#but I still am. I am and I am and I'm hurting. so bad.

[konigsblog]

I, personally, hate the r@pe things you write.

I feel very strongly about SA and I know my feelings aren't your priority. I used to read your stuff a lot then actually ended up blocking you, but I decided to unblock you for this message.

I know a lot of people use this as a coping mechanism if they ARE victims, but hey, to each their own. You can't save everybody.

I just don't fuck with it. It's not my forte, but I know, deep down, you're not a bad person. Your brain just doesn't completely function. I, myself, have weird fantasies about military men and serial killers, but only about one's from shows, movies, or basically anyone fictional. I, myself, am extremely weird and I think I have a few mental disorders but I haven't gotten tested.

The things you write are vial, disgusting, and down right crazy, but hey, I used to fantasize about r@pe and honestly can't even imagine myself fantasizing about being violated now. I guess I've healed in a way or whatever, but I'm still into rough play and knives and such.

What im trying to say is, I feel for you and don't like your stuff at the same time. Nobody with a normal functioning, properly working brain is into what your into. It's just plain wrong. But that doesn't mean you're bad. You're just...mentally unput. Or, that's my assumption from first hand experience.

I just feel like your brain is messed up. Not in a quirky " I'm so twisted⛓️" way, but there's actually something wrong in there. Like, you're actually missin' a few dozen screws.

I have awful intrusive thoughts about hurting, killing, and/or fornicating with them and I hate this because it's a mental battle that honestly makes me wanna commit, which is why I feel so strongly about r@pe, especially as someone who gets catcalled a lot, and I am in dangerous situations often.

R@pe is worse than murder in my opinion because you can't hurt once you're done and dead, but being a survivor is an actual psychological battle that's torture, and torture is ALSO worse than murder.

I'm glad to know you don't actually support real SA and have some actual boundaries unlike the tons of idiots that I've blocked that do. Most of them have never even come close to experiencing SA, or just plain don't care.

I just think you feel this way because an actual issue with your brain. I don't mean this hatefully, even though I hate what you write. But that's just my analysis. But I am curious to know what made you this way.

you're a disgusting piece of shit, you don't know me, and let's keep it that way

[genericpuff]

(You can delete this ask if it makes you uncomfortable) Do you think I should give up on my dream of being a webcomic artist? It's been what I'd been wanting to for years yet from what I'm hearing, it's hard to get money and an audience and that the mainstream webcomic hosting platforms don't treat their creators well. It doesn't help that while my art is decent, I don't really know how to create webcomics beyond like really short 4-5 panel comics even though I'd been drawing for many years. There's also the issue of my ADHD making it difficult to commit to stuff but then again at least that can be hopefully fixed once I get medicated. So, now the career of a webcomic artist sounds like a pipe dream at best. Is it worth pursuing, even if I don't make much money with it?

"Do you think I should give up on my dream of being a webcomic artist?"

And this isn't just for you, anon, this is for everyone who follows my nonsense here.

Yes, it's hard to build an audience.

It's even harder to make money.

You should still make webcomics if you really want to do it.

The only practical piece of advice I can give you from the perspective of someone who's been doing this for years is to manage your expectations. Because that's the biggest mistake a lot of webcomic artists make (and I too, made this mistake) they go into it setting the bar that it HAS to result in them making a living off it, getting famous off it, etc. when that's unfortunately only the reality for the 1% who get lucky or have an advantage that the other 99% don't have. And then, of course, failing to meet those ridiculously high expectations makes the fall hurt that much harder if you fail, especially with odds like that stacked against you. That's not to say you shouldn't set a bar for yourself, but you have to set it in a place that's reasonable. Especially if you're an artist with ADHD (same, mood), we have a REAL bad habit of setting the bar unreasonably high for ourselves when we're still learning and getting our feet wet (it's why we're always taking on new hobbies after getting inspired by musicians or crafters and then getting immediately discouraged when we're not suddenly able to do the thing with that same amount of skill).

Set the bar in a reasonable place with reasonable expectations, and then when you MEET that bar, you'll have even more motivation and confidence to aim higher. What won't give you confidence is setting the bar alongside the pros who have been at this for years, because not only will it take way too long to hit that for you to see results, you might give up before you even come close because of how far away the bar is.

A career as a webcomic artist is about as guaranteed as making a career out of Youtube. But being a webcomic artist, period? You can do it. Anyone can do it. I'm still doing it in spite of everything. Like, I cannot even fully express to you just how much of what I do here is the culmination of a long list of failures. My art, my writing, the stuff I do here is built on the corpses of my failures. But those failures were still important, they had to happen to make me into the person and artist I am today. That person is STILL making mistakes, and that artist is STILL not rich LOL Failure is scary, but fear of failure is the true killer of joy and growth.

Do not tie the merit of being a webcomic artist to how much money you can (or can't) make out of it. Just like with starting a Youtube channel, you shouldn't go into it expecting money and fame right out the gate, but there are equal amounts of joy and experience you can gain by doing it. There's a reason people say you have to do it out of love and passion first because ultimately that's all you'll have to keep carrying you through if and when you fail to meet your goals. You don't have to be sure if you'll still want to do it a year from now or five years from now, none of that matters. If you want to do it now, then do it.

Make your 4-5 panel comics if that's what you enjoy doing. Make whatever tickles your fancy. Acknowledge your fears and doubts, thank them for their opinion, and do it anyways. "What if it ends up being a waste of time?" The time will pass anyways. Worst case, at least you'll be able to say you did it. That's better than never trying and regretting it in the end.

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

Tattooed

A/N: A Dean Drabble requested by @wings-of-a-raven to help me write... SOMETHING. Thank you for the prompt baby, ILY

W/C: More than the 200 words requested, but less than 500

@kazosa @lovealways-j @deanwinchesterswitch

Summary: Dean takes you to get ink

“Sweetheart, I promise you, it’s not going to hurt.”

“Doubtful,” you muttered as you looked out the passenger window of the Impala, watching the buildings slowly going by on Main Street.

Dean pondered your response and cleared his throat. “Alright, well… it won’t hurt as bad as a demon using you as a meat suit.”

You turned and gave him a rueful glare before looking back out the window as Dean maneuvered his baby into an empty spot in front of the neon sign that flashed “TATTOOS”.

“Besides, I don’t know why you’re acting so afraid of a little pinch. I’ve seen you get tossed across the room half a dozen times. Watched your bones break and still pulled off beheading a vamp. Hell, last month alone I sewed you up at least five times, and you didn’t flinch. Once.”

“I know… this is just… different.”

Dean turned off the Impala while his gaze continued straight ahead. “That’s crap. There’s a reason you’re scared and I wanna know why.” He turned to look at you. When you didn’t acknowledge him, he gently took your chin between his fingers and guided your face so you would be looking at him. “C’mon, I thought we were past all this and that you trusted us. Trusted me.”

“I do trust you, Dean. This just feels so permanent.”

Dean snorted a laugh and sighed. “Well, yeah. Tattoos are pretty permanent.”

“No… I mean getting this tattoo is a permanent link to hunting; to living this crazy ass life that I don’t know if I am ready to live. Also,” you paused, knowing the ridicule you were about to endure, “I hate needles, a lot.”

"C'mon, I promise you everything will be okay. And ya know, if you ARE in pain afterwards, I have plenty of ways to keep you distracted." Dean paused, a devilish smirk on his lips.

That smile–there was no way you could resist it. You slid closer to him, your fingers lightly stroking the back of his neck and your lips hovering close to his. "Would you even do that thing I love?" You asked softly, raising a seductive brow. 

"God yes."

"Okay," you whispered, then kissed him tenderly. "Let's get this over with so we can get home and you can take care of me."

You glided your hand down his arm, and to the top of his thigh. Just the hint of of what was to come made his jeans snug.

"Heh, yeah… um, why don't you head on in. I'm gonna need a minute."

Unable to hide your amusement, you got out of the car, paused, and bent down to say one last thing before closing the door.

"Just for the record, I'm scared to death of this life, but it's worth every second, long as I do it with you."

With that, you closed the car door and headed in, ready to be branded a hunter for life.

[ihave-atummyache]

pretty when u cry

Kim Seungmin One Shot

summary: you’re just as bad as him, if not worse. he just didn’t realize it

NSFW!!!! 18++ contains smut!

2.2k words

TOXIC TOXIC TOXIC IM SORRY I CANT STOP

this is purely inspire by that one clip of seungmin crying at a concert and he looked so pretty and he had on that cute little hat. i hope u guys know what im talking abt. he looked so pretty i just kendjskslsmd

also this may or may not be based on. a true story of my life😔

"You're still fucking him?" Your best friend's voice is laced with surprise and you can't help the chuckle that falls from your lips.

"I am. I can't help it! He's just too cute," you look up from your phone to your friend who just shakes her head.

"Aren't you fucking his roommate?"

"Psh," you wave your hand dismissively before locking your phone and placing it face down on the table, "What he doesn't know won't hurt him," you close your eyes and let your head fall back onto the back of the couch.

"Besides, I like to imagine I'm his karma for the way that he treated all these girls, y'know?" you chuckle again and your friend joins in on the laughs.

"But the real question is, who's the better fuck?" you let your best friend's words float through the air for a little before you answer.

"Kim Seungmin, no questions. Jeongin is just... gentle. He's a lover and you can tell. Seungmin fucks and that's all I'm asking for, honestly. You can definitely tell he has the experience," You open your eyes and nudge your best friends's ribs, "Maybe you should take him for a ride. You know, dust those cobwebs off and get some play," you tease your friend and she lets out a loud laugh.

"Unfortunately, he isn't really my type. His friend however..." she trails off and you roll your eyes. Her crush just seems to be evolving more and more.

"Just tell Minho you want to fuck. I'm starting to get sexually frustrated on your behalf," you deadpan but before she can reply, your phone vibrates on the table and you flip it over, a text from Seungmin lighting up the screen.

KSM: u busy?

"Welp," you slap your hands on both of your knees and stand, "Duty calls, bestie. You can either stay and get traumatized for life or you can head home-"

"I never want to hear you have sex again,” she pauses dramatically, placing a hand over her chest, and sliding her jacket on, “I will never be the same," she replies, a disgusted look on her face, before she stands and grabs her bag.

"Text Minho. You have one less roommate to worry about interrupting you two finally breaking this crazy sexual tension," you tease and she rolls her eyes before you both say your goodbyes and she slips out the door. You unlock your phone as you lock the front door.

no. come over?

He reads the message almost instantly and you chuckle to yourself before rushing toward your bedroom.

KSM: already on the way, princess.

You smile at the nickname before typing a quick response and then hopping into the shower.

taking a shower. let yourself in

A few minutes into your shower, you hear your front door open and shut and the footsteps that you have learned to quickly recognize. The bathroom door opens and shuts gently. You open your eyes and turn your head to the side, making out the silhouette of Seungmin through the glass door.

You can see him removing his clothes before the shower door slides open, revealing him in all his lean glory. Despite him being a bit thinner, he muscles are extremely defined and he's obviously packing (as most skinny men are).

"Boo." he jokes, pretending to scare you, and steps into the shower in front of you.

"Ah, so scary," you reply sarcastically, pulling your fingers from your wet hair to wrap around his neck. His arms automatically wrap around your waist, pulling your chest flush to his.

He leans in and closes the distance between you two, the moisture from your lips transferring to his and you quickly part your lips, letting his tongue into your mouth.

He parts from the kiss, his lips trailing down your wet neck. He knows exactly where to kiss, bite, and suck to have you writhing but he also manages to never leave a mark.

Your head falls back, the water from the shower trickling onto your face as you watch into his touch. Seungmin pushes you against the wall so his body is under the stream instead before disconnecting from your neck and looking you in the eyes again.

"You're no good for me," Seungmin's voice is husky and his hand trails up your body before it reaches your chin then he places his fingertips gently against your lips, pulling them apart before he dips his middle and ring finger into your mouth, pushing against your tongue.

"I don't know why I want you so bad," he murmurs as you lock eyes with him. He pulls his fingers from your mouth before letting them trail down your body and he presses against your clit, gently rubbing the nerves.

He knows exactly how to get you worked up and have you teetering on the edge of an orgasm and never lets you forget it. He truly knows your body like the back of his hand.

The sound of a phone ringing echoes through the bathroom but neither of you care as you squeeze your eyes shut. Suddenly he grabs one of your thighs, hiking your leg up with his free hand before plunging two fingers into you.

"Fuck, Minnie," you moan out and he chuckles at the irony of the cute nickname despite the position you're in right now.

"That's right, princess. I'm making you feel so good. I know exactly how to touch you, better than anyone else," his voice is croaky as his finger speed up inside of you.

"F-fuck me. Seungmin, please. Fuck me," you start babbling and it doesn't take more than that for his control to snap. He pulls his fingers out of you and turns you around, pushing your chest against the cold shower tiles.

You let out a gasp at the cold against your warm skin and then another when you feel the head of his cock prodding at your entrance. He pushes in completely in one motion and your knees buckle inwards at the intrusion.

The burn feels so good and you can't stop the squeal that leaves your lips as he starts to pound into you. He doesn't give you any time to adjust before he is absolutely ruining your pussy.

The sound of a phone ringing echoes through the bathroom again and he groans out in frustration at the noise. It's obscuring your pretty moans and it's starting to piss him off.

"Who keeps fucking calling you?" his voice is filled with annoyance as his fingers dig harder into your hips. One of his hands gently trails up your back, making goosebumps rise across your spine before he grips your shoulder, pulling you slightly off the wall.

He has full control of your body and you honestly don’t mind at the moment. When his hand unexpectedly meets your ass, with a loud slap. Your eyes snap open and you let out an obscene noise, your moans and the sound of your skin meeting echoes through the shower.

“I asked you something. Who keeps calling you? Any guesses?” he keeps pounding into you and you shake your head as your orgasm approaches much faster than anticipated.

“T-touch me. I’m gonna c-cum,” you beg and demand in the same breath and he chuckles behind you, his hand reaching around your hip and rubbing at your clit, exactly how you like it.

“Then cum, slut. I’m not stopping you,” his voice is loud, demanding your attention but just as you clench around him, he stills.

“…or maybe I am. Can you tell me who you think is calling you back to back?” his voice is in your ear now, pushing his cock deeper into you and the denial of your orgasm sends tears down your face.

“I-I don’t know. M-maybe my best friend? Sh-she just left. She might’ve left something. I don’t know…” you trail off when he starts to fuck into you again and rub at your clit.

“I’ll let you keep thinking of who it could be while you cum,” he sounds annoyed that the two of you were interrupted until it finally dawns on you.

You were supposed to meet with Jeongin tonight…

That’s probably who keeps calling you. Before you can truly process the information, you’re crashing over the edge of your orgasm, mind going blank as you moan out.

“Fuck, Jeongin,” it leaves your mouth and honestly, you don’t even realize it.

But Seungmin does. Seungmin hears the name of his best friend leave your lips while he’s balls deep in you and he immediately stops.He pulls out of you and much to your surprise steps out of the shower.

As your fuzzy brain begins to clear you start to get confused. Did he cum? You reach behind you and touch the skin of your lower back but you don’t feel any evidence of him finishing. Just to be safe, you push a finger into yourself before pulling it out. He didn’t accidentally cum in you. What the hell?

He also isn’t usually one to just let you come down from the clouds by yourself. He usually helps you relax and some how convinces you to go another round every time.

“Seungmin?” you call out and reach forward, shutting off the shower. You look out the glass door that he left open and you see him leaning against the sink, eyes focused down, a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Seungmin? What’s wrong?” You grab the towel from beside the shower and wrap it around your body. You reach forward and he physically recoils from your touch when your fingertips graze his arm.

“Unlock your phone.” he demands and you blink at him a few times, taken aback at his unexpected tone. You cross your arms over your chest and glance down at your phone on the counter.

“No. What’s gotten into you?” you reach for your phone but he grabs it before you can get to it and taps the screen before turning it towards you.

4 missed calls and 6 unread messages.

“So? We both heard it ringing. Why is it a big deal?” you try to defend yourself and reach for your phone but your legs are still wobbly from the sex the two of you just had and he’s much quicker than you, walking out of the bathroom.

You follow him into your bedroom as he stands in the middle, staring down at your locked phone.

“Who is ‘J’?” Oh. He wasn’t upset about the amount of texts and calls, he was upset about who he thought it was. You gulp, you knew this would come eventually but you have not prepared yourself for this.

“It doesn’t matter,” you reply, walking towards your dresser and pulling out a pair of sleep shorts and an old oversized shirt, “Besides, it’s not like it has anything to do with you,” you shrug, pulling the shirt over your head.

“It does fucking matter when it’s my best friend, y/n. I’m not fucking playing with you right now. Is this Jeongin?” His voice raises at you and you freeze. He isn’t yelling but it’s a much louder tone than you have ever heard from him.

“Seungmin I-”

“You just moaned his name while I was fucking you. Do you even realize that?” He closes the gap between you, shoving your phone into your chest before turning around and running his hand through his damp hair.

“What the fuck. What the fuck. What. The. Fuck,” he groans out before he slams his hand down on your vanity, making all your makeup fall over and making you jump.

Oh.

Oh, you fucked up this time.

“Why am I so fucking stupid?” he turns towards you agains and thats when you see it, his eyes are glassed over as they lock onto yours. Is he about to cry?

“I thought I could fucking change you, y/n. I thought…” he pauses, gulping, before continuing, “I thought that you could catch the same feelings for me that I have for you. How could I be so fucking clueless?” His voice cracks and the first tear rolls down his cheek before he turns away from you and sits on the edge of your bed, his head in his hands.

You slowly walk towards him, standing between his open legs and prying his hands from his face. You gently grasp his chin, tilting his face up to look at you.

Fuck.

He looks so fucking pretty.

The tears on his face, his red nose and lips, his glassy eyes and that look on his face. In this moment, you’ve never seen someone who looks more like a puppy.

“You’re so fucking pretty,” you whisper out and his puppy dog eyes seem to just get bigger at your words. You place one leg on either side of his thighs, straddling him. You let your hands trail down his still bare chest.

“So pretty…” you whisper again before leaning in and pressing your lips against his and he immediately kisses you back.

How did you manage to make the biggest player that you’ve ever met fall for you? How did you beat him at his own game? How do you have him wrapped around your little finger?

[grox]

I dont even know how to say this but I think I love my job. Like I am under the belief that I landed an actual good job. Coworkers are fun and nice and responsible, management is chill but stern where it counts, the work itsself isnt that bad, the pay is fine, same as I made at subway but I'm guaranteed a dollar raise every three months, 9 hour shifts, no pesky required 30 minute break to take 6 bucks a day out of my pocket, the work leaves me hurting but in an athletic and refreshing way never before seen, they dont micromanage inventory so I can swipe a peperoni if I want, I can bring a pizza home every day and they dont even write that shit down, the smell of the place is exciting and fun, there is a good mix of wise coworkers to advise me and unwise coworkers to play with, when I get snapped at its more of like, learn this real quick, no one harbors any genuine anger and the coworkers I dont get along with we still help eachother out, you can be on your phone sometimes, its a real restraunt not a subway so you don't even gotta deal with customers you just play papas pizzeria all day. It's awesome. Like the only bad part is the commute and that damn 5 am bedtime/1 pm mornings. But I feel like a winner. Like I thought I was a lost cause and a bumbling oaf all throughout training but these pasg few shifts I locked the fuck in and I'm like waiiiit I'm fucking good at this. Like I'm genuinely alright. Like its gonna be fine maybe unless I get fired but honestly I am keeping up with all my coworkers I no longer feel like I'm lagging behind that much

[lover-of-mine]

Okay, so, I saw this still and went crazy, so stay with me for thoughts. Or don't, I can't really tell you what to do.

Okay, so Chris is in yellow, which is a bad sign. Chris being a kid, his color palette has bright colors, but it is mostly greens, blues, and reds, mixed in with shades of grey, he kinda mirrors Eddie but in brighter shades. (I think that's cute with the way Shannon was a very bright-colored character, so he has the hue of Shannon with Eddie's colors)

But he's in yellow in very specific moments, and yellow being the color Shannon died in is very interesting. When is he wearing yellow? Tsunami, skateboard incident, May's graduation party, the eddiana breakup, Eddie's breakdown, and his date in 701, he actually seems to be wearing the same jacket he's wearing on that still.

So he's in yellow in not so great situations for Eddie's mental state, that end up being parenting problems, I'm adding the graduation to the mix with how stressed Eddie is about Chris going to camp, I have a point, I promise.

But funnily enough, the resolution of these conflicts tends to involve red, Chris is wrapped in a red hoodie when Eddie finds him, Buck is wearing pink before the tsunami and both Chris and Buck are wearing red after, Carla is wearing red and Buck is wearing pink during the skateboard incident while Eddie discuss that with the adults, and Chris is wearing red when Eddie talks about it with him, Eddie is wearing maroon when Chris is on the bus leaving for camp, the eddiana breakup is muddier, but Ana is wearing red during the first panic attack, and it is what kickstarts the whole situation, Buck is wearing red when he breaks down the door during the breakdown,.

So, like, the thing that snaps Eddie out of it is red, and all of these end up being about Eddie and what's best for Christopher, the tsunami ends up being about establishing Buck as a second parental figure, and everything else could be described as parenting problems Eddie discussed with someone else, mostly Buck, to solve, the skateboard adaptation, the way he talks to the whole firefam about how he feels about Chris leaving, the breakup with Ana being tied back to the way Eddie thinks that if he does what's best for Chris, his heart will follow, and the way he leaves the job because of a comment Chris made and how that leads to the chain of events that triggers Eddie's breakdown.

And the thing with Chris in 701 hasn't really been solved, but it is all coming out with red involved in the whole situation, Chris' jacket has red in it and Eddie himself is wearing red, and that's interesting because it could be that Chris himself is gonna snap Eddie out of it, but Eddie is already halfway there by himself. BUT these are all situations that include some serious emotional distress and/or physical injures, the tsunami, Chris falling off the skateboard, the panic attacks, Eddie completely falling apart, and considering Buck being around in the other stills, this could be a bad sign for all three of them because these are all situation were one of them have gotten hurt in some way. I personally think Chris will ask to go with his grandparents, but the thing is, we saw the Diaz parents with Chris in the hospital in other behind the scene stuff, and considering the s4 parallels, and the way they like to mirror Eddie and Bobby, there's a chance they are going to be in the hospital for Eddie, Buck, Chris or any combination of the three and I am TERRIFIED. (Trapped dads is coming lol).

That's all for today, if you read this I love you 💜

[starlightshadowsworld]

Eyes of an Idealist

(Or teenage Kunikida gets in trouble and Fukuzawa is here to bring him home.)

"Did they bring you here to lecture me too? Well save it, I've heard enough." Came the teens angered words as Fukuzawa stepped into the room.

The officer at the door moved to walk in but Fukuzawa dismissed him with a look. Angry as he may be Kunikida was not dangerous.

Unless he was provoked which that officer definitely would have done.

Fukuzawa sat in the provided chair, eyeing the bars of the cell with distaste. He didn't like this set up, not in the slightest.

Oh sure he understood the reasoning.

But that didn't mean anything to him. All Fukuzawa wanted was to bring his boy home. 'He's got to be cold being in here for so long' he wondered.

Maybe he could pass him his jacket?

"No one bought me here. Ranpo heard what happened and told me." Replied Fukuzawa, relief flooding his veins when he heard shuffling from a dark corner.

Even though Fukuzawa couldn't see him, he knew he had the teens attention.

"Ranpo? Is he alright?"

Just like that his anger was put on pause. Nevermind that Ranpo hadn't even been in the area when the fight had broke out.

The fight in question being at a student protest Kunikida was attending.

One that resulted in a fellow student being hurt by an officer. Kunikida had seen red, launched himself at the officer and... Well here we are.

How Ranpo knew what happened was something Fukuzawa didn't question. It was best not to when it came to Ranpo.

He was just relieved Ranpo had called for help instead of getting involved. Who knows what trouble Kunikida would be in if Ranpo had gotten hurt.

"He's alright, completly unharmed. As is your fellow student.." Reassured Fukuzawa, he smiled a little. "Ranpo said you'd ask that first."

That earned him a chuckle, albeit a pained one. It only fueled Fukuzawa's resolve to get him out of here. "He's worried, as am I. The officer said you refused medical care, were you hurt?"

The Presidents voice was it's usual calm, if tinged with worry. He hadn't been happy hearing the news, but he wouldn't let any anger slip.

Kids were a lot like cats, they needed a calm but firm hand.

Ranpo responded to anger with jokes. From light hearted to cut throat to protect himself. Katai was a runner, he would flee back to where he felt safe.

Kunikida was a lot like Yosano, both of them were fighters. But while Yosano hid behind sadistic taunts, Kunikida's rage left him vulnerable.

The youngest of the group was also the angriest one, the passionate one. He fought for any injustice, big or small that went against his ideals.

Kunikida burned like a candle at both ends. Fukuzawa had known from the moment they'd met that it would only get him hurt.

"I'm not mad" he said, quietly and calmly. "I just want to know if you're okay." Honesty also helped. It hurt knowing how much his wards had been hurt that they always assumed the worst.

After a moment, Kunikida crawled into view. He sat himself just by the bars, the dim light highlighting a black eye, the broken glasses in a still bleeding hand.

Rage flared in Fukuzawa's bones before he stamped it out, lest he scare Kunikida. 'How did they let him in here?! When he's still bleeding?'

Oh those cops were going to get an earful.

"It's not that bad" Said Kunikida defensively. "You should see the other guy." Despite himself, Fukuzawa chuckled. "I know, though this is not where I thought I'd be spending my evening."

Kunikida had the grace to look down. "I don't regret what I did. But I am sorry for wasting your time." Not for the first time did Fukuzawa feel his heart break.

He got up and knelt beside the bars, hugging Kunikida the best he could.

"You haven't wasted any of it. Do I wish you hadn't been involved in a fight? Absolutely. But you did exactly what I have always taught you to do. You fought for what you believed in, to protect others."

Fukuzawa gently ran a hand through Kunikida's hair. "I am worried because you care so much for others, you're heart is so full."

He looked at Kunikida, his son in all but blood. "But you do not save that care for yourself."

You're a light that I don't want to see fade.

Kunikida looked like he didn't know what to say. But that was okay, he could burn as bright as the stars. And Fukuzawa would be here to catch him, so would the rest of them.

That's what he'd taught them after all.

"Mr Fukuzawa, wait we still need to question that boy!" Fukuzawa leveled the officer with a glare that shut him up. "I'm taking my boy home, do you have a problem with that?"

He didn't wait for them to reply. Kunikida, now bundled in his jacket had fallen asleep from all the excitement of the day. Fukuzawa shook his head with a fond smile as he carried him back to the Agency.

Home at last.

[lucyfrostblade]

Hi! Just saw your reblog and I'm so interested in your thoughts on Fig and Kipperlilly being similar, and was wondering if you'd share?

Yes! i am always down to talk about my two favorite fantasy high characters but before we get into it, some assumptions I have made about FHJY that aren't explicit in the text but I won't necessarily be justifying here:

(under the cut)

Kipperlilly was in some form or another manipulated by porter

Kipperlilly truly cared about Lucy, and to a lesser extent the rest of her party

The biggest and most obvious similarity between the two is the anger they feel. When we first see Fig she's a deeply angry kid. She hates her mom for hiding the truth of her parentage and for wrecking their family the way she did. And while she forgives Gilear much faster than Sandra Lynn, she also starts off incredibly angry at him.

Her anger is very justified, and it's centered around the ways the adults in her life mistreated her. Sandra Lynn by hiding the fundamental truth of who she is from her for so long, and Gilear by, before the start of the series, saying that she isn't a Faeth anymore.

Our introduction to Fig is her taking that anger out on both Sandra Lynn and Gilear, and she does almost immediately see the error of her treating at least Gilear the way she does.

Brennan: You see a little tear forms in his eye and you see he says, Gilear: I know that I said some hurtful things when I first found out. Fig: Yeah, you said, “You're no longer a Faeth,” and guess what, I'm not. I'm just Fig now. Gilear: Fig, I'm sitting here with beans on my shirt. Fig: I know, I saw you ate one on the ride here. Gilear: I was hungry, all right? I've put on some weight. You ever heard of a fat elf? You ever heard of it? I've never seen a fat elf in my life and I'm here with a bad comb over and beans on my shirt. Fig: Okay, fine. Gilear: And I'm reaching out to you. Fig: I'm sorry, Gilear, I'm sorry that I got angry at you. You're just some random man, I shouldn't be mean to you.

But for almost the entire season, Fig does not forgive Sandra Lynn. She's still so angry with her that she struggles to see Sandra Lynn as a complex person right up until episode 15 "Family Fires", is unsure as to whether or not Sandra Lynn is a good person worthy of saving:

Emily: Because I am undecided on my mom. Because at first, I felt like I, oh maybe she's a good person, but now I maybe feel like she's part of this ruby plot. Brennan: Go ahead and give me an insight check. Emily: (rolls) 14. (emotional acoustic guitar music) Brennan: (sighs) Your mom has never lived up to the standard you put on her of making your life good and perfect. She never was able to protect you from all harm and suffering in the world. And maybe that's not fair. And she's probably just a person, and those photos make it look like-- Emily: She's a complex person. She's allowed to be. Brennan: Yup.

So anger, and in particular the ways it can make someone lash out, is something that Fig is intimately aware of, something that she has had to fight to control herself. The difference is that the adults in her life helped her, they supported her. Gilear, Sandra Lynn, and Gorthalax all gave her the space she needed to be angry but also helped her move past that.

Kipperlilly didn't have that. To our knowledge she only had Jawbone, someone who only knew her through Aguefort and evidently did not know how to help her in the ways she needed.

There's also the matter of Porter who, in the third episode "After the Afterlife" singles Fig out when she audits barbarian class:

Porter: Let's see what everyone else in the class, [players laugh] what do other people, what do other people kind of think? Like young lady, what do you think about rage? Fig: What do I think about rage? Porter: What do you think about it? Fig: [sighs] Well, I kind of think it's inevitable, 'cause, I mean, like, people really let you down left and right. Porter: Yeah! Fig: So you're always gonna feel rage. It's just a matter of whether or not you use it productively or just whether or not you control it or it controls you. Brennan: A small tear forms in the corner of his eye. Porter: That's exactly right. That is exactly right. That is amazing.

He sees something in her. Porter sees the rage within her, and he encourages it. But more than that, Fig's perspective that "you control [rage] or it controls you" highlights another contrast between Fig and Kipperlilly. Fig learns to control her rage, while Kipperlilly literally gives control up to the shatterstar. But they still have that same rage, just on the opposite ends of expressing it.

We also know that Fig cares deeply about her friends, and that prior to the start of the series, her former friends abandoned her when she started to grow horns. She was alone when she came to Aguefort. She was isolated from her peers and from her family. She found the Bad Kids, and she is utterly devoted to her friends. She'll do anything for them.

But Kipperlilly? Brennan said in an interview with Caitlin Tyrrell that the Rat Grinders didn't know each other before forming the party. We don't know how the party formed really, but we know that she picked out the name the High 5 Heroes.

I think the High-Five Heroes part of it is sweet, but there's actually something even a little bit sinister to it to me, of being like, "We're the High-Five Heroes." And you're like, "You've pitched a name; we all just met. We don't have anything going yet." ( source )

He calls it sinister that she insisted on the name, but I can't see it as anything other than said. It speaks to me of a kid so desperate for friendship that she's willing to force inside jokes for just a hint of that. She doesn't want to be alone, and Fig might've put up a better act, but she didn't want to be alone at the start of Freshman Year either.

The difference is who they found. Fig got the Bad Kids, people who love and care about her. She had support from her friends and from her family. Kipperlilly was emotionally in a very similar state as Fig but with none of that support, and even had people who either couldn't support her (Jawbone) or wanted to encourage this isolation and rage (Porter).

Kipperlilly is Fig if the first day of school went different, if she ended up with people who didn't understand her like the Bad Kids did and if she couldn't get the support she needed from the adults in her life.

[trans-androgyne]

hey, thank you for having and running this blog. you're doing the equivalent of gods work.

first, i'm sorry for the amounts of jerk anons you have to deal with. you literally articulate yourself very well and clearly, and still, people will find a way to twist it or not take it seriously. it reminds me of me "arguing" with terfs back in 2022 on twitter. (shudders.)

and second, how do you deal with the constant negativity? i have found myself doomscrolling the transandrophobia tag, and, well, to no ones surprise, my mental health is down the gutter. do you have any tips to deal with it? mainly with the transandrophobia in general? it is more than exhausting existing as a (gnc & enby) trans guy atm, and it's really getting to me. the thing is, I wouldn't mind it if it were non-queer bigots, but the fact it's coming from inside the community is devastating. i am more than hurt. this intense hatred for men and masculinity, queer, trans, or not, is incomprehensible to me. it never does anything good. anyone who says "i hate all men and anything masculine" is definitely going in the "yep that's either a radfem or a radfem hatchling" box. i partially understand as to why- i had a fear of men myself when i still identified as a girl, and slipped into the "all men bad. kill" side of the internet for a short while but ONLY because of this rhetoric ("you need to be afraid because there are men outside." , "men and masculinity are inherently predatory or dangerous")- but i got out of it because i saw how fucked it was eventually (thank goodness)- but nothing should ever be an excuse to excessively hate a gender or masculinity this badly. and its mostly gender essentialist bs anyways imo, so i do not understand it at all...it reminds me of people saying men/mascs cant be asexual because it's "in their nature to be sexual"- because testosterone. its hard. i just wish we all could respect each other. you're either "one of the bad bad evil men" or "noooooo not YOU. you're AFAB!! never!! youre a girl/woman in spirit!!" from my personal experience with terfs/radfems/idiots.

anyways, sorry for invading your anon space with this long rant, but i just wanted to leave this and the question. i hope you have a nice day/night, and thank you for reporting on transandrophobia as much as you do. it's sadly very much needed right now.

Thank you so much, this is such a kind ask to receive. To be honest with you: I don’t handle my mental health very well around it </3 It’s weighed on me pretty heavily these last few months especially. The things keeping me running this blog anyway are my passion for the transmasc community and lovely anons like yourself cheering me up. When it comes to trying to manage it, the most important thing for me has been finding people I can vent to about it who will understand. I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful discord server full of awesome trans people who will talk it through with me, and that’s been a life-saver. Staying offline for a bit and trying to engage in person with people who are unlikely to be transandrophobic towards you can be a nice relief. I catch myself doomscrolling constantly too, and it doesn’t feel great. If you need to set some sort of time limit on your phone even just to remind yourself not to do it, that’s helped me before and might help you too.

Having this much hatred levied at me for my identity from my own community lately has been devastating. I completely understand you. I’ve always been vocal about supporting transfems in particular, so it really hurts to see so many turn against me for speaking up. I understand how the queer community got this way, though. Antimasculinism has been an issue in queer and feminist spaces for ages. I think people are starting to notice it more and understand why it sucks and how much it negatively affects trans men and mascs. It feels like a losing battle sometimes with how much cultural feminism — the Men Bad Women Good flavor of pop feminism — has pervaded our communities and often led to very overt radical feminism that people still can’t always recognize because they don’t know anything about TERFs outside of them hating trans women. I believe the culture will start to shift soon such that people are able to recognize sexism and gender essentialism that harms all genders, and I will be doing my part to help that happen.

[mulderscully]

i'm gonna make one final post about the nick situation and then i'm not talking about it or answering asks about it anymore.

i am so frustrated and honestly sad about all of this, and not because i do think nick dislikes rwrb or any of the other stuff. i am hurt that so many ppl are all making the fandom look so bad to the point that his team filtered the word rwrb.

you know why they filtered that word? because he is getting fucking harassed by fans. how can you possibly expect him to have positive things to post when you attack him constantly? lately his comment section is full of people calling him a homophobe or somehow accusing him of queer bait. every interview he gets PRESSED about his sexuality, which is no one's buisness but his own. every day people accuse him of hating taylor when they've both said they're close friends. you are making all this horrible shit up and expecting something positive to come from it? what is wrong with y'all? that's not how things work.

was it odd that his team didn't share a story/post about the rwrb sequel? a little bit. does it warrant his behavior, or does it warrant people saying henry should be recast or that nick was "forced" to do it? absolutely not. that's immature and childish.

making empty accounts to the degree that they can't block them all will result in a term being muted, hello!! i get a SMALL fraction of that and it drives me crazy. how must he and his team feel?

nick was still on a press tour for the idea of you when the sequel was announced. we don't know how that may or may not have affected what he was able to post about until recently. m&g was still currently airing in the us so yes he posted about that too for the finale. again, there may have been contracts here, but you all seem to think that nick sits on his phone and actually posts this stuff himself now. he has 5 million followers. he has SAID he is not online, he DOES NOT RUN THAT ACCOUNT HIMSELF. does he probably have a burner? for sure. does his team need his approval and shit? of course. but he is not your bestie on that account the same way tzp is on his because they have wildly different personalities.

i'm pissed off because rwrb is such a lovely story, it's a happy place and a story nick has said is rich and that he is proud of and you all refuse to believe him when he speaks. and that bleeds into how he sees the fandom. the fandom is turning this into an ugly thing for him and for a lot of us who want no part in this.

the sequel isn't even written yet. leave nick alone. stop asking about his sexuality with the obvious intent to out him. stop harassing him with lies about his own feelings. stop making us look bad. just stop. i'm tired and i don't want this to be ruined for all of us before we get to all the lovely things to come when the sequel actually has a press tour, has a premiere, has interviews. please let things happen in due time.

[handsoffmysquirrel]

"Real love"

(TW: Mentions of SA and cheating)

That's what he says....

Yet it really doesn't feel like he loves her the way he says he does. Even after watching these two get married, it doesn't feel as authentic as it should.

Which is why I'm giving examples of his "love" for Persephone

Starting off with the earlier examples, all Hades feels for Persephone is lust, just straight lust.

Yet two weeks after knowing her, he claims to be in love with her.

Then there's the boundary overstepping

Even in the earlier seasons, he oversteps her boundaries. She literally told him she didn't care about the photographer, she didn't care how people perceived her by this tabloid. Yet here he goes and pulls out the guy's eye in the name of "justice". Now tell me, would you go and hurt someone who hurt someone else you're infatuated by under the name of "justice"? Probably not (I would hope not anyways 😭). What really gets me is how he did this for Persephone, but you would have never seen him do this for Minthe despite the fact that THEY WERE DATING!!

Not only does he overstep a boundary there, but during the trial he asks Persephone about Apollo, and how he assaulted her. Persephone dodges the question as she is already completely overwhelmed by the trial, but screw that Hades just has to know!!! After a guilty feeling Persephone gives him an answer, he (almost) makes the same stupid mistake again, hurting someone who hurt her under the name of "justice". You would think after talking this issue out with her the first time he would've learned his lesson but no 💀 the mummified blueberry has to have his way. (I am in no way defending Apollo in this situation but Jesus, Hades needs to fucking chill 😭).

As mentioned earlier, Hades would never do these things for Minthe. He would have never gone and killed someone for Minthe. For someone who's his supposed girlfriend, he really does not give two shits about her. Speaking of which...

He has cheated on Minthe multiple times with Persephone with all the flirting behind her back when they were still together. All for someone he JUST MET a little after he was supposed to propose to Minthe. He was going to make Minthe his wife and drops it all for someone he just met. I'm aware he was settling when dating Minthe, but dude, dropping a huge commitment in the name of "love at first sight" is so messy. It makes you think if he really even loves the women he's dated the way he says he does 🤦🏽‍♀️.

Hades is a selfish, sloppy, perverted man when it comes to Persephone. His "love" for her is all just lust and infatuation. He fell for her so fast, and he never stopped to think if he really loves her the way he says he does. It truly shows how messy their relationship is, and how messy he is of a lover to her.

Also PSA, falling in love fast is not a bad thing, just really think about it first, get in touch with your emotions before pulling a Hades. ✌🏽

[serickswrites]

any chance for another part to it takes two? it’s one of my favorites!

I can most definitely write this for you, Anon! I have four more installments plotted (but not written after this one). I am so glad you are enjoying it. Please enjoy part 4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Warnings: captivity, torture, restraints, strangling, asphyxiation, strangulation, hanging, noose

Smallest Teammate was, in fact, not giving Whumper hell. Smallest Teammate wasn't doing anything but try to breathe through their swollen throat. "Come on, Smallest Teammate, I didn't even strangle you that bad that time," Whumper said with a smile.

"Fuck. You." Smallest Teammate rasped. It was all they could manage. It was all they could do to keep their eyes open as the world spun around them.

Whumper frowned. "I don't want to do that." They checked the coils of rope around Smallest Teammate's wrists and chest. The ropes were as tight as they were before, though Smallest Teammate had rubbed their wrists raw. "I told you to stop struggling, Smallest Teammate. I want your body pristine."

Smallest Teammate rolled their eyes. "I'm not going to," Smallest Teammate gasped for air, "stop. I. Am. Going. To. Stop. You." Smallest Teammate closed their eyes and swallowed heavily. They had spoken too much. Their chest heaved as they struggled for air.

"Then perhaps I shall give you something else to focus on."

And before Smallest Teammate could say anything, Whumper slid a noose around their neck. "Smile, Smallest Teammate, this won't hurt a bit," Whumper whispered in their ear as the rope pulled tight. "Your throat will look so pretty after this."

Smallest Teammate sputtered and choked around the rope, but they couldn't breathe. Their legs kicked out, their lungs burned, but still they couldn't breathe. As black spots overtook their vision, Smallest Teammate realized that Team Leader might not find them in time. The thought of Team Leader finding their body renewed Smallest Teammate's fighting spirit. They wouldn't let Team Leader find them like that. They wouldn't be the reason Team Leader broke.

Tags: @whumperfultime@pigeonwhumps@st0rmm@outlawaries@whumppuppeteer@crapimintoeverything@watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees

[itsruki]

Pain Relive

SoftDom!Husband!Kakucho x Sub!Wife!Reader

MDNI! MINORS DO NOT READ!

Masterlist:

a/n: .........took me long enough..that's all i will say.....i hate that its shorter but idk....its just like.....i personally like how it turned out.

Synopsis: Kakucho comes home to take care of his wife. you are in so much pain due to your period. he understands and makes sure you feel better

Trigger warnings: afab-reader, period sex, mentions of unprotected sex, fingering, mating press, petnames: beautiful, angel, precious, princess, good girl, baby

word count: 1633

Y/N:

       Can you bring me something when you get back from work?

Kakucho:

        Sure, what do you need?

Y/N:

       Pads, chocolate and a heating pad.

Kakucho:

       …...do you have your period?

Y/N:

       Yes…..

Kakucho:

       Oh. yeah, I will have it.

Y/N:

       TY

Once he walked through the front door, he scanned for his wife. "Y/N?" he called out for you. He walked to their shared bedroom to find you curled up in the bed, crying in pain.

"I got what you asked for." he whispered. He felt bad for you. He slowly walked up to the bed, kneeled down next to it, and petted your head. Your hair was pushed back behind your ear. "I'm sorry; beautiful..."

You sobbed as you looked into his eyes.

"It hurts so much, ´Kucho……" you whimpered. He thought for a second. His expression showed how bad he felt for you. He kissed your forehead before sliding his hand under your shirt and onto your abdomen. He held his hand there to give you some heat. He really wanted to relive some pain for you. He drew some circles on your stomach. Tears are running down your cheeks. He sighed. "...let me help you...Okay?" He looked at you with a desperate look. He wanted to make you feel better so badly. You gave him a small nod. "Do you trust me?" You nodded again. At that point, all you wanted was for it to stop. The pain was almost unbearable. 

He slowly laid you back on the bed, slowly moving down on your body. He spread your legs, kissing your thighs. 

You were lying in bed, wearing a long t-shirt and your panties, so the access was easy for him. His hands caressed your thighs gently and lovingly. With closed eyes, he rubbed his face against the inside your legs. "You feel so soft....." a mewl escaped your lips. A pink tint sneaked up on your cheeks. "Kakucho...y-you don't have to….it's gross and..-"

"Shhh. Let me take care of you. You are in so much discomfort…. I want to help...I don't mind some blood. I'm a man, not a boy."

He laid his hand flat on your covered folds and gave it some gentle rubs. A few gasps left your mouth. Your eyes hooded themselves. You were so much more sensitive than normal...his rubs were firm but still gentle. 

Fingers found Your waistband of your panties. He slowly pulled them down, not even reacting when he saw the bloody spot on the pad. He smiled softly as he looked into your eyes, his hand softly reaching out to your face, rubbing your cheek. "I will make it all better; beautiful…"

He leaned in, kissing your forehead. His left hand moved from your hip, between your legs. Gently running up and down between your folds. "You are very wet, angel….is that the blood or am I making you feel good already?" you held onto his shoulders and moaned out breathy. Your eyes squinted into thin lines. You tried so hard to keep them open, looking into his eyes. His thumb rubbed an infinity symbol on your little bundle of nerves. A mewly moan escaped your throat. "You are doing so good; precious…just let go. I will make sure you will feel good…..I can't stand seeing you in pain…." another kiss on your forehead.

You lost yourself in the eye contact you had with him. His soft, loving gaze. Those eyes, that always made you feel like the most beautiful woman on this planet. His right hand moved back to your cheek as he pressed his forehead against your own and smiled at you. "You are so beautiful...you know that, right?"

He never stopped rubbing your puffy clit as he treated you so softly.

The pain in your abdomen from earlier, replaced with butterflies and utter adoration.

You snapped back into reality when you felt his middle finger sliding inside your needy hole. "kaku...cho~" you moaned out.

"God you are so beautiful….you look so unbearably gorgeous…"

He slowly began to slide his finger in and out of you. His fingers were so much longer and thicker than your own, hitting spots you could never reach. You closed your eyes and gasped. The feeling of his finger is already so stimulating that all you could do was bring out incohesive words and babble out nonsense. 

You heard a chuckels rumbling in his chest.

"You look so cute when you are such a mess, angel…." 

He pushed another finger inside of you. "Oh god…" 

His forehead was still pressed against yours when he picked up the pace. His eyes were still fixed on you. You felt like you were getting closer; your lust dilated eyes found his again. "I'm...I´m….I'm close…" "I know...just let it happen, beautiful….let go.."

Your body began to convoluted. Your eyes shut tight as the waves of your orgasm crashed onto you. His hand didn't stop. He helped you ride out your climax while kissing your forehead and cheeks. "Shhh, you are doing so well, princess...such a good girl…"

He pulled out, and you whined from the missing feeling. He smirked and chuckled again. "More?" and you nodded.

He got up and took off his shirt, wiping off the blood on his fingers. Then he began to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants. 

You stared at him, still a little delirious from the past climax.

You already saw the giant bulge in his boxer shorts. When you tried to get up with the intention of pleasing him too, he held you down. He kissed your cheek and jawline before whispering into your ear, "Don't bother, angel...I'm here to make you feel good...my needs to come later…"

He pulled down his boxers, enough for his large cock to sprang free. He slapped his length against your swollen pussy, which caused you to whine out and him to gasp. 

"Look at me, angel….look at me…"

You nodded and opened your eyes to stare directly into his eyes, your cheek flushed with red. You could feel his tip on your entrance and almost forgot to breathe when he slowly pushed in. your eyes fixed on his. "Kakucho…." you moan out. You felt him twitch in you. "Say my name again, angel…"

He took both of your legs and pushed them further apart. "Kakucho…" you said again, and you heard him curse under his breath, trying to keep his composure. He grabbed a pillow from the bed and lifted your hips with ease to put the pillow under you. It took some pressure away from your abdomen and gave him just the right angle to hit all the correct spots. He pushed your legs against your chest as he began to push deeper. "I can't think..." Another dark chuckle rumbled in his chest when he kissed your caves while pushing the rest of the way, now fully bottoming you out. "I know Angel...I know.....just let go...let me take care of you." He pulled halfway out, then pushed back in. Your back arched into his, but he pushed you back down. "No, baby...just stay put. Don't move…" He applied more pressure to your body to keep you in place while he began to move at a steady but firm pace. Your brain is completely muddled up. He gave your ass a firm slap that made you yelp out. Drool spilled out of your mouth as you couldn't comprehend what was happening, entranced and drunk from the pleasure he gave you. Throughout all that, he praised you the whole time. "You are taking me so well, beautiful...you are doing so good...my perfect angel."

You felt him twitch in you every time when you moaned his name. "God...you feel Devine angel…" his face was buried in the crook of your neck as he picked up the pace. "G'nna make you feel good, angel….real good…" You felt his hot breath against your neck. He made it so hard to think but even if you would have been thinking, you would only think about him. His face, his eyes and his sweet, sweet smile. "I'm close….I'm so close…" you whined "hold it baby...I know...please hold it ... .i...I want to cum with you baby….can you do that for me?" and you nodded, keeping your breathing steady and trying your hardest to hold back. Tears were prickling down your cheeks. He kissed them away as he picked up the pace. You could feel him moan and growl. He stopped talking and kept ramming into you while cursing under his breath. He twitched more and more inside of you. You are fighting for dear life to hold back your incoming orgasm.  "Just a little more...just...a little…" When you began to whine, he shushed you "I know baby….please...please hold just a little longer….I'm almost there…..fuck….please baby…" you held it and held it until he finally began to shake uncontrollably. "Fuck...now angel….now...im cumming...fuck...i´m cumming…"

That took you the edge. You screamed as your eyes squinted shut. 

With a low, almost animal-like growl, he shot his cum deep inside your tight hole.

He rode out the orgasm for both of you with a few more thrusts.

His grip on your hips subsided, and your legs moved back down to the bed. His hand found your cheek, showering your face with kisses. "So good baby …did so good for me angel…"

He gave you a small, tired smile. 

"Does it still hurt?" He was still thinking about your pain, and you smiled back and shook your head. "No. I'm better now…"

He gave you a warm smile before kissing your lips. The kiss was filled with love, adoration and pure bliss. Then he turned over, lying on the bed, and pulled you into his arms.

"I love you"

"I love you too"

Taglist: @yourefavsakura

©itsruki reblogs and likes are very appreciated! pls do not repost!!

[chimielie]

ghost in the machine

summary: Matsukawa x F!Reader. sometimes two people love each other very much. sometimes they do terrible things to each other.

word count: 1k

cw: cheating, extremely toxic relationship, no one here is likable, breakup, no happy ending

a/n: my bad i was going through something. sorry to the seijoh community. enjoy?

Issei meets you at the train station. It's dry now, but it was raining earlier—his hair is sticking to his face, curling even more than usual in the humidity. He doesn't "believe" in using umbrellas, whatever that means, or in standing beneath the rain shelter, apparently.

"Hey," you say, affecting nonchalance. The look on his face is familiar to you, signalling further storms ahead. You put your hands in his and press your mouth into a little frown. "What's wrong?

"Don't act cute," he says, glancing away, but he doesn't take his hands out of your hold. "This is—hard enough."

Issei does this thing, when he's mad at you, taking longer and longer pauses as he speaks. Leaves you hanging and still chooses all the wrong words.

"Issei, what happened?" You say. You look around, but there's no one else at the station: it's a dismal day, and his workplace is out of the way of pretty much all other human life. Fitting.

He rubs a thumb over yours, slow, pensive.

"I'm just gonna rip the band-aid off," he says, and you almost snort. There's been nothing quick about this process. "I think we should stop seeing each other."

"Another break?" You ask, trying to keep your voice light. "So you can fuck your new building receptionist?"

That's not light. Oops.

"How do you—whatever. No. That's not it. Don't be like that."

"It's what it was last time," you say, frustrated. "And Makki mentioned that he thought she was hot, which means you think she is."

"I don't, and that's not even the point," he sighs. "See, this is what I mean."

"You do," you insist. "But what is your point?"

"My point," he grits, thumb rubbing harder, strong fingers digging into your flesh so hard it almost hurts. "Is that we need to end this. Not a break. We need to break up."

"No," you say, blinking away tears. "I thought we were working on things. I thought we were better."

He pauses again. You let yourself fill up with big, stupid hope, leaning a little closer to him. All you want is one of his hugs, warm and solid and loving. Love me, you want to sob, you don't love me?

You don't, because you would be proving his point. You don't want to guilt him. You don't want to hurt him. You feel nauseous. The whole world is wrong, everything is going wrong.

He doesn’t give you what you need.

"I feel sick," he echoes your thoughts. "All the time. What we're doing to each other—I care about you, I want you to be happy. We—I don't make you happy."

"You do," you plead. "No one else makes me happy like you."

"But that's, like, five percent of the time," he says, jerking you a little closer. You know it's subconscious and it makes you emit a little noise, soft, one you don't want him to hear. "The rest of the time we, we fight, and we get petty, and we act like kids. It's not what it should be."

"I don't care what it should be," you flash. "I don't want whatever it should be. I want this. I think it's worth it. I want to fight for it."

"Well, I don't!" His eyes are burning. You think there's something shimmering in his waterline. "I'm tired. It's—you jerk me around like bait, on a string. I am tired of taking breaks, and getting back at each other, and—"

"I jerk you around?" You say. "Issei, you suggested the first break, you slept with—"

"I know what I did," his voice sounds defeated even as you can hear the underlying anger—deeper, the underlying hurt. "That's what I'm saying, we're damaged, I really don't care whose fault it is."

"Except you clearly think it's mine," you argue. It’s fucked up, that this is what fighting for your love means; how twisted has your knight-and-princess story become?

“Shut up! Just stop—just stop talking for a second.” You press your fingers tentatively to the right corner of his temple and rub small circles into the skin, knowing that’s where he gets headaches from grinding his jaw when you’re driving him crazy. He lets you for a moment, then shakes his head, bats you away. “You shouldn’t let me talk to you like that.”

“I won’t,” you say. “You won’t talk to me like that anymore.”

“That’s so fucked up,” he chokes out a laugh. His dark eyes crease so prettily when he does. “Don’t do that. With the next guy—”

“There’s no next guy!” You yelp, fingers flexing, not sure what to hold on to. If he’s letting go of his jealousy—the world tilts dizzily. He used to tell you, face in a lazy cat smile, body warm and heavy atop yours, that you’d find your next boyfriends on his mortuary table. “What, Issei, there’s not gonna be anyone else ever.”

His lips twist into a sardonic smile. He lets go of you, his hands shaking like he’s just been shocked, cartoon-style, electricity working its way through his body. You reach for him and he shoves his hands in his pockets, lets you stumble over your feet.

“I know you slept with Makki,” Issei says grimly. You stop in your tracks.

“Oh.”

“Oh,” he agreed. “Yeah.”

There’s not a lot to say to that. It doesn’t matter that it was during the worst breakup, a year ago, that it was because you’d seen him kissing one of your friends at a party. It doesn’t matter that it had been a mistake.

“I’m sorry,” you say, and the tears are rolling down your face again. Or it’s started raining. Both. “I’m so sorry. I know.”

There’s an awful screech when the train arrives—his train, going deeper into the country. Yours, back to the city, is due in eight minutes. You can’t stop anything from leaving this station.

“It’s okay. It’s like you said,” he puts his hands on his shoulders, presses a lingering kiss to your forehead, his lips wet with cold rainwater. When did it start pouring? “He thought she was hot, so so did I. I love you, so so did he.”

[katuschka]

Olalla – Chapter Four

Josh Kiszka x female OC

6.432 words

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.

One more chapter until Jacob makes an appearance again, so bear with me. Some shit still needs to happen...

Warnings: alcohol consumption, junk food, lots of fluff, heavy petting, oral sex, masturbation, unprotected penetrative sex, some rough sex too, but not too much, orgams (self) denial, depression, allusions to trauma, some arguing going on, the main character being a bit insufferable

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Previous Chapter Olalla masterlist

Feel the vibe Feel the terror Feel the pain It's driving me insane I can't fake For God's sake why am I driving in the wrong lane Trouble is my middle name But in the end I'm not too bad Can someone tell me if it's wrong to be so mad about you

Josh protested weakly for a short while but gave up soon, because he didn’t really have enough strength to fight with her. All he wanted to do was to wash the sticky sweat off his exhausted body and crawl in bed. He had a throbbing headache, his feet were swollen and his calves felt as if he set them on fire, not to mention the hollow ache deep inside his chest. The first panic attack had scared him shitless, but he learned to cope since then and could feel this one subsiding already. He hoped she didn’t recognize it, thinking that he was probably just upset by what happened…

He was also so hungry it hurt, but the idea of going anywhere and just being seen by any more people made him even more nauseous. He generally loved people, so this scared him too. He didn’t feel like himself anymore. 

“Could you please at least tell me where we’re going?” he asked after a while, still clutching his forehead with his elbow sticking out of the window. 

“We’re nearly there,” was all she said as she drove through the last sharp bend. They were now at the top of a bare, grassy hill with just a few trees here and there. The sun was setting right in front of them and if he just turned his head left, he would see a truly breathtaking view. It was a warm, breezy, fairytale evening. One of those summer evenings that make you forget about tomorrow; when you stay outside a bit too long, wrapped in a blanket, until early birds and the sun re-emerging on the other side tell you it’s finally time to go get some rest. 

Not today though. The magic was lost somehow. He just didn’t care. He didn't want to care right now…

They soon arrived at a wrought iron gate that separated the main road from a driveway which led to several log chalets. They were obviously new, but looked sufficiently traditional at the same time, built in the picturesque goralski style, with just a few modern enhancements. It looked fairytale-ish AND expensive.

In his dreamlike state, he watched her miraculously procure the keys from the glove box, step out of the car and open the gate. 

She did the same thing again after she parked the car in front of one of the smaller chalets. This time she motioned him to follow her inside. He groaned and slowly dragged himself out of the car. He wasn’t in the mood for whatever she’d been plotting or whoever she wanted to meet here. 

The plank wall interior looked bright and cozy and was moderately furnished with just a large and comfy-looking modern gray couch that contrasted with a wooden dining table and chairs carved in the rural style. There was also a fully equipped kitchenette, a large TV and stereo system and a wooden staircase with iron-wrought banister that led upstairs. It was also completely empty. 

“What is this?”

“Our shelter for the night,” she answered and switched the lights on because it was already getting dark inside. “I figured you’d appreciate a bit more privacy today.”

She wasn’t wrong, he couldn’t deny that. He knew he was a mess and if they went back, there would be questions, and the people who’d ask them, and he feared couldn’t deal with that right now. He was sure she didn’t want to, either. And this place was actually quite nice, but…

“So, it’s just the two of us? Is this place yours?” He asked tentatively. He thought it unlikely, but really hoped it was. 

“No, not mine. I couldn’t afford it even if I wanted to. And I don’t,” she replied matter-of-factly, as if that explained everything, and turned on the oven to let it pre-heat.

Joshua, however, looked positively alarmed now. Still clutching his backpack in one hand, he tried to stop her in her tracks with the other. “Seriously, Olalla! What is this place and how could you get us inside? Please, tell me we’re not trespassing. I don’t want more trouble. If we can pay for this, I definitely will! I don’t want you to…”

“Relax, Mr. I-will-pay-for-it-all. It’s been already paid for. This is a private resort. People pay yearly rent so they can come anytime they want. Anyway, this one belongs to a guy who owns a small chain of bakeries. I’m the housekeeper,” she finally started to explain while rummaging in the fridge and kitchen drawers. “Here, have some water. And stop bouncing around me like a yo-yo. Sit and relax, for fucks sake!” She grabbed his shoulders and gently pushed him in one of the chairs before she dived her nose in the freezer, searching for boxes with frozen pizza. She threw one on the table in front of him “Margherita?” 

He nodded weakly and she put it in the oven. “That’s why I couldn’t go to dinner with you the other day. I was here. Even when they’re not here, I come in here every week to keep this place spotless, because his wife is scared of spiders. Also, it just needs to be ready all the time in case they just decided to come here on a whim.” She noticed his alarmed face and added: “Not now! Don’t worry. They’re currently in Egypt…There’s some wine, too. Would you want some?”

He sucked in a breath and exhaled dramatically, which made her roll her eyes. “I take care of their groceries and other supplies. There’s a monthly budget and they don’t keep track, so they won’t notice. Besides, I can keep the change, so all in all you’re my guest… Now come have a look.”

She took his hand and led him to a small terrace outside a glass door at the southern side of the chalet. That’s when he finally saw it. The whole Tatra mountain range was stretching right in front of them. The setting sun was now illuminating just the tops of it, painting the peaks in fiery red, while the valley below was already shrouded in shadow. The glimmering streetlights of Zakopane looked surreal from where they stood, almost inappropriate…like a fake illusion that civilization could possibly surpass the power of the surrounding nature. We don’t control life, life controls us – that’s what Agnieszka thought. Josh, on the other hand, believed in divine symbiosis. Even now, all he could see was beauty. This was much bigger than him, much more important.

She watched with joy as his expression finally relaxed and a weak smile played on his lips.  “This is beautiful,” he breathed out at last. “You still didn’t explain why we’re really here.”

“I already told you. The privacy.” His crossed arms and raised eyebrows and the whole oh-come-on look on his face told her that he wasn’t buying. He didn’t look so drained anymore, though, already going back to his charming, bubbly self. And even if he wasn’t, she wouldn’t mind. 

She took a deep breath and told him that this was the exact reason. “We’re here so that you could just be yourself. You don’t need to feign anything tonight.”

If they went back to Eulalia, he would no doubt be forced to smile and act normal, at least until he’d reach the confines of his small and stuffy attic room. He had been upset, and she just wanted him to breathe and smile in earnest. This place was perfect for that. She would go here on her own sometimes – or stayed a bit longer than necessary after having done her chores – just to enjoy a private moment of peace, unbothered by anyone. That’s what she told him. 

She did not tell him that she feared that they would just part in the hallway and that would be it. There were still some things that were left unsaid and there might not be another opportunity to say them. She would resume her role of a receptionist/slash/maid and he’d be her guest again, engaging in polite conversations about the weather until he’d be gone for good. The whole ride here, the devil on her shoulder kept telling her that it would be better that way and that this was foolish. Or was it the angel? She couldn’t tell. She also couldn’t let go of him that easily. Maya was wrong. A lot of things could have happened…and they did. She needed closure. 

She did not need to tell him that, though. She brought him here not as her guest, but as her…whatever he was. A friend, most probably. Someone who she cared about, in spite of her resolve. 

He knew that, and that was what really made him smile, not just the view. 

“Thank you, Olalla,” he said in a low tone after a while and brought her from her reverie. “I truly love it here. Can we eat outside? he added, motioning to a set of fake rattan chairs and a small table right beside Agnieszka. He looked like an excited, mischievous boy again. 

“Of course,” she smiled kindly and the stove clock buzzed, telling them the pizza was ready. 

It was already dark when they finished eating, the wine was almost gone, too. It was getting chilly and they had to wrap themselves in blankets from the couch. Their bare and swollen feet, already freed from their heavy boots, were already getting uncomfortably cold, but neither of them wanted to leave yet. The pizza was okay, but small and they were still a bit hungry after, so Agnieszka quickly made some microwave popcorn. They were now munching the last handfuls, each of them lost in their thoughts, and watching the stars mirror the lights below. 

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” she finally broke the silence. 

“You’ll have to be more specific,” he smiled warmly and reached out to stroke the back of her hand that lay on her armrest... 

“The bus…” Her hand slid from under his fingers to reach for her wine, leaving them hovering in mid air awkwardly for a split second before he retracted them and clenched his fist unconsciously. 

His previously relaxed face clouded again. “What’s there to talk about? People are jerks, you can’t avoid them. End of story, I guess.” His tone was not unpleasant, but it sounded definitive. He wasn’t going to discuss his breakdown with her. She nodded and looked away, so he continued in his honeyed voice: “Don’t worry, I’m fine. I’m just impulsive. And I’d rather talk about our trip. The valley, it was a truly beautiful place. How many times have you actually been there?” 

Her heart sank and she watched him playing with the hem of his shirt for a while. It was OK if he didn’t want to talk about the bus ride, but the way he just dismissed the kiss stung her.  She cleared her throat because the lump in it threatened to choke her, and answered politely:  “A few times. I think I was six or seven when my dad took me there for the first time. We needed passports back then. 

“Well, that makes it easier now,” he nodded absentmindedly, still playing with his shirt. 

“Nothing is easier!” Her sudden outburst made him look up in annoyance, but his expression quickly softened when he saw her own. He wanted to hug her, but didn’t dare, too afraid that she would pull away from him again. 

He was about to suggest that they should probably call it a night. The wine obviously didn’t have the best effect on her. However, she took a deep breath and continued. It was a sudden outburst of words, totally out of her character, but he listened eagerly as she told him about the solace she found up there; how the weather made the same places look a bit different each time; how she knew every place accessible on foot and how Dominik – her fiance – once convinced her to get a climbing permit so that he could show her more; how she avoided going up there for nearly two years after he fell and left her here; how she finally learned that it’s just people’s stupidity that makes bad things happen, and nothing else…

She had no idea why she told him all that, but she suddenly felt so much lighter. It was just like the first night all over again. He was her confessor. 

“Is that why you’re running from love? he whispered.

“No,” she huffed in protest. “I’m just seeking joy elsewhere. Love is overrated.” 

“What? Oh no! Love is everything, dear. You cannot live without it. It’s the ultimate knowledge. ‘The more you love, the more you know’ – a dumb man once said. Love IS joy!”

“Yeah, you’re positively glowing,” she responded sarcastically.

“Even when it hurts, it’s worth it.”

“I’d rather never known that pain,” she mumbled. 

“I regret nothing.” His face betrayed him, though. This was clearly not true. He could feel her eyes on him as he chewed the inside of his cheek. She opened up to him, he should do the same. It just wasn’t easy, not when this ugly, fake and pixelated version of him kept defeating him and its tentacles could reach this place too if he weren’t careful. It had destroyed his love and it still threatened to destroy his life…or at least it felt that way sometimes.  “…well, almost…but that has nothing to do with love,” he added when the silence became unbearable.

“So, what’s his name?” The question made him smile, albeit ruefully. He loved how straightforward she was from day one. Some might think it rude, but her questions were always laced with pure interest and concern, nothing more. He appreciated that. She was clever, too…although not clever enough. 

“Who? The love I don’t regret?” It was obvious that she wasn’t going to repeat the question. They both knew exactly what she meant, so he looked at her at last and added, finally telling her much more than just a name: “Christopher.”

“Do you still love him?”

“I don’t believe in falling out of love…unless it turns to hate. And I could never do that.”

“That sounds a bit evasive.”

“Yet it’s the most truthful answer I could give you. Everyone I’ve ever loved has left a mark. Some may be a bit faded, but love just doesn’t leave. Don’t your vain attempts to run from it prove my point?” 

She huffed in annoyance and emptied her glass of wine. “He didn’t leave me intentionally. He died. Isn’t it natural to feel resentful when someone breaks your heart? They’re not gone, they just don’t want you anymore. I’m pretty sure it’s much easier to let go.”

“He didn’t break my heart. I broke his…and mine, in the process. I’m to blame. And I’m pretty sure he’s resentful, but it didn’t make it any easier for either of us. Besides, didn’t you just say a moment ago that it was all about human stupidity? We’re supposed to learn from it, not hide.” 

She had no answer to that. She just tightened the blanket around her, acting like they were just talking about the weather. “It’s getting a bit chilly.”

He gave her a long, scrutinizing look, but she kept avoiding his eyes. “Ok, let’s go inside,” he sighed.

They washed the dishes together in silence and then she reluctantly led him upstairs, sad that their day would – after all – end in what felt like an argument. 

The upper bedchamber was not much different from his attic room, with just the most essential furnishings, the double bed taking up most of the space. It was also equally stifled after the hot day. The bathroom, however, was large and cool and fully equipped.. Agnieszka once again started making everything ready with alacrity. She turned on the boiler, opened up the window to let some fresh air in, reached into the closet and handed him several clean towels, showed him where to find spare toothbrushes…and all that time he watched her with visible concern in his eyes which she masterfully ignored.  

She was finally done. Standing in the middle of the room with her hands on her sides, she exhaled audibly. “Unfortunately, there’s just one bedroom here, but I can sleep downstairs.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Olalla, the bed is big enough for both of us. If you don’t wanna share it, I understand…but in that case I should be the one sleeping on the couch.”

“I don’t mind sharing the bed with you, I just thought…”

“Good, it’s settled then. Now let’s go take a shower,” he interrupted her matter-of-factly and pulled off his shirt. Her breath hitched as he started unbuttoning his shorts. 

“What? Together?”

“We’re gonna sleep in one bed, we have no spare clothes, what difference does it make?” He tried to act nonchalantly, but there was some underlying tension building up under the surface, as if he was testing her, but losing his temper already.

“It makes a difference to me Joshua. I do…”

His face contorted in frustration and he threw his arms up in the air. “And what makes you think that I don’t? What exactly do you want? If you brought me here just as a friend, fine. I can cope with that. You obviously made some assumptions about me along the way, and you weren’t completely wrong. But the kiss…I meant it. And I think you did too, that it’s what you want, but your walls are too high. You’ve been dodging me ever since that happened, even before that, actually… Yet, here we are. I’ve been acting like an idiot too, you haven’t met me at my best, but I do like you, ok? So please, stop overthinking this and fucking tell me. Why does it make a difference to you?”

All the time, she just stood there, watching him flailing his arms around, shocked. If only it were so easy – not overthinking it. Was she really pushing him away today? She wasn’t aware of that. She wanted to touch him again. Badly. The yearning was strong, and past the point of it being purely physical. It kept frightening her.

He was wrong, though. This wasn’t really what she wanted. When she saw him for the first time, he was just another guy that she could potentially have some fun with…if he wanted. Just another handsome body to fill the void for a while. But that changed very quickly. And what the hell did he want, anyway? 

“I’m scared.” She was crying now, overwhelmed by his confession as well as her over emotions. 

“Of what, baby?”

I’m scared of the fact that for the first time in years, I care. And I’m scared of having to admit that, if you asked. And no matter what happens now, you’re going to leave me. I don’t know what this is yet…definitely not a date…we have no future. But I already know that I’m going to miss you.

She couldn’t say any of it aloud though. 

He cupped her cheeks in his hands and looked into her eyes, searching for cues. “Do you want me to go sleep on the couch, baby? It’s ok, you know.”

“No,” she whispered. No, she couldn’t possibly let him do that. It was something in his touch. Every time he made a slightest contact with her skin, her brain short-circuited, making her mind do mental backflips. Because, screw that…If she’s going to miss him, she wants to miss everything about him. “Can you kiss me again, please?” 

He barely touched her at first. Just a fleeting brush of his lips against hers. It would be almost innocent if it weren’t for the shaky exhale, almost a moan. It was controlled, and he did it on purpose. He was teasing her before he looked at her again and whispered: “Is this what you want, hm? Just a kiss?” 

“You can take whatever you want.”

“I’m not going to be taking anything today, baby,” he responded, caressing her cheek in a loving way. She leaned into his touch and ran her fingertips up his bare chest, tracing his collarbones and then his jaw as she tried to commit every detail of his face in her memory. “We’re gonna take it slow, what do you think? he whispered. 

“Yes…,” she whispered back. 

He reached for the hem of her tank top, motioning her to lift her arms up, which she was reluctant to do. 

“I stink like a pig,” she sniffed, but a soft smile was already forming on her lips. 

“You smell divine, my dear.” He kissed her again, this time with more passion. They stood there for a while, reveling in their newly found intimity, licking and moaning into each other’s mouths. He cupped her bare breast in his hand, running his fingers along her nipple before he bowed down to do the same thing with his tongue. She tilted her head back. “Joshua…”

“Yeah,” he muttered with her nipple still in his mouth. 

“I’d really like to shower first…” He smiled against her skin and straightened up. He took her hand, grabbed the towels with the other and led her into the bathroom. 

He did as he promised, and took it slow. They took off the rest of their clothes and stepped in the shower together. She unbraided his hair, helped him disentable the dreadlock beads from his hair, before she started rubbing shampoo into his curls. “Coconut ice-cream again?” he chuckled softly. She smiled back. “I told you I take care of the supplies. That includes my supplies. I get a wholesale discount for this.” 

“You’re a hell of a housekeeper,” he laughed. 

When they got back to the bedroom, she just turned off the lights and climbed in bed. He followed suit. They cuddled at first and explored their bodies in the darkness. Listening to his heavy breath was intoxicating. The silky softness of her skin, in contrast with her calloused palms, moved him in a way he never expected. But as soon as their kisses deepened and his cock hardened, they couldn’t wait any longer. She cupped his balls and kneaded them gently, making him whimper. 

“I need to feel you,” he whispered.

“Come inside then.” 

“What a nice way to put it,” he chuckled against her shoulder. “How do you want me?”

“Spoon me.”

“Alright.” 

She turned on her side and he positioned himself, pushing in slowly. He tried to do everything slowly, but it became almost unbearable after a while, and when she whispered “more,” he quickened his pace. He wanted to do just what she asked for, and just listening to her reactions was making him lose his mind. So, when she whimpered “tough me more,” he was delighted to oblige. He grabbed her leg and lifted it up, resting her shin against his knee. His hand sneaked down her thigh until he found that precious little button. It didn’t take long and he soon felt her contracting around him. He diligently took her there, pushed her over the edge with one last flick of his finger and held her tight while she reached the dizzy heights and then came back to him.

It took her a while to realize that he had stopped completely. “Joshua…go on…” Her voice was like a jingle bell, feeble and high and a little breathy. 

“Shhh, just let me savor the moment, it’s ok” he murmured into her hair. She exhaled heavily and relaxed as the fatigue threatened to overcome both her mind and body at last. With their limbs still intertwined and their bodies still connected, she felt his chest rise and fall against her back. It was getting cold in the room. He moved just a little to grab a blanket, threw it over both of them and buried his face in her hair again. Almost involuntarily, he moved his hips just a little a few times and whimpered weakly, still chasing the feeling before he finally stopped. “Get some rest, sweet Olalla,” he whispered and his fingertips stroked the baby hair that covered her temple. She fell asleep before he got limp, feeling both peaceful and full.

The sun emerged from behind the clouds and its morning rays hit Josh straight in the face, waking him. He was a bit disoriented at first. He also had a painful erection.

The planks on the ceiling looked just like those in his attic room, but the light coming from the outside, as well as the smell of new wood and furniture were different…then he remembered. 

Her side of the bed was empty and cold and no sounds were coming from below. That made him start…only to notice a piece of paper with a quickly scribbled message placed carefully on her pillow. 

I had to go back to Eulalia, but I will be back VERY soon with some clean clothes and breakfast. Feel free to make yourself some coffee.

He checked his phone on the nightstand to see what time it was, only to find it dead. Perfect, so she was keeping him hostage now. 

That made him huff. He had no idea what time it was, but he had faith in her, so…first things first. He had to take care of himself. He wrapped his fingers around his hard-on and started stroking himself. It was slow at first, but he soon became impatient. All the pent-up energy, all the emotional whiplash he experienced recently, all the hurt and newly found pleasures…he needed to release the tension that had only intensified the night before. 

For the first time in months, he didn’t picture Christopher’s mouth enveloping the tip of his hard dick while he was pumping himself. The events of the previous night occupied his mind instead. He enjoyed sex with women, but it had been a couple years now…and to be honest, it had never infiltrated his deepest fantasies…until now. He just couldn’t help it now. He could feel it again – her tight walls, smooth like velvet, warm and tight…but not too tight. Different.

The way she moaned with each thrust; it was so melodic. So sincere. All the hurt she had tried to hide, it seeped out of the pores of her silken skin and evaporated in the air above them. He made her feel better. She made him feel better. 

He closed his eyes and he could see her face clearly again, as if it was tattooed on the inner surface of his eyelids. He thought about their first kiss as he twisted his wrist, stroking the head of his cock in a circular motion. The electricity when the tip of her tongue met with his was real. It made him moan loudly and his heart started to beat faster. He was getting close already. 

He ran his second hand past his abdomen to cup his balls, kneading them gently just like she had done yesterday. He longed for her to do it again, but right now he had to get this over with so they wouldn't burst. A few more strokes – together with a memory of her dark ponytail flailing in the wind – before spurts of his cum landed on his belly and chest. 

The hurt he had felt – it somehow ceased to matter the very moment she decided to try to make it go away without even asking what he had done to feel that way. Her whole being left an imprint on him. Her teary eyes, her ringing laugh, the softness of her skin and her calloused hands. His vision of her was not purely sexual, but it made him emotional. She was a born caretaker, who – for some reason – chose to live without love. He couldn’t forget the way she was looking at him the night he gave her the pendant. Like deer in headlights. She begged to be seen, yet she was trying to make herself invisible. He became convinced that he had to fix it. 

Again. He hadn’t learned a single thing…

He lay there for a while with his eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of warm sun rays on his skin, but the relief he had sought was short-lived and he started to feel on edge once again. Groaning in annoyance as his release on his stomach started to get crusty, he finally scrambled out of bed and trudged over to the bathroom.

The quick shower he took to clean himself did not make him feel more relaxed, on the contrary. It once again reminded him of last night. He lathered up a drop of the coconut shower gel between his hands to wash his torso with it and the smell only made him dizzy. He needed her. 

He wandered naked around the chalet, searching through empty drawers for a compatible charger, knowing too well it was futile. He made himself a coffee and then just let it get cold on the table. He opened a bottle of beer, took two sips and then just held the cold bottle on his forehead while he sat sprawled on the couch. He started gnawing on his lower lip out of impatience when he finally heard a key in the lock and his eyes snapped open. 

She was beautiful, with her long dark locks just hanging down this time. She was wearing a white madeira sundress and flip flops. He had never seen her like this. 

“I’m SO sorry, it took a little longer than I expected, I hope you didn’t…oh!”

At first she thought he was angry, the way he leaped from the couch and darted towards her, with that look on his face. She instinctively backed away, but he just took the bags she was holding, put them on the table and literally pounced on her, grabbing her sides and making her stumble backwards and collide with the wooden door. 

“Joshua! Wait a second,” she bursted out, grabbing his shoulders in an attempt to regain her balance. He disregarded her feeble resistance, grabbed her wrists and pinned them against the door at both sides of her head.

“For what exactly? I’ve waited for hours. Now I don’t need to anymore. I think I”m going to take what I want after all,” he grunted against the soft skin right below her earlobe and pushed his leg between her things. “And don’t tell me you dressed like this to make me wanna hold your hand again, so don’t play coy,” he added, while licking a long stripe from her collarbone back up to her earlobe, earning a high pitched moan when he bit it. Her heart started beating wildly, sending tingling waves of arousal throughout her whole body. He was already rock hard, rutting against her pelvic bone. 

“Aren’t you hungry?” she whimpered, nodding towards the table. She was referring to the food she brought, but they both knew she was teasing him with double meaning. She arched a little, pressing her still clothed pussy down on him a bit more. It was exhilarating to feel his hands tightening around her forearms, digging his fingernails in her flesh. He looked at her, nostrils flaring, and she reciprocated with intense glare. 

“I’m starving. Feed me.” He let go of her arms, grabbed her jaw instead to force her mouth open and licked into it, claiming it. Her own hands immediately travelled up his back, kneading his tight flesh in a sudden frenzy, pulling him even closer to her chest.   

Still locked in a searing kiss, he turned her around and they slowly made their way towards the couch. When her calves collided with it, he just pushed her down and kneeled in front of her, pushing the hem of her dress up to her waist with one swift motion. She had no panties on, which made grin like a madman, shaking his head with a mischievous “tsk”. 

With just his fingertips, he pushed her thighs further apart and licked his lips absentmindedly, seeing her in all her glory for the very first time. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her, while the same fingertips travelled further up her inner thighs until his thumb brushed gently against her clit, sending a jolt of electricity up her spine. 

She moaned melodically and he hummed in unison with her. “You said you liked my singing?” 

The question brought her back to earth and she looked down at him in confusion. “You want to sing to me now?” 

He locked his eyes with her and they gleamed with mischief as he brushed his cheek against her inner thigh and planted a soft kiss on her labia. “Uh huh.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Just this…” he whispered, pressed the tip of his tongue on her exposed bud and really, really started singing…

He had to push her abdomen down with his hand to keep her steady as her whole body twitched in shock, her hands frantically grabbing at the pillows around her. He had her moaning loudly in no time. She had never held any man’s head between her legs, but she entangled her fingers in his curls almost involuntarily, in fear that he would stop. He hummed in approval and quickened the vibrations of his tongue even more and she cried out, eyes open wide. He slowed down a bit when her legs started shaking, enveloped her clit with his lips and started sucking on it gently. That was a terrible mistake, because instead of prolonging the experience, it pushed her over the edge immediately. 

She watched him in a haze as he emerged from between her legs and hovered above her, his facial hair completely wet. She immediately reached out to wipe it off with her palm, but he grabbed her wrist and smiled devilishly. “Leave it!” It sent her mind reeling. 

“What is it, baby? You look completely ruined,” he crooned maliciously. 

“Oh god, Joshua, just shut up and fuck me!” she exclaimed impatiently, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him closer. 

“Oooh, I will!” he bit his lip and shook his head maliciously. Before she could react, he buried his dick in her to the hilt. They both groaned loudly, exchanging a quick look. He swallowed audibly and rested his forehead between her breasts. “Your body’s made of silk, baby,” he murmured against her skin. “It’s driving me nuts.”

She clenched around him deliberately, making him groan again. “Don’t get too sentimental now. I’m not ruined enough yet!” 

“Dear lady, you’re a beast,” he whimpered through his teeth and straightened up. “As you wish.” He grabbed her hips and started thrusting into her with an unexpected force.  

She watched him, mesmerized. She literally saw him in a completely new light now. His parted lips, his furrowed brow. Just seeing him like that was an intensively sensual experience, and it turned her on even more. She could soon feel another orgasm building deep inside her low abdomen. It was becoming almost overwhelming and she grabbed his upper arms to steady herself, digging her fingernail into his skin. That did it for him and his movements became erratic. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to regain control over his bbody, but she clenched around him again and hissed: “Go on. Fill me up!” 

With a few last spasmic thrusts and a long, high-pitched moan, he did, taking her with him one more time. They collapsed together on the couch, breathing heavily. 

“Joshua?” 

“Yeah?

“I like you too.”

He didn’t say anything, just pulled her even closer to him and kissed her forehead lovingly.

“What do you think is going to happen now?”

“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully, stroking her hair “but literally anything’s possible. Let’s not worry about it now.”

“I assume you can’t stay longer, can you?”

“No, I’m afraid I can’t. But we still have a week. Let’s make it the time of our lives.”

And they started immediately. The weather was capricious that day. The morning sun soon hid behind the clouds and heavy shower rains kept drumming on the roof. It was a perfect day for ceaseless fucking. It was as if nature played along. Once they got the taste of each other, they just couldn’t stop. 

They fucked three more times that afternoon. At first he bent her over the dining table right after lunch. It was animalistic and quick and she feared she’d leave scratch marks on the wooden table as she cried out with each violent thrust against her cervix. His hands on her hips were gentle though, kneading her flesh like velvet cushions, the pressure of his fingers  on her skin more aggressive only when he came. 

The second time was slow and gentle, as they lay in bed under the roof. Rain kept falling as he showered her with kisses. 

They lay there for another half an hour before they concluded it was finally time to take another shower. That’s where he pressed her against the tiles and filled her with his seed one more time. 

The day wasn’t over yet, but it was time to go back, so they cleaned up the chalet, got dressed, packed their things and soon were on their way back, arriving at Eulalia before supper. 

Maya greeted them at the reception with a smile, but something was off. She was all smiles and giggles when she and Agnueszka talked briefly earlier that day. She looked almost apprehensive now. 

“I need to talk to you,” she hissed at Agnieszka in Polish after Josh excused himself and ran up the stairs to his room. 

“Can it wait?”

“No, I’m afraid it can’t. 

“Well, it will have to. We’re going out soon in half an hour. You promised me. I’ll be back in the kitchen tomorrow morning.”

“Olalla!”

“See you in the moooorning,” Agnieszka trilled over her shoulder, already on her way up. 

Back in her room, she checked her phone briefly, only to notice she had a whatsapp message from Bartek. It was a link to some article one of his buddies allegedly found somewhere. She opened it and gasped in shock. 

Josh knocked on her door ten minutes later. He definitely did not expect her to open it with teary eyes.

“What happened,” he frowned. 

She showed him the screen and he went pale immediately. “OK, let me explain.”

“Yeah, you do that…and while you’re at it, feel free to introduce yourself, because clearly, I don’t know you…”

Give me all your true hate and I'll translate it in your bed Into never seen passion That is why I am so mad about you

Previous Chapter Olalla masterlist

@its-interesting-van-kleep @edgingthedarkness @writingcold @thewritingbeforesunrise @lvnterninthenight @fleet-of-fiction @takenbythemadness @myownparadise96 @gvfstuddedmajesty @josh-iamyour-mama @jazzyfigz @tripthelightfantastix @sanguinebats @love-isnt-greed @klarxtr @kiszkas-canvas

[enden-agolor]

I LOOOVE all of your aus, especially forest deity and sdv!! The way you designed both Lukas and Jesse in each AU you have is amazing, I absolutely admire the attention to detail and such :) Something about your au’s have me absolutely hooked, and I’m not complaining. Keep up the great work, Enden!! you don’t know how obsessed I am with your silly stories of stupid little minecraft blocks… 🙏

Also a jesskas forest deity AU is so cool. I don’t have any idea how you were able to come up with something as interesting as it, and the way you planned out the story was amazing as well! I always wonder if Jesse will actually show his normal form to Lukas (since you mentioned he was able to revert to his normal self but the town still wouldn’t accept him either way iirc) but we’ll have to see it for ourselves. I lovelovelovee your work so much and I’m excited for future au content !!

Dude thank you so much 🥺

I love designing characters and for some reason Lukas and Jesse are just so fun to play around with in regards to their designs. Maybe it's because their canon designs are so simple, yet compliment each other so well, like Lukas' magenta stripes alongside Jesse's green suspenders. Then the rest of their pallet is pretty natural colors. I really like to keep their designs simple when drawing them. I try to imagine, would they actually wear this? Does this color fit his style? I like to keep them in pretty casual clothes you would see when passing someone out in public, or when shopping at a nice clothes store. This definitely goes for the sdv au.

In forest deity au, Lukas maintains a professional look. Outfits that you would see and think, "oh this guy means business", because he's an author, so he wants to dress the role. He wears a lot of warm, darker colors. Nothing too bright and flashy that would make him stand out. He's the kind of guy who dresses like he's always going to work. Jesse, on the other hand, he wears a lot of dark colors with purpose, as a means of fitting in with the darkness that shrouds the forest he lives in. He wears a lot of dark leather gear to keep his body protected. He's always pretty dirty, because well, he lives out there alone and has no means of impressing anyone with appearances, so why bother? The only one who seems to be intrigued in his appearance is Lukas.

On that other note, we came up with the au kind of randomly. My bf and I like to throw ideas at each other, and since we were already invested in the normal Admin au, I remember jokingly playing into this idea of Admin Jesse being this big bad wolf kind of role and Lukas being a little red riding hood. Discovering each other in the woods for the first time, except we kind of built this story over time and I started making the designs and I was like. Fuck. Jesse is big, scary, mute, and in love with this little blond freak that won't leave him alone 🧍I am OBSESSED with that. But yeah that's basically how it happened and now the lore has gotten pretty intense. The story is full of angst and plot built off of canon. A very hurt/comfort slow burn kind of story.

But anyways I'm so excited to share more. Your questions will be answered eventually. Trust me, I wish I could answer them, but with plot and context it will be so, so much more satisfactory. So stay tuned, and thanks again for this ask, I love seeing everyones little thoughts on this au!