#but I have to buy clothes because I’ve been putting it off for ages since I’ve put on weight

[chxrryrose]

i hate clothes shopping

[pearbunny]

the bucket list ✘ [six.5]

series masterlist | prev | next [ ❀ spotify playlist ]

summary: Fly to Korea. Check. Buy a bouquet of flowers for a stranger. Check. Have said stranger come along with you to accomplish your bucket list? Well that wasn’t on the list, but falling in love was. 

pairing: han jisung x afab!reader

genre: 18+ [MDNI] strangers to lovers, non idol au, crack, mostly fluff, later chapters to include: angst, comfort, smut.

general warnings:  tourist!mc, adult themes including but not limited to: suggestive content, nudity, cursing, alcohol consumption, mentions of death in later chapters, overarching theme of mental health, eventual smut.

word count: ~2.2k 

chapter content: lots of dialogue, “girl talk”/talking about sex, o/c calls her dad. 

author's note: SURPRISE (not really). This is chapter 6.5 and it’s only labeled that because no actual bucket list item will be completed, however I do drop the biggest hint that i’ve ever slipped into the previous chapters. If you’ve read a couple of the author’s notes; you’d know. ;) ANYWAY, on to the chapter! As always, thank you for showing interest in TBL!  

You got back to the hotel after your night drive with Jisung at about midnight. It was late and the both of you were hungry, so you ended up just getting some drive-thru fast food and eating it in his car before heading back. 

The moment you walked through the door, Jisung bee-lined over for the couch in the corner of the hotel room and plopped down, groaning loudly. 

You convinced him to go to sleep first, telling him you would probably be awake for awhile since you were able to get some rest in during the car ride over. He agreed with sleepy sentiments and quickly washed up and got in bed. He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Now, you were kneeled in front of your suitcase, grabbing some appropriate sleeping clothes and your toiletry bag for your skincare routine. 

A muted vibration sounds from your phone. You look around, trying to remember where you put it. You lift up the lid of your suitcase and snatch it off the floor. It was an incoming video call from your best friend, back home. ‘Robin’ it read, with a picture of a woman your age drinking straight from a mimosa pitcher.

You bring your phone, clothes, and toiletries to the bathroom, closing both the closet door and the bathroom door behind you to dampen the sound. “Hello?” You answer the video call with a whisper.

“Y/N!” Robin’’s high pitched voice echoes with the acoustics of the bathroom and you panic, propping the phone up against the mirror.

“Shhh, it’s like 2am here.”

“Oh, yeah, definitely middle of the day here, my bad. Where are you? You haven’t been answering my texts all day? Are you okay?” Robin is sitting on her laptop in a cafe with her oversized headphones on, the sun shining through the window to her left, casting a golden sheen on her skin. 

“I’m at a hotel.” You turn the faucet on very slightly so you can still hear her over the slow stream of running water. 

“Oh, did you ditch the roommate?” 

“No, I’m at the hotel… with him.” You put your hands under the tap to check the temperature, then bend forward to splash the water onto your face.

“Rewind.” Robin has a pen in her hand that she waves back and forth. 

You pump some cleanser into your hand, lather it with soap, then spread it onto your face. “We decided to do a little road trip to Busan. We’re staying at a hotel by the beach.” 

“In the same room?”

“In the same room.” You pick up your fancy electric face cleansing tool and gently glide it over your skin.

“In the same bed?”

“Well, he’s asleep right now… But yeah, same bed.” You glance towards the door where Jisung is surely asleep, probably even snoring.” I mean it wouldn't be the first time I guess.” You mumble the latter part of your sentence, hoping that Robin wouldn’t catch it.

“WHAT?!” People around Robin in the cafe look towards her sudden outburst.

“KEEP IT DOWN.” You whisper aggressively at her.

“You can’t just tell me you slept with a man and expect me to keep it down.” She mimics your tone, whispering although she has absolutely no need to in the noisy cafe.

“Okay, fair. You’re right; sorry.” You go back to cleansing your face, looking at your reflection in the mirror.

“So, spill.” Dramatically, Robin lifts her large coffee mug to her lips for a loud sip.

“Well, you know how I told you I was staying with Jisung.” You work the soap on your face into a bigger lather, inhaling the very mild herbal scent for your cleanser.

“M’hmmm, last name?” Robin pulls up her phone.

“Han.”

“Thanks.” She’s typing away on her phone, already trying to find him on Instagram. It doesn’t take too long, she just had to parse through all the other profiles that showed up before his. “He doesn’t post much, but he looks cute!”

“Anyway, I told you about how he’s willing to help me do stuff on the bucket list, well one of them was Sing Karaoke in front of people and … well he happens to be a bartender at this bar that was doing Norebang, so he took me to his work place.”

“You don’t even follow him on social media do you?” Robin looks at you through the phone with a deadpan expression.

“No, why?” You rinse the brush of your electric face scrubber and stand it on the sink counter to dry before pooling some of the water in the palm of your hands to wash your face from the soap.

“Why wasn’t that the first thing you looked up about this guy?” Robin clicks on a post on Jisung’s Instagram.

“Honestly… I don’t know.” Your eyes are shut as you blindly reach around for the face towel you remember being  neatly folded in the center of the counter.

“Well, one of the few pictures he has on Instagram is him bartending v it’s tagged at a place called ‘Loudmouth’, which I assume is his workplace. Y/N, you’re supposed to be the smart responsible one.”

“Yeah, well I think I left that part of me back home when I booked a ticket to Korea last second.” You pat yourself dry and place the face towel on the towel rack behind you. 

“Okay, we’re getting away from the good stuff.” Robin sets her phone aside and rests her hand on her chin, batting her eyes at you.

“So, we went to Loudmouth. His co-workers were really nice Minho and Changbin–” 

“Haha, Chang-bin and Ro-bin, I bet we’d be cute together.” 

You roll your eyes at her with a playful smile. "I was drinking because I needed the courage to sing. They all drank with me. I sang. They sent us home and gave him another week off. We went home, we drank more and then… You know.” 

“... Girl of course I know, but I want to know know.” It was Robin’s turn to roll her eyes, but of course, in classic Robin fashion, it had much more of a dramatic flare to it.

“Oh my god.” You cover your face with your hands, applying toner while doing so.

“Was it good?”

“Well, yea.” You gave a casual shrug, patting your toner in.

Robin holds up a not-so-menacing pen at you. “I swear to god, Y/N.” 

“I don’t know! What do you want me to say?!” You laugh quietly, holding your hands up in the air in shrug like gesture.

“Who initiated it?” Robin knew how this was going to work; she had to ask the questions.

“Me?”

“YOU DID?” This time, she whisper-shouted at you, not willing to be scolded by you again. Robin’s jaw drops in disbelief. Her little Y/N  made the first move?!

“Kind of? I mean, I did kiss him first.”

“Tell me more.” She leans forward in her seat again, eyes wide in anticipation.

“Okay, well he was super sweet. Like, too sweet. I kind of wished he just,” You raise your hands up to make sure your friend could see them. Then you dramatically grabbed at air, “You know what I mean?”

“Okay, but that’s cute still.” Robin gives you a smile, “He just wanted to make sure you were okay with it all, I mean the both of you were drunk after all.”

You start to apply your serum in your face, avoiding looking at your phone. “I mean we weren’t drunk enough that I forgot about it.” 

Robin squeals a little, “Okay, okay, back to me trying to get details out of you.” She does a little excited dance in her chair. “How big was he?”

You gawk at the crude question. You look up into the air and shift your weight onto one hip, pursing your lips together as you think of how to answer the question. “Well it was definitely knocking on my cervix.” 

Robin’s jaw dropped, but there was an animated expression on her face, “OKAY HAN JISU–”

You grab the phone, muffling the speaker. “Robbie!” You open the bathroom door that leads into the closet. The sound doesn’t echo like it does off the tile bathroom floors and walls. The carpet and wallpaper helps keep Robin’s voice from sounding so loud. That and you lowered the volume on the phone. You place the phone on the shelf, facing the ceiling and you change into a large tee shirt and some shorts. 

Robin’s attempt at hiding her giggles behind her hands over her mouth is futile. “So was it, like, vanilla?”

You tug the shirt over your head before grabbing the phone from the shelf and sitting in the corner of the closet, holding the phone in your hand. “Oh my god, Robbie. He did this thing,” You pause and lick the bottom of your lip and close your eyes, remembering the way Jisung cradled your jaw in his hand, “He made me look at him and–” You let a high pitched sound come from you as you slid down from the wall to lay with your back on the floor. 

Robin has her chin in her hands, observing you. “Hey, Y/N?”

You looked up at your phone that you held in the air above you. “Yea?”

“You look happy.” Robin’s voice is quiet, not to take away from how genuine she says those words. Tears prick at the corners of her eyes.

You give her a small smile and sit back up, nodding. “Yea. Or– or at least I’ve felt happy lately.” You shrink into yourself, slouching your shoulders as you lean back against the wall again. 

Robin continues on. “I’m glad you decided to go through with the list.”

“Take more risks. Be —a little— reckless… “ You absentmindedly play with your hair as you recall a specific item that seemed to be scribbled on the pages as an afterthought. 

A waiter passes by Robin and offers to take her cup, which she places on their tray. “For real, Y/N. I’m really relieved to see that you got on that plane. It sucked to see you in this monotonous routine. You barely ever wanted to come hang out with us and when you did I felt like you only came out because you felt like you couldn’t keep saying no.” You don’t have to look at Robin through the phone to know she was pouting, you could hear it in her voice. 

“I’m sorry,” You look at a loose thread in the carpet underneath you and start to pick at it. 

Robin shakes her head. “Don’t be. You were doing your best.” 

You nod and stay silent. 

“Anyway, how many more days do you have until you come back?”

You swipe down on your phone screen to check the time and date. “Like a week.”

Robin looks through her phone again, getting back on Instagram and scrolling through her feed. “Would it be so bad if you uploaded on Instagram? All our friends think something happened and I have to reassure them that you’re just in a completely different time zone.”

You chuckle while giving you a guilty nod. “I will, I will.” 

“Also, Y/N,” She looks at you seriously this time. 

“Call your dad. I know he doesn’t say or express it much, but he’s worried about you.” 

You grow quiet again, biting your inner cheek as the guilt grows. “Yeah, I know.” 

“Alright, well I have to get home, text me! Love you bye!”

“Bye, Robbie.” You end the video call with her. 

You look through your contacts and call up your dad. The phone rings three times before he answers. “Y/N?”

“Hey Dad,” Your voice is quiet, but being mindful of Jisung waking up isn’t the only reason for it. 

“Hey,” Your dad sighs on his end, relieved to hear your voice. “Are you okay over there? I can get on the next plane if I need to.”

You shake your head, even though he can’t see you. “I’m fine, I just wanted…” You thought over your next words. “I just wanted to let you know I think I’m going to be okay.” 

There’s silence between you two. A lot of things unsaid; things a bit too heavy to talk about at the moment. But the sentiment is still true; you’re going to be okay. 

“I know you are.” He smiles fondly, eyes soft and teary. 

“Anyway, it’s almost 3:30 in the morning here, Dad.”

“Okay, yea sorry. I’m glad to hear from you.”

“Good to hear your voice, too, Dad.”

“Hey, Peanut?” It had been awhile since you’ve heard that childhood nickname. 

“Yea?”

He pauses and you find yourself holding your breath. “She’d be proud of you, too.” 

A beep sounds off in your ear and it means he ended the call. You drop the phone into your lap and bring your knees to your chest, one arm grasping at your hair on the crown of your head. Your other hand covers your mouth, stifling your sobs as the tears fall from your tightly shut eyes. 

ending author's notes: Hope you enjoyed this one. More will be revealed in due time. I think I'll release the spotify playlist I've made for this soon. :) Reminder that the chapter 7 will not be until after September, possibly the second week. If you have any questions, concerns, or you just wanna talk about the chapter, my inbox is always always open! Small reminder that reblogs and comments are highly encouraged! taglist

@burningchaosdeer @bat-shark-repellant, @jisunglyricist, @captivq, @lixiel0ver, @channieandhisgoonsquad, @dalamjisung, @laylasbunbunny, @beanebabyy, @leyknowsbin, @vixensss, @hyunfilms, @cutiespaghetti, @hanjisunginc

[l3viat8an]

Can you do one where reader just spoils asmo. Like taking them on dates buying clothes for them. Basically fluff I think it would be really cute if asmo got really sentimental because he's being treated as a person instead of the avatar of lust

Fluff!!! Getting your nails done and some shopping with Asmo!-

Ofc, ofc! There’s more then one way to spoil a demon~! and I’m mixing theses two asks a bit because yea- lots of shopping with Asmo & some teasing! Ignore any typos I’m dyslexic as fuck- sorry

First things, first going to get your nails done at one of Asmo’s favorite little nail salons!

They always treated you and Asmo like royalty (which you basically are in hell lol), getting matching sets of baby pink french tips for Asmo’s birthday!

The demon himself insisted on picking the style and color, something simple and cute!

Laughing and making small talk the whole time with the salon tech as she works and she even joins in on a few of Asmo’s party stories, telling you a few embarrassing tidbits about the demon as he blushes and tries to shush her “Don’t tell MC that!” “But you looked so cute with your head in a punch bowl! You blew up on devilgram if I remember right.” She stops to think for a moment, “Oh! That’s right! Top meme of 1820!! I still see a few of the old ones my nieces and nephews send me.” Asmo groans and would hide his face in his hands if she wasn’t in the middle of painting his nails. You raise one eyebrow and look over at him, “Top meme?” “Don’t!! I’ll show you pictures from that night where I actually look good but forget about that one!” “Alright, alright.” You’ll just have to ask Satan or Mammon about it later-

You and the nail tech giggle at Asmo’s protest and start talking about other stuff, a few of the models currently trending on devilgram, Asmo’s upcoming party and so on. Stuff the demon was more than happy to chat about, mixed with some gossip.

When your nails are done and you move to pay she stops you. “I can’t change you on his birthday. Besides, it’s been ages since I’ve seen him laugh so….” She trails off for a moment looking for the right word “Well, genuinely. You always bring out a special side of Asmodeus. I wish others could see more often.” it’s your turn to protest and you tell her you didn’t do anything special and he’d have a cow if he thought you’d gotten a discount/cheated her out of money and she laughs, “Don’t worry I’ll still give you the recipe. I just won’t take your money.” you try to convince her one more time, but as you start too, you feel arms wrap around your middle and a quick kiss on the cheek “Almost ready sweetie~?” Asmo had caught up and was ready to go-

The tech smiled again, and gave you one last wink. Handing you a fake receipt and telling you to have a good day and continue treating Asmo~!

————————————————————————

Next up taking him clothes shopping! Not that either of you needed new clothes but it’s his birthday and you want to spoil him! “Oh!!” Asmo squealed walking down the racks and racks of clothes and picking out outfit, after outfit. Some for him to try on and some for you~!

After picking out ten or twivlve outfit Asmo dragged you back to the fitting rooms and pushed you into the biggest one, following right behind “Oooh~ cozy.” Asmo giggles turning away and starting to strip and try on his first outfit, “Come on sweetie! No need to be shy it’s just you and me~” he teases seeing you haven’t moved from your corner yet. “That’s exactly what I’m worried about, Asmo.” Your own voice is light and teasing but, he looks at you dead serious for a moment, “I’m not going to try anything. I’m honestly having fun just hanging out with you~” and he turns back to his mirror and start, putting on his first outfit. You just stare at his back for a minute, before shaking your head as if to clear it and starting to try on your own outfit.

You try on all the outfits, a few are only Asmo’s style, sure you look cute but he’s the one who looks gorgeous. and a few are more your style! For every outfit he picked Asmo found a complimentary / matching one for you or him. Snapping a few selfies in the outfits he loved and giving a “Meh” face at the ones he didn’t. It was fun, Asmo had little compliments for all your outfits and everytime you tried to compliment him he’d giggle and give you a little kiss on the kiss or nose. Just small little drops of affection before trying on the next outfit. Eventually you had 3 outfits each and made you way out of the try on room and towards the counter to pay passing several more displays, you stop for a moment and grab two hats. They’re fairly plan looking baseball caps, but both have “Bad bitch” embroidered in pink across the front and the idea of getting Asmo to wear one makes you laugh.

Reaching the checkout counter a few steps behind him, you can’t exactly hide the hats from Asmo, and he raises one eyebrow in question, “Needed a hat?” you shake your head “No, but I wanted something to wear right away and I wanted to match with you.”

Asmo blushes but laughs, asking the cashier to leave the hats out of your bags and even puts yours on for you, then quickly putting on his own. “There! Now everyone will know we match.” and breaking into a fit of giggles.

————————————————————————

After paying for your new outfits and putying on your new hats it’s off to your next stop! But this time Asmo’s leading, half dragging you through the Devildom side streets until you get to some small shop that looks much smaller compared to the others. The little shop sign is crooked and a little faded.

You can’t imagine this being somewhere Asmo would shop. It’s so different then, the big stores like Majolish. “Ahh, Asmo? Is this the right place?” You ask as he reaches for the doorknob “Yes! We’re here just for you~” and he leads you inside.

It’s a quiet little shop with only one salesperson at a little corner absolutely full of cosmetics and empty makeup pallets. “Amaymon! We’re here for MC’s appointment!” Asmo chirps happily, still holding your hand and helping you into a seat at the counter, Amaymon gives you a small smile, looking over your face carefully. Almost as if he’s inspecting you, “Hello, MC. Asmodeus, told me you’ve been interested in makeup.” You nod, it’s true. You had asked Asmo if he could give you some pointers. But you didn’t expect to go to a different demon- “Good. Now don’t worry, I’m not going to give you classes or anything. No, I’ll leave all that to Asmodeus. I’m simply going to match your skin tone and create a makeup pallet with you and a few things Asmodeus told me about you.” “Oh. Is that all?” You ask, still a little confused. but Asmo’s still beaming next to you, so you feel safe. “That is all.” Amaymon says, before going completely quiet.

He grabs a few things here and there moving much faster then, you expected. He grabs small bottles of what look like concealer and foundation, although you don’t ask. Mixing them, occasionally looking over at you before going back to his work.

Asmo watches for awhile before looking around the little shop, he grabs a few new lipsticks off of a different counter and even calls you over to help him pick out some eyeshadow, “We can try all of that’s together when we get home! Now what we really need is a few dark reds or maybe a blueberry-ish shade…” Asmo looks at your face and grabs a few more things, explaining how the colors might look a little bright but he can tone them down or how they’ll bring out your eyes. He just seems so happy, getting to spend time with you and it makes you smile!-

A small cough interrupts your thoughts as, Amaymon has apparently finished. A rather large box is now sitting on the counter with your name written on a little note at the top “Oh, perfect!” Asmo claps his hands and tells Amaymon to add the other stuff you picked out to the total and add it to Asmo’s tap. Amaymon nods as he bags up the other items. “I hope you enjoy your new makeup MC. Don’t let Asmodeus go too overboard on your makeover.” Asmo laughs as he grabs your hand in his and the bags in the other “Amaymon! You know me~ I just can’t help myself.” you laugh and squeeze Asmo’s hand as you both leave the shop and head home.

That night Asmo does your makeup and after much whining and pouting convinces you to do his. It’s not the best, but you’re still learning!! His lipstick is a little smudged and the eyeliner is crooked, but Asmo loves it he takes so many pictures of both you and himself even posting them on devilgram with “Best birthday ever <3” in the caption.

[twilightmalachite]

Raison d’être - A Premature Burial 1

Author: Akira

Characters: Nazuna, Kuro, Mika

Translator: Mika Enstars

"I wish I was hearing those words in a different context, you know!?"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Winter

Location: Starmony Dorms (Exterior)

The next day. Near the entrance of Starmony Dorms…

Nazuna: Absolutely not…

Kuro: If ya could nod your head with a “yes” instead… Much like a man bowed his head askin’ for help—Nahh, we’re too close for that, aren’t we?

Nazuna: Mhm. I’d love to help you with whatever you ask, Kuro-chin, but I don’t like what I don’t like.

Kuro: Oh come on. Dressin’ up in any outlandish outfit ain’t somethin’ new to you, right, Nito?

Nazuna: You’re right, but…

I’m an adult who is about to turn twenty years old. Sometimes I look at myself wearing cute shorts and I wonder to myself, “What am I doing?”

But I know that’s just the way things are, that’s the type of idols Ra*bits are, and I’m fine with that.

Kuro: Ooh, so then…♪

Nazuna: This is something different! Why’s it I gotta wear women’s clothing made by my friend, Kuro-chin?

Just, no! It makes me feel obscene!

Kuro: T-There’s nothin’ obscene about it! Ya make it sound so bad!

Why’s it you’re so reluctant? I’m just asking if ya can try on an outfit I made for my lil’ sister!

Nazuna: And I’m sayin’ you have some nerve to be asking a guy your age to do that!

If I’m not mistaken, your little sister’s still in primary school, right Kuro-chin? Sure, I sell cuteness, but I’m still a grown man, aren’t I~!?

Kuro: It’ll be alright! It’ll work out with ya, Nito!

My lil’ sister’s steadily growin’ up to be taller and taller just like me, it’ll still be a lil’ short on ya, but you’ll still be able to wear it!

I believe in ya, Nito!

Nazuna: I wish I was hearing those words in a different context, you know!?

Aaalright! We’re done here! I’m uncomfortable, I’m going back to my room!

I’ll let you off the hook this time because we’re friends, Kuro-chin, but go take a walk and cool your head too!

Kuro: C’mon, don’t say that, Nito~…

My lil’ sis recently has been startin’ to take more and more interest in fashion, but all the clothes and accessories she wants are ridiculously expensive.

We can’t afford it with our current economic situation, so I thought to sew it myself. It’d be cheaper that way.

But the thing with clothes is, ya can’t tell if it’s gonna look good or bad ‘til it’s actually put on. So..? Do ya understand, Nito?

I’m beggin’ ya… You’re my only hope, ya know.

I know I’m one to talk, but all the idols in ES have large builds. Your tininess is a valuable asset, Nito.

There’s nobody else in this wide world that can wear primary school girl’s clothes naturally but my friend Nito—Only you!

Nazuna: Buy a mannequin, then…?

Kuro: Whoah!? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen your eyes as cold as glass marbles!

Nazuna: I don’t want my eyes to return to the days where I was a doll in Valkyrie because of a situation as stupid as this…

Mika: …!

Kuro: Ohh? Hey, hey, watch where ya goin’, are ya hurt?

Mika: …

Kuro: Hey… Ya run into me and don’t even say hi? Did somethin’ happen, Kagehira?

Mika: Nnah!? Ahh, my bad, “Ryuu~-kun”-san! My head’s been so blank…!

Kuro: What’s wrong with ya… Somethin’ wrong? If you’re willin’, I can at least hear ya out?

Mika: Nnah? Nah nah, it’s somethin’ unrelated to ya, “Ryuu~-kun”-san—

Ohh, but you are “Ryuu~-kun”-san, aren’tcha?

Kuro: Wha? I’ll be blunt, you’re the only one callin’ me by nickname from when I was a kiddo. It’s been a long time since Itsuki called me that, even.

Mika: That’s right! “Ryuu~-kun”-san is Oshi-san’s childhood friend, right? That’s why yer “Ryuu~-kun”-san, right?

Kuro: What’s this gotta do with anythin’… Is there somethin’ goin’ on with Itsuki?

[ ☆ ]

← prev | story directory | next →

[heymeowmao]

2023.06.06 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324909692089401460

加油啊!

bgm: Chong Zi OST - Heaven Light (天光)

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning! Welcome!! Long time no see. I feel like I haven’t streamed in a long time, at least. And... why is the sound so loud? /adjusts/. It’s been a while since I streamed last and I saw that a few of you were going out of your minds. You resorted to taunting me to get me to get me to come. Can we spread a little more kindness in this world? Please? It’s only been a few days and you’ve already started to taunt me. It’s not necessary, alright? LYN: When I’m in a good condition, I will come to stream on my own when I think the time is right. I hope you don’t push me next time. When you start pushing, I start second-guessing myself and think that maybe I SHOULD be streaming. But if my condition isn’t great- for example if I did some recording that day or took care of some different business- then I won’t be able to stream the way I want. I’d be forcing myself to stream. It’s not necessary. Let’s leave it up to me, alright? If I’m in a good condition and I want to stream and chat and relax, I’ll come. But otherwise... let me rest! 

LYN: The stream lagging a little is normal, because I’ve upgraded my equipment. If I upgrade my camera, I have to upgrade my computer, too. After that, you might think the sound card isn’t doing a good enough job- a lot of you always complain that the sound is too low. I don’t know why you can’t wear some headphones... but you always complain that the sound is low. After upgrades, the computer can’t keep up. See? It seems like I have to change my computer AGAIN. I’ve only had it for two years- it cost a lot- and now I have to buy a new one. Technology is too advanced for my computer to keep up. C: Sell it. LYN: I won’t be selling it. It’s just because that for this stream I’ve returned home to Beijing. i don’t have a desktop computer here, so I’m using the laptop. The signal on it is probably lacking, so it lags every once in a while. It’s enough for you to watch, though. Thanks, everyone (for your understanding). Our main focus is on “company”. Even if you are just photos (profile pics) we’re keeping each other company, alright? 

bgm: LBFD/CLJ OST - Searching for You (寻一个你)

LYN: Why am I wearing this today? Because the NCEE is fast-approaching. In order to fit the theme, I’ve worn some clothes that make me look younger. Let me pretend to be young, to be a student. Is it alright? Our theme here is “young.” LYN: As long as you’re satisfied with this look, all’s well.  LYN: The other thing is I haven’t lived in this Beijing house for a long time, since I am always away in Hengdian. I don’t really have any clothes to wear, here. I tried looking, I did, and I couldn’t find anything to wear. People always say that a woman’s closet is always lacking something. I get the feeling I’m lacking ten outfits- to use for streaming. I always feel like I don’t have anything to wear when I want to stream. Let me tell you- I do put thought into what I wear. You might think that I choose my streaming outfit at random, but I actually put a lot of effort into it. 

C: Ning-ge, I thought you had 3,000 outfits. LYN: When I first debuted- in the first two years- I might have had 3,000 outfits but now, three years later, how many clothes do you think I have? Think about it. There’s a room in this house that looks like a storage room and it’s full of clothes. I can’t even wear some of them because I bought them so long ago that the color has gone off from age.  C: Raffle them. LYN: We could... we could pick a concert stop- if I’m having a concert next year- and let’s say it’s a 10,000 person venue... Wait- I don’t have 10,000 pieces of clothing... Let’s do this instead. I’ll take 1,000 pieces of clothing for each stop and gift it to the audience. The concert benefit is being gifted clothes second-hand. 

- - - - - - - - - - 

C: How’s the album coming along? LYN: I really am working on album stuff right now. But if it were such an easy thing to do, it wouldn’t have taken me three years to release one. Think about the singers nowadays- there are as many as they come. It’s really difficult to continuously release albums, unless they are songwriters themselves. They could write their own works and put as much into that as they wanted; but even so, there are times when you have no inspiration. For me, as someone who does not have the ability to write songs... I just have to wait for something that works. Sometimes even when you find one, someone else gets to it first. It’s up to luck and timing. This time around I have taken my time to pick the songs and I’ve gotten some that I really like.  LYN: Let me tell you about my plans. I want to release this album before the end of the year. I previously released a song called “Fall in Love”- you know it, right? My fans have probably heard it before, but there are many of you who are just passing by and have entered the wrong shop- or have been dragged in by someone handing out cards- let me play my song “Fall in Love” for you. -- Fall in Love LYN: I went crazy all of a sudden. 

LYN: This was going to be the title song for my album... but it’s been two years since the track was released. Well- one and a half years. I sang it for the first time at the Jiangsu New Year’s Event... and then... about two years have passed and the album was never released. If I release it later in the year, it WILL be three years. So my plan for this year is to get my album out before December. It’ll be around 10 songs. This song (Fall in Love)- we can do without. I mean- not count it as part of the album. It’ll just be a single. LYN: As for my album, I’ll remake it. I had collected a few for the album from before, and have recorded two of them. But now... immodestly speaking, my singing has improved in the last two years. Listening to those songs now I think, “What the heck is this singing? WTF is this?? You think you can release an album like this, you must be crazy!” So the other day I re-recorded one of the songs. LYN: To singers “progress” is relative to a lot of different aspects. The first is the progression of age. The second is the advancement of music. The third probably has to do with the fact that I am acting now. After acting, I feel like I can better express emotions. I can let them show more or.. how should I say it? (Express them more subtly.) I have a deeper feeling/understanding of them now. LYN: Penny-jie gave me a song. Not counting Fall in Love, I should have... four now. But I should be able to confirm another one or two in the next couple of days. They’ve given me demos and I’ve given gone through them briefly and I think they’re very nice but I’ll have to get a better listen. I now have four complete songs and will get another three or four in the next days. I’ll have seven. Then I can just find three more and we can release the at the end of the year. :) My plan is to release the album before the end of the year- 10 songs- and then open up my concerts mid 2024. That’s just an estimate, because I have to film in the first half. Probably May or June. But before the concert I want to release an EP of about 5 songs.

C: Will you release an MV? LYN: I am working on an MV, yes. I’m planing on finding a few of my good friends- I can now make a PROPER MV. The MVs I shot before were all: I’m looking for something. I walk to the ocean and I search. I climb a ladder. I run. I look up at the sky and sit by my bedside, depressed. I’m emo. More conceptual. Now I don’t want to make MVs like that. I want something with a plot. So the songs I am finding now are all- /cuts himself off/. In any case, I’m going to find some of my good friends to help me shoot it. Of course, I will not be paying them. LYN: I already asked them- “If I release an album next year, will you help me shoot the mv?” They asked me if I would pay extra, and I replied that if they continued that thought I would block them. XD  LYN: My MV would need a group of them- I'll find 10 artists to act in the MV for me. Something that requires 2,000 extras. We’ll do a “human wave attack” (人海战术; offensive infantry tactic in which an attacker conducts an unprotected frontal assault with densely concentrated infantry formations -wiki).

LYN: So, for those of you asking about how my album is going, I really am working on getting it released this year, I swear. I have time in Beijing now to work on it properly and wrap up with logistics and with the music. After all that is finished I will re-focus on my acting. We’ll see.

C: I want to be an extra. LYN: Er... for extras the fee is 200RMB, sent to me. 1200RMB to me and I will include two meals. I won’t pick you up, but will send you back- to the closest bus stop. C: Ning-ge, I’ll invest 300k for your MV. LYN: Are you really investing or has chasing starts made you silly? If investing, let’s say my mv makes any revenue- you’d like a cut of the profits? But if you want to shoot a nice MV, it requires quite a bit of money. I don’t think 300k will be enough. I’m thinking of shooting two to three. C: I’ll invest 1M. LYN: I will find a staff member to contact you immediately. You can’t run, I’ve remembered your ID. I’ll find a staff to contact you and we can exchange the deposit in private. For a 1M project, you only need to give me a deposit of 200k first. C: Ning-ge, I’ll invest my charms. LYN: So what you’re trying to say that you’re too good-looking, so you want to be a part of my video and... that will be favorable for me? We’d be taking advantage of you because you’re too pretty, too beautiful?

C: Ning-ge, how about I give you 10RMB. LYN: Has the progression of my career reached a point where I need to do crowdfunding? I can’t survive on my own anymore, and if I want to do something my fans have to drum up the money? It’s not necessary. I know I’m not doing very well but I’m not that pitiful. Also, I just want to say- let me think of how I can phrase this nicely, to filter it-   LYN: ~ I think that music has always been a dream of mine. I can give everything I have to my music. You tell me you want to crowdfund in order to let me release my songs, but I think there’s no need for that. The music I release is for you to listen to, to enjoy, and to experience. If you feel anything when listening to my songs then that already is my greatest honor. That’s why, I don’t want you to give me any money. I will figure out the funding on my own. I appreciate your good intentions. You are all kind people. You all have dreams. You are good samaritans. ~ LYN: ~ I’m sure that everyone who has a dream in music who sees such a group of people who want to support their passion for music, will be moved. Thank you all. ~

- - - - - - - - - -

- /gives his support to students taking the NCEE/

C: Ning-ge, your voice is like this and you’re still streaming? LYN: ~ Honestly friends, I have to tell you, my voice is really uncomfortable today. Because for a long time I was in the South- in Hengdian- which is more humid. I’ve suddenly returned to Beijing and I haven’t quite adjusted. I have a really dry throat. I am withstanding searing pain to stream for everyone today. But I don’t want to make this a big deal. I don’t want to say that I am sick. I just want to say- that you are all very important to me. I’m willing to do this for you- ~ - /breaks character because he couldn’t stand himself/ LYN: Beijing is dry, alright? My throat is uncomfortable. I’ve been living in the South all this while- me, who originates from the North, has been living in the South. Hendgian is in Zhejiang, right? That’s south. It’s humid. So being back here now (in the North), my throat has been uncomfortable. It’s really dry. Especially Beijing, which is particularly dry. Liaoning, Dandong- where my house is- is okay, because there I am close the the river/ocean. The air isn’t as dry for a place in the Northeast. Beijing is really dry, though. I have to put on so many face masks every day. LYN: Wait for me a sec, I’ll go grab some water.

C: The chair looks nice. LYN: Are you making fun of me? This house in Beijing is rented so this furniture was all here when I got the house. I don’t have such high tastes. This is the landlord’s stuff, not mine. - C: Drink less soft drinks. LYN: This isn’t a soft drink, it’s just carbonated water. It’s carbonated, but there’s no sugar or anything in it.  - C: It’s a princess chair. LYN: /laughs/ Yes, it is. There are six of them. They were around the dinner table but I grabbed one over to sit on while I stream. I’m not in Beijing very often, anyway.

C: What special effect is this today? LYN: You can tell that this video has special effects?? This is the “aurora” effect. Why am I using it, do you know? Well- you all know what an “aurora” is, right? A very mystical phenomenon. LYN: ~ I am using this aurora effect today because I believe that not many people in this world have seen an actual aurora. Or a real rainbow. But I hope that each one of you who are in my stream can see this wonderful aurora special effect. So you can feel like you are in a faraway place- somewhere you can see the lights. ~ - bgm: Young Captain队长 & ODD Chen Sijian - 超感 (Super Sense) - LYN: But remember to tell me where I can see a rainbow. I saw one the other day- with my eyes, it was very clear. But I tried to take a picture of it on my phone and I found out- you can’t really see it.  C: Your skills aren’t good enough. / LYN: Oh. C: Change your phone. / LYN: Right, okay.

C: Have you done your physical yet? LYN: Not yet. I want to get everything arranged first and acclimate before I do it. Lately I’ve been preparing to start working out again. I want to give myself half a year’s time to start a regular eating schedule. I’ll mind what I eat- like not anything fried or sweet- and try to stick to an exercise schedule. I want to know, after this half year, what the results will be.  LYN: I really have properly started working out now. I’m not kidding anymore. My abs... I’m at... 10%. If having full-on abs is 100%, then I have at least 20% now. That is- you can see something if you squint. Let me train for a bit first. If there are results by the end of the year I’ll post up a picture. I see a lot of male artists wearing suits, right? But they don’t wear a shirt- it’s just the suit jacket- and a low middle button. I see a lot of male artists like that and I’m super jealous. They have such nice physique that allows them to wear the clothes in that way, to show a little skin. Either that or it’s a dress shirt, but the buttons are undone until the last few. The name of the game there is “Temptation/Seduction”. I can’t do that, though. If I open it up I look like a boiled chicken. LYN: I just want to have a nicer physique. I won’t make any promises from now on. I won’t bring it up again. We’ll just.. wait and see.

LYN: I was worried that I would come onto the stream today and my face would look fat. Lately I’ve been eating less but if I want to work out I have to eat more- three meals is modest. I’ve been forcing myself to eat, so I feel like I’ve gained weight. I thought it would show on the camera but it’s alright. The beauty filters are strong, after all. LYN: I had a huge bowl of rice and vegetables just earlier. But those are all regular foods. It’s alright I didn’t gain weight. // I have a performance in a couple of days, I told you about it before- some college, right?

C: Ning-ge, your hair color is makes you seem young. LYN: I don’t like the words “seem young”. I used to sell clothes, so I know all the right words to say when you’re trying to make a sale. If you say I “seem young” then that means that you don’t see me as ACTUALLY young. You don’t see me as young at all, but the words “seem young” should be allocated to 45+ year old men and women. You can use “seem young” to describe them. Okay?? You’ve just admitted that in your mind I am already... an old man.

C: Feels “youthful”! LYN: Friends, you don’t need to make forced compliments. I have a very clear image of myself and “youthful” doesn’t fit it. I told you before, that I had a script come to me and they wanted to act as a high school student for a portion of it, didn’t I? There was a plot where the two people met in high school and went to college together but later separated to start working. The majority of the plot is focused on when they are adults, but I couldn’t get past them wanting me to act as a high school student for a portion of it. Because of this, I gave up on this drama.  LYN: I can act as maybe a college student if you lay down the foundation extra thick to cover up the wrinkles. Maybe get some Thermage treatment in, and I could pass. But if you want me to act as a middle or high school student, I really can’t do it. I am 1.9m tall- when I’m not wearing shoes I’m 1.89m, but if I wear shoes I’m taller than 1.9m. It’d be okay if I were shorter but have you ever seen that tall of a high school student?? They’re already done growing! So me acting as a high school student would be a little unfitting. 

C: Kids nowadays are all tall. LYN: /laughs/ You’re right, but I still can’t do it! They might be tall but they still have young faces. My face has obviously seen time. I just can’t do it. A kid can play someone older, but someone older can’t play a kid. My face already has time on it. If you wanted me to act as someone around 30 years old or so, that wouldn’t be a problem. But early 20′s is difficult for me!

C: Ning-ge, you’re very young. Ning-ge, you can do it. LYN: I realized there’s something about this industry... let me tell you how I feel about it. People who do well in this industry- I’ve been to events, I can see who’s doing well or not- you’ll discover something. That is, no matter what they do the people around them will endlessly praise them. Really. I’m talking about people who are doing well for themselves. Their staff, the staff you meet at events- let’s say we’re at some recording for a show or an event- any staff around will give them endless praise. For example, an artist goes, “Huh? What is this, a phone? I’ve never seen one like this before. It’s called an iPhone?” The staff around them have already reached a point where they reply, “You’re so smart! Amazing! /claps/. You’ve never seen this thing before, but you knew it was a phone. You’re so great. You have a natural talent for identifying phones.” I was at the side, watching like:

LYN: But most of the time the artist will gladly accept the praise. “Oh, I just have a knack for this. :) I have an interest in mobile phones- oh, I see this is an iPhone! I’ve never seen one before, but I already know. I’m just talented. I have an interest in electronics.” !! It’s like humoring a child! And these artists aren’t young. LYN: You know- once you reach a certain point you’ll find out that the words of the people around you are 99% praise. The people close to you, as well as the people you meet. After I saw that happening I thought, “Oh~ So (that’s how it is)...” They’re probably already used to it and it doesn’t affect them at all but to me... I don’t feel a thing.  LYN: Just like when you tell me that I’m young and that I can play a middle schooler. I’ll listen to what you’re saying, but leave it at that. I might even have the passing thought that maybe you are trying to provoke me. After seeing all that, I have my own judgement on what people say to me in the future. I don’t believe that all you should hear is praise. There needs to be all sorts of comments in order to level you. Only then can you mature. Only then will you know where your limits are. LYN: That’s why when you praise and support me- of course, I like to hear it. But I don’t think there’s a need to take it seriously. There’s really no need. C: I was being honest. LYN: Even if you were, I still won’t take it seriously. I need to have self-awareness to maintain my balance. 

- - - - - - - - - -

- /saw a passing comment and makes note to answer it later, but clarifies he couldn’t really see the whole thing because the comment was too long. If they are short comments, usually he sees all of them scrolling by./ LYN: I can’t answer all of them, so please be generous. Don’t think that just because I am not replying to you, you shouldn’t comment at all. Our theme here is “company”.

C: Are there kiss scenes in ZY? LYN: What’s it to you?!? You must be crazy. XD LYN: There are no kiss scenes in ZY, only bath scenes. Of course by that I mean- a normal bath. For example, I’ll go to bathe and my bros will scrub my back for me. Scenes like that. They'll perform some gua sha and  ba guan for me. Because we’ll all get together to wash up after we go out to battle. We’re starting a “community bathing” culture. C: Such a big scale? LYN: We’re still wearing pants. If we want it to air, we’ll still be wearing pants. They’ll only show the top half. Just a bunch of guys helping to scrub each other’s backs.

C: Your ears are turning red. LYN: Why would they be??? What did I say today that would make my ears red?? You really think I’m only 18 years old?! Have you forgotten what I was trending for a while ago?? (Married) Oh-sorry. I’m... I’m not a young kid. Why I turn red from talking about washing up and scrubbing backs?? C: Now it IS red. LYN: Yeah, I misspoke earlier. My mind was running slow and my mouth too fast. I apologize. C: Drink some water to settle your mind.

C: When will YNGS air? LYN: I don’t know! :D Let me tell you friends, a lot of actors are also dumbfounded. I know you like to ask us actors when our dramas will air, but we’re in the dark and really don’t know. I’m guessing if you try to ask the production company, they wouldn’t either! Sometimes you’ll hear that a drama is airing tonight and then the next morning you find it didn’t. This is normal, so if you ask me when a drama is airing, I really don’t know. LYN: It’s been two years since I finished filming a couple of my dramas and even now I am getting notices to do voice acting or supplement for voice acting. It seems like everything is going according to plan and the OSTs are all recorded, but then... it’s just indefinitely about to air. So what time a drama airs is really hard to say. I can only tell you that I can’t tell you.

C: Do you have a variety? LYN: I do, we’ve been in talks. But I- I- Once I start in a drama crew I don’t have the time anymore. Varieties nowadays need two to three or up to seven to eight days to record. There’s no way the drama production is letting me off for that long. Especially since I am starting to accept male lead roles... So, it’s hard for me to go. The production doesn’t really give the time off. So the variety is hard to say, since I will be entering another crew soon. You all are afraid of me wasting my time at home, and desperately want me to enter a crew. Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing. You’ll see. When I pick projects, they’re usually dependable. If any news gets announced I’m sure you will be happy for me. I won’t be sitting around at home. C: Is it a modern or historical? LYN: Which one are you referring to? Are you talking about the one in the latter half of next year? That one... hasn’t come yet. Let me pretend. // This is called “I’ve been home too long and now I’m making fantasies”. I clearly don’t have work but I’m pretending I do. There are some people like that, and I am one of them.

LYN: If you don’t quite understand me, let me explain. I’m a workaholic, I really am. Just look at how I spent the past five years. I started off singing on the streets and slowly made myself internet famous. After that, I became a singer. Now I’m starting to be an actor. I’ve made it this far step by step. Do you think, if I took even one moment to rest in these past five years, I would have been able to make it to where I am today? Getting to work with all these comparative (to me) amazing people? I don’t want to say that I am putting a lot of effort into this; I just want you to know that I don’t want to let myself rest. I want to learn quickly how to make my way in this industry.  LYN: The people I’m working with now are all amazing, right? I started off as a busker on the streets. In order for me to make it here, if I rested at all in the past five years do you think I would have been able to walk this far? I don’t have a company backing me. I only have this group of fans who have kept me company all this way. I don’t have a company (公司/gong si), only fans (粉丝/fen si). LYN: I’m the type of person who gets anxious if they don’t have work. My old fans all know this. But can you see me being anxious right now? If I didn’t have work, and I hadn’t decided my next drama or made plans for the future- I’d be having a breakdown. Do you think I’d be sitting here so calmly, discussing this with you? I’d be here complaining, not telling you jokes. LYN: So, you can tell by my mood. If I’m relaxed then I have plans in place. Lately I’ve taken a break because I really do want to work on my album. It’s not like an OST, where I can just take a song someone else has written if I like it and just record a song and release it. Albums are complicated. The process of collecting songs alone is difficult. Another thing about me is that I don’t want the songs on my album to be like songs I’ve sung for OSTs. I’ve accepted many OSTs that I really like a lot. But if there are songs on my album that are no different from the OSTs then I’ll think, “What’s the point of releasing this song? This is exactly like an OST I can sing.” Choosing the music is hard. I hear too many songs every year, so it’s hard to pick one I really like. I’m really working on the album. LYN: I’m also going to start the voice acting for YNGS. I’m going to plan to give them 10 days for recording. For example, I’d go in at 10a-1p, grab a bite, then start again at 4-5p until 7-8p. It’ll be like working a regular job, for about 10 days. I want to get the voice acting finished in the coming week. I also have some OSTs I need to record and events to attend. I won’t be idle. Don’t worry- you don’t need to be anxious for me. LYN: Oh- I don’t need fan support for voice acting. Just want to let you know. If I go to the recording studio and there’s a group of you with banners chanting our fan motto... it’s not necessary. I just need to do my job and that’s it. LYN: Maybe in a few days when I go to the hospital for my physical, you can come give me fan support then. /laughs/ You can stand by the entrance and shout, “LYN, good luck on your physical!” or something like that.  C: Steal urine. LYN: ?? What does that mean? Are you a pervert?? You must be. I told you I was going in for my physical and you said you want to steal (my) urine?? /barfing sounds/ LYN: Unreasonable. Truly unreasonable. Oh my goodness. This is too perverse. C: Extreme sasaeng behavior. LYN: This isn’t even sasaeng behavior anymore. This is... /barfs/

C: Can you turn the lyrics off? LYN: What- what, are the lyrics blocking your sight to something? How about I make it smaller? This is fine, right? /sigh/ I’ll turn it off. Save you some face.

- - - - - - - - - -

-- break #1 (his friend is having a baby and he needs to take a look) LYN: Excuse me friends, I made you wait long. I’m back. Lao Wang had a son a while back, this time he had a daughter. It’s nice. C: Are they good-looking? LYN: Not better than me. /laughs/ Why does that feel low- I’m competing in looks with a child?? C: How many days apart are they? LYN: The last time they had a kid was... three months ago. Now they have another. It’s amazing.

C: You look young. You can go act as a middle schooler. LYN: Let me tell you, friends- lately I’ve been thinking I want to start “pan chuan” (counting prayer beads (?)). I just think it’s cool. I think it’s fun. Watching the string change over time is interesting. But then I was thinking, if I started to do this, wouldn’t it prove that I am crossing another...I can’t say “realm”, can I? I’m entering into the meditative mind and healthy body category. But my current category is as a “Disney-lover”! C: I’ve been doing this for many years already. LYN: Which means to say your age... is probably around mine, right? C: Elementary kids do this, too. LYN: Do they? I didn’t know. But I really bought a string online and later I’ll... play with them. // I met someone not too long ago, and they told me they had nothing fun to do. I suggested they count beads and they said that they didn’t want to because if they did that, they would enter into the “middle-aged” mindset. That’s how they described it, at least. I thought about it and... yeah, they were right. But if you’re telling me that even elementary kids are doing this now, then I think that this is the popular trend for now. Then, we’ll count! C: Don’t count them, “pan” me. LYN: Do you want to “chuan”?? // Wait- sorry. That sounds like a curse word. That is- Sorry. - /clears his throat and skips the topic/ ;; t/n: there’s some wordplay here, but idk LYN: I won’t. I seriously did research on this and these things need a high density. You’re probably not dense enough. Also there’s a process of going from white, to colored (oxidized), and then opened (?). I don’t really want to see you “colored”. I think I’ll forget it. You can “pan” yourself in the mirror. I won’t be participating.

C: Watch out for tendonitis. LYN: What do you mean- like when I’m moving them, this part of my hand is likely to get tendonitis? I’ll buy a machine to turn them. I saw that there are those things online. / Oh, was it “tenosynovitis”? Sorry, I read wrong. / But there are machines for this, so I was thinking of getting one. I won’t have to use my own hands. I won’t get tenosynovitis, it’s okay. // There’s another machine, where you can take each of the beads and there’s like a tube- you can put the bead inside and it will spin.

C: Nine-ge, don’t wash your face in the morning just take the beads and rub them on your face. LYN: Why are you so dirty? That would be so gross. We want the bead’s natural oils. Maybe this topic is not interesting to many females, but we want the bead’s natural oils, not your dirty face oils. That’s no good. Forget it, let’s not.

C: Tell Daimi to count them for you. LYN: Daimi? I’d be lucky if she didn’t take them for peanuts and eat them. 

LYN: I thought you wouldn’t be interested, but it seems like a lot of you women- and men, there are bound to be men here too, right? - you all like to play with this. When my string arrives, will we be considered “pan”you? [t/n: play on the word “friends” (peng you)] Or “chuan-you”? I don’t know. We can discuss it. LYN: I didn’t know elementary school kids were interested in this, too. I honestly don’t know too much about it myself. There aren’t many grade schoolers in the group of friends around me to begin with. So I’m not sure what they’re into these days.

- - - - - - - - - -

C: Is your dog male or female? LYN: She’s a girl. I won’t own boy dogs. I used to own a boy dog, a long time ago. I took him out for a walk and all of a sudden he set his eyes on another dog and took off. He was a bigger breed- a sheepdog (Scotch Collie). He took the leash and started chasing a female dog. I ran across 8 hilltops- I was walking him up in the middle of nowhere- it was up in the mountains, and there were giant storehouses. He took the leash and ran and I chased him across three hilltops. I was this close to a breakdown, I almost threw up and I couldn’t catch him. I lost him and it scared me so much. Even /I/ got lost in the chase, because I wasn’t familiar with the area. I was chasing my dog, and my dog was chasing another dog. After all the running I lost the dog AND my way. I ran for about ten+ minutes. Do you know how helpless I felt, surrounded by unfamiliar terrain, lost dog and lost way? So ever since then I learned my lesson for having boy dogs. LYN: After that I only ever owned girl dogs. Youmi... Daimi... and there’s was also a cocker spaniel, whose name was also Youmi. I had two dogs named Youmi. The original had died, so I bought another one immediately so the love could be transferred. [t/n: if I recall, he didn’t want his grandparents to be too sad that Youmi (original) had passed away.]  LYN: All female dogs.

C: Did you ever find him? LYN: Later, he came back on his own. It took ME a while to find the way back home- I really ran across three hills before I found the path and went home by myself. I went home and cried to my mom that I had lost the dog and that I almost got lost. But when it came around nighttime, he came back on his own. That dog was so smart. People could hold his leash as long as I was there, but if I wasn’t he would go crazy. He was so smart. But in the end that dog... you probably know how it went. He ran away. That’s why people tell you- you can’t trust men. If they so something wrong once, they’ll do it a second time. He ran away, and didn’t come back this time. C: It was a BE. LYN: That’s an appropriate description, yes. At the time I was really sad about it, I cried for a few days and didn’t own a dog for a long time after.

C: He went to become someone’s son-in-law. LYN: He was a really handsome dog, but unfortunately I don’t have any pictures of him. You know sheepdogs- they have long snouts and long hair. Usually they’re all cream and black, or brown, right? But he was black and white. If there were a litter- only one of them would be patterned like that. It was so pretty. LYN: ! He wasn’t a Border Collie, though. I know what you’re talking about- Borders are black and white. He was a Scotch Collie, but black and white. Wow, he was so handsome. // I know the difference between a Border and a Scotch. He was the only one of the litter with that coloring- he was very unique. Very special.

C: What breed was Youmi? LYN: The first was a cocker spaniel. The second was a toy poodle. The one now is a schnauzer. After raising the cocker first, I discovered it was better to own a dog that didn’t shed as much. Schnauzers don’t shed as much- only the undercoat- and nor do toy poodles. These dogs are easy to clean up after, they’re small and smart, and don’t need to be walked as much.

C: Why don’t you like big dogs? LYN: Wait- look, I just said that I liked dogs that don’t shed as much and someone in the chat said, “Ning-ge, I also don’t shed a lot. Raise me.”  I’m guessing in not too long someone is going to pick up on this topic. LYN: Don’t you lose hair? I don’t believe there’s one person here who can say they don’t shed hair. We all do, more or less.

- - - - - - - - - -

C: Ning-ge, this special effect looks like “spitting pies”. LYN: ?? What is that? There are small orbs flying at you, so you think I’m “spitting pies”? I don’t always make “pies” (pipe-dreams). When have I made a pie for you? There aren’t many. The first is my abs- that’s going to be fulfilled this year, isn’t it?  C: “Stream until we throw up.” LYN: It counts if I do, too. Someone earlier wanted to steal something of mine, didn’t they? I threw up, then. If I throw up it counts too.

LYN: I saw a comment in the group chat that read, “Ning-ge is streaming today. If someone pushes him to stop streaming, I curse them to eat instant noodles without the seasonings forever.”

C: Disney stream; Carnation Festival 3.5. LYN: I had explanations for those, didn’t I? I told you about the Disney stream the last time- it’s not convenient for me to stream at the park. It was going to be okay, but lately their business has been booming. It became inconvenient for me to stream at the park because we wanted to avoid any unnecessary crowding. C: Recipe for marinating meat skewers. LYN: I’ve been busy lately... watching dramas, going to concerts... XD I’ve been busy with that lately. As for the grilling recipe, I’ll see if there’s a time I want to go out and relax. Maybe when I’m done with voice acting for Ning Yuanzhou- I’ll film a video, then. LYN: I saw someone asking me where I’ve been- I’ve really been busy as of late. And this work isn’t on a set schedule.

- - - - - - - - - -

C: After going back to Beijing you look more lively. LYN: I’ve been in Hengdian for so long that I’ve felt stifled. I honestly really like Hengdian, but the problem is- it’s a town. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just very small. It’s mostly the food- I’ve had so much of it! All the restaurants and take-out... I’ve been there for three years. Think about exactly how many good restaurants there can be. I’ve already eaten my fill. Also, there’s no place I can shop around! Sometimes I like shopping and buying clothes- give myself some motivation to keep working hard. I’ll go shop and say, “Wow, these clothes are so expensive! These shoes are expensive! I should buy them. Then, I can continue to work hard so I can afford them.” That’s what I do when I shop. LYN: I like living in the city. I can eat whatever I want, whether that’s skewers, hot pot, stir fry, Shanghai cuisine, Hangzhou cuisine, etc. I have choices. But the problem is that in Hengdian, there are only so many shops. You don’t really have a choice. All I did there was eat. I felt like I had enough. But after coming back to Beijing- there’s nothing really fun to do here, either, but- at least I can shop. As for “play” I like... arcades. Last time I was in Beijing I played with VR or escape rooms- those are fun. 

C: ZXD-laoshi is here. LYN: Welcome.

- /talks a little more about what he’d like to do in Beijing while he can experience the freedom of having choices: to eat/shop/play./ LYN: I’ve just been in Hengdian too long. Now that I’m back here I’m letting myself go, a little. I like the feeling of living in a big city. I like the bustle. I’ve asked my friends before, where they like to go for travel.One of them told me they go on hikes- to see the mountains and watch the rivers; how on the way there’s a part of the river that’s really beautiful. After hearing that, I didn’t have any reaction/feeling for it. They in turn asked me where I like to go for fun. I told them I like to go to Shanghai, Beijing, Hangzhou. They replied, “You’re not going there to work, are you?” LYN: I’m just the type of person who has to come to a bustling/busy place to relax. Why? Because my hometown is a tourist city I’ve grown up along the river bank. Behind my house is a mountain. I would ride my bike along the river to work everyday. Do you think I’m missing any opportunity to see the mountains and rivers? My home is a tourist city and I’ve grown up seeing the mountains and rivers. Now I’ve finally entered society and am doing well for myself, do you really think I want to return to see the mountains and rivers in my downtime? I’ve never seen such a flourishing city when I was little. I like the hustle and bustle of the city. I don’t want to go back to see mountains and rivers- I’ve seen enough. LYN: It’s been thirty years and I finally made it to a big city. Now you want me to go back? You’ll find that a lot of people- once they become wealthy, they want to “return to the natural state”. They’ve had enough of the luxurious meals, and now they want to go back to the simple things. But friends, I’ve had the simple things all along. I can finally eat meat, have the chance to have abalone, and you want me to go back? It doesn’t agree with my plans.

C: You’re trending. LYN: Really? :) I don’t believe. I don’t deserve it. LYN: LYN, trending? I don’t think he’s worthy. C: The Entertainment Tab. LYN: What’s wrong with that? C: #41. -- 我不配 (I’m Not Worthy) LYN: A sang a whole verse of this song just for those three words. (I’m not worthy.)

LYN: I’m trending, though? ~ Honestly, I think that being trending or not isn’t important. I think the most important thing is that if by being here streaming, I am able to bring to you some happiness. As a singer or an actor, the most important thing is to have good works for you. A trending topic is not something an artist- whether singer or actor- should be in pursuit of. You need to have truly good works, works you’ve put your heart into, works that can touch other people’s hearts- to give to everyone who supports you. That is what you, as an artist, should be pursuing. So this trending topic... is nice to have, but it’s not a big deal if I don’t. Friends, let’s let our work do the talking. ~  LYN: Who doesn’t know how to say nice things? Those are the basics, aren’t they?

bgm: Ice Paper -  夜泊秦淮 (Ye Po Qin Huai)

C: I learned. Thank you, laoshi. LYN: Are you an artist? If you aren’t then there’s no use in you learning this. Do you want to be celebrity??

- - - - - - - - - -

C: You have too many buttons. LYN: ... Okay. I’ll listen to you. Next time I’ll buy a shirt with a zipper. This shirt if full of buttons. If you think they’re too much, then from now on I’ll buy shirts with zippers. I think they exist- I’ve worn one before. LYN: Don’t think I don’t know what you’re thinking. We are just a normal stream. I am a singer/actor. This can ONLY be a normal stream. Or are you telling me that you want to see something immoral in my VERY MORAL stream?? I see right through you. I’ve already turned of the gifting option, so there’s no paid content here. I don’t try to sell you products, either. There’s no way you’re seeing any paid content.  C: No~ That’s not what we were intending. We’re just afraid that you’re hot. LYN: I have an air conditioner. It can make the room 1° in a second. I’ll turn it on blast. I don’t need you to worry. I’m not hot. Later I’m going to put on a down jacket.

C: You’re so hot that your face is protruding oil. LYN: This has nothing to do with the heat. I just have naturally oily skin. I even looked it up online: Is it bad to have oily skin? I went to look up the pros and cons. The con is that I am more likely to produce oils and accumulate sebum on my face. Now I have to advise you to use this very good selfie stick- lol. No, I’m not going to push any products on you. It’s just that if you produce too many facial oils, your pores are more likely to become blocked and get acne. But the pro is that you don’t appear to age as quickly. That’s just what I need. I only just started taking male lead roles in the past two years. I really hope I can film a few more. LYN: There were some people trying to advise me, “LYN, can you stop playing male lead roles? We can accept you playing second male lead, but not main.” I can’t make that promise. Because... I have oily skin. I want to make the most of it and shoot a few more male lead dramas while I can. Is that okay? Please, I’m begging you. Stop trying to talk me out of it. I can’t promise you on this, but maybe on other things. Like that person earlier who said that I had too many buttons- I promised them that next time I would wear a shirt with a zipper. But on not playing the male lead, I can’t promise. I’m sorry. I’m the type of person who can understand and consider everyone’s feelings, but your feelings are... not feelings but gutsy demands. [t/n: this is a play on words.] I can’t promise you.

LYN: I really did see a comment like that, though. “LYN, can you stop playing male leads? I can accept second male lead but not main. I can’t stand it. I’m throwing up.” /laughs/ When I see comments like that, friends, it makes me happy. Do you know why? This is the mindset and logic you should have in order to keep living. LYN: At the very beginning when I wanted to be a singer, people were telling me, “You’re just internet famous, what makes you think you can be a singer? What do you think you’re doing on stage competing with other singers? You’re just internet famous- go back to your streaming room.” After a few years, I’ve finally made it as a singer- something people acknowledge me as, and now I’ve gone into acting. People said, “Why are you acting? You’re just a singer- just do your jobs and sing your songs. You don’t know your limits. What are you doing trying to be an actor? Other people have studied for so many years at a performing arts school and can’t find a role. What are you, a singer, doing acting? That’s ridiculous. Just because you have some fans doesn’t mean you can be an actor.” Some time passes again. “Why are you acting as the male lead? Just stay the second male lead!” LYN: You know? Unreasonably, they are- step by step- continuing to acknowledge me. So the fact that they have already accepted me as an actor makes me very happy. LYN: No matter what industry you’re working in, you have to have a good mindset. You have to consider things from all sorts of points of view. You can’t make trouble. If you live thinking, “Why are they saying this about me? I only want to be a singer... /cries/” It won’t help you. No one will pity you. Friends, you have to learn this in your lives as well. Don’t complain. You can, but not all the time. There’s no use. Complaining all the time will only degrade you. You have to think about making a place for yourself. You have to use your brain. Make your words powerful. Move forward. Alright? - C: /tries to make a joke on the word “complain” (bào yuàn)/ LYN: You don’t perhaps think that you’re very funny, do you? I hope not.

- - - - - - - - - -

C: We’re listening to music now. LYN: Yeah. I’m your music DJ, Modern Brothers Xiao Ning.

C: How long will you stream until? LYN: I don’t know. I’ll just keep streaming and stop when I’m tired. I’ll continue to stream for now. My stream doesn’t really have specific content or fixed rules that state I have to promote something. But, I do want to recommend something to you... hold on. LYN: ! Attention, attention! We have some good news! Tomorrow, Modern Brothers Liu Yuning’s song “The Remaining Life (余生)” will be online. This song is the ending theme from the drama “Gone with the Rain” (微雨燕双飞). The broadcasting station- everyone listen up- is Youku! This song will be online tomorrow- I hope that when it’s up you all can take a listen. Thank you! ! LYN: That wasn’t too much, was it? But it’s true that I sang the OST and they paid me for it... My main thing is price:product ratio. We deal in after-sales services, here. Tomorrow the very good drama Gone with the Rain will be airing- please watch it. Back from the Brink is also still airing. If you haven’t checked that out yet, please do. 

C: Promote all of your OSTs that way in the future. LYN: I’ve always promoted them this way. You must be new here. If you want to be able to get along with people in this industry, you have to know where you can fit into the ecosystem. For me, I am good with after-sales services. All of you are consumers. You might be looking for me to sing an OST, a platform, or brand. All of them are consumers. To a consumer, what is the most important aspect of a product? The first is good quality. The second is having something you can really make use of. The last is everything that comes after- the maintenance and upkeep. The after-sales services. As long as the after-sales is done right, and customer service is done right, you will always have good business. Remember that. C: Ning-ge, you’re a 4S shop now? LYN: I’m an OST shop. Mine is different from a $s shop- as long as you maintain upkeep everything is fine. But OSTs are a single-use thing. They don’t need upkeep. The OST doesn’t come back to me to change its engine oil or brakes. I don’t need to so anything after. It’s a single-use product that you can have for a lifetime. In terms of quality, it’s a treasure. I will definitely sing it to the best of my ability- as long as I can, I will but 110% into singing it. Secondly it’s single use, but it’s not as if you can keep listening to the song and then later think that it’s no good. I want to deliver a good price:product ratio, and you never have to worry about after-sales services here.  LYN: My after-sales does not only include promotion of the song and drama during my streams, but also when I attend galas. That is, it’s entirely possible that this song will come up again during my performances. It will be repeatedly broadcast to everyone. This way, we can keep reminding people of the drama. Give them something to remember the drama by. That’s my price:product ratio.

C: How much is it to advertise? LYN: It’s free for the consumer. All after-sales is on my own dime. There’s not much expense that goes into it, I just spend a little more time talking. Honestly, it’s just money for toothpaste and toothbrush. XD Other than that, there are no other expenses. I don’t collect more fees.

C: What are your rates? LYN: I get paid for OSTs like this, friends. It’s calculated by- what’s it to you?? You’re inquiring about my worth, now? How amusing. LYN: I hate these types of people! The ones who don’t buy anything, but ask about the price first! How annoying! // If you’re not going to buy anything, don’t ask! If you’re going to buy something then just buy it. If you’re not, then why are you asking??  LYN: XD I don’t know why, suddenly I went crazy. But anyway, don’t ask- that’s a business secret, I can’t just tell you. But as to whether it’s expensive or not... I can only tell you, it’s not cheap. :)

C: A business secret? LYN: It’s not a secret. It’s just that my group and I have been working for such a long time together, plus the fact that I’m my own boss. For a lot of things, I don’t need to follow a set business practice. I’m not doing things to further my company- like accepting jobs in order to pay my employees. I haven’t reached that point because I don’t have many employees to begin with. It’s mostly just me- and I can do a lot of things at once. Like promotions- I can do 30% of the work on my own. That means I can afford to hire one person less, right? This applies to other parts of the business as well. We don’t need to accept any jobs I don’t want to in order to further development.  LYN: When I get OSTs, it goes through this process: 1. What drama is it for?, 2. What platform is it airing on?, 3. I’ll listen to the demo. Of course, the song is always the most important but I have to understand the project first. If I like the song, I’ll accept. If I don’t like it, it doesn’t matter how much they offer. It has nothing to do with the money- if I don’t like it, I just won’t accept the job. The first step is never to ask about the price. I’ve encountered companies that started off like that, but I felt that approach is very... I don’t want to comment. For the most part, people usually do not ask about the price from the start. Usually it’s introducing the project and sending a song demo. If you like it, we’ll negotiate the price. If I don’t want to accept the job in the first place, there’s no point in asking how much they can offer me.

C: They’re afraid they can’t afford you. LYN: The investment in making a drama is very huge. At the least it’s tens of millions and at the most it’s a couple billion. They’re not lacking the funds. It’s not as if a single song will break the bank.

C: Then, do you have a discount for OSTs on 6/18? LYN: Do you need a discount for my OSTs? Oh my goodness... Okay, let’s do this. There might be some video production bosses in my stream now. I have a discount on OSTs on 6/18. If you buy 300RMB’s worth, you’ll get 20RMB off. Alright? If you want OSTs, please place your orders on 6/18.  C: The second song half off. LYN: No, that’s not worth it. Each song is its own price. C: Buy 300RMB for 20% off. Can the discounts stack?  LYN: So you mean, if a song were 600RMB instead of 300RMB? If it’s 300, you get 20 off, so if a song were 600, you’d get 40RMB off? Is that what you mean? You can do that. It stacks. 

C: Ning-ge, don’t say any more. If you keep on, you’ll be at a loss. LYN: This friend is considering it from my point of view. That if I let the discount stack, then I would lose out. They’re looking out for me and letting me know I would lose profit, right? LYN: ~ Actually when I hear you say that, I’m touched. I think this friend is a really honest person. In such a chaotic world, you really need to cherish when you meet such a person. Even if I make good on my word and let you take 20RMB off of 300RMB on my OSTs, have you ever encountered such a sale in the real world... but the caveat is that they raised the original price? Then, in fact, though they are selling very many- it’s at even more expensive prices than usual, disguised as a sale. Of course, I wouldn’t do that to you. ~

- - - - - - - - - -

-- break #2 (no excuse, he just needs to use the restroom) LYN: You’re still commenting on this “spitting pies” effect, so I’ll change it for you. I have a “ghost story” effect, do you want to see it? :) LYN: But there are a lot of women in my stream, I’m afraid that they will be scared. If I put on this effect they might get so frightened they will cry. It needs to be paired with music so that you can feel the chill. Let’s play this. It’s not very frightening, don’t be scared. LYN:  It’s not as scary as you think! If it’s too scary my weibo will be in violation. I’m an old streamer already, I understand this much better than you do. It can’t be too scary- no blood or jump-scares here. The “scary” I’m talking about is not the “scary” that you are thinking of. I was just exaggerating. You need only believe 20% of what I say. LYN: Alright. Three, two, one- - /error/ LYN: It’s not supported? Why is it telling me that?? Huh? What’s happening? LYN: Oh, well. It’s not supported. This is a flop. // ?? But I tested it out today and it was working?? /clicking around/ Oh, it’s this one. It’s not scary, though.

LYN: It wasn’t scary. C: What was that? Failing eyesight? // That was it? LYN: Friends, if you’re going to be like that then I’ll do a super scary one! I’ll make you cry in fright!! Friends, I’ll show you what is truly “terrifying”! Let’s do it, I’ll play a quieter song, otherwise the mood will be wrong. Friends. Three, two- I’ll let you see the scariest thing in the world! THree, two, one! - /error/ LYN: ?! “The special effect is unsupported.” /feeling stifled/ Okay, I found one equally as scary. Let’s try again. Three, two, one!

LYN: Sorry, it flopped. The stream doesn’t support the effect. Because this is on a horizontal screen. Next time if I’m streaming vertically, I’ll show you the terror.  LYN: There are a lot of different ones I can use, though. /shows them off/

LYN: /laughs/ What IS THIS??? This one really IS terrifying. Oh my goodness...

- - - - - - - - - -

- /someone tells him he's trending, still. but only in the entertainment tab. he thanks everyone for the trending topic anyway./  LYN: I was wondering what you were talking about- I almost threw my phone. [t/n: bc they told him he was trending, but he couldn’t find it on the main page. XD]

LYN: I feel like my face is very bright. Maybe this is TOO MUCH oil. Let me find some blotting paper. This is too much. I know we were talking about oily skin types earlier but this is too much- I look greasy. LYN: Is it better now? Not as greasy? C: Ning-ge, that’s called dewy skin. LYN: No, it’s just grease. That’s how you can tell a household is wealthy. I remember a story I was told when I was little. There was someone very poor, who wanted to pass themselves off as wealthy. They would take a piece of pork lard and rub it on their face before they went out. When they went out, they could say that they had just eaten. It would make it seem as if the household was wealthy enough to eat meat. I am like that, too.

C: You haven’t changed the special effect. LYN: It’s alright. This one is plenty scary enough.

C: Ning-ge, you’ve played this song so much I know how to sing it. LYN: Come here and sing it, then. Sing. Come on, sing! I thought you knew how?? I gave you the mic, but you can’t sing it, huh. C: Connect the mic. LYN: Er... /shaky sigh/ Connecting the mic... uh... The thing is weibo streaming is not as complete on desktop. If I were streaming from my phone, we could connect- it has that capability- but the desktop doesn’t. If one day I stream from my phone, I’ll spend that whole day connecting the mic with you all. We’ll chat. We can give it a try.

C: Is that a pie, too? LYN: It’s not a pie! It’s just because when I was connecting with people before, they didn’t want to. I didn’t see the harm in it, I just wanted to get some interaction, to play. I wanted to be different from others. We can chat and communicate, because I see people connecting mics often. It’s an effect of streaming and a mood maker. There’s no reason why we can’t. But the prerequisite is that I have to connect with a “normal” person. Otherwise, it’s quite fun. Even if you aren’t my fan, you can come chat with me. It’ll make the stream more meaningful. If I happen to accidentally connect with an anti, like the type who want to curse me out- no, not those- like the kind who wants to back-talk me. I really hope I can meet someone like that. We can chat. I want to see if I can win over them, and make them my fan. LYN: I’m someone who’s really good at arguing. /laughs/ Back when I was working in the restaurant if colleagues were fighting or talking about some logic, I was amazing. It was like a debate- I could lay out all the logic for them. But it’s been many years since I last dared to fight with someone. I want to test if I am still able to. Of course, not the type of fighting by cursing, but teaching you a lesson within the realm of reason.

C: Have your skills regressed? LYN: I think they have. Because at this point a lot of things don’t matter anymore- it doesn’t matter if I win or lose. Not to say that it’s not important... it’s very unimportant. If it doesn’t concern me directly, I don’t see the need to make it a focus for my attention. There’s no meaning in that. Sometimes I might mention a topic in passing during my stream- and that’s only because they became a topic of conversation. Otherwise what else would I talk to you about? You can say that I look young. I say thank you. Then what else? LYN: I’ll talk about a lot of things during my streams, but not because I care about them- though there ARE the ones I DO care about... It’s just because they become a topic for conversation. I can turn them into jokes and tell you about them during my stream. You find it interesting, and we can have a common ground.

C: Ge, you’re trending. LYN: Someone already told me. Entertainment, #31. It’s alright. Let’s be low-key. You don’t need to promote it. Being #31 on the Entertainment Tab means that people can get jealous. (sarcasm)

LYN: Let me go grab something to drink. I left earlier and saw someone say, “I can see the princess chair again!” LYN: I’m back. I told you before, this is part of a set of chairs at the dinner table and I grabbed this one to sit on. This is a rented house, so this is all the original furniture.

LYN: Drinking coffee at this time of night is okay, right? C: You’re not going to be able to sleep. LYN: No, it’s because when you talk too much there’s too much information and it jumbles my thinking. Drinking coffee will help me focus. You’ll notice that many people do their work in a coffee shop. Did you think that they had no place else to work? There is that possibility, of course. But it’s more because the coffee can help them focus. I have to stream, so I need to focus. C: It doesn’t look like coffee though? LYN: What does it look like then, herbal medicine? I don’t have enough energy to stream, so I need to drink herbal medicine to supplement my stamina? Shan yao, dang gui, and goji?

C: Ning-ge, are your glasses magnifying? LYN: /sigh/ Do you mean to say that my eyes are so small that I’ve purposely replaced the lenses with something that will magnify and make my eyes look bigger, as a sort of physical beauty filter? To make my eyes look bigger? Is that what you mean? I can make my eyes big- they’re not always small. /opens his eyes wider/ Are they small? No. LYN: I’ve worn these glasses today to go with the rest of my outfit. It’s not because I’ve replaced them with magnifying lenses to make my eyes look bigger. That’s hurtful. You’ve hurt me. :( LYN: See, who ISN’T cyber-bullied? I was just streaming, doing nothing- not trying to sell you anything or take your money- and I’ve still been cyber-bullied. They made fun of me and said my eyes are small. Friends, cyber-bullying is a real and scary thing. I’m not kidding. LYN: ! You’re laughing?? It makes me want to sing a song... “You’ve hurt me and played it off with a laugh.” I told you it hurt me, and you’re laughing?? -- 一笑而过 (Laugh it Off) [Na Ying] C: Sing it. LYN: I want to sing something different. I want to sing something more tender. Something that can promote love. Promote positive feelings. Let’s do it.

C: Ning-ge, what is the correct way to address cyber-bullying? LYN: For this, you should go baidu it. I can’t give you a proper answer. Everyone faces it differently. I don’t have the correct answer, but I still think you need to become stronger. If you become stronger, you won’t consider it as bullying. Let’s say you’re learning martial arts and are at the top of the game and someone punches you- you’ll think nothing of it. But if you are someone who does not work out at all and someone punches you- you’re going to get knocked out. But these punches carry the same amount of force. I can’t give you a correct answer, because this depends from person to person. The only thing I can tell you is to make your heart/mind stronger. For all else, abide by the law.

-- 這世界那麼多人 (Empty World) [Karen Mok] C: So gentle you don’t seem like yourself. LYN: Do you know why I was so gentle? Because this song is in the female key. So I could only sing it an octave lower. I can’t not be gentle. If I weren’t then I wouldn’t be able to sing the song. LYN: “So gentle you don’t seem like yourself”... so does that mean that usually in your eyes I am very... callous? No, right? I still LOOK upstanding though, right?

LYN: I used to listen to very loud or noisy songs. But lately I feel I enjoy listening to slow songs more. I imagine I have a glass of red wine, just sitting there listening to slow songs. I can’t say I’m emo, but I am in a very comfortable state. That’s a different way to relax. C: That means you’ve gotten older. LYN: /laughs/ I like listening to slow and gentle songs and that means I’m getting older?? What are you talking about? The songs I’m talking about are MBY’s. Not only have you offended me, you’ve offended everyone who listen to his songs. Let me sing one of his. I didn’t go to his concert for nothing; I came back having learned a song. LYN: What does “No lyrics yet” mean??? MBY, as a singer, is popular enough (to have lyrics) isn’t he? What else do you want?? How can you tell me you don’t have the lyrics? // It’s because I’ve selected the arrangement and since that’s the case the program can’t find the lyrics.  LYN: tsk. /sigh/ Fine, I'll find the lyrics on my phone. C: Ning-ge, didn’t you say you learned it? LYN: That doesn’t mean I have to REMEMBER THE LYRICS, though?? What I meant by “learned” is that I learned the melody. I learned the melody, not how to recite the song. LYN: The lyrics: “Every morning I wake up naturally at 7:30a. The wind chimes are ringing and the clouds are light.” He wrote his own lyrics, too. How well written! -- 平凡的一天 (Ordinary Day) [Mao Buyi] LYN: It’s not because I’m getting old. Just sometimes I think that a nice and quiet song is good to listen to. Of course, I still like those noisy and loud songs. They just give a different feeling. 

C: Sing one of Xue Zhiqian’s. LYN: Do I have to sing a song from all the popular male artists now? XZQ... I really don’t know his newer songs... /ning-ge.jpg/ Also all of his songs are very difficult to sing. I’m afraid to insult his works. Let me search. I’ll sing something for fun. Everything I sing during my streams are for fun. -- 我好像在哪見過你 (I Seem to Have Seen You Somewhere) [Xue Zhiqian] LYN: /shakes his head, no/ I don’t know this one. I’ve heard it before, though. It’s been such a long time since I last sang one of his songs. I used to all the time. I really like him. But it’s been a long time... Let me find an old song that I still remember. -- 方圆几里 (Within a Few Miles) LYN: I think I can do this one. C: 刚刚好 (Just Right) LYN: Let me listen. I used to be able to sing this, but I’ve forgotten now... // I know this one. I’ll sing it. -- 刚刚好 (Just Right) (Take 1) - /sings the first couple of lines/ LYN: Oh, this song! I was bragging to you earlier that I had improved, but I actually forgot a song I used to know before! Excuse me. I’ve sung this before, on a show. Let’s try that again. -- 刚刚好 (Just Right) (Take 2) LYN: It’s been such a long time since I sang this song. I suddenly remembered that I’ve sung it before. So... oh. But it’s already been 5 years since then. Thank you, XZQ-laoshi.

C: I’m dizzy now because of your swaying. LYN: If you’re going to say that, then I have no choice but to turn your words back on you. You’re getting old. What if one day we meet up at an amusement park. If you’re already dizzy after this bit of swaying, then you won’t be able to enjoy any rides with me. Your ticket will go to waste.

LYN: Now let’s find one of Zhou Shen-laoshi’s songs. I said in a stream before, that I would never sing one of ZS or Wu Qingfeng’s songs again. Their songs, to me, have it out for my life. I really can’t sing them. We don’t sing the same type of songs. I really can’t do it. But today, I want to give it a try. Friends, wait for me. I’ll go to the restroom and come back and then find a song to fight for my life with. I’ll find a very high song and lower it an octave to sing. - /singing Big Fish, but kinda scarily XD/ LYN: He’s singing about big fish in the ocean, but we’re talking about fish in the deep sea. He’s on top of the water, but I’m on the ocean floor. Where there are lantern fish. Deep pressure.

LYN: Let me play a video for you. I think I’m running out. I don’t have any new ones to play for you. Later I’ll download some more. Make do for now. Wait for me. -- break #3

- - - - - - - - - -

LYN: Alright, I’m back. C: Sing one of WQF’s.  LYN: Later I’ll pick one to try. Of course, I did see the comment telling me to sing my own songs. I’ll sing them, but I’m sure that my fans always hear my songs and are used to them. The other thing is, I just sing for fun in my streams. I’m not here to show off myself. I’m not here trying to gain OST work by showing you what I’ve got. My stream is here for company. I want to sing, play, and chat with you. That’s all there is to it. You don’t need to make it too complicated. No matter whose songs I sing, it’s a show of respect, right? It proves that I listen to and like their songs. Right? I’m paying my respects. The original will always be yyds, of course. So.. this is just for entertainment. LYN: Keep me company. It’s a... Tuesday night. We can play and have some fun. Let me find one of ZS’s songs... I’ll see if it has a track. -- 光亮 (Silver Lining) LYN: /misses the timing to start/ Is it really in such a high key?? This is too high, isn’t it? I was listening to the beginning chords and going over the key in my head. It’s already... up high. // Let me try lowering it an octave.  LYN: ... LYN: How about this- for the places I CAN sing in the normal key, I will. Once it gets too high I’ll switch to a lower octave. This is one method... Let’s try. -- 光亮 (Silver Lining)

C: WQF-laoshi. LYN: I’m honestly a little afraid.

C: Then, Zhang Jie-laoshi’s. LYN: All of his songs pretty such send me to the grave. His high notes are really so high. High notes are not my main thing. My main thing is the /starts singing the more rock-genre ‘爷们要战斗 (Men Fight)’/ Me and high notes go in opposite directions. LYN: 最美的太阳 (Most Beautiful Sun). Let me try it. // There’s no track for it. In this case... his copyrights are tight. C: 天下 (The World) LYN: Didn’t I sing that last time and my voice cracked? I can’t do it all. Remember, it went to my head? Someone had requested it the last time and, not knowing my limits, I tried. It got me worked up. I’ll try it. I’ll sing you a part of it. When it gets too much, I’ll stop. -- 天下 (The World) /stops right before the chorus/ C: Keep going! LYN: Uh.. it seems like you’re cheering me on. I just felt a sliver of support, then. LYN: Friends, there’s a saying that goes “见好就收” (quit while you’re ahead). People can’t be too greedy. If you continue... C: Lower it an octave. LYN: /laughs/ - /picks it up at the chorus; he did it!/ LYN: It goes straight to my head. I got worked up again. C: It’s okay. You can do it. LYN: Honestly, I CAN sing this song now. I just didn’t do it well, because I wanted to show you a comedy. Someone just cheered me on, again. Let me see if I can push through and get this song finished. - /finishes it up/ LYN: I did my best.

LYN: Men- we always try to look tough. But we all know who’s really suffering, don’t we?

C: Sing it through from the start. LYN: I really can’t stand when people cheer me on. If you’re going to be like that, then I’m going to stop streaming. I’m going to sleep. Stop provoking me.

C: Can you see the comments clearly? LYN: I can. Do you think I’ve sung so much that I’m lacking oxygen and can’t see clearly? No, I’m fine.

C: Ning-ge, 左手指月 (Upwards to The Moon). LYN: HAHAHAHAHA. Upwards to the Moon? Um.. .why don’t I just take my head off and give it to you? You’re asking for my life here, aren’t you? I’ll just give it to you. Is that not enough?? My head is yours. Upwards to the Moon... C: Ning-ge, let’s do an octave lower. LYN: You saw right through me. -- 左手指月 (Upwards to The Moon) LYN: Friends, here’s an interesting thing. I can’t even sing it with it lowered an octave. I can’t even sing it on a lower octave. Think about the concept of that. Let me try again. If nothing else, I’ll go all out. - /tries again/ LYN: This song hurts. Singing this song makes me feel like I hurt a lot. It’s not a physical pain, but a mental pain. Ahhh~~! Just these few words- you feel an inexplicable pain. LYN: Very painful. Excruciating pain. LYN: Alright, it;s not worth it. Let’s forget it. C: Bro, forget it. LYN: Are you calling me out?! LYN: I really don’t need to do this to myself. It’s enough already.

C: Ning-ge, you still have to record for your album tomorrow. LYN: Tomorrow... I’m not recording for my album. I have other work, tomorrow.

C: A Mayday song. LYN: Let me see if there’s a track. -- 夜訪吸血鬼 (Interview with the Vampire) LYN: This accompaniment is too noisy. :| But I really like this song. - /thinks of a different song/ -- 你不是真正的快樂 (You Are Not Truly Happy) LYN: I don’t really know it. So... I’ll stop singing it. C: Watching you sing this makes me really happy. LYN: I am very happy, but You Are Not Truly Happy.

LYN: I see you spamming “十年人间” (Shi Nian Ren Jian/DMBJ), but I really don’t know how to sing that song. I’ve heard it, but I don’t know how to sing it. Maybe if there’s a chance the next time I’ll sing it, then.

C: 黑夜一束光 (Praying) LYN: I won’t sing it now because I’ll have a performance in a few days that I’ll be singing it at. In order to leave you with some sense of “freshness”, I’ll save it for my performance. LYN: I’ve gone through all my songs and none of them really have that bright/positive feeling. I’ve mostly sung OSTs, so the majority are emotional songs. Those songs aren’t suitable to sing for particular occasions. I wouldn’t sing “你說愛情啊 (You Say Love)” at a school. Would I be encouraging them to start dating?? That’s not very uplifting. I’ll go to a school and sing 余生只想握紧你的手 (I Want to Hold Your Hand for the Rest of My Life)?? LYN: 意气趁年少 (Be Earnest While You’re Young) will work. It’s more positive, because it centers around learning. There’s a youthful feel, too. -- 意气趁年少 (Be Earnest While You’re Young)

C: Sing 初升 (Rising). LYN: I really haven’t sung this one before. Let me see if there’s a track. // There isn’t. /searches again/ There is. I’ve never sung it live before. Let me give it a try. If I crack then it does not represent my real ability- because this is my own song. -- 初升 (Rising) [Gen Z OST] C: You’ve crushed the original singer. LYN: Em, that’s overpraise. I AM the original singer. This is the theme song for the drama Gen Z. It’s a character song, and my first time singing it live.

- - - - - - - - - -

C: 云字诀 (Yun Zi Jue). LYN: I might not be able to sing it in my current condition. /searches for the track/ I can sing you MXT’s version? Oh, it’s the same version. Then, I’ll sing it. -- 云字诀 (Yun Zi Jue) [The Ingenious One OST] - /messes it up. starts over with the excuse he didn’t turn on the special sound effects/ LYN: Later I need to find someone to get these pictures on Kugou Music changed. What IS THIS??

LYN: I’ve already done Thermage treatment and don’t look like this anymore. ^

LYN: Change this picture out. What the heck. Look at these beady and small eyes and eyeliner. I can’t stand it. ^

LYN: This one’s okay. It looks like this fellow is emo. He’s a little depressed. Look at his eyes, full of gloom. His face is chubby, too. ^

LYN: Look at this. This is worse. Look at how big this face is. Oh, my goodness. He looks so bloated. Is your name “Liu Fu Zhong”?? Look at this face. ^

LYN: This one is okay. This one is good. He’s got a good jawline. This one doesn’t look as bad. It’s good. ^

LYN: This is from my concert three years ago. I’m waiting for the audience, looking worried that I won’t have many fans in attendance. ^

 LYN: This one was taken in the early days, when I was in a better condition. We took a whole set of “business” photos. ^

LYN: Look at this one. This one doesn’t want to live anymore. Pretending to be depressed, using his hand to hold up his head. In reality, the head is empty. Look at this guy- head empty. ^

LYN: This one is okay. It’s more recent. I look a little more lively, at least. You can see just a little bit of handsomeness on this face.  ^

LYN: This is also more recent. But at that time I was a little chubby. Look at this big face. It’s even this big AFTER the picture was shopped. Think about what it would look like if it weren’t?? ^

LYN: THIS you can say was when I was at my peak visuals. I took this photo as part of a set for a magazine; there was also a video. This was probably the peak of my visuals. I took these when The Long Ballad was airing. ^

LYN: This is okay. Also more recent. Golden-haired. The Disney look. It was pretty lively. ^ 

LYN: There’s no problem with this one. I think it’s okay. This was a while ago. You can see- his eyes are different. There’s something there. ^

LYN: This one’s a fool. /laughs/ Look at this fool. Look at these eyes. They sure are open wide. Open but soulless. This guy doesn’t have a clue what’s going on. ^

LYN: This is- kind/a little foolish with a side of wandering. He looks youthful, with hopes for the future. ^

LYN: This one is.. more mature. This was taken for the Jiangsu New Year’s event. You can say I was a mature artist by then. I do have eyeliner here, but not as “deadening”. ^

LYN: This one is.. pretending to be young. This should have been for the New Year.. otherwise I wouldn’t be wearing red. But I did look more refined. ^

LYN: This one... has some after-editing. Why do these just keep scrolling? This one is quite nice, though. Curly hair. Hong Kong-style. (?) ^

LYN: This one... he has a stick! Pretending to be Sun Wukong, or what?? At this point, he already has the eyes of an actor. They’re not like the one before, with nothing in them. ^

LYN: This is... over-edited. It’s.. too much. ^

LYN: This one was not too long ago! I look a little... chubbier, here. Look at this baozi-face. ^ LYN: Oh, we came back around. This is the worst one (the first one). LYN: Alright. LYN: /sigh/ LYN: Let’s sing a song. It’s called 云字诀 (Yun Zi Jue). -- 云字诀 (Yun Zi Jue) [The Ingenious One OST] [The Ingenious One OST] LYN: Thanks, everyone. This song is quite nice. I pretty much liked it after my first listen.

- - - - - - - - - -

C: I want to hear a Cantonese song. LYN: Don’t rush. Ehm... hold on a minute. Let me go grab something more to drink. I’ll sing for you after I come back. I’m running out of videos to show you, though. Because honestly this stream is running a bit long. I don’t have enough. You can watch it again. Wait for me while I get some water.  -- break #3.5 LYN: I’m back. Hold on, hold on. Let me find a song... (Stay with Me)

C: Where’s Daimi? LYN: She’s sleeping, don’t disturb her. She doesn’t have any schedule today. Let’s not disturb her. Let her sleep. Later, when she wakes up, I’ll call her over.

C: Did you see the ZY wrap trailer? LYN: What are you talking about? Of course I saw it. I acted in it, would I not go watch it? I’ve seen all the trailers for things I’ve acted in. It’s nice. I think in a few days there’ll be... no, never mind. I was just going to say there would be more content out in a short while. It’s a drama we spent several months working on, so I hope you can take a look when it comes out. LYN: Of course, YNGS as well- you have to watch. - /recites his lines from the trailer/ LYN: I remember it, because I only have so many. C: I support Ning Yuanzhou being abducted by aliens in the end. LYN: Have to taken a peek at the script? I admit it- at the end NYZ is taken away by aliens. The ending is a big suspense. He’s fighting with someone and in the very end, when it looks like he is about to win, a flash of light crosses the sky. A UFO appears and takes NYZ away. Why does it end like this? In preparation for a second season. The first part is called “Yi Nian Guan Shan”; the second part is called “Yi Nian Kai He”. Close (Guan) to Open (Kai). Mountain (Shan) to River (He). In the second season called YNKH- the UFO comes back in the first episode. NYZ has amnesia.  C: “Er Nian Guan Shan” is easier to remember. C: “Yi Nian Guan Si”. LYN: What is that?? If the first part is called “Yi Nian Guan Shan”, then the second should be “Er Nian Guan Shan.” The third part is “San Nian Guan Shan”. If we make it all the way to season 11, would it be called “Shi Yi Nian Guan Shan”? LYN: We should call it “Yi Nian Guan Qi” (Guan Qi, the character from SYXSSYX, who was “abducted by aliens”). C: Negotiating more scenes for yourself in a second season? LYN: No- our screenwriter is Zhang Wei-laoshi. She likes to use people’s names, and she has her own “Zhang Wei Universe.” I don’t mean any disrespect. It’s just that a lot of her male characters across stories have a connection to each other. The detailed people will have found out. If you watch her dramas you’ll find that some names appear across the universes. For example our drama will mention the name of a character in a different one of her dramas. What was the name of the male lead in A Dream of Splendor? I think it was Gu Qianfan, right? In this drama, my name is Yuanzhou. Qianfan and Yuanzhou- don’t you think there has to be some relation there? [t/n: part of a common saying] LYN: We’re all part of Zhang Wei-laoshi’s written universe. It’s possible that when she writes a script in the future, there will be a character called Ning Yuanzhou in it. The other day she posted something to her friend circle- I think it might have been at the wrap party and she complimented me! I forgot exactly what she said, at the time I had a bit to drink. But I promised her that if he character Ning Yuanzhou ever showed up in another one of her works, I wouldn’t just let it be a name on a page- I would come to act for her. I would cameo for her, as long as she continues to write and write about NYZ. - /fan makes a side comment asking about how much he drank.how many dishes he has to eat/ LYN: So, friends. Don’t think that I am being unfair only to you. Because I don’t exclusively makes “pies” for you, either. I have nothing against you, that I make “empty promises”. Don’t assume that just because ZW-laoshi is a very amazing screenwriter that I won’t make “pies” for her, too. No- all are treated equal. // After this story, do you feel more at ease? I’m not only like this to you. I make pies for other laoshis to eat, too. XD LYN: But if she ever comes to look for me, I really do have to go. How could I not?? But... I’ll probably have something else going on when that time comes. I might have something else to do... but it’s not for sure! If she asks me, I have to make the time. I have to make good on my promise.

C: You drank four cans already. LYN: It’s not four. I probably have more... Oh. It is four! You got me. Four, and a can of coffee.  LYN: Why are you keeping track of how many cans I’m drinking?? Are you going to take these to recycle? Should I mail them to you? C: You’ll get water swollen. LYN: What are you talking about? It’s a food thing to drink plenty of water. I don’t care about being bloated; I’m not going to be on camera tomorrow anyway. It’s fine. C: Give me the cans. I’ll sell them for money. LYN: Okay. Pay the postage yourself. I’ll send you these four cans, but pay the postage. C: The sugar content is high. LYN: No- this is just carbonated water. There’s no sugar/flavor. It’s just water.

C: The rising star of 2023- is that you? LYN: What an interesting question. I don’t get what you mean. From your language, I hear a story. That is, one day, you were surfing the internet when you inexplicably came across a fortune telling stream. The host posted an article that read, “In 2023, in this industry, there will be a rising star. A superstar will appear in the year of 2023.” They might have seen something like that, Am I right? Isn’t this story very complete? I extrapolated it out of just a few words. They probably saw someone post something like that. And then, in that moment, they thought that this prediction was describing me. They saw me streaming and they thought that they could see a purple aura from me. LYN: Look, I have lights here. So this friend thought, “Is it you?” Here’s the thing- I hope it is. If you ask me, of course I would hope its about me. Everyone wants to climb to the peak, right? But I’m guessing this “rising star” isn’t me. There are all sorts of highly skilled people are are just on the verge of popularity- why don’t you go ask them? It’s probably not me. You can go and ask them. I’m not- go ask someone else. LYN: I want to keep both feet on the ground, because I’m tall. If I climb too fast it might be too unstable. I’ll keep both feet on the floor- take it one step at a time to try one thing after another. I want to accumulate my viewers and their interests, and accumulate my own experience. That’s my path. Let’s not mess with any “rising stars.” LYN: Many stars pass in the blink of an eye. They’re shooting stars. So.. I don’t want to be a star. I’ll be... a little white rabbit. LYN: Now I want to gift you with a nice song. -- 感覺自己是巨星 (Think I’m a Superstar) [Mao Buyi] LYN: /to the tune of the song/ ~ Superstar, superstar we love you. Quickly, listen to us give you “rainbow farts” (excessive compliments). In our eyes, you’re the youngest. ~ LYN: So, friends. I would like to bear witness to exactly who this “rising star” is together with you. Who will it be? Let’s anticipate it! I’m also very curious! Let’s find out who it will be.

- - - - - - - - - -

- /Daimi barking/ LYN: Why are you being so mean? What do you have to be angry about? LYN: She’s awake. - /gives her the mic/ LYN: Weren’t you barking earlier? Come on, say something. Sing.

C: The rising star is Daimi. LYN: Are you talking about her? Let’s hope so. LYN: Once I said “rising star” she got angry- I mean- she woke up. I hope my female artist can be popular. 

- /Daimi, licking his arm/ LYN: Enough of that! She keeps licking me. -/Daimi tries to lick him again/ LYN: ! Do you want me to stop streaming? You’re trying to get me to stop, is that it? Okay, I understand. Sorry, friends. I need to stop streaming now because Daimi was pushing my hand away. She doesn’t want me to stream anymore. She doesn’t want me to stream- she’s about to eat my mouse. - /Daimi tries to lick his hand again/ LYN: Tsk. That’s enough...  - /makes her wave/

- /dancing/ - /promptly puts her on the floor/ LYN: /to Daimi/ Go play, go play. Don’t bother me. It’s time to work.

- - - - - - - - - -

C: Ning-ge, could you wish me well on my exam? LYN: Of course I can. I hope that tomorrow, or all of this week- everyone who is preparing to take the NCEE is in good spirits and can have a good result. Let’s amaze the world with one brilliant feat and reach for the stars. - /had said the proverb wrong, initially/ LYN: Excuse me. See- this is what an uncultured person will do. They’ll say the wrong thing. People who haven’t taken the NCEE will mis-read the phrasing. - /makes up for it by saying a bunch more (correctly)/

C: Ning-ge, could you bless me with passing the 16th level (?)? LYN: Am I a tortoise? Is my stream a wishing well? And I am the tortoise in that pond? You’ve come to me with your wishes? Then, why aren’t you throwing me any money? You should at least leave an offering, before making a wish. This is just... forceful wishing. What you’re doing is taking game money to throw into the pond, to trick me. LYN: I’m sure you’ll pass. Do well on the test! LYN: In order to become the “Rising Star of 2023″ like mentioned earlier, from now on I will change my name. I’ll be Liu Ziwei. Don’t call me Liu Yuning anymore. From now on I will be known as Liu Ziwei.

LYN: Friends, how many of you are watching my stream for the first time? How may of you are first-timers? If this is your first time watching or if you don’t watch often, you can subscribe to my weibo. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Here’s the thing with my streams- most of the time I’m speaking nonsense. Don’t take anything to heart and don’t fall for any tricks. If you take this too seriously then it becomes meaningless. That just proves that you are too innocent. Only believe about 20% of what I say here. Most of the time I will use an amusing or joking delivery to communicate with my fans and make the people who maybe don’t necessarily hate me stay a while. Just listen to my stream for entertainment. Don’t fall for what I say. Okay? I’m not capable of teaching you any lessons or opinions. Just listen for entertainment. C: Before you told us to believe 30% of what you said. How did it dwindle to only 20%? LYN: /sigh/ It used to be that I wasn’t very strict with what I said, so it ended up that people had a lot to hold against me. I was ridiculed for my words. Though it might not have been my intention, I was honestly too careless with what I said. So now my game plan is to say more nonsense and avoid more... sensitive topics. It’s fine as long as you are okay and I am okay, and everyone is happy. 

C: Will you sing a Cantonese song? LYN: I don’t know very many. Let me sing this for you. -- 无赖 (Rascal) [Ronald Cheng] LYN: Listen for entertainment. I’m a North-easterner, after all. My Cantonese is very poor. I know that. So.. it’s for fun. Someone earlier said “You’re Cantonese is skewing!” I don’t know what they meant by that, but probably that my pronunciation was off. It’s alright. 

LYN: Let me think... what other Cantonese songs do I know? What else do I know...? C: Once you start speaking the Dongbei dialect comes out. LYN: What else did you expect?

C: I’m a Cantonese person. I can say, it sounded very nice! LYN: You really are clever at speaking. “I’m a Cantonese person, I can say it sounded very nice... but it wasn’t accurate.”

C: First Love. LYN: Oh~ -- 初恋 (First Love)

C: I’m going to throw up. (bc of the video and swaying) LYN: Your age...? Forget about you- I’M a little nauseous. LYN: Is my stream over-trying to be cool? It’s slightly over. LYN: This is too eye-searing, yeah? Okay. Let’s stick with this effect for the... “middle-aged”.

LYN: I thought of a song just now. I REALLY really like it. -- 一生所爱 (Lifelong Love)  LYN: If there’s a chance later I’ll sing it properly for you. I don’t really have much strength left, today.

- /Daimi barks/ LYN: :| What are you barking at?

-- 倩女幽魂 (A Chinese Ghost Story)

LYN: That’s about it. It’s about time, friends. Thank you for keeping me company and for your support. I told you I would stream until you threw up. In terms of length, today’s stream didn’t let you down, did it? I accidentally saw a little earlier, how long I’ve streamed for. Right now it’s... four hours and thirty-five minutes. C: Don’t go! Don’t! LYN: I’ve been streaming for four and a half hours. That’s not a small amount. If i keep streaming /I’M/ going to throw up. You’re over there lying on your bed and snacking on melon seeds, but I’ve been over here yelling and singing, moving my mouth for four and a half hours! Now you’re telling me you don’t want me to go?? I’m going to throw up! I’m not streaming until you throw up, I’m streaming until /I/ feel like throwing up, now. Do you think you’re the only one who sees that violently shaking video and gets dizzy? I get dizzy too! I’m older in age- you all know that. C: You still turn it on, even though it makes you dizzy? LYN: I just wanted to give you the best experience in such a simple stream, didn’t I?? I didn’t want you to feel like I was just sitting in a room. I wanted to give you some stage effects, so that you can immerse yourself. I do this all so you can feel included- even this laugh sound. It’s all so you can immerse yourself in this room and the mood. Even though I’ve made myself nauseous- I still have to power through and stream for you. It’s all for the immersive experience, is that not enough??

LYN: It’s about time. If you still haven’t subscribed to my weibo, please do so. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. I thank you all for keeping me company and for watching my stream. Even if you’ve only been watching for thirty minutes or if you’ve been here from the start. I thank you. I hope to see you in the next one, alright? I hope you had a relaxing, wonderful, and happy night. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. See you next time! Goodnight, everyone!

[schizodiaries]

I’ve haven’t really opened up about this on this blog because it isn’t schizoaffective related. But I hope you all don’t mind that I vent a bit about this. In addition to mood and psychotic issues, I also struggle a lot with body image and poor eating habits. It’s apparently not severe enough to be considered an eating disorder, but it’s pretty heavily influenced by decades of diet mentality and internalized fatphobia.

(More under the cut, but I’m putting a content warning for mentions of weight and dieting, as well as potential disordered eating habits.)

I’m overweight. In fact, on my medical records, it says I’m obese according to my BMI. It wasn’t always that way. I used to be quite thin, maybe even underweight. But ever since the pandemic/lockdown, and ever since taking antipsychotics, my weight changed rapidly and dramatically.

I’m trying not to see this as a bad thing, but fatphobia is not easily unlearned especially if it’s been instilled at such a young age. Not only that, but because my weight change happened so suddenly, it came with some health issues. Prediabetes, for one, and some mobility issues too. Being at a heavier weight so suddenly has put so much strain on my legs, feet, and lower back, and walking up and down the stairs has become painful and a struggle for me. I can’t move around, turn my body, or bend over as easily as I used to, and it’s causing me a lot of stress physically and mentally.

Now for the social aspect. As we all know being fat is looked down upon in society. Especially in female bodies. I was already aware of the insanely fatphobic standards that women are often held to but I haven’t been on the receiving end of that until now. I have also gotten so many hurtful comments from family members and people close to me about my weight. The worst one I got was from an older, non English speaking relative who wouldn’t even call me fat to my face. She had to say it in her native tongue and direct it to my parents, while I was clearly in the room. What she doesn’t know is that though I don’t speak my family’s language, I can understand just enough to know when someone is saying “Jesus, she got fat!”

That encounter was the last straw for me. I knew at that point I needed to lose weight, by any means necessary. I put myself on countless diets, tried intermittent fasting, dusted off my fitness watch, forced myself to go on walks despite the pain, weighed myself multiple times a day, and started counting calories. At first, it worked, and I started to see some weight change. My mom commented that i was “getting my figure back.” I was being praised for all my work. But the process was slow. And it wasn’t enough, for anyone. Not my parents, not my doctor, not me.

I gained all the weight back and then some because my heavily restrictive eating habits came back to bite me in the ass and I was so hungry to the point of overeating to compensate for the lack of food. I got burnt out from exercise and became sedentary. My plan had failed, and I am now at my highest weight I’ve ever been. My doctor put me on Metformin, a medication typically prescribed to treat diabetes and PCOS. But it can also cause weight loss. My doctor strongly suggested i take the medicine, and even lamented my thinness on my behalf. In her words, “You used to be so skinny!” I am now at the highest dose of this medicine, which has given me gastrointestinal issues, and I still have not noticed a change in my weight.

I’m trying my best to keep a positive mindset about this. I’m trying to stay body positive, to love and accept my bigger body, and to embrace my change in weight as just another part of getting older. But it’s so difficult. My struggle to move my body like I used to, the nonstop comments I get from family members and healthcare professionals, the fact that I keep outgrowing every new clothing item I buy for myself and having to buy new ones every few months. It’s making me depressed, and angry.

I’ve reached out to my therapist already, who referred me to an eating disorder specialist who subsequently determined that I don’t have an eating disorder. They then referred me to a dietician, where I learned about consistent and balanced eating. I attended webinars about eating skills, body image, and rejecting the diet mentality. I’ve put in the effort to fix my relationship with food and body image. And I’ve certainly made a lot of progress in that regard. But I’m still fat. And the people in my life make it a point to remind me of that frequently.

Today I spoke to my mom about the pain in my lower body. She offered little to no sympathy, and told me to just lose weight and it will go away. She later sent me an Instagram reel about water fasting. I know she’s just trying to help, but i think this hurt more than it helped. The instagram reel I found to be particularly triggering, as now I am highly considering doing a water fast to lose weight.

The only person closest to me who hasn’t made any kind of negative comment about my heavier weight is my boyfriend. He has consistently been my biggest supporter throughout my weight journey. Except for when I relapse. Whenever he catches me restricting or starving or skipping meals, he expresses disappointment and accuses me of “giving up” and “not trying hard enough” to recover. Which is a huge slap in the face considering I’ve been putting so much effort into changing my relationship with food - seeing a dietitian every month, reaching out to an ED specialist, attending webinars about food and body positivity. But apparently, to him, if I relapse at any point, then all that effort would have been for nothing.

So I don’t know what to do anymore. If I try to accept and love my bigger body, my weight stays the same, and I’m bombarded with comments about my body. If I decide to do something about it and end up relapsing, I’m scolded by my boyfriend for “giving up” and “not trying hard enough.” If I reach out to doctors or family members about my weight they just tell me to lose it. But if I try to lose it, I fall back into unhealthy habits. I’m in a real damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation.

It’s hard for me to say what I really want to do without feeling like I’m promoting unhealthy habits. So I will just keep it to myself and hope that my efforts will have some results. Until then, I think I’m going to do things on my own terms and not listen to what any family member or medical professional has to say about my body and relationship with food. I’m going to do what I think feels right to me and my body. And I’ll do it by whatever means necessary.

[annihilate-this-week]

A scene I’m most likely cutting from the novel I’m editing.

I like it a lot, but my manuscript is over 150k words, and hey, kill your darlings. This doesn’t really advance the plot at all -- more in here so I can have two transfemme characters, one freshly out, one a few years into hormone therapy, talk about how transition works on a social level, and a bunch of other things I wanted to say.

I’ve done a fair amount of writing for this novel that turns out to be basically me making statements about life as a trans person -- especially life as a trans person after you get all the basics like hormone therapy and changing your legal identity taken care of, and ESPECIALLY if you’re a trans person who can barely keep your head above water financially (and maybe emotionally). I make them in dialogue form so that they aren’t so fucking clunky or whatever, but sometimes that takes up a lot of space. It’s fun to write, it’s maybe fun to read? But I can’t keep ‘em all or I’ll never get this thing published. So again, here’s something I probably can’t keep. I was working on editing it when I made the decision, so there are some track-changes artifacts in here, for which I apologize.

Putting it behind a cut in case you’d rather not be bothered.

Two hours later, she and Sam sat in a small cafe that was mostly full of hipster kids, withplus a smattering of older, traditional white Southern types mixed in. Tanya was feeling much better about how she looked after shaving, showering, and putting on makeup. She wore a black-and-white checkered skirt, a red White Stripes t-shirt, and cheap black tennis shoes. Across from her, Sam was had a more straightforward punk look, wearing black denim shorts and a black sleeveless t-shirt, the only hint of her femininity being the hint of a sports bra showing under her shirt. Tanya wondered if she'd had the chance to buy any clothes since transitioning.

She didn't have to ask. Sam started talking about it almost as soon as they sat down. "I love your outfit, by the way," she said. "I really want to be able to... I dunno, 'girl-ify' my fashion sense, but I have no idea where to begin."

Tanya shrugged. "I know a lot of crust girls who dress pretty much like you're dressed today," she said. "I think the question is whether you want to go for a more conventionally cute look. I try to do so while also remaining somewhat punk, but let's be real -- that gets lost a lot of the time. When I show up at a basement show in a frilly red dress, that might make a pretty strong impression on the punks, but when I walk down the street like that... Well, I guess in my frilly red dress, they think I'm goth, which is something. But still." She gestured at what she was wearing. "I look like an aging hipster dressed like this, which isn't nearly as punk as your vibe. But I think when I used to look more punk pre-transition, the main reason was because I didn't feelhavve any realistic hope to look any better than I did." SAfter a moment, she paused.said, "I hated how I looked."

"I know what you mean," Sam said. "I still kinda hate how I look. Wearing lipstick and makeup helps, but it's such a pain in the ass. And my clothes... I mean, I just decided a few weeks ago I was gonna transition fully. And now I'm stuck with all these boy-coded clothes."

"So you weren't like me? All collecting clothes in secret that you put on when no one was around?" Tanya grinned. "I was so ashamed and embarrassed of it at the time. Then when I started going out in women's clothes, people were like 'Where'd you get these outfits?' and I was like, 'I've been ordering stuff off the internet for years, y'all.'" 

Sam laughed. "Nah, can't say I ever did that. I think I was running from it all. I never really even started to face up to my gender issues until like... two years ago?"

"How old are you?" Tanya asked. Just then, a waiter showed up to take their drink orders. Neither of them had even looked at the menu. Tanya ordered a Diet Coke. Sam asked for a mimosa. Tanya nodded silently to herself.

"We're gonna need a few minutes to figure out what we want," she told the waiter. "Or at least, I am." The waiter walked away. As Tanya studied her menu, Sam set hers down at the empty chair to her right. Tanya figured she ate here regularly and knew what she wanted.

"I'm 23," Sam said. "All of us are. Me, Chris, and Tammy, that is. I think Ginger's a year or two older. She didn't go to school with us. I'm honestly not sure how Tammy met her."

"Maybe I'll ask," Tanya said. "Anyway, the reason I asked how old you are is to try and figure out how old you were when you really started questioning your gender identity."

"Yeah, I guess I was maybe 20," Sam said. "But it's like... when I was younger, I was trying to be a normal dude or whatever. I still liked girls, I looked like a normal male. I mean, I guess I did. I gotwas into punk starting when I was around 12 or so. I found Tammy and Chris in high school because of punk. We were like... the three kids our age who were into it."

"Are y'all from here in Mobile?" Tanya asked. She was pretty sure she was going to order the breakfast burrito. Which was predictable, in hindsight. She set her menu on top of Sam's.

"Yeah, I mean, the suburbs, but still, greater Mobile, for sure," Sam said. "But our school was full of shitkickers. Everybody out there's into like... Taylor Swift and Blake Shelton or whatever. It was so backwards that most kids didn't even like pop music, they liked country."

Tanya laughed. "I grew up in Nashville in the 80s and 90s," she said. "I know exactly what you're talking about."

Sam laughed too, then paused. "Wait, the 80s? How old are you?"

Tanya made a wry face. "I'm 39. Didn't start my transition til I was 35. Didn't get on hormones until I was 36."

"Whoa!" Sam looked shocked. "I would never have guessed you were that old. I mean, not that--"

"I know, I know." Tanya held up her hand. "It's not a bad thing, but it's weird. Believe me, I agree. I still don't know how I got past 25 at some point." She grinned. "I'd like to make a joke about how I only look this good because the spiro keeps me young, but..."

"Spiro?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. Spironolactone. The anti-androgen. You're on it, right?"

"Oh! Yeah, for the past day," she said, and laughed. "I took it before I came out to meet you. But I've never heard anyone use a nickname for it before. That threw me a little."

Tanya chuckled. "You're a babe in the woods!" she declared. "But seriously, I'm so excited for you to see what's coming."

"Me too," Sam said. "I'm really hoping it makes me a bit less hairy."

"It does!" Tanya said. "I thought I'd just have to shave huge portions of my body forever, but at this point I've lost 80% of my body hair. I thought that was all hype, but it's real."

"Oh thank god," Sam said, and at that point their waiter arrived to take their food orders. They both started self-consciously. 

"I'll have the breakfast burrito, with chicken, hash browns on the side," Tanya said. 

"Very good, ma'am. And for you, sir?" The waiter turned to Sam. She didn't react, but Tanya immediately slapped her hand to her forehead, and held it there. Seeing friends misgendered was the worst.

"I'll have the huevos rancheros, with avocado. Beans and rice on the side," Sam said. 

"Sounds good! I'll get these right in to the kitchen." With that, the waiter disappeared. Tanya, who'd been watching the interaction between her fingers, finally took her hand away from her face.

"Do you think he heard what we were talking about?" Sam stage-whispered to Tanya.

"No, but I know he misgendered you," Tanya said. "He was totally oblivious."

"Really?" Sam pulled back in surprise. "I didn't even notice! I wondered why you put your hand over your eyes."

"Yeah, that's why," Tanya said. "Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. That kind of thing always made me feel like I was gonna die."

"It sucks that I didn't notice, though," Sam said. "I need to get better about thinking of myself as a woman."

"That's an adjustment, for sure," Tanya said. "It took me about a year before I was a woman in my dreams on any kind of consistent basis."

Sam thought for a second. "I'm definitely still dreaming of myself as the confused non-binary person I spent the last year or so identifying as." She shrugged. "That's better than dreaming of myself as a man, though."

"Fuck yeah it is," said Tanya.

"So tell me about this tour you and Tammy are booking. What's the plan?"

Tanya shrugged. "A month or so. I guess I'll end back up in Nashville after. I haven't really planned all that out though. The real point is to get me away from places where I need a fixed address. At least for a little while."

"Wow. I don't think I've ever heard of that before." Sam grimaced. "It doesn't sound good."

"No, I suppose it's not. I'm going back on tour to avoid homelessness. That's a hell of a thing. But at the same time... I mean, there's not much left for me in Nashville. I have this long history there, but it's in a punk rock scene where I'm pretty much universally known as a guy. There are people who've completely turned on me since I came out. People I never knew were TERFs showed their true colors as soon as I made it public. But that's the kind of thing... it wasn't anyone I'm particularly close to or anything, you know?" Tanya sighed. "It's more the way a whole bunch of my friends were just completely unable to shift their mindsets. Like, I get it, I've fucked up on pronouns with other friends who've transitioned. It's tough to relearn things like that when you've known someone for a while. But it mattered to me to try and get it right, you know? I cared about these people. And I always respected trans identities, going back to the 90s when I was 14 and saw trans girls on Donahue or whatever. It seemed valid to me in a way that most people didn't seem to think it was. So I tried! And when people don't try, when people I care about and who supposedly care about me don't try, it makes me feel like they don't see me as valid. Which is tough to get past, even if they clearly still like me and I like them too."

Sam nodded. "I've honestly got a little bit of experience with what you're talking about, even having only been identifying as non-binary and not fully transitioning. I suppose there are people out there who were using he/him pronouns for me this whole time and I wasn't paying that much attention. But now I'm gonna have to start paying attention."

"Well, it's not even that," said Tanya. "People can handle non-binary identities because it generally doesn't require full recontextualization of a person. People who identify as non-binary often don't go through an actual change in their presentation, and I've found it's pretty rare for enby-identifying people to engage in medical transition of any sort as well." She shrugged. "Of course, that could be because the medical industry makes it hard to get what you want to do done if you deviate from their script. Thank god, things have at least gotten past that whole bullshit Harry Benjamin 'I was born in the wrong body' narrative. But there are still things that you can say about your desired gender or whatever that'll get you shut down as pathological when really, the truth is that there are just a lot of potential ways people might want to express their gender, and ALL of them are valid!"

Sam was nodding as she finished speaking. "I've already been looking at stuff online about transitioning -- since a while before I fully came out, if I'm entirely honest -- and I've already noticed this. People will tell you 'I said this to my doctor and it caused six months of problems' or 'my first doctor didn't understand at all and I had to move to a different city before I got the care I needed' or whatever. I went into my intake conversation at Planned Parenthood with all this stuff I could say, and lo and behold, they didn't really care that much. I told them about my history of gender feelings and they just kind of nodded and said, pretty much, 'Sounds legit,' and had me sign some papers."

Tanya nodded. "Informed consent's been a godsend for me too. I can tell you one story, though. I had to go to my doctor and get three months of prescriptions taken care of in advance so I could go on tour. And she was like, 'Why are you doing this?' and I totally did not tell her that it was better than being homeless, so why not? I knew that would be an issue. So now my doctor at Planned Parenthood Nashville thinks I'm in a touring band that plays to 500 people a night." She shook her head and laughed at the memory. 

Sam laughed as well. "Normal people have no idea that reasonably big bands that they've heard of can't necessarily draw 500 people in most of the country."

Tanya nodded, thinking of the time she saw Kings Of Leon play for 50 people at a sparsely attended promotional show. That was years before they'd gotten big, though. These days she didn't even like them.

At that moment, their food arrived. 

Tanya was pretty hungry, and dug right into her breakfast burrito. Sam seemed to be in the same position -- which was no surprise, after her escapades the previous evening -- and very little was said for a few minutes as both of them chowed down. Tanya came up for air after she'd gotten about halfway through her burrito. After a big swig of her water, she looked over at Sam. 

"I've been thinking," she said. "I know you're just starting out, and I've been doing this for a while. So if there's anything I can help with by talking about it or whatever, you're welcome to ask. I want to do whatever I can to make this whole process easier on you."

Sam set her Diet Coke down. Once she'd finished the mimosa, she'd switched to non-alcoholic drinks, a move Tanya had appreciated. "Yeah, there is something," she said. "This is a weird question but I'm just gonna ask."

Tanya nodded, hoping to encourage her.

"Can you explain to me how the heck you figured clothes out? I just have no idea about sizes and all that." Sam gestured at her body. "I don't have much of any definition, curve-wise, at this point, but I want to find stuff I can wear that makes me feel more, you know, girly." She held up her hands in an at-a-loss gesture. "What should I do?"

"Well, it's tough," Tanya said. "I was and am built a bit different from you. I mean, to be honest, this is the thinnest I've been as an adult, and I'm still a bit overweight if you ask the BMI or whatever. But like, I started wearing women's clothes full time months before I took my first hormone pills. So I started out by working with what I had, and I had a bit of extra weight up top." She gestured to her breasts. "They developed more once the hormones took effect, which was lovely, but even at the beginning I had a sense of what was up. You don't have that. Which isn't good or bad at this point, it just... is."

Sam nodded. "True. So you at least understand the problem."

"Oh, for sure," Tanya said, nodding. "One thing I can tell you is that you will develop, not just in your breasts but in your hips, your butt, the backs of your thighs... It'll take a few months, but changes will start to happen. And you won't know the full extent of them for years. So I would say to start out with stuff that you feel good about, and the only way to really find that stuff is to try things on. I used to go to thrift stores, spend half an hour collecting a double armload of potential stuff, step into a fitting room with it, and find that 90% of it didn't fit me or looked terrible. I'd go in with 40 things and buy two. But that's the way it has to go."

Sam nodded. "That makes sense. Doing the thrift store thing makes me nervous as hell, but I guess I've got to take the plunge."

"If you need a partner for thrift store runs, I'm in town for a couple of weeks," Tanya said. "I'm always glad to help."

Sam smiled. "I will take you up on that. Let's swap numbers before we leave here."

"What are you doing today?" Tanya asked. "You seem to have money... want to hit up some places later?"

Sam's smile grew even wider. "That would be awesome, honestly. You sure you're up for that?"

"It's always fun to hit thrift stores," Tanya said. "Who knows? I might find something I want too. I mean, I probably shouldn't buy anything, it'll just be more stuff to wash while I'm on tour... but I'm not saying I won't anyway." Sam laughed as Tanya picked up her breakfast burrito.

[dailyrandomwriter]

Day 213

Chinese malls, or at least the ones I’ve visited, are odd places that feel like living time capsules. In part, this is because these malls rarely ever get renovations, so if you step in one, you can feel the age of those malls. They often feel like they haven’t had a refresher in decades.

But the other reason why they feel like living time capsules is because Chinese malls rarely have branded or franchise stores in them. If they do have such a store, it is often one catering to the Asian or Chinese demographic, such as a grocery store, bubble tea place or a store that sells imports from Korea or Japan. But other than that, most of these stores are owned by small business owners.

If they’re stores at all, because Chinese malls also have a higher number of service businesses in them like doctor offices, dentists and even music schools. 

The point is though, because these malls don’t have really any branded or franchise clothing, food, jewelry, electronics or knickknack stores, there is no major corporation to impose the latest fad in these malls. There's no big box store that gives itself a face lift every few years.

In fact, the other thing about these malls is that they are so distinctly Chinese. You pass by something as common as a jewellery store and instead of the sleek and almost minimalist jewellery design, you’ll see these big gaudy pieces in the store front, often using a lot of gold and jade. 

Then there are the stores you’d only find in these kinds of malls. The large herbal or dried goods stores that sell open bins of ginseng, dried mushrooms, ginger and things I cannot name like it’s a Bulk Barn. When I was little I spent a lot of my time in these little stores that sold imports from Japan and China. A lot of my early anime merchandise was from these malls. Things like playing cards, drinking glasses and notebook pads with whatever anime I was into at the time could be found there. Before the rapid subbing of anime was a thing, it wasn’t unusual for bootleg copies of anime to be sold with someone else having edited it to put in a sub translation.

And even though the bootleg copies of anime are not as common, these stores still exist. Though selling more character statues, plushies and whatever merchandise they can get imported that someone would like to buy in person rather than online.

Of all the places in the mall though, that feel like they’re trapped in time, it’s certainly the food court. It’s hard to imagine a non-Chinese mall having a food court that isn’t full of just fast food brands. Instead it’s Asian food, made by small business owners, in the same way they had probably started making it when they first opened their stall.

I had found myself in front of a stall that sold snacks, like egg waffles, stuffed french toast and beef balls on a stick. I’ve mentioned in a previous post how most bubble tea places don’t really sell fruity bubble tea anymore, and yet here at this stall that has probably been around longer than I’ve been alive, there was fruity bubble tea. In favours I hadn’t seen in ages like green apple and grape. 

For myself, I ordered a Hong Kong style milk tea and an egg waffle. The former because I grew up with that at home, and the latter because that’s what I always got at these malls as a child. After the first sip of tea, I realized it had been a long time since I had properly strong milk tea. Most bubble tea places today don't really seep their teas long enough. Meanwhile my mother and aunt wandered off because there were two Chinese style BBQ places. It’s not unusual for families to buy BBQ from these stalls to just take home to eat, and my mother brought my variety platter to take home for myself afterwards. 

It was all incredibly nostalgic.

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

MR. REIGNS

Prompt: Requested by nonny

Word Count: Long-ish

Pairings: Roman Reigns x Reader

Warnings: +18, smut, degradation (name calling), flirting, daddy kink, sir kink, age gap

Editor: @thenightmareismyreality

Tag: @ziasaph , @theworldofotps , @sophiewolfheart-blog , @wickedsunfire , @akiko-tanaka , @aerynscrichton , @sassymox , @waywardwrestlewritingwaif , @reigns-5sos , @lustyromantic , @auawdo , @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch , @nicolewoo , @writtingrose , @bayley-no-friends

Notes: Disclaimer - For respect purposes, I’ll be using a fictional name for Roman’s daughter on this fic. If you’d like to check out my other works, you can find them on my Masterlist

It’s finally Senior Year - and what a fucking relief that is! No more stressful and endless studying hours, no more busting our asses off for mediocre grades, no more shitty frat parties “and last - but certainly not least- no more breaking up with asshole boyfriends at said crappy parties!

I don’t like younger guys. They’re inexperienced, get flustered easily, and don’t care whatsoever about reciprocating pleasure towards their girlfriends or hookups! I like older men...there's something about them that’s just perfect. “When I first met Amber Reigns, I never imagined that I would be blessed with such an amazing best friend. That’s why I knew it was wrong to have the hots for her father, but c’mon! Have you seen the man? He’s delicious! And I’m made of flesh and blood, therefore I have my weaknesses too. And Mr. Reigns is one of my biggest weaknesses.

“Y/N” Amber peeked her head inside my dorm room “Are you ready? My dad’s waiting for us in the parking lot”

“Yeah, I got everything I need” I said while putting on my backpack

“Do you mind going to the car? I’ll be right behind you, I just need to leave some books at the library, because if I don’t they’ll fine me like twenty dollars” She rolled her eyes in annoyance

I giggled “Sure. But don’t take too long flirting with the library boy” I responded in a teasing tone

She stuck her tongue out and left.

I made my way towards the parking lot and saw him standing there, leaning sexily against his pickup truck. He was wearing an extremely tight black tank top, which did nothing but accentuate his rippling muscles and tanned skin that were on full display. The intricate patterns of his tattoo could be seen from afar, the way the black lines molded to his skin like a shield never failed to turn me on, and a pair of black joggers caressed his strong thighs beautifully. His long, black, silky hair was tied up in a tight knot at the back of his head....the man was a fucking sight for sore eyes!

“Hello, Y/N” He greeted with a smile

“Mr. Reigns” I said shyly

He grabbed my backpack and placed it in the trunk of his car “How are you?”

“I’m good, sir. How are you?”

“Better now” He winked and smirked. And I almost came in my pants

“Where’s Amber?”

“She went to the library to return some books, sir”

“Don’t I get a hug?” He smiled

I awkwardly hugged him as I felt the smell of his cologne filling up my lungs and this weird feeling of wholesomeness took over me

“Let’s get inside the car, it’s too hot out here” He laughed

Amber had invited me to spend this holiday weekend with her family, and since I wasn’t feeling much in the mood to go home, I said yes. The only thing I didn’t know was that she planned on going to Mr. Reigns’ house instead of her mom’s house. Before I could fantasize in my daydreams for too long, Amber had returned from the library and hopped into the vehicle.

“Who will be spending the weekend with us?” Amber asked as she fastened her seatbelt

“Your uncles will be coming tomorrow afternoon with your cousins. Your brother decided to go to his girlfriend’s parents, and your sister is coming over on Sunday” Mr. Reigns replied as he turned onto the highway leading to his home.

During the two hour long ride, Mr. Reigns and Amber spent most of the trip conversing animatedly, occasionally asking me a question or two to keep me from feeling too left out, but I let them mostly catch up amongst themselves.

When we got to his place it was the end of the afternoon, and Mr. Reigns went to the kitchen to cook us dinner. I took the opportunity to shower and change into some clean clothes, nothing fancy though, just a pair of yoga pants and a gray tank top. While Amber was taking one of her famously long baths, I got bored and decided to go downstairs to see what Mr. Reigns was cooking.

“Y/N, to what do I owe the pleasure?” He smirked

“Amber is taking a bath” I rolled my eyes in fake annoyance

“Oh great” He grunted, but a smile danced on his lips “That will be quick” He joked, and I laughed in response

“So when is your girlfriend coming?” I asked nonchalantly and leaned against the kitchen island as he chopped some carrots

“Girlfriend?” He chuckled “I know nothing about that”

“How is that possible?” I asked in disbelief

“I don’t need someone in my life in order to be happy, Y/N”

“I’m not saying you do, Mr. Reigns. I’m just saying I find it hard to believe that a man like you doesn’t have a girlfriend”

“And why aren’t YOU spending the holidays with your boyfriend?” He teased

“Boyfriend? I know nothing about that” I mocked

He cackled “And why not? Maybe a boy in college wants to be your boyfriend?”

“I don’t like young guys” I shrugged

“Oh really?” He scooted closer “What do you like then?”

“I like older men”

“How old?” He flirted

The vixen part of my brain woke up once I saw the fire in his eyes “Around your age”

“My age?”

I nodded

“And what does a twenty two year old little girl like you know about men my age?” He licked his lips

“Oh Mr. Reigns...I know a lot” I smirked

………………………………………………………………………………………..

We went to sleep late that night, so the next morning I didn’t even hear Amber calling for me so we could go to the grocery store. When I slowly opened the door of the guest bedroom, I heard Mr. Reigns saying:

“I’ll stay here with her and you go to the store, because God forbid if I forget to buy whatever is your addiction at the moment” He chuckled

“Dad, stop!” She giggled “You’re making me sound like a terrible person, AND it’s Twinkies, ok?”

“Again? I thought it was chocolate with nuts”

“Nope, it’s Twinkies now, and just for that, I’ll buy an extra box just to piss you off” She laughed deviously and left out the door.

When her car left towards the highway, I saw Mr. Reigns going up the stairs and coming towards my guest bedroom. I quickly went to the bathroom so I could brush my teeth.

Mr. Reigns slowly opened the door of my room as I was leaving the bathroom.

“So you’re awake?”

“I woke up when Amber was leaving”

“Why didn’t you go to the store with her?”

“Wasn’t feeling like it. Why are you in my room, Mr. Reigns?”

“I came to check on you”

“Why? Do I need someone watching over my sleep?” I laughed

“I just wanted to make sure you were ok, Y/N”

With a smirk on my lips, I said “So you had no other intentions AT ALL?”

“Would you like me to have other intentions?” He chuckled

“Who wouldn’t?”

“You know this is wrong, right?”

“If I heard it correctly, Mr. Reigns, you were the one who wanted to stay behind, and you are the one who came up here” I shrugged

“Touché” He pushed me down on the bed, and covered my body with his

“If it’s so wrong, why are you doing it, sir?”

“Because” He licked his lips “Everything that is forbidden tastes sweeter, don’t you think?”

I giggled while my hands dipped inside his white t-shirt “That’s your shitty excuse?” And chuckled “C’mon, I know you can do better than that”

He cackled “Maybe...or maybe it’s the truth” His hands pulled my satin shorts down “I’ve thought about this ever since I first saw you”

“So why did it take you so long to do something about it?”

“I wanted to make sure you felt the same” His lips brushed against mine

“We better hurry up before someone gets here”

“It takes two and a half hours to get to the store and back, baby. We’ve got plenty of time” He smirked and kissed my lips deeply.

His full lips tasted like caramel coffee, something he drank every morning without a fail. I undid his perfect bun and let his black, silky hair fall upon his shoulders as we kissed. Moaning into the kiss, I pulled his hair while I wiggled my hips, which made him groan.

“So eager” He slapped my ass “I like that. Makes me wanna fuck you even harder”

He took my wrists and locked them on top of my head while rubbing his bulge against my core.

“Please, daddy” I moaned “Please fuck my pussy”

He growled at my pleading and pulled his joggers down quickly. Roman teased my clit with his tip, sliding it up and down my folds, applying more pressure every time he hit my little nub.

“No more teasing, Mr. Reigns... Please...”

Roman smirked and slid in me with one soft thrust.

“Fuck” We moaned together

My eyes rolled to the back of my head as he filled my core like nothing else. His size was beyond perfect to me and I couldn’t hold back my moans of pleasure any longer.

“That’s my good little slut, moan for the one who owns this pussy” He pulled all the way out, until just the tip was in, and then he went in again with a rough thrust

“Oh yes, Mr. Reigns. Keep going please” I moaned loudly

He gripped me by the neck and chuckled “Such a needy whore! I love seeing what I can do to you. The power I have over you...How you lose yourself while I fuck you” He slapped my ass vigorously “You’ve been waiting a long time to have me in you, haven’t you, my sweet whore?”

“Yes, sir” I panted

“Then tell me! Who’s my filthy little slut?”

“Me, daddy”

He snarled before fucking me faster “Say it!”

“I’m your filthy little slut, sir” Tears started to gather in my eyes, as I could feel overstimulation being so close

“Then cum for me, like a filthy, little, slut” He whispered in my ear, while pinching my clit.

It didn’t take him long to reach his high, and Roman quickly pulled out and spilled his seed on my mound.

He leaned down and captured my lips in a sweet kiss

“C’mon, let’s get cleaned up” Roman looked up at the clock and continued “And if we’re quick enough in the shower, we can have another round before someone gets here”

He picked me up in his arms, bridal style and whispered

“I still need to taste this pussy or else I’m gonna become a mad man” He smirked when I gasped

And ran towards the bathroom.

Please, if you’re comfortable with it, let me know your thoughts on this? Feedbacks are always appreciated ❤️😘

[spencerreidsconverse]

Bets With a Vegas Boy

summary: When Spencer and Reader make a bet with high stakes, their stubborn sides show, but when a consulting officer has his eyes on reader, Spencer has to step in.

word count: 4.9k

warnings: SMUT (breeding kink, daddy kink, a bit of degradation, semipublic sex,) unrequited flirting, criminal minds style violence, suggested cannibalism, reader has multiple tattoos

Pairing: Spencer Reid/Female Reader

A/N: This took me forever to finish as I was on vacation! I hope you all enjoy it!

“Y/N, have you ever met Reid? You’re supposed to be smart, why would you willingly sign up for this?” You scoffed at JJ’s words. When Penelope Garcia is involved it seems that no news traveled slowly, proven by the entire BAU’s new knowledge of the bet you had made with boy genius after bickering about which of you was more clingy. “JJ, you really underestimate me that much?” She shook her head in disbelief “You know that’s not it, but come on Y/N! Seriously, he’s banned from every casino in Vegas! Why would you bet against that?” “JJ, he was banned because he can count cards. It’s not like we’re playing Black Jack for christ’s sake!” She weighed the idea for a moment and you could see the wheels turning in her head. “Okay that’s true, but still. He’s the most stubborn man I’ve ever met. I seriously hope whatever he has in mind for your forfeit isn’t as bad as yours.” You laughed, imaging Spencer in the predicament you were positive he would be in the thick of by the end of the week.

“I think he’d look good with one, you don’t agree?” JJ rolled her eyes as you both made your way out of the elevator towards the glass doors. “That’s not my point Y/N, don’t you think it’s a little harsh? I mean he’s not like you, how do you know he’d even want one?” You smirked, remembering the first time you’d met Dr. Spencer Reid. You had been brought on to the team a few short years ago after an implemented policy that required an even amount of field agents so there were partners for every investigation. You thought it was a bit condescending, requiring the most brilliant minds in the nation to follow the buddy system, but it gave you a job and for that you were thankful. It had its perks though, one of which being your immediate pairing with Reid. You were as young as him and not far behind in brilliance. What you lacked in eidetic memory and forgein language fluency, you more than made up for in marksmanship and street smarts. You and Reid got along fine, even if it was a bit tense at first. He was thoroughly convinced he didn’t need a babysitter.

“I’m a grown man! Why would I need to be watched every second of the day? The last thing we need is a liability.” you remembered the words like it was yesterday. You had been approaching him from behind, and overheard his rant. “Well, technically since we’re the same age, I’d hardly consider myself a babysitter. Would you trust your child’s care with someone their age?” Spencer had turned himself around so fast he’d almost fallen off the desk he was perched atop. “Y-you must be Agent Y/N! It’s uh nice to meet you?” He cringed at the tone of his voice, and you burst out with giggles before shaking your head. “Don’t worry Dr. Reid, I understand it must be a difficult situation for you. I mean, if I were the resident genius I wouldn’t take too kindly to the idea of being shown up either.” The dark-skinned woman who had previously been engaging him in his sour mood let out a surprised chuckle and you watched his face turn from embarrassment to shock and finally settle on disbelief. “Wh- Excuse me?” You felt your stomach begin to cramp as his reaction made you laugh further and you clutched your files against your chest. You fought to catch your breath for a few seconds before regaining your composure. “Excuse my reaction, Dr. Reid but I couldn’t resist. No hard feelings?” He nodded mutely and you saw a soft smile crack through his mock stern expression. You turned to introduce yourself to the woman next to him, Tara Lewis. You made small talk for a few more minutes while Reid scribbled away at his desk before Emily called all of you to the round table with a case.

Nerves had struck you then, and you stood frozen instead of joining Tara in her stride. “Y/N, everything okay?” You jumped slightly as you heard Reid’s voice from behind you. “Oh! Yes, sorry!” You moved out of his way, trying your best not to stumble over an empty desk and failing miserably. He stretched his hands out and caught you, much to your embarrassment. “Are you sure you’re okay? Are you feeling ill?” You shook your head quickly. “No! No, I'm fine, really.” He looked into your eyes and you tried to ignore the sparks you felt deep in your chest. “Y/N you’re working with profilers now, lying that poorly will never work around here.” His joke succeeded in its attempt to lighten the mood and you let out a soft laugh despite your anxiety. “I’m just a little nervous I guess. I didn’t expect to have a case so soon.” He nodded and his thumb absentmindedly rubbed soothing circles on your sleeve. “I understand. We all felt that way at first. I won’t say it’s easy, but we’re all here to support you. Take a few deep breaths.” You did as he instructed and you felt your nerves ease as he consoled you. “That’s better. Besides, what could you have to worry about? You have the best partner here.” You laughed, and he released your arm. “I’ll meet you in there.” and with that he left you standing there trying to lock down the feelings he had just arisen in you. “Nice Y/N, crush on your partner first thing. What a great start.” you muttered to yourself

A few moments later you joined the rest of the team at the table and quickly reviewed the case, before lifting off 45 minutes later to a small town in Georgia. Everything felt like a whirlwind and you did your best to keep up. True to what Spencer had said, the team helped you get your bearings and by the end of the night you were making great strides along with the rest of them. It was near midnight when Emily dismissed you all to the hotel a few blocks away to get a few hours of rest. You were thankful, having poorly attempted to drown your tiredness with watery coffee from the small pot at the station, and you made your way to the hotel as swiftly as you could manage. When you were all gathered in the lobby, Emily handed out the keycards and it quickly dawned on you how the room assignments would work. You tried to shake off the thought and prayed that the night would go quickly. It made sense to just put the partners together, it made keeping track of everyone easier and allowed for quick communication between the team. You told yourself all the reasons it was logical as you made your way up to your room.

Spencer left you to your thoughts, but he could see how hard you were focusing. He unlocked the door and the lights switched on as you both made your way towards your beds. You heard him ask you something, and turned awkwardly to face him “Sorry, what’d you say?” He looked at you, a mix of amusement and concern on his face. “I asked if you wanted to shower first. Are you okay?” “Oh! Yeah, thanks. I’m okay, just thinking about the case.” You hoped you had lied better this time and were relieved that he seemed to buy it. “Just try to shut your mind off of it for now, I know it’s hard. Trust me, you’ll feel much better when you’re refreshed.” You nodded at his words and pulled some pajamas out of your go-bag. “Thanks Spencer. I’ll try not to take too long.” He shrugged you off “No worries, take your time.” You shut yourself behind the door and tried to shake the feelings out of your head. “Get a grip Y/N. You’re being crazy.” You scolded yourself before showering. You hurried despite Spencer’s insistence and quickly made your way out of the shower to dry yourself off. You applied lotion to your ink-covered skin and slipped on your shorts and t-shirt before drying your hair as fast as you could and making your way out of the bathroom. You dropped your folded clothes on top of your bag, alerting Spencer that you were done.

“That was fast, you really didn’t have to-” his words died in his throat as he looked up from the file in his lap and caught sight of your legs, covered in the intricate artwork that stretched across the skin. You tried to ignore his watchful gaze. “It’s no problem! I wanted to save you some hot water.” He thanked you quietly and made his way to the bathroom hurriedly, trying not to look at you again. You tried to fall asleep but you couldn’t get him out of your head. A few more minutes passed and he made his way over to his bed, trying to will the awkward tension out of the room. You both eventually managed to fall asleep without speaking another word.

The tension continued to grow over the next few months and the rest of the team were getting sick of watching you two dance around each other. You both denied any advances, shot down the chance to go out on any of the numerous blind dates members of the team offered to set up, and chose instead to trade glances across the bullpen and divulge your personal lives over breakroom lunches. Eventually, they made plans for a team outing and convinced you both to attend. Penelope made reservations at a nice restaurant, announcing that everyone just had to try their food. That night however, you showed up to Spencer waiting awkwardly at a table for two in the back corner with a sour face. “Where’s the rest of the team?” You asked him, taking the seat across from him. “Apparently they’ve all had to cancel. Luckily, the reservation was for two.” His eyes narrowed in suspicion and you made a mental note to scold Garcia. “Well, since we’re here I’m happy to eat. I’m starving.” Spencer’s eyes lit up and he nodded eagerly, agreeing with you.  After an evening of great food and better wine, the rest was history, and you found yourself thanking Garcia the next day instead. You and Spencer had been dating for just over two years now, though he’d be able to count it down to the second you’d showed up looking angelic at the restaurant that night. You both complimented each other perfectly and you had a relationship stronger than either of you could have dreamed of.

“Hello?? Y/N are you even listening to me?” JJ’s words and nudge against your shoulder brought you back to present day and you snapped your eyes back to her face. “Yes! Sorry JJ I was just thinking… Anyways, we’ve talked about it before. He loves all of mine, and he’s talked about getting one. He’s just afraid of the pain, and too indecisive to choose what he wants.” You blushed softly as you thought about the many nights spent in your shared bed, Spencer tracing the black lines with his fingertips. He adored them and thought they made you especially unique, not to mention he found them extremely sexy. He favored the black sun on your ribcage, shaded to perfection. Even when you were clothed he would run his hand along the fabric that covered the piece.

“Well still, if you do happen to win, I can’t imagine he’ll go along with it.” You smirked and shook your head. “We’ll see about that JJ.” You both sat at your desks, and began to work through your piles of paperwork. You were thankful there was no case that needed your immediate attention, but paperwork always made you feel like a nap by the time lunch came around. You pushed yourself away from your desk, and stood to find yourself nearly chest to chest with your boyfriend who had stood at the same time. “Oh, sorry Spence. I just need coffee.” You maneuvered your way around him, missing the way he would usually grab your hips to aid you. He followed you to the break room and you poured him a cup as well leaving plenty of room for sugar. Instead of handing it to him with a quick peck on the cheek however, you left it on the counter to be picked up. “You really think you can go a week without touching me?” You heard his voice from the doorway. “It’s already been 3 days.” You said uninterestedly with a shrug, and he eyed you suspiciously. “Okay fine, no. I just think I can go longer than you can.” You finally admitted, smirking back at him.

He grabbed the mug from the counter, adding several teaspoons of sugar before taking a sip. “We’ll see about that. You’re the one that’s always curling yourself around me.” You rolled your eyes playfully. “Oh yeah, like you hate it. You’re the one that’s always rubbing my back and holding my hand under tables. Even when we’re on the metro home you’ve got your hand in mine.” He narrowed his eyes at you and stuck his tongue out, making you chuckle. “Very mature Dr. Reid. I can’t wait to win.” He opened his mouth to argue but was interrupted by Luke who stuck his head in to alert you both of the new case you’d be working. You let out a long sigh. “So much for paperwork.” The three of you made your way to the round table and sat, Spencer curling his hand into a fist to keep himself from subconsciously reaching over to place his hand on your leg.

“So, we are assisting in a local case this time, with Washington state PD about a string of murders in the homeless community. However, there’s been hefty construction in their field office so they will be joining us here.” Penelope quickly took the lead after Emily’s announcement and filled you all in about the details. She ran through the few details the local PD managed to uncover on their own and the team had only managed a few minutes of brainstorming when a group of police officers made their way through the glass doors of the BAU. There were only a handful of officers which surprised all of you, and Emily led the rest of you out of the conference room, beelining her way to the chief. “Hello, Landon. It’s nice to see you again.” She shook his hand briefly. “Likewise Emily, though I wish it was under different circumstances.” “As do I. I’m sorry for the miscommunication, I was under the impression that your entire force would be joining us. Is that not the case?” The chief, Landon Bridges you now knew him as, shook his head. “We knew you had a pretty tight space and we have a lot of members. I brought a few people from each department and figured it’d be easiest to fill everyone else in periodically. We didn’t want to overflow your space and leave no room to work.” Emily nodded and rested her hand on his shoulder. “I appreciate the thought, thank you. This is the rest of my team. SSAs Jennifer Jareau, Luke Alves, Matt Simmons, David Rossi, Y/N Y/L/N, Drs Spencer Reid and Tara Lewis, and our technical analyst Penelope Garcia.” You all gestured as Emily quickly introduced you, and a short time later you were all acquainted and working throughout the bullpen. You and Spencer were just beginning to start the geographical profile when one of the Washington police officers, Kline, made his way over to you. “Pardon me agents, do you need any help?” You looked up from your section of the grid lines and smiled at him which he returned brightly, but before you could answer, Spencer dismissed him. Kline’s face fell slightly but he nodded and made his way over to where Tara and Luke were reviewing the last known areas of the victims.

You turned and stared at Spencer in disbelief. He looked up after a few seconds, feeling your eyes burning a hole through the top of his head. “Yes?” You glared at him harder, before railing into him in a hushed tone “Don’t ‘yes?’ me. That was insanely rude. They’re here to help us! Quit acting all high and mighty.” He stared back at you and you saw the stubbornness light up his eyes. “Why should I? We could solve this case twice as fast without them getting in the way.” He knew he was talking too loud, and was more than aware of Kline who was staring at his back with  a sour look resting on his face. “Spencer! I don’t know what your problem is, but you need to fix it. You’re being an ass.” He rolled his eyes and you both let out a sigh before looking back down at the maps covering the desktop beneath you.

A few hours passed before you and Spencer finished the geographical profile, and you gestured Kline over to ask him a few questions about the area you’d narrowed down. Spencer noticed he had made his way to your side and bit his lip to keep himself silent. “Officer Kline, can you tell me anything about this area of the block? It seems like a lot of our victims were last seen in this area.” He eyed the map where red ink stained the paper and pondered for a few seconds. “Well, there’s not much out there really. A few older shops and some construction to the east” he gestured to the empty spot of land on the map “but nothing of real interest. We don’t usually get calls for the homeless population over here either. There’s not really much shelter so they don’t usually go towards this way” Your brow furrowed and you nodded, thanking him but before he could get another word in Spencer piped up. “Kline, if the homeless population doesn’t “Go that way” he mocked the officer in front of you, and Kline tensed up in response “then why are they all disappearing from the area? Does that make sense to you?”

Kline struggled to respond and you glared at Spencer before assuring Kline there was no need for him to pay Spencer any mind, excusing his behavior with a rambling about late nights and too little coffee. Kline walked away and you stared Spencer down for several seconds before making your way towards the main group to deliver the geographic profile, leaving Spencer to sulk. You continued to avoid Spencer until you were sent out to investigate the block you sectioned off with Emily and JJ. You opted to drive which left Spencer in the passenger seat, fuming at your silent treatment and JJ and Emily trying to fight the tension in the SUV to no avail.

You parked the SUV a few blocks away and the four of you walked the rest of the way to avoid raising too much suspicion. You were standing in the center of the unsubs hot zone when you noticed a line of people clustered in front of one of the more rundown buildings. The building had wide front windows that had been taped over with brown paper, as well as the glass doors. You and Spencer approached the group warily, trying to get closer to see the poorly written signs on the door.

“DISCOUNT MEAT - PRE-COOKED”

“12pm-12am”

You gestured Emily and JJ over and the four of you quickly aimed to disperse the crowd much to their displeasure. After several minutes of arguing and multiple badge flashes you managed to succeed and stood outside the door ready to investigate once the owner opened his doors. Fifteen minutes had passed without any sign of movement from the inside and Spencer began to shift anxiously, causing you to do the same. A few more seconds passed and you heard the locks on the door click, reaching your hand around to rest on your holster automatically. As soon as the door opened, Emily pushed through holding her badge and announcing the reason for your investigation.

The shop owner immediately demanded you leave and not return unless you had a warrant. “Actually, because this is no longer a registered business it becomes property of the town and therefore is subject to any kind of local or national investigation under Property law 14, sections 3a-3f go more in depth about the issue if you feel the need to verify.” Spencer explained the situation while sifting through the counter drawers, leaving the man to sit in silent rage while Emily and JJ questioned him. You bent over to fiddle with a padlock on a hollowed bench seat on the far wall and pulled one of the pins out of your hair to pick it. A few seconds of tampering later, the lock gave way with a satisfying click and you pulled the bench open. A rancid smell hit your nose and stomach before you could process what you were seeing. Body parts were wrapped in butcher's paper and poorly taped, and you fought to keep your breakfast down as you slammed the bench shut. Emily then stood the man up and cuffed him, while reciting the miranda rights. JJ followed her out and you followed her quickly, trying and failing to erase the memory from your mind.

Back at the office, the rest of the team and several of the officers had already begun processing the unsubs case and there was little left to be done by the time you returned. You filled out your files and quickly wrote out your account of the incident before heading to the breakroom for a cup of coffee. You pulled your mug down from the shelf and pressed your favorite individual pod into the machine and pressed the button to let it run. You were digging in the fridge for your creamer when a deep voice startled you

“Little late for coffee isn’t it?” You turned swiftly to find Kline standing in the doorway and you let out a small sigh. “When you work like we do, it’s never too late for coffee” You smiled and made your cup to your taste, taking a long sip. You expected Kline to just grab what he wanted and leave, but instead he continued to make awkward conversation despite you going so far as to begin scrolling through your phone. “So, that Spencer guy is really a piece of work huh?” You fought the urge to roll your eyes and instead remained focused on your screen, telling yourself that he just didn’t get the chance to see the good side of Spencer like everyone else there had. “He’s really not a bad guy, he’s just had a long day. We all have.” Kline nodded but moved closer to you, so close that you could smell his headache-inducing cologne. “I’m just saying, if I had the opportunity to work with you every day, I wouldn’t waste my time arguing with you. I’d treat you right.”

You shifted uncomfortably, praying he would pick up on your uneasiness and back off but instead he moved to corner you against the counter. You tried to excuse yourself but your voice caught in your throat.

“Kline, I really overestimated you. I figured even a man as dimwitted as yourself would be able to tell when a woman isn’t interested but here we are.” Your head snapped up towards the doorway where Spencer was standing. Kline turned around and prepared himself to tell your boyfriend off when he froze. Spencer had the look in his eye that sent chills down your spine and made it very aware to Kline that there was no use fighting. He quickly left the room and you and Spencer held eye contact for several seconds before he spoke again “Meet me in the storage room at the end of the hall in 2 minutes.” His voice made your legs feel weak and you nodded, dumping the contents of your mug down the drain, keeping your pace in check as you slipped into the hallway.

You had barely unlatched the door when Spencer pushed it the rest of the way open and you felt yourself being dragged into the dimly lit space. You barely had time to let out a surprised squeak when you felt his lips against your throat, turning your noise into one of pleasure. His kisses quickly turned sharp, applying the expertly rehearsed amount of pressure to avoid marks but to still send shockwaves of heat to your core. “Spence” his name left your lips in a whine while he busied himself unbuttoning your blouse. “Spencer, you just lost the bet.” You felt a smirk grow across your face that disappeared as he hiked your skirt up to your hips while rubbing your clit through your panties. “Fuck the bet, Y/N. I’m sick of seeing you walk around here clueless. You know I’ve been all over Kline’s ass, little girl?” His voice dropped lower and he lifted you up to push you against the wall. “It’s because he couldn’t stop looking at yours.” You let out a moan as he pushed your panties to the side, slipping two of his fingers into you.

“Fuck baby, you’re so wet. Did me getting all protective of you turn you on? You like making daddy jealous?” You shook your head as well as you could manage, trying to keep your volume in check. “Answer me pet, or you’re not gonna get daddy’s cock in you like I know you’re desperate for.” You whimpered at his words  “No! I-I wasn’t trying to make you jealous daddy I swear!” You stuttered as he began to spread you further with his fingers. He smiled against the exposed skin of your chest before removing his fingers. “That’s my good girl. You ready for daddy?” You nodded as he fiddled with his belt buckle, moaning in anticipation as he released his cock from his slacks. You bit your lip as he ran the tip over your folds, sucking in a harsh breath as he pushed himself deep inside you. He let you adjust for a moment while he sucked at your neck again. “Daddy, please move. Please, I need you.” He let his hips move, pulling almost all the way out of you before slamming you forward into the wall again. You let out a moan as he thrusted in and out of you. You felt like your skin was on fire, the lack of touch over the past days made everything more intense.

A few more minutes passed and you felt yourself growing dangerously close to the edge. “Spence I’m gonna cum” you felt his pace grow even more rapid and he circled your clit with his thumb. “I’m gonna cum inside you angel. I’m gonna fill you up with my kid. You want that huh? Want everyone to know that you belong to me, don’t you?” You moaned at his words “God yes, please daddy. Please cum inside me!” You felt his hips stutter under you and a familiar warmth as you finally climaxed. Your toes curled and your head fell back against the wall, trying to catch your breath.

“God Y/N that was amazing.” You let out a soft whimper as he pulled out of you and lowered you back down to your feet. He kissed you, pulling you closer than before. “I love you Spencer. Only you.” He touched the tip of his nose to yours and returned your words, while you both caught your breath. A few minutes later you both exited the closet, and tried to smoothly make your way back to your desks. Washington PD had finished the bureau required paperwork and had already left so things were much quieter.

You had just sat down when JJ looked up from her computer. “So Spence, whatcha gonna get?” His head snapped up and your cheeks flushed. “Wh-What?” he managed to stutter out. “From the diner? Garcia said she would run out and get dinner.” You both let out simultaneous sighs of relief and told her what you wanted, settling in for a long night.

The next weekend you had free, you found yourselves in one of your favorite spots. The low pitched buzzing added to Spencer’s anxiety as he tried to divert his focus to the bright neon signs. You held his hand, stroking it with your thumb as you waited for your tattoo artist and best friend, Vannessa, to finish Spencer’s design. You tried to distract him but before long she called you back to the table and you heard his breathing quicken. You helped him get settled on the table while Vannessa applied the stencil. She adjusted it until Spencer and you both approved and then she started. Spencer tightened his grip on your hand as she traced the lines while you murmured words of encouragement in his ear. Half an hour later, she was running Spencer through the after care process while wrapping his forearm up. You paid her and made your way out of the shop after thanking her.

Slipping into the driver’s seat, you watched as Spencer carefully maneuvered his way into the car, fastening his seatbelt and resting his arm against the door. The streetlight shining through his window highlighted his forearm perfectly, revealing the perfectly mimicked shape of a shaded black sun.

[xoxo-teddybear]

You Have Me - Bakugou Katsuki

Dad!Bakugou x Babysitter!reader

Warnings: Dad!Bakugou, Fingering, 18+, Cursing, pining, cheating, daddy kink (cuz duh)

Request: Dad Bakugou in love with his babysitter. She’s younger than him but still over legal drinking age and Bakugou is not too old. I just wanna see how he’d go about this whole situation ESPECIALLY if he was already married.

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

“F-Faster Katsuki!” You said as Bakugou pounded into you on the kitchen island.

“Shit baby...fuck, you like that shit? Like how daddy fucks your sweet cunt?” He teased as he hit your cervix. “You gonna give me another brat? Huh? C’mon Teddy Bear I know you can do it~”

His hand traveled to your clit as he toyed with your pretty pussy. Your legs shook as he worked his magic and you clenched around his cock.

“Ohh~ ‘M gonna cum!” You cried out. Your hands clawed at Katsuki’s back as he sucked his teeth in due to the stimulating pleasure.

“Do it. Cream all over my cock baby.” You obeyed his every command as you did what you were told and spilled all over him. Your orgasm didn’t stop him as he continued to ram into you. He sped up as he chased his own release and threw his head back.

“F-Fuck! Fuck baby,” he leaned down close to your face as he used his hand to grab your chin. “I love you. You fuckin’ understand me?” He said and brought a smack to your ass. “I love you Y/N.”

His voice grew whiny as his thrust became sloppy. You both were a moaning mess until Katsuki met his climax and filled you with his release. Right as he came, his lips met yours for a rough and passionate kiss that you both desperately moaned into. He continued to slowly thrust into you to push his cum deeper inside your womb as you tugged at his hair. Your lips finally separated as Katsuki stopped his thrusts. He rested his forehead against yours as you both held heavy breaths. He grinned at your dazed eyes and grew excited. He was sure he done enough to get you pregnant. He saw your soft, angelic features and listened carefully as you began to speak.

“Katsuki...it’s time to wake up.” You said with a smile.

“Huh?” Bakugou said in confusion as he lifted his face away from yours. You sat up and shoved his shoulder as your voice began to fade out.

“Wake up! ....Wake up Katsuki. Katsuki! ....Katsuki!”

—

“Katsuki! Wake up!”

The 25 year old man had his eyes shot open as he flinched the slightest bit. He awoke to his bitch of a wife smacking his upper body to get him to come to.

“Ugh, the hell do you want?” He groaned as he layed back down in bed.

“I want you to get out of bed! We’re supposed to be going to Aki’s party today! You owe me since you didn’t want to buy me those heels!” She complained. Bakugou rolled his eyes at the gold digger and shooed her away with his hand.

“Go by your damn self. I have a meeting today. I’m not going to one of your shitty friend’s stupid ass parties. And also, I don’t owe you shit. I’m not dropping three grand on a pair of heels for some bitch.” He said with his eyes still shut. He heard his wife gasp at his insults and he could already imagine her dropped jaw.

“Excuse me, but I’m not some bitch. I’m your wife-“

“Who’s a bitch.” Bakugou interrupted. He opened his piercing, crimson eyes as he watched her tilt her head to the ceiling and crossed her arms.

“Hmph! Fine then! I’ll go by myself!” She said and marched out the room and out the house. Bakugou groaned as he rolled onto his back and threw his arms over his eyes.

“Good. That’s what I wanted. Stupid bitch.” He said to no one in particular. He sighed as he held on to the memory of the sweet dream he was having before his wife had interrupted. The sweet dream of him completely indulging himself in Y/N L/N, his son’s babysitter.

Was it wrong for him to have these thoughts about Y/N while being married? Yes. But did Bakugou care? Not at all. He was so drawn to Y/N it was like love at first sight for him. Besides, he didn’t love his wife anyway. They dated for a year and the whole time, Bakugou completely hated it. Truthfully, Bakugou dated her for her looks and the sweet facade she put up, but when her true self came through, Bakugou knew he was done with her. Unfortunately, before he had the chance to break up with her, his son Katsuo, was conceived. So when the news of her pregnancy became known to him, the toxic couple decided to tie the knot and get married. What a poor decision.

Bakugou decided enough time had been spent in bed and so he got up and got ready. Once he was fresh and clean he checked the time and saw it was 8:30. He made breakfast and prepped the table. Once he was done, he walked to his son’s room to wake up the little guy.

Katsuo Bakugou. Katsuki’s precious son. Even though he wasn’t planned, Katsuki loved his dear boy regardless. It’s sad to say the same thing can’t be said with the boy’s mother. Leiko Hotashi, Katsuo’s mother, seemed to have no love for the child, or anyone other than herself and money. She complained the entire pregnancy, she didn’t smile at the first sight of him when he was born, and she didn’t bother to be around the little guy either. Katsuo basically grew up without a mother’s love but he turned out just fine because Katsuki’s love was more than enough. The constant absence of his mother didn’t bother him and the child didn’t seem to care whether she was around or not. It’s sad really, but what can you do?

Bakugou walked into the room and saw a tuff of blonde hair that resembled his own. He walked to his ‘mini me,’ and shook the 5 year old awake.

“Katsuo...wake up bud. C’mon.” Katsuki said in a surprisingly soft voice. He was greeted with a pair of red eyes that copied his own and he smiled down at his carbon copy. “C’mon bud, breakfast is ready.”

Katsuo sat up in bed and yawned as he rubbed one of his eyes with his tiny fist. Katsuki smiled at the cute sight. “G’morning dad!”

“Heh. Good morning bud now let’s. Go. We got a nice breakfast waiting for us,” Bakugou said as he picked up his son in his arms. Katsuo giggled in excitement as Katsuki walked down the stairs and went into the kitchen.

The two sat down at the island as they enjoyed their breakfast and Katsuki listened to his son babble on about nothing. It was a peaceful morning for the most part. Katsuki’s morning always consisted of his crazy wife being a nag but other than that, he enjoyed his mornings with his son.

“So, I have to go to work soon and Mom is gone, but Y/N is coming by in a bit to watch you.” Katsuki explained to the young boy who seemed to light up at the mention of your name.

“Y/N’s coming?! Yay!” The boy shouted. Katsuo loved you. You’ve been his babysitter for 2 years and you already had the child (and his father) wrapped around your finger. Without knowing it, you showered the boy in motherly love, something that he never really got to experience. As we already stated, Bakugou felt drawn to you as if it was love at first sight, but seeing the way you interacted with his son just sealed the deal for him.

The two continued their meal and when they were done, Katsuki had the child wash up and get ready for your arrival. He cleaned up in the kitchen and by the time he was done, you knocked on the door. Bakugou felt his heart race at the knowledge of your presence and before he ran to the door, he stopped infront of a mirror to check himself. He fixed his hair and adjusted his clothes to fit more comfortably and then ran to the door. Before opening it, he placed his hand on the knob, took a breath, and then pulled the door open to be blessed with the sight of your beauty. “Y/N! Hi!”

“Heh, hey Katsuki.” You said as you stood at the door with a smile. You weren’t dumb. You always noticed how nervous Bakugou was whenever you were around. His crush was a little obvious to you and even though you felt something for the handsome hero, you never made any advances for the man. He was married and had a kid! There’s no way any sort of relationship was happening. Luckily, a very flirtatious friendship blossomed between you two and you grew so close that you both reached a first name basis.

Y/N L/N. A beautiful woman at the pretty age of 23. She was not only beauty, but she was brains, strength, and grace. She was a fierce and charming lady who had poison on her tongue but a fluffy heart of gold. The lot of you may be thinking that a 23 year old woman should be doing more than babysitting, but Y/N is still fairly young. And besides, babysitting was just a side gig. You had an actual career and owned your own dance studio but ever since you met the Bakugous, you just couldn’t give up on the little job.

“...Umm...Katsuki. Are you gonna keep staring or are you gonna let me in?” You said with a chuckle. Bakugou embarrassingly snapped out of his trance before speaking.

“Right! Uh, come in,” he said and stepped aside for you to enter. You nodded with a smile and walked into the large home, took a seat on the soft couch and you waited for Katsuo to come down. In the meantime, Katsuki always took the opportunity to make small talk with you.

“So..how’ve you been? It’s been awhile since you came over to watch Katsuo.” Katsuki said as he took a seat that was pretty close to you.

“Yeah, sorry about that. The studio’s just been pretty hectic with more clients coming in. Even before I came here, I dropped off some choreography for a heels class that I’m teaching tonight.” You said. The mention of your upcoming class made Katsuki a little excited. Your studio commonly filmed classes to post online for publicity and when Katsuki found videos of you dancing/teaching a heels class, he couldn’t help but constantly admire the view.

“Still coulda’ came by to at least say hi or something,” he said with a gruff but obvious sarcastic voice. “S’been forever since I- I mean since Katsuo saw you.”

“Relax dummy,” you said with a giggle as you playfully slapped his arm. “I’ve only been gone a week.”

Bakugou pretended to be in pain as he placed a hand over his chest, slumped in his seat, and scrunched his face. “Ouch. Don’t remind me. Like I said, it’s been forever.”

You both laughed at his little joke as he sat up straight again. You looked around the house and after seeing a few family pictures hanging, you decided to bring up another topic. “So..where’s the Mrs.?”

“Tch. She’s out at some random party.” He said as he stretched out his neck. You raised your brow and smirked at his answer.

“Oh? Is somebody upset he got left behind?” You teased which made Bakugou cackle a bit.

“Yeah right! Like I care about that nag. She could leave for an eternity and I wouldn’t care and neither would the kid. Besides, it’d just give me the opportunity to get a little closer to you.” He said as he leaned in a little closer and you did the same.

“Oh really?” You said with a smile.

“Really.” He replied back with a face that mimicked your own. Soon enough, his hand found a place on your inner thigh and gave it a squeeze. Your lips slightly separated with a tiny gasp and Bakugou definitely took notice of that. Things would’ve continued if it wasn’t for the sudden voice of a child.

“Y/N!” Katsuo said in excitement as he took notice of you on the couch. You and Bakugou jumped and quickly separated before the child could even get an idea of what was about to happen. You were quick to stand and greet the small boy as you crouched down to his level and gave him a hug.

“Hi Katsuo!” You said with your award winning smile. Katsuki watched from the couch as Katsuo went on and on about all the things he wanted to do today and the only thing that appeared in his head was a new family picture but with you in it instead of Leiko.

“Alright bud,” Bakugou said as he got up from the couch, walking to the two. “I gotta get to work but enjoy your day with Y/N, okay? And be good.” Bakugou said as he ruffled his boy’s blonde hair.

“I’m always good, dad!” The boy pouted as he swatted away his father’s hand. You laughed at their interaction and Bakugou chuckled before kissing the crown of his son’s head and walking to the front door.

“Bye Katsuo!” He said from the exit. You walked him to the exit and before he left he turned to you. He checked to make sure his son wasn’t watching before making his move. He grabbed your chin with his fingers to make you face him and softly spoke. “And I’ll see you later tonight, beautiful.”

You smiled and rolled your eyes at his compliment then said your thanks. You expected him to leave after that and so you tried to walk back to Katsuo but before you could, Katsuki pulled your wrist, grabbed your chin again, and pecked your cheek before exiting and slamming the door shut. You stood with a shocked expression as you felt blood rush to your cheeks.

Although you knew you felt something special for Katsuki, you knew he was married. And you weren’t no homewrecker! Even though some may see it as a harmless little peck on the cheek, you couldn’t help but feel guilty for his growing affections towards you. You sighed a bit before calming down and walking to the blonde boy waiting for you in the living room. You were going to enjoy your time with Katsuo but the return of his father stirred up a little confusion in your chest.

—

Hours passed. When you arrived it was 9:30 a.m. Now, it’s 10:00 p.m., and you expected Bakugou to be home soon. You didn’t really expect to see Leiko. Whenever Katsuki mentioned she was out partying, she never came back while you were around. It’s not that she was purposely avoiding you, she just tend to stay out into late hours of the night.

Katsuo was supposed to be in bed half an hour ago but his puppy eyes got the best of you and so you stayed up an extra hour to watch a quick movie with him. In the middle of the screening, he fell asleep on you and so you turned off the T.V and carried him to bed. After tucking him in, you walked away but felt a tug on your arm. Your turned to see Katsuo with sleepy eyes staring up at you. “Yes Katsuo?”

“Sing me to sleep again. Please Y/N,” the sweet boy asked. You smiled down at him and nodded. You took a seat on his bed side as you ran your fingers through his soft, spiked, blonde hair and sang.

As you sung Katsuo to sleep, you didn’t even notice the front door opening. Katsuki walked in feeling a little excited to see Y/N again but when he walked through the door he heard an angelic voice. He placed his bag down and followed the sound into his son’s room. Once he made it there, he stood in the doorway and listened to your voice and watched as you sung his child to sleep.

Your calming voice sent a blush to Katsuki’s face as he smiled and watched. Your voice was like honey. Smooth and sweet. The way you took care of Katsuo filled Katsuki with a type of happiness he never experienced before. He notice you ran your fingers through his son’s hair and Katsuki couldn’t help but feel a little envious of his own child.

“Don’t go away, stay another day~”

You finished the song and smiled as you saw Katsuo finally asleep. You leaned down and pecked his forehead before getting up to leave his room. As you looked towards the doorway, you jumped at the sight of Katsuki’s tall figure leaning against the frame.

“Katsuki, hey. I didn’t even realize you came home. How was work?” You asked. Your question made Katsuki smile, as it was similar to something a wife would ask her husband after a long day. It was something Katsuki never got to experience, even though he was already married. He smiled at you with kind eyes before tilting his head to signal you to follow him. You smiled softly and nodded as you followed Katsuki down the stairs.

—

For the past hour you and Katsuki had been laughing and talking. You followed Katsuki into the kitchen where he made you both some tea where you then both found seats in the living room. There, you talked some more and you both enjoyed the private company. Eventually, Katsuki grew bold and walked back into the kitchen and returned with a bottle of wine and two glasses.

“Heh, real smooth Romeo.” You teased and Bakugou chuckled as he rolled his eyes as sat down. You both picked up another conversation and eventually reached your second glass.

“Thanks for always taking care of Katsuo the way you do, Y/N.” Bakugou said with a slight blush. And it wasn’t just the alcohol causing it.

“What do you mean?” You asked, your face holding a similar blush for the same reasons. Safe to say you were both a little tipsy tonight. Not drunk but filled with a little liquid courage.

“I don’t know..like a mom?” His words caught your attention and your gaze encouraged him to continue. “Katsuo..doesn’t have the greatest mom in the world. I think everybody knows that. Honestly, if she wasn’t around at all, Katsuo wouldn’t even know the difference. But you? You’re like the mother he never got....the mother he should’ve got.”

You felt a growing heat flow in your face and you smiled at the sweet compliment. You can’t lie, sometimes you did see Katsuo as your son. You didn’t have kids but you always wanted some. Having Katsuo around was like having a son of your own. “Awe, thanks Katsuki.”

“You shouldn’t thank me, it’s just insane how you’re the actual definition of perfect.” He said before taking a sip of wine.

“Stop it,” you said and playfully hit his arm again. You both put your glasses down and he laughed a bit before continuing.

“No, I’m serious. I mean, c’mon you’re beautiful, smart, kind, sassy,” he began.

“Yeah..and,” you said as you both began to face each other.

“You’re great with kids, you’re good at everything, you have a steady career, you have a passion,” he continued.

“Mhmm..” you said while smiling at his words. You shuffled a little bit closer to him on the couch and Bakugou smiled when he noticed.

“...You’re perfect Y/N.” He focused his gaze on you as he became entranced with your E/C eyes. He leaned in close and you did the same. “...You’re the perfect one for me.”

At those words, you both closed the gap between you two and kissed. Your lips were pressed together for a few seconds before you both pulled away for the same amount of time. During that time, Bakugou kept his lips hovering over yours before pecking your lips a few times and then giving you a real, passionate kiss. Due to the small amount of alcohol in your system you happily returned it. Your hands found way into his hair and his found home on your waist. When you took a small breath, Bakugou slipped his tongue in and you both fought for dominance. In the heat of the moment, Bakugou carried you to sit on his lap and you followed his lead. Your tongues continued to tangle as Bakugou’s hands caressed your body.

They moved down to the hill of your ass and gave it a firm squeeze. You moaned into the kiss and it was music to his ears. Almost as good as the sweet lullaby you sang an hour ago. Soon enough, his hands traveled under your shirt and bra to fondle your plush breast. This made you let go of the kiss and throw your head back as you released soft moans. Bakugou didn’t stop and went into kiss your neck. He left sweet pecks before he left a few hickeys. His mouth moved around your neck before he found your sweet spot, earning a needy sound from you. Bakugou began nipping at the spot and licking the soft skin. His actions caused your hands to tug at his hair and made your hips naturally grind against his center. This made Bakugou groan as he gently layed you on your back on the couch. His body found way in between your legs as he separated from your neck and took notice of your flushed face. He smirked at the sight and his eyes traveled to your shirt, where his hands were hidden under. Deciding to change that, his hands left your valley of breast to push your shirt and bra up to expose your chest.

“Beautiful...” was what he whispered before going in to take one of your mounds in his mouth. You gasped and squealed at the sensation of his mouth covering one breast and his hand massaging the other. Bakugou continued to mark up your chest, leaving love bites and bruises all over.

“Ngh...Katsuki..” you whined. Both your centers began to grind against each other as the two of you were pretty much dry humping one another. Bakugou bit at your nipple, causing you to squirm.

“Easy Princess, I got you. Daddy’s got you, Love.” He said as he used both hands to rub soothing motions into your bare waist. You settled as Katsuki kissed a trail back up to your neck and whispered into your ear. “I’m gonna take such good care of you tonight, Y/N.”

His hand glided off your chest, down your stomach and down your pants. His movements had the wetness between your legs growing and his husky voice definitely didn’t calm it down. His hands slid into your panties and his finger took a swipe at your slick.

“So wet...and it’s all for me..right baby?” He smirked against your cheek.

“Y-Yes Katsuki!” You said as you attempted to grind against his hand before Katsuki pulled it away.

“Try again,” he said with a seductive tone. You were confused on what he meant but you were growing so desperate for a touch. His touch. So your mind began to scramble and think. Master? No. Sir? No. Senpai? Hell no.

“..Daddy.” You softly said. You watched as Bakugou’s smirk grew before he kissed your cheek in approval.

“Good girl.” His finger soon returned to your center and after running it up and down a few times, he slowly pushed two in. You gasped at his thick length as Bakugou pumped his hand in and out of you. Wanting to test the waters a bit more, he slid in a third finger as he picked up the speed a bit.

“O-Oh my god!” Your hips began to grind against his hand and Bakugou curled his fingers. “Fuck!”

“Feel good, baby?” Bakugou asked as he began to grind against the underside of your thigh. Your lower body began to slightly shake as his fingers reached a sensitive spot.

“Yes Daddy!” You cried out. You felt the coil in your stomach tightening, signaling a familiar sensation to almost be reached. Growing more riled up and wanting more room on the couch, Bakugou began to throw the decor pillows off the couch. The pillows flew around the living room knocking a few things over, including the family picture. The sound reached your ears and the sight of the broken frame snapped you out of your pleasured state. Your eyes grew wide as you finally came to and realized what you were doing. “Ngh, no!”

You pushed Katsuki off of you and pulled your shirt back down to cover yourself back up. Bakugou looked at you in shock and confusion as he watched you sit up and settle down. “Y/N...?”

Your hands covered your face for a second before rubbing at your temples for a bit. “No, I- ..*sigh* I’m so sorry Katsuki.”

“Uh..no..I-..I guess that was my fault. I’m sorry I just...”

“Ugh..no. Katsuki it’s not that.”

“I just thought you..felt the same way,” he said as he sat back and rubbed the back of his neck.

“No, Katsuki I do, really, it’s just...”

“So then..why’d you stop?” He asked as he looked at you with a nervous and awkward smile.

“Katsuki..you’re married. I’m sorry, I really like you but..I just can’t bring myself to come onto someone who is already in a relationship.” You explained.

‘Wow. She really is a perfect person,’ Bakugou thought to himself. “Y/N, if that’s the problem then don’t worry about it. I don’t even love Leiko, much less like that bitch.” Bakugou moved in to wrap his arm around your waist but you pushed it away.

“So then why are you still with her?” You asked. Katsuki smirked at your words and laughed a little.

“S’a good question,” he said. Right after those words left his mouth, keys could be heard opening the door and in came the bitch herself.

“What’s a good question?” Leiko said as she looked around. She took notice of yours and Katsuki’s presence on the couch, along with the bottle of wine and empty, used glasses. “Well? Is somebody going to explain? What was the question?” Leiko asked as she walked into the house, closing the front door.

Bakugou smiled at you with full eye contact before standing up and facing his wife. “Why am I still with you?”

Leiko raised a brow at the question and her anger began to boil. “What?” She sternly asked.

“Why am I still with you? I don’t love you, I don’t like you, I only stayed with you because we had Katsuo, our child which you don’t even love. In fact, the only thing you do love is my money, or more so, money in general, and yourself. You’re a conceited ass bitch who’s just taking up space in my life. You’re suffocating Katsuo and I by just existing and you’re holding the title of my wife, a title that Y/N should have. So why the fuck am I still with you?” Bakugou said with a stern voice.

“You-...You’re with me because I’m the mother of your child.” Leiko said with hesitation in her voice.

“Are you? Because you’re never around to be a mother for him. Katsuo doesn’t even care whether you’re here or not. Your presence in the house doesn’t make a damn difference. If anything, Y/N’s more of a mother to Katsuo than you.” Bakugou replied.

You grew uncomfortable with the situation and made an attempt to leave. “Umm..I think I should go-“

“No,” Bakugou began. “You’re staying. I want you to see this thing through to the end, beautiful.”

“Beautiful?! The only woman you should be calling beautiful is your wife Katsuki!” Leiko complained. “Not that slut!”

Now you were a uncomfortable but you were not no slut and you definitely didn’t take shit from nobody. “Excuse me?” You said with attitude but before you could continue, Bakugou intervened.

“Call her a slut again and I’ll blow your ass to bits. Let’s not forget, you had the title of a whore before being called my wife.” Bakugou said with the intent to cause pain.

“Well I may have been a whore but at least I never cheated, which is what I’m sure you were planning on doing with her if I hadn’t come home.” Leiko said.

“You’re damn right I was! Lucky for you, Y/N’s a good person so nothing actually went down but if she gave me the chance, please fucking believe I’d take it in a heartbeat. Matter of fact, if she gave me the chance to wife her up and make her Katsuo’s new mom I’d do that in a heartbeat too.” Bakugou said while looking at you. You felt your heart speed up a little due to his confession but you turned your head to the side to hide your growing blush. Bakugou smirked at the sight before Leiko interrupted.

“What the hell are you trying to say?!” Leiko asked with anger.

“I’m saying I don’t love or like you and I never did! And after 2 years of getting to know Y/N after falling for her at first sight, I can finally fucking say that I’m in love with somebody and it’s her!” Bakugou turned to face you as his wife’s jaw dropped. “Y/N, I’m fucking in love with you. Alright? I have been for the past 2 years already, ever since I met you. And to the bitch behind me,” Bakugou said and turned to face Leiko. “If it wasn’t already obvious, we’re getting a divorce.”

Leiko was fuming as her face grew red with anger. She began laughing in disbelief. “Hah, fine! Fine whatever! Like I give a fuck! Y/N you can have him and the damn kid! I never wanted him anyway! The damn brat just gave me an excuse to keep Bakugou’s fat wallet around. But when you come crawling back, don’t expect me to say yes Katsuki!”

“Well don’t expect me to come crawling back, ‘cause if I’m able to get Y/N to give me a chance, then I won’t be needing anyone else except for her and my son. You can get the fuck out now. I’ll send you your shit and the divorce papers to wherever the fuck you decide to stay.” Bakugou said as he gestured to the door. Leiko screamed some more nonsense that nobody payed attention to and finally walked out the door and slammed it shut.

Silence rang throughout the house for a few minutes after the official split between the toxic couple. Bakugou turned to face you with a small smile as he stood infront of you.

“Well?” He asked.

“Heh, well what?” You asked with a laugh.

“I uh..heh, it wasn’t the way I wanted to tell you but I got my confession out...” Bakugou took a seat next to you and took hold of your hand. He brought it up to his lips, placing a peck to your knuckles before speaking. “..I love you Y/N. I know I do..and I know this might be a bad time to ask considering what just went down-“

“Uh, yeah. A really bad time,” you said with a little giggle.

“Right but umm..do you...how do you feel about me?” He asked with a nervous pulse beating throughout his body. He had to know. Do you love him just for his looks? Did you just want to fuck? Did you actually feel something towards him?

You smiled before using your other hand to grab hold of Katsuki’s shoulder and pulled him in for a sweet kiss. Katsuki’s body jumped in excitement but his hands were quick to hold onto your waist. This kiss was sweet and loving and lasted for some time before you pulled back. You smiled at the blonde as he looked at you with anticipating eyes.

“I love you too Katsuki.” Before you could even process anything, Katsuki had already pounced on you and pinned you to the couch in a hug. He had his arms wrapped around your waist as he tucked his head in the crevasse of your neck.

“God, I’ve been waiting years to hear you say those words.” Bakugou said before he began covering your face in thousands of loving kissed. You giggled at the ticklish and loving feeling and just smiled as you allowed Katsuki to show you his love.

—

Time passed and you and Katsuki stayed cuddled up on the couch. Nothing sexual, nothing nasty, just pure love induced cuddle time. Eventually, the late hours of the night exposed themselves and so you had to go.

“Katsuki, get up,” you said in a soft voice.

“No.” You laughed at his quick reply and began to push at his body to get him off.

“C’mon Katsuki seriously. I have to go home!” You said with another laugh.

“No. Katsuo and I are your new home.” He said, making his body become dead weight to stop you from going.

“Oof! Katsuki!! C’mon!” You whined out with a chuckle. Katsuki laughed with you but you kept trying. “You both are my new home, but my old home has comfy pjs for me to sleep in.”

“I can give you one of my shirts to sleep in. You’d look so amazing in them, princess.” He said with a smile as he imagined how you’d look prancing around in his clothes. It wasn’t the first time he thought about it but just knowing it was so close to becoming true sent butterflies all over his body.

“C’mon Katsuki. You already made me miss my class, the least you could do is let me go back to my apartment.” You said. Bakugou raised his head to look at you with a grin plastered on his face.

“You stayed on your own free will. S’not my fault you love talking to me. Let’s not forget what happened after our long talk too,” Bakugou said, hinting at your scandalous acts with him before you stopped anything else from happening. You rolled your eyes at his words before he spoke up again. “Matter of fact, maybe we should pick up where we left off,” he said and began kissing your cheek.

“Noooo, Katsuki, seriously. I’m tired, I just want to sleep.” You said with a smile.

“So sleep here,” he bargained. You looked at him with a raised brow, silently asking him to go on. “I was serious about having you stay over. You can sleep in my shirt and we can both fall asleep in the guest room.”

“Both of us in the guest room?” You questioned.

“Yeah. I’d let you sleep in my room but I’m not letting that bitch’s leftover presence contaminate you.” You laughed at his insults but allowed him to continue. “And yes both of us. I’m not going to sleep without my princess in my arms.”

You couldn’t lie, the sound of falling asleep in Katsuki’s arms in his clothes was pretty tempting. After taking a look at Katsuki and seeing the same puppy eyes that Katsuo was able to persuade you with, you gave in.

“Fine.”

“Yes!” Bakugou said with a fist in the air as he cuddled in closer.

—

Bakugou finally let you go and allowed you to take a shower. While you were in there, he took a quick drive to the corner store and bought some compression shorts for you. When he returned he left one of his shirts and a pair of the compression shorts for you on the guest bed as he went to get ready for bed in his own room. You walked into the guest room and saw the shorts and shirt and put them on. You looked in the mirror and noticed the shorts weren’t even noticeable considering their tiny length and the large size of Katsuki’s shirt. While staring at yourself, Katsuki walked in wearing nothing but gray sweats. He took a glance at you and was drooling over your body in his clothes.

“...Wow,” he whispered but you heard. You turned to face him and smiled. You walked to him and wrapped you arms around his neck.

“Hey Suki, ready for bed?” You said. Bakugou smiled at the new name as a small blush dusted over his cheeks.

“Suki?”

“New name for you. Like it?” You asked.

“Love it.” He said and pecked your lips before picking you up and carrying you to the bed. He dropped you onto the soft mattress and flopped on top of you. You both laughed a little before getting under the blankets and cuddling up against each other again.

Time passed and Katsuki felt at peace finally with you in his arms. Like the missing part of him was finally filled in. You were so happy and felt so loved in the safety of his arms. Staying the night was definitely worth it.

“I’m so glad Y/N. I love you so much and I’ve wanted you for so long.” He said with your head tucked under his chin. You smiled at his words and nuzzled into his chest.

“Well congrats Katsuki. ‘Cause now, you have me.” Katsuki kissed the crown of your head before falling asleep. And when he woke up that morning to find you in the kitchen with Katsuo on your hip as you made breakfast, he smiled with a full heart as he walked to you both and remembered your words.

“You have me.”

A/N: Hey y’all, for a better experience with the story, I do recommend clicking the link where Y/N sang to Katsuo. I put two links in the story. The heels class and Y/N’s singing, (which is from Rio 2, Jewel’s lullaby) Don’t judge me, that’s the best lullaby ever😂 If you don’t know what a heels class is in dancing, it is basically...dancing with heels😂 Umm...yeah. THE ENDING IS SO RUSHED, IM SO SORRY!

TAGLIST:  @sxcker4you @aomi04

[free-pool-trash]

x of swords - george weasley

part one of three

Summary: Growing up as Harry’s neighbor, you always believed that you were completely regular. In an attempt to feel closer to Harry (your best friend) you begin to dabble in the art of divination and, in the process, you uncover magic that you didn’t know you had. (i hate doing summaries this does not sum it up but you get the jist)

Relationships: George Weasley x Reader, platonic!Harry Potter x Reader, platonic!OC x Reader, platonic!Sirius Black x Reader, platonic!Remus Lupin x Reader, platonic!Fred Weasley x Reader, platonic!Nymphadora Tonks x Reader, platonic!Molly Weasley x Reader, platonic!Hermoine Granger x Reader, Sirius Black x Remus Lupin

Warnings: Swearing, anxiety, fluff, angst, mentions of torture, mentions of death (let me know if I missed anything!)

Word count: 22.9k 

so here it is 😏 i was going to wait until i was completely finished with this to post it but i didn’t wanna rush it and oh my god it’s already so long  😫 I’m moving to Edinburgh in 2 weeks so i won’t be able to write as i have so much to pack so i hope this keeps some of you happy for a while <3 obviously i put a lot of effort into this and spent a lot of time on it so i really hope yall like it and i will personally kiss everyone who comments. likes or reblogs <3

mastelist

Life on Privet Drive was definitely something- something being incredibly boring. Nothing even remotely exciting happened on the street and the company was, to put it simply, miserable.

You’d lived in 5 Privet Drive since birth which, unfortunately for you, meant that your family are extremely close with the Dursleys who live next door. The Dursleys are a family of bigoted, pig-headed bullies. Made up of Petunia, Vernon, Dudley and, in your opinion the only tolerable one, Harry.

From the age of five, Harry had been your only friend on the street and vice versa. Initially, the both of you had bonded over your dislike of Dudley but as the years rolled on Harry and yourself had become virtually inseparable.

It was certainly strange- how close your parents were with Petunia and Vernon. Your mother and father are actually quite lovely, they are the complete opposite of the Dursleys, they’re open minded, kind and extremely friendly. But, you supposed, their friendliness didn’t discriminate from person to person, even if said person forced their orphaned nephew to sleep in the cupboard underneath the stairs.

There was no denying that Harry had been miserable with the Dursleys, who were unfortunately his only remaining family and you supposed you should’ve been happy when your best friend finally got away from them after his 11th birthday.

You’d missed him for the entire school year and you only got a chance to ask where he’d actually gone off to when he’d arrived home for the summer. (You didn’t believe the story Vernon had spun about Harry attending a boarding school for juvenile trouble makers).

“It’s incredible, (Y/n), honestly! I wish you could be there too.” He’d told you when you finally saw him again, after he’d finished his first year in his mysterious boarding school.

“That’s great, Haz, but where exactly is it?” You wondered and Harry only gave you his signature grin.

“Scotland.”

With a heavy sigh you let the subject go, he was clearly happy wherever he was going to school so it didn’t matter where or what it was. As long as he was happy.

By the time his 12th birthday rolled around you’d found the perfect gift for him. You’d made your parents buy you a polaroid camera for him to take away to school, he’d told you so many amazing stories about his school, you wanted to see some of it for yourself so you figured a camera would be the best course of action.

The morning of his birthday, Harry was woken up by the sound of pebbles tapping against his barred up window. The boy looked out to see you waving at him, an excited smile on your face and a neatly wrapped present in your other hand. Harry couldn’t stop the smile that formed on his face as you beckoned him down with your hand. It was barely dawn but you knew better than to give a present for Harry to either his aunt or uncle because they’d only give it to Dudley, so it was best to get it to him before the rest of his supposed family woke up.

Hogwarts was amazing and Harry was over the moon to have discovered he was a wizard and make so many new friends, but he had missed you- his only friend in the muggle world. Your birthday was only a few weeks after his and he hoped that maybe you’d get a hogwarts letter of your own, obviously that hadn’t happened. Nonetheless he was happy to see you in the summer, he couldn’t shake the thought that Ron and Hermione would have loved to meet you though.

Slowly and quietly, Harry snook down the stairs and out the front door to meet you.

“Happy birthday, Haz!” You whisper-shouted excitedly, pulling the green-eyed boy into your house so he wouldn’t get caught outside when he wasn’t even allowed out of his bedroom.

Harry rolled his eyes at the nickname, “I hope you know that you’re still the only person who calls me that.”

“Good,” you said happily, closing the front door behind you. “Anyway, I got you something that you can bring away to school with you!” He rose an eyebrow at you as you pushed the carefully wrapped box into his hands, “Open it,” you instructed. And so he did.

It was very possibly the most expensive gift he’d ever gotten, you (or your parents) usually got Harry presents that couldn’t be stolen by Dudley. For example, your mother had taken to buying Harry his own clothes, seeing as your best friend was a lot taller and thinner than his horrid cousin.

You, on the other hand, would usually make him gifts with sentimental value, something Dudley had absolutely zero interest in. The camera though, you knew would be safe as Harry would be leaving for school again soon enough.

Harry stared dumbfounded at the cardboard box that held the rather large polaroid camera, judging by the image on the box it was a good quality thing, probably expensive. “This is… really nice, (Y/n).”

A bright smile found your lips as you rushed into an animated explanation about why you’d picked a camera as his birthday present this year.

“So you can take lots of pictures of you and your new friends in your new fancy private school and when you come back here you can show them to me!” Harry chuckled and nodded his head, hoping he’d be able to find time to take pictures like you wanted.

“I’ll take pictures of everything. Promise.” He told you, holding out his pinky with a cheeky grin. You linked your pinky with his and nodded gratefully.

“We should christen it,” Harry announced, tearing into the box and he quickly set the camera up before he pointed it at you expectantly. “Well, come on then. I’ve told my school friends all about you, they’re going to want to see what you look like too. So, smile-“ with a disbelieving laugh, you crossed your legs underneath yourself from where you were sitting on the floor across from Harry, and tucked your hair behind your ears before you looked directly at the lense of the camera and gave it the brightest smile you could muster. The camera flashed and the picture slowly revealed itself, it seemed to be good enough to satisfy Harry’s twelve year old self.

He’d shown the polaroid to Hermione first, the bushy haired girl had smiled softly as she held the polaroid gently, “She seems lovely, Harry.”

Harry had nodded his head in agreement, you were lovely. He just hoped Dudley wasn’t terrorising you too much while he was away. His cousin always had somewhat of a crush on you, which Harry knew was ridiculous considering you all but loathed Dudley.

True to his word, Harry had taken plenty of pictures, many were of (non-magic) areas of the Hogwarts campus, many were of his friends; Ron, Hermione, Fred and George Weasley (who had an absolute field day with the muggle contraption), one or two of Hagrid and he even managed to capture a nice one of the owlery. Although you were one of his best friends, sometimes thinking about you while he was in Hogwarts brought his mood down. It reminded him of how much he wished you could’ve shared in his adventures and not to mention how much he missed you, you could hardly send him an owl, what with being a muggle and all, so he only got to spend time with you during the summer months.

Things had changed during his third year, though. When he received a rather shocking, albeit very welcome, letter.

Dear Harry,

I’d like to start by saying: hi, how are you? How’s school? Good? Great. Now that that’s out of the way… when you come home I’m going to KILL you!!! I cannot believe you didn’t tell me you are a wizard! Well, I understand why you didn’t but anyway.

You’re probably wondering how I found all of this out. Long story short, I saw Vernon’s sister floating around your sitting room and then I saw you running out swinging a wand around. I put two and two together. You would not believe how long it took me to figure out how to get in contact with you. I practically had to beg Dudley to tell me how to get this package to you, he eventually told me how in exchange for a kiss on the cheek. It was as horrifying as it sounds, the things I do for you, Haz, honestly. Don’t worry though, you can make it up to me over the summer.

I bought an owl by the way. I’m guessing she found you okay? Look after her for a little while before sending her back will you? She’s just a baby so she can’t do too much long distance travel just yet.The lady I got her from is a witch, she was very kind and knew exactly what I was looking to use an owl for. Her name is Astra (the owl’s not the lady’s)! Isn’t she lovely?

Moving on from that, I felt bad forcing you to send me pictures and getting nothing in return so I have decided to very kindly grace you with my exhilaratingly normal life. You will also find I sent you some of those sweets you like.

Tell Ron and Hermione that I said hi! Oh and Fred and George too! Get into lots of trouble for me ;) I suppose I better stop rambling now, sorry about that I’m just excited (and i might be missing you… just a tiny bit!)

Write back to me soon, if you can! Tell Astra I’m proud of her for making her first delivery! (give her plenty of treats for me yeah?)

I’ll let you get back to your wizardy stuff now, Haz.

Lots of love,

(Y/n) xoxo

P.s. your magical secret is safe with me. promise.

Harry looked up from your letter with a dazed smile, your new little owl was looking at him expectantly, no doubt awaiting her treat, “Good job, Astra. Your owner says she’s very proud of you,” he informed her, handing her a piece of bacon from his breakfast plate and laughed when she hooted happily.

Astra is a gorgeous little tawny, she has brown and white feathers that were fluffy to the touch. Harry could already tell she was well suited to you though, she was friendly as anything with the most curious eyes he’d ever seen.

“Whose it from?” Ron grunted from beside him, munching happily on his huge breakfast.

Harry let out a short laugh, digging into the envelope to pull out the photos and sweets you’d sent, “(Y/n).”

“I thought she didn’t know about you?” Hermione asked from beside Ron, Harry only shrugged.

“She figured it out. She’s quite clever, I think you’d like her Hermione. She says hi by the way.” He answered somewhat distantly, distracted by the pictures you’d sent, all of which had writing on the backs. He paused on one photo, he guessed one of your parents had taken it, you were stood in the woods, surrounded by trees with a huge smile on your face, your eyes were closed and your nose was scrunched up as a very tiny Astra seemed to be nibbling at your ear affectionately.

“I’m sure we’d get along, I admire her determination, really. And she even bought an owl?” The girl questioned, reaching over and petting Astra gently.

Harry’s smile was gentle as Astra hopped onto his shoulder, “Yeah, suppose she did.”

“Alright! I’m gonna say it!” George Weasley exclaimed, plucking the photo of you from Harry’s grasp, he held it between himself and Fred, the older twin had somehow swiped the letter you’d written. “Harry’s girlfriend back home is quite cute, don’t you think, Freddie?” Fred nodded resolutely, pushing the letter into George’s face as he pointed towards a specific line.

“I have to agree and look, Georgie, she told Harry to tell us that she says hi! Ugh, such a darling,” Fred fake swooned and Harry felt his face heat up while George made kissy faces.

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Yeah, you had opened Harry up to a whole new world of teasing yet somehow he didn’t mind.

“Oi, do you think she’d like some of our Weasley products?” George asked genuinely, wiggling his eyebrows. Harry shuddered at the thought of you getting a hold of anything that Fred and George had created, because yes, you would like some magical pranking products. You had quite a talent for mischief, only in Harry’s worst nightmares would the Weasley twins ever get their hands on you.

Harry shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, “Dunno.”

“She single?” Fred asked jokingly and Harry scrunched his face up. He supposed you were single, though, he’d never really pictured you with anyone. He felt quite protective over you, but he supposed he'd like to see you happy with someone he approved of- or alternatively; anyone but Dudley.

“Think so,” Harry told him with another shrug before a cheeky grin spread across his lips, as he focused his attention on the twins who were nudging each other in mock victory, “Why? Should I write home and tell her the esteemed Weasley twins have a crush on her?”

George was the first the speak, he nodded, completely serious and Harry found himself worrying that perhaps one of the Weasley twins would get his hands on you.

“Yes. Absolutely,” Fred snorted and said no more, allowing his younger twin to continue the girl based antics seeing as Fred’s actual crush, Angelina, had started to glare. “In fact, give her my name. Tell her to write to me next time, eh?”

Harry’s eyes widened, oh Merlin, George was serious.

“Oh sod off, would you? The poor girl is a muggle, she’d throw herself off the astronomy tower if she got stuck with either of you prats.” Ron said through a laugh, none of them could deny it was quite funny, even Hermione had to bite back a smile at the chaos your simple letter had caused.

Around two weeks had passed until Astra returned to you, two letters attached to her leg this time.

You greeted her with a warm smile as she landed on the inside of you window, “Welcome home, pretty lady! Did you have a nice trip?” You cooed, patting her feathers and giggling when she nuzzled her head against your fingers. Having a magical owl as a pet was weird, but still, you seemed to be managing her okay.

Astra hooted happily, as if informing you that she did, in fact, have a nice trip. “That’s good! Let me take these letters off and you can have a well deserved rest, I’ve made a nice nest up for you,” you rambled softly as you untied the string that was holding the letters to her leg.

Astra hooted, hopping onto your arm and allowing you to place her on the plush pile of pillows and blankets which she immediately made herself comfortable upon, once again hooting in content when you placed a handful of treats in front of her.

You assumed that both letters were from Harry until you noticed the messy handwriting that covered one of the envelopes, handwriting that definitely didn’t belong to Harry. Besides, never, even in the furthest reaches of your imagination, would your best friend ever refer to you as; “Harry’s Pretty Neighbour”. You set that one to the side for the time being and focused on the letter you knew to actually be from Harry.

Dear (Y/n),

Hi. Sorry I didn’t tell you I was a wizard. If it makes you feel better I was actually planning on telling you this summer, but thank you for saving me from that conversation. I miss you too (only a tad). I hope you’re having a good school year so far, it’s been pretty chaotic here but I promise I’ll tell you every single tiny detail when we see each other at the end of May!

Did Astra get home okay? She’s a really lovely owl, she took quite a liking to George who (terrifyingly) has taken quite a liking to you. He’s been badgering me all week for “permission” to write to you, in his words, “just to say hello.” I think you’d actually get along but he and the rest of his family are very magic oriented, I’d be surprised if he didn’t scare you away… the pair of you together would be my worst nightmare. Don’t even get me started on how I’d feel if Fred was in the mix too. I’m tired just thinking about it.

Thank you for the sweets they were lovely, I put a chocolate frog in the envelope for you, it’s a really popular sweet in the wizarding world- don’t freak out when it hops, it’s just a charm the frog isn’t really alive.

I enjoyed the pictures too, I put a few in this letter for you too, the polaroid is running out of film but it should be enough to keep me going until the end of term.

Write to me again soon, I like hearing from you.

Take care,

Harry.

P.S. I’m really sorry you had to kiss Dudley, I’ll do something to make it up to you. Promise.

P.P.S. If George OR Fred manage to write to you PLEASE don’t eat anything they give you.

With a laugh you set the letter down beside you. Curiously, you reached a hand into the ivory envelope and pulled out the peculiarly shaped chocolate box as well as the polaroids. You viewed the photos with a fond smile, Harry always looked so happy, even with whatever chaos was happening around him. Wizard school definitely made your best friend the happiest he’d ever been.

Opening the next letter, which you now guessed judging by Harry’s letter, came from George Weasley, Harry’s friend Ron’s older brother. That was all you knew about him. You let out a gasp once you opened the seal, a small show of tiny fireworks shot out, exploding in balls of reds and oranges across your bedroom before they disappeared as if they’d never been there in the first place.

Slightly frazzled, yet amazed, you cautiously plucked the letter from the envelope and began reading.

Hello, Harry’s Pretty Neighbour.

I hope you enjoyed the show, hopefully it didn’t startle you too much… I’m not exactly sure what muggles are used to… if it did scare you I’m sorry.

Anyway, just wanted to say hi. Promised Harry I wouldn’t spook you, he’s quite protective of you, you know. It’s very sweet.

I don’t blame him, though. If I had a friend as pretty as you I’d be protective too ;)

Don’t break my heart, write back?

Yours truly,

George Weasley x

And that had been the start of it. Two years had passed since you’d discovered the wizarding world and it seemed as though things had simultaneously gotten worse and better. As it turns out, your lifelong best friend was some sort of prophetic hero in the wizard community and on top of that it seemed that there was a war brewing that he would be expected to lead.

Of course, you were completely useless as you don’t possess the ability to perform magic which also means you're at risk of being hate crimed by some classist, wizard, blood supremacists? You weren’t sure. But Harry was worried.

You’d been writing back and forth to a few of Harry’s Hogwarts friends (your friends now too) for a long while now, you’d even gotten a chance to finally meet them when you’d gone with the Dursleys to collect Harry from King’s Cross Station.

You got along best with Hermione seeing as she was raised similarly to yourself and Harry. However, of all of Harry’s school mates, you liked George the most. Everyone could have predicted it really, you’d been writing to each other constantly and the second you’d clapped eyes on each other in the flesh he’d broken out in a run to crush you in a hug. Harry had groaned at the sight of the pair of you, smiling widely at each other, seeming to slot together perfectly. He had to laugh about it now though, if things went well with Ginny he supposed you’d probably end up being his sister-in-law, assuming his predictions of George falling completely in love with you were correct (they were, he knew).

All air of laughter or wizard/muggle romances was gone at the moment however. You and Harry sat alongside each other, your hand holding his loosely between the swings you were sat on, he’d be going into his 5th year at Hogwarts soon, he’d yet to recover from the last. He’d made a friend only for that friend to be killed right in front of him. He’d almost been murdered himself for God’s sake.

“If you don’t feel safe, Haz… maybe, I don’t know? Don’t go back?” You suggested weakly, knowing he’d never do such a thing. As you expected, Harry shook his head and looked at you solemnly.

“Can’t. Not now that he’s back.” With a sigh you squeezed his hand.

“They should be paying you for this, you know,” Harry chuckled then, squeezing your hand in return.

“I’m doing this for you too. To keep you safe.” He admitted and you sighed miserably.

“I wish I could be of more help.” Harry scoffed, his green eyes shining with pure disbelief as he stared at you.

“More help? (Y/n) you must be joking…” he trailed off as you shook your head, you weren’t joking, you hated that you couldn’t help Harry through this, for once you knew there was nothing you could do to improve the situation in any way that would make an impact, “Oi. Look at me,” Harry demanded, no trace of the usual awkward sarcasm to be heard when he spoke.

You let your eyes meet his again and watched how they seemed to soften when he took in how utterly defenceless you looked, “If it hadn’t been for you, the first ten years of my life would’ve been an even worse hell than they already were. You were the only good thing and you’re still the only good thing about being back in this place.”

He watched sadly as your eyes fell to the floor again, “Besides, the sooner we get this mess with Voldemort sorted out, the sooner you and George Weasley can navigate the whole muggle/wizard romance thing.”

At his statement you barked out a laugh and Harry let himself smile too, “Shut up, Potter. S’not like that.”

Harry laughed then too, “Oh it is so like that, (N/n).”

“It so isn’t.” You grumbled, but your little smile confirmed to Harry that it absolutely was like that.

“Okay. Fine, please then do tell, what is going on between you and the infamous George Weasley?” Harry challenged, revelling in the way your cheeks burned with embarrassment. He let out a low chuckle when you shrugged shyly and kicked the stones beneath your feet.

“I don’t know… We write to each other a lot, and I think he’s really interesting and funny and sweet and of course I think he’s fit. But, I don’t know,” you bit your lip as Harry listened to you, he found it quite endearing. “I just don’t see how it would work. I like him, yeah, but…” Harry scoffed again as you trailed off. He hated seeing you feeling so insecure, Harry was clueless about a lot of things, but he knew exactly how much his best friend was worth- more than all the gold in Gringott’s.

“Ok as your best mate, and as someone who is very close with the Weasley family, I’m telling you that he’s mad about you. All he ever does is ask me about you, Fred is completely sick of him. He’s even told Molly about you, which is truly a commitment believe me,” Harry started, growing more content with the more bashful you became, “And didn’t he write to you just before the Yule Ball to tell you that he was going with Katie Bell as a friend but he wanted to tell you just incase you heard it from someone else and he didn’t want you to get the wrong idea?” Finally, you were back to fighting a smile.

“Yeah he did.”

“Well there you go. But seriously he hasn’t dated or even so much as looked at anyone else since he met you. Which I’ll be honest is super annoying for me but you deserve someone who thinks you hung the stars in the sky.”

A mock gasp left your lips and you released his hand to place it over your chest in faux hurt, ��You mean to tell me you don’t think I hung the stars in the sky? I’m hurt, Harry. I think I’ll have to rat you out to Mrs. Weasley.”

Harry laughed but the lighthearted atmosphere didn’t last long before Dudley had shown up with his little gang of bullies, all of whom made fun of Harry’s nightmares.

It was then things had taken a turn for the worst, the sky turned black and storm clouds completely blocked out the previously scorching sun. You looked to Harry for answers but he seemed to be seeing something that you couldn’t, all you knew was that it had become unbearably cold, a feeling of misery making a home in your bones as Harry rushed to pull you to your feet.

“Run! Come on!” He shouted, clutching your hand tightly in his and sprinting through the neighbourhood until you, Harry and Dudley found yourselves struggling to catch a breath in a graffiti covered tunnel.

A terrified yelp left your throat as what you’d been running from revealed itself to you.

Several floating, cloaked shadowy figures swooped into the tunnel on both sides, their hands decaying and boney, their presence leaving you with the feeling that you’d never know positively ever again.

Harry had effectively used his body to cage you against the wall of the tunnel, his back pressed firmly against your chest, your own back pressed to the cold concrete wall, his wand was at the ready as the creatures approached rapidly.

“Don’t look at them.” Harry instructed, protecting you first as you watched in horror as one of the creatures seemed to be ripping Dudley’s essence straight out of his body.

It only took Harry a few painfully long seconds to take care of the creature in front of the pair of you, you’d wished you’d taken his advice and buried your head in his shoulder so you wouldn’t see the monstrous creatures before you, yet, you couldn’t seem to tear your eyes away from Dudley.

The rest happened in a blur, Harry had yet to let go of your hand as it (and your entire body) shook violently. Demontors broke even the strongest of wizards, Harry knew that as a muggle who’d never seen a magical creature, other than an owl, you’d react negatively.

“If it makes you feel any better, I used to faint every time I saw a dementor.” You nodded numbly, giving Dudley a side glance of concern while he mumbled incoherently to himself.

“Is he alright?” You questioned meekly, voice shaking. You were still freezing and the all too familiar feeling of uselessness didn’t do anything to help you regain your inner warmth.

Harry nodded, “He will be.”

“The ministry will be after my head for using magic outside of school,” he told you after a few minutes, squeezing your hand lightly for the umpteenth time, “So I’m gonna have to go away for a while. Probably tonight. Eat some chocolate, it should stop the shaking.” He told you, you hadn’t even noticed you’d reached Privet Drive.

“And they won’t-“ your breath got caught in your throat and your eyes filled with fear, “The dementors. They won’t come back, will they?”

Harry shook his head, “No. But come on, we should get you inside before the ministry shows up and tries to obliviate you.” His final words came out as more of a mumble than an actual sentence as he passed a bumbling Dudley over to Petunia and Vernon before steering you down your own driveway.

“You better not have broken her too, boy!” You vaguely registered Vernon’s voice shouting in your and Harry’s direction.

Your parents were away on holiday at the moment, in Spain. They’d wanted you to come but you hadn’t wanted to miss Harry’s visit, so when you shakily managed to open the door the house was completely dark, you weren’t sure at what point night had fallen.

Harry closed the door behind himself and made his way into your kitchen, the boy rifled through your sweet press before his hand finally settled on what he was looking for. A triumphant sort of yell left his lips as he pulled a bar of chocolate out of the cupboard.

While Harry tossed the bar onto the counter and busied himself with boiling the kettle, you stood in the hallway still, completely rigid.

“Come on, (Y/n). Sit down.” He urged gently, not turning around. Wordlessly, you fully entered the kitchen and slid into a chair facing Harry.

“Don’t you have better things to be doing than making me tea?” You wondered, setting your hands on the table and fidgeting with your icy fingers. Obviously, you appreciated Harry’s fussing but with the way he was talking about the ministry earlier you were sure he had more important things to worry about.

Harry only faced you once he was finished making your tea. He carried the hot cup and the previously discarded bar of chocolate over to you, he placed them both on the table before giving you a hard look, “I’m looking after you first. I’ll deal with everything else later.”

“I used to be the one who took care of you.” You said through a sigh, taking a sip of the hot tea and slumping against your seat as you began to heat up on the inside again.

Harry let out a low chuckle, “Oh how the tables have turned.”

“I liked it better the other way.” You complained, munching on a square of chocolate.

“Trust me, so did I,” Harry groaned, standing up and placing a comforting hand on your shoulder, “Don’t worry though, (N/n). Have a sneaking feeling that you’ll be looking after me again soon enough.”

You patted the hand he had clamped on your shoulder in appreciation, “Thank you, though, for looking after me.”

“Course. I better go. I don’t want you getting roped into anything else tonight,” he said with a sad smile and you nodded in understanding, “We probably won’t see each other for a while but I’ll write. Is Astra back from Cecilia's yet?” Celillia is the witch you’d gotten Astra from in the first place, the pair of you had kept in touch and she’d recently offered to try and teach you some basic divination skills, she claimed that, “Being a wizard isn’t exactly a requirement” and you desperately needed something, anything, to make you feel more connected to your friends in the wizarding world. You supposed you’d need to plan a trip to her cottage soon, after tonight you definitely needed some of her wisdom.

“No, not yet. She flew straight there from the burrow so I suppose she’s probably resting,” you informed him distantly, still clutching his hand, “You’ll be careful, won’t you?”

Harry squeezed your shoulder and let out a deep breath, “I’ll try my best. Promise,” with that he lifted his hand from your shoulder and extended his pinky to you, you gladly linked it with your own. Harry noted, very gratefully, that the warmth had now returned to your hands and you’d stopped shaking so violently.

“Send me a letter once Astra gets back, alright? I’ll keep you updated on what’s going on over on my side.” You agreed before walking Harry to the door, hugging him tightly and watching as he approached the Dursley’s front door.

As predicted, Harry, George, Hermione and Cecillia had let you know that the wizarding world was crumbling fast. Admittedly you were worried about your wizard friends, but Cecillia had done a great job of keeping you distracted by keeping you buried under heaps of divination books, tarot cards and crystal guidebooks. As it turns out, though, you had quite the talent for making accurate detailed predictions.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were descended from a powerful seer,” she’d written to you in awe after you’d managed to predict exactly how a date of hers would go without missing a single detail.

Reading tarot cards quickly became one of your favourite hobbies to indulge in when you weren’t in school. You’d made the mistake of telling George about it in a recent letter, Harry already knew and he also knew that there was no point telling you that he didn’t have a heap of faith in divination. George however was having a field day with the new information.

The older boy teased you at every chance he got, but it was all in good fun as in every letter he sent, you’d find a page that he’d ripped out of his own divination book, the pages would be crinkled and have messy notes scribbled along the margins, with explanations over words that he knew you wouldn’t understand as a muggle. They were actually really helpful. Aside from all the teasing he found it quite endearing that you were trying to get familiar with some form of magic. Even if it was a form of magic wizards tended to ridicule.

He’d been quite worried about you, Harry told him about the dementors and how you’d been quite shaken up after your encounter with them. He’d written to you on a weekly basis, constantly checking in on you, making absolutely sure that no more dementors paid you a visit. He and Harry both kept you up to date with the constant and seemingly never ending rules being imposed upon them by their new headmaster, or headmistress; Delores Umbridge. George also disclosed to you all about his and Fred’s plan to leave Hogwarts and pursue their lifelong dream of opening a joke shop. You had nothing but faith in the twins, really. Your complete faith in them hadn’t stopped you from sending George a handful of crystals that you believed would help his and his shop’s success. He’d teased you relentlessly in each letter since he’d received your package containing citrine, tiger’s eye, amazonite, aventurine and smokey quartz. What he hadn’t mentioned since receiving your little gifts, is that he’d been carrying the five crystals around in their little orange mesh drawstring bag in his pocket everywhere he went. He had to give credit where credit is due and, to be fair to you and your holistic ways, he hadn’t run into any serious obstacles since he started carrying the gems around.

November through June had brought forth a plethora of unfortunate events. You were practically swimming in school work which left you with no time to write to Harry, or even practice tarot. As well as that, you’d been having nightmares, although Cecillia had warned that these dreams could hold some sort of prophesies within them, you highly doubted that though, you weren’t a wizard, only a muggle. Whether prophetic or not, the nightmares plagued you, keeping you up at night or waking you at all hours of the morning.

On one particular morning, you’d awoken with a gasp. Sweat coated your face, soaked your pillow cases and caused your legs to stick to your blankets in a way not even the June heat could've caused. Your heart pounded against your ribcage, tears welled in your eyes, and your body shook as violently as it had the night you’d come face to face with the dementors of Azkaban. The unadulterated fear coursing through your bloodstream suggested that perhaps this bad dream had been something more than simply that.

As fast as you could manage in your panicked state, you dragged your body out of bed and stumbled towards your light switch, flicking it on before haphazardly ripping a sheet out of the refill pad on your desk, grabbing a pen and beginning to scribble down the dream that you could only describe as a warning.

Your laboured breaths stirred Astra from her slumber, the tawny hooted tiredly, hopping out of her cage and fluttering over to your shoulder, settling there as you wrote.

Harry,

I hope this letter reaches you in time. I might sound completely mad but something terrible may be about to happen. I’ve been having these horrific dreams over the last few months, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry but Cecillia suspects they’re premonitions and I’m terrified she may be right. I’ve just woken up, it’s around 2am and if I’m lucky, Astra should get this letter to you before 6am…

Onto the dream, you were there and you were asleep, I was standing by your bed, it was a four-poster sort of thing, the room was decorated in mostly red and gold. You woke up panicked, you looked completely overwhelmed and you began shouting about your Godfather Sirius, about how he was in trouble… From then on I watched the day play out. You, Hermoine, Ron, Ginny, a boy with brown hair I’ve never met, I think you called him Neville in my dream, and a blonde girl- Luna I think you called her, you all went to the ministry to rescue Sirius and find some kind of prophecy. Harry you have to listen to me, you mustn’t go, it’s a trick, Voldemort planted it in your head and if you go you’ll only put Sirius in harm’s way. But, knowing you, you’re gonna go anyway… so here’s my advice: keep your eyes open for the witch Bellatrix. Keep Sirius away from the veil and please please please, be careful.

I’m heading to Cecillia’s cottage for the day and maybe even the next couple of days, send Astra there when you find time to write back.

I hope I’m wrong but if I’m not; good luck, Harry. I love you and if you don’t look after yourself the dark lord will be the least of your worries.

Lots of love,

Y/n.

Folding up the letter and placing it in a stray envelope, you addressed it and gently tied it to your loyal owl’s leg. “I’m gonna need you to go as fast as you can to get this to Harry, okay Astra?” She hooted with what you guessed to be determination before she set off, out into the night. Thankfully for you, now that your owl was occupied, you knew Cecillia owned a telephone so you’d have no problems contacting her. While writing to Harry, you’d left out a few details about the dream. You conveniently forget to mention that you’d watched his only remaining family member killed at the hand’s of Bellatrix, it had looked so terrifyingly real that your mind couldn’t have possibly conjured it up all by itself. You also failed to mention hearing Harry’s agonising scream as Sirius fell, the noise was nearly deafening. Seeing Sirius, a man you’d only seen in pictures, die and watching your best friend mourn for him was, well, traumatising. There was no way you’d get a wink of sleep for the remainder of the night, so, you quietly tiptoed downstairs and made a call.

The line rang three times before Cecillia’s voice sounded, chirpy as ever despite the late hour, “Hello?”

“Sorry to call so late,” was all you managed, your voice although shaky was immediately identified by the much older witch.

You could nearly see the soft smile on her youthful face as she spoke, “Ah, Y/n my darling, no worries at all! How is my favourite student doing at half two in the morning?”

“Not well, I’ve had another vision. I think you might’ve been right about the dreams being prophetic,” you told her, willing your voice not to crack as the image of your bad dreams crept into your mind once again.

Cecillia let out a gentle hum, “Shall I apparate over? You don’t sound in the highest of spirits, darling.”

“Yes please,” you answered simply and within seconds Cecillia was standing before you, a worried furrow in her brow and her ashy brown hair disheveled from apparating to you in such a hurry. How could she not? You were, after all, her protégé.

“Oh, darling. You look terribly shaken up, come, come, let’s get you some water,” she fretted, guiding you to your kitchen, magically flicking on the light with her wand and filling up a glass of water, with a few flicks of her wrist the glass had floated over to your usual seat at the table, meanwhile Cecillia had stirred you into the wooden chair adjacent the glass.

Wordlessly, the witch peeled your damp hair away from your face and secured it back with a crocodile clip shaped like a huge golden bumble bee, it’s wings adorned with glittering gems. The bee sat comfortably in your hair as Cecillia finally sat down beside you, she made herself comfortable on the kitchen chair, crossing one leg over the other, resting her elbow on the table and using it to prop her cheek up. Her wide green eyes stared at you sympathetically, watching intently as you sipped your water.

“I’m assuming your loyal familiar is sleeping soundly?” She wondered, referring to Astra. You shook your head, simultaneously swallowing a gulp of water before responding verbally.

“I sent her with a letter to Harry, it was more of a warning really,” Cecillia nodded her head, signalling you to go on, “I dreamt of Harry and his friends going to the Ministry of Magic to rescue Sirius Black, but it was a trap. When they got there they were ambushed by dark wizards and Sirius well he…” you trailed off, eyes growing distant and unfocused when the sight of the man being murdered reentered your mind’s eye. A gentle hand on your shoulder pulled you back to the present.

“This one was far worse than the others then?”

You nodded, “It didn’t feel like a dream, cecillia. It was like I was actually standing there but I couldn’t do anything to help though… as per usual,” you muttered bitterly, receiving a harsh squeeze to your shoulder in response.

Cecillia fixed you with a maternal glare, “None of that! You potentially saved a life tonight. And, as I effortlessly predicted since the moment I met you, you’ve got the magical gift of sight,” her hard look melted into something more forgiving as she spoke, “You’re much more than just a muggle. You may have been an extremely late bloomer, but, you’re a witch and a seer at that. A peculiar case indeed, although in the wizarding world stranger things have happened,” the old witch told you proudly, eyes shining with glee as your own filled with confusion.

“How do we know the dream will even come true?” You questioned.

Cecillia simply shrugged and offered you a cheeky grin, “I trust your feelings, darling.”

True to your initial feeling, you hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep, you knew you wouldn’t be able to rest until you found out whether or not your dream had come to fruition. Cecillia remained by your side throughout the night, eventually the sun had risen and your parents descended down the stairs, neither of them were surprised to see Cecillia sitting at the kitchen table. They saw her as an odd woman, very kind and perfectly lovely, but odd. You’d told them that she owned an animal sanctuary and that you’d been volunteering with her, it wasn’t too far fetched really, she had given you an owl after all, not to mention the amount of cats that hung around her cottage.

She explained to your parents that she needed your help at ‘the sanctuary’ for the next few days and that she’d drop you home once the work was finished. It hadn’t been a problem, so you traveled to Cecillia’s cottage after getting dressed and packing an overnight bag (full to the brim with tarot decks and only some clothes).

It was nearly 8 in the evening when Cecillia sauntered into her living room, where you were sitting, sporting a knowing grin, she held a piece of parchment in one hand and an unopened envelope in the other.

Jovially, she plopped herself down beside you, obviously doing her very best to contain a huge grin from forming on her face. Wordlessly, she placed the envelope on your lap with a mere, “For you.”

On the envelope you could tell by the handwriting that it had come from Harry. This was definitely a make or break moment for you. The contents of this letter would either confirm that you did in fact have magic, or, they would be responsible for causing you to experience a seismic amount of embarrassment. Swallowing the lump in your throat you tore the envelope open, freeing the letter and daring to read what was inside.

Dear Y/n,

Your dream was right. And that advice you gave about keeping an eye on Sirius? It saved his life. I suppose I’m mostly writing to say thank you. I’ve got some updates for you too: firstly, it’s finally been confirmed that Voldemort is back so my name is cleared. Secondly, it turns out that Remus and Cecillia are old friends, she contacted him earlier today about your vision and he and Sirius haven’t shut up about how impressive it is. I have a feeling you might be hearing from them soon, The Order now more than ever is in need of a secret weapon and genuine seers are hard to come by. I hate to involve you in this, it’ll probably be dangerous and you know I don’t want to see you hurt, or worse. But having said that, I’m glad we’re in this together now.

Astra got here in good time, by the way, she landed on my window just after I woke up from my vision of Sirius, it was actually quite freaky. I’m taking good care of her so don’t worry, she should be back to you at some point tomorrow.

Hermoine and Ron say hi too. I’m sure you’ll be hearing from George soon, seeing as he and Fred are in the Order… On that note I better get going.

Thank you again for the warning.

See you soon,

Love, Harry.

A bemused smile spread across your lips as you scanned the page, thankful to have finally made a significant difference in Harry’s life. Cecillia was grinning like a cheshire cat beside you, pride shimmering in her emerald eyes. She bumped her arm against yours playfully when you let the letter fall to your lap, “An old friend of mine will be stopping by in a short while. It seems he’d like to get you trained up in some defence against the dark arts.” She told you, still grinning.

“Defence against the dark arts?” You wondered out loud, you were sure you’d heard Harry mention those words to you before, however, the memories were fuzzy.

“Magic to keep you safe from darker magic, the likes of which the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters rely,” she explained darkly. Just then, a loud bang erupted from her open stone fireplace, a bubble of green dissipated as two men stepped less than gracefully onto Cecillia’s faux-fur rug. You recognised them both from your vision. They were Sirius Black and, if you were to take an educated guess, Remus Lupin.

Cecillia wasted no time before she was giddily jumping from her seat to greet the pair who had just appeared in her sitting room.

“Remus! Oh, how wonderful to see you!” She all but squealed, pulling the tall man into a hug and ruffling his already messy hair.

He reciprocated the hug with a gentle chuckle, “It’s nice to see you again, Cece. It’s been far too long,” he pulled away and the pair of them shared a fond smile before simultaneously looking to Sirius. “I trust you remember Sirius?” Lupin asked, almost rhetorically.

Sirius let out a booming laugh at that, “She could never forget me, now could you, Cece?” Cecillia rolled her eyes, and with a look of endearment nearly tackled Sirius into an embrace.

Seeing the woman who was essentially your magical mentor so overjoyed was lovely, Cecillia was jolly at the best of times but you’d never seen her quite like this. Her happiness added to your sense of helpfulness, Sirius Black was obviously important to more than just Harry, if the smile on the free-spirited witches face was anything to go by. Although you were ecstatic for the three witches and wizards before you, you couldn’t help but feel like you were imposing on an intimate reunion.

Awkwardly you cleared your throat, successfully bringing the trio’s attention onto you as you stood by the sofa, smiling unsurely. If it was even possible, all three of their smiles broadened when their gazes landed on you.

“Am I right in assuming that this is my guardian angel?” Sirius asked, separating from Cecillia.

Cecillia nodded, filled with pride, “And isn’t she just the loveliest guardian angel you’ve ever seen?” She gushed, half seriously.

You offered Sirius a bashful smile, along with a nod of greeting, “I’m glad to see you’re alright,” you told him.

His grin stayed fixed in place but he raised a single eyebrow in confusion, “Glad? And yet you’ve never met me before now…” his tone was laced with inquisition, as if he wanted to figure out what ulterior motive you could possibly have for caring about a stranger you’d only ever seen in a dream.

It didn’t take a seer or a psychic to see what Sirius was after, so you simply answered him truthfully, “No, we’ve never met, but you’re still a person, I watched that woman kill you, it was horrible, nobody deserves that. As well as that; I know how much you mean to Harry and what sort of best friend would I be if I didn’t try to help him keep his last family member safe?” Sirius nodded approvingly at your reply, looking between Remus and Cecillia.

“She remind you of anyone?” The black haired man asked in a low chuckle, Remus snickered and Cecillia bit back a grin.

The witch made her way back to your side and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, jostling you ever so slightly when she noticed your vaguely worried expression, “Don’t worry, darling, you just remind us of one of our most treasured school friends, I promise I will tell you all about it later. But for now, I believe Sirius was about to thank you for saving his life?” She prompted, waiting expectantly.

Sirius cleared his throat and straightened his posture before outstretching his arm, offering you his hand which you took firmly in your own. His voice was steady, strong and genuine when he spoke, “I am truly thankful for what you did for not only me but Harry today. I’m extremely proud of my godson for aligning himself with such a strong, powerful and wonderfully loyal young lady.”

“How sweet,” Cecillia cooed, before guiding you to the kitchen, “Come now, boys, kettles on- we have a lot to discuss!” She called over her shoulder.

There certainly had been a lot to discuss. The Order of the Phoenix thought having a seer at their disposal would be extremely beneficial in the upcoming war, the issue was; you are not yet of age and some members of the group didn’t wish to involve a child in their battle. Sirius, Remus and Cecillia made it abundantly clear that if you desired to join the Order, you were more than welcome but you would be welcomed under certain conditions. Those conditions being that your membership be kept under wraps and not disclosed to any muggles, meaning your parents.

“To keep them safe and to give you an escape route if things get too messy, even with the level of magic you’ll have gained by the time the war is in full swing, as a muggle born you’ll most likely need to flee quickly,” Remus explained, though it didn’t make much sense.

“Wouldn’t it be easier to run if my parents knew what we were running from? They’re open minded people, I’m sure they’d understand,” you attempted to reason, the trio but exchanged yet another loaded look with each other.

Cecillia placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, “We have a contingency plan in place, darling. Nothing you need to worry about for right now,” she reassured, easing your nerves a tad. “You trust me don’t you?” She followed up, her tone slightly stonier, more serious. You nodded your head certainly in response, there was no doubt about it; you trusted the witch with your life. “Then,” she began again, a somewhat chastising look on her face, “Trust that I will not allow a single hair on your head to be harmed.” This rule also extended to wizards not in the Order, which meant that when in the magical world, you were to air on the side of extreme caution.

Relating to that, another condition was that, at all times in the magical world, you were to be accompanied by an of age member of the Order. According to Sirius, who your were growing to like more by the second, he was going to arrange for a member of the Order to bring you to Diagon Alley in the morning to get you a wand. The prospect of having a wand of your own was terribly exciting, once again though, you found yourself wondering if you had it in you to properly wield one, or wield one at all for that matter. You were too exhausted to fret for too long, so the thoughts about magic levels and your own capabilities were only fleeting. Once all of the serious chat dissipated into friendly chatter, you managed to slip away from the table at which you were all sat. Making your way back to the sitting room, you tucked yourself into the corner seat of Cecillia’s old and very comfortable sofa, pulled your knees against your chest, wrapped your arms around them and rested your cheek against your knee. Slowly and deeply, you began to breathe in and out, fiddling with the amazonite bracelet that adorned your wrist in order to quell your ever growing anxiety. For a few sweet minutes you indulged in the calm silence, meditating peacefully in your comfy seat until a soft knock sounded from the doorway. When your eyes fluttered open they were met with the image of Sirius Black, leaning casually against the frame of the door, a hand plunged deep into his trouser pocket and another flipping a stray tarot card between his fingers. His eyes were focused on yours as he spoke, “I hope I’m not interrupting.”

You shook your head and patted the seat beside you, “‘Course not, come sit.”

The man chuckled but obliged, settling in the spot beside you and offering you the card he’d previously been fiddling with.

“The ten of swords,” you identified easily, “I assume you’ve been feeling quite overwhelmed if this card found its way to you.”

Sirius hummed, “CeCe tells me that you’ve a penchant for card reading. I was rubbish at divination back at Hogwarts, only took it because I thought it’d be easy but I could never get my head around it,” he reminisced, an airy laugh slipping from his lips.

“If you don’t mind me asking, who were you all talking about earlier when you asked if I reminded Cecilia and Remus of anyone?” He let out a deep sigh before fixing you with a soft smile.

“An old school friend of ours, she was more than a friend to me, but that’s a story for another time,” he started, staring out into the empty space before him a melancholy grin on his lips, “She was fiercely loyal to her friends, if she wanted to help there was absolutely nothing that would stop her from doing so. I know I don’t know you very well, but from what I heard today and the way in which you’ve been described to me by Harry; I can see her in you,” he finished, bumping his shoulder with yours and forcing a happy smile onto your lips which mirrored Sirius’.

“What’s her name?” You asked.

“Her name was Marlene,” Sirius answered.

Your heart dropped with his use of past tense, “Was?”

Sirius bowed his head slightly and began to twist the rings that adorned his slender fingers, “She was killed during the first war,” he told you, making eye contact once again, a grave expression on his face as he continued, “I saw your apprehension earlier when we brought up the topic of secrecy, but you must understand that during the first war we lost so many who were dear to us, keeping you in our back pocket will ensure that you aren’t harmed in the face of this war, if any dark wizards hear so much of a whisper of a muggleborn seer they will stop at nothing to eliminate you,” he paused for a brief second, never breaking eye contact, the gravity of the situation heavy on your chest your fingers absentmindedly found your amazonite bracelet once again. Your movements were halted when Sirius placed his large hand over yours, squeezing it warmly while staring at you determinedly, “You saved my life today, Y/n. So believe me when I tell you that I will stop at nothing to keep you safe,” he promised and you squeezed his hand in return.

“I know,” he smiled as he watched your eyes return to the ten of swords and your grin broadened with the sort of mischief he’d only ever seen in four people; James Potter, Marlene McKinnon and Fred and George Weasley. “I have a prediction for you.”

Sirius entertained you fondly, a mischievous air that reminded him of when he was your age surrounding the pair of you, “By all means, do tell.”

“I predict,” you paused for emphasis, “that we are going to be very good friends.”

Sirius let out a booming laugh of which the volume he couldn’t control, “That is a prediction I truly hope will come to fruition.”

“Oh no, this is a duo that spells trouble,” Cecillia giggled to Remus as they entered the sitting room.

Remus looked between you and Sirius with a grin, “With a mentor like you, Cece, I’m not surprised Y/n has a taste for mischief,” the ruffled wizard teased, receiving a gentle elbow to the ribs from your mentor.

“Oi, if you’re going to blame my beloved girl’s mischief on anyone you better blame it on a certain Weasley twin,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows and causing the boys to smile giddily like teenagers.

Sirius bumped your shoulder again, this time with a faux-scandalised smile, “A Weasley twin, eh? Come on then, which one?” You blushed heavily and cleared your throat in an attempt to alleviate the embarrassment filling your being.

“He’s just a friend!”

“Mhm. A friend that sends her annotated pages from his divination text book,” Cecillia sang and Sirius snickered.

“Whichever one it is must be quite taken with you if you made him actually crack open a textbook.”

“Annotations are quite intimate,” Remus half teased although you could see he believed what he’d just said, “I bet it’s George,” he directed the bet at Sirius who carefully observed the way you bit your lip and bashfully looked towards the wooden floor.

“I think you’re right, moony. Now!” He stood suddenly and pointed a finger at Remus expectantly, “We best get going and arrange Y/n’s accomplice for tomorrow’s field trip,” he wiggled his eyebrows before turning his head to face you again, he shot you a wink and you couldn’t stop the airy laugh that left your mouth at his lighthearted antics.

Remus gave Cecillia a one armed hug, “we’ll be seeing you both tomorrow then, it was lovely to meet you, Y/n, perhaps next time Sirius will allow me to get a word in,” he chuckled and Sirius responded by throwing his arm around your shoulder.

“I better get off, this husband of mine is growing jealous,” he told you in a teasingly hushed whisper.

Your eyes widened and you looked between the two men, “You two are married?”

A love struck smile took over both of their faces which immediately gave you your answer. “We’re engaged,” Sirius clarified before pulling you into a proper hug, “Get a good night's sleep, we’ll be sending an order member to collect you early tomorrow morning so you can be in and out of Olivander’s before a crowd can build,” he told you while giving you an affectionate squeeze, you could’ve laughed when you realised that it felt like you’d known Sirius forever but you also could’ve cried when you relived the image of him losing his life and realised that just because it was over and prevented didn't mean it hadn’t still transpired in your mind’s eye, you didn’t let that show on your face though.

“I’ll make sure I’m well rested,” you promised.

With that, Sirius bid Cecillia goodbye, and he and Remus left the way they’d came.

The rest of the night had been spent with Cecillia telling you story after story about her school days and the trouble she’d caused with Sirius, Remus, James and Lily Potter, Harry’s parents, and another boy who she only referred to as “the rat”. Though the tone of the stories were completely lighthearted, they weighed on your chest with a sense of such tragedy. A huge majority of their friends were killed young because of the war, a war that was now waging once again. It led you to wonder who’d be lost to this one, if perhaps you’d be on the list of names that Harry or Cecillia or George would speak about fondly with a dense undertone of sorrow in the years after the second war had long since been won. It was a risk you were willing to take though, the notion of fighting for a deserving cause filled you with a sense of purpose, a purpose you’d been searching for for years. More than that, you felt important. You were needed. An asset. You would actually be of some help.

True to your word, you’d been getting a good night’s rest. The bed in Cecillia’s spare room was the comfiest thing you’d ever come across, though, as you began to stir from your deep slumber you couldn’t recall the empty side of the double bed being quite so dipped.

Slowly and begrudgingly, you cracked your eyes open to see Cecillia smiling tiredly at you in the light of dawn, “Morning, darling. Sorry about the early start, I’ve made you some tea,” she greeted quietly so as to not disturb the peace of the early morning. She held two ceramic mugs, one in each hand and passed you the steaming cup that was hand painted green, keeping the brown one for herself. Tiredly, you patted the spot beside you and pulled the quilt to the side, inviting the witch into the warm bed. She happily slid in, pulling the quilt over her and chuckling quietly when you dropped your head onto her robed shoulder and began to sip the tea she’d made. Cecillia rested her head against yours and sipped on her own tea.

“Are you excited for today?” She asked and you hummed.

“I’m having mixed emotions,” you stated, “I’m excited to see everything, but I’m sort of nervous that I won’t have enough magic to even get a wand,” Comfort spread through your chest when Cecillia pressed her lips to the crown of your head.

“The wonderful thing about wands, lovely, is that the wand picks the wizard,” she began, “so whatever wand you end up with will accentuate the level of magic inside you. Its power will grow as yours does and you’ll soon come to realise that you couldn’t imagine wielding anything else,” her voice was wistful and her eyes shined with wonder as she recalled how it felt to bond to a wand.

“What do you think mine will be like?” You wondered, excitement awakening in you thanks to Cecillia’s encouraging words.

The witch took an exaggerated slurp of her tea before answering, “Something curious,” was all she said.

“Insightful,” you murmured and she shrugged unapologetically, her chaotic energy exuding now that she’d started to wake up fully. “What time is it anyway?”

“Half six, your chaperone should be arriving at seven and Olivander’s opens at eight,” she told you before shimmying out of bed, you whined in the absence of your head rest. “You better get dressed. Wear something nice, rumour has it that your tag along is quite the eligible bachelor,” she wiggled her eyebrows and all but floated out of the spare room. It was practically your room by now though, over the years since you’d gotten Astra and met Cecillia you’d stayed in the room on countless occasions. Cecillia embodied something that was something between a second mother, a spiritual mentor, a teasing older sister and a slightly kooky aunt.

“Oh? So do you reckon I should brush my hair then?” You jokingly called out after her only to receive a harsh scoff.

“Absolutely not! Don’t be desperate!” You barked out a laugh at her response, shaking your head and getting ready for the day ahead.

You were just about finished getting ready when a familiar bang sounded from the sitting room. Taking a deep breath, you gave yourself one last look over in the mirror, happy with the outfit you’d chosen, you made your way towards the sitting room to come face to face with your surprise chaperone for the day.

When you shuffled into the sitting room, a smile immediately stretched across your lips upon seeing who had been appointed to stick by your side for the day, “George!” His name left your mouth in a squeal that would’ve been embarrassing had you not been so excited to see him. It’d been upwards of a year since the last time you’d seen George in the flesh and although you’d seen each other in photos and written to each other at a rate that was almost excessive, the prospect of spending time together in person was, for lack of a better word; magical.

George drew his attention away from the framed pictures that lined Cecillia’s fireplace to see you standing in the doorway, looking as bright as the newly risen sun and sporting a smile that he couldn’t quite put into words how it made him feel. It only took a second before his own cheek splitting smile grew on his face, and with it left his hopes of impressing you with his cool and collected attitude. You hadn’t given him too much time to dwell on his ruined cool guy facade as you all but threw yourself into his arms. The red head let out an endearing laugh, catching you in his toned arms, wrapping them tightly around your torso. A scarlet blush rising on his ears when he felt your smile against his neck. “Hello to you too,” he chuckled against your ear and you pulled back enough to look at him, your arms still secure around his shoulders.

“Sorry,” you started, the smile that still adorned your lips telling him that you weren’t all that sorry at all, “Hi,” you greeted, bashfully pulling your arms away from him.

The sitting room was quiet for a moment as the pair of you only stared at each other, would it be too much to tell him that you’ve missed him? You didn’t want to come on too strong after such a long time apart, you’d already tackled him into a hug within the first five seconds, but with that came your next internal question of; did you really want to keep this boy on his toes?

George, having already discarded his notion of acting nonchalant with you, bet you to the punch. He rubbed the back of his neck and flicked his gaze to the floor before bringing it back to you, “I’ve missed you.”

A giggle left your lips before you could think about choking it down, you nodded your head, bouncing slightly on the balls of your feet, “Yeah, I’ve missed you too. Sorry I haven’t written, Astra is still with Harry.”

George gave you a grin, “No worries, darling. Heard you’ve been a very busy little psychic lately.”

Darling, you mused internally, the nickname echoing through your head and causing your heart to somersault in a way you’d never really felt before.

“Oh how sweet,” Cecillia sang from the doorway, a wicked grin on her face as she took in the two hopeless blushing messes, staring doe-eyed at each other in the middle of her living room. “I hate to break up the reunion, my dears, but the pair of you really should get going,” she instructed, strutting up to you and holding a cloth pouch in your direction, “Sirius left you some spending money, it’s different than the money you usually use but I’m sure George will have no problem helping you out,” Cecillia shot the boy a wink and he nodded, once again growing bashful.

“Now,” she grew serious, directing her words at George and making him slightly intimidated with her strong eye contact, “You are to be extremely careful. You are not to mention that Y/n is a seer and you are not to draw any attention to the fact that she is a muggleborn, if Mr. Olivander asks, she’s a half-blood who's been living in the states and that’s why she doesn’t have a wand,” you wore a confused expression, George nodded in complete understanding, “Did Sirius give you the list?”

George nodded once again, pulling a folded piece of parchment out of the back pocket of his slightly baggy denim jeans, “May I take a look?” Cecillia asked, already snatching the parchment from George’s long fingers and unfolding the sheet and reading it aloud, “Alright! A wand… seriously? He used a whole page of parchment just to write one thing?” She grumbled, stomping over to the nearest side table, leaning down and began to scribble on the parchment. You looked to George as she wrote, “Why do you have to say I’m from the States?” You asked quietly and George leaned down slightly to be closer to your ear.

“Witches and wizards in America don’t get wands until they’re of age, we get them here when we’re eleven,” just as he was finished offering his explanation, Cecillia walked back over, a hard look on her face that you weren’t used to seeing, though it seemed that the look was reserved for George.

Silently she handed him the parchment before looking to you, hard look dissolving back into her usual playful expression, “Have fun, lovely.” She then turned to George again, apparently having had enough of trying to intimidate the poor boy, she shot him a smile, “You’ll be taking the floo to Diagon Alley, my fireplace is big enough to take the both of you at once,” she handed George a pouch of what looked like green powder, “George knows what to do, now, not to sound like a broken record but do stay safe and have fun,” she finished, ushering the pair of you into her fireplace. You couldn’t lie, it was quite strange, you supposed you should get used to things coming across as strange, you were about to be exposed to the magical wizarding world for the first time after all. In the fireplace, you stood shoulder to shoulder with George, noticing the nervous look on your face, he slid his hand into yours gently. When you looked at him, he kept his face focused on his feet, “Ready, Y/n?” Taking a deep breath you nodded shakily.

“Ready, George.”

At your words, George slammed the green powder onto the ground and shouted, “Diagon Alley!”

You were sure you were going to be sick. Whatever the powder was, it had you spinning at a pace you didn’t know was possible, you had screwed your eyes shut and you were almost certain that you could feel yourself physically moving. It was only when George tugged on your hand that you opened your eyes to see that your surroundings had actually changed. “It’s horrible the first time, but you get used to it,” George said, pulling you by your still intertwined hands onto the cobbled street. The dizziness died down after only a few seconds out in the fresh air, the added sensation of George’s thumb rubbing soothing circles against your hand seemed to do the trick in settling you completely as you took in the street ahead of you. It was dazzling, really. A long cobbled street, lined with shops that looked like they were plucked straight out of a fairytale. As planned, the streets were fairly empty in the early morning as George led you down the path towards the shop where you’d hopefully get your wand. The name “Olivanders” was written above both windows of the dark shop, the words “makers of fine wands since 382 B.C.” were to be seen just above the door. Excitement had completely overridden your nerves and you practically skipped towards the door, George followed casually behind you, his hands tucked into his pockets and a fond smile on his lips.

“I suppose you’re excited then?” He asked teasingly and you didn’t bother trying to hide your obvious childlike wonder as you waited for him to catch up with you.

“It probably seems silly to you, but this morning Cecillia told me all about when she got her wand and it sounded so wonderful,” you told him, smiling when he bumped his shoulder against yours.

“I don’t think it’s silly, I still get giddy thinking about the time Fred and I got wands of our own,” he pushed the door open and motioned for you to step inside, slowly you walked into the empty shop. It was dark and somewhat dingy but there was something very mystically inclining about it, you could feel the energy and it was utterly exhilarating.

“Wow,” you breathed out, spinning where you stood, gazing at the boxes upon boxes that lined the shelves.

Only a minute passed before an old man stumbled to the front of the shop, smiling at the pair of you from behind the counter, “Ah, Mr. Weasley, it’s good to see you, it’s been some time. What can I do for you this morning? I see you’ve brought a friend,” the older wizard greeted and you smiled in response.

“I’m looking for a wand. I’ve been living in the states for the past few years but I just moved home,” you lied easily, George couldn’t help but smirk, what he’d give to have had you around for some of his and Fred’s pranks at Hogwarts.

The old man nodded in understanding, his eyes scanned you, his eyes were scrutinising and you fought the urge to squirm under his gaze, “Interesting. One moment please,” he said, murmuring to himself as he searched the isles for what he was looking for. A small “aha” sounded from within the isles, he was back in front of you within seconds, an open rectangular box in his hand. It was absolutely gorgeous, it resembled a raw tree branch, wood spiralling up its expanse until it stopped at the top, cutting off in a jagged, dull edge. He must’ve noticed how your jaw dropped, how could he not? He hadn’t been able to take his eyes off you since you’d wandered into his shop. He was an old wizard, but he wasn’t naive, he was well aware you weren’t returning from America, he could sense an energy in you that he hadn’t come in contact with in a long time. “Curious, isn’t it?” He prompted you, causing you to let out an airy laugh. Cecillia was going to tease you big time when you got back to her cabin.

“It’s lovely, what is it?” He offered you the box expectantly and you hesitantly picked up the wand with as much care as you possibly could. It was cool against your skin and was heavier than you’d imagined it would be.

“Thirteen inch, oak; cut from the base of a tree, which at the time, was almost six hundred years old,” he explained, watching happily as you ran your fingers along the wands several ridges,”With a phoenix feather core, quite a rare piece indeed. Unfortunately, this particular wand has been extremely difficult to match to a witch. But something tells me that you might be just the witch for the job,” he held your gaze and you once again got the feeling that he knew something he shouldn’t, “Go on, then. Give it a wave,” he prompted and you looked to George for further encouragement. George laughed at your lost expression, pulling his own wand out and pointing it towards the now empty box on the counter, “Like this, love,” he demonstrated, moving his wrist in a semi-circle motion, making the box levitate off the counter.

Another pet name. You ignored the butterflies in your stomach in favour of clearing your throat, squaring your shoulders and pointing your wand at the same box George had just made float, which was now settled back against the counter. Imitating the boy beside you, you moved your wrist in a swift semi-circle. Suddenly, a golden light poured from the tip of the wand and warm air surrounded you, gently blowing your hair back and forcing a laugh of disbelief to leave your lips. George stood wide eyed beside you, his lips parted slightly. He was amazed really, he went through five wands before he found the one that fit him, yet you’d found yours on the first try, and he had to admit; you looked glorious doing it.

After paying for your wand, you exited the shop, looking around George’s side at the list he was holding. From what you could make out, Cecillia had added a number of items to the originally very short list; 1) a wand, 2) a pendulum (crystal of the ladies choice), 3) crystals: labradorite, lapis lazuli & azurite, 4) mugwort, 5) new tarot deck (again, whatever she wants Sirius can afford it ;)).

“Suppose our next stop is the divination shop,” George said, mostly to himself but gave you a mischievous smile, “If we hurry up and get our shopping done fast we could probably get a butterbeer in before we rejoin the rest of the Order,” he sang, grazing his hand against yours as you walked side by side.

“Beer? You seriously want to drink beer at half eight in the morning?” You asked him, your eyebrow raised and he replied with an exaggerated roll of his eyes and draped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close against his side and once again leaning his head down so his lips were level with your eye.

“No, you git,” he began with a laugh, “It’s not really beer, it’s pretty sweet; most wizards love it.”

You hummed in acknowledgment, “Sounds nice,” you told him absently, preoccupied with all the intriguing shops that surrounded you. George’s arm remained wrapped around your shoulder as you strolled further into Diagon Alley, seemingly uninterested in his offer for a butterbeer. The pair of you got what you needed from the shop and, since it hadn’t taken long, you decided to take George up on his drinks offer. You noticed that he seemed a little bit crestfallen since your noncommittal answer earlier.

“Hey,” you said, bumping your arm against his.

“Hello,” he replied, returning the gesture.

“So… d’you wanna go get one of those beer things that you were talking about earlier?” You asked nervously, your lip between your teeth. For all you knew, asking someone to grab a butterbeer in the wizarding world was the muggle equivalent to proposing.

George flashed you a grin that was almost childlike, it was mesmerising, so sweet and pure and you almost wished you’d brought your camera to take a picture of it. “I thought you’d never ask.”

With a giggle you let him grab your hand and lead you excitedly towards a building that had “The Leaky Cauldron” written above the door. When you got inside, George led you to a small round table with two chairs and you both sat down opposite each other. As casually as you could, you rested your elbow against the table and let your cheek rest against your fist, for a solid few minutes, while George ordered, you curiously looked around the pub until your gaze finally rested on George who was already looking at you with a soft smile, “Having fun?” He asked, genuinely curious.

You nodded your head, “Mhm, are you? I’m sure getting up at the crack of dawn to take me shopping isn’t something someone like you would usually like to do for fun,” you said, becoming slightly self conscious when you realised that he probably wasn’t enjoying the morning as much as you were. This was all normal for him, you’d nearly forgotten.

George gave you a perplexed look, “Course I’m having fun, love. But, what do you mean someone like me?”

You shrugged, once again pushing down the butterflies that arose in your stomach from the pet name, “I dunno, you’re just- you’re mischievous and fun and… I don’t know, shopping for stuff with me doesn’t seem like it’s something you’d want to do. I just hope Sirius didn’t force you into it,” you admitted shyly, smiling gratefully at the waiter when he placed the mugs of golden liquid on the table.

George chewed on his bottom lip for a second before he shook his head, “He didn’t force me. I sort of, well, I sort of forced him to let me take you. He wanted Professor Lupin to do it but I…” he let out an exaggerated sigh before giving you a smile, “I wanted to spend time with you,” he confessed sweetly, watching happily as a smile formed on your lips and you tried to hide it in the rim of your butterbeer. He laughed when your face lit up once the liquid hit your lips, “Like it?”

“This stuff is amazing,” you almost shouted, taking another large sip from the drink, “No wonder you all love it so much.”

George snickered, “Just in case it wasn’t clear; I’m having a lot of fun with you,” he said all too casually, taking a sip of his drink.

“Where to now?” You wondered, after you’d finished your drinks and set off back towards the floo network.

George shot you a cheeky look and wiggled his eyebrows, “I’m taking you back to headquarters.”

“Sounds ominous,” you commented, following him into the fireplace, nervously.

“D’you want a tip?” George asked out of the blue and you looked up at him expectantly, nodding. “The dizziness isn’t as bad if you keep your eyes open,” he whispered, taking your hand once again and throwing down the same green powder from earlier and shouting a new location that you hadn’t heard before. You cringed as the world began to spin, listening to George’s advice hadn’t helped much as the transportation was just as awful as it had been the first time. Unbeknownst to you, you were squeezing George’s hand like your life depended on it, George’s thumb had resumed brushing circles around your hand in response, the harsh squeezing didn’t bother him at all, not when it was you doing the squeezing. Just like earlier, George led you out of the fireplace and into the unfamiliar sitting room. Though the room was completely unfamiliar it was full of faces you immediately recognised, one face in particular standing out above all the rest.

In a second you’d dropped not only George’s hand, but all of your shopping bags to the floor carelessly and hurled yourself towards the boy who had already begun rushing towards you the second he caught sight of you appearing in the fireplace. Your bodies collided with so much force that you nearly sent each other tumbling to the ground, laughter sounded from both of you as you swayed the other, almost roughly, the way you always did when reuniting after an extended period of time.

“Glad to see you in one piece, Harry,” you told him with a cheeky smile on your lips, opting not to call him Haz in front of all of his wizard friends lest they tease him, not to mention you’d become quite possessive of the nickname, you wouldn’t be too pleased if anyone else started adopting it. Not that you’d ever admit that out loud.

“Yeah, you too,” his smile was as wide as could be when he shook his head, “I can’t believe you’re actually here.”

“Do you want me to pinch you?” You teased, jokingly taking his cheek between your thumb and your pointer, giving the skin between them a gentle squeeze. Harry swatted your hand away with a low chuckle and unraveled his arms from around you.

“Alright, you two, if you’re ready we have some matters we need to discuss with our newest member,” Sirius’ voice sounded from behind you, a knowing look on his face as he watched Harry sneakily pinch your arm in retaliation. He had to fight the urge he felt to reminisce on his old school days; when he’d purposely annoy James, Remus or Peter and receive the exact same mockingly vengeful look that you’d just given Harry.

“I’ll bring your things to the kitchen,” George announced, reminding you of his presence before he walked rather quickly out of the room, bags clutched in his hands.

Harry snorted out a laugh when Sirius followed George out of the room, leaving the both of you alone. Harry wiggled his eyebrows and did his best to make his voice take on a sultry tone, “he’s bringing your things to the kitchen.”

“Shut your mouth, Potter,” you replied, pinching his cheek for the second time and tossing your arm around his shoulder, him doing the same as he led you to what you assumed was the kitchen.

“Do I have your permission to open my mouth to tell you something,” Harry asked lightly, stopping so you were both standing outside a closed wooden door.

“I’ll allow it,” you answered, smiling softly at your best friend.

Harry grinned, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Haz,” the boy groaned at the name but made no further comment, he pushed the wooden door open and walked inside.

The room held a long table where many adults were sat, chatting in hushed whispers when you entered the room, some of whom you recognised and some you didn’t. Mrs. Weasley was fluttering about the table, filling people’s tea cups before she spotted you. The woman, who you’d only ever met briefly at King’s Cross station one year, rushed over to you and greeted you warmly, “Hello, dear! Come, come sit down!” She ushered you to a vacant chair beside George and across from Fred, Harry took the seat on your other side. “I trust you got everything you needed from Diagon Alley? I hope that son of mine didn’t cause any trouble for you,” you gave her a friendly smile and shook your head.

“Yes, we were able to find what we needed and George was very helpful,” Mrs. Weasley, seemingly satisfied with your answer, offered a gentle smile to you and George. She then pushed a cup of tea towards you before sitting down herself.

Beneath the table George bumped his knee lightly against yours, but didn’t break from his conversation with his twin as he left his knee pressed against yours. You didn’t draw attention to it either, simply letting your knee relax against his as the witches and wizards at the long table grew quiet in favour of staring at you wordlessly.

“I’m sure you’ve all heard the news of the seer we’ve acquired,” Sirius’ commanding voice broke the silence as he stood up from his chair, and placed his palms against the table, “I’ve brought her here today so that we may discuss proceedings to ensure her safety.”

“Yes,” a toneless drawl, drawn out nasally from the end of the table drew your attention to a black haired man at the opposite end of the table, “and what of Mr. Potter’s presence?” He asked, almost menacingly. Right off the bat, you didn’t like the greasy haired man. He was rigid and his face sported a permanent snarl and from across the table you could already tell; he wasn’t on your side.

“She’s my best friend, I’m here to make sure she’s not going to be put in any unnecessary danger,” Harry told the man shortly, in a tone that he’d more than likely perfected after having spoken to the man previously.

“As touching as that may be,” the older man snarled, “you are not a member of the Order.”

“Oh, enough, Serverus,” Sirius scoffed, pulling his hand down his face in exasperation before he let his eyes settle on Harry, “Perhaps you should wait upstairs for now. We’ll let you know of any significant updates.”

“I’ll tell you everything later, promise,” you whispered quietly, linking his pinky with yours beneath the table before he stropily took his leave.

“As I was saying,” Sirius spared Severus a glare and continued, “As we know, Yn is an unregistered wizard with an unregistered wand, meaning she won’t be on the radar of The Ministry of Magic. On the downside of this, seeing as her power manifested late, she is also untrained.”

All gazes fell to you once more, only Remus’ eyes were staring softly, crinkled at the edges from the smile on his lips, “I’ll be tutoring her in Defence Against the Dark Arts over the summer. She’ll catch up quickly, no doubt,” you smiled gratefully at him from your spot, relaxing a bit knowing that you’d actually be learning how to defend yourself the wizard way.

“I suppose I will be tasked with teaching the art of Occlumency? A seer with an easily accessible mind is hardly an asset,” Severus drawled. You didn’t have a clue what occlumency was, in all honesty, but you kept your mouth shut in favour of asking Remus when the meeting was over.

The meeting soon drew to a close, the older Order members slinking to one end of the table to arrange the schedule for your glorified summer school while you, Fred and George snuck away to find Harry. You found him sitting against the headboard of a bed in one of the upstairs bedrooms, “How’d it go?”

“Take a guess, mate, Snape had a right sour look on his face the whole time,” Fred answered, sitting on the bed across from Harry’s. George sat beside him and you made your way to sit with Harry.

“Ah, so that was the infamous professor Snape?” All three boys nodded, looks of exhaustion on their faces, “I don’t trust him. Something is very off about him,” you spoke thoughtfully and the boys nodded in agreement once again.

“I don’t like the idea of you being alone with him,” George said, his brows furrowed.

Fred snorted and clapped his twin roughly on the shoulder, “Getting a bit jealous are you, Georgie?” Harry laughed along with Fred while you blushed lightly and George felt heat rising up the nape of his neck.

“Sod off,” he muttered, but made no attempt to deny that he was slightly jealous of all the alone time his old evil potions professor would be getting with the girl he was harbouring feelings for.

The afternoon quickly turned into the evening and before long you were gathering your things and preparing to return to Cecillia’s. Harry would be heading back to the Dursley’s later that night, much to his dismay. You told him you’d be back on Privet Drive at some point the next morning since Cecillia would be dropping you home, as she promised your parents, so he wouldn’t have to suffer alone for too long.

That summer came and went in a bit of a blur. Two days in each week were spent learning how to protect yourself against the dark arts with Remus. He’s an amazing teacher, that couldn’t be disputed. In the space of only two months he had you duelling like you’d been doing it since the day you were born. Of course, you were thrilled to be bonding with your wand and developing (according to Remus) a very impressive skill for Defence Against the Dark Arts. But, on top of that, the shared conversations and exchanging of stories over hefty mugs of hot chocolate with the werewolf had been a huge highlight of your summer, and had caused the two of you to grow exponentially closer.

September was nearing and with it came a stiff breeze that prompted the hair on your arms to stand alert as you waited by the bus stop, the one just down the road from your house. Today was to be an important lesson with Remus, he hadn’t told you what the lesson would entail, but he had said that it was a charm that was “of the utmost importance”.

Although June, July and August were technically your summer holidays, you’d barely had a second to rest. You were, at this point, running on fumes and sheer will power. Extensively using magic was bound to wear you out, however, getting a good night’s rest after a gruelling training session had become something of a luxury for you. Visions of the future and retellings of past torments plagued your dreams and allowed you no time to rest. One vision in particular had been reoccurring, it arrived every night for the past two weeks, taunting you. The autumn chill that dripped down your spine reminded you of the premonition, having your hairs standing due to fright, rather than cold. It was always the same, no details ever shifted or warped and, unfortunately, the experience never grew any less harrowing. The warning that the vision brought about weighed on you heavily and followed you around like a stray cat. Images of a cold, desolate, blue-hued cellar lived behind your eyes, the phantom feeling of freezing metal shackles weighed on your wrists painfully and the undiluted terror combined with the indescribable agony brought about by the unfamiliar wand shoved against your throat had you forcing yourself to stay awake until you physically couldn’t anymore, each and every night. Nobody knew about the vision, you didn’t want to worry them, though, you knew that your distress was beginning to become visible; dark bags were prominent beneath your eyes, Harry had watched you fall asleep in the middle of the day, often on his shoulder, almost everyday that week and Remus could tell by the sluggish movements of your wand that your mind was elsewhere.

A few minutes passed before your bus arrived, the journey to Grimmauld Place was quite long but you couldn’t seem to warm up to floo travel, so going on a regular bus was the better option. When the red double decker pulled up, you greeted the driver with a smile and paid for your ticket. You made your way up to the second story and sat right at the front. The bus, as it normally tended to be, was empty. Resting your head against the window, you let your eyes slip shut, the noises of tree branches brushing against the speeding windows lulling you into a, hopefully, peaceful sleep.

Thankfully when you woke up, no visions lingered. You woke up just in time too as the bus was rounding up to your stop. As usual, Remus waited for you at the bus stop, his hands shoved deep in his tattered jacket pockets and a gentle smile on his lips.

Still groggy from your nap, when you exited the bus you greeted Remus with a tired wave.

“Dare I say you haven’t been sleeping well, dear?” He said gently, walking alongside you towards the house.

You thought about it for a second, perhaps telling someone wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world. “I’ve just, well, I’ve been having this nightmare,” you started, growing nervous just thinking about it.

“Nightmare or vision?” He pressed as you walked into the house.

Guilt creeped into your chest upon seeing the clear worry on his face, “I think it’s a vision.”

Remus nodded quietly, placing his hand on the small of your back and pushing you in the direction of the living room. He gave you a warm smile, when you sat down on the sofa. He grabbed a blanket that hung over the back of the sofa and draped it over your lap. “I’ll make us some hot chocolate and we can discuss this,” he suggested.

“I thought you had an important lesson for today?” He only shook his head, smiling lightly.

He made his way to the door wordlessly and returned within two minutes with two big, steaming mugs in his hands. Remus handed you a mug and sat down beside you on the sofa, accepting your invitation to pull the blanket over his lap too.

“Now tell me; what has been going on in that wonderful mind of yours?”

You took in a deep breath, staring into the hot chocolate and avoiding his understanding gaze, “It happened for the first time around two weeks ago. I thought that it was just a dream, it didn’t feel like a dream but I thought that if I kept telling myself it was I would start to believe it,” you started, taking a sip of your drink before going back to staring at it, “But it kept coming back. Every night for the last two weeks. I haven’t been able to sleep, I’ve been too scared to,” your voice was small as you made the confession. You hated that the feeling of helplessness was beginning to wash over you yet again.

“What happens in this vision?” At his question, you placed your cup on the floor and turned to face him fully, turning on the sofa and pulling your knees up to your chest.

“It’s always the same. I wake up and the first thing I know is that I’m absolutely freezing. I’m in this cellar-like thing. I’m chained up by my wrists and my feet are barely touching the ground… I can’t see anyone but I can feel-“ your breath hitched and you rushed the swipe the tears that were falling away from your cheeks, “I can feel a wand against my throat, it’s pressing hard. There’s a whisper, it’s quiet and ghostly and I can barely make it out but I hear them say; crucio.”

Remus’ eyes widened in horror.

“Then I feel nothing but agonising pain and then I wake up,” Remus’ eyebrows furrowed.

“You’ve had this same vision every night?” You nodded.

“I know I should have said something but I didn’t want anyone to worry,” it was then that Remus grabbed your hands and looked at you with a sense of urgency you didn’t know he could possess.

“I need you to listen to me very carefully,” his eyes were wild and his hands shook lightly as they held yours, “You-Know-Who is back. There are already reports of certain Wizards going missing and none of us have any doubt that it’s his doing. And although I- we- care for you a great deal, it would serve us all well to remember that you’re a detrimental piece in this war. If he catches wind of you, he’ll stop at nothing to take you from us,” your heart was now running at the speed of a hummingbird. “We have a plan in place to keep you safe, I fear we may have to implement it sooner than planned.”

Before you knew it, you were surrounded by the entire Order of the Phoenix, all of whom looked grave. Cecillia sat to your right while Nymphadora Tonks occupied the seat to your left. You had the pink haired auror to thank for your duelling capabilities, as well as Remus of course. Her presence was comforting, she made it a point to shoot you a wink every time she caught your eyes looking more fearful than usual.

“Our original plan will need to be tweaked, I ran into Narcissa Malfoy in Diagon Alley and she very plainly insinuated that I was a person of interest in the death eating community,” Cecillia informed the table, a, for lack of a better word, bitchy tone laced in her voice. She’d told you many of her Hogwarts stories, you could recall her telling you that she and the woman she’d mentioned, Narcissa, had once been good friends until around their fourth year. She hadn’t told you what exactly had happened, only that it had been messy.

“What was the original plan?” You asked, growing frustrated with the Order’s lack of communication skills.

Thankfully, being one of the younger members of the group, Tonks understood your frustrations and spoke up on behalf of the group, regardless of whether they were ready for you to know or not; she understood that it was your life they were coordinating.

“We talked about relocating you to CeCe’s. We also, and far more pressingly, planned on erasing all traces of you from both the muggle and wizard world. Which would mean using a memory charm on your family and friends in the muggle world,” Tonks explained, eyes locked on yours while everyone else in the room glared daggers at the purple haired girl.

“Yes. Though we also planned on telling you this information with a far more delicate approach,” Snapped Molly Weasley from the end of the table, causing Fred, who sat to her left, to roll his eyes.

“She’s been riddled with visions of being ruthlessly tortured with an unforgivable curse for the past two weeks. I think the time for delicacy is long passed,” the older of the two twins practically scoffed. George nodded in agreement.

“Besides,” he set his gaze on you, eyes genuine and unwavering as he spoke, “she’s strong enough to handle the truth. It’s time you all stopped acting like she isn’t.”

The table fell silent. His words hung in the air as many of the adults hung their heads.

“By memory charm I’m assuming you mean obliviate?” You broke the silence, if you could you hoped to start an open conversation with the experienced witches and wizards that surrounded you.

“Yes. They’re completely reversible and once the war is over I’ll restore all of the memories.” Cecillia said.

“We know it’s a huge ask, dear, but it’s our best chance at keeping you out of that wretched creature’s hands,” Molly attempted to soothe both you and herself when she pictured what it would like to be in your shoes, how she’d feel if she had no other choice but to be forgotten by the thing she valued the most; her family. Molly Weasley had never been very good at hiding her maternal instincts, over the summer that fact had become glaringly obvious to you. You and Harry had laughed about how the children of Privet Drive had a special place in her heart.

“I understand,” you told her sadly, chewing on the inside of your lip, “I’m guessing by the atmosphere in the room that I won’t be home to say goodbye before you wipe their memories,” you shifted yours eyes from person to person, stopping when Cecillia took your hand firmly in hers.

Her lips were downturned and her eyes filled with guilt, she shook her head mournfully, “I’m afraid we can’t risk it, my darling. Even being here places you in danger at the moment.”

“Where will she go then? If CeCe’s place isn’t an option we’ll have to find a safe house,” Sirius sounded and, simultaneously, both Fred and George stood up, shoulder to shoulder with very professional expressions on their faces.

“We may be able to help with that, actually. George, if you would,” Fred started, nodding to his twin who straightened his shoulders and puffed his chest out over so slightly.

“Thank you, Fred. As you know, we have a property for Weasley Wizard Wheezes secured and we’ll be living in the flat above where the shop will be,” everyone at the table, including yourself, stared at the twins in confusion, not quite sure where they were going with their little pitch until Fred took over again.

“And that flat has three bedrooms,” he said, a smirk growing on his thin lips.

George spoke again, “Which means there’s one for me and one for Fred.”

“Which means there’s one spare,” Fred grinned wickedly.

Tonks let out an impressed laugh once the penny finally dropped, “We apparate her in and nobody would ever know a thing. Nobody other than those of us in the room know that Y/n is a friend of the Weasley’s, plus us visiting the joke shop wouldn’t raise any suspicion. I have to give it to them, it’s a great idea,”

“And one of the two of us will always be within shouting distance if anything happens,” George added, somewhat pleadingly.

Sirius looked across the table at you, “Y/n, it’s up to you. Whatever you decide will be final, we won’t interfere,” he promised sincerely. It was an easy decision, but still, it weighed heavily on your chest. In all honesty, you weren’t worried about your location, staying with the twins would surely be a light and fun time amidst all the doom and gloom. Your worry was that you would, once again, be handing over your control. Sirius dressed it up as though it was your choice, but you knew that this was probably their best option and in reality you really had no other choice than to move in with Fred and George.

“Sounds good to me,” you whispered halfheartedly, eyes dropping to stare at your lap as your teeth pulled anxiously at the skin of your lips.

“So it’s settled then,” Remus said, “Y/n will go with Fred and George tonight.”

Abruptly, you pushed your chair away from the table and stood up. Sparing nobody a glance, you left the room as quickly as you possibly could, before the lump in your throat could choke you or the tears that pooled in your eyes spilled like water through a broken dam. George made a move to rise from his seat only for Remus to stop him by placing his hand on the boy’s shoulder, “Give her a moment.”

You found yourself locked in the second story bathroom, sitting in the bath. Your legs hung out over the side of the tub while your head was tilted back against the black tiled wall. As hard as you tried to prevent them, tears were streaming down the expense of your cheeks, neck and beneath the neckline of your shirt. The minutes ticked by yet your chest continued to rise and fall rapidly due to the sobs that shook it, your breath uneven. Visions of brutal torture were bad enough when you were in your own home, in your own warm bed, with your parents just a room away and ready to make you a hot cup of tea after you woke up screaming. Now, the visions would without a doubt continue to plague you, unlike before though, you wouldn’t be waking up in a familiar setting, nor would you fall asleep in the comfort of your own mattress, when you woke up screaming so loud that your throat grew raw, your comfort would rely on two seventeen year old boys who seldom took things seriously. It’s not that you didn’t trust them, no, you trusted them with your life- you are trusting them with your life, it’s just that there was already a lot going on in your mind at the moment, moving in with your crush and his identical twin brother isn’t exactly your idea of a nerve killer.

A knock against the bathroom door pulled you from your thoughts. You rushed to wipe your tears with your sleeves, sniffling, “Come in,” you choked out. Cursing your voice for breaking when you spoke.

Remus’ head poked through the door, his body following soon after. Even in an atmosphere as dense as this one, a sense of gentle calm always followed Remus wherever he went. Clumsily, the werewolf slid into the bath beside you with a low “oof” sound, mimicking your position with his much longer legs dangling closer to the wooden floor than your own.

“CeCe has gone to collect your things for you and get Harry, then, I believe, perform the spell,” he eyed you cautiously, hyper aware of your glassy eyes and puffy face. When your eyes widened and you whipped your face towards him, his stomach twisted into knots, he hated seeing you like this. He could sympathise with your feelings. When James and Lily were killed, and Sirius went to Azkaban and even when Peter was presumed dead, Remus had been left with a vicious frustration fuelled by his belief that he was utterly powerless in his own life. He could see in your eyes that that same notion was starting to creep up on you too.

“Already?” You gasped out, pulse rising again, a slight panic setting in. “It won’t hurt them will it? The spell?” You fretted, looking pleadingly to the man beside you.

He shook his head, tenderly taking your hand and placing it against his clothed chest, his beating heart present against the palm of your shaking hand. “I promise you that they won’t feel a thing. They will go on living an exciting life, travelling, seeing the world safely while you’re away. When this is all over we’ll place their memories of you back in their minds and it will be as though you were never gone.” Your teeth found the inside of your cheek again, gnawing relentlessly at the skin as you failed miserably to hold back a fresh set of tears. Remus squeezed the hand he held against his chest. “Let it out, Y/n. It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone,” he whispered, heart sinking lower when your bottom lip quivered and you let a rasped sob leave your body. With a deep sigh, Remus used the hand he was already holding as leverage to pull you into him, wasting no time he enveloped you in his arms, holding you securely as you cried against his chest. Admittedly, it felt good to let it out, Remus’ hand rubbed soothing circles against your heaving back and eventually, you didn’t know how long it had been, you calmed down, your tear ducts all dried out.

Remus held you in his arms for a while longer, even though you’d stopped crying, he could feel your body as it continued to shake. “I can’t promise you it will all be okay, but I can assure you that myself and Sirius, and everyone else for that matter, will be there for you at the drop of a hat; whatever you need,” he spoke against your hair.

“Whatever I need?” You echoed, the pit in your stomach ever growing.

“Of course,” he confirmed.

Remus startled slightly when you suddenly tore yourself away from him. As best you could in your awkward position, you turned to face him and grabbed his hands with as much urgency as he had done with yours. “I need you to do something for me,” Remus furrowed his brows in confusion, but nodded his head anyway.

“If anything happens to me… Don’t make them remember,” you instructed, maybe the request would’ve seemed radical if you had said it to anyone else, but you knew that Remus had experienced losses like no one else you knew, perhaps Harry came close but even his shortcomings couldn’t compare to Remus’. “It’d only cause them pain. If I die and they’re happily living none the wiser, leave them be, please,” the man let out a heavy sigh and took a moment to take you in. Your eyes were hard yet pleading, they left him no room to negotiate and he understood perfectly where you were coming from.

“Alright,” he agreed before raising his eyebrow and readjusting himself to get a better look at you, “However you should know; no matter what may come of this war, none of us will forget about you. In such a short time you’ve given us so much… you gave Harry his first friendship, a friendship that he cherishes more than anything in the world, I might add. You saved Sirius from death, my fiancé and Harry’s godfather. Mentoring you has given Cecillia a new lease of life and Molly Weasley one more child to knit jumpers for at Christmas,” he took a brief pause then went on, “For the sake of saving time I won’t even begin to tell you what you mean to the twins. My point is;” there was a melancholic type of smile on his face when he paused again, as if he was imagining what it would be like to remember you fondly if you did in fact die for the cause, “What you’re asking is incredibly selfless. And while your mother and father may not remember how wonderful you are, we all will.” Remus chuckled lowly when you shuffled your way back into his arms, squeezing his middle tightly. He slung his arm around your shoulders and delicately pressed his lips to the top of your head. You held so much love in your heart for the man who was currently cradling you in his arms. You debated telling him, you weren’t sure if it was entirely appropriate but after the speech he’d just given you couldn’t have cared less, “Remus?”

“Hm?”

“I love you,” you murmured, looking up at him innocently.

He offered you a toothy smile and breathed out a soft laugh, “I love you too.” With a content nod, you rested your head back against his chest, enjoying his soothing heartbeats against your ear. A melodic hum rumbled against your cheek, a quiet giggle left your mouth when you recognised the melody to the song he was humming. The tune of “Rhiannon” by Fleetwood Mac floated through the bathroom bringing a genuine smile to your lips. The werewolf’s humming was interrupted by another knock against the bathroom door, whoever was knocking didn’t wait for a response before entering the room. Sirius stepped in and quietly shut the door behind him. He didn’t question you and Remus' position in the bath but simply slid into the tub on the other side of you, sandwiching you between himself and Remus. The black haired man let out a heavy sigh and leaned his head back against the tiles.

“The mother hens downstairs are worrying up a storm,” he said in exasperation, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Tonks so riled up about someone’s safety. I tasked Molly with making you some hot chocolate to keep her occupied”

“Maybe I should go back down…” you muttered halfheartedly, begrudgingly peeling yourself away from Remus’ warm body.

Sirius gave you an apologetic look, “I held them off for as long as I could.”

“Thanks,” you whispered, bumping your shoulder to his, making him chuckle. After pulling yourself out of the bath, rather clumsily, you took a second to check yourself over in the mirror.

“You’re glowing, darling,” Sirius all but sang from behind you and you couldn’t stop the slight snort that escaped you.

“That’s one way to put it.”

“If you don’t believe me go on downstairs and ask George what he thinks,” Sirius teased, wiggling his eyebrows and receiving a light shove from his fiancé who couldn’t hide his grin.

“Leave her alone, love,” he chastised weakly, “You look perfectly fine, Y/n. Go downstairs and get something to drink, you need to rehydrate.” A bittersweet smile broke out on your lips, his fatherly tone simultaneously soothed you and left you yearning for what you were in the process of losing. Trying not to dwell on the sad fact, you left the bathroom and slowly descended the stairs.

As you assumed, the second you stepped back into the kitchen, Molly began to fret over you as if her life depended on it. Sipping on the hot chocolate she’d given you, you were reminded of how desperately tired you were. All the crying hadn’t helped ease the heaviness in your eyes either. Every bone in your body felt heavy for that matter, you were struggling to even hold your head up.

“You can lean against my shoulder if you’d like,” George’s voice broke you from your hazed state, you’d completely forgotten he was sitting beside you despite his leg that was pressed against yours beneath the table. You gave him a sleepy but grateful smile, as subtly as you could you scooched closer to the ginger and slotted yourself against his side, letting your head fall onto his shoulder. “Will you keep me awake until Harry and Cecillia get here?” You requested in a slurred murmur, your eyes fluttering between open and shut.

“Of course,” was all he said, he looked down at you adoringly, smiling like an idiot when you nuzzled into his shoulder, your nose rubbing against his neck. Try as he might, George couldn’t pull his eyes away from your drowsy face. “What do you propose we do?”

You shrugged your shoulders lightly, “Just talk.”

“How would you like your new room decorated?” He asked quietly, his head tilted down while he spoke to you, so you could hear him and so he wouldn’t ruin the lulled bubble you’d managed to obtain between you by talking too loudly. A sweet smile grew on your face, a smile that all but knocked all the breath out of George’s lungs when you angled your head to make eye contact.

“Can I have a double bed?” George snorted at your question and shook his head no.

“Nothing smaller than a king. What else?”

You pretended to ponder for a moment, “Can we paint it?” The ginger nodded, taking his bottom lip between his teeth.

“If you want to,” he started, almost sounding nervous, “We could paint it together?” Even in your sleep deprived state you hadn’t missed the vulnerability in his voice, it was the same vulnerability that you’d noticed when he’d asked you to go get a butterbeer with him a couple of months ago.

“I’d love that,” you told him, your answer causing his lips to twist into a pleased smile, “How do you feel about the colour green?”

Immediately, his smile dropped and he let out a disgusted scoff, “Green is a Slytherin colour.”

“You keep forgetting that I don’t get the whole house sorty thing,” you reminded him, not happy with his reasoning for hating your favourite colour. “Besides, I love green, it’s my favourite colour.” You told him truthfully. Not content with his disgruntled facial expression you began to defend your preference, “A lot of beautiful things are green; you’ve got grass, trees, emeralds- did you know that emeralds are really useful for enhancing psychic abilities? It also evokes clarity of thought,” you rambled, willing yourself to be quiet when you registered George’s fond expression.

The look of endearment aimed at you brought butterflies to life in your stomach, effectively waking you up somewhat.

“Do you have any emerald?” He asked, you assumed he was only feigning interest, you didn’t know that he could’ve listened to you go on and on about anything and everything for the rest of his life.

“No, not yet. I should probably get some though.” You said through a yawn. Your breath against his neck made him giggle, it was pure and unsuspecting but you took note of it. Everything about George Weasley felt like sunshine to you, his laugh filled your chest with warmth whenever you heard it, his eyes found yours like a lighthouse, guiding your lost mind back to the present each time your gazes connected. His voice, like his laugh, warmed you up when you were cold, giving you a reason to stay awake when you’d rather just slip away. In conjunction with the sun, even if you couldn’t physically see him, you never doubted that he was always there. As well as all of that, like your favourite tarot card; The Sun, he signified good things, hope that hard times will end with you on top, contentment and happiness. While your thoughts consisted of George’s similarities to the sun, his were consumed with the, in his mind, overwhelmingly cheesily romantic notion that you were the moon and the stars, he would’ve cringed if he didn’t wholeheartedly believe it. Everything that made the night sky magnificent was reflected in you. Like the stars, you were mysterious and captivating. Nothing seemed to compare to your glow or beauty, if you were to ask him what he preferred; you or the night sky on a clear night, he’d happily ignore a blank, starless sky in favour of simply staring at you as you went on tangent after tangent about crystals or tarot cards.

The pair of you were pulled from your musings when Harry rushed through the kitchen door looking unmistakably heartbroken, ever the empath when it came to his best friend, Harry’s heart sank the moment he laid eyes on your form, limp against George’s side. The second you saw him you all but ripped yourself from George’s side and the older redhead felt a surge of irrational jealousy begin to build in his chest at how fast you left his hold in favour of the chosen one. He knew it was ridiculous, he’d heard the way each of you respectively talked about each other, at this point you were practically siblings. But he supposed it was rational to be jealous when you liked someone the way he liked you.

Quickly, you crossed the room to Harry who had his arms already outstretched. He knew you were emotionally exhausted when you didn’t bear hug him. You meekly slid your arms beneath his open zip-up hoodie, tucked your head beneath his chin and didn’t say a word. “I shouldn’t bother asking if you’re okay then,” Harry muttered to himself, leaning his cheek against the top of your head and wrapping his lanky arms around your frame.

“Did Cecillia remember to bring Astra?” You asked, it was all you wanted to know about the night’s events.

“She’s in her cage in the living room, darling,” Cecilia said, walking into the room looking guilty.

“C’mon, let’s go have a chat,” Harry suggested, leading you out of the kitchen and upstairs to his unofficial room. Once inside the room you sat down on the edge of the bed, the blue duvet softly creasing beneath you. Harry plopped himself down beside you and offered you a gesture that was always saved for when either of you felt the other was on the edge of something dangerous. Your hands rested against your lap and he deftly slid his pinky over yours, intertwining your two littlest fingers. It was such a familiar experience; he’d done it when your grandparents died, when you’d cried over failed exams that you worked hard for, and in turn, you did it for him when he’d felt as though he had no place in the world, when he’d open up about his parents and when Cedric died and the ministry dragged his name through the mud you’d find your pinky tangled with his almost every night after he’d sneak over to your place after another nightmare or panic attack. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You shook your head, “Not tonight. I don’t want to cry anymore,” you croaked out, looking straight ahead of you at the grey painted wall.

“I understand,” he said, sighing and dropping his head onto your shoulder, “Let’s talk about something else then.”

“Like what, Haz?”

Harry snorted out a chuckle, “Like the way George looked like he wanted to hex me when you left him to come to me,” he teased, a smug lilt to his voice.

“He wasn’t teasing me, perhaps I’ll go back to him,” you grumbled, ignoring Harry’s childish giggles.

“Yeah you’d like that wouldn’t you?” You smacked his arm lightly with your free hand, doing a bad job of containing giggles of your own. “Don’t worry, since he’s going to be your new roommate there will be plenty of time for “oh George I’m so sleepy, please hold me until I fall asleep”,” you let out a cackle at Harry’s terrible impression of your voice, laying your cheek against his wild hair.

“That is so not what was going on, Haz,” you defended with a tiny smile.

Harry let out an airy, disbelieving chuckle, “Then what was going on?”

“He just said I could lean on him until you and Cecillia arrived and we just started chatting about how I wanna decorate my room,” you explained truthfully and Harry nodded.

“Riveting,” he mumbled sarcastically. Despite his snarky comment, the boy removed his head from your shoulder and pulled you against his chest. “Jokes aside, I’m glad you’re staying with him, I know he’ll look after you for me,” you rolled your eyes at the sentiment.

“I don’t need to be looked after,” you reminded him, looking up at him with a chastising smile.

He rolled his eyes right back at you, jostling you slightly in his arms, “No. But you like to be.”

You threw your head back in laughter, “Yeah, I suppose I do.” You did. You quite like both doting on people and being doted on, you’d grown up in an affectionate family so it was no wonder really.

“It’s getting late. We should get you settled into your new home,” Harry announced, pulling himself and you up from the bed, “I wasn’t going to say anything but you look terrible. You need sleep.”

“Thank you, Harry. Just what every girl wants to hear before moving in with her crush,” you joked, gently hitting your hip against his.

The kitchen was quiet when you returned, it seemed everyone had grown tired from the dramatic events of the evening.

“Ready to go then?” Fred asked, his coat already on and a handful of your bags in his hands.

“As I’ll ever be I suppose.”

After saying goodbye to everyone you, Fred and George traveled to their apartment by floo, to your dismay. The apartment was bare as they’d only just moved in but you could see it had lots of potential for becoming a cozy home for the twins.

As your first night in your new residence began, your aching eyes and tired mind didn’t leave you with any time to dwell on current events, the second your head made contact with the pillow you were out like a light. A dreamless slumber welcomed you for a while until your peace was broken by the all too familiar nightmare.

The first thing you recognised was the burn coming from your wrists. Shackles adorned them and effectively held your hands high above your head, stretching them uncomfortably. Goosebumps painted the expanse of your arms and legs, due to the freezing temperature in the nondescript cellar. A feeling of hopelessness planted firmly in your chest, the feeling only hightening when the familiar echo of footsteps, heavy and loud, drifted from the corridor outside of your field of vision. You knew who was approaching, you’ve lived this before, and so, you held your lip between your teeth and squeezed your eyes shut. The face of the dark wizard who always brought about your intense suffering was, for the most part, completely fuzzy, unrecognisable, featureless and bone-chillingly terrifying. You’d learned over the last two weeks of having this vision that it was less harrowing if you closed your eyes.

“I’ll ask you once more,” The voice was distorted, like it was being heard through a weedy radio, ominously unplaceable, “Where is he?”

You held no control over your voice, as was the norm during visions, as you felt and heard yourself reply, “I’ll tell you once more; I’d sooner die then sell him to you.” You felt your teeth gritting and your jaw clenching while you spoke. Jaw only tightening when the pointed tip of the wizard’s wand stabbed unforgivingly against the column of your neck.

“And die you will, my dear. But not yet-“ your eyes sealed themselves shut and you did your best to shake yourself out of the vision before what you knew was coming took place, as usual, your attempts were fruitless, “-Crucio.” Just like that your body was consumed by pain, the likes of which you’d never imagined possible, until you couldn’t even register yourself screaming anymore.

You bolted upright, clutching at the sheets of your new bed. Laboured breaths left your mouth and you aimlessly gripped at your neck, where the wand had been pressed, and let the tears spill freely. Momentarily disoriented, you’d forgotten where you were. Deep, heavy bursts of air left your mouth as you hastily scurried out of bed and towards the door. Somewhat aimlessly, you gravitated to the door across the hall. A yellow hue seeped from under the frame into the otherwise dark hallway. Light flooded the hall once you managed to fumble the handle down and pull the door ajar, a discombobulated ginger greeting you with half lidded eyes, obviously having been dozing off before you disturbed his peace.

“Sorry,” you rasped once your peace of mind returned to you and you realised where you were. Despite knowing that you shouldn’t have been standing numbly in his doorway, your feet seemed to be rooted in place, you couldn’t have walked away if you wanted to.

“S’alright,” George called out to you softly, sitting up in his bed, his back against the headboard. “You can come in, you know.”

Shutting the door behind you, you nervously shuffled into the room, stopping when you reached the side of his bed. George’s eyes roamed your face and he took notice of your still somewhat panicked expression, he drew his covers to the side and patted the empty space by his side. Something that always intrigued you was people’s preferred side of the bed, some people gravitated towards the left while others were more biased towards the right, but George Weasley? He slept right in the middle. The twin slept with a huge number of pillows, to the point where it was almost laughable, many of which you could only guess he’d smuggled from the Burrow.

Far too wound up to save face, you slid into his bed and didn’t shy away when he guided you into his side and tucked you tenderly beneath his lean arm. His embrace offered a greatly appreciated warmth as the chill of the dank dungeon always lingered long after the vision itself was over.

“What’re you doing up so late?” You asked, your voice gravelly. As you spoke, George effortlessly shuffled your body and his down so that your backs were resting on the mattress and not the headboard. Your head found it’s home against George’s shoulder and your hair was being tentatively twirled between his fingers.

“It’s our first night actually sleeping here. I couldn’t get to sleep,” he explained, his voice low and laced with fatigue. “I’m not really used to having my own room. It’s strange not hearing Freddie snoring or breathing.”

“I get that,” you whispered, “it’s quite comforting knowing for certain that someone is there with you.”

George nodded then. His eyes were glued to your face and he hadn’t even registered his own thought process before his lips were pressing delicately against your forehead. Today had appeared to be the day for laying all your cards out on the table, yourself and George hadn’t danced around your feelings for each other half as much as you usually did when you’d be in each other’s presence. Neither of you had the energy anymore, besides, if today’s events proved anything it was that; things were getting seriously messy as the war built momentum and it was clear that time was something that could very well be running out.

“Yeah,” he regarded you carefully, a little grin growing on his lips, “It is.”

A comfortable silence overtook the room. George’s twirling of your hair never ceased, every now and then his fingers would ghost over your shoulder and you’d catch yourself smiling against the cotton of his shirt as your eyes grew tired enough that they were close to falling shut.

Just as you were working up the motivation to lift yourself up and trudge back to your own bed, George spoke, “You can sleep here if you want, with me,” there was that innocent vulnerability again. There was never an ulterior motive when it came to him, he did things purely for the sake of making others happy, if he felt he could make a difference he simply needed to. Especially when it came to you, he realised.

“You don’t mind?” You asked, daring to peek up at him.

“Course not. I could use some company anyway.” He reassured you, his lips returning to your forehead, only this time the action held far more intention. “You don’t snore do you, love?”

You snorted out a giggle, looking up at the ginger cheekily, mischief dripping from your little grin that forced George’s heart to stutter rather violently and he hoped you hadn’t noticed. “No. But I drool.”

George’s face contorted, his nose scrunching up adorably in disgust, “Do you really?”

“Suppose you’ll have to find out, won’t you?” You teased and he sighed deeply, his disgruntled expression melting into a soft, adoring smile.

“I should’ve expected this, I knew you couldn’t have been completely perfect,” he said, mockingly sorrowful.

You scoffed, pushing his chest lightly, “You’re doing a lot of sweet talking tonight, Mr. Weasley,” you told him and he shrugged innocently.

“Just wanted to see you smiling again, darling.”

“Yeah, well, you’re doing a good job,” you assured him, the bashful yet tired smile that stretched your lips as you gazed up at him proved that you meant what you’d just said. “I like it by the way, the sweet talking.”

At your words, a huge, shit eating smirk grew on the boy’s freckled face. He managed to rearrange your bodies so that you were still tucked under his arm but you were now facing each other at eye level. “I knew it,” he proclaimed cockily.

You raised a challenging eyebrow, biting back a smirk, “Oh did you?”

George nodded pridefully, “‘Course I did. You see, I’m a little bit psychic,” his words forced a booming laugh from your lips, your cheeks hurting from the smile he’d orchestrated.

You shook your head, smile never dulling as you let out a chastising whisper, “oh sod off.”

“I love your smile,” he said suddenly, his eyes widened in horror when he realised he’d uttered the words out loud. The world could’ve stopped in that moment and you wouldn’t have noticed, all you could take in was George’s face, his eyes searching yours for something.

Carefully, you slid from hand from his chest to his red, blushing face. You cupped his cheek gently, moving your thumb against his cheek bone, almost swooning where you lay when he nuzzled against your touch. Working up some Gryffindor courage, George mimicked your movement, removing his arm from around your shoulder and bringing his palm to rest against the curve of your jaw.

As you stared at each other, you weighed up the pros and cons of telling him that you were completely head over heels for him. Your decision, apparently taking far too long, was made for you when George tugged you impossibly closer to him.

“I wasn’t going to tell you… you’ve had so much going on I didn’t want to overwhelm you,” he said, brown eyes boring into your soul.

“Tell me what?”

He took a deep breath, preparing himself for every possible outcome that may spring once the words on the tip of his tongue are spoken aloud, “That I love you.”

[yourmidnightlover]

the nickname

Summary: reader convinced spencer to let her take the reins in the bedroom... or does she?

TW: oral (male recieving), fingering, mention of overstimulation, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, penetrative sex, riding, scratching, use of nicknames (princess, love, etc.), hints at sugar daddy!spencer, age gap (not specified but i’m thinking around 10-15 years). *let me know if i missed anything*

WC: 2,912

A/N: this hinted at sugar daddy!spencer (not really hinted so much as saying it outright). I also wrote this for @anxiousblanketqueen ‘s fic contest for her birthday! i believe it’s prompt number 21. i hope you enjoy :)

————————————————————————

you had been together for a while, now. maybe 13 months? you bet spencer could recall - more like knew he could.

you had met when you were one of his students. you're going to georgetown on an academic scholarship because no way in hell could you pay for the full tuition when you still couldn't afford it with the scholarships.

he took a liking to you - how could he not? you were a hard worker and proved yourself to be extremely determined. on top of the obvious intelligence, you had a beauty that radiated around you. and that beauty had a touch of... innocence. and maybe that innocent beauty is what initially attracted him to you, but he'd like to think it was just your personality as a whole.

you were never one of the students who would come to his office after hours for help you clearly didn't need. you would use your colored pens and highlighters to help organize your notes, so it took a while to pack everything up to leave.

one day, when there weren't any students lined up out his door, he went to your seat as you were cleaning up. you looked up, rather surprised that your inappropriate crush was standing right by you.

"uhm... hi," you smiled at him as you put your pencil pouch in your bag, breaking eye contact for the briefest of seconds before returning your attention back to him.

"hi. i was uhm..." he cleared his throat, "i was wondering if you had any questions? you never come to the office hours for questions and i was just... just making sure," he stuttered out.

"oh," you chuckled a light, airy laugh that spencer wished he had recorded so he could replay it over and over and over. "i don't have any questions. i guess that just means that you're a really good professor - very thorough," you stood up and flung the bag over your shoulder, still incredibly shorter than him.

"than-thank you," he smiled. "i'm happy to hear that you're actually getting something out of the lessons," you began walking out of the classroom, looking back to ensure that he was following you.

"yes, i truly do," you agreed. "i'm also pretty sure i'm one of the other people who isn't auditing the class," you added.

"correct, you are," he enthusiastically gestured, another laugh leaving your beautiful lips.

"i mean, you can't necessarily blame them for just taking the class," you chuckled as he held the door open for you, you gave him a subtle 'thank you.'

"what do you mean?" he asked in a soft tone.

"i mean you- you're..." you trailed off, gesturing to his entire body in hopes to convey what you meant. he just looked at you with a confused taste, letting you know you needed to elaborate. "you're very... attractive, professor reid."

"oh-that's very... thank you," he blushed as you halted by the bus stop.

"of course," you turned around, looking up to meet his eyes. "so... wait, what time is it?" you asked rather frantically.

"it's," he looked at his silver watch adorning his wrist, "6:27."

"shit," you swore for the first time in front of him, underneath your breath.

"wha-what is it?" he asked, perplexed as to why you would be so frustrated.

"the last bus leaves at 6:15 and i've missed it," you huffed out, trying to compose yourself before checking your bag and realizing, "i forgot my key and my roommate is at her girlfriend's house."

"is there anything i could do?" he asked concerned.

"no i can... i can just stay at the library. i should probably study up anyway," you tried to laugh it off although you knew it was pointless... he was a profiler for christ's sake.

"the library? y/n, this might seem a bit inappropriate but i have a spare room you could stay in until your roommate gets back," he offered kindly.

so, you took him up on his offer.

you slept in his spare room after he got you both takeout. you laughed and talked for what seemed like meer minutes but turned out to be until 1 a.m. you talked about string theory and the leonard euler's paradox. he gave you interesting facts about tortoises and achilles.

that little hangout session turned into countless hangouts over the span of three months. and then he asked you out on a real date once you finished at the top of his class - and not just because you were his favorite.

the first time with spencer was... beyond delightful. he was captivating with the way he worked against and for your body. it was almost as if he felt like his sole purpose on earth was to please you. he was eager, yet patient with the way his tongue flicked and sucked at your skin.

he was such a dominant personality in the bedroom, which was extremely appreciated since you didn't have much experience in that arena. but now that you were more versed in that world, you wanted to experiment a bit more.

casually, he began to pay for your things. it wasn't so head-on at first. it would be paying for your groceries, or buying all of your college books for you. but then it got a bit bigger. when your roommate couldn't give you the necessary half of the rent that was due and was beginning to be a nuisance, spencer quite literally let you move into his place. he would pay for your car's repairs and bought you jewelry consistently.

one time, as a joke, you called him your sugar daddy - mostly because that's how he acted. he just didn't like the term. he felt as though it made your relationship together seem one-sided when you were, in fact, very in love with the man. you came to realize it also made you seem like a gold digger, which you weren't - even though the money is a nice plus. so, you relented and didn't say that again.

spencer never really had much time off now that he was working back at the bau and traveling but now, you had him to yourself for a whole week. you had been planning this since he told you when he'd be off.

step 1: look sexy - you always looked sexy to him, but feeling sexy would also be a plus.

step 2: surprise him while looking sexy - absolutely devious.

step 3: seduce him - when doesn't he want you? exactly.

it was foolproof.

you had gotten the text 15 minutes ago that spencer was on his way back to his place, wanting you to meet him there once he had settled in. little did he know that you were in a sexy little white number - the white reminded him of your innocence which really got him going - lying in wait for him in a pair of heels. you sat in one of his reading chairs, deciding to pick up a book until he got home.

when you heard the jingling of keys coming from the other side of the door, you assumed your position. the chair was turned toward the door, you sitting pretty with one leg crossed over the other.

spencer walked through the door, hanging his coat and briefcase up before finally noticing you. his eyebrows shot up, looking your body up and down hungrily.

"wow," he smiled a wicked grin as he slowly made his way to where you were sitting. you stood up, heels clicking as they hit the floor and walked closer to him.

"i wanna try something," you placed your hands on his chest, pushing him back slightly until he was forced to sit down on the couch.

"and what would that be, princess?" he asked, hands stroking your hair that was cascading down your back.

"i..." you bent down to whisper in his ear, "i want to be in charge tonight," you placed a soft kiss below his earlobe, feeling his body shudder subtly at the proposition.

"are you sure you can handle that?" he chuckled, hands roaming to your waist and grinding your hips down on his.

you almost gave up. almost. you grasped his hands, placing them on the arm of the couch before getting close to his face. your lips were almost touching before you whispered, "no touching today, pretty boy."

you felt his hips rut up against your core, you chuckled at his eagerness. you decided to throw him a bone and ground down, hard, against his hips. the groan he let out was low and enticing, nearly enough to allow you to give him whatever he wanted.

"bedroom," you whispered against his neck before getting off of his lap, allowing him to scurry to the room. "take off your clothes while you're at it!" you giggled under your breath as you heard his clothes shuffling, telling you that he was obeying your request.

you waited a couple of minutes until you went into the room, wanting to have him go a bit insane like he normally did to you. when you walked in, he was laying on his back on the bed, just like you wanted. his cock was already red and leaky, prominent as it bounced on his tummy.

"good boy, spence," you giggled, walking over to him and straddling his legs.

once you were settled, you pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before trailing them down his torso, leaving the occasional hickey scattered on his chest. traveling kisses down his happy trail, you traced the vein on his dick and watched it twitch up and hit his stomach once again you giggled at the reaction.

"now i understand why you like so much responsiveness," you chuckled as you pressed a soft, barely-there kiss to the tip of his cock, he hissed once again from the contact.

you slowly took his cock in your mouth, agonizingly slow, and flattened your tongue at the base. one you got him as far down you could manage, you began bobbing your head just as slow. his hands flew to your hair, trying to force you to go faster until you swatted them away.

"should i tie those up?" you threatened, your hand working at his member as you spoke.

"are you fucking kidding me?" he swore, clearly agitated by your antics.

"no," you squeezed his dick for punctuation, the way he grunted made the wetness pool in your underwear. "i'm not kidding you."

you took him in your mouth once more, bobbing your head far more vigorously than before this time, just to spite him. hollowing your cheeks, you swallowed around him and began gagging around his dick before coming back up for air.

"fuck," he whispered underneath his breath, not wanting to let you know just how much of an effect you had on him.

you smiled to yourself and continued your antics until he was spilling all down your throat. you didn't stop there, you came back up and let your hand continue pumping his member slowly.

"shit," he hissed from the stimulation.

"shhh," you put your free finger up to his lips.

you gave his dick a few more strokes, curses leaving his lips delightfully before you drew your hands up his body once more before straddling his lap. after moving your panties to the side and slicking his cock with your arousal, you ground against him leisurely, trying to tease him a bit more. you unclasped your bra, throwing it somewhere in the room. finally, you reached between the two of you and lined him up with your entrance.

"are you sure you can do this?" spencer asked, not to entice you, but to make sure you were alright.

"there's a first for everything," you chuckled, knowing you had never been on top before.

you had never been on top before - you'd like to blame your lack of experience. you knew it might be hard to keep up the pace, but you were determined to make not only yourself but also make spencer feel good. that's all you've ever wanted. that's what you're meant to do - make him feel good. so no matter what it took, you'd make it happen.

you slowly lowered yourself onto his dick, being wary of how much bigger he felt from the new angle.

"shit," you whispered, your hands resting on his chest in attempt to ground yourself. "oh god..." you trailed off, feeling your dominant personality fade away as the pleasure overtook you.

"keep going, princess," he spurred you on, his hands finding your waist and rubbing gentle circles on your skin. "you've got it."

so you rose on your knees until only his tip was inside of you for you to lower yourself once more. you whimpered from the feeling of him re-entering your body, your pussy clenching around him as if he were an intruder.

"doing so good for me," he grasped your waist a bit tighter so he could help you rise and fall on his cock. "fuck, it's so good."

"d-doctor, i-" you stuttered, the persona nearly entirely gone and nowhere to be seen as he continued to move you up and down.

when you learn forward, your face hovering over spencer's chest, he took the opportunity to wrap his arms entirely around your waist. before you knew it, he was slamming his length into your pussy over and over and over and over again.

"oh! oh my god," you moaned, your voice reaching a higher octave as he drilled into your body in the most pleasurable way imaginable. "don't stop! don't stop! ple-please!" you screamed out, your hands wrapping around his torso and squeezing his body to ensure that he was there - present.

"i won't, princess. just let go. let go for me," he pressed a kiss to the top of your head so sweetly in contrast to how he was fucking you.

"i'm cumming! oh god, i'm cumming, spencer!" you cried out as you released the tension from inside of you.

only spencer wasn't done yet, so he took himself out of you, and he placed you on your back before reentering you. he moved in and out of you at a godly pace, trying to get himself to his climax before you would become too overwhelmed from the overstimulation.

"spen- spencer," you scratched at his back, surely leaving red marks for him to ogle once you were through. "i-i'm close," you sucked lightly at his earlobe before he moved his hand between the two of you, circling the little bundle of nerves at your crest.

"my little insatiable bunny, huh?" he smiled as you whimpered into his ear, nearing your second release. "loves my cock a bit too much, huh?"

"please! fuck!" you shouted out as you came on his dick, pulling at his hair. the clenching and fluttering of your pussy finally sending him over the edge, his hot release flooding your insides.

"fuck," he groaned into your ear as he carried the two of you through your releases. "good job, princess," he pressed a kiss to your neck as you stroked his hair, playing with it as you were still coming down.

"i'm sorry," you frowned once he pulled out, finally making eye contact as he lay down beside you.

"what for?" he asked incredulously.

"i just... i wanted to make you proud and i couldn't even finish without your help," you explained in a whiney manner, not allowing yourself to meet his beautiful eyes.

"hey," he grasped your chin to force you to make eye contact. "i love it when i have to help you reach that high. that's not something to be embarrassed or upset about."

"i know but i wanted to ride you and i couldn't even do that," you rolled your eyes.

"it takes time to get used to doing that," he chuckled. "and besides, riding someone on the bed is never a good way to begin. the couch is always better - that way you have the back of it to hold onto."

"really? so it's not that i'm just terrible at being a top?" your eyes widened with hope, he smiled at your eagerness.

"i think you could be a switch but it needs a bit of work, my love," he brushed your hair behind your ear before seeing your disappointed gaze and adding, "but i'll bet that with enough practice i could start calling you my little bunny, yea?"

"really?" you perked up at the proposition. "i want you to call me that."

"well then, i guess we better start practicing," he grinned before leaning in and giving you a sloppy kiss, his hands flying to your waist as he stood the both of you up to go to the couch.

needless to say, with spencer's guidance you were able to master the art of riding him. and you got that special little nickname, too.

taglist:

@averyhotchner

@greenprisca

@muffin-cup

@emilyprentisslittlewhore​

@spenxerslut​

if you’d like to be added to the taglist, please don’t hesitate to message me or leave a comment saying so!

[into-crazy]

little something

Just some headcanons where J gifts you Louboutins

Ledger!Joker x Reader

Warnings- Cursing, mentions of criminal activity, brief nsfw points, ages 18+

Disclaimer: I do not own or claim any rights to the products that are mentioned in this post. Copyrights of the mentioned products belong to Christian Louboutin.

This is probably the most random set of headcanons I've done so far. I don't know exactly how this came to me, but it did and I just kinda rolled with it. To be honest, I'm not sure if anyone will like this or not. But if you do, then hey thanks!!

J never criticized your style or choice of clothing. The man found you gorgeous in everything or nothing at all. It wasn't the clothes which made you attractive. No. The fact that you're so unapologetically you, now that he found attractive. You were fearless in expressing yourself in and out of your clothing.

Sure J didn't care much, but he did pay attention. His attentiveness had him noticing when one of your articles was new. Every so often would he even give his attempt at a compliment on them.

"I like that shirt. It's new, right?" // "Those jeans are lookin' real good on ya, doll." // "Oh is that a new little bra ya got there, bunny? Hm, I want nothing more than to tear that off of you right now. But I won't since ya just got it.. although, ya could get another.."

To others, these might have come off as creepy. But you found them pretty endearing.

With a unique taste for various styles, you appreciated going to thrift shops. Those places usually have the cutest clothes which you could mend to your liking. Cheap articles to style and wear as your own. Department stores with moderately priced clothing were a go-to, too.

Without bragging, you had a great talent for wearing cheap clothes and making them look expensive. You knew how to style and accessorize. Put together a $15 pair of jeans, $4 top, a $40 pair of shoes and you've got an amazing outfit to work with.

You avoided high end departments. Even though you had the money to indulge and shop in them, you simply chose not to. You didn't see the appeal for overpriced clothing.

Hundreds, sometimes even thousands, of dollars for something that you'd just wear. Simple attire that was priced as such because they're popular and high end. No way you're going to cough up $150 for a simple brand top with a tiny logo. That should be a crime all in its own for robbery! Plus, often times the department clerks and other shoppers in those shops were snobby, rude, and rather nosey.

Though there was one luxury brand item that struck your fancy- Louboutin red bottoms. The high-end stiletto footwear that incorporates shiny, red-lacquered soles. Now those are a sexy pair of heels. Very elegant and stylish. Also in the hundred/thousand dollar range, but ohh are they so worth it. Although you thought it would be nice to own a pair or two, you wouldn't buy them.

You casually brought it up to J one time as you skimmed through a magazine. On one of the pages, there was an advertisement for the stilettos. You'd shown him the picture. "Now, I'm not one for material things. But these, I'd definitely wear these."

J listened in curiosity, he knew you so well. You didn't buy expensive things for yourself, and you never asked him for them. However, he seen it in your eyes how much you wanted them. If you saved up, you could buy them for yourself. Plus J had a large amount of stolen money to give to you- which you never asked him for any of, either. He could steal them for you. But then again, you never asked. So he engaged. "If ya like 'em so much, why don't you have any?"

"Hell no!" You retort. "Could you imagine if I were to walk around Gotham in those expensive heels? I'd be a walking target!" You remind him that your goal is NOT to draw unwanted attention while you go about your daytime life.

I mean, you both know that you can take care of yourself. You had knowledge of basic self-defense combat and how to handle a various array of weapons. Special thanks to J for helping you spruce up on your tactics and even teaching you new techniques. Also, you always carry a concealed handgun when going out. So to the best of your abilities, you can hold your own. It's just better not to opt for any more problems.

J doesn't say anything after that, he simply hummed. But the thought had started bouncing around in his already busy mind. A new task. He figured since he wore custom high-cost clothing, the best of the best, then why shouldn't you own a nice pair of shoes? After all you're his, and he wanted to give it to you.

A few days later, you came home to a sight that genuinely surprised you- Set up nicely around your living space, there were 8 large Louboutin gift bags arranged on the floor. No question, you already knew they were from J.

You chuckled and shook your head in disbelief. You hadn't thought that J had actually taken that brief comment you made about liking these shoes into consideration.

Each bag contained a brand new pair of the signature stilettos in various colors and styles. Two of them being boots for when the weather's colder.

You were surprised that he'd gotten them in the correct size. He really does pay attention. Or perhaps he rummaged through your closet to find out for himself. Whatever the case was, you didn't care. Since J rarely ever got you any gifts, and never anything as pricey as these. So you savored the precious moment.

He left the receipt in the gift bag containing the classic black pair of stilettos. He'd actually bought them rather than just steal them, which would've been a more ideal and convenient thing for him to do. Come on, he's The Joker. When's the last time he ever paid for something?

He'd even left a note for you to find in one of the boxes. Written in his own scraggly handwriting- No one's gonna mess with you, I will make sure of that xoxo -J

Tears formed beneath your eyes, how much you wanted to thank him. Hug him, squeeze him tight. Kiss his painted lips and face repeatedly while his face scrunched in mock annoyance to your affections. It deeply frustrated you that you couldn't right then. But alas, he had a city to terrorize and a caped crusader to antagonize. So you had to hold on to that energy for a later time.

You don't know what you've done to deserve such a bitterly sweet(but will never fucking own up to it) man as your J.

Pairing the red bottoms along with the articles in your wardrobe was a tricky task. But with your natural talents and a bit of shopping, you've managed to put together some classy and elegant outfits.

You'd even purchased a tasteful, sparkly anklet with a letter J on it. Which undeniably, J surely liked to see on you- THEN coupled with a pair of heels he'd gotten you? Now that's a sight he's very pleased to see.

It was something which J was quite fond of- you expressing your appreciation for his gifts. Just don't expect him to admit that.

It's also no surprise that you'd wear the stilettos with lingerie(or nothing at all) and it leads to some pretty steamy sex sessions.

J especially savors the pleasant sting as they dig into his lower back when he's on top of you. So don't be shy to dig those heels in there!

When you just so happen to wear out your red bottoms, J might consider getting you a new pair or two. Again, as receiving gifts from him are rare occurrences. But at the times which he does surprise you with a gift, no matter what it is, it never fails to take your breath away.

[under-the-cherrytree]

Heya! Thank you for answering my request! Now, can I get yandere big bro. Not an incest obviously l. teru, kou and tsukasa and hanako with little sis/bro gn s/o?

Now the thing is s/o usually got a mistreat at school due to people jealous of them (kou,teru) on tsukasa & hanako case (a yokai seems to wanting tsukasa & hanako beloved dead)

However s/o seems to not mind it at all. Btw, s/o is student at the school. And seems to be reincarnated after they die, and seems to believed hanako & tsukasa after they said they were s/o ghost brother and s/o reincarnated.

Now what would be the scenario when they find s/o is sitting on the floor. Wet around their hair and their clothes seems to be been damaged. When they Ask what happen s/o said.

"oh, big brother, I'm sorry...i'm really is...today is your birthday...but..." S/o keep cry and then said this while sobbing so hard "today, there's a girl who want me to introduce her to you. But I want to give you the gift and reject her, the girl obviously didn't take it well and...she make her group do this" "i-i...keep...trying to saving money to buy you this caused i want it to be secret...but-i..guess..there's nothing to give to you" while showing a blue (blue sky) (blue light) kou.

Tsukasa & Hanako Case

"big brother...since this is your both birthday I thought it would be better to get you both a gift. But there's a girl who hate me. I didn't even knew why?" And then s/o just said while sobbing "I..know big brother hanako love donut, and and I'm sure big brother tsukasa loves it too...so I baked a homemade donut, but that girl destroy it...she...she said my cook is the worst and people who eat it will puked and not even a ghost want it" "also she steal the necklace that I buy for you two since she say I did not deserved that"

Green (hanako) red (tsukasa)

Headcannon and oneshot again please!

The Minamoto brothers and the Yugi twins with a bullied younger sibling❣︎

Warings: Hinting to murder?, bullying, abuse, slight cursing

A/n: Hey! Of course of course, I try to answer requests to the best of my ability!

I did this with the siblings combined so hope you don’t mind shshjsh

Heehee hope you enjoy, my love~

Teru was your older brother and he made that known to the school

You loved the fact that you were known as Teru’s younger sibling

You loved your brother

But you knew you would be used for it

People would fake being your friend just to get close to Teru

Then once they got rejected, they always blamed you

You didn’t mind, you still wanted to be Teru’s younger sibling

Teru slowly picked up on this

He knew something was up so he told Kou

Those two tried to keep a close eye on you

But while they were there, it look like you had lots of friends

But when they left the bullying begun again

But sooner or later, the other girls true colors will start to show

Teru and Kou are protective brothers

The girls in your class should have known to not get on your brothers bad side

“Teru-nii! Looks like you got a lot of presents!” Kou called out, running to his older brother who was standing at the entrance of the school. Teru chuckled and looked back at his backpack which was full with presents from fangirls.

“Well, I guess I do...” Teru patted his younger brother on the head, making him smile brightly. “Where’s Y/n? Aren’t they supposed to be with you after cleaning the bathroom?”

“They are…” Kou's expression turned into a slightly worried one “but they said they had to go early. They told me something about wanting to get something prepared to give to you for your birthday…”

Teru sighed, he was worried. He already had suspicions that you were getting mistreated in your class but he didn’t know for sure so he never confronted you about it. He has confronted Kou about this and he had the same suspictions as well.

“Well let's go get them!” Teru clapped his hands and made his way towards the building.

“Do you think it's…” Kou didn’t want to finish the sentence.

“Let's hope not.” Teru’s carefree expression lowered at the thought. “Do you know where they went?”

Kou thought for a moment.

“No, but I know they aren’t in the old school building…”

Teru and Kou walked around the school for a while, looking for you in no avail. Kou pointed out little droplets of water that slowly got bigger reaching to the school's lockers. The boys froze when they heard sounds of sobbing. They turned the corner to see you facing your lockers drenched in water. You leaned onto your locker, closing it.

“Y/n..!” Kou called out, making you turn to him. “What happened?!”

“Who the hell did this to you…?” Teru asked, examining your ripped close and abused appearance. You looked at him and only cried more.

“I’m sorry big brother Teru…”

“Y/n, you don't need to be sorry, this isn’t your fault..!” Teru hugged you “What happened..?”

“I-its your birthday today… but there was this girl who wanted me to introduce you to her... but I said no, she didn’t take it too well and did this…” You sobbed into his shoulder. Teru’s grip on you tightened thinking about how this only happened while he was outside with Kou.

“I-I saved my money… to buy you a nice sky blue necklace… and I even got big brother Kou light blue one as well… b-but she destroyed it and I don’t have anything to g-give you…”

“Y/n that’s so sweet! We are extremely thankful!” Kou tried to lighten the mood a bit, giving you a gracious smile. You could see tears pricking the corner of his eyes. Teru was still angry that his suspicions were true, he was praying they weren’t.

“Who did this?” Teru sternly asked.

“I-it’s fine Teru…” You kneeled to the ground picking up pieces from the necklace she destroyed “She already left… there is nothing I can do now…”

“Y/n… please…” Kou kneeled down next to you and put his hand on yours.

“Guys, what would make me feel better is if we got home… can we please go home?” Your voice was begging. You just wanted to be in a warm blanket watching T.V. with your siblings.

That's all you wanted right now.

“Okay… I’m sorry Y/n, let's go home okay!” Teru gave you his jacket which you happily accepted.

“Even though I couldn’t get the gift, it meant the world to me!”

----

You sighed walking to your classroom. It was early and you were tired. You were happy your brothers didn’t ask you about it for the rest of the night, you didn’t want them to worry. You thought you would get a load from the girls who did this to you yesterday but you were shocked when she bowed in front of you instead.

“Y/n! I am so sorry! Please forgive me for what I did to you yesterday! It was very rude of me and I am very sorry!” She was shaking.

“Oh, uh, it’s alright..! No need to bow, I forgive you…” You put your hands in front of your chest, genuinely confused. Once she stood straight up you saw a big red mark on her cheek. She had tears in her eyes but ran to her desk before you could get a better look at her. You looked to Tsuchigomori who only nodded with an apologetic look on his face.

‘What happened this morning…?’

----

“Teru? You still look down?” Kou faced his brother as they both walked to class.

“Sorry Kou… just a little upset by the person who did this to Y/n…” Teru apologetically smiled.

“Well you slapped her, that taught her a lesson!” Kou encouraged.

“Trust me Kou,” Teru’s smile turned into a frown

“If a teacher wasn’t there, I would have kicked her ass.”

Amane found it unforunate you were caught in the crossfire of him and his brothers conflic causing you too kill yourself as well

Tsukasa thought it was great that his younger sibling was now dead too

Gosh Tsukasa-

But what they didn’t expect was for you to get resurrected

You were able to see supernaturals yourself and you couldn’t age from the day you died but you weren’t a ghost like your brothers

Tsuchigamori helped you establish a somewhat normal school life

It was all good for the most part, you were back in school, Hanako was the leader of the 7 mysteries, and Tsukasa was just crazy happy

The fact you are getting mistreated is mostly Tsukasa’s fault

Like he can make a lot of enemies so when the fish yokai (that he killed) saw how close you and Tsukasa were, of course they wanted to kill you

It was also a perk that you were Hanako’s sibling since they wanted to get back at him as well for stealing their princess Yashiro away from them

You were weak and had a human body, you were perfect

Amane had no idea about this, Tsukasa didn’t know you were being abused but he did know he pissed off those fish AND HE PISSED EM OFF GOOD-

You figured you would be a target for yokai since your older brothers are powerful

Of course, you didn’t mind this

You knew this would happen so it’s alright!

But the thing was, it wasn’t so alright with your older brothers

Hanako watched the cherry blossoms fall from the tree that he sat under. It was November 25, his birthday, and you said you wanted to have a talk with the two boys. Normally you would talk to them separately because you knew how Amane felt towards his twin brother, but today you wanted to talk to them together. Hanako cancelled his normal cleaning duty and waited where you said to meet up.

“Amane!!” He heard a scream from behind him but before he could turn around he felt someone hug him, wrapping their legs around his waist.

“Oh, Tsukasa…” Hanako said softly, personally finding this kind of awkward.

“Where’s Y/n?? It’s been so long since I’ve seen them!” Tsukasa removed his head from Amane’s neck looking around for you.

“Oh, they aren’t here yet, and I remember them saying they saw you two days ago…”

“So long ago!” Tsukasa whined and Amane sighed at his childish behavior. It went silent but thankfully Tsukasa quickly broke it.

“Didn’t Y/n say to meet them here 15 minutes ago??”

“Yeah they did…” Amane started to get worried.

“They're late!” Tsukasa pouted.

“You’re late as well Tsukasa… And we should go look for them.”

“I’ll lead the way! I know where their last class is!” He stood up and started marching, Hanako closely behind him.

They walked around the school for a while, watching students run across the halls to their clubs, laughing and gossiping with one another. Tsukasa continued to march, not losing the bounce in his step. They came closer to the sound of someone crying, sobs getting louder as they approached a classroom. The twins looked at each other before Tsukasa opened the door.

You jumped slightly, removing your head from between your legs to look at who came in. You only began to cry more realizing it was your two brothers.

“Y/n…?” Tsukasa slightly whispered to himself, staying at the door's entrance.

“Y/n! What happened?!” Amane ran to you, fearing you were hurt in any way. He put his arm on your wet shoulder, looking around to see if there were any visible bloody wounds. He looked at your uniform which was damaged and had a few cuts in it. Your hair was also wet like if someone poured water on you. Tsukasa slowly made his way over to you, examining you up and down. You couldn’t make out the expression on his face but you knew anger was there.

“I-I’m sorry…” You said a little above a whisper.

“You’re sorry for what..?” Amane asked, moving the wet hair out of your face to get a better look at your soaked, tear-stained face.

“Big brothers...since this is both your birthdays... I thought it would be better to get you both a gift. But there are these fish yokai who don’t like me..!” You picked up a couple red and green gems from the floor. Hanako’s eyes widened.

“I... know big brother Amane liked donuts and I assume big brother Tsukasa likes them as well… but they took the donuts I made you saying my cooking was t-the worst and you wouldn’t want it..!” You continued “And they took the necklace I bought for you guys saying I don’t deserve it…”

“Were they talking fish..?” Tsukasa's voice was cold, eyes wide with rage. You only nodded your head.

“Amane, will you stay with y/n? I have something I need to do.” Tsukasa turned to Amane. Hanako already knew what he was going to do.

He was going to go after the mermaid and her fish. There was nothing he could say to stop him.

“O-okay… do what you have to do…” Amane nodded and Tsukasa left the room.

“W-wait… where is he going..?” You started to get up but Amane sat you back down.

“Hey, don’t worry Y/n… older brother Tsukasa is going to take care of this okay?” Amane hugged you.

“But I don’t mind the fish… it’s fine-”

“No. It’s not.” Amane’s aura grew darker before his loving brotherly smile appeared again.

“And hopefully by tomorrow, you won’t have to deal with those disgusting fish!”

----

“Y/n! Amane!” Tsukasa called out as he walked down the halls. When he approached the door he opened it revealing you and Amane laughing. You were somewhat dry and you stopped crying.

“Tsukasa!” You got up and gave him a hug.

“What happened to those fish…?” Worryness in your voice.

“Don’t worry about it Y/n! You don’t need to worry about them anymore!” He childishly smiled, bringing ease to you.

“Amane approached you two, smiling. He looked to see Tsukasa’s hand that was behind his back covered in blood. Hanako's smile dropped and he went silent. He quickly regained his composure and turned to you.

“Yeah, Y/n you don’t need to worry about those fish. Your big brothers will kill any other supernatural that dares hurt you!”

[upside-down-theater-kid]

Arms Around Shoulders

“Can I put my arm around you?” He nods and I do. “I’m scared, too, y’know. It’s unfair. The price increase for the papes..it’s messed up. It’s ridiculous…but we’ll get through it together. After tomorrow, Pulitzer won’t know what hit him. And Albert….I-I-I,” There are so many words on the tip of my tongue that I can’t say. Not here, not now. “I-I-I’m staying with you, no matter what happens.”

Race doesn't realize just how much he loves Albert until he's injured during the strike.

Content warning: cursing and non-graphic violence (please let me know if I should add something else)

Thank you so much to my friends (including @melancholypolywog) who gave me feedback and @broadwayismybestfriend and @oliviaaaah for the endless enthusiasm!

(There are author's notes at the end)

Read it on ao3!

“I was having the most wonderful dream last night. My lips are still tingling,” says Albert. I roll my eyes.

“Was it about a pretty girl? Why would you want to kiss a girl when you could just sell the papes with me,” I ask sarcastically. It’s a question that I’ve been asking myself ever since we first met.

“No,” he replies. “It was about a leg of lamb!” Just as I’m about to tease him for his love of lamb, he yanks my cigar out of my hand.

“Hey, that’s my cigar!” He throws it several stories down and onto the ground.

“You’ll steal another.” He’s right. I’ve stolen before and I will again. Sometimes it’s cigars, sometimes it’s food in the winter when nobody ever has enough.

“Hey, you two,” shouts Jack. “Get down here or there won’t be any papers left for you to sell!”

“We’re coming! You’d miss me if I wasn’t there,” I yell back sarcastically. Al wraps his arm around me, and the warmth of his hands makes me smile.

“You ready for this, Race,” he asks.

“What kind of a newsie would I be if I wasn’t?” We walk down the fire escape and our footsteps in sync, and are prepared for whatever today will bring us. There’s always something, but it doesn’t matter as long as he’s by my side.

--

When we make our way down, there are two people that I don’t recognize. One’s a lanky guy with dark hair and nicer clothes than mine who looks to be around Jack’s age. The other is shorter, probably his kid brother.

“You buy back the newspapers that we don’t sell, right,” asks the older one when he reaches the front of the line. Everyone laughs.

“Who do you think you are? If you don’t sell the papes, you eat ‘em!” Wiesel laughs at his own joke. The Delanceys just stare at the new people intently. They give everyone the intense treatment when they’re new, but they always treat the girls harsher than the guys. That prick Morris still picks on Albert a lot, because he hates making eye contact and doesn’t know what to say when caught off-guard. The new guy introduces himself as Davey Jacobs, and his younger brother is Les, a nine year old with the enthusiasm that only comes from being new at this job.

I remember when Al was new around here. I’d been selling papers for a few years, and I had more experience than some of the others. One day, this new kid named Albert DaSilva shows up, and asks me if he knows of any good spots to sell the papers. I offer to show him around, and the rest is history. We were only eleven at the time, but even at that age I felt differently about Al than I did with my other friends. I’d only ever felt that way about some of the girls that I knew, but my feelings for Albert were more intense than that. I always have a wide grin on my face when he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, or when he would briefly look at me. I love talking to him, and I don’t think that I could ever get tired of hearing his voice, even when it’s just him telling me to not be so impulsive. He doesn’t know how much I love him. Telling him never seemed right, but I will. Someday when it feels perfect. Today isn’t that day. Maybe tomorrow will be.

--

It’s evening outside, and I’m with Al as he’s finishing selling his last few papers. He’s always had a bit of a hard time selling them, but I was fine with staying out a bit later. When we were kids, we made a game of coming up with fake headlines to sell more papers. We still do it to this day.

“You’ve always been good at selling the papes, Race. I don’t know how you do it,” he says with his hands empty and nothing left to sell.

“Awww, come on Al. You’re not half-bad yourself. There’s no one else I’d rather work side by side with, six days of the week.” He smiles his perfect grin at me and I can’t help but do the same. He lets his hair loose. He always looks so handsome when he does that.

“We should be heading back to the lodging house. It’s getting dark out.” He slips his hand into mine as we walk back. We’ve been doing that for a while now. I’m tempted to kiss his cheek, but I can’t. That’s too obvious, even for me, and we’re way more affectionate than our other friends. I’m blushing the entire walk home.

--

I’ve finished selling my papes and Al drags me into an alley and draws me close and his lips are almost touching mine and - the bell rings. It was all just a dream. A fantasy that will never come true. I drowsily walk downstairs and towards another day of work. Jack is first in line for his papers, like always.

“It’s sixty cents for a hundred papers, Kelly,” says Wiesel as Jack gives him his 50 cents.

“But it’s always been fifty cents,Weisel,” he protests.

“Not anymore,” sneers Oscar. “Sixty cents, pay up.” Everyone murmurs. Why is he doing this? We barely survive as it is, and now we have to pay an extra dime for the same amount of papes?

“That’s bullshit. Pulitzer is already wiping his ass with cash, so why should we have to pay an extra ten cents?” Everyone else starts screaming along with me. Albert starts tapping his foot with no sign of stopping. Davey stares at Jack intently as he leads everyone away from the Delanceys and Weisel. I stay back with a nervous Albert.

“Can I put my arm around you?” He nods and I do. “I’m scared, too, y’know. It’s unfair. The price increase for the papes..it’s messed up. It’s bullshit…but we’ll get through it together. After tomorrow, Pulitzer won’t know what hit him. And Albert….I-I-I,” There are so many words on the tip of my tongue that I can’t say. Not here, not now. “I-I-I’m staying with you, no matter what happens.”

“So will I, Race,” he replies. He’s stopped stimming, and I think he’s less worried. He leads me towards everyone else. He holds my hand. He’s never done that before. I smile at him and he grins back. I love him.

--

“Race! Albert! You ready to strike tomorrow,” says Finch.

“You bet we are,” I shout back. Albert raises his fist with a grimace on his face.

“Hey, you three! I need to talk to you,” says Jack as he approaches us.

“What about,” I ask as he sits down next to us.

“You three,” he begins. “Have always had a knack for getting yourselves into trouble. Mostly Race and Finch,” Al smiles at that. “And you especially Race. You just say whatever you think,” he pauses. “Just…..don’t get yourselves hurt or into trouble tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” we murmur in agreement. Elmer is shouting about something that we can’t make out.

“Hey, quiet down! Some of us need to get some sleep before a strike,” Jack hollers. With that, people start quieting down. No one wants to disrespect the authority of our new union leader. Both he and Finch leave.

It’s dark out here on the fire escape stairs at night. Normally Al would be looking up at the sky and gazing at the stars, but he’s looking at the ground, deep in thought.

“Hey, Race,” he asks. “How long do you think this strike will last? Those trolley workers have been striking for three weeks now… Do you think that will happen to us?”

“I don’t know how long it’s going to last. I don’t know how long it will be before they put the price of the papes back down to normal. It can’t last three weeks. It can’t. We can’t go three weeks without pay, because that’s three weeks without food….” I can’t stop myself from spiraling. Albert wraps his arm around me.

“Race, breathe in. Breathe out. It will be okay. You have me, remember?”

“But, Al,” I protest. “Nothing is going to happen from this. We’re just teenagers without a plan.”

“We’re teenagers with a cause and Pulitzer can’t top that, can he?” He glances at me briefly and I look back at him. He does his happy stim and looks away from me. I wish I knew why. “We should probably be going to sleep soon,” says Albert.

“Oh yeah, we should. Good night!”

“Good night.” He smiles at me before walking away. I wish I had the guts to say “I love you.” before I told him “good night.” Someday I will. Someday.

--

Albert is stimming as we’re waiting for the newsies from other boroughs to show up, and I put my hand on his shoulder.

“Do you think they’re coming,” I ask him. I don’t think they are, but I don’t know if I’m the only pessimist here.

“No,” he replies. “I think we’re on our own for the strike.” He squeezes my shoulder. Several minutes pass by and murmurs of “no one is coming” and “it’s just us” become more and more common. Scabs start lining up to get their papes.

“Davey, please.” I hear Jack plead from a few feet away. “You’ve got to say something. Convince them to stand with us on the strike.” He stares at him.

“Listen up,” Davey turns towards them. “Maybe the others aren’t coming. Maybe we’re on our own. But we still have to get out there and fight for what is right. We need to seize the day. We’ll find a way to stop this…” I tune him out. I’m so worried about everyone and what could happen to them if this doesn’t go according to plan. I don’t think I could stand to see any of the others hurt. I couldn’t stand it to see Albert hurt. If the strike fails, I don’t know what will happen to us, and if we’ll get carted off to the Refuge or what. Albert can’t get stuck there, he can’t.

When I finally snap out of it, they’ve joined us, and so have some others. They’re teenagers around our age, hired muscle to stop us from striking. They throw the first punches. I’m able to fight them off, but I’m still getting bruises that will look nasty tomorrow, and it looks like Al will as well. The others are having a harder time, and Les and Specs are getting beat up pretty bad. Suddenly, the police arrive.

“Finally! It was about time you showed up!” Right after Specs says that, one of those pigs punches him. Fuck the police. They start pummeling the other newsies and screaming at them to stop striking. They’re going to keep on hurting them, the only people that I’ve ever considered my family. I stay by Albert’s side. Some thugs start punching us and we punch back. I’m bruised and sore, but I’m able to keep going and fight them off. Al is able to get one off him as well, but I’m worried that he’ll have a black eye tomorrow.

We’re about to go help our friends with their fights, but the Delanceys appear and Oscar hits me before I can make the first move. I wish the pain would stop for just a second, and for my ears to stop ringing. Morris punches Al in the stomach. I try to help him, but Oscar shoves me to the ground before I can do anything. My head is pounding and I’m bleeding a bit. Just as I stand up, he does it to me again. It looks like Morris is giving Albert the same treatment. Everything is sore, and my nose is bleeding. Once I’m up and have regained my balance, I’m able to deliver some punches to Oscar with sore and swollen fingers.

“Eat shit,” I shout. Just as I’ve almost got him to the ground, Morris kicks Al repeatedly and stomps on his leg. Albert howls in pain as the brothers run away to torment someone else.

Time seems to slow down as Al is falling to the ground. Everyone is screaming and fighting around us, but I tune it all out. I can’t hear or see anything happening around me. There’s just his face and the tears in his eyes that he’s holding back and the ones that are already falling down; his swollen and bloody lip and his unruly hair. Just before he falls to the ground, I catch him in my arms.

“Al, I love you,” I say softly before he goes unconscious. Time goes by in a blur as I pick him up and run through the crowd. I need to get him to the lodging house. Somewhere safer where no one is trying to beat him up. I’m able to get to the lodging house and lie him down. I hope he’s okay. I need him to be okay. I can’t lose anyone else.

--

It’s getting dark outside when Al opens his eyes and tries to sit up.

“Race? Is that you,” he asks quietly. I can’t stop myself from grinning.

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m glad you’re awake. I was so worried about you.” It’s getting late, and for a while I didn’t know if he would even wake up.

“I think I need to lie down,” mumbles Albert and he puts his head back down. I lie down next to him. We gaze into each other’s eyes for a second before he looks away. “What happened when I was knocked out,” he asks. I pause for a second.

“After you were knocked out, I ran you up here,” he nods. “A few hours later, Davey came by to tell me that Snyder took Crutchie. He took Crutchie to the Refuge,” I say solemnly.

“Wait, you stayed here all day waiting for me to wake up,” he asks.

“Yeah, of course I did,” I reply. “What did you expect? That I would just leave you here all alone?”

“Before the strike I thought that you would have just…kept on protesting without me,” he says slowly.

“I needed to make sure that you were safe. If I had left you here and something bad happened…..I don’t think I could have forgiven myself.” As he blushes and inches closer to me, he makes eye contact.

“I sort of remember what you said before I passed out. And….did you actually that you love me? Or did I just imagine that?” My jaw drops. He remembered that? What do I say to him? “I hope you said it, because I love you too.” My heart is pounding. I don’t know what to say. “Race,” he pauses. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yeah,” I answer softly. I never thought we would, but we do, and for a moment it feels like it’s just me and him alone in the world.

“I’ve dreamed of doing that for such a long time,” I say softly.

“How long,” he asks.

“Around the time when we first met. I felt differently about you from anyone else I knew,” I’ve wanted to tell him this for so long. He smiles.

“I’ve always loved the only newsboy who let me sell papes with him when I was new.” I brush his loose hair away from his eyes.

“Selling with you on your first day was the best decision I ever made.” I look at him for a second. “Can I kiss you again?”

“For sure.”

Author's Notes:

oH nO oUr AlBeRt It'S bRoKen

(I know it's an outdated reference but I couldn't resist)

I was going to write this in third person...but I didn't want to get out of my comfort zone and once I started I couldn't stop. Hopefully it will be different in the next fic.