#but I needed to yank this out of me

[mrs-han]

Something that I need to revisit — a pain I keep burying, and words I wish I could have said.

This is very out of character, especially for someone like Jumin. Feel free to skip this piece; I couldn’t come up with an ending.

“Do you… do you not want to be with me anymore?”

“I don’t.”

Your heart paused - then hammered with a vengeance in your chest.

Jumin’s words - so immediate, so decisive - were worse than any punch to your gut. You had done it. You pushed your… husband…? So far away that he couldn’t find his way back.

And he didn’t want to.

Realizing you weren’t breathing, you shakily turned to face your desk. What were you supposed to say? What were you going to do, now? The man you had been with for so much of your life didn’t want you anymore.

The man who had promised you forever decided forever was too long.

Jumin spoke your name - loud and firm - but all you could hear was a sharp ringing in your ear. Like a bomb had exploded near you. Or inside of you.

“You don’t need to worry about anything. I’ll have the divorce papers filed and faxed to you.”

“Jumin —”

“Forgive me. But I don’t want to hear any more excuses from you.”

So cold — so unfeeling. You had done that to him.

“I… I’m sorry —”

“I know. You’ve said it many times before.”

“Jumin.” You stumbled towards him. You didn’t like begging anybody for anything. But there were always firsts for everything. Clasping your hands in front of you, you stared into his eyes, void of any sentiment. “I know I haven’t been easy to live with, but you can’t…”

Jumin crossed his arms definitively over his chest — blocking himself from you completely. “I can’t what. I can’t leave? Is that what you’d like to say?”

Power surged through your voice. “I promised you till death do us part, and you promised me the same!”

He didn’t say anything. His expression towards you didn’t change.

“You — you saw me at my worst, and decided that it was too much?”

“Every time I tried to help you, you shoved me away. You were always angry with me over something — something.” A trace of emotion escapes Jumin’s lips. “Each time, you’d apologize. But nothing came from it. You remained closed off, hostile, insufferable.”

You trembled harder now. “Have you stopped to think that I’ve put up with your imperfections without complaint? I’ve always had an open ear for you. My arms were always open for you. And — when things were too hard for you to talk about, I’d show you more compassion than you had ever shown yourself.”

Jumin’s eyes stayed trained on yours. “You didn’t sit in front of our bedroom door, stressed beyond belief because I wouldn’t open the door for you. You didn’t have to chase after me —”

“I didn’t?!”

Jumin closed his mouth and clenched his jaw. The vein on the side of his neck started to swell.

You swiped hastily at the tears in your eyes. “I know I can be difficult. I know that I still have a lot to heal from, but I am not the only one.”

Jumin’s brows lowered.

“When you proposed to me, did you stop to consider that I am my own person suffering from my own demons? Or were you too absorbed in what you wanted in the moment?”

Jumin didn’t say anything. His body language didn’t reveal anything to you. His silence was deafening.

Frustrated beyond comprehension, you broke the skin on your palms, nails digging too far in. “When you saw me… all of me… you decided it was too much. But the surface level of my soul would have sufficed, right? The honeymoon phase of us was enough, right?”

Jumin finally broke eye contact with you… and checked his watch. “Can we wrap this up? I have a meeting in ten minutes.”

Your fingertips tingled. Your head pounded. Finally, your knees buckled — and you retched into the trash bin beside your desk.

[narcoticwriter]

Friendly reminder that the Harbingers are ranked by a power scale, that Arlecchino is number four, and the other three above her are considered god killers.

[themthistles]

something about the way guilt is portrayed in beyond evil. guilt as a state, guilt as a place you're condemned to. 'i will go to hell' 'life is hell' 'you shouldn't even set foot in that hell' but it's not really the hell we think of, not in the traditional sense. hell is where you're supposed to be sent to suffer and repent forever but all of them go there willingly. (that's why han kihwan will never end up there as juwon wants because he feels no remorse over his actions) they choose to stay and let it scorch the life out of them until all that's left is someone hollow and brittle, real person buried beneath the surface in a grave they themselves dug. in that way it's not lee changjin or the water that killed nam sangbae. it's guilt. that's what doomed him in the end. that hell of his own making he never managed to escape. and as he drowned, he probably thought he deserved that too. jeongje's still there until the end but so much of him died long ago. he's a ghost haunting himself. he tells juwon 'if you don't get out quickly, every breath, every moment of your life becomes a nightmare' if you stay that hell alone long enough, that's what happens. at a certain point you can't wake up anymore. you forget how to leave

[invinciblerodent]

himh I'll make a Dark Urge that's so fucking scared

big scary bloodsoaked killer, tearing through armies with her literal bare hands? nah. a quiet, scared girl who doesn't understand why she does what she does, why she can do what she can, but is, at the same time, deeply disgusted by herself because she has just enough self-awareness to know to be repulsed.

maybe it's because I'm a tiny bit obsessed with clinging to the thought that people, at the end of the day, are fundamentally good, no matter what. that there is a fundamental human goodness in all people that makes them worthy of redemption, or at least of the opportunity for atonement.

maybe the way I want to play a story like that is with someone who, stripped from indoctrination and free for the first time to think for herself and embrace and be who she is, finds that in the deepest, most hidden pits of her soul, she is not the strong, kind, resilient person she might want to be. try as the might, she is not someone who can bear the weight of her own past, she's just a... a terrified, broken little girl, cowering in the shadows and unable to look herself in the eye. (which also gives me ideas for her relationship with Orin but that's a little bit beside the point)

cathartic self-insert who. therapy? what is that. is it on Steam or Epic.

[dylanconrique]

was watching the latest little clip from 6x09 and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY MY STUPID STONER BRAIN MADE THIS CONNECTION?????? 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔

[bri-does-art]

i know this probably won’t do much, let alone anything at all, but i’m sorry for the stress this site has caused you and so many other creators here. i’m not asking for you to stick around on here, but i hope you know just how meaningful you and your art have been on here. you’re amazing. /pos

Hey, this ask has done a lot more than you would think. Thank you, you are very sweet. <3

I've kind of made up my mind about what I'm gonna do for a while now, but I've simply been... too busy and overwhelmed to take the time to let you guys know. I'm not going to delete my tumblr, there's just. Too much here that I don't want to lose.

So far the game plan is: keep my tumblr. But do not upload anymore art or writing on it - not because it's gonna get scraped, because it was already getting scraped anyway, AI company deal or not. It's pretty much unavoidable at this point, unfortunately. I simply do not trust Tumblr with my data, if they're going to sell EVERYTHING, including private messages and such, so I'm not going to give it anything worthwhile to profit off of. Instead, I'm going to start uploading my art exclusively on Ao3, for now. I'll answer any asks I receive here on there too, as well. I'll figure some kind of system out. 🤔

The cool thing about uploading to Ao3 is that anyone subscribed to my profile or to the containment series I will make will get a notification anytime I upload something new. Having my art and writing in one place is likely going to be more convenient for you guys too, since you won't have to move across platforms to get the full experience. 😄It'll be different... but a platform getting too greedy for its own good won't stop me from finding ways to share my stories with y'all. I'll just find another solution.

(I've also been entertaining the idea of joining or making my own Discord server but. That one is a little more delicate. The idea of joining a server that has hundreds of members like a lot of this fandom's servers have, just. Makes me break into hives, lmao. (I am in the Ghost in the Machine fic server. I muted it an hour into joining, it was way too intense for me. |'D) That is way too many people, I simply cannot handle it. I'd be way more comfortable in a smaller group with a less rapid-fire rate of posting and conversation. I am also. Very picky about which servers I join, which makes asking for recommendations doubly awkward when I shoot them all down, haha... And making my own... Err, I can hardly keep up with a server I helped create for another fandom and mod for, I don't think I could handle two of them - I would need other people to handle the moderation for me, and I wouldn't trust just anyone to be a mod. I'd need to know them well enough to know I could trust them, and I... do not really know anyone in this fandom well enough to do that, sadly. I take server moderation very seriously, as someone who has had experience modding for forums back before social media was a thing. I do not know if that would make for a fun experience for everyone, and anyone who hasn't known that kind of supervised experience. It is comforting to me. It may be intimidating for others. So that's still a very hand-wavy, 'eehhhh' kind of thing still.)

All of this to say, that this isn't the last you'll see from me, far from it. I'll restrict my creative output to Ao3 for the foreseeable future, and I'll let you guys on here know when I make a new upload, so those of you who do not have an Ao3 account know when something new has happened.

So there you have it. 😊

[quietwingsinthesky]

I guess I can't really get behind cas saving dean from hell as a destiel win, or lines like 'you don't think you deserve to be saved', because. this is not a point at which cas is doing because he believes dean is good and loves him or anything but. he saves dean because that's heaven's will. when he reminds dean that cas, and heaven, are who saved him in early s4, it's not him really saying 'you're a good man', it's a debt that he is using, pretty explicitly, to get dean to do what heaven wants. even the handprint reads like... ownership, in a way.

cas is complicit in heaven's manipulation of dean after he's pulled out of hell. that's what makes his rebellion later powerful, because this is an angel who believes in heaven so strongly that he will look into the eyes of the righteous man he saved and tell him that if he doesn't do what he's told, he will throw dean back into hell.

[lesbiansanemi]

Being brave and trying to set up appointment with gynecologist today. Hell on planet earth

[thedeadthree]

🎶✨when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positivity is cool)🎶✨

AIRIKA HI TY TYY DEAR this is the cutest thank youu and i hope ur well!! i adore yelling about tunes EEEK 🥀💌☺️

𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐔𝐏𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐍𝐎𝐖 — hozier, bear mcreary.

𝐒𝐘𝐌𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐘 𝐈𝐒 𝐀 𝐊𝐍𝐈𝐅𝐄 — charli xcx.

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐑 𝐋𝐀𝐒 𝐕𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐒 — cocteau twins.

𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐑 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐄𝐒 — the crane wives.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐑 𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊 — ramin djawadi.

[keeps-ache]

little soup cans are some of the neatest things we have, wish there were more soup-can-like things in this world

[happyk44]

I love reading creators giving such lovely poignant answers to questions about the themes and meanings behind their work but at the same time it does annoy me a little because I feel like if I were ever in the same position, my brain would short circuit so bad, which is so funny because when I was much younger and just starting out on my creative writing journey I used to give so many pretend interviews about my stories when I was bored and now if I try to do the same, my brain blue screens and the only answer I can give myself is "idk, I was running on vibes"

[whimsyprinx]

neurotypical people don’t understand the importance of floor time, like sure i could lay in the empty bed but the floor beckons me and who am i to ignore it’s call?

[sphylor]

somebody take this wretched organ away from here !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mainfaggot]

just watched challengers at the cinema w my little sister. it was so intense wtf

[youaremysunshine-court]

Something was seriously wrong with franklyn froideveaux bc when I see my therapist out in public I fervently hope she hasn't seen me and if she does then I end the conversation as quick as possible. Like why would you want to stand there and make polite eye contact with someone who has seen you sobbing bc your friend dumped you???

[magnusbae]

me, publicly: i am perfectly normal about dream :)

also me, in private:

Dream is a dream that is right out of your reach, a thought, an idea, a feeling , a thing of concept, he is perfection, he is flawed plains of imagination, he is a thing of fantasy

he is the feeling of love, he is the idea of creation, he is what construct is, he is what it's like to be destroyed and made, he is the feeling of agony of love of want, of DREAM