#btw bestie this is all in good fun please don’t take it the wrong way im just playing heheehe | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

1d1195 · 1 day

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Hi Sam my love!! I know I’ve been gone for a bit but for once life has been super busy! I’ll explain later obviously lol (also I fear this will also be a part one of two ask lol)

Bestie when I tell you I SCREAMED WHEN I SAW YOU MENTIONED AUDIO PORN BAHAHAHHAHA OMG absolutely obsessed with how your train of thought led you to that 😂

It’s probably just the blindness speaking tbh! Idk all I know is if given a chance even with a mullet I WOULD TAKE IT HAHAH plus I can’t say shit when I literally have a fuck ass bob rn soooo yeah HAHAH and omg look we all have different hair types and routines so honestly if it works for you and you like it then that’s all that matters lol plus finding the proper hair care/routine is TOUGH bc scalp stuff is involved and like hair types too lol plus i TOTALLY feel you about the hair washing aspect! My hair luckily doesn’t get greasy if I don’t wash it BUT I simply will not feel good or “clean” if I don’t wash it lol

SAM WDYM WE ALREADY MET THE HARRY WITH THE BREEDING KINK?!? BESTIE?!?😭😭😭😭 you have no idea the way my mind is RACING to figure out who!!! Like realistically I think all of them lowkey would bc they are obsessed with their MC BUT I feel like some just radiate that vibe more than others if that makes sense lol

Oh I’ve tired the Quinn app and the Dipsea app and cannot lie I was pleasantly surprised!! (Btw there’s nothing wrong with indulging in that too!) and the plots are honestly so good?!? Like I had low expectations the first time I tired it but these plots kinda go crazy in a good way lol love that these audios have inspired you!

I genuinely believe any route you would have taken you would genuinely be so good at it!! Given like your strong work ethic and the way you do get things done, i wouldn’t be surprised if you thrived in it! You’re teaching AP calculus this year right(I’m so sorry if it’s wrong 😭) so anything AP is kinda hell in general so the fact that you aren’t too exhausted from teaching is good at least! I’m glad this year’s group isn’t too bad and HOPEFULLY it will stay that way!!! I’m always sending you the best vibes and I hope things will stay pretty calm for the rest of the school year💗

The shimmery dress is a bit out of comfort zone but the fabric is just so top tier and it was a STEAL for the price so I’m super excited! Awww Sam you have no idea the smile I had on my face while reading this!!! THIS IS BIG!! It makes me so happy that you’re finding your vibe and style!!! It’s so nice and fun to find things you actually like to wear and feel good about it! And the fact your students notice it like thats so adorable! Especially since kids are super honest sometimes so I don’t think they are fucking with you lol and honestly some people just are so naturally good with their own personal style and they are so lucky!

Truly loved that spin you did for Sunflower! Thought it was really cute!! Also the way I’m not even surprised that you have all these drafts outlined/planned lol like it’s very you thing to do and I mean this in the nicest way possible way! I love that about you bc I wish I could be that organized!

I support any check in tbh! Like you know I’m basically a Stan for all of them it’s crazy lol I typically have so many questions and not because you don’t do a good job or anything! I’m just a curious person lol miscommunication tropes are always so painful but I’m a good way!! But honestly idk why angst always comes to mind for certain couples lol

ALSO BESTIE WHAT ABOUT THE MADE TO BE COUPLE?!?? I saw someone get hit with a baseball(don’t worry they’re fine lol) and it reminded me of them!! And I kinda miss them like how’s their life now? Did the delivery go okay? How’s life changed with the baby?! Any insecurities popping up about being good parents???? Anyways maybe it’s time for a re-read lol

Hopefully October can be manageable at least! So please don’t feel pressure to post anything if you simply can’t do it! -💜

I would sell my soul for mullet Harry. I would probably shave it off once present but still. I would sell my sould.

HEHEHEHEHE You're honestly so right about the breeding kink 😭 they probs all have one. This one I've mentioned before and I think you've commented on but I like the idea of it being a surprise kinda? I'm sure it'll be obvious once I write it.

I haven't heard of Dipsea. Seems like it would be up my alley though... 🤭 Totally nothing wrong with it. It's hot af but I think it's funny I like the plot more than sex part of things (naturally) 😂 y'all get smut from me like once a month and it almost always coincides with I'm ovulating 💀 whoops. OH WELL at least I'll stay inspired long after everyone is done hearing about Harry (which I hope is never).

AP Calc is new to me this year and AP Stats as well (old news though, this is my fourth year). I am LOVING AP Stats because now I know what I'm doing, but Calc is really throwing me for a loop. I love Calculus (nerd alert, I know) so I want to be good at teaching it. I'll get there I'm sure :)

I bet the shimmery dress is going to look stunning on you! Getting it for a steal is also almost better than the dress itself. I think I've always had a very basic style but I like colors and flowers so it's fun to play with a little. You're right about the honesty. My kids tell me all the time I look tired and I'm like "ten out of fourteen of you have asked me to go to the bathroom in the last fifteen minutes and I haven't been able to ask what (x + 4, y - 2) means without being interrupted; of COURSE I'm tired." I'm a lucky teacher, my students seem to genuinely enjoy my presence. If one of them tells me I look "bad" it would be like if a friend told me I had food stuck in my teeth 😂

If I don't right my idea down it's *poof* bye and then y'all will have to wait ten to fifteen business days for it to reappear.

Angst is really fun to write tbh. Gets the plot moving. My next check in is super mushy. Like 0% angst and it's so cute, like I thoroughly enjoyed it but obviously without angst we don't have a storyline.

You know I had an idea for them the other day! Maybe I'll have to revisit them. I had a fun little idea unrelated to yours so maybe now I'll have two (heading to my drafts to write it down before I forget!) I also have another teacherry idea as well. Gotta write that down too!

Hopefully ��

See you in part 2!

xoxo

#💜

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hee4won · 4 years

Text

snow days w/ en- !

requested: no. (requests are open! see rules)

warnings: SWEET SWEET SUPER CUTE LOVELY BOYS

a/n: long time no see besties, a gift from me to you 😈 (all jokes aside i hope you like this okay i think fluff is needed rn, heart you all)

heeseung

this boy loves snow

i am solely basing hee’s off of that one pic of him in the really nice coat out in the snow

bc i’m madly in love with him

anyway HE is the one to excitedly tell you about the snow first

he seems like the type to facetime at night and hang up in the morning (like a virtual sleepover)

continuation under the cut!

esp if he’s too busy to meet with you

and if he wakes up first and you’re still in the call he’ll be like

“baby 🥺 baby 🥺”

😧 you are SLUMPED

“Y/N WAKE UP THERES SNOW”

and THAT gets you up ofc bc he was yelling super loud 😇

so now that you’re up you have approximately hmm let’s see

oh! heeseung is at your door rn.

“good morning baby, it’s time to go to my favorite cafe :]”

“the one you said was perfect for snow days?”

“of course! now get ready” who needs small talk ig

you’re still tired but oh my goodness how could you say no to him

so you wash up and come back out to see hee on the couch looking out the window watching the snow fall

he’s adorable, you’re a simp. simple 😄 (see what i did there)

after the cafe date you guys just do some walking around and take cute pics of and with each other

so lovely <3

jay

jay will use any excuse he can to go shopping

and spoil you ;)

“oh, jay, look it’s snowing!”

he’ll admire the sight with you for a while until a little 💡 goes off in this man’s head

“what material is your coat?” oh boy

“uhhh, idk why?”

“do you think if we take a walk outside you’ll get cold?”

“i mean. . . yeah” AND OFF TO THE MALL U GO!

apparently you need cotton material on the inside and leather on the outside to ensure that your body stays warm

Okay Jay.

so you guys are like, shopping for hours and hours on end

hes making you try things on

after the items have been inspected by the clothing genius ofc

and after 5 hours of shopping you’re like

“jay, i just wanted to make snow ducks but now i think i’m gonna drop dead 🙁”

“okay fine we can check out”

you left with like 10 new additions to your closet and jay left with the pride of feeling like boyfriend of the year

which he is! good for him

oh and you did get to make your snow ducks, okay turn that frown upside down baby

jake

oh my goodness

jake loves snow days for THREE reasons:

cuddle by the fireplace, hot coco, and movies w his baby

you already know that once you see snow falling down you should alr be making your way to jake’s place

he’ll make the boys clear out so he can make a cute little blanket fort

and you bring the marshmallows (or whatever you like in your hot chocolate)

the moment you open the door you’re greeted with a cute jake sitting in front of the fort

he gives you his signature wide smile with a few giggles as he stands up to hug you

a jake sim please and thank you ❤️

you are 100% without a DOUBT watching the wondeful polar express

btw jake is afraid of that one puppet scene (so am i, it’s awful)

so pls hold him super tight

you’ll most likely fall asleep in that position

and of course the boys got pics of it

sunghoon

okay. you guys are finding a skating rink (@hooniee hehe hi bb)

even though it doesn’t have to be cold in order to go to one

he says it just, “feels right”

and if you can’t skate he will most definitely teach you

tries his best to let you go on your own but every time he lets go you go *plop*

he does indeed laugh okay and you can hear him but once you get back up and look at him he’s like

“😐 what” “remember when you said you didn’t need my help”

gosh he’s so annoying but don’t get me wrong

he finds your independence and clumsiness very cute

if you just can’t seem to get the hang of it he’ll take you outside

and you two will just start dancing in the snow

this time both of you end up on your butts

and sunghoon wouldn’t have it any other way

sunoo

he strikes me as the type to go out to eat then go home and cuddle all day

i really don’t think cold weather is his thing so it’ll be a cute date and comfy clothes

so you guys will definitely be going to a bakery to get some sweets

“sunoo, i couldve made us some cookies instead of spending money”

uh. . . whos gonna tell you

“i wanted only the best sweets for my sweet 😊”

very good save, sunoo, very good save

he has matching pajamas for when you get to spend a snow day together

naps naps naps

my goodness someone would think you two haven’t slept in ages the way you’re in that bad

so many cuddles oh wow he’s so warm

best. snow day. ever.

jungwon

you two are jumping like KIDS

which yes once again you kinda are but anyway.

you’re on the way to the store

getting ready to bake some cookies!

playing in the snow on the way

occasionally throwing little snowballs at each other and making snowmen on the sidewalk

“y/n, look! i made a little snow you!”

he even gave it a snow scarf so snow you wouldn’t be cold

HES SO CUTE someone help me

once you guys are back from the store it is time to get your baking on

🧑‍🍳🧑‍🍳 this you?

now i won’t say it was a total disaster

however

for some odd reason you two did not think about going by the recipe 🤔

“just wing it! it can’t be that bad”

it was definitely that bad.

but you two had fun nonetheless and THAT is what matters 🙏

ni-ki

i hope we’re all on the same page when i say

you two are having a snowball fight

any sort of competition thag involves throwing things

it is happening.

snow duel, which the other boys have to call to make sure there is no cheating

snow soccer(?)

the real competition is making sure your snowball is hard enough to withstand being kicked without falling apart

you two are very creative i must say

“RIKI YOU CAN’T THROW IT AT ME IF I’M NOT LOOKING”

“all is fair in love and war.”

“yeah war, NOT snowball fights 😐”

the boys are laughing so hard at the both of you it’s crazy

jake and sunghoon are just sitting and talking like old men saying

“i remember when i was that young”

you guys are barely 20 let’s slow it down okay

overall, super eventful day and you are both passed out in the living room afterwards

how cute

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nct-lian · 3 years

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relationships outside of sm

JENNIE + LIAN: JENLI

so iconic omg like how they do it, i have no idea

they hang out all the time and lian is literally ALWAYS on jennie’s instagram

the two of them once had an instagram story conversation over pigtails

like,, jennie posted a picture of lian’s pigtails for that one bicycle performance on her story and captioned it “pigtail baby” and then lian reposted it on her own story with a picture of jennie’s pigtails, captioning it “pigtail eomma”

speaking of eomma, jennie is genuinely her mother

jennie takes her shopping all the time

and in return, lian buys her food

the interactions these two used to have at award shows were SO CUTE

everyone remembers when jennie pretty much yelled out lian’s name and she just came running over to the members of blackpink after taeyong let her leave :(

i’m crying just thinking about it help

jennie also posted a full on instagram post for lian on her birthday and had such a sweet caption with it

it was something like “my daughter is finally 21 today! i hope she has an amazing day and i can’t wait to see her later tonight to give her a gift :) haneullie, lots of love from jennie eomma”

SPEAKING OF THE GIFT,, jennie bought her a whole ass $9000 necklace from chanel because she knew that lian was looking for more

IM IN TEARS AND SO ARE YOU ADMIT IT RN

jenli kpop bestest duo

dispatch once thought jennie was on a date with a girl but it turned out to just be her walking lian home after going shopping with her so they never posted anything about it

they were embarrassed they got something wrong so i get it

omfg when news came out that lian and jinwoo broke up mama jennie was threatening to punch the shit out of him

KEVIN + LIAN: LIMOON

what i’ve been waiting to write for so long okay here we go

so mf chaotic like there are compilations made of these two that scream “go crazy go stupid”

their time as guest mc’s for inkigayo was probably some of the best kpop content we’d gotten in a long ass time

KEVIN IS CAUTIOUS WHEN LETTING HER MEET HIS MEMBERS

cause she’s such a good friend to him and wtf why would he wanna share

“mine mine mine mine” constant dory vibes 24/7

lian thrives off of calling him by his korean name because she knows it annoys him

he’s constantly teasing her for having bagged milk in toronto so he deserves it

the one time lian and jacob talked to each other they seemed to be getting along too much for kevin’s liking so he really went:

“okay lian isn’t it time for you to go” because he WAS GETTING JEALOUSJCLSJX

their styles are pretty much complete opposites and everytime they take pictures together kevin never forgets to mention how off it all looks

“tf is that why are your clothes so boring”

“okay sNaKe pAnTs” because of that one eric moment on kpop daebak show where he said kevin had pants with snakes on them

ALSO BTW LIANS CLOTHES ARENT FUCKING BORING SHES JUST FANCY LIKE THAT

i’m getting heated let me calm down.

they normally speak in english to each other but since lian seems to be stuttering over her words when she isn’t speaking korean, he mixes in a few korean phrases every now and then to help her out

kevin is arguably the most hype every single time lian performs, like he really thinks there isn’t anything better

LIAN MAKES SURE TO UPDATE HER INSTAGRAM STORY WHENEVER TBZ HAVE A COMEBACK SO NCTZENS GO SUPPORT THEM

LIA + LIAN: LILIA

more lian x the canadian line WOOHOO

lia spent her trainee days really looking up to lian and she’s even mentioned before that she’d love for itzy to get the chance to collab with her for a song

she really has her fingers crossed for that btw

they actually met during an award show when ryujin, chaeryeong and yuna all had to leave because it was past curfew

lian decided to sit next to them and during all the intermissions between performances she, lia and yeji conversed to pass time

they ended up growing a friendship together but lian has a stronger bond with lia

she loves all the girls either way but yk

lia and lian love going to cafes together and taking adorable pictures :(

like whenever lia posts on itzy’s instagram midzeys don’t exactly know whether or not lian would be on it too :0

like lian normally posts all the scenery pictures she gets to keep her instagram pleasing whereas lia posts the pictures the two of them take together

my heart </3

lian treats lia like a whole daughter because it isn’t often she finds girls that are younger than her

*screams in the fact that majority of sm’s female artists are all from 2015 and under*

like when i say lian SPOILS her i’m not joking

she will randomly call lia up like:

“hey i’m gonna get you out of that dungeon, come get some chicken with me”

and then they’ll just hang out together

but only if lian is out of the dungeon herself because wbk she ain’t treated very well </3

EUNWOO + LIAN: WOOLI

their chemistry is fucking insane holy shit

like their acting for past to present was seriously so praised, netizens found it hard to believe it was all just for the show

dating rumours follow these two everywhere,, like everywhere

it’s one of the most popular ships inside ncity when it comes to lian and other idols

i kid you not one tweet said “chanhyeok treated jihye so well in past to present, i’m only wondering how well eunwoo would treat lian 👀”

LIKE STOP PUTTING IDEAS INTO PEOPLES HEADS YOURE KILING ME HERE ISTG

but yeah they do look really good together

and they’re an amazing pair for acting

when eunwoo started working with inyeop for true beauty, he said:

“hyung’s dating my girlfriend” because of the fact that both of them have acted with lian and BOTH of them dated her in the dramas

what a coincidence though

we all cried when we saw chanhyeok and jihye kiss for the first time DONT LIE

EUNWOO FOLLOWS HER ON INSTAGRAM

and they wished each other happy birthday on their instagram stories

there’s actually people who like to think that they dated while filming for past to present andddd they radiate big delulu vibes

like you know liskook shippers? wooli shipped are kinda the same, but not as intense (thank god)

BUT CAN WE BLAME THEM LIKE THEIR CHEMISTRY? THE WAY THEY TALKED TO EACH OTHER? PLEASE

they took a lot of cute pictures together behind the scenes (ノ﹏ヽ)

MOMO + LIAN: LIMO

DANCER DUO DANCER DUO

this ship isn’t actually as popular as we would like it to be, but nonetheless people love limo

a lot of interactions during award shows !!

like for example momo’s fancams always captured her dancing perfectly to lian’s choreo

and lian smiling in momo’s direction

i love them

when lian found out about heechul and momo’s relationship, she asked momo if she was her mom now because of how much of a father figure she considers heechul to be JDFJK

“i mean sure”

they’ve actually done a vlive together before (ᗒᗨᗕ)

it was when lian visited her at the twice dorms and they ended up getting bored so they decided to do a vlive in the living room

THEY PLAYED DARE OR DARE AND LIAN HAD TO DO THE TEARS CHALLENGE (so chan whee) ON MOMOS KARAOKE MACHINE

her throat was dry for the rest of the night

after seeing momo’s hair for the i can’t stop me era, lian actually wanted to cut it like that

but she decided against it because she loves her long hair too much

the two of them met on hit the stage where they competed against each other in a freestyle dance battle

after that they just started casually talking over the phone and became great friends

with the way momo talks about lian, you’d think they’re dating-

“oh, lian- she’s so pretty! i love her a lot!”

and the same goes for lian, she loves talking about momo’s dancing skills

JACKSON + LIAN: JACKLIAN

her dad :/

adopted her with amber liu like a year ago so now she’s just his daughter

supports each other like crazy not even joking

jackson promotes her on instagram and twitter 24/7

THEY HAVE SO MANY INTERACTIONS THANK GOD

lian was once given a ridiculously short dress while attending an award show and jackson gave her his jacket to wear over her legs because she wasn’t provided a blanket :(

(keep in mind, she went there without the members!)

lian added all his music to her playlist :)

once got drunk together and spent like three hours doing karaoke but it’s okay cause it was fun

speaking of getting drunk, jackson’s the cool dad that lets her do whatever she wants

he has his protective moments where he’s like “ma’am where are you going on that short of a dress” but he’s also like “hey wanna go get chicken and soju”

they both appeared on a radio show together as guests and they ruined the whole broadcast because they were too loud

like they kept getting out of their seats to go wave at all the fans outside the window and they were just fighting back and forth about whether or not lian’s extensions look real

according to jackson, they’re “NOT AUTHENTIC ENOUGH- LOVE YOUR HAIR FOR WHAT IT IS, LIANNA HANEUL BAE.” lian’s hair lives matter :/

PLSSS WHEN HYOSEOP AND LIAN STARTED DATING- no

jackson was so proud that his good friend was smooching his other good friend but the protective dad instincts really kicked in

“break her heart and you die no cap”

was surprisingly chill when they broke up though, he was just glad lian didn’t cry

SUNMI + LIAN: SUNLI

SUNMI IS HER MOM OHMYGOD

so many interactions

honestly took lian under wing once she debuted as a soloist

female kpop soloists gotta have each other’s backs in this industry man :(

sunmi calls lian her princess SOBS

lian always hugs sunmi at award shows, like if they’re sitting close together

or if they’re standing next to each other on stage

you bet your ass lian is gripping onto sunmi for dear life

did a photoshoot together for marie claire korea

they’re so hot bro

BUT THEY FIRST MET ON WEEKLY IDOL NOT LONG AFTER LIAN DEBUTED AS A SOLOIST

they were kinda awkward ngl uh

but by the end of it they were besties :DD

and they’ve been besties ever since

lian is the ceo of doing dance covers for sunmi’s songs

cmon lian we’re waiting for tail 👀

sunmi has actually met lian’s grandma </3

like her and lian were hanging out at the dorms while the boys were out on a schedule and her grandma just randomly showed up with homemade food so that was definitely a win

BANG CHAN + LIAN: LICHAN

they’ve been friends for a LOOONGGG time

and chain’s known her since dating back to like, smrookies era when lian was still a red velvet member

like at that time she had no idea he existed, but he was keeping up with her daily :(

chan plays her music on vlives all the time and he always knows the dance moves

like he just dances along in his chair and mumbles the lyrics

we love to see it

a lot of fans ship them together

SURPRISE SURPRSIE AH

only because chan gives off big pining energy

lian only looks at him like “:D” whereas he looks at her like “♡•♡”

kinda sad but

lian promotes him on live so often HVKSVU

“my friend chan is coming back with his group soon, you should check it out! :)”

and the way she just says “my friend chan” LIKE ITS SO OBVIOUSLY A FRIENDZONE BUT HE THINKS ITS ADORABLE

he once got a comment on a vlive to react to lian moments, obviously complying because who wouldn’t

there was this one clip of her saying “my friend chan from stay kids!” and whoever edited the compilation added in squishy noises right after while zooming in on her face

AND CHAN BLUSHED SO HARD NOO

“oh- hahaha, uhh, she’s so cute aw hahahah”

ASHLEY + LIAN: ASHLI

oh god not another lian x mom ship

ASHLEY LOVES LIAN WOAH

like she’s submitted lian’s resume to bm so many times so they could be part of the big tiddie committee together

ashley is constantly, and i mean constantly, reposting all of lian’s posts on her story with captions like “LOOK AT HER GO”

and lian has even discovered all the cool instagram filters because of ashley, and now we get the quality content from her that WE DESERVEEEEE

back when lian’s album came out, all ashley’s story really was was just screenshots of her streaming all the songs and calling them bops

when they first met in person after texting back in forth, ashley spammed her instagram story with pictures of lian that she took without her looking

these two radiate a lot of “YES GIRL WORKKK ITTT TURN THIS WAY OKAYYY POSE POSE POSE” energy

lian’s been featured in one of ashley’s youtube videos and it was when they met for the first time :)

they exchange a lot of gifts through the mail

like lian once found a mug when shopping with doyoung and she thought that it would fit ashley’s taste so she sent it to her apartment

and ever since then they just send random little gifts to each other’s houses

it’s so cute

MATCHING BUCKET HATS THEY HAVE MATCHING BUCKET HATS !!!!!!

ashley talks about lian all the time

she always says that for someone so young, she’s accomplished a lot and she’s really proud of her

they wanna do tiktoks with each other but they never have the time </3

lian spam comments on ashley’s instagram like “WOAH” “OKAYYYY” “YESYESYES”

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bisluthq · 4 years

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Hey! I'm fairly new here and I have a pretty uncommon take on Kaylor. But I just wanna start off by saying I try my best to be as supportive of LGBT people as possible and if they're both bisexual, then I would be 100% okay with that! I'm not trying to "defend their heterosexuality" or anything, I think that's really weird

Okay, so my personal theory is that Kaylor did happen, but that Taylor and Karlie are both straight. I know that might sound contradictory, but I say this based on my own personal experiences based on how I am with my best friend. I think Karlie and Taylor's relationship might have been similar in some ways to ours

Right, so I'm straight and I'm not into women in the gay kind of way (but it's completely cool that some girls are), and I have this roommate who's gorgeous. Really gorgeous, she's like a 10/10 "I would sell my kidney to look like you" kind of girl. She's very attractive, she has like tan skin and long legs and gorgeous brown hair and pretty eyes and nice lips and just like… she's just very good looking. I'm definitely jealous of her body, I won't even pretend I'm not 😪 I lowkey hate her because of it (jk)

We've been living together since not long before COVID started, and we're very good friends. There were three of us before, but our other roommate went back home to stay with her parents until in person classes are back on and we agreed to it and worked something out because she has really bad anxiety so we understood her reasoning for it

Anyway so it's just been us two and because we've been at home a lot during this time instead of out for most of the day like before, we've gotten to know each other a lot better and have become a lot closer. We were already friends from before, but now we're like super close besties, we've been hanging out a lot together and playing board games, watching movies, helping each other with essays, just having long conversations about anything and everything, etc

Like it's been so nice having a best friend that I can be this close to now because I haven't had a best friend since I was a kid

So my friend and I were having like a conversation last year about how hard it's been in quarantine not being able to go on dates and how we miss kissing people, and so we decided to just like, make out for fun you know. I mean, there's not really anything that's inherently romantic or sexual about making out, that's just society that says that. But tbh I think making out with your friends if you want to should be normalized, it's fun and it can even be emotional sometimes. It's not that different from hugging people

After a couple of weeks or so, I think we got bored of just making out with each other and decided to like, fully hook up. It started off because we were modelling lingerie for each other for banter and were pretending we were each other's runway judges and then I think we just decided to hook up with each other as like part of the whole "game". I can't remember who initiated it now, I think it might have been me as a joke lol

Like just in a platonic way for fun, as a kind of substitute until we can go back into society

And tbh I always expected hooking up with a woman to be like mediocre and boring and awkward, but although it was a bit hard to get the hang of at first and there was a learning curve, it's actually very enjoyable. Like I was very surprised actually at how hot it can be, I think I can maybe see why bisexual women and lesbians like doing it

Anyway we both liked it and we just carried on hooking up on the regular and it's been like 8 months now and tbh I just think it's very sweet and heartwarming, like it actually makes me feel a little emotional how we're close enough and care about each other enough that we can even help each other out with the physical intimacy side of things so that we don't get sexually frustrated while we're stuck in lockdown

I just think it's really cool and we even sleep in the same bed most of the time now because tbh what's the point in sleeping alone when you can sleep in the same bed as someone else? It's nicer, like you can cuddle and stuff

Anyway, I think that maybe Kaylor's relationship might have been similar. I think they're both straight but they became really close friends in a short space of time, and that their friendship was so intense that it became physical but in a platonic way

I think lesbians and bisexual women are amazing and I have so much respect for you guys for accepting yourselves in a society that tries to erase you, and I think there definitely needs to be more wlw representation on TV and in movies

But at the same time, I would also like there to be more close female friendships like the one that me and my friend have where you can just talk about everything together and do things that society usually reserves for romantic partners, but in a platonic way. Because female friendship is really important and beautiful, whether that's between straight women like me and my friend who I think is probably straight too, or between queer women because one thing I've learnt during my short time on this blog is how queer women can have very close platonic friendships with other queer women too

I think society just has overly strict ideas of "straight" and "gay". Like for some people, they would hear about two women sleeping together and think "Oh that's gay", but not necessarily because straight women can enjoy sleeping with other women too, like it's normal 🤷‍♀️

I think it's just a result of women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men

I also think it's because women are so oversexualized in the media, and obviously straight girls see that too and so we sort of internalize that attraction to women because we're so used to seeing women being presented in a sexual way? Except it's not real attraction with us like how it is for queer girls

Like I'm very much "attracted" to my friend, she's genuinely stunning and just very hot tbh. But I still identify as straight because it's just a case of what I mentioned above, it's a "fake" attraction. And also because men are afraid to compliment other men because it's seen as "gay", but women can be fully confident in their sexuality and still recognize other women's beauty and sex appeal. You see it all the time in instagram comments, and I really love how we're all so supportive of each other like that

Like I can be fully confident in my sexuality and yet still say that some women like my friend are gorgeous as hell and also 100 times better looking than most men I've seen. I'm very much obsessed with some women's appearances but in a platonic way

And I just love the concept of "girl crushes" and I think that from a feminism viewpoint, it's beautiful that we're focusing on other girls and showing love towards other girls too, instead of just to men who, let's be real, don't even fully appreciate it half of the time

I am going to be sad when we all have to return to life as usual and my friend and I won't be able to spend as much time together anymore. I'm dreading it tbh, I don't want it to end yet. And it really sucks that the physical side of our friendship will probably have to stop too once our other roommate comes back because I think she'd definitely misunderstand the situation and think it's something different than it actually is if she ever saw us kissing or something. I really am going to miss it a lot though, I really like how things currently are and it's just really really nice and I don't want it to change :/

Btw I'm sorry if I sounded fetishistic or offensive with any of this, I just get a bit jealous sometimes that you guys get to date girls and we're just stuck with men. Honestly if it wasn't for all of the homophobia and the struggles that you all have to face and the fact that it would feel disrespectful to the LGBT community, I would probably really wish I could change my sexuality to be bisexual or gay instead because I just think women are better. Sometimes I really do wish I was into women in that way because dating girls just sounds so much more appealing to me (in a non fetishizing weird way) but unfortunately I'm stuck with dating men 🤦‍♀️ But I also know I'm lucky and privileged to be straight even though most men are mediocre and kinda gross and I don't mean to be disrespectful because I know you all have to face homophobia and other LGBT difficulties and it really sucks, people are awful. There's nothing wrong with women dating women or men dating men at all, society is just ugly and bigoted

Anyway, does anybody else have a similar sort of take on Kaylor where they think they could have both been straight and just had a very close friendship with a physical side to it? I think it would explain a lot. But like I said, this is just a theory of mine based on my own situation, and I'm also open to the idea that it was an actual relationship and that they're both into women for real, not just fake "into women" like I am.

Also pls feel free to call me out if I accidentally said anything offensive towards LGBT people, I tried my best but if I made a mistake anywhere pls let me know and I'll avoid it next time!

You’re not offensive. Please stop apologizing. And we’re gonna come back to the Kaylor stuff another time because... Honey. You and I need to have a conversation for a bit.

So firstly, I’m not trying to like “diagnose” you and at the end of the day it’s your choice what you want to call yourself but... tbh you might not be straight. Sexuality is fluid not static and exists on a spectrum not in absolutes. It’s not like it’s straight, 50/50 bi, gay and you’re born knowing and there’s no room for anything else. That’s not true. There’s a lot of room in between all of these and labels can change over time. We’re people, not cereal brands, and sometimes we don’t even KNOW the word for what we might be. I’m tagging a tag for you from when we asked people to share their label journeys for you to see. It’s not simple or easy and it’s not just because of external stuff - it’s because figuring this out internally is HARD. If you found yourself having such an intense friendship it became physical, repeatedly, you liked it a lot, you still sleep in the same bed and continue to share all your thoughts and you don’t want any of that to end... I’m not sure you’re Kinsey 0. And I think you might lowkey have a girlfriend dude.

You can obviously prefer men but like... hun I reaaallly don’t think you’re completely straight.

Also: it’s okay to say “I see myself winding up with a man and this is a situationship for right now!” but that doesn’t make you straight because again, sexuality is a spectrum and you can manifest a particular kind of endgame while experiencing other things along the way.

But here’s where you really got me: “most men are mediocre and kinda gross” and “women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men” because that’s the kind of thing I used to say in my Bi 1.0 era before I ID’d as a lesbian for a bit and before Harry Styles (KING 🥺) made me bi for real. Hun, no. Straight women like men. Tbh BI women like men. I genuinely, unironically, find Harry and Timmy and Matt Smith to be sexy beasts and I would do dirty things to the former two but maybe not the latter irl in 2021 but yes also him if I could be on that Spain trip with him and Karen where they got sloshed and which I think of often. These men are genuinely fucking beautiful to me in the same way Taylor is and Di Silvers is (okay she’s prettier than all of them but like same ~vibe) and like Megan Thee Stallion is and Indira Varma in everything but especially GOT and Gillian Anderson and Keira Knightley. Like those women are HOT to me and SO. ARE. THE. MEN.

Straight women find SO MANY DUDES hot. So many. Starting from objectively pretty options I just cannot personally understand like Chris Evans all the way through to bitches who are outchea simping for wrestlers and Cole Sprouse. Do I understand? No. But like... that’s straight girl culture and ours is not to judge.

If you’re struggling to find men hot then... you might be gay.

Also, I’m not sure what you mean by “fake attraction”. Like queer women - especially femme women which I assume you very much are - experience the same kinds of feelings straight girls do. We have women we want to be like and look like and find enviable (me and Oenone Forbat) and women we find aesthetically gorgeous (me and Anya Taylor Joy) and we have extremely close female friends who we can spend hours on end spilling our guts to - as you say female friendships are truly special - and without going into personal people that you don’t know, that’s me and Cam and Sim right? I literally talk to them for hours. Like those are not gay feelings. And yes we can chat about those kinds of feelings with straight girls and call them “girl crushes” and not immediately get “caught out” because they experience this exact shit too.

But here’s the thing. They never do and I don’t want in the cases above to fuck these women. It’s not sexual.

The moment I can actually imagine fucking the women in question that’s... gay.

Like it’s not “fake attraction” it’s literally just gay. That’s how we desire women. We want to fuck them. Not all women. Not always. But sometimes we want to get under or on top of one and just really truly fucking make each other moan with pleasure.

I have no idea if Karlie or Taylor are into women. They could both literally be straight. I have no idea.

But I have a better idea about you.

Hun, you’re fucking your roommate/best friend and don’t want to stop.

You’re not “into women”.

You’re into this woman.

And possibly into women more generally.

So I know it’s weird to have to be the one to tell you this, and if you want to keep chatting via anon or in my DMs or if you want me to try collate resources for you from around the web but...

Like.

Dude.

You’re a whole ass part of the rainbow.

Welcome to the community you thought you weren’t a part of earlier today 🌈 ❤️

It’s nice here, sure there’s homophobia, but at least we get to fuck girls and man is it good.

#agony aunat #share your label journey #roommate anon <3

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lovenona · 3 years

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LONG ask ahead, sorry T^T

*arrives in a hurry after 2-3 days* *slow, appreciative clap at the ted talk* sweetie, have you got any idea how much i adore hearing you ramble about the creation process??? seeing the whole love and dedication you hold for the odyssey makes my day! (and nooo, i'm totally not reading it again bc i want to have all of it in mind for tomorrow and bc it inspires me to no end hahaha what do you mean :) )

here comes yet another question: what kind of powers do you possess to write so beautifully. your writing literally punches me in the gut every single time, even the simplest of things!! it's hauntingly beautiful and i'm living for it!

(and another one) how did you find out how the odyssey was going to end?

also, it's rambling time because i've been thinking. (i do that sometimes.) each chapter title is a reference to a greek myth, and, in particular, odysseus' myth (no clue if i've written his name right, i've always knew him as "ulysse" in my mother tongue ^^;). and so my brain went: oooh nice, greek lore ^^ and then: yo wait. hold up. which brings me here: analysing the chapter titles. (bear with me please, and feel free to ignore my enthusiastic rambling/correct me if i'm wrong which i probs will)

so first, we have the prelude. david and calypso. while i'm sure david has his importance it's almost 1 am as i'm typing this so i'm going to focus on calypso. poor nymph is stuck in an island because of the will of gods for a reason i've forgotten. but here's the catch: while she cannot leave, others can come to her (good ol' odysseus for instance) until they leave her all alone again. and the cycle unfolds again and again. which brings us to a nice parallel with reader's situation at the beginnig. she, after all, is stuck on an island with no way out but stories. comes the dilf supreme toji aka an odysseus of sorts, until he leaves her. so she's alone again. calypso there illustrates a passive state of sorts. she cannot leave, or so she thinks: while she wants to, we don't see her try per se until sukuna comes in.

ah yes. sukuna’s arrival. chapter title: neptune’s hands. Neptune, god of the seas, all powerful, also known as Poseidon absolutely terrifying if provoked — which is something Odysseus did! well, man is smart enough not to do it to his face. but he did stab a cyclope, which happened to be neptune’s son. son who swore to a haughty Odysseus that he’d pay for it. in consequence: instead of going back to Ithaca without that much of trouble, Neptune goes: nope mate, and promptly sabotage his return (with a storm who leads his ship astray if my memory is correct). Neptune serves as a catalyst in here, to properly start the action. and it so happens to be sukuna’s role! he is, as well, the one who starts reader’s journey — well, odyssey in this case ;) — by making her this offer. plus, if we consider reader as being calypso, a nymph, and sukuna as being Neptune, a god, it shows their difference in power. sukuna is a fearsome curse, captain whose name is enough to strike fear in the cruellest pirate, who can and will kill reader should he get bored of her. reader is but a printer’s apprentice, so weak compared to him it hurts.

ah, yes. the narcissus pool aka siren gojo, aka me simping so hard for this man I might squirt with the mere mention of him. yes, siren gojo is that powerful, feel free to lure me in with them baby blues sweetie *blows him a kiss* hem. anyway. long story short, an oracle said: if narcissus sees his reflection, he’ll die. people prevent him from seeing himself. ofc man is so handsome it hurts and has women and men alike running after him, including a nymph named echo. he rejects her. hera is somehow involved in the mess and makes it so that he stumbles upon a river and sees himself. entranced by his beauty, he desperately tries to reach himself and stays near the river until he dies. this one is a bit trickier (especially considering I’m writing this as I go with no coherent preparation whatsoever but damn if I’m not having fun). but. *proceeds to read it again* *sighs in ‘why the hell ain’t siren!gojo real pls sir take me’* anyway. it’s never mentioned in narcissus’ myth, but I’m pretty sure he was tempted to look at himself. at least once, considering he could wonder why on earth all those people kept falling for his looks. (or he could be pretty dumb. let’s say he isn’t) so he’s tempted by his own reflection. just like reader’s tempted to follow segsy siren gojo. he doesn’t up until hera is involved and ends up seeing his reflection. he falls. not literally, but in love — with his own self. here it’s different (and the reason why i’m strugglingTM to gather coherent thoughts). gojo is the very embodiment of this temptation — so he acts as narcissus’ reflection here. he’s the one seducing reader, the one luring her until she falls in the waters, just like narcissus did. she didn’t die though, unlike him. (thank you sukuna. I guess. yes I would’ve given my life for gojo to consume me in both ways and??) now, this is very simp-tainted (sorry bout that ^^;) and the thing I’ve noticed is this: narcissus isn’t a character in the og odyssey. could it be bc to my absolute despair, gojo’s not as much of an important character as sukuna and toji? only you know!

(the hades, psyche analysis comes in tomorrow *looks @ time* *sees it's 1 AM* well, later on! have a lovely night/day!)

- the LRE (who's very happy tumblr allowed her to do paragraph breaks/to have a pirate history book recommandation! thanks about that one btw, it'll come in handy for a ff of mine (yeah it involves pirate gojo))

wait this is so precious n thoughtful oh my gosh 😭 thoughts n vibes under the cut :’)

first of all THANK U!!!??? ur making me blush out here omg my hEART 😭

as for ur first question, ur SO SWEET n IM LOSING IT bye i genuinely don’t know i just scream and throw a bunch of commas and metaphors everywhere and somehow things happen 💀 i read a lot (english major vibes) and it’s very helpful because i tend to imitate writers/phrases/books that inspire me while i'm figuring out how i want to write !!

secondly: how did i figure out the ending of the odyssey??

answer: i think i just stumbled across this one 😭 i was brainstorming w my bestie (@/suedebunn) n she originally suggested a different version of the ending that i was like “oh wait” and then i played with it for awhile until i arrived at the version i have now ! i want to tell u more about how i arrived from point A to point B and what the process was but i will withhold because i am not giving anything away >:)

onto ur TITLE ANALYSIS!! this is SPECTACULAR! ur pretty much on the nose for all of them god damn i don’t have much to add :’) i’ll give u some of my takes tho!!

david and calypso – ur absolutely on the nose for the calypso aspect; david’s just a passing nod to the pirates of the caribbean portrayal of davy jones and the doomed relationship between him and calypso (mirroring the doomed relationship between toji and reader since he leaves them)

neptune’s hands – yes! yeah! sexy! pirate sukuna is being compared to a sea god!! also a minor teaser but sukuna’s hands are important symbolically ;-)

narcissus pool – ur brain is so big here god damn 🤲 narcissus is more of a loose reference to the idea of pride/ temptation and also hollowness/mirages (the emptiness of a reflection versus the tangibility of the real thing) so it’s not immediately a reference to the odyssey itself or even the myth (i'm taking creative liberties bye homer) but probably the best entity to use when describing gojo – the dichotomy between pride/emptiness is a lot more apparent in part 5

gosh thank u sm for this!! excited to see what u have next!!!!!!

#THIS IS SO SWEET #THANK U??!?!!!?!>!#THANKS FOR NOTICING TITLE IMPORTANCE #UR A REAL ONE #OMG!!!#letters to adele #the odyssey!#LRE anon

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #403

“ashes to ashes, watch me disappear”

If given the opportunity, would you like to star in a musical? Definitely not. I don't like musicals. Name one person you’d take a bullet for: There's honestly a lot, but Mom immediately came to mind. Any posters of a band on your bedroom wall? Yeah: Metallica and Marilyn Manson currently. I want lots more, especially an Ozzy one. Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate? I don't believe in soulmates. Do you share your bedroom with anyone? No, unless you include my cat and snake. Is your favorite color yellow? No, it's actually one of my least favorites. Were you born in a hospital? I was. Do you know the name of the person that delivered you? No, but Mom does. I think he delivered me and my two sisters, and I know Mom has seen him since for other reasons. Was your birth recorded? God no. Good call, Mom. Did you eat a peach this week? Would you believe me if I told you I had a small bit of peach pie for my sister's birthday? For some reason, I just really wanted to try some. It was okay, but the aftertaste sucked. Are you leaving the house tomorrow? Yes, for TMS therapy. Every weekday. Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? I honestly do. If you could get free vocal lessons would you take them? Probably not. I don't like singing in front of anyone, and it's not like I wanna get anywhere with my singing, so. Is your mother diabetic? She is. Are you? No. Ever sang someone to sleep? No. Who do you stalk the most through Facebook? Nobody. Have you ever deleted your Facebook, then brought it back? No. What is your main responsibility each day? Be sure to take my medications. Do you feel like you fulfill those responsibilities? Yeah. There are rare mornings where I forget, but I almost always remember. I don't fw skipping out on meds that keep my mental health stable. When was the last time you used spray paint? Good question. Do you know the middle name of the last person you kissed? Yep. Who is the friendliest person you know? My mom, probably. Something that annoys you about summer: THE HEAT. THE HUMIDITY. UGH. Something that annoys you about winter: Hm. That's hard to say, given I love winter. I guess the fact it doesn't snow enough here. Are the doors of your fridge side by side or on top of one another? Side-by-side. If you’ve moved out of the house you were born in, do you know the people who live in that house now? Nope. Have you ever cried in a movie theater? Not sobbed or anything, but I've definitely teared up and gotten the sniffles because of multiple movies. Do you read comic books? No. Do you force your way into conversations in which you are not involved? No. Have you ever seriously pretended to be clinically insane? I didn't need to pretend; I'm pretty damn sure I was for a while. Might I add that it's EXTREMELY inconsiderate to pretend you're insane, btw. Insanity is not "cool." It's not "funny." It's not "edgy." It's a serious, confusing, heart-wrenching issue that can ruin lives. Do you know anyone with a stutter? Yes, myself included when I'm even mildly nervous. And sometimes just randomly. With a lisp? I don't believe so. What was the last board game you played? The Disney version of "Pretty Pretty Princess" w/ my niece and even my nephew, even though his sexist-ass dad didn't want him to. Like let your kid have some fun with his sister and aunt, goddamn. They had a blast. It was Aubree's birthday present from me, so I am SO glad she loved it. Did you win? Ha ha, no, I always let Aubree or Ryder win. I came super close once, but I let the kids bend the rules a bit. They don't like losing, and even though they definitely need to understand that just happens and is totally fine for it to, I wasn't about to be the one to make them sad about it. When was the last time you tried to speak with an accent? OH MY LAAAAAWWWWWWD. Also at Aubree's b-day party, at one point, I spoke in a snobbish British accent while I was winning at the aforementioned game. Ryder asked, "Why are you speaking Spanish?", and I fuckin DIED. Have you ever made up a word before? Yeah, I know at least a few instances for fantasy animals in writing. When was the last time you went to a museum? A couple summers ago when my brother and his son visited, we went to a science museum. My nephew was sooooo into it. Do you have a nice yard? If so, do you spend a lot of time outside in it? If not, where do you go when you want to relax outdoors on nice days? Our front and back yards are both small and honestly very boring. The grass is a pretty green, but that's the only nice thing about it. I don't go to sit outside here on any day. Do your parents enjoy any of the things that you enjoy? Do you bond over these things? My parents and I have very similar music tastes, so there's that. I also didn't know for the longest time that Mom likes to write, which I sure as hell do, too! She doesn't really write anymore though, and she's self-conscious of it anyway, like I am. She and I also love a lot of the same shows. What is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? I think The Incredibles 2. I aaaalways wanted to know what happened after the end of the first film. Do you have any ideas for a story or movie you’re planning to write or you’d write if you had the time/had the talent? Please share a synopsis! I genuinely think some RP I've written is series-worthy, but I don't feel like re-writing the YEARS of RP into a book format, and I sincerely worry that the ridiculously dark parts could inspire people like serial killers and cause A LOT of controversy, crime-blaming, and just general hate. I don't want to be involved in that. What is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “That book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)? Compliment my Markiplier tattoo, obviously knowing it's a tribute to him, and we're essentially besties. Is there a person in your life (maybe barely) that you feel in constant competition with (even just in your imagination)? Maybe you feel they are consistently outshining you? Ugh... there's a local photographer that's much more successful than I am that I admittedly am very envious of. I swear to whatever god you may believe in that I mean it from a modest perspective, I really, really do, but I genuinely think my skills surpasses hers, and she's only more prevalent because photography REALLY is about who you know. She's talented, yes, but like... come on. If you are single, even if you are normally happily single, are there certain specific things you witness that make you wish you were in a relationship (e.g., people getting engaged)? I mean yeah. I miss cuddling, holding hands, kissing, just being cute together, and especially people getting engaged or having kids. It's such a trigger to me. Once upon a time, that's all I wanted with Jason. I wanted to be that beautiful couple that got married and had two or three loved-beyond-words children, but then he left so abruptly, and I feel like it was so brutally robbed from me. I don't want kids anymore like at all, but the point still stands that I felt like my dreams were just ripped away. Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? I use "Ozzkat" just about everywhere. Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? OHHHHHHHHHH YEAH. There have been a couple days or so where I was totally glued to looking up various tattoo designs, bingeing let's plays or conspiracy theory videos, etc. etc. If you ever think about getting married, what are some aspects of the wedding that you would like to see in a non-traditional manner (e.g., a different color dress or “partners” over “husband” and “wife”)? I WILL NOT get married in a church, first of all. I'm also not having the traditional vows, and I probably won't wear a white dress, but instead black. Salt & vinegar, barbecue, sour cream & onion, or cheddar? Ohhhh, I like all those options but barbecue. I think I've gotta go with sour cream & onion, though. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? A D O R A B L E ! ! ! I think they're ordinarily geeky, but I mean, geeky is cute in my world. :^) Do you believe in demonic possession? How about ghosts? Angels? Angels, no. Spirits/ghosts, 100%. I don't exactly believe in demons, per se, but I do question if evil spirits can possess someone. What is one romantic movie that you enjoy enough to watch more than once? I've seen The Notebook numerous times. Name three countries you want to visit; why those three? South Africa to interact with meerkats at the KMP, somewhere up in Canada to see the Northern Lights, and Germany just because, really. I took German for four semesters, and the culture and all just interests me. Do you have a good luck charm? No, considering I don't believe they do jack. Do you use Skype to talk to your friends? Only Sara. Now that I have Discord semi-figured out now though, we'll probably use that for voice chatting. Are you allergic to any animals? I might be allergic to dogs. Do you usually spend your weekends out, or at home? I'm like... always at home. Do you think it’s wrong for people to say "retard/retarded" as an insult? Absofuckinglutely. Don't pull that shit when I'm around. Have you ever had to go to the police department? No. Have you ever lived through a hurricane? Plenty. Have you ever had a home-grown tomato? Yes, from my old friend's garden. We'd have delicious tomato, mayo, and bacon sandwiches. The only instance where I've enjoyed tomatoes. Have you ever held a real gun? The former friend I mentioned just before, her husband always carried a gun, and he just needed me to hold it for a sec for some reason I don't recall. I hated the feeling. Would you rather wear Converse or Vans? I like both, but I think I prefer Converse. Have you ever been called bipolar? Yes, because I clinically am. Have you ever made fun of a handicapped person? FUCK no. And like the "retarded" thing, don't you fucking DARE to do this in front of me. I WILL deck the shit out of you. Do you think it’s okay to have sex before marriage? Sure, as long as you're being safe and are very thorough in communication. Do you like to watch old sitcoms? I don't really watch TV as I say in like every survey it seems, but I do enjoy some old sitcoms I grew up watching with my mom, like The Nanny, The Golden Girls, The Munsters, etc. If asked, could you run a mile nonstop right now? Being completely serious, I don't even know if I CAN physically run right now. My legs are so incredibly weak, and I'm humiliatingly close to what my heaviest weight was back in 2016, so I can almost guarantee my knees would crumple if I tried. Do you wear those rubber wristbands? I used to. I don't really like bracelets nowadays. If a necklace/ring gives you green marks, do you still wear it? Nope. Have you ever driven an electric car? No. When was the last time you saw someone you went to high school with? Uhhhh idk. What breed was the last dog you saw? A fucking GOLIATH of a lab. I shit you not when I say my sister's roommate's dog Hudson is the size of a goddamn bear. How long have your parents been together (or how long were they together, if they no longer are): I wanna say they were together at the very least 20 years. What has been your most epic cooking failure? I once accidentally put something (I don't remember what) in the microwave for around 45 minutes I believe, and I walked away and completely forgot about it. I remembered a long while later, and safe to say, it wasn't edible, whatever it was, lmao. Have you ever been to Mexico? No. Have you ever had a parrot sit on your shoulder? No, but that'd be cool. Has anyone in your life ever treated you abusively? No. How long has it been since your last breakup? Somewhere around two years ago? My memory is so garbage nowadays. Can you concentrate well while listening to music, or do you find it distracting? It's distracting, usually. What’s something you’ve been struggling with lately? I've been pretty bad about drinking too much soda lately. :/

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''under the graveyard'' by ozzy osbourne

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feifood · 3 years

Note

Okey first of all:

I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH LIKE- GODDAMN BABYGORL

BESTIE HERE YOUR DAILY HUG ༼ つ ◕◡◕ ༽つ

Sooo-

With who do you match me with in HxH/jjk (was that proper English?💀🤚🏼)

Anyways✨🧚‍♀️

I LOVE hyping people up ISTG BEST THING EVER

I love to laugh and make other laugh and I love drawing, reading and ofc ✨mah bestie✨

I am shy, akward, weird, a crackhead and kinda smart (?)

awesome,right? (Notice sarcasm 😀👍🏼)

I look like that: (sorry, I suck at explaining lmao)

I am 168cm/5”6 (I have no idea if it’s right I used google 💀 probably wrong)

I am kinda chubby

I have a light skin color (but not really tho-) kinda brown (but like a LITTLE LITTLE BIT brown)

I wear a hijab 🧕🏼 💅🏼

I speak three languages (German, Arabic and English ✨irrelevant✨)

My favorite colors are indigo and black

Sheeeeeeesh

I think that’s it...?

OH-

I am an Aquarius sun (I don’t know the others lol)

And I am a go with the flow type of person 🤸‍♀️✨

(Btw I am random AF 💀🤚🏼)

HAVE A GREAT WEEK BABE-

I LOVE UUUUUUU 💕

PEACE OUT ✌🏼

I match you up with ...

Yuji Itadori !!

If someone thinks that Yuji is a handful, just wait until they’re met with you two together. Chaotic would be an understatement, but it’s a good type of chaotic. Your energies just match up so well, when Yuji is with you, he never has a dull moment. He’s always been seen as cheerful and he’s definitely met people who don’t reciprocate the same amount of emotion as he does -- which is why when he’s with you it feels like a big relief, a weight off his shoulders. With you he can be himself, as goofy as he wants and as crazy as he wants. With you there’s no one to judge him, no one to tell him to ‘grow up’ and ‘be more serious.’ That being said, the relationship isn’t always living in a utopia, Itadori lets out his deepest vulnerabilities show when he’s with you because he knows that you’ll understand. He’s never really liked to show his own weaknesses, purely due to the fact that he’s so used to prioritizing others over himself. But something about the way you hold him, the way your voice softly reminds him that it’s going to be okay; it makes him feel at home. Yuji’s had to deal with many loss in his life, and he never really had a family go to at the end of the day, but ever since he met you he’s learned just how nice it is to be loved by someone.

AHH HI THERE !! Please you’re soso sweet -- I’m so glad to hear that you like my works :)) Your request was great babes and it was so fun to write hehe,, thank you so much for participating !! And I hope you like your match up

With that being said, take care cutie, stay safe <3333

#fei.MatchupEvent

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shereadsandwritesformelanin · 4 years

Text

The Baker And Her Actor: part Viii [Three Weeks Come With Me?] prt 2 here (continues)

Parings: Chris Evans x Black!fem reader

Summary: You meet Chris Evans while making a house delivery for the Evans. He can’t get you off his mind and to be honest neither can you.

Warnings: profanity and sexual content (anal) but overall fluff.

Notes: I hope you guys enjoy! If you have any request be sure to send them my way!

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

*btw guys in this timeline it’s been about a year almost*

SMUTFUL SUNFUL ACTIVITIES TO CUM😏, see what I did there.

You shift in bed grumbling as your awaken prematurely, Chris not by your side.

You touch where he laid snugged into you last night, that area still warm with his body’s impression.

Chris was never one to sleep in late but you, you could sleep all day if someone didn’t wake you up.

But ever since you and Chris had turned your sleep overs into week-overs you’d become accustomed to waking up early .

You raise out of bed walking down the long hallway toward the kitchen where Chris would us usually be cooking breakfast or brewing coffee.

You peak in to find neither, maybe he’d gone on a run with dodger.

But you then turn dodger in his doggy bed curled up with his lion toy.

Strange.

“Hey boo boo, you seen bubba and Haneli?” You question dodger as if he responded

The biggest response you got from dodger was a tired tail wag.

“Alright I’ll find them myself.” You mutter

You walk back down the long hallway checking each room hoping to find your boyfriend.

You stop when you hear voices filling his office room.

Gotcha.

You listen in to his conversation. You knew it was wrong but what if it was something he didn’t want you to hear.

“I know, I know it’s press, but three weeks I can’t leave her like that. Not again.” Chris speaks to the other person on the line.

“I understand Chris but if you bring her this is gonna confirm a relationship. People brushed off the tmz scandal but this just screams we are together. Do you want people in y/n’s life like that.”

Megan.

You heard a loud sigh leave Chris. He was contemplating.

Chris loved your very much and he didn’t want to leave you for almost a month, again. “I’ll talk to her, it’s her decision ultimately. But know where I stand on it is final.” Chris says.

“Okay Chris, I’m just worried for her that’s all.” Megan sighs

“I thought you didn’t even like her?” Chris quips

Your heart sinks. You thought for the most part everyone in his circle liked you at least a little. You hadn’t necessarily met his family yet but he said he’d told them about you.

“I was skeptical at first but I can see she’s a good girl who cares about you, and I care about you so that’s all that matters.” Megan explains

“Thanks I’ll talk to her by tomorrow, gotta go.” Chris speaks hanging up.

“Talk to me about what?” You ask busting into the room finding a sleeping Haneli on the floor beside his feet.

“Uh morning babe I had no idea you were up.” Chris shakes rubbing the back of his neck.

You walk over to him sitting in his lap cupping his face and placing a warm kiss on his soft lips. “What were you talking about, I was listening the whole time.’ You explain. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.’ Chris says kissing your forehead. “Just- I’ve gotta go away for another press tour, the knives out one. And I don’t want to leave you but I have to go it’s work.” Chris explains head hung low.

You sigh . “ i don’t want you to go but I understand it’s work. You have to do it babe.”

“Well that’s just the thing, I do have to go but I’m wondering how my best girl would feel if I asked her to go with me.” Chris stated

You shoot him a perplexed look searching his eyes for any signs of doubt. None.

“Really?” You grinned ‘I mean I’m honored but who would take care of the bakery? And I wouldn’t want to smother you.”

Chris takes you small hands into his rubbing your smooth palms in a circular motion. “You wouldn’t smother me, maybe talk to your team about it. I don’t need an answer today.” Chris told

You sigh stepping off his lap allowing him to stand up, he places a smooth kiss onto your lips “Okay.” You whisper into the kiss.

It had been two days since Chris popped the question of the press tour onto you.

You thought about repeatedly, the only thing holding you back was the responsibility of the bakery and letting your team down.

“Kiara I really want to go but I’m afraid to leave you guys and the bakery unattended.” You lie

“Are you afraid to leave the bakery or your little bubble of reality and step into the shows of an A-list celebrities fuck toy?” Kiara sasses a grin plastered on her face.

You roll your eyes taking another sip of your homemade mijito. “For one, I’m not his fuck toy I’m his girlfriend, and that’s part of it as well but mostly the responsibility.

“Let me do it.” Kiara blurts

“Do you what?” You chuckle

“Watch the bakery, keep the crew in line.” Kiara advised ‘I promise I’ll make sure everything stays in check, I just want you to have fun and relax with your white chocolate side peice.

You giggle at her outrages description of Chris. “Why do you hate him so much, didn’t you use to be a fan.”

“Oh you know I love his fine ass, just have to tease him now that he’s my besties boyfriend. She jokes “how that’s five words I thought I’d never say.”

“Whatever!’You shout shoving her slightly. “Okay, I’m going to go. Please be good Kiara.

“When am I not?” She quips taking a long sip of her drink.

Lord please protect my bakery.

“You ready to go?” Chris says grabbing your suitcase as you search the room once more for anything missing.

“Yup, I believe so.” You assure

“Let’s get going don’t wanna be late.” Chris states

A black Escalade picks you and Chris up from his house driving you to the airport.

The tension was thick, not because you two were in a fight. Far from it, you were nervous about going on tour with him it would be an experience like no other.

You knew the moment you stepped out of this truck your life would never be the same, Chris new it too.

Chris rubbed sympathetic circles on the back of your palm attempting to calm you down.

You turn in his directions shooting him a soft small smile before burying your head into the crook of his neck.

“We are hear Mr. Evans.” The driver announces opening the trunk Begining to remove our bags.

You could physically hear your heartbeat now. If it beats any faster you were sure you’d be able to see it.

Flashing lights could be seen from your perhiperhal as they shouted Chris’s name over, and over again.

“Chris!”

“Chris look this way!”

“You look amazing!”

“Any news on the avengers movies!”

How could they shout these things when he hadn’t even stepped out of the shadows yet?

“Hey.” Chris speaks snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Hmm.” You hum eyes glued on his.

“I’m gonna get out first and open the door for you. Keep your head down and ignore them don’t say anything.” Chris instructs

You nod in agreement one hundred percent intended on following his instructions.

“Megan will meet us inside near security.”

“Secrurity.” You question

“Measures.” Chris tells quickly slipping out of the car causing the paps to go insane.

You suck in a deep breath tighten the rim around your hoodie slipping on your glasses.

Your eyes go wide when Chris opens the door for you. Immediately you take your hand in his as you both speed walk pass the crowd of paparazzi.

“Chris is this a girlfriend?”

“Ma’am what’s your name?”

“Is she pregnant?”

“Chris did you get her pregnant?”

“How long have you been seeing each other?”

Your eyes swell with tears, overwhelmed by the amount of obscured questions you and Chris were being asked.

Chris can feel the anxiety rushing over you, he pulls you closer to him tucking you into his side. “I’m right here, ignore them.” Chris says in an attempt to calm you down.

Finally you make it into the airport, security meeting you both at the door Megan by their side.

You clutch your chest taking serval deep breaths hoping yo ground your self from that horrifying experience.

“Hey it’s okay. I’m sorry.” Chris whispers pulling you in for a hug shielding you from the paparazzi that was still peaking in.

“Not your fault.” You stammer trying not to cry.

I hope this wasn’t all for nothing.

Finally you and Chris’s team de-board the private jet you flew into Los Angeles on.

The whole flight you were an anxious mess, all those pictures the paparazzi snapped of you were going to be on every news page seeing Chris was one of America’s golden boys.

You feel Chris squeeze your hand alerting you it was time to go. “Ready.”

“More than I’ll ever be, I guess.” You lie.

There was no amount of research or books that could prepare you for this.

Trust me you had looked it up.

How to deal with my boyfriend being famous.

My boyfriends famous help.

You even joined a redit to see if they could support you, but sadly not to many non-famous people are holding hands with people in the lime light.

Chris helps you down from the jets stairs guiding you into another black suv that you assumed was taking you to your hotel room.

Good. You just wanted to shower and sleep, and maybe when you woke up Chris wouldn’t be famous.

“So Chris you know you have the dinner with the cast tonight and tomorrow morning you have the meeting with Scarlett and her team as well as the golden globes administration for your award presentation.” Megan explains running down his lengthy itinerary.

You turn his way. “I didn’t know you had all that going on this early in.”

Before Chris’s lips could move to say a word Megan chimes in.

“Honey you didn’t think these three weeks were a paid vacation for you two, it’s not honey moon yet.” She snarls snickering looking back down at her phone.

You roll your eyes sinking deeper into your hoodie just wanting sleep and drift away to another galaxy at this point.

Chris leans into you. “I promise when I’m free it’ll be just you and me.” He whispers subtly nibbling at your ear moving down and placing a faint kiss on your lips.

You give in chuckling a bit feeling a familiar heat rushing to your core. There was another reason you so desperately wanted to get your hotel as soon as possible.

You were in awe as you arrived at the hotel room. Astound at how huge and classy it was. “Wow I’ve never been in any hotel even close to three stars let alone five.” You gasp

Chris loved seeing you smile it made his heart warm. He knew even now you didn’t have much, you struggled with the bakery and your rent this were some of the things he loved about you, your grind and determination. That was part of the reason he loved to spoil you, he had too much and wanted nothing more than to shower you with his luxury.

Chris sneaks up behind you scooping you up bridal style. “I knew you’d love it. Pick it out for you.” He says slowly kissing you.

You moan. “Did you?”

“Yeah, I did.” He said before tossing you on the giant California king bed.

You let out a loud school girl shriek.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” Chris comments flopping down on top of you careful not to put his full body weight on you.

Giggling you manage. “what’s that?”

“Well when I’ve got my own thing going on I want you to have your own thing as well.”

You prop up on your elbows. “Like what, what do you have in mind?”

“Well, for example tomorrow I’m going to be gone practically all day so I thought I set you up a spa day and send you with sole money to go shopping.” Chris states rubbing the back of his neck.

It was obvious he was nervous. He loved spoiling you with special and sentimental gifts sometimes monetary gifts which you often hated but excepted them anyway. You hated feeling like his charity case but he always reassured that wasn’t the truth.

“Chris, am I your sugar baby or your girlfriend.” You snicker eyeing him

“I mean you could be both, I actually got you something. It’s already here.” Chris says jumping up jogging to the closet.

Moments later He comes out of the closet with a beautiful silk lavender lingerie set. “If you want to be my sugar baby so bad.”

You bite your lip running up to him attempting to grab the outfit. It dangled from his pointer finger as he raised his hand higher making you reach for it.

You stand on your tippy toes grabbing the outfit, not before he could steal a swift kiss and placing a lustful snack on your ass.

You gasp letting out a ‘pre-porno moan’ teasing him.

“Don’t keep me waiting rabbit.” Chris called.

“Don’t rush me daddy.”

Let’s just say that lingerie didn’t stay on for too long.

You wake up from your rough night, sore to say the least.

You shift in the luxurious hotel bed almost sinking with each twist and turn.

You didn’t even bother looking for Chris because you knew he’d be gone for a majority of the day.

You finally step out of bed letting your feet take in the cold tile floors. Naked your nipples immediately pierce with the cold atmosphere of the hotel room.

You quickly shuffle down the long hallway to the main area where you find a lovely decorated breakfast layout, a tray with a silk white robe and envelope your name signed on it.

You quickly open the letter popping a grape into your mouth.

Dear y/n,

I know I’ll be gone all today, but I still want you to have a amazing day. I’ve set up a spa and facial for you at 10:30 a.m, when that’s over the car will come and get you taking you to the mall, spend the money please, you deserve it.

Xoxo, Love daddy.

This man is so cheeky.

You couldn’t lie the letter mad your heart swell. Everything Chris did for you made your heart swell. If he asked you to marry him today you would definitely say yes.

Quickly you scarf down the assortments of food layed out in front of you. Seeing you were already naked you threw on the delicate rob rushing to the bathroom to at least brush your teeth and throw you hair into a pineapple.

You hear a knock on the door, “coming!” You shout tying the last loop around your pony.

You unlock the door, shocked to see three guest standing in front of you.

“Mrs. Evans, for a facial and body massage with hot rocks.” One lady says reading a roll call sheet

You liked the ring of the name ‘Mrs. Evans’ do you didn’t bother to correct them. “Um, yes just this way.” Opening the door wide enough for them to get through and set up.

You were giddy. This would be your first massage and you were more than ready.

Laying down on your face you immediately release a groan as they worked their magic molding your skin like fondant.

With every tug and push you felt your body getting looser and looser like gelo.

This man was definitely getting it tonight.

“Thank you so much!” You shout once more down the hall as the magicians leave your hotel room.

Changed and ready to go you still hadn’t looked inside the gifted envelope. You picked it up and definitely had weight to it.

You knew Chris loved you as you loved him but showering you in monetary gifts made you feel like a charity case.

But he insisted, so you grabbed the envelope putting your guilt aside so you could shop until you dropped.

Leaving the room your phone began to ring in your pocket.

“Baby!” You elated into the phone

“Hey, how was it?” You could feel him smiling through the phone

“Amazing, thank you so much Chris.” You rave

“You’re welcome, I know you needed a little ‘R&R.’ Chris comments

“I’m buying something for tonight.” You purr.

“Why’s that?”

“Don’t play with me, you know why.” You respond

“Actually I don’t could you be specific.” Chris begged

“I’m going to treat you tonight, I’m going to treat you so well tonight daddy.” You teased

You heard a low groan escape his lips. “Can’t wait.”

As of recent that word had been your superpower always making Chris weak.

“I know you can’t.’ I gotta go the cars here for me daddy.” You purr teasing him once more.

“Stop before I do something I regret.”

“Love to see you try.” You challenge quickly you hang up to heighten the suspense for tonight, you knew the moment Chris got back to the hotel he’d be all over you, but tonight was about him. Showing him how grateful you are.

At the mall you hit every store you could think off. Picking up shoes, clothes, bras, and makeup. But you were still fishing for the one outfit that would make Chris’s jaw drop.

That’s when you found it, modeling in the mirror calling your name. The bubble gum pink lace up would have him salivating just to touch. Not to mention the stripper heels you’d pair it with.

You immediately dash into the store practically ripping it off display, no need to try it on the buster the better.

You had a plan and you needed to put it into motion. “Hi, yes I’m ready to go now.” You speak your driver.

Getting to the hotel you drop all your bags off into the room, rushing to the phone to call room service. You knew Chris loved a good steak and potatoes so you went and ordered that, nothing for yourself because what you’d be having tonight was a different kind of meat.

You take a quick shower making sure to have you downstairs area squeaky clean, and to put the icing on the cake you took a special pill to enchane the night. Not that Chris wasn’t an enhancement enough, but you wanted to try something new.

The food came minutes before Chris walks through the door. “Honey?”

“I’m back here!” You call rushing to clean up and dispose of your little pink pill.

Please don’t get me pregnant tonight.

Rushing you shuffle out of the bathroom looking flawless as your robe covers the dirty secret beneath.

Maybe it was the site of seeing your boyfriend or it was pull doing what it said it was made to do, because you could already feel your cunt throbbing.

“Hey.” You say jumping into his arms.

“Someone missed me.” Chris jokes

Taking his hand you guide him to where his food and a bottle had been delivered. “More than you know.” You smirk.

He’s in for a treat tonight.

“Sit.” You say practically pushing him into the seat.

You wanted him to have all his energy for tonight.

You begin pouring him a drink. “So tell me about your day.” Slipping into his lap purposefully rubbing against his crotch

“Mhm, it was great lots of interviews. But not as good as I know tonight will be.” Chris smirks

“And what makes you so sure about tonight Mr. Evans?” You tease cutting up his steak forking one

“Because I always get what I want.” He speaks eyes dark and filled with lust. Even though your pussy was aching It wasn’t going to this easy for him tonight.

You lift the fork moving it toward his mouth, Chris opens letting you feed him. “Do you.”

“ I do.”

You continue feeding him in silence, your pussy leaked as you now straddled him while subtly grinding on his velvet pants feeling him grow hard.

“Fuck.” He moaned low through his chews

“I’ll be right back.” You whisper into his ear biting it

He lets you go but not before slapping your ass, hard.

Core leaking you run back toward the room, unboxing your heels slipping into them, twirling and walking back to Chris who was now finished with his plate.

“Done already?”

Chris’s eyes racked your body up and down knees almost buckling at how good you looked. He walked over to you completely ignoring your question scooping you up crashing his lips onto yours.

The pill was enhancing every touch. Your nipples were rock hard and your were pretty sure you had already came, twice.

Chris lips moved toward your sweet spot on your neck sucking on it getting a good grip with his lips.

“Yes!” You moan shaking.

Chris could feel your eruption unfolding, this was nothing like you’d ever done before but he wasn’t going to complain.

Pulling away, “I want tonight to be about you.”

Slipping off the counter your knees press into the cold tile, unbuckling his belt and pants ripping them down. Slowly peeling his boxer off to reveal a hard swollen cock.

“Fuck.” You moan at the sight it was so beautiful, slightly daydreaming about the times your juices dripped down his shaft.

You kiss his tip serval times lubercating it with your spit,swirling your tounge around it. “Yes, fuck y/n.” Chris moans leaning his head back in pleasure

“You like that daddy?” You ask teasing him knowing he wouldn’t respond mind to clouded with pleasure.

You plunge into his dick taking it deep into your mouth, gagging on every girthy inch. Making sure to be vocal and slurpy with every dirty suck.

Chris was in heaven feeling your warm lips contracting on his thick cock was sending him into orbit.

Chris reaches down pulling you off grabbing your neck. “I can’t take this.”

Chris takes you lifting you onto the counter practically slamming you down. “Fuck!” You shout

He forcefully spreads you shaken legs open revealing your throbbing swolllen slit. He waste no time devouring your pink bean sucking it like it was his last beverage.

You could barely function with this pleasure. Chris was always good with making you cum multiple times with head alone but this time, this time was different.

You arch your back tugging on his hair roughly grabbing anything to stabilize yourself. You were a moaning mess, legs shaking ferociously as you called out in please. “Oh yes, I’m going to cum- I’m gonna. Fuck!” You moan spilling juicing into his mouth.

“Come here, taste yourself.” Chris demands lust tracing his eyes.

You make your way to his lips sucking them dry tasting your sweet juices that flowed from his pink lips to his scruff beard.

“I want you to take me.” You whimper turning around poking your ass in the air. “Please.”

“Yes ma’am.” Chris obeys lining his hard tip up with your dripping cunt barely slipping in.

“Not there.” A breathy moan escaping your lips. You reach back gripping his shafting directing it to your right rose bud. “Here.” You moan.

You had never done anal but the mixture of the dirty kitten pill and the smell of gijn in the air was making you take risk.

Chris staled for a moment. This was his first time as well, all his past girlfriends had never been into anal he was practically salivating to feel your tightness.

“Chris.” You moan desperately

“Sorry.” He grunts slipping in with a surprising ease. You both release animalistic growls.

“Faster!” You moan as Chris grabs your arms pulling you further off the counter

He rolls his hips picking up his speed deepening the access in your bud.

You were on another planet, foggy eyesight tears streaming down your face in pleasure. “Oh my god!’ Oh my god!”

“You like that! Huh?” Chris shouts slapping your ass pounding deeper inside

“Yes please I love it!’ Give me your babies please Uh!”

As soon as you said it, the only sound the filled the room was his quickened pace as your skin slapped together echoing the walls around you.

You didn’t even care if he heard you or not you just wanted to take every inch of him. Swallow and hold him inside of you forever.

Chris flips you over pulling out and shoving his throbbing cock inside your pussy, immediately going to work.

“I fucking love you!” You moan staring into his ocean eyes that same chain mesmerizing you.

“I love you more!” Chris moans squeezing his eyes close as he releases into.

He pulls out as you rush on your knees to take his load on your face, he jerks off spreading his paint on your canvas.

Part II Here!

#chris evans #chris evans angst #chris evans fandom #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans imagine #chris evans x black ofc #chris evans x black reader #chris evans x poc!reader #chris evans x woc #chris evans x y/n

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facelessxchurch · 4 years

Note

What we’re your thoughts about the book?

Some asks were answered already in this post already so I just smacked those asks in here at the part where I talk about the topic in question, which is why the answer may not 100% fit the question.

Massive “Seasons of War” spoilers below the cut:

First off, of all, this book read like GoT/any zombie movie ever. With the necromancers being like the white walkers, Vile is the night king and daugar are the wights. even with the necromancers crumbling away after Vile got killed Tell me I’m not the only one seeing that.

I think there was a lot of fanservice and some confirmed headcanons in the book, which I really liked. Saracen magic got revealed, there was a return to the Leibniz dimension, the Vile vs Vile fight so many wanted finally happened (tho that was kinda underwhelming) and the Dead Men returned which I’m sure made a lot of people happy.

Ravel poisoning Saracen during the war and Vile being so powerful bc of being dead were two popular headcanons that got confirmed. And I am personally so happy that this book killed the ‘there is no sarcasm in the Leibniz dimension’ headcanon bc I bloody hated that.

Finally, Landy tries to please the old fans instead instead of what feels like purposefully pissing them off. I guess the phase 2 book sales weren’t that great so far (nice try blaming it on the pandemic, but no).

I’m also glad that the romance in this book was kept to a minimum bc The Val/Militsa kiss in the beginning, yikes, fanfiction has better written kisses than that. And the the dialog for the lesbian love triangle (bc for some reason Ms.Wicked aka Laura’s self insert is Militsa’s ex??) was cringy and stiff as hell, it felt more like first graders trying to do a dramatic play and not natural at all.

Surprisingly enough Mevolent’s and Serafina’s relationship seems to be the most healthy and romantic in the entire series and I have no idea if that was on purpose or if Landy just has twisted views on relationships.

I however am actually kinda happy with how Mev was written. He was sympathetic and charismatic, tho some of the stuff he did doesn’t fit to they way he’s characterised when he’s on screen (I know he is probably lying 90% of the time he speaks, but still). Like, banning all languages apart from English doesn’t seem like something a man who cares about culture, literature and art would do. It also seems kinda stupid bc those languages will be forgotten eventually and if they need an old text translated no one will be able to do it. Also, why English? Isn’t Mev old enough that his first/original language should be Gaelic? So weird. I have the feeling this was mainly done so Valkyrie (and with that the audience) can understand what the people on the continent are saying bc I very much doubt she understands/speaks any languages apart from English.

But I loved that Mev was also shown as insanely smart. He managed to outsmart Val multiple times. And I love how he doesn’t need his magic to fight, how quick and agil and skilled he is. So I take it that his fighting style is more based on agility and not getting hit, and he uses brute force only when forced into it (by Darquesse/the Unnamed). I was wondering about that bc his armor is made of leather and chainmail instead of metal plates which is considered light armor and not something a tank type of fighter would wear.

What really rubbed me the wrong way tho was when he was talking Tanith and Skul and more or less stated the war wasn’t a challenge anymore ever since Skul died. Or when he was talking to Val being like ‘you’re more powerful than I could ever hope to be’.It bothers me even more knowing that Val is based on girlfriend!Laura. Does really everyone and everything in-vers, even a big bad like Mev, rub Skul’s/Landy’s and Val’s/Laura’s ego? Big yikes.

Crespular Vies is surprisingly fun. At first I thought the two men going after the Obsidian Blade were hired by the Unnamed, but since that wasn’t the case, I think Crespular Vines hired them that so he could show up in time to save Omen and his friends. I think him opening up to Omen about being Skul’s former partner came too unprompted, too quickly and that he is trying to gain Omen’s trust so he can get close to Skul through him. I think another giveaway that that’s the case is bc one of the men Omen had to meet to get his brother back wore a Cleaver outfit and Vies gave that man probably the same reasoning Omen gave him.

That said Omen’s chapters were surprisingly enjoyable. By what I had heard of others I expected a sad sack that can’t fight worth a damn.

I’m not found of the Temper/Kierre stuff, it came out of nowhere.

Val is overpowered AF, it seems that she can get on Darquesses level with more practise/learning how to keep the doors open. She certainly needs to be nerfed.

Also I skipped the Darquesse chapters bc I’m giving negative fucks about her and the plague doctor.

The last 10% of the book were too rushed and felt like half finished thoughts.

Also I was kinda really bothered by the citizen of the Leibniz dimension. They were cartoonishly racist and it was very pretty black and white for the most part AKA everybody good is in the Resistance and all other sorcerers are evil/corrupt. That is also shown by there being children in the Resistance camp while there was no mention of children in the mage cities. In reality, most people are fairly mellow and it’s just a small percentage that is either really good or really wicked. I would have liked to see more racism towards mortals in form of apathy or ‘the soft bigotry of low expectations’ like I’ve seen it from Serpine in DotL. You know, make it a little less black and white.

Also, I understand the mermaids, but the bats in Europe were random AF. Like, I would understand it if they were just in Romania/Transylvania as a nod to the Dracula-typ vampire legends originating from there. As a plot-device they weren’t really needed to keep the protagonists from flying bc the danger of getting spotted by necromancer by doing so should be enough of a threat to keep them on the ground. This might seem nit-picky of me, but the bats just seemed so bloody random to me like wtf????

And also bc I’m a slut for magical creatures, I would have really liked to see more of them than just daugar and giant bats. Some undead cut together and resurrected necromancer experiments would have been pretty cool tbh. Like whatever the hell this is.

Something like zombie bears would have also been acceptable, I mean, bears are fucking terrifying on their own, let alone when undead and decaying.

I’m kinda pissed at China that she wanted Skul to kill Nef, but it does seem in character. Of course I still don’t like it bc I headcanon as Nef, Eliza and China having been besties during the war (no matter what canon says, I’m keeping that headcanon). I’m surprised Skul didn’t let Wreath have Nef considering that. Then again, he thought Nef might still be useful. And he was right. I loved how Nef actually had an essential part in saving the world by throwing the bomb. So proud of my boi <3 But Skul refused to kill him even after that. Could it be that Skul is finally getting character growth and development? 👀

Aaaand, China’s continuing to be a tyrant. With Tanith’s sense of justices flaring up shown when he killed the city governor, Erato, and Nef being shown to go after people that betray him (Lorien) I think those two are being set up to go after China to kill her (and to probably kill Creed too). Imagine Eliza joining the team bc she want a piece of China too.

I feel sorry for Baron, but at least he got a few speaking lines this time around. Still, I really wanted Nef to save him. :C Like, he suffered so much before he died too considering he spend a year alone starving and thirsty with broken legs in the middle of nowhere wft, why is Baron getting fucked over like this? #BaronDeservedBetter2020 he is the only honorable person of all faceless followers and he’s the one that gets screwed over in every book he shows up in, why tho- 😭

Speaking of Nef, I absolutely loved him in this book, he was a delight and stealing the show whenever he was on the page, despite being used as punching bag through pretty much the entire book. If people have always treated him that way I can see why he turned evil jfc that poor man. Despite that, he was still being such a clever, funny and relatable bae <3 He’s described as ‘cynical, and nasty but also kinda cheerful’ and as liking to ‘needle’ people (aka trolling and roasting) by Val and that essentially describes every shitposter on the internet ever. And I so loved the way he roasted Saracen lmao

And how he’s so clever, like the Lorien part was my favourite scene closely followed by how Nef essentially talked Remus Crux into getting himself killed, just 👌 smart snek boi, I love him <3 Also I hope he keeps poisoning everybody thoughts against Skul like how he had already been doing it to Tanith, he’s poison in human form and that’s just my jam.

That obedience bracelet was kinda fucked up tho.

Why does this thing even exist? Aren't electro shocks or any other form of pain enough instead of shutting his nervous system down/rendering him completely defenceless? I feel like some messed up mage 100% used it to keep himself (sex) slaves at some point in time :/ Landy might have gotten that idea from some fucked up hentai. Even the implications of the name "obedience bracelet".... I can’t be the only one that got creepy perv vibes from that thing, right?

Btw what the fuck happened to Harmony? You know, Leibniz Serpine’s girlfriend. She hasn’t been mentioned again. Did she die? She didn’t seem too found of him in DotL, was she plotting against him and he found out about it, killed her and fled the Resistance? Or did she die prior to him leaving and it was part of the reason he left bc she was the only thing that had tied him emotionally to the Resistance?? Or Landy just forgot she existed. I would not be surprised.

Of course my biggest issue with this book was how he retconned Nef’s magic and how he took his trademark, his red hand, away, but more about that in a different post.

TL;DR: Nef was a delight even though he was done dirty. Mev’s scenes were a 50/50 split between good and bad. I actually liked the Crespulare and Omen chapters. The Unnamed was a disappointment. The last 10% of the book were to rushed and the final fights that were supposed to be the biggest were underwhelming. The rest is meh, didn’t really care tbh. Let’s be real here, I only bought this book bc Nef played a bigger role in it, anyways.

#skulduggery pleasant #seasons of war #seasons of war spoilers #review #book review #I hate 'read more'#but this got so bloody long #RIP mobile users #long post #Anonymous #answered

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atypical60 · 5 years

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Far be it to not take advantage of Oona’s pre-wedding events to not make it about me. OK?

Remember. It’s all about MOI!!!!

Anyway, last weekend I flew to Cincinnati for Oona’s Bridal Shower. You saw a sneak peak at my last blog post but I’m gonna elaborate more on the weekend.

And boy was this a fantastic Bridal Brunch!!

As the Mother-of-the-Bride naturally.

Number 4 is the only one Oona has stressed. I did that at her shower when we all introduced ourselves. My sense of humor got the best of me as I introduced myself as “…..as Oona exited my Origin of the World…” immediately, I was pulled aside and warned in a kind way to NOT say anything like that at the wedding. (shhhh–don’t tell but I don’t follow rules!)

I took Friday off from work because I wanted a true three-day weekend. That’s the thing about working in a low-level clerical position—you need permission to get a day off. In my other places of employment, it was much easier to finagle time off as a freebie—trust me. I also worked my schedule out to accommodate leaving early on Thursday afternoon so I could fly from Philly to Cincy and enjoy a few extra hours of fun time.

I also took Friday casual to Thursday! I travel in comfort, but not like a slob! J. Crew and Gabor wigs assisted me! Mother-of-the Bride travel attire!

It’s not how it started out though.

For some reason, either I hit horrific weather or I have a displeasure of a delayed flight whenever I travel. I kid you not. And about 45 minutes before we were to board the plane, an announcement was made that the flight to Cincinnati would be delayed.

Welcome to my jet-sit world. I spend more time waiting than flying! I have to say though, that Delta made every effort and boarded us very quickly when the plane arrived!

Besides having an inner hissy-fit, I dealt with this issue by stress eating not one pretzel, but an additional bucket of pretzel nuggets. Fresh and hot off the press. The carbs were murder on my gut but felt so good going down. I also ate a giant bag of peanut M & M’s. And read trashy magazines.

And an added surprise was that these nuggets of carbs were also drenched in greasy melted butter. I wonder why the scale isn’t giving me nicer numbers!!

The plane finally arrived and this Mother-of-the-Bride landed after ten in the evening to rain! I was two for two. A delay and rain. It was shocking that a snow storm hadn’t hit!

Cincinnati here I come…

To rain and a delayed flight….

Now…upon departing the flight, one would think I ran to the airport exit to see Oona and Sam. No. CVG is a GREAT airport. It’s so clean and spacious so I couldn’t resist dawdling (now we know where my son, Roman, acquired the gift of dawdle…). I came across a cosmetics vending machine! But I didn’t buy anything!

Why couldn’t I find this at Philly airport during the delay?

Then I came across my favorite part of the airport! Them bones!

Some stop to smell the roses. I stop to take photos at airports of skeletal treasure!

But it was great to be back at Oona and Sam’s and playing around with my grand puppy, Gracie.

My boo, Gracie. OMG. She’s so well-behaved..

Oona and Sam are such great doggie parents…I KNOW they will be fantastic human parents!

Friday brought sun and clouds and brisk weather but it didn’t matter. There’s something comforting in knowing that your daughter and her future husband can brew a great cuppa coffee. They make it strong—just the way I love it. And we sat around gabbing before getting ready and heading out to run errands.

The Mr. Coffee is far better than the grandpa Mr. Coffee we have at home.

Even little Gracie was beggin’ for some!

Ahhhhhhhhh…cawfee!!!

Oona had a nail appointment, and since my nails were looking fine, I passed but kept her company while we discussed family and the wedding preparations.

This freakin’ nail salon! It went on for days! I was jealous–but then Oona told me the price of a mani-pedi and I was glad to be living in the Northeast where nail salons are plentiful….and far less expensive!

Next stop was Marshalls –Oona picked some workout clothing (I didn’t –I’m lazy). And I headed for the cosmetics. Glory be to Gawd—I found two great eyeshadow palettes!

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More on these palettes for my next blog post but boy….at $7.99 each, these palettes were a steal!

We did some food shopping—Sam’s birthday was Friday and his family was coming over for dinner. Oona looked pensive as she realized time was of the essence—she had to head back to the airport to pick up her best friend and maid-of-honor, Lauren.

Did I say food shopping? I sent this pic to Bonaparte to validate that Pennsylvania is the worst state in the USA because of the State-run, Mob-type Liquor stores! You can by this at Trader Joes in Cincy!

And that’s where mom comes in—I assured her I could take care of the cake and she could head to the airport for alone time with her bestie!

BTW, this cake is gluten-free, chemical and preservative-free, sugar free, and lower-fat! Oona added Sam’s favorite candy–Reeses Pieces which are NOT lower fat nor sugar free! But it was a tasty Birthday cake!

Friday evening, Sam’s family came over for a birthday celebration. Being with Sam’s family is like being with……………. family!! We all had a great time and I was introduced to a spectacular aperitif/cocktail: The Aperol Spritz! This concoction of Aperol, Prosecco, and Seltzer with a slice of orange is the most refreshing drink I’ve ever downed!

You read it first. Moving forward, the Aperol Spritz will now be called “Mother-of-the-Bride”. There will be an open bar at the wedding but I may smuggle my private makings! There’s only 148 calories in one of these!

I drank a lot of them during the weekend. In fact, as I write this now, I informed the Frenchman that I’ll be stopping at the store for Aperol, Prosecco and seltzer! He is a bit upset that I am forgoing the beloved Kir Royal but the Aperol Spritz has less calories and with the wedding countdown, every calorie counts!

Saturday was a full day!

Let me tell you something. Oona and Lauren spent a long time getting their hair perfectly coifed. Lauren is great with styling and she styled Oona’s hair in perfect beach waves.

I plopped my Jamison wig on—and had extra time to loll around in bed! Oh, the beauty of wigs!

Jamison and Lilly Pulitzer. You can’t go wrong!

The shower/bruncheon was at LouVino, a Southern-inspired restaurant and wine bar downtown Cincinnati. What a great place! The celebration was downstairs in a private room and Oona’s friends, coworkers, future sisters-in-law, mother-in-law and relatives were in attendance.

The upstairs wine bar at LouVino’s. I’m recommending this place to out-of-town guests for Oona’s wedding!

The downstairs room where the brunch was held…

Thanks to Sam’s sisters, the table settings were beautiful..

Mimosas kept us refreshed and hydrated!

Oh yeah, and water (in the background) also kept us hydrated. The food was so great that I never took a pic–I was too busy shoveling the Warm Brussels Salad into my mouth!

We played girlie games. I won Scattergories. But the best game was where Oona had to guess answers to questions that Sam answered in advance. For ever wrong answer, a wad of bubble gum was placed in Oona’s mouth! It was a riot!

It was only natural that I took myself out of the “Guess the Age” game. I’m no cheater!

Miss Oona getting ready for more bubble gum! She actually did a great job. Out of 30 questions, she got 2/3’s correct!

The prize for the Scattergories win..a cute mug and a Starbucks card!!!!!!!!!!!

Some of the gifts. Crate & Barrel is very popular–eh???

Happy little wine glasses…

Happy little Oona!

The baking girl was thrilled to receive mixing bowls. Did I mention I gifted her with a Stainless Kitchen Aid Mixer…just like mine? I swear the baking is genetic!

This. This was on Oona’s wish list and she was so happy to receive this! (Hmmmm maybe she’ll give me her Mr. Coffee machine…)

BFF’s. They’ve been friends since middle-school. Two beauties!

This photo of us was taken after I was crying…

..and this is why. Lauren, Oona’s BFF and Maid of Honor, gifted Sam’s mom and me with embroidered hankies. Both moms were crying because it was just a touching and generous gift! I’m crying again!

I was very happy to be in attendance. Oona didn’t want a shower in Philly simply because she felt that asking my side of the family and her Northeast friends, was asking them to spend too much money—what with the travel to Ohio and the hotel, she wanted to keep expenses down for everyone. You know—I was very proud of her decision. I think I raised a very conscientious young woman!

And the fact Sam’s family has welcomed Oona really made me feel warm and fuzzy inside!

May I present the future Mrs. Butts. Coming from a very competitive family, it pleases me to have my daughter’s future last name be greatness such as this. When/if they have children and their children are in competitive activities, they can hashtag: #MyButtsgonnakickyours or… #Buttsbekickin’

Some after-brunch fun. Isn’t that dress adorable? It’s a Lilly Pulitzer..and those shoes! The daughter has great taste..and she’s gorgeous!

By the time we got back to the house, the rain came and it was time to head to Sam’s mom’s home for a casual, laid back and fun dinner!

And more Aperol Spritzes!

The recipe? Three parts Prosecco, Two parts Aperol, One part (a splash) Seltzer and an orange slice to make it nice!

Sunday morning brought forth a bit of a hangover and the flight back to Philly. Isn’t it funny how when you wish for a delay, the flight is on time?

Gracie was sad to see me go. I was sad to see me go!

Minimal dawdling on the return. There was no delay. WAIT! Does that say Air France? Yeah…but it’s the plane back to Philly…

And despite the timeliness of the flight home, I did manage to get this sweatshirt as a reminder of a great weekend!

I arrived back home Sunday afternoon. When Bonaparte picked me up, I’m not too sure he was happy to see me because he kept mentioning how tired I looked. He was right. I had a bad hangover FOODover, because of all the food I ate.

Yeah. I pretty-much crashed when I arrived home. Funny how I still think I’m in my twenties sometimes!

Do you ever get sad when you leave someplace and someone? I was incredibly sad to leave but after I arrived home and unpacked and got to telling the Frenchman about the weekend, the sadness lifted and I felt really happy. Happy that I was able to enjoy the weekend with my daughter and her future family! And happy to be back sitting next to my husband on the sofa!

And she’s the reason the weekend was a stellar one! My baby is getting married!

More Mother-of-the-Bride Fun! Far be it to not take advantage of Oona’s pre-wedding events to not make it about me.

#Bridal Showers #Cincinnati #LouVino OTR #Weddings

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prettyfunkyunorganized · 6 years

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Sugar Daddy Hanzo part 7

Hey there everyone! Another chapter all ready for you. Some set up for the next part and some struggles with how much you want your man back.

And btw, thanks for answering my question last time! It was super fun to see your responses! :D

Around 4,300 words today. Enjoy!

BTW, this whole business world AU is based on my bud @watch-your-grammer‘s post here. She’s glorious and so is her work.

The rest of the story: pt one, pt two, pt three, pt four, pt five, pt six

Saturdays were supposed to be relaxing – not a clusterfuck, but here you were, half tacking on another day to the workweek and half trying to get your best friend’s baby shower in order. And all the way losing your shit.

“What the hell do you mean Clarissa’s Cupcakes pulled out on us,” you fumed at your phone as you tried to dig through your desk for the to-do list that just kept growing and growing.

“Yeah,” Jules said slowly, “they canceled on us.”

“We paid upfront for that stupid reservation! What the hell happened?”

“They said someone else made them a better offer or something. The whole place is closed for the day for a private party, dude. We’re kinda boned,” Jules said, sounding pretty damn dejected for her, but at least that meant she was taking this seriously.

You heaved a long sigh and thought a moment. “Okay, okay. That’s okay. We’ll figure something else out. If all else fails, we can have the party at one of our places. Mags will be fine with that.”

“As long as it's not mine, I’m cool with that,” Jules agreed, going right back to optimistic fast enough to give you emotional whiplash.

“Why not yours,” you asked, “you’ve got that great dining and kitchen area. I’ll help you get it ready as soon as I’m done here.”

“About that,” she laughed, “I’m in the middle of a job, and my creative process is uh, messy, as you know. And this time the subject matter is sorta graphic. Like aliens with tentacles that have teeth graphic.”

Having one of your besties be an animatronic whiz and well-respected movie monster creator was great around Halloween. Right now, not so much.

“Well fuck. Nicole will never let that many people she doesn’t know in her place, so I guess my apartment it is,” you groaned.

“No offense babe, but your place is pretty small for that. I could try to clean my stuff up some, I guess, but the alien herself ain’t going nowhere right now.”

“No, no,” you sighed, “I got it. I’ll move some stuff around and rig up some more seating. Just hope I can get home in time.”

There was a pause on the other side of the line, and you knew what was coming next. A scolding. “You better not be where I think you are,” Jules said in her most grown-up tone.

“Um,” you hesitated.

“Good freakin’ gods woman! That job is bleeding you dry! You gotta stop letting them treat you like this.” She sounded more disappointed than angry, which stung plenty.

“I know, I know, but you know me, I work hard! It’s what I do. It’s important.”

“Lovebug,” Jules said gently, calling you by your childhood nickname to get her point across, “I know your mom and dad always told you that, but working yourself into a pit isn’t good either. Especially since that company doesn’t appreciate you and all you do. You could be doing so much better! You’ve got enough big-name clients that you should absolutely have more than that cheap little cubicle. You work with fucking Lucio himself, girl! That’s big-time shit!”

“I – I know,” you fumbled, “but there aren’t any openings here for a better position. I’ve just got to wait it out.”

“You ought to ask for a raise,” Jules snorted.

“Yeah, probably,” you huffed, rubbing your temple. “I don’t know why I can stand up to Hanzo like I did but going up to my superiors here at work seems daunting – even though I know I deserve more.”

“Because your parents taught you to value your career more than relationships and you’re still internally trying to please them despite the fact that you know they’re unhealthy and unhappy,” Jules said frankly. “Childhood psychological shit, it’ll get you every time.”

“No kidding,” you laughed, taking a moment to close your eyes and remind yourself that you were so much more than just your job.

“I know you’re not going to just blow off work,” Jules said, “but don’t go crazy today, alright? We have a party to get to! And the world won’t end just because you left some stuff to be done on Monday.”

“That much I can do,” you agreed, “thanks, Jules.”

“No problem. I don’t have many wise moments, but when I do, I’m more than happy to share them.”

“Maybe you ought to share some weed with me next week to get rid of the nerves before I go ask my boss for a raise,” you suggested, only partially joking.

“Holy fuck yes! Yes! Babe, let’s do it! Nicole can give you one of her hardcore pep talks and Mags can make you feel all good and shit! Fuck yeah! This is happening. I’ve decided.”

“Oh dear god what have I started,” you giggled.

“This is the best idea you’ve ever had.”

“Jules, love, I dig the excitement, but we have other things to focus on right now. If I get my place ready for the party can you get food?”

“Sure thing,” she said nonchalantly, “snacks are basically my specialty. I’ve got a caterer that owes me a favor, too.”

“Awesome, thanks, Jules. I’ll talk to you later. Keep me in the loop.”

“Yup. You just get done with stupid-ass work, alright?”

“I’ll try.”

You spent the next few hours toiling away at work, mostly alone at the office once again. Jules was right, you did have a problem. Thankfully, your phone buzzed, reminding you that time was in fact passing and you had other, much more enjoyable things to do.

‘Hey the caterer needs to get into your place soon to drop off goodies. You home?’

It was Jules. Who would be all over you for still being at work. “Fuck,” you hissed before typing a simple, ‘No.’

‘Da faq girl,” she replied.

‘I’m getting decorations and shit,’ you lied.

‘Oh. Cool. You do you. Just get home soon, k?’

‘Yep,’ you sent back, realizing you had dug yourself into a hole. Now you had to decorate, get home, and make your place presentable in a much too small window of time. Frantically, you called Nicole to see if she could help, but no she was still at the vet with her pup. Maggie’s mother could open the door for the caterer, but then she’d freak out about how ‘dirty’ the place was and start stressing and cleaning everything – or, even worse, tattle to your parents about ‘the state of that place!’ There was Maggie’s mother-in-law, but she was something of an attention whore and a snob who would undoubtedly make up some dramatic story about having to go to some ‘tacky shop’ for ‘tacky décor’ and how she did ‘the absolute best she could under the circumstances.’

No.

You were not listening to that on your day off.

Well, your day almost off.

As you scrolled through your contact list trying to find someone to help, a sudden text popped up. From Hanzo, no less.

“Huh,” you said frowning at his name. An image of him trying to pick out baby shower do-dads came to mind and made you cackle. “Oh hell no, I’m not asking him to do that, no matter how great the blackmail would be if I got pictures. Not that I could ever see the need to blackmail him.”

Since the morning at the coffee shop, you and Hanzo had done exactly as you had agreed upon. You were civil, spoke on occasion, and played nice. He was always respectful and appreciative of any time you gave him, but the tension was still there. At times, you would sill times get shudder including memories of that night he terrified you in that parking lot, but you were starting to see that part of him less and less with each conversation. Most of the time when he reached out to you, it was for a bit of advice or asking about something he’d read. He was a voracious reader now, it seemed, devouring anything he could get his hands on about overcoming mental obstacles. That seemed to be his new safe space – where he retreated when he was having a setback or had done something he deemed to be wrong.

He was being too hard on himself, you knew that, but there was only so much you could do while keeping an appropriate distance.

It was hard not to go to him and run your fingers through his hair, whispering soft reassurances.

The sadness that often coated his voice when you spoke on the phone made your stomach twist.

But this was his battle, and he would fight it in his own way. He had others to help him along the way, and he wasn’t your responsibility.

Hanzo was, however, always saying that he wanted to repay your kindness, so maybe you could ask him for a favor. Friend to friend.

You called him up before you could chicken out and waited rather impatiently for him to pick up.

“Hello,” he said, surprise and unease in his tone.

“Oh thank goodness,” you sighed. “Hey, Hanzo it’s me.”

“Yes, of course,” he said, “is something wrong?”

“What? No,” you replied in confusion. “Why would there be?”

“No reason,” he explained, “I was just not expecting a call. Usually, I am the one asking if I may bother you with a phone call.”

“Right,” you said laughing awkwardly, “well, the thing is, I sorta need some help.”

“What can I do,” he asked gravely. You could see his pensive face so clearly in your mind. It made you smile.

“Chill, Hanzo, I’m fine. It’s a little thing really, but I didn’t know who else to go to.”

“I am glad to hear you are alright and I am of course happy to help however I can,” he said softly. That damn voice of his was going to be the death of you.

“So, the gals and I are throwing Mags a baby shower,” you began.

“I see,” Hanzo said worriedly.

“Calm down,” you snorted, “you don’t have to come or anything, I just need someone to unlock the door for the people bringing food.”

“Ah, well, that I can most certainly do. Is there a spare key I should use nearby?”

“Yeah. It’s in a little magnetized box under the ridge of the big metal planter to the left of the door. If you can’t find it, give me a text.” You grabbed your purse and headed to the stairs.

“I will,” Hanzo said, evidently still taking this quite seriously, “but something has just occurred to me.”

“What’s that?”

“I have never been to your apartment,” he said, making you stop and frown.

“Well I’ll be damned, you haven’t. Whoops. I’ll text you the address in a sec, just leaving work.”

“My, my,” he said with a small chuckle, “your dedication is admirable.”

“That’s not what my friends say,” you grumbled.

“Why is that?”

“I may have a slight problem with balance,” you admitted sheepishly, “but I’m working on it. I do have a tendency to throw myself into the office when I’m stressed about other things, though.”

“Did I cause that reaction this time,” he asked gently.

In all honesty, yes, you were still dealing with the repercussions of taking on too much work to distract yourself after you and Hanzo broke it off, but he wasn’t the only cause. “Nah, it’s more me. I need to stop this pattern I always get myself into. I’ve basically buried myself in paperwork this time.”

“I can relate,” Hanzo hummed out, sounding stressed. As usual. “Do try to take care of yourself, though, will you? I – I worry. I know you are capable and independent, but . . . nonetheless.”

You shut your eyes tightly at the twinge in your heart. He could be so sweet. Sometimes. “Just, um, let me know if you need anything else, okay? I gotta go get some stuff.”

Hanzo cleared his throat tensely. “You have my word.”

“Thanks, Hanzo. Bye.” You let out an abysmal groan as soon as you hung up. “Why does he have to make it so hard to not like him?!”

Darting through the nearest party supply store like a tornado did wonders to take Hanzo off your mind – if there was anything in this world that absolutely did not remind you of that man, it was pink streamers and glitter – but seeing him standing next to your open doorway brought a wave of emotions you really didn’t have time to deal with.

You’d never seen him dress so . . . casually before. And . . .

Damn.

“Hey,” you called to him, cursing the way your voice broke. Christ, it was like you were back in high school, fawning over an upperclassman. At least this time he didn’t have swoopy hair. You had such terrible taste back then.

Well, maybe you still did, but that was a thought for another day.

“Hello,” he said with a smile. You looked him up and down as two people carried in a few trays. “Is something the matter,” he asked when he caught you staring.

“Nope,” you said with a grin, “I just didn’t know you owned anything other than freshly pressed suits.”

“Yes, well,” he said flushing, “you called me while I was in the middle of . . . something.”

“Son of a – ” you hissed, “I’m sorry! I didn’t even ask if you were busy, did I? I didn’t mean to – ”

Hanzo reached over and took a few of the bags hanging from your arms. “Think nothing of it. You did not interrupt anything important.”

You ushered him in and set the mess of shopping bags down. “Thanks again for letting these guys in,” you said gesturing to the people arranging miniature cakes all over your countertop, “but you didn’t have to stick around if you have other things to do. They’re good people, totally trustworthy.”

“I thought it best to stay close just in case. Not because I doubted their professionalism, but to see if you needed anything else. Based on the amount of food these people have brought in, you have quite the event going on here,” he said eyeing the pile of appetizers.

“Maggie has seven sisters-in-law,” you explained, trying not to grimace.

“Honto?! I cannott imagine,” Hanzo reeled.

You giggled, “Neither can I! I’ve always had such a small family, having ten in a household seems like hell to me.”

“Agreed,” Hanzo murmured, shaking his head.

“Anyway,” you said, smiling at him, “I should be fine. I’ve still got an hour to put up some decorations and tidy up a bit before the other girls get here to help me finish up. We got this.”

“Then I will leave you to it,” Hanzo said with a small bow before heading back to the hall.

“Wait,” you blurted, not really knowing why you’d said it. He turned back to you and waited.

Your face went hot as you rushed over to the kitchen and plucked a peach topped cake for him. “Here,” you said handing it to him, “for your trouble.”

“That is not necessary,” he said kindly, giving you an impossibly tender look, “I am simply glad I could help, and for a chance to see you.”

This was the first time you had seen each other face to face since that day at the coffee shop. He looked good, and not just because he always looked good. There was a sort of calm about him, as if maybe he wasn’t so bogged down by everything anymore. A proper therapist could do that.

You were happy for him. He deserved some progress, to not be alone and attacking himself all the time. You truly believed that.

And you also knew he had a sweet tooth as bad as yours.

“Take it,” you said, grabbing his hand and placing the little square napkin in his palm. “I know you want to.”

He grinned. “I can only say so to buttercream frosting so many times. Thank you, and enjoy your party. It sounds like you could use some fun.”

“I will. Take care, Hanzo.”

“I shall do my best,” he said with a nod, “and by the way, I like your home. It is, hmm, ‘warm’, I suppose is the word am looking for. Or perhaps safe. I never quite understood how to navigate that line between ‘house’ and ‘home,’ but you certainly have.”

Something about that sentence made you pout involuntarily as your heart dropped.

“Not that I mean to be looking for sympathy,” Hanzo said quickly, “I meant it as a compliment! I should not have made that comment about me, I apologize.”

The blush he got. It was too much.

“Don’t worry about it,” you said wavering a little closer to him. “I’m flattered that you like my place. Here I thought it might not be fancy or cleaned up enough for you.”

He scoffed, “Please, my own maid thinks I am a bit too much of a ‘neat freak.’ I know not everyone has my uncanny need to have everything polished.”

“Yeah, I don’t polish anything,” you laughed, walking him to the elevator, “but I probably should be more on top of the dishes.”

Hanzo shrugged, “If I did not have someone tidying up for me, I would likely be the same way. Or I would just eat out more often, I am not sure which.”

You parted ways with a wave that left you feeling unsatisfied. It was as if your skin was itching for his touch.

“Fucking hell,” you moaned, “I gotta get over this guy.”

The party came and went, Hanzo’s piercing eyes lingering in your mind when you weren’t occupied. You had thought you were over this dumb puppy dog love stage weeks ago, but evidently not. Maybe it was seeing the way Maggie and her wife got along that made you feel like this. Or seeing a new family being started in front of you. Or maybe it was just loneliness. Once everyone had left the house you were on your own again, wishing you had someone to vent to about your boss emailing you about picking up another coworker’s slack.

“I always get like this when I’m tired,” you tried to assure yourself, “I’ll get over it. All I need is a shower and some proper sleep. And maybe for my boss to stop being a shitlord.”

Soon, you were settled on the couch hair up in a microfiber towel and your fluffiest robe around your shoulders. You felt better, yes, but you couldn’t help but think about snuggling up in Hanzo’s wide-collared hoodie from earlier today.

“Why are boy hoodies always the best,” you asked the universe, slightly perturbed at this unwarranted slight the fashion industry had given your gender.

Your ringtone went off, and you swiped your phone from the coffee table. Hanzo again.

Now the universe was really being a dick.

‘I hope everything went well tonight,’ he had sent. ‘I forgot to mention that I set your key by the sink. One of the caterers saw where you had hidden it, so you may want to find another location just to be safe, but that may just be my paranoia at work.’

“Worrywart,” you snickered before sending back, ‘Yes I saw it. Thanks. Good idea. And yeah, we had a good time. A few hiccups, but I handled it.’

‘Hiccups? Is everything alright?’

‘There was a small soon-to-be-Grandma fight, and Bruce Wayne peed on one of my plants, but that’s all.’

It took him longer to respond than usual, but then a confused, ‘Bruce Wayne? The Batman alter ego,’ came through. You laughed and snuggled deeper into your cushions.

‘Nicole’s dog has a solemn looking face and very pointy little ears that make him look like Batman, hence the name. Gotta admit, I’m a little surprised you knew that name of the top of your head, or did you Google it,’ you teased.

‘Genji told me. He says hello,’ Hanzo admitted.

Half a second later Hanzo was calling you. “Um, yeah,” you said into the receiver.

“I told you she would pick up,” Genji said, sounding as if he were straining.

“And I asked you not to call her,” you barely heard Hanzo say. “It is late, and she has had a long day.”

“Well then maybe you should not have texted her,” Genji replied jokingly.

“That is different,” Hanzo griped. It was nice to hear them acting like normal brothers.

“What is going on,” you asked as a smile crossed your face.

“I stole Hanzo’s phone so I could talk to you,” Genji explained, “and now he is trying to get it back, but I am faster.”

There was a slew of angry Japanese that made Genji burst out laughing. “That sounds like a dangerous game you’re playing, Genji,” you giggled. “Was there a reason you called, or are you just torturing your big bro.”

“Meh, a little of column A, a little of column B,” he replied.

“Perhaps I should just call Mercy as retaliation,” you heard Hanzo say in a voice so devious you had to add a dramatic gasp to the conversation.

“WHAT,” Genji yelped, “and when did – how did you get my phone?!”

“I always took my stealth studies more seriously than you did, brother,” Hanzo chuckled.

“Damn it,” Genji said defeatedly, “okay, fine, I will give it back, but before I do, I wanted to invite your lovely friend here to a party I am having next week. Everyone at Overwatch adored you, and we would love to have you there if that would not be too awkward.”

“You want to invite me,” you clarified.

“But of course,” Genji all but sang. “It is just a casual little thing for a few friends I throw every year. Hanzo made it sound like you could use a night out, maybe one that involves less Grandmothers – no offense to your baby shower guests.”

“Just how much did Hanzo tell you,” you asked, feigning skepticism.

“I am nosy,” Genji said flatly.

“Indeed you are,” Hanzo barked.

“So will you come? I promise it will be a good time.” It sounded like the younger Shimada was almost begging you to join them.

“No funny business,” you asked apprehensively.

“Not at all.”

“And I won’t have to worry about people looking down their noses at me?”

“If anyone does I will show them the door,” Genji said.

“And you know I’m not coming as your brother’s date,” you said, a bit quieter.

“Yes, I know,” he replied, less excitement in his voice.

“Well . . . alright, I’ll come,” you agreed, not entirely sure this was a good idea considering how much you were already pining over Hanzo.

“That is fantastic news,” Genji said, “the others will be delighted to – Hey! Hanzo! I was not done with that!”

“Pardon the interruption,” Hanzo said, noises coming through the earpiece that sounded like he was holding his brother away with his other arm, “but you really do not have to come if you do not wish to. Do not let my brother pester you into joining us.”

“I don’t mind,” you said honestly, “it would be nice to see Lena and the others again.”

“There will be liquor,” Hanzo hinted, “not that I need to partake but – ”

“Why is liquor a problem,” Genji asked.

Hanzo sighed deeply. “She does not want to be around me when I drink after that night I hurt her.”

“That,” Genji started, then took a long pause. “Well, to be candid that is a very rational decision, and I approve of her looking out for herself.”

“As do I,” Hanzo agreed.

“I can still hardly believe you ruined such a good thing,” Genji lamented.

“Do not start with me tonight,” Hanzo groaned, “please? I assure you I cannot feel any worse than I already do. Just seeing her makes me – ”

“Ahem,” you said loudly, “I’m still here, you know.”

“Sorry,” the two brothers said simultaneously.

“Look, I don’t have to come to this shindig of yours if it’s going to complicate things. I’m fine,” you said with a shrug.

“No,” Hanzo said gingerly, “if you would like to come, that would be lovely. I do not need to drink that night.”

“I don’t mean to spoil your fun or anything,” you said awkwardly. You suddenly felt like a controlling girlfriend, only you weren’t his girlfriend. But you were just trying to look out for yourself . . .

“You are not ruining anything,” Hanzo said kindly, “just the opposite, in fact. Come, enjoy yourself, and I promise I will not drink. I believe it will likely be good for me to prove to myself that I can be out with some coworkers and not need a bevy of drinks to get through.”

While he didn’t sound entirely convinced in his ability to do so, you had to agree that it might be a good step for him to take. “Alright, I’ll still come. If you’re sure you don’t mind, that is.”

“Not at all,” Hanzo said, “I will let you know the details when Genji finally decides on a theme.”

“Oh yeah,” Genji yelled, “it is a costume party, but you do not have to get too into it if you do not want to.”

“Good to know,” you laughed, “tell your goofy brother thanks for the invite, but I should start winding down for the night.”

“I will. Goodnight, my beau- ” He caught himself and coughed in embarrassment. “G-goodnight.”

He hung up before you could respond, making you wince. “Fu-uh-uh-uh-ck,” you wailed, smacking yourself in the forehead. “I really, really, really wish I didn’t still want to be his god-damned beauty.” Tears began to sting your eyes, and you weren’t sure they had formed out of anger, or longing.

@collinssie @watch-your-grammer @zarcake-writes @yesthisisbae @eebbapanda1 @deercapitate@missbumblina @skyrina@justjaaaay @thewetbones @skyelentnight@ilovebva @punk-dork @cbrokeherboobs @sobanoodledragon @sydniesamm@honeyburger @knightofsexyness @queenoflabyrinths @speakingishard@iknowimcutethanks @ninevast @ivymarquis @sydniesamm @barbie-the-centrist

** please let me know if you would like to be tagged or removed from the tags in future updates and sorry if I missed anyone, tumblr is being tumblr-y again**

#mine #overwatch #my drabble #overwatch drabble #hanzo x reader #hanzo #reader insert #sugar daddy hanzo

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soraenun-archive · 2 years

Note

(i enter the stage and the crowd cheers and chants my name. i wave at them and blush from the amount of love i'm receiving) hiii, i'm here <3 how have you been doing?

yeah, it sometimes feels like you have to know everything about it (football) but i only watch it to take my mind off of things lol oh shoot! did i give you too many hints already? 😳 from now on, i won't reveal anything about myself. i might have underestimated your sherlockholmesque skills. this is not about my url btw, i'm not telling if you're right or wrong about it to stress you out even more (jk ofc i don't want to stress about it). i want to keep the big reveal for later and i want it to be extraordinary hehe 💖

when i saw the pink outfits on my dash, i thought of you right away 💞 i was like 'shannon must be super happy right now' and i was right. i saw your tags under the rv posts you reblogged. reading the tags under posts is one of my fave things to do on this site lol

wait what? i thought harry kane was way older than that. it's.... so weird to me that he isn't even in his thirties........ i really thought he was 35-36 already. in case he's reading this, i'm sorry mr. kane but i don't know anything about football players' ages. i'm always shocked when i learn about their age because i always imagine them way younger or way older than their real age. i'm sorry but did i make any sense? my brain is not able to process this info </3

since i forgot my question of the day the last time, here is one: are there any other sports you follow or enjoy watching? if so, which ones and what made you so interested in them?

as you might not know, i started taking singing lessons so please sit down while listening to my beautiful voice. 🎵 dear sha-aaaaaaa-non. i wish youu-uuuu-huuuuuuuu a niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice (this was the high note) dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy (vibrato at the end) and pleeeeeeeeease take caaaaaaaare 🎵 see? i didn't lie to you when i said i have a beautiful voice ;)

from 🐘 anon

hello!!! i am the crowd 📣👩 (that’s me cheering) hi bestie <3 i’ve been doing okay! i think your threats worked 🥰

exactly!! especially as a girl i feel like you get questioned so much more like im just here to have fun and support my besties :( the classic “explain the offside rule then” like i dont even think the players could explain offside anymore …. or the you must only be pretending to like it to get attention from men… but unless the man is heung min son i absolutely am not interested. oooh i must be onto something then 🧐 but you’re right! i will retire my detective skills and wait for your big reveal!

hehe i was super happy!!!! they all looked so pretty i love those outfits! and the stage with the flowers was stunning too <3 it’s so cute that u thought of me when you saw them :( have you watched the wildside mv yet? what did you think of it and the song?

yeah it makes sense!! i don’t blame you ajkhdaksd i think the fact he’s also married with kids certainly makes him seem like he’s a lot older than what he is?? but i’m hoping he still has a lot of years left in him especially if they’re gonna be spent at spurs 🥺 but nooo other than football i’m not really into any sports :/ i used to hate football too but something about tottenham hotspur just got me hooked <3 but i’m not really a sports person! sometimes i’ll watch rugby with my dad but it’s way too aggressive for me ajksdhjsakd

oh thank you for the beautiful song! you didn’t lie u have the most beautiful voice and you hit that high note perfectly! 👏👏👏 sorry if i’m being stupid are you really taking singing lessons or was that just for the fun message?? 🥺 if you are i'm curious what made you want to start taking them and how they’re going but if it was just a joke then u can ignore me <3

i hope you've been doing well too bestie and that you're having a good day/night 💞💗

#anonymous #💌#🐘💌

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lothirielswan · 5 years

Text

The History of Author & Deadpool

Hia Awesome Adventurers! So now that Deadpool is back to his schemes in my WoW novels, I decided to post some of our old confrontations in one of my old...disgraceful Marvel Fanfics. Where the Avengers adopted a turtle called Bromine and Iron Man’s and Black Widow’s (not romantically involved) adopted daughter, Catwoman, goes off with Deadpool and Quicksilver into space. Needless to say, the best thing from this novel were the Author’s Notes. Please enjoy the weirdness.

Deadpool: Look at that majestic red man on the cover of that book c,: just takes your breath away

~*~

A/N: We're almost to space!! Yay–it's been a amazing journey, and I'm sorry for all of the bumps, but it's awesome that we came this far!

Deadpool: Yeah, can we hurry this up? I'm not even in the book yet. I have other fanfics to be in, Author :/

Pietro: You mean the Spiderman fanfics you write?

Deadpool: RUN TO CANADA YOU SWINE!!!

Deadpool: Btw, you read my fanfics? :)) Thoughts?

Pietro: Disgusting. Wanda does, and if I'm being honest, it's not your best work. The Iron Man/Captain America ones are better.

Wanda: I told you, Pietro, that was from an AD.

Pietro: Yes, sister: Adolescent Dummy.

Wanda: YOU FIEND!

Pietro: I HOPE SOKOVIA FALLS ON YOUR FACE!!

Wanda: I DISOWN YOU, FORMER WOMB NEIGHBOR.

Shuri: I came to this disgraceful, medieval part of the world to complain. My brother is evil incarnate.

Wanda: ....

Wanda: I like you.

Shuri: I found the powerful witch of these medieval lands, perhaps everything outside of Wakanda isn't so bad.

Pietro: BURN THE WITCH!

Wanda: Would you like to get coffee? I have tons of black magic c;

Shuri: Of course! ;3

T'Challa: ...This cannot be good.

Deadpool: HELLO. DOES ANYBODY CARE ABOUT MY FICSSSS????

Pietro: We need to stop this!!

T'Challa: Agreed! For the good of Wakanda, and the poor villagers that live outside of it.

Deadpool: I'm becoming the fifth wheel here. What am I, Leo Valdez?

Author: Keep being awesome, people!!

Deadpool: I'M MOVING TO A DIFFERENT FANFIC.

Author: I HAVE YOU UNDER CONTRACT!!

Deadpool: Darn. It's so hard to find work as a Marvel Comic character.

~*~

Deadpool's Note: Lols, I killed the Author :3 I'm in charge of the book now. PEETIE, FRONT AND CENTER! And time for this very special spoiler production–

Professor X: Mr. Wilson!

Wade the Awesome: Wait, are you McAvoy or Stewart? I can't tell because you're only words.

Professor X: You are messing with time streams, Mr. Wilson. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Wade is Better Than Wolverine: Be happy I am, pal. I've seen what's in store for you. Believe me, I'm saving you emotional trauma. In two books you'll be–

Bruce Banner: Hold on...what if Bromine's near-death experience wasn't Scott's fault...IT WAS YOURS :O YOU MONSTER!

Professor X: The Avengers have a pet? Fascinating. I usually consider Beast as ours, but perhaps we should go more basic.

Wade is da Best: Yep, you're Stewart, Mr. Spock. And I do not need another animal shitting on my lawn.

Bruce Banner: ...

Professor X: ...

Wade is Peetie's Besty: What?

Bruce Banner: The word...

Wade the King of Fan-Fiction: What? Oh. You mean the new absence of these: #$%^. Yeah. Those are gone now. If you'll excuse me, I have to write my grand entrance. It's gonna be fucking amazeballs. Go be amazing, readers, and spread the revolution!

Peter Parker: ...

Peter Parker: We're doomed.

~*~

DP/N: Mhm, that's right, ladies. I'm here to fix this fanfic CAT-astrophe.

Pietro: Really? The fate of my life is in your hands now??? I should have stayed dead.

Selina: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL YOUR SISTER SHE'S BEEN MOURNING YOU FOREVER SHE'S BEEN EATING ALL OF THE NUTELLAAA

Pietro: Because I like you more :3

Wanda: I DISOWN YOU, WOMB NEIGHBOR!!

Pietro: BURN THE WITCH!!

Deadpool: This is such a healthy relationship. It makes me cry :,) and if we're gonna talk crap about womb neighbors, how about Selina's–

Magneto: WADE!

Deadpool: Gandalf! Is that you? Have you come to take Peter, my hobbit, away? You're still words, this is so confuzzling.

Mag-neat-o: Charles rattled my cage, so I'm rattling yours! Leave the fabric of the Universe alone!

Pietro: ...Who are you

Wanda: Yeah, who is this weirdo?

T-erik-fic: :( that's not nice.

Deadpool the Awesome: And all of you readers should go see my movie, DP2! Really. Do it. Now. I'm watching you. And put a vote on this baby, my fingers are burnin. Keep being your amazing selves!

~*~

DP/N: Hello amazing people. Sorry for the wait, I'm prepping myself for Ant-Man and the Wasp–I've been stocking up on raid cans and swatters for the occasion. Keep being amazing!

Rocket the Raccoon: *sniffs the air* I smell something...the smell of another humie traveling across space listening to crappy music.

Peter Quill: Huh? Who is it–

Deadpool: OH MY JESUS ANOTHER PETER!!

Deadpool: Keep it cool, DP, keep it cool. How's it hanging, Prattzel?

Rocket: Ew, this is a weird human. Not as weird as Quill, but weird.

Deadpool: Watch it, Garbage-Eater. I can erase you! But I need you for the next chapter. Shit. I have to figure this out...

~*~

Shockingly Alive Author: WADE WILSON!

Deadpool: Oh sh*t.

Deadpool: OH SH*T NOW YOU'RE BLOCKING OUT CUSS WORDS WHYYYYYYY I THOUGHT YOU WERE FUN!

Author: YOU THOUGHT I WAS DEAD!!

Bruce Banner: He hurt my Bromine!!

Author: :o Wade, how could you

Deadpool: It wasn't intentional!! Personally, I prefer cats as pets. They have no sense of boundaries and are cuddly and cute. Like a Tribble.

Selina: ....For some reason, that feels offensive.

Author: Wade, no more taking over the story!!

Professor X: Author, if I may....he mentioned something about my untimely demise...

Author: Oh.

Author: Um.

Author: ....BRUCE LIKES STAR TREK!!

Tony: HOW COULD YOU BRUCIE YOU TREKKIE TRAITOR!!!!!!!!!

Author: Keep being awesome, awesome people c:

Peter Parker: ...

Peter Parker: Is it safe to come out yet?

Deadpool: I'm everywhere ;)

~*~

A/N: Yay! The Black Order is here!

Bruce Banner: Since when do 'Black Order' and 'yay' go together in the same line?

Tony: You don't get to speak, traitor.

Bruce: What? Because I'm all about that Bass? #NoTribbles

Tony: That hit me harder than Jar Jar Binks.

Deadpool: Author, did you just make me miss the first action scene because I took over your book?

Author: I'm not talking to you.

Deadpool: There's still things I don't understand. I am positive I killed the Author–I still have your guts in Al's fridge.

Author: No more questions.

Deadpool: Hmm.

*Deadpool drags Peter Parker into conversation*

Deadpool: Watson, we have a new case to solve! Onward!

Peter Parker: #NoTribblesNoService

Deadpool: I thought it was #NoStrippersNoService

Bruce Banner: What is wrong with you?

Deadpool: I was a bottle baby.

Deadpool: Beer bottle.

Author: Go be awesome!

Deadpool: Hmm...I feel a storm brewing....#CueX-FilesThemeSong

Peter Parker: #SomeoneHelpMe

~*~

A/N: I'm sorry, readers, but I have to interrupt your regularly scheduled program for the following message:

Peter Parker: ...

Peter Parker: Can everyone sign my petition to make Wade stop calling me 'Watson', please?

Deadpool: I ship Johnlock ;3

Peter Parker: Huh?

Deadpool: Such a pure blogger...so innocent...

Tony Stark: WADE WILSON. AS THE ONLY PARENTAL FIGURE IN PARKER'S LIFE I FORBID YOU FROM HANGING OUT WITH MY SON.

Tony Stark: *MY KID.

Tony Stark: **MY...SOMETHING.

Steve Rogers: Tony. You're wrong.

Bruce Banner & Wanda Maximoff: GASP.

Steve Rogers: I'M A PARENTAL FIGURE TOO. I WILL RAIN HELLFIRE ON YOU

Tony Stark: AND HERE I AM, WITHOUT AN UMBRELLA.

Steve Rogers: I FEEL A STORM BREWING.

Wanda Maximoff: How come we're always in the middle of these things?

Bruce Banner: Usually I just watch from a distance...it's more fun that way.

Peter Parker: PLEASE SIGN THIS. HE'S BEEN STALKING ME AND LEAVING ME MESSAGES ON ROOFTOPS.

Author: Is that the end of the message?

Peter Parker: I guess...now I have to get a court order for my superdads. They're fighting over me like Democrats and Republicans over the United States.

Tony Stark: I'M GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT SO HARD YOUR LIFE ALERT WON'T COVER IT.

Steve Rogers: MY ARMY BROS WILL DEFEAT YOUR SCIENCE BROS!!

Author: ...I think they're done. Keep being awesome!!

~*~

A/N: Hey awesome people! Thanks for reading, and credit to the amazing outfit designs above to LotusLumino! She's fantastic and has a bunch of amazing ideas, so when you get a spare moment, google her for more awesome art!

Wade: IMPOSTER!

Author: Huh?

Wade: You. Are. Not. The. Author.

Author: Why, whatever do you mean...

Peter Parker: He's right! I've seen the evidence–gross evidence, but still evidence! You're not her!

Author: Oh Peter, you couldn't just stay quiet. It would've been so much easier...for you...if you stayed that way.

Peter Parker: What–

Author: Enjoy yourselves, readers. I have some matters to attend to.

Wade: Somebody get out the shockblankets!!!

~*~

Deadpool: What have you done with the real Author???

Author: Do not question me, Wade Wilson.

Deadpool: I know you're not the real Author! She wouldn't bother typing out my full name, she's too lazy!

Peter Parker: WHO are you???

*Author ripples, and true form is revealed*

Deadpool: :O

Peter Parker: :O

Bromine the Turtle: :O

Skrull: WE WILL REIGN OVER THIS DOMAIN!!!!

Pietro: :o I did not see that coming.

Deadpool: Wait, what's a skrull? Some nerd educate me here.

Dr. Strange: A Skrull is an alien race that can morph their appearance–usually they bother the Fantastic Four. We prefer to leave it that way.

Deadpool: Thanks, magic-nerd. WE'RE TAKING YOU DOWN!!! OH, YOU WORE THE PURPLE PANTS! YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT!!!!

Clint & Selina: ???

Deadpool: Be almighty and awesome readers as I save this story and slay the evil green man!!

Bruce Banner: Seriously there are so many green people can everybody stop stealing my color? There's gold and silver and purple and brown and pink–orange too!

Deadpool: I SAID BE AWESOME BRUCIE DON'T RUIN MY LAST WORDS!

~*~

Deadpool: MAXIMUM EFFORT!!!

*Deadpool kills the Skrull. It collapses onto the ground like mushed-up guacamole*

Deadpool: WE ARE FREE OF EVIL! EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT THOR WEARS A CAPE TO COVER THAT GODLY A*S.

Thor: Should I be delighted or disgusted by this human?

Bruce Banner: Disgusted. Definitely disgusted.

Peter Parker: Okay, the Skrull's gone. What now?

Deadpool: Well, Tortilla chips of course. Free guacamole is a once-in-a-lifetime deal, my fellow grasshopper.

Peter Parker: I mean about the Author! She's still gone! I miss how she says be awesome :c it brightens up my day after Flash floods my locker with Coke.

Bruce Banner: Wait, if the Author's dead, then who's writing what is up above...?

Everyone: ...

Deadpool: Time to use my sixth sense....

Author: Hello everyone!

Everyone: GASP!

Author: I'm back ;) stay tuned for more, awesome readers, and keep being awesome!!!

Author: Peter you are an awesome, precious cinnamon roll.

Peter Parker: c: I'm just your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man, Milady!

*Whole Universe and Deadpool swoon*

#the dark origins story of my author's notes #featuring fetus lothirielswan #and Majestic Deadpool #deadpool #marvel #avengers

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nightincider · 7 years

Text

A Somewhat Skewed Guide to Listening to Taylor Swift

I wrote this for a friend a year ago who was interested in getting into Taylor Swift and had no idea where to start - this is by no means a formal review, but a casual personal overview on Taylor Swift that I thought would be amusing to post here.

Warning: unfiltered, unedited rambling :’D

Disclaimer: I confess I’m not familiar with 100% of her discography (I usually don’t listen to the bonus tracks/know all of her standalones)

Note: I will be going in chronological order of her discography even though that’s not how my journey through her stuff went

Taylor Swift (2006)

don’t listen to this if you actually hate country music bc this is defs more on the country side of her country-pop crossover (mandolins, banjos, thankfully no annoying vocal twang)

this album is a great insight to her roots as a songwriter but it’s best enjoyed if you already like her, it’s like peeking into the old diary of someone you admire

Picture to Burn - hilarious breakup song trash talking an ex about how his pickup truck is stupid (you think I’m kidding but I’m not), video is awesome and shows her band trashing his house. I once sang this at karaoke and my friend fucking died and she didn’t believe the lyrics were actually a T Swift song

Mary’s Song (Oh My My My) - a really pretty, sappy gem about a long term love

everything else I could take or leave tbh

Fearless (2008)

tbh I still don’t “get” this album bc it’s a bit immature for my tastes but I’m sure young teen me would have loved it if it came out then. But overall I feel like this album only disappoints me bc her later work is so much better. Otherwise it’s actually pretty great

Fearless - the title song for good reason, appropriate way to begin the album and starts off with the attitude of facing love with a, you guessed it, fearless outlook

Love Story - ok the Romeo & Juliet ref and the sappy lyrics are kinda cringeworthy but overlooking that it is probably one of her most well-written pop songs to date in terms of the melody, arrangement, catchiness etc and I will always have a soft spot in my heart for this

Breathe (feat. Colbie Caillat) - understated soft, sad pretty track

Forever and Always - I really love the melody in this one and the mentions of rain. This feels like the precursor to Mine (off Speak Now), except the relationship in the song didn’t actually work out

Change - notably NOT about relationships but about looking forward to positive changes and winning in life whatnot. It’s uplifting and I see it as the prequel to Long Live (from Speak Now)

everything else is not bad but doesn’t quite make my favs like this list. shoot me but I find Fifteen and You Belong With Me way overrated

Speak Now (2010)

supposedly before writing this album Swift wanted to go with the concept “Enchanted” (which is one of the songs as well) but her label told her she needed to show she was maturing and not make an album that was basically Fearless 2.0 so she opted for the idea of “Speak Now”, which is total (sometimes brutal) honesty

This album does indeed speak her mind, in the sad, happy, and even embarrassing ways (coughs the title track is about her fantasizing about crashing her ex’s wedding and stealing him away and makes comments about how the bride’s gown looks like a pastry)

Before Red, Swift released a lot of singles w/ multiple versions, usually a US (read: more country) and international (read: more pop/rock) one.

IMO, the singles on Speak Now (Mine, Back to December, Story of Us) sound way, way better on the international edition. So please try to find those versions!

Mine - please check out the international version it’s miles better than the US version (more driving rhythm/urgency, better guitar riff, the US version is too laid back IMO)

Sparks Fly - a song about undeniable chemistry, the chorus is one of my favs

Back to December - slow, sad, and beautiful. I almost cried over this. I prefer this to Dear John bc it’s not as brutal and more accessible (Dear John is great too but really hard to listen to that often). Again international version is better bc the mandolin part in the US version is annoying.

Mean - kind of childish but that’s why I love it, it’s the pop song equivalent of a kid sticking their tongue out at their bullies on the playground

The Story of Us - not as emotionally wrenching as a lot of the other breakup songs but probably the catchiest and I love the beat

Enchanted - love at first sight type song. I really like the song structure (especially how it builds up) and instrumentation, and the bridge stanza is my favorite

Better Than Revenge - T Swift doing Paramore

Innocent - T Swift doing Evanescence, also I think that song was a jab back at Kanye West lmfao

Long Live - song about taking on the world, proving ppl wrong, having great adventures, I wish I could someday feel worthy of singing this song

the one dud IMO is Never Grow Up (it’s kinda boring plus I think she was too young to write well from the perspective of a parent).

Red (2012)

This was THE album that converted me to the cult of Swift and I hope it converts you too

I confess I only really noticed the beauty of Speak Now bc I went back and listened to it properly after I got tired of spinning Red during my commute

Fun fact: I only bothered to give this album a try after my white hipster bestie (whom I had a huge gross crush on at the time) rec’d it and I was like wtf at first but he was like no really give it a shot, so I did.

Red is every bit as honest as Speak Now but it’s not as bitter or playful it’s more sad and resigned and more nostalgic, wistful, you get it...

It’s painful for me to rec my favs from it bc I’d say the ENTIRE FUCKING ALBUM but I’ll. try. /grits teeth

State of Grace - those drums! that guitar! that whole “we’re on a journey and it’s beginning” feel… this is her strongest album opening track to date (1989 totally bombed in that aspect, fuck Welcome to New York)

Red - I don’t know how a song has literally 2 unique melody lines but still manages to be so amazing. Unfair.

Treacherous - the whole excitement of falling in love with someone that you probably shouldn’t but presented in an unexpectedly tender way

All Too Well - by this point Swift has a trend of making song #5 the sad slow ballad (it’s a thing her fans have noticed). This song hits me hard on a personal level bc it reminds me of my 2.5 year relationship that ended and it’s incredibly well-written, from the lyrics reminiscing on the past to taking you back into that moment during the choruses, also the bridge just breaks me. This is probably the pinnacle of sad breakup songs and you cannot convince me otherwise

I Almost Do - All Too Well’s more timid but no less heartbreaking cousin

Holy Ground - this is kind of the banner song of the album despite not being the title track. While Red is meant to set the backdrop for this album’s themes, this song embodies the core of the album best IMO. And it has a danceable beat to boot.

Sad Beautiful Tragic - I used to skip this a lot after Holy Ground bc it’s a bit of a downer but it has an understated beauty

Starlight - want to see Swift write fanfiction? well here’s your chance. This song is about Ethel and Bobby Kennedy as teenagers. also embarrassing confession: I want to sing this at my own wedding if I ever get married someday. Best part is the piano line that evokes twinkling stars

I’m rather indifferent to the big pop singles in this album (I Knew You Were Trouble, 22, We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. They’re good but, ultimately the best stuff is the album tracks)

1989 (2014)

the album that converted a lot of pop lovers to the cult of Swift

shows a lot of growth and experimentation since Red, but Red is still personally my favorite, this one’s a close second tho

Swift has said in interviews that Red was a devastating album to write but 1989 is more about moving on from that and focusing on herself and it’s overall both more optimistic (regarding life in general) and calculated and cynical (regarding romance)

1989 is the year Swift was born, btw. Coincidentally the album has 13 tracks not counting the bonus ones and 13 is Swift’s favorite number (she was also born on Dec 13)

I have this whole conspiracy theory level of analysis going on about how this is a sequel to Red and how those two albums are linked in a way that the others aren’t

let’s get it out of the way, Welcome to New York is the obvious dud. sorry to our mutual friends who love NY but the song kind of sucks in itself oops. Like it’s very uninspired and generic

for an actual good song about NY check out Vienna Teng’s Goodnight New York

Blank Space - overplayed but I love the idea of Swift parodying what her critics think of her

Out of the Woods - it’s a song about uncertainty in a relationship and the ending is left up to interpretation and I love the repetitive chorus bc it illustrates the feeling of being trapped in the woods and seeing trees flash by you. The bridge has a personal anecdote (the brakes/stitches mentioned are from a minor snowmobile accident).

All You Had to Do Was Stay - about a dream Swift had where all she could do is say “stay” in a high pitched voice to an ex and it embarrassed her lol. Typical pining song but something about those “stays” sound way more painful than comical in practice.

Shake It Off - a good pick-me-up for the slow days and the only big single of hers I haven’t gotten utterly sick of

I Wish You Would - reminds me a lot of HAIM, and it’s oddly one song that I almost never skip when it comes up on my commute shuffle despite having heard every song on this album too many times. understated but solid.

Wildest Dreams - Swift doing Lana Del Rey better than Lana Del Rey

How You Get the Girl - cute but all I can think of is her cat in the Diet Coke commercial that used this song

This Love - I feel like this is the song tying the album together, it’s the most vulnerable track and the one flame of hope amidst all the jadedness that pervades the album regarding romance. It’s kind of meta in some way like it describes not only T Swift the character in the album but also possibly T Swift the person? This song is very important to me.

I Know Places - kind of a darker sound (for her)

Clean - a song about moving on from a relationship, I’m already biased towards this bc Imogen Heap worked on it but it’s really beautiful, and I love when Heap’s harmonies come in.

New Romantics - the freakin song of our generation, the lyrics are so fucking real I can’t even

misc/standalones

Safe and Sound (feat. the Civil Wars) - from the Hunger Games OST, it’s pure folk goodness

Sweeter than Fiction - the happy ending we all want. has a bit of a beach-rock vibe to it with a very 80s production

Ronan - written for a child who died from cancer, it’s beautiful and sad

Thank you for reading if you’ve even made it this far and I hope I didn’t overwhelm you, happy listening! :D

#Taylor Swift #Taylor Swift Fearless #Taylor Swift Speak Now #Taylor Swift Red #Taylor Swift 1989

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