariel (24), Simeon (22), Satan (3 months)

Ship(s): I guess technically Lucifer/Ariel lol

Trigger/content warnings: couple fight, family issues, brief mention of previous abuse towards the end

Headcanons/notes from the author: heya! This is the beginning of the Lucifer/Diavolo focused line<3

Brief Blurb: Ariel tells Lucifer her feelings on being a parent.

Taglist (if you wish to be added, feel free to ask!): @graveswrites

After hours of classes, a longer commute than normal, and being drenched in rainfall for his half-hour walk to the house, Lucifer was ready to relax. Once he took off his boots and coat, he walked towards his bedroom. It was quiet, which was unusual for the house in general. Usually Satan would be crying, or his siblings would be causing chaos, or Simeon would be cooking dinner, or Ariel would welcome him home…

“Lucifer.”

The tone of Ariel’s voice stopped Lucifer in the doorway of their bedroom. “Ariel… is everything okay?” He glanced at the crib, which was empty. Attempting to mask his fright, he inquired, “Where’s Satan?”

“Satan is with Simeon.” She patted next to herself on the bed. “I need to talk to you about something.”

Despite his body screaming at him not to go closer, he did. This felt wrong. Ariel felt distant, and wasn’t looking at him. “Ariel, what happened?”

It was quiet for a moment. “I… don’t think I can handle this anymore, Lucifer.”

Burning anxiety built up in Lucifer’s chest. “Can’t handle what anymore?” Tears began to prick at his eyes, but he blinked them away. Had he done something? He was trying so hard to be more open with her…

“This… parent stuff. I can’t keep doing this.” Ariel tried to meet Lucifer’s eyes, but he refused. “Lucifer, please look at me.”

“No.” Lucifer muttered a swear as he wiped away an escapist tear. “How long have you felt like this?”

“A month, at least. I thought maybe I was just frustrated, so I didn’t say anything…” Ariel crossed her arms and sighed, then added, “I think I just got caught up in us being straight passing, and having a life I was told I needed to when I was younger.” Lucifer sniffled and rubbed his eyes, still refusing to gaze at the woman he loved. He wanted to hate her now. “The truth is, while I was excited at first… this isn’t a life I want. I’m selfish if I stay and selfish if I go.”

Lucifer shook his head, a wobbly, frustrated chortle escaping him. “I wish you would have told me that sooner.”

“Lucifer, I wanted to be sure before I told you anything.” Ariel blinked out a couple of tears, then cautiously wrapped an arm around her boyfriend. “I don’t plan on just leaving if you really want me to stay. It doesn’t feel right to keep it from you, is all. I know how much you value your family. I also know you wouldn’t want Satan to have a parent that… can’t give him the love he deserves.”

Of course, she was right. Lucifer wanted her to be wrong, and wanted nothing more than for this to be a nightmare he could wake from. He could feel his heart shattering, his body quivering, and every single expectation for his future falling apart. Everyone he loved hurt him no matter what he did. “I… want you to leave.” He squirmed away from Ariel and stood up, ignoring how desperately he wanted to cling to her a moment longer. “I-I want you to pack up and leave, right now. I can’t talk to you like this.”

“Lucifer—”

“I will not say it again!” Lucifer snapped, voice cracking. “You’re no longer welcome here!”

Ariel opened her mouth, then closed it and exhaled long through her nose. “Okay. I’ll leave.”

“Where the fuck is Simeon?”

“In their room.”

Lucifer scrambled out of his room and up the stairs, then burst into Simeon’s room. They jumped, eyes wide as they took in their best friend’s face. “Luci?” They adjusted Satan in their arms, then carefully approached him. “Lucifer, what’s going on?”

“D-Did you know that Ariel…” Lucifer grit his teeth and grunted as he wiped away his tears, “… Never mind. I want to hold Satan…”

Slowly, Simeon complied with Lucifer’s needs and passed over the baby. “Luci, tell me what’s going on, please.”

“A-Ariel isn’t welcome here right now. She’s leaving.”

Simeon furrowed their eyebrows and pressed their lips into a line. “I see. I’ll get her out.”

Before Lucifer could say anything, Simeon left the room. He sat on Simeon’s bed and cradled Satan, not knowing what to do. His mind raced, flashing back to his father’s abuse, his mother’s neglect, his siblings’ hopelessness… him being the only one that could take care of them despite it all. Was he just incapable of having the smallest bit of trust?

He looked at Satan’s sleeping face. He didn’t know anything. He wasn’t even able to talk back or do any damage yet. He was just a baby, not even half a year old, and Ariel decided she couldn’t do it. “I… We don’t need her. It’ll be okay.” He kissed Satan’s forehead and released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “I can take care of you by myself.”

Lucifer was a fool to trust anyone with his family but himself.

reblog divider story divider

[mary-dreamy]

I've always hated how my parents refered to him as my ex-boyfriend.

Technically, they would be correct. He and I went out for four months when we were sixteen. Technically, that would make him my ex-boyfriend.

But I've never been able to stomach hearing it or even thinking about it because, to me, he has always been so much more than something as banal as an ex-boyfriend.

First and foremost, he's always been my best friend.

He was my best friend when we met at fourteen, despite not knowing it yet. It always took me some time to warm up to new people so I took my time with him. He, on the other hand, has always claimed that he knew I was special from the moment he saw me.

He was my best friend at fifteen when became classmates for the first time. He would always tease me, always speaking to me like he knew more than I did despite my marks always being leagues better than his and always bickering. I knew then that he liked me but I ignored it.

He was my best friend at sixteen when I spent a semester in Prague, away from everyone but him. He wrote to me almost everyday, because he knew I've never been good at texting first, and he listened to me cry when my grandad died and I couldn't attend his funeral. He stayed when all my other friends drifted away and waited for me until I came back.

At sixteen, he was my best friend in the whole wide world and I loved him with my whole wide heart.

At sixteen, I felt alone and lost and loving him seemed like the only thing I had left so I confessed to him and we started going out.

Four months later, after several awkward make outs attempts and a constant weird feeling in my stomach, I broke up with him.

He was my best friend at seventeen when we didn't talk for a whole year. He had another girlfriend and I had no one else and I missed him and loved him and I felt incredibly alone.

He was my best friend at eighteen when he texted me after so long and apologised for being young and stupid and told me he also missed me.

He was my best friend at nineteen, when a girl broke my heart for the first time and my grandma died and I wanted to die too. We would text everyday, without fault, because we always had something to talk about, we never seemed to ran out of things. We would also call, as we no longer lived in the same city. I was so sure he was my soulmate.

He was my best friend at twenty when I ran away to Italy to run away from my life, but never from him. I hid on another girl's bed for months but I couldn't talk to her the way I could with him. Once I ran away from her too, I him inside my own bed for the remaining months. I almost didn't eat nor shower nor sleep. I just hid.

He was my best friend at twenty-one, when he got a new girlfriend and I stopped hiding and hurting.

That was the first time he stood me up, when I went to visit him in his new home and I knew that he was still my best friend but I was no longer his.

He stopped texting me first, despite knowning I'm not good at it, he didn't visit our hometown as often, he didn't think I was special anymore.

He was my best friend at twenty-two when we saw each other for the first time after many months, just for a couple of hours before I had to catch my train. We ran through the metro station, me carrying this huge suitcase, because if I lost the metro then I wouldn't arrive to the train station on time. He took my suitcase from me, he's always had broad and strong shoulders, and I felt my heart skip a beat. He ran to the metro and left my suitcase inside it, breathing hard, and I entered the wagon just after. He took a step back, smiling, and the doors closed between us. He waved goodbye to me and I knew that, if he happened to ever like me again, be in love with me again, I wouldn't reject him. In that moment, if he had asked me to marry him, I would have accepted.

Nevermind that I'm confident in my sexuality, in my lack of attraction for men. Nevermind that I think he's far too cocky, not tidy enough, too much of a general disaster. Nevermind that we haven't had an actual conversation in years, at this point.

I knew he was my soulmate at nineteen and I remembered why at twenty-two.

He is my best friend today when he stood me up, a month after running with me through the metro station, because he fell asleep. I waited half an hour for him to have breakfast and he never came. He texted me an hour ago to say sorry, just sorry and nothing more.

I came back home furious and told my father about it.

My father called him a 'good for nothing ex-boyfriend' and that made me even angrier.

After eight years of him being something as sacred, as childish, as important as my best friend, how can you call him by any other name?

He was, he is, he will always be my best friend and I hate him and I love him because of it.

[perksofbeingamaineiac]

November 26, 2022

My first weekend alone. 

I have stayed at D’s house every Friday night for as long as I can think. If I needed to sleep at home for some reason on the weekend I knew I would be seeing him soon. I woke up in my bed this morning, confused on where I was and had reality hit me like a ton of bricks...again. It was also only 6:30am and I don’t need this much time in the day to think and feel this way. I want to go back to sleep at least until 8. I tried turning all the lights off in the room, wearing a sleep mask and breathing. I also messaged a friend on discord. 

We were suppose to go to brunch today. We would have cuddled all night. Maybe even gone to see a movie last night or mini putt like we had been talking about. Something I realized, was he stopped telling me what he wanted and needed. I feel like if I didn’t want to do something he did I tried to find a compromise. He wanted wings, we got wings, he wanted to watch a movie, although I didn’t want to go at the time, I still brought my gift cards there so we could go one day and it was on me. Sure, now I wish I did all the things he ever wanted, just because maybe he would still like me. That is a toxic way of thinking though. I was comfortable saying no, and finding a way to make it work. Also he has friends he could have gone with. He also could have chosen to say no to me for things, and I guess he didn’t. I mean there were times he said no, like to mini putt, and then all of a sudden wanted to do it. I had called him out on it, he is allowed to change his mind, and I was still open to going. 

I wish we could talk it through. I think everything hurts more because he cut me off completely, and I am sad I allowed it. I couldn���t think straight, there are even things I said I wish I hadn’t. I want to see what his journal looks like. Compare notes. 

One thing online I saw about how to get over someone quickly was to understand what you can take from the relationship. Check ins, I have used them in the past for fuck buddies, why did I think I didn’t need to do this in a relationship. Apparently getting the back and forth wasn’t enough, maybe there needs to be the question of “how do you feel about this relationship?” “what can we do better?”. Although I think this is where I was going with question or highlight. I wanted us to see the good in a bad day, but also ask any questions if we weren’t certain. I had thought of asking a few times, and I mean I technically did once, even though I followed it up with “its a joke”. 

Yesterday I went to brunch with my cousin for her birthday. We ended up talking about my relationship. I left there smiling. I did feel a little better. I also went to go pick up my dresses yesterday, the lady why does my facials was there (they own it) and I told her, we had a long conversation and they are having me go out to dinner with everyone tomorrow for her daughters birthday. My sister was already going. I got home and did some work or tried... I ended up calling my old snake boss and we chatted for a while. The one time he asks a personal question its “how’’s your boyfriend” and of course I had to tell him. I made a couple of jokes here and there. I also reached out to James, as the last person to make me feel like I wasn’t enough. I think I just wanted his opinion on the situation as a dude who has no ties to any of it. Of course he wanted more after and I just told him no, I am not ready. I already feel guilty for talking to so many people about it, but this is how I am coping. If I stayed quiet and didn’t say anything I would be hurting a lot worse. I will not talk badly about D though. People have said “he’s a dick” and I defend him. I don’t think he is, and I don’t think he ever meant for this to go this way. Despite how many pieces my heart is in, he is a good person. I know he isn’t having an easy time right now either. 

I wish he would just message me and I could go over there and hug him and we could figure this all out together. We could take a few steps back and break down our relationship and maybe fill in some gaps. Make sure were both on the same page and put practices in place to make sure we never go off the rails again. 

I always had that list of questions I wanted to go through and we never did. I feel like that would have also helped. We ran instead of walked and I just went with it. I let go for once, and this is what happened. I don’t believe he doesn’t have feelings. I just need him to talk to me about it. I need him to not erase me from his life. 

I think I am going to feel guilty about having other people in my life, until we talk. I only want other people in my life to fill the void. I don’t expect anything more from them. I also have it in my head that if I start talking to these people in any way other than flirting I am betraying him, or I never actually liked him. I feel guilty. I wasn’t the one who made this decision though, and I would do anything to be back in his arms right now. I just don’t want to sit here and feel sorry for myself. If he did come to me and asked me if I had been talking to people I would admit I reached out to old contacts that I knew I could use as a bandaid. Thats what they are. 

I keep thinking about all the things that could have changed this. Us not fucking on that cottage trip we had, even though we had other intimate moments that meant more to me, at least. What if I ended up going to golf with him, which I wanted and told him I would make time to do, but when I asked he didn’t make it a priority. Then went “I wish we went”. Maybe I could have tried harder, but he often went back on the things he wanted. He wanted my help filming his guitar videos and I always told him I would, but then we never did it. Then he said he felt silly posting videos online. I think it also had something to do with his age. He is very hard on himself and I know he has issues with aging, it not fun, but he needs to start enjoying the moments instead of dwelling on time, or its going to keep passing by and he wont be happy. Which is already where he is at. He is just young enough to change it. 

There are some things I thought about while in the relationship, that I was like, maybe this isn’t what I want because it would make my life difficult. I did also see it as I have a man who makes my life easy, so whats 20 extra minutes in the morning and on my way home. At least I would be going home to him. It was when he said he was looking at houses on the other side of the city. The side I am not used to. We did have a conversation about it and the conclusion came down to, everyone he knows is on the east side, and its close enough to everyone I know. Plus it was easier for him for work (again, what about me). It was his house and I was just happy to be part of his plans. We had discussed it being temporary regardless. Neither of us wanted to stay in the city long term and that was all I really wanted at the end of the day. 

I think what excited me the most was he had a plan and I just had to be added to it. 

I just sat here for an hour looking through google and where I have been. I made a list of all the things we did together. If this is what I need to do to heal, sure. I hope he sees it. I also made him the playlist I was suppose to make him over a month ago. I always showed him the songs I wanted regardless, he just put mine in a playlist. Maybe I should get out of bed now. I have been sitting here since 6:40. Im debating messaging Charles. 

[sluttyten]

tmi for the day, but today’s a day when the h*rny thoughts just like won’t stop