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whatsk-poppinhomies · 1 year ago

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Pairing : Dad!Hwang Hyunjin x F!Reader TW : the child is already born, she's around a year and a half ; reader is extremely stressed ; angsty ; Word Count : 2.8k Request : I actually do think I have a request for angsty dad Hyunjin, plus it won the poll so... YES! A/N : I know that the other angsty dad ones kind of started with reader being pregnant, but I wanted to switch things up because I don't want to keep repeating the same storyline over and over again... Hope that's okay! Also, this was left on a verrrry open cliffhanger. And yes, there will definitely be a part 2!

It was hard being a mother. The pains of pregnancy, labor, and the healing process afterwards, it was just hard. You had signed up for it though, and it had been rewarding once you had been able to hold your little girl in your arms for the first time. Watching her grow into the adorable little infant that she was now, it made all the pain and hardships worth it. She was the greatest gift.

It was a struggle though to be the mother to the daughter of a k-pop idol, especially when that idol had so proudly posted about her from the moment she was born. It wouldn’t have been a problem if he stuck around more, but with him having to work and never really being at home, it was a hassle even getting out of the house some days. You felt stuck, you felt trapped, and he just got to continue living his famous life as if nothing were going on at all.

It was a slap in the face to see him get to live a life of luxury, going out to parties and being able to go out to eat with the guys. His life didn’t get put on hold, he got to continue living as if he didn’t have a daughter at home, as if you weren’t at home trying to hold everything together. You’d see him walk down red carpets with camera lights flashing in his face as he smiled and waved, all while you stayed home with your daughter on your hip as you tried to cook dinner for yourself and feed your daughter and make sure that the laundry was done.

Maybe it wouldn’t bother you so much if he even took the time to call you when he had a break, but he didn’t even do that. It’s like you and your daughter didn’t exist when he was out, it truly felt that way, and it was heartbreaking. Hyunjin was the love of your life, he was the father of your child. When he and you first got together, you couldn’t imagine spending the rest of your life with anyone but him. He’d call you constantly, he’d send you pictures, he’d video call you, he’d do anything to make you feel like you were a part of his little world even though you couldn’t be there. When your daughter came along he kept up the act, at least for the first 5 months. It didn’t even gradually stop either, it was like you had hit a brick wall, he just stopped completely. You’d bring it up to him and he’d make excuses of being busy and not having the time to really call or text you. It was always the same thing over and over and over again. You dealt with it for 13 months now, almost an entire year of being ignored and being treated like nothing more than his baby’s mother, not the mother of his child.

How long were you expected to put up with it? How long did he expect you to put up with it? When he came home it felt more like he was just doing a routine visitation for his daughter, it’s like you weren’t even together at this point. He’d wrap one arm around you, giving you a little side hug and kissing the top of your head before focusing maybe an hour of attention on your daughter (if she was lucky), before saying that he had to leave again.

He was too famous for this life, and while most women would say that they were going to do their man a favor and leave, you knew that you had done enough favors for him. You were raising his daughter with no help. You kept his house clean, you were there for him if and when he needed you, you were everything that he could have ever wanted you to be… But he was nothing for you. He had simply become your daughter's father, and that was all. You were tired of doing it by yourself and thinking that maybe one day he’d come around. It was obvious that day would never come. It was time for you to do yourself a favor. If you were going to live the life of a single mother, you might as well be one.

“Are you excited to go home and see Y/N and the baby?” Felix asked as he and Hyunjin made their way off the plane, dodging the grabbing hands of fans with the help of the security team that ushered them through the airport. Flashing lights blinded their peripheral vision, and they both stayed focused on the light of day on the other side of the exit door in front of them.

“Of course I am!” Hyunjin exclaimed, his smile growing wider as he thought about finally being able to see you and his daughter again. “I miss them so much… I just feel like every time I do get to see them I have to leave immediately. I know it’s not fair… She’s doing it all by herself. She’s like… She’s like a super mom, you know?” He rambled adoringly about you, his eyes practically shooting hearts whenever he spoke about you or even thought about you. “Whenever I get time off from the group I have to do a promotion for something else and… I just feel like I’m missing everything. I feel like the worst dad… The worst boyfriend…”

“I’m sure Y/N understands. I mean… You’ve been keeping in touch with her, right?” Felix asked, looking up at Hyunjin who looked far more shameful now as his head dropped. “You… You have been talking to her, haven’t you? I mean… We’ve been gone for almost a whole month… It’s not like you haven’t talked to her for a whole month… Right?!” Felixs voice raised an octave with each repetition of the question.

“I’ve been busy and… I know that she gets busy too… And time zones are confusing so I don’t know when she gets the baby to sleep for naps or when she’s sleeping… I just… And I lose track of time and I’m just so busy…” Hyunjin tried to explain, but Felix was left slack jawed and shocked at the seeming lack of both responsibility and empathy for the fact that he hadn’t been in contact with you for an entire month. “Don’t look at me like that… I’m sure she’ll understand!” Hyunjin whined, climbing into the back seat of the car that was waiting for him and Felix.

“Do you… Do you do this every time you’re gone? I mean… I’m not trying to get in the middle but… I just know that if I had a girlfriend and a child back at home when I’m out… I’d be on the phone constantly with her… Like… I don’t understand how you could just go an entire month without talking to your girlfriend or even checking up on her and your kid…” Felix ranted, not even trying to come down on Hyunjin, but that’s the way it felt.

“Y/N is different… She doesn’t need constant attention. She understands that I’m busy, that I can’t be on the phone all the time, that I can’t always be home…” Hyunjin mumbled, running his hand through his hair as he let out a heavy sigh. “Look, I don’t want to be stressed out before I see her and the baby. Let’s just not talk about this, okay?”

Felix rolled his eyes, but kept his mouth shut. Felix was more realistic, that, and the fact that he had met you multiple times. He knew how you were, and while it was obvious that you loved Hyunjin and you weren’t exactly clingy, he knew that you weren’t the type of person to just sit idly by waiting for Hyunjin to realize that he had more priorities than just being an idol and a spokesperson. Sadly, Hyunjin didn’t see that, and Felix feared that at some point it’ll be too late for his hyung… He just didn’t know how soon that time was.

“Baby, I’m home!” Hyunjin called out as he walked through the front door. It was nice, it felt good to finally be home. There was a stillness in the air, and while it felt strange, there were still toys in the home that belonged to his daughter and nothing seemed out of place… At least not in the living area. You must have just gone out to the store or went to visit your friends or something.

The kitchen was empty, there were no dishes in the sink, and while that wasn’t out of the norm in any way, the thin layer of dust that lined the counter tops was weird. It was like the kitchen hadn’t been used in a week or two, and now Hyunjin was beginning to panic as he set down his bag on the dusty countertop and made his way into the nursery.

“Honey?” Hyunjin called out again, almost desperately now as he walked further into the room. The furniture was all still there, but much like the kitchen counter, it too had begun to form dust on the flat surfaces. Did something happen while he was away? It didn’t look that way, at least not in the apartment. Some things were missing though… The picture of the day that his daughter was born had been taken off the little dresser, and now that he was really focusing on everything, he could see that certain spaces in the closet were empty where clothes had once been hanging.

He didn’t want to believe the thoughts that were going through his mind right now. He wanted to believe that there was another reason for the missing items, maybe they were just hanging in the shared closet in your bedroom. Maybe that’s where everything was. In the back of his mind he knew that he was wrong, but he just didn’t want to let go of that little thread of hope that he might be right, so he went to the bedroom and pushed open the door.

The bed had been neatly made, and in the center of it sat a little note, one that he refused to read right now. Instead, he went straight to the closet, throwing it open to see that it had been emptied almost completely and the suitcases that had been stored off to the side were now gone. It was obvious what was going on, and while he didn’t want to read the note because he was sure that it would only validate what he knew to be true, he felt like he had to read it.

With wobbly legs and tear filled eyes, he made his way over to the bed and shakily picked up the note. He could barely even make out the words through his tears, but he tried to, his voice raspy as he whispered out the words that were neatly written on the paper.

“Hyunjin,

I love you, I truly do.. Or, I did. I don’t know how I feel now. Well, I know how I FEEL in general… Empty, stressed, lonely, depressed… I just don’t know how I feel about YOU. I used to think about you and I’d get butterflies and I felt fuzzy and warm and I KNEW that that meant I loved you… Now when I think about you, I can only feel anger… And the only reason that I THINK I even feel a LITTLE bit of love towards you is because you ARE the father of my child and she is beginning to look like you, and maybe it’s because of that and because I love HER so much that I feel even an inkling of love for you.

Either way, I can’t keep living like this. I’m alone in this house, YOUR house that was supposed to be OUR home for OUR family… But everything has fallen on me. While you get to go out and have fun with all your famous friends and go to all your famous people parties, I’m stuck at home being a mother to OUR child, and being a maid in YOUR house. I have been doing EVERYTHING on my own, I have become a single mother while still dealing with the inconvenience of having YOUR child because I can’t even take her out into the world without being bombarded by YOUR fans and you’re not even here to help.

I have supported you, I have loved you, I gave you a child… And all I wanted was just a little bit of support from you, I wanted to feel loved by you… But after 13 MONTHS of being left alone with only short visits from you when you find the time to come see us… I’ve come to realize that you’re unable to love anyone BUT yourself. I’d say that I’m tired of fighting for myself and our daughter to be a priority to you, but you’re not even around long enough for me to try to fight for that spot.

Your life is far too busy, and while I understand your line of work, I’ll never understand why you’d give me this false sense of hope that I and our daughter would ever be important to you. I don’t know why you’d even take the risk of getting me pregnant, and while I love our daughter with my entire heart and every ounce of my being, I cannot for the life of me understand why you’d want to have a child and pretend to be excited when you KNEW you’d never be around for her OR me.

So, I’m done… I’ve gone home to be with my family and I’ve taken the baby with me. Of course, I won’t keep her from you, although you’ve kept yourself from her for a majority of her life. I don’t think it’ll make much of a difference that I’m in America now considering you only really come to visit us once a month for an hour, so it really won’t be much different from how it was before. I guess you’ll be able to visit her when you’re doing one of your many tours that kept you away from us in general.

There is a time difference, so, when you do get this note, keep in mind that myself and the baby and the rest of my family might be sleeping if you decide to text or call me… Which in itself would be ironic considering you didn’t even do that when we were together.

Anyway, that’s all. Thank you for giving me a beautiful baby girl, and thank you for the two and a half years of happiness that you did give me… But, I can’t keep living like this. Goodbye.”

Just like that, you were gone… Not just you, but his daughter as well. You both were gone, and it wasn’t as easy as going down the street or something to talk to you… You had gone all the way to America to be with your family… And it would be almost impossible for him to get cleared by management to just hop on the next plane to go see you and talk to you. He wanted to call you, he wanted to beg you to come back home, to bring the baby back home… But even if the time difference wasn’t a factor in him not calling you right now, your emotions and everything that you were feeling had been written out for him in black and white.

He didn’t know the first thing that he’d say to you when he called you, and he knew that he couldn’t just beg… And while he understood what you had said in the note, he never thought that you’d feel that way. He had assumed that he was doing the right thing… But he wasn’t… And now you and his daughter, his family, you were both gone, on the opposite side of the world, in a different time zone… He could do nothing…

And now that he had the time and the unbearable silence to really think, to let his thoughts go wild… Not being able to do anything right now is no different than what was done before. He had gone entire months without talking to or seeing you and his daughter when he was on the other side of the world… He had no problem with it before. Now it was you who was gone, and you weren’t messaging him… The only difference is that he didn’t know if you were coming back, and right now… It felt like you never were.

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ladykailitha · 1 year ago

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Icarus Part 1

Hello! I know there are a few minutes left of the poll, but there is nothing that could happen in the next 15 minutes that is going to change the outcome.

3 to 1 in favor of the main story first. The only reason I asked, was because that story has been finished a long time, but this one is just getting started. But the masses have spoken.

Original prompt here.

Summary: Eddie and the Corroded Coffin boys made it big right out of high school. So big that Metallica could open for them. Outselling the biggest bands and artists. They are huge. Then a small little indy metal band called The Fallen comes on the scene. They wear hoods and masks and go by aliases. Eddie (and most of the rest of the metal scene) are dismissive of them. More splash then talent.

Only fans don't thinks so. So when Dustin takes him to one of their concerts Eddie learns two things.

One that they are super talented.

And two, that he knows at least of one the members' of the band's real identity.

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @redfreckledwolf @emly03 @itsall-taken

****

Getting out of Hawkins had always been the dream. Being able to do it with three of the best people he had ever had the pleasure of knowing with their music? That was the cherry on top of the icing.

But Eddie never dreamed that Corroded would outsell one his favorite bands of all time. Never even crossed his mind to dream about.

But there it was in black and white. Corroded Coffin was the highest grossing band of the year. Metallica was seventh. Fuck they had outsold Taylor Swift for Christ’s sake.

Barely.

But it still counted damn it!

What was a surprise was the number nineteenth best selling band of the year. A band he’d never heard of before. The Fallen. It said the genre was metal in that little italic font.

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

Yeah, it was impossible to listen to every up and coming metal band. But if they had already hit this big with only their second album, surely Eddie would have heard them on the radio.

Only on their last tour Chrissy Cunningham, their beautiful and amazing manager had put an embargo on the radio because the riffs were finding their way into Eddie’s song writing. So he guessed it made sense that he hadn’t heard of them.

So he called the one person he knew who would have all the details on these guys.

“Dusty!” he greeted when the man picked up. Man. Shit, when did they all get so old?

“Eddie!” Dustin greeted back. “Finally back in town?”

Eddie grinned. “You know it. Dude, you know my tour schedule better than Chrissy does.”

“Maybe.”

He laughed. “Guess who hit the top of the most successful metal bands of the decade?”

“Oh my god!” Dustin screamed. “That’s so cool! Is the issue out on stands yet or did you get a sneaky peak for having made it to the top of their list?”

Eddie winced. “Sadly the later. But! I can bring it over to show you when I come to hang out.”

“That’s acceptable,” Dustin said. “Steve just got back in town, too. That label he works for sure does like dragging him all over the world.”

Eddie hummed. “Yeah? Where’d they send him this time?”

“Japan if you can believe it,” Dustin huffed. “He basically came home sometime around midnight and just crashed.”

Eddie didn’t know what Steve and Robin did for the studio, no one did. But the general consensus was that they were dogsbodies of some sort. Getting coffees for execs and stars, driving them places. Just stuff they didn’t want to hire out for, they made Robin and Steve do.

“I won’t be waking him up if I come over, will I?” Eddie asked, biting his lip. He had a crush on the other man. A large one. But fame and fortune kept getting in the way of something more.

“Nah,” Dustin assured him. “He woke up about an hour ago. He’s even showered and eaten. He’ll want to see you as much as I do.”

Eddie very much doubted that, but he was going to take it. “Great! This list is insane, man. I can’t wait for you to see it.”

“Come over for dinner,” Dustin suggested. “We’ll pour over the list over pizza and beer.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re old enough for beer now.”

“Yeah, yeah, old man,” Dustin said. Eddie could feel the eye roll from here.

****

Eddie was watching Steve in interest.

He was walking around like he was used to being in high heels or something, as he would catch himself on his toes and force his feet down on his heels.

He would jump at Dustin throwing open the door. He kept touching his face and rubbing at his throat.

Robin was constantly pushing tea into his hands to get them settle. When they weren’t cradling the tea mugs, they were all over the place. Not just his face. But his back and stomach, too. Rubbing his palms on the front of his jeans.

“Dude!” Dustin hissed. “What is wrong with you? Japan can’t have been that different from America.”

Steve winced from the sound. “Bud, you are seriously being too loud. I told you that I have a migraine.”

Eddie tilted his head. “Hey do you need me to go? Butthead here said you were fine.”

Steve looked up at Eddie and his expression softened. “I’m fine as long as you aren’t yelling like Dusty Buns, here.”

Eddie chuckled. “I hear that. So how was Japan? When me and the boys went a couple years ago it was so beautiful.”

Steve rubbed his forehead between his eyebrows. “I wish I could have seen more of it. It felt like we were running nonstop. At least we aren’t roadies. I don’t think I could do the work they do. They’re the true beating heart of the operation.”

Eddie nodded. “Our last tour we had twelve trucks of roadies and equipment. It was insane.”

Robin grabbed Steve’s cold tea mug and swapped it with a warm one. Steve murmured his thanks. “I’m still not sure if I’m on this time zone yet. And I worry that this fucking migraine may throw me off even further.”

“Is that why Robin is plying you with tea?” Eddie asked. “To keep you awake enough to go bed at the right time?”

Steve nodded, humming contently over the cup of tea. “Nothing caffeinated, not really. Peppermint for the most part, honey lemon, too. She thinks I might be coming down with travelers’ cough.”

Again Steve made an aborted movement toward his face.

“Stop doing that!” Dustin hissed again. “Why do you keep touching your face like that? Did the Tibetan monks curse you or something?”

Robin smacked the back of his head. “That’s China, doofus! And no, no one has been cursed. We had to wear face masks like the surgeons wear for a lot of the trip because there had been a flu outbreak.”

Eddie nodded. “Ooh, yeah. They recommended we wear them too in certain areas, it wouldn’t surprise me if I was that twitchy when we moved to the Australian leg of the tour.”

Dustin eyed Steve warily, like he wasn’t sure if he should believe him or not, but Eddie had backed him up, so Dustin decided to let it go.

For now.

“Where were you touring again?” Steve asked Eddie after taking a long sip from his mug. “South America, wasn’t it?”

“Right in one, big boy,” Eddie enthused. “It was our first time in some of those countries so it was super exciting meeting the people, learning the culture, eating the food. I swear by the end of the tour we had all gained at least ten pounds and that was with us sweating our asses off on stage almost every night.”

Steve winced. “I don’t know how you guys do it, the stage lights we had were merciless.”

“Years and years of practice, Stevie,” Eddie said, “years and years of practice.”

Dustin turned to Eddie. “All right I think I’ve been patient enough, I want to see the top twenty money makers of metal before I vibrate out of my skin.”

Steve laughed and smacked the back of his head. “You know who number one is, why do you care about the other nineteen?”

Eddie shook his head. “Not just metal bands, my weird little friend. But out of all the bands.”

He pulled out the magazine and Dustin snatched it out of his hands, careful not to rip it.

Dustin was furiously reading the list and it was clear that he was looking for someone specific.

“Eureka!” he cried. “I knew it! I knew they were outselling other new metal bands.”

Steve looked over his shoulder. “Yeah? Who’s that, bud?”

“The Fallen!” he cried. “They are so cool man. They have these on stage personas like Daft Punk and they kick ass on stage. I was so bummed when they didn’t come to Pasadena or anywhere near there when they were doing their US leg of their tour.”

Dustin was going to school at Caltech because as much as he wanted to go to MIT his mom was worried about him being by himself, so he moved out to California to move in with Steve.

He was on campus for housing most of the year, but he came home on the weekends and that put Claudia’s mind at rest.

Steve himself had moved out to California a couple of years before. Robin and him had gotten a job at record company and had to move out there to be closer to the headquarters.

Interestingly, or at least to Dustin, Steve’s friends all found jobs out here, too.

“I saw that one,” Eddie was saying. “But I’d never heard of them are they any good?”

Dustin scoffed. “Are they any good? Holy shit are they good.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “They’re a metal band, no offense to Eddie here, but there are only three metal bands on the whole list. Most of them are pop, rap, or country. How good can they be?”

Eddie scoffed and held his hands to his heart. “You wound me!” Then he flopped on the sofa, playing dead.

“That’s what does make them so good, Steve,” Dustin insisted. “Because there are only three metal bands on the list, it means they had to work their asses off twice as hard as the others.”

Eddie popped up. “Yeah, Stevie!” He stuck out his tongue and Steve laughed.

“You got any of the albums?” Steve asked, with a flippant wave of his hand. “If they’re so good, let’s hear them then.”

A shadow crossed over Robin’s face and she looked like she wanted to say something, but couldn’t.

****

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25

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#my writing #stranger things #steddie #ladykailitha writes #corroded coffin #rockstar steve harrington #rockstar eddie munson #The Fallen

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brandwhorestarscream · 2 months ago

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Can I have some harem megop please?

Absolutely you can!! 1.2k words, enjoy ^-^ anyone else want a free drabble? Vote Megatron in the pregnancy polls and 500+ words of whatever you want are yours 💖

...

“Lord Megatron? The Prime is here to see you.”

The noble concubine of Kaon sighs, then powers down his datapad. He sets it upon the glass tabletop, face down, and folds his servos in his lap. “...right. Bring him in.”

While Frenzy ducks back out the door the way he'd come, Soundwave steps closer. In his servos he's gently cradling a carved metal chest with plush velvet interiors, and inside, a priceless platinum headpiece inladen with large, glistening rubies. He resists the urge to roll his optics as Soundwave delicately places it directly atop his helm, ensuring it's perfectly straight. It's lightweight, and if not for his being surrounded by a dozen reflective surfaces, he might be able to forget that it's there. Primus, he barely recognizes himself. He resists the urge to cross his legs: the feeling of bare protomesh gliding against itself never failed to put him ill at ease. He's so exposed.

The Prime arrives quietly and with very little flourish. He doesn't even have his attendants with him. He thanks the cassettes for opening the door, and has the nerve to look awkward standing there in Megatron's tea room.

And then he doesn't say anything.

Megatron waits for several beats of silence to pass before he raises a brow. “Is there a reason for your visit, Your Grace?”

“I- y-yes! Yes, there is,” Optimus fidgets for a moment, actually fidgets, like an anxious youngling. He looks like he's trying to find the right words. “It… about the garden party…?”

Megatron finally rolls his optics. “I'm not apologizing for that,” he had every right to punch that mech directly in his stupidly smug face. “He had it coming.”

It had been quite the scandal. Ordinarily, the concubines weren't allowed to interact with anyone outside of the inner palace staff. They weren't allowed to leave. The only exceptions were chaperoned travelling to the Temple, and at social events wherein they were among the guests of honor. The garden party was a long-upheld tradition, and while Optimus had no interest in throwing the lavish balls his predecessor had so enjoyed… it was a much-awaited event. No less than five Senators had confirmed their attendance, and Optimus desperately needed to start winning at least some of them over. It was an optimal opportunity, one that would be foolish to waste.

It had started fine. Well. “Fine”. Megatron had never been painted in so much make up before, nor had he ever worn so much senseless, priceless finery. There was live music and entertainment, along with an exceptional banquet. For the first segment of the party, the concubines were all seated at individual tables with their head mecha-in-waiting and elected poison tasters. The meal had gone on without incident. But then came the more open socialization, and while it was very frowned upon to approach a Prime's concubine, any of his concubines, one of the Lords from Tesarus had felt brave. The concubine of Tesarus was his daughter, after all, and Optimus had allowed them to write letters home. If it had been nothing but a friendly family chat, it would have been fine.

She was seated between himself and Damus, so as he was rising from his seat to seek out the concubine of Tarn–who looked fit to spontaneously combust from nerves–Megatron couldn't help but overhear.

“He told her he'd have her spayed if she didn't, quote, ‘do her job’. Spayed, Prime! Like she's his turbohound on a leash,” he shakes his helm, denta gnashing. Disgusting. Speaking to anyone like that was abhorrent already, but his own child? Tempera had looked quietly terrified but dared not raise her voice against him, and Megatron couldn't help himself. “I dared him to repeat himself and he did. I gave him a chance to correct himself. He didn't, and reaped the consequences.”

It had been so satisfying, the way the old fossil's face had crumpled beneath his fist. He'd gone down screaming, energon gushing from his broken nose as Megatron levied a hateful look down at his pathetic, writhing form. Guards had rushed over, as had Optimus and Soundwave. “He threatened Tempera,” was all Megatron had said by way of explanation. “He deserves worse.”

And now here Optimus was, 4 days later after confining him to his villa as punishment.

“I will not apologize-”

“I don't expect you to! Actually, I…” the Prime carefully removes something from his subspace: wrapped in gold leaf paper, there's a bouquet of fine crystal roses in full bloom, their petals grown of delicate faceted quartz that reflected light in rainbow dapples in all directions. “These are for you, if you'll accept them?”

Megatron blinks. “Pardon?”

Optimus steps closer, bending down to carefully offer them to him. “As thanks, for defending Miss Tempera when I could not. I…” he looks shy, almost, or maybe a bit sheepish? “I picked them myself. I thought you might like them.”

“Do I look like I need more baubles?” The concubine snarks. Optimus's helm finials droop.

“Er… apologies, I just thought that…” he starts to pull them back, optics lowering. He doesn't look anything like a Prime, and Megatron smirks.

He snatches the bouquet, passing them to Soundwave and out of the way. “Surely you're not going to revoke your first ever gift to one of your concubines? Think of the scandal! Who could live with such a shame?”

Optimus's optics get so wide, Megatron thinks they might pop straight out of the sockets and need recalibration. “Oh no, I meant no offense! I- I apologize, I-”

Finally, Megatron cackles. He can't help it. This mech is almost too easy. “I don't care about that,” he shakes his helm, still grinning. “But you're not taking those back. Soundwave?”

Immediately, his amica stands at attention. “Yes, Lord Megatron?”

“Find a vase or something for those, and put them somewhere nice. Somewhere we'll see them.”

He dips his helm with a soft, “Yes, Lord Megatron.” and hurries to make himself scarce, still carrying the crystal bouquet.

As soon as the doors close behind him, Megatron places one elbow on the armrest of his chair, and leans his helm onto his servo, still grinning his sharp grin. “So,” he can't possibly resist. “You're rewarding me for assaulting an important official?”

“No!” Optimus yelps, looking horrified, and Megatron starts laughing again. “It is for defending Tempera, not- not for-”

“Defending her and knocking him on his aft are one and the same,” Megatron insists. “Seems to me that's exactly what you're rewarding me for. Think of what the tabloids would say!”

Optimus makes a vaguely distressed noise and drops his face into his servos. Megatron will never tire of teasing him. It's quickly becoming one of his favorite pastimes.

“Thank you, though,” never let it be said he can't adhere to basic etiquette, too. “They are very nice crystablooms.”

Finally, Optimus peeks back at him, looking almost like a turbohound pup eager for a treat. “Really?”

“Yes,” his optics flit down to the Prime's servos. “How many times did you cut yourself?”

He hurries to fold his hands behind his back, but it's pointless. Megatron has already seen the scratches and hastily-applied liquid bandage. “O-Only… once or twice,” he admits quietly, looking anywhere but at his concubine. “Or… perhaps twice or thrice.”

Megatron sighs, and gestures for Laserbeak. She's perched silently on a nearby bureau, watching closely. At his beckoning, she immediately soars over to land on his wrist, pinging him and ready for orders. “Go to the medical wing and bring numbing cream. Rumble?”

“Yeah, big boss mech?”

“Go get your mother's portable welder. I've a foolish Prime to patch up.”

#megop #concubine megatron au #megatron cant resist teasing him. as soon as he realized optimus is a huge doormat softie he's been relentless 🤭#megatron #optimus

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omaano · 6 months ago

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SW Hades AU December Update

First things first some links and previous updates: May - June - July - August - September - October/November - everything else in this AU

This will be more of a summary of everything I've done for this AU in 2024 than an actual December month update. The reason for that is rather simple: I haven't gotten around to posting what I finished during my little holiday break. Creating those new posts would involve some background work, learning some very basic new things, and writing some dialogue, which just wouldn't compute right now.

All that said what you can be looking forward to through January for sure is a full Quinlan post, and a full Echo and Fives post - I've already made one of them with their character art, but skipped the whole background, pocket characters and dialogue part of the task; mostly because I was missing art for another character to create the whole scene that I'd envisioned.

I also did not forget about Leia winning the last poll. I really didn't, but I honestly have no idea how I want her to be depicted in this AU, and lately Satine, Sabine and Ezra have a bit of a hold on my brain, so all my creative thinking is channelled into figuring out what I want from Ezra here. I do have some sketchbook scribbles for Satine and Sabine both.

How about a poll, which I will totally respect this time!

And now for the summary: Characters who had been added this year include: Cody, Obi-wan from his desert era, Darth Maul, Omega and Batcher, Echo and Fives, Shaak Ti and my trio of baby clones, Quinlan (he's just a wip here though), and presentable WIPS for Doctor Aphra, Bo-Katan and her Nite Owls, Axe and Koska, and Kit Fisto.

Which means that in 2024 I've managed to add 8 completed individual character illustrations to this project! I'm quite pleased with that, considering how I'd only started up with renewed passion in May. I'd also finalized the charcter lineup and their little icons, which I can use as a visual aid below to keep track of my progress. The characters marked with blue have completed illustrations, and the ones marked with orange have some type of a WIP going for them.

For the whole of next year I hope to keep to the "one finished character a month" schedule, finish at least the two background images I'd planned for Obi-wan and the Nite Owls, and clean up all the keepsakes I'd sketched out. I'm a little unsure if this will be enough for me to claim around the same time next year that the AU is done, but that is the dream at least. I am missing 11 character arts completely (I know that it doesn't add up, but Moff Gideon doesn't get a cute little portrait, that's just how it is), and 4 WIPs (although Bo-Katan counts for 3). Although based on past progress I should be able to bang out Kit and Aphra in one weekend if my wrist doesn't get too angry with me :3

Taglist of anyone who wants to be pinged once a month for these updates <3 If you want to be added to the list send me a message, or just reply to this post (a 👀 would do, nothing fancy required ;))

@elwinged @yeehawgeek @velsayshi @lionsaint

If you want to be taken off the list just message me and I’ll take you off, no hard feelings :)

#my art #hades au #hades au update

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niuttuc · 10 months ago

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Weird Magic: the Gathering effects: Third edition

Some months ago, I ran a poll and then another where people guessed which of a bunch of weird MTG effects wasn't real. It was fun, so we're running it back with a third batch of weird things.

As last time, only the current text of effects is used, not necessarily the one printed on the card. Limited to cards that exist in paper, and are legal to play in at least some tournament formats. Though last time I did expand to text that's part of keyword rules or that's part of the current reminder text on at least one card.

Edit: Solution after the cut now that the poll is over!

The poll is over! Let’s go through all the different options and see where they appear on cards, what purpose they serve and some more context! I’ll put most of that under a read more to avoid filling up timelines, but for the first one we’ll let it slide.

Search target player's library for twenty cards (24.9%)

The correct solution was the most popular, there are no effects that search someone's library for twenty cards. Sadistic Sacrament does come close when kicked with exiling FIFTEEN cards from a deck, but there are many subtle differences. It doesn't point to the targeted player in that bit of text because it already referenced them before the kicker, and it searches for UP TO fifteen cards, which is important because the search doesn't specify any criteria. Wouldn't want to exile some bad cards once you run out of good cards to remove from the opponent's deck, after all!

Any time you could mulligan (18.4%)

You'd think no cards would be able to mess with mulligans, before people have even decided their hands, but there is ONE card (well, one tournament-legal card) that affects the game that far back. It's a card that occasionally sees play in weird combo decks to up the consistency of whatever thing they're trying to do, and surprisingly it isn't even from Future Sight.

If the player guessed wrong (0.8%)

While most people were able to correctly identify that this effect exists in magic, and while there's a few guessing cards, there is actually a single one with this specific wording, others use "they" or "that player" to refer to the guesser.

Exchange the text boxes of those creatures (5.7%)

I tried to stay away from un-sets for these, even the tournament-legal cards, this one is too unique and I eventually had to include it. It's just a really, really weird effect to exist and be legal, and it sure does strange things that aren't necessarily intuitive in practice.

Zombie God creature token (8.1%)

Vecna may be from D&D, but he appears on a magic card alright... Or at least as a token, which is technically not a card. The full description would have given it away of course, but this one is pretty rare to see in practice.

Initially, for that slot I wanted to put in God Horror for the Atropal created at the end of the Tomb of Annihilation, because technically dungeons are cards unlike emblems and tokens, but that felt mean.

Nonexistent mana costs can't be paid (13.6%)

This one is weird, since it's an oracle-updated reminder text that appears on one, and only one, of the costless cards in the game, and that doesn't actually appear on the cards. It was mostly there to try to catch people trying to "um, actually" this vote while the rules right above the poll do specify reminder text is included. If we're gonna be technical...

Creature spells you cast have offspring (1.9%)

A recent and prominent one, this rules text just reads very weird out of context so I had to include it. It's the one that led to me making this third poll after all!

Roll a d20. Draw cards equal to the result (3.8%)

This is a ridiculous effect to be on a magic card, nevertheless, it is! Commander Legends: Battle for Baldur's Gate had a cycle of Ancient Metallic Dragons that had effects on combat damage that scaled to a D20 roll. Blue, of course, got card draw, which is insane when the average roll is at 10.5 cards. So it got costed appropriately. Still, a very fun thing to see around.

Restart the game. (4.1%)

Technically my punctuation was off on this one, so if that's why you clicked it, you get a point! Otherwise, discover the first planeswalker card Karn got, with an utterly unique Ultimate that is unfit for polite commander games. Not that Karn sees much Commander play. Generally if you stick a Karn out long enough to have access to the Ult, you've already won this game and don't need to restart it.

Creatures you control but don't own are Mercenaries (2.4%)

This is not just a very flavorful line of text on Laughing Jasper Flint, but also a functional one, buffing his own effect thanks to all those extra Outlaws!

Reorder your graveyard as you choose. (13.8%)

In the old old days of magic, the order cards were put in the graveyard in actually mattered, with effects that grabbed the top creature of your graveyard, or the bottom card, or various other placements. They quickly realized the design space for this was not worth the nightmare that was keeping a graveyard in order, and stopped doing that, in 1998.

What's notable about this card is not so much that it messes with the order of cards in your graveyard, but more that it was printed to be compatible with those effects, allowing you to easily select a card at random by shuffling your graveyard, then leave it like that. It was printed to be compatible with those effects TEN YEARS AFTER THE LAST ONE WAS PRINTED, in 2008. It doesn't even need that text to be functional with graveyard order, it's just more convenient if you happen to be playing one of the handful of 10+ year old cards that care about graveyard order while also having Fossil Find in your deck. This is ridiculous, and fantastic.

Flip a coin. If you win the flip, take an extra turn (2.4%)

That's pretty much the entire effect right there. Extra turns are supremely powerful, and can be supremely unfun. So why not turn the entire game into a coin flip with an extra turn behind it for three mana! Someone is gonna walk out of this one grumpy, remains to be seen if it's you or your opponent.

#mtg #magic #the gathering #weird rules #tcg #game design #not really #plenty of iconic cards in there #but it's also for non-magic players to see some of the weird stuff

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londonfoginacup · 8 months ago

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Personal stream of consciousness around Liam and grief and moving forward

Every day I wake up and Liam is still dead. It continues to sort of feel like at some point I will wake up and that won’t be true, that he’ll be back, like he’s just on a trip right now. And I think that’s… a normal part of the grieving process, but it’s hard because it feels disrespectful, almost.

I only did 8 days of inktober this year. I had another ten sketched out already in my notebook, and now I wonder what to do with those. Some of them were good! (Some weren’t). I was older than Liam by a month or so, but for some reason I want to be able to go to him now, and show him those sketches, and say, I do art too! Aren’t you proud of me?

Death is a horrible and unnatural thing. It was never supposed to happen to us. We grieve because we were not made to lose people. We were made to love them forever. Grief is our body trying desperately to reconcile with a reality it was never made for. That is why it feels this way. We were not made for a life like this. We were made to hold one another in our arms. We were made to love each other. We were made for more.

I want to tell him that. That he was made for more than he got. I hope someday I can.

When tumblr started having polls, I always voted the Liam option, and in part that was because I love Liam and I would’ve chosen him regardless. But in part it was with the thought that, if he were to ever snoop on our community here, I wanted Liam to see that he had people in his corner. I don’t regret that. I’m sad it’s all I could do.

I was thinking about it earlier. About One Direction. I tried to slice it so many ways and I came to the conclusion that Liam and Louis are the ones that I think were the heart. I think 1D could’ve come back together to tour, make music, and so on, as long as it had at least those two. 1D could never exist without Liam. It just couldn’t. He loved them too much.

Obviously, I haven’t turned my queue back on. I haven’t felt right reblogging current day stuff about the boys. It feels like turning that back on will indicate being ready to move on, to some extent. And okay, I’ll never be ready so there’s that. But. The idea of turning it back on doesn’t feel right. Not yet.

That being said, I started last month preparing for Christmas. For the 25 days of fic rec I do, and the advent fic. And of course cards. I had decided just a week before Everything Happened that I couldn’t afford to do physical cards this year. And I feel ten times more guilty about that decision now, because it feels like surely people NEED that! But I am also trying to be realistic with myself; so many wonderful people have offered to help financially, and any other time I think I would’ve taken them up on that, but right now the emotional and mental weight of doing physical cards might also be too heavy.

Which, again, makes me feel like I’m letting people down when they need me. If I could, I would send all of you personalized letters every day. It is so hard to reckon with the knowledge that I am only human and must take care of myself.

But I will do the fic recs. that’s easy; I’ve already finished the post graphics.

And I will do the advent fic (I might change my plot— the original one didn’t have a lot of Liam, but i think I need him there more).

And I will make some sort of digital cards for sure. It occurred to me this year that I never put my paper dolls online anywhere and I sort of wonder why not. At least maybe this will be a treat for anyone too wary of sending a stranger online their address— all of you can print th paper dolls for yourselves. I’ll make plenty of outfits.

So. That’s my plan, I suppose. I’ve cried writing this more than I’ve cried all week, I think because it’s easy to think that I am past the worst of the grieving right up until I have to look head on at the facts again.

I miss him. I miss him. How could this happen.

#liam #ugggghhhhhhhh I am crying again and my EARS ARE RED #bleeeeeghhghghgg #how to make it sound like you’re not crying at your desk when you work in an open plan office??? I dunno I sure do NOT KNOW #😩😩😩😩😩😩

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darksturnioloqueen · 4 months ago

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Sadistic!Matt x Gun

Please Read BEFORE Continuing To Gun!!!

This chapter is HEAVY. It NEEDED to be.

This is a huge turning point for Matt and Pet.

With that information being said, if any type of GUN PLAY or mentions of being uncomfortable during sexual activity for any reason or at any point, or any scenarios with those descriptions make you uncomfortable or TRIGGER you, PLEASE SKIP to the part HIGHLIGHTED GREEN. (Read from there.)

For anyone continuing to read Gun:

Please do not read it to comment negatively on it. This defeats the purpose of all my warnings above. I wrote this portion of their love story based on the voting poll. This chapter had an overwhelming amount of votes (CLEAR WINNER) Enjoy.

⚠︎Trigger Warning: light stalking vibe, mention of masturbation, recording without consent, angry Sadistic!Matt, irrational toxic thinking, screaming/ yelling, name drop of a gun, mention of murder, mention of suicide, holding gun to head, breaking in... per usual, void!Sadistic!Matt (another variation of him <3), talk of cheating, toxic relationship behavior, crying, name calling (not sexy), feeling guilty, mention of shooting you, choking, passing out, reminding you he controls you, being tied up/ restrained, being confined under someone, GUN PLAY (being used as intimidation), being truly scared, being played with like a toy, being pistol whipped in the face, Sadistic!Matt turned on from your fear and pain, hit with gun repeatedly, admitting to sleeping with someone for money, punishment, light mention of not fully consenting, toxic thoughts about owing him sex, GUN PLAY (FULLY IN play, iykyk), manipulation with a gun (slightly), being numb, Sadistic!Matt wanting to truly hurt you, ramming inside you (no verbal consent but in this context it's okay), being smacked, Sadistic!Matt getting extremely rough, getting uncomfortable during sex, sudden behavior change, AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST MY BABY!!!!! shy!Sadistic!Matt 🥹<3333 ⚠︎

**This Fic Series will NOT be for people with triggers. This Fic Series will have very descriptive moments of Sadism.**

Sadistic (Sadism - The Act Of Being Sadistic)

Deriving (getting) pleasure from inflicting (causing) pain, suffering, or humiliation on others.

Please Read At Your Own Risk.

Matt was smarter. He knew. He knew, but that didn't mean he wanted to. Two days ago he had a business meeting. It was in town. He was already annoyed that he had to go to the meeting. He was a silent investor in a tech company. Having to go to a meeting defeated the purpose of being a silent investor. Nonetheless, he was needed for a decision, which could affect his stake in the company. Even though the meeting was in town, he couldn't miss seeing what you were up to, even just for a few hours.

He became addicted to having access to you 24/7. He would eat breakfast and watch you sleep in. He noticed that since he came over that night to sleep with you, you have been able to sleep with him while watching. He was happy he could help. He would watch you get dressed while he was in the shower, obvious reasons there. He would stroke his wet dick and watch you tease him unknowingly. He would watch you all the time, addicted to everything you did. The problem was when he got the work email saying he was required at the upcoming meeting. He panicked. He knew he couldn't miss the meeting and risk losing his source of income, but he couldn't take a monitor with a direct link to a young woman's home to it either. Of course, you consented fully; it was your idea, but no one there would know that.

Matt had to leave the screen at home, but he was smart. He managed to set up an inside app that would tap the screen after a certain number of minutes to prevent the monitor from going idle. Then he got out one of his old video cameras, installed a new battery, and set it up to record the picture. He thought through and acted all that out while you were asleep that morning.

After his meeting, he got home and set the camcorder's footage aside to watch the next morning while you were asleep. He watched it during breakfast. You were passed out and looked beautiful. He hated your satin pink bed sheets, but he loved how they flowed around your leg and waist, covering you in a way that made you look touchable. He craved touching you every time he watched you.

"What the fuck?" He sat forward in his chair. He was looking at the recorder, brows furrowed. He rewound the tape a few seconds and watched something fly across the webcam's view. He went back and watched it again. He zoomed in, which pixelated the screen a little, and watched it again. His eyes widened as he recognized the color. Pink. Everything you owned was some variation of pink, but he noticed every detail of your life. He wasn't made nonchalant. He was made to keep track of everything. Everything. Including this special pink dress. You openly told him it was your uniform. He remembered. The difference with this pink dress was that it came with a bit of black. The darkest thing you owned was this dress with that kiss of black. He couldn't forget.

He continued playing the footage back. He watched you undress, and he wasn't excited in the slightest. He knew what this was. This fake strip tease was the alibi—the lie. You were lying to him about what you were genuinely wearing and what you were doing. Matt felt his blood boiling. He felt his anger reaching a new level of rage. He felt his face getting hot, and his eyes started hurting. He slammed his fists on the table. "You are fucking kidding me." He screamed in his empty house. The sound was swallowed by the walls. He seethed for a minute, letting his brain catch up to his body's responses.

"Fucking bitch." He stood up and trudged into his bedroom. He walked over to his closet and pulled down a lock box. Without questioning himself, he unlocked the box and held the Springfield Hellcat in his hand. He wasn't sure why he had a gun; in his mind, it took all the fun and excitement out of killing someone. He bought it years ago. He had it out once and left it in the lockbox since. He cocked back the top and looked inside. One bullet. He didn't own any more nine-millimeter ammo than the one single shot inside.

He stared at it, thinking about the time he considered ending his own life with the single round. He was at a point in his life where the pain he was feeling wasn't pleasurable in any form, and he felt like there was nothing more for him. If he couldn't have love with anyone because he scared them away every time, and he couldn't have stimulating pain without consequences, he didn't see a point. The pain he felt then was much like what was boiling inside of him now. He hadn't felt like this in years. He took the gun and looked at the mirror in his room. He held it up to the side of his head and smiled wickedly into his reflection. He couldn't explain how or why but felt a small moment of relief from his anger. He lowered the gun and tucked it into his waistband under his shirt. "If I can't have her, no one can." He walked out and got into his car.

His mind was no longer racing. His anger was no longer hot. He was numb. He felt nothing. He broke into the back door like a professional. He saw your laptop on the coffee table and instantly knew his suspicions were correct. This made the feeling come back. The feeling he wanted to avoid in the first place with you. The hair on his arm raised a little, and his skin became clammy and hot. He pulled out the gun. He tip-toed into your room. After debating a moment of weakness and touching your assuming smooth skin, he sat in the computer chair with the gun in his hand. He waited. According to your normal schedule, you will be up soon. He waited.

Time passed, and you hadn't woken up yet. That pissed him off more. He knew why you were tired. You had spent all night cheating on him. "Eh, hem." He cleared his throat, making his presence known. You stirred and smiled softly before fully opening your eyes. You already knew that if anyone had broken in, it was Matt.

"Good -" Your voice trailed off, noticing his face. You could tell immediately something was wrong. You sat up and scanned the picture before you. Matt was sitting in your computer chair, resting his elbows on his knees. His head was hung low and forward, glaring at you. In his hand was a gun. You did not know what was happening but knew it wouldn't end well. "Matt?" You choked on your air. Your chest was rising and falling fast.

"Tell me." His voice was past cold. It was void. There was nothing. His eyes held no sign of emotion. If you didn't know they weren't naturally the lightest blue, you'd think they were black right now.

"Tell you what?" You knew. You knew he knew, but there was no way in hell with him pissed off in your bedroom with a gun, you were going to admit to that.

"Don't fucking play stupid right now!" His voice boomed, causing you to jump and grab your blanket for some sort of comfort. You know that the bullets in his gun would pierce through the thin fabric and your body quickly, but not having your body exposed made you feel better about the situation.

"Matt, I -" You started, but he stood up, halting your words.

"Tell me." He kept repeatedly thinking that no one could have her, if I couldn't have her. That phrase alone drove all reason out of his mind, and he pointed the gun at you. Without missing a beat, your tears fell faster than they were brimming.

"Matt, I'm sorry. I had to. I have bills. It's my job."

"Cheating on me is your job?" Even through the immense fear you felt, you caught his voice cracking. It was subtle, definitely on accident. This tipped you off. You knew what this was about. You made learning Matt your new hobby a while ago, and with your excellent manipulation skills, you were able to learn him quickly. That voice crack was all you needed to know what was going on.

"I would never think about cheating on you." You slowly lowered the blanket. He held the gun strong. Close enough to threaten you but far away enough you couldn't touch it.

"You let someone else fuck you, you fucking slut." He screamed. His voice was the only thing moving through the air. His words hurt. You knew you weren't a slut, and even if you were, you could shrug that off. His words hurt because they were true. You let someone else touch your body, and you feel guilty about it.

"Matt, I -" He never let you get a chance to explain. If he gave it to you, he was worried he'd go blank enough to pull the trigger on you.

"No. I told you I didn't like it. I told you! I opened up to you. You are just like the rest." Matt started pouring out words that didn't make sense to you. You swung your feet off the edge of the bed. He stood like stone. Gun pointed.

"Matt, I can't quit. I need the money. It's my life." Your voice was calm but shaky. You weren't trying to lie to him, but you weren't trying to fight either.

"You are fucking mine." He lunged at you, grabbing your neck in his hand swiftly. You looked up at him, eyes twinkling. The fear of the gun being in play was still scary, but you couldn't help from getting turned on with your fucked up mind. "Choke." He looked down into your eyes. You saw them less blank and more filled with lust. As soon as you got things to turn slightly sexual, you were able to manipulate him better. You closed your eyes as his thumb and middle finger applied the proper pressure. You felt your head getting dizzy. He usually let up, but he was mad enough to keep going this time. "I could fucking kill you." You heard him whisper as you felt your body land back on the bed.

Your eyes were dark, and you saw stars. You went to rub your eyes to help them come into focus, but your hands were stuck. You kept trying but couldn't move anything. You opened your eyes and saw your room ceiling. That brought you comfort. You turned your head to see Matt hovering over you, gun in hand. "Matt?" You saw your wrists tied to the headboard with one of your hair ribbons. Matt mounted on top of you, his knees hugging your hipbones. You looked back at him, wondering what he was going to do.

"I want to fucking kill you, Pet." He tucked the gun under your chin. Your heart pounded, feeling the cold steel kissing your neck. You shivered uncomfortably. This wasn't Matt. You were terrified of him.

"Are you -"

"Going to?" He finished for you. Your mouth gaped slightly. You weren't sure if you should continue asking questions now. He was playing with you, the very thing that almost drove you away he was doing to you right now. "Maybe. Depends on how honest you are." He pulled the gun back and rested his hands on the bed so his face was closer to yours. "Did you cheat on me?" You knew both of you knew the answer, but he just wanted to play with you like a toy.

"No." You started feeling tears well up. Without hesitation, he wielded the gun across your cheek. Your head flicked to the side, and you felt the welt burning on your face. "Hmph." You whimpered. You felt him get hard instantly. You slowly rolled your neck and looked to see his dick print through his boxers.

"Pet. Let's not lie now." He smirked slightly. He was enjoying this. "Did you cheat on me?" He held the gun handle high. Ready.

"Matt, I would never."

"Shut the fuck up, you fucking lying bitch!" The gun collided with my body. It would bruise, but it was nothing compared to the sting on your cheek.

"I slept with him for money. It's my job." You admitted.

"You cheated," he yelled. "You need to be punished." His voice flipped utterly calm, which unnerved you.

"Punished, how?" You were used to punishment from your job, but you knew it would always be light and shy. They were afraid to hurt you—not Matt. Matt lived for this rush.

"I can't exactly shoot you. That would be too easy. I just need to figure out how to make you... squirm." He slowly trailed the gun down your body as he spoke calmly. The gun halted just as it touched your pelvis.

"Matt, I don't like this." You wanted to be honest about how he was making you feel. He tugged your silk shorts down and smiled.

"But I do." You knew it wouldn't make a difference if you didn't consent.

"Okay." You breathed out. No matter the moment, you still wanted to make him happy. And after everything at the hotel, you felt like maybe you owed him a little happiness, even if it was at your expense. "Easy." You closed your eyes when the barrel tip started moving lower again.

"Did you think of me?" The tip of the barrel moved around your folds. You were only a little wet, nowhere near as much as you should be. He pushed the gun in a little, and you shivered, feeling the cold metal not warm like his dick would have felt.

"Yes. The whole time." You jerked your body, feeling him push it in further.

"Don't lie." His voice was light and airy.

"I want you. Matt." Your breath hitched. He slowly started pushing the gun in and out. For a moment, if your brain could forget it was a gun, it wouldn't have felt that bad. He kept moving it in and out, his eyes locked on your face. He wasn't even concerned about the gun in your pussy.

"How are you going to fix this?" He asked.

"I'll do anything." You wanted this to stop. You wanted him to be inside of you instead.

"Not yet." His eyes were wicked. He started to shove it in and out recklessly. Your arms started feeling heavier as you lay helplessly tied up, being fucked by his gun. You didn't even know he owned a gun. Your insides were beginning to quiver, partially from fear and partially from the now-warm metal gliding in and out of you at a pace no one could naturally replicate. Matt's face was full of anger and thoughts. You didn't fight back or give him the satisfaction of enjoying it. You were numb now, too, just like him.

"Fuck!" His scream shattered the silence, making you jump. "I just want to fucking hurt you!" He retracted the gun and set it down on the bed. His hands grabbed his head. You watched him battle with himself. You wondered what he could possibly be feeling that was causing this rush of needing to cause you immense pain. Within seconds of his hands dropping from his ruffled hair, he reached into his waistband and pulled his cock out. You knew you were about to get what you wanted but were still on edge because this Matt was different. He was anger-driven. He rammed into you without hesitating. Your back arched instantly, and you felt his thickness compared to the gun barrel.

"Ugh." Your moan was expected, but Matt's hands roughly handling you weren't. He smacked you for expressing your pleasure, reigniting the pain the weapon left on your cheekbone. You examined his face. He was stern but void. Still Nothing. He gripped your breasts as he pounded into you rougher and rougher. You were wet. Even though this didn't feel like your typical experience with Matt, it still felt good. "Hmm." You hummed. Matt responded by punching your side.

"Fuck!" He gripped your throat again, ramming in and out of your body. The whole bed was shaking. He needed to hurt you—the insatiable rage building inside him.

"Matt..." You whimpered. Your nerves were picking up again, letting you know they were lower before this moment. The more the bed shook and the faster his pace became, the more uncomfortable he was in between your thighs. He stopped suddenly, making you think you won. "Ar- are you done?" You dared to ask.

"I can't." His head fell low for a second while he caught his breath. His fully erect penis is still buried deep inside you.

"Ca- can't?" You questioned.

"I said I can't." Matt glanced up at your tied body. You did not understand. Matt slowly reached up and started tugging one of your ribbon strings loose. While he untied the silky white ribbon, he mumbled something.

"What?" You couldn't make out his words. Once your hands were free, he helped you move your arms down to your side. He looked you in the eyes, and you saw it. The emotion he carried was thick and finally showing. His fingers slowly increased their grip on your arms as if he were scared you were going to try and get away from him.

"I love you." His eyes quickly closed tightly as if to hide from the words he had just spoken, causing little wrinkles near his cheeks. You watched him as he again dropped his head. You giggled, seeing him timid. You secretly loved knowing you had power over him, even in a small way.

"Matt," you begged him to look at you quietly. He slowly started raising his head, his eyes still hiding from you behind his eyelids. You reached out and gently brushed his floppy brown hair over to the side. He slowly but surely opened his eyes and again looked directly at you. His eyes were still the same, glossed over with emotion. "I love you."

#sadistic!matt ⚠︎#sadistic!matt x masochistic!reader ⚠︎#masochistic!reader ⚠︎#the dark queen ⚠︎#the dark sturniolo queen ⚠︎#the dark sturniolo tumblr ⚠︎#sadistic!matt poll ⚠︎

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jeremiahhawkinsfanfics · 3 months ago

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JAYCE AND VIKTOR’S FIRST NIGHT ON SHARED MATRESS AT THE LAB 🛌😴🥹

You chose this scene in the last poll 😉 thank you all for voting ❤️

Extract from Loving is Caring Chapter 1

Read the whole fic on AO3

The distant strike of Piltover clock tower ticked the very first tock of a new day when they realized they had been starring at the same calculation line for the past twenty minutes.

“I… I think we should call it a day…” Jayce sight, pressing his eyes in his palms.

“We’re so close…” Viktor protested. “We can’t just stop there in the middle of everything. We must find the root of this equation.”

“You’re right… It’s so frustrating…”

Viktor’s brain felt weary, but not completely worn out – good enough to keep going a little longer. The night only just started for him. Yet, he knew all too well his partner didn’t feel the same.

“You can go home if you want. I’ll just stay a little longer. I want to finish this.”

“I don’t know how you can stay focused so late…” his partner laughed. “I’d swear you’ve been raised by bats.”

“You’d be surprised”, Viktor teased.

Jayce stretched his muscles with a weary yawn. His eyes were bloodshot, underlined with heavy eyebags. Viktor’s ones were catching on a new equation to solve and immediately stopped caring about anything else.

“I don’t feel like going home tonight…" Jayce sigh "I think I will just sleep here if you don’t mind.”

“If you can stand the light and the sound of paper scratching, I don’t see any problem.”

“Great… Good night then, Viktor.”

“Sure… Good night, Jayce…” Viktor answered absentmindedly, too focused on his equation.

Numbers and symbols were dancing under his pen. He looked away for a few seconds, just to be able to come back on it with new eyes. The sound of rustling fabric caught his attention. He turned around instinctively, and got stunned by an unexpected view.

On the other side of the room, Jayce was stripping from his clothes, tossing them aside, only keeping his underwear. Under the intimate gaze of moonlight, his back muscles were rolling in gorgeous symmetry below his honey-colored skin, as he was stretching a perfectly straight spine. His shoulders, large and solid, were the very image of strength and could likely lift anything. He was impossibly perfect. No wonder all the Academy girls swooned on his passage.

Viktor soon realized that he was staring, and quickly forced his eyes back to his calculation paper. His heart twitched one more time, but in a different, painful way. The tight clutch of his spinal corset and the weight of his leg brace suddenly felt more present, almost invasive. His jaw clutched. How terribly unfair it was. Until now, he always dismissed any complex on his body by the comforting thought that no one can have everything. Yes, he was crippled, scrawny, with no money, nor family. But he was the smartest person in the room wherever he went, and it always somehow made it even.

Yet Jayce really had it all. He had it all to an enraging level: just as impossibly smart as him, infinitely more handsome, with a loving mother who cooked him his lunch, a respected name among Piltover society, powerful patrons, a kind innocent heart, and beautiful dreams. Viktor was no stranger to the unfairness of life, but that didn’t make it any more pleasant when it was shoved so violently to his face. The pencil leads broke under his angry grip. A heavy sigh escaped his tightened chest. He spared a quick look behind him again, as Jayce was already lying under the indigo blanket, a perfectly serene look on his face, his soft snores echoing in the silent lab.

An endeared smile surprised Viktor on his lips, his anger and envy fading away as fast as they arrived. Life was unfair, for sure, but it was nowhere near Jayce’s fault. He could be mad at fate as much as he wanted, but could not stay angry at his partner. Viktor focused back on his equations. At least this little peak of irritation fueled him with enough energy to go on for a few more hours.

It took three more strikes of Piltovers’ clock tower for him to give up on exhaustion. Gears in his brain were spinning in the void, and his head started to droop. How annoying it was to need rest; if he could just get rid of his needs, he would go on and on, restlessly exploring the universe’s secrets. With a yawn, he resolved to call it a night too, already dreading the long path in front of him until he could collapse in his bed.

He gathered his crutch, stood from his workstation, and turned off the light. A soft snoring drove his attention to his partner. Jayce was lost in a heavy sleep, curled up on the mattress side, as if he anticipated his partner may want to join later. Viktor let a tender smile escape on his lips.

After all, sleeping here meant he could get back to work earlier tomorrow.

He walked to the mattress as silently as he could, and sat on the floor. Mindful of not waking up his partner, he stripped from his clothes and folded them neatly. Carefully, he removed his leg brace, and unbuckled his spinal corset, freeing his marked skin and sore muscles before slipping quietly under the cover. No longer needing a night brace was such a relief; it's been years now he stopped using it, but he still savored the feeling of hiw bare skin and free ribs on the soft sheets. He moved gently on his side, back to Jayce. Seeking the right balance between comfort and space, he made sure his leg was properly settled.

“Mmm… Viktor?” Jayce mumbles through the thin veil of his dreams.

“Yes, don’t wake up, it’s just me”, Viktor whispered.

“… mmm’kay…”

Jayce mumbled something inaudible.

“What did you say?”

“… d’you have enough blanket?”

A soft chuckle escaped Viktor’s lips.

“Yes, I do, don’t worry.”

“… great… Just… Just kick me if I move too much, okay?”

“I will, Viktor laughed. Go back to sleep.”

Jayce moved a little, and fell silent. Only the sound of his heavy breathing could now be heard in the darkness of the lab. Despite his 26 years of existence, it was the first time Viktor actually shared his bed. The few times he got the scientific curiosity to indulge into some lovers’ arms, he made sure to never be around longer than necessary. One could say he was not the romantic type.

Under the blanket, Viktor could feel the warmth radiating of his partners’ body. It was soothing, reassuring in a very primitive way. It made him feel instinctively safe; it was so natural that he could feel all his muscles relaxing, as if his own mind was letting down a guard he never knew he was keeping. Despite turning his back to Jayce, he was incredibly aware of his presence, his exact position, the slightest of his movements, even his chest quietly moving up and down at the peaceful rhythm of his breathing. This sensation was deeply intimate, way more than the few short hours he spent with his past meaningless conquests; intimate to the point of becoming intimidating. He gathered his arms close to his chest, as if he wanted to cover further his slender from. But covering naked skin was helpless to contain raw, shapeless emotions rushing through his soul. It was new, yet strangely familiar, as if coded somewhere in a corner of his brain, intertwined in the very fabric of his being. He seeks words, for a rational explanation, but was short of it. It just felt… like a sip of warm sweet milk in the middle of winter… like the bright colors of flowers blooming on cobblestone… like the caress of evening wind during a sweltering summer… like being welcomed home after a very long trip. Viktor knew no word fitting the emotion. Each time he thought he put his finger on it, close to finally labeling this feeling, he noticed an imperfection, a missing aspect, an irrelevant approximation.

Jayce moved again in his sleep, turning around. A large hand moved under the sheets, and Viktor felt it covering his shoulder with more blankets.

“…g’night Viktor…” Jayce mumbled under his breath.

“Good night, Jayce…”

In the comforting silence of the night, Viktor could hear his heart pound in his chest. That little attention was likely nothing for Jayce, it was even so instinctive and natural that he performed it in his sleep. Yet it was completely new to experience for Viktor. No one ever made him coffee, brought him lunch, anticipated his back pain, left him space in bed, or made sure he wasn’t cold at night.

The odd twitch in his chest was back, but this time Viktor finally identified it. He was feeling… cared for.

Having someone to care for him was a luxury that always remained out of his reach in the undercity, and was not something he was naive enough to expect on the other side of the bridge. Singed words on loneliness being the price for intelligence had always been a truth he never even thought to question. And yet, curled up on this mattress with his partner cozily sleeping by his side, he started to marvel at the idea he may have found a way to escape this curse, to break the probabilities, to experience the anomaly that rarely happens.

His lips widen in a large, bright smile, like they so rarely did in his entire life. His eyes closed, the steady pace of Jayce’s breathing acting on him like a lullaby on a small child. As he felt the familiar embrace of sleep lifting him to a delightful oblivion, Viktor thanked the universe, and made the silent wish for Jayce to never change.

Thank you for reading 😊 Read more on AO3 😉

#jayce talis #jayvik #viktor arcane #arcane #fanfic #jayce x viktor #arcane jayce #act 1 jayce #act 1 viktor #ao3 #one bed for two #one bed trope #fanfiction #loving is Caring

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jasminedragonart · 4 months ago

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I got some interest in the college au and I kind of want to post more about it since it's losing in the polls. If it does lose I'll post some illustrations about it in general since I do think it's a good idea and it's like, something I've brainstormed about for a while.

It's not modern au. Not exactly.

So, about the time the 100 year war started the non benders were tired of all this bender nonsense and decided to cut ties and move elsewhere. They developed their own technology, their own culture, it's basically modern like how we know it. Maybe a lot westernised as well since this is strangely how the atla universe went so I think it makes sense.

So, both worlds sort of live together but they also pretend the other one doesn't exist. This is because the modern world now has like modern warfare so bombs and maybe nukes and the other side has these super soldier powered people that can control the elements so they're in a stalemate.

Travel is not common between them. Like at all. And the modern world takes their non bender status seriously. They almost try and cover up that they exist at all by deporting them back to the bender islands.

Sokka and Katara lived with their parents in this non bender part of the world. Kanna, since I fully believe the bender part of katara's heritage comes from Kanna (hear me out, the benders were already declining with the raids, I believe they were going on for a while at least since Hanna's time and she looks to be the same age as Kanna. This means that either Kya, who is native to the south pole, has dormant bender blood or Kanna has it. I more believe Kanna would have it because Kya made it to adulthood which means if her mother did have bender blood she would have been taken before Kya was born. This means that Kanna, who ran away to escape Pakku, is more likely to have the dormant gene. She comes from the north pole where, even if Kanna was a bender, her bending would be severely limited to healing and nothing else. She wouldn't know what to do with her bending even if she did have it because it's not allowed for women to do more so she could hide it easier since she would have been taught control if nothing more. Kanna, with no abilities shown, is easier to believe that she made it to adulthood, found a man and settled down than Kya's mother which is why I believe katara's gene is from her side and not Kya.)

Anyway. Kanna moved to escape Pakku, as she did in canon, and met a man on the non bender side and had Hakoda. She always warned him there was a possibility of a bender in their family but he, like a lot of second generations, didn't believe she was being serious since the idea of someone being able to control water is ridiculous. So he finds Bato in this new world, the two become besties and go into business together as fishermen. They do their trading at the docks which is where they meet Kya who buys fresh food for her family's restaurant. The two fall in love and have Sokka and Katara.

Everything is fine until Katara shows signs of being a waterbender. Kanna's warning comes back and they try to hide it, but, like a lot of young, untrained benders, it quickly gets out of control. Someone sees Katara waterbend and she's reported. Kya decides to go with Katara. Hakoda fought tooth and nail since it's his blood but Kya took Katara in the middle of the night and since then neither Hakoda or Sokka have hard from Kya and Katara.

Sokka grows up knowing he has a sister and that she has some weird water powers. He starts with comic books, then science, then, when he stumbles online, he finds a whole conspiracy theory about benders. He falls into the rabbit hole and is now fully convinced this secret other part of the world exists. Only problem is he doesn't know how to get there.

He knows how to sail thanks to helping his dad and Bato on the boat after school and on holiday breaks but he doesn't have the funds to buy one himself or the knowledge on how to get to this other land. He looks into flying on a plane but nowhere goes into the dead zone which is where the benders live. He decides to get a job and save up for a boat, except Hakoda tells him outright he needs to go to college. In fact no travelling until Sokka at least tries college out since Hakoda knows his son is too smart not to do some further academics.

Sokka agrees and enrolls in college. He finds he enjoys basically everything about college. (I'm making it a bit more of an american college since I think that makes sense as to why there would be an exchange due to the number of different subjects americans take at university instead of just the one you want to specialise in like in the uk or a lot of other colleges around the world.)

In one of his classes he comes across Suki and Zuko. They're besties who have known each other since they were fifteen and from the get go, Sokka has heart eyes for Suki. He basically only talks to Zuko to ask how he can ask Suki out. Zuko doesn't have any answers because Suki is an enigma to him and he's too busy trying to memorise his lines for his theatre class.

Sokka and Suki date, break up. Sokka falls for the pretty girl Zuko's made friends with Yue and dates her and they break up. All the break ups are amicable and they're besties by the end of the year. By their second year they all chip in on a beat up campervan together figuring it would be less money than an apartment and they can just drive it to classes. It works out great even if they're living a more rural lifestyle than Sokka would have thought.

Sokka starts dating Zuko anyway when he figures out he's bi and Zuko's martial arts competitions are hotter to watch than he realised. Zuko, very awkward and raised in a palace, figures he needs to introduce Sokka to his uncle since they're now at the six month mark and he met Hakoda over winter. He invites Sokka home and it's only when they land in a place where he sees a hybrid animal that Sokka thinks to ask where they are.

The adventure starts from there.

#college au

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tarotnoob · 3 months ago

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Poll result: JK reading April 12, 2025, 2:51 p.m.

kind of surprised that people voted for JK because I've done several JK readings lately but always happy to read for him. Please see below.

Also before I begin, can we just talk about how I did that reading for RM and then 5 hours later he posted. I had the weirdest inclination to read for him and then I felt like he was going to post so soon. But besides that, I felt like his energy stayed with me until I went to sleep. And it was the most amazingly confident male privilege kind of energy. I was like do men feel like this all the time? I didn't want it to go away.

Moving on. Let's talk about the spread that I got for JK. I asked about 2025, particularly from now on until after enlistment. I don't want to be too intrusive so we'll talk about love as a topic but I won't try to see anything in particular or if I do, I won't share. But we can talk about things because I've expressed in a previous reading about his love language.

Things I want to remember before I begin is when I looked at the seven of pentacles at the back of the deck, I started saying I've been waiting for a girl like you. I want to remind myself of that in case something comes up.

That could also be his penchant for singing about things as they are happening. I don't know if you do this where you might be cooking or something and you start singing about spaghetti because you're making spaghetti. I've noticed that he does this already as a habit. And yet when he does it it's always related to something happening in that moment. And so I feel like there's this really intense feeling of anticipation and eagerness to get to work. And to start doing things from a new beginning.

I almost feel like he's basically chomping at the bit to get out of military to get back to work. I think that they will express this after they get out, but I think for him it's been pretty difficult. Because it's monotonous and it's taken time away from work. I don't think he is bitter or anything. I think it was difficult but I don't think you'll hear him complaining about how hard it was. At least not publicly.

I feel like the ten of wands is what is kind of representing that feeling of the past 18 months but we do have a couple of tens here and then we have an ace of cups, so there's definitely this feeling of okay we're finally at the finish line and it's going to be a fresh start, I can start working, I can start getting organized, we can start getting back into some type of system. And by system I mean like a feeling of normalcy. Like that kind of different schedule of whatever BTS will have to do to to adjust from that military regimen to that similar kind of disciplined work regimen.

I think that he's going to be a little tight-lipped for a bit. Or a little bit out of communication because the cards sometimes did not want to come out almost like it was being held in. There were a couple of decks that came out quick but for the most part, I don't know if he still needs to get his thoughts together on something or there will be this moment of protecting his energy and protecting his thoughts and not really letting anything out. That doesn't mean he might not do lives, I just mean he will be holding back. Or is currently holding back.

Because I do see the five of wands, that could be related to not wanting to stir up any drama or not wanting to start any unnecessary conflict at the moment because he's focusing on other things. Not that he really stirs up drama on his own but I mean I think he's going to withdraw purposely so that anything he says or does won't be specifically linked to any kind of Internet drama or whatever.

In terms of timeline it's interesting that the emperor and the hierophant came out since that's the current timing. So that's why I think that some things are just a little bit difficult for him right now mostly because he's right at the edge of being able to do what he wants. Maybe these months have been a little bit slower than the other months. I do wonder if there will be a bit of an adjustment period for him in the next several months. Like up until the Virgo time period.

Something else that I noticed because the first card I pulled was the cactus card. And I feel like from that what I got is this is somebody who is able to sustain themselves in even the driest environment. Like even if it's difficult, he can adapt in some way. The back of the deck was also lotus so this makes me think of two flowers that are able to survive in an environment that might seem unpleasant. One lives kind of in a bog while the other lives in a dry desert. And yet they still are able to persevere. This might be something that he's imagined during his time in the military.

Like even how do I want to put it because I think in his mind it's almost artistic in the way that he's envisioning it but not being conscious of the fact that how he's thinking about it is rather poetic. Or maybe he really is visualizing himself in terms of a flower because it's actually like the simplest way to explain a complex concept right. How can we say something as complicated as okay I went through this difficult thing and yet I was able to persevere and not just that but something beautiful came out of it. That was a lot of words whereas he seems like the type of artist that instead of using words like RM, he might understand visual concepts better. Which is probably why he gravitates toward video

I don't think he realizes that that in itself is a pretty cool talent that maybe only visual artists have or even writers. Where you have this feeling or an idea and instead of it coming out through words, it comes out through an image in your mind. So what I'm saying is you know he might feel this way right and he can't articulate it necessarily, but in his mind suddenly he's imagining a lotus or a cactus because that's the symbol of what this feels like.

I think that probably also is something that I hadn't really thought of in terms of his artistic take on things. I mean I know he said that video is the simple way of showing something without any room for guessing. Like that's how he explained it but I think there's more to that. And maybe he hasn't been able to tap into this in terms of songwriting. I know he has said things like in are you sure where he doesn't have a lot of thoughts. But I think it's because he's comparing himself to other members who write. But the truth is you can learn to write around a concept.

Back in the days when I wrote a lot of fiction online, I would use music. Granted, I could be inspired by moments in a movie. Kind of like how jimin wrote a song based around a movie that he watched. And I'm sure JK can kind of do this, where he could listen to music and have an image in his mind and then that inspires something that plays out in his head like a movie and then he could write lyrics based around that. Maybe that's why he's been able to do a couple of soundtrack songs because okay now he has a vision and something that he can write to. Between you and me one of my favorite songs that he's done is that one for that comic thing that I didn't even read. And yoongi wrote it.

Anyway, point being is besides that take on the cactus card, with the ace of cups, I am kind of getting that similar feeling of finding some type of Hope or refreshing moment in even the most difficult times. Almost like inspiration. Not just having the time to think about things and get inspired but the moment in self being what is inspiring.

So I do think that at this moment or shortly very shortly, he is going to be inspired about getting to work. But not just getting to work, I do get the sense that there is a specific project that if he already hasn't started as a solo project that he's already started working with maybe with jimin to contribute to the next BTS album. Or maybe even both. Because I definitely have the sense that there are solid things already in the works.

I feel like it's non-stop thinking and talking about songs or albums or whatever. When they said that all they do is talk about the future, I am feeling almost exhausted by the amount of talking they do about this. Like the people around them even if they're like yay BTS members are in our bunk or whatever, they're also like damn do they ever shut up about this stuff. Because when I look at the ten of pentacles here, I feel like this is two people who are constantly yapping about work. Every little pentacle is like a dialogue bubble about work. And it's almost like the dogs and that guy sitting on the bench are just exhausted listening to them.

I think maybe that's a good thing for both of them but particular for JK to be able to articulate what he wants from work and his expectations and working on specific projects. I think constantly talking about it and then getting to the finish line is what's really kind of ramping up his excitement about getting back to work on music.

Let's kind of move on to some of the oracle cards cuz I could probably keep going. We have goodbye to the old and hello to the new which I think also fits this kind of crazy anticipatory energy. It says you've finished one part of your life and now a new and even better part is beginning. And that definitely ties in with this ace of cups and the lotus and the cactus. We also have holiday the answer you're looking for can be found during a vacation, retreat, or holiday getaway.

I think in general this doesn't have to specifically be a holiday but just the idea of finally having freedom. But since the cards often mean multiple things at once, I would venture to guess that when he gets out, he might go on a brief vacation or holiday or even BTS as a whole once they go out we'll kind of go on a holiday to have a bit of a reunion and kind of bond and talk about projects. It's also interesting that in the holiday card, purple is a very strong color there so definitely I'm more definitely getting the impression that it's all of the members.

So I wouldn't be surprised if over the summer, we hear about them going to a private place and just working on stuff. I would actually suggest that not to be specific on where they're going but because of this goodbye to the old hello to the new and there's so many flowers and it feels like summer, they might go somewhere that's by water or you know it doesn't have to be out of Korea but it's a place that would be experiencing summer right now with flowers and Bloom, maybe there's a lake nearby, if they go out of Korea it would be somewhere more tropical and warm looking but like I don't know why they would need to do that unless they're doing bon voyage somewhere. But yeah it's interesting that in both of those cards the figures are kind of darker in skin color and wearing white and purple. So this is definitely something that will take place during the summer.

We also have more timing in terms of new moon and Leo, which says shine and then followed by a Virgo card that says assess the situation. So clearly things will be happening I think from this time until Virgo that will be interesting or the cards that I have right now are basically dealing with things that will happen in that time frame for JK.

It's interesting that there's a lot of emphasis on flowers here for me. I think in July, that's when he might come out more of being hidden away like I was talking about. Where it felt like he was holding back so expect around the Leo time, for him to be more active either on social media or even releasing something or doing some type of performance. But definitely during Leo time, he has to be coming out with something.

Assess the situation is interesting because there's also a do some research card at the back of the deck and then this one card that talks about finances and career that says financial issues are a factor in your love life right now.

So maybe around the time where the Virgo season is happening, there could be something that comes up. I'm not sure what it is because it's not very clear to me. I almost feel like the seven of pentacles is also involved in this. But it's I guess because it's so personal I don't really know what it is. But there is the sense of figuring something out. I can tell you that it has to do with mature adult issues beyond what JK normally thinks about. I don't know what that could be. Maybe that's because I can't relate to it. This could be something that only really rich successful people deal with like finances, investments, contracts, stuff that is serious in that kind of nature that only he would know about or people on his level would know about. And there will be a moment where he kind of needs to figure that stuff out.

It's weird how it feels so serious but I mean of course he's also still a business person, so he deals with this whole other realm of things that most of us won't really know unless we are that famous. It doesn't really feel attached to BTS. In terms of contracts you know. It feels like higher than that. But it's not quite investments or property. It does feel long-term. I just don't know what that would be? I'm too poor to understand. It almost feels like someone thinking of taking on a bigger role in a company. You know like if somebody knows that they are going to shift into a CEO position.

So maybe within the company or even related to the industry, he's going to step into some kind of important role. I can tell you that it's not because somebody gives it to him, I feel like it's something he's been considering and wants to do and I don't feel like there's a lot of worry about it. Almost as if somebody wanted to step up to manage something. Anyway. You get the idea. So even if it's not within his own company, but what else would it be, I feel like you'll hear by fall that he will take a bigger step up in terms of work and responsibility. Or okay maybe this is an agenda. Like you know when somebody has a cause and then they start a charity or start a platform. What comes to mind might be an agency or setting up policies that protect younger artists or protect artists in general more in terms of protecting them from businesses who would take advantage of them.

I get a good feeling about that. But I also feel like that could stir up some interesting conflict so we'll see.

I just like how I feel when I think about it because he feels so determined and so sure and so in the right place as in like it's coming from a self-righteous but not pompous kind of thing. It's just so I'm going to do this. I believe in this.

Let's talk about the love cards. It does say romantic feelings. Your feelings are real and worth exploring. The back of the deck says soulmate yes this is your soulmate. And then we have the finances and career, financial issues are a factor in your love life right now. I won't speak about any particular people but let me give you a scenario of what that says even though I think it's obvious.

I would guess that he has feelings for somebody. I would say that not to say it will be difficult but obviously his career will have an influence on that relationship whether he talks about it or it's open. I would guess that he would consider that person to be very compatible and maybe like a soulmate to me it doesn't feel like a new connection. Because it feels very deep and mature. The finances in career I'm definitely pinning to the seven of pentacles though. So I just all of the times that he has said that he focuses on work, I do think that's true. I think him having a relationship is definitely particularly influenced by his career.

I don't think that would be a surprise to anybody. Some other things that I can talk about that I get just from these few cards would be he's very romantic. I think he's very physically affectionate when he's with somebody. Like touching constantly, likes kissing, likes romance, probably very much likes foreplay, likes to please his lover. I think his ideal date would be being somewhere intimate and not a lot of people, particularly just having somebody come to his house. They watch TV, they listen to music, they make dinner there.

I think he loves the idea of just having intimate time with just himself and the other person. I feel like he hasn't been able to obviously experience those types of intimate moments as much as he could outside of military. So there is also anticipation in being able to have those moments with someone again. We can also talk about his taste based on these cards that I'm seeing and I'm looking at the romantic feelings and soulmate cards just looking at the images right.

So you can look at them and you can see that's where I got this concept of intimacy. These couples are pretty much alone, they look very much in love, his partner seems to be very classy, sexy, beautiful. The kind of person that a Renaissance painter would paint and find beautiful and lovely and charming. What's interesting too is that in each of the images, the couple's hair matches. So he would definitely want to do the usual Korean thing of kind of matching clothes and even hair to his person.

I think for Western people this is a strange concept, but when I went to Korea this past summer, and I actually saw it I was like okay. It's weird to me. I don't really understand it fully. If couples did that in the US, it would be kind of corny. But that's just like a couple coded thing that people do there. And it works for them, so that's fine. His partner would be elegant. want to say like demir and have these really lovely feminine qualities.

But I want to tell you that even if that's true and the person he's with is very elegant and classy and beautiful, this feels like a projection and a fantasy that he's putting forward. This is how he envisions his partner and his love life... It's very romanticized. Just like how I was talking about how his creative process is to envision something or he has to envision something in a certain way. Like into symbolic visual representations of whatever he's feeling

That's the same here so there's like this fantasy or projection about romance and love that feels very pride and prejudice. Whether or not this is how his real life romantic life lives out, this is what his ideal is. Flowers and romantic ambiance and physical affection and intimacy and being somehow connected to that person in an obvious way whether it's matching clothes or hair.

In terms of taking the lead, yeah for the most part well I guess if you look at the cards which my finance card flew under my coffee table so that's interesting oh wait no that was the romantic feelings one. That's interesting that it flew under and I was thinking of the closet but anyway. Regardless of his interests, I mean you just know that there's a feeling of needing to keep romantic feelings under the wraps. Or maybe he struggles actually with keeping those feelings hidden. Maybe he thinks it's unfair that idols can't express those things about relationships so openly.

But yeah let's talk about some stuff right. I think he likes kissing an awful lot. I think his favorite parts are going to be the waist and I know that's weird but that's where this guy is holding this one woman and then maybe like the shoulder clavicle region or I should say like the neck. I'm sure there are other places he likes as well but we don't need to talk about that. I'm getting more of the romantic version of things, not the sexual things. And that's more his business.

I would be really curious to know the things that in an intimate moment and I don't mean during sex, I mean during kissing or making out and in this ideal intimate setting, the two couples seem to be talking like whispering to each other and sharing something intimate. And he seems really engaged and even turned on by that. So I guess you could infer that some type of I don't want to say dirty talk because that might be a thing but that's not what I'm getting here. I'm getting more like praise. He might have a praise kink or he gives that to somebody. I know that's a joke sometimes in the BTS fandom, but I mean literally I'm seeing this woman maybe complimenting him or saying something sweet and complimentary and this is really doing it for him.

So sure he may like to give out compliments or have a dirty mouth himself. But what is really effective on him is praise. Sweet things. Feeling reassured. And it doesn't come from a place of what some might think in terms of how do I want to put it. Like a fantasy of BDSM or anything. And that could be a whole other topic. We're just talking about general intimate times.

What really makes him feel good is that praise and knowing that he is loved and also the times where he is being taken care of as in his feelings are being considered and he can be open and himself and talk and say whatever he wants and that person is really present and listening to him. Like this really does something for him. I don't know if it turns him on per se, and I don't know if he's even aware of how much this is important to him. But like inside me, I feel like I have these crazy fireworks going off at the thought of just being with the person that I love, we're sitting on the couch in like the basement, maybe there's a romantic movie on and in the background or some music. And we're just together. And that person is telling me like just the sweetest things about how much they enjoy being with me or I don't know. It's very warm and it's very sweet and I'm kind of jelly.

And that's what he wants to project now. He's not projecting anything raunchy. And we don't really need to know the details of his sex life other than I'm sure he is very giving. But end game, no matter what, he is envisioning that he wants to end up with his soulmate. That's his fantasy.

What else would you want to know about? I think the mindful and hope cards are pretty much what I've already talked about. I think he is currently being a little bit more mindful of the things that he puts out especially on social media. I also do think the Hope card is similar in that there's hope for the future and more than that I'm getting like that feeling of inspiration. There's a pumpkin in the picture which makes me think of the fall. It could literally be that he's working on a project with j-hope that maybe would be released around October. Or if not that then like I told you about that project. Or charity or platform maybe we'll hear more about that in the fall. It could even be like some type of platform or donation to raise food for something or some type of bigger cause like that.

And maybe that ties into mindful as well he's going to be even more generous with charities and get involved in more platforms and be thinking more about these complex things going on in the world than he has before.

I just think going back to that Virgo card about assess the situation on top of thinking about work and songs and stuff there have been a lot of conversations and times to think about bigger issues and more complex things happening in the world and what JK thinks about those things.

We haven't really talked about the tarot even though I kind of brought them in. Again I think there have been some struggles along the 18-month journey here of being in the military. I think it was especially difficult for him because he probably doesn't really like routines like this and being told what to do and but I mean he managed fine. I also see in these cards definitely a lot of working out and maybe even like learning some hand-to-hand combat or competitive things that would have happened with the other military people.

Besides seeing the ten of wands as being just about a difficulty that has kind of lasted for a bit of time, I'm also seeing this as somebody who's literally gotten bigger and has been lifting all this weight. Same with the five of wands, besides there being kind of you know some conflict going on, I see that as competitive things that are happening. Friendly competitions or other conflicts that we may never even learn about unless he shares them.

Eight of pentacles, besides working hard while in the military, I'm seeing this as part of the ear to get back to work on songs or having already been working on that kind of stuff. The emperor and the hierophant to me are mostly about the timing of Aries and Taurus which are now. So this could be just the thoughts and feelings that I've described in this reading so far are kind of blanketing that time... So like it's still difficult, he's still working hard in the military, he's doing competitive things there, he is probably working on music. I feel like he has become more organized and disciplined in the way that he performs work.

But I think this is just describing his situation in the military if we're going by timing. I do think that there is Hope on the horizon for him, when you see this ace of cups. It's also getting him excited about being creative, I feel like he's also seeing getting out of the military as an opportunity to start over. It also might be a next step in terms of any romantic relationships that are happening. Like a new step in that area as well.

Ten of pentacles, I also see he might have a new outlook on health as well as you know obviously this being related to work or family. I just feel like he's going to get out of here and have this whole new perspective at least at first about how much he appreciates his freedom. I think he'll be working on this new health plan. He might have like a new health kick regarding how he eats. I almost felt like maybe he'll give up smoking too. I f****** hate that he smokes it makes me so mad. I don't care what anybody says. Lung cancer is one of the top reasons why people die in South Korea because smoking is so pervasive among their youth. I saw it with my own eyes and it made me so sad.

So he might be considering a more healthy lifestyle. Food changes, working out changes, the smoking things. I feel like he's going to become more conscientious about health. We have a Virgo card and the ten of pentacles often relates to health. So again I feel like he's assessing things related to being healthy or what it means to be healthy. At least I hope or he might even get a doctor who says in the near future you know you really need to do this or that

There might suddenly be something that he can't do diet wise anymore if it's like gluten or dairy. I feel like that's going to become more serious and he'll have to be more strict with how he does certain things. I know this is minor but something about water. The ace of cups being offered next to a health card and somebody who is giving advice like the hierophant definitely makes me feel that it could be about drinking more water or some medical thing related to hydration or needing to take a type of medicine. But anyway just more thoughts about being healthier in terms of his body.

And if this hasn't happened already it could be that it happens more around the Virgo time where something does come up with his health and he has to really think about his future. And I am getting that if he doesn't know about it yet which he probably has encountered some dietary restrictions in the past few years, it could be that and Virgo time something more serious comes in about that and he has to manage that or it could even be he's diagnosed with something and takes on that platform of making people more aware of whatever this thing is.

Like when people get sickle cell and then they want to talk about that. I don't know if it's health or if it will be that business related thing that I talked about but I do feel like he's going to be stepping up more to take on a platform individually. I'm not talking about just BTS doing United Nations that kind of thing I'm talking about JK supporting some type of platform that is meaningful to him specifically. Either related to health stuff or related to taking care of young artists or even both. He's thinking about it now I think but he's not ready to open up about things quite yet but from the end of July to late September or even into early fall, expect something like that.

Let's see in terms of numbers, I guess I see two fives and two tens... So in terms of numbers, there's emphasis on cycles and completing things as well as changes and challenges and difficulty. That could speak mostly about this military journey though because clearly that cycle is coming to an end and I imagine it wasn't super easy. But I do think that cycle is coming to an end and like that one card says goodbye to the old hello to the new.

In terms of colors, there's a lot of purple which is tied to both the crown and if you call it indigo then we could also say it's like your third eye type stuff so spirituality is big here as well as the color red which usually is about stability and structure which is pretty typical of an earth sign. There's also a lot of yellow so solar plexus and being confident there's a little bit of blue running through as well that would have to do with communication. Because the blue is so little I do wonder if this is tied to holding back about communicating certain things.

My guess is it's more coming from a place of needing to be responsible about something...

And even where there is blue, it's cards like ten of wands and the five of wands so I do think there is some type of difficulty in being able to communicate as openly as he wants to or even finding the time to communicate. Maybe particularly because he doesn't feel comfortable talking about what he's really feeling and that could be a military thing or it could be a part of the not wanting to start extra drama or conflict saying anything like really emotionally vulnerable or serious right now.

I think the focus has just been on being authentic in other ways and thinking about complex topics even if he's not aware of it and grounding himself in other ways. I think a lot of this is a natural process that he hasn't consciously been thinking about or realizing though he's aware of it. I think it's been a bigger transformation for him than he is even aware of now. It might be that once he steps out of the military headspace, he might see how much he got out of that situation or how much he learned about himself or the world or other people.

But I think that you will see that he's changed a lot once we are able to view him in public situations or more lives, I think you will see a noticeable maturity in him. I think he won't be as like I don't know I think he'll be a little bit more reserved to start. And I think that he's going to be more careful about his word choices from now on and be even more subtle than he probably already is and trying to get things through to his fans. Except for around Leo season, he might get a little wild for some reason or do something or at least be out there maybe it's just performing. And you might see something to do with sunflowers. That's really random but I often associate sunflowers with him anyway. He always carries around a lot of Leo energy with him even though I don't really think it's much in his chart

Except maybe his moon but

So I don't really see anything else but I feel stands out and that is a fair amount. I'm really anxious to see what happens for him in the fall and what he decides to become a champion of. And I also just think he'll be really busy focusing back on career and other things that he needs to take care of revolving around his own finances or whatever. And you can always make your own deductions from the cards. In terms of the elements and stuff too there was a lot of what to fire, actually three fire when you count the emperor and then three Earth when you count the hierophant and the water. There's not a lot of swords. Not a lot of you know like I said communication or thoughts and stuff. But I personally think it's just being hidden. And his energy is hiding that. Clearly homeboy probably is having lots of thoughts. And having conversations on the side with whomever.

But my impression is that there is a conscious effort to have withdrawn communication during this time and might continue to be that way for just a little bit longer. And even then I think he's going to filter his thoughts about things a bit. I could be wrong and maybe he'll blurt out all kinds of crazy stories but I am just feeling like because like how I told you that in the way that the cards shuffled out that there was sometimes a desire to push out two cards at once and sometimes it took me several shuffles before anything came out. So there's something definitely that he's holding back on doing and part of me thinks it is conscious and then part of me is like well he probably does want to talk but feels like he can't so you know it is what it is ...

I think you know if I ever talked with him I would want to talk about writing songs that are meaningful to him. I have thoughts on Golden as an album and then I have thoughts on the things that JK used to work on that were written by him. And I'm concerned that he thinks that he has an inability to come up with songs because he doesn't have anything that he thinks about. Of course he has things that he thinks about but I think he keeps comparing himself to other members.

And I don't doubt that he believes that he is a singer and that's what he wants to do but you can be a singer and a songwriter. I know he looks up to people like Billie eilish who are amazing songwriters and now that she's come out as well she obviously has more that she can probably work with and sing about. And I think when you admire people like that you probably want to do things like they are. So I hope that he is able to see himself differently that he figures out his process for how he can take whatever he feels or sees internally as symbols and can turn them into words or even if he can't do that on his own, if he can work with songwriters that are actually willing to listen to those things and help them write those kinds of songs

Because I would love to see him fulfill that part of himself where he could be really proud of a song that he writes that conveys something he felt. I think it comes from a place of insecurity personally. And hopefully with golden he was able to experience what it's like to sing for different genres and maybe now we'll consider doing a project where he is more involved in the songwriting. Or at least writing a couple songs for the next BTS album. Even if it's a collaboration of some sort. I'd like to see him game more confidence in that and realizing that he does have something to say.

And maybe that's another reason why the swords aren't here is he's still working out how to communicate those things. The visual of the feelings is coming through very clearly. I just don't know why he can't transform that vision into writing. It's something I can't do either. I have always been able to visualize my stories like a movie but if you ask me to write poetry I would want to throw myself through a window because I don't really get poetry even though I love songs which are essentially poetry. But poetry itself I don't really get and I bet JK struggles with that too even though he's clearly a romantic guy who can create videos that have this wonderful sort of aesthetically romantic appeal like all the gcfs are so visually pretty and tell this certain narrative but how can you transfer that skill into writing words and songs.. can you learn? I don't know. If you asked me to suddenly write songs and poetry myself it would be very difficult.

Some people just have a certain skill for those things like RM and suga... And jimin with face to me was able to find a way to write about those things but I really think the people around him helped him figure out that process and I hope JK is able to figure out that process because I think he will be more satisfied as an artist once he understands the satisfaction that could come with writing a song that is exactly how he feels and then other people can relate to it. Or even if he becomes an artist who expresses that feeling through a story like still with you. That's a beautiful song that isn't about a specific moment or feeling but conveys a very strong image of a place or story. Like every time I hear it I'm immediately thinking of a jazz bar and it's raining outside and there's kind of this romantic moment happening. Now he's created a concept just like somebody could with a video but he's done it through a song. So he can do it. I just wish she would believe in himself more. He's more than just a great singer. And there's nothing wrong with being a great singer. I just think that he's afraid to be ambitious because he doesn't think he can do it.

#Jungkook #Tarot #BTS #tarot reading #jeon jungkook

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whatsk-poppinhomies · 1 year ago

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Pairing : Dad!Seo Changbin x F!Reader TW : heavily triggering content ; reader discretion is advised ; stillborn child ; depression ; anger ; self hatred ; isolation ; it's just really sad and angsty ; Word Count : 2.9k Request : it won the poll! Here he is! A/N : PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS BEFORE YOU READ THIS FIC! I CRIED WHILE WRITING THIS! THIS WAS PROBABLY THE SADDEST ONE I'VE WRITTEN, SADDER THAN FELIXS FIC. I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD DO A PART 2 FOR THIS ONE, LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS. AGAIN THOUGH, READ THE TW'S I BEG OF YOU. THIS ONE IS DEVASTATING, AT LEAST FOR ME IT WAS.

“I can’t wait to hold you and hug you and cuddle you! You’re gonna be daddy’s little princess, aren’t you?” Changbin cooed as he pressed his face against your stomach, smiling when he felt the kick against his hand that had been absentmindedly rubbing circles right above where her foot was. “I’m gonna spoil you and give you the whole world, I promise… Well, maybe not the whole world, I don’t think I can do that… But, I’ll give you anything you want. You’re so precious to me already, I can’t wait to meet you…”

You chuckled lightly, brushing your fingers through his curly locks, shaking your head that rested upon a mound of pillows. “You better keep all those promises, babe. I know she can hear you, and she’s gonna hold you to all of that. And so am I. You get to hold her and hug her and cuddle her the first week I’m out of the hospital. I’m gonna lay in bed and rest after carrying her for 9 months.”

He nodded excitedly up at you before peppering kisses along your belly. “I’ll just quit my job so I can be a super cool stay at home dad and I’ll spend so much time with her. How am I even supposed to go back to work when you and her are gonna be here? I wanna spend every single day with you two.” He pouted and you swiped your finger along his jutted out lip, giving him a soft smile to try to cheer him up.

“We’ll be here when you get home, and before you go to work. And I’m sure that once she’s old enough, I’ll be able to bring her to the studio to see you and the guys.” He nodded his head along with your words, relaxing once more against your stomach, his buff arms wrapped around it and the silence was soon filled with the lulling sound of him humming to you and your baby girl.

///

“Sir, we have to take her now…”

Changbin sat in the chair beside your empty bed, holding his daughter close to his chest as tears poured down his cheeks, his body rocking back and forth. “Just a little bit longer, please…. My wife hasn’t even gotten to see her yet. Y-You can’t take her before my wife gets to hold her… Please…” He sobbed, his head dropping down to look down at the porcelain like face of his baby girl.

“I’m… I’m sorry… Your wife is in recovery and… She won’t be awake… We can’t just let you keep her. I’m terribly sorry, we have to take her now.” The nurse repeated themselves, walking closer to Changbin. His head shook violently as his sobs became louder, his hold on his daughter tighter than it had been before.

There was no way to describe the pain, the devastation, the anger that he felt. “I can’t… I…” He couldn’t even finish, not when he felt the stillness of his daughter in his arms, the way her skin was so colorless, she almost looked like a doll. “Just a little… I have to… I have… I… T-To say… I have to say… G-Goodbye… To her…” He stammered the words out through shaky breaths, and the nurse simply nodded, allowing Changbin to have this final moment.

Trembling fingers gently brushed over the dark hair that covered his daughter's head, her skin felt cold against his finger tips. It was the first and the last time he’d ever get to hold her, that he’d ever get to see her. Life was cruel in its punishments that seemed to be thrown upon those most undeserving of them. What had he done? What had you done to deserve to have your newborn child stolen from you without the opportunity to even cherish her, to love her, to get to know her?

“I’m so… So sorry…” Changbin whimpered, his head shaking as it felt against the back of the chair. His throat was dry and his eyes felt like they were on fire from crying so much. “I would have… I… The world… I would have given you the world if… if you had just… stayed here with us… Me and y-your mommy… We love you… We love you so much… You know that, right? I don’t wanna… L-Let them take you a-away from me… I just… I wanted to h-hold you… And… And hug you… And cuddle you… F-forever… And… I just… I can’t…” His breaths came more rapidly now, more labored as the seconds slowly ticked down the last little bit of time that he’d have with her. “You’ll… You’ll always be… M-My little girl… My princess… I promise… I’ll come see you… O-One day… When daddy and mommy… When we get r-really old… We’ll come s-see you… And I can… I can hold you… And love you… And hug you… And I won’t e-ever let you go… Okay…? I… I love you…”

The door was slowly opened and the nurse quietly came over to Changbin. This was it. Once she was out of his arms, she’d be gone for good, he’d never be able to see her again, not until his final day came. How was he supposed to stay strong? How was he supposed to go on with his life at any point as if a piece of his heart hadn’t been ripped out of his chest and stolen from him right before his eyes? How was he supposed to live when simply breathing and living felt unfair?

///

You sat in the wheelchair, Changbin beside you, one hand gripping tightly onto yours and the other holding the multitude of flowers and “Sorry” balloons that he wanted nothing to do with. Sure, people were sorry, they felt bad for what he and you had gone through, but none of them truly understood it, not until they were unfortunate enough to be put in the same situation, and for their sakes, he hoped they never would be.

“We’ll be home soon, baby.” Changbin whispered to you, although home didn’t seem very welcoming. Not when the room across the hall from his and yours was fully decorated, a beautiful nursery for a beautiful little baby girl that would never be brought through the front door. She would never lay her head in the crib, covered by the quilted blanket that was meant to keep her warm. She would never become attached to one or many of the stuffed animals that were perfectly set up in the corner of the room. She would never be cradled in the rocking chair, rocked back to sleep during the wee hours of the morning. Neither you or Changbin would experience these things, not with the perfect little girl that you both had been waiting for.

Flashing lights and camera shutters clicking met both you and Changbin right outside the hospital exit as you were wheeled out. You were out of it, zoning into a world, into a reality where maybe your daughter was still with the two of you. Your eyes were glossed over from the tears that you had shed nonstop. These were the images of you that would be plastered all over the internet within the next 12 to 24 hours, and that had Changbin fuming.

“Back up! Back up!” Changbin shouted, his voice hoarse and his throat dry from having cried so much. How could people be so heartless, so cruel? They didn’t care about what he and you had just gone through. The only thing they cared about was the next story they could come out with that would make headline news. “Please, leave me and my wife alone! Go! Leave!” He continued to shout, standing in front of you as the security team tried to help push through the overwhelming amount of paparazzi.

“Changbin! How are you feeling right now?” “When do you plan on returning to music?!” “Will your next album have songs that touch base on what you’ve gone through?” The questions were irritating, the complete lack of respect was sickening, but there was one question that had Changbin so infuriated that he couldn’t control himself. “Do you think now that you won’t have a child to worry about, you’ll be able to focus more on your music once again without the child holding you back? Do you think this is a good thing for your career?”

It was insensitive to say the least, and he didn’t even take a second to question himself as to whether it would be a good idea to react, his fist was flying forward into the face of the man that had so stupidly uttered such a thing in his direction. “Get out of here! Go home! All of you!” He screamed, a fresh wave of tears rippling down his cheeks as he tried to move you faster towards the car. “Respect mine and my wife’s privacy. Please! God, please just leave us alone!” He continued to scream, and it seemed like the way he had responded to the man had quieted the mass amount of people. They weren’t asking any questions, but they were still taking pictures and recording you and him. They wouldn’t stop. It wasn’t their pain to feel, they would just report on it and make a quick buck off of someone else’s suffering. It was nauseating.

///

“She… She hasn’t let go of her urn since we’ve gotten it. I don’t know what to do… I can’t take it away from her. She didn’t even get the chance to hold her… This is all she’s got… But I’m worried about her…” Changbin whispered to Chan as they sat in the living room. Changbin was a mess, but you were far worse. He had gotten to say goodbye, you didn’t even have the chance to do that much. There was a hole left in your heart that no one would ever be able to fill or even patch up. He felt guilty for being able to have that small amount of time with his daughter, for being able to have that chance that was taken away from you. “She won’t eat… She won’t even leave the bedroom. She just… She keeps crying and… And I don’t know what to do… I feel so helpless.”

Changbins face fell into his palms, his body shaking as he silently cried into his hands. It felt like that’s all he did anymore. He just cried. There was nowhere that he could go in the house where he wasn’t hit with the stark reminder of what he had lost. “She’s grieving, Bin… Everyone does that in their own way. You both lost your child… Before you even had the chance to even have her truly. I can’t… The pain that you both feel is unimaginable, and… We’re all here for you, for Y/N. But right now, you two need each other more than anything.” Chan explained, and while Changbin nodded his head in understanding, it was easier said than done.

It was hard to be there for someone emotionally when he himself felt like he was falling apart. “She won’t talk to me… She won’t talk to anyone. I’ve been keeping her family updated, but they’re just as worried as I am. They want her to come home for a bit for a change of scenery… What the hell is that going to do?! And what am I supposed to do if she leaves?! Stay here and… And be by myself with all of this stuff… With all of her stuff?! I can’t even go to the damn bathroom or take a shower without breaking down because the little shampoo bottles are on the tub and the… the little bath seat… and her towels and… God, it’s like… It’s like she’s here but… but I know she’s not…”

There was no easy way to comfort anyone who went through what both you and Changbin went through, maybe there was no way to comfort the two of you at all, not right now at least. “Maybe… Maybe you and Y/N can go on a trip or something, just to get away from it all. The guys and I, we can start taking down all the stuff for when-”

“No!” Changbin blurted out, his head shaking fast as he stared at Chan with wide eyes. “You can’t… You can’t take her stuff… That's all we have left. Just… Just give us time… We’re not ready. We lost her… We don’t want to just… get rid of her… We just need time…”

///

“Baby…” Changbin whispered softly, his fingers brushing through your hair as you laid beside him in bed. Your daughter's urn sat on the nightstand, and while it hurt him to see it there, your reasoning for having it right beside you was too heartbreaking for him to want to move it. “Are you still awake?” He asked, feeling your body shaking ever so slightly. It was clear that you had just finished crying, he just wasn’t sure if you had cried yourself to sleep or if you had just run out of tears.

You hummed quietly in response, taking a raspy breath before rolling over to face him. It felt like it had been ages since he got to see your face, but the puffiness under your eyes and your chapped lips had his heart breaking into tinier pieces. You looked broken, and he didn’t even know where to begin to try to help put you back together. “I’m… I’m sorry… That I couldn’t… Give you your… Perfect baby… And I’m… I’m sorry that… That the fans are m-mad at you… F-For not making music… And… And I’m sorry… That… That I haven’t been there… For you…”

The choked out words that left your mouth had Changbin absolutely shocked, confused, and devastated that you felt that way. He didn’t even know that that was the way you were feeling, and if he had known before, he would have done his best to try to push those thoughts out of your head. “Baby, it’s not your fault. None of it is your fault. It’s no one's fault. I don’t want you to blame yourself… You still… You gave me the most beautiful baby girl, the most perfect baby girl in the whole world. God, I wish you could have seen her… I’m so sorry you couldn’t. She was… She was like an angel… She really was. She… She looked like you, I could already see it… She was beautiful, and she was already so loved… She knew you loved her…”

“Did you tell her…? Did you tell her I love her?” You asked, and Changbin quickly nodded his head, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you against his chest. Your tears soaked through his shirt, but he didn’t care, for his own tears were falling against the top of your head and dampening your hair. It had been so long since he had held you like this, but he knew that right now it’s what you needed most.

“I did… She knows. I told her you love her, and I love her… We both love her very much… And I’m sure that wherever she is, she can see that…” He murmured. “And I don’t want you to worry about the fans or the music. If they can’t understand, then they weren’t real fans anyway. The music can wait. You are the most important thing in the world to me. I’d give up my whole career just to see you smile again, just to try to make you happy. I’m going to be here for you as long as you need me to be, even if you don’t want me around. I love you… And we’re going to get through this together.”

He felt your head nod and your arms wrap around him, your fingers gripping onto his shirt to hold him closer to you. “Can… Can she stay in here…? I… I don’t want her to be alone in… in that room… Not yet…” You asked, and Changbin nodded his head before kissing the top of yours and then gently laying you back down against your pillow.

“She can stay in here with us as long as you want her to. I don’t want her to be alone either…” With his arm tucked underneath the pillow that your head lay upon, he hummed a soft tune to lull you back to sleep. It was the first night that you had gone to sleep without crying, it was the first night that you had talked to him. Now he understood what it meant to be strong, not just physically, but emotionally, for the ones that he loved. He might be breaking into bits on the inside, but he loved you too much to watch you fall apart.

Carefully, he reached over you with his free hand, grabbing the urn off the nightstand and cradling it against his chest, staring up at the ceiling as silent tears trickled down from the corners of his eyes and across his temple, landing on the pillow underneath his head. “I’m gonna hold you, and I’ll cuddle you… And I’ll hug you… And I’ll love you forever. I can’t wait to see you again… Just wait for mommy and daddy… We’ll be there… And I’ll never let you go… Ever… You’re daddy’s little princess… And you always will be…”

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anika-ann · 2 months ago

Text

Faithless - sneak peek

As promised and based on the result of this poll, I'm humbly offering you a sneak peek of a medieval/fantasy Steve x reader fic with dark elements. Steve is not the dark one here and neither is 'reader', but if that's not your thing at all, keep scrolling. Nothing to see here.

Otherwise, enjoy and mind the warnings and let me know what you think 💕

Warnings: mentions of blood and violence and death, religious elements (paganism-ish)

Is nearly about 800 words really a peek? Who cares-

(...)

Your temple, having been harbouring a few rebels, had been taken two days ago.

Under the watchful eyes of the gods and goddesses you served, you had witnessed two days of agony, hunger and death. A fucking bloodbath. Harsh laughter in the face of life leaving the eyes of many, driving the sword deeper, more blood oozing out and soaking the holy ground, returning back to earth where all life was born.

Good women of fairness and faith.

Good men of bravery and justice.

All gone to keep the others docile; gone on cruel men’s whims.

You were not sure whether to consider yourself lucky to be among the survivors, forced to bear witness to the bottom of humanity crawling out and play. You knew names of all the fallen; you almost wished you didn’t. You prayed for them to find peace anyway. Perhaps you prayed for a piece of their souls to return and haunt their murderers.

You were not sure whether to feel lucky to have survived and bear witness, but you did thank the gods for being able to see Steven alive at least.

A good man, your Steven; not strong of body but so kind and fierce of soul, a brilliant mind helping the rebels not by swinging a heavy sword, but building strategy. Not that his predicament had ever stopped him from picking fights he could not win, even as sometimes he had, his spirit more powerful than his own or his opponent’s muscles.

You’d know of all his fights.

He had been around; you had treated his wounds. Cuts and bruises, swollen knuckles on hands barely bigger than yours, delicacy roughened by hard work, always prepared to help, day or night, even if he risked coughing his lungs out when straining himself too much.

He was still alive; and perhaps you could only thank your prayers for it. Your diligent prayers, your service to the gods, service of a pure woman even as the longer you spent in Steven’s company, the more impure your thoughts were turning, the longings of your heart aligned with those of your body. He was kind, sweet, brave and determined to fight for good of others; were those not values of a man worthy of love?

Were those not values of a man worthy of protection?

“What is it you want, little priestess?” Cassius’s rough voice reached your ears, bringing you back to the present; cold, lonely present in the company of four rugged men, three of them idle in the chairs lined with fur and a goblet of wine as if watching a fool’s performance during a feast. “You held your end of a bargain… and I am a man of my word.”

Another shiver ran along your spine at his words.

Cassius was not a man you knew well; he was not one of the rebels, but of the outsiders. He was one of the enemies; anyone who spilled blood of innocent people, your people, was. You did not know him – but you had already seen his soul. He was not a man worthy of love nor protection; in fact, he was not worthy of your trust even.

He was certainly not a man of his word.

And you would have not believed him to be a smidge of sincere, had it not been for your prayers. You wouldn’t have believed him had you not been touched by the divine.

Two days ago, in the modesty of your room, praying at the sacredly designated time commanded, terrible cries had reached you, rattling your temple and your soul.

Your prayers had turned frantic and urgent upon the ruckus – and that was when a whisper had soothed you; a holy image materialising in front of your humble human eyes. With a face of an angel of the new teachings and the raw beauty of goddesses of your religion, she spoke to you gently as your lips continued moving soundlessly, pleading for lives and short suffering of those who were to meet their death. She stilled you with a touch to your forehead, strict eyes with wilderness of the powerful ones and a benevolent smile.

You shall be approached with a bargain, little one. And you shall accept it. Accept all the bargain offered, all his conditions; and then ask one in return. Ask him to swear on his life, to swear on my name.

Be faithful, little one, to me only, and I shall fulfil your deepest desire, protect what you hold the dearest. Accept all bargain offered and your service shall be rewarded at last.

And you had listened. Of course you had.

You had lent your helping hand and healing skill to Arwin’s men; Cassius’s men. You had betrayed your faith in rebels by doing so; but not to the faith to the gods you served, not to the goddess.

Be faithful, little one, to me only.

And so you had been.

And true to the goddess’s word, you had been promised a favour – a reward for your service. A favour of your choosing.

There had never truly been a choice to make. Your decision was as clear as the days before the mercenaries had arrived and stained daylight with the crimson of good men’s blood.

Your voice was shaking as much as your body was; but the conviction behind your plea was as firm as the ground under your knees.

“Spare a life, good sir. Please.”

(...)

What do we think? I mean. I'll write it anyway, but I hope it shall pleases those who voted for it, or perhaps even others.

Love, Anika

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #pre-serum steve rogers #medieval au #steve rogers x you #steve rogers imagine #dark-ish fic #anika ann #faithless

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stillness-in-green · 3 months ago

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One thing that I haven't seen anyone call out is how after Bakugou is rescued, the series starts constantly introducing new characters that we're expected to care about, ie they take a bunch of time. The big three, Sir Nighteye, Overhaul, Gentle Criminal, La Brava, Eri, Giantmachina, Lady Nagant, The MLA and Licence Exam both came with a bunch, etc. And I like a lot of them, but just so much time gets dedicated to these new characters.

Like did we really need real Camie, especially with how the League got slaughtered and it's treated like oh well it's for the best. Why would the League keep her alive if they are so evil that them dying is a good thing? Keeping her alive is a waste of resources right after they lost their source of cash, and if she escaped Himiko could have very well been caught. Why wouldn't the 'oh so evil' Toga just drain all her blood. But not only is she confirmed to be alive she gets to join Bakugou and Shoto in their make up classes for their licenses.

(I apologize in advance for this relatively short answer having so many footnotes.)

So, while I can see your point, @arceus-insanity, and I think it’s a valid view for certain takes on what the story could have been, for the story I wanted, I have to disagree.

I both like a lot of the new characters and think they deserved time—more than they got already, even. Heck, I wish we’d gotten even more new characters after the first war, rather than the story functionally locking the cast in place save for the Tartarus escapees that the story didn’t give a shit about anyway. The only other new characters were, what, Star and her crew, who do nothing that couldn’t have been written around in a hundred different ways, and a few conspicuously unnamed heteromorph characters to help shepherd that storyline to its limp conclusion? As I said here, I think it’s absurd that events as dire as Gigantomachia’s rampage and Shigaraki’s subsequent escape wouldn’t stir things up in the country so badly that new characters would be coming out of the woodwork!

But then, I’m also one of those people who does sincerely believe that the post-Jakku material needed to be at least as long as the second act.[1] Obviously that wasn’t feasible with Horikoshi’s health being what it was, but I do think my ideal version of the story would have had that kind of length. But then x2, I’m also one of those people who does sincerely believe that BNHA suffered tremendously when it became, at the dictates of its frankly absurd popularity poll results, The Stoplight Trio Show.

1: To me, the second act runs from the chapter after Deku and All Might meet again on the beach, with Deku reflecting about the end of the era of All Might, to the chapter that ends with Deku having left UA—so, Chapter 96 to Chapter 306, for a total of 211 chapters. Compare that number to the first arc’s 95 chapters and the final arc’s 117—or 124 if you include the full epilogue—and it’s easy to see where the greater bulk of the story lies.

I think BNHA really did cry out to be a true ensemble piece, rather than a story about, like, 3.5 kids and the intermittent adventures of some of their friends. A more expansive story in both its cast and its pacing would have served it much better, I feel, especially one that really forced the kids to step out into the world more independently, rather than retreating to the safety of the dictates of their mentors. Instead, we got a story that just kept getting bigger all the way to the climax despite the fact that the stuff to fill that story—both the cast to meaningfully contribute and the interesting worldbuilding ideas—stopped being able to keep pace with the story’s scope long, long before the end.

So yeah, Horikoshi certainly wound up with far more characters than he could handle, but for myself, I’d rather have had the story that was big enough to give all those characters ample room, rather than the story that was only big enough to accommodate the ones Horikoshi could coherently build a plot around. And if we couldn’t have either, well, I’m just as happy with the big cast. Most of my favorites are from those side character numbers, anyway.

As to Camie and Toga, while I think you’re right that Camie’s survival is a clear indicator that Toga was never as evil as a lot of the Heroes thought,[2] I don’t think I can bring myself to agree that the story treats the League’s deaths as a good thing because they’re just so evil. Rather, the story just has a much harsher view on criminal responsibility than I think a lot of Villain fans—myself certainly included—wanted or were expecting from the ending.

2: Sure, maybe the talking point is just that Toga kept her alive for a back-up blood supply, but given that it seems like Toga had no interest in an extended infiltration scenario, but rather just wanted was to crash the Provisional License Exam and leave immediately afterwards, it hardly seems like she’d need much back-up!

Camie’s a good example: Toga isn’t so evil that she would kill an innocent high school girl on a whim.[3] She would hurt an innocent high school girl on a whim, so she still has to be Punished (because this damn manga is so welded to the idea of not forgiving characters who did things wrong[4]), but because she wouldn’t kill for it, she doesn’t get an ending where the readers are cheering for her to get dropped out of orbit by Ochaco the Implacable or some shit.

3: The whim being wanting to meet Deku and Ochaco again. 4: Unless they were Heroes, of course. Authorial forgiveness for Heroes is limitless.

That is to say, the story doesn’t think it’s good that Toga dies, though it may think it’s “for the best” for the same reason a lot of people who were satisfied with her death identified: she’s too tragic and sympathetic a character for the reader to want her to be executed by the state or grow old and die behind bars, but she’s committed too many crimes for there to be other believable options.[5] I sincerely think that, for Horikoshi, the League gets the deaths they do because they’re not so evil that they deserve any of the story's alternatives.

5: For myself, I think if readers couldn’t believe in other options, that’s just a failure of the imagination, but it’s more on the story than the readers—it was Horikoshi’s responsibility as the author to set the boundaries of reader expectations.

But then you could also run that cause and effect backwards, too: because Horikoshi wanted to keep the League sympathetic, he would never let them go too far. If Horikoshi wanted gentler outcomes for his fully tragic characters but was terrified his readers would think he’s Soft On Crime, he couldn't risk alienating people by letting the League go so far that readers would get angry at his Heroes for wanting to save them.

The story just doesn’t have the courage of its convictions if those convictions run the risk of displeasing the readers. That’s why Toga dies anyway despite not being so evil that she’d kill Camie, and it’s also why we focus on the same handful of popular characters despite Horikoshi (judging by his obvious enjoyment of introducing distinctly designed new characters by the truckload!) clearly wanting to tell a sweeping ensemble story.

Though I had my quibbles, thanks for the ask!

#bnha #bnha semi-critical #toga himiko #bnha endgame #stillness answers #arceus-insanity

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