#bro down with the warlock man

[lugibriousbrew]

Baldurs Gate Smash or Pass TIERS part 7

[malestransforming]

30 Days - Day 1

My husband is a Warlock, or a Genie, or some kind of magical being. To be honest, I didn’t marry him for that reason. I married him because he’s kind, honest and a good man. I wont lie though, it is kind of nice to have a magical being in the house. He gets the dishes done in no time at all! 

When we were dating, I begged him to use his magic on me, but he always said no. He said he wanted to love me for me. I thought that was really sweet, and so now our relationship is solid because we fell in love naturally. It didn’t stop me from continuing to ask him though, and so to celebrate our 1 year anniversary, he gave me a special gift. He gave me a 1 month magic pass! For the next 30 days, every day, I will wake up a completely new man. I will have a new body, new job, new personality, new clothes: new everything. 

Tomorrow is the first day. I can’t wait to see who I wake up as.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I reached over and turned off my alarm, reaching my arms up past my head to stretch. I realized that today was the first day! I bolted out of bed and dashed into the bathroom. In the mirror I was greeted with a sight.

I was tall, with smooth hazel-tanned skin completely free of body hair. I instinctively puckered my lips and stroked my chin, remarking how bouncy and soft my hair looked in the morning. I rubbed my hands across my bulbous chest and up and down my chiselled abs. That’s right - I looked fucking good in the morning. Chet Alvarez is my name.

There was some time to kill before my shift as a personal trainer at the Gold’s Gym, so I could have a relaxing morning. I reached down for my cock, feeling my cut member with my hand. I slapped my girthy dick against my thick thigh, enjoying the sound echoing around the bathroom. My cock chubbed in my hand, getting thicker and longer as it got erect. 

“Morning babe,” I heard behind me. I turned and saw my husband leaning in the bathroom doorframe. “How do you like the you today?”

“Fuck bro,” I said with a cocky smile. I flexed my arms for him. I knew he liked it.

We kissed, wrapping our arms around each other. And then he fucked hard me. Even guys who look like me like to get fucked sometimes. 

Before work I got my own workout in. Today was my back, and so I did sets of pull ups, deadlifts and rows. I worked up a decent sweat and finished with fifteen minutes on the treadmill. In the shower I fingered my hairless asshole, remembering the sensation of my husband from the morning. 

After work, I went home and ate dinner with my husband. He caressed my hairless thigh, and sucked my cock before bed. I closed my eyes, grinning about the day. I wonder who I’ll be tomorrow. 

Next day

[savnofilter]

Talk to Me | k. bakugo

           Fantasy AU!Katsuki Bakugo x [GN]Reader

WARNING(S): suggestive content, angst, lack of communication, abandonment issues if you squint, name calling, toxic dynamic (they're actually a fucking hot mess), making out, shifty hands, sex innuendos, established relationship.

COUNT: 3.4K words [10 mins.]

READ MORE: masterpost [students + bakugo masterlists]

A/N: bro a good bit of this was written in like 2019 n i had to come up with something. originally, this was requested by someone ion fw no mo but i wanted to finish it lol. 😭 i didnt want it to end up in smut (like it was requested) so now you have this like… angsty-vague thing! idk lol. this will be followed by a hc part two that is more ehhhhh mature. ALSO if youre relationship is like this, do not let it be, amen. 🙏🏽🙏🏽 thank for reading. 👵🏽

“Where the fuck is she, dunce face?!” Bakugo demanded, shaking the frightened dark-haired blonde who had his signature lighten bolt streak in it. The startled warlock tries to pry himself out of the explosive man's strong grip in irritation.

“I-I don’t know! She came around here like a week ago! How am I supposed to know?!” Kaminari exclaims, tears now beading in his eyes, whining desperately wanting to get away from his angry friend. Bakugo glares deeply into Kaminari’s eyes before letting him go, not passing up the opportunity to judge the space and ignores Kaminari rambling about his potions.

“There goes this week's rent portion…” He pouts cleaning up the bottles and trying to seperate them to put off to the side as he tries to fix the mess Bakugo made.

‘If you aren’t here now, then where the hell would you be?’ Bakugo huffs in thought as he leaves the small shop and looks around the area. The man’s anger quickly continued to scale up as he tried to think of something quick. As of now, he had recently been to every place you frequented, this shop being the last resort on his hunt for you. Suddenly he has an ingenious idea, the burst of thought sending him storming back into his friend’s store once again. Kaminari jumps as the door slams open and whimpers in protest pointing an angry finger at Bakugo.

“No get out! You already cause enough damage-”

“Does it look like I give a damn?! Use your stupid orb!” Bakugo growls, marching up to the frightened warlock with his fists balled.

“It’s not an orb, I've told you that!” A pout is seen on his lips, the warlock holding a stern look as a warning. He carefully scoops up the aforementioned tool and glares at Bakugo to protect it from his wrath. Kaminari scrambles in fear when Bakugo bucks at him, not wanting to provoke the haughty man any further. “Fine, fine! But it's not going to be free, nor will I let you smash my crystal ball.”

Bakugo mutters a few curses under his breath before digging into one of his pouches. It takes a few moments before he grabs a considerable amount and slams down a shit ton of money onto the merchant's counter. Kaminari purses his lips and hesitantly leans in to look at the lump sum, raising his brow a bit at how “little” the amount is. A few more curse words and snide remarks are set against him before he happily smiles at the new total.

“Who would you like to see, kind sir?” Kaminari beams.

“Whatever, that bitch who thought she could best me.”

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes and tries to visualize what's happening in the distant moment. His brows raise a bit as he sees the familiar scenery, opening his eyes and a few sparks run through him as he looks around almost as if he was in the moment himself.

“I wh… Um it looks like they’re-”

““They’re?” Who are they with-”

“Yeah! This is the place I found them, he could hook you up with--Bakugo?” Kirishima asks, pausing as he stares at the disastrous scene before him. His left brow quirks as he could already tell Kaminari was using his orb. He grins with a chuckle, crossing his arms. “Who are you stalking now-”

“That bitch!” Bakugo fumes, pupils turning into slits as they land upon you. You cross your arms and step back each time he stomps towards you until he has you cornered up against a wall. Kirishima is quick to pull him off, Bakugo shoving him off as he glares sharply at you. “I thought thieves aren't allowed in this part of town.” Bakugo growls without paying any attention to his friends, his boiling rage making you scoff out a laugh.

“Is that how you talk to people, fuck face?” You cross your arms and tilt your chin up at him.

Bakugo immediately goes in to lunge at you, the other men in the room moving to get between you two. “You know you took my fucking money, bitch!”

His exclamation seemingly offends the other two although it wasn't directed at them, a round of dramatic gasps sounding from them. The red haired dragon who brought you in presses his hand against Bakugo's chest to hold him back, while the warlock behind the raging barbarian takes his place in holding his arms back.

“Bakugo! What's gotten into you?!” Kirishima asks before giving you a questionable look that undeniably had a look of sympathy behind it as well.

“They took my money at the bar and never paid me back,” Bakugo bucks at you with each word, a smug grin breaking out into your lips as you suddenly remember what had happened prior to his drastic outburst. “30,000¥!”

“You make a ton of money, you've probably made it back already.” You roll your eyes in correspondence.

Recently, Bakugo has once again felt trifled by you. You and Katsuki had known each other for quite some time now, and have a long wrap sheet with each other. Truth be told, Katsuki sure as hell made up the money you had taken in no time—but that isn't the principle of what you had done. Most importantly that he let himself get played so easily, especially from you.

About two weeks ago, on the night the notorious barbarian had come back from one of his tours, he had only one thing on his mind: unwind. Of course doing that was hard with his status and all, especially from all the promoting he had been doing for months. If there was one thing he could complain about, it would be about how tedious touring is, but that's not what we're focusing on here.

We're focusing on the fact you swindled him out of his fucking money.

That night at the bar was a bittersweet one—Katsuki’s only plan was to get in and get out.

He didn't want to talk to anyone (ever) or fake entertaining conversations and all that bullshit. Hell, if it was possible he'd have to commission Kaminari to make a device of some sort to handle that shit for him in his non-communicative moods. Thankfully, when he was like this , the stingy aura that came from him usually shooed people away from him. Everyone but you.

One moment Katsuki was inhaling the sharp and tangy scent of whisky in his glass as he downed that bad boy in one gulp. When he placed his glass down and motioned for the bartender to fill another, a familiar scent that wasnt the alcoholic beverage overtook his senses. Soon enough, the pressure of someone's body was against his muscled arm and similar limbs wrapped around his forearm.

“Katsu,” You whispered in his ear, smiling deviously as he didn't even try to hide the shiver that you elicited from him. “I missed you, why didn't you tell me you were in town?” You pouted and took a seat next to him.

“I just got back, how the fuck am I supposed to tell you that, exactly?” He grumbled, taking another sip from his glass to ease his stress.

“You could've lettered me.” You take his glass and have a helping for yourself, a hiss following after as you finish your serving. “I don't know how you drink these things -”

“What do you want, Y/N?” He finally faces you and snatches the glass out your hand and slams it down on the surface for another helping. A sharp look pointed at the attendant makes them quickly go to make another glass for him.

“Come with me tonight, haven't seen you in forever.”

The suggestion easily made his cock stir. It didn't help that your newly placed hand now sat at the top of his thigh, mischievous hands softly squeezing around the area but not reaching the place he needed you most.

You always had such an easy effect on him, something he hated. Which is why you two were on some fucked up on and off relationship that had no real direction.

You two would care for each other like devoted lovers, but then the next moment you two were arguing like there was no tomorrow. You would have amazing sex, and then jealousy would ensue. Various moments on where you two would find solace in one other was always drowned out by the toxic compatibility you two had going on. Just two individuals who had a lot to give but no clue how to healthily do so.

Irredeemably so, he liked what he had with you. It was toxic for sure and everyone was sick of it except for the two of you. He wasn't even sure how it even developed into this. Unorthodoxly Katsuki was always willing to do anything for you, as you would for him. Except he has resources you didn't, especially money.

That night when he let you come over to his place without second thought is the night where the longest beef you guys had in your “relationship” started. Your original idea was to bring him back to your place but seeing how fucked up he was before you had even got to the bar made you almost feel sorry for him. You begrudgingly dealt with his slobbering and drunk self as you tended to him, periodically swatting away his shifty hands and sloppy kisses.

“Mmnnn thought you’re gonna suck it..?” Katsuki tugged at your waist and pulled you into his lap, his boner proudly pressing into your hip.

“I'm not fucking you in this condition, Katsuki.” You roll your eyes and lay him back down on his bed and somehow manage to untangle yourself from his grasp. When you stand up again you press his shoulders back and point your finger at him as if he were a disobedient child. “I'm being fucking serious! Go to bed or I'll tie you up.”

“You're not my fucking mom!” Katsuki looked you up and down with angered sass, crossing his arms and defiantly looking away with a huff.

“Good, cuz you certainly wouldn't be acting like this!”

“Don't talk shit about my mom!”

“You brought her up first you dumbass!”

With Bakugo’s stubborn nature, he ended up arguing with you until he passed out. All your other attempts beforehand were as domestic as they could be, but of course this is the way you could get him to fall asleep.

You took a few moments to watch him sleep peacefully, his face as beautiful as an angel. His eyebrows that always furrowed in tension were eased and relaxed, the small wrinkles in his forehead smoothing as he fell into slumber. His eyelashes were a luscious and gorgeous batch although being short. His mouth was slightly agape as he started to snore, his body now completely in slumber from his extenuating busy job. You carefully leaned over to close his mouth to avoid the snoring and place a chaste kiss to his forehead before pulling back. It really was lost on you why you two couldn't just function normally but that was something to figure out on another time.

You quietly but hastily put together the things that could help him for when he wakes up in the morning, even cooking him up something that could be reheated without losing its quality. You carefully set everything up on his nightstand and left a little note for him to read when he wakes up. Getting ready to leave, you realize something sticking out of the pocket he was once wearing that night. You glance at him one last time before tip toeing your way to his pants pocket and light upon your discovery.

30,000¥

The way your pupils dilated in circumference gave you expert vision in being able to examine the money, and wasted no time whatsoever counting the dollars over. Shamelessly, you made your decision fast. In record timing you were stuffing the wad of cash into your shirt and happily trotting out of his place into the young night.

The two males who devotedly choose to stay neutral in the matter moved a little, their wary expression now falling on you for your rebuttal.

You look away with a bit of shame, pouting as you do so. “I needed it for something.”

“So you wait till I'm sleeping?! What'd you even use it for!”

“That's none of your business!”

“Hell yes it is, it's my fucking money!”

Kaminari swears under his breath and pinches the bridge of his nose as you two start your yelling match, looking over at the other unlucky bystander that so happened to be there. Kirishima deeply sighs and nods as he steps back from them, his friend doing the same.

“You know what? Why don't you two go settle this in the backroom,” Kaminari yells over you both and waves an arm between you two to gather your attention. He gives a forced smile and dramatically swings his arms to motion your attention towards the hall of the shop. “I'd rather you two be a nuisance where my products and eardrums aren't in jeopardy.” Although his words are framed as a suggestion, it's imposed as a command; he respectively grabs both of you and tugs you to his ‘meditation room' (he uses it for when he sleeps on the clock) and shoves you two in there.

A pregnant silence follows you two when your fate in the enclosed place is sealed by the sound of his friend’s footsteps walking away. There's no doubt you two are locked in here, Kaminari has done that several times as you guys more than often ended up having bickering sessions in his shop. You hesitantly look up at him as you two are a few meters away from each other. You, closer to the bed as he was close to the door. When your eyes meet with his, Bakugo charges at you with conviction.

With quick steps he's right in front of you and gripping your jaw in one hand, red eyes burning into yours. Without any prior notice he leans in to press a kiss to your lips with force, his plump lips softening the blow. You groan against his mouth and immediately wrap your arms around his neck, both of you in a fight for a dominance that neither of you want to give up. Angrily fighting against each other for different reasons.

His hands greedily grip at your hips and forces you to sit down on the bed, his handling breaking the rough kiss. Heated contact between you two doesn't halt yet, but neither of you move to remove any clothes, just simply trying to get close to one another. You chase his lips as he takes pride in starving you of the pressure of his lips, his actions prompting you to grab the back of his neck and cement him on you again.

As of now his body is completely pressed against yours as you two occupy the bed, tensions rising in the warm room. This time when pulls away for air you don't protest, allowing yourself to catch up with him.

“Tell me why you're angry, hm?” Bakugo asks in a low voice, lips brushing against yours tauntingly. His hands although so used to gripping your hips so roughly held your body so tenderly, his gaze stuck on your lips and his body pressed against yours. Your silence does bring a concern to his thoughts, eye flickering up to meet yours.

Your bottom lip quivers as you can’t find yourself to speak like how you usually do, not even a toxic or sassy remark to mask how overwhelmed you felt. There's only a short moment where you wordlessly try to come up with something, maybe some pathetic excuse to mask your worries but nothing comes up. Instead, you breakdown in a sob, heart clenching in humiliation as you ca longer hide your anxiety behind toxicity and anger. Bakugo coos at your burst in emotions, enveloping you in a hug as he knew better than to press for more information. Against your will, your body succumbs to his familiar heat, face nuzzled into the comfort of his neck.

“I really would've appreciated it if you were here with me when I had my diagnosis, Katsuki.” You start off not wanting to continue, already knowing that he wouldn't like what you wanted to tell him. “I know you told me not to go alone, but… months? You didn't even tell me when you were going to be back.”

You feel your lover’s body tense up as he pulls away, his face stern as he tilts his head to meet your eyes. “You know I told you not to go alone—”

“I know but I couldn't wait anymore. It was killing me,” You solemnly look up at him for comfort.

His eyes soften immediately as you look at him and he pulls you in for a chaste kiss on your forehead, letting you rest against him as he settles for holding you tight. Bakugo wasn't good at these things, saying stuff that could make you feel better. But one thing was for sure, he liked holding you and he knew that's something you needed right now. After a few moments of collecting his thoughts he speaks to you.

“I just don't want you going through this by yourself. I'm not mad at you, okay?” Bakugo reassured you softly, large and warm hand rubbing your back as you completely leaned on him. “I know we go through some shit but I know it was selfish of me to leave so soon.” You merely nod, giving him a squeeze as you can't find any words to formulate. “I guess I was also scared to find out, but I should've been here with you instead…” Katsuki takes a few moments to gather himself, nervously biting his lip as he mutters against your hair, “I’m sorry.”

A silence falls between you two, a comfortable one albeit the circumstances and atmosphere. There were many things that needed to be talked about but a silent mutual agreement settled between you two as you calmed your chaotic energies. You couldn't even remember the last time you and Bakugo did this—just basking in each other without the verbal fights between you two. You both had to admit that it was a weird but welcoming experience. Bakugo shifts as he attempts to readjust himself, clearing his throat as he does so.

“When's the next appointment?” Bakugo breaks the silence.

“Um,” You pull yourself up from his embrace, rubbing your eyes as you gather yourself up. “Tomorrow at three o’clock.”

Bakugo seems to think for a moment as he glances at the clock on the wall, eyes later searching for a calendar. He definitely had some stuff to do tomorrow but he was willing to clear some space for you.

“... Do you want me to come?” Your boyfriend looks down at you, features softer than ever. His expression was similar to his sleeping one, his calm and delicate features being highlighted. Your pupils dilate upon being asked and you quickly nod your head, not being able to hide the flustered smile sprouting into your lips.

“O-Of course!” You hold his hand. The blonde haired male looks away flustered at how endearing you look, rolling his eyes as he hesitantly lets you hold his hand affectionately.

“Oi, quit acting like that.”

“Like what?! Don't ruin the moment!”

“Acting all soft n’ shit, it's weird!”

“Don't fricken start with me, Mr. “I Don't Want You to Go Through This Alone!””

On the other side of the door, two nosy friends have their ears pressed against the door, a questionable glance being met as they slowly retreat from the door. Kaminari does a motion with his hand to silently unlock the door, a small sigh coming from Kirishima as he crosses his arms.

“You think they're good?” He whispers, not risking being heard from the couple in the room.

Kaminari snorts and leads the way back to his shop with a shrug, “They'll be just fine.”

    all rights reserved © do NOT steal, alter or copy this work.

[paracosmicparadox]

FFXV headcanons / expanded canons Part The Second, because again, I desire character depth like I need it to breathe and if storebought isn't available, I will make it myself with my own two hands. Find Part The First here.

Ardyn: Listens to music solely in the cabaret genre or heavy metal; you can't change my mind on this (like you're flipping through his playlist and one moment its playing Kabaret Sybarit, then it switches violently and without warning to System of a Down and just about breaks your eardrums)

His closet rivals his living room in terms of size and depth (it's concerning; people get lost in there amongst his innumerable trench coats and ruffled shirts)

No coffee, no tea, only wine. Ravus and Verstael have to listen to his drunken rambling every other night and it is ghastly

Gossips like no other

He's a hoarder. You walk into his home and there are trinkets and baubles on every surface---it's gotten quite extreme

Has breakdowns in the shower

Has journals full of half-finished poetry lying about everywhere (he references the story of Julius Caesar and Marcus Brutus a lot because of the parallels to him and Somnus, and bc at this point he doesn't really care if he digs himself deeper into that rut of grief and anger)

Can't keep a plant alive to save his life; not even a cactus

He was a theater kid once upon a time

Luna: Actually legit super athletic. You can't really see it bc her muscles don't bulge, but she can and will judo flip a man effortlessly

Has the smallest handwriting you've ever seen

She's got mad art skills; there's a work-in-progress painting or pastel piece on her desk constantly

Certified history buff. This chick can recall the most obscure bits and details of Eos's past and will infodump to you if you're willing to listen

Actually works really hard to be a good person---it doesn't come naturally to her; she's no saint and she has to make a conscious effort to be as gentle as she is on a daily basis, and that in itself makes her an excellent human being

Names each and every one of her plants

Loves bugs and takes a thrill in the fact that they kinda gross Noct out

Has the "Hydrate or Dydrate" water bottle bc she forgets and needs to remind herself to imbibe H2O

Her Pinterest account is the stuff of legends

Ravus: He's so awkward in social situations---really, he's just awkward in general, but it's most obvious when someone's trying to talk to him and he's glaring daggers straight into their soul

Before his mother died, he was the kindest child. He was the sweetheart of the family and would make flower crowns with toddler Luna and make breakfast in the mornings for his family. When he withdrew, it pained those who knew him immensely

The Super Smash Bros grandmaster (he's horrible at Mario Kart though, which frustrates him to no end)

Already has some arthritic problems in his knuckles and in his knees. He always had bad joints, but it's getting worse with the years

A pro at calligraphy and fancy lettering

His art skills are just as good if not better than Luna's. He only works in graphite and charcoal, but his drawings are the most heartwrenchingly beautiful things you've ever seen

Can regularly be found in a museum or in a library

Plays D&D on the weekends when he can with an online party (the campaign's been going on for nearly 2 years; he plays a level 8 Drow Warlock)

Aranea: Owns a motorcycle---you can't change my mind.

Mixes grenadine with everything. Champagne? She's adding grenadine. Wine? Grenadine time baby. Tequila? Gimme that sweet pomegranate syrup.

AO3 angst fics are her guilty pleasure

Probably has a pilot's license (in all honesty if it was an irl setting instead of Final Fantasy, she probably would've been in the Airforce)

Wears cologne instead of perfume because it makes her seem more roguish and she likes the scent better

She's always wanted a pet snake (one of those white pythons curious faces and boopable snoots)

Raging bisexual

Knows her way on an aerial silk like nobody's business

Major vulnerability issues (she cares so, SO deeply, but no one can EVER. KNOW. except Prompto. Prompto knows.)

Best buds with Prompto ever since the events in Niflheim at the Magitek Production Facility (they facetime each other every Wednesday)

She's a sucker for a good horror flick

[crittrs-ocs]

*Throws him at y’all and runs*

He’s an old Oc of mine named Ash, originally was an elven prince, eldest and next in line for the throne… long story short dad decided little bro was a better fit so my man did the only reasonable thing, make a pact with a fire elemental to burn down the whole fucking kingdom! Now he wanders the castle ruins, body made completely from ash, cursed to rule over his kingdom for eternity

This is him as a tiefling warlock, pact of the fiend with a noble background. Self serving charismatic snarky bitch, I love him.

[theradicalkanji]

Problem Paladin Update

Some of you guys may be familiar with this dude already, but for those who aren't here's a recap. Friend started to DM his first campaign. He got a few friends to play with him. One of the characters I call Problem Paladin because he joined as an Oath of Conquest paladin.

Other party members are life cleric (me), artillerist artificer, Hexblade warlock.

Problem Paladin refused to join the campaign for the first few months. Like, he would sit in on sessions, but no matter what my friend tried to get him to introduce his character, he would refuse to do so saying he wanted it to be a critical moment. Well, PP finally introduces his character during a boss fight... in which PP spends the entire fight sitting back and watching the rest of the party fight because he won't lend his strength to weaklings.

Once he joins the party, it's not much better. He never joins in combat and during non combat scenes, PP is constantly attacking and trying to kill NPCs. Like, people to progress sideplots and major characters for other players' plotlines, if these characters approach the party PP tries to kill them for being "Weak." So for weeks, no one else could progress their story and everyone had to follow PP's objectives. Everytime he is called out on this he's like. "don't blame me. It's just what my character would do!"

This led to us speed running much of the campaign and gunning straight for a major general in the BBEG's army. Even as we were approaching this fight, the DM was like "Yeah. You're not supposed to be here yet. This guy is way over your level. This will pretty much just be a cinematic so we can get back on track."

General does a major show of force. We are expected to back down at this point. PP is like "now THIS is true strength!" and immediately tries to murder the artificer. Artificer and Hexblade immediately retaliate so hard that they melt PP in one turn, and the DM has to step in and do a Deus Ex where the BBEG intervenes to rescue PP.

Well, PP is now (ostensibly?) an NPC in the BBEG army, and the game had to go on hiatus for a month after this. Artificer left the campaign, and PP had to roll a new character. When we reconvene, PP introduces his new character as a mild mannered ranger who is just there to see that the job gets done.

Immediately upon the ranger joining the party, we once again can not proceed with any plot line other than the ranger's. Any attempt to interact with an NPC is met with "THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR! I'M NOT GETTING PAID FOR THIS! PAY ME FIRST OR FUCK OFF!"

Hey bro?

Hey guy?

Hey man?

I think you might just be an asshole.

[mell0bee]

CR asks: 1 & 17 if you're feeling spicy; if you're not, 9, 14, 25, 39 (feel free to pick & choose)

i took so long to do this because i had all the questions answered and then tumblr crashed and deleted it all :( but here we go (also thank u for the ask!!!)

9- Location in Exandria you'd like to see in a possibly canonical one-shot/EXU but with non-main campaign characters (as in Song of the Lorelei/The Darrington Brigade)

vasselheim!!! i doubt it will be a major location again for a full campaign because it was featured so heavily in c1 but an exu type deal could be so cool!!! i thought that vasselheim was SO underutilized in c1. when i was first watching it i was Big Sad that the no arcane magic thing was played for laughs, you could easily center a whole campaign around that idea. i wanted to see more of it during c1 and obvs after exu calamity i want to see more of it Even More. theres just so much to learn about it after the context of exu calamity. like i want inside information about the political system. i want to explore how decisions get made there. and like bro do u want a story about Hubris??? oh yeah??? you like critical role so are you perhaps a Hubris Enjoyer??? perhaps of the Magic User Variety?? imagine a wizard or a warlock trying to hide their magic in vasselheim. it basically writes itself. imagine a high-ranking cleric as a pc. or a noble. based on what's happening in c3 do you think they have like. an Old Secrets Protection Board? and perhaps some Scholar Spies trying to break in? idk man there's so much you can do there and i would like to See It Please Thank You

14-Describe the art you would most like to create or commission if talent/money were no object.

i have like 7 animatics in my head that i am not talented enough to make but honestly. this whole jester-focused animatic set to folding chair by regina spektor. it’s really good in my head i swear. also a post c1 animatic set to dodie's cover of blackbird which has been in my head since i finished c1 god i have actual brainworms

25-What class do you most want to see Matt play if he is in a future EXU campaign as a new (not Dariax) PC?

artificer. primarily bc as much as i love him, matt’s pcs tend not to be my kind of character. at least in cr oneshots he’s got a thing for the Generic Edgy Protagonist Boy type which i’m sorry buddy but like. no thanks. and based on artificer/engineer type npcs he’s played i doubt he will go for that archetype as a pc. matt loves some Insane Scientists and so do i, easy S tier character trope, so whether he plays it straight or goes for the more unhinged type like most of his npcs im down 100%. also i had a whole rant here abt how much i love dariax and i hope that matt continues to step out of his comfort zone for pcs because for me personally i think it works really well!!

39- favorite parental figure NPC?

I HAD A WHOLE RANT HERE ABT HOW MUCH I LOVE MARION LIKE I THINK I WROTE LIKE 300 WORDS. the gist of it was how i love that she is very much an imperfect parent which we can see in jester now, but she’s still a good parent!! she’s still trying!!! she’s got her own trauma but she’s trying!!! idk that is v important to me. also i love how she is a sex worker and is not shamed for it at all. and that she has agoraphobia (sp?) and its treated as like!!! fine and not irrational at all!!! idk man idk how matt and laura did such a good job with such a respectful and grounded portrayal of a character like marion but they DID also parent trap ftw

spicy answers under cut, just keep scrolling if u dont want to see my mildly lukewarm takes. thank u.

1- Character you don't particularly like, but will defend vehemently when people dislike them for the wrong reasons.

(also this is the only answer that saved lmao)

sadly i cannot think of any other characters so i have to talk about Mr. Warcrimes McTreason. i like canon essek okay though i do think he is Overhyped, but fanon essek is so annoying lmao which makes me not particularly like him. on the other hand i think people not liking him bc they don’t think he deserved redemption are Wrong. as a redemption arc it was like. Fine. not everyone can pull a zuko and like. whatever. and idk i think that redeemed heroes should be a little morally dubious. as a treat. i guess in a way i am glad that aeor arc essek doesn't get to actually be morally gray bc the fandom would be insufferable but Hot Take i am a Gray Morality Enjoyer i think that More protags should be war criminals actually.

17- You know that post that's like "I wish you could filter in ao3 on 'attitude towards a canon event'?" In the world of imagination, you can! What's the event or attitude?

*gestures vaugely at kingsley* to be completely honest i was pretty sad for a few moments there that they succeeded in rezzing molly, was tentative when whatever the end of 140 was, and i’m so happy kingsley is a thing. i think that people who wanted molly back have Missed The Point Entirely. molly needed to stay dead and talesin knew that (thank you talesin) (also not to mention fanon molly, who is infinitely worse than fanon essek. god can you imagine that. again thank you talesin.)

[bigwraith]

My Saturday DnD group have been put through a lot of shit these past few sessions. We have finally hit a resting point and things are about to boil over.

A big thing is one party member (Vampire) drank (without knowing) another party member’s (me) family member. We revive her, and move into a fight against vampire cultists that is nearly a TPK (two dead, a third dying, and I’m BOOKING it down the hall to get help).

Tensions are high.

Fight ends, we manage to revive everyone. Yippee hooray.

Vampire, who is a warlock, goes into another room and renounces his patron (evil vampire). Great. Nobody else knows. Session ends with him having his powers stripped and him swearing an oath to kill vampires (totally not Blade) (He’s going vengeance paladin and it’s going to be so cool I actually can’t wait.)

So now we have 1 partymember (me, lycan bloodhunter) who is absolutely furious that partymember 2 (Vampire, warlock) *drank* her cousin. This hasn’t resolved yet because we moved into the cultist fight (legitimately as a distraction so we could finish the dungeon before we argue)

Bro must have forgotten that my character is pissed, because his helpless ass is powerless for probably half of next session and I get a message from him today quote:

“I'm gonna need you to protect the shit outta me”

he currently has no class. No powers. This is such a unique opportunity that I have to beat the absolute shit out of him. Level 13 bloodhunter. He physically can’t get away with brand of tethering active.

i’m a little worried that I might end up killing him if the other partymembers don’t intervene. We’re all together in the dungeon room. Everyone is here. Yet, there is still a chance, after everything that has happened, they might not intervene.

Wizard, Wizard, Druid, Dex Ranger

Strength Bloodhunter. I don’t think anyone else has over a 13 in STR.

He’s on pretty thin ice. Has stated he would only kill “criminals”, but now has killed four innocent victims he claims were “mercy kills” without even trying to ask for help. The party knows this, but it was not the time for conflict between us, in the heart of a Vampire Cult Dungeon, and waste resources.

But, it does all come down to how he handles the situation after our rest. He has the chance to say the correct things in the correct tone and we go along on our merry way. I just know he isn’t going to, and man am i hyped for it.

[wetbloodworm]

doing a merripen run in bg3 so some notes on that. not spoiler-free!!

technically i started a run and lost it to patch/mod fuckery so i had to start over but i'm not too mad about that. i used a masc body and voice for him in the first run before realizing i don't have to do that just because he's a man. body 1 and one of the fem voices fit him better. he doesn't have to look or sound any particular way to unequivocally be a man. this is so freeing and when i remade him i was like YES this is IT that's MY BOY!! and ty larian for just letting me select his gender separately from these factors, unlike some games [makes direct eye contact with cp77]

went with great old one for his pact bc fathomless isn't an option. there's one on nexus but from what i can tell it doesn't utilize any dialogue tags, so great old one is good enough. they've both got tentacles it's fine

i'm gonna do something fun with this, which is decide when beul would be likely to try to take over and then use their lvl 10 character sheets to do a wisdom contest to see who wins. if beul wins, i'm playing it either until it would decide to pull back or at the start of the next long rest. this could have... consequences, considering beul is deeply homicidal. it's most likely to take over if it feels like the body is in danger and merri isn't handling the situation to its satisfaction, or if there’s an opportunity to gain power, or if there's an irresistible opportunity to kill people that merri isn't acting on. also if there's water nearby that it wants to jump into. the two can negotiate sometimes so it won't be EVERY time, but the two also don't get along great and beul can be spiteful. so we'll see how it goes.

merri really won't care about the tiefling/druid situation, like he gets feeling anxious about outsiders considering his upbringing but he also thinks the druids are being dicks. but it's also so not his problem. please just tell me where your healer is my brain is getting so crowded. since he's there he'll relay some info back and forth but he's not interested until zevlor implies someone should get rid of kagha. merri like well hang on now, THIS i can help with, if you can pay. i just have to figure out if merri would do his research first to minimize damage or if he's gonna just go after her immediately. might uh. might wait to level up some first if i'm turning the whole grove against me. because merri was not trained to minimize damage.

during the first run i was really not expecting him to go for laezel, but it turns out he really likes how direct and intense she is! when you agree to hook up she says something like 'i will come to your tent tonight and take you' and merri was just like

during her sex scene she also directs you and if you follow you're referred to as a lapdog and, yeah. yeah. merri's into being bossed around apparently.

i made a joke later on about him worrying about taking credit for something laezel did and wondering if she'd beat him up over it, but also is that actually a deterrent for him

i don't know if he'll do the full romance but we'll see

he does let astarion bite him though he makes him stop quick, and there's a war in his head because beul HATES this while merri is just yelling WE NEED HIM WE NEED HIM THERE'S A WORM IN MY BRAIN WE NEED OUR ALLIES DO NOT STAKE OUR ALLY!!!

merri is interested in power but not as much as beul. for instance, he would be on the fence about letting the hag take mayrina but beul might try to shove forward and agree to the deal. merri has NO interest in becoming the absolute but beul is super down for it. stuff like that. it'll be fun to see who wins out.

i just want wyll and merri to have warlock chats. oh your patron fucking sucks and took advantage of you in a dire situation? bro same. like the magic's great, but oof! the cost!

that's all i got for now except for this: a boy

tattoos are the closest i'm getting lmao. he should be bluer tbh i'll tweak that

[antisocial-talent-manager]

To: my baby brother Hagen, i got you these two jewelry items because i know you sometimes switch to either or depending on the day and i had dad charm both of them for protection too. These things symbolize my love for you and the bond we have even before I found out that you were my younger brother. You have seen me at my best and you’ve been there for me at my worse and I can’t thank you enough for your love and support even if you don’t show your emotions most of the time. I’ll always have your back and you can always count on me bro. Thank you for accepting me as a brother, I will forever be grateful for that.

Now onto the good shit you fucking nerd. I got you the ORIGINAL Thor hammer from the avenger movies as well as a notebook and a set of Rare Avenger: infinity saga playing cards. I also got you an Original Lightsaber from Star Wars AND your very own R2-D2 along with C-3PO. I love you so much man I hope you enjoy.

Love, your oldest Hyung, Gio

Hagen looks down at the note attached to his gift and delicate runs his fingers over the watch and the bracelet. He sniffles, alerting Dae who was cuddled up to him. "Hyung really chose the right time to be sentimental. If he wanted me to cry, might as well be the best hyung when I'm pregnant." He snorts as he wipes his eyes. "Help me put them on?" He says and Dae giggles before helping Hagen put the watch on his left wrist and bracelet on the right as a couple more tears rolled down his cheeks. A knock on the door made Hagen groan but he manages to push himself up off the couch. A delivery man hands him a letter as he starts bringing in several items. Hagen's eyes widened when he saw just what the man was bringing in as he read the note. He picks up his phone and calls Gio, full on sobbing at this point. "Hyungggg if you were trying to make me cry it worked. Your gifts, they are like some of the best gifts I've ever gotten. Thank you, hyung. I love you." He sobs as he checks out everything the elder Fae/Warlock sent him.

[titanicfreija]

What the Fuck, Bro

"Rex."

The Ghost on his shelf amongst his fellows stopped mid-sentence to rotate, then peer over the side of the shelf to see his Guardian's roommate standing on the floor beneath them, gazing up with piercing silver eyes.

"Do you want to make a scene here or can we go for a walk and talk?" she asked. The tone hovered between impatient and kindly, a note she'd definitely gotten from Sunny.

Rex flared his pillars for a moment, then pulled them in close.

"I think maybe it'll help," whispered another Ghost on the shelf. Rex couldn't pick out which one said it, so he couldn't properly target his rebuttal, but he still shot a sharp glance at the group.

Freija held her hands out palm up. "Come on, man, I like Thomas too much to fuck with you, and you have problems. Maybe I can help bridge, maybe I'll hate Thomas with you, I dunno, man, but come on."

The Awoken woman stood beneath the shelf with her head dropped fully back, watching the lights on the ceiling dance as their creators shuffled nervously.

"And why should I talk to you, infant?" he finally grumped. "What could you possibly teach me?"

The Guardian cocked her head to a side, then shrugged. "You have to know what's wrong to help. That's why I wanted to talk. I thought it was his Warlock issues, he said it was the Tower library that got you guys off the path, but then he was finally being a Warlock, in the field, both things you want him to do, and you were still a dick about it. So I figure something else is wrong. Or maybe you're just permanently mad at him or something, but I can't help if I don't know what's wrong. Come for a walk. Sunny's hovering with This One and Harmony, tonight, no spies, I'll even take comms off."

Rex's pillars slowed in their rotation and the other Ghosts on the shelf watched silently, each hardly daring to exchange glances.

Finally, the pillars flew out and in as they rapidly revolved, and he dematerialized.

Freija growled under her breath and stomped to the door. "I tried," she muttered, continuing down the street and fiddling with the external commlink. Civvies made comms such a pain...

She was certain she was on to something. Of course, that something would have Rex not wanting to be there anymore, and if he didn't want to talk, he definitely didn't want anyone figuring out that he was just fucked up and crazy like everyone else.

"Inside the city, out of the Tower."

The voice in Freija's ear startled her so badly that she reached for the gun on her belt and spun in place to look for the threat, taking a bracing breath and getting her feet set before the familiarity with Rex's voice kicked in.

"Thomas would never respond like that to a startle reflex," Rex mourned. "I'm not far off. That nest in your mark is admittedly welcoming, but my shell has nowhere to go."

Slowly, she released her breath and relaxed, working to smooth out her posture and put the hairs on the back of her neck down. "I like those pillar things," she said, trying to help with the small talk, recognizing his efforts there. "Makes you look half naked, though."

Rex chortled where she could hear it, which she took to be a sign of acceptance, and she headed to the elevators. She couldn't sense him, but she kept feeling watched. "Sunny's swapped back to her Dawning Lotus. We're both over my Prophecy run, and we still have it, but she just likes the sparkles too much. Yours came from the Throne World? The Fundament pillars from all three siblings look like that. Thomas said you like them because they're tall?"

Rex apparently didn't like that they exchanged so much information about him without his permission-- his voice definitely went flat when he replied. "In the same vein of preference as yours does for her shells, I have mine."

"Well yeah, that's what I'm asking about. Sunny called you blue, which I've never seen you wear. Thomas said you like tall shells."

The silence on the other end made Freija worry that the small talk scared him off or bored him, but she didn't know what to do besides wait.

Eventually, the low, short blips of his modulator came through. "Are the pillars not blue?"

She almost laughed. "That color definitely has a green tone to it, takes it into dark aqua or teal, to me. No good blue shaders? Metro Shift dye you funny? I know Sunny doesn't like the ones that shade her core wrong."

"Unfortunately. How did you decide on the name Sunny? I've got a bet going with Pie."

"I was sucking up when she was mad at me for using Stasis. I called her my sunbeam and she took Sunny from that."

Silence again, but Freija knew it was because he lost the bet. "What did you think it was?"

"Her bouncing motions and her preference for things that glow," he grumped. "I suspected that you rhymed Bunny and Sunny. She never told us where she got it. Pie speculated that it was her personality, which, ultimately, is closer than my guess."

"I know you think I'm stupid, but I do metaphors okay," Freija grumped.

"You are stupid."

"You're the only person I ever want to argue with when you say it, you know that? You just always sound aggressive as fuck, like you're mad at me for being stupid."

"You should try being less stupid, then."

Rex apparently didn't expect the laugh, and he sputtered, "What's funny?"

"The idea that you'd come off nicer if I was smart and patient and willing to learn. I know a real smart, patient guy who would love to work with you and you treat him worse than you treat me."

Rex's voice whirred with seething anger when he growled over the comm. "He's stupid, too."

Freija looked for him just so she could give him the brow. She gave the brow to nothing when she couldn't find him. "You know full well that's not true at all. He's not a literal computer like you, but he's smart."

Rex didn't answer. She wasn't sure why.

[the-firebird69]

Watch "He gave it his all 😂😂 #shorts (via hardhitterzuk/TT)" on YouTube

This is me and I'm hitting pretty hard and it is my salt And format too sultan format and usually it works very well. Lately not so good. It is a high score but I've seen our friend hit it harder and BG too. But he's not been the highest score when he was doing it but he knows he could do it more and we want to see him grow up he's a little baby and there's no air here you keep walking it

Jason

We have oxygen levels of about 22 and last night they were 24 but he got more air and it helps but it made him kind of sore tonight we're going to expect maybe 25 here less ships they're out looking at things and they're not going to be walking back because of what they're doing and all of them I'm going to be fought by the empire.

Couple things have happened in the past hour

-it's a huge crowd gathering at the outside of Charlotte county it's like two trillion people and behind them are 5 trillion behind them 30 trillion and it is probably 3% of Florida's population and the moloch Mac are 5% I'm trying to break in and it's mostly them with any realize the leaders are here it's a nightmare here okay Max trying to bring their troops and these idiots go at them and they kill each other and come back it's disgusting I wish they do they say. And there is a huge huge contingent it's on the way down from Georgia and it is minority moloch and they're coming down to take over from the morlock and they're going to infill because they left it's going to start a small War and the warlock will fall and the colons will be weakened. The minority morlock are not included in the 2%. What talking about Mack warlock and there weren't enough of them here to include them and they're not part of the remaining 7% it's a different number it's about 5%. What's going on now if they're coming here and the morlock are getting ready to mount the attack on the big ships and stuff again no they're gearing up for more stripes on the empire. The moloka committing 2000 trillion more and that's a percentage or less and almost one 3,000 trillion. And the clones are contributing 2001 right now at 10,000 trillion and it will bring it up to 14,000 trillion those are huge numbers and the empire is astonished and they're hitting like madness... Tommy f is rolling his fleet in the empire is going mad and are fighting them and like madness they are trying to defend and strike and it is harsh they are not out under a man it's just that they have a lot of targets below and above and it's going on now it's a huge Force huge that's attacking the empire it's never been seen before in history and our son and daughter said it first they said this is never happened to the empire this is a precedent that this portion of population is large percentage of the general population would attack and he's so brazen too it's never been this large percent it's probably 5% at the same time and they're astounded there's just a massive number of hardware in manpower and they're going to have to their ships running from all over the place and they're pulling chips out and they're pushing for it okay and they're going like mad Men is a huge battle it's getting bigger and bigger every minute and it is not going to slow down.

We have more to announcement we're going to get this out

Thor Freya

Olympus this is huge it's a giant development and people need to see it now

We publish now Hera

[zaceouiswriting]

Pretty boy with ocean blue eyes

Character: Matt Donovan x male reader

Universe: Vampire Dairies

Warnings: Sadness

A whiff of moderate food and alcohol, the latter thankfully stronger than the first, flew directly into your nose, as you opened the restaurant or bar or whatever it was doors.

The fly hanging around your neck just hours earlier long forgotten in your car. Your white button up shirt slightly open at the top. The only thing looking normal was the jacket laying on your shoulders. In the sleeves your family insignias, your grandfather had given you. Believing, that your father would just sell them. One of the last bits of old royalty broken down, after the second world war.

Not even a moment later, after you sat yourself down at the bar, a young blond guy, with ocean blue eyes stood in front of you. A sympathetic smile on his face. „What can I get you?“, he asked calmly but with a bit of carefulness in it. Obviously sensing that something wasn’t right.

„A bourbon with two pieces of ice, please.“ You could bring out before zooming out again. Not knowing where you were, only that your car broke down not far away.

Half a minute later the same guy setting the glass in front of you, „Don’t you think, it is still a bit early for a drink?“ His question was valid. Even responsible. But after what you just got trough you really needed it.

„Somewhere it time for a drink and I use this, pretty boy.“ You smiled smugly at him, as his cheeks began to burn. He tried to say something, but for a while his mouth only opened and closed itself again, „Im not… Im straight.“ Finally the one word you hated the most.

„I don’t care,“ you simply stated the fact. Even with the pretty guys taking it back at your words, „You can tell me to stop giving you compliments, pretty boy. Only then I will stop. Until then I make you flustered enough until you can’t speak and maybe even go to your place or a hotel? After my day, I could use someone fucking my brain out.“

All of this was obviously enough for the guy and he vanished in the back. With an extremely red face, ears and even neck, from embarrassment.

Despite wanting to just take your drink in one sip, you decided to be at least a bit responsible and don’t do it. Sitting there, looking deep into your glass, letting the world loose itself around you.

„What got you in such a mood, bro?“, someone from your side, asked you out of the sudden.

A slick obviously full of himself guy, sat besides you. Black hair and blue dreamy eyes. Not as deep as the one of your pretty boy but good enough. Just out of the corner of your eyes, you could see mentioned pretty boy at the other end of the bar, listening in your conversation, the stranger started with you. „I was at a funeral, in my hometown… where am I here?“

The stranger chuckled slightly, „Mystic Hills.“

„Oh shit, a six hour drive from here. My little brother dies unexpectedly, shortly after his fifteens birthday. And the funeral went downhill very fast, after I heard what my parents did to him. So yeah, if I would’ve stayed there, I would most likely sit in prison by now.“ It was just a little part of what had happened. But you hoped it was enough, to end the curiosity.

You were a stranger in a small town, you understood. But still this was really not the time for that.

„Oh fuck, I'm sorry dude. Do you need something?“, the same stranger asked you. Your teeth grinding on each other at this point. „I would appreciate, if you could let me alone… vampire. One of your kind kill my little brother. I never wanted to get into the family side business, but as it seems, I have no other choice by now.“ At this moment, you showed the man the ring on your hand. Which had three little stones, the red one was shinning up, when you got your hand near him.

„It is not just to detected supernatural beings, but also protects me from dying and even get attacked by it. A big assemble of witches, warlocks and other magical beings, forged them. My family once had one-hundred and twelve of them. Now this is the last one.“

You never saw someone crawl away from you this fast. A happy, content smile formed on your face, for a second, until you felt it yourself. Immediately feeling guilty, to smile, just hours after finally getting your brother under the earth.

„What did you parents do to him?“, the same bartender finally asked you. His voice so full of care. It was almost painful for yourself.

A dark chuckle rolled from your lips, „It weren’t really their fault. But the high expectations I set for him. You know, I finished school with fifteen and had my university master degree with nineteen. I earn more money, than the rest of my family combined, since we lost everything in world war two. And well Luke, was not that lucky. He was smart, but not good at school. He had a social life, friends and even his first girlfriend. While I had nothing of this, until I finished up university.“

Your heart began to beat quickly, feeling the guild again in your heart. The pain of loosing this little nugget, will haunt you forever. The best thing you had. Spoiling him rotten, since you can do it, which let your parents resent him even more.

„My dad kicked him out, the day he died. He knew that wild vampires wandered trough my hometown. But he did not care. Even relieved after the fact. Gloating to everyone who would hear him out, how easily it would now be, without his useless body occupying anything. So I punched him so hard, that I could hear his nose shatter under it. He can sue me if he want. But before that I will be back in Europe, away from all this bullshit.“

Atmosphere changing in the room as soon as you finished your story. With a slight look over your shoulder, you could see, that many of the other guest, heard into your conversation with the bartender.

Which was silent the entire time, „I lost my sister to a vampire too. Even to the one you had talked to.“ He let you know. You knuckles white in furious rage.

„Do you want me to kill him? I haven’t killed one in some time, but I don’t think, that you can loose this ability.“ He thought about your proposal for a while but declined in the end.

„No, he is the boyfriend of my ex-girlfriend now. I don’t want to hurt her.“ Which let you chuckle lowly.

Checking him out, at least as much as you could, „You could have anyone you want. Handsome, tall, dreaming eyes, a smile to melt and a caring personality. Why are you still after your ex?“

His eyes widened in shock, but also recognition. He never really seemed to have thought an about this. But when a stranger asked him, he had nothing better to do, then thinking on it a for a bit.

„When are you finished here?“, you asked out of nowhere. Making him nervous.

„In an about three hours, why?“ His voice suspiciously low.

You clapped your hands in one another, „Great. I will wait here and when you are finished, you drink one with me. Then you can decide if something happens or not.“ Not even letting it open as a discussion, you just left him there, after he gave you another bourbon and played billiards on your own. Hoping, that he found it in himself. He was painfully attracted to you, even if he did not want to admit it. And it wouldn’t have been the first time, you got a seemingly „straight“, guy in your bed.

[absolutepokemontrash]

The Demon Bros Play DND!

Who’s ready for some Stupid Headcanons?

So, the Satanic Panic of the 1980s claimed that the tabletop RPG known as Dungeons and Dragons had the power to turn your children into satanists and devil worshippers. So of course, the brothers have totally played DND after hearing about all the human world nonsense.

Lucifer the Back-up Back-up DM

He’s too busy to play this game dammit, stop inviting him! What do you mean both Satan and Simeon can’t DM the one-shot? Ugh... fine.

Despite all his UUUUUUUUGGGGHHH, Lucifer is a damn good storyteller, prepare to be immersed as hell.

Also, sorry guys, he’s a rule whore. If something’s against the rules, YOU AREN’T DOING IT.

He’s also a complete sadist who will randomly get everyone to roll perception checks for NO REASON.

Lucifer has definitely stood up and slammed his hands on the table while giving a description for extra effect, Mammon screamed and nearly fell out of his seat which REALLY ruined the mood.

“Everyone, we’re rescheduling, I’m too busy.”

He’s been a player a few times, and he’s NOT good at it. All his characters end up being really generic and boring. He’s better at being the world and everything in it, not the dummy wandering around it.

Human/fighter lookin’ motherfucker

In conclusion, he’s a good DM, but he’s probably too busy to play.

Over-Powered Self Insert (Mammon)

This game is for nerds! He’s not playin’, Levi!

Fine, his character is great and amazin’ and is also him. MC! What do these numbers mean-

Mammon’s the type of player to make his character a self insert and not take it too seriously, then get really REALLY attached as the campaign progresses.

He’s the type not to make a backstory for his character either, so go wild DM MCs!

He also both purposefully and accidentally metagames a whole bunch. Like dude, YOU know this, YOUR CHARACTER DOES NOT.

Shit he forgot his dice, can he borrow some?

“Okay MC, that’s five points of piercing damage.” “I RUN OVER AND HEAL THEM! I’LL SAVE YA MC!”

Mammon goes out of his way to save MC’s character long before it would make sense in-character to do so.

“Well, as your first man it’s my duty to save your character! You’ll probably be a blubberin’ mess if I didn’t...”

He’s not the best role player, but he’s also not the worst at it either. He tends to break character when things get too serious and he doesn’t know what to do.

Notes who? He came in here with one sheet of printer paper and it’s for doodling only.

He and Asmodeus start the tavern brawls. No question about that.

Theft is very common, he’s stealing from everyone, including but not limited to: the party, the royal guards, the dead enemies, the giant fuck-you dragon that Satan dropped in there to deter Mammon from stealing...

“I’m gonna steal that crown from the dragon.” “Roll stealth.” “Nat 20 BITCHES.” “Fuck you.”

If his character dies, may the Demon King have mercy on his greedy little soul because he’s going to mope about it for a damn long time.

Over-Powered Self Insert Again (Leviathan)

His character totally isn’t a self insert, shut up! He just looks and acts like an idealized version of himself!

He’s the one with twenty pages of character info and backstory AND the amazing commissioned art.

Levi has about 40 sets of expensive blue dice that he claims gives him the best rolls but an average session with him usually leads to roughly 10 crit fails.

While his luck with dice isn’t that good, he’s the player who will get as much out of their turn as possible, AKA break out the calculators and notes we’re doing some math.

His turn goes on for at least ten minutes because of all the shit he’s doing. When you finally think it’s over he goes “I still have my movement!”

Takes notes like a madman, every bit of lore and character info is being written down, meaning it’s a headache for everyone involved if there’s a continuity error because Levi WILL point it out.

“So you all head to the east, the great Valley of-” “Hang on, valley? In the second session you said there was a mountainous area to the east.” “Levi, shut up.”

Levi is the self appointed “guys come on let’s get back on track!” player, and whoever’s DMing is grateful to have him.

Levi is kind of the opposite of Mammon in terms of character seriousness, at first he’s taking everything super seriously and then as the campaign goes on he slowly loosens up and has some fun.

Out of curiosity one day he searches up a magical girl DND class and he’s ALL OVER IT. PLEASE LET HIM BE A MAGICAL GIRL NEXT CAMPAIGN-

Damn good at roleplaying, he’s carrying the entire in-character discussion until everyone else gets into it.

The Done With Your Bullshit DM (Satan)

So, this is the game that’s supposedly summoning him all the time despite the fact that he hadn’t been up to the human world since the 50s... what the fuck is everyone on up there?

It was the 80s, probably a lot of drugs.

When Satan DMs, you can only break the rules if it enhances the story... or if it fucks with Lucifer’s really boring character.

He will fudge dice rolls every once and a while, he also gets very attached to the characters everyone has made so he doesn’t want to perma-kill any of them unless they roll a DND quadruple natural 1 sin or something.

As attached as he gets, he isn’t above completely raging, killing everyone’s characters, and ending the session if everyone’s being annoying.

Don’t worry, your characters will be safe and sound next session once everything calms down... just don’t mention how Satan burned your character sheet right in front of you. It’s your fault if you didn’t make a second copy of your character sheet!

He’s pretty decent when it comes to improv when a player stumbles into something he didn’t plan out, but that’s not going to stop him from getting a little annoyed.

Though, if you somehow manage to get to the big bad too soon... yeah sorry, he’s got a way more dramatic fight scene planned, your player’s getting conveniently blasted out of there.

As a player, Satan is pretty decent at the game overall, but he tends to be a little aggressive if there’s an overarching mystery to be solved.

He needs to understand what’s going on! He doesn’t care if it upends the plot or it’s too early to find out! He needs to know!

His character is actually distinct and different from himself, Satan thinks it’s more interesting that way. All the books he’s read have made him a pretty awesome role player!

Satan’s notebook both as a DM and a player is filled to the brim, no detail is too insignificant to be put on the page.

Satan doesn’t fear dungeon puzzles... dungeon puzzles fear Satan.

“Are you all stupid?! This puzzle is so easy a four year old could solve it!”

I ROLL TO SEDUCE- (Asmodeus)

At first he didn’t want to play, he doesn’t play these kinds of games, sweetie. He’s too pretty.

When he’s finally convinced he puts a decent amount of effort into his character, but leaves the backstory pretty open.

Asmo would probably be the bard... right? No. He’s the warlock with the magic sugar daddy patron, and the warlock patron is spoken to as such.

“Hey baby... how’ve you been? Have I been good~?” “...”

Huh! Who woulda thought that all the bedroom roleplaying would transfer so well to DND!

Simeon is the only DM that doesn’t immediately shut this down, so Asmo will be extra inclined to play if Mr. Nice Shoulders is DMing.

When he gets really into it he buys a bunch of sparkly and very pretty dice, they bring him good luck in every roll!

Asmo has a fictional harem, no question about it. It gets to the point where Satan, Lucifer, and Simeon stop describing NPCs as attractive.

He’s rolling to seduce either way, he’s turned many an antagonist into a lover. To be fair, Asmo’s horniness has gotten everyone out of a lot of jail cells... so they can’t complain.

His notes consist of really random comments about the plot and the other players. It’s also COATED with doodles.

‘Wow, this character is such an asshole, I hope Belphie kills them.’ ‘Shit.’ ‘MC looks so cute when they play their character!!!!!!!! :D’

Poor bab forgets the rules a lot... it’s just too much to remember, okay?! How was he supposed to know that he ran out of spell slots an hour ago?!

Please help him, MC...

*Dice Cronch* (Beel)

Homeboy has been given edible dice, no question. He has also eaten the non-edible dice...

Beel goes to Satan for help with making his character, and he ends up really loving the character! :D

Problem is, he’s not that good at roleplaying... D:

“Can my character eat that person?” “Beel, no- you know what? Let me check what you’d need to roll to do that.”

I’ll save you MC part 2 electric boogaloo, but when it comes to Beel, the entire party is getting protected, no matter how little it makes sense in-character.

While Beel does take notes, a lot of them don’t end up being very important for later events. For example, he’ll jot down stuff about the layout in one room, but it turns out he didn’t take notes for the room that was actually going to be used for a boss fight.

He’s always nice to the NPCs, shame Belphie doesn’t show them the same courtesy.

Murder Hobo (Belphie)

Chaotic evil.

“Belphie, your character’s alignment is neutral good, remember?” “Fuck that, this guy’s annoying me.”

If Belphie doesn’t like an NPC, it’s up to the rest of the party to stop him from derailing the campaign and killing them.

He has space themed dice because cow-man likes space and thought they were pretty.

Notes? NOTES? You think Belphegor, the Avatar of SLOTH, takes notes? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

He’s drooling all over the notebook... ew. Someone wake him up and tell him it’s his turn.

He puts about 35% effort forth to make a halfway decent character, and approximately 4% effort to actually roleplay.

Belphie sleeps through important plot details so he’s almost always really confused. He’ll turn to MC and ask them to explain what he missed before not learning his lesson and going back to sleep.

Wake him up for the dungeon puzzles though, he and Satan love those.

“Okay, we can’t see what’s in the room because none of the conscious party members have dark vision?” “Nope, what do you do?” “...I shove Mammon inside and shut the door.” “WHAT?!”

Bonus! The Best DM (Simeon)

Our favourite angel has homebrewed this entire campaign and boy fricken howdy are these players going to enjoy it.

Simeon fudges the dice rolls to avoid anything too irreversibly bad happening, buuuuuuut he’s still a total asshole who does the random perception rolls to keep everyone on their toes.

Everyone gets a character arc god dammit, even if they don’t have a backstory, one will be provided!

He’s got a map, he’s got miniatures, he’s got dice and backup dice for the backup dice, he’s got DM notes for days!

Simeon could be a voice actor with the amount of character voices he can do, no one ever gets confused with who’s talking.

Did someone just uncover a massive bit of plot that was meant to be found out later? Good job! No harm done! Simeon’s DM improv is second to none, and the plot will adjust accordingly!

[khaleesiofalicante]

LBAF - Deleted Scene #1

Here you go, you heathens. 

This scene happens a few weeks after Max and David start dating. 

David walked up the stairs, carrying the magazines in one hand and a box of donuts in the other. There was a little skip in his step, he noticed. He was excited to see his boyfriend. It felt weird to call Max that. 

Boyfriend. 

David giggled to himself and hoped no one saw that. 

Also, the Consul wasn’t home apparently. So, that was nice.

Once he made it into the apartment, he gave Max the box of donuts and a kiss on the lips.

“Double glazed,” Max made an appreciative noise as he shoved one into his mouth. “David, you really know how to make a man moan.”

David’s cheeks reddened. Someone cleared their throat.

“Ahem.”

David turned around and almost dropped the magazines. He whirled around and glared – or did his best impression of it – at Max.

“You said he wasn’t home!”

“You wouldn’t have come if I had told you he was home,” Max shrugged.

“Max!” David groaned.

“Are you wearing my sweater?” the Consul demanded incredulously.

David looked down at the pale blue oversized sweater and then looked at Max. By the Angel!

“I didn’t know!” he said quickly. “Max was wearing it last week and then he left it in my room and-”

“He left it in your room?”

“Relax, dad!” Max rolled his eyes. “I just spilled some sauce on it. We didn’t even do anything that day!”

“So, you’ve been doing things on other days then???” the Consul inquired.

David was contemplating whether he should jump out of the window and run back to the institute when the high warlock walked out of the bedroom, tying an orange robe around him.

“David is here!” the man in orange said cheerfully. “Wonderful! Just in time for breakfast!”

“Oh, I don’t have to stay,” David said quickly.

“You heard him,” the Consul repeated. “He doesn’t have to stay.”

“Alexander, hush!” the warlock said and kissed the Consul on the cheek. The Consul shut up and went to the kitchen to make coffee.

David wished he could make portals too so he could get out of here. It’s not that he didn’t like the Lightwood-Banes. He loved them in fact.

But their energy was too much for him sometimes.

He felt something rub against his leg and looked down. He picked up the cat with one hand gave him a kiss.

“Bonjour, mon cheri,” David whispered at the cat.

The little creature purred in his palm and tried to sneak inside his sweater.

“You know, David. I was worried about Max dating at first,” the high warlock said, pouring himself some tea. “But now my heart can rest easy. Chairman Meow is an excellent judge of character.”

“Yeah, if Chairman likes you then it means you are simply amazing,” Max smiled as the cat ran up to the warlock boy.

“Chairman likes anyone who feeds him tuna,” the Consul mumbled. “He is just a cat.”

“Dad!” Max covered the cat’s ears.

The high warlock gasped. “Alec Lightwood! You take that back!”

“You know I was worried about Max dating too,” Rafael said.

“Awww,” Max cooed.

“I mean I was worried about the person you were dating,” Rafael pointed out.

“Eat ichor,” Max flipped him off.

“Rafael,” David said and held out the magazines. “Here you go.”

The older boy, who was sitting on the dining table and staring at his laptop, looked up. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he looked utterly tired.

He took the magazines from David and glanced through them.

“David,” the boy said emotionally. “You are my emotional support bro.”

Rafael was studying for his finals. David had promised to help him out with some of the resources he needed.

“Hey!” Max complained. “That’s not cool. I got you cookies from Levain last night!”

Levain was one of the most famous bakeries in New York. Max had taken David there one day as a surprise so he could meet the head chef and learn his recipe for their infamous chocolate chip walnut cookie.

David didn’t know what Max had to do to pull that off, but he was sure there were some bribes – or possible threats – involved.

“You summoned them by snapping your fingers,” Rafael corrected now. “And you didn’t even pay for them!”

“Max!” the older warlock gasped. “How could you?”

“That’s right!” the Consul didn’t look pleased. “We are disappointed with you, Max.”

“You ordered from Levain when I wasn’t home?” the high warlock sounded hurt.

“Okay, we are disappointed about different things apparently,” the Consul rolled his eyes. “Max, you are not supposed to summon things without paying for them.”

“Because it’s unethical?” Max asked, eating his breakfast with no sign of remorse.

“And because it’s illegal,” the Consul corrected. “It’s not okay to steal!”

“But Levain is a big brand!” Max complained. “It’s okay to steal from the rich, dad!”

“We are the rich!” the Consul replied incredulously.

“Dad is right. You are basically contributing to the monopolization of resources by the 1%,” Rafael explained, tapping one of his massive textbooks.

“Nobody asked you, Rafe!” Max groaned, mouthful of cereal. “Show off!”

“No more stealing things,” the Consul said – in his Consul Voice. “Not even from the rich.”

“Not even cookies?” Max pouted.

“I can make you cookies, Max,” David interjected carefully.

“Aww,” the warlock cooed. “There you go, my little robin hood. Problem solved.”

“Guess I’ll take down capitalism in another century,” Max rolled his eyes.

David smiled at that. Max was going to do great many things during his long, long life. David wished he could see them all.

“What’s that then?” the Consul asked from the kitchen, pointing at the stack of magazines.

“Porn magazines,” Max snickered.

“What!?!” the Consul choked on his coffee and glared at David.

“By the angel, Max!” David groaned and then looked at the Consul. “There are just regular magazines and journals, sir.”

“I asked him to find stuff for me from the New York Library,” Rafael mercifully explained. “They are references for my final essay.”

“Why do they ask you to use references anyway?” the high warlock demanded, eating a piece of fruit.

“It’s to validate the claims, Magnus,” the Consul pointed out, sitting down next to him.

“My son doesn’t need to validate anything,” the older warlock huffed. “They should just take his word for it.”

“Oh, Bapak!” Rafael sighed dramatically. “How I wish you were a professor at Columbia.”

“It’s a nice place actually,” the high warlock hummed appreciatively.

“You’re just saying that because literally every one of Rafael’s friends flirted with you when we went for that parents event,” the Consul grumbled.

“They weren’t flirting, Alexander,” the warlock corrected. “They were just giving me compliments.”

The Consul rolled his eyes at that.

Max picked up one of the magazines and flipped through it. “Dad, did you really think these were porn magazines?”

“No, I didn't!”

“Nobody even reads porn magazines anymore,” Max pointed out and then giggled. “Oh my god, is that what you used during your time?”

The Consul went red in the face. “During my time??”

“That’s very presumptuous, blueberry,” the high warlock shook his head. “Pornography is not just for young people!”

David was just quietly standing there and taking in all the banter. He wondered if breakfast in their apartment was colourful like this every single day.

“Well, young people don’t read magazines,” Max huffed. “We use the internet like normal people!”

“We??” the Consul demanded. “You watch porn?”

“Everyone watches porn,” Rafael pointed out, eyes on his books.

“Yeah even David watches porn!” Max grinned.

“Excuse me?” the Consul said.

“I don’t!” David almost yelled. “I don’t even know what that is!”

“You don’t know what porn is?” the Consul asked suspiciously.

“I mean, I do know,” David said - no, blabbered. “But just like the normal stuff. No weird stuff!”

“What exactly do you mean by weird stuff, David?” Rafael giggled.

David was sweating now. The window wasn't that high, right? He could just jump out and run off. 

“That’s enough,” the high warlock said. “There will be no kink shaming under my roof!”

“Yeah, just because I looked up tentacle porn does not mean I am a weirdo,” Max pointed out, glaring at Rafael.”

“Tentacle porn?” the Consul blanched.

“It looked very tricky to be honest,” Max sighed. “Not my thing.”

“It’s not that tricky,” the high warlock said, putting jam on his toast. “The key is to-”

“Okay, we are done here,” the Consul clapped his hands.

Max picked up the box of donuts and took David’s hand. “Cool. We are going to my room.”

“Door open!” the Consul yelled after them.

[guysunderwearstories]

Fan Fic!

The year was finally coming to an end and so was the lease on the house: the boys were moving out. Walt was graduating and moving on to live with his brother, Carson. Patrick was switching to an apartment complex on campus known for its quiet, studious atmosphere. Tyler was shacking up with Seth. Dan, TJ, and their swimming teammate Bogdan had found a place to rent together. And James, lucky dog, was marrying his fiancée Isabella. That just left Christian and Aaron, who were staying roommates but moving to a condo nearby. Just before Christmas break when the boys would part with the house and their group dynamics forever, they would host one last party together. A party to remember for life. To get wicked drunk at. And to reminiscence over all the nice pantsings they’d given each other over the year.

Despite all the pranks—or maybe becauseof them—the dudes were best of bros and had no trouble divvying up the cleaning and packing—until, that is, Patrick found it. Under one of the couch cushions, the house’s last tenants had abandoned a jackpot; Dan, Walt, and Tyler spent way too much time squabbling over who’d get to keep it: the sick new video game Warlock Assassins—Destination: Mars. That afternoon, James ran into his former RA, Mitch, again. Their last meeting had left James a little bare around the thighs, and Mitch wasn’t about to let James forget it. When James mentioned the guys’ predicament with the video game, he’d proposed a fun solution in line with their obsession with exposing each other’s underwear: “Pants-sassins!”

The rules were simple: the last man standing with pants on won. But each guy in the house would only get assigned one other guy as a target. When the target was terminated (underwear exposed, pants past the knees), the pants-sassin would take on their victim’s target as their own. The system was set in place with cards arranged by Mitch. To add to the embarrassment, each victim had to keep his pants down to his ankles for an entire hour—no matter what. And to keep things intense, the second-to-last man standing would not only get his underwear exposed but also a mystery punishment decided on by the champion when the time came. No belts, no suspenders, no skinny jeans allowed.

The game started out slow. Just after getting their card assignments, James managed to yank Tyler’s athletic shorts down a few inches before Tyler caught them, showing only a quick flash of pink. After that, most of the guys realized wearing no pants around the house was their safest strategy: no pants, no pantsing, after all. When they came home, they’d take off their shoes and also their pants at the door. (It’s only polite.) Christian, however, always the modest one, kept his shorts on after his morning run. As he made a bowl of cereal, Aaron made short order of the shorts, resulting in whole milk spilt over the whole kitchen counter. After Aaron took Christian’s card, the house couldn’t stop laughing as Christian shuffled ridiculously about the house getting ready for the day with his shorts around his ankles and his hot orange briefs with cream blue piping clutching him tight. Somehow, his housemates weren’t keeping in mind that they’d all be next…

That day during lunch hour, Aaron and James waved Walt over to eat and chat. Just as he was bending over to place his tray on the table, Dan snuck up and tried pantsing him. They had a small skirmish as Walt gasped and wriggled his narrow waist, trying to break free while still clasping his tray, but Dan the beast got the best of him in the end, taking his khakis down past his knees to laughs and gasps all around. Unfortunately, the underwear was relatively plain and modest for Walt: solid red boxer-briefs. Even after everyone had finished eating, Walt spent the entire lunch hour at the table, chair pushed in to try hiding his undies. Dan was king of the pantsing food chain so far.

Then it was Aaron’s turn. As an athletic extravert, Aaron would be much more alert and on the lookout than Walt, so Dan had to recruit help this time. TJ, Dan’s teammate from swimming, came to the bus stop after class and chatted Aaron up, saying how pumped he was for the party that night and asking what type of beer he should bring and which hot people he should get to know better. Aaron was telling him to wear his best underwear that night (“because you never know what’s gonna go down at these parties”) right as Dan snuck up and took down Aaron’s sweats. The alpha of the house was suddenly displaying his ripped legs and tight crimson plaid boxers to students all around, who gasped or pointed and laughed. Aaron simply smiled and bowed, handing Dan his card. When the bus pulled up, the driver, grouchy and hunched, stopped Aaron at the door. “No shirt, no shoes, no pants: no service, young man.” Aaron shrugged, stepped down, and waited for the next bus. When he finally got back to the house, he admitted even he’d gotten a bit bashful waiting in the cold by the busy road in boxers and then getting onto a crowded bus all by himself, where the passengers stared in confusion at his underwear and at his sweatpants around his ankles out of context.

By about 5 PM, Dan was feeling pretty good about himself. It was still an uphill road, but only a few more pairs of pants stood between him and the latest of Warlock Assassins. But as a preemptive measure, he planned on going pantsless all night. All of Dan’s swimming had made exposing his whole body second nature to him; cruising the party, beers in hand, in his small navy-blue briefs with a light anchor motif would feel perfectly natural. After all, why should strutting around in nice underwear ever be embarrassing?

Dan was scheming like this in the entry room when the first car of the night rolled up to the house. A hot guy with curly brown hair jangled the car keys as he stepped out and locked the driver’s door. “Yoooo! This Tanner’s place?” he asked Dan through an open window.

Dan stared. “Nope. Wrong house, man.”

“Hmm, it’s the right address. I got some speakers here,” he glanced down at a sheet “…for Tann—Nah, for Tyyyler!”

“Gotcha, man. Yeah, Tyler lives in this dump.” Dan studied the early party guest more closely. “Do I know ya, bro?”

“I’ve delivered pizza here before,” he replied smoothly. “Hey, these speakers are dang heavy. Think ya could help a bro out?”

Dan thought for a moment. “Lemme check.” Upstairs he hustled to Patrick’s room. The other guys were all either still on campus or out buying supplies for the party. Patrick opened the door and let Dan in, but told him he was too studious (and too weak) to help with the speaker now. As Dan left, Patrick was left scratching his chin.

Dan jogged up to the door and shrugged. “Well, it’s cold out. And I’m, uh, not wearing pants, so…”

The delivery boy stared blankly. “Okaaay… You want mine?” He dropped his snow pants and tossed them over onto the doormat. He was still wearing a tight pair of jeans.

“These speakers aren’t moving themselves.” He ticked his head back at the snow pants by the front door. “C’mon. You want music tonight, right?”

Dan sighed, put the snow pants on, and carefully walked out onto the sidewalk. Hefting an end of the big speaker, he slowly shuffled to the door—but not before a dark figure rounded the corner of the house and pantsed the champion pantser!

“Gotcha—man!” Tyler said slickly, making air guns with his hands. “Thanks Seth!”

“Ugggh!” Dan moaned as he and Seth set down the speaker. “I hate you, Tyler! And you were pranking me, too?!” He turned to Seth, the delivery boy, who was grinning as triumphantly as Tyler. Dan angrily lifted a foot, ready to slam it down onto one of the speaker’s drivers.

“Whoa, dude! The speaker is real—and real expensive! Wanna help me get it through the front door?”

“No!” Dan took his card from his shirt pocket, slapped it face down into Tyler’s hand and shuffled inside. “And now I have to spend the whole intro of the party with some crinkly snow pants around my ankles—dang it!”

Tyler helped Seth with the speaker but just as they walked through the door, Dan leapt out and pantsed the first one through, who happened to be Seth.

“Nice,” replied Seth. “I’ll keep my jeans around my ankles, too, for the party, if it makes you feel any better.” He was showing his skin-tight long black thermal underwear.

“I hate it when people I prank are nice and reasonable about it,” muttered Dan, folding his arms and pouting.

“Look, Dan, sorry I pantsed you,” Tyler finally apologized. “But you’re underwear’s nice: very you. And it had to be done.”

“Right before the big party?!”

“Totally! Because I knew you would have done the same to us. I mean, you got Walt in a freakin’ cafeteria! I knew Patrick and James wouldn’t humiliate me that badly, so it had to be down to us three tonight.”

“You don’t know squat,” said Dan, stomping off in a huff.

Tyler shrugged, finally looked down at the card to see who he had—and gasped in shock!

A little way above them, Patrick had already crossed Dan off his whiteboard. He’d witnessed the whole scene from his upstairs window. Now he worked and worked, furiously analyzing every angle of the pantsing puzzle. As party guests trickled in, Patrick suddenly heard a knock at his bedroom door. He hesitated, worried James or Tyler would burst in to rip off his pajama bottoms. But only one housemate stood smiling back when he creaked the door open and looked both ways in paranoia.

“Bruuuh—you could WIN this!” Walt said as Patrick hastily refastened his bedroom door’s lock behind him. “You, James, or Tyler—and I’m rooting for you! How can I help out?”

Patrick smiled bashfully. “I’m an excellent hider, but only a mediocre pantser, honestly. James will prove difficult indeed. But something’s just not adding up…” Patrick paced across the room, stroking his pitifully stubbled chin. “I have James, so James must have Tyler, and Tyler must have me, correct? And since Tyler just eliminated Dan, that means Dan must have had Tyler’s current target: me.”

“Sounds right to me,” said Walt innocently.

“And yet—Dan had all sorts of opportunities to pants me this afternoon and he didn’t even try. Why was he so anxious to pants you and Aaron but didn’t even care about me? Am I not good enough for him?”

“You’re great,” Walt reassured him. “And your underwear’s just fine. I’m sure Dan was just waiting for the best time to embarrass you or something. So how about getting James, am I right?”

“No… Dan’s not like that,” Patrick answered distantly and dismissively. “I must have the order of the pantsing circle wrong somehow. But how could I be wrong with only three of us left—unless there aren’t just three of us!” He stopped pacing and gasped. “Could someone have… faked a pantsing?”

“Nice work, Sherlock,” Walt flashed Patrick his sassiest smirk as he grabbed him from behind with his pantsing hands. Patrick turned, giving a soft shriek as his pale legs were forcibly exposed.

***

“Bruuuh—you could WIN this!”

Walt was schmoozing with James now, who was sitting at a fancy card table in the dining area sipping wine with Isabella.

“Nope.” James shook his head adamantly. “I’ve been pantsed waaaay too much by you guys and, anyway, I’m already occupied,” he finished, glancing coyly at Isabella.

“But you’re the only one left!” Walt went on enthusiastically. “Well, you and Tyler, but he’s never been the best at pantsing.”

“Pfft, I’m even worse,” said James, swirling his wine and sulking. “I just let Dan and Aaron walk all over me this year. Or tug all over me, or whatever. I’ve never pantsed a soul.”

“You got me backstage before my speech. And that was humiliating, let me tell you.”

“Jimmy!” responded Isabella, aghast.

“Nope!” said James, lifting a finger in defense. “That was Christian. I was just… his moral support. Anyway, Patrick has some scheme, I know it! He’s been weird about this whole thing and I think he secretly wants the video game because he was the one who found it.”

“Patrick’s out, man,” Walt informed him. “Dan got ‘im this afternoon,” Walt lied to him.

Right on cue, the sound of a clanging door came from upstairs and so did a sheepish Patrick, jumping like a feeble kangaroo with his pajama bottoms dangling around his ankles, exposing his sky-blue boxers with hot air balloons printed in the background. He grabbed a beer and some pretzels then hopped right back up the stairs.

“I can win this…” whispered James, a smile starting to creep over his face.

“James, honey—” Isabella put her hand on James’. “Please don’t do this. It’s so… junior high.”

But James already had too bright of a glint in his eye. “Honey, I’ve always hated Tyler,” he told her deadpan. “But I’ve always kept my hatred bottled up inside because I’m a good person. This is the only socially acceptable channel I have to express my feelings.”

“He would do the same to you,” added Patrick solemnly. “And then he’d administer an even worse punishment for finishing in second place.”

“You do you,” Isabella told James with a sigh before downing more wine.

James stood up heroically—right as Walt took down James’ pants heroically, leaving him in his dandelion yellow trunks with a shimmering, vertically striped texture (Isabella’s favourites).

“Nice one,” James said to Walt, rolling his eyes and pulling up his pinstripe dress pants as Isabella squealed.

“Ah-ah-ah!” Walt replied in a sing-song, chiding lilt as he tugged at the pants again. “Those are staying down until—let’s see… 8:38. Card please.” Walt extended his palm.

“B-but… You’re out!” spluttered James. “I saw Dan get you!”

“But what you didn’t see was me give up my card. Dan never had me, he had Aaron from the beginning. We agreed to help each other out until it came down to the two of us.”

James pressed his lips together in a scowl. “Here,” he slapped his card into Walt’s hand. “For Walt the weasel.” James sat back down, shaking his head. Isabella scowled and Walt left in a hurry, scouting out his final victim. Unfortunately for him, Seth had witnessed the whole scene from the beer cooler. Following the music, Walt entered the game room where the party was lit. And it just happened to be Tyler’s turn on the makeshift “stage” area along one wall of the small room, next to the TV. As he strummed his electric guitar to the music, he nodded at Walt, who was casually strolling up, and turned back to the crowd. It was only Patrick and James who he was worried about, after all.

“NOOOOO!!!” came a shout from across the room. As Walt’s greasy wriggling fingers neared Tyler’s helpless booty, Seth dove in between. As he flew onward headfirst into the Christmas tree, his light thermal underwear caught on Walt’s sharpest fingernail, ripping apart somehow and giving everyone a brief glimpse of Seth’s favourite embarrassing superhero underpants. That glimpse was “brief,” both thanks to the slightness of fabric in Seth’s choice of underpants and because, as the Christmas tree fell over under Seth’s rocketing force, the flashing Christmas lights—the soul source of light in the basement game room—got unplugged, leaving the party in total darkness and total confusion.

All pandemonium broke lose. Walt and Tyler reached out in the dark to pants each other but got innocent bystanders instead. Those victims retaliated on others within grabbing distance, creating a chain reaction of underpants exposed. After several long seconds, Mitch plugged the Christmas lights back in and Carlos panicked, searching frantically for anything to cover his loose tighty-whities. Franklin guffawed and scratched the side of his baby blue boxer-briefs. TJ acted faux-embarrassed as he covered the crotch of his black trunks. Bogdan looked nonplussed in the shiny red briefs so scanty that the back and front only connected by the waistband. Mitch stood pointing and laughing hysterically at all the mayhem—the mayhem he was the root cause of—especially at Carlos, until his former dorm subject James stumbled in from behind, yanking Mitch’s jeans to the floor. “I alwaysss wan’ed to doo dat,” James slurred drunkenly. It turned out Mitch was a tighty-whities man himself.

“Tyler!” shouted Seth desperately, arching his neck to look for his main man among the crowd of naked legs. Seth had managed to pin Walt down, sitting on his back and covering his mouth while his legs kicked and squirmed. Unfortunately for Tyler, Dan had done the same to him, which clearly showed once the crowd had cleared. Seth and Dan shot daggers at one another before both deciding to stand up and stand down. This was Walt’s and Tyler’s fight, after all, and they deserved to win or lose on their own merit.

As Walt and Tyler got up and shook loose, they began pacing circles around the middle of the room, never relinquishing eye contact. It would either be Tyler’s white athletic shorts or Walt’s black tearaway pants—one of them was coming off right here, right now. Bystanders (mostly still in their underwear) took sides, chanting and yelling while Walt and Tyler prowled around the edge of the “ring”, never letting their eyes off each other all the while. Here it was: the ultimate pantsing showdown.

The first move was Tyler’s. Running straight at Walt, Tyler got held back only by Walt’s devilishly fast reflexes. “The game’s mine!” he hissed in Walt’s ear before Walt pushed him away. They circled some more. Walt doubled back suddenly, tripping Tyler, but Tyler kicked wildly and got back up. More circling. Finally, in one swift motion, Tyler leapt straight at Walt, lifting one knee and slamming it straight into Walt’s chest. He was down and Tyler’s foot was on his stomach before even Walt could react.

“Go Tyler!” a voice in the crowd called out. Tyler glanced up to see Nate pumping his fist and grinning from ear to ear. His comfy-looking light grey underwear left little to the imagination, like the skin of an elephant. And that glance was Tyler’s fatal error. Everyone at the party looked on as the white athletic shorts came down, revealing Tyler’s softly hairy thighs and hot pink zebra print trunks to the world. Nate’s mouth puckered into a perfect ‘O’ of surprise before he covered it with his hand, trying not to laugh. No one else reacted so subtly, cheering and jeering and leering with gusto instead. Tyler sighed, hung his head, then slowly turned toward Walt, looking up with puppy dog eyes. “What’s my punishment, man?”

Walt smirked. “One word: spanking.” Cheers erupted and Tyler moaned but reluctantly let himself get lifted into the fireman’s carry by Dan, who paraded him around for the rest of the evening. Party goers took swipes at Tyler every chance they got. Nate and Seth were especially into it.

As the party wore on, Walt took the stage for a karaoke number. Facing the crowd, he finally gave them what they wanted, ripping off his tearaway pants and yelling and shaking his fist enthusiastically to the music. On their way over to pick up Walt, at that exact moment, Carson, Nolan, and Ethan pounded down the stairs into the party room, getting a full-frontal view of their brother in a jockstrap he had borrowed from Carson. “That’s my bro!” they proudly told anyone who would listen.

I WANT TO BE CLEAR THAT THIS IS FANFICTION AND NOT CANON. THIS STORY DOES NOT SERVE AS A FINALE AT ALL TO THE SERIES, BUT I ENJOYED IT SO HERE YOU GO.

That being said, expect a return very soon :) If any of you want to hype up the return on your blogs, I'd appreciate it. Also please tell me the characters you'd like me to focus on