#brainstuff

[kawaiimessiah]

and like to clarify here, the reason this went undetected even to me for so long is simply bc i'm very very good at detaching myself from my body and physical sensation, probably a result of growing up with undiagnosed autism and not being able to explain why things that were normal for others were too loud/bright/painful etc to me. So I just like, fully didn't notice that I've been in physical pain this whole time until like a month ago and then I couldn't un-notice it.

Anyways if you have autism and you can't sleep consider that maybe you have chronic pain. Or don't, I'm not a doctor idk.

[loserkaleidoscope]

I'm also terribly nervous about wearing my Nikolai cosplay because it doesn't look in any way canon and it is I who wears it, I feel like I'm gonna throw up, which is very ridiculous. Comparison truly is the thief of joy (I've seen so many stunning Grishaverse cosplayers yesterday that I feel like dirt under someone's shoe. But seeing all of these cosplays was awesome at the same time)

[arogoldpika123]

One of my many alternative character/oc/personas: Me, but girl and artist. Cuz I'd be down with being an artist and a lesbian

[thestuffedalligator]

Someone wanting to write or draw or record something because of something you made is the highest honour you can receive on this website.

[sea-salted-wolverine]

I need somebody with a background in psychology or a history of anxiety disorders to help me out here. I am drawing a line between adrenaline junkies and panic attacks. Though to be perfectly fair I'm not sure if this is a dividing line or a connection.

AFAIK, there isn't a ton, or really any research on adrenaline junkies, which is kinda wild if you think about it. At its foundation it is intentionally provoking the physical reactions of a panic attack and hijacking the fight or flight response for endorphins. This tends to get written off as thrill seeking or irresponsible behavior, not in the least because we refer to it in the language of addiction. But I am inclined to think it's something more akin to emotional detachment. Fear and a fear response can be entirely separate things.

[sadpurpleblood]

urggwhsgdg does anyone wanna hear me ramble about stuff so i can get my brain emptier. i can ramble about. tons of worldbuilding adjacent topics. just tell me what i should ramble about and i will.

[observancesys]

in one server i call out all of the other mods on stuff frequently and it makes them soooo mad but a ton of the people on the server love me because i write detailed and caring constructive critique of their art and show pointed attention to it. and i think thats really just the endpoint of my "be both a Hater -and- a Lover" philosophy in action

[bluntforcespatter]

hey, i meant to wait unti i was a lil more stable to try to say smthn, but i wanted to check in on y'all n see if you're doin ok. /nf i saw some of the vent stuff n i figured maybe i should say smthn since i'm up [didn't want to be but oh well] if you want to talk or anything lmk, idm listening like y'all offered earlier /gen but obv i'm not gonna be upset if you'd rather not thrf just wanted to offer. - 📺

thank you for the offer, sorry for the concern. just been through a lot and i often explode.

sort of cyclically i blow up, everything goes out everywhere and then i clean it all back up frantically to bottle it back up again.

i should figure out a way to run these cycles that doesn't involve posting it online and then deleting it because sometimes people are still awake to see or are in different time zones but uhhh i'll figure it out

i appreciate it. i do not want to bother anyone and sometimes i need to scream into the void but i will do my best to keep it to the aesthetics-posting on here. sometimes it just feels like my brain starts pouring out of my ears and into the internet

i am sorry you aren't currently doing well either. i hope you improve soon. i know stability is tenuous at best sometimes.

[miss-bvnny]

Okay fine. MY re-write for Kion.

The lion guard has not existed for several generations. There was never a replacement guard inaugurated after Scar killed his. And while Simba had many friends, he had no siblings. When Scar took the throne after murdering Mufasa, he forbade a guard from forming, fearing that all the younger and stronger lions would form a coup and overthrow him. When Simba returned, he didn't feel the need for one either. Sarafina and Sarabi explained the tragic fate of Scar's guard to him when he returned, and Simba didn't want more stress in the middle of his busy term rebuilding the pridelands. The guard as an idea died out, and perhaps it was for the best. The royal family had enough of a rule over the Pridelands, and did not need to micromanage every little detail to an almost fascist extent. Everyone was shocked but content to see the new King Simba ACTUALLY fully retire the idea.

...And it might've been best if it had stayed that way.

Kion never took anything seriously. He could always be found fooling around and shirking his responsibilities. Simba worried about himfor this. The cub was adopted after he'd been found alone in the grasslands, and having a hard time fitting in with the royal family. Simba was the king. Nala led the hunts. Kiara was to be Queen one day. So...what was Kion? The spare? Royal only by mere adoption? He didn't seem to have any sort of importance to his name like the rest of his family. As a child that had always seemed nice. He would tease his older sister for the responsibilities she would be burdened with. Ha! He had none of that! He was free to play and goof off with the other cubs his age as much as he pleased! Such wonderful golden days! Nothing but a life of Hakuna Matata as far as he could see!!

...The ignorant bliss only lasted until Kion realized what it REALLY meant.

He stumbled across the abandoned lair of the Lion Guard by chance one day while playing. These days, the pride occasionally used it for privacy when lionesses gave birth, but not for much else. When he asked his father what it was, Simba felt like explaining the Guard and its controversial level of control over the pridelands was a good idea. Kiara had learned the dangers and true story about it not so long ago, after her adventures with Scar's heir that fateful day. Kion deserved to know as well. Simba cautioned him that the guard was a gateway drug. An open door to a lust for power that would eat him alive, the same way it had eaten Scar alive. Even a royal lion was not meant to have that much power. Kion seemed to finally take this seriously, and vowed to never become like his great uncle. But....in a way, it was always out of his paws.

The truth is...Kion was almost always destined from the start to follow in Scar's footprints. Despite being adopted into Simba's family with no idea of his own parentage...the evil red lion haunted his family tree far closer than anyone else might've wagered.

Kion was in a hurry to get the Lion Guard out of his head and go back to his normal life. And yet...it didn't leave him alone as easily as he wished it would. He kept thinking about how the guard would give him a purpose. Something important to do in the family. It would be just like being a king, wouldn't it? Keeping everything in check, and ensuring no harm befell innocent pridelanders. A lot of Kion's best friends were prey animals! And he wanted to help his friends! Simba always acted so calm about it in front of mixed company, but Kion heard his father's whispering about the hyenas, when no one was around. There was still a hint of resentment and distrust for the creatures. So...someone had to do something to keep the scum out of their lands, right?

It was a game at first. Something for Kion and his little ''Guard'' playing pretend as they went all over the pridelands. Being heroes and helping where they felt their help was needed. In reality, they were a bit of a nuisance. But the children didn't quite see it that way. The guard interrupted hunts, important ceremonies held by other species, and nearly got other animals killed with their interference. In an attempt to catch the eye of the beautiful Tiifu, Kion thought to show off by trying to fight Janja, the direct descendant of Shenzi herself. Had it not been for Nala interfering, the entire ordeal might've ended much worse.

The king and queen had to do quite a lot of cleaning up to fix the mess Kion and his friends seemed to leave wherever they went. Kiara wet along with them, dutifully trying to prove herself a proper princess in the wake of Kion and his chaos.

They were children. Children playing with something bigger than they could comprehend. Kion saw it as his rightful place in the circle of life, and his infatuation with his ''destiny'' blinded him from the truth. There even came a time when Ono, Fuli, and Beshte grew tired of the game and no longer wanted to play. Their parents had explained the gravity of things to them, and they understood. Kion refused to give in. Surely this was HIS destiny. HIS calling. His so called ''friends'' didn't believe in him. They were just like everyone else! They thought he was a useless spare! Bunga was the only one who stood at Kion's side, but...arguably that was just because Bunga was the only one fool enough to go along with it. Kion broke down in a fit with no one but Bunga to talk some sense into him, and...''talking sense'' was simply not Bunga's strong suit. With what he perceived as his purpose on the line, Kion decided he would have to show them all that this was what he was meant for.

He was so consumed and inconsolable about the idea, that he failed to realize the very familiar path he was walking down. But how COULD he know? He was only a child, seeing things from a very one-sided perspective. A perspective that was bound to get him in bigger trouble with other pridelanders one day....

[ranvwoop]

its wallowing hours! again.

[kawaiimessiah]

was doing normal sane not neurotic things and then got distracted by the sims and played for an hour without realizing it and am now in a much better place mentally. love that for me gonna keep doing that

[oha-yuu]

Just watched Wish and the first thing that comes to my mind is "King Magnifico's TWST-equivalent character comes to NRC as a new or returning professor-"

He gets let go from Royal Sword Academy for reasons and Crowley (in all of his gracious generosity) offers him a teaching position at Night Raven College.

[renniferno]

my adult thing for the day, besides working and sorting out a disagreement between two little kids which is literally what they pay me for, was signing up for the local area's ehlers-danlos society's email list. i also learned of about 20 new things that i one, didn't know had names, and two, could potentially be related to the fact that i have heds???? aka 'that's a fucking symptom????'

maybe i'll be able to go to a support group meeting to be like 'haha yeah i'm really only just starting to come to terms with it and analyze its impact on my life and ability to function! i'm still learning!' so all of the people who have been doing this shit for decades can guide me through it.

maybe someone will teach me to knit.

[swadloom]

It's so deeply ironic that I want to make a post about how I'm probably not what would usually be considered nonverbal or semiverbal but there's some part of that I struggle with, where I wish I'd let myself communicate more simply instead of either speaking perfectly or not at all. but I'd feel almost. offensive?? faking?? in the same way as I was nervous to stim back when I was first thinking I could be neurodivergent.

And then I'm like. Okay draft 2 of that post to make it clearer. Okay draft 3 because I probably don't make sense and should delete 80% of this. Okay draft 4 so it doesn't seem like I'm complaining about being low support needs. 20 minutes of reading discourse to see if I will be eaten alive for typing the words "low support needs" or if that's the accepted one. Okay that next sentence was even worse take 20 more minutes to think of a better way to phrase that. Fail to process my post when I reread it. Delete and start over. Okay draft 2 to-

[unicarcass]

for folks that have such a hard time letting go we sure like a lot of media where a huge part of the central theme is letting go and moving on

[dandorime]

<Meanwhile in the incomplete universe in my brain, where none of the characters have established physical forms...>

Phoenix: THAT'S ME? (ㅇㅅㅇ)

Reginald: ...well, uh... That's one person's interpretation of you, you don't necessarily... (·•᷄‎ࡇ•᷅ )

Phoenix: GODDAMN I look rad as hell! Why didn't you tell me I was a badass?! ( ˶°ㅁ°)!!

Juniper: You didn't know?

Phoenix: NO! YOU DID?

Reginald: AS I SAID, this is only one person's interpretation of you. You needn't conform to the- ( `−ㅿ−´)

Phoenix: Hell no, you're not taking this away from me! I'm officially a formidable suave-as-hell sonofabitch, and y'all better remember it! ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ

Reginald: ...oh dear. (•᷄- •᷅ ;)

John: ...he's going to be insufferable now, isn't he. 눈_눈

My Agent Pheonix design is a year old today! Wish him a happy birthday

I don’t draw him much and I never did but here’s some highlights of art done of him by me and friends

Art in order by ; @/salezmanradioz @npder1ntroject my friend ahri I don’t think has tumblr but is @/dmm_badluck on insta and @/bumblebee12 on art fight !

The rest are me