#but also indecision and the fear of making the wrong choices

[andromedasummer]

one thing i love about my uni is even when the subject we are studying is about far away country or ultra specific phenomenon theres always a book in the syllabus, published by the university, by a member of that country and/or culture, by an expert on that special subject, who happened to attend my university too. who's lived in the same cities i have.

[shootingmorningstar]

[slides on in] well hello there fellow lucifer fanatic

could i request some hcs with luci and an indecisive reader? gn and established relationship!! ex: he asks what they want for dinner and they panic trying to pick something because they feel like they need to decide right then and there or they’ll annoy him.

please and thank you! 🫶

anon, you're just like me fr. i also can never make up my mind and love lucifer. i'd be happy to write this for you .ᐟ

thank you for my first request, by the way ~ .ᐟ now to get to the good part.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR X GN! INDECISIVE READER

Look at this man. This is the man who has piles upon piles of rubber ducks in his workshop. You cannot tell me Lucifer isn't also indecisive, at least when it comes to less serious things.

Seriously. You expect me to believe he hasn't looked at his own work and went 'nope, looks bad. starting over.' .ᐣ

With that being said, I think he would find it an incredibly endearing trait in you. The concentrated face you make when you're stuck between two options .ᐣ Absolutely adorable.

That is, until the unsure and conflicted look on your face morphs into one telling of your anxiety and worry.

Now, I hope you'll excuse the bird pun, but he is absolutely a mother hen type.

The second he sees even a hint of panic on your face .ᐣ He's immediately shifting all of his focus on you -- if it hadn't been already.

He's rushing over to you without you having to so much as ask -- his beloved partner, distressed .ᐣ No matter the reason, that won't do. He won't rest until he sees you smiling again.

Wrapping his arms around you in a hug, likely even his wings, too. He's suffered so many panic attacks before, he knows just how miserable they are.

He wishes you had come into his life earlier so you could of comforted him through the worst of his.

Even if your panic hasn't dissolved into a full blown attack, he is there. His touch is grounding, it helps you calm down and come back to reality.

When your heart's stopped racing and you look as if you're able to talk about it, he'll ask you just what has you so distressed.

Don't even bother trying to lie to him. He can tell when someone's hiding their feelings.

He won't force you to tell him, though. He just wants to know what went wrong so he can help prevent it from happening again.

If you decide to share your worries with him, he wouldn't belittle you in the slightest. Is it time you need .ᐣ You two have all the time in the world.

Would you rather he choose .ᐣ Because he wouldn't mind.

Or if it's something more serious, he offers to sit down with you and discuss the pros and cons of each -- maybe you two can come up with a decision together .ᐣ

His face sort of falls if you decide to tell him part of the reasoning behind your anxiety is a fear that you'll end up annoying him. Did he do something to make you think he'd judge you .ᐣ

Or maybe he got short with you .ᐣ He's so apologetic. He wants you to feel like you can share anything and everything with him.

He won't let himself start feeling overwhelmed with guilt, though. This moment is about you and the reassurance you need, not his guilt issues.

Explain to him that you know he'd never do such a thing and that it's just an irrational thought coming from worry and he's taking your face into his hands, telling you that he would never, ever think less of you, much less get upset over something as silly as struggling to make a choice.

Like he said earlier, let him help you choose. You two are stronger together and this is no exception.

He's always soft to you, but count on him being even more so than usual for the rest of the night. You two can watch your favorite show or movie -- or whatever you'd like to do to destress. ♡

first request finished ~ .ᐟ how'd I do .ᐣ i'd love to hear your thoughts. feedback fuels my writing muse more than anything else .ᐟ

i'm really hoping this formats correctly, i'm used to using the tumblr app && currently stuck on laptop </3

[hots0s]

pairing: muzan x gn!reader

summary: honestly folks no plot or build up lmfao he’s just rlly hot and there is an unfortunate lack of gn/masc reader. i imagine with his limited time as a human, and a miserable one at that, he’d be eager to experience any sort of enjoyment, so… also reader has a dick so that’s fun!

cw: NSFW. no plot, sub!muzan, human!muzan, ‘hate’ sex, degradation…

this is absolutely not allowed.

you thank the god’s above that you’re in complete privacy the more you curl your fingers, lord muzan’s voice keening down the hallways, his delight on display for the world. your arm is starting to hurt— the man had been as taut as a bow before all this— but he’s almost ready for you. despite the soreness and muscle burn you could honestly do this for another hour you’re enjoying it that much. lord muzan, however, is not nearly well versed in patience as you are. he grumbles and pouts, rolling his hips onto your hand, bleary eyed and quivering with need. despite his condition he’d ordered that you not treat him like he’s frail and you remind yourself of that as you slap his inner thigh, eliciting a meek cry from his lordship.

“relax, my lord. you’re going to hurt yourself,” you say, watching the welt you’d left immediately darken on his smooth, porcelain skin. he groans as you deepen your reach inside him and press down on his stomach, arching his back and tossing his head to the side, panting open mouthed into the futon. you can’t see his exact expression under the shadows and tousled raven hair sticking to his forehead, in bundles of ribbons framing his complexion, but what you can see is his desire for carnal pleasure. lord muzan was ill and didn’t have the privilege of time or the luxury of choice. you had come to him with the offer, after all, and he’d leapt at the opportunity to forget his troubles for one night.

“if we do this, my lord,” you’d said into his ear, biting back a smile at the way he’d shivered and gasped under you as you slowly pushed him onto his back, trapping him underneath you and daring him to protest. “we’ll be doing it on my terms.”

he’d been rigid with the shock and possibly fear. had anyone ever treated him this way? had he ever been told what to do? you thought for a moment that you’d overstepped. you were only here to serve, that was all, to alert the doctor if something went wrong and to follow his every flight of fancy to the best of your ability. suddenly you’d felt silly, but before you could take it back you’d felt him nod against your shoulder, a single clumsy dip of the chin .

“yes.” he’d whispered.

he’d grabbed at you then the way he grabs at you now, a sense of urgency behind his touch, desperation surfacing. “i want it, i…” he moans loudly, throwing his arm over his ruddy face. “oh, enough… i’m ready!”

you continue spearing your fingers into him, spreading them as far apart as you can, over and over as you scrutinise him. you’re unsure if he is fully prepared or if he’s just that wanton. he looks at you from under his bicep and must see how indecisive you are for his already strained expression twists into one of despair, like he’ll start crying if you don’t give him what he wants. lord muzan understands that he doesn’t have the final say here, that he will do nothing but lay there and take it when you give it, if it’s even to be had at all. it’s upsetting him almost as much as it’s arousing him.

even as you make the decision to stop teasing you draw it out for another minute just to watch him genuinely tear up as he re-realises his utter lack of control over the situation, turning his face away once more with the shame of it all, fisting his hands in the futon to stop himself from reaching for his erection. you can bet he’s wishing he were not so weak, so maybe he could flip you over or forcibly pull you on top of him. realistically he knows that it’s wiser to be safe rather than sorry. he does need gentling, no matter what he has to say about it. he was sickly and that was that. unluckily for him his reality is not so forgiving and he can do nothing but simply lay there, eyes fluttering and toes curling, least he completely tire himself out and end the fun before it truly begins. he’s unpleasant enough that he’s acting like being serviced burdens him. he’s a nasty, spiteful, arrogant little man— it’s a lot of fun to grab him and handle him how you please, to listen to him stutter and pretend he doesn’t like how disrespectful you can be to him. it gets you off to put smart mouthed, cocky pricks like him in their rightful place— and he had been a nightmare for you before you’d seduced him. it was nice to watch him squirm.

he leans up on shaky elbows as you finally get on with it and tug his lower half onto your lap, his backside flush against your crotch. he licks his lips in anticipation, looking up at you behind his lashes, stuck together in wet tufts. he’s devine. you had heard that when you met the devil that it would be beauty unlike you’d ever seen. you slide your hand up his thigh, the once white canvas of his skin littered in your affections, using your other to position yourself at his raw entrance. “shall we use our manners?” you murmur, transfixed by the view.

he shudders and bares his teeth as if he had fangs to show, defiant as ever. “you would subject me… to further torment? know your place.”

“i deeply envy you for thinking this to be torment… you spoiled, wretched thing. i know my place, muzan-sama. matter of fact, i have a spot waiting to be filled right now, if only his lordship would behave himself and do as he’s bid.”

he clenches his fists in anger and attempts to slow his ragged breathing, his infamous temper rearing it’s head. “i am not some… whore that you can order about. you worthless commoner...”

“you really do want me to treat you roughly, don’t you?” you laugh. he splutters to form some feeble excuse or insult you care not for. he gasps and is effectively silenced as you let yourself breach him, just a small bit. not nearly enough to satisfy but enough to burn a virgin like himself.

“you have no discipline. it’s no surprise. that’s a little taste of what you want, muzan-sama. i’ve serviced you well, so i’ll tell you just this once more… to be polite to me.”

you wonder if he’s hearing you at all as he bites his lip to restrain himself, craning his neck to gawk at where you’re connected, like he can’t believe what he’s seeing. you’ve got him hook, line and sinker. “uh…”

“i’ve been good to you. so you’ll be good for me, won’t you? does his lordship find these terms agreeable? or shall we stop so i can show him what happens to ungrateful brats like himself?”

“you… you scourge…” he whimpers, falling back onto the futon, weak as a lamb. “fine. will you just… ugh… please?”

“better,” you purr. what goes around comes around and you are determined to teach him this, so you reward him and slowly push in. his jaw drops as you do, his eyes squeezing shut. you barely stop yourself from cursing at the heat of his insides— it’s like hot iron, no doubt an effect of his own fever and sickness. when you’re finally fully sheathed inside him you grip onto his hips hard enough to bruise, hunched over him and taking a deep breath as to not lose yourself to this insidious pleasure. you’ve fucked a few people before him and not once did it feel this good. you need a second.

you’re kissing him before you can think better of it. at first he wrenches his head away but you insist, you follow him and he has nowhere to go. he has to give up the play, allowing you to lick into his mouth with a groan. he submits and embraces it, letting you ravage the kiss and have your fun. it’s easy to let everything else fall away and inevitably he does start to writhe, panting and whining like a dog, bucking impatiently. you don’t begrudge him for his unbecoming behaviour— frankly you’re just happy he didn’t bite you. feeling like you can move without orgasming humiliatingly early after all your talk, you plant your forearms on either side of his head and get serious. it takes all your focus and you can kiss him no longer, the two of you only moaning into each other’s mouths as you thrust into him, staring into each others eyes.

you’re holding back. he had told you to not treat him like glass and everything in you is compelling you to go faster, harder— but you know it would be too much. muzan is practically sobbing under you from this alone, having taken hold of your arms to ground himself, his nails digging into your tender flesh. whilst he’s not as fragile as you thought he’d be his condition doesn’t exactly leave room for how rough you’d like to be with him. he can’t even keep his legs around your waist and the man can barely walk on a regular day— there’s no way he could handle the brutal fucking you want to give him, no matter how much he deserves it.

still, slow does not equal gentle.

you intently watch his expression as you snap your hips into him, each thrust jerking his entire body, eliciting sharp cries. he looks like he’s in pain despite all else telling you otherwise and before you know it he’s been shoved halfway off the futon and onto the hard flooring. that will not do for his lordship and you have to stop to his utter dismay. “no, no,” he begs. “keep… please, please don’t, i’m—“

“enough of that,” you hush him and he whines as you situate yourself back onto the soft mat, guiding him back into position. you’re his caretaker before anything else so you ensure he’s comfortable before continuing and you decide that you want him on his side. his back could probably benefit from a break anyway. nothing is stopping you, least of all him, so you keep him where you want him, hoisting his dangly leg over your shoulder and pushing back inside him without flair. it’s possible this is a better angle than the previous, his hairless chest and nipples peaking out of his bed clothes, skin slick under the faint rays of moonlight. he’s entirely pliant now and buries the sounds he’s making into the mattress, clawing weakly at it. you fuck him nice and steady, sweat dripping off your chin. his dick is rock solid where it lay between his thighs, ruddy and wet with neglect. you wonder if you’re fucking him that good that he’s forgotten about it all together. if the way he shouts when you play with it has anything to say about that he most absolutely did.

“yes, yes, yes…” he chants between gasps of your name, his entire being gaining a frantic edge to it. “keep… yes, keep doing that— yes!”

“muzan-sama, someone will hear…!” you laugh breathlessly under his increasingly frenzied yelling, feeling embarrassed at the mere idea of someone rushing in to his aid only to stumble upon this scene. you’re still delighted that he’s become so vocal, thanks to you. muzan’s hand shoots out to grip your wrist and his insides tighten like a vice around you, so abrupt and unexpected it proves too much and it’s your turn to be way too loud for this hour of the night as you snowball into what might just be the best orgasm of your life. you grunt and swear as it seems to go on and on, draining you for everything you’ve got. if muzan struggles to get around on a good day he was going to be royally screwed tomorrow. his release has him dead silent, his pretty eyes rolled back into his head in rapture. a near scream comes out of him as he snaps out of it and quickly comes down from the peak of ecstasy, his body rattling in the aftermath. he gawps up at you like you hung the moon and stars in the sky, cheeks tear streaked and awe etched in his features. you’re still not finished, you have another few thrusts in you and he encourages you with his body, through the steadily increasing overstimulation. muzan gave himself to you and demands the same in return, doing what little he can to coax every drop of pleasure out of you, to take it all for himself. he can be a right little incubus when he wants to be.

“you must… stay with me,” he tells you after you collapse on top of him, voice hoarse. you hum your agreement into his neck and lazily lavish on it, sucking on it like a leech, listening to him hiss and keen. whether he’d wanted you to stay or not you would have been laying with him for at least five recovery minutes anyway. you’re still inside of that hot inferno and when you make an attempt to pull out he sucks in a sharp breath and latches onto you so tight it startles you. “no. stay, just… just a little longer.”

muzan certainly doesn’t have to beg or convince you. you settle back between his legs and go back to marking him up, feeling how he softly sighs and sags in sheer relief underneath you. your duties, your family and the entire village has completely left your thoughts. making muzan happy is all that matters to you in this singular moment. he’s the worst of the worst, in every capacity… and it doesn’t bother you at all.

“i’ll stay until sunrise, if his lord asks it of me.” you admit.

muzan wraps his arms around your shoulders and cards his trembling fingers through your hair, pulling you up to face him. he’s smiling at you for the first time and his touch cannot be described as anything other than possessive. “you will, then.”

he kisses you this time, all teeth.

yes, you think— you will.

[polahusband]

Project Sekai Character Tournament - Round 2

Saki Tenma

Saki was born with a weak body. Because of this, she was hospitalized throughout middle school. Her older brother, Tsukasa, took care of her during that time. At the beginning of the main story, she has become healthy enough to return to school. Saki is determined to enjoy her youth and experience all the things she couldn't while she was in the hospital. Due to this passion, she sometimes overworks herself and falls sick. Saki and Tsukasa's mother is a piano teacher.

Saki was childhood friends with Ichika, Honami and Shiho. However, she lost contact with them during middle school, since the hospital was too far away to visit. When she returns for her first year of high school, she is surprised to see that their old friend group has drifted apart. She becomes determined to bring the group back together and play music with them once more. With the help of Ichika, Miku, and Luka in the School SEKAI, Leo/need is finally reunited.

As a first year, Saki was classmates with Ichika and Haruka in class 1-C. As a second year, she is classmates with Shiho and Emu in class 2-B. Saki was also a member of the Sports Festival Executive Committee alongside Haruka and Emu.

Honami Mochizuki

Honami is smart, athletic, and kind. She takes the feelings of others into consideration, is willing to listen to classmates' troubles, and wants to help other people around her any way she can. She often dwells on issues presented to her, trying to think of the best way to resolve it.

However, her kindness towards everyone has led to others viewing her as a bootlicker or a people-pleaser, which led her to isolate herself from her friends in middle school, in an attempt to avoid more judgement. She can become nervous and indecisive when faced with disagreements, afraid to make the wrong choice and upset everyone involved.

Honami has gradually gained more courage since her experiences in middle school and overcome her fear of disagreements. In Don't Let Doubts Hold You Back, Honami is able to be assertive to her classmates and encourage others to be compromising and understanding, and in Putting Feelings Into Words, Honami convinces Shiho to lean on the band for more support, instead of bearing the burden all by herself.

Honami has a great interest in astronomy as she teaches her childhood friends how to stargaze and has a great knowledge about constellations. She also loves to eat apple pies, often buying a comical amount of them.

[fenicenera83]

I often go back to read random passages from Blood and Gold again, not only because it is my favorite book in the chronicles, or the story of the character I love most, but also because I always find something new to think about. I love Marius, but I am not as rational as he is, although I share with him the trait of making, often times, wrong choices when it comes to following my heart.

I can't examine myself as carefully and precisely as Marius does when faced with these errors, and that's okay. I was just thinking, and precise is my personal feeling in rereading these pages, that a lot of what unites Marius with Pandora and Bianca stems precisely from the role they have shared over time as custodians of the progenitors. Let me explain further. I do not want to say, as some people do who feel compelled to denigrate one ship in favor of another or who create off-the-wall theories (😆) to prove how their ship is more valid, that Marius did not love Pandora and Bianca. I am not a fan of either of them, but this is a sentiment of mine that is not reflected in my favorite character who is Marius. As much as I personally do not love either of the two with Marius, I know very well that he loves them and has always loved them. However, I see how some fans interpret the fact that when Marius is alone, he always often recalls the need for Bianca or Pandora's company, thus justifying the fact that he loves them more than Armand.

I guess everyone can see this in whatever light they want, hence my personal view on this. Marius always protected Armand from Akasha, as if something in him knew that she would not accept him. And from here again, a thousand ideas can go, why? Did Akasha not approve of Marius being more devoted to Amadeo and his school than to her?

Does Akasha know Amadeo believe in only one God and would he never accept Akasha as the deity she believed herself to be? We know from TVA the frustration and fear mixed with indecision and protective instinct that Marius shows in the face of Akasha's silence about Amadeo. None of this is there for either Pandora or Bianca. And in fact Amadeo shared more with Marius than anyone else, as is reported not only in TVA but also in TQOTD, Marius and Armand shared their souls, bared their souls to each other. But there is precisely one thing that Armand never shared with Marius, being the other guardian of the progenitors.

That is why I think that Marius in some moments of Blood and Gold recalls more the lack of Pandora or Bianca, because they both know the burden, the responsibility, the care and the inner struggle, as well as the 'isolation and the weight that that role puts on the shoulders of those who fill it. Of course neither of them can really understand the 'immensity of that role because only Marius has been carrying it on his shoulders the whole time.But he has shared with Bianca and Pandora a part of that journey. And that in his loneliness I think influenced him to think about the two of them. I say all this, without wanting to take away from the importance of the feelings that unite Marius with Bianca and Pandora, I will have my preferences, but I always try to be objective.

But I think it's not fair to leverage those moments when Marius talks about Bianca and Pandora to denigrate Marius/Armand or to use them as leverage to push the idea that one ship is more valuable than others. These thoughts of mine are not aimed at that, it is my idea about the dynamics of the relationships between the characters. I think everyone should love what brings them happiness without having to impose or try to make what they prefer more valuable at the expense of something else. I don't feel I have to make the Marius/Armand or the Marius/Daniel the only valid ships in the chronicles or the best. The Canon makes them important and binding, especially after the 'last trilogy, but hey for me just have respect then everyone can do what they want! Love what makes you happy and leave others free to do the same.

[cheolsfae]

Hi! Can you please do lee know current love life?

Sure!

January 25, 2024

*Disclaimer: solely for fun! Please do not take this seriously. For entertainment purposes only!*

Past: 4 of swords, 2 of swords

So remember how last time we did a reading for his love life it was like he was debating between something? Well, he decided to pull back from whatever it was and weigh out his options. He was choosing to still be tied up in it just from more of a distance. He may have been pulling back to gain more insight on the whole situation. Maybe see what was wrong or what's been missing. He may have been asking God/the universe for help in figuring out what to do here. His ancestors may have been trying to reach him through synchronicities or songs or something similar. to guide him into the decision they thought best.

Present: 7 of cups, the emperor

In choosing to do so, it's helped nothing. He has more options than before. Yes, now he has all of these options but what is he to do with them all? He knows what he wants. Something more long term, more solid and steady than what he's previously dealt with. He's dug himself into a bit of a deeper hole than what already was there for him. He's going to be burying his head in the sand. He's tired of all the indecision he's facing. He just wants it all to be over. He craves stability and it's getting harder to come by at this point.

Future: ace of pentacles (reversed). king of wands

An opportunity is being presented to him but, I don't think he's going to take it. He feels like he deserves a whole lot more than what is being offered. Which what the universe will be offering him will be exactly what he wants/needs. He's just not going to want to take it out of fear of the possible consequences that may happen. He's needs this new start, it's for his own good but it's like he just doesn't want it. He just hates the idea of it.

Bottom of the deck: 9 of swords

Our boy is not doing too hot in the love department. So much so that it's causing him a whole lot of anxiety. It's really overwhelming him. He's beyond stressed at this point about it. He knows he's being rushed to make this choice but he's trying to stall it for as long as he possibly can. He really can't keep doing this, he needs to make this decision quickly because whatever it is isn't going to last forever.

*Oracle deck was also used!

[xxrainshadowsxx]

New Elite Chapter 5

I know this is late, but this chapter was a bitch to write. But, I've managed something I'm happy with, so I hope the wait will have been worth it.

As the day of your next scheduled meeting with Mr. Onceler loomed closer, your mind grew ever more scrambled. You’d carefully laid out the pros and cons to both accepting and declining his offer, yet this didn’t bring you the clarity you seeked. No, if anything, it only made you more confused.

On one hand, this would save you. He could keep you from poverty. There were no pretenses with him, no guessing as to what he wanted. He was honest. In the wolf's den of society, true honesty was a rare gift indeed. The truthfulness might be brutal at times, but it was still present.

Could you live with him? Most likely. As insufferable as you often found him to be, he wasn’t vile. You could have conversations with him, and you didn’t even have to worry about minding your tongue; you couldn’t do that with anyone else in the world other than Nellie. He was also young, which was a huge boon for you. Your fears of being forced to marry an old man would be alleviated. 

You could only find one real con; unfortunately, it was a severe problem. Your mother would never accept it. You could lay out all of the explanations Mr. Onceler had given you, as well as any of your own, and still she’d never be swayed. For as much as she often complained you were stubborn, she was even worse in that regard. Doing this behind her back might be so big a betrayal as to cause an estrangement.

You didn’t want that. As much as your mother could annoy you at times, as much as she attempted to dictate your life, she was still your mother. You still loved her. You recognized that she was the way she was because she didn’t know any different. You also didn’t want to leave her alone if this did lead to an estrangement. You would attempt to support her, no matter what, but would she even accept Mr. Onceler’s money? How deep did her prejudices run?

As such, your week was nothing short of agonizing. You felt as though your mind changed at least once an hour, and even sleeping brought no respite; you woke several times in the night, tormented with indecision.

Of course, you couldn’t keep this from Nellie, who was quick to notice and call you out on your new behavior patterns. At first, you attempted to keep it from her, insisting you were fine. But on the third day after Mr. Onceler’s proposition, after she threatened to tell your mother you hadn’t been sleeping, you broke down, weeping in her arms, and telling her everything.

“Nellie, I don’t know what to do,” you moan after your explanation. “He’s offering me more than I could ask for, and I never thought the decision would be mine. And now that it is, I find myself almost wishing it wasn’t. It’s too much, Nellie, what if I make the wrong choice? What if I say no and we never get another shot and we’re left on the street?” you wail.

Nellie sighs heavily. “Miss, you know the choice you want to make. We both know it. You’re just scared of actually making it, if you don’t mind me saying. You’re scared of declaring your decision out loud since you’ve never had that luxury before. But I think you might need to,” she says gently.

Once again, she’s able to articulate your thoughts much better than you can do it yourself. And yet, the fear is still there, causing your lip to tremble. Nellie reaches out and covers your hand with hers. “Talk to your mother,” she advises. “The relationship will be easier to mend if you take steps now instead of hiding this from her until she can’t stop it.” With that, Nellie takes her leave, leaving you thoroughly admonished.

If you said yes, how on earth were you ever going to tell her? And yet, how could you keep it from her? She would hardly fail to notice if gifts came for you, or if you left the house for seemingly unexplained hours to meet with him, and of course, she would be eagle-eyed to his preference for you at any event. If these steps weren’t taken and you announced an engagement without a formal courtship, that would be a scandal to all of New York. You didn’t know if it would be easier to let her know as soon as possible, in which case she would do everything in her power to end it, or wait until an eventual engagement did come, deal with the scandal, but give her less opportunity to ruin the one and only choice you’d ever been given.

Or you could simply avoid it altogether, reject him, and let your fortunes fall where they may. But even with the preference Mr. Hunte had clearly shown you, you couldn’t shake the feeling that Mr. Onceler was giving you the best offer you were going to get.

Nellie clearly thought you were going to accept. That was obvious from her initial advice, and from her insinuations in the following days. Any chance the two of you were away from  your mother’s ears, she’d make some sort of mention that the two of you, together, needed to tell her sooner rather than later. The very thought of doing so made you sick to the stomach.

And before you were ready, before you could make a definitive decision, Saturday arrived, and he would be waiting for you at Central Park. You had to meet him. Whatever you ended up choosing, you felt you at least owed him an answer to his face at this point.

Fate decided to smile a little on you, at the very least. Saturday found your mother bedridden with one of her frequent headaches. While you normally felt sorry for her, today it was a blessing in disguise. It would make leaving the house so much easier. You didn’t like to think of what you were doing as sneaking about, but that wasn’t far from the truth.

You were more nervous than you’d ever been in your life, even more than prior to your debutante, as you had Nellie pin your hair into a hat. Your mind was still split in two, and no last minute certainty came to you. In the face of your choice, your future was murkier than ever.

“I suppose that’ll do, Nellie,” you sigh as she finishes, finding no more reason to stall. You couldn’t be late, you didn’t want him to think you weren’t coming at all, but you also wanted time to slow, even cease altogether. You were beginning to be a little too accustomed to being in two different frames of mind simultaneously.

“Good luck, miss,” Nellie hums. “You’ll make the right choice. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders; it shan’t let you down now.” You simply nod, not trusting yourself to speak.

Before you can talk yourself out of it, you head out the door, being mindful to stay quiet so as not to alert your mother. You keep your head lowered, hoping that the wide brim of the hat you’d insisted on would help give you a little bit of anonymity. If your mother was going to find out about this, it would be much better coming from you than gossiping with the other ladies of New York.

Far too quickly, you make it to the park, and your feet carry you along the path as though they have a mind of their own. And there he is, sitting on a bench, and you still aren’t sure of what you’re going to say.

He stands when he sees you approach, not exactly looking surprised, but definitely pleased. He opens his mouth, but before he can say anything you blurt out, “Why me?”

You can tell that the question catches him off guard, and you didn’t know until you saw him that you needed it answered. You hasten to explain yourself. “There are dozens of girls in New York alone with good names, and I find it impossible to believe all of these families have squandered their fortunes. I can offer you nothing but a name, and with an antagonistic mother, I must be more trouble than I’m reasonably worth. So before I make my decision, I must know. Why are you so determined to win me when you could have anyone?”

He looks utterly taken aback, the first time you’ve seen him in such a state, but he recovers quickly. “I’ve met several upper-class women over the past year,” he says slowly. “When I wasn’t growing my business, I was at some event or another, attempting to bolster my reputation. And all of the single women were exactly the same: vain, vapid, and giggly. They couldn’t string two intelligent words together if their lives depended on it. I confess, it drove me mad.”

You frown slightly at him. “It sounds as if you are an utter tyrant towards women, sir,” you say, your tone turning a bit icy. “It’s a wonder you want to be married at all.”

“I’ve already explained my reasons for needing a marriage. I’m not going to repeat myself,” he huffs. “Now, back to the point at hand. As for why I chose you, you were the first socialite I’ve met who had brains along with a pretty face. I would like to be able to come home at the end of the day and be able to have an intelligent conversation with my wife. You may delight in insulting me, but I would take insults and wit over vapidity any day.”

“I still believe you’re being too harsh,” you sniff. “I’m hardly more intelligent than my peers. I’m just worse at controlling my tongue than they are.”

His lip curls into an amused smile. “Perhaps. But I’m not guaranteed their tongues would loosen upon marriage, or if I really would be marrying someone completely useless. With you, I know exactly what I’m getting myself into. Now, I have given you my answer. What is yours?”

You can feel the word ‘no’ rise to the tip of your tongue. Now that it’s come down the moment you’ve been dreading, it suddenly seems very easy. You simply can’t face estrangement from the only family you’ve ever known to gamble your lot with who remains essentially a stranger.

“Yes.”

The word flies out of your mouth before you’re fully aware of what you’re saying. And when your mind finally does register the enormity of what you’ve just done, you almost take it back.

But you can’t. You can’t make the words come out of your mouth. And now that you’ve accepted his offer, you don’t want to take it back. And for the life of you, you cannot fathom why not.

Mr. Onceler, however, seems to either not notice or he’s choosing to ignore the chaos you’ve just caused inside yourself. The first real smile you’ve seen from him splits his face, which only further solidifies your decision, before he’s able to school his features back to neutrality. “Excellent,” he says simply, but his façade has been broken, even if just for a moment. He was genuinely happy.

Which makes you feel guilty when you know you’re about to dampen his enthusiasm. “We should probably decide quickly what we’re going to do about my mother,” you remind him. “She’s not going to like this. And we can hardly keep a formal courtship a secret; she’s bound to notice. Unless you were planning on keeping the entire courtship a secret until a possible engagement and cause a scandal, which I sincerely hope was not your plan.”

“For starters, I don’t plan on having a long courtship before getting engaged,” he says, the devilish smirk returning to his face. Insufferable as ever. “And while I don’t feel the need to have a formal announcement, I would like some of your attention at any events that might come up. As long as your mother is sufficiently distracted, I should be able to steal some of your time.”

“And how do you propose to keep her distracted?” you huff impatiently. “My mother still treats me like a child. She watches me close as a hawk.”

“Fortunately, I have a friend who’s more than willing to help,” he grins. “I’ve already learned that this friend is quite good at distracting your mother, as well as anyone else who happens to be in my way.”

You’re about to ask what on Earth he means, but the answer dawns on you before the question falls from your lips. Mrs. Ryan. Of course. Any time he wanted your attention at the last event, she had initiated a conversation with either your mother or Thomas Hunte, leaving Mr. Onceler free to steal you away. While not a foolproof plan, it was something, and Mrs. Ryan could talk for hours. As long as you weren’t overt, you might just get through your courtship without your mother suspecting a thing.

“I suppose that can work,” you acquiesce slowly. “However, if she does begin to suspect something, I would like to tell her, before she hears it through gossip. And we must say something if we do get engaged. If she hears that from someone before we go to her, it will cause an estrangement. I would like to avoid that at all costs.”

“Of course,” he agrees, though there’s still a twinkle in his eye that you’re not sure how to interpret. “I shall defer to your judgment in regards to your mother. I’m not trying to make an enemy of her, but I must say, I hold you and your opinion in much higher regard. You’ve somehow escaped the usual socialite curse, despite your upbringing. That gives me hope that your mother will eventually see sense.”

You wish you shared his optimism. You knew that when you said yes into entering this courtship, your mother would be furious when she inevitably found out. You can only hope and pray that your circumstances would prevent her from cutting you off altogether. You couldn’t bear losing her like that. Which reminded you of something…

“I should be getting home,” you murmur. “She doesn’t know I left. I don’t want to raise her suspicions so soon.”

“Allow me to escort you home?” he asks, offering his arm to you. You almost decline before remembering the deal you just made. Courtships were meant to lead to engagements. To end one could permanently damage your reputation. You didn’t want to give him any reason to end things, and thus, you had no reason to not accept his offer.

Therefore, after just a moment’s hesitation, you place your hand in the crook of his arm, allowing him to lead you out. You say very little, but the silence is comfortable rather than suffocating. Your thoughts were loud enough; you didn’t think you could handle a full conversation.

It seems like a very short time indeed before you reach the door of your home. You glance up at the windows, but your mother’s bedroom still has the curtains drawn tight. You let out a small, almost inaudible, sigh of relief.

You turn to Mr. Onceler, expecting a goodbye. “I hope I shall see you soon,” he murmurs, and you lift the back of your hand for him to kiss it.

He doesn’t. Instead, he bends and places a soft, swift kiss to your cheek. Before you can even process what on earth just happened, he puts his hat back on his head and walks down the street, leaving you beside yourself.

You lift your hand to the spot where his lips had touched, as if they had made a mark you needed to cover. You can feel your face burning crimson. A kiss on the back of the hand was one thing. A kiss on the cheek was something different entirely, and for him to be so brazen as to do it in public… oh, you could just melt from embarrassment right where you stood.

Oh, Lord, what were you going to do if someone saw that? There was no way it wouldn't get back to your mother, and such an ostentatious display would mean you would have to marry him sooner rather than later to protect any shred of your dignity, whether she liked it or not. No one else would risk another courtship, much less an engagement with you, if that went through the gossip mill.

And a small, nagging part of you wonders if that's exactly why he did it. For as much as he parroted that this was your choice, he was marking you as his. That choice, which you still weren't 100% certain of, was now permanent.

You're still standing, frozen as a statue, when Nellie opens the door a crack. “Miss! You must get inside,” she hisses. You blink, then manage to turn and slip in the house.

“Thank goodness,” Nellie breathes as she closes the door. “I've been checking every five minutes for you for the last half an hour. The mail came, and I'm not sure how much longer I could have stalled from bringing it to your mother.”

“Why didn't you?” you question as you take off your wrap. “I hardly think that delivering the mail would cause such a fuss.”

“You'll want to hear this first,” Nellie insists as she presses an envelope into your hand. Your curiosity piqued, you take the letter out and shake it open. Your eyes scan over its contents, though it takes a few read-throughs for the information to fully sink into your mind.

“Oh,” you say softly as you finally grasp the reality of the situation. The letter was an invitation for a ball for you and your mother to attend, your first major event since your debutante.

And the ball was being hosted by the Hunte's.

“What was your decision?” Nellie whispers. “Is this… going to be a problem?”

“Yes. It will,” you confirm. “I agreed to the courtship, but we both decided to forgo a formal announcement. If my mother finds out before we're fully engaged, she will try to stop it, no matter the harm it could do to my reputation. We had a plan in place to stay quiet at events, but if Thomas Hunte makes an offer to my mother, she will accept. And it would rock l all of society, trying to smoothe over the kind of scandal that would cause.”

“I told you, you should have already spoken with your mother,” Nellie chides. “How much damage could she do, realistically? You've already accepted his offer of courtship. Could she really change that when you've already given consent?”

You nod grimly. “If I stay in the courtship after she denounces it, or declares that it was made without her prior approval, I fear she would never speak to me again. I must wait until this reaches an engagement. She would not risk breaking something that big. That would ensure our destruction. And then, I'll just have to try and convince her to stay private with her displeasure.”

Nellie sighs heavily. “Well, you must do what you think is best. I just hope that this will not turn into a situation you regret. I still say you're playing with fire.”

“I know I am,” you murmur. “I realize how delicate the situation is. And I'm doing my best to manage it. But if I had done things the way she wanted, we might have been left off worse than we are now. How many other men would agree to a marriage after realizing I barely have a dowry. How many others would agree to support my mother for the rest of her life? He's giving me more than I knew to ask for, and keeping our financial worries discreet. I would've been a fool not to accept.” As you speak, you realize you're not just convincing Nellie, but yourself as well. And it is working. At this moment, you feel very assured in your decision.

Why you feel that way, however, you aren't entirely sure. By all rights, you should be feeling worse than ever. You knew you were going to be coming up against extremely challenging weeks, perhaps months; however long it took him to propose. You didn't like lying; you had never given much of an opportunity to practice.

And yet, there was some comfort given to you, this overwhelming feeling that you would come out alright on the other side. Despite your mother's best attempts to squash certain things out of you, you'd always been an advocate for women being afforded more rights than they were often given. Now that you'd met someone who was giving you even a small taste of freedom to make your own choices, you found yourself clinging to it. With Mr. Onceler, you might have a small chance of having a bit of a say in your own life. With that in mind, you turn back to Nellie.

“Nell, whatever you say, I've made my choice. I've never been allowed to do that before,” you attempt to explain. “My new courtship, as fragile as some of the conditions surrounding it are, is at least giving me choice. I must keep it. It is a blessing that I had not realized I desperately craved.”

Nellie sighs heavily again. “You know you always have my support,” she begins slowly. “So, I shall help you in whatever way I can. If this is so precious to you, I shouldn't like to see you lose it.” She chews her lip, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “It's just… do you love him?” she asks in a whisper.

It's your turn to let out a sigh of your own. “No,” you state blandly. “But I don't need love. I never imagined marrying for love. He's giving me security, which is the most important thing, and even a little bit of a voice. And though he vexes me from time to time, I believe I can live with him. It's more than I expected. I shall not be so selfish as to wish for love on top of everything.” You give Nellie a quick hug, something you'd never do if your mother were there, but you couldn't be bothered to care at present. The confidante Nellie was to you was priceless.

And whatever happened next, she would stand with you. It was a rich thing, to know you wouldn't be going into this alone. For it was indeed into the unknown that you were surely travelling.

[hwnglx]

Could u do a reading for soobin and Huening Kai dynamics please? Thanks! :)

soobin + huening kai's dynamic based on tarot, take it with a grain of salt

what is their dynamic like?

10ofp, 6ofsw&9ofsw+aceofp&world, 2ofswrx, 4ofw, 3ofp

aw.. these two are like a tightknit family. i'm getting very sweet, heartwearming and comfortable vibes from them. i can tell they have been through a lot of hardships together. were they close as trainees? they seemed to have shared many of their worries, fears and anxieties during their early days and walked down the strenous road to debuting together. i think they were there for each other in a time of indecision, insecurity and overwhelming worry. that gives them a very unique and special understanding of each other. kinda like the friend that understands you like no one else. the one that can finish your sentence before you do. they're just truly happy being around each other. they're glad they've been able to move to a more stable and joyful place together and can now enjoy the happiness that comes from being colleagues with one of your best friends. such a cute duo, honestly.

how does soobin feel towards kai?

star, 3ofwrx+5ofc&fool, aceofsw, 6ofsw, hieroph

oh i can tell he cherishes kai a lot. soobin seems very protective of his happiness and his wellbeing. he wants to be a source of healing for his bandmate and be there for him when he needs a shoulder to lean on. i can tell he just really values him a lot, idk.. he sees him like a precious star that needs to be cared for? there might've been times in which he felt frustrated because of miscommunications. i think he feels a lot of responsibility as a leader and can often feel the pressure to do everything right. he's afraid to do any of his members wrong. and since he's especially fond of kai (i was asking myself is this boy the maknae and he is, makes sense!), there seems to be some regret lingering in him concering some choices he made in the past. but they've all moved on now. soobin seems to have learnt from whatever failures he felt like he's done, and gained a lot of wisdom and maturity compared to before. he's at a place where he can give his members a lot of advice. he enjoys being a strong and knowledgable leader for his group now, which kai also seems to appreciate a lot.

how does kai feel towards soobin?

8ofc, 5ofp, 4ofp, devil&aceofc, 2ofsw&3ofc

yeah, there seems to have been a period in which they were more distant at first. i feel like this might've been a tiring time for the entire group, like it wasn't just the two, but it was especially difficult for kai because he has tendencies to guard his emotions and not express them in an overly open manner. he feels a lot, but can get uncomfortable sharing those emotions, which is a bad habit he seems to have struggled letting go of in the past. this habit caused the two to not communicate in a healthy and honest manner.

it does seem like he was able to open up his heart more as time went on though. he was able to embrace the positive outcome that resulted from that. he really seems like a very emotional person to me, so i think having soobin in his group helps him balance his intense feelings out. kai feels like the leader understands him and guides him whenever he's feeling unsure of what decision to take. soobin is able to bring out the more optimistic side in the maknae, and helps him get out of his head. there might be a tendency for him to overthink, so it seems like soobin is good at spotting that and bringing him back to reality. like, these two just complete each other so nicely. they really seem like brothers to me, with the way they seem to just get each other. very sweet energy 🤍

[ruvviks]

OOOH HEHE. page & two for vitali, ace & two reversed for vincent and seven & nine for mikhail <3

oc asks!

[SEVEN] - Are they secretive? If so, what about? Is it something small, or something serious?

mikhail isn't necessarily very secretive but he also isn't one to tell a lot about himself unprompted. many of his friends have gone years without knowing he studied medicine in uni and is now a year of studying away from a phd LMAO

[NINE] - Are they an anxious person? If so, what makes them feel that way, and how intense do their feelings get?

mikhail is very anxious but specifically about his relationships with his friends :( he's always hyperaware of his own behavior and mannerisms and everything he says and does and is constantly trying to make himself smaller to not take up too much space, terrified he will end up pushing people away

of course this goes better over time and nowadays it's barely noticable anymore but the fears are definitely still 100% there. especially when meeting new people he tries to make a lot of effort to be likable in a way that he thinks will appeal to them but he tires himself out so fucking fast like that :((

he's also always constantly worrying if he's bothering his friends. overanalyzing every single little thing that happens or that's said to the point he believes he did something wrong. it's a setting he can't seem to turn off in his brain despite being hyperaware of what he's doing to himself </3

[ACE] - Do people consider them sharp/witty? Are they quick to adapt to social situations?

vincent can be pretty sharp when he's comfortable in a situation! also when he's uncomfortable but then it's more sharp as in alert and a little paranoid or on edge. when he's comfortable it's a lot easier for him to mix into a conversation and make funny well-timed remarks because he's in the flow of the conversation :^) in those situations it's a lot easier for him to adapt to sudden changes in environment or company

[TWO, REVERSED] - What confuses them the most? Is it something literal, or a broad concept?

vincent is very easily confused when people are unclear with their instructions or intentions. he likes getting direct answers to his questions or when people ask him questions he likes it when they're clear about it and not secretly asking something else within the question or whatever. same with just general communication, as soon as someone seems to be playing 5d chess while he's simply trying to talk something out normally he can get very frustrated

[PAGE] - Are they a curious person? If so, what are some topics they would like to learn more about?

vitali is pretty curious but more in the sense of listening to other people's conversations and learning more about them and their interests rather than actively researching stuff himself. he enjoys listening to his friends rambling about literally whatever and the information they tell him actually sticks in his brain, but he's not the kinda guy who goes scrolling through wikipedia for fun he does NOT have the attention span or the patience for that

[TWO] - Are they indecisive, or do they know what they want when they want it? If they are indecisive, what do they do to help make a choice (e.g, talk it out, flip a coin, etc.)?

this one is fun because vitali can usually very easily make decisions. he HAS to because he's a fixer and he has to think and act quickly on almost a daily basis to keep his mercs safe and to take new gigs from clients and such. he's good at analyzing people and situations which helps with making decisions quickly so Usually it is not a problem at all

however when he's caught off guard by something it can cause his whole brain to reboot and then he will not know what the fuck to do. very obvious example here would be the whole situation in the broker fic where he doesn't know how to deal with the broker anymore because there's entirely too many things happening at once for him :( whenever things are too personal for him or involve his loved ones his emotions can get in the way to the point he starts overthinking everything which makes it a lot more difficult to get things done

[cosmicjoke]

So my last post got me thinking about one of the recurring criticisms I often see leveled at Levi, and that's that he "doesn't make any of his own decisions". These people who claim this often site Levi's "reliance" on Erwin to make choices for him, claiming further that Levi is "afraid" to make choices because of a fear of being responsible for the loss of people's lives. They also criticize Levi for his supposed inability to save anyone's life, decrying him as a "failure" because he's the last veteran scout left alive in the end, as if he failed to save anyone's life because of some sort of lack of character on his part, or weakness. Never mind that most of the vets that died did so under their own volition, because they chose to put themselves in a position to die. That isn't Levi's fault. And again, that goes back to what is going to be my main point, that Levi respects others agency.

But these kind of claims always particularly piss me off, because they're just blatantly false.

Levi makes plenty of decisions on his own, for one thing. His choice to follow Erwin in the first place is a choice. He chooses to follow Erwin's orders because he's decided that Erwin is someone worth following, as someone he believes can see beyond what he can. But he gives orders to his soldiers in the midst of combat, on his own, like during the Female Titan arc, or the Uprising arc. He decides, without Erwin's input, to make the 104th his new Special Operations Squad, he decides to keep pursuing Eren after he's been kidnapped by Kenny, at the possible cost of Erwin's life, he goes after Reiner during the RtS arc without orders, and proposes a plan of action to take down the Beast Titan when he thinks Erwin has no answers. This is all before he also takes on the burden of deciding for Erwin what he should do, whether to live and pursue his dream, or give up on it and die, along with a hundred other soldiers. All of that doesn't seem to me like someone who's "afraid" to make decisions on his own, or is somehow indecisive. And even if Levi is afraid of losing people (which of course he would be because he cares so much about people's lives), he faces that fear every day and goes at it head on. Him being scared doesn't make him indecisive or paralyzed. Again, he makes plenty of decisions, ones which lead to him losing his comrades. Him being afraid doesn't mean he can't or won't act.

But there's a further point I want to discuss, which is that I think people who make these sorts of claims about Levi don't understand his mindset at all. They mistake Levi's encouragement of others to make their own choices as some sort of cowardice or indecisiveness on his part, but that's all wrong. What it really is, is that Levi is one of the few, if not the only characters in AoT who doesn't, in fact, seek any sort of power, and who doesn't attempt to control things, be that surrounding circumstances or other people. He reacts in the moment, and does what needs to be done, but he doesn't have schemes, he doesn't have plans, he doesn't try to manipulate the circumstances to a desired outcome.

I was thinking about how, with Erwin for example, he seeks to gain and then control Levi's power in order to further his cause of finding out the truth of the world and humanity. Or you have Reiner, Annie and Bertholt, trying to gain and control Eren's power. Or you have Eren, of course, trying to gain control of Ymir's power in order to control the reality of the world, by making it into a desolate landscape devoid of humanity. Or Zeke, trying to also gain Ymir's power and use it to commit a genocide.

Levi is the most physically powerful character in the whole series. He HAS power, more power than a lot of people, and yet he doesn't want nor does he attempt to wield it against anybody. Levi's only interested in using his power to help people, in using it to protect others, if he can. His encouragement of others to make their own choices isn't because of some failing on his part, because he's scared to make decisions himself, but rather indicative of Levi's own, healthy perspective of himself and others and their relationships to one another. Levi isn't interested in controlling anybody, or making anybody do his bidding, or forcing anyone to accept his mindset or habits or notions of right and wrong. He isn't that insecure. He doesn't feel the need to impose his will. Why anyone would take this as a negative character trait it beyond me, unless they just enjoy seeing one person dominate and control another.

I think this also ties into how Levi is probably the most grounded character in that he sees and accepts the reality around him, both in terms of the world's nature and in terms of human nature. He knows how the world operates and he knows how people operate, and he doesn't delude himself into any sort of idealized version of any of it.

I saw someone once say that it's a miracle how Levi is maybe the most level headed and normal person in AoT, and that's true. I think that's really emphasized most of all by how he doesn't try to control or dominate anyone. There's no kind of thrill or sense of satisfaction he gets out of that kind of thing. And no, Levi making threats against their enemies and claiming that he enjoys hurting them isn't a contradiction to this. Levi says those sorts of things only when he's feeling particularly upset, like when Zeke endangered his soldiers in Liberio when he was just supposed to be playacting, or when he's trying to prevent more bloodshed, like against Annie. Again, he isn't that insecure, he doesn't feel the need to impose himself or his will on anyone. It's especially impressive when you realize how easily he could, not just because of his physical strength, but because of his position within the military. And Levi's refusal to do that is indicative of the respect he has for other people. He trusts them to choose for themselves, and further, he believes other people have the right to choose, and that right should be respected. It isn't because he's afraid, it's because he actually cares about and wants other people to have the freedom to decide for themselves.

[no1ryomafan]

Another very specific tangent but I had another very specific realization.

For awhile I was so indecisive on whether or not I’m a “mecha” fan because there’s so many shows I haven’t watched, or just the fact I have a preference for sentient robots even if mecha has a handful of those, but I think I finally come to a conclusion: I *am* a mecha fan because I enjoy the genres history and do want to watch a lot of shows even if they don’t fall under my personal robot preference, since I’m okay with a robot being used to metaphorically represent the pilot as robots or the robot can be characterized through fights even if it’s not in universe sentient- But I still don’t like to be called a “mecha fan” because people will assume “oh you watched this/these shows, your bound to like this one!” Because I am not a fan of having recommendations shoved in my face.

This is a general issue in a lot of fandoms-or quiet honestly, just a people issue lol-so I don’t put the blame on mecha fans specifically, but I noticed this mentality a lot which has turned me off from wanting to watch certain shows. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being passionate about liking a show and encouraging others to watch it, but the issue I tend to see a lot of the time is people just say a show is good without specifying *why*. Not every person will eagerly get into something unless they really have no preferences and will try everything, but if your going to recommend something make sure you *know* why someone likes something and than rec it if you think it’s similar enough.

But even then, I’m not really huge on “oh this show inspired this other show so you HAVE to watch it” because it’s taking away the identities of both individual properties. I see this happen a lot with getter and gurren, the latter becoming a huge turn off for me next to a few other minor factors. I’m sure the show is great, but I don’t like a factor of it’s identity is tied to getter because of its influence when visually it already seems like a different show from Getter. Just because something took a lot of inspiration from something doesn’t mean it’s a carbon copy, so someone is not bound to like one or the other even if they share similar elements because to one person one show might’ve just did it better than the other. (And I have seen this happened with the gurren and getter debate funnily enough, but I also say this from having personal experience with this happening with something else recently)

I also don’t like how with this mindset your assumed you like a show when you actually don’t. I can’t even get into the specifies with this one because I always fear of judgement of which mecha I couldn’t click with given its positive reputation but if the point above wasn’t clear: just because all mecha shows share at least the element of robots fighting and some were direct influences, does NOT mean someone is bound to like or wanna watch every single one. I personally have a lot of mecha I still want to watch but I’m keeping my taste to very specific choices. Mecha as a whole is a niche group as is, but if I can’t find individual communities within mecha I’m less likely to want to try a show. That doesn’t mean I can’t like a show that doesn’t have a fandom-I arguably pioneer the getter fandom in the last two years-but do I really wanna watch a random obscure 70s mecha that only one country remembered and will probably not get a new show if it didn’t get one during the mecha 2000s boom? Not really.

Also I’m just- at a point where I need to watch more 20+ ep anime as is so my ass is NOT gonna be able to stomach larger mecha’s which is why gundam and braves been out of my radar, even if the latter I would probably like a lot. I’m honestly so spoiled with fast pacing that I need to mentally prepare myself for slow burns since I understand some stories need to actually take their time and draw things out because there’s a lot they need to cover-though a lot of the time with longer anime it’s just a product of filler… albeit it’s not the case with mecha given how I don’t think there’s a single accurate manga to anime adaptation besides ig getter arc but more so specific longer mecha’s are episodic-but at the point I am I cannot do that so that limits my options.

But a tldr since I know a lot of people aren’t gonna read this: please do not recommend me mecha unless I ask or your someone I consider a close moot/friend. While I care a lot about the genres history so I want to be as knowledgeable as I can and I plan to watch a lot more shows for potentially years to come, I personally like choosing what to watch since I know more than anyone what I like. Much appreciated.

[taylortruther]

This has probably been said before, but to me it means not having confidence in your decisions because you think something will go wrong if you commit. Like suffering from indecision due to fear. It rings the same as “i never grow up it’s getting so old” and “I’m right where you left me.” Not having the courage to commit to a decision and move forward because what might happen if you do? What will you lose? And in the context of the song, it feels like a realization that has happened after being in a relationship for awhile. And saying “bad things always happen to me so i don’t make bold choices. Bad things will always happen to me, can you stand by me through that? And maybe we can make something better?”

oh i like these thoughts! i also get the sense that it was like, a realization after being in a relationship for some time, deciding it was time to get shit together. but... then i'm confused again. ahhh

[raichett]

May I ask for soft ethubs?

It's a bit angsty but it is also soft, so I hope it meets your expectations!

This flash fic can also be found on AO3.

–

WALL

Bdubs isn’t a quiet sleeper; this is Etho’s first indication that something is wrong. His husband snores, hums, mumbles in his sleep, makes these cute whuffling noises, and is overall a rather loud bed partner. Etho’s used to it by now, of course, time softening his annoyance down to amused and fond resignation, the noises of Bdubs’ dreams a background soundscape to his nights.

He’s not sharing a bed with Bdubs anymore, though. His husband is on the other side of the one block tall cobblestone wall dividing the room neatly in two. His husband is perhaps no longer his husband; Bdubs is no longer Bdubs. He says he is, but then he grins with a smile missing teeth, his face wasted and lacking vibrancy, one eye covered in a patch and the other a scorching red, glowing in the dark of their bedroom.

He hasn’t hurt Etho – yet. It’s surely a matter of time.

Etho should have kicked Bdubs out of their base long ago, when he first went Red. Etho should, maybe, give Bdubs one of his lives, put his husband back on Yellow and keep him for just that little bit longer, delaying – though never preventing – his eventual death. The ache to survive and the ache to love are at war in his chest, and, stuck in indecision, he and his husband are currently performing a dangerous balancing act; Etho with his choices, Bdubs with his bloodlust.

Etho stares up at the ceiling, listening to the night outside. He can’t sleep, Bdubs’ warmth is missing from his side, and in his place a leering phantom lies on the other side of the room, a cobblestone wall that doesn’t even come up to their hips between them, certainly not doing anything to keep the Red Life out, not if he really wanted in. Etho can’t decide whether the wall shows trust or distrust, for it would be so easy to climb over, though Bdubs hasn’t, and yet Bdubs isn’t beside him either, tucked into his side of the bed, trusted enough to share it.

… Bdubs is quiet. He’s never quiet; not while asleep and not when awake. Etho sits up, glancing over, half-expecting to see an empty bed, Bdubs having slipped out like a shadow while Etho didn’t notice, itself a frightful thought. But no, Bdubs is there, lying under his covers and curled up as though into Etho’s side, hugging a pillow in the absence of his husband. Etho’s heart aches at the sight, and then his eyes are drawn to Bdubs’ – squeezed tightly shut, his mouth drawn into a frown, brows furrowed. He’s quiet and trembling a little, his breath puffing out his nose in short and sharp bursts, muffled by the pillow.

Etho swallows. He’s not stupid, or ignorant; it’s not the first time he’s seen Bdubs have a nightmare. Instantly, the urge to go over is overwhelming, reach out hands to wake and comfort his husband, but –

Fear rocks Etho back into place, freezing him on his too-big too-empty bed.

Bdubs makes a noise in his sleep, not quite a whimper, not quite a whine, but something still – vulnerable. Scared.

The wall between them is so very surmountable, and yet it cuts a dark silhouette in the bedroom, reminding Etho that it’s there for a reason.

Bdubs rolls a little in his sleep, biting into the pillow. The moonlight through the window shines on his cheeks as it slips out from behind a cloud; wet.

He’s crying, Etho thinks, stumbling, both in mind and body as he numbly pulls back his covers and leaves his bed, bare feet cold on the floor. He hadn’t thought Red Lives could cry.

Caution and devotion war again in his chest, scrambling his heart and thoughts, but – this time, devotion wins. Etho steps over the wall and comes to Bdubs’ bed. Carefully, he rests a hand on Bdubs’ shoulder – his husband tenses – and starts rubbing his thumb there, massaging into it. How many times has he done this? Pushed his fingers into Bdubs’ knotted muscles, loosening the tension and soreness the builder generates simply by being a builder?

Bdubs’ head turns, his eyes opening, one a milky white and the other a ruby red. “Etho?” he mumbles thickly. He doesn’t lash out, not even in his tiredness, not even when he can’t be sure of who the touch belongs to immediately. Etho has seen the violence brimming through his husband’s veins, knows it’s there, but Bdubs is soft, now, gentle.

“You were having a nightmare,” Etho whispers back. Thoughtlessly, and he only realises now, he has sat on the edge of Bdubs’ bed, bringing them closer.

“Don’t remember,” Bdubs mutters, turning his body fully into Etho. His hand snakes out of the covers, clutches at Etho’s side, fingers pressing in with desperation. “You woke me up,” he says, surprised. “You’re… on my side of the wall.”

Etho, his heart rabbit-fast in his chest, leans in. “Go back to sleep,” he says quietly.

Bdubs tugs at him, not painful, but with his fingers curled like claws. “Stay,” he begs, and it can be nothing but a beg.

Etho lies down next to him, Bdubs shuffling the covers to include him. The bed’s too small, not made for sharing, so they’re right on top of each other. Despite the pallor of Bdubs’ skin, Etho finds that it’s warm. He’s warm. A dead man walking but not a corpse.

Like a starving man, denied too long, Etho wraps his arms around his husband and clutches him tight. Just for tonight, he swears, as Bdubs presses a kiss to his cheek, familiar authenticity, not cruel imitation. Tonight he is my husband again.

[a-d-nox]

Hello !

My initial-y.s

Emoji - ⌛️

Deck - good karma tarot and the game option I choose is snowflake ❄️.

I expect to see myself having tremendous overall change in me likely a new self and I hope to see more games from you in future . I'm excited to do my best in studies 🤗 😌 ☺️ 🙌 😊 🤪

I really don't celebrate Christmas cuz I'm not a Christian but I expect the raise of humanity in the world mixed with love and compassion as a gift to have and give . I don't like having expectations I just give in :) .

And the question I have is

Will I be able to top in my school in 2025 ?

Thanks

gift no. 13

guys, i want to make something clear: i don't want a random emoji - i want whatever emoji correlates to the game option; the emoji is SNOWFLAKE. not a hourglass. you are getting a tarot reading. snowflake means tarot. TAROT MEANS WHATEVER DECK I OWN. i will NOT be going out to buy "good karma tarot" for your reading - you are getting a reading using kim krans' wild unknown tarot.

we shall see about games depending on what time i have in the future. while i do enjoy the games, i am struggling with keeping up with the demand; i am 14 readings behind.

this game is not about christmas, nor is about what you expect to receive. the holiday season is about good will and receiving from the heart.

2 of pentacles rx: i sense a bit of tension in your life from now til 2025 that might cause you to become distracted from your school work. you might find yourself feeling out of balance - be as responsible as possible during this period. keep up with you money, and make sure you pay your school on time. these challenges are likely momentarily, so long as you identify where you may be off track, all will be well.

chariot rx: try to have confidence that you are / will be top of the class in order to become top of the class by 2025. stay focused on your studies and your goals, so that you can achieve this high honor. you need a study plan to keep momentum - impulse control will also be needed as well. make sure when testing that you take your time - being the top of the class doesn't mean being the first to finish a test because it is "easy" - make sure you read everything before for reacting on impulse.

two of swords: inaction is your enemy - do not be indecisive. fear of making the wrong choices will paralyze you and make you stuck long term. don't be afraid to reach out for help when studying or to get advice from teachers/professors. never be afraid of trusting your intuition as well.

shufflemancy: "red nose" by sage the gemini

-a.d.

[ryancrossfield]

overcome self-sabotage

Self-sabotage is a complex phenomenon that manifests when we consciously or unconsciously deny ourselves the opportunity to meet our innermost needs. Often, this occurs because we doubt our capacity to manage these needs effectively. This behavior is not just detrimental to our growth, but it is also an indication that our internal narrative is outdated, limiting, or simply incorrect.

The process of self-sabotage often stems from a negative association between achieving the goals we aspire to and the perceived person we must become to attain these goals. This is made more complex by the discomfort of unfamiliarity. Anything new, regardless of its potential benefits, will initially be uncomfortable until it becomes familiar. Unfortunately, this discomfort is often misconstrued as being "wrong," "bad," or "ominous," when it is merely a psychological adjustment phase.

Psychologist Gay Hendricks refers to this discomfort as hitting your "upper limit," the point at which you've reached your tolerance for happiness. Everyone has this threshold, a capacity for which they allow themselves to feel good. This concept aligns with what other psychologists refer to as a person's "baseline" - a set predisposition that they eventually revert to, even if certain events or circumstances temporarily shift it.

Interestingly, we tend to find comfort in the familiar, even if it does not serve our happiness or growth. Small shifts, compounded over time, can result in permanent baseline adjustments, but they often don't stick because we hit our upper limits. As soon as our circumstances extend beyond the amount of happiness we're accustomed to, we subconsciously find ways to bring ourselves back to a state we're comfortable with.

In some cases, these self-limiting beliefs arise from a need for self-preservation. Perhaps this is why we might prefer the known to the vulnerability of the unknown, why we might prefer apathy to excitement, or believe that suffering makes us more worthy. It might even explain why we think that for every good thing in life, there must also be an accompanying "bad."

To truly heal and move beyond self-sabotage, it's essential to alter these thought patterns. This change requires becoming acutely aware of negative and false beliefs and shifting to a mindset that serves us better. However, this change also demands honesty about our current state. We must love ourselves enough to refuse to settle for less than we deserve.

The greatest act of self-love is no longer accepting a life we are unhappy with. It requires confronting our problems directly, honestly, and straightforwardly. The first step to real change involves writing down everything you aren't happy with, clarifying every problem you face. Whether it's financial struggles, self-image issues, or anxiety, achieving clarity about what's wrong is the foundation for change. At this juncture, you have a choice: make peace or commit to changing. Lingering in indecision only prolongs the state of being stuck.

It's important to recognize that we don't reach a breaking point because of a single or a few negative events. We reach a breaking point when we finally accept that the problem isn't the world; it is how we interact with it. This realization is a beautiful reckoning to have, as Ayodeji Awosika explains, it involves finding the purest form of being fed up and making a commitment to change.

People are naturally guided by comfort. They gravitate towards what feels familiar and resist what doesn't, even if the unfamiliar could be objectively better for them. The majority of people do not actually change their lives until the discomfort of not changing becomes unbearable. This usually means they don't truly face the difficulty of altering their habits until they have no other choice.

One of the significant barriers to doing important internal work is the fear of the consequential life changes. If they confront their unhappiness, it might mean experiencing temporary discomfort, shame, or fear as they start over. Yet, this discomfort is an essential stepping stone towards profound healing and personal growth.

Remember, what you stand to lose in this process is merely what was constructed for a person you no longer are. Clinging to your old life is the ultimate act of self-sabotage, and releasing it is the first crucial step towards real change.

In summary, self-sabotage is a reflection of our internal struggles, outdated narratives, and fear of the unknown. However, with conscious effort, self-awareness, and the courage to change, it's possible to break free from this damaging cycle. The journey may be challenging, filled with moments of discomfort and fear, but the reward is a life that truly aligns with your desires, values, and a true sense of self-love.

[dawningbowstrings]

dragon age ; canon ; froy gutierrez ; cis man ; he/him ― there’s MAEDHON LAVELLAN at the gate, the 27 year old ELF + ROGUE. i heard they make people think of an ever-smiling face, the sharp twang of a bowstring at midnight, pile of books thrown about to find answers that were never written down, half-remembered stories, lime-green glows at dawn, rage left to simmer and burn before it erupts, dark facial tattoos, loving so hard your heart might burst with it, never being seen as a person beyond a pair of ears, but even that might not save them from their destiny.

Pinterest | Canon Choices

Basics

Name: Maedhon Lavellan

Age: 27

Gender: Cis man

Pronouns: He/him

Race: Elven (Dalish)

Class: Rogue (Eventual artificer specialization)

Titles: The Inquisitor, The Herald of Andraste, Third Hunter of Clan Lavellan

Sexuality: Gay man

Appearance:

Height: 5'10"

Weight: 162lbs

Build: Lanky

Hair Color: Brown

Eye color: Blue

Vallaslin: June (The Craftsmaster)

Scars: Numerous, across the entire body with a high number centered around the face after a particularly nasty encounter with shems. Other scars are from early hunts gone bad.

Personality:

MBTI: INFJ-T - The Advocate

Idealistic and principled, they aren’t content to coast through life – they want to stand up and make a difference. For Advocate personalities, success doesn’t come from money or status but from seeking fulfillment, helping others, and being a force for good in the world. While they have lofty goals and ambitions, Advocates shouldn’t be mistaken for idle dreamers. People with this personality type care about integrity, and they’re rarely satisfied until they’ve done what they know to be right. Conscientious to the core, they move through life with a clear sense of their values, and they aim never to lose sight of what truly matters – not according to other people or society at large, but according to their own wisdom and intuition.

Enneagram: 2w1 - The Companion

Basic Fear Enneagram type two-wing-ones fear being unwanted by those they love. They tend to take on a caretaker role to serve others and avoid feelings of insecurity. Basic Desire They desire love and acceptance above all else. They are service-oriented and humble, seeking to help better the lives of those in their community. Companions tend to stifle and repress their negative emotions and personal desires. They may feel internally conflicted as they work to meet everyone else’s needs but their own.

Temperament: Melancholic

The melancholic temperament, is often characterized by deep thoughts, introspection, and a propensity for reflection. A person with a melancholic temperament is typically introverted, detail-oriented, and analytical, often displaying an inclination toward philosophical or intellectual pursuits. Melancholics value order, consistency, and perfection. They are driven by a strong sense of right and wrong and have high personal standards. While this can make them incredibly dedicated, it can also lead to self-criticism or perceived inadequacy when they fall short of their own expectations. Melancholics tend to form deep, meaningful relationships, cherishing a few close bonds rather than seeking broad social networks. They are typically sensitive and empathetic, often going to great lengths to understand and support those close to them. Their introspective nature can lead to a predilection for solitude, and they often need time alone to recharge. They are known for their introspective and often creative minds, as their propensity for deep thought can inspire beautiful pieces of art, literature, and other forms of expression. On the downside, melancholics can struggle with a tendency towards pessimism, and they may be prone to feelings of sadness, worry, or even depression. They can get caught up in overanalyzing situations, which can lead to indecision or inaction. They might also struggle to adapt to new environments, preferring to stick to what they know and are comfortable with.

Positive Traits: Empathetic, forgiving, discreet, loyal, organized

Negative Traits: Reserved, anxious, impulsive, melancholic, single-minded

Likes: The sound of the wind in an aravel's sails, warm water in a bath, the sound of a friend's laughter, dawn across the mountains, the smell of old books, new arrows, ink stains on old manuscripts, the music during Dalish celebrations, dancing, his room in Skyhold, the people of the Hinterlands and their indominable spirit, the stories the Chargers tell over drinks, the smell of the ocean, reading, drawing.

Dislikes: Meetings first thing in the morning, poorly-seasoned food, lying, snow, wearing shoes, mabaris, having a throne, deserts, the humid heat of a summer afternoon, Orlais and its obsession with the Game, being asked to use daggers instead of a bow, not being allowed to cook his own food, religious arguments, rock climbing, the bite of winter air in the mornings, fade rifts hovering in the least convenient locations imaginable, the Fallow Mire, riding horses.

Wordly Opinions:

On Magic:

"I don't have any problem with it. It's just part of the world, like birds or halla. The constants in life are demons, the Fade, and death and that's about it. So, I'm not terribly opposed to it. Doesn't mean I have a gods-damned clue how any of it works and frankly, I don't want to. Can you imagine getting whispered at all night while you sleep by things that don't even exist in our world? No thank you, I'd convert to being an Andrastian before I accepted that, and I'd cut my ears off before I converted."

On Templars:

"I really cannot stand when people think they're better than everyone else because of the size of their sword and their armor. I especially hate when those people that already had an ego problems thanks to their overcompensation for what's between their legs think that the lives of every man, woman, and child they've abandoned matter less than their pride. I despise the templars, but now, with all the lyrium they've subjected themselves to, I feel... bad for them as well. I suppose if you want a chat with Cole, he'll have all the details for you on exactly how I feel."

On Mages:

"Every story I hear about mages makes me think of the Dalish. Of course, the Dalish are a far more interesting group, less prone to hiding and cowering in the corners when someone starts to throw their weight around. And don't even get me started on allying with Tevinter. Despite that, all this? All this humanity? Their world is build on two things: fear of magic and fear of the Dalish. I've got enough sympathy for those circle mages to try and offer them another way. If it goes wrong, of course, Cullen and Vivienne will never let me hear the end of it, so I've got significant motivation to make this alliance work."