#but Danny Fenton absolutely pays taxes

[deadsetobsessions]

Sea Cryptic! Danny AU- Pt.3

[Pt.1] [Pt.2] [Pt.4][Pt.5][Pt.6][Pt.7]

“Aquaman.” Batman swept into the room, beelining straight for the suddenly apprehensive Atlantean king.

“Batman. What can I do for you?”

“Phantom. Does he pay taxes?”

“Pardon?”

Batman makes a low noise that had Aquaman’s danger senses buzzing.

“Does Phantom have to pay taxes. Towards Atlantis.”

“No…? Why?”

“He wanted money, in exchange for… information, of a delicate sort,” Batman said, diplomatically avoiding the topic of Phantom bargaining for the identities of corpses in exchange for a measly $100 dollars per identity. Like a flea market dealer, that one was.

“You encountered Phantom again?” Aquaman perked up.

“Yes. Gotham’s bay is… polluted.” Batman paused. “With victims. Of murder.”

The entire area quieted as heads turned towards the Dark Knight.

“Yes, I am… distantly aware of Gotham’s waters.” By that, Aquaman gets green around the gills whenever he turns his awareness in that direction. There’s a reason he doesn’t enter Gotham, and the Dark Knight’s ban is only half of that reason. “Ah, but you’re correct. For what purpose would Phantom need mortal currency?”

“Hn.”

“Maybe he needs some stuff?” Flash zipped to a stop next to Batman, feet tapping as he dug into the pile of snacks cradled in his arms. “Us mortals are always coming up with new things, maybe he wants to try some games or something?”

Batman tilted his head down, seriously considering Flash’s suggestion. “It’s plausible.”

“Barry, Barry, Barry. He’s old as hell, right? He probably wants to try the new booze!”

“Hal, my man!” Flash fist bumped Green Lantern, who came up. “You’re back! What happened to John?”

“Dunno. He got called somewhere that way,” Green Lantern waved a vague hand towards the left. “Had to deal with a politician or something from that area.” He shrugged, swinging an arm over Barry’s shoulders to put him in a headlock and stealing a chip.

“Huh. Anyways, would our mortal alcohol even work on a demi-god or something?”

“We should ask!” Hal turned towards Batman. “You should ask if he wants to go for a drink, spooky!”

“He’s a child.”

“He’s been around for more than a millennia, Bats.”

“Informational gathering, right, Hal?” Flashgot out of the headlock, quickly munching on his snacks to stop Green Lantern from stealing them.

“Totally. Yup.”

“…Fine.”

“Wait, are we just gonna ignore that Gotham’s waters are full of bodies?”

“Yes.”

——

“What?” Danny asked, mind half on the bags he’s dragging out of the water and the other half on the essay he has to submit in about four hours.

“Green Lantern wanted to invite you out for a drink.”

Danny turned to the stoic Gotham knight, who had his wrist computer out to log the bodies’ info the moment Danny gave him the information. Some of them even told Danny who murdered them, so Batman could start building cases with solid leads.

Danny’s only twenty. He’s not legal yet but he doesn’t want to give any clues to who he is. How is he supposed to…

Ah!

“Can’t.” Danny shrugged. “I’m not legal. I died when I was fourteen so…” Danny trailed off, speechless at the drowned puppy face Batman was giving him. What the fuck.

“Anyways, fork over my payment.”

Batman wordlessly hands him a wad of hundreds.

“What do you need cash for?” Batman suddenly asked.

“Huh? Isn’t it obvious?” Danny tucked it in. “Material things, obviously. I need a blanket,” because holy shit, Gotham is damn cold this time of year. “Anyways, see you same time next week, litterer.”

“I don’t litter.”

“Tell that to the batarangs I found under the water,” Danny grumbled. “But I’ll stop calling you that if you get a signature from Poison Ivy. I have a friend who loves her.”

“An alive friend?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy?”

Danny snickered and disappeared. He’s gotta cram that essay.

——

“There’s a possibility Phantom might be homeless.”

“Batman, I mean this in the nicest way, but for the love of Atlantis, please stop giving me headaches. It’s time like these I wish I stayed a lighthouse keeper.”

[phanboyo]

hey rant about ghost money

Listen. WHAT THE HECK IS GHOST MONEY??? IS IT JUST REGULAR MONEY BUT IT FLOATS OR SOMETHING??? The whole ghost zone is made of different realms and islands and stuff, so does each realm have a different kind of currency? I mean probably considering the other option would be that the whole ghost zone has one currency which means that the whole ghost zone is governed by one large body who regulates currency. Who does that?? Are you telling me there's some head of the ghost treasury who regulates this stuff even though Pariah Dark (presumed "leader of the ghost zone") is (for all intents and purposes) dead/gone?! Who??? Who decides to spend his afterlife running the ghost treasury with no king??? Alexander Hamilton?? Is Walker involved in the enforcement of this singular currency? I thought his laws were made up! What is the truth?!

But if every realm has its own currency, how obnoxious is it to exchange currency when you go from Dora's to the Far Frozen? How do they even keep up with exchange rates? What do the ghost bankers do with the foreign currency? What does it represent? Ghost gold? Ghost silver? Ectoranium? Why would any of these metals (is ectoranium a metal? It's supposedly based on kryptonite, which is a metal, I think, even though Krypton which is a real element is actually a nonmetal? Who decided this?) have any value to ghosts? And what about places like Skulker's island? Does Skulker have his own currency? Is he just supposed to use the currency of the nearest realm? Does that mean he is governed by the local bodies of that realm?! But that defeats the purpose of having his own island!

Okay but like what do ghosts even do with ghost money??? They don't need food do they? I don't think they need money to get a lair (man imagine what a nightmare that would be. Real estate in the ghost zone? Are lairs next to the Fenton portal more expensive? Do you have to pay property taxes? How would that even work? Let's not think about it) either so what is it for? Trading luxury goods and services??? What's to stop your average ghost from going his whole afterlife without having or using a single ghost dime? Hopefully absolutely nothing because can you imagine dying and then having to spend your whole AFTERLIFE making money? Imagine being poor as a ghost. Spending all hours working a dead end job just to make ends meet. Now that's just mean. Is this what Hell is?

Okay but here's the thing, if the vast majority of ghosts don't need money to live comfortably then money has no value. What do you do if another ghost has something you want, but no amount of ghost money will sway him, cause to him it might as well be ghost paper? What if most ghosts are like this? Then money is useless.

And besides that, what would you do to earn money anyways? Sell guacamole ghost products? How are those products made anyway? They're just made out of ectoplasm, right? Right?! Please don't tell me there are ghost sheep that you have to shear to get your ghost wool to weave into ghost suits. What about products that require killing the animal, like leather? Can you kill a ghost and skin it? I mean I guess so cause that's what Skulker supposedly does, but what happens to ghosts when they die? Do they fizzle out into nothing? Is the Ghost Zone like some sort of weird purgatory and dead ghosts go to the "real" afterlife, whatever that means? How many afterlifes are there??? Anyway, I'd like to think that if there are any ghost shepherds they do it because it's their passion and not because they need to sell ghost sheep byproducts for a living (for a killing?). If everything's just made out of ectoplasm, and lairs are just made out of ectoplasm, and ghosts can form their lairs to look however they want, why would a ghost need to buy something from another ghost when he can just make it himself? Convenience? They're dead! They have a whole eternity to make it!

So ghost obsessions? That's what ghosts do in the afterlife right? So then what if your obession doesn't make a lot of money? We saw that one nightmare kid when Danny first went into the ghost zone who was just playing with his toys and scaring random passerby. Is he expected to earn ghost money? Are there child labor laws in a world where no one ages?

Okay, what about things like concerts? Surely one can't replicate an Ember concert without Ember, so that might be a paid even right? Sure, if we ignore the fact that it's her obession anyway, and that she loves riling up a crowd with her music anyway, and would do it without any useless money anyway.

So then what if a ghost has something that I'm just too lazy or too stupid to make myself. Gee, Ghost Writer, I sure would like to take a gander at your original poetry. Even though you'll probably let me have a copy once your get them printed just so that you can see your work read and enjoyed, let's pretend in this instance that that is not the case. Man, if only ghost money were worth something, I could pay you for it. THATS WHERE BARTER COMES IN, FOLKS! Hey Ghost Writer, if you give me your original poetry, I'll paint a unique portrait of you, so long as you see those two things being of equal value. BOOM GHOST MONEY PROBLEMS SOLVED.

So, if ghost money is just like, dead currencies, floating around the GZ like "oh look, there goes a 10 Kronen note" then sure, ghost money.

But the idea of like, actual ghost currency brings up a lot of questions about ghost economy and government. I will not sit here and debate about the entire infrastructure of a fictional society of beings whose biology and home is largely a mystery! It's impractical!

Still, I love the idea of Danny picking up some floating ghost money that only ghosts can touch while his parents just stare at him wondering how the heck he touched it.