#but BUT what really made me sad was at the very end when roxas said

[septnanis]

catch up

a bit about Riku and being a loner.

The surf comes in, soaks the back half of his pants. He knows when he stands up he’ll look ridiculous. Sora will point and laugh and tell him how ridiculous he looks.

Riku doesn’t mind. He likes to make Sora laugh. He always has.

The water is warm, warmed by the evening sun and the heat of a summer that never really ends on these islands. He never really noticed that, how his home was cradled in a static existence where the sun almost always shined and even when it stormed it just meant the sun would shine brighter the next day.

“You’ve always been too good at this,” Sora says from behind.

Riku looks up and over his shoulder at him.

“Good at what?” Riku asks.

Sora sits down next to him and smiles. Riku’s always been absolutely weak for Sora smiling but now that they’re growing from exuberant borderlining on goofy to bright and sweet, he’s pretty sure Sora could ask him to do terrible things and he’d do it without hesitation.

“Being alone,” Sora says and immediately frowns when it makes Riku laugh. “What?”

Riku shakes his head. “I’m not,” he says. “Good at being alone. The last few years being alone has lead to some questionable if not outright terrible decisions on my part.”

Sora stays quiet but stares intently.

“I isolated myself back home and ended up tossing it into darkness,” Riku continues. “Also ended up getting possessed which is weird because sometimes when it’s really quiet I can still hear him whispering in my mind. Maybe just a memory? I don’t know.”

The waves roll in just a fraction closer, but it makes both of them curl their toes into the wet sand.

“Castle Oblivion was me at my very best,” the sarcasm in his voice makes Sora frown a bit deeper. Riku is direct and dry in his communication but rarely sarcastic. “Kept that up but then blindfolded. Don’t get me started on Roxas and then transforming myself into the man who possessed me.”

“You did the best you could, Riku,” Sora says. Maybe it’s part of his dna, but he can’t help but feel sorry for his friend. “It must’ve been lonely.”

Riku grins. “When you said you wanted to go with me so we could do the Mark. Together…” He’s past caring about how this looks, so he sighs. “I was so happy. Even when we got split up..”

“Which was my fault,” Sora says with a sad look.

“Nah,” Riku says. “You did your best. Which is a thousand times better than most people’s best.” He leans down to lay his crossed arms on his raised knees. “It was the first time I felt like we were together. Even though we were apart, I still felt like you were with me.”

Riku doesn’t continue, like what happened after the Mark is something better left unsaid. The Dark Margin, the Graveyard, how Sora can’t remember Riku staring death down in a way none of their friends had been able to. He knows it happened, like Castle Oblivion happened, like he fell so deep into dreams Riku had to yank him out, memories because someone else told him.

“That year you were gone,” Riku says. “Don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone. Everyone was involved with finding you but, it was like they lived life alongside that. I just couldn’t. Felt like I was…”

Dancing on the kid’s grave, Cid had said to Riku. Chin up, he wouldn’t want you to be like this, maybe it’s time to move on, all those baseless platitudes that made Riku only more determined.

“Felt weird,” Riku says. “And wrong.”

“You found me, though,” Sora says with a grin.

Riku laughs again. “Yeah and you forgot all about me,” he says, leaning in close to Sora’s face, giving him a nudge with his shoulder.

“I didn’t mean to!” Sora says with mock indignation. “You know… you’re always finding me.”

Riku frowns at him.

“You found me in Traverse Town,” Sora says. “And in Castle Oblivion. You found me all over the place once I woke up. You found me when I got lost during the Mark and when I fell to Darkness in the Graveyard…”

Riku startles and whips his head towards him. “You… you remember that?”

Sora doesn’t look at him but he grins. “I did eventually… in Quadratum,” he says. “It was you, how could it not be? It’s always you.”

“But Kairi…” Riku feels his face heat at his stammer, feeling caught out.

“Kairi kept my body from fading away,” Sora says with a fond look. “She’s so strong. Don’t think I’ve ever given her credit for that. I thought it was you at first! It felt like you… but then I thought it was Kairi. I mean… there she was, waiting for me in the Darkness.”

Riku turns his head back to the sea. The sunset is turning the water to that vibrant amber orange that Sora likes so much.

“But it was you,” Sora says. “Should’ve known it was you. And then you found me in Quadratum, even though I didn’t recognize you. If it hadn’t been for you, Kairi and I would’ve just wandered in the dark.”

Riku looks back at Sora when he feels a hand on his arm, curling around it with a firm grip.

“You were always so much brighter than all of us,” Sora says, his voice uncharacteristically solemn. “You were just too good at hiding it. And here I am, thinking you’re good at being alone. I fell for it again.”

Riku isn’t sure why it touches a nerve, but it does. His back straightens, his eyes feel a little warm, he tries to clear this throat as subtly as he can.

Sora looks right at him, uses his grip on Riku’s arm as leverage and presses a quick as can be kiss to Riku’s cheek. Riku whips his head around to stare at Sora with eyes so huge they feel like they might pop out. Sora, of course, is grinning.

“Haaa, wanted to do that for ages," Sora says. "Was that okay?”

Riku is stuck between disbelief and joy. He nods though, because this tiny act of affection from his dearest friend has been a thing he had given up wanting.

It’s his own fault - he’s never given up on Sora before, and for good reason.

So Riku returns the favor, moves in slow so Sora knows what’s coming. Sora tilts his head up invitingly and lets his eyes slip shut, which Riku takes as acceptance. The kiss he gives Sora lands on the corner of his mouth, momentary and fleeting.

Sora opens one eye when Riku draws back. “That was it?”

Riku’s cheeks are burning. “You’re such a dork,” he says. “Why am I even friends with you?”

Sora looks at him with a sort of knowing smile that says he knows exactly why but he’s not going to deprive himself of the pleasure at watching Riku squirm to get it out.

“You’re…” Riku starts. He shakes his head because he’s overwhelmed and Sora won’t stop gazing at him like he’s making the sun shine brighter. “Such a dork.”

Sora laughs, presses his cheek to Riku’s shoulder and lands a well aimed punch to his arm. “I really came down here to take you back to the ship,” he says. “Donald’s going to blow a gasket if we stay any longer.”

“Let him,” Riku says. He’s dutiful at his core though, so he stands, Sora still hanging from his arm.

Of course Sora bursts out laughing. “I get that sitting on the beach is nice, Riku,” he says, pointing at the wet seat of Riku’s pants. “But you could at least try and find a bush or tree.”

Riku nods his head with a sardonic grin and leans over to smack the equally wet seat of Sora’s pants. “Look who’s talking!”

It just makes Sora laugh even louder, setting off at a run up the beach back to the Gummi ship.

Riku follows, because he doesn’t like being alone. He doesn’t have to anymore.

He catches up quick.

[syrasenturi]

replaying kingdom hearts and reminded why i love roxas sm 

aND HOW MAD I AM THAT DAYS DIDNT GET A TRUE REMAKE

[bluerosesburnblue]

Now that KHUx ending has been out for a week a or two and you've dissected it, I wanted to ask you how you would rank the various KH game endings, if you have the time?

Oh, wow, yeah. That's really an interesting question. I never think of the endings much, despite how important they are. Let's see...

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days - The nostalgia's got me bad with this one, but I've gotta put it at the top. It was my first KH game and I can only think of two other video games from my childhood that had endings that impacted me as much as this one did. It's clear-cut and succinct, it capitalizes on all of the character development shown in the game while wrapping up almost every plot thread it introduced, playing as Another Side Roxas is intense... and I think it's the only KH ending that's entirely tragic, but that just makes the tone so much more clearly defined than if it had been a mix of emotions. I don't know if I ever would have gotten into the series if the ending of this game wasn't as good as it was and didn't make me desperately crave more just to see how the Sea Salt Trio's story effected everyone else

Kingdom Hearts χ - It's kind of wild that I'm ranking a browser game so high, but the KHx ending (also known as The Keyblade War questline for KHUx players) was magical when it happened. And the thing is, it wasn't unexpected but still managed to be engaging. People were freaking out trying to fight the Foretellers who introduced you to the world of the game only to try and take you out of it. And the ending with Ephemer and Skuld coming to save you at the last minute was beautifully open-ended, while wrapping up all of the storylines from earlier in the game. It went from intense, to sad, to hopeful again and it did it all with chibi sprites. And not just that, but the external community came together just to see it happen. It was really special

Kingdom Hearts II - This one's just very emotionally satisfying, finally seeing everyone get to return home again after a three-game arc. Riku and Sora have a nice character moment where they finally respect each other that draws on their earlier rivalry in a satisfying way, then Mickey, Donald, and Goofy rush over to the boys in such a sweet way, and we even see Sora finally return Kairi's good luck charm! It feels like it really ties the KH1-CoM-KH2 arc to a close, and then leaves on a high note of even more adventures to come. It's beautiful and it feels like an actual, tonally-consistent conclusion

Kingdom Hearts III - On the one hand, this one gets big bonus points for managing to deliver on an ending that saw almost every character who'd suffered from terrible fates get happy endings in a way that felt earned, and to this day I cannot believe that they actually did the beach party ending that had been joked about for a long time. On the other, though, Sora's disappearance feels like a cheap hook to continue the story when it really should have been focused on just ending the Dark Seeker Saga without setting up for the next game (you could have had Sora disappear in the Re:Mind DLC though, I would have been okay with that). The highs are high, it's just really the last few seconds that bring it down for me

Kingdom Hearts - KH1 is a classic, but its ending is pretty basic all things considered. The world is saved! Kairi gets to go home! There's more adventure to come as Sora, Donald, and Goofy set off to find their friends lost to the darkness! It's perfectly acceptable, it's set up in a way where if they never made another game you'd be satisfied with it, but it's nothing remarkable, either

Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories, Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep, & Kingdom Hearts Melody of Memory - I'm lumping these three together because I feel the same way about all of their endings. They're fine, but they're mostly setup for future games. Sora's promise to Naminé is cute, Riku teaming up with Mickey and DiZ and choosing dawn over darkness or light is nice setup for his future arc, the Wayfinder Trio's fates are sad but make sense in future games, MoM has some neat lore teases... but all of them rely on the existence of future games to bring the emotional satisfaction of those endings so they don't feel "final," and thus not particularly satisfying on their own

Kingdom Hearts coded/Re:coded: It exists. It's entirely a plot hook. Same issue as the three above, but it has even less substance since we never see Data Sora again. The only real purpose it has is letting Mickey know things that the audience already did. It's not awful, but it's not good either

Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep -A fragmentary passage- - It's not really a full game, but I put KHx on here so I may as well. I think overall it's fine, and nobody was really expecting much from a short side story anyway. My issues with it mostly stem from the contrived way that it tries to shove Aqua into the KH1 finale without actually changing the finale, and that what Nomura said the original draft was is much more interesting and leads better into KH3 than the actual ending (originally Aqua was supposed to break down in despair and cry about how she wants to go home, which flows better into KH3's Anti-Aqua storyline). As it is, the ending is tonally discordant with the rest of the game

Kingdom Hearts Union χ - I think we all know what I think of Union X's finale. It's going here, because while I think that most of it should be ranked around where I have CoM and BBS, the parts that I didn't were so bad that it ruined the entire experience of it for me. It's only beating out the next entry because the parts that I did like were better than anything that happened in the next finale

Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance - This game ends with a tea party and Sora in goofy glasses, which is so absurd that I have to give it some bonus points... and yet it's still at the bottom. I can't get over the decision to have Yen Sid fail Sora for being actively sabotaged (while Yen Sid did nothing to help) while promoting Riku, who was not a primary target and in less danger. They both should've been forced to retake the test. This decision is so bad that I don't even care about any good that it does for Riku's arc, because it's not like Riku even uses the Master status that he gets from this anyway so why was it important for him to pass the Mark of Mastery exam? They don't even have the decency to show Sora being all that upset about it, even in private. It's just brushed off! And the way that Lea gets a Keyblade entirely offscreen is so cheap. DDD is the only KH ending that I would classify 100% as a bad ending. It's frustrating to sit through, and that frustration can't even be ignored because it has a major impact on KH3

[thecupcakewritesmorethings]

Amgry Kingdom Hearts Theory: Fox in a Box

Hi I’m mad.

I’m mad because of Kingdom Hearts. I’m aLSO MAD BECAUSE I THOUGHT OF THIS THEORY AND IT MAKES SOME(?) SORT OF SENSE.

Caplock rant over, crackpot theory Under The Cut.

Before I actually talk about the theory itself I have to establish a few things that lead me to believe any of this is a plausibility aside from how it’s Kingdom Hearts; and it’s just like though.

.Basis.

First of all, I am running with several theories here which haven’t been outright confirmed, though it’s pretty blatant a few of these things are meant to be implicitly deduced, not downright explained. Whether it’s because Nemura may decide to re-neg on some of these or not is anyone’s guess.

I’m running with the ideas that Ava is The Traitor, Is Darkness, and is also the Disembodied Keyblade Wielder in the final world at the end of Melody of Memory. Also, I feel like I should note that Ava is technically alive/has the chance of becoming a force in later games.

Ava, however, NOT Subject 0. Such an honor belongs to Skuld... For reasons you may already be guessing.

In fact, I’m going to do you a solid. The only game events you need to know in order for this to make sense is the general plot of Union X, The Kingdom Hearts 3, and Melody of Memory. Or even just the general plot of Union X, the end of Kingdom Hearts 3, and the end of Melody of Memory.

In Union X we uncover the general back bone of the theory. When we get through the entirety of the Keyblade story foam we come with the pieces of evidence we really need to back up this theory.

Time Travel works, but with limitations (Tm). Everyone from the Original Keyblade War is saved to the Book of Prophecies all USB style,but this doesn’t stop people from potentially dying. WHEN SOMEONE “DIES”, or more precisely their heart gets destroyed, their body vanishes (in the case of Strelitzia). 

WE ALSO know, in the case of Luxu/Braig that bodies outside of this Data world still age. This is why Luxu has apparently hopped multiple hosts, and also why Braig’s body ages when he’s a Nobody.

I also would like to propose another tag-along theory that doesn’t ultimately change what I am about to say; but Braig and Luxu are very much so aware of each other and while Luxu is riding passenger on Xigbar’s consciousness; they are in fact separate people. Xibar/Braig will just do things for Luxu when Luxu asks. It’s not super important, but I think it does add another layer of depth to the role Luxu had since his only job was to observe, and he chose to observe through Braig’s eyes. Braig/Xigbar is entirely at fault for his actions which led him to becoming a Nobody/Nort.

Get it? Got it. Okay. Moving on.

.Schrodinger’s Fox.

The overwhelming problem that is in Union X that isn't in the other games is actual consequences one would normally think of when considering wars: death and permanent injury.

In the span of the series we have seen ONE person die for real, and despite how sad it is; Strelitzia is likely never going to come back. The good news is for everyone playing Union X after KH1-KH3 (ish) is that this sets up the stakes of the game perfectly. The fact she hasn’t miraculously re-appeared due to some Keyblade Miracle really sets the stakes for that time period. When people die; they stay dead in Union X.

This provides the foundation of the problem. The Master of Masters KNOWS a war is going to happen due to the use of No-Name, and the efforts of Luxu passing from body to body in the future. This is also why I believe Braig/Xigbar has agency and isn’t just possessed. Either way, he knows a lot of people, potentially great and revolutionary Keyblade wielders, are going to die.

Whether or not his motivations are noble, just, or even at all reasonable: MoM sets out to try and stop it. By sending Luxu forward to do his observations MoM has a direct lay-line to the future which allow him to make the book of Prophecies... Which, as we all know from playing Union X, act as databases that the participants of the Keyblade war are stored to... Or maybe just their memories? It’s rather unclear.

Basically the people died but their memories were backed up, giving them a potential chance to live on in memory. Just... You know. Literally.

However, this is not just some grand gesture. MoM uses the Foretellers to set up his data world and keep the proverbial fires stoke while Luxu and the Traitor (Ava) confront each other.

This is where a lot of speculating begins. If Ava is that soul in the Final World; then she must have lost her body at some point, right? Well. She did.

MoM, knowing Ava is the traitor and she will inadvertently set of the war herself, travels into time to go and retrieve her body before she totally fades away and stuffs her into a device devoid of time, space, light, dark, and meant to keep her body functioning without perishing. Luxu doesn’t seem to have realized that Ava perished, or hasn’t realized he’s carting around her life support.

Anyway, MoM returns to the past, and he gives the box to Luxu, and tasks him to keep it safe and never to open it. The reason WHY it’s crucial the box is never opened is because Ava’s heart is in the Final World chilling with the people who died in the Keyblade war. If he were to open the box without going to the final world, Ava would actually perish.

Luxu probably suspects that Darkness is Ava, which is true, but that’s not the entire picture. In order to keep Luxu from figuring out too much, MoM makes a backup copy of Ava and names her darkness. This is something he could have easily done in the Data World, since he basically did this to create it. We also see data copies of Kingdom Hearts characters later in the series.

.Scientific Revelation.

Anyway, we jump forward several games. We could stop at Birth By Sleep, but aside from Braig appearing canonically for the first time not much happens here to serve the theory. All we do know is that Luxu and Braig are DEFINITELY rocking the same body by KH2 (not a phrase I ever thought I’d say). At the end of Kingdom Hearts 3 Luxu pulls the other Foretellers out of the Data World from the book of Prophecies.

There has to be a reason for this; and I propose Luxu’s goal was to wait and observe until the ability to bring people back from the dead/ bringing people out of the data world became a possibility they could achieve.

The Xigbar and Repliku fight was the second big fight in the maze, and I gather that Xigbar/Luxu chose to back off then because of Replica Riku’s sacrifice left him speculating something big may have been happening.

And lo and behold, something did. Xion is back and Xion has a heart? Old Xemnas becomes Tera again? ROXAS EXISTS AGAIN AND HAS A HEART? Yeah this has to be the sign he was looking for. He packs up his box, goes to the Keyblade Graveyard and summons/waits.

It is unknown whether or not he knows that Namine is walking around, but at this point he knows what he knows. Sora and Co can now bring people back from basically thin air, even giving life to people who shouldn’t exist, provided they have a vessel.

.”Ava had her own Mission, and she carried it out”.

I would say FAMOUS last words, but these weren’t Luxu’s last words. At least, I don’t think they will be. It seems rather uncharacteristic of Xig/Luxu to let things be, and even if Luxu’s task is done Xigbar lives for chaos. I doubt either of them will be gone.

Anyway, Ava did complete her task. By being duped into becoming the “Traitor” and having her body and heart separated, she was able to take care of the memories in the Final World, where the Fairy God Mother takes Kairi to meet at the end of Melody of memories. It’s unclear if she knows her body is in the waking world stuffed in a box, but I’m going to say she doesn’t, just like Luxu/Xigbar.

.”Like a Seeds of a Dandelion, Let them Fly to the Another World”.

I would like to cycle back to the beginning on this... Why Ava? What makes her so special out of the other Foretellers, barring Luxu? Something must have made her specific for this role, and it may have been Ava’s own good nature that made her the candidate. After all, if any of the other Foretellers took her role, it’s entirely possible that Ava could have quelled any infighting among the Foretellers, especially if one of the more hot-headed Foretellers was put in the box instead.

Another possible theory is that it was a fail-safe. When MoM speaks to Ava he’s not as dramatic as he is with the other Foretellers, so it would not surprise me if there was a large grain of truth to what he said to her. He told her that she was the last chance of hope for Light, but unfortunately that may have lead her into the box. Ava was tricked into being the traitor, but by becoming the traitor, she actually managed to land herself a very safe place. I think that the Master of Masters wanted her to be revived if his plan didn’t pan out. Just to be sure that Light survived.

[kenzichi]

Summary: Riku gets an unexpected visit from Roxas. Post KH3.

Note: Totally self indulgent. Don’t mind it too much lol.

Riku pinched the bridge of his nose. His eyes were burning from lack of sleep. His appearance probably didn’t look like much either. He needed to get off the database. He took one more look at the Sora in the computer screen before he stood up and hastily removed his jacket. He threw it onto the stool and walked outside Merlin’s house.

But once he did he had no idea what he wanted to do. His eyes stung at the morning- morning? -Midday sun. There was no one walking along the streets which was usual for this time of day. Maybe Leon and the others were visiting Kairi? He needed to do that soon.

"Hey." Came an unexpected greeting followed by footsteps. He turned to see Roxas walking towards him. Wait-

"R-Roxas!" It had been months since Riku had last seen him. Since the final battle over half a year ago in fact. "What are you doing here?" Roxas had never been to Radiant Garden as far as he knew. And he had no connection with anyone here so for him to be here...

"I came to check up on you." Roxas smiled, hands in his pockets.

"Me?" Riku was taken aback. Roxas certainly didn't seem like he was the type to pay friendly visits and they weren’t friends even if they didn't hold a grudge against each other.

"Yup." Roxas replied with a smile that worried Riku for some reason. "Let's fight!"

"What?"

"You heard me." Roxas stepped closer until he was a few feet away from him.

"Why would I-?"

"You owe me a fair, finished fight. Last time you turned into that man. A cheap trick to win." Roxas glared up at him.

Riku subconsciously gripped his wrist that Roxas had injured in that very fight. Riku had thought this was all in the past. But looking at Roxas it seemed he still wasn't quite over it.

"I want to fight you for real this time." Roxas summoned his Kingdom Key without breaking eye contact. "Real ‘till the end!" He announced. Riku had no time to protest before he had to summon his own keyblade to block Roxas swinging down from straight above. The impact sent Riku sliding backwards on the stone pavement.

"Roxas!" Riku yelled angrily. What the hell? That hit would have been really bad! Is he being serious?

The impact of the hit sent a stinging aftershock through Riku’s legs straight to his ankles. He winced and fell onto one knee.

I... I know I haven't been training much, but...

Roxas scoffed, "Are you serious? Have you just been fooling around since Sora disappeared?"

"Of course not!"

"Prove it then." Roxas replied sourly. He broke into a run. "Come at me!"

Just as Roxas had reached him, Riku sprinted under Roxas’ swing as if to run, but as soon as he was right behind him he halted suddenly, spun around and swung his keyblade towards his opponent. But Roxas turned around just as fast and blocked his attack.

Roxas smiled, "Ahh, there's the Riku I remember! Give me a good fight, alright!" They pushed each other back with their blades and put some distance between themselves.

"I don't have time for this." Riku practically hissed. Not while Sora is still out there. We’re wasting time!

"You have time." Roxas retorted. "By the looks of you, this will be over real quick."

Riku narrowed his eyes, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Roxas leaped towards Riku to close the gap between them. With both hands he swung towards Riku’s left side, but Riku blocked. Roxas swung again in the same spot, harder this time. "Exactly how it sounds!" Roxas lunged forward and slammed his shoulder into Riku’s chest, knocking him backwards. Riku stumbled wide eyed.

"What happened to the strongest kid on the islands? Keyblade Master Riku?" Before Riku could regain his balance, Roxas started an excessive chain of swings that Riku couldn’t help, but block helplessly against.

Riku felt cornered. Roxas wasn't giving him any chance to counter. All he could do was make sure Roxas didn’t run him into a dead end.

Roxas’ blows started to slow down just slightly, but enough for a seasoned fighter like Riku to notice. He’s getting tired... "Brings you back to the islands, huh? Just like old times, right?" Roxas said in between breaths.

Huh? Why would he bring up the islands?

Just as Riku thought that, Roxas took a big gasp before going in for another swing. Now! Riku quickly cast a single thunder bolt to strike between them.

Roxas jumped backwards before the attack could hit. Riku let out a heavy breath, relieved they were no longer so close.

Roxas chuckled at the exchange they just had. What’s with him? Was he making fun of him?

Riku clinched his teeth. That magic attack seemed like nothing, but it was more to get him off his back than to cause injury. And he felt like Roxas knew that too. That’s why he had that irritating smirk on his face.

Roxas lifted his keyblade into the air and cast firaga. A plethora of fireballs came flying towards them.

Riku gasped. He couldn't dodge. They were surrounded by buildings. Not to mention Merlin’s house with their only clue to finding Sora in a long time. Quickly, Riku ran in front of Merlin’s house and managed to produce a larger dark barrier than usual and deflected as many fireballs as he could back at Roxas. Without missing a beat, Riku released dark barrier and cast waterza on the fires that were quickly building up around them.

Riku let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Through the smoke he saw Roxas standing on the other side of the walk area, waiting patiently for him.

Riku steadied his breath before clinching his fists. "Are you an idiot?! People live here! Don't throw reckless magic around!"

"This is a real fight remember?" Roxas replied. "If you don't like it, stop me."

Riku had had it. He charged at Roxas so fast he was only a flash of dark energy. Roxas had no idea he had this ability. He certainly didn’t have it in The World That Never Was. Before he could react, Riku appeared before him, grabbed him by the collar, and shoved him to the ground. He knelt down on Roxas’ weapon-wielding hand, causing his grip to loosen and his keyblade to disappear. Riku slammed the end of his Braveheart into the ground next to Roxas’ head. "That's enough. Playtime is over."

“But we were just getting warmed up!" Roxas chuckled.

"Stop screwing around!" Riku yelled, clinching the boy's shirt tighter. He was straddling him and with his arm pinned down Roxas couldn’t move.

"Would you treat Sora like this too?" Riku paused. "On the islands," Roxas continued. "is this how you were when you fought with Sora?" There was no underlying playfulness to his words this time.

Why is he bringing up Sora? And the islands? No. This was nothing like that. Even when Riku was mad he still enjoyed his sword fights with Sora. Even when he was clouded by jealousy; he just wanted to be close to him. But right now Roxas was just pissing him off. "Why do you keep bringing weird things up?" Riku demanded.

With his free hand, Roxas gripped the fists that were holding him by the collar. "Kiss me."

Riku froze.

"You miss Sora don't you? It’s obvious to everyone. And sad, really. Even I’m starting to pity you."

"What are you saying?" What does he mean ‘everyone’? "You don't know anything." I'm fine. I'm the same as usual. Did someone put him up to this?

"So much so that you shut yourself away from everyone for 2 months."

But... I haven’t. Right? I’ve done plenty these past few months... Riku quickly thought back to his current day to day life. He would wake up, check the database, eat (maybe), run scans on the database, check on Kairi at the castle, train for an hour... maybe less, go back to check the database...

"We know about the computer in there. You unlocked everything you could on that thing and there are still no answers. So why are you still always on it?"

Riku looked away. "There could still be a clue." He answered quietly. He did truly believe that, but he also couldn’t deny just seeing Sora’s image on the screen comforted him. "Anyway, it doesn’t concern you. You do things your way on your end and I’ll do the same-"

Roxas sat up on his elbow, "It does concern me! Sora wouldn't want you to spend your days staring at a computer!"

"I'm fine. I don't need your twisted help." Riku let go of Roxas' collar and started to stand, but Roxas kept his grip on Riku’s wrists, keeping him close.

"But I look like him don't I? Remind you of him?" He pulled Riku so close their bodies were touching. Riku could feel Roxas’ body heat through their sweaty clothes. He felt a knot form in his throat. "I don't think Sora would mind. Not if it was to help you."

"Stop." Riku lowered his head. Despite them being so different, Roxas was still Sora’s nobody and they almost looked exactly the same. Their builds were strikingly similar. Not to mention their eyes. Riku squeezed his eyes shut, ashamed they were even having this conversation. Ashamed he was actually feeling something. Did everyone feel this much pity towards him? Was he really that miserable looking?

Roxas grabbed Riku’s shirt, and pulled him closer. "Look at me." He said as softly as he could. Eventually, Riku did. He saw Riku’s eyes for the first time that day. Tired and sad. Eyes that hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks. "I know you want to. So kiss me."

Of course he wanted to! Or rather, of course he wanted to, with Sora! To touch him and kiss him. Somehow, now that he knew his true feelings for Sora, it only made it harder for Riku to be away from him.

"Kiss me like you would Sora." Roxas ran a hand through Riku’s hair, "Touch me like you would Sora." He wrapped his arms around Riku’s neck, "He wouldn’t want you to suffer like this anymore."

He wouldn’t, huh?

Every night he’d dream of a city with towering buildings. Shining signs and bustling roads. And every day he’d imagine Sora next to him, talking to him, like a curse.

Every day, since having those dreams of the city, Sora would lean into him when they talked. Lay a gentle hand on his shoulder whenever he laughed. He’d smile up at him and say his name. He’d pout when he lost at a game of Rock Paper Scissors to decide who got to take a bath first. But then Riku would be forgiven when he let Sora have the last piece of meat for dinner.

When Riku was settling in for the night it was only a matter of minutes before Sora came to his room. Sora would lay down onto his bed before he even had the chance to. Riku would caress Sora’s spiky brown hair he loved so much.

And Sora would laugh.

He’d wrap his arms around Riku’s waist and nuzzle close to him. They would talk about their day of training even though they had just spent the whole day training, together. Sora would fall asleep telling his stories and only then would Riku kiss him good night because that was the only time he was brave enough to do it. But Sora wouldn’t be asleep. And he’d demand Riku kiss him again. And again and again. And each kiss would be less nerve wrecking than the last. Riku would fall asleep feeling Sora’s warm skin and soft lips. And his slim frame that fit so perfectly against his muscular one. And he would wake up the next day and realize it was all a dream, or an illusion, or whatever the hell it was.

And it would start all over again.

So when Riku actually felt a warm (real), gentle hand run through his hair... Soft, slender fingers against his neck, he was so tempted. Oh so tempted. And for a flicker of a second he did see Sora’s face in Roxas. Riku gently let his fingertips brush away the strands of blond bangs on Roxas’ forehead. He wanted to imagine they were Sora’s messy brown ones. Imagine his flushed cheeks were Sora’s, bright and pink. His eyes were the exact same blue as Sora’s it almost scared him. Riku clinched his fist on the pavement.

But Roxas was not Sora no matter how much they looked alike.

"No." Riku finally replied. "You’re not a replacement for Sora. And you know that better than anyone. Sora... He told you that." Riku said, eyebrows furrowed.

Roxas stared at him for a bit before closing his eyes, sighing. "He did... didn’t he..." His grip around Riku’s neck loosened, but he didn’t completely let him go.

"You and Sora. Even if I tried... I could never mistake you. You, who’s so quick to anger." He smiled genuinely, the hand playing in Roxas’ hair now on his cheek. "You, Roxas, with the sharp tongue and the presence so strong an enemy would shutter as soon as you entered the area." Roxas’ eyes widened. "Whereas-"

"Whereas, Sora," Roxas continued, "is the one who would brighten up any room as soon as he entered it." He smiled small. "And Sora, who could never say a bad thing about anyone no matter how much they deserved it."

Riku nodded, “Yeah.”

Roxas felt so stupid, but relieved. Roxas stiffened under Riku, suddenly feeling self conscious at their positions. He let his hands fall from Riku’s shoulders to his chest. "Yeah..." He whispered.

......................

"If we had gone through with it, would you have hated it?" Roxas looked up from the half empty glass of water in his hands. He hadn't realized he had zoned out. The little lamp on Merlin's table stung his eyes. Had he dozed off? The tall, red chair at Merlin’s table was cozier than it looked.

Roxas looked across the room. Riku was on that damn computer again, staring intently at the screen. "Sorry... What did you say?" Roxas asked.

Riku let out a long sigh, "Nothing. Forget I said anything."

Roxas groggily looked back down at his hands. The hands he used to touch Riku. The hand he used to caress Riku’s hair.

Back when he had dreams about Sora, Roxas recalled Sora always looking at Riku. He always admired his height, his strength, and his long, silver hair. The silver hair Sora secretly longed to touch...

Roxas closed his eyes.

I’m sorry, Sora.

If they had gone further, would he have liked it? His feelings for Riku, Sora’s feelings for Riku, weld up in his stomach. Even though I’m not Sora... Sora’s memories, Sora’s feelings for Riku were still imbedded in his heart. So had Riku desired it, he would have kept going.

Roxas’ chest tightened.

He was a terrible person.

"I know you want to. So kiss me... Like you would Sora." Roxas ran a hand through Riku’s hair, "Touch me like you would Sora."

Riku clinched his teeth before leaning in and kissing the blond on the lips. And Roxas parted his lips instantly, welcoming Riku’s touch.

[winterstarqueen]

Happy Birthday. (Roxas x female reader)

(A/n: Happy Birthday to Anonymous!) Roxas didn’t quite understand how a birthday worked. But,as soon as he learned what it was. He wanted to have more knowledge. Because if you had a heart. Then you had to have a birthday and if you had a birthday he could make you feel special. Because you’re a dear friend to him. Only he just didn’t know when your birthday was and he didn’t know what you’re supposed to do. Now here he was trying to think about it. Sure he could ask you. But,that would ruin the surprise. That was one of the few things he knew about birthdays. Some people made surprises. One day after a mission he looked at a bakery. What kind of surprise should he do for you? Make you a cake? No. He didn’t have any baking abilities. Maybe he could get you a gift. Roxas was having trouble. He wanted to make sure that you were happy on your birthday. But,he didn’t even know when it was. All of this was confusing. He noticed you walking around town. “(Y/n)!” He said smiling. You looked up. “Roxas?” You asked drying your tears. You really didn’t want him to see you like this. “I just finished with my mission. Do you want to go and have ice cream?” He asked. “O-Oh? Uh,I don’t know...” You said frowning. Quite frankly you just wanted to go home and have this day end. Then this unimportant day can end with no one caring. “What’s wrong?” He asked frowning. Because he’s a Nobody. He didn’t understand all the emotions that people had. But,he had a feeling that something was wrong. “N-Nothing...I’m okay. L-Let’s go get some ice cream.” You said. You guess it was better than nothing. Soon enough you were on the clock tower with Roxas. Only you weren’t acting like you used to. You were looking down and you didn’t eat your ice cream. He looked at you and your face was wet. Where these tears? You had talked about this before. Was this sadness? “What’s wrong? Are you sad?” He asked frowning. You thought that he wouldn’t notice. Because he didn’t know much about sadness. “I-I’m sorry that I’m ruining your day...” You said crying. “You’re not ruining my day. In fact you’ve made it better. But, could you tell me what’s wrong? So we can make it better.” He said. You didn’t say anything instead you hugged him. Causing him to drop his ice cream. But, he didn’t care about it. This sadness had to go away. Roxas looked confused. He didn’t know what to do. So he did what you did and hugged back. “E-Everybody...f-forgot....about...me. I-It’s my birthday today.” You said crying. “It is?! Oh no!” He said frowning. “You don’t care either?!” You said frowning. “No...I-I have a surprise for you.” Roxas said patting your back. He had to wing it and break rules. You didn’t know about other worlds or about the organization. But,he had to cheer you up. He let go of you and held out his hand. “Close your eyes.” “Okay...” You whispered and did what he said.

You felt strange. But,just for a second. Because Roxas held your hand tightly. Telling you that you’re going to be okay. “You can open them.” He said. When you did you saw a huge waterfall. You only saw waterfalls on the internet and in books. You knew that Twilight Town didn’t have any. So how come there’s one here? “It’s beautiful. Where are we? Because this isn’t Twilight Town.” You said looking at him. “Oh? Uh, you see I can’t tell you.” He said smiling. He broke tons of rules just bringing you here and he really didn’t want to get into more trouble. “Come on I want you to show you something!” He said smiling. You took his hand. “Whoa!” You said as he pulled you along. He brought you to a lagoon. You looked around. It was very beautiful. But,Roxas looked troubled for a minute. “What’s wrong?” You asked him. “Oh never mind. Maybe the mermaids will come out later.” “Mermaids?!” You asked. You were a bit jealous. Because Roxas seemed to know these mermaids well. But,your jealousy melted away when Roxas handed you a comb. It must have belonged to the one of the mermaids. “I don’t think that we should take it. The mermaids might get mad.” “No it’s for you. I wanted to get you a welcome gift. For you So,I asked the mermaids if they could make a comb for you.” He said smiling. “Really? I can have this? It’s so beautiful.” You asked. “Yes. It’s your birthday after all.” “Thank you Roxas.” You said hugging him. “Don’t thank me yet. You still need to meet the fairy. She can help us fly.” “Fly?” You asked him. This had to be a dream. There was no way that you could fly. You and Roxas continued onward and the fairy actually came out. “Hey can you please help us fly?” He asked the gold and green fairy. She looked at you. “I-It’s nice to meet you. I’m (Y/n).” You said smiling. She looked at Roxas. Almost like she was confused. Were the two you on a date? Well she was going to help. Roxas has gotten rid of the monsters. She was going to help in any way that she could. She gave you some pixie dust. So you could fly. “All you have to do is think about something you love or like.” He whispered. You closed your eyes and tried thinking about something. Only it wasn’t working. “Maybe I can’t fly...” You said frowning. “You can do it. Just try again.” He said flying around. You tried thinking about going to the beach with Roxas. You always wanted to. “See you did it! You’re flying (Y/n)!” He said holding your hand. “I guess that I am!” You smiled. You and Roxas flew around and played tag. A game that Roxas has never played before. So you won the first game. Actually he let you win. Because he wanted you to be happy. At the end of the day you sat down in on a cliff. “This was the best birthday gift ever. Thank you so much Roxas!” You hugged him. Again he was surprised by this. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing it’s just...what are you doing?” “I hugged you.” You said frowning. He hasn’t been hugged before? You looked down. Sure your loved ones forgot your birthday. But, at least they hugged you. As you explained it to him fireworks lit the dark sky. You looked up at them. “C-Can I hug you?” He asked frowning. He loved hugging you. He didn’t know why? But,he loves holding your hand. So,once he learned about hugging. He wanted you hug you. You nodded.

After that Roxas dropped you off at home and went home himself. You fell asleep wondering if that was a dream. Flying with fairies,seeing where mermaids live and seeing fireworks all of it seemed like a dream. If it was you didn’t want to wake up. Because Roxas is one of your dearest friends and you love spending time with him. You woke up and realized it was just a dream. No one celebrated your birthday. You got went into town and sat by yourself at the clock tower. “(Y/n)?” “Yes.” You said looking up. “You dropped your comb last night. It took a while to find it.” Roxas said handing it to you. “B-But, I thought that it was a dream.” “It wasn’t.” “Oh? Thank you Roxas.” You said smiling. “Everyone should feel special on their birthday. Even you.” He said smiling. The two of you watched the sunset together. Roxas had a weird feeling in his chest. However he focused on you.

[imagine-organization-xiii]

Oh yes, this is still open! What kind of spouse are the org members?

Xemnas -

Can you say sugar daddy - but like not really. Xemnas takes his role as provider seriously, so you’ll want for nothing when he’s around.

Quiet nights and stimulating conversation. Arm chairs in front of the fireplace with wine in one hand and a book in the other, sitting in companionable silence. He is an overwhelming, encompassing guy, but he values his privacy and intimacy just as much as values being around you.

Basically your equal in all things so don’t act like you’re better than him and don’t look down on yourself because you’re worthy of his support and attention. He values your time and your intelligence - don’t make him regret it.

Xigbar -

That spouse who is always ready for an adventure, but he doesn’t need to be because everywhere you go with him is in adventure! A hike in a forest or biking in the mountains is just as exciting as a trip to the grocery store or a run to the fast-food drive-thru

Intimacy and sex are two different things, but sex is definitely a form of intimacy for him. He loves being with you in that way and OFTEN, but he makes it fun with laughter and jokes, you know?

Dirty rat man soft for sweet sunshine s/o who could probably murder him and he’d be like yeah thank you; basically he’s a sucker for a powerful partner

Xaldin -

Xaldin falls hard and he falls fast, so expect unwavering loyalty from him. If you care for him and love him and treat him well, he’ll be forever yours.

Giant bear husband standing in defense of his s/o at all times? Absolutely. He knows you can defend yourself and he loves WATCHING you defend yourself, but let him show off his muscles every once in a while so you can ogle him and let him feel a bit smug

Always exciting with him. He likes trying new things so you’re always doing something fun, but there are also days where he likes to just spend time with you at home. Even the most boring days can be fun when he’s around

Vexen -

An intelligent husband who will never leave you lacking in stimulating conversation. You are always learning something new and exciting when he’s around.

Shared science experiments together? Yes, please, let him teach you and guide your hand, it will be a great experience for both of you and you’ll probably end up teaching him a lot too, along the way

Also infuriating and unyielding, which will probably lead to some arguing on occasion, but rest assured that if you can prove him wrong with something? His already high attraction to you will go up like 80%

Lexaeus -

The opener of Jars and the killer of spiders and cockroaches, but also the guy who likes warm bubble baths and cuddling; a gentle giant through and through and no one can tell me otherwise

No qualms in doing household chores, but also likes doing chores with you because it feels like a bonding experience

Doesn’t talk much, but he is a GREAT listener. Will ask questions at appropriate times so you know he’s paying attention and will offer you advice when you need it.

Zexion -

He sometimes gets embarrassed about his own interests but don’t let that stop either of you from enjoying each other’s company or doing things together. He’s into some cool stuff so you don’t want to miss out.

He also likes learning about what you like and will go out of his way to explore and do research so he can spark new conversations! He’s a sweet boy who would be a sweet partner even though he’s inexperienced

He’ll get in moods sometimes so don’t be surprised about that; he’s an introvert so he likes being alone and company can be stifling at times, but don’t take it personally. You can both use some time to yourself so take advantage of it when you can!

Saix -

Saix is a lot like Xemnas in the sense that he likes being a provider. He enjoys knowing that you trust him enough to rely on him.

He’s very task-oriented. When the two of you plan out date nights, it’s on a schedule. When it’s time to work, it’s time to work. There will be time for goofing off later, so focus on the task at hand and enjoy what time you can get with him. Don’t be too offended if he brushes you off when you try to kiss him while he’s working - he doesn’t like leaving things unfinished, so just be patient and he’ll make it up to you

Business-man in the streets, wild animal in the sheets. Never leaves you unsatisfied and always willing to try something new, within reason.

Axel -

A playful partner that loves to see you smile. There will be no tears when you’re with Axel!!! Tears give him hives so he will do his best to try and make you laugh even if it means causing bodily harm to himself. He hates it when you’re sad.

Every day is fun! There aren’t any boring moments with Axel because his brain is always working on overdrive. It’s hard to keep up with him sometimes so there will absolutely be moments where you need to sit him down and tell him to chill out for a bit, but you can rest assured that your relationship with never be tedious

Being with him also means being with his friends - who are your friends, too! Friends are important to Axel and it’s important to him that you can hang out with Roxas and Xion when he does without it getting awkward. He’s happy to call you a friend, too, before he even refers to you as his ‘partner

Demyx -

Demyx is a gift giver, but it’s not like... huge extravagant gifts. It’s more along the lines of the idea that he just so happens to be at the market and he saw a hat that he thought you might like so he decided to get it for you for no reason other than the fact that it made him think of you

Duets? Absolutely. I feel like this pretty much goes without saying. He loves singing with you and enjoys hearing you belt out a tune when you’re in the shower or walking down the hallway or just playfully dancing with him in your bedroom

He can be an awkward bean when it comes to serious situations. He doesn’t like things to be too stern or serious because he doesn’t really know how to deal with it emotionally. He’ll suffer through it, but don’t be surprised if he tries to diffuse the tension by making a joke or something when you’re trying to talk about something important

Luxord -

the well-educated, refined husband with a wild streak. Luxord is like two different sides of the same coin. One one hand, he’s there if you need intelligent conversation, quiet mornings with cups of tea, curled up on the couch in front of the fire with old books. On the other hand, he can also absolutely be that husband who’s always up to something, naughty and mischievous and definitely knows more than he lets on.

He cares about you, so don’t worry. You’ll probably be in on his schemes, too, if not helping him create those schemes. He loves having you as a partner in crime.

The accent is also a plus, too, so you can brag to all your friends that your partner has a sexy accent

Marluxia -

Brings you flowers every day. You’ll wake up to large bouquets in front of your face and on the bathroom counter and don’t even get me STARTED on the amount of flowers you’ll receive on holidays and your birthday.

You want to be wined and dined and romanced? Marluxia is your best guy. He is always ready to pamper you and he’s always at like Level 100 with that shit, so be ready to be APPRECIATED IN ALL WAYS BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT

He smells nice, too tbh so he understands if you want to just curl up on top of him and press your face into his hair

Marluxia is a hopeless romantic. He makes every moment special, but make sure you take the time to romance him, too! Trust me, you won’t regret it.

Larxene -

A++ wife material, best wife ever and your equal in all things. she doesn’t want someone to protect her and she doesn’t want someone who will cower behind her. you’re partners, first and foremost

Doesn’t mind being the shoulder to cry on but is always ready to kick someone’s ass, too, so just let her know if you want to be comforted or if you’re looking for revenge because she’ll be standing right with you no matter what.

Has a healthy sex drive and is full on a top so be prepared to get your world rocked at all times. She’s so gorgeous and amazing that you can’t believe how lucky you are to even have the opportunity to be around her

Roxas - 

Not used to positive and healthy relationships in general so he may not do anything if you try to take advantage of him, but you can bet your ass that Xion and Axel are keeping a close eye to make sure that you’re treating him right because he treats you like royalty

He’s ready for whatever you want to do! Isn’t picky with activities, events, etc. He’s honestly just happy to be included in whatever you’re doing

That being said, he’s always so shocked that you want to spend time with him? Like sometimes you have to remind him “Roxas, we’re dating, I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t want to spend time with you” and he’s just like :O

Xion -

the sweetest s/o you could ever have. She always puts your needs first even when she shouldn’t, so you’ll never have a problem if she has a say in it. She wants you to be happy and your happiness makes her happy!

BUT NO, she has to be happy too so you spend a lot of time helping her understand that she has every right to be happy and content and that she deserves to have good things in her life

lots of cuddles! lots of hugs and sweet kisses on the cheek or forehead or the nose. she’s shy about displays of affection, so you’ll be moving slow and steady, which isn’t a bad thing

[currantlee]

Language: English Rating: Teen and Up Audiences (T) / P12 Warnings: - Fandom: Kingdom Hearts Series: Another 358 Days (Ao3, Tumblr) Genre: Sickfic, Hurt/Comfort, some Angst Characters: Xion, Isa, Axel, Naminé, Roxas Relationships: Roxas/Xion, Xion&Isa (background), Axel/Isa (background), Xion&Naminé (background) Words: 5,416 Chapter: 1/1 Beta: CryptidGrimnoir137 and FanficWriter827 (both links to their Ao3 accounts) Notes: I’m currently taking a social media break (even though I kind of interrupted it for RokuShi Week), so if I’m not as responsive to comments as I usually am, please forgive me. I still highly appreciate every single one of them. Written for RokuShi Week 2021, Day 2: Taking Care of Each Other Other Platforms: -

Xion knew sicknesses weren’t an unusual thing at all. In autumn, a cold had been going around at school, and the teachers had kindly asked everyone who showed symptoms to wear masks to prevent it from spreading further, and stay at home if they had a fever or felt too sick to go to school. She had even gotten a taste of it herself already.

But that happened in late autumn, the time of the year when it was normal to get sick. Now, spring was finally coming to Twilight Town. There were green buds that would soon turn into leaves on the trees, and the birds sang so loud that it was getting hard to sleep from time to time. The days were also getting brighter since the sun was rising, and the higher it climbed in the sky, the warmer they got as well. Xion and her friends could even ditch their coats and pullovers in favor of jackets and long-sleeved shirts on occasion, when the weather was very good.

On this Wednesday, the weather was particularly nice. There were barely any clouds on the sky, and the twilight was more radiant than usual. Xion was surprised that Roxas wasn’t up yet. She knew he loved watching the eternal sunset, and he usually didn’t sleep in.

It was a good thing they only had school until lunchtime today. As much as Xion loved going there and learning new things, the weather was far too nice to be stuck inside all day. Maybe she could finally ask Roxas to teach her how to use a skateboard today.

Xion turned away from the window and poured some yoghurt into the cereal she was making herself for breakfast. She might have been a bad cook, but she could handle pouring yoghurt into a bowl. What could possibly go wrong?

“Isa, have you seen the thermometer?”

She turned around in surprise. “Axel?”

It was not that she hadn’t expected him at all – he had to work during their schooltime, so he was supposed to get up around the same time as them. He was a bit early today though. Axel would usually oversleep – seeing him being up in time was a rarity.

“Xion, watch the yoghurt!”, Isa called. “You’re pouring it all over the place!”

“Oh!” He was right. Barely any yoghurt had made it into her cereal bowl. Most of it was spilled over the kitchen counter all around the bowl, and some of it was dripping down onto the floor. “I’m sorry…”

Isa shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, it’s just yoghurt,” he said in a much friendlier tone. “Just make sure to clean it up, okay?”

Sure. She had caused the mess after all… Xion nodded and went to the sink to get a rag.

“And good morning to you too, Lea!”, Isa huffed. “You know, you should really work on a proper sleeping schedule for yourself! You’re either overly tired or you oversleep in the morning!”

“Yeah, yeah…”

Maybe Isa had a bad day at work, Xion thought. He was always complaining more whenever that was the case, albeit never in a cruel way like he had as Saïx. No, whenever Isa complained about something, it was most likely because he was worried, and Xion got the feeling that he was worried about Axel even more than he was worried about them.

“As for the thermometer, it should be in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom,” Isa went on. “Why?”

“Roxas isn’t feeling too well today,” Axel replied. “He’s been keeping me up half the night, I just wanna make sure he doesn’t have a fever too.”

Xion almost dropped her spoon. That sounded serious – was Roxas sick?

“Oh, I see,” Isa nodded. “Shall I call the school and tell them that he is staying at home today?”

“That would be great,” Axel nodded. “Can you call Even too? I don’t want to have to rush calling off work in case he wants me to take Roxas over to Radiant Garden.”

So he was definitely ill… Otherwise they wouldn’t talk about calling Even.

Xion recalled her own sickness involving fever in autumn fairly well. As normal as it was to fall ill from time to time, at least according to Axel and Isa, for Xion it was definitely the worst part about being normal. While staying in bed was somewhat bearable for her, causing her friends such worry wasn’t.

It didn’t help that she had been the first out of all three people inhabiting Replica bodies to fall sick. Axel had called off his work that day in order to take her to Radiant Garden so Even could observe her and make sure there were no complications. Xion usually didn’t mind being hooked up to a computer – not as much as she knew Roxas did anyways – but she had minded being taken to Radiant Garden. Even though she had been asleep for most of the trip, it had been terribly exhausting, and done nothing to speed her recovery up.

She had ended up spending an entire week there. Roxas had called every evening, and Naminé had joined her after a few days due to having caught the very same sickness.

But Roxas… He had never been sick before, at least not this bad. Sure, he had caught one or two colds in winter, but never something that had kept him from going to school. If it was this bad, he wouldn’t be able to go to school. Not that they immediately sent anyone who wasn’t feeling too well home, but a fever was a definite reason to stay at home.

The only time she could remember when Roxas had been off worse… A cold shiver ran down Xion’s back. She bit her lip.

“Are you alright, Xion?” Isa looked genuinely worried. Were her thoughts this obvious?

… Right, her emotionally influenced color changes. She forgot those existed most of the time since the issue wasn’t as pressing as it had been when it first happened anymore. It wasn’t like she was trying to take full control of it after all, it was just a part of who she was. Right now, her freckles or eyes must be lilac.

She sighed in partial defeat. “I’m just worried about Roxas.”

That wasn’t the whole truth. The last time Roxas had been in a truly bad physical state… That had been back in the Organization, when Xion had unintentionally siphoned his strength.

Getting sick was normal, yes, but what if Roxas wasn’t simply sick? What if history was repeating itself?

Xion lowered her head. She didn’t want to leave Roxas – actually, she didn’t want to leave the whole family they had found here in Twilight Town. It might not be a conventional one, actually they were a weird bunch of social outcasts some probably just shook their heads upon seeing, but Xion didn’t care what others thought. Even if it was merely because she didn’t know what actual families were like – to her, this weird bunch of social outcasts was family, no matter what.

But most of all, she didn’t want to leave Roxas. He meant so much to her.

Which was precisely why she would leave regardless, if it meant he would feel better. Sure, he might not be happy about it, and get that sad expression on his face once he heard about it. But he had Axel and Naminé to help him get over it. Oh, and Isa too of course – if Roxas let him that was. While their relationship had somewhat improved steadily, she doubted that he would let Isa help him with anything.

“Why don’t you go and see how bad it is for yourself then?”, Isa asked. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind seeing you.”

‘Because that might make it worse.’

“I still have to clean this up, don’t I?”, Xion lied instead, motioning to the yoghurt on the counter. She was glad that no colorful tell-tale freckles appeared on her skin and her eyes and hair retained their usual color this time. “Besides, I have to prepare for school. Naminé and I still have to go even when Roxas is sick, right?”

“Well, I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t,” Isa responded. He looked skeptical though. Did he notice something? “Are you sure you’re alright, Xion? You seem a bit off.”

She shrugged. “I’m just worried, Isa, that’s all. You’d be worried about Axel too if he was sick, right?”

“You do have a point there,” Isa chuckled. “Although I guess I’d also be a bit stressed out. Lea can be incredibly exhausting when he is sick. Make him a cup of tea and he will almost certainly complain about it being too hot or too cold…”

She could hardly imagine that – it seemed so off that it almost made her giggle.

“Well, I guess I have to make some phonecalls,” Isa said. “You get ready for school, alright?”

Xion sighed as soon as he left the room. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate Isa worrying about her, but she still would rather have talked to someone else about her issues. Isa was a good person, and more often than not Xion was glad that he was around, but she still couldn’t bring herself to trust him completely, and she doubted that she ever would.

She went back to the sink and rinsed the rag.

When it came to this, she couldn’t talk to anyone though. Axel would try to stop her from doing the only thing that would solve the problem – leaving as soon as possible, so she didn’t worsen Roxas’ condition any further. Roxas himself was out of the question for obvious reasons. And Naminé was a great friend and a good listener, who probably wouldn’t try to stop her and keep her plans a secret as well, but Xion didn’t want to upset her too.

Besides, all of them were busy. It would be a good opportunity to slip away without anyone noticing… Then again, she needed to pack some things first, something that would probably not go unnoticed.

They only had school until the sun was in the South today. Sure, they technically had extracurricular activities in the afternoon, like Naminé’s Brightening School Up!-project which aimed to make the school more aesthetically pleasing, but those were completely voluntarily. She could always skip her own Rock Climbing Club.

On top of that the school was a good half-hour-walk away from the apartment. Maybe that was enough to at least slow the process down for now. That way, she could pack her things after school, when both Axel and Naminé were out of house and Isa was asleep. Roxas was in no condition to stop her anyways.

With that plan in mind, Xion walked out of the kitchen and grabbed her rucksack from the dining table in the living room. She needed to leave as soon as possible…

“Good morning, Xion!”

Apparently Naminé was done in the bathroom earlier than usual.

Xion forced a smile on her face and tried to not show her true colors. “Hi Nami!” Hopefully she didn’t notice anything. “Wonderful day outside, isn’t it?”

“It is,” Naminé nodded, giggling a little. “I’m honestly surprised Roxas isn’t up yet.”

So she didn’t know yet… Good, that made things a bit easier for her.

“Did I take too long doing my make up again?”, Naminé asked. “Or are you leaving early?”

Right… She was already holding her rucksack. Xion shook her head. “Don’t worry, you still have some time to eat breakfast and take the tram,” she said. “I just figured I would walk to school today. Make the most of the weather, you know?”

“That’s a good idea!”, Naminé agreed. “I really should have gotten up earlier. Then we could have walked to school together.” She smiled. “Enjoy your walk. See you later?”

“See you later,” Xion nodded.

She felt terrible lying to Naminé like that – she didn’t plan on seeing her later. It was inevitable that Naminé eventually learned about Roxas’ condition, at the latest when he wasn’t in class with her. Therefore Xion had no doubt that the topic would be brought up if they talked, and she wanted to avoid that at any cost. She didn’t know how long she could keep this façade up.

Before she knew it, she had slipped into her favorite pair of shoes and left the house. Of course she took the tram instead of walking like she had told Naminé – the faster she got away the better. She would definitely be at school way too early, but that was fine. Anything was better than hurting Roxas even more.

---

Xion had always been good at avoiding her friends and even hiding from them when she needed too. She had managed that back in the Organization days several times, and she had no problem pulling it off at school, even though there were way more people looking out for her.

And during the breaks, Xion simply stayed at one of the toilets. Fortunately no one asked her about that. And during the lessons, it wasn’t that hard anyways – Naminé, Hayner and Olette were a year above her, and Pence and her both preferred to pay attention in class, so they were too busy to talk.

Well, at least Xion would have preferred to actually listen. On this day, this proved to be impossible however. No matter how often she tried to keep herself together and distract herself by listening to the teacher and taking notes, her mind always wandered off to Roxas. She hoped hadn’t gotten any worse… She should have just left in the morning. Why had she not just left in the morning?

School seemed to last forever on that day, and once the last lesson finally ended, Xion was one of the first students to storm out, not even saying goodbye to anyone like she usually would. She needed to get on the first tram that stopped nearby her house. Maybe she could have asked the teacher to let her leave five minutes earlier than usual so she could have caught an earlier one… Why hadn’t she done that?

The ride home lasted ten minutes, but to Xion it felt so much longer than usual. She was almost sure the tram was late, but several quick glances at her watch revealed that it was perfectly on time. Couldn’t the tram drive just a little bit faster?

Once she finally arrived home, she immediately headed to her room and grabbed the travelling bag Axel and Isa had gotten for her when they had had a sleepover to celebrate Ven’s seventeenth birthday – at least they thought he was turning seventeen since no one really knew his actual age.

Terra, Aqua and him were currently looking for his biological parents on top of searching for Sora in the Realm of Darkness. There was a good chance that Xehanort had simply taken him from them, considering everything else that man had done – Xion’s heart always ached at the thought of a young child being cruelly ripped away from their family. As far as she was aware however, they hadn’t found any leads regarding Ven’s origins yet.

Maybe she could help them. That way, she would at least be with some other friends of hers – even though she knew every look at Ven would hurt, considering just how alike Roxas and him looked.

Xion sighed when she opened her closet. That at least cleared up the question of where to go. Now for the preparations…

She took the neatly folded clothes out in a hurry and stuffed them into the bag without any further regards. Usually, she treated her clothes with a lot more care, but right now she just needed to get as many as she could into the bag, and quickly at that. She didn’t even pay attention at what exactly she was stuffing into the bag – matching clothing was a luxury anyways. All that mattered for now was that it was functional and would last her a few days or weeks. She could care about looking good later, when Roxas was safe.

Once she was done, she left her room and went down the hallway. She tried to be quiet. Roxas needed to rest and she didn’t want to disturb him. Isa was probably sleeping too.

And yet…

Xion hesitated when she was about to pass the door of Roxas’ room. Maybe she should at least take a short look? She hadn’t even gotten to see him in the morning, which meant that yesterday evening would have been the last time she got to see him…

She stopped.

She hadn’t really been paying attention to him then, too caught up in worrying about an upcoming exam. But she wanted to remember his face, with all the details. Would it be too much to at least say goodbye?

… She needed to see him – at least one last time. No matter how selfish that was of her.

With a sigh, Xion opened the door to his room. If she didn’t do this now, she would eventually regret it.

Much to her relief, Roxas seemed to be asleep. That way, he wouldn’t notice that she was about to leave – he would have tried to stop her once he realized that. Xion might have been a fairly good liar and actor, but Roxas could usually see through her with ease. Besides, she hated lying to him in general.

A cable was peeking out from under the wristband he always wore on his left to cover his port up. It connected him to his gummiphone. Xion recalled that after Naminé and her had gotten sick in autumn, Ienzo had programmed an app for their phones to monitor their vital functions when it was necessary, so they didn’t have to go to Radiant Garden every time something was up. All they needed for that was a cable with the appropriate plugs.

Despite this, he looked peaceful.

Roxas often had a rather fitful sleep, he tossed and turned fairly often even when he didn’t have a nightmare. Seeing him resting on his back with the blanket tidily pulled up to his chest was a rare sight.

His hair was a mess. To be fair, Roxas’ hair was always a bit chaotic, but Xion was pretty sure it hadn’t seen a comb yet on this day. The only thing that kept it somewhat in place were his headphones, which he was still wearing. They had a chocolate brown color with some warm grey accents, exactly the colors that suited him, and had two triangles reminiscent of cat ears on top. Xion really liked those on him, she found that he looked cute while wearing them. He must have fallen asleep while listening to some music.

Xion smiled – then, she remembered why she had come.

With a sigh, she sat the traveling bag she had already packed down, trying to be quiet in order to not wake him up.

Walking up to his bedside, she noticed were the bucket next to Roxas’ bed, and the tilted window. Strange – when she had been sick, Isa had told her that leaving the window open while she was in the room wasn’t a good idea. According to him, the drafting could make her cold worse. So why was Roxas’ window tilted then? Maybe because it was warmer outside?

It didn’t matter. She had to leave one way or another, and wondering about tilted windows wasn’t why she was taking this risk.

Xion knelt down at Roxas’ bedside to get a better look at him. She tried to burn the way he looked into her memory, trying to catch as many details as she could.

To her surprise, Roxas wasn’t pale, which she had expected him to be. The contrary, there was a slight, healthy-looking flush on his cheeks. Almost like he wasn’t sick at all. But Xion knew that appearances could lie.

Ven freckled quite quickly when he went outside – ever since the Keybladewar, Xion had never seen him without at least traces of freckles on his face, even after he had spent a considerable amount of time in the Realm of Darkness.

Since Roxas had inherited Ven’s genetic disposition, he was also very prone to freckling in the sun, even though he didn’t have as many as his twin did. The sun in Twilight Town just wasn’t strong enough to give him any. Xion liked how they looked on Roxas when he did have some though. They happened to visit the Land of Departure some weeks ago, and despite Roxas’ religious use of sunscreen, he had gotten quite a few over the course of a single weekend. They were already fading once more, but still clearly visible.

The freckles were on his cheeks, but mainly on his nose. Xion always found Roxas’ nose difficult to describe. It appeared noticeably wider at the bottom than it did at the base, and the tip was a bit chubby, which gave it seem a bit of an upturned look.

His cheekbones had gained slightly more definition over the past months. Xion found it funny how much that changed his face. It made him look… Older, somehow? She was pretty sure there was a better, more flattering word for what she was trying to describe, but she couldn’t think of it.

She wanted to keep looking at him, to wait until he eventually woke up and say goodbye properly, but she knew she couldn’t. Every second she stayed was another second in which she siphoned his strength, one second more in which his state gradually worsened due to her presence. On top of that, she knew Roxas was definitely going to try and stop her from leaving if he was conscious. Time was short – and yet, she couldn’t turn around and leave. She was so selfish…

Maybe she could at least give him something special as a parting gift? That way she didn’t have to feel guilty. She could just leave quietly, without waking him up.

Then again, what would that special something be? She didn’t have the time to get him something, and besides, what would he even like? Despite knowing him all her life, Xion found that question quite difficult to answer.

So she couldn’t even do that.

Xion sighed. “Sorry Roxas,” she whispered and a tear rolled down her cheek. Why was saying goodbye so hard?

In a desperate attempt to give him at least something, Xion leaned forward. This was a gesture she had observed in a movie, and judging by the fact that she had only seen it in a single one so far, she was pretty sure that this was something special. He wouldn’t feel or remember it, but it was the least she could do.

Very gently, Xion pressed her lips onto his forehead. He was less warm than she had imagined – was that good or ba-…

“Xixi?!?”

She shrieked and stumbled back, falling over her bag as she did so.

Roxas had lifted his head and looked at her with wide eyes, obviously startled.

Xion’s heart was racing. She had not expected this – why was he awake? Did she do something wrong by touching his forehead like this?

She lowered her head. “Sorry…”

He pulled his headphones off. “Huh?”

Xion only realized now that he must have been listening to music up until now, which was probably why he hadn’t heard her coming. She must have startled him quite a bit. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “For giving you a scare like that.”

Roxas shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. You didn’t scare me.”

He leaned over to his nightstand and grabbed his gummiphone. A confused look spread across his face when he checked the screen. “Don’t you have Rock Climbing Club?”

She shrugged. “Thought I’d skip it today. Since you’re sick and all.” That was technically true… Even though she didn’t tell him everything. It felt so wrong, she usually told Roxas everything. They were best friends after all.

“That’s sweet of you,” Roxas smiled, but he looked a bit tired doing so.

“How are you?”, Xion blurted out before she could stop herself.

“It’s not that bad…” He yawned. “I’m just a bit tired. Didn’t really get much sleep last night…”

Great. Now she kept him from sleeping on top of making him sick…

Xion sighed and picked up her traveling bag. “I’ll better be going then,” she announced quietly and turned around. She couldn’t bear looking at him any longer. Funny, since that was why she had entered his room in the first place. Well, at least she got to say goodbye…

“Farewell, Roxas.”

It came out quietly and her voice was shaking, almost like a quiet sob. A tear ran down her cheek, and Xion felt that it was probably just the first of many more to come. She didn’t want to leave him behind – but it was for the best. She didn’t want him to be sick either.

“Xion?

If she didn’t leave now, she would never. Either because she couldn’t or because Roxas would stop her.

“What’s with the traveling bag?” He sounded confused.

Another tear ran down her cheek. “Roxas, I…” How was she going to tell him this? It was going to upset him, she was sure of that… And he was already in a fragile state. She didn’t want to make him feel any worse than he already was. But he deserved an explanation. “I can’t stay.”

“Oh.”

That was not the reaction she had been expecting…

“That’s fine.”

Definitely not the reaction that she had been expecting. Xion felt a sting in her heart – was she not important to him anymore? It was unlikely, but maybe it would be better if that was actually the case, considering they could never see each other again…

“I should probably try to get some sleep anyways.” Roxas yawned audibly. “See you later?”

For a moment, Xion was tempted to respond in the same way she had responded to Naminé earlier, but she just couldn’t do that. Lying to Naminé like that was hard, but lying to Roxas… It was impossible. He was her best friend, and he deserved to know the truth.

“I mean forever.”

And that was it. Now she was crying. She just hoped Roxas wouldn’t notice; she didn’t want to make it any harder for him. Xion noticed a sob wanting to escape her throat, but she tried to suppress it, even though her throat started to hurt terribly from it.

“Xion?”

She sniffed. “It’s for the best,” she told him quietly, and her voice sounded a lot higher than usual. “This is all my fault. If I stay, you’ll just get worse…”

“Xion, what are you talking about?”

She couldn’t answer. The throbbing in her throat hurt too much, and she wanted nothing more than to just run away. Storm through this damn door and leave, so he would get better – even if that meant she could never see him again… But she couldn’t. Her muscles were all tense, and yet she couldn’t even move, not even when she heard him throwing back his blanket to get up and walk up to her.

His warm hand briefly brushed against her arm. “Please,” Roxas asked. He sounded almost desperate. “Talk to me.”

Xion couldn’t hold it back any longer. The sob she had been holding back for so long erupted from her throat, and it didn’t even relieve the pain. The traveling bag slipped from her hand, because she was trembling so hard. She cursed herself for being so weak.

Roxas pulled her into a hug, slowly and very carefully. Xion wasn’t sure whether it was because he wanted to leave her room to decline or him getting weaker. In any way, she lacked the strength to free herself, even though Roxas hugged her much more loosely than he usually did.

… He felt so warm against her back. Warm, but not overly so. Did he even have a fever?

Part of Xion wanted to turn around and melt into the hug he was offering her, but she knew she couldn’t. “I’m making you sick, Roxas.”

More tears were running down her cheeks, and if it hadn’t been for Roxas’ careful hug, Xion was pretty sure that her legs would have given out. How did he even manage to hold her up in his state?

“Xion, how did you get that idea?”

“B-Because…” She sobbed. “Because that’s what happened last time…”

And why should it be any different this time? While they were different people with different origins, they both were different versions of the same person, or at least they were supposed to be.

Last time, Roxas was Sora’s Nobody, his shadow, the empty husk that stayed behind when his Other had lost his heart. He hadn’t been supposed to feel, or develop an identity of his own eventually, and yet he had become his own person within less than a year. And Xion was a Replica, an artificial humanoid, programmed to copy Sora’s abilities and absorb his memories. She had been supposed to become Sora eventually, but instead she had become something else entirely.

“But things aren’t like last time.”

This time, they were both Replicas, or at least inhabiting Replica bodies – something right in between biology and technology. Not quite human, but not machine either. Xion remembered how surprised she had been finding out that they could even get sick.

But most of all, they were their own people.

On top of all of this, there were too many things that didn’t make sense. Roxas didn’t seem weak, just tired and exhausted, which made sense given that he hadn’t been able to sleep half the night. Xion briefly wondered what she had been worried about in the first place.

“My stomach just didn’t tolerate dinner so well I guess.”

They had had curry, Axel and Isa had cooked together last night. Due to Isa’s constant nagging about how important healthy food was, they had decided to do something different and use lentils. It had been tasty, but considering they had never tried those before… Thinking about it, Xion’s own stomach had been rumbling quite a bit at night.

She finally turned around to face him. Her vision was a bit blurry from all the tears, but she was able to make out his face. He really wasn’t pale. His eyes weren’t glassy either. Nothing about his appearance was screaming ‘sick’.

Then again… “Axel said you weren’t well this morning.” So it had to be more than stomach rumbles.

Roxas sighed. “I threw up half the night,” he explained. “That’s why I couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh.”

Xion herself had never thrown up herself so far, but she had witnessed Olette doing so in the school’s toilet. She had looked uncomfortable during it, and Xion remembered how unpleasantly it had smelled. Olette had then spent some time at the school’s infirmary, before one of her parents had picked her up and brought her home.

Xion finally returned the hug. “Are you at least feeling a bit better now?”

“Yeah,” Roxas said. He tightened their hug a little. “Still a bit nauseous, but overall, I’m feeling a lot better.”

But what if that was only because she had been in school, away from him?

Xion quickly brushed that thought aside. Even if that was the case, there were plenty of things they could do about it. There was no Replica problem Even and the other scientists hadn’t been able to solve before, so why should this be any different?

It felt like a huge stone fell off her heart – why had she even been worried in the first place?

It was only when they dissolved their hug that she noticed how tired he looked. Xion wasn’t sure whether his eyes were actually smaller than usual or if the dark circles underneath just made them appear that way.

“You should rest some more,” she said. “You look really tired, Roxas.”

Roxas nodded. “I probably should.”

They walked over to Roxas’ bed, and Xion covered him with the sheets. Roxas smiled a bit at that.

“Anything else I can do for you?” If she was already here, she could help him get better.

“Stay with me please?”

Xion smiled. “Of course.” There was nothing she’d rather do.

[atomic-taco-muffin]

I Love You Chapter 7

Warnings: More angst! 

Note: I have a headcanon that the Sea Salt Ice Cream Trio can still use the dark corridors. Also I got kinda lazy writing the dialogue.  

Sora kept visiting you while undercover. He kept wanting to see you and make sure you were okay. You looked okay, but he knew in his heart you were lost and scared. He was playing with you when Roxas spotted you two. Roxas pulled Sora out of your room and into a corner of the room.

“Sora?! What the hell are you doing? You’re not supposed to be here!” Roxas whisper-yelled. 

“I need to see her. I can’t sit here and wait. I have this feeling that the Organization has hurt her.” Sora said. 

“Again. You’re not supposed to be here.” 

“I don’t care. I needed to see her. She’s my daughter.” 

“Still. You don’t have control over your Keyblade again. How are you going to save her if you can’t wield it anymore.” 

“Look. I already lost her mother. I can’t lose her too.” You heard their conversation and started to feel dizzy. You were about to faint when Sora caught you. The light coming off from Sora and Roxas was too much for you. Sora felt your forehead.

“Crap! She has a fever.” he said. Sora picked you up and walked out of the room. 

“Where the hell are you going?” Roxas asked. 

“Home. Where she belongs.” 

“God. You are so stubborn.” Roxas opened up a dark corridor and Sora, you, and Roxas went through it. 

“Who...who are you?” You asked frowning. He tells you to just rest and that everything will be okay. When they exited, they ended up back on Destiny Islands. Sora was walking home when he heard you ask him a question.

“Am I going to be with momma?” You asked frowning. You felt horrible. Your fever was bad and your heart was hurting. 

“No you’re staying with me cupcake.” Sora said kissing your head. 

“Cupcake? Why are you calling me that? I barely know you.” You said frowning. It hurt him seeing you like this and not remembering him. Before Sora could answer you, you fell asleep. He kissed you gently on the head. Soon Sora was surrounded by Organization members. 

“I’ll take care of her for you.” Xemnas used his powers and took you from Sora’s arms.

“Xemnas! Let her go! Give her back! Take me instead!” Sora yelled.

“Look at you. You’re weak. I didn’t think that your own daughter...could be your greatest weakness.” 

“She’s not my weakness! She’s my light! She make me strong!”

“Guess what...she isn’t yours anymore. She belongs to us now. Take him away!” 

“Xemnas! Give her back!” Sora screamed as he took you away. He and Roxas ended up in a prison cell. This place was locked up tight. No one could use the keyblade in here. It could only be opened up from the outside. But the thing was...that everyone got caught. Himself. Roxas, Lea, Xion and Saix. They each had their own cell. Sora sat down on the bed that was provided. Sora looked in front of him. You were sitting across from him. You were kinda out of it. Sora didn’t care about the chains that held him back or the if he thought he was going crazy. With all of his might he tried to reach out to you. 

“(Y/n)! Please come here! Come to daddy!” Sora yelled. You didn’t move. 

“Cupcake please!” Sora reaches out to you. All in fail...that’s right he failed you. He was supposed to protect you with his life. But failed. 

“Cupcake....please.” Sora whispered. He didn’t care if this wasn’t the real you. He just wanted to protect you. He broke down again and started crying. He saw you try to hide your feelings again. You were crying because you lost and alone and hiding in the corner. Sora wanted his happy Cupcake back. But now, it seemed impossible. 

~~~~

Xemnas laid you down on your bed and tucked you in. When he left the room, he ordered Vexen to get some medicine for you. That night you had a dream. You looked into your dad’s office hugging the poster. It was for a daddy daughter dance. They were going to serve dinner,desserts and have music. You really wanted to go. You knocked on his door. He noticed that you were in your favorite princess costume. 

“Daddy? Will you please go with me to the dance?” You asked him. He took the poster from you and said. 

“Why I would love to. Your majesty.” He bowed. You remembered dancing with him and he hugged you. He looked at you. You are so beautiful like your mom. As he hugged you and swayed. He asked himself were you anything like him? In the dream you didn’t quite recognize the person that you were dancing with. It was kinda a blur. However you loved your dream anyways. This person made you smile. You woke up the next day, still having a fever. Xemnas came in to check in you. 

“Hi, Pumpkin. How are you feeling?” he asked. 

“Horrible.” you groaned. 

“Aw, I’m sorry, Pumpkin. Xemnas felt your forehead and it you were burning up. 

“You’re burning up, Pumpkin. I’ll be right back.” Xemnas left to grab to an ice pack. He came back and gently placed it on your forehead. 

“Vexen gave you some medicine to take.” Xemnas said. 

“It’s gonna taste gross, though.” 

“I know. But it will help make you feel better.” 

“Okay.” You took the medicine and washed it down with some water you had. After a few days, you were starting to feel better. Over the next week everyone was scrambling around. You asked your Xemnas what’s going on. That was when he told you that you’re special and you are going to help them. But they had to have to crown you princess. 

“But I thought I was already a princess?” You asked frowning.

“You are. But this is a special ceremony so that you can work with me.” 

“Okay!” 

“This has to be a surprise, so go play in your room till we’re ready okay?”

“Okay, daddy!” You skipped to your room and played with your dolls. 

~~~~

Meanwhile Sora tried to sleep but couldn’t stop wanting to hug you. You walked up to him. 

“(Y/n)....” Sora said hugging you. 

“I’m lost. Who do I belong to?” You cried confused. 

“You’re mine Cupcake.” Sora said kissing your head.

“Are you sure? Because this isn’t what I really look like....maybe you mistook me for someone else.” You said. That was when he realized. That he was seeing you how he remembered you. The real you was lost,scared and lone. Yuki decided to pay Sora a visit and was loving every second of his suffering. He tossed a tray of food to Sora. It wasn’t your average glop. It was your favorite food with a cupcake as dessert. It was to torture Sora even more and it worked. He told Sora the plan to bring back Xehanort. Sora said if they use your powers of time that your body wouldn’t be able to handle it well. Because you’re only a child.

“I don’t care. I got what I always wanted. Revenge. Look at you. You’re weak.” Yuki said.

“You’ll pay for what you’ve done to my daughter.” Sora yelled as Yuki left. Sora was going to get out of here and save you.

~~~~

The next  day you were playing in your room you decided to look at books. As soon as you grabbed the book a passageway opened. “What’s in here?” You wondered and you crawled into the passageway and slid down the silver slide. You found a hallway full of cells. You smelled your favorite food and followed the scent. It was coming from a cell. You shouldn’t be doing this. But the person in the cell was crying and looking at a photo. He looked very sad. 

“Why are you crying?” You asked. Sora thought that he was just missing you again. But you opened the cell and you approached him. You grabbed his hand. His hand was cold. 

“You’re freezing.” You said giving him your favorite princess cloak. 

“Here.” You said putting it around him. He didn’t say a word. Thinking that he was going crazy. 

“Would you like a hug?” You asked him. He looked up. You didn’t look like his cupcake. You had gold eyes and silver hair. But yet he recognized your heart and your kindness. 

“I have some lollipops would you like one?” You asked. Sora nodded. 

“I have six on me. Oh sorry I forgot your friends.” You said walking out and giving one to everyone. You returned him and gave him a cherry lollipop. You were really here. He couldn’t believe it. You didn’t quite know who he was because it was kinda dark in there. You sat down next to him as you licked your lollipop. You told him about the party coming up in a few weeks. He told you that you shouldn’t listen to them. 

“But why? They’re going to make me their princess. I’m ready for the responsibility.” You said. 

“Listen they’re going to hurt you. They only want you for your powers. Cupcake...” Sora said patting your head. You were confused by him calling you that. You had to leave. But in the middle of the night you went into the kitchen to get food for that sad man. And his friends. You even brought your favorite story book. So you could read to him. Only he read it to you. He did a really funny pirate voice. You giggled and smiled. A smile that he longed to see. You told him that your “dad” never did funny voices like that. Sora hugged you and you felt safe in his arms. This confused you a lot. You didn’t feel this way when you were with your dad. So you got out of the hug and went back into your special room and fell asleep with your favorite doll. The Sora plushie. It looked a lot like the person you saw earlier. But you were still confused about why you liked playing with that sad man. You wanted the party, but you thought about what the man said. You soon fell asleep wanting to be with your new friend again. 

[krakkenchaos]

I’m going to do a little experiment here. You don’t need to read it if you don’t want to, it’s mostly for myself. I’m going to list the fictional works that broke me emotionally in chronological order of when I first experienced them and try to figure out and explain why they had that effect on me. These aren’t just things I liked or things that made me briefly sad, these are the works that cut so deep that I wasn’t emotionally stable for days afterward. I’m doing this for some self-analysis and to hopefully alleviate some of those feelings I’m having now.

Bridge to Terabithia - Book - 4th Grade - Movie - 5th Grade - This was probably the first realistic depiction of death I ever experienced. It also planted the seeds for what would become some of my core worldviews regarding the importance of imagination and fantasy that I still hold today. My 4th grade teacher read the book to my class and visibly sobbed while reading the ending. The following year, my 5th grade class took a field trip to see the movie at a local theater. In both instances, it was unique to be in the same room as all my classmates, including the ones who usually tried to appear tough, all experiencing the same emotions at the same time.

Stargirl - Book - 6th or 7th Grade, I don’t remember which - This book introduced me to the concept of a “manic pixie dream girl” long before I ever heard that actual term. It caused me to think deeply about the nature of my close friendships, the importance of individuality, and the invisible pain that the people around me carried.

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days - Game - 7th Grade - I was already attached to this series and its characters and this entry was particularly good at evoking emotion. Roxas’s journey had strong, melancholy themes of feeling lost while holding on tightly to the few things that make sense like watching the sunset with friends. This was, of course, especially relevant to me being early adolescence. Also, Roxas and Xion were and still are one of the few ships I really care about so the ending hit hard.

Toy Story 3 - Movie - End of 8th Grade - This movie released at the exact time I was graduating middle school to go to high school and my sister was graduating high school to go to college. Enough said.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - Summer after Freshman Year of High School - This was the end of a series I had been following for what was at that point the majority of my life. Nearly everyone else I knew, from family members, to friends, to teachers, to crushes, to casual school acquaintances were following it too so sharing that "end of an era” together made me feel connected to so many people. I hope every generation gets to experience a popular saga like that.

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee - Theatre - Sophomore Year of High School - This one isn’t about seeing or reading a work of fiction, it’s about being a part of one. Spelling Bee wasn’t the first play I had been in (I did a few Freshman year) but it was the first musical and the first to make me discover that theatre is my passion. This show is THE reason I was able to become more social, have more self-confidence, become passionate about something, and consider myself an artist. Both opening night and closing night were defining moments in my life. It was a new beginning for me, even though my high school experience kind of went downhill after that.

A Very Potter Senior Year - Theatre Viewed on Youtube - Junior Year of High School - This brought back the feelings from Harry Potter ending while also reminding me that it wouldn’t be too long before I would have to say goodbye to my own high school theatre family.

Finding Neverland - Theatre - Freshman Year of College - This was only the second true professional show I had ever seen live so I was really moved by the spectacle. It was one of the first significant experiences I had with the new theatre family I was meeting at college. It didn’t take long for that group to not end up being like a family at all, but things were promising at the time. Also, the story made me feel connected to my parents who were missing me at home.

Disney Descendants - Movie - Summer After Freshman Year of College - I know this is seems like a weird entry because Descendants is just a harmless, saccharine, Disney Channel musical made for pre-teens, but that’s actually exactly why it had this effect on me. I wasn’t super happy with how college was going or with how “the real world” was supposed to be. At the same time, I was missing my high school friends since most of the friendships I tried to make at college weren’t turning out to be as genuine. With Descendants, it was painful to watch something so intensely innocent, simple, and hopeful where old friends grew closer and new found-families formed and knowing how far removed from reality it was.

I was so busy and distracted and stressed during the rest of college that I can’t think of any other works from this time that hit me in this way although all the theatre productions I saw or participated in during college were powerful in their own way.

Death Stranding - Game - a Few Months Ago - There’s no real personal connection with this one, it’s just a masterfully told story that included a barrage of powerful imagery and music in its final few hours.

Juno - Movie - a Couple Months Ago - The movie itself is mostly just a sweet, funny romcom, but it made details about my role in a past relationship finally click to make things clear and reveal a lot about myself. (I didn’t get anyone pregnant if that’s what you’re thinking)

The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Movie - Three Days Ago - In addition to being an extremely raw story that asked me to view the world from the eyes of its protagonist (who I see a lot of myself in,) this movie resurfaced A TON of buried insecurities, regrets, and unfulfilled desires that I hadn’t been thinking about or letting bother me for a long time, especially the idea that I wasn’t bold enough in my interpersonal relationships while I was still in school. Being in quarantine significantly amplified all of the feelings it brought up.

[nadziejastar]

I’m glad the creators want to emphasize thatCloud’s “badass, silent dude” personality was just a fake persona he created. I think a lot of fans had the misconception that was his true personality all along.

Warning: FVII Spoilers

Nomura: “While Cloud may look this way, he was a dork. I believe those of you who played the the original would understand what I mean by saying he’s a dorky character.”

I totally agree. I think a lot of people aren’t good at picking up subtle characterization, especially since the original game didn’t have advanced cutscenes or voice acting. Cloud always seemed like a dork to me after I learned he really had dissociative identity disorder and his whole SOLDIER thing was just a persona--an alter. Barret knew it, and made fun of him. So many people complained that Cloud was OOC in Advent Children and I remember feeling confused because I really didn’t think he was? He was depressed, but it seemed realistic after everything he’d been through.

“In severe cases of mental splitting when the extreme pain drives that person into disassociation, at the moment the person disassociates from their body, the soul-psyche manifest coping mechanisms to survive. To disassociate from the painful trauma felt in the body, the soul and mind will split into sub personalities, or create alternate identities. These are called alters.”

While we’re on the topic of Cloud’s fake badass silent persona, the way Tifa repairs Cloud’s fractured mind in FFVII always reminded me of the power of waking in KH. I’m sure FFVII was the precursor to this idea. Cloud developed his badass persona when he watched Zack get murdered right in front of him. He dissociated and took on a tough guy alter in order to cope.

Sora turned around. Empty husks? Is he saying they’re going to break them with sorrow and put another heart into them…? Or did they already do it?

“Translation—they were gonna turn all the members into Xehanort.”

“Make more Xehanorts?” You’re hollowing out people’s hearts to put Xehanort’s inside them?!

In order to turn people into Xehanorts, they had to break the person’s psyche with pain. That way, the Xehanort “alter” can take over the body. I’m sure that’s what the mind control experiments were about.

You could say Cloud’s heart was in the Realm of Sleep, like Ventus’s was when he first met Terra and Aqua. He was unable to talk and he was not really aware of his surroundings. Cloud’s mind was in pieces and Tifa had to “dive” inside his psyche to repair him and restore him to completeness.

KH3′s tagline was “face your fears”. When I write my KH3 rewrite fic, I wanna give each of the Seven Guardians one of these segments to fully explore their fractured psyche. A time for them to face their insecurities and fears, and actually show them being healed. That’s THE biggest thing I think KH3 was missing. Before waking up, each character needed a Tifa to help them piece themselves together. Riku got swallowed by the Demon Tower in the beginning. I think the Demon Tower was supposed to be something that causes you to be trapped in your worst nightmare. Then he’d have to face his fears with the help of Mickey. His “other self”. He’d have to confront all his insecurities and his guilt over feeling like it was his fault Destiny Island got destroyed.

Mickey got swallowed by the Demon Tower later on. Then he had to deal with his guilt over feeling like he failed Aqua and left her to rot in the Dark Realm. I think the Dark Aqua boss fight was probably originally supposed to be part of Mickey’s nightmare that Riku was trying to wake him from. All the things she said sounded like a reflection of Mickey’s worst fears. And that darkness bubble thing looked like the same thing Sora was trapped in at the end of KH3D, when he was in the nightmare.

I think ALL the main characters, including Sora, were supposed to get a segment like that to give their arcs closure. Sora would have to dive into the abyss at the beach (the KH equivalent of the Lifestream that Cloud fell into). That beach is basically the collective unconscious. All of Sora’s sleeping memories (of Castle Oblivion/Namine, Roxas, and Xion) would have to be confronted. And after that, he’d have to help Aqua face her worst feelings, which was that she failed to save Ven and Terra.

The whole opening of 0.2 foreshadowed the part where Sora would wake Aqua up. Sora didn’t really connect with her heart in KH3 or help her face her fears, though. The whole saving Aqua thing felt so rushed. I think higher ups at either Square or Disney thought that a AAA game like KH3 shouldn’t “waste” so much time with exploring the characters’ psyches and the story needed to move at a faster pace. But we missed out on so much.

I’m sure Ven was supposed to face his fears of feeling like he failed Terra. Lea would have to face his fear that he abandoned Isa for his new best friends and forgot all about him. He’d have a lot of guilt over that and he’d have to face a Nightmare Saix which would be the manifestation of all his worst fears. Honestly, I’m sure the FFVII Remake will do a better job demonstrating the power of waking than KH3. Which is sad.

Back to Cloud. In Crisis Core, you see a shy insecure kid who can’t even face Tifa. That’s the real Cloud. The part of himself he can’t accept.

Cloud never even really wanted to be a SOLDIER for its own sake.

He just wanted to accomplish something. He was lonely and depressed and thought a man was “supposed to be” a soldier. He just wanted to be noticed by Tifa. And Tifa didn’t know this. She genuinely thought Cloud was just a typical boy who wanted to leave home so he could fight in the war.

She took care of him during his time of weakness. And the whole point of FFVII was that Cloud was “weak”. I liked that he wasn’t the generic badass hero who simply “won” the girl by being strong and cool. And it made me like Tifa, too. At first, she wanted her and Cloud to fulfill the stereotypical heterosexual relationship roles. She told Cloud that when she was in trouble, her hero would come rescue her. Then Tifa got to know the real Cloud.

He loved her. But he wasn’t really that heroic. Even his mom thought he needed a girlfriend that would take care of him. But Tifa accepted him anyways, even when he didn’t live up to her knight in shining armor fantasy. She got her relationship with him, with all its flaws. She was HIS hero, actually. I liked that because FFVII was really the first game I ever played where the main couple had what I thought was genuine intimacy instead of simply the girl being the “prize”. And I LOVE FFVII. After he is pieced back together, Cloud acts completely differently. He isn’t cocky or cool. He seemed humble, quiet, and not so much a natural “leader” type.

Zack was the badass everyone thought Cloud was. He took care of Cloud after they were experimented on and Cloud was broken. I cannot help but think that Lea and Isa’s past was originally similar to theirs after being experimented on. Crisis Core was an inspiration for me in imagining their past. Lea is similar to Zack. Cheerful, confident, resilient, and heroic. Very compassionate, too. The way he talked to Cloud even when he was “broken” was very sweet. And I think Isa was similar to Cloud who is more sensitive, vulnerable, and needy. Cloud mentally fractured after watching Zack die in front of him. I wanted to write something similar with Lea and Isa. Isa mentally shatters because he witnessed Lea lose his heart. :)

[phoenix-downer]

Rokunami Day 2020

Sir Roxas and the Lady of the Lake. ~2100 words. Inspired by Arthurian legend. 

Brocéliande. There was a certain magic in the name of this place, and it lingered in the air and hovered near the oaks and beeches Roxas passed by on his steady mount Llamrei. Dappled light covered the ground beneath Llmarei’s hooves, and Roxas wiped the sweat from his brow. How long had he been riding through this enchanted forest? 

Llamrei’s pace was slowing and her breathing was getting heavier, so Roxas dismounted and led her by the reins, searching for traces of water for her. A bubbling brook or steady pool would do just fine and give him the chance to refill his canteen, too. 

After walking for a little while, he noticed the trees were growing thinner and the ground underneath him was sloping downwards. Then the sound of gentle waves lapping against the shore reached his ears, but they were different from the strong waves of the sea. A few moments later, his eyes confirmed what his ears had told him: before him was a lake full of dark blue water, and a hazy mist rose from its glassy surface. 

This was perfect. Llamrei could drink to her heart’s content, he could restore his own water supply, and there were bound to be berries and roots nearby, as well as animals coming to drink at the lake that he could hunt. They could rest, too, once they’d had their fill of water and food.

“You thirsty?” Roxas asked Llamrei, and she nickered. “Well, you’re in luck. We found the perfect place.” 

Roxas let Llamrei wade into the shallow water, and she lowered her head and began to drink. Satisfied that his horse was taken care of for now, he walked a little ways away from her, then kneeled and lowered a hand to the water. He was about to scoop up a sip when a young woman’s face appeared right beneath the surface of the water. Yelping, he staggered backwards and nearly tripped over his own two feet, and Llamrei lifted her head. 

“Wh-What’s that? Who’s there?” he demanded. While it was possible he’d just stumbled on a corpse, this was said to be an enchanted forest, and it was just as likely that he’d found a fairy or a nymph or some other creature with a mischievous streak. Whether this creature would be cruel to him or kind to him depended largely on its own whims, and it was best if he stayed on his guard.  

A light, airy laugh echoed all around him, and Llarmei’s ears flickered back and forth as she tried to figure out where the noise was coming from. 

“You come to my lake and dare to ask who I am?” came a voice as if from far away. “You are quite bold, Sir… Sir…”

“Roxas. My name is Roxas,” Roxas said nervously. Being rude to a fairy was a bad idea, if his mother’s stories were to be believed. He peered into the water again, but her face was gone.

“Sir Roxas,” she said. “And what brings you here to my lake?”

“My horse Llamrei was thirsty, ma’am,” he said. “She needed water.” 

“Well… a man who is kind to animals is a welcome guest to my abode,” the woman said at last. 

Roxas relaxed. For now, at least, he was probably safe from any tricks. “And who might my gracious hostess be?” he asked, being careful to keep his voice polite. 

“I am Naminé, the Lady of the Lake.” 

“Lady Naminé,” Roxas said as he bowed his head, “thank you for letting me and my horse drink from your lake.”

He didn’t dare ask to see her again; that would be too bold. Instead he cautiously waded back in the water and drank, then refilled his canteen. As he was readjusting his pack, he thought he spotted a sword rising from the surface of the water a little ways away, grasped in a slender, delicate hand.

“Lady Naminé?” he called. “Is that you?” 

“This sword is yours for the taking, if you so wish to take it,” came her singsong voice. “But if it pleases you to take it, you must promise to grant me one wish.”

With a gasp, he realized he recognized the weapon. It was Excalibur, his prized possession, his beloved sword. He had lost it in battle, and ever since, he hadn’t had the heart to duel wield anymore. He still had the beautiful Dyrnwyn with its white hilt and its blade that caught fire when wielded by anyone worthy, but it still wasn’t the same as having Excalibur. Excalibur was a weapon above all other weapons; forged in the furnaces of Avalon, the two chimeras on its hilt struck fear in the hearts of its wielder’s enemies. Using the sword greatly enhanced Roxas’s power and magic, and wearing its scabbard protected him from losing even a drop of blood. 

“Please, I have to have it back,” he said as he waded deeper into the water, then hesitated. What if this was a trick? What if it was an illusion, and the Lady of the Lake would lure him deep into the water, then drag him underneath its surface and drown him?

“Don’t be afraid, Sir Roxas,” Lady Naminé said. “I will give it to you if you promise to grant me one wish.”

He hesitated again. “What wish is that, my lady?” 

“I cannot tell you until you have agreed to my terms.” 

“But how can I know if the terms are good if you won’t tell me?”

“You will have to trust me. You want your sword back, don’t you? All you have to do is say, ‘Yes, I will grant you your one wish,’ and Excalibur will be yours again.” 

He didn’t know what to do. On the one hand, he wanted Excalibur back, more than anything. But on the other hand, he could be signing up for his own death, or for a fate worse than death, by agreeing to this. Legends abounded of people trapped in trees and towers and rocks for angering lovers or friends who turned out to be fairies or magicians or enchantresses.  

“You promise you aren’t tricking me?” he said. 

“I promise. You have my word.”

Roxas sighed and said, “Very well, Lady Naminé. I will grant you your wish in exchange for Excalibur.” 

Something bumped against his leg, and he realized it was a small boat. He climbed inside and rowed to the middle of the lake, where Lady Naminé patiently held up Excalibur. He could make out her face underneath the water again, and it struck him that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her eyes were the same deep blue as the water, and her hair was like sunlight. Her dress swirled all around her, ebbing and flowing with the water to the point he couldn’t determine where it ended and the waves began. 

He set the oars aside and reached over the edge of the boat. His hand rested over hers, and her hand wasn’t at all cold or wet like he was expecting. It was soft and warm, and he almost regretted the moment she let go of Excalibur, leaving the hilt grasped in his hand. 

“Thank you,” he said, and she smiled. She looked more like an angel than an enchantress, which was what Roxas figured she was. Whatever her true nature though, Roxas was beginning to believe she really was on his side. He returned her smile, then fastened Excalibur’s scabbard to his waist. It felt good to have his trusty sword back, and now it was his turn to uphold his end of the bargain. 

“Now, what is it you wish?” he asked. 

Her smile faded, and a shadow came over her face. “When you are king, do not forget me. Do not forget the Lady in the Lake who restored Excalibur to your side.”

“Wait, I’m gonna be king?”

She nodded. “Yes, Sir Roxas, you will be king.”

“That’s all you want me to do? Remember you?” 

That seemed easy enough. Surely there was some kind of catch to her request. 

“It will be a harder task than you may think,” she admitted. “You will go on many adventures. You will meet people whose faces you remember better than mine. We may cease to recognize each other completely, in fact. But you must find me again.”

“And then what? What happens when I find you?”

“What the stars have decided for us from the moment we were born. Now go, and do not forget me.”

“I won’t,” he said. “I promise.” 

She smiled, but her eyes were sad. “Oh, but you will. You will forget. You’ll forget my face. You’ll forget my voice. You’ll even forget my name.” 

“No, I won’t!” he cried. “How could I ever forget a face as beautiful as yours?” He froze, and he knew a blush was creeping up his neck. Had he really just admitted he found her beautiful? That wasn’t the kind of thing he should be saying at all to her. Where had his manners gone?

“Beauty is fleeting, and memory is faulty,” she said sadly. “Many a man has promised to free me from this lake, only to forget me and abandon me.”

“You’re trapped here?” he said, his brow furrowing, and she nodded. 

“An evil enchantress cursed me to remain here when I was just a child. Soon after I was born, it was foretold that my magic would be greater than hers, and she was jealous of me. She kidnapped me and trapped me here.”

“That’s awful,” Roxas said. How long had she been stuck here all alone?

“The only way to free me is to return for me,” she explained. “But everyone who meets me once leaves and never comes back. The only thing I can conclude is that they’ve all forgotten about me. They’ve all forgotten the promise they made.” She sighed deeply. “It must be the work of the evil enchantress. She wants me to be trapped here forever.”

“I won’t forget you, I swear,” Roxas said. “I’ll come back for you, I promise.” 

“How can you be sure?” she said sadly. 

Roxas thought for a moment. If magic really was involved, who was to say he wouldn’t forget her like all the others had? As he pondered the problem, his hand idled to the ring around his finger with his family’s crest, and that was when it struck him. He needed something to remember Naminé with, something that magic couldn’t mess with. 

“Give me something of yours,” he told her. “Something to have and to hold. Memory may be fleeting, but if I have something to remember you by, it might be enough to resist the curse.” 

She nodded and reached into the folds of her dress. A moment later, she lifted a handkerchief out of the water. Somehow, it was perfectly dry as she placed it in his hand. He noted with a great deal of pleasure that she left her hand in his for longer than was really necessary before shyly withdrawing it. 

“See? This has your name embroidered on it,” he said as he carefully examined the handkerchief. “I’ll wear it next to my heart until we meet again.”

He could’ve sworn her cheeks turned pink, but it was a little hard to tell with the water between them. 

“Thank you, Sir Roxas.”

“Please, just call me Roxas.”

Her cheeks got pinker. “Yes, Roxas. And please, call me Naminé.” 

“Sure, Naminé.” He smiled and slipped the ring off his finger. “Please wear this for me until I return. You gave me something of yours, it’s only fair I give you something of mine.” 

She lifted her left hand out of the water this time, and he slipped the ring on her ring finger, then kissed her hand. To his relief, she didn’t chide him for his bold gesture, and instead smiled and gently touched the ring once her hand was back underwater. 

“Wait for me,” he said, and she looked up to meet his eyes. “I’ll come back for you when I’m king.”

“I know you will. Farewell for now, Roxas. We’ll see each other again soon.”

As he withdrew from the lake with Llamrei at his side and Naminé’s handkerchief next to his heart, he willed with all his heart to make his promise come true. He would return to Naminé, and when he did, he would make her his queen, if she would have him. 

For that, no amount of magic or enchantment would ever stop him from returning. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This was written for Rokunami Day, for the prompt, “To have and to hold.” I’ve been wanting to do something related to Arthurian legend for KH for a while now, and I finally got to do that with this fic. I hope you all enjoyed! 

A big thank you to @rapis-razuri​ who read over this fic for me. I really appreciate the support! And thank you to the Rokunami fandom for always being so caring and kind and supportive! 

I’d also like to thank Canva and Pixabay for making this graphic possible. haha. My graphic design skills are a work in progress, but thanks to them I was able to put something together! 

[emeralds-are-love]

The Balance: A Ben 10-Kingdom Hearts Crossover

Prologue:

The world wasn't always like this. At least...that's what my grandpa tells me....

Long before I was even thought of, or any of us for that matter, people where born with special abilities. Super powers, so to speak. These abilities were split into two halves of one whole: the Light, symbolizing purity, innocence, the shining sun in the day, and the Dark, symbolizing mysteries, mischief, the glowing moon at night. They were literal Yin and Yang, coexisting peacefully, one never overtaking the other. People seemed to accept that for a long time. Until...he came along.

Xehanort Shadhart is a name that will live on in infamy. When he was younger, it was said that he and his brother, Sephiroth, had grandiose dreams of growing stronger with their Dark powers and eventually become the most powerful people in the world. And it turns out they weren't the only ones that felt that way.

Thousands of Dark users had felt the same way as the Shadhart brothers, and certain Light users didn't help the situation at all. They bragged that because people of the Light represented purity, they were better than those of the Dark. Some even went as far as to oppress Dark users, going against their "pure" nature by being cruel. This caused hatred and animosity to grow strong in the hearts of those of the Dark, fueling their power and making them stronger. The Balance that had formed in the beginning was starting to break.

Xehanort saw this and planned to take full advantage of it. He rallied all those of the Dark together and proposed that they overthrow the Light side and take control of the world. Needless to say, they liked his plan and it was quickly set into motion. And, unfortunately, the Light side never saw it coming.

Powerful Light users were either killed or taken away, never to be seen again. The ones who weren't so strong were registered and kept under constant surveillance. Once everything was said and done, Xehanort seized the opportunity and made himself leader of this new world, with his brother as the leader of his armies. Over the years, the Shadhart family grew more and more powerful and it seemed as if nothing could stop them. But what they didn't realize was that not everyone from the Light side were going to take this lying down.

My grandpa, Max Tennyson, is a very powerful Light user and a kind yet capable man. When he realized just what was going on, he began to gather Light users to form a resistance against the Dark regime. Since he was a powerful user, my grandpa had to do all of this carefully, staying hidden and holding secret meetings. But a life of hiding and fighting wasn't a life he wanted for either of his sons, my dad Carl and my Uncle Frank. So, he encouraged them to try and stay low in plain sight and not get involved with the Resistance. To lead safe lives. They both married and led normal lives...well normal as it can be under a tyrannical rule. That is until...they wanted to start a family.

And that is where I come in. My name is Benjamin Kirby Tennyson, but I would thank you to please just call me Ben. I was born to Carl and Sandra Tennyson along with my twin sister, Brendalyn Kirsten Tennyson, but call her Bree. When our mom found out she was pregnant, our parents were ecstatic. But when we were born, that excitement turned to fear. Why?

Well, after Xehanort came into power, he decreed that any child that showed strong Light power by the age of five would be taken straight to him. Once that happened, the children were never seen again. So many families were destroyed that way and it was another reason why so many ran to the Resistance. My parents, despite both my Grandpa Max and Grandma Verdona being very powerful, were low on the power scale and thought that they would have children who were the same as them. Oh God, they were so wrong.

A child of the Light is usually born with sparkling eyes and the brighter the eyes shine, the more powerful the baby would be. Unfortunately for my parents, my eyes shone brighter than the stars. Bree's eyes shone bright as well, as did my cousin Gwen's. My aunt and uncle immediately went into hiding with the Resistance, but my parents didn't, hoping, praying, that our power would fade. But it never did.

Having no where else to turn and knowing that Xehanort's forces would come to take us on our fifth birthday, a month before our fifth, my parents gave me and my sister to our grandparents in the Resistance and went on the run, hoping to lead them off our trail.

That was the last time we ever saw them. We're fourteen now and have been in the Resistance our whole lives, growing with the rest of the children and learning how to fight. My goal is to become stronger and one day, this war will end. And I will have my family again.

----------------------------

"Ben? Ben!"

I snapped out of my daydream and sighed, sitting up from my reclined position. My eyes raised up and blinked at the sight of my friends, Sora Strife-Leonhart and Julie Yamamoto, standing over my position on the floor of the Light Compound's auditorium.

Julie was a American-Japanese girl whom had come to the Compound with her family a year after my sister and I had. And I know this isn't pertinent information for everyone else, but I thought that she was really beautiful. She had long, silky black hair, usually tied back in a ponytail, and soft brown eyes. Her skin was pale and soft- looking and was accented by the clothes she wore; a pink, cherry blossom print kimono styled shirt with a white obi, black shorts, fishnet tights, and boots. She was staring down at me disapprovingly with her hands on her hips. Seeing this made me wonder what I did wrong this time.

Sora, however, was grinning at me with his usual megawatt grin, causing me to smile a little. You couldn't help but smile when you're around him. Also, at the risk of sounding somewhat attracted to my best friend, he was kinda cute. He had spiky, chestnut hair and sky blue eyes. His skin was sun-kissed, seeing as he like to be outside when he took his naps, and he wore his usual attire; a red and black short sleeved hoodie with a red V- tank top underneath, baggy, black pants with two belts that crossed in the front and in the back, a black choker around his neck, and red sneakers.

"We can always find you here, can't we?" He asked teasingly, offering his hand to help me up. I grinned and took it, allowing him to pull me to my feet.

"What can I say?" I said, straightening my own clothes- a white sleeveless zip-up vest with a ten on the right side and on the back, a green, skin-tight, turtleneck, sleeveless shirt that stopped just above my navel, black pants with a belt that hung off my left hip, and black combat boots- and grinning. "I'm predictable like that."

Sora laughed while Julie rolled her eyes but smiled just the same. They were used to my antics and I, theirs. I mean they've both known me since I was little, I like to think that they know me by now.

"Bree's looking for you," Julie stated, folding her arms across her chest. "She said if you make training start late again, she's taking the twenty laps around the gym out of your hyde."

I flinched. Twenty laps for being late? That means-

"Terra's training the four of us today?" I asked, looking at Sora for confirmation. The tired look that replaced his grin was all the answer I needed. I swore and dragged my right hand down my face.

Terra Rockford was five years older than me and Sora, so nineteen. He was a strong, muscular man with brown hair that went down to his shoulders, blue eyes, and a stern disposition. Despite that, he was a good guy, always taking care of the younger kids and teaching them how to fight. He was also one of the few who could wield a Keyblade.

A Keyblade is a special weapon shaped like a giant key- hence the name- that supposedly can open any lock, unlock doors to different worlds, and (depending on who's wielding it) can restore hearts from darkness. There used to be so many who could wield one, but the number of Keyblade users on the Light side had dwindled over the years. Terra, Sora, his brother Roxas, and their cousin Ventus can all wield one. Only Terra and Ventus were Masters but only became Masters recently. We used to have two others but...not anymore....

Shaking my head of that sad thought, I sighed and said, "Alright, Sora and I'll get going. What time is it?"

Without waiting for an answer, I glance at the black and green watch on my left wrist- and my eyes nearly bulge out of my skull. It was ten minutes to three, almost time for us to be there! And the training gym was on the other side of the compound!

"If you guys know where I hang, why did it take you so long to find me?! C'mon Sora!" I grabbed Sora's wrist- gently, I wanted him to hurry not be hurt- and pulled him from the Auditorium and together we booked it towards the gym.

The problem was that the Light Compound was huge. Basically, the Compound was an underground city: tunnels that stretched for miles, some leading to important parts of the Compound used by Light soldiers, scientists, and leaders, such as the training gym, the armory, the meeting hall, the top secret labs, and barracks for soldiers. There are many more but it would take forever to list them.

There were also "rooms" for civilians. Stores for clothes and food, a trading market, a woodshop, a blacksmith, a school for us kids, small restaurants, and homes for civilians. There was even little play areas for kids, a night bar for the adults, a museum, a library, and a small movie theater. The only thing that was above ground were the green houses, fruit trees, and gardens. People tended to them regularly.

The gym where Sora and I train and the Auditorium were on opposite sides of the Compound. It usually took a grand total of thirty minutes to get from the Auditorium to the gym, twenty if you're fast enough. Either way, Sora and I were gonna be late. Unless....

I looked over at Sora with a sly smirk as we ran. "How about we...speed things up a bit, hm?"

Sora grinned back at me, his eyes sparkling in excitement. "I like the way you think!"

We looked away from each other and began to focus on our energy, channeling it from our hearts, through our legs, and to our feet. Once it was all there, our eyes flashed and we shouted in unison, "Accelerate!"

We sped down the halls as our legs moved superhumanly fast. To the people we passed, we must have looked like nothing but blurs.

(TBC)

[nobodies-png]

Sora and Reader, who is a really good friend/sibling figure, start a gaming channel together. What types of games does Sora enjoy playing the most, both in terms of genre and gameplay? And, who of the Guardians are their most avid viewers, and which of them are the most likely to be guests on their show?

oh I love me some youtube aus, I got carried away and sneaked in some modern AU too lol

Sora : 

Okay, for real though - Sora just likes videogames in general, so he’s up for trying and playing pretty much anything you suggest - from WiiFit to a hack and slash game to dumb simulators to Death Stranding and everything in between. He is, however, the biggest FF fan around and has a let’s play for every single game of the saga - Sora’s even managed to drag you into it ! A Square Enix and Nintendo fan, but mostly because he grew up with their games (like pretty much everyone at this point). 

But also, Sora ADORES text adventures and visual novels, the “choose your own adventure” kind of apps like Fallen Hero:Rebirth or The Arcana - but they really don’t work well in a gaming channel cause it’s exclusively reading, so he simply talks about them in his twitter or insta stories at 4 am.

As his request, you two have begun to make extra videos talking about theories or your opinions and critiques for the games you two finish together. Sora might be known as a cheerful airhead who tries to be positive most of the time, but he’s RUTHLESS when it comes to rating games, specially those from popular companies. Like, the guy really loves games and he really wishes everyone would put passion and effort into them instead of shitting out game after game after game, at the expense of quality. Yes Pokemon, Sora is looking RIGHT at you. 

Sora also likes promoting indie games and giving shoutouts to small companies ! Temtem, Boyfriend Dungeon, Pyre, Sayonara Wild Hearts . . . But he ALSO loves picking out the weirdest most obscure shit out there and make you play without explaining a thing. These videos are usually the ones with the most views, specially if we’re talking about scary games. There’s a THOUSAND clips and compilations out there of you two shitting your pants or crying/tearing up because of sad game endings.

You guys are the kind of channel who started for fun and as a hobby, but over the years got increasingly more and more popular - so now you two get invited to cool gaming events. The channel is also kinda old, so you’ve been through pretty much everything. Yes, people have tried stalking you two, made AMVs with Cascada songs about you two, there have been ship wars, conspiracy theories and all the weird shit Youtube can offer.

Kairi and Riku are popular and regular guests, viewers are always begging for you and Sora to let those two become permanent additions to the channel or even have their own little thing - but Kairi isn’t that interested in being known as a gaming youtuber and Riku is happy with showing up every once in a while and help you guys editing videos if needed. 

Roxas is also known as the channel’s personal cryptid because the camera recorded him passing behind you two on his way to the kitchen, only to come back with 4 sea salt ice creams in his mouth and 4 more on EACH of his hands. Sora insists on explaining that was his brother, but you like to keep the myth alive by saying that Sora is an only child. 

To add more fuel to the fire, people have stopped said cryptid on the street only to find out that they’re talking to Ventus instead of Roxas - so everyone is VERY confused and it’s the funniest shit. But not as funny as the time you guys got Vanitas to replace Sora for a few weeks when he got sick. 

Xion and Axel watch your videos often - but neither of them are regular guests like Riku or Kairi. Xion prefers to stay anonymous and off the grid, but Axel LOVES to show up during your livestreams and hog the spotlight for a bit. Namine on the other hand does the art for your thumbnails, sometimes she might have your videos as background noise while she works. 

Aqua is aware of what you guys do and even if she doesn’t watch your videos, she still supports you. Terra on the other hand has no fucking clue what’s going on and freaked out when he saw a clip of you and Sora crying at the end of Valiant Hearts around on some Top 10 WatchMojo video.

[marshmallowgoop]

Doing yearly writing reviews isn’t really a thing. But once you start doing ‘em, it doesn’t feel right to stop, you know?

Seeing progress in other arts is of course a lot easier than seeing progress in writing, but I think there is some forward movement for me, especially when I also consider my compilations from 2017 and 2018.

In regards to 2019, I’ve selected various kinds of writing for this post: analytical essays, opinion pieces, news articles, creative fiction, and maybe some works that can’t be categorized so easily, too. It was a very difficult year on many fronts; I dealt with job struggles, financial insecurity, destroyed relationships, medical hardships, seemingly endless cyberstalking and online harassment. 

But there were good things, too. New friendships. New passions. New outlooks. I feel like I’ve learned and grown a lot more in these past couple of months than I have in a long, long time.

The end of 2019 is more than just the end of one year. It’s also the end of a decade. But I think the best advice I’ve received all decade comes from this year:

✄ Sometimes, you have to say yes to saying no.

✄ If you can’t do something well, do something poorly!

✄ The best option may be to simply not engage.

✄ You don’t have to apologize for disappointing others.

✄ Your worth isn’t measured by how much you “accomplish.”

✄ You have rights: the right to have your needs and wants respected, the right to make mistakes, the right to determine your own priorities, the right to not be responsible for the actions or problems of others, the right to express yourself, the right to be human. It’s not selfish or narcissistic to stand up for your rights.

And, since it is the end of the decade and all, here’s also a comparison between one nerdy fandom essay from August 2010 and another from August 2019:

2010 (with added spaces because yes, this really was just a huge block of text originally):

Also, in my own opinion, nobody really gave a damn for Xion all that much save for Roxas. I mean, yeah, Axel cared a little, but in the end, he got totally mad at her, got mad any time she was mentioned, got mad whenever Roxas worried about her, got mad when she showed up at the clock tower. She was his friend, yeah, and he didn’t want her to go, but in the end, he would have chosen Roxas above her anytime.

The other “mean villains” didn’t really care. Luxord didn’t care, Demyx didn’t care, Xaldin got exasperated once at her, but overall didn’t care, Xigbar didn’t care, Xemnas outright said he didn’t care, Saix was rather cruel to her, but really, in the end, he didn’t give a damn for her. The others weren’t around long enough to have an impression on her. I think even Riku didn’t really care all that much for her, in all honesty. He just wanted his best friend back.  

Also, you have to keep in mind that we played the game through Roxas’ perspective, and it’s in my personal belief that he fell in love with Xion. And if you’re in love with someone, when she gets into a coma, or goes missing, or ignores you, you’re gonna be upset, and talk about it. So Roxas did. 

But you know, he doesn’t actually do a lot of it until the end of the game. Before that, it’s all about the THREE of them. He loves his friends (even if he doesn’t know it), and he wants them to be together forever, but when Xion goes missing or whatnot and they can’t ALL have ice cream together, he gets upset.

2019: 

I’ve written more on the subject here, but to keep it short, Ryuko only tries to take Nui’s life when she’s convinced herself that she’s a monster, and her development is less about her becoming less okay with killing people and more about how she won’t let her anger and rage control her. What makes Ryuko’s attitude so different in the end isn’t that she’s reconsidered her thoughts on murder but that she’s composed. Come episode 22, Ryuko ain’t saying that she’s gonna kill anyone to sound tough or to intimidate. She keeps her cool even against her worst enemies.

But that’s just what I think! Maybe I’ve interpreted the character all wrong. But Ryuko’s freak-out after she goes berserk and hurts others in episode 12, her devotion to defending even people she’s just met… I just struggle to see her as someone who’s actually a-okay with killing. The fact that Ryuko’s perfect fantasy in episode 20 depicts her as a sweet girl without any of the violent tendencies that she has in reality also points this way; not to mention, Ryuko outright admits that her picking fights and causing trouble are bad things when remarking on her childhood in episode 8.

And Ryuko? She doesn’t want to be bad. All the poor girl’s ever wanted is love, and I can’t imagine she’d ever think that getting angry and killing people would get her a lot of that.

Progress may be slow, but it does happen.

At least, I think so.

Image Texts

January 2019

And personally? I find that sweetness just absolutely, utterly charming. When I understood what the rap was trying to communicate, I couldn’t imagine listening to the song without it. Heck, even before I understood, I found the “without rap” edits empty and barren. No matter how “silly” the lyrics might come off, the unabashed cheese is fantastic. The rap section that I was once “meh” about legitimately became my favorite part of the song.

Plus, I really can’t stress enough how sad the song is when it’s purely Ryuko. The official [nZk] remix replaces Senketsu’s rap with a reprise of Ryuko’s first verse, which recounts how she and Senketsu met. And it’s tragic! She says, “But I’m all alone,” and she is. Senketsu isn’t singing with her, no matter her claim that she can hear his voice. Considering what happens to Senketsu in the end, his absence in the song hits even harder.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/182361051017/oomoj-marshmallowgoop-the-rap-is-good

February 2019

The focus then shifts away from Ragyo, but Kill la Kill ain’t at all done with building the audience up yet. As the scene moves to the following day, viewers are met with quick, close-up shots of Uzu’s note to Ryuko, timed right to the beat of “Blumenkranz.” Uzu wants to duel, and we soon get to see his full request in an engaging low-angle shot where Ryuko looks up to this sign looming over her. The weight and gravity of the situation is effectively conveyed: the smooth transition from Ragyo to here, as well as the music and shot composition, let us know in no indirect terms that this fight isn’t something to be brushed off. Uzu’s duel is a big deal, and it’s very much connected to Ragyo’s expansive empire.

And the tension just keeps growing. Ryuko’s reaction to Uzu’s note is presented with a dramatic canted, high-angle shot. The camera—which is just slightly tilted—peers down at both Ryuko and the sign, communicating a sense of danger and unease. Viewers already know that the upcoming battle is important, but here, we also understand that it’s not going to be easy.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/182841724817/all-the-discussion-around-episode-6-of-kill-la

March 2019

Kill la Kill the Game: IF is currently being featured at the 2019 Game Developers Conference that runs until March 22nd in San Francisco, and a flurry of new gameplay videos are now available for viewing. Notably, these videos feature full English subtitles for the character dialogue for the first time since EVO 2018 last year and never-before-seen stages, such as what seems to be the Fiber Castle in the Kiryuin Manor.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/183766224117/kill-la-kill-the-game-if-gameplay-footage-from

April 2019

I mean, Kill la Kill ended over five years ago now. There’s been fairly minimal new content ever since—an OVA in September of 2014, a few pieces of merchandise here and there, a small crossover with Grand Summoners last year. And then, not even 11 months ago, out of seemingly nowhere, there was confirmation for a full-blown Kill la Kill video game. That we now know will be released in just 14 weeks!

Lots of jokes were made about the announcement for a game so many years after the series finale, but, like, seriously, as a longtime Kill la Kill fan, it’s hard to wrap my head around. Ever since the show ended, I’ve dedicated over half a million words to writing about it, spent tens of thousands of yen on books and Blu-rays and CDs, devoted nearly 60 GB to my own GIFs and edits. I’ve loved this thing to death. I’ve always found more and more that I want to write and create from this series, but I never really imagined nor expected that we’d ever get much more official content from the original creators themselves. And now we are getting so much more, and???

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/184228103137/kill-la-kill-the-game-if-releases-on-july-25th-in

May 2019

Kiznaiver: Oh, I was so excited to love this show! I was lucky enough to see an advanced screening of the first two episodes, and I was totally hooked. It was drop-dead gorgeous—and probably the prettiest series Trigger has ever put out—and I was very intrigued by the plot and characters. I remember just coming back to my hotel room at like 3:00 am after the premiere, utterly filled with excitement. I mean, Kiznaiver  was directed by Hiroshi Kobayashi, the episode director behind the two episodes that got me hooked on Kill la Kill (episodes 5 and 18)!

But… my excitement quickly died. The story tried to develop way too many characters in way too little time, and I never enjoyed the romantic pairing of Katsuhira and Noriko, finding it shallow, undeveloped, and nonsensical (in a bad way), which… kind of ruins a lot of the series when that’s arguably the heart of the whole thing.

Kiznaiver is still super, super pretty, though. That last episode’s animation got me shook.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/184700944732/so-have-you-watched-the-other-stuff-studio-trigger

June 2019

I do recognize that many, many matters do not warrant conversation. I do recognize that the phrase “I’m just trying to have a conversation” can be—and has been—utilized as a means of directing criticism away from inflammatory, unacceptable, inhumane remarks. I in no way feel that hateful, discriminatory comments should be promoted.

Simultaneously, however, “conversation” should not automatically be a dirty word in the field of analyzing and seriously engaging with fiction, and thoughtful reactions should be supported and striven for. Nothing in fiction is ever black and white. There are so many nuances and complexities to the storybook realities of our media. I want commentators and critics of fiction to be passionate about listening, considering, and rethinking those nuances and complexities. Isn’t that why we do this work at all? To share our own point of view and open ourselves up to others?

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/185289615202/we-need-to-change-the-way-we-seriously-discuss

July 2019

Initially, I was really bummed by this lack of development. But as I thought about things more, I… didn’t mind so much. If this dream or universe or whatever is something that Satsuki “experiences” before the events of the anime, of course she won’t grow as a character here. Maybe this game is kind of the Kill la Kill prequel I’ve been begging for for over half a decade.

And as much as I didn’t get anything, I thought the ending bits between Ryuko and Satsuki were so good.

Like, I suppose Ryuko’s absorbing the Life Fibers or something?? But wow, pretty.

And the part where they talk before Satsuki disappears? That’s my kinda anime bullshit. It’s the kinda anime bullshit I wanted from the OVA between Ryuko and Senketsu.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/186648065467/goop-plays-kill-la-kill-the-game-if-satsuki

August 2019

That book, Log. 2, is a fan doujin from Kotaro Nakamori, who worked as an animator and animation director in Kill la Kill. There’s a bunch of assorted fanart in there, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Nakamori is a fan of Urusei Yatsura and wanted to make a little crossover between that series and Kill la Kill.

Personally, though, as someone not too familiar with Urusei Yatsura, I kinda just saw the image as oni-Satsuki (with oni being demon/ogre-like creatures in Japanese folklore). Oni are traditionally depicted wearing tiger skin loincloths, and Lum herself is definitely basically a space oni. So, I saw the cover and got super excited about oni-Satsuki because I love oni a lot, haha.

Fun fact: character designer Sushio has also drawn Kill la Kill characters as oni for setsubun, a celebration that’s held on the last day of winter (February 3rd). During setsubun, you might see folks dressed up like oni—who get beans thrown at them in an effort to bring in good luck and chase naughty demons away.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/187228888187/do-i-see-satsuki-wearing-lums-outfit-in-your-last

September 2019

Though I don’t see it much anymore, I remember lots of comparisons between Ragyo and the villains of Saturday morning cartoons back in the day. She was described as a generic, two-dimensional “evilz for the sake of evilz” baddie and criticized for her simplicity.

And though I did admittedly agree to an extent—I craved a lot more depth and insight, particularly in regards to her haunting line about “still having something of a human heart” whilst brutally attacking her own daughter in the final episode—I also found Ragyo to be a remarkably compelling, powerful, and horrifying villain even without tons of backstory and explanation. Perhaps my write-up on her first scene in episode 6 best details why; this woman has such a presence, and the visual language of the series amplifies that presence spectacularly. Ragyo’s intimidating and scary without the audience even needing to know anything about her.

And… I’d say that’s a good villain. That’s exactly what a villain should do.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/187987858537/on-ragyo-kiryuin

October 2019

And, though there are no visuals, so I can’t be sure if it’s an “Ocean of Light” or not, the fourth Drama CD also has the same kinda deal happening. In the CD—which takes place immediately after Ryuko learns the truth of her origins—Ryuko’s pain manifests as an explosion of light that knocks both her and Senketsu unconscious and pushes Senketsu away from her. The sound effect here is familiar, and I’m personally convinced that this is another “Ocean of Light” moment.

Which brings me to the “light” part of the terminology. Light is often associated with good, yes, but light is also associated with heat, and heat is associated with pain. In the Drama CD, Ryuko’s light is so hot that Nui even remarks that Senketsu “almost burned” from it, and when Mako embraces Ryuko after swimming through her “Ocean of Light” in episode 12, Ryuko’s touch scorches Mako’s skin.

I’ve already written an essay on the symbolic and narrative use of fire, warmth, and heat in Kill la Kill (that you should totally read because it’s actually maybe Kinda Good, Maybe), and relating to that, I see the “Ocean of Light” as a physical representation of Ryuko’s fiery spirit. That fire can be used for good, and that fire can also be painful, but no matter what, that fire is a part of Ryuko.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/188247077227/i-always-wanted-some-explanation-you-are-smart

November 2019

She looks around her cottage. Her eyes find the walls and the furnishings. Her eyes find the scratched floors and stained wood. She does not voice it to the once-emperor, but she had never been able to remove the stains from the attack. Her son's blood has painted the brown wood red. It is a reminder of what she cannot remember. It is a reminder of the past she has forgotten.  

“This home feels so desperately lonely,” she admits. “I do not know who is missing. But it is not complete.”  

The man is quiet. He did not expect to find himself feeling sympathy for the woman's plight. Perhaps she is a fool, to have given her heart to a demon. But kindness ought not be punished, he thinks. Or has he grown so cold that he believes it should be?  

December 2019

🏀 Michiru and Shirou’s relationship may be the focus, but Nakashima emphasizes that Michiru’s relationship with Nazuna is also involved in the story in a big way.

🏀 Nakashima stresses the importance of depicting teen girls realistically. Two women screenwriters are on board: Kimiko Ueno and Nanami Higuchi. Both wrote for Little Witch Academia. Ueno also wrote for Space Patrol Luluco, and Higuchi was behind the production reports in Trigger Magazine (and, interestingly, wrote the script for the anime adaptation of BEASTARS).

🏀In regards to Michiru and Nazuna’s relationship, producer Naoko Tsutsumi (also an animation producer for Kiznaiver and Little Witch Academia) provides input as well. Nakashima says that they greatly value and take to heart the opinions of the women creators.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/189928986922/otomedia-winter-2020-bna-brand-new-animal

[kumeko]

Title: September Beaches

A/N: For the Xion zine! I couldn’t resist writing the Sea Salt trio for this. Or the Star Wars reference, because that is the only sane response to sand when you’re an adult.

…

…

…

…

“Guys.” Biting her lip nervously, Xion pulled her hoodie tighter around her head. She glanced furtively around before scrambling down the sidewalk after her best friends. “This is a bad idea. We should go to school.”

 “It’ll be fine, Xion!” Roxas smiled at her reassuringly. Which it could have been, if it weren’t for the backpack hanging off his shoulder. It felt like a siren, a bright red target telling every adult they crossed ‘hey, I’m skipping,’ and Xion wanted nothing more than to toss it into the bushes. “Axel does this, like, all the time.”

 “You know I go to school too, right?” Axel frowned, digging his hands in his pockets. He slouched slightly as he walked, folding up his lanky frame.  Not that it made much of a difference—with the three of them walking in a row, he was still the tallest thing around. Add in how short she and Roxas were and Axel was practically a giant. “I only do this sometimes.”

Technically, he was right—if he didn’t go to school at all, they’d never have met. Yet, every part of Axel screamed delinquent—from his dyed red hair to his eye tattoos to the fact that he walked like he owned the street. Even now he was very relaxed, not caring about the looks he got or the fact that he was drawing attention. Xion gave him a dry look. “Sure.”

 “Not you too!” Axel grumbled, his brow furrowed. Noticing her hoodie, he flicked it off. “The more you try to hide, the more suspicious you look.”

 “Hey!” Xion flushed a bright red. Looking around to make sure no one noticed, she quickly burrowed back into her hoodie. “What if someone notices us?”

 He gave her a blank stare before pushing her hoodie off again. “Seriously, they’re gonna notice you more with that. What are you, a mugger?”

 A fair point. Xion resisted the urge to hide her face again. Nervously, she tucked a lock behind her ear, feeling overly exposed as they strolled down the along the shop fronts. The few adults who were wandering around didn’t give them a second glance but she could still feel their eyes on her back as they walked.

 “And you’re sure you don’t do this every day?” Roxas pulled off his own hat, revealing a shock of blonde hair. “So, uh, why are we going to the beach?”

 “It’s a weekday. No one’s going to be there.” Axel shrugged, lacing his arms behind his head. Just ahead of them, at the end of the street, endless water lapped against a sandy shore. A sharp, clear smell flooded their senses. “Best time to go the beach.”

 “Yes. But.” Xion glanced at Axel, not sure if this really needed saying. “It’s September.”

 “And?” Axel raised a brow. He gestured at the empty parking lots ahead. “That actually makes it better—no one’s here.”

 “Except for the crazies,” Roxas chimed in. As the beach got closer and closer, he ran toward the water. Excitement coloured his voice. “AND US!”

 “Is he calling us crazy?” Axel asked. Despite his annoyed tone, his pace quickened as well.

 Xion shivered as the cool breeze blew off the lake and hit her bare legs. It was so easy for them to act like that—they were wearing pants. She had a skirt. Tugging the hem down, she tried futilely to cover more of her thighs but goosebumps covered her skin nonetheless. “I should have worn my tights.”

 Neither of her friends heard her. Already they were far ahead, walking on the sand. Roxas ran down to the water, hopping along the edge where the water lapped shore. “Do you think it’s cold?”

 “Probably.” Axel sank in the sand unevenly as he walked. “It was cold this summer.”

 “It might not be.” Standing at the border between the sand and the pavement, Xion squinted at the sand. The only truth in life: the near impossibility of removing sand from anything. “The water’s warmest now.”

 “Really?” Roxas stared at her hopefully. He crouched in front of the water, his hand just above the receding tide.

 “Yeah.” Biting the bullet, she slipped off her socks and shoes. It’d be easier to wash her feet than her shoes. “It absorbed heat all summer.”

 “Someone’s paying attention in class.” Axel smirked, more playful than insulting.

 Xion snorted. “Someone has to. You don’t go to school.”

 “Hey, I said I don’t skip everyday!”

 “Sure you don’t.” Roxas grinned, joining in on the teasing. Considering the more mature vibe Axel gave off, it was almost impossible to get one over him. They’d milk this for all it’s worth.

 “Yeah, yeah. At least I don’t act like I murdered someone when I’m just skipping.” Axel picked up Roxas’s abandoned backpack, dusting off a side. Setting it down just above the waterline, Axel lay down on the soft sand and used it as a pillow.

 “Huh?” Surprised, Roxas’s hand slipped into the water and he stiffened for a moment. “Huh. It isn’t cold.” He stared at it for a moment before remembering Axel. Jumping to his feet, he marched over to his friend. “Hey! That’s my backpack.”

 “Finders keepers,” Axel murmured, his eyes closed.

 Xion daintily stepped onto the sand, her feet sinking in slightly as she walked over to them. She wriggled her toes in the soft substance. It wasn’t as hot as she expected it to be, and she felt a pang of sadness; summer really was over. Standing on Axel’s other side, she rested a hand on her hip. “Did you skip school just to sleep?”

 He cracked an eye open. “If I say yes, will you two leave?”

 “Wait, is this what you do every time you skip? You sleep?” Roxas crossed his arms and tapped his foot on the sand quickly. “Seriously?”

 “Not every time.” Axel closed his eyes again, yawning. “Just sometimes.”

 “That’s kinda sad.” Or pathetic, but she really didn’t want to say that one. Still, while he could take naps every other time he skipped, Axel wasn’t allowed to do it this time. He’d convinced her and Roxas to skip school. She had lied to a teacher, pretending to be Roxas’s mom. Xion kicked Axel lightly in the leg. “Get up.”

 Axel swatted her foot away. “Give me an hour.”

 “No.” Roxas crouched down next to Axel, an evil smile on his face. Holding up a fistful of sand, he started to dribble it on Axel’s pants. “If you don’t get up, I’m burying you.”

 This woke him up quickly. Axel’s eyes sprang open. “You wouldn’t.”

 “We would.” Xion grinned just as evilly, crouching on his other side. She had two scoops of sand and she stared pointedly at his hair. “Wonder how long it’ll take to wash out of that.”

 “Okay, okay, I got it.” He held up his hands. “What are you two, gremlins?”

 “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Roxas stared at the hand shaking in front of him. “What are you trying to do? Be a zombie?”

 “Help me up,” Axel stated flatly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 “You can do that yourself.” Nevertheless, Xion stood up, grabbing Axel’s right hand with her free one. “Ready Roxas?”

 Roxas stared up at her for a few seconds before giving up with a pout. “What a baby.” He clasped Axel’s left hand, bracing himself. “Three, two—”

 “One!” Axel shouted, yanking them back.

 Xion yelped, her shoes sent flying through the air. For a brief moment, she watched it arc over her in slow-motion before she hit the ground hard. The sand wasn’t quite as soft when she fell on it and she groaned as she rolled side to side, cradling her head.

 “Axel…” Roxas forced out, his voice strained. “I’m going to…kill you.”

 “Not if I…” Xion managed, pain filtering in her voice. “To kill him first.”

 “Sorry, sorry, didn’t think it’d hurt that much.” Axel patted their heads lightly. That hurt even more and Xion rolled away.

 She could just feel the grainy sand in her shirt, burrowing into her hoodie. It was going to be weeks before she lost that sensation. Months if she was unlucky. She glared at Axel. “You.”

 “Me.” Axel rubbed his neck awkwardly, looking at his other side where Roxas was slowly crawling toward him. “Right. You know what, I’m going to get a popsicle for us. Sea salt good?” He didn’t even wait for a response before jumping to his feet. “You just wait there.”

 “Axel!” Xion growled, swiping at him, but it was too late. For a man too lazy to participate in gym class, he sure could sprint when he wanted to. Already he was at the pavement, quickly walking to the closest ice-cream shop.

 “Coward.” With a wince, Roxas sat up. He shook his head, spraying sand around, before running his hands through his hair. “It’s never going to leave.”

 “Nope.” Suddenly, Xion felt a kinship to Anakin Skywalker. She sat up, brushing as much off her sweatshirt as she could. “He did not think that through.”

 Roxas nodded grimly. “Nope. Not at all.”

 With a sigh, Xion stared at the lake in front of her. The slightly murky water as it lapped the beach. It was a pretty enough beach. Seagulls cried around her, entire flocks slowly walking across the sand as they looked for stray scraps leftover from the summer fun. There was a couple in the distance, slowly walking along the shoreline. “It’s kinda pretty. I guess.”

 “Yeah. If it weren’t chilly and everything, I’d like it.” Roxas spat out some sand with a grimace. “Even with the sand.”

 “I guess he’s right. It’s good to take a break like this.” Xion leaned back, enjoying the wind as it played with her bangs. “Every now and then.”

 “Me too—just…don’t tell him that.” When Xion glanced at him questioningly, Roxas shuddered. “Just think how big his head’ll get.”

 “Ginormous.” Xion giggled and nodded in agreement. The last thing she wanted was for him to make this a normal thing. It was fun only once in a while. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath of the chilly air.

 She could really go for some sea salt ice cream.