#btw there is like. a bare minimum of thought put behind this i just use whatever photos i like and that give me apollo vibes

[sierice]

just realized that i can post my outfit inspos for apollo on this blog. im going to abuse this a normal amount i promise. wait whats that- [hits you with 5 blocks of images]

[trashlie]

heyooo it's lil anon again 😼 sorry for disappearing for a while. hope you've been well, though! <3 i'm glad you enjoyed my shinae powerpoint headcanons, your reaction made me smile so much my cheeks hurt LMAO

on anti-hero nol, i'm actually 100% with you! i'm a firm believer in "living well is the best revenge" and i *need* to see this character heal and find peace :( </3 it's just the possibility of it hanging over his head that appeals to me; him coming close to tipping over, being aware that he could go down this path and would have all the reasons and justifications to do it, but then still choosing not to. but yeah hopefully he doesn't cross that line and becomes a dying star like you put it so beautifully ;A; what do you think of the possibility of him becoming the ceo btw? there has been some foreshadowing, but personally i don't see current nol being happy in a position like that, he hates this entire environment too much. also i just don't like the idea of him becoming a venture capitalist lmao ;; that patreon post of the trio post-timeskip and nol being dressed in casual clothes (instead of business-like like shin and kou) kinda aligns with my thoughts, but i know it's very flimsy lol. also crazy thought but walk with me for a second. capitalism being evil aside, what if in a turn of events shinae becomes the ceo instead? wouldn't that be wild for SO many reasons? listen, chances are low but never zero! 😋

re: alyssa... first of all, thank you for your detailed commentary, i completely agree with what you said about her circumstances, sexuality, need to fit in etc. and it's great that you like her and are optimistic about her, i genuinely mean it! the main reason i don't vibe with alyssa is that she uses people as stepping stones to climb higher and never lifts them up with her. for example, when she started hanging out with more people in middle school, she could've used her "improved" social standing to help shinae. she could've introduced her, been like "hey this girl is actually really cool guys give her a chance". but instead she started ignoring shinae, basically tried to get rid of her when she didn't need her anymore. yeah, she kind of defended shinae once, but that's not enough for me. you can say maybe she feared losing her new status, or was scared of her feelings, or was simply too immature, but i think she really should know what it's like to be an outcast, what it's like to be alone. and it bothers me that she basically just left shinae behind when she moved up. same thing when she met nol/soushi/dieter; she latched on to nol to benefit from his family and then started ignoring him, doing the bare minimum to not lose that connection. we've never actually seen her with soushi/dieter. i wouldn't be surprised if she's never even contacted them after becoming a trainee/mingling with the upper class. her desperate need to fit in and aspiring power are meh but understandable, but it's the lack of gratitude and empathy that just bothers me :// like these are all people who were kind to her when she was at her lowest, yet this is how she treats them? she just... takes it all for granted and never gives back? some might say she doesn't owe them anything, but to me, it's just basic decency. not to sound cheesy, but... climb the ladder all you want, just don't forget who was there for you when you were at the bottom :/ and yeah i'd still love for her to free herself from yui and grow as a person (and ideally end her comphet era), but i also wonder if there's even space for major alyssa development...

i also saw your recent post on the entire shinae dieter nol/romantic development thing fiasco and hoo boy you are so right. tbh what also really bothers me (on top of the hypocrisy and ableism) is how people tend to strip female characters of their agency 💀 like... how about we let shinae have her own preferences and make her own choices, even if it contradicts with what we'd personally do in her situation? instead of inserting ourselves via her and simultaneously centering everything around the guys??

this might ruffle some feathers. while i respect everyone's preferences, concerns, and opinions, it seems to me like some people who vehemently want shinae and dieter to be canon (or want nol and shinae to stay platonic) just... don't see the bigger picture here. like, nol and shinae are supposed to be the counterpart to rand and nessa. they're supposed to break free from yui and achieve the happiness rand and nessa tragically couldn't. in the context of the full story, them being lovers has a significant narrative purpose. don't get me wrong, i really don't believe that *all* ships need to have a narrative purpose, or that it makes a ship better, not at all! and it doesn't mean everyone has to *like* this ship, but it's important to understand that there is a reason why it's these two characters and not anyone else. i know this is very meta and i don't blame readers for not seeing the parallels (yet) because the hints have been very subtle, but once you realize it, you just can't unsee it... and sure, i don't know how the story will go, i might be completely wrong. but i'd be surprised if quim misses out on the opportunity to explore this parallel after setting it up. idk. what are your thoughts?

oh gosh, i talked so much again. alright. peace out - lil anon 😼

AHHHHH Lil Anon!!! I've missed you!!!! I hope you've been well! I got so excited when I opened tumblr and saw a new message notification because I was so hopeful it would be you! I haven't been able to pull myself together to talk about the recent episodes (which is a shame because I am LOVING them!) but I think this is gonna give me the head space to do it, now!!! Sometimes you just gotta dip your toe in and then the full brainrot goes STRONG!

what do you think of the possibility of him becoming the ceo btw? there has been some foreshadowing, but personally i don't see current nol being happy in a position like that, he hates this entire environment too much.

BOY DO I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS! I'm very much with you, here. Just like I'm not into the idea of Nol being an anti-hero and his story being about revenge, I can't see him becoming CEO. I think people want it because the whole taking from Kousuke what he wants*, defying Yui's intentions, the David and Goliath of it all and I get that but - right. I want Nol to live WELL, I want him to live HAPPILY. I don't want him in a career that he doesn't love the way Kousuke has been, I don't want him in an environment that doesn't appeal to him. And maybe we're wrong - maybe there's a part of him that feels comfortable and will thrive, but from what little he's said of it, when he told Shinae he doesn't feel like it he fits in to this world really he's just putting on that mask, playing that role, it makes me feel like it's not his ideal setting. And, yes, I have considered the Patreon illustration as part of this. I know this was work for a client so we can only glean so much from it - is she really using it as a glimpse of the future? I like to think so!

But something I've been thinking a LOT about re: this current arc is that we will at some point see Nol, Kousuke, and Shinae as a team. I've always thought she's going to be that bridge, but I think Nol and Kousuke themselves are going to find their ways to peace and healing.... but it's gonna be a long road lol. But something I've been talking about with another reader is that we could have the trio set up where Kousuke acts as a double agent and Corporate World Shinae is the eyes and ears for Nol who I think may not join in the corporate world. Now, I can't be more detailed about how I think this would work because I am not a corporate person at alllll lmao but I think there's something soooo satisfying about the idea of Kousuke following the path Yui intended, but to turn around and use that power to dismantle her. Could he (and Shinae) quietly amass allies? Could he enact policy change that would somehow oppose her or her methods? Where does Nol come into this? Look idk I gotta see what the future holds LMAO but I've come to really love this idea of them being a team beneath Yui's nose, of Yui's little creation taking everything she taught him everything she instilled in him and using it against her lmaoooo

Hear me out, okay? I know right now it seems like Nol has wiped his hands of Kousuke, has said too little too late that's not changing. But Nol is under the impression that Yui loves Kousuke. He's under the impression that Kousuke has always had his needs met, that she'd do anything for him, that she has always treated him like a prince. But we know now that's not the case. We can see that Kousuke never had that warm, loving relationship with Yui that Nol had with Nessa. And with the theory that Yui has been drugging Kousuke become more and more likely, I think Nol will have a change of heart whenever things come to light, whenever he realizes that Kousuke, too, has been very much a victim of Yui, that he was denied things that even Nol had for a short time. I don't think it means immediate forgiveness, but I think Nol would be able to find a formidable ally in someone who also cannot trust Yui further than he could throw her, who has been used and neglected by her.

There's a lot I hope for with the tragic siblings lmao. Nol has always felt Kousuke was the favored one, the one lavished in love when his was taken away. But Kousuke had always felt that Nol had the easy life, that because he didn't have to earn Rand's love (because he thought Nol had once done it) his life was easy, no burden or expectations. But once they both get that out of the way, once they see how the other has lived? What could be more glorious than the two people Yui set to make enemies of each other teaming up to destroy her with Shinae?

I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT!

That said I've never considered the idea of Shinae as CEO! Like Nol, I don't think it's quite something she'd want - I really just. Like the idea of Shinae helping people, but if she's going to stay in the corporate world like we think, then what would she be doing? Would she remain as Kousuke's assistant? Would she find that she has strength in something else? I'm really curious to see what her path is, because I don't know if this is going to be a "discover a strength you didn't realize you possessed" kind of deal or a "stay in this world so that you can defeat the evil and then figure yourself out" kind of thing.

Since Nol intended to follow in Rand's footsteps - was it his own empty hope that maybe he could make Rand see him for who he is, to be proud of him for once? or is it that this IS what he wants? Is that what he's going to do after prison? I'm so insatiably curious about this part of the future - where will everyone be? What are their intentions?! That image on patreon lives rent free at the back of my mind lmao like it's just SO intriguing to me, and how Nol seems so lax compared to Shinae but they're still linked to each other? I WANT TO SEE THE FUTURE SO BADLY!

When it comes to Alyssa, don't worry, I definitely get this! Like... there are DEFINITELY reasons to dislike Alyssa - I just always ask that people who dislike her dislike her for those reasons lmao like. I feel like so often she's gotten dislike simply because she "stands in the way of a ship" (which is... lmao hard to argue at this point of the story).

but i think she really should know what it's like to be an outcast, what it's like to be alone.

I think this is why I really want to see the story go to a place where Alyssa does have that fall from grace - where Sarah Lee of all people brings up bullying allegations and Alyssa's fans turn on her. Both because she has to, at some point, realize that conditional love is not going to fill the void she's trying to fill, and yes, because at some point if she's to grow, she NEEDS to contend with being alone - really alone, with only herself. I also agree that we may not have that in this story. I know I've discussed this before but it's very likely there are characters who won't see a "redemption arc". I just hope we get to see her grow, that maybe if she faces what she's been so afraid of, she'll finally see what she took for granted, what she didn't appreciate. I don't think it's likely that she'll win people over as fans lol but I guess I just acknowledge that I enjoy some really messy girls so I can't hold that against others who don't lmaoooo Alyssa is one of those characters who I think I'm as critical of as I enjoy, because what makes her so fascinating to me is the ways that she is uhhh... not a great friend, not a great partner lmaooo but I can't help but want to see her do better, be better. But I genuinely don't think it will happen unless she can find that comfort with herself.

And I guess that IS the thing about why I like her - there's something so very human about her that even if I don't approve of what she does, even if I hope for her to make changes, I understand why she is, and why she may never. But look, I acknowledge I'm a very hopeful person for some reason hah!

like... how about we let shinae have her own preferences and make her own choices, even if it contradicts with what we'd personally do in her situation? instead of inserting ourselves via her and simultaneously centering everything around the guys??

The funny thing about this is - this is how shipping has ALWAYS been. I know I was guilty of it when I was younger, too. I'm not even sure when I changed, but just that I was one day very aware of shipping debates that went "Well, I just don't think he's very masculine and I personally don't like him so I ship her with the other guy" and right like at that point... go write your self-insert fic, friend! That's clearly what you want, that's okay! Go write it! Shipping is fun and I'm not going to accuse people who get very into media for shippy reasons for reading for the wrong reasons or something, but right like... at the end of the day is it about YOUR preferences or is it about what makes most sense with the characters?

Like, I know whenever I talk about my shipping feelings I always preface that frankly, I don't think Shinae and Nol are in the place FOR a relationship right now. Nol is still trying to hide his feelings, Shinae isn't aware of hers. I think ultimately when people ship things, they ship them in a best case scenario. Like, shipping them doesn't mean I NEED them to confess and start dating right now - it means I hope that eventually that outcome may be, but I'm enjoying their interactions, I'm enjoying how they affect each other, I'm enjoying how their relationship affects the story.

And yeah! From a meta point, it's really clear that parallel has been set in motion. And definitely, shipping based on literature device is not a reason TO ship - but I think it just plays into what makes them shippable? Because yeah we see them mirroring something that was ultimately tragic, something with a ripple effect so vast it's caught all of these people in the waves, and we want to see it go differently. We see Nol falling into his father's footsteps whether or not he realizes it and we want to see him stop that, we want to see the generational cycle ended. And as a device it works BECAUSE of what they mean to each other, what their chemistry is. It gives us an idea of what Rand and Nessa were like, and we end up hoping that Shinae can be to Nol what Nessa couldn't be to Rand. What could have happened if they'd been able to be a team, if they'd been able to deal with the obstacles around them.

And that's what makes a story! If a story was meant to be about the easiest routes, the "safest" or "healthiest" routes, would there be any story? And I say safest or healthiest that way because we don't know that Dieter and Shinae WOULD be any healthier. Like, yeah Dieter is straight forward about Shinae and he doesn't have a reason to hide or deny his feelings. But by virtue of being a more well-adjusted character, it's likely to be harder for Dieter to understand or deal with Shinae's particular baggage. It's not just about if one half of this relationship is "stable" because Shinae, too, has baggage. That's why we see Nol and Shinae drawn to each other on that emotional level even when they don't realize it right away - Shinae understands Nol's skittishness, why he pushes people away and isolates himself, because she's been there. Likewise, we've see that he understands when she isolates herself, when she put her walls back up to him and he made her take them down.

There's so many things I could - and maybe will one day - write about how the thing about Nol and Shinae is that they operate on the same frequency. Dieter provides security, that's definitely true. But security is not the end all of relationships, and it's not what everyone seeks, either. To some people, that's too safe, too healthy lol.

But right, between the writing acknowledging that Nol and Shinae operate on the same frequency, how they're able to understand and accept the way the other is and the very obvious parallel to Rand and Nessa set up, it's clear that this route provides more story. Again, like you said, that's not a reason TO necessarily ship something, but the set up is done not in spite of what Dieter and Shinae could be. It doesn't sacrifice a chunk of story for nothing, you know?

idk I have a lot of thoughts that maybe I'll get down one day but right, that's what it really comes down to. The parallel between Nessa/Rand and Shinae/Nol wouldn't work as well if they didn't have that chemistry, if they didn't respond to each other the way they do. It's the way Shinae continues to try to reach him even when he tries to push her away. It's the stupid way he tries to push her away but has that tendency to fold. It's the way she brings him that comfort and peace, and how he brought out of a part of her she was too afraid to ever let out again. I don't think I'd be much into the pairing at this point if it seemed to me that Shinae had no stock in it, if it didn't have pay off for her. If it was constantly being hurt with no sign of him ever changing? But she herself has made the resolution to keep trying, to find a new approach, to break down his walls like he did for her. And frankly? She's never really seemed to like things coming to her easy has she alfjkfakjfaj LMAO

At the end of the day, it's about Shinae's choices. It's not about what is healthiest, what is more stable, who has hurt who. It's about who want to be with each other \o/ It's fine to be disappointed if she doesn't end up dating Dieter, but yeah, it feels weird for the discourse to end up being "Dieter liked her first" or "He's more stable" instead of it being "Oh no poor Dieter, it looks like Shinae has developed feelings for his friend :(" or something that allows her to have her agency.

(Also I hate the "so and so liked them first" because it also removes the agency of the other person. Dieter liked her first, it's true, but if he wound up liking his friend, and his friend wound up liking her, does that mean they can never be together? Dieter will not be hung up on Shinae for the rest of his life, I am sure. In the same way that Dieter has been comfortable and secure for Shinae, I think she was similar to him, too. She made him feel seen. And there will be others who will make him feel seen, too. His heart will heal and he will be okay. Acting like it's a cardinal sin for Nol to have inadvertently developed feelings is so afljkakfjjkaf? If he could control his feelings that way, then he would have used to that control to not care about them like he so badly wanted to lmao. If he could control his feelings, he would have done everything in his power to stop! alfkjkafkjafjkf see this is why I'm gonna wind up writing an essay one day. YOU THINK NOL INTENDED TO FALL FOR SHINAE?! He only just realized that's what's happened lmao you think he schemed for this? You think he pointedly did things to make her like him so he could "steal" her from someone she isn't dating? YELLS)

[princessprettyprivilege]

Even though I agree with your post about how we as dark skin/minority have to work harder for the bare minimum , I would like to take to consideration that other ethnicities specially white in my perspective only seem to have an advantage because they mostly are more submissive like they are more likely to put up with a lot of stuff that is unacceptable just to keep their place on the scale, plus white people were the powerful ones centuries ago and they set the rules for their own kind to win and anything else specially black people to lose on pretty much everything, also not everything is what it seems on the outside it looks like they are treated better and a lot of the time they, of course but at what cost? they also deal with humiliation and disrespect and abuse like any other women do, and then this system creates competition for different ethicities to try to accept things and want to please the ones with power so they are not treated as bad as the ones below but from my point of view is all an illusion to keep the competition going of course the ones who are privileged to have certain benefits by their color of skin and so on but from my point of view is just like the fool following the carrot just enough to keep them going but still as disrespected and fucked up as the rest of us but more likely behind close doors and praised on the outside and we black women, I personally interpret it as the scapegoat that has to deal with of course the worse part because a lot of times we are not willing to accept certain things and also the society needs someone to fulfil this role of the scapegoat and that have been the minority who actually is not even minority, is part of the smoke screen being casted to keep us all stuck on this mindset we are not deserving and we have done that for centuries because of the lack of knowledge, opportunities and a lot of unjust competition, jealousy, hatred but even still with all that society wants what we have and that's why they also copy us everything but do not give us the respect, credit or acknowledgment we deserve as equals, I don't know if my point will come across correctly, English is not my first language and btw I am not saying I have the last word at all, there are too many things that come into the equation but at least I think it's something to think about, not everything is what it seems and also encourage us black women not to feel inferior because we are worthy of everything we thought we couldn't have, we need to change this mindset we have been passing on for generations and break free from believing what others have to say and take it as the true, and also being ok with occupying space and honor ourselves, we just need to own it and not let the mindset and bad vibes of others make us feel like we are not deserving or we are ugly because we are not❤❤❤

Hello,

I agree with everything you said, your advice and fully understand your message. From that post I made a few months ago, I feel as it cracked me a little because I let outside conditions make me feel I wasn’t worth my weight. I learned it’s really hard to break generational habits and social media conditions you every second if you let it.

Conditioning is a hard pill to swallow since the point is to pad the true messenger and make their thoughts someone else’s. I had to question myself over the last few weeks since asking why something is X, Y and Z even though it’s always been that way is bound to offend them.

Whenever I’d step out of conditioning, every moment felt out of body and I’d receive backlash from people I thought would understand the most. I mentioned before when I stayed off of social media to experience life as it is, nothing was what it seemed and the front door became a metaphor for the faux hierarchy while the side door is the private entrance for those who know.

It’s a shock to have blinders taken off of me for my hair choices especially. Seeing myself with completely straight hair that lacked texture vs. textured, blown out yet straightened hair was like looking at a stranger. Why was it I looked unrecognizable with texture similar to my own, and now with 2A straight hair, I wanted to trash it entirely??

I found out I didn’t like the contrast 2A hair had on my face and nose compared to long 4A hair making my own features stand out. When I was in high school, I also didn’t like how extra long, straight locks magnified insecurities I never knew I had??? 2A made me innately feel like I had to contour my nose to match the hair (even though I’d never ever go to that length & it was never something I’d think) or else it looked like it was wearing me.

It was just 2 years ago femininity became natural for me. It’s really a generational milestone and took blood, sweat and tears just like the journeys we’re all proactively on.

Thank you,

[lazydoodlesandfanfic]

Should Have Been A Dad (Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader)

Characters: Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader

Universe: Marvel, Avengers

Warnings: Tons of swearing, death of parent, abandoment, neglect, verbal abuse and running away

ANGST 

Request: Soooo- Ok I wanna give you some freedom with this request. Ima let you chose the character and fandom... But if you don't wanna then a tony stark fic is fine (Im inserting tonys name btw you can change it as I said), anywho so just a fic where R doesn't have any family tony hates them but it turns out tony is there dad but tony only hates them because he doesn't wanna hurt them... preferably F reader…

You hated your life. It was easy enough to state, and everyone always tried to tell you ‘oh, hate’s a strong word, it can’t be that bad!’ and then you explain your situation to them, and they go silent. 

The main reason people probably think you were being a drama queen when it came to your situation probably revolved around the fact that you lived in the Avengers tower. Had your own room and everything, but your room was on a totally different floor from everyone else- in fact it was on a floor that Stark had mathematically figured out that people would be least likely to go to. You knew this. FRIDAY had told you.

That led you nicely to your other problem, loneliness. The tower was always bustling with people, but none of them with you. In fact it took an entire year for Captain America to find out you were there, and then when Black Widow and Hawkeye found out about you they presumed you were sneaking in and pulled a gun on you. They rarely came to see you, it usually being by accident, and since you were used to being alone, you struggled socially. 

It didn’t mean you didn’t try- you had a few friends in school, people who in some way related to your situation, whether that being ignored and neglected by their family, feeling hated and as an outsider, or even not having a family. You fit all of that- your mom had died about 2 years ago now, her family being uber religious and immediately refusing to take any responsibility for her ‘mistake’, and somehow, someway, Tony Stark ended up as your primary caregiver. What a joke. He did the bare minimum, providing shelter, food and an education, but that was it. There was no checking in to make sure you were okay, not even asking how your day was. In fact it was the opposite, he couldn’t stand you, he barely spoke to you, and when he did he insulted everything he could- your grades, you being behind on homework, your awkwardness- he even insulted you for being upset and struggling! 

You hated him. You despised him. He didn’t have to sign those papers but he did, and you wish he didn’t! You couldn’t wait to be old enough to buy your own car and drive far, far away from him and the hell he had put you through. However, maybe you didn’t have to wait as long as you thought…

One of your friends had suggested this plan to you a few months ago, really at the time it was just a fantasy plan of what you guys wanted to do: you and some of your other friends save up your money and buy a beaten up minivan that one of your friend’s neighbour’s had that they wanted to sell, throw the bare essentials in the back and just go. At the time you all laughed about it, saying how it was something doable back in the 70’s and 80’s, but not really now. However, with that thought in your head, you started saving money. You got a job after school and worked hard, even earning some bonusses, and it also meant you didn’t have to spend more time with Stark. Not long after getting a bonus, your friends also shared with you that they were doing the same. It was then one of your friends suggested a sleepover that weekend.

In that sleepover, you stayed up all night, planning. You plotted out how much this would actually cost to do- the cost of the van, the cost of gas for hundreds of miles, the cost of food, hotels, and ideas for ideal locations. One of your friends pointed you to a house that was in the family’s name though no one lived there a few states over in a small town where renting would be cheaper and job opportunities better, and the house was big enough for you all. Some of you even talked about who would share what rooms when you got there. You discussed what you’d need to bring, what you’d need to leave behind, and how much left you guys needed to save. After figuring out how long it would take you guys to reach that goal, you set a date: in 6 months, you’d pack your bags, and leave for good, leaving behind anything that held no sentimental value, and going to start anew with the only people who you really connected with anymore. 

That date was finally upon you. 

As you sat eating dinner alone, you couldn’t get off your phone. You had one suitcase packed, and you just needed to do the final bit tonight for your backpack, and then you could go. Your friend had bought the van and had cleaned it out and made sure everything was in running order with electricity and heating, and packed the back with pillows and blankets. Two of your friends were gonna have a sleepover with her, and you and one other were gonna meet up and walk the rest of the way at an agreed time. 

“What are you doing?” The voice immediately ruined your excitement as you put your phone in your pocket, looking up at Tony who was stood in the doorway. 

“...Having dinner.” You answered, looking down at your food, picking at it. You’d long learned that you shouldn’t give him information- he’ll use it against you. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” He asked, walking closer. 

“I quit.” 

“When?” 

“This morning.” 

“Why?”

“I’ve got my eye on another job and it’ll be better for me.” You responded bluntly, putting food into your mouth purely so you wouldn’t have to respond to him for a while. Tony came closer, sitting opposite you at the table, and he stared at you. You looked at him, chewing and swallowing. “What?” 

“Your grades are low.” 

“Oh not this shit again.” You groaned, leaning away from the table, turning away, though Tony grabbed your hand to keep you at the table. 

“We need to talk about this-” 

“No we don’t! I already know what you’re gonna say! ‘Y/N, you’re so lazy, get it together, Y/N, I know you’re stupid but can you atleast try, Y/N, you’re making me look bad, stop being so pathetic, try harder!’” You mimicked him, repeating genuine things he had said to you before pulling your hand away from his, getting up from your seat. 

“Y/N, please-” Tony got up, going to follow you when you turned around.

“Leave me the fuck alone, Tony! I hate you! You’ve made my life hell! When my mom died and her family called me a bastard and refused to love me, the last thing I needed was some rich asshole taking me in just to neglect and abuse me! I wish you’d just left me for dead, dropping me off in some group home! I’d be so much happier!” You snapped at him. Tony stood there, surprised by your outburst, but for you it felt so good to finally get it off your chest. The best part? You wouldn’t face repercussions, you’d be gone in a few hours. Everything you’d felt for so long, was finally coming out. Sure there was a flood of tears, but there was also a proud grin. “I can’t wait to get as far away as possible from you.”

“Y/N, that won’t be for a few more years, so how about we try starting anew, okay? Let’s try and patch things up.” Tony tried to calm you down, reaching to put a hand on your shoulder that you tore away and pushed him away. 

“I want nothing to do with you. I don’t want a thing to do with you. I don’t want a relationship, I don’t want to even breath the same air as you, Tony.” You told him. “So go hang out with your little superhero friends who can stand you, because I can’t. Go on, now!” You told him, shooing him with your hand. Tony sighed defeated, pinching his nose, before turning to leave the room. He stopped in the doorway to turn to you, pointing to you. 

“We’re talking about this in the morning.” He stated before leaving. You grinned, turning and going to your room to finish packing your bag and asking your friend if they wanted to meet up earlier- they agreed. 

Tony arrived back on your floor in the early mornings, seeing your dinner from the night prior, cold and forgotten. He sighed, before going to your bedroom door, and knocking. “Y/N, it’s me. Look, we need to talk…” He said, waiting for a response, though he didn’t get one. He took a deep breath… let the barriers down… be honest… “There’s things I didn’t tell you, things I should have told you from the beginning…” 

“I don’t hate you. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have made those comments or made you feel so alone… I do care about you… it’s why I took you in when your mom died… I loved her… if she saw how I’ve treated you, she’d kill me… I’ve not been a good dad… I know I could have done tons better, there’s no excuse… but I want to do better. Please, just… one more chance.” 

He waited another moment for a response, for you to tell him to leave, for you to open the door, for anything, but nothing. He tried the handle, finding it unlocked and peaking his head in, expecting a book or lamp to be thrown at him, but nothing. He turned the lights on, immediately noticing the lack of a teenager in the room. He walked in closer, nothing your school backpack missing, but it was a weekend… then he saw the note. 

Tony,

I’ve gone to be happy with people who get me. We’re fine, we’ve planned this for months, we’ll be fine. Don’t look for me. If you care about me, leave me to be happy. 

Y/N. 

“FRIDAY call the cops, I need to report Y/N as missing. Now.” 

“Mr Stark-”

“NOW!” He demanded, checking to see what you had taken and what you had left, trying for the life of him to remember what you owned so he knew what to report was taken. He knew that since you’d ran away and had left a note saying so, and that you’d gone with friends that the cops wouldn’t take your case seriously- but he’d heard that a thousand times, always when talking about missing and dead kids who were found after finding themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people. Worst of all, he knew that if anything happened to you, it would be purely his fault. He drove you away, he made you despise life so much you were willing to just get in some car with friends and drive into the sunlight hoping for a better life. He had no idea where you planned to go, how far, he didn’t know who you had gone with, he didn’t know if the people you had gone with were genuine and would look out for you if something was to happen- what if you’d gotten mixed into the wrong crowd? It would explain your dropping grades… he should have tried harder a lot sooner, he should have been kinder… 

He should have been your dad. 

Hope you like it! If you have any questions, please send them in!

*Not my gif

TAGS:  @klanceiscannon14​ @marvelhoeingismyhobby-blog​ @bellamyblakemorley @dummiesshort  @abbybills22-blog​ @mutantjediavenger @theoraekensnotsosecretlover​ @alicedanganh @sleutherclaw @sleepy-coffee-bean  @courtneychicken​  @graysonmalfoy​ @bellero​ @originalpottervengerlock​ @supernatural-pan​ @esoltis280​ @lady-of-lies​ @lenaswritingandstuff @macbetheliza @mandywholock1980​ @cdwmtjb8​ @caswinchester2000​ @determinedpines​ @huntheimpossible 

[literatikoo]

Jess Mariano's alleged communication problems

If there is one thing the Gilmore Girls fandom agrees upon, whether you're team Jess or Dean or Logan, it's that Jess isn't great at communicating. There's just a consensus that he's not great at discussing his problems and that's the number 1 reason why his and Rory's relationship blew up in their face in season 3. But... this is a (somewhat) unfounded complaint? Don't get me wrong, I know Jess can be harsh and rude and really knows how to hit the nail on the head sometimes but there are also multiple instances where he talks after being pushed a little. Like every single time he's talked to Luke about Rory problems ("The girls I like don't give a damn about me," "I told her I loved her" and the infamous swan episode) or when he tells Rory, a girl he barely knows, that his mom doesn't want him back for Christmas.

The problem with Jess is that he picks and chooses who to communicate too. He definitely doesn't talk about Liz to Luke because he knows that Luke just doesn't believe that Liz is a bad person and a neglectful mother. And seriously, we've seen Luke enable Liz' terrible behaviour multiple times on the show, do you really think he would've believed whatever Jess had to say about her? He talks to Rory about Liz that one time and she doesn't believe him either and both we and Jess know that she has a right to that because she's never met Liz, but this is still enough for Jess to never bring her up again (at least from what we see) because he's a 17 year old kid with a terrible relationship with his parents. NO 17 year old kid who's been treated bad by their parents would want to open up about it because it's pretty strongly ingrained in us that having negative emotions against your parents is WRONG. On the other hand, Jess knows that Luke sees his and Rory's relationship and may even help because he has his own unique relationship with the Gilmore Girls, which is why he's much more open about Rory and even seeks advice on occasion.

Now, let's talk about Jess' less than stellar communication moments:

1. Lying about school and Walmart: Jess skives off school a LOT to work at Walmart and save up money. He doesn't tell anyone about it. Why? Because for everyone else in Stars Hollow, and for most of us too, school is important and education is a positive thing needed for growth. But who knows how often Jess went to school before SH, we already know he has a bad relationship with the educational system but why? When he goes back to NY in s2 it's obvious he's not going to school and we know Liz moved around a lot so he may be a lot more behind in school than we know. Yes, he's smart and he reads a lot but that's not enough to do well in school; you need to be able to conform a fair amount and I don't think Jess even went enough to know that. Jess already wasn't planning on going to college and he knows that living with Luke is temporary, which is why he puts more importance into saving up money. He was already working for the future, just in a different way from everyone else. It's obvious that he also wasn't planning to flunk out of school, it happened because he wasn't attending enough not because he was failing (which pisses me off so much don't even get me started). He was going to graduate and then he was going to use the money he saved up while looking for a job that suited him. And that's a pretty solid plan honestly, especially since he didn't have the luxury to suddenly decide to go to 4 year college because his girlfriend told him too like Dean. But this is something else he just couldn't talk about to Luke or Rory, who both think he's capable of great things within the academic sphere. Mind you, once Luke found out he was skipping school he didn't deal with things in the best way either. He stole his car, effectively cutting off Jess' last bit of independence. I really feel like Jess was just waiting to graduate before he had THE talk with Rory about their future, and it was obvious he was thinking longterm ("22.8 miles"). That is before everything goes to shit.

2. Keg! Max!: Let me preface this by saying that Jess definitely made irreversible mistakes in this episode... but it wasn't for the lack of trying. This is the episode that he finds out he's not graduating and we can see him struggling with this information, he's tense and angry and his emotions are simmering. His interactions with Rory, which are usually so easygoing, are surrounded by this air of finality. At this moment, he knows he's going to lose her and his home with Luke because that's what the deal was. But he still goes with her to that party and he still does the bare minimum of mingling. Throughout the party he tells Rory that he wants to leave, I'm guessing to talk to her about what happened. But they don't (this is NOT Rory's fault btw, she had no way to know what happened either) and instead Jess' emotions get the better of him. This is the first of the two instances where we really see how non communicative Jess can be. However I still maintain that if Dean hadn't gotten involved, Jess and Rory would've been able to talk. (fuck Dean)

3. Jess leaves: This is the second case where we see him being truly non communicative, and unfortunately I don't have much to say in his defence. Except that he probably was still reeling from losing his home and meeting his Dad and just didn't know how to put that insane amount of emotion into words. He also probably thought that Rory just didn't want to talk to him anymore because of how terribly he treated her, especially since he was just going to give her more bad news. He could see himself self destructing, and didn't want Rory to be collateral damage.

4. Smaller instances (Swan song, Not calling Rory, fighting with Lorelai): Okay, I think the swan incident was Rory's fault, because he was telling her the truth and just didn't want to get into it in front of Emily. But she wasn't ready to hear it until she talked to Dean, which honestly was a sucky move on her part. The not calling her when he said he would while they were dating in that one random episode was also a similar misunderstanding. The thing in common with both of these instances was that he was ready to learn afterwards; he said he was willing to go back to Emily's house and he bought them tickets to the Distillers and from what the show tells us they had a lot more consistent date nights after that. This was Jess' first proper relationship and he was really trying. Now the Lorelai thing... he just didn't want her in his business. They had no relation to each other and she was very condescending to him the first time they met, he wasn't great either but when an adult talks to you the way she did after you've just been uprooted at your mothers whims, you tend to hate them a little. And honestly I always thought that Jess being weirded out by Lorelai's involvement in his and Rory's relationship was more normal 17 year old behaviour than Dean being overly friendly with her.

So, in conclusion, because he made two big fatal communication mistakes, he's labelled as the broody non talking type. When we see most of the characters actually do the same (Rory drops out of Yale and cuts off ties with her mother, Lorelai sleeps with Christopher after months of miscommunication with Luke, Luke doesn't tell Lorelai, his fiance, that he has a daughter), seriously, they've all made mistakes and this doesn't diminish the mistakes that Jess has made and the hurt he has caused, but he also doesn't deserve to have non communicative as a personality trait. If it was seriously that big of a problem, he wouldn't have been able to grow from it that quickly (by the end of s4) and by reading self help books of all things. I also think it comes off like that because he was in the show for so little time, and that's what the writers chose to focus on.

So tldr, Jess isn't as non communicative as the show wants us to believe and he definitely isn't broody.

[whumpersdump]

Project Rebirth - CH4: Final Touches

Content! From Whumper’s POV. (They’ll get a title soon btw, I just haven’t decided on a name yet).

[ Previous ] -- [ Masterlist ]

TW: (None of these are graphic) Restraints / blink-and-you-miss it use of  “it” as a pronoun / dehuminization / non-con surgery (non-graphic, whumpee isn’t awake) / lab whump / pet whump / sedation / sensory deprivation (not from Whumpee’s POV) / brain-fiddling? (he talks of an implant that restricts basically everything from speaking to moving. It’s mentioned, not shown)

Everything is set for the first practical stage of Project Rebirth to begin. All that is need is some final surgical attention, and a last talk to Whumper’s new investors. Also no editing we die like Toby’s previous owner...

Whumper sat next to Subject One, like he had every moment of spare time in the past five days. The last two, they barely twitched a muscle. Of course this was in part because of the starvation, but it was nice to have achieved nonetheless. Even if would wear of. Their body may be still, but the occasional twitch, hitch of a breath, told him their mind was racing.

He already picked out a name for them. Their masterpiece, even if it would take nine months before he would see their frantic eyes again. Everything was prepared. Their nursery—which was a rather misleading name, but it fit the process, and the marketing—was almost done, the housing facility would be complete in three months.

Subject One was the only one who really needed to be in the container for the sake of the time that it would give Whumper, but the aspect fit the aesthetic his investors expected. It would be what kept the program running for decades to come.

Subject One shuddered. They’d gotten the message. He’d chosen one of his newly acquired sponsors to deliver it through the earpieces. Not because it needed to be. He could just as easily move, then sedate the subject. Make the chaos in their mind spike just before they’d awake in ominous calm. Comforting calm, though it would take a while for the subject to feel about in that way. They had nine months, it would be enough.

The sponsors needed to feel special anyway. Some of them could make perfect pets, the way they seemed to crave special attention. He could try it someday. With this Project, even they could be reborn.

He nodded at Toby. “Bring them to the surgeon. It’s time for stage 3.”

Toby exited the corner he’d been standing in for the past day. It was a test, to see how obedient he really was. So far, Whumper had been pleased. Sure, seeing pets shiver at the thought of accidentally moving a muscle without permission could be rewarding, but it didn’t bring the type of productivity he needed. Toby’s compliant personality, in combination with Whumper’s training, did.

Toby reached for the subject’s shoulder like he always did.

“Not anymore, Toby,” Whumper commanded. “No more touching of any kind. You can move them, tube and all.”

Toby obeyed. With precision, he took the hand truck out of place and rolled it over to the doors that opened to the medical wing. Subject One would feel this, but it wasn’t enough to skew the results. If anything, it could amplify the result he was looking for.

He followed behind Toby, but entered the door to the watching room instead of the OR like Toby did. That’s where his funding was waiting. He hated having to care about it, but money was simply necessary for him to scale up the Project. “Thank you for coming back,” he told the seven investors waiting for him. “As I’ve said before, most of the program is completely tailored to your pet and the pet you wish they become. That means, no program looks or feels the same. This part though, they all have in common.”

He guided their gazes down to the OR—where the surgeon had sedated the subject—and begun the procedure. Toby watched from his corner, as Whumper had told him to. This would be the only time he was allowed this close to a subject before Rebirth, so Whumper made sure he knew as much as possible. The pet didn’t lie. He used to, but his previous owner trained it out of him.

If he were to fulfill any purpose at all in the future, he would have to learn to. Knowing about the stages before meeting the Reborn subjects was a good way to teach them. After all, he’d be the one to truly push the subject’s minds over the edge.

The investors patiently waited for Whumper to explain what was happening. “The implant all subjects receive is what makes this project so realistic. Like a newborn child, they have to learn everything. Eating, speaking, resisting, if you want them to. All in an effort to recreate them into the pet they were always meant to be. Now of course, some of them have skills we do want them to keep. Take Toby down there, he’s a master on the piano. For each pet, the implant’s functions can be customized.”

One of the investors raised her hand. “What are your plans for this one then?” she asked. “Does it have anything worth keeping?”

Whumper smiled. “In a less dire situation, we might have chosen to keep certain parts of them, but as you’ve noticed this is not the average pet we’re talking about. They will be reborn a blank slate. The only thing any pets are allowed to keep is their understanding of language—so they can obey commands, and their ability form minimal amounts of coherent thought and memory. We’ve found that this process works best if to some extent, the pets are aware of the changes. A risk, I know, especially with this one, but it will prove efficient.”

He straightened his tie. “This one in particular has quite the mouth, and they tend to use a bit too much of what they hear against their trainers. For that reason, we’ve limited their access to their vocabulary a bit more than usual. They’ll be able to understand simple sentences, but we won’t have to worry about their natural perceptiveness.”

“What’s he doing to their eyes?” a second investor asked.

Whumper’s heart fluttered. He’d hoped they’d ask. “Those, are highly sophisticated remote-controlled lenses.” They weren’t necessary, they function was mostly aesthetical from the subject’s perspective. They helped make it all a bit more realistic on both sides, though.

“They don’t have to be removed, ever. Which is why we’re putting them in so early. They control the subject’s ability to see color, and light. Like them implant, we can control them from behind the scenes. They aren’t vital, but they smooth out the transition from the Rebirth into the following stages of the program.”

He glanced down into the OR, where the surgeon was finishing up, and the other staff had begun to prepare the subject for stage 4’s container. “I’m afraid that I can’t show you anymore at this point, so my staff can take on this challenge with as little distraction as possible. However I’m happy to answer as many of your questions as I can.”

Several hands shot up. Whumper smiled.

“What are they doing?” Was the first question.

Whumper gazed down. Four people were removing the restraints and the jacket, and outfitted the subject in the thin white suit that would help keep them healthy and alive throughout the following stage.

They connected the dozens of tubes and wires that would take care of everything they couldn’t handle from outside the container, as he called it. “I’m afraid this is another one of those trade secrets, but what I can tell you is that in spite of how it looks, this will make the pre-Birth stage as realistic as it can be.”

“What about these nurseries that your people kept going on about. I’m sure they’re important, but it all sounds a bit too… human for my taste. I prefer my pets are used to the necessary restraints and housing conditions, so to speak.”

Whumper nodded. He wasn’t surprised to hear this investor thought his standard approach too kind. She’d demanded her pets were kept muzzled and bound at the facility’s daycare, even though they were among the most compliant creatures he’d ever seen.

“As I said,” he answered. “Everything can be customized. This subject I believe, will gain more from approach that teaches them that as a placeable pet, they will be cared for as long they don’t resist. Should you trust us with your pets though, if we decide after the evaluation that another approach may achieve the desired results more efficiently, we’re prepared. We have nurseries of all kinds, and our staff is prepared to fulfill any role they need to play.”

That seemed to please them. Whumper turned to the last question.

“How long does this program take?”

“We have multiple options. The standard program Subject One will go through can take up to sixteen years starting at the Rebirth, with a minimum time of three years. Now of course, that is a long time for a pet to be away. We have two accelerated programs that last either a few months, or even just a few weeks. You’re free to choose, but after the evaluation we will provide you with a suggestion. Not all pets need the full experience. Especially if they’re not old enough to be placed, a longer program can harm the natural development.”

A frown formed on a few faces.

“I can see you’re worried about the results I’ve promised you. You won’t have to wait long. The program may be an intense procedure, but the results will start to show after just a few weeks. The rest of the Project is about making them last, so these—” He dangled the subject’s bright red collar in front of them— “will soon be no more than a reminder of what I’ve solved.”

Whumper clasped his hands. The subject was moved out of the OR, into the container hall. “I must go now. My assistant will be up shortly to escort you out. I should mention Toby’s not allowed to be too talkative around strangers, but he’s still learning. If he breaks any rules, please contact me. He doesn’t respond well to strangers punishing him, he’s a bit too loyal for that.”

Taglist (asks are open if you wanna be added or removed): @suspicious-whumping-egg

[girlgrouptrash101]

Yves (Loona) as Your Girlfriend

Request: “Can you an ‘ Yves as your girlfriend ‘ please?”

“Can you do a Yves from Loona as your gf? btw i love your blog 💞💞”

A/N: I'm tired but who's surprised

- C

A bad bitch and a whole softie at the same time, when will your faves ever

Yves would definitely be the one making the first move, the romantic side of her showing itself as she confessed with flowers and chocolates

Literally makes it her mission to be the best girlfriend ever,, but what she doesn’t realise is that she doesn’t even have to try she’s just always so good to you

Whenever she asks you out on a date it’s always like the first time she’s asked you out

it’s become a joke between you now, she always flirts with you before asking you out as if you haven’t been going out for ages anyway

it always makes your heart flutter though, especially when you see the sincerity behind the words of her compliments

makes you feel like the most special person in the world!!!

sooyoungie always puts your needs before hers, and she will not hesitate to bombard you with every ounce of her love when she knows you’re feeling down

you ever tell her members how soft she is for you though??? and she will end you

especially Olivia Hye and Gowon teaming up to roast your asses even when you do the bare minimum like look at each other

Yves is always like ‘omg babe let’s go see this new movie’ but you know she’s just gonna drag you to the back row and make out with you for 2 hours because that’s what adulting is all about babie

clowns you out of love

because she loves teasing you and then apologizing with kisses uwu

actually she loves kissing you all the time and finds 478383 different reasons in the day to have excuses to press her lips against yours

and you're like??? stop with the bullshit and just kiss me you don't need a reason????

always making fun of her bones when they be like snap crackle and pop 😌

whenever you go out on fancy dates to restaurants the best part is seeing how expEnsive Yves looks like girlie is got as fuck let's be real

loves dancing with you

especially when she's like come look at this new dance!!! and you come visit her at the practice room in her company and get to spend time with her members

she also loves catching you off guard with her sexy moves, always making so much god damn eye contact through the mirrors

okay but also holding Yves really really close as you slow dance in your pyjamas and socks in your apartment

you know Yves and her hopeless romantic ass will always have them candles lit baby

whenever you back hug her you always slip your hands inside her shirt to feel them aBs

Yves finds so much comfort in you, and whenever she's had a long day at work, there's nothing that keeps her going as much as the thought of coming home to endless cuddles and kisses from her baby

Long drives to nowhere, singing along to all the songs on the radio and just being all in love and stuff

plus Yves' hand being on your thigh for the whole car ride like ugh yes we thrive off that gay shit

her favourite thing is when she gets to spend her entire day doing nothing with you, just holding you close and sharing stories as you cuddle all day long

tries not to get jealous but always fails miserably

it's not her fault,,, she just loves your so much that the thought of anything happening to your relationship scares her beyond words

Basically a real softie who just loves you v v much and wants to always make sure you're happy and loving life :)) 💕💕💕

NSFW From Here:

We gettin the strap tonight laid ease

literally one of the hottest people on this planet no I don't take criticism

Sooyoung's bedroom eyes having the ability to leave you weak in the knees after 0.01 seconds

Always so fucking cOcky you wanna smack the smirk off her face but you can’t because your hands aren’t exactly ehem,,, available to be used at the moment

choking kink oh honey

birthday lap dances that make you feel like literally the luckiest person on this planet

when she’s frustrated and just wants to come home and fuck you into your mattress like there’s no tomorrow

loves being taken care of when she’s finally lenient enough to let you be the one pleasuring her

nothing looks as sinful as the sight of Yves with her bottom lip tucked between her teeth and her hooded eyelids as you work between her thighs

queen of getting all dressed up then making you crazy by spamming your phone with photos of her in her new lingerie

there have definitely been times where you’ve taken ages getting ready to go on a date,,, and you don’t even make it out the door

because when Yves has something on her mind, she’s gonna get what she wants

will mark you up wherever she can get your lips,,, nothing is prettier to Sooyoung than seeing your skin littered with hickeys and bite marks

ride her face please and thAnk you

loves going home and showing off her insanely scratched back to the unnies of loona djjsjsjs what a dork

[therodrigator6]

Hey there, I'm the recent anon who talked about whether C is unredeemable, and I just want to thank you for your detailed response! This isn't a rebuttal but just to add on to what you said - if they indeed made this show for the average C, then isn't it a little sad that they seemed to have forgotten about the average A and wound up glossing over C's abuse? I mean, if we replace C with a man, wouldn't C//A skirt too close to the "love the violent man away" trope..? Sorry if I don't make sense!

Oh my god, I’m so SO sorry for such a delayed response. I’ve been obsenely busy these past few days.

I think I do get what you’re trying to say, yes.

OOF, it’s a bit of a tough thing for me to say or give some kind of... determinant answer on the matter.

Here’s what I think, though. She-Ra was a generally ambitious show in what it tried to represent and regard, onscreen and within it’s overall storyline.

And on many ways, the way in which all of these things are tackled, is lacking or is bare minimum. Themes of War, Abuse, The Cycle of Abuse, Morality, ROMANCE, Toxicity, Trauma, Friendship, etc.  A lot of it is face value, it’s THERE, its mentioned, but its not explored or challenged.

She-Ra is a difficult show, or atleast it is for me, to critique or judge in a negative way because, the importance of what it managed to do, of what it managed to put onscreen is FAR transcendant of whatever it tried to tell, and I believe the writers knew of this, and was at the forefront of their minds and goals.

I believe She-Ra as a show, with shortcommings or not in it’s writing, would do it’s best to PUT THAT KISS, ONSCREEN, no matter what was necessary to sacrifice, narratively. It was also very easy, and very personal to make a character like Catra HAVE a happy, uplifting ending.

To ME, or you, well yeah, it’s extremely disheartening to see a story that dealt with all of these things, specially abuse and toxicity take such a one-sided, black and white stance on it. It’s VERY comfortable for Catra.

Some people have been asked WHY it is that one could possibly not... sympathize or empathize fully with Catra, for example. My answer has always been that writing wise, the show focused TOO MUCH on the pain Catra was feeling for herself? And how she’d inflict it back on others. But it seldom gave itself the chance to make Catra think about the pain other people feel for HER actions, not JUST what the REaction to her actions would mean, FOR HERSELF, which is what the show did, In my opinion. Specially since, from the get go, it’s established that Catra KNOWS what she does HURTS, she wants it to HURT. She does not ENTIRELY have an askewed view of the world, she has a cynical one, one that excuses her vitriol and is self-serving. And she never changes that.

THAT, Very personally, makes it hard for me to see this character as a realized,  growing and conflict ridden individual, SPECIALLY, when the narrative TELLS you she WAS conflicted by around season 5, when we NEED her to just “always have been inherently good” to make the romance work, but never actually shows it, you just have to think she goes through all this, in a subtext that is never hinted at.

The way in which the show moved some things around and worked this narrative around Catra’s actions to make the romantic relationship work, well it takes dangerous shortcuts, because it never gives itself the time to adress all of these things BEFORE this relationship can go ahead.

IN THE END, it does skirt TOO CLOSE to those tropes of old: “Unconditional, passionate and promised Love WILL be enough to MAKE us tolerate the pain, and the sorrow, and accept and FIX the shortcomings, and PULL OUT this goodness that’s always been inside of us”.

This type of trope... or way of thinking? HAS been challenged before, and continues to be so, on relationships in media in which heteronormative couples depict it. We know it DISREGARDS many things about an individual’s growth, their safety and their agency.

And SOME Shippers or stans WILL tell you, “Yes, if Catra were a man, I wouldn’t ship it, and I wouldn’t be ok with it”. Some other’s don’t, other people trully see Catra’s growth within the show as a good depiction.

Ultimately, and to string all these thought together.

As a piece of Media, yes, the achievement of putting a lesbian couple at the forefront, who kiss, and who’s love saves the universe, is transcendat in itself. It sets a precedent of marketability and opens the door for more lgbtq+ voices to be heard.

HOWEVER, there are SHORTCOMINGS in the show, SOME OF WHICH are a sign of many problems WITHIN the industry, and the writing team.

It has writing issues, it has narrative issues.

It also has problems with dealing with ableism, it has problems dealing with a lack of conscience or disregard of racism. Many of its efforts in representation are honorable and considerate, but are ultimately mute and face value, when the voices behind it, are all white and open WAY TOO MANY chances of claimship for different groups, without thinking about it

There’s a problematic in judging She-Ra as media through a scope that is TOO PERSONAL and comforting to a person. Whether or not you see she-ra as perfect, or maybe see and understand its issues. Glorifying it and gatekeeping its critique serves no benefit for the betterment of media in itself, because you close the door on finding mistakes, and BETTERING them, or CHALLENGING different ideas, and actually SUBVERTING a status quo.

We CAN and we SHOULD discuss the things we think this show got wrong, or got right, for SOME people, but then hurt others. No one is inherently in the wrong or in the write about stuff like that. We all want better stories, better rep, better comfort, or challenging narratives.

My stance on Catra does not rest SOLELY on if I think she’s “Irredemable”, personally. I think its incredibly DULL and boring to be so black and white.

My personal issue with the show is that, it allow Catra to BE on a black and white scale, “Evil”, and then TRIED to nuance her actions, by making her QUESTION this, by thinking “Is this really what I want?” And her answer at first SEEMED to be “NO, I just want to not hate myself, to be STRONG by myself, to not be afraid, or dependant! To show this horrid world which is wrong on BOTH sides that I WILL stand, in the end, trauma or no trauma”. Catra wasn’t inherently EVIL, she was a product of her circumstance, she hurt other people and herself and she could’ve subverted this “EVIL VS GOOD” Ideal that both Adora, the Princess Alliance, Hordak and the Horde, had which btw, was a part of her self hatred.

BUT THEY DIDN’T, Instead Catra ended up saying:

“No, I want Adora’s love and acceptance back that she promised me and for her to TAKE my love!, I wanna NOT BE EVIL!”, to which the narrative said, NO you were NEVER evil! your inherent goodness had always been incapacitated by trauma and indocrination! And not only that, Adora NEEDS you! And you need her, so go! Love and kiss.

Again, this is Comfortable, potentially damaging? I say yes. Catra’s character is boiled down to needing Adora sdjkrthbdrkth

But again, this is a narrative shortcoming that makes ME unable to enjoy the story as is. Again I’ll say, She-Ra has already served its usefulness, it’s a stepping stone, it CAN do good for many people by setting a precedent for the future? It won’t manage it, if we as audiences CAN’T think critically of it.

[neokollection]

Reaction To Their S/O Feeling Ugly While Pregnant

NCT 127 [Minus Win & Haechan]

A/N: Bc this is a genuine fear of mine Long btw, so buckle up.

Taeil:

You leant over the counter of the sink, your swollen stomach pressing uncomfortably to the cool tile- The urge to pee suddenly overcame you and the mascara wand in your hand faltered, brushing your eyelid by accident. You held a breath, before carelessly dropping it into the sink, your hands on the counter as you took a moment to collect yourself. You’d already been agitated after waking up with a sore back, and now you couldn’t even complete the simplest of tasks.

You went to the bathroom, taking your time as Taeil was still asleep.

Facing yourself in the mirror once more made a lump rise in your throat. You hated having to see yourself more than you already had too- You felt ugly and fat, face bloated and eyes wetting. You sat on the toilet lid, holding your face in your hands as small sobs and sniffles escaped you. You tried to stay quiet, not wanting to wake your sleeping husband in the other room-

“Hey...?”

He seemed to be awake already though... Soft footsteps padded across the tile from the ajar door. You ripped a wad of toilet paper from nearby, using it to blot at your eyes and cheeks.

“W-What’s wrong?”

He squatted down in front of you, his hands placed gently upon your knees before he reached on up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Nothing,” you assured, wiping your nose-

You didn’t want him to look at you, you must have looked even uglier crying.

“Baby,” he crooned gently, placing his cheek upon your thigh affectionately momentarily before he drew back.

“You can tell me-”

“I just...” you sighed, “I just feel so ugly.”

His eyes were wide, mused hair would have made his face almost comical if not for the context.

“No- No!” he shushed, “Nothing about you is ugly-”

Even with puffy eyes, smudged mascara, messy hair, and a few pounds extra he saw you as his perfect angel.

“You’re beautiful,” he assured, reaching up to cradle the lump of your stomach as he rose to his feet, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

Johnny:

You retched into the toilet bowl- It’d come to the point, you couldn’t even have a simple night in without feeling sick, rushing to the bathroom. A light knock sounded upon the door. Johnny.

“Love?” he called gently, “You okay?”

“Just a minute,” you answered back, catching your breath as you sat against the nearby wall.

Oddly enough you could feel his presence still there and it was comforting, the shadows of his slippers beneath the door reminding you he was waiting for you just outside. You flushed the toilet, which Johnny took as a notion that you were finished, opening the door slowly. You quickly wiped at your mouth with some toilet paper before dropping it into the spiraling water. Johnny wore a slight pout, unhappy to see you in such a sad state, curled up on the floor by the toilet looking sickly.

“All better?”

“For now... I just want to lay down...”

He squatted down next to you, pulling one of your arms away from yourself and placing it around his shoulder before scooping up your legs.

“N-Don’t- I’m heavy...”

You’d put on not only a baby, but a few more extra pounds, feeling swollen and gross.

“You’re not that heavy,” he waved off, standing with you as you held on, “Besides, it’s not you- It’s him.”

Your fiancé wore a mock glare as he stared at the swell of your stomach. He was careful as he placed you down upon the bed, helping you situate yourself with your pillows before he crawled on the end of it.

“He’s such a troublemaker, isn’t he?”

He was already raising your top before you could stop him, eyes feasting upon the glorious bulge of your stomach. Though you may have been self conscious about revealing your new body to him, he never thought twice about it, pressing a hard kiss to the mound with a grunt- His fingertips trailed along your side lightly, tickling you.

“Such a rascal, I’ll have to teach him a lesson when he comes out-”

Before you could even counter, he was blowing a raspberry on the side of your mound, causing you to giggle before he sat back, tucking your shirt back in place.

“I’ll get you some water.”

Though it was burdensome, it was all worth it, seeing how happy the man you loved was.

Taeyong:

You had absolutely nothing to wear. You’d just begun showing- Your leggings and jeans all seemed to suffocate you or not button- You had a lone pair of black sweatpants, but you felt fat when you wore them even before there was a baby involved. You had dresses, but if you dressed up you’d feel the need to also do your makeup or hair- Which you were in no mood to do- All you needed to do was go to the grocery for crying aloud... You suppose... You could send Taeyong, but you felt like a pest- He was busy on the phone talking over some business about releases and you weren’t even far enough along yet to pull that card you felt. Huffing, you sat down on the bed, staring at your closet.

“So, maybe next week then?”

His voice was getting closer. You were in nothing but your undergarments, so decided to go into the closet, not wanting him to see you so blatantly.

“Alright- Thanks- Haha, of course!”

With a loud sigh and a sudden whoosh it sounded as if he’d faceplanted upon the bed, dropping his phone to the side before curling around a pillow.

You caught his eye as you looked over your shoulder from the closet.

“What’s up?” he questioned.

“Hmm, nothing...”

You were still racking your brain for possible solutions...

“I need to go to the store.”

He hummed along in acknowledgement, watching as you thrust hanger to hanger aside. Your huff of irritation not going unnoticed. Sensing your distance and annoyance, he stood from the bed, making his was towards the closet.

“What is it?” he questioned, leaning upon the door frame.

“Nothing, just- Can you-” you tried, wanting him to leave.

His gaze flickered to the pile of clothes of the floor before settling on you, taking in the soft swell of your belly.

“What’s the matter?” he asked again, his tone softer as he draped himself around your, letting the palms of his hands smooth over your stomach.

“Nothing fits...” you admitted, voice nearly cracking, “I have nothing to wear-”

He hummed in thought, turning to place his cheek upon the crown of your head as he assessed his side of the closet.

“How about this?”

He pulled himself away from you, causing you to miss his warmth as he plucked a stripped shirt from a stack, unfolding it to show it’s size. It made you feel worse though... You didn’t need an XXXXL size did you?

“You look cute in my clothes,” he smiled, holding it up to you, “It’s like a dress~”

Pulling it over your head you frowned, the sleeves were too long and the length was quite short.

“It’s kind of short...”

“Hm- You’re right,” he acknowledged, “I can’t have my babies going out looking like this-”

He assessed you with a quirk of his brow and bite of his lip, causing you to nudge his shoulder in turn.

“Tell me what you need and I’ll get it,” he practically sang, rolling your sleeves up.

Yuta:

You hadn’t left the house in days- Hadn’t done your makeup or hair, had simply done the bare minimum of showering and dressing yourself in loungewear. Your spirits were just down in the dumps- You'd been having cravings nearly each day, snacking late at night and munching on sugary sweets. Next to him you felt so ugly- Even fresh out the shower he was glowing, skin flawless, eyes bright, hair a mused mess he liked to rake his hands through- He was gorgeous and it’s a fact everyone knew and agreed with. Next to him you’d always tried your hardest to seem on his level, you never wanted people to think you looked out of place or an odd couple. But now... it felt inevitable. You felt fat and ugly, skin dry, hair matted, eyes with bags... How could he even look at you?

Being the keen and observant man he was your change in demeanor didn’t go unnoticed- How you’d distanced yourself from him, how your answers were curt and sighs long, how you never changed in front of him... He understood why, having confided in his sister a tad about your change and getting all the answers he’d needed. He’d wanted to lighten your mood and surprise you, have a night in with you together, watching a movie and snacking together. He’d already started the washing machine, busy hanging up the load he’d just taken out.

“What’re you doing...?”

You questioned, shifting your weight from one foot to the doorframe.

“What’s it look like?”

“Well, just... You never usually do it...”

“Come on, I’m not that bad-”

Silence ensued before he finished and came to you.

“Am I that bad?”

“No,” you shushed, placing a hand upon his chest gently with a small smile.

“I wanted to surprise you,” he quipped, taking your hand and leading you around the corner to the kitchen.

“I know you’ve been having cravings lately so I stocked up- So, you don’t have to go to the store anytime soon-”

“Great. So I can get fatter?”

It wasn’t really a question and it came out much more spiteful than you intended. He was mid-opening the pantry when he stopped.

“You’re not fat-”

“Look at me,” you whined, feeling the flood gate about the burst.

“You look the same! The only difference is this guy,” he asserted, coming to press his palms to the side of your stomach. “Look at you,” he continued, “If anything, you’ve lost weight- Maybe from the stress or sickness- but-”

He gripped your arm, showing you how he could easily touch his thumb and index finger together around the circumference of your forearm.

“I don’t want you to feel bad or hide from me- I love you- And I’m here for you.”

“I love you too,” you sniffled gently, casting your gaze downward as he pulled you into an embrace, “Did you get Oreos...?”

A/N: It long, but if you likey I can do pt 2 with Jaehyun, Jungwoo, Mark, n Doyoungie

[rangoatemybabynsfw]

Remember how I said I had deaf!Keith headcanons...

I have TWO deaf!Keith au ideas that will probably never get around to writing but I’m throwing them down right here because I need them out of my brain so I can do some actual writing, kay? (Both are Klance btw)

It’s long so it’s under the cut. Feel free to leave comments, thoughts, etc in the replies since my ask box is still closed haha.

Born deaf Keith AU (not as angsty) 

Parents figured it out a little late as he wouldn’t respond to them when they talked. But he was always watching them intently, his stubby little baby fingers on their mouths. 

Gets his first hearing aid at two. Cries when he hears his parent’s voices for the first time.

He doesn’t like it when people stare at his hearing aids, so he keeps them out for the longest time when at school.

Falls behind in middle school because he can’t hear the lecture-only teachers and they talk too fast for him to figure it out via lipreading. And since he’s not a particularly outgoing kid he doesn’t ask others for their notes.

Shiro becomes his tutor. He’s fluent in sign language as his brother is deaf. Keith comes to admire Shiro a lot and starts wearing his aids again but growing his hair out to hide them.

He’s one of the smartest kids in the high school. Has a few friends but he doesn’t talk. He doesn’t like the sound of his voice when he does talk so he avoids it. They chalk it up to him being introverted since they don’t know about his deafness. 

Meets Lance in high school and it’s rocky. Lance thinks Keith’s a pretentious straight-A asshole who was ignoring him when he asked a question about his notes (he couldn’t hear him sometimes he just doesn’t wear his aids) so they don’t get along at first.

Lance throws things at Keith sometimes and shoots rude glares at him. Keith then begins to actively ignore him.

Lance catches him adjusting his aids in his seat and stares perplexed. What the hell are those? Is he listening to music in class? Typical. The straight-A student gets to do whatever he wants because he’s so smart.

More animosity.

Someone comes to talk to Keith at the school about colleges and asks Lance for his classroom. Lance points the way, shocked that Keith talks to anyone since he doesn’t think he’s ever heard Keith speak even once. He watches as they have a conversation with his hands with confusion. 

What the hell? Keith’s deaf? Why didn’t he just say that? He never would have picked a fight with him if he’d known.

Keith signs at him ‘But you still would have picked a fight with me if I’d been able to hear? I shouldn’t have to tell you that I’m deaf for you to be a decent fucking human being.’

Lance leaves Keith alone for a while. Keith thinks he’s finally gotten Lance off his case.

Several weeks later Lance taps Keith’s shoulder and asks if they can talk. He does a whole practiced bunch of sign language to apologize. 

Signs out ‘I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I should have been nicer, regardless of your hearing. I was terrible and you don’t have to forgive me but can I tell you why I got so mad at you?’  Keith nods, arms crossed and waiting for an explanation. ‘Do you have your hearing aids in?’ Keith nods again so Lance speaks to Keith. ‘I have a big family and uh, I love them but the worst thing about it is sometimes it feels like no one’s listening to you. Like no one is hearing you even when you scream. It’s annoying and they’re not even doing it intentionally. So when it felt like you were ignoring me on purpose it got me frustrated. And angry. You don’t talk much but I get the feeling you know the feeling. Being ignored or not listened to…sucks.’ Keith admits that true with a nod. ‘So can we start again?’ he asks and signs out ‘want to be friends?’

Keith and Lance start over. Lots of talking on Lance’s end and lots of listening on Keith’s.

Lance does some tutoring with Keith and Shiro to bring his grades back up. He learns a little sign language by proxy. Sometimes Shiro will teach him some when they finish their lessons. 

Lance and Keith start having conversations at school with sign, their friendship growing. He stops caring if people know if he’s deaf. Leaves his hair long in case he wants to cover them but starts wearing his hair in a tail so people can see his hearing aids without feeling embarrassed.

People ask Lance how to say things to Keith. They want to talk to Keith too. Now Keith’s got lots of school friends eager to talk to him.

Lance starts falling for Keith over the summer break. They hang out regularly with Keith’s super smart friends from other schools. (Pidge and Allura from an all girls school and Hunk from another school) YAY! THE SQUAD!

By the end of high school they’re both in love (BECAUSE I LIKE A HAPPY ENDING DAMN IT)

Not born deaf Keith (ANGSTY TW: PHYSICAL ABUSE and BULLYING)

He was a really quiet infant and toddler, almost never opening his mouth to speak. But then his parents died in an accident and he stopped talking period.

He was shuttled off to a foster home and was teased relentlessly by other kids for not talking. He knows how but he doesn’t want to. He just wants to be left alone. He gets into fights with the kids until he’s moved to a different home.

The second home is worse. The kids don’t pick on him but one of the adults beats him regularly when he doesn’t answer or doesn’t do what he’s told. 

He takes a beating so bad he has to be taken to the hospital. It’s so bad that he ruptured both eardrums and loses his hearing. 

Keith gets moved to a new home again, this one with an older couple, one of them deaf. They try to teach him sign but he’s obstinate. He figures he’ll just be shuttled off again when he’s too inconvenient for them. But things get better. They’re nicer than the last few homes. 

He gets teased in middle school about his hearing aids but it doesn’t last long when he beats up his bullies. 

One of the older couple passes away. As much as they want to keep them she can’t take care of all her foster kids on her own. They’re all sent out to new homes.

The newest home isn’t bad but it’s not great either. The parents do the bare minimum but they don’t beat him and the other kids give him his space. Better than nothing. He starts high school in the fall.

Lance comes into the school two weeks late. Just moved. Settles into the class pretty well but takes note of Keith who always seems to sit alone at the back of the class.

He notices that people tend to avoid the deaf kid but some of them mess with him. Throw paper airplanes and such at him. He sits alone at lunch. And the kid never talks. Not even to the teachers about the bullying that’s clearly going on.

Lance sees Keith getting beat up after school. They take out his hearing aid and toss it around. Keith’s about to just leave without it until an enraged Lance decks the head honcho. He returns Keith his hearing aid that he puts back in.

‘I didn’t ask you to help me’ Keith writes in a small steno pad. ‘Why did you do that?’

‘I don’t need a reason to help someone’ Lance tells him. ‘Besides those scumbags had it coming…taking someone’s means to navigate the world around them. No mercy.’

Keith keeps an eye out for Lance after that. Sees the way he’s constantly helping people and teachers with anything they need. Turns out Lance has a blind sister who used to get teased a lot. Kids would steal her walking stick and hide it when she was little and Lance always came to her rescue.

Keith doesn’t get picked on for over a week. It’s weird. He keeps expecting the usual guys to come and try to take his hearing aids but they don’t. They seem to be preoccupied with other things now.

He asks Lance about it after a few days. Lance says he told them to leave Keith alone is all. ‘Really? That’s it and they listened to you?’ Keith asks on his steno pad. ‘Yeah’ Lance tells him with a smile. ‘I’m a very persuasive guy’

Someone tells Keith later that the reason they aren’t picking on Keith anymore is that they’re picking on Lance instead. They saw him get beat up in the locker room the other day. He had bruises all over.

Keith is furious. That nosey idiot! Doesn’t he know that if he gets hit hard enough he’ll end up just like Keith? He can’t let that happen to the only kid who’s ever been nice to him. 

He overhears the beatdown behind the school. ‘What a moron, taking that deaf kid’s place’ they say and ‘what has that guy ever done for you or anyone other than scowl at them?’ and ‘why are you even helping him? He your boyfriend?’  Lance just answers ‘I don’t need a reason to help someone, so just…leave him alone.”

Keith slams the door open and they drop Lance to the floor. Keith readies his fists but the group laughs. They’re done there so they leave. Keith helps Lance up off the floor and to the nurses office. (The nurse thinks for a hot second that Keith beat him up but Lance assures them it wasn’t him.) 

Once they’re sure there’s no permanent damage Keith angrily signs at him. Lance doesn’t understand. He uses the notebook instead. ‘You’re an idiot. A moron. You could have gotten hurt, badly hurt. You have friends and family. You shouldn’t get beat up for me.’ But Lance says that’s his choice to make, not Keith’s. 

After that Keith doesn’t let Lance out of his sight. Hell if he’s getting beat again because of Keith. That works two fold because the bullies don’t want to mess with two people at once since there’s a chance they could lose. Keith and Lance together is too much of a gamble to risk.

Being together all the time after that, Lance talks with Keith regularly in his notebook. Then he learns some sign language to talk more. Keith actually starts smiling at school after that and Lance’s new friend turns into his new crush. 

The one time the bully group tries to take them both the bullies fail spectacularly. Keith and Lance trounce them (suffering a few bruises for their troubles). In their victory, they kiss. After that they begin dating. 

They make it through high school without any more hiccups. Keith’s never been happier. They end up going to the same college so they won’t be split up. Because as formidable as the are on their own, they’re best as a team. (BECAUSE I LIKE A HAPPY ENDING OKAY??)

[mrsstampede]

So I have thoughts on tlou2 I need to get out.

I haven’t finished watching the game but i've seen enough to feel a certain way Spoiler warning for those who haven't finished the game.

I genuinely cannot understand the logic behind the sequence of the game. Joel is murdered by Abby about an hour into the game. We get to play Abby for a short amount of time before it happens but at no point during that time are we made to feel anything for her. It's far too short of a time for us to care about her. Yet ND expects us to later feel conflicted about her actions.

We’re not stupid. We understand why Abby wanted Joel dead. The thing is we as players/viewers have years of attachment to Joel. We have bonded with him and care for him. So them expecting us to care about his killer just because they show us her life before she killed Joel and force the player to play as her is ridiculous.

The players view and feelings for Abby are tainted an hour into the game.Then you play as Ellie getting revenge, which imo is fine, I personally have no problems with a revenge story. Anyway you go through all this shit with Ellie, you take out these people who want Ellie dead, even before she kills anyone btw. We see the people who helped kill Joel and they’re assholes. So once again we see them as villains. Why shouldn't I cheer Ellie on?(besides the obvious of the effects it take on Ellie and her life)

Again I get there motivations but like Ellie says at one point, they're out to kill anyone who shows up in there area, not even making sure people aren’t in need of help. They are not exactly coming off as the nicest. They come off as bad guys yet were later asked to see them as people who are just like Ellie. They were wronged by Joel and so they seek out revenge. Its simple but it really isnt that easy. Even if them being standoffish is logical in this world people will still always associate the bad guys as the ones who kill anyone without giving them a chance. 

How many villains become villains because of revenge and are simply bad guys. Giving them a motivation isnt enough to make them interesting and much less make them sympathetic. Of course it's needed and helps but it's not all you need to make a interesting grey character.

Joel himself is a good example of a character that is not strictly a good person. He kills a bunch of doctors to selfishly keep a girl he’s grown to love and see as a daughter alive. He makes choices that you can argue are wrong yet we sympathise with him. Through the progression of the game we learn to care for him so when we get to the ending we now understand Joel. We fully understand how fucked up it is but we also get where Joel is coming from. We know the fire he’s playing with. The choice he makes and the lie he now carries. The first game does a wonderful job of giving us a flawed morally grew character.

Tlou2 does not. It fails miserably. It tries to force and manipulate the player by making them play Abby. It tries to manipulate you with pregnant Mel parallelling Ellie’s pregnant girlfriend, Dina. Using lazy tactics like flashbacks showing Abby’s loving dad being a cool dad who rescues animals and is playful with his daughter. Yet Abby is such an uninspiring character. She just isnt likeable. You have to be able to like a character to be able to sympathize with them, Just showing me that her dad was great and loving, isnt enough. Showing me Mel was pregnant, Owen was struggling, Manny was caring about his friends isnt enough. Yes it's good that they are being humanized but it all feels far to late and fleeting (even though her playable time is so long and god damn boring ass hell).

ND tells us these people are humans just like Ellie. They are flawed just like Ellie. Don't you feel conflicted? Don't you feel for Abby, who lost her father? 

but frankly I dont feel anything for any of them. I feel for Ellie who lost her father figure. I feel for Ellie who slowly loses herself. I feel for Jesse who loved his ex and his best friend and didn't care they got together. I feel for Jesse who died before getting to see his child. I feel for Dina who never got to directly tell Jesse of her pregnancy. I feel for Dina’s unborn child. 

Its laugable that ND gave us Dina and Jesse yet thought we’d be feeling things for Owen and Abby who have sex when Mel is carrying Owens child. Am I supposed to feel bad for them because they didn't get together when they were younger? Am I supposed to feel bad for Abby when Ellie killed Mel, when Abby betrayed her herself? 

Abby and friends where always going to have a uphill battle to be seen as more than villains yet it feels like ND did the bare minimum to them likable.

I will never understand why they didn’t introduce us to these character first so we could get to know them before our view of them was stained by Joel’s death. The game can only be so long so I get not having a lot of time to make us care which is why im kinda baffled they even went this route. Not that its impossible to do.

Then there's Joel’s death. Boy oh boy was it so underwhelming. I felt sad but honestly it was fairly fast and I felt like I had no time to really feel much. One moment he’s being beaten the next we’re with Ellie then we find him and bam he's dead in a few more minutes. I'm not saying it should have been some long drawn out sequence but it all happens to fast. I would have liked to get reacquainted to him before he died. See him and Ellie together more again. It would have hit so much harder then. Instead we see him a two(?) times then he’s dead. That's it. The main character of the first game is done. 

I know how it ends and what happens but im waiting to see it to. I want to see it and see what my feelings are but i'm not excited. What i've read sounds dumb frankly but we'll see i guess. 

I dont even hate the game or the plot. Fuck im not even mad about Joel dying. Hell I dont think id even be mad about him dying so soon if he’d have died in a better written scene. I just genuinely think the way it happened was so poorly written. It all feels lazy and badly put together. It feels like they think we’re stupid and would just like dark zombie movie like game with morally grey villain. That just because Its part 2 of a beloved game we’d just eat it up. It feels like ND got cocky and thought they were master storytellers because TLOU was so beloved and raved about.

Idk man I just want Abby dead and we dont even get that :/

TLDR; Bad bland unlikable villains that are supposed to be morally grey and sympathetic, bad story sequence, poorly written death scene. Oh and god awful cringy sex scene. Don't hate it, dont like either.

[discolipton]

Since Gene is from the south and it never gets cold enough for anything to freeze could you do something like Gene experiencing snow for the first time and Babe is already used to snow but enjoys being with Gene and basically dies from the cuteness. Thank you and your blog is super cool btw

sorry, this took a turn towards “angsty.” if it is any consolation, i really really liked this prompt and i’ll probably beef it up and add more cute “what the fuck heffron why is it so Gd Damned Cold” bits when i inevitabely make an ao3 post for the drabbles i get.

and while we’re on the subject of angst: i reference bastogne a few times so bear that in mind, kids.

————

Gene’s face gets pink when it’s cold. Babe knows this from Europe, and now he’s grateful that he has the luxury of looking at him for as long as he pleases. He’s so close that Babe can touch him, and if he wants to, he can. When Babe’s mind pulls him down into that greyed out memory of Bastogne, he can clearly remember Gene’s silence. How he worked that blue bandana back and forth between his fingers, turning the fraying edges into ribbons as he stared at nothing. And Babe remembers watching him do that, and wishing that he would stop looking so damn far. He remembers thinking that he would give anything to hear Gene speak then, just so that Babe could know if he was still there. If he was still within reach.

Of course, Gene hadn’t been talking because of a lot of shit entirely unrelated to the cold, and also because he is usually quiet under normal circumstances. Which is probably why he is being aggressively and uncharacteristically Not Quiet now.

“Jesus Fucking Christ, Heffron,” Gene barks as they barrel through a snow filled South Philly, “why did you bring me up here?”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Babe yells over the howling wind, his hand closed tight around Gene’s as he pulls them along, “we’re almost there, I swear.”

He hadn’t planned on there being an honest to Gd blizzard when he bought Gene a train ticket. Winter in Philadelphia may not be home to particularly pleasant winters, but they also don’t come by a lot of snow storms. It figures that the second Babe gets Gene to visit they have a record breaking cold front that would make even the most grizzled northerner say “holy shit it’s fucking cold.”

Babe has Gene wearing at least five layers, not counting the hat, scarf, gloves, and two coats he loaned him in an effort to send Gene back to Louisiana in one piece. Babe wraps his arms around Gene as they lurch closer to his building, feet sliding in the grey slush kicked up from the street and over the thin layer of ice coating the sidewalk. He can barely see right now, and the snow cuts into him like shards of glass. He almost doesn’t see the red brick of his building through the tears in his eyes.

“Come on,” he yells until his voice cracks, pulling Gene over, “don’t fall.”

“Thanks for the tip, Heffron.”

Babe manages to drag Gene up the steps and into the entryway with minimum casualties. They stomp their boots out with a few melodramatic huffs and a little blustering before making the walk up three flights of stairs. Babe has to peel his soaked gloves off to unlock the door. It takes a few tries for his cold numbed hands to finally unlock the door, and when he does they practically fall into his kitchen. Gene throws himself across the room to the radiator besides Babe’s run down mattress, shaking like a leaf as Babe fills the kettle with water and puts it on the stove. He strips off his coat and scarf. When he looks over, Gene is still bundled up and gasping against the radiator.

“Stop humping the radiator and put on some dry clothes,” Babe grits out through chattering teeth as he pulls off his sweater and pants.

His undershirt is still dry, and he finds the pair of pajama bottoms he threw across the room the night before. Gene begrudgingly strips until he’s down to his skivvies before pulling over his duffle bag and putting on the sweater and pants he takes out.

“How you survived your childhood is a mystery to me,” he groans from the floor.

“I didn’t know you could bitch so much about a little cold.”

Babe looks out the window and sees only white. And his mind does that thing, where all of a sudden he’s thinking about Europe. Or, in this case specifically, Bastogne. Where it’s loud and cold and he’s only a few feet from Julian, but he can’t quite reach. It must be the snow that’s got him like this, because all he can think about is blood, and his helmet getting pelted with slugs, and the way that the bullets didn’t stop coming even though Julian was right there and needed him. His body always gets a different kind of cold when this happens. Like the cold is coming from inside him.

“Hey,” Gene calls from the floor, “Heffron.”

Babe blinks down at him.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” Babe blinks back at his reflection in the fogged over window panes. “Why?”

“You’ve been staring outside for a few minutes now.”

“Have I?”

As if to answer his question, the tea kettle starts screeching. Babe turns his head a fraction to the left, blinking slowly.

“And you’re rubbing your neck,” Gene whispers.

“What?” Babe realizes that his hand is clamped down around his throat, and he lets go. “Well, ain’t that fucking weird? Water’s boiling.”

He wonders if Gene gets like that too as he pulls down a tin of tea and goes about filling mugs and dumping in leaves. Bill does. He does. But Bill, Gd love him, is insane, and Babe isn’t entirely sure what it says about him if he’s constantly getting thrown back two years every time it snows. Or when a loose manhole cover gets run over in the street. Or when he opens the register at work and smells pennies.

He sets the mugs down on the milk crate beside his bed before shucking back the covers and crawling in. Gene follows close behind. Babe stares at the chipped paint of his beige ceiling, his mind plagued with thoughts that he’d be more than happy to never have again.

“Babe.”

That gets his attention. Babe blinks and turns to look at Gene. He pulls Babe into his chest and shoves an arm under his shoulders to scratch at the back of his head. Babe rolls further into him, tucking his head under Gene’s chin. They both look up at the window next to them, watching the snow come down.

“Never thought I’d see snow like that,” Gene mumbles, “s’nothing like Bastogne.”

“Cold like it. Just as miserable.”

“Still.” Gene holds him tighter, and kisses his forehead. “Nothing like Bastogne.”

The fine knit of Gene’s dark blue sweater presses into his cheek, soft and skin warmed. Gene breathes easily above him, his fingers scratching lines down the back of his head that send a few not unpleasant shivers down his spine.

“Got a warm bed. Got hot water. Got some kids downstairs that don’t know when it’s time to go to bed.”

Babe snickers and wraps his arms around Gene’s waist, pulling him onto his side so that they can lay nose to nose. Gene’s arm is still trapped under his head, although his gentle ministrations drift from his head to his back.

“I was gonna show you around Philly,” Babe laughs, placing a hand on Gene’s cheek, “make Bill play nice and come have lunch with us. I was gonna have you meet my parents.”

“Well, damn,” Gene deadpans, “looks like we’ll just have to hole up here while we ride the storm out. Too bad.”

“Don’t sound so down about it.”

“I’ll try not to,” Gene says as he kisses Babe’s cheek, “it’s gonna be a struggle.”

“Oh, I’m sure.”

Gene kisses his jaw, then his chin.

“Don’t go crying yourself to sleep over it or anything,” Babe replies as Gene slots into place over him, arms on either side of his head, “I’m sure Bill would have Frances bring him over in a wheelbarrow if need be.”

“What a relief,” Gene mumbles into Babe’s neck, kissing down to the base of his throat.

“Until then, we could probably live off of what I’ve got here,” Babe says, wrapping his arms around Gene’s shoulders, “hope you like Spam.”

Gene lifts his head and leans in so they’re nose to nose again. Forehead to Forehead. He kisses just under Babe’s eye, then down to the corner of his mouth.

“I’ve got you,” Gene hums against his lips, “and that’s about all I need.”

Call Babe a hopeless romantic, but if that isn’t music to his ears. He kisses Gene until they’re chest to chest. Gene pulls away with a breathy laugh and rolls over onto his back, Babe going with him. They rearrange the blankets around them before Babe lays his head down on Gene’s chest.

“And I do not like Spam,” Gene says.

Knobby ankles jab into Babe’s as Gene sinks deeper into the pillows. He kisses Babe’s hair.

“I think I could get used to the snow,” Gene muses.

Babe smiles so hard that his cheeks hurt. With Gene’s arms around him, Babe looks out over the quiet apartment and imagines what it would look like with both of them sharing it. Is there room on his bookshelf for Gene’s textbooks? Can he stomach all the spices Gene would absolutely foist on him under the claim of being good for clearing his airways? How the fuck would he manage to fall asleep in Gene’s arms every night and not spontaneously combust? Could he even handle being that disgustingly happy?

A future like that seems so close that Babe can practically touch it, and it makes him feel damn near toasty.

————

do you have a random fluffy prompt that you want me to ruin with angst? just hit up my ask box!

[mmnarae-blog]

helo i’m tea and i am old and tired but trying my best. this is VERY late but honestly i come home from work with two functioning brain cells, let’s leave it to weekend-tea to string a coherent sentence together. it’s been a really long time since i’ve rp’d, like actual years!! im a hoe for non-hogwarts hp though so here we are.

THE BASICS

baek ho / fifth year / 23 / ENFP / maeobsa-born

PERSONALITY

narae exudes two main energies: art heux and dumb bitch. she’s been blonde with micro bangs—you know the type. she takes photos for the school paper, because of course she does.

doesn’t have anything she wants to do in particular, so she scrapes by doing the bare minimum at school. people with the misfortune of being paired with her on group projects say fuck me because she isn’t doing shit.

she’s just here to have a good time, and damn does she know how to, she’s always doing something with somebody—because the alternative is sitting at home with nothing but her anxiety for company and we don’t want that.

has all the subtlety of a bull in a china shop. she’s laughably bad at lying, so she doesn’t even bother. it’s clear when she likes someone and equally clear when she doesn’t.

seemingly lacks an ounce of self-consciousness, which is good in that she could carry a conversation with a dead fish, and bad in that she has a lot of opinions and can’t keep her mouth shut.

observant: she’s people savvy and good at reading the subtext of a situation. knowing what to do with that? mmmm let’s call it a work in progress.

bit of a hobbyist thrill seeker, but it’s very much baby’s first rebellion. trespassing, “”“recreational potions”“”, minor shoplifting (not from family-owned businesses ofc, she has ethics). if it doesn’t hurt anyone, what’s the problem?

“quidditch sucks btw. : ) go play with ur balls ugly.” it has nothing to do with having twigs for arms and not being able fly a broom what makes u say that.

BACKGROUND

i’ll take “comes from a very christian family” for “things i’d never guess” alex. she thought she was ~touched by god~ when her magic started manifesting. she started wizarding school late and was pulled from yosul between age 17-18, just after first year. she’s pretty sure her parents seriously considered an exorcism at one point.

so she’s really behind, and nearly as bad at being a muggle as she is at being a witch. great job parents, really set her up for success there. she’s always down to fight verbally but a second year could probably kick her ass in a duel so no ty. she handles that with a good dose of self-deprecating humour.

actively trying to distance herself from religion and family because years of intense teenage angst over it was, retrospectively, a very bad use of energy she could’ve put into shit that doesn’t suck big time.

[rikiroy1793]

Reply 1988

I wish I could write my thesis reports this well. The following analysis was made by an YouTube account owner who goes by the name of ‘ 0dandie0 .’

On another note, Reply 1988 withdrawal setting in once again. 

It says, “ "I have no intention to dissuade you, everyone's entitled to their feelings. But it does seem that your feelings are mainly coming from watching through JH-colored glasses and not fully understanding the drama as a whole. Your misunderstanding could likely be based on lack of knowledge in Korean language/culture/and the concept of Baduk. This drama is not just what you see and hear but it's brilliantly written and twisted with style, and you really need to watch carefully and analyze to get 100% out of it. The main theme of this series of Reply is Family(and love ofc but family first)and Baduk is the biggest metaphor in the drama representing Family/Love. Baduk is a game of building "zip"(means home). So it is very fitting that the main lead is a professional Baduk player(someone who builds home/family). Baduk is often compared to life, as you make "choices" that can't be undone and every move you make along the way will determine final outcome. Also there can never be two identical Baduk match ever, every match is unique and original of its own, hence the old Korean saying "there is truth of life in Baduk". The main love competition btw JH and TK is a big game of Baduk. JH is black stone and TK is white. Black stone has the advantage and always plays first. White starts off late and has the disadvantage of 6.5 zips(homes) behind. Does this rule of Baduk ring a bell? Yes, TK only came forward in this love triangle in the latter part of the episode 6(TK calls DS and asks her out to a movie on the night of the first snow) Also, note that TK's character is based on a real-life, legendary Baduk player Lee Changho. There are countless homage references to LCH from his matches(the games in the drama are exact copies of LCH's) to his family background(LCH's father also owns a jewelry shop) and personality(LCH is also introverted, hates interviews, can't tie his shoe laces, challenged in operating simple household gadgets) LCH's Baduk style is non-aggressive, appears to be very slow, low-profile and timid. Many players who were brutally beaten by him recall that they "thought" they were winning until the end. And this quality of LCH is closely mimicked by TK in the drama. TK always made right choices at the right time(this doesn't make him an strategical opportunist, but rather as JH puts it TK was more ardent, and out of love, without any hesitation, he gives DS what she's looking for every time. TK is also represented as a slow turtle(his nickname was "turtle-Taek" since episode 10 among fans, he proposed DS with golden turtle as well) but we all know who wins the race in Aesop's fable, "a turtle and a hare." At the end of a Baduk game, the white player is given 6.5 homes for the initial disadvantage he had. This explains the more screen time for TK and less for JH twrds the end. The kiss scene of TK and DS in Beijing Hotel in episode 19 gave me chills. As the camera zooms out, did you notice the house-motif fire place in the background? And yes, it's white. TK's been earnestly and successfully built his home all along, step by step. Now then why did the director decide to use the perspective of JH instead of TK or DS? We were mainly shown from JH's one sided point of view and this made a lot of people confused. Is this just to troll everyone to think that JH is the husband? At the end of every Baduk game, players do sth called "Bokgi"(review match). Although the outcome is already determined, Bokgi is still a crucial part of the game and often referred to as "the flower(beauty) of Baduk". It is basically a replay of all the moves during the match. Bokgi is entirely a time for the loser, it is time of humility and introspection. Only the loser can refuse Bokgi, the winner has no say in this. Bokgi is a very painful process for both parties but it is the only time where the loser will gain much more than the winner. Through Bokgi, the loser identifies his own mistakes, face his weaknesses and learn from them. The love relationship btw JH, DS and TK was indeed JH's Bokgi. This is very evident especially in episode 18, at the end JH revisits all his mistakes from the past to present and faces it like a man. He thinks about what he could have done, and learns a life lesson to step up. Although this type of storytelling(anti-antagonistic narrative) did somewhat trolled many, I personally was in awe with the writer/director for employing such innovative, original method. This sure is not a typical everyday drama that we come across. This is just brilliant! Another big point to recognize is that although TK had a bare minimum screen time in the beginning, his presence was always there. Everyone talked about TK, the kids, the parents, friends from school, even the radio and TV. The kids always gathered into TK's room whether he is there or not. TK's room is a big metaphor for TK's presence. He provides the emotional "home" for the kids. The kids spent their childhood and youths, their young days in his room. It's a place of heart for the kids, it represents the good old times they can reminisce and wish to go back in time in a heartbeat. Therefore, the show rightly begins and ends in TK's room. TK's little cozy room under a soft afternoon sunlight is the signature scene from Reply 1988. Now, was the male lead switched at the end from JH to TK? I hardly doubt it. Although the storytelling was from JH's perspective, everything else in the drama was all pointing to TK. That's why unlike Overseas fans, many Korean fans did catch early on that TK is the husband. I myself became sure TK was the husband by episode 6, during the narration of Lee Munse, but many caught on by the first 2 episodes. There are endless amount of foreshadowing and metaphors that are all pointing to TK. I rewatched the entire series 3 times and now I am convinced that by episode 2, you are given pretty much all the clues. For example, when TK enters his room in episode 1, the camera focuses on the swing clock at 6pm, and it rings 6 times, indicating that TK will make his real appearance in episode 6. 4.33 is another very clever metaphor. The name Suyeon and goldfish candies and goldfish buns were great foreshadowing tool leading to TK as well. So many symbolism on wedding theme btw TK and DS gives no room for any doubt. Anyways this is getting too long. I suggest you do some research and re-watch the whole thing again. You will only see how much you know, but I promise you you will see much more than the first round."

[juminss-cat]

could you please do some headcanons/a ficlet about jumin finding out that mr. han forced mc to sign a pre-nup before the wedding behind his back (maybe after mc got in an accident? like he was trying to check if his account was linked to theirs or something) thank you!!! your writing is great btw!!! (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ ♥ ♥ ♥

This was both fun and challenging to write but I had a great deal of fun with it! I couldn’t for the life of me think how to exactly end it, so I hope where I left it off his okay! Thank you so much for the request and your kind words! I hope you enjoy it, lovely!

Jumin blamed himself. In his eyes, he was as much as fault as the car that hit you. He should have demanded that you take Driver Kim. He should have insisted that you have multiple bodyguards with you just so they could haul you out of the burning debris before it injured you further and then he wouldn’t have to look at you lying in a hospital bed covered in casts and bandages. It was his fault and he felt like putting his through the pristine walls of the private hospital.

You looked so fragile, so broken, so pale. Your usually bright and glowing skin is dull and pallid, lips cracked and a muted shade of pink, slightly parted from the tube in your throat. Half of him wanted to rip away the equipment, to breathe life back into you himself, kiss you awake like he’d seen in so many soap operas. The idea was appealing, so much so that he had to take a deep breath to steady himself, exhaling the pent-up emotions.

The steady beeping of the machine was driving him insane while, ironically, maintaining what little sanity he had left. The constant shrill beeps were like a metronome, counting in perfect beat with the one in his head, nestled in next to the built-in watch and ruler. He wished he could reach through and rip them all to shreds. For once he wanted to be ignorant, to ignore the worst case scenarios that his mind was planning, to ignore the constant counting of the clock and to ignore the numbers he saw as he calculated every visible thing; the bed sheets hung lower by 3.4mm on one side than on the other and he stood up, busying himself by correcting them, hands lingering over your body, breathing in deeply at the feeling of your warmth radiating through the thin blankets. You were alive. He focused on that and that alone.

It was a few more days before you woke up, your eyes blinking open blearily and you became aware of a warm pressure on your hand. The lights were blinding after being submerged in darkness for so long, like the first glimpse of sunlight at dawn. When the lights no longer burned your eyes, you allowed them to open fully, trying to process the scene around you through blurred vision as best you were able to. You followed your arm to the warmth that held your hand and saw Jumin’s own hand clasped around yours, his head resting on the bed next to your arm, blazer strewn across the chair and shirt rumpled. His usually neat black hair was in disarray, sticking up in tufts that made him look so young.

You made a vague noise, not being able to speak due to the tube in your throat and your throat was hoarse from disuse, the sound paining you. He inhaled sharply as he came to and sat up, a flurry of emotions fluttering across his face before he finally found one and stuck with it; relief.

“MC?” He asked and you smiled gently up at him, body heavy and exhaustion still keeping you in its clutches. “I’m going to call the nurse,” he told you and you nodded, lightly squeezing his hand and his thumb brushed across your knuckles.

The nurse was in the room immediately followed by the doctor. After an hour of checkups and questions, you were deemed stable for the time being, the various tubes still remaining in your body until they could be certain. Various parts of you ached, a bone-deep pain that got worse when you moved; your shoulder was in a sling, leg in a cast. The doctor had said you were lucky to not have sustained more serious injuries and you saw Jumin’s face pale.

“I’m okay,” you told him, reaching over to grasp hold of his hand once more and squeeze it gently. It was this action that seemed to snap him back into reality and he cleared his throat, nodding and offering you a small smile.

“I know, my darling,” he murmured, standing up and pressing a kiss to your knuckles, “it is I who should be comforting you.” You smiled fondly at him and held onto his hand tighter as the doctor continues to check you over, the occasional spark of pain registering despite the painkillers currently in your system.

“I say she’ll be cleared for release in a few days, provided there are no further complications, of course,” the doctor stated and Jumin uttered his thanks, telling the doctor to send the charges to him. With a nod and a promise that they’d check in with you the next day, the doctor left the room, leaving you and Jumin alone once again.

“You should rest, my love, you need your strength,” he told you, running his fingers down your cheek and you smiled softly at him, leaning into his touch, “I will be here when you wake.” With a slow nod, you let your eyes drift shut, dropping off to the feelings of his slender fingers caressing your cheek.

“Ah, Mr. Han.” Jumin’s head raised from where it had slumped against his chest and he winced at the crook in his neck, turning to meet the doctor’s gaze. He hummed in response, eyes flitting back to your still sleeping form to make sure you were still alive and okay. You were and he exhaled, turning his full attention back to the doctor when he began speaking again. “There’s been an issue regarding the payment methods,” the doctor continues and Jumin frowns in confusion.

“An issue?” He asks and the doctor nods, pulling out a file and passing it to Jumin.

“You asked us to bill it to you, but Mrs. Han’s bank account is not linked to yours, and it is firmly stated that nothing in regards to Mrs. Han is to come out of your funds.” Jumin looked over the documents, frowning when he saw the doctor was correct and he wondered if you had chosen that to reassure him that you weren’t after his money. But then, you hadn’t brought it up with him before you the wedding and the only person that expressed concern was his father and—. His train of thought screeched to a stop and his blood boiled.

“Thank you. I will query it,” he uttered through gritted teeth and the doctor nodded at his somewhat curt reply and left the room. Jumin closed his eyes and steadied himself, taking a deep breath, his hand automatically reaching out for yours, the feel of your soft skin against his own calming him drastically. He then pulled out his phone and messaged his father asking to meet him for dinner before calling V. If his suspicions were correct, he was beyond furious with his father.

When Jihyun arrived at the hospital an hour later, Jumin had resorted to pacing across the room, hands running through his hair in frustration and anger, a sense of betrayal setting in. He knew it was irrational, illogical even, he didn’t even know for a fact that his father was the one behind this, but all of his emotional control was lost when it came to you; he would do anything and everything in his power to keep you happy and healthy.

“Jumin,” V regarded worriedly and Jumin jumped slightly, not having noticed his friend under the room. Jumin had explained the bare minimum over the phone, not wanting to discuss too many details when the facts were still up in the air but Jihyun got the gist of it anyways.

“Jihyun, thank you for coming on such short notice,” Jumin responded, fingers tugging at his sleeves and V frowned in concern, “Can you please sit with MC? I have some…business to attend to.”

“Of course. Is there anything else I can do?” V asked and Jumin shook his head, a few locks of his black hair falling in front of his obsidian eyes, fully in disarray from the frantic combing of his hands through it.

“No. It is a private and delicate matter and I do not wish to divulge such things until I am certain of what has happened. Rest assured that you are the first person I will come to if it happens to what I am suspecting.” V nodded at his answer, taking the seat by your bed wordlessly.

“Good luck, Jumin,” V said, voice soft and Jumin gave a curt nod of thanks before walking briskly out of the door and out of the hospital where Driver Kim was waiting.

His father was at his penthouse when he entered, sitting alone on the sofa with a glass of wine in his hands. The sight would usually make him happy, it was a rare sight to see his father visiting him without a new woman on his arms, but today it made him want to throw the bottle of wine at his head.

“Father,” Jumin greeted and Mr. Han smiled at him warmly, standing up to embrace him, something which Jumin returned stiffly.

“To what do I owe this meeting?” He asked and Jumin motioned for him to sit down, pulling out the folder from his bag and flipping through it. He couldn’t believe he was having to do this, he never believed his own father would do something like this, not to the woman he loved.

“Did you force MC to sign a prenuptial?” Jumin asked, not seeing any point in digressing from the point of the meeting, and Chairman Han blinked, taken aback, face flushing slightly and fingers fiddling with the wine glass. Jumin shoved the folder into his hands and e remained silent for a moment and his silence only made Jumin all the more angry, jaw clenching. “It is a simple question, father, did you or did you not?” He repeated and Chairman Han sighed, setting the wine glass down.

“Yes, I did,” before Jumin could cut him off, he forged on, “but it was for your own good. You are constantly telling me that the women I date are after nothing more than my money, my materials, and I did not want my own son to experience the pain and betrayal that comes with that,” he explained and Jumin growled.

“So you’d rather that I feel the pain that comes from being betrayed by my own father?” He snapped and Mr. Han sighed, rubbing his forehead.

“Jumin, you must understand that—”

“No. I do not have to understand, father. I understand perfectly well. I understand that what you tried to do was out of something akin to love, perhaps, but it was wrong and it is hurtful. I cannot believe that you view MC in such a way. You know how much she means to me, you know how much I cherish her with all my being and for you to make her sign something that suggests that neither you nor I trust her hurts me more than you could understand,” He said angrily, not leaving any room for complaints or stuttered explanations.

“Jumin, please. It was for your own good, son.” Jumin scoffed and stood up, crossing the room and standing in front of his father, looming above him.

“I want a copy of it. I want to see what else you made her agree to. This marriage was not arranged, father, it did not have terms, it had no motives other than love and you’ve somehow made it out that it did. Didn’t MC signing the goddamned thing not show you that she is nothing like the women you date?” He said, eyes blazing and Mr. Han stood up, frowning at his son.

“I am still your father, Jumin, and you do not disrespect me in that manner. I will say again that I did it to protect you, to protect everything you’ve built, your legacy, your future.” Jumin closed his eyes and took a deep breath, fists clenched by his side.

“I would gladly give up everything I have for her.” Silence fell in the penthouse and the Chairman sighed, shaking his head.

“I’ll make sure a copy of the prenuptial reaches you,” he promised and Jumin regarded him coldly before turning on his heel and walking towards the door, pausing before he reached it.

“I insist you leave the premises in the next ten minutes or I notify security to remove you.” He shut the door with more force than necessary, ignoring the indignant cry of his name from his father. He took the stairs to the ground floor, not being able to bear the thought of standing still in the elevator.

You were just as he’d left you, eyes shut, fluttering slightly in your sleep, your hair mussed against the pillow. He noted, to his relief, that your face had slightly more colour, it was still pallid, but a hint of a flush was beginning to return to your cheeks. Jihyun was in the chair like he promised he would be, his arms crossed and head resting on his shoulder as he dropped in and out of a light doze.

“Jihyun,” he murmured, careful not to wake him or you if he was fully asleep. His eyes opened, focusing on Jumin and he offered a smile. The smile was short lived when he took in Jumin’s appearance, the stress, and anger written over his face.

“Do you want to talk about it?” V asked and Jumin sighed, nodded, and pulled up a chair.

You awoke just as he finished telling all the details to Jihyun whose own face was equally as shocked and angry as Jumin’s. You heard soft murmurs, the deep baritone of Jumin’s voice and another one that sounded familiar but that you couldn’t quite place through the haze of sleep and painkillers.

“Jumin?” You asked, eyes blinking open and he was by your side in an instant, brushing your hair out of your face and lacing your hands together. You licked your lips and swallowed, trying to dampen your throat. A straw was being pressed against your lips and you took it gratefully, managing a few sips. He helped you into a sitting position and you noticed V next to the bed. You greeted him with a nod and a smile.

“What’s wrong, Jumin?” You asked worriedly after noting his appearance and he shook his head, kneeling next to your bed. Jihyun told you he’d give the both of you some privacy and left, the door gently closing with a soft click behind him.

“Something was brought to my attention regarding our bank accounts,” Jumin told you and you blinked, brain not processing or connecting exactly what he meant and he explained further, “I found out that my father made you sign a prenuptial agreement of some sort.” You paled, shrinking back into the bed and he was immediately reaching for you, pressing kisses over your hand, stroking your cheek.

“It’s okay, my love, I am not mad at you, you’ve done nothing wrong,” he reassured and you relaxed slightly, still letting an apology fall from your lips. He shook his head, pressing his forehead against your arm and breathing in your scent, humming when your other arm managed to reach across and lace in his hair.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” you murmured and you felt his eyelashes flutter against your arm, the puff of his warm breath fanning against your arms, “your father told me that it had to be kept between us, that it was none of your business and it was to protect you.” You felt him tense up and did your best to relax him, running your fingers softly through his hair and down your neck. “I just wanted to make sure you were protected, no matter what, that if I did ever do something to betray you, heaven forbids, that it will not cost you.”

“And what if I betrayed you, MC? Or what if something happened to me? You do realise that he separated our accounts completely. We share nothing financially.” You nodded with a sad smile and cupped his face, brushing a thumb across his cheek.

“I know, Jumin, but I don’t care at all for your money. I care about you. If it meant you were happy and protected I would live without a penny to my name,” you explained and he shook his head in frustration, pulling your hand away from his cheek and kiss the back of it.

“If you love me, MC, then you must also know how much I love you, and how I would rather die than to see you in such conditions, to see you struggling and unable to cope. I want the best for you like you do for me. I am privileged enough to have this life but it means nothing if I cannot share it with you,” he explained and you looked up at him through your eyelashes, eyes big and bright with tears.

“I’m sorry,” you repeated again and he looked at you softly, pressing a kiss to your lips carefully. He brushed a hand through your hair before cupping your jaw gently, thumb stroking the bone.

“Please, don’t be. Just allow me to rip up the contract so we can share everything.”

[fairlightfitz]

2018 so far.

I need to shoot it straight with you guys. 

I’ve heard of hurt and confusion on your end of things. I hope to inspire some clarification. 

Let’s rewind to December... or maybe even November. Possibly May 2017. 2017 was the most confusing year of my life while 2018 then become straight up discombobulating. How can I account for a myself and how i come out of a relationship that lasted a measly 10 months... or maybe 18 depending on how you look at it. To be clear, I am still trying to make sense of it on my own. Well not completely on my own, I pay someone a good amount of money just to talk about my mind’s thoughts and my heart’s hurts. 

I fell in love with a man. For some reason that's always the beginning of the end for me. Which is why I am so picky and don’t do it often. Falling in love turns my life to shreds. It leaves the people that I know and love behind and confused. It’s happened once... twice...and now three times. For the record it destroys me. I don’t know how to process my past, and therefore can’t begin to hope for my future. I know vaguely what I want, but these days I can’t even hope. Being honest with myself is the hardest part... which is why being an honest and open with you is even harder. 

I hope you have a cuppa, this could be a while. 

In November, the man i loved and hoped for and believed for told me “he didn’t know”. He told me he couldn’t choose me, and therefore couldn’t even be friends with me, because otherwise he’d never be able to move on from me. Because that makes sense right?

So I pushed the loss of hope, the rejection aside, and determined within myself to push him behind me, and move on. I didn’t confront my hurt, my confusion, my loss... that’s now how I roll. I move on, stay active, pour myself into distractions ranging from work, travel. or... a house? (that's another story for another time). My shoving my hurt and heart ache aside worked for a grand total of one whole month. 

Then the strangest thing happened. The man that I was so hurt by was the only one to speak truth and identity to a different type of a hurt heart. The confusion within me swirled around me and dropped me out of mid air. At that point I couldn’t process anything. I could only dwell on how much I missed the man I had chosen to love, but had not chosen me despite him knowing me so deeply. 

I was a mess, and I was broken. But even I didn’t know the extent of it. 

I barely carried myself through the holidays. All i thought of was the past year and its highs and lows. I remembered a Christmas in love, and ached for it. 

At this point some people started to clue in... but barely. Which I completely understand. It’s the holidays, there’s happiness and joy and cheer, who is going think about me? No one, and while sad, it’s also okay and understood. But even so, New Year’s Eve was looming. I thought about the party, my friends, nearly all of them couples and seemingly happy. I couldn’t muster the energy to put a smile on my face and pretend to be happy. 

I couldn’t do it. The thought filled me with a deep dread. 

Please know, all of these feeling were so new and foreign to me that I didn’t even wholly know what was happening. And so, I did what I knew best. I ran away. 

I decided to work NYE, and be “responsible.” But in all honesty I was sick. Physically... Emotionally... Mentally. All of it. I didn’t know the extent of it at the time. Truly. All I knew, is that I couldn’t muster the strength to be present and “strong” around those who know me the best. That’s how bad it was. 

So away I flew. I came home being unable to speak due to my first ever bout of Laryngitis, but I came home ready to start fresh. Ready to take control of my heart and mind, and push 2017 behind me. 

Then I found out news that truly devastated and broke me. 

My ex had been invited to a party by a close friend. A party that consisted of my people, my clan. He was invited and he attended. I still have no idea why, and mark it as the second most selfish thing he has ever done. The thoughts ran through my brain... “my friends like him more than me,” “he rejected me but wants my world,” “did he go there hoping to see me?” “if he was there, what else will he be at? -- Do I have to be prepared at all times to see him?” “I’M NOT READY TO SEE HIM!,” “If my friends are inviting him to stuff, they’re not safe.,” “Who are these people that would choose my ex over me, someone they’ve known for 10+ years,” “everyone likes my ex better than me, he’s more likable” and SO ON AND SO FORTH. The endless series of thoughts fed the next and wouldn’t end. It took weeks for them to even slow down. Imagine, if you can, the torment of being rejected and not chosen by the man whom you had committed to in so many ways, not being enough for him... but also your whole people group then choosing that person and no one taking care of you in the process. 

I recognize that this is all extreme and that there are plenty of untruths in all of this. But I was so alone, and had no one to turn to because I had built up my friend group to be so intertwined and mingled, that there was no undoing the the interwoven complexities of relationships all around me. Everyone was connected, and by few degrees were connect to Him. So therefore, no one was safe. 

In my hurt, anger, bitterness, confusion, and sadness (all terrible feeling, btw), I shut down all the way. I powered down and told everyone I was going hermit status. I couldn’t cope and I couldn’t process. I felt like my world had crumbled around me a hundred times over. it was so brutal. 

I poured myself into work and distracted myself by buying a house... because that’s all i could grasp for. I had nothing. I felt empty, betrayed, rejected and hurt. But how do you face that all alone? Quick answer, you don’t!

January trudged by. After a few weeks of ignoring the outside world and pushing everyone away, I decided to reach out to a friend for insight and wisdom. I respected her, and knew she would tell me straight up if I was completely out of line. I had to sit in her driveway sobbing for at least 15 minutes before she came out and got me. I spent the next five, 5!, hours on her couch, blubbering and crying and trying to sort out one train of thought from the other. In the end, she never said I was way off track, she just said, “your heart is hurting and that’s true and valid.” And that marked the first time I hadn’t felt totally crazy. 

From there, I built out step by step. I talked to Amy, I talked to my dad, then next day I talked to my mom. They all could finally glimpse the madness and confusion within me. They saw into my heart and its hurt. They heard me, and didn’t reject me. And that meant the world. They knew me, they saw my ugly, and they still chose to love me despite. 

So I felt like I was rebuilding. 

Then I ran into a friend post church one Sunday. When I saw her, my heart lurched. I missed her, it was as simple as that. We had a quick two minute casual exchange, and walking away my heart swelled thinking that I was slowly normalizing back to the “old fairlight.” then two hours later, I received an angry text... a text... communicating a lot of judgement towards me. it was very attacking and shocking, and it sent me right back down again.

I felt like an injured animal in a way... I was inching towards a friendly hand, but then that hand smacked me behind the head and sent me running. I could only cower and wonder what all my other “friends” thought of me. 

This is the point in the story that one very good and wise friend asked me if I ever would consider talking to a professional about all that I was going through. 

After seeing him and talking through my year’s experience thus far, he validated my heart hurt. My injury came from my ex, yes, but also my people, my clan. The way I build my community is very focused. I used to say that my goal in life was “For all my friends to be friends with all my friends.” To me, that would be glorious. I love my people, and want them all to love each other as well. But when I cut out the group that was connected to the ex, I had to cut everyone. 

It took reconnecting with my high school friends that I barely saw or talked to to realize I needed people not connected to him in any way. I needed space and time to heal. I knew I had to recede from all my social life. I had to feel safe with myself, and then a few, and then handful, before reconnecting. initially I had estimated a year of hermit status. But I made it to 6 months, and finally I’m seeing the flicker of hope in the distance. My heart doesn’t ache... and to be clear, it was never broken. I won’t give him that. I can’t. I am strong, but I am so so weak. I am tired of holding myself up without the support of my community. I am this, and I am that. I can’t explain it all the way. 

But please realize, I have started to reframe that whole word of “community” and its meaning in my life. Who are my people? What are my expectations for my friendships. Am I allowed to even have exceptions? Some say yes, and some say no. So where does that leave me? I literally have no idea. If you can, please bear with me. 

This story continues and turn, and takes a couple of sharp curves that I didn’t even expect. 

But what I want you all to know, is that I am rebuilding, I miss most of you so intensely and deeply, but truly fear the consequences of my own brokenness. I’ve reached out to a few, and have been warmly received and accepted. While others I’ve only heard radio silence. I don’t hold that contrast again anyone. We are all doing the best we can. Maybe my best feels like your bare minimum. 

I’m truly deeply sorry if you were hurt and rejected by my response (or lack thereof) to you. I hope my words illuminate some of the muck I was working my way through. I’m trying my darnedest to come out of it. I’ve been wanting to write all of this for at least three months, but it’s been scary to sit down and write this all out. I’m trying to get healthy again. Some of you might note the lack of mention of God in all of this. I won’t shy away from the fact that the chasm of distance I’ve felt between Him and I is vast. I wondered where He was, where was His voice, His hope, that strength I hear so much about... Trust me, I’ve heard all of the trite responses to the pain and hurt I’ve experience this year and last. They don’t help. While He feels far way, I know he’s there. I’m still in a grieving process. I was angry, I was so mad. So I pushed Him away, too. I’ll circle back around when it’s time, and I think it’s nearly time. So don't worry, I’m not a hopelessly lost little lamb. I’ll be okay.