#breathless winds

[breathlesswinds]

(Devlog) What We Learned Making A Trans Dating Game

Hello, Amelia here, the writer for Breathless Winds. It's been 250,000+ words, countless revisions, and three years since this game entered development, and I wanted to talk about what I've learned leading up to release.

The concept for Breathless Winds was actually sort of a joke between friends. I was talking with Doris about how there should be a dating game where you play as a trans woman and your dating options revolve around certain ‘tropes’ we’d both seen in trans fiction-- the totally accepting cishet guy who falls in love with the trans heroine before she even knows she’s a woman, the cool trans woman who the heroine doesn’t know if she wants to date or wants to be, and so on.

Doris wound up suggesting we make this game ourselves. We both like visual novels and want to tell LGBT stories. Still half-jokingly and half-seriously, we started fleshing out what the romance options would be and coming up with a setting-- and soon, we were fully committed to making this game real.

I was a fan of visual novels but had only ever written prose. I knew which visual novels I liked and which scenes stood out, but I didn’t know why they did or how to make my own. 

I read some great advice from visual novel developers, but a good amount of my knowledge came from just working on Breathless Winds. As our first project, this game has grown a lot with us and we’ve learned a lot while making it.

Learning How to Write Visual Novels

A bad habit I had to break out of was only using the ‘novel’ part of the game and not the ‘visual’ part. I would sometimes write “He smiled” or lines like that, and Doris informed me that we can convey this much more simply with a sprite change.

It sounds obvious in retrospect, but lines like that are often pretty invisible when you’re reading a non-visual novel. These lines change the sprite of the character inside your head (if that makes sense, haha). I realized that I’m so used to them being ‘invisible’ that I didn’t notice their absence in visual novels I liked, so I would accidentally include them while writing. 

I was also writing these routes in a word processor, so I didn’t have the visual portion to reference, myself. I wound up making a lot of ‘tone’ notes like, “Lantana should be smug here” so that the meaning would carry when revising and implementing these into Ren’py. 

So, while visual novels share a lot with prose, they’re an entirely different medium. On the subject of representing things visually, I’ve struggled trying to figure out how much can be visually represented and how much should be written. 

Every asset in the game has to be drawn by Doris, so if I want the characters to go to a new location for a scene, I have to keep in mind that’s another background that Doris has to draw. If I want a new character to show up, that’s another sprite she has to draw. I don’t want to overload her, but if I’m trying to avoid this entirely, characters sometimes wind up standing in one room talking for ages without anything significant changing on-screen.

I’ve learned that it’s recommended for something to almost always be changing on-screen, though, so sometimes I just have to ask Doris to make a new asset for a certain scene. I still try to stick to locations/characters that already exist more often than not.

Every single thing in a visual novel is deliberate. Another thing I’ve had to learn that I never even considered before is how to write each line so it fits in the text box. It sounds obvious, but when I’m playing a visual novel, I don’t usually think about how each line has to be carefully constructed so it doesn’t need to be split up into two or more text boxes. In my mind, if a visual novel is well-created, there’s not much that breaks a reader’s immersion.

Planning & Outlining

The previous section might sound really weird to some people, so let me elaborate.  I’m a lifelong ‘write by the seat of your pants’-er, so the biggest trial-and-error of creating Breathless Winds for me was planning out the game.

Initially, I created outlines for each of the four routes, and we agreed ahead of time on which CGs each route would have. That way, Doris could draw the necessary backgrounds and CGs while I was in the long process of drafting this game.  My original outlines weren’t great. I know a lot of people have different experiences with writing, but for me personally, a story is always shaping itself in my mind. When I started making the outlines for Breathless Winds, I knew the concepts we wanted to convey, but I didn’t know what each route (and the game as a whole) was really about yet. This might sound weird and unprofessional, but sometimes, I don’t know what a story is about until I finish the first draft.

So while I was writing, I would look at my outlines and I would think, “this doesn’t actually make sense, he wouldn’t say that” or “this plot point would work better if moved to this other section” or “there’s a plot hole here I didn’t notice”. The story wound up changing a lot in this way as I learned what it’s really ‘about’. 

And even after I finished the first draft, I’d get feedback from Doris and/or my editor and they would suggest fixes to problems that even I hadn’t noticed, and then I would revise the route some more, and later on I’d come back and need to redo part of the route to comply with something I wrote in a later route-- I haven’t really felt ‘finished’ with Breathless Winds at any point, and I think I’ll still feel this way after the game is released.

This means that sometimes, a background was created but would go unused because there was no space for the scene that would use it, or we’d need a new CG last-minute, or so on. 

When I’m figuring things out as I go while writing a non-VN, the only person that I can adversely affect is my own self… so I’m eternally grateful for all of Doris’s patience with me on this matter. I think Breathless Winds has come out a much better game for all the re-plotting and revision. 

I redid the outlines several times as I went. I think I’ve understood how to create outlines that personally work for me-- ‘living’ outlines that hit all the main points, but leave wiggle room for moments when a character does something unexpected, work the best for me.

Scope Creep

So, originally, each route was meant to be 40,000 words. “With four routes, that’s only 160,000 words!” I thought. “And some of my favorite visual novels are about that long, so I can write that much, too!” ← clueless

This is the most infamous mistake that new creators make, and I walked right into it. I should have known better since I’ve bitten off more than I can chew with past non-VN writing projects before, but I was starry-eyed and didn’t realize how much work it is to make a VN. Some of those favorite visual novels I referenced were made by much larger teams, writers whose full-time job was writing (I wrote all of these routes on the side while working at a day job). 

If I could have done it again, I would have asked Doris to start out with a really short VN. But, I don’t regret making Breathless Winds at all. It’s brought Doris and I a lot closer, for one. Every time I thought I wanted to give up on this, Doris would motivate me to continue. Without the two of us both and our strong friendship, Breathless Winds wouldn’t exist, and I think that’s beautiful. 

No matter what, we’re going to see it through to the end. (I hope people like it, though…)

Anyway, here I am talking about how much 40,000 words is. Each route now is about 60k to 70k words. The problem with having evolving outlines is that they can often evolve into double their original size.

We came up with the idea of the poachers really early in development, and then not addressing the poachers felt like a failing, but by that point it was too late to remove the poachers entirely… and so the game wound up a lot longer dealing with the poachers. 

I think that if we had an editor sooner on in the game’s development, then we might have had someone to tell us, “do you really need all of this in the game? Does this plot point really need to be there? Will you be able to write all of this in a reasonable amount of time?”, haha. But Doris and I were really excited about the possibilities of this game when we started creating it, and without anyone to reel us back in, we wound up coming up with more and more things we wanted to put in the game.

Did you know there was going to be an island full of talking rats who say things like “the big cheese” and stuff all the time in Breathless Winds? Yeah. 

The Core Design Philosophy of Breathless Winds

So, for anyone who’s read this far but doesn’t know yet-- the premise of Breathless Winds is that you play as a trans woman who doesn’t know she’s trans yet, and she finds love with one of four love interests as she discovers her gender identity. 

In real life, it can be a lot messier for a person to date when discovering their gender identity. To put it briefly and mildly, a trans person’s life and sense of personal identity can rapidly change during a gender crisis and the early stages of transition. 

However, we wanted to make this game a ‘wish-fulfillment’ type story-- a trans fantasy about acceptance, community, and love. During a gender crisis, it can be easy to feel as if one has lost touch with themselves and become isolated from others. A sincere wish shared by many trans people is to be accepted, loved, and even celebrated as their true gender, not just tolerated. 

Since many trans people don’t get love and acceptance in real life, especially with the ongoing transphobic moral panic, we wanted to create a game that would bring this feeling of trans joy and celebration to trans audiences. 

We also hope that cis players will still enjoy the story and characters, and maybe come away from the game with a new understanding about being transgender and other aspects of LGBT identity (although we never intended this game to be ‘educational’).

Making Characters that Celebrate Trans Identity

Although we went through several revisions, the core identities of each character stayed the same since the game was first ‘jokingly’ pitched. In another post, I discussed how each character is themed around a change in seasons. (I also wound up theming them around the four humors when I was initially concepting them-- I really wanted to avoid too much ‘overlap’ in the LI’s personalities, haha). 

Ultimately, characters are created to serve a role. The LIs in Breathless Winds were designed to be love interests, of course-- characters who would appeal to the hypothetical trans femme audience. As mentioned earlier, we modeled them after other trans fiction tropes because these types of characters have a certain tried-and-true appeal, but this left plenty of flexibility to put our own spin on it. 

A trans woman being loved as a woman by a cishet guy can feel like a high form of ‘passing’, ‘fitting in’ to the female gender role, and being validated by his orientation. He only likes women, and he likes you, so you’re undoubtedly a woman. As a cishet guy, he represents a sort of acceptance into a societal norm that trans women can desire to live to. (Lantana, as a cis lesbian, represents the sapphic counterpoint to this-- although there is of course a big gap between the ‘normalcy’ of a cishet man and a cis lesbian woman, and I don’t mean to say those two are equivalent.) 

But not all trans women want to live to that (cis) societal norm. Rue and Valerian, as a trans woman and a trans man respectively, are the t4t options. 

Rue’s route represents that trans/sapphic ‘envy’ (“do I want her or do I want to be her?”) as well as finding power in community aside from what society considers ‘normal’. We’ve always been pretty clear about what we wanted to do with Rue’s route.

We went back and forth a lot more on Valerian’s route. Initially, we were unsure if he should be trans. He and Rue are the two less-friendly love interests (at least initially), so I was afraid it would come across that t4t is a more hostile option, which is not true at all. But it also felt like a mistake to not have a trans man in the game-- but making Gallardia trans would have required a big overhaul of what we had in mind for him and his route. (Although, childhood friends t4t is a really good idea...)

Beyond that, Valerian takes a villainous role in any route that isn't his own. We were worried that it would be wrong to have a trans antagonist who represents unjust power. However, Breathless Winds is a queer game with other positive trans characters, and we've always approached Valerian as a hot anti-villain man that you can't help but like.

In the end, Valerian’s route is about breaking generational cycles and what it is that makes you a man, and I also managed to sneak in a scene where they dance at a ball in the royal palace, so in the end I think it all worked out great.

Wish Fulfillment and Catharsis

Doris and I both agreed that we wouldn’t depict on-screen transphobia in Breathless Winds. Poppy worries about not being accepted, but fear of acceptance can come with any change in identity. Rue was rejected by her family for being trans, but this doesn’t take place ‘on screen’ in the game. There exist certain metaphorical parallels for transness and transphobia, but every route has a happy ending. 

Following up on this-- it can be difficult to write about discovery of gender identity without writing about transphobia, considering how many trans people suffer from internalized transphobia during their period of repression.

Sometimes, repressed/closeted transgender people ‘hyper-perform’ their assigned gender as a form of denial. A trans woman might grow out a beard and join a gym, while a trans man might become very interested in makeup and feminine clothing. 

In Breathless Winds, Poppy often struggles with ‘strength’ and what it means to be a man. In several routes, she tries to prove her strength under the assumption that being stronger would make her happy. Afraid the world would reject her if she became who she really is, she preemptively rejects herself.

Not every trans person suffers from prolonged denial, internalized transphobia, or even gender dysphoria. I don’t think it’s impossible to tell a purely-positive story about trans joy. 

While Poppy never gets rejected for being trans, faces transphobia, gets called a slur, etc, she faces both internal and external (metaphorical) obstacles to realizing and accepting her identity. 

Gallardia represents a societal norm that Poppy can’t live up to herself as a man.

Lantana suffers from certain aspects of her identity as a woman, which makes Poppy feel guilt for wanting to be a girl.

Rue is isolated from town at the start of her route, a ‘punishment’ for breaking this societal norm.

Valerian has to hyper-conform to his masculine gender role at first in toxic ways before finding acceptance from within and from his loved ones.

These struggles are real to a lot of people, but instead of pretending they don’t exist, I hoped to tell a story about catharsis. Poppy is able to live up to her truth as a woman and finds love with Gallardia, Poppy and Lantana redefine what being a woman should and does mean to them, Rue and Poppy find community in others who don’t fit the norm, Poppy and Valerian stop seeking gender validation from a society that was never made to serve them. 

Although these powerful forces of oppression exist, loving yourself as a trans person- and loving those around you, protecting the natural world, and standing up for what you believe in- can save the day. That’s the kind of story we wanted to tell.

Wrap-up

There’s a lot more I could write, but this has already gotten really long (sorry!) so I’ll wrap it up here. 

Learning how to write a visual novel in terms of technical skill (how to depict events on-screen, how long each line should be) as well as in terms of writing skill (how to outline the game, how to plan visual assets) has been a massive undertaking for me. 

Writing Breathless Winds has been a big challenge but also deeply rewarding, and all of your support has made the experience even more wonderful. Thank you for reading and thank you for supporting the game!

[dorisartdev]

[artsyunderstudy]

"My darling. My love. It's all right."

[breathlessmorro]

Can I request a skybound Destinyshipping? Like Kai is the onr trying to save Morro

YOU ARE A GENIUS ANON HOW HAVE I NEVER THOUGHT OF THIS??? I'm doing two versions of this, one where their story is background, and one where they are totally at the center of the season.

Destinyshipping Skybound Edition (background story)

Nadakhan knows Morro is responsible for bringing the Cursed Realm to NinjaGo. While Nya destroyed the realm, he blames Morro equally for its destruction, and by extension the destruction of his home. So when he captures Jay, and Morro makes an attempt to free him, Nadakhan does not intend to show mercy.

Nadakhan tortures both Morro and Jay - and feel free to interpret it however you wish - but with Morro? He's forcing him to keep the skies clear to keep the Zeppelins afloat. Morro is the only ninja who never makes a single wish, because he knows they won't work in his favor. However, Nadakhan likes to tempt him with the green ninja. Being human again. Beyond that, he promises to give Morro one more thing; Kai

Nadakhan cannot grant a wish for love, but a wish for lust is different. Even if he's in the sword, he can make Kai crazy for Morro. Leaning towards the idea that Kai doesn't like Morro yet, Morro is greatly tempted by the idea that Kai wouldn't hate him anymore, but pure lust? Does he really want that?... Well, the more he thinks about it, the more tempting it is. A slip of the tongue leaves him wishing to be with Kai, and he ends up in the sword.

Eventually, Morro ends up in the sword. When he and Kai are brought out by Jay, he doesn't know how to react. Nadakhan got him in one wish, and that wish was Kai. How is he supposed to explain that? Kai's made his indifference totally clear and honestly, it's deserved. He loses focus in the fight, if only because he has no idea how he feels anymore.

When the reversal happens courtesy of Jay's wish, Morro's memories may be erased but those feelings remain. He looks at Kai in a new light, and he hates to admit it, but he likes it. While he has no clue where the idea of liking him came from, he knows it's quickly becoming a problem.

Destinyshipping Skybound Edition (main story)

So straight up, Morro is the one Nadakhan first targets. The reason he's alone? Stomping off after the ninja annoy him - specifically Kai. The two of them butt heads more often than not, and Nadakhan offers to fix that. He can't grant Morro love, but he can't make Kai see him in a different light. Accidentally, Morro wishes that Kai would appreciate him for who he was. And his wish is his to keep. Kai comes to find him, worried and insistent they stay together. Morro realizes he messed up.

Kai is a lot more worried about Morro than before. Morro is annoyed by it at first, but eventually starts to realize why the team likes him. Why people like Kai. He's caring, he's sensitive, he remembers the things you tell him. Morro's one-sided wish quickly becomes a problem as he starts to feel guilty. Guilty because Kai doesn't actually feel this way for him, and Morro is starting to wish that he did.

But of course, he cannot make the same wish twice, Nadakhan reminds him when they're alone again. Morro wants to scream, because how dare he? He never meant to make a wish in the first place, and he never meant to make Kai something he wasn't. He inadvertantly wishes that Nadakhan would leave him alone, and the team finds him. And Morro tells them the truth. The team gets angry with him, especially Kai. The island essentially plays out the same, with Morro getting captured instead of Jay.

Nadakhan is furious. If Morro was responsible for taking Djinjago from him, then he will be responsible for returning it. He makes plans to marry him instead of Nya, and because he already has Morro in his grasp, they can act on that much sooner. Morro's escape attempts include possessing Nadakhan - and failing miserably - jumping off the ship only to realize Vengestone works on ghosts, and even considering jumping into a puddle of water. None of it works.

When the team comes to rescue him, they're already planning to shoot Nadakhan with the Tiger Widow Venom. Except because of Morro's first wish, Kai ends up jumping in too early to protect him, and he gets hit as well. Because Nadakhan is losing his power, Kai snaps out of the wish, and Morro apologizes profusely. Because of him, Kai got hurt, and he never wanted that to happen. He's grown to care about him, after seeing his kinder side, and he regrets that it was a wish that did that. Kai tells him he doesn't want him to blame himself anymore, that in another time, maybe he would have started to care on his own, because even through his wish, when he was giving Morro a chance, he had started to genuinely develop feelings for him. Morro wishes that they had gotten the chance to fall for each other without Nadakhan ever escaping that teapot, and his wish is his to keep. The reversal happens, and he and Kai remember everything. They're the ones who kiss at the billboard, much to Lloyd's upset and everyone else's confusion. Nadakhan never escapes.

[oatbugs]

tell us about your transcendental experience !

waiting for the bus + some here most in tags .

• empty train with at least a hundred people in front of it, none of them boarding

• the feeling i have failed in something i love (AI, love, long story)

• my bag is soaked in the alcohol someone got drunk on but i really dont care (it made them feel so at one with the music and i could see it and if it means they had to, through a series of chance, spill it on my bag, that is okay)

• HEY TARO !! (multiple hundreds of people shouting this out loud. ringing in my head in the best way)

• people saying "please don't go i'll eat you whole i love you so i love you so i love you so" to each other in a concert hall

• transcendent nature of memory and its everbearingness makes me deeply disconcerted but also now i feel simultaneously glad we have this burden to bear (the burden of forgetting is perhaps even worse unless you forget everything at once, in which case it's [just like] death)

• sat down on the ground i sang out loud with everyone like really loud like really really loud and i closed my eyes and let the light wash over my eyes and the loud music was the most . calming experience i have ever had

[vote2]

its been nearly two weeks and i still have a cough this is my cross to bear ig.

[gemsgamegems]

OH MY GOODNESS THE BREATHLESS WILD DEMO IS SO DANG GOOD?!?!?!

I need the full game like I need air, thx

[frudoo]

Simon Riley kisses with everything he has—everything he is. He leaves you breathless long before his lips ever touch yours. Gently running his fingers through your hair, or cupping your face with one hand, thumb rubbing along your bottom lip. His honeyed brown eyes are so full of life as they stare into yours and it feels like he’s picking apart your soul just with his gaze. Just before you get the chance to break the tension, find some relief, he does it for you, closing the expectant space between the two of you. His lips part deliberately, gently slotting between yours with careful, practiced ease because he wants it to be perfect for you every single time.

Simon Riley kisses with nothing short of perfection; maybe it’s the military in him that makes him need to perform flawlessly, or maybe it’s the way you look at him like he’s human that makes him want to cherish you, convince you—or himself, though he’d never admit it—that he can make you happy. He’s obsessed with you, the softness of your lips, the taste he craves on a long, grueling mission. Perhaps that’s why he devours you when he comes back home, kissing you like his life depends on it, because it does. He suckles on your bottom lip like a newborn to its mother’s breast—you’re his life source and he’s drinking you up. You nourish him and don’t even realize it until he’s cradling the back of your head, pulling you in impossibly close.

Simon Riley refuses to pull away first, a low whine escaping his throat when you do part. You pant, desperate to catch your breath but all too willing to let him steal it again as his tongue slides into the gap of your mouth, running along your teeth. He’s uncaring of the sloppiness, immune to the feeling of slobber running down his chin. All that matters is you and every inch of that perfect mouth that tells him you’re his. No matter where his hands are initially, they’ll wind up beneath your shirt, trailing up your back and tracing mindless patterns on your soft skin. The skin that reminds him that there is a life worth living, even if you’re the only one that cares—and care, you do, in the way you suck his hungry tongue into your mouth, just as eager as he is.

Simon Riley, who was so afraid to love, finds it hard to adore you with anything less than his entire heart.

[konigsblog]

headlocks 'nd könig

; getting fucked in a headlock

tw: headlock, power difference (?) female reader.

simon riley ver...

with one burly arm tightening around your nape, holding your body close to his, the smell of your perfume still lingering on your bare neck. you pant, heavy and lightheaded as könig grinds his muscular, broad hips upwards and against your pretty, tight ass.

“mein herz, don’t you hear yourself? panting like a filthy dog, aren’t you, ja?”

könig adores having complete control and power over you. with your body atop of his, his strong arm holding you close as he fucks and thrusts skywards into you, your thighs supple and spread apart, allowing him to fuck you with ease. the roughness of his hoarse austrian accent has you gasping through tears, two smaller hands grasping at his biceps, attempting to catch your breath as he slams his thick, hot cock into your wet, slick heat, the texture of your gummy walls addictive.

“what is it, little mouse. can’t handle a little’ roughening up, nein?”

könig taunts you for not being able to catch up with him, having more stamina and endurance, while you rest upon his large, brute body, panting and breathless as he knocks the wind from your lungs once again. the impact and force of his broad hips and muscular thighs against yours has you sobbing pathetically, feeling stupid under his harsh gaze, with your lips puffy from weeping and your cheeks sore from being slapped

“take me deeper, little bunny, let me show you how a real man fucks... can’t keep up? then you’ll just have to try, my dear.”

you grip his upper arm, muscles tensing underneath your fingers as he fucks you mercilessly, with his heavy, musky balls pressed against your ass, pounding into you like a mutt in heat.

[breathlesswinds]

The original Breathless Winds demo has been updated with new sprites! Breathless Winds is an upcoming visual novel about a trans woman discovering her gender, as well as true love, in an island-fantasy setting! Check it out for free:

[dorisartdev]

[aylaaescar]

Ayla: [can, has, and will rip the air out of somebody's lungs in a fight]

Tysinno: 😍😍😍 I want to marry her someday

[neptnszn]

waking up horny in the dead of night with SUGURU GETO as your boyfriend is actual hell sometimes

i just know that this man has the worst attitude when really tired. who can blame him? being a guy as hot as he is cannot be easy.

“girl—” suguru would grunt and turn back over after shaking him awake for dick. for dick. yeah self-inflicted really. other times he wouldn't say anything at all, just shoot you a nasty look.

but a girl has her needs.

“baby please?” you try again, perching your chin onto his buff arm. “the dream was a little too detailed.” a small pout forms on your puckered lips.

“that isn't my fault,” suguru counters, the soft bass in his voice resounding in your shared bedroom. “you couldn't have waited until there was light outside?”

you shake your head.

“must be tough. good night, sweetheart.”

this man. you groan out an exasperated ‘suguru!’ and curve over his form, staring at him as if he can see you through his closed eyelids.

“no, y/n.”

“i’ll top?”

you lied.

you knew damn well you couldn't be bothered to ride him to an orgasm at two in the morning and so did suguru. so when he scoffed and muttered “roll over.” you were grinning victoriously.

“I don't belive you.” suguru hissed, lifting up your hoodie over your hips and feeling up the skin of your ass.

“sorry, sugu’.” you're breathless already when he starts spreading the globes of your ass apart to take a good look at your cunt through low lidded eyes with the sleep and arousal still weighing them down. suguru merely tutted, wrapping a hand around his bobbing cock to push his tip in for the second time tonight.

you tensed as you sunk your head into the pillow in front of you. suguru had a big dick. you knew that much from the time you caught wind of what his attitude was like. nonchalant, quiet confidence, tall, pretty large hands. You'd be surprised if he didn't.

“y/n..if you don't relax. I can't move if you're trying to crush me.” you roll your eyes—so dramatic.

you ease up, but quickly choke on your breath when he slides all the way in, filling you with his thick inches. your pussy flutters at the intrusion, squeezing suguru again. “shiittt baby..” yeah—he undoubtedly missed that.

and when suguru sees your ass ripple and hips jump forward with every deep thrust, he suddenly thinks that he made a good decision.

but he was still fucking tired.

“mm-mm, don't run from me, sweetheart. you wanted me to give it to you, so take it—take this dick ‘fore I take it away.”

“you're so needy, can't even let a man sleep.”

“pretty girl just can't stop creamin’ all over me, so cute.”

“listen t'thaat, it's like your pussy's doin’ all the talking. have i made you dumb already, sweetheart?

for someone who’s so fatigued, he can't seem to shut up at all. mumbling and groaning nastiness all up in your ear like he's drunk on your pussy. suguru thinks he just might be.

he's got a firm grip on your hair and one digging into the fat of your hip, balls thwacking against your sticky cunt. suguru's strokes are mean, every ridge of his cock rubbing against your cushy walls. you're actually drooling, the dizzying mixture of exhaustion and pleasure making you float higher than the pearly gates. Yet with the way your hole squelches when he goes real deep..and his fat tip grinds on that one spot, you're going anywhere but heaven.

You don't even have to say it, suguru knows. suguru knows you're about to cum when he can feel you sporadically squeeze him and when your moans get longer and higher against the pillow you bury yourself into.

“gonna cum already?” he's giggling, the trembles of your ankles and the way your fist tightens not going unnoticed by him. “fuck me back, then. show me how bad you wanna cum on me.” he stops all motion before yawning out loud, a lazy hand reaching his face to cover his mouth. how sexy.

pressing your lips together, you brace your hands out in front of you and swing your ass back on suguru. you were on thin ice right now, and with his snarky attitude, he literally might just leave you high and dry.

your knees are unsteady and shaky but you persevere, looking over your shoulder to see jet black strands hang over his face and shoulders, and amber eyes steeled on where you two connect. his lips are parted slightly as he huffs out a gravelly groan.

“yeah, jus’ like that. fuck me.” suguru praises, words sliding over each other slightly. he picks up the pace again, balls tightening as his head hangs low. he listens to your drawn out moans, sounding more like broken sobs with each stroke he gives you and it makes him dizzy. “‘m gonna cum, i'm gonna cum.” he's whining now.

“inside, sugu’—don't stop!” you beg as you spasm around him, milking your boyfriend.

suguru huffs out a laugh, a lazy grin stretches on his lips. he loves seeing you needy and mind-fucked like this—it scratches an itch deep in his soul. “alright. stay still f'me sweetheart—gonna give it to ya how you like.”

a shattered whimper rips from your throat as he pushes his hips all the way forward, and rams himself all the way in so his cock bullies that spot, the one that makes your cunt gush.

“o-ohh, my god! right there..’s right there, ‘m gonna cuumm..” you wail but he shushes you, the volume of your moans making him wince.

“make a mess pretty girl,” he grunts before his jaw goes slack and ropes of his sticky load flood your cunt. “fuuuckk..” but he doesn't stop—he powers through his orgasm and into overstimulation. suguru smiles when your eyes roll back and your limbs go limp, wailling into the satin pillowcase as you cum and cream onto him.

you think you black out for a second with your ears ringing and heart hammering in your chest. knees falling flat, your entire body slumps forward into the mattress as the aftershocks of your orgasm shoot through you like lightning. you could practically feel the beads of sweat sliding down your body underneath your hoodie.

when a warm and wet rag slides against your slit and inner thighs, you glance behind you and see an entirely spent suguru. he's continuously yawning while he pulls your flimsy underwear back up, before tossing the damp towel into the dirty laundry basket.

“thank you sugu’,” a satisfied sigh escapes your lips as he tucks you into his embrace, yet all suguru can do is scoff. you couldn't help but giggle at his annoyance, smiling like a cat who got the cream.

literally.

“next time, I'll just ignore you and get my well deserved sleep,” he spits, resting his chin atop your head.

totally worth it.

© NEPTNSZN 2024 ★ please do NOT copy, repost or modify my pieces, apply credit when necessary.

[qveerthe0ry]

Slipped Through

Summary: There is one tiny, silly little caveat to Joel’s insane, old man endurance.  Word Count: 2,182 Pairing: Joel Miller x F! AFAB! Reader Rating: 18+ Explicit Warnings: 18+ mdni, p in v sex, cowgirl, oral sex (m receiving), dirty talk, premature ejaculation, frottage, no use of y/n

If one thing is for certain in the post-apocalypse, it’s that Joel Miller fucks. 

You find this out a few months after he and Ellie settle in down the street from you. 

He’s handsome, built like a brick shithouse, all bulky muscle from years and years of hard-fought survival. He’s also shy. Everyone else in Jackson thinks he’s aloof, rude, scary. 

But not you. 

You see the same scars on his skin, the same clenched jaw and stony gazes as everyone else. But to you, he’s just a tired, scared, sad man in need of some TLC. 

He gets it, too. 

It took a while for him to warm up to you, your timid advances, your dropped hints. But as soon as he let you in, it was like a forest fire, one single spark caught by the wind and engulfing everything in flames. 

He fucks. 

He’s been around a few decades and it shows. His stamina is incredible. He can fuck you for hours without stopping, make you come on his cock over and over again until you’re begging for him to give in to his release. 

He takes you from behind, while you’re on your knees or while you’re his little spoon. He takes you while you stare up at him on your back, a hand between your bodies to put delicious pressure on your clit. 

Once he even took you up against the wall with your legs wrapped around his waist. Only once, though, because he had to call in sick for patrol, and Tommy wouldn’t let him rest until he told him what he’d done to pull his back so badly. 

He’s incredible. A selfless lover, so focused on making you feel good, his orgasm always second (or usually third or fourth) to yours. And he’s sweet, he calls you pet names and kisses you breathless and hands out praise like it’s expiring. He cleans you up after, and fetches you water, and holds you and strokes you until your shivers are gone and your breathing is back to normal. 

You have no complaints. But. There is one tiny, silly little caveat to Joel’s insane, old man endurance. 

He cannot keep it together when you ride him. With a gun to his head, you’re pretty sure he still couldn’t last long enough to get a solid session in with you on top. 

It’s not a bad thing, per se, but you like riding him. You enjoy taking a bit of control, letting him relax and ease his back after a long day. But he just… can’t last.

-

Joel’s cock is in your mouth. You love this part. You love breathing in the mixed scent of homemade soap and Joel’s natural smell as you nuzzle the wiry hairs. You love looking up at him and seeing his aroused grin and dark eyes staring back down at you. You love the way he feels so hot and thick against your tongue. You love getting him sopping wet so it’s even easier to take his girth when he fucks you. You love the feeling of his huge hand on the back of your head, tangling in your hair.

“God damn, baby, you suck dick like an angel.” 

You love that too— the praise, the wicked shit he says that completely negates how shy and timid he is outside of the bedroom. 

You hum around his cock and take him deeper. You’re never able to take him all the way, but when he nudges the back of your throat, you make swallowing motions and feel yourself contract around the thick head of his dick. His hand tightens in your hair, almost painful but not quite. 

“Jesus, your mouth, darlin’. Criminal.”

You hum again, and arch your back like a dog in heat, aching to feel him stretch you open. 

“C’mon, give me your pussy, baby.” 

His words are grunted, and maybe it’s a little mean of you to suck the life out of him before you plan to ride him. You think you like it, though, just being a little mean. 

He makes to move when you finally pull your lips from around him, but you hold him steady with two hands on his broad, sweaty chest. 

His pretty brown eyes widen in question, and his hands grab your hips hard as you hover over his cock, but he doesn’t say anything. 

He wants to. You can tell. His jaw clenches and his eyes fog over a bit as he looks down at your soaked center. But he stays silent as you line yourself up, stroke him through your folds a few times before letting his cockhead catch on your hole and sink in. 

The deep groan he lets out sounds pained. You coo at him, remove one of your hands from his chest to run through his silver curls. 

“Fuck.”

It’s gritted through his teeth, clenched together so tight you’re afraid they’ll crack. When you’re fully seated, you wiggle your ass and clench around him. 

“Baby,” he whimpers.

“Thought you wanted my pussy? Don’t you like it, Joel?” 

You lift up until he nearly falls out of you, and then fall right back down. A sound escapes your mouth, deep from your chest as you rise and fall again, throwing your head back at just how deep he reaches at this angle. 

His fingers grip your hips even tighter now, bruising and stinging. His breath whistles violently through his nostrils, stuttered and heavy. 

“Like it too much, darlin’, please.”

You spare him for a second, grinding down in his lap, swiveling your hips to help him simmer down. You rake your nails across his scalp in what you hope is a soothing gesture, but you can’t help the way you clench around him as you watch him struggle underneath you. 

Seconds pass as your hips grind out the smallest circles against him. His breaths are loud and warm against your nose and cheeks. He looks incredible like this, at your mercy, your devilish grin reflecting in his inky, wide pupils. 

His grip loosens the tiniest bit, and you watch his jaw clench and unclench as he squeezes his eyes shut. 

“You can take it, can’t you? For me?” 

You pout and rock your hips slowly, all the way up and back down, reveling in the familiar stretch and friction that’s torturous and not quite enough. You feel his chest expand with a shuttery gasp right under your palm, broken and ragged, and it makes you just that much wetter. 

“Sweet christ, the mouth on you tonight.”

His tongue pokes out to wet his red, bitten lips. When his eyes open back up, they’re all pupil, black and glossy and shining. Your cunt flutters around him at the sight of him so far gone, undone because of you. 

You squeeze your fingers in his hair, tugging, and he winces and you love it, this proud and powerful sensation coursing through your veins. You understand, now, how Joel feels when he fucks you, when you’re completely at the mercy of the pleasure he gives you. Why his lips always seem to lilt into a smirk, why that satiated smile doesn’t leave his face for hours, and why his gaze still feels so hungry no matter how many times you’ve gotten each other off. 

It’s addictive. 

His face untwists itself as you lighten the grip on his hair, but it screws right back up as you start to bounce on his cock. He curses, and you set a quick pace at the angle that makes you clench around his prick. 

“I can’t– Darlin’, I can’t.” 

His voice sounds panicked, so you lift up, let him slip completely out of you. You peer down to watch his glistening cock jerk wildly as his hips cant up into nothing. The muscles in his thighs tense something fierce, and you’re sure his nails have broke skin on your hips. 

“You can, baby. Just let me take care of you for once. Just enjoy it,” you say. 

His breath shutters in something akin to a sob, a warm gust across your heated cheeks. You let your hand trail up to his neck and goad him to break his staring contest with his jerking, weeping cock.

“You’re evil,” he tells you. 

You smirk. Your nails scrape over his stomach, the patch of curly hair there and the skin that pulls taut as his muscles strain against your touch.

“I think you like that.” 

Your hips tilt to align yourselves once more, and this time you sink down slowly until you’re seated on his thighs. For a moment, he gets a wicked glint in his eyes, dangerous looking. It vanishes as soon as you clench your walls around him. 

“You feel so good,” you whisper.

You catch his lips in your own. Distracted, he can’t kiss you back. The tight line of his mouth is frozen as you nibble on his plush bottom lip and rock your hips up and down. His noises are muffled this way, cut-off, like he wants to keep them from escaping. The softest whines, and the most beautiful music to your ears. 

You set a rhythm to match, and for a moment you think he’s managed to gain control. His palms are warm and sweaty on your hips, and then your ass, and you’re confident as you rise and fall. You’re working yourself up, too, as his prick supplies a delicious friction to the perfect spot inside you. Like it always does.  

But as you gasp and moan with your head thrown back, the calloused palms on your skin turn into sharp nails, and Joel’s sounds falter. 

“Off— get off,” he gasps. 

You do, rising up quickly, looking down between your bodies to watch Joel’s cock strain and throb in the cool bedroom air. You wait patiently for him to calm down as a second passes, then two, then—

“God dammit—”

Your eyes widen as you watch— in shock and horror and amazement and arousal— thick, white stripes shoot up to paint Joel’s chest and stomach. His abdomen pulls taut and his hips quiver with each wave of his climax.

“Shit—”

You’re frozen in time as Joel shakes with the intensity of it. And he just keeps coming, spurt after spurt making his dick jolt and twitch, until the last of it dribbles out of him and his poor cock gives one last gasping breath. 

“Fuck you,” he pants, squeezing your hips, but there’s no heat behind it. There’s nothing at all behind it as he slumps into the mattress, boneless and defeated. 

It’s the hottest thing you’ve ever seen. Which may not be saying much, since your pre-apocalyptic life was fairly short-lived, but it’s the truth. 

This man, sturdy and hardened and full of grit, reduced to a mess of a puddle underneath you. You’re throbbing, all because of him, because of what you’ve done to him. 

“So fucking hot, fuck,” you breathe.

You give him no chance at all to recover, so overcome by your own needs. You shift your hips and trap his prick between your folds and his stomach. 

It’s slippery and perfect, and even the feeling of Joel’s cock growing softer as it presses against your clit turns you on. 

Almost as much as his noises, the nearly pained whimpers as you grind against his overstimulated dick, the way he shudders and squirms underneath you. Still, he encourages your thrusts with two sweaty and firm hands on your hips, and the way his fucked-out gaze is focused on you taking your pleasure from him. 

Riding the adrenaline high, it takes virtually no time at all for you to reach your peak. Your nails dig into the skin of his pecs and the back of his neck respectively, as you near the inevitable. Your nose finds where his shoulder and throat meet, biting, hiding your whimpers in his sweaty skin. The hiss he lets out and the accompanying jolt of his hips is more than enough to send you over the edge. 

Atta girl, that’s it, get what you need.

His voice sounds far away, gritted through his teeth, as you pant against him and ride out the last of your orgasm. 

The following silence is quite loud, just heavy breathing and the odd creak of the bed frame. 

Joel must feel when your lips fail to suppress a smile against his shoulder, because he responds with a huff almost instantly. 

“Real pleased with yourself, huh?” 

You giggle, nip at his heated skin with playful teeth. 

“I really am.”

He grunts, and you finally lift up to look him in the eyes. He creases his brow and shakes his head at you. But then that dimple you love so much rears its head as he bites back his smirk, and another giggle bubbles up out of your chest. 

“Sorry ‘bout that, Darlin’.”

He sounds quite remorseful, looking up at you with those puppy eyes, and you cradle his stubbly cheek in your palm. 

“Just gotta train you up, cowboy.”

[blithesharem]

How do the brothers react to you coming home from Nightbringer?

Lucifer: Stunned disbelief. Completely gobsmacked. He’d never stopped looking for ways to bring you home, but a part of him also believed he’d lost you all together. He’d grasp you by your shoulders almost painfully tight before his knees give out and a wretched sob leaves him.

Mammon: Nearly faints. He goes so pale you’re alarmed and reach to grab him if he wavers. The second he touches you though he’s weeping, babbling incoherently as he presses his face and body as close to you as possible. Like one of those dogs seeing their owners after a long time away who keeps squirming because they can’t get close enough.

Leviathan: Denial. Lots of ‘no no no this isn’t real you’re not here this is a trick’ until you get your arms around him. Then he goes silent, clutching at you while his whole body trembles. He’s almost scared to believe it’s over and you’re finally home. It takes many reassurances before he can settle in your arms.

Satan: Breathless, wind knocked out of him the second he sees you. Before you know it he’s grabbing at you, spinning you by your shoulders and tilting your jaw in an almost violent desperation to check every inch and make sure you’re okay and here. He doesn’t stop gasping for breath until he has the chance to hold you close for an hour at least.

Asmodeus: Bursts into tears immediately. Of all his brothers he’s been working the hardest to keep everyone together and patch up the cracks, so the second you’re home all the pain and worry and relief comes gushing out. You better kiss away every last drop too! He’d sniffle about being an ugly crier (he’s not) while pressing his face into your hands.

Beelzebub: He’s a bit scared to touch you at first, fingers trembling as his lip wavers and big wet tears begin to fall down his cheeks. He’d thought he’d lost you. He forgets his strength and squeezes you so tight you have to remind him you need to breathe. Don’t expect to be allowed to leave his sight for the next decade or so.

Belphegor: Shocked speechless at first, but as soon as it’s confirmed that you’re really home he goes cold and completely ignores you. Practically flees to the attic and slams the door and won’t let you in until you pick the lock with magic. You find him under the covers crying and swearing that he hates you, but as soon as you’re close enough to grab he’s clinging on for dear life.

[gemsgamegems]

the main menu theme is so pretty