#but Also i don’t trust my professor to not be a HUGE freak and grade it right away

[starbuck]

just made the worst PowerPoint of my life and i’m going to turn it in for five million points

[twstarchives]

Deuce Spade・Voice Lines

Additional Voice Lines

Star Send-Off Garments event card

Scary Dress event card

School Uniform - R

Unlock Card “An honors student needs to be able to balance both their studies and their club activities.”

Groovy “It’s nice to have friends where you both can lift each other up.”

Home Setting “I’m going to be an honors student.”

Home Transitions “Even now, there are times when I still can’t believe I’m a student at the prestigious Night Raven College.”

“It’s not that I hate the uniforms. It’s just that, uh... in the past, I used to rip my clothes a lot, so wearing them the way they’re supposed to be worn feels uncomfortable.”

“What class do you have next? I’m not that good at doing work... but I try my best because of that.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Are you ready? We’ll be in trouble if the teachers notice we’re late.”

Home Taps “If you haven’t gotten any food yet, want to go together? I recommend getting the cafeteria’s fluffy omelettes.”

“My dream...? Someday I want to become a powerful mage. That’s why I’ve got to study my hardest now.”

“It might seem daunting being in a place you’re not familiar with, but as long as you set your mind to it, things should turn out okay. It’s an experience.”

“Ace ran off somewhere skipping out on his class duties, huh? ...He really is a handful.”

“Stop it, I don’t like being prodded at so much. ...Hey, are you sure you heard me?”

PE Uniform - R

Unlock Card “I feel really sure about my strength. If you don’t believe me, wanna test it out?”

Groovy “You can’t be a mage unless you’ve got muscles! ...That’s what Coach Vargas told us.”

Home Setting “I gotta show off the best sides of me.”

Home Transitions “Moving around feels so nice. I also like that you don’t have to think too hard about it.”

“I heard that Jack hates hanging out with people. He never talks during club meetings either, but... weirdly, we hit it off.”

“Flying is actually pretty hard. I thought it’d be something more like riding a Magical Wheel.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Oh, you wanna go for a run together? Alright. I’ll wait here; you can go get changed.”

Home Taps “You’re bored? Then let’s go on a Magical Wheel ride somewhere... er, I forgot we’d need permission to go off-campus.”

“I was in charge of setting up our landline back home. I hope my mom hasn’t been having trouble with it...”

“Coach Vargas is the supervisor of the Track & Field club. Usually he’s a very passionate, respectable teacher, but when he gets started talking about muscles, he’s kind of...”

“Mud stains usually won’t come off on their own, so you need to hand-wash them before putting them in the washing machine. ...Everyone knows this kind of stuff, right?”

“...Hey! You don’t have to keep poking me; if there’s somewhere you wanna go, I’ll come with you.”

Lab Coat - SR

Unlock Card “There’s a lot of things I don’t know yet. I’m going to learn everything I can little by little.”

Groovy “I’ve made more progress since yesterday! ...I think.”

Home Setting “Alright. I’m gonna put in all I’ve got!”

Home Transitions “The stench of this potion I messed up won’t come off me... I smell like I just stepped out of a medicine box.”

“Diamond saw the grade I got on my test earlier. He wouldn’t stop laughing at it...”

“How is Grim able to hold that thin test tube with his paws? It’s a mystery.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Oh, glad you’re here. I was just thinking I’d like to take a break for a while. Want to walk with me to the Botanical Garden?”

Home Transition (Groovy) “I’m not good at studying. I wouldn’t want to do it if I had the option, but... I can’t run away. I’ve made up my mind.”

Home Taps “It’s nice there’s always something new to learn in our classes. ‘Cause when I was in middle school, I, uh... was absent a lot... ‘cause of this and that...”

“I promise I’m not that awkward, but when people are saying so many things at once, I start freaking out.”

“The best thing I can cook are fried eggs. They can be really complex if you’re picky about them. I like mine over-easy.”

“If you’re stuck on a problem, you should ask Professor Crewel for help. He’ll explain it to you for hours until you completely understand it.”

“Huh?! Did I say something wrong!? ...Oh, it’s nothing? Don’t scare me like that.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Listen to this! I got some nice feedback on my test just now! It’s thanks to you studying with me earlier.”

Ceremony Robes - SR

Unlock Card “I can’t afford to look away. ‘Cause I’m going to become a powerful mage!”

Groovy “This is the pride of a student of Night Raven College.”

Home Setting “You want to hang out with me? You’ve got a good eye.”

Home Transitions “This academy is way too big! It’d be so much easier if we could move between classrooms through a mirror like how we get to our dorms.”

“Where are you going? Seriously... A teacher will yell at you again if you just wander off for no reason.”

“I’m going to study lots of things, and memorize lots of spells, and then someday I’ll... Ah, it’s exciting, isn’t it?”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Every time I wear these ceremony robes, I think about the entrance ceremony, and how nervou——er, ahem!”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Hey, could we take a picture together? I think it’d put my mom at ease too if she saw I made a friend.”

Home Taps “Night Raven College is a prestigious school anyone would kill to get into. The fact that I’m here is a huge honor.”

“Clover knows so much about everything, and he’s so dependable... I want to be like that someday too.”

“The ceremony robes represent this school. It makes sense that they added this classy embroidering so that other schools can’t make light of us.”

“People say that the amount of magic power you can have is determined at birth. But you wouldn’t have any at all without working hard for it in the first place.”

“Hey, don’t get a single speck on these clothes, alright? My ceremony robes are important to me.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “When I see you, someone who can’t even use magic, trying your best at this academy... it makes me not want to lose either.”

Dorm Uniform - SSR

Unlock Card “I’ll become a committed man, just like a card soldier. That’s what I made up my mind to do.”

“Common sense doesn’t work at our dorm. You need to be prepared.”

Groovy “I would never abandon my friends. You can count on me!”

Home Setting “How are you? Have you gotten a little more adjusted here?”

Home Transitions “Does this outfit look good on me? I’ve never worn something like this before, so I feel a little awkward.”

“Just between you and me... I still feel kinda uncomfortable with the dorm’s tea parties. I’m not used to fancy things like that.”

“Trust me with playing croquet! So you just swing as hard as you can, right?”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Be careful not to break any of the Queen of Hearts’ rules. Especially not when you’re on Heartslabyul.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Isn’t it lonely being at the Ramshackle Dorm by yourself? ...Huh? Oh, my bad. By yourself with one animal.”

Home Taps “Heartslabyul’s rules are strict, but a lot of them really do benefit you. ...Probably.”

“I swear my loyalty to this dorm, just like a card soldier. ...That’s what this button is supposed to mean. It’d be bad if I lost it, huh?”

“That force Dorm Leader Rosehearts has when he gets angry...! He’s a dorm leader alright—he’s not like anyone else.”

“Ace always cheats me when we play card games together, so they’re not fun. If I could just see through his trick...”

“Oh, actually, I’m in the mood to just go off and something too. Let’s go conquer the rose maze!”

Home Tap (Groovy) “If you were in Heartslabyul, it’d be a lot more... Nevermind. The Ramshackle Dorm really does suit you well, though. Haha...”

Duo Magic Deuce: “Ace! We’re gonna teach these guys a lesson!” Ace: “There it is—Deuce’s tough guy talk!”

Tutorial “Now, it’s starting.”

Lv Up “Alright, I think I did well.”

“Yeah, I feel like I got something.”

“I don’t wanna lose to anyone.”

Max Lv Up “I’ve never had anyone join me for intensive training as persistently as you have. I feel like I’ve been steadily making progress ever since I met you.”

Episode Lv Up “Heh... You and I are BFFs. ...Huh? ‘What does BFF mean’? You don’t know? Um... b... best friends, like... really close friends... Nevermind!”

Magic Lv Up “Heh... Maybe a day will come soon where I can start summoning something other than cauldrons.”

Limit Break “It’ll reflect badly on my role as a honor student if I don’t live up to your expectations.”

Groovy “My power is surging through my whole body. This is what it feels like to advance, huh?”

Lesson Select “You’re going to class, right? Let me know if you need anything. I don’t know if I’d be able to help you with your work, though...”

“C’mon, if you take your time choosing, you’ll be late to class. Let’s hurry to the classroom.”

“You just have to jump in and give it your all for whichever class you take. Make sure you’re ready for them.”

Lesson Start “Alright, let’s get started!”

Lesson End “It’s finally over. There’s a lot we have to remember.”

Battle Start “I’ll take you on all at once!”

Battle End “You see? This is the difference between our resolves.”

Other

Profile Quote “Today we’re having an Unbirthday Party. It’ll be off with our heads if we’re late.”

January 2020 Trailer “Hurry up and get over here. If you’re late to the tea party, you’ll lose your head.”

Countdown Poster “I’ll become a committed man, just like a card soldier. That’s what I made up my mind to do.”

Login Bonus “It’s important to just put in a little effort everyday. You know what they say—from little acorns mighty oaks grow.”

Player Birthday Wish “Oi, I heard it’s your birthday today. Don’t be a stranger; you should just tell me. I want to give my friends a huge celebration for their birthdays. Come on, I’ll get you something from the cafeteria.”

Valentine’s Day Gift Letter (2021)

These letters were originally in English. I didn’t translate or edit them in any way. They came with official merch from Aniplex, and are not present in-game.

Friend, Thank you for the present. You surprised me a bit with that since we don’t often get chances to give our classmates gifts. I’m so happy! Today is going to be a great day. I’ll thank you again when I see you in class later!

[lovemesomesurveys]

Whoa, me doing a bolding survey?

*lol bolding surveys are tough for me because I want to elaborate on my choices, which I did a lot of in this.*

NFP | mediator/idealist You get carried away by fantasies and ideas Always want to be hugged You’re energized by quiet time alone Constantly looking for the best in people People say you’re shy/calm/reserved So open-minded Can’t stop thinking about the future Probably a writer or artist in some way Compassionate and empathetic Insanely good listener Prefer a small group of friends Absolutely hate injustice Easily get lost in deep thought 9/13

ENFJ | protagonist/mentor Expert at communicating with others You’re sensitive and easily offended A natural born leader You strive for win-win situations Everyone wants to be your friend You’re basically everyone’s cheerleader  Hate seeing people excluded from things You stand firm for what you believe in You just want everyone to be happy Live for supporting people around you You’d be a great teacher You love to keep your life organized You’re probably an empath 6.5/13

ESTJ | executive/supervisor Incredibly practical about life You naturally step into leadership roles You can be very detail-oriented You’re very matter-of-fact You’re known to be very direct The first to take charge in a situation People say you’re very focused and driven Sometimes you can be too impersonal Strive in managerial positions Driven by results You love meeting and talking to new people You strongly believe in working hard You hate people who don’t follow rules. <<< I consider myself to be pretty rule abiding for the most part and I don’t condone crimes, but I can’t say I’ve never done anything wrong. Maybe nothing too serious, but still. I wouldn’t say I hate people who don’t follow rules, but I have an issue with people who don’t follow certain rules. It’s complicated hence the italicized answer and the need to explain a little further. .5/13

ESFP | entertainer/performer You love to live in the moment You’re energized when around people Avoid conflict like the corona virus You never forget anything Can be materialistic <<< I mean, I like my Apple products and Beats headphones, which are nice and expensive things, yes, but I don’t know if the term materialistic applies to me because of it. I think it goes bigger and beyond that. I’m not consumed with buying expensive things to fill a void or think it can buy happiness. I don’t have to be bigger and better. I don’t want to be flashy. I enjoy the items I listed above, but there’s more important things in life than worldly possessions.   You’re constantly changing your mind Way too friendly You could easily be an actor Often the life of the party Not a huge fan of deadlines or structure Independent af Constantly finding the light of a situation Sensitive to the needs of others 3/13

ISFP | adventurer/artisan Tend to hold back your feelings You live an easy-going life  You stick to a close group of friends <<< no friends anymore, but I stick to my family, who I’m close to and spend a lot of my time with. That’s how it was when I did have friends, though. I never had a big group of friends and that was perfectly fine with me. Hate long-term planning <<< I have to take things day by day or do short-term goals. Mistaken as “lazy” or “slow-moving” <<< Italicized because they’re not mistaken. You take things at your own pace So considerate to those around you <<< Italicized because I think I am? I sure try to be. Absolutely hate criticism and conflict Sometimes too hard on yourself <<< All the time. You could be an artist or musician You have a special bond with animals Have been called “unconventional” before Learn best with hands-on training 9/13

INTJ | architect/mastermind Everyone go away Very low tolerance for stupidity Small talk = your worst nightmare Have very dry humor Sarcasm is your first language You love researching everything Planning is your favorite hobby Can’t stand salespeople Known to be very blunt Probably could be a doctor or engineer A grammar nazi You like to silently judge people You love to create theories about life 3/13

ESFJ | consul/caregiver You care so much about others Take your responsibilities very seriously <<< Not these past few years like I should, but normally. You have a contagious laughter Tasks are your best friend You’re very family-oriented The most loyal person ever You absolutely hate feeling useless No one would ever call you selfish Probably strive as a nurse or social worker Overflowing with compassion and love Always seeing the best in others You value security and stability for everyone So down to earth <<< In some ways. I’m not a relaxed and stress-free person at all, but I’m also not arrogant or proud. I get along with and can work well with others. I don’t see myself as better or superior to others at all. 6/13

ISTP | virtuoso/crafter Very comfortable with change Easily find the solution in any problem Always want to know how things work Love to be constantly doing something Handle crisis-situations really well Efficient af in everything you do Stubborn when you know you’re right Hard for others to tell how you’re feeling <<< For the most part. My mom is good at it, though. 100% a hands-on learner Could easily be a mechanic or it the military You’re never afraid to make a mistake You dress for comfort more than style Easily bored and unfocused with tasks 3/13

ENFP | campaigner/champion Spotted constantly laughing So much enthusiasm for life Love to start new projects Constantly have a new hobby to do Hate repetitive tasks so much Expert at brainstorming new ideas Not a fan of micromanagers Very quick to understand people’s concerns So much energy Probably a comedian or counselor You’re never afraid to make a mistake Easily motivate people to join a cause Always looking at the big picture of life 2/13

ISFJ | defender/protector Very sensitive to others’ feelings Love to have a routine to follow every day Drawn to facts more than theories Hate the “unknown” in any situation <<< The unknown is generally scary to me, but some things I don’t want or need to know. Always want to keep others safe and sound Safety first You’re always obeying the laws/rules Known to procrastinate on certain things Easily taken advantage of, unfortunately Strives as a nurse or interior designer So detail-oriented and organized You love following traditions Probably quiet as a child 6.5/13

ESTP | entrepreneur/persuader Always seeking to have a good time Bubbly and happy almost all the time Love being the center of attention Like to live in the “now” Sometimes you can be too impulsive Life always seems to work out for you Expert at adapting the life changes Rules suck Very observant of the people around you Could be an entrepreneur or bartender So detail-oriented and organized People are drawn to your enthusiasm You’re a “get things done” person 0/13

INTP | logical/thinker You’re known to be quiet/thoughtful Can be distracted for hours by one thing Always hated group projects <<< Not because I have a problem with working with others, it’s just that group projects always gave me added stress. I didn’t like my grade dependent on other people and vice versa. I always stressed about everyone getting their part done. You find it hard to trust others Serious introvert Have a child-like sense of wonder Hate structure You never run out of things to talk about Can handle criticism pretty well Would strive as a lawyer or professor Will share educational articles with others Could easily win a debate with anyone Just generally pretty smart 5.5/13

ENTJ | commander/ceo Find the most efficient way to do anything Very goal-focused Can come across very assertive Born to be a leader Work hard and play hard Can motivate anyone to do anything Hate repeated mistakes Feel the need to fix everything Allergic to stupidity Never satisfied with your own work It’s so easy to get what you want Probably excel as a lawyer or ceo The word “impossible” doesn’t exist for you 1/13

INFJ | advocate/counselor Fear doing the wrong thing Genuinely want to please and help others Believe in the complexities of relationship <<< Not sure I understand this correctly, but I think so? Love encouraging others to be better Very likely an empath Could be a photographer or teacher Always avoiding conflict and criticism Feel the need to fix everything Really good at communicating with others Take relationships very seriously Sociable and fun but needs time alone too Loves physical contact with people Always the one to give advice to others <<< I used to be. 6.5/13

ENTP | debater/inventor Constantly coming up with abstract ideas Champion at debates Arrogant but also aware of your own faults The most introverted extrovert Getting really excited about sharing ideas Constantly changing your opinions Low tolerance for people but also social You overanalyze everything Known to take a lot of risks in life Picking accidental fights all the time Have probably argued with authorities So freaking clever Could be a detective or inventor as a career 1/13

ISTJ | logistical/inspector Take constructive criticism like a boss You thrive on organization Incredibly responsible You don’t rest until the job is done Actually really good with money Believe things should be done by the book Strive for structure in your every day life Absolutely hate getting in trouble Probably an officer or accountant Literally the most dependable person Sometimes too logical for people Take time to warm up to new ideas Some call you a perfectionist 3.5/13

[artpoint420]

Melvin and the Silent Diagnosis for a Brilliantly Broken Psyche

Hypothetical Diagnosis Insecurity masked with narcissistic tendencies characterized with compulsive obsessions driven by blatant autism, and no that is not an immature insult I test extremely highly for Asperger's myself Here's the Evidence: (I will state before hand that Melvin-borg is a completely separate character in my mind, and thus will not be included in this particular theory.  Melvin decided not to turn out like him, so they are canonically separate characters) He is obviously and frequently inspired by George and Harold, but his deeply embedded fear of rejection makes him dangerously bitter, and it doesn't help that everytime he breaks out of this protective shell, he is rejected or betrayed once again. It’s important to note that while he may be high-functioning (aka: Aspergers) he is still Autistic. That’s because Asperger’s is not a form of autism- it is autism. Period. And any kind of autism or mental attypicality left untreated can develop in to many, many other severe mental disorders, or, in general, make life a metric heck ton harder and complicated than it already is. I also need to confess that I test highly positively for autism myself as well as being an INTP female (Myers-Briggs Personality Test). Not to brag, but all that combined with my naturally creative nature makes me rare af, but it also means I can't communicate or handle stress #liketheothergirls, so that has lead me to being/feeling bullied and ostracized.  I also have anxiety and depression issue which run in my family, and mild insomnia, and may or may not be relapsing into an eating disorder. Paired with psychical problems like acid reflux and severe neck tension, health, whether psychical or mental is of uttermost importance to me.  It suffices to say, autism is not easy to deal with and if not taken care for properly a person, especially if not made at least aware of what autism truly is, it can truly ruin their life. Combined with the neglectful nature of his parents (at least in the books) I and many others in this fandom truly believe Melvin is at least autistically coded. Not only does this fit the archetype of his character but it also fits the theme of the books to a TEE. At its core, CU, of all things, is a children's book series, about living your best life despite not being “normal.” Even characters like the teachers or Mr Krupp who strive for “normality” are shown to actually have deeply repressed creativity, or, in some cases, deep trauma from their own childhoods. It suffices to say that I resonate deeply with Melvin. Say what you want about him or me, I was able to relate to him the second he spoke his first line in the second book. Sorry to turn this into a long vent, but I feel it is best to use myself to support this theory as well as harder evidence, even if it is mostly a means of self-therapy. To start, we both are obsessed with school even to a detrimental degree. Ever since head-start (Pre-K but a million times better), these "book-smarts" were the first thing I ever truly excelled at. When the other kids bullied (or as I now know as teasing) me, I would lose myself in a stack of homework or a book 2-3 grades past my grade level (this is before I drew or wrote as a main hobby). Similarly, Melvin is rarely seen without a book or gadget, just like me. We both over analyze things and hide our feelings. We both have intense crushes on others but are terrified to dare express them, or do but to nothing but awkwardness. We were both science kids, and fascinated by words and/or numbers alone (I still am just in a more artistic way). We both struggle to communicate and relate to others. We both have a unusual sense of humor and are highly observant of surroundings all the while missing what’s in front of our noses. We both have interests that quickly spiral into obsessions and dropping the obsession only when sick of it. We both practice similar forms of stimming. We both not only thrive but crave control and structure with the world around us, even to the point of being "control freaks" and creating odd habits, routines, and rituals regardless of whether they are necessary or make sense. We both have an intense fear of intimacy and rejection to the point of practicing self-isolation and in some cases self harm or other unhealthy coping methods (seen with Melvin over eating sweets or over working himself. For me it’s disordered eating or self flagellation, something I have all but completely dropped but still) We also both tend to see ourselves as inferior to others and attempt to mask those feelings with a superiority complex (I feel bad for my siblings but I didn’t know what I was doing, and no it was not abusive just sibling rivalry and I’m the oldest anyway, and we are country kids and understand “rough-housing” =/= using each other as a punching bag, but accidents happen I'm sorry) We both seem to become easily overstimulated and have explosive mental and emotional breakdowns when things just . . . become too much However the harsh divide between male and female and fictional and nonfictional means we both present certain traits differently. Whereas he presents a more linear line of thinking my mind is overwhelmingly sporadic. Also, I have over sensitivities to touch and light (and sometimes certain noises, but not anything not normal? Wfk.) But maybe he does have oversensitivity but I can't think of an example off the top of my head. Enough about me however. I know Melvin and autism has been done to death.  Hell, I just did it to death.  My actual theory is more on the inner mechanisms of his mind and predicting how he will develop should the series allow for full character development. Also, similar to my Krupp theory, I will be listing his crimes out and give him a proper sentence for his age and maturity level (which will be light as I am sympathetic to his plight).   This is already getting too long, so Imma try to finally get to the point.  Characters with autism are honestly a mixed bag, sometimes there as standardized as my mystery Daddy Sherlock Holmes and other times they are as subtle as Pearl or Peridot from Steven Universe (has Rebbaca Sugar confirmed this? sorry). Honestly, it does distress me that autism is almost always used to have an evil genius character or some weird side character for brownie/ diversity points. (this makes me a bit hypocritical I guess, considering my own stories. I guess tropes are tropes for a reason) And while Dav Pilky May not be subtle with his scholastic politics or humor his one spectacular tool in his writing books has always been, when it comes to his characters, showing instead of telling. This is something I latched on to even as a kid, and I was already thinking up theories on the characters before I even knew character theories were a thing.  Like what happened to Harold's Dad (hint, hint).  Why was Harold's sister rarely used?  Does Mr Krupp actually like their comics (a now accepted theory, but not just min? And many many others I'm probably never gonna write.  It took until how long in the books to reveal George and Harold have ADHD? Before that they were simply described as being as smart as Melvin but just in different ways. Personally I feel that autism is inverted ADHD. This is an opinion I’ve recently formed so if I’m wrong bloody attack me in the comments. Anyway, Melvin presenting autism makes him the perfect foil to George and Harolds’ more sporadic antics. The only true difference between autistic folks and ADHD folks is that those with autism tend to crave a structured environment full of rules, and set goals to achieve, while such an environment is HELL to children with ADHD (aka:George and Harold). (Even though if with adults they can trust, children with ADHD thrive in structured environments if they are surrounded by adults or authority figures they can trust.)  I know some will tell me ADHD is on the spectrum, but I just learned this like actually the other day and don’t fully understand it.  My prediction is that Melvin will eventually and naturally mellow out if just because staying so high strung all the time is a huge waste of mental energy.  I know good as hell I had to.  Also, he mellowed our in the books and went from a screeching revenge exacting lil narcissistic white boi prick to a person who simply wants to pursue his interests and even helping George and Harold (selfishly, but help nonetheless). He even went from enjoying the fame and attention of hero-ing to realizing it did not fufill him. Indeed quite the opposite.  His true passion lay in solving world problems through science, and I don't think the ending for him in the books could have been any more perfect considering his character.   In the Netflix show, similar to how I think Krupp's personalities are merging, I believe that Melvin will eventually become more like his Broski alter ego (which I calmly demand more of).  Overall, given that this show needs to go back to the status quo more often than not, I don't think his core character will ever change, and it doesn't need to.  Multiple times throughout the series he's been shown to crave friendship from George and Harold, despite audibly hating him . Textbook Tsundere, I know.  He will form a friendly rivalry with George and Harold, I have almost no doubt about that, taking the season 1 finale, season 2 finale, season 3 first episode, and halloween special into consideration. (Yeah, if someone will send me clips I will give them my eternal gratefulness) To conclude, because by god this is long, Melvin is, SHOCKER, just a little kid.  A little kid who likes muffins and dolls and has big hopes and dreams.  A little kid whose love for science and unrecognized creativity is channeled into making inventions that are even more impressive than those of Professor P (sorry P).  But he is a little kid with his own needs and stuggles which at this point remain unmet.  His parents are canonically neglectful, I cannot repeat that enough times.  The effects of neglect are a hell-hole of its own regardless of growing up with undiagnosed autism.  But that's just a theory- Alright, that was a banger, I guess next up is Melvin-borg since writing this has given me some interesting ideas for him.  Let’s see how long this hyperfocus train will go!

[artificialqueens]

Dancing into your arms (branjie) - multifandomgeek

A/N: This is originally a multichapter fic but is posted here in its totality. If you guys like it and want to let me know, leave a comment on the AO3 post and make my day <3

Summary: 

Brooke is a very strict dance teacher that  is taking a select group of girls to a dance camp where they will be able to learn from the best. She, however, is not very good at meeting new people and may not have a very good time at this week-long event.

Vanessa is a teacher  who worked her ass off to get these girls into this dance camp. If only they could stop getting in trouble, maybe she could get a second of peace to get to know this beautiful blonde who she stumbled into a little better.

wordcount: 18359

Chapter 1: A vision in a red dress

Brooke was sitting in the front of the bus, looking out of the window watching the trees go by in a bored but content state of mind. Her students were relatively quiet for a group of high school girls going on a school trip for the week, but that wasn’t very surprising. They were on their way to a dance camping, and Brooke selected these girls not for their dance abilities or the grades they achieved in her class, but because she knew they took their discipline seriously and would make the most of this opportunity.  

She took her gaze away from the outside and turned her head to glance at her students. Some were chatting between themselves, some were looking out the window like she was doing herself a moment ago. She didn’t know if they were friends with each other when she chose them. That didn’t really matter for the purposes of this trip, but she couldn’t help but wonder while she studied their faces now. God, she was so proud of them, every single one. There was so much potential in this bus alone, she couldn’t wait to see what they would end up doing.

Sitting alone on the opposite side from her was Nina, her absolute favorite student. Not that Brooke would ever admit that out loud, of course. She was heavier and with a different body type than most of the girls in her class, or maybe any dance class, and was not by a long shot the best dancer in her school, but nobody loved dancing more than Nina. She tried her best every time, practiced harder than anyone. But her best quality wasn’t even in her dedication, but in the way she lifted the spirit of everybody else in the room, being able not only to brush off her peers’ laughter and teasing with an ease that Brooke truly envied, but to also laugh at herself, cracking jokes about her lack of rhythm or falls, making it easier for everybody else to deal with their mistakes too.

She was the first name Brooke put on the list when the opportunity to come to this camp presented itself. It was a very selected experience, a place where the girls would be able to focus on learning according to their own preferences with several of the best dancers and professors of the country. Of course Nina had to be there. Even if the school wouldn’t, Brooke would find a way to get the girl in.

“I can see the sign already, miss Hytes!” said Nina excitedly, turning to Brooke, who had been staring at the girl with a fond smile like a proud mom. She averted her gaze, blushing.

“Good!” She said. “I’m excited! If any of you guys didn’t fill in your schedules online or have any questions about that, we will check in first and then address that, all right?” The girls’ chatter became louder as they started talking to each other about the things they were looking forward to do.

“What will you do, miss Hytes?” asked another girl, Yvie.

“Me? Well…” responded Brooke, surprised. She hadn’t really thought about that. “I’ll take care of you girls, of course. And meet people, learn things too. It will be fun,” she said, smiling assuringly.

She turned back to the window, her smile faltering. She wasn’t the best with people, and to be honest she had had her own share of lectures and classes and new techniques outside of the classes she taught. This was a huge opportunity for her girls, and she was here to assure that they took it, that was it. Sure, there were a few activities for the teachers chaperoning their students, but those were just not her thing. Too social for her liking. Mostly, the teachers were supposed to keep their prone-to-trouble teenagers in line, but she wouldn’t have that kind of problem. She sighed. Maybe she should have brought an extra book or two.

–

The first day was supposed to be the easy one and Brooke was already going crazy. The stupid guy on the reception desk couldn’t get his head around the fact that someone spelled Yvie name as Eve on his computer, but that didn’t mean he was getting a freaking terrorist in if he could just accept her I.D. and let them in. It took them a whole hour to solve this stupid problem, and a whole lot of self-control for Brooke not to punch anyone in the process.

After they finally got that sorted out and got their things in their cabins, they went to the main hall, where some groups were already mingling between themselves and eating while others were arriving like them. There was a booth at one corner of the salon for those who wanted to go over their schedules for the week and some people in uniform giving information, as well as some camp teachers already talking to eager students and teachers from groups that arrived earlier. So many people, and no alcohol in sight.

There would be a performance later that night and that was it for the day. Classes started only tomorrow, today was supposed to be about integration between schools and students, for everybody to feel comfortable at “their home for the week”. Useless, in Brooke’s opinion, but the girls were excited and already pointing and gasping at people.

“Go on,” she said. “I’m not your nanny, just be polite for the love of God.” She waved them away, trusting their common sense. She knew them well, after all, there was nothing to be worried about. She made a B line for the buffet and gathered some things out on a plate, leaning against a wall and keeping an eye on her students just in case, but staying away from any casual conversation. She was so tired already.

A while later, could have been five minutes or five hours for what she could tell, she noticed Nina holding a plate by the buffet, with a girl in front of her gesticulating wildly. Brooke couldn’t see this girl’s face, but she could tell something was wrong because Nina was frowning.

She approached casually, and as she got closer she noticed the other girl was talking very loudly. With the chatter and the number of people already in the room, it wasn’t too shocking, but it was loud enough for her to be able to tell this was not a friendly conversation going on. She quickened her pace.

“… think you are better than me, right? Just because of your fancy school and your fancy clothes and this fancy place,” said the girl.

“What? No! What?” said Nina.

“Don’t think I don’t know what kind of girl you are I can read you from miles away.”

“Why are you yelling?” said Nina.

“What’s going on?” said Brooke, putting a protective hand on Nina’s shoulder.

“Nothing!” said Nina, quickly changing her expression, smiling at Brooke. “We were just talking Miss Hytes. This is Rajah, she actually goes to school across town from us. Isn’t that amazing, that we would meet so far away?”

“Amazing indeed,” said Brooke unimpressed, crossing her arms and looking at Rajah with raised eyebrows. She looked like she was ready to throw back a punch if Brooke so much as blinked at her. “Are you-”

“Rajah why you look like you about to slap a bitch, calm yourself down girl nobody trying to steal your man down here” came a voice from behind Brooke. The girl, Rajah, visibly relaxed, looking down and even chuckling a little bit. Brooke was confused, to say the least, looking for the person where that gruff voice came from, expecting anything else than the woman she actually saw.

She was small, smaller even than her student, with short blond hair that fell in barely-there waves stopping just before reaching her shoulders. She was wearing a dark red dress that complimented her tone of skin wonderfully and hugged her tiny waist perfectly before flowing in a loose skirt that Brooke would love to see her twirl in, just so she could take a better look at those incredible legs. Her make-up was flawless and she looked like she was glowing. But what made Brooke’s jaw really drop was the smile that she flashed while extending Brooke her hand. It took a minute for her to process that she was actually talking to her. Nina snorted discreetly at her side.

“Hi, I’m Vanessa,” she said.

“Brooke. Brooke Lynn. Brooke Lynn Hytes. My name is Brooke Lynn Hytes, hi, nice to meet you. Hi,” she shook Vanessa’s hand briefly while suppressing herself from hiding her face behind her hands while simultaneously elbowing Nina who was failing tragically at not-laughing beside her.

Vanessa chuckled and looked Brooke from head to toe, her whole body language changing completely just for a second, before she caught herself and remembered why she had come over in the first place.

“This your student?” asked Vanessa, pointing at Nina, ”were they fighting or something?”

“Yes, this is my student, Nina, and I don’t know, were you fighting?”, asked Brooke, recovering her poise and looking at Nina, who was surprised to have the attention turned at her all of a sudden.

“No! No no no, it was just a misunderstanding,” she said.

“Sorry, miss V,” said Rajah finally, “I was stressed out because of earlier and let it out on her.”

“Girl, let it go,” said Vanessa, shaking her head at Rajah with a knowing look on her face.

“I know,” the girl responded. Vanessa kept looking at her pointedly until Rajah rolled her eyes and looked at Nina. “I’m sorry, Nina. I’m sorry, Miss Hytes.”

“No worries,” said Nina promptly. ”Come on, let me introduce you to my friends,” she said, swiftly pulling Rajah, practically dragging her across the room. Brooke looked over at them suspiciously, guessing that the fast exit was not exclusive for the benefit of the girls’ friendship. Not that she was going to complain.

“Sorry about Rajah, she’s a very good girl beneath that explosive temper of hers,” said Vanessa, pulling Brooke’s attention back to her.

“It’s fine, I think Nina was more confused than pressed about it anyway,” she said.

“Good. Hmm…” said Vanessa, checking Brooke out again, not very subtly.

“Yeah. So… uh,” said Brooke, taking the oportunity to do the same.

They found themselves staring at each other. There were plenty of things they could be talking about. Brooke already knew they were from the same town, for example. They could be talking about that, or the food, about dance, about anything at all. But it was like all thought processes were too complicated, the only thing Brooke’s brain was capable of processing right now was brown eyes and plump lips.

Brooke licked her lips, and Vanessa caught the movement, mimicking it. Brooke smirked and Vanessa caught her eye. The tension between them grew as they kept staring without saying a word.God, she’s so beautiful, Brook though, taking a step closer before she could talk herself out of it. Vanessa gasped, a brief intake of air that Brooke wouldn’t have noticed if she wasn’t so close. She swallowed. Vanessa reached for her hand.

“Excuse me, ladies,” said a chubby guy, coming between them none the wiser to grab at a sushi plate. They were right next to the buffet after all. “Thank you,” he said with a smile, going away to the next assortment of delicacies.

Brooke blinked and looked at Vanessa, who was looking at the guy as if he personally offended her.

“Who does that?” she said with a hand on her hip, not loud enough for him to hear but not quietly either. Brooke laughed. Vanessa turned back to her, looking like she was going to say something, but her eyes quickly diverted, pulled by something happening behind the blonde.

“Goddamnit, A’keria,” she said, pursing her lips,  “these girls will be the death of me, I swear.”

She hastily placed a lock of hair behind her ear with a worried look, taking a step or two in the direction she was looking. But before she could stomp away, she took the time to look over her shoulder and say: “we’ll finish this later” and wink, leaving a love-struck Brooke sad to see her leave, but happy to watch her go.

Chapter 2: Yes, Miss Hytes

“You’re staring”

Brooke Lynn Hytes had been dragged out of her daydreaming by a smug looking Nina, who was sitting across from her at the breakfast table, fingers crossed casually over an empty bowl of cereal, elbows resting at each side of it. She was looking right at Brooke with a sideways smile and knowing eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, said Brooke, in way of the playful “fuck off” she really wanted to say. Truth is, she really had been staring. How couldn’t she?

The camp’s cafeteria was ordinary, with big tables to accommodate all the people that would be there for the week. Brooke’s group got there earlier than most, even with the time she took to give everyone a big speech about how they were representing their school and Brooke’s own personal reputation. She was expecting nothing less than their best behavior and spotless accounts of discipline and dedication from the camp’s staff. She would not tolerate any foolishness and would not hesitate to send someone back if she deemed they were waisting their opportunity here and jeopardizing the school’s privilege of coming again in future chances.

The girls were used to this kind of discourse coming from their dance teacher, and signaled their understanding, heading to the cafeteria in polite conversation. Brooke was proud and trusted them, but a good reminder was never too much, even though with their tight schedules and the eagerness they were showing to actually take the classes offered she doubted they would have much mindspace for trouble.

After they were well into their breakfast, Vanessa’s group arrived. Not that Brooke noticed, or was expecting to see her, looking anxiously at the door every time a new group of people made their way in. Nope, she was absolutely focusing on her own students and barely touched plate of food.

Vanessa’s group was small, 5 or 6 girls maybe, but they were hard to miss. They talked happily and loudly between themselves, their teacher the loudest of all. The first time Brooke heard Vanessa laugh that morning, she found it absolutely impossible to hold her own smile back, and maybe she was more infatuated than she thought. They sat all the way across the cafeteria, but Brooke could still see Vanessa clearly, not missing the quick glances the other woman threw at her every now and them. She was barely wearing any make-up today, her hair was a little disheveled and she was dressed in a simple t-shirt and shorts, and somehow she managed to be even more stunning than last night.

So maybe Brooke had been chewing on the same bite of cantaloupe for the last 10 minutes, elbow on the table, head resting on her elbow, sighing like a horny teenager who’s got the hots for her math teacher and can’t make a long division because he is just so dreamy she can’t even pay attention. Ugh, what’s going on with her today?

“So, I was texting Rajah,” said Nina, suspiciously trying to hide the fact that she was looking at her phone in her lap, even though Brooke had nothing against them using their phones outside of classes.

“You two really became friends? That’s… surprising.”

“I’m friends with everybody,” said Nina, and Brooke couldn’t disagree on that. “Anyway, I know you want to make sure we are okay, but our classes are all set, we know where we are going for the day-”

“Actually-” interrupted Plastique, who was sitting next to Nina, but she suddenly stopped talking, looking at Yvie who was on her other side with a painful expression.

“You don’t have to worry about us at all, miss Hytes,” continued Nina, unphased. “But Rajah’s group…” she made an exaggerated pitiful expression. “You know, they got the call to come here really last minute. Miss Vanjie - that’s their teacher, Miss Vanjie - really had to bust her a- really had to work hard to get them here, they didn’t get to work on their schedules beforehand at all. Plus, the system is really getting the best of them.” Nina made a dramatic pause. At this point, the whole table was quiet, pretending not to pay attention. Brooke had to make a real effort not to roll her eyes at their subtlety. “You helped us so much with our planning miss Hytes, you should go help them! I know you get to have some free time after breakfast.”

“You are such a good person, miss Hytes, I think they will really appreciate it,” said Plastique, innocently. Poor Plastique, someone should really fill her in on the story later.

Brooke looked at Vanessa. She wouldn’t mind an excuse to talk to her at all, much less one that would offer a chance for them to spend some time together.

“Nina, if you are making this up, I swear to God,” she said quietly, leaning on the table so (hopefully) just Nina would hear her.

“Okay, call me Britney ‘cause I’m not that innocent,” responded Nina, leaning in too and lowering her tone of voice. “I know you know what I’m doing, but they really do need help, miss Hytes! They are so disorganized, and the camp’s system is like a whole new technology for them! Plus, Miss Vanjie is no Steve Jobs, they were trying to figure it out all night and still don’t have anything booked!”

“All right,” said Brooke, sitting back on her chair and addressing the whole group. “I’m sure you girls will be fine, we have gone over your classes and your behavior already, so… I’ll see you guys later. Don’t think I won’t be checking in with the other teachers, though. You’re not here for fun.”

They all nodded, serious. Brooke hated when they said “Yes, miss Hytes” like a chorus of preschoolers and they knew that, so they stayed quiet. As they finished eating and left, she stayed put, trying to figure out how to approach this good-samaritan situation. It was way out of her personality, it wasn’t something she would normally go out of her way to do.

“I told Rajah already that you would help them, so just go over there and say hi”, said Nina, standing by her side, like a coach encouraging her pupil. Brooke looked up at her, surprised. Nina smiled broadly. “Have fun!” she said, with all the sincerity in the world, and left. Brooke loved her so much she could almost shed a tear.

–

Get over there and say hi was much easier said than done, but Brooke eventually managed it. She was overthinking the whole situation, having replayed the little moment the two of them had last night way too many times in her head. By now, it was like a movie scene, soundtrack and all, when in actuality it was just a few seconds of something that was probably only in Brooke’s head. She wasn’t even sure about the “We’ll finish this later” thing anymore. Maybe Vanessa had said “I’ll see you later” and Brooke’s lonely brain heard what it wanted to hear. Or maybe she meant something about the students. She didn’t know anything anymore. The fact was that she was approaching Vanessa’s table with a completely irrational rapid heartbeat. She took a deep breath and reminded herself again that she was, in fact, 33 years old and not 16 about to talk to her first crush.

But Vanessa noticed her approaching, and her smiled threw all Brooke’s poise out the window. She smiled back and did a little wave that she was just not going to think about.

“Hi,” said Vanessa.

“Good morning,” said Brooke. They were ready to start staring at each other again, but Rajah came to the rescue.

“Oh yeah, Miss V, Miss Hytes is gonna help us with the schedule thing,” she said, mater of factly.

“She is? Well thank God, my brain was gonna get fried before I could get you girls into any classes,” she said, grabbing Brooke’s arm for a moment. “Well, let’s go then!” She got up and the girls followed. Brooke was still feeling her warmth on her skin before she registered she was supposed to be following. Damn the woman was fast.

–

It turned out that scheduling these girls really was a nightmare. The system was working all right, but they just could not figure out what they wanted to do. They were all talking at the same time and they had been trying to do this for an hour already. Brooke didn’t know if she wanted to cry or punch someone. She took a deep breath for the hundreth time. They were on Vanessa’s cabin, Brooke sitting on a bed with a laptop on her lap while everyone else was standing up. Whether they were fighting or friendly discussing she had no idea.

Up until now, she was trying not to meddle too much on the way Vanessa was dealing with her students. It was clear that the girls respected their Miss Vanjie very much, and got her back just as much as their teacher got theirs, and were very grateful, in their own way, for all the trouble the teacher had gone through to bring them here. But that was about it, there was no hierarchy, no authority, Vanessa talked to her students like she was their friend, let them talk over her, interrupt her, curse at her. Brooke was screaming internally while she watched it all unfold, but as much as none of that was her business, if she wanted to get some alone time with the other woman - which was the real reason she was here, let’s be honest - she needed to get these fucking schedules done, and the way this was going the ETA for that was never.

“Guys, guys, GUYS”, yelled Brooke. She got up, her posture and her height giving her an air of authority that she knew how to use very well. Everyone got quiet and turned to look at her. “Here is what we are going to do: I’m going to sit on this bed and everyone else is going to leave the room. I will call you back inside in alphabetical order and we will schedule your classes one by one. I don’t care if you want to be in the same classes as your best friend. I don’t care if you don’t like to wake up early in the morning. I don’t care if you want to set a break between classes. You will come here, tell me your personal DANCE interests, we will do this in 15 minutes tops and we. will. be. done. If you can not figure yourself out in that timeframe you might as well go home because I will not help you anymore. Is that understood?”

“Yes, miss Hytes” they said in chorus, Vanessa included. This time, Brooke didn’t hate it so much.

“Good. Now leave. Quietly, please. A’keria, you stay,” she sat back down on the bed signaling for A’keria to sit by her side. She waited for the rest of the girls to leave, not missing the almost predatory way Vanessa looked at her before closing the door.

–

Finally, finally the last girl left with a neat schedule set up, excited about her first class in a few minutes, leaving Brooke and Vanessa alone in the secluded cabin, away from all the movement that was happening in the classrooms and recreational areas right now. Brooke was leaning outside by the door, eyes closed, relishing in the silence for a second. She was tired, it had been too much too early in the morning. She would give anything for a cigarette right now.

“Thank you,” said Vanessa, quietly, and Brooke opened her eyes to look at her. “For real. I don’t know what I was gonna do, man. Nobody wanted to help me with this shit.”

“You’re welcome,” Brooke said. “I’m glad they can really enjoy the camp now.”

“I owe you one,” Vanessa said. There was a moment of silence while they just breathed, both feeling the satisfaction after a job well done. Vanessa moved to stand beside Brooke, leaning against the outer wall of the cabin, looking in the general direction of the main buildings. “I kind of want to go after them, you know? Make sure they are going in the right classrooms, not sassing their teachers, not getting into stupid fights.” She slid down, sitting with her arms on her knees. Brooke sit down too, stretching her long legs on the cement floor.

“Are they really that bad? They don’t seem like it,” she said.

“What do you mean?” asked Vanessa, turning to look at Brooke.

“Well, the way you worry you make me think they get into a fight every five minutes. Even last night, you were all over the place and I didn’t see anything happen.”

“Because I stopped it! Didn’t you see Rajah almost going at it with your Nina?”

“Yeah, kinda. I don’t think it would have gone that far though. Especially after knowing her a little better today.” There was a light breeze touching them, and Brooke reached to fix a strand lock of hair away from Vanessa’s face. “I think you can relax a little, trust them a little more.”

“You don’t get it, they don’t always have someone there for them. They are counting on me to have their back if they fuck it up.”

“I know,” Brooke was still touching her hair, with no excuse, and Vanessa was leaning into it. “I do, I get it. But you can’t be there all the time, you’re only human. They have to learn to take the consequences themselves. You’ll be there when it matters.” Vanessa sighed, like she already knew but didn’t want to agree.

“You know, I didn’t expect that coming from you, miss Hytes” she said, getting away from Brooke’s touch in favor of turning and sitting facing her. She had a playful smirk on her face. “Going all military sergeant in there, having me all hot and bothered going ‘yes ma'am, yes sir’, and now you’re telling me to chill? I thought you was gonna put my girls on boot camp or some shit.”

“Oh, so you were all hot and bothered huh?”

“Don’t come at me like you don’t know what you were doing,” Vanessa said, leaning closer, one hand lightly caressing Brooke’s thigh .

“Oh I certainly knew,” said Brooke, completing the distance and kissing her.

It was unreal, the feeling of the wind, the sound of the birds, the smell of her hair. Vanessa’s hand suddenly a solid weight on her thigh, the other flying to Brooke’s neck the moment their lips came together. Vanessa let out a strained noise as their tongues touched and Brooke found herself leaning into her, trying to get closer and deepen the kiss, her hands snaking to Vanessa’s waist, pulling her in.

Vanessa pulled back, pushing Brooke to lean back against the wall again, while she sat closer, both hands framing Brooke’s face. She pressed her thumb against Brooke’s bottom lip, sliding it in a movement that was almost painful and absolutely hot.

“You’re so sexy it should be a crime,” she said in a husky voice, never taking her eyes off of Brooke’s lip, who surged forward with a hand behind Vanessa’s head to bite her bottom lip.

“Look who’s talking,” she practically whispered into her mouth, but before they could resume their passionate kiss or even evolve it into something more, they were startled by the sound of a vibrating phone.

“Jesus Christ!”

“It’s mine,” said Brooke, already picking it up, worried. “Hello?”

She got up in a flash, getting inside the cabin for just enough time to gather her things, with the phone still in her ears. She didn’t say another word.

“Is everything ok?” asked Vanessa, already ready to go too.

“No,” Brooke responded, covering the bottom of her phone so whoever called wouldn’t hear. “It’s Nina. She’s crying.”

Chapter 3: Teenagers, am I right?

“Where is she?” asked Vanessa as they power walked their way to the main buildings.

“Nina where are you?”, asked Brooke to the phone. She was visibly freaking out. “I can’t understand a word,” she huffed at Vanjie, frustrated.

“Gi’me the phone,” responded Vanessa, already taking it from Brooke’s hand. “Nina it’s miss Vanjie, give the phone to whoever is with you sweetie, it’s gonna be alright, don’t you worry.”

“I’ve never seen her cry, Vanessa,” said Brooke, and Vanessa took her hand, giving it a squeeze and not letting it go, hopefully grounding her and letting her know through gesture that she was not alone in this.

“We’re behind the blue building, next to the playground,” came a voice from the phone.

“Playground? A’keria is that you? Wait, there’s a playground here?”

“I know where that is!” said Brooke Lynn, already pulling her to take a right.

“Don’t be mad at me, miss V, I found them like this already”, said A’keria.

“Is someone hurt?” asked Vanessa, and Brooke stopped abruptly to listen to the answer.

“Not physically,” responded A’keria, and Vanessa exhaled, shaking her head at Brooke who quickly resumed her pace.

“What is going on, child?” she asked A’keria.

“I don’t know, I just found them!”

“Them who?”

“Rajah and some girl.”

“We’re almost there,” said Brooke.

“We’re almost there, don’t budge,” said Vanessa.

“You got it,” said A’keria.

The playground was located in the center of a round patio between two large buildings, and Vanjie guessed it wasn’t used very often. It was a gloomy place, almost completely in the shade, the modern playing structures painted in shades of grey and dark red, giving the whole thing a creepy vibe. Nina and Rajah were on a bench by the side of it, Rajah laying down with her head on Nina’s lap, looking at the sky like nothing really mattered anymore. She had clearly been crying but wasn’t doing so anymore. Nina was still crying, but not so much like she was on the phone, just silent tears falling down her red cheeks. She was petting Rajah’s short hair absentmindedly, with a lost expression on her face.

A’keria was sitting on a swing and was the first to see the two teachers arriving, looking like she was ready to bolt the minute they were at a hearing distance. “You stay right there,” said Vanessa pointing at her, predicting what was going to coming out of the girls’ mouth.

Brooke let go of her hand in favor of reaching for Nina, who was just now realizing they were there. Vanessa couldn’t tell when was the last time she had held hands with someone who wasn’t a student. She hadn’t known she missed it.

“Nina, what’s wrong?” asked Brooke, touching the girls’ face delicately. Nina tried to hastily wipe away her tears and smile at her teacher, shaking her head, trying to mutter some excuse, some ‘I’m fine’, but it didn’t work, and the tears kept falling, her face turning even redder. Rajah had sat up at this point, and Brooke pulled Nina off the bench to hug her fiercely. She had been so worried, she had been sure Nina was hurt. She didn’t say it, but Vanjie knew. Just like she knew that, right now, Brooke just needed to feel Nina in her arms and make sure she was safe. A crying mess, but a safe crying mess. She left the two of them to it and sat down next to Rajah, who had her elbows on her knees and her face on her hands.

“So,” she said, a little louder than strictly necessary, but who cares. “What did I do to you that you are actively trying to make me have a heart attack Rajah?” she said, leaning back on the bench and spreading her arms. Rajah shook her head slightly but didn’t move otherwise. Not even a little chuckle. Well, that was worrying. “What did you do, huh? Did you punch Nina on the boob?” she tried. Nothing. “Did Nina punch you on the boob?” She was really starting to get worried now. “Did A’keria punch you and Nina on the boob and went to look at Twitter over there like the little psycho we all knew she was?” She said, winking at A’keria so the girl knew she wasn’t being serious. For a moment she thought she got something out of Rajah and the girl finally laughed a little bit, but on a second glance she realized she had started crying again, silently, trying to hide it. Vanessa’s heart all but broke.

“Rajah, baby,” she said, changing her tone completely and taking the girl’s hands away from her face “talk to me girl. You know I’m here for you, what’s going on? I can’t help you if you hide stuff from me, you know that.” Rajah looked at her, but that only made the tears fall faster.

“I’m going home, that’s all,” she managed to say between sobs. “I don’t belong here, miss V. All these people… I’m sorry, I love you so much miss V, I’m sorry, I just wanna go home.” She said finally, hugging Vanessa and crying on her shoulder.

“A’keria…?” tried Vanjie, hugging Rajah back, confused.

“I told you, I have no idea!” said A’keria from her swing, looking frustrated but sympathetic.

Vanessa turned to Brooke, who was still shushing Nina, but the girl seemed a lot better now. Brooke’s top was a mess from Nina’s tears and maybe even a little snot, but she didn’t look like she cared, gently looking down at her student’s face, her hand in a tight grip around her shoulders like she didn’t want to let her go ever again.

Nina was wiping her face and trying to pull herself together, clearly building up to say something. The adults were waiting, trying not to rush her but at the same time just dying to know what the hell happened.

“Let’s sit down,” said Brooke, guiding her to the bench next to where Rajah and Vanessa were. Nina looked at A’keria hesitantly, very quickly, but Vanjie didn’t miss it.

“A’keria go find a bottle of water for these girls. And I don’t want any gossiping on the way,” she said.

“What do you take me for?” A’keria said.

“A teenager,” responded Vanessa, daring the girl to talk back at her with just a look, but she seemed to get the message and left. When the teacher turned back, Nina looked a bit more at ease.

“So, uh… Rajah had a Modern Dance class with me this morning, with professor Jenkins, from New York?” started Nina. “Except she was late, because of the schedule problem you guys were having. And it’s the first day, you know, some people are gonna be late, it’s normal, but he was being a real dick about it. Sorry, miss Hytes.”

“Curse all you want Nina,” said Brooke encouragingly, petting the girl’s hair with affection. “Just… don’t tell anyone later.”

“Anyway, the class had already started and he was treating us like we were already in college or something, using all these difficult terms, foreign words and all. I was having a hard time following and I had actually heard about it before. Rajah looked really lost, plus the guy had called her out at the beginning. Then we got to practice, and he started to use difficult words again, and not being patient at all, and everyone was having a hard time, but he was being extra harsh on her, I mean, oof, really unnecessary. He gave a whole speech about how people who don’t give their all don’t getting anywhere in life, all this BS about dedicating your whole life to dancing and the arts and being sophisticated and, I mean, I’m really sugar coating it here. It had nothing to do with what we were doing it was just to push her buttons.Then he started to correct people’s postures, and I was almost crying myself because everybody knows I’m a sack of potatoes in any dance class but Rajah, oh my god, it was like he was trying to make her lose her mind, I swear. So she left, obviously, I don’t know how she made it so far.”

“I went after her, ‘cause she was really upset. We ended up here, and I was trying to tell her to not listen to the guy, but then she started to tell me about home. She told me her mom is not there anymore, and she has to take care of her home and her baby brother, who by the way is an actual baby. And how is she going to dedicate her whole life to dance when she literally has to change diapers and cook dinner until her dad comes home? And then she has to deal with all her school work on top of that? And dancing is technically an after-school activity, right? She’s not even allowed to do that! Miss Vanjie had to bend her time backward so she could attend it and…” tears started to form at her eyes again, but she wiped them away, determined to continue, “how was she supposed to know all this fancy wording, we are here to learn not to show off! How dare he come here to humiliate us? But we can’t do anything, he’s a teacher and we are students… but even so, he’s right, dance is hard to do, it is just hard to do! It’s not an easy money job, it’s not something you study on the bus on your way to your part-time job after school, you have to practice, you have to have time, you have to have means, and Rajah is so talented miss Hytes, you had to see her, she was better than everybody, even not knowing the proper terms or never seeing the movements before, even with how mad she was. But she doesn’t have the privilege she doesn’t have the time and there’s nothing I can do, I’m useless, there’s nothing, absolutely nothing I can do for her to be able to do this!”

“Oh, Nina,” said Brooke, enveloping her in a hug once more.

“Then she started crying, then I started crying, and she wanted to run away, and I wanted to stop her and I didn’t know what to do! I tried to think of things, I’ve thought of so many things, but nothing seemed like an actual plan, and then she looked like she was really going to run off on me and I felt so useless. I have got all these things and all this time and I can’t do anything for her, it’s not fair, why doesn’t she get to have it, you know? Why is the world like this, she doesn’t deserve all this dumped on her…”

“You’re rambling sweetie,” said Vanessa kindly.

“I’m sorry,” said Nina, looking down. “I’m sorry I got you guys so worried, I’m sorry if I interrupted something, but Rajah was literally running away and I got so scared.”

“No, you don’t have to be sorry,” said Brooke, “you don’t have to hesitate to call me, ever. I’m your teacher, you have a problem you call me.” She took Nina’s face in her hands to force the girl to look into her eyes. “Are we clear on that?”

Brooke meant to be deadly serious, but she made Nina go a little cross-eyed, so the girl had a laugh suppressed at the corner of her mouth as she nodded. Vanessa, however, had not been trained to be scared of Brooke, and laughed loud and clear.

“You’re gonna turn the girl blind, come on,” she said, and Nina laughed at last, making Brooke smile too, which was a great change of air.

Now Rajah was another story. She had stopped crying sometime in the middle of Nina’s account, but had not yet emerged from her place on Vanessa’s arms. The teacher already knew about all of that, of course. In fact, most of her students had something similar to tell. It was not an easy life, and maybe they would not go on to be professional dancers or whatever life they dreamed of, but that didn’t mean dance couldn’t be an important part of their lives, like it was an important part of hers. And, most importantly, that didn’t mean they couldn’t try to be whatever they wanted to be, just like every other kid on this camp. Maybe it would be harder for them, but it sure as hell wasn’t impossible.

Vanessa felt for Rajah, she really did. She hugged her and placed a kiss on the top of her head while she desperately thought on what to say to convince this wonderful girl that she was worth it, even if just for today. Because she knew there was nothing nobody could do that would help her until she convinced herself that she could make it, and Vanjie had been trying to get this thick-skulled girl to understand how talented and capable she was for months now.

“Now what I’m trying to decide is,” she finally said. “Do I kill the motherfucker or just scare him so bad that he gets away scarred for life?”

This time, she could feel Rajah laughing. Thank God.

–

It took some time and a great deal of Nina to convince Rajah to attend her next class. It helped that Brooke knew the teacher and could say in advance that she was, in fact, not a jerk. It also helped that A’keria was in that class too, and Rajah went in already feeling more at ease. Nina was still a little shook, feeling like her optimistic world had shattered around her, alternating between making plans to change the world in a day and talking like it was all pointless every five minutes, but they gathered she would be fine.

Vanessa was already over it, it was not her first rodeo with dramatic teenagers nor entitled dickheads who called themselves educators. But Brooke Lynn, she was livid. She was still sitting on that playground bench when Vanjie returned from delivering Rajah and A’keria to their class, taking a moment to have a word with the teacher while she was at it, just in case.

Brooke was a vision: Her legs were crossed, her spine so straight it looked like it was about to snap, one hand resting delicately on her leg while the other brushed at her jaw. She was looking straight forward, but her eyes were unfocused. She had her jaw clenched and her nostrils were flaring. Vanjie wanted to take a picture. Would that be creepy? Probably. Besides, it felt like she was walking towards a lioness who was ready to pounce at any minute.

“You look like you’re plotting a murder,” she said. Brooke didn’t budge a hair, only moving her eyes in the fraction of a second to look at Vanessa as she approached.

“I am,” she said, and Vanessa didn’t know if she was turned on or scared.

“I don’t think we can do anything,” she said, finding herself torn between sitting practically on Brooke’s lap or a little far away so she could just look at her better. What was going on with her today? She chose to sit casually close, rolling her eyes at herself. “I would be the first to go there and point my finger at the guy’s face and yell at him for the whole place to hear, believe me. But I’ve been there, done that, and it just makes you look bad. He didn’t really do anything wrong, you know?”

“No crime in being an asshole,” said Brooke, deflating a little.

“Exactly.”

Brooke gave a deep sigh, leaning to rest her head on Vanessa’s shoulder, whose insides did a somersault at the unexpected touch. She inhaled deeply, trying to imprint the other woman’s smell to memory, and took her hand again, just because, lacing their finger together and caressing the back of it, feeling the softness of her skin.

“I see why Nina was so upset, this is frustrating,” she said quietly.

“She’s really something else, huh?”

“She’s amazing. And the son of a bitch made her cry,” said Brooke, squeezing Vanessa’s hand in a burst of anger.

“You know, we could file a complaint or whatever and it’ll be the end of it,” said Vanessa, biting her lip and asking the heavens what was it about this girl that made her feel like she was 15 again. “OR we could take the immature path and key his car or something.”

“You’re serious?“ asked Brooke, getting up to look at Vanessa, who couldn’t help but smile at her eagerness.

“I am if you are,” she responded.

“What could we do though?” Brooke smiled. She was excited already and Vanessa loved it. “Not key his car, I think there are cameras on the parking lot.”

“Not that I have any experience with this kind of stuff, I’m a very good girl, very nice past, clean record and all,” said Vanessa, “but we should learn a little bit of his habits and whatnot, see what he does, what would piss him off the most. Revenge is a bitch better served cold, you know.”

“A dish,” laughed Brooke.

“What?” said Vanessa, confused.

“Never mind,” responded Brooke, planting a firm kiss on Vanessa’s mouth before getting up. “Let’s do this.”

“What, right now?”, but she was already being dragged across that creepy playground by a determined Brooke, ready to pull a prank on a teacher for the first time in years. Sure, because she was mad for Rajah, but a lot more because she wanted to impress Brooke. She was supposed to be keeping the teenagers at bay here, but apparently she forgot to take a look at her own 15-year-old self.

Chapter 4: A lesbian thing

Nina West’s mind was going a million miles per hour. She was sitting under a gorgeous shade tree almost at the edge of the camp, with a diet soda on one hand and her phone on the other, thumbing through dozens of open tabs on charity organizations, efficient ways to deal with complicated problems, how to better use your privilege, how art helps save the world, and several other search results. Every article sparkled a new idea or inspired a new question and she was getting a little overwhelmed.

She wasn’t missing any class, her day had already ended, but she was starting to consider that maybe dancing wasn’t supposed to be her schtick after all. There was just so much she could be doing, in so many ways, in so many different areas. She was really good with people, maybe that could be useful not only to stop her friends from running away, like she did this morning, but to be useful in a meaningful way, in a long term way, to help lots and lots of people!

Help lots of people with what though? Save the world from what? There was so much going on! So many problems! So many wonderful causes! Ugh, she really needed to focus.

She put her phone down for a second while she sipped the last stale drops of her soda and tried to think straight. She needed a cause. She was just one girl, she couldn’t help feed the poor and clean the oceans at the same time. She read that during her research, by the way. Maybe she could, though, if she planned it right. How many things could a person do at once?

She was just about to plunge into research again when her thoughts were completely led astray as she spotted two figures making their way behind the administration building. Nina could only see them because she was right at the edge of the property, and could see both the long stretch of buildings in front of her and some of the ones that went into the side, right at the very back, before a stretch of lawn and then the woods. Which meant there was no reason for someone to be there if not to do something they didn’t want anyone else to see. Now, when that involved two people… suffice it to say, Nina got very interested.

She perked her neck to try and see if she could recognize who it was. She hadn’t had time to get to know everybody on camp yet, but she had noticed there weren’t many boys so if it was a straight couple or two guys, it wouldn’t be too hard to spot later on. She was cheering for that only for the sake of brevity, but no luck, even from that distance she could already see both were pretty curvy.

They were getting closer, but slowly. The taller one was acting like she was the comic relief of a bad detective movie. Nina laughed through her nose, what were they up to? It seemed like the couple had stopped to whisper-fight, so she risked getting up and quickly making her way to the outer wall closest to her, since they probably wouldn’t spot her while they were turned to each other. She pushed her phone and the empty can of soda into her skirt pockets the quietest way possible and took a peak, keeping most of her body hidden behind the corner.

She was much closer now, and could see the couple crouched under a large window a few yards away from her. She still couldn’t hear them but there was no mistaking who they were. Her jaw all but dropped to the floor because never in her wildest dreams she thought she would see her elegant, serious and disciplined dance teacher crouched down, hiding, looking shady as fuck, behind a building, giggling. But the mystery was solved as soon as she identified figure number 2 as none other than miss Vanjie, who was actually trying to make Miss Hytes stop giggling, with no success whatsoever. She had a hand on Miss Hytes’ cheek and was talking to her. It seemed to be working for a moment, but she must have said something wrong, because the next moment Miss Hytes was falling on the grass butt first, her whole body shaking with laughter. She actually laid down, with Miss Vanjie covering her mouth and gesturing her to keep it quiet, but smiling widely herself. As Miss Hytes’ laughter died down, Miss Vanjie took her hand away from her mouth, and they stayed there, looking at each other and smiling.

Nina took a picture. It was just too cute.

Miss Vanjie leaned down to kiss Miss Hytes on the lips. Nina’s eyebrows shot up, surprised. She knew there was something going on with the two of them, and was very proud of herself to have meddled her way into making it happen, but she didn’t expect to see it like that. She felt like intruding an intimate moment, but she couldn’t stop staring. They were very good looking.

It was over before she had time to overthink it. Miss Vanjie offer a hand and Miss Hytes got up, the couple resuming their amateur-spies activities, crouching at eye level with a large window, looking inside, seemingly waiting for something to happen.

After a few minutes, Nina became impatient.

–

They were looking inside the office, trying to identify something, anything that could give them a clue, a piece of inside information on this uptight new yorker dancer that could result in a good enough prank. Something to give them an idea good enough to leave them with a feeling of satisfaction, of “I bet you don’t like that very much huh, dickhead”. It was hard when the guy had been there just for a day, though. Which had been the answer for pretty much all they had done and thought about since deciding they would do this ridiculous thing.

Brooke had felt excited at first, like she was doing something rebellious, courageous. Then she felt giddy, like she was doing something wrong and maybe she would get caught. Like she was being very badass and Vanessa was seeing it. But now, sitting duck at this dusty window, she was just feeling stupid. Maybe this was too much.

“What you guys doing?” came a voice from behind them, and Brooke was pretty sure her soul jumped right out of her body and rubber banded itself back.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” said Vanessa, as her nails dug into Brooke’s arm.

They turned/fell to see a smiling Nina, looking innocent as all heaven. But Brooke knew her better, she looked like she was having fun. She squinted her eyes at her and the girl chuckled.

“You guys missed the adm building, you came too far,” she said, pointing to the obvious division between the two buildings just a few feet away from them. Brooke Lynn hid her face behind her hands.

“So what are you guys doing?” said Nina again, sitting on the grass like she was making herself comfortable for a long session of storytelling.

“None of your business, weren’t you having an identity crisis this morning? Why don’t you go back to that?” said Vanessa.

“Yeah, I’m all about helping now,” said Nina, still smiling, “you guys seem like you need help.”

“Maybe we just want to be alone, Nina,” said Brooke, frustrated. She could deal with being childish to herself or Vanessa, but not in front of one of her students! Nina looked at her skeptically but didn’t say anything. For some reason, Brooke felt grateful for that.

“Nina I’m gonna be honest with you,” said Vanessa.

“No, don’t be honest with her!” said Brooke.

“We’re doing a thing. You can’t be part of it,” said Vanessa.

“Why not?” asked Nina.

“That’s a good question,” said Vanessa. ”Brooke?” both Vanessa and Nina turned to look at her, who just gaped like a fish for a second.

“Uh… because…” she looked at Nina, who was so smart and so sweet. She didn’t deserve this. But before Brooke could come clean and end all this buffoonery, Vanessa caught the look on her face and interrupted.

“Alright, Brooke doesn’t wanna say it, I didn’t wanna say, but we love you, you deserve the truth, Nina. You don’t deserve lies we make up at the moment,” said Vanessa, and for a moment Brooke really believed she would tell the truth. ”It’s a lesbian thing. I can’t say no more,” she said, throwing her hands up with an air of surrender.

“What?” exclaimed Nina, and Brooke almost did the same, but caught herself in time.

“Yes,” she completed instead, surprised with her own seriousness, looking right at Nina and putting her classroom face on. “I’m sorry but we can’t discuss it with you. It would be inappropriate. I’m sure you can understand.” Nina’s eyes were wide and her face as red as a tomato in a split second.

“Oh my God!”, said Nina, getting up in a flash. “I’m gonna go, I’m sorry I was so intrusive! I didn’t realize, I thought you guys were spying on someone! I’m so sorry, I…” she said, giving a few steps away. “What is it though?” she asked, turning back. “No, I really don’t wanna know! Nope!” she said, walking away again. “But is it, like, something sexual?” she came back to whisper. “Oh wow, I should not have asked that, forget I said that!” she said, turning back again, “‘cause it doesn’t make sense with the window, I mean, is it a fetish?” she came back once again to ask, “oh my God what am I doing? Goodbye!” she said, going away for good this time, and the teachers could hear her talking to herself and see her gesticulating when they couldn’t hear her anymore. It was a true miracle both Vanessa and Brooke managed to wait until the girl was completely out of view to explode in laughter, leaning on each other, trying to keep it down just in case Nina could still hear them.

“‘A lesbian thing’, oh my god,” said Brooke as tears of laughter fell from her eyes.

“I can’t believe it worked,” said Vanessa in a similar state, lying on the ground with her arm on her own shaking stomach.

By the time they calmed down, they were both lying down on the grass, tears in their eyes and stomachs and cheeks aching. Vanessa propped her head on Brooke’s belly, who put one hand on the shorter woman’s hair and the other resting on her stomach.

“I really should feel bad for lying to her,” said Brooke, still having a few spasms of laughter here and there.

“It is a thing that two lesbians are doing, it was not a lie,” said Vanessa.

“Well, when you say it like that… And it would be inappropriate to discuss with her.”

“See? It all works out fine!” said Vanessa, taking Brooke’s hand to fidget with her fingers.

“Maybe we should call it out,” said Brooke.

“What, you’re not angry anymore?”

“I am! It just feels… I don’t know, I’ve never done something like this before.”

“You never pulled a prank before?” asked Vanessa, getting up to look at Brooke’s face. “Not even on Halloween or April fools or when your ex cheated on you or something?”

“No,” said Brooke, “how boring, right?”

“Baby, you are everything but boring,” said Vanessa seriously. “Now we have no choice, we have to do it!” Brooke smiled and sat up too, getting her mouth very close to Vanessa’s ear to whisper:

“So you wanna turn me into a bad girl?”

She didn’t know if Vanessa found it sexy or cheesy, but it earned her a kiss anyway.

–

They didn’t have much time to spend together after that. Classes were over and both went to tend to their students. With all that happened between Nina and Rajah, they thought it would be nice if they mixed their groups during dinner, which ended up being fun, if exhausting. Brooke also took it as an opportunity to fix Rajah’s schedule so she wouldn’t have any more classes with Dickhead New-yorker. Suddenly everyone wanted to do the same in solidarity, and it was a whole ordeal in itself, but they could all see how happy Rajah was by the end of it, so it was worth it. By the time the night rolled in, they barely had time to say goodbye to each other before herding their tired students to their cabins.

Next morning they sat together again, and Brooke noticed some of her girls were talking louder than usual already. She smiled, finding she didn’t mind it at all. However, she didn’t spare them of a reminder to behave well in their classes after breakfast, but if she added a casual “have fun” at the end of her speech, it was nobody’s business.

The two teachers stayed at the table as their students went away. Brooke was staring unashamedly at Vanessa, already thinking about what they could spend their morning doing. It involved an empty cabin and a locked door.

“Miss Brooke Lynn Hytes?” asked a young man in a uniform, pulling Brooke away from her fantasies. “And you are Miss Vanessa Mateo, right? How convenient I would find both of you together!,” he said, chirpily. Brooke had a bad feeling about this. “Mrs Smith wants to see you both in her office.”

“Who dat?” asked Vanessa. Brooke chuckled.

“She’s the camp’s administrator,” she told Vanessa.

“Oh, right.”

“Are you guys finished eating? I can accompany you to her office,” said the young man politely. They obliged.

“Why are we being called to the principal’s office? We did nothing yet,” whispered Vanessa while they walked side by side a few steps behind the guy, towards the administration building. “Did we do something that I don’t know about?”

“I didn’t do anything by myself if that’s what you’re asking,” whispered Brooke back. “Stop acting guilty, it could be anything,” Vanessa only responded to that with a cynical facial expression. In all honesty, Brooke was kind of nervous too. She had been acting out of her normal controlled self and couldn’t help but think she was being punished for it, even if it didn’t make any sense. She also couldn’t shake away the thought that the universe was punishing her for believing she could have something as good and easy as Vanessa in her life.

She felt her hand being taken by the other woman, as if on cue. She looked at her as she gave a reassuring smile and a quick squeeze to her fingers, letting it go before they arrived at Mrs Smith’s office.

It wasn’t the most impressive office Brooke had ever been in, but it was clearly the biggest she would find in this place, with a simple but elegant decoration on the wooden shelves and a decent sized mahogany desk. Mrs. Smith was on the chair behind it with a neutral expression, politely listening to the man sat across from her.

It was Jenkins, aka Dickhead New-yorker.

Chapter 5: The dance

Notes:

In my head, the song they dance to is Orpheus by Sara Bareilles, but in your head it can be another one!

In her many years as a teacher, Brooke had sat through countless speeches she had had to just hold on until they were over. Entitled parents were the most common, those who believed their offspring were somehow better than the other students and therefore deserved special treatment and better grades just for being the special flowers their parents believed them to be. Arrogant men were another common one, those who saw in her beauty or simply her gender a sign that she should be explained even the most basic concepts, even though she was quite literally an educator herself. She was learning how to deal with her annoyance in those situations better lately, feeling less and less like one of these days she would just slap someone in the face just to shut them up.

Which was exactly how she was feeling right now. She was grasping at the armrest of her chair as she listened to Jenkins talk. Turns out he had noticed the sudden drop of numbers on his classes, as not only had both Vanessa and Brooke’s entire groups dropped out at once, several other students also removed themselves after some good old gossip got around. But since their groups were the only ones to do so entirely and at the same time, it was not so hard to figure out they were at the bottom of this. From what Brooke could gather so far, he had more than half his students quit overnight, and was making sure to make a whole drama about it.

The speech was long, and had too many unnecessary tangents, but it was clear he knew the whole thing had blown out of proportion after he had someone leave his class on the verge of crying. On his account, he was making Rajah sound like a gangster member who was spitting on his floor and flipping him the finger while Nina cheered her on. It was infuriating and borderline racist.

Brooke was struggling to maintain her calm, but she was more worried about Vanessa. She had both arms and legs crossed and was shaking her foot that wasn’t on the floor rhythmically. Brooke couldn’t see her face because of the way their chairs were turned, but she could kind of picture it and it wasn’t good.

It all turned south when the Dickhead started, unsurprisingly, to talk about discipline. Brooke had seen this coming, and had expected some talk about behavior in the classroom, and some responsibility about the situation to fall on Vanessa. But he was actually questioning the camp’s decision to accept Vanessa’s group entirely. He was talking about standards and jeopardizing the other student’s opportunity and all this bullshit that had absolutely nothing to do with what happened at all. He hadn’t even met Vanessa or the other girls, for Christ sake! Granted, they weren’t the quietest or most eloquent of people, but they were honest and talented and bottom-line good people, he had no right to criticize any of that or their right to be here!

They had previously agreed to let him finish his story first before any of them laid their 2 cents about anything at all, but this was just too much. Vanessa uncrossed her legs and leaned forward to point a finger at Jenkins’ face in one angry movement.

“Listen,” said Vanessa, but it was too late because Brooke was already mid-sentence and this ship had sailed miss thing, and she was not stopping.

“I’m sorry Mrs. Smith but it is of my understanding that none of the schools that currently take part on this camp were evaluated to meet any sort of criteria by your administration as long as the documentation they submitted were in order, am I correct?

“Well, yes, that’s true,” said Mrs. Smith, “but if we could please wait for Mr. Jen-”

“In that same sense no student has been submitted to any kind of test or audition to be here, and it would have been quite contrary to the camp’s own purposes to do so since, I don’t know if you are aware Mr. Jenkins, we are all looking to provide a diverse and comprehensive opportunity for the students here, so they can be inspired and better grounded as they grow up and trace their own path in the professional dance environment, values that are completely opposite to what you have provided in your classes here.” Brooke was looking him dead in the eye and was pleased to see he was speechless, if not a little afraid. “I have read the literature that backs up this whole program with care, Mr. Jenkins, something you appear to not have done yourself. I would have not brought my very selected group of students here had I not expected this place to offer every bit of diversity in curriculum and in people that it does, and even in two days I’m already seeing the benefits for my students and even for myself. I will not sit here and hear you suggest that art should be restricted and dance should be a privilege. Even if I was to entertain the idea that any skillset should be a criteria for learning, which sounds ridiculous and let me remind you that we are talking about children here, not adults or even undergraduates, I’m certain that most of miss Mateo’s students would surpass my own in any given evaluation, since I took the time to actually know them individually before laying any judgements.” She turned to Mrs. Smith. “I must say, I am very disappointed at the camp’s decision to bring this gentleman here and submit hundreds of children to this kind of point of view.” Brooke got up. Her heart was pounding and everybody else in the room had a look of surprise on their faces. The dickhead flinched slightly at her imposing presence. She didn’t even want to look at him anymore. “If you still wish to talk to me about this decision I will be at your disposal, Mrs. Smith. As it is, I believe my and Miss Mateo’s intentions are clear and I don’t think there’s anything else to say about it.” She nodded and left.

“If you want, Mrs. Smith, you can ask the other teachers about my girls. They are very grateful and happy to here, and I am too,” said Vanessa getting up too and extending her hand to shake Mrs. Smith’s. “Have a nice day,” she flashed a charming smile at the woman and turned to follow Brooke, who was already leaving.

Brooke was stomping, walking fast and in large steps as she made her way through the corridors. Where to, she didn’t know, she was too angry to think about that right now. It took a moment until Vanessa managed to catch up. They were going through a large hallway now, and Brooke’s steps were echoing as her heels hit the floor hard.

“Bitch! What was that? Now if you had a cape, the exit you did, it would’ve looked like a movie, you went Malef- Malo- what’s the bitch called? You went all bad witch of the west, north, and south on them hoes,” Vanessa was talking, laughing and gesticulating, ”and the look on your face? Ooh, if looks could kill the guy would be dead, muerto, buried 10 feet down, turned into a zombie and eaten alive, haha!”

“That’s not how zombies work,” said Brooke, pulling Vanessa into a dark nook between the exit door of the building and the end of the hallway.

“I was gonna give it to him too, you know, but you did good,” she said, still looking energized, like she didn’t even realize Brooke had maneuvered her to stand against the wall.

“Are you mad I stepped over you?” asked Brooke, taking a metaphorical step back, trying to come down from the anger-fuelled high she was riding right now. This was something she tended to do and didn’t like very much about herself. Vanessa smiled though, hooking her fingers on Brooke’s belt loops to pull her closer.

“No. Keep going,” she said, and Brooke did, doing what she wanted to do from the moment they stepped foot outside of that office and took Vanessa by her thighs to hoist her up and against the wall, where her small frame fit perfectly against Brooke’s taller built. Vanessa gasped, hooking her legs tightly at Brooke’s hip. She promptly threw her arms at Brooke’s shoulders to hold on and leaned down as hungrily as Brooke leaned up, and they met in the middle in a fierce kiss.

It was bitey and forceful and perfect. Brooke was getting hot all over and risking losing her balance from how much Vanessa was moving against her, seemingly trying to get even closer. She started rolling her hips and tangle her fingers in Brooke’s hair and she would have given anything to have a bed close by right now.

“I hear something,” Vanessa pulled back to say, breathlessly.

“What?” said Brooke, her eyes still half closed, her mind foggy.

“Shit, I think it’s lunchtime already,” said Vanessa squirming. “Put me down,” she laughed, slapping Brooke in the shoulders.

“Oh, right,” Brooke responded, obliging. Vanessa reached up to fix her lipstick for her before she tried to pull herself together. Brooke’s brain came back online just in time for her to fix her hair before they were emerging from their nook to join a few students who were making their way to the cafeteria. It wasn’t as busy as a regular school’s hallway, which made it much easier from them to be spotted from yards away by a group of their own students.

“Of course,” murmured Brooke, praying she wasn’t blushing like the teenage girl she might as well just admit she had already become. As the girls got closer they all had knowing smiles in their faces, and they started walking to the cafeteria together, because what else could they do?

“I wonder what you guys might have been doing out there?” asked Yvie, tapping her chin theatrically.

“Oh I don’t know, Yvie, so many things to be doing in a dark corner that goes nowhere,” completed A’keria with a sideways smile.

“I’m so tired of you girls I swear to God,” said Vanessa, rolling her eyes.

They had to suffer the teasing all the way to the cafeteria, until Nina said something on the lines of “I’m so happy for you guys” and nobody had the heart to make mean jokes anymore.

–

The afternoon passed in a blur. They ended up having to talk to Mrs. Smith again because, as it turns out, storming off in the middle of a meeting doesn’t close down administration files. They did so separately, and Nina and Rajah had to go in too, to tell their version of the story and clear everything up.

It ended in nothing, just as they predicted it would if they had opened a complaint themselves. The camp’s activities were set to continue as normal, including Jenkins’s classes, even with half the number of students.

However, their accidental silent protest had a better result than any administrative action or successful prank ever could: his ego got real hurt. Jenkins was pissed at Brooke and made sure everybody knew, and became even more pissed that she didn’t give two shits about it. He was used to being treated like an esteemed professor, not a teacher that nobody liked or cared about.

By the time dinner rolled by, he could be spotted fuming at the guest teacher’s table, trying to find someone new to complain to, without any success. Vanessa even changed seats, sacrificing her usual spot in front of Brooke in favor of sitting on the other corner of the table so she could just look at him and even give him a little wave once or twice just to see him get even madder.

Everybody left the cafeteria in a good mood. The girls were chatting happily about their next day, who would be the last day of classes. Both their groups were set to leave Friday morning, so they could get home by late afternoon since they lived a few hours away from camp. Brooke already knew that, of course, but her insides clenched as she realized tomorrow was the last day she would spend on her summer-romance bubble with Vanessa. She had a gloomy look as she said goodbye and went with her girls to their cabin.

She left them to their own night routine and went to get some fresh air. They all looked so tired she didn’t even worry they would do anything else than sleep. She didn’t go far, sitting down on the grass with a clear view from the sky but also a clear view from her cabin door (you could never be too careful). She laid down completely and looked up. She didn’t know any constellations, but she didn’t have to to admire how pretty it was to look at the night sky from the countryside.

She was trying to organize her thoughts, but it was like her mind already knew it was going to be useless, and it couldn’t have been more than five minutes before she felt another body lying down beside her. She smiled. She didn’t even have to look to know who it was.

“I swear it was like I knew you were gonna show up,” she said.

“Am I that predictable?” said Vanessa.

“Not by a long shot,” said Brooke, turning her head to look at her, who did the same. “Maybe I beetlejuiced you here with my thoughts.”

“Would have been easier to call,” said Vanessa.

“I couldn’t,” said Brooke looking down and reaching to touch her fingers. “I don’t have your number.”

Vanessa looked dumbfounded for a second. Then she exploded in laughter and Brooke jumped up to shush her as quickly as possible so they could remain unperturbed.

“I can’t believe you almost fucked me against a wall today and I haven’t even given you my number, what kind of a cheap corner prostitute am I?” said Vanessa, shaking her head with a hand on her forehead. Brooke couldn’t help but laugh with her, as she laid on her side with her head propped up.

“The kind that needs a business card down her bra?”

“Funny,” responded Vanessa sarcastically. “Give me your phone then,” she said, extending her hand. Brooke smiled shyly as she did so. She felt giddy, and it didn’t make sense because obviously they would exchange numbers, but it felt like an achievement nonetheless.

“What are you doing?” asked Brooke, because Vanessa bit her tongue and smiled goofily as she typed. She tried to take a peak but Vanessa turned the phone away.

“I’m putting down my name and sending a text to myself, you’ll see it later,” she said, before closing everything down and locking the screen, and instead of giving the phone back on Brooke’s hand, she put it directly inside her pocket. Brooke didn’t mind, knowing she would have a sure reason to smile later on.

Vanessa’s smile was starting to fade, her eyes searching Brooke’s with an expressing she didn’t know yet. Brooke didn’t want to have a serious conversation. She wanted to live in this happy, easy bubble for one more day, just one more day. Tomorrow night they could talk about it and make promises to each other just to spend the night thinking if the other one would really keep it or not, if they would be able to keep it themselves. Tomorrow she could start counting how many ways this could go wrong. They didn’t have to do this right now.

Vanessa inhaled sharply, as if to say something.

Brooke sat up and caught her hand between hers.

“Dance with me,” she whispered. Vanessa exhaled.

“Okay,” said Vanessa sitting up too.

Brooke flipped her phone so the loudspeakers were pointing outside of her pocket, setting the music loud enough so they could hear it but not too much so they wouldn’t worry about it calling any unwanted attention. She picked a song she was listening to recently almost at random, one that she liked the beat, didn’t think about it too much.

She put her hands on Vanessa’s waist, who put her hands on Brooke’s shoulders. They swayed slowly and hesitantly for the first beats of the song. What a beautiful song, Brooke thought, what a beautiful woman. Her heartbeat increased as the singer let out the first verses. Vanessa closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the song. Brooke suddenly realized they were both dancers, they didn’t need to sway like shy prom dates. She slid one of her hands to the small of Vanessa’s back while the other reached to take the shorter woman’s hand from her shoulder. Brooke’s posture changed and she felt Vanessa’s body understand what she was doing. She felt her spine align and her step grow lighter. Her smile changed and her eyes opened with a new shine.

Brooke guided Vanessa into a swirl, experimentally, and it was wonderful, both in sight and in sensation. She didn’t have to think to know she didn’t have to hold back as they moved freely into the song. Brooke could feel how her precise movements complemented Vanessa’s unstoppable energy, as she watched and felt her partner arching and twirling and going away only to get closer again. At one point she actually lifted Vanessa up with no words exchanged between them, holding her as they spun and Vanessa threw her head and arms back, smiling, flying, and then came back, touching Brooke’s face and neck as she put her down and they resumed their movements on the ground.

The song ended with them enveloped in a tight hug, Vanessa on her tiptoes. Brooke didn’t want to let her go, ever. She never experienced something like this in her entire life.

“I missed dancing,” Brooke felt more than heard Vanessa murmur, her face pressed against her neck.

Brook kept quiet, burying her nose on the other woman’s hair, afraid of what might come out of her mouth if she let herself speak. Eventually, she felt Vanessa loosening her grip to fall back on the balls of her feet. She framed her face and kissed her, a sweet, short kiss, but it felt like the most important kiss they had shared so far.

When she pulled back, Vanessa’s eyes looked watery.

She yawned.

“Sorry, baby,” she said, still yawning. Brooked chuckled fondly, and then yawned too.

“Maybe we should go to bed,” she said, trying to hold it back and failing.

“Yeah,” responded Vanessa. They still walked together to Brooke’s cabin, very very slowly, but didn’t say anything else, still drunk on dance and each other. “Sweet dreams,” said Vanessa as they got to Brooke’s door, giving her a kiss on the cheek before she continued to her own cabin.

Brooke opened the door with a smile that just wouldn’t go away. As she got inside, she noticed movement on the bed by the window. Nina’s bed.

“If you filmed the dance send it to me,” she got close to whisper into the girl’s ear.

“Okay”, Nina whispered back.

Chapter 6: The picnic

Brooke had noticed Nina was up and ready earlier than the rest of the group. She pulled her aside to ask if she was okay, but let her be and leave early if she wanted to. It was none of her business, really, and she seemed her usual happy self. She was sure there was nothing to worry about, there was no reason for her to be nosy.

Maybe she should have been a little nosy, after all.

They were walking lazily to breakfast when Nina showed up out of nowhere and hooked her arm with Brooke’s, catching her by surprise and pulling her aside to a hidden path between the trees.

“What the hell Nina?” she exclaimed, already hidden by the trees when she managed to pull back and stop herself from being dragged away (wow, Nina was strong!).

“Come on, I wanna show you something,” Nina responded, excited.

“No, no come on. You don’t just drag people to the woods like that, I didn’t even say anything to the girls, what’s going on?”

“Oh, don’t worry about them, they know,” Nina said, dismissively, catching Brooke’s arm again and resuming their walk. Brooke decided to humor her for now.

“What do you mean they know? What do they know?”

“It’s a surprise,” Nina said, with an adorable smile. Sometimes Brooke wished she could hate her just a little bit. “It’s gonna be wonderful! And don’t worry, this time I’m not gonna peak, I promise. Besides, we all have class anyway. I’m telling you too much, put these on!” She said, putting a sleep mask over Brooke’s head.

“What-“ said Brooke, already reaching to take it off, but Nina caught both her hands, guiding her a few more steps forward.

“It’s fine, we’re already here, sit down now,” she said, gently pulling her down. Brooke was so confused she couldn’t even be mad.

“Nina what are you doing? Are you sure you’re okay? Did someone give you something?” said Brooke worried. Her mind didn’t even consider that Nina could be setting her up to something bad-intentioned, this was just… weird. But Nina was still holding her hands, patting them reassuringly, and it wasn’t long until Brooke heard it and it all started to make sense.

“… I will whoop your ass girl, I don’t care if it’s child abuse, it’s goddamn self-defense is what it is, if you think I’m not gonna do it just because I love you, you got another thing coming! You mother… effing children playing with me like I’m your goddamn dolls. A’KERIA I CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING let’s see how funny it is when I tell your grandmama you out here playing kidnapping, how about that? I will laugh at your face then see how you like someone making a fool out of you,” Brooke could hear Vanessa speaking from far away until she was, she guessed, right in front of her. It was all in one breath too, god knows how she did it.

“Sit down and… be quiet for a second miss V, we’re here, you’ll see…” said A’keria, clearly struggling.

“No, I’ll not be quiet, who do you think you are to tell me to be quiet?” said Vanessa even louder, “I’m your teacher, I tell you to be quiet not the other way around. Stop fighting me! Why is no one helping me what is this place, child murder camp?”

“I’m here too if that helps,” said Brooke, who was still blindfolded but much calmer now that she could kind of figure out what the girls have been planning. She could hear that the commotion Vanessa was causing went down significantly once she heard her voice

“It’s a good surprise miss Vanjie! Come one, sit down,” said Nina, and Brooke felt her going away, presumably to help guide Vanessa down like she did to her.

“Well you could have just said that,” said Vanessa, much calmer but still with an edge.

“We did!” Said A’keria and another voice in chorus. Apparently, Vanessa had needed 2 girls to drag her over. Brooke chuckled at the thought.

“Can I take this thing out of my face now?” asked Brooke.

“Wait! Not yet!” said Nina, “let me just-“

“Girl, it’s perfect, come on, let’s leave them alone,” said A’keria.

“Alright,” said Nina. “We’re going. You guys count until 10 or something and then you can take the blindfolds off.”

“Bye,” they said all together, and Brooke could hear their steps and giggles going away. She had butterflies in her stomach and a stupid smile on her face.

“Ready?” she said to Vanessa, which felt weird because everything was so silent now she just had to trust she was there.

“I feel stupid,” she heard her response back.

“I’ll take that as a yes. I’m taking it off,” she announced as she lifted the sleep mask from her face.

They were in a beautiful grove, surrounded by big trees with thick layers of leaves that created almost a magical atmosphere around them. The light breeze, the sound of the birds and the scattered rays of sunlight that managed to get through making it all seem kind of ethereal. They were sat over a thick cloth in an earthy tone of yellow, with about a dozen paper plates with plenty of food items carefully arranged sitting between them, and colorful wildflowers scattered around. It was beautiful, and the effort paired with the simplicity made it the most heartwarming thing Brooke had seen in her entire life.

“They made us a fucking picnic,” said Vanessa, who was sitting across from her, having taken her blindfold off and looking around too. She looked a little disheveled, probably a result of the fight she put up against her students until they got her here. Her hair was wilder than usual, moving with the breeze that also moved the leaves all around them. She could have stepped right out of Brooke’s dreams.

“They did,” she said. She didn’t know what to do, what else to say. It was perfect. Scary perfect. “Hi,” she settled for.

Vanessa looked into her eyes, then started crying.

“Oh, no no no,” Brooke said, getting up to carefully get around their food and sit beside Vanessa to pull her into a comforting hug. “Why are you crying, baby? Don’t cry.”

“Look how fucking nice this is!” she said, “I can’t count how many times I had to yell at A’keria because she was late to school, but she woke up at the crack of dawn today to do this for me?” she said. Brooke couldn’t say anything, she felt a sting behind her eyes for the same reasons herself. She let Vanessa cry, shushing her in her arms and smiling fondly, feeling her own heart swell because she felt like the luckiest person in the entire world. After a moment, Vanessa calmed down and pulled back from Brooke’s embrace to look at her face seriously. “I think I slapped her back there, for real.”

Brooke snorted. She really tried to keep it in because Vanessa looked so guilty and she didn’t want to offend her by mistake, but it was impossible. She covered her mouth but the laughter escaped by her nose, her body shaking. Vanessa pursed her lips and pushed her back, but in a second she was laughing too.

Her smile, Brooke didn’t think she had ever seen a girl with a prettier smile.

“You look right out of a fairytale,” she said, without thinking. When did she become so corny?

“I bet, after being kidnapped, blindfolded and crying?” Vanessa responded, wiping her tears self-consciously. Brooke reached up to touch her face and wipe a tear from the corner of her eye with her thumb. Vanessa honest-to-god sighed, leaning in to kiss her in the cheek for a long moment. She pulled back but surged forward to kiss her in the lips as if she was being pulled by some sort of magnetic force. Brooke tilted her head and deepened the kiss, but Vanessa pulled back. There she was with that expression again, searching Brooke’s eyes for something she didn’t recognize. “I wear my heart on my sleeve, you know,” she said, quietly. “You’re not like that,” Brooke must have shown something on her face when hearing that, because Vanessa quickly put a hand on her arm to reassure her. “No, let me finish. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. It’s just who you are, boo, and I like who you are, I-” she paused, looked away for a second, “I really like you, actually, ” she said, looking into Brooke’s eyes again. “But I have no idea what you think of me. I know we barely know each other and this is all, I don’t know…”

“Like a very nice bubble,” completed Brooke.

“Yeah. But it’s about to pop, baby. Tomorrow we’re gone but it’s not like we’re gonna be that far apart. You’re not going to the other side of the country, we’re gonna be 15 minutes away, you know what I mean? I can’t just pretend I haven’t been thinking about that! But you, I don’t know what’s been going on that pretty little head of yours, not unless you tell me,” she said. She looked at Brooke like she asked a question and was waiting for an answer. But Brooke didn’t know what to give her. Didn’t know how to say what Vanessa wanted to hear.

“I like you too,” said Brooke, looking down. “I like being with you.” She wasn’t good at this kind of conversation. Everything else with Vanessa had been so easy, so carefree. She wanted this to be too, but it wasn’t. She felt the anxiety crippling inside of her and her defense mechanisms going off automatically and shutting her down, despite all the sentimental things she wanted to say, all the promises she wanted to make, despite for once in her life not worrying if she looked stupid or foolish or naive for wanting the things she wanted right now. “Can’t we just enjoy today?”

She could immediately see in Vanessa’s face that this was the wrong answer, but it was a blink and you miss it kind of expression. She looked hurt for a millisecond before putting a smile and acting like it didn’t bother her.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. Let’s do that,” said Vanessa, giving Brooke a kiss so dry it could have come from another person entirely. “Now let’s see what these children stole for us,” she said, quickly grabbing a muffin and biting it. She was not a good actress, and Brooke’s heart sank in her belly as she tried to focus on the food that was in front of her. It didn’t even look as pretty anymore. Maybe in a moment this awkwardness would pass and they would just go back to being happy and free together. She really hoped so.

“Oh my god, there’s no coffee!” Brooke exclaimed with horror. At least Vanessa laughed for real.

–

The picnic was a disaster, full of fake smiles and awkward silences, which was bad on its own without the guilt of waisting Nina and the other’s effort to make such a nice gesture for them. Brooke was feeling awful as they walked back in silence with most of the food packed the best they could to return it to the kitchen (it was too much for just the two of them). She felt even worse as Vanessa tried to come up with an excuse to go back to her own cabin without Brooke, but she didn’t question her. She probably could use the alone time too actually, to try and sit down, breathe, think, understand.

It wasn’t hard to put up a smile at lunch, they were both pretty happy with their students, both as teachers and as humans. They felt loved, regardless of their feelings or issues with each other, and that was an amazing thing to have.

Early afternoon would be the last of their alone time together. At the end of camp, all teachers would come together in a meeting to discuss students, classes, goals, things to improve, all the shenanigans. It promised to be a long, boring, tiring affair that would have everyone involved walking like zombies to their beds with at least a mild headache. Meanwhile, the camp would offer a farewell party to the students. Not fair at all.

Brooke didn’t want to waste those few hours, but more importantly, she wanted to fix this. Vanessa had been a pleasant surprise and a wonderful experience, but she didn’t want to go home tomorrow and forget about her. She didn’t want this to be a story, she wanted it to be a beginning.

Her anxiety was at it again, even though she knew she didn’t have to do a grand gesture of affection, a romantic, end-of-the-movie sort of production. She just needed to sit down and have a sincere talk, but that was the hardest part of all. Maybe it would have been easier if she could just sing at the bleachers or do something else that would embarrass herself in front of everybody and be done, without exposing her real feelings and fears.

She tried her best to swallow down her insecurities without falling into the overly serious posture she knew she was prone to when she didn’t want to show she wasn’t confident. She knew Vanessa needed her vulnerable, the least she could do was try.

She saw Vanessa walking out of the cafeteria and caught up to her. The plan was just to ask her to sit down and talk. Simple, mature, nothing to worry over.

“Are you free Saturday night?” she asked instead.

“What?” said Vanessa, surprised.

“If you’re not it can be Sunday. Maybe Saturday at lunch?”

“Yeah I’m free, what are you up to?” responded Vanessa already with a small smile creeping up on the corner of her mouth. Alright, this was going well.

“Wanna go to dinner with me?” asked Brooke. Vanessa would say yes and that was it, it was all solved and done, good job Brooke.

Vanessa squinted her eyes at her and stopped walking instead. “You look funny”, she said.

“What? No, I don’t. What do you mean funny?”

“Sit your ass down,” said Vanessa, pulling her down into a bench. It was quiet, most people in class already or enjoying the day elsewhere. Brooke was sweating. “Why you look like you’re lying or something while you’re asking me out?”

“I’m not very good at serious conversations,” blurted out Brooke.

“Look, I-” started Vanessa apologetically.

“So you gotta let me finish or I’ll never get it out,” she interrupted. Vanessa looked surprised, but nodded and zipped an imaginary zipper over her mouth, locking it and throwing the imaginary key away while she was at it. Brooke chuckled lightly before she took a deep breath and continued. “God, this sounds like I’m telling you someone died or something, Jesus Christ. Alright. I know this morning I sounded like I wanted to forget you the moment we jumped on the bus but that’s not… It’s not what I want. I really meant it when I said I like you. It’s just… When I’m with you, it’s not the regular me, okay? I’m not fun and spontaneous, I don’t laugh a lot, I-” she couldn’t look at Vanessa while she was saying this. “I guess I’m just scared you won’t like the real me once we’re out in the real world. Maybe I just wanted to milk it for all it’s worth for one more day because I was sure once you got a look at me out there you would be gone in a flash,“ she felt tears behind her eyes and knew it was because she wasn’t used to this, but she kept going anyway. “I thought that it wouldn’t be a big deal, but the idea that I would never see you again, I mean… I got a taste of that today and it’s… It just seems wrong… Look at me, I was so scared I would end up pushing you away that I went out and did it on purpose,” she finished with a sad smile.

“Can I talk now?” mumbled Vanessa, only letting the corner of her mouth open.

“Yes,” laughed Brooke, but it actually took a moment for her to talk. Vanessa sighed and ran her fingers through her own hair before she said anything else.

“First of all, yes to dinner Saturday. Just so we’re clear on that,” she said. She reached to touch Brooke’s hair, much like Brooke had done to her the first time they kissed. “I can’t tell you I’m like this all the time either, you know. You think I’m out there spying on windows and laying down the grass, smiling like all is great in the world? Girl, I’m either at work, going to work, going home from work or sleeping, that’s it. I wish I was crying from laughter with gorgeous blondes every other day.”

“So any gorgeous blonde will do?” said Brooke with a crooked smile.

“Oh yeah there’s a line by my door, let me tell you. All around the block!” joked Vanessa. “I mean, I don’t know,” she said, serious again, “maybe it’s too much fresh air but, I wanna see if you’re that boring for myself. If you don’t want to, if you don’t have time for it, just tell me. But if it’s just because you’re afraid… well, I’m afraid too. I don’t know how it’s gonna be either. I wanna just, try, and, you know… We’ll see.”

Brooke looked at her. She was beautiful, but that was not all. She made Brooke feel lighter, better. She made her hopeful, made her wanna fight for her and chill with her and she made it so that Brooke couldn’t conceive how would her life be if she didn’t see her face every single day. She turned her life upside down and fixed it at the same time. Brooke felt like if she had Vanessa, for however long, and lost her, it would be the worst thing she would ever have to go through. And if she already felt that way in a week, how bad would it be in a month? A year? How much bigger would the pain be then?

It scared her shitless.

“You’re right. I want to. Absolutely.” said Brooke, and she meant it. She turned to face Vanessa and touched her cheek, caressing it. “And even if I don’t have time, I’ll make time for you.”

She was always telling her students about not letting opportunities go, maybe it was about time she listened to her own advice.

“I’ll hold you to that,” smiled Vanessa, leaning in. Brooke met her in the middle. It was a gentle kiss, full of meaning, and over way too soon for Brooke’s liking.

“That’s all I get?” Brooke whined.

“Someone’s greedy today,” responded Vanessa playfully. She got up and walked away with a sway to her hips and a wink, and Brooke gave herself a minute to watch before she eagerly followed.

They went back to Vanessa’s cabin, which was closer, as quickly as possible without actually running. They were ready to press each other against the closed door, but as soon as they got inside their mood got completely cut off by A’keria, who was holding up two different earrings against her ears in front of a mirror.

“What?” she said, looking at their frustrated expressions, “there’s a party today, I gotta get ready,” she said, unphased. “Don’t bother going over to miss Hytes’ either, Plastique and Rajah are over there,” she yelled helpfully as they left.

–

Their meeting started too soon, and it was exhausting, even if they were extremely proud of their students, especially Vanessa, whose girls received some extra attention after the whole Jenkins drama, and did not disappoint any teacher who was kind enough to believe in their talent. Nevertheless, they went to bed too late into the night to wake up too early the next morning. Dealing with packing and bus drivers on top of it, they barely had time to see each other before it was time to say goodbye.

“I wish you could sneak into my bus without your driver noticing and they would just have to deal with it until we got there,” Brooke said to Vanessa over the loud chatter between their groups in the parking lot.

“Do you want a dead girlfrie- Are you trying to get me killed? ‘cause they’re gonna kill me if I do that to them” responded Vanessa, getting all flustered with her slip of the tongue. Brooke pretended she didn’t hear it, but it definitely put a smile on her face. “You do it and come with us, then we can get full high school and ride on the back, if you know what I’m saying,” she said, waggling her eyebrows.

“As if your girls would let us,” laughed Brooke. Truth is, she wouldn’t mind the constant teasing, but she couldn’t let her student travel alone, neither could Vanessa, and both of them knew that. Entertaining this idea was just another way of telling each other I will miss you.

Vanessa’s group left earlier. There were hugs, thank-yous, promises to hang out and even a few tears between the students. Brooke really hoped their friendship would last, they were good for each other. The teachers didn’t want to kiss or hug in front of the girls, and Brooke said a whispered “I’ll see you tomorrow then” in lieu of goodbye. As they went back to the camp to finish their packing and maybe eat a little less hurriedly, Brooke couldn’t help but take a long look at the whole place, feeling nostalgic already at how much more than she had expected all of them ended up getting out of this experience.

Girlfriend, she had said. Brooke never had a girlfriend before, despite her age. She was already stressing out thinking about where to take Vanessa on their first date, afraid once again that all the ease that had accompanied them through the week wouldn’t get beyond the highway. She was lost in thought when she felt her phone buzz.

Vanessa: I like sushi Vanessa: Just so you know ;)

Then again, maybe they would be just fine.

Epilogue

Brooke woke up Saturday morning feeling wonderful. She was so happy to be back in her own bed, even more so to rise with no alarm and to a beautiful sunny day. She stretched under the covers and smiled, because the first thing she thought about was Vanessa.

She didn’t remember when was the last time she had been in such a good mood. She even retrieved an old loudspeaker from the bottom of a drawer so she could set up some upbeat music while she tidied up her apartment. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t expecting something to happen tonight, with so many times she and Vanessa had almost crossed that line already but couldn’t on the account of where they were. She would be happy to just spend time with her, of course, and if nothing happened, nothing happened. But she sure as hell would put on some nice lingerie and invite her in.

The day went by, and Brooke found herself half naked staring at her closet, unsure. It was easy to pick what to wear when you have a small suitcase of choices, but wanting to cause a good impression she suddenly understood the ridiculous phrase “I have nothing to wear” as she looked through her dozens of clothes.

This was dumb. Vanessa wouldn’t care. Right? She would just text her and ask.

Brooke: What are you wearing today?

Being open and honest with Vanessa had only been good for her so far, it was better not let her mind jump into conclusions or make her nervous unnecessarily.

Vanessa: OMG mami Vanessa: I’m not against this but I’m in public right now

Brooke almost dropped her phone.

Brooke: that’s not what I meant!!! Brooke: I swear!!!!! Brooke: I’m sorry!!!! Brooke: I was just asking because I don’t want to overdress or underdress Brooke: for our date

She knew Vanessa couldn’t see her but she hid behind a hanging coat anyway. “Oh my god,” she mumbled, her face pressed to the fabric.

Vanessa: LMFAO Vanessa: You’re so cute Vanessa: I’m gonna wear a dress Vanessa: Don’t stress yourself out, wear whatever you want Vanessa: or don’t wear anything Vanessa: I’m gonna like it anyway :P

Brooke couldn’t help but laugh. Guess she didn’t have to worry about her clothes, they wouldn’t embarrass her more than she already embarrassed herself.

–

The date was fantastic. They enjoyed each other’s company just like they had before, and took the opportunity to talk about things they still hadn’t, like their families and some of their past, letting their trust grow deeper. It was easy like Brooke longed for it to be.

“I heard of this place that has social dance nights,” said Vanessa as they walked through the parking lot, hand in hand, “they have one night a week that’s LGBT night, I’m not sure which one though, I’ll have to look.”

“Nice,” responded Brooke.

“We should go,” said Vanessa, “I wanna dance with you again.”

“I would like nothing more,” said Brooke sincerely. They had arrived at her car, and Vanessa stopped to lean up and kiss Brooke. They both smiled as they pulled back.

“I know I’m supposed to wait until you walked me to the door or some shit, but I didn’t want to,” said Vanessa.

“Why were you supposed to wait?”

“‘Cause it’s our first date.”

“Hmmm, is it though?” said Brooke, faking a pensive expression while she pulled Vanessa close. “I mean, I saw you on 6 different days already, doesn’t that count?” she said, enveloping the smaller woman in her arms and placing small kisses on her temple and the side of her face, making her way back to her lips. “I kissed you,” she paused for a kiss, “I don’t know,” another, “five of those days?” and another. Vanessa had an easy smile playing at the corners of her lips. “I think we don’t have to stick to the rule of the first date,” she finished, kissing her on the lips again.

“Hmm,” said Vanessa, “and what does your mathematic say we should do?”

“I was thinking,” said Brooke. This time, Vanessa was the one peppering her face with kisses. “That maybe we could go back to my place. Where I live alone. You know, no one to interrupt anything that we might want to do,” she finished, noticing her eyes had closed on their own.

Vanessa pulled back abruptly, smiling wildly.

“What are we waiting for then, let’s go?” she nearly yelled, provoking a burst of laughing on a startled Brooke.

–

Vanessa woke up on Brooke’s bed for the first time the next morning. She looked around as the early morning light allowed her to take in all the details she had missed last night, and thought she wouldn’t mind getting used to it. She looked at Brooke’s drooling sleeping face, disheveled hair and weirdly bent arm and though she really, really wouldn’t mind at all. She got down from the bed quietly, not yet knowing that Brooke was a very heavy sleeper, and made her way to the kitchen for the first time. She had trouble reaching for a cup, stored too high up. She hadn’t had the chance yet to put all the most used items at a reasonable height.

She drank a cup of water and considered going back to bed, looking around at the monochromatic decoration, where her colorful touch hadn’t reached yet, and the art they would buy on their trip to Mexico was not hung on the wall yet. She put her cup on the sink and walked back to the bedroom, letting her fingers trail on the back of the couch on the way, where the fabric wasn’t full of their kitten’s hairs yet.

She stopped on the bathroom on the way, noticing how tidy Brooke kept her cosmetics, not yet knowing this was only because she didn’t want Vanessa to see how messy she really was. She washed her hands looking at that mirror for the first time, not yet knowing she would get used to putting her make up on under those lights while telling Brooke she should keep her shit organized or one of these days she would end up putting Vanessa’s foundation by mistake.

She went back to bed to snuggle up against a still asleep Brooke for the first time. She had turned around but had no signs of waking up anytime soon. Vanessa put her hand on her waist, spooning her, relishing in her smell that was everywhere around her. She made herself comfortable, fitting against Brooke’s body and closed her eyes, content, safe.

Vanessa fell asleep next to Brooke for the second time, both of them unaware of all the things yet to come, but both hopeful before their own willingness to give their best so every single one of those things had every chance of happening.

[wandlores]

No Control

Pairing: Antonin Dolohov x Hermione Granger Words: 3,201 You can also read this on AO3.  This is dedicated to @vino-amore who requested this pairing, and it is for the @hprarepairnet and @slytherdornet Winter Challenge! This is also a Muggle AU. 

Irresponsible was not a word in Hermione's vocabulary; it would not be a word any of her previous employers or her college professors would use to describe her.

Until that one night.

She had gotten a 71.3% on her first exam coming back from winter quarter. It was the lowest score she had ever gotten on an exam, and she was freaking out. So naturally, her roommate Pansy felt she needed to get out and live a little. Forgetting about the "horrible" grade she got for once. Pansy told her that was her average, and that made Hermione hyperventilate even more imagining that anyone would be okay with getting a score that low.

So as Hermione awkwardly pulled the short skirt Pansy lended her down her thighs to look more appropriate and tried to walk in Pansy's heels, Pansy rolled her eyes and tugged her along the sidewalk.

"I can't do this," Hermione hissed, "I need to be back at the dorm studying. It is almost below freezing, and I am wearing a mini-skirt! This is the definition of what I should not be doing."

"You'll be fine," Pansy reassured her, "And besides, it isn't supposed to storm at all tonight. Please live a little for once. You're so wound up."

"For good reason-" Hermione mumbled under her breath, but Pansy ignored her as they reached the usher to the club.

"IDs please," the usher demanded, or who Hermione thought was just one huge bicep. Did he even have any other limbs? He was bulging.

Hermione felt nervous as she pulled out her ID. She was old enough to be in the club, but guilt was washing over her.

The usher scanned their IDs quickly and raised his brows as he watched Hermione nervously look around her. Pansy whispered under her breath to get a grip.

"You sure these are real?" The usher asked.

Hermione's eyes bulged out of her head before she attempted to speak, but Pansy interrupted her.

"Yes," she told him, "These are real IDs. My friend here has just never been clubbing before. Sorry if she seems antsy."

Pansy winked at the usher, who then opened the door for them and moved aside to let them in.

"Get her a drink," the usher said flatly, "She needs it."

That was really the last thing Hermione needed right now, but Pansy pulled her along and soon enough, they were at the bar.

The music was blaring. It was giving Hermione a headache, and she felt the need to pull her skirt down again. Pansy swatted her hand away from her legs instead.

"Stop pulling it down! You look fine."

Hermione glared at her, "This is horrible. I cannot believe you do this for fun."

Three men across the bar were watching them as they spoke. Hermione looked away quickly, but Pansy smiled at them and flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"I'm going to go talk to them. I'll let you do what you want," she told her, "But don't accept drinks from anyone. Just buy them yourself."

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

Pansy rolled her eyes, "Sorry for trying to be a good friend here. If you decide to pull that stick out of your ass, I'll be over there."

She pointed to the three guys that were eyeing them earlier. Hermione gave her a sarcastic wave as she strutted off towards them.

She heard Pansy give them her fake laugh and rolled her own eyes. She couldn't believe they were falling for her crap.

Hermione looked down at the red straw in her drink and started stirring it around. It was then she thought about how she should have brought her own metal straw of her own. She was killing the environment here. Was there anything she could do right now? She groaned to herself and heard a low chuckle on her left.

She turned her head, and she knew her eyes must be blazing. Tonight was not the night to be mocked, but the man didn't back down. He just kept smirking at her with highly amused eyes.

"What do you want?"

The chuckling man's smirk did not falter, and instead, he moved to sit closer to her. Instinctively, she moved away from him. Surprisingly, he didn't push it.

"I can just see you're frustrated," he yelled over the music, "Shouldn't a young woman like yourself be enjoying herself on a Saturday night?"

He had a thick accent. She wasn't sure where he was from. She tried to ignore the fact that it sent chills up her spine.

Hermione knew she shouldn't be opening up to a total stranger at a club, but Pansy was tired of listening to her complain, so she decided to unload.

"Well, first off, I got a 71.3% on my first exam for winter quarter. Who gives a test on the first day? We weren't even guaranteed to get our textbooks yet. Plus, I haven't met my last professor yet and will on Monday, and I heard he is a total asshole. That's just what I need. He probably won't even know how to grade properly and I-"

She took a deep breath in the middle of her rant and noticed the man she was ranting to was still smirking. This made her stop.

"What is so funny?" She pressed, "Do you like to listen to the perpetual suffering of a total stranger? That says a lot about you."

"Have another drink," he told her. He waved over the bartender who started pouring a glass for her, "It's on me."

"Sorry," Hermione scoffed, "I don't take drinks from strangers."

"Then order your own."

The man took the drink he had ordered for Hermione and downed it in one gulp. Hermione raised her brows. It appeared he had some issues, too. From how he looked, she assumed they were deep-rooted ones. He looked rugged, like he had been through a lot of things Hermione had yet to experience. He was at least five years older than her. Hermione's eyes darted down to his hands that were tapping against his thighs. They were not calloused like she expected them to be. They looked soft, and she suddenly wondered how they would feel against her skin.

She gulped and ordered another drink. As the bartender poured her drink and was about to put another plastic straw in, she then asked, "Do you have reusable straws here by chance?" She knew it was a long shot, but it was important.

He raised his brows like he had never heard of such a thing before and answered her slowly, "No, why woul-"

But Hermione waved him away and downed her drink in one sip. She coughed but quickly tried to cover it up so she wouldn't embarrass her in front of this man. He still kept grinning.

"Do you not want to save the environment and the sea turtles?" Hermione asked him seriously, "It is a real issue. Did you know-"

But he interrupted her by leaning forward and pressing his finger against her lip. He waved the bartender over again who looked incredibly done with his job for the night and ordered another drink.

"You don't need to talk about saving the world right now," the stranger told her, "You just need to unwind. I'm assuming that's why your friend brought you here tonight, right?"

He motioned his head towards Pansy. The bartender set down two shot glasses in front of them.

"Take a shot with me," he offered, "It will help you unwind."

Hermione knew she should say no, but Hermione was intrigued by his offer. Why not live a little? It was why Pansy wanted her to be here. She knew it was a bad idea, but she grabbed the shot glass and downed the alcohol in it. She realized quickly it was straight vodka, and she felt her face turn up instantly. But this time, she didn't cough.

"What's your name?" Hermione decided to ask him. She might as well know who she was going to be talking to for the evening.

"My name is Antonin, and you are?"

"Hermione."

She played with the shot glass in her fingers as he studied her face.

"Do you need to rant more?" He asked politely. She could tell he didn't want to hear anymore, but he knew she needed to release her pent up anger.

Hermione decided to surprise him by replying, "No, but I do need another shot."

So they had another shot. And another, and another, and another.

Hermione woke up feeling like her stomach was on fire and a cinderblock was sitting on top of her head. She groaned and rolled over. When she opened her eyes, she realized she was in a strange room. She sat up quickly and pulled the covers up over her body. It was then she realized she was butt-naked, too.

Frantically, Hermione looked around the room. When her eyes glanced down, she jumped back a little and almost fell out of the bed. She must of startled him, because his eyes opened quickly.

It was the man from the bar. She didn't even remember his name.

This could not be happening. Who was Hermione becoming? A mediocre scholar and a college student randomly hooking up with strangers? Oh my god. She was that girl.

Before he could speak, she shot out of his bed and anxiously attempted to find all her garments spread out through his room. What did they even do last night? She grabbed her panties off a lamp-shade on the other side of his room.

Her plan was not to say a word to him as she slipped her clothes on. She wanted to act like this never happened, but when she went back to the nightstand to grab her phone, he reached his arm out and touched his hand to hers.

"Don't even bother calling for a cab," he told her, "The cab companies are all closed."

"Then you can drive me home-" Hermione started, not even thinking about why cap companies were closed, but he just shook his head.

"I don't have a car."

"You don't have a car?"

"I ride a bike to work."

"Why?"

"For the same reason you use re-useable straws."

Hermione sighed and set her phone down loudly and decided to ask, "Now why are the cab companies closed?"

"There was a huge snow storm," he explained, "The roads are packed with snow. No one can get out of their houses. It is going to be at least two days before anyone can go anywhere."

Hermione froze in place.

"What!?" She shrieked, "I have class on Monday!"

"They will be canceled," he told her, "Trust me."

"Trust you? Trust YOU!? I don't even know you!"

She was pacing around the room and ran her hands through her curls. They were sticking up all over the place. She watched from the corner of her eye as he laid back in bed against the headrest and put his arms behind his head.

"How are you so calm about this?" She asked him, "Don't you want a complete stranger out of your house?"

"I feel like I know you quite well already, if I must be honest."

"You know nothing about me!"

"Want to bet?"

She glared at him and sat back down on the edge of his bed. She crossed her arms, showing that she was ready to argue.

"You are the perfectionist who seeks to change the world. You are definitely a freshman in college who has not had their dreams crushed yet by reality, and when one thing goes wrong, you go manic. But on the inside, you are actually easy-going, you just don't want anyone to know that. Especially your parents, because you feel being easy-going means you're a slacker. So you push yourself to the edge and also push others. You probably have mommy issues and are never meeting her expectations and-"

"Enough," Hermione snapped at him, "I don't need to hear anymore from someone I had a one-night stand with."

"So I'm right?"

Hermione didn't answer him. Of course he had to be right. Was she really that easy to read?

Her lack of response made him smirk, "That's what I thought."

He got up and out of bed with no clothes on. Hermione felt heat rush to her cheeks and looked away quickly, but she could still see him in the mirror by his bedroom door. He was smiling at her reaction as he pulled a shirt on over his head.

"Don't be embarrassed," he told her, "It isn't like you haven't seen me already."

Hermione groaned and decided to check her phone. She had many missed calls and unread messages from Pansy. Without reading any of them, she texted back:

I'm fine, don't worry about me. I'll be back after the roads are cleared. I promise. Trust me, I lived a little last night.

Surprisingly, her day went by smoothly. The city was able to clear the roads and the heat went up dramatically for January, so Hermione was able to go home that evening. It was a short and random storm that worked in her favor. Antonin was wrong, thankfully. And yes, she figured out what his name was again an hour after he made her breakfast.

They had a very casual and natural type of bickering. It was the type of bickering that Hermione enjoyed. She always respected a natural devils advocate, and that is what Antonin was. She was not surprised when she learned he was older than her, but she was surprised when she realized he was thirteen years older than her. He looked good for his age. Too good. But this was bad. Hermione did not hook up with strange men, especially older men.

What was he? A cradle-robber to let this happen? Hermione shuddered a lot throughout the day thinking about that, but she knew she was only thinking that to make things complicated for herself. She just didn't want to admit she actually kind of liked him.

As the cab pulled up to his house, she sighed with relief and opened the front door.

"Thanks for your hospitality. This will not happen again," she informed him.

He leaned against his front door frame and gave her a knowing smile, but he didn't say a word.

As the cab pulled away from his home, she looked back. He was still leaning against his doorframe with his arms crossed, but when he saw she was looking back at him, he waved smugly.

Hermione turned around fuming, but not because she was mad he caught her, but because she lied.

She wanted it to happen again, and knowing her and her newfound impulsivity, she would make it happen again.

Hermione had lost all control.

Hermione was exhausted on Monday morning. She had two cups of coffee before she even left for class and was drinking another in her to-go cup as she sat down in front of the lecture hall. She always loved the front row, but today, she was half tempted to sit in the back. She felt like her professor was going to be able to see exactly who she was this last weekend inside her eyes, but she reasoned with herself that she was just being paranoid. She couldn't help but feel ashamed.

Pansy on the other-hand was thrilled about Hermione getting laid. She was even proud of her. Hermione wondered why she even put up with her sometimes, but she was reminded why when Pansy made her the to-go cup of coffee even after Hermione had drunk all of hers. That's what true friends were for.

Her professor was late, and this made Hermione instantly feel agitated. This was not a good start, not at all. She took her last sip of coffee and set her cup down. She picked up her pen and started tapping it rapidly against the table. The boy next to her glared at her after a few minutes, and Hermione gave him an apologetic smile before she stopped.

It was then her professor walked into the lecture hall and down to the front of the room. When she caught sight of his face, all of the color washed out of hers.

It was him. It was Antonin. Her one-night stand was her young and ridiculously late professor. She couldn't breathe.

When he caught sight of her, he raised his right brow, but he made sure not to let his eyes linger in her direction for too long. She swore she saw him smile as he looked away and introduced himself to the whole class.

This was bad, this was real bad.

At the end of class, Hermione made her decision as she quickly packed up her things. She was dropping the class. She could take it next quarter with a different professor. It didn't matter that much. It was just a random history elective.

Everything was going to be fine, she told herself, everything was going to be fine.

She looked anywhere but in his direction as she walked around the table and tried to make it out the door, but she heard his voice call after her.

"Miss Granger, could you please come here for a moment?"

Why was this happening to her?

She took a deep breath and turned around. She didn't step any closer to him though. She wanted to keep as much distance between them as possible. She was at least relieved when she saw that everyone was out of the lecture hall and it was now just them.

"Yes, Professor Dolohov?"

His dark brown eyes stared into hers with such intensity that it made a shiver go down Hermione's spine.

"I was thinking that-"

"I know," she interrupted him, "I need to drop the class. This is just so wron-"

"That you could earn some extra credit," he finished.

Perplexed, Hermione set her books down on the table in front of her.

"We don't even have any assignments yet?"

He grinned, "This is a different kind of extra credit."

Before she could get another word out, he strode towards her and grabbed her face with his hands. He planted his lips on hers. She knew she should push him away, but she melted against his body. If she could remember anything from that night, it was this. It was this feeling of intensity between them. It was a feeling she had never experienced before.

As he pulled away from her, she was breathless, but then reality caught up with her. She jumped back away from him and grabbed her books.

"I-I can't," she faltered, "This isn't ethical."

"But doesn't it feel good to be bad?"

His accent was thicker than it had been two nights before. Hermione gulped and felt goosebumps rise up on her arms.

"Yes," she admitted, "It does."

She knew this was a horrible idea, but maybe it was time to add a new word to her vocabulary.

Irresponsible did have a nice ring to it, and that was all college was about, right? Making bad choices.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Wait what con artist from 2014

I’d like to title this story “Swing And A Miss”

Okay, so my high school had this program where seniors could leave school like a month and a half early and opt out of exams if they took on internships around the neighborhood, but not everyone wanted to/was eligible to do it. Back in like 2013, they had like 15 bored seniors stuck in the school, so the administration brought in this Professional Life Coach, left him in alone in a room with them for two hours to talk to them about like, self-esteem or some shit. All the kids were pulled out of their classes for this*, and later told the administration that they loved him, they really enjoyed the talk.

So, about a year later, we have a new principal. He’s supposed to set up an assembly for all the 11th and 12th graders, but he doesn’t know what to do. One of his coworkers mentions that there was a life coach that was a huge hit with the kids that didn’t do community study last year, so maybe he’d also be great for a larger audience. The principal basically thinks “okay, what the hell” and calls up and hires Jason C. Jean to come talk to the kids.

Now, it’s like, 10:30, maybe 11:00 in the morning, and two entire grades are getting shepherded to the main gymnasium, and no one wants to God damn be there. We ain’t got time for self esteem talks. We want to sleep. And this guy, watching us all drag our feet in and collapse into the bleachers was just like…offensively peppy. There’s a couple faculty members sitting behind him, the woman who suggested he be hired for this, the vice principals for the grades- but the principal himself kept getting calls so he was in and out the whole time.

Now, Mr. Jean was like…the chill “Just call me by my first name dude” history professor at college times 30. He was trying so fucking hard. I’m referring to him as ‘Mr. Jean’ in this story just to be disrespectful. So anyway, we all get in there, and he tells us right off the bat “You guys are totally allowed to be on your phones and laptops during this! I get it! It’s no problem, like really, I insist!” so while the faculty members are exchanging smiles that read ‘how do we kill that while respecting him’, all the kids are immediately pulling out their electronics and he’s starts his speech.

Now, again, I really wanna reiterate that he told us we could be on our phones- because when the news articles started coming out about this, I remember all these angry, annoying comments from old people like “Why the hell were the students on their phones in the first place! So disrespectful! These damn millennials and their social media!” like, they were completely ignoring the entire story and just focusing in on kids using the internet, and it Really Super Pissed Me Off, so. Again, we had permission for this (which also ended up being Mr. Jean’s fatal mistake).

So, he starts off this speech fairly normally, like ‘hi, I’m Jason, I’m a professional life coach and I wanna teach you kids about how to be The Best You!’ and like people were tuning him out and listening to varying degrees. Some kids (like myself) were kinda dozing off, and everyone was on twitter or facebook.

His approach to a self esteem speech seemed to be ‘let me tell you my entire life story for hours’ and like, at first I was like “I’m not really hearing this, I’m half dreaming right now” but the more I started making myself pay attention the more…bizarre and rambling his story got.

So like, for instance, he told us he drank a lot in high school. Like, a lot. But he didn’t use that as a ‘don’t drink or party too hard’ lesson, instead he was like “I was fourteen so I always called my parents to pick me up, and they weren’t mad because they knew it meant I could trust them. So remember, always tell your parents when you’re drinking!” and then it kinda got to a point where it sounded like he was encouraging partying and drinking and the like to the group of underage kids.

And then, he told us how he used to play baseball all the time when he was a kid, and at 16 reached a crossroads in his life where the Phillies wanted to draft him or he could go play football for Penn State. And he said he went with Penn State but later lost the scholarship for some reason and we’re like…really.

There was absolutely nothing coherent about anything he was saying- nothing that tied anything together, made a point, seemed like it had anything to do with an assembly on self esteem. He told us at one point he was making upwards of 7 million a year. He told us one time before college he was homeless. He told us he used to own a construction company and built his own branch of nightclubs himself, that he and his friend then ran. He told us he fought a shark and came out with no scars. He told us that he had less money now, because after surviving a work related accident- direct quote- “I fell almost 30 feet and I broke in half” - he decided to leave that industry and spend more time with his family.

So, yeah, I was pretty positive this was bullshit, but there were clearly kids in the room that were falling for it. But then he said something like…he and his friend got bored one day and started jarring up their own pasta sauce, and made a deal with wegmans or some store like that to start selling it, and now he has a pasta sauce empire. Like he spent 15 fucking minutes on this. The way he kept saying ‘pasta sauce’ was so annoying I was about to claw my ears out. But anyway, two girls in my grade wanted to find out what brand he was talking about, so they googled his name.

And then quietly gasped.

And then furiously started typing into their phones.

And remember- everyone, even though they were paying attention- was on twitter and facebook. All the sudden I see heads flying up and wide eyes and people whispering to each other. Mr. Jean doesn’t seem to notice the change and keeps rambling on, but I know something happened so I google him too and-

Okay so basically he’s 1) been arrested, 2) filed for bankruptcy like three times and 3) has been hailed as a ‘Swinger Guru’ by playboy.

EVERYONES SILENTLY FLIPPING OUT.

So by now, this is a fucking game- he still doesn’t notice anything wrong amongst the kids, so we’re all silently texting each other to fill each other in. Pulling up receipts. But still playing the part of politely intrigued audience members. The school faculty have no fucking idea what’s going on, until one of the students texts her mom, who happens to be the woman that convinced the principal to hire this guy. We see her check her phone, go wide-eyed, and she runs out of the fucking room presumably to either find the principal or hide in terror.

So Mr. Jean had been talking to random people intermittently throughout this speech, but we reach the ‘questions’ part of it. Everyone seems to silently agree that instead of just asking him anything outright, we should just see how good of a liar he was. So they’d be asking him stuff like ‘how much money did you make with ____ company’ and he’d give a ridiculously high number as people were sending each other reports of him filing for bankruptcy during that time. Or they asked him about his construction business which he said was great, and while he was talking about how great it was we were all reading his arrest report, from when a woman hired him to build her house, and he took her money and then like…just didn’t build anything. Wild. Someone asked him about his family and he’s extolling Christian virtues while we’re all on the website for his annual Swing Fest. People would ask him how he got certain jobs and he was making promises to hook kids up in interviews and shit. Everyone was loosing their God damn minds online and just barely holding it together in person. This man was so beyond full of shit- like, he was a God awful life coach but his dedication to lying was inspirational.

We eventually get to leave and everyone is yelling and cracking up and freaking out, all running to our classes to tell the teachers and the underclassmen everything, and the teachers are freaking out, alternating between horrified confusion and laughing hysterically. Before the school day even ended, someone had called a bunch of news stations. The principal was freaking out and denying he had anything to do with it, before calling some students to his office to see what exactly the kids had searched up on the guy…Because apparently teenagers can perform better background checks than school officials. It was all anyone could talk about for weeks.

A couple months after this, for my theater class’ showcase, I wrote and directed a skit called ‘Mason B. Mean’. It was a huge hit. The principal was in the audience. I’ve never seen a grown man look so dead inside. I made sure I was out of the room before he came up to congratulate the cast and everything. The next day, my theater teacher told me his only comment about the skit was a quiet, long-suffering “Why.” 😂😂

Annnnnnnnd that’s the time a Swinger Entrepreneur rambled on about pasta sauce and money in front of teenagers who knew how to use google for almost two hours.  

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/Montco_principal_apologizes_for_having_swinger_entrepreneur_speak_to_kids.html

[nighttimestudying]

General College Tips- Especially for Finals

                                   *I apologize that this is long*

-Keep your study space/room organized/somewhat organized state- having it clean will help you focus because then your mind won’t be focusing on how gross it it

-Open your curtains and window- now that winter is over (kind of for the midwest) you can open up the window and let the air blow through and clear out all of the germs that have been accumulating while its been closed. The sun also kills off bacteria and generally its just nice to sit in a sunspot 

-Going off that last point, sit outside-fresh air is amazing (provided you can do this without your allergies acting up)- Sometimes sitting outside is a nice break from being cramped up inside buildings all day and it will also help your immune system

-Drink water and eat food-You’re going to be super stressed and might forget to eat but your brain needs sustenance and hydration to keep going and if you want it’ll give you a nice break from focusing for a few minutes

-Take a shower and change into new clothes- Hygiene is still super important and taking a shower or changing into new clean clothes can make a day so much better

-If you are becoming so stressed that you are freaking out or crying then you need to take a break, it doesn’t have to be long, but take a break and do something different for a couple of minutes. Sometimes your brain needs to change gears

-Sleep is still super important and while pulling an all-nighter can be helpful and seems like a good thing to do at that point your body still needs it to  keep going. When I need to pull an all-nighter I use the sunrise trick- which is basically I will study till it starts to get close to sunrise and then I will sleep for two hours (how long you sleep depends on you and what your body needs) I have found that with that timing I can go through an entire day, I’ll be tired, but I can focus on what I’m doing

-Take a day where you try not to do any schoolwork, or if you do have it be small assignments because sometimes doing work everyday just can’t be helped (my day is Saturday just because that’s when I do my shopping and usually when my friends want to hang out)

-Find a spot where you can study and not be distracted-sometimes you have to hold yourself accountable and kick your own butt because this is your future that this will impact-if this means you do better in a study group or by yourself do what is going to help you

-Find which class final is first and then figure out how much studying you need to do for it. My hardest class is my last one so I’m going to be taking turns on studying for that one and my other classes (o-chem and I do not get along I will say that) 

-Does your professor have a study guide or something else that would help you focus in on what you need to study? Use those, especially past exams

-Make sure your electronics are charged-everyone likes to hog the outlets especially during finals so finding an open one can be very hard to do- if you have a portable charger then also make sure that it is charged because it can be your saving grace

-Skip class if you need to-I’m not saying to skip everyday but I’m saying that if you are sick, mentally cannot handle it, or if you have a huge assignment that is worth a lot of points and it can make or break your grade then you should find a class that you can skip that will not harm you (or at least too much)-I generally do this about 2-3 times a semester because life sometimes just pops up out of nowhere 

-Make a list of what you need to do- I generally do this on Sunday so I can put the assignments into my planner (profs will change the dates that things are due and I got tired of having to scribble things out because I wrote in pen) 

-Please eat something in the morning or whenever you get up. It doesn’t have to be right after you wake up, I eat from anywhere from 10 minutes to 2 hours later. Just give your body something to get it going, I have been drinking one of those juicing things that I pick up in partial bulk from the local market place in the area where I live and I have granola bars stashed in my backpack for when I need something small

-Check and double check placement and timing of your finals- nothing is quite as terrifying as being at the wrong place at the wrong time

-Try to eat something relatively healthy- I know this is hard because we are all broke college kids and most dining centers don’t have the greatest food but do what you can. I will sneak out apples or oranges from my dining centers-I don’t make it obvious, I will grab it when I grab my food and bring it back with me to my table and then when I’m getting ready to leave I’ll stash it in my coat or backpack water bottle holders on the side. It’s great for when I don’t want to eat junk food or just need something to snack on late at night (trust me I don’t eat healthy like at all, this is a rare occasion)

-Read the textbook-even if its just skimming, try to read it fully if you can because profs (at least the ones I’ve had) will pull questions or concepts from the book or they will do it but won’t talk about the concept in lecture (*cough cough my organic chemistry professor cough cough*)

-Find what methods of studying work for you, your notes can look pretty but it does nothing if they don’t help you learn

-Put your phone away- For me that means either turning it off, putting it under my thigh (I have big thighs so I can’t see it when I do that) or stashing it at the bottom of my backpack. This prevents me from turning on the screen to check for notifications because the “out of sight, out of mind” concept is in play here

-Attend the review sessions if the person is good- my o-chem guy is amazing and I’ve learned and understood more from him than my actual prof but the guy for my genetics class makes things more confusing so I don’t go to his review sessions. 

-Sometimes you just need to scream in an “I am extremely stressed and I hate this” kind of way. If you need to then it is completely ok to do so. I either scream into my pillow or one of my ex-roommates (I moved out in the middle of the semester and am still on good terms with her) will do a McDonald’s run with me and we will just pterodactyl screech in her car because we are both so stressed out. It helps, trust me.

-If you are staying up late then download a blue light filter because it will help protect your eyes. I use f.lux ( https://justgetflux.com) and you can change the settings for it to go on at certain times and what colors for it to turn to. I have it on my computer and on my phone and it has saved my life so many times because I am extremely sensitive to blue light and get migraines super easily and my migraines have stopped coming as frequently because of this.

-Just know that life happens-sometimes you don’t get the grade you want or need but that’s ok. If you have to retake the class then you are prepared for what’s coming and you will know what you need to work on and what you didn’t understand

-Just breathe, just take a deep breath in, say “fuck it, what happens happens” and walk in and take the test. That’s all you really have to do.

Good luck darlings!

[scrambledthoughtz]

fed up w/ quarantine & other thoughts

been feeling really fucking fed up with myself recently. every time i feel like complaining about this quarantine or shelter-in-place, i feel like a stuck-up asshole and i just remember that TikTok that's like "Kim, there are literally people dying." i understand that i'm in a huge position of privilege given the circumstances because my family and i can afford to stock up on food, toilet paper, and cleaning agents. i know that we are lucky to even have the chance to complain about the fact that we are stuck at home -- reading, sleeping, catching up on lectures, painting, or whatever other activites people have picked up during this quarantine. i know that there are people out there (like doctors, nurses, mail men, grocery store workers, Uber drivers and more) who are working their asses off to make sure that we are able to maintain at least some degree of normalcy despite the chaos that we have all been thrown into. and massive props to them -- i really can't even begin to express my gratitude for those who are still working hard at their jobs while the rest of us get to stay at home. so trust me when i say i know. i know i shouldn't really even be complaining because in the grand scheme of things, i am lucky. my family is lucky. many of us are lucky. but with all that being said, i'm not going to deny the fact that these extended periods of time spent cooped up inside has taken a bit of a toll. i've been so fed up with myself recently for a number of reasons. first, it has been SO hard to focus at home. i'm not used to being inside for so long, or not having the option to go somewhere else to study when my room proves itself to be a massive distraction. it's not like i don't have anything to do. i do. i had midterms last week, and finals this week. but despite this, i've found it so difficult to focus and to commit to sitting down and actually put effort into my schoolwork. i'm the type of person who hates turning something in when i know i haven't put my best effort into. sometimes it is what it is, but especially with my bigger assignments (like this 10-page research paper i have due at the end of this week), i would absolutely hate to turn in something that i'm not at least decently proud of. and i've always been this way. i always tell people the story of when i fell asleep the night before my country report was due, and i woke up to it being finished, thanks for my mom to took over and finished up my project while i had temporarily passed out on the floor next to the computer. in the end, i got an A, but i was still upset because i felt like i didn't deserve the grade that i had gotten. it was my mom's A, not my own. since then, i've mellowed down a little. i've grown to understand that i can't put my 100% into everything, but i still hate turning in something that i'm not proud of. but i just can't find the willpower to sit down and freaking type out this paper. i don't even know why. actually, maybe i do. a few weeks ago, i went to an academic coaching appointment at Foothill, and i told the coach that i may have an perfectionist instict where i drag out assignments because i know that they're going to take a lot of effort and brainpower and i don't want to churn out anything sub-par. it's a worthy revelation, but it doesn't do me any good if i don't work on it. now, i'm not a perfect (or even a stellar) student by any stretch of the imagination, but i don't think i really realized how much of my identity is tied with school and my education. without that structure and constant push, i feel genuinely lost. it's like, "what now?" what am i working towards? if i have too much time on my hands, i'm almost always itching for that empty space to be filled with schoolwork, or any type of productive activity. it's not like i LOVE school or anything, but i also don't hate it. and actually, nowadays, i really miss it. i miss my instructors. i miss my classmates. i miss sitting in a classroom and participating in-person. i'm honestly kind of sick of talking with people over the phone, text, email, or FaceTime. i miss the physical face-to-face connection. i miss my workplace. i miss it a lot. i miss my supervisors, my co-workers, and the ridiculous conversations we'd have during the night shifts. i miss laughing so hard that my stomach hurts and tears are streaming out of my eyes. i've been spending an obscene amount of time on social media, and it's been more toxic, time-consuming, and draining than anything. i've uninstalled and reinstalled Snapchat, Instagram, and TikTok countless times over the past week. i honestly lost count of the number of times that i uninstalled one of those apps in a brief moment of determination and productivity, and then reinstalled in a prolonged period of boredom. my sister has been so productive these past few days, and i envy her focus. i'm starting to develop an irrational resentment towards her. she is able to focus for long periods of time, she has the willpower to not snack out of boredom, and she has somehow developed impressive upper body-strength. she goes on daily runs, and she is able to manufacture structure for herself in an otherwise long, uneventful day. the days are beginning to blend together, and i've told myself that i wouldn't let myself succumb to boredom. i try to keep myself busy. i downloaded an audiobook that i listen to in the morning and while i'm walking my dog. it's a charming book, something that i wouldn't be able to get through if i was physically reading it myself. it's called "The Rosie Project." i see so many people rediscovered hobbies and talents, learning how to cook, finally getting to that "stack of books that they've been meaning to get to", creating their own home workouts, and i feel so much guilt. i feel so much guilt that i've been sitting on my ass all day, complaining. not doing much except for refreshing each of my social media apps, hoping for new posts to scroll through. i know that there are things that i should be doing, but i just can't. i know that i should learn to cook because i am going to be moving out soon. i know that i should take this opportunity to work out more often. i know that i've been looking for more time to read, and this extra time has cropped up. i know, i know, i know. i'm beginning to develop familiar resentment towards my friend, who keeps on sending me frightening statistics. stop getting your anxiety all over me. i know that the amount of coronavirus cases in the Santa Clara county has tripled in the past week. i know that the president is shutting down borders and banning international (and even domestic) travel. i know that we are basically trapped. i know that a "shelter-in-place" directive is one of the most serious directives out there, and that it should not be taken lightly. i know that we need to work on flattening the curve, and that we are barely even there. i know that school is probably cancelled for the rest of the semester and that it'll take place virtually, even though the shelter-in-place is only supposed to last until April 7. i know that it'll be extended because the spread of this virus has shown no signs of slowing down. i know that, despite what the media tells us, the elderly are not the only ones who are susceptible. wash your hands, wear a face-mask when you go out, wear gloves, don't touch your face or your mouth. social distancing is the legal mandate. stay 6 feet away. no social gatherings. stay at home, stay at home, stay at home. don't go to the beach and party it up like a fucking idiot. all non-essential businesses shut down. no one knows how long this is going to last. the death toll keeps increasing. our governor may even shut down beaches because ppl aren't taking the shelter-in-place mandate seriously enough. it's crazy, it's uncertain. thankfully my professors have been so understanding, so kind, and so generous. my Ethics professor made our final option (although i'm still going to take it because i have a fucking B in the class right now -- another story for another time). my research methods professor has extended our paper deadline three times, and she sends out announcements reminding us to take care of ourselves. i know that it's a difficult time, but i can't help but feel guilty. yes, it's a difficult time for everyone involved, but surely more so for others? i'm just sitting at home complaining and eating chips. this doesn't apply to me? i don't deserve an extension on anything because i'm not doing anything anyways. it's not like i have anything else to do except my assignments, and i'm still not doing them. i feel like a lazy piece of shit who is just going to take advantage of these extensions to procrastinate even more than i already am. sure, it's lonely at times and i've only really talked in-person with my family for more than a week. but i didn't do anything to deserve this. the real support and recognition should go to those on the frontlines -- the doctors, nurses, infectious disease experts, and so on. props even to my dad, who is a dentist. i'm just sitting at home, having the luxury of doing nothing, having my meals made for me, while my professors are frantically working behind the scenes to make sure we still get our education. i don't deserve this. it always boils down to this, and i'm not sure why. a lingering feeling of guilt or "un-deserved-ness".