purgatorysanctuary · 8 months ago
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Btw I also made up an Overlord Pentious interpretation.
His name is Lord Pentious, and his alias is ‘The Iron Wyrm.’
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selineram3421 · 8 months ago
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*slams alarm clock against the wall*
Hissy Kitty
Part 4
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Part 3
Alastor X Reader Warnings ⚠
⚠ mentions of alcohol, all caps for shouting/yelling, our deer man in denial, cussing ⚠
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"What just happened?", Alastor asked.
He looked around with furrowed eyebrows, confused.
"Are you ok? What was that?", you got his attention with your questions. "Why did you threaten Sir Pentious?"
Then he noticed how close you were, and the hold he had on you.
"Alastor?"
Ripping himself away, he took a large step back. Looking you up and down in a panic before taking a step into the shadows, disappearing from your sight.
You stood alone in the hallway, wondering what had caused such a reaction, both the anger and the panic. Then you walked to the lobby, seeing your brother working at the bar and you took a seat on a bar stool with a sigh.
"Never thought I'd see you come up to the bar like that.", Husk quirked a brow. "Need to talk to the bartender?", he asked, getting a cup ready.
"No.", you sighed and crossed your arms on the counter, resting your chin on them. "I need to talk to my older brother."
A drink was placed in front of you before there was another one next to it, then your brother walked out from behind the bar and sat on the bar stool on your right side.
"Alright kit, lay it on me.", he said and got his drink to take a sip.
"It's just been weird.", you started off. "I know Alastor is around me to bug you, we've established that.", you gestured to each other. "But the others think that he's trying to court me?"
"Pffffft-!", Husk sprayed out some of his drink.
"Which I know is not true, because that isn't what's been happening but Charlie and Pentious think that. And the weirdest part just happened a few minutes ago.", you continued.
Your brother coughed before wiping his mouth.
"What happened?"
"I was talking to Pentious and then all of a sudden Alastor appeared behind me.", you gestured as if someone was behind you now. "Pulled me away from my conversation with Sir Pentious and threatened to cook him."
Your brother was quiet, holding his cup as he thought before placing it down on the counter. He turned his body to face you and placed a hand on your shoulder.
"I need to know every detail of what happened, this doesn't sound normal but I can't be too sure.", he says. "That smiling fuck is not normal in general."
"Ok.", you nod and start over. "Sir Pentious had stopped me in the hallway.."
.
Alastor teleported somewhere far away from you within the hotel.
He couldn't go back to his tower, you were too close by and he needed a moment to think, to not worry about being found by you. Then he remembered that you held his face, the lingering feeling of your touch on his cheek made his chest tighten.
"Alastor? Is everything ok?", he heard the familiar voice of the Princess.
Somewhat surprised, the deer demon takes a good look around of where he is. He had teleported himself into Charlie and Vaggie's room.
"Apologies dear, I was in a bit of a rush to notice where I was going.", he says with a tight smile and fixes his coat. "I shall be off.", he turns to face the exit.
"Oh wait!", the Princess gets up from her seat and walks over. "Let them know that their clothes are finished. Niffty sure works fast."
Not paying any mind to it, he glances at the blonde.
"Who exactly?", he asks.
Then she says your name.
He stands still like a deer in headlights.
"Why would I let them know?", he turns to face her with brows furrowed slightly.
"Because you're always around them, I assumed that you were going to see them again.", Charlie explains.
"HA!", the Radio Demon laughs. "Do you think me a lovesick fool? Following them around like some dizzy-"
"Love?", she says confused. "I never said anything about love.."
He stares at the Princess for a moment, seeing her make the realization before quickly making his way towards the door.
"¡'m |€@v¡n& Ω¤₩."
"Al! What's so wrong with being-?", Charlie followed behind him.
"Being in love?", Alastor stopped walking to finished her question, turning around to face the Princess.
"Yes! Why is that a bad thing?", she continued.
So many reasons. He thought.
"It makes a person ₩€aK.", he replied instead. "It clouds one's thoughts, blinds, consumes, ruins.", he shook his head. "I could never allow myself to fall so low."
The Princess looked at him with a sad glare.
"I don't know if my word on love means anything but to me love gives strength, it inspires, encourages, protects-"
"IT DOES NOTHING TO HELP PROTECT SOMEONE!"
Feeling the ends of his smile start to turn down, he looked away and made his way to the door.
"I'm leaving.", he said, voice void of static, deciding to use the shadows to escape from the conversation quicker.
Teleporting to his Radio Tower, he sees the mess of glass was cleaned up.
"Good, now I can get to work and forget about this whole th-"
The trap door slammed open, causing Alastor to snap his head around to see who had dared to enter his tower uninvited.
"You've got five fucking seconds to explain yourself.", Husk growled as he stood in the room.
"What are you going on about?"
"You touched my sibling again but this time you were pissed off.", the cat demon stomped his way over to the deer demon. "Why would some other demon touching them piss you off so much, huh? I told you countless fucking times that they aren't yours."
Husk jabbed at his boss's chest with his claw.
Alastor grew taller, letting his anger show. "D¤ Ωo+ toμ©h m€ aΩd ¡ wiL| dθ a$ I pL€a$e."
The two glared at each other until the cat's eyes widened.
"Holy shit.", Husk lowered his hand.
"₩hAt?", the Radio Demon hissed, ready to teach the ex Overlord a lesson.
"You're in love with them.."
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*glares at the morning sun* No.
~Seline, the person.
Part 5
Taglist@
@c4rved-pumpk1n @scary-noodlesblog @stolas-thebirb @naelys-the-aster @biromanticboba @lbcreations-blog @ducky-died-inside @kiraisastay @pooplyface1423 @line-viper @117s-girl @spiderlegsling @alastorsgoldie @repentant-repeller @kcsketches @lofasofabread @kotaleee @im-coolrat @superzombiewho @speckle-meow-meow @jammcookie @dilucragnvindr-my-beloved @trashbin-nie @koioli @fatherlesschild2 @mmik3yy @just-here-reading @nealeart @hudiexiaoying @crystal-multiplefandomlover @+?
🔪The other tags in the comments.🔪
ML for Alastor🎙 | HK ChL😾
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hells-wasabii · 7 months ago
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How would each of the Hell characters(Hotel group, Lucifer, Overlords, Vees) do while cooking entirely on their own? Can be platonic or romantic, whichever you want
A/N: So I know I said 2, but the other one isn’t ready yet I’m still writing it. It’s gonna be pretty big too since it’s that velvette part 2. But I had to get my cat spayed today so I’ve been super busy all day keeping her out of trouble and from hurting herself :/ but anywho, enjoy!
Characters: All that I write for
Type: Hesdcanons (hazbin cast cooking headcanons)
Charlie
With Charlie, I’m a little torn. On the one hand, she’s a princess, so cooking would likely be more of a novelty considering she likely had staff to do it for her. But this is Charlie we’re talking about. She would go out of her way to learn how to cook. Wouldn’t give up either, not until she could do it on her own. I would imagine that she started learning from Vaggie and reading cookbooks.
Vaggie
When it comes to Vaggie, she can cook some, but she’s definitely super humble about it, brushing off any compliments because it’s ‘just food’. If the issue is pressed I can see her getting a little embarrassed about it. It’s mostly dishes that she had been taught while she was growing up, along with basic dishes that don’t necessarily require a honed skill to make.
Angel
Angel can cook, though he doesn’t exactly put much effort into it. I can definitely see him just throwing something together so he can eat and move on with whatever else he has going. Baking is a different story. I can really imagine while he was growing up he would sneak his way into the kitchen while his mother and Molly were baking. He picked it up pretty easily. And as someone who enjoys baking let me just say that his extra set of arms would be so helpful.
Husk
Husk was an entertainer in life, growing up in a casino, learning the trades in the house. That also includes the kitchens. Sure he likely didn’t spend a whole lot of time there but he still picked up a thing or two. So he’d be able to hold his own fairly well when it comes to making a homecooked meal.
Alastor
While it’s canon that the radio demon can cook, I feel like he specifically likes to cook recipes his mother left behind. Cooking recipes from his youth reminds him of joining his mother in the kitchen whipping something up for lunch and helping her prep for dinner. He’s not all that adventurous in the kitchen, though. He likes to stick with what he knows and what he grew up with.
Niffty
Having died in the 50s as a young housewife, I genuinely believe that she at least knows some fad recipes, like those salads and casserole recipes. Jello molds too. But that’s not to say that she wouldn’t know some basic stuff. I can definitely see Niffty being the type to try to create whole new recipes with varying, mostly horrifying results.
Sir Pentious
Sir Pentious is a genius, there’s no doubt about that, but the man can’t cook. At all. He’d burn water honestly. But baking? Oh yeah, he can bake with out a doubt(but not necessarily the decorating part), it’s basically science, but not cook. He’d quite honestly have the Egg Bois help, but let’s be honest here, that’d be a disaster too.
Cherri Bomb
I’ll admit, I wasn’t to sure about Cherri. She just doesn’t seem like the type to cook. Nah. Cherri is the queen of takeout. She can boil water but that’s really about it. Honestly, she’s only really a couple of steps above Sir Pentious, but she can’t bake either. Sometimes though, before Angel went off to the hotel, she would go out and buy ingredients and stuff and go to his apartment and they (he) would make something.
Vox
This man absolutely can cook, and he’s pretty damn good at it too. Considering he’s the television demon, he’s going to have several cooking shows. Hell, he even stars in a couple of them. That being said, he’s not one to do things half-assed. Sure, a lot of cooking shows have stuff that was prepared beforehand, but with Vox’s he goes out of his way to actually make the dishes in real time.
Valentino
I stand by my headcanons from my Valentino posts. He can cook, but it’s honestly a solid 50-50 on whether or not it’s burnt or edible. He’s pretty easily distracted, whether it’s a phone call or something else entirely, so if it's a dish that you have to pay close attention to, it’s likely to not turn out right.
Velvette
Velvette can do some light cooking, but nothing too extravagant. She’s got more important things to do, such as keeping Vox and Valentino on track. With a schedule as busy as hers, I don’t think she would cook often, preferring either Vox’s cooking or takeout. Oh but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t take a picture and post it, because it’s Velvette, of course she does. Oh! But She’s probably been on Vox’s show as some sort of celeb guest type deal, the dish they made definitely stuck with her, so she might make it from time to time.
Zestial
Considering how long Zestial has been around, I would be more surprised if he couldn’t cook. You can’t convince me that after a while he at one point went through hobbies like a revolving door. Cooking absolutely would have been one of them. This man would absolutely try making the craziest things. He’d be up to date on all of the cooking fads, know recipes and cooking methods from several time periods and cultures. With him, there’s no telling what he might cook up next.
Carmilla
While I don’t think that she would really set aside time to cook often, she’s pretty skilled in the kitchen. Carmilla would likely have a couple of nights out of the month set aside to cook a meal with/for her and the girls, a tradition that carried on from their life before hell. She’d even take the opportunity to try new things while cooking.
Rosie
Oh, Rosie can absolutely cook, it’s canon that its a hobby of hers. She’s very well versed in a multitude of cooking methods, and while she may not entirely like a whole lot of new-age gadgets in the kitchen, she can’t really deny the fact that they can be quite useful. I’m willing to bet that she would have an Instapot (they’re great I have two and one of them has an air fryer attachment)
Adam
Adam would never openly admit it, but he knows how to cook. He was the first man, he would have had to learn eventually, even if it was something as simple as preparing meats. That being said, he can grill. I’d be willing to bet that he’d host a little barbeque after the annual exterminations for the exorcists, maybe even enter into grilling competitions.
Lute
Lute’s honestly a bit of a wildcard when it comes to cooking. She might have been able to cook while she had been alive, but nowadays not so much. It had been a long time since she actively made anything, so she’d be pretty rusty. But other than the basics, I don’t really see her being able to be too creative in terms of cooking either. She’d honestly probably stick to what she knows and wouldn’t stray too far away from that.
Emily
I don’t necessarily think that seraphim would really need to eat, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t or don’t. In Emily’s case, I would imagine it as a scenario where she wanted to do something to get closer to humanity. They were her charge after all, or rather their state of happiness. But all humans eat and many find joy in doing so and even in the act of cooking, so she absolutely would be thrilled to learn! She’s getting better at it by the day.
Sera
Sera had likely done the same as Emily when she was a young angel, though I don’t see her sticking with it. I definitely think that she taught Emily to start her on her little culinary journey. She can cook, she just… doesn’t. I’d even go as far as to say it’s been centuries since she’s actually cooked a meal of any kind. That being said, if she were to jump into the kitchen nowadays, she probably wouldn’t have a very easy time finding her way around.
Lucifer
Lucifer is a man of many talents. He can absolutely cook, possibly even Michelin level, he just chooses not to. He likely just considers it a novelty of sorts, considering he has the power to simply poof food right in front of him. Honestly, it’s pretty helpful whenever he’s depressed and doesn’t feel like making anything. But, when it comes to his family and friends, he’s more than happy to whip something up.
Lilith
Another one who would likely consider cooking to be a novelty. Considering how she’s the second most powerful being in hell, and fiercely independent with more important things to worry about. Lilith wouldn’t concern herself with cooking unless it was with her family, and even then it likely didn’t happen that often after Charlie grew up.
Bonus:
Alastor Cat
Would wind up burning what ever building its in down. Was it intentional? Was it an accident? The world may never know
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mitch-the-silly · 8 months ago
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hi!!
id like to request sir pentious x reader headcanons where the reader is sir pentious’ and of course went with him to the hotel to spy on the hotel crew for the vees (let’s just say he wasn’t caught on day one for this..) and the reader starts feeling bad so they take down all of the cameras set up. once pen finds out, he’s absolutely pissed and upset, so he refuses to talk to the reader for about a few weeks, and ends with the reader apologizing (or at least attempting to) and some fluff?
thanks a bunch!!
(I swear I love sir pentious more than life itself he’s such a silly lil thing)
OMG YESSS! Sir Pentious was such a comfort character for me; he deserves the world. Most of my friend group hasn't watched Hazbin yet, and I always get caught lacking because of my "It Starts with Sorry" mini-phase. His parts are actual pieces of heaven to me-
(Post-writing process note: I wrote the best parts while listening to "Christmas Kids" and every time that one pops up on my playlist, I cook really hard with whatever it is I'm writing-)
Enough said, I'm gonna make this a tiny bit of a slow burn. Because... yeah :>
Reader is gn! due to no specification of gender being made in the request.
HOPE YOU ENJOYY!!!
"Amnesty"
Sir Pentious X gn!Reader Fluff
Here are your headcanons!
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You had found work under Sir Pentious some decades ago. He wasn’t exactly the most successful overlord, but you were happy to not be part of the lower end of the food chain.
He didn’t own your soul and truly had no interest in such a thing. But you were like an assistant of sorts. Not quite an egg boy, not quite an equal to the man himself. 
Despite this, you thought he was quite charming. While he was not destroying half of Pentagram City, he was sitting in the main hall of his steampunk zeppelin drinking tea and conversing with you. It was a very comfortable life.
And thus, as it was routine for the both of you, he began to pick a fight with Alastor again (a sort of fight which he always lost, but when did that stop The Great Sir Pentious). You stood ready to shoot. Your hand on the only lever the egg boys could not reach.
Pulling that lever was literally your only job. The only reason Sir Pentious had hired you in the first place. That’s just how enjoyable your company was to him.
Alas, the fight with Alastor was another failure, but he didn’t go down without ripping a piece of his coat. Action that Alstor didn’t seem to take kindly. The whole ordeal ended in Sir Pentious being flung out across the Pentagram. Of course, you ran off to find him.
Once you found him, you checked if he was alright. “Sir! Are you alright? That was quite the hit the Radio Demon gave you…” you mumbled at him, checking his person to make sure he was alright. He’d put himself together quite well, so you let him be. 
“Yes, yes, I’m fine Y/n. I must persist in this endeavor! We mustn’t flail in our pursuit of power.” He called out, a statement at which you nodded. 
You two tried to walk back to where the zeppelin had landed, but before you could make it there, in front of an electronics store, the both of you saw a TV light up with a very recognizable face. 
Through that TV, Vox (one of the overlords Sir Pentious was trying to catch the attention of by attacking Alastor) explained to both of you that he had a mission for them. To infiltrate into the hotel, blend in, and spy on Alastor and Charlie.
(Valentino butted in to ask that they spy on Angel too-)
The both of you were thrilled to accept this mission. Immediately finding the Zeppelin and making your way back to the Hotel (this time in conditional peace).
Sir Pentious knocked on the Hotel’s main entrance and you waited beside him. 
When Vaggie opened the door, you did NOT get punched. Sir Pentious however, did not get the same luck. 
You both pleaded your cases. Saying that you’d spoken about the possibility of redemption and had considered it the best idea.
Of course, Charlie just couldn’t resist taking you two into the hotel (much to Angel and Vaggie’s dismay). 
That same night, both you and Sir Pentious began to set up Vox’s cameras. You almost got caught, but thanks to your amazing deception skills, you two got away with it (Angel saw you guys, and you pretended you’d lost something).
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As the days passed, you seemed to get more used to the way things were. The egg boys, Sir Pentious and you loved it at the hotel. 
You became friends with Angel Dust and found Niffty oddly endearing despite her psychotic tendencies. Vaggie’s protective nature made you feel safe, Alastor was good company, Husk was very interesting to talk to and Charlie was the sweetest person you’d met!
And after speaking to Charlie a couple of times on the subject of your dynamic with Sir Pentious, you realized that you were very much in love with him. 
After such a revelation, your mindset completely changed. Charlie had helped you realize that truly, you didn’t just follow and care for Sir Pentious because he was the overlord you worked for, but because you genuinely cared about him. How could you live with the guilt of betraying, spying, and intruding on the privacy of such a sweet person as well as her friends? Yes, this mission meant a lot to Sir Pentious, but you… you couldn’t do it anymore.
One night, you snuck down to the lobby. You knew exactly where all the cameras were, and you began to carefully take every single one of them down. And just as you were on the last one, you were faced with the last person you wanted to see: Sir Pentious.
He stood in front of the last camera, looking at you in disbelief. “What are you doing messsssssing wissss the camerasssss?” He whisper-yelled at you. Demanding an explanation.
“Sir… I… I can’t with this anymore… They’ve treated us so well… and we’re betraying them.” You argued, trying to keep it as quiet as he was.
“What? Why would you do that? I’m not letting you back out of thissssss. You’re not acting with ssssensssse.” He hissed back.
“Sir Pentious, please… I… We are gaining nothing from this.” You argued.
“Nossssing? Y/n, we are working for Voxssss. That’ssss exsssactly where we’ve been trying to be for the passssst five decadessss. You’re not gonna throw all of that away, are you?” He frowned. He felt so offended that you would even suggest you both ditch the plan.
“No that’s not what I-, Sir… I… hand me the camera, please...” 
“Absssssolutely not.” He spat back. 
“Stop being so loud, we’re going to get caught.” You responded, “Please… let’s talk this over, Penty…” You mumbled. An old nickname you hadn’t called him in ages. It was more of an inside joke between the both of you, but you definitely meant it as a term of absolute endearment.
“No. I don’t care what you call me. I’m not going to fall for it. I don’t know what they told you, but I sssssee now that I’ve losssssst your pledged loyalty. Do not ssssspeak to me, ever again, you traitor.” He responded bluntly.
Normally you would find his melodramaticism funny. But this. This one he meant it. You looked at him, a tear rolling down your cheek. You couldn’t take the pain of the wound his words inflicted on your heart. You loved him, and he hated you now. He deemed you as a traitor. So you ran away in an attempt to spare yourself from him seeing you cry. Running up the stairs, you stumbled into your room. Crying in a corner as you looked at the (now deactivated) cameras that you’d taken down. You sobbed bitterly on the floor until you eventually were too tired to remain awake.
The next morning, you crawled into your bed. You didn’t want to leave it. Perhaps it was a bit dramatic of you, but you’d been around Sir Pentious for so long that you didn’t know if it even was far-fetched. But all of that aside, you couldn’t bear to show your face. You felt that if you saw him, you’d start sobbing on the spot. So you simply stayed tucked below your blankets. 
Charlie came in to check why you hadn’t left your room, and you simply told her you felt sick. 
She had Niffty bring you some stew.
The egg boys went to check on you. You didn’t tell them about the argument you had with Sir Pentious.
They offered to bring you the next bowl of stew. They really cared about you 
(Carl has definitely accidentally called you his parent-)
After three days of moping around, you decided you would go downstairs and sit in the lobby. 
Once she saw you, Charlie asked you if you felt better now and you told her you felt much better.
However, at some point, you were left alone with Sir Pentious. You knew that you had to approach him. From the very depths of your heart you knew that you loved him and that if you stopped talking to him, you would live in misery for the rest of your eternal existence. 
So the second you felt ready, you walked up to him with an apologetic look.
The second he saw you in his field of view, he turned away from you. Letting out a resentful huff, he tried to ignore you. However, you were determined to fix things.
“Sir Pentious… I… I didn’t mean to upset you. I know Vox’s attention means a lot to you… but this place made me realize that… you can be happy without him. We can be happy without him. Here in the hotel! In Heaven!” You exclaimed, begging him to listen.
“We? What do you mean by we? You’ve never sssspoken to me like this before.” He asked, still a bit undignified but still turning to you, confused by your choice of words.
You paused, thinking of how to come clean to him. “The reason why I took down the cameras was… because I felt bad. Charlie and I have been talking about feelings and things of the sort… and she made me realize that… That I love you… And, I’m so thankful for the clarity she brought me that it felt like betrayal. But I guess I… I didn’t stop to think how that would make you feel…” You mumbled. 
He gave you a look of bewilderment. He had no words; he was flattered. And suddenly, it all made sense to him as well. The reason why he’d felt so betrayed was because of how he valued you. 
“The last thing I wanted was for you to detest me…” You mumbled at him, feeling tears build up in your eyes.
He gave you a look of sympathy. It clicked in his mind that you did it out of love for him. He didn’t know how to feel about your affection towards him, but he was sure he cared about you and that the feeling was at the very least partially reciprocated. But right now, the feeling of betrayal was still fresh on his mind. 
“I… I forgive you, I sssssuppose… I can’t stay mad at you after such a heartfelt confessssssion…” He mumbled, blushing, turning away. This time, not out of grudge, but out of embarrassment. 
It wasn’t quite long until you two decided to take all the cameras down for good (after you two were discovered by Angel Dust about a week later) and dedicate yourselves to redemption. 
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wolfoftheblackflames · 7 months ago
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Well, someone on Ao3 requested this, so I had fun with it. Enjoy my misfits. Here's the guys side of Girls' Day!
Boys' Day feat. Rosie:
It had been a tough week for the residents of the hotel, Sir Pentious was gone, Dazzle was gone, as were the weird egg bois. Charlie had taken the girls away alongside Angel Dust, but before she did she left a note with her dad Lucifer telling him that he could try to bond with the others with a Guys’ Day.
The short demon king sighed. He loved his little duckling and wanted to help her anyway he can, however the ones that were left were not really his cup of tea. There was one decent sinner which was Husk the bartender, his creation Razzle who had a case of depression due to Dazzle's death, and then the bane of his existence, Alastor the radio demon who he could care less for.
“It's for Charlie…” He took a deep breath and went down to the bar. “Heya buddy!” Lucifer grinned awkwardly.
Husk raised an eyebrow looking over. “Oh your majesty, what brings you to my bar?” He asked, trying to be polite.
“Well… Char-char gave me this note which suggested I get to know the guys of the hotel.” Lucifer replied, twirling his cane. “So…. What do ya do, Husky?”
Husk just gave him an unamused look, and sighed. “If you want the short version I'm basically in this place against my will and serving you knuckleheads.” He started holding a bottle. Lucifer blinked watching the cat demon take a swig. “How so?”
The bartender grumbled but shut his mouth upon seeing the man who owned his soul. “I simply asked him to come to this place. I thought it would be fun to watch the chaos unfold.” Alastor chimed in with his never ending grin.
“Ah the bellhop, how fun..” Lucifer narrowed his red eyes at the taller deer demon. “I heard you made a deal with my duckling..” He growled softly as Alastor laughed.
“Why yes I did, don't worry your highness I didn't take her soul. I simply wanted a little favor between friends.”
Lucifer growled with his eyes flashing pure red for a moment. “You slimy fucker, you better not make my little girl do anything stupid!”
Husk rolled his eyes though he noticed Razzle sitting on the couch looking depressed. Sighing the cat demon took a glass and poured some apple cider into it before bringing it over to the small goat dragon. “It's hard ain't it?”
“Bap…” Razzle replied, taking the drink.
Husk patted the goat demon on the back and took a swig of his own bottle. He looked over at the memorial for Sir Pentious. “It's hard losin’ a friend, eh?” He looked back down to Razzle, who sniffled. “Whoa hey, uh..” Husk jolted a bit when the little dragon just buried himself into the cat demon's fur while his creator bickered with Alastor.
“Tell you what, little king. If you can beat me in a simple cook-off, I'll tell you more about my deal with your little spawn. But if I win, you must refer to me as Alastor the All-powerful Radio demon.” The deer grinned as Lucifer growled. “And whose going to be the judge?” The smaller man asked, narrowing his eyes.
Alastor smirked, snapping his fingers as soon a knock came to the door. “We'll have three, Husker, your little goat, and a neutral party.” He chuckled and answered the door revealing Rosie the cannibal overlord.
“Oh my darling, you weren't kidding when you said the king was here! He looks scrumptious.” The woman cooed, smiling. “Now shall we get this fun cook off started?”
Over the next hour Husk, Razzle, and Rosie sat waiting and watched the two men walk into the way bigger than necessary kitchen. “One regular dish and one cannibal dish for Rosie.” Alastor smirked as Lucifer nodded wearing his cute as fuck frilly apron which said “An apple a day, keeps the assholes at bay.”
“Alright then. Let's get this party started little Bambi.” The king smirked “Because I'm going to fuck you.”
Alastor had his ears pinned back and an eye twitch. “I can't believe you made the same mistake twice…” He kept his grin.
Rosie giggled as Husk facepalmed with a groan. “Here we go..”
Alastor snapped his fingers as his shadow appeared with a cheeky grin. The two moved with ease as the taller red deer man began cooking his best dish, jambalaya.
Lucifer on the other hand struggled with the kitchen but smirked and snapped in fresh ingredients. “Let's see..” He swayed casually.
----
Rosie giggled, looking amused, watching the boys try to outdo one another. “Are they always like that? It feels like a married couple spat.”
“Well no one gets under his skin like Lucifer does..” Husk muttered while taking a drink. “Aw it's nice. Our little ace in the hole found someone finally. Plus, the shortie is so cute.” Rosie teased with a playful tone.
Razzle remained quiet throughout the whole thing. However he perked up seeing the food both parties prepared. Alastor smirked, having three plates of his jambalaya, with two pots so he wouldn't mix the cannibal meat with regular one. He placed down the plates before his guest. “Enjoy.” He stated with his tentacles placing each one down.
Razzle sniffed and took a bite of the food. His nose scrunched up as he whined. It was too spicy for his liking. Husk took a bite and rubbed his chin looking amused. “Not bad..”
Rosie grinned, seeing her own plate. She soon elegantly took a forkful and ate some. “Oh my Alastor, this is quite a dish. However, I must refrain from voting until I have the dish the king made darling.”
“Of course my dear.” Alastor smirked, narrowing his eyes at Lucifer.
Lucifer playfully sauntered over like a showman and grinned “Well I've prepared a tasty feast for you three. For my little Razzle pookie, a pile of freshly made donuts, for the bartender a tasty looking apple pie, and for the lovely miss, a scrumptious meaty tart, just for you.” He smirked smugly at Alastor, who narrowed his eyes.
Razzle perked up and devoured the donuts, Husk blinked and ate a piece of pie with a slight hum, and Rosie, well she looked flattered as she ate the tart.
---
The trio soon raised the symbol to whom their vote was for. Razzle had Lucifer, which was a rubber duck, Husk had Alastor's, which looked like a smiling creepy red cat, and the last vote Rosie she looked amused at the two waiting on bated breath. “I've gotta think it over, darling. Both were especially tasty.” The woman smiled with a playful giggle.
Both Alastor and Lucifer looked at one another annoyed when Rosie raised both signs. “A tie?!” Both men stared.
“Sorry Alastor, but both were so delicious!” Rosie replied, looking pleased.
Husk looked at her and shook his head as soon chaos erupted as the boys started to try and force one another to eat their food, claiming it was better than the other. So much so that Alastor playfully turned the knob up on the oven to ruin Lucifer’s batch of apple flavored danishes. This enraged the shorter man as he chased Alastor outside once the oven blew up.
Husk came out and sighed, not drunk enough for this, with Rosie holding Razzle like a baby and petting the goat. “You seem more relaxed, Husk. How come?”
“Huh, I suppose it's because I like the rest of the little shits in the hotel…” The bartender chuckled looking back however noticed on the top floor a pair of pink eyes looking at him. A small hint of red reached his cheeks as he smiled a bit. “Looks to me you're starting to fall for someone here eh?” Rosie smirked looking at Husk.
“Well they're nice drinking buddies..” The bartender smiled a bit seeing Angel Dust coming downstairs. “But maybe yeah, I guess it's because I feel comfortable around him now..” Husk admitted with a soft smile. Soon, he was laughing with the girls as they watched Charlie chew both her dad and ‘dad’ out for making a mess in the kitchen and fighting again.
(Yes I think sometimes Alastor and Lucifer bitch at one another like an old married couple. I may have a soft spot for Radioapple..)
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h-a-r-t-k-e · 1 year ago
Text
Sir pentious x reader
    ''    thoughts
   ""    words
   ( )    Translations
I was just doing my casual shift at the Happy Hotel, when I saw on the news there was a turf war and angel dust was in it.
'Vaggie is gonna be up his ass about that especially with the news report' And just like I had thought 15 minutes later Vaggie, Angel, and Charlie walked through the door with Vaggie going on about something and then leaving with Angel who tried and failed terribly to make Charlie feel better.
About 5 minutes later there was a knock on the door and I heard the door open, close, then open again, and just to be slammed again. I was confused so I peeked around the corner of the kitchen since I was making dinner before they barged in, to see a nervous Charlie
"U-uh Vaggie" Charlie asked, and Vaggie let out a groan "ughh what?" She asked annoyed.
"T-the radio demons at the- at the door" Charlie said making very awkward hand motions, but this got Vaggies attention. "WHAT?! Well don't let him in." Vaggie said but ignoring her girlfriends advice ( Yes I ship Vaggie and Charlie get over it )
      -Cue Alastors singing to the explosion-
By then I'd walked back into the kitchen and didn't really care about Alastors presence as long as he doesn't disrupt me. But when I heard an explosion that grabbed my attention and I walked out.
"What the hell is going on? I heard singing and now this?" I then see a balloon in the sky and Sir. Pentious out of everyone was sitting in it. ( You know him from one day you went to the bar drunk and tried flirting with him and he seemed interested but turned you down saying he had to conquer hell first. )
"Ah, Alastor and y/n we meet again" I recognized him but didn't want to but before I could say anything I heard Alastor say "Do I know you?" And I had to hide a slight laugh.
          -Cue Alastor using his magic and dad jokes and walking back into the hotel and changing the name-
I went back to the kitchen to finish making dinner when I started hearing static and when I turned around I saw Alastor staring over my shoulder at what I was cooking.
"Ah- holy shit. Don't do that personal space man" I said gently pushing him back and going back to cooking.
"My apologies my dear.... What are you making?" He asked. "F/f ( favorite food )"
"Good dish. Have you ever made jambalaya?" He asked, "No but I've thought about making it I just can never find a good recipe"
"Well I could teach you my recipe if you'd like?" He asked.  "Hm sure... tomorrow?" "That works perfectly see you then." He said.
       -Cue more conversation because I can't think and I really don't want my family to see my phone screen right now-
After dinner was ready, I started telling people it was ready. 'Hm I'm not very hungry today.. I think I'll go on a walk'
I put on a small jacket shoes ( whatever type you want ) and walked out.
As soon as I'd started the walk I felt like I was being followed but brushed it off since that's a pretty normal feeling for hell. I mean people having a staring issue down here.
Once I'd walked pretty far I decided to turn around and head back but took a short cut through an alley since it was a quicker way back.
When I was about to exit the alley I was grabbed and pushed against the wall. "Hay- what the he-" the person cut me off by putting a hand over my mouth.
"Our encounter was cut short earlier but I wanted to invite you to my place." 'Wait I recognize that voice it can't be-' Once my vision came back from being slammed against the wall I realized my suspicions were correct and it was Sir. Pentious.
I tried to speak but he still had his hand over my mouth and he sighed. "If I let you cant scream okay?"
I nodded my head and he let go. "So why now all of a sudden are you seeking me out?" I asked. "Well ever since you... flirted? I think that's correct ( Yes you get wholesome snake Boi ) I have been feeling an odd way and you have been running through my mind like crazy!" He said sounding confused and annoyed.
'Okay this is new' "So you want me to go to your place so we can...?" I asked confused. "Ah well I was hoping we could talk about this... feeling over maybe tea?"
"Hm fine." I said still confused. "Great!" He responded overly excited.
       -Cue being at his house because I suck at writing in convos-
Once we were at his house he said make yourself comfortable while he went and got the tea.
I was amazed by the place to say the least it looked like it came straight from the 60s and I loved that Era. I saw a record player and decided to see what kind of music he listened to and put the needle on the record that was already in.
When I put the needle down 'Can't help falling in love by Elvis presley started playing ( Listen on youtube if you don't know it )
I knew the song and even started singing a bit till I felt I was being watched and turned around to see Sir. Pentious standing at the door way with his eyes closed as he seemed to be enjoying the music and my singing.
But he also appeared to be zoned out so I took this as a chance and kept singing as I made my way to him until I was close enough to whisper in his ear "Falling in love there Pentious?" I said and his eyes shot open and his hood flared.
"I-i maybe- I mean no! What gave you that impression?!" He asked clearly embarrassed.
"Aw and now your flustered" His hood went to hide his face and I just let out a chuckle.
"Cmon now I wanna see my snakes fa-" but before I could finish the sentence he had pressed his lips into mine still managing to hold the tea with his tail. Which oddly enough his lips tasted of the tea which sort of tasted like peppermint.
"Well that's a quick way to shut me up, do it more often" I said grabbing the tea and walking over to couch and putting the tea on the table.
He blushed a little but walked over and grabbed his cup and began drinking it. "So.. that feeling was... love?" He asked seeming confused.
"Yea I would definitely think so considering what you've told me." I responded.
"Hm. Well in that case would you want to live here so we can figure how to make this.. love thing work?" He asked slightly flustered. "I would love to." I responded.
     That was 4 months ago now me and Pentious have things figured out and I'm living with him full time and even helping with inventions his little egg bois call me different names and Charlie seemed to be supportive, as I expected but Alastor did not seem happy since him and Pentious don't really like each other. Me and Alastor still talk but not as much. But I'm okay with that I'm happy with Pentious and I'm hoping things don't change.
           1243 words ( not including intro with the tag and little key. It's only the words for the story ) Hope you enjoy though and glad I got it done and my family didn't ask what I was doing.
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sssardonian-ssserpent · 3 years ago
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meals: how many meals does my muse eat a day? what do they generally consist of? (from @furby-organist )
((Oh boy. Meals. Meals are a touchy subject for Pent. If you want to say snacks count as meals? Well, he eats around 8 a day, not because he’s particularly gluttonous or anything, but simply because he’s a snake who has to eat a shit ton of food just to keep going and not be starving every five minutes. So rather instead of taking the time out of his day to eat like 6 full dishes a day, he snacks periodically to curb most of the appetite but leaves just enough for the main 3 meals (maybe 4 if he’s in the mood for brunch.)
…WHICH WOULD BE FINE IF HE ATE THOSE THREE MEALS AT ALL.
Pentious I’m afraid is a workaholic to an insane degree. Meaning it is very, very much often that he doesn’t really eat most meals at all. 90% of the time, unless he’s about to drop from hunger or exhaustion entirely, he gets up, downs about a pot’s worth of coffee, and proceeds to launch himself into a working frenzy, be it designing blueprints, testing weapons, repairing weapons or his ship, coding programs for his computers, checking and fixing firewalls on said computers, or just doing daily repairs around his home, at best while eating small bowls or pretzels or snack bars throughout the day, none of which are meant to substitute actual meals. He can cook very well, loves to cook actually, but he can almost never stop himself at a reasonable point to actually make himself anything at any reasonable time, so most of the time, when he does stop in his work long enough to realize “oh shit I need to eat” he just pulls out the closest shitty instant junk food he can like instant ramen or microwave burritos and makes that instead of an actual decent meal. And even then that’s only one meal out of the standard like, 4 or 5 his snake biology expects him to eat, let alone 3.
So yeah. Someone help feed this man. Make him eat properly.))
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i-fucking-hate-ppl · 5 years ago
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What about some fluffy dating headcanons of Alastor, Angel and Sir Pentious? Cute things they like to do with their S/O’s, who makes the first move and kisses each other, maybe how would them react if their S/O’s want to have intimate relationships or maybe kids(?? Idk If you’re comfortable with nsfw or not :)) btw sorry for my grammar mistakes
Can do! I hope it's up to standards! Dont worry about spelling btw, I'm just as bad :) Also I do NSFW for anyone wondering, and yes it's kinda in here. Also, Alastor is asexual in my opinion, although I know others may not think so, so I wrote some nsfw for him. Anyway Enjoy!
Alastor:
• His S/o has to make the first few moves. (Handholding, hugs, and eskimo kisses/ butterfly kisses/ cheek kisses)
• After that he'll initiate everything else. (Hand kisses, kisses, make out sessions, etc.)
• Most of the time, he's the first one to kiss you. Sometimes you do surprise him by kissing him first.
• He really likes to kiss the back of your hand. He'll do it whenever he sees you (even if he's in public).
• He also likes when you hold onto his arm, he feels really proud.
• He does cute couple things with you a lot. But it's always behind closed doors.
• He's set Saturday nights to the side all for you. It's usually for going on a date, but if you're not up to it that day he's all for staying home and watching tv or cuddling (or both).
• He'll try to make you breakfast in the morning so you can have it in bed. (Praise him for it, he loves it when you praise him [and his cooking])
• If anyone new comes into the hotel, he'll immediately show you off as his.
• He doesn't need these hopeless sinners hitting on you. You. Are. HIS.
• That being said, you can mingle with them, so long as they keep their filthy hands and thoughts to themselves. (In his mind everyone likes you, fyi.)
• In my opinion, Alastor is asexual and wouldn't have an intimate relationship with you. He'll make out with you, sure. But that's as far as he's wants to go or will let you go.
• In this situation he'd be a bit uncomfortable, and he'd try to explain it to you if you didn't know. He'd probably apologize for not telling you sooner as well.
• Although if you don't think so, I want you to know, Alastor will NOT make the first move.
• No, no, no, no.
• He made some of the other first moves sure, but NOT this one.
• He doesn't want to take things too fast, he doesn't want to make you afraid. He just wants it to be special, and for you to feel special.
• He'll wait for you to take it farther until he does, and even then he'll ask just to be sure.
• Once he's absolutely sure he'll get super excited, like a kid in a candy shop. He'll be all smiles (the sweet smiles btw).
• Alastor is the type to really enjoy foreplay. He'll definitely be giving it more than recieving it.
• Let me tell you, he could do a lot with his tongue and hands.
• It doesn't matter if you're a male or a female. He'll still be able to make you scream and beg for more.
• His more into it for your pleasure, rather than his.
• Although seeing you whimpering and begging for him, is his pleasure so it's not like he's not getting anything out of it.
• If a fun night leads to you being pregnant, (or if you talk to him about kids) he kinda... panics?
• He's not meant to be a father. That's why he's in hell.
• He's 100% sure this baby is going to be fuck up. Mentally and emotionally speaking.
• He'll make sure to be calm around you but all hell is breaking loose on the inside.
• Basically always having a mental breakdown over this.
• Although once his child is born, he calms right the fuck down.
• She's just so cute, how could she do or be anything bad? She was a little angel.
• Instantly regrets those words once she gets older.
• His daughter would be the one to make mischief. Most of the time it's harmless, but it's still a problem.
• Although he'd love her, and honestly? That's him so he can't really yell at her.
• She'd have him wrapped around her little finger.
• "Daddy can I have juice?"
• "What did Mother/Father say?" *already pulling the juice out from the fridge*
• "She/He/They said no, but I knew you'd give it to me! So I came to ask!"
• "You know I can't go behind her/his/their back." *about to put it back*
• "Its okay! I won't tell! It can be a Daddy-Daughter secret!" *grins sweetly with a finger to her lips*
• Any thought of putting it back flew out the window as he handed it to her with a pat of her head.
• He's really soft and caves for his child easily, but if it was serious -like going out with a few friends he doesn't like- he'll be able to say no quite easily.
Angel Dust:
• This boy is glued to your hip and he really tries to do cute couple things.
• He'll give you random sweets, and set up random dates in the hotel.
• They're so random you literally cant figure out when he's going to do these things. No matter how hard you try.
• Although usually when he flirts with you he'll give you a piece of candy. Idk why, he just does.
• We all know how Angel is, so we all know he's always one to make the first move!
• If you feel uncomfortable about whatever move he pulled, let him know and he either won't do it again or wait a little longer, depending on what you say and how you react.
• Although you can never really kiss him first because he's always doing it.
• You wake up and can barely register anything? He's already giving you a kiss of some kind. The moment's romantic and you turn to kiss him? Welp he's already holding your hand, kissing it and then leans over to kiss your cheek.
• Trust me, you have never started anything because he doesn't give you a chance too lol.
• He likes when you hang out with just him. It makes him feel special and like you only need him.
• So many of your dates and couple hangouts are just you and him with no one else around
• If anyone interrupts, oh boy.
• RIP them, you have to start planning a funeral.
• And if anyone hits on you? It's the end of the god damn world. He'll act all big and tough and he'll fuck them up too, but he's pouting about it for a week+
• He'll also double his clinginess and affection so be prepared.
• One day, if you give hints that you're in the mood he'll be ecstatic!
• S/o wants to fuck. With me? Hell fucking yes!
• Unlike Al he's not much into foreplay, so he'll probably keep it short and just get straight to the point.
• It's not that he doesn't like it, he just think there's no need for it.
• You'll feel plenty of pleasure when he's pounding into you. Besides it's more fun and fast paced! Foreplay is just too slow for him.
• He'll also go for more than one round.
• If you end up pregnant, or talking about kids, he's all for it! Full send!
• Immediately regrets it the second he's up all night with the little boy he created.
• Dont get me wrong, he LOVES his boy, but god damn he was not ready.
• Once his child is older and a bit more independent he's -I wouldn't say happier- but less stressed out.
• He tries to keep his son from knowing he was a porn star. Hopefully he'll be one of those teenage boys that dont look up porn or he'll be scared for life.
Sir Pentious:
• Sir Pentious is a gentle men! He'll do plenty of cute couple things and he'll show you off to the public!
• If you're crying or upset he'll put his hat on your head to try and cheer you up.
• He'll hold your hand or give you a hug any moment he can.
• He's usually the one to initiate anything. He'll kiss you first, hold your hand first, and all that.
• But after that, you usually start everything, unless it's a hug or hand holding.
• Sir Pentious is quite the jealous man so try to keep talking with men on the down low.
• He's not going to stop you, but it makes he feel uncomfortable when you'd 'prefer' being with them instead of him.
• He's kinda intimidated by sex so he wouldn't start it.
• He'd definitely wait for you to show signs and even then he's still a nervous wreck.
• Although he manages to rise above and give you a good time regardless of his nerves.
• He'd do a bit of foreplay and a bit of sex. Sometimes it'll be more foreplay, other times it'll be more sex. It honestly depends.
• And if it happens to get you pregnant, or you speak of kids he'll say "aren't the eggs enough for you?"
• But obviously not. So, mostly to make you happy, you guys have a child!
• He actually likes this one though lmao.
• He'll look more like you but act more like Pentious. He's a gentle man and style is everything in his eyes.
• He's always quite the little genius. Always making something (even if it's matching macaroni necklaces for you and Pentious).
• Pentious is really good with him, bc honestly he's dealt with the eggs forever and it's no different to him.
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dontasktheradiodemon · 3 years ago
Text
Snuit
Sir Pentious/Telly (@usedhearts) has a fancy black-and-yellow suit.
Alastor wants a fancy black-and-yellow suit.
Alastor
How does one gracefully segue into a topic with one's partner? Alastor doesn't know how other people do it; but the way *he* does it is by hovering nearby until Telly appears to have reached a pause in his work, and then immediately draping himself across Telly's coils. "So I saw my alternate last weekend!" Super smooth.
Telly
He'd grown used to this sort of thing-- when Alastor wanted attention, he certainly got it. But Telly smiled all the while, setting aside the set of tweezers he'd been using for some delicate work on his latest project. He leaned down to give Alastor a kiss before speaking.
"Which one, love? You have quite a number."
Alastor
And the fact that he waited at all was how he showed his love.
Smooch! "The one who—well." A self-conscious *ahem.* "The one from the same universe as your alternate that you had that tiff with."
Telly
"Oh!" Telly's brain and face took a few moments to catch up with his ears. His face scrunched briefly, before he smoothed it with a sigh. "Oh, yes. Terrible bother, all that between us two, but I suppose I'm far more grating and less gracious than you are-- in general, that is. Not all Pentiouses are created equal."
He primped a bit, stroking his hood. "So, what's this about your alternate?"
Alastor
"Oh, don't be silly! I'm *incredibly* grating! I just save up all my charm for you." A wink.
He sat up and wrapped an arm around Telly's shoulders. "And wouldn't you know it, after your alternate gave you such a hard time about working with me, *he* went and hired *my* alternate to assist with his security! Can you believe that!" (It was, of course, a far more complicated issue than that—but it didn't hurt to simplify it in a way that gave Telly something to feel smug about as Alastor meandered toward his *real* topic.)
Telly
And feel smug he did! Telly immediately puffed up a big more, his hood flaring a bit in pleasure. "Oh did he now? Well, well, looks like the sock is on the other tail!"
He let out a hissing laugh.
Alastor
"It certainly *is*! Now, don't you go taunting your alternate about it, because he'll figure out how it got back to you and then *I'll* be the one he's sore at." A huff. "But yes! My other's on the staff now! And he's got a spiffy new matching uniform to go with it, complete with everything from top hat to cuff links!"
Telly
"Don't worry, darling, I have no intentions of speaking with Ruddy about anything unless he deigns to speak to me first. And perhaps not even then!" He chuckled, giving Alastor another kiss.
"But a suit! How nice? What's it made of, do you know?"
Alastor
"Heck if I know! My alternate spent more time talking about this little radio lapel pin he got with it—I don't know what he needs it for, *I* get radio in my head—but it's something quality, that's sure enough! This is no cheap polyester off-the-rack suit!"
And now, with the bait laid... "Telly—my darling, my beloved, light of my afterlife..." He lay his head on Telly's shoulder and blinked up at him with big, endearing, doe-like eyes. "When are *you* going to officially hire me and give me a matching uniform?" LOOK at that darling smile. He's *definitely not* trying not to laugh, can't you see how serious he is.
Telly
Telly blinked. And then a quizzical look came over his face as he tilted his head, thinking. And _then_ a sly smile appeared and his eyes narrowed a bit.
"So, does this mean you're done looking for better snake employment offers? I know you spoke in the past about taking a job with another me, but bringing back things to help me-- but since we're all up on our feet, and tails, over here now, well, I can't blame you for seeking gainful employ!"
His fingers stroked his chin. "Though, I'm certain you're already my number two-- there aren't many that I would specially design controls for the airship for, you know, my love."
Alastor
A surprised look. "Telly, I've never been *looking* for better employment offers. That's an emergency contingency plan at best, not a *goal.* What I want is to be with you."
Ah yes—he was getting good at piloting, if he did say so himself. It was fun. "Sure, we all know I'm your de facto number two; but there's a big gap between de facto and official! Here's the thing: with all the cooking and homemaking I've been doing around here lately, I'm starting to feel a little like a housewife. And you know the saying, *behind every great man there's a great woman*—but in every history book, whose name is listed next after the president's? The vice president, or the first lady?" He smiled wanly.
"Now, I may not have any high political ambitions myself—but I *do* want to get *credit* for what I do. And people look at your contributions differently depending on whether you're helping someone because you're part of his organization, or because you're part of his household. I intend to be part of the organization. *Officially.*"
Telly
Telly tilted his head, listening as Alastor spoke, a soft thrum in his chest. He nodded and stroked his chin again.
"I see you're point, darling. But you want, what? Just a suit like the Egg Bois have? Or were you thinking of something more special than that?" He hummed, squinting a bit.
"You do know you'd literally only be able to wear it around the airship, since the public at large doesn't know about us, yes? It would be hard for you to explain to anyone at your hotel about it."
Alastor
"I was thinking more like a suit like *you* have, plus pants—but sure, you could put it that way!"
He sighed melodramatically. "Oh, I know. And it just kills me!" And it was why, in his heart, he wasn't really expecting anything to come from this conversation but a bunch of moaning and sighing. Not for several years, at any rate. Decades, maybe. Potentially centuries. He gave Telly a morose look. "Well... it'll be nice when I *can*, won't it?"
Telly
"It would! It would indeed." He laughed, and kissed him. "Perhaps sometime in the future-- truth be told, I'd like it if only I got to see you in it. Would make it feel special." He winked.
Alastor
"Oh, *I* see. Getting to see the Radio Demon dressed up in your personal colors, as a private little show, only for you—something like that?" He winked back. "Well, I *do* like making you feel special."
Telly
Telly purred and leaned close to flick his tongue against Alastor's cheek. "Exactly. You being dressed up all for me....what a thing."
He chuckled. "Hmm, I've been meaning to find a new tailor anyway-- I think something could be whipped up."
Alastor
Alastor tilted his head into the flicking and slid his free arm around Telly's waist to rub his back. *His* special snake. All his.
"Really?" His eyes brightened. "*Could* you? I realize it's not really going to make a difference until we can go public, but..."
Telly
"Yes, I think so. I could just say I've got a special Egg Boi to give it to." He threw a smarmy smirk at Alastor.
"I'll have to double check your measurements, but other than that, well, shouldn't be too hard."
Alastor
"Pff! A remarkably tall and willowy egg!" He laughed. "Well—sure! Why not?!"
Telly
"It's not like they'd care to check!" Telly laughed, too. "Alright, do you have a measuring tape? I can get down the measurements and then I'll visit the tailor soon."
Alastor
"Sure! Right..." He rummaged around in his pockets. "Here!" He'd been using the thing religiously lately, taking down dozens of measurements in his den as he tried to get his new altar organized.
Telly
Telly took the tape and then scrounged around for a spare notebook that wasn't already filled with calculations and designs. He poked Alastor's back to make sure he was standing straight and began to take down his measurements.
"I think you'll look darling in black and yellow..."
Alastor
Up he goes straight and tall as possible—he's been measured before, he knows the drill. "I hope so! We're going to be in trouble if I look bad in it, aren't we?" He grinned crookedly, "But then I look pretty good next to *you,* don't I?"
Telly
Telly pecked Alastor's cheek as he rounded him, taking the length of his arm. "That you do. Very good, in fact."
He laughed softly. "I can't wait to see the faces of Vox and those other overlords when they see you on my arm in my colors."
Alastor
"Oh, won't that be the day! The horror in their eyes when they realize just how *dangerous* we are together!" Resisting the urge to make grand gestures long enough for Telly to measure his arm was harder than he'd expected. "And the fact that they all underestimate you right now, *oh,* that's just going to make it even *more* delicious when they register that *I'm* in *your* colors, not the other way around."
Telly
Telly measured his other arm and then from fingertip to fingertip, before going down for the legs.
"Mm, yes, it will be deliciously vile of us. I want to see Vox blue screen and cease to function." He hissed, laughing.
Alastor
"I'd be happy to see him cease to function in *any* context," Alastor said wistfully. "What do you think happens to his big tech monopoly when he goes down? Is it strong enough to keep trundling on without him or are the shareholders going to start dismembering it and cannibalizing their holdings?"
Telly
"I would guess the latter, honestly-- Vox is what's holding all of that together, certainly. Without him, it's bound to fall. I could see Valentino and Velvet descending into the chaos and picking up the most scraps but, well...."
He shrugged, taking the inseam. "Once Vox is gone, the debris will be easy enough to sweep away." Telly smirked.
Alastor
"Valentino, I could see—he's already got a multimedia empire, it can't be too hard for him to diversify. Velvet... I don't know. I always got the impression she's more of an entertainer than a manager, but I hardly know, really."
Ooh, uncomfy. He looked up while Telly took his inseam. "One hopes! Maybe they'll start putting something *interesting* on television again."
Telly
"Heh! Perhaps you could diversify-- get your own show! I could see you doing well as a late night talk show host." Telly scribbled down the last of the measurements and straightened up, kissing Alastor's cheek.
"All done!"
Alastor
"Ha! Do they do any talk shows with invisible hosts? Cameras and I don't get along." His smile wilted a bit. "... I guess that *would* be the easiest way to get on air over here, wouldn't it?"
He slid his arm back around Telly's waist. *His* snake again.
Telly
"You could be the first!" Telly wrapped his arm around Alastor's shoulders, smiling at him.
"It's just an idea-- who knows what will happen in the long run? Maybe you could help bring back radio instead. I know Leclerq's apprentice is doing some to help that along."
Alastor
He gave Telly a pointed look. "And you don't think Leclerq would have something to say about his own doppelgänger attempting to *directly* encroach on his domain? While working for one of his worst enemies, at that?"
Telly
"I don't know! I haven't seen or heard much from or about him in a good long while, and I prefer it that way." He sniffed haughtily. "When we take down Vox, the landscape of Hell will be much changed, so who's to say what will happen!"
Alastor
Alastor grimaced. Somehow, he doubted his alternate had stopped caring just because he was spending less time in Hell. "If it was *me*—if I discovered that one of my alternates was secretly in bed with, say, V#x, and he started trying to broadcast on *my* airwaves—I would shred him to ribbons and leave his entrails draped over the gates of Hell as a warning to other Radio Demons."
Telly
Telly frowned, and turned to face Alastor, cupping his cheek. "Well, then, you'll just not do that last bit then. We'll figure something out, it's all just hypotheticals."
Alastor
"Yes. Right." He sighed. "Of course." It weighed on him, though, every time he thought of it. But there was nothing to be done about it now. They'd figure something out.
He offered a thin smile. "Well. In the meantime, I get a suit, right?" He leaned forward to peck Telly's lips.
Telly
Telly smiled back, his thumb stroking Alastor's cheek. "Yes, you get a suit." He accepted the kiss and wrapped his tail around Alastor's legs.
"Now, was there anything else, or is it time for a snack? I'm feeling peckish."
Alastor
Alastor glanced down, brows raised. "I would *love* to go get a snack... but it seems I'm a little tied up."
Telly
Telly purred, giving Alastor's legs a squeeze before loosening his coils. "I sssupossse I can free you....jusssst thisss oncccce." He hissed, winking.
Alastor
"Ooh. Keep hissing at me like that and maybe I won't *want* you to free me." He stepped free of Telly's coils and took his hand. "I'll have to offer you only the *finest* of snacks in return for your mercy. Shall we?"
Telly
"Yesss, only the finessst." Telly grinned, raising Alastor's hand to kiss it before nodding. "Let'ss go, darling."
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petitprincess1 · 4 years ago
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Good Evening Ch14 (Game is Set)
AO3 Link Summary: The three figure out what to do with the body, while Al gives a bit of insight to Angelo. Words: 1,117 Warning:Gore and blood ~~~ Cherri’s foot bounced as Pentious and Baxter were bouncing back-and-forth ideas of what to do with the body and how to properly hide the smell. Despite the two coming up with plans, they were just about as on edge as Cherri was, but they were trying to be a bit level-headed. Angelo just felt odd about being a bit calmer than the rest of them as he ate the grilled venison that Alastor brought. Although, if anything made him feel apprehensive, it was Al staring at him as he ate. It was as if he was watching the tiniest movements that he made, making him wonder if he had the same watchful gaze that he gave to his victims.
Luckily, Alastor’s attention was placed elsewhere as Cherri suddenly stood and questioned, clearly pissed off, “What the hell are you doing just sitting on your ass? You’re the one that caused this shit in the first place! You...You fucking psychopath!”
Alastor just chuckled as he leaned over, causing the spunky girl to flinch, and then booped her nose. He grinned, “No need for such insults, my dear. You don’t see me saying such abhorrent things about y-”
Before he could finish, Cherri smacked his hand away from her face and grabbed Al’s collar. She yanked him out of his seat and yelled, “Don’t you dare fucking touch me! You think this is some kind of joke? You just shot someone, there’s blood in our house, a weapon, others probably heard the gunshot, and we have a fucking dead body in our house! We all are all FUCKED if we do nothing about this!”
The creole didn’t say anything as his smile shrunk a bit on his face. However, Cherri didn’t want to back down from the man, no matter how dangerous he was. She was about to shout at him again, but stopped after hearing him mutter. “She would’ve killed Anthony,” he practically whispered. The spunky girl was about to say that wasn’t the point. Though she ended up getting halted by Alastor grabbing onto her wrist, squeezing it tightly in his grip and causing her to wince at the sharp pain. He mumbled, “...Let go of me...”
Sir Pentious quickly came behind Cherri and said nervously, “Uh, Cherri, perhaps you should come over here. We’re going to need help with the body.” She winced more at the last squeeze Al gave to her wrist- she swore she heard her wrist give a few pops -and then the man finally let go of her. Cherri held her wrist close to her chest as Pen escorted her away from the two. The Brit whispered, “Are you stupid? Don’t bother with that bloody nutter!”
Cherri asked, looking at the skin on her wrist turn red, “Has he always been like this?”
Pentious glanced at Al, who was staring down at the table at nothing in particular and had his hands folded properly, and mumbled, “No...I don’t think so.”
Angelo had just sat through all of what happened, feeling like his mind was telling him to do multiple things at once. He wanted to punch and yell at the man for hurting his friends, framing him, and just putting him in this mess. However, he knew that that would just make things worse. He also wanted to make some jokes or even thank Al, but both of those felt inappropriate. Plus, his body was still in a shit-ton of pain. There was just so much going on at once. 
“Well, that was dramatic,” the mob-child got pulled back into reality by hearing Al speak. He turned his head to see the light-brown man smiling happily at him. It made him feel kinda at ease to see Alastor smile...in a very weird way. He was just happy for some form of constant in his life…even if it was from a deranged man.
Alastor looked at Angelo with a raised eyebrow and questioned, “Are you okay, Anthony? Is the steak cooked to medium rare as I hoped?”
Angelo replied, rubbing his arms and wincing at the dull pain, “It’s, uh...fine, I guess. A little gamy, but nothin’ too bad. Uh, Al, ya didn’t have ta shoot the broad. Ya know that, right? She put the gun-”
“Don’t listen to those people.”
“Wh...What?”
“Don’t listen to dolts like Cherri and Pentious. They make it seem like you’re dispensable, replaceable, and someone that can be left unchecked when clearly you were attacked by your own gang! You can’t trust any of them, Anthony. Those idiots would give you up in a heartbeat if it meant saving themselves, but I never would. Never. ...Do you believe me?” Alastor questioned, sounding quite timid, which oddly clashed with his whole speech. 
Angelo tapped his fingers on the table, unsure of what to say. He definitely did believe that Alastor would kill anyone that even looked at him wrong, but he also knew that….Cherri would absolutely have his back. He glanced back up at Al, seeing the man’s smile twitch in nervousness, and was about to speak. Unfortunately, he got cut off by Cherri asking, “Alastor, I’m sorry for interrupting your way too casual convo, but how do we get rid of this body.”
The mob-child looked over at Al, who had an ecstatic, ear-to-ear grin on his face as he practically purred, “I have an idea in mind~” ~~~ The next morning in the warehouse, Vox was counting out some money that he collected from Val’s porn studio, sighing at the man’s absence. Velvet was on his lap and was doing her nails, humming a small song. A knock was heard at the door and Vel was quick to take out a knife, but Vox just lowered her hand slowly. He went towards the door and saw one of his men, holding a box. The grunt shrugged as he spoke, “It was addressed to you. Don’t know what’s in it.”
Vox stared at the box and he snapped his fingers, making Vel throw a knife to him that he easily caught. He sliced open the box, opened it up, and the sight was enough to make the goon drop the piece of cardboard, dry heaving. Velvet looked from behind Vox and gagged, “Ewww, nastyyyy!”
She still took a picture of it to make a post though. Inside the box held Traci’s head that had all the teeth pulled out, eyes gouged, and a taped letter on her forehead, reading, “Nice to meet you again…”
Vox just stared at the bloodied container and chuckled amusedly at the note, recognizing the handwriting. He muttered as he took out a cigarette, “Message received. ...Game on, Alastor.”
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gamergirluprising · 5 years ago
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Alastor’s Possible Backstory, Emotional, And Mental State.
Okay, so, I find Alastor from Hazbin Hotel one of the few characters that interest me due to his sheer mysterious aura. He has a lot of secrets and I’d like to dissect this man down to his mannerisms, his beliefs, his (low-key/high-key?) pessimistic view of life, and his use of voodoo. I personally am not a fan of the said show since it’s pretty vulgar and hasn’t caught my attention due to the possible problems I see in the show (Why the heck did the God in this universe allow a hierarchy to take place AND give people superpowers by turning them into magical animals and such? Why did he even make a Hell?) 
But anyway, I’m not here to discuss my likes and dislikes about the show, I'm here to discuss the Radio Demon and what could have possibly happened in his life as a child to start this craziness and explain his complex personality, mental state, and emotional state. Alrighty with that being said, LET’S DISSECT!
MENTA L~𝓔𝓜𝓞𝓣𝓘𝓞𝓝𝓐𝓛 ~BEGINNING
Dude’s got a mental problem fam, and I'm not saying this just cause this man’s teeth are as yellow as Bill Cipher’s entire existence. No, no, no this man is crazy for not just his unhinged need to see other’s fail and to have utter and complete control(Will tackle later) he’s crazy for his huge narcissistic behavior. Dude, Honestly thinks he’s better than everyone and ONLY allows those he thinks are worthy into his “friend” circle. I quote friend because I’m not too sure how exactly and deeply he feels about Rosie aside from their relationship being like Jack and Mary from Mary Poppins Returns, as stated by Vivzie on twitter. He finds those who don’t always smile as people who are WEAK and LAUGHABLE and regardless of how they are, he still finds them to be weak, which BY GOD is such a flawed way of thinking GEEZ. Now after reading about Alastor and becoming more intrigued, I decided to do research on his behavior and when and how it starts. 
𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐦 has 9 defining traits. I’ll go over a few that I’ve noticed.
1. He really thinks he’s more important than anyone else and has shown this through his mannerisms, the way he speaks, his vibe and just his general character scream “I’m better than you!”
2. HE LOVES SHOWING OFF! Dude can’t seem to get enough of the spotlight, thus why he LOVES to broadcast his carnage on the radio! Why else would he do so!? He finds constant admiration and respect when he does his “little” display of power!
3. Now, we ALL know he has done some pretty...gruesome things to claim strength and be seen as the strongest, even when there are others who are stronger he displays himself as if he is more dominating and wouldn’t waste his time with, how you say, vermin. This is evident by his response to Vox
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You can find where I found this here at Faustisse’s cleanup and Inking vid of the upcoming Alastor Comic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_15UYpcWJ_Q
In case it is too hard to read due to the bad quality, Alastor is saying “Show off all that and no cattle.” which is pretty much  “all hat, no cattle” (or, alternately, “big hat, no cattle”) which refers to someone who is all talk with no action, power, or substance behind his/her words. I’d applaud this power move, and still kinda do, if it weren’t for this dudes BIG HEAD lol.
BUT, you get the point, the dude is an egomaniac! “We already knew this, I mean DUH!” you say to me pinching the bridge of your nose. “Why do you point out the obvious?!”
Well, notice how severe and prevalent these traits are. Don’t you find it odd how this dude has SEVERE megalomania? Well, I did research and found out that Narcissism has a very sad connection most of the time and affects males more than females.
at https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/causes-of-npd here’s what I found
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Notice the parental factors during early childhood are all abuse-related. This could very well be one, if not the main reason, why Al is the way he is: He was abused as a child! And to make matters worse, as I was looking deeper into this, I noticed that sexual abuse is ANOTHER factor, which would explain why Alastor doesn’t like being touched without consent or by surprise but will GLADLY invade other’s personal space to feel in control (He's a hypocrite like that). Sexual assault victims ALSO don’t like being touched without consent so this just adds more proof to my claim! And serial killers tend to have a rough family life and have been molested, taken advantage of, neglected, or all of the above! 
It’s also come to my attention that Alastor enjoys talking with women more than men for 2 reasons. 1) Alastor finds it easier and more enjoyable to talk with women. 2) He finds men to be dumb brutes at least in hell.
I give COMPLETE CREDIT to @dollymoon
Thank you for the awesome amount of facts you’ve provided! RESPECT! https://www.tumblr/dollymoon
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Alastor most likely has a very harsh grudge against the world due to his treatment as a young child. His abuse, and possible loss of his mother growing up, lead to him finding joy in seeing those suffer and fail EVERY SINGLE TIME! Notice the way he talks creepily to Charlie about watching sinners “Repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pits of F A I L U R E.” Look at this man’s face as he’s saying this! The man looks turned on with the VERY fact of people suffering, that’s his kink, y’all, he a damn sadist! (No, being asexual doesn’t mean you can’t have kinks, I’ve checked, lol. Got you fam.) Ima kink shame the hell out of this man (Pun-unintended) 
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Ahem, anyway, this dude has got a hate boner for the world and finds relief when exacting pain on others because he feels wronged and feels the world is to blame. He does seem to acknowledge and accept that where he’s at is the end of the road for those who want to change, their chance was when they were alive, and has accepted that this is the natural order of things and they can’t fix that. I had this vibe that he must have gone to church as a kid due to his mom being religious and he loved his mom so he obeyed, Has been stated by Faustisse that he’s a mama’s boy, BUT remember, Vivzie said anything that comes out of HER mouth is what’s canon. Unless she has already stated it as fact any other info can’t be trusted. (Even though this info is PAINSTAKINGLY clear just by him mentioning his mother’s cooking and it just makes too much sense, lol.)
So he must have grown up to be low-key violent but with manners like he practiced being slick and suave in order to trick people into trusting him so that he may kill them without getting caught, which would work perfectly with him not chasing people due to his moral code. He practiced and practiced and seeing as how he was well-off in his later years, I’d assume he started doing his radio schtick when he was in his early 20s or at the age of 18. So he began when the roaring 20s was just starting, a new beginning for him! 
Alastor's name means "he who does not forget", "avenger", "persecutor", "tormenter", "one who suffers from divine vengeance".
(This also makes me think his real name is Alexander/Alexandre since it's the exact opposite of his Hell-Name and more interestingly, in terms of name-giving traditions, between the latter half of the Spanish period (1790-1803) and the beginning of Jim Crow Segregation (1893-1964), gallicized names of classical Greek and Roman origins dominated in Loiusiana. This may be due, in whole, or in part, to the fact that New Orleans had North America’s (excluding Central America and the Caribbean) first Opera Houses and Theatres, owned, frequented and operated by Creoles from Louisiana, Cuba and Saint-Domingue/Haiti. Adonis is my second choice since It literally means "handsome man" and that would totally fit him for his handsomeness to the fact I feel that his mom would def name him this outside of Alexander/Alexandre.) http://www.mylhcv.com/common-creole-names-for-males/
This is a HEAVY hint to what happened in his life and why he’s so drawn to seeing people fail and helps hold my theory together quite a bit, if not a lot. Of all the names to give this dude, he was given a name that legit is on par with the word “Vengeance” and “Avenger”. Vengeance for what? Avenge who? He was wronged. He possibly is angered also by the death of his mother, who was most likely his ONLY ray of light. He is a broken man who most likely has insecurities, based on the info of narcissism which tells us that narcissistic people are the most insecure sorts of people. Alastor is aware of this and sees it as a weakness, something to be culled and hidden from the world never seeing the light of day. His only way of making himself feel stronger and more in control was through voodoo and cannibalism. Many Cannibals believe to be the bees-knees since they go a step FURTHER into crime by devouring their victims and placing themselves into a rank different and more feared by the rest. They see that no one else would even have the balls to attempt to reach that spot, which again leads back to the way Alastor thinks. He just adds oil to the fire when doing voodoo and doing BLOOD RITUALS which you can see him doing when attacking Sir Pentious!  https://twitter.com/hntrgurl13/status/1197918059836690433?s=20
Dude has so much baggage that he hides behind a smile he thinks ALONE brings strength like niBBa are you serious? I’d like to see this man try and say that to the faces of strong people like Superman, Goku, Midoriya, Naruto, Broly, Wonder Woman, GOD. Yo even GOD shows emotions. Wanna know why these beings are strong? It ain’t just cause they smile, Nah, it’s cause they’re determined or the very literal embodiment of determination. they have a damn balance and that strength helps them smile through the pain, they don’t need to exhibit a smile to be strong cause them being themselves and having the strong mentality is what gives them strength, not a damn smile. Watch Charlie hit him with the good old reality check when the man attempts to freaking take over her joint (Both hotel and hell) and she proves strength ain’t just gained through smiling or dominating others. He high-key sounds weak for even having that mindset, only weaklings think like this. He has a very weak view of life which brought forth a monster, or should I say DEMON.
Here’s the info of him not liking being touched.
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I’d also like you guys to keep in mind that Vivzie has stated that none of the characters have split personalities, proving Al knows EXACTLY what he's doing.
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It’s all them but some have a DUALITY to them. As hinted at by the word "dual" within it, duality refers to having two parts, often(but not always) with opposite meanings, like the duality of good and evil. If there are two sides to a coin, metaphorically speaking, there's a duality. Notice how Alastor also has a duality in him. What kind tho? Remember those shadows that follow him everywhere? Yeah I'm pretty sure those shadows represents his duality in some way, shape, or form.
I also forgot to add that Masochism and Sadism both ALSO stem from the same things Narcissism does or similar things like being sexually abused as a kid. Remember not all cases are the same, I just wanted to put that out there (Not sure If Al is still a Masochist since that’s old info from him being just a deer and liked it when people tried to kill him.)
So in conclusion:
-Dude was possibly abused as a child by his Father
-he hates society/the world due to his terrible child life
-He possibly feels shame for what he has done and thus has accepted his fate
-He loves his mama and MOST LIKELY hates his father who probs is the one who did him a terrible service for just being his father growing up, this would explain his view on men as well
-He also feels shame for being so weak to even allow his father or any male figure to do what they did to him
-Man gets turned on when seeing people like sinners suffer.
KEEP. IN. MIND. None of this excuses his terrible behavior and excuses for being so power-hungry, He’s an interesting character and I love his quirks but he is by no means a victim without faults. He is a product of society and that’s sad but he needs to pay for his horrible actions. Cannibalism is going to far, using you and your victim’s blood for voodoo isn’t excusable, and just killing someone for the sake of vengeance won’t make the pain go away, so nothing he does that involves harming people is cute or a way to suppress his anger, which he’ll have to learn the hard way in this story, I bet. Hopefully, it’s done well cause he’s still very much a bad guy regardless of the fact that he is aiding charlie.
WHEW, that was a long post, one of my longest ones! I really wanted to write out my thoughts on this character cause I’m ALWAYS intrigued by the mystery characters like him withhold. They tend to have hints to their behavior and it was really fun traveling through the possibilities of his nature. I’m probably 100% wrong about all of what I said since I am still not sure about everything and I researched as much as I could. I wouldn’t have had such an easy time if it wasn’t for @dollymoon and their amazing efforts to inform the community, y’all crazy but y’all dedicated so respect. I am not part of the community so I wouldn’t have been able to pinpoint all the info and more. So this is my piece on Alastor the Radio Demon, a.k.a dude who looks like he’s taken ecstasy. 
P.S
-Why is this man wearing a torn up and ragged jacket when he can easily make himself a better freaking jacket? The man wore a one that was fresh as hell during his reprise, so what gives?! and why in God’s name is his damn teeth yellow? How you gonna say “You're never fully dressed without a smile” but got on one of the dirtiest smiles I’ve ever freaking seen? I'd rather not smile and be strong than to wear my clothes at its dirtiest(his smile I mean). Ain’t no way in the fresh hell would I invite an edgy radioman, who I know does voodoo, into my damn house, I am too black/Haitian for that bull.
-Y’all finna tell me why y’all falling for a man who canonically has stank breathe...?
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At least clean his damn teeth and give him a mint first, D A M N people!
again, thank you very much @dollymoon
but yeah, that’s my theory y’all, hope you enjoy and sorry for the constant repetition in here! DISSECTION OVER. . .
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radiotransmissions · 5 years ago
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Gib us the forbidden 5 hour radiodust rant pls
Well here it is as requested, my Magnum Opus of Protective!Al RadioDust headcanons. I hope these are at least vaguely enjoyable to you, I’m so sorry for how long it is in advance. My writing is very prosey and over dramatic because I like my words. Enjoy!
* When Alastor first starts hanging around the hotel, he doesn’t want anything directly to do with Angel. The spider demon was way too touchy for his liking and he hated the almost constant sexual comments. But all that being said, he was still very intrigued with Angel because of how little fear he felt around Alastor and how nonchalantly he talked to him compared to the rest of the staff. Angel didn’t quite seem to know about his reputation and that was fascinating to him rather than annoying.
* Due to this interest, Alastor has his shadow start to follow Angel any time he leaves the hotel. When what started out as following Angel out of curiosity turned into secretively protecting him, Alastor couldn’t say. Maybe it was the comments his shadow heard Valentino make about the hotel and what he thought about it, the very rare fear picked up from Angel during those conversations. Maybe it was the less than favorable idea of losing such a wonderful source of entertainment. Whatever the case, he was going to make sure this spider stayed out of harm’s way.
* Alastor starts becoming annoyed when Angel hasn’t come back to the hotel at a certain time. Maybe Angel’s work was running a little late, or he was out with Cherri, either way Alastor starts finding that he can’t lay down comfortably at night knowing that he’s not back at the hotel. Either he waits up chatting with Husk until Angel comes back, or Alastor will physically go out and drag him back to the hotel. Angel doesn’t really understand why this is happening. And to be fair neither does Alastor.
* When Angel picks up on the kind of humor Alastor does like, he gets really good at it and Alastor finds himself genuinely laughing more than he has in a while when they talk. Alastor’s shadow comfortably entwines itself with Angel’s as they talk and there’s no power in all of Hell that could harm Angel in that moment, who was under the absolute and full protection of the Radio Demon, whether said Radio Demon was aware of it or not.
* If Angel ever seems agitated or upset, Alastor will make a “purring” white noise to relax him and gently hum a song from Angel’s time. He learns how to cook different Italian specialties and learns which ones Angel prefers, especially the ones that seem to cheer him up. Angel doesn’t think he’s ever been more in love with someone when he starts picking up on everything Alastor seems to be doing for him lately.
* Valentino is absolutely not allowed to take a single step inside the hotel’s walls. Alastor tends to man the front door, and the rare times he isn’t you better believe he’s set up wards and boundaries to prevent access by anyone he doesn’t approve of entering. Valentino had come looking for Angel more than once and Alastor had the great pleasure of being the one to slam the door in his face or scare him away with his true form. If Angel wasn’t at the hotel that particular day Alastor would immediately send his shadow after him to make sure he stayed unharmed.
* Alastor finds himself... angry? Yes angry was the word for it. When Angel comes back to the hotel injured, most often after helping Cherri with a smaller scale turf war. (They just couldn’t seem to leave Sir Pentious alone.) He didn’t quite understand the anger because as demons they had extraordinary regenerative capabilities, Angel wasn’t nearly in any danger of disappearing or being sent to “Double Hell” as he liked to call it. And Alastor wasn’t sure if he was angry at Angel or whoever had injured him. Maybe both? In any case, he would give Angel the silent treatment as he bandaged him up and silently fumed under his smile, to which Angel always gave an apologetic laugh and teased him for caring more than he let on. Which Alastor conceded was very much true at this point. Angel would then make a comment on how “cute” his agitated twitching ears were, and Alastor found he couldn’t muster the energy to be upset over that.
* Alastor would never admit it but he secretly has some concerns that if Valentino ever got in league with Vox, or another Overlord of his caliber, he wouldn’t be able to fully protect the hotel and its inhabitants (one inhabitant in particular). After realizing how much he’s started caring about Angel he dedicates a good portion of his days to working with his magic to strengthen it, just in case something of the sort did happen. He starts using his magic more frequently for smaller things to constantly hone his control over it, his shadow more active than it had been in quite some time.
* Alastor starts finding that his shadow will drift to Angel without him consciously meaning it to, curling protectively around the spider demon to Angel’s great amusement. Alastor can’t find it in him to be genuinely upset, despite this being the first time since manifesting in Hell that his shadow hasn’t been completely obedient to him.
* Alastor would absolutely deny it if anyone asked him, hell he was still mostly in denial himself, but he starts becoming almost... afraid of the idea of redemption. Angel along with the few demons who had stuck with the hotel thus far had definitely started to make strides towards becoming better versions of themselves, and he hated, oh he absolutely hated how that made him afraid. What was he to do when they all started leaving? What was he to do when Angel left? He despised even thinking about that, so without really meaning to he tries to stunt the progress Angel had been making. Oh Sir Pentious is in the area, shall we go give him a run for his money? There’s a new club open in town, doesn’t that sound exciting? He hates even more the slight guilt that comes with that.
* Alastor always makes sure to place a massive amount of defenses around the hotel during Exterminations. In years past, before the hotel, he would just retreat to his Radio Tower since it’s isolated and not usually a target for extermination, but he feels responsible now for keeping the hotel safe. He always makes sure to gather everyone (starting with a certain spider demon) at least 24 hours before so he has time to set up boundaries and whatnot. Nobody is allowed to leave his sight for the duration of the Extermination and he would always place himself directly in front of Angel just in case something did go wrong and they had to fight to get away. It was always an extremely tense and sleepless 48 hours.
* Alastor was never one for pets, even when he was alive. Didn’t spare time for them, didn’t care for them. When he found out about Fat Nuggets he really didn’t care at all about the pig, honestly found it kind of annoying even though it seemed to like following him around quite a bit. Angel absolutely enabled that kind of behavior because he thought it was the most endearing thing ever. Eventually, as Alastor starts to care about Angel more he starts paying more attention to Fat Nuggets and honestly does start to like the pig. His shadow loved playing with it from time to time and would regularly follow it around to make sure none of the other residents had any ill intentions towards the pig.
* Angel absolutely catches Alastor holding Fat Nuggets in his sleep at least once and he literally melts on the spot because god that’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen.
* Alastor will revert to French if he’s complimenting Angel or really saying anything nice to him because he finds it entertaining how much it bothers Angel to not know what he’s saying. He very much enjoys being able to express how he feels about Angel without anyone around understanding a single thing he’s saying, and he’s able to be more openly possessive with his words than he otherwise would be.(Angel absolutely starts picking up on a few words though, “cher” being a favorite of Alastor’s and in turn the first word Angel learns the meaning of.)
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kathyprior4200 · 5 years ago
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Behind the Innocent Mask
(Evil Niffty AU)
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 With a snap of Alastor’s fingers, a fire blazed to life with a whoosh in a small circular fireplace. A dark figure fell into the flames, the head poking out and one dark claw resting on the side. He Radio Demon walked over and picked up the figure with his hand. A large yellow eyeball opened up, taking in the curious faces of Angel, Charlie, and Vaggie.
With a poof and a squeak, the smoke and ash cleared and the demon was revealed.
“This little darling is Niffty!” Alastor introduced before letting go. She landed on her feet. The short cyclops demon wore a bright pink 50’s dress with three white polka dots near the top and a poodle off to the right. Her arms and legs were stick thin. Her short hair was fiery magenta with one portion of it yellow. Like other demons, her teeth were razor sharp.
“Hi! I’m Niffty!” she greeted with a wave. “It’s nice to meet you! It’s been a while since I’ve made new friends! Her pupil grew smaller and darted in circles.
“Why are you all women?” she asked. “Have any men here?! I’m sorry, that’s rude,” she added quickly.
She briefly picked up Charlie, while Vaggie angrily pointed her spear at her. Angel flinched back in surprise. Due to his feminine appearance, Niffty thought Angel was a woman.
She darted behind an overturned couch. “Oh man, this place is filthy!” she exclaimed. She lifted up a couch cushion and spotted a spider dangling from a string of web. She chomped on the spider and continued talking. “It really needs a ladies’ touch, which is weird, because you’re all ladies, no offence.”
She rushed toward stained glass windows with a dust ruffle.
“Oh my gosh, this is awful! No, no, no…” She darted around, removing cobwebs. She ran forward and poked at a piece of cloth with a sewing needle, then continued to clean the room. Alastor grinned in amusement and wondered away while the others stared in disbelief.
The blue piece of cloth which looked like a bug was, in fact, one of many Voodoo like critters that Alastor summoned. Or, in this case, he had stabbed it with a sewing needle before Niffty picked it up and delightfully gobbled it down before continuing her work. It was Alastor’s ways of rewarding her for both being polite and being a source of entertainment.
Later on, Niffty had finished tidying up the room. She walked into the lobby and happened to find Alastor pulling Vaggie and Charlie close and remarking, “This is going to be very entertaining!” Pricks of jealousy stabbed through her mind. Ever the hopeless romantic, Niffty had an obsession with men for as long as she could remember. In her life as a human, she had fantasized about meeting the love of her life and going on various adventures with him. But working as a maid and chimney cleaner to make ends meet in America wasn’t particularly ideal. There were the additional problems of discrimination against women and the Japanese. Indeed, the Pearl Harbor military strike happened in her human lifetime, traumatizing her and her family for many months. If that wasn’t enough, Niffty had been molested by her conservative uncle. That event became one of her angst-filled poem themes she kept in her hot pink notebook.
Things went from bad to worse, when as a young teen, she died in a house fire, after a bad incident while serving an upper class European-American family. It occurred in the 1950s.
Niffty soon ended up in Hell, but could only witness events while living in fire. Fortunately, Hell was full of fire and brimstone, so the servant demon could wonder around. From afar, she admired all the powerful overlords, eventually working for Alastor after he charmed her and offered her a deal. To gain a physical body and meet new friends, assist the Radio Demon. She eagerly accepted.
 Sewing, cooking, cleaning, reading and writing were Niffty’s favorite hobbies. She did all of them when she was a human and still enjoyed them in Hell. Additionally, she could speak some Japanese.
  When Niffty was cleaning the room, she could see concern in the eyes of Vaggie, Angel, and Charlie. She figured that they weren’t used to seeing a demon so hyperactive, with strokes of a chaotic nature thrown in. (With being summoned by Alastor several times, she was bound to pick up a few of his traits).
 Niffty watched from a distance as Alastor changed Charlie’s outfit and shoved Vaggie aside. She briefly looked down at her dress and admired the poodle design. Every time Alastor looked at it, disgust would reach his red eyes, but Niffty also sensed some deeper discomfort. It was amusing during the few times when he let his guard down like that.
 Back when she was human, short with black hair, Niffty would often slip into other characters to practice her acting. Dressing up and “being” other characters was a fun experience, and practical, too. In her spare time as a human, Niffty would sew costumes for herself and even play instruments such as the piano, harmonica, and saxophone.
In many ways, she was similar to Alastor; almost always smiling, energetic, enjoying the thrill of theater. It was so easy for Niffty to get immersed in the realm of fantasy and romance.
 After all, fantasies were better than hell-filled lives of low self-esteem and self-doubt.
 Even now, Niffty was putting on a happy face after dusting off the old grandfather clock in the corner. (It always seemed to stay dirty no matter how hard she tried to clean it). With more demon guests supposedly arriving, she would have to prepare some meals soon. Cooking was fun most of the time, but being pressured to serve fast without any form of gratitude from customers, was tiresome.
 Although Niffty wouldn’t admit it to anyone, she had an awareness of the social structure of Hell, based on her observations hidden within flames. When putting her mind to it, Niffty could be quite manipulative. In fact, she wasn’t hesitant to concoct plans by herself for her own ends. It gave her something to think about while her hands were busy.
When Niffty was cleaning the room, she could see concern in the eyes of Vaggie, Angel, and Charlie. She figured that they weren’t used to seeing a demon so hyperactive, with strokes of a chaotic nature thrown in. (With being summoned by Alastor several times, she was bound to pick up a few of his traits).
  As Alastor sang his reprise, Niffty happily looked at her new outfit conjured by Alastor’s magic: a black and pink dress with a round hat with daisies on the top. Alastor pulled the residents into a hug as Voodoo spirits appeared from the darkness. Niffty admired the show, briefly wishing she had powers like that.
There was a quote that Alastor used that stuck with her: “The world is a stage, and a stage is a world of entertainment.”
If only she could create that worldly stage for herself.
 Alastor kicked a skull away and Niffty rushed to clean up the pieces with a broom and dustpan. A boom rattled the hotel and blew out the windows. Niffty, mesmerized, soon witnessed a door flying straight into her face. Knocked back by the force, she knew that no human could survive that.
Niffty soon appeared outside with the rest of the group, watching as Sir Pentious arrived with his blimp. She watched with a small smile on her face as Alastor wrapped the blimp with black tentacles and causing everything to explode.
“Well, I’m starved!” Alastor exclaimed to the shocked group. “Who wants some jambalaya?”
Niffty darted around Alastor, a big smile on her face. Despite resenting being ordered around by him, she still blushed whenever she got close to him. She skipped up to the hotel with the others, imagining what Alastor’s soft red and black hair would feel like in her dainty hands.
 Niffty headed to the kitchen to prepare jambalaya for the group. She was used to making this New Orleans cuisine for Alastor several times a week when she was summoned. (It did get pretty boring in the fire.)
Niffty poured a tablespoon of oil in a frypan and then cut up slices of chicken and sausage. She removed the tails from shrimp and used another cutting board to chop green onions. Stirring in the tomatoes, meat, and vegetables, she added all the hot sauces: hot pepper, Cajun, and Worcestershire.
Finally, she added rice, chicken broth and the shrimp on top. Before long, she brought out five hot steaming plates for the group at the bar. Husk was drinking the remainder of his booze on his stool, still pouting at not being able to win his prizes. Vaggie looked around at the bar in disgust, clearly appalled that alcohol wasn’t going to be removed from the hotel. Angel Dust lounged on a pool table, drinking a Shirley Temple in a glass while sucking on a straw. Charlie was chatting with Vaggie about new plans for the hotel.
“Oh, this is exciting!” she smiled. “Now that we have a maid and a person to welcome the guests, I’d say things are looking even better.”
Husk scoffed. “Fuck that bullshit. Thanks to that talk show clown over there…” he mentioned to Alastor leaning smugly against a nearby wall… “…I’m stuck here doing a stupid charity job. If I had my bets, I’d say I’ll go insane spending several more hours here.”
“Oh don’t be such a sourpuss,” Charlie said. “Alastor said you’d make a great addition to the hotel.”
“Stuff your mockery, princess. You know how annoying and deceitful he is. I’d fare better being chased by hellhounds than being stuck here with him.”
“Just give him a chance, Husk,” Charlie said. “You’ll see that even the most sinful among us can be redeemed.”
Husk rolled his eyes. “With your singing and cheer? Good luck with that.”
Charlie glared at the cat demon, Vaggie holding her back.
“I, for, one, welcome our new Hazbin overlord,” Angel remarked, from the pool table. “He’s classy and has those cute furry ears…”
Vaggie stomped over to Angel and grabbed him by the collar. “Don’t let him hear you say that!” she hissed. “You’ll be vaporized in an instant.”
“Geez, calm your tits, Vag,” he replied, backing up and hopping off the table. “Though his eyes and smile are kinda creepy. I wonder how it would feel for him to make work of me with those claws of his…”
He sighed in content and sucked his straw again.
“Fuck you,” she spat in revulsion. “You have a messed up death wish.”
“You mean, a double death wish?” he asked with a laugh. “Double Hell, here I come!”
Vaggie growled and stormed back to the bar table.
Niffty came into the room, holding up the plates of food.
“Ah Niffty!” Alastor exclaimed, moving from the wall. “What perfect timing! Jambalaya, just how I like it.”
Niffty placed the plates in front of the five individuals. Another plate of dead voodoo looking rats appeared off to the side, Niffty eagerly gobbling them down, much to the shock of Vaggie, Angel, Charlie, and Husk. Alastor winked at her, causing the maid to blush, a rat tail hanging from her mouth. She slurped it up and ran off with a nervous giggle.
“Such a sweet little darling, isn’t she?” he mentioned. Charlie smiled nervously while the others remained silent.
“Well, dig in everybody! This food won’t eat itself. Unless you’d like me to demonstrate…”
He wiggled his fingers while Husk, Vaggie, and Charlie rapidly shook their heads.
“Aww, come on,” Angel murmured, almost to himself. “It’s been a while since I’ve watched vore…”
“I’m gonna be sick and I haven’t eaten yet,” Vaggie groaned. Husk, too, was picky about the mesh up of food in front of him. Charlie, and Angel, however, dug in in delight. Angel ate with four hands.
“Oh, Alastor! This stuff is marvelous,” Charlie exclaimed. “So spicy and full of flavor. I haven’t had spicy food like this in a while.”
Alastor laughed. “It’s my mother’s special recipe. She made it so well, it almost blew her straight into Hell. Ah, memories of times so swell. I figured you’d like it. A charming belle, eager to try new things.”
“Rhyming asshole,” Husk scoffed, staring at his empty green bottle.
Angel sat on a bar stool with his tongue hanging out, red from the heat of the sauces. His eyes were shining.
“Wha…what are you doing now?” Vaggie asked, arms crossed, eyes narrowed.
“The tingling feeling of the heat, seeping into my taste buds. Fantastic. I’d love more of this from that musical strawberry pimp.”
“Angel!” Vaggie seethed under her breath.
Angel shrugged. “What? That’s what he looks like to me.”
Vaggie tentatively tried a taste of it, as if it were spiked with poison.
“Not too bad…” she began. Then the heat of the sauces kicked in.
She swore in Spanish under her breath then rushed off for some water.
Alastor was already almost finished with his meal. “It can be pretty intense for some people.”
Vaggie came back and glared at Alastor. “Are you trying to kill us?”
“Did you not hear what I said earlier, dear? If I wanted to hurt you all, you wouldn’t be here right now.”
“How do I know you won’t try to kill us in the future, huh?” she asked, pointing her weapon.
“You know it’s rude to have weapons present at dinner,” he added.
“What? You afraid of this or something?” she continued, holding it out.
“Vaggie!” Charlie called, lowering her friend’s arm. “There no need to get into a fight like this. Alastor’s been nice to us so far. At the very least, he’s trying his best.”
“Trying his best?!” Vaggie asked. “He’s nothing but a talk-show pervert lord.”
Charlie turned to Vaggie and thought for a moment. “Are you jealous that I danced with Alastor?”
“No!”
An awkward silence.
“We were just having fun,” Charlie said. “It was his way of livening things up for the Happy Hotel. You were more than welcome to join us.”
“I’d rather fall from grace again than dance with that son of a bitch.”
“Wait…” Angel Dust asked. “What do you mean by ‘falling again’?”
Vaggie paused. “None of your business!” she snapped.
Niffty sat in the corner, giggling at their confrontation. Oh how she loved seeing people embarrassed when their dark secrets and thoughts came out.
 “You girls done?” Alastor asked. He wiped his mouth with a napkin.
“Yes,” Charlie said, taking a deep breath.
“I’m out,” Husk muttered, heading toward the back to search for more booze. After stumbling, he heaved and vomited the contents out. Then he groaned and promptly passed out on the floor.
Charlie gasped, hands covering her mouth. Angel stared in shock. Vaggie face-palmed with an “oh, no.” Alastor turned his head backwards to look at the giggling Niffty. He tilted his head and Niffty’s giggles fell flat. Without a word, she rushed over and helped Husk onto a nearby couch before cleaning up the mess.
“Well, that was a satisfying supper!” said Alastor breaking the silence. He got up and held out his arm to Charlie. “Now, how about you give me a tour of your hotel and I can provide you guys with some entertaining dad jokes?”
“How wonderful. I’d love that,” Charlie replied. She turned to Vaggie. “I just want to make sure that my friend is okay.” She looked at Vaggie with concern.
“I’m fine, Charlie,” she said with a sigh. Charlie looped her arm with Alastor’s and held out her hand to Vaggie. Reluctantly, Vaggie took it and the group headed off down the hall.
“Say,” Alastor said as they walked. “The graveyard’s getting overcrowded, don’t you think?”
“What?” asked Angel.
“What graveyard?” asked Vaggie, her eyebrows raised. She shuddered at the thought of Alastor posing in a graveyard of his murder victims.
“You know, the one where people are just dying to get in. Hahaha!”
“Oh, I get it! Good one, Al!” said Charlie.
“Ha ha,” Angel said with sarcasm. They arrived in a larger room with tables and a stage off to the side. Alastor turned to shadow, then materialized in front of the microphone.
“Uh, nobody asked for this,” Vaggie said. Charlie, Angel, Niffty, and Vaggie took their seats.
“Let’s just see how it goes,” said Charlie. “Jokes will surely remind demons of the good things in life.”
“Besides drugs?”
“Yes, Angel.”
“Besides dancing in the nude?”
“Yes, Angel.”
“Besides steamy sex?”
Charlie sighed in frustration as Angel laughed.
 Alastor tapped the microphone. “Testing, testing, is this thing on?” The mic made a screeching sound that made the viewers cover their ears.
“Apologies for that,” he said. He chuckled and summoned a black tentacle from the ground. It tossed the metal microphone to the side before vanishing. His own vintage microphone appeared in front of him.
“Thankfully mine always works.”
“You ready?” Alastor asked, speaking into it. The microphone came to life, and the being inside it rolled his eye.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
He cleared his throat as a spotlight shone on him. “Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?”
“Yeah, what about him?” Angel asked in a bored voice.
“He won the no-bell prize! Ahhahaha!”
Charlie smiled. Niffty said “ha…ha…ha…” bored too.
“What did the buck say to his traveling doe? ‘Come home soon, dear.’”
“Yeah, you’d know all about deer, wouldn’t you?” Angel remarked. Charlie laughed, and even Vaggie let out a small smile.
“Hey, Charlie,” said Alastor.
“Yes?” she asked with a faint blush.
“Can February march?”
“I don’t know. Can it?”
“No, but April may!”
Charlie broke into fits of laughter.
“This is torture,” Vaggie said.
“Boo! Get off the stage!” Angel called.
“How many more jokes do we need?” asked Alastor.
“Zero!” booed Angel.
“Well, I was going to make a joke about paper, but no, it’s tear-ible!”
“Uh, god damn it,” Vaggie groaned. “I’m glad Husk doesn’t have to witness this.”
“What’s a demon’s favorite dessert?”
“Your mom!” yelled Angel.
“No, it’s actually devil’s food cake. Hahaha!”
Charlie giggled some more. “The hotel residents will love these!”
“Yeah, sure,” Niffty deadpanned, walking away.
“Hey Vaggie?” Alastor asked.
“What?!”
“Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”
Vaggie’s eyes went wide, her face beet red. “Why…you…”
“Don’t worry, crawling up from Hell hurts like hell!”
“Why not have the best of both worlds?” Charlie asked. “I’d love to visit Heaven someday.”
“Foreshadowing…” Angel said in a stupor.
 Niffty smiled sinisterly in a dark corner. Her plan was coming into motion.
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dontasktheradiodemon · 4 years ago
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Toiletries and Territory
Telly @usedhearts notices that Alastor's been gradually stocking Telly’s bathroom with a full stock of Alastor’s own toiletries, Alastor explains that it’s convenient since he’s been spending so much time on Telly’s ship, and Telly accepts this; but it makes him wonder where exactly it is Alastor lives? Telly’s never seen his place.
And, well, you see—Alastor is extremely ashamed of the answer.
Sir Pentious
He'd just been going about his normal morning routine-- brushing his teeth, oiling his hood, etc-- when he happened to glance at the second sink. There, surrounding it, were quite a few more toiletries than Telly remembered being there last.
Curious, he slithered over, picking up a couple to look at. Hair gel and other such products-- these weren't his....Hm.
"Alastor? What's all this?" He called, hoping his partner-in-crime could hear him all the way in the kitchen.
Alastor
“What’s all what?” Alastor jogged in from the kitchen—in his pants but still wearing his undershirt—carrying a saucepan with a floating fire underneath it. He looked around the sink and then asked, puzzled, “My hair stuff?”
Sir Pentious
Telly took a moment to glance at the pan and floating fire-- why hadn't he just left a shade in charge of it while he came over? Nevermind. He shook his head and set down the two products he'd been holding.
"Yes. There's just a lot of it-- where did it all come from? I hadn't noticed it all here before."
Alastor
It’s delicate! Right now the sauce is mostly butter and flour! He’s got to monitor it so it doesn’t burn.
“Oh! Well, I thought—you know, since I’m over so much—” (at this point, nearly every night) “—it would be more convenient if I had some basic toiletries here so I don’t have to leave to get ready.” He nudged Telly lightly. “Like the toothbrush you got me!” He beamed. He’s still as giddy over Telly getting him a toothbrush as if he’d been given a new car. “Does it take too much space? I’ve seen these little waterproof baskets people put their toiletries in to move them around the bathroom, I could get one to keep mine contained.”
Sir Pentious
He grinned too, at Alastor's beaming, and gave him just a little hip nudge back-- he didn't want to ruin the sauce, after all.
"Oh no, my hart, it's fine. I was just curious! This second sink is yours to do with as you wish, and I'm more than happy to have your things around it. Just don't mind if the Eggs organize it from time to time, they _are_ the ones that are in charge of keeping things tidy, after all."
He leaned down to kiss his cheek. And then a thought occurred to him.
"Say, what about your own place? Is having this all being over here going to make it troublesome when you don't sleep here?"
Alastor
*My hart.* His heart fluttered every time he heard that. “That’s fine, as long as they leave everything up top. If they start sticking my things in cabinets I’ll never find them again.”
He shook his head at the question of his own place. “Oh, no, no no, not a problem! If I need some supply I don’t have a duplicate of, I can just reach through to grab it! It’s more or less what I was doing here before I moved my toiletries, anyway.” He got up on the tips of his hooves to peck Telly’s cheek. “I’ve got to get back to the kitchen, I need to toss the stock and wine in.” Off he went!
Sir Pentious
Telly nodded, smiling at the kiss. He touched his cheek after, heart aflutter. So odd how a tiny little thing like that could still send his heart humming like the first time they kissed. He adored it.
He followed after, slithering into his seat at the table to watch Alastor cook. A thought swirled through his mind, abstract as he pondered idly, until it finally coalesced.
"Alastor, love, where do you live? We've spent every night together here, and while I certainly don't mind that, I'm just wondering....Are you just very private about it, like Leclerq is? If so, then, I won't push! But a snake begins to wonder...."
Alastor
He froze in the middle of adjusting the heat on the stove, his blood running cold. “Oh,” he said awkwardly. He forced himself to turn the dial and resume stirring. “It’s—nowhere remarkable, really. Certainly no stupendous flying airship.”
Sir Pentious
"Is it one of the radio towers? I know that Kyxs lives in the one Leclerq gave to him." He idly trailed a pattern with his clawtip on the table.
"You know, I don't mind if it's not fancy or anything. I've been in plenty of....non-fancy places before...."
Alastor
“No! No, I’ve—I’ve never understood the sense of that, a Radio Demon with a radio tower. I *am* a radio tower, why would I need another? It’s—it’s like a seven-foot-tall man in a nine-foot-tall room wearing a pair of stilts. Not that I begrudge my alternates their towers, if it makes them happy then more power to them, but...” A shrug.
Sir Pentious
"I see. Do you stay at the hotel, then?" His head tilted, and he leaned against his hand.
Alastor
“God no! Can you *imagine,* living full time in a *hotel?*” He laughed humorlessly. “I’ll give a pass to guests who have officially signed up for the whole redemption project, silly as it is—but *me?* No! No.”
Sir Pentious
Telly frowned, his brow furrowing. His eyes squinted and he put his elbows on the table, setting his chin on his folded hands.
"An apartment then? Or do you have a house in the Cannibal Colony?"
Alastor
“N... mm.” He was silent for a few seconds as he started up another sauce in a second saucepan. “I’m—between places—at the moment.”
Sir Pentious
"Between--" His face fell slack and he let out a little 'oh'.
"Alastor, do you....not _have_ a place to live?"
Alastor
His shoulders stiffened. He wished he could just lie. Lying to anyone else was easy. “I don’t want you to think I’m out on the street, now! I have...” vague gesture, “... places. Just not a... a primary... you know.”
Sir Pentious
"You have no home." He said it so frankly, and almost immediately regretted the way he phrased it.
"Though, who of us can say we have a home in Hell of all places, yes? It's Hell after all! Ha....hm...." He deflated after his attempted levity, and looked away.
"I'm sorry...."
Alastor
He flinched at the accusation with a noise like a branch snapping; he had to quickly check his sauce pans to make sure the sound was him instead of breakfast.
“I don’t need pity. Don’t think I *can’t*—I mean, I’m the *Radio Demon,* if I *wanted* I could snatch up any property in the ring. But I just—I don’t—I don’t... I don’t see a point in it.”
He snatched up one of the eggs he’d left on the nearby counter and cracked it into a bowl. The egg shell shattered and crumbled into the bowl. Under his breath, he muttered, “I’m going to ruin my hollandaise sauce.”
Sir Pentious
"Oh, I wasn't-- I was apologizing for my poor attempt at humor. Not...Not pitying you." He slid from his seat and slithered closer to Alastor, gently putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Why do you see no point in it?" He asked, as he moved next to him, reaching to start gently plucking eggshell from the bowl. It seemed the least he could do to help...
Alastor
He flinched away from the touch, avoiding looking at Telly. “Well—well, you said it, who can say we have a home in Hell.” It was a stupid excuse. Most people had a home in Hell. He gestured across the counter. “I’ll... I’m going to need that tomato sliced. About this thick.” He held his fingertips about half an inch apart. “And then salt, pepper, and Parmesan them. Please.”
Sir Pentious
The instructions momentarily derailed his thoughts, as he tried to make sure to remember how thickly Alastor said to slice the tomatoes. He could do that, right? Surely he could. He got a knife and began to very, very carefully slice them.
"So, do you just....hop from place to place, then? Never found a place you liked enough to stick around?"
Alastor
“More or less,” he said, with a tone that implied it was closer to “less” than “more.”
Sir Pentious
Telly made a small noise, finishing with the tomatoes. He seasoned them as Alastor instructed and set them on a plate for whatever he was using them for.
"...You don't like talking about this, do you?"
Alastor
“Who wants to sound like a homeless bum.” He’d managed to crack a few eggs successfully. Back to the stove. “That’s—that’s not the sort of family I come from, I’ll have you know. *Both* sides of my family. We didn’t rent our homes, we *owned* them. I couldn’t do that in New York, but I was never behind on rent, not once. Even through the Depression, I kept a good job! But here I am in Hell—with more power than any sinner has walked through the gate with—and...”
He trailed off. Then opened the stove, picked up the plate of tomatoes, slid them in, and shut it. “I—It’s never been a priority. That’s all. I’m busy.”
Sir Pentious
"I can understand busy. But usually, I am busy in one spot. Or the spot moves with me. Or I have multiple spots that I can hop around to. I'm just....well, I suppose I'm just curious why, that's all. I just want to understand."
He watched him put the tomatoes into the oven-- hm, interesting. "Is there anything else you want me to help with for breakfast, darling?"
Alastor
Alastor sighed. “It’s never been a priority,” he repeated, shrugging awkwardly.
But he had to do better than that or Telly would just *stay* curious. “When I got down here, it was... you know, it was fun, for a while, not being tied down anywhere. Knowing I could knock on almost any door and they’d let me in for the night. It wasn’t like I had many possessions. *Can’t take it with you* and all that. And I learned pretty quickly how to stow it on another plane and carry it with me...” *Carry it with me,* like he really was just a hobo with all his worldly possessions on his back. A flush crept up his neck. “Anyway—and then I started doing jobs with your alternate, and—well, when you’re going back and forth across the ring, here one day and there the next, hopping between different hotels every night—who has time to put down roots anywhere? Why buy a house you’ll see once every two months? And after that...”
After that? After that?
Another awkward shrug. “I... never had a good reason to.”
Something else for Telly to do. “Could you toast a couple of sliced biscuits?”
Sir Pentious
He nodded, getting the biscuits out. He sliced them and then stuck them in the toaster oven to heat.
"I see." He crossed his arms, leaning back against the counter. "Darling, there's nothing to be ashamed of. It all seems reasonable to me. It does make me sad, but only because I care about you and thinking about you not having a place to call home is, well, saddening. And I'm sorry you never had a reason to stick around anywhere in that sense."
Telly moved closer and leaned down to press a soft kiss to his cheek. "I think that's enough of stressful questions for this morning....let's have breakfast, yes?"
Alastor
A vague nod. Nobody said *there’s nothing to be ashamed of* unless there was. “It’ll be a few more minutes. I’ve got to get the bacon, too.”
Sir Pentious
"Alright, darling." He took the biscuits out of the toaster over and set them aside for him.
Alastor
He was silent the next few minutes as he finished the bacon, then piled everything on the biscuits.
“Eggs Hussarde,” he said, setting a plate in front of Telly with less than his usual proud chef fanfare. “Eggs Benedict with a *marchand de vin* sauce, basically.” He plopped down in front of his own plate.
Sir Pentious
"Oh. It sounds delicious," He said, picking up his fork and knife, taking a bite. He made an appreciative noise. "Thank you, darling."
Alastor
A nod. He took a couple bites to check for taste. He hadn’t ruined the sauce after all.
“... You’ve always lived in your airship down here, haven’t you?”
Sir Pentious
"Here. Other places when here was.....out of commission, or it was too dangerous." Read: When his airship had been completely destroyed.
"I used to have safe houses for times like that but most are in disrepair now."
Alastor
Alastor grimaced. Safe houses. “After my alternate abandoned you?”
Sir Pentious
"I abandoned a number after that, yes. There were ones he didn't know about, I kept those. And stayed in one for a good while, whilst building a new ship from scratch." He sighed a bit and took another bite, swallowing before he continued.
"It was a....rough few years, after he failed me."
Alastor
A nod, staring down at his plate. “... I still stay in them sometimes. The empty ones.”
Sir Pentious
"....Oh." He suddenly wondered how many of his own old safe houses overlapped with those of his alternate. He didn't know if he _truly_ wanted to know or not.
"Over there or over here?"
Alastor
“Over there. My universe. They’re abandoned property; there’s no reason I couldn’t just take over one and call it mine. Clean out the mold and mildew, get the lights back on...” He shrugged. “I haven’t, though. I just watch them crumble.”
Sir Pentious
"I....see." He finished his breakfast-- he wasn't scarfing them down like a starved man anymore, but his eating was still far from slow.
"Was it out of guilt? That he might reclaim them sometime?"
Alastor
“Maybe guilt,” he said, although not convincingly. “I certainly didn’t think he’d reclaim them. I knew where they were, he’d never go back to them.”
Sir Pentious
"....Longing, perhaps, then." He dabbed at his mouth with his napkin before setting it on his plate.
"Well, once I get some of mine fixed up, you're as welcome there as you are here, darling."
Alastor
“Perhaps,” he said, also not convincingly. He picked at his food a moment longer.
“I’m bored easily,” he finally said—convincingly this time, but in a way that suggested maybe “bored” meant something else. “I’ve always got to—go somewhere new, do something new. I think maybe if I’d gone home to the same walls every night for fifty years, I would have blown my brains out on them.”
Sir Pentious
Telly opened his mouth, and then shut it. He slid out of his seat, slithering over to Alastor. He set his hand on his arm, stroking his thumb there.
He didn't know what to say to that, so he did what he could: try to show he cared and understood, at least a little.
Alastor
He didn’t meet Telly’s gaze, but he put his hand over Telly’s. “Maybe that’s it.” A shrug. “... Sorry for spoiling breakfast.”
Sir Pentious
"You didn't spoil anything." He pressed his forehead to the side of Alastor's head, and sighed softly. "I'm glad we can have these kinds of talks. Even if it....hurts to talk about. I'm glad that we can do it."
Alastor
“Mmh.” Alastor shut his eyes and leaned into the touch. “I... don’t usually think about it this much.”
Sir Pentious
"Sometimes, one needs to think about these things. Not all the time, certainly, but every now and then." He pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"Were you going to finish eating, or did you lose your appetite? Do you want me to make you some coffee?"
Alastor
Alastor squeezed Telly’s hand and gave him a wan smile. “Thank you.”
He glanced at his food. That was *his* food. He picked up his fork again. “If you wouldn’t mind starting the coffee.”
Sir Pentious
He smiled back, giving him another cheek kiss. "Of course. Did you want to try one of the new ones I picked up, or did you want your super duper caffeine one?"
Alastor
“New ones?” You have his attention, sir.
Sir Pentious
"Yes! I've got...." Hold on he needed to get them from the cupboard. There's three brand new bags.
"One with hints of cocoa and cedar with a smooth finish, one that's a sumatra blend that's said to be earthy and herbal with hints of licorice, and then one that's a blend with french vanilla flavor!"
Alastor
“Ooh, the earthy one.” He scarfed down one biscuit half and got up to retrieve his French press. (Yet another thing he was now keeping at Telly’s place.)
Sir Pentious
"Earthy it is!" He left that one on the counter and put the other two back up. And then got down a coffee bean grinder.
"They're whole bean-- I find that fresh ground coffee expresses the flavor better." No, he hasn't be researching this, what gives you that idea.
Alastor
Look at his smile. Just look at it. It’s so much smile. “You know, I find the same thing.”
Sir Pentious
Telly beamed right back at him, and started grinding the coffee. "I still don't like the amount of caffeine in it, but the flavors have been growing on me."
He passed the ground coffee over to Alastor.
Alastor
Hold on. Hold on a second, he’s gotta hold Telly. Just give him like, fifteen seconds of hugging.
Sir Pentious
Oh, alright, they're hugging now. He purred, his arms wrapping around Alastor. This is good, this is nice, he likes this.
Alastor
Okay. He’s got his dose of hugging. For now. He can let go.
He took the ground coffee over to his French press. “Do you know what I thought to myself when you got me this thing?” He tapped a nail on the side.
Sir Pentious
"No, what did you think?" He smiled, feeling warm from all that hugging. He did very much like hugging Alastor.
Alastor
He loaded the press with the coffee and then (magically instantly boiling) tap water. “I thought, ‘good God, what a gift! And he hardly knows me! Why, the only reason he’s lavishing me in gifts is because I’m nice to him. But in a couple months he’s going to figure out just how much I really like him, and then he’s never going to speak to me again.’” He gave Telly a wry smile.
Sir Pentious
Telly laughed, smiling back.
"Do you know what I was thinking when I gave that to you?" He slid closer, reaching to stroke his knuckles down Alastor's cheek.
"I was thinking how nice it was talking with you, and that maybe, if I gave you gifts, you'd stick around." He gave a soft laugh. "Little did I know that I hardly have to ply you with gifts to get you to keep coming back."
He leaned down to kiss him. "Must say it was one of the best decisions of my death."
Alastor
Alastor burst out laughing, just in time to be caught in a kiss. “All that coffee you got! If you’d known, you could have saved a fortune!” He slung his arms around Telly again. “I’m glad you didn’t. I like my press.”
Sir Pentious
"Indeed I could have. But here we are, with my first present to you now serving to make you coffee after spending the latest of many nights with your snake. I wouldn't have it any other way." He purred, pulling him close. He wanted to hold him now.
Alastor
“*Second* gift.” Without letting go of Telly, he summoned his clockwork zebra into one hand, and lifted it up to hold it over Telly’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, either.”
Sir Pentious
"Oh, yes. I forgot whether I gave that to you before or after the press." He smiled fondly, reaching to take the zebra. He set it on the counter, before winding it up to let it paw at the ground and snort.
"I should make you another of these...."
Alastor
“The zebra was for Christmas and the press was for my death day.” He watched the zebra pawing, cheek pressed to Telly’s chest. “Can I ask for a snake this time?”
Sir Pentious
Telly chuckled and stroked a hand over Alastor's hair. "Yes, I think that would be more than fine."
He hissed a laugh.
Alastor
He shut his eyes, focusing on the hand on his hair. “Thank you. Again.”
Sir Pentious
"Of course. Anything for you." He said it so softly, so tenderly, before leaning down to kiss Alastor's temple.
Alastor
God, it felt so good. He could almost cry. “And for you. All of Hell and Heaven.”
Sir Pentious
"It's a deal." He grinned and tucked his hand under Alastor's chin. Telly tilted it up and kissed him, deep and slow.
Alastor
Alastor pressed into the kiss. It was a deal, then.
This was the closest he’d felt to being home in a long time.
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petitprincess1 · 5 years ago
Text
Good Evening Ch5 (It’s a Deal Then?)
AO3 Link Summary: Charlie and Vaggie talk about Al’s proposition, more questions about this permanently smiling man arise, and Angelo get texts from an associate of Valentino. Words: 1,787 Sorry for any typos, been sneezing all day and don’t have the energy. ~~~ Charlie walked up the stairs and through where she a door still open to a random floor. She went around the corridors, hearing Vaggie speaking to the guest that stole some alcohol. The blonde girl was expecting to see her lover arguing with the thief, but when she rounded the corner and peeked into the room, she saw Vaggie simply explaining the rules of the hotel. The guest seemed ashamed and desperate for the vodka. 
The goth girl gave a small sigh as she looked around the room, trying to find something to pour it into. Vaggie grabbed a glass nearby, went into the bathroom, and poured a little bit of cold water from the faucet. She came back with the glass and told them, “Give me the bottle.”
The guest hugged the bottle close to their chest for a few seconds, glanced at the alcohol, back at Vaggie, and then sighed as they handed the bottle to her. The sex worker uncorked the bottle and poured a bit of the vodka into the cold water, watching it fill up. She handed the half-water and half-vodka to the guest, making the guest take the glass with a slightly grateful look. Vaggie gave them a small nod before leaving out the room, causing Charlie to quickly move away from the door. The goth girl walked out the room, closed the door, and then jumped at the sound of someone squealing.
Vaggie quickly turned the person in apprehension and raised the bottle to smack them with, just to immediately calm down at seeing Charlie. The mayor’s daughter was rocking on her heels with a large grin on her face and looked as if her eyes were sparkling. The silver-haired girl turned her head and asked, hiding a blush, “Wh-What? I’m not that hard-hearted.”
“I’m just…so happy to see you showing your soft side!!” Charlie exclaimed in such joy, prancing a bit in place. Seeing her apple dumpling so excited made Vaggie blush a bit more and tried to hide behind her hair a bit, while asking, “D-Did you c-come see me fo-or a reas-son?”
Charlie then swiftly went serious as she pressed her fingers together and explained, “Oh! Right, uh, well, Al suggested- well…more like asserted that he wants to help run the Happy Hotel with us, which you know, but he also is cooking for us. I don’t know why and I don’t know what to say. Vaggie, what if he holds what I did against me? What if-”
Vaggie tried to calm her by saying, “Listen to me, Charlie, we don’t know what he’ll do. So…I guess we will go along with whatever it is that he has planned, but just set some parameters. Keep him away from these people as much as possible, okay? We don’t know how dangerous he is.”
Charlie took a deep breath and nodded, “Yeah, yeah, I guess you’re right. What’s the worst that could come from-” before she could finish, there was the sound of what seemed like very muffled yelling coming from downstairs. The two gave each other concerned stares before running off down the hall to get to the stairs.
Angelo looked at what was going on with the three in the room, watching Niffty yell up at Husk for breaking plates, while the old man glared vehemently at Alastor, who was just casually humming as he placed the large pot on the stove. The younger man shifted a bit in place and repeated, “So, do ya two know each other or…?”
Husk yelled at Angelo, “What made you realize that, smartass!? I’m always havin’ to clean up this shitbags mess! No matter what it is that I’m doin’ or where I am, I gotta come to help this fuckin’ clown!”
Angelo looked at Al to see his reaction and the man was just stirring around the pot gumbo, making it seem like he wasn’t paying attention. The porn star hummed, raising an eyebrow at Husk and smirking, “So, ya two are fuckin’ then?”
Alastor suddenly stopped stirring and shouted, “Ha! No.”
Husker agreed, “Fuck no. I’d rather stick my dick down a garbage disposal and turn it on than the inside that dumbass.”
“Oh, I hope that you use protection, Husker,” Al joked, giving a quiet chuckle and grinning widely. This just made Angelo even confused, since neither of the two specified how they met one another or what they did with one another. He was about to ask what it was, but Niffty ended up shoving a broom and dustpan into his arms. She huffed, “Less talking and more cleaning!”
The small girl shoved Angelo towards the broken ceramic and then went to make the rice. The fluffy haired man huffed as he began to sweep up the shattered plate. As he was doing this, Charlie and Vaggie came sprinting into the kitchen. Charlie took a few deep breaths and then asked anyone, “We…heard shouting…what’s…going on?”
Alastor shrugged his shoulders and chuckled, wrapping an arm around Husk and pulling him down to rub his cheek against his, “Nothing more, but a tearful reunion, doll!”
Husk grumbled as he pushed Al away and left out of the kitchen, going to possibly drink and pretend to give a shit about his job. Charlie decided to question that later as she looked back at the creole and announced, “By the way, Al, I’ve thought about your proposal.”
Alastor stopped stirring, placed a lid on the pot- making Niffty sigh at the heavenly, savory smell of the gumbo being taken away -and turned to the blonde-haired girl. He grinned and hummed, showing that he was waiting for her to continue. Charlie went on, “Alright, so, you’re sketchy as fuck and you wishing to run this hotel because of boredom is…odd. However, we don’t have a lot of staff members and you being on the radio could offer great promotion for the hotel. So, I am taking your offer, on the condition there’ll be no tricks or twists attached.”
Al held out his hand and smiled, “So, it’s a dea-”
Vaggie quickly added, “However, you cannot stay at this hotel. This is meant for those going through rehab and…despite some problems, you appear to be mentally sound.”
The creole’s smile seemed to lessen just slightly as he hummed, “Well, I already have brought my possessions with me. It seems rather rude to turn me away, don’t you think? After me helping you…”
Niffty chimed as she stirred the gumbo and paid attention to the boiling rice, “It does seem weird, since he’s making this meal for us.”
While that also made sense, Charlie, Vaggie, and Angelo knew exactly what “help” that the man was actually referring to. Angelo then suddenly jumped up from cleaning up the shards of plate and suggested, “Well, uh, I got someplace ya can hang out in, at least for right now.”
Charlie cleared her throat and also said, “I…can also, maybe, ask my parents if you can stay over, but that also may take some time…and convincing.”
Alastor’s smile became more sincere as he walked over to Angelo and Charlie, wrapping his arms around the two and hugging them. He jovially said, “My goodness! Such fantastic people you are! I cannot wait to get to know you both over time! Now,” he then grabbed Angelo and practically ordered, “come along, my friend. You need to show me to this new keen abode of yours.”
Angelo clarified as he got dragged off, “Well, it ain’t really mine and…uh…” he trailed off when he saw Niffty drain the rice and then taste the gumbo. It immediately made his stomach turn when Charlie and Vaggie go over to the pot. The thought of the eye just floating around in the thick stew. He shouted, mostly to the girls “Hey, uh, maybe we should stay! Don’t want your food ta-”
Niffty assured Angelo, which only made him more stressed, “Don’t worry, Angie! We’ll save you some after we serve the guests!”
Angelo wanted to say more, but he was yanked out the door by a way too excited Al, who called out to the three girls, “Make sure to properly season that gumbo, you lovely tomatoes!”
The last thing the two heard was Vaggie questioning as to why they were called tomatoes.
When Angelo were outside, Al looked him up and down and mumbled, “First, we need to change your outfit.”
Angelo, despite feeling nauseous, flirted, “Why? Afraid ya gonna fall for temptation~?” ~~~ Angelo sat in the seat, looking grumpy, since he was forced to change into a white dress shirt, dark dress pants, pink suspenders, and a pink and gold bowtie. He absolutely hated this outfit, mostly because he was sure how Al procured this outfit. Alastor just said that he won it in a fair game…whatever that meant.
However, Angelo was also busy texting someone he labeled as “man with crazy clown bitch”, who was asking where Valentino was and demanding answers from him. Angelo just texted back:
Angelo: Listen, Voxxie, I’m dealing with family business. Ya know how serious my dad is about family and ya don’t wanna fuck with that, right? Just give me like an hour. I’ll be there.
Crazy-bitch-having-man: Make it 20. You hardly have the power to call the shots here, sweetheart.
Angelo huffed as he slid down the car seat and rubbed at his temples, not knowing what to say or do. Alastor glanced at Angelo and asked him as he parked in front of a small house, “Are you alright, ethel?”
The mob-child shrugged his shoulders as he mumbled, “Yeah, it’s alright. I can handle this shit.”
The creole looked at him again and grinned, “I can be quite persuasive, cher. …Are you sure?”
Angelo flinched at Al’s voice slightly dropping a bit in pitch and making him slightly tremble, but it definitely wasn’t only in fear. The two then jumped when the car window got tapped on quite loudly. Al rolled down the window and saw black, long-haired man, who Angelo knew immediately. He grinned, “Hey, Pen.”
Pentious stared at Alastor and then smirked, “Well, well, well, if it isn’t smarmy nutter with the ladylike chap! It’s quite nice to see you again, Alastor. Still yakking in your fancy-shmancy radio tower and having a good ol wank at hearing your repulsive voice?”
Once again, Angelo was feeling uncomfortable at how many people Alastor knew and, apparently and possibly, fucked over. He was expecting the creole to say something sarcastic or be oddly kind like he was to Husk. Instead, Alastor just asked with a giant grin, “Do I know you?”
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