#btw “you don't know it but you saved my life” is the out place line again

[corall-ocean]

Butterflies works with my ship:

"I'm gonna love you 'till the day I die"

"When you cut me, you cut me like a knife"

"Why do you have to go away?"

Now good luck figuring out which ship I'm talking about

[wolfnight2012]

So is the fandom at large still characterizing "Open Arms" as the ~pacifism~ song or have we gotten past that?

Like, I don't know how keen Polites was for violence as a soldier in the Trojan war, since we meet him after the fact & lose him soon after.

But "Open Arms" doesn't tell us about his capacity for violence. It barely tells us about his thoughts on violence as an option.

The most we can infer from "Full Speed Ahead" and "Open Arms" is that Polites doesn't believe violence is the only option (or the one they should jump to first.)

But that's not even what "Open Arms" is about (not really)

"Open Arms" is about Polites noticing Odysseus' trauma & trying to help his friend heal.

The first lines of the song are:

"I can tell you're getting nervous, so do yourself a service"

Here "nervous" isn't being used to mean "scared" but rather "anxious" or "tense." I think Polites is calling out the fact that Odysseus is going 'fight or flight' mode despite everything being calm/no threat in sight.

He then tells Odysseus to have hope.

"Think of all that we have been through, we'll survive what we get in to"

He then starts to call out Odysseus a bit more explicitly (and notice how Odysseus does not contradict him. After his first [and unconvincing imo] "I"m fine, Polites" Odysseus doesn't speak again until the lotus-eaters show up)

(Btw, if you wanna read my breakdown of Polites & Odysseus' relationship [as explicitly depicted in EPIC], I wrote a post about it here)

"I know that you're tired of the war & bloodshed" <-We the audience also know this: "Will these actions haunt my days/is the price I pay endless pain?" (Plus killing Astyanax messed him up)

"Tell me, is this how we're supposed to live?" <- Must we remain in that kill/be killed mindset, always on alert, always warriors first, men second?

"Look at how you grip your sword, enough said" <- I think we can infer that Polites is either calling out the fact that Odysseus hasn't let go of his sword since they left the ship (aka always in 'warrior mode' aka "is this how we're supposed to live?") OR that Odysseus is white-knuckling his sword, (aka he is nervous/ anxious/stressed about a potential attack despite no visible threats)

Either way, in Polites' eyes, this mentality is detrimental to his friends' mental and/or emotional health.

Then we get to the point where I think the misunderstanding started & ended up overshadowing the rest of the song:

"You can show a person that you trust them, when you stop and lower your guard" <- I think we can take this literally (lower your sword until you actually have need of it) or figuratively (be ~emotionally~ vulnerable by asking for help.)

"This life is amazing, when you greet it with open arms" <- It doesn't have to be "endless pain" Life can be beautiful, but you have to stop closing yourself off/seeing everything as a threat first

Polites is arguing that the world is not always out to get you. Sometimes people are decent. Sometimes they are willing (or want) to help you.

It's a bit of "Try extending your hand in greeting before reaching for your sword" (Not everyone will be friendly, but you won't know if you are aggressive from the get-go.)

And a bit "Life is what you make of it" (if Ody treats every stranger like an enemy, then that is what they'll be.)

"We'll be fine if we're leading from the heart" I talk a bit about this in my response here. TLDR; Odysseus is lying to himself when he says he can "Lead from the heart & see what starts" in "Luck Runs Out" because that is not what he is doing,(and his reward is the windbag betrayal) MEANWHILE he does successfully "lead from the heart" while warding off Circe's advances & it's what saves his men/gains Circe's sympathy.

"No matter the place, we can light up the world, here's how to start" <- Again, life is what you make of it. You can make it a good one; not everything is an enemy/potential threat. Stop being a warrior first & go back to being a man

Of course, this doesnt immediately work, because Odysseus greets the world with his sword when the lotus-eaters show up

(Tbh, I find it hilarious that the lotus-eaters' FIRST word is "Welcome" and Odysseus responds to a Friendly Greeting by drawing his sword)

Like, Odysseus is genuinely seeing a threat here, he IS scared "nervous"

His first words to the lotus-eaters is a demand/warning for them to "stay back" (and both their cute voices [going off audio only] or their canonical fluffy designs tell us these are tiny things. They have no weapons, they haven't indicated any aggression, but Odysseus is so high-strung he sees something he might need to fight anyways)

THIS is what Polites has been refering to. THIS is why he's so concerned about his friend. That is not healthy and Odysseus is buckling under the weight of living in "survival" mode/always being "on"

"My friend, greet the world with open arms" <- this isnt Polites horrified Odysseus is responding with aggression/concerned for the innocent lotus-eaters, THIS is Polites (knowing Odysseus is tired of war & bloodshed) reminding his friend that he doesn't have to put himself through this. There IS another way. These creatures could be friendly, "Maybe they'll share some food, who knows?" Maybe, maybe not, but they won't know until they extend a hand first & ask.

And Odysseus does it by half measures *cough* just like all his actions after "Just a Man"*cough*

He lets the lotus-eaters know of their plight "We're only here for food" and threatens them in the next breath "600 men are waiting/stay back, I'm warning you/my men will turn this place into blazes"

He doesn't even ask for food/help, he simply lets the lotus-eaters know they're searching for food, then immediately piles on three additional threats to make sure they don't try anything.

Then of course the lotus-eaters offer food, but not food they can eat & Odysseus becomes dejected (which I think implies he was [sorta] listening to Polites, or at the very least, is so tired/stressed/wrung-out that he was secretly hoping it could be as easy as Polites claims.)

And Polites tries one more time.

"I'd like to show my friend that kindness is brave" <- I've seen so many people call Polites naive. That his optimism is too extreme/and not fit for the world (or at least the world of EPIC) but i would disagree with this common interpretation as well.

Why is kindness brave? If Polites believed greeting the world with open arms would help them find ONLY friendly strangers (instead of hostile ones or outright foes) then why would kindness be brave. Wouldn't it simply be? After all, what's brave about a sure thing? What's brave about having a get-out-of-danger-free card?

Kindness is brave because sometimes you WILL be met with hostile strangers/foes. But you extend your hand in peace first anyways. You don't know for certain if you will be met with friend or foe. But that does not mean you walk around, one hand on your sword, seeing enemies at every turn. You greet the world with open arms & give strangers the benefit of the doubt first, THEN use force if necessary.

I see Polites' philosophy as similar to Waymond's from EEAAO in that regard.

Polites, like Waymond, is choosing kindness. Is choosing to be optimistic. Not because he is naive to the ways of the world, but in spite of them. That is how Polites fights against darkness & despair. He is not naive.

When Polites tells the lotus eaters he'd "Like to show my friend that kindness is brave" he knows he's taking a risk. That's why it's brave. He is extending his trust to these creatures in the hopes they'll help/they have no ill intent, BUT being Well Aware he could be met with the latter.

Just because he's optimistic about the outcome doesn't mean he doesnt understand the risk. To refuse to dwell on the negative doesn't mean you're unaware of negative possibilities.

Then Polites reiterates his advice "This life is amazing, when you greet it with open arms" because it doesn't have to all be war & bloodshed & stress. You CAN find goodness in the world, and you'll feel much better if you don't assume everyone & everything is out to get you. And he lets Ody know he's aware of what he's going through/what's upsetting him.

"I seen in your face there is so much guilt inside your heart" <- I genuinely don't know if the crew know Odysseus dropped Astyanax, every time Odysseus references the infant, it's vaguely or as an aside. But even if Polites DOESN'T know Odysseus killed an infant, he still has 10 years of war to draw from (plus the wooden horse/killing sleeping Trojans bit.) Like, Polites is aware of what Odyssues has done, he knows what Odysseus is grappling with. This is not a simple/superficial/naive call for Odysseus to 'cheer up!' Polites knows of the darkness weighing on Odysseus' shoulders & he's telling Odysseus he's allowed to put it behind him.

"So why not replace it, and light up the world" <- He's allowed. It's over. It's behind them. Polites does not want his friend to torment himself forever. Whatever he did, he can move on. He can be a better man that what he was forced to become while at war/Troy (remember, Polites is well aware Odysseus is "tired of the war and bloodshed".)

And how can Odysseus begin to heal from his guit/trauma?

"Greet the world with open arms" <- stop seeing every stranger as a potential enemy/threat. Open yourself up to the possibility that good things happen sometimes. Sometimes, people are kind

"Greet the world with open arms" <- and Odysseus begins to tentatively open himself up to the concept & take Polites' words to heart

"You can relax, my friend" <- you're allowed

Sidenote: I told myself this post would ONLY be about Open Arms (and this ended up being SO Much longer than I anticipated) but I have a few more things to say, so I'll try to be brief.

Warrior of the Mind:

I'm convinced Athena pops in when she does because Odysseus is listening to Polites. He's been eaten by guilt since Astyanax & shyed away from violence in Full Speed Ahead. His nervousness is not very "warrior of the mind" of him. YET Athena doesn't come in to scold Odysseus at any of these points.

It's only when Odysseus sings Polites' chorus back to him, signaling he's opening himself up to the concept of open arms that Athena makes her entrance.

Polyphemus:

I'm not asserting this, but I think the argument can be made that Odysseus checks out the cave because of Polites. Like, either:

A.) He's giving Polites' advice a try here & now by trusting the lotus eaters/that they mean no ill-intent OR

B.) (less likely probaby??) His friendship/affection for Polites is the sort where he wants to please him. Polites is set on trusting the lotus/showing Odyssues "another way" & Odysseus will humor him because it's Polites asking

(Tho obviously the other explanation is that they are just THAT desperate for food & Odysseus doesn't think they have time to go searching for yet another island when this one (the lotus eater one) already turned out to be a bust

Underworld:

I feel like the general consensus for Polites' section of "Underworld" is that Polites died still seeing/believing in the good of the world OR that his dying wish was for Odysseus to chose nonviolence/pacifism???

(But as you can tell from *gestures at this entire post* I don't subscribe to the idea that "Open Arms" is about nonviolence. THEREFORE)

We know Polites last words/action in life was calling for Odysseus. And, imo, Polites' dying wish was for Odysseus to heal. If "Open Arms" is about Polites' calling out Odysseus' stress/trauma & trying to coax Ody to approach life differently so he can start to move on from the horrors of war.

Then that means, in death, Polites is stuck hoping Odysseus heals. Over & Over Polites sings for his friend to let go of his guilt & try to build a life worth living (not just one have to survive in)

And THAT imo is 1000x sadder than a call for pacifism. Because Polites' dying wish doesn't come true. Odysseus' mental/emotional health grows worse & worse. He pushes everyone away in the Ocean Saga, to the point that his crew of 10 years starts to doubt him! He already "can hardly sleep" in the Circe Saga. The Underworld Saga almost destroys him and it only gets worse from there!

In the Underworld Odysseus is confronted with Polites' love for him. His desire for him to get better. His hope for Odysseus to find peace/happiness.

Polites loved him soooo much, his Final Thoughts were concern for his friend. (Then Ody gets to hear from his mom, who loved him so much she died waiting for his return)

No wonder it breaks him.

[Anyways, if you wanna see my (much shorter) post over how the Wisdom Saga basically argues for/confirms Polites' philosophy Was RIGHT, you can find it here]

[tiyoin]

Taking a step back from twisted singer reader (I'll be back). I really want to expand/give origins ideas to the group chat(s?). Like how reader got the phone, how they got added and other things. Btw love who added that

With that said I'm starting a new agenda: ✨Grandfather Mozus Trein :D✨ Everyone knows that Crowley is *cough* neglectful & irresponsible *cough* always there for his students and never once put himself first 🤠. I feel like reader low-key reminds Trein of Anastasia (red hair) ya know? Maybe it's how reader plays with their hair when they start getting bored or the doodles on the written exams. All these little habits they share. Just an old man missing his family.

Someone has to be a responsible adult for reader and who else is better then a father with so much wisdom. He knows Yuu has a way of communicating and protecting himself so he isn't as concerned ,but poor reader can't do that to save their life :(

So I can see Trein giving them(mostly reader) a phone (B4 book 4). It's nothing new or special; it has an old blue case with a fading pattern and skuffs. The best part about it is Trein paying the bill. The wallpaper is changed to Grimm napping tho

It's kinda an unspoken rule that reader keeps it for the most part. With Yuu and all the things he tends to get into it would last a week if he was lucky.

More then likely the only numbers in the phone are Aduce/ maybe the other first years and Trein ,but I don't really see any of them be texters tbh. So not much coming in. Maybe a few homework questions??

As for apps a see maybe 2-ish games 👁️👄➖

Over all, it's just a classic antisocial person's phone. Until Cater finds out. Next time Yuu has the phone Carter tells him what should be added and how to #sign up for them. And Yuu being the person he is asks "Cater how do I help my introvert make friends?" Cater being the #helpful upperclassmen is he downloads the app and sends the invite.

The app they use is probably the twst discord. I think that's the only social idia has/honestly uses Some of them has like a cover for the icon. Like no one can know they use that app for whatever reason.

Everyone besides reader kinda knows what account belongs to which person. To add a bit of anonymous(ness?). Cuz no way would reader give her honest opinion about Rook or someone else if she knew that they themselves/close friends are in the chat.

Imagine if one of the guys that reader doesn't get along with ends up being one of reader's close/safe online friend. Like idk if you know who Aphmau is but she has a Minecraft roleplay PDH (don't judge me plss) where Aph and Aaron don't like each other irl but are really close online friends.

I'm sorry if my asks tend to be all over the place. I get sided tracked a lot and end up spacing out every 10 works. This was written between 3-5ish am. Also 👉👈 I think the reason we're on the same brain wave is cuz we're air signs.

Also thank you for liking/replying to my ask/yapping ☺️ it's means a lot to me

I've been waiting to get a Mac charger just to answer this ask🤭

GRANDFATHER TREIN IS SOMETHING I DID NOT KNOW I NEEDED BUT GLAD I GOT

because we always see crewel v crowley for custody over yuu.

but I defiantly agree with you that trein would see one of his daughters; especially anastasia in reader. whether it's by a few habits they both share, or how they're sometimes second fiddle to their more out going companion. but trein can see reader's life falling into shambles the more they're in twisted wonderland, the more they're isolated, and it kills him as both a father and educator.

and believe it or not, he cares about his students. they may not think so and curse him in the hallways, but they'll be thanking him in years to come, they always do (he prides himself in that, and the line of students he has at reunions telling him they're the best teacher they ever had.)

so maybe he pulls reader aside after class, ofc he can tell how tense they are, how nervous they are... especially by how intense their eye contact is, a little creepy but trein understands. he tells them to sit down in a chair he magically spawned as he flicks his head at lucien. who is all too glad to use you as a chair. he can see reader visibly relax as they're testing the water's with the temperamental feline, but trein starts talking.

he wants to help them, as he wouldn't be doing his job as an educator if he just stood by and watched you struggle. how he would have failed the pledge he made to crowley and himself if he let one os his students fall under the radar in favor for his smarter ones.

yes that should sting but it's the truth, and to no fault of your own. you obviously had... less than stupor teaching before this, and you have to catch up on a decades worth of stuff due to your... situation. and he is willing to help you during both lunch hours and free period. he also recommends student tutors for this and is willing to work out some kind of deal between you and the tutors. he wants to see you succeed. not just to prove he can turn a pumpkin into a carriage, but because you deserve it.

maybe you're not so much like his biological daughter, but like his step daughter. the one with a soul of diamond but a heart of glass. and if reader ever needs someone trustworthy (and he emphasizes this) that isn't actively split-dying their hair in their thirties or prances around with a bird mask then he is always open.

no matter how burdenous they feel relying on him, or if they think the matters are silly. he will tell it to them straight. he also suggests talking to cater diamond of heartslabyul, that if anyone can help you make friends, its that chatterbox.

dont even try to refute it cause trein AND lucien will be sporting you an unimpressed look.

but I swear to everything cater has a fucking NOSE- a sniffer if you would for introverts. or he has mastered chenya's invisibility spell and over heard your conversation because- I AGREE WITH YOU- yuu would 100% ask cater to help his little ol' introvert make friends.

so he seeks them out, grabs their phone while chatting away, and downloads 'magi cord' dw yuu is there too. cater even goes a step further and adds his contact to their phone because 'tehe he has the elusive reader's number and no body else does! #1inamillion #hewon! #he'sgonnaextrovertsohardit'llmakeyourheadspin 😼

but later that night you're fighting to go on the app when cater sends you a link, the second message he sends you (with 'hey hey! it's your fav upper classmen cay-cay here!' with an obnoxious amount of emojis, being the first)

it's a link to a magi cord group chat called; raven of secrets. (or smthn idk, I pulled that out of my ass) and he explains that the whole point of that group chat is to remain anonymous. there's a handful of members from different dorms and that's all you're supposed to know.

they talk about gossip, homework, assignments etc. the more he talks about it the more it sounds like a secret society. but nonetheless, you join.

and all hell breaks loose 🤭

personally I think that only a few people know who is who in the chat group. like the organizer because they gotta make sure everyone who has the link is an nrc student. and obviously there's a few friends who gave other people the link or joined together. but there's also active polls where people debate who is who.

just so it gives them the extra comfort of anonymity.

IMAGINE SOME ADMITS TO STALKING POOR READER AND IT TURNS INTO A THRILLER AHHHH (everyone knows who rook is. not because of his French, but because of his detailed posts)

--

NO CAUSE I WAS ALSO AN APHMAU FAN HAHAHAH I used to eat her role plays up. but watching them now... they're super cringe and I can barely watch an episode of phoenix drop high 😭

and dont even worry about it 'being all over the place because I am literally like that and it's so fun being able to bounce all over the place hehe

AND YAY ANOTHER AIR SIGN😽

[sailorspica]

dare i argue...

kenny has a very interesting, consistent morality that isn't all that aberrant compared to most of AoT's main cast.

he is our main source of ackerman lore, whose fallen status within the walls directly telegraphs the position of eldia in the larger world, so on closer inspection, kenny, levi, and mikasa are more than a bit analogous to grisha and the warriors. in kenny's case, i think most of the elder jaegers. hear me out:

my ongoing beef with the uprising arc anime adaptation includes this scene with kenny's grandfather. confoundingly, WIT cut significant length from grandpa's explanation about the ackermans' persecution at the hands of the MPs, but gave kenny a line that... is ghostwritten by zeke jaeger.

in the manga, kenny discouraged kuchel from carrying levi to term for reasons he doesn't verbalize (snk 65)

in the anime (aot 43), my subtitles say "I swear, ain't no point being born in a craphole world like this where there's not a single dream worth pursuing."

the dubbed line is "who'd want to be born into this piece of shit world anyway? there isn't a dream you could have worth suffering through it."

btw i think WIT giving kenny like, 5x more lines with the word "dream" is fucking cheesy and childish; i could see how this mindset is challenged immediately by carla in bystander, but does kenny have to be the one to say it? we get that from historia and alma and ymir already! plenty of characters express thoughts of regretting being born, but this and zeke's are particular to eldians and ackermans, not individuals

but what grandpa ackerman says about this "deal" between the ackerman patriarch and the crown echoes grisha and zeke's propaganda bedtime stories. the first generation born within the walls hoped that ignorance would spare future ackermans, and eldians left behind when the walls went up hoped compliance would save them from... paradise, conscription, what have you. historical omission and revision: neither fucking worked! that ackerman patriarch died pointlessly, every eldian sacrificed to marley's imperialism from foot soldiers in the trenches to the warriors and proto-warriors, ksaver's generation and older, died pointlessly.

much like the warriors, i don't think any of the above excuses or downplays kenny's wrongdoings, but contextualizes them:

he's a serial killer

as far as we know his Ripping was mostly MPs. as of this scene in ch. 65, the latest were lurking outside a dying old man's home, whether that means they monitored the eldest living ackerman closely, or they were there to jump kenny. point is, killing cops is uhhhhh cool. i don’t care he becomes one himself later. the old 2nd wave feminist adage of “the personal is political” applies to any gender, really, and we should all take police violence against vulnerable populations personally, so whether you frame kenny’s kill count before joining the MPs as self-defense or vengeance, there’s a net positive of fewer MPs terrorizing the streets of the interior and the underground.

he abandoned and/or abused levi

my guess is without his anime-only Zekeism™, kenny’s concern before levi's birth is more specific to kuchel’s circumstances, and also informs his abandonment:

raising a child would make kuchel’s life even more difficult;

the underground and moreover a brothel are no place to raise a child;

as his reaction to levi not knowing his last name goes, living as an ackerman is a curse unto itself (the zeke and ksaver conclusion), even if kenny’s relationship with uri has improved his circumstances;

my most charitable and extracanonical thought for this man is… i wonder what happened to his and kuchel’s own parents. how else do you lose track of your sister like this? did they feel abandoned themselves? did kenny already doubt kuchel would live long or be strong enough to protect a child (maternal mortality, which fellow MP nile dawk brings up in 108)? when he said “i’m not cut out to be some kid’s father,” did he also think that of kuchel? or did he think he also failed as an older brother—kenny and kuchel as grisha and faye...

we only get kenny’s POV of his time with levi, which lasts about five pages of chapter 69. my point is, levi whump revisionism tends to give him annie leonhart's canonical childhood, for which there is no evidence in chapter 69 or in bad boy.

of course, filling the blanks of kenny's pedagogy is grim, and popular fanon isn't unreasonable at all. there's no nonviolent way to teach violence, which kenny calls "the only tool he had" and likely thought of as the only thing he could offer levi. removing levi from the underground didn't seem to cross his mind, either, which could point to a pessimism that people kill people, above and below—the ackermans were wiped out on the surface, after all. but i actually find the understanding of their relationship to the royal family as feudal in the japanese sense helpful here: would bringing him along set levi's path for him, one in service to the reisses? cruel as it was, kenny guaranteed levi's freedom.

he's a cop

okay, this is where the manga gets a little ambiguous/inconsistent with chronology. when kenny gets the anti-personnel squad, he says he’s “never been part of the military before”—he’s actually following levi’s footsteps here, a criminal recruit far outclassing these graduates of the cadet corps. however, to historia, he identifies himself as part of the first interior squad in 845. the fuck?

what is more certain is after he meets uri and becomes his bodyguard 😏, he joins this "assembly" or "council" of nobles and wallists. "bodyguard" does not sound like a role in which kenny would wander the walls doing extrajudicial murder like sannes. when levi and hange interrogate sannes, he proudly lists his own resume (snk 55), which includes killing armin’s parents, erwin’s father, and historia’s mother (the 2nd worst thing to be in the walls is blond), so besides alma, kenny doesn't seem to be included in these panels of the first interior squad "bloodying [their] hands" for peace within the walls.

i think a reasonable conclusion is kenny joined the first interior squad after uri's death in 842, and this squad is so elusive as to be legendary to the average MP. there is probably some translation subtlety with "squad" and "section, " so my understanding is the anti-personnel squad is either part of the first interior squad, or an elite, separate but affiliated group much like levi's special operations squad.

i think of kenny in these three years as unmoored much like iseyama describes levi after shiganshina; the main thing guiding him seems to be his disdain for rod reiss, since he has no hard feeling against frieda. dare i say... rod is kenuri's zeke?

besides his worry for kuchel and debatable care for levi, kenny does, actually, express some of the humanitarianism that motivates his nephew, also in chapter 65 and also excluded from the anime adaptation:

"how much WE lost in those five years?! how many precious lives?!" "he don't give two shits about any of it! not his his family, not humanity, and certainly not you, historia!!

like, HELLO? who is he referring to? the residents of wall maria? the culling that killed armin's grandfather? historia's half-siblings? hell—trost and stohess, mere months ago? i think he's being genuine! this isn't a token, empty phrase, tugging at historia's heartstrings. a killer can value life, i don't think that's that crazy a thing to propose, least of all in attack on titan and least of all in the uprising arc where levi squad kills other humans (also all cops).

kenny's narration in chapter 69 and episode 47 revolves around power. his respect for uri starts from acknowledging him as "the strongest guy around," which echoes over the moment he abandons levi—he's done his level best to teach levi to be the strongest underground, and his philosophy of proving yourself to be the strongest or most powerful doesn't belie a sense of superiority over the weak or any desire to rule; it's the logical conclusion of the oppressed. he thinks of himself as strong, but doesn't call kuchel weak, and his use of "we"—he counts himself part of humanity. his later ambition to steal the founder... makes him more similar to erwin. he just wants the knowledge, the view from up there.

but i think kenny is a little dishonest in chapter 58 before one of levi's coldest "yeah"'s of all time:

i'll kill anyone if that's what it takes to get the job done. ya kill too when it benefits ya, right?

for both men, this object "you" is not themselves as individuals, despite their posturing. it could really, really be humanity, for all three ackermans. mikasa, ten chapters prior:

there are only so many lives i can value, and i decided who those people were six years ago, so you shouldn't try to ask for my pity. because right now, i don't have time to spare, or room in my heart.

and her series-long journey is excavating her heart for humanity. the common fandom complaint that she "only cares about eren" is, to me, similarly reductive as their view of kenny. characters can lie to themselves, or reveal they're more selfless than they thought.

in conclusion:

ACAB

WIT skipped a lot of exposition to animate an extra kenny-levi fight that doesn't even make sense spatially

of course he sucks! and so do the younger ackermans! but they all suck a lot less than they think they do

kenny is also historia's uncle by marriage, in my heart

someone draw him and zeke hanging out

[yelling-space]

CELESTE APPRECIATION post

I raerly see anyone mention her but i love her sm yes this is mostly like 98% hc shes only got like 5 lines in hole game what more do u want from me

anyways, my sweet sweet barely domesticated celeste :

-"Why did my husband come back with a child ,a dog ,a living skeleton, a man who can throw him around like he weights nothing and a knight(derogatory)" -Cahara's so wiped 4 her and honesty i would to if that was my wife, she def pegs him 2 btw i mean just look at him, my point exactly.

-gets along with Enki the most 2 everyone's surprise, there paper wight besties. & share a worrie for Cahara they will never verbalise as well a dislike for D'arc- i mean knights.

-celeste is d'arces first (and only) female friend, much to clestes own dismay.

-d'arce thought she was a gold digger at first, as you can tell they had a grate first impression of each other

-only trusts people about as far as she can throw them (rip rag , he can still man handle the group whore with ease tho so good for him)

-can not hold a convo with a child 2 save her life , the length of her mertanl intents extend to bringing the child 2 Cahara .

-she is not mother material but for some reason they're trying to keep a baby with a high infant mortality rate its funny

i think celeste probably didn't have great parents or a good role model, deadbeat drunkard parents that kicked her out and kind of left her to fend for herself & close of to the world and that's why she has such a disillusioned take on parenthood + where her own approach to children comes from but uh oh !! cahara wormed his way into her heart ! and who's to say his clear and utter devotion to this little girl cant win her over either i dont think either her or Cahara were going out of their way to get pregnant - it's like an unfortunate by-product of the nature of Celeste's career, and Cahara's love for her being what led to him being so willing to step up. i don't think either of them ever really thought about having kids, or at least didn't think they'd be good parents, but celeste getting pregnant or cahara bringing back a child is just the way life ended up going. it's the renaissance era, abortion methods are on par with childbirth in terms of deadliness anyway. she's just not going to have to keep risking her life via pregnancy if cahara goes out, gets enough coin to support them both, she's not going to be like every other peasant woman who's forced to become a broodmare because every 1 in 2 children fucking die before they turn 5. clesest being pregnant is just what ended up happening. the love in that is to do with their RELATIONSHIP, not their love for some idealistic family life. i think cahara wanting to give it a try is something celeste would think is really sweet and admirable, but she'd probly keep a lot of her more cynical thoughts to herself on the matter.

saying that i think they both have a lot of cynical thoughts about it really, but i cahara goes so quickly into "this is my wife, this is our future baby" because otherwise what's the point in taking on such a risky mission in the first place ? but if he's got a noble cause, then it might seem worth it, right ? it's that extra push of encouragement for him, even if it comes with a lot of scary things like the responsibility, being a parent, maybe settling down witch is a scary thought for someone whos always so used 2 being on the move

as for celeste ; she doesn't even know if she's going to make it through the pregnancy, or if the baby will. it's just another mouth to feed at the end of the day. she doesn't care about carrying on a legacy, or raising a child into greatness like so many others beg and plead of god to bestow upon their children. she knows she'd be a shit mom and she's hardly a loyal partner at the moment. but she loves cahara, and seeing that fear in his eyes when she told him, but also that spark of light, that little bit of joy, made it at least worth holding on for.

celeste: it's probably not going to make it anyway, i either risk death in childbirth or death in abortion methods, so. celeste: its getting me enough bank rn to keep myself healthy so we'll just see what happens i guess celeste watching cahara bring home an entire child:

okay cringe time over. i wont go into 2much detail about her relationship with the others though i think its a very slow process of her learning to tolerate get along with the creatures friends cahara brought back -as soon as celeste meets d'arce her mild suspicion and distaste for ragnvaldr will be replaced with her disgust for d'arce -think celeste would be pissed she wouldn't be able 2 pull cahara out of ragnvaldrs grip unless she stabbed him or something, witch shes both angry about it but also relieved since it probably kept cahara out of trouble in the dungeon (because lord knows her husband is a magnet for trouble) inside me there are 2 wolfs ; one is mmm hot stong wife carry cahara like a sack of pataos , the other is screaming at me that this is the 1600 and she would be starving and poor. so to compromise with myself im going 2 say : - physical speaking celsest is probly stronger then most women in her profession and could probly drag an unconscious cahara around then againg i also think cahras way ligher then someone of his build&carear should be shes stronger then enki (then againg who isnt) but cant match d'arces physical strength. saying that modern au Celeste would beat d'arce in an arm wrestle.

in-refence 2 my last post; celest is a child darkness, she has a barbie killer husband,there for. she deserves to be as much hater as she likes d'arce: you two are the healthiest couple i know who still have an avid sex life cahara: ASSUMPTIONS ! celeste: we're the only couple you know.

acholic wise i think celeste could out drink d'arce (and at least keep up with ragnvaldr for a little bit)

celeste: d'arce is a pain in the ass cahara: :confustion: :stress_smile: she means well babe cmon celeste: im gonna beat her with a stick cahara: ,, babe,,

cleseste is not payed enough 2 be d'arces therpist or help d'arce figure out she likes women (shes not payed at all actuly,she is simply trying 2 tolrate her husbands new freinds becuse she loves him but also only has so meny braincells she can lose in a day and conversing with d'arce seems 2 kill all of them)

celeste hears d'arce talk about jeanne once and instantly starts going "wow you loved a girl wow that girl who was like you in every way wow that girl who like. shared your morals. or something. wow tell me more about that girl" (stab stab stab metaphorically stab stab stab)

(about cahara getting arrsed and taken by the police) rag: you lack of concern,,, concerns me. are you not worried ? celeste: dogs always find their way back home.

- d'arce and cahara make the same enamoured and light-blush expression whenever celeste rages btw - celeste :handshake: enki taking the piss out of knights + a generally more cynical outlook on life & being cold bitches that secretly care about cahara a lot

(first time they all stayed the night) enki learning hes the favorite for once and he thinks its just the most hilarious thing to fucking happen local woman-lover put out by being rejected by hot scary wife, local berserker intimidated by what scary wife might do if she finds out what he did to her precious boytoy local shadow wizard ? on the floor ugly laughing because scary wife reluctantly asked if he wanted the guest bedroom.

celeste: YOURE NOT STAYING HERE PERMANENTLY. but youre allowed to stay overnight. enki: is this (gags) kindness ? oh my god. revolting. celeste: is that a yes or not you fucking worm enki: yesplease

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Time the Series - Episode 1

Another time traveling show. This time by expectations are basically on the floor.

So before I say anything here's the official synopsis: Foam, a famous actor, saw Chris, the lover, killed in front of him by the police. But fate gives Foam a chance to go back and correct the past for what he did wrong, causing Chris's death. When a mysterious man gives a clock that can travel back in time to Foam, will Foam be able to fix the past and save a lover's life? Only time will prove it! MDL You can watch it on YT, Gaga. Uncut on WeTV.

I watch the cut version, if anyone watches the full version please let me know what I missed. Not that I'm all that invested but still. This is basically a "I watched it so you don't have to" type of review so obviously, all spoilers from here on. Skip to the end for my short review.

We begin with a police chase that ends with Chris being caught but then there's a sniper and he gets shot. Very exciting already.

Cut to Foam waking up in bed and promptly pouring himself red wine while he cries and reflects on his lost love. Warning for singing and guitar playing in flashback.

The next day he's passed out and won't answer his phone and everyone is very upset, cause he's an actor and there's a lot of people waiting for him to shoot a commercial. There's already a war of managers happening btw. The one in pink is Foam's manager, the other one wants to be his manager. I'll be calling her the bad manager from here on for reasons which will become obvious.

So eventually he arrives and they shoot a commercial for some skin product that is amazing for the skin if we believe the people that show up to help Foam with his lines, cause the boy is struggling.

And apparently it's his birthday and he makes the weirdest call to his mum to ask her to wish happy birthday and the subs have the mom saying "Hello, dear" but there's actually no sound from the other side of the conversation. Amazing.

After this the drama really begins. And I mean there's so much happening and none of it is good.

So really quickly: - Birthday party where Foam is the DJ and there is some really bad dance acting happening. - The bad manager drugs Foam and assaults him and is interrupted by the good manager. - The two managers insult each other in front of passed out Foam and a physical fight ensues. Slap, screaming, slap, insult, slap, begging, more slapping. This is all very dramatic btw, almost lakorn level dramatic. Glass on the floor, bad manager picks it up and stabs the good manager. - Bad manager's bodyguards take her and Foam wakes up with the bloody glass shard on his hand.

Panic sets in, everyone comes and for some reason some dude is filming this whole thing. And we get our second police chase of the episode. This time Foam is the one doing the running.

Foam hides in a dark ally where he meets a stranger with a shining pink necklace that invites him to his place and of course he goes, because why not?

Then he recognizes the necklace/watch because he gave his boyfriend one that looks exactly like it. And then this:

Guy in alley - gives Foam pink shiny watch - dead boyfriend appears.

They immediately jump each other, as you do when all of a sudden your dead boyfriend is in front of you again, and Foam wakes up thinking it was all a dream. But was it? I have no idea.

Foam wakes up, hits himself, hurts himself and wonders why he's in his old apartment. He goes outside and it's five years before Chris died. The end.

So... to recap. I don't even know what to say. This is from MFlow, the same company that brought us the mess that was Beyond The Star so my expectations were really low.

With that said, I can't in good conscience tell any of you to watch this. It's not good. From the previews it seems Foam is going to meet Chris all over again except he won't remember him. Fun times all over again. I'll be honest. I probably won't be watching this, but come next tuesday if I have nothing better to do I might check it out. Depends how much I remember the experience and how curious I get about how they will deal with the time traveling. I obviously have not learned my lesson.

If anyone watches it please let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading.💜

[pokamocha]

So I was rewatching WOY again, and I realized something during The Ball episode (S1 Ep13b).

There’s probably a post somewhere years ago pointing this out, but idc—I want to, "put that passion on the paper!"

Spoilers btw!

We all know why Wander helps, “The helper seeks to help because he knows what it is like to be helpless” (The Wanders, S2 Ep4a). He went through something so life-changing—most likely traumatic—that it ironically helped him become the Wander we know and love.

Now during The Ball episode (S1 Ep13b) after Beeza explains how this doomsday is basically routine at this point and before they all board the ship, Wander gives a speech:

“Y'all have put so much work into this pretty little planet. Don't you want to try and save it? I know you're scared of Buster, but if you keep running, that's all you're ever gonna be doing! You have a chance to change that. You just have to turn and face your problems head-on!”

“…but if you keep running, that's all you're ever gonna be doing! You have a chance to change that.”

He says that while looking at his hat longingly as if this situation reminded him of a bad memory.

I genuinely believe Wander started out as fearful.

I believe he ran away and hid at the first sign of danger when he was much younger, immature and inexperienced because he didn’t have a chance to save or defend what he had. He lost something very dear and precious to him—whether that be his family or his home-planet (or both), we may never know.

However, how he reacted to those bouncing phantom mimes in The Heebie Jeebies episode (S2 Ep19b) proves my point. Wander’s first instinct when encountering danger or something scary is to scream, run away and/or hide—and at times freeze in place.

Usually he’s able to override that stress response throughout the show if there’s someone needing help, “When I see someone who’s a-needin’, I just gotta help!” (The Fugitives, S1 Ep2b). Take the episode The Pet (S1 Ep4) as an example of this.

Wander nervously searches the ship for anyone alive only to encounter an arachnomorph he lovingly christened Captain Tim. His first reaction is to scream, and it doesn’t sound like an excited scream either.

Only after he gets tackled does he collect himself and switches gears from being afraid to being ready to help because he changed how he looked at the creature.

At first, he saw Captain Tim as this terrifying monster (he even admits to Sylvia that he knew Captain Tim is dangerous later in the episode, twice) before almost immediately doing a 180 degree and choosing to see Captain Tim as an abandoned pet that needs tender love and care.

It's not just this episode either. The Greatest (S1 Ep1a) shows how scared he is of Lord Hater when they first officially meet until he chooses to—not only help the planet's residences—but to also learn more about Hater so he can help him later down the line.

The Search for Captain Tim (S2 Ep19a) is another example when he shows up with a wanted flyer knowing full well that the creature is carnivorous and remembering what Captain Tim tried to do to him.

It’s even more apparent during the last episode of season 2, The End of the Galaxy, where Wander is terrified of Lord Dominator yet tries to continue befriending her despite his fear and despite what she says and does.

He's able to get through his fear if it means helping someone in the process.

We also know that Wander seems obsessed with the idea of helping others to an alarming and unhealthy degree. Being unable to not help someone in need gives him anxiety that builds up over a short amount of time until he can’t take it anymore and gives into his immense desire to help (The Fugitives, S1 Ep2b).

Even when he was sick during The Sick Day (S2 Ep20a), he still tries to help when it impedes on his own health and well-being.

Since he’s over 1000 years old, he most likely lost that chance to rewrite or make amends with what he originally went through that made him feel helpless in the first place—and I wouldn’t doubt it if he regrets it deep down or thinks bringing up his past is unimportant since nothing can be done anymore.

Heck, Sylvia calls him, “a man of mystery,” in The Waste of Time (S2 Ep17b) which later when they both successfully end the time loop it erases that interaction from existence. Wander doesn't disclose what exactly happened to him to be helpless in The Wanders (S2 Ep4a).

He chooses not to go into detail about his past.

Going back to The Ball (S1 13b) episode, he doesn’t just give a speech and tries to help because that's the right thing to do. He tries to help because he sees how the Ballzarians were choosing to lose their chance by willfully fleeing from their home-planets because of Buster, and Wander could not accept that.

"Whew! I wouldn't want someone else to go through what I went through" (The Wanders, S2 Ep4a).

He needed to help them because he himself was not helped.

Having to watch someone else go through the same experience was devastating for him. That's why he took control of the ship and crashed landed it on Buster.

Unlike the Ballzarians, I believe he did not have anyone in his life to help him when he was helpless, nor provide the opportunity to make a change in his circumstances.

He had to become his own helper.

In The Wanders episode (S2 Ep4a) when Sylvia finds the last Wander to complete himself again, the little Wander is terrified and cowering in the corner. He doesn't trust her until she reassures him, "It's okay, I won't hurt you." This reaction from Wander only makes sense if he was used to not receiving help.

Now, I’m sure as Wander helped others, they helped him back (some probably didn’t and took advantage of him). However, Sylvia was the first person who—not only reciprocated that same love and care he tends to show towards everyone—but also the first person to stay by his side afterwards. She became his new home.

We know how the two met in The Waste of Time (S2 Ep17b), but we don’t know how they became enemies to best friends. But, I genuinely believe Wander’s kindness played a part in softening Sylvia’s heart.

With all this said, I believe he started out as a coward, then became a stereotypical hero, until finally being transformed into the wandering helpy helperson we know and love today.

Or I'm reading waaaaaaay too much into a silly little cartoon about helping others and self-improvement from a decade ago idk tHat’S jUst a tHeoRY lmao

Anyways, thank y’all for coming to my TedTalk—expect more WOY art in the near future! 👋🧡

[toasterhasabucket]

Just finished part 20

WHAT THE FUCK tw spoilers? Idk, I'm behind btw OH ALSO TW I TALK ABT HIS PARENTS AND THE POEM (ifykyk) and suicide so please if that makes you uncomfortable don't read this I talk about it a lot

okay first of all, kayne, hi? You're new that's cool, when I hear your name all I think about is rasing canes, the chicken strip place, so I image you as a yellow lab covered in blood with a rasing canes hat on.

secondly. The poem. Holy fuck, Arthur. Don't be relatable, you can't do this to me you can't I don't want to be twinsies! As someone who had a parent who committed, I AM DYING. I AM DEAD. Arthur, GOD WHY Arthur Arthur my sweet sweet wet twing rat thing of a man I love you. I am glad I was with a friend while listening to this, if I wasn't I wouldn't have been able to finish the episode today because I would still be BAWLING ABOUT THE POEM. I will never get over this.

Okay also. John bye? Come back please?? Please for the love of God come back

Was Arthur thrown in a fucking dessert after trying to commit??

Speaking of John trying to commit. His parents committed- before hand before they got in the pits Arthur was talking about if he needed too he'd end himself just in case that it could "save John" (something along those lines) and just NOW figuring out that he thought about killing himself, the only thing I can think about is how much he must of thought of his parents in that moment. (Probably speaking more biased than I should but I don't think I'd be too painfully off) Thinking of ending your own life while knowing your parents has done the same thing brings a strange, horrible, and repeating feeling.

Okay I can't talk about that anymore CARRYING ON

John. John come back please please please please I miss you

Arthur don't die please please please please please please please please please please please

[ashyjingles]

Who is the raeken

THEO RAEKEN FROM TEEN WOLF AKA ONE OF THE SADDEST BITCHES IVE EVER SEEEEEN

(tbh with the way u like jason grave i have a feeling u might like theo too actually)

okay so massive spoiler warning if you ever do plan on watching teen wolf everything is under the cut just in case

OKAY SO (i could be so wrong about some of this stuff btw i haven't actually finished the show)

theo raeken had some sort of heart condition as a kid so when he was 8 or 9 these evil scientists showed up in his dreams/house and told him he could live a normal healthy life because his sister (who was about a year older than him) actually wanted to give him her heart!! all he had to do was bring her to a bridge over a very cold river/creek/stream in the middle of winter and watch as she froze to death in it. (i'm unsure if it was him or the evil doctors that pushed her in there, but he did watch her die and did nothing to save her) (he later defended his actions by saying he still believed santa at the time and didn't know she would actually die from it but he's a known manipulative little shit) and then he basically got a heart transplant after that

anyways the evil scientist doctors (called the dread doctors) then used science to turn him into an off brand werewolf through many very questionable processes that probably didn't include anesthetic. vivisection! woo!

anyways he grew up with them in the sewers for nearly a decade while the doctors experimented on other science-natural teenagers but none of them actually lived and were labeled "failures" but somehow theo? the first experiment? was successful all those years. so. anyways that happened until they decided to start their big massive project that would basically make theo useless

so naturally theo took on his own big project that involved taking down the main protagonist of the series through lots of manipulation and seeming like a helpful good mostly normal 17/18 year old boy just to turn around and kill one of them (who was resurrected like 5 minutes later so it doesn't count) and lots more betraying and leaving for dead involving other people. honestly it's a miracle there was so little death surrounding him in this era

anyways when that didn't work he resurrected some of the failures and basically went along the lines of "i saved you so i own you now" and then killed some of them for real. and then the main protagonists needed a way to stop him so they sent him to what was basicallyyyy hell (i think before this he helped killing the doctors?? i'm not sure i haven't actually watched that bit. the doctors are dead at this point in time tho)

anyways in hell his sister routinely chased him through a hospital and ripped his heart out in this fucked up time loop. imagine sisyphus but worse. fields of punishment type deal. (very popular quote where he tells her "you don't have to stop" while he's like fucking coughing up blood or something)

anyways because of another big bad the protagonists were facing one of them decided to pull him out of hell (his name is liam and they are very commonly shipped together. there are some rumors they were meant to be canon in the show but weren't) and basically decided to label theo as his responsibility but their relationship was very punchy for a long while

anyways theo goes through a lot of shit and despite previously very clearly only caring for himself he lowkey contradicts everything he says ("im not dying for you!"-theo "im not dying for you either! but i will... fight with you"-liam (and then theo proceeds to throw himself directly into the line of fire to save liam the lying liar)) (would also like to note the place they are at for this era is the hospital and theo very clearly is Not Okay with the reminders of his time in hell. traumatized bitch. i love him my little murderous meow meow.)

anyways they leave on not quite good terms but no longer murderous terms and theo lives in his truck for a while because the doctors are dead and he can't go back to sewers so he's effectively homeless.

anyways the guy he Kind Of Killed But Not Really then calls and says hey!! liam (the person who sort of tolerates him in exchange for help) needs help!! can you help him!!! and for whatever reason despite several months between the last big bad and this big bad theo still hasn't skipped town so he does in fact go help liam. and lots of scenes that set him on the path to a redemption arc (plus a better relationship with liam)

and then. that's the end of the show. i will now attach sad and bleeding pictures of my murderous little meow meow to sway you toward feeling affection for him

and then the smug/evil look because he's not very vocal about being sad okay he's actually an intolerable little shit most of the time and that's why i love him

pinterest give me better photos of him damnit half of these are ass

we call his short hair his hedgehog hair and it's a very large indicator that he's evil thank you

can you see why i like him please tell me you see why i like him

pspsps i can give a much better and more detailed (and sadder) description if u want but i feel like this covers the basics

[jacksprostate]

Howdy jacksprostate can you give us some thoughts on the narrators father/upbringing? Im curious on how you interpret what the book/movie gave us in terms of his absent dad

Also i love ur posts btw and thank you for replying to like all of my fight club art 😭 It genuinely pushes me to make more for the community so i thank you

Howdy :)

The narrator's father is an important, ever present, and completely lacking figure in the book and movie. (Obligatory disclaimer I mostly focus on the book) Here's some things I've been thinking about:

The chapter detailing fight club, its start, its rules, is intertwined with fatherhood. As the narrator explains his first punch with Tyler, as he looks upon his new disciples, as Tyler reads out the rules:

"Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer. 

Tyler never knew his father. 

Maybe self-destruction is the answer."

"Me, I knew my dad for about six years, but I don't remember anything. My dad, he starts a new family in a new town about every six years. This isn't so much like a family as it's like he sets up a franchise. 

What you see at fight club is a generation of men raised by women."

You have the lines, Tyler’s in the movie, the narrator’s in the book, you have:

"My father never went to college so it was really important I go to college. 

After college, I called him long distance and said, now what? 

My dad didn't know. 

When I got a job and turned twenty-five, long distance, I said, now what? My dad didn't know, so he said, get married. 

I'm a thirty-year-old boy, and I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer I need."

You have:

"Tyler was fighting his father. 

Maybe we didn't need a father to complete ourselves. There's nothing personal about who you fight in fight club." 

And you have his boss; his boss he blows up, Tyler constantly tells the narrator how he could do it, Tyler’s words come out against his boss about how he could shoot up the office, begging to be punished, using the copy machines, begging for more than nothingness; you have:

“The problem is, I sort of liked my boss.

If you’re male and you’re Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God. And sometimes you find your father in your career.

Except Tyler didn’t like my boss.”

You have: 

“I am Joe’s Broken Heart because Tyler’s dumped me. Because my father dumped me. Oh, I could go on and on.”

You have, Tyler’s words in the mechanic’s mouth:

“"Your father was your model for God.

…

If you’re male and you’re Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God. And if you never know your father, if your father bails out or dies or is never at home, what do you believe about God?

…

What you end up doing … is you spend your life searching for a father and God.

What you have to consider … is the possibility that God doesn’t like you. Could be, God hates us. This is not the worst thing that can happen."

How Tyler saw it was that getting God’s attention for being bad was better than getting no attention at all. Maybe because God’s hate was better than His indifference.

If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?

We are God’s middle children, according to Tyler Durden, with no special place in history and no special attention. 

Unless we get God’s attention, we have no hope of damnation or Redemption. 

Which is worse, hell or nothing?

Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved.”

And we have Tyler using paraffin, so the narrator can be in Heaven, chided by God.

So like, what does it all mean?

A generation of men raised by women. His dad franchises, he’s not sure if another woman is really what we need. Men with no male models. Men with shit fucking fathers who are fighting them with impersonal proxies. Men who know they're destroying themselves because they have no constructive examples to follow because every single man just fails every son.

And that IS important. It's important to note there is misogyny in the fact that men demand male idols and refuse to even borrow women, but can I condemn them for the same thing I know matters to myself? Can I condemn them for wanting to see men who aren't shit, when I want to see women who aren't shit, when I want to see both not fucking failing their children? Shit fathers fuck over everyone, I don't think it's wrong to see that problem. It's classic male to say it by implying women are lesser, so fucking classic, but it IS true — they're in large part like this because men fucking fail everyone including each other and themselves. There is a gaping, wide fucking asshole where decent men should be, and they’re throwing fits about it rather than stepping up, but I think it’s notable that the narrator DID break the cycle. He’s not franchising. 

And man, the Christian thing. Your father is your model for God because that is the point. Patriarchal religion serves a damn purpose. The father anoints himself as God, tells his children to have unbreakable faith, then disappears. What a shit fucking father. Isn’t disillusionment inevitable? When you can’t find him in his petty figures, not in your father, not in your boss?

Truth is, he says it twice. He likes his boss. As a person maybe. He’s around. But he’s absent too. He doesn’t give a shit. Just like his fucking father, he’s putting him in shit situations, telling him that’s just how it is, and expecting him to, what, be happy with it?

He likes his boss, but a part of him really wants to kill him. He likes his boss, but he begs his boss to do something, anything other than indifference. And he doesn’t. So the narrator invents his own boss, his own father, his own God, and he kills his boss, and he’d kill God and his father if they weren’t already practically dead and gone. 

Dead and gone, even if they're there, he could beg them to care and they wouldn't. Society is set up for them to be the ultimate judgement, the hallmark by which you can measure yourself, the ruler for your fucking life, especially as a guy. And you get nothing. Indifference at best. Be the best son, disciple, worker you can, your boss God father doesn't give a shit. Self improvement isn't the answer. Wouldn't it be better, to know God, your father, your boss cared enough even if it's just to hate you?

Wouldn't it be great to track him down, tell God, "I am stupid and bored and weak, but I am still your responsibility."

He externalizes all that violence, it’s always Tyler who wants to kill his boss, who says he wants to be God’s enemy. And Tyler is his stand in boss father God, so just like the others, he leaves him. Even his fantasies can’t imagine better. 

And honestly, yeah. Myself, I’ve got a pretty good dad. He loves me. He’s been around. I still hate his guts. He abuses my mom and I hate his fucking guts for it. If you asked my brothers, maybe they wouldn’t have that “but”. What he does to my mom is so baked into society that he may as well be a five star father. He’s not beating us. He’s still here. Can it really get better? I have friends that love their dads. But I don’t have any friends that love their dads that don’t have shit moms. When it’s not the choice between bad and worse. The bar is so low. What does that mean for us?

It’s so easy to point at all this and be disturbed and angry about this pathetic fucking white man letting his daddy issues result in terrorism, and like, yeah. But god, fucking everyone has daddy issues, and we shouldn’t. He’s right that it’s a problem. What to fucking do.

Fight Club sits as a “how to NOT deal with several major crippling problems in society,” obviously. But what are we doing to do? It’s not up to me, obviously. I’m not a man, father, not even someone who could raise her standards for the man she partners with, because I don’t do that shit. And hell, you raise your standards and men say you’re killing them and shoot up all the women in an engineering class because jobs are making them too uppity. So. It’s up to them, whether they decide that the fallout of having such a shit father means they should, I don’t know, change something. But as it is, father as God, boss as father is baked into society, the paternalism is extensive and everywhere. It’s baked in.

The narrator is a product of so many issues. A little clown car of a vehicle for them. I don’t really need to consciously think about what his upbringing and absent dad was like, because really, as he accurately assesses, “if his parents weren’t divorced, his father was never home, and here he’s looking at me with half my face clean shaved and half a leering bruise hidden in the dark. Blood shining on my lips. And maybe Walter’s thinking about a meatless, painfree potluck he went to last weekend or the ozone or the Earth’s desperate need to stop cruel product testing on animals, but he’s probably not.” 

Most people, on an overwhelming scale, due to how the world is damn designed, do not need to consciously think about what his upbringing and absent dad was like, because damn if it’s not relevant even if your dad was home.

[andysdrafts]

OK, so second try because Tumblr apparently hates me (get in line fr)

imma rant about characters, yes in plural because you asked and I don't know when to stop yapping

BTW, this is an answer to @queenpiranhadon because Tumblr erased the ask when I tried to post the first attempt 😒

(Also, I'm sorry if there's any grammar mistakes in here, English isn't my first language)

First and foremost, Portgas D. Ace, my boy, there will never be a day when I don't think about him and cry my soul out. Ace is a character that was doomed from the start, he never had a chance to a normal life, never. He was doomed and tied by the actions of other people and forced to live with them as if they were his own. He was persecuted before he was even born. He was a victim of the circumstances he was brought in. Garp took him in only to leave him with a group of bandits who later on threw him to the forest to learn to fend for himself. Ace only knew how to fight, kick and scowl until the age of ten, completely isolated with only the figure of an absent grandpa and a group of bandits that, while not exactly violent, were still bandits.

Now, I'm not saying Garp or Dadan and the bandits didn't love Ace, because they did, but not in the way Ace needed to be loved. Ace was a troubled boy, it ran in his veins and the hatred and anger came to him as natural as breathing. He hated himself for being born, hated his existence and it rot away his soul, even as a child. He met Luffy and Sabo, and while the other two didn't make all of his problems go away, they did help Ace soften up and understand that not everything shall be felt through violence and bloody hands. He still hated himself, but he learned how to socialise to some extent and felt care for others, even if he didn't feel himself cared for or worthy of said affection.

Then Sabo died, and Ace HAD to understand that he couldn't exactly be rude, not to the people he cared about, so he softened a bit more as he officially took on the role of big brother to Luffy, no longer seeing him as a complete nuisance but as someone he wanted to protect and care for, hence why he went down to town when Luffy got injured to look (steal) medicine. Both of them grew up and Ace set sail to the Ocean searching for his own adventure, something that he could call HIS rather than something that would keep him tied to his father and the damned blood he hated. He wanted to be himself, desperate to be out of the shadow of Roger, something that would make him forget, even for a moment, that he was such a hated person across the world. He met Whitebeard and the Whitebeard pirates, and he found himself a home, a home where he was loved, cared for and appreciated no matter what he did or who he was. He found a real father in Whitebeard, someone who did not care how many times Ace retaliated and fought, someone who loved Ace the way Ace needed to be loved. And that same love sent Ace back to the dark place he came from.

He loved Whitebeard as his own father, and he couldn't tolerate the disrespect or disloyalty towards him because he felt like he owned something in exchange for being loved. He was always self sabotaging himself, with his hatred for himself and the situation he was in, the people who hated him, the whole world. He was never taught how to keep something good of his, and it's no surprise to me he relapsed into his own, personal pit of misery. He lived his life thinking he wasn't worth more than dirt due to who he came from, that he wasn't loved and even if he was, he still owed something in return for his cursed existence. I don't think he regrets dying in favour of saving Luffy, because he loved Luffy with his whole existence, what he did regret was never noticing how much he was loved and cared for until he died. That he had to die for him to see that he was appreciated and that he would be missed if he suddenly disappeared, that someone cared enough for him to go and declare war just to have him back, to have him safe.

Ace never stood a chance at having something good of his own, a normal life, because all he ever knew until his death was violence and his own self hatred that was engraved in his brain and clung to him like a second skin. Because he wasn't just made to show Luffy he wasn't ready for the hardships of the New World, but also to show dehumanising we can be with ourselves, and how more often than not we sabotage ourselves until we can't anymore, until we reach our ends and until no one can actually save us. No matter how much one person is loved, it won't matter in the end if said person can't see the love for them.

Second: Sanemi Shinazugawa. I've had the biggest obsession with this man and the longer I think of him the more I pick up on how traumatised he is. Again, another child victim of the circumstances he was raised and brought in. His father an abuser and his mother a lovely woman who loved her children over everything. Both of them left something to Sanemi before they passed, Shizu the love for his family, the immense heart the boy has even if he keeps it under wraps and Kyogo the rage, anger and hatred. Both of them coexist within Sanemi, clashing with the other and yet, complementing the other like a puzzle.

I always found it interesting because Sanemi has equal parts of both love and hatred to give, the same amount, like he's fifty-fifty. Growing up in an abusive home, whether it's emotional, physical or mental, destroys in hundreds of ways. Not only did Sanemi have to see his younger siblings and mother getting punched, kicked, or pushed around in ways that most definitely left bruises, but also, he most likely endured it as well. I have absolutely no doubt that he, in countless times just like his mom, put himself in the way of his father. I know my boy would've rather a zillion times be in the end of his father's anger than have any of his younger siblings or mother to get the harsh treatment.

He grew up with anger, and desperation later on when Kyogo died and Shizu had to work day and night without sleep, hence why he self imposed the role of the sole provider for the family and TRIED. He was the oldest son, and there's no way you can't tell me he didn't feel responsible for both his mom and younger siblings, because in reality, being in situations like that make you worried sick. The money sometimes isn't enough and Sanemi was painfully aware of that. So he took it upon himself to be the best caretaker and protector his family could have.

But then Shizu was turned against her will and killed her children, permanently scarring both Genya and Sanemi physically, mentally and emotionally. And none of them understood what actually happened until later on, which makes the guilt even worse for both of them. Genya called him a murderer without knowing Sanemi was trying to protect him and Sanemi killed his own mother because he couldn't protect her, and by defect, he couldn't protect his younger siblings either. It was so traumatising he lost the ability to see colours. So he pushed away Genya, now filled with anger, regret and guilt, over not being able to protect and care for his family like he said he would. I personally think that, before he joined the Corps, when he started killing demons on his own, it was a projection of his guilt, trying to make up for what he couldn't do for his family, which in the end may have hurt him more because he saved countless of people, but the nagging thought at the back of his head was still there, he didn't saved his family, he could do it for others but not for those he cared for.

Then he joined the Corps, met Masachika and lost him too. And it hurt, because the guilt and the anger just kept growing inside him, why couldn't he save the people he cared for? The feeling of inadequacy must've made him company for a while, at least for some time, but that only served as fuel for his rage, like a flame thrown into a puddle of gasoline.

And he tried so hard and desperately to keep Genya away, keep him safe because he didn't want his younger brother, his only family, to dig an early grave and die, in what could be a painful and gorey death.

Did he do it in the worst way he could've possibly done? Yes. Sanemi had the purest intentions towards Genya, but he didn't know how to properly put them in action. So he pushed and pushed and pushed, but a cord that is tensed too much always ends up breaking, and so, when Genya died, all of Sanemi's efforts seemed futile. Plus, the realisation that he had messed up, that he could've gone and treated the situation with more delicacy, without violence and maybe, just maybe, Genya would be alive, thriving and he would've kept a good relationship with his younger brother.

The realisation of what he had done hit him like a thousand bricks and after the damage was done, only adding to the burden in his heart. He didn't have a body to bury, only Genya's belongings, but it still was an empty grave. And it hurt, knowing things could've been different if only he had taken a different route.

Third: Nico Robin. Now, my beautiful queen also broke my soul until I cried and begged for a stop. Robin is also a child born and moulded by yet again, the decision of third parties that ended up affecting the environment where she grew up.

Her mother, an archeologist with big dreams that left her in the care of close relatives, but it ended up backfiring because even if Robin's aunt wasn´t physically abusive, she was still neglectful with Robin's emotional needs and proper love and care.

However, Robin did had a glimpse of what actual happiness and acceptance was with the other archaeologists in Ohara, which is why her story is even more heartbreaking to me, because even if Robin faced hardships like the lack of a proper mother figure and proper care from the people that were supposed to lover, she found a home in the other archeologists in the island, she was happy in her own little way even with the other cons in her situation. And meeting Jaguar D. Saul only heightened her happiness, like when he taught her how to laugh despite the harshness of the situation.

But every good thing Robin had was snatched away from her in the blink of an eye.

She had to witness a genocide, deal with the guilt of being the only one alive, fight for her life and get used to the violent environment she had been thrown into, while being alone, knowing everyone was against her. She had to learn how to defend herself, learn how to be selfish and understand that, one wrong move and she'll have a blade against her neck. She understood it very quickly, it was either she was killed or she killed. She was constantly walking on eggshells, covering her back and faking personalities one after another to survive, barely doing so while she tried to reach her dream, desperately so.

Eventually, she gave up on her own life, almost throwing away her dream before she was saved. The Strawhats for Robin were salvation, like a warm blanket in the freezing winter, but she didn't feel worthy of it and tried to distance herself from them to protect them.

Robin is very similar to Ace, both are prone to self sabotaging tendencies and full of hatred or despair in their souls, both of them understanding that they were loved until the very end. The difference is, Robin got the chance to cling to it, Ace didn't. They're parallels, only differentiating from the other because one DID got the message in time. It's the line between who gets saved from the dark hole you were found in in time.

Robin understood the value of her life in time, just enough for her to be able to turn back and decide that she wanted to live, that living was something worthy.

Fourth: Bakugou Katsuki. Now, Katsuki is my biggest hear me out ever. The first time I watched MHA, I couldn't stand him at all. He was the reason I stopped reading the Manga and why I stopped watching the anime. I couldn't even fathom the idea of having to see him even for a second.

But he fooled me, like he fooled everyone else around him and some other readers. The second time I watched MHA because it bugged me leaving it midway, I noticed he's a complex character in reality.

His reasonings weren't petty anymore and suddenly, he gained that something that just caught my eye, and I just found myself analysing every single little thing he did or said. To the first interactions he had with Izuku when they were children, his start at U.A, his reactions, everything. And I noticed it, he's the most fucking complex character I've ever seen or read of.

The more I knew, the more I liked him, because he was incredibly real and relatable. Katsuki is a character you either hate it or love it, it's everything or nothing, and to understand him, you HAVE to pay attention to even the minor detail because you blink and you miss what he actually meant or wanted.

I was having a field day the more I watched him, truly. Katsuki is intense, in every sense of the word, he goes all out or he doesn't do it, because he doesn't conform to the rules of society or what is expected of him. He follows his own rules and his own expectations.

Step by step he built himself into what he wanted to be, with a certain image of himself that he had according to the people he had grown up with and how they treated him.

But all that image was thrown down the drain the moment he steps into U.A, because not only is Izuku there, who he thought was less, but also, he realises, he might not be the best of the best as he had believed all his life to that point. It hit him like a truck, like cold water falling on you out of nowhere.

And it hurt him, it was gut wrenching to him, it destroyed him from the very inside of his soul and left a bitter taste in his tongue, to the point he was having an anxiety attack during class after Momo pointed out what he did wrong during the bomb exercise.

He acts like he is the best, and believes it to some point, and yet, at the same time, he doesn't feel worthy and enough.

It's complex and raw because it's relatable. It's real because he makes mistake after mistake, he's crude and brash and his personality sucks to some extent the longer he interacts with classmates, teachers and people.

Everything in his screams intensity, to his thoughts, to his words and even the way he stands. And his character development is MASSIVE.

It may not look like it, but, for people who are like him, baby steps feel like a cool breeze after being in a sauna. He didn't show it, but he was drowning in his own mind and feelings after All Might's retirement.

It surprised me, took me by surprise the way he was crying in the episode where he fights Izuku. It was overwhelming to me, he was overwhelmed himself, and the way he portrays his emotions in that moment, how he lets them out and shows a part of himself that he doesn't show, his vulnerable side, the real thoughts and emotions he had inside of him, it was beautiful.

Beautiful because you know he was actually human, that he actually understood that he was wrong, that he had been making mistakes by pushing everyone around and how, just like everyone else, he tended to overthink.

And while acknowledgment seems stupid and shallow to some, acknowledgment is the biggest step a person can make to be better, to admit you're or have been an awful person, but you acknowledge it to move forward and make a change.

And he changed! Little by little, you can see and notice how he starts becoming a better version of himself. And while he keeps that part of himself that makes him him, he also starts to show a part of that raw, soft personality he had inside him, hidden deep in his soul under wraps.

It's amazing watching him change and grow, to the point his looks even turn softer, more smother, less harsh and more accessible.

Katsuki is real because we all make mistakes, and he shows that we can always start over, apologise and change. Because even if he couldn't change the past, as much as he wanted to, he wants to make the future better, he wants to be better. He puts in the effort, it's constant and he tries hard.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, I'll proceed to keep my mouth shut for the rest of the month 😩

[aceofstars0]

Goodbye..

Song I was listening to and also suggest you listen to: The Other Side Of Paradise by Glass Animals

Warning: this fic is VERY gorey, horrific, all that jazz so read at your own risk! It also has spoilers for the ending of Demon Slayer.

This is an au of the Milo Kocho au btw

As Muzan is restrained outside and starts to burn up, Milo is begging and pleading Basil inside to turn back. Her eyes are filled with tears and she has scratches and cuts and bruises all over her body, but she is determined to save him.

Kanao arrives with a fourth syringe, and quickly inserts it into Basil before leaving to hrlo with other slayers. He falls down for a minute as Milo panics.

"Mi-o?"

Basil wakes up and looks at her, his eyes and hair slowly turning back to normal.

"Basil!!"

The area is spinning, blurry, and the colors are inverted.

"Wh...at? Wh-is ha-ing?"

Basil's voice cuts out and skips letters.

"W-voice-at?"

Basil starts to panic, as he realizes that he can't move his arms either

Both of their faces turn confused.

"Basil, wha...what's happening to your voice?"

"I-d-now..?"

Basil shifts to sit up, but their arms dont move, like they are sown into the ground. They try to close their eyes, but they sting and stay in place.

Milo holds his arms in an attempt to heal him, but instead her hands come back bruised.

The scab on Basil's forehead from where he was turned to a demon, starts opening up. Milo only realizes when a glistening streak of white starts running down basil's face.

"B-asil... your scars..."

As he glanced around, he noticed all his scars and bruises had been reopening.

Milo starts crying, she looks into Basil's eyes, which were also crying, and hugged him.

"I-an't m-ve"

Suddenly, Basil's left eye grows black, and the blood from his forehead turns red, then white, then red again. He stares forward, not moving, nor breathing

He stays like that for a minute, while milo pulls back and watches him.

With a large gasp, he comes back to life suddenly. His head is thrown back as his eyes turn fully black. His arms and legs contract, and then his whole body relaxes and he falls back asleep.

"Milo, what's happening to basil...?" Kanao had come back over to basil and milo after hearing the panic.

"I-I don't know! His body's doing weird things!" When she looked over, she noticed basil's left arm separate from its forearm and blood covering the area. She looked over to his right arm, which was deteriorating in the same place it had previously been lost, pooling with red and white blood.

Basil wakes back up, looks down, and cries harder than he had previously. He moves his hand to ease a sudden pain in his jaw, but can't reach without his arm.

Temporarily, basil's skin becomes more vibrant and colored, like Milo's. All his pain ceases, but the bleeding does not stop. They look at milo, and smile.

"Mallow, I love you..."

Their whole body falls.

Their hair turns brown, black, white, and every pastel it used to be, flickers.

Their skin pulses and bruises and turns pale.

Their eyes flicker black and white.

Milo hugs him, as tight as she can, her tears running into Basil's changing hair.

Basils body freezes, their pulse ceasing.

"I love you too."

Milo falls onto him, and succumbs to her injuries, the two lovers dying in eachother's arms.

A/N wow! First fic and it's killing off my and @larz-barz ocs! I seriously didn't know I could write something like this, and I did it all in one sitting. Hope I didn't cross any lines of gore because it's VERY gorey but I've posted it now so 🤷

[silvers-not-home]

INTRO POST RAHHH!!!!

errmmm i literally have no idea what to put so work with me here😭

IM A CHILD BTW YOU GUYS!!!!

you can call me tango, scar or martyn

i identify as agender, bisexual and orchidromantic!!

i am a therian and otherkin that uses xenogenders and neopronouns so if you don't support/like that go away you weren't welcome in the first place

i am a triple a battery (autism, adhd, anxiety)

i'm also visually impaired so i might have to change the color of the font sometimes to help me register it better😭 (if you need me to repost something with a different colored font please ask/dm me! ^^ i'd be more the willing to do that x3)

please use tone tags!! >~< /gen

DNI LIST (seriously if you're any of these do NOT interact i'm being so fr fr)

pr0ship/c0mship, zi0nists, rac1sts, ableists and basically anything that falls under that line

this is a safe blog!! meaning i would never post g0re/nsfw/jump scares etc!! /srs /gen

(i do write smut but i would never post it here but i have posted it on my ao3 acc)

i would love to be friends with my moots >0< (if tumblr notifies me whenever they dm me😭)

my ask box is always open for (almost) anything! whether that be writing requests (i can't draw) or just silly goofy questions :3

i WILL write

shipping

angst

fluff

au's!! og or requested idm either one as long as the original owner is okay with it!! (and i would like some form of proof just to be safe /nm /gen)

any fandom i'm at least familiar with

ooc

i will NOT write

smut (not for commissions/requests at least)

g0re

inc3st (dni if you support that anyways like seriously ew???)

anything i've stated i won't post on here previously

my interests :D (in order of how normal i am abt them)

• life series/hermitcraft

• yhs (samgladiator)

• minecraft (yes i know they're basically the same thing shut up)

• fnaf

• vocaloid

i am a scene kid in training (you guys i wanna dress scene so badly oh my god you guys please please i'm begging you at this point plea-)

also i'm currently figuring out how to set up an etsy account so i can sell my kandi!! you can find it here when i make it :3 (currently saving up so i can move out of my moms house early)

[localcapricosimp]

Leovil Week 2024 Day 3

Prompt: Loss

@leovilweek

-BTW, the character "Rain" (real name is Anya but we'll get into that later) is my MC/Yuu. She and Vil are best friends 🙏

-Extra information at the end about one of the scenes.

⚠️: Mentions of a severe head injury, character death, spoilers for Book 6 for those who haven't read it yet

Vil stood at the edge of the walkway in horror.

There was no way that just happened.

Leona and Jamil's Thunder Spear somehow wasn't able to hit Ortho fast enough, and when the two tried to get away from the overblotted Shroud siblings, Ortho hit the Chariot as he started to fall back. Jamil was able to stay on...

But Leona lost his balance and was sent downward.

The walkie-talkie in Vil's hand sounded off.

"Jamil, what just happened!?"

"Ortho had an opportunity to swing at us because the blast from the Thunder Spear was delayed. He was able to hit the Chariot and Leona couldn't keep his balance. He didn't fall near Ortho, so I should be able to find him without my life being at risk."

"Please find him."

Vil glanced back at the rest of his group. Epel looked like he was about vomit. Rook was terrified. And Rain...Vil had never seen her so worried. She walked over to him.

"V, are you gonna be okay?"

She knew how Vil felt about Leona. How he really felt about Leona.

"I...I don't know."

---------------------------

Upon returning to NRC after defeating...and saving Idia and Ortho (and Malleus restoring Vil to his youth), the Pomefiore housewarden had found himself sitting by a very unconscious Leona in the infirmary. He had asked for some alone time.

When Vil's group had been dealing with Idia and Ortho, Jamil had found Leona on one of the walkways. Apparently, Leona had hit his head on a rock which had broke a part of his skull, and resulted in his head bleeding both internally and externally. When Jamil had found him, the beastman was shaking all over and he couldn't speak. He lost consciousness on the way back to NRC.

Vil clung to Leona's hand. Each beep of the heart monitor was synced with a tear forming in Vil's eyes and streaking down his face.

"Leona...I don't know if you can hear me but..."

He had to swallow to prevent himself from completely breaking down. What was he supposed to say? He knew that at some point he'd be in a situation like this, but so soon? It just didn't feel possible.

"Leona...I know we've had our differences. Most of the times we've spoken with each other we were less than friendly. We couldn't go a single conversation without throwing a jab at each other. It was childish, to say the least. We were so nasty to each other and for what? I know the advice I gave you might've come off as me attacking you but..."

He took a shaky breath before he continued speaking. But as he spoke, his voice shook as he fought back the urge to sob.

"...I never meant for it to be that way. I just wanted you to...to take better care of yourself because...because I care about you. I love you, Leona. Every argument we've had I've regretted. I wish I could take everything back-"

He felt something lightly squeeze his hand. Leona. That did it. The tears came rushing out and Vil couldn't suppress the urge to sob any longer.

"-Oh god Leona...I'm so sorry. I wish we never argued in the first place and that I could've been so much nicer to you from the start. I was afraid that...that if you knew, you'd push me out of your life permanently and I'd lose someone I care about so deeply. I wouldn't be able to handle that but now look. You're practically in death's doorstep. I wish I could've been there to save you. I wish I could make everything up to you. I'm so sorry..."

He leaned forward and gently kissed Leona on the forehead.

"...I love you, Leona. I always have and I always will."

He sat up. And then he heard it. That dreaded noise when a heart-monitor flat-lines. Vil let out a shriek of pure dread and suffering before burying his face into Leona's chest. He knew it was time to face the truth.

Leona Kingscholar was gone.

--------------------

Author's note:

Ahem, hi, me. Evie here. Ooo this was a rough one but honestly I feel like a part of me needed to write this because of recent events in my life. What Vil said to Leona and the whole hand squeeze that Leona gave Vil despite being unconscious was partly based off of my last experience with my grandmother before she passed away on August 4th of this year (2024 went from being great for me to being the worst year of my life). I, similar to what Vil said, had a tendency to argue with my grandmother while she was alive because I didn't want to open up to her about something out of fear of thinking she'd completely push me out of her life. And, like what happened with Leona, my grandmother squeezed my hand as I was speaking and having a breakdown right beside her in the hospice center. The death of a family member or any loved one is never really something you think about. You always think "I have one more year with them" and then that year gets cut in half and the next thing you know, you're staring at their tombstone wondering if you could've done something to fix things. You know that they're in a better place, and you're happy about that because they're no longer suffering, but still. There's a piece of you that's just...missing.

Oookaaaayy vent aside, writing this was somewhat helpful for me dealing with my grief? In a way it allowed me to process my feelings about everything that has happened recently which I feel I needed.

[tahopo]

loveee kaleb he’s so interesting and i don't mean to be presumptuous or like step out of line (please tell me if i am,, he is not my oc after all)

but i really would like to understand the circumstances you have built around him and what made him feel so strongly attached to amethyne enough to put her through THE JOINING? because that is frankly unhinged!

does he understand the social influence he, a human noble, has on her, an elven orphan? what even was his relationship with iona? what does fergus think of him (because you said kaleb didn’t want another oren situation?). or anyone in general? sorry, this is so much but after ten years of feeling meh about it, you have opened my eyes to the cousland origin!!

This is such a goldmine ask like I’m so excited…

First off, I have it that the Mac Eanraigs were descendants of reavers whose excessive blood consumption changed their genetic makeup. I have a whole thing about that but it’ll make this too long!! But they mainly drank giant blood. The fact is this: Kaleb is not a stranger to weird blood rituals. Open the door to taboo and you find yourself easily one foot in it.

Secondly, I’m so ！ ！ that you picked up on the whole social imbalance surrounding him. Yes. Yes ! His unorthodoxy or weirdness doesn’t negate fact he’s a very wealthy human man on the favoured side of the social strata. His actions are well-intentioned and noble, but they also come from a place of privilege. He was groomed to be an ambassador; politicking and taking ownership of people’s lives like chess pieces is second nature to him. He has a saviour complex deep down, and he operates on moral masochism— and this informs a lot of his decisions. He has no right to save her. But he has the resources to- why shouldn’t he use them? And if one day she hates him for it, he will devote his existence to that hatred. Better to repent than to regret. This is similar to what he does to Alistair. He loves through self-exile.

As for Iona. The crazy thing is he only spoke to her briefly. He never shared a bed with her, he’s not that kind of guy. That option always made me uncomfortable. ‘Amethyne’ was just a name spoken in passing, but Amethyne is the only tether Kaleb allows himself to from before that horrible night in Castle Cousland. There’s a level of guilt at play because he was so often away from home studying in Orlais, he certainly did not watch Oren grow up! Amethyne was a faint remedy to that: she’s a this-time-around made realised. He never goes back to Highever btw. Ever. Not even for the funeral. Not even for Fergus. He refuses to confront ghosts, but he can dedicate himself to those alive. Or those he forced to stay alive.

He pushes Alistair away from the Battle of Denerim to maximise his safety. He sabotages every chance of death Loghain has to maximise his suffering. He puts Amethyne through the joining and goes on a doomed Grail trail to maximise her life.

What Kaleb does is very wrong and he knows it. His relationship with Fergus suffers. Alistair is compelled to co-sign a death sentence-adoption paper in the middle of a bitter divorce fallout. He watches the horror dawn on Velanna, Sigrun, Nate, Anders’ faces when they discover they are not the Warden Commander’s first fledged.

And Amethyne herself grows up to hold as much resentment as she does deep affection for him. You are not my saviour!!!!! But you are my father. And we all have to live with that.

(and i can sense through the taint when you’re absent and worse when you’re present and still won’t approach. anora looks at me funny. i don’t know what loghain looks at me with, but i hate him. and why do you act different, more fond around kieran and his mother whom you are not even in love with than you do with father, whom you are, and i. and he’s stuck in a castle just like my real mother was and you’re wasting away just like my real father did and and and)

[ryoryeonggu]

After years and years, I admit that my opinions with TVDU have changed a lot. For example, I no longer feel the burning hatred towards Elena when I realize how suck her life is (and she did have her moments). But no one could ever bloody convince me that killing Kol wasn't a selfish hypocritical action on her and the MF gang's part, and only because of plot armor that she (and her friends) survived after pulling that shit. Nope. Not a chance.

Point number 1: "Elena only killed Kol to save her brother, that's self defense."

Like it wasn't her who lured him into her house in the first place. Like it wasn't the point of her whole plan at the very beginning is using the death of his entire sireline to complete The Hunter Mark. To get the damn cure for herself. Let's get a quick reminder of how she was fully aware of the consequences and what she's doing:

Elena: If you kill one Original vampire, their entire sire line will die with them. That's thousands, maybe tens of thousands of vampires.

Elena: Think about it. Kol's sire line must stretch to the moon by now. If Jeremy kills Kol, every vampire that he's ever turned, not to mention everyone that they've turned, will die, which means the hunter's mark will be complete and we'll have our key to finding the cure.

Some would argue that it's after Kol compelled Damon to kill Jeremy. But please don't say that there's no other choice since there's Klaus trying to dagger him! For the girl and people who have deluded themselves into thinking her planning a genocide was to protect her brother, she sure did a good job protecting him by having Jeremy fight an Original with some guns and crossbows (like it could've worked in a making-sense world).

Btw hey, how about using the dagger that bloody Matt stole to use it on Rebekah, how about using it to dagger Kol instead? It's still utterly stupid and reckless to challenge an Original vampire either way, but at least could've "protected your brother" without murdering 10000 and more innocent person who did nothing to you. How about that?

#dontwannakill100letskill10000ppinstead #elenaslogic

Point number 2: “It’s not plot armor, Elena is smart and capable than people giving her credit for”…

Okay that could’ve been debatable... if her plan wasn’t stupid af.

I already read those arguments about how Kol isn’t the greatest fighter out of The Originals squad (can’t blame them since the writers kept letting him get bested ridiculously). About his strength might be numb and his skills might be affected after centuries spending on the coffin. About how Kol was cocky, arrogant and underestimated Elena and co. And you know what, that’s fair. That’s some good point I could get behind to explain why Kol didn’t just tear Elena and her brother apart in a few seconds as soon as he entered The Gilbert house.

But let’s not pretend when you saw with your own eyes, that Kol wasn’t in the upper hand in the whole fight. Even they did prepare themselves with all those hunter equipment, attempted to trap him or attack him with surprise. Kol, with all possible inconveniences listed above, still managed to overpower Elena and Jeremy, throwing them away with no sweats like some rag dolls. Not to mention Kol had several chances to just kill Elena and be done with it, like when he pinned her to the wall, and stabbed her. Why didn’t he just rip her heart out of her chest? When he stated clearly on the phone with Klaus that he was going to kill Elena? Why stopped there? No reason. (And why did he froze like that in the kitchen scene as if he was waiting to be killed? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♂️) Kol didn’t underestimate Elena, it's Elena who underestimated Kol. And now we all agree that she and her brother would’ve eaten sh*t and dead, or been armless if it wasn’t for all plot armor, stop fooling yourself.

Another hole of Elena’s “smart and capable” plan is… HOW? What tf was she thinking how she’s gonna kill him??? Like, we all know the only way to kill an Original is the white oak stake… which they didn’t have. The only ones who knew Kol had it were Klaus and Rebekah. And I doubt they just casually mentioned to their enemies in very short of time that their brother had the murder weapon which could kill them all. And let’s pretend they did for some reason, how could they be sure Kol would just bring the white oak state along to the house? He could've kept it somewhere safe, he could've destroyed it already. And there’re no indication or hint that they knew where it was. They planned to steal a dagger to use on Rebekah, to deal with the aftermath, but they didn’t bother to find the crucial weapon for the plan? And Kol just happened to bring the weapon to their door, how convenient. How clever.

Conclusions? Being with poor Elena and defending her all you want (like I couldn't careless with all other matters) but please don't pull the self defense card in this case or go as far as she really just survived purely on her "skills" or her "intelligence". Like, sure. She made a plan, lured Kol into her house to murder him, planned to kill 10000+ people and dgaf about the possibility of the world ending just because she couldn't handle being a vampire. The entire mess afterwards was because of her doings. And don't get me started on how the hell she thought she could get away with killing Klaus and Elijah's little brother and planned to dagger their baby sister later. But yeah, of course, somehow she did. Plot armor. Pointless.