#but am i really the only one fascinated by the journey he took to get there?

[kimwexlers-brownhair]

I want to say the fandom should allow for more discussion about the nuances to Logan’s character, but I’m afraid it will sound like I’m defending him. And I’m not! Like obviously he looms over the other characters as uniquely awful in a whole world of awful characters. There’s no denying that. But I’m fascinated by how he got there? It didn’t happen in a vacuum and I think that’s worth exploring? Just like most people, most abusers (MOST, obviously not ALL) aren’t black and white straight-up monsters. We see glimmers of kindness, of humor, of affection from Logan. And they’re not all faked.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but I would just love to see more discussion about him in the fandom that isn’t die old man and that’s it. I mean, yeah, die old man, but before you do, can we explore what makes you tick a little? If we can all apparently forget and never acknowledge what Roman did to the little boy at the baseball game in the first episode and instead focus on how much love he has to give, can we, like, take a sec to mourn the child Logan was, separated from his mother at a crucial young age and subjected to unspeakable abuse by the man supposed to care for him? 

The generational abuse didn’t start with him, but the power and wealth he’s accumulated has put him in a position to abuse with wanton abandon. He was determined not to become the man his uncle was but fate enabled him to far surpass Noah on a global scale. And that’s an incredible tragic villain arc, and frankly I think fans would be more into exploring his story if he were younger and sexier like the golden trio.

[engeorged]

Aster's Maze

Follow up to Obi's Place and Santa’s Otto

Art by @badoobers

Words by @engeorged

I know it’s been over a year since I posted, but it’s been quite a journey for me. One I’m not even sure if I’m ready to talk about. The encounter with Obi changed me somehow and I’m not the same person I was. I can’t quite seem to settle anywhere for very long any more. I feel restless, and to be blunt, like I’m not quite fully present wherever I am.  My mind is always in a different place?

Let me go right back. By now, you’ve probably read about my encounter at Obi’s place. I’m not gonna lie, I was a wreck for a few days. It was like a hangover meets a sausage casing? The amount of food he’d packed in me took days to digest. I was swollen for 72 hours, not really able to do anything but sleep and go to the toilet. (I’ll spare you the details although I’m aware a few of you out there will want them you dirty bastards!!) I didn’t check my messages the whole time but after my last post, a lot of you had reached out to me. Turns out there’s quite a few of these guys around and they don’t fuck about! The pictures you all sent me were quite eye opening! (That's maybe for another post!)

The whole thing felt like a dream, but on reflection I realised it was a pretty good dream. I hate to admit it, but being able to eat that much food was quite a turn on. I tried for months to find him again and ask what he did to me. I’ve not been able to repeat it by myself, and trust me, I’ve tried. I can’t really even eat half of what he put into me. Every few weeks I would sit down in a restaurant or a buffet place and just block the afternoon out and eat as much as I could to see what would happen. Now I’m a big guy (and getting bigger!) and I could probably out eat most people if it came down to it but there’s just no way I can get as full as I did that morning. My belly is definitely increasing in size and capacity but still, without whatever magic he was using I can’t do it again. 

To cut a long story short, I ended up travelling. The few stories you sent me (that weren’t totally nuts) were fascinating, but from all over the world. I’ve been searching for trolls in Norway, piscies in the UK, dragons in china, tikoloshes in Africa. Nothing! Not a single bite. I was starting to believe that maybe it was a hallucination from being so over tired. Maybe the stripes on the road had hypnotised me as I drove or something. 

I’m currently living in Greece for a bit. I’ve pretty much run out and so I found a casual labour job on a building site in Greece. It’s a bit of a shit show to be honest,  but all I have to do is turn up and lay bricks for a few hours in the afternoon and I get paid! The extra bit of timber I’d put on means I break a sweat the second I get up, as even though it’s early autumn, here it’s still 24 degrees by midday! 

It was coming up to lunch time on the site when I started feeling a bit faint. I realised I’d not had anything to drink for a few hours and I was super dehydrated. I grabbed my water bottle and when lifted to my lips, only a few drips came out, so I had a scan of the area and saw a guy with a cart selling gyros and beers. Usually the street food was pretty good around here so I headed over, still wearing my tight high viz vest. As I got close to the stand I started to realise how hot the guy was selling them, now I’m newly ‘out’ and so I don’t still fully know what my type is but I can tell you reader, this guy was everyone’s type. He was stacked, his arms were like ripe watermelons and as I got close I realised how huge he was. I’ve told you I’m 6’5, but this guy towered over me. He must have been 7 feet easily. His hair was everywhere and he had this crazy medallion around his neck with a symbol on it I recognised from somewhere. 

Now, I know my story has ended up on some niche websites and blogs, so I know what you pervs are all waiting for. So here it is. His gut was potentially the hottest thing I have ever seen. It was huge. He was so tall it was practically oval. Firm and round and pushing against the buttons in his shirt. It was like he wasn’t even tempted to hide it. In fact, as I approached, he lifted his arms above his head to stretch which meant that there was a good three or four inches of furry dome poking out from underneath. He looked as stuffed as I was at Obi’s. As I got nearer I started to regret my decision to go over. I must have looked like an absolute state. I was wearing my battered work jeans and fluorescent jacket, covered in brick dust and sweat and I absolutely stank. A 280 lbs slab of man like me working in 30 degree heat is a recipe for funk, and I was dripping with it. He looked up and saw me so there was no going back, I committed and walked up trying to look cool. Something about him made me want to melt into a puddle. I said ‘Yasass’ in my best Greek accent and he replied with a bass filled ‘Hello, how can I help you’ in perfect English. His accent was vaguely British with a hint of Greek overlayed. The rumble of his voice made something shift inside me. I think I was in love. 

I ordered two beers and paid him. Lifting it to my lips, thirst took over and downed one on the spot. I didn’t really want to leave, I wanted to try and get his number or something. I downed the second beer and I could see it must have impressed him as he leant forward in his cart and offered me another. I ordered two and offered him one which he took. We stood chatting about the weather and what I was up to and as we chatted he started putting together a huge gyro full of amazing smelling meat. There was a hint of salad at the bottom but the thing was packed as tight as his shirt. He wrapped it up with his strong hands and offered it to me. I took it immediately and took a big bite, within minutes the thing had gone. It was the best tasting thing I’d ever had. When I finished I realised he’d just been watching me eat it, not saying anything. His dark eyes focussed on me making me feel very seen. He had very keen eyes that looked deep into my soul. (I know how pretentious that sounds, don't worry, but you’ll see I’m right in a minute!)

I jokingly said I could eat another one and before I’d finished my sentence he had one there in his large paw! I won’t bore you with the details because there will be a lot more later but suffice to say I ate 3 of his huge gyros. I was substantially full, my own belly was beginning to push out against my work clothes and I’m pretty sure I lost a button  I offered to pay but he wouldn’t take it. He just said he’d see me again. I went back to work on the site very full and very horny!

I stopped by for lunch every day for the next week and a half. In the evenings I discovered he owned a small but very cool restaurant bar selling the same food but with the addition of a whole selection of spirits and cocktails. It was a full two weeks before I plucked up the courage to ask him out. There was just something about him that drew me in. Reflecting back I don’t know if we actually spoke about much. Even now I know very little about him. All I remember is his huge belly, round and tight, every day staring at me. Perfection in a fursuit. I remember that he had a few piercings. The medallion round his neck had chains coming off it connecting to nipple piercings. He also had a heavy gold nose ring, which, if I wasn’t thinking with my dick, might have been a bit of a clue. I was looking out for whatever Obi was, not whatever he was. And is, I guess? 

On reflection, and with what I know now, he was strategically increasing my already substantial belly capacity for the game. (More on that later) Every meal, he would give me a little bit more food. A bag of stuffed vine leaves here, some baklava there, extra meat in the wrap, a special sauce, larger wraps. Before I knew it I was eating 6 of his gyros twice a day with whatever accompaniments he palmed off on me that day. Every evening I would spend bloated and swollen, nursing my aching stomach whilst thinking of Aster. (Oh I forgot, one thing I did get out of him was his name) I guess I should add that I didn’t twig what was happening in case that’s not obvious. I was bewitched by everything about him to the point where I didn’t realise he was testing me out for something much bigger. 

A few weeks in I had a penny drop moment, I’d just finished my 6th evening gyro and he was making me one more to finish me off. My belly was huge, packed with the supply of food he’d been encouraging me to eat. I was wearing a now painted-on shirt and I was standing in the street at 5pm obediently stuffing myself silly with his street food. I’d gone past full a few gyros ago and it was now simply pushing and stretching my stomach more and more. The feeling of the stretch (as some of you probably know) is exquisite. I’d experienced it fully with Obi and I’d been chasing that feeling all over the world to get to that place of total engorged capacity and it dawned on me suddenly I was there again. Something about that day made me realise I'd met another one of these creatures. Aster wasn’t human. 

I swallowed down my last bite and took the next one from his massive hairy hand. I looked at him properly for maybe the first time. Looking past my own lust and attraction and I saw that he wasn’t quite ‘right’. His hair was shaped in such a way that hair didn’t really grow. His side burns were much more than a side beard and that ring in his nose was huge because his nose was so large and flat. And his belly! No human belly would ever be that size and rounded shape when it was that big. It would be sagging down over his belt, not sitting proudly on top of it defying gravity. I started eating the food he’d made me and asked him outright. ‘Who are you?’ He looked me in the eye and said with a slightly crooked grin ‘Obi said you could eat.’ 

I stood back aghast. He was one of them. I had so many questions. But before I could ask any of them he started packing up his cart. I found myself rooted to the spot while he packed away. I literally couldn’t move. As he grabbed the handles he turned to me and put his large hand on top of my distended stomach and winked. And that’s when I saw it. The little purple twinkle in his eye. With that, he was gone and I was finally able to move. The fullness I was not noticing yet hit me and I nearly sat down on the pavement where I stood but I managed to pull myself together and make it back to the site where I did very little work. He’d fed me as much as Obi had done but without me noticing. And I let him! 

I could hardly wait for opening time at the restaurant that evening.  Still full from lunch,  I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to ask him out or just demand some answers. When I saw him behind the bar, cleaning a glass with a tea towel I knew what I wanted. I marched right up to the counter but before I had a chance to speak he pulled out a single purple rose which he handed me. As I looked at him in the low light, I realised all his confidence had fallen away and he was genuinely a little nervous. Turns out he’d fallen for me too. He ended up asking me on a date. Who knew a 7 foot tall Minotaur would be such a hopeless romantic. (Yeah I just dropped that in. I didn’t know how else to say it really! It is what it is?) He told me that he finished around midnight but that he had somewhere he wanted to take me and would that be alright. I agreed, obviously! And parked myself on a table by the window to wait for him. 

Even though the restaurant was pretty busy, he found time to be quite attentive. Every hour he brought me another rose and a plate of something to eat. By the time it was midnight I had a vase full of flowers and a belly full of Greek food! Bear in mind I was stuffed from lunch and I arrived at the restaurant at 6. So do the math to work out how full I currently am. That’s important for the rest of the story! As the final customers left I watched as he whipped round the place lifting the chairs and sweeping up as fast as he could. It was kind of cute to see how keen he was. When it was all done he explained to me that he wanted to take me somewhere that was special to him, somewhere he thought I would enjoy. He looked a little sheepish but I agreed. We walked through town (slowly I might add, I was basically round at this point) as he held my hand. Not many people can make me feel small but walking around holding this giant's hand was quite humbling. At this point I think my belly was bigger than his but he was still over half a foot taller than me. Being near him calmed my stomach too. It was like I was just pleasantly full when I was near him, not dangerously packed to bursting. We chatted a little bit but we mainly walked in silence, happy in each other's company.

We arrived at a sort of park on the edge of town. There were a few ruins we walked past but we ended up at the edge of what looked like a small cave. In any other setting I would have run a mile but he has been so tender with me I just felt super safe. In the moonlight, at the edge of the cave we stood looking into each other's eyes. He slowly leant in to kiss me and I let him. As he leant back I felt myself rooted to the spot again unable to move. He started walking backwards into the cave and as the dark consumed him he winked again and beckoned me to follow him. After a minute the effects of whatever it was wore off and I was able to slowly walk into the cave. After a few steps I discovered that  it was lit all along by torches and it started to become more of a corridor. There was no sign of Aster but I carried on into the maze. As I walked I felt a little rumble in my stomach. I brushed it off as just digestion starting and kept going. After a few turns it saw a few petals in the ground. The massive softie had left me a trail to follow. 

Eventually, I came across a small recess in the wall with a little table set into it and a candle. I sat down on one of the chairs and Aster emerged from out of the darkness with two heavy cloched plates. He sat down and put the plates in front of us. He pulled the cloches off to reveal a sizeable plate of oysters. I smiled and he smiled back. I found myself inexplicably hungry and went to take my first one, but he leant over and stopped me. He picked up a large oyster and lifted it to my lips. I smiled and opened my mouth and titled my head back. If I’m totally honest I’ve never eaten oysters before but I’d seen it in films. I knew I was supposed to swallow them whole so fortunately I didn’t make a tit of myself. I don’t know if you’ve had them before but I’m not gonna lie, they taste good but they are like swallowing snot! Being fed them was hot though! Knowing I had the full attention of this slab of man was really doing it for me! He fed me a few and then sat back and I did the same for him! Watching his heavy Adam's Apple bob up and down as he swallowed was a surprising new kink I discovered in that cave! 

Suffice to say, it was like time worked differently in that cave. We’d only been there a few minutes and there were a fair few oysters on each of our plates. Maybe 3 dozen each? They didn’t really take long to eat but it felt like we were there for hours. I wasn’t counting the oysters but by the time we’d cleared the plates, my belly had advanced quite a way. Like way more than a few dozen oysters would have done. It was still tight and round but it was a lot bigger and heavier. It appeared that my tank top had ripped at the edges and so I just took it off. Even though we were underground it wasn’t cold so I was happy in just my jeans. 

I looked at Aster and he had the biggest grin on his face. His own belly was beginning to blow out from our oyster binge. I could see even more of his substantial furry belly pushing out from his shirt. I wasn’t sure if he looked taller at that point? Everything about him was larger in some way and he was meatier and hairier too. (Yes every part of him was bigger. I won’t say more than that!) He was absentmindedly rubbing the underneath of his belly curve as he watched me readjust to my new bloated mass. His eyes were both kind and predatory at the same time. We stood there for a little while admiring one another until he winked and shimmered like Obi used to. With that he was gone and the chase was back on. I lumbered on further into the maze of tunnels, my swollen midsection slowing me down considerably. The path twisted and turned as I was led deeper in. 

I couldn’t tell you how long it was until I found him. At first, I began to hear running water and so, for want of any other clues, I followed the noise. The walls of the maze were beginning to look less constructed by human hands and more cave-like, I guess? Stone bricks giving way to actual stone. I even thought I saw a few flashes of gemstones here and there but I was more interested in my next meal. Even though I must have eaten a week's worth of food so far, I was still inexplicably hungry. I don’t know if I can describe how it felt. My insides felt packed full. Like totally solid. There was very little give to my belly. And yet I knew I wanted more. Actually I needed more. The stretched feeling I have when I’m around these guys is something I’ve never experienced before. 

Eventually, the water got louder and louder until I walked through a stone archway and found myself in a cavernous expanse. The sound of water turned out to be an underground waterfall, the water cascading down into a piercing blue lagoon. The ceiling was lit with some sort of glowing insects which were making a melodic rhythmic chirping sound. I searched around the expanse until I found him. He was sitting with his legs in the water next to a fire where he seemed to be grilling fish. It was the first time I’d seen his legs and they were indeed as you would imagine them to be. Covered in thick black hair. I couldn’t see his feet as they were in the water but I am guessing he didn’t have five toes at this point. It seemed that he was becoming more of his true self the closer we got to the centre. I made my way round and joined him sitting by the water. It was one of the most beautiful places I’d ever been. We sat there for a few moments in silence. Enjoying the beauty. I realised after a while that he was holding my hand.  He turned his attention to the fire and pulled out a perfectly grilled fish which he placed next to himself and he began to break off pieces of the succulent meat and began feeding it to me. The fish melted in my mouth. It was so succulent and tender. I ate the whole thing quickly and he brought a second fish over and put his hands back on the floor as a signal for me to feed him. I obliged, tenderly placing it into his mouth. We did this for a while until all the fish he was cooking had gone. He leant forward and I thought he was going to kiss me again but instead he plunged his hand into the water and pulled out more fish. I’m no expert but I know one of them was a Salmon, and a pretty big one at that. And I think there was a rainbow trout and something else sort of blue? We carried on eating and cooking and eating and cooking for hours. The time weirdness means I have no idea how long we were there or how many I ate at this point, but looking at the both of us we were both much bigger. I don’t know if it’s part of the atmosphere or I genuinely ate that much but there it was.  My own belly was enormous. Way bigger than I had been in the diner. His gut was spectacular. Round and hairy and now totally free from his shirt. Bear in mind he was nearly 8 feet at this point.

He reached over and tenderly began to massage my own swollen stomach. His hands, surprisingly gentle, but firm. I closed my eyes and relaxed and basically let him do what he wanted to me. All of my senses seemed to be heightened, every little touch was like a wave of ecstasy flowing across my skin. His smell was heady, strong and potent and filling my nostrils. Eventually, I realised he’d gone but I stayed there for a little while longer. Partly because it was so beautiful but also partly because I could hardly move. 

I pulled myself to my feet, hauling my cantilevered belly up. It was still self supporting and jutting straight out from me into the air. I wished there was a mirror somewhere so I could have seen it properly. I saw an opening in the wall near the waterfall so I followed it through into a darker and more narrow part of the maze. The walls were closer than before and there were a few parts where I was worried I might not get through with my newly ballooned gut. After a while I started to smell the aromatic smell of cooking pork which made me instantly hungry again. I followed the smell and found three doors with a riddle written above it. I can’t remember the riddle but it was something about liars and guessing the way. You can probably guess that I’m not the smartest guy, I’m not dumb, but when it comes to stuff like riddles I’m out. My belly was rumbling loud at this point too so I was distracted. I decided to just listen at each of the doors. Door one I could hear a whistling noise which I reckoned was some sort of drop. Door two was a distinct growling snore. Although Aster was super stuffed I was pretty sure it wasn’t him asleep, and having met some of these guys I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a cute teddy bear behind there! I approached door three and had a listen. I could just about hear a sizzling sound and with the smell of pork I couldn’t handle it so I threw the door open. I wasn’t disappointed! 

The room was a small stone cell with a fire pit sunk in the bottom. On top of it was a decently sized pig on a spit. I couldn’t see Aster so I stepped in gingerly. The door closed behind me and as I turned it dissolved into the wall. There was no way out. I stepped into the room and looked into the shadows at the edges.  And there he was, taller than ever. As he stepped out into the light of the fire I could see he’d changed more. The first thing I noticed were the horns that had now sprouted from the top of his head. They weren’t massive but they were slightly curved and protruding from his thicker hair. The hair wasn’t just thicker on his head either. He’d now taken off his shirt and I could see the extent of it. He was pretty much covered in thick black hair all over his arms and sides. Virtually the only skin visible was across his bloated sphere of a belly. And that had a decent covering all along the bottom of the curve stretching up to a thick happy trail that snaked up to his hairy pierced pecs. The thick gold chain connects to his medallion. 

He spoke with a deep gravelly voice that I could literally feel in my feet. He told me under no circumstances was there to be any pork left before we left this place. Under any other situation I would have laughed. The pig had to be 200 lbs of meat. That would literally have taken any normal person a few weeks to eat. But here, with him, I knew right there that we would do it. I was apprehensive to think about how much my stomach would distend after that but I knew that whatever this place was it would be ok. I walked up to him and put my hands firmly on the sides of his thick belly and looked up. He looked down at me and bent his head to kiss me on the lips again. I smiled and sighed with contentment. Something special was about to happen. 

He pulled back and handed me a sharp knife, and took out one of his own and cut a slab of meat. The juices were rubbing down his arm. He pulled off the crackling and greedily began to eat it, crunching and swallowing it down. He offered me the meat and I eagerly opened my mouth to receive it. It tasted even better than it smelt and within minutes the whole slab had disappeared into me. We continued to feed one another the pork for a while, taking it in turns to slice off large chunks of flesh and sharing the delicious meat. We were soon covered in the stuff, our bellies continuing their rapid expansions. As we progressed, instead of slowing down we began to speed up. We even abandoned the knives and took to simply ripping off our next portions and guzzling down our haul. He fed me and I fed him and we ate ourselves. The boundaries of reality slipped away as we gorged on the meal together. (Yes I know that sounded a bit twatty but that’s how it felt. How many pigs have you shared with a fucking Minotaur?)

We didn’t take any breaks in our gluttony, the pig simply ended up inside both of us. I’d guess Aster ate more, simply because he is a good few feet taller than me but I didn’t notice him actually eating more. By the time the pig was reduced to bones we were both insanely swollen. My own gut was packed so big I couldn’t see anything else when I looked down. The skin tightly stretched over the vast quality of food it held inside itself. If I thought for a second about how much food I contained I’m not sure my brain could handle it. I looked like someone had slipped an air compressor up my arse and turned it on for a good half an hour. Physics had to be different in there because there was no way I’d have been able to stand up without some supernatural help. Looking at Aster, he was the same. Comically swollen, his huge abdomen surrounded by a sea of hair. The only difference between us is that you could still see some of his muscle definition.  The power and strength he contained was tangible when you looked at his animal-like frame. 

Covered in grease and bits of food we sat back admiring each other's new size. I wanna keep the story a touch modest, but he was clearly aroused by our efforts. I won’t go into details because I never kiss and tell, but fuck me he was a big boy! I’m glad there was magic in the site because after what we did next I could have ended up in hospital! 

After we had, erm, cuddled, we lay back with our heads next to one another. Our engorged stomachs stuck high into the air, solid and packed with food, unyielding in their size and volume. We stayed for a period of time and chatted about our lives. Aster clearly wasn’t wanting this to be a one off encounter. He was surprisingly affectionate and romantic for a half man half bull. He wanted to know all about me and my life and what my plans for the future were. It was such a tender moment I could have stayed there forever but Aster had one more plan up his sleeve. He pulled himself up easily and offered me a hand to help me up. I just about managed to get to my feet, helped by his superhuman strength I assume! Kissing me again he led me by the hand into the shadows where we found a new door. Fortunately, it was a double door as neither of us would have fit through anything smaller at this stage. We walked into a vast cavernous space. I didn’t think it was possible but it was even more beautiful than the underwater lagoon where we ate the fish. The glowing insects were back and this time other glowing creatures joined them. Small colourful lizards darted from rock to rock making patterns in the water that filled half the floor. Several smaller waterfalls fed this one, each framed by cascades of glowing plants with brightly shining flowers falling down.  Alongside the water was a long banqueting table covered with food. There were golden bowls and plates full of oversized fruits and bread. Huge slabs of roasted meats and wheels of cheese. At the end there appeared a large ornately decorated cornucopia which seemed to be the source of the food. Aster led me to the table and sat us both down in large oversized thrones. We’d made it to the centre of the labyrinth!

As we sat down, our swollen bellies resting on our legs I realised he had plans to carry on eating. Whatever magic was present meant I definitely felt hungry but there was no way I could physically move to get the food. I was practically pinned down underneath the sheer ridiculous size of my own belly. I was about to say this to Aster when I heard something move in the water. I looked across to see six men emerge from the water. I say men, we both know they weren’t that. If I had to guess I would say they were some sort of water nymphs? They had a pale bluey green tinge to their skin which had a faint shimmer to it as well. They were lithe and incredibly beautiful, their muscles and sinews visible underneath their skin. Their tight shorts left very little to the imagination and their eyes looked as hungry as I felt. They were here to feed us. 

I don’t know whether we were there for a few days or weeks or months. The food from the cornucopia kept coming and we kept eating. Non stop gorging, all enabled by the blue dudes. Their dexterous long fingers feeding us food and massaging our swelling bellies. We both ended up the size of trucks, our inhumanly swollen bellies stretching way past what was physically or morally possible. 

At some point we were done and we were pushed or rolled to the edge of the water. I slipped in and sank heavily to the bottom. Whether I was magically able to breathe underwater or whether I somehow didn’t need to breathe, I’m not sure, but Aster and I were able to move freely under the water. We swam for a while through caverns and caves, snaking away from the maze. When we surfaced we found ourselves on a small island just off the coast of the town. Away from the magical influence of the labyrinth, Aster was back to his more human form and his belly was vastly reduced but still clearly swollen. I was the same, my belly was huge, but it at least was obeying the laws of physics. Again, I don’t want to make the story any more r-rated than it needs to be so let’s say we spent some time with each other there. We needed some time to digest and recover as well. 

Friends, I don’t know whether what happened was a dream or some sort of vision, but I do know I’ve gained 50lbs in a few days. I have a very definite and prominent ball belly now, which I’m not unhappy about. I also have a new boyfriend. Unlike Obi, Aster was happy to stick around, so I do know that something happened. I don’t really want to ask too many questions from Aster because I don’t really mind if it was real or not. I know he’s here and I know we ate a shit ton of food and I know he’s not going anywhere

For the rest of my stories click here

[timemachineyeah]

I really, really need you to elaborate on this note you left on a post. I'm fascinated.

If you don't I'm sure I'll survive but this is an absolutely intriguing concept.

Whoooo, yeah, let's talk about Mormon theology and cosmology!!!

In response to me saying that this is basically Mormon theology, because it absolutely is

(I swear, being raised Mormon, and especially the studious and serious kind, and then leaving the church is like that bit in the first episode of The Office where they think they might be getting shut down and Jim says something like, "I know so much about paper. What I am supposed to do with all this knowledge if I don't work here any more." Like I never got very far in The Office, but I think about that feeling all the time.)

From the book of Mormon, 2nd Nephi Chapter 2:

22 And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end. 23 And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin. 24 But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things. 25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

Also worth noting that Mormons are so opposed to original sin that it's actually the second of the 13 Articles of Faith, which I had to memorize in grade school. The only article that comes before it is the one saying we believe in God, Jesus, and The Holy Ghost.

"2 We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression."

And stealing from the church's official current website on the topic

President Joseph Fielding Smith (1876–1972) said: “I never speak of the part Eve took in this fall as a sin, nor do I accuse Adam of a sin. … This was a transgression of the law, but not a sin … for it was something that Adam and Eve had to do!”

Adam's fall is considered an unequivocal good to Mormons. So this whole take on theology taps into two very import Mormon principles.

The first is "agency", "free agency", or "free will". This basically boils down to: you can't grow, your actions can't matter, if you don't have a choice. The ability to choose is power, and we are here specifically to experience that freedom and to learn how to use it.

This was actually the basis of a premortal war (don't ask how folks without bodies who can't die do a war, I've no idea) between Lucifer and Jesus, because Lucifer wanted to guarantee everyone's salvation by eliminating the ability to choose wrong. The losing side was cast out of heaven and that's where Satan and demons come from!

Here have a musical number about from a VHS I used to watch constantly (in case the link malfunctions, relevant song starts at 10:55)

The second is, "opposition". Basically, things can only exist in contrast. You can only truly recognize something in comparison to something else. Ergo, a world without suffering or sin is also a world without joy or virtue. It is a nothing world. Here, a worse song from the same musical! (starts at 8:57)

By this principle, the Garden of Eden, while wonderful from the outside in retrospect, was not wonderful from within, because Adam and Eve had no frame of reference for it. To them it was just Existence, and as an existence was fairly bland.

Another thing to understand here is that Mormons believe in a premortal existence. We are all, spiritually, as ancient as God is. We've all always existed. Another Mormon principle is one of "Eternal Progress" - the idea that we are always on a journey to improve, and are capable of improving to even the state of Heavenly Father.

I remember asking once if Heavenly Father was done progressing, and told we can't possibly know, but it's possible that even He has more progress to make. But if so, we can't possibly comprehend what he is progressing towards and it's not relevant to us now.

It's important to realize that "As man is, God once was. As God is, man might become" is, like, central to Mormon theology. We aren't lesser things than God, just not as far progressed. He's among the first caterpillars to figure out how to make a chrysalis and become a butterfly and he's trying to show us how to do the same.

Regardless, a necessary step to this progress, to growth, is to live a mortal physical life in a body. A body is so important that Mormons believe at the second coming everyone who ever lived will be resurrected into "perfect" eternal immortal bodies. (This ALL creates MANY logistical and theological problems but we don't have time for all that!)

Other necessary steps include compulsive heterosexuality, marriage, and having children. Because of course.

But if God's power is not innate, but rather something he has gained by being Perfectly Good And Noble - which is like the Force or something - then he isn't truly omnipotent. He is so powerful and omniscient that to us mere mortals the distinction is meaningless, but God cannot endorse harm or cruelty without potentially losing his Godhood. Godhood is conditional upon good behavior. Morality is a natural force in the universe that can be utilized, but! See above about opposition! And free will! To utilize it, you have to be capable of knowingly being bad and choose good anyway!

This puts God in kind of a bind when it comes to guiding humanity.

He needs people to have knowledge of good and evil, but if he gives it to them directly, he'd kinda be doing a bad thing? Like, he'd be causing suffering to just force knowledge of good and evil upon us. The suffering can't be something inflicted upon humanity, it has to be a product of human choice. And choice is essential, but to learn to make choices, first you must be presented with simple ones.

Like Adam and Eve are immortal, physical, useless baby adults who cannot progress. They need to progress, and they also need to get to boning or else all the other spirit children waiting in heaven to be born will not have bodies.

So God sets up a little trap. A little trick. Just a fun little -just a fun little game.

He puts a tree in the garden and he's like, "Just leaving this over here. Don't touch it. But it's right here. See it? Right here. Just making sure you saw it. Yeah, don't touch it. In fact, two commandments for you.

Go have kids

Don't eat that fruit"

And Adam and Eve are like, "cool, great, awesome."

And God is like, really loudly in front of Lucifer/The Snake like, "Oh noooooooo. I sure hope they don't eat from this treeeeee. That would be terrrrrrible! They'd learn about SIN and BECOME MORTAL." and Satan is like "tehehehe I have a great idea!"

Meanwhile Eve, who is currently a metaphysical biological immortal, does not know what sex is and has no sex drive. She's like, "Sooooo? The kids part? How that?"

And the snake is like "You can find out, but you gotta eat this fruit" (true! this is Eden, it is still free from sin. The snake cannot lie here, yet. Because folk Mormon theology - Satan can't lie! That's a fun fact about him. He twists and manipulates truths, but lying is a Mortal gift we got from the whole Fruit thing that Eve is about to do)

And Eve is like, "Yeah, sure, I want babies. God told me to have them so...." and eats the fruit exactly as God intended her to, tempted by the snake exactly as God planned. And she was like, "Oh! I WANNA BONE ADAM. ADAM EAT THIS SO YOU KNOW WHAT BONING IS SO I CAN BONE YOU."

But then they were materially and metaphysically changed, so they couldn't stay in the Garden anymore. Less about casting out, more about God having to follow the Moral Metaphysical Laws that give him his power.

I was even taught it's not even that childbirth/periods/menstrual pain were punishments from God. They are just natural results of sexual reproduction and the part where God says that's gonna happen now isn't him giving Eve a curse, just kinda God giving Eve some sex ed. Since she'll need it.

Basically, God couldn't tell Adam and Eve to eat the fruit, and in fact was morally obligated to tell them not to, because doing so would cause suffering and death. But the suffering and death aren't a punishment from God, they're just facts about the world that become real when you know about them, but you have to know about them and experience them in order to know and experience good things also, and become closer to being a god yourself, and God wanted us to have good things, so he wanted us to eat that fruit. Which is why he put it there.

So very much like leaving water out for a cat who thinks they're being naughty but actually you just want your cat to be hydrated.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles observed: “This suggested contrast between a sin and a transgression reminds us of the careful wording in the second article of faith: ‘We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression’ (emphasis added). It also echoes a familiar distinction in the law. Some acts, like murder, are crimes because they are inherently wrong. Other acts, like operating without a license, are crimes only because they are legally prohibited. Under these distinctions, the act that produced the Fall was not a sin—inherently wrong—but a transgression—wrong because it was formally prohibited. These words are not always used to denote something different, but this distinction seems meaningful in the circumstances of the Fall.”

And before any baby Mormons come in here like, "nuh uh!" about any part of this, your "eternal truths" have been so watered down in the past several decades by leadership trying to seem mainstream and cling to hemorrhaging membership. Y'all don't even know your theology anymore half the time, and what's worse is it's just as toxic as ever but like 200% less interesting. I like Mormonism better when they're proudly declaring Bigfoot is Cain and talking about how John the Beloved already has an immortal body and has been wandering the world for 2000 years and confidently claiming he was the stranger who helped them fix a tire that one time.

[technicolorfamiliar]

Well, it took me a year, but I watched a billion 50+ Conrad Veidt films. Some good, some great, some so bad that I hope I never have to see them again.

This post is a stand in for the entire second half of this filmic journey -- I'll link the original 5 posts that make up the first part below. But instead of reposting all of my reviews for all of these titles (the original posts for these are on Pillowfort), I'll just share some highlights below the cut.

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5

Bleaker and darker than I expected, but that makes sense if it's based on a WWI memoir. What happened to Martha was legitimately awful and hard to watch. Stilted performances aside, I would have also liked a whole separate movie about the lesbian spy aunt. But Commandant Oberaertz... [redacted]. He's so hot, despite the character being absolutely awful and creepy and intimidating. I actually said "wow" out loud about his body shape in that costume. That jacket is fitted within a millimeter of its life. How many other films did Connie use this lower register in? Not many, right? It's too much, TOO MUCH. I think this movie took ten years off my life.

I Was a Spy, 1933

Dir. Victor Saville

⭐3/5

Watched Feb 18, Snowgrouse's masterpost

Connie's performance in this is more sympathetic than it has any right to be. The movie very easily could have been sensationalist garbage, and I'm so glad it was handled with relative care and humanity. I liked his whole vibe, I am not immune to party boy Rasputin's charms; "he's got the kavorca, the lure of the animal!" He looks like he stinks, which in this case may not necessarily be a bad thing. I don't even know what to make of all the cooing and baby talk he does with Alexei, or for that matter Drunk!Rasputin dancing and climbing over furniture to get at his ladies. I wish we got to see more scenes with Rasputin and the royal family, how those relationships formed and affected matters of state. We only really get to know about any of that through dialogue among other court officials. And so the emotional turn at the ending was unexpected. The way he cried out after being shot, I've never heard a sound like that come from a human being. Needless to say I did not feel great when the movie ended, but I liked it way more than I thought I would.

Rasputin, Dämon der Frauen, 1932

Dir. Adolf Trotz

⭐3/5

Watched Mar 23, Archive.org

Almost all the performances in this are pretty excellent. The stripped back, realistic style with handheld, newsreel camerawork really suits these actors and the story. Apparently this is a remake of an English film which is based on a play, and it definitely feels like a play. I'm fascinated by this little movie, it's basically an anti-war film about British soldiers in WWI produced in Germany in the early 30s… how did this even get made?? Messages about the horrors of war aside, the homoerotic undertones (overtones?) alone make this a truly unique piece of storytelling for the time and place it was filmed. And those under/overtones are treated pretty respectfully, none of these men are the butt of a joke, how they are with one another is handled with a naturalism that isn't really seen again until maybe the 1950s. And Connie. The range. Can we talk about Stanhope? He's a gruff, messy drunk, a traumatized, hollowed out husk of a man. When Osbourne says something like "you'll be alright when this is over," NO HE WOULDN'T, HE'D BE WORSE. His relationship with Raleigh is interesting too, clearly they were more than casual friends. I didn't believe for a second that the tension between Stanhope and Raleigh was about the sister/fiancée, it's weak, weak I tell you. It's one of Connie's most underrated performances.

Die andere Seite, 1931

Dir. Heinz Paul

⭐3.75/5

Watched Apr 27, Snowgrouse's masterpost

Everyone in this movie looks like a Rankin Bass stop motion character. The ending was abrupt as fuck, Werner Krauss' Jack the Ripper got a lot less screen time and I wonder if they just tacked that onto the end after they realized they spent too much time on Emil Jannings' and Connie's characters. There's a lot of fondling going on in this movie, there's the guy with the bread in the first part, then Connie going all glassy-eyed caressing his globes. Ivan the Terrible is a certified DIVA in that diaphanous, white robe, even with the hard middle part and scraggly beard. What is he doing with his tongue the whole time, though?? Love that he crashes some random girl's wedding, lets her father get murdered by assassins, kidnaps her AND her husband, and brings them both home to his sex dungeon. Connie is doing the most -- the eyes, the gestures, all the greatest hits from his silent film acting tool box, he's whipping them out for this role.

Das Wachsfigurenkabinett (Waxworks), 1924

Dir. Paul Leni, Leo Birinski

⭐2/5

Watched May 29, Archive.org

I didn't like this movie, I just wanted an excuse to post this screenshot. But it actually is a very silly little movie, with what must have been an enormous budget for costumes and sets, and it has some cute physical comedy. Sadly, Connie's in too little of the film to save it from being obnoxious. I did like the Czar's body double who just wanted to work on his needlepoint, and the Court Spanker who was clearly really into his job. And of course Metternich, that sly dog, that velvet-clad scamp. Between the all the foxy, gap-toothed grinning he does and the way he's going to town on that dialogue, he is as always a pleasure to watch. The English version is on Youtube somewhere, so I may go through that and pick out the time stamps for Connie's scenes because I don't think I could sit through this whole movie again, especially not that stupid fucking "Wien und der Wein" song, jesus christ.

Der Kongress tanzt, 1931

Dir. Erik Charell

⭐2/5

Watched Jun 23, Snowgrouse's masterpost

Apparently this movie was considered a flop, and Connie wasn't super happy with this role and others around this time. I think I must have had that info in the back of my mind somewhere going into this movie, because my expectations were pretty low. So, as usual, I actually wound up liking it more than I thought I would. It's a lot sillier than it has any right to be, but yeah it's ultimately a piece of fluff compared to some of the other heavy-hitting films on this list. I love when Connie has a comedic foil like the Marius character, but it could have been a lot better if the dialogue was snappier and the timing tighter. And Connie's character promises to be this bad bitch at the top of the movie, but all we get is one quick, poorly choreographed sword fight and a whole bunch of nothing after that. There's all this build up, I mean, the character is nicknamed The Black Death, and the movie never really lets the character live up to the name. It's a missed opportunity for sure. That said, the Puffy Shirt with the open collar "ensconced in velvet" (to risk yet more Seinfeld references), jaunty hat, knee-high boots with spurs look is really doing it for me. And THERE ARE PUPPIES. Perhaps the most delightful thing that has ever happened in cinematic history. I couldn’t believe it. Connie picked up the first puppy and said, "You big boy, you!" and I hate him, like full Madeline Kahn Mrs. White "flames… on the side of my face." I hate him so much.

Under the Red Robe, 1937

Dir. Victor Seastrom

⭐2.5/5

Watched Jul 17, Youtube

[captain-mj]

I know you just posted it like 3 hours ago, but I loved your knight König and monster Horangi work! Could you write more for it pls? 👉👈

For you anon, I'll do it <3 Previous part

König did visit Horangi a few days afterwards. He brought sugar buns this time since he was pretty sure Horangi hadn't eaten very much besides what he could forage or hunt. Sugar buns were always a fun snack.

It had taken a while for him to make them, but he did. He cooked the bread and dusted sugar over all of it. Then he filled it with creamed butter and sugar. Just a layer inside so it wasn't too sweet.

He also wore something a bit nicer this time instead of his armor. His hood stayed on though.

It took him a while to get all the way up the mountain again, but like before, there were no animals that could cause him any problems.

Horangi appeared almost immediately, but he was so quiet, it still startled König. He looked at the basket König was holding.

"Sugar buns!" König said, trying to sound excited. He uncovered it and watched Horangi light up. "For you."

Horangi grabbed one of them. They had gotten slightly cold from the journey but they were still soft. He watched, fascinated as he tore them apart and started to eat it. König had made them himself so he had put some creamed sugar in the inside and Horangi noticed. He started to eat happily, giving König a good glimpse at his teeth.

They were large and cat like. No. Tiger like. That was better. Stripes across his cheeks as well. They were gorgeous. Horangi's eyes caught him and his tongue flicked out to get the rest of the sugar off his lips.

König immediately handed him another one and sat down on a nearby rock to tuck into one of the rolls himself. Horangi watched into him quietly before sitting next to him.

They almost touched. It absorbed most of König's thoughts, the fact that they were so close he could feel the warmth off of him. Horangi felt warmer than any normal human he knew.

Slowly, very slowly, König leaned in just a little and almost on cue, a wind washed through the area that made him shiver.

"Cold, König?" Horangi looked up at him.

"Yes." König said immediately, half hoping Horangi would lean in more.

Instead, Horangi slipped the robe he was wearing off and put them around König. He luckily wore pants underneath but his chest was bare. König felt his mouth go dry. Horangi really did look gorgeous. His body was very toned and with his scars and...

...

"You have a tail?"

"Yes." It twitched as Horangi spoke. "They're like my ears. Just appeared when I was cursed."

König watched the tip twitch a little, almost as if he was irritated. "I see. It's cute."

Horangi shoved a sugar bun into his face immediately to avoid having to talk to him. His face turned slightly red, eyes glancing away from him.

König smiled a little, blushing under his mask. He only lifted his hood slightly to eat before putting it back down.

"Why are you covering your face? You can't look worse than me."

''Oh I don't... take it off. Ever."

"Why? Scarred? Hideous?" Horangi passed no judgement, just seemed curious.

"Something like that..." König did find himself very gross. Broken nose, freckles, red spiky hair he could never get to sit down. It always stuck up in every direction and even though it was longer now, it still stuck up everywhere.

Horangi immediately leaned in. "Let me see."

König stared into his eyes. The pupils had moved to filled his iris until only the slightest amount of color showed, like a cat about to pounce.

"I don't think that's a good idea... I am..." He glanced down.

Horangi hummed. "You came to visit me. Brought me food. Are we friends then?"

"I would like to think so."

"Then can I please see you?" Horangi tilted his head down so he was back in König's line of sight.

König found his hands lifting slowly to his hood. He carefully took his hood off so Horangi could see him.

"Ah."

König's heart sank. "Oh?" He glanced up nervously and saw Horangi staring at him. There was something in his eyes. A hungry look that swept over his features with fervor.

"You're not hideous at all. Small scar, but I think it makes you look distinguished." Horangi grabbed König's chin firmly and then gently traced the scar. König tried to squirm away but Horangi's grip was too strong.

"Ah, bitte, let go." König felt so flustered and he wasn't used to such examination.

"What does bitte mean?"

König blushed harder and stilled after a moment, realizing escape was impossible at this moment. "Means please." He didn't have his weapon or his gear and even if he did, he wasn't sure if he had it in him to force Horangi to let him go.

Horangi nodded and tilted König's face side to side so he could look at him closer. He then let go. "Pretty boy. I like the way you look. Shouldn't hide under the hood all the time.",

König had butterflies in his stomach. He was bright red, so red in fact that his freckles disappeared mostly. "I... Um..."

"Are you okay? You look shy." Horangi leaned in, mostly naked body all for König to see. He yanked away and looked off, blushing hard.

König looked down at the ground and blushed more. "I.... I am fine."

They sat together a while longer and watched clouds. König found himself glancing at Horangi before accidentally making eye contact and immediately he kept staring at the clouds.

"Do you see shapes in them?"

"Yes. That one looks like a boat." König pointed it out for him. Horangi smiled and moved so he was laying down on the rock they were on. He tugged König down so he was laying down to. He gave him his robe back, claiming he had warmed up.

Horangi pointed at one. "That one looks like a crown."

König smiled softly and stayed for a while. He felt his eyes start to get heavy and reluctantly he got up. "I think I need to head back."

Horangi nodded and stretched. "Do you like fish?"

"I do...."

"I'll catch some for you when you come back."

"I'll bring you more food too." König promised.

Horangi kissed König's hand and handed him back his hood. He slipped it on so Horangi wouldn't see him get flustered from the indirect kiss.

[lesbiandanhowell]

Sam reacts to: Dan and Phil React to Every Phil is not on fire! #3

- Literally ran away from my mum for this video, we were watching tv on the couch and I saw the notification and fucking RAN.

- Shaking with anticipation they look so, old school in Dan's shirt and the denim jacket. This is how I remember them from when I first became a fan of them and just that brings up so much nostalgia.

- NOSE TOUCH TEXTURE. Someone on tumblr called that Phil would do it again and they delivered.

- hear discourse (what the heck was I on about with this one??)

- Why did he just fully show his underwear on the internet, like they really already didn't give a fuck anymore back then did they?

- Their sensory icks coming through with the mushroom, like I know that is not a neurotypical reaction.

- Phil hitting dan adorably when Dan says phulge.

- The ladders song appreciation, they do just like their silly compatibility do they?

- "Natural talent for duet improv song writing" cute

- The photo phil took of dan on the couch is so cute somehow I can't explain. It's so, intimate and so, domestic it makes me feel all giddy.

- The salsa and nacho laugh were SO uncomfortable they hated that, like Phil's laugh is not one of finding it actually funny I am sorry.

- "Uhh gif it" FUCK YOU PHIL

- Grandma Lester is THE icon, the more we learn about her the more I admire this woman and everything she did in life.

- PINOF 7 really is very good

- SOFTLAUNCH OF THE GAY HAHAHA

- PHIL CAN NOT STOP POINTING OUT THE TOUCHING IS DRIVING ME INSANE. lIt doesn't feel like he is doing it anymore to make fun of us, his tone is different and he isn't mocking us anymore... it feels like he is doing it for his own fun and almost appreciation of how they have become more comfortable with it.

- The discussion if Yuri On Ice was gay, Dan has much higher standards than I do (or Phil for that matter) and not everything is about sex daniel.

- The only thing I have to add at this point is how much more comfortable they are with touching and being close again by PINOF 8. You can tell they are out of being paranoid af about fans analyzing everything and coming more into just, being themselves again and not avoiding each others space.

- Phil not knowing his own diss track but knowing Dans is the most whipped behaviour I have ever witnessed.

- The nightstand exposure, like Dan just fully naming everything (almost I'd say) that Phil has in his night stand haha.

- They skipped some good parts big sad times, I get why because there simply isn't enough time to do four videos in one but still sad.

- "Sometimes I slept in it" WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOMETIMES This deadass confirms what we thought about the bedroom being a filming set and not actually their his bedroom, which is wild to me.

- PHATASS mention, Dan we know you love Phil's ass by now but thank you.

- "How did the floorplan stalkers even survive this era" oh Dan...

- Soft gay, they are acutely aware of all the things we picked up on as 'gay proof' and are not acknowledging that we weren't all that off really, they were just deeply closeted.

- THE AMOUNT OF NEW SELFIES WE ARE GETTING. The couch one, the ice deep throating... also the ones of Phil are so much more tame than Dan's.

- Dan is a PINOF 9 truther, interesting

- THE BUTT RIBENA FLIP. Glad they included this in their reaction because we were waiting for it.

- Dan can't stop looking at Phil, like this is so fascinating to me but we know Dan's side profile so much better than ever because he genuinely can't stop looking at Phil

- I think them ending it at 10 was perfect, it really is so sacred now.

- PHIL HAS DISCORD (I am so tempted to sent him a friend request. Update: I did and he doesn't take friend requests lol)

- Have these seen the our discussions about who would win a fight?!

- They really look so fond of their past selves, it makes me happy that they can actually appreciate their journey.

I can say that this journey through the 10 years of their career made my chest swell with fondness because they really have grown and been through so much. Being able to look back on this and see how much they have grown since then makes me so honored that we have been able to share their journey for this long.

See you tomorrow for another #sam reacts!

[sketching-shark]

If you were put in charge of making a JTTW movie/TV adaption from start to finish what direction would you have the show go?

*SHAKING AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH FROM THE THOUGHT OF BEING IN CHARGE OF MY OWN ULTRAVIOLENT BODY HORROR-ESQUE JTTW ADAPTATION* Oh I am so normal about this prospect anon.

But in all seriousness I think I would DEFINITELY want it to be a lengthy animated tv adaptation because there's so much rich backstory and plot in the og classic that a movie length doesn't really let you delve into, AND because the wild transformations and different entities seem like they would be best conveyed in the limitless possibilities of animation! Like just imagine how terrifying a havoc in heaven would be where the Monkey King is shown taking FULL advantage of every single one of his abilities (as-you-will cudgel size transformation, tons of monkey clones, transformation from one creature to another, invulnerability, truth-seeing eyes, transformation into a three-headed six-armed towering monstrosity to fight an Erlang Shen who does the same, etc.). In addition, I also do think that the length of time it took for the pilgrims to warm up to each other and for Sun Wukong to go from a practical and ruthless yaoguai warlord to the Buddha Victorious in Strife is an important part of what makes Xiyouji the classic that it is, and this is all something that I think could be well captured in a lengthy animated series.

I know for sure that I'd want to spend a good amount of time on Sun Wukong's transformation from a relatively innocent stone monkey to the most viciously powerful of the yaoguai warlords to a sincere Buddhist, especially since the very understandable fear of death for himself and his loved ones seems to constantly be a driving force behind a lot of his actions. I think seeing the transformation of the monkey from loving and wanting to protect a relatively small group of people (47,000 monkeys & his friends) to extending that active love and compassion to individuals of all sorts, both human and yao, could be a really cool arc for the Monkey King too. This is especially so as it raises the interesting question as to whether compassion and love can end up being destructive if it's only offered to some but not others, and what atonement for past violence might be.

Zhu Bajie and Sha Wujing also present a potentially fascinating case of dealing with disgraced deities who start off by considering their time on Earth and time on the journey a punishment before they eventually come to develop genuine compassion for the mortals they encounter. Stories about a fall from heaven leading to the fallen ones developing greater empathy for those who were once literally below them is my jam, and I think these other two pilgrims could offer a neat way to explore that! Also I want to note that I'm fully on team "Zhu Bajie is constantly complaining that he's hungry and tired first because of his own appetites and then as a way to get the other four self-destructive idiots to stop and take care of the basic necessities of life." For sure I'd also add in that potential hint noted by others that breaking a vase during a banquet had a precedent of being used as a signal to start a coup, thus explaining why Sha Wujing's punishment on Earth was much worse than Zhu Bajie's. And one simply can't do without the indication that it was everyone's favorite Friar Sand who had eaten eight of Tang Sanzang's reincarnations! He may be one of the pilgrim group's straight men, but he also spent centuries as a cannibal <3.

Also yeah hard agree with others that both Zhu Bajie and Sha Wujing start off the pilgrimage pretty terrified of Sun Wukong because they saw him at his violently worst in heaven. As a treat :3

I think I'd also have Ao Lie spend more time outside of his horse not just so that he can be a dragon-ish guy as well as an actual dragon, but also so that we can get more insight into how his transformation from a destructive prince to a humble steed changed him. I think it also would be cool to spend a little more time on the dragon kings and how, for example, it does raise some uncomfortable questions about their whole deal if Ao Lie could commit arson & destroy a pearl and be punished pretty brutally while Ao Guang could run a weather-based protection racket for centuries and get a 12 year old to kill himself and yet they all seem to be cool with that :[

I'd also want to make my adaptation one that deals more with the aftereffects of the absolute bullshit the pilgrims go through. For example, it's pretty rare to find an adaptation out there that gives full weight to the stuff Tang Sanzang went through, and while it is understandable why and can be funny to characterize him as one of the "straight men" of the pilgrim group or as the weepy useless guy who falls off his dragon horse all the time, I've literally never encountered an adaptation that for example has him react at the age of 18 to his mother committing suicide after Xuanzang went through so much to try and help her, or him having to see both of the human companions he started the journey with get eaten alive by yaoguai. I'd want to make Tang Sanzang more of a dynamic character than he is even in Xiyouji itself, and I do think delving into this background--you knowing, showing why exactly he does in fact have good reason to be suspicious and even hateful of yaoguai and perhaps more secretly certain humans (his mother was after all brutalized for years by a bandit chief)--would be good to deal with in showing Tang Sanzang's journey to enlightenment. And for sure I'd want to make Tang Sanzang a little more like the historical Xuanzang in having him both be a master translator and a canny rule-breaker; I think that having the story follow history in that Xuanzang was in fact forbidden from going west in search of Buddhist scriptures but went anyway, for example, would be a good path to follow. Might give him an interesting point of relation and sympathy to SWK as well, in that both of them would be challenging authority to do what they think is right.

I do think that this all could also make for a really interesting point of tension and later comprehension between Tang Sanzang and SWK, where you would have the monk and the monkey on the same journey for very different but in some ways similar reasons (Tang Sanzang wants the scriptures because he sincerely believes that they will save countless souls, SWK wants to finish the journey so that he can go back home and protect his monkeys). Like Tang Sanzang would be starting the journey at age 28 and after going through some pretty intense trauma, but having lived in a monastery for most of his life wouldn't have much of a sense of what dangers the world contains as SWK, even though he is determined to complete the journey no matter the cost to himself. SWK, on the other hand, would be starting the journey after the bitter defeat in heaven and the anguish of 500 years in solitary confinement, and would likely be enraged about everything he lost but would still be operating under the terrible elation that came from his vast violent power. As someone else once put it, it could be a similar dynamic to a late middle-aged triads boss having to watch out for a beginning grad student lmao. So you'd have a lot of tension between SWK and Tang Sanzang's world views, with the former thinking that violence is a perfectly acceptable way to solve problems or get what you want, while the other abhors violence of all sorts, and they'd both have plentiful reasons to criticize the other.

While the film The Monkey King 2 is far from the best JTTW retelling out there (though it is one of my personal favorites lol), it also has this pretty great and rare scene for JTTW retellings that I feel I'd like my own retelling to somewhat emulate. Here, Sun Wukong saves Tang Sanzang and a bunch of little kids from the violent actions of a king, but he's only able to do this because the Monkey King is more powerful than the king and is able to legitimately threaten the king with death if he goes back to his vicious ways. Tang Sanzang does get Sun Wukong to spare the king, but the king then directly calls the monk out on the seeming hypocrisy of his mission. I forget the exact words, but the king's accusations were basically about how Tang Sanzang is a fraud and a liar because for all that he preaches peace and forgiveness he wouldn't be able to make it anywhere, he wouldn't be able to save anyone, he would have in fact been killed long ago if it wasn't for Sun Wukong's power and willingness to violence. And I do think in a lot of ways this is the crux of a lot of interesting questions that Xiyouji brings up even if it never provides one solid answer: that we all want to be relieved of suffering, and yet what do we do in a world where violence is something we both constantly suffer from as well as commonly inflict upon others?

I guess ultimately I'd want this to be a retelling that really focuses on the many forms and roles of violence in the shaping of a society, what the consequences of this violence often is, and what might be done to create a more just and peaceful life for all.

I'd know I'd want to spend a lot of time on SWK getting back home to Mt. Huaguoshan and finding it this burned-out ruin with the vast majority of his family dead or otherwise gone, only to realize that this was done by heaven in retaliation for the war and his havoc in heaven in a true case of mythological M.A.D. I feel like this, as with other scenes, would be a good way to bring up Xiyouji's frequent refrain that "for the strong there's always the stronger," and how the devastation that violence and warfare wrecks on a landscape, even if it seems awesome and justifiable at the time it's being waged, leads to horrific problems that don't go away even after generations and which could very easily be turned against you and your loved ones. I've said before that one of the things that I like about the Monkey King is that he almost always has a very clear reason for doing what he does, and I think this would be a great arc for it to really and painfully hit home that ultimately violence does not exist in a vacuum, and, especially when you care about so many, it ultimately serves to create a world where your own loved ones can easily become the next who will suffer. Yet even here the complexity of the situation doesn't stop, because while SWK is able to vastly improve the lives of his monkeys by doing everything he can to restore Mt. Huaguoshan back to its former fecundity, he also protects them by well killing 1000 human hunters who had been going after them for years. The violence may never stop, but neither do the efforts to make the world a more peaceful place. And as it is, no one can live by the sword alone.

Just some sketchy thoughts anon, but I hope you like what I'm laying out :)

[mileapo]

Happy Me Happy 'MILE' with Mai Phakphum

“The first time I saw a guitar was probably in grade 2. It was my relative’s guitar. I secretly took it and played with it. Then, the string broke!!! So I secretly hid it and never dared to take it out to play again because I had broken it already… The guitar came into my life again in grade 6. I was a kid at the back of the class. I studied hard, but I sat at the back of the class. Then, there was a female friend who sat in front of me. Her brother played music. She showed me photos of her brother competing in various competitions. She also showed me a magazine called The Guitar Mag. So, I opened it and read it. I read and read and found a guitar. It was an electric guitar in the shape of a white rabbit. 

I was like, “Wow!!! What a beautiful guitar! It made me start to fall in love with the shape of the word guitar from just looking at the picture first.”

And what about Mai's happiness with the guitar!!!

The eyes of the person you are talking to will tell you how they feel. This is not an exaggeration.

“The guitar is the instrument that brought me into the entertainment industry. Since I liked music since I was a kid, starting with the guitar, I started to be interested in music, interested in fashion related to music, which made me curious about music. I became a DJ, started to enter the loop where people saw my face more, started to go to castings, and was once at Grammy for a while. It was a time when I saw the entertainment industry in many other ways. It was the starting point that developed me until now.

The guitar has been with me since the beginning and has always been. For example, in AUTHENTIC MILE FIRST SOLO CONCERT, there must be a guitar that represents us and the different scenes in the show. If it's romantic, it will be an acoustic guitar. If it's a sexy scene, it will be a guitar solo. I am happy to play in the show. Entertaining and making the people who come to see us happy is another happiness that I like a lot.

We asked about the 28th anniversary of LOSO We Are The Rock And Roll Concert and being a guest of LOSO in the past.

“Phi Sek is an artist who I can say with certainty that he is the King of Rock and Roll of Thailand. He is also an inspiration to many Thai musicians. In terms of his work and songwriting, Phi Sek’s songs are meaningful, easy to understand, and honest. I think whoever listens to them will feel that way. I am very happy to be able to perform at the big concert to celebrate Loso’s 28th anniversary. It was fun to work on. The Loso team is lovely.” (smiles)

We asked Mai which guitar he likes the most. Mai replied that it was a very difficult question to answer. Very difficult.

"But if I had to choose, it would be this one I play regularly," Mai pointed to the olive green electric guitar he was carrying. 

“He has an overall meaning and a look that we really like. He’s the one that I feel has the right look, the right tone, not too strong, has a vintage feel, and still has a modern sound that can be used.”

Throughout my life journey, the guitar is the thing that makes me feel the most charming. I am most fascinated by the guitar. It’s like I’ve fallen in love with it. I don’t know how to stop loving it. As for other musical instruments, I might have had the chance to get to know them, but I might not have fallen in love in terms of playing. But in terms of consuming, listening, of course I am someone who loves music. Whether it’s the sound of the piano or the sound design of some electronic musical instruments, they also touch my heart. But in terms of playing, collecting, or anything physical, the guitar is with me. It is my first and only love, something like that.” (smiles)

That Cherished First Guitar of 'MILE'

“It’s still there,”  we asked about the first guitar in Mai’s life.

“Since we saw the white rabbit-shaped guitar in The Guitar Mag, that white guitar started to come into my head. I remember that when school ended around 3-4 p.m., while waiting for someone to pick me up in front of the school, I would complain to myself, saying to myself, “I really want a white guitar.” Then a friend named Ying Yai walked up to me and whispered in my ear, “I don’t know how to play, but I still want one.” I was shocked, my head was full of question marks. How difficult could playing a guitar be? Why did my friend say that even though she didn’t know how to play, she still wanted one? When I got home, I went to my mother and asked to buy one. At that time, I was still young, only in the sixth grade, and I was studying in Kalasin. It wasn’t easy to find one… When I asked my mother to buy it, she said, “Okay, I’ll buy it for you if I pass the entrance exam for Mathayom 1. Let’s exchange.” I was comfortable. I passed the entrance exam for Mahasarakham University Demonstration School (Secondary Section), and I got my first guitar, which was a popular classical guitar model, which most guitar lovers probably started with.”

“As for the first songs I played, they were songs that my guitar teacher taught me, which were “Khang Khao Kin Kluai” (Due Due Due, Due Due) (and then hummed the song for us ^_^) But if it’s a song that ends handsomely, it’s a song by Potato, “Mai Hai Tur Pai”. This is a song that I really like. The MV is beautiful, the feeling is there, and I really get into it. At that time, I was in Grade 6. I knew how to get into loneliness. I felt like playing this song. It just so happened that my guitar teacher’s younger brother, who was a night musician, told me that he would teach me to play a song. He asked me what song I wanted to play, so I told him “Mai Hai Tur Pai” (No Hai Tur Pai ). So he taught me. I was really determined because I really wanted to play it. After teaching him for about 2 days, I could play it. After that, I played this song all day and all night.” (smiles)

The Guitar Masters Who Fueled 'MILE' Passion

“Wow!!! That’s a lot.”

“I think it depends on the time period or the loop of listening to music. At first, we started listening to Thai music. The guitarist at the beginning of our life was 'P' Win Potato'. After that, time led us to know many guitarists, both Grammy and RS. We dissected a lot of songs. We dissected continuously until we learned that the flavor of Thai music is like this. 

When I started studying in Mathayom 2, I secretly went to study music, which made me know about Blues, Rock, Progressive Rock, and Dream Theater (a legendary American progressive metal band). The complexity of listening began to increase. I knew that John Peter Petrucci was this person ( John Peter Petrucci, founder of the progressive metal band Dream Theater). We started to enter the loop of all things Rock Metal. My seniors listened to Trivium , so we listened to it too. We felt that it was good, it was cool. (Trivium is an American heavy metal band)

“The time when I really started to change was during Mathayom 4-5. I moved to study at Triam Udom Suksa School in Bangkok. A friend of a friend who was a student at Suankularb played John Mayer ’s “ Neon” in the karaoke room. When I heard it, it made me change my taste in music. It had an acoustic guitar feel, ding ding, ding, but it was a different feel from all the music I had listened to in the past 4-5 years. I can say that John Mayer was the first person who really inspired me. After that, it was blues rock like SRV ( Stevie Ray Vaughan ). Another person I really like is Philip Sayce ( Philip Sayce, Welsh guitarist, singer, songwriter, actor, and producer ).

In Thailand, there are many. Master Winai (Winai Trinatipakdi) and Phi Jack (Thammarat Duangsiri) are my inspirations who I used to study with. If it were about the same generation, I would say The Toys . He has great skill and a clear character. But if we talk about guitarists that I like at present, there are 2 people: Mean Thaitatsamit and Kong H3F. Their signatures are clear, their accents are clear, both in their sound and playing methods.”

And if there's a chance to perform with someone on stage? 

“John Mayer,”  Mai replied with a smile.

“But if it’s a Thai artist, “I want to play with Carabao.” I like the way they present meaning through Carabao songs. I’ve listened to a lot of Carabao songs. I went to the last concert. I like songs for life. I like songs that don’t talk about small images, just small feelings. I like songs that make the receiver, the consumer feel like they’ve gained something from life. Carabao’s songs are songs that have meaning. If I had the chance to be a part of a song with an artist, it would be Carabao.”

'MILE' Dream and A Part of 'MILE' Life

We all had dreams when we were kids, but not everyone can fulfill those dreams. Because dreams of “what do we want to be when we grow up?” “what do we want to do when we grow up?” may be just imaginary dreams. Because when we grow up, “dreams” tend to change over time, according to the context of society, according to what we see along the way. My dream is the same…

"When I was a child, I wanted to be a civil engineer." This is the dream of Pakphum Romsaithong.

“I remember having a relative who worked on road construction. He took us and his children to visit the dam. We saw the development from the laterite area and then saw it gradually develop until it was completed. So we thought about what kind of career could help our city in Kalasin grow. At that time, as a child, we also wanted to have fun, so we wanted to be a civil engineer.

When I started studying in Mathayom 4 in Bangkok, I felt that the vibe had changed. When I was in middle school, I went to school in the King’s class, got good grades, had many close friends, played music, and had activities with friends all the time. When I changed schools, I still couldn’t adjust myself. I studied a lot more. The subjects I studied were more intensive. I started to feel homesick. When I started to skip school a lot, I couldn’t keep up. Things started to go wrong. It made me start to isolate myself, talk to myself more, and see people’s nature more.”

“In the past, I liked to sit alone at bus stops, parks, or wherever people walked by every day for at least two hours a day. I sat mindfully, observed people’s behavior, and talked to strangers. People in the past were very charismatic. Many people talked to me even though we didn’t know each other. Some told me their stories, complained to me about this and that. I had no reason to do this at that time.”

Time makes us grow up and learn continuously. From Triam Udom Suksa School to the yellow and red walls of Thammasat University with the TU Sexy Boy stage that made both seniors and juniors open the warp to find out who 'Mai Phakphum' is and where he comes from.

“I used to think that I wanted to inspire people, but it doesn’t mean that we have to be great or anything. I just feel that being an inspiration to someone who is confused or lost, or being able to make someone who is straying in some way, bring them back to the center, to the point where they can balance, this is what we want to do, and we did it (smiles). 

Today, more people know us, whether it's international fans, younger people, or older people who may be in their 40s. I notice from the cards they write to me or the feedback when they send me DMs. I read them all the time. I may reply to some or not. What I see is what they reflect on how we inspire them. This is one of my dreams that I've seen take shape. I've made it happen and I want to keep doing it."

'MILE' Story of Pushing Through Bad Day

“Have you ever encountered anything difficult?” “Wow, a lot.”

“The more well-known something is, the more people expect it. This is a difficult thing. Even if we have a mindset that we can’t make everyone like us or change anyone’s mind, they say that life gets harder as we grow older. I think the difficulty lies in expectations.”

“The easy way is to let it go, let it go. But when the time comes, it’s hard to do that. It’s easy to say but very difficult to do because we are people who care about others and we think carefully. The best way is to try to stop inputting things, stop playing with our phones for a while, stop asking for opinions from others for a while while the problem is happening. Try to take a deep breath and stay here, in the present, come back to yourself, come back to talk to yourself, ask yourself what happened, what is the best case, what is the worst case. I do this and feel better. Even though the problem or stressful thing doesn’t go away, in the end it gets better.”

“I am lucky that my family is lovely and always behind me, no matter when I fall or encounter something difficult. But if I encounter something not too serious, I don’t tell them because I am afraid that they will worry. I will use a method like taking a nap. When we sleep, it is like resetting ourselves. Or changing the atmosphere, changing focus, or what they say to focus on breathing. At first, we didn’t understand, but when the time comes to try, when we focus on breathing in and out, really breathing in and out, the things that are floating, the things that are stressful, the extreme suffering, will get better. The nature of the human mind is to focus for only a split second and focus on one thing at a time. When we are forced to focus on breathing, whatever is floating will disappear. 

I learned this method when I was talking to a lot of people. One person talked about breathing exercises and I followed what he was saying. I felt better. When I went home and had a problem, I used this method. Hey!!! It helps. 

But in the end, I think everyone should have their own technique. For me, when I started to get to 30, I think that if we tune everything to be in moderation, in the middle, I think it makes us happy easily and it’s easier to move forward.”

The Art of Happiness in 'MILE' Moment

“Guitar, watch, record, wine glass, alcoholic drink”

“We have a bad habit. When we do something, we like to go all the way. We are like ducks who go all the way. When we reach a certain point, we will retreat. We are not experts, but we will understand the structure and then retreat. This is our habit.

All the things I mentioned, if we put them there, they will all be beautiful. Beautiful guitars, beautiful watches, beautiful glasses, beautiful alcohol bottles. Start with beauty first. When we touch them, we will find the next thing, which is what they give us, the form, taste, smell, sound, and so on. Then it will become a story. Story can fool us later. Everything I say will be like a rocket that gradually rises. Story is the last flower that makes the passion for that matter stronger. Like a first impression, I like beautiful things. I feel that even if I put it aside, in ten or twenty years, if we look back, it will still look the same. It has complexity and I think everything is a work of art. We like to consume art, but our art tends to go in this direction. Guitars are also art. They have their own stories, their own shapes. For example, guitars are relics that make them look old or painted in this or that color, which there are many. Or guitar amps, these are all charming. They give off a very personal sound. Vintage guitar amps can’t produce sounds that modern amps can’t. They have a certain sense, a tone, a character of sound, and a certain uniqueness that suits us.”

“If it’s an alcoholic drink, the way to make it enjoyable is like we understand if it’s a top nose or not, or we don’t need any principles at all. We drink it and feel that it gives us some imagination. Rum is one type, whiskey is another, bourbon is another, gin is another, and so on. So we spend a lot of time on these things. But I have to say that I’m not encouraging you to drink it (smiles).”

Vintage is 'MILE'

“Today, I’m dressing up a bit like this vintage style. I think vintage has a sense of timelessness. It has a sense of having its own character. It doesn’t have to follow anyone. It doesn’t have to change because the trend changes. But I will change when I want to change. Vintage is right here.

I think it’s similar to my personality. Actually, I am 100% myself. I am not someone who follows trends. But I have to study trends to work or change my look to follow trends as an actor or as a presenter. But deep down, I know what I like and dislike.”

“In terms of music, I think of Stevie Ray Vaughan ’s (SRV) song Lenny. It talks about an old guitar sound, a bit clear, a bit bluesy, but the guitar tone is the sound I’m describing. A vintage guitar sound is something like this.”

Green → Rose → 'MILE' → Greeny Rose

Why do you like green???

“At that time, I didn’t know what color I liked, but I probably liked it a lot because everything was green. I asked myself that question, but I couldn’t find the answer. Looking back, I only knew that the children’s dolls that we asked for or that we chose were green. They were Shin-chan dolls. Children like Shin-chan in green shirts. Even the first electric guitar that we secretly bought was green. The first amp cabinet, I didn’t know the sound, so I chose it based on the look. It was green felt. Everything was green.”

“I think green is a color that gives a feeling of comfort and is pleasing to the eyes. At the same time, it also has a coolness to it. It’s like a young man in his mid-teens who is starting to get older. He is calm, cool, and sharp but still, not loud. The cool thing about green is that there are so many shades. The green I like the most is olive green. Olive green and British green are British green, like MINI cars and BMW cars. Racing green are the two shades that I like. This is the charm of green for me.”

Tell us about Greeny Rose. 

“The green rose” represents composure, slowness, and calmness in making decisions. Seeing him makes you feel safe and comfortable. Why does it have to be a rose? Because the rose represents the feeling of love and passion at the same time, which is Love and Passion that is given to each other. When you put these two things together, it is a Greeny Rose. But there must be a condition that the rose that is given must be a rose that is willing to let go of each other’s thorns.”

“A rose that is willing to let go of its thorns means that it will compromise with both the giver and the receiver, and both of them will be happy.  Greeny Rose is a green rose that is willing to let go of its own ego thorns. So my meaning is that fandoms should not fight among themselves, or if we have something, we talk about it. The relationship in terms of fans will continue on forever.” 

Is the meaning too deep? Mai smiled and asked us back, then continued to tell us about 3 years of being impressed with Greeny Rose.

“ I think it’s a give and take, a mutual happiness , as I’ve always tried to tell everyone, whoever we meet, it’s a good time in life. And when we’re together, continuing to be together, nourishing each other is not just about taking or giving. That’s what I call a give and take, like a spinning top. We see fun, developing our relationship all the time. This is what I’ve always seen. Whatever we can do for him, be nice to him, do good work for him, respect him all the time as much as we can respect him. Whatever we can do, we do it all.”

“At the same time, Greeny Rose has sent us good feelings in various forms. Coming to the event, sending good feelings via social media, some are not in Thailand, they are abroad, posting to encourage me. I know they are still here, but some have withered, some have disappeared, but new ones have grown.”

“Lastly, whatever it is, I have to thank everyone, thank the fans, thank Greeny Rose , everyone who helped complete the experience, and gave and took together all along. In the past, I didn’t have many chances to thank you. I want everyone to take good care of their health. I want everyone to take good care of their hearts, their minds, and their bodies, both our own and those close to us.”

'MILE' Present is The Best Present

“Being alive now is the greatest gift in the world.”

“Being who we are, living here, is something we unpack and are happy about. And the box next to it that they gave us to live through is about family, about fans, about friends, about various desires, whether it’s a guitar, a record, or other things. The box that comes together to be Present 

Experience is like a grain of sand or a pebble, a stone that comes together. The Star is a big stone that lets us see how to work in the entertainment industry. And the most obvious thing is that we never thought we would become a star. Talking about this makes me feel shy (smiles). But now we can’t deny it. We ourselves used to be secretly confused about how we got to this point.”

In the final conversation, we asked Mai about the role of Kinn, the ill-tempered young man of the main family. What are the differences between Mai and Kinn? 

“Kinn is a size that is us, and then we expand on something more to give him. Love, possessiveness, thinking a lot about people he feels good with. Kinn and I are exactly the same (laughs). Both in the script, in the performance, and in terms of taste, we like it that way, whether it’s drinks, houses, lifestyles that are similar to what we like. But the difference is that I’ve never killed anyone (laughs). The second thing is that I feel that Kinn is too childish. When we’re children, we’re children, but we’re not that childish. But in the story, we expand on the cute side of Kinn’s personality.”

[dropthedemiurge]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to other writers. Spread the self-love~ 🫶🏻

Thank you for the request, I finally got to it :D Five fics that I've written which are my favourite - (and I had to choose only those I've already finished, but a lot of my fav settings are in the long long chaptered poly fics x)) 1. Caught In the Downpoor – Sky/Rain, Love in The Air I love the entire trilogy I wrote because it was a silly whimsy idea that we had a lot of fun developing on discord and then I started writing it, and other people supported it too and now there are so many awesome SkyRain fics out there that absolutely fit my taste with ADHD, platonic bdsm and close friendship vibes. This is just such a comfort ghost ship for me that is popular enough to constantly return to xD I might even write fourth story for them one day! Who knows when inspiration hits but I'm not really done with those weather besties.

2. Young And Menace - Sand/Ray, Todd/Black, Not Me + Only Friends I love this one because crossovers of any Thai BL with Not Me is an amazing idea, in my opinion. And since we got to know Sand lived in the same building as Black, and we didn't get to see him using his bat, I took the headcanon of them being friends and ran with it xD Plus, I think, this story just poured out of me in one sitting and I didn't really know what was going to happen, but all of them ended up very emotional. And poetical. And I consider it well written so yeah, my fav!

3. I let you paint me in black - Black/|Yok, Not Me I am back with my Not Me fics and ghost ships :D We joked on NM discord that Yok definitely tried to get it on with all of gang members, and he's also the kinky one - meanwhile Black is on the violent side. I put handcuffs on Yok, gave Black some tools and played with them like dolls. And as expected, they had a lot of fun! This and its sequel fic are some of my short stories that I write in one sitting simply for an idea but I think I managed to capture some tension between these characters which I don't usually have in my stories.

4. Capturing the sight of a broken soul - Nick/|Sand, Nick/Boston, Only Friends Uh... I don't need to put a disclaimer about another ghost ship, do I? I just love platonic bonds and close friendship that are borderline romantic or touchy. And somebody needed to comfort Sand after everything he's been through! Come on! And Nick had to repay with his kindness and softness back. Also I challenged myself to write Boston's POV here which was... extremely fun! I was thinking how he and Sand could get to a more friendly side, and I think I found the way.

5. Boredom is a crime - Korn/Wai, Bad Buddy Last but not least, this was my first ever fic I wrote for Thai BL series. Which was on itself fascinating, as I haven't been really writing for years in my other kpop fandom. But meeting other fans and ficwriters, getting overwhelming support and attention for my works and forming community felt so inspiring that I started writing and drawing for myself and for fun again. It was also the time when I challenged myself to write coherent stories in English, and I practiced on BBS and NM. Also I should really write more (even more) asexual and ADHD characters... Anyway, Korn's POV is still my favourite and I had a lot of fun and it's a very important milestone.

It was a nostalgic journey, and I remembered once again what I love writing about. I never know what message do I give but I hope my stories are simply comforting or fun to explore for other people =)

I'm passing the torch to @ullvide @xagan @springkitten @doyou000me @wereflamingo-in-thai-dramaland (or tag me if you already did such post!)

[barclaysangel]

Guardian Doll (part 1)

So no one commented on that post I made regarding if I should post this or not...but I did it anyway. I decided to post it just to see if there are people who would be interested on this story and want me to continue. I am already writing a second part, I'm still working on where the plot will go, but y'all are free to join me on this journey.

So please comment if you like this and/or want me to continue writing/posting this story! Comments really do help fuel my motivation so maybe I will write it but if enough want to see it, I will post it as well.

Anyway, thank you and enjoy :)

Word count: 624

Tags: @vi0lentg0d @streets-in-paradise (if you want to be tagged for future chapters, lemme know!)

Cecilia was exhausted. 

Physically, emotionally, you name it. Seventh grade was hell and school just drained the life out of her, sucked her soul dry, and she still had to walk home. 

Great. 

At least she would be alone on her walk. Where she didn’t need to deal with her classmates purposefully bumping into her, laughing at her. It would be a nice break from her parents being up her ass about her homework and being their own and only “perfect” child. 

Yeah, a break from all of that would be nice. 

Take what you want, take what you can, take what you please, don’t give a damn. 

The song played in Cecilia’s headphones, humming the lyrics under her breath as she strolled through the cemetery. It was a shortcut, a bit of a faster yet much more peaceful way to get home. She enjoyed the sense of serenity, the trees looming over her head and gentle breeze of wind surrounding her. 

But just then, something odd caught her attention. 

Ask for forgiveness, never permission. 

There was a doll sitting on the grass, alone. It wasn’t by a particular gravesite, it just sat there in the middle of the small field. 

Cecilia moved closer, crouching down in front of the doll and tilted her head to the side. It was a rather tall doll, probably would’ve been up to her knee had it been standing. It had blonde hair with black roots, wearing a white dress and black leather jacket with black heeled boots, painted black lips and dark eyeliner around its piercing green eyes. 

Overall, it was a fascinating style for a doll and something that Cecilia herself wouldn’t mind trying out sometime. 

Yeah, as if. Her parents would kill her if she walked around dressed like a doll. 

“How long have you been here, pretty girl?” Cecilia wondered out loud. It must have been some time, there were leaves on the doll’s dress, which she silently plucked away. After a moment of staring, she picked the doll up, smoothing back the soft blonde hair that almost felt real, and stood up. 

Take what you want, take what you can, take what you please, don’t give a damn. 

Cecilia walked further into the field near where she found the doll, wondering if this was a child’s toy that had been forgotten or it was placed on the grave of a deceased child and somehow been misplaced or moved. But judging by the names and birth and death date, there were no children tombstones. For some reason, only one tombstone that was closest to where she found the doll caught her attention but it belonged to an adult man. 

Charles Lee Ray. 

Well, whoever that was, Cecilia was sure that he wouldn’t have a doll by his grave, especially if he had been dead for about thirty years. 

To her, it seemed like the doll had no home. 

This was a very nice doll. If Cecilia sold her, she could probably get a lot of money for it. 

Or…

“How would you feel if I took you home, hm? I’ll make sure you’re nice and comfy.” She spoke to the doll with a little smile. 

Then, the sun shone and Cecilia noticed a gold necklace on the doll with a word written on it. 

“Tiff…” she read out loud, smiling more, “is that your name? Tiff?” 

Of course, the doll didn’t respond but she felt like she knew the answer. 

Finally, Cecilia readjusted her grip on the doll, Tiff, and she started walking home. She always liked dolls and it would be nice to finally get a new one after years. 

Besides, what could go wrong?

It’s in the blood and this is tradition.

[earlgreytea68]

In my journey through random books I am reading, I just read Romantic Comedy. Spoilers ahead.

This broke my usual rule of not-reading-a-book-I-think-I-could-write. Not that I always follow that rule, I've just been in a mood. But I was on vacation and looking for a book to read and this was on my list as being well-reviewed (check out how many outlets named it one of the best books of the year and said it was full of banter and chemistry) and I wanted something really light and fluffy since I was on vacation and the other book I had started turned out to be unexpectedly heavy. (The Farewell Tour. I thought this was going to be about a band. It was not lol)

ANYWAY, I was curious to see what one of the top ten "romantic comedy" books of the year was like and it was...incredibly boring?????? The hero was soooooooo dull????? AND THE HERO WAS A FAMOUS ROCK STAR DUDE. THIS BOOK SHOULD HAVE BEEN SO UP MY ALLEY. Instead somehow he was so incredibly boring. There was zero spark that made me want to spend any time with him as a character.

I appreciated that the book took the time to try to get me to believe these people actually liked each other, because my complaint often is that I feel this gets glossed over in favor of "man + woman = sex" equation and I saw some reviews of this book that praised it for actually spending time on the couple's compatibility...except that they were such a boring couple that I didn't care about them at all. A good third of the book is dedicated to just the two of them getting to know each other, and that is GREAT, but I now realize that only works if the people are interesting enough that you want to get to know them, too lol. The most interesting characters in the book were the MC narrator's friends, who all seemed great and cool and I wanted to know much, much more about them.

Anyway, this left me with many questions. Like, presumably people who were not me finished this book and were swooning over this hero guy, and that's just fascinating to me to consider. But also, it made me wonder, like, if all these websites think that this is how you write a love story that makes you believe in the couple, I would love to know.......have they ever read a single piece of fanfiction???? It just seems so far-fetched to me that none of these people reviewing books read fic, and yet they all seem to behave like these books are incredible when I'm like, .......but this is not nearly as good as a good piece of fanfiction is??? I know this is just the forever question I'm asking.

(Also, because the hero was a famous rock star, there was a tiny moment involving one of the side characters being a huge fan, and the treatment of this character was so disdainful and condescending because they were a fan, and it just made me feel blargh)

Oh, also, I did write this story already, although I didn't realize exactly what the premise of Romantic Comedy is and exactly how much it's basically "normal person falls in love with a celebrity" but anyway, my story is called You're the Culmination of Everything I've Never Had and I personally thought it was much better than Romantic Comedy, but I'm biased because I wrote it lol

I am now reading the second book in Martha Wells's Murderbot series. I enjoyed the first book a lot and I'm liking the second, too. I was on a waiting list for it forever, hence why I didn't read it on vacation, it just came through.

[lokidokieokie]

By Your Side

Summary: Loki had always watched you from the shadows; from the places that his responsibilities were always forgotten. A place where he could solely focus on you. So when he suddenly has to flee Asgard and leave you behind; he can only wait for the day that he gets to see you again. 

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x Asgardian!Reader

Warning(s): None really; kinda angsty, kinda fluffy. Lemme know if I missed anything!

Loki stood in the shadows of the palace, watching as you walked through the golden halls. He had always been fascinated by you, with your bright, curious eyes and your kind heart.

But he knew he could never have you; and that thought brought a frown to his face. As the adopted prince of Asgard, he was expected to marry a woman of noble birth with the sole purpose of producing an heir. He was not allowed to follow his own heart; and that thought alone broke him.

He watched as you passed by, your long, flowing dress brushing behind you. He wanted nothing more than to go up to you and tell you how he felt, but he knew it was impossible--he was not destined for happiness.

So he stayed lurking in the shadows, secretly watching over you and protecting you from afar. He knew he could never be with you, but the least he could do was keep you safe--it kept his mind at peace. 

But one day, everything changed. Loki was accused by the Allfather of a crime he didn't commit and was forced to flee Asgard because of it. He knew he could never return; but taking you with him was a risk he was not willing to take. He would have to live with the fact that he would never see you again. 

The thought of leaving you behind tore him apart. He wanted nothing more than to stay by your side, but he knew it was for the best. He had to protect you from the dangers that came with being with him--the dangers that came from fleeing the Allfather.

So with a heavy heart and watery eyes, he left you behind and set out on a new journey; one without you in it. He vowed to use his powers for good; to make up for some of the mistakes he had made in his past during his exile. But no matter how far he roamed, he could never shake the memories of you. He missed your endearing smile and your comforting presence; and he missed the way your laugh could enchant everyone in the room. 

He knew he had made the right decision in leaving Asgard behind, but it didn't make the pain of losing you any easier.

Years had passed, and Loki found himself on some distant planet of the galaxy; working to protect its people from danger. He had found a new purpose and a sense of belonging, but he still couldn't forget about you.

One day, as he was patrolling the streets, he saw a familiar face in the crowd and it made him pause in his tracks. 

It was you; you were older, but you were still as beautiful as the day he first laid eyes on you.

Loki's heart skipped a beat as he watched you walk towards him. He didn't know what to say or do, but he knew he couldn't walk away from you again.

He stepped forward and took your hand, drowning into your e/c eyes once again gave him a sense of home. "I never forgot about you, Y/n." he said, his voice full of emotion. 

"I’ve thought about you every day. I'm truly sorry for everything I’ve put you through. All I’ve wanted to do was protect you from the evilness that comes from being associated with the royalty of Asgard."

You looked at him with understanding and squeezed his hand. "I know," you said. "I’ve never forgotten about you either. And Norns above I can’t tell you how happy I am to know that you’re safe."

A wave of relief crashed over him. He knew that he certainly didn’t deserve your forgiveness, but he will spend the rest of your time together proving to you that he was eternally grateful for it. 

He leaned down and kissed you, feeling a sense of happiness and peace that he had never felt before. He knew he had finally found his place in the universe; and that place was by your side.

Together, Loki and you walked hand in hand into the sunset, ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead and build a future full of love and happiness.

Hey! I’m back! 

Hope you enjoyed this little piece. I’ll see you next time :)

[justanotherquinnfan]

On The Devil of Dublin and Going "All In"

I doubt it has gone unnoticed by those in the Quinn community, but just in case this slipped under anyone's radar, The Devil of Dublin is now fully revealed (I mean his identity, pervs) and has made the announcement that he is going "all in" at the same time. That was something like 2 (3?) months ago, and watching his journey is SO fascinating.

So TDOD, or Eric Nolan, made a huge announcement some while back when he revealed not only what he looks like, but his name and daytime career. To say this is fairly unprecedented might be an understatement. To my knowledge, I haven't seen a major Quinn or erotica VA come out of their anonymity and certainly not like this. Not to mention the fact that Eric has been one of the most popular voices on the app.

I mentioned in the past that I was concerned that this move might have been due to pressure brought on by fans (something I assumed given the exodus of several anonymous VAs from social media). I was also concerned because of some discourse I had read from people worrying that if they saw what some of these actors looked like, how disappointed they would be if they didn't find them physically attractive.

To the first point, obviously I just wasn't giving Eric enough credit as a grown man who knows his mind. That's on me any my own unconscious bias that I am currently working towards.

To the second point, well. Eric honestly wasn't worried about that, nor should he have been, as he painted the image of himself to be as accurate as I'm sure his fans had hoped. But the poster on Reddit, where I read that baseless fear, still sticks in my mind and I feel the need to address it in a separate post. But for now, let's just say that if anyone was nervous that Eric wouldn't, er, live up to the hype, let's say, then I'm hoping it's been put to rest because honestly, have you seen him?

Since the reveal, I can't help but notice his posts, both on Quinn and social media, to be more filled with abandon. At the risk of a BDSM joke, it's like he'd been somewhat shackled down and now he is freed. He can incorporate more of himself into his work. I know he does a lot of collaboration with BB Easton (which is brilliant, she's a fantastic writer), but it's been cool to see him explore.

And explore he has! I think the first thing that really took me, hmm. Not off guard, but rather maybe by pleasant surprise? Was his Rest Day Ramble.

Now, I know I'm not the only one out there who can say they love a ramble, but I REALLY love rambles. There is something so much more vulnerable about them. If they are truly spontaneous and unscripted, there is a sense of reciprocation that might not exist in the fantasy scenarios. Which, I love those as well, but there can be at times (for me) a sense of loneliness in them. Like this is just for my benefit. And I do know that many creators get a real charge simply of the act of coming up and figuring out these fun stories, who enjoy the total process from start to finish. So I know it's not entirely one-sided. But, there is still something to be said about the feedback loop that comes from someone allowing themselves pleasure for the sake of another's pleasure.

I do want to be clear here, that I am still fully recognizing the parasocial nature of this exchange and I am both cognizant and respectful of the boundaries. But if a VA wants to adjust those boundaries and let us in just a little bit, I am grateful for the opportunity to share in the energetic exchange as I personally find it fulfilling.

I say so many words to just say that the Rest Day Ramble was so very hot. Just. So hot. Part of it is, in fact, that vulnerability. Eric speaks to the listener directly. He gently teases us for playing along and maybe responding to questions out loud. He gives us a window into his process, how it can physically affect him to do these audios. I will say, whether this is true or not, the idea that he finishes one of his saucy, extra spicy Devil stories feeling excited and bereft, took my breath away. I mean. What an image! And of course he knew exactly what he was doing by painting it for us.

I won't go much further into discussing this particular audio because I feel like it's worth it to go have a listen for yourself if you haven't. But it pretty much descends into the kind of sweaty miasma you tend to expect from a licentious 6ft-something tall Irishman. It's glorious and should definitely be in queue if it's not already.

From there we see a rise in some of the most delicious collabs I've ever seen. From his Devil's Pact series, in which we see Mairsyy as our knight in shining honor (poor guy....) to Tom York in the London Calling series (when will there be a part 3???P) to John York giving us some needed aftercare in Virtual VA and then Zach Cowman in Freaky, which is honestly just perfection. The next collab on the docket, it would seem, is Cavern Livingston, and I won't lie, I'm excited!

In between those we also see more audios that I feel offer even more of a wink-wink-nudge vibe. The Brat Test was a genius way to get fans to interact (hmm, that might be one bit of phrasing too far). His even more recent offering of "I Know, I Know..." addresses his reputation for the infidelity tag (one in which I am not personally super comfortable with, but to each their own) and he finishes the audio by saying something to the effect of, "He can have the best of you, I will happily take the worst of you." For those of us who struggle with listening to Quinn while in a relationship? That is a line that will do about 3 weeks worth of therapeutic healing and I thank him so much for it.

I will very honestly say that, prior to all of this change, I hadn't quite yet jumped on the TDOD train. I get why he's so popular, but my own journey is so roundabout, that I just hadn't quite figured him out yet. I look for things that are not just sexy, but also are helping me do some major healing of my own. I just wasn't sure where to begin with his work.

But once he opened up, it was a whole different ballgame because I'm very much the kind of person that only wants to play if everyone wants to play. And Eric essentially threw off the mask and said, "LET'S PLAY" and I was just hooked.

But the thing that really got to me? Was actually his episode of The Audiobook Club with John York. In it he is asked if he ever thought about taking a break from Quinn. And this sweet man literally teared up at the thought. He then goes on to say that he knows what he brings to the lives of so many of his fans. And what if, when someone is having just such a shitty week, they go to Quinn for some comfort and he's not there? He would feel terrible, like he let people.

Ok, so look. The realist in me would just respond with the fact there there is genuinely hours upon hours of content, that missing a drop or two is not the end of the world. But the romantic, the empathetic, part of me? Just feels so much (platonic) love for someone who really see what he's doing as not just building fantasies, but offering help to those who need it. And for that, and that alone, he will always have a fan in me. Because you don't need to look at Quinn like that. But it is that for so many of us and he just really gets it, you know? You don't abandon someone like that.

So, to conclude, I say that I am all in on Eric going all in! I am so excited to see what he has next in store for the world of Quinn, the world of audiobooks, just the world in general. Because it can only be something saucy and fun and the perfect escape we're looking for.

For anyone interested in responding, what are you looking forward to in the future from The Devil of Dublin? I would LOVE to see more collabs, particularly a part 3 to the London Calling series (especially if it ends as a "Why choose?" scenario, though I may spontaneously combust at the idea of both Tom AND Eric). Or perhaps another Devil's Pact, featuring Milo? But I would love to see Golden Retriever Milo in that scenario.

What about you? Let me know, the future is looking so much fun!

[owlsandwich]

The Mechanics of Magic

Read along with me :D - Chapter 8

Chapter 1 | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

It would be unfair to say I hate this chapter, but I still remember how hard it was to write. I don't write crime, and so I really struggle with scenes that require formal police involvement or law. At least it's a fantasy world, so I have the freedom of making up the procedural rules myself!

Something I've noticed is that Mechanics has a lot more internal thoughts than Darkness (though, as will be revealed later, this is for good reason)

Chapter 8 is under the cut:

Tamara pinched the bridge of her nose and tried to stifle a yawn. Pale threads of dawn had barely begun to weave across the sky when Morgan’s messenger had woken her, bringing news that a vehicle would be ready to collect her within the hour. She estimated that she’d managed maybe five hours sleep, and the soothing motion of the government car was not helping her to stay alert. 

The incident report lay on her lap, and she again ran a finger over the note stuck to the front: One for you to look into. Morgan’s handwriting was neat and understated, but his signature below the message was unmistakable. She didn’t know whether to be grateful that the document held only scant details; it had made quick reading despite her frazzled mental state, but she still wasn’t sure what to expect upon arriving in Golebach.

Gravel crunched as they pulled into the car park of a bleak, grey building that Tamara assumed must be the local police station. She coughed to clear her throat, aware that she hadn’t spoken for the entire journey, and attempted to form her face into an expression of engaged interest. After a moment, her driver opened the door and Tamara thanked him with a smile that she hoped hid her exhaustion. Report clutched tight to her chest, she straightened her jacket and stepped into the fresh morning air. 

There was no one waiting outside, and she eyed the door to the building, wondering if she should just walk in. Before she had to decide, it was opened by a tall police officer in a crumpled uniform, who looked as though she may have had even less sleep than Tamara.  

“Hi, I’m here from the palace.” Tamara stepped forward as she spoke, rotating her folder so the ID card she’d slipped into the front was visible. The woman glanced down at it and back to her face, before holding out a hand.

“It’s good to meet you. I’m Head Officer Helen James.”

Tamara took the outstretched hand as two other people emerged from the building.

“This is Officer Barrie. He was first on the scene.” Helen gestured to the short man who had walked up on her right. “Senior Officer Robinson assisted in securing the site and transporting the suspects involved.”

The younger, clean-shaven man to Helen’s left stepped forward and shook Tamara’s hand. 

“I’m Tamara Elden. It’s nice to meet you,” she said, releasing the handshake before Robinson could feel the clamminess of her palm. “I read the report on the way down, but it was a little light on detail. Has anything happened since?”

“Apologies for that.” Helen’s alert manner belied her appearance, and Tamara sensed a radiating magic energy from her that revealed her to be a mage. “We alerted the palace as soon as we determined there could be magic involved, however I am aware that meant the report was rushed. Would you like to come inside, and I’ll give you a run-down of events?”

The other two officers were looking at her with wary fascination as they walked, and Tamara was glad she had the report to occupy her nervous hands. A short corridor opened into a small office area dominated by scattered paperwork and the strong scent of coffee. Helen gave a brief wave to one or two people that looked up as they passed. “Can I get you a drink?” she asked, looking back at Tamara over her shoulder.

“That would be great, thanks,” she replied. People were usually kinder when you accepted their offers. “Milk and one sugar, please.”

“Jason, can you grab some coffees for us?” Helen called to a young man who was attempting to scuttle by with a stack of folders. He nodded and dashed off, leaving Helen to lead Tamara and the other officers into what was presumably an interview room. 

Chairs screeched on the vinyl floor as they sat, and Tamara laid her folder on the empty white table in front of them.

“Very little has changed since the report,” Helen said, continuing from where she had left off outside. “As you will have read, we started getting calls about an earthquake at approximately twenty past eight yesterday evening. One or two of the higher-magic locals said they felt magical energy around the same time, but mostly it was just people who were scared.”

“I can imagine,” Tamara replied. “Ardveld isn’t known for its tectonic activity; there shouldn’t be any earthquakes here.”

“Exactly.” Helen nodded. “So when a call came in about an explosion, things began to make more sense.”

A large enough shock wave might well explain the supposed earthquake. Barrie had taken a seat next to Tamara and now cleared his throat with a dry cough. “I was about to head down to the village when we got the report of a loud explosion from Golebach Court—”

“It’s a local historical site that’s open to the public,” Helen interjected. Tamara opened the file and leafed through to the picture of the manor house, rotating it so the others could see.

Barrie went on. “I drove over there expecting some kind of equipment malfunction or something, but when I arrived… Well, there should be some photos.”

Tamara turned the page to an image of a stone structure, surrounded by blackened grass and spattered dirt. 

“This is where the report says the explosion happened,” Tamara said. “Is this near the manor then?”

“The actual bomb site is an ancient ruin, about a hundred meters from the manor,” Helen explained. “It’s in the grounds but accessible at all hours.” 

The door clicked open as the junior from earlier brought in their drinks. Tamara took her coffee, cupping the mug in her hands to warm her fingers.

“So I got there,” Barrie continued when the junior departed. “And I saw the damage, which is basically as the picture shows — however, there were also two casualties at site. That’s when I decided I’d better call this one in.” He looked towards Tamara. “I contacted the station for medical and backup, and made sure they weren’t dead.”

Tamara nodded, eyes not leaving the photo. “Where are they now? The report said they were uninjured, though the young man had magic sickness. Is that correct?”

This time it was Robinson who replied. “Yes. After medical checked them over and we’d secured the site, we brought them back here to await interview. There were no serious injuries apart from magic sickness.”

That’s a relief, at least. 

“Could it have been an accident?” Tamara asked. If she remembered the report correctly, the explosion had supposedly been caused by a device that two teenagers had brought to the site. She pulled the folder back towards her and flipped to the page showing the transcribed text.

“Sure. If you want to call getting caught up in the blast from their own bomb an ‘accident’.” Barrie rolled his eyes and earned a stern look from Helen.

“They actually admitted that they made a bomb then?” Tamara frowned. “Did the young woman tell you this? I can’t imagine you would’ve got much information from the magic sickness case.” 

Opposite her, Robinson glanced at Helen, and Tamara had the uncomfortable feeling that she had said the wrong thing.

“The transcript in the report is what the female suspect told us as we were bringing them in,” Helen explained. “Despite my colleague’s assumptions, the suspects haven’t confirmed the purpose of the device they brought to site. We obviously haven’t conducted any interviews, as the reports of large scale magic place this case under palace jurisdiction. As per protocol, we have waited for you to conduct the interviews when you take over the case.”

“Ah.” 

Take over the case? The room felt even colder than it had before. 

It made sense that they would think as much. After all, she had come from the palace so technically she was the most senior person here. Tamara sipped her coffee, burning her tongue. As Head of Magic Affairs, she had expected to come here and evaluate the source and mechanism of a magical incident, but Morgan had given her no formal instruction for direct involvement with suspects.

Surely that should fall under defence…?

“I believe that I am just here to assist and advise on the magical elements of this case.” Tamara placed the mug down with a clunk and gave what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

Helen suddenly looked exhausted. “My apologies, but we are a small operation here.” She rubbed at her eyes, losing some of her professional composure. “Protocol says that we must refer upwards in any case where there are signs of powerful magic involvement, and this... bombing is far beyond what we are equipped to deal with. I was informed that an advisor had been sent from the palace. Isn’t that you?”

Three pairs of eyes were scrutinising her now, and Tamara looked down at her report, scrambling for an answer. Her burnt tongue hurt, and she pulled on her magic to soothe it. Maybe it was supposed to be her dealing with this. The memory of her last conversation with Morgan flashed into her mind: she and him in the dim office where he’d shown her a letter of resignation from his former Head of Defence. 

“I— Please don’t worry. I’ll contact the palace and find out who is coming to take over the case. In the meantime, I will see if I can determine exactly what magic was involved.” Tamara hoped her voice contained the authority she wished she felt. Helen, at least, appeared reassured. 

“Thank you,” the Head Officer said. “Until then, we will assist you in whatever you require. Where would you like to start?”

“Well…” Tamara chewed at her lip. “I think it’s best that I go and visit the site.”

*

The drive to the manor was short, and the police car stopped outside a cordoned-off area around the manor house and grounds. Helen informed Tamara that, though the ruin was obviously a crime scene, they were also concerned about the structural stability of the manor, given the movement of the ground. 

As they approached the ruin, Tamara could see for herself what the picture had shown — a shallow crater surrounded by mud and scorched grass. The two officers stationed there let them pass, and Tamara ventured ahead to what looked to be the explosion’s epicentre. 

There wasn’t much to look at. The ground was hard from the summer heat, which may have gone some way to limit the damage, but whatever blast had occurred didn’t seem to have been all that impactful. Apart from some scorch marks, even the ruin itself appeared undamaged to Tamara’s eyes. That at least explained how the two teenagers had made it out unscathed. Presumably the remains of the so-called bomb had already been safely removed, as there was no shrapnel of any kind to be seen.

There was no magic that she could sense here either, not even from the manor behind them, which should have been teeming with spells.

“Everything okay?” Helen said as she approached, and Tamara hummed an acknowledgement without turning to look.

A moment later, her brain caught up. “Oh, yes. Sorry. I was just thinking.”

“It’s no problem. Please, carry on.”

Tamara flicked her fingers a few times, then stopped as she saw Helen watching. The Head Officer had been kind and respectful so far, and she felt it was worth giving an explanation. “I’m from Avel Kifaeros,” she said, with what she hoped was a non-threatening smile. “So if I seem a little, well, odd...”

“Ah.” Helen nodded. “Don’t worry; my nephew is like that. He’s Ardveldian, but you know what I mean. Take all the time you need.”

It was a good enough response. Though they were the majority in Avel Kifaeros, it wasn’t unusual for people in other parts of the world to be born with the typical mix of traits associated with the Kifaerish. If it helped Helen understand, then it was a useful piece of information to share, as long as she afforded Tamara the same respect as she had before she knew.

“There doesn’t seem to be any magic around the building.” Tamara gestured towards the manor.

“Yes, I’ve just heard that myself.” To her relief, Helen allowed the conversation return to work. “It seems like whatever happened here wiped the passive spells nearest the manor. Staff aren’t happy – they’ll need to bring someone in to recast the more complex ones.” 

A light wind whipped up the dust at Tamara’s feet, and she looked back towards the stones. “I don’t see how a bomb could have done that. Not without physical damage to the building.” Being a mage herself, Helen should have known that. Tamara squinted at her face. “And why would anyone want to set off a bomb here anyway?”

Helen folded her arms with a frown. “Pure selfishness? Don’t think I’ll ever understand what these kids get out of vandalising places that others enjoy.”

Blackened dirt came away when Tamara brushed a hand over the closest scorch mark, but the stone underneath remained intact. “There doesn’t seem to be much damage to the ruin, either,” she said, dusting her fingers on her skirt. “You said you originally got calls about an earthquake? Before the report of the explosion?” 

Helen nodded and Tamara continued, her mind chasing an idea. “Was there any damage in town?”

“Yes,” Helen replied. “Not a great deal, but there was some minor structural damage to a few buildings.”

This was it. The part that didn’t make sense. “Were they just out of range of hearing the explosion then? Or is it possible that the damage in town did genuinely happen first?”

Helen seemed to hesitate before replying. “I’m not quite sure what you mean. You’re suggesting we could be dealing with two separate events?” Her expression remained polite, but left Tamara wondering if she had just said something incredibly stupid. “With all due respect, it’s not something I had even considered. Don’t you think that would be far too much of a coincidence?”

Tamara bobbed her head as she attempted to arrange her thoughts into a reasonable explanation. “I don’t necessarily think the events are unlinked,” she began carefully. “But I was called here because there was likely magic involved. The damage from this explosion is nowhere near enough to have reached the town. I mean, it barely reaches ten meters and didn’t harm the ruin at all. It makes me wonder if there is something magic based going on that caused both the town damage first, and then the explosion.”

Helen breathed a sigh, raising a hand to shield her eyes from the sun as she looked up at the manor. “An explosion alone wouldn’t have got rid of those spells. You’re right about that.” With an incline of her head, she started walking back towards the perimeter. Tamara took the hint and followed. “You honestly think two eighteen-year-olds could have enough magic to cause an earthquake?” Helen lowered her voice as she spoke.

“I’ve never heard of any mage strong enough to cause an earthquake,” Tamara replied. “But the boy does have magic sickness. There could be more to it than him just having shielded them both. I think I need to talk to them both.”

“I thought you didn’t want to take over the case?” Helen said, opening the passenger door for Tamara as they reached the waiting car.

“I don’t, and I still plan on calling the palace for you, but I need to ask more questions before I can pass on a report,” Tamara replied, settling into the seat. “Will that be okay?”

“Of course.” Helen sounded surprised, and again Tamara was reminded of her own seniority. “Whatever you need.”

*

Heavy doors sealed off the two holding cells from a bare grey corridor back at the station. Tamara had to rise up on her toes to see through the open hatch of the first. Inside, a young woman lay on a narrow bed, apparently asleep.

“Don’t wake her if we don’t need to,” Tamara said, putting out a hand to stop Helen from opening the door. “Perhaps the other one is awake?”

“I’m happy to check, but I don’t know how much you’ll get out of him, even if he is,” Helen replied. “Unless there’s anything you could do to speed up his recovery?” 

“Unfortunately not.” Tamara was unable to help a smile at Helen’s suggestion. “Even I can’t transfer magic into someone else. The only thing we can do is keep them rested and cared for until they recover their energy naturally.”

“Well, he doesn’t seem to be asleep anymore.” Helen was looking through the hatch into the next room, and Tamara craned herself around beside her to see. The room was a mirror of the previous cell — a small single bed running down the left side of a white brick wall. Sat on the bed, staring down at the floor, was the young man they had been discussing. He didn’t seem to have noticed their arrival, despite their conversation outside the door. 

“Do you mind if I go inside to talk to him?” Tamara asked. “It’s nothing formal, so it seems unfair to make him move.”

“Go ahead.” Helen placed a hand on the door and whatever spell powered the lock clicked open as it registered her identity. “Do you want me to come in with you?”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine.” Tamara doubted a magic-drained teenager would be much of a threat, even if he wanted to be. “He may need water if he’s been asleep since the incident. I’ll let you know if he says anything.”

Helen gave a nod. “Fair enough. I’ll be just down the corridor. Call if there’s anything you need.”

With a push, Tamara swung the door open, and stepped inside. It closed with a metallic clang behind her, but the teenager still didn’t look up. 

Tamara slid the report folder from where she had been carrying it under her arm. Thankfully, their names were already listed in the transcription. Closing the folder softly, she walked towards the figure on the bed.

“Hello? Alexander? How are you feeling?” Dark brown curls partially obscured his face, but he stirred at the mention of his name. That was better than nothing. With no other seats in the room, she perched herself further down the bed. “It’s okay. I just want to talk. Can you hear me?”

This time, he lifted his head. Tamara saw him squeeze his eyes shut and then slowly open them, as if trying to focus on the room. Despite the tan of his skin, there was an ashen sheen over his face that made her want to reach out and comfort him, just as her mother had done when she was sick as a child.

He made a sound of acknowledgement and Tamara decided to wait to see if he needed some time to process. It was a few seconds before her patience was rewarded. “It’s Alex. Sorry. I’m... I’m really tired.” 

“No, it’s okay. I know you’re tired.” Maintaining the conversation was important now he was responding. “I just need to ask you some questions. Is that alright?” 

The reply came quicker this time. “Yeah... sure. I don’t— I don’t think...” She watched as he moved his fingers, clenching and unclenching his hands, and remembered the weakness and nausea that came when she overused her own magic.

“You don’t think…?” Tamara prompted, hoping he would pick up the train of thought again.

“Sorry.” Alex turned his head, and she found herself looking into unfocussed dark eyes. “I don’t think I’m very well.”

 Tamara’s heart twinged with sympathy. “Yes, that’s true. You overused your magic. Can you tell me what happened?”

 Alex squinted. “We were... we were at the site. The place... with the magic.” He waved his hand in a dismissive gesture and gave a small shake of his head. “I can’t really think. The name... you know?”

“Do you mean the ruin near Golebach Court?” Tamara had a vague memory that you shouldn’t ask leading questions in an interview, but then this wasn’t really a proper interview, so she figured it would be fine.

“Yes!”

Tamara was surprised to see him give a weak smile before he seemed to drift back into his own thoughts. “Okay, so you were at the ruin, remember? Can you tell me why you were there?”

“Hmmm... We were there, yes.” He didn’t seem to be able to keep focus for long enough to give her any information. Perhaps this was a lost cause. Tamara ran her fingers over the plastic cover of the folder, remembering the note from Morgan that she had slipped away inside. One for you to look into. 

“I brought the generator. To try... to try the ground magic.” Alex spoke again and his eyes seemed to gain focus as they widened. “Eira! She was with me. Is she okay?”

“She’s fine. Nobody was hurt.” Tamara kept her voice gentle, and Alex appeared to relax. His words, though, had set her mind racing. “What do you mean by ‘ground magic’?”

“Ground magic... you know? It’s there. In the ground.” He leant forward and buried his head in his hands with a groan. “I’m sorry. I can’t think.”

Ground magic in the ground. Not very helpful. 

Alex knew something, though. He was talking about some kind of magic that hadn’t been there when Tamara had gone to the site. She would have to wait until his head cleared and hope he was still forthcoming with information. 

Of course, by that point, he would be being interviewed by whoever else the palace sent to take over the case. Tamara had no idea what kind of approach they would take. 

“I’m going to let you rest now.” She stood up from the bed. “I’ll arrange for someone to bring you water. Please lie down and try not to worry.” 

It was hard to tell what sort of person she was dealing with while Alex was in this state, but Tamara just couldn’t picture the teenager as a hardened criminal. She walked over to the hatch in the door and called down the corridor for Helen, leaving Alex slumped at the edge of the bed.

*

“So how did it go? Did you learn anything?” Helen asked once they were back in the interview room.

“More questions than answers, unfortunately.” Tamara sighed. “I think I’ll have to do further research back at the palace.”

“Do you know when we’ll hear who’s taking over the case?” Helen’s question reminded her that she should probably call Morgan now, rather than arranging a meeting when she got back. That’s if he even had time to take a call. 

They had only given her this role to fill a gap; Morgan had said as much at their last meeting, but she was still the Head of Magic Affairs. Hadn’t she told him she intended to do the best job she could? A wrong choice had to be better than no choice after all, especially if she was expected to fail, anyway.

Forcing herself to meet Helen’s eyes, Tamara gripped the folder until the edge dug into her palm. She would have to take the teenagers back to the palace with her; it was clear now that the little police station wasn’t equipped to cope with them. “You won’t need to wait. I’ve decided I’m going to take on the case myself

[aphrodisiac-siren]

Ettore X Fem!Reader

Summary: A deadly virus has begun spreading, a disease attacks the brain and causes victims to lose their humanity, rendering them violent and insane creatures. You were chosen, along with a bunch of others, to help find a cure for the same. Along your journey at the organisation, you meet a certain someone who is as daunting as he is captivating.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of sex [18+ minors DNI]

!! Read chapter 6 first !!

Masterlist

<<Previous Chapter

Alternate Ending 1~ You chose 'a. Continue secret affair with Ettore'

You and Ettore were like wild rabbits, never satisfied and never thinking twice if an opportunity presented itself that allowed you both to shrug your clothes off and blow off steam in the form of some heated sex- though on most occasions, they were merely just quickies.

You continued to invite him to your room on some nights, other times you both would engage in heavy make-out sessions in the library that Ettore snuck into using the access card you'd given him.

Things were going great in your opinion. You and Ettore grew closer and closer each day and you learned that under all of that domineering and impassive persona was a sweet boy who just needed to be loved. You wouldn’t admit this to him, but you had in fact started to crush on him a little.

Ettore too had grown rather attached to you and it wasn’t only because of the sex. He grew genuinely fond of you, as if you were this one ray of sunshine in this dark forest of an organisation that he hated more and more with each day passing. Ettore never really cared much about the division between the subjects and elites before; he anyway took the latter to be snobbish. But ever since he'd met you, it pissed him off beyond measure that you weren’t even allowed to have something as harmless as an innocent friendship with him.

He wasn’t too happy with this whole thing, of having to keep this thing a secret, especially when he saw other boys, and sometimes even girls, ogling at you. He couldn’t blame them, you were really pretty but it didn’t help that he was rather territorial.

Someday, he thought, someday I will make her mine.

~

You, as per usual, adorned your white attire, checking yourself out in the mirror before you left your room at seven am sharp to pick up your schedule for the day. You were hoping to get something that involved you having to work with group C; but then again, even if you didn’t, you would happily swap it with someone else who had got it. Ettore wasn’t really a joy to work with and many times, other elites would ask to swap schedules with you. You'd pretend to be annoyed or hesitant but on the inside your heart had already done four summersaults and two back flips at the thought of spending the day with your emo hotshot.

You were a bit surprised to see that there was no folder assigned to you. Instead, the chancellor Dr, Ava Paige sent someone to escort you to her office. Confused, you followed silently until the office door's opened and she beckoned for you to come in.

"Ah, Y/N" she smiled warmly at you, a soft clinking sound ringing in your ears as she stirred her tea "our most promising subject. Take a seat will you. Have you turned in the reports from yesterday’s blood samples?"

"Yes of course, right before I left to grab dinner" you informed her briskly.

"Good, timely as always" she put away the tiny spoon on the saucer before she picked up her cup to take a sip of her tea "though I must say I am rather disappointed"

Your brows furrowed in confusion but you stayed quiet and allowed her to continue.

"Your sudden fascination with one of the subjects, number eight to be very specific, has me wondering what made one of my most brilliant elites break the rules and stoop to such levels" she heaved a disappointed sigh, placing the cup back on the saucer with a soft clink "I must say I am very disappointed in you Y/N. Had you not been one of my brightest candidates among the elites, I would have had you sent to our Denver facility for the maze trials"

You drew a sharp breath. The maze trials was an alternative method used by the organisation to track and observe subjects under harsh environments to study their brain activity. You knew that the people picked or sent for that experiment would never come back the same after the cure had been found. They were sent into this artificially created landscape surrounded by a maze that changed each night. The subjects chosen were sent in with no memory of who they were before, thus losing their memories and a major part of themselves forever since that was not reversible.

"Ettore is just an acquaintance" you told her in a monotonous voice "we conversed a few times when I was in charge of carrying out tests, even though I was aware that no unnecessary interactions were permitted. Harmless as it was, it wont happen again-"

"Oh Y/N, Y/N, Y/N" Ava shook her head "we both know that it was something much more than just harmless conversation. You both were spotted two nights ago in the library, he was spotted several times leaving your room in the early hours of the morning- the latest observation being this very morning. After he was searched, we found this in his possession"

You watched with growing nerves as she placed your access card on the glass table; the very same card you'd given Ettore.

"You will be let off the hook just this once, granted you established something musch more scandalous than just a friendship" she folded her arms over her chest, lips pressed into a line referring to her knowing about your and Ettore's sexual encounters "one more slip-up and you will join subject eight in the penalization given to him"

At this, you immediately looked up to meet her piercing gaze. You knew the punishments given here were very harsh and brutal, most of them being used to tame and discipline uncooperative subjects.

"Where is he?" you asked, heart pounding.

Ava just sighed in response.

"Where is Ettore?" you asked again, this time sounding more demanding than inquisitive.

"On his way to Denver," she curtly told you and you felt your heart drop "there is a reason we forbid interactions between subjects and elites. Most of them aren’t immune, unlike you elites. Though they don't show fast signs of losing their conscious to the virus, like how most civilians do. We don’t know for sure what it is that is different about them but at the end of the day, they can catch the flare. We keep you both apart to avoid any transmission that could damage your health. You will have a full body checkup done and be kept under observation for a week to see if you require any medical assistance..."

You didn’t really hear all of what she said, you basically stopped hearing her right after she told you he was sent to Denver. Your Ettore, had been sent to the maze trials. You didn't even get to say a goodbye and you knew that even if you all did manage to find that stupid cure, it wouldn’t make any difference. If Ettore didn’t die in that maze, he most certainly wouldn’t remember you anymore; he was gone, same as you were erased from his memory, from his life.

You wanted to scream, yell, throw something. You had never felt more helpless in your life. Regret started to flood your mind; How you wished you had never called him to your room, how you wished you didn’t ask him to meet you at the library, how you wished you had just listened to Aris and kept your distance for a while.

But now there was nothing you could do.

Ettore was gone, taken away from you for good.

A single tear slid down you cheek that you furiously wiped away.

Ettore was gone, and there was nothing you could do.

Alternative Ending 1: Ettore loses his memories, and is sent to the Maze Trials- never to be seen or heard from ever again.

[iaus]

For director's commentary: picking a snippet from i'll crawl home (to you) because. While dd2 never quite ended up grabbing me the same way the first game did, this fic took me in its claws and never let go. I'm such a sucker for memories-from-past-timelines stories, and the implication of Tardif having an inhuman element was so fascinating too, thus my selection:

“I am offering my services to those who need an extra hand along the road,” the bounty hunter says flatly, the image of professionalism if he did not clutch one of the flagellant’s hands in his. “It is a long, lonely road filled with horrors. Sometimes a hunter at your back is the best solution to dealing with the shadowy beasts.”

“And how do we know you are not a shadowy beast, following to devour us all?”

The bounty hunter barks a harsh laugh that draws the rest of the party’s attention. The sound fills the rickety walls. The inn goes silent. The hearth light flickers.

“Suppose you don’t really.”

oh I see the revenge I do. AUGH.

I still have such a huge soft spot for this fic and kind of regret not expanding on it. And tbh even though I put hours and hours (derogatory) into DD2 I still have so many bitter complicated feelings about it.

So, I definitely get it.

BUT that's not what we're here to talk about.

We're here to talk about this ^

I wanna preface this with saying that I still do love that they made it so Tardif is just not an actual character (much like DD1, ah, I miss her).

But that's also the driving force of why I wrote this fic. Like. We keep seeing this guy, we can hire him and keep him on for this small part of his journey he takes CANDLES which is a currency that seems to have no worth so what's his fucking deal.

(Tardif thought of the century let's be real here.)

First off this fic was SO HARD to write because I wanted to purposefully avoid using names even though we already know their names. We are intimate with these two (we know they are too), but DD2 despite expanding on pasts always felt... distancing to me.

Like I cared more about my silly little DD1 characters without backstories than I ever did the DD2 characters. I literally stopped playing for like a week when my original "Damian" sacrificed himself to stop Vvulf from destroying the Hamlet. (Feu you get to live on in my d&d campaign as an absolute menace.)

But, so we keep with that separation in this fic with the flagellant and the bounty hunter (not even proper nouns)... until the very end but that's not what we're looking at right now.

Now, I had to go back and read this fic in its entirety just to make sure to get all the Context of this scene (which you picked the one I adore because otherworldly Tardif sets off a Pavlovian response in me).

Which, this line of dialogue:

“It is a long, lonely road filled with horrors. Sometimes a hunter at your back is the best solution to dealing with the shadowy beasts.”

I see this version of Tardif as both this marauder spirit almost... but also a Tardif who's stuck in his past. In my fics, Damian forces Tardif to grow just as much as Tardif forces Damian to grow so in this moment he is both a Tardif who has never had Damian and the Tardif who has experienced Damian... but can't quite get that emotional connection there. BUT his body language that led into the dialogue has an implication that he misses it:

...the bounty hunter says flatly, the image of professionalism if he did not clutch one of the flagellant’s hands in his.

I've never really seen Tardif as the one initiating contact in my mind's eye. I've always seen these two as Damian pursuing Tardif to the point of discomfort if only to get a reaction (any attention is good attention, even getting clocked or called a freak). But in this fic-- in this scene-- Tardif is initiating. He sees this rotting corpse of a man and he recognizes him. What memories is he drawing on? Is he like Damian (currently) and seeing past lives in the wainwright? Is he seeing the memories of their "domesticity" in the Hamlet? At this point, it's not really clear but he wants something from Damian.

He's not just offering himself as a guard dog (Tardif will insist if pressed that THAT is all he's offering, nothing else, nothing more). This is more than original Tardif ever did. Original Tardif incited Damian to chase him and then reacted, but he didn't force the interactions.

So, he's changed. Somehow.

“And how do we know you are not a shadowy beast, following to devour us all?”

And then we get our beloved Tardif-Damian bantering where Damian immediately, out of reflex, pecks at Tardif.

Flirts with him. This is flirting.

This is easily something Damian might have said at the Hamlet given the right circumstances and Tardif probably would have responded physically. Fist fight or something more intimate.

But instead, we get another glimpse into how Tardif has changed. His reaction is involuntary:

The bounty hunter barks a harsh laugh that draws the rest of the party’s attention. The sound fills the rickety walls. The inn goes silent. The hearth light flickers.

He laughs and the very atmosphere around him changes. We as readers can now understand the extent that Tardif has changed without/with Damian.

So when I wrote this I definitely pictured a monstrous Tardif beneath the hood. Think a mix of the Collector and Thing From the Stars. Faceless and terrible, a being corrupted by forces that none of them understand.

I had envisioned someone who could match Damian's new, horrifying form. That would easily withstand Damian's new blighted abilities without even having to realize the danger.

He was made for Damian because Damian changed. So the universe decided that Tardif must change too. But. Even when things change, things stay the same because Tardif is almost playful when responding to Damian:

“Suppose you don’t really.”

Flirting back a bit, honestly.

Like that's the only way he knows how to respond to Damian.