#but I was in a pretty low mood slump during that time so it remaines unfinished until further notice

[hplonesomeart]

Feeling a bit adventurous, might as well post some more art. So here’s another digital sketches/doodle dump right here 👍

[cottoncandyjester]

Yandere ocs voice headcanons

Dunno just though this would be fun I’m sure you guys have your own voices in mind but here how it is

This contains: talk of sex, lot of characters, yandere talk

Theodore

Okay so you know yuki from fruits basket....

Make the tone louder and warmer and boom Theo

He has a very soothing voice like the type that you can hear talk for hours or fall asleep to

When annoyed or angry his voice lowers in pitch and is strained from him trying to keep from shouting

He always keeps the same tone of voice usually it’s always sweet and calm and nice

He talks very very proper like he makes sure to always sound like a gentleman

When he’s angry though he will absolutely say the word fuck or shit under his breath with a growl following it

Is the ceo of fake laughs

His fake laughs are always soft and short

His real laugh always has a shocked snort or him choking before bursting out laughing

He makes sure to cover his mouth and apologizes when he laughs cause he sees it as rude

Hikaru

Okay so as y’all know he has two sides

His stage persona voice is super sugary sweet

But don’t mistake that for hyper nope

Somehow no matter what he says it sounds like he’s smiling while talking

Never raises his voice but he does have his cracks of his real personality seeping through

With those he’ll clench his teeth

Like you know those people who speak with a fake laugh when they really wanna choke you

There are times where he has to pretend to be all cute and shy while on stage persona

His voice will get soft and sweet down to a shy little whisper

He hates doing this so there will be a slight annoyed tone in his voice that he tries to hide

When he’s pissed at you but he has to keep cool it always sounds kinda scary

“Hehe y/n my...sweet y/n, can we talk in private please sweetie?”

Normal hikaru’s voice is much deeper and cruder

Not quite bakugo tone but like just as crude and mean

Somehow always sounds like he’s one step from snarling out his words

Legit swears in every sentence

Kinda talks like a delinquent

Everything about him changes from posture to tone

He’s legit just a violent tsundere

Axis

Okay so..his voice is like ultimate sub energy

When he talks to anyone else besides you he is cheerful but also pretty normal

When it’s you..simp

You can hear the obsession in his voice. Its always sounds just absolutely happy and filled with joy

I always say that axis is like a happy puppy when he hears his darling is near

He bad mood instantly vanishes and he is just nearly squealing with joy

When he gets all bratty his cheeks puff all out and he lowers his tone making sure you know that he’s upset with you

As far as his whiny yandere side it sounds so desperate like he’s going to die if he doesn’t kiss you or hold you

I think I said this before but axis is the loudest so if you try to walk out the door or something he will scream and beg you not to go anywhere it sounds like it physically hurts to have you leave

He has a habit of hurting himself to get you to stay during these moments he would have a pathetic stutter

“I-I’m h-hurt! Y-you wouldn’t leave someone bleeding out all alone right? Right!?”

When he’s serious his tone shifts low

Not like mature low no it still has that youthful innocence but it sounds deadpan and soft like as if all feelings other than hate or anger vanished

During these moments he would say something like “stay away from my sweet perfect y/n...or I’ll kill you”

Salem

Yuri from yarichan bitch club

Okay though seriously something like him except more lower in pitch

He does slur his speech and I think I said this before but the more excited he gets the less English comes out of him

It goes from shaky toddler talking to barking and random garbled words and crazy laughing.

The only time he would talk “normal” is when he’s docile aka he’s high as hell or if he spends a large amount of time cuddles up to his darling

In that case his voice is soft though there is some stutters and crackling cause he’s not used to speaking normally

He also pauses a lot cause he’s not smart at all and words are hard

His manner of speaking is very toddler like

Words would be dumbed down and even nicknamed

Expect phrases such as “y-y/nnn, wuv wuv wuv! Ooowahhhh!” In a squealing happy tone

All in all his voice..is interesting

Prince

Prince is a fuck boy

So he sounds like a douche

Like to use the word babe and baby a lot

He honestly thinks he’s the shit so everything out his mouth comes off as cocky

His voice is kinda like those lead singers from boy bands that’s the best way I can describe it

Like those fake bad boys who are all like “yeah baby wanna smoke cigarettes in the parking lot of McDonald’s”

His voice squeaks A LOT though when nervous

Like he tries to keep his voice low and cool sounding but the moment darling flirts or gives him attention it’s just 📈📈📈

When flustered he talks in a high pitch flustered tone

It’s absolutely adorable

Takes him a while to bring it back down though

He likes to speak in Korean sometimes

It sounds so smooth when he does

He has such confidence it sounds like he’s in a kdrama or something

When things are getting steamy he likes to slow down his pacing of words and talk lower

He thinks it sounds sexy but it kinda sounds fake

It’s cause he doesn’t wanna admit that he’s a switch but whatever prince you do you boo

Prince laughing is amazing

You know Kuroo’s laugh?? Yeah take that and make it a tad bit higher and as a ton of hiccups and gasping for air and boom prince

This is why prince has a fake laugh

Like he’ll do a simple little heh. And that’s it

Yuki

Super hush

Barley a whisper

His voice is flat and cold

Very blunt

He mostly responds in grunts or sounds when in public with his darling

If he absolutely has to speak it’s a single word

Some would deem his voice boring and dull

He has very dry humor and this is the same with his tone of speaking

You will get simple responses from him

When he is with his darling just alone he is far more warm and sweet his voice is still barely above a whisper but it has a nice rumble to it

Even when he’s pissed it’s soft and calm sounding

He doesn’t like shouting cause loud sounds make him cry

That being said the only time he would get loud is when he cries

If something is hurting him he can’t take it for long

His voice cracks and he sounds whiny almost like he’s terrified

Just a shaky “s-stop!”

His breathing would get all intense and his words would come out as stutters as he tries to dial it back down to that soft calm tone probably adding his last response with a hush “please. Stop”

Not much to say about his voice though there is always amusement swinging within it whenever someone gets annoyed by his dry humor or antics

He can’t help but fight a smile as he tries to keep from laughing

Also! Yuki laugh is amazing

He has two different kinds he has his soft chuckles

And then his louder laughs which are still soft by normal standards but they are so filled with joy

So cute..

Rocket

Okay so even though rocket is a southern boy he will absolutely use his fake “bro” voice when meeting people you deem important cause he doesn’t wanna embarrass you

His worst fear is them seeing him as some southern loser

So his bro voice is very frat boy like

Typical college guy voice

Like stated before when flustered or angry his real voice seeps out

His real voice isn’t too deep or anything it’s very warm and happy

That southern accent though?! ✨Strong ✨

When he says darling you can feel that shit

Even him saying normal word it’s still strong as ever

It fits him so well though like his voice isn’t deep despite his height and build

When excited though he talks super fast

Another puppy boy

He is just so excited he can’t hold back his words so he’s talking a mile a minute

He just can’t stop!

His tone of voice very much shows how he feels

When sad his voice is soft and hushed down to a pouty whimper as he looks down shoulders slumped and posture just spilling out sadness

Same when he’s happy he is so perked up and just ✨happy✨

When he laughs it’s one of those loud happy laughs

Those laughs from deep in his chest

When he’s flustered or feeling submissive he has a very soft way of speaking that shows that he’s vulnerable at the moment

All around cute bara boy has cute voice

Rin

Twink

Just straight up a brat

Sounds like he could commit arson at any moment

He has this very cocky coy tone in his voice

Sounds kinda childish at times

He doesn’t take anything seriously so that’s to be expected honestly

His voice is quite high pitched yet smooth

When serious though his childish tone remains but it gets scarier and deadpan

“I’ll show you why you should never mess with me and my gang..”

He’s a person who grins when pissed so it’s hard to tell when he’s angry unless you hurt his darling

Ike if he’s tweaked off you won’t know

You won’t know any of his emotions honestly he kinda smiles though it all even if he’s depressed

When he loses that childish charm in his voice it’s usually when he’s having a breakdown

His voice sounds so weak and hurt and all his bottled up feeling explode

He’s a PFFFT laugher he usually laughs so hard his face turns red and he can’t breathe

As far as fake laughs it’s very cookie cutter just a few ha ha’s and that’s it.

When having..steamy times his voice lowers and that childish tone is there but it’s sadistic like he’s enjoying toying with you and breaking you

Zeke

The deepest voice out of all of them

Rich deep and sexy

Also a person with dry humor at times

Likes to respond with sounds as well

“Haaah?” “Hmmm..” “eh?” All those are acceptable

His voice rumbles in his chest

Put your hand on his chest while he’s talking and it’s like he’s purring

Very much likes using more slang terms

“If I were to rock your shit..would I be wrong?”

“Bitch do I look like boo-boo the fool to you?”

He grew up in a very cultured household so yeah he has different mannerisms of speaking unlike the others

He usually sounds bored or calm when he’s speaking to someone he doesn’t trust

Now his friends on the other hand this bitch hype

Constantly laughing, joking and grinning

He can’t stop being chaotic as hell

His tone is much louder as he’s more comfortable and he tends to use more swears and slang

When speaking in Spanish his voice is just as deep and he adores rolling his R’s every. Single. Time

As far as singing goes his voice is so smooth

Filled with soul and passion like he loves what he does

He has such a beautiful voice

Scarlett

Soft sweet and creepy

Hushed and very gentle

Her words are usually followed by a hush giggle

No matter how threatening she sounds there is always a sweet smile and giggle at the end

She likes the idea of toying with people so her voice always sounds so eel coming at first

Then her sadistic side kicks in and she’s stepping on you with her heel her voice drowning with pride

During those dom moments she can sound very degrading

Talking to you like you’re beneath her instead of an equal

But normally she is nothing short of kind

Even in yandere mode she never shouts or yells or does anything like that

It’s always calm collected and lightly frightening

Definite mother vibes

Just very nurturing

Yuuta

A deep voice member

Full delinquent

“Got something to fucking say to me?”

Aggressive as all hell

At least to strangers that is

To his darling or his twin it’s still lightly rough but also soft? I know confusing

He tries hard to keep that tough guy act up but when anxiety and everything hits he’s a mess

“E-eh!? W-why are you starin’ at me for!? G-go away!”

Hella paranoid all the time

During those anxious moments his stutters and tics are ranging in tone and pitch

He has various tics such as popping sounds, crude phrases like “no more daddy! Nope nope!” Or even “f-f-fucking c-cocks” and many others he can’t control these and they only come during panic attacks

Some of his other phrases are things he’s said as a child when his family would violate him so lot of them have the word stop and no in it

A “cute” one is if you were to say “whose a pretty boy” he would instantly reply “I’m a p-pretty b-boy!” Oddly enough that tic always makes him feel better and calm down

Anyways normal voice yuuta is tough boy

He scoffs a lot and plays this very dominating role

He likes to say nicknames like doll or angelface

Makes him feel tough

He usually tries to sound as sarcastic as humanly possible

But when he’s sad or vulnerable he whines so loud and is so clingy

“D-don’t leave me along! T-the monsters are g-gonna get me! Nooo! P-please!”

He’s like a scared child clinging to you sobbing and trying to jump in your arms just shaking

Yuuji

Also a twink voice

Except his has more sparkles in it

Kinda valley girl tone but not as annoying

Just a lot of “oh sweetie” and “honey no”

Super sugary sweet like so sweet and fake it could kill ya

Behind closed doors though

That sugary tone is the same just sadistic

“Oh sweetie, whose a sad little ball of trash? You are! Yes you are my little parasite!”

Talks in baby talk when degrading his darling and yuuta

They are beneath him in his eyes he’s god

So he should be treated as such

When pissed off his sweet tone stops and it’s pure disgust

“You bottom feeder, do you know who you’re fucking talking to?”

His pissed off voice would give you shivers from how cold it is

He can switch from angry to sweet and back again so fast like one minute he’s threatening to violate every hole you own and the next he’s like “I’m sorry! I’m being a big old meanie pants! Teehee let’s goooooo shoppinggg! Yayyy!”

Likes making his voice as cutesy as possible

Mostly cause when he switches to his more serious side the fear in their eyes is much more delicious

Ren

Y’all already know

Stutters every sentence

Can’t even form proper words without stuttering

Growls in anger when annoyed and sounds like he wants to rail you so hard you break

All around soft sweet voice

Whimpers every single time he speaks

When annoyed or gets more confidence his voice is soft but sharp

“You shouldn’t do that. Stop.”

Very short and quick like you better listen to him or else

His voice goes dead and his eyes show no mercy

He keeps his voice low and warm though

When happy he is just so warm and bright

Absolutely adorable

When ranting there are no stutters or anything he can talk for hours if you let him

Loud as fuck in bed though

Full on sobs and cries so loud the neighbors hear y’all

His voice cracks and squeaks as he pants heavily and tries not to pass out

All in all

Shy boi

[sankt-brekker-the-demjin]

You Know, For Research Purposes - Tom Holland x Reader College!AU

Summary: Working on their research project, group mates Miles, Ned, Haz, Betty, Tom and Y/N grew closer together over the course of a few months. Also, how does Cheetos and ice cream taste together? ;)))

Word Count: 2,433

A/N: (gif not mine.) lolz hi! Look what boredom did to me.. I made a fanfic... [first time doing this idk what to do so there's that moving on. Hope u like it! Geronimo.]

Tom ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at the strands with force. He banged his head lightly on the table. He looked back at his Lit folder and saw he still had half of it to finish. He closed it and decided he would do it later. Managing the research project and studying for exams were taking a toll on his body and his sanity. He got up and went to the get some water.

It was halfway through midnight. His parents and brothers were asleep on their rooms. Miles, Haz, Y/N, Betty and Ned - his Qualitative Research applied subject classmates were sprawled all over the living room, laptops shoved to their faces, bond papers in hand. It was a typical students' night. The group had gotten together at Tom's house, and planned to stay overnight.

Miles and Y/N have History 1 together, while Betty and Haz had Calculus. But other than that, this was the only classes they all had together. Being in college is no easy feat, proper time management was necessary. 

Ned had assigned each member to a specific part of the paper, and they've been at it since 8 pm. They all have to multitask and manage their time. Tom had almost finished his part of the paper, so he tried to do his Lit homework now.

Tom heard footsteps stomping on the floors. He turned and saw Y/N marching up to him with an annoyed look on her face and was about to speak but he cut her off.

"If you complain about the heat one more time, I'm give you a real reason to sweat," Tom set the cup of water with a smug look on his face.

She halted on her tracks and smacked the paper she brought on his arms. Tom chuckled, but didn't move.

"No, you idiot," Y/N rolled her eyes. "You might wanna fix that paper before you go off scaring people to death with that annoying face of yours."

His mouth twitched in amusement and took the stapled papers from her hands. "So you admit you've been looking at my face."

"You're so full of it," Y/N stepped around him and grabbed another glass, getting water from the tap.

Tom looked at the incorrect charts and tables he had made on the paper. He cursed under his breath. He had been working on it in the wee hours of last night. Spontaneous typing, no pit stops on spelling errors and everything else, just got it done.

"The original file is on my computer upstairs," he groaned. "I'll have to re-do this again."

"You do that," she clicked her tongue. "And I'll just chill here by your fridge for a moment."

Y/N opened the fridge and took the remaining slice of cake laid on a plate.

"That's mine -" Tom protested.

"Not anymore." Y/N ate the cake.

He scowled and moved to close the door of the fridge. Y/N leaned her back on the door. There they were, a few inches away from each other. Tom stood seething; Y/N chewed the cake with an amused expression. She wiped the frosting on her lower lip with her tongue reflexively. Before he realized it his eyes wandered to her lips.

Tom inched his face closer, eyes darting over to her eyes and lips. "If you don't stop biting your lips ..."

"What are you gonna do?"

Tom remained quiet but clenched his jaw.

Y/N chuckled, "You're all talk and no action."

Heavy footsteps echoed on the hallway to the kitchen, gaining both their attention away from each other. Tom whipped his head to the of the voice and shot him a look.

"I told you 7000 times, a chicken is a bird -" Haz bursted into the room with a phone clutched to his ears, pausing when he caught sight of Tom and Y/N. "D'you have a charger I could borrow?" Haz covered his phone with his hands.

"I have one in my backpack." Y/N said.

Haz nodded, talking again to his sister on the phone about chickens. He walked back to the living room, waiting for Y/N to follow him.

Y/N stopped by the table where Tom had been working on, and pointed at his paper. "I can't finish my part if you can't finish yours." Seeing as his paper's original file was on his computer upstairs, she grabbed his laptop without waiting for him to reply. "Imma borrow this ... Thanks."

She went back to the living room, laptop on hand.

"And don't look at my browser history!" She heard Tom call back from the kitchen.

"Wouldn't dare," she countered in a mocking tone.

As the weeks passed, they started collecting data on the field. They went through one institution to another, gathering reports and statistics, and validating it with professionals. Then after that it was all a blur. They submitted the paper to Mrs. Luxley and was graded, only given back to them for minor revisions.

The gang decided to spend that same night they passed the assignment on Tom's house again, just like they did when they were still making the paper. Tom's parents had gotten used to them staying over, and Sam always tried to flirt with Betty when he was around. 

Ned and Haz raced to Tom's bedroom. Ned threw himself on the bed first. "God, I've never felt the bed being this good," he sighed and melted with pleasure. All those sleepless nights they've had finally paid off.

Haz hit him with a pillow. "Move over!"

Y/N laid on the couch, feet perched on top of Tom's lap, getting comfortable. Betty and Miles slept on the carpets of Tom's living room. They just sort of crawled to the floor in delight and just stayed there, too tired to move anywhere else. Haz came back to the living room, holding a bottle of champagne on his hands from the Hollands' cupboards.

He cheered. "Let's celebrate!"

But they celebrated the victory by sleeping out for an entire day spread all over the Hollands' house.

Even though their project was finished, the lot still remained close with each other. They spent times at Miles' favourite diner by the corner of the campus during their collective free time.

And last week, Haz's sister gave birth to a pretty baby girl. Haz invited them over and they all came to join the little house party his sister threw. The group counted on this as the official celebration of their hard work.

It was a Thursday afternoon. Family and friends chatted and caught up with each other in the Osterfield's backyard. Dream by Fleetwood Mac could be heard playing on the living room speakers.

Tom was talking with his dad. Betty and Ned sat at the garden chairs talking to one of Haz's brothers. Those two really were people persons. Miles and Y/N laughed at a hilarious history joke their professor rambled about. Tom tried to pay them no mind, though his glance drifted to them every now and then. His dad eventually noticed the shift in his mood, but decided to ignore it because his mum came to them, carrying Haz's niece. Tom accepted the baby to his arms while his mum and dad went to the kitchen.

Lily, the smol bean's eyes crinkled with joy and giggled. Her chubby little hands reached out to him. Tom stuck his tongue out affectionately her. He turned his head to the low whistle he heard.

"Wow... Daddy," Y/N smirked.

That day was all fun and games, but by the end it they still had school stuff to catch up on. A few weeks later, they decided to cram in the library.

Nothing feels better than suffering with acads together friends.

The group sat in a table by the corner, immersed in their own world. Tom went to the bookshelves to look for an autobiography book his proffesor suggested. Ned was compiling essays on his laptop. Miles was reading a book by Neil Gaiman. Haz and Betty were doing their Calculus homework.

Y/N's chin rested on her hands, staring blankly at her laptop screen. A straight line blinked repeatedly on the ends of the only sentence she typed.

What the fuck |

She just needed a head start on this critique paper. Nothing too heavy, just one paragraph to kick it all into place. That's where it's always hard. The first line. So now she's stuck with cursing. Before Y/N realize it, she's slumped her face down to the wooden table with a light bang. The group lifted their eyes to her, asking if she was alright. She shoved her thumbs up above her head, and they went back to what they what they were doing.

Haz who sat on her right, patted her back. "Same here, sis," he fought back a yawn.

Her eyes felt heavy. Then she groggily looked up to the little 'thunk' dropped on the table.

"Oh, great you're alive," she muttered before setting her face back on the table again.

Tom pulled his chair beside her. "Miss me already? I was barely gone for a few minutes."

"I'm so blessed to be with your presence," she stated in a monotonous voice.

Tom snorted. "Your professor is really gonna give you an A+ with those colorful words. 'What the fuck,' short but sweet."

She looked up and stuck her tongue out. Seeing his face has started to get old ... she tried convincing herself that, though.

They did their business. Ever so often, Y/N and Tom's elbows would brush against each other. Y/N had her earphones on, listening to her shuffled playlist on Spotify. Tom heard muffled tunes, and turned his head closer.

"What are you listening to?" He whispered; his breath fanned the side of her neck that sent chills up her spine.

She didn't look at him and instead continued to write key points to make on her essay. She spoke, her voice low. "This one's called Uncomfortable by Wallows."

He grinned and leaned even closer. "Can I listen?"

From across the table, Ned took 10 bucks from his wallet and shoved it on Betty’s hand. She pumped her fist in a silent triumph.

Y/N shifted her head to look at him, only to find his cute, devilishly handsome face inches away from hers. If she would tilt her head a little... their lips would touch. They locked eyes for a second, before she plucked one earphone and gave it to him.

He cocked his head, liking the song. Minutes passed. The only noises were from turning book pages, soft patter of keys on the laptops, and bits of hushed voices encompassed the area.

An hour later, Y/N felt herself getting hungry and went out to buy food, Betty tagging along. They ate outside since the library was strict on the 'NO eating policy.' Not even other drinks are allowed, only water. The others stayed behind. Then Betty came back to her seat.

"Where's Y/N?"

Betty sat on her chair, "She's outside, still eating."

Tom nodded and felt himself getting hungry, too. He opened his backpack and took a bag of Cheetos he stashed. He stood and said to them he was gonna eat outside. He went out, and spotted her leaning on a pillar, scooping ice cream out of a cup.

"I'm starving," he stood beside her.

"We've been there for ages," she scooped another spoonful of mint chocolate ice cream she got from the shop across the street.

Tom munched on his Cheetos. He turned to look at her happily savoring her ice cream. He moved for Y/N's ice cream cup but she swerved it out of his reach.

"Get your own," she swatted his arms away.

A thought crossed his mind. It reminded him of the last time they did this at his kitchen, over a slice of cake. And how they've been so close...

For the past few months, he's gotten a strange feeling whenever Y/N was around. Like there's an electric buzz in him, his heart would warm up at the sight of her. He couldn't stay away from her, and he wants to know her better, and feel her and just be there right beside her. He couldn't explain it.

Tom grinned at the memory, chucking a piece of Cheetos on his mouth. He stepped forward. "D'you wanna know how Cheetos and mint chocolate chip ice cream tastes like together?" he leaned closer to her face; his breath hot against her skin. His gaze shifted down to her parted lips. "You know, for research purposes..."

"Hmm?" She held her eyes up on his own gleaming brown ones. "Probably good. Anything's good with mint chocolate ice cream."

"Yeah?" His hands reached out to move the strands of her hair away from her face. "Wanna test it out?"

She shrugged.

Tom found his hand on the back of her neck and slammed his lips to hers. Y/N's eyes fluttered shut. He tasted full of that cheesy goodness. And her, a heavenly taste of vanilla and the aroma of mint. Her arm stretched out to keep the ice cream cup away. She parted from his lips to set the cup down onto the pillar. He wrapped his arms to her waist, pulling her flush against him. With her now empty hands, she ran her fingers on his soft brown curls. She tugged at the strands, eliciting a low guttural sound from him muffled by her mouth on his.

He broke the kiss and leaned his forehead on hers, breathless. "We should get back inside to do ... stuff."

"No no. Don't care." She pulled the back of his neck and closed their distance again. He chuckled.

Y/N loved the way their mouths danced to a rhythm, flavors mixing together from the forgotten taste-testing session, now a different kind of session.

A hand still on her waist, the other cupped her cheeks and tilted her chin to give him more access. She wrapped both her arms around his neck, welcoming warm the feelings burning inside her.

They parted, but still inches away from each other. Y/N bit his lower lip. Tom hissed in surprise but she kissed it better.

"So ... what do you think?" He murmured in a low voice.

"Mmm, I like it." Cheetos and ice cream forgotten.

"Yeah?" He grinned at her. "Me too."

Seconds lapsed. Neither of them moved, still stuck in a more romantic version of a staring contest.

"I like you." Tom's heartbeat raced.

She grinned back at him. "I like you, too. Like 3000. I like you that much."

-

Roll the end credits.

[lawsandother]

Bubble baths make the best remedy - Sergi Roberto

Lay-out may be slightly screwed up in the app. Feed-back is highly appreciated but keep it nice :). Enjoy!

Request for: @pom277​

Masterlist - Want to be added to the tag list? Ask me!

Taglist: @pom277​ @avsensio​ @jadonsanhco​ @henrythickcavill​ @footballdaydream​ @footballerimaginess​ @footballffbarbiex​ @footballxixstars​ @theworldsmosthatedakacr7​ @sunslittlesister​ @sanchos-dream​

Warnings: Language

Words: 2480 

Llimac = slug

---

The realization that they’d just lost only dawned upon them when the referee blew his whistle, signaling the match had come to an end. They lost but not just simply lost; they got their ass kicked. The Champions League finale had just slipped through their fingers. They lost the freaking semi-finale with an aggregate score of 4-3. Not only did they lose to Liverpool, but they had also managed to let four goals go through. Liverpool had made them look like simple schoolboys after the fourth goal went in.

He was mad, frustrated, and upset. He felt as if he hadn’t done his job properly, not been on the ball enough. He hated moments like these. The moments of insecurity and the overwhelming sense of being not good enough. The insane amount of pressure he put on himself always came to an erupting point whenever they lost.

This match was supposed to have gone their way. They were supposed to be the ones going through and for almost half of the match it looked like they were gonna pull it off. That was until Wijnaldum had entered the field, taking the spot of injured Andy Robertson. That was their tipping point. Two goals in the first 10 minutes of the second half and then... that goal of Origi. He couldn’t deny it. It was a true beauty but thinking about that goal made his heart hurt.

He had been so happy with receiving a place in the starting 11. Barcelona had enough confidence that they could knock out Liverpool, especially with their three goals. Alas, it had slipped through their fingers another time. It was even worse knowing she was in the crowd. Seated in one of the Executive boxes together with the wives and children of some of the Barcelona players. It was a rarity she was even sitting there, being preoccupied with studies and all. It was one of her first matches wearing his jersey and screaming his name. She was his biggest fan but considering he played against her heart club, she found it hard to only root for him. It was a rarity she was even sitting with the player’s wives as she had never left the Liverpool side of Anfield. Usually, she was seated in the middle of the Liverpool crowd. She would scream, curse, yell at fouls and sing along to 'You Never Walk Alone'. She did it for him, to support him and he had let her down. He could hear the roar of the Liverpool players as they celebrated getting through. Fans screaming as they could hardly believe they would be the ones fighting for the title. He, on the other hand, he could scream with how frustrated he was. Hell, he wanted to cry. He just wanted to sink through the ground and bury himself under the grass. Just to cancel out to noise of the Liverpool supporters and the noise of frustrated Barcelona supporters and players. He searched for her, letting his eyes glide past the supporters dressed in red. His eyes set to find her among the crowd of thousands. It took him just a little while, but she stood there, applauding for him and giving him a sympathetic smile. Or at least, he hoped it was. He nodded lightly as he gathered with his teammates, leaving the pitch with their heads hung low. He just wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible, leaving this godforsaken environment and just shut the world out with music in the player's bus. He didn’t even step foot into the changing room before he could feel the tension. He knew this wasn’t going to be pretty, both judging by the face of his teammates and their trainer. Leo smashed his shin guards into the ground. Another was bickering with the person next to him, the others just wanted to be left alone. Sergi was right, the moment Valverde stepped inside the changing room he had gone off on them. Sergi knew it was necessary to be self-critical after the match but some hurtful things were said during Valverde’s 'talk'. Sergi knew better than to take in personally, but he just couldn’t wait to fly home tonight and just curl into bed with the girl he loved most. He zipped his hoodie up as he prepared to be completely overwhelmed by the press and fans outside. Thankfully, he didn’t have to give an interview today. He just couldn’t, he knew it, the staff knew it. Figuring it would be best to distract himself as he walked to the bus, he unlocked his phone, reading the messages she had sent throughout the match. She liked doing that, keeping him up to date about her thoughts during the match. As well as sneaking in compliments and sometimes downright inappropriate comments. They would see each other back at the airport, just before leaving for Barcelona. She had left for the airport already, joined by some of the wives and kids. They would wait at the airport before flying back together. An unusual happening, considering family usually isn’t permitted on these flights but after today’s defeat, they figured they would let this one slide. Whilst Sergi was busy trying to drown out his own thoughts, she was nervously tapping her foot against one of the benches. Nobody talked, afraid they might say something wrong which then could be picked up by a bystander. She just sat there, checking her phone every two minutes, playing with her shirt, and biting her nails. She had seen Sergi after some lost matches before but she didn’t know how he was gonna be after the loss of today. They hadn’t been together for the longest amount of time, and she was still relatively new to relationships. “Sometimes it’s best not to talk to them,” Antonela spoke, “sometimes you just need to give them space. You’ll know what he needs soon enough.” “I hope so.” She got a text saying they were about to arrive at the airport. It was a signal for everyone to start boarding the plane so that the players could just step in and go. Figuratively of course. Once they stepped foot onto the plane, she chose one of the back seats. A seat they would always take; less lurking eyes. And she could just sit there in peace without anyone trying to talk to either one of them. She wasn’t in the mood to talk to many people either. She was torn, both happy her club went through but devastated that her boyfriend had to be defeated in such a humiliating way. Sergi was one of the first players to get off the bus. He just wanted to go home. As he stepped foot into the plane, he could sense an atmosphere of disappointment among the spouses. Although they would never show it, they were ultimately the ones that were gonna be affected by it as well. Being with a footballer was no easy task especially when snarky remarks would find their way into daily life. How they could completely close up, snap at their girlfriends for trying to let them open up. He was given a sympathetic round of smiles. He didn’t really acknowledge them as he walked to the back of the plane. “Before you say anything, I don’t want to talk about it now. I do want to talk about eventually, but I want it to be at home,” he said, sitting down next to her. “Alright. We’ll talk about it at home,” she answered, smiling softly. He sat next to her, offering one of his AirPods so they could listen to his music together. He had even queued some Yatra music for her, knowing she absolutely loves his music. She loved how thoughtful he was and the fact he was always the one reassuring her. Now, she would do that to him. The plane took off and in just a mere 15 minutes he could feel himself becoming drowsy. He rested his head on her shoulder, trying to just slip away from reality for an hour or so. She brushed through his hair a couple of times before she settled down as well, feeling the tiredness wash over her. She grabbed his hand as she could feel his breathing becoming heavier and his heart rate going down. She kissed his temple as he remained asleep for almost the entire flight. There were dozens of people at the airport, waiting for the players. Some of them were understanding, telling the players it was okay. Some of them were mad, calling them names as they aggressively shoved people out the way. Sergi didn’t want to deal with it. He simply couldn't. She slipped her hand into his as they passed the insane crowd. She squeezed his hand reassuringly as the two of them made their way over to one of the buses. Just a short drive before they could go home. All of the players slipped into the darkness of the night. They wanted no attention as they all stepped into their cars and drove off to their individual homes. The two of them did it as well, slipping inside his Audi Q8. She loved this car, it was sleek and classy but executed power and dominance at the same time. She ran her hand over the interior as he started the car, waiting to hear the click of her seat-belt before driving off. Arriving at their Barcelona home would’ve been warmer if Baloo had been there. But considering they didn’t know when they would be back, they opted for Anna as Baloo’s babysitter. Baloo was always the first to greet the Spaniard whenever he got home from training, running errands, or games. It brought him joy knowing there was always going to be someone who looked out to see him that day. Before he had met her, Baloo was the only one keeping him company. He let an unusual lonely life (for a footballer) before she was abruptly introduced to him. He would normally walk over with the dog, kissing her before talking about their days. He dropped his luggage at the front door, not bothering to pick it up again as he slumped inside the house. He dropped the keys on the designated plate as he kicked his shoes off. He was even in a worse mood than when he left the pitch. There had been too much time, too much thinking, and not enough expression. He made his way up the stairs. He just wanted to sleep. She followed him closely, carrying both of their luggage as she dropped them in the bedroom. He rubbed the bridge of his nose as he turned around, facing her. “I am just disappointed in myself”, he started. She opened her mouth before closing it, not wanting to step on his moment. Sergi wasn’t one to open up and talk about his feelings. She figured it would be better to just let him rant. “I should've been better. I should’ve been on the ball more, pay more attention to the people around me, and just keep the players from even reaching the goal. It just fucking sucks knowing I contributed to such a defeat. And not just any defeat! We lost four to zero! How can we let that happen, how can we just let it slide through our fingers another time?” He exclaimed. A mix of anger and disappointment resulting in a trail of tears leaving his eyes. “I should’ve just been better. I don’t even know why I bother sometimes. It doesn’t make any difference whether I’m on that pitch or not.” She walked to him slowly, extending her arms as she engulfed him into a hug. “Carinyo, none of those things you just mentioned are true”, she paused as she ran her hand through his hair. “You are an amazing footballer Sergi and if you weren’t, you wouldn’t be standing here today. You wouldn’t be playing for one of the biggest clubs in Europe and start in such an important competition. If it weren’t for your talent, you wouldn’t even be standing there in Anfield, playing your heart out.” He wanted to interrupt but kept silent as she continued. “Yes, you tried your best Sergi. I know you don’t believe it but it’s true. I’ve seen you play before and believe me when I say this was one of your most passionate games to date. You tried your best, and you can’t do more about it. That fucking sucks, but it’s better to get a move on than sulk about it for weeks to come. You’re allowed to be sad about it. Hell, you’re allowed to be angry, disappointed, and cry about it. And you know, I’ll be there for you whenever and wherever”, she rattled. “There are more matches to play than this one. You still have the championship and Copa del Rey. You still have games to win and asses to kick. And without you on the pitch, your team wouldn’t be able to do it. You bring value to the team else Valverde wouldn’t have put you in the starting 11 today,” she said as she finished. She could make out a faint smile as she dried his tears. “Now, any more you want to say?” she asked. “Thank you,” he breathed, snuggling his head into her chest. “It’s no problem carinyo. You know I would do anything for you. Even if that means wearing your jersey instead of a Liverpool one,” she chuckled. “It even looks gorgeous on you,” he responded. “Then you should see it on the floor,” she joked. His eyebrow raised and a familiar expression formed on his face. “No, not tonight. I was joking,” she laughed softly. He just pressed his lips to hers, dropping his hands down to her lower back. Her arms laced together as she swung them over his shoulders. “T’estimo,” he said as he disconnected his lips from hers. “Jo també t’estimo,” she responded, moving her hands to brush it through his hair. “Thank you for being there and being here. You have no idea how much you mean to me,” he faintly smiled. “I think I do,” she laughed before kissing him again. “Now, what about a nice bath?” she offered as she moved to the bathroom. “Seems like an excellent idea nena,” he shyly laughed as he unzipped his hoodie. “A good bubble bath can make any person happy. Now come on llimac*, don’t you want to see that jersey on the ground,” she called as he could hear her laugh. Although he was still upset, he figured it wouldn’t be good to linger on the past. There would be a time for self-criticism tomorrow. Tonight, he was gonna relax in the bath with a lovely lady. 

[lockdownuk]

Lockdown Diary Part 10

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online. Day 271: Work was dominated by Qfiniti again, including a meeting with Jon and staff from the States, where I found my self taking control to get the next steps in process (and then, Dave Stewart, the SCCM engineer fucked off and put an OOO message on Teams telling me he’s off until Tuesday (it’s Thursday)...and I am off on Monday!) But, I have to say this project does float my boat. Got a text message and then a call from PCH for another laser eye appt this coming Monday at 12.30pm. I mentioned to the lady that phoned that I will have to square it with work (I won’t, but she doesn’t know that) as I can’t afford to lose my job - it just seems the hospital, while under pressue with the admin and the clinic availability - I get it! - just aren’t seeing the issues for the patients. Plus, Peterborough has been declared a Tier 3 from Sunday under the new lockdown scheme, the highest tier. Great...I really want to travel to a highly infected area! managed to find an online booze shop that does Gordon’s and Famous Grouse and will deliver beforee Chrimbo, so I’ve placed the order for dad and Rita’s gift. I spoke with Dad today, he hasn’t heard about his vaccination yet which is a surprise (he’s in the first draft being over 80)

Day 272: Typing on day 273. Work was that manic shit at the end of the dya when I’ve got time off. I am only off on Moday but still had to tie up loose ends, complictaed further by Jon being off next week and Sueanne off this week and the Qfiniti project! In the evening I only mamaged three beers. I ate too much. Plus my sugars were all over the place and way too high! I ordered a torch a couple of days ago (£17), it arrived today. It takes rechargeable batteries or 3 AAAs. Apparently, to get the best performance (i.e. brightness) you need the rechargeable batteries in it, so i charged ‘em. Fucking hell, I’m glad I did - it’s brighter than the sun. It opens up my late walks in winter, for sure.

Day 273: While it was a very late (but sober) night yesterday (gone 4am before lights out) I was up before midday. Usual walking etc. plus gave the bathroom a clean (albeit with wipes, but I did mop the floor - and used the water to also mop the kitchen). Now I am about to stick a pizza in the oven, plus wedges (to have with microwaveable chip shop curry sauce) and watch This Is 40 which is coincidentally on telly tonight - the coincidence being clips of it are on TikTok a lot right now. I am on my second beer and am going to have a smoke right now as well. Lastly for this entry, I have been using my AudioPro speaker today, it pisses me off it’s not WiFi capable but, thru Bt, it does sound fucking good - revisiting James works very well to demonstrate the speaker’s prowess.

Day 274: I have another Paypal a/c. I have been getting emails to my standard gmail account from Paypal saying they are going to charge me £9 for an inactive account which I have been largely ignoring since my paypal a/c has a specific email address. Anyway, I tried to log in, after a password reset and, hey presto, I do have another one, with £35 in it, having just been fleeced of £9 for the aforementioned inactivity, fuckers. It’s registered with the old Market Place address and phone. When I try to transfer the £35 to my card, it wants to confim it’s me by calling the phone, which I can’t amend. Oh, and you can’t contact Paypal direct. Fuck knows what to do! Other than that, usual Sunday, a tad more relaxed since I have tomorrow off, but not that much now I have an eye appointment in Tier 4 Peterborough (it’s been up’d from tier 3)! Up at 1.30 pm (I watched This is 40 and The Guvners last night with lots of beer), feeling worse for wear but, stair climb and a 6 miler acheived!

Day 275: I was at the hospital for 3 hours. The laser clinic didn’t start until 1.30pm so, why my appointment was at 12.20, not even the consultant could understand. 15 minutes of lasering - horrible but I am used to it. It took so long it pretty much fucked my day off up completely. I got a Christmas card from Karen, in the actual post, so, a mail shot. It’s depressing.

Day 276: Back to work and it’s definitely in wind down mode. I’ve decided to compile a list of things I have done this year. It will be on the postive side, such as all the steps I’ve walked and getting an article published about my photography, but it will also include randon facts like getting bitten by a dig twice and not having a haircut. I’ll get it done so I can post in at new year, hopefully be a little inspiring, a little silly and a lot of showing off!

Day 277: Work, again, was quiet. It’s fucking pissing down now, as I type at 21:50, and has been all day. It’s causing havoc and there’s flooding everywhere. I could walk down St. Peter’s Road tonight ‘cos of it (had to go up New Road, Springfield Road, down Latham Road). Soaked a lunhtime and tonight! With a new variant of Coronavirus, France stopped frieght crossing the border. That’s now been resolved but tyeh back log has/is affecting certain food stocks in the shops, of which, fresh veg might affect me for Christams dinner (I plan to do a chicken breast with stuffing, pigs in blankets, yorkshire pud and shed loads of veg. I’ll nip to Co-Op tomorrow morning and see what’s vaialble. It’s a half day at work ‘cos of Christmas Eve, so I can nip out somewhere in the car if need be, as ong as the flooding has subsided. Or I could just get shitfaced and have burgers and pizza.

Day 278: Christmas Eve. Sueanne let me finish at 11.00am so, very shortly thereafter, off for a walk I went; it turned out to be a stop/start affair - flooding as the Nene had burst its banks, ended up doing more of a circuit round town. Bumped into Andy Smith (and his son) and, after that, Ash and Denise. Ended up doing just under 11.5km in 2 and a half hours.Knackered! As I type, I have a chilli on the stove, beer on the go, all the veg and chicken breast bought with no shortages, as feared, for tomorrow’s lunch and looking forward to eating. getting drunk, smoking, listening to music, watching telly....all over the next two/three days.

Day 279: I don’t even remember going to bed last night. As a direct result I got out of bed at 2.30pm. I couldn’t even be bothered with Christmas dinner, let alone anything else like exercise. I’m just about to have chilli for dinner (it’s 8.10pm). Watch some telly then try an go to sleep before midnight. No booze! I did talk to dad earlier. Day 280: Typing on day 281. A better, more productive day. Up @11.00am exercise and walk as usual, although the walk was a different route due to flooding. In the evening I could hear ‘storm Bella’ raging, so windy! I cooked a christmas dinner of sorts, chicken breast with Thyme, all the veg, roasted spuds and parsnip, stuffing (a first for me, albeit co-op stuffing mix), Yorkshie and pigs in blankets. It was smashing! A few beers and The Hitman’s Bodyguard, alays a fun watch. A better day, as I say, but I am feeling particular deflated this Christmas. Day 281: Typing on day 282. I realised, about mid afternoon, that Monday (tomorrow) is a bank holiday so no work. It was a great realisation but, also, worrying that it dawned on my like I’m an old person! Nevertheless, a nice long walk - bumped into Baz & Kate and had a nice long chat, then El & Camila, Aaron and Eva for another, shorter chat. I also saw Denise & Ash along the way. Fog video called later in the evening for a chat too (he told me how he fell asleep at the dinner table, fuck he makes me laugh - unwittingly - when I need it most!) A regular social fest! A repeat of last night’s dinner and a few beers - it was a good day albeit I am in a proper low ebb.

Day 282: Up at midday after a 4am-er. A very long walk (1.75 hours) and a hodge podge dinner (remaining chilli, roasted spuds and peppers, steamed cauliflower and runner beans, grated cheese) - it’s nearly ready, I’ll type the review tomorrow. I realise that this is the first time in 21 Christmases that I have at least talked to K. Is that connected to my mood slump? I reckon so. So, as that fact dawned on me, I then considered, should it be the case next Christmas, it will not be the first in along time and, as such, more manageable....fuck knows how I manage to accentuate any little positive but, thank goodness I do. Day 283: Work was a sedate affair today, fuck all to do really. Sueanne is now follwing me on Insta...I shall invetsigate on how to exclude posts to individuals, methinks. Tea, last night, was fucking lovely. More of the same tonight-ish - currently I am roasting spuds, peppers, garlic, chillies, tomatoes - it’ll all go with left over pigs-in-blankets (5) and a burger. I’ll have bisto beef with mustard on it. I can’t wait! Day 284: Typing on day 285. That meal was fucking lush! Checked on the car todfay and it would not start. Something is draining the battery so I will have to give it a run every day until I can get Julian to sort it. So, I WhatsApp’d Karen to borrow the portable starter. She dropped it off for me. We had the briefest of chats at the doorstep, first time we’ve spoken in weeks. She mentioned my hair! Day 285: NYE. I have just got back from walking to Cottersock and back. I would not have been able to do so without my new torch! I finished and published my double letter quiz on FB, including to the Virtual Pub group and the Oundle Chatter. It’s had some good feedback, I’m rather proud of it. I am going to make chicken casserole now (with dumplings - a first for me, I even bought some flour), have some beers and get a bit stoned. Before that, I am going to finish off my list of things I’ve done this year, including steps wlaked and hours listening on Spotify. I am quite proud of that list too.

Day 286: I fucked the dumplings up, added too much water, so that didn’t happen but the chicken casserole was good, just about to finish it for tea tonight. I also had pizza last night and went to bed at 5am. I have had a lot of good feedback on my list of 2020 achievements. I proud of it. K sent a happy new WhatsApp last night, around 00.30.

Day 287: No booze last night, so I was up before the alarm today (about 10.00am) Two walks, one on my own, another with Fog with a couple of beers. I fucking loved it! Watching datrts (World champs semi finals - been texting Dan while the first one has been on). Going to watch The Aviator later...I’ve not seen it before which surprises me. Why it surprises me I do not know, since I know I haven’t seen it. How the fuck can I be surprised by a fact I’m completely aware of? Day 288: I didn’t watch The Aviator ‘cos Logan Luck was on at 11:55pm on ITV4. Great fildm...I can’t believe that I very nearly paid for it (rent from Sky or Amazon). A late one last night and quite pissed. Thinking about it, having afew beers with Fog in the afternoon made it quite a long sesh for me! Up at just gone midday today, nice long walk (Cotterstock) which was mde long by a painful right ankle - I must have turned or twiested slightly sometime. Still, it survived. Back to work tomorrow - Chrimbo and New Year all done and dusted for the 55th time in my life!

Day 289: First day back at work of 2021. Boris announces another full lockdown in England (there’s a new strain of Covid19 which is seeing huge numbers of infections every day, over 50,000 per day).

Day 290: Something is up with my right foot, the little toe pad. It’s bloody sore. If it gets any worse it’ll affect my walking and exercise. I phoned Anne Bennison to talk about it, she just wants me to go and see her which i donlt want to do if poss, pandemic and all that.

Day 291: Wearing my sandals instead of the M&S slippers and my foot/toepad is already feeling bteer. However, I did inspect my Merrell boots, just in case, and the sole on te right is really worn down, in just three months. I have sent a WhatsApp to CotswoldOutdoors, where I got them from....let’s see what they say! It’s all kicking off i  the US - pro Trump protestors have storm the Capitol Building, where congrees was being held. Only in ‘Merica.

Day 292: Busy at work with rolling out Qfiniti - all that project work was pretty much for fuck all since the SCCM package has to hand held. It’s feckin’ freezing today, below freezing, slippy af on my walks. I have been shopping tonight, £106 in Corby Tesco. That does include 8 cans of sapporo.

Day 293: The fracas at Capitol Hill on Wednesday left 5 dead, it looks like Trump will be impeached. He’s already said he’ll not attend Biden’s inauguration. In a fucking world gone mad, it’s another level of madness. It’s really cold -3℃ tonight, more of the same tomorrow. Makes for brisk walks. I’ve just had chicken balti pie and chips for tea. It was so nice that I burnt the roof of my fucking gob. I’m on the Sapporo and about to have a smoke then watch Jack Reacher. I’ve (kinda) earnt after the first 5 day week for a while.

Day 294: Well, last night saw another late one...5am by the time I :went to sleep. Up at 2pm today with no instention of any exercise or walking or housework or fuck all, really. But, I did my exercises and a 9 mile walk. While I walked I came across Banners, quick 15 min chat and listed to Stage by David Bowie. He’s all over the radio right now as it’s his death’s anniversary tomorrow and his birthday yesterday. It’s a fucking good live album. A few beers tonight, eating trash, watching FA Cup highlights then End of Watch later.  Posh played today (first time in a while due to Covid infections) drew away to (shitty) Lincoln 1-1. Good point as Posh were down to ten men after 67 mins for a second yellow for handball in the area. Lincoln missed the pen. Fucking funny. Chorley, the non leaguers who knocked Posh out in round 2 of the FA Cup, beat Derby in round 3 today (albeit derby fielded an academy side of 11 first timers due to Covid ) - a great day for them!

Day 295: Up at 2pm swearing blind I’d not walk or exercise (again!) but, of course I did. I’ve done over 25 miles this w/e! End of Watch was brilliant last night. Well worth a rewatch, so emotional. I am making butter chicken as I type. I’ve added extra onion, garlic and, of course, chillies. It’s the spiciest butter chicken I have ever tasted! 

Day 296: One of those frustrating days at work when no problem of request I try to resolve goes without a hitch. After a 7km walk in the evening, took the car for a spin and cleaned the bathroom. Fucking knackered. It’s 11:30pm and I’m in bed typing this on the iPad! despite getting up so late, I feel knackered. 11pm bedtime for me, I reckon.

Day 297: Fucking busy at work, the States rolled out a new Okta trust policy and it caused mayhem. Meant my evening walk didn’t start ‘til gone 6pm. When I got back, clened the hall and stairs, made chilli (which I am about to have for tea (gone 10.15pm!) and showered. I’m, again, fucking knackered! Posh played Portsmouth in the EFL Trophy 3rd round at home. Won 5-1. Nice.

Day 298: Had an electrician rouind for the EICR cetrt. He was here until 2pm and it was a pain in the arse, having to work upstairs plus, with having to cut the electricity, all the smart devices lost their settings. And it was freezing up there.

Day 299: Work was impossibly infuriating. Not one pc remote session went to plan! It was pissing down a lunchtime during my walk but, I have to say, the cheap TargetDry coat copes fine in heavy rain for short periods. Everywhere is flooding again even though the rain turned to sleet. By my evening walk, it was dry but bloody cold. Then, when I got in I cleaned the kitchen and mopped the floor and the bathroom’s as well. I fucking done in! Chatted to dad today - same as ever!

Day 300: What a fucking work at week! I am so glad it’s Friday. To celebrate, I ordered new walking boots: Scarpas £121!

[jeonggukingdom]

mots démoniaques, 3 | aquiver

▽ Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

▽ Genre:  [mythological!AU, demon!AU] | Angst, Smut, Romance

▽ Summary:  You can sense from miles away the sin that dances on his tongue, the words that he so loves to shape into sinister thoughts and morph into sickening outcomes aimed at tainting and wrecking all things mundane and innocent. Kim Taehyung - a voice of honey and features of a cherub - is nothing but a monster. He has lived millenniums, yet, he has never found such a fascinating creature as you are and polluting your very being has slowly become his entire life motive.

▽ Word Count: 6.249 words

▽ prompt word: aquiver

▽ AN: The Amanojaku is a small demon that finds its roots in the Japanese folklore. Everything besides his name and his power - aka the ability to instigate people into wickedness with his words - is entirely the fruit of my own imagination and doesn’t have anything to do with the original myth.

▽ ▽  WARNINGS: graphic depictions of sexual intercourse, oral sex (receiving), fingering, dirty talk.

« Previous | Next »

June, 2014

The white cotton shirt you’re wearing adheres to your skin in the most uncomfortable fashion, the fabric feeling like glue on your chest and the small of your back as you sweat your whole existence away.

It is one of those blazing hot days that makes you wish you owned AC in your apartment or, at the very least, a freaking fan to spend your days in front of. But, alas, you do not have the luxury of owning either of those and therefore, you are stuck with natural air circling in from the window as you stare into the distance, your mind riling up with thousands of thoughts and scenarios all at the same time.

Today is an important day, the most important one even—if you were to exclude graduating from college.

It has been roughly one year since your school career has come to an end and, well, news flash: being an adult sucks.

Finding a decent job wasn't as easy as you initially envisioned, even with your perfect performance at college and now, quite a few months later, you are facing the consequences of still deciding on going to live alone with your boyfriend—currently very unemployed, sadly.

It has been a hell of a ride so far and yet, a great part of you wouldn't change a thing just because with him, you have come to experience real happiness. You know, the one not even money can buy.

But as you nervously tap your foot on the ground, you do find your heart swelling in apprehension over the news Taehyung will bring with him back home.

You have finally found a decent job at a nice office a good forty minutes bus drive away from your own tiny-ass apartment and, in the past four months, your entire income has been devolved to keeping you and your boyfriend alive while still being able to pay the rent.

Today, though, things could potentially turn in a far better direction.

Taehyung left in the morning for his final job interview at a corporate across town, one that he'd been dreaming to work for at least for the past year.

The long selection of candidates had been draining on you both in equal measure in both spirit and finances.

Let it all be worth it, please. That is the thought passing through your head like a mantra for the hundredth time when you hear the unequivocal rumble of Taehyung's old motorcycle turning around the corner.

That bloody thing is bound to leave him stranded in the middle of the street one day—honestly, it is a miracle it is still in one piece and moving.

Taehyung has inherited his bike from his father and he had bought it with his first salary when he was still a teenager.

Basically, the thing is pretty much ancient and needs more work than it is worth and, even if you both were willing to try and turn it back to its initial splendour, without a single penny to spare it can only remain a dream.

You usually hate the sound of that god-damn motorcycle or the unbearable stink that comes with it in the air as it puffs out pretty much charcoal but, today, even that sound feels different. It feels full of hope for the future, full of promises.

You almost jump from the parapet to get inside your living room—well, living room, bedroom, and kitchen because you couldn't afford more than a two-room apartment—and rush to the door, waiting for him like a puppy ready to welcome its owner.

Your feet keep thumping on the floor nervously as you eagerly wait for the door to spring open and for Taehyung's face to appear before you, hopefully with a wide grin spread on his lips. If you had a tail, you'd definitely be shaking it right about now.

Your heart misses a beat as you hear the sound of the key being thrust inside the keyhole to unlock the door and a few seconds after, your boyfriend's face comes in view, his eyes becoming as big as saucers as they land on you and the expectant look painted on your features.

His lips turn a little downwards as he faces you while closing the door behind his back.

"So?" You ask eagerly and you do realize how annoying you must look like, especially if he's actually bringing bad news alongside him but you simply cannot help yourself.

He clears his throat, his eyes diverting from your face to the floor, his shoulders slumping as he starts biting his bottom lip.

Your face falls alongside his mood, your heart feeling like somebody is squeezing it hard inside your chest.

"I'm sorry, ________, I..." Taehyung's voice is barely above a whisper as he opens his mouth, his eyes still focused on anything but you and you hate it.

You hate how he must feel right now, you also hate yourself for running to the door so expectantly you installed in him the fear of letting you down. But most importantly, you hate the sound of your own voice as you try to make it all better with your words.

"It's ok, baby, we'll still manage," it doesn't sound convincing even to your own ears as you voice your thoughts out loud, trying to sell a lie to him and to yourself as well.

The past few months have been rough and, frankly, it will only get rougher as time goes by, as winter comes and you'll need to warm up the place and actually heat food on the stove to keep yourself from freezing to death.

"I'm sorry," Taehyung repeats, his voice sounding so broken it moves you on the verge of tears.

That is until he lifts up his face and the brightest grin you've ever seen is plastered on it. What was breaking his voice up weren’t choked up tears, it was the attempt of keeping the giggles in.

"I'm sorry to inform you we are going to move out this rat-hole by the end of the month!"

A couple of seconds pass between the words he pronounces and your reaction to them. There is that tiny fraction of a second where you fail to comprehend what his words entail that has Taehyung absolutely beaming before your very eyes.

“You mother-fucker!” The shriek you produce in response to his teasing makes him laugh out loud, his eyes still glinting with mischief and pride over his astounding acting skills.

You would feel very livid about him joking about something so important if your whole life didn’t depend on it. Anger is very quickly subdued by utter joy and relief and hope for a far greater future.

It’s those feelings that propel your body forward, your arms reaching for your boyfriend so that you can finally hug him tight to your chest, feel his warmness even in the scorching hot summer day and simply relish in his presence, in your being together here and now, ready to start a new chapter of your lives.

You are unaware of the tears spilling down your eyes and staining your cheeks a mellow grey until Taehyung’s grasp around your body tightens, his eyes searching for yours as guilt and concern peek through them.

“Why are you crying, baby?” His voice is low and soft and it makes your insides melt like butter under the sun. How is he still capable of doing this after the many years you’ve spent together, you wonder.

“I’m just happy,” you murmur, your voice trembling as you try to gulp down all the emotions that menace to spill out of you like a downpour.

The weight of the past couple of months, the fear of crippling depth getting closer every single day, the doubts for the future and the effort to keep up the strong façade and a happy smile on your lips even during the hardest of times all come tumbling down with the relief of his news. It’s as if he broke down all the walls you had built around your weak heart in one single blow and now, everything is overflowing in every direction and you simply have no means to control it any more.

Taehyung’s delicate fingers reach your cheeks to catch the tears before they dry on your warm skin, his lips plant little loving kisses on top of your head and his voice turns soft and gentle as he tries to dissipate the storm of emotions taking over you.

You’d love to stop crying, especially because you’re supposed to be celebrating right now, but it feels like you will never stop doing so just because, for months, you have forced all of them down to the point you were almost choking on them every time you had to breathe.

Long minutes pass before the little sobs come to a halt and your red and puffy eyes are given reprieve from the overflowing cascade.

By the time your quivering and ragged breath slows down completely, you are beyond tired, almost as if you have just run a marathon during the hottest hours of the day.

Your mouth is completely dry, to the point it almost feels like your tongue has turned into sandpaper, and your head is thrumming with the unequivocal beginning of a tremendous headache.

Your boyfriend smiles at you, his lips turning thin as they curve up while his eyes shine with unspoken relief.

“There we go,” he mutters, drying up every last drop of tears stuck under your lash line and you smile back at him whilst sniffing loudly through your clogged nose.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, your eyes fixing on your feet in shame and remorse over your complete breakdown.

Taehyung’s fingers caress your left cheek before wrapping around your chin to tilt it upwards and force your eyes back on him.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, so stop apologising,” he whispers back before touching your nose with the tip of his own, the tenderness of the little touch tugging at your heartstrings to the point you can feel it swelling inside your chest.

"There is one thing though," he adds after a few seconds and you tilt your head upwards a little bit further to pry inside his eyes.

The question pending on your tongue can easily be read by Taehyung without you needing to voice it out loud for him and it paints an amused smile on his lips.

"I've been dying to kiss you since I left this morning so, may I?" The playfulness in his tone makes you scoff out loud, your eyes rolling towards the ceiling as you feign annoyance over his antics when, in reality, you both know you have been waiting for his touch the whole day as well so it doesn't really come as a surprise that you close the distance between your faces in an instant, eager to claim his mouth.

Taehyung's lips are as soft as cotton candy and just as sweet as they open for you, welcoming your tongue as you easily move it past his teeth to play with his own.

The kiss is slow and deep and it makes your eyes flutter close and a sigh escape your lips as you twist your head a little to the side, making it easier for him to bend forward and hold you close to his chest.

His big hands keep you steady and firm, flush against him with a possessive hold that makes your heart pump hard against your ribcage.

“Tae...,” the tiny whimper that moves past your swelling lips is all it takes for his hands to move southwards and turn a little more passionate, just a drop rougher on your supple flesh.

His fingers easily palm the expanse of your ass, squeezing your cheeks in a way that makes you hiss in nothing but pure arousal.

You can feel your nipples hardening against the dump fabric of your shirt and there is no doubt he can feel them too with your chests pressed so tightly together.

He tilts his head a little further to the side to leave your mouth and rather attack the tender skin under your ear.

Taehyung’s lips can always be either a blessing and a curse and as they hardly press against your skin they feel like one and the other at the same time.

He blooms deep purple flowers on his favourite spot between the curve of your jawline and your clavicles and every little suck, every little lick of his tongue, make you shiver and sigh for him.

“I’ve been thinking about you the whole day,” he confesses through heavy breaths as his fingers tug on the hem of your wet shirt to lift it off of you.

Your arms automatically fly up to the sky, your back arching a little to help the fabric off of your hot and needy flesh.

“Yeah?” You whisper, throwing your head backwards as he pulls your bra down to free your breasts from their confinement, “And what have you been thinking about?”

You lick your lips as his mouth encloses around your already-hardened left nipple, his teeth gracing the delicate flesh in a teasing manner that has your walls contracting on thin air in expectation.

“Oh, all sort of things,” he hums with that low tone of his he knows gets to you every single time.

The sound of his voice as deep as the ocean is usually more than enough to turn you soaking wet and as his mouth works his way on the expanse of your chest, there is not a single doubt your underwear is already being ruined beyond salvage by your growing arousal.

“All the nasty things I’d love to do to you,” he says next as he unclasps your bra to discard it on the floor and move on to his next target.

He falls to his knees and your hands automatically fly to his long and curly brown locks to tug a little on them and make him hiss for you—if sounds could be described as sensations, what escapes from Taehyung mouth during lewd activities would be like warm and liquid honey moving past your lips, falling down your throat and finally coiling inside your stomach to blissfully fill it in heat on a frigid winter day.

“Like bending you over the table in my future office and taste your delicious pussy in front of everyone.”

The lascivious words that leave his mouth in a deep whisper draw a needy moan out of yours, they turn your fingers rough on his hair and they subdue any lingering emotions by drowning them all in wanton desire.

“Would you like that, baby?” He asks, his voice suggesting he already knows perfectly well the answer to his question but has no intention to stop teasing you in every possible way he can.

His hands are slow and gentle as they reach behind your back, their focus clearly the hem of your cotton shorts and what lies beneath them and you only make it easier for him when you lean into his touch so obediently, so blinded by the need to feel him everywhere around you. The silky fabric slides down your legs with utter ease, pooling at your ankles at his command so that he can finally seek the treasure he had been looking for.

His slender fingers are all over your butt cheeks in an instant, the warmness of his touch making you sigh and close your eyes in blissfulness.

Just like his voice, Taehyung’s hands hold incredible power on the tips of its digits and it is evident in the way your body awakens under the simplest of touches.

The sensation of his tongue flat on your coated sex comes unexpectedly while you are blinded by your closed eyelids and it makes you whimper out for him, your heart missing a beat as expectation starts to spread all over your body.

“You are so eager tonight, baby” He hums a few inches away from your soaked panties, successfully sending shivers to run up and down your spine, “Have you been thinking about me as well, perhaps?”

His words are spoken with a suggestive tone in them that makes it clear he, yet again, already knows the answer to his question but still would like to hear you speak it out loud for him.

His eyes turn expectant as he lifts his gaze up to you in a puppy-like demeanour that tugs at your heartstrings anew and makes it impossible for you to resist him—not that you even want to.

“I always think about you,” you confess, your voice quivering as soon as you see his mouth drawing closer to your neglected sex.

His eyes are still stuck on you as he stops right atop your core, so close that his breath keeps caressing the dampened underwear in slow waves that make your insides twitch blissfully.

“Yeah? And what do you think about?” His voice is low, barely above a whisper but you still catch up on every syllable that falls from his beautiful mouth.

You clear your throat after gulping down heavily, your heart thumping fast against your ribcage as you ponder over your response because you know, without a single doubt, he will give it to you. Whatever you desire, he is ready to hand to you and the infinite list of things he is capable of beautifully torturing you with make it quite the demanding task for you to choose.

“I think about your mouth kissing my sex,” you whimper out, foretasting the moment his lips will come in contact with your sex and surely, a few seconds after, they do, eagerly following your directions.

“I think about you pulling down my panties with your teeth.”

His eyes shine with mischief as they refocus on you, the playful smirk on his lips only an inkling of his true and most devious intentions.

His pearly whites come in contact with your feverish skin, masterfully wrapping around the hem of your underwear to drag it down your legs and finally release your wet core.

He nuzzles his face between your legs, inhaling loudly to fill his sense of smell with your scent.

You gasp for him whilst resuming your strong hold on his locks, turning quite demanding and explicit with your desires.

“What else?” He whispers on your core, the nice vibrations making you shiver from head to toe.

“You-your tongue teasing me, tasting me, torturing me-ah!”

The words have barely the chance to leave your mouth before he’s all over you, tasting you like he is a famished man in front of a fucking feast and you are rendered speechless in the span of a few seconds.

His hands still firmly pressed on your ass keep you perfectly in place as he savours your dripping arousal with his lavish tongue, the sounds he emits as he eats you out a blessing to the ears.

All the little grunts, the heavy pants as he struggles to breathe between your legs, the slurping sounds as he voraciously claims every single drop that escapes past your lips throw you into a haze of pleasure that has you demanding more from him in whimpering broken whispers.

A sigh of both relief and disappointment escapes your mouth as you are given reprieve from his ministrations. In any other occasion, you would tug harder on his locks, make it clear that you wish for more but you did say ‘torturing me’ and, surely, Taehyung has every intention of following your words to perfection.

His eyes refocus on you, glinting with desire and playfulness and you can’t help but crack a smile for him and turn your grasp gentler, affectionate.

The fingers that were almost painfully locked in his hair are now caressing his head, his cheeks and his rosy lips wet with your juices.

He turns his face to the side to plant a quick and delicate kiss on the palm of your hand before leaning into your touch, closing his eyes to savour the sensation of your fingers on his skin.

“What else have you thought about me doing?” He asks next, his voice thick with need and devotion.

“Fucking me on this floor,” the confession makes your skin boil because on any other day you would have never admitted it out loud but as Taehyung’s eyes focus on you, desire burning inside his onyx eyes, there is not a single drop of regret in you.

“Is that so...” he whispers atop your skin before placing light kisses on your inner thigh, his tone pensive as if he is trying to envision claiming your body right here, right now.

His hands move from the curve of your ass to your hips, applying just enough force to drag your body down so you can lie on the floor beneath him.

“What about our fine carpet?” He asks as your back hits the rough fabric of the ancient rug, his eyes curious as he pries into yours.

His legs rest on either side of your hips, his hands trapping your head in place as he expectantly looks down at you, a little smirk already drawn on his mouth.

“We can afford a new one now, can’t we?”

Taehyung laughs at your words, shaking his head a little with your unexpected response.

“We really can, my love.” He says after a few seconds while inching forward to attack your neck and plant a few kisses there and rejoice in the little sighs you produce.

Your eyes flutter shut as he drags his lips downward, gracing your skin with the softest of touches to both shower you with love and make you squirm impatiently the closer he gets to where your desire lies.

The gentle kisses feel far warmer when they are planted on your mouth and they make your hips roll forward, desperate to feel more of his inciting touch.

When his mouth opens and he inhales loudly you close your eyes even harder in response whilst holding your breath, your body feeling on the brink of self-destructive implosion as you wait for him to claim you anew.

His heavenly lips encircle your clitoris with masterful precision and your back arches for him, your mouth opens in a silent moan that makes him suck on the little trigger in retaliation until you are forced to whimper out his name.

“I want to hear you,” he says, his lips brushing your skin as he slightly lifts his gaze up to meet your own.

Just like you, Taehyung has a fixation over the little sound you can produce while having sex with him and you know pretty well how worked up he can get by them and that is precisely why you give up any resolve about being quiet the instant his slender fingers start teasing your dripping core.

“Baby... please,” the quivering whine that escapes from your lips makes him smile in satisfaction, the little smirk looking almost infuriating to you when you’d put his mouth to far better use, “Stop teasing,” you add, a little pout turning your lips downwards in that adorable way you know gets to him every single time.

Without fail, Taehyung follows your pleas and directions with rapid eagerness to please you and in an instant, his slender fingers are lodged inside of you, stretching your walls in all the right places.

Your sighs and soft mewls fill the room alongside the sound of your squelching core under his masterful ministrations.

Taehyung stares into your face with that mesmerizing look of adoration that makes your insides absolutely melt while he completely ruins you with his touch.

It is maddening to see how much he knows your body and what it likes, it is almost scary to realize there isn't a single part of you he hasn't explored already, being so bent on mapping your entire body with his own, in every way possible.

It is impossibly easy for him to reach and find all the pleasure spots hidden within you and he does it so masterfully it leaves you absolutely breathless every single time.

His tongue darts out of his mouth again to tease your clitoris and make your eyes roll back inside your head. Your back arches almost instantly as he consequently curls his fingers inside of you, timing his ministration in a way that doesn't allow any reprieve.

Your breath turns ragged, your lips start to tremble as you part them to beg him for more whilst the pressure in your stomach gets stronger, heavier.

Reading your body like an open book, Taehyung slides another one of his digits inside of you, the motion rendered sleek and effortless by your dripping arousal.

"Tae..." the begging tone of your voice draws his eyes back on you, his lips twisting into another smile as he lifts his face up after leaving the apex of your core with a lewd pop.

His fingers turn a little rougher inside of you as you stare down at him, your mouth still parted as if you were about to say something else but found yourself incapable of doing so.

You gulp down heavily, the rhythm set between your legs turning almost bruising as you start to whimper for him, unsure yourself whether you want him to stop or keep going until you are melting right on the palm of his hand.

"I-," you quickly lick your lips, your mouth feeling suddenly dry by the pending release that has your walls already contracting wildly all around his fingers, "I want m-more."

Taehyung's eyes seem to turn into two onyx stones for a second, not a single glint of light reflected in them but, when he stares down at your core again, you find yourself whimpering at the lust reflected in those irises.

Your legs bend a little as you turn a little shy under his gaze, the desire of covering up the state of your battered sex growing almost overpowering as he licks his lips as if he is about to taste the most delicious meal ever.

His eyes shoot you a warning glare and before you know it, his mouth is secured around your little trigger again, sucking and pulling on the tender flesh until you are whimpering in pleasure and coating both his hand and his face with your glistening release.

"Beautiful," he mutters to himself as he releases your sex with both his mouth and fingers, allowing you to finally catch your breath.

Your body shudders at the sensation of emptiness he leaves within your sex as he draws back to take a better look at the state he has so quickly reduced you to.

"I want more," you croak out, your eyes pointedly fixing between his legs and the evident tent in them.

He laughs and clicks his tongue, tilting his head to the side while raising his eyebrows in a taunting way that dares you to be more specific, pronounce the final lascivious words that are standing between you and his almighty cock.

"In my fantasies, you never have clothes on," you chose to say, aiming to resume your little game.

Taehyung scoffs at your choice but still happily complies, not wasting the chance he was given of teasing you, yet again.

His fingers are still coated in your arousal and he makes it a point to lick them off before you, his eyes shining with mischief as he makes all those lewd sounds that turn your skin boiling hot and your core absolutely aflame in anticipation.

His fingers glisten with his saliva mixed with the remnants of your arousal as he lets them drop to the hem of his shirt, eager to finally set himself free.

He lifts his own t-shirt off and discards it somewhere behind him, carelessly throwing the fabric away so that he can step out of his pants next and feel some relief on his neglected sex.

His underwear is white and thin and it does absolutely nothing to conceal both his boner and the dark spot right in front of the tip of his cock.

"Do you see what you do to me without even touching me, baby?" He says as he palms himself before you, his eyes still fixed on your features to gauge your reaction.

You lick your lips in expectation, almost feeling the tip of his cock moving past your them and blessing you with his bittersweet taste and surely your train of thoughts must be really apparent because he sighs loudly and squeezes his sex harder, almost as if he's imagining your lips closing around it.

"Are you going to make me beg for it?" You retort whilst opening your legs a little more to draw his eyes back on your dripping core.

As soon as his gaze is fixed right where you wanted it to be you roll your hips suggestively, your left hand teasing your own swollen lips to taunt him a little bit further.

He draws in a sharp breath and cuts the distance between your bodies short while removing his boxer briefs in one go.

"Absolutely not," he retorts, his voice quivering as his hand flies to his now liberated cock.

The sight of his head tinted a painful-looking red glistening with arousal makes your mouth water and for a moment you do consider closing your legs, tease him a little by denying him access to your sex just to take him in your mouth but as he gives himself a little pump to release some of the scorching desire you cave in completely, too eager to finally have him inside of you to care about silly little games.

Taehyung stares right inside your eyes as he lodges himself between your legs, his hands on either side of your head.

"You know I love you, right?" He whispers, placing a soft and chaste kiss on top of your lips—a striking juxtaposition to the way his cock is slightly twitching atop your core, your skin deliciously brushing together as he nicely coats his sex with your juices.

You nod your head yes a few times and steal another kiss from his mouth before openly voicing out your feelings as well.

"I love you too, baby, so so much."

Taehyung smiles and places playful kisses on your jawline while aligning himself with your sex, clearly unable to resist any longer.

The moment the tip of his head moves past your labia you sigh in unison, relief spreading through your limbs as you finally get a taste of what you had been craving for the entire day.

His lips find the curve of your neck again and as he starts to push himself inside of you, inch by inch, he decides to suck onto the tender flesh until you are whimpering at the sensation of your skin being pulled by the passionate vice whilst your walls get stretched so blissfully by his engorged cock.

"You feel so good, baby," he whispers atop your skin as he switches to tender kisses on the same spot, his lips aiming to ease the little pain they provoked a few seconds ago.

"Yeah?" You whimper out as you move your legs to anchor them behind his back, "I can make you feel ten times better."

Your words make him groan loudly in the crook of your neck as he struggles to not slam right into you and finally quench his desire.

"Fuck me, baby," you add in a lewd whisper as your arms encircle his neck to keep him close to you as you start rolling your hips to meet his.

Your words really do pull the last straw for him and as they leave your mouth, he sinks right inside of you with a deep growl.

Your eyes roll inside your head, your back arching a little as he starts pushing and pulling his hips towards your sex, aiming effortlessly at the sweet spot he has conquered an incredible amount of times already.

Taehyung voice turns soft again as he whispers sweet nothings inside your ear to tell you how good you are to him, how much he loves you, how grateful he is for having you and also some lewd things like how well you take his cock, how much he loves your pussy and the way your voice sounds when you moan his name out loud for everyone to hear. All the things he says—both the sweet and the passionate ones—work like absolute magic on your body and mind and they turn you into a whimpering, boiling hot mess.

The smell of his cologne seems to amplify as sweat pools on his forehead, his neck, the small of his back and it is intoxicating. It feels like being drowned by his essence, like your own body is getting swept away by it, no, absorbed by it until there is simply no beginning and no end to the both of you.

His hips roll slowly into yours to deepen his thrusts and you pull him even closer to your chest, whimpering his name in his ears just the way he loves it, making him visibly shudder on top of you.

Taehyung grunts at the little sounds you make and picks up his pace to draw more out of you, louder ones and oh, he does.

You are absolutely shameless at this point and it doesn't matter that the walls on this apartment are paper-thin and people can certainly hear the both of you. In fact, you welcome the idea that they might be right about now, and that they may be imagining what you two are doing on the floor and, even more, that they might be getting excited by it.

"Tae," you whimper out again, your bottom lip quivering as your own fantasies and imagination start piling up wood to the already burning fire.

Your voice must sound pleading to his ears, maybe even desperate and it is evident once he starts picking up his pace to turn it bruising inside of you.

The head of his cock brushes relentlessly against your trigger spot and your chest starts heaving as a wave of pleasure washes over you from the tip of your toes right up to your skull.

The deep moan that escapes your mouth is only an inkling of the force of the pleasure that is taking over you and as Taehyung slows down a little you find yourself desperately whimpering at the accidental orgasm denial.

"Come here, baby," he says, his voice low and thick with raw passion as he lifts you up to have you sit on top of him.

"I want you to look inside my eyes as you come," he whispers before stealing a kiss from your mouth.

Your chests brush together as you slowly start to roll your hips forward to meet his, the sensation of his hot flesh pressed against your own hardens your nipples, adding stimulation to the already raging fire between your legs.

"Are you-ah-are you close?"

You tilt your body a little backward, allowing your hips to sink deeper on top of him and he grunts in appreciation as his hands find purchase on the small of your back to keep you still as he fucks into you faster.

Taehyung's low moans and sighs are music to your ears and they turn you even more eager to reach that delightful release while consequently bringing him down with you.

Your mouth seeks his own with roughness, all tongues and teeth clashing against each other until you scream his name and the orgasm makes your body deliciously aquiver for him.

Pearly strings of cum coil inside your stomach as he releases his load inside of you a few seconds after your own orgasm, your juices mixing together and spilling on the poor and forever-ruined carpet while you try to catch your breaths.

You laugh in his arms as he looks down at the state of the both of you and the fabric underneath your sweaty bodies and, soon enough, he is giggling alongside you while shaking his head a little.

His arms move up behind your back so he can drag you down on the floor and keep you there, nicely secured in his arms.

"To a new chapter of our lives," he whispers atop your mouth before stealing a quick kiss from them and you smile down at him, happiness wildly blooming inside your heart at the prospect of a new life together with the man you love.

If only you knew.

Copyright © 2019 by jeonggukingdom. All rights reserved.

[ibatronic]

Still Alive...

BEFORE YOU READ!

The following does get really personal, so please read (if you so choose) with an open heart and genuine sense of compassion and sensitivity. It's also many things I've wanted to get off my chest for ages. The following will also explain my mood in the past two journals I made. It does end on a lighter note, I promise.

It's been ages since I've posted anything online, let alone anything here... Remember months ago, when I had posted a journal about the slump I was feeling and then posted an artwork of me… slump drawing? There’s more beyond me simply losing motivation to make more art. And a few of you might have noticed I posted a rather… shocking status update in which I threatened suicide. Following that post, a lot of the unpleasant feelings and thoughts that I believed were gone came back to haunt me. Additionally, many things in my past came back to haunt me, prompting me to go soul searching and try to better myself.

For those not in-the-know, I have been suffering from clinical and manic depression for about the past 6 years. Speaking in real-life timeline, back in the 6 years, I remember that it started with my severe trouble making friends, communicating with others socially, and trying to fit in with others. My depression wasn’t just caused by my low turnout in the friends department, but also because I'd never truly felt loved by anyone… not even myself. As I grew up, I had no friends all throughout middle school and no friends all throughout high school, and then came to terms with the fact that I have no friends at ALL! Things like having no friends really did have an effect on me… I gave friendship and putting myself out there an earnest try, but after the many times I got hurt and betrayed, that was the end of it for me.  People like myself who are alone usually spend their time practicing something they like, in my case being my art, writing, and studying. From other sources and from my own experience, it helps to be noticed for your talents and interest. This pretty much tied into, if you’d notice, why I was actively moping around DA Forums grousing on why my work doesn’t get as much attention as I’d hoped or why those that are recognized do get it. Sometimes, I feel annoyed that noone cares about my work, not even my relatives. My original work. Like, on DeviantArt, I recall fan-art and fan-artists get tons of favorites on their work. While the highest I've ever gotten was 11. I've put hours, days, and sometimes weeks into these and noone cares. And it's mostly criticism that doesn't even make sense. I just want to tell them how hard it is to make the art, but showing people who aren't interested in the hobby will just make them annoyed about it. Everyone is expecting a @$%^ing anime master from every artist and I just don't get it. Some of the time people will make annoying re-colors to get the respect and attention they want, but they do get both of those things in the end. Mostly, how it goes is: A person will make a rather undeveloped character. Then, they will take someone else's artwork and color in their character. Then they will claim it as their own. Then, they will get hate and attention. The person will 'cry' over it and say that they are going to leave that site. People will feel bad for that person, make the person fan art, subscribe to or watch them or whatever, and the person will be filthy-famous and have tons of friends in the end, even though they didn't do jack @$%^! Or they just stoop so low just to get-rich-quick. Argh! I just don't get it any more! I try to hard making quality animation, art, videos, but no one cares what so ever!

I’ve had nobody.  Nobody cared about me.  Going this long without someone besides therapists to confide in, or someone to comfort you or share their likes and dislikes with could really mess you up...

An ordinary day for me back in high school that I rarely overlook, was my recurring plight when it came to being around others. For the majority of my life, I had been nothing but an outcast to people my own age, I never fit in with them since they never truly accepted me as their friend. From what I can remember, each year, I was either on my own or hung out with a group of kids as they talked amongst themselves while I just remained silent. And each year, I make the mistake of even having the tiniest bit of optimism that things just might be different. Having been alone and neglected for a long time, I spent every day seeing what it felt like to be going through what I think are quite possibly the worst years of my adolescent life, with my best and only friend gone (he moved), while I was stuck amongst people whom I felt care very little about me. Now, I’m by myself and with some content. Everyday I would go through the same routine—morning academic classes, lunch break, after classes, dismissal—counting the hours as they go by. For kids that suffered from anxiety or depression, like me, they were sent to the Social Work team where they can vent out their problems and try to uncover any solution or coping mechanism to get by the school year. For me, it might've been a different story because ever since my depression started, I received little check-ins from anyone, not even my own parents, relatives, or any old friends I once had (ones that I talked to in elementary or middle school that won’t talk to me anymore). Most of the time in school, I refused to show any emotion, trying to keep them all bottled up as I go through eight hours by hours while the other students talk amongst themselves and don't pay attention to me.

In life, I find what it is like to be in complete isolation, triggering memories of how I had endured loneliness in my childhood and used to be the timid, awkward, and sullen oddball, knowing that there is noone around to brighten my day, only the sound of other kids talking amongst themselves and having fun much to my envy is all I can hear. On one night as I walked home, I realized that I am really alone, having no idea where my life is going at that rate, or if there is someone out there who really cares about me because not a lot of people have spoken to me for a while ever since I became a high school student years back and regret not getting in much contact with them to see how things were. Plus, my closest relatives, such as my parents and brother are not really much help in my condition. As much as I try to talk to them, I don't get the feeling that they truly understand. The way they respond whenever I attempt to console to them is very dismissive and inconsiderate, further supporting my belief that not even they care about me. In the time I'd wrote this, I swore off telling them any ounce of my problems, as if they would actually care...

Even worse was enduring bullying and abuse from other students that triggered bad memories of what caused me not to be so trusting of others. And, I could not fight back against them all that much, doing nothing other than reacting, glaring, snarking, or giving the occasional finger, which wouldn't last long as I am often overpowered by their popularity, dominance, and miraculous ways of getting reactions out of me. Unless I were lucky to find some kind of way of hitting them. There were some days which ended with me getting sent to the principal’s office in order to acknowledge my mental illness with the staff, not to mention what feelings of trauma I get whenever I’m bullied or harassed by some dastardly kid. Sometimes after the bullying, I would have meltdowns or end up running back to my haven so nobody can see my silent (nonexistent) tears of regret and sorrow, even ignoring whatever pains those bullies left on my heart and body. Sometimes the pain is so intense that I can no longer bottle up my emotions, yet now I refuse to show it in front of others and would rather do it alone in my haven so I can be on to do so freely. The only words I can whisper to myself is “I hate myself…” This is also the case for cyberbullies and predators I've fallen victim of in the past—people have anonymously been mean and hurtful to me, and what's worse is that I REALLY cannot do anything about it besides reporting, especially for pedophiles who have managed to lead me on in the past and take advantage of my open wounds just to get an easy nail... Speaking of bullying, I think it's safe to assume that I'd also sufferred the same at the hands of my own father! In the past, and during my childhood, he would abuse me by striking me every time I screwed something up, even if it was a minor or honest mistake. Being both verbally and physically abusive, I can't exactly say I felt truly safe when around him in hindsight, worrying that one slip-up in front of him could result in another clean bruise on my body. Recently, I recall my father once barging into my room at night while I was asleep and interrogating me about some sort of misunderstanding with his credit card and certain online marketing website. Instead of actually filling me in on what happened or what was going on, he would yell me these questions with no fathomable context whatsoever. Even worse was that initially I was suffering from sleep inertia, so I definitely couldn't quite catch on quickly. Eventually, things led to things, and a heated argument erupted between us, prompting us to get into a shouting match and for me to release all my pent up anger on him, even getting physical and delivering a few blows to him thus further angering him. The incident left me with mixed emotions of confusion, sadness, trauma, and all topped with insomnia since I could not go to sleep for the rest of the night. The things he said to me during all this made assured me that he definitely didn't care about me, and that I was expendable just like all his other abandoned love-children... The feelings, it burns. It is when nobody says happy birthday. It is when family members say they love me yet don't show it. They don't know how to love me, and that is the same as not loving me. It is being alone at lunch. It is being alone and lonely all the time. It is spending hours online finding out how others managed to cope with the stinging feeling I get before I go to bed when my head starts spinning with all the evil truths that nobody cares about me. Sure, some may say they do, but who wants to listen to me talk about my passions? Who wants to help me out? Nobody... Nobody even wants to take time out of their day to spend it with me. It's reading books on how to make friends. It's moping for hours wondering why nobody even likes me, much less loves me. It's changing appearances and attitudes only to be rejected and alone and remain unloved. It's questioning who I am entirely, it's masking who I am and changing who I am and feeling like I'm crazy. It's wishing I could be okay with the fact that nobody loves me but it still feels like a hot hand gripping my throat and a heavy weight on my chest. It's replaying every comment in my head over and over. It's terrible, I can't talk with anyone about it because nobody cares. It hurts, God it hurts!

There was one thing during my time in high school that I could confide in, besides art and drawing…

Back in mid-2015, I remember working hard on a series called “Tails for Hire”; one that parodied the already-parody, Sonic for Hire. With the help of an online ally from Kentucky, I was able to finish it and upload it to YouTube that summer. At the time, my YouTube channel was nothing but cobwebs of old, rather second-rate videos. That was until the first episode of Tails for Hire was released. To my surprise, it garnered over 5,000 views the first week it was uploaded, and I was blown away by the good responses and relatively fair criticism. For the first time, I felt… significant! In retrospect, I realize that what lifted my spirits seeing the comments on my TFH videos was the fact that I had some company. Afterwards, my partner for the video, Tales499 and I talked fairly often, I made another (now former) friend on Skype from Norway, I had so many notifications of comments on the videos. I didn’t feel so alone during all this. I guess I wanted people to talk to and share my feelings with in order to quell my loneliness and compensate for my lack of friendships. I’ll admit, the internet was harsh at times with me, but I learn over the years (and now), that it’s a way of helping you grow thicker skin. This all might explain why I felt the yearning desire for popularity on different social media platforms. Though, I have to admit it does sound rather pathetic for me to console to people behind screens instead of face-to-face.

As some of you who know me from my YouTube channel, you’ll know that Tails for Hire is currently on an undeterminably long hiatus, as of June 2016. Currently, no return date was thought of, but don’t fret, one day… ONE DAY, Tails for Hire will return… At this point the hiatus is more of a hibernation.

Months later, after I finally graduated high school, leaving behind the four years of emotional torture I had endured, I was ready to head to university! Or at least, I thought…

I won’t get too deep into the details of what happened there, but I will say this—everything that I struggled with in my early-to-mid adolescence came to haunt me in university as if I was cursed. No matter how hard I tried to suck it up, I didn’t make any real friends or meaningful relationships in university. When I noticed all the other students at the school, I felt generally inadequate—it reminded me of all things that others are better at and how I'm don't have anything to offer anyone. At the end of December 2018, some of you might recall me making a status update on DeviantArt of me contemplating suicide, and that if I don’t post anything the next year, I might have actually gone with it… Few of you showed your concern… But, while I did appreciate it, I felt that people will only care when it’s too late… I’m sorry if I scared or confused some of you. If I EVER feel suicidal again, I’ll see it that seek immediate help.

Short story—public Safety, many counsellors, my roommates, and one of the deans had come to me saying how worried they were about my well-being after hearing reports of me acting strange and making suicidal remarks. This also ties into the fact that the way I've been feeling has caused me to occasionally miss some of my classes, not be able to focus well, and worst of all... develop some suicidal thoughts... I even explicitly fantasized of jumping off a roof or a window to kill myself! I'm sorry if all this info came up out of nowhere. Eventually, the Dean highly recommended that I be put on medical leave until it is decided that I'm fit to come back to campus. I wasn't too fond of the idea given that I worked so hard in coming to this school and at least tough my way through the first semester. But apparently, it's for the best... When others ask why I would even think to kill myself, the only overarching reason I can give is "I'm worthless!" When people notice that I've been OK for few days or acting normal, it's just that I've been manic. When I look at others, I always think of the things I can't do! I'm an artist who can even get noticed, I'm a guy who has never had many friendships that lasted long, I'm a wimp who can't work up the courage to confront others, I'm a university student on medical leave! All of these things and then some are what trigger thoughts of how my life is a joke! But somehow, during those times when I contemplated suicide, I actually felt free! Almost giddy, and that I could finally kiss this worthless life good-bye!

At the moment, I’m going through professional help and trying to keep myself busy during my downtime. Part of me says there’s no hope me, but part me says one day, I’ll be back to my old, wholesomely manic self again. Step by step… it just might happen.

Lately, I’ve tried to get back into the passions I once enjoyed, get the ideas I’ve had out there as if someone would want to see them. But, I still struggle in finding the motivation thinking of the very disheartening outcomes—low viewership, negative or no feedback, or just not feeling happy with the finished product. I sometimes look at my art and wonder if I can do better or it's good enough. I'm turned between both sides on that case, mainly because I don't have anyone else to share with me their well-thought-out opinions, instead of one-word comments or notifications where someone simply favorites something. Mostly due to my depression, almost everything I do in life seems meaningless. Because that's how depression works! No matter how good I (supposedly) am, I don't remember the good things about myself, I just over exaggerate the terrible stuff about me and it becomes who I am in my mind. No matter what I do, I'm not good enough for myself... But no, my fear of death and it being a one-way ticket are what stop me... I try to figure out what I have to live for and what ideas I have to share. It's really hard, given how I compare myself to others and how much success they've achieved besides me, and the negative thoughts are what cloud my mind no matter how hard I try to clear them. Then there's the days where I feel unimportant or under appreciated, as if I make no difference by staying alive. Some days I feel like I'm on top of the world and that noone can stop me, and other and most days I feel nothing but pain. During those good days, I find myself surrounded by people who seem to care and be interested in me, but soon after the feeling wears off, and I just don't know why! In the time, I've written this, I've been feeling really low, as if noone would even care or bother to read this or be concerned with how I'm feeling. But as I finish and sign off... I kinda feel like a huge weight was lifted off of me. It felt good for me to let it all out, even if it is just typing it out. (Sigh)... If you've made it this far in reading the journal, thank you for reading and hopefully understanding. Once again, I'm sorry if this seemed overly dramatic, self-indulgent or just really heavy. But like I said, this was for me to get some of that heavy weight off me. Throughout half of this year, everything that has happened was really just too much to explain, too much to handle, too traumatically stressing, and generally just heavy... which is why I needed time off... Again, thank you for reading...

[gatticus]

Becca & Gat: “stay out of my way”

THANku for these beautiful prompts ilu

Set during sr2, after the mission where u fight big boi Maero (he escapes) its also HELLA long lol sorry!!

Johnny barely had any time to move out of the way before Maero’s truck drove through the throng of saints gathered at the front of the building.

Without skipping a beat, his gun was already out–

“No!”

He barely caught the flash of blue sprinting past him. Her feet hit the ground with resonating slaps as the truck remained further and further out of reach, her hair flowing behind her like a rivulet.

“Boss!” He called, running after her. She had always been fast, but there was no way she was going to catch up to a truck, even as the bullets snapped out of her gun in rapid succession.. “He’s gone. Leave it.”

She ignored him, firing the round of her gun as the truck rounded a corner, and out of sight.

“Becca,” He hissed quietly, wrenching her arm back to make her stop. “Quit it.”

When she spun to face him, he noticed two things. Her teeth were bared at him, as close to feral as he’d ever seen her get. The other, was that she was beaten to a pulp.

Her lip was still bleeding down her chin and into her teeth. She had a gash above her eye, her eye itself entirely bloodshot. The rest of her body was covered in gashes, bruises and an assortment of cuts, including a worrying spot of blood spreading over her stomach.

As the adrenaline faded out of her limbs, her body sagged against a nearby wall. Her legs shook as they held her upright, her teeth gritted in pain.

“Stay outta my way.” She snapped.

“How bad are we talking?” He was over to her in a second, the arm he slipped around her waist being the only thing keeping her off the ground.

“I had him!” She replied, a fist going into the wall in frustration. “I fucking had him!”

“Becca,” He snapped, not only annoyed at her attitude, but at her being hurt in the first place. “Hey, fuck him, he’ll get what’s comin’ to him. How bad are we talking?”

She held his eye for a moment–face full of anger, waiting for him to challenge her. When he didn’t, the anger faded somewhat. “I’ll live.”

“Hospital?”

She shook her head silently as he led her back to the car. It probably would have been better if he carried her over, but he knew if he did that in front of the crew she would probably chastise him.

He should have been there with her, he thought bitterly as he helped her into the passenger seat. Been by her side like he always was, but she had splintered off from the group halfway through the assault.

And look where it had left her.

The quiet swell of anger in his chest refused to fade as he started the car, and the annoying need to let that out rose in his mouth before he could bite his tongue.

“The fuck did you go on your own anway?” He snapped, pulling the car into a sharp right. “It’s you and me, we don’t take off gung-fucking-ho on our own. Maero, Matt and Donnie? I should’ve been there.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment. She chewed on her nail, eyes staring ahead. “I don’t need you to protect me everytime.”

“Fuck that, we protect each other.” He snapped, yanking the wheel a little too hard. “It’s what we do.”

“I didn’t need it!” Her voice was shrill as he pulled another sharp right, her body pressed against the car door.

“Alright, alright,” A dismissive hand cut through the tension. He wasn’t in the mood to argue. “Shit–don’t deafen me.”

“I’m not Eesh.”

Just the mention of her name got his blood running to ice. He wanted his memories of her to be the stupid dates and shopping trips, lazy days and anniversaries. Instead, all he had was a shrill scream and smeared blood.

Part of him understood why she brought Aisha up. Part of him understood why he was more protective of her now. Part of him got it.

The other part was angry that she had the audacity to throw her name around at all. His voice was low when he spoke through gritted teeth;

“You really wanna bring this shit up now?” It was quiet, not an accusation, or a yell. But maybe that was worse. “‘Cause we can play fuckin’ ball if you want.”

She opened her mouth momentarily, before it snapped shut again. “No…I…” She looked tired, tired and worn out. “Sorry Johnny, it’s just…I didn’t mean to–”

That was all he needed to hear. “Don’t sweat it. Hell of a day.”

-

By the time he pulled up to her apartment she had lost all the adrenaline she had. Her body sagged against his as he helped her up the stairs, clinging onto him for dear life.

Maybe they would talk about what happened in the car when they were drunk like they always did. Or maybe it would go unsaid. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to the conversation.

The door clicked open as he helped her hobble over to the couch, her voice coming out in a litany of hissed curses. She knew what happened next. They both did.

“Sit up,” Johnny glanced down at her, slumped on the couch. “Or slump up, whatever, just try and keep conscious.”

She mumbled a reply, her head pressed back against the back of the couch. She stared at the ceiling as he searched for her first aid kit, fingers closing around the bag as she cursed again.

He wondered what he should tackle first, since she was a walking wound.

“A’ight, you know the drill. Probably gonna hurt.” He dipped cotton in some antiseptic, focusing his attention on the gash above her eye for the time being.

It wasn’t deep, looked like it had been done by a small blade rather than anything serious. He dabbed at it anyway, noting her tuck her lip in between her teeth. The gauze he applied was shoddy, but it would do.

“He have a knife?” He questioned. He tilted her chin upwards, his hand cupping her jaw as he cleaned the rest of her face.

“No, it was a—uh…I can’t really describe it. It was kinda like a scalpel.” She frowned, avoiding eye contact with him as he tilted her head. “I can’t remember. I stuck it in his chest though.”

“Guys on the ground said you fell from the roof.” Johnny tilted her head forwards him so that she couldn’t avoid looking at him. “That true?”

The intensity in her eyes should have made him look away.

He didn’t.

“Yeah.” She told him, no glib comments, no remarks.

He didn’t reply to that. Didn’t know how to. Didn’t know how she was still breathing.

“Take your shirt off.”

Becca usually would have made a comment. A joke, something flirtatious. He would have responded, probably would have made her blush too.

She said nothing as she pulled the tank top off her head. Her torso was covered in mottled bruises and marks that would become scars. His attention was automatically taken to the blood on her side.

“Jesus.” It left him before he could stop it.

“Pretty bad, huh?”

He glanced up to her. “You’re fucking lucky.”

“I am?”

The blood on her side wasn’t from a wound. He wasn’t even sure it was hers. There was a lot of it though, which meant Maero might have been in a worse state than she was.

“That blood,” He gestured to her hip. “Ain’t yours.”

“It isn’t?” She almost sounded shocked.

Johnny wiped her hip down, watching as she stretched back to let him do it. Her arm shook with the effort of keeping herself up right, her lip bitten into her mouth as she kept eye contact with him.

She looked good like that, looking down at him as he worked. Only when she smiled did he realise he was staring.

He cleared his throat. “…You beat him up bad?”

“I wanted to kill him. I wanted…” She looked away. “I wanted to rip his heart out of his chest and make him swallow my boot as I rammed it down his throat.”

Those words would have made him falter five years ago. Now, they almost fit the person she had become since she woke up from the coma.

“I was so desperate to kill him, I would’ve done anything to see that fucker suffer, even if it meant…” She trailed off, watching his brows furrow. “…I just wanted his blood on my hands.”

“Even if it meant ‘what’?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“No, it really fuckin’ does.” He pulled away from her hip, eyes narrowed. “Even if it meant ‘what’?”

“Leave it.” She hissed at him.

“You said to me when Eesh died that I was bein’ too reckless. Throwin’ myself into fights I wasn’t gonna win. Said that you couldn’t do this shit without me. That you wouldn’t want to.”

She cocked her head to the side, wondering what his point was.

“Does it ever click in your fuckin’ head that I might wanna say the same thing? Seriously? You can’t fuckin’ see that?”

She stared at him, uncertain of how to reply. Her lips moved as if she wanted to speak, saying silent words, but she only replied with her head thudding back against the sofa cushions.

“He killed Carlos.” She apparently told the ceiling. “And you’re telling me I’m being too reckless?”

“Yeah, ‘cause he wouldn’t want you to die for him, thats fuckin’ why.”

She shoved him away from her hip, a meager one. He wondered if she even tried. “Fuck you.”

“Maybe later.”

She laughed.

That was all he needed.

[moodring89]

Wedding Crasher Ch.01

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader Genre: Romance / Smut Rated: M / NC17 Tags: Wedding!AU, Badboy!AU, Violence, Debauchery (more tags to be added)   Summary: It was always a little bit tragic for Hoseok whenever he got caught, which wasn’t often. He had enough experience with crashing weddings to be considered a veteran. One easy lie after another, from the church to the reception hall. *Note: This is a completed work now! Chapters: 01, 02, 03, 04 Read it here on ao3.

  A/N: We're gonna start off easy. This chapter is short and doesn't mention the reader. It's a rather... Sope-like chapter, but I wanted Hoseok's introduction to standalone.

'They say all good boys go to heaven, but bad boys bring heaven to you.’  

Hoseok had the girl pinned beneath his weight, rocking into her with strong rolls of his hips. Every touch seemed to burn, despite the alcohol muddling his senses. He brought her knees to her shoulders, driving into her deeper, harder. It was a task, given the many layers of white silk and knitted fabric riddled with an ungodly amount of rhinestones between them. It felt so good, getting exactly what he wanted, precisely how he wanted it. Even through the haze, Hoseok knew that it was wrong, but after an entire night of seamlessly lying, he felt that he was entitled to this “Your dress is gonna get all ruined. I bet you don’t even care, huh, baby? You just wanna be stuffed full like a fucking slut,” he laughed, all sharp, white teeth. The sheer material of her gown threatened to rip apart in his grip, as he used it as leverage to pull her down onto his cock. He leaned his head back with a deep groan, selfishly chasing after his high. He had to give himself credit for pulling out just as he came – thick ropes of his cum spilling over his knuckles, as he milked himself onto the soft silks. She looked positively debauched, the pungent smell of sweat and sex still thick and heady in the air. Hoseok felt utterly sated and pleased with himself, even while the door to the room was being thrown open. He hadn’t felt any alarm, already knowing who would be there, and what their reaction would be. He casually wiped himself clean with more of her gown, before he stood up. The yelling started immediately and it did not disappoint. No, the groom’s choice of words was rather colorful. The confrontation went exactly how Hoseok imagined it would, minus the audience of half the wedding party. It was always a little bit tragic for Hoseok whenever he got caught, which wasn’t often. He had enough experience with crashing weddings to be considered a veteran. It was terrifying how he’d managed to blend right in, pretending to be family. It was one easy lie after another, from the church to the reception hall. He and the groom had personally bonded over shots. Mostly all of Hoseok’s jokes seemed to land during his toast. He’d even slow danced with the flower girl, twice.     “Come on,” Hoseok said leeringly, tapping a finger to his cheek where he wanted to feel the pain. Fuck – he wanted to give it almost as much as he wished to have it all for himself. He hadn’t bothered with tucking himself back into his briefs, as he teetered towards the groom. “Give me your best…”     A fist charged at him, before he could finish the rest of his sentence, and then it all went black. When Hoseok regained consciousness, he found that he’d been moved outside to the curb where the reception was being held. Someone was even kind enough to help him back into his pants – Uncle Kim most likely. Sweet man. He fished into his pocket for his phone, scrolling through his contact list of blurred names. He pressed the button to call, not entirely sure who would be the one answering. He grew impatient, spitting the metallic taste of blood out of his mouth, and hissed at the pain he felt radiating throughout his entire stupid face. Hoseok couldn’t remember the conversation, whether it was successful or not. He got his answer a little over an hour later when a car pulled up in front of him. Two hands were fisted in the lapels of his jacket of his suit, hauling him to his feet. He was considerably taller than this person, he knew it the moment he caught himself against the exterior of the car, caging the person against it firmly. “Jiminie, you smell so nice,” Hoseok hummed, known for being overly affectionate while intoxicated. He wrapped his arms around the other’s slender waist, bringing them closer. “You’ve come to rescue me from the ground. My hero…” “You’re the absolute worst, I swear to fucking god,” came the low, raspy response. It didn’t sound like Jimin, but Hoseok wasn’t focused enough to pursue it. Dumped into the backseat, the redhead kicked off his shoes, and attempted a serious conversation about coconut scented fog machines. After a long while of what felt like too much silence for an extremely talkative Hoseok, the car had come to a complete halt. It was so busy and loud outside that Hoseok thought he was at a goddamn restaurant. He threw his hand out, expectantly, “I’ll have a bag of ice, ajumoni.” Yoongi was about to murder the actual sun. Say goodbye to daylight. “You aren’t getting shit. You hear me, Seok? You’re a fucking pain in my ass.” A hardwood floor was a rather uncomfortable place for Hoseok to be sleeping on, shifting awake whenever he moved so much as a muscle. Yoongi’s expression remained a perfect mask of calm, deciding not to waste his irritation on someone who was unconscious. It was five past three when they’d arrived back to his apartment. He was hardly able get Hoseok up the stairs. It was bad really this time, as Yoongi spent a good portion of his evening wiping the blood from Hoseok’s sliced lip, and checking for possible fractures. He’d stripped the younger from his button up, using peroxide to remove the stains along the collar. It wasn’t his job to support Hoseok’s shitty rituals and he’d stated this fact on more than one occasion. A pained moan escaped the back of Hoseok’s throat, as he turned his head from one side of the pillow to the other. Then he stilled with panic, before rolling over into an army crawl, and headed towards Yoongi’s bathroom. The blonde followed after him with a roll of his eyes, unable to suppress just how fucking irritated he felt. Yoongi dragged his slippered feet across the hardwood, “Here we go. My favorite part.” “Oh, what the fucking fuckle…everything is spinning,” Hoseok murmured senselessly, just as he’d hoisted himself up over the toilet, and emptied the contents of his stomach – including the water Yoongi had provided just twenty minutes ago with three painkillers. Hoseok slumped down, burying his fingers into the porcelain surface, eyes falling closed under another heavy wave of sleep. It was one in the afternoon when Hoseok stirred again, the familiar smell of soybean jjiggae filling up his lungs, and dropping to the pit of his stomach. He sat up slowly, recognizing the surroundings as Yoongi’s bedroom, and not Jimin’s. He chose the wrong friend and now he was in deep shit. He held a hand up to his head, applying as much force as he felt in that moment, fighting pain with more pain, because logic. Dragging himself from under five layers of Yoongi’s comforters was like crawling out of catacombs. He went inside the bathroom and turned the sink faucet on, letting the cool water run through his fingers, before splashing his tired face with it. The mirror was waiting for him, always ready to destroy him the second he dared to take a look. A burst of laughter filled the room at a single glance into his reflection. He leaned in closer to inspect the swell of his lip, running the tip of his tongue along the cut, and was somewhat satisfied with the pain he felt, “Well, aren’t you a pretty one?”     There was bruising beneath both his eyes, probably as a result of that right hook he’d caught directly in the nose. Another laugh, except this time it was decidedly sadder. He rinsed his mouth out and steeled himself to face the perpetually grumpy hyung out in the kitchen. Yoongi wasn’t the most lenient when it’d come to his habits. It had taken Hoseok a long while to convince himself that it was only because the elder cared – he cared a little too fucking much. “It smells heavenly,” Hoseok said in a way of greeting, pressing a hand against his stomach. Yoongi had his back faced towards him, a dark blue apron tied into a loose knot around his hips. He teased shamelessly, despite the mood, “You’re an absolute vision, cooking just for me, hyung.” Yoongi looked over his shoulder, meeting Hoseok’s eyes for a long moment, long enough to express how void of emotion and dead he felt towards him. “Sit down.” Sure, Hoseok could still do that much. He pulled out a chair and tucked himself away into the wall that the table was pressed up against. All the while, he followed Yoongi’s movements, wincing when a deliberate slam of cabinets and drawers contributed to the throbbing pain in his skull. Yoongi practically tossed the silverware into the soup bowls for good measure, bitterly amused at the younger’s obvious discomfort.   “You look like shit,” Yoongi muttered, sliding the jjiggae to Hoseok. He sat across from him, getting himself good and ready to be thoroughly pissed off. “I’d like to start off with the fact that I wasn’t surprised to receive a call from you during my most favorite time of night, you dick – to find you in an inebriated state that is most often referred to as ‘Hoseok’s usual’ amongst our closest friends. What did surprise me, however, was your broken mug.” “It’s not broken,” Hoseok said, grinning at the blonde, before he sank his spoon into the stew, and took a generously large bite. A bite he’d probably regret soon enough.   It took everything in Yoongi to swallow down his anger. “Tell me what happened.” Hoseok was somewhat disappointed with the question. “I was caught.” The blonde rolled his eyes, “Yes. That much is obvious. How did you get caught?” Hoseok shrugged, “The groom walked in.” “On…?” Hoseok paused, because the conclusion was an obvious one, “On me fucking his wife. What else would it have been? I actually stood up, dick out and everything, and presented my face to him. I let him beat the shit out of me.” Yoongi reiterated very slowly, “You let him?” “I deserved it,” Hoseok snapped, growing annoyed with the confrontation. Any one of his friends would have volunteered to hand out that ass-whooping personally, so if anything, this should be a time of celebration for Yoongi. “Although, I’ve never been lucky enough to fuck the bride before, so, worth it?” “Stop crashing,” Yoongi said, shoving his bowl away untouched. He’d lost his goddamn appetite, which wasn’t an easy task to accomplish. “It’s getting old and I’m tired of you showing up drunk, burdening me with worry.” Yeah, right. “I’ll be needing my shirt back.” Yoongi leaned over the table, a hand reaching for the younger, “Hoseok.” “No – hyung, I’m not going to stop,” Hoseok said, giving a shake of his blood red hair, pinpointing Yoongi with one look. Sliding further away from the blonde, he continued, “You think because you wiped up my spittle and cleaned me a few times that I’m going to listen to you now?” Scoffing, he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, further harming it. “You even cooked me jjiggae in that cute little apron. I’m supposed to what? Pass up on the free pussy and fuck yours?” Yoongi’s voice was tight and raw with hurt, “Does it feel good trying to hurt me?” The muscle in Hoseok’s jaw ticked, gritting the lie out through his clenched teeth, “Yes.” Nodding short, Yoongi withdrew his hand and scooted himself out from the table, “Your shirt is in the dryer. You can get it yourself.” “Guess we’re done here,” Hoseok said into the empty room. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- TBC

[suho-mochi]

Resonant - Ch.1

Byun Baekhyun/Reader OC Genre: Fluff/Romance/More fluff Word count: 4,099

“Listen sunshine, I just think you should get back into something you enjoyed and gave you purpose!” Jongdae huffs, giving you an exasperated look as you focus on slurping the remains of your frappuccino through your twisty straw.

“You need to socialise more, get out and do stuff and not hole yourself up in your room,” Jongdae hisses, leaning in and snatching your empty cup from your hand and putting it on the tray sitting on the table between you.

“You think that getting back to kicking and grappling people is going to help me socialise?” You ask, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s better than nothing,” your friend replies, rolling his eyes. He gets up, taking his bag and nodding towards the exit of the coffee shop. You sigh and grab your own things, following him back into the library.

Quite frankly, staying up in your room is very comfortable. There’s things to watch, books to read, writing to be done. All sorts of perfectly acceptable activities. Just because you’re currently in a little slump doesn’t mean you’ll be there forever and not being around people is not always a bad thing.

However, you know that Jongdae is still just looking out for you and you would be lying if you said that the thought of going back to training didn’t excite you even a little bit. In fact, you may have already looked up the university clubs and their joining requirements, but Jongdae doesn’t need to know that.

~~~

The first time you enter the class, you’re nervous. It’s been over two years since you’ve worn your dobok, but the uniform feels familiar. You fidget a bit with your water bottle before you find a comfortable place on the ground to sit and wait for the class to begin. Everyone seems friendly enough and, after a quick chat about what your level and goals are, the teacher is more than eager to help you get back into it.

However, you know trouble when you see it and this time you sense it as soon as it enters the dojang.

He’s wearing the same uniform as you and everyone else, but the difference is that instead of the green belt that’s tied around your waist, he has a black one. His dark hair is neat and soft looking, almost falling over his eyes and his shoulders look broad and sturdy even in the unflattering clothing.

Like being called to, his eyes immediately fall to you and he meets your curious look. You stiffen, his gaze is dark and piercing, as if he’s sizing you up.

You immediately look away from the newcomer and back to the teacher, who is moving to the front, signalling for everyone to get ready.

All students settle into position and you focus on the warm up, trying your best to keep up and not be in anyone’s way. You fall back into a familiar pattern, albeit slightly less enthusiastically as you start on the crunches. It’s been years since you had last pushed yourself like this and you can definitely feel it.

By the time you are starting to pair up with partners, you are already panting, completely forgotten about the mysterious black belt guy.

That is, until you find yourself face to face with him.

“Baekhyun is my assistant here, since you’re new, you’ll be with paired with him,” your teacher speaks, appearing on your side as you nod dumbly. “He’ll look after you.” Mr Han smiles at you fatherly and pats you on the back quickly, before he makes his rounds through the rest of the students, making sure everyone is in position.

You look at your partner and you notice him staring at you, looking you up and down slowly, scrutinizing.

You’re still panting slightly, a little embarrassed that so little could tire you out, but you clear your throat before speaking.

“Hi,” you greet, nodding towards him and giving him your name quickly.

He just nods back and grabs the kicking pads from the ground next to him as per the teacher’s instructions.

It feels a bit rude, but you give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he’s just shy.

You start with some crescent kicks while Baekhyun firmly holds the pads, giving you the counts in time with the teacher. His voice is low and soft, almost drowned in the loud sounds of skin hitting the leather pads across the room.

Even though your movements are slow and sometimes a bit sloppy, at the end of the round you’re happy and slightly exhilarated that you remember it all. The adrenaline coursing through your veins making you smile under your nose in content.

You take the pads from Baekhyun to hold for his round as you watch him get in position.

Maybe it’s showing on your face, but you’re a bit nervous holding kicking pads for a black belt, but you suck it up knowing that precisely because he is a black belt, it’s safest to be partnered with him.

“I’ll go easy on you, don’t worry.” His low voice startles you, making your eyes snap up to his.

Your blood is already beginning to boil from his tone, but then he smirks. It’s patronising as hell, but also a little bit hot, making you livid.

You officially hate this guy.

~~~~

“And then he smirked at me, Jongdae, can you believe what kind of an ass he is?!” You huff, angrily stomping the table with your coffee cup. “I hate him so much.”

Jongdae is sitting across you, eyebrows raised as he sips from his iced coffee. You stare at him, waiting for some sort of response.

He finally sets his drink on the table between you and leans in slightly, playing with the straw as he looks at you.

“When are you going back?”

“Tonight.”

“Uh-un,” he replies, taking a sip from his coffee again,

“What? What does that mean?” You ask, nudging his hand repeatedly.

“All I’m getting from this is that there’s a hot guy that managed to immediately get under your skin and you’re into it.” Jongdae replies, a shit eating grin spreading on his face.

“He’s not hot!” You hiss loudly, before taking a big gulp of your coffee, scalding your tongue and throat in the process.

Jongdae raises his eyebrows at you in a very questioning manner and you sigh, rolling your eyes.

“Fine, maybe he is a little bit.” You concede. “But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s an ass. And I’m so not into it.”

“Maybe,” Jongdae replies, still looking completely unconvinced. “Let me know how it goes today, just try not to punch him in the face, it’d be waste.”

You grunt at your friend’s teasing, throwing the paper from your straw at him and hitting him in the forehead.

He clicks his tongue at you, before he starts whining in exasperation from your antics.

~~~

Trying not to punch Baekhyun in the face proves to be a little hard when you find yourself faced with him again.

Even though it was just a warm up, the teacher already pushed you a little bit harder today and you’re panting a bit. Meanwhile, Baekhyun looks as lax as ever, despite the fact that he clearly did a lot more physical than you.

You are dying to give him a good whack to the pretty face.

Because his face is pretty, in fact, paired with the dark semi-hidden eyes under his black locks, it’s almost distractingly so. Today his hair is parted a little and despite the evenness of his breath, there’s a little bit of perspiration gathered on his forehead, making his bangs slightly damp.

You purse your lips and tighten your hold on the kicking pads in your hands.

After a few rounds, you’re starting to get tired, but you keep pushing through. You think you’re doing well until, during one of your spin kicks, you lose your footing, slip backwards and end up painfully dropping on your back with a groan, knocking the air out of your lungs.

Mr Han’s voice booms through the surrounding noise, asking if you’re okay, and you weakly give him a thumbs up as you try to shake off the stars from your vision.

“Take a break,” you hear a quiet voice.

Baekhyun sits on the ground next to you, placing your water between you. You move to sit up and even though you’re sure you can manage on your own, Baekhyun grabs your arm and pulls you up slowly.

“Don’t rush yet,” he says, letting go gently and handing you the water bottle. “We can continue in a moment.”

You nod wordlessly, slightly taken aback.

~~~

“So, now the problem is that he was nice?” Jongdae asks, confusion lacing his voice.

“Yes!” You hiss. “He can’t just do that to people out of the blue, it’s unfair.”

You’re finally at the front of the queue and you order your drinks. This time you go for a hot chocolate, because you really need something sweet to help with your mood and Jongdae decides to copy you, but with extra whip cream on top. When you move to the counter to wait for your treats he finally speaks again, continuing where you had left off.

“Can you even hear yourself?” He huffs, “The hot guy was nice to you and you’re making a fuss over it!”

“First of all, stop calling him ‘the hot guy’ and second - he’s just so frustrating, it’s not my fault!”

Jongdae gives you the biggest eye roll as his name is called out for your drinks.

“You’re unbelievable,” he mumbles.

“I heard that,” you say, grabbing your drink from his hand.

“You were meant to,” he snaps back, before he wraps his free arm around your shoulders shaking you lightly and making you laugh.

~~~

“Your form is good, but your core is weak.”

“I know, I’ve not trained in years.”

“When you move, you’re unstable, you need to exercise.”

“I’m already doing that.”

“Stretch more too, you’re too stiff.” “I know, Baekhyun, we’re doing that right now.” You finally snap and hiss at him, the pain in your legs making you crankier than usual.

You see the corners of his lips curl slightly and it reignites the momentarily dampered frustration with the man.

You’re currently sitting on the ground, legs spread widely in front of him, his heels on your ankles as he holds your hands pulling your torso towards him. The heels of his feet are pushing your legs back further and further and you’re reminded of the pains of one the daily struggles of every person in the class.

Stretches.

Baekhyun doesn’t go easy on you and you vow to return the favour when you swap, but you find out, to your utmost aggravation, that Baekhyun can easily do the splits and roll around whilst keeping form and you are forced to sit there, just watching him do that. You know that it makes sense for someone of his level to be that flexible, but a tiny part of you was hoping that maybe he wasn’t that good at everything.

“He’s good isn’t he,” Mr Han says, approaching the two of you. “One of my best.” He says proudly, squatting to pat Baekhyun on the back.

Baekhyun smiles at the man brightly, the type of smile that you’re witnessing for the first time. It’s so different from what you’ve seen so far that you have to remind yourself to close your mouth and stop staring.

The teacher turns to you again, waiting for a response of some sort.

You cough awkwardly, bringing your bottle of water down from your lips, where it was hovering.

“Yeah,” you reply awkwardly. “Yeah, he’s really good.”

“I might have to take him away from you soon though,” the teacher says seriously. “There’s a competition coming up and we need to practice harder.”

A small confusion of feelings swirls inside of you.

You feel Baekhyun’s attention move back to you, his eyes burning holes in you.

You nod jerkily, distracting yourself with another sip from your water.

~~~

“Oh so your partnership with the hot guy might be coming to an end?” Jongdae asks.

You nod, nibbling on your cookie slowly.

“Who’s the hot guy you’re talking about?” Minseok asks, sliding into the booth in the seat next to you.

Before you can say anything, Jongdae has already spilled the beans.

“Byun Baekhyun,” he replies, pushing a fresh cup of coffee towards Minseok.

“Oh? Hapkido star Byun Baekhyun?” Minseok asks, making a little comical ‘o’ with his mouth.

The fact that Minseok knows who he is raises questions in your head, but there are more pressing ones to ask first.

“How did you even find out his full name?” You nudge Jongdae with your foot.

“It’s not that hard to look up the university’s sports team members you know?” He says, snorting. “It’s all online, all I had to do was look up the hapkido team.”

“You stalked him?!” You groan.

“Stalk is a strong word, sunshine, I merely investigated a little bit.” Jongdae shrugs. “He is hot, by the way, stop being in denial.”

“And how do you know him?” You ask, nudging Minseok and interrupting his attempt to take a piece of your cookie.

“He comes to some football practices when he’s bored,” he replies, before chomping on a piece of your snack that you hand him. “He’s pretty good actually.”

Of course he is.

~~~

“I see you’re taking my advice about exercise.”

“I was already doing this before your helpful advice, thank you.”

“I haven’t seen you on this path before.”

“I was going to try and change my route, but maybe I should stick to the old one,” you say, skidding to an unexpected halt, making Baekhyun run past you. He stops a few metres ahead of you and walks back as you lean on the handrail lining the path.

You were doing your usual run when the nice weather prompted you to try the pathway by the river. You were feeling the excitement of finding a new route for your morning run when an unexpected guest caught up to you - Byun Baekhyun in the flesh.

You stretch your calves slowly and carefully, doing your best to ignore Baekhyun doing the same right next to you.

“Are you going to sign up for the competition?” He asks, breaking the silence.

“I didn’t even know that I can do that,” you mumble.

“Of course you can,” Baekhyun hums.

“I’m not good enough,” you respond quietly.

“Yes, you are.”

The response surprises you and you turn to the side to look at him.

You half expected Baekhyun to have another one of those infuriating smirks on his face, but instead he looks solemn and serious, almost determined.

His hair is plastered to his face, making it hard to fight the urge to reach and brush it away from his forehead. He is wearing a black sleeveless shirt that is sticking to his sweaty chest, making the curves of his muscles a lot more visible than what you’re used to seeing in the baggy dobok during practice. He’s wearing leggings under his shorts and that’s when you realise that you’re wearing almost fully matching outfits, the main difference being the grey windbreaker you’re wearing.

You bite your lip, thinking over his words.

“When is it?”

“In 6 weeks.”

“That’s too soon, I’m not in shape at all.” You admit, looking down and kicking the ground with the tips of your toes.

Baekhyun flicks your forehead gently, the unexpected action startling you and making you look up at him. He’s smiling, a playful sort of smile.

He starts slowly walking backwards as he speaks.

“Then I suggest, we keep the breaks short, sweetheart.” He lets out a low chuckle as he starts running backwards, beckoning you with his hand.

You snort at him, but follow his lead.

~~~

“Should I try?” You ask nobody in specific as you focus on peeling off the label from your bottle of water.

“The competition? Or getting in his pants?” Minseok asks, as he flips the food on the grill in the middle of the table.

“The competition, you ass, I never even mentioned his pants.” You groan, throwing the crumpled label at him.

“Yeah, I think you should.” He responds, laughing heartily at your outburst. “Focusing on a goal outside of your studies is healthy for you.”

“I’ve been telling her that for months!” Jongdae grumbles from the side as he pours drinks for everyone. “Wouldn’t listen to me, but now that the hot guy is suggesting it she’s all in.”

“I told you to stop calling him that!” You grunt, despite knowing that it’s useless. In Jongdae’s internal dictionary, Byun Baekhyun is forever going to be the ‘hot guy’.

“Whatever,” he replies. He pushes the short glasses of alcohol towards you and Minseok and you take yours grumpily.

You all down the drinks quickly, before eagerly moving on to the food.

The night is fun, but thoughts of the competition and the lopsided smile of Byun Baekhyun do not leave the back of your mind.

On your way back home, you walk by the building where the dojang is and you notice the lights are on, light coming through the large double windows.

You check the time and notice it’s a little past 10:30pm, too late for any regular practice to still be on. This peaks your curiosity and you shuffle towards the windows.

Your mouth opens in slight surprise when you see that there’s only one person in the whole hall. The sequence of precise punches and kicks they’re performing leaving you in awe.

Baekhyun is completely on his own, if you don’t count the punching bag, as he hits blow after blow. Unlike most times you see him practicing, he’s wearing just a white t-shirt and black sports shorts, his bare feet skidding across the floor so quickly that he looks like he’s barely touching it.

For a moment you forget everything and you just watch the fluid movements and their strength.

Baekhyun seems completely immersed in his routine, or so you think, until he stops suddenly and his head snaps to the side, his eyes immediately finding you, despite the darkness around, surprising you.

You have no time to run or hide so instead you give him an awkward wave.

It might be your imagination, but you think you see a small smile tug at his lips as he picks up a towel from the ground and makes his way to the window where you are. He opens it quickly and suddenly he’s very close and very much in your face.

“I wasn’t expecting an audience tonight,” he says, wiping the sweat off his forehead and neck as he rests his elbows on the windowsill.

“I wasn’t planning on being one either,” you reply, your fingers fidgeting with the handle of your bag.

Baekhyun is looking at you intently, his dark eyes roaming your features as yours do the same with his. His hair is pushed to the side messily, sweaty locks sticking upright, his shirt is covered in sweat patches and usually you’d be at least a little grossed out, but not tonight. Instead you feel like getting even closer.

Baekhyun cocks his head to the side, one corner of his lips tugging upwards. His gaze is unwavering and you’re starting to feel quite small under it, but then a strong gust of wind blows, startling you and ruffling you completely as you scrunch your face in annoyance.

Baekhyun lets out an unfamiliar low chuckle that makes your chest squeeze ticklishly.

“Why are you out here so late?” He asks softly, as you suddenly feel the tips of his fingers sliding along the side of your face, pushing back your messed up hair.

You open your eyes to once again be locked in a staring contest with the man in front of you.

“I was out with friends,” you reply, voice quiet, as you stand mesmerised by his eyes that are refusing to leave yours, except for the fleeting glances over your face.

Baekhyun nods, his fingers still hovering over your cheek.

“I’ll walk you back, wait for me?”

“Yeah,” you murmur.

Baekhyun’s fingers slide across your cheek gently as he leans back, quickly closing the window as you watch him walk to his things and pack up.

The moment the window has clicked shut you realise that your heart is hammering against your chest and you have to take a deep breath to try and calm yourself down. You lean your back against the wall and stare at the sky as you wait for Baekhyun to reappear. The light from the windows goes out and a moment later the door next to you opens up as Baekhyun emerges.

He is wearing a big grey hoodie, hood up and covering most of his hair, and matching sweatpants. He hikes up his gym bag on his shoulder as he locks the door.

“Did the teacher give you keys?” You ask curiously.

“Yeah,” he replies, turning to you. His hair is ruffled back in place to cover up his forehead, falling over his eyes a little. “Just for the times when I want to do extra training and he’s not around.”

“You must really be his favourite,” you chuckle as you start walking together.

Baekhyun grunts, scrunching his face a little and nudging your temple with his fingers gently. You laugh lightly at that.

“Which building do you live in?” You ask, glancing at your companion.

Baekhyun has his hands in his pockets, head down as he walks.

“Next to the Engineering Centre.”

You stop so abruptly that Baekhyun is already a step ahead of you before he realises and turns back to face you.

“What?” he asks, head cocking to the side in clear confusion.

“That’s in the opposite direction,” you say, eyebrows furrowing.

“So?” He prompts.

“You don’t have to walk me back, you’ve just worked out, you must be exhausted.” You shake your head, frustrated that you didn’t ask him before you agreed to this. “I’ll be fine, it’s not even that late.”

“You’re seriously worried about that?” He laughs lowly as you nod vigorously, his eyes crinkling cutely. He takes a step towards you and you feel your heart rate pick up again. You’re suddenly very aware that the size difference between the two of you is very much there and you have to look up to meet his eyes as he speaks, his voice barely audible. “The thing is, I want to walk you back safely. Will you let me?”

~~~

“Did you sleep with him?” Minseok asks first thing as he takes the seat in front of you.

You snap your head up at him and you feel Jongdae do the same on your side.

“What? You slept with him already?” He hisses from your side, nudging you in the ribs with his pencil and making you squeak. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

One of the library assistants pokes his head from behind the nearest bookshelf and shushes you angrily, making all three of you bow your heads apologetically.

As soon as he disappears back behind the books you lean in, speaking to your two very annoying friends.

“I’ve not slept with anyone, what are you talking about?!”

Jongdae narrows his eyes at you before they snap to Minseok.

“Explain,” he orders.

“Junmyeon just asked me if you’re dating Baekhyun, because he saw you two in front of your building last night.” He rambles, nodding towards you.

“Junmyeon’s a gossip,” you hiss. “And just from that you just assumed I slept with him?” You ask, groaning quietly.

“Why else would you bring him all the way to where you live?” Minseok asks, his voice threatening to break the acceptable volume of the floor you’re on.

“That’s a good question,” Jongdae joins the attack. “Spill.”

“He was just being polite and walked me home after we bumped into each other, now shut up, both of you or we’ll get kicked out.”

Just as you say that, you see the assistant from earlier making a show of walking really close by your table, glaring dangerously.

Jongdae looks like he’s about to say something, but you make a zip motion over your mouth with your fingers and he purses his lips and mouths ‘later’ to you as you roll your eyes at his attempted threat.

A/N: *throws confetti* Hapkido Baekhyun is here! I’m excited for this as I quite enjoyed writing it. It all started from me suddenly remembering he is actually a black belt martial artist and then I watched that Cool Kiz on the Block episode like 3 times and here we are. I had also kept that photo of him for a long time under my ficspiration list and I am always down to write black haired Baekhyun and the stars aligned for this basically.

NB! Unfortunately, I have never done hapkido so there might be some inaccuracies on how a usual class would go, but I have done taekwondo so I used that as reference (i.e. the partner stretches is something I have done and it is genuinely effin painful). I also read up a bit on hapkido (I really wanna do it now) so it should overall make sense I hope! 

Let me know what you think! -3- 

Next Chapter

Resonant Masterlist

Mochi Masterlist

[polyputthekettleon]

Month 1 on HRT Round Up Post

It's been one month since D started HRT! There have been some really cool things happening, along with the occasional big and little bumps (lots more on those in other posts). Based on what I've read, her body has responded VERY quickly in comparison to many other people's experiences. For what it's worth, she's in her mid-thirties and had a pre-HRT testosterone level of around 300, and has only been taking estradiol, not an anti-androgen. Additionally, in case it helps clarify things, she and I are polyamorous, I am very sexually and physically expressive with my partners and having a lot of sex and touch in my life is important to me, and I'm about a 2.5 on the Kinsey scale (I can feel sexual attraction to people across the gender spectrum, though I lean a bit more androphilic than gynephilic). Also, my emotional experience of this past month was incredibly heightened, thanks to my anxiety running out of control (so much so that I'm now taking pills for it, phew!), and the stuff that felt like HUUUGE problems for me may be far less of a huge deal for other people.

Month 1 On Estrogen

Week 1

The night she got her prescription was pure joy. The clinic she went to practices informed consent for hormone therapy, and in my partner's case that resulted in her only having to go to two appointments -- one initial consultation so her provider could order lab work to make sure she was healthy (she made sure to fast the morning prior to her appointment, so she could get her blood work done right away!), and then a few days later, an appointment to make a treatment plan and get her prescription. She declined an anti-androgen to start and made a plan with her provider for her to take 2mg of estradiol daily. We walked out of that appointment with her *bouncing* all the way to the car because she was so excited, picked her prescription from the pharmacy the moment it was available, and she took the pill while we were still in the drug store's parking lot. I have never seen her so happy and at peace than after she took that first pill. Seriously -- in the face of such beautiful, sublime JOY, any lingering anxiety I had been feeling over the changes that these pills might cause and what those changes could mean for my relationship with her dissolved faster than that blue tablet under her tongue (at least for the next few days). She was euphoric, and I rose right with her.

After 3-4 days, she would feel warm and tingly and extra cuddly starting about half an hour after she took her pill every morning, and her nipples were feeling more sensitive. She also described feeling like she had more emotional energy and generally just feeling very happy, and characterized it as her brain going "NOM NOM NOM NOM ESTROGEN," as it finally received the hormone that had been missing. It was so exciting and fulfilling for me to get to witness her joy, and we shared some *really* enjoyable touch and sex during this phase. In one I will say, in one encounter, she described her skin as feeling "on fire," and pretty much everywhere I touched or kissed made her gasp and moan. It did not suck, AT ALL. Something else that had started to shift prior to HRT became really significant and noticeable to me at this point (I'm including it because aspects of it may have been impacted by her hormones changing): she became less interested in penis-in-vagina penetrative sex (she uses different terms for her genitals, but I'm using penis here for clarity), and started preferring to orgasm under her own stimulation, or just skip the orgasm entirely (there were lots of "mini orgasms," though, and those were super fun). As someone who gains a lot of pleasure and satisfaction from being an active participant in my partners' orgasms, and who has felt a LOT of anxiety over how HRT was going to impact my sexual connection with my partner, this change was hard for me to sit with, and I struggled to feel sexually connected with her as this became more commonplace over the course of the week (pre-HRT and during this first week, we tended to have sex at least every other day, sometimes a couple of times a day). Additionally, in the back of my mind, I was worried about what things would look like if/when she lost her sex drive, whether it would come back, and how I would feel if penis-in-vagina sex entirely stopped being an option for her and me. It had always been something she and I enjoyed immensely with each other, and I felt SCARED that without that particular flavor of interaction, our connection would suffer. This was quite different from what I observed in her response to the possibility of no longer getting erections -- she stated that while she would prefer to still be able to become and stay erect, she was "along for the ride" wherever the hormones would take her.

Within 7 days, her energy really started to dip, and I noticed that she was no longer waking up with erections the way she had prior to taking HRT. She started splitting her pills in half so she got some estrogen in the morning and some in the middle of the day, which helped with her energy levels somewhat, but she still slumped HARD whenever the estradiol had been fully processed by her body, and she looked and acted absolutely exhausted and out of fuel at night.

Week 2

By 10 days, her sex drive was nil and her energy was super low between estradiol doses. This coincided (unsurprisingly) with her not experiencing any erections and also having zero desire to receive touch in a sexual context. The lack of energy and sexual desire also reduced her interest in giving touch, sexual or otherwise. This hit me hard: between her exhaustion and the inaccessibility of one of our favorite ways to connect, I was hurting and missing my person, a lot. I also really struggling to feel desired in my relationship with her, since she literally wasn't feeling desire, even when she very considerately provided occasional sexual stimulation to me (and expressed her enjoyment at seeing me enjoy that stimulation). It was very challenging for me to attempt to receive from a partner who didn't want anything given back when previously in our relationship sex had always been very much about an exchange of pleasure, and the experience brought up a lot of feelings of shame on my end. This week was HARD to get through, and I credit therapy, friends (including folks on here), and my very lovely other partners as the support that helped me get through without directing all my anxiety her way and/or remaining in a near-constant state of crying (though there was a fair amount of that, too). For her sex drive vanish so soon after starting hormones, and for it to feel so completely gone felt VERY disorienting to me, and it kicked off a fresh wave of fear and feeling like I was losing my partner*. I found out later that she was missing our sexual connection too, and honestly, it felt really, really good to hear that I wasn't alone in feeling frustrated about the absence of her sex drive - I wish I had asked her sooner and hadn't tried to bury my feelings. [* For the record, before someone goes off in the comments about it: I know that I have not lost the person who is my partner, and that she is living more as herself than ever before, and that this is a beautiful, happy thing that is happening in her life. I know, and I am ecstatic for her. HOWEVER, grieving the loss of the male persona I thought was my partner for two years is a feeling that I have been working with, and if there's anything that years of going to lots and lots and LOTS of therapy have taught me (heh, I must be in my 30s!), it's that it's important for me to feel and acknowledge ALL of my emotions without judging myself for having them or attempting to censor them, so that I can actually process stuff and not get stuck. Thanks for coming to my TED talk!]

Somewhere between the 2- and 3-week mark, she reached out to her doctor and asked if she could increase her estradiol dose because her energy was so incredibly low and was impacting her work and her ability to show up for her kids. The doctor agreed and increased her prescription to 4mg a day. She tried just taking two whole pills, one in the morning and one in the middle of the day, instead of continuing to split them, but she found that breaking the estradiol up into 4 doses of 1mg apiece and spreading her doses 3-4 hours apart helped her energy and mood feel the most stable (note: there are 1mg estradiol tablets out there, for those who don't want to mess with splitting their pills). The increase in estrogen did indeed improve her energy levels -- it also made her INCREDIBLY emotionally volatile for a few days after increasing her dose. She described the feeling as wanting to cry and kill everyone at the same time. It reminded me of the hormone drop I experienced in the days after I gave birth, and her other partner compared it to her own cis experience of PMS mood swings. Once my partner's body adjusted to the new level of estrogen, the random crying spells stopped, BUT she has expressed that it's now just generally easier for her to cry, and I've observed that she gets teary more often these days than before she started HRT. Another thing she noticed at this point is her muscle strength starting to lessen, which I understand felt bittersweet for her. Since deciding to start HRT, she's been working to reframe muscle loss as not being something that's going to keep her from doing the stuff that she enjoys (woodworking and blacksmithing, in her case), but instead being something that may ask her to learn a different approach to some of her work. That reframe has seemed to be empowering and reduced the feeling of HRT's effects meaning a choice between transitioning in the way that feels best to her and her being able to pursue her passions. One more thing: somewhere around this point, I noticed a shift in her body's smell. She started to smell sweeter on her skin. Just a subtle note, but definitely a change.

Week 3

Around the beginning of Week 3, her sex drive started to make an appearance again, along with occasional erections. She had been taking Cialis prior to starting HRT, but has since stopped, so it isn't clear how much of the change in the behavior of her erections is due to her antidepressant's side-effects no longer being countered by ED medication, and how much is due to lower testosterone levels. That said, her penis is now less likely to become fully erect, and her erections seem more easily impacted by her emotional state than before; if she's feeling really, really good they tend to happen, but a shift in mood can make her penis flaccid very quickly. Her feeling aroused also doesn't always equate to her getting or sustaining an erection anymore, which is more similar to my experience of how cis clitorises tend to behave. I felt a HUGE sense of relief when her sex drive returned, and my perception is that she was quite happy about it as well. That said, while she has a sex drive again, it's different than it was before - her libido seems to be lower (though of course, this could also be for non-hormonal reasons), and instead of having sex 3-6 times a week, we're having sex 1-2 times a week (if a two-week sample size is enough to judge by, and it might be higher if we saw each other every day, but alas, the perils of polyamory 🤷🏻). While she and I have continued to enjoy penetrative sex sometimes, that way of interacting is making up a smaller portion of our sex life than before. I'm enjoying, and she says she is also enjoying, me approaching her body more like how I approach sexual interactions with cis female partners --- lots more touch and kisses and nibbles all over her body, making sure to emphasize her breasts and nipples with both my hands and mouth, and lots of oral and manual stimulation on her entire pelvic/genital/upper thigh region, anywhere that seems to feel good. Her stomach and neck/back areas started to become more sensitive during this time as well. It's been really exciting to explore and find new spots to touch and play with on her body.

Also by Week 3, it became undeniable: her breasts started to grow!! Just teeny ones, but it became clear that there is more fat there than there was before, and they hang like breasts do when she lays on her side (in their gorgeous teeny tiny way). They also started hurting more; prior to this week her breast tissue been sensitive and a little sore, by this point they felt sore to brush up against or tap on them. Righty started out bigger than Lefty, but Lefty started to hurt too (and spoiler alert: by Week 4 Lefty showed more growth). I've been avoiding putting too much pressure on them, and I'm being extra careful when I handle her breasts and nipples. Another change: one day, I noticed that her skin on her back had become softer to the touch, as well, which was kind of the coolest, most magical thing for me. For whatever reason, I hadn't believed the thing about estrogen making skin softer, but sure as hell, there the proof was right under my fingertips, super soft skin. It was WILD. One more thing that happened this week: her ejaculate tasted sweet. Especially her pre-cum, which was sweet like sugar. Her cum was less tangy than usual, but not really to the point of the candy-sweet that I've heard some people talk about. Still a definite different flavor -- and when she came back into the bedroom after cleaning up post-sex, she said it smelled different as well.

Week 4

This past week (Week 4), she shared that me running my hand over the bottom of her ribs on her stomach was feeling particularly erotic to her, which is something that previously didn't do anything pleasurable for her, and that the physical sensations of touch in her genital area and when she orgasms have changed, becoming more spread out. Orgasms are definitely seeming to be rarer than they were pre-HRT, but she also seems to be feeling more readily sated with sensation without orgasm. I am also adjusting -- honestly, it's so nice to have ANY sex back in our relationship, I am just happy that it's happening when it happens!! She also noted that when she ejaculates, the little globules in her cum that she's used to seeing aren't there. Her breasts have also progressed all the way to SORE now, and she can fill out the cups of a AA bra she bought. I can feel the difference on her chest; there is a distinct dip between her breasts that used to be much smaller, and I love running my hands (LIGHTLY) all over her chest. Finally, at the very end of this week, I realized with absolute delight and surprise (as well as some passing disorientation weirdness, because her face looked different than the face I'm used to seeing) that I could actually see something different about her cheeks. They really are looking fuller and softer, just ever so slightly. And she says it seems like the circles under her eyes have lessened a bit. Maybe it's the increase in nutrient-rich food she eating and the improved sleep she's been getting -- or maybe it's the subcutaneous fat shifting around courtesy of estrogen. Or both! Either way, it felt really cool that when I saw a FaceApp feminized picture of her that she made way back at the beginning of her gender exploration journey last year, I had to do a double-take before I concluded it wasn't just her with a particular make-up look on or something. It's not so much that she looks exactly like that image (though they do have a lot in common); it's more that I see the HER in her face, instead of the HIM I used to see, and judging from HRT's effects so far, I am certain that more and more people will be able to see her too. And I am so very excited to be there for it.

[eternalstereksecretsanta]

Melt Together

@foolishsel | AO3 | Thank you for this prompt! This was a bit of a challenge for me, but I’m pretty happy with the way it turned out. I hope you like it!!! xo

NC-17 / NSFW

The heatwave has hit Beacon Hills like a sledgehammer.

Harsh, unforgiving sunlight beats down onto the yards and thoroughfares, warping the air into a shimmering mirage, melting the tarmac just enough so that it sticks to the soles of people’s shoes. The air feels thick and unyielding, an unexpected stew of humidity that turns the world into a pressure cooker.  

“This,” Stiles says, head-deep in Derek Hale’s freezer, “is hell.”

“Dramatic,” Derek mutters, only just audible from where he reclines on the couch, seemingly untroubled by the oppressive heat.

Stiles removes his head from the freezer for the prerequisite 0.8 seconds it takes to shoot Derek a truly filthy look. The werewolf is going through Stiles’ research with an almost zen-like expression of calm, ignoring the sweat that glistens on his brow. As Stiles watches, a single perfect bead of perspiration slips free of the graceful divot of Derek’s collarbone and slides, unencumbered, down the powerfully muscled plane of his bare chest.

Bastard, Stiles thinks despondently, and sticks his head back into the blissfully cool darkness of the freezer.

“Why doesn’t anyone have a goddamn air conditioner?” he moans. “I know we’re in northern California, but surely someone would have the presence of mind to have central air.”

“Not if you live in a town in the mountains, where it never gets hotter than 70 degrees. And anyway, you know you’re at least partially responsible for this.” Derek’s voice is muffled by the confines of the refrigeration unit, but the judgement there is hard to miss. Stiles glares at an economy-sized box of frozen waffles.

“That’s victim-blaming,” he grumbles. He can practically hear Derek rolling his eyes. “Not cool.”

“How did you manage to mortally offend a tempestarii during the two hours she happened to be passing through town, anyway?”

Stiles snorts derisively, but otherwise remains resolutely silent. There’s no use in denying it, not when Derek could hear him lying from three towns over, but he’ll be damned if he says anything more on the matter. Instead, he rests his overheated face on a bag of frozen peas, and wishes a pox upon all weather-witches.

“Hey.”

His voice is so close that Stiles startles, turning too fast and nearly braining himself on an ice cube tray. Derek steadies him with hand on his shoulder, unable to disguise his amusement even as he sighs long-sufferingly. The blessed chill of the freezer escapes into the kitchen, heat rushing to fill its place, and Stiles levels a glare at the werewolf’s stupid, handsome mug. He’s standing so close that Stiles can smell him, woodsy with a hint of perspiration. He blames the rabbiting of his heart on shock; it has nothing to do with Derek’s sudden proximity, or the way his reluctant smile softens the lines of his face.

“We need to get you a bell,” Stiles mutters, studiously avoiding Derek’s gaze. Derek raises a sardonic eyebrow, but refuses to be otherwise deterred.

“Tell me what happened,” he says, calm as still waters. He squeezes Stiles’ shoulder, and Stiles knows that he means for it to be reassuring, and that makes his own despairing longing that much worse. “If we know what she was thinking at the time, we can figure out what kind of spell she used, and it’ll be a lot easier to break.”

Stiles winces, folding his arms across his chest defensively.

“Can’t we just figure it out the old-fashioned way?” he protests, jerking his head to the pile of papers and arcane tomes that he’d dumped onto Derek’s coffee table. He’s being childish and he knows it, but he can’t shake the memory of the tempestarii’s sneer, the way the hunger in her eyes had turned to mocking rage.

“Of course, we can,” Derek says, shrugging. Then he reaches out and shuts the freezer door, eliminating the vestigial traces of cool air that had been soothing Stiles’ burning face. “But you can’t live in my fridge while we do it.”

“Cruel!”

“You don’t pay my power bill.”

Sullen silence reigns for the better part of a minute as Stiles glowers and Derek waits him out impassively, still standing distractingly close. It’s a losing battle, and Stiles knows it, but he’s been avoiding this conversation for so many years that the thought of having it all out in the open now makes him queasy. He grits his teeth and steps back until he can lean against the fridge, trying for casual and missing by several miles.

“She was an asshole,” he mutters, trying to focus on anything other than Derek’s questioning frown and his emphatically bare torso.

Derek is unmoved.

“And?”

Stiles makes the mistake of meeting that wonderful green gaze, and folds like a cheap suit.

“She approached me when I was out for a drink with some of my work friends,” he says, hoping to gloss over most of the details of the exchange.  “Probably thought it was safer to approach the pack human, I doubt she knew I was your emissary. She said some stuff, it rubbed me the wrong way, I…responded. Et voilà.”

He throws his hands out as if to encompass the town, the heatwave, his own shitty mood. Derek cocks his head to the side the way he always does when he picks at a puzzle, his eyes narrowing.

“Elaborate.” His tone brooks no argument, and Stiles slumps, resigning himself to his fate.

“I’d had a few drinks,” he admits, each word falling out of his mouth like a pulled tooth. “She had heard about the pack, about…about the alpha. About you.”

“Me?” Derek blinks, and Stiles takes a grim sliver of satisfaction at the bewildered expression on his face. “What about me?”

“She said it was a shame that you hadn’t taken a mate,” Stiles snarls, and just like that the anger from the previous night is back, flooding his senses and loosening his tongue. “She went on and on about how important it was to pass on the full-shifting gene, how she would gladly volunteer to keep the Hale legacy going. When I told her you weren’t interested in being treated like, like some stud animal, she said not to worry. She said you’d want to, and even if you didn’t, she could always make you.”

Fury pounds with the beating of his heart, and his magic responds in kind, a crackle of electricity in his veins. He flexes his hands, tasting ozone on his tongue, and starts to pace in an effort to expel some of the energy buzzing away in his chest. The smothering heat of the day bears down on him like the punishment he knows it to be, turning Derek’s kitchen into an oven. Such a temper, the tempestarii had hissed. You think he will love someone as hotheaded as you?

“She just stood there all smug, like I’d thank her for her time. As if I’d offer you up like some piece of meat.” The last word actually sparks as it falls from his lips, a pop of actinic static. “I mean, what kind of garbage is that?”

“Stiles.” Derek has managed to sneak up on him again, is much closer than anticipated. He catches Stiles’ wrist in his hand, stopping his pacing with a jolt. His face is the mask that Stiles hates, the one he’d worn all the time when they were younger. “Tempestarii are usually incredibly old, and old-fashioned. She probably thought it was a great honor.”

“Honor my ass,” Stiles spits. “It’s objectifying and manipulative, and you shouldn’t have to deal with someone treating you like that, not again. Nobody deserves that, especially not you.”

“What do I deserve?” Derek’s voice is low and soft, carefully blank.

“Better than that!” Stiles throws his free hand in the air, waving it around in wild punctuation. He’s too caught up in his anger to notice the way that Derek’s gaze has fallen to his mouth. “You deserve to be happy. If you ever want to be with someone again– and with your history, that’s a huge and understandable if– then it should be with someone you love. Someone who respects you, someone who–.”

Derek kisses him.

Derek kisses him

It isn’t at all what Stiles had been expecting, and so his mouth is half open, his rant cutting off on a yelp as he falls back against the kitchen counter. Derek barely misses a beat, just curls an arm around Stiles’ waist and tugs him forward, grounding him against his bare chest. The scruff of his beard tickles sensitive skin as he buries his face in Stiles’ neck.

“What?” Stiles squeaks, his voice cracking with shock. “I mean– what?”

“You said it yourself,” Derek murmurs, his lips ghosting over the thrum of Stiles’ pulse point, sending a shiver up his spine. “I deserve this.”

There’s a beat as the gears in Stiles’ head shift into maximum overdrive, scrambling to process Derek’s actions in the context of the last few minutes. When the penny finally drops, he blushes so hard he feels faint.

“Oh,” he says, his voice very small. “Uh. Are you sure?”

Derek raises his head again, finds Stiles’ eyes with his own. After a moment, he smiles, and it’s unlike anything Stiles has ever seen; delighted, carefree, wild. It lights up his face like a miniature supernova.

“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life,” he states.

“Oh, thank god,” Stiles mutters, and throws himself at him.

Derek kisses Stiles like it’s a luxury, like it’s the rarest thing on earth. He kisses like every second is worth savoring. Stiles shudders in his arms and presses impossibly closer, like he would take up residence in Derek’s body if he could. The heat is still unbearable, but he hardly notices it now, his hands tangled in the thick black wave of Derek’s hair. His breath catches as they rock into each other, the ever-present want that simmers below the surface when he’s in Derek’s presence now flaring to the foreground. His shirt gets tossed somewhere over Derek’s shoulders, his pants disappearing in a similar fashion. With an ease that has Stiles achingly aroused, Derek hoists him up, guiding Stiles’ long legs to wrap around his waist.

“Bed,” Derek growls, a bit of wolf in his voice. Stiles nods his rapid agreement and tries not to come in his briefs like a teenager.

The trek from the kitchen to the bedroom passes in a blur of searing kisses, the tortuous barely-there slide of Derek’s abs against Stiles’ cock nearly driving him to the breaking point. There’s a click and whir as they make their way into the room, and Stiles gasps when a breeze hits the sweat on his face.

“A fan?” he crows, delighted. The ceiling fan above the bed gains momentum as Derek lays him down carefully, and Stiles starfishes across the covers, luxuriating in the relief of the cooling draft. “You should have brought me up here ages ago.”

“I should have,” Derek agrees, eyeing his lean frame hungrily. Stiles flushes, and suddenly the fan isn’t nearly effective enough. “I wanted to.”

He settles above Stiles on the bed, caging him against the mattress, and it’s all Stiles can do to keep himself from rutting senselessly against the long line of Derek’s body. He lets his hands roam where they please, slips his tongue into Derek’s mouth. They lose time like that for a while, in the slow roll and press of each other’s bodies. Need coils hot and tight in Stiles’ belly, a live-wire that reacts to every touch, every soft exhalation of his name.

“Tell me what you want.” Derek’s voice is low and intent in his ear.

“You,” Stiles gasps, arching off the mattress as Derek licks a hot stripe across his nipple. “Just you.”

There’s a quiet snck of a bottle cap, and Stiles focuses enough to see that Derek has stealthily acquired a tube of lube from his bedside table. He moans at the wet glisten on Derek’s fingers, cants his hips up in anticipation.

“Like this,” he whispers, shoving at the waistband of his briefs until Derek gets the hint and peels them away. “Wanna see you.”

“Christ, Stiles,” Derek mutters, his eyes flaring brilliant red. He runs his clean hand down the length of Stiles’ torso, the too-sharp-to-be-human prick of his nails sending a delicious shiver up Stiles’ spine. His pupils are blown out, and he keeps taking deep, careful breaths, like he wants to catalogue Stiles’ scent, and the way that it intermingles with his own in this moment.  “You’re beautiful.”

Stiles can feel his checks going beet red, and is about to protest that Derek is the beautiful one, when the blunt tip of Derek’s finger ghosts across his hole and any thought of protest is thrown out the window. He shudders and sighs as Derek works him open, pleasure sparking across his skin every time Derek crooks his fingers just so. By the time Derek manages to slip a third finger inside him, Stiles is nearly incomprehensible with the force of his need, a steady litany of expletives and garbled half-words filling the meager space between them.

“Now,” he moans, insistent. He slaps weakly at Derek’s sweaty, wonderful shoulders. “Now, Derek, while we’re young.”

“Bossy.” Derek grins down at him, beautiful and, yes, wolfish, and then his fingers are slipping out of Stiles’ hole, leaving a conspicuous absence in their wake. Stiles whines at the sudden emptiness, hips rolling as he seeks sensation, and Derek leans down to capture his lips in a bruising kiss. In the space of a second, he’s lining himself up, and then Stiles actually sees stars out as the thick, blunt head of Derek’s cock breaches his hole. It’s slow, agonizingly so. Stiles writhes and groans and tries to buck up, tries to take more, tries to establish a rhythm, but Derek grins into their kiss and holds him fast against the mattress.

“Let me,” Derek murmurs, and for the first time he sounds as wrecked as Stiles feels. Stiles leans back a little to see the flush on the werewolf’s face, the way his muscles are rigid with control. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Right,” Stiles moans, and it’s the work of a moment’s concentration to call to his magic. With an actinic crackle, he flips them so that he straddles Derek’s thighs, a shit-eating grin spreading over his face as he takes in Derek’s shell-shocked expression, the werewolf’s eyes flashing again when he realizes what Stiles has done.

“I’ll be the one to determine my own breakability,” Stiles informs him piously, and then his vocabulary takes a dive towards the monosyllabic as he lets himself sink down onto Derek’s cock.

Pleasure skitters across his skin as he rocks down, the hot thickness of Derek’s cock filling him nearly to the point of pain, a delicious burn that ignites the roiling coil of desire tightening in his belly. Derek breathes his name, his hand sliding reverentially up the lean length of his thighs. Any thoughts of taking things slow go flying out the window when Derek wraps one broad, strong hand around the aching length of Stiles’ erection.

They move together in a frenzy, nearly a decade of unresolved lust and emotion crashing over them in a wave. Stiles grinds down on Derek’s cock, reveling in the way the pressure builds, and builds, and builds, Derek’s name falling from his lips on loop as the werewolf fucks up into him, hitting his prostate with punishing accuracy.

“Mine,” Stiles pants, lips ghosting across the bolt of Derek’s jaw. “Mine. You’re mine.”

Derek howls, the claws of his free hand digging into the tender flesh of Stiles’ thigh, and Stiles comes like a freight train.

He spasms and shakes as his orgasms takes him, clenching down on the hard length of Derek inside of him, only abstractly aware of Derek following him, shuddering, over the edge. They cling to each other through the aftershocks, until their heartbeats slow and the ability to form coherent thought returns.

“Holy shit,” Stiles mutters, breathlessly, into the crook of Derek’s neck. He nearly purrs as Derek absently runs a hand up and down his spine. “Let’s never stop doing that.”

“Sounds good,” Derek says, and there’s the hint of laughter in his voice that Stiles loves. “Might make work a little awkward, but I’m game if you are.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

With a groan, Stiles pulls himself off of Derek’s dick, flopping down to starfish across the entire bed, sweaty werewolf included. Derek huffs a sigh and manhandles Stiles into a more agreeable position, curling around his back until their bodies are flushed. Soon they’ll have to get up and shower, or else risk being permanently glued together by the mess of come on Derek’s stomach, but for now that can wait.

“We’ve still got to figure out how to break this dumb heatwave spell,” Stiles mumbles, mournfully. Derek smiles a slow grin against his neck.

“Let Scott and Deaton figure it out,” he suggests, nosing at the sweat-sticky hair behind Stiles’ ear. “I’m not leaving this bed for anything but food for the next two days.”

“It is technically my fault.” Stiles grins into the pillow, feeling absolutely no guilt at all. “It’s only right that I help out.”

“If I overnight an air conditioner to the apartment, will you stop trying to get out of bed?”

Stiles snorts, gesturing to the inextricable tangle of their limbs as if to say, Do you see me trying to leave?

“I’m not going anywhere, big guy.” He slots his fingers through Derek’s, plants a kiss on the back of his hand. “You’ve got me for good, now.”

“Good,” Derek sighs, tightening his hold around Stiles’ torso. “Now go to sleep.”

“When we wake up, we order that A/C,” Stiles teases, and then nestles back against the comforting bulk of Derek’s body and allows sleep to claim him.

Heatwaves aren’t so bad, after all. 

[ladydracarysao3]

Alistair Appreciation Week - Day Three: Thedosian Tragedies - Angst, Hurt, and Comfort

Wallowing with Cheese

This is set during my epically long fic In Love, Serenity. This is from a scene in chapter 20 where Alistair sits with my mage OC, Aurora, but unlike the story, this is from Alistair’s POV. Dedicated to @ma-sulevin because she inspired it <3

Pairing: Alistair x OC (Aurora, Inquisition Mage) x HOF mentioned (Lymeria Cousland) Rating: SFW Words: 1660

Alistair rounds the final steps to the middle level of the Herald’s Rest. It’s darker up there, and marginally quieter - but not so quiet that he can’t find something else to focus on beyond the singing in his head.

He’s not much in the mood for the jovality found on the lower-level of the Tavern. As the days and years go on, he finds himself less and less in the mood for other people’s happiness. He’s tired. Worn. And sometimes he just cannot shove that fake smile on his face and pretend everything's just dandy.

He walks the dim level of the tavern, looking for a place to sit and just watch the goings-on below, when he sees a familiar face. The circle mage from Ferelden, Aurora, is slumped over a table by herself, staring down at the festivities with the saddest of puppy faces Alistair has possibly ever seen. He takes a deep breath, while he isn’t in the mood for rejoicing in someone else’s happiness, he can most certainly wallow with another lost soul.

“I see you also prefer the company of no one…here in the darkness,” he says. He would think that maybe he would have startled her, with the way she had been focused down below, but she just rolls her head on her arms in his direction. She says nothing beyond a dull stare, so he fills the silence. “Mind is I join your solitude?” He quirks the faintest smile and shows her the plate in his hands. “I have cheese.”

She eyes him up and down then cocks the crown of her head to the empty chair beside her. Alistair sits and places his snack on the table. He leans back in his chair, pressing against the creaking wood with the weight of the world.

Aurora sighs and nibbles on a piece of cheese without lifting her head from the table. He notices that her eyes are fixed on a particular person down below, and he can’t help but wonder if she is wading through a similar hellscape as he. He eats his cheese and tries to focus away from the calling in his head. He’s sure it’s fake, but that doesn’t keep away the maddening incessant nature of it. Or the realization that this will really happen someday.

His mind drifts to Lymeria and her quest to find a cure. With each painful heartbeat, his thoughts wander. He sees her face, those beautiful pale-blue eyes staring back at him through her mask of black, her bright red hair blowing in her face from the howling wind on the coast, his thumb wiping a tear from her porcelain cheek before kissing her one last time. The images of the last time he ever saw her. The images he fears could be the last time he ever sees her again.

“Alistair?”

“Hmmm?” he responds without thought, mind still transfixed on his love as she walked away from him on that rocky beach.

“How did you do it?” The faint and hoarse question slips through his thoughts and Alistair realizes his silent companion is talking to him.

He releases a weighted sigh and props his boots on the rim of the railing in front of them. “How did I do what, Aurora?”

“How did you and Lymeria find happiness in each other, when you didn’t know if there would even be a tomorrow?”

He swipes a piece of cheese and chews, letting the question hang in the air for a while. How, indeed. He loves Lymeria more than anything, there was no question about it. But it certainly wasn’t easy. It wasn’t easy for them to admit their love, it wasn’t easy for them to sustain it. It wasn’t easy to be so in love and so apart all at once. Nothing about it was easy, but it was also so very worth it. No matter the pain he feels, or the strength with which the world beats down on them on any given day...he would march to the edge of the map for that woman. He would tie himself to the pyre for that woman.

“I’ll be honest,” he says through chewing. “After the battle at Ostagar, I was feeling pretty low. In one night, Ferelden lost its King, most of its army, and all of its Grey Wardens – save for Mira and me. Mira had only just finished the joining ritual, and I had only been a Grey Warden for six months. And then suddenly, the darkspawn killed all of it. We had no support, we didn’t know anything. Mira had to rely entirely on my knowledge of what it meant to be a Grey Warden, and that was basically nothing. We didn’t even have families to turn to. I was a bastard who grew up living in the stables. Mira had recently witnessed her entire family murdered… yeah… it was pretty dismal.” He takes another piece of cheese and silently chews it.

Aurora turns her head on its side, resting it on her arm while she gazes up at him. He softly smiles back at her, and he feels a little warmer, thinking about how it actually felt to fall in love with Lymeria in the first place.

“But then everything changed…” he whispers. “We went to Lothering after we escaped Ostagar. I was in such a state. But then I noticed a rose… one single rose in a town overrun with misery. The darkspawn were coming, people were fleeing their homes, lives were lost, families were shattered. I saw that rose and I thought, ‘How could something so beautiful exist in a place with so much despair and ugliness?’ I should have left it alone, but I couldn’t. I knew that if I did, the darkspawn would come and just destroy it.”

“There was something else I noticed in Lothering…” he continues. He stares off into the distance. Staring at the image of Lymeria in his mind, smiling at him even though there was so much to frown for. “Mira,” he sighs her name wistfully. “In a lot of ways, I thought the same way when I looked at her. As we continued on our quest, I only became more crazed by her. We had only known each other for a short time, but when around her, I couldn’t think straight. I cared for her a great deal. I couldn’t imagine myself without her…not ever. We sort of… stumbled into each other.” Alistair chuckles softly. “And despite it being the least opportune time, I fell for her. Eventually, after setting up camp for an evening, I gave her that rose. And I told her what a rare and beautiful thing she was.”

“That is really sweet, Alistair,” Aurora says. She lifts her head from the table and rests her chin in her hand.

He lets out a low chuckle. “We had so much uncertainty ahead of us. We didn’t know what the next day would bring, let alone if we had a chance to stop the blight. But I know that I could have never done it alone. I thank the Maker every day, if He listens, for bringing Mira into my life. She changed everything.” He drops his eyes with a sigh, “I just wish I could be with her right now. But I will tell you this much, when I do see her again… I am never letting go.”

A tear falls down Aurora’s cheek. She turns to look at the man she’d been fixated on. The new Knight-Commander. Suddenly, Alistair understands why the woman looked so lost, and a conversation they had had earlier about the mage rebellion makes sense. The woman is in love with a man most would consider to be her enemy in this climate Thedas has made for itself. She must be struggling with the desire to be with him, while everything Thedas has to offer threatens to rip them apart.

Alistair understands that feeling. He understands it well. He recognizes that look in her eye.

Lymeria’s voice sings softly in his mind, We can do anything as long as we do it together. And though they are apart now, they are still together. They are under the same sky, the same stars, the same moons, fighting for the same cause. Together.

He may not have wanted to feign enthusiasm for someone’s happiness. He may have prefered instead, to wallow in despair. But now all he wants to do is help a friend out of her hole. Out of that lonely place he knows all too well.

“You should go to him,” Alistair delicately suggests. “Life is too short… too ugly… to go through it alone. Whatever is stopping you, that is what you should ignore. Not him. You two will be able to get through this, if you do it together.”

Aurora turns to peer at Alistair with a furrow in her brow. “But I am a mage…what if…” Her voice breaks and she remains silent.

“He is the Knight-Commander of the new Templar order in all of southern Thedas. No matter what happens when this is all over, I am confident that he will do whatever he can to protect you and all other mages in his charge.” Alistair says. He looks at Aurora encouragingly and nods toward  Ser Barris. “Go to him,” he urges.

His friend smiles at him with rosey, wet cheeks. She stands and does some kind of clumsy curtsey, then rushes for the stairs. Alistair watches while she descends, and Ser Barris meets her at the base. They embrace and share some words that Alistair cannot hear but very much understands their meaning.

He pops another cube of cheese in his mouth and smiles, feeling a little lighter than before. In this moment, the future doesn’t feel so desolate and his thoughts focus on the smiling face of the love of his life, rather than the tears.

[2indecisive4this-blog]

“That’s starting to get annoying” (Kaitlyn Ending)

Request 1

(READ PART ONE HERE)

Kaitlyn x MC (Ella)

Rated M but mostly fluff and angst

***

“Kaitlyn..

...Please don’t go”

The door opens slowly. Kaitlyn pops her head back in, peering at you.

“Hmm?”

You struggle for words, instead opting to scoot backwards until your back is against the wall. You pat the bed next to you, forcing a smile. She lifts an eyebrow, walking to the bedside cautiously.

You regain your bearings “Do you think you could..” You swallow “..stay with me awhile?”

Her face softens, her lips collecting in an easy smile “Sure”

She hops on you bed, shimmying to snuggle up next to you. She lays her head into your pillow next to your own; your foreheads pressing lightly against each other. Her breath comes in small puffs, each granting you a better idea of the scent on it; orange juice, maybe?

You refocus to realize you’ve been staring at her mouth; her lips glazed with pink lipstick; the very same that rests on your cheek, picking up blanket lint and indiscernible tiny pillow feathers.

You glance up to her eyes, noting their glistening smile. Their smize

Tyra Banks would be proud.

Your eyes descend, returning back to her shapely pink lips. You notice they’ve parted slightly, Is she getting closer to me?! You close your eyes, parting your lips as she does, leaning in..

“So do you want to talk about it?”

Your eyes flutter open to see her staring down at you, now in a sitting position, a cocky grin replacing her supple pink smile. How did she..? You make hot and heavy eye contact with the pillow that sits in her place for a moment too long, then push yourself into a sitting position. You rub your eyes with your fingertips tiredly.

“Sorry” she chuckles “I guess I chickened out”

You laugh and shrug your shoulders “I guess I’m not really in the mood to talk about it..about her” Kaitlyn nods, collapsing back into the bed; sinking comfortably into the pillows.

“You were right, you know?” Kaitlyn pushes herself back up, rubbing her eyes tiredly as she readies herself to listen.

“Hmm?”

“That she never showed me affection”

“Mhm” Kaitlyn nods thoughtfully

“Or appreciation for anything I did..” Kaitlyn’s head continues bobbing

“Or even basic human decency”

“As much as I love it that you’re seeing what I’ve been telling you all along,” Kaitlyn starts “That’s starting to get annoying”

Your eyebrow furrows “What?”

“I mean.. It’s not you it’s just..” she trails off “You’re preaching to the choir here” Her features soften; she places a kiss against your befuddled cheek; now hues of auburn. You sputter, briefly.

“You’re really cute when your flustered”

“Are you just trying to shut me up?”

She parts her lips to reveal a toothy grin “Do you really care?”

Good point.

You lean in, grinning into her lips in a clumsy kiss. She laughs into your mouth, only subsiding as your tongues take with each other.

It’s hard to kiss while smiling.

“Oof” You tease “Out of practice?” This earns you a swift punch in the arm.

“Hey!” She growls “If you would just stop laughing..”

“Fine, fine” you raise your hands defensively “I’ll stop” 

You focus your mind on your facial muscles, willing the curvature in your lips to cease. As soon as you succeed, catching a glimpse at Kaitlyn’s glowing features nullifies it. You give in to the laughter yet again; only silenced by the surprise of your own snort.

***

Eventually, the laughter subsides naturally “I’ve missed this” Kaitlyn carefully flicks a tear from under her eye “Laughing like this, with you, you know?”

You nod, relaxing into the comfort of down bedding. “Me too, it’s nice to laugh it out” Kaitlyn grins , crawling over you. Her elbows bend as she lowers herself over you, her lips gracing your own gently.

As you respond, fervently returning her kiss, you notice her arms shaking slightly beneath her weight. Your lips curve as you wrap an arm around her. Pressing your palm to the middle of her back, you pull her to collapse on top of you; relieving her of her effortful positioning. She presses her lips graciously into yours, artfully parting your lips with her tongue.

Slowly, her lips migrates down your jaw to your collarbone. You gasp as she fastens her mouth to your neck; her teeth teasing you as she bares down, kissing and sucking. You stifle a giggle as you feel her fingertips tickle your stomach, reaching under your sweatshirt. She gasps as she finds your chest entirely bare underneath it “Were you expecting me?”

You roll your eyes “Don’t flatter yourself” 

She smiles, tugging your sweatshirt, Becca’s sweatshirt, up your body “I think it’s time we take this off..”

You feel weight welling in your chest. You pull the sweatshirt back down. “Uh Kait?”

“Yeah?”

“I think this is going a little fast..” You swallow what feels like gravel “...for me at least” She nods, smiling patiently.

“That’s okay!” She flops next to you; wrapping her arms around you from behind, claiming you as her little spoon “These are platonic snuggles!” She nuzzles her chin into the crook between your neck and shoulder. Her breath tickles your ear..

Is she doing this on purpose?

Her arms start to loosen their grip around you, which you promptly correct, pulling her arms to squeeze around your waist. You feel her lips curve against your in a satisfied smile and her breasts press into our back. You sigh, basking in Kaitlyn’s comforting presence; her rhythmic breathing calming you through the breaths beating on your neck and the rising and falling of her chest into your back. You remain like that, taking pleasure in the affection you’ve been craving.

***

She clears her throat.

“Whelp, I’m not tired”

“Me neither”

“Want to play a game?”

“Depends...Do I have to move?”

“Only if you want to”

“I’m in. What game?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

“I should’ve guessed..”

“TRUTH OR TRUTH!”

***

“Ugh, I knowww… It’s so embarrassing!”

“And he was your cousin?”

“Third cousin! Twice-removed” you justify, though you’re unclear whether you’re justifying it to her or yourself

“Still…” she continues “A first kiss with any relative is pretty, well, grody”

“Ughhh why did I even tell you…”

“Them’s the rules!” She perks up

“Fine!” You shudder, still picturing your third cousin Lloyd kissing you at midnight at a New Year’s Eve several years back “Tell me…” You struggle, trying to think of something juicy.

Ahah!

“Tell me about your dirtiest dream” Her jaw drops as her face immediately flushes fuchsia.

“I..I’ve never--”

“LIES!” You call her out immediately

“Okayy so I might have had one teensy little one..”

“Who with?” You inquire, excitedly

“You..wouldn’t know her” She refuses to meet your glance.

“Wouldn’t I?”

“Okay, so maybe you would”

“Kaitlyn…”

“You. Okay? I had one about you, okay?” She blushes furiously, attempting and failing to hide her face in her hands. She watches you through the cracks between her fingers.

You laugh, slumping an arm around her. “Kait, it’s okay, I’ve had them about you too”

“You have?”

“Damn straight..err..gay?”

She drops her hands and beams at you “Okay good, because I had a hell of a lot more than one. I had one the first night of freshman year… You stayed behind with Chris, but I dreamt you came into my room, woke me and took me right then and there”

Your eyes widen “I would’ve loved to--”

“Well yeah, but only I learned that later. At the time I was just really ashamed of thinking about you like that..and you not knowing..”

“Oh honey.. I knew” She shoves you playfully.

“I tried to shut my feelings down after that”

“Oh Kait, I had--”

“So whatever happened with you and Zig?” She cuts you off, seemingly unaffected.

“With Zig?” you stammer “Nothing, really”

“Uhuh, surrreeee” She eyes you suspiciously, one corner of her lips raised in a knowing smirk.

You shake your head “Nope. Nothing”

“Come onnnn”

“Okay, so mayybeeee we hooked up once or twice during the summer, before the road trip” Her mouth falls open, her fist lightly smacking against your bicep.

“And you wait until now to tell me?!”

“I’m sorry, we were broken up I didn’t realize--”

“What part of ‘best friends don’t keep secrets’ do you fail to understand?”

“Well what about Natasha?”

Kaitlyn falls silent. “What about her?”

“What happened with her?”

“Well..” she begins “We had sex once or twice”

“What?!”

“Well you were with Becca”

“That’s different!”

“How?!”

“Because I...ugh, never mind”

“Ella,” she begins, lowering her voice “When did you stop loving me?”

You look away; to the wall, mostly. “I..”

“That’s okay” She sighs “You don’t have to answer. I’m sorry I attacked you over the whole Becca thing, you were right to question my relationship with Natasha”

“Kaitlyn..”

“No, really. Like I said, we had sex a few times, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing”

You finally find words “A strap-on?” You smile, if only slightly.

She returns the gestures, stroking a goatee she imagines from her chin thoughtfully “You know, maybe!” 

She shakes her head, rolling her eyes “In all seriousness, I just..”

“Didn’t love her?”

“Yeah, that” She turns to sit with her feet hanging off the bed, her back to you, head hanging. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pour this on you I just--”

“Never”

“What?”

“I thought about it. I never stopped loving you”

“Wait, really?”

You nod, your genuinity glimmering through tears in your eyes.

“Me neither” She clears her throat “So I think that’s what I was missing with her but--”

“It really is better when you’re in love” You cut her off.

After a few moments of silence conspicuously pass, she starts, her voice low;

“Then why haven’t we been together?”

“Because I’m dumb, I guess”

Kaitlyn turns to face you. Her eyes glint, you can’t tell if its the light or tears welling in them.

“I really love you. I haven’t stopped loving you for a second”

“I..” you struggle for words, butterflies, No, kittens, really rambunctious kittens, prowl about your nervous stomach.

“I love you too, Kait”

“I understand if you don’t want to..y’know..” She looks away, failing to hide the light glimmering against her moistened cheeks “..if we’re just too different--”

You close the gap between you, tasting her breath on her lips.

Grapefruit juice, so close.

She pulls away, an unsure smile creeping along her ample lips “I thought this was going too fast?”

You back away, getting into a kneeling position, your knees sinking into the voluptuous bedding.

“Do you want me to leave?” Concern creeps through her voice. 

She’s so insecure.

You pull the sweatshirt off and cast it aside, it slips easily to the ground. Kaitlyn’s eyes widen as she stares at you, lingering on your naked form.

“Is this too fast?” You chirp with a wink

She shakes her head eagerly and pounces on you, forcing you backward onto the bed and kissing you hungrily; her teeth gnawing lightly on your lower lip. She separates from you just long enough to pull her top over her head and cast it to the floor. You resume, slipping your hand around her back, fiddling with her bra strap excruciatingly awkwardly. 

She pulls away, grinning down at you, her teasing tone singeing your pride “Need some help?”

Ouch.

You grumble  “You’d think I’d be better at this by now..” 

Your face reddens as she rolls her eyes and stretches back to unhook it herself.

“I loosened it for you..” You contend with nearly pathetic futility.

“Of course..” She teases. You would be more embarrassed, but as her bra falls away you can’t seem to think about anything other than the beautiful girl in your bed before you. Your view is suddenly obstructed as her hands move to either arm, rubbing them feverishly.

“Brr..” She shivers “It’s a bit..”

“Nippy?” You chuckle “Should we take this under the blankets?” She nods eagerly, pushing you out of the way to squirm fretfully under the covers. You quickly follow suit, wriggling in next to her. One by one, Kaitlyn discards her clothing into a heap next to the bed.

“What a mess..” you muse

“Hey, it’s an organized mess, there’s a difference!” You roll your eyes, your clothes soon landing on top of the established heap. Your phone, on the night stand, buzzes loudly.

“Who is it?”

The screen lights up before you. “Becca”

“..What does she want?” Concern glistens in her eyes as she watches carefully over your shoulder. You shrug.

“Doesn’t matter” you mutter.

“Good” Kaitlyn sighs, planting a relieved kiss to your lips. Your eyelids close as you flop to your back. Kaitlyn desperately struggles against the sheets to get on top of you.

“Jeez! These sheets are tucked tight”

“Yeah,” You sigh, your lips losing their eager curvature “Bex likes them snug”

She cocks her head, flopping down beside me to face you “Bex..”

“I’m sorry Kait, I don’t know if I can do this tonight”

“That’s okay” Her dulcet lips soften to a tired smile “Baby steps. I mean no one quits heroin cold turkey, right?”

You laugh uneasily “I guess not”

She lifts herself to reach past you, her breast dragging tantalizingly across your cheek as she stretches to draw the lamp string. Your chest burns with anticipation.

The light clicks off.

In the darkness, you feel her palm pressed to your back, pulling you to her. Your lips find hers and you moan into her mouth as your breasts press against each other. 

You surrender into her kiss as she overtakes you.

***

“Baby steps, right?”

“Mm..”

***

“..maybe adolescent steps..”

***

[fy-girls-generation]

[INTERVIEW TRANSLATION] SNSD in W Korea (August 2017)

source

trans by SonexStella

[smileyanie]

[INTERVIEW TRANSLATION] SNSD in W Korea August 2017 Issue

“A Decade to Remember”,credit sonexstella

It was a distinct generation. Girls’ Generation’s past 10 years that shook the world, changed standards and wrote history, and the future.

YOONA

Drama <The King In Love> will air soon. It was pre-filmed so even though the shoot has ended, you meet often with your co-stars. The attendance rate is very so good we say to each other that it feels like we are in university. The writers incorporated my personality when creating the character, and when we went on location, they didn’t give specific direction but said to go and play as we were. You’ll be able to see a comfortable appearance.

Of the members, you have been acting most steadily. There must have been preconceived notions as an idol turns actress, when did you experience this and how did you overcome it? A month or two before Soshi’s debut, I debuted in a drama first. As expected, I must have been lacking a lot but most people looked at me favorably for trying hard. While filming, the album came out and the title of Girls’ Generation became attached, and assessments after that felt a bit more harsh. Since I showed myself on stage more often, they recognized that image first so my acting self might have been viewed awkwardly. Acting is still difficult. Not because I’m an idol but because there are so many people these days who are good. Rather than to take off an label, but I have greed to want to become even better at acting. There are many exceptional idols turned actors now so I think there are less preconceived notions than before.

Director Kim Sunghoon who directed your first movie <Confidential Assignment> said ‘Smart actors have innate sensibilities, like how a water flows’. As an actress, what do you think an actor’s strengths are?   Talking about an actor’s strengths sounds too grandiose, but I like emotional appeal. I’m impacted by the weather a lot, and I tend to think that the mood and atmosphere is important. Of course, what an actor feels and expressing those feelings is a different issue. Sometimes aspects that I thought I could do well doesn’t come across as well on screen. I’m not sure if it’s emotion, but one of the individual aspects that I like about myself is voice. A lot of people who predict my voice will be bright are surprised because my voice is low-to-medium tone when they hear it, but I like this tone a lot. Of other actors, I like those who have low tones and recently, actor Kim Jiwon is like that.

How does it feel to celebrate SNSD’s 10th anniversary?   It feels like it has been about 7 years but it makes me wonder when time passed by so quickly like this. Other sunbaenims who celebrated their 10 year anniversary since debut looked cool and accomplished, but to me, the thing that I feel the most is that time has passed by quickly. I do feel proud too.

In the last 10 years, what kind of change has happened to the members? As we built up our experience, everyone’s skills expanded and we grew. Aspects that made us nervous or were awkward have become comfortable. Personality-wise, the person who changed the most is maknae Seohyun. She was introverted but now she’s a bit more lively and has  a personality that allows her to approach others first. That’s a result of both her own efforts, and the influence of the members. Tiffany unnie’s Korean skills have improved a lot so for most interviews, she chooses appropriate words and does well.  

SUNNY

How does it feel to celebrate SNSD’s 10th anniversary?  

My personality is one that tires easily of things, so there aren’t a lot of things that I’ve done continuously, so the only thing I’ve been doing for more than 10 years is work. As you go through life, there are times when it feels futile. Whenever that happens, the fact that I’ve been in SNSD for 10 years becomes a support system. If I was alone for 10 years, I could have been lonely but the fact that I have people to share experiences with. Members, fans, family, staff who we’ve worked together with for a long time. The times that have passed are proof of my existence. Even though it has been 10 years, the fact that we can show something new again is also lucky.

Recently at your birthday fan meeting, we were surprised by you personally picking and wrapping presents for fans by hand.

On my birthday, I invited and prepared for 515 people, but after I gave the presents, it felt too small compared what I’d been receiving all these years, so I felt sorry. I immensely felt how fans must have prepared each and every time. I was able to walk in their shoes.

In the last 10 years, what kind of change has happened to the members? As expected, they are friends who distinguished themselves from the beginning, but when we debuted, we were young and it was our first time, so if back then we were passive girls, now we’ve become dominant and we have stability coming from our experience. Everyone knows what they are good at, and we still work hard toward that. Nowadays, when any members goes somewhere and does something, I don’t feel anxious at all.

When was the most difficult time while you were promoting?  

Even during times when it was physically and mentally difficult, there were trivial enjoyments within them, and as time passes, I feel like they were helpful. Each individual had puberty-like personal slumps, and we experienced the team’s difficulties together. Every time, what ultimately helped was each other. There is comfort in the relationships with those who went through and go through the same experiences together.

There are a lot of idol and trainee hoobaes now. What would you like to say to them?

If there’s something they want to do that is age appropriate and can be responsible for, I would want them to attempt it all. If they do that, they’ll be able to know what they’re really good at, and what they’ve really wanted to do. Not through fantasy, but through reality, you will be able to figure out your own chemistry with specific type of work. You need to embrace both successes and failures, so you can’t take it too lightly. Another practical advice is that in this day and age, everything remains behind as a record (laughs).

TIFFANY

How was today’s shoot?

The person most enthusiastic about this W cover was probably me. I wanted to leave behind a project that commemmorates SNSD’s 10th anniversary and is also meaningful fashion-wise. I’ve had editorial shoots alone from time to time but it has been a while since we had one with all eight of us, so leaving behind a pretty record together is fun and makes me happy. When we’re together, a very impressive picture comes out.

Your personality doesn’t hide your affection toward other members.

As a trainee, my preparation period was short. There are members who trained for 7 years and I did it for about 3 years. Our members are my role models, and we continuously confirmed that we were the best. I always imagine and dream of the members’ maximum (potential).

Others have said that maintaining sufficient distance between one another is the secret to good relationships, but your approach is different.

The start itself was different for me. I had already left my home and family to come here when I was in the 3rd year of middle school. I think I loved the members from the beginning (laughs). For 10 years, I was always the hopeless romantic. Whatever I look at, I thought of them, and they know everything about me so I don’t need to explain anything, so they are a family-like existence. So even in public, I want to do well by them, without any shame.

What was SNSD mean to you?

SNSD is a space where I can learn only good things. It’s an honour and fate that may or may not come around once in a lifetime. Even if I was born again, I love this space so much that I would want to be a member of SNSD. While preparing for this comeback, I re-watched the first videos from our debut. 10th anniversary is a significant milestone, for relationships, for friendships and as a team. They are my colleagues but what’s impressive is that when we don’t have a song we’re promoting, we restlessly did something, whether it’s acting or variety. We all have a lot of content.

As you said, since you are a romanticist, you must be deeply moved by the 10th anniversary of debut.

Similar to how when you think of the 90s, you think of Britney Spears or the movie <Clueless>, when you think back to 2007, I hope we come to mind naturally. And I hope the W cover that we shot today becomes a part of that larger picture. As time passes, there are people who doubt the word ‘girl’, but we continue to exist and we’re not going anywhere (laughs)? There are a lot of things that we can individually do and when we want to come together, we come together. Separately and together, that is Girls’ Generation.

YURI

At a previous interview, you’ve said ‘there is a lot of expectation with the SNSD name, so it’s burdensome’. Is that still the case? To you, what kind of a name is the title of Soshi?  

With the name of Girls’ Generation, I felt that we’ve always received a lot of love and anticipation. So I am both thankful and careful. Because I thought that we cannot be troublesome here. I enjoy it a lot and I’m happy but conversely, it is burdensome and worrisome. Going forward, whatever I attempt, the SNSD name will give me a lot of strength and at the same time, it will be a weight on my shoulders.

How does it feel to celebrate SNSD’s 10th anniversary?  

Daily life of one year after another have collected to become 10 years. As it’s our comeback in 2 years, we’re preparing diligently, but similar to greeting a birthday calmly, it wasn’t extraordinarily special. I’m thankful for each moment, but the reason why we don’t attach a lot of meaning is because we’ve never once thought about this as the end.

When you compare to when you debuted, what has changed?

For me personally, I didn’t start Soshi with ambitious dreams. I met friends who like doing what I really like doing, which was singing and dancing. It was as if we were going on field trips and I really enjoyed it. There were many fierce moments, but since I enjoyed what I was doing, I think I was able to come to this point right now.

For 10 years, how have you been able to maintain a good relationship as a team?

It’s still hard and we are careful. From certain aspects, even more so than 10 years ago. For me personally, as much as I feel preciousness toward the members and to the SNSD group, I try to maintain distance. In a group lifestyle of several people, in a situation where you can be compared even if you don’t want to be, that was the method to maintaining an easy-going relationship for a long time. Now they’re like family, we’re past the point of being troubled by one another, and we’re at an era where we view one another in a cute way.

What kind of sentiments did you feel while watching other girl groups who promoted around the same time officially disband one by one?

I was able to understand their choices and decisions and thought that we should respect it. The one and only thing that doesn’t change in this world is the truth that everything changes. I was thankful that they worked diligently and that they leave behind good songs.

Of your activities to date, what was your favourite song or performance?

I feel most alive and happiest when I do something that gives me a sense of accomplishment. Separate from the public reaction, stages that gave me a sense of accomplishment are the most exciting for me. For example, ‘Catch Me If You Can’, which was a challenge that had a difficult choreography and it was not easy from a physical stamina aspect, is special in my heart. I personally like ‘Kissing You’, and it feels like a song we won’t be able to do again. It reminds me of the time when we were promoting that song and our vibe and energy of that time comes to mind, so to me, it’s a song that is pure and monumental.

Your debut song ‘Into the New World’ was sung widely in public squares last year and it became the ‘morning dew’ of the young generation. Have you seen the video of Ewha Women’s University students singing it at a candlelight rally?

I saw the video several times, and I even cried because my heart was overcome with emotion. It was a moment that I felt a huge sense of pride as a singer. It was a message that I wanted to deliver through my work, and the inspiration that we wanted to deliver through music and performance was being realized, so it was unlike anything else. At the time when we debuted, I didn’t fully understand the lyrics so I might have been imitating it with bright eyes. But as time passes and I listen to the song, the lyrics touch me even more.

SOOYOUNG

Late last year, when we met you for the K-Pop World Special that we did with US W, you said that you feel restless now that you’re in your late 20s. How is it these days?

Up to the first half of this year, I was still on the restless side. When there was still a bit of time less until we seriously started preparing the album, I was asked to be in a weekend drama that would air starting in September, and I decided to do it even without looking at the script. I had rested enough so I wanted to focus on work again. I also filmed a web drama called <A Person You Could Know>. While working on this piece, I had a lot of thoughts. That I could work in a good mood if it’s something I really want to do, regardless of viewership ratings, guarantee, airtime and broadcasting station? Work itself was fun, when you work with good people and share the process.

What kind of sentiments do you get when we say ‘SNSD’s 10th anniversary’?

First of all, I think ‘Has it already been 10 years?’. It’s a bit burdensome because it might feel like we’ve gotten old. But SNSD was my life itself, so I don’t think it has been that long. Recently, we watched the stages we did when we were young together with members and our appearance of pretending to be cute was hopeless (laughs). The young members who tried so hard to look pretty looked pitiful at times but we also looked really pretty so I wanted to pat each person on the head.

While working on the album, what aspect did you concern yourselves with the most?

Since it’s our 10th anniversary, the anticipation and gaze on what side we’ll show will be big, but truthfully, we tried not to be conscious of that anticipation. I had a lot of concerns prior to picking the music, but as soon as I heard the music, it felt like ‘Yes, this is Girls’ Generation’. Outcome-wise, I think it will be exactly the appearance that the public wants for us, as we have reached our 10th anniversary.

In precarious moments for the team, what kind of role or position did Sooyoung take? And in times when you were able to overcome difficulties well, what was the main reason behind it?

Sometimes I was quiet and sometimes I took action and resolved it. Whatever happens, we’ve all experienced the same situations, so whenever issues arise, we tend to think ‘I was like this too’, rather than ‘Why are you like this?’. Even if we don’t talk, we understand one another. Out of the blue, if someone just says ‘Ah!’, we are able to know what emotion caused that reaction. The most important things when it comes to group lifestyle are sacrifice and patience, aren’t they? If there’s a time when I make a sacrifice, when I’m doing something according to my own will, there is a member behind me who is making a sacrifice.

From your debut to now, in what area do you feel like you’ve grown in?

As I said, I’ve learned to be patient. For example, out of us, someone starts getting ready at 6 am and needs to wait until the remaining members finish their preparations. In a situation where everyone finishes work in the early morning, someone can only go home after other members have been dropped off by car. One could say that these are reasonable experiences for group activities, but to us who have lived like this for 10 year, there are many aspects that didn’t seem so reasonable. Of course, not just amongst us, but I tend to be patient when dealing with other people and puzzling situations.

What is one thing you gained and one thing you lost with SNSD?

I’ve gained experience and memories, but if there’s something I’ve lost, it’s time. To refer to memories and time differently seems contradictory, but truly, I’ve gained memories, but I’ve lost time. But as there’s so much more that I’ve gained, I have no regrets.

HYOYEON

Recently, you released a solo song called ‘Wannabe’. It’s not easy for cuteness and coolness to co-exist, but we could see both of these aspects in you.

When I did my first solo activities with a song called ‘Mystery’, I wanted to appear pretty. Looking back, I think it meant that I lost my own colour. This time, I wanted to bring a cool performance to life. Recently, I keep reaching for Janet Jackson and Madonna’s videos. After seeing Janet Jackson dance in a group and do popping and locking, my interest in choreography like that came to life again.

What is Hyoyeon’s favourite compliment that she likes to hear most?

I tend to be thirsty for compliments, so I like all kinds of compliments (laughs). Honestly, I liked hearing I was pretty, or that I got prettier. Now, I like hearing that I have charms. It means I have my own colours.

In the days when you wanted to look pretty, what kind of efforts did you put in?

I diligently monitored myself. I especially monitored the members to find their good aspects and tried to accept what I should accept.

Normally when someone monitors, they only look at themselves. To monitor your members more instead of yourself, this is not a common statement (laughs).

At that time, I didn’t know how to tell the difference between myself reflected in the practice room mirror and myself reflected on screen. It felt like whenever I saw myself reflected on screen, I wasn’t able to express myself properly. Was I lacking in effort? Do I not know how to express myself? I had many thoughts, but just because you work hard doesn’t mean you’re pretty. The reason why I monitored the members is because I knew there was a reason why our members often heard that they were pretty. When the public has a unified voice, it feel like their words are right.

Hearing you tell stories like that, it must mean that now a different mind has already taken place. If Hyoyeon is this honest, at that time, you must not have hidden your heart to the members?

When we did ‘Tell Me Your Wish’, Yuri’s tanned skin that showed under the shorts and all of her style looked pretty to my eyes. So I’ve told Yuri, ‘This song is meant for you’. When I said that, Yuri was embarrassed to hear it.

TAEYEON

What came to mind the most while working on this album?

First of all, it felt difficult to express a point within a short part. It may be because I’ve had solo activities. Until recently, I did this and that alone and carried an entire song.

Aren’t you a veteran when it comes to showing your charms in a short part divided among many?

I don’t think I have a unique tone. So express a short part with impact is still not easy. While recording, I worried a lot about how to match the flow of the members.

Of the members, you were the first to start your solo activities. Your first solo song ‘I’ was good, and every time you released a song, the reaction was hot. What did you gain through your solo activities?

I learned that I need to be more detailed. Since everyone is looking just at me. When I’m with SNSD, even if we don’t set it ahead of time, there is a role and charm that each person is naturally responsible for, but I needed to show all of that alone.

If you’d had any desire for leadership musically, it must have be settled a bit by now.

I actually let go of leadership, and tend to match and comply to the best of my ability. When I’m solo, I can express myself best when I’m comfortable. Within the team, I can’t be the only comfortable person, so I try to match as much as possible. But as a basis, rather than giving big opinions, when various experts in their field provide help, listening to their thoughts well is comfortable for me and I like it. This time, it was good to listen to what they thought of SNSD’s 10th anniversary.

What kind of opinions did you share about SNSD’s 10th anniversary with the staff who participated in the album?

Rather than giving strength, we wanted to head toward a mood where we’re celebrating and enjoying the long time that we’ve spent with fans, and to commemorate the special day.

You’ve said that it’s difficult to express your inner heart so you don’t write songs. As your time as an artist lengthens, it’s typical to have desire to show yourself more, but you’re unexpected.

I thought about why I’m like that. Especially when it comes to lyrics, the reason why I think that way must be because I’ve developed a self defensive side due to being concerned about people’s misunderstandings. With the same words, many people have their own interpretations. Even if I imagined something and wrote a story, someone can argue that it really happened to me. To be honest, that situation makes me a bit afraid.

Then how will Taeyeon show her artist-like appearance?

Mmm, I think that for everything, there is a time. Truthfully, if I say something like this, it might be interpreted as ‘Taeyeon Will Never Write Songs’ so I’m careful again. I’m only saying that right now, the timing is not right for me to proactively write lyrics, but going forward, who knows if there will be a day when something will happen or I’ll be inspired to write a lot.

SEOHYUN

You’re starring in the MBC weekend drama <Thief, Mr. Thief> with Ji Hyunwoo and Kim Jihoon. It’s a long series with 50 episodes, how is it working out?

It’s more fun than I thought it would be. When we first started, I thought 50 episodes were long but it makes me think I can’t believe we’re already up to this point. I always did two or three things simultaneously, so I’m trained to handle the schedule. I don’t have time to exercise so I’m trying to take vitamins and eat well. Choreography practice will become exercise soon, I suppose?

But in the drama, you’re set up as the ‘model of a regular woman’ and ‘not particularly pretty and doesn’t possess special talents’. What is this nonsense, when you’re SNSD Seohyun?

Haha. If you saw the drama at least once, those words won’t sound that strange? I like that I’m similar to my character. Honestly, there have been times where it was frustrating because preconceived notions of me continues to exist. As I act, I think I can shatter some of those biases a bit, so it eases my heart.

Are you referring to the preconceived notion that you’re like a ‘good and nice girl’?

There are a lot of people who predicted ahead of time that I will be like a textbook, and that I would be no fun. But if I say hello first with a brave tone and in a down-to-earth way, it’s not a big deal, but people are really surprised by it. ‘Twenty three?’ ‘No, I’m twenty seven’ and they’re surprised again by my age.

When you say Seohyun, the righteous lifestyle image does take up prominent space. There was a time when we thought, ‘A friend who’s strait-laced is doing entertainment activities’.

The reason why I thought having a righteous lifestyle was important was because I felt like if I didn’t live like that, my life would flow in the wrong direction with slight provocation. Each and every day was so busy. As I was living and not being able to remember what I did yesterday, I felt like ‘Wow, if I do this wrong, I will be whisked away by time’. Leaving my home at a young age to live as a trainee was a choice that I made. It felt like if I lived healthily out of my own will, 10 years later, my life would remain whole.

You realized that early on, so now that 10 years have passed, you’ve grown up so well. How does it feel to reflect back on times when you were strict on yourself? Since you lived in a strait-laced way, aren’t you able to let yourself loose a bit now if you wanted?

Of course, I do think that I should’ve been a bit easier on myself. I always set rules for myself like ‘I will go home before this time’ and ‘I won’t meet with that person’. But I still think living like that was good, so I don’t have regrets.

While promoting domestically, SNSD had a cute female dongsaeng image whereas in Japan, SNSD carved out an alpha girl-like image. Due to the slightly different strategy in the two countries, is there a perspective you changed about the team or about yourself?

Rather than changing perspective, after we were accepted in Japan, it felt like acknowledgement that we don’t just have one side of ourselves, so we had more confidence. When we promote in Japan, we weren’t trying to artificially show the appearance of confident and mature women. We started in Japan around the time of ‘Tell Me Your Wish’, so in a more matured state, we were able to show a side of ourselves that we could do best in at that time.

PS: One thing I like the most is the title “A Decade To Remember”, so iconic. Love reading their interview and see how much our soshi girls grow and mature thru time.

“HAPPY 10TH ANNIVERSARY TO GIRLS GENERATION AKA SNSD, LET’S STAY A LONG TIME TOGETHER”