What languages to you speak/study?
English is my native language and I took Spanish and French in school for long enough that I can read/write it decently but in a spoken conversation I’m at like a 4 year old level 💀 I also know a fair amount of asl but I wouldn’t call myself fluent anymore (it’s been a long time since I had to use it)
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It's honestly crazy that discussion around testosterone HRT skews so much towards the beginning stages of it (to the point that you have dozens of guys thinking their transition is "failed" if they don't pass by like a year in lol) and what the initial changes of the first couple of months to years look like, like the classic laundry list of those early basic changes like bottom growth, voice drop, etc, when IMO literally none of that compares remotely to the depth and intensity of the long term total masculinization you start to experience like 3-5+ years in.
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academic bias is so funny because you’ll be reading about the same historical event and one person is like “Despite the troubles that befell his homeland and near constant criticism of the court King Blorbo remained strong in the face of adversity” and the other one is like “after letting his people carry the brunt of his cringefail decisions Blorbo the Shitface refused to listen to any reason and continued to be a warmongering piece of shit. Also he was ugly.”
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In the wake of FCG' fate I've been thinking about death in ttrpgs, and how it kind of exists on three levels:
There’s the gameplay level, where it only makes sense for a combat-heavy, pc-based game to have a tool for resurrection because the characters are going to die a lot and players get attached to them and their plotlines.
Then there’s the narrative level, where you sort of need permanent death on occasion so as not to lose all tension and realism. On this level, sometimes the player will let their character remain dead because they find it more interesting despite there being options of resurrection, or maybe the dice simply won’t allow the resurrection to succeed.
Then, of course, there’s the in-universe level, which is the one that really twists my mind. This is a world where actual resurrection of the actual dead is entirely obtainable, often without any ill effects (I mean, they'll be traumatized, but unless you ask a necromancer to do the resurrection they won’t come back as a zombie or vampire or otherwise wrong). It’s so normal that many adventurers will have gone through it multiple times. Like, imagine actually living in a world where all that keeps you from getting a missing loved one back is the funds to buy a diamond and hire a cleric. As viewers we felt that of course Pike should bring Laudna, a complete stranger, back when asked, but how often does she get this question? How many parents have come and begged her to return their child to them? How many lovers lost but still within reach? When and how does she decide who she saves and who she doesn’t?
From this perspective, I feel like every other adventurer should have the motive/backstory of 'I lost a loved one and am working to obtain the level of power/wealth to get them back'. But of course this is a game, and resurrection is just a game mechanic meant to be practically useful.
Anyway. A story-based actual play kind of has to find a way to balance these three levels. From a narrative perspective letting FCG remain dead makes sense, respects their sacrifice, and ends their arc on a highlight. From a gameplay level it is possible to bring them back but a lot more complicated than a simple revivify. But on an in-universe level, when do you decide if you should let someone remain dead or not? Is the party selfish if they don’t choose to pursue his resurrection the way they did for Laudna? Do they even know, as characters, that it’s technically possible to save someone who's been blown to smithereens? Back in campaign 2, the moment the m9 gained access to higher level resurrection they went to get Molly back (and only failed because his body had been taken back by Lucien). At the end of c1, half the party were in denial about Vax and still looking for ways to save him, because they had always been able to before (and had the game continued longer it wouldn’t have surprised me had they found a way). Deanna was brought back decades after her death (and was kind of fucked up because of it). Bringing someone back could be saving them, showing them just how loved and appreciated they are. Or it could be saving you, forcing someone back from rest and peace into a world that's kept moving without them because you can’t handle the guilt of knowing you let them stay gone when you didn’t have to. How do you know? How would you ever know?
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After watching this week’s episode, my dad was like “if Buddie doesn’t become endgame, I’m joining you to protest. Because what’s the use of making Buck bi if they don’t make Buddie canon? They already have plenty of great queer characters (Hen, Karen, Josh, Michael, David) before Buck and Tommy. Like, Hen is a main cast like Buck, and Michael is just as manly as Buck. So, if the excuse is just to give representations, that’s such a waste of a great chance to make one of the best and popular ships canon.”
And the whole time my mum was looking at him besottedly as if he was preaching some profound philosophy or something lol
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There's something at the tip of my tongue about the parallels between Jackie and Wilson and Who We Are
How the narrator of Jackie and Wilson wants to run away with a woman that he's carved out of his imagination based on a brief interaction. How they would try the world, but good god it wasn't for them. So they run away from it into a fantasy world where they live by their own rules.
And then comes the narrator of Who We Are, who dreamt his whole life of finding someone who would hold him like water or like a knife, only to find that running away from the world will only get them so far, since "the hardest part is who we are". And only to find out that the "phantom life" he's fantasized about is actually just that: a phantom. And its absence sharpens like a knife
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does vale just have like wildly low emotional intelligence to be this delusional about their fallout (he’s ignoring like. large swaths of context for 2015 i think. like it’s crazy that his and marc’s stories are so wildly mismatched not just in terms of content but also in terms of TIMELINE) or are his unique trauma responses to a tough childhood and fame and competing in god’s most awful death sport just insanely damaging. wait just answered my own question. um.
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homura (after a whole movie dedicated to the mechanisms of her inner psyche and set in a world that is literally her subconscious, populated by little dolls that are the manifestation of her emotions and self-hatred, after a whole movie where we get to see that she loves and cares for her friends and above all she deeply loves madoka, after the most heartbreaking scene in the history of anime where she realises madoka never wanted to sacrifice herself, after sacrificing herself to try and keep madoka’s wish alive anyway and keep her safe from the incubators, after being saved by madoka and feeling undeserving of it yet again, after finally giving up on trying to preserve madoka’s wish and creating a universe in which madoka can be happy and her friends too and the incubators eat shit, after showing how much she hates herself for it): i’m evil! i’m a demon! i’m evil incarnate!
people: yeah that checks out, homura is evil.
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