#buck is gonna be so sad next week and I can’t wait to watch eddie remind him how much he loves him. HIM.

[firehose118]

It’s not that Eddie is hanging out with someone else. It’s not that said someone is exciting, can give Eddie things that Buck can’t, can bond with him over things that Buck can’t.

It’s that Buck knew this would happen. He knew he would be replaced when Eddie found someone better, knew that it wouldn’t be hard.

Eddie deserves this. He deserves a friend who can take him up in the sky and bring him safely back down. Not someone who steps on his shoe and pushes him to the ground.

Buck deserves to be left. He’s been selfish. It serves him right for thinking he could hold on to Eddie, to their little family. He knew it was too good to last. Everyone leaves him sooner or later. No one wants to keep him forever.

Eddie has Marisol and now he has Tommy. What does he need Buck for?

[translatemunson]

thought of calling you, but you won’t pick up • ttfd

chapter four of the tortured firefighters department

previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter

cw: fem!reader, afab!reader, no descriptions of reader, banter (because i love it), reader is a math and science nerd, chris is here, mentions of food, hints of mental issues, proofread by my bye-lingual ass (let me know if i forgot anything)

You checked your phone again. Last night, Eddie texted that Carla would be joining you and Chris on your small field trip because he forgot he had booked her for the day. You never met the lady, but you were sure it was gonna be fine. With an extra adult ticket in your pocket, you waited.

Fifteen minutes and no sign of them. Maybe you should text Eddie and get Carla’s number? She was probably stuck in traffic, but that information would ease your worries — and you could help her avoid the even worse routes the apps were giving these days. At this pace, you’d wear off the soles of your white Nike Dunk and pull every single thread of your maroon sweater.

You were about to text Eddie when you saw the black Jeep Wrangler parking not a few spots down to your left. No fucking way, you thought as you marched into its direction.

“Let’s go, Chris, we’re gonna be late!” Buck helped the kid out of the car and picked up a small paper bag before closing the door.

“Hey, Chris! Are you excited?” You hugged him and kept your hands on his shoulder, finally looking at the one person you’ve been successfully avoiding. “Thanks for dropping him off, Buckley. Is Carla joining us later?”

“Actually, I’m on babysitting duty today.” He extended you the paper bag. “Peace offering?”

“What is this?”

“The reason why we were late.” He insisted you accept the bag. “C’mon, aren’t you curious?”

“He said you’d like it,” Chris added. 

You accepted the gift, peaking it before opening the bag and finding one of your favorite cupcakes from your favorite bakery. The one from the incident that set the whole “we could be friends” situation on fire.

“Can we call it a truce for today?” It was implied, but he was definitely saying this for Chris’ sake.

“Ok, just today. But this doesn’t make things magically disappear, Buckley.”

“Why do you call him Buckley?” Chris asked you, his head tilted in your direction. “I call him Buck!”

“She’s mad at me, little guy.” He took a step closer to you two, probably testing the waters. “Did you get the tickets?”

“Who do you think I am? But give me one second, I can’t enter the museum with food.”

“Take your time. Wanna see if we can get to the museum before Brains, Chris?” And off they went.

You were almost sure Eddie planned this out. Leaving you to babysit his son and his annoying friend, who everyone under the 118 roof knew you were avoiding. One hundred percent intentional, right? And of course he would be late because he drove all the way to Santa Monica to buy your favorite cupcake — someone gave him a tip.

You started to feel a bit sad for ignoring his calls and texts all week long. But you pushed it away while you ate the cupcake and watched the boys walking to the entrance. With your clean hand, you gave Buck the tickets and told them to go ahead and go all the way back after the main hall: it was smart to take advantage of the morning weather on the Nature Gardens outside and explore all the fossils and animals later on. 

You were just a few steps behind when you caught up with them in the outdoor gardens. As a newcomer to this whole Chris’ babysitter duty job, you left to Buck to finish the small walk around the main paths. It was a good opportunity to text Eddie and say that, even though you offered to take Chris to the Museum, you were only assigned to take care of one kid, not two. In his best single-father in the middle of a shift style, he texted you a ‘thumbs up’ back. Oh he was so hearing about it later.

The Natural History Museum in Los Angeles was definitely packed with exhibitions that could keep a child and adults entertained. You’d been there once, as soon as you moved to LA, almost a year ago now, and the featured exhibitions were different back then, but still a pretty good curating work after all.

However, the moment Chris saw the Dinosaur Hall and the Dino Lab, you knew it was over for any other exhibitions. And could you blame him? The dinos were pretty badass and Chris was a very curious kid, so he kept asking you all the questions you could’ve imagined — and a few more you weren’t prepared for. You acted like his own private tour guide, proud of spending some time researching and studying about dinosaurs the last few days.

You almost missed all the attention Buck was giving to you while you talked. To be honest, you couldn’t tell who was more focused on you: the kid or the annoying adult.

After all that talking, you for sure were starting to feel a little tired and overwhelmed. Even with short breaks for some water, you still felt like you needed a reset. You signaled to Buck that you’re going to the restroom for a second, he kept reading Chris the charts about butterflies and insects.

You washed your hands and used some of the water on your neck, trying to calm yourself down. How did you go from wanting Buckley’s head on a plate to babysitting with him? Life was fast and unpredictable by the Pacific shore. One lady entered the restroom and stopped by the sink to your right, trying to get rid of the chocolate and ketchup in her hands. You saw her a few minutes ago, when you stopped to grab some water.

“Can I just say you are an adorable couple? And your son is so sweet.” Her tone was sweet and definitely meant well. But she was so wrong about everything.

“Oh, he’s not our kid,” you rushed to explain the situation. “We’re just babysitting for a friend while he’s working.”

“Well, just like my grandparents told me once: sometimes you’ll have a taste of what your life could be with a special person at the moment you least expected.”

You smiled at her through the mirrors. “Did they give you any advice on how to know if it’s the right one?”

“No, but you look like someone who knows how to find that answer.” She threw the paper towels away. “Sorry for being so cryptic. Have fun!”

She left before you could even thank her for… well, the advice. Not that you asked for it, but it did show up in a nice time. Or maybe not. You weren’t sure. Did that truce mean you could let yourself feel everything you were repressing for the past few weeks? Not just regarding Evan Buckley and his lack of manners, but about everything in your life.

After all the dinosaurs and lectures about natural history, you decided to wrap up and move on to the next stop on your list. Buckley helped Chris get down the entry steps and you took the directions back to the parking lot close to the museum.

“Thanks for your services, Buckley. You can just,” you motioned your head to his car. “Ok, Chris. What do you wanna do now?” You opened your Uber app to get a ride to the next destination.

“Not necessary.” Buckley took the phone out of your hands and stored it into his jacket pocket. “I’m also the designated driver for the day.”

“What happened to you getting out of my hair?” You crossed your arms over your chest.

“I thought we were in this together.” He gave you the classic — and a little bit sassy — Buckley smile. He paid for the parking. “C’mon, Chris, we have places to go.”

The three of you walked to his car, but you were still not convinced. It was your idea to babysit Chris for the day, all your plans were picked towards your goal: having a nice and chill day with him. You didn’t need Evan Buckley and all his golden retriever energy to disturb your perfect equation.

While you were hating on him, he made sure Chris was comfortable and safe on the back seat. 

“Why are you ruining my plans?” You didn’t move from the driver’s door. Maybe, if you were warned beforehand you’d had to deal with him, you'd grow some patience. But not today, not this fast.

“I’m not. Still your plans with Chris. Tell me where to go next, I’ll drive us.”

“Give me my phone back.”

“Are you letting me be your driver today?” He leaned against the car.

“What choice do I have, Evan?” You rolled your eyes.

“Hey, I’ve told you I’m sorry.” You stepped aside, finally letting him grab the door handle. “Also, none of my friends call me Evan, by the way.”

“And since when am I your friend?”

“Since now. Hurry up, he’s gonna grow impatient and snap at us.”

“He would never do that.”

“Wanna test your theory, future doctor?”

“Not at all.”

He closed the door. You went around the vehicle, still pissed at him for taking your phone from you. You jumped into the car and checked Chris.

“Ok, are we hungry already or can we check out this cool place before that?”

“Pancakes!” Chris shouted from his seat. “Please?”

“Sure! Ok, let me just,” you instinctively reached out for your phone, but it was still being held hostage by Buck. “Phone, please.”

“Here,” he handed it to you, an aux cable attached to it. “Put the address in the GPS, and please play something kid friendly, ok?”

“Excuse me? What do you think I listen to while I’m driving to work?”

“With that sassy attitude of yours? I expect the worst.”

Just to prove him wrong, as soon as you entered the address on the GPS, you blasted one of your personal favorites. “I stay out too late, got nothing in my brain. That's what people say, mm-mm,” you sang.

“That's what people say, mm-mm,” and Chris, in the back seat, joined you.

You were definitely getting under Buck’s skin. The fact that you picked a song Chris knew the words too left him in disadvantage because you were sure he wanted the taste of saying “Told you so” as soon as he proved his point. But he should’ve known better than to provoke you.

“And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate. Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake. I shake it off!” You sang it right by Buck’s ear, dodging his hand because he was trying to get you out of his hair. Well, how does it feel now, Evan?

Your queue was really impressive: it looked like you were up-to-date with what the younger generation was listening to — not that you didn’t enjoy the same songs occasionally, but you never kept your options too narrow. There was just one scary moment where you thought you added an explicit song, but you deleted it in time. 

Buck was too busy following the GPS directions. You were stuck with him for the rest of the day, which was a nightmare by itself, and kinda stuck into the endless LA traffic. Chris didn’t notice the animosity between you because you both toned it down — for him, only for one day. Most of it sounded like some friendly banter.

Under the upbeat pop song you were playing, you could hear him singing another tune, barely familiar, but still unrecognizable.

“What’s that?”

“Oh, nothing.” He made a left turn, but kept on singing it. “If you could see it… been here all along… how could you not know baby.”

Without a warning, you typed the name of the song in your library and gave it priority in your queue. His fingers started tapping in the beat, and he started following the lyrics, saying the right words this time.

“If you could see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along. So, why can't you see? You belong with me,” you two sang along together. But you really kept your poker face because you couldn’t give him any reasons to be even more annoying.

“Looks like we’ve arrived,” he announced, breaking the spell of one song.

Buck pointed to the restaurant you found a few months ago. It was located south of Santa Monica, a few blocks from the beach, but with the rooftop seats, you could definitely say you were eating by the beach. You parked not far from the entry, and you rushed upstairs to get one of those special tables, telling Buck to help Chris because you didn’t want to ruin the surprise.

On the very edge of the roof, your favorite table awaited you: closer to the corner, with a huge light blue umbrella over your head, the four seat table had the perfect view and vibes. You pulled a chair for your bag and greeted the waiter. She didn’t get why you were in a rush until she saw Chris on Buck’s back.

“Could you just pick a place with an elevator next time?”

“I thought you were the muscles, Buckley. Hey, Chris, let me help you.” You held him tight, removing him from Buck’s embrace and putting him on the floor. “I had to make sure we had the perfect table.”

Three stores of stairs, in a rush, were justified once you got to see the smile on Chris’ face. You could catch your breath later.

+++

Chris ate way too many pancakes. You’d have to do a lot of explaining to Eddie, but hey, if the kid was happy, how could that be a problem?

You had to cancel the last plan of the day — a trip to another museum — and settle down at an arcade close to the restaurant before ending your babysitting duty. Just buying you enough time to Eddie leave the firehouse and be home. So you were watching Buck and Chris playing some games while you tried to schedule some study breaks between classes and shifts.

“What’s wrong?” Buck sat down to your right. Chris was just in your sight, in case he needed more coins or any help.

“Nothing.” You turned off your phone screen, ignoring your packed schedule.

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” He gave you a little smudge on the shoulder. “C’mon, Brains, talk to me.”

“I’m just a bit tired, it’s fine.”

“You know, you can go home now, I’ll take him to Eddie’s. You look like you need a good night of sleep.”

“To be honest, I can’t go back home now because I’d feel guilty. My brain is all mushy,” you pointed to your head, “and I wouldn’t be able to study or relax. I would rather stay here, where my mind is focused on something else.”

“I know what you mean,” he leaned his body back, his eyes staring something beyond what you could see. “I support you distracting yourself, but this won’t go away just because you’re ignoring it, you know? Are you sure you’re ok?”

Being ok was a concept you weren’t sure about the past few days. You wanted to be ok, to look ok to everyone around you, but it was hard. You were just faking until you made it. The PhD program was starting to wear you off, and even though you loved it, the thoughts of giving up were taking every single inch of your notes and books.

But what would be your excuse to leave it unfinished when numbers, probabilities and hours of understanding the impossible things were half of your life at this point?

“Did I hit my head or something? Do you have a fever? Why are you being nice to me?” You swiftly tried to change subjects.

“We’re on a truce, remember?”

“Maybe we could be on good terms again,” you suggested. “I mean, if you ever eat my cupcakes again, Bobby will need to hire a new firefighter.”

“So we’re good?”

“We’re good.” Your screen lit up with a notification. “Eddie is gonna be stuck with an emergency, but Carla is on her way to the house. Should we just go?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll go get him and then we drop him off.”

“Great.”

Chris black out as soon as Buck started the drive back to the Diaz house. The radio volume was low, and the orange and pink tones of the sunset were being replaced by the dark blue of the night. You found it hard to keep your eyes open for too long, and only noticed you took a nap when Chris was calling for your name, wanting to say goodbye before going inside.

“Thank you for today, Brains!” He hugged you, and it made everything worth it. “Can we do this again soon?”

“We’re gonna chase all the dinosaurs in LA, I promise.” You gave him one last huge and walked back to the car, watching Carla and Buck talking by the front door.

And there you were, back in the car with Evan Buckley. If he wanted to make a comment about how he was right, he let it slide. You connected your phone and entered the address to your house on the GPS. He took your phone from your hands, declaring “Now that everyone in this car is over 18, we can play the good stuff.”

“Are you sure you are old enough? Give me that back, Evan!”

“Hey! I’m driving. And you challenged me. I’m gonna show you what I usually blast in my car.”

You expected anything from Evan Buckley, even the worst genre of music, but nothing prepared you for when you listened to the introduction of ‘You Give Love A Bad Name’ blasting through the speakers.

The playlist had completely changed and moved away from what you played when Chris was in the car. Bruce Springsteen, The Beatles, even a little of Led Zeppelin, just to enjoy some classics you never thought Buck appreciated. But he was more than just a firefighter with a sassy attitude, some wrongs and lots of muscle.

You look around, panicking a little when you notice you’re entering your building’s garage. You were definitely expecting to be dropped off at the front of the building. What the hell was going on?

“What… How did you get the access?”

“So, funny story. Maddie told you about the place, right?” He turned his head to check your reaction. “Well, I was the one that mentioned that a unit was available when I was complaining about my ex neighbor… So yeah, we are neighbors.”

“You’re annoying, you know that, right?”

“I thought Maddie told you.”

Well, she almost did, but she was interrupted by your neighbor himself that night. Shit.

“For how long did you know this?” You pointed to the garage and between you two.

“For a few weeks, when I saw your car after the cupcake incident.”

“I pledge the fifth.” You disconnected your phone from his car. Well, it would only get awkward if you walked to your apartment in complete silence, so you asked, “Wait, so you were texting and calling me from across the hall? You’re unbelievable.”

“What? If I knock on your door, you’ve got a restraining order against me.”

You left the car at the same time, and walked to the elevators.

“I bet I could convince Sergeant Grant to arrest you.”

“You’d make her dreams come true.”

Same elevator, same floor. You took opposite directions: his place was to the left, yours to the right, on the corners of the building, just one unit between you. You waved him goodbye and entered your home. To your right, your kitchen and dinner table. The glass doors to your balcony were opened — your mistake when you left in a hurry that morning — and it felt more like home than you expected.

Under the stairs, your notes and books were scattered. Sundays were for studying and writing the thesis. Your gray couch held the books you were searching the other day, too busy to put them back in the high and long bookshelves you had on the wall. Your television was the least used electronic in the place.

You walked upstairs and threw yourself in the bed. Maybe you should’ve picked up his calls before, but now it wasn’t a problem anymore.

author's note: are we watching the beginning of their friendship? I THINK SO! yes, i love a slow burn, but i swear it's gonna be worth it, ok? hope you're enjoying this series as much as i am. also: i published a blurb, so check the series masterlist bc i kinda loved it, not gonna lie. ALSO, my lovely friend, casey, made a playlist for the series. just check the masterlist! see yall next week!

[buddieisgoingcanon2024]

I have such conflicted feelings about 7x04 and I don’t know what to think. I LOVE Bi Buck and I’m so happy that it’s finally canon ❤️❤️ BUT I really dislike that it’s with Tommy…. They didn’t have like any scenes together and the ones they did have were short and didn’t contain much chemistry (in my opinion.) Tommy didn’t really seem interested in what Buck was saying or doing and now all of a sudden he kisses him?

I also don’t understand how the narrative ended with ‘Buck was jealous OF Eddie for spending time with Tommy’ instead of ‘Buck was jealous of Eddie hanging out with someone else and he didn’t understand why that upset him.’ If he was jealous OF Eddie then wtf was that gym scene where he was trying to get his attention? Tommy wasn’t even there.

Again, I’m extremely happy we got bi Buck and I don’t mind that his first male kiss wasn’t with Eddie because I don’t think they’ve had that realization yet and they need time, but I just feel like Tommy came out of nowhere. If they stay together throughout the season or are even end game I will be a pretty bummed :/

I really really hope that this propels the narrative of Buck finding himself and during that process he realizes that he may have misguided his jealousy because his feelings for Eddie are so strong and he didn’t know how to understand/process them. (Because again, THE GYM SCENE???)

I’m really happy, sad, and disappointed all in one and my brain doesn’t know what to do about it.

I will say 100% that gym “attention” scene and then going to the Buck likes Tommy DIDN’T make sense either.

I seriously can’t wait for the hopeful double date scene next week. It’s gonna be fascinating to watch.

[littlespoonevan]

Hey do you have any buddie fic recs?

i sure do!!! there have been so many incredible fics posted recently that i'm still trying to work my way through them but here are a few that i've read in the past two weeks that i've absolutely adored:

cause i'm tired of sleeping alone by rarakiplin (gmontys) (@hoediaz)

Buck goes on dates now.

Not often, and never with the same girl twice in a row, but he goes on dates.

And the thing is — the thing is, Eddie can’t be mad about that, because he goes on dates too.

-

or, five (ish) times eddie and buck go on dates with other people, and one time they go on a date with each other

never want for more when you're near by @hattalove

And Buck had, honestly, just about kept it together through the drive and the wait before Chim opened the door and this particular bout of nausea. He doesn’t have it in him to hold it in anymore, has to tell someone, so he takes a painful breath and says:

“I slept with Eddie.”

Chimney brightens. “Oh, con—“ he stops himself when Buck whines. “Not congrats?”

in which buck gets drunk and sleeps with eddie. except does he?

as easy as defusing a bomb by iriswests  (@evanbucxley)

His Google search history leading up to Hen and Karen’s vow renewal looks like this:

How to stop being attracted to your best friend Why am I attracted to my best friend Why am I attracted to my best friend + man Why are arms so attractive on men How to make my house carry-proof How do I tell my best friend to keep his shirt on Why does my best friend keep yawning Yawning remedies Dry lip remedies Slip-resistant dish gloves Slip-resistant dish gloves floral pattern

And then he just spent the next hour finding and ordering stupid dish gloves for Buck, because Google, it turns out, does not always have the answer, and leaves Eddie with more questions than before (like: does Buck have sleep apnea, actually, and if so, should he be seeing someone for it?).

--

or; buck moves in with eddie while taylor finds a new place, and prompts what feels like puberty 2.0 for eddie diaz.

Blame It On the Alcohol/Halloween Candy/Mistletoe/Etc. by @hmslusitania

Eddie doesn’t consider the repercussions of his actions until two weeks later. It’s Sunday, and Christopher had spent the previous day working on a school project at Ava’s house, and now over their pancakes, Christopher is just…staring at him. “What?” Eddie asks, reaching over to ruffle Christopher’s curls. “Not enough blueberries?” “Did you kiss Buck?” Christopher asks. Eddie freezes and he’s pretty sure he sounds like he’s being strangled when he asks, “Did I what?”

OR

Five times Buck and Eddie kiss for perfectly platonic reasons and One time it's none of those things (Spoiler alert: It is never any of those things)

All Tomorrows Come From Yesterdays by allisonRW96 (@homerforsure)

“I want that,” he says quietly. “I want that so bad it hurts sometimes. And I don’t think I’m ever gonna have it.”

In the aftermath of a breakup, Buck attends a wedding.

Patch by @wilddragonflying

Change a few things, and what if it wasn't Hen and Chim Jonah captured?

What if it was Buck and Eddie?

said i couldn't stay, but it's different now by @hattalove

“I think,” he says, watching Karen pull Hen out onto the dance floor, their eyes never leaving each other’s, “I think I’m just—sad.”

Maybe. That feels like a close enough word to describe this gaping maw right in the center of his chest. It’s only really there sometimes, taking little bites out of him, easy enough to ignore, but today is worse.

“About being single at a wedding,” Eddie says, not a question.

Buck shrugs. “Sounds stupid when you put it that way.”

or, the one with the four weddings (feat. a drunk karen wilson, shania twain, a single cheerio, and some confessions over cubed fruit).

baby, we can make it (if we're heart to heart) by lecornergirl (@clusterbuck)

“I lied,” he says, the words coming out ragged. “Earlier.”

“What did you lie about?” Buck asks. His tone is mild, edged with curiosity. He doesn’t know what’s coming.

For the space of a heartbeat, Eddie considers changing course. Considers backing out. Considers making up something inconsequential. But the lump in his throat has a mind of its own, and the words come out anyway.

“When I said I’m not in love with you.”

with my heart pounding (down that broken path) by farfromthstars (@buckactuallys)

And it’s been less than an hour since they arrived, and over a year since he last saw his son and grandson in person, but already Ramon feels like he keeps saying the wrong things around Eddie. He doesn’t mean to, but Eddie already seems angry at him, seems angry at him most of the time, and he’s just not sure why. It’s in the way he looks at him sometimes, his snippy comments, and painfully obvious in the way he’s so different with other people, especially Christopher, his abuela and his aunt. Ramon knows that the four of them have spent a lot of time together since Eddie moved Chris and himself to LA, but it still hurts a little that his own son is this close with his mother and sister when it feels like he can’t even talk to Ramon past superficial small talk.

~

Eddie's visit through his father's eyes.

we've got tonight (who needs tomorrow) by rarakiplin (gmontys) (@hoediaz)

Buck nods, rolling his glass gently between his palms. “Do you think you’ll ever have that? What Hen and Karen have?”

“You asked me that once before, you know,” Eddie says, and maybe he hasn’t fully grown out of deflection. Buck’s head turns toward him, a small little smile that means he remembers. “I said I hope so.”

“Has your answer changed?”

“Has yours?”

A scoff, Buck’s gaze tearing away from Eddie’s to return to his glass, where his fingers tap uselessly against the side. “I guess I’m not sure I’m built for this kind of love. The epic, all-consuming kind, I mean. Maybe I just have to be okay with — something I can live with, you know?”

-

or, eddie and buck sleep together at a wedding, but it's a little more than that

when i die alone (i'll be on time) by catching_paper_moons

“You good?” Lucy asks. Buck swallows, scrubbing his hands over his face.

“Yeah.” His voice cracks on the word. “Yeah, I’m off shift in 30, so.” He sends her a smile. “I’m good.”

Lucy frowns and takes a seat next to him. “You seem a little…” She trails off, waving her hands in front of his face. “You know.”

He raises an eyebrow at her, blinking. “Uh-huh.”

“Down.” She turns to face him. “You gonna go see your boys after this?”

(or 5 times buck has a talk about life with everyone but the person he should talk about life with, and one time he finally does)

you can also find all of my bookmarks here! i only ever bookmark fics if i want to reread them or recommend them so there are plenty of other gems here 💖

[on-maars]

Another Place

Literally I haven’t been able to stop screaming since ep2 came out and I needed to write something

Read on AO3

Bobby is halfway through the third part of The Outsider when he hears a sharp noise followed by a curse coming from the fire station's kitchen. He sits up straight on his chair and even though the voice comes as a whisper, the door to his office is still ajar and Bobby can recognize some Spanish he learned back when he was in high-school.

It’s Eddie then, who always tends to resort to Spanish when he wants to curse or complain about something to himself.

Bobby puts down his book on his desk, stands up and opens his office door a bit wider so he can take a few steps inside the kitchen. The room is plunged into darkness but Bobby can still catch sight of Eddie’s silhouette, standing in front of a box of herbal tea, his eyebrows furrowed, as if he’s currently facing the most complicated dilemma of his entire life.

“Can’t sleep?” Bobby asks and makes Eddie jump with surprise, letting go of the mug he was holding in his right hand. And Bobby might be over 40 but his reflexes are still good and he managed to catch it before it breaks on the floor.

“Shit Bobby, you scared the hell out of me. Thought I was the only one awake.” Eddie says but his voice seems sad, almost dejected.

“Nightmares?” Bobby asks. After all, Eddie’s been through a lot for the past few months, it would only makes sense for his sleep to still be haunted by the memories of the shooting.

“More like insomnia.” Eddie corrects him, his eyes still down. “There’s just stuff I can’t get out of my head, you know.”

“Stuff about the shooting?” Bobby says calmly, but that’s enough for Eddie’s face to wince in pain.

“Among other things.”

“Why don’t you go sit down on the couch and let me take care of it?” He offers. Eddie’s hand stops in mid air and his shoulders eventually slumped as his heads nods, retreating back from the kitchen with a heavy step.

Bobby fills the kettle with water and turns it on before opening the box of herbal tea still on the counter. It’s an old box, supposed to help you sleep, one of those things he brought from home a few years ago when he realized it wasn’t much use back there. He places the tea bag in the mug, opens the drawer to grab a spoon and half a sugar cube. His movements are robotic, like he’s done that a thousand times in the past. And he did, back when his nights were filled with nightmares.

He lets out a sigh and leans against the fridge, looking at Eddie out of the corner of the eye. He’s seated on the armchair, his eyes fixed on the ground, the same haunted look Bobby saw him with a few times already during this past few weeks.

The light turns off on the kettle, and Bobby pours the water in the mug, before making his way towards the ‘living room’ area where he places the tray on the coffee table.

“Wanna talk about it?” Bobby asks as he takes on the seat on the couch.

“It’s just-” Eddie starts but marks a pause, like he’s not sure how to say the next few words. “Just stuff I- I try very hard not to think about. Or just bury- bury somewhere in my brain but-”

“It keeps coming back?” Bobby offers and smiles when Eddie just nods quietly as he takes a sip of his herbal tea. “Does it have anything to do with your panic attacks?”

Eddie’s mouth turns up at the edges but he presses his lips together in a straight line just as fast.

“How do you know about them?” Eddie asks, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

“I have my ways.” Bobby answers with a hint of amusement.

“Let me guess.” Eddie starts. “Buck?” And even though the words come out as a question, Bobby knows there’s no real need to answer. He still nods though, and smiles when Eddie rolls his eyes with a fond expression. “They were because of Ana.”

“The panic attacks?” Bobby asks, his eyebrows raised in confusion. “Were?” He adds. “You don’t have them anymore?”

“No.” Eddie shakes his head. “We broke up.” He adds. “I was trying to make it work for Christopher’s sake. Thought he loved her. And he liked her okay but turns out he was only going along with it because he thought she made me happy.” Eddie tells him, a sad laugh escaping his lips.

“And she didn’t?” Bobby encourages him. “Make you happy, that is.”

Eddie opens his mouth like he wants to say something but stops himself from doing so the next second. There’s a small silence after that. Eddie’s eyes are staring into space, his forehead wrinkled in concern, like he’s hopping that if he thinks about it long enough, an answer is going to magically appear in front of him.

“It was nice.” He starts and Bobby raises his eyebrows, unimpressed. “It just wasn’t working.” Eddie adds. “Couldn’t have worked.” He precises. “Not when I-” He marks a pause again, and closes his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and his index. “I guess my heart just wasn’t in it.”

Bobby says nothing for a while. He just smiles. Because he knows where Eddie drives at. It’s been a long time coming, after all. All the looks, the soft glances, the sweet gestures. All the signs were there, and they were clear. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that what these two shared went beyond friendship.

“Have you talked to Buck about it, Eddie?” Bobby asks, his voice gentle.

Eddie flushes, and looks away. Because Bobby’s not only asking him if he talked to Buck about his break-up with Ana. No, in fact he’s asking a lot more than just that. And Eddie knows it. He’s just not sure he’s ready to go there.

“I... I did.” Eddie says, and closes his eyes again. “I mean I- I told him about Ana but I think he knows that… That it’s not only about the break up.” He adds. “It’s never been only about the break up, Bobby.” He admits. “It’s never been only about Ana.”

“I know.” Bobby smiles.

“He broke up with Taylor.” Eddie blurts out and Bobby’s not one to gossip about other people’s relationship because, ultimately, that’s their business and he’d hate to interfere with any of that. But as he sits there on that couch, watching Eddie, there’s only one thing that comes to his mind.

Freaking finally.

“So the ball’s in your court now, isn’t it?” Bobby asks.

“I guess it is, yeah.” Eddie answers, darting his eyes towards him before looking away just as fast. “And you know I was- I was waiting for the right time but…”

Bobby’s mouth turns up at the edges once again.

“I’m just so freaking tired of waiting, Cap.” Eddie finally says, and one of these rare soft smiles only reserved to Buck breaks in on his face. “I- I want this. Us.”

“I think everyone’s tired of waiting, Eddie.” Bobby remarks with a hint of amusement in his voice. “Tell him.” He adds. “After all we both know how he’s gonna react.”

“It’s- it’s gonna be good, right?” Eddie asks, his voice uncertain, a part of him still doubting. Bobby rolls his eyes and lets out a small laugh.

“Eddie, it’s Buck.” He reminds him. “He’s gonna be like a kid on Christmas morning.” He adds. “That boy loves you two to the moon and back.”

And, as if summoned, Buck chooses this moment to appear on top of the stairs, his eyes sleepy and his hair disheveled making his blond curls go in every direction. Bobby watches him as he shuffles towards them, and doesn’t miss the way his eyes light up when they fall on Eddie.

“Hey Eds.” He says, his voice soft, taking a seat on the arm of the chair Eddie's seated on. “You okay? I woke up and you- well you weren’t on your bunk.”

Bobby gives Eddie a knowing look and stands up, retreating back in his office once again, only this time he makes sure to lock the door behind him. He can still hear the muffled words coming from the living-room but nothing he can actually make sense of.

He lets his back rest on the backrest of his chair and goes back to his reading. It’s almost five in the morning now, and Bobby doesn’t see the appeal of trying to get a few hours sleep, especially now that they’ve been unbothered by any calls for a bit more than two hours. It’s certainly not going to last forever.

He finds himself so engrossed in his reading that the next thing he knows, a bit more than half an hour has passed and the kitchen is now dead quiet. The first sunbeams light up the fire station and Bobby decides that now is as good a time as any to start on breakfast.

Only, what he sees when he goes back inside the kitchen makes him stop in his tracks and smiles. Because there they are passed out on the couch, their legs intertwined and Eddie’s head pressed on the other’s chest while Buck has wrapped his left arm around Eddie’s waist while his right hand is buried in his black hair.

“Oh god.” He can hear Hen say from the top of the stairs. “Is this really happening?” She asks and Bobby only chuckles while shaking his head in disbelief.

“I guess it is.” He says.

“Holy shit.” This time, it’s Chimney’s turn to curse. “I’m calling Maddie.” He adds.

“Chim, it’s 5am.” Hen remarks.

“Oh trust me if I wait any longer I think she’ll punch me.”

“I’m taking a picture for the group-chat.” Ravi intervenes behind Chimney and Bobby only watches them from the kitchen with an amused smile.

“Guys come on, let them sleep for a while okay? They deserve it.”

“We’re not sleeping.” Buck’s voice comes from behind the couch. Bobby can’t see him but he can only picture the exasperated expression on his face.

“Not anymore.” Eddie adds.

Bobby rolls his eyes and turns his back on them to face the oven while chaos suddenly erupts in the fire station.

With a sigh and an amused smile, he starts on breakfast.

[babygirl-diaz]

Hey if you’re taking request/ideas for a JEALOUS!Bucky Sambucky fic i have an idea.

Bucky and Sam aren’t together yet, but Torres confides (or Bucky finds out) that Torres likes Sam (come on the flirty banter between Torres and Sam in Ep1 was so fun and so cute!) Bucky obviously gets jealous cause he thinks Sam would date Torres over him(even though Sam sees Torres as a kid/protege).

Sam has to tell Bucky he’s an idiot, as usual, and the two get together.

((Sorry this took me like over a month, anon! I had writer's block for the longest time. Anyway, I hope you like it!

A big thank you to @redwingsupportgroup for helping me with the plot!))

***

Bucky loved watching Sam soar through the sky. He never seemed more like himself than when he was up in the clouds, flying around like an angel. He looked like an angel, too. An angel that Bucky was in love with.

Bucky was actually about to confess his love to Sam today when Sam’s Air Force buddies put a dent in his plan.

“Hey, Barnes! Over here!” One of them, Eddie, called him over while he was watching Sam train Torres.

Bucky wasn’t too keen on being cordial with these guys, but they were nice enough that he gave up and went over to where they were hanging out.

After a round of handshakes and claps on the back, they finally told him why they had called him over.

“We’re making a bet over here. You want in?” Jason, one of the other pilots, asked.

“Bet on what?” Bucky asked, confused.

“How long till Torres tells Sam how he feels about him?”

Bucky felt the earth shift right from under his feet. “W- what?”

“What?” Asked Evan. “Didn’t you know? I mean, it’s kinda obvious, man. Joaquin is gone for Sam.”

The rest of their gang agreed and laughed as Bucky’s heart broke over here. Bucky looked up at the sky where Sam was training Torres and frowned.

“Jokes apart, I think they’d make a great couple,” said Jason. “Torres is great for Sam. Perfect in fact.”

“Yeah, can’t argue with that,” Evan agreed. “I mean, there’s the age gap, but I guess love doesn’t care about age.”

“Who cares about an age gap,” Liam, another pilot, chimed in. “Torres will keep Sam happy, and that’s what matters. After everything Sam went through with Riley, the man deserves happiness.”

Bucky couldn’t argue with that. Sam deserved all the happiness in the world. And if Torres was the one to give it to him, then so be it. Bucky could deal with his own heartbreak. Though what was he supposed to do about the jealousy that was rearing its ugly head? The idea of Sam and Torres made Bucky see red. It made Bucky want to take Sam far away from here and away from Torres.

“Barnes!”

“Huh?” Bucky looked up to find Jason giving him a suspicious look.

“You okay, man?” Jason continued to ask.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Bucky lied and offered him a tight smile.

“So I was asking if you were in?” Eddie asked.

“In what?”

“The bet!” Eddie laughed, clapping him on the back.

“Nah, man, I’m out,” Bucky gave them a polite. “I’ll see ya guys around.”

“Wait, you’re not gonna wait for Sam?” Liam asked.

“Nah, it seems like he’ll be long,” Bucky replied. “I’ll catch him back at the hotel.”

***

“Great job out there, man, you’re getting good at this,” Sam praised Joaquin once they finished training and changed into their streetwear.

Joaquin laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks, Sam. What can I say, you’re an amazing teacher.”

Sam beamed at him. “Anyway, I’ll see ya next week, yeah?”

“I’ll be here!” Joaquin told him excitedly

As Sam walked away, he came across his Air Force friends inside the hanger. He approached them, intending to say hi when he overheard their conversation. That made him hide behind a pillar.

“Do you think Joaquin told Sam?” Evan was asking.

“I still say it will take at least a month for Torres to admit that he’s in love with him,” said Liam.

Sam’s jaw dropped slightly when he heard that. Joaquin was in love with him? That couldn’t be true. He gave no indication that he was in love with him. These guys had to have it wrong.

“Nah, man, Torres has waited too long. He’ll do it tonight,” Jason chimed in. “So be ready to pay up.”

Pay up?!

Sam stormed over to the group, who immediately stopped talking when they saw him approach.

“Oh, hey Sam!” Liam greeted him cheerfully.

“Don’t ‘hey Sam’ me,” Sam retorted.

“I’m guessing you heard all of that?” Jason said, scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah, all of it,” Sam replied. “Y’all are betting on when Joaquin will tell me he loves me?” Sam huffed. “That’s just messed up.”

“Sorry,” all of them said in unison and had the sense to look down in embarrassment.

“What Joaquin feels or doesn’t feel for me is none of your business,” Sam told them.

“We were just having a bit of fun,” Liam tried justifying their actions.

“Not at my expense, you’re not,” Sam informed him. “Who else is involved in the betting pool?”

“No one,” Eddie replied. “We asked Barnes, but he turned us down…”

Bucky. Bucky knew. He knew about the bet and Joaquin’s crush and he didn’t tell him. Some best friend he was.

“Before you go off on Barnes,” said Jason, as if reading his mind. “He just found out, like 30 minutes ago. And he turned us down.”

Sam would deal with Bucky later. Right now, he had to find Joaquin and set some things right.

Sam went off looking for Joaquin and found him in the parking lot. “Joaquin!” He ran up to the younger man, who grinned when he saw him.

“Hey, Sam. Forget something?”

“I think we need to talk,” said Sam.

The smile fell from Joaquin’s face when he probably noticed the serious look on Sam’s.

“What is it? Is everything okay?” Joaquin asked, worried.

“There is no easy way for me to ask this, man, but do you have feelings for me?”

Joaquin’s eyes widened and he spluttered. “W- what? Who told you that?”

“Is it the truth?” Sam asked

Joaquin looked like he was contemplating his answer. “Yeah, it is.” He replied awkwardly. “I love you, Sam.”

“Joaquin--”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Joaquin said sadly. “I know you don’t feel the same way. That’s why I never told you. You only see me as a mentee and a friend. And… you have feelings for Barnes.”

Okay, that last part was unexpected. “Bucky and I are not--”

Joaquin gave him a pointed look. “It’s obvious, Sam. You are clearly in love with him. I can see it in the way you look at him. You should tell him.”

“I can’t. It will ruin our friendship.”

Joaquin sighed and shook his head. “It won’t. He clearly feels the same way. The puppy dog look he gives you says it all.” Joaquin put a hand on Sam’s shoulder and gave him a sad smile. “Just because I can’t have the person I love doesn’t mean you can’t either. Take care. I will see you next week.” With that, he got into his car, leaving Sam standing there with a million different thoughts running through his head.

***

When Sam got back to the hotel, he didn’t find Bucky in their shared room. Knowing exactly where the super soldier went, Sam headed downstairs to the bar, and just as he had suspected, he found Bucky sitting in the far corner nursing a glass of whiskey.

“What’s the point of you drinking if you can’t get drunk?” Sam asked, approaching the other man.

“I like the taste,” Bucky grumbled. “You’re back early. Thought you’d be out with your friends… with Torres.” He said the last part so softly that Sam would have almost missed it had he not been standing so close.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the bet?” Sam asked

“I just found out today. Didn’t get the time to tell you,” Bucky replied and took a sip from his glass. He refused to look at Sam.

“So you know that Torres…”

“...Is in love with you?” Bucky scoffed. “Yeah.”

Sam sat down next to Bucky at the bar and sighed. “Buck--”

“Sam, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with him?”

“Why would I be with Joaquin?”

“Seeing how he is the love of your life and all,” Bucky retorted.

“He’s not the love of my life…” Sam trailed off.

“He’s not?” Bucky finally looked at him.

“No,” Sam replied.

“Well, he should be. He’s a great guy. He will be good for you.”

“But what if I don’t want a great guy? What if I want someone flawed and a complete dumbass?” Sam mumbled, leaning closer to Bucky.

Bucky searched his eyes for something before whispering, “Sam…”

“What if I want you?” Sam finally asked.

Without a word, Bucky surged forward and kissed him.

[thisissirius]

spoilers for 4x04.

five people who love buck unconditionally and the one to whom love can’t describe everything buck is firefam + buck (buck/eddie)

. protection

“I wanted her to tell you.”

Buck’s tried being mad at Chim. He’s been mad at Maddie and his parents, Chim, Eddie. Everyone and everything, even when they didn’t deserve it. “I know.”

If Buck remembers anything from the past few days it’s this; Chim batting for him, a solid barrier doing his best to stand by his girlfriend and Buck all at once.

“Can I ask you a question?” At Chim’s nod, Buck stares at his hands. “How did it feel when—Albert arrived and you knew your father loved him in ways he never could you?”

It’s an unfair question and Buck knows it. Chims expression shifts into discomfort and then something that Buck doesn’t wanna name.

“I’m sorry. That’s not fair.”

“Hey, no,” Chim says, reaching over and taking Buck’s arm. “I’m not offended that you asked. I can’t imagine—okay maybe I can a bit. It’s not a great feeling. I felt unloved. So not so different.”

Buck smiles, but there’s no humour in it. “Yeah. It sucks.”

“Except,” Chim continues, catching Buck’s eye and holding it. “That I’m not unloved. And neither are you.”

.buckaroo

Hen keeps watching him.

It’s fair. Buck keeps scaring everyone; not that he means to. Maybe he’s just that fucked that things will keep happening to him. Buck hopes not. He’s not sure there’s much left of him to take.

“You can ask.”

Hen raises her eyebrows. “Ask what?”

Buck waves a hand. “Whatever it is you wanna ask.”

“Buckaroo,” Hen says, and that name hurts. He ducks his head, feels an invisible hand squeeze his heart. Hen touches his thigh, squeezes. “Is it the name?”

“My mom doesn’t like nicknames,” Buck says, looking away. “She’s never liked that I call myself Buck. Chim had to call himself Howard just because he didn’t wanna put them out!”

Hen nods. She doesn’t move her hand. “I heard. Do you like the nickname?”

Buck nods. “I wouldn’t tell people that’s my name otherwise. I just feel—if I let everyone call me Evan, maybe she’d look at me for once and—“

“Love you?” Hen asks, her voice quiet.

Throat tight, Buck doesn’t know how to answer. He nods, feels his eyes burn with tears.

Hen shifts, sits on the couch next to him. “You’re my Buckaroo.”

Buck cries then, feels like it’s bursting out of him and through it all, Hen holds him.

.parental

Going into Bobby’s office never means anything good, but Buck finds some measure of comfort in it this time as he knocks on the door.

“Buck,” Bobby says with a smile. “I thought your first shift back wasn’t until—“

“It’s not,” Buck says, dropping into the chair opposite Bobby. “I wanted to talk to you. Well you and Athena but I didn’t wanna just turn up on your doorstep—“

Bobby raises an eyebrow. “That’s never bothered you before.”

“I haven’t doubted myself so much more,” Buck says before he can stop himself. At Bobby’s expression, he wipes a hand over his face. “Sorry that wasn’t meant to come out.”

“I’m glad it did.” Bobby pulls out his phone and Buck freezes, holds out a hand to stop him calling. The last thing Buck needs is to worry Eddie some more.

“You can’t call—“

“I’m calling Athena,” Bobby explains, but he smiles, amused. “Should I call someone else?”

Buck flushes, stares out of the glass to where he knows Hen and Chim are somewhere. To where Eddie is. “No.”

“Hmm.” Thankfully Bobby doesn’t say anything else. Buck waits, not even sure what Bobby’s calling Athena for, when the phone rings.

“Hey Baby,” Athena says.

“I have company,” Bobby says quickly, and Buck’s glad because no. He doesn’t wanna think about that.

“Oh?”

“Hey Athena,” Buck says, waving a hand even though she can’t see.

A pause. “Buckaroo! Where have you been?”

“Uh,” Buck starts.

“Bobby and I haven’t disappeared and I know you know where I live.”

Buck finds himself smiling, dropping his head. “I do.”

“Then I expect you on Saturday, you hear me?”

“I can’t,” Buck says. Before she can object, he continues, “I’m having dinner with Eddie and Chris.”

Athena makes a noise that Bobby shares. Buck deliberately doesn’t think about it. “Friday then. No objections.”

Buck meets Bobby’s eyes and smiles. “I don’t have any. I’ll see you Friday.”

“You better.” Athena’s tone is softer when she adds, “we love you, Buck, you know that right?”

Bobby holds his eyes and Buck feels warmth blossom up through him.

“I know.”

And he does.

.united

Buck takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. It takes a while, but then Maddie’s pulling it open. She looks upset, tired, and Buck feels awful. “I’m sorry.”

Maddie’s face crumples and Buck pushes into the apartment, taking her into his arms even as he shuts the door.

“I’m so sorry,” he says again, kissing the top of her head. “I said united front and left.”

Maddie shakes her head, pulling back. “You had every right.”

“Maybe,” Buck allows. “But I should have talked to you instead of ghosting you. I know how that feels after all.”

There’s a hint of a smile on Maddie’s face as they sit down. Neither of them knows quite what to say, but Buck reaches out, takes Maddie’s hand in his.

“You were nine,” he says slowly, squeezing her fingers. “What they asked you to do—you didn’t do anything wrong.” It’s taken a long time for him to be aware of that; a long time and people talking to him, letting him get everything out. Buck’s learning his support network is bigger than he thought.

Maddie nods, pressing a hand to her mouth.

“You’ve always had my back. You left,” he says, but shakes his head when she tries to talk. “I don’t mean—you left because you had to and I won’t hold that against you. I wish you had come to me sooner but I know why you didn’t, why you were scared.”

Looking hopeful, Maddie says, “if I could have taken you with me.”

“I know.” Buck smiles, less sadness in him than he’s had since their parents showed up. “You’ve always done what’s best for me, Maddie. I believe that. I love you.”

Again, Maddie starts to cry. “I do love you,” she says, pushing forward. The hug is awkward but Buck hangs on, kisses Maddie’s head. “I love you so much.”

.the gift

The Diaz kitchen is a mess when Buck enters. “Is this the right house?”

“No!” Chris pokes his head around the door. “You’re early!”

Over Chris’ head, Eddie looks—Buck wants to laugh. He’s got flour on one cheek, mixture on the other, and his hair is slick with—is that milk?

“Eddie,” Buck says around a laugh. Then, to Chris, he says, “what’s this for?”

Chris looks at his dad, then back to Buck. “You were sad the other day. I heard you crying but Dad was helping.” Buck’s chest seizes. Oh god. He never meant— “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but I don’t know why your parents didn’t get you birthday cakes, Bucky! I asked Dad to help me make one.”

Buck’s speechless. He looks up at Eddie, who’s smiling softly at Chris—and at Buck? Buck nods, reaches out for Chris’ shoulder. “That makes me really happy.”

“Good,” Chris says. “Because Dad says you have to show people you love them when they can’t hear it. Or don’t want to.”

Buck feels burning behind his eyes. How many times is he gonna cry this week? “Thanks, Christopher.”

His voice breaks, but he doesn’t have time to hide because Chris hugs him tightly. “I love you, Buck.”

Buck squeezes his eyes shut, breathes in Chris and says, “I love you too.”

Later, when they’re full of dinner and cake, Buck’s got a Diaz boy either side. Eddie’s been asleep for about a half hour, tipping closer to Buck with every movie scene. Chris is still wide awake, tucked under Buck’s arm.

“Did the cake make you happy?”

Buck smiles. “It did. Your dad can bake!”

“Abuela had to talk to him because he was going crazy!”

Buck can imagine it. Eddie flitting about the kitchen in a mood because he fails at anything oven related. “Well I’m glad she did.”

Chris laughs, hugs himself closer to Buck. “Were you sad because your parents are mean?”

Buck closes his eyes. To see the world through a child’s lens. “Yeah. They just—didn’t love me as much as your mom and dad loved you.”

Chris looks up at him and Buck hates that he’s gonna find out things that can hurt. Things like absence and disinterest. That he already has. “I can share Dad.”

“Chris,” Buck says, overcome., and kisses the top of his head. “You’re such a good kid, you know that?”

“Not always,” Chris complains, and Buck laughs.

“Most of the time.”

Eddie’s raised a good kid. Kindness that Eddie’s got buried deep, and despite his own parental issues, manages to bring his kid up that way. When he turns, Eddie’s looking at him. Buck’s stomach swoops. Eddie leans in, hugs Buck awkwardly. “We’ll talk when he’s in bed.”

It should be terrifying; Buck’s never liked those words, but while Eddie’s expression is intense, there’s more love and affection staring him in the face than he knows what to do with.

.mine

Buck feels calm despite what he knows is coming. Chris begs for a story from both of them, then Buck needs to leave the room. He tells them he needs the toilet but really he’s overwhelmed. Calm, but overwhelmed. Can you be both?

“Hey,” Eddie says, hovering in the doorway. “How was dinner with Bobby and Athena?”

Buck thinks back to the meal, to Bobby and Athena being themselves while still showing Buck he’s not alone. It’s a tough thing they’ve all decided to do, convincing Buck he’s loved. It’ll take time, but he doesn’t doubt them. He trusts them. “It was a lot. But I’m glad I went.”

Eddie nods, crosses the room to sit next to him. “And you? Any urge to punch things?”

Buck laughs, tips his head back against the couch. “No. Your advice was taken with enthusiasm.”

“Good.” Eddie’s quiet. He sits back, stares at his hands. “And you? What’s going on in that head?”

“Too much,” Buck admits. He sighs. “I feel better? Everyone’s being great. I know I’m loved.”

“But?”

Buck huffs. “Sometimes I hate that you know me so well.”

“No you don’t,” Eddie says, certain of himself.

Buck shakes his head, smiling. “No, I guess I don’t.” He looks at Eddie’s who’s staring back at him, closer than he was. “My whole life they’ve lied to me. Had me for one reason and then—forgot about me when I wasn’t what they wanted.”

“I know.”

“I just wanted them to love me,” Buck says.

“I know.”

They’ve had this conversation before and Buck hates that he’s still going over it, but he can’t make the thoughts stop. “How do I stop thinking about it?”

Eddie sighs, shifts closer so their arms are touching. “I don’t think you can. Maybe you try,” he amends. “But it’s always there, ready to take hold when you don’t want it to.”

“So what do I do?” Buck doesn’t know why he’s so desperate for Eddie to tell him.

“You deal with it,” Eddie says. “But you also give yourself other things; surround yourself with people who care, who love you. Find things you enjoy. Just—realise you’re more than your parents’ child.”

Buck nods, even though it’s hard to imagine he can ever do that. Eddie touches his face, bringing Buck’s head up.

“You’re so much more. The kindness you think I gave Chris? You have to know so much of it is from you as well. You have so much goodness in you, Buck, and I know it didn’t come from them. Which means it’s all you. Down to here.” Eddie presses a hand to his heart.

“It doesn’t feel like it,” Buck says, voice tight. “Sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing. Or who I am.”

“You’re Buck. A friend. A brother. An uncle,” Buck smiles. “A father.”

Buck freezes. “What?”

Eddie looks serious. “You’re everything I could hope for in anyone I choose to love, Buck. For Chris, I mean.” There’s a touch of red to Eddie’s face and ears. “If they could give him everything you give him, I’d be lucky.”

Buck swallows, suddenly nervous, and presses into Eddie’s hand against his cheek. “I’m messed up.”

“Yeah,” Eddie breathes. “But you’ve always been this,” he says, tapping Buck’s chest. “And I love you anyway.”

Oh. Buck hardly dares breathe. “I love you too.”

“The forever kind,” Eddie admits quietly. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”

“Okay,” Buck says. “Because I’d really like not to be alone.”

“Never,” Eddie promises.

Buck wonders later why they didn’t kiss, but in the moment, as Eddie holds him, nose nestled in his curls, everything feels as it should.

Right, for the first time—ever.

[libraryofloveletters]

Loss To Love

Eddie Diaz x Reader

Warnings: mentions of childbirth, disagreements

Category: Angst with a lil fluff 

Word Count: 3.4k

Author’s Note: some of the dialogue is the same as the first one because y/n and Eddie have similar versions of what happened. Basically Eddie’s version of what happened and lil something at the end. 

Part 1: Love To Loss

----

Was loss real ?

Did it ever stop hurting ?

All the pain and broken hearts and despair, was it all worth it if in the end, I got to come home to you ?

Last thing- last person he excepted to see was you. Living, breathing, in the flesh, right in front of him. He hadn't seen you in years, not that it was intentional but life got busy and you, of all people, knew that. Judging by the way Buck’s mouth hung open and the flickering looks between you and him, you had told them the story. Carla had the same look when he told her after she stumbled across a picture of the two of you with Christoper. 

Everything in him wanted to run over, wrap his arms around you and never let go again, but “what are you doing here ? How’d you find me?” came out instead. He was shocked to see you, your face mirroring the same look and you were the one that had come looking. 

“Uh- honestly I don’t know” you chuckled, “to which question ?” Eddie looked over at you

“Both” you gave him a smile. 

“Yeah, okay. You need to go, I have a shift” he tells you. “Eddie, we don’t have any calls right now. They can stay, I don’t have a problem with it” Bobby tells him, Eddie nods. “I get that Cap, but I have a problem with it” Eddie turns to you. “You need to go” he tells you again, you didn’t want to fight with him, especially in front of his team so you nodded. Turning back towards the team, you give them a smile, “it was nice to meet all of you” and you headed down the stairs. Eddie watched from the stairs, Buck pushing past him and shouting for you as he ran down the stairs towards you. Eddie stepped away from the stairs and moved to the balcony as you and Buck spoke. He watched as you smiled, scribbling something onto Buck’s hand, making him blush. Eddie’d be lying if he say he didn't have a twisted feeling of jealousy, his stomach twisting at the sight of the two of you. Everyone was looking at him, their eyes burning into his back but his focus was on you. 

Watching as you looked back once more, your eyes locking with his before you stepped out. “Eddie-” Bobby called, the alarm began blaring. 

Saved by the bell, thankfully. 

Bobby’s hand was on his shoulder, Eddie glanced back at his captain, “we’ll talk after, okay ?” Eddie just hummed, heading down the stairs to the rest of the team. Buck nudged his shoulder with his as they settled into the engine, “you alright man ?” he asks, his eyes on Eddie. Eddie knew what Buck was doing, he was trying to read him- his new hobby, annoying one it is - “I’m fine Buck, stop squinting at me. You’re going to hurt your eyes” Eddie gave him a small smile, brushing off Buck’s look. Buck hummed, the occasional glance at Eddie. Eddie’s mind was everywhere but on the call, he felt the engine rumble and the movement of the truck but his head was somewhere else. 

El Paso, 2008. 

His back tickled, someone’s finger brushing across it in his sleep. “Mhm Shan- stop” he mumbled, his brows furrowing in his sleep as he shifted. “Not Shannon-” your voice filled his ears, a smile now on his face. “just me” he felt the weight shift as he rolled over and onto your lap, making himself comfortable again. You were warm, not from the sun beating down on your skin but you were always warm and comfortable- safe, he felt safe when he was with you. 

“Come on sleepyhead” your fingers running through his hair. If he could stay in bed with you all day, he would but instead he groaned at your attempt to get him out of bed, “5 more minutes”

“You’ve been sleeping all day, mom says you gotta get up” Eddie flips onto his back, head still on your lap as he looks up at the ceiling. The room is quiet as he gets up out of bed, you speak first. “Do you really have to go ?” you ask him, sadness dripping from words, Eddie doesn’t turn around, his heart already breaking. “You know I do” he sighs, watching as you get up, the two of you packing his things in silence. 

“I don’t want you to leave” once again, the sadness dripping from your words. “And you think I want to leave ?” his words were harsher than expected. Eddie glances towards you, the look on your face was enough to make him look away. He didn't want to fight with you during his last day with you, but the two of you have had this exact conversation countless times, the only real conversation you’ve had recently. What he really wanted to tell you was that he was in love with his best friend, the person he grew up with, the person he had shared so many memories with, that he was in love with you. He sat on the bed, reaching for your hand, you hummed and turned your attention back to the clothes, he tugged slightly. You sat beside him, the room was quiet and the only noise was coming from the open window in his bedroom. 

“Y/n, I-” his sentence is interrupted when Sophia knocks on his door, sticking her head in the room. “Ed, Shannon’s here to see you” she pulls the door in halfway before leaving the two of you in the room. 

Shannon. 

He had forgotten about her. In that moment, the moment with you, Shannon didn’t occupy a single thought in his mind. 

Eddie looks at you, he opens his mouth to say something but you shake your head. “Go,” you breathe, “don’t keep her waiting” giving him a small smile. “Are you sure ?” he asks, his hand on your back. You hum, “I'll be out in a minute, I just have to call my parents” Eddie nods, leaving you in his room. Eddie walked into the living room, making himself comfortable on the recliner as Shannon walked into the living room with Sophia, Shannon took a seat on Eddie’s lap and pulled him into a hug. Sophia’s face screwed into a disgusted expression, Eddie shot her a glare as her attention moved to something else.

To you.

Eddie glanced at you, watching your expression as Shannon spoke to you. He knew you well enough to know when you were putting on a facade for everyone. Might be believable to them but not to him. “Why didn’t you call me ? I would have came” His girlfriend smiled at him, her nose pressed against his cheek. “Oh uh, yeah sorry” he mumbles, his eyes still on you. Giving you an apologetic look, you shrug slightly and head into the kitchen, telling his mom that you’re gonna set another place for dinner, for “Eddie’s girl” he hears you say. 

You weren't wrong, Shannon was his girl, but she wasn't the one he wanted. 

El Paso, 2011. 

Eddie had visited home a few times, most of the time was spent with family and Shannon. He wishes he spent more time with you every time he leaves, promising himself that he’d spend more time with you next time he came home.

He had a week’s leave before his next tour and this week was being spent with Shannon and the newest addition to their family, their son, Christoper. Eddie did call you earlier in the day to tell you Shannon had given birth and you promised to stop by. 

“He's perfect” Shannon whispered, admiring Christoper who was asleep currently. Eddie hums, smiling at the little boy. The sound of your voice caught his attention, he glanced at Shannon who was looking at him, and it seemed that she heard you too. Eddie excused himself from his wife, stepping into the hallway. 

“Y/n!” he shouted from the end of the hallway. He watched you press the visitor’s badge onto your shirt and walk over to him. “Eddie! or should I say dad?” you smiled at him, wrapping your arms around him. 

God it felt good to have you back in his arms. 

“Congratulations on the baby, you're a baby yourself, I can't believe you have a kid” you teased, giving his face a little squeeze as the two of you walked in. Eddie’s arm was over your shoulder and your arm around his waist as the two of you entered the room. Shannon’s look was burning a hole in Eddie, she knew the two of you were close but it didn’t mean that she had to like it. The look was enough for Eddie to let go and take a step to the side. She gave you a smile, “nice of you to come by y/n” 

“Of course, hope you don’t mind”

“Oh no, of course not! You’re Eddie’s best friend”

The baby began crying, “he’s got a pair of lungs on him huh ?” you chuckled, Eddie smiled as he picked up Christoper. Eddie rocked the little boy in his arms, humming quietly, all eyes on him. You were in the corner by the chair when Eddie turned to you, “do you want to hold him?” Eddie stepped towards you, Chris had settled now. “Um, yeah” taking a seat in the chair, he handed Chris off to you. You smiled at the little boy in your arms, Eddie’s heart swelling at the sight of you with his son in your arms. Eddie sat on the end of the bed when you smiled at them, “the two of you have a beautiful little boy” 

Yeah, the two of them. He and Shannon had a beautiful little boy, not you and him like he had always envisioned. 

El Paso, 2017. 

Eddie returned to the kitchen after giving Chris the ice cream and headed straight to the fridge to get a beer. “I take it dinner didn’t go well ?” you ask, sitting on the counter. Eddie let out a chuckle, “well wasn't even in the house tonight”

“What happened ?” taking the beer from him and taking a sip of it.

“They think it's a bad idea to move across the country with a kid, that Chris needed stability and apparently- they’re the only stability he’s ever had.” Eddie groaned. He couldn't believe his parents. He knew they wanted to help but Christopher was his son and the choice was his. 

“And you're sure you want to do this ? Move to LA?” 

Eddie’s brows furrowed, he looked at you. “What do you mean? Are you siding with them ?”

“No, of course not. I’m just asking if you're sure if you want to move”

“Of course I am. I need to get out of here, Chris needs a change, somewhere that doesn’t constantly remind him of his mother.” he sighed. Shannon upped and left them. It was hard at first, he missed a big part of Chris’s life, he basically had to figure it out as he went and he did a damn good job if he said so himself. 

“Eds, you know if you move you’ll be on your own. I don’t agree with your parents, you should be able to take Chris wherever you want but you won’t have the help you have here. You have your parents and me and Chris has his friends, are you sure you want to do this ?”

“Are you going to stop me ? Like you tried to stop me when I enlisted ?” he grumbled. Your expression dropped, his words hurt you. He felt like he did when he enlisted for the first time. “How could you say that ? I didn’t try to stop you, I just didn’t want you to leave, which was the truth by the way.” you roll your eyes. 

“Listen, I just came here for you to say bye to Chris because we're leaving tomorrow” Eddie begins walking out of the kitchen, you grab his hand. “What ? That’s it? We're going to leave things like this ? You being mad for no reason ?”

“You’re the one that doesn’t want me to move on” Eddie’s voice raised slightly

“Are you kidding me?! Did I try to stop you ?” your voice raises as well. Eddie pulls his hand from yours, he waited for Chris to say bye to you. His heart sank into his chest as he went. He and Chris stepped out and you followed them, watching as they got into the truck. Eddie watched you, watching them expect you couldn't see that through the tint of the truck. 

---- 

The call went like clockwork, Eddie on autopilot the whole time. The team could tell that Eddie was off the entire time, his mind was elsewhere. Not ideal considering they could use all the hands they could get but Cap didn’t bother Eddie, leaving him to tend to the wounded with Hen while Chimney stepped in for him.

Upon arriving back, Eddie excused himself from the team and headed to the locker room. The shift was almost over and he just wanted to get out of there. Bobby and Buck stood by the truck, “should I-” Buck whispers, Bobby nodded. “Give him some time first. Eddie’ll come around, he always does” Bobby patted his back, leaving him by the truck. Buck was going towards the stairs but made a beeline to the locker room instead. “Hey,” he knocked on the wall, Eddie looking over at him. “What’s up?” Eddie asks, buttoning the sleeve of his shirt. 

“Just wanted to see if you were alright,” Buck took a seat on the bench, looking towards Eddie. “Your mind seemed to be elsewhere on the call” Eddie hummed, his attention on his locker. Buck sat quietly, his eyes burning a hole into Eddie, studying his body language. Eddie just wanted to go home, home to Christoper, to his safe space, where no one could reach him, where he could spend the rest of his day in bed thinking- thinking about you. 

It always came back to you. 

“What were you two talking about ?” Eddie asked, his curiosity getting the best of him. Buck hummed, brows furrowed, “me and ?” 

“You and y/n. What were you two talking about? You stopped them on the their way out” 

“I promised them I'd try and reason with you. Gave me their address and number.” 

“Give me” Eddie pulled his phone from his pocket. Buck looked down at his hand, the pen ink smudged and the words illegible. Letting out a sigh, he showed his hand to Eddie who also let out a sigh. “I’m sorry man, I should have taken a picture of it or written-” “it’s cool. I’ll figure it out. I’m going head home, you’re working tomorrow ?” picking up his bag, Buck nods, “then I'll see you tomorrow” 

Eddie made it to his truck but not without the feeling of guilty heavy on his shoulders. He barely made it into the truck before it began raining, heavy rain and thunder. This day couldn't get any worse he thought, the lighting lit up the sky. 

You’ve got to be kidding me. 

He pulled his phone out to call Carla, letting her know that he’s going to stop at the store on his way home. Scrolling through his contacts to find her name, his mind flickered back to you. He had gotten a new number but did you ? 

Your name was still on the list, the contact untouched for the last 2 years. There were so many times he had opened the contact, his finger hovering above the number but Christopher called for him or he couldn't bring himself to call you- what would he even say to you ? “sorry to being an ass and leaving oh also I'm in love with you and have been for years” - yeah some call that would have been. His finger tapped the edge of his phone case, his eyes fixated on the rain pouring outside. The sound of a line trilling caused him to pull his eyes away from the rain and to the phone. 

Shit. It was calling, well I guess this was it. 

He could hang up but he couldn't bring himself to hit the button. A regular occurrence for him. 

“Hello ?” your voice called from the other end of the line, echoing through the empty truck. 

“Y/n” he breathed, came out almost so quietly he didn’t hear it himself 

“Eddie ?”

“Can we talk ? I can pick you up if you’re not busy ?” he couldn’t believe the words that were leaving his mouth 

“Yeah, did Buck give you the address ?”

“No, it smudged. Only the number was readable” he lied, you hummed. 

“I’ll text it to you. I'll be waiting” you tell him before hanging up. His phone buzzing in his hand, a text from you appearing at the top. It was a while before he pulled out of the parking lot, he had to think – he wasn't sure what he was going to say to you or if he was even going to say anything to you but he knew he had to see you. The way he left things – he didn’t like it but he didn’t know if they were fixable. 

You were leant against the building when he pulled up, making your way over to the car as the rain soaked the top of your shirt slightly. “Hey,” you smiled, looking over at him. “Can I drive ? I just- can I ?” he asked you, you hummed. “Anything’s fine with me” you tell him, shifting your attention to the passing buildings as Eddie drives. He drove around the block a few times, after the first 2 times you realized you were going in circles. 

“Eddie, is everything ok-” 

“I’m in love with you.” 

Silence. 

Silence was a major factor in your relationship with Eddie. Comfortable silence, awkward silence, unspoken feelings and thoughts, movements made in the dead silence of the night.

Eddie kept driving, he didn't wait for any answer nor did he mean to blurt it out like that. He didn’t even know if you were seeing someone, he didn't care because it was true, he was in love with you. 

“Eddie,” you sigh, your lips curving upwards into a smile. “I’m in love with you too” 

His foot hit the breaks as your hand reached for the dash to keep you from falling forward. The two of you looking at each other, no words but comfortable silence. Eddie’s hand cradled your hand, your hand wrapped around his wrist. 

“Can I kiss you?” he whispers as he leans towards you

“Do you really have to ask?”

“Well- yeah I mean I should-” “just shut up and kiss me already” 

His lips finally met yours. Eddie’s heart pounding in his chest, only focusing on how soft your lips felt against his- the need for you urging him to pull closer. This was the moment the two of you had been dreaming about since the day you shared in his room before he left, the one that was supposed to fix everything. The raw emotions of love, lust, loss and need all wrapped into one kiss- this kiss. 

He pulls away only for a moment - to catch his breath. He looked at you, his hand still cradling your face, just to make sure you weren't a fiction of his imagination. Eddie’s arm wrapped around you as his lips met yours again halfway. 

Forehead to forehead, “you have no idea how long I've wanted to tell you” he whispers. “Mhm, I think I do” you chuckle softly, Eddie flashes you a smile. 

“I love you so much that it hurts” he breathes 

“I know the feeling” you smile. 

Love to Loss to Love again. All the pain and broken hearts and despair, was it all worth it if in the end, I got to come home to you ? 

Yeah, it was. 

---- 

Taglist: @ssa-volturi​ @advicefromnixxxx​ @keenmarvellover​ @mikaelson-emma​ @beth-winchester21​ @averyhotchner​ @fernandaweasley2​ @yikesyikesyikes95​ 

tagging those that wanted a part 2: @wanniiieeee​ @pandq707  @shipshipshipau​ @eternalharry​ @lost-willow​ 

[diazevan]

this is my family

Nobody can keep secrets from Christopher Diaz.

Christopher Diaz Week, Day 2: Chris and his extended family + “Just don’t tell your dad.”

Read on AO3

Christopher knew when his dad was lying; when he spoke, he would frown, his eyebrows connected in the middle.

Aunt Pepa did the same. So did Abuelo.

Christopher wondered if did it too, but he couldn’t check; not even in the mirror because when he lied to himself, it wasn’t the same as lying to other people.

Christopher couldn’t tell when Buck was telling a lie, his face didn’t screw up or change, his voice didn’t either.

When Buck had once jumped off the couch, chasing Christopher and Denny, telling them that he had X-Ray vision, his face looked the same as always. Even though it wasn’t true, he was only playing pretend.

Then Christopher caught Buck talking to Aunt Pepa in the kitchen, the pair of them grinning wide while keeping their voices super quiet. When Christopher walked inside, they stopped and started talking about work.

Christopher knew they had a secret.

Before Christopher’s dad or Buck could leave for work, Christopher grabbed Buck’s arm, “Do you have a secret?”

Buck hummed as he pressed his hands together, “No, I don’t think so.”

Christopher hummed, not sure if that was true or not, “Okay.”

Buck ruffled his hair, “See you later, Superman.”

“Bye!”

Christopher’s dad slid across the floor, onto his knees, pulling Christopher into his arms, “Have fun with Tía.” He leaned back, pushing his hand back through Christopher’s hand, “We’ll see you tomorrow night.”

Christopher grinned, “See you, Dad.”

“Yesss…” Buck was scrolling on his phone, “Bobby’s making waffles for breakfast.”

“Let’s get to them before Chim does,” Eddie laughed, he grabbed Buck’s hand as he swung the front door open, “Bye!”

Christopher ran over to the window to watch them as their car pulled off the driveway onto the street.

Pepa spoke up, “Do you want to watch a movie, mi amor?”

Christopher turned, “Can we watch Lilo and Stitch?”  

She smiled, “Of course.”

He made his way into the lounge, jumping onto the couch, grabbing his feet as he crossed his legs; Pepa turned on the television, scrolling through to Disney Plus.

She clicked on the movie before didn’t press start, “Should I get us some popcorn?”

“Yes!” Christopher threw up his arms in the air, “Please.” He got up onto his feet, “I’m gonna put on my PJs.”

“Good plan,” She smiled as she danced into the kitchen. Christopher raised his eyebrows; Pepa seemed happy, but more than normal.

After getting changed into his Spider-Man pyjamas, he jumped back on the couch, grabbing one of the blankets to lay across his lap.

Pepa bought over the bowl of popcorn, placing it on the table when she sat next to him, “You ready to watch?” She asked, still smiling.

Christopher shook his head.

She tilted her head, “Why not?”

Christopher held up his hands, “Do you know a secret?”

“No.” Pepa frowned, her eyebrows together, but she didn’t stop smiling, “I don’t.”

He knew it, “Yes you do.”

“Amor—”

Christopher put things together like a jigsaw, “Is it about Buck?”

She didn’t stop frowning, “No.”

“You were talking about it—” Christopher pointed, “In the kitchen.”

Pepa folded her arms over her chest, shaking her head, “I can’t tell you.”

Christopher jumped, “Please, please, please!”

“Christopher….”

“I won’t tell no one!”

“I’m sorry, mi amor, I can’t tell you,” She sighed, “Buck is gonna ask you tomorrow.”

Christopher leaned his back against the couch, as he thought. Ask? She didn’t say ‘tell,’ she said ‘ask’ and that was weird. What would Buck need to ask him? It was something happy, Christopher knew that; something good, not bad.

Since they started dating, Christopher’s dad and Buck asked him if he was all right with everything. If he was okay that they were boyfriends, all right with Buck moving into their house, and the answer to every single question was a big ‘YES!’

A cartoon lightbulb popped into Christopher’s head, “Does—” He stretched his arms, “Does Buck wanna marry Dad?”

Pepa squeaked, placing her chin under her chin, not saying a word.

“Is that the secret?”

“Hmmm…” She shook her head, nudging his side, “You’re too clever.” She squeezed his arm, “Just don’t tell your dad.”

Christopher rocked forward, excited, “I won’t.” He raised his pinkie finger like he saw Buck and Maddie do all the time, “Promise.”

Pepa linked her pinkie around his, “Gracias.”

***

Christopher couldn’t stop thinking about the secret; he didn’t ask Pepa any questions because he knew she wasn’t meant to say anything.

Buck would be his dad’s husband and that would mean he would be Christopher’s second dad; he already was, but this would mean that everybody else would know too. He could become Christopher Diaz Buckley or Christopher Buckley Diaz.

That would be so cool.

Christopher couldn’t wait and he already knew that his dad would say ‘yes.’

He was laying in bed, waiting for them to get home from their shift.

He’d spent a whole day, dreaming about a wedding, it would be so fun, and he couldn’t wait.

When he heard their voices outside, he jumped up in bed, wearing his widest smile.

“Hey, buddy,” His dad headed inside, closing the door behind him, “How are you?” He skipped over, taking Christopher’s hands.

“Good.”

“You have a nice time?” Eddie asked, running a hand through Christopher’s hair, “And did you do your homework?”

“Yes and yes!”

“Well done.” He got up, sitting at the end of the bed, with his legs crossed, “I need to ask you a question.”

Christopher whispered, copying his dad’s quiet voice, “What question?”

His dad smiled, wide, “Would you be okay if Buck and I got married?”

Christopher didn’t smile. Instead, he hummed, confused; he thought maybe Buck has already asked but that wouldn’t make any sense, because his dad was whispering.

“Buddy?” Eddie turned serious, “Is that not something—”

“Did he ask you?”

“No.” Eddie was telling the truth, “But I wanna ask him.”

Christopher shouted accidentally, “You can’t!”

His dad looked sad, “Okay…”

“You can’t ask him—”

“Bud, if you’re not ready for us—”

Christopher tapped his dad’s arm, “No, you can’t because he’s going to ask you.”

His dad stared at him, his mouth falling open, “Did—”

“Buck told Pepa, and I worked it out by myself,” He told him, “It was meant to be a secret.”

“Oh.” Eddie sighed, shocked, “Wow.”

“Sorry.”

His dad laughed, hand pressed against his belly, “Oh, don’t be sorry, amor.” He pressed a kiss on his forehead, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

There was a knock at the door.

Eddie called, “Come in.”

“What’s going on in here, then?” Buck asked, swinging the door open, “A secret meeting that I wasn’t invited to?”

“I told him that you wanna marry him!” Christopher couldn’t hold it inside, “On accident.”

He could hear Pepa yelp from the kitchen.

Buck turned his head towards his boyfriend, “Oh.”

“Is that—” Eddie squeaked, “Is that true?”

“Ummmm…” Buck pressed his hands together, “No.”

“Yeah, you do!” Christopher raised his arms over his head with a laugh; so that was it, Buck played with his hands when he lied.

Buck scratched his head, “I had a plan—”

“So did I,” Eddie said back.

“I like this better.”

“Same…” Eddie hummed as he reached for Buck’s arm, pulling him into a kiss.

Christopher chuckled before sticking out his tongue and saying, “Eww...”

“Ew?” His dad turned his head, “Did you say ew?” He jumped onto the bed, tickling Christopher, with a laugh.

Buck jumped onto the end of the bed, joining them, ending up, squished together in a group hug.

Pepa stepped inside, smiling, “I'm guessing congratulations are in order?”

Eddie spoke, happier than ever, "Yeah, they are.”

Pepa opened her arms, and Buck was the first on his feet, welcoming the hug; Eddie scooped Christopher up before joining the hug. Christopher leaned his head on top of Buck’s as he smiled.

Nobody could keep secrets from Christopher Diaz.

[doeeyeseddie]

coda/missing scene to 4x05 because i, once again, had too many feelings. read on ao3

Eddie Diaz is good at compartmentalizing. He’s great at it, at putting his emotions in a box and locking it to focus on the task at hand. Needs to be good at it to be able to do his job, be it in the army or now, as a firefighter. He doesn’t get to panic when one of his coworkers is in danger.

He still nearly loses it when he and Bobby hear that Buck’s still in the factory.

It’s not a surprise, not really - of course Buck disobeyed a direct order to make sure every last person gets out alive, and of course he doesn’t think about himself. It’s one of the things Eddie loves him for. But the sheer terror of hearing Buck explain over the radio that there’s no way out almost overrides his training. Almost.

For a second, he’s ready to run right back in, on his own if he has to, to find Buck and get him out, somehow, he has to-

Then Buck is on the radio, alive, still okay, and the incident commander tells him that a rescue team is coming in to find them, and Eddie forces himself to stay calm and focused, to be of help where he can be the most useful. And then the factory blows behind them.

Chimney, Hen, Cap, him, they all spin around in shock and Eddie can just stare at the balls of fire and the smoke billowing, feeling paralyzed. The rational part of his brain is already clocking that it wasn’t the whole factory, probably just one of the tanks full of flammable gas, and probably not anywhere near where Buck is, even though he didn’t seem sure about where that was over the radio. His heart, hammering against his ribs, takes a little longer to catch up and Eddie has to press his shaking hands against his thighs for a second.

He’s got himself under control by the time they’re being sent in.

Outside of the factory, he can’t bring himself to look at Buck for too long. He’s over by an ambulance with Bobby, having been checked over quickly, and the look on his face is something Eddie doesn’t quite know how to deal with. But he’s got Bobby there, and Hen, so Eddie has to trust he’ll be fine.

He and Chim checked the victim over, giving him oxygen and getting him ready to be transported to the hospital. He’ll probably be fine in a few weeks, the smoke inhalation shouldn’t have caused lasting damage, and his leg is clearly broken but not crushed. Buck saved his life.

“Tell your friend,” Saleh says on a cough, gripping Eddie’s arm after they’ve moved him onto the ambulance, “thank you. Thank you.”

“I’ll tell him,” Eddie promises, fixing the oxygen mask over his face again. “Breathe.”

They ride in the back of the ambulance mostly in silence, checking Saleh’s vitals and focusing all of their energy on him.

It’s only on the way back to the station that Chimney says, “So that was a bit too close for comfort, huh?”

Eddie lets out a humourless laugh. “You could say that.”

“You think he should’ve been working today?”

“I think,” Eddie says slowly, “that he needed to not be alone with his thoughts today. And I don’t think he could’ve done his job any better today.”

“Yeah, no, he did everything right,” Chimney says hurriedly, “that’s not what I meant. I just...worry about him.”

Eddie looks at his drawn eyebrows and hunched shoulders and thinks about the way Chimney has been acting around Buck for the past few days, like he’s walking on eggshells, careful but ready to jump to his defence at any time, and knows he’s being honest. “Yeah, me too.”

The way Buck called himself spare parts, defective parts this morning is still echoing in his head. He didn’t know what to say or do to make Buck feel better, still doesn’t. Whenever he’s tried to talk about any of it for the past few days, Buck has been quick about brushing him off, with humor or sometimes anger, though that was always directed at his parents and never at Eddie.

He gets it, is the thing, knows all too well what it’s like to keep things to himself, to not want to talk to anyone about them. He just didn’t know what it’s like on the other side of things. All he wants is for Buck to know that none of this is on him, that his parents are the one who fucked up and didn’t do their job. A job that should be the easiest in the world. Eddie knows how easy it is to love your child unconditionally. He also knows how easy it is to love Buck.

One day soon, he’s gonna find a way to prove to Buck how loved he is. If that means coming clean to him about his feelings, then so be it - he’s been thinking about it for so long now that he’s pretty sure Buck wouldn’t ever leave him and Chris, even if he can’t reciprocate Eddie’s feelings. Buck deserves to hear that someone loves him for him.

Back at the station, Eddie showers and changes into a clean uniform, and when he’s walking up the stairs, Buck’s parents are there. He knows it’s them immediately and catches Hen’s eyes across the room, her eyebrows raised.

“Is Buck back yet?” he asks her, voice low as he sits down on the couch next to her.

She shakes her head. “Bobby went to the hospital with him, just to make sure he’s really fine. I don’t think he knows they’re here.”

Eddie looks over at them, and has to press his hands to his thighs again at the sudden rush of hatred that he feels for these people. He doesn’t want to imagine what it must feel like to lose a child, but it gives them no excuse to treat their living, breathing children the way they did. The way Buck has been acting these past few days is their fault, it’s their fault he’s been feeling like he wasn’t enough his whole life, and Eddie hates them for it.

“Has anyone talked to them?”

“Chim did, when they came in,” Hen says, “and I kind of wanna give them a piece of my mind. You look like you do, too.”

Eddie gives her a wry smile. “That obvious?”

Hen scrunches her nose and gives him a kind smile. “Yeah. I can’t imagine ever treating my children like that. And I think they should know what they’re missing out on with Buck.”

Eddie couldn’t agree more, and before he knows it, he’s pushing himself up from the couch and walking over to them.

They both look up with matching expressions of polite confusion, and Eddie grits his teeth and sits down without asking.

“Mr and Mrs Buckley?” he asks. “I’m Eddie Diaz, I work with your son.”

“Do you know where he is?” Mrs Buckley asks. “Howard said he didn’t know.”

Depending on when Chimney talked to them, that’s probably even true, but Eddie wouldn’t hold it against him if he was just trying to get away from his parents-in-law as quickly as possible. “He’s at the hospital.”

“Oh, what did he do now?” Mr Buckley’s voice sounds long-suffering, as if his son being in the hospital is a nuisance more than anything else.

“His job,” Eddie bites out. “He did his job and saved someone’s life tonight. Do you even know the kind of man your son is? He goes above and beyond for everyone. He risks his life to save others - did you know he saved dozens of people during the tsunami, including my son, while he wasn’t even a firefighter? Of course you didn’t. He shows up for his friends time and time again and he puts everyone else before himself. He’s a good man, a great man, something he certainly didn’t learn from you-”

There’s a hand on his shoulder and he cuts off, the sudden silence making him aware of how loud his voice has gotten, and he looks up at Hen, almost expecting her to tell him to shut up, but she’s looking at Buck’s parents with narrowed eyes.

“With all due respect,” she says, and Eddie has never heard her voice like this, this hard and cold, “but Buck deserves better than what he got from you. He’s not just a valued member of this station, he’s family. I’m happy to tell you some stories about him, if you’re interested in hearing them, because I agree with Eddie that you should at least know what kind of person he has become in spite of you.”

Mr and Mrs Buckley look almost chastised, speechless, and Hen drops into the chair next to Eddie. His hands are shaking again and Eddie doesn’t think he can sit here with them any longer, certainly doesn’t have any nice things to say to them, so he decides to let Hen handle it from here on. She’s clearly got it under control.

Wordlessly, he stands up and goes downstairs to wait for Buck instead.

When Bobby parks the car, Eddie spreads his arms expectantly, relief flooding his veins when he announces that Buck got a clean bill of health from the doctor.

“Glad to hear it,” he says, but can’t help giving Buck a once-over just to make sure for himself. He’s also showered and wearing a clean uniform, looking miles better than earlier, but there’s still that sadness around his eyes and mouth that Eddie hates.

“Show off,” he teases him as Bobby rushes off, and Buck smiles at him.

“I had to do it.”

All Eddie wants is to go up to him and pull him into his arms to keep him safe from the world, but this is neither the time or the place. Instead, he just puts as much of that feeling as he can in his smile and tells Buck, “I know you did.” Then, a little reluctantly, he nods his head towards the stairs. “You’ve got some visitors.”

Buck leaves with one last look, a frown on his face, and Eddie watches him go. No matter how this conversation is going to go, Buck has a lot of shit to work through.

First and foremost, he needs to talk to Maddie because Eddie knows how much they love each other and how miserable this situation is making them both. And then he’ll need to start believing that they love him - Maddie, the whole crew, Christopher. Eddie. That he’s worth that love. And Eddie will do everything in his power to make him believe that.

[nolitetebastardescarborundorum]

I have so many thoughts and have to get them out now. I already restrained myself from tumblr till I could watch the episodes this morning in europe.

911 episode:

The smarthomes are really fucking creepy and for way too lazy people. Eddie freaking out about it was hilarious tho 😁

Finally their family together ♥ I could swear Chris was like 8 last season and now he looks like a whole ass teenager, I'm getting emotional. Child Chris was super cute, but teen Chris could be fucking hilarious judging by this episode. Eddie is always the serious dad and Buck is the more fun dad and I can't wait to see them prank Eddie more often. Comedy duo right there.

Now wtf is up with Buck? And we have to wait two weeks? I want to know NOW. Can this boi get a break like please. He feels lonely and sad and has abandonment issues (also seen in the crossover although used as a joke). Also it's very relatable to me.

I loved Chim talking to Buck about family and I love their brotherly bond (Yeah that is what a brotherly bond looks like, not what Buddie has, but okay). I always love when the team has friendship/family bonding moments.

Onto the next great friendship: Athena and Hen. First off Hens kids are soo cute omg! Everything Athena said to Hen I nodded along. Women supporting women, women empowerment. We love to see it ♥

Maddie. I'm a bit on the fence here. Buck confides in Maddie and then she goes and tells her mom (who's obviously quite judgemental, giving the talk about the babys gender before). And then Maddie tells this family secret to Chim first and not Buck, which it is about?! I get the whole they're a family thing, but I never agreed with 'have to tell my partner everything, even if it's third person's secrets.'

Texas is a gays only event 😁

The whole episode was so funny and wholesome. 10/10

Lonestar/Crossover:

Since I didn't saw ep1+2 yet I have no idea what the characters currently going through and who died. And I was immediately thrown into the catastrophe. A bit confusing.

If Eddie and Buck didn't give off extremely jealous vibes towards Marjan I don't know what did.

I didn't know I needed TK and Buck to be friends till now. Like above mentioned Buck is more childish than the others and Eddie. He like hihi I'm just gonna do this *giggle*. That's why he's so good with Chris too, bc he's a manchild. And I mean this in the best way. And TK is too.

I also loved that they bonded over their dad and Buck saying in canon that Bobby is his dad. (I read that so much in fan fiction. Speaking off, the whole 2h were like one tbh in terms of relationships and buddie, let's be honest).

Not TKs gaydar going off and him friendzoning Buck 😁 and Buck is just standing there like: Surprised Pikachu face 😂 Also for like the fifth time someone assumed Buck is mlm and he never denied it once.. At this point I'm 99% sure he's canon Bi soon.

But I want another crossover now, this time in L.A, just to see more of Tk and Bucks dumbassery and TK then saying 'Oh so you already had a bf when you were in Texas? My bad 😁'

Also Eddie constantly concerned about his Buck and mentioning him at every change he gets? Love it!

[mr-and-mr-diaz]

*Gasp* And They Were NEIGHBORS! A Buddie Neighbor AU

This fic is dedicated to @agentmarymargaretskitz who sent me the original prompt (as well as so many others when I wasn’t feeling well, seriously can’t thank you enough and I will respond to each of your asks, I’m just savoring them) and to @justsmilestuffhappens who I have been mutualling back and forth with for a REALLY long time (Hi! Nice to meet you, I love you already!) and wanted to see this prompt happen!

***

“I SWEAR to god, Buck, if I hear even one more word out of your mouth about this guy and his kid I will throw you over this balcony!”

“But Hen--”

“He’s gorgeous, I know! And his kid is the cutest thing since puppies! We get it! Now stop talking about it and do something about it!” Hen sounded mostly exasperated, but dare Buck hope he still heard a little fondness in there as well?

He smiled. “Right. Okay.” Silence followed as he wracked his brains. “Wait, what should I do?? This guy doesn’t know me at all, I haven’t gone over yet to say hello, I’m so worried about being awkward or overkill--”

“Overkill? You??” Chimney chuckled from across the firehouse loft where he was playing the pinball arcade. 

“Hey!”

“In all seriousness, Buck,” Chim turned and addressed him, his smile gone from teasing to kind. “You’re gonna be fine, just go say hi. The sooner you get it over with, the less awkward it’ll be. Also, remember you still gotta find out if he’s interested. And available too; if he’s as hot as you say, he could already be dating someone.”

“Oh shit! Wait, what if he is?” Buck put his face in his hands and groaned. “Urgh, what should I do?”

“Why not take over some of those cookies I taught you how to bake last week, Buck?” Buck raised his eyes to Bobby, who was watching him with a small, patient smile. “Nothing out of the ordinary about bringing some baked goods to a new neighbor. It’s a great way to introduce yourself and get in their good books.”

“Okay!” Buck nodded. “Can you help me bake them again, Cap?”

Bobby's nodded, already headed for the pantry. “Of course.”

***

Eddie sighed. He was so glad he moved but it didn’t stop the process from being hell. It had been a long day job hunting and he still needed to find a good school for Chris. At the moment, Chris was in the living room, watching TV.

Eddie got up and went over to the fridge, digging around for the Tupperware of dinner Abuela had sent over and transferring it to a pot to reheat. Soon the smell of delicious posole filled the house and he sat, taking a moment just to savor the scent and feel just a bit more at home.

He was interrupted by a knock at the door.

“No rest for the weary.” Sighing, Eddie stood and shuffled over, glancing through the peephole. A tall man stood there, his hair short and neatly slicked back. He was shuffling back and forth awkwardly, a covered plate in his hands. 

Who is this? Eddie opened the door.

“Can I help you?”

“Uh hey!” The man’s eyes lit up and he looked Eddie up and down. He was a bit taller than Eddie and dressed sharply in a firefighter’s uniform. Eddie instantly became aware of the ratty sweatpants and loose Henley he’d thrown on as soon as he’d gotten back home and how mussed his hair likely was from running his fingers through it in frustration. Weirdly though, the man’s smile didn’t dim. 

“Hi, My name’s Evan Buckley, I’m your neighbor! Apartment 2B.” He smiled, eyes lingering on Eddie’s for just a moment too long, before he jolted and laughed awkwardly, lifting his hands up. “Cookies! Uh, I mean, I made cookies for you.” The man lifted the cloth off the plate and a heavenly smell wafted from  a pile of delicious looking cookies. “They’re chocolate chip macadamia--wait, you don’t have any allergies right? Or gluten intolerant or anything? Or, shit, are you vegan? I should’ve asked, there’s eggs in here...” Evan made to cover the plate again, but Eddie put out a hand, stopping him. He couldn’t help grinning at the guy--the way he rambled, his bright smile. 

“You think I’m gonna let you walk away with those now that you’ve offered? They smell great, Evan.”

“Oh thank goodness!” The smile was back and brighter. “And, uh, feel free to call me Buck, all my friends do. And welcome to the neighborhood! It’s nice here, everyone’s polite, except Mr. Grivary in 4C, he can be a bit--but of course you don’t want to hear me rambling...” The guy blushed and Eddie felt his own smile widen. This man was adorable.

“Actually, that sounds like useful information Buck.” Eddie remembered Abuela’s dinner and held the door wider. “I’m not really a cook myself, but we have my Abuela’s posole for dinner, would you like to join us?”

“Yes!! I mean,” Buck blushed again and cleared his throat. “Yeah sure, if it isn’t any trouble...”

***

Buck felt like he’d barely fallen asleep when his doorbell rang.

“Hmm?” He mumbled at the door. Which of course could not be heard by whoever was on the other side. They rang the doorbell again.

“Ugh, fuck... Yeah, coming!” Buck dragged himself out of bed and stumbled to the door, glancing through the peephole. He couldn’t help the smile that bloomed on his face as he caught sight of golden brown curls, red glasses, and the world’s cutest smile. 

“Chris!” He pulled the door open. “What’s up, buddy?”

“I’ve got news!” Chris giggled as he carefully walked into Buck’s apartment and sat himself down at the kitchen table. Buck automatically reached for his crutches and propped them against the chair. It was hardly the first time Chris had come to visit; he came over often to play games, tell Buck about his day, or help him try out a new recipe. “Our school is holding a bake sale on Friday.”

“Those are fun.” Buck sat down across from Chris, voice lowered conspiratorially. “What are you making?”

“That’s the thing.” Christopher’s tone turned sad. “The teacher said it has to be homemade and Dad’s been stressing out about it. He’s super busy with his new job and I know he wants to help, but... He burned water once. Just water.” 

“Aw man.” Buck put in every effort not to laugh, but a giggle still escaped. “You want me to help you put something together, take the pressure off your dad?” Christopher nodded happily and Buck reach for his notebook where he carefully documented all of Bobby’s recipes. “How’s cupcakes sound, Superman?”

In short order, they had all the ingredients lined up on the counter, and Chris was comfortably seated right next to the mixer, ready to dump in anything Buck handed him.

“...And then, only after that you want to add the dry stuff. I don’t really know the science behind it yet, I just know that it works. If I do find out, I’ll tell you.”

“Okay. Buck?”

“Hmm?” Buck consulted Bobby’s notes carefully and measured out a cup of flour, handing it over to be added to the mix.

“Where did you learn how to bake so well? Did your mom or dad teach you?”

Buck grinned. “Nah. My captain at the fire station is the best cook I’ve ever met. Everything I baked for you guys I learned from him.”

“Oh.” Christopher reached out a hand for the second cup of carefully measured flour. “Are your parents also bad cooks like my dad?”

“Well, no. My parents are nothing like your dad.” Buck sobered. “My mom cooked a little for us, but mostly we ordered in. And she never... uh, she never had time to teach me or Maddie. I didn’t have a complete homemade meal until I started working at the 118.” He shook his head to clear the thoughts and smiled at Christopher. “But now thanks to Cap, I got an almost-dad who cooks for me every day! And now he’s teaching me so I can do it one day for my kids, if I’m ever lucky enough to have them.” 

Christopher thought for a second, absently reaching for the teaspoon of baking powder and adding it to the mix before saying. “I already have a dad, and I don’t want to trade him for anything. But... Could you be my second dad?”

Buck looked up from the salt, startled.

“Like a cooking almost-dad who teaches me how to cook just like your Cap does for you? I want to be able to help Dad so he stops feeling so bad about not cooking.” Christopher was smiling at him, waiting for a response. Buck looked away quickly and took a deep breath, clearing the sudden thickness in his throat and blinking away wet eyes.

“Y-yeah, sure, Chris. I’d be happy to.”

 ***

Eddie arrived home from work exhausted. As he approached the door, he noted how quiet the apartment sounded. Usually that meant that Christopher was hanging out by Buck’s, but Buck’s apartment was also quiet and dark. Hurrying toward the door, Eddie fumbled with his key and jerked it open as fast as he could--

“SURPRISE!!”

For only two people, Buck and Christopher still managed to startle the shit out of him.

“Fu-fudge! Guys what the hell...!”

“Happy birthday, Dad!” Christopher called from the table.

“Happy birthday, Eddie!” Buck was bent over something, his broad back blocking whatever it was. Then he rose and stepped away to Christopher’s side. He grinned, cheeks slightly flushed. “It’s not perfect, Cap would’ve done it better, but I’d say for Chris and I’s first ever layer cake it’s pretty darn good!” He and Chris high-fived each other as Eddie stepped closer.

The cake was lopsided, and the icing oozed down the sides a bit and on top... was that the number 32?

“Chris did all the writing,” Buck added proudly. “As the mastermind behind this, it was only right that he got the honors.”

“What do you think, Dad?” Chris’ voice bubbled over with delight.

Eddie looked up. They were both watching him, eyes bright, smiles wide, waiting on his response. I think--no, I know have the best kid ever.

And the best Buck.

Eddie couldn’t contain the huge grin that broke out on his face. “It’s perfect.” He looked a them, eyes meeting Christopher's, then Buck’s. “Thank you.”

***

“So when do I get to meet her?” Abuela was layering a container with tamales, her back to Eddie.

“Who?”

“The person you’ve been sharing all my cooking with.” Abuela’s tone brooked no nonsense. “The person who makes you smile to yourself every time you think I’m not looking.”

Eddie startled. “Oh, Buck? He’s not... we’re not--”

“Nonsense, mi amor.” Abuela chuckled, clamping the lid down on the container of tamales and handing them to Eddie’s slack hands. “If he isn’t, then he should be.”

Eddie stopped where he was. Abuela is right. Chris adores him, I adore him... What am I waiting for?

He reached for his phone and sent out a text.

To: Buck

From Eddie:

Abuela made tamales. Come over tonight? 

[potterbite]

commentary 4x04

(yes, i am already spoiled on the secret, because i’m a softie for spoilers and can’t stay away)

buck and eddie solving murders. such a mood. i’d watch that show. maybe agatha christie-themed, with moustaches they could twirl

albert full out sprinting away from chimney, LOL. can’t blame him, but how is he not even a little bit curious? i would’ve never

okay, so insta hate on the buckley parents for me. the writers really made them dislikable on purpose, huh? 

the lady with the flour apron. maybe i’ve been watching too much of Bones, but I knew instantly they were gonna use that again as a red herring and then make her not be the killer

lmao, chimney spilling the secret to the bomber had me laughing out loud. he is such a gift honestly. and keeping his cool the entire time as well. impressed

urgh, okay buckley family time again. the parents make me so uncomfortable. buck looks super sad already, picking around in his food

okay so why doesn’t buck have a baby box? i’m thinking he doesn’t have one since he was brought into this world as some kind of donor thing for the brother? so the parents don’t see him as their “real” son. maybe?

uh-oh. that tone in buck’s voice. “never gave up?” all quiet and dark. chills. he’s about to explode. SUCH good acting on oliver’s part, the subtle changes to the eyes, face and voice. you can feel (paired with the soundtrack) that these words are the calm before the storm

“love me anyway” A++ on delivery. cracked voice, eyes filling up. CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE HUG THE MAN. i teared up big time

lol, and the next scene is with eddie. because of course it is.

okay, but the speed at which eddie’s hand come up to the punching bag though. why is that so hot? and does he really HAVE to bite his lower lip while looking at buck breathing heavily?  “we’re just friends” SURE JAN

grant family time is such a contrast to buckley family. surely they did this on purpose? even the colors are so much brighter and happier here in comparison to the buckley’s scenes

kind of bummed i already knew the secret, that scene was really good between maddie and buck. can’t WAIT for next week, although i am not looking forward to emotional buck, i simply cannot handle that if they keep insisting on not HUGGING THE MAN.

and buck being trapped as well. i am THIRSTY for subtle worried eddie; fluttering gaze, not able to stand still, extremely frustrated. GIVE ME ALL OF IT

[woodchoc-magnum]

911 4x07 “There Goes the Neighbourhood” Reaction

Under the cut!

A solid, enjoyable episode - I laughed multiple times during this.

A sad lack of Eddie Diaz but that’s okay, he had a big episode last week.

Thoughts:

The rocker moms at the start had me lolling

Look, was it sexual harrassment? Sure. But that lady saw that Diaz ass and realised she had a golden opportunity for some slappin’

Veronica certainly was interesting. I’d love to know how the date started? Like... did she just dislike him instantly or did he say something to piss her off... she was openly hostile right from the get go.

Kinda weird that the last episode ended with Eddie on a date and this one started with Buck on a date, you know, the man who hasn’t dated in anyone in a season and a half now 👀

I don’t pretend to know what the writers are doing but what are they fucking doing seriously

Why did Buck decide to jump into the dating pool again now? Is this just a straight-up reaction to Eddie dating? WILL WE FIND OUT NEXT WEEK? Fuck I hope so

I want a REALISATION, PLEASE

Moving on - I would’ve kicked Albert out the moment he stole that cheesecake

There are some things that are sacred. Women come and go but CHEESECAKE IS FOREVER.

Am I... anti-Albert? After that? Yes.

Also like I know Buck is a social person but I am a person who cannot survive without my own space so for him to have had literally no space for himself for the last six(?) months like... I wouldn’t be coping at all.

Good god NIA IS SO FUCKING CUTE - they have 10/10 nailed the casting there holy SHIT

Okay so Michael’s wall of windows is great but HE LIVES ACROSS FROM THE HOTEL CECIL

I AM LITERALLY WATCHING A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT THAT SPOOKY ASS HOTEL

I could not BELIEVE IT

Also when Bobby gets involved was just 10/10 so. fucking. funny. And the Austin Powers music? I was DYING. HILARIOUS.

Like all the men on this show are just as bad as each other and the women just put up with it

The entire turkey scene was 10/10 as well - Buck and Eddie finally managing to catch it? So good. And they weren’t wearing masks! Honestly I hate that the masks cover their faces, I know they’re necessary but I can’t wait until the day when they don’t have to wear them anymore.

Buck telling Eddie he needs a “safe space” - DUDE. If they’re not foreshadowing Buck moving into Eddie’s house - does that mean he kicks Albert out? Maybe? He could kick him out; it’s Buck’s fucking apartment.

I mean I realise it is wishful thinking for Buck to move in with Eddie - I am 90% sure Eddie doesn’t have a spare room, and if he does, they’ve never shown it - but GOD I WANT IT. Buck’s not a guest in Eddie’s house!

I love the Hen & Athena friendship - and Hen and Karen are SO GOOD TOGETHER, honestly I was so happy to see Karen. And not all the parents on this show are super terrible - there’s hope for Hen’s mom yet.

No mention of Ana 👀

And then the big reveal at the end that Albert is dating Veronica... look, I was anti-Albert after the cheesecake stealing incident (NEVER FORGET) but... he could’ve told Buck? It’s not like Buck was pining after this girl. Why didn’t he just tell him? So fucking weird.

Let’s wildly speculate (and I’m always wrong!):

So we know that Buck and Albert are on the rocks as roommates (cheesecake thievery). We know that Taylor Kelly comes back in the next episode (I one hundred percent think she’s married). We know that Buck is looking for a safe space. We know that Buck has a one-on-one scene with Christopher and there was also a BTS video of Oliver in the same outfit as he wears in the scene with Christopher at the hospital. There are also those set photos from the airplane emergency where it kinda looks like Buck and Eddie are fighting (though I remain unconvinced about that). We know that Ana is in the next episode. The next episode is called Breaking Point.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

I have no idea.

Genuinely have no fucking clue.

My gut tells me that... Buck and Eddie probably aren’t fighting, especially not about anything jealousy-related because Buck doesn’t seem to be that jealous of Ana? Unless things dramatically change in the next episode.

The hospital thing, I don’t know. 

Why do Buck and Christopher have a one-on-one? My original wild theory was that Eddie was sick but I don’t think that’s going to happen either (he looks fine in the set photos).

Can I wildly speculate for one second (this will not happen) that Eddie gets food poisoning on a date with Ana?! Because... I’d enjoy that. Not Eddie’s suffering, of course, but like... Buck to the rescue, kind of thing.

It’s not going to happen; moving on.

The theory about Buck moving in... I mean, I want it. @from-nova​ made a brilliant post about that and I so hope she’s right.

If Eddie does have a secret hidden spare bedroom, it could happen? But he’s only got a small couch, so where the fuck would Buck sleep? “Oh hey Ana, so Buck’s moving in with me and I don’t have a spare room so we’re just gonna share a bed also he’s been co-parenting my son with me for the last three years, so did you want to order now?”

I don’t know.

I just feel like next week’s episode is going to have something big Buddie-related? I have a FEELING.

Does Eddie get jealous about Taylor? We all remember the Season 2 murder strut.

It seems too soon for Eddie to tell Christopher about Ana?

I don’t know. I’m anxious. This has been rambling.

My fear is that they will end the next episode with Buck and Eddie fighting and I really don’t want that, so I’m manifesting for that not to happen.

This whole season has been about Buck and finding his family and finding his place... the recurring theme of the invisible string, them constantly showing Eddie supporting Buck; constantly drumming in that Buck and Eddie talk to each other about everything... Buck is searching for a safe place, where is safer than Eddie’s house?

What if he moves in and it just... clicks? Like... everything falls into place for him. This is where I’m meant to be.

God, I hope. I REALLY REALLY HOPE. 🙏

Also fingers crossed for Eddie dumping Ana next week PRAYER CIRCLE

She says one fucking thing about Buck and/or Christopher and he’s like “we’re done.”

I want it.

[signsofsam]

9-1-1 Week, Day Two: Come a Little Closer

Buck tosses his controller down when he loses yet again, hands going into the air as he mutters something about Eddie cheating, again. “It’s not possible for you to be this good. What are you doing? How are you doing it? Teach me your ways, Obi-Wan! I wish to be your padawan!”

“Anakin ended up evil in the end, Buck; I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t know evil if it smacked you upside your pretty head.”

“You think I’m pretty?”

Prompt: “You scared the shit out of me” + fun

AO3 Link Here

Notes:

Song title is from Rollercoaster by Bleachers. 

This is part one in a series (Day 3 is part 2, Day 5 is part 3). Thank you all for the lovely support of my writing; my week has gone kind of wonky after receiving bad news on Friday, and honestly right now I really need the happiness posting fics brings me. But you didn’t come here for my sob stories so here you go.

.

.

.

“You want to maybe come over after school? Bobby’s going to be home and I think he said something about cooking burgers, and we’ve got the PS4?”

Eddie never wanted to move to California. He loved Texas, he loved his life in Texas, but Abuela was sick, and she needed his parents, and so here he was, starting his life over in LA at sixteen. And it was difficult, at first, but then he’d met Buck in school, and it made California so much better. Buck’s tall and muscular and good looking and funny and smart and Eddie may-just may-have the slightest crush on him (after he went through his initial do I really like guys? I think I really like guys phase and decided that he at least liked Buck and that was fine and he didn’t need to define it any further for now), and he can’t really figure out why Buck wants to hang out with him, the new kid, when he’s fairly affable and popular.

But that’s what Buck did-he came and sat with Eddie at an empty table his second day there with an easy smile and a “hi, I’ve Evan, but everyone calls me Buck. I think you’re in my English class?” Eddie hadn’t asked why Buck didn’t go by Evan; instead, Buck had prodded him about where he came from and then asked about a million questions about Texas, and that was it. Buck became Eddie’s best friend, and a light in the dark of California, and through Buck, Eddie gained a whole gaggle of new friends.

“Yo, Diaz? You coming tonight? I gotta text Bobby yes or no.” Buck’s grinning, and Eddie jumps, pulling himself out of his thoughts.

“Sorry. Um, yeah. I just need to let my mom know,” Eddie answers, and Buck’s smile widens before he has to turn back to focus on their teacher. 

When they first hung out, Eddie thought maybe Bobby was Buck’s stepfather, but then he met this petite African-American woman in uniform who Buck had squeezed in a tight hug and introduced as his mom, Athena, and Eddie had realized that Buck’s past wasn’t the normal apple pie, all-American upbringing he’d thought. Through the months, he’s met Athena’s kids, May and Harry, and her ex-husband Michael, and how they all seem to work together as one big, happy family, and one night after some football game he and Buck had gotten super drunk and Buck had told him how his real parents had abandoned him and his older sister. He’d been sloppy drunk as he told him about finding Bobby when he was twelve, Maddie gone, and how Bobby would say Buck rescued him just as much as Bobby rescued Buck. He’d smiled about how Bobby first introduced him to Athena, and how it’d been tough to blend their families at first, but now...now that was the only type of family he could imagine. He considered May and Harry his siblings (and Maddie. He’d gotten sad as he talked about her, and even drunk, all Eddie wanted to do was comfort him), and Michael was another grown-up he could go to and trust, almost like a third parent. 

Buck likes to blabber about sad things when he drinks, but most of the other time, he’s like an overzealous, overjoyous golden retriever. He’s practically bouncing by the time they get out of school, leading Eddie to his Jeep, and his happiness is infectious, especially when it mixes with LA’s perfect weather and Buck singing whatever pop song comes up next on the radio.

Bobby is preparing things in the kitchen when they come through the door, and he smiles when Buck greets him. “Hey, kiddo, kiddo’s best friend.”

“Hey, Mr. Nash. Thanks for letting me come over.”

“No problem, Eddie. You two are lucky; Harry’s gonna help me with the grill, so the gaming stuff is all yours’. Dinner will be ready in a couple of hours; you two have fun.”

And they do. Playing against Buck is fun, because he gets so weirdly competitive and flustered when he loses, and, to be frank, Eddie is kick ass at Mario Kart. Buck likes to trash talk, and he has yet to realize that Eddie can listen to it while solely focusing on winning the race, and that Eddie knows it riles Buck up  when he doesn't react, and that’s all sorts of fun by itself.

Buck tosses his controller down when he loses yet again, hands going into the air as he mutters something about Eddie cheating, again. “It’s not possible for you to be this good. What are you doing? How are you doing it? Teach me your ways, Obi-Wan! I wish to be your padawan!”

“Anakin ended up evil in the end, Buck; I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t know evil if it smacked you upside your pretty head.”

“You think I’m pretty?”

Eddie glances at Buck, and he doesn’t seem...mad. He’s watching Eddie through his thick eyelashes, eyes just as bright blue as ever, but...he’s searching for something, too. Buck leans in, and the kiss is soft, sweet, a barely there press of lips, Eddie’s hands still around his controller, and he doesn’t have enough time to react before Buck pulls away, eyes wide and...scared? He’s watching Eddie, cautious. “I-”

He freezes when Eddie drops the controller, and Eddie can feel him shaking when he wraps his hand around Buck’s bicep to pull him close and kiss him again, Eddie’s other hand coming up to card through Buck’s mussed hair, and it takes a moment, and Buck’s gasping into him, and it’s everything Eddie’s thought about since Buck sat beside him in the lunchroom all those months ago. 

Someone coughs behind them, and they break apart, Buck grinning sheepishly at Athena. "Dinner's done, if you two want to come join us outside," she says, eyebrow raised, but she breaks out her own smile when Buck nods. "I'm going to send Harry in here if you're not out there in five minutes." With that, she heads back out to the patio, and Eddie and Buck are alone again. 

Buck groans, pressing his forehead into Eddie's shirt. "Well, that wasn't at all embarrassing or anything," he whispers. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Huh?"

"I was scared to kiss you, because I wasn't sure if that was what you wanted and I wasn't sure if you were going to do something like punch me or-"

"I've pretty much been dreaming about kissing you since I met you, Buck. This is completely all right. I’m completely not opposed to doing it again sometime.”

Buck grins. “Yeah?”

“In fact, we should do that again after a date, on Friday? I’ll pick you up at seven?” 

“So...you want me to wait until Friday to kiss you again? I don’t….I think I have a better chance of winning Mario Kart against you.” Eddie laughs, and Buck kisses him again, quick, like lightning, well aware that very soon his very nosy younger brother will come searching for them. “A date on Friday sounds fantastic, though. I’ll be there.”

So yes, Eddie misses Texas something fierce, all the time, but...one look at Buck smiling cheekily at him across the table? Imagining what could be? It made California feel a little more like home. 

[thisissirius]

for @hearteyesforbuck who has been asking me to finish dog tag fic FOREVER. here you go, my darling <3

in the palm of your hand eddie/buck, dog tags, angst & fluff

Buck’s in the middle of figuring out Chris’ homework for the next day when Eddie joins him at the table. Buck’s been working on the problems for about a half hour while Chris is in the living room, watching cartoons on TV before dinner. Mrs. Higgins gave him the problems to work through with Chris and he’s confident he can help—even with Eddie’s soft teasing.

“Hey, I have something for you,” Eddie says.

Buck raises his head, confused. “It’s not my birthday till next week.”

Eddie shrugs. He’s blushing, a little pink on his cheekbones, and Buck can’t help smiling. A nervous Eddie is always such a surprise—and beautiful. “It’s not—it’s not a birthday present. I just wanted to give you something. Because I can’t, marriage is, we’ll—”

“It’s okay,” Buck says, leaning over to touch Eddie’s neck. “If you can’t tell me now, tell me later.”

“I want you to have something.” Eddie puts the box on the table, slides it over the mess Buck’s made with math problems and squared paper.

The box is small, reminds Buck of jewellery cases, but it’s leather. He runs his fingers over the top and flips the lid, hands shaking when he looks inside. Eddie’s dog tags are laying on soft velvet, and Buck’s chest seizes, his eyes burning. “No.”

There’s a horrible silence, and then Eddie reaches out, snatches the box from Buck.

“Okay.” Eddie’s expression is going to be seared into Buck’s memory. Weak smile, wet eyes, that familiar lip bite that means he’s fighting back tears. “I’m just gonna put it back in the bedroom.”

Buck watches him go, wants to stop him, but he can’t make his voice work. He’s spent months promising himself he’ll never be responsible for making Eddie sad, not if he can help it, and now he’s done it. Because he can’t handle what those dog tags mean—what Eddie’s asking of him.

Dinner is a quiet affair; they keep up small talk and jokes for Christopher’s sake, but even he can tell something’s wrong. When Eddie takes the dishes to wash up, Chris heads for the bathroom. There’s a weight to Buck’s chest that he can’t shake, and as he perches on the edge of the couch, rubbing his hands over his face, he wonders if he should just leave.

“Bucky, can I speak to you?”

Buck looks up, surprised, to see Chris hovering next to the couch. “Of course, buddy. What’s up?”

Chris sets next to him on the couch, giving Buck a soft look. “Daddy’s sad.”

Wincing, Buck sighs. “I know. I think I made him sad.”

Chris pats his knee. “Dad’s not good with things, Bucky. He doesn’t like talking like you, and me.”

Buck snorts gently. “I know. Did he tell you something?”

Chris doesn’t answer for a moment and Buck fights the momentary panic that Eddie has. It’s not like Eddie; he doesn’t bring Chris into their fights, doesn’t hold Chris over Buck’s head or force him to choose. Eddie finds it difficult enough talking about his emotions at the best of times, less so when he’s sad.

“He asked me something,” Chris says. “Showed me what he wanted to give you.”

Buck rubs at his face. When he wraps an arm around Christopher’s shoulder, Chris leans in. “I didn’t mean to make him sad.”

Chris hums. “You didn’t like the dog tags?”

“I,” Buck starts. “I thought they were a bad thing. Maybe I got it wrong, and they mean something different to your dad?”

Chris nods. He doesn’t look angry and Buck’s so grateful he’s a good kid, that Eddie—and Shannon—have done so well with raising him. “Dad gave me one. They’re supposed to keep us safe. To remind us Daddy loves us when he can’t be with us all the time.”

Buck feels sick. He’s such an idiot. Eddie’s face when he’d said no; he must think Buck doesn’t— “I’m sorry. I’ll speak to your dad, I promise.”

“Good,” Christopher says. “He doesn’t like fighting with you. Or being sad.”

“I don’t like that either,” Buck says, kissing the top of Christopher’s head.

Eddie’s an idiot.

Of course Buck doesn’t want the dog tag. Why would he? They’re happy and Eddie’s gotta ruin it with too much emotion. Is this what Shannon felt like? Throwing so many feelings at him that he couldn’t reciprocate and when he finally does, he goes too hard too soon and everything falls apart.

Eddie bangs the plates a little too hard when he puts them on the drainer and bites back an outward curse. He can hear Buck and Christopher talking in the living room, the TV going on. It’s not their usual movie night, but Eddie figures maybe Buck’s finding something to do that means he doesn’t have to talk. What if he goes home? Eddie breathes out slowly, feels the burn in his eyes as he rubs vigorously at the pans.

As a widower, a single father, he’s got next to nothing going for him. Buck’s—he’s gorgeous and kind-hearted and the best person Eddie knows. He can have anyone he wants. Why would he go for Eddie?

Buck’s the one that keeps saying marriage is for later. Maybe he means never and he just doesn’t want Eddie to get upset. Either way, Eddie’s an idiot and he doesn’t know how to salvage their relationship, or even a friendship between them. He desperately needs Buck in his life, no matter how much he loves him, and can’t handle being the reason Buck leaves. Chris will never forgive him.

Eddie’s gonna have to apologise and take whatever comes, however much it hurts.

“Christopher’s watching a movie,” Buck says, watching Eddie wipe down the counters. He’s got his back to Buck, shoulders tight as he moves, but Buck knows him well. He can see the tremor in Eddie’s hand, the line of his jaw that means he’s clenching his teeth, the redness to Eddie’s eyes. If he’s not outright crying, he’s been trying not to. That hurts, and Buck takes a step forward, another. “Can we talk?”

Eddie doesn’t talk, just nods, throwing the dish towel in the laundry and heading down the hall.

Buck hates the silence. It settles over him like an oppressive blanket and he tries to shake it as they walk into the bedroom. Just that morning they woke up together, Eddie pressed against his front, Buck’s hand tight on Eddie’s stomach. Buck thinks of that as he closes the door, focuses on Eddie’s awkward hovering by the window. He’s still not looking Buck in the eye.

“Look at me?”

“Just—,” Eddie starts.

Moving around the bottom of the bed, Buck stands a few feet away from Eddie, giving him space, but not letting him run. “Eddie. Please?”

Eddie raises his head, eyes narrowed, but he can’t hide his sadness fast enough. “I’m sorry.”

Buck’s surprised. “You’re sorry?”

“I know I go too fast,” Eddie says quickly, taking an aborted step forward. His hands clench by his sides, and though he’s holding Buck’s gaze, his eyes are darting from Buck’s face to his shoulder and then back up. “I shouldn’t have—I just wanted you to know because I can’t say it but I want it and—”

“Slow down,” Buck says gently, sitting on the edge of the bed. After a small hesitation, and at Buck’s prompting, Eddie sits next to him. “What do the dog tags mean to you?”

Eddie snorts. “You know what they mean.”

“Humour me.”

Resting his hands on his knees, Eddie stares down at them, shoulders shrugging slightly. “I heard you talking to Maddie a couple of nights ago on the phone. You were saying that nobody—that you weren’t marriage material because nobody’s ever going to want that with you.” A small pause. “I can’t—”

“Eddie,” Buck says gently, reaching over to take Eddie’s hand.

Eddie swallows; Buck watches his throat bob, and then he turns, looking Buck in the eye. “I don’t know how to ask.”

“So you gave me the dog tags,” Buck says slowly.

“I’m sorry. I don’t wanna ruin it,” Eddie says. “We can pretend I never—”

“See for me,” Buck says, talking over Eddie, and squeezing his hand gently, “they mean something else.”

Eddie shuts his mouth, staring.

“Dog tags are always—they’re the thing someone gives you when they want you to remember them. When they know they’re going away and they want to leave a piece of themselves behind.” Buck watches Eddie’s face closely, and can see when the realization hits. “Eddie, we have a dangerous job—you’re former military. You have to know that’s what they mean.”

“Probably,” Eddie allows. There’s a pink dusting on his cheeks and he tightens his grip on Buck’s hand. After another pause, he looks back up at Buck. “I want forever with you, Buck. I didn’t think I was the kind of guy you’d want.”

Buck frowns. “Eddie, I love you. I’m never leaving, not if I can help it.”

“I’m,” Eddie starts, cuts himself off. Buck waits him out, and eventually, he shifts a little closer. Buck pulls his hand away, wraps it around Eddie’s shoulders and kisses his hairline. It softens Eddie a little; Eddie curls into him, breathes out slowly. “You could have anyone you want.”

“I’ve chosen you,” Buck says, tone hard. He wants to be respectful of Eddie’s feelings, but he won’t have Eddie thinking he’s somehow not enough. With another kiss to Eddie’s temple, Buck rests two fingers under Eddie’s chin, waits until Eddie’s looking at him. “We’re gonna have to talk about this,” he says gently. “About you not thinking you deserve me, or love, or any of this.”

Eddie shakes his head.

“Eddie,” Buck says quietly. “I will marry you in a heartbeat. I need you to hear that and believe it, but right now I don’t think you do.”

“I,” Eddie starts, then stares out of the window. “No,” he says eventually. His voice is small, and Buck sighs, burying his nose in Eddie’s hair. Eddie clutches at him a little tightly, voice shaking. “I want to, Buck. I don’t know why—”

Buck shifts them, drags Eddie down with him onto the bed. They don’t have long; Chris isn’t going to be bribed with ice cream for much longer, but Buck needs this, needs Eddie to have this, and he rests a hand on the back of Eddie’s head. Eddie’s cheek is against his shoulder, small puffs of breath against Buck’s neck, and Buck closes his eyes.

“There are ways,” Buck promises, “to stop feeling like this. Some you don’t like—Frank,” he adds, feels Eddie tense, “but there are others. It’ll be hard, therapy always is, but I want you to see your worth, Eddie.”

Eddie pauses. “I suppose you’re in therapy?”

“Yeah.” Buck ignores the tone, rubs his hand up into Eddie’s hair, scratches lightly, then strokes back down his neck. The tension bleeds out of Eddie with every pass. Whatever anger he’s got stored up is dispersing. “After everything—” The truck, the tsunami, the lawsuit; Buck needs to get his head on straight and even if the first time was a disaster, this time is easier. He wants it, needs it to be the best person he can be for Eddie. “I needed it.”

Shifting against him, Eddie turns so that he can look Buck in the eye, head tipped back against Buck’s hand. “I don’t want to talk to someone face to face.”

“Alright,” Buck says. “Whatever you want, Eddie.”

“I don’t want it at all,” Eddie says, burying his face back against Buck’s chest. “But I want to be a better person.”

“It’s not about being better,” Buck says softly. “I just want you to be happy, Eddie.”

They lay in silence for a moment.

“Dad! Bucky! Ice cream!”

Buck snorts, brushing a kiss in Eddie’s hair, while he starts to roll away.

Eddie stops him, a hand on Buck’s chest. His eyes are bright but he nods, like he’s come to a decision. “I want to be happy too. For you. And for me.”

“Good,” Buck says, hand on Eddie’s cheek. He pulls him in for a kiss, a soft touch of their lips that Eddie doesn’t try and deepen. He kisses Buck’s lips, his cheek, his temple. “Eddie?”

“I love you,” Eddie says, finally shifting onto his knees. Buck rises to meet him, lets Eddie pull him into another kiss. “We can do this, right?”

“Yeah,” Buck says, without question. “Kids, marriage, the whole fucking lot, Eddie.”

Eddie laughs, more carefree than he’s been all night.

“Dad! Buck!”

“Alright, Chris!” Buck yells, laughing against Eddie’s shoulder. “Come on, Diaz, before your son steals all the ice cream in retaliation.”

Later, when Chris is sacked out against a sleeping Buck’s shoulder, ice cream tubs on the coffee table in front of them, Eddie leans over, runs his fingers through Buck’s hair. His chest is tight and he doesn’t know if therapy is actually going to help, but he’ll offer Buck anything if he can give it.

Maybe it’ll help.

There’s a lot of shit going on in Eddie’s head, and he doesn’t like that his first reaction was hating himself. He’s tired of not feeling like he’s enough for someone to stay. He wants to be worthy of Buck’s love, his attention. He wants to be everything Buck needs him to be.

“Hey,” Buck says.

“Hi.” Eddie smiles, leans in to kiss Buck softly. He’ll never get tired of kissing Buck, of the fingers Buck always strokes along his cheek, the back of his neck.

Buck is careful of Chris as he sits up a little, threading his fingers with Eddie’s. “You owe me something.”

Eddie frowns. “What are you talking about.”

“I want the dog tag,” Buck says quietly.

Eddie doesn’t know what to say. He never wants to get the dog tag out again. He doesn’t know why—

Buck squeezes his hand. “Eddie?”

“Okay,” Eddie says, because he’s helpless to say anything else.

Buck lifts their joined hands, brushes a kiss against Eddie’s knuckles. “When we’re both ready, you’ll exchange it. For a ring.”

Eddie snorts, unable to quell the rise of amusement. “I will, huh?”

“Yep,” Buck says, with a huge grin. “I’m worth a big wedding, right, Diaz?”

That’s an easy one, and he leans in, kisses the tip of Buck’s nose. Buck goes soft, eyes warm and smile small, but no less brilliant. “You’re worth everything.”